Boston University School of Law Scholarly Commons at Boston University School of Law

Faculty Scholarship

1-2016 Soft kS ills - The mpI ortance of Cultivating Ronald Wheeler Boston Univeristy School of Law

Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarship.law.bu.edu/faculty_scholarship Part of the Law and Psychology Commons

Recommended Citation Ronald Wheeler, Soft - The Importance of Cultivating Emotional Intelligence, 20 AALL Spectrum 28 (2016). Available at: https://scholarship.law.bu.edu/faculty_scholarship/130

This Article is brought to you for free and open access by Scholarly Commons at Boston University School of Law. It has been accepted for inclusion in Faculty Scholarship by an authorized administrator of Scholarly Commons at Boston University School of Law. For more information, please contact [email protected].

SOFT SKILLS THE IMPORTANCE OF CULTIVATING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Boston University School of Law Public Law & Legal Theory Paper No. 16-06

AALL Spectrum, January/February 2016

January 20, 2016

Ronald E. Wheeler Boston University School of Law

This paper can be downloaded without charge at:

http://www.bu.edu/law/faculty-scholarship/working-paper-series/

Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2719155 SOFT SKILLS THE IMPORTANCE OF CULTIVATING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

have always really enjoyed human interaction. All of my life, I have Can “people skills” known that my greatest joys and my most crushing disappointments be taught? How came from my personal and professional human relationships. This reality is one that I have always embraced. For me, it means that I emotional intelligence am one of those “people who need people” that Barbra Streisand can help pave your sings about. These characteristics feel innate to me. I think of myself Ias a super-extrovert, and the fact that I grew up in a household full of way to success. super-introverts seems to underscore the immutability of extroversion. I feel lucky to have somehow inherited these innate people skills. However, BY RONALD E. WHEELER the more I study and break down what we think of as “people skills” or “soft skills” into discrete parts, I discover that, although perhaps partly innate, these soft skills can be developed and improved with work, reflec- tion, and practice.

28 AALL SPECTRUM | WWW.AALLNET.ORG Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2719155 I read somewhere that organizations hire people for their hard skills, but I firmly believe the more we are in touch with our emotions ... they end up firing people for their lack of soft skills. As a law library person- the more we sense these emotions in others … and the more we nel manager, this statement resonates can appropriately express our emotions … the better we are with me. So, what are these hard and as employees. soft skills? Hard skills are technical abilities, factual knowledge, special- ized talents, and education. These are the things people learn in school or in we are as employees. Psychologist better equipped to correctly interpret technical job training. They are also Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional (and avoid misinterpreting) your sur- aptitudes developed through work Intelligence, breaks down emotional roundings and your coworkers. It helps experience, study, or practice. Legal intelligence skills into five basic parts: you avoid the petty misunderstandings research is a good example of a self-awareness, self-management, based on misperceptions that plague hard skill. Soft skills are the skills that self-motivation, , and social many workplaces. Self-awareness allows allow you to use your technical abilities skills. Assessing yourself in each of you to form appropriate and helpful and knowledge effectively in the work- these areas requires honesty and verbal and non-verbal responses to place. They include personal, social, forgiveness as the journey is both hum- people or situations. , and self-management bling and enlightening. Below I share Acquiring a level of self-awareness behaviors. Attempts to define soft skills some frank self-assessments that led about my own insecurities and biases are all over the web, and they can vary me to my breakthrough moments. has helped me to become a better widely. However, most would agree employee, a better manager, and a better that soft skills include self-awareness, Self-Awareness person. Embarrassingly, because of my conscientiousness, adaptability, critical Self-awareness is one of the most own personal history, I have discovered thinking, attitude, initiative, empathy, important and fundamental compo- that I often have a visceral negative self-control, organizational awareness, nents of emotional intelligence. Being reaction to large, tall, white men. This , time management, political self-aware means knowing what you are negative reaction is even more intense if savvy, likability, and persuasive ability. feeling and why, it means knowing what these men are older and somewhat bois- To sum it all up, a person who has a you are good at and what you are not terous. This reaction can cause me to mastery of soft skills can be defined as good at, it means knowing what others form negative opinions, act less friendly, being emotionally intelligent. think about you, and it means really not engage in conversation, and ulti- The best definition of emotional knowing who you are. Self-awareness mately impede productive relationships. intelligence that I have found is from is essential because when you know As I began thinking more about these Jack G. Montgomery of Western yourself and your feelings, you are interactions, I developed the capacity Kentucky University. He says that to recognize when I am having these emotional intelligence is the ability to negative feelings and to examine them sense, understand, and effectively apply in real time. the power and acumen of emotions as I recall vividly the first time I AALL2go EXTRA Watch Jack a source of human energy, informa- G. Montgomery’s “Soft Skills: paused during an interaction with a tion, and influence. Professional Indicators of Success” tall, white man to examine my negative I love this definition because it webinar at bit.ly/AALL2go0115. feelings. I recall thinking to myself: acknowledges the very important, (1) this guy is being perfectly nice READ Dr. Marcia Reynolds’s blog appropriate, and positive role that post “10 Signs You Are Not Using and friendly to me, (2) these negative emotions can play. All of my life I have Your Emotional Intelligence” at feelings have no rational basis, (3) this been called emotional, hypersensitive, bit.ly/10SignsNoEQ and don’t miss must be my own unconscious bias at or tenderhearted in ways that implied her article “Grow Where You Are” work, and (4) I will not be ruled by weakness or negativity. I firmly believe on page 32. bias. I was able to take charge of my the more we are in touch with our LEARN MORE Read Huron Consulting’s actions and not let them be dictated emotions, the more we understand white paper, “Emotional Intelligence: by negative feelings that have no their origins, the more we sense these What Can Learned Lawyers basis in my conscious reality. I was Learn from the Less Learned?” at emotions in others, and the more we bit.ly/JF16HuronEQ. able to interact in more friendly and can appropriately express our emotions appropriate ways with a whole set of

