USG Candidates Meet in Debate

Home , Who Said I Would

1 uncli with Russian Sailors Centerfold 1HI USG Candidates Meet In Debate by Tom DiLenge proposed that the USG vice president should The executive officers of the Progress and serve on the advisory committee to the Board Comitment parties met face to face Tuesday of Trustees to "bridge the gap" between during ihe United Student Government an- students and the administration. The Progress nual pre-election candidate debate. platform also wants an ex-officio student The debate, held in Keating focused representative to the Board of Trustees. heavily on the quality of student represen- According to Mahoney, the key to an ef- tation and the amount and effectiveness of fective working relationship is to approach the student government within the administration administration well prepared and maturely. and the University as a whole. "I think the most important thing is to In his opening speech, Commitment party work on a professional level," said Mahoney. candidate for USG President Shaun New Issues Mahoney, CBA '86, described his party as a Another issue on the Progress Party's "strong organization" composed of "fresh platform is the partial investment of the blood and experience" that would work Student Activity Fee into the new Student toward "the betterment of the Fordham Credit Union so that SAC can earn interest on community." the activity money and be able to increase "Our overall aim is to enhance life at semesterly club allocations. Fordham and to reach beyond Fordham's "Student money is not in student hands. gates," said Mahoney. We are not getting interest but the ad- In his opening statement, Neil Whitford, ministration is," said Tom Hanusik. FC '86, FC '86, the Progress party candidate for USG president, condemned elected officials who act as "administration employees" rather than representatives of the student body. "We should compromise only on strategy Meet the candidates not on our principles," said Whitford. Whitford also stated his party's concern and their platforms. for change and progress for student facilities Page 3 and student rights, including the extension of library and Ram Van hours, and the expan- sion of the student court. "We've already made our commitment, present USG Vice President 'for Finance who and it's a commitment to progress," said is seeking re-election with the Progress Party. Whitford. Although Mahoney and Commitment's Patty Drasky, CBA '86, Progress Party Vice President for Finance candidate David candidate for USG Executive Vice President, Varoli, CBA '86, admitted that they "haven't echoed Whitford's sentiments. looked into it," they were optimistic about the "Changes can be made. USG does have plan. power, contrary to the belief of some studen- "1 think it's one of the best ideas I've ts," said Drasky. seen on this campus," said Varoli. Tapping the Keg An issue that both parties agreed upon The issue of kegs on campus and its im- was the concern for commuters. Progress and portance to the Fordham community was Commitment both called for more commuter discussed by the candidates. Whitford, a (Above) Commitment candidates listen to Ihe Progress platform. (Below) (L. to R.) USG involvement and a greater attempt by USG to strong advocate and original sponsor of the presidential candidates: Commitment's Shaun Mahoney and Neil Whitford of Progress. attract commuters to the campus for social ac- proposal, restated his belief in the proposal's tivities. importance as more than a keg issue, but as which was headed by Whitford, for being ill- implemented anyway. "Commuters aren't brought into the "an issue of student policy." prepared and for not having a proposal con- The Administration and Student Government campus enough," said Mary McCulloch, FC "When 1800 students call for the structed before submitting the petition to Vice The ability to work effectively with the '86, the Commitment Party candidate for Vice relegalization of kegs, yes, it is an important President for Student Affairs Joseph administration emerged as a major issue President for Student Life. issue," said Whitford. McGowan. during the debate. Similarly, Jennie D'Arrigo, FC '86, the Mahoney, although supportive of the "I think the time when student gover- Whitford reiterated his belief that student Progress Party's candidate for Vice President proposal, believed thai it was "handled nment fails is when it goes in there (to the ad- representatives should "represent student for Student Life, stated that one of her goals is through the wrong channels." He also said ministration) unprepared," said Mahoney. needs" rather than be "administrative tools," to "make the Commuter Council as effective a students were not informed of all the details Mahoney also questioned the sincerity of but he did add that the restructured SAC Continued on page 16 involved before they signed the petition. the keg proposal committee since the other Policy Committee offered a "unique oppor- The Commitment candidate criticized the points of the proposal dealing with programs tunity" for cooperation between the ad- committee that drafted the keg proposal, of alcohol awareness and counseling were not ministration, faculty, and students. He also Inside Not Vodka page 9 Genesis-solo Senior 15

Commitment: Athletes Progress: Lance Top Row: (L. to R.) „ , Top Row: (L. to R.) Dave Varoli, Shaun Mahoney, Gail Romano, Jenny D'Arrigo, Neil Whitford, Patricia Drasky. Heard, Pat Dowling. page Mary 19 Bottom Row: (L. to K.) Bottom Row: Suzanne Burneli, Mary Beth Tattoni, Tom Hanusik, Monica Sciales,'Joe Noceita. •' 'McCulloch." •'• '"••' '• ' '••' ' ' •••••• 2/THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985

1 *•* THE CAB CALENDAR

Friday, Monday, Wednesday, March 29,1985 April 1,1985 April 3,1985 Conclusion of 24-hour Debate Marathon Rabbit Run Time Estimation Race around Lombardi Center Registration for CPR 12:30 p.m. Music Room. campus 5 p.m Lombardi Center. Grand Renewal Course April 7. $10.00 Prize: Dinner for two at the Saga Restaurant. Second Place: Easter Baskets from the Sweet Shoppe. Mixer9p.m. Ramskellar. Tuesday, Thursday, April 2,1985 April 4,1985 Pro-Life Alliance Lecture by ErmaClardy Holy Thursday-No Classes Craven author of Abortion, Poverty and Fordham Helping—A confidential service Saturday, Black Genocide 12:30 p.m. Ballroom. offering assistance to troubled students 7:30 p.m. Interreligious Dialogue on Talk to someone who cares. Beginning March 30,1985 ' Abortion, Music Room. April 1. Counseling Center 8 p.m. -1 a.m., Friday-Saturday 8 p.m. - 4 a.m., Sunday- University Chorus Easter Concert 24-hour Debate Marathon, 12:30 p.m. Thursday 8 p.m.-1 a.m. (performing the Haydn: Lord Nelson Mass,) Music Room. 3 p.m. University Church. Mixer 9 p.m. Ramskellar.

Sunday, Happy Easter March 31,1985 Palm Sunday

Use Ibis lorm to list events in the GAB calendar Sponsoring Group. Address Description of Event

Date.. Place Time, Admission Requirements Ofiniirflif To: 11 College D CBA • General Public DEADLINE: FRIDAY IT 4fM Uoon corojisHon o! this form, please return to: LJ Crad Students D Other Caiindir committee f ' Members of Fordham University Only Campus Center Director's Olflce THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985/3 WhoArelliey? USG Executive Candidates: What Are They Saying?

Shaun Mahoney, COMMITMENT Lance Heard, COMMITMENT Neil Whitford, PROGRESS Patty Drasky, PROGRESS

Shaun Mahoney, CBA '86, is a finance Commitment Party executive vice- Neil Whitford, FC '86, is the Progress Patty Drasky, CBA '85, is the Progress major and the Commitment Party can- presidential candidate Lance Heard, FC Party candidate for USG president. Whit- Party candidate for USG executive vice- didate for USG president, Mahoney is a '86, is a Gales Ferry, Connecticut resident ford, a philosophy-history double major president and is an accounting major from native of Rensselear, New York, and has with a interdisciplinary economics-math resides in Cleveland, Ohio. Whitford is been a Resident Assistant since his South Norwalk, Connecticut. Her double major. A USG senator this past currently managing editor of the Paper sophomore year. Mahoney is willing to qualifications include two years in- year, Heard calls himself "one of the give up that job if elected. Mahoney's ex- but if elected, intends to resign from the volvement in student government, CBA perience includes being a member of more outspoken" USG officers. Heard position in order to devote more time executive officer, and editor of the CBA student government freshman year, and a has also served on the Food, Health and to student government. Whitford is a Newsletter. In 1984, Drasky was a CBA member of the ring and student Middle Security Commission and the WAC member of SAC, Residence Hall Ad- freshman moderator and she also has co- State Committees. He is also a Catholic Executive Board. judication Committee, and is currently chaired the recent American Cancer Big Brother. president of Martyrs' B-House. Society's Dance Marathon. Commitment Progress Student • supports new SAC restructuring • support new SAC restructuring • SAC funding for class governments. • Increase student body awareness of SAC • initiate a plan to invest SAC monies into Activities Council the Student Credit Union. A-House Proposal • against proposed A-House reconstruction. • against proposed A-House reconstruction

• believes keg proposal was misdirected by • believes it is useless to pursue proposal going through SAC. further. Alcohol Policy * will not pursue kegs on campus • will not initiate Alcohol Awareness Program • will support work for alcohol awareness Program but will approve proposal if initiated by the Office of Student Affairs. • consult 48th Precinct police to determine • USG sponsored Security Awareness Program security flaws on campus. during freshman orientation. Security • if necessary use USG money for security • Walsh Hall locking key gate for fence along improvements. 191st Street.

• recognizes weaknesses in student culture but • O'Hare exaggerated Animal House behavior. O'Hare's believes that Fordham is a positive community • students should have greater input and "Culture" Speech and O'Hare's examples were isolated incidents. responsibility in University policy. • faculty-student ball. • expand Student Life Banquet to honor • intercampus day. more students. • continue Club Community Network. • establish faculty-commuter dinners. • extend Ram van service to weekends. • club promotion weekend. • sleepover social/commuter invite boarder Student Life & Clubs • commuter newsletter. home. • continue Club Community Network. • overnight commuter facility. • encourage similar clubs to work together. • library open until 1:00 a.m. • pursue activity grants for student organizations. • establish permanent USG lease on club • build offices In FMH 4th floor excess space. office space. • research possibility of office space Collins • permanent particians for offices FMH Club Office Space Auditorium 4th floor. 4th floor. • capital improvement for offices. • office allocation determined by members, activities and needs. • bi-monthly USG information columns in • solicit permanent and local addresses by newspaper. inserting cards In tuition packet. • USG minutes—available to all students. Communications and • assist in revising Student Handbook. • periodic questionnaires. • monthly newsletter. • retain suite telephone numbers from year to Information • monthly forum with students. year to aid with Student Directory. • seperate off-campus listing in Directory.

• alert incoming seniors as to their individual • used book directory reterrai service. requirements for graduation. Advise and • course evaluation booklet just student refer problem" opinion. « course evaluations by students and faculty. • student representative on adminstrative Academics • concentration clusters for CBA students to sub-committees. take liberal arts courses, and visa versa. • student input on faculty tenure committees. • expand book exchange. • student and faculty advisors for freshman.

• USG should work as a whole not as individuals • improve perception and relationship between good organization will restore student respect and sludent body USG l 1 i l | |i 1 fc k •>v*.'v« v :»»J".fi5rSttiBbhl't)<3**Virtiertt:. -'»» W.». . '.'«v .•.v.u.w W,W,WK .WW.«!irt ' 4/THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985

Just A Moment hints toward an explanation

Once at a family gathering, my niece, Beth Anne, SAGA asked: "Uncle Michael, did you ever hear anything awful in confession... like murder? I thought; you don't hear sins—you hear sorrow; You hear hearts humbled and graced with the love of God. Will raffle off one three foot You hear those people who are strong in soul—courageous enough to admit their weakness; trusting enough to depend on God. Solid Easter Bunny to You hear sensitive souls, striving to care for others, and seeking God's aid. benefit the United Way. You hear people who are dying—yes people whose world and cares were shrinking down to just themselve—; You hear people who were dying called back to life. You hear someone (like all of us) called to love God $1.00 per chance and neighbor and (like all of us) weak, and sometimes \ bewildered (like ail of us). You hear someone responding to God's love. Chances available at the candy

counter in the Ramskellar. For information about the Jesuit Vocation or Ignatian Spirituality Contact: Director of Vocations Drawing Wednesday, April 3 501 East Fordham Rd. 7:00 p.m. in the 'Skellar Bronx, New York 10458 (No meal cards pleased

