I Only Waul a Ruildy, Nol a Gal. Xlicsc Temperance X'olks. What is romance, it's only taking a The rreaelicr and the Hear. These temperaiice folks do crowd us aw chance. 'a preacher went a-huntliiff upon one Sun- fully. crowd us awfully, crowd us Gambling with miserv: . day morn. awfully, I wa.s a fool, but just like in school, I Hit was agaiii hia 'Ils'on. hut ho took hla These temperance folks do crowd us aw I've learned my lesson, you see. gun along; . , fully, Ho shot bisself some vary-ilne quail and They need not think I care. I only want a buddy and not a sweetheart. , one little measly hare. , I'm not the man to lose my liberty, loao Buddies never make you blue: | And on his way returning home, he met my liberty, lose my liberty. Sweethearts make vows, and they're' a great, big grizzly bear. I'm not the man to lose my liberty. broken. Broken like their hearts are broke in ■ The bear marched out to the middle of I haven't a bit to spare. the road an" then aot clown, you see. I'd like to know what's all this fuss about, two. I The coon got so excited lie climbed up a There's somcthlriB smaahlng through. Don't tell me that you love me. say you ■ They hold their meetings 'round eternity, like me. 'Simmon tree; No lovers' quarrel, no bungalows for two. Then the bear got up an' walked aroun I wonder what they'll do? Don I turn down lovers' lanq. just keep an' de coon climbed out on a limb. right on saying He cast up his oyea to the Lord in the CHORUS. Bkios. and these words aald to him: Then forward, boys: hurrah! I only want a buddy and not a gal. We'll join the"glorious fray. ■ "Oh. Lawcl, an' didn't you dellbah Dan'l We'll hoist our flag and on to victory; CHORUS. from de Ilon'a dan? Tlie right shall gain the day. |.I only want a buddy and not a sweetheart, i I Alsd dellbah Jonah froiu de belly of de Buddie.s never make you blue; whaUr, and deii 11 wish theso ohaps wo'uld cease to pity i u , Sweelhcart,s make vows, and they're Da Hebrew cblllen from da firy furnaoa. as broken. da good book do declare— me, cease to pity me, cease to pltyj Broken like their hearts are broke in I Now, bh. Lord, if you can't help for me. two. I goodness sak© doq't help that bear." I wish these chaps would cease to pity me. I am not quite bereft. "aood .old bearl" (G-r-r-p-fr'i "Nice old Though come to search my once flat pock- baar!" (.Q'T-T-'T-vr) "Now, Mr. Bear, etbook. once fat pocketbook, once| I rt I'll gib you Jes' pne nice, big, juicy fat pocketbook. Girl Named Ida-bo. I Though come to search my one© fat pock I For her I'd leave Virginia. ' bite, wlir yd' go 'way den?" [Id leave my Maryland (Q-r-r-r-r-) "No?" (Grr-r-r-r-) "Well. den. etbook. J'se a,-swine slay right whore I la." There's nary sixpence left. I'd part With Mrs. Sippi My coat I know is rather seedy I The widow fair and bland. I'That coon stayed up in that tree, ah think And my pants are tattered, too. Ird leave my Louisa Anna, it was all night, My right foot goes but poorly booted. lAnd other Annas, too; He said: "Now. Lawd, don't yop help And my left foot wears a shoe. ll'd bid farewell to Georgia. that bear an' you 11 see an awful —Chorus. IThough Georgia would be true. fight." PWc}l, jua' about den the limb let go an' I They talk of woe. of want and poverty, [I'd part with Minnie Sota. de coon come a tumhlln' down, want and poverty, want and poverty, (Id part from Delia Ware. {You could see him sit hla rasah out hefo' They talk of woe. of want and poverty. Jid leave brunette Miss Souri ho gtruck d© graun'; There's truth in that. I a'pose. IThe Carolina pair. There's a wife downtown would smile like s [That bear hugged Mr. NIggah, en' hugged Venus, smile like Venus, smile like, [These women ail are lovely. him a little too tight; Venus [True-hearted girls I know. Well, the bear bit off the razah. but do [There's a wife downtown would sralle like j But 'd give them all the go-by. coon held on tvid a vim, Venus I And cleave to Idaho, [He cast up his eyes to the Lawd iq de If I'd sign the pledge this day. skies, an' once mo' said to him: [And a bright haired child would jump and i [l like her breezy manners. caper, II like her honest ways, |"Oh, Lawd, an" didn't yog dellbah Dan'l You may pass the pledge Uiis way. I ke her in the moonlight. from de lions' den? --Choru;:. s JI like her sunny days. Also dellbah Jonah from de belly of do [Goodby, my own Virginia, whale, and den [And other girls I know. Id© Hebrew chillen from de ftry furnace, Ma and the Auto. II m hanging around the gate post. as do good book do