Cord the a wilfrid INSIDE news y / December 2nd * yy&Mr /IN THE fi&6\
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An opportunity to ask questions of the E3OP and OME3
iff MagicaCMatt os6orne NEWS
OSAP system outdated
increases. The second level ofOUSA's MARK HEASLEY Rick Martin, Liaison Officer proposed funding program is Cord News for University of Toronto's Part- subsidized Ontario and Canada In a paper written by the Ontario Time Undergraduate Students, said Student Loans. The majority of Undergraduate Student Alliance that OUSA's paper was tailored to students would fall under this (OUSA), the current Ontario Stu- influence Dave Cooke's (Minister category, where all students dent Assistance Program has been of Education and Training) would be considered independ- labelled "inadequate", "essentially upcoming announcement on tui- ent andtheamountof loan would outdated and inefficient", and a tion, expected some time within be based on the student's own system that is "inaccurate and the next 45 days. budget (Resources - Expenses). unfair". "This is a structured argument A student living at home Tim Crowder(WLU Students' what we know the minister is plan- would have to list parental sup- Union VP of External Affairs, and ning to do," Martin said "which is port (housing, food, etc.) among Laurier's representative to OUSA) increase tuition without a similar their resources, and economi- elaborated on this position with increase in provincial funds." cally disadvantaged students some figures that show the increas- OUSA's proposed student could apply as dependent stu- ing demand for student financial funding program is a "three-tiered dents and be assessed along with assistance in Ontario: system, with an income-contingent their family. -this year, 205 000 people applied repayment plan". That is, there are Repayments should not be forOSAP. Up 15% from last year, three different levels of funding made, the plan furthers, until a -loans averaged $5500 this year, (in order of need) and payments student has reached the Ontario up from last year's $3000 average, are made on the loan on the basis of median income level. As of fif- -student loans for this year alone the graduated student's ability to teen years after leaving school totalled $987 million in Ontario. pay. all outstanding loans should be Despite the fact that the aver- The first level consists of an forgiven. What you have... Pic: Anton Volcansek age loan amount has increased, the expanded Ontario Special Bursary The third proposed level of true picture of the state of student Program. Here, students whose student funding is open to stu- est would accumulate on the loans at all that quickly. "The provincial aid is grim. Part of the increased income falls below an as yet unde- dents who have historically been the normal government rate. government needs federal support loan money available came from termined level would have all the denied OSAP - students with Support for an income-contin- for the ICLRP program, since it the elimination of grants to stu- real direct costs of their education relatively high incomes. These gent loan repayment program will be based on federal tax dents, and in the past year, more covered (tuition, compulsory fees, students may have expenses that (ICLRP) has recently grown. Now, records," Tim Crowder voiced his student loans have defaulted than books). The report suggests that are justas high however, and the not only do student lobby groups concern, "and the federal govern- any time in the past 14 years. there should be a possibility of price tag of education beyond such as OUSA and the Council of ment hasn't moved on it yet". In defence of the 118 000 un- repayment on the bursary if the their means. Ontario Universities support it, but In the face of almost certain dergraduate students that it repre- student's income reaches a certain These students should have Ontario Premier Bob Rae has voiced tuition increases, OUSA offers an sents, OUSA has proposed a new level (say $50 000) after a speci- available to them student loans his support for such a program. alternative to shifting the burden student financial aid system that fied amount of time (say 5 years) that would cost the government Despite this support, this repay- ontostudentsby increasingtuition will help offset expected tuition has passed since graduation. little, OUSA says, where inter- ment program may not be instituted costs completely at their expense. How to default on OSAP
JULIE BARKER to figure out a way to pay back you currently hold a major credit creditor, Lacasse explained. is a non-action. It is not meeting Canadian University Press their outrageous student loans. card, a student loan or even a car, According to the Bankruptcy and the conditions of your loan."
OTTAWA — As incoming stu- Today repaying is more diffi- and you find yourself out of Insolvency Act, a first time consumer When default occurs, the gov- dents prepare to protest the pro- cult than ever to do. For some, the money you may consider bank- debtor has all their debts paid after ernment directly seeks collection posed 50 percent increase in tui- only way out is to declare bank- ruptcy. nine months. from the student. If this is deemed tion, graduating students are truing ruptcy or default on their loans. If "Approximately 4 500 stu- "During this time, the debtor has to be unsuccessful and the student dents file a bankruptcy claim to a legal obligation to state his or her remains uncooperative, he or she us each year," said Laurent financial situation (bankrupt)," said is referred to the Justice Depart- Marcoux, director of policy and a senior manager of one of Ottawa's ment and legal action is taken to programs for Canada Student leading bankruptcy firms. pursue the debtor. Loans. After this nine month process, "What graduates don't realize But this does not necessarily the debtor must still wait seven years is that there is flexibility when mean that each applicant has suc- before wiping the slate clean, in or- dealing with student loans," says cessfully defended their claim. der to begin rebuilding a credit rat- Marcoux. "They must repay the "Student loans will almost ing. loan within 10 years but they can
always oppose a discharge,"said But when it boils down to deal- negotiate — forexample, start with Bob Lacasse a senior manager ing with yourstudent loan in particu- smaller payments at the beginning with Peat, Marwick,Thorne Inc, lar, there are other options you can and progressively increase the one of Ottawa's bankruptcy trus- consider. amount, thereby avoidingdefault." tees. "Otherwise, think of how "If you are out of work, you can Both bankruptcy and default much money they would lose," apply for an "interest release" every can have adverse effects on future Lacasse said. three months, from the government," credit for the debtor, both finan- The whole bankruptcy proc- said an official at the Student Loans cially and emotionally. ess is very long and operates on Department. "It is not as simple as people a case by case basis. In some "The government will cover the figure," said a student at the Uni- cases the judge has grants the interest on your loan to help prevent versity of Ottawa whose mother student absolute discharge. In bankruptcy." had to declare bankruptcy as a re- others, the discharge may be Another option is to default or a sult of student loans and other conditional, and there may be an non-payment of your loan. debts. "It keeps after you for the agreement about payment plans "Whereas bankruptcy is a posi- rest of your life. It haunts you What you need... P/ c; Anton Volcansek between the student and the tive action," says Marcoux. "default forever." 4 NEWS THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 First years' have their say SCOTT McCORMICK issue of under-age drinking soon reached about this request, period to get people into the Tur- When residence phones came Cord News arose. The group asked the Stu- WLUSU will approach the Alco- ret. up it was explained that the Uni- On Sunday, Nov. 21, the Wilfrid dents' Union to look into opening hol on Campus Committee. They Two other issues that came up versity is looking at bringing the Laurier University Students' Un- up the Turret on Thursday nights are hoping that something can be were prices at the Turret and the system up to par within the next ion held an open forum in Wilf's. and Wilf's on Friday nights to un- done about this issue by next se- music being played. On the prices two years. It is clear that this is The purpose of this meeting was to der-age Laurier students. This will mester. issue, it was explained that the unacceptable. The fact that things discuss the services offered by the be discussed by both Tim Hranka The second issue that arose Turret currently does not have spe- such as diallingout at certain times Students' Union and how they re- and Dan Dawson as well as the was the publicity issue. Although cials - they just have a price set at is next to impossible (what hap- late to first year students. The BOD. Once a decision has been WLUSU advertises in the Cord, one level. Although other bars may pens in a 91 ] situation?) and that the students present felt that these have specials on some nights, their receiving calls is also difficult. ads have little effect, and that a regular prices are set higher. With Parents are not able to get in touch more directapproach is necessary. WLUSU, instead of paying the with their kids when they need to Such an approach would involve regular price of $3+ their price is and are spending a lot of money in contacting the first year students set at $2.75 to offer the best all the process. directly in the residences. This around value for students. In addition to this, things such could include using posters in the On the issue of music it was as Voice Mail, which was prom- residences, or sending information stated that Thursday and Friday ised for November of this year, directly to the floor reps. Nights have been changed to all may never happen. In response to The students were also upset request and as we get an idea of this the Students' Union is organ- in regards to line ups at the Turret. what it is the students want, we izing a letter writing campaign to They saw this as a hassle because will go out and purchase this mu- the Board of Governors. they lined up for half an hour to an sic. This meeting was the first of hour to find that once they got On the issue of food in Wilf's, three meetings geared to gather inside theTurret it was half empty. it was pointed out that under-age input from the often under-repre- Hranka explained that one possi- first year students can get into sented first year students. The ble explanation for this problem Wilf's during the day up until 6 Board of Directors, particularly was the fact that students tend to pm. As well it was brought up that those who attended, should be come at one time to the Turret and there is a take-out window for commended for facilitating this therefore congestion occurs. It was Wilf's, and in the future (possibly forum and the first year representa- suggested that perhaps a way to next semester) there may be a de- tives that participated should be avoid this may be to open up one of livery service to the residences recognized for their productive Supposedly, you can get into WilPs before 6:00pm under age. the other stairwells for the peak from Wilf's. input. UNB prof called pro-rape KATHLEEN HONEY UNB President Robin L. Yaqzan said he felt his opinions ous that a girl or a woman who is about me." Cord News Armstrong, said he was not pre- had been misunderstood. Hisorigi- willing to engage in a sexual act Yaqzan is currently demand- "For those entering a university, pared to comment on whether there nal article stated "And, ifa promis- with many, is not really against the ing monetary compensation for the co-ed residences may be help- were other incidents in Yaqzan's cuous girl becomes a victim of an act per se, as would be a girl with interviews, ranging from $5000 to ful, but they do not provide an teaching career that would prompt unwanted sexual experience, it a conviction that was wrong to do $100 000. He said "The reason opportunity for sexual gratifica- such a review. would be more reasonable for her so." was that the only way to counter tion for all the male students, and The UNB Policy and Proce- to demand some monetary com- In the letter, Yaqzan alsochal- any misuse of the immense power therefore the need for the so called dure on Sexual Harrassment states, pensation forherinconvenienceor lenged Traves or anyone else "to of our society, is through the court date-rape." "The university is committed to discomfort, rather than express cite a single statement that can be system, which is entirely based on This is what Matin Yaqzan creating and maintaining an envi- moral outrage..." Yaqzan said this considered irresponsible. If hecan- money." wrote in an opinion article appear- ronment, for all students and em- comment "was only about 'pro- not, then he is morally obligated to A copy of the original opinion ing in the November 5 issue of the ployees, that is free from objec- miscuous' girls. A girl is promis- make a public apology and the article can be read at the Cord Brunswickian, the University of tionableand disrespectful conduct. cuous if she sleeps around with media have an obligation to give it Feedback Booth today, or in the
New Brunswick's student news- Sexual harassment will not be tol- boys - many boys.". the same kind of publicity that Cord offices. paper. erated by the University of New He added "It should be obvi- they have given to false statements with files from the Brunswickian Yaqzan, an assistant professor Brunswick." for the department of Mathematics UNB's Vice President Aca- and Statistics, stated in his article demic, Tom Traves, said in a No- that "...the girls who use the word vember 11 interview that Yaqzan's m rape to describe their dislike of a opinion may have crossed the line f\i i particluar encounter in their end- of freedom of speech."We do rec- ATTENTION LAURIER STUDENTS: less experiences, do a disservice to ognize that there are always some Hi fl those who abide by the old tradi- constraints on free speech, more tions." specifically, when it comes to an Yaqzan was suspended from issue of sexual harassment," said the University on November 12, Traves. "Under some circum- was a and instructed to stay away stances, free speech has limita- EURAILPASS ~ from the UNB campus during the tion." - PRICES INCREASE suspension. Last Friday the sus- Both Traves and Armstrong pension was lifted, but at press had shown some concern over time Yaqzan had not returned to Yaqzan stating his affiliation with JANUARY 1994! the classroom. the University. Armstrong stated A November 19 press release in a letter to the editor appearing in t^e ' nCreaSe from the UNB Department of Pub- the Brunswickian November 12, lic Relations and Information said "Writing as a professor in a univer- "The suspension of mathematics sity publication he [Yaqzan] im- professor Matin Yaqzan was not plied an authority that was neither intended as a disciplinary action.... appropriate nor real. It is true that The suspension was intended to freedom of speech is inherent in a provide a cooling off period so that democratic society. But free speech public safety and an orderly does not equal irresponsible on speech." acedemic environment campus — STOP TRAVEL CUTS FOR — could be maintained." The Brunswickian received 1 1 BY ALL THE DETAILS The press release added "The letters to the editor in addition to parties [the university and the As- the one from Armstrong. The No- sociation of University of New vember 19 edition of the Brunswick Teachers] have been Brunswickian included an inter- "TRAVELCUTS assured that Prof. Yaqzan does not view with Camille Paglia, noted University Shops Plaza, 170 University Ave. W. 886-0400 advocate, nor does condone vio- feminist critic and controversial of kind against women." author, supporting Yaqzan's views. lence any The Travel the Canadian Company of Federation of Students Oil Reg. #2592241 jj. _ In an interview with the In a November 1 1 response to weeks ago, a letter from the Brunswickian, >; |' | : ii;:|' | | | ; | | . | | | A Brunswickian two ViI 1 I I Ii ■ 1 - 1111 1 M I ■ 1 ; i 1 11 \J THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 NEWS 5 No security in your home INGRID NIELSON just looked in our window. opened her door to a terrified stam- Cord News Commentary How? Why? I went straight pede. We all ended up behind her "1 have to keep talking or 1 won't over to the window as my own way closed door. stop thinking. I keep seeing his of dealing with the fear. 1 opened A laugh or two tried to break face." the window, looked around, yelled the tension. One of us tried a quick
