Winner of Mirror/NUS Student Newspaper of the Year 2005 Summer Term Week Five Tuesday 23rd May 06 www.nouse.co.uk NOUSE Estd 1964 University call time for campus bars Results of ‘Save The Bars’ campaign revealed: find out where you’ll be able to drink on campus next year Page 3 Students to graduate without degree class as boycott continues

By Daniel Whitehead uation ceremonies is proceeding as Students are kicking off big style.” NEWS EDITOR normal. The decision made by the “I deeply regret any anxiety Senate on Tuesday means that it is YORK UNIVERSITY last week which students experience as a following universities such as Keele announced plans to award stu- result of the action. My primary in awarding incomplete degrees to dents’ degrees that are incomplete objective during this period is to their students. A published docu- as a result of work not being ensure that all students can com- ment, which outlined the plans for marked or set, after the Association plete examinations and assess- how degrees will be awarded, stat- of University Teachers (AUT) ments, that final years can graduate ed that the situation was “deeply assessment boycott continued into and others can progress on to the regrettable. its third month. next phase of their studies.” “The situation has become The announcement comes as However, AUT members have more acute and there is a signifi- concerns heighten in universities reacted angrily to the decision, and cant risk that some assessments throughout the UK over the voted unanimously on Thursday to will not be completed and/or chances of examinations being continue the boycott. Dr John marked”. 10% of York undergradu- marked in time for final-year stu- Thornton of the Department of ates are set to be affected if the dents to graduate this summer, Electronics called the verdict a “dis- industrial action continues. with the University of York admit- grace”, adding that he thought An email from the Politics ting this week that 10% of its stu- there was a “much better solution” department to its students empha- dents will be affected by the dis- from achieving a proper pay deal. sised the concerns of several pute. Other members thought that by departments within the university The contingency plans, which allowing students to graduate with- and stated that there is a possibility were passed by York University out completing their degree would of exams being postponed until Senate on Tuesday 16th May, prom- mean the “dumbing down” of next academic year if the dispute is ise to “safeguard academic stan- degrees and would be “very bad for to continue throughout the sum- dards while giving priority to stu- the university”. mer term. A second-year Politics dents interests” by ensuring stu- In a recent press statement, undergraduate, who wished to dents graduate even when they Simon Parker, Vice-President of remain anonymous, said he was cannot sit their exams or have them the York AUT called the decision “deeply worried” by having to sit marked. “concerning”, adding “it is a sad day even more exams in his final year, This will involve students who when the University of York, which adding “this is just added pressure have work missing as a result of justly enjoys a reputation for the which we don’t need, the dispute examinations not being set or quality of its degrees, is prepared to needs to be resolved immediately.” marked still being able to receive harm the reputation and devalue Meanwhile at Manchester their degree on their scheduled the currency of its students.” University some students are being graduation day if at least 7/8ths of However Sue Hardman, University forced to attend exams even though the work is already marked. Academic Registrar, has said that exam papers have not been set as a Students who have less than the the University is “safeguarding aca- requirement for them to pass the required amount will be forced to demic standards and its excellent module. wait until the end of industrial reputation”. Nationally the likelihood of a action before their work can be The move has been supported settlement was reduced last week marked or they can sit exams. by YUSU, which became one of sev- with the University and Colleges However Brian Cantor, York eral SU’s nationwide to criticise the Employers Association’s (UCEA) Vice-Chancellor, said he expected AUT’s methods in negotiations new offer of 12.6% being rejected scheduled exams to go ahead as with employers. SU President unanimously by national AUT rep- advertised. “Students will be Micky Armstrong called the deci- resentatives who called the offer informed by their departmental sion “the best of a bad situation. “unacceptable” and said that “only a offices if there are any changes to “The University is in a very credible offer would be put to the scheduled examinations and awkward position which is the full membership for acceptance.” assessments and planning for grad- result of the AUT’s actions. See page 4-5 for full report Some exams have started to be cancelled. Photo: Ally Carmichael Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 2 News Snappy Snaps 23rd May 2006 Student outrage at arms shares

By Toby Green of the company. In October Payroll and Pensions EDITOR 2005 Nouse first revealed Manager of the University, THE PEOPLE and Planet that York had 115,000 shares confirmed that the shares in Society has hit out over the in BAE after the information BAE were not brought University’s continued was revealed through the through Schroders. investment in BAE Systems, Freedom of Information Act, Lander has reiterated the third largest arms and York Vision has since the need for the University to exporter in the world. joined the campaign against set its own ethical policy Ric Lander, the Chair of the investments. regarding shares. “The the York Student group, said Since the issue was first University's decision to that the University’s policy is brought to light, the default to Scroder's policy a “complete misnomer” and University has brought over shows a lack of interest and has continued to call for the 30,000 more shares in direct understanding of the issue.” Vice-Chancellor to pull out holdings in the company, He has also stated the which was the result of a need for students to show 1999 merger between British that it is an issue they care Aerospace plc and Marconi, about, and has praised Micky an American-based electron- Armstrong, and the SU for ics company. The University its continued interest. He has previously claimed that it said “I believe a strong show- subjects itself to the ethical ing of student support is policy of the investors needed to make the Schroders plc, through University understand how which it holds over £5 mil- important this issue really is. lion worth of shares in GKN, “I find it difficult to who are involved in automo- understand that Brian tive and aerospace engineer- Cantor knows nothing of this ing. However in an email issue when it has been raised seen by Nouse that was sent in both student papers and to The People and Planet through the Unions proper The UK based BAE Systems plc is the world’s third largest defence contractor Nouse, October 2005 Society, Bill Hemingway, the channels.” Goodricke ignores University’s Fairtrade stance with Nestlé event sponsorship deal

By Robin Seaton and the event. Rob Wilson, another Union policy. The Ethical Corporation, the Biscuit, a good thing, it’s always good Kate Smith Nestlé are traditionally Goodricke Ents Rep, said Investment Policy, passed Cake, Chocolate and to explore other options. unpopular on university “Our job is to put on the best last December, stated that Confectionery Association, Many people have worked GOODRICKE COLLEGE’S campuses due to their partic- events we can, with severely the SU would “lobby the and Phil Wells, the former very hard to achieve York’s flagship event, ‘Playboy ularly controversial methods limited resources, not to University to adopt an ethi- director of the Fairtrade Fairtrade University status, Mansion’, is to be sponsored in the 1980s in marketing uphold ethical stances. cal investment policy”. The Foundation. During the and accepting sponsorship by international food giant baby milk formula in the Everyone happily queues up SU has previously been sup- debate, Nestlé’s representa- from a company with a repu- Nestlé, whose Rowntree divi- Third World. to get a Kit-Kat Chunky from portive of the Make Poverty tive was closely questioned tation such as Nestlé’s under- sion is based in York. Their activites provoked the numerous vending History campaign and at one by students about the com- mines this good work”. The event, which will outrage in many quarters, machines between lectures. point resolved to “refuse pany’s commitment to Fairtrade chocolate was take place on Friday week and led to a boycott that is We’re not even giving Nestlé publicity to Coca-Cola, in our Fairtrade, following the provided at a previous five, is being billed as still supported in over 20 any money. It’s just some free publications, at Student introduction of their Goodricke college event by ‘Playboy Mansion: Chocolate countries. chocolate”. Union events, and in our Fairtrade range. the SU, and Bird said that Encore’ with the Nestlé logo Andreas Masoura, one The position taken by buildings”, although this has Molly Bird, the former she believed “the (new) appearing on promotional of Goodricke College’s Goodricke in looking for now been revoked. SU Environment Officer, Environment Officers would material for the event. In Entertainments sponsorship from a company Th!nk Week 2005 saw a commented “Whilst I under- be willing to consider doing a exchange, Nestlé has given Representatives, said “Nestlé such as Nestlé can be inter- vigorous debate take place in stand that Goodricke have similar thing in the future”. Goodricke 800 bars of were keen to emphasise that preted as contradictory in Vanbrugh between represen- done this to beef the popu- Nestlé were unable to chocolate for distribution at this is a goodwill gesture”. the light of current Students’ tatives of the Nestlé larity of their event, which is comment.

23rd May 2006 MANAGING DIRECTOR: ARTS DEPUTY: CHIEF COLUMNIST: Inside this issue www.nouse.co.uk NOUSE Jonathan McCarthy Kirran Shah Rebecca Gower SUBEDITOR: FEATURES EDITOR: SCIENCE COLUMNIST: News 1-7 Grimston House (V/X/010) Jamie Merrill Nan Flory Luke Boulter Vanbrugh College Comment 8-9 University of York NEWS EDITOR: FEATURES DEPUTY: B & R EDITOR: Heslington Dan Whitehead Jo Shelley Vicky Hallam Politics 10-11 York NEWS DEPUTY: MUSIC EDITOR: B & R DEPUTY: Letters 12 YO10 5DD Heidi Blake Robin Seaton Lucy Peden POLITICS EDITORS: MUSIC DEPUTY: SPORTS EDITOR: Sport 13-16 Tel: 01904 434425 Adam Sloan Jenni Marsh Sam Cartwright Email: [email protected] Claire Yeo FILM EDITOR: SPORTS DEPUTY: New York M2-M3 POLITICS DEPUTY: Tom King Simon Lickley EDITOR: Michelle Norfolk Toby Green FILM DEPUTY: WEB EDITOR: The joys of drinking M4-M5 COMMENT EDITORS: Dan Kipling Emma Gawen DEPUTY EDITORS: Charlotta Salmi Campus celebrity M10-M11 Ellen Carpenter Julian Hammerton LAST WORD EDITOR: STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS: Kate Smith Andreas Masoura Georgi Mabee New student writers M14 Scared of a bit of fruit MUSE EDITOR: Toby Hall PRODUCTION MANAGER: Hannah Burnham LISTINGS EDITOR: and veg? Find out how Lauren Carter Lauren Mendes The opinions expressed in Reviews M15-M18 ARTS EDITORS: this publication are not to follow a meat-free ADVERTISING MANAGER: Heloise Wood CARTOONIST: necessarily those of the The last word M19 Rob Perkins Holly Williams Chris Hallam student life M12 editors,writers or advertisers NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by 23rd May 2006 Snappy Snaps News 3 Campus bar closures confirmed

By Jamie Merrill and of almost £80,000 over the Armstrong has said “the Kate Smith same period. The report also University had been plan- shows that Commercial ning to completely close DESPITE THE 'Save our Services hope to save around Alcuin, Langwith and Bars' campaign, £18,000 by restricting bar Wentworth bars… we've Commercial Services are opening times. managed to save the service proceeding with planned The University first provision in every college. I closures of campus bars next announced plans to close think it's a huge success”. academic year. campus bars at the end of Thwaites-McGowan A leaked report entitled February as part of a said “A lot of our wins are ‘Bar Closures - An update University-wide effort to not extra nights, we got our from the Students' Union’ counter its financial deficit wins in that the University sets out the University's of over £3 million. Andy are not closing four bars. plans to restrict Langwith, Summers, the University They are not restricting bar Alcuin and Wentworth bars' Bar and Licensing Manager, opening this term, and our opening hours to only two originally presented the biggest win is that they're nights a week. JJ's is set to University’s plans to close all talking to us properly”. open four nights a week, but three bars in confiden- Alcuin, the most unprof- with only Derwent, tial meetings with Micky itable bar, made a loss of Goodricke and Vanbrugh Armstrong, SU President. £6,000 in the last two facing minimal or no At the time Armstrong com- terms. The SU see the fact changes to their opening. plained that he had experi- that Alcuin and Langwith David Garner, the enced “quite a lot of resist- are staying open on nights University Press Officer, has ance” from Commercial when they have consistently been unable to confirm the Services. failed to break even as a exact configuration of bar The ensuing 'Save our major victory. opening hours next term, as Bars' campaign, which Despite these successes, “Some details of these [clo- involved a week long 'bar- Goodricke bar is set to close sures] are still under discus- cott', has been declared on Sunday nights. Matt sion”. Nat Thwaites- “very successful” by the SU. Burton, Goodricke JCR McGowan, the SU Services During the boycott, all but Chair, has expressed his and Finance Officer, has two bars were closed by the “disappointment” that serv- confirmed, however, that the University. Over two thou- ice provision is still being SU report is correct and that sand signatures were col- reduced despite Commercial the bar closures will take lected in a petition and the Services' figures showing effect from October. SU urged students to 'Use It that the bar made a profit on The SU report contains or Lose It' and pack out Sunday nights over the financial figures which campus bars in the week fol- autumn and spring terms. reveal that Langwith, Alcuin lowing the barcott. All seven campus bars and Wentworth bars made The adoption of Model will open every night of combined losses of nearly 29+, which leaves 29 bar week one during Freshers’ £14,000 over the autumn nights open per week, is Fortnight, bar closures will and spring terms. However, being seen as a victory by take effect from week two in all seven bars made a profit the SU despite the closures. Langwith and Alcuin.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Derwent bar faces only one night of closure from next term; other Vanbrugh open open open open open open open bars’ opening hours will be greatly reduced. Derwent open open open open open open closed Photo: Georgie Mabee Goodricke open open open open open open closed ’It’s difficult being Halifax closed closed closed open open open open a classic eco Alcuin closed closed closed open open closed closed warrior; I’m just trying to be the Langwith closed closed closed closed open open closed best I can be’ Living green Wentworth closed closed closed open open closed closed P.6

Anne-Marie Canning, tinue opening on only those the James College Chair, said nights “that make a financial that “the university adminis- contribution”, with the Anger at lack of ‘dialogue’ tration have handled this sit- exception of nights in Alcuin uation with a chronic lack of and Langwith. By Nick Dingwall by several college JCRC ing attended by the has infuriated college chairs understanding and negotia- In response, Matt NEWS CORRESPONDENT chairs who have complained University and student rep- who felt they weren’t given tion”, while Tom Stratton, Burton, the Goodricke Chair, that the Commercial resentatives was the first that an opportunity to defend the Alcuin Chair, com- said “I feel that Commercial STUDENTS UNION Services have refused to con- JCRC chairs had been invit- their bars. Sam Bayley, the plained that they “treat us Services have been running Services officer, Nat- sult with them. ed to. In it, the opening Halifax College Students’ like little kids that have to be circles around the Students’ Thwaites McGowan’s asser- Micky Macefield, the times for next term were pre- Association President, said placated, but at the end of Union”. Bayley said “I cannot tion that “dialogue” estab- Vanbrugh Chair, accused the sented and Andy Summers, “As I see it, the plan I have in the day do what they had stand by while [the SU] lished with the University SU of “leading everybody to the University Bars and front of me is exactly the always intended to do.” agrees to bar closures on this was the ultimate success of believe that closures were Licensing Manager, said he same as the one put forward The SUs report details scale” and threatened “a the “Save our Bars” cam- negotiable.” was not willing to negotiate. by the University a couple of their acceptance of the bloody good fight” before he paign has been contradicted On Wednesday, a meet- The finality of the news months ago.” University’s proposal to con- would concede defeat. Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 4 News Snappy Snaps 23rd May 2006 Sides clash over AUT strike

of the members of Free- By Daniel Whitehead Education, an organisation NEWS EDITOR that supports the AUT and National Union of Students PRESSURE IS mounting on (NUS) in their campaign to the Association of University increase lecturers’ pay. The Teachers (AUT) and organisation argues that lec- University and Colleges turers are being “exploited” Employers Association’s by their employers and that (UCEA) to resolve the ongo- since students are members ing dispute involving of a union we should be sup- University lecturers’ pay, porting union solidarity. which is threatening hun- Wood criticised the dreds of students’ degrees in employers for being York, and thousands of “extremely hypocritical” in undergraduates nationwide. their actions, adding that As final year graduation York University has “taken dates approach, the past the sting out of the boycott” fortnight has seen several by allowing incomplete attempts by external groups degrees to be awarded to to solve the dispute through final year students. On the protests, meetings and dis- subject of YUSU’s recent cussions. A rally was held on withdrawal from the NUS’s Friday at Liverpool support of the boycott, Wood University by students from emphasised the importance across the country in protest of gathering signatures from of the action the AUT is tak- York students in order to ing, under the slogan ‘We “show that YUSU does not Are Not Pawns’. represent the whole of York”. The rally is part of a He has also accused YUSU of much larger campaign run supporting the lecturers’ pay by Paul Freeman-Powell, a claim but not allowing them Members of the AUT at student from the University the “right do anything about York last week attended of Liverpool, who has started it”. a meeting to discuss the a petition for lecturers to The government has Lecturers face pay back down over their pay dis- now stepped in on a national dispute pute. The petition, which has scale in an effort to resolve By Daniel Whitehead NATFE in Northumbria said dispute we believe there is an been signed by several York the dispute. The Education NEWS EDITOR that members were still in obligation on us to do every- students and over 3000 oth- Select Committee, an organi- ‘It seems to me THIRTY UNIVERSITIES full support of the strike thing we reasonably can to ers across the country, has sation linked to the across the UK are set to dock despite having all of their pay bring the dispute at received widespread national Commons, called in mem- that YUSU is lecturers’ pay for refusal to docked. Huddersfield to an end”. media coverage with the bers of the AUT and UCEA set and mark examinations. Other universities, The docking of pay Guardian, Times Education last Wednesday in an guilty of short- Northumbria University including Essex and comes after NATHFE and supplement and the BBC all attempt to re-open negotia- were one of the first to begin Huddersfield have also taken AUT members refused to running stories on the cam- tions. However, progress was sightedness’ the capping of salaries just action although York mark exams until their 23% paign since the latest pay stagnant as both parties over a fortnight ago; and the University is yet to. In a pay increase is met by uni- offer was rejected. refused to budge, with situation has led to a full- recent interview, John versity employers. The AUT However some students employers claiming that fur- Comment P.9 scale walk-out from lectures’ Tarrant the vice-chancellor have also taken the action a have also shown their sup- ther increases on their 12.6% within the institution that of Huddersfield University step further by refusing to set port for the lecturers. York offer would result in the loss condemn their actions. said “as there appears to be exams, leading to the chance graduate Mike Wood is one of jobs. Martin Levy chariman of no solution to the national of up to 300,000 students Croker’s policy proposals cause concerns among Students’ Union Liberation Officers

By Daniel Whitehead there is great need to main- eration officers about the National Union of Students NEWS EDITOR tain their current status as proposed plans is that cur- play in the running of the members of both Executive rent members of the SU do Students’ Union. and Senate committees. not understand the role they This comes after rela- SU PRESIDENT elect Rich LGBT officer for 2006/07, play. tions between the two organ- Croker has been condemned Rose Rickford added that Erin McAlister, recently isations were brought into by liberation officers, who she didn’t believe he felt that elected SU Woman’s Officer question by the SU’s recent threatened to resign if his women are discriminated said “there is a big issue withdrawal of support of the plans to degrade their posts against. regarding the understanding AUT strike. once he takes charge at the Grace Fletcher-Hall, of the liberation officers Croker said “the NUS end of the present academic current SU Women’s officer, within the SU. It is very conference [he recently year were implemented. who had resigned earlier in important to have someone attended] was highly politi- Croker has said “I the year in protest of the pro- representing you at a higher cised and was not represen- believe there is no need for a posed constitution explained level”. tative of student bodies LGBT nor Women’s Officer” that even though she has had Of Croker she said “he across the country” com- within the Executive; the discussions with Croker at doesn’t want anyone disad- menting that he doesn’t committee which controls Croker plans to change the role of liberation officers the recent NUS regional con- vantaged to have a vote,” con- believe in politics in the SU. the day-to-day running of Students’ Union”, he felt they Since Croker’s com- ference and admitted the cluding “ultimately its about However, he was keen to the Union. could achieve this by only ments, liberation officers of issue had been taken out of representation”. stress the changes of a sug- He added that although being constitutionally recog- the current year and next context she still believes Croker has also caused a gested disaffiliation from the he said the roles were “essen- nised in Senate, the SU’s year have reacted angrily to there is a “problem” stir after he revealed plans to body was unlikely during his tial to the running of the chief governing body. the proposal arguing that The argument from lib- review the role that the tenure. NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by 23rd May 2006 Snappy Snaps News 5 NUS face continued opposition