deciare—s- Before we tak© an auto ride. Pa says to !Of a girl named Ida-ho. Now, oh. Lawd. if you can't help me, for goodness sake, don't hulp dat bear." Ma; "My dear. (? Now just remember I don't need suggea- jldaho'^ d'Alene, I "Now, Mr. Bear, let's you an' I reason dls I tions from the rear. thing out together, eh?" If you will .1u8t sit still hack there and s (G-r-r-r-r) "Tell .vou' what I'll do, I'll hold in chock your fright. fight you to a finish— ' I'll take you where you want to go end "That's How I Got My Start." I Marquis of Queensbury rules. Are you ret you back all right. game?" (G-r-r-r-r-) No hlttln" in do Hememher that my hearln's good and a.lso I "When I grew up to be a man, clinches." I'm not blind. I said I'd work no more. (G-r-r-r-r-) "An' ah wants a clean .\nd I can drive this car without sugges But dad took me by the pants break. Ready? Shake hands., llol' tions from behind." And kicked me out the door. on, ah didn't . . IVs not because I'm lucky. [Say go. yetl N'OL.Cbl Ob, mel .Gh, ml! Ma promises that she'll keep still, then off I It's not because I'm smart, I Oh, iiiyl"'' ((j-r-r-r-r-) "Ob.' La'ird!"^ wo gaily start. My old man say's get out. you bum, But soon she notices aliead a peddler and That's how 1 got my start. his cart. *• OnceI had a wife that loved me, "Tou'd better toot your horh," says she. And I loved her, you know. "to let him know we're near; I He might turn out!" and Pa replies. "Just She caught me with another gal, I shriek at him, my dear." And tlien t had to go. I And then he adds: "Some day, some e:uy It's not because I'm lucky. I will make a lot of dough It's not because I'm smart. I run around with other girls. Your Daddy Did the Same Thing Fifty I By putting horns on tonneau seats for That's how I got my .start. I womenfolks to blow!" Years Ago, De yo-del. lay-ee. O de yo-del lay-ee, "Come in," said father Johnson as IA little farther on Ma cries: "He's sig- O de yo-del lay-ee-ee-ee. knock came on his door. I naiad for a turnl" His youngest son walked in, upon his face I And Pa says: "Did he?" Jn a tone that's Sent In by Hazel Groom. Spokane, a grin, hot enough to burn. He twirled bis thumbs, blushed red and "Oh. there's a boy on roller skatesi" cries said: . Ma, "Now do go slow. "Dear dad, 1 hate to tell you, but I'm I I'm sure he doesn't see our car." And Pa going to dope tonight at eight." J says; "I dunno. The Patter of the Shingle. His lather winked his eye, as he made I think I don't need glasses yet, but really When the angry passions gathering in my this reply. It may be mother's lace I see. I That I am blind and cannot see what's And she leads me to her bedroom, gently CHORUS. right In front of ms." lays md on her knee, Your daddy did the same thing fifty years Then I know that I will catch It and my ago. If Pa should speed the car a bit some rigs flesh In fancy Itches As I listen to the patter of the shingle He went to a lot of bother, just to have to hurry oast. on my breeches. you call him father. I Ma whispers: "Do be careful now. You're Everybody thought your dear old dad was driving much loo fast." slow. And ell the time she's pointing out the CHORDS. I dangers of the street. Every patter of the shingle has an ache Her mother and her brother thought your And keeps hinx posted on the roads whore and a sting maw would wed another, i trolley cars he'll meet. , And a thousand burning fancies into ac But they couldn't fool your daddy fifty I.,ast night when wo got safely home, Pal tive being bring years ago. I _ sighed and said: "My dear. And a thousand wasps and hornets 'neatb He acted In the same old way. _ , , I I'm sure wo all enjoyed the drivo you gave| I my coat tail seem to swarm He looked In your mother's eyes and told ' US from the rear!" ' As I listen to the patter of the shingle. an awful lot of lies. And that's why you're here today. In a splutter comes my father, who,I sup- posed had gone. Young Johnson married, a year passed I "Fonr Thousand Tears Ai To survey the situation and tell her to II was bom about tour thousand years ago. since he wed. . , lay it on. He met his paw one day and father heard ■There Is nothing In the world thatI don't To see her bending over me as I listen him say: ^ know: to the strain "My Wife's the limit, seems to think Pm saw Jonah swallow the whale Flayed by her and by the shingle In a out with girls each night. lAnd I pulled the lion's tall. wild and weird refrain. You know me better, father dear, you And I crossed the River Canaan on a log. know she isn't right." Iso you