Boston University School of Law Scholarly Commons at Boston University School of Law Faculty Scholarship 1-2016 Soft kS ills - The mpI ortance of Cultivating Emotional Intelligence Ronald Wheeler Boston Univeristy School of Law Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarship.law.bu.edu/faculty_scholarship Part of the Law and Psychology Commons Recommended Citation Ronald Wheeler, Soft Skills - The Importance of Cultivating Emotional Intelligence, 20 AALL Spectrum 28 (2016). Available at: https://scholarship.law.bu.edu/faculty_scholarship/130 This Article is brought to you for free and open access by Scholarly Commons at Boston University School of Law. It has been accepted for inclusion in Faculty Scholarship by an authorized administrator of Scholarly Commons at Boston University School of Law. For more information, please contact [email protected]. SOFT SKILLS THE IMPORTANCE OF CULTIVATING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Boston University School of Law Public Law & Legal Theory Paper No. 16-06 AALL Spectrum, January/February 2016 January 20, 2016 Ronald E. Wheeler Boston University School of Law This paper can be downloaded without charge at: http://www.bu.edu/law/faculty-scholarship/working-paper-series/ Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2719155 SOFT SKILLS THE IMPORTANCE OF CULTIVATING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE have always really enjoyed human interaction. All of my life, I have Can “people skills” known that my greatest joys and my most crushing disappointments be taught? How came from my personal and professional human relationships. This reality is one that I have always embraced. For me, it means that I emotional intelligence am one of those “people who need people” that Barbra Streisand can help pave your sings about. These characteristics feel innate to me. I think of myself Ias a super-extrovert, and the fact that I grew up in a household full of super-introverts seems to underscore the immutability of extroversion. I way to success. feel lucky to have somehow inherited these innate people skills. However, BY RONALD E. WHEELER the more I study and break down what we think of as “people skills” or “soft skills” into discrete parts, I discover that, although perhaps partly innate, these soft skills can be developed and improved with work, reflec- tion, and practice. 28 AALL SPECTRUM | WWW.AALLNET.ORG Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2719155 I read somewhere that organizations hire people for their hard skills, but I firmly believe the more we are in touch with our emotions ... they end up firing people for their lack of soft skills. As a law library person- the more we sense these emotions in others … and the more we nel manager, this statement resonates can appropriately express our emotions … the better we are with me. So, what are these hard and as employees. soft skills? Hard skills are technical abilities, factual knowledge, special- ized talents, and education. These are the things people learn in school or in we are as employees. Psychologist better equipped to correctly interpret technical job training. They are also Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional (and avoid misinterpreting) your sur- aptitudes developed through work Intelligence, breaks down emotional roundings and your coworkers. It helps experience, study, or practice. Legal intelligence skills into five basic parts: you avoid the petty misunderstandings research skill is a good example of a self-awareness, self-management, based on misperceptions that plague hard skill. Soft skills are the skills that self-motivation, empathy, and social many workplaces. Self-awareness allows allow you to use your technical abilities skills. Assessing yourself in each of you to form appropriate and helpful and knowledge effectively in the work- these areas requires honesty and verbal and non-verbal responses to place. They include personal, social, forgiveness as the journey is both hum- people or situations. communication, and self-management bling and enlightening. Below I share Acquiring a level of self-awareness behaviors. Attempts to define soft skills some frank self-assessments that led about my own insecurities and biases are all over the web, and they can vary me to my breakthrough moments. has helped me to become a better widely. However, most would agree employee, a better manager, and a better that soft skills include self-awareness, Self-Awareness person. Embarrassingly, because of my conscientiousness, adaptability, critical Self-awareness is one of the most own personal history, I have discovered thinking, attitude, initiative, empathy, important and fundamental compo- that I often have a visceral negative self-control, organizational awareness, nents of emotional intelligence. Being reaction to large, tall, white men. This leadership, time management, political self-aware means knowing what you are negative reaction is even more intense