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The ArtCarved sales re- Modern Food Center presentative will be on cam- (Arthur Avenue near 187th Street) pus April 9 through April 12 for the Classes of '86 and '87. Stop by to see the entire with this coupon ArtCarved collection and custom options. Remember it's your year for gold. Red, White & Blue Beer 2412oz. cans $6.99 plus tax deposit /IRTC71RVED offer expires 4/4/85 X CLASS RINGS April 9 • April 12,10 a.m. • 3 p.m. Open 7 Days a week We carry a McGinley Center I We Deliver large variety of beer $10 deposit required: Mastercard and Visa accepted. .I1 «•• p» THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28.1985/5 O 'Hare and Hughes Hall Get Together by Pete Birle and Deirdre Murphy "I said there were islands of culture and O'Hare said. "It's overcrowded, but on the nationally ranked football team. Dormitory overcrowding and student civilization in the dorms. People have said 1 other hand, we face the pressure of having a O'Hare also said he would like to see culture were the main topics of discussion at a exaggerated, I hope I did. Maybe the islands waiting list of people who want to get into more student support for the athletes. In ad- recent informal meeting between University are really an archipelago and there are lots it—so we are caught between two things. As dition, the University plans to increase their President Joseph O'Hare, S.J,, and Hughes more islands than I thought. That would be soon as we can relieve the pressure on the investment in women's basketball. Hall residents in the Hughes Hall Basement terrific news," said O'Hare. overcrowding in this building we will." "We attempted to present a forum for Lounge. The new dormitory that will begin con- Dressed casually and speaking in a struction soon will house 500 to 600 beds and "I said there were relaxed atmosphere, O'Hare began his first i 9 will help alleviate the overcrowding in Hughes, question and answer session with residents by 7 don t think there said O'Hare. He also said that the A-House islands of culture and clarifying his statements made to faculty last is as much intellectual proposal was the idea of his executive assistant month concerning student culture. O'Hare Rev. James Conn, S.J., to create a greater civilization in the had said that-the residence halls have the sym- excitement on the feeling of community, but the proposal has dorms. People have ptoms of an Animal House culture, and a not moved past idea stage. culture of that kind should not be accepted. campus as there The President advocated the belief that said I exaggerated. I "Nothing is duller than an Animal House there is a parallel between academic excellence culture," said O'Hare adding that culture shouldbe." and athletic success. hope I did." does not just appear, it has to be developed. "Success breeds success," said O'Hare, "I don't think there is as much intellec- - O'Hare using Boston College's star quarterback Doug - O'Hare tual excitement on the campus as there should Flutie (now of the USFL New Jersey Generals) Istudents and have him respond," said Car- be. We have a campus culture that has 'hap- Residents then took this opportunity to as an example; Flutie was probably respon- mine Taglialatelia, FC '88, president of pened' and that hasn't been led or guided ef- complain to the President about the cramped sible for quadrupling applications for ad- Hughes Hall. "We achieved that. It went fectively," said O'Hare. living conditions in Hughes Hall. mission, allowing Boston College to be more along well, and I think students can feel they O'Hare also said, "cesspool was an ill- "We recognize that there should not be selective. This has resulted in both an have been heard." O'Hare also addressed A- chosen word describing residence halls." four students in a room in this building," academically superior student body and a House students later in the week.

director's role." He then told a story about ac- every play needs is "growth." In every suc- tress Mary Martin when she starred in South cessful play the protagonist has some "Discouraging is not Pacific at the Drury Lane theater in London. weakness and the story goes on to the climax According to Logan, Martin was nervous and where he discovers something new about him- the director's role." could not give the performance she did on self. Jt must be a positive discovery, and in a Broadway. Logan told her the only way she tragedy he must find his fault before he dies. - Josh Logan could sound better is if she removed all doubts In closing, Logan emphasized the need from her mind. Martin regained her confiden- for strength in art. While theater is at a low ce and her performance improved. point now, he believes there will always be a The 82-year-old director also discussed need for the live performance. He hopes that necessary elements for a long-running play. one day a play can open in 60 different cities in Sighting a theory he likes to call the "Light- the United States, all at the same time, just as Strong Statement," the one basic element it does in India today. CBA Program Change

by Matthew Bertron University prepared a report titled "Self Study Here is good and bad news for the of Fordham University." The report analyzed College of Business Administration Class of curriculum strengths and weaknesses in all Veteran Director Speaks '87. The good news is that next year's juniors schools of the University. Although a recom- will partake in a stronger academic program. mendation for a heavier course load was in- by Mary Jo Lilly Stanislavsky I wanted to become a director in The bad news is that their course load will included within the study, its implementation "Love the art in yourself, rather than order to be closer to him." crease. was totally independent of the association's yourself in art." Logan warned his listeners that the art Under guidelines approved by CBA evaluation, according to Stuhr. These are the words that inspired the world is in a dangerous position due to its lack deans and faculty two years ago, accounting Student reaction has been favorable said career of director/playwright Joshua Logan, of governmental backing. He urged parents to majors will take five courses each semester Stuhr. "Any student who thinks about it, I who spoke in the Ballroom Tuesday as a guest encourage any artistic interest their children during their junior year. All other CBA juniors think, recognizes the more rigorous the speaker in the American Age Lecture Series. may have in art, stating that "we need all the will take five courses in the fall semester and education the more it's worth," he said. Logan has co-authored the screenplay artists we can possibly have." four in the spring... One student however, felt that rewards' Mr. Roberts and the Pulitzer Prize winning The director said that South Pacific was "We are just reminding everybody," said will not be immediately realized. Broadway musical South Pacific. He also his greatest artistic production because the CBA Dean David Stuhr, "when they (CBA "It won't help the. first class to go directed the Broadway productions of strength of the play lies in the theme and the '87 students) came in as freshman they were through it, in short terms," said Brian Fit- Camelot, Annie Get Your Gun and Fanny, as lyrics. "The play is based on racial prejudice already under the program." zsimmons, CBA '87. "The effect will be more well as the movies Picnic and Bus Stop. and the lyrics are powerful," he said. Logan The class of '87 will need at least 37 cour- long term as employers realize Fordham has A native of Louisiana, Logan studied un- said the lyrics in contemporary musicals are ses to graduate except for accounting majors strengthened its standards." der Constantin Stanislavsky at the Moscow weak and that the music of Richard Rodgers who will need 38. The 124 credits previously In addition to the extra courses the class Art Theater. He claims Stanislavsky taught and Lorenz Hart presents the "golden age" of needed to graduate has not been changed. of '87 will also be the first CBA class to have a him to take art seriously. "1 went to Moscow musicals. In preparation for an evaluation of CBA Business Ethics course requirement. CBA*'86 thinking I would become an actor or a Discussing the success of his by the Middle States Association of Colleges was the first class to have a Business Com- writer," said Logan, "but after working under ' career, Logan said "discouraging is not the and Secondary Schools last month, the munications course requirement.

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U.S.G. Executives (seated) Neil Whitford - U.S.G. President Patricia Drasky - Executive Vice President Tom Hanusik • Vice President Finance Joe Nocella - Vice President Academics Gail Romano - Vice President Operations Jennie D'Arrigo • Vice President Student Life Monica Sciales - Vice President Communications Fordham College Executives CBA Executives (first row right) (first row left) John Fanning - President Doug Winkler - Vice President Mike lapalucci - President Ann O'Malley - Secretary Sandra DiGiorgio - Sec/Treasurer George Mangiaracina - Treasurer

FC '88 (second row) FC '87 (third row) FC '86 (back row) Christine Nakhoul - President Neil Alexander • President Chris Murphy - President Jim Meindl • Vice President Jeanne McNally • Sec/Treasurer Lisa Martin - Sec/Treasurer Maureen Fiske • Sec/Treasurer Phil Puccia - Senator Ed Boland • Senator Melanie Mennig - Senator Kathryn Gaines - Senator Anthony Rash - Senator Lauren McLaughlin - Senator David Oden • Senator AidaTejaratchi - Senator Yolanda Ochoa - Commuter Council Priya Sarjoo - Commuter Council Dean Obeidaliah-Commuter Council Liz Corradino - Commuter Council Cathy Farrell - Commuter Council CBA '88 (second row) CBA'87 (third row) CBA '86 (back row) Kevin Harrington- President Andy Roeder • President Cathy Oliver- President Ann Peterson - Sec/Treasurer Annette Cava- Vice President Joe Kraerner - Vice President Nancy Rizzardi - Senator Raul Berina - Sec.fTreasurer Neil Germain - Sec/Treasurer Dan Sheehan - Senator Laura Garofalo - Senator Nancy Marshall - Senator Patty Schuller-Senator Elizabeth Sullivan - Senator Mary Hellenbrand - Senator Liam O'Brien - Commuter Council Lucy Muccio - Commuter Council Ken Petriccionei - Commuter Council Maria del Pilar Ocasio - Commuter Council 52 Working For You! THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985/7 Debating the World Saga Changes by Roqua Montez ever seen," said Nocella of the week long Policies When Joe Nocella speaks people listen. competition. "I was proud to have represen- by John Mooney Nocella, FC '86, and John Antretter, ted the United Slates and Fordham." Food service scheduling and tray busing CBA '85, represented the Fordham University Rev. John Piderit, S.J., moderator for policy have been changed by Saga and the Debate Team in last month's World Cham- the team, said that Fordham was successful Student Food Service Committee this week to pionship Debate Tournament held in Mon- because "many of the team members have provide faster and more effective service. treal, Canada. relied on their philosophical classes taken at The cafeteria will close at 6:30 p.m. on The Fordham junior also delivered the Fordham." He added that philosophy is an in- Friday nights, but Sunday night service will be opening speech on behalf of the United States tegral part of an experienced debaters extended until 7 p.m. and was ranked the number one debater in the development of an argument. "We examined our attendance and saw United States and seventh in the world. that very few people eat between 6:30 and 7 "The award is not as impressive as it p.m.," said Saga Manager Jim Tuton, "at- ounds," said Nocella of the competition tendance, on an average, is down by about 200 which combines intellect, a quick wit, and ' 'It was some of the on Fridays anyway and only about 25 or 30 humor, "All of the judges are hard of hearing, best debating I've ever people come in after 6:30." and 1 just happened to speak the loudest." The new schedule is an attempt to Fordham competed with the top 50 teams seen." University, the Irish and Scottish debaters provide better quality meals for students on of the English speaking world including 17 I threatened to boycott the tournament if it was weekends. Food usually remains sitting teams from the United States. They were - Joe Nocella held in England. They also felt that Fordham in pans during the last half hour of Friday ser- unable to talk their way into the finals, was more familiar with parliamentary style vice and becomes dried out, explained Tuton, however, because a perfect record is required. debate and would run a better tournament. noting that more students eat dinner in the "It was a pleasure working with the cafeteria on Sunday and the lines are ex- Nocella and Antretter compiled a record Although the exact location of next team," said Piderit, "they were a talented, cessively long. of eight wins and three losses, losing to the alert, lively, informed group of people. The January's tournament has not been formally Another change initiated this week is that University of Glasgow, Marian Opolis, and Jesuit education has long stressed the impor- decided upon, Nocella said it will probably be students will have to bus their own trays. Princeton. Ireland was the overall winner of tance of eloquence in personal development, held at Lincoln Center because of the school's "The Student Food Service Committee the tournament. and this team is right at the core of Jesuit proximity to the Manhattan hotels needed to suggested to Food Service Director Ken Stahn The tournament used the parliamentary education." house the 100-250 estimated participants. He that self-busing would improve service," said style of debate, where a team is given a topic Next year the World Tournament will be also said that politicians and celebrities will be Dining Hall Manager Alice Hagan, "It will to interpret in a humorous manner. Fordham at Fordham University. "This is an indication invited to the opening ceremonies. help get the cafeteria cleaner faster if people was given the topic "No thanks be to God" of Fordham's prestige to have the council ac- bus their own trays." Current employees who and defeated Harvard in a debate involving cept our offer," said Piderit. Piderit is confident that next year's squad bus trays will now be able to wipe off more the morality of prayers in schools. Yale, will be just as strong. "Michael Russo, who Nocella said that a representative from tables or work in other areas." Colgate, and Oxford also fell victim to For- each delegation voted on next year's site for spent his junior year abroad, will be returning, Student reaction has been mixed. dham. the tournament. Although Fordham was we have a good group of undergraduates with "It was some of the best debating I've originally a second choice against Oxford us and Joe (Nocella) will be back." Continued on page 16

VWCHOUT! McGowan Cites Possible Conflicts 'veqwt to clean up th» woisi crime district in the woxld. by Steve Lalli respect to individuals whose appointment con- But that's no problem, tinues into next year," said McGowan. 're the w

OPENS FRIDAY, MARCH 29 Spring has sprung and with it has come Physical Plant's AT FLAGSHIP THEATRES seeding of Edward's Parade. While most students have EVERYWHERE! heeded the warnings some birds are not as obedient. 8/THE RAM/THURSDAY. MARCH 28 1985 Student Activities Council Budget Workshops Tuesday, April 9 at 12:30 pm in Keating 109 Thursday, April 11 at 10:30 am in Keating 105 • Attendance is mandatory • Budget request forms for Fall 1985 semester can only be picked up during these workshops, so be sure to send a representative.