She's trembling. She's shiver- a sarcastic greeting , and declared dash under the bed only to realize ing. Her teeth are chattering. there was nothing out there now. that it isn't quite as easy as it ap- We're sitting here in a state of Yes there was; our sense of pears on TV, with two feet chop- furious terror, at 4:30 am, unable security. ping the air like scissors gone to even consider walking down- Quite spooked, but not in com- berzerk. stairs alone. We're in our own plete unison of belief, we analyzed Lianne's pale face and groggy home. how likely it was that the person eyes looked to us for an explana- The three of us were sitting had actually been out there. L.J. tion, and then joined our fear when around the living room chatting believed it completely, Lisa hadn't she sensed the same sitting-duck leisurely like we always do. It was seen it and wasn't sure, and I sim- sensation. Lisa and L.J. were cry- about 12:30 am and we were con- ply denied it to myself. ing. Lianne and I called the police. sidering heading to bed. Most of "I don't want to go downstairs "Someone, call the police." the lights were still on but the TV by myself. Someone come with "What's the number?" was off. me. I have to go pee." "I don't know. Check the Cord L.J. and I thought we'd heard "I was going down to bed any- Guide." a noise offto the side of the house. way." "1 can't find it. Call 9-11!" Just a squirrel snapping a twig, we "Hey, don't leave me!" "Don't do that. Call the opera- told ourselves. With L.J. and myself halfway tor." We chatted a little more, as down the stairs, Lisa quickly fol- "How do I do that?" Lisa and L.J. sat on the couches lowed, but not without a quick look "What!??" and I leaned against the kitchen back at the window. "Give me the phone." counter. The big bare window di- A man's distinct face peered Who's on first? Locking your doors isn't enough File pic rectly in front of us glistened with back. A few of us called boyfriends, was dripping moisture of condensation A piercing scream, and a flurry or guys we know nearby, and re- running up and down my spine "The first thing I did look a as L.J. glanced towards it. of steps led Lisa crashing down the ceived instant concern. There was like shocks as the outside officer for weapon." "What's that?" stairs, collapsing into a ball, sob- a knock on the door, and everyone returned and re-affirmed ourstory. "I want a baseball bat." "Oh my God." bing. I ran up to grab her, and tried jumped in fear and then relief as the "There's a footprint on the You know what really scared Silence. to get her to stop sobbing uncon- officer called through the door. railing by the window, and more us? This was actually a rather mi- "That was a head." trollably. Holding her, I felt her After explaining what hap- leading out to Spruce Street." nor incident compared to what can Faces turned in terror as the fear meet mine. pened, one officer went straight "There's nothing more we can happen. We can only begin to im- that the fear that more two of us confirmed what we'd Our other roommate woke up outside. The other one listened in- really do here. But of course, if he agine fear, just seen. A man's silhouette had to the scream and commotion, and tently to the situation. Shivers were comes again, call us."The officer often than not is felt by women and also said he'd drive around the described to men, or at least that area, and the other said she'd park has been our experience. We sat on outside the house for a while. the couches calming each other McGill Students' Society stops As soon as they left, and the down for about two and a half shuddering settled a little, we put hours afterwards. sponsoringRed Cross blood drives up sheets and towels over the Suddenly ourcool homeaway semi-bare windows. Plans were from home had turned into a fish made for a motion-light out back, bowl in the middle of a war zone, LIZ UNNA rather than on high-risk activities and perpetuates a peep-hole in the front door, leaving us all substantially shell Canadian University Press misinformation about how AIDS is spread. major lighting adjustments, and a shocked.
MONTREAL (CUP) — The McGill Students' Soci- The same question asks whether or not the poten- sub-sonic sensor House Alarm Please, if you have had an ex- ety passed a motion at last Thursday's council meet- tial donor has shared needles, or accepted money or was decided upon. perience similar to this in the Wa- ing to cease sponsoring the Canadian Red Cross drugs in exchange for sex. "All others [parts to We remembered suddenly all terloo area - tell the police imme- (CRC) blood drive on McGill campus unless they question 12, besides the first part] are activity specific, the risks we had taken lately. I had diately. One thing I definitely reword their questionnaire which unfairly targets they don't ask 'are you a prostitute, are you a drug lived in the same house this sum- learned from this ordeal was the homosexual men. user'...What does this say about the CRC's view of the mer, alone, with no curtains yet quality of support. Everyone we The same motion was defeated at a Post Graduate homosexual community?" asked vp finance Paul and no telephone. We all walk called was immediately concerned Students' Society (PGSS)council meetingon Nov. 3. Johnson, who strongly supported the motion. LBGM home at night, sometimes alone. and involved, men and women. Many PGSS councillors supported the motion in objects to the question because it prevents a whole Last week, 1 had walked home It may have been a man on the principle, but felt that a blood drive boycott was too community from donating blood, while allowing, for from the library at 3:00 am. other side of the window, but it harsh a measure. example, women who have had unprotected sex to Is it wrong to do these things? was also men on the other end of The motion, submitted to council at therequest of donate. LBGM drew attention to the fact that while Does it matter? the phone ready to help any way Lesbians, Biscxuals and Gays of McGill (LBGM), rates of AIDS among gay men are platcauing, those "I feel like I'm in a fucking they could. Anyone who tries to takes issue with the first part of question 12 of the among heterosexual women are rising steadily. cage." The terror overtook her tell me this is purely a women's CRC Health Assessment Questionnaire which asks Council was strongly divided over the motion. demeanour, as tears were still slid- issue that men shouldn't be in- potential male donors if, since 1977, they have had Athletics rep James Steward stated that the motion ing. volved in solving, is as much of a "sex with another male, even once." James Edwards "puts the [Students' Society] constitution ahead of the "This fear makes me so furi- threat as the slime that was hang- from the Concordia Queer Collective, who attended lives of others", and urged other councillors not to let ous. We always have to be afraid, ing off our window. We have to the meeting, said, "Let's face it, how many queer supporters of the motion silence their views. Despite living in fear. I'm so fed up." think we can change things for the males haven't had sex since 1977?" According to Steward's 'heroic' effort, sixteen councillors voted in " I hate the fact that the first better. We just have to. Edwards, the question focuses on high-risk groups favour of the motion, six against, and ,:our abstained. instinct was to call a guy." But until then, bat-ter up! PRE-TURRET '##■"VHma "1' j CHICKEN CHOKER CIIMDAY NIGHT > This coupon entitles the bearer to a basket wwlil/Al lilvm I lAw of our largest, juiciest order of wings 1 BURGER SPECIAL I for only $4 (plus taxes). I 61 ftft 1/o I d I /fj&\ Good only 5-9pm Thursday. I y 1.77 I/l Lb. VaUdu er2/93 fftoMy 1 BURGER & FRIES 'rff *drink purchase necessary I "drink purchase necessary 6 NEWS THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 Bored Watch Student $$$$ Publication WLUSP needs Chris Bradley reported that the month, WLUSP will lose money, revenue from the Advertising De- unless significant increases in rev- DARREN MAHAFFY partment was looking up. Despite enues are found. Cord News Commentary the fact that the supplementaries Last Week Two weeks ago like the Cord Guide, WLUer, and At the November 18 meeting At the November 11 meeting Cerebelia calendar were $12 700 the BOD was met with some angry several interesting things occurred. behind budgeted projections, Chris protest. Phill Kinzinger decided that, was happy to report that the Cord Lisa McCormick, from the in fact, the BOD would not be was only $1200 behind schedule. Grad Student Association, came to clarifying the in camera session, Chris did report to the Board vehemently protest the BOD charg- other than to repeat that it was that the Ad Department is working ing GSA members $ 1 for the Cord "personnel related." It was disap- with renewed vigour. He expected Guide. She felt the levy was unjust pointing that the Chair had led the the revenue intake to continue to because GSA members pay stu- public to believe the subject would increase over the up-coming dent fees, they don't infringe on be publicized when he had no in- weeks. He cited the example of Student Publications' exclusive tention of doing so. one of the Ad Production Assist- right to advertising at WLU, and The BOD received a prelimi- ants voluntarily going out and so- because the GSA and WLUSU nary report on the possibility of liciting ads without personal pay- have an agreement that allows the WLUGSA seeks pic: Sheldon Page leasing their own computer sys- ment. GSA free access to all student serv- recognition tem. However, Mike Rosenblatt Adrienne reported that ices. though Publications does receive egade ad sales (as reported last felt that a proper inventory of Stu- WLUSP received its portion of Basically the entire spectacle fees from the GSA, it amounts to week) will be dealt with. She and dent Publications' hardware and Student Activity Council fees. As was redundant. It was clear from very little as a portion of the total Dean-o will be imposing harsh software was required before any a result, the BOD iscurrently oper- the beginning that the BOD was budget. Heather's numbers indi- penalties on perpetrators. By this decisions would be made. The ating in a surplus position. How- not going to reverse its decision of cated that grad students pay about time next year, Adrienne hopes a computers will be the main focus ever, because the BOD doesn't a previous meeting. $1.83 each per year while that the BOD will have generic of tonight's meeting. recognize revenue month by Heather pointed out that, al- undergrads pay $7.03 each per program of settlement. The prec- year. Heather felt that this was edent she sets in current negotia- more than compensated for by the tions will likely set the basis for WLU profto chair COU committee production of the Cord and the this program. WLUer. In other business, Sheldon re- McCormick stated that she did ported that the BOD needed to on status ofuniversitywomen not want the money back that was appoint a member to sit on the amount of funds loaned to students The committee recently dis- previously collected, but just an "Cord Constitution Review Com- ANDREW HOPPER on the students' summer earnings. tributed a handbook on the devel- apology. In the end, Phill asked mittee" which will decide if the Cord News A lot of women do not make as opment of women's issues for the BOD if they wanted to amend Constitution needs to be reviewed, amended or altered in any way. Wilfrid Laurier University's Dr. much money as their male coun- University presidents. their previous motion and no one However, because the "mani- Martha Laurence has been ap- terparts, so the committee is work- The main problem the com- did. a note, festo" (my word) has not been an pointed as Chairperson for a ten ing on a policy to change the gov- mittee faces is the change in atti- On lighter the BOD the member committee on the status ernment's policy on OSAP. tudes towards women'srights. The appointed two members to the Uni- issue this year, I suspect proc- Building Committee and ess will be quite quick. of women in Ontario universities. The committee is also work- committee realizes the process of versity a concludes the BOD The committee was established by ing on a a document regarding the changes in attitudes is slow, deferred a decision to appoint That mega week. Next week the Council of Ontario Universi- sexual harassment cases at the uni- but in reality any drastic sociologi- member to the University Aesthet- Watch for this for the beginning of "THE ties. versities. cal change is gradual. ics Committee. watch ren- COMPUTER SAGA." Laurence, a professor in the As well, they are working on a To create awareness of poli- Adrienne reported that faculty of Social Work, was ap- policy that hammers down the cies is what the committee is look- pointed as Chairperson ofthe com- growing awareness of equity and ing towards in their current five mittee on Thursday, October 29. employment regarding university year plan. But the committee has The term of the Chairperson is for administrative and faculty posi- one large obstacle to overcome: one year. tions. the inertia of human behaviour. The committee's mandate is OINO'S PIZZA to develop research, to work on the y development of data, and to create Waterloo s Newest r-r documents to improve policies on women's issues. The committee was formed nine years ago in response to an S[nH rest, increased focus on women's eq- DEALER UU warehouse uity rights in Ontario universities. The committee is preparing poli- cies and documents to be imple- mented into the university system. Great Prices - Good Service!!! One of these issues is the re- distribution of OSAP plans to women. The current policy of the best!" Ontario government bases the SOFTWARE 7' RENTALS CD S "LARGE" "''FREESLICEi | Expires Dec. r | 2/93 jPEPPBRONIi I Purchasing Software or Hardware? ' pizza |!