Images © iStock.com./Leolintang/RawPixel Ltd./Angel1978. © iStock.com./Leolintang/RawPixel Images (even in the workplace), the better perfectly wonderful people with whom

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2016 | AALL SPECTRUM 29 Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2719155 interactions had initially been diffi- cult. Moreover, I was able to make my professional circle more expansive, rich and diverse. In this way, being self- aware has helped me to understand my own internal and external likes, dislikes, insecurities, hypersensitivities, and vulnerabilities. It has also helped me to recognize that almost every- one has these kinds of vulnerabilities to overcome and that they can be conquered. So how does one become more self-aware? One strategy is to use “I would disagree. Some managers feel means of self-management, I began think” statements in your own internal that emotions should not be expressed an internal conversation with myself, dialogue. This will allow you to notice at all in the workplace, and I strongly which sounded something like this: patterns or scripts that recur. These disagree with this assertion. “OK, I am getting really angry and patterns will help you to understand I know that I struggle with anger. upset, and these emotions are scaring your own emotions and how they can I struggle with how to feel it, how to me. I need to calm down! I need to be situationally triggered. It also allows process it, and how to express it. I communicate to her that the things you to ask yourself, “Is this really what I never really know when, how, and to she is saying are upsetting and are think?” So, for me, in my big, white guy whom I should let it out. I often don’t unproductive. I need to be calm but example, I began having the following even recognize the feeling of anger emotionally honest.” This internal con- internal conversation with myself: until very late in a situation when I say versation allowed me to acknowledge to myself, “Oh, wait? This is anger I’m my emotions, give myself instructions ¡¡I think he has no respect for me. feeling. I get it!” on my behavior, and plan my response. ¡¡I think he assumes I’m stupid. Having grown up in a household So, I said to her, “The things you’ve with three super-introverts, there was just said are quite upsetting to me.” My ¡¡I think he wishes he didn’t have to never any arguing, yelling, or demon- voice shook as I spoke those words, interact with me. stration of how to best communicate and I paused to take a calming breath After having this same internal con- anger. So, I think I failed to learn how and to look her in the eyes. I could see versation several times, I had to realize and when to express it. The result is her begin to recognize that she had that I had no reality-based reason to that I struggle with anger as a man- made me angry. I then asked, “Why think any of those things and that ager. My default or go-to responses to did you say those things to me? What these white men were perfectly nice, anger in my personal life are to raise purpose did you want to achieve in kind, and professional. I had to admit my voice or to burst into tears, and this meeting? How were you hoping I to myself that I was the source of the neither of these is usually appropriate would respond? Why, exactly, are you problem and that I had to work on my in the workplace. However, working on here in my office?” own internal issues in order to func- self-awareness and self-management Posing these questions served many tion appropriately in the workplace has made me better equipped to rec- purposes. First, they were sincere and elsewhere. ognize anger in myself, to analyze its questions that I had. I was trying to origins, assess its validity, and fashion understand this interaction. Next, they Self-Management appropriate ways to acknowledge and caused her to think and to examine her Self-management is defined as the express it honestly. own motives and intentions. I believe awareness and management of how Years ago, I was having a difficult they caused her to realize that her one tends to encounter the world. It conversation with an employee of behavior was counterproductive and entails controlling how you internally mine in my office. This employee was not going to achieve any of her and externally respond to people or sit- began saying things to me about my desired goals. After a pause, she got up uations both verbally and nonverbally. behavior as a manager that seemed and left my office. Good self-management is not possible to me to be accusatory. Some of her When I think about this incident, without self-awareness, and it allows comments began sounding like veiled it teaches me that being emotionally you to be emotionally honest with threats. These comments certainly honest, by communicating that I was yourself, with your coworkers, and evinced a lack of respect, and they becoming upset, was powerful. Also, others. I feel that emotional honesty is felt intentionally hurtful. I wanted asking her about her motives, instead of extremely important in the workplace, to yell, “What the (EXPLETIVE) are inferring malice, was important to try to but I acknowledge that some people you talking about?” But instead, as a get to the heart of the matter. I believe