see I am an educated man. In a sudden intermission which appears His father winked both eyes, said, Don t Il keep my brain In my head, I plan; my only chance apologize." ll've been on earth so long I say. "Strike gently, mother, or you'll iThat I used to sing a song split my Sunday pants." CHORDS. IVhile Abraham.and Isaac rushed the can. She stopped a moment, drew her breath, I Your daddy did the same thing fifty years the shingle held aloft. I saw Eve when she searched the garden And said, "I had not thought of that, my {Mother worried like the dickens. Your old son, you'd better take them off." 1 man was fond of chickens. saw Satan when they drove him from All the girlies knew your daddy wasn't ■ the door. Holy Moses and the angels cast thy pity slow. ■while the apple they were eating, ing glances down. And If It's not too much to say, your pa iProm the bushes I was peklnr. . And thou, old family doctor, put a good could go a bit today... ,, ■ " can swear that I'm the man that ate soft poultice on. They couldn't fool your daddy fifty years the core. And may I with fools and witches ever ago. lastingly commingle He acted the same old way. ISo you see I'm an educated man, If 1 ever say another word while mother But your mother never knew what your IKeep my brain in my head, 1 plan; wields the shingle. daddy used to do. . ll've been on earth so long (And that's why you are here today. iThat I used to sing a song ...... IWhile Abraham and Isaac rushed the can. Sent in by Mrs. J. A. Shook, Lanark. HI. I'm a Stern Old Bachelor, I am a stern old bachelor. My age is forty-four. ■I do declare I'll never live That Bonnie Wee Window. With women any more. : There was a brave laae, her name it was CHORUS. Nell, Little sod shanty. She lived In a house where her granny did SaviiiK tip rrinnnii:^. Sod shanty give to me, dwell. I The cigar stores everywhere are giving| For I am a stern old bachelor The house it was small, the window was I From matrimony free. less, away It had but four panes, and one needod a [Hundreds and thousands ol coupons eachj 1 have a stove that's worth ten cents, day. A table worth fifteen. CHORUS. I You get good things ior nothing and you| :I cook ray grub in oyster cans fact your llle Did thiB bonny wco wlado-w, I You get things good for nothing, 'causa l| And keep all things so clean. This nice little window, got a wife. The prettiest little window WhenI come home lateI have no fear. Tha-t ever you saw. [Five millions coupons is what my wife cost. I smile and walk right in. I I'd give ten million more just to get a| I never hear a voice yell out. divorce. It happened one nighti grannle'd gone to "I say, where have you been?" her bed. ; CHORUS. On a cold and stormy winter's night When Johnnie, the . clever j eweetheatt I I'm saving up coupons to get one of those.| In my cozy little shack Neillo had. • .i [of couponerltis I'll die, I suppose. I sing my songs and think my thoughts Came over the hill, his darling to see [But a cute little casket the catalogue{ V/lth no one to talk back. And under thlfl wlndo'w ho plainly spoke shows, he. At this bonny, etc. I I'm saving up coupons to get one of those. 1 go to bed whene'er I please And get up just the same. The lovers nat talking, not much had been I My brother got married and right off the ^ 1 change my socks three times a year. reel With no one to complain. tVhen granny called out: "Nellie, come to I He started to save ■ for an automobile. your bed." [But the day that he got it. from smoking, At night when I'm in peaceful sleep "Yes, granny, I'm coming," cried NelUe he died My snores can do no harm. quite plain, . . . I From his house to the graveyard was bis| 1 never have to walk the floor "So faro ye well, Johnnie, come next night only ride. With an infant on my arm. again." At thlsi etc. [His wife then got married, no time did she lose And when I die and so to heaven, Said Johnny to Nellie, "Don't make It I Till some lucky boob hopped in poor| Where ail old bachelors do. amiss . .. . brother's shoes. I will not have to crleve for fear Before that I go, you should give me a I And now every evening they both can be| My wife won't get there, too. seen With an eager desire, he put hie head {As they motor about in poor brother's| Sent in by Mrs, R. F, Tlnnel. Pot- through. j machine. latch. Idaho. For •what would not, love make a fond I I'm saving up coupons to set one of those. lover do? At that bonny, etc. I When I die, my wife marries, and riding| Mr. McGuire." she goes. Throe kisses he got ;and flweet waa