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—— needs you! Recent developments in the Security field have made it apparent that Bag O' Crime is not a bag and that its subject matter extends beyond the realm of crime. So we need you. 1) Think up a new name for the security report 2) Write it down with your name, phone number, and student number 3) Bring submissions to the Cord offices (3rd floor SUB) by Dec 3 @ high noon The writer of the winning entry will receive See Our Catalogue "Books For Everybody" an honourable entry in the new format. A Shopping Guide For Every Taste Now more than ever the Bag O' Crime is what you make it. Our Warmest Complements Of The Season WLU Student Publications and the Cord do not support crime or violence or anything else that interferes with anyone else's right to From All |wOJI BOOKSTORE peacefully enjoy a beer without the fear of pain. Except for the The Staff in the concourse occasional scrogging binge. 8 NEWS THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 Bag O' Crime BOD bickers MARK HEASLEY On January 22, Laurier is hosting thefirst Ontario Straightfrom the Offices ofJohn Baal, Laurier's ChiefofSecurity Cord News Undergradute Student Alliance (OUSA) Grand As-
- sembly. At this student association, love-in policies Nov. 15 03:00 : Attempted Suicide Last week's Students' Union BOD meeting opened Acting on information received, an officer went to the residence of with a bit of bureaucratic savagery when six BOD will be presented and the constitution ratified for this a WLU student where he found the subject in a semi-conscious members launched into a fifteen minute debate on student lobby group. condition clutching an empty pill bottle. The subject was delivered why the agenda for the meeting should not be adopted. In his general report, Rob Trojansek (VP Market- to the K/W Hospital and treated for a drug overdose. These Directors (and others besides) didn't re- ing) said all was well except for some problems with
- ceive a of within hours (WLU Director of Ancillary Services). Nov. 15 16:25 : Arson copy the proposed agenda 48 Cliff Bilyea Security responded to a call reporting a fire in the garbage bin prior to the meeting as specified in the BOD manual. According to Sean Taylor, Trojansek, and other vari- located in Lot #7. Several students equipped with chemical fire Hugh MacPhie (BOD Chairman) made various apolo- ous disgruntled BOD members, Bilyea is miffed that extinguishers were already at the scene putting out the fire when gies to these gravely offended Directors and re- the Centre Spot (a WLUSU run operation) is under- security arrived with additional fire extinguishers. The fire was quested they just accept the agenda. They did. Thank cutting him by $0.40 per can on Jolt cola. This under control prior to the arrival of the Fire Dept. The fire men God. apparently violates the 1977 operating agreement saturated the entire fire zone (approx. 20 bags) with water to prevent Three BOD members will be representing Lau- between the Union and the administration. flare-ups. Several witnesses reported seeing a young male who had rier at a Canadian Organization of Student Associa- Also mentioned was Billyea's attempt to get been acting peculiar run from the scene when the fire started. The tions (Business Alliance) (COSABA) conference in Campus Crew thrown out of a fashion show on campus suspect, who is between 14 to 16 years old, wore a yellow and red Edmonton, from November 24 to 26. This is a because they violated Purple and Gold's trademark. ski jacket. Witnesses were unable to give more detailed description business consortium being es- From the VP of Student Serv- since the culprit was crouched behind several bags of garbage piled tablished to increase the buying ices, Tara Collins came with the around the outside of the bin. power of student associations. announcement that eleven campus Bored Watch were - are clubs to be axed (largely due Nov. 15 19:05 : Missing Person Elected to go Sean Taylor At this time the concerned parents of a WLU student requested (Students' Union President), to lack of complying with budget Students' Legal Re- Security assistance in helpingthem locate their daughter. According Tim Hranka (the Union's Busi- Union requirements). Also to the parents the student had not returned to her residence for ness Manager), and Tim sources were cutting back their several days. Student was located and advised to contact her parents. Crowder (Students' Union VP hours, and an antenna on a foot walkie-talkie got broke. - Affairs). patrol Nov. 16 19:50 : Theft of External A WLU student reported the theft of a lap-top computer. The student Taylor is obliged to go be- Aileen McPherson, VP of Stu- left the computer in a lounge in the Peters Building while attending cause of his position, Hranka is Laurier's expert on dent Activities, mentioned in her report that a survey a class. this matter (and wants a job related to this next year), of the student body will be done to figure out what students want brought on cam- - Crowder's five minute soliloquy on entertainment Laurier Nov. 16 23:45 : Disturbance and apparently on At this time Security was summoned to the Turret to remove two why he was qualified to go touched the rest of the pus. To get ready for the Waltons here campus, be out on pugnacious pub patrons. Culprits were highly inebriated and taken Board. The price for this expedition came in at a little red tractors will handed Wednesday. into custody. They were later released without charges. Their bad modest $2370, and was easily passed by the Board. The theme forthis year's Charity Ball is"comebe part behaviour will be reported to the DAC. Having returned from a Council of Ontario Uni- of the tradition and celebrate your dreams".
- of interest is that the WLUSU - versities you remember, the people that Finally, passing Dec. 3 12:00 : Contest (COU the It has been brought to the attention of the News Editors of the Cord, recommended the 50% tuition hike) Conference, Board of Directors doesn't think much of WLU that Bag O' Crime is neither a bag, nor does it exclusively contain Taylor and Crowder described it as a bunch of aca- Board of Governor's decision to alter drop fees, and a crime. In response, the Cord is having a contest to rename Bag O' demics sitting around talking about economic re- will be starting a letter writing campaign to protest it. Crime. Submit your entry, with your name, phone number, and newal and what they think students want. student number, to the Cord offices by December 3, at noon. The Laurier's speaker series will be taking place in Editor's Note: Since this meeting it was decided that writer of the winning entry will receive an honourary entry in the January, and Charlie Angelakos (External Affairs Tim Crowder will not be attending the COSABA new format Board Chair) is hoping to get Lynn McLeod (Ontario conference. This will cut the price of the trip by Liberal leader) to take part. approximately $700.
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Laurier winning streak PETE ROBINSON Cord Sports The Hawkey Hawks are on a roll. Lauricr posted two impres- sive road victories this weekend over York and Brock, to up their record to 7-1. With this pair of victories the Hawks extend their winning string to seven games, and remain a point behind Western for first in the Far West Division. Last Thursday at York, Lau- rier turned in what was probably their best effort ofthe year, beating the Yeomen 5-1, a score that could have been much worse had York not received some excellent goaltcnding. The first period was scoreless. The only goal that was scored was by Hawk wingerSmitty Kulafofski and it was called back when the ref called Hawk rookieGavin Christie for being in the crease. Three and a half minutes into the second, York opened the scor- ing when Yeoman sniper Ben Davis deflected a Shane Dungey shot from the point, and beat Hawk goalie Rick Pracey. It was all that the Yeomen could muster as the Laurier's strong defensive play limited the Yeomen to a mere thir- teen shots on net. It took the Hawks only twenty seconds to respond, when Christie set up Craig Boyce in the slot and The Wilfrid Laurier men's hockey team wins yet another dual on the ice. File pic Boyce buried the biscuit behind varsity York goalie Joe Dimaline. The Radobenko proceeded to drop ance. "Anytime you beat a good The Hawks were again in ac- division on paper at least, with Hawks then counted a powerplay Kulafofski with a straight right hockey team like York on the road tion Saturday night at Brock and three teams in the top ten in the marker from Chris George a minute hand that earned him a two minute you have to be pleased," he said. again turned in asolid effort. Chris country. However, Laurierwill not later. rest, and made himself look rather York coach Graham Wise George paced the Hawks with a play any of these teams this year The third period saw the stupid. praised Laurier for their solid ef- hat trick, and Mark Strohack and with the new schedule Hawks continue to pour it on. With Ryan Merritt rounded out the fort. "They're a good solid hockey Ryan Merritt added singles as the alignment...With the Hawks play- Laurier up 3-1, on a Mike Dahlc scoringwhen he cashed in a breaka- club, it should be an interesting Hawks beat theBadgerss-3. Notes: ing so well it should be interesting goal, Jim McLaren's point shot way marker at the 18:43 mark. battle between them and Western The Hawks are in action tonight at to see how Gowing manages his was deflected by Kulafofski past Quite understandably Head for that division." Guelph...An interesting situation roster when players like Kevin Dimaline. York's frustration be- Coach Wayne Gowing was very The final shots were 40-13 is shaping up in the OUAA. The Greco and Ken Ruddick return gan to show when defenseman Rob happy with his team's perform- Laurier. Far East Division is the strongest from injuries. Aggressive Lady Hawks tame some Wildcats JIM ELKINS the Hawks were scramblingaround Cord Sports in front of Woodstock's crease. The WLU women's hockey team Cheryl Ross dumped the puck into celebrated their first victory of the the fray where Susan Ratz scored season beating up on the while lying on her back. The Hawks Woodstock Wildcats in a 4-1 win. gave up a goal minutes later end- The Ladyhawks' Friday prac- ing the second period. tice was based on power skating Less than four minutes into drills and it paid off early in the the third period Wendy Wallace first period. Amy Massi blew past carrried the puck up the ice and the Woodstock defenders and side-stepped the defence but was flipped the puck over a sprawling brought to her knees by a Wildcat Wildcat goalie. The Hawks pressed winger. Wendy continued to con- the attack throughout the first pe- trol the puck and managed to deak riod dominating the Wildcats in the Woodstock goalie. The Wild- their own zone. Hawk goaltender cats had no luck in attacking the Kim Chappel denied the Wildcats Hawk zone and were forced to any chances with her aggressive attempt a dump and chase tech- play. nique. This allowed the Hawk de- The Hawks came on strong fence to carry the puck out of the again in the second period with zone and force the Wildcats to determination to be the first to the regroup in their own zone. puck and constantly pressing the The key to the Hawk victory attack. Rima Katorji split the was astrong attack, a good breakout Woodstock defence and filled the and aggressive goaltending. The mesh with less than two minutes Hawks play this Sunday at 9 pm at Women's hockey team hot on ice. pic: Jim Elkins off the clock. Five minutes later the Bubble. 