ADVICE I EVER GOT from SOLDIERS, PREACHERS, READERS, and a FEW CELEBRITIES

JULY/AUGUST 2018

THE BEST ADVICE I EVER GOT From SOLDIERS, PREACHERS, READERS, AND A FEW CELEBRITIES ... 51

THE SALUTE CUTEST TO A YOUNG PATRIOT PETS From CBS NEWS ... 11 ON THE GET READY FOR SUMMER PLANET STORMS OUR PHOTO CONTEST By MICHELLE WINNERS ... 70 CROUCH ... 116

What Pot Does to a Teen’s Brain By DR. SUSHRUT JANGI ... 78 Ignore Your Credit Score From THESIMPLEDOLLAR.COM ... 36 Art Garfunkel, the Best Friend Ever From COLUMBIA MAGAZINE ... 38

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Cover Story Drama in Real Life 51 THE BEST ADVICE 94 NO WAY OUT I EVER GOT Six caving buddies set off Everyone gets suggestions on for a day of adventure. how to live better. But if you’re By nightfall, only four had truly lucky, you receive wisdom emerged from the deep. that inspires you forever. LISA FITTERMAN

Photo Contest Nature 70 YOUR WINNING PET SHOTS 104 MY NEIGHBORHOOD We asked readers to send in GONE WILD their favorite animal pictures. Videos from outside the We got some real dogs—and author’s childhood home reveal cats. a wildland of mystery. RYAN BRADLEY National Interest FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE 78 THE MEDICAL CASE First Person AGAINST KIDS 110 NOW ... WHILE THERE’S SMOKING POT TIME As states loosen their marijuana A father learns to embrace laws, a doctor warns that the the chaos of his daughter’s drug can harm younger minds. toddler years. SUSHRUT JANGI, MD ED BARTLEY FROM THE BOSTON GLOBE

Leisure 84 SECRETS YOUR MENU P. | 51 WON’T TELL YOU Discover the tricks your favorite eateries use to lure you into temptation. ANDY SIMMONS

Who Knew? 88 8 ALMOST STATES If some independence-minded citizens had gotten their way, our

PHOTOGRAPH BY THE VOORHES BY PHOTOGRAPH flag would have a few more stars.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 1 Volume 192 | Issue 1142

JULY/AUGUST 2018

4Dear Readers 6Letters Everyday Heroes 8 The Doctor Is Out JIM AXELROD P. | 116 FROM CBS NEWS 11 Planting Patriotism STEVE HARTMAN FROM CBS NEWS

VOICES & VIEWS

Department of Wit 13 Why I’ve Decided Not to Write My Memoirs A grandmother and lifelong writer gets her chance to shine. ARLENE AIKINS

Words of Lasting Interest 16 The Gift of Forgiveness The car accident marred one teenager’s face, but their READER FAVORITES friendship was unscathed. JAMIE QUATRO FROM 20 100-Word True Stories O, THE OPRAH MAGAZINE 25 Points to Ponder Finish This Sentence 26 Life In These United States 18 The One Thing I 46 News from the Never Go on Vacation World of Medicine Without Is ... 48 All in a Day’s Work You Be the Judge 64 Laughter, the Best Medicine 22 The Case of the Mosquito- 83 That’s Outrageous! Bitten Worker 109 Laugh Lines Is a railroad company 125 Word Power responsible for keeping insects 127 Humor in Uniform away from its employees?

128 Quotable Quotes VICKI GLEMBOCKI CLANE GESSEL

2 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com ART OF LIVING

29 The Best Family Vacation Ever HEIDI STEVENS P. | FROM THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE 42 Technology 32 Car-Care Myths FROM THE FAMILY HANDYMAN

Money 36 Why I Stopped Worrying About My Credit Score HOLLY JOHNSON FROM THESIMPLEDOLLAR.COM

Life Well Lived 38 His Bridge Over Troubled Water PAUL HOND FROM COLUMBIA MAGAZINE

Food 42 Error-Free Ways to Use These Kitchen Appliances MARISSA LALIBERTE

Health 44 4 Cancer Screenings You May or May Not Need WHO KNEW? LAUREN CAHN 116 13 Things You ILLUSTRATION BY MARK MATCHO Didn’t Know About Thunderstorms MICHELLE CROUCH 120 Meet David Bowie, The Spider JACOB DUBÉ FROM MOTHERBOARD.VICE.COM

Send letters to [email protected] or Letters, Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6100, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1600. Include your full name, address, e-mail, and daytime phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media. Contribute To submit your 100-word true stories, visit rd.com/stories. If we publish one in a print edition of Reader’s Digest, we’ll pay you $100. To submit humor items, visit rd.com/submit, or write to us at Jokes, 44 South Broadway, 7th Floor, White Plains, NY 10601. We’ll pay you $25 for any joke, gag, or funny quote and $100 for any true funny story published in a print edition of Reader’s Digest unless we specify otherwise in writing. Please include your full name and address in your entry. We regret that we cannot acknowledge or return unsolicited work. Requests for permission to reprint any material from Reader’s Digest should be sent to [email protected]. Do Business Subscriptions, renewals, gifts, address changes, payments, account information, and inquiries: Visit rd.com/help, e-mail us at [email protected], or write to us

PHOTOGRAPH BY MATTHEW COHEN MATTHEW BY PHOTOGRAPH at Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 3 Dear Readers

10 things you did not ask me about my dog but that I’ll tell you anyway: 1) Her name is Steph Curry. Long story. Don’t ask. 2) Well, now that you’ve asked, my teen- age son fell in love with her as a puppy in a classmate’s litter. We didn’t need a dog, but he said, “I promise I’ll take care of her.” And his favorite athlete’s name is … 3) How hard are you laughing at us right now? Our 16-year-old told us “I promise,” and so we said yes? 4) When she was a few months old, she Steph Curry, at two, having just raced ate a squirrel. Cost in vet bills to extract like the real Steph Curry up Mount said squirrel from her stomach: $3,000. Eisenhower in New Hampshire. 5) The squirrel was a toy squirrel (though pretty much life-size when seen in outline on an X-ray). 6) After that, plus the infamous “Turkish carpet incident,” I decided that was it. We needed to find her another home. 7) Of course, by then I would have rather gone into bankruptcy than let her go. What can you say about a dog this beautiful who runs through the forest like a golden-brown leopard, stretches out in bed with us exactly like our former teenagers used to, and snaps her epic tongue at you in love? 8) Because I love my good girl, I am entering her in our Pet Photo Contest, which you can see on page 70. 9) It has come to my attention that as an employee, I’m not allowed to enter the contest. 10) If I had been allowed, guess who would have won?

Bruce Kelley, editor-in-chief Write to me at [email protected]. INSTANT JOINT PAIN RELIEF FROM THE LEADER IN JOINT SUPPLEMENTS!

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Based on Nielsen date for 52 weeks ending 2/24/18. Letters

COMMENTS ON THE MAY ISSUE

50 Ways to have holes patched and Survive the walls repainted in her exam Hospital room. I always leave feeling I am a registered nurse disappointed that the state and found your tips well of her office is so far be- defined. However, I take neath the caliber of care issue with your “How I receive from her. So much to Say It” recommenda- can change with a little ef- tions, such as “I’m sorry, fort and a few cans of paint. but I’m really nervous WENDY YECKLEY, about infections. I know Mohnton, Pennsylvania you are very careful, but would you mind washing your hands The Bell Still Tolls for me?” Why should the patient be I gasped in surprise as I read the sorry? Just say “I’m really nervous name McSavaney in the short list of about infections. Please wash your men from the small town of London, hands, use hand sanitizer, or put Ohio, who died during a war. Part of on gloves.” One can make straight- his name was even in the illustration. forward requests without being John McSavaney was my uncle. He confrontational. was declared MIA in World War II SUE ELLEN COLLINS, Monrovia, Indiana and was finally shipped home in 1946. What a wonderful story for us Everyday Heroes to add to our genealogical journey. Finally a Heroes story that wasn’t CAROL LEE CHERRY, via e-mail gory! Reading “Design for Living,” about how Nancy Ballard got some Your True Stories fellow artists to brighten up the After reading “Enjoying the Quiet,” chemotherapy rooms in her San Karen Autenrieth’s story of her Francisco doctor’s office, I was husband’s bucket-list parasailing thrilled to see her idea making such experience and his surprise at how a difference for people. I have been quiet it was, I can relate that it’s not

pestering one of my physicians to just because he wasn’t wearing his COHEN MATTHEW BY PHOTOGRAPH

6 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com hearing aids. I took an opportunity to go up in a hot-air balloon and was equally amazed at the absence of noise. The higher we went, the quieter it became. We mortals don’t YOUR AHA! MOMENTS realize how much noise surrounds us every day on terra firma until we get “How to Create an Aha! Moment” a chance to soar with the birds. sparked many of you to share your own. SHERRIE FACCHINE, Jupiter, Florida Driving to my third day on a 13 Things You Didn’t Know Houston jury, I realized I was truly About Mother’s Day looking forward to it and wishing I didn’t have to return to work. I recently told my granddaughter That night I decided I would quit how we celebrated Mother’s Day my bank job, get a PhD (previ- (and Father’s Day) when I was little. ously only a passing fancy), and My parents, my sister, and I would become a professor. And so I did. dress up for church, wearing roses MARGARET LANGFORD, pinned to our dresses, or in the case New Braunfels, Texas of our father, his suit. A red rose sym- Whenever I can’t think of some- bolized that your mother or father thing, I try for a while, then leave was still alive; a white one meant he it to my unconscious mind. I’m or she had died. Mother, my sister, 89 years old and figure I have a lot of debris in the attic of my brain, and I always wore red, but Daddy also it takes time to go through all ways wore white, his parents having those years of accumulation. died years before. I have noticed that Sure enough, maybe a day later, not many people seem to follow this the name will just pop into my custom. Perhaps we should revive it. head. That keeps me from think- JEAN GUICE, Denham Springs, Louisiana ing I’m getting Alzheimer’s. RUTH CEIKE MEIER, So You’re Going to the Melbourne, Florida Royal Wedding! Suggesting conversation starters for SHARE YOUR GLORY STORY chatting up the queen, author Andy Are you a champion WINNERS Simmons asked, “When is a piece fox-trotter? A blue- WANTED! of wood like a queen?” To which ribbon pie baker? Did our nine-year-old granddaughter, you hit the lottery? Tell Caleigh, replied, “When it’s made us what you won—and into a queen bed.” Smart kid! what it took—at rd.com/iwon.

SHUTTERSTOCK DORI VROMAN, Vista, California

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 7 EVERYDAY HEROES

When his homeless patients can’t get to a physician, he goes to them The Doctor Is Out

BY JIM AXELROD FROM CBS NEWS

IT’S A FRIDAY morning in Bos- walking around where the homeless ton, which means Dr. Jim O’Connell live—in parks, under bridges, and is making his rounds. He might be on the outskirts of town. They treat more comfortable inside an exam about 700 regular patients. During room, but that’s not where his these rounds, O’Connell himself usu- patients are. O’Connell is one of a ally sees about 20 patients. He knows handful of physicians making house where most of them sleep and whom calls to the homeless in the city. to ask if they are missing. “I feel like More than 550,000 Americans I’m a country doctor in the middle are homeless, and many have of the city, you know?” he said. ➸ health problems but no access to Shortly after this photo was taken, a care. O’Connell and his team, made homeless woman nearby tripped and up of psychiatrists, internists, a nurse cut her scalp. “Dr. O’Connell stepped in practitioner, a case manager, and a with a level of care and compassion that recovery coach, are doing something felt so gentle and nonjudgmental,” said about it. They spend their days our photographer, Chris Churchill.

8 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRIS CHURCHILL

EVERYDAY HEROES

not find a more grateful population.” And his patients are grateful. “This man is unbelievable!” one remarked. “He’s like Jesus,” another added. O’Connell dispenses just about everything, from stitches for an arm to surgery for the soul. If patients can’t be treated on the street, he finds them a treatment bed at the organization’s medical respite facility, a place for patients who are too sick to be on the streets but not ill enough for a hospital stay. “Everything I had been taught to do [in medical school]—go fast, be efficient—was counterproductive when you take care of homeless people,” O’Connell told Harvard Magazine. “When you see somebody For O’Connell, getting to know his fellow outside, you get them a cup of coffee Bostonians is the best part of the job. and sit with them. Sometimes it took six months or a year of offering O’Connell went to Harvard a sandwich or coffee before someone Medical School and was on his way would start to talk to me. But once to a prestigious oncology fellowship they engage, they’ll come to you any- when his chief suggested he take time because they trust you. I often what was supposed to be a one-year say that the best training I had for position as the founding physician this job was having been a bartender, of a new health-care program for because it’s all about listening.” Boston’s homeless. That turned into When asked about how his life a 33-year career at the Boston Health might have turned out had he Care for the Homeless Program, one become a highly paid oncologist, of the country’s largest of its kind. O’Connell said, “I never think about “You realize, ‘You know what, I’m it anymore.” just a doctor. And what I can do is Some things are more valuable I can get to know you and ease your than money. Just ask the man suffering, just as I would as an oncol- who gets everything from patients ogist,’” O’Connell said. “You could who have nothing material to give.

10 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com CBS NEWS © 2018 CBS INTERACTIVE INC. another, andthenanother. was covered, hemoved onto Andwhenthat cemetery cemetery. veteran inhisgrandpa’sfor every donations tobuyflagsandflowers taking onoddjobsandsoliciting do somethingaboutitorletgo.” plain aboutsomething,youhave to him, “Son, ifyou’re goingtocom- April had told aflag.So cemetery veteranthat inthe notevery Redding, California, andrealizing was visitinghisgrandpa’s grave in andpassionate,”this angry shesaid. never seenhimlikethat before. “Not said. Anddisappointed. Sharp sure knows thefeeling. appalled, but12-year-old Preston Next thingApril knew,Preston was What upsethersonsomuch Preston’s mom, April Sharp, had “Yeah, Iwassurprised,” Preston of veterans to thegraves week—adding flags every what hedoes Preston Sharpdoing USED WITHPERMISSION OFCBSNEWS (JUNE 9, 2017),COPYRIGHT ©2017BY CBSINTERACTIVE INC.ALLRIGHTS RESERVED. YOUNG BOYS BOYS YOUNG Planting Patriotism aren’t easily BY STEVE HARTMAN something about it. an injustice anddecidedtodo led by aproud grandson whosaw who are so grateful theydid,all andthoseold, ofthosewhoserved what hedoes.” isdoing a youngman inthiscountry them outbecause theycan’tbelieve land said.“What he’s doingbrings “It’sFredLoveland. amazing,” Love- join in.People likeVietnam veteran Flowers—folks feelcompelledto page, Preston Sharp/Vet flagsand has aFacebookat acemetery—he word getsoutthat Preston be will protecting us,” Preston said. out there intherain doingtheirjob, wereshine—especially rain. “They week,rain or And hedoesitevery and anestimated 65,000graves later. FROM CBSNEWS It isamovement ofyoung and His devotioniscontagious. When Here weare, nearlythree years rd.com

07/08 • 2018

VOICES VIEWS

Department of Wit Why I’ve Decided Not to Write My Memoirs

BY ARLENE AIKINS

A NOTE ABOUT THE AUTHOR (by her granddaughter, network news producer Allison Arlene Hansen): Not long before she died, I sneaked away for a Grandma sleepover. A character who was always full of surprises, she motioned me to her beloved writing desk—black with gold chinoiserie and a white leather top. “That’s yours,” ARLENE AIKINS she said. “You’re a writer, like me. You get the purple box was a proud mother inside too.” I opened the box to find stacks of her stories, of two, grandmother of six, and great- some sweet, some adventurous, some droll—just like her. grandmother of 12, This one, an amusing look back written when she was in and a lifelong writer. her 70s, shows her fondness for the unexpected path. ➸

ILLUSTRATION BY JOANA AVILLEZ rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 13 DEPARTMENT OF WIT

Dear Children, I also tend to pick at a certain area As you know, for years I’ve planned of my head when I’m searching for to write up the memories I’ve been exactly the right phrasing. It seems saving on scraps of paper since you to me the hair is a little thinner now were young. I’ve kept them put away in that one area. in safe places, like memory hooks I spend a great deal of time staring holding on to funny remarks and out the window in contemplation. actions. I’ve noticed I’m having a wee bit of “Guess Who Gets to Keep the trouble sometimes getting my eyes to White Rat for the Summer?” was one focus again, and once in a while I get of my favorites. a little twitch in the left eye. And the one about the frog we I also carry around a notebook in planned to train for the Frog Jump at my purse to capture the thoughts I’m the Calaveras County Fair until your coming up with during the day when father hit it with the lawn mower I’m driving around or at the grocery while he was mowing the backyard. store. The notebook takes up so (My training as a nurse came in much space in my purse! handy when I was called to splint It’s great to have pictures to illus- its leg with a Popsicle stick.) trate the writings—they add so And the one about the baby alliga- much. But in finding just the right tors who lived in our backyard pond. ones, I have to search around We do have an interesting history through all the boxes, and the house with animals, don’t we? is in disarray. In fact, I’m becoming Now that you are grown and off a little bit absentminded, I have to having adventures with your own admit, from all this creative concen- children, I’ve enrolled in a memoir- tration. I forgot to turn on the coffee- writing class. You know what? It’s pot the other morning, and yesterday such a struggle! the potatoes burned when I was I wake up in the middle of the writing down this great description night with just the right thought in that came to me out of the blue at my mind. Grabbing notepaper and dinnertime. pen, I go in the bathroom and write Your dad is supportive, but it’s it down. Great! I don’t want to lose a mistake to let him read my articles that, and in the morning it may be while I’m composing them, I find. gone. Last week he very nicely said, But I’m having trouble getting “I don’t like the way this sounds. back to sleep these days and find Why don’t you say so-and-so?” and myself nodding off in my chair after I didn’t handle it too well. In fact, I

dinner. said, “Please! I read this in class, (AIKINS) JOE MCKENDRY BY ILLUSTRATION PREVIOUS PAGE:

14 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST

and they thought it was good. I’m my rest. And frankly, I think your not changing it.” dad misses me watching those great We are encouraged to be original, PBS shows and National Geographic so instead of writing “I remember,” specials on TV with him. He says he’s I said something like “The long- lonesome. Enjoy the ones I’ve written dormant brain cells were activated because I’ve decided not to write any again,” and he said, “That’s corny. more memoirs. Why don’t you say ‘sweet memories’?” Love, Mom To which I replied, “We’re supposed to EPILOGUE be original. ‘Sweet When Grandma gave memories’—that’s so me those stacks of everyday.” Later I handwritten stories decided it sounded in the magic lavender ridiculous. But the box, many of which right expression I’d never read, on came—during the top was a letter ad- night. Naturally I dressed to “Editor jumped up and got of Reader’s Digest.” it written just the Grandma explained way I wanted. that she had written It’s all sort of an Two generations of writers: that letter a hundred exquisite torture, as granddaughter and grandmother times. But she’d never the expression goes. sent it, and though I’m walking around with dark circles many of her stories made it into her underneath puffy eyes. local paper, her life’s dream remained So, my dears, I’ve decided it’s fun to be published in the magazine. to write and relive all the memorable After she passed away at 94, I made times I’ve enjoyed in my life and to it my life’s dream, too, and sent her share the happy days of your growing- work to Reader’s Digest. You made up years. But I think at my age, I need it, Grandma!