the II hope when they're in It the darn thing My name it is Mr. McGulre. explodes. And I'll quickly tril to you, When to his surprise; ho couldn't get his I'm saving up coupons to set one of those. A pretty girl Ido admire, head bade. Named Katie O'Donbhiic. He raved and he Bwore, ho screamed and I My wife's got the habit, .she's saving a few, She Is lovely; fat 'and rosy, . he cureed, Believe me when I say She now has 17.902. That now whenever I go to her house. •While Nellie sat laughing as though she She wants a new hat, I doji't know what would burst. At his head in the for, Her mother will joyfully say; window, etc. I To gel it she owes only 3000 more. I CBORUS. I We've been married a rear. In a nice Paddy, set up frqm tjic fire Granny,hearing the noise, sprang out on lUtle flat, I' And give the man a seat. f Che fioor, And all that we got is a dog and a cat. . Don't you know it Is Mr. McGuire And seizing the poker, she made for the The lady next door is Just chucked full Come courting your sister. Kate? door. ' of joy. he has a big farm, Across ht-s poor back such, a blow she ley i The stork came and left her a big baby Ju.st a little way out of town. down, boy. impudent rat, That another like It would have broke bis I I'm saving up coupon.s to get one of those. I And let Mr. McGuire sit down." back bone. At that bonny, etc. My wife now is mafcipg some cute baby' The first time that I met her clothes. ,,?he was dancing the tra-Ia-Ia-Iee. He screamed and he swore, he cursed the II don't know who told her, but somehow Although I was a stranger, old dame, she knows -She was quickly gone on me. But his head In the window It had to re ivinc UP fio'vipens in pet one of those. She asked me for to dance with her main And then we skipped away. "Tin the eofih it gave- way and the poker And now whenever I go to the house, —\Ud j?reak, ; Her mother will joyfully say; Then .lohnny, 'went home, •with the frame I go to see Katie no longer, round his neck. Of that btHin-y jvee. The reason I'll now tell. etc. I ^ flannel-mouth terrier Mof^es. Don't Toneli K. That came from Ballerlnfell. [Xow, Moses, what raakca you so strange HI.His stjie 1 do not admire, blue. ' and forgetful? And while she puts up with the likes of "Why Is It you heed twhat.I tell you no him more? She won't do for Mr. McGuire i Spoken: ' Tapping nt the Garden Gnt«. I Just look at your picture—>whi> 'would not And now her mother can never more say' I Who is that tapping at the gate? be fretful, —'Cborus, ' I Sent in by E. J. Reeves, Hlllyard, Wash, I Tap, tup, tapping at the garden gate. Your great muddy boots on nqy clean Every night I've heard of late. kitchen floor? 'Down at the Old Picnic Grounds." Somebody tapping at the garden gate. O, vou sly little puss. "Don't knowJ' |And there, you are smoking. Oh, dear, The ants held their convention, the day , how provoking. Why do you blush and falter eo? that we held ours, ■What are you looking for under the chair? To tease and torment me It is your do- Down at the old picnic grounds. The tap. tap, tapping cornea Hot from The chlggers and mosquitos were biding there. I sire. In the flowers. [I'll throw your old—no. air. Indeed I'm Down at the old picnic grounds. not joking— Beside a babbling brook my girl and I REIFRAIN. I'll throw your old meerschaum right thought we would take a rest, Every night at half past eight. Into the fire. Bhe said "Here is the place to tell mo who There's tap, tap, tapping at the garden you love the best." .gate. CHORUS. Then I sat on n fl.shhook and she sat on a Now, Moses, don't touch It. hornet's nest. I Tea, you sly little fox. you know, , Now, Mobob. you'll catch it. Down at the old picnic grounds. ' Fidgeting about until you go, Drop the sugar spoon, right there It lies, Now, Moses, don't you hear what I say? I entered in a sack race and fell upon 'Tie thus without stopping, my knees. Bles.e the girl, where are her eyes. I The music keep.e dropping Down at the old picnic grounds. Were X able to leave my chair I For night after night and for day after 1 won the hundred-yard dash, that's when Boon would I find out who was there. day. I broke my chin. Don't tell me you think it's the eat.