10 SPORTS THE CORD Thursday, November 25,1993 Jammin' slammin' Scabs on ice and well... SCOOT SOTINSON Bettman and his buddies at the Let's face it, if the fight is Cord Sports league offices have adopted a posi- between the refs and the league, It's official. The officials are offi- tion that has only hurt the game. the public is, for the most part, cially on strike. That was fun, Naturally, the biggest stum- indifferent. However, if it was the wasn't it? Now then, ifyou haven't bling block in the negotiations thus refs against the exceedingly figured out where I'm headed yet, far has been the money. Depend- wealthy owners, the public would it's time to take a look at the recent ing on who you believe, the league be more inclined to sympathize strike by the National Hockey and the NHLOA are about $1.5 with the officials. In effect, that League Officials million apart. While $1.5 million $1.5 million difference works out Association(NHLOA). is nothing to sneeze at, the main to about $60,000 more from each The issues here, like most work thing to remember is where that team. 1 find it hard to believe that stoppages, are rather simple. In a money would come from. The teams that pay out millions of dol- nutshell, the NHLOA wants more league merely acts as a negotiating lars to their players would be in a money and benefits than the league agent for the people who pay the real bind to scrounge up an extra is willing to offer. No surprise bills, namely, the owners. Owners sixty grand. there. While it's hard to say which who have cleverly let Bettman and Money issues aside, the side is being more unreasonable Co. handle all the dirty work of the league's stance is a curious one to than the other, it is easy to figure negotiations, while they can still say the least. In allowing the out that NHL Commissioner Gary act like the good guys. NHLOA to strike, the league has dug up a bunch of replacement officials who have done part-time officiating for events like the Ol- ympics and Junior Championships. The referee in each game also gets a wireless ear piece in which a league supervisor, who is watch- THEHawksWEEK of ing the gamefrom the mediabooth, can give him all sorts of great ad- Chris George - Hockey vice. Bettman has basically de- Hawks with four goals Chris had a great week as he lead the Hawkey cided to prove that these scab refs in two The Hawks' is really helping the the team tear games. captain can do a competent job, thereby studying physical up the league. Chris is a third year Waterloo native weakening the NHLOA's main ar- had a tough to their season as they dropped two education. gument that they are an invaluable The Hawks start the hands of the Waterloo Warriors and the part of the game. games last week at Wahl - Basketball Wahl led all scorers with nineteen points Amy This strategy amazes me. If Windsor Lancers. Amy is a first player from Waterloo (Bluevale) who is having a are and have been Amy year there is no noticeable difference in the two games. The Hawks very young the Hawks in This is a great rookie season in OWIAA. Amy is leading the the games controlled by struggling with injuries all season. team having tough between is scoring as well as being a very aggressive defender. This player will the scabs and those controlled by time of it right now but coach Lindley determined to change have a long and successful career in the women's basketball program The Hawks the addition of Sheri Cotton and the NHLOA, Bettman will be things around. hope at Laurier. help to turn things proved correct. Then what? The Camilla Vejvalka from the soccer team will around. pic: Keli Watson Continued on page 1 1
Close race IN THE in THL DECEMBER 2 HH ROB HUMS Tampa Bay is tied for third with three wins EDITION OF Kn Cord Sports against two losses. It remains a close race as teams are jockey- SAN JOSE 3 QUEBEC 3 ingforposition in theTamiac Hockey League Quebec tied their third game in five THE CORD, as it nears the Christmas break and the starts with this tie against San Jose. BMI subsequent splitting into two four-team di- Tony Romany opened the scoring late visions. Six of eight teams in the Tamiae in the first period to give San Jose a 1 -0 lead. WATCH lull Hockey League will qualify for the Mullin- Quebec answered back with two of their Nesbitt Cup playoffs next March, and near- own in the second period by Jay Chappell ing the midway point of the regular season and Randy Coyle, only to lose the lead after FOR only four points separate third from eighth a goal by San Jose's Glen Rankin. The |R1 in the overall standings. teams traded early third period goals — OTTAWA 4 TAMBA BAY 3 Jamie Howe for San Jose and Greg St. Louis
After coming out on top of a well- for Quebec — but then could not score on A FULL Hal played 2-1 victory over Detroit, Tampa Bay San Jose's Jason Trotter or Quebec's Dave was looking to share first place overall with Sinclair for any winning goals. a win over Ottawa. San Jose, with the tic, holds sole posses- Tampa Bay took a quick lead on a goal sion of second place with a record of 3-1 -1. by Chet Morin five minutes into the first Quebec is in fifth place overall with a 1 -1 -3 period. Ottawa's Scott Archer tied the game record. OF three minutes lateronly to haveTampa Bay CALGARY 6 ANAHEIM 4 regain the lead early in the second period on Afterao-2start,the 1991 Mullin-Nesbitt a goal by Jeff Anderson. The see-saw affair Cup champion Calgary has reeled off three RESIDENCE IfesZI continued as Ottawa's Alan Avery tied the consecutive victories. Anaheim, on theother game once again on a nice three-way pass- hand, lost yet another close one. Winless, ing play with Brad Carnegie and Jason with two ties in five starts, Anaheim has only PHONE Hoi man. been outscorcd by a total of five goals. |0M Ottawa took control of the game in the Calgary took a commanding 6-3 lead third period on goals from Archer and Brian late in the second period on four goals from McGoffin. Despite being assessed seven Greg Rickwood and singles from Brad EXTENSIONS third period penalties, Tampa Bay showed Tubman and Rob Bobier (both assisted by much determiniation and grit and fought Rickwood). Anaheim fought back to tie the back to within one, on a George Wilson score with five minutes remaining in the goal. In the end, however, Tampa Bay was game, only to sec Calgary score three unan- denied the tying goal primarily due to the swered goals — Rickwood's fifth and Bobier spark ling goal tending of Ottawa's Emerson and Tubman's second each. Keung. Trevor Newell and Darren Armstrong Ottawa, undefeated in five games, now each scored two for Anaheim. Steve Gibbens leads the overall standings with 10 points. and David Cornfield added the other goals. THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 SPORTS 11 Basketball, Ohio style RALPH SPOLTORE rid the effects ofthe seven hour trip That night it also appeared that the bad guys. regular season begins on January Cord Sports with a loose shoot around. David the Hawks needed some time to The team has gained a great 14th, at home against Lakehead. The 1993-94 edition of the W.L.U. Bart was the only player missing wake up as they let a team from deal of needed game experience Look for the Cord's edition of pre- men's basketball team returned from this practise due to the fact Wilberforce, Ohio go on an 18-2 and a few extra pounds from all season rankings and player pro- Sunday night from Cedarville. Ohio that he and his father (Dr. John run mid-way through the first half that Southern hospitality, on their files in early January. Come sup- where they competed in the 16th Bart), were helping an identifica- to take control of the game. The trip to Ohio. The Hoop-Hawk port your Hoop-Hawks in 1994. Annual Cedarville College tion-less reporter sneak over the most noted play in the game came Invitational Tournament. It was an border. Once again, thanks. with less than ten minutes to play. entertaining weekend which The Hawks were treated to Wilberforce forward Clifford showed a great deal of promise for another practise early Friday morn- Brown made a play that will be our guys, who played against some ing to prepare for their game that talked about throughout ofthe best NAIA teams from Ohio night. The team looked fairly tired schoolyards in Ohio(and probably and Indiana. at this workout but the early hours many other states and countries) Most of the Hawks arrived at and long drive the night before for many years to come. Brown the gym on Thursday night, where were very solid reasons for their grabbed the ball at the top of the they were given the opportunity to sluggishness. key and leaped over a Hawk point guard, who will remain nameless, for one of the meanest, loudest, referees say: one-handed dunks in basketball NHL history. Unfortunately Golden Hawk David Bart had to leave the Mo' Money! game on the same play to remove the basketball from his mouth. Continued from page 10 calls. Screaming in one's ear will Wilberforce wound up win- NHL will have shown that its full- tend to help them make the right ning the game 96-69 despite great time officials are no better quali- decision. efforts from fourth year forward fied than a hunch of plumbers and Unless the league fails to Shawn Roach (20 points, 16 re- produce managers who once offi- come up with enough competent bounds, and 3 assists), and second ciated their kids' little league replacements, they are capable of year center Jay Spencer (18 points games. This would be a victory for digging in and waiting for the and 4 rebounds). the league? Not in the eyes of NHLOA's strike fund to run out. The Hawks eventually met a hockey fans. For every game that Let's hope that doesn't happen. team from Graceland, Indiana (no is run smoothly by two corrections The last time 1 checked, the NHL relation to the one in Tenncsce) in officers and a sales representative, was the only pro league whose the Bronze Medal game. The the NHLwill look worse and worse. players carry weapons and wear Hawks played very tough against The NHLOA strike could be razor blades on their feet. NHL this team and only trailed by three over by the time you are reading refs have a hell ofa tough job to do, at the half. However, the Hoop- this article, or it could last for quite and they've been underpaid for so Hawks' bubble burst when a long time. With the system the long, a little generosity from the Graceland's John Hawkins hit a league has devised, the league su- owners wouldn't hurt. Suck it up, three-pointer to stretch their lead pervisors will ensure that the scab Gary, and let the real refs get back to 6 with only two minutes to play. refs make a minimal amount of bad to work. The final score wound up 94-84 for Funny, the ball doesn't look like it is in his mouth! File pic SCOREBOARD
OUAA Hockey Far West OWIAA BASKETBALL - WEST DIVISION Team GP W L T Pts Team GP W L Pts
WESTERN Mustangs 9 8 0 1 17 WATERLOO Athenas 1 1 0 2 LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS 8 7 1 0 14 WINDSOR Lancers 110 2 WATERLOO Warriors 9 3 4 2 8 LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS 2 0 2 0 WINDSOR Lancers 8 3 4 17
CIAU Hockey Top Ten OUAA Volleyball West Division
!. Acadia Axemen Team MP MW ML Pts 2. Lethbridge Pronghorns 3. WESTERN MUSTANGS MCMASTER Marauders 5 5 0 10 4. Calgary Dinosaurs WESTERN Mustangs 5 4 18 5. St, Francis Xavier X-men WATERLOO Warriors 4 3 16 6. UQTR PATRIOTES BROCK Badgers 5 2 3 4 7. Dalhousie Tigers GUELPH Gryphons 4 1 3 2 8. OTTAWA GEE GEES LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS 5 14 2 9. Alberta Golden Bears WINDSOR Lancers 4 0 4 0 10. GUELPH GRYPHONS OWIAA ATHLETE OF THE WEEK Name: JENNIFER VILLENEUVE OWIAA Volleyball West Division Team: OTTAWA UNIVERSITY Volleyball Teom MP MW ML Pts Achievement: 33 kills, 5 blocks, 47 aigs in three games on the weekend WESTERN Mustangs 5 5 0 10 WINDSOR Lancers 6 5 LAKEHEAD Nor' westers 4 3 1 6 BROCK Baagers 5 3 2 6 OUAA ATHLETE OF THE WEEK GUELPH Gryphons 5 2 3 4 MCMASTER Marauders 7 2 5 4 Name: JEFF WILSON WATERLOO Athenas 5 1 4 2 Team: GUELPH GRYPHONS Hockey LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS 5 0 5 0 Achievement: Stooped 51 of 55 shots faced 12 ARTS THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993
To Jane. "The Invitation