if savvy, likability, and persuasive ability. feeling and why, it means knowing what these men are older and somewhat bois- To sum it all up, a person who has a you are good at and what you are not terous. This reaction can cause me to mastery of soft skills can be defined as good at, it means knowing what others form negative opinions, act less friendly, being emotionally intelligent. think about you, and it means really not engage in conversation, and ulti- The best definition of emotional knowing who you are. Self-awareness mately impede productive relationships. intelligence that I have found is from is essential because when you know As I began thinking more about these Jack G. Montgomery of Western yourself and your feelings, you are interactions, I developed the capacity Kentucky University. He says that to recognize when I am having these emotional intelligence is the ability to negative feelings and to examine them sense, understand, and effectively apply in real time. the power and acumen of emotions as I recall vividly the first time I AALL2go EXTRA Watch Jack a source of human energy, informa- G. Montgomery’s “Soft Skills: paused during an interaction with a tion, and influence. Professional Indicators of Success” tall, white man to examine my negative I love this definition because it webinar at bit.ly/AALL2go0115. feelings. I recall thinking to myself: acknowledges the very important, (1) this guy is being perfectly nice READ Dr. Marcia Reynolds’s blog appropriate, and positive role that post “10 Signs You Are Not Using and friendly to me, (2) these negative emotions can play. All of my life I have Your Emotional Intelligence” at feelings have no rational basis, (3) this been called emotional, hypersensitive, bit.ly/10SignsNoEQ and don’t miss must be my own unconscious bias at or tenderhearted in ways that implied her article “Grow Where You Are” work, and (4) I will not be ruled by weakness or negativity. I firmly believe on page 32. bias. I was able to take charge of my the more we are in touch with our LEARN MORE Read Huron Consulting’s actions and not let them be dictated emotions, the more we understand white paper, “Emotional Intelligence: by negative feelings that have no their origins, the more we sense these What Can Learned Lawyers basis in my conscious reality. I was Learn from the Less Learned?” at emotions in others, and the more we bit.ly/JF16HuronEQ. able to interact in more friendly and can appropriately express our emotions appropriate ways with a whole set of Images © iStock.com./Leolintang/RawPixel Ltd./Angel1978. © iStock.com./Leolintang/RawPixel Images (even in the workplace), the better perfectly wonderful people with whom JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2016 | AALL SPECTRUM 29 Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2719155 interactions had initially been diffi- cult. Moreover, I was able to make my professional circle more expansive, rich and diverse. In this way, being self- aware has helped me to understand my own internal and external likes, dislikes, insecurities, hypersensitivities, and vulnerabilities. It has also helped me to recognize that almost every- one has these kinds of vulnerabilities to overcome and that they can be conquered. So how does one become more self-aware? One strategy is to use “I would disagree. Some managers feel means of self-management, I began think” statements in your own internal that emotions should not be expressed an internal conversation with myself, dialogue. This will allow you to notice at all in the workplace, and I strongly which sounded something like this: patterns or scripts that recur. These disagree with this assertion. “OK, I am getting really angry and patterns will help you to understand I know that I struggle with anger. upset, and these emotions are scaring your own emotions and how they can I struggle with how to feel it, how to me. I need to calm down! I need to be situationally triggered. It also allows process it, and how to express it. I communicate to her that the things you to ask yourself, “Is this really what I never really know when, how, and to she is saying are upsetting and are think?” So, for me, in my big, white guy whom I should let it out. I often don’t unproductive. I need to be calm but example, I began having the following even recognize the feeling of anger emotionally honest.” This internal con- internal conversation with myself: until very late in a situation when I say versation allowed me to acknowledge to myself, “Oh, wait? This is anger I’m my emotions, give myself instructions ¡¡I think he has no respect for me. feeling. I get it!” on my behavior, and plan my response. ¡¡I think he assumes I’m stupid. Having grown up in a household So, I said to her, “The things you’ve with three super-introverts, there was just said are quite upsetting to me.” My ¡¡I think he wishes he didn’t have to never any arguing, yelling, or demon- voice shook as I spoke those words, interact with me.