U.S. G. Invites you to the Inaugural Reception

Monday, April 11985,7 p.m. McGinley Center Ballroom

Come meet the newly-elected officers

Sponsored by U.S.G. THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985/9

"I like L.A. because 1 like smog," said Smirnoff had a featured role in Moscow on Smirnoff. "I live in Lenny Bruce's old the Hudson and has also appeared on the house," he says, and then adds proudly, "I Merv Griffin Show, Entertainment Tonight have four bathrooms, which can be difficult at and 20/20. On Monday, April 1, Smirnoff will Smirnoff Refreshes times... you see, when I was in the Soviet be adding Rose Hill to his list of appearances. Union, I didn't have a shower at all, which The Other Place will sponsor the comedian in was hard. Now, I have four and J sometimes the Ramskellar at 9 p.m. can't decide which one to use, which is hard hat do you call a Slavic export that; too." is smooth, sharp, and goes by the W •'name of Smirnoff? No, it's not the popular Russian alcoholic beverage, but another Smirnoff... Yakov Smirnoff. Foreign Language Cafe

Fordham Focus February 13, Marun greeted students and en- by Elizabeth Langclla couraged them to speak in a foreign language. with The sound of voices chattering in Ger- "I'm very interested in Spanish. The cafe man, Spanish, Italian, Russian and French is a good place to come where I can learn from float through the corridors of the Modern people who speak it better than I do," said Lisa Martin Language Department in the basement of John Cassarini, FC '88. Cassarini, and most Spellman Hall. English is a foreign language in other students felt that the cafe offered a this department, especially on Wednesdays at relaxed atmosphere outside the classroom set- This bearded young Soviet humorist is 2:30 p.m. when the International Cafe is open ting. called, "the only Soviet comedian in the free for business. "This is very beneficial and it would be world,", and he says he couldn't be happier to The International Cafe is a new program even better if more people came. I also think be here. that encourages students to converse in a its beneficial for the teachers because they got •' "I immigrated (o this country with my foreign language with faculty members and to know the students outside of class," said parents over seven years ago, and I'm in love students in a non-classroom atmosphere. The Irene Arutivonov, FC '88. with the place," said Smirnoff, in a lightly ac- "When I was in the 9 program was started last month by Spanish "I just came to brush up on French cented voice. Soviet Union Ididn t Professor Dr. Gioconda Marun and is the first because I'm taking classes this summer in "It's great, the number of freedoms you program of its type at Fordham to totally im- France and I want to keep up with the have here in America," he says brightly. "The have a shower at all.., merse students in foreign language outside of language so I'll be able to speak it better," variety... the freedom of choice." the classroom. said Steve Hatala, FC '86. "f like things here that we never had in Now I have four and I "When I mentioned it to Dr. Susan Ray, The Modern Languages Department is Russia... like police warning shots." He can't decide which one (Modern Language chairperson), she thought interested in increasing the number of pauses for anticipated laughter. "In Russia, it was a wonderful idea because it would give language majors and minors. According to they just shoot right at you." ; to use." the students the chance to speak in the Marun, the International Cafe gives students All joking aside (for the moment), Smir- language they are taking without fear of being the chance to discover some of the uses of noff explains how he became a comedian. • Yakov Smirnoff graded," said Marun. being able to speak a second language fluen- "When I was in school I was the class "It's wonderful," said Spanish Professor tiy. clown... and that's not looked upon too tment of jokes (and that is no joke). This body Juan Mendez, "Dr. Marun is creating an en- "We want students to realize that favorably over there." requires all Soviet comedians to submit their vironment that encourages the student to fulfilling a requirement is not the only reason Smirnoff achieved a degree of success material for review by the government. The speak and practice the language they take. I to take a language. By providing an enjoyable doing stand-up comedy in the U.S.S.R., but department usually censors all political and feel it compliments the classroom." experience, we hope to give people the chance yearned for more flexibility and freedom. sexual jokes. During the Cafe's grand opening in the to see if they want to go on in a language," "The censorship over there was sup- "Sure, absolutely, 1 do sex jokes," asser- Modern Language's Conference Room on said Marun. pressing and depressing. As an artist, it's hard ts Smirnoff. "The women here are much more to create things when someone is watching you free than those in Russia," he explains. "J all the time," said the comedian. mean, sometimes you have to pay, but..." In the Soviet Union under the minister of The Russian comedian currently lives in culture there is something known as the depar- Los Angeles. Jesuit Volunteer Corps

CHARLIE BROWN'S BARBECUE for young men and women FESTIVAL interested in working for the poor and SUNDAY thru THURSDAY the oppressed

OLD FASHIONED in shared community BACK RIBS for one year WHOLE HACK .• BARBECUE SHRIMP BARBECUE PERDUE OR CHICKEN PERDUE FEAST FOB TWO CHICKEN BREAST BREAST &RIBS $8.50 Meeting with Current Volunteers I ENTREES 1NIXU0I: SALAD BAH «. CHOICE or POTATC Monday, April 1,8 p.m. The Upper Room 2nd Floor Administration Building

MAMARONECH SCJUSDJOE YONKERS

181 E Boston Post Rd 2 Weaver Si 1820 Central Ave; 10/THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 1 4, 1985 Study Abi SERVING CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY SINCE 1918 spent last semester studying abroad in Salzburg, laughed, an,! Austria. When I was asked to write a piece on my experiences abroad 1 gladly accepted, figuring it Melissa Goodman Editor-in-Chief I dessert—but i would be a simple task. It wasn't. Let me begin with a Christine Federico Executive Editor '•A en though my \ns true story, a story I tell to anyone who asks me what my that coineto niijui < AndrewMola ...>.:— Managing Editor most interesting experience was. other people and place,wl It was just another Tuesday in Copenhagen, and fondness. |akr HaiJim; Scott Benjamin Nlewfe.£di|or, Vicki Donoghue News Editor with nothing better to do 1 strolled into the local that 1 was in |-iiiri|y |,f; Jeanine Poltronieri... Editorial Pag* Editor;; U$8 Martin Features Editor brewery. The "local brewery" just happened lo be the feeling to go in HIIOOI o

Joseph Mongelli Arts Editor * Glenn Proto Arts Editor what evetyhiKly:- ^;w^ Jack Curry Sports Editor * Michael Zuccarello Sports Editor going to Pans or I*.inue." Paul Guido Assistant Sporti Editor Pete Tosches Copy Editor bys—Amsterdam, ()f a Munich, am! N,» So I gave them my address. I took the tour of the 1 returned io the l'"' system. ship and we talked a little more. And then we parted. splashed uiilu'okUatei The next USG will be u vital one. With University policy and student activities changes Everyday I wait for a letter. Maybe they'll never write, foreseeable in the near future, a strong, knowledgeable, and accessible USC is extremely important real life!" (Winch M^ but I'll always consider myself as having 70 Russian There wa-one I* as is the role of a concerned and informed student voter. friends. Of that, I'm proud. German (c.iclici c;ilW°^ And ol that I'll always remember. After all, that's "You can't luu' Mn"' Since the University is closed lor Huh Thursday, The Kam will not publish again until April 11. what studying abroad is all about. Meeting new people, really thought .huii« » sharing ideas, accepting different viewpoints. Sure, you ; answer. Bui. ""«'< l1' go to learn the language, but it's the people you meet l BLOOM COUNTY by Berke Breathed that make it worthwhile. say, "Ii's lik,- ^'";"|hc^ My particular program was in Salzburg, Alhl K1 Austria—famous as the birthplace of Mozart and the back, fnn- ' * return," You can t lu^ movie, I tie Sound of Music. Instead of living in a he l'^i' WWHKKNG A student dormitory or with students off-campus, the So, mr. about with tlic t|iK"' program housed us with an Austrian family. What an ( Rim MM the hardest ih'".^;"11 experience! •mm? expect me to NI\ »''»lu If you want to get to know the customs of the country, and the people really well, there is no substitute for living with a family. You learn everything from ac- lie easiest P-'"- ' ^j, cents to table manners to wedding celebrations. I found dreams and pi>i^- that wasn't ^ "• ^ their way of celebrating anniversaries to be very en- leaving to coined-.. joyable. The whole family (there were six of us I was i'ii tl" lMI ,. altogether) gathered for a large dinner and we opened a special bottle of wine.'We made toasts to the parents, THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985/11 ad? Me?

[vly. Unfortunately, the many, driving to Meierhof. I knew my Austrian family id spit it up during would be waiting for me. Everyone was nervous, If. gathering their luggage and flowers and empty bottles of family is the first thing wine. As 1 stepped off (he bus, there was my Austrian ibout Europe, there are mother waiting. She said hello, in German of course, think about with equal and took my luggage to the car. As we drove to the' stance. Every weekend house, she talked in German, and I did my best to an- It is the most awesome swer her. But all I kept thinking the whole way was, day morning and hear "This is going to be one long semester." But it wasn't neone would always be Before I knew it, I had traveled to France, Brussels, ere were the old stand- Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Sweden, North Germany, and Venice, Vienna, Switzerland, Rome, Czechoslovakia, lower Austria, tiring our week-long Vienna, and Luxembourg. And now it was over. It was jieece or the south of time to leave. But, the hardest part wasn't saying bood- but I opted for the nor- bye. It was saying "Thank You." 1 Germany. Dankesehr! mps and by myself, I myself. I met many Tim CahiU, CBA '86 is a finance major and studied fun. There was the guy abroad to meet new people and for a change of pace. vas from Bangkok and in the neighborhood!; ibout Europe, there are wo Irishmen on the inch after I spilled beer n students on the train all night because they talian on the train to get to is of the ^people is no ting with

what he thought of {people were people I each had a different Europe, and me. They ue with; things which | where I was coming , and understood, and

the foreigners I met. eople I became closer Ived through and who Graphic by Greg Duva ^d my feelings. I'm and Japanese students ere were 91 of us. We assroom, from 9 a.m. jWe ate lunch together i together. Many times |ighboring Weinkeller. ' on weekends. I'll ad- jnow and then, but we ymnion |h other. When one of iped to cheer them up. Jif we started to annoy I look back upon the Letters to the Editor tiink that's what I miss eling of helping each fordham—at least not pout each other. When es, it was like being Godspell Gets Rave Reviews Jit's time to get back to ja lot back in Salzburg.) jjerman class when my To the Editor: extreme favorite as was Benny Logarino's "All explain the meaning of Recently we, the seventh and eighth grade Good Gifts." Kathryn Gaines and Chistropher " eat it, too." I never students of Immaculate Conception School in Stony Wypyski's comedic talents and musical talents were was left without an Point, New York, had the pleasure of seeing the put to excellent use in the show. Tony Ventura's fier one more time, I'd Mimes and Mummers' production of Godspell fantastic performance has resulted in the creation of |n Austria—I couldn't would like to now commend them for putting on an informal Tony Ventura Fan Club (all those ptes. But now that I'm such a wonderful .show. interested in joining, please contact us). Trisha We feel that the acting and the musical numbers Gorman's versatility could not go unrecognized. Her and 1 can't wait to performance included singing, acting and comedy, |e and cat it, too. were filled with such energy and spirit that they are sure to be remembered by all. We were also very all of which was performed with professional lend this article? How quality. ost asked: "What was impressed by all of the actors' anil actresses' performances. We would like to lake this time to thank the cast abroad?" Most people and crew of Godspell for allowing us to view them • and going to a strange Each of Kevin Conyingham'sand Ken Wenn's and we look forward to seeing more Mimes' piat was, in retrospect, performances complimented the other. Their singing productions. of expectations and as well as their acting abilities were excellently look forward to. No, displayed. Maria Alleva and Gladys Maria Vallespir each brought a special heartwarming feeling to the Seventh & Kighlh Crude Students The hardest part was 1 show with their superb singing. Adriene Paxlon's linniiiciilak Conception School Stony Point, New York AtliiciH' I'uxton '•Bt with the rest of the vampy number "Turn Back, Oh Man" was an iveek-long tour of Ger- 12/THE RAM/THURSDAY. MARCH 28 19RS

Serve in Appalachia

Appalachia ,i region ot st.uk contrasts. You'll see sonic of God s most beautif u I scenery, sui- rounding ;tn .n e.i of abject povei ty Join other Catholic men and volunteer a week this summer in exchange for memoiirs to enrich the rest of your die You'll experience MHO ICEUmUR IHCLUDtS HI THESE BOMS: firsthand an ; ictive mission life, by bringing practical help • Free wine with dinner, cognac after—in flight. D Free deluxe roundtrip and hope to the pooi people of Appalachia motorcoach between Luxembourg and select cities in Germany, Belgium and Holland. D Reduced train fares to Switzerland and France. • Super Saver Kemwel car rentals at $59 per week in Luxembourg.

From a 24-houmYTOFWmmmmBEHmOFr stopover to a grand tour of two weeks or more, we have the May 18-24, 1985 July 20-26, 1985 perfect package for a visit to Iceland, Europe s most beautifully kept secret. All fares subject to change and $3.00 international departure tax. A" 'are§ val^ 4/14-^/8/85, except June 8-14, 1985 August 3-9, 1985 Orlando—5/1-5/31/85. For information, restrictions and reservations for all of Icelandair's low fares, call Icelandair toll-free at 1-800-223-55OQ. In.New York City ,757-8585.

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Minority Recruitment TRAINING: Training programs offering early managerial Day Conference and technical responsibilities. Immediate opening in avia- tion management.