'Radiant Sister of the day, Awake, arise and come away To tfie wildwoods and tfie plains .Andthe pools where winter-rains Image aCCtheir roof of Ceaves, M'here the pine its garland weaves Of saj)Cess green and ivy dun Hound stems that never kiss the Sun- Where the lawns and pastures he And the sandhills of the sea- ~Where the melting hoar-frost wets 'The daisy-star that never sets, Andw indfCowers, and vioCets 'Which yet join not scent to hue Crown thepaCe year weak and new, "When the night is Ceft behind In the deep east dun andhCind And the bCue noon is over us, And the muCtitudinous :BiCCows murmur at our feet Where the earth and ocean meet, And aCC th ings seem onCy one In the unvversaCSun - She CCey. 1824 ARTS I stiCCCove you. FISHER SHEFFIELD'S EPILOGUE by Terry Grogan
PART TEN: Hey! Are you going to be OK?" nostril, and a feline skull and Myra's too tall." doing...ifI can justget her atten- "I feel a whole lot better, now forehead, with high, Nordic Joyce just crinkled up her tion first, and get her to come "FISHER that I have that scene with Keith cheekbones. Her long platinum nose in distaste. Then she said: walking over to me." SHEFFIELD'S MUSE" Richards out of my head..." I sang blonde hair was swirled around "Well, all right." Myra: "OK, OK, OK, dreamily, "But I just wish Sarah her head like cotton candy, styled 1 took my gun out of the OK?...Why would you want to Joyce: "What arc we look- wasn't here, and looking hotter messy and "big"! Her short fin- holster underneath my tuxedo do that?" ing at?" than ever before..." gernails Weft done up in clear jacket, and handed it to Myra. "You see," I began, stretch- s * "Lookat/ier! It'sonlybeen I could smell thecoconut but- nailpolish. { | \ "Babe, put another bullet in this, ing my arms over my head, back nine months, but she's got bags ter as Myra cradled me in her She. was wearing a bright led would you? It's empty." to touch the top of my spine, under her eyes, and she's gained arms, hunkered down on the floor sleeveless sundress, black tights, As Myra reloaded my gun, "My life is a synthesis of popular at least seventy-five pounds! beside me...so 1 turned to my girl- and a pair of black leather cow- the three of us looked around the culture — I feel that everything She looks old, and worn out!" I friend, and kissed her cheek gen- boy boots. At the moment, she room, bored. As Joyce sat down you see around you is just a TV yelled gleefully. "Boy, am 1 glad tly. Then I turned back towards was speaking with Senator Barry on the floor as well, crossing her show, that I have no real con- I'm no longer with her! She's the dance floor, and looked over Goldwater. legs like an Indian in a teepee, nection to the world surround- repulsive*." at Sarah Rostenkowski, through 112 '"She used to have a flat chest Myra reached into my jacket, ing me...lt's as if my adven- Joyce and Myra simultane- Joyce's field of A-frame killer and human-sized lips," 1 com- and stuffed the revolver back tures, revealing the folly or vic- ously cocked their eyebrows at legs standing directly in front of mented to Myra, wiping the sweat underneath my left shoulder. es of other, ostensibly more re- one another. us. out of my eyes, ''She must have Then Myra handed me her gun spectable characters, are actu- "OK, OK, OK, OK?...Are Sarah Rostenkowski was5'6" got implants," I said, nodding in as well, waving off Joyce before ally written in code...and to crack you saying that you'd have still tall, but also built like a beach her direction, "Also, she was a Joyce could reach up her skirt that code, I have to travel to the wanted her back, if she was as volleyball player. She had thin brunette back in Chicago." J and pull out her Lady Magnum. heart of the American dream: I beautiful as yesterday?" legs, but that was not because she Myra brushed the hair away Rebuffed, Joyce shifted awk- have to go to Sarah." "What? Good God, no!...at smoked dope or made herself sick. from her face: "OK, OK, OK, wardly on the floor, looking casu- "But what makes Sarah least, 1 don't think so..." I Her body was covered with 0K?... Was she always that thin?! ally at Myra. After a pause, the Rostenkowski so significant, danced a little victory jig, "But bruises, and pale little white scars •. "Yeah," I admitted. And three of us, best friends, just si- Daddy?" let me tell you, there's nothing that looked like train tracks. On then: "Joyce: take down a note: multaneously smiled at one an- "I don't know...Do you un- in the world like seeing an ex- her right ankle was the tattoo of a we need to procure some silicon, other, killing time with a pleas- derstand anything of chaos girlfriend who's gone to fat!" dandelion. She had the chest of a collagen, and peroxide before we ant gesture. theory? ...It's a new branch of I was hopping up and down Swedish milk maid. She had per- head back up to Canada." "Wanna go dig up dead bod- mathematics, hard to explain, around the table, spinning, fectly glowing milk white skin, "Daddy? What for?" ies?" Joyce yawned. but basically the idea behind it is twisting, cupping my groin, and and bright, baby blue eyes, under- "How else are you guys go- "Uh...0K," I agreed to that, the most complex patterns moonwalking, when Joyce sud- neath dark eyebrows arched like ing to be able to doppelgang for Joyce's sudden suggestion. of growth and decay can be ex- denly exclaimed: "Hey! Isn't boomerangs. Beside her left eye- her? I'd say some adjustments But Myra just latched on plained by simple that Sarah? I think the pudgy- brow, she had a small mole that arc in order, seeing as how we tighter to my arm, to prevent me equations..lmagine the DNA chick she's talking to is looked like a splatter of mud. She now have evidence of a new con- from jumping up and leaving the pattern for a man being pro- Rebecca her had the barest hint of a double a Rostenkowski, & Tennessee Ball: she linear equation...l figuration!" m A was always grammed by older sister." chin, but a smile like a piranha, "I lev! I don'tknow if Ican fit the coolest head of the group, not feel like that sometimes, that And then I slid off the ta- composed of hundreds of little into that big-titted, fat-lipped, flighty, down to earth. there's a formula for my life —
- ble, and crashed down face- white teeth, and big fat Cupid- blonde-haired matrix all that eas- After Joyce and 1 had smoked dy + 3x 2 — that charts my first to the floor. bow lips. Around her mouth, she ily. What about Myra instead?" an entire package of cigarettes, I entire destiny." had frosted pink lip gloss kool- "Oh, come on...Think about stood up, shrugged, and said: I was still mildly twitching aid stains. She had a snub-nose, it: Silicon. Collagen. Peroxide. "Well, I guess I'll go say some- when Joyce asked me: "Fisher? with a silver ring piercing her left A whole new you...besides, thing to Sarah, see how she's 13 THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 ARTS
ODDS
LIPLESS AND ENERGETIC, ir STRIDES BESIDE ME. PULLS ME ON.
SOMETIMES I CAN FILL IT WITH BLIND APPEASEMENT. IT RUBS A WARM PAW ALONG MY BLOOD, MY EROTICISM. THE DANCER OF A CHILD BEING GIVEN THE PROPER NEUROTIC SWEETS.
BUT TO CROSS ITS INTELLECT. TO DIG A GRAVE FOR ITS SPIRIT. IT SCREAMS RAZOR BLADE BOOMERANGS THROUGH MY INFINITY. DROPS A COLD BOMB ON MY TENDON. MY JOYOUS BLOOD GURGLES THROUGH THE CRACKS IN MY WOOD, I leaves me Absolute zero, j FROZEN FROM MY LOCOMOTION. /
THE LEAFY SOUL UNDERGROWTH OF MY BODY / CONTRADICTS THE POSSIBILITY OF IMPORTANCE. / I MY BEAST WILL HOWL SAVAGERY, , EYES STEEP, J DEEP WITH RUSTY BLOW GUN CLAWS. I11| lashing down the INTANGIBLE. A SINEWY ineffable whip. AN ENTITY COULD NOT COMPETE, H11 IT WILL RESTORE THE CRACK THE SLASH. V X WATCH THE ACCOUNTS SLtP INTO A DARKER SCIENCE.
And after, t WILL FEEL THE FANGS. TO LIE IN MY DENTED WEAK HAPPINESS, THE ACID STONE SLING LAPS AWAY THE COMPLEXITIES. i WILL REBUILD. MY ANIMAL, DISTANCING WITH PRIMITIVE ACCURACY. REEKING OF ZULU, WILL ONCE AGAIN LEAP AND LAP, WITH ITS ENDLESS LUST FOR LOVE, ITS CACKLING IRON TONGUE TOYS WITH MY CONCEPT, f KICKS AND CACKLES MY COMPREHENSION. Ji AND. FINALLY. HEATS ME INTO UNDERSTANDING. AND MOTION.
PETE ARBOUR fjT
I'm akin to a monkey in a cage, except mu jailor isn't human, its my own mind. SILENT NIGHT Sean Wilde t THE SNOW DRIFTS SILENTLY ACROSS THE DESERTED STREET HERE LAYS A HEAD, HERE LAYS AN ARM, HERE LAYS THE BOOTS WITH THE DEAD GENERAL'S FEET.
THE BATTLE WAS OVER, THE WAR HAD BEGUN THE MOTHER SAID TO HER CHILD; "TAKE MY HAND AND LET'S HA VE SOME FUN."
INTO THE JA WS OF HELL THEY SLIPPED DEEPER AND DEEPER. THREE ON THE STREET, MOTHER, SON, AND THE GRIM REAPER.
BY: ANDREAS M. ROTHS Entertainment The Waltom light up the Turret
SCOTT then got into a discussion on the power of Yogie McCORMICK Flying and whether or not it worked and I was told Cord Entertainment by Jason and bass guitarist, Keith Nakonechny, Dig ifyou wili the picturc that "if you take enough drugs anything is possi- the long, loud line-up fo ble/' Jason went onto tell me how if he had one the Turret on a Thursda wish, it would be to fly through the heavens night, a scene which we cai unencumbered by wings, I'm not sure but I thing ail relate to. But wait! In he dreamed of doing this naked. stead of suffering the indig As the interview went on the band relaxed and nity of waitingin a smelly stair offered me a cold beer and a smoke, both of which well for 4 hours of Bee-boppin 1 accepted because I liked the idea of just chilling bullshit you suddenly discovertha with the band and looking cool. When asked what there is actually a band playing to inspired them to pursue a life of music they said WT night. But wait it gets better. Th that 54-40and Grapes ofWrafh were great musical f band is a good one, a band that you'v*, inspirations to them along with The Tragically heard of. a band that didn't get itsrecord Hip. while interestingly enough Jean Luke Picard, label atabooth in NiagaraFalls! The band from Star Trek, was their moral inspiration. After was The Walton*. the interview we moved up to the Turret and at OK. check this out. It's eight-o'clock 11:()() the show got started. on Thursday night and I'm sitting down in the The band really gave the capacity crowd an A- T.V. lounge in the Students' Union trying to -1 show, playing songs about their love for their come up with some intelligent questions to ask homeland, hatred of waste and naivete of the Real this band when my 10:00 interview came along. World where thealmighty dollar makes you, breaks The Waitons being the first band I've ever inter- you and tears the innocent apart. For much ofthe viewed. I was a little nervous so I thought I'd go show The Waltons had the crowd dancing, and I watch the Simpsons and relax. It was about half- noticed that the atmosphere of the bar had been way through the show when i realised that the band transformed from a tcchno-heJI to a relaxed groove was sitting all around me watching and laughing as palace where one could dance withoutresembling Homer throttled the shit out of Flanders. Suddenly something off of the Eicctric Circus. I think my i felt totally relaxed. The guys I was sitting with, favourite part of the show was when,at the end, the who joined me in making obscene comments about band finished with a rockin" combination of Bon Marge's hair, were down-to-earth cool. At ten- Jovi and the Greece soundtrack. Rock-on Waltons o'clock I arrived at their dressing room and began and Lik my Tractor! what proved to be the best (and only) interview of The Waltons were the first decent live band my life. I've seen in the Turret and it was great to have a The first thing I asked was if they werereally from break from the usual Thursday night scene. And Saskatchewan because I found out earlier that day, who do we have to thank for this groovy gig? Why from a reliable source, that they were all from the nonc-other-than the Board of Student Activities. Hamilton-Toronto area. "Yea, we're all from The B.S.A. worked hard to ensure that the night Saskatchewan", lied lead localsJasonPlumb. Why went over wei I and the band told me that they really the hell would anyone claim to be from agricul- made their stay here at W.L.U. a comfortable one. tural hell who wasn't? Beats me. Anyway, we Once again, good work 8.5.A.! Can Jodie Foster sing like Garth?