THE LOW-WATER MARK

When I was a tour guide at Niagara Falls, the most common question was “What time do they turn the water off?”

STEPHANIE BLETZACKER/COURTESY ALLISON ARLENE HANSEN BLETZACKER/COURTESY STEPHANIE @CHRISDOBMEIER

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 15 WORDS OF LASTING INTEREST

The car accident marred one teenager’s face, but it left no scratch on a friendship The Gift of Forgiveness

BY JAMIE QUATRO FROM O, THE OPRAH MAGAZINE

THE SUMMER I TURNED 16, my father gave me his refur- bished ’69 Chevy Malibu convertible. Cherry red, chrome accents, V-8 engine—a gift wasted on me at that age. What did I know about classic cars? The important thing was that Han- nah and I could drive around Tucson with the top down. Hannah was my best friend, a year younger but much taller, almost five foot ten. “Hannah’s a knockout,” my mother always said. And sure enough, that summer she signed with a modeling agency. She was already doing catalog and runway work. JAMIE QUATRO A month after my birthday, Hannah and I went to the mov- teaches at ies. On the way home, we stopped at the McDonald’s drive- Sewanee: The University of through, putting the fries on the seat between us to share. the South. Her “Let’s ride around awhile,” I said. It was a clear night, oven- first novel, Fire warm, full moon slung low over the desert. Taking a curve too Sermon, is fast, I hit a patch of dirt and fishtailed. I then plowed through available now. a neighbor’s landscape wall and drove into a full-grown palm. The front wheels came to rest halfway up the tree trunk. French fries on the floor, the dash, and my lap. An impossible amount of blood on Hannah’s face, flaps of skin hanging

into her eyes. They took us in separate ambulances. In the JOE MCKENDRY BY ILLUSTRATION

16 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com ER, my parents spoke quietly: Best rest is window dressing.” I started plastic surgeon in the city. End of her to protest, and Sharon stopped me. modeling career. “I forgive you. Hannah will too.” We’d been wearing lap belts, but Sharon’s forgiveness allowed Han- the car didn’t have shoulder har- nah and me to get back in the car nesses. I’d cracked my cheekbone together that summer, to stay friends on the steering wheel; Hannah’s throughout high school and college, forehead had split wide open on the to be in each other’s weddings, and dash. What would I say to her? to watch my four teenagers fawn over When her mother, Sharon, came her three younger children. I think into my hospital room, I started to of her gift of forgiveness every time cry, bracing myself for her anger. I’m tempted to resent someone for She sat beside me and took my hand. a perceived wrong. And whenever “I rear-ended my best friend when I see Hannah. The scars are so faded I was your age,” she said. “I totaled no one else would notice, but in her car and mine.” the sunlight I can still see the faint “I’m so sorry,” I said. shimmer just below her hairline— “You’re both alive,” she said. “The for me, an imprint of grace.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE DECEMBER 2016 ISSUE OF O, THE OPRAH MAGAZINE.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 17 FINISH THIS SENTENCE The one thing I never go

A small Swiss Army Aloe. knife. My husband always gets I broke the knife blade sunburned. off so it would pass through airport security, ROBYN GAYLORD but I’ve used the other A can tools on it many times. of smoked SUSAN FLADAGER oysters Kearney, NE from Trader Joe’s in case I get hungry Leadville, CO on the plane. BERTI KLEIN A container of Clorox wipes. Los Angeles, CA Prescott, AZ Hotel rooms (especially TV remotes) can be nasty! MELISSA PRESSER

My acrostic puzzles. Toe tape for They keep my mind dancers. occupied and let me A blister from walking relax at the same time. can ruin everything. LIZ BRIGGS PAMELA MARTIN on vacation without is … My lavender essential oil. It helps me relax and fall asleep when I’m away from home. MARCIA LEE Bail money. MARY VENIS St. Paul, MN Neenah, WI

New York, NY Huntley, IL Streetsboro, OH

Windsor Mill, MD

Cash. A corkscrew. I keep a There’s nothing worse $20 bill under the than having a nice insoles of both bottle of wine on my shoes. vacation with no way I could be stranded My of pulling the cork. somewhere MICHAEL FAHEY without any of Imodıum my things, but at least I’d have tablets. some money. Better safe KATHERINE LORENCZ than sorry! DENISE ODEN

New Orleans, LA

Join our Inner Circle Community at tmbinnercircle.com for the chance to finish the next sentence.

MAP BY 5W INFOGRAPHICS rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 19 Your True Stories

IN 100 WORDS

GOD’S BUBBLE safest flight ever. So BATH sit back, relax, and acific Northwest don’t worry, because P beaches occasion- if anything happens to ally have unusual my sister, our mother quantities of sea- will kill me.” People foam, which forms applauded. It was the because of large algal best flight ever. blooms, storms, and LANEY WILKINS, dissolved matter Roswell, New Mexico from marine plant life. On one foamy TABLE HOPPER day, my husband and I hen my husband left Portland with our two Wand I go to our kids, then ages six and four, to go to favorite restaurant for lunch, he often the beach. As soon as our car crested rejects the first and sometimes the a dune, we got our first glimpse of second table we’re given. I’ve never the shoreline. “Look, Mommy,” our understood why, but after 30 years, four-year-old shouted excitedly. I am used to it. Recently, he accepted “God put bubble bath in the ocean!” the first booth the hostess offered. AVERIL MCALLISTER, Wilsonville, Oregon Moments later, he said, “I don’t want to sit here.” A waitress moved us to THE FRIENDLIEST SKIES a corner booth ten feet away. As I flew standby on a cross-country opened my mouth to ask why we I flight piloted by my older brother. needed to move, a car crashed Of course, my seat was way in the through the restaurant, destroying back of the plane, and I managed to the booth we’d just moved from. I’ll whack every elbow on my slow hike always sit wherever he wants to sit. up the aisle. People glared. Soon my LINDA BROWN, Loganville, Georgia brother’s voice filled the air: “This is your captain speaking. The last To read more 100-word stories and to submit your own, go to rd.com/stories. passenger on this flight was my sister. If your story is selected for publication in This will be the fastest, smoothest, the magazine, we’ll pay you $100.

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Is a railroad company responsible for keeping insects away from its employees? The Case of the Mosquito-Bitten Worker

BY VICKI GLEMBOCKI

EVERY MORNING when William 58-year-old William spent his days Nami and his crew stepped out of leveling the track and packing the their truck to repair and replace the crushed stones that lay underneath rail line in Sweeny, Texas, they were the tracks, didn’t close completely swarmed and bitten by mosquitoes. and there were holes in the floor. He It shouldn’t have been a surprise; could never escape the bugs. William Sweeny had long ago christened itself reported the problems to his super- “the mosquito capital of the world.” visor at Union Pacific Railroad, Still, those working on the job from where he’d worked for 32 years, but July to October 2008 amid tall grasses he says the company didn’t repair were basically a buffet for the mosqui- them, mow the grass along the rail- toes, especially after September 13, road tracks, or provide bug spray. when Hurricane Ike blew through and On October 22, William’s daugh- left pools and puddles everywhere. ter Sarah Nami found her father It didn’t help that the door on the slumped over on the couch at home. cab of the tamping machine, where He was sweating and mumbling ➸

22 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY NOMA BAR Things you can count on: The tallest tales. The best of friends. And a phone that catches it all.

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Airtime service plan is required for activation. Phone and plan sold separately. A month equals 30 days. *Unlimited carryover — Service must be active and in use within any six-month period. †Requires a compatible or unlocked 4G LTE smartphone. Actual availability, coverage, and speed may vary. LTE is a trademark of ETSI. YOU BE THE JUDGE incoherently, and he had a fever of 103. Sarah called her mother, who rushed home from work, and together they lifted William off the couch and got him to the emergency THE VERDICT room. After many tests, William was diagnosed with West Nile virus, No, it was not. A jury in the Dis- an infectious disease spread by trict Court of DeWitt County did find that Union Pacific was negli- mosquitoes that can develop into a gent and deserved 80 percent potentially life-threatening neurolog- of the blame for William Nami’s ical infection. As a result, he devel- illness. (It ruled that William him- oped encephalitis and has suffered self was 20 percent to blame be- permanent damage, including cogni- cause he didn’t try to mitigate tive impairment, muscle weakness, the problem with bug spray or and decreased kidney function. He long-sleeved shirts.) William was can no longer work. awarded $752,000 in damages, and Texas’s 13th Court of Appeals In 2012, William sued Union upheld that ruling. But the Su- Pacific under the 1908 Federal Em- preme Court of Texas overturned ployers’ Liability Act, which protects those rulings. It cited a common railroad workers hurt on the job. He law doctrine called ferae naturae, claimed the company was negligent which states that a landowner is for not providing him a safe work not liable for the acts of wild ani- environment. Union Pacific argued mals on the owner’s property if that since 2002, the company had the owner hasn’t attracted the animals on purpose. The court held several safety meetings and decided that the law applied to sent a bulletin to employees about business owners as well. “There is the threat of West Nile (which no evidence that Union Pacific William said he’d never received could have done anything to pre- and knew nothing about). Plus, it vent mosquitoes throughout the was impossible to tell whether the area from being around its siding mosquito that infected William bit and tracks,” explained the Su- him at the work site in Sweeny or at preme Court on June 24, 2016. Further, “Union Pacific did his home, at a football game, or, re- nothing to attract mosquitoes, ally, anyplace he went outdoors dur- indigenous to ... all South Texas.” ing his time on that job. “Basically,” says the railroad’s at- torney, Bob Burns, “the railroad Was Union Pacific negligent because couldn’t be found to be negligent it didn’t protect an employee from for the actions of mosquitoes.”

mosquitoes? You be the judge. SHUTTERSTOCK

24 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com funny, and sometimes they’re outrageous. Sometimes you can’t comprehend them, and sometimes they’re painful ... But the more you get hit, the more fun it’s going to be. NICK NOLTE, actor, in Men’s Journal

ONE OF THE BEST feelings is when WE SCIENTISTS have found that doing you know that luck didn’t play a role a kindness produces the single most in your success. Doing work reliable momentary increase in well- eliminates the need for luck. I’m being of any exercise we have tested. not lucky; I just took the stairs. MARTIN SELIGMAN, LILLY SINGH, psychologist, in his book Flourish YouTube performer, in her book, How to Be a Bawse THERE WILL ALWAYS be folks hard- selling you the life of the few: the pri- NOT MUCH HAPPENS when we’re vate schools, private planes, private in our comfort zone. I hear people islands. They are trying to convince say, “But I’m concerned about you that hell is other people. Don’t security.” My response to that is believe it. We are far more frequently simple: “Security is for cadavers.” each other’s shelter and correction.

BOB PARSONS, ZADIE SMITH,

MATT SAYLES/AP/SHUTTERSTOCK MATT entrepreneur, on bobparsons.com writer, in a commencement speech

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 25 Life IN THESE UNITED STATES

AS MY TWO SONS were climbing if we won the lottery. I started: into the back seat of our car, Eric, “I’d hire a cook so that I could just five, yelled, “I call the left side!” say, ‘Hey, make me a sandwich!’” That didn’t sit well with Ron, four. Thomas shook his head. “Not me. “No, I want the left side!” I already have one of those.” “I want the left side!” JULIE PHELAN, Cincinnati, Ohio “No, I want the left side!” Intervening, I said, “Since Eric is I WAS ADMIRING my aunt’s neck- older, he can have the left side.” lace when she surprised me by an- “Thanks, Dad!” said Eric. “Which nouncing, “I’m leaving it to you in side is left?” my will.” JOSH WESTON, Montclair, New Jersey I was overjoyed, perhaps too much. “Oh!” I shouted. “I’m looking MY HUSBAND AND I were day- forward to that!” dreaming about what we would do MONA RANDEM, North Chicago, Illinois

26 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com CARTOON BY ROLLI YOU KNOW HOW some TV news stations will caption a story to better ? explain it? These news captions could use their own captions: I “Wife stabs husband with squirrel” SURVEY SAYS! I “Will high gas prices cost your kids their eductaion?” Name actual responses to I “Inmate overdoses on underwear” prompts on Family Feud that are so ludicrous they no doubt I “Man killed to death” started real family feuds. Sources: Bay News 9, Fox News, LEX 18, and WBTV Answer: These.

I ASKED MY 91-year-old father, Q: Name a type of foreign money. A: Monopoly. “Dad, what were your good old days?” Q: Name a farm animal that His thoughtful reply: “When I the farmer may grow so fond wasn’t good, and I wasn’t old.” of, he might not want to eat it. F. M., via rd.com A: Dog.

Q: Name a place where you THE FIRST THING I did when I heard might see another person take our great-granddaughter was born off all their clothes. was to text my son: “You are a great A: The mall. uncle!” He texted me back immediately: Q: Name something a duck and a “Thank you. What did I do?” chicken have in common. A: They both quack. PEGGY KLASSE, Westbrook, Minnesota Q: Name a place where it’s smart OVERHEARD: My 15-year-old to know where the exits are. niece fighting with her friend. “You A: Church. think I can’t live without you? Who Q: If someone tells you a secret, do you think you are, my phone how many people do you tell? charger?” A: Five. @ERUM_SANGJI (HASEENA GOLIMAAR) Q: Name something you eat I ASKED A FRIEND in Seattle too much of. what the difference was between A: Food. Source: stupidgsa.com a state like Washington and one like

Florida. He shrugged. “Apples and Got a funny story about friends or family? oranges.” It could be worth $$$. For details, see

THE NOUN PROJECT JOHN FRIES, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania page 3 or go to rd.com/submit.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 27 1+

2+ ‡

The Best Family Vacatıon Ever A mother learns to forget the snags and snipes. The journey is as memorable as the destination.

BY HEIDI STEVENS FROM THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE

PHOTOGRAPH BY MATTHEW COHEN

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 29 THE BEST FAMILY VACATION EVER

TRAVELING WITH KIDS is famous by HGTV’s Fixer Upper. We 90 percent reminding yourself to live would play outdoor mini golf in in the moment and 10 percent vow- January. ing to never again leave your house. We would have nothing to com- I have an uncanny ability to forget plain about! We would be leaving this as soon as we return home from behind school and work for a hotel a trip and I’ve finished washing our pool and Texas-shaped waffles and 74 loads of laundry (guys, did we bring wall-to-wall fun! home other people’s And yet—we found suitcases too?) and things to complain we’ve settled back into about. And by we, I a routine and looked We made our mean two of us. And by through our vacation memories at the two of us, I mean the photos and started other two. feeling nostalgic for tail end of a The pool was bigger the place we just left. very long day, in in that other hotel! Family travel is like That’s not how you play childbirth, I suppose. a tiny pool near Uno! Why do you get to Painful, loud, messy, a Texas airport. shower first? They call sort of awful, actually, this coffee?!? (That last but also spectacular. And one may have been me.) you remember only the spectacular— Luckily, I’d packed my metaphori- until you’re back on a plane bound cal coat of armor. I’ve learned to for someplace new and your kids are put it on as soon as we land some- fighting over who gets the aisle seat where, and it forces complaints to while irate passengers bore actual bounce off me and land in a pile holes in your clothing with their eyes, at my feet. I shrug. I grin. I’m like which is fine because you could use the shruggie emoji. the ventilation since you’re sweating For three days, genuine fun was from shouldering all six carry-ons. had, frivolous complaints were lodged Then you remember the bad stuff. and ignored, and more genuine fun Or maybe that’s just me? was had. Until it was time to return It was me last weekend when the car, hop a plane, and fly home. my kids and I flew to Texas for my Except our flight was canceled. daughter’s trampoline and tumbling And so was the flight after that. (Fog competition, plus a couple of side in Chicago.) And once that airline trips. We would tour the Dallas resumed flying, there would be no Cowboys’ stadium. We would visit room on any of its flights for another

Waco’s Magnolia Market, made 21 hours. RAWPIXEL.COM/SHUTTERSTOCK DE LOSS/OFFSET. GHISLAIN & MARIE DAVID MNSTUDIO/SHUTTERSTOCK. FROM TOP: PREVIOUS SPREAD,

30 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com our already- finding a hotel room.

family travel is all those things I said memories are where you make them, before, but it’s also a lot more. not where you find them. My kids It’s taking your kids to parts of made them at the tail end of a very the world that will open their eyes long day, in a tiny pool near a Texas and their minds and finding that, airport. So I did too.

3 EASY WAYS TO ADD JOY TO YOUR TRIP

Leo Babauta at zenhabits.com specializes in mindfulness training, and his pointers for de-stressing daily life are especially helpful when applied to traveling with the extended family.

Z Put space between Z Spend at least five Z Eat slowly. Food things. Don’t schedule minutes each day can be crammed items on your itinerary doing nothing. Just down your throat, close together. A sit in silence. Become but where’s the joy vacation isn’t a race, aware of your thoughts. in that? Savor each and you can leave some Notice the world bite, and take in breathing room in your around you without the surroundings schedule. That will help worrying about moving while you’re at it. everyone relax, espe- through it and on to the You’ll even eat less. cially if one stop on next thing. One good (Imagine that: a your tour takes longer place: in a chair by the vacation where you than expected. window in a hotel room. don’t gain weight.) KUALLA/SHUTTERSTOCK

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 31 TECHNOLOGY

Maybe you don’t need your oil changed so soon after all Car-Care Myths

FROM THE FAMILY HANDYMAN

“Premium fuel helps performance.” “I have to change the oil every Premium gas won’t make a difference 3,000 miles.” You can actually wait in any normal vehicle. Only cars built much longer. Most modern cars can for less combustible fuel need it. Your go 7,500 miles or more without fresh manual will tell you if premium is oil. Check your car’s manual for the required or just “recommended,” in proper maintenance schedule. which case you can skip it and save. “Well, I might as well change my “I’ll get more gas if I fill up in the coolant fluid and air filters when I morning.” The temperature of gaso- do get my oil changed.” The me- line doesn’t change much when the chanic may recommend you change air is cooler, so you aren’t saving these out “while they’re at it,” but it any money by filling up in the cold. could be a waste. Again, check your manual. “Electric cars are more likely than conventional cars to catch fire.” “Driving with my tailgate down While there had been some concern reduces drag on my truck, making that the battery in hybrid and electric it more fuel efficient.” The TV show cars might catch fire after a crash, the MythBusters tested this theory and National Highway Traffic Safety Ad- found that trucks had more drag ministration issued a report stating with the tailgate down than up. To these vehicles do not pose a greater really improve efficiency, replace risk of fire than gas-powered ones. the tailgate with mesh.