30 AALL SPECTRUM | WWW.AALLNET.ORG her hasty exit was the result of her real- the eyes of others and to anticipate skills, have the something extra that izing that the situation had gone awry. the wants and needs of others in the makes them not only insightful and Self-management, informed by workplace. It allows you to be a more productive but popular and sought self-awareness, gave me the tools to compassionate and kinder human after as colleagues or teammates. take charge of this difficult situation. being. Moreover, it helps you to avoid Other psychologists, like Rachel misunderstanding others’ intentions. Brushfield in 2012, have identified Self-Motivation Professor Nancy E. Snow writes in several behavioral indicators that can be Jack Montgomery defines self- her American Philosophical Quarterly used to measure and observe emotional motivation as expending energy in a article titled “Empathy” that “empathic intelligence. These indicators include specific direction for a specific pur- identification is not always fully self-confidence, a self-deprecating sense pose. It requires you to realize what conscious or deliberate. Empathy is of humor, trustworthiness, openness tasks require extra energy and why that produced through a variety of psy- to change, a strong drive to achieve, is. You should also be able to identify cho-physical mechanisms, some of optimism, cross-cultural sensitivity, what the costs are of expending this which operate at fairly deep levels of effectiveness in leading change, persua- energy and on whom these costs will consciousness.” Empathy serves as siveness, empathy, remaining unflus- be imposed. Additionally, if you are not a sort of emotional compass for our tered when challenged, and awareness able to self-motivate, you should recog- actions. Snow posits that an empa- of one’s own emotional state. Indeed, nize why not, what are the costs to you thizer is guided to consciously look taken as a whole, these qualities that personally, what are the costs to others, for signs of other peoples’ emotional measure emotional intelligence have and what (if any) are the remedies? states, to reflect on the appropriateness been seen as predictors of success. In my own professional life, I pro- of his or her response, and to deliberate crastinate until the last minute on most on what kind of action is appropriate Conclusion projects. I realize shortly before proj- in the circumstances. Although technical knowledge, educa- ects are due that I must now self-moti- However, too much empathy can tion, and other achievement indicators vate and expend a ton of extra energy, be counterproductive because it can or hard skills may get you the job, work longer hours, forego happy hour, allow other people to manipulate you. often it is the soft skills that enable you and endure unnecessary stress to For example, empathy has become to advance, get promoted, and have a get the project done on time. I know counterproductive when a supervisor successful career. As one young lawyer what it requires, and I know why. The decides not to draft a disciplinary put it in a recent Huron Consulting cost to me is stress and aggravation. memo about an underperforming white paper, “I wasn’t the smartest stu- However, if I were not able to self-mo- employee because doing so would dent in law school … but I have always tivate, I would have to ask why not? I hurt that employee’s feelings. Empathy understood what makes people tick might have to ponder things like: (1) has also become a problem when and always known my own strengths I hate my job, (2) I don’t care about rather than tell a co-worker that she and weaknesses. I’m not afraid to ask this project, or (3) I really want to be is not carrying her weight, you decide questions and not afraid to look dumb. a personal shopper. The cost to me instead to do some of her work your- Too many brighter lawyers don’t know might be bad self-esteem, disappoint- self to avoid upsetting her. These are how to get on with people.” Knowing ing my peers, and poor evaluations. examples of too much empathy. what these skills and traits are allows The cost to others might be lost profits, one to focus on them and develop low team morale, or that co-workers greater emotional intelligence. These no longer want to work with me. The The final component of emotional are the skills that could pave the way remedy could be changing jobs, seeing intelligence is social skills. Social skills for your ultimate success. ¢ a therapist, getting medication, exercis- are a catch-all category that combines ing more, or planning and scheduling effective communication, situationally work projects more in advance. appropriate assertiveness, listening ability, the ability to take and receive Empathy constructive criticism, the ability to Simply put, empathy is the ability to work successfully in a team situation, understand and share the feelings of and being emotionally honest and RONALD E. WHEELER others. People lacking empathy are expressing emotions appropriately. DIRECTOR OF THE FINEMAN AND PAPPAS LAW LIBRARIES often called self-centered, narcissistic, Socially skilled individuals are able to Associate Professor of WHEELER E. RONALD BY © 2016 or even sociopathic. Empathy helps combine all of the above-mentioned Law and Legal Research you to be a good team player because facets of emotional intelligence in Boston University School of Law Boston, MA it allows you to better understand the ways that enable them to be excellent [email protected] effects that your actions have on oth- employees. These are the employees ers. It helps you to see things through who, in addition to possessing hard

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2016 | AALL SPECTRUM 31