discs. His fear is that when people guess that means", he says "Ford Two old ladies murder a bunch of Roger and Me (1989) - One man's RONNY WATT get sick of hearing him, they trade can't sell to dealerships with a used old guys search for greatness
Cord Entertainment his tired old voice into these shops car area. And bookstores, antique The Fortune (1975) - Two losers Despite the short (and some- Profound Revelation: Some- where other music fans can main- shops and the Goodwill will all fight to see who can kill a wealthy what obvious) descriptions, trust where out there is an insignificant tain their budgets by purchasing have to close down too." Mr. widow first me on these movies. You'll be glad speck of nothing yearning to one them at a discount price. Brooks, Meacher is considering an ad cam- The Life of Brian (1979) - Poor you did. No thanks necessary. day become a piece of shit. Every- raking in millions from the original paign offering half price used CDs fool spends his life being mistaken Astute Observation: Has anyone day is relative. sales, is pissed off that he can't with the purchase of every new for that Jesus guy ever actually seen Jody Foster and
Crying In His Imported Beer: profit from those same CDs the Brooks album. Good ideas, Dave, After Hours (1983) - Guy lives a that guy from Slik Toxic standing He'scleanshaven. He'spolite. He's second time around. Those of us and good luck. nightmarish night just trying to go together? I didn't think so. Their soft spoken and he probably helps who buy used CDs (so we can Funniest Films "Out There": If home resemblance to each other is far too old ladies across the road. He's squanderoursavingson such trivial your tired of being disappointed The King of Comedy (1983) - uncanny to go unnoticed. Jody is Garth Brooks. He's extremely rich purchases as bread and milk) are with the comedies you bring home Man stops at nothing to get on TV, obviously that guy dressed up. First now and fast becoming a petty, seriously threatening Garth's fi- from the video store, here's some including kidnapping they conspired to have Mark whining spokesman for the unfor- nancial livelihood, and he's out to "can't miss" films well worth see- The Gods Must Be Crazy (1984) Chapman kill Lennon, now they're tunately well-to-do. Now that he's stop us. So far, the record compa- ing. Being the final authority on - Bushmen discover the "luxuries" infiltrating the music scene. Play reached the top, and selling more nies have curiously failed to abide such stuff, 1 highly recommend the of the civilized world Toxic backwards and you can ten top records than anyone else...he by his request. following (in order of release): This Is Spinal Tap (1984) - Docu- clearly hear the phrases "study al- wants more. Dave Macher, of G&D Dis- Reefer Madness (1936) - All mentary on the long history of this ways" and "beer is bad". Don't get Brooks is calling for all record count CDs on Hespeler Road in American type kids go psycho legendary heavy metal band brainwashed, and remember "com- companies to refuse to sell CDs to Cambridge, laughed when he heard whenever they have a puff A Fish Called Wanda (1988) - An plete paranoia equals perfect businesses thatretail used compact of Brooks' ridiculous demands: "I Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) - anything-but-typical heist film awareness". ""gs-ir-- uom JMH&IX Igß3 p.m. until 6 p.m. Mondays to Fridays! 11 a.m. until 4 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays! ■VLL II Quesadilla 2.49 Potato Skins 2.99 ww With chicken or beef add 2.00
coupon. ______Garlic 1.49 Pizza Fingers 2.99 Dlllf HHi IlPliSsft(l With cheese add 0.50 | DUy line DiMl vll | EJnjchetta 2.49 Zucchini Sticks 1.99 l 1 Get one Brunch I I Calamari 2.99 breaded Mushrooms 1.99 j ' ■■■ ' Nachos & Cheese 2.99 Escargot 2.99
Jfj 1 Mozzarella Sticks 1.99 Shrimp 2.99 Expires: November 28, 1993 | j V
A <2. iii, ll_ HL 112 1
1 ||C- s^-WV1 V £><&?■ %<£■ Christmas \ Z5 foV i \ Children Children's Days i . <5 \J December 9, 10, 11 \J %at Purple Gold our special Children's Christmas Share Celebration! I \ "NWr Treat your children to a big helping of festive fun! Ml / >(\ Treat yourself to great savings!! c ffV~^
* Free Purple & Gold candystick to children under 12 1 > V * A visit from Santa and his very special Golden Hawk helper Vy'" Dec. 9 and 10 - 3 tp 9 p.m., Dec. 11-10 a.m. to 5 p.m. * 20% off all Kiddies and Youths garments (size 6Mth - 14Yr) rp * { 20% off regular price on all children's books V|Vy m>>> L*~s ( fU * A free WLU pen, Christmas pin and gift and enclosure card A M> [ n J\ lUf™ I with all purchases of children's wear 112 A / !_ —//Ji And:
* A chance to win great prizes in our Colour the Hawk Contest! Like giant plush Hawks, WLU sweats, T's, pencils and pencil cases. Corner of King and University Contest at 2-247 Kin ? stree!^^ a Ontario Pick up your Entry Form and details K o i®S' % Purple & Gold or WLU Bookstore FaxtsKs 9V23 or look for it in the Dec. 2nd issue of the Cord spt#1 16 ENTERTAINMENT THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 Bob's Yer Uncle: Deal with it! SELENE MacLEOD pers), Adam Thompson (lead gui- "Sole", offering a straightforward come forward Cord Entertainment tar) , Irvine Russell (rhythm guitar; hard guitarsound. Now,onemight and make Friday, Nov. 5 at the Volcano was "Fle's nuts!"), and Rob Hancock be tempted to call this a grunge themselves an evening which really made me (drums—who still owes me an au- band, but clear vocals and semi- visible. The miss days spent hanging around tograph) more than made up for in psychedeiic passages kill any band was local bands. Too cool for words... personality, humour, and energy. genre-lumping. How about Nir- great musical- Theopeningband,The Mighty They started with a stupid joke vana crossed with Frank Sinatra? ly, but the real Fishermen (from Cambridge, Ont.), ("What do the P.C.s and a Corvette With songs like the absurd "Nine" strength was was hardly a group of virtuosi, but have in common?"), and this sense (a "Detachable Pcnis"-type of spo- in the power- then, neither are a lot of bands, of insane fun carried through the ken shoutfest), "Plate O' Nachos" ful vocals nght? What they lacked in talent, entire set. and even offstage. The and "Melodramatic", it's hard to from all three Ron Sheppard (vocals), Neil band played selections from their takethese guys seriously. Between vocalists. As McDonald (bass and bear-feet slip- two demos, "Olive Loaf" and songs, they seemed a little lost, well, they of- experiencing technical difficulties fered a scries and fooling around ("Do you guys of bizarre What's like Gordon Lightfoot?"). They stage antics, improved, though, with a feedback including the freakout during their finale...and use of toys, Happening? Irvine ripped out his pickups. Wild. masks, a soap- They're planning to make a video box... Lyrical- Victor Borge is at the Centre in the Square tonight at 8:00 in April, so watch for them. ly, too, this Quiverleg and Dr. Wiggly quiver at the Volcano tonight I've been hearing about Bob's sense of U of W drama department presents Twelfth Night Your Uncle for three or four years, whimsy car- at the Theatre of the Arts at Waterloo tonight till the 27 now, but 1 never knew they were so ried through Drawings and paintings by Maria Gabankova are on display good. I'm awe-struck. From Van- the entire set at the Robert Langen Gallery at WLU until Dec 11 couver, the band could be best de- ("I'd like to Bourbon Tabernacle Choir and Fat Cats scribed as alternative, because that take you out to are at the Volcano Nov 26 is the only genre that encompasses lunch, but Acclaimed Canadian Opera singers Irena Baerg and as many styles as this incompara- you're al- Theodore Baerg sing with the K-W Symphony Nov 26 & 27 ble band. Featuring James Junger ready there"). The Schneider Haus Butchering Bee is at the on guitars and vocals, Bernie The best mo- Joseph Schneider Haus Musucm in Kitchener Nov 27 Radelfinger on bass and vocals, ments, as usu- The Jeff Healey Band and The Tom Barlow Band drummer John Rule,and Sook-Yin al, came dur- play Lulu's Nov 27 Lee (vocals "and stuff"—ie, rhythm ing the finale, Kitchener-Waterloo Community Orchestra perform a guitar, toy instruments, dolls, and when Lee in- Musical Pot-Pourri at the Waterloo many other effects; just what was vited mem- Community Arts Centre Nov 27 that pipe-thing?), Bob's Your Un- bers of the au- Patty Larkin sings at Phil's Nov 28 at 7:30 cle was playing their third show in dience on- The KW Symphony Youth Orchestra presents their twenty-four hours. stage to sing. Christmas Festival at Centre In The Square Nov 28 And what ashow...They played An inebriated Moxy Fruvous do their thing at UW Humanties Theatre Nov 30 two sets of around an hour each, fellow who The Tea Party rock the Turret Nov 30 consisting of music from their lat- had been in Bob's now yer aunt. Pic: Selene MacLeod Blue Rodeo re-surface, appearing at est release, Cages, as well as earli- front leaped on-stage ("I can sing around for the audience to join in UW Humanities Theatre Dec 3 er efforts. The audience was small like that, but I won't"), as did Neil the performance. Not knowing the Saga are back and at Lulu's Dec 3 and seemed a little aloof; in fact, and Irvine from the Mighty Fisher- words was tough.but a rollicking Fatcats and guests play the Volcano Dec 3 the band had to invite everyone to men. Then,they turned the mikes good time was had by all.
Ergo By C. Walsh
Screw Good For You!
If Corsages & Boutonniers |112 §LIOil If U • £' 0 Graduation Gifts Balloons II w . y -■-•-«?• jFlower Bouquets for your Hosts Q f™ |j H tastes really If. 1 V has more - | _ valid For 1 person sugar per "5* J® I Must Present coupon* p j e than * & f ce w "jff i K. si an entire ■L\a . 1 ° 1 a s;a,e 1 1 " i $4 J bunny - 95- ~ 112f BWI - J Gom • Hr ?.-1 I •Caesar Salad Fettucin I Alfredo w m M% a, . ■ • Pop or Coffee or Tea -- Gorllc Bread | g YOUT taste budS Will IOVe yOU •w ''ctf// 1 180 COLUMBIA ST. W. WATERLOO ■ Your teeth will never forgive you. THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 ENTERTAINMENT 17 More Head DAVE SCOTT Cord Entertainment It's been fourteen years since the demise of the Sex Pistols, but the tortured angst of Sid Viscous lives with The Headstones. Or rather, with Hugh Dillion of The Head- stones. Dillion prowled the stage like a mad dog, giving a driving, engaging performance that was fu 11 ofemotion. The recent gigat Phil's gave Waterloo its first look at this intense band. The Headstones' music is a curious mix of punk and classic rock influences. This spawns a sound and performance which is highly original. Imagine Sid Vis- cous fronting Rush and we start getting close to the Headstones on stage. But what of the lyrical content of the songs? Well, Dillon's lyrics deal with a wide range of issues from alienation and loneliness in "Heart of Darkness" to "Ceme- tary", which has been described as "the response to a million inane lovesongs." Bass player Tim White notes, "Life is full of irony, and Hugh tries to reflect that kind of reality in his writing. Not being cliched or promising stuff. Just talk- ing about the good days and bad days. 1 can't dispute any of the lyrics. They're not bullshit lyrics." This band is well worth check- ing out live. The performance is professional and animated, and an object lesson on how to smoke, drink and play at the same time. Digging up itie dead at Phil's. P'c- ave Not your ordinary X-mas carols
JOHN McKENZIE closed my eyes, and it was as if I Before Christmas will now be Since I have had this sound- one who saw and loved the movie. Cord Entertainment was quickly returned to the theatre added to a long list of successes track, I have listened to it almost If you have not seen the movie, you I was recently fortunate enough to for a second showing, and then a including Batman and Batman every other night while going to may still enjoy the soundtrack but see Tim Burton's Nightmare Be- third, and a fourth and fifth. The Returns, Beetlejuice, Edward sleep. It has made it so that I now it just won't warp your mind as it fore Christmas, and I'll tell you, I music was such an integral part of Scissorhands, Pee Wee's Big dream in stop-motion, and wake has mine, because now even I be- loved it (no bias in this review). the movie that each time you hear Adventure (a personal favourite up singing the tunes from the movie. lieve that I AM THE PUMPKIN The story line was unique and un- the songs you can picture exactly of mine), Dick Tracy, Midnight I recommend the soundtrack to any- KING! predictable and the stop-motion what was happening in the movie. Run, Sommersby, Darkman, and animation was fantastic, but what They say that a book is better than Scrooged. really stuck with me was the music. a movie because it leaves more to But what about the actual mu- 'Stuffing 1 left singing all the songs I could the imagination, but I say that this sic? The soundtrack has 20 tracks, Modern Idiot the remember, annoyingall my friends soundtrack has teased my brain as 10 of which are original songs by TANYA KING Francisco, California. "Your Big and family who had not seen the well as any book ever could. Mr. Elfman. My personal favour- Cord Entertainment Assed Mother" and "A Great movie. So when 1 was given the The man behind the music is ite is "Kidnap the Sandy Claus", "I have seen everything in this light Drinker" portray anger at family opportunity to review the sound- Danny Elfman, yeah, the guy from which features the singing of before, change every lightbulb in and self. "Hot Love Now" and track, I jumped at the chance to Oingo Boingo. But even with his Danny, Catherine O'Hara, and Pee the house", states the opening song "Cabin Fever" are by