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It is more a measure of your borrowing than of your overall financial health Why I Stopped Worrying About My Credit Score

BY HOLLY JOHNSON FROM THESIMPLEDOLLAR.COM

IF YOU BELIEVED everything you read about your credit score, you’d think it was the most important component of your financial health. Without a good credit score and history, the experts say, it’s more difficult to qualify for a mortgage or a car loan—and more expensive if you’re approved for a loan, too, because you won’t get the best interest rates. In many states, bad credit can even raise your insurance premiums, cost you a rental apartment, or make it harder to get hired. While all of that is true, it doesn’t tell the whole story. First off, there are several credit scores out there. While it’s important

36 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com to nurture your credit scores by using 820 for a while. But when we paid off credit responsibly, your FICO credit one of our rental properties in 2017, score may not be the same as what we both saw our credit scores fall by VantageScore reports, and lenders 20 or more points. The sudden drop may use a different one entirely, took place because we completed a so obsessing over one score can be 15-year loan and reduced the average a fruitless exercise. length of our credit history tremen- More important, as financial re- dously. In other words, because we porter Dave Ramsey notes on his blog paid off and closed a line of credit, (daveramsey.com), your credit score our scores took a hit. is not a measure of your overall finan- That’s a racket if I’ve ever heard cial health. “All it tells you is whether one. I would rather be debt-free than you are good at borrowing money and have a perfect credit score. paying it back. That’s it,” he writes. I do track my score and new ac- FICO, the most popular credit- counts opened on creditkarma.com— scoring agency, uses which is free—but that’s several weighted factors mostly just to prevent fraud to determine your credit and identity theft, not to score, including payment judge my score. history (35 percent), Your credit score is amounts owed (30 per- certainly important when cent), length of credit you’re starting out and likely history (15 percent), new to borrow money for a down credit (10 percent), and payment on a home or some HOLLY JOHNSON credit mix (10 percent). Be- other big purchase. But once is an award- lieve it or not, these criteria winning per- you’re fairly established allow you to be penalized sonal finance financially, it’s much easier for becoming debt-free! writer and the to see it for what it really is: My husband and I enjoyed author of Zero a measure of how well you steady credit scores above Down Your Debt. borrow money.

BEWARE THE ETERNAL BAD HAIR DAY

Make good choices because ghosts are stuck with the haircut they died with.

ILLUSTRATION BY JOE MCKENDRY BY ILLUSTRATION @SGTCURRYPANTS

PHOTOGRAPH BY MATTHEW COHEN rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 37 LIFE WELL LIVED Sanford Greenberg (far left) and Art Garfunkel, back at Columbia in 2016

As a man goes blind, his friend watches his back His Bridge Over Troubled Water

BY PAUL HOND FROM COLUMBIA MAGAZINE

ONE DAY during his freshman talked about girls and sports, but year at Columbia University, Sanford Garfunkel wanted to talk about ... a “Sandy” Greenberg, class of 1962, patch of grass! stood on campus by a grassy plot with Was there a luckier guy on campus his classmate Arthur Garfunkel. “San- than Greenberg? Here he was, a poor ford, look at that patch of grass. You kid from Buffalo, New York, on full see the colors? The shapes? The way scholarship, taking classes from the blades bend?” Garfunkel asked. superstars such as anthropologist

Greenberg was smitten. Other guys Margaret Mead, physicist Leon SAKS JEFFERY

38 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com Lederman, historian James Shenton, glaucoma. That winter, doctors and poet Mark Van Doren. And he operated on Greenberg’s eyes. The had a great new pal, a brainy kid from surgery didn’t work. Greenberg was New York City with a pure tenor voice. going blind. He was so depressed But in the summer of 1960, just that he refused to see anyone from before junior year, Greenberg’s college. fortune changed. He was in Buffalo, But Garfunkel went up to Buffalo playing baseball, when anyway. his vision “steamed “I don’t want to up.” He had to lie talk,” Greenberg said. down on the grass “Sanford,” said until the clouds went Garfunkel. “You must away. The doctor talk.” said it was allergic Garfunkel per- conjunctivitis. suaded Greenberg to Back at school that go back to Columbia fall, Greenberg had and offered to be his more episodes, but reader. he didn’t tell anyone. In September 1961, He didn’t believe it Greenberg returned was anything serious. to campus. Garfun- Still, his roommates— kel, Speyer, and a Garfunkel and Jerry third friend read text- The two friends during their Speyer—saw that he college days, in the early ’60s books to him, taking was having trouble. time out from their On the first morning of finals, own studies, and Greenberg ended Garfunkel escorted Greenberg to up scoring straight A’s. Still, he was University Gym, where exams were tentative about getting around alone held. Greenberg started writing at and relied on his friends to help him. 9 a.m. By 10:30, he couldn’t see a Then, one afternoon, Greenberg thing. He lurched to the front of and Garfunkel went to Midtown the gym and handed his blue book Manhattan. When it was time for to the proctor. Greenberg to go back to campus, “I can’t see, sir,” he said. Garfunkel said he had an appoint- The proctor laughed. “I’ve heard ment and couldn’t accompany him. some terrific excuses,” he said, “but Greenberg panicked. They argued, that’s the best.” and Garfunkel walked off, leaving Greenberg went back to Buffalo, Greenberg alone in Grand Central

COURTESY ART GARFUNKEL AND SANFORD GREENBERG GARFUNKEL AND SANFORD ART COURTESY where he received another diagnosis: Terminal. Greenberg, bewildered,

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 39 LIFE WELL LIVED stumbled through the rush-hour and went on to become a successful crowd. He took a shuttle train west inventor and businessman. to Times Square, then transferred to Garfunkel went on to become Art an uptown train. Four miles later, Garfunkel. he got off at the Columbia University Recently, Greenberg recalled stop. At the university’s gates, some- Garfunkel reading him Our Town, one bumped into him. which, he says, was their “manual “Oops, excuse me, for living.” The play’s sir.” message is that Greenberg knew the humans, caught up voice. It was Garfun- Greenberg’s first in daily concerns, fail kel’s. Greenberg’s first reaction was to appreciate life’s reaction was rage, but rage, but then beauty and precious- in the next second, he ness. “That’s all human realized what he had he realized what beings are!” says the just accomplished— he had just character Emily Webb and realized, too, who Gibbs, a dead woman had made it possible. accomplished. looking down upon “It was one of the living and aston- the most brilliant ished by their folly. strategies,” Greenberg says. “Arthur, “Just blind people!” of course, had been with me the Not Greenberg. He sees everything, whole way.” sings every blessing, great and After graduation, Greenberg small: from the love of his family and got his MBA from Columbia and a friends to the dew-dappled grooves PhD from Harvard. He married his of a blade of grass. girlfriend, Sue; was a White House “You are talking,” he says today, fellow in the Johnson administration; “to the luckiest man in the world.”

BIG DAM DEAL

At roughly 2,790 feet long, the world’s largest known beaver dam (discovered by satellite imagery in Canada’s Wood Buffalo National Park) is more than twice the width of the Hoover Dam.

Source: National Geographic

40 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com

FOOD

Slow cookers and blenders are designed to be easy, but you still need the proper tools and techniques Error-Free Ways to Use These Kitchen Appliances

BY MARISSA LALIBERTE

Microwave the top of the dish rather than baking Container shape is key when it (or overbaking) the whole thing. comes to reheating food. The corners Check your oven’s manual first, of rectangular containers usually though. Some ovens are designed for attract more energy than other areas, open-door broil, but escaped heat leaving the food in those spots could damage the knobs on others. overcooked. A round container, on the other hand, allows food to reheat Slow Cooker more uniformly. And don’t add Truly trapped heat that cooks the seasonings until you’re done nuking food unabated over several hours is the meal. Microwave energy is drawn the trick here. Opening the lid lets to salt, so a seasoned top will collect that heat out and could mean that heat and leave the outer layer of your dish won’t be done when you’d your food dry. If you’d rather add planned. Resist the temptation to salt first, stir it in thoroughly. take a quick look or give it a stir until there’s less than an hour to go; as Oven Broiler long as your pot is between half and Keeping the door of your oven closed three-quarters full, the dish will fin- allows heat and steam to build up, ish cooking just fine. which is ideal for baking—but not for broiling. Venting the steam helps Dishwasher broiled food develop the crustiness There really is a science to stacking. you’re going for; the escape of hot air A British study found that the middle also means you’ll be cooking mostly of the racks in the dishwasher, above

42 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY MATTHEW COHEN the rotating arms, gets the strongest spray of water. That’s best for dishes with starchy stains such as potato remnants, which rely more on the force of water than on chemical de- tergent to get clean. On the other hand, dishes soiled with protein resi- due such as egg don’t need as much force. Keep them at the edges of the rack; the slower spray keeps the soap there longer. Blender When your blender stalls every few seconds, there’s a reason— the placement of your ingredients. Start with the liquid base (or yo- gurt, for a smoothie), then layer ingredients from smallest to largest, keeping ice and other tough pieces at the top. The blades will run smoothly through the liquid while the hard ingredients get incorporated gradually. Mixer The beaters in a stand mixer can become misaligned over time. There should be as little space as possible between the beater and bowl—just enough to reach all the ingredients without hitting and scratching the sides. To fix most units, first locate the adjustment screw on the neck by lifting the head or lowering the bowl (depending on your model). Then turn the screw to the left to raise the beater or to the right to lower it. Consult your mixer’s manual to find more detailed directions.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 43 HEALTH

Just because a test exists doesn’t mean you’d benefit from it. Here’s how to tell which ones make sense for you. 4 Cancer Screenings You May or May Not Need BY LAUREN CAHN

1 Breast 3 Lung The American Cancer Unless you smoke or Society recommends that quit less than 15 years ago women get mammograms and you are between the every year, but not until ages of 55 and 80, you age 45. You may need to 3 likely don’t need a lung 1 start screenings earlier if cancer screening. you have a family history of breast cancer or 4 Prostate genetic mutations that The U.S. Preventive hinder the function of 2 Services Task Force ad- genes such as BRCA1 and vises men 70 and older BRCA2, which repair 4 to skip the prostate- damaged DNA and help specific antigen (PSA) suppress tumors. test entirely, but men ages 55 to 69 should de- 2 Colon cide for themselves. (Pros- You probably don’t tate cancer is slow growing, need a colonoscopy or and treatment can severely other colon cancer screen- affect quality of life.) But if ing tests until you’re 50, you are African American or unless you have a parent, if you have a father, brother, sibling, or child who was or son who had prostate diagnosed with colorectal cancer before age 65, cancer or adenomatous discuss screening with your

polyps before age 60. doctor starting at age 45. (2) SHUTTERSTOCK SHEBEKO. VITANOVSKI. JOVAN FROM LEFT:

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*Fingersticks are required for treatment decisions when you see Check Blood Glucose symbol, when symptoms do not match system readings, when you suspect readings may be inaccurate, or when you experience symptoms that may be due to high or low blood glucose. REFERENCES: 1. FreeStyle Libre User’s Manual. 2. Data on File. Abbott Diabetes Care. 3. Participating pharmacies are VXEMHFWWRFKDQJHZLWKRXWQRWLFH3DWLHQWVZLWKPHGLFDOEHQHƓWFRYHUDJHYLVLW)UHH6W\OH/LEUHXV INDICATIONS AND IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION 7KH)UHH6W\OH/LEUH)ODVK*OXFRVH0RQLWRULQJV\VWHPLVDFRQWLQXRXVJOXFRVHPRQLWRULQJ &*0 GHYLFHLQGLFDWHGIRU replacing blood glucose testing and detecting trends and tracking patterns aiding in the detection of episodes of hyperglycemia and hypoglycemia, facilitating both acute and long-term therapy adjustments in persons (age 18 and older) with diabetes. The system is intended for single patient use and requires a prescription. CONTRAINDICATIONS:5HPRYHWKHVHQVRUEHIRUH05,&7VFDQ;UD\RUGLDWKHUP\WUHDWPHQW WARNINGS/LIMITATIONS: Do not ignore symptoms that may be due to low or high blood glucose, hypoglycemic unawareness, or dehydration. Check sensor glucose readings with a blood glucose meter when Check Blood Glucose symbol appears, when symptoms do not match system readings, or when readings are suspected to be inaccurate. The FreeStyle Libre system does not KDYHDODUPVXQOHVVWKHVHQVRULVVFDQQHGDQGWKHV\VWHPFRQWDLQVVPDOOSDUWVWKDWPD\EHGDQJHURXVLIVZDOORZHG7KH)UHH6W\OH /LEUHV\VWHPLVQRWDSSURYHGIRUSUHJQDQWZRPHQSHUVRQVRQGLDO\VLVRUFULWLFDOO\LOOSRSXODWLRQ6HQVRUSODFHPHQWLVQRWDSSURYHG for sites other than the back of the arm and standard precautions for transmission of blood borne pathogens should be taken. 7KHEXLOWLQEORRGJOXFRVHPHWHULVQRWIRUXVHRQGHK\GUDWHGK\SRWHQVLYHLQVKRFNK\SHUJO\FHPLFK\SHURVPRODUVWDWHZLWKRU ZLWKRXWNHWRVLVQHRQDWHVFULWLFDOO\LOOSDWLHQWVRUIRUGLDJQRVLVRUVFUHHQLQJRIGLDEHWHV5HYLHZDOOSURGXFWLQIRUPDWLRQEHIRUHXVH RUFRQWDFW$EERWW7ROO)UHH RUYLVLWZZZIUHHVW\OHOLEUHXVIRUGHWDLOHGLQGLFDWLRQVIRUXVHDQGVDIHW\LQIRUPDWLRQ )UHH6W\OH/LEUHDQGUHODWHGEUDQGPDUNVDUHWUDGHPDUNVRI$EERWW'LDEHWHV&DUH,QFLQYDULRXVMXULVGLFWLRQV7KHSURGXFWLPDJHV DUHIRULOOXVWUDWLYHSXUSRVHVRQO\ k$EERWW$'&Y NEWS FROM THE World of Medicine

Teaching Mosquitoes to Doctor Loyalty Pays Off Leave You Alone In a two-year study of more than Forgot your insect repellent while 230,000 patients ages 62 to 82, those out for a hike? Just wave your arms. who had the highest level of continu- A study published in Current Biology ity of care (meaning that they usually reports that mosquitoes dislike air saw the same doctor) had 12 percent vibrations, such as those you create fewer hospitalizations for prevent- when you move. And when vibrations able conditions such as asthma and are combined with your unique odor, pneumonia than did those with the mosquitoes associate them with your lowest level. Other factors of conti- odor and steer clear. nuity of care include having a good relationship with your doctor and Grilled or Broiled Meats having your doctor share informa- May Raise Blood Pressure tion with any specialists you see. In a study of more than 100,000 men and women, researchers found that Exercising for One Hour participants who ate grilled, broiled, May Cut Depression Risk or roasted beef, chicken, or fish at A study that followed nearly 34,000 least 15 times a month were healthy adults in 17 percent more likely to develop Norway found high blood pressure than that those who those who didn’t exercise consumed were 44 percent these foods more likely to fewer than become depressed, four times compared with per month. those who exercised The likely cause: one or two hours potentially harmful a week. And they compounds produced didn’t need to do a when meats are cooked at vigorous workout; just very high temperatures or walking at a moderate over an open flame. pace was enough.

46 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY THE VOORHES Inability to Identify Odors Avoiding Unnecessary Might Signify Dementia Biopsies In a recent study, nearly 3,000 adults If your doctor suspects you may have ages 57 to 85 were asked to identify prostate cancer, ask about a targeted five common odors. One percent of diagnostic exam called a multi- the subjects were not able to identify parametric MRI. A needle biopsy, any of the smells; five years later, the most commonly used diagnostic almost all these participants had procedure, tests only random tissue been diagnosed with dementia. In samples and can cause bleeding, another study of nearly 300 people pain, and infection. The MRI can whose parents or siblings had de- cover the entire gland, making it eas- mentia, those with the most difficulty ier to spot malignancies and deter- in identifying odors also had higher mine their size and density. A biopsy levels of tau and beta-amyloid pro- may still be needed if the findings are teins, both biomarkers of Alzheimer’s suspicious, but using an MRI first disease. If you find that your sense of could reduce unnecessary biopsies smell is no longer as sharp as it used by 27 percent—and detect up to to be, ask your doctor to evaluate you 18 percent more advanced cases of for Alzheimer’s disease. cancer, says a study in the Lancet. ALL IN A Day’s Work

“It’s serious. There are no TED Talks for what you have.”

THINKING NO ONE could hear me illustrate how writing can skew as I loaded a UPS tractor trailer, I based on gender: A professor wrote began to whistle. I was really getting on the blackboard, “Woman without into it when a coworker in the next her man is nothing.” The students trailer poked his head in. “You know, were then instructed to insert the I always used to wish I could whistle,” proper punctuation. he said. “Now I just wish you could.” The men wrote, “Woman, without MEGS BRUNNER, Dauphin, Pennsylvania her man, is nothing.” The women wrote, “Woman! WHEN I WAS a proofreader, I shared Without her, man is nothing.” with my coworkers this example to SUSAN ALLEN, Phoenix, Arizona

48 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com CARTOON BY JON CARTER SCENE: A sports store. through it, eventually landing on an Customer: Do you have jogging ad for pants from another local store. shorts? Exasperated, the customer glared at Me: We have running shorts. How me and said, “In my newspaper, the fast were you planning on going? ad was for this store!” STEPHANIE CHAPMAN, EDWARD OPPENHEIMER, El Paso, Texas Arlington, Massachusetts

I USED TO TEACH preschoolers at a day care. Recently, I was in my college gym when some guy ran COME AGAIN? through the weight room and tripped. Instead of an offer to help, the “day Hospital patients are care teacher” in me came out and understandably distracted, admonished, “This is why we use our which might explain these odd walking feet.” Source: tumblr.com statements heard by nurses: I Patient, when asked about SCENE: A public pool. I’m testing her chief complaints: “Well, my the chlorine and pH level of the hair hurts.” water when a woman approaches. I “There was a little hard pellet Woman: Is the chlorine all right? inside my mouth, and I think Is it safe to come in? maybe it was my ovary.” Me: Absolutely. I “I didn’t actually fall. It was a Woman: Because last time we came controlled landing.” here, when we went home, our skin I “Oh, I’m just so constipated! was dark. Please bring me some eye Me: Oh, the chlorine wouldn’t do drops!” that to your skin. I Woman: Patient with seizures: “I had No? Then what would? to come to the ER because I quit Me: … The sun? Source: notalwaysright.com taking my peanut butterball.” (He meant phenobarbital.) A CUSTOMER WALKED into my I “My father had thyroids, and I clothing shop and asked to see the think I do too.”

pants that were advertised in the Source: nursebuff.com paper that day. “We don’t have an ad in the paper

today,” I told her. Anything funny happen to you at work She insisted I was wrong, so I got lately? It could be worth $$$. For details,

THE NOUN PROJECT a copy of the paper, and we went see page 3 or go to rd.com/submit.

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THE BEST ADVICE I EVER GOT

Suggestions about life are a little like lottery tickets: You may collect a lot of them, but they rarely pay off. Yet if you are truly lucky, you receive a few words of wisdom that inspire you forever. That’s called hitting the jackpot.

PHOTOGRAPHS BY THE VOORHES rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 51 FROM A BEAUTY QUEEN ZIP UP YOUR GOGO BOOTS AND SMILE

BY TRISHA COBURN

grew up in a small town in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, Anniston, Alabama. I Much of the town worked at the cotton mill, the Fort McClellan Army base, or the Monsanto chemical plant. The town stank like rotten eggs. It was a poor town where girls got married at 14. They were usually preg- nant by 15. My mama had five kids by the age of 22, and six of her eight hus- bands came from Fort McClellan. My siblings and I grew up in a hous- ing project. At school, we had to eat last because we were the welfare kids. By the time I was eight years old, I was cleaning houses and babysitting. But you know, I didn’t mind. I felt safer working than being at home with Mama and all those strange men coming and going all the time. When I turned 12 years old, I got my

“The greatest bit of advice I ever received was ‘Don’t worry, READER’S DIGEST

dream job, working the concession at and says, “You ain’t goin’ down there. the movie theater. I got a chance to It’s a whorehouse!” She throws the see how people outside the projects card down on the floor. Now I’m re- behaved and how they dressed. ally confused, but I knew I had to do One day, the tallest woman I’d ever something. So when Mama wasn’t seen walked in. She had on a big pink looking, I picked up that card and I hat. She was wearing a pink dress. She went to a neighbor’s and I called Miss was carrying a pink pocketbook and Macy and told her Mama won’t let me wearing white gloves. She walked up to come to her school. Miss Macy said, the counter and said, “I’ll have a large “Don’t you worry about that, honey. popcorn, a large RC Cola, and a large I’ll handle it.” Hershey bar with almonds.” I thought, Now, Miss Macy knew a little bit She must be rich. Nobody orders large. about my family because her husband So she looked at me and said, was the town judge, and he had sen- “What’s your name?” And I said, “Tri- tenced one of my stepfathers to prison sha Mitchell.” She said, “How old are a couple of times. So Miss Macy told you?” And I’m thinking, Why is she Mama I could come to her school free asking me all these questions? I an- and I might even be in the newspaper swered, “Twelve.” She said, “How tall one day and that could make Mama are ya, honey?” I said, “I don’t know, look real important. Mama let me go. ma’am.” And she said, “Well, stand After work Miss Macy would teach me against that RC Cola machine. I’m how to walk up and down stairs like a gonna measure your height.” lady. She taught me how to sit properly She pulls out a pink measuring tape. in a chair and even how to exit a room. She said, “My, you are tall for your And she encouraged me to enter age.” And she opens up her bag and every beauty contest that came to Ala- gives me a pink card. She said, “I am bama, like Miss Talladega 500 Race- Olma Macy Harwell. I run Miss Macy’s way. Some of them I won, including Charm School down on Tenth and Miss Cotton Crop and Miss Escalator. Noble. Have your mama call me.” It was the first escalator the town had Well, after work I’m clutching that ever seen. pink card, and I run home. Mom was One day at the charm school, she’s sitting at the kitchen table, paintin’ waving this Glamour magazine above her fingernails red and drinkin’ a her head. She said, “We are going to glass of gin. I go, “Look, Mama! Miss a modeling competition at the Wal- Macy wants me to come to her charm dorf Astoria in New York City!” Now, I school.” Mama looks at the school didn’t know whether to start crying or

no one else knows what they’re doing either.’ ” RICKY GERVAIS

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 53 THE BEST ADVICE I EVER GOT get excited. I’d never thought in a mil- walked into the Waldorf Astoria hotel. lion years I’d go to New York City. The When the competition started, I was trip was expensive, but I had a year, so immediately intimidated. I thought for I started working three jobs. sure I did not belong there, with my One day I’m walking down the striped hair and my white go-go boots. street and this little old lady comes And I didn’t see one girl walk on the up to me, and she says, “Honey, I just runway the way Miss Macy had taught got my welfare check, but I’m gonna me, by tiltin’ and tuckin’ and keeping give you $5 to help you leave to go her chin up. They’re walking all fanci- up north.” I said, “Ma’am, how’d you fied and flippin’ their hair over their know I need any money?” She said, shoulder. I pretended to be confident, “Well, Miss Macy went on the radio but I was really scared people were this morning and told the whole town gonna find out who I really was, this that we gotta help you leave.” poor white girl from the projects. But And the town did help. JCPenney Miss Macy, she never stopped encour- gave me a madras miniskirt with a aging me. When it was my turn to walk matching jacket. The shoe department the runway, she said, “You get on out gave me a pair of white patent leather there. Those judges need to know how go-go boots. The jewelry store gave we show clothes in Alabama.” me an alarm clock. And the beauty The competition was judged by two parlor frosted my hair. I walked in a top model agents, Wilhelmina and brunette, and I walked out a striped Ford, and by the editors of Glamour platinum blonde. They even peroxided and Mademoiselle. And when it was my eyebrows. over, I didn’t win anything, and Miss A few days before leaving to go to Macy, oh, she was just fit to be tied. New York, an envelope arrived at the It’s a Sunday afternoon. We were charm school with my name on it. In- going back to Alabama the next day. side was $2,000 and a note that read, “I Miss Macy’s frantically pacing our want to help you leave to become suc- hotel room, drinking Drambuie. She cessful.” I still don’t know who sent it. said, “I am not prepared to take you back to Alabama tomorrow. There is n May of 1971, I was 18 years nothing there for you.” She picked up old. Miss Macy and I boarded the telephone and called the Birming- Ithe train for New York City with ham newspaper. She told them I had a bottle of Drambuie and a just been signed with the world’s most brown paper bag filled with southern famous model agency. fried chicken. Thirty hours later, we When she hung up, I couldn’t

“Today is the youngest you will ever be. Live like it.” MARK CUBAN READER’S DIGEST believe it. I said, “Miss Macy, that ain’t back to Alabama tomorrow. She is true.” When I look back on that, I re- staying in New York City and becom- alize that Miss Macy had a far better ing a model with your agency.” understanding of how destitute my I didn’t know whether Wilhelmina life was in Alabama. And she just kind was gonna burst out laughing or, you of ignored my protesting and ordered know, applaud Miss Macy. So Wil- me to get dressed. We were gonna go helmina said, “Well, where is she?” down to the bar in the hotel lobby. Miss Macy snapped her fingers. I am So I put on my madras miniskirt sweating so much behind that palm and my go-go boots, tree that my white pat- and she puts on her “I AM NOT ent leather go-go boots big hat and her white are all stuck together. gloves. Right when I’m PREPARED When I manage to reaching for the door, TO TAKE YOU unstick them, I go stand she picks up the tele- BACK ... THERE next to Miss Macy, and phone and calls Gov- Wilhelmina says, “Well, ernor George Wallace. IS NOTHING do you have a name?” “George? This is Olma THERE I go, “Yes, ma’am. My Macy Harwell calling FOR YOU.” name’s Trisha Mitchell.” you from the Waldorf She says, “So tell me, Astoria in New York Trisha Mitchell, what’s City. Our Alabaman girl, she just got so special about you? Why would I signed with the world’s most famous wanna hire you as one of my models?” model agency. That’s right, Governor. God, my heart was pounding at We’re putting Alabama on the map.” that moment. I didn’t know the right Well, at that point, I just grabbed that thing to say, but this one word popped bottle of Drambuie and I am chugging into my head. It was the word that it. Miss Macy grabbed my arm and we Miss Macy had always told me about head down to the Palm Bar. We walk myself. And I said, “Determination, in, and there sat Wilhelmina in an en- ma’am.” She said, “Well, why don’t tourage of people and a swirl of ciga- you and Miss Macy come to my office rette smoke. Miss Macy walks right up tomorrow morning?” to her. I hide behind a palm tree. The next day, Wilhelmina handed Miss Macy says, “Wilhelmina, I am me a contract. She said, “I’d like to see Olma Macy Harwell from Anniston, what you can do with that determina- Alabama, and I have a young lady tion. But first, we have to do some- with me that I am not prepared to take thing about your hair.”

“Wear your own shoes.” OCTAVIA SPENCER

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 55 FROM AMERICA’S PASTOR INTERVIEWED BY ALANNA NASH BILLY America’s foremost evangelist, Billy Graham, passed away on GRAHAM’S February 21, 2018, at the age of 99. In his book The Journey, Graham 6 RULES shared principles for living—which he expounded on exclusively for OF LIVING Reader’s Digest in 2007.

“You have a choice in life. You can either put your stuff in your READER’S DIGEST

1. Make it your goal to live at peace 4. Never repay evil with evil. Evil is with others. Is it possible to do this sin; it’s a deadly cancer that has in- with everyone in our lives? Unfortu- vaded our souls. It isn’t just an illusion nately, no; even our best efforts may or an absence of good. Ultimately, all not change another person’s attitude. evil comes from Satan, according to The key is to ask God if we’re at fault, the Bible. Satan is real, and he is ab- and if so, to confess it and seek his solutely opposed to God. Still, we are help to overcome it. Life is temporary responsible for our own actions. Why and fleeting. We’re here for just a short some people repeatedly choose to do time. We shouldn’t waste our days but evil instead of good is a puzzle to me, live them for God’s glory. because evil eventually destroys those who practice it. Only God can replace 2. Avoid revenge. Don’t be a captive the evil and sin in our hearts with love of the past. If someone has harmed us and kindness. by breaking the law, we have the right to bring that person to justice, both 5. Treat others as you’d want them for our good and the good of society. to treat you. This simple but pro- But hurting someone only because found principle—the Golden Rule— they have hurt us is another matter. comes from Jesus’s Sermon on the We can’t change the past; we can only Mount. How different our lives would seek God’s forgiveness for whatever it be if we actually practiced this! The is we did wrong. Bible also tells us, “With humility comes wisdom.” Every day I realize 3. Guard your tongue. Use it for good I’m just a sinner like everyone else, instead of evil. How many marriages and I have been forgiven only because and friendships have been destroyed of God’s grace. because of criticism that has spun out of control? But the tongue can also 6. Practice the power of forgive- be used for good; that should be our ness. I adhere to the philosophy of goal. When people ask me for advice hating the sin but loving the sinner. about their personal problems, which The key is to realize that this is the they often do, I always try to give them way God sees us. When we sin, it’s an answer based on the Bible. “Do not as if we’re shaking our fists in God’s let any unwholesome talk come out of face, telling him we know better than your mouths, but only what is helpful he does how to run our lives. But God for building others up according to also hates sin because he loves us, and their needs.” he knows what sin does to us.

pockets and take it to your grave, or you can help someone.” HODA KOTB

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 57 FROM RD READERS Today Is the First Day Of Your Future I was considering going back to 8 LIFE school for my master’s degree but was put off by the fact that it would LESSONS take me six years—one course a quarter—to do it. I just happened to THAT read an advice column, and the person writing in was pondering getting LASTED a degree. The columnist offered this

“Your actions speak so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying. READER’S DIGEST

advice: “Four years from now, where Judge Not will you be? You can have a degree I heard a quote from the Joyce Meyer and a better job or be still doing the Ministries that I live by and has same thing and wishing you had changed my life: “You never have the degree.” I enrolled that day and six enough information to judge any- years later graduated with a master’s. body.” How many times have we MARILYN CLARK, Jacksonville, Florida assumed something about someone and didn’t know all the facts? Don’t Correct Everything LORI SAMPSON, One of the daily chores for my Berkeley Heights, New Jersey 12-year-old daughter, Joann, was to clean up after dinner, including It’s OK to Hurt sweeping the floor. I lamented to a After I miscarried my first baby at coworker that while walking around four months, I was devastated. All I barefoot in the kitchen, I could feel heard from everyone was you can each and every crumb my daughter’s have another baby, get over it, time “swift sweeping” had missed, which heals all wounds, etc. My mother had resulted in disharmony at home. My the best advice. She said, “Honey, coworker, Kathy, who was a mother time does heal all wounds, but of four, gave me advice that I use to remember that a scar will remain. this day: “Wear slippers.” All you need to do is take your finger PATRICIA BREY, Burlington, Wisconsin and gently rub that scar. That will be the link to your baby, and you will Skip the Stupid know that love is all around you.” As a child, I did many stupid things. Mom let me know that I wasn’t After one such amazingly dumb going crazy missing my baby. My stunt—trying to parachute out of mom had the experience of losing my second-story bedroom window not one child but two. Her second using a bedsheet as the parachute child (18 months old) died in her and landing rather hard on the lawn arms on the way to the hospital, and below—my father stood over me, the next day she miscarried her third looked down, and said, “Son, you’re baby. I was her fourth baby. going to have enough chances in life LOIS SCHYVINCK, Janesville, Wisconsin you don’t want to take, so don’t take any chances you don’t have to take.” Criticize in Quiet I quit taking stupid chances. As a newly minted chief in the DAVID KUNKEL, Tumwater, Washington Coast Guard Reserve, I must have

In other words, don’t just say it. Be it.” DREW BREES

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 59 THE BEST ADVICE I EVER GOT said something uncomplimentary to another Coastie. Immediately, a soft voice over my shoulder said, “Criticize in private and praise in public.” An older, wiser chief had given me the best leadership advice I ever received—in private. CALVIN KREFFT, Clarksville, Georgia FROM A FEW FAMOUS FOLKS Seize the Day When I was 20, I asked my little IF Italian grandmother whether I should marry a girl she liked very much. She AT FIRST would not give me a yes or no answer but rather said, “Somea time, you YOU go to the store and you see something butta you no buy. Then, you go back, and itsa gone.” That was 40 years ago. DON’T Since then there have been two beautiful daughters and two wonderful SUCCEED grandchildren. Thanks, Grandma. BOB SCHERER, Clarence, New York J. K. Rowling Winning Isn’t Everything “It is impossible to live without I was a young newlywed struggling failing at something, unless you live with marital issues that seemed huge so cautiously that you might as well at the time (though in reality they not have lived at all—in which case, weren’t). So I called my dad for help. you fail by default. Now, I am not My wise father said 13 words that going to tell you that failure is fun. changed my life. He said, “Do you [But] the knowledge that you have want to be right, or do you want to be emerged wiser and stronger from happy?” Those 13 words became sort setbacks means that you are, ever af- of a personal mantra for me and have ter, secure in your ability to survive.” served me well in many aspects of my life. And 16 years later, I am still Richard Branson happily married to that same man. “My mother always taught me OLIVIA LOWRY COOK, Eagle, Idaho never to look back in regret but to

“An old actor said to me once, ‘Learn how to nap.’ ” LIAM NEESON READER’S DIGEST

Michelle Kwan “I started figure skating at the age of five, and the first thing my coach taught me was how to fall. I remember gazing up with a puzzled expression, thinking, Shouldn’t I be learning to skate? Looking back, I realize that my coach was very smart. She knew I was bound to fall many times throughout my career and that I’d need to learn how to handle it.”

Michael Jordan “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Laura Linney move on to the next thing. The “As the late great Jack Lemmon amount of time people waste dwell- once said, ‘Failure seldom stops you. ing on failures rather than putting What stops you is the fear of failure.’ that energy into another project al- You will never achieve a deeper ways amazes me.” understanding of your work, or learn the tough lessons, if you are George Clooney liked or comfortable all the time.” “The best advice I got from my aunt, the great singer Rosemary Clooney, Wynton Marsalis and from my dad, who was a game “My father, a great musician whom show host and news anchor, was: I had seen killing himself to make Don’t wake up at 70 years old sighing barely enough to take care of his over what you should have tried. Just family, said, ‘Make sure you don’t do it, be willing to fail, and at least have anything to fall back on, you gave it a shot.” because you will.’”

“You have to show up, so why not compete?” VENUS WILLIAMS

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 61 FROM A COMMANDER LEARN TO STAY IN THE NOW

BY MARK DIVINE FROM THE BOOK THE WAY OF THE SEAL

n the pitch black, the sound of Chris’s canopy. Something was wrong. the helicopter’s rotor blades was I took a closer look—yep, he was com- Ideafening. The jumpmaster gave ing toward me. Standard operating us the thumbs-up as the light procedure for potential midair colli- turned green. I leaped out into the sions is for both jumpers to pull their dark. The static line did its job and right toggles, thereby moving them pulled my main chute from its rig. I away from each other. I turned right. counted one thousand one, one thou- Chris turned left and collided with me. sand two, one thousand three, and My canopy collapsed into a wob- looked up to check the canopy. Whew. bly sheet. I began plummeting to Everything looked AOK. the earth, picking up speed. I had Ahead in the darkness, I could see about eight seconds remaining in my the vague outline of my teammate 26-year-old life.

“You can tell a guy to go to hell today. Keep your mouth shut READER’S DIGEST

My mind slowed. My breathing slowed down and allowed a larger slowed. Time even slowed. Each sec- intelligence and calmness to flow ond seemed like a minute as I moved through me. I know I would’ve died if through the malfunction checklist: I’d tried to think my way out. Pull on riser to try to reinflate canopy Though most people will never face (nothing). Pull on reserve chute cord, the risk of plummeting to earth in a punch the bag and rip the reserve out, compromised parachute jump, we all and throw it as hard as possible into have challenges to overcome. I use the wind (no good—the reserve shot the term front-sight focus to describe up and waffled a bit around the main). the incredible concentration and I’m screwed. I took a deep breath and single-mindedness SEALs tap into shook the risers of the canopy again. when pursuing a target, whether Ticktock. Six seconds to impact. My they’re aiming a weapon at a terror- mind was clear and silent, watching, ist, planning a raid, or methodically waiting for results. I felt no fear, no working through a mess when things panic. I was not aware of the past or go wrong. Front-sight focus refers to the future, just the “now.” a shooter gazing intently at the front Suddenly the chute caught some sight on his or her weapon after lining air, and then I hit the ground like a it up with a target. When you do this, ton of bricks. The canopy had only you remain aware of your surround- partially inflated, but it was enough to ings and have your ultimate objec- slow me down for a survivable land- tive in your mind, but your attention ing. I waited a moment narrows down to that piece and took a deep breath to of metal just a few inches in confirm I was still alive. front of you. Amazingly unscathed, I Without front-sight focus got up, dusted myself off, in your life, you’re bound to and marched off to find get derailed, potentially kill- Chris so I could deck him. ing any chance of your op- What stuck with me erating at the highest level most from this experi- possible. With it, you’ll easily ence was how my Navy The New Edition distinguish high-value tar- SEAL training kicked in, An updated and gets from low-hanging fruit allowing me to perform expanded The and maintain total confi- Way of the SEAL under extremely stressful is available at dence as you move through conditions. Things felt al- wayoftheseal.com life amid any amount of most mystical as my mind and at retailers. turbulence.

and see if you feel the same way tomorrow.” WARREN BUFFETT

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 63 Laughter THE BEST MEDICINE

MY FRIENDS ASKED ME to go to get it started,” says the man. camping, so I made a list of the “I’m a man of the cloth. I don’t things I would need: “1. New friends.” even remember how to curse.” @ROBINMCCAULEY “You keep pulling on that rope, and it’ll come back to you.” A PRIEST BUYS a lawn mower at a Submitted by ROSE MATTIX, yard sale. Back home, he pulls on the Decatur, Illinois starter rope a few times with no results. He storms back to the yard sale MY DAD IS SO CHEAP that when and tells the previous owner, “I can’t he dies, he’s going to walk toward the get the mower to start!” light and turn it off.

“That’s because you have to curse Comedian MATIN ATRUSHI PIRARO/BIZARRO.COM DAN

64 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com WHAT’S A QUIET Hawaiian laugh? a hundred gun-, knife-, and Aloha. Submitted by KENNETH GOMEZ, chain-toting gang members appear, Glen Arbor, Michigan glaring at him angrily. The voice booms out again. WHEN A MAN is confronted on the “OK ... now you’re toast!” street by a tough-looking goon, he Source: tcm.faithsite.com murmurs to himself, “I’m toast.” Just then, a ray of light breaks forth MY NEW DIET is to pay people to tell from the sky and a voice booms me how thin I look. out, “No, you are not toast. Pick up @MICHAELIANBLACK that brick in front of you and bring it

down on his head.” Your funny joke, list, or quote might be Right after the man picks up the worth $$$. For details, see page 3 or go brick and knocks out the hoodlum, to rd.com/submit.

device— and it’s free! COURTESY CHELSEA LOCKWOOD COURTESY

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 65 bladder (OAB) treatment in its class. In clinical trials, those taking Myrbetriq made fewer trips to the bathroom and had fewer leaks than those not taking Myrbetriq. Your results may vary. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR OAB SYMPTOMS BY TALKING TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT MYRBETRIQ TODAY. USE OF MYRBETRIQ (meer-BEH-trick) Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) is a prescription medicine for adults used to treat overactive bladder (OAB) with symptoms of urgency, frequency, and leakage. IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION Myrbetriq is not for everyone. Do not use Myrbetriq if you have an allergy to mirabegron or any ingredients in Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may cause your blood pressure to increase or make your blood pressure worse if you have a history of high blood pressure. It is recommended that your doctor check your blood pressure while you are taking Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may increase your chances of not being able to empty your bladder. Tell your doctor right away if you have trouble emptying your bladder or you have a weak urine stream.

Myrbetriq® is a registered trademark of Astellas Pharma Inc. All other trademarks or registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. ©2018 Astellas Pharma US, Inc. All rights reserved. 057-2199-PM IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION (CONTINUED) Myrbetriq may cause allergic reactions that may be serious. If you experience swelling of the face, lips, throat or tongue, with or without difﬁ culty breathing, stop taking Myrbetriq and tell your doctor right away. Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take including medications for overactive bladder or other medicines such as thioridazine (Mellaril™ and Mellaril-S™), ﬂ ecainide (Tambocor®), propafenone (Rythmol®), digoxin (Lanoxin®). Myrbetriq may affect the way other medicines work, and other medicines may affect how Myrbetriq works. Before taking Myrbetriq, tell your doctor if you have liver or kidney problems. The most common side effects of Myrbetriq include increased blood pressure, common cold symptoms (nasopharyngitis), urinary tract infection, constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, and headache. For further information, please talk to your healthcare professional and see Brief Summary of Prescribing Information for Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) on the following pages. Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) extended-release tablets 25 mg, 50 mg Brief Summary based on FDA-approved patient labeling Read the Patient Information that comes with Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) before you start taking it and HDFKWLPH\RXJHWDUH¿OO7KHUHPD\EHQHZLQIRUPDWLRQ7KLVVXPPDU\GRHVQRWWDNHWKHSODFHRI WDONLQJZLWK\RXUGRFWRUDERXW\RXUPHGLFDOFRQGLWLRQRUWUHDWPHQW What is Myrbetriq (meer-BEH-trick)? Myrbetriq is a prescription medication for adults used to treat the following symptoms due to a condition called overactive bladder: • urge urinary incontinence: a strong need to urinate with leaking or wetting accidents • urgency: a strong need to urinate right away • frequency: urinating often ,WLVQRWNQRZQLI0\UEHWULTLVVDIHDQGHIIHFWLYHLQFKLOGUHQ Who should not use Myrbetriq? 'RQRWXVH0\UEHWULTLI\RXKDYHDQDOOHUJ\WRPLUDEHJURQRUDQ\RIWKHLQJUHGLHQWVLQ0\UEHWULT 6HHWKHHQGRIWKLVOHDÀHWIRUDFRPSOHWHOLVWRILQJUHGLHQWVLQ0\UEHWULT What should I tell my doctor before taking Myrbetriq? %HIRUH\RXWDNH0\UEHWULTWHOO\RXUGRFWRULI\RX • have liver problems or kidney problems • have very high uncontrolled blood pressure • have trouble emptying your bladder or you have a weak urine stream DUHSUHJQDQWRUSODQWREHFRPHSUHJQDQW,WLVQRWNQRZQLI0\UEHWULTZLOOKDUP\RXUXQERUQEDE\ 7DONWR\RXUGRFWRULI\RXDUHSUHJQDQWRUSODQWREHFRPHSUHJQDQW DUHEUHDVWIHHGLQJRUSODQWREUHDVWIHHG,WLVQRWNQRZQLI0\UEHWULTSDVVHVLQWR\RXUEUHDVWPLON

Myrbetriq®LVDUHJLVWHUHGWUDGHPDUNRI$VWHOODV3KDUPD,QF$OORWKHUWUDGHPDUNVRUUHJLVWHUHG WUDGHPDUNVDUHWKHSURSHUW\RIWKHLUUHVSHFWLYHRZQHUV $VWHOODV3KDUPD86,QF 5HYLVHG-XO\ $0,5%5)6 30 GRAND PRIZE “My cat Minerva enjoying the sunset on Moses Lake in Texas City. Minerva loves putting her paws in the water and sunning herself by the shore.” ABDULKAREEM HARUNANI, Rockford, Illinois PHOTO CONTEST RUNNER-UP “The day after we got seven- week-old Tootsie Lou, she fell asleep on my slipper. I snapped this just as she woke up.” ERIN VILLELLA, Peachtree City, Georgia

YOUR WINNING PET SHOTS We asked readers to send in their favorite animal pictures. We got some real dogs—and cats.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 71 YOUR WINNING PET SHOTS

RUNNER-UP “My friend and I went on a walk in Vermont and met this friendly horse who wanted attention.” BARBARA ADAMSON, Littleton, Colorado

RUNNER-UP “Our cat Steve always sits like a person. He also thinks he’s a model because we’re always photographing him.” KRISTIINA WILSON, New York, New York

72 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 73 YOUR WINNING PET SHOTS GO AHEAD, TRY NOT TO SMILE We received 1,287 photos for this year’s contest. Many of them were excellent, and these 17 went a step MEEP further—they made us laugh. NADINE SCHNEIDER, New City, New York

SCUTTLE CAESAR CHARLA VIRKLER, Kissimmee, Florida TISH DAY, Mossyrock, Washington

CASSI STERLING SANDI FRITCHLEY, Loudon, Tennessee JOANNE GOULDIN, Tucson, Arizona

74 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST

MAVERICK HOOCH KENDRA RICHARD, Daly City, California DON ALBRIGHT, Clayton, Washington

QUINCY CUBBINS MADISON MONTANARI, Dallas, Texas COLLEEN VAUGHN, Greer, South Carolina

BUGSY FINLEY ANDREA KOONCE, Mirando City, Texas KAITLIN KENNEY, Crownsville, Maryland

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 75 YOUR WINNING PET SHOTS

MANGO KITTY KAT ANDREA NARCISO, Chico, California LISA HOSTETTER, Waverly, Missouri

GUS JACKSON VIRGIL SWANSON, Greenfield, Iowa JACKI DAY, El Cajon, California

MICKEY TUCKER JIM BROWN, Bettendorf, Iowa KAREN FIGEL, Butler, Pennsylvania

76 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com ADVERTISEMENT BRING A NEW STORY HOME WITH YOU TODAY Make a Way for Relationship Wisdom Your Rescue How to establish And Believe for a New Beginning everlasting LOVE! David Piper Michael McDuﬀ ey www.iuniverse.com www.authorhouse.com Hardback | Paperback | E-book Hardback | Paperback | E-book $23.99 | $13.99 | $3.99 $26.99 | $13.99 | $3.99 In Make a Way for Your Rescue, author David Piper Relationship Wisdom will teach you how to establish challenges you to examine your heart to coni rm everlasting love. It will help you determine a good its sinkable condition, and invites you, through the mate from a bad mate or transform you into a lifeboat of the scriptures, to consider the eternally better partner. It is based on biblical principles and endurable heart of ered by your Rescuer. everyday real-life situations. Struth the Bloody Truth Finding the Warm Iarn Pernell and Fuzzies www.xlibris.com.au Dr. Annie Rohr Hardback | Paperback | E-book www.authorhouse.com $40.31 | $24.19 | $4.99 Hardback | Paperback | E-book $29.99 | $16.99 | $3.99 This book describes how we’ve all been living This book serves as a tool to remind families that according to a reality that exists only in our children have the ability to cope with di cult own mind’s creation. It explains how the church moments. Follow little Eddie on a journey where manipulated the purely natural human emotion of he learns to create his own happiness by i nding the fear to instill a belief in their god. warm and fuzzies. Children of a The Other Side Northern Kingdom of the Mic A Story of the Strangite Cecil Miller Mormons in Wisconsin and on www.xlibris.com Beaver Island, Michigan Hardback | Paperback | E-book Elaine Stienon $29.99 | $19.99 | $3.99 www.authorhouse.com The Other Side of the Mic shares Cecil Miller’s 58 years Paperback | E-book of professional experience in air tra c control. It $20.99 | $3.99 is about aviation history, the pilot, and behind the scenes of the air-tra c controller. A group of non-polygamous Mormons l ee to the north after the assassination of their prophet, Joseph Smith Jr. They make their way to Voree, Wisconsin, where a man named James Strang has declared himself to be their new prophet. NATIONAL INTEREST

As states loosen their marijuana laws, a doctor warns that the drug can be addictive and harmful to younger minds The Medical Case Against Kids Smoking

BY SUSHRUT JANGI, MD Pot BOSTON GLOBE FROM THE

hese days, it’s decidedly uncool to criticize marijuana and the rush toward legalization. So Tfar, 29 states and the District of Columbia allow medical marijuana, while nine states and DC permit recreational use. Sixty-one percent of Americans say they believe the drug should be legal, according to a recent Pew Research Center survey.

78 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com

THE MEDICAL CASE AGAINST KIDS SMOKING POT

But underscoring this incredible system that doesn’t consider addic- momentum for legalization is the mis- tion to marijuana a serious problem,” conception that marijuana can’t hurt Dr. Levy says. “We are simply not anybody. It can—especially young prepared for the fallout of marijuana people. The myth that cannabis, an- legalization.” other name for the plant, is not habit- Yet we don’t hear this perspective forming is constantly challenged by very often. Why not? “People strongly physicians. “There’s defend marijuana be- no question at all that cause they don’t want marijuana is addictive,” legalization to be de- Sharon Levy, MD, tells “If I ask kids, railed,” says Jodi Gil- me. She is the director man, PhD, an assistant of the Adolescent Sub- ‘Is marijuana professor at Harvard stance Abuse Program harmful?’ not Medical School with at Boston Children’s the Center for Addiction Hospital, one of a few a hand goes Medicine. Big money is programs designed to up,” says Jodi at stake. All told, the preemptively identify Gilman, PhD, states that have legal- substance-use prob- ized the drug raked in lems in teens. Anyone of Harvard. an estimated $1 billion can get hooked, but in taxes for 2017. A re- about one of every six cent study projected teens who smoke marijuana will be- that if marijuana were legal in all come addicted, research shows. 50 states, it would produce $46 billion One of Dr. Levy’s patients was an in federal sales tax revenue and more 18-year-old who started smoking pot than one million jobs by 2025. several times a day in tenth grade. She Last year, teen marijuana use went dropped out of high school, was fired up significantly for the first time in from several jobs, and stole money seven years, according to a large an- from her parents. “She and her family nual study conducted by the Univer- were at their wits’ end trying to find sity of Michigan. The latest National appropriate treatment in a health-care Survey on Drug Use and Health, completed in 2016, also showed an increase, while tobacco and alcohol SUSHRUT JANGI, MD, is an internist and instructor in use continued to decrease. medicine at Beth Israel “If you go into a high school and ask Deaconess Medical Center the classroom, ‘Are cigarettes harm- in Boston. ful? Is alcohol harmful?’ every kid

raises their hand,” Gilman says. “But (LEAF). SERGEJS MAKAROVS/SHUTTERSTOCK (HEAD); KICHIGIN/SHUTTERSTOCK (LEAVES); MAREN CARUSO/OFFSET PREVIOUS PAGE: JOE MCKENDRY BY ILLUSTRATION THIS PAGE:

80 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST

if I ask, ‘Is marijuana harmful?’ not a by the Food and Drug Administration. hand goes up.” In fact, more than half Of course, now we know that tobacco of 10th and 12th graders say they be- causes cancer, heart disease, and other lieve pot isn’t dangerous, according to health problems, and cigarette packag- a report from the RAND Corporation, ing carries mandatory warnings. a nonpartisan research organization. To bring balance to a narrative “That is an unintended consequence driven by pro-legalization campaigns, of legalization,” Pam Luna, a RAND Gilman and others are interested in consultant, told NPR. Or maybe it is leveraging data to show pot’s real intended. Pot proponents often argue effects. In 2014, Gilman published that one reason to legalize the drug research on 18-to-25-year-olds that is so its dosage and potency can be showed differences in the brain’s re- regulated. ward system between users and non- You might compare public percep- users. Teens who smoked marijuana tion now to the way people used to feel had significant abnormalities in the about tobacco. In the 1950s, nearly half areas of the brain linked to emotion, of Americans smoked tobacco. Mean- motivation, and decision making (see while, the big tobacco companies ag- sidebar below). “I got a lot of hate gressively used their lobbying power mail after that,” she says. to deceive the public about the harms In another study, Gilman found

COURTESY JODI GILMAN, PHD COURTESY of smoking and to forestall regulation that teens who smoked marijuana

TODAY’S WEED IS NOT YESTERDAY’S GRASS The ingredient in marijuana that produces the high is tetrahydro- cannabinol (THC). It’s also a medicinal ingredient, responsible for muting the effects of chronic pain, nausea, mood disorders, and other ailments. Over the decades, some marijuana strains A TEEN BRAIN ON POT have been bred to contain more THC and less of the substance that lessens When young people smoke the high, called cannabidiol (CBD). marijuana, their brains change. Because THC concentrations have The red and yellow areas above grown stronger, today’s “weed” might indicate abnormal growth in the well be 40 times more potent than nucleus accumbens, the part of the “grass” of the 1970s. the brain that affects motivation and learning.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 81 THE MEDICAL CASE AGAINST KIDS SMOKING POT daily showed long-term memory loss in crashes (often combined with alco- in adulthood—even years after they’d hol). Numerous studies have shown stopped. Heavy use can result in a loss that its use impairs driving and in- of six IQ points, about the same dip creases the risk of a crash. Since the that lead poisoning causes, according drug was legalized in Colorado, re- to the American Psychological Asso- lated visits to emergency rooms and ciation. In other studies, the brains of urgent care centers have increased young adult pot smok- almost threefold among ers have shown deterio- those under 21. ration in the language It’s worth bearing in areas, with more verbal Teens who mind that it was sci- memory decline among ence that eventually those who started at the frequently curtailed the power of youngest ages. smoked pot Big Tobacco and pre- The key ingredient vented nearly 800,000 in marijuana, tetra- were less likely cancer deaths in the hydrocannabinol (THC), to hold United States between attaches to brain re- full-time jobs 1975 and 2000. As mari- ceptors that modulate juana marches toward healthy behaviors such as adults. the same legal status as eating, learning, and as cigarettes, its poten- forming relationships. tial hazards will require Over time, THC rewires this whole equal attention by science. (The Na- cognitive system, throwing off its tional Institutes of Health is begin- finely tuned balance. Early evidence ning a ten-year study of the effects of in mice has shown that repeated ex- alcohol and drugs, as well as screen posure to THC causes these receptors time, nutrition, and exercise, on the to disappear altogether. adolescent brain. So far, more than The results can be lasting and detri- 7,600 adolescents have enrolled.) mental. Teens who frequently smoked The argument here isn’t whether pot, especially young men, were less marijuana should be legal. There are likely to hold full-time jobs as adults, champions on either side of that de- get married, or finish their education, bate. Instead, should the drug become a University of Connecticut study widely available, it’s to our detriment found. Young adults are three times to blindly consider legalization a vic- more likely than others to drive un- tory. We must be cautious when soci- der the influence of cannabis, which etal shifts can affect health, especially is the illicit drug most often detected among our most vulnerable.

82 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com That’s Outrageous! THIS IS NOT THE SMARTEST WAY TO ...

CRACK NUTS In 1991, a Chinese man slipped from the string received a mallet-like gift that, over and fell out of reach. the following 25 years, he used to Ten minutes later, it went smash open walnuts. That is, until he off. That was in 2004. It has happened to receive a leaflet passed been going off at the same out by local police regarding time every day since. explosive devices. Source: WABC-TV His nutcracker was in fact a 1960s-era GRAB A BITE A New York State hand grenade. woman pulled up to a fast-food Source: crienglish.com drive-through window and ordered a sandwich. That was when GET A DRIVER’S she was informed that she was LICENSE With the not at a drive-through but at the examiner in the car, security booth of the Riverhead a Buffalo, Minnesota, Correctional Facility, which was teen began her convenient. She was promptly ar- driver’s test by turning on rested and charged with driving while the ignition, taking the car out of ability impaired by drugs as well as park, tapping the accelerator, and driving without a license. Source: pix11.com driving her Chevy Equinox into—and through—the brick wall of the exami- HELP VICTIMS An agent of the nation station. Source: Star Tribune Department of Homeland Security was in Salt Lake City to warn of the HOOK UP A TV To find out where dangers of sexual exploitation. After the cable needed to go through the he spoke, he handed out his business wall to connect to his TV, a DIYer card. A reporter later called the num- set the alarm on a battery-powered ber on the card, only to be greeted clock to go off in ten minutes, tied with, “Hi, sexy!” It seems some a string around the clock, and slowly numerals had been inadvertently lowered it through an air vent. transposed, and the number on the When the timer went off, he’d know card was for a very different service. Deseret News JIANG HONGYAN/SHUTTERSTOCK where to drill. Except the clock Source:

ILLUSTRATION BY JOSÉ DE LA ROSA rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 83 LEISURE

Here are the tricks your favorite eateries use to separate you from your money SECRETS YOUR MENU WON’T TELL YOU

BY ANDY SIMMONS

ave you ever entered a restaurant craving a spin- ach salad, only to end up ordering the pig roast special? Chances are, the proprietors had a hand in that outcome. Be it a high-end eatery or a fast-food joint, a restaurant’s owners have clever ways to influence your choice. That soft background melody? A Scottish study found that diners spent 23 percent more when slow-tempo music was played. The red walls? That color stimulates appetite. And then there’s the menu. With its mouthwatering prose and ample use of consumer psychology, of course you want to sample every dish. We’ve annotated a menu you might find at a typical medium- priced eatery. Which of these tricks have you fallen for?

84 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com appetize s

Crispy Fried Mozzarella Sticks...... 12 THE FINE PRINT For some consumers, the dollar sign ap- parently screams, “Watch your wallet!” A Cornell University study found that guests at one restaurant, “given the numeral-only menu, spent significantly more than those who received a menu with prices showing a dollar sign.” Panko-Fried Calamari...... 9.95 THE FINE PRINT Prices ending with a 9, such as 9.99, “tend to signify value but not quality,” says the New York Times. Most restaurants round up; if not, they’ll go with .95. Bourbon-Braised Beef Short Ribs ...... 10.95 THE FINE PRINT Names with lots of consonants that start with the lips and end in the throat (such as b) tend to mimic the mouth movements of eating. These dishes were rated more flavorful than dishes with names featuring consonants that start from the back of the throat (e.g., the c in corn), says a study from the University of Cologne in Germany.

AUNT LOUISE’S FAMOUS House Salad ..... 3.95 Mac & Cheese…...12 THE FINE PRINT THE FINE PRINT A box around When dining, “healthy” is the name of a dish gives the a synonym for “Where’s the impression that the item is flavor?” So restaurants often special, says hospitality don't reference health and consultant Cenk Fikri. It works indicate a dish is good for well for dishes that cost little us by using a signpost, to make and get marked up. such as a leaf icon. THE NOUN PROJECT

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 85 ain c u ses

Tangy Plump Baby Back Spare Ribs ...... 19 THE FINE PRINT People notice bold listings 42 percent more than plain type when they read, one study showed. As for the words tangy and plump, a different study, authored by Cornell professor Brian Wansink, found that the artful use of adjectives increased sales by up to 27 percent. His study showed that “those who ate foods with evocative, descriptive menu names rated [them] as more appealing, tasty, and caloric than their regularly named counterparts.” Cheeseburger and Fries...... 12 THE FINE PRINT “Italic typeface conveys a perception of quality,” reports the BBC. A study conducted by Swiss and German researchers found that a wine labeled with a difficult-to-read script was liked more by drinkers than the same wine carrying a label using a simpler typeface.

Meat loaf with summer-whipped potatoes drenched in autumn root vegetables, winter squash, and who knows what else because by this point we’re just making things up to pad the dish’s name so you’ll notice it ...... 14.95 THE FINE PRINT If boxes, huge fonts, and italics don’t catch your eye, how about a super-long dish name? As the restaurant-software company Toast points out on its blog, anything that is different will draw the eye. THE NOUN PROJECT

86 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com The Golden Twice-Fried Platter...... 45 THE FINE PRINT The most desired piece of real estate on the menu is at the top right because that’s the spot on the page where our eyes tend to be drawn first—so that’s where the restaurant’s most profitable dish will likely be found. Tuna Noodle Casserole...... 18 THE FINE PRINT And when you place the most expensive dish at the top of the menu, says William Poundstone, author of Priceless: The Myth of Fair Value, “everything else near it looks like a relative bargain”—even when it’s not.

CHEF’S RECOMMENDATION Baked Chicken...... 16 THE FINE PRINT Phrases like chef’s recommendation are a way of telling you, “Order this!” Restaurants use them to sell their more profitable items and draw you away from your go-to dishes, which may not make them as much money.

esse ts

Sweet Georgia Peach Cobbler...... 5.95 THE FINE PRINT Restaurants use regional names to entice customers into ordering a particular dish, says Wansink. Want a good peach tart? Well, then, the peaches have to be from Georgia. Godiva Chocolate Brownie Sundae...... 6.95 THE FINE PRINT Brand names in menu items confer a built-in trust and create a guarantee to diners that they will love the dish.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 87 WHO KNEW? 8 Almost States If some independence- minded citizens had gotten their way, we would have a few more stars on our flag

BY THE EDITORS OF READER’S DIGEST

EBELS FIGHTING for their freedom created our country, so it’s not surprising that that spirit has bubbled up over the decades on a R smaller scale. From coast to coast and for a wide variety of reasons, factions of citizens have proposed seceding from their parent states. Obviously they didn’t get their way, or the United States would include more than 50 members today. But some came close, drafting constitutions, electing governors, and dreaming up names. Although they’ve mostly been forgotten to history, the stories of these eight states that almost were are still fascinating.

88 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com ILLUSTRATIONS BY NEIL GOWER ABSAROKA In 1939, the old boys of the Sheri- state (to which southern Montana dan Rotary Club rallied around was later added). They called their A. R. Swickard, a former professional proposed new home Absaroka, de- baseball player, with a plan to stand up rived from the Crow word Apsáalooke, for the grassland ranches of northern which means “children of the large- Wyoming and western South Dakota beaked bird.” by declaring for themselves a new Already smarting from Dust Bowl

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 89 8 ALMOST STATES devastation and perceived indiffer- for years afterward, a wishful-thinking ence from state legislatures, the area group of Mormon elders met secretly was newly disaffected by its minuscule after each legislative session and re- cut of New Deal aid. With winking sin- wrote the day’s new laws under the cerity, Swickard proclaimed himself “State of Deseret” name. governor and oversaw a Miss Absa- roka beauty contest. Novelty license FRANKLIN plates were created, and after the After the Revolutionary War, some king of Norway toured the area, dubi- of North Carolina’s frontier lands ous claims were made (now the northeastern of official recognition. portion of Tennessee) Today, the namesake Franklin were settled initially Absaroka State Take- even created by 5,000 or so pioneers over, a rockabilly car who felt they were un- show complete with its own represented by the far- pinup girls and hot rods, currency based away state capital. So occurs annually in Sher- not on bills they voted to secede, idan, Wyoming. naming their new home and coins Frankland and setting DESERET but on animal themselves up with a In 1849, Mormon set- skins. constitution, a gover- tlers tried to claim a nor, and a militia. massive region in the They later changed Southwest near the Rocky Mountains the name to Franklin, after Benja- and the Sierra Nevada, encompass- min Franklin in hopes of gaining ing parts of what are now nine states: his support. They even created their California, Oregon, Nevada, Utah, own currency based not on bills and Wyoming, Idaho, New Mexico, Ari- coins but on animal skins; the gov- zona, and Colorado. They set up their ernor received a salary of 1,000 deer own government founded on Mormon skins, while his secretary of state got principles, including polygamy, and 450 otter skins. elected church leader Brigham Young After four years, the rebellion fiz- as their governor. Deseret (meaning zled, and in 1789 Franklin’s leaders “honeybee” in the Book of Mormon) decided to rejoin North Carolina. Its could have been the largest state in short-lived statehood prompted a the country, but many opposed the clause in the U.S. Constitution prohib- idea. In 1850, the federal government iting states from breaking up to form opted to give Young and his followers new states without the consent of the the much smaller Utah Territory. Still, legislature.

90 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST

JEFFERSON flower (“Anything but a pansy!”), Jef- Locals in Southern Oregon and ferson began to seem like a real pos- Northern California have tossed sibility. But Pearl Harbor diverted the around ideas for the State of Jeffer- nation’s attention and put an end to son since at least 1854. Nearly a cen- the movement, though some would- tury later, in 1941, the mayor of the be Jeffersonians still hold on to hope. small coastal town of Port Orford, (Over the years, two different factions Oregon, along with a California in Texas and one in Kansas have also judge and a state senator, pushed for proposed their own spin-offs to be self-determination after supportive named Jefferson.) ranchers and other locals took over a highway near the border between the SCOTT states. With a “provisional governor” Even geography buffs might be sur- and hundreds of citizens marching prised to hear that the lost state of in the streets of the proposed state Scott technically existed as recently capital proclaiming about the state as 1986. During the Civil War, Scott

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 91 8 ALMOST STATES

County, in rugged eastern Tennes- took Scott’s charter papers with them, see, opted to break away from the destroying any real evidence of its ex- rest of the state. Its citizens were istence. After the war, the tiny state hardy mountain people, not planta- of Scott was mostly forgotten until tion owners or slaveholders. They Tennessee’s 125th anniversary, when distrusted the “planter class” and the it opted to join the celebration by re- “cotton oligarchs” and had no interest questing readmittance. in joining them in the slavery-bound Confederacy. In fact, when the rest SEQUOYAH of the state voted to leave the Union, Seeking to claim a part of the United 95 percent of area residents voted to States as their own, Native Ameri- stay, declaring themselves the Free cans conceived the state of Sequoyah and Independent State of Scott. The in 1905. Named after the Cherokee Tennessee state government largely leader who invented the tribe’s writ- ignored them, but the Confederacy ten language, Sequoyah was based dispatched troops to demand loyalty. on a tract of land in what was then The soldiers were quickly run out of called Indian Territory and what is the mountains, and legend says they now eastern Oklahoma, where Native

92 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST

Americans had been relocated by the secession among proud Yoopers U.S. government. Tribes had been for more than a century, so much granted sovereignty through a series so that the UP has gone through of treaties, but the political climate a few proposed names, including was changing, and in 1898 Congress Superior; Sylvania, meaning “pleas- passed the Curtis Act, which would ant woodsy area” (and reported to soon nullify their system of tribal gov- have been Thomas Jefferson’s idea); ernment. Leaders of the “Five Civi- and Ontonagon, after a village and lized Tribes” (the Cherokee, Choctaw, county in the region. The last time Creek, Chickasaw, and an independence mea- Seminoles) petitioned sure came up for public for their own state of Residents of vote, in the 1980s, the Sequoyah. But Congress Michigan’s succession effort fell refused. Instead, Presi- short of the majority of dent Theodore Roos- Upper Peninsula state legislators needed evelt decided that the have been to present the plan to Indian Territory should known to call Congress. become part of another new state, Oklahoma. their down- WESTSYLVANIA state neighbors Before the Revolution- SUPERIOR Trolls. ary War, a cluster of Michigan’s Upper Pen- land speculators tried insula, or UP, contains to form a colony called about a third of the state’s land and Vandalia, made up of modern West much of the lumber and mining re- Virginia, Western Pennsylvania, and sources, but only about 3 percent of Eastern Kentucky. The war doomed the population lives there, leaving its their plan, and in 1776, they tried to residents feeling underrepresented in re-form their adopted home as the the state government. The Yoopers, State of Westsylvania. But that effort as UP residents call themselves, have failed, too, as Congress ignored their been known to refer to downstate resi- petition. Frustrated, residents threat- dents Trolls because they live below ened to form their own new state any- the suspension bridge that connects way. But Pennsylvania, which then the two parts of state across the four- owned most of the area, passed a law mile-long Straits of Mackinac. declaring such agitation to be trea- The upstate/downstate rivalry sonous and punishable by execution, has sporadically prompted talk of quickly quashing the uprising.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 93 DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

SIX CAVING BUDDIES SET OFF FOR A DAY OF ADVENTURE. BY NIGHTFALL, ONLY FOUR OF THEM HAD EMERGED FROM THE DEEP.

94 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com Jason Storie peering through a tight passage in a cave called Cascade NO WAY OUT

HE RAIN COMES DOWN steady and hard. Jason Storie hears it but is not worried as he prepares for a day of caving Twith five friends in a remote spot 80 miles northwest of his home in Duncan, on Canada’s Vancouver Island.

He is dressed for the wet weather— a university drama graduate turned and for just about any other predica- entrepreneur, the owner of a window- ment: a T-shirt, then two sweatshirts, washing company. It was his friend a pair of overalls, neoprene socks, Andrew Munoz, 33, who introduced a water-resistant jacket, and rubber him to the sport. Unlike Jason, An- boots. Under his arm, he proudly car- drew is an expert caver—a former ries his new helmet and headlamp. caving guide, actually—and a wiry “Sleep in,” he whispers, bending paramedic who would know what to down to kiss his wife, Caroline Storie. do if something were to go wrong. “Be careful,” she says. Jason, Andrew, and two more “Always.” friends—Adam Shepherd, also a It’s 6 a.m. on December 5, 2015. paramedic, and Zac Zorisky, a chef A newcomer to the sport, Jason has and volunteer firefighter—drive gone caving only four times. This through the heavy rain to the parking will be his toughest outing yet: a cave lot of a log-cabin candy store in Port called Cascade. It’s dangerous enough Alberni, where they get the key to that the entry is blocked by a locked that metal door. There they meet up with Matt Watson and Ar- THE DRIP TURNS INTO A STEADY thur Taylor, both computer FLOW. SOON THEY ARE WADING programmers. UP TO THEIR SHINS. The six men drive up an unmarked trail for half a metal door to keep the casual spe- mile before parking in a clearing to take lunker out; the key can be obtained inventory: Ropes, harnesses, and cara- only after everyone in the caving party biners? Check. Two bags that contain signs a waiver. About a mile long and a small gas-fueled Jetboil stove, food, 338 feet deep, Cascade is full of turns water, and a first aid kit, and a Mylar and barely passable tight squeezes—a “space” blanket that resembles alumi- claustrophobe’s nightmare. num foil? Check, check, and check. Jason is the outlier among the They hike a bit before coming to the group, with the least experience and, door, which sits in the ground—you’d at 43, older by a decade or more. A miss it if you weren’t looking for it. stocky father of two toddlers, he is It’s 10 a.m. They pull the door open

96 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com Jason (far right) at Double Trouble on a later expedition

and climb 30 feet down a rickety alu- BOUT 45 minutes in, Adam minum ladder into the black, each of announces he can’t go any them anchored with carabiners to a farther; his back, injured a rope. The last one in locks the door Afew weeks earlier, is twing- behind him and ties the key to the ing. The constant hunching over has bottom of the ladder. It is damp and taken its toll. Matt escorts him to the chilly, about 41 degrees. With their entrance to let him out. He closes and way illuminated by headlamps, they locks it again, and then rejoins his walk down a narrow passage studded four waiting friends. with jagged boulders. The silence For the next 90 minutes, they are ex- is broken by a drip-drip-drip from plorers, taking their time as they crawl, above. Soon the drip turns into a light stride, and slide through the cave’s two but steady flow, and they are wading very different environments: either in water up to their ankles, then to pipelike passages barely big enough their shins. to fit a grown man or chambers that “Everyone OK?” Andrew, the de facto are like the nave of a church, big but leader of the group, calls out. not overwhelming. Wherever they go, “Yeah,” comes the reply. they try to stay within a hundred feet “Yup.” from the first person to the last, con-

PREVIOUS SPREAD AND THIS PAGE: ANDREW MUNOZ PREVIOUS SPREAD AND THIS PAGE: “Me too.” gregating in the chambers between the

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 97 INSIDE CASCADE With its narrow passages, flowing streams, and chambers studded with stalagmites and stalactites, Cascade is a caver’s dream. But for the novice spelunker, it can turn into a nightmare.

Entrance

50 feet Room

The cave’s entrance is an easily missed hole in the ground guarded by a locked metal door.