—Re Down at the old picnic grounds. frain. I Now. Moses, come tell me, now what are Down by a swampy stream, my Uncle Jake ' you doing went down to quench his thirst. . Cats don't know whon Its half past eight. Off there In the pantry, so ertlli and so Then some one pushed him lr» the mud, we To come tap. tapping at the garden gate. I sly? laughed until we burst; There, she's off now just like a flash. I know very well there la some mischief The mud came to his ankles, but oh. he The old back gate shuts to With a clash, ' browing. went in head first, Feet, pat, patter, down the garden •wailc. Ha! That's what you're after a whole Down at the old picnic grounds. One little laugh, then whispering talk. , cherry pie. The kids ate all- the ice cream, a hobo stole Q, you sly little goose, forgot iStop! Stop! You are taking the last of the lunch. The wide raised window o'er the spot ' my baking. Down at the old picnic grounds. Lame as I am, I can move my chair. The very last pie that wag loft on the A goat ate up the chowder, a cow drank Peep through the curtain and see who's I shelf. up the punch, there. If ever one did, you deserve a good ehak- Down at the old picnic grounds. ing. My girl said I love peaches, so I climbed REFRAIN. And I ve a great notion to try It my a fence to get her one. I Just as I thought, at half past eight. self.—Chorus. A bull chased me from tree to tree and There's that chat, chat, chattering at the kept me on the run; S^den gate. Now, Moses, come, let us be pleasant and Then some one yelled, "Hey. that ain't ' clever; fair, you're having all the fun,'" Just aa I thought, who can that be. We must not In future lead such a sad Down at the old picnic grounds. TYltb broadcloth coat and broad-brimmed life; The married men and single, they played hat? I Now. j ou he my dear, noble husband for- a baseball game, And around her waist, upon my word. ' over. Down at the old picnic grounds. Never a thought of hope deferred, And ril be forever your sweet, loving The ball went through a hothouse and i Come In. you gerae, don't stand out there I -(vife. broke every pane. 1 Rlg{it in the moonlight's brightest glare : Of course, none supposes that ilfo Is all Down at the old picnic grounds. Come, aiong In. Miss, la that vour cat, roses. They had a Maypole dance, my girl was tVlih broadcloth coat and broad-brimmed But renlly, I think that—well now. I queen, and all the dancers led. hat? declure. I made a crown of pretty leaves and put You rascal, you villain, you stupid thing it on her head; • RKPBAIN. MoBi-e, She yelled, "That's poison ivy," and then Cuts set a ohlli at half 'past eight. You laid your old curiT-comb right In she crowned me instead, •If tfioy stand chat'j.phattlns at the gar- Down at the old picnic ground.s. my cliair.—Chorus. sdun gate. M!y MotUer-Jji-lAST. I Wish I Was Slnjcle Aeain. 'How Are You Gonna Keep 'Em Down on When I was sJnsle, oh then, oh then. the Farm?" Oh. listen niy friend? end I'll sing you »J illtty, • T When I was single, oh then. "Reuben, Reuben. I've been thinking." said About the worst •woman that I ever saw When I was single, my pockets did jingle . , ..his-wltey hear.. And when you hear It you'll say it's al And I wish'I was single again. "Now that all is peaceful and calm. • pity ' I married me a wife, oh then, oh then, The boys will soon be back on the farm. That you ever had such a mother-in- I married me a wife, oh then. Mister Reuben started thinking, and. slowly law. I married me a wife and was sad all my rubbed' hl.s .cnin; " life He pulled his chair up close.to mother. Oh, my llfo Is bo troubled, I can not live And I wish I was single again. And he asked her -ttith a grin: happy; My wife, she died, oh then, oh then. ■ CHORDS. When I open my mouth she'll Btick in] My wife, she died, oh then. her Jaw; j My wife, she died, and I leughed till I How'ya gonna keep 'em down on 'he [I'd rather be sent to jail or to congrress, I cried farm, after they've seen Pa-rec? Than to live all my life with my mother- To think I was single again. How'ya gonna keep 'em -hway from Broad in-law. way. Jazzin' aroun. I married another, oh then, oh then, And pftihtin' the town? I married another, oh then. How'va gonna keep 'em away from narm. She has an idea that she is good looking, L I married another, and she was the devil's That's a mystery; ' She's the ugliest woman that I've ever! stepmother They'll never want to see a rak,e or plow. , seen, f And I wish I was single again. And who the deuce can parley vous a cow? I When she sits down to have her picture! My wife got mad, oh then, oh then. How'ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm. taken, I My wife got mad, oh then, After they've seen Pa-ree?" The very first glance, she breaks the' My wife got mad, and she spent all 1 had Imagine Reuben when he^ meets his pa. machine. —Chprus. And I wish I was single again. He'll