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Medicine & QUALIFICATIONS: Minimum BA/BS degree (summer graduates may inquire). Applicants must be no more than The Community: 29 years old. Relocation required. Applicants must pass aptitude and physical examinations and qualify for secur- The Year 2000 ity clearance. U.S. citizenship required. Saturday, March 30,1985 BENEFITS: Excellent package includes 30 days' earned annual vacation. Medical/dental/low-cost life insurance 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. coverage and other tax-free incentives. Dependents' benefits Julius & Armand Hammer Health Sciences Center •available. Extensive training program provided. Promo- 4th Floor- Riverview Lounge tion program included. 701 West 168th Street (at Fort Washington Avenue) New York, New York 10032 PROCEDURE: Send a resume to, or call collect: Sponsored By Lt. Harry Kiskaddon Columbia University 26 Federal Plaza, Rm 1632 The Alumni Association New York, N.Y. 10278 516-683-2565 or 2566 College of Physicians & Surgeons Black and Latin Student Organization Interviews will be held on campus on April 11,1985 Office of Minority Student Recruitment Aspira Navy Officers Get Responsibility Fast. For information: Call (212) 694-6876 "i Ot|¥*K 'I1 ft*. ('«*)«• '''I ' THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985/13 Sally Scores

NOTICE! by Glenn Proto The biggest winner at the 57th Annual QE2 STANDBY FARET£> EUROPE-NOW$599. Academy Awards seemed to be Sally Field. After winning her second best actress Oscar This standby fare provides a a $75 deposit is required with for Places in the Heart, Field proved once and berth in.a room for 4 (we'll your request. For details, see tor all that she has escaped from Sister find traveling companions for your travel agent or write: Betrille's habit. you). Or, for $699, sail in a Cunard, EO. Box 2935, Grand Sally Field ga,ve the most emotional minimum grade room for 2 Central Station, New York, speech of the ceremony evoking once and for people. This limited offer is N Y 10163. all that Gidget is gone. Field expressed her subject to withdrawal without euphoria of finally feeling respected after her prior notice and may not be many years in the business. She thanked the Academy for their support, while combined with any other offer. acknowledging her career has been somewhat Rate does not include taxes or LIZABETH L British Registry "unorthodox." airfare. Confirmation will be Places in the Heart also won Robert Ben- given 3 weeks prior to sailing; ton an Oscar for best original screenplay. Ben- ton harl nreviously won three Oscars for writing, directing and producing Kramer Vs.. CUNARD Kramer. « CUNARD 1985 Places in the Heart was edged out for best picture by Amadeus. Amadeus won a best actor Oscar for a relatively unknown New York actor, F. Murray Abraham for playing Salieri, Mot- zart's longtime rival. The film also won for best costume design. He had Milos Forman who previously won an Academy Award for directing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. He won another best director Oscar for Atnadej<&_ Oscar's biggest surprise came in the best sunoorting actor categories. Haina S. Nor in his first acting role ever, won for Killing Fields the most political film of the year. Nor beat the sentimental Pat Morita, from The Karate Kid. Touted as the year's best film, A Passage To India won only one major award. Peggy Aschcroft won for best supporting actress as an upscale English woman on tour in the British Indian colony. In the music categories the winners were Prince and Stevie Wonder. Prince won for best original song score for his film Purple Rain, a category in which he had virtually no competition. Stevie Wonder's win for best original song was a bit of a surprise. But the Academy preferred "1 Just Called To Say I Love You" over Phil Collins "Against All Odds." Classifieds

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Summer Time HelpiWattets, waitresses, tour guides. No experience necessary. Wlldwood, New Jersey. Call Monday- Friday 2:00 p.m. • 4:00 p.m. 609-772-1510. ^looking for roommates with whom to apartment-hunt? Seniors—giving up your apartment upon graduation? The Office ol Residential Life is seeking listings (or students moving off-campus of the 1985 36 academic year. Call 579- 2326 for more information." Twelllh Annual CerebraTPalsy "BIKE-A-THON" The "BIKEA- THON" will be held May 5th (ralndate Sunday, May 19th) In Central Park, Silver Lake Park on Staten Island and Prospect Park In Brooklyn. To participate in this year's "BIKEA-THON", _ —is soon as you get a jokvyou could The Card can help you begin to please call (212)683-6700, Ext. 207. ____ 8 Dear Liz, I'd like to meet you. How about a friendly conver- get the American Express Card. establish your credit history. And, for sation or dinner? Thanks for the compliment—John. If you're a senior, all you need is business, the Card is invaluable for P.S. I'd like to know whoyouaro... I have my suspicions. to accept a $10,000 career-oriented job. travel and restaurants. As well as shop- Management: Excellent opportunity in the investment business. Management trainee positions with a 55 year old That's it. No strings. No gimmicks. (And ping for yourself. Wall Street investment firm. Thorough training. Contact: Mr. even if you don't nave a job right now, Of course, the American Express Schwartlng or Mr. Polizzoll tor Interview at (914) 328-9090. don't worry. This offer is still good up to Card is recognized around the world. Kick the Smoking Habll. Individualized, computerized program olfered by the Counseling Center. For further information call 12 months after you graduate.) Why is So you are too. 579-2141 or stop by Dealy Hall 226, American Express making it easier for So call 1-800-528-4800 and ask to Typing Service term papers, resumes, etc. For further info: call you to get the Card right now? have a Special Student Applica- Maxine Solomon (212) 53B-4340 (Bronx). Reasonable rates. tion sent to you. Or look for one Chris Glgllo—Even though you are deserting us, we still love Well, simply stated, we be you. But give back your keys and lorget everything you know lieve in your future. And as you on campus. about ads. Good luck meeting famous people. The American Express Card. go up the ladder, we can help- SM - Love Volume 87 in a lot of ways. Don't leave school without it. Apartment to Jhnte on Kingsbrldge Road. Call Naressa Desoyza (212) 884-3488 Rent: il60)plus utilities. For detailed information on Cape Cod summer |obs and how to apply, send a long self-addressed, ilimped onvalope today -.V>,H.vv>. y.i.x- to: Summer Job! Bon 594, Room 6, Capo Cod, MA 02630.' ' 14/THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985 Tracking Hollywood Movie Trends

by Glenn Prolo Well, Hollywood has a new trend for them as What do Sylvester Stallone, Jennifer well, even though they may not have realized Beals and Ralph Maccio have in common. it. They are a part of the latest trend in movies. A recent rash of successful films have Me1* « big cllf kid « » MVi« town. They ««W Wd r»v«r win H» \ That means they all have an ambitious dream. knew h« had lo. '• focused on the plight of saving the farm. What Stallone wanted to box, Bcals yearned to dan- is interesting about this trend is that these ce and Maccio mastered karate. movies all star fiesty women trying to save Rocky, Flashdance and The Karate Kid their land, while the male farmer takes a back were all box office gold. They made millions seat to the action. These midwest wonder- of dollars and made stars out of three women are wearing the suspenders in their unknown actors. families. Actually these were sweat films. In most of these movies the actors were perspiring their "A recent rash of successful films have "It seems that focused on the plight todays youth oriented of saving the farm." films center around Sally Fields in Places in the Heart, Jessica catchy music rather Lange in Country and Sissy Spacck in The r River have revived the farm Hick. Heller than strong dialogue. known as the dust bowl trio, all three women «. have garnered Academy Award nominations for best actress, with one bound to win. Tin- way to a goal. The new film Vision Quest is successes may even encourage more frenzied made from the same batter. Get a good female farmer flicks. looking actor, with a dream, in this case It is hard to imagine the next few years of wrestling, and make him sweat. movies not bringing us any disasters, slashers, The sweat does not work as well without athletic underdogs or whining fanners, bin a soundtrack of endless pop hits. Another key sooner or later they too will be untrendy. element in this trend. Make the actors sweat to Maybe the next big movie trend will be a a good song and the profits will skyrocket. combination of all these factors. This seems to be the motto of today's A series of films starring a plucky female producers. farmer, who harvests cotton byday and flash- Flashdance would have been just a Hash dances by night. A woman whose driving am- in the pan without its hit soundtrack. Rocky bition is to move to the big city and attend tlie III depended heavily on Survivor's "Eye of High School of Performing Arts. But mean- Meets Carrie. Then Friday the 13th, Part In one weekend films like Private School, the Tiger." The group also recorded the theme while, she must sweat all day and night to the Seven, Jason and Carrie Get Hitched. That Private Lessons, Hard Bodies, Hot Dog, The song to The Karate Kid, called "The Moment disco beat of Irene Cara, that is how she must would result in Friday the 13th, Part Eight, Movie and Loosin It can earn their total of Truth." I assume that makes Survivor the pay her dues if she wants to succeed. Son of Jason. budget. This brand of movies are continuously king of the big dream movie soundtracks. bad because they are cheap to produce, and Her dreams and determination turn her In the midst of the frightful Friday flicks If Survivor is the king then the queen is some adolescents have nothing better to spend into a vicious creature. She is in reality a mad was the holiday slasher movie. Remember, My definitely Irene Cara. Cara is better known as their money on. woman with a mean butcher knife who's Bloody Valentine, a film about a mutant who the sweat film siren. She claims to her credit, Horror and sex corner the youth oriented vision quest is to kill all of the town's lived in a Pennsylvania coal mine decades after or discredit as singing in bolli the Fame and market, but where does that leave the adult. flashdancers. Flashdance films. Two movies dripping with he was trapped in a mining disaster. This killer ripped tights, high expectations and sweat. got his kicks cutting out his victims hearts, It seems that todays youth oriented films while the local preppies plan a Valentine's Day center around catchy music rather than strong dance. In one brutal scene the creature stalks a dialogue. Flashdance which inspired laundromat where he hacks an elderly woman Footloose and Vision Quest are prime exam- and stuffs her in the clothes dryer. In this film, ples of this new fashion of filming a movie as Cupid, candy, and red roses had little to do if it were meant for MTV. with Valentine's Day. Most every scene in Footloose tried to in- Hollywood's next holiday target was corporate videos into the movie. For example Mother's Day. A day when the town's loving when Kenny Loggins was finished chanting. children go haywire killing their mothers. "Everybody cut, everybody cut," Deniece They were not rebellious teenagers either. Williams started squeaking and squawking They were cute innocent toddlers with a thirst "Let's Hear It for the Boy." for blood. But Hollvwoocl has found a successful Hollywood's next holiday target was formula that it will undoubtedly stick with. Mother's Day. A day when the town's loving This is reminiscent of the disaster Hicks of the children go haywire killing their mothers. early seventies. A tidal wave in The Poseidon They were not rebellious teenagers either. Adventure was the digger to a series of They were cute innocent toddlers with a thirst mother nature disaster ripoffs. for blood. It just wasn't your ordinary There were movies about earthquakes, Mother's Day in this picture. There were no burning buildings, killer bees and of course all tulips, yellow daffodils or new coffee pots, those ridiculous airplane sequels, a series of just a good scalping or a stab in the back. films whose only premise was to test the Hying by Andrew Mola „ skills of the maddened stewardess. The Last Christmas the film industry proved disaster formula eventually wore off, but no holiday was sacred with the release of Silent If you own a copy of John Fogerly's latest release "Cenlerfield. when it did it was time for Halloween. Night, Deadly Night. The star of the film was congratulations, you now have a collector's item. Apparently one of the tracks on John Carpenter's Halloween was a sur- a killer Kris Kringle. This Santa did not have a the album, "Zanz Kant Danz" is a vicious attack on Fantasy Records chairman prise hit about a mad slasher who would not sweet smile and a heart of gold, he was a cold Saul Zaentz. Fantasy, Fogerty's former record label, insisted the title and lyrics be die. After Halloween a flock of shock films blooded killer. This Santa slid down the chim- changed. So when the album is re-pressed look for the title to change to "Van/ Kanl arrived with the same plot. They were poor ney with a sharpened axe and rat poison. Danz"... "We arc the World" which has sold three million copies worldwide is Silent Night, Deadly Night caused such a con- imitations made on low budgets, just trying to becoming one of the most played records of all time. Out of all the music stations make money from the Halloween scene. They troversy that it was yanked out of the movie nationwide, an astounding 91 percent of them have played the tune last ULV all involved a mud killer with a carving knife theaters only one month after its release. But who terrorized innocent preppies on vacation, one month still gave the producers enough alone. Currently the song jumped 16 notches on the Billboard Top 100 to inimw at summer camp or even on prom night. time.to make a hefty profit from curious 5. Could number one be" within grasp???... New Album Release: due out i^ week you can look for the following: on CBS Ozzy Osbounie's first release SUM- 1 he most successful Halloween ripoff moviegoers. was Friday the 13th, a film that has inspired If horror cannot bring out the audience "Bark at the Moon", former member of Rockpile Dave Kdinunds puM'"' four sequels. Just when you thought it was than sex can. Shock them with sex and profits another solo effort. On Caribou Records—everyone's favorite surf band i u- safe to go back to camp Crystal Lake, Jason is will soar. That was the idea behind several Iteucli Boys will put out their first release since the death of group leader bU|n back in Friday the 13th, Part Five, A New films which followed Animal House and The Wilson. On Capitol Records—still going strong after all the.se years, Joe (<>i'-ir/" Beginning. After being beaten, shot and stab- Blue Lagoon. For the Animal House audience Now that the British and American musicians have recorded songs lor '^'"'J^' bed over the course of four films, Jason is still there were films like I'orky's and it's two Canadian rockers arc ready to help the cause too. "Tears Arc Not Lnough . «' ^ sequels. These successful films threw vulgar alive continuing a life of crime. ten by David Foster and Bryan Adams will be released by the 20 memlvi'. ' jokes and eroticism at young teenagers who iridav the I3tli is the most publicized "Northern Lights for Africa Society." Included in the band arc such rocken . fell for it by the millions. Teen sex exploitation silver screen ressurreclion since Carrie rose Neil Young, Corey Hurt, Joni Mitchell, (ieddy Lee, and Gordon I jjjh from the grave. M.-iybe'the ne\f sequel should films caught atlenlion, but more importantly i,.. ,;ii..,i ; rut,iv iiw Hih. Purl Si.\', Jason brought in movie dollars.' THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985/15 Phil Collins Jacket Needs A Patch John Hreunig almost incessantly offered on "Long, Long Why are there drum machines on Phil Way To Go." The song is almost saved bv the Collins' new album? trademark somber chant of Police chief Sting. The use of these modern monsters by the One of the highlights of the album is the segue brilliant Dercussionist is symbolic of from the moody ambiquity of this selection to everything that is wrong with No Jacket the cheerful beat of "1 Don't Wanna Know." Required. Unfortunately, the latter effort contains lyrics The workaholic is getting lazy. typical of this album: "She can cry all she Collins displayed the best pop sensibility wants/She's not gonna get me back." this side of Don Henley last year with "Again- Really profound, Phil. st All Odds" and "Easy Lover". These songs The sensitivity the artist offered on Face stuck in the head like a cherry popsicle to a Value has been unsuccessfully replaced by a mink coat. Unfortunately, the same can not be said of his third album. "To be fair however Face Value, the first solo record by the Genesis leader, was an outstanding thematic No Jacket Required work. Collins exorcised the pain of a recent divorce in a stream of consciousness style. does have some nice Hello, I Must Be Going, his second album, was more dance and pop oriented. While (hey trimmings despite the were complete albums, Jacket is basically a collection of studio noise. The cover of this ef- lack of a main course." fort, like its predecessors, features a closeup of genuinely bitchy demeanor. Even when the artist's face. Unlike the others, this head- Collins does achieve a degree of sensitivity on shot has a reddish glow. this album he manages to ruin it through his He is probably red from embarrassment. execution of the song. The derivitive writing style Collins slipped The drummer should be arrested for into an Hello has reared its ugly head again. illegal use of a deadly synthesizer on "One "Sussudio" sounds like little more than a More Night." This tender love song is killed reworking of Prince's " 1999". The song, like by the annoying drumming of a Roland 808. It many others, is overproduced. Collins recently is defaced in the same manner as Stevie Won- admitted (hat he wrote these songs in a short der's feeble Academy Award winning, "1 period of time. Like the film Indiana Jones' Just Called To Say I Love You." and the Temple of Doom, this overproduced On the other hand, "Doesn't Anybody venture cannot hide tne cneap primer beneath Stay Together Anymore" features some fine managed to make his own vocals sound as "Who Said I Would" is a fine blend of its glossy paint job. The lack of lyrical sub- work on the drums. The sentiment of this song programmed as the synthesizers he insisted on Collins' writing style and some stolen notes off stance is the prime cause of this, however, is jammed into a pop melody like using. His drumming style has always been Prince's keyboard. The rising vocal during the Collins relies on a repetition of lyrics Divine into a girdle. Collins seems to have unique because he drums with the melody of song's middle eight is accented by some im- throughout each song on the album. While forgotten that a simple arrangement can work, the songs he plays. But he sings in the same pressive work by The Phoenix Horns. most of the songs are written in the first per- as it did on "The Roof Is Leaking" from his manner of some of these cuts, and it doesn't Collins also saves the best for last with son, the singer generally assumes a third per- first album. work "Take Me Home," a song that would sound son attitude. Almost every song is marred by The ubiquitous Mr. Collins, who has To be fair however, No Jacket Required right at home on a Genesis recording. This weak lyrics; "Turn it off if you want to/Swit- recently done production work for Eric Clap- does have some nice trimmings despite the album closer features handclaps and some ch it off or look away." These words are ton, Al DiMeola and Philip Baily, has lack of a main course. classy backup vocals by Peter Gabriel, Sting, Helen Terry and Collins. While Collins cannot be expected to succeed with all of his efforts, this album is still a disappointment. He has been a gun for hire in recent years, effectively hitting the mark on other artists' work. Unfortunately, he ran out of ammunition for his own album. Sweaty Dreams Vision Quest Good is the only word to describe A flashy film about a high school Swaine. He is so sweet and good natured, it's unrealistic. Louden constantly jogs and trains wrestler. Starring Matthew Modinc and a for the match, while still getting high grades, brief appearance by Madonna. working nights and writing for the school newspaper, all at the same time. by Glenn Proto Swaine also manages to carry on a Vision Quest is the all too familiar story relationship with a sophisticated street smart "Vision Quest is of a young man and his driving ambition to woman. Carla, played by Linda Fiorentino. fulfill a dream. In this case it is winning a high Their relationship provides the film's best essentially a weight school wrestling match. moments. The film stars Matthew Modine, as watchers story," Fiorentino gives the film's best perfor- Louden Swaine, the state champion wrestler in i mance. She is fresh and fiesty and has a dynamic the 190 pound division. Hut Swaine wants screen presence. Her looks and performance I more, lie wants fame, and he starts paying for are reminiscent of Dcbra Winger. it in sweat. This is the premise of the film to Vision Quest has caused a stir because it is This film is being advertised as singer with "Shout it to the Top," "Change" by focus on how many ways Swaine can sweat. produced by the same men who made Flash- Madonna's movie debut. But do not be John Waite and Don Henley's "She's on the First of all London's big goal is to lose 22 dance. Without even knowing that, the two fooled, if you blink twice you will miss her. Zoom." The album also provides Journey pounds to be able to compete in the 168 pound films are strikingly similar. First of all Madonna does not act in the film, and with one of their biggest hits in years, "Only division, the division boasting the stale's un- Both take place in a depressed steel town has no dialogue, and appears only once as a the Young," a stale, sappy Sieve Perry ballad, defeated wrestler, coiiiinoiiinulv known as and incorporate music videos into the footage. singer in the town hangout and sings "Crazy that is slightly above average for the San Fran- Shoop. This villianous wrestler does calis- Many scenes in these two films consist of for You". Unfortunately, the camera focuses . cisco based band. thenics running up and clown stadium steps while working up a sweat to a pulsating disco beat, more on Modine and Fiorentino slow dancing Modine is: adequate, in a role that gives carrying a large piece of lumber on his and Vision Quest does succeed on this level. than on Madonna singing. When the film was him little to do but exercise. But he is an actor shoulders. One striking similarity is a scene in which made the producers cast the then unknown with presence and does lnve promise, as does The film turns out to be essentially a Modine flashdances with his jump rope to Madonna for the role. Now trying to the rest of the cast. 'Michael Shoeffling is weight watchers story. Can this nice guy lose Madonna's tune "Gambler". capitalize on her popularity they are adver- especially good as Kooch, Swaine's best 22 pounds to challenge and defeat the bad tising the movie around her. friend, as is Fiorentino as Carla. When Modine is not jumping rope he is After a while Vision Quest becomes all guy1? running the city streets to her music. Another Vision Quest is another film that relies too routine, because you know exactly what to During the course of the film the main video scene has the wrestling team doing syn- too heavily on it's soundtrack. The film may expect. Bui the excellent soundtrack and video character goes through all the trauma of a chronized calestenics to Berlin's "No More fade away to cable but its score will keep clips do make the film smooth and fast paced. compulsive dieter. He ends up getting nose Words." Like Flashdana; the Vision Quest, churning out the hits; Besides two; sibling Vision Quest is just one dream thai is not wor- bleeds and even passes out a few times. But he offspring has a scries of videos. • tracks bv Madonna, there is The. Style Council th 'ihe ef I oil. ..''' always manages to get in a good workout. 16/THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985

don't think we should have to bus trays " said The Softball Challenge Jane Neaola, FC'87. SAGA Changes The Food Service has implemented two For the past two years. The Ram has emerged victorious other changes. Students who want breakfast from the annual softball showdown against the Paper. Will Continuedfrom page/ .. c ...... „_ before 11 a.m. brunch on weekends can the two time losers care to try it again? If so, the presence of "It's not a bad idea, said bd Vilbig, FC register with Saga managers on Thursdays and this year's Paper squad is requested during Activity Period, '86, "you have to clean your trays in Mc- Fridays to eat brunch at 9 a.m. The salad bar Donalds and Burger King." in the Ramskellar will also remain open until April 2nd on the Martyrs' Court lawn for this year's contest. Some students believe that Saga should 8:30 p.m. Please R.S.V.P. make the service more convenient. Sincerely, "If they want trays bussed," said Bob Andrew Mola Pappa, CBA '86, "carts should be scattered in different areas, placed strategically." USG Debates Ram Softball Manager "Considering we pay so much money, I

ContinuedJrom page I body as RHA is for residents." Good friends will give you a break The Progress plan to extend library hours raised immediate doubts among students who believed that the administration would not when you're broke. spend the extra money to pay for this service. However, Joe Nocella, FC '86, Progress Party candidate for Vice President for Academics disagreed. "If the Lombardi Center can stay open lo midnight, and the Pub can stay open lo I a.m., the administration should be able to come up with the money," said Nocella. "There is no excuse for not keeping the library open to that hour." Article Controversy Another concern of some members of the audience was an article written bv Christine Nakhoul Progress Party candidate for President of the College of Business Admin- stration class of '88 that was printed in ilw Paper entitled "Who's Going Out Tonight." In the article, Nakhoul humorously calls for residents to be rowdy and to "make Ilil guards earn their pay." Students asked whether this attitude was reflective of the entire Progress Party. Although Whitford reassured the audience that the article was only meant as a "humorous piece," Commitment Party candidates were quick to address the eonmncM. "It is important not to destruet but 10 look for the betterment of Fordham lni\er- sity," stated Mahoney. Referring to Dr. McGowan's letter reminding students to act in a respectable manner over Spring Break, McC'ulloch reiterated this need for individual acceptable behavior. "Anything that reflects badly on one of us, reflects badly on all of us," she said. College Presidents Debute Manuel Portella, CBA '86, Commitment Party candidate for Executive President ol CBA, called for a stronger and more organized CBA government, where executive board members would work closely with elass executives. "Unity, that's what we're working for. said Portella. Portella also supports the idea of SAC allocating funds to individual cla.^ gouT- nments. At present individual class governments must raise their own funds. The Progress candidate I'oi l BA Executive President, John Fanning, CBA 'S6. stressed the need for CBA teacher ewiluatioiN CBA club booklets, and more lecture- Horn alumni. "We'd like to set our government a- an active, high profile government," '.aid li- ning. ., Mike lapalucci, FC '86, the Progie- a'- ty candidate for President ol V^mm College, said that the only way lor tlie or- The dinner was sensational. So was the dliam College executives to be elkvtiv Inr check. The problem is, the theater tickets that student needs, would be to eie.u a you insisted on buying broke your whole "reciprocal relationship" between Hie administration and the student body. budget. Enough to declare bankruptcy by the Commitment Party auulidaie ^ lll u time the coffee arrived. Executive President of Fordham f: ; A nudge under the table and a certain Ziaya said that she would like lo im i;'^ destitute look in the eye were enough to campus-wide lost andt found in the ^ .l^^ Center and plan a fall festival calal ^ produce the spontaneous loan only a Off 85" to feature various intents >•' good friend is ready to make. petitions. 'SO \ ice How do you repay him? First Ziaya, who is presently I the cash, then the only beer equal President for Communications, criticized for the extensive delay in t to his generosity: Lowenbrau. lion and distribution of the Student Ziaya cited "problems with the pi the majority of the delay. Mill "There are some things that ; thai Lowenbrau. Here's to good friends. control, and there are some thin.' I'lll.l Reel RtHWPllinll SA hu Millnr MriM/inn f.n Mi '••not;' THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985/17 OSCcir, answers from the April Fool's Issue

Answers to the Odd Couple Trivia Quiz Scoring

1.1049 Park Avenue. 40-52 Points: Excellent. You are probably one of those people who re- 2. Leonard and Edna. cites the dialogue out loud and annoys all of your friends 3.1970 - 1975 while they are trying to watch the show. Good. I'm glad 4. November 13. (Everybody should have had this one—it starts every show I'm not the only one who does that. "On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife.") 30-40 Points: Not bad at all. There were some very tough questions and 5. Gwendolyn and Cecile Pidgeon (If you just said 'The Pidgeon Sisters it you still did pretty well. doesn't count). Bonus question—Brighton, England. 20 - 30 Points: Could be better. I think you're studying too much and not 6. Roy, Vinnie, Speed and Murray. watching enough late night television, 7. Mimi 8. Jack Klugman Below 20 Points: There is no excuse for this. You had better start tuning in 9. The New York Herald to Channel 11 at 11:00 p.m. (For those of you who need 10. Pestiness extra help, it is also on weekday mornings at 10:00 a.m.) CONGRATULATIONS!— To the winners of the Fall 1984 Ford Bronco II Volleyball Classic Basketball Men Continued from page 20 OLD GERMANS son. So do the Rams, but it was not to be. Capt. Aruin Tapia Rich Watson "These kids played championship ball for the last two games," said a somber Pen- Cholo Aquino Otto Constantini ders. "There is nothing I can say to them." Bill Smith Jerry Padian Except maybe wait till next year. Free Throws: Indiana dumped Rich- Lawerence Downs Doy Naker mond, 75-53, in the second round of the tour- ney as Uwe Blab scored 17 points. Newman Lou Crisci was held to 13... A healthy Fordham con- tingent of about 30 fans made the trip to Women Richmond to try and root the Rams to victory... The only blight upon the Southern 4th FLOOR JAMMERS hospitality displayed by the Richmond folk occurred in the second half when a fan came out of the stands to taunt Fordham's Don Gapt. Mary-Beth Gurski Lauren Macchia McCormick after a foul call. Security escorted the gentleman out of the arena. But, in the Mary-Ann Sedor Angela^Crawford "Who's kidding Who" department the guy was back in the gym, in a different seat, in a Maureen Plessner Chantal Kelly matter of minutes... You gotta stop... Fresh- man Steve Kratzer, who was heavily recruited Jackie Thomsen Jeanine Greenberg by Fordham was unimpressive in limited action... The Richmond campus was beautiful Barbara Mogilnicki Maureen Willey with everything you could want, including a lake... WFUV-Radio Sports must be com- mended for broadcasting every one of the Rams 31 hoop contests. Not every school can boast that... Thanks to Coach Penders and his staff, Buddy Mahar, Bob Qtiinn, Ed Sands and John Armstrong for their favorable treatment of the press throughout the season... Also, hats off to managers Joe Kramer, Joe Favoritoand Michael Zuccarello IrTTRflrKJRfiLS for helping the media during road trips. Ford congratulates all the winners and participants of this semesters Bronco II Volleyball Classic. We offer our thanks and appreciation to the Baseball campus Intramural/Recreational Sports Departments who helped the Ford Motor Company bring you this special event. Continued from page 20 scored nine runs. Bobby McLaughlin went nine for 27 (.333) scored eight runs and drove in another five while stealing five. Number (pub-set Intramural Dept. co-sponsor in this area) three hitter Tom Levy led the team, going 10 for 23 (.435) with eight RBI's. As a team, the speedy Rams stole a remarkable 24 stolen bases in 27 attempts FORD BRONCO II and the 1984 U.S. Volleyball Official Vehicle of the U.S. Volleyball Association while in Florida. Since returning north, '['earn... /I Golden Performance! they've been successful six times out of seven. Ford congratulates the U.S. Men's VolleyballTeam The Fordham Rams have been slated to finish dead last by the coaches in the MAAC on winning the Olympic Cold Medal. conference. Gallagher views this prediction as As their proud sponsor, Ford Division salutes the an insult to the players and to the Fordham program. U.S. Men's Volleyball 'leam for its gold-medal per- "We have the type of players who'll go formance in the XXIII Olympics at Los Angeles. out there and do a little 'revenge work' with their bats and prove the coaches wrong," said "To go all the way to the XXIII Olympiad, you need Gallagher. raw talent, tireless dedication, and years of hard Extra Bases: Through nine games, For- work. The U.S. VolleyballTeam displayed them dham designated hitter Tom Levy is hitting at all, and we applaud their achievement. a .484 (15 for 31) clip, and he has driven in a team leading eleven runs.., The Rams play eight games in the next seven days including a three-game series against Manhattan this x «,-•• weekend to open their conference schedule. Fordham hosts the Jaspers on Saturday in a noon doubleheader and travels to Manhattan "Get off to a great start with Font ...Cpllege.pn.Sunday fora 1 p.m^ganie. f rr • -r f. 18/THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985. Swimming Stars Say Farewell

by Paul Guido t is never easy for athletes to say good- Kaminsky is a sprinter because of her Kaminsky touched on the different men- was good at," she said. bye to a sport that they have competed small, but strong build, an aid for quickness, tal approaches needed for the two styles Kaminsky, a native of Port Jefferson in for most of their lives. Last month at and her ability to start at full speed when hit- saying, "before the race the sprinter concen- Station, Long Island, says she began swim I mmg at age 11 on "just a whim." the Eastern Championships, co-captains Erica ting the water; a must for a successful sprinter. trates on the gun and getting your reflexes to Kaminsky and Sue Patz of the Fordham Patz, on the other hand, is a slow starter, react as soon as possible. You tell yourself to Patz had the same coach, Jim Brobin from second grade through high school. women's swim team had to do just that as they but because her events are longer, she can use just go into the pool and do what you can as her great stamina to wear down opponents, soon as you can. For long distance you have Kaminsky changed her coaches every competed for the first time. two-and-a-half years before coming to For- "The fact that my career was over didn't passing them at the end. tohave the menial capability to keep your dham. body going throughout the whole long race." affect me at all until the ride home, and then I Contrasting methods of training and Although Patz was an all-state performer was crushed," said Patz. mental preparation accompany these two dif- The path that each of these athletes at Mounds View High School, she had to join Kaminsky echoed these statements when ferent styles. followed to Fordham was also quite different, the Fordhain squad as a walk-on because lor- she commented, "swimming was so a part of "To train a sprinter you do short distan- Patz hails from St. Paul, Minnesota. A dham does not recruit in Minnesota, but she my life that when it ended I felt like I had lost ces at 100 percent level. A long distance member of an athletic family, Patz began her was later awarded a scholarship. my right arm." swimmer does 30 percent more a day, but not competitive swimming career at age seven. Kaminsky earned a scholarship from her The women's swim team is losing its heart all out," said Ortof. "Swimming was a sport that I liked and outstanding A.A.U. times and an excellent and soul with the graduation of this pair. Op. record, both athletically and academically, at Comsewogue High School. both an individual and team basis, they have excelled. Combined, the two swimmers have set 10 school records and were instrumental in "Susanna was a resurgence in the women's team. "When we first came to Fordham our \unbelievably tough in team was sort of in a slump and one of our \her individual races,.. goals was to make this team more serious in the commitment to the sport and in its output W were really at the meets," said Kaminsky. They have achieved that goal, much lo [dependent on her to the delight of Rob Ortof.- "They gave a lot of effort for four years, \swim great everytime, they didn't have any ;ero years. Susanna was unbelievably tough in her individual races... \and she did." Once at Fordham, Kaminsky and Patz formed one of the best one-two punches in "Everytime we put Eastern swimming. The two athletes con- sistently won in dual and major group meets, mca at the end of a and also collected many fond memories with each season. relay that we needed "1 especially remember making the Nationals in Idaho freshman year. It was to win she would really exciting having the school send me out there," said Patz. [ come through." "My biggest surprise and satisfaction," said Kaminsky, "was earning Most Valuable - Rob Ortof Player last year. The records and the limes that I have set would definitely be something we were really dependent on her to swim great that I'm proud of, but the M.V.P. was the everytime, and she did." Of Kaminsky he icing on the cake." said, "Everytime we put Erica at the end of a A final difference between Kaminsky and relay that we needed to win she would come Patz is that collegiate athletics are not quite through." finished for Patz. No longer swimming i" tlie water for Fordham, Patz is now rowing on top The two seniors have attained their of it as a member of the Fordham Crew. similar levels of achievement although coming from "I like competing, probably because I've very opposite backgrounds, training methods been competing all of my life, and I feel thai 1 and events. In fact, perhaps the only thing that iiave the potential to do as well, if no! better, Kaminsky and Patz have in common in crew than in swimming," she said. athletically is success itself. Both Kaminsky and Patz will never quite 'I he most obvious difference between the get athletics out of their systems. swimmers is that Kaminsky is a sprinter, Patz spoke for both of them when she specializing in the butterfly, while Patz swims stated, "sports are just part of my lifestyle. Fortunately Fordham was able to see how long distance events, mainly the backstroke. Erica Kaminsky (left) and Sue Patz. Rugby true that statement really is. Drops Gator Relays Three by David Van Houtcn by Chris Coyne In what turned out to be more of a lear- The women's track team kicked oil W ning experience than a winning experience the season over spring break by traveling M>UIH rugby team completed a week long trip to and competing in the Lady Gator Relays in England by dropping three out. of four mat- Tampa, Florida. . ches. The Ram runners did not fare as ueii • > they would have liked against the uthci •' The first match for the Fordham ruggers v was on Monday against the Emmanuel Boar- teams in competition, possibly due io Hi-' ji sence of key runner Kathy Liltlejolm ulu' ^ ding School. The team split into two squads a fractured foot. But the team's I1111"'" and played two matches simultaneously. I he reason for competing at Sanla k'(oinininin A-squad lost their match by a score of 15-'J. College was to work out the winter k"lks'"\ joe Hissong scored a try while Chris Seal/o become physically fit for lla- reinaiiulei >'i l completed the conversion and the penalty kick spring season. . for the Rams points. "We were a lot bigger physically and Under the guidance of aslant o<* more aggressive, but they just out finessed Sue Shea, the entire team was able w i^ 1^" years ago, only to have both the A squad gii.in. .'in Mill came up MIOII ol points loin ticipate in two intense daily workoui- >!•'•• us," said Hissong. Crowley scored two tries to lead the Rains and iii'd IS squad lose by identical scores of 19-12. good weather conditions. The B-squad came out of their contest kept the score close despite being sliorthanded SIKM In ihu A-game Scal/o scored all of the team's During their week in the citrus sia victorious, winning 10-4. led by Mob Cimitis due to injuries from the first game against 12 points and kept the ruggers in the contest experimenlecl with the team by nlk>«' and the dominating play of the squad's for- Emmanuel. until the end of the match. tiers to compete in various events Im i wards the ruggers claimed their only victory of |ic k "Ihe whole lean) played well," said Pat In the lime thai was not spent playing, the lime. Her motive being to give i the trip. team wenl lo professional rugby games, On Wednesday the team traveled to Kent Carroll, "|,ul NU. didn't get a single break." added dimension of depth and UM^ ., • , .Tlie. squad pei |oi,nxd well during the M- England vs. Scotland, and explored British .the season progresses. lo play St. (laves a lean that visited Foidhain culture—tlie nubs. I lit KAM/THURSDAY MARCH ?fi One Last Curtain Call For Seniors