100 feet

The Tight Squeeze (20 feet long)

150 feet

Bastard’s Crawl

200 feet total, twists and turns Where Jason for another got stuck Andrew (in front) and quarter mile. Jason re-creating their Double 16-hour ordeal at the base Trouble 250 feet of Bastard’s Crawl READER’S DIGEST

more challenging crawls and climbs. and chicken stew with rice. After their Jason is in awe of his surroundings. 20-minute lunch, the five head out Andrew once told him, “There are again, sliding and crawling their way over a thousand caves and tunnels on down toward the cave’s end, less than Vancouver Island, and it’s never the a quarter mile away. But they get only same.” Cascade is like nothing he’s 300 feet when Zac begins shivering seen before. violently. Although the temperature Soon they approach one of the fea- hasn’t changed, the cold inside a cave tures that make the cave unique: a nar- can hit unexpectedly. The five decide row passage not big enough to stand up to turn back together. in that leads into a short, tight down- They start to retrace their route. hill. This has a name: Bastard’s Crawl. First Matt goes, then Arthur, then Ja- Four streams meet here, and indeed, son, Zac, and Andrew. The sound of the water is flowing more quickly. rushing water grows louder. There is “Crab-walk!” Andrew calls. more mud than there was on the way Once they emerge from Bastard’s Crawl, they IF HE DOESN'T MOVE FAST, THE approach the top of a SURGING WATER WILL POP HIM waterfall called Double OUT ONTO THE ROCKS BELOW. Trouble—so named because a jutting rock splits the stream down a few hours earlier, and it sticks in two. They set up their ropes to rap- heavily to their heels. Plus, they are pel 50 feet. Boots and gloved hands now climbing up, so it’s taking much claw for leverage on slippery ledges. longer to return than it did to come The water gushes on either side of the down. “Careful!” one of the cavers up rock formation, landing at the bottom front yells to those behind. in a spray of bubbles. There’s a reason As it nears 2:15 p.m., the cavers ap- this cave is called Cascade. proach Double Trouble. The sound of As Jason descends, his heart is beat- the water has turned into a roar. What ing so hard, it feels as if it will jump had before been a gushing but man- out of his chest. You wanted a harder ageable flow is now a churning, angry challenge, he thinks. You got it. white froth. How could this happen so quickly? Jason wonders. Is it runoff FEW MINUTES beyond from the rain? Double Trouble, they stop Matt hooks the rope that was left at- A for a quick bite. It’s just tached at the top of Double Trouble to before 1 p.m., and they’ve his harness and starts hauling himself been in the cave for three hours. An- up. The journey is not long, maybe

ILLUSTRATION BY JOSÉ DE LA ROSA. ANDREW MUNOZ JOSÉ DE LA ROSA. BY ILLUSTRATION drew fires up the Jetboil to make beef 50 feet, but it’s tough, precise work:

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 99 NO WAY OUT hoisting one leg to find a tiny, wet It feels like forever. Images of his family shelf in the rock wall; then a gloved flash before him, like a mental photo hand; then the other leg. Once he has album he tries to hold on to: Caro- climbed to the top, he throws the rope line, whom he has been married to down, and Arthur follows suit, then for 16 years and who had warned him Jason. At the top, Jason gets on his to be careful that morning; Jack, five, stomach to pull himself up the incline who loves airplanes; and three-year- of Bastard’s Crawl. The water, deeper old Poppy, his princess. than before, smashes into his face as Zac, having followed Jason up, is he powers through it. God, it’s cold! now atop Double Trouble. He shouts Finally emerging through the open- down to Andrew, “Jason’s in trouble!” ing and into the next tight passage, he Andrew clambers up behind Zac pauses, puzzled, because it splits into and goes to the bottom of the crawl. two. He can’t see the two cavers ahead “Head up, Jase,” he yells to his friend. He can barely see his friend’s JASON TRIES TO CALL FOR face through all the water. HELP, BUT INSTEAD HE GASPS Jason is only a couple of feet FRANTICALLY FOR AIR. away, but he’s in such a pre- carious position and in such of him and is nervous about waiting a tight space, Andrew can’t easily pull at the top because there is really only him out. “Keep on coming, dude. To- room in this spot for one person at a ward me! Head up!” Jason is flailing. time. I’ll just go back down and ask, “Place your feet against me! Lift your he decides. butt up and float. C’mon, Jase!” He carefully crab-walks about 15 feet Jason’s gloved hands emerge from when the streaming water suddenly the water, then his wet face. He is sweeps him onto his back, submerg- gulping air as if he has hiccups. “My ing him. He feels the pressure of more leg’s caught.” Jason doesn’t recognize water building up behind him. If he his own voice because it comes out so doesn’t get out of the crawl fast, the slurred and slow, as if he’d suffered a merciless surge of water will pop him stroke. He tries to dislodge his boot. It out like a champagne cork, over Dou- won’t budge. ble Trouble and onto the rocks below. “It’s OK, dude,” Andrew says, reach- But he can’t move—his boot is stuck ing into the rushing water and fishing between two rock shelves. around for the stuck boot. He grasps Lying on his back with the water something solid. “Is this it?” rushing over him, he tries to call for “Yeah.” help, but instead he gasps frantically “Well, we got ourselves in a jam. for air. It has been about five minutes. OK, we’ll do this together.”

100 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com Five of the cavers enjoying being aboveground for a change

Twenty minutes after getting stuck, Jason is turning hypothermic, so cold Jason emerges from Bastard’s Crawl that he has stopped shivering. He like a baby being birthed, wet through, wraps his friend in the Mylar blanket eyes shut tight, and gasping. Andrew and fires up the Jetboil. He warms settles him on a narrow ledge inches Jason by pouring hot water down his above the water. Jason, his eyes now clothes. As he does so, Jason’s color wide-open and looking bewildered, starts returning to normal. knows he had a close escape. “Welcome back, buddy. Do you feel “You’re OK,” Andrew says, grasping ready to get out of here?” his shoulders. “Zac, stay with Jason With an hour hike to the entrance, while I get the supply bags up ahead.” they start to climb, inundated by wa- It takes him about 15 minutes. On ter. They’re fighting it—or it’s fighting his return, Andrew tells Zac the wa- them, crushing them, pushing them ter is still rising, so he should join back. When they finally near the top Matt and Arthur just beyond Bastard’s of the crawl, there are barely four Crawl. “I have to get Jason warmed up inches of air left between the water before we try to get out,” he says. “If we and the ceiling, not enough for them don’t catch up to you in 30 minutes, to keep their heads up to breathe. notify Search and Rescue.” “It’s too high!” Andrew calls. “Turn

ROB CAMPBELL Unspoken is Andrew’s fear that back!”

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 101 Andrew (left) and Jason continue to explore Vancouver Island’s caves together.

Jason spots a ledge; although the ONSERVING THE batteries wall is at an awkward 45-degree an- in their headlamps, they sit gle, there is room enough for the two mostly in the dark, which of them. Andrew perches in front of Cmakes them forget what Jason to take the brunt of the spray a tight space they are in. from the water, his legs uncomfortably Jason draws on his theatrical train- braced against a ledge on the other ing, forcing his breathing to slow side of the waterfall. down and move through his dia- The water keeps rising, almost to phragm and up to the tip of his skull. the ledge, and its sheer force and fury Trying to warm his face, he pulls his cause a wind to come up. Both men sweatshirt up over his nose. He thinks know that caves have their own micro- about his family and wonders how climates, and with nowhere to go, the much life insurance coverage he has. wind whistles and keens. It is 6 p.m. Andrew silently recites a mantra They are about 200 feet underground based on a passage from the science at this point. Zac left them three hours fiction novel Dune: Fear is the mind ago. They huddle together under a killer. Fear is the little black death that blanket. The Jetboil is out of fuel. brings total oblivion. I will let the fear “If we don’t get out of here, our pass through me, and when the fear is

wives will kill us!” Jason says drily. gone, only I will remain. ROB CAMPBELL

102 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST

There is no sign of rescuers. Did the An hour later, the water level has other three even make it out? Maybe gone down enough that they can they’re lying on the other side of keep their heads above water and try Bastard’s Crawl, blocked by water and an escape. Stiff from sitting in one injured. Or dead. position for 12 hours, they slowly What the two men don’t know is unfold their bodies. Jason screams that their friends did make it out. They in pain. A muscle in his groin is called for help, and at around 9 p.m., strained, but he is determined not to members of the Ground and Cave let it stop him. Search and Rescue squads arrived on Getting on all fours and through the scene and entered the cave. But Bastard’s Crawl, nothing else mat- the water level, as well as its ferocity, ters but that. Still, each time Jason forced them to retreat. They would moves a leg, he cries out. “You can have to try again later. do this,” Andrew exhorts. Then they are through. HE HOURS PASS. Jason and Over the next 90 minutes, they Andrew don’t dare to move make their way toward the entrance, for fear of slipping. They at times in chest-high water. Now, in a Tdoze off, then jerk them- passage that is high enough for them selves awake, and they check in with to walk upright, Jason sees something each other every 20 minutes or so. flicker in the distance. “You still with me?” Andrew asks. “Lights! I see lights!” Jason plows “Yup. You still good?” ahead. Soon they hear voices. “Yup.” “Hey,” they call out. “We’re here!” Every once in a while, one of them “Andrew? Jason?” It’s one of the turns on his headlamp to scan the rescuers. water level. Around 5 a.m., it seems For the first time since entering the to be receding. cave, over 20 hours earlier, Jason’s “Let’s wait for a bit and see,” Andrew emotions get to him and tears trickle says. down his cheeks. “We made it.”

WHY NOMENCLATURE ISN’T THE STUDY OF GNOMES

Mineralogy? Study of minerals. Oceanology? Study of oceans. Meteorology? NOT ABOUT METEORS.

@ADAMOFEARTH

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 103 NATURE

Where on earth is my father shooting video of these mysterious critters? Amazingly, they’re from ... My Neighborhood Wild

BY RYAN BRADLEY FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE

ILLUSTRATION BY BEN GILES

104 | 07/08•2018

MY NEIGHBORHOOD GONE WILD

AST YEAR, I RECEIVED glow. Then it slouches off, away from an e-mail from my dad, the camera and into the darkness. under a mildly worrisome Watching it again, I noticed that the L subject line: “Mystery crit- driveway looked oddly familiar. It was ter???” There was no body my childhood home. text, but attached was a ten-second There were soon more e-mails video clip, shot in the eerie grays of with more videos attached. The infrared night vision. It showed a furry next had a fox—or the back half of a creature, about the size of a Pomera- fox—making a rapid exit offscreen. nian, charging away from the camera The one after that showed a possum and down a driveway. plodding into and through some Midway through the video, the hedges. By the time my dad moved animal stops abruptly, turns slightly, the cameras to the backyard, he had and stares back—if not directly at the captured another possum, or maybe camera, near enough that its retinas the same possum, plus more foxes, a catch the light and, for a moment, rabbit, and a pair of coyotes. He had

Growth rate of homes in the WUI from < 0 1990 to 2010 0-25 0 150 300 by county 25-75

(in percent) FOREST MOCKRIN/USDA MIRANDA COURTESY & DAVID RADELOFF SERVICE/VOLKER LAB, UW-MADISON HELMERS/SILVIS

106 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST also solved the case of they pined. For the past the mystery critter. It 30 years, my parents’ was a raccoon rendered By the time primary hobby has been unrecognizable by the my dad moved exploring and settling loss of its tail. the cameras, he their backyard, weeding My parents live in the had captured and gardening it aggres- foothills of Santa Bar- sively and making note bara, California, and a possum, foxes, of all the paw prints and for years they had been a rabbit, and a scratch marks they en- talking about wanting pair of coyotes. countered as they did to set up some cam- so. When I was grow- era traps, just to see ing up, this was where I what sorts of animals were prowling built forts and caught lizards, dug up around the house. But my dad had al- anthills and found skulls, bleached ways thought the cameras were a little and buried, of long-dead rodents (and too expensive and complicated. Still, once, a pet cat).

Nature is obviously a in the WUI is almost cer- impact of the WUI, take a beautiful neighbor, as tainly wildfires and the look at the points below: the increasing number of possibility that humans QLas Vegas had a Americans moving closer there accidentally start 500 percent growth to the great outdoors one; forest or brush fires in WUI over the past can attest. But it’s also a are obviously more likely 20 years, the most of any tricky neighbor. The to threaten lives when major metropolitan area. wildland-urban interface there are homes nearby. QIn Connecticut, 60 per- (WUI) is the technical But fires aren’t the only cent of land is in the WUI. term for areas where WUI complication, as QAt least 2,000 coyotes homes are intertwined anyone who has cleaned live in and around Chi- with undeveloped wild- up the garbage after a cago, including a large land vegetation. As of raccoon visit or worried pack in a residential area 2010, after 20 years about Lyme disease can near O’Hare International. during which 13 million tell you. For the record, QThere were more homes joined the WUI, the most dangerous wild alligators removed from 99 million people quali- animal in America is now Orlando (235) than from fied as WUIers. That’s the deer. Deer cause any other Florida city in one third of Americans. approximately 1.5 million 2016. The average size of As you can see from the car accidents every year, the gators: 6.7 feet. map to the left, there is according to the Insur- QTexas has the most WUI in every state—even ance Institute for Highway fatal car crashes involving in some very big cities. Safety. But that’s just one wildlife: 187 in the past The big side effect of life statistic. For a sense of the ten years.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 107 MY NEIGHBORHOOD GONE WILD

This sort of terrain, between the set- barren patch of hill where he had no- tled and the unsettled land, is known ticed a particular pile of scat, which as the wildland-urban interface, or always appeared in the same spot. WUI. Each decade, the interface is After leaving the cameras on only one carefully mapped by the Forest Ser- night, he checked. Most of the time, vice as part of its fire-safety precau- they misfire, capturing more mun- tions. The last effort was in 2010, and dane but still ghostly movement— it found that almost one in three peo- usually branches bobbing in a silent ple in the United States lived in the wind. But this first night, right in WUI and that it was the front of a bench where fastest-growing residen- he’d attached one cam- tial region in the coun- era, a fox arrived. It try. Covering 10 percent In 2010, almost trotted precisely to the of the map, the WUI runs one in three center of the sight line through the fringes of Americans and squatted, briefly, in suburbs and exurbs and lived within the exact scat spot. “Can in the gaps they never you believe it?” he said, quite fill, but it also the wildland- queuing up the video to creeps into our metrop- urban play for me again. olises. In Los Angeles, interface. I could not, yet there it where I live, I can see it was, plain to see. For me, from my apartment in the pleasure in watch- two different spots: right in the mid- ing these videos was that they would dle of the city where the Santa Monica never be entirely believable, that Mountains run, and again to the east the images would always appear to along the San Gabriels. be on the brink of the imaginary. Rather than making the world more BOUT A YEAR AGO, an ac- knowable, they seem to make it Aquaintance recommended more extraordinary, filled with more that my dad get the Bushnell life and movement than seems possi- Trophy Cam. With eight AA batteries ble in the dead of night. They’ve taken and a memory card, the camera— the familiar—a backyard I know better within a third of a second of detecting than any other—and turned it into a motion—could power on, capture up place crawling with mystery. It serves to a minute of footage, and store it. It as a reminder: In the WUI, the land is cost around $150. My dad bought two. still part wild. Wilder than we might He first pointed them toward a care to admit.

108 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com Laugh Lines SUNDAE FUNDAE

This hot fudge I can’t turn water into wine, but I sundae hasn’t killed can turn ice cream into breakfast. me, so it must be @LOUISPEITZMAN

BRUCE PETERSON/OFFSET

FIRST PERSON Now ... While There’s Time A father learns to embrace the chaos of his daughter’s toddler years

BY ED BARTLEY A READER’S DIGEST CLASSIC

“MISSY,” I CALLED to my wife, “did I abandoned the conversation. you smear Vaseline on my desk?” I would deal with Meghan, our “No, honey. Meghan probably did.” 22-month-old daughter, later. Just like that. Calm. As I’d feared, All of that was yesterday. Today I sit she had missed the carefully honed, here at that same rolltop desk, which double-edged irony of the question. I salvaged from a friend’s attic two I knew she hadn’t put it there. The years ago, and stare at the blank sheet question was rhetorical; its only func- inserted in the typewriter. I wait pa- tion was to make clear to her that she tiently for ideas to come to me, exam hadn’t done her job: defend my desk questions on Herman Melville for a

ISTOCK (2) ISTOCK against the aggressor. test I will give my English students

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 111 NOW … WHILE THERE’S TIME tomorrow. My wife is off to a reunion About a week ago, my wife put somewhere, but I am not alone. Dumpty in the washing machine, hop- Our two children keep me company. ing at least to make him recognizable. Ten-month-old Edward cooperates to We were not ready for the emaciated some degree; he spends most of his day creature that emerged. Dumpty had poring over a seemingly endless array been disemboweled during the rinse of cards, tags, and other assorted pieces cycle. My wife spent 20 minutes pick- of paper, plus a Sears, Roebuck catalog ing his foam rubber intestines out of that he tears apart page by page. Oc- the machine. We thought Meghan casionally he leans out and flails madly might discard this mere shell of a at the piano, which he can just reach. Dumpty. We were wrong. There was But it is Meghan whose plans have no detectable difference in her re- been destined from all eternity to lationship with him, except that she clash with mine today. found him easier to carry while per- She follows a daily routine that is forming her chores. both time-consuming and challenging. It includes certain basic tasks: CAN DO MY OWN work fairly well watching the “grop.” (That would be during most of these chores, and the fish.) Sweeping the rug in her room Iso I concentrate on Melville. and her crib. (Yes, Meghan sweeps her (“Discuss the similarity of the crib.) Sitting for a few minutes on the alienation theme in Bartleby the Scriv- bottom shelf of the bookcase to deter- ener and Kafka’s Metamorphosis.” ) B u t mine whether she still fits there. (She I am soon sidetracked. Unfortunately, fit yesterday, and the prospects look I had not counted on the arrival of the good for tomorrow.) Checking peri- “bib-bibs.” (“Bib-bibs” are birds.) odically on Edward. Climbing in and “Bib-bibs, bib-bibs!” shrieks out of the stroller for practice. Testing Meghan, her eyes alive with expecta- the sofa springs. tion. She insists that I go with her to Her constant companion through the window. all of this is Dumpty, a shapeless rag “In a second. Just let me finish this doll whose best days are far behind question. Have you read Kafka’s Meta- him. A year ago, he was well stuffed morphosis, Meghan? You haven’t? and bursting with good cheer. His You’d really enjoy it.” perpetual smile endeared him to The sarcasm leaves no mark, and Meghan immediately. She provides she pulls me by the hand (two fingers, his transportation; he provides her actually) toward the window. I see my- security. The filthier he grows, the self as a slow-wit in some novel, be- more she seems to rely on his wisdom ing led oaflike to watch the bib-bibs. and homespun philosophy. And we do watch them. They chatter

112 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com READER’S DIGEST incessantly and leap back and forth on know the pattern. First the shoes and the lawn just outside our apartment socks. Then the stroller. And pretty window. Meghan is absorbed, but soon we’re in the park. She’ll want as I watch them, I wonder whether I me to pick her a dandelion or a leaf parked the car under a tree last night. from a tree. And she’ll clutch that leaf Suddenly she bolts from the room or dandelion the way she always does (she seldom walks), and I hear her na- when we walk to the park. Oh, yes, I ked feet slapping against the wooden know the pattern. floor outside. She re- She rests her head on turns with Dumpty. my leg, just as she did She holds him up to I see her when she first learned the window, stretching to walk. She used to him out by his two pa- standing bring her plastic comb thetic, triangular arms quietly near or her hairbrush and and whispering into the sofa, tears rest her head on my his nonexistent ear, leg while I combed her “Bib-bibs, Hindy, bib- running down hair. That ritual, how- bibs!” Dumpty smiles. her cheeks. ever, ended after only a It’s a much wider smile few months—much too than it used to be. soon for me. I leave them in conversation and Finally she leaves, and I watch her return to my desk. Within five minutes frustration as she sits on the floor and she appears before me, wearing her tries for several minutes to put on mother’s shoes. She reaches up to the one of her socks. The art proves too typewriter keys and depresses four of elusive. In years to come, she’ll put them simultaneously. on stockings or leotards with the ease “No, thank you, Meghan. Daddy’s and grace of a ballerina. But today, a seen your work. He’ll do it himself.” tiny pair of socks defeats her. She backs off. Out of the corner of She sees me looking! Back to work. my eye, I can see her in the kitchen (“What is the significance of the motto watching the grop swim around in his carved on the bow of Benito Cereno’s circular world. I can see that the water ship?”) in his bowl needs to be changed. She pats the wicker chair, the com- Back to the test. Determined. (“Dis- fortable one we sit in together to cuss illusion and reality in Benito watch TV or to read, and she hastily Cereno.” ) gathers her books: The Poky Little “Don’t even ask, Meghan. Not to- Puppy, The Magic Bus, The Cat in the day.” She stands in front of me with Hat, even that ancient copy of Na- her shoes and socks in her hands. I tional Geographic with the penguin

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 113 NOW … WHILE THERE’S TIME on the cover … Good Lord, she’s got Dumpty will vanish from the life them all. With her free hand, she tugs of a little girl who has outgrown him. at my sleeve. I resent Dumpty for an instant. He’s “No, Meghan,” I snap irritably. “Not consoling my girl, and that is my job. now. Go away and leave me alone. She and I have few enough days like And take your library with you.” this to share. So the paper slips gently into the top drawer; the hood slides HAT DOES IT; she leaves. She over the typewriter. The test will get makes no fur- done somehow. Tests Tther attempt always get done. to bother me. I Suddenly, I see “Meghan, I feel like can finish the test easily taking a walk down to now without interfer- things as the park. I was wonder- ence. No one trying to God must—in ing if you and Edward climb onto my lap; no perspective, would care to join me. extra fingers helping I thought you might me type. with all the like to go on the swings I see her standing pieces fitting. for a while. Bring quietly with her back Dumpty—and your red against the sofa, tears sweater too. It might be running down her cheeks. She has two windy down there.” fingers of her right hand in her mouth. At the word park, the fingers leave She holds the tragic Dumpty in her the mouth. She laughs excitedly and left. She watches me type and slowly begins the frantic search for her socks. brushes the tip of Dumpty’s anemic Melville will have to wait, but he arm across her nose for comfort. won’t mind. He waited most of his life At this moment, only for a moment, for someone to discover the miracle of I see things as God must—in perspec- Moby-Dick—and died 30 years before tive, with all the pieces fitting. I see a anyone did. No, he won’t mind. little girl cry because I haven’t time Besides, he’d understand why I for her. Imagine ever being that im- must go right now—while bib-bibs portant to another human being! I see still spark wonder and before dande- the day when it won’t mean so much lions become weeds and while a little to a tiny soul to have me sit next to her girl thinks that a leaf from her father is and read a story, one that means little a gift beyond measure. to either of us, realizing somehow that it is the sitting next to each other This story originally appeared in the December 1969 issue of Reader’s Digest. that means everything. And I see the It was the winner of the Reader’s Digest day when the frail, loyal, and lovable First Person award.