kiss his chin and holier 'oo-la-lai How'ya' gdnna keep 'em down on the farm. Ishe ia so ugly she frightens her children. She beat me and banged me, oh then, "When they chance to meet as they walk oh then, After they've seen Pa-ree? She beat me and banged me, oh then. on the street: She beat me and banged me, and swore "Reuben. Reuben, you're mistaken," She hna a mouth like a crack In a pumn- she would hang me Said his wlfey dear; ' kin, And I wish I was single again. "Once a farmer, always a jay. And a hump on her back and such very large feet. —Chorus. She got a rope, oh then, oh then, And farmers always stick to the nay, "Mother Reuben. I'm not fakln, She got a rope, oh then. I asked her one day to marry her daugh She got a rope and my neck did choke Though you may think It But wine and women play the mischief ter, And I wish I was single again. With a boy who's loose with, change, I did not intend the whole family to wed , The limb it did break, oh then, oh then, She (lulckly picked up a bucket of water : The limb it did break, oh then, And taking straight aim, let it fly at The limb it did break and my neck did my head. —Chorus. escape I And 1 wish I was single again. I heard that they had some sharp shoot Young men take warning ol this, of this, ing at Gienmore, Young men take warning of this. Tho shots were so thick 'twas almost a Be good to the first for the last is much draw. worse I gave the whole regiment five dollars And you will wish you were single again. and a Quarter, i It they'd only take a shot at my I—Sent in by Mrs. Elmer Spencer, Grange- mother-in-law. —Chorus. ' mont, Idaho.

Old-Fasbioned Buggy Drive, I'm Getting Ready for My Mother-in-Taw. [in the spring of the year, when the| My dear wife met me at the door. weather Is clear. A letter in her hand . Il go out in my automobile: . , Sftylns mother soon will visit us, As I sail down the line with that »weet| Now isn't that just arand? I babe of mine, She says ahe'H stay about six months Just imagine how happy 1 feel. . . I Or longer II she can. Old granddaddy dear looks at ua with a ! If .Hhfi don't come 1 know III be A duaopoiiited man. land he says as his eyes beam with jbyi l Oh, these new-fangled ways are not in it| CHOSIJS- , , the.se days j I'm getting ready for my mother-in-law. I As the way I made love when a boy. Tm gelling reads foj the ^n. jif she can atay CHORUS. I You can hear the church bells chime. I Take a' walk to a nice livery stable. Oh. moOrer, mother, mother, mother Get a horse that you don't have to drive: I J mbther. ^ .. 1 You're at ease, no one .sees, you can| squeeze all you please I.You'll have a dandy lime. In an old-fa.shioned busgy drive. II taught our bulldog how to bite, Oh. grandaddy late, you're away out of| The parrot how to swear. date. 1 sawed the legs and, arms and mngg For the auto's the thing for today. _ ,, The September Gale. j JTom our best rQcklng chair. You can put on the power, and in just| I sprinkled soan upoii the noor 1 half an hour. I imi pet a chlck''n: I have- (sef-n E And polished it with fat. You are forty or more miles away, . Full vnnny a o'nlll If she falls down and breaks her neck, Just then came a crash and a terrible! ■And though I w"ft n youngt^ior flicn. Can I be biamod lor that? • smash. „ I That gale i will rtrveinbor; And they worked with the thing half the! The day before, niy kU"-.<'irlng snappeil. ll fixed a little room for her night; , I And I my kite purfiuing, I "Without one window frapifc ,, All the kids on the course cried "Get us| Tbe wind whisked off my palm-leaf hnt: ITurned on the heat and fixed it ao a horse." , . For mo two slorma wore brewing. 1 It won't turn off again. I And then we said granddad was right. No pictures hanging on the wall- Sent in by Jennie S. Crowder, Spokane.| It came n.'' quarrel.'" sometimes do, It looks just like a cell. When married pairn got elashlng; |And when she goes to get in bed Tbertj waa a heavy .sigh or two. She'll think she is in—a turtisb bath. The Feller That Xooks Like Mc. Before tho fire was flaahing: In sad despair 1 wander. A little otlr ontong tho" ciotulH. I'm Betting ready for my mother-in-law, Mv heart Is filled with woe. Before they rent sisundor: (I'm RCttins ready for the fun. Though in my grief I ponder. A little rocking of the tree.a. It she would stay for mst a day What to do. I do not know: And lifsn came on the thunder. You can hear the church bells chtog. My crua! f.ace does on me frown. Oh, mother, mother, mother, mother, The trouble seems to b® Oh. how the ponds and rivers boiled, 1 mother, Fnere is. a feller In this town 1 And how the shingles rattled: I You'll have a hot old time. And he looks .lust like me. And oaks were acaitored ca the ground. I As If the Tiian.s bsLtled; Sent in by Sue Rushlo, Newport, Wash. CHORUS. 