far the best learn the rest of the words to the roots in thisoff-centre rock, Danny Wee Herman himself (Paul "Change Every Lightbulb" on the songs on the album. They seem to songs which were swim has been able to launch Reubens). This particular song Wonder Stuff's newest album Con- change their tone from verse to ming around my head. himselftotheeliteot describes exactly what the three struction For The chorus, keeping you I put the CD in the film composers. little devil children plan to do with Modern Idiot. The listening for more; and machine, hit play, The Nightmare Santa Claus; bury him for9oyears, statement is not to be the instrumentation is blow him up to smithereens, tie taken lightly. The marvellous. him in a bag, beat him with a stick, Wonder Stuff has Construction For chop him into bits, and lock him in suddenly found them- The Modern Idiot is a cage. I believe that this delight- selves at odds with a critical look at soci- fully evil little jingle appeals to the the world and it is ety and the world sadist within all of us (but please apparent in each new around us. Miles Hunt don't let my little sister hear it). song. does not like what he That same devilish undertone The Wonder sees. According to the which sparks the little demons Stuff consists of press release, the re- within us is what brings all the Miles Hunt (voice, cent deaths of his fa- songs together within the actual guitar, harmonica), ther-in-law, and origi- movie. Male Treece (guitar, nal Wonder Stuff The final and most intriguing voice), Martin Bell (fiddle, accor- member, Rob "Bass Thing" Jones, point ofthe soundtrack will appeal dion, mandolin, guitar, sitar, key- will only add to his frustration. to anyone who lived in residence in boards), Paul Clifford (bass gui- Fans ofThe Wonder Stuffwill first year and never missed the tar), and Martin Gilks (percussion). find this, their fourth album fol- evening viewing of Star Trek, Miles Hunt writes all the band's lowing The Eight-Legged Groove because both theopeningandclos- material, and his emotions are car- Machine, Hup, and Never Loved ing narrations are given by none ried over in the music beautifully. Elvis, new and exciting. There is otherthan Captain Jean-Luc Picard. "I Wish Them All Dead" is a new added instrumentation, seri- Listening to his voice has even powerful, angry song written to ous subject material, and carefully enticed me to go looking for one of The Man Boy Love Association, carried out recording. Definitely those books on tape in which he and organised ring of adult males positive signs of growing artists. narrates. involved in child sex abuse in San Get this one! 18 ENTERTAINMENT THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993
Dear Scratched Up, The Dynamic Duo Has she ever thought about surgical gloves? Or by Tanya Ventura perhaps, tying her up. Handcuffing her to the bed Maximum Fun and Melanie Seal instantly solves your problem. Just don't forget to I ran the game on a 486/25 take them off before you drift off to sleep, though a with 2 meg of VRAM. Naturally Dear Dynamic Duo, little antiseptic will clean those rope burns and skin the game runs smooth. My friend I have a problem. There is this girl who I like. rashes right up. Meanwhile, wear a condom, make ran the game on a 386/25 with We started talking on the phone and all, but then I sure her nails are clean, and you'll be fine. VIDEO 512 Kb of VRAM and it still shaved my head. Just as things were going good, she Dynamic Duo roundup performs moderately well. Natu- doesn't talk to me anymore. What can I do to get her Dear Dynamic Duo, SCOTT McKAY rally the refresh rate on the screen to talk to me? I have a fetish I am worried about. 1 love the Cord Entertainment is reduced, but it did not stop him Signed, noises a woman makes when she is sucking back a Ever have an urge to fly a from becoming totally immersed Smooth Head drink. It can be coke, beer, or even a juice box, just Commanche helicopter, loaded and heavily addicted to the ac- Dear Smooth Head, as long as 1 hear that slurping sound. Is this normal? the up with numerous hard hitting tion packed game. Perhaps the baldness is not problem. Al- Signed, weapons, through valleys, blast- The sound for the game is though, can you really blame her? There are plenty Slurpee Fan ing away any son-of-a-gun in another feature that puts this pro- of other women at Laurier who may find a bald man Dear Slurpee Fan, your way? Well, let me tell you gram in the top ranks. If a extremely attractive. Although we don't know any Who are we to judge? Everyone has something Maximum Overkill is exactly Soundßlaster is used digitized of them, it's like that old proverb..."Think of the that turns them on. It's obvious you've been heavily this. The missions are all ori- speech barks out warnings of in- biggest asshole you know, and somewhere out there, influenced by the use of straws early on in your someone if still move ented in wiping out some mili- coming rounds and other condi- there is in love with him." But you childhood. A good career would be a job at the with tary hardware such as other heli- tions affecting your chopper. The find yourself alone at nights, console yourself slurpee machine at the 7-11. There you may find copters or armoured missile greatest speech blurb occurs when the fact that it'll grow back. Until then just think of that special someone who enjoys a great slurp on alone. launchers. The settings are mainly you spin your helicopter and face all the money you'll save shampoo themselves. in desert-like areas with many an enemy: "GET THAT LASER -Dynamic Duo Dynamic Duo valleys; valleys which can be OUT OF MY FACE". Follow Dear Dyno Team, Dear Dynamic Duo, flown through twenty-five feet that up with a volley of 30 mm As a male, I of course always want to leave As my marks have been plumetting this term, I off the ground with nail biting cannon fire and it is sure to put a immediately after sex. Unfortunately, most women have found watching the purple dinosaur Barney on intensity. Corners come up with smile on anybody's face. have some innate desire to cuddle and lie together. television extremely therapeutic. I yearn for his excuses as little warning as the decision ar- As mentioned earlier the I have run out of to why 1 must leave right simplicity of life. He is even beginning to look kind me some new and - rives either to pull out or become game is not a pig. Only twelve away. Could you please give of attractive to me I believe that he is a really part of a Peruvian sand bank. meg is required on the hard drive, interesting lines? sensitive man trapped in a dinosaur's body. When The graphics are absolutely 4 meg of ram and a minimum Signed, he sings his theme song, "I love you, you love me..." Chauvinist amazing. It is like you are there. CPU of 386. Joysticks, rudder Proud Male it's like he's singing right to me. Do I need help; is Chauvinist, These graphics are better than control systems, sound boards and Dear this normal? a men face. is merely Strike Commander and the keyboard controls are supported. This is problem many It Signed, a of chromosome striking If you game sucks up about one third The game is highly recom- case they' again. Barney Lover leave a nice, bed, with the space on the hard drive. VGA mended. As well, other mission do feel the need to warm, cozy Dear Barney Lover, is the minimum requirement for disks are available. loving arms wrapped around you, you may want to No, it is not normal to love an eight foot purple hate those blood results are attractive, display and it does not seem to Maximum Overkill/ try this line. "1 to go, test dinosaur. Now that he's looking you do take advantage of super VGA Commanche is available for waiting." need professional help. Barney is merely some when given the opportunity. rent at Jumbo Software. The Dynamic Duo marketing genius' ploy to bilk parents out of their Three different levels of detail cost is only eight bucks for two Dear D.D., money for merchandise. Don't respect any man My enjoys her extremely on national television with no on. arc available. Unlikeothergames, days. Jumbo Software is lo- girlfriend digging that goes pants however, the reduction in detail cated down University Ave., long fingernails into my back and buttocks during Watch for the Dynamic Duo every week as they sex. Am 1 to diseases? of students. does not remove items from the behind Tim Hortons. Games prone any answer the sexual questions Laurier playing screen. It only reduces can be reserved by calling 747- From, If you have a problem regarding sex, drop off a ssssdfthe resolution of them. 1046. Scratched Up letter for the Dynamic Duo at the Centre Spot. THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 ENTERTAINMENT 19 Patty Larkin torun with Angels
DAViD POPOVICH Patty Larkin. This contemporary the compassionate vocals of Cord Entertainment folk artist from Boston has re- Larkin. Accompanied by the per- For all those admirers of contem- leased her latest work, Angels cussive sounds of her acoustic porary folk, or those who just like Running through BMG Music. guitar she journeys across a spec- a bit of variety in their lives you This release produces a trum of harmonies full of soulful should take a listen to the music of warmhearted sound accented by warmth and refined emotion. The songs themselves vary from a cor- dial folk style to those with a Canada'sUnknownVets flutter of country. out a few called Dear years ago Larkin, whose efforts to this America: Letters Home from point have rewarded her with nine Vietnam, on based the best sell- Boston Music Awards, considers ing book of same name. WAR the It songwriting as her"passion or frus- contains letters written by soldiers tration, depending on the week". in Vietnam sent home to families With an arduous concert schedule and friends. Both the book and of over 150 performances a year, STORY are movie excellent. JAYSON "RAMBO" she can also be heard singing Unknown Warriors is basi- GEROUX backup vocals with Mary-Chapin cally set up the same way, except Cord Entertaiment Carpenter on the title track of with a few added chapters place Many assume that the Viet- to Rosanne Cash's release, The the Vietnam war in a uniquely nam war was largely an American Wheel, and playing slide guitar Canadian The bulk conflict. And do you know what? perspective. and singing with Jonathan Edwards of the book deals with Canadian They're right. However, there on Cheryl Wheeler's forthcoming their were a lot of non-Americans who Vietnam veterans and expe- release. I think saying that this served with American men and riences in Vietnam (the author artist possesses endurance would interviewed communicated women in Vietnam. Thousands of and/or be an understatement! On top of in some shape, or form to Canadians joined the American way, this she's provided television ap- Canadian vets their friends military and fought in Vietnam and/or pearances on CNN, "Good Morn- during the time of the conflict. and families). ing America", and the Nashville Unknown Warriors: Canadians However, other chapters in- Network. a brief of the con- in the Vietnam War clude history Patty came from a musical flict, the official of the by Fred Gaffen, ed. policy family; her two grandmothers were Canadian during the Dundern Press government both musicians, one a church or- war, the effects of Agent Orange, 367 pages ganist and the other a social pian- ($19.95) post-traumatic stress disorder, ist. Larkin herself studied classi- porary essence of folk with a po- •'in a way people identify with." benefits, There is an excellent docu- veteran the relationship cal piano for a number of years. etic story telling quality she cre- Beginning as a songwriter and a Canadian Vietnam mentary-type movie that HBO put between vet- Initially considering her music as ates an impressive sounding re- poet she says what she is doing with the Royal Cana- erans groups a hobby she thought she would lease. Larkin explains that even now is the closest thing to what dian Canadians Legion, missing- pursue a career in teaching. How- though the stories aren't based she loves. I'm sure if you take the in-action, as well as letters written ever, in time her songwriting and upon her own personal experi- time to listen you'll definitely love home by Canadians killed-in-ac- poetic abilities succeeded in lead- ences, the songs "still come from what she's doing now. Canadians who were tion (a list of ing the way to her present voca- the heart." She believes her music Patty Larkin will make her included in an killed in Vietnam is tion. In a recent interview with has changed over time recalling concert debut in Waterloo on Sun- appendix). There is also quite an Larkin I asked her if there were that when she was a teenager her day November 28th at Phil's extensivebibliography to help with any influences for her songs. She songs reflected "middle of the road Grandson's Place. Tickets for the for research any further need ma- informed me her musical inspira- pseudo intense pubescent lyrics". show are $8 (in advance) and $10 on this terials topic. tions range anywhere from the Now, she explains her focus is that (at the door). They are on sale at book is good The reading, music of Joni Mitchell and Bonnie of a poet. With regards to her Phil's (220 King St. N.), Provi- never boring or dull, and provides Raitt to Jackson Browne and songwriting she says, "I'm not dent Bookstore (140 University an exclusive Canadian perspec- R.E.M. just saying 'O boy, do I miss you.'" Ave. W.) and at The Waterloo tive on a war that some think only Through blending the contem- Her current aim is to write songs Showtime Box Office (886-2375). effects the United States. Entering a new dimension of sound and vision