114 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com New Special Offer! “TV•Ears saved our marriage!”TM

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13 Things You Didn’t Know About Thunderstorms

BY MICHELLE CROUCH

Lightning strikes more than eight Is it a hurricane or a typhoon? 1 million times a day worldwide. 4 They’re actually the same type of That’s about 93 times per second. event. What we call a hurricane in the United States is a typhoon if it How hot is a lightning bolt? forms in the northwestern Pacific. 2 About 50,000°F—five times hotter Meteorologists also use the general than the surface of the sun. term tropical cyclone.

Yes, it really can rain frogs, fish, It is a bad idea to take a shower 3 and other decidedly odd things. 5 during a thunderstorm. If light- It’s a rare meteorological event, but ning hits your house, it can travel scientists say strong winds from a through your plumbing and shock tornado or from a storm can be anyone who comes into contact powerful enough to propel animals with water flowing through it. and objects high into the air, and People have been shocked or killed they have to come down eventually. while bathing, washing dishes, and A small Australian town reported doing laundry. (This is also why hundreds of fish falling from the sky indoor pools often close during in 2010. storms.)

116 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com Rubber tires are not what protect You can be struck by lightning 6 you from lightning when you’re 8 even when it’s not raining. About in your car. You’re protected because 10 percent of lightning strikes take when lightning hits a car, it travels place when there’s no precipitation. around the outside of the metal structure to get to the ground. Just be In the 1980s, NASA flew one careful not to touch any metal areas 9 airplane through 1,496 thunder- on the interior. storms. It was struck by lightning more than 700 times. This was part By one measure, Tropical Storm of an effort to improve lightning- 7 Claudette was the wettest storm protection standards in aviation, in U.S. history. It dumped 43 inches and it worked. Today, a commercial of rain in 24 hours—the most rain airplane will be hit by lightning ever recorded in one day—on Alvin, about once a year on average, typi-

CLANE GESSEL Texas, in July 1979. cally with no ill effects. It has been

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 117 13 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THUNDERSTORMS decades since a U.S. airliner has promoted this idea long ago, before crashed as a result of a lightning they realized that taping does noth- strike. ing to strengthen windows and may even increase the potential for harm. Every day, twice a day, (Picture giant taped-together shards 10 weather trackers simultane- of glass flying at you.) Covering your ously launch giant balloons from windows with storm shutters or ply- almost 900 locations worldwide wood is the only way to prevent them (including 92 released by the from breaking. National Weather Service in the United States and its territories). And nothing is going to The balloons measure aboveground 13 save you if you get caught in weather data such as temperature, the hailstorm from you-know- humidity, and wind speed, and where. Ice particles form when wa- they provide vital information that ter droplets reach cold temperatures meteorologists use to make forecasts in a thunderstorm, but they achieve and predict storms. a measurable size only when a storm’s updraft is strong enough to Lightning can strike the same hold the ice aloft as more water 11 place twice—and it often droplets freeze onto the initial crys- does, especially objects that are tall, tal. The largest hailstone ever re- pointy, and isolated. The Empire corded in the United States was State Building, for example, is hit found in July 2010 in Vivian, South almost 100 times a year, according to Dakota. It was almost 19 inches the CDC. around and weighed almost two pounds. Ouch. Covering your windows with Sources: Ron Holle, an expert on lightning data; the National 12 tape will not protect them Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration; and Warren Faidley, an extreme-weather photographer, a survival expert, from wind or flying objects. Experts and a tactical EMT

THE MOST POPULAR SONG IN AMERICA

Since Billboard magazine ﬁrst published its “Hot 100” chart in 1958, 16 different songs titled “Hold On” have made the list (most recently in 2013, courtesy of the Alabama Shakes). In that sense, “Hold On” is the most popular song in American music history.

Source: billboard.com

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Receive a free American Standard Cadet toilet with full installation of a Liberation Walk-In Bath, Liberation Shower, or Deluxe Shower. Of er valid only while supplies last. Limit one per household. Must be i rst time purchaser. See www.AmericanStandardBathtubs.com for other restrictions and for licensing, warranty, and company information. Warranty subject to terms and conditions. *Subject to 3rd party credit approval. Minimum monthly payments required. CSLB B982796; Suf olk NY:55431H; NYC:HIC#2022748-DCA. Safety Tubs Co. LLC does not sell in Nassau NY, Westchester NY, Putnam NY, Rockland NY. WHO KNEW?

Heteropoda davidbowie (left) is a yellow arachnid that just might be Clever scientists are mistaken for a spider from Mars. naming new species after some very unlikely pop-culture icons Meet David Bowie, BY JACOB DUBÉ The Spider FROM MOTHERBOARD.VICE.COM

FOR YEARS, people have been Scientists, too, are constantly nam- naming their pets—and their kids, ing newly discovered species in some cases—after pop icons they after celebs. But these names might love. In 2016, 370 people in the carry a little bit more weight: While a United States named their baby girls baby named Khaleesi can get older Khaleesi in honor of a Game of and decide to legally change her

Thrones character. name, scientific names go down in ILPO MUSTO/SHUTTERSTOCK INGI AGNARSSON. COURTESY FROM LEFT:

120 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com the history books. Agra schwarzeneggeri is a beetle with There’s the Agra bulging legs that look schwarzeneggeri like buff biceps. beetle, named after Arnold Schwarzenegger’s biceps; or another scientist; it’s the Aleiodes shakirae wasp, frowned upon to name it named after Shakira’s hip after themselves. Agnars- and belly dance move- son’s team called one spider ments; and the list goes on. Spintharus skelly, after a re- Turns out, there is a searcher’s cat, Skelly. The method to this seemingly only real problem, he said, mad nomenclature. Some- would be if a scientist was times having a recog- going to receive any sort nizable name attached of potential benefit, such to what might otherwise as if a megastore paid a be an unremarkable lit- Identifying a lab to christen a species tle creature is the only species with walmarti. (Even when way for the species to the names don’t have get widespread atten- a recognizable traditional Latin transla- tion. The latest case in person is a way tions, Latin-ifying names point: In September for species is a common 2017, researchers an- to raise practice in science. Gen- nounced the discovery awareness. erally, just add an i if it’s of 15 new species of spi- a masculine name and ders in the Caribbean. an ae if it’s feminine.) They named three of them after Agnarsson, along with four students Leonardo DiCaprio, David Bowie, who participated in the research, and Michelle Obama. named spiders after prominent advo- Spider expert Ingi Agnarsson is an cates for animal conservation and ac- associate professor of biology at the tion on climate change. University of Vermont and was the Among the spiders Agnarsson lead researcher of the Caribbean named are Spintharus davidbowiei study, published in Zoological Journal (not the first creature named after of the Linnean Society. He says scien- Bowie), S. davidattenboroughi tists who discover a new species can (not even close to the first creature basically call it whatever they want, to be named after David Attenbor- as long as they use the correct genus ough), and S. leonardodicaprioi name. For example, some scientists (Spintharus being the spiders’

COURTESY KAROLYN DARROW/© NATIONAL MUSEUM OF NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM OF NATIONAL NATIONAL DARROW/© KAROLYN COURTESY name a new species after a loved one genus).

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 121 WHO KNEW?

Agnarsson says some species are make them a bit more relatable. named this way because scientists “We’re always trying to find ways have trouble getting the public inter- of calling attention to major issues in ested in their studies. Identifying conservation,” Agnarsson says. “This them with a recognizable person is way, the general public will hear a way to raise awareness and provide about it.” Some real (but obscure) an opportunity to learn about the is- Latin words won’t get many head- sues surrounding nature and con- lines, but the Neopalpa donald- servation. It also allows scientists trumpi moth and the Spintharus to highlight some humanlike traits berniesandersi spider managed to get in these animals and ultimately people talking.

CAN YOU MATCH THE DISCOVERY TO ITS CELEBRITY?

DISCOVERY SPECIES NAME 1. Bunny from the Florida Keys A. Scaptia (Plinthina) beyonceae 2. Bright orange mushroom that (Beyoncé) can soak up and wring out water B. Agathidium vaderi 3. Hippo-like prehistoric animal (Darth Vader) with massive lips C. Spongiforma squarepantsii

chaplini its head

legged when it dies 8. Slime-mold beetle

9. Shrimp with I. Kootenichela deppi bright pink-red (Johnny Depp) claws

BRYAN LESSARD/COURTESY CSIRO LESSARD/COURTESY BRYAN Answers: 1-F; 2-C; 3-H; 4-G; 5-A; 6-I; 7-D; 8-B; 9-E 8-B; 7-D; 6-I; 5-A; 4-G; 3-H; 2-C; 1-F; Answers:

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Before you splash in a pool, bask on a beach, or putter in your garden, master this list of summertime words. You won’t find a lemonade stand on the next page, but you will find answers.

BY EMILY COX & HENRY RATHVON

1. torrid ('tohr-ihd) adj.—A: bloom- B: outdoors. C: in a fresh state. ing. B: scorching. C: perspiring. 10. hibachi (hih-'bah-chee) n.— 2. deluge ('dehl-yooj) n.— A: raincoat. B: charcoal griller. A: heavy downpour. B: squirt gun. C: Asian eggplant. C: greenhouse. 11. pergola ('per-guh-luh) n.— 3. verdant ('vurh-dint) adj.— A: umbrella. B: trellis. C: paid A: sandy. B: green. C: buggy. vacation. 4. tack (tak) v.—A: hook a fish. 12. glamping ('glam-ping) n.— B: upend a raft. C: change direction A: cave exploring. B: glamorous when sailing. camping. C: sunbathing. 5. pyrotechnics (py-ruh-'tek-niks) 13. plage (plahzh) n.— n.—A: sunspots. B: fireworks. A: lawn tennis. B: lightning strike. C: heat waves. C: beach at a resort. 6. chigger ('chih-ger) n.— 14. espadrilles ('eh-spuh-drillz) A: fastball. B: biting mite. n.—A: rope-soled shoes. B: hedge C: beer garden. pruners. C: pair of matching beach chairs. 7. estivate ('eh-stuh-vayt) v.— A: lounge outdoors. B: nurture until 15. horticulture ('hohr-tih-kul- grown. C: spend the summer. cher) n.—A: seaside community. B: pond wildlife. C: science of 8. pattypan ('pa-tee-pan) n.— growing plants. A: playground. B: heat rash. C: summer squash. To play an interactive version of 9. alfresco (al-'freh-skoh) Word Power on your iPad, download the adv.—A: with cheese sauce. Reader’s Digest app.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 125 WORD POWER Answers

1. torrid—[B] scorching. This has 9. alfresco—[B] outdoors. “Whose been the most torrid August I can idea was it to dine alfresco?” Ira grum- remember! bled, flicking an ant off his sandwich. 2. deluge—[A] heavy downpour. 10. hibachi—[B] charcoal griller. Tatiana threw on her black slicker Come on over—I’m going to throw and headed out into the deluge. some burgers on the hibachi tonight. 3. verdant—[B] green. Vermont is 11. pergola—[B] trellis. Legend has it famous for its verdant mountain that couples who kiss under this per- ranges. gola will live happily ever after. 4. tack—[C] change direction when 12. glamping—[B] glamorous sailing. The catamaran had to tack camping. Hayden goes glamping quickly to avoid the floating debris. with every amenity, then tells everyone he “roughed it.” 5. pyrotechnics—[B] fireworks. Every Fourth of July, my neighbors 13. plage—[C] beach at a resort. set off pyrotechnics in their yard I never hit the plage until I’m com- until three a.m. pletely slathered in sunscreen. 6. chigger—[B] biting mite. 14. espadrilles—[A] rope-soled Miranda doused herself in bug shoes. Melissa used to live in flip- spray before her flops every sum- hike to ward off mer, but now she chiggers. THE IDIOMS OF SUMMER prefers espadrilles. When it comes to coining 7. estivate—[C] notable phrases, baseball is 15. horticulture— spend the summer. in a league of its own. If you [C] science of After hockey think that claim is off base, growing plants. season ends, the we’ll list the evidence right The coveted Myers family off the bat. Consider in the Horticulture Award ballpark, throw a curveball, is a statuette of a estivates by the pinch-hit, and every shop- ocean. per’s favorite: rain check. green thumb. Still think we haven’t cov- 8. pattypan—[C] ered our bases? Then step VOCABULARY summer squash. up to the plate and name Has that pesky rab- RATINGS another sport that has hit 9 & below: warm bit been nibbling more syntactical home runs. 10–12: hot my pattypan again? 13–15: blazing

126 | 07/08•2018 | rd.com “Watkins, you remember I said be prepared for the unexpected.”

MY GRANDDAUGHTER’S husband realized that he had forgotten some- was complaining about how spell- thing, we went back inside. With that, check changes the meaning of the sprinklers started again. “There e-mails when an Air Force officer told must be a motion sensor controlling him this story: He’d sent a message the spray,” we said, and decided to to 300 of his personnel addressed to test it by walking in and out the front “Dear Sirs and Ma’ams.” It was re- door. After several laps, I began look- ceived as “Dear Sirs and Mamas.” ing around for the sensor. By the side PHYLLIS HOWARD, Lincoln, Missouri of the building, instead of a sensor, I saw a very confused gardener, his AS MY SUPERVISOR and I left the hand on a water faucet. Source: gcfl.net headquarters building, the lawn sprinklers, which had been showering Your military anecdote might be worth

WILF SCOTT/CARTOONSTOCK.COM the walkway, stopped. After he $$$! For details, go to rd.com/submit.

rd.com | 07/08•2018 | 127 Quotable Quotes

You can make waves MAKE A BUCKET LIST; or be a wave rider. DO EVERYTHING ON You can never do both THAT BUCKET LIST; MAKE at the same time. ANOTHER BUCKET LIST. MARK MOTONAGA, designer KATE HUDSON, actor

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose. BILL GATES, business leader

WHEN I SAY “MY If you have three HUSBAND,” I FEEL people in your life LIKE I’M DOING that you can trust, you can consider THE IMPRESSION yourself the OF A MARRIED luckiest person in PERSON. the whole world. JAMIE LEE, comedian SELENA GOMEZ, singer

MAN’S MOST VALUABLE TRAIT IS A JUDICIOUS SENSE OF WHAT NOT TO BELIEVE. EURIPIDES, playwright

Reader’s Digest (ISSN 0034-0375) (USPS 865-820), (CPM Agreement# 40031457), Vol. 192, No. 1142, July/August 2018. © 2018. Published monthly, except bimonthly in July/August and December/January (subject to change without notice), by Trusted Media Brands, Inc., 44 South Broadway, White Plains, New York 10601. Periodicals postage paid at White Plains, New York, and at additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595. Send undeliverable Canadian addresses to [email protected]. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, in any manner, is prohibited. Reader’s Digest and The Digest are registered trademarks of Trusted Media Brands, Inc. Marca Registrada. Printed in U.S.A. SUBSCRIBERS: You may cancel your subscription at any time and receive a refund for copies not previously addressed. Your subscription will expire with the issue identified above your name on the address label. If the Post Office alerts us that your magazine is undeliverable, we have no further obligation unless we receive a corrected address within one year. A special Reader’s Digest Large Print with selected articles from Reader’s Digest is published by Trusted Media Brands, Inc. For details, write: Reader’s Digest Large Print, PO Box 6097, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1597. CONSUMER INFORMATION: Reader’s Digest may share information about you with third parties for the purpose of offering products and services that may interest you. If you would rather not receive such offers via postal mail, please write to Reader’s Digest Customer Mailing List, PO Box 3123, Harlan, Iowa 51593-0189. You can also visit www.tmbi.com/preference-center to manage your

preferences and opt out of receiving such offers via e-mail. Please see our Privacy Policy at www.tmbi.com/privacy-policy. ALL SHUTTERSTOCK PRANDONI/BFA. BARON. ISOPIX. MATTEO MATT FROM TOP:

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Outpatient procedures Spinal stenosis Pinched nerve Up and walking within hours of surgery§ Sciatica Scoliosis Specialized board-certiﬁ ed surgeons + Bulging/herniated 25 other chronic disc spine conditions Patient satisfaction score of 96^

Get your no-cost MRI review.* Call 1-877-891-5363 or visit LaserSpineInstitute.com.

§Each patient is different. Results may vary. +For more information, visit LaserSpineInstitute.com/surgeons. ^For more information, visit LaserSpineInstitute.com/results. *Not a diagnosis. See LaserSpineInstitute.com/MRIreview for more details. Medicaid currently not accepted. © 2018 Laser Spine Institute, LLC 5456-112917-AM Healthier Brain. Better Life.

Prevagen® is America’s best-selling brain support supplement ‡ and has been clinically shown to help with mild memory problems associated with aging.*

‡According to Nielsen data.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.