1 And all above was in a l\owl. Ohl -wouldn't I like to meet him. J And oil below, a elatier— "Whoever ho may be. •. "Tho earth was like h rryiiig-pr.n, Oh! wouldn't I give particular fita 1 Or sonic giicli lii.-'slnK uutlicj. That felier that look? like mo? i It chanced to b.> our v.aabliiR daj-. One day I went to see my girl. And all our tliipgi- w-i--. drying; I was going to take her 'roiiiid. The a;ui-!P earn'; vovrlng fprouKli rjio tines. A Dollar Down .and a Dollar a Week. When a ladv tapped me on the arm. And th<'li) .11 a.flying; Oh. a friend of mine bought a radio Saving. "How's your wife, old Brown?" I sav. ih,; sliirts .mil i'.ci:tirt.i,is IFor a dollar down and a diJllar a week. In vain I said. "I'm a single man. Says he, "It's the easiest life l And married I "wish to be." Just a dollar down and a dollar a week. Tliey called m'e a swindler and kicked me So he bought a rug and a fountain pen. | out—■ 'i rundown car, a chair end tnen A set of "Blvcs of Famous Men P'or the feller that loolce like me. The Bully of the "Town. For a dollar down and a dollar a week. —Chorus, I'm looking for the bully. -me bully of the town. I Then Be bought a suit, a hat and shoes , One night I went to^a ball. I'm looking for the bully. .For a dollar down and e dollar a week. I was jgst en.ioving the snort. The bully catt't be found, .He joined the lodse and paid dues When a policeman Grabbed me by the I'm looking for the bully of the town. ip'or a dollar down and a dollar a iieek. arm: That bully tnay walk And he bought a ilns that i/Jh to sec You're wanted du'Wn In court. This world around and around, 1 For the lily white hand of his^lde-W-b^ You've eBca"Ded uh once, but this 'ere time Every day a lady found. . When he got married the minister s fee I take care vou don't get free." When I walk this world around. Was a dollar down and a dollar a v,eek-| He dragged me off. locked me up in Jail— I'm looking for the bully of the town, For the feller that looks like me. I'm looking for the. buUy, I When the baby came the doctor got —Chorus. The bully of the town. • A dollar down and a dollar a week. Tm looking for the bully. jMy friend he fed and clothed the tot 1 was tried next day. found guilty top. . The bully can't be found, , For a dollar down and a dollar a '*^-1 I waa about to be taken down I I'm looking for- the bully of the town. At. last said his wife. T must be When another policeman brought In I rhat bully may walk These weekly payments are ruln'ns The right criminal. Mr. Brown: This world around and around, So she got ft divorce and the ahmonyl They locked hJm up. they let mo go. Evcrr day a lady found. I'.Was a dollar down and a dollar a weLh..| Oh! he slsht to see. When I walk 'hi.'" world around. Tho ucliSStjihan 1 ever saw I'm looking for the bully of the town. Sent in by Mrs. Stella Hendren, Kamlah, "Was tho "felier that looked like me. IIdaho. —Chorus. Ain't It the Truth? I wonder why the one you want Is always so Illusive. the one you love the most Will prove the most abusive.

-Will take you In0"® his youarms. toopo Will prove to be. unluckily Ensnared by other arms. Old Time Songs I wonder why U happens 5Iy Little Red Ford, If you like them tall and dark ph. Bill don't you remember, It^ure to be a little blonde In a little southern town. Who'll ask you out to park? A girl-named Sally Brown we used to chase around. Then also why It's bound to be I took her to a picnic If It's dancing thrills you so! S.STwas therelittle redyou Fordtried one to daysteal my girl ^ with whomo®" you're "0*^ sure to Bgo. Step away. They say it's opposltes attract. YSUAnd she climbed in"5^ with touring you car And they surely do. it seems And when we started home that day Mine are so far from my Ideal I sure was feeling blue. It's been carried to extremes! CHORDS. Some day, I hope, they will Invent When you drove a Buick, A love machine, ,or sumpun. A big yellow Bulck, Then we, to get our kind of man And I drove a little red Ford. Would merely press a buttonl When you passed by me You both tried to guy me Sent In by Kay Wells. Spokane. But your insults I Ignored. a mudhole you struck. BUI, Twas there that you stuck, Bill. IT towed homescreeched that Bulck and moaned. That big yellow Bulck At the rear of my little Red Ford.