By Daniel Whitehead has consistently refused to Kat Fletcher, stating their NEWS EDITOR listen to those students’ opposition to the Union’s unions whose opinion aren’t position. YUSU have pub- THE NATIONAL UNION of in line with their own. The licly stated that they are Students is receiving students’ union of the future unwilling to take any more renewed threats from will need a safeguard to pre- action without the full sup- Students’ Unions across the vent this happening again so port of York students. Union UK that they will withdraw we are urging students’ President, Micky Armstrong, from its support of the exam- unions to debate keeping added that although it is inations boycott. back half their affiliation fee within his constitutional Students’ Unions, next year and as a group power to withhold fees it was including those of Exeter decide what should and not a decision he was willing and Bristol Universities, shouldn’t be discussed at to make without balloting his have threatened the NUS conference and pay accord- full membership. that they will withhold affili- ingly”. NUS have argued that ation fees, which are critical Gaston Dolle, president Students’ Unions would not to the financial support of of Bristol’s Students’ Union be able to withhold fees the Union, if they continue to called for “an active NUS without a referendum of support the action being leadership to ensure that stu- their membership, but there taken by AUT and NATHFE dents can revise for and sit have been increasing signs of members. exams and ultimately end up the weakening of its support Students’ Guild graduating,” adding that the for the boycott in recent President of Exeter time of “blinkered trade weeks. On 9th May the University, Alain Desmier union solidarity has passed”. Union stated that despite said “We want NUS to be an The NUS reacted angri- still supporting the lecturers’ effective fighting force for all ly towards the suggestions call for better pay it “opposed students not just those on being made, with a the AUT’s decision not to set the far left of the political spokesperson commenting, exams as it is having a great spectrum”. “it is interesting to note that impact on many students.” He added, “The NUS Bristol held a referendum Speaking after an emer- two months ago and 80% of gency AUT council meeting students voted to stay in the held in Scarborough on 11th NUS”. May, Fletcher added “the dock Anger towards the boy- continuing stance [of the cott has been building across AUT] is extremely concern- the country. Last week the ing for our members and we being affected this summer. Students’ Union President of will continue to make the Last Friday, chances of a the University of AUT aware of the conse- national pay agreement Aberystwyth, Rebecca Corn, quences of this policy.” became less likely after Vice- resigned from her position After originally insisting Chancellors ruled out any saying that the dispute has that the boycott should be improve offer on their cur- caused “the biggest disrup- supported by its members, rent 12.6% over 3 years. tion to students’ lives and Fletcher said “The most UCEA Chairman, Geoffrey futures that I can imagine.” important thing for our Copland said “our members Although not taking members now is for the dis- are clear they cannot go such an extreme position as pute to be settled. beyond this offer”. other unions, York “The refusal to set AUT officials still dis- University Students’ Union is exams is having the biggest agree saying they are only one of 30 students’ unions impact on students at this asking for what was prom- who last month signed a let- time, which is why we have ised. ter sent to NUS President, always opposed it”. Kat Fletcher has led the NUS in supporting the AUT’s continued exam boycott Hindson succeeds at second election attempt as ‘06 SU team is completed By Heidi Blake source of contention this rent SU Services Officer, as did not wish to be named, to get involved with YUSU at DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR year, will be filled by Erin the SU website was down for said: “I think we should give any level. McAlister & Amy Burge, who the first two days of voting. the SU a chance with this “Societies, as one of the THE REMAINING six SU won with a margin of 306 To compensate for this, vot- sort of thing. They do their best ways to get involved, Officers have been elected to votes. Grace Fletcher Hall, ing was closed at midnight, best, and of course there are need the levels of support their positions on the York the divisive outgoing as opposed to 2pm, on going to be teething prob- that other groups receive and Students’ Union of 2006- Women’s Officer, and Matt Friday. lems with any new system. I believe that I can use my 2007, after 697 students Balding have been elected Of this, Alcuin student It’s entirely natural, and the achievements and experi- voted online last week. next year’s Policy and Francesca Archer-Todde SU get too much flack as it ence to help facilitate this.” The six positions up for Campaigns Officers. said: “It’s ridiculous. This is is.” Ben Wales Griffiths, election included two sab- While Caren Onanda & yet another example of The 697 students who newly elected next year’s batical posts: Student Buckky Ojo will fill the post something new-fangled and chose to vote constituted just Societies and Development and Charities, of Racial Equality Officer. fancy failing to deliver a serv- 7% of the student popula- Communications Officer, has won by Ben Griffiths with a Clare Hawley & Charlotte ice adequately. It’s just like tion. Of these, 26 spoiled promised, among other margin of 13 votes; and Bonner are the new the new buses. Why can’t their ballot papers. things, a Volunteer Discount Societies and Environment and Ethics they just keep the old sys- Next year’s newly elect- Colin Hindson was elected Card with rewards for volun- Communications Officer, Officers. tems in place? At least they ed Societies and teer hours and money raised; won by Colin Hindson with a The result comes after work!” Communications Officer, students of this university increased sponsorship for margin of 175 votes. flaws were revealed in the However, some students Colin Hindson, has declared feel a part of.” events, and five kids’ camps The post of Women’s Online Voting system once were quick to defend the SU. his intention to: “make the “Whatever their interest through the year “to satisfy Officer, which has been a more, pioneered by the cur- One Halifax student, who SU an organisation that the students should find it east demand.” Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 6 News Snappy Snaps 23rd May 2006 It’s not easy being green By Heidi Blake DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR “spit-roast party” held to cel- house is insulated with recy- to be the best I can be. I ebrate the end of the series, cled textiles, and heated might fall down in some NO ONE COULD accuse and the other was “turned through a ventilation system areas [he gestures at the James Strawbridge of being into salamis, chorizos and using hot air from wood packet of Marlborough Red] a typical student. Alongside sausages.” He described the burning stoves. but I promise you I’m aim- completing his History process of helping to slaugh- James describes the ing to be a good person, and degree at York, he has been ter the pigs with his bare reality of seeing himself on that’s what counts.” heavily occupied with his hands as “traumatic”. television as “pretty weird” James describes the family’s BBC televised proj- “It was horrible butch- and relates tales of being process of trying to live in an ect “It’s Not Easy Being ery. It made me think a lot stopped in the street and environmentally friendly Green” which has involved, more about eating meat. sent propositioning emails way as a student as “really among other things, produc- Pigs when they die are a bit by female fans, one of whom difficult”, though he claims ing diesel out of chip fat, like chickens: they don’t offered her services as “a “everyone’s been great about slaughtering pigs with his stop moving straight away. A beautiful, experienced older it”. He tells tales of large bare hands, and being pig’s a powerful animal, so woman.” At this point, a summer gatherings of his propositioned by older they were kicking and stuff. friend at the next table starts friends at the house in women via email. And you have to bleed them inexplicably chanting Cornwall, at which “we get In an exclusive inter- to get the blood for black “pantyhose”, but is silenced up very early with hangovers view on Sunday with Nouse, pudding and stop the heart by James, who blushingly and start digging in the gar- he explained: “My family’s from pumping. I was up in refuses to elaborate on the den and building things. always tried to be green, but the tractor with it hanging matter. Then we have nice healthy we moved around a lot. We down, and it was disgusting. While James is in York, lunches from the garden, had goats and chickens and It was pretty brutal.” he continues to try to live and then get pissed in the things like that, but my The Strawbridges then sustainably. He grows his evening. It’s a really relaxed mum and dad decided that set about establishing their own garlic, basil, lettuce and atmosphere.” they wanted to take it to a own power supply, involving onions in the garden of his Despite the wide range bigger level.” aqueduct, a watermill and a student house, and is plan- of friends he has apparently That “bigger level”, for homemade generator, which ning to use the proceeds acquired at York, James the Strawbridges, involved now powers all the lights in from the sale of his car to does not reflect on his time moving to Tywardreath on the house. They recently “buy a horse and build a here fondly. “I hate York. It’s the South coast of Cornwall, installed a wind-turbine to gypsy carriage with a solar a shit-hole. Students are to a derelict, roofless house provide the electricity to powered shower in the lazy…and York’s pretty dull. previously inhabited by gyp- power household appliances back.” His dissertation was It’s quite boring. On an envi- sies, and undertaking an such as the washing entitled “Green is the New ronmental front it’s bad too, entirely sustainable lifestyle. machine. Black”, and focused on the which pisses me off a little On arriving at their They run their cars on historic relationship of bit. And I haven’t liked my new home, the Strawbridges the diesel they produce by Native American Indians course – it’s a little bit tradi- were initially preoccupied putting fat from the local with the environment. tional, a bit conventional. with repairs: installing run- chip shop through a small When, apropos of the But I’ve made good friends, ning water; planting vegeta- bio diesel reactor; a system twenty-pack of I’m not slagging it off com- bles, and signing up with the which James describes as Marlborough Reds before pletely.” sustainable energy firm, being “completely efficient, him on the table, I ask him When he finishes his Ecotricity. Their next step apart from a little chippie how he feels about the eco- degree at York at the end of was to purchase some live- smell in one of the cars.” logical footprint of the this term, he plans to move stock. Their first buy was a They built a compost- tobacco industry, he grins back down to Cornwall with set of “rescue chickens” from ing lavatory, which retains and replies “That’s the great his newly built, horse-driven the local battery farm; their human waste for a year, thing: being a contradiction. gypsy caravan and get second were a pair of pigs, after which it can be recy- I love it. Yeah, I smoke involved in the ongoing which were reared for meat, cled to fertilise fruit trees. Marlborough reds, and filming of the second series, because: “buying bacon in James claims that this lava- they’re bad for the environ- for which the family are little plastic wrapped things tory is “very clean and nice ment. But I also build water planning to build a “reed from Costcutter is just shit and doesn’t smell.” mills and windmills. I’ve bedded swimming pool” and really.” The pigs were even- In order to avoid the bought t-shirts in gap, but I a pair of Mongolian Yurts. tually killed before New “massive environmental wear hemp trousers. It’s When asked what else the Year’s Eve 2005, with the aid cost” of using mains water, really really difficult to be a new series might entail, of what James described as the family pipe spring water classic ecowarrior. I’m not James replies: “I really don’t “the local slaughter man.” into their house, heated with going to try and be some- know, that’s the great thing. One was consumed at a James Strawbridge during the filming of the series solar thermal tubing. The thing I’m not, I’m just trying Anything could happen.” York leads technological advance URY set to hit

By Daniel Whitehead use of transistors which are Professor Andy Tyrell, who the project was “looking to nation’s airwaves NEWS EDITOR 80,000 times smaller than a has been given the task of the future and answering a hair’s breadth. Such providing statistical models real-world problem”, adding By Daniel Whitehead 29 May in the slot usually YORK UNIVERSITY has research is being done in for the new devices. that he felt it was a “really NEWS EDITOR taken by JK & Joel. been awarded part of a £5.3 order to keep in line with the Professor Tyrell said that funky project” calling it URY, the oldest inde- million grant to fund relentless advancements of “very exciting” UNIVERSITY RADIO York pendent radio broadcaster research into the next gener- technology, which have Professor Alan Murray is to be broadcast on nation- in the country, is renowned ation of electronic gadgets. overtaken the physical abili- who is project coordinator al BBC Radio 1 over the May for its wide-ranging cover- York, one of several uni- ties of circuit manufactur- between the five institutions Bank Holiday. age of music, news and versities, including Glasgow ers. The project will involve involved said in a recent The prestigious broad- events and is broadcast all Edinburgh, Manchester, the use of massive-scale press statement “the circuits cast has been awarded after over campus. and Southampton, to be part computing power to bring we currently use cannot the independent radio sta- The pioneering station of the scheme will be devel- together simulations of cir- cope” with new technology tion won Best Student began its life as a student oping ways in which gadgets cuit behaviour. developments: “they will Radio Station 2005 at the hobby in 1967 and is run of the future such as mobile The York-based team require re-design – possibly end of last year with a large fully by students promising phones and mp3 players can which works within the even complete replacement amount of members from to give “exactly what they be smaller, smarter and Electronics Department will – with circuits that have not the past and present attend- want to hear.” This includes more powerful. receive £300,000 of the yet been invented. We can’t ing the ceremony held in their popular show The project involves total grant money. The wait for silicon technology London’s Covent Garden. source@six covering a wide research into the creation of research group is being led to create viable, production- The show will be live on air range of local, national and “nanoscale” circuits, making by head of department Nano technology-based line nanoscale transistors.” from 4am-7am on Monday international news. NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by 23rd May 2006 Snappy Snaps News 7 FTR buses meet fierce criticism

By Toby Green day due to malfunctioning EDITOR problems. THE NEW FTR buses that The debacle has even attracted the attention of the have come in to serve the No. national press. Andrew 4 route through the Clark, writing in The University have come under Guardian, described the FTR fire just two weeks after its buses as “purple people- arrival onto the streets of eaters” and pointed that York. despite being twice the size, The multi-million the FTR buses only carry one pound venture by the First more passenger than their Bus Company has been the predecessors despite being subject of various teething twice the length. problems, including techni- Students have been sim- cal problems and complaints ilarly bemused by the vehi- by York residents. Rachel cles. Sam Williams, a 2nd Lacy, a resident on year student from Langwith, Heslington Road, com- said “I can't really see the plained after being trapped point of them unless the old by a door suddenly closing. “I buses were due for replace- was waiting to get off the ment. back of the bus, while other “It seems to take longer people were getting off at the to get on the buses than front. before, although this might "But when I stepped speed up though once people through the doors, it shut on get used to them, and the me and trapped my shoul- seats near the back are pretty ders inside with quite strong uncomfortable. However I pressure, before opening am very impressed by the again.” very futuristic buzzer.” First Bus Company were The City Council has also forced to drop fares for a continued to defended the weekend after passengers buses, and Council member, strugged to cope with the Bill Woolley, said “The ftr malfunctioning ticket offers a unique opportunity machines, which are special- in York to move the quality ly designed to not give public transport provision to change in an attempt to a new level. speed up the boarding “It will ensure our phe- process. nomenal success in growing Two buses were also public transport usage con- taken off the road on the first tinues.” The First Bus Company and York City Council have repeatedly defended the new buses. Photo: Ally Carmichael Students forced Budget cuts mean rooms to work for fees to be cleaned fortnightly By Heidi Blake sity applications for the 2006 DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR intake; the first such drop for By Heidi Blake tiations alongside President Thwaites McGowan £0.45 short of the £79.35 six years. The National DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR Micky Armstrong, reflected described as “funding prob- students will be charged for STUDENT DEMAND for Union of Students claim the positively on the process. He lems” in the University, fol- such rooms from next year. part-time work is soaring, introduction of top up fees is THE UNIVERSITY has con- said: “Jon’s a businessman. lowing a projected budgetary This still represents a 9% following the introduction of preventing fair and equal firmed that Room Cleaning We both knew our positions, shortfall of £3 million. increase from the £72.80 top-up fees up to £3,000 access to higher education. is set to be cut by 50%. and we settled in the middle. Thwaites McGowan they are currently paying. from the start of the next Alan Johnson, the After protracted negoti- It was refreshing to just be claimed that Commercial One Alcuin student said academic year, a leading stu- Education Secretary, denies ations between the SU and able to sit down, department Services were “looking to cut of the rent increase: “It’s dent recruitment company that top-up-fees are having the University over a new to department, and talk costs in an area where they ridiculous. You could get an has revealed. an adverse effect on applica- Service Level Agreement, a things through without any seemed to be providing a absolutely gorgeous house in Figures from tions, dismissing the fees as decision has been reached to politics.” service that wasn’t needed.” Heslington for that kind of “Employment 4 Students” “the price of a pint.” After reduce room cleaning from The cuts to room clean- He added “Cleaning is a diffi- money. There’s just no point show a dramatic increase in graduation, a student will once a week to once a fort- ing are as the result of what cult issue: half of the stu- in staying on campus.” demand for student jobs. not start paying back fees night, and kitchen cleaning dents don’t want it; half do.” It is thought that the Chris Eccles, Managing until they are earning more to once a week, rather than One cleaner, who can- increased average cost of Director of Employment 4 than £15,000 per year. every day. not be named, said of the providing a room has risen Students, says: “top up fees Mr. Johnson has also These cuts come at a cuts: “It’s just going to make so steeply as a result of the are having a huge impact on refused to rule out an time when rents are increas- our jobs harder. Most rooms newly built accommodation university life and the cost of increase in top up fees when ing across campus by up to we go into are disgusting in Alcuin. The cost of provid- student living. As a result we the current ‘price cap’ of 9%. after a week of no cleaning. ing a single room in one of have experienced a signifi- £3,000 expires in 2010, Initially, Commercial Imagine what they’ll be like the new blocks is £31,000. cant increase in demand claiming that by then atti- Services proposed to cut after two.” The buildings have a project- from students for term time tudes to fees will have soft- room cleaning to once a When asked about the ed lifespan of 35 years. and holiday jobs.” ened from the initial hostility month. However, when the rent increases, Thwaites There will be a 5% rent There is concern that an that was experienced when SU protested that this would McGowan explained that the increase for standard and increased need for students they were proposed in 2002. be detrimental to students, economic model applied by economy rooms, from to undertake employment The University of York the two bodies entered into the university shows that the £61.88 to £64.97 for stan- could have a negative effect recommends that students negotiations. total cost of providing an en dard rooms, and from on studies. restrict part time work to less SU Services Officer Nat suite room per week, includ- £58.45 to £61.37 for UCAS has recently than 15 hours per week to Thwaites McGowan, who ing “welfare expenses” such Economy rooms. reported a decline in univer- prevent a negative impact. was at the forefront of nego- York cleaning staff as porters’ wages, is £79.80; Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 8 Comment Snappy Snaps 23rd May 2006 9

EST. 1964 York gave up on bars NOUSE Charlotta Salmi questions why the University failed to take adequate Students taking the strain measures in time to prevent the need for the impending bar closures

The University’s decision to award unfinished degrees will come as a So, the university has finalised ing less than half of what they campus, and as such the than in popular student bars relief for those students who faced not being able to graduate this sum- plans to cut opening hours of made two years ago? The University could profit from a was missing the point: no-one mer, but with it will come a new batch of problems. campus bars. As a Halifax stu- University claims that it's due to larger proportion of their stu- buys the same round in every No one can predict how employees will treat graduates qualifications that dent approaching the end of my the changing drinking habits of dents. bar they go to. Anyone who buys they know not to be completely marked, and many students from the year second year at York, I feel sorry students, but a quick look in the Not only would introducing a pint in The Nag's Head is across the country will be in a similar predicament, but degrees that have for those who will be arriving Charles will confirm that this is clearly-defined themes to the either rich enough not to care or been the product of three years or more of hard work and major financial next term. After an exciting and anything but the case. Students other bars rejuvenate them indi- stupid. Students' choices of investment will now be tainted. lively Freshers' Week they will are drinking just as much as vidually, it would also add drink are fuelled by promotions The AUT have unsurprisingly decided to continue their strike and chosen be faced with the reality that the before; they just choose to do it much-needed diversity to the and this is what makes bars in not to be swayed by the latest University response, and the rights and social life our university has to elsewhere. University's social structure as a town feel cheaper than campus. wrongs of this decision will be no consolation to the students whose edu- offer them is restricted at best. So the real reason why the whole. For instance, Wentworth The University should cation is suffering. The dispute between lecturers and their employees is With limited access to the bars campus bars are increasingly could become a cocktail bar exploit this attitude by providing a difficult situation, and with it has come a long period of resentment, they will quickly discover that failing to attract students is that while Derwent could focus on different deals in different bars. anger and misinformation from both sides. the alternatives in Heslington the University provisions are not live sports. This added variety While they may call upon the Seemingly we are no closer to a settlement, and students need to be reas- and York are more suited to offering what the students want. would encourage more societies new licensing laws to explain sured that they aren’t going to continue to be forced to suffer the conse- their needs and will soon fit The University has spent time and sports teams to use campus why this isn't possible, they have quences. their social lives around non- and money not just refurbishing rather than town for their managed to do a promotion on campus bars instead. Wouldn't the college bars but making socials, and as such the Lambrini recently. However, it be nice if it took more than a them increasingly homogenized. University could expect to see due to the unpopularity of this week for students to become With seven different bars there profits increase by far more than drink it was never going to be a disenfranchised by the services is enormous potential to create the required £50,000. success, and so the fact that they Wanted: an ethical policy provided for them by the a varied social scene that could If the prospect of a campus- sold so few bottles doesn't sug- University? rival the allure of town. So why wide bar makeover seems gest that promotions are a bad York University students may often be teased for being apathetic, Despite the Commercial has Commercial Services insist- daunting to the University's solution. unpolitical and surprisingly right-wing considering most of them are Services' 'concessions' to keep all ed on having the same pricing financial outlook there are other There are of course other sponging off the state, yet there is a heartening and growing campaign for bars open at least a few nights structure, the same drinks on concerns that could be more deals available. But what are the University to pull out of their shares in major arms manufacturers. pers week, the impending clo- offer and the same décor in all cheaply solved. Primarily, drink- they? We all know about the At the end of the days, the money invested is students money: our sures will threaten the collegiate the bars? It means that visiting ing on campus just doesn't feel doubles for singles on vodka money which we have chosen to invest in an education at this institution. system that lies at the centre of one bar in an evening is essen- cheap. Is it coincidence that the Red Bull, but why are there no Obviously money does need to be made by the University, but this does- the University experience at tially visiting them all and this shift in profitability coincided posters in bars and kitchens n’t mean that it can continue to shun moral and ethical responsibilities, York. naturally discourages students with a rise in prices two years publicising all this and any other which should (but often aren’t) be considered a priority for any company, What could be more from spending an entire night ago that saw lager go from £1.40 cheap drinks? even one whose customers aren’t putting pressure on them. depressing to a new Langwith on campus. to £1.60? Although it's not a The fact that none of these The next few weeks are vitally important, and the profile must con- student than walking into their When the original proposal large increase, it's the difference suggestions appear to have been tinued to be raised by campus media and YUSU for this issue so it does- bar to find a dark, deserted was released, the YUSU suggest- between being by far the cheap- explored before the decision was n’t go away. Societies like People and Planet need our support: they can room with a dark, deserted bar? ed alternative uses for less suc- est student bar and being one of made to close bars leads us only only take on the might of the University by themselves for so long. Would you blame them for feel- cessful venues, such as turning many cheap student bars. to conclude that the University So sign the petition in Vision, continue to support Micky’s push and ing a lack of allegiance to their Langwith into a juice bar. This The SU and University's has given up before even trying show students do care, and look for any ways in which you can pressure college, or even the University? would appeal to students who “Where will you drink this to make college bars successful the University. It may sound idealistic, but a change can be made. It may So why did it have to come don't necessarily want to drink Friday?” campaign to show that in terms of student satisfaction sound overdramatic, but a chance needs to be made. to this? Why are the bars mak- alcohol but want to go out on drinking on campus is cheaper and profits.

East is sustainable are all aspects of bikes without fear of theft or dam- the Oxfam Unwrapped program. recycling systems on campus. The New Eco our work. As a pair we feel qualified age, especially while on campus. York University proudly earned communication, organisation and to make a difference; one of us, The bike sale is always a suc- fair trade status in 2005. To uphold support for the college eco-reps Quality of British degrees depends on Officers Charlotte, is an experienced envi- cess. Not only does it give students a this status we need to campaign for must be improved and formalised. ronment and ethical officer while cheap, green and healthy method of more fair-trade consumption. Our Our view is that an official commit- Charlotte the other, Clare, has done a lot of transport, but it also raises money a main target is the vending machines, tee should be set up. good work with recycling and the lot of money. This year it allowed a as increasing access to fair-trade Planning is vital to many of the Bonner & 'Love your bike' day. donation of £1000 to be made to goods allows students to decide eas- jobs jobs of enviroment officers have support for the ongoing AUT strikes Part of the job is to increase the Target TB, which supplies bikes to ier how their chocolate is made. to undertake. We will endeavour to knowledge on green issues such as doctors in Africa. Merchandise for JCRCs, soci- plan publicity and events in advance, Clare Hawley discuss energy efficiency, waste manage- An extension of the kitchen sale eties, YUSU and the AU can cur- and use broader media such as By James Caldwell details and sign my name in support the offer of a six per cent pay thousands of finalists. until lecturers receive a fairer pay ment and green transport. This to a campus wide scale would raise rently come from any company. Nouse to publicise and raise aware- of the cause. increase over two years as “derisory.” York Students’ Union has been deal. YUSU’s decision to break away their future policies applies to second and third years, as more money that can be given away Corners should not be cut to save ness of campaigns. As a rule of thumb, I do my utmost By signing the petition, I was In fact considering that 1,000 lec- in discussions with academic staff from the NUS will act only as a hin- well as first years. There needs to be to charity. At the end of the last aca- money by tolerating sweat shops and We look forward to trying to to avoid people attempting to get me expressing my support for the indus- turers have chosen to work for uni- and the Student Graduate’s drance to a just resolution to this changes on the ground - we want to demic year, we sterilised all kitchen child labour. We want to see only make a difference. We believe that to sign petitions. I have mastered the trial action being carried out by the versities abroad, over a quarter of Association, and appears to have disquieting situation. Change comes at every level. From finally sort out carrier bag recycling items people did not want and sold ethical companies being used. we have the enthusiasm and experi- art of zig-zagging across busy high AUT and the National Association of them being emplyed in the U.S., the come to a settlement whereby those As a first-year History with making sure one light bulb is and increase bike security. Students them to freshers. With the money To do all of this we need people. ence to make a visible, material streets in order to get to my chosen Teachers in Further and Higher small pay increase is unlikely to students who have been affected by French student, the industrial action switched off to ensuring Heslington and lecturers should be able to use raised we bought 11 goats through We want to reward those who run improvement. destination without being accosted Education. make a drastic difference. has had no impact on me whatsoev- by well-meaning but highly irritat- The arguments for doing so The National Union of Students ‘ er. I am concerned about sitting my ing people, bedecked in red bibs and seemed fairly straightforward to me has supported the academic union British higher educa- French exams in Week 6, and to ensure that you face as little dis- know what I wish I did. Although we did not win we were three revelled in the competition of bobble hats. at the time, and this remains the from the beginning, and is justified whether I will achieve the result I ruption as possible. Although not As we leave York I assume that successful in the way that we per- the weekend. That's my point, no Should this strategy of evasion fail, I case. The quality of British higher in its concern that unless lecturers tion rests on this dis- want; I have no concerns as to SU President orange the future is bright. many people will feel as I do, there formed and participated. I would matter how much we dislike the have memorised several verbal education rests on this dispute being receive a fairer pay deal, academics pute being resolved’ whether they will or will not be The action the AUT has taken will always be a place for York in our like to thank all the teams and all the University at times, or complain responses to ensure I am left well resolved. Our academic staff, when will be attracted overseas, thus marked. Thus my stance may seem- Micky has made me reflect on the work lives. Be it a distant memory or as players who put in effort over that about this, that, and the other, com- alone: “Sorry, my car park expired compared to their counterparts in diminishing the quality of British somewhat superficial, as I am not that the Union does. 300 people an active member of the alumni. weekend. We were incredibly close pared to Lancaster we will always be ten minutes ago, I really must get other parts of the world, are highly universities. AUT action will graduate in much experiencing any of the distress that- Armstrong turned out to vote whether or not we There is something about our uni- to pulling off an away victory-some- better. WE are the University of back”; “I would love to sign your undervalued. Their current level of The NUS is working hard on the same way as those whose degrees many finalists, at this university and support the action that the AUT has versity that will stay with us. Yes we thing very rare in the history of the York. piece of paper, but I have to get to pay, given their high level of training many levels, it is engaging in talks have been unaffected. This should, at others around the country, are taken, yet 3,000 people signed our live in a concrete monstrosity, yes we competition. I would also like to As the finalists move on to pas- my interview”; “Perdón, yo no hablo and expertise, is far lower than it with the AUT over exam boycotts, to an extent, be applauded. Yet it going through. save the bars campaign. Does this never want to see wildfowl again, thank Nik and all the AU exec that tures new I wish you all the best, and inglés.” should be. According to a study con- with the University Continuing seems to me that YUSU, by with- However, my concern that the It heads towards the end of term and really mean that more people care but deep down we will always be helped run the weekend so success- for those who have the privilege of Thus I was extremely surprised ducted by the AUT the average Education Association over their drawing its support for its national qualities of British universities finalists look towards the future, for about their campus bars than their proud of what we have given the fully. remaining here I say (with a hint of a few weeks ago to find myself ask- salary of a lecturer in Britain is only reluctance to re-enter negotiations, equivalent, is guilty of short-sighted- should not diminish over the coming those of you that have been effected degree? Do students come to uni- University and what the University During the weekend I had a envy) enjoy your time, you will miss ing a student outside Vanbrugh £32, 500 while in the United States and with various MPs and Vice- ness, and risks undermining the years means that I have no qualms by the AUT's action, the future may versity to study, learn, and get a has given us. chance to speak to our vice-chancel- it when its gone. College, “Excuse me, could I sign lecturers are earning a whole 47.5% Chancellors - to find a resolution to excellent work being done by the supporting the academic unions seem to be in jeopardy. Let me take degree or do students come to Just take Roses for example; lor and the vice-chancellor and If anybody is worried about the your petition?” He looked rather more. this problem as quickly as possible, NUS to resolve the pay dispute at the over the industrial action, and I this opportunity to reassure you that University to get pissed and go to there was so much pride in the York chancellor of Lancaster, and I was future of their degrees please contact surprised himself, but duly handed As such, representatives of the in order to minimise the damaging national level. The quality of British would strongly urge YUSU to do the the University has taken vital steps Ziggys? I know what I did and I teams that competed in Roses. pleasantly surprised to see how all me at [email protected] over the clipboard for me to leave my lecturers’ unions are right to dismiss impact this action could have on universities will remain in jeopardy same. ONLY IN MUSE: NEW YORK! M2 DRINKING! M4 THE EARLIES! M7

THE LOVE TRIANGE THAT IS THREATENING TO DERAIL RICH CROKER’S PRESIDENCY

MUSE!ISSUE 01 FIRST FOR CAMPUS MAY 2006 CELEBRITY LIES FREE!

IS CAMPUS NO LONGER SAFE FROM THE SORDID CELEBRITY CULTURE? CENTREFOLD

‘MY TOP 10 SCARVES’

EXCLUSIVE: WHAT’S REALLY BEHIND MR TWEED’S HAT

‘I WON AN AWARD ONCE, YOU KNOW’ LAUREN CARTER FIGHTS BACK NAT EXCLUSIVE M2 In-depth 23/05/06 New York and all that Nan Flory spent a few weeks of the Easter break taking a bite out of the world’s biggest apple. capital, but also arguably the cultural capital of the world. Can any similarities be found between

for the Easter break, on the other hand, of all those wonderful paintings deco- will more likely provoke ‘have a nice rating the walls of his family home. time, isn’t that in Africa somewhere?’ New York is the real thing, not only in a So how does it change your tourist coca cola sense; it’s where every other experience when you go to a place with major city takes its cue. such an international presence? In the same vein, while I was Arriving in New York, you don’t just there, a rainy evening trip to the cine- recognise it from your guidebook, you ma led to an encounter with none other see a lifetime of movies and TV shows. than Steve Buscemi. The actor/director The city is home to much of the world’s made an appearance at a screening of greatest art, it’s where hip hop - Lonesome Jim, a film he directed, arguably the most widespread youth which premiered at the Sundance film culture in the world today - dropped its festival but has only just landed a dis- first beats. You’ve seen it in fashion tribution deal. In true New York style, magazines, read about it in novels and no one but my companion and I were followed its stock exchange. It’s where awed by the fact that a man who the ‘War on Terror’ began, with the appeared in The Big Lebowski and tragic events of 11th September 2001 Reservoir Dogs was standing in front of now themselves entering the interna- us. They just got on with it, asked him tional public sphere with the release of a few questions, didn’t take any photo- Oliver Stone’s forthcoming docu- graphs with stupidly bright flash guns; drama, The World Trade Centre. When you go to New York, you go to the ori- gin of modern pop culture, the head- quarters of the cultural hegemony. Everyday life for New Yorkers is the stuff of legends for plain old York resi- dents. When I went to the city during the Easter holiday, I found that the expec- tations I carried with me made all my experiences much more striking. Usually, when travelling, you just immerse yourself in the place and enjoy the novelties, be they sunshine, histori- cal artefacts, nightlife, or food; in New ‘New York has an “embarrass- York, everything is either a confirma- tion or subversion of pre-conceived ment of riches” - the sheer vari- ideas, so you’re super-conscious the espite the similarity in York back in 1664 when it first adopted whole time. The disappointments of names, old York has no spe- the moniker, the city that we know New York arise when the outside ety in the city is ridiculous - but cial place in either the histor- today was entirely different. It started world’s myth-making gets ahead of the real “embarassment” lies in Dical or present day heart of out as a modest farming settlement on itself and idealises the city’s actual real- the New version: New York has two the tip of Manhattan Island, populated ity. It’s easy to forget that New York is a international airports, York has one by farmers and milkmaids rather than living, breathing place. It still has the its riches’ uneven distribution’ train station; New York has five bor- haute couture-wearing business people quotidian, unlike, for instance, Venice, oughs, York has South and North Bank. and avant-garde artists. another renowned city, which nobody they were nothing short of cool. I can’t I suppose, if the rumours are true, York However, most people, even if really lives in anymore. New York is really see Buscemi casually appearing is home to 365 pubs – an impressive they’ve never visited the place (and this what Venice might have been in the at the Odeon, or a York audience dis- number – but somehow it’s not hard to goes way beyond York’s petite borders), days of the silk route, when it was a playing similar restraint if ever he did. believe that New York City, with its feel an odd sort of affinity with New centre of commerce and culture. New York’s universities are simi- eight million residents, could have York that doesn’t exist with any other Culture is something New York is larly incredible to the outside viewer, enough bars to beat us there too. holiday destination in the world. in no way short of. Novelist Tom Wolfe but calmly accepted by native students. Any connection is even more tenu- Travelling to New York is a little like once said, in a rare, enlightened I stayed at Columbia with two friends ous when you find out that the ‘York’ setting out for Disney Land, except the moment, ‘culture just seems to be in from York University who are complet- part of America’s most iconic East characters you expect to populate it are the air, like part of the weather’. Some ing an exchange year there. The Coast city’s name has little to do with Annie Hall and Holly Golightly, rather of Kandinsky’s most stunning work was Columbia library is pretty much solid the English city. New York was appar- than Snow White and the seven commissioned to hang in the lobby of marble and definitely contains over a ently christened in honour of King dwarves. Everyone has a New York fan- an exclusive apartment building. zillion books. They are kept in ‘the James II when he was Duke of York. tasy, be it based on Sex and the City or Anywhere else, you’d have Ikea prints, stacks’, a series of low-ceilinged rooms But James was born in London, not Friends, Woody Allen or Audrey but in the Big Apple, you have genuine ‘stacked’ on top of one another, filled York, and spent a good deal of his life in Hepburn, punk rock or jazz; nobody art in the true sense of the word. with books. The stacks are like huge France, Spain and Belgium escaping goes to New York without great expec- Chagalls hang in the Metropolitan bookshelves, except instead of individ- religious persecution. It’s pretty certain tations. When you divulge that you’re Opera House and one of the most ual volumes, they hold whole bookcas- he didn’t spend a lot of time hanging going there, people emit a knowing impressive galleries, the Frick, was es. My host explained that one of the out within the city walls. The fact that exclamation ‘Oo, New York, an amaz- originally a private home. Its owner, an must-dos for Columbia students before New York’s sister city in the UK is not ing place’. If you ask them to tell you über successful businessman, spent his they graduate is have steamy sex in the its eponymous predecessor, but about it, though, they will generally money on collecting one of the most stacks. Can you imagine a corner of the London instead, says it all. Even if New answer ‘never been’. Presenting a less extensive private collections of old J.B.Morrell being remote enough for York had earned its name from travelled companion with the joyous masters in the world. And somehow it carnal exploration? I think not. At remarkable parallels between itself and news that you’ll be jetting off to Tunisia doesn’t seem too strange, the prospect Columbia, however, there are rooms no 23/05/06 In-depth M3 jazz... New York is not only America’s cultural the US city and its very English namesake?

one has ever been into; it’s actively con- reserved (somewhat obviously) for the ducive to the more racy kind of study real strivers, who worked to extreme break. lengths to achieve successes, usually Then there’s the local park. New barred from their community by the York’s version, Central Park, is actually institutional racism of the time. bigger than Monaco. (Yes, than a coun- Harlem today, despite being only a few try.) I spent several days exploring, vis- streets up from Columbia (one of the iting the turtle pond, the Jackie most prestigious, and expensive, terti- Onasiss reservoir, the Swedish puppet ary institutions in the world) is run theatre and the zoo. Central Park is an down and poor, populated almost oasis of calm in such a frenetic city and exclusively by disadvantaged African is made all the more striking by the fact and Hispanic communities. It doesn’t that, deep in greenery, you’ll suddenly give the impression that New York’s spot the spire of the Empire State ‘melting pot’ (that term was coined building poking up between trees. about the city) is actually blending par- As New York is so densely packed ticularly well. Although there aren’t with skyscrapers, its parks are the only exclusively white neighbourhoods so places where the sun shines compre- much, it’s obvious that poor New hensively. Elsewhere, there is always Yorkers are still black New Yorkers. shade on one side of the street and then Tourists are encouraged to take there are those slightly unsettling times bus tours through Harlem rather than when light, out of nowhere, streams up walk the streets. The area is probably a the avenues and avoids the cross-town lot more typical of America than the streets almost entirely. bright lights of Manhattan and it seems Another of the city’s odd features wrong that most visitors will avoid it, is the incredibly sharp borders between keeping to the usual landmarks. While different parts of town. One block places like Times Square and St Mark’s makes all the difference between areas. Place work to maintain mythical New The city is divided by cultures – there’s York, Harlem can’t afford such a luxury. Chinatown, Little Italy, Spanish Despite a brand new shopping com- Harlem or El Barrio, and Jewish areas. plex, featuring H&M rather than New There are also divides between hip and York’s more exclusive labels, and new arty places, old money quarters like the efforts to pump some money into the Westside 70s or the financial district. neighbourhood, the difference in the New York’s artistic part of town - and standard of living between 116th and by that I mean the ultra hip, leotard 125th streets, (separated by just one wearing quarter that used to be lower subway stop) is clear. East side - has moved. I made the trip, The standard line is that New York to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. On presents ‘an embarrassment of riches’. Manhattan itself there’s broadly down- The sheer variety available in the city is town and uptown, east and west, all ridiculous: every time I ordered food I surrounding Central Park. Downtown had a little crisis of confidence and and east are cooler than uptown and ended up just choosing the first thing west, although the latter two do have on the menu; I went to supermarkets their charms. Then, at the top of the bigger than my hometown. However, island, there’s Harlem, which is a whole the phrase can be read in another way: other story. the ‘embarrassment’ is the uneven dis- Spending a day in Harlem is what tribution of New York’s riches. It is a seriously alerts you to the fact that New city of extremes where people sleep on York is a real place, not a theme park. the streets outside apartment buildings Harlem’s main landmark is Strivers decorated with Kandinskys; where the Row, a strip of wonderfully preserved sun shines fiercely on one side of street, brown stones, encompassing the best leaving the other in darkness. If New of New York architecture. The row has York has any similarities with Disney its origins in the days of the Harlem Land, I certainly didn’t see them. There renaissance when African Americans is no techni-colour simplicity to the Big established a rich, artistic community Apple, as much as the rest of the world in the area. The beautiful houses were would love it to be so. The Five Boroughs of New York City The Bronx Manhattan of the Shea Stadium - Hip hop began in this Famed for its impressive home of baseball’s New area, which is charac- skyline, this island con- York Mets. terised by poverty and tains the most tourist crime. attractions. Staten Island The forgotten borough’s Brooklyn Queens ferry is popular for its Recently it has become Birthplace of director view of the Statue of a haven for artists. Martin Scorsese and site Liberty. New York’s skyline features the world’s most beautiful skyscaper, the Chrysler building M4 In-depth 23/05/06 Give whiskey a chance: why life is

Students are bombarded with posters and lectures warning against the dangers of meaning campaigns just out to spoil our fun? Flora Bradwell looks at the joys of

York University students drink responsibly and will thus follow the masses. However some of these figures are much more sinister than they originally appear to be. The fact that ‘4 out of 5 University of York students believe that drinking alcohol should not affect academic or other responsibilities’ seems fair enough, but when looked at close- ly you realise that 1 out of every 5 University of York students, 20% of us, believe that drinking alcohol should affect academic or other responsibilities. In this way the initial- ly encouraging statement that the beer mat seems to suggest actually translates to mean that 20% of York students believe that their academic work should be affected by drink- ing alcohol; 20% of York students consider it their right, and the norm, to allow drinking to affect their academic work. This, I am sure, is not the encouraging norm that the Fact Monkey campaign would have us fol- low. But the real problem with any cam- paign trying to inspire you to drink less is the fact that drink is being targeted as some- thing negative. As students, most of us won’t have reached the self-medicating stage and see drinking as a social activity or a way to celebrate. There are just so many great things about alcohol that make it an irre- sistible and enjoyable part of our lives. The most obvious benefit of alcohol is that it helps us pull. Sadly, being members of the affectionately named University of Dork, there are, on average, fewer pretty people than at other universities. First years finding themselves in this predicament might lose Flora Bradwell tests out her theory that beer goggles do indeed make you, and everyone else, much more attractive all faith and resign themselves to remaining as anyone else had enough of adoring father, despite the fact that she isn’t paign currently swamping our college bars? chaste. However, what it lacks in eye candy being told not to drink? First the even called Bill. Other York students have It’s slick, looks pretty cool and even has a York sure makes up for in pubs, with more student population of Britain is encountered similar treatment from parents, beer mat puzzle, which I must admit pro- than one drinking hole for every day of the Hnamed among the worst offenders discovering anti-alcohol pamphlets left lying vides hours and hours of fun as you drunk- year. Problem solved. Beer goggles make of the binge drinking culture; then we are indiscreetly around their bedrooms on their enly shuffle it around your table in a state of even computer scientists seem like muscle- warned that one in ten adults self-medicates return home for the holidays. As if the par- semi confusion. The ‘Fact Monkey’ campaign bound gods. Likewise, seen through beer with alcohol and we will most likely be feck- ents weren’t bad enough, you can’t even also steers clear of all those horror stories goggles you undoubtedly appear much more less drunks by the time we reach middle age. escape the nagging when you return to what that make other anti-drink campaigns so desirable. Not only does being drunk auto- One of the main aims of the 2002 campaign you though would be the haven of university matically add soft focus to even the most by the Portman group and the National life. repulsive of features, but it makes you feel Union of Students against binge drinking The Student Union DR!NK SAFE cam- ‘What it lacks in eye- hotter too. Hotter, in this sense, means more among students was to make drinking just paign already manages to lose a degree of attractive. However, temperature-wise, the to get drunk as socially unacceptable as authority as the use of ridiculous punctua- candy York sure oriental flush produced after a couple at the drink driving. This, quite frankly, is ridicu- tion and misspelling fails to bring it ‘down Nag’s Head and the sweat induced by the lous and condescending; and is, in my hum- with the kids’, but instead renders it about as makes up for in pubs’ dangerously high temperatures of Ziggy’s, ble opinion, part of the dangerous trend cool as any one of those saccharine alcopop are other side-effects of alcohol which, amongst the powers that be to conspire groups such as 5ive, boyz2men and misteeq. scary and thus distasteful to the ears of your although in reality they detract from the hot- against us having any fun. And although all the information is of course average student in the street. This campaign ness of your appearance, with the aid of beer Throughout my time at York there has accurate, it still feels patronising. As well as is even headed by a monkey, a creature that goggles are transformed into the subtle been a barrage of anti-alcohol campaigns: I the condescending tone, this campaign is can never fail to inspire consumer confi- blush of youth, and the glow of good health. have witnessed campus newspapers running further undermined by the ‘get home safe’ dence as well as a little comedy: think the PG Once you have managed to pull your features about binge drinking with pictures game that you can find on the SU website. Tips adds and Johnny Vegas’s sidekick. potentially not entirely pretty prey, alcohol of overweight drunk students snogging Instead of a link to a game where you must However, despite having ticked all the right can often help bring your relationship to the tramps in gutters; have heard horror stories manoeuvre yourself round alcohol bottles boxes the campaign still fails to inspire me to next level. A definite hotspot for first dates in on the news about the alcoholic tendencies and cans and pick up food, the unsuspecting change. The main issue I have with these York is the infamous Evil Eye, where the of the ‘youth of today’; and have received student looking for alcohol advice lands on beer mats of (potentially) never ending glee seductive lighting and tremendously alco- numerous distressed phone calls from my the ‘don’t do drunk’ website. It seems that are the statistics on the back of the puzzle. ‘4 holic concoctions on sale are enough to win mother imploring me not to give into the the promised game is nowhere to be found, out of 5 university of York students stay safe anyone over. Equally, drunk texting can vices of the demon drink. Clearly parents are however this website provides you with sev- by making sure their drinks are never left often lead to situations coming to a head. among the worst offenders, constantly alert eral links to the top ten websites for liquor, unattended’ boasts one beer mat; ‘9 out of 10 Alcohol gives you the confidence to drunk- for any sign that their beloved son or daugh- with ‘liquors from gifts2drink’ and ‘register University of York students have never enly type things like ‘mis u’, ‘yr fit’, or ter has become a raving drunkard, they go to and bid for liquor on eBay’ being among the underachieved on a piece of work or exam as ‘xxxxxxxxx’ into your phone and send into any length to lecture and patronise. Third most popular. This shameless liquor promo- a result of alcohol use’ brags another. On the the ether, which, if sober, the rules of texting year psychologist Lizzie Bailey returned tion seems rather to defeat the object of face of it these statistics seem commendable; would definitely not permit. And, despite the home after a hard working term only to be warning against the dangers of alcohol. the idea behind them is that potential binge fact that one night stands are often dubbed ‘boozy bill’ by her apparently not so But what about the ‘Fact Monkey’ cam- drinkers see that the majority of their fellow described as a negative effect of drinking in 23/05/06 In-depth M5 more fun drunk The scientific briefing with Luke Boulter excessive drinking, but are all these well Nuclear power – the ‘new’ alcohol and its place in university life fuel, or has it lost its

In July 1945 the US tested a bomb with extreme, depending on your point of an explosive impact equivalent to view, but there are massive implica- anti-alcohol campaigns, alcohol does have are undeniably used as the glue which sticks 200,000 tonnes of TNT: the bomb tions for the countryside if we do bury the glorious effect of lowering your inhibi- the social fabric of sports clubs together. named Trinity was the first (not so our nuclear litter. tions, often leading to sometimes exciting, Without such games netball, rugby and foot- small) step in nuclear technology. Now The area in Ukraine where but more often than not, hilarious sex. If it ball teams would fail to bond as they do, several hundred thousand tonnes of Chernobyl nuclear reactor number 4 wasn’t for alcohol most of my friends in rela- thus leading to an absence of teamwork on plutonium and enriched uranium are once stood remains to this day tionships would be single. In fact Samuel the pitch and ultimate failure. Despite York’s available, and 27,000 atomic bombs extremely radioactive and entirely Emanuel Mann, of Derwent college, admits: not very inspiring performance at Roses this are stored away. Having said this, 16% uninhabitable, and the long-term “I wouldn’t be with my girlfriend of nearly year I am still confident in my theory that of the world’s energy supply comes implications of that one explosion are two years had it not been for red wine”. sporting prowess is improved through social from nuclear power. It is of massive still uncertain 20 years on, with a pre- Liquor has undeniably on more than one drinking. Clearly Lancaster must have benefit to people; the question is, at dicted 60,000 deaths from the after occasion helped pave the way to love. Indeed drunk more than York in preparation for the what cost? effects of radiation. The depth that the Lizzie (aka Boozy Bill) Bailey asks the ques- head-to-head. No trials into the effects In the last fortnight the World UK wishes to bury its nuclear waste is drinking games have on sporting achieve- Wildlife Federation-UK (WWF-UK) sensible, but for how long can this ment have yet been run but I am sure that has produced a report which states in problem have a layer of earth neatly when they are, the results will be startling. no uncertain terms that the UK can placed atop it? How about one thou- John Griffiths of Derwent Seconds football meet its energy demands and reduce sand years? team believes drinking is an integral part of CO2 emissions in line with the Kyoto In practice these wastes are no the game. Although he admits that “drinking protocols without the need to use more dangerous than any others: they with sports is a way of punishing people for nuclear technology. With some small are, if deactivated and shielded, per- doing good things”, referring to the chal- tweaks to current government policy it fectly safe. In fact, for a sample of lenges the man of the match must undergo; would be feasible to reduce 1990 car- Uranium to reach one thousandth of he feels that this benefits the equilibrium of bon emissions levels by 40% by 2010, its activity takes less than 100 years, the team itself as “the balance between very and to further reduce these levels to and after a few thousand years its good and very bad is moderated”. Obviously 55% by 2025. Great, you might think, radioactivity has reduced to levels sim- ‘The facts speak for alcohol not only seals love and friendship, and this is true: the notion of replacing ilar to that when it is mined. However, but also enables teamwork to flourish. our carbon based energy sources with there is a horribly ironic twist to the themselves: York Added to these truly miraculous powers nuclear and renewable fuels is a posi- story. The UK Environment Agency is the power to make everything seem better. tive one. However, there are some has suggested that rising sea levels, a would be nothing How are the attendees of this summer’s ball unavoidable issues concerning the use consequence of global warming, will going to be able to stand the incessant noise of unstable fuels to power our country. jeopardise many of the nuclear waste without alcohol’ of Bjorn Again without indulging in some The most compelling argument sites around the world within the next alcoholic beverages? How would Ziggy’s be against the widespread use of nuclear 500 years, making them impossible to tion: “is it mere coincidence that cultures in fun at all without being proceeded by the power for energy is not one of safety; it use for storing nuclear waste. which arranged marriages are prevalent are Micklegate run? How would any campus is the longevity of radioactive isotopes So, what are the alternatives to the ones where alcohol is prohibited?” event seem like anything other than a glori- that the main problem. The decompo- Uranium, if we decide that this is too Not only does alcohol help you meet fied school disco without double vodka red sition of an isotope (nuclear fission) is much of a long term comittment for a potential partners, or at least get laid, it also bulls? I must confess to having once ven- measured in half-lives, that is, the short term advantage? There are the helps you make friends. Those heady days of tured to Toff’s without having imbibed any amount of time it takes for a sample of obvious options to expore: an increase Freshers’ Week were made so much easier by alcohol, and the experience, never to be material to reach half its activity. in wind farms and hydro- and solar- the fact that they were lubricated with repeated again, was indeed a sobering one. Uranium-235, the Uranium isotope based energies. The success of these snakebite and black. People bonded over Just as the nightlife of York is undoubtedly that is used in nuclear fission, has a types of energies can be seen in what drinks they liked and didn’t; and hilar- improved by alcohol, so is the cuisine offered half-life of 760 million years, and upon Canada, which supplies more than ious drunken anecdotes from the night to those reaching the end of their night out. decomposition Uranium becomes plu- 50% of its energy requirement in this before bonded people who had hitherto been The Golden Grill becomes a delicatessen of tonium. way. strangers. Even the act of drunken pulling delight after a night on’t town; and at any In 1995 it was reported that Another option is to use nuclear has cemented the firmest of friendships: time past midnight the array of deep fried Japan, one of the world’s key propo- fusion. Up until now nuclear power has most friendship groups have a bit of healthy goodies York’s Yummy Chicken’s menu nents in nuclear fuels (40% of the resulted from the decay of isotopes, but inbreeding. And as you progress through boasts well outstrips anything the Blue country’s energy comes from nuclear in 2005 France won an exciting bid to your university career you realise that almost Bicycle might have to offer. The facts speak reactors) had a surplus of 4.7 tonnes of build a fusion reactor and attempt to everyone in York has pulled each other indi- for themselves: York would be nothing with- plutonium. It is these stockpiles of make the world’s first source of clean, rectly, and that strengthens the bond of our out alcohol. nuclear waste that are causing massive safe and almost infinite energy. The small incestuous community. Reminiscing It is not only York that is improved by concern in nuclear countries. This process relies on the fusion of two now with friends about those early heydays watching it through thick blurry beer gog- issue is so pertinent that many govern- hydrogen atoms to produce helium; of university, we honestly don’t know how we gles. The average York student undergoes a ments have set up councils to deal with this mechanism expels a lot of energy would have met each other had it not been similar transformation. This is not only true the situation that is looming on a none- without creating a lasting nuclear lega- for Derwent bar, or the drunken singing on in the physical appearance stakes, but in fact too-distant horizon. cy. The only problem facing this plan is the Ikon bus (sadly deceased). Even the less in every aspect of your being. Pretty much Even with these advisory bodies that the research has lasted half a cen- pleasant side-effects of alcohol allow people like Bananaman, once you have had a drink on nuclear disposal at hand there is tury and cost $20 billion, no small bill. to bond. No night out is complete without you assume magical powers, transforming still much confusion and some con- It is disheartening, then, that no mas- the hangover, and sharing the pain with new from an everyday scruffy spotbag to an alco- frontation as to what should be done sive advancements have been made, as friends makes you realise that you’re not hol fuelled superhero. Among your powers with the waste from our energy pro- this method requires a massive mag- quite so different. It is a sad fact that if not are: strength you never knew you had; the duction. The UK’s Committee on netic field, and plasma hitting temper- for alcohol you would know fewer people at ability to dance like they do on Strictly Radioactive Waste Management atures that have never been achieved university. Dance Fever; the quick-witted intelligence (CoRWM) has taken three years to before. Of course, there is the obvious argu- of Stephen Fry; and the ability to brave all come to one conclusion: that nuclear This nuclear dream could become ment that joining societies is a great, non- weather conditions wearing minimal cloth- waste from the UK should be buried, reality over the next half a century, but alcoholic, way to meet people, and this is ing. With such an impressive array of talents an idea that has been proposed three living in the here and now there is no true. However, more often than not a society it is little wonder that sticking a picture of a times in the last 30 years and has been effective energy source which will not, social revolves around, you’ve guessed it, monkey on the back of a couple of beer mats rejected each time. in some way, affect us or the environ- drinking. This is most true of sports teams, won’t change students’ lifestyles. The powers The proposal is simple: bury the ment. Carbon-based emissions must where members play the game on the pitch, of Alcohol-Man are too great and too tempt- UK’s 400,000 cubic meters of radioac- be reduced, but whether a progressive and drinking games off it. However painful ing to be overcome by even the cutest of tive waste between 300m and 2km takeover by nuclear is a good idea, only or childish some might find games like chimps. The simple fact of the matter is that below the earth’s surface in stable geo- time and environmental security will ‘Never Have I Ever’ or ‘Truth Or Dare’, they drinking is fun and makes everything great. logical formations. This may sound tell. M6 Feature 23/05/06 A religious foray into science

Intelligent design theory is now taught alongside evolution in science lessons. Bob Higson considers the implications of allowing religion into scientific theory

volution and Creationism have long intelligent design. Critics argue, however, been pitted against one another, that it should only be discussed in lessons on crudely categorised as science bat- religion, as teaching Creationist theories in Etling against faith or simply ‘God vs science lessons affords them unwarranted Science’. The issue is a source of contention, plausibility. particularly with regards to what should be Supporters of such theories in America taught in schools. Does Creationism belong were dealt a heavy blow in December when, in the religious studies classroom or in the in the case of Kitzmiller vs. Dover Area science lab alongside the theory of evolution School District, courts ruled that intelligent by natural selection? design should not be taught in schools as it For some, the two being taught in was essentially “Creationism re-labelled.” schools is not a problem, rather, they are The trial included testimony from both sides competing theories to be explained along- and from experts on philosophy, Creationism side one another. There is, however, an and evolutionary biology. Summarising the increasingly vocal argument that evolution verdict, the judge stated that, “the intelligent should not be taught to children in schools design argument is dependent upon setting a as “fact”, but as one possible theory amongst scientifically unreasonable burden of proof others, such as intelligent design. Opponents for the theory of evolution”. Accusations of a feel that teaching intelligent design as 'sci- lack of judicial objectivity were easily over- ence' lends it undue credibility, believing come, the judge having been appointed by that the theories are nothing more than President Bush, a lifelong church-goer him- indoctrinating pseudoscience. self. As Dr. Elliott puts it, “on the public stage Intelligent design theories have been a with the world press watching and given the source of both controversy and increasing opportunity to justify itself as science, intelli- popularity of late. They are theories that gent design found itself utterly devastated by President Bush thinks should be taught in the weight of evidence against its claims.” schools, yet that the Archbishop of But must evolution and Creationism be Canterbury feels shouldn't be. Though mod- seen as necessarily contradictory? Perhaps ern conceptions of the argument stem from evolution can be viewed as God's 'guiding the 1980s, the theories have stretched over hand' after his original Creation? “There is millennia: from Plato, through Aquinas and no suggestion of a guiding hand and so no Paley (author of the watchmaker theory). justification for suggesting that there is one Proponents of intelligent design main- involved,” says Dr. Elliott. “The theory of evo- tain that life on Earth is too complex to have lution explains many things just fine without evolved randomly. Natural systems, it is the need to invoke God. To include God in argued, display characteristics that cannot science, He must be observable and testable. be attributable to natural order and evolu- Since He is not, by the definition of ‘being tion. Scientists behind the anti-evolution supernatural’, it is not by choice but by neces- movement cite a number of specific exam- sity that the notion of God is excluded.” ples, including the vertebrate blood clotting There are those who feel that by even cascade, the immune system, the cilium, and confronting arguments from those practic- most notably, the bacterial flagellum. Intelligent Design is a proposed alternative to Darwin’s theory of evolution ing intelligent design and those that dismiss Intelligent design does not necessarily the science behind evolution, Creationist imply a Creator in the traditional theistic cedes the appearance of related species.” Creation Science Foundation Ltd., included theories are being given a platform that they sense, but merely that one, or more, must ‘Discarding evolution’ was the topic of a such propaganda as, “Atheism kills, because do not deserve, elevating their respectability exist. Furthermore, they point to the fact recent lecture held on campus. Entitled “The without God there are no rules - anything and plausibility. Others feel that Creationism that ‘evolution is only a theory’ and should be theory of evolution proved false,” it attempted goes! Atheists are at the forefront of efforts is an issue to be confronted head on: only by valued as nothing more. However, intelligent to prove the impossibility of evolution, using to legitimize euthanasia, abortion, drug- exposing its faults will it wither away. Still, design is branded by its harsher opponents disputed claims and contentious sources that taking, prostitution, pornography and the issue remains contentious: by engaging as blatant neo-Creationism circumventing were challenged by many in attendance. promiscuity. All these things cause misery, in debate are we breathing respectability into evolutionary biology, in order to lend scien- suffering and death. Atheism is the philoso- a position that should be marginalised, or tific kudos to pre-held religious beliefs. phy of death.” acknowledging the lack of certainty that we But describing evolution as being ‘only a ‘A negative argument So is there any scientific validity to have over how the world came to be? theory’ undermines the scientific usage of intelligent design theories? “Intelligent Belief in a six-day Creation, Adam and the term. As Dr. Paul Elliott, postdoctoral against evolution design and the argument from design are Eve and the story of Genesis has been disput- researcher in the Department of Chemistry not theories, they are opinions at best,” says ed by scientists of many faiths for years. at York explains, “evolution is both a fact and is not a default Dr. Elliott. “They are based on no evidence, Need we therefore worry about elevating a theory, just as gravity is both a fact (you are merely an argument from personal theories of Creationism and intelligent pulled down to the floor) and a theory argument in favour of incredulity and, as such, are not science. design? Given a recent BBC Horizon poll (explained by Einstein by the mass of the Intelligent design arguments basically rest which showed more than 40% of those sur- Earth warping space-time in the theory of intelligent design’ on the notion that life is complex and there- veyed believe that alternative theories to evo- general relativity)” he offers. “The facts of fore has to have been designed, i.e. 'I per- lution - such as Creationism and intelligent evolution are that we can observe it happen- To some students the lecture itself bor- sonally don't understand how this could design - should be taught in science lessons, ing with a great many examples of speciation dered on the farcical. Albi Furlan - who happen therefore it can't', which as you can the answer is probably yes. In truth, it is an by natural selection having been observed describes himself as a committed atheist - see is hardly scientific… Not one argument issue that comes down to faith, not science. both in the lab and in the wild. The fossil viewed the event disparagingly. “When chal- in favour of intelligent design has ever been Indeed, many scientist opponents of intelli- record shows that fossils of a given species lenged with contrary facts, the lecturer tried made, only negative arguments against evo- gent design have been devoutly religious, are only ever found within specific bands of to avoid confrontation… Even people I sat lution. A negative argument against evolu- drawn from all Christian denominations. rock, none are found out of place, suggesting near who had various different beliefs - tion is not a default argument in favour of But, religious beliefs aside, to put God into they were in existence for a finite period of agnostic, Christian and atheist - felt embar- design.” the equation because of a lack of certainty time. Further, for several groups of species, rassed,” he says. Just recently, the exam board OCR does an incredible disservice to science; sci- sequential lineages can be seen where one Literature handed out at the lecture, announced its new GCSE biology syllabus, ence is observable and testable; God, by def- species follows the disappearance of and pre- with copyright owned by the ministry of including the debate on Creationism and inition, is not. 23/05/06 Music M7 So, who are The Earlies?

Following their recent gig at Fibbers, Sara Sayeed talks to The Earlies about groupies, the Arctic Monkeys and the problem of making music over different sides of the Atlantic

he Earlies seem to have stumbled into something of an identity crisis. As it turns out, Transatlanticism is Tnot just an affected title for a wistful- ly meditative Death Cab for Cutie album, but an uncomfortable predicament suffered by the band. Critics have wrestled with the bi- continental make-up of the band, reflecting on the line, “Take me home”, which punctu- ates the majority of their lyrics. Two Texans The Earlies, including their “Simon Cowell-esque svengali” John Mark Lapham (top), who doesn’t do tours but does do trees plus two Mancunians making music together seem to have caused more bafflement than don't make that much money!” these other bands... it’s crazy, I mean I don't sounding DIY synths, a raggedy brass sec- the rapid spread of bird flu. Yet, this is only one side of Brandon and get it. I mean, I don't think we're absolutely tion, and a hippy cello player” (PopMatters). The Earlies’ unique cultural amalgam is Charlie's personalities. When asked about disgusting...” Poor guy, it's been a long tour. So, I went for the contentious (or exasperat- not something that they themselves find par- contemporary music they subtly change from Flitting between the personas of ‘too cool for ing) route of asking Brandon himself to ticularly revolutionary. “I didn't really think the amiable, laddish selves to more discern- school’ progressive musicians and piqued define their music. “Umm... it's mainly psy- that it was that big a deal, but it's been really ing musicians. Brandon's verdict on the schoolboys, the Earlies are definitely not easy chedelic stuff: psychedelic pop is what it all talked about... I mean we're all into the same Arctic Monkeys, seems superficially congen- to pin down. On top of that, one of their core boils down to”. Charlie has a jab at clarifying; sort of thing” is Brandon's wandering ial. “Well, you know, I don't really mind it so members, John Mark Lapham just ‘doesn't “We set out really to make an accessible pop response. Charlie makes a more successful much. I, er… I haven't really heard much of do’ touring. When asked why he's not album. When we were making it we were lis- attempt at coherence, remarking on the their stuff, I mean I respect... well stuff gets around, Brandon and Charlie have a little tening to the Beach Boys and all ’60s sort of nature of Texan and English audiences; “I played on the radio, like pop music, regard- chuckle and say, “No, no he's not here, he's a pop stuff. And we just figured that nobody think that people from Texas and people less of whether or not you like it; there are very, very mysterious, brooding studio was doing it anymore, so we thought we from the north of England are quite similar”. certain things like catchy hooks, well written genius”. Charlie then cuts in: “he's an avant- would”. Well, if the Earlies see themselves as However unlikely that appears, it seems true little pop songs, and there is a skill in that”. garde svengali!” When I respond with a a psychedelic, Beach Boys influenced, eleven for the Earlies; “We just get on really well, However, on closer inspection, references to slightly baffled look, he explains, “He's the piece orchestral ensemble with a Simon there aren't any cultural issues”. their “well written little pop songs” and his Simon Cowell of the Avant-garde - he audi- Cowell figure at the helm, it is no wonder that If anything, it is this lackadaisical atti- satisfaction that “the pendulum has really tioned us all, I mean he put us all together”. they have caused a little confusion. tude which defines the band’s personality. swung back to the band thing and not the boy Even more difficult to define is their Granted, the title of the debut album, They are a self-confessed “pretty normal band thing” betrays a more quietly critical music itself. That's not to say many haven't These were the Earlies does prompt the ques- bunch of lads” who “drive back to attitude. Charlie is a little more forthcoming; had a valiant go at it: “A work of baroque tion “What are they going to be?” According Manchester every night, and all have girl- “I think that there are a lot of bands, especial- detail, crossing between Mercury Rev's psy- to Brandon, “Most of the stuff on the first friends and mortgages and kids and stuff like ly last year, that probably didn't deserve the chedelic Americana and The Beta Band's album is not even tapping into a tenth of the that”. Indeed, when I walked into Fibbers I amount of hype that they got”. But just when bucolic electronica” (Q. Magazine); “This stuff that [we] could do. But with the second was directed to “that kinda hairy guy with the I'm getting all geared up for a pleasingly music is the electronic, Warp-inspired album, we're getting pretty wacky”. The addi- beer in his hand”. Even the production acerbic proclamation on the over-venerated, answer to Brian Wilson's 'Smile'.” (New tional wackiness could prompt another wave process is surprisingly unaffected for a band well-coiffured participants of the contempo- Musical Express); and my personal favourite, of critical contention, but, if they manage whose music is so intricately layered; they rary musical scene, Charlie reverts to diplo- “Imagine the Beach Boys getting strung out even a couple of tenths of what “they could live and breathe the internet. “We couldn't macy, declaring that he “won't name names” in a field on cider midmorning in some alter- do”, September, when the new album will be live without it. We use X-drive, this online and that the Arctic Monkeys are “a very good native universe Texas, surrounded by retro- released, should be a pretty exciting month. hard-drive system. That's how we do records; band” who “would probably be quite embar- it’s crucial.” The reason for this unusual pro- rassed about the hype they got if you were to cedure is more practical than avant-garde interview them”. Arrogant band bashers the For more music content visit www.NOUSE.co.uk hippyish. Essentially, they “can't afford to Earlies clearly are not. In terms of contempo- have everyone together”. All of the Earlies' rary bands, what seems to irk them more Following their JJ’s gig, Buck 65 talks to Adam We’ve also got live reviews initial releases were entirely self-funded, and than anything is their effect on the Earlies’ Irish band Director discuss Sloan about his desire for a of Sway and the Streets in it wasn't until they were signed to a label that own “groupie action”. After being quite cool their recent tour with Hard hermetic existence, his Leeds, Angels and Airwaves they began constructing a cohesive album. and blasé so far, Brandon gets a little ruffled. Fi, their new headline backwoods hometown of at Manchester’s Give It A Their attitude to their lack of money is jovial- “You know, I don't understand this at all. shows and writing their Mount Euniacke and Name festival and Tunng, ly indignant, even student-esque. “Thing is, Well, I'm married so I can't do anything, but debut album, with Jenni annoying almost everyone Vashti Bunyan and Adem when you're in an eleven piece band, you just I mean I don't even get propositioned! All Marsh. in hip-hop. in Leeds. 23/05/06 Comment M9 RebeccaGower Controversy over content: why advertising is missing the point

t’s been reported that French are annoying enough, but then Connection has had a collapse there’s the unashamed gastro-porn in sales recently, blamed in of the food commercials. I used to Ipart on their recent advertis- think Dervla Kirwan was great ing campaign, which attracted a (mainly because I was a big large number of complaints. I Ballykissangel fan many years don’t know if you saw it, but I cer- ago), but now she’s just the woman tainly found it quite off-putting: it who works herself up into some showed two women beating each kind of breathy, orgasmic glow other before enjoying a kiss, while while listing the delights of covered in oil. smoked ham, or whatever other Obviously, the company were delicacy we’re all supposed to rush trying to invite controversy out to buy. Apparently I’m in the (they’ve never exactly been arbiters minority, though, as the food sec- of good taste in advertising), but it tion has had record profits. was just rather offensive, and it It could just be, of course, that certainly didn’t fill me with the I generally miss the point of most urge to go and buy any of their adverts. I mean, there’s a brilliant clothes. If their sales have been one on at the moment which I real- affected, well, they’ve only brought ly like, where a gangster gets cre- it upon themselves. mated and then turned into a dia- It’s all just part of the great mond, or something along those power of advertising, I suppose. lines. The thing is, though, that I From reading the papers, you’d have absolutely no idea what the think that Marks & Spencer’s for- product is that is being advertised. tunes have been turned round sin- I always mean to look out for it, but gle-handedly by Twiggy, in those forget, and it’s getting increasingly adverts where she, Laura Bailey frustrating: either it’s just not and Erin O’Connor (and that other explicit enough in terms of what one, whose name nobody knows – it’s selling, or else I’m being stun- Barry Scott arguably remains the only true classic advertising icon currently on our television since she’s the least famous, she’s ningly slow-witted about it (which the one that has to do all the is more likely, really: recently, what that day. (Get over it, I say. Why do actual meal in months, and she’ll decide that the company couldn’t underwear modelling) flounce with the whole it’s-my-final-term people want to look their best be inhaling ice-creams whole, as if be bothered to shell out enough around some stately home in vari- debacle, I’ve felt my ability to con- when they’re shopping? I can’t to tell me, look, you too can look money, and that I don’t want to ous outfits. People have said that centrate, or indeed think about understand it). But then she used like me while indulging in this look at a load of ugly people on this is a great victory for the use of anything in any kind of detail, some magical face wash and the calorific snack! screen. What I really can’t stand, older women in advertising. Which deteriorate). very next day, she went back and I can’t cope with it; I hate peo- though, is celebrity endorsements. might be true, if Twiggy didn’t look Then there are advertise- got his number. I always think, ple trying to sell me a look, or a When Eva Longoria simpers at me about fifteen years younger than ments which I feel are deliberately what, am I supposed to be thrilled product, or a lifestyle, in such a that I should use some shampoo or she actually is, and if she weren’t designed just to irritate me. So, for for you? Brilliant, you’re going on a vacuous and thoughtless way. In other, because I’m worth it, I surrounded by three women who example, some girl with flawless date: well, I don’t know you, and fairness, I’m not particularly con- almost want to scream. It’s not are in their twenties and thirties. skin will ramble on about how she this thirty-second film has not sistent in this. If the actors used really her fault – my dislike of her I’m sure the average ‘older woman’ went shopping, and there was a endeared you to me in such a way are fabulously good-looking, I get is inextricably bound up with the feels just thrilled. fantastically attractive male assis- that I care what happens to you. Or annoyed at the presumption that fact that I pretty much loathe I hate Marks & Spencer’s tant, but she just couldn’t look at else, there’ll be some emaciated they’re meant to represent normal Gabrielle on Desperate adverts, anyway. The clothes ones him because she looked so awful model who clearly hasn’t eaten an people; if they’re less attractive, I Housewives, and Desperate Housewives in general – but I real- ly resent the implication that my life is so anodyne and unsatisfacto- ry that I must be striving to be Struggling towards the finish line more like her, and that, therefore, I must want to use the products that she claims to use (and she so obvi- hen people used to but I can’t summon the energy to to campus; and now that the sun is can’t spend longer than about ten ously doesn’t, anyway). talk to me about finals, be concerned about it now it’s out, all I can hear, wherever I’m minutes working without checking My all-time favourite advert, I assumed they’d be over); but also because the mood working, is the sound of all the the cricket score on the Internet or and the one which I reckon has Wlike my A Levels: I’d that appears to be characterising lucky, carefree students who still adding items to my Amazon wish been most effective on me, is that be permanently exhausted, wan- this final term at York is boredom. have years at university ahead of list. I’m coming to understand that Ferrero Rocher one from years dering from one exam to the next, Every morning I wake up them. It’s made me bitter enough when people speak about finals ago: you know, about the and all I’d ever do was work. insanely early to the sinking feeling that whenever it starts raining tor- with that awed dread, it’s not Ambassador’s parties being noted I also thought that I’d get that I’m going to have to spend the rentially, I cheer up no end. because of the tiredness, or the for their style. It is the cheesiest, rather stressed – or, at the very whole day in front of a computer, It’ll all be over soon enough I workload, or anything like that: it’s most unconvincing advert ever, least, panicked – and end up hav- and it’s beyond depressing. I would suppose. What’s driving me mad, because your final term just gradu- and yet that’s what makes it work. ing arguments with everyone I stay at home to work, but my lap- though, is the fact that I could fin- ally grinds you down, to the point I don’t even like Ferrero Rocher, knew. Thus far, that hasn’t hap- top’s chosen this crucial moment to ish the essays I’m currently work- where you can barely be bothered but I buy them sometimes because pened. Mainly because I do break down (I swear, it has some ing on much more quickly, and be to speak in full sentences. Still, I I have some kind of weird affection English, so I’ve had a single exam kind of sixth sense about how best free to go and sit outside, if only I suppose it’s character building. for that advert. They don’t make (which I did worry about no end, to get at me), so I have to trek over weren’t so bored of them that I Not that that’s any consolation. them like that any more… M12 Cooking 23/05/06 Kicking the meat habit

Many people see those who choose not to eat meat as over-idealistic hippies. Dan Whitehead and Sam Noble explore their different reasons for shunning the red stuff

Dan’s story fter almost twenty years of Variety in your tearing away chunks of flesh vegetables is from a cow’s derriere, I decided that turning into a herbivore the key for a A meat free diet, was the ethical path of enlightenment that I wished to follow. On the two week whilst not anniversary of my new life, I have going crazy decided to report from the front line of the world of lettuce leaf munching. Pythagorean necessities. Swede, sweet but the invite to a barbeque I knew Day 1: When I first experienced my potato, leeks, celeriac?! Don’t know Sam’s story would be a test. I was already gutted “epiphany”, as a friend tastefully put it, I what it is but it sounds vegetarian, I’ll he choice to become a vegetari- (the mini Sainsbury’s on Scarcroft Road was fully dedicated to the vegan cause. I have two. an is one you should not take had no veggie burgers) so I retaliated by wanted to help Daisy’s udders fight for This continued for several minutes. lightly, nor is it something buying an assortment of chocolate freedom from the oppression of farm- As the woman screeched over the Twhich as an experienced and snacks. It’s never good to comfort eat, ers’ milk-thirsty, fondling hands; I speakers “5 minutes to go”, I raced accomplished carnivore you should but I was sulking. Upon arriving at the wanted to stop those egg-robbing bas- towards the Quorn, feet riding on top of fear. I took the plunge at the beginning barbeque, the sensitive hosts had home tards (farmers again) from taking the trolley wheels like an 8 year old of term, partly to feel healthier and to made hummus and sixteen veggie burg- Chicken Little’s children. After all, how save money but also to prove the scep- ers for my delight. I had managed to hard could it be to stop consuming ani- ‘I can see the stares in the street tics wrong. They have a point; my moti- pass the test! mal products for the greater good? vation is far from moral, having no That night the nightmares began. I Apparently harder than I thought. ‘beef’ with eating animals or a desire to woke up racked with guilt, prepared to I was dirtier when I came out of the as mothers shield their children rally behind the cause for animal rights; phone my girlfriend to tell her of my shower that morning than when I went I just wanted to see if I could shake the shame that I had given in and had a in, as I realised that no longer could I and slyly whisper to them “We nineteen year habit. So far so good, but ham roll. I opened the fridge only to use my toiletries as both contained ani- be warned: ham roll nightmares, farts find vegetables, Orange Juice and mal products. Upon getting dressed, I don’t mix with that sort”’ that can strip paint off walls and a dis- Friscuino. Now this only strengthened concluded that my favourite jumper trust of solid food are some of the side- my resolve and the benefits began to was also out of the question as it was child. But where was the Quorn? I effects you won’t be told about. show. made from wool. When I realised I was couldn’t find it in the frozen section. My mind must have approached Over three weeks I had lost a stone going to have to re-paint my room due Panicking, I turned to the crisps (I my decision like a recovering alcoholic: and as a result started to run around to the paint containing “animal-based heard they offer a very balanced diet) meat was the enemy and my addictions campus at eight in the morning every ingredients” I decided the vegan way of especially with such varieties as roast to it lead to bad places such as putting day (hangover permitting). It’s my life just wasn’t for me. beef and chicken, then I remembered I on a stone over Christmas and always Forrest Gump ideology - I ran this far so Day 2: Having lowered the ethical can’t eat them. I arrived at the checkout, feeling bloated. The first week went I might as well keep on going. I feel ambitions of my new way of life, day tail between my legs, knowing that the swimmingly as the novelty resulted in more motivated, less bloated and gen- two promised to be painless. How second week was going to be another lots of innovative cooking. However, it uinely pleased for myself of accomplish- wrong could I have been? Everywhere I feast of cheese sandwiches. went downhill as the weather bright- ing so much with honestly little effort. looked there were succulent steaks, Day 11: Munching my way through ened. Now, I’m a Southern pansy and I Although, be warned, my farts are the sausages, pasties and Roger Kirk food a lettuce sandwich I notice a small bug get tetchy if there is a cloud in the sky, deadliest smells around this town. (well maybe that wasn’t so tempting). on one of the leaves. With my new sense Then came the Satan of all meats: of nature-loving still intact I carefully bacon. As a student walked past me, fat remove the bug and place it outside. I Our resident chef, Johan Carlin, provides a tasty recipe suitable for student vegetarians dribbling off his jaw, I began wondering then notice the small present it has left Peanut wok 1 red chilli how I would ever cope. placed next to where it was sat. Does While the rice boils, wok, and set it to maximum Day 7: After surviving mainly off eating insect faeces count as going 1 tin of coconut start chopping the vegeta- heat. Add all the vegetables Ploughman sandwiches it was decided against the principles of vegetarianism? Serves 3 milk bles. Garlic is a lot easier to once the oil is hot, and fry for that a visit to Tesco was a must. Upon Day 14: Looking back over the fort- 3 tablespoons peel if you first smash it with less than two minutes while arriving at the store, a voice crackled in night it is amazing how much shock 200 g basmati lemon juice the blade of a knife and gin- stirring. the background “I would like to inform and displeasure I got from friends and rice 1 tablespoon ger is best peeled by scraping Add coconut milk, you that this store will be closing in 15 family. I can see the stares in the street, it with a teaspoon. lemon juice, tomato puree, minutes”. “Fifteen minutes!” I cried, the whispers as the mothers shield their 3 cloves garlic tomato puree You can control the peanut butter and soy sauce, “How do I possibly have time to shop children and tell them “We don’t mix 1 large onion 4 tablespoons strength of the wok with the stir and taste. for an entire week’s worth of vegetarian with that sort”. At least it can be said 1 pepper peanut butter chilli. Chop the remaining Try adding some more food in 15 minutes?” The fruit and veg that I have my own place in life now, 6 mushrooms 2 tablespoons vegetables into rough soy or a dash of salt. Serve section was right in front of me so I and can proudly say to the next chef 1 leek soy sauce chunks. immediately once the wok dived in, grabbing all manner of who asks, “I don’t eat Sunday roast!” Pour some oil into the has been brought to a boil. 25 g ginger) cooking oil 23/05/06 Feature M13 The altruistic masochism of the London Marathon runner

William Bowry recounts the sweat, tears and other bodily fluids he encountered when he ran the 26th London Marathon loved sports day at school. In the balmy my plodding legs. Eventually, I ended up in a summer sun, as athletes stretched town called ‘Dunninton’ which was thank- toned muscles and hurled javelins in fully so depressing that I was physically Ifury, I would enjoy an afternoon of impelled to run back to York. I eventually doing absolutely nothing. Occasionally I made it home feeling miserably tired but might go down to the sports field and amuse thankful that I was still alive. The internet myself by watching runners wearing the informed me I had run just over 6 miles: not school’s buttock-bracing athletic shorts, but even a quarter of a Marathon. I never competed. To me, there was simply I embraced the learning curve, however, no logic in running 5000m only to finish in and towards the end of term I was comfort- the same place that an athletic showcase cul- ably completing a six mile run within the city minated in a group of fat kids, strenuously walls. I even started feeling confident. pulling a bit of rope attached to another Unfortunately, from the 1st-7th April, I went group of fat kids was, in my mind, evidence to a theatre festival in Scarborough where I enough that the whole event was ridiculous. had originally planned to continue my train- With such an inauspicious athletic ing by running along Scarborough beach background, you can understand why I was every morning. Inevitably, the nearest I got greeted with screams of laughter when I told to such athletic vision was stumbling onto people I was running the London Marathon. the beach at 4am so I could urinate on a Prior to 2006, I had occasionally run to a few child’s sandcastle with a cigarette dripping bus stops, once ventured into a mild jog dur- out my mouth. During the whole seven days ing a football game and sauntered 22 yards I didn’t even break into a brisk walk, let down a cricket pitch on a number of occa- alone a run. I returned to York with lungs sions, but I’d never come close to the 26 lined with tar, still a bit pissed, knowing I miles it takes to complete a marathon. had two weeks to go before attempting to People change, however, and, back in run a race whose first competitor, November, one of my mother’s friends (a Philippides, actually dropped down dead. long-suffering NHS nurse at the Royal For the following fortnight I was either London Hospital) was having a rant about sleeping or running, and when I went to the fact that none of the hospital staff want- London on the 22nd April I was feeling pret- ed to run the Marathon. Normally, the hos- ty good. I registered, got my official London pital provides runners to fundraise for the Marathon number and, in the spirit of the ‘Friends of the RLH’ (an organisation set up occasion, even bought a can of Lucozade. Of to provide support for the families of those course such enthusiasm quickly waned when taken ill) but, so far, 2006 was drawing a a friend’s birthday party beckoned and with blank and the Marathon deadline was fast it came an obligatory flute of champagne. As approaching. Perhaps ill-advisedly, (proba- I was glugging it down, I did manage to con- bly sipping a glass of Sangria and dragging vince myself that Matthew Pinsent and Steve heavily on a Cuban cigar) I raised my hand Redgrave were probably enjoying a hearty to offer my support. If old Grannies, people bottle of scotch in preparation for the 26 in fancy dress and Gordon Ramsay could run miles they were also due to embark upon the the Marathon, then surely I could as well? A very next day. few days later a ‘Golden Bond London On said morning, I arrived in Marathon Entry Form’ was deposited Greenwich Park ready to run. Having com- William Bowry in full stride, pushing through the torturous pain barrier through my letterbox and suddenly, without pleted a brief warm-up, I positioned myself really knowing how it happened, I was run- in the massive throng of limbering bodies chaffing in the groin area also started to 45 minutes), makes me an elite athlete by ning the London Marathon. and waited. After a few minutes I was on my occur - more pain. My body seemed to be the standards of 1896. Chris Brasher, (the Feeling enthusiastic, I bought a book in way, part of a bounding mass of bodies that falling to bits, while my legs were turning to initial organiser of the first London Oxfam called The Expert’s Guide to was threading its way through London. After jelly. Marathon), described the inaugural 1981 Marathon Training which included a 24- an hour’s running I had completed 7 miles In hindsight, the period around 17 miles runners as “one joyous family, working week training schedule. Flicking through and didn’t feel too bad. I had overtaken a was undoubtedly the worst. I had been run- together, laughing together, achieving the chapters on ‘Dietary Recommendations’ and man dressed as a banana, sped past Elvis ning for nearly 3 hours, was utterly exhaust- impossible”. With this in mind, my memo- ‘Endurance Training’ I realised my training Presley twice and was settling into my natu- ed, had no compulsion to continue and yet ries of the Marathon are not bleeding nip- should have begun in earnest on November ral rhythm. I had even got used to, everytime there was another 9 miles to the finish line. I ples, blisters or pain, but runners who had T- 6th. As it was now nearing the end of the I passed a pub, being subjected to the sight had hit the proverbial ‘runners wall’ and felt shirts with ‘Running for Dad’ or “Running year, a good chunk of my training schedule of fat men clutching pints singing Bruce like I was dragging my broken body (bleed- for Jessica” written across them. They made had already elapsed and I didn’t even own a Springsteen’s “Baby you were born to run”. ing nipples and all) through the streets of it feel wrong to stop running. pair of trainers. Things got worse when the Things were less peachy when, on London. The final mile, however, when I ran Every year, the London Marathon, with trauma of this realisation made me decide to around 14 miles, I hit a problem. My nipples down the Embankment, past Big Ben and participants from all walks of life, raises ‘rest’ during the month of January - better to started to bleed. I don’t mean they started Buckingham Palace, was, on so many levels, around 30 million pounds for charity. Some start mentally fresh in February I felt. lactating blood; it was the abrasion caused breath taking. The sheer elation I felt on fin- will run, some will walk, but that’s of little So on a rather dull morning at the by my T-Shirt that had removed their top ishing the Marathon is something I can’t importance. The Marathon creates a sense of beginning of February, I went jogging. After skin and suddenly I was in the throes of seri- express in words; suffice to say that, almost community: everyone striving towards the running up Hull Rd for fifteen minutes, I ous nipple-agony. For the next 12 miles, immediately after crossing the line, I broke same end. If anyone is thinking about run- passed a large roundabout only to realise I every movement of my T-shirt was greeted down in a pool of tears. ning the London Marathon in 2007, then go was running along the A166. I spent the rest with a sharp bolt of pain from my nipples, After 3 hours, 52 minutes and 56 sec- to www.londonmarathon.com and download of my run breathing in fuel emissions, get- skinned raw. To make matters worse, blisters onds of continuous running I had finished an application pack. I can guarantee it will ting soaked by oncoming vehicles speeding formed on the balls of my feet, which steadi- the London Marathon; a time which, judged be an experience that you never forget. Just through puddles and narrowly evading ly got bigger until it felt like I had a squishy against the winner of the first timed remember to pop some tape on your nipples death as large haulage lorries swerved past golf ball trapped in each shoe. Unpleasant marathon (G. Grigorou who took 3hours and beforehand... M14 Arts 23/05/06 York’s writing workshop

Holly Williams considers the opportunities available for new writers in the theatre scene

n his recent appointment as artis- student, feeling that at this stage, there’s tic director for the Globe theatre, not much difference in ability between Dominic Dromgoole has made a himself and fellow students. Plus, in the Icommitment to emulate the origi- smallness of York’s drama society, it nal conditions of Shakespeare’s Globe, would be impossible “to keep distanced” ‘the greateast new-writing theatre in and let another director get on with it. the history of the world’, when the stage Nick Payne also had reservations about was filled with the recent scribblings of letting someone else direct his work, Will and his contemporaries. If even a citing the importance of finding some- theatre often seen as offering simply an one you can trust to work with. historical experience is showing such a Currently co-directing with John Hoyle interest in new writing, then surely a on his new play, Flourless, they’re aim- university should be a hotbed for it? As ing to achieve a collaborative effect, and we are often told, university offers a the production is “going well – we’re on chance to try out new things, discover the same wavelength”. hidden talents, and even to muck up Then there are the health and safe- spectacularly, but in an environment ty restrictions of university drama. where just to give it a go is encouraged. When I spoke to Nick and John, they But, as anyone who’s penned even the were slightly bemused, having just been odd self-indulgent poem knows, to informed their poster for Flourless will share what you’ve written is no easy feat have to carry a warning: ‘contains mate- When what you’ve written is a play, this rial that may be offensive’. No such can be exaggerated – it has to be messed warning was necessary for around by actors, directors, techies and Whorticulture despite the perhaps designers before your words can reach more controversial inclusions of baby- the ears of a (hopefully) adoring public. licking and frequent use of expletives So does York University offer opportu- (“swearing is big and it is fucking Mathew Lacey, nities for budding young bards? clever”), suggesting that if you want to Will Seaward Look no further than the Drama do something shocking, take it off cam- and Jenny Barn. This term there are two new pus. I wondered if the Drama Barn’s plays, by Chris Bush and Nick Payne, H&S precaution was slapped on Calder in Chris and an adaptation on show, offering a because Flourless is a new piece of stu- Bush’s Man and chance for aspiring writers to see their dent writing – with all its connotations God words onstage and find out what works of being a bit edgy, trying to get a reac- in front of a real live audience. Sophie tion. Nick responded that he’s “not like in performance? Beth Pitts, who’s Gagarin Way at the former and the Larsmon, new chair of Drama Soc, con- interested in really shocking an audi- in the process of writing her first play, wealth of York student productions firms that the society “will be definitely, ence”, aiming instead to get people talk- took advantage of the Monday’s Open going this year to the latter. Both are definitely encouraging new writing”, ing after the play: “A good play gets in Drama Night slot to do a workshop on seen as places for showcasing new writ- and of course new plays work well for your head for weeks . . . hopefully peo- new writing and look at draft play ing, and Chris is hoping that, “although the society financially, as they don’t ple will be able to relate to Flourless, scripts. A more regular writing group is it’s a slim chance, Man and God might have to pay rights. Plus, in the audience, people will want to talk about it.” also being set up. With a website as a get noticed” in Edinburgh. He has set you get the thrill of knowing you might Flourless developed after he spent some forum to post work on, alongside week- up, with other York students, White be watching the early works of York’s time in London last summer, and the ly workshops providing an opportunity Rose Theatre Company and may pursue answer to Harold Pinter. “silent, uneasy atmosphere that was to share work and do some writing this as a way of getting his own work Having your work performed in around after the bombings” influenced exercises, it will hopefully bring togeth- performed after university. Chris also the Barn, necessarily interpreted by fel- the play. The context is implicit, and as er a more solid group of writers and intends to start “bombarding theatres low students, brings its own unique he points out, you now can’t write about lead to rehearsed readings and per- with scripts.” Other post-uni opportuni- curses and blessings and can impact on London without an awareness of the formances. Not forgetting the only ties for those serious about pursuing a what you write. The somewhat claus- July bombings. But while the backdrop thing students have ever autonomously career in theatre writing include trophobic space of the Barn can work for his play may be London at an been allowed to put on in the ridicu- scriptwriting MAs, the route Nick and with what you write – an intense, per- unsteady moment, it is there to support lously under-used Dixon drama studio Sam are both pursuing. So grab the sonal drama can really suit the space. If the drama, to get people thinking and was an evening of new writing! chance to see some hot new talent while you’ve got your sights set on something talking, not to outright offend. Sophie Larsmon is keen for Drama it’s still hanging around in York. spectacular rather than intimate how- Chris Bush’s play Man and God Soc to provide a “safe and supportive ever, then it might be worth venturing was also intended to get audiences atmosphere for creating drama of all Flourless and adaption Cyrano are on further afield. Student-written play thinking, and certainly succeeded in kinds,” obviously including new writing. in the Drama Barn in Weeks 7 and 10. Whorticulture was put on at Stagecoach sparking debate. Not only did I begin The society is currently developing links Theatre in York earlier this year, and the my post-performance interview by with the National Student Drama Man and God, Alice Through the larger space certainly suited this ambi- questioning several alternate interpre- Festival and the Edinburgh Fringe Looking Glass and Nick Payne’s new tious production. From the moment the tations of the ending, someone else also Festival, following the success of play are on in Edinburgh this summer. fast-paced montage of the opening came over halfway through to clear up sequence began, the size of the projec- the same debate they were having over a Advice for new writers tion screens alone leant Sam Haddows’s pint. But Chris thinks the primary pur- astonishing play a sense of scale beyond pose of theatre is to entertain: “by all Get in touch with your local theatres The Bridport Prize is one of the most anything the Drama Barn is capable of. means write plays about ideas, but it’s at home to see if they have any prestigious competitions for poetry Theatre is by its very nature collab- crucial they are presented in an enter- schemes or competitions for and short stories. The deadline is orative, and it can be hard for a writer to taining way. Don’t let your message get new writers. 30th June. see their ‘baby’ interpreted by other stu- in the way of good writing. Have a mes- dents, themselves still developing sage, but first you need firm dialogue to Be aware of a few simple technicali- Check out the BBC website for a directing or acting skills. Chris Bush, make people listen.” ties: never submit handwritten wealth of information on everything who directed his own plays, Olympia But what if you’re still in the fledg- scripts, double space, use font that is from getting the creative juices going and Man and God in the Barn, is reluc- ling stages of writing, and fancy devel- easy to read and only put text on one to showcasing your work to a wider tant to give artistic control to another oping your work, or just seeing what it’s side of the page. audience. 23/05/06 Reviews M15 Arts Reviews

Rosanna Trigg and Holly Williams take a look at Man and God and Blasted - two controversial productions for this term, one playing on and one off campus

o man, and certainly no student at of faith in anything not endorsed by the being critically acclaimed, yet actually very an audience to probe a little deeper into York University, can claim to know media. In fact, it seems unsurprising that in few productions of it are staged in Britain. just what is going on and why. There were the answers to the questions posed the end it is Michael, the eloquent and The Graeae production offers a first chance inconsistencies, however, with regards to Nby modern cynicism. However a organised yet one dimensional female angel, to see this controversial play outside London, how many of the spoken directions were valiant attempt at some humorous that Claire eventually chooses to accept as and the first interpretation of the play by a also acted, and at times it felt like the pro- philosophising is always welcomed by the the new God. Jenny Calder is well cast as this disabled company. Set up in 1980, Graeae duction lost some of its impact owing to so Drama Barn audience, and Chris Bush’s appealing public face of heaven as she pres- create work that is both performed by, and many of the truly disturbing images only newest offering certainly proves more satisfy- ents a more consistent and media friendly accessible to, disabled people. Blasted seems being spoken. ing than the traditional drunken debate. deity than the robe clad original. Through a particularly appropriate play for their The choice not to use blood or attempt Indeed, an answer to the question of whether her, Bush suggests that truth has been accessible aesthetic, and the use of disabled to simulate the more graphic moments a God flawed enough to have created an replaced by something more in keeping with actors allows new interpretations of the (Ian eating the baby for example) may also imperfect world would be accepted by its nat- changing public ideals. script. Gerard McDermott, a powerful pres- have softened the blow of the play, yet urally sceptical inhabitants is attempted with The plain white costumes and scant set, ence as Ian, the dying middle-aged journalist staged as it was in the intimate setting of wit and originality. with its juxtaposed symbols of traditional who rapes a younger girl in a hotel room in the studio theatre, the decision to eschew The discourse of the piece flows natural- religion and modern society, ensure that the Leeds, is blind. This sets up interesting reso- tricks and props seemed like a wise one. ly, allowing the audience to suspend their dis- uncommon strength of the script takes cen- nances in the second half of the play, where The intimacy of the setting and the feroci- belief as they watch the archangels struggle tre stage throughout the performance. Ian has his eyes sucked out. Similarly, the ty of both script and performance meant with the public image of a slightly incompe- Whether you agree with Man and God’s con- physical frailty of actress Jennifer-Jay Ellison that no guns or blood were necessary to tent and eccentric God. Will Seaward bravely troversial subject matter or find it blasphe- strengthens her portrayal of the vulnerable convey the violence and cruelty of the tackles the daunting role of the creator of mous and offensive, it cannot be denied that Cate. world that Kane exposes. Blasted forges mankind with a vulnerability that makes his Bush makes his point both explicit and plau- Kane’s script includes stage directions links between personal violence - the abuse flaws seem all the more human and therefore sible. that are intended to be read aloud. For a of power in Ian and Cate’s relationship in disturbing. This deficiency in charisma on The York Theatre Royal has also been company who does this anyway (in order to the first half - and political violence, where God’s part makes the public preference for tackling controversial themes with the recent increase the accessibility of the performance in the second half the hotel room is literal- the polished Man, played by Andy Birnie, production of Blasted, performed by touring for a blind audience) this ‘felt like a gift’ for ly blasted apart, and Leeds gives way to worryingly believable. Sophie Reynolds, play- theatre company Graeae. artistic director Jenny Sealey. The reading of some hellish warzone. This unsettling pro- ing Claire, the undervalued assistant to Sarah Kane’s first play is infamous as the stage directions produces a distancing effect, duction illuminates our human capacity Matthew Lacey’s oddly faithless angel most shocking example of ’90s, in-yer-face and prevents some of the violence of the for brutality, and the cyclical, perpetuating Gabriel, plausibly represents the modern loss theatre, which fuelled tabloid fury as well as piece from being too gratuitous, encouraging nature of acts of violence.

Enemy Combatant: A British The Accidental Chroniclers of the Wind Muslim’s Journey to Guantanamo and Back Ali Smith Henning Mankell Moazzam Begg (with Victoria Brittain) Reviewed by Reviewed by Reviewed by Sharmin Ahammad Amy Milka Ella Paremain

£7.99 £12.99 £18.99 Penguin Books Harvill Secker Free Press

The Accidental, winner of the prestigous Whitbread Chroniclers of the Wind marks a departure from author Following closely in the wake of Michael Winterbottom’s award, is a quirky novel sewn together in a patchwork Henning Mankell’s usual line of crime fiction, although it film The Road to Guantanamo comes Moazzam Begg’s of exuberantly refreshing and vivid narratives. Set dur- explores some similar thematic issues. The novel is full of lit- autobiography Enemy Combatant, which provides yet ing a family holiday in Norfolk, Smith weaves in and tle amusing but sad anecdotes about a street urchin in an another shocking account of life in the infamous Cuban out of the insular, funny, poignant interior worlds of unnamed African port town, Nelio, renowned throughout detainment camp. No doubt in the years to come there the Smart family. the city for living on his wits. It is also about Jose Antonio will be a growing proliferation of such testimonies, each There is twelve year old Astrid, who like her name, Maria Vaz, a baker who hears gunfire and finds Nelio on his offering their own catalogue of criticism against the polit- burns with astronomical verve as she captures her roof. ical leaders which cast them into a “black hole of deten- eccentric childhood days on camera; seventeen year old At the age of five, Nelio watched bandits burn his village tion”, as the English court of appeal put it in a judgment Magnus who is tormented with the knowledge that he to the ground and massacre his people. When ordered to on a November 2002 case that went far in highlighting is partly responsible for a trick that led to a girl’s sui- shoot another boy, he turned the gun on the bandit and ran, the plight of the Guantanamo detainees. Yet, whilst Begg’s cide; Dr Michael Smart, a lecherous lecturer who insid- making his way to the coast and encountering a bizarre char- narrative does indeed contain savage criticism of the Bush iously and irresponsibly seduces his students; and acter en route who gave him guidance. Upon arrival in the and Blair administrations, it is his surprisingly generous finally Eve, a historical novelist, who discovers that, city, Nelio joined a rough street gang, and began a very dif- attitude toward some of his captors and his sense of despite recent literary success, she lacks any remark- ferent way of life. humour which resonates. able stories to tell. However, when the mysterious and Comical elements are balanced by Mankell's realism, In a world of polarities, where the media and politi- ruddy “Amber” emerges on their doorstep, a new focus most likely created from his own experience as the director cians alike are quick to demonise either side of the ‘War infuses their lives, drawing them towards a light that of Teatro Avenida (Street Theatre) in Mozambique's capital on Terror’, Begg’s measured response is a breath of fresh will alter their lives irreparably. Maputo and his long involvement in AIDS awareness pro- air, humanising where all humanity had been stripped Smith’s high-spirited style, fruity wordplay and grammes there. It is difficult to tell if the book is intended away. The penetrating description of his treatment in the uncanny capacity to evoke the tone of her protagonists’ just to show a picture of misery or provide a solution to it. camp is punctuated with anecdotal tales and poetry writ- narratives, renders The Accidental an inspiring and Although Jose decides to become a "chronicler of the wind" ten while in isolation - hope persisting on the very thresh- unrelenting tour de force of human folly, fate and self- by telling Nelio's story, it is unclear if he will carry out his old of despair. discovery. The form of this semi-experimental novel is new calling by whispering to African storm-clouds or take Whatever your politcal standpoint, Enemy both thought-provoking and intriguing. By turns up arms against them. Mankell's portrayal of the harrowing Combatant is a compelling tale of survival, told in a humorous, playful and tender, The Accidental will children's ordeal is remarkable, and makes for compelling detailed and unpretentious manner, which for some will linger long after you’ve turned the last page. reading. no doubt prove an uncomfortable read. M16 Reviews 23/05/06 Film Reviews

The Da Vinci Code strike the necessary balance between the extensive ‘talky’ parts and the adrenalin - Director:Ron Howard boosting action and adventure. The movie With:Tom Hanks,Audrey Tautou becomes weighed down by ponderous intel- lectual expositions and theological jargon. Runtime:149 min Many have criticised stars Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou as woefully miscast. In Reviewed by Hank’s case this isn’t entirely justifiable, but Rob Perkins regardless of the actor’s suitability, the main problem for both stars is that neither charac- Every year a few films are hyped to the high ter is charismatic enough to let the actors heavens prior to their release. Such excessive inject the chemistry which could have trumpeting is often treacherous because it enlivened the flat narrative. Tautou in partic- raises expectations which inevitably far out- ular has astonishingly little to do throughout strip the film’s capacity to deliver. Unless the apart from a slightly perplexed reaction shot. film is phenomenal, it will fail to live up to The sparks of credibility and entertainment, the media circus. This has been the case with if they are to be found anywhere, are in the The Da Vinci Code which has promised so supporting cast: Jean Reno, the ever won- much, but has massively failed to deliver. derful Sir Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, and The story follows unlikely hero Robert in particular Paul Bettany as the sinister Langdon, a Harvard symbologist who albino monk, Silas. Silas represents the main becomes embroiled in a convoluted murder problem with this film: the lack of balance. mystery regarding the Catholic Church and While Paul Bettany is a great actor, and is an ancient sect’s battle over the true nature of superb as the desperate and terrifying hit- the Holy Grail. Ron Howard has remained man monk, he is also criminally underused admirably faithful to the original plot, and the reaction from the audience does not although, inevitably, there are areas which reflect the potential that the character had. have been ‘adapted’ to suit the Hollywood Ron Howard seems so cautious in his style. retelling that the film adds nothing new, and What is perhaps the film’s greatest flaw is therefore instantly forgettable as a story. is that it fails to translate the excitement and Its real positives (like Hank Zermin’s per- intrigue of the novel to the big screen. The fectly eerie score) are lost in the confused massive controversy and fast-paced enter- and complacent quagmire. Whilst the book tainment which is embedded in the original was one of the most talked about of the story is not so adequately reflected by the decade, the film will not be remembered this film, which is so terrified of causing offence time next year and it is disappointing to that it stumbles back from both stepping on report that The Da Vinci Code is overblown, toes and raising heartbeats. Fatally, it is actu- long-winded and neither as engaging nor as ally quite dull in places. Howard fails to entertaining as one would have hoped.

Colman), a tennis themed wedding (Stephen Mission Impossible 3 trivances, of course, but that’s more or less to Confetti Mangan and Meredith MacNeill) and a be expected. The main attraction is the inter- musical wedding (Martin Freeman and Director:J.J.Abrams national action set-pieces. These are never Director:Debbie Isitt Jessica Stevenson). The result is a light- With:Tom Cruise, Philip Seymour Hoffman disappointing, but still fail to deliver the With:Jessica Stevenson,Martin Freeman hearted, ridiculous and cringing silliness, excitement which should accompany them. which is just what to expect from such a Runtime:126 min The main problem to point out (and it’s Runtime:119 min bunch. If there's one thing that this lot are hard to miss) is Cruise. As important as it is good at it’s that genuine fly-on-the-wall doc- Reviewed by to detach the artist from the art, it’s a strug- Reviewed by umentary feeling, and this is the film's great- Dave Coates gle to ingore the nagging feeling that this is Dan Kipling est strength. Martin Freeman's reactions, his party, and we’ve been graciously invited true to The Office, are brilliant (particularly to watch. The sequence in which Cruise in relation to his mother- and sister-in-laws sprints down a busy Shanghai street, for to be), and Mangan shines with his charac- instance, is impressive but it knocks out the teristic petulantly blunt outbursts. timing of the scene, and eases the tension. Stealing the show, though, are the two This happens repeatedly, and it becomes just wedding planners (Jason Watkins and too tempting to make the jump into real life. Vincent Franklin): stereotypically, two camp, He is the centre of his universe, and too often wailing eccentrics who, in contrast to the it’s possible to see the man overwhelming the normal irritation caused by such roles, pro- character. vide the best laughs. Improvised around a Though it goes against the grain for a rough script, the film is all the more impres- film of this size, it is in behind the lead per- sive for its comic excellence, but one unfortu- formance that the film shines. Philip nate result is flabby dialogue that drags on a Seymour Hoffman (unfortunately under- number of occasions and ultimately leaves us used) is hands-down the best thing going as clinging onto the actors’ reactions for the an unrepentant psychopath. Simon Pegg’s humour. This is not a quotable film. performance as a nervous techie is notewor- Jimmy Carr, furthermore, is far too soft- thy, but over far too soon, while Laurence spoken to make a ruthless magazine editor, Fishburne and Billy Crudup give credible and his humour regularly falls flat because efforts as Hunt’s office-bound superiors. The the character is an arrogant and irritating spies-in-the-field team of Ving Rhames, softie. The final wedding “shows” also drag, Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Maggie Q are and smack of a low budget. They leave us The Oscars are done and dusted, and decent enough, as is Hunt’s wife (Michelle The CVs of the actors in Confetti read like a questioning the gaping plot holes but, worst Hollywood is back to doing what it does best. Monaghan), but the attempts to give the film list of British cringe comedy: to name but a of all, neglect the potential of Mark Heap This year promises a bumper crop: emotional depth are mediocre at best, and few, there is talent from Green Wing, Spaced, (surely everyone's favourite consultant radi- Superman Returns, X-men: The Last Stand, former Alias director JJ Abrams seems The Office, Peep Show and My Family and ologist in Green Wing), who is a boring and Poseidon, The Da Vinci Code, even the happy enough to resort to stock characters Other Animals on show. Expectations for unanimated registrar. ‘instant classic’ Snakes on a Plane. It seems and stilted sentiment over engaging charac- such an ensemble are deservedly high, and For light comic relief, Confetti ticks all fitting that the biggest of the lot, Mission: ter development. Confetti makes excellent use of its resources, the boxes. It has all the elements we love and Impossible 3, should lead the way. That said, Mission: Impossible 3 pro- but it is also tinged with a certain disappoint- hate about the comedies that made its cast The plot is fairly standard: Cruise’s vides enough excitement to fill its two-hour ment. famous. Don’t go expecting hilarity, though. secret agent Ethan Hunt is forced to recover runtime, and there are plenty of twists in the The pitch: three couples battle it out to This film has enough to keep you chuckling, a priceless weapon referred to as ‘the Rabbit’s plot, though at times it seems weighed down win a new house by providing the most orig- but just doesn’t have the magic of the likes of Foot’, (presumably a WMD) for a villainous by its star. It is perfectly passable as a sum- inal wedding to a panel of judges from Green Wing and The Office. It seems that it arms dealer before his kidnapped wife is mer blockbuster, but movie fans will have 'Confetti' wedding magazine. On offer is a takes more than a few cringe actors to make murdered. There are plot holes and con- hoped for more. naturist wedding (Robert Webb and Olivia these sitcoms what they are. 23/05/06 Reviews M17 Music Reviews

electronic dance beats and lighting effects Radiohead Reviewed by Mike builds a sense of euphoria, and the ballroom McGovern at times resembles a rave rather than a rock Live at the Empress Ballroom, concert. The band confidently mixes estab- Blackpool 13/05/06 lished material with new tracks - some get- Singles ting their first airings - ranging from jazzy pieces to my own favourite, combining more electronica-influenced drumbeats with a Reviews high octane, dirty garage rock riff from a Blackpool is rough as hell. Walk down the swaggering Jonny Greenwood. promenade, and you’ll be confronted with Meanwhile, Tom Yorke is on excellent drunken stag parties cavorting with similarly form. He dances round the stage, flirts with a inebriated slag parties - bits hanging out and keyhole camera mounted on his piano and all - set against the backdrop of lap dancing sports a Transylvanian accent for his clubs and sex shops. Not a pretty sight. But exchanges with the crowd. But he doesn’t the Empress Ballroom provides a remedy: its neglect politics either, at one point launching Buck 65 - Devil’s Eyes beauty (barrel-vaulted ceiling complete with into a scathing attack on the media’s treat- chandeliers), combined with a support set ment of Hugo Chavez. As the gig progresses, If we had a single of the week, this would be from the excellent Willy Mason, creates a more classic Radiohead is brought out, with it, especially for the b-side ‘Blood of a Young sense of calm in the venue. The crowd seem ‘Karma Police’ and the newer ‘There There’. Wolf’. ‘Devil’s Eyes’ is a dark and haunting friendlier and happier than at your average But it’s not until the two encores that slice of Nova Scotian hip-hop, with a sinister gig, but why wouldn’t you be when you’re Radiohead really unleash their back cata- string section. Buck 65 is a rapper of some about to see the best band in the world in logue; the first contains the power soaked sophistication, not only able to rattle off such an intimate arena? ‘Just’ and ‘The Bends’ back to back, whilst the lyrics at speed when the occasion calls for it, Radiohead start their set with second is dominated by OK Computer. but also able to produce poignant arrays of ‘Everything In Its Right Place’, and build Radiohead play out with ‘Paranoid Android’, images to tell his backwoods stories. with songs from their last three albums, from leaving the crowd crying out for more. There ‘2+2=5’ to ‘Idioteque’. The combination of truly is no other band that compares. Less Than Jake - Overrated (Everything Is) Yep, that includes this single. Now that they’ve lost the horn section, they’re indis- tinguishable from Sum 41, Blink 182 Bowling for Soup and a host of other baggy- shorted, angsty, whining green haired goons. Radio 4 - Enemies Like This

Apparently, they’ve ‘stripped back’ their sound. Not a great move on this evidence. It’s not that ‘Enemies Like This’ is a bad song, it’s just that, where so many of the tracks on Gotham! jumped out and ordered the listener to dance, ‘Enemies Like This’ blends slightly insipidly into the indie back- ground. Tilly and the Wall Reviewed by Neil Young Reviewed by Serena-Maneesh Reviewed by The Automatic - Monster Robin Seaton Robin Seaton Emma Fite-Wassilak Fibbers, Living With War Serena-Maneesh There’s nothing quite like a novelty single, York 18/05/06 Out Now Out 26/06/06 and ‘Monster’ falls firmly into that category. “What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Is it a monster?” they sing, and it’s clear they’re not referring to some cuddly Shrek-a-like, but an evil rock ‘n’ roll beast, Tilly and the Wall are, as a concept, brilliant: Neil Young’s latest album comes with a sense The US government should reconsider their drunken, sweaty and stinking of old fag five stylish Nebraskans, playing happy sum- of urgency in tow, arriving hot on the heels of choice of music for use in torture: instead of smoke. Entertaining, like being shouted at mer songs about boys and girls, with a tap his last, Prairie Wind. It was written in two Metallica, Serena-Maneesh would be far by a friendly drunk. dancer as percussion. This gig should have weeks, and released over the internet before more effective. Each song sounds as if it been fantastic, and, on record, many of their the CDs began to shoot off the presses. Let’s could potentially be good, but good begin- Revere - Skin songs are excellent, especially ‘Bad be clear: this is as anti-war an album as you nings are dragged out to last at least six min- Education’ and ‘Reckless’. Notably, these could hope (or fear) to find. utes. Add to the boredom of that off-tempo, Weirdly, no-one’s been calling them the new songs, available on their website, were easily Self-consciously polemical, Young is also distant vocals, random sounds issued from Radiohead, although, judging by this single, the best on the night. clear about the album’s place in the history of various different instruments (also out of it shouldn’t be long before someone does. The Tillys started well, coming on stage protest music: ‘Flags of Freedom’ refers to time), and off-key guitar solos, and after They’ll be wrong of course, but the compar- chanting “T-I-L-L-Y! We don’t give a fuck!” Bob Dylan in both its lyrics and title. In inter- three songs (or less), one begins to feel as if ison’s not too inaccurate, if a little too flatter- like off-kilter cheerleaders. Despite the views, Young commented that he was “wait- someone is scraping their nails along the ing. Still, someone probably called Thirteen chanting, the show soon became sickly sweet, ing for…some young singer 18 to 22 years old inside of your skull. Senses the new Radiohead at some point, and, while the band themselves clearly took to write these songs. Maybe the generation Sometimes they are almost successful in and Revere shouldn’t be put in the same toe- the tap dancing seriously, it began to feel a that has to do this is still the ’60s generation. attempting a pop or indie sound, but the rest curling bracket as the likes of them. little gimmicky too. We’re still here”. of the time their attempts to branch out and When playing their best songs, Tilly and Frequent references to Colin Powell, do something different are, well, too far out Placebo – Infra-Red the Wall were great, and a euphoric response Illinois senator Barack Obama and flat- there. There’s a reason no one’s tried these was evident on almost every face. However, it screen TVs root this collection of songs even ideas before: they’re rubbish. Like many “One last thing before I shuffle off the plan- was a massive disappointment that a band more firmly in the present. Young’s opposi- Nordic bands they have a fascination with et”, pipes Brian, querulously, keen to remind with such potential just didn’t have enough tion to Bush is made clear. draggingly long songs (perhaps it has some- us that he’s not dead yet. It’s got a slightly good songs to sustain their performance. On ‘Let’s Impeach the President’ he thing to do with the long winters) and this, nonsensical chorus, in which Brian claims to The crowd response seemed heavily turns Dubya’s ‘flip-flop’ taunt against the along with the bizarre noises masking their be able to see in the dark, as he’s “coming up polarised, into those who fell in love with the president himself, alternating shouts of musical proficiency, is their downfall. on infra-red”, although how he’s managed to Tillys’ tales of teenage adventure, heartbreak “Flip!” and “Flop!” with soundbites of Bush The non-structure of their songs is clear- ingest light is left as a mystery. and cross-dressing, and those for whom the saying completely contradictory things. It’s a ly meant to be questioning traditional song incessant sweetness became unbearable. In little bit Michael Moore, possibly a bit child- writing, which is admirable as an aspiration, Singles were reviewed by Mike McGovern, the end, it seemed that the people who ish, but hearing Bush shooting his mouth off but in practice simply makes listening a Sara Sayeed and Robin Seaton enjoyed themselves the most were the band. is always pretty entertaining. chore. M18 Reviews 23/05/06 Food and Drink Reviews

mushroom duxelle (with tomato relish and sage infused jus) provoked its own moments Vanilla Black Reviewed by Emma Fite-Wassilak of ecstatic pleasure, though it became too 26 Swinegate rich after a while. The baked portabella mushroom and brioche crumble (with red cabbage marmalade and brown tamarind Th sauce) was not quite as striking, though still delicious; the cabbage marmalade didn’t Vanilla Black does not serve your typical stu- seem to bring much to the dish, it seemed as dent fodder. The dress code is business-casu- though the chef just wanted to randomly add al, reservations are recommended, and the extra ingredients. prices are quite high. The setting is small and When it came to dessert, my compan- cosy and the staff are attentive, if a bit over- ions chose the white and dark chocolate eager. The use of seasonal produce and regu- cheesecake with raspberry puree, while I lar rotation mean that the vegetarian menu decided on the cinnamon braised apple with (with vegan options) does not have a great vanilla pod ice cream and almond crisp. The range of selection. cheesecake was divine, the raspberry perfect- Which Ben Wines are not cheap (the cheapest bottle ly complementing its richness. My apple being £11.95) on account of their organic, arrived with layers of biscuit and ice cream. vegetarian production, but beverages such as Attempts to eat the creation, however, & Jerry’s? cider are reasonable. The menu is preten- required some hacking, and were disappoint- tious, using culinary phrases that confuse the ing after the standard of the previous dishes. Mellowed by the gorgeous summer sunshine average layman, and, when the food arrived, Despite my complaints of the preten- the Bar and Restaurant team decided to it looked correspondingly over-presented. tious nature of Vanilla Black’s dishes, howev- diverge from their normal Which? method Despite being sceptical of the small (but rea- er, the meal was amazing, satisfying to even of making it up as we go along. Instead, we sonably portioned) towers of food, the taste ardent carnivores, and well worth the £20 assembled a motley crew of testers, all on a was superb. The mille feuille of truffled per person. mission to gorge themselves on premium ice cream. Seven girls, one boy, four pints of ice cream and fifty plastic spoons later, we were able to draw some conclusions. Here’s how we got on… The Bay Horse Reviewed by Ask Reviewed by Alley Cats Reviewed by 105 Main Street, Marisa Tuffnell Lucy Peden 3,Coffee Yard Ella Paremain Peace of Cake, £3.78 Fulford Blake Street This ice cream creation is based on the tradi- tional strawberry cheesecake, so we were happy to find bits of ‘real’ fruit and biscuit when we delved our spoons into the tub. The extra crunch provided by the biscuit was loved by all, however we couldn’t help think- ing that the strawberry flavour was some- what superficial. Despite the lack of straw- berry taste sensation, this ice cream has real addictive potential. Oh My Apple Pie, £3.78 This was a favourite with our esteemed edi- tor who declared it to be “well nice”. The rest of us were rather more discerning, and although we decided it was rich, sweet and refreshing, the “real pie crust” was a bizarre touch, as the salty nuggets of exploding pas- try did not seem to bond with the cinnamon infused ice cream. Still, why go to the trouble of buying a separate pie and ice cream when you can buy the whole thing in one tub? Phish Food, £3.78 Deciding it had been a while since our last Like Tiffany’s, nothing bad could ever hap- When roaming the network of snickleways, roast dinner, my friends and I turned our pen to a girl at the York Assembly Rooms. desperately attempting to escape the hoards This ice cream was the clear winner amongst backs on town and went to Fulford to sample The pillars of rose coloured marble are easy of tourists that have suddenly decided to our tasting panel. Incorporating smiley the Sunday Carvery at The Bay Horse. on the eye, erring on the side of kitsch ele- descend on York, I stumbled across Alley chocolate fish, caramel swirls, marshmallow This was a meal wracked with indeci- gance rather than imposing grandeur. Cats. Tucked secretly next to Barley Hall in nuggets and a whole lot of chocolatey good- sion: firstly, out of a choice of beef, pork or One can imagine Jane Austen types the aptly named Coffee Yard, this café-bar is ness, it’s not hard to see why the tub soon turkey, which meat to go for? Then came the going to balls here, getting all flustered the ideal retreat at the heart of city. became empty. The sweet oozing caramel is Yorkshire puddings, one or two? What a because they had just danced with Colonel Offering a wide selection of snacks and nicely complemented by the soft marshmal- ridiculous question – as these were going to Shennanagins and he dared to glance at their meals, Alley Cats is open between 12 noon lows, and chocolate fish blend together nice- be my first Yorkshire puddings in Yorkshire it ankle. Going on this assumption, a prospec- and 11pm, with seating inside and out. They ly to provide the epitome of sickly treats. was always going to be two. (Especially after tive diner might expect teeny tiny parcels of serve tasty traditional pub food in generous a traumatic experience in The Charles where smoked salmon surrounding an ernest portions, however it is the relaxed, classy and Chocolate Therapy, £3.78 not only did my meal come later than every- guardsman of asparagus, Black Forest gateau romantic atmosphere that is memorable, and one else’s, but I was regretfully informed that for pudding - you get the idea. Sadly, myself the location is perfect for those group photos At this point, Kate had surrounded herself they had run out of Yorkshire puddings and and my companion were a little inebriated. you keep meaning to take. with what was left of the test cases. Through had thus been given extra broccoli.) However, the waiting staff danced atten- Although not the cheapest option, this is a mouthful of pie, cake and phishy goodness However, as my friend pointed out, dance on us in a manner that was nothing the perfect place for when you are feeling she was heard to mutter “needs more space can be maximised by placing things short of charming. particularly sophisticated, or in need of some caramel”. There was a general consensus inside the Yorkshire puddings, as well as sim- We shared a starter of hazelnut pate, post-exams/essay therapy. I was particularly that, although this was most appropriate for ply piling more and more on top. The extras which was dense, nutty and so rich that I was taken with their impossibly layered café latte. pyjama bound girls with boy trouble, the included potatoes, new, roasted or mashed, absolutely full by the time by ravioli alla However, the unfortunate downside here is combination of textures made it super-sexy various vegetables and even stuffing. pesche arrived. The delicate salmon flavour being gawped at by the few tourists who do and the depth of the cocoa rich chocolate As there were no available seats in the was complemented by the firmness of the discover the labyrinth, in particular when the holds itself on one’s tongue in a very naughty main part of the pub, we ate in a room at the hand made pasta but sadly this was marred Hidden York tour passes; evidently my brie way. back that lacked the cosy pub atmosphere by the oiliness of the sauce. My companion and mushroom baguette was infinitely more Reviewers: Vicky Hallam, Lucy Peden,Toby that is so comforting on a Sunday afternoon. ordered the honeycomb cheesecake which I interesting than what educational morsels Green, Marisa Tuffnell, Clare Croskery, However, the food was good and plentiful, stole. We are no longer on speaking terms but the colossal 'monk' had to impart. Definitely Ellen Carpenter, Kate Smith & Jo Shelley and for only about £6, it was pretty reason- it was so crunchily creamily perfect as to be worth a visit for those seeking a historical able as well. worth it. haven, if you can find it. 23/05/06 Last word M19 The last word Andreas Masoura spurts his satirical love juice over the week’s events

own right, an example being the last protein shake, (raw eggs mixed with milk- select those tasty Fruit Pastels. Those poor Bars. Well, not Goodricke event which provided McQ’s with shake) this gentleman’s concoction will Third World children, you contemplate as about 350 customers. Rather than staff the ensure they do not get as comprehensively you put on a pair of trainers whose produc- for much longer. bar accordingly, it was staffed minimally, out-muscled next year. Boys, stop fannying tion probably caused the death of several ensuring huge waiting times at the bar and about with milkshakes and eat some proper workers in Cambodia. When you decide to go lost profit. I don’t think these people could food. to the event because there’s nothing better to Due to missed profit targets (since over- sell a bottle of water to Bin Laden in the do you will probably ram as much free choco- all bar profits were positive), bar opening dessert after he’d spent two years running late down your throat as possible while you times have been significantly reduced, in a from the Americans. show off your Fair Trade stripey t-shirt to fel- move that will inevitably pave the way for York Terrorist low revellers. Fair Trade is the future, but for complete closure of some college bars. now Kit Kat chunky tastes better. If this does Apparently York is a university. Rather than Wanted: Fairly dark complexion, suspi- not represent the attitude of the average York catering for students, this fiasco has rein- Protein shakes cious looking, large beak, occasionally wears student consumer, then I apologise for my forced the idea that the university exists pri- a headscarf. Yes, Members of Goodricke inaccuracy. marily as a profit maximising business rather What’s that Dave? (Says Andreas point- College are being intimidated by a psychotic than as a provider of a suitable environment ing to a massive bucket of powder) Errr, goose that, according to one eyewitness in which to take a degree. I suppose the Protein Shake. It’s the strawberry one. account, “chased me into the lake by pecking library will be closed down if they don’t gen- Apparently a certain student is cashing at my face.” I suggest one of the following Facebook erate enough revenue from the fines. Books in on the rugby club’s failure to win at Roses. options. Either people stop acting like five are required for study in the same way that Having found the perfect formula for a cheap year old girls or give me half an hour with a A phenomenon that has hit York harder bars provide a sense of community within the shotgun. Problem solved. than bird flu. Degrees have been destroyed, colleges, in which to study. Without bars the not as a consequence of the AUT strike but collegiate system would evaporate since col- because of the arrival of Facebook. For those leges would merely provide rooms to sleep in. of you who did not believe or realise the true I think the problem could be resolved quite Kit Kat Chunky, extent of York’s close knit community, simply. If the University can’t successfully Facebook provides diagrammatic evidence. run a few bars amidst several thousand peo- by Nestle You are connected to absolutely everyone ple whose primary purpose in life is drinking through your friends and so can track down (the phrase ‘piss-up in a brewery’ comes to A fine, crispy, wafer based chocolate bar information on and communicate with more mind), then I think there needs to be some made with cocoa so delicious you can taste or less anyone you see, as a friend of mine answers. No excuses please. Especially ones the Third World’s suffering caused by its pro- soon discovered. A certain female who had a like ‘the JCRCs are not doing enough to duction. Nestle are sponsoring the next dislike for him (not sure why) used Facebook attract people’. Well, firstly, it’s not their job Goodricke event, aptly named Chocolate. to track him down and deliver the most ven- to since they are not getting paid to. A vicious mob of Goodricke geese Outrageous, many of you must be thinking as omous written attack I have ever read. Anything they do should be appreciated in its you put 50p in the vending machine and Facebook means the end of the ‘player’. We have hit tragic times in York. M20 Listings 23/05/06

Clockwise from top left: The cast of the Rocky Horror Show; An example of Jackie Stonehouse’s artwork; Kate Winslet in Romance and Cigarettes; a scene from the eagerly anticipated Brick; and a character from the latest X-Men film Live Music Campus Events

Tuesday 23rd May, amongst others. Thursday, Week 5 bit disastrous. 65 Days of Static, Fibbers Comedy Night, Wentworth This gig comes highly recommended by Wednesday 31st May, YUSU comedy nights, organised alongside Saturday, Week 5 those at Fibbers and is sure to be a good Futureheads, L eeds U niversity S tudent the Comedy Society, are always popular and Club D, Derwent night. As part of the Kerrang tour, 65 Days Union compere Dan Atkinson has even got his own Club D is always considered one of the best of Static are supported by The Disco Their debut album was a success in 2004 and fanbase on campus! This is guaranteed to be nights on campus and this night should be Ensemble and The Morning After Girls. this gig follows the release of their eagerly something different to the usual drunken no different. Buying tickets in advance from Buy your tickets online at awaited second album out on the 29th May, night in a bar campus event. Your:Shop is highly recommended. www.fibbers.co.uk. entitled News and Tributes. Friday, Week 5 Saturday, Week 6 Tuesday 23rd May, Thursday 1st June Playboy Mansion, Chocolate, Goodricke Beach Party, Alcuin Orson, Leeds Met Student Union Zero 7, Leeds Met Student Union Derwent is the feeder bar for this night’s The weather may not be good enough for If you’re more of a pop or R’n’B fan, then a They won Best Newcomer at the Brits in event, so head there first to buy your tickets, sunbathing, but head on over to Alcuin, trip to Leeds will be more to your taste 2002 but have been a bit quiet recently. Well have a few drinks and take part in the (you never know, it could be sunny at such tonight. See the recent sensation Orson worth the trip to Leeds to see what they have karaoke. Just be careful not to drink too dizzy heights) don your shorts, flip-flops showcase their latest hit No Tomorrow to offer in 2006. much; the long walk to Goodricke could be a and sunglasses and party the night away. Art and Performance Cinema

Until Friday 26th May what not to wear (stripes apparently!) and The Da Vinci Code (12A) X-Men: The Last Stand (tbc) Jackie S tonehouse E xhibition, Norman general Rocky Horror etiquette. An all star cast of Tom Hanks, Audrey Tatou, Halle Berry, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen Rea Gallery, Langwith Ian McKellen and Paul Bettany bring Dan and the rest of the cast from the other X- Mainly abstract landscapes of the Yorkshire Friday 26th May- Saturday 17th June Brown’s bestselling and highly controversial Men films return for the last installment of countryside. The exhibition is only on for a Two, York Theatre Royal. book to the big screen. A must-see if you are the trilogy. How will it all end? See this if few more days, so head down to Langwith Written by Jim Cartwright, this play depicts a fan, but be warned that reviews from the you enjoyed the other movies as it is sure to and get a taste of the countryside. a typical evening in a northern pub - some- Cannes Film Festival weren’t favourable. continue in the same fashion. thing I think we are all familiar with! The Until Saturday 27th May two actors play fourteen different characters Brick (15) Romance and Cigarettes (15) Rocky Horror Show, Grand Opera House ranging from an old woman to a young boy. This directorial debut for Rian Johnson, star- Kate Winslet follows in the footsteps of For one week only, the legendary rock and ring Joseph Gordon-Levitt is an intriguing Catherine Zeta-Jones and Nicole Kidman roll musical hits York. If you have never Saturday 27th May- Saturday 17th June drama mystery. It follows the story of a young by starring in her own modern day musical. seen this before then reading the ‘Virgin’s Pygmalion, York Theatre Royal student who will go to any lengths to find his Set in contemporary working-class New Survival Guide’ on the website www.rocky- The non-musical version of My Fair Lady girlfriend after she goes missing. Judging by York, Winslet plays the lover in a sordid love horror.co.uk is highly recommended. It follows the story of cockney flower girl Eliza the trailers, this film appears very fast-mov- triangle while Susan Sarandon stars as the gives invaluable advice on what to wear, Doolittle. ing and is already tipped for much success. jilted wife.

SPONSORED BY SNAPPY SNAPS 10 Politics The apathetic generation The Campus Lucy Cranshaw goes to the Power Commision in Westminster to investigate why nobody seems to care about politics anymore Soapbox

hat has hap- By Tim Holmes occupied territories. Despite pened to democ- Student Action for the government's public pos- racy in Britain? Palestine turing, Britain has since sold WCitizens are now Israel leg-irons, electric becoming increasingly disen- t is a fairly basic moral shock belts, chemical and gaged. The Power principle that we are biological agents, categories Commission was set up to primarily responsible covering mortars, rocket investigate how these worry- Ifor actions we commit launchers, anti-tank ing trends might be reversed. ourselves - or help others weapons, military explosives, So on a wet and windy commit - and not for those infrared and radar sensors. Saturday morning I found committed by others. It fol- myself in Westminster, feel- lows that, as citizens in a ‘This April there ing a little over-keen, in a democratic country, who queue to hear what the exercise some degree of con- was a huge Power Commission and a trol over our government, we few of our leading politicians share some degree of moral jump in arms had to say about democracy. responsibility for its actions. For the Commission And the crimes Britain has sales to Israel’ itself to be as representative assisted Israel in committing as possible it consulted 175 against the Palestinians are A mere two months after experts, received 1500 public grave indeed. Straw's admission, in “a submissions and set up a Last September, The move which ministers said Citizens Panel in Gateshead. Guardian reported the testi- was dictated by the interests This meant that more people mony of “dozens of troops” of British arms companies”, were consulted about their from Israeli pressure group The Guardian reported, BAE feelings on democracy than Breaking The Silence, who Systems were still selling ever before in Britain. “acted on standing orders” to Israel “Head up Displays” for Baroness Kennedy, “open fire on people regard- F16 aircraft - the same F16s chair of the Commission, less of whether they were that, according to Amnesty explained that the confer- armed or not.” In one sol- International, Israel “rou- ence was set up to confront dier's words, there was “pres- tinely used” to “bomb and feelings of 'anti-politics' in sure to get kills”. According shell Palestinian residential Britain. In the last general to another, “The command- areas”. election 64% of the elec- ers said kill as many as possi- As Straw explained, “Any torate did not choose this ble”. Gaza, he claimed, “was interruption to the supply of government. This disengage- considered a playground for these components would ment and disaffection with sharpshooters”. have serious implications for formal politics needs to be The report found that people feel unrepresented by politicians in Westminster This April The Guardian Britain’s defence relations addressed. However, looking around the charity, run school fetes and control and representation. reported a “huge jump” in with the United States.” David Cameron, gave conference I could see little campaign on single issues But until politics becomes British arms sales to Israel. Their supply continues to his support for much of the evidence of an attempt at which shows that they want more accessible there is the According to the Foreign this day - providing some Commission's findings representation. Everyone in to get involved. Yet they feel danger that initiatives such Office, these sales are per- insight not only into the pri- including more decentralisa- the audience seemed to be powerless and alienated by as the Commission will fectly legal: “The bottom orities of the British govern- tion and a partly elected white and middle class. The the political system. People remain unnoticed and mis- line” being “that no piece of ment, but also, dear reader, House of Lords. Yet, he did Commission did appear to be cannot, therefore, be blamed understood. To confront the kit is used for external into where your tuition fees not agree with the 'preaching to the converted' - for having a lack of interest - disengagement concrete aggression or internal are going. Commission’s proposals for a ironic for an inquiry set up to they want to get involved; it action needs to be taken. As repression”. This is an ongoing crime proportional system of vot- combat an unrepresentative is the system that they can- the Commission says, only a Shockingly, this comes a which needs to be stopped, if ing, saying it would destroy and alienating system. not relate to. radical overhaul of the exist- mere four years after Jack we take our moral responsi- the 'clear link between MPs An important finding of The Commission is cer- ing system will do. Only Straw publicly admitted bilities seriously. We can cer- and constituencies.' the inquiry was that it is not tainly an innovative initiative when this is accomplished Israel was breaching assur- tainly do a lot worse, it seems A key findings of the apathy that creates anti- and demonstrates that peo- will we be able to say that ances that military equip- to me, than start by support- Commission was that people political feelings in Britain, ple are concerned about the power is really being shared ment would not be used ing the Ethical Investment do not feel represented. but alienation. People give to important issues of political with the people. against civilians or in the campaign here at York. Devolution failing to resolve sectarianism

By Claire Yeo this new attempt at devolu- Fein and the DUP, the two terrorist links are not the tion in Northern Ireland will largest parties, have so far only ones holding up the ast week, Northern lead to any permanent stabil- refused to negotiate. Mr process. The loyalist para- Ireland’s devolved ity for the province? Hain’s ultimatum, however, militaries, UVP and UDA, assembly reopened The Mr Hain’s new poli- should provide politicians have not been recognised as Lfor the first time cy provides a framework to with incentives to approach observing the ceasefire. since October 2002. timetable events, rather than the negotiating table. The situation is again at Members resumed debate allowing them to drift on Recent outbreaks of sec- a deadlock. Sectarianism after finally being asked to endlessly. A 24 November tarian violence have again appears to be ingrained into reconvene by Peter Hain, 2006 deadline has been lead to doubts about the sta- Northern Ireland politics. Northern Ireland Secretary. imposed, by which time the bility of the peace settlement. The deadline could poten- For the first six months, assembly must have a power- The murders of Catholic tially be just what is needed the assembly will have no sharing agreement or face schoolboy Michael McIvleen, to force the politicians to the legislative powers, and will salaries being withdrawn. and of Denis Donaldson, a Sinn Fein (above) and DUP negotiations had stalled bargaining table. If it does be continued to be ruled The 2003 elections saw high ranking Sinn Fein offi- has, however, has been a had met its commitments to not force some kind of solu- from Westminster. The the polarisation of political cial who had been an inform- landmark of progress in the withdraw all of its arms and tion, however, the democrat- absence of the 108 members representation, with moder- ant for the British govern- period between sessions. The this has been a crucial step in ic deficit is set to continue. from the chamber has cost ate parties losing substantial ment, have deepened ten- Independent International the peace process. This, while being undoubt- the taxpayer nearly £100m ground to extremists. The sions. Commission on The sectarian divide is edly better than the violence in members’ salaries. We formation of an executive The IRA’s final decom- Decommissioning reported two-sided, however, and the of previous decades, cannot must ask, however, whether must be by coalition but Sinn missioning of its weapons last September that the IRA accusations of republican be endured indefinitely. Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Snappy Snaps 23rd May 2006 11 Rape of the Congo - the war against women and children

Adam Sloan meets Johann Hari, The Independent writer, and discusses his experiences covering the war in Congo

t is the most deadly con- friend, ex-MP and York flict since the Second graduate Oona King. Hari World War, raging was particulary interested in Iacross nine countries the consequences of the con- and causing four million flict for Congolese women. deaths. Yet weeks will go by Hari visited a “rape clinic, and the war in the the only rape clinic in Democratic Republic of Eastern Congo, where there Congo barely gets a mention were dozens of women who in the media. For years east- had been gang raped and ern Congo has effectively shot in the vagina.” This is an been outside central govern- increasingly common occur- ment control. Congo, a coun- rence in Congo. Rather than try the size of Western fighting each other, the mili- Europe, has seen hundreds tias are trying to destroy the of thousands of children other side's moral by fighting orphaned since 1994. Every their women; “sexual vio- day, women are kidnapped lence is now absolutely by militias, and rape is used endemic as a tool of war in as a weapon of war. Congo,” said Hari. Last week I travelled Hari also visited a hos- down to London to meet pital run by Denis Mukwege, Johann Hari, the 27 year old whom he described as “the columnist for the Oskar Schindler” of the Independent, author and Congolese. For many years playwright who last month Dr. Mukwege was not visited Congo to see for him- allowed to treat rape victims, War in Congo has caused 4 million deaths and left hundreds of thousands of Congolsese children orphaned self why the war has contin- so he ran his hospital in ued and to listen to the voic- secret. “He had a three year course, the lucky ones. Most was that Rwanda did not es of the women and chil- old girl brought in where, as women are just left to die. invade to go after the perpe- dren who are most affected he put it, 'everything had So why have things trators of the genocide, but by the continuing violence. I been shot away', and the ended up like this? Why does to seize the mineral met with Hari, a left-leaning father committed suicide this war that officially ended resources of Congo and sell journalist and member of the because he couldn't cope in 2003, with the Lusaka them on to us in the West. Labour Party, in his trendy peace accords, continue to Due to the increasing popu- Brick Lane apartment. ‘Sexual violence destroy so many lives? The larity of mobile phones and As well as writing for answer is probably sitting PlayStations, the price of the Independent, Hari has is now endemic right in front of you, in your coltan has boomed This contributed to the New York computer, in your iPod and made it much more attrac- Times, Le Monde and The as a tool of war in your mobile phone. All of tive for Rwanda and the Guardian, won the 2003 these electronic devices con- other international armies Young Journalist of the Year in Congo’ tain a metal called coltan, and militias to go into Congo award and been the youngest 80% of known supplies of and take it. “As Oona King ever person to be nominated with it.” Hari described how which lie under Congo. puts it, kids in Congo were Accusations of child witchcradt have become rife for the Orwell Prize for polit- Dr Mukwege saw an old The official story of how being sent down mines to die ical writing. Hari famously woman who had been gang the war started centres so that kids in Europe and arrived here.' We asked what idea of witchcraft in a place described religion as “organ- raped in front of her sons-in- around the tiny mountain America could kill imaginary his name was and they said called Bukavu. I met a 14- ised superstition” and has law.” The relationship state of Rwanda. After the aliens in their living room.” 'he doesn't have a name.’” year-old girl who was been labelled “fat” by the between a mother and her 1994 genocide, many of its Hari and King visited an It is not only Congo's accused of being a witch. She Dalai Lama as well as being son-in-law is a very holy one perpetrators it fled across the orphanage just outside the physical landscape that is in said that her grandmother called a “c***” by Busted. in Congo, “she just said 'don't border into Congo. What is capital, Kinshasa; “we were ruins, but its psychological had came to her in her sleep, Hari visited Congo feed me, I want to die, I can said to have happened is the told this was one of the best one too. Stories of witchcraft and forced her to eat an evil along with a fact-finding never go back.’” The women Rwandan forces then went orphanages in Congo. When have been around for a long doughnut, and this had mission from the Labour that make it to Dr. across the border to capture we arrived, the first room we time in Congo, but now as a meant she had killed her Party that also included his Mukwege's hospital are, of them. Other countries then went into, the children were consequence of the war, peo- baby sister.” At this point of invaded as a countervailing just lying on the gloor cov- ple have started accusing the interview Hari paused force resulting in what for- ered in s***, and flies and children of being witches; “in for a while and said, “if For more information visit: mer US Secretary of State vomit. They said this was the orphanage we saw a child Britain had 4 million people MONUC Johann Hari Madeleine Albright called where the Aids babies go.” who they called 'Fidel', who murdered, and the rest of us www.monuc.org www.johannhari.com Africa's first world war. “One boy was just rock- had his penis cut off by his displaced from our homes, Web page of the United Visit this website to find out The UN panel of experts ing back and forward, we parents because they living in terror and gang Nations mission in the more about the Independent set up to look into the causes asked, 'what is wrong with thought he was a witch. I raped, we would start to Democratic Republic of columnist, author and play- of the war discovered a more this kid?' They said, 'he's went to one of the evangeli- believe some pretty crazy Congo. write. sinister story. What it found been like that since he cal churches promoting this things too.” Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 12 Letters Snappy Snaps 23rd May 2006

Blast from the Win!Best letter receives a Letters party camera from Snappy Snaps Editorial Past Please send your comments Julian Hammerton and Charlotta and complaints by email to Salmi delve into the Nouse archive [email protected] or by post to Nouse, Grimston New Bar Opening House,Vanbrugh College With regard to the social programme of next term two main events are planned. Besides the Cellars, a Grand Dance on the lawns at the back of Heslington on May 15th, the occasion of the York - Lancashire towards the lecturers. They “support” Tournament; the main attraction being most likely Star letter the lecturers pay claim. But when push "Long John Barley and his Hoochi Coochi Men". comes to shove YUSU and Nouse have If this University wants a social centre then it has parroted UCEA's propaganda. to support it in two ways: first by patronising events AUT support? If we want an education system organised and secondly by offering to help in the run- that is properly funded, with well paid ning of the Cellars on the actual night. “YUSU defy NUS over boycott” screams staff, we have to actually fight for it. Social Sectratory Dave Spells is asking for more Nouse, as if Kat Fletcher were even now Yes, that will always involve disruption, Poster Power help with refreshments and the door for the hurtling to York to break Micky but the alternative is to give a free reign As a candidate who ran in last term’s elec- Cellars. Armstrong's legs unless he changes his to those who care only about the univer- tions, I take real offence at James’ com- line. The editorial of page 12 states sities balance sheet, not the staff or stu- ments. First of all, the absence of email YUSU have decided not to “have an easy dents. YUSU and Nouse have taken a addresses on posters is a regulation of the life” and support the boycott. Indeed, definite political stance in this strike elections - electronic campaigning is not the “easy life” of support for the lectur- and it's clear whose side this has put allowed. ers to improve our education system them on. If we really support our lectur- Second, there was ample opportuni- was spurned in favour of the tough ers then we need to actually translate ty to speak to us at the numerous hustings strategy of doing bugger all and selling that into action when they most need it. which were well publicised. If he is too out campus workers in struggle. Mike Wood, lazy to peel himself away from his com- Neither YUSU nor Nouse seem to Politics Dept. Postgrad puter to go to hustings that is his prob- have much faith in UCEA's benevolence lem. Finally, I did not see any campaign based on claims such as, ‘I was head girl,’ devoted its energies to assisting the lec- or, ‘I’m hardworking and well liked.’ I do YUSU Stance turers (who we have much more in com- believe that these are important pieces of University Curfew Whatever happened to some solidarity? mon with than the VC - whose salary is information to make a character judge- No decision has yet been reached about a college or As anybody ever involved in a employer- outrageous yet never mentioned) and ment but being a head girl or well liked room curfew. Although the time has not been fixed it is union dispute will tell you, they key to some actual political activity (gasp!) does not make you a ‘public school sloane’ thought that undergraduates will normally be expect- resolving the issue when demands are beyond putting up posters then we or a ‘joker.’ I went to a state school and it ed to return to their respective colleges by midnight. reasonable (Blair did when he was justify- wouldn’t be seeing the marking process has never been an issue. Some members of staff feel that a fine should be issued ing fees) is pressure - the more pressure is paralyzed and one amenity after another I would be keen to hear James’ on latecomers, others that they should be made to sign applied to the employers, the quicker they privatized or closed for no good reason by response and any other peoples’ opinions back in. concede. the VC. Russell Norton Although certain members of staff appear to be The action YUSU and its peers are tak- Anonymous Response to J. Rand on website certain about the nature of the institution we study in, ing massively undermines this - by break- Comment left on website we are not (I think) at school. ing ranks they reduce the pressure on the Nouse is prepared to issue a questionnaire to find VC’s, who can then turn around and say to If we can vote online then I don’t see why out exactly what students feel about the curfew. the lecturers ‘The Students are against I absolutely agree with YUSU - the we shouldn’t be able to ask questions you!’. YUSU suggests they are looking strike’s affecting exams at Queen’s online. If this is against the rules then after our interests as students by breaking University, Belfast as well and in 3rd year perhaps that needs to be changed: how rank, but the fact is if a united front had now I really don’t have time for listening about a public forum to address candi- College System Birth been presented to the VC’s and supportive to lecturers mope about how poorly paid dates on the model of ‘Ask YUSU’? If peo- action offered by all student unions this they are. ple cannot be peeled away from their The collegiate system will come into full operation may well have already been settled - at the Even if I were to agree with them on computers to vote in person surely it October 1965 with the completion of the first two col- very least it would be settled more quick- that, there’s no excuse for holding stu- unlikely they will go hustings... leges - Derwent and Langwith. ly. Surely *that* is in student’s best inter- dents hostage by refusing to set and mark However, much as I disliked the Power is being decentralised, and handed out to ests? exams which for many of us form the cul- invasion of posters and candidates into the respective colleges, but there is a remarkable lack Perhaps if our union spent less time des- mination of our formal academic educa- my kitchen, how else are candidates sup- of knowledge and thought preparation for the perately trying not to be a Union tion. posed to gather support? inevitable upheavals of October among the student (’Senators’…ugh. represent our interests, Anonymous Response to R. Norton on website body. don’t play at being our parliament) and Comment left on website Emma Gawen Your:Platform Enough of what our writers and editors have to say, we sent reporters to find out what York students think of today’s issues 1. Do you think the new Ftr buses are an improvement? 3. How do you feel about the AUT strikes continuing? 2.Do you feel you benefit from NUS membership? 4.What do you think about the bar closures ?

Name: Laurence Roach Name: Jamie Tyler Name: Nathalie Dalton College: Derwent College: Derwent College: Langwith Course: English Course: Applied Social Science Crime Course: Nursing Year: 2nd Year Year: 1st Year Year: 1st Year

1. No. They are too big. They’re not going to be able to solve 1. They’re a lot worse. The system doesn’t work 1. Yes, they’re a lot better. There’s more space, more seats, the congestion problems. And you need the right change 2. You get the discounts I guess. I can’t really think of and they’re a lot more attractive. and that’s a money-grabbing idea. anythng else that you gain from it. 2. I find it very beneficial. The card is useful for getting dis- 2. I suppose it’s a good thing to have an NUS card. 3. It’s not cool, I don’t like it. I thin there’s better things to counts in bars and restaurants. 3. It’s unfair for the people who are affected by it. than strike. 3. I think it’s diabolical that people aren’t going to be able 4. That’s crap for the first years as all you do as a first year 4. Definite no go. If they have to go ahead with the closures to graduate just because of them. is sit in the bars. they should close a few of the bars completely and keep the 4. It’s unfair. If students want to be able to go to bars rest open all the time. around uni they should be able to. That’s part of uni life. NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by 23rd May 2006 Snappy Snaps Sports 13 Clay courts offer fans new rivalry

By Ed Humphreys with the Australians, anoth- able. Roger Federer has only SPORTS CORRESPONDENT er traditionally frayed sport- lost seven out of the last one ing relationship, as the hundred and eighteen IN THE WINTER, football Ashes does not resume till matches. Five of these fans often check two results next November. defeats have been against first; their team and their Salvation arrived after Nadal, who has won fifty team’s hated, inferior, scum- another dropped catch at three consecutive matches my neighbour. When the Lords. Disgruntled and on clay. Last year Federer football season closes, it is angry, a housemate tossed won eighty one matches, and important that another me the TV control, which I Nadal seventy nine. They sporting rivalry emerges to spilled, juggled and dominate the men’s game, fill the void. dropped. The remote jug- true titans in their chosen In recent years we have gling caused the channel to sport. had the Ashes, a Lions tour change to the greatest tennis The next meeting and Lewis vs. Tyson to satisfy match I have ever had the between the two is sched- our need for sporting rivalry. good luck to witness in my uled to be on 11th June in the A week last Sunday, I became life. This is an accolade I do French Open final, and breathless and panicky, when not hand out lightly, consid- promises to be a spectacle Federer has won 111 of his last 118 matches, but all losses have been to Nadal considering where this sum- ering I did watch the sensa- that can not be afforded to mers’ sporting duel was tional and epic Barry Cowan be missed. Nadal has beaten going to come from? Alonso vs Pete Sampras match a few Federer in the final of the and Schumacher may be an years ago. last two tournaments they intriguingly poised battle but The ATP Masters Final have contested, but the thus far has lacked the thrills in Rome had everything; Swiss man is getting closer. and spills of Pros and Senna players and umpires clash- He had two match points in or Schumacher and Hill. ing over disputed line calls, Rome, and is steadily devel- The last day of the sea- nail-biting tie breaks, saved oping his outrageous array of sons also saw the rebirth of match points and epic rallies skills which are enough to the North London rivalry galore. After five hours, dominate on the other play- between Tottenham and Raphael Nadal, the ripped ing fields, to suit the slower Arsenal, as they found them- young Spaniard, defeated clay surfaces on which he selves fighting for fourth world number one, and pre- struggles to defeat Nadal. spot. That Arsenal succeeded viously all-conquering, Nadal and Federer’s over Spurs in the race must Roger Federer. More impor- probable meeting in Paris have made their Champions tantly than these however is does clash with Serbia & League qualification extra that I had found my sporting Montenegro v Holland in sweet despite their disap- rivalry for the summer. the World Cup. However, the pointing league standing. This is not the tradi- short history of the Balkan Even the classic national tional sporting rivalry that is state ensures no significant rivalry, England and felt most by the fans. It is not sporting rivalry with the Germany, may not have the a rivalry based on geograph- Dutch. Therefore, the tennis chance to meet at the World ical proximity or social and must be chosen. Using an Cup, mainly because the political tensions. It is rival- ingrained sporting rivalry Germans are now pretty rub- ry forged out of frequent, calculator is the essential bish (except after extra time dramatic meetings. way of choosing your sport of course). We won’t even The statistics concern- ing viewing for the coming have the chance for banter ing these titans are remark- summer. Raphael Nadal is undefeated in his last 53 matches on his favoured clay surface Who are the surprise packages of the summer?

By Simon Lickley nations trying to make their North Korea's victory over against hosts Germany. was a major achievement South Korea and DEPUTY SPORTS EDITOR mark on the world game, in Italy in 1966 or Senegal's run Making their third appear- and with some already well Switzerland. the past these have included to the quarter finals in 2002. ance at the World Cup, they known stars in their team, Trinidad a nd T obago: THE WORLD CUP is often the likes of Jamaica, New Angola: The fact that have acquitted themselves there is a real possibility of In terms of sporting pedi- seen as being about the hand Zealand and Wales. Below this war torn country are well in their previous two them matching Senegal's gree Trinidad and Tobago of God, penalty shoot outs are five not so well known making their World Cup outings. achievements of the last are probably better known and Russian linesman. footballing nations who this debut is a miracle in itself. In 1990 they reached World Cup. However first for cricket than football. But it is also about the summer will be trying to The lack of infrastructure the last 16, embarrassing they must overcome a tough However they have the more obscure footballing cause shocks equal to that of within the country, resulting Scotland on the way. Twelve group containing Argentina chance to condemn England from a 27 year civil war, years later they only went out and Holland. to what would surely be makes development in foot- on goal difference to eventu- Togo: Making their their biggest ever sporting ball very difficult and there al semi-finalists Turkey in World Cup debut this sum- embarrassment when the are few star players to name the group stages. Germany mer, Togo qualified at the two meet on June 15th. of. Up against former colo- and Poland will be tough expense of Senegal. The chances are unlike- nial masters Portugal and matches but don't be sur- Reaching the World Cup was ly but it must be remem- dark horses Mexico, progress prised if they cause an upset. a major surprise, Togo are bered that they have ex- to the Second Round seems Ivory C oast: Perhaps often seen as the whipping Manchester United star unlikely but it should be Africa's strongest represen- boys of Africa and with the Dwight Yorke and West remembered that they quali- tative at this World Cup, exception of Arsenal's Ham keeper Shaka Hislop fied at the expense of Ivory Coast boast Emmanuel Adebayor, have in their ranks to help try and Nigeria, one of Africa's most Premiership stars such as few stars of note. cause an upset. With successful football nations. Kolo Toure and Didier Bearing that in mind, Paraguay and Sweden also Costa Rica: This Central Drogba. victory over France will be a in their group however, American nation will have its Finishing ahead of more sensation though a point or their first appearance at the chance in the spotlight when established football nations three is possible against World Cup may well be Drogba is hoping to help Ivory Coast’s chances they open the tournament such as Egypt and Cameroon their other two opponents, brief. Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 14 Sports Snappy Snaps 23rd May 2006 Juventus tainted by fixing scam

By Robert Cantarero at his pleasure those officials who would referee Juventus’ SPORTS CORRESPONDENT games and completely vetoed others he didn’t like. UP TO TEN years ago, the In one of the latest to have Italian Serie A was envied by been uncovered he is heard the rest of the world: not asking a federation official : only was it the only place for “Who the hell was that ref players such as Zinedine you sent us? I don’t want him Zidane, Marco van Basten, to referee ever again for us”. Paul Gascoigne and Ronaldo Secondly, Moggi is to pursue their careers. alleged to have used GEA Now, with the 2006 World (a football agency run World Cup less then a month by Moggi’s), to orchestrate away, four Serie A clubs, football transfers and to including champions influence matches for the Juventus, find themselves in past two seasons. the most catastrophic situa- If proven guilty by the tion ever to have engulfed Italian Court of Justice and the footballing world. It is a by the Italian FA, two-time situation which not even the European champions genius of Francis Ford Juventus face the prospect of Coppola could have possibly being relegated to the lower conjured up as a possible sto- divisions. However this scan- ryline for his “Godfather” dal also includes three other trilogy, and yet is frighten- clubs, namely Fiorentina, ingly real: a tale involving Lazio, Siena and AC Milan. match-fixing by wire-taps, The referees concerned is illegal betting, world-class also facing repercussions. players facing a lifetime ban, Massimo De Santis for secret meetings and referees example, has been banned locked in dressing rooms. from refereeing at the World The first signs of this Cup and several members of scandal were uncovered a law enforcement agencies fortnight ago when prosecu- and executives of the Italian tors, whilst investigating Football Association includ- allegations of doping made ing the President , have been against Juve, uncovered a forced to reseign. Nineteen bewildering number of matches in the 2004-2005 phone transcripts which con- season, twelve of them Italian giants Juventus face the possibility of relegation to lower leagues after allegations of match fixing tained clear proof of phone including Juventus, are had lost to lowly Reggina, ing his family, but also refer- ing him to leave out Juventus and Juventus to be relegated taps made by Luciano being carefully monitored to and berating them for not ees and many professional players, so to avoid the risk of to a lower division, and for Moggi, former director of pick up any suspicious irreg- having favoured Juve during Serie A players, including them getting injured. two of the currently relegat- football of Juventus, Italy’s ularities and “mistakes” in the match. star Juve goalkeeper It is almost certain that ed teams to stay up. This most successful and popular refereeing. One allegation Moggi even attempted Gianluigi Buffon. The final considering the vast amount would result in a complete club. Two weeks on from states that some referees to convince the Italian FA to but equally serious accusa- of time court trials will take revolution in the Italian the first discovery of those were made to book impor- allowa match to go ahead tion involves his close rela- in the summer, Serie A will teams participating in transcripts, it has been tant players from teams that immediatley after the death tionship with current Italy have to be delayed from Europe next season and revealed that Moggi manipu- Juventus were due to play. of the Pope. coach Marcello Lippi. Moggi August till October, and may would further see Inter lated much of Serie A in two Moggi is also under The accusations against is alleged to have influenced include sixteen teams Milan made Serie A winners, ways. First, telephone con- investigation for allegedly Moggi don’t stop there, as he his choice of players for the instead of twenty. The other a title which they have been versations with Pierluigi detaining referee Gianluca is also under investigation Italy squad, not only by solution, in the event of those chasing for years and which Pairetto, the vice-chairman Paparesta and his assistants for his operation of GEA telling him to select only clubs concerned being could arguably be seen as a of Uefa's referees' commis- in their changing room in World and a racket of illegal players who were members proved guilty of match-fix- reward for playing by the sion, reveal that Moggi chose November 2004, after Juve gambling not only concern- of GEA but also by encourag- ing, would be for Fiorentina rules. English domestic season proves stressful for football fans in run-up to World Cup on the Premiership back in half of the table, it was a strong financial backing.. they started, under Paul of celebration as well, as By Ben Masters October and, while Arsenal somewhat unedifying spec- Sheffield United's sur- Merson, as promotion con- Orient secured automatic SPORTS CORRESPONDENT and Tottenham's final day of taclewitnessing two clubs vival prospects look bleaker, tenders. Swindon Town have promotion to League One. the season fight for the final fight for merely fourth place. but in manager Neil suffered a similar fall, and Carlisle and Northampton THE FORTHCOMING Champions League place So the Premiership says Warnock the Premiership are joined by the MK Dons took up the other two auto- World Cup will ensure that was the highlight in the top farewell to Sunderland, West has a controversial figure to and Hartlepool. matic places. running water rather than Brom and Birmingham, who rival Jose Mourinho. The story of League Two Accrington Stanley football will be in short sup- can consider themselves Brighton, Millwall and was undoubtedly the dra- return the league having won ply but, as many fans will unlucky that Portsmouth Crewe are relegated from the matic last day of the season, the Conference after a forty- agree, the fortunes of their somehow clawed their way Championship and head into where eight clubs were four year absence. Halifax or clubs will have caused out of trouble. League One, a division that embroiled in a battle to avoid Hereford will join them in enough stress over the past With the Football Nottingham Forest will relegation to the Conference. leaving a division that, next seven months or so to be able League play-offs resolved, probably start as favourites With Rushden and season. to delight in a break of at Reading and Sheffield for next season. This term Diamonds already down, A domestic season that least a couple of weeks from United and Watford have Southend and Colchester are Oxford United lost to Leyton ended in the best FA Cup the national game. gained promotion into the celebrating promotion to the Orient and thus ended their final in living memory will The real excitement in Premiership. Of the three, Championship. Three of the forty-four year stay in the fizzle out over the coming domestic football takes place Reading would seem most relegated teams from League Football League. The cruelty week leaving fans with the from about fourteenth place likely to stave off relegation. One would all appear to be of football never proves to be World Cup. Avid fans will in the Premiership down- Manager Steve Coppell has clubs in free-fall. Walsall far away though, and the only have to wait until 12 wards. Chelsea's name may the Berkshire club playing drop into League Two on the scene at Oxford's impressive August for club football to as well have been engraved Watford win promotion outstanding football and has back of a season in which Kassam Stadium was a scene take centre stage again. NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by 23rd May 2006 Snappy Snaps Sports 15

AU Play-off Edge

With AU President heartbreak Nik Engineer

Every year, 1,200 students from the Universities of York and Lancaster come together for Leeds to compete in the largest competition of its kind in the UK. The Roses competition, which has been running for By Steven Morrison cial Mike Dean. over 40 years, engenders one SPORTS CORRESPONDENT At the start of the sec- of the most intense sporting ond half things were made rivalries in the country and is Leeds 0 - 3 Watford worse for the Yorkshire outfit recognised as one the high- when 'Keeper Neil Sullivan lights of the year for both LEEDS UNITED'S dreams put through his own net in Universities. of a 2006 Premiership comical fashion. Not even Despite all this, stories return were abruptly ended the introductions of Healy, are flying around about a on Sunday as Watford Bakke and Blake could do lack of commitment from pounced on opportunities at anything to stop the rot and some clubs and individuals Cardiff's Millenium on 84 miutes Watford were being at least in part respon- Stadium. However manager rightly awarded a penalty sible for York’s loss this year. Kevin Blackwell promises which Henderson smartly Whilst it would be impossi- another strong campaign converted. ble to say that this certainly next season. On the day, Watford had is not the case, I see no point The Whites showed lit- too much for Leeds, some- on focussing on this assign- tle intent from the off - leav- thing Blackwell was quick to ment of blame. Roses was a ing star man David Healy on confess. His former assistant success. The final score was the bench in an unadven- (Watford's manager) and uncomfortably close, the tuorous 4-5-1 formation. former Sheffield United weather was wonderful for It was a party atmos- manager will both be looking two days of competition, the phere in the Championship forward to Liverpool and passion shown by all was playoff final as 64,736 fans Arsenal whilst Leeds will amazing, and with the excep- swamped the Welsh capital. hope for results against tion of a few incidents that The mood was dampened for Colchester and Southend. are being acted upon, was the Leeds fans when Demerit Leeds will surely rue the competed in good spirit. headed Watford ahead just two red cards in the second Having been involved in 25 minutes in, following leg against Preston which four years of competitions, I some lacklustre defending meant semi-final hero can safely say that every from Leeds striker Rob Matthew Killgallon had to The Millenium Stadium in Cardiff hosted this year’s play-offs for the last time occasion York and Lancaster Hulse. play make-shift left back in a clash has its own unique Things were looking up shaky defence. who actually awarded Leeds League may mean further league seemed a distant characteristics. One of the before half time however It was a day when noth- a few decisions, had to go off financial hardship, though a hope back in August. central issues this year was when Eddy Lewis went close ing went right for the hurt. summer move for Francis However, with strong sum- the honestly of individuals, with a trade-mark free kick, Yorkshire outfit, chances More seriously for Jeffers is rumoured. mer signings and the teams, clubs and institutions. but the half was riddled with were cleared off the line, a Leeds, the fact that they miss Take nothing away from threat of Marlon King, can The long term future questionable refereeing deci- penalty decision was turned out on a £40 million bonus Watford as this was their day. the Hornets make a go of depends on everyone sions from Premiership offi- away and the third official, for reaching the Premier A place in England's top the Premiership? involved being honest and believing in something more important than who wins. Everyone must believe in the history and tradition of Roses. Everyone must realise The Quick Crossword that they are part of some- thing bigger than them- Tuesday 23rd May, set by Cornius selves, and that they owe it to the thousands of students that have gone before them Across 19. Silence heads of 5. Big text made by to conduct themselves in the house under small dinosaur? (5, 5) highest manner possible. 1. Devestated if Cafu hats (4) 6. Horse around at The event none-the-less prowl gained first 21. Prove wrong & help dinner with black produced a number of high- deutch summer out with too much herbal drink (5-3) lights. The Men’s squash tournament (4, 5, money (8) 7. Tone of field (5) firsts won for the first time in 3) 23. Waugh & Knievel 8. 1 across star gives 18 years, the men’s rugby 9. One rugged crack back New York (6) welcome hidden by firsts gave their best per- user (7) 25. Missing 1/4 of body another polyga- formance I’ve seen this year 10. Once more apply to but managed hot mous king (7, 5) in the XV’s, and the outstand disorganised chap- drum (7) 9. 1 across star is a performance from the ter (7) 26. 2006 1 across hosts confused brigade women’s tennis team to 11. 500 fish flap (6) use gravity of queen droid (6, 6) name a few. 12. I don’t know what lots (7) 13. Tested car wreck on Every year there is one customs officers do 27. 1 across star, actor diet (10) moment where I’ve felt fate (5, 2) Jason & singer Jeff 16. European capital’s has got it wrong. This years 14. Beheaded bear in have meat (5, 7) used at first in banal was the Netball first’s game. whirlpool (4) Down JJ’s destruction (9) To see a team, club and 15. Bolt at alert losing 17. Chess master President that I care about so first & last to 2. Tailless lizard gets sounds like a ghost much and who care about arguer (10) round with fellow by half of cooker (8) what they do so much, lose 18. Tooth like projec- dinosaur (9) 20. Composer almost was a cruel end to an out- tions damage coun- 3. 1 across entrant gets drove out gun that’s standing year for an out- tries, but not at first an awful goal (6) missing, 47” (6) handed nepotism (5) own goal by the For solutions go to standing group of players. (10) 4. Finished above (4) 22. Done over in cack- 24. Stare indulgently at French (4) www.nouse.co.uk Well done to everyone. 16 The next big rivalry: Federer and Nadal’s clay battle examined

SPORT Page 13 York student entrepreneur creates new sport protein supplement

By Jamie Merrill cise. The product which can SPORTS CORRESPONDENT be mixed with water or milk is sold in the flavours of YORK UNIVERSITY’S strawberry, banana and sports clubs are benefiting chocolate and costs £30 for from the business acumen of two kilo’s, including student one York undergraduate, discount. John Quentin; a 2nd year In a recent interview History and Economics stu- Quentin described how after The Rugby club have become regular customers for Quentin’s protein supplement. Photos by Georgie Mabee dent has successfully his first season playing for launched his own sports York University Rugby Club university. By 2004, 2.3% of the current Rugby Club Quentin. Even the Pole nutritional company funded he became “disgusted at how students ran their own busi- Treasurers admits that “the Exercise Society has appar- with his student loan. much protein supplements ness. Quentin seems to have business is as much time as I ently expressed interest. The company, called Q- were costing, and at how a relaxed view on the matter, give it”, and he is “very care- Perhaps as Quentin suggests, Sports, is solely owned and awful they were”. Quentin he says, “it’s a part time ful to keep it in balance with it is because the product run by Quentin and is now went onto to describe how job…but one with a lot of the rest of my life”, saying “isn’t about bulking up,” but making profit, after only 11 over the summer between his potential, I’ve had interest “I’m at university for a degree is “meant to help your recov- months trading should see a first and second year he used from a sports product dis- and to also enjoy student life, ery after exercise”. turn over of £6000 for the his personal contact in the tributor who is keen to get playing sport and socializ- Quentin had funded his next academic year. The stu- sports industry and spent hold of the product, which is ing”. exercise with his student dent entrepreneur’s business over 100 hours in the labora- potentially really big…I’d Whilst Quentin has loan and a part-time job but has already sponsored the tory to create Q-Extreme have to do very little work acknowledged that “Q- is unconcerned about build- University Rowing Club John Quentin is not and also that’s a massive Sports has no brand recogni- ing up debts; “student loans £200 and will be an official alone as a young entrepre- increase in the volume”. Q- tion” he has managed to are the best loans you could sponsor of York University neur starting a business Sports he argues is more build up a solid customer be offered in your life, they Rugby Club next season. whilst at university. A study than just protein supple- base in York and from his just run at the rate of infla- The company’s first by the London School of ments, products such high website. As well as the Rugby tion… so even if the whole John Quentin’s product product, Q-Extreme, is a Economics illustrates that energy drinks are planned. Club and Rowing Club other thing folds I’ve got the best protein supplement more young people than Quentin who plays students who box, run or repayment plan possible”. costs in its first run of 70 designed by Quentin to every before are launching Rugby for York University play cricket have used the However the business made kilos and the consumer base enhance recovery after exer- business ventures whilst at 1sts and 2nds as well as being product according to back all its development is expanding. Women’s Cricket First 11 qualify for the National Championships By Chloe Schroeter After a lady's lunch York took ued to blossom when York derous bowling debut from SPORTS CORRESPONDENT to the field and refused to let faced their toughest rivals; Sophie Foxall. York had per- Newcastle have any easy Leeds Met at 22 acres. severed and won the game, THE THIRD of May runs, with fielding that can Loosing the toss pressurised with a final score York 109 saw the beginning of what only be described as sensa- York to bat first; accurate runs for 7 and Leeds Met 90 Women’s cricket have had an impressive season start was to set the ball rolling for tional. A superb array of bowling, and sharp fielding for 9. a fantastic season of women's catches and run outs at the from Leeds Met meant that On the shoulders of their overs for 170runs. Yet son, the girls already having cricket for York University. wicket, not to mention some York slowly climbed to a total such a hard fought victory as the day wore on the claimed their right to play in At their first match, away at beautifully orchestrated long of 109 runs for 7. Never ones York were in fine form to weather turned, causing the the National Championships Newcastle the York girls barriers from Laura to shy from a challenge the play Northumbria last match to be rained off and by beating both Newcastle began their valiant fight on Valentine, created the pres- York girls aimed to emulate wednesday. York took to the announced a draw. A deci- and Leeds met. strike. Encountering some sure that forced newcastles the tight fielding they had field first and witnessed sion which robbed York of Now with the National strong bowling York coped hand. The game finishing witnessed. They did this to some undeniably impressive the chance to display their Championships just around brilliantly, knocking the ball with Newcastle 91 runs all great success, exhibiting a batting from Northumbria, impeccable batting skills. the corner, York's womens all over the pitch and scoring out; a collosal 89 runs short fabulous team effort in the but the field held firm, and However nothing was lost cricket team have never 180 runs from 30 overs. of victory. The season contin- field combined with a won- Northumbria completed from York's outstanding sea- looked so formidable.

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