ony Mclntosh, Jerry Hobbie, Steve The senior's fine play (he was second at this Samuels, and Jimmy Allen have year's Metropolitan Championships) has led T recently completed their basketball the squash team to a consistent top twenty play here at Fordham to the accolades ranking for the past four years. properly given to senior athletes. Standing Another group of seniors deserving ovations thanked these four athletes for the tribute can be found on the men's and women's track teams. Ed Finucan, Pete Van Bloem, Luis Ruedas, Bill Tucker, Pat Con- nelly, Bill Kelly, Schutz, Larry McGiv- ney, Chris Weimar, Pat DiOrio and Kathy bit- tlejohn are all competing for the last time this spring. Littlejohn holds three school records, while Finucan, Van Bloem, Ruedas, Tucker, and Weimar have been singled out by Coach Tom Dewey as the primary reasons for the recent success of the men's squad. memories that they haveleffbehind "As a core group the have been most There are many more senior athletes, responsible for the resurgence of the team,", however, who have also dedicated themselves said Dewey. to athletics here at Fordham, but have never The same thing can be, and has been said received any standing ovations of due praise about the senior players on the rugby team. for their fine representation of Fordham "Our group was one of the keys to the University. resurgence of Fordham rugby," said senior It is now time to make amends to an ex- Pat Carroll. cellent class of athletes, a class that helped This group: Carroll, Matt Murphy, Kevin establish a tradition of winning here at For- Fitzgerald, Jim Borland, Chris Scalzo, torn Halliday, Brian Nevins, and Brian Stanton dham. helped the team earn a berth to the East Coast Let us not ignore the job that the senior Championships for two straight years, a feat football players have done in leading the team they could not have dreamed of during their back to respectability this season. Charlie freshman years. Spinelli, a four year starter at center and a There are many more senior athletes, however, who have also dedicated them- team captain for the past two seasons; Frank selves to athletics here at Fordham, but have never received any standing ovations Three seniors, pitchers Tony LoBello and Boccanfuso, the team's leading tackier before of due praise for their fine representation of Fordham University. Marco Gugliemini, and second baseman Rob Wasson, provide experience and leadership an injury ended his career prematurely; Joe playoffs the past two seasons with the help of against powerful Columbia? for a young baseball team. Like the women Gallagher, the team's leading tackier last winger John Viscovich, defenseman Ed Ar- Senior tri-captains Carol Elser, E.J. hoopster's, these seniors have had to play for season with 81; Ray Miranti, a key figure on mellino, and goalie Lou Manna and Mike Haskell and Laura DeGennaro provided three different managers in their four years. an offensive line that performed superbly this Scott. leadership and experience for the Lady Rams They deserve credit for their perserverance season; Chris Oden, the team's starting free "With the'lack of depth that we had this this season. The threesome had fine careers alone. safety and leading kick returner when healthy. despite playing for three different coaches in season, everyone had to give it their all for us John Pagan, Jim Kastberg and Ermanno • to make the playoffs. These guys certainly did This is also true in regard to the seniors on four years. Senior walk-on Marianne Dixon the crew team. In a sport as demanding as Costabile have all contributed greatly during that," said team manager Andrew Mola. added much needed depth to this year's • crew, an athlete still competing his senior year their playing days at Fordham. Certainly deserving praise are the senior squad. deserves credit for that fact alone. These members of the women's tennis team: Elisa "They are the heart of the turn around of Some credit should also be bestowed on seniors; Jim Sarfaty, John Flynn, Sean Blan- Frei currently the team's number one player, the program. They are the forerunners for the swimmers who end their competitive days ch field, Ken Donnelly, Carolyn Sullivan, Sue Julie Tighe, who occupies the number two whatever may come success-wise in the this year. The men's team is losing Bob Patz and Mike McGuinness have all helped slot, as well as Kelly Craffey and Jeanne future," commented Head Coach O'Neal Coakley, Most Valuable Player his Fordham maintain its reputation as one of the Tutein. sophomore year, while the women's team is Rosendale. The team has won a state cham- area's finest crews. pionship (1982-83), two MAAC titles (1983- The soccer playing seniors, Tim Murphy, losing Sue Patz, Erica Kaminsky, and Corinne The lacrosse team will be losing some im- 84, 1984-85) and over 95 percent of their dual Brian Jamison, Tom Novakovic, Doug LeNavence. The versatile LeNavence added portant players after this Spring season. Cap- matches, an impressive record that deserves Cochrane, Billy Vogel and Otto Constantini depth to the squad, a club led by the excellent tain Bill Entenmann, leading scorer Jeff praise. Both Frei and Tighe have garnered a have each aided a team that has flirted with swimming on the part of Kaminsky and Patz. Coyle, Jim Toes, John Barry, John Davis, and collection of individual honors during their national rankings during the past four years. Kaminsky and Patz rank with the finest George Datino are all seniors, and all mean a four years at Fordham, but they are most Who will ever forget Fordham's 1-1 tie with swimmers in the history of Fordham swim- great deal to the success of the team. proud of the team titles they helped achieve. number one ranked Long Island University ming. A standing ovation is certainly deserved their sophomore year, or this season's 3-3 tie The Fordham hockey team has made the Dave Reiss' four years of athletic excellence for Fordham have come to an end. for all. Lady Rams Shine byTonyTarullo score when she teamed with Rama Gvildys on The women's tennis team opened the the squad's second doubles team. "I didn't season in Florida last week with three im- feel 1 played well in my first match (in singles pressive victories during Spring Break. The competition)," Frei said, "so I didn't want to Lady Rams are headed for yet another un- come off the court even though we had defeated season this Spring, following the trio already wrapped up the (overall) match. It was of triumphs in the Sunshine State. the first time I had ever been paired with Before heading South the team held a Rama, but we played well together and just tournament to decide which four pfayers lost it at the end (of each set)." would accompany the top five from last Fall The only other loss suffered by the Lady on the six day excursion, funded by the squad Rams on the day was that of the top doubles members. With their roster for the trip team of Julie Tighe and Sue Tully dropped a decided, the team arrived on Saturday and 3-6, 6-3, 6-4 decision to their Tampa counter- then spent Sunday practicing in a light drizzle parts. Tully also survived a scare in her singles for the upcoming matches. Although having match as she fought off a set point in the only one day to adjust to the outdoor surface, second set and rallied for a 6-3, 7-6, (9-7) vic- the Lady Rams pounded the University of tory. Tampa 9-0 in their season opener. The squad Coach Pat Rooney was impressed by the rolled easily with none of the Lady Rams even strength of the St. Joe's team but even more forced past the minimum two sets. impressed by his own squad's depth. "They Moini Clancy (front) and Liz DeCarvalho. St. Leo's College provided the club with a (St. Joe's) were very strong on top," Rooney more challenging match as they captured the said, "but we're solid down the line, so their Hillsboro College on Thursday, was rained are," Frei said. "That should help us schedule top singles competition and the top two hot torn (players) couldn't equal us." out so Fordham returned from their Florida even tougher teams if we return there." Tully doubles matches in a 6-3 Ram victory. Elisa The Lady Rams then took to the court swing with a 3-0 record. They must now also believed the trip was worthwhile. "Even Frei, playing in the top spot, suffered a 6-1, 6- for the third time in three days as they crushed prepare for more local competition beginning though we expected tougher matches (against 4 setback to Kelly Haley. The senior, who St. Petersburg by a 9-1 margin. After cruising this week against Pace in Pleasantville and Tampa and St. Petersberg), it was good for us played with her ankle heavily.taped, felt con- through their earlier singles matches and with Adelphi in Garden City. to travel to one of the nation's top states for fident despite a sore ankle and foot blisters. the final outcome well in hand, the doubles Overall the trip proved a valuable ex- tennis," she said. "We proved that we could "During the match I fell I could win but team of Tighe and Tully dropped their match perience not only for team members but for do (win impressively), even outside of the New she was very consistent and wore me down." for the only Fordham loss of the day. The the reputation of the school's tennis program. York area." Frei was also on the short end of a 6-4, 7-5 final scheduled match of the trip, against "Now, schools in Florida will know who we 20/THE RAM/THURSDAY, MARCH 28,1985 Spiders Nip Rams, 59-57 5th Straight NIT Loss

by Jack Curry Rams for 35 points. He wasted little time in in- No one was calling the Richmond Spiders troducing himself to the visitors from the lucky after they squeaked past Fordham, 59- Bronx. 57, in the first round of the National In- The Ail-American canned 15 of the vitation Tournament. So their head coach Spiders first 23 points as they jumped out to a Dick Tarrant decided to do it. 23-16 lead in the latter stages of the first half. "There's always luck involved in wins," "Newman, offensively, is one of the said a smiling Tarrant. toughest forwards we've faced," said Penders. It would have been hard to find a fan "I haven't seen many forwards with his amongst the 5,250 who attended the game at ability." Robins Center who would have argued with Fordham's hackcourt tandem of Jerry him. The teams knocked each other around Hobbie and Mclntosh displayed some of their the court for over 39 minutes and luck was the own ability by combining for ten points over only thing that could divide them. the final seven minutes to close the gap to 28- A loose ball rebound which slipped out of 26 at the half. Newman scored 20 points while the hands of Steve Samuels and into the clut- Johnson dumped in eight as only two Spiders ches of Richmond's Kelvin Johnson, who dented the scorcshcct. sank a four foot baseline jumper with three Richmond received some added offensive seconds left on the clock, was the play that did support in the second half and began to in- the separating. crease their lead. Newman continued to score "He (Samuels) tried to call timeout," at will while freshman Peter Wooll'olk (6) and Johnson said, "and the ball just happened to point guard Greg Beckwith (4) aided his effor- squirt into my hands so I shot it. I couldn't ts to help the Spiders push the lead to eight, even see the basket." 42-34. The senior guard saw it well enough to With the game slipping away, the Rams turn Samuels' blunder into the winning points. dismantled the Richmond machine by "I was thinking timeout," explained a removing Beckwith, one of the Spiders most teary-eyed Samuels. "I didn't concentrate on important players. The 5'10" floor general getting the ball with two hands. I tried to call picked up his fourth foul with 11:58 left in the timeout as soon as I got it. Somebody hit my game and promptly took a seat next to Tarrant. leg..." "Point guards are pivotal," said Tarrant. The sentence wasn't finished but, seconds "Without Beckwith we were in trouble." later when Tony Mclntosh's 30 foot bomb Tarrant was correct as the Rains ripped with one tick remaining bounced off the side off a 15-7 spurt over the next five minutes to Senior co-captain Tony Mclntosh paced Fordham with 18 points in the Rams' of the rim, the Rams' season had. tie the game at 49. Frank Williams keyed the NIT loss. The Rams finished a disappointing 19-12. "We matched up well," said Fordham rally with five points, including a three point head coach Tom Penders, who suffered his play which was the equalizer, to a two point lead, 57-55. in the hands of the right guy," said Tarrant. fifth consecutive first round NIT loss and also The game gave both coaches gray hairs With less then a minute remaining For- The Spiders got the ball to their super- failed to attain the twenty victory plateau. "It from here on in. A Lonnie Jones layup at 6:12 dham needed a clutch basket and Jones star, Newman, and he got the spot. But, sur- was a great game." made it 51-49 as the Rams took their first lead provided it. The gutsy sophomore corraled a prisingly, he missed an easy 12 foot banker. That it was. The two clubs lived up to the* since the early moments of the game. It did loosed ball and sank a short juniper to knot "That's my shot," said Newman. "1 pre-game prognostications as they played very not last long as Newman sank four free throws the score at 57. Richmond decided to kill off usually make it." evenly. The difference in the first half was the and Johnson added a pair to propell the the last 47 seconds and get the final shot, In Not to worry for the Spiders. Johnson play of Richmond's smooth junior forward Spiders back in front at 55-53. Williams con- fact, the Spiders called two timeouts with 12 was in the right place at the right time to hit John Newman. verted both ends of a onc-on-one situation to seconds remaining to be sure that they got the the winner and send the Rams home. Only a'last-second shot could have stolen tie it, but Woolfolk answered back with two right shot. "I like to win any way I can," said John- the spotlight from Newman who burned the free throws of his own to help Richmond cling "We wanted to make sure we had the ball Continued on page n

Rams Edge Brooklyn 54 For Third Straight Win Pete Toschcs well," remarked Gallagher, whose team lias Although its southern swing produced scored 51 runs in nine games thus far. "We re just one win, six losses, and two rain can- sitting on the ball better. When they (the hit- cellations, the Fordham baseball team has ters) learn how to hold their weight bad a In- found better times back north, including its tle longer, we're going to be a belter team. current three game winning streak. After being outscored 55-31 en route to Rob Wasson's two hits and two RBI's dropping its first five games of the spun? backed the fine relief pitching of Tim Bartzos season in the Florida sunshine, Fordham spent and Tony LoBello as the Rams won their two idle days in the Florida rain. The Rams finally registered their lust \K- home opener on the newly reconditioned Jack S;lU Coffey Field, nipping Brooklyn College 5-4 on tory when they won the nightcap of" "/ Wednesday. day afternoon doubleheader against Dai- tmouth, 2-1, in their final Florida contest. It was "LoBcllo's one and two-thirds in- Returning north, the Rams' M1- nings of excellent relief that nailed down the unleashed 15 hits and 17 runs as h'idham victory for freshman starter Pete Harnisch. trounced Wagner, 17-2. Junior Tony Ma"™ Harnisch, who struck out six, also walked started for the Rams and hurled SIN inning'- four before being replaced by Marco earn the victory, his first of the year. Gugliemini in the sixth inning. Leading the Rams' offensive attad ^ Brooklyn chased a shaky Gugliemini later Jack Allen and Tom Levy who each had m in the inning by scoring twice to draw within hits and two RBI's. Allen also stole t«o lu^ one, but Barlzos and LoBello stopped the rally in two attempts and after the game agai ^ to raise the Ranis' record to 3-6. Brooklyn, his season mark stood at an Head Coach Dan Gallagher said of pressive 17 for 18. K, LoBello, "He has to be our stopper." Calling On their Florida trip, the Rains got * Winning pitcher Pete Harnisch struck out six batters in Fordham's home opener him "very draftable," Gallagher praised his solid hitting from a number of players- / senior righthanded ace as "probably the best stole 13 bases in 13 tries from his lea ^ at Jack Coffcy Field. The Rams squeaked past Brooklyn College 5-4. position, and also hit nine for 26 (-•«" ' in the area." Continued on pW "We have a lot of guys hitting really I HE RAM/APRIL FOOL'S/3

Seven Administration Clones Arrive by Huffy Haydcn with their clones. bring me lunch. In an effort to increase labor without an "I love him, he's great, he's just like "My clone will handle all residence halls increase in salary costs Fordham University me," said McGowan patting his clone on the disciplinary cases and the housing lottery," announced this week that it has cloned seven back. "He can work on Wednesdays and I'll said Wegmann. "She will also set traps to cat- of its busiest administrators. play golf." ch vandals and students with illegal cooking The project entitled "Double Stuff" was Former Vice President of Student Affairs appliances," Wegmann added. initiated by the University to increase ad- Raddock recently announced that she could "I have to be both friend and foe to ministrative forces without hiring any new only work part-time because she wanted to students," said Sullivan. "My clone will do employees. The cloned administrators include spend more time with her children. Since she the mean things so I can always be nice," he University President Joseph O'Hare, S.J., has been cloned, Raddock will return to her added with a tooth filled smile. Vice President for Student Affairs Joseph job full-time. 0'Hare's clone will take over ad- McGowan, Associate Dean of Students Mary "I will never have to hire a babysitter ministrative duties so the president can attend Mowrey-Raddock, Assistant Vice President again," said Raddock, hugging her clone. all Ram basketball games. for Student Affairs Denis Moran, S.J., "Even when I'm not there I will be there. My "Joe goes to all the games and I stay in Assistant Dean of Residential Life Winifred children will just grow up a bit confused." the office and plan cultural activities said the Wegmann, Dean of Student Activities Michael Other administrators have decided to let other O'Hare while the president was mour- Sullivan and Vice President for Academic Af- their clones handle the unpleasant duties of ning over the Rams' recent NIT loss. "As fairs and acting Dean of the Graduate School their jobs. soon as Joe cheers up we're going to negotiate of Arts and Sciences Richard Doyle, S. J. "I'm going to send my clone to SAC with the cloning team about giving us more "These people have jobs that demand meetings," said Moran, "and he can also vice presidents and deans." they be in two or three places at once, and some of them have to do nasty things that make them feel bad. Clones will ease their busy workloads and do all the dirty work," Any Complaints? said Doyle. "Now I can take off my roller skates," he added. call Dan V incellctte Ram The cloning project began last semester as an experiment by five bio-chem students in the at 933-2782. course "Productivity and Administrative April Fool's Staff: Melly Mel Head, Clpning." According to one member of the Chaka Chris, The Party Animal, Truman scientific team, the project was initially an ex- Fitzgerald, Phil Donohue, VVeanie Wom- tra credit experiment, based upon accurate an, Lisa the Furniture Wrecker, Boy scientific discoveries was presented to Univer- Glenn, Wet Bikini Joe, Jeff Kurie, Mike sity administrators. Zook-a-whats-it, Guy Nacology, Cy "They liked the idea," said one team Kopath, King Murder Burger, Fowlman, member identified only as Fowlman. "We Flip Johnson, Gigilo Man, Princess Grace agreed to complete the experiment in return and Mr. Clean. for five lifetime unlimited meal cards." Cloned administrators were supportive of the project and are very excited about working This is The Ram's annual April Fool's Day issue. All material contained herein is not intended to offend or mislead anyone The Ram Goes Maroon in any manner. Hope you enjoyed it. by Guy Nacalogy peting, fish, lavender colored walls and plants, On Tuesday Ram Editor-in-Chief Melissa I've never seen so many plants," said Federico Goodman announced that the editorial board while pouring herself another glass of bour- of The Ram will trade places with the editorial bon. staffof The Maroon. Reasons for the switch, "Yippie," said Sports Photography Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. which will go into effect next week, are Editor Mark McDonough, "they have a super numerous. darkroom." by King Murder Burger "We (the editorial board) haven't done Tim Ring, photography editor said, "its our homework for five weeks, our teachers are groovy, I like it." Well folks, here it is... the ultimate Odd Couple Trivia Quiz. If you mad at us, our friends have forgotten what we Not every Ram editor however was think you know a lot about the Odd Couple, give it a try. Give your- look like, we don't sleep or eat, we haven't pleased by the switch. self five points for every correct answer and then check your score been out on a Wednesday night in years, and "Everybody loves that Maroon office, besides the yearbook office is sooo pretty," but 1 don't like it at all. 1 spent the entire win- against the table below. Good luck! said Goodman as she painted her fingernails. ter break painting the Rams walls. If they Jac Zadrima, editor-in-chief of The wanted lavender colored walls, why didn't 1. What was Felix and Oscar's address? (C'mon, I started you off with an easy Maroon, was startled by the switch. they just say so in the first place?" sighed one!) "They didn't even ask me about it, 1 Managing Editor Drew Mola while he played 2. What where the names of Felix's two children? with a yo-yo and ate hot dogs. came back from spring break and they had 3. During what years did 'The Odd Couple' run? "Now go away, I'm busy managing," he already started moving in," said a shaken 4. On what day was Felix thrown out of his house by his wife? Zadrima as he searched through his pockets ordered. for a match. "Sure I had told them that I Scott Benjamin, rumoured to be a news 5. What were the names of the two English sisters (first and last names, please) would like the recognition that they receive, editor, was another who opposed the switch. who lived upstairs? but I didn't think that The Ram paid attention Said Benjamin while resting from all the (Special 2-point bonus—where were they born?) to anything people told them." editing that he had done for the week, "the 6. What were the names of Felix and Oscar's poker playing buddies? The switch was the brainchild of Rain only reason I joined The Ram was for the 7. What was Murray the Cop's wife's name? Executive Editor Christine Federico who challenge of running the news department. 8. While both Jack Klugman and Tony Randall gave fine performances for five thought The Maroon office would be a good The yearbook may just be too effortless a job years, only one of them ever received an Emmy Award for it. Which one? place for the editorial board to vacation. for a man of my obvious talents." 9. What was the name of the newspaper Oscar worked for? (Hint—It wasn't "I was really getting sick and tired of The Former Ram Editor-in-Chief John The Ram). Ram spending all that time there, getting nasty Breunig was shocked by the suddeness of the move. 10. On what legal grounds did Gloria file for divorce setting a legal precedent in letters and complaints. I've had enough!" the state of New York? Federico was also impressed with the "I can't believe it, she only had the job decor of the Maroon office. for two months. I knew thai 1 should have "A good looking room really makes an picked Laurie Ann Dolce. Damn the paper The answers are somewhere else in this issue. editorial, o((,'iw. .This place is perfect, car- bc^is, again," s(aid i 4/APRIL FOOL'S/THE RAM WinninglS byDr.Z. "Creating success is tough. But keeping it shot? is tougher. You have to keep producing, you This University has made a mockery of can't never stop. Not even to take a crap." Division One basketball. Just look through - Pele Rose your course booklets. No physical education osing is had enough. Hut losing to fal major. Say a fellow wants to learn how to L people is even worse. weave a decent basket...' When lona won the MAAC champion- It may not be true, but rumor has il Pearl ship on March 4, the Meadowlands' Washington was interested in coming to Rose knowledgeable authorities brought out ladders Hill. Former Academic Advisor Buddy Mahar so the Gaels could snip the nels, knowing full told the Pearl he would have to lake a course well that no one could possibly hoist head called "Chaucer, Milton, Shakespeare." coach "Fal" Pat Kennedy and center Bob "No chance," the Pearl is reported lo "The Twinkie Man" Colenian that high. But have muttered. "I'm going to Syracuse where this is not a vendetta against overweight I can take 'Wooden, Knight, Bocheim.' " athletes, and I won't even mention the well- And the Pearl was gone. known fact thai lona players can't read. PHASE TWO: Dispose of NCAA Rulebook Sure, Fordham fans can argue, "lona It is this scribe's contention that NCAA may be champs, but at least we go to a REAL, rulebooks are a waste of good paper—paper school. Besides, our fathers can beat up their that would go better use if it were dyed green fathers." It seems like losers are always and circulated in banks. Besides, recruits seem coming up wilh silly excuses to justify not to take a liking to the color green. being good enough to win games. Coach Pcnders and'his assistants cannot We know Fordham holds its own in be restrained as they have been in the past. It Tony Mdntosh receives payment for services rendered. academic circles. Big deal. It's time this school doesn't have lo be blatant. Let's face it, Pat got its priorities straight. How many television Kennedy doesn't get all that talent at lona one blue-chipper. himself as an effective game coach. contracts has our debate team attracted? You because of his boyish good looks. "Fat" Pat We've all heard Pearl Washington drives Pull a Bob Dukiet (coach of Si. Peter's) will never see Brent Musberger and Billy has learned to satisfy a recruit's needs. a Cadillac and Walter Berry is set up every and schedule Division Three schools like Packer at Rose Hill to broadcast a Gerry Kennedy: Bob, our meal plan offers you all weekend with two bimbos with $100 bills stuf- Hawaii-Hilo, Robert Merrill School of Ap- Ferraro speech. That's Fordham mentality, by you can cat at every meal. fed in their bras, but Fordiiam remains in the pliance Repair, and Evelyn Woods reading the way, bringing in Ferraro, the very essence Colenian: Yeah, but coach, do you think I'll middle ages. school. After the twentieth win, imitate Pat of the word loser. have to be in shape to play Division One With the initial investment of say, Kennedy and start telling the media to bring .Submitted for your approval is this four basketball? $50,000 for a blue-chipper and $25,000 for a on Georgetown, even though you know your phase plan thai will make Fordham a basket- Kennedy: No,.. I don't care if you're 400 scrub, think of the dividends it would pay. next game would be against Rider. ball power. And it might even help bring Vice- pounds. You're my man. Besides, with our Money makes money. President George Bush to Rose Hill. He's the schedule, you don'l have to be in shape. We One appearance on NBC and one on CBS So there it is—four steps lo national guy who won. play St. Leo's, Marist, Duquesne, and Mon- would allow Fordham to break even. And if prominence. With a little cheating and lying, PHASK ONE: Reduce Academic mouth. My son Wally could play against we buy enough thoroughbreds to take us to Fordham can be a respectable school again. Requirements For Good Athletes them. the Final Four, throw in another $737,900. We're all sick of watching lona laugh in 1 call this the Chris Washburn Plan. Thai's what recruiting basically is—the Add huge alumni donations and increased our faces. We're sick of losing first round Nil Currently, Fordham adheres to this nonsense three P's. Paying, Pampering, and tickets sales and within two years, we could games. that athletes should have lo pass the same ad- Prevaricating. Enough with the Digger Phelps hire back all the professors we originally can- All it takes is that initial investment. Hard missions requirements as real people. Imagine ethics. Our coaches have to slart lying. ned. work won't make a Christie Brinkley out of an that—actually expecting athletes lo have to Promise the recruit he'll start. Promise him PHASE FOUR: Coaching Changes ugly girl. Likewise, it won't make a winner oui think about schoolwork instead of more im- he'll be an All-American by sophomore year. Coach Tenders is always talking about of a loser. portanl things, like juking some homeboy And promise him big bucks, which brings us Indiana psycho coach Bob Knight; it's time he Money creates winners. Then, it won't be fora"j". to... siarled coaching like him. Start by throwing St. John's on the front page of The Sew Ymh Fordham should accept no hoopster with PHASE THREE: Fire Professors, Hire something. Times. It will be Fordham. It will be Fordbam combined SAT scores over 8(X). Thai will Hoopslvrs Since Fordham uses heavy steel benches on the cover of Sports 11 Ins tinted. It will h' assure a belter brand of athlete. If a player has We wouldn't have to fire a lot of them. instead of chairs, Penders should throw Fordham students, administrators, and earned good grades in high school, how much Figure on firing one professor from each assistant coach Ed Sands on the court. Sands faculty wearing glittering million dollar grins. time could he have really spent on his jump department. For each one fired, we could hire is compact, lightweight, and longs to prove All for a few, lousy bucks. Football Star Quits Parrotta Staying by Jimmy Olsen In a stunning development which rocked was hoping to make the playoffs this year and next year then try for a real coaching It's official. At a hastily called press con- the world of Division III football, star For- ference al Madison Square Garden's Hall of dham running back Fred "Chip" Kron has position." Kron's departure from the club was in no Fame Club, Ram freshman forward Tom quit the gridiron and hooked up with the Parrotta announced he will not be declaring Rugby Rains. way related to his feelings for Tulein. hardship and going to the NBA. Kron, following in the footsteps of a "1 love him," said Kron, as he put away number of athletes who have traveled a similar his comb and mirror fora millisecond. "He's Head coach Tom Pcnders was esctatic, route, was definite about his decision. been like a father lo me. It wasn't his fault." but he revealed that he tried not to discourage "1 just don'l want to stay home on a "I'd have to blame it on the ad- Parrotta from accepting what would have ministration. They don't give the team finan- Friday night to rest for the game," it-marked been a lucrative contract. cial support. At least with the rugby team we "I talked with Bobby (Knight) and Dean the nation's fifth-leading rusher in a press get free kegs and dirty uniforms." conference from Clarke's Bar on Fordham Kron was also enamoured with the rugby (Smith) about it," Penders explained. "They Road. "1 like the fact thai half the rugby team team's schedule. told me that if Tommy got injured, he'd miss is stewed fora game. It takes a real athlete to "These guys travel all over the world to out on all that money. Hut I'm overjoyed that play with a hangover." lose against little kids," staled Kron. "That is he's staying." And il is going to lake Fordham head awesome. The onlv place they ever sent us was Among the disappointed masses were coach O'Neal Tulein a long lime to find a to Buffalo lo play Canisius. Did you ever try New York Knicks coach Hubie Brown and and party in Buffalo?" Knicks General Manager Dave DeBusschere. running back wilh the talent to replace Kron. Kron is sun unceiiain aooui vvnat "This is a real setback," said Tulein, as position he will play when Fordham takes to The Knicks planned to make Parrotta their he removed his glasses to wipe away a tear. "I Murphy Field. first round draft pick. "I m not really sure what the positions "Parrotta's got all the tools," Brown are," Kron admitted. "Hut 1 don't think that fumed, "and 1 can't understand his decision. matters. The rest of the learn isn't sure about Penders probably conned him into staying. where they're pjaying either." "I like the fact that The reception to Kron's arrival was not as Realistically, what docs Parrotta have left to rosy as expected. prove at the collegiate level?" half the rugby team "He s going to have to earn his spot on DeBusschere added, "He's just the this club," explained veteran rugger John power forward we've been looking for. Now gets stewed for a Wendel. "We don't take just anyone on this we'll have to settle for that guy from team. You have lo he able to spin vour head Tom Parrot til game it takes a real on a stool and sing gross songs, and you have Oklahoma... what's his name, Tisdale? expensive." lo be a real man." Parrotta admitted the decision was a dif- Superscout Floward tiatlmki athlete to play with a Kron is ready to slrul his stuff and prove ficult one, especially considering his family Parrotla is ready for the pro's righi m>« his manhood. could have used the money. "Parrolta's a skywalker and a hangover." "I truly believe that I can put Fordham "It's not easy living in Westchester," Ul rugby on the map," Kron revealed. "I did it ballhandler for a big man," asserted Parrotta. "My mother wanted to remarked. "He's a lot like Darryl I'•'» - Chip Kron foi football and there is no reason why I can't trade in her BMW for a Cadillac, but she has do il for rugby as well." the same age, but Parrotla ^ "" got to pay my brother's tuition. Yale is.pretty ^'.'inm il up. liniitlaling."