"Pretty Liflle Dear." wfsh-wasn.. Bettynful Tlppett, Rogersburg.Switzer, Colfax,Wash. CHORUS. She's a pretty little dear , , And shd lives uptown. Her daddy Is a butcher And his name is Brown. Indeed, he is of a high renown. She's the girl for ine! , Her eyes'ate as bright as diamonds. Her teeth as white as pearls. The Lane County Bachelor, I tell you. boys, she's handsome. Prani: Bolar. 'n ol' bach'lor I |Songs of Long Ago And you bet she's one of thp girls. Chorus— Ymi'iw?ii}' elegant plan The Otndr Kid. We're gonna get married tomonow night. 1 asked her daddy. and he said "All L^e county of |l used to think of others, Chat aiaag vas| right." A-starving^to death on a government unrefined. I feel so bully Tve a notion to get iBut since I've met a certain part?.' well. I "tight." But._ . . REFRAIN.Lane county, the land of But I know that wouldn't do. I I've cbeneed m? mind. . , Chorum ' ' • Ipeaohes, sweet as honsr. manlr and sln- grasshopper, bedbug and I cere. Because her dad's a square old chap |And when he calls me "Candy Kid," puts| He's the richest man in town. music In my ear. He's gdnna give me a house'ahd Ibt ^" ®'"fame boast of her Along With Betsy Brown. Wblle starving to death on my government Chorus— CHORUS, I took my girl to a dance one'ntght. I Oh. oh. oh. oh. you candy kid. It was a social bop. ll'm .^0 craiy about you. I'm nearly off my I We danced until the lights went out. The the national soil, lid. Th!The Tnifroof^has if„® erectedno pitch, according but Is levelto Hoyle, and iLiOve me, early. love me late; kiss your| The music had to stop. I baby, don't hesitate. Chorus- I always get wet "when it happens to rain. lOhi oh, oh oh. you candy kid. Chorus— , I took my girl to a restaurant. The finest in the slate. Ide call.s me caramelale'and bon bon baby.I She said she wasn't hungry Lioi®°Idiho.^'' Crawford, Kel- I too. I ,\nd says, "Tliafs not taffy. I'm Just sim-l But this Is what she ate. J ply daffy over you." I A dozen raw. potato, slaw, r'l know that there ere other sweets Inl Chicken and a roeet; I the 'candy shops, 1 Apple saa. spar-agrass. |3ut you're the sugar plum that makesj Soft shelled crabs on toast. them look like lemon drops." Spinach,' too. crackers, too, Her appetite "was Immense. , When I asked for the bill Git Along, Mule. Sent in by Jennie S. Crowcier, .'Snokane.l I thought I'd die for I had But fifty cents. I have a mule, he's such a fool He docs not pay no heed. Chorus—first stanza and chorus again. ! X built a fire beneath his tall And then he showed some speed.

CHORUS. : Git along, mule, don't roll dem eyes. Down In the Alley and Over the Fence, i You can change a fool, but a doggone luown In the alley and over the fence; I mule I You bring the bucket and I'll bring tcnj I Is a mule until be dies. Crosspatcb. ' I bought some biscuits • for my dog •• 1 Crosspatch, how can you be so cross? Isweet apple cider and sweet compliments: And laid them on a shelf. Won't you tumble off your high horse? I Down In the alley and over the fence. :Tlme.s got so hard. I shot the dog "ITou know you love to be loved, crosspatch: levery one take your plaes w)th a smile I And ate them all myself. 1 If you feel the wind change, they say, 1 on your face. , , ^ It will make your face stay that wa7» lAnd we don't have to call vo unteers. , I'm going down the river's bank And then you'll never be lovedt Iwhat a time for a dime, while we sing To lay me down and die I Cultivate a smile, sweet and sunny, 1 "Auld tang Syne" And If I find the water's wet You can catch a fly with honey; I'll wait until it's dry. You're acting so spoiled, shame, shame, 1X111 the last tasty drop disappears. 1 Everybody knows your name: i iThen down in the alley and over the fence, ' A man in Georgia the other day [ Crosspatch. don't you know it takes two to| lYou bring the bucket and I'll bring ten He took a shot at me. "Bht? . , v.. ; Just as he took the second shot, Won't you kiss and make up tonlgnt? I You know you love to be loved. I "When I'm in the doghouse, It's my resl- I passed through Tennessee. I deuce; . Sent in by John Dunphy, Marshall, Sent In by* Mary E. Wahl. Spokane. I Down In the alley and over the fence. Wash. Sent in by Lucy Pci.tvy. Mullnii. Idalio.