with NASA. Twin RICHARD JOHN which claimed a huge dance floor sion to the drug Ecstasy. and watch as he masterfully twid- coming out"; and Aphex Cord Entertainment hit in 1992 with the Kate Bush After Moby left the stage, fans dledknobs on his home-made ana- merchandise: "I don't get much Do the names Aphex Twin, Moby, sampled 'Something Good'. had to turn 180 degrees to witness logue synths to mould and create money at all from the [turntable The shirts are handled Vapour Space or Orbital register The first of the four bands to the sensation of Orbital - who per- some of the most frightening, in- slipmats]. as recognizable names to you? stun the audience was newly- formed with illuminated headsets credible and ambient music ever by my girlfriend. There's only Well, if you've seen or heard of signed Plus 8 recording artist Va- in the middle of the club. Cur- made. Some of the tracks could about a hundred out there, the rest the "N.A.S.A.: See the lights '93" pour Space who wowed the audi- rently hailed as"thethinkingman's easily have found a home in some are fakes." He also mentioned all-star/ambient-rave currently ence not only with his dnalogue- dance band" and the "greatest thrash metal bar as the sounds and that he knew that he wouldn't become a household word until making the rounds at a night-club embellished - ambient-tracks, but trance act since sliced bread", the rhythms grated the senses and the dance world got over their near you, you know all about them. also with his location - a balcony Orbital demonstrated that these made you beg for more. For some The tour, underway until mid- to the right of the stage. His seam- claims held their substance. They the sensation was too much. A fascination with dulling 4/4 beats November, is the American se- less sensory stimulation lasted for marched through a selection of couple of people I was with had to and rhythms. Very true. It was well, quel to the Midi Circus Tour of the a half hour, at which point the ex- tracks from their albums (both go sit down to escape the bom- encouraging, as to see that he didn't any of the hostility UK earlier this year. That tour, punk band member Moby (or entitled Orbital) and singles. Stand bardment. This sensory assault carry headlined by Orbital, System 7, Richard Hall to his friends) took to outs included the didgeridoo en- came not only from the abrasive or anger found in his hour-long Aphex Twin and Drum Club, was the actual stage and proceeded to hanced "Walk n0w..." complete sounds created, but also from the set. He was smiling, signing auto- heralded by critics as the show us what a punk band doing with an incredibly infectious dance pulsating strobe lights and graphs (AFX, not Richard James Lollapalooza of the dance world. tcchnomightlooklike. Heclimbed groove, their 1992 hit single, flashpots behind Mr. James and as was expected) and more than So much so, that Midi Circus was speakers, threw instruments "Chime", their Meat Beat Mani- his best friend who danced happy to talk to people who knew almost called Technopalooza un- around, screamed a lot and gener- festo remix "Remind", the Opus maniacally beside him. This was who and what he was about. til Perry Farell declined permis- ally showed the audience that he 111 sample-ladened "Halcyon" and indisputably poetry in motion, NASA proved to be a sensory sion for the term. couldn't stand still for more than their latest chart topping single, most of it new material from his awakening. If you have a chance This current tour has been 10 seconds. He played a good "Lush 3-1". forthcoming Sire/Warner triple to see it come through your home- town designed to wow fans with images selection of hits - from the cur- After their 40 minute set, a album Collected Ambient Works do so. If not, Vapour Space's and sounds and to increase the rently charting "Move" to older young man walked onto the stage, Vol. 2, coming out in January. album is being released on Plus 8 overall familiarity of the bands to tracks like 1991's Twin Peaks in- sat behind a barrage of home- Afterwards, we talked to Mr. records out of Windsor/London, a wider audience. This was hand- flicted "Go" and the scorching made synthesizers and proceeded James about life on the road: "fun, Moby's Move ep' is on Mute/ somely achieved Friday night as "Thousand", a dance track that to show people why he has been having a good time with the other Elektra while his back catalogue
N.A.S.A. - which stands for Noc- starts at a moderate pace and dubbed the "Michael Jackson of acts, my friend however has to is on Instinct, Orbital's albums are turnal Audio and Sensory Awak- speeds up to over 1000 bpm. Not the dance world", "the next big been beaten because he's making on ffrr/Poly Gram and Aphex Twin too on and R&S. For a ening - stormed into Detroit's In- only is it very difficult to dance to, thing", and the "boy genius". far much money [selling is Warp/Sire dustry night-club in Pontiac, Ml. it's also in the Guinness Book of Richard D. James, better known shirts]"; upcoming projects: "more well rounded introduction to the a Doors opened at 8 pm and for the World Records as the fastest song as the Aphex Twin, Polygon Win- experimental on the new albums"; trance-techno world, good start first 2 1/2 hours, Detroit ravers ever released. He finished his half dow, AFX, Caustic Window and the presumed live album taped at might be the Artificial Intelli- were entertained by the excellent hour with the track "Next is the the Diceman stunned the audi- the June 9th Midi Circus show: "A gence sampler on Warp/Wax - available at all good dj-ing of DJ Tim - better known as E", which has caused some con- ence, many of whom were too buddy usually tapes them, then 1 Trax!/TVT half of the Utah Saints, the band troversy over its presumed allu- amazed to do anything but stand erase them, so no, there isn't one stockists. 20 ENTERTAINMENT THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1991
anticipation of the next dose. Satisfying our consumption needs was of little difficulty as subsequent tastes got no worse, annoying? chat Weird or BEER but oddly, gradually seemed to TOM DABEK and taste better as we got deeper into EVAN BAILEY our research. One problem that Cord Entertainment we found with the beer is that it to mellow out with or relax to. Some of the songs, I This week Beer Chat ventures into had a bloating effect on our stom- STEFANIE TRUDEAU will admit, are not bad after they grow on you. My Cord Entertainment Labatt's wild kingdom to cage a achs. Although Labatt is not di- personal favourites of this album are "Summerhead" case of their Wildcat discount rectly responsible for this occur- Before reviewing their newly released cassette tape, and "Evangeline". The sounds of these songs are Cafe, never the brew. Twenty-four of these ani- rence, the pleasant taste and all Four Calander I had heard of soothing both instrumentally and vocally. reason, mals cost a mere $23.70 while a around drinkability of the beer Cocteau Twins. For this I decidcd to hear I honestly don't know who I would recommend never twelve pack is exactly half that lead us to inhale large quantities what they sounded like. I figure if you've this tape to. You'll either find it very interesting and price. Sorry, no volume discounts of the holy-water-like juice in a heard of a band that you are doing a critique on, you relaxing, or really weird and annoying. As it stands for budget conscious consumers. short span of time. Shortly after will be able to listen to them quite objectively. I also now. I'd say Fm between the two extremes. I'd have the cover It appears that Labatt recruit- the box had been emptied of bot- liked way the cassette looked, but you to listen to the album a few more times to be sure. can ed from the school of starving tles, however, this side effect was know the old saying, "looks be deceiving"... are a Scottish band artists for the graphic design. The subdued and we were able to con- Anyway, the Cocteau Twins formed in case, the label and the cap look to tinue with our evening of fun and that has been around for a while. They of Fraser, be produced from the same mould excitement. 1982 and have almost always consisted Liz Robin Guthrie, and Simon Raymonde. OtherCocteau ofsorts, all possessing a 'wildcat' After prowling around the strolling leisurely across arctic- various hot spots of Waterloo we Twins LP's include Head Over Heels released in 1983, 1984, or Vegas like tundra. It's nothing special decided to return to our lair for a Treasure in and Heaven Las Still, none names a bell, but ! but it does the job. cat nap. Overall, the next day in 1990. of these ring covers The caps can be removed with wasn't too bad, largely because would be interested in seeing what the album little effort to release an aroma most of it wasspentsleeping. Even look like. of this is extremely difficult 0f... beer, our only weakness, our after rolling out of bed everything The sound band to in came with Achilles heel if you will. Before felt pretty OK. Stomachs started classify. Vocalist Liz, the write-up that Cafe, the music as "heal- tilting the bottles toward our to turn a while later, however, as Four Calendar describes of music complements mouths, we noticed the 5% ale/ gaseous substances were emitted ing" and as the"...kind that emotions Liz also claims that vol on the label and with use of the from our colons, thinning the air the you're feeling". their music is "misunderstood" and the write-up computer, calculated the ÜBU of and killing the ozone. stating band must be "...ex- 24. After that grueling operation, As far as the IQ goes, Wild- supports this by that the perienced, not explained". 1 couldn't have said it we figured that we had earned the cat gets a good grade scoring an tried, I don't think I privilege ofsampling the contents 8. This is slightly less than the better myself. Even if I really or Cocteau Twins. of the bottle. harsher Maximum Ice because could understand explain the over week- If first impressions are of of the lower octane rating. The I listened to the tape many times the end and did become familiar with the tunes, but value, it can be said with confi- low price, great taste, and the I dence that Wildcat is well worth minimal hazardous side effects even with a close, intense listening period, 1 still than about words. the money. We both felt that the inflicted upon us contribute to could not comprehend more ten So, I decided more on the melodies, original taste was much better than thisbeerreachingthe Dean's List. to concentrate were an sort of The the average beer, and that mini- Next week our friends at Molson which okay in unusual way. a airy feel to them mal effort was required to get the are releasing XXX (jet fuel in a songs have light, mellow, and which reminded me of "cocktail lounge" music, cat down the throat after it had bottle), and you can bet on the Cocteau...hmmmm). entered the mouth. The after-taste Beer Brothers' tent being outside (cocktail, Cafe make a nice back- was non-existent as all that re- the Beer Store in anticipation of Four Calendar would studying and it would be good mained was a slight bit of drool in it's arrival. ground to accompany
Tommyknockers M The Dark Half B Sun. Nov 28 Okay, so
\ \ \ Tristan Psionic x k £ 8 Strange Days JS V £ and Guests £ 15 King Cobb Steelie H\ di and Guests \ Q 22 WPIRG Benefit J| 29 Dervishes Q and Guests [ j \ THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 ENTERTAINMENT 21 TeaParty Who requested this? J.D. LOWE the DJ soon announced that it was, Pearl Jam, Suede, the Charlatans, Cord Entertainment indeed, all request night and that the Lemonheads, the Smiths and When is an all-request night not an we could pick the music that we more, none of which were played. all-request night? Evidently, when wanted to hear. 1 was ecstatic; my Most people who I talked to that it happens to take place at the Tur- friend Adam, though, was more night and in the days following had ret. pessimistic. thesamecomplaint. Asoneperson A few weeks ago, the Turret As the evening progressed, the (who will remain nameless due to began running an ad promoting DJ played the same old stuff. The her exalted position) noted, "he's "All Request Thursdays and Fri- music selection was exactly the just replaying the tape from Frosh days" with trendy catch phrases same as before the format change! Week". such as "grunge" and "alternative". 2Unlimited, of course. Snap, of 1 don't know what the problem SCOTTMcCORMICK The bottom of the ad blared the course. "Brown Eyed Girl", of was. Perhaps it is a DJ who refuses phrase "YOU ASKED WE'RE course. "YMCA", of course. The to abide by the format change. CordEntertainment LISTENING". Yeah, right. excessively annoying "Whooomp, Perhaps thewhole All Request cam- Morison playing This past Thursday, a group of There It Is", of course. No creativ- paign was just an advertising ploy flSHHPwrty ticket tKraih for friends and 1 ventured totheTurret ity, no difference, false advertis- to fool people into bolstering the gjgliSWcady Lauricr? The Tea ill be honoured until in order to catch the excellent ing. Turret's fading attendance. What- their way. Lace up your Waltons concert. When we ar- To the DJ's credit, the dance everthe reason, theTurret isclearly $2.tK) uli your favourite plaid additional on rived, the customary Thursday floor was generally filled and peo- misleading people by claiming to it's before 9:00 IKHI I of (he laundry hamper, S3 night, top-40 dance music was blar- ple appeared to be having a good have adopted an All Request for- are tomosh the night away ing from the speakers. Evidently, time. However, as was evidenced mat. k'; an rfesday, Nov.3oth.at Lauriers :■' oncert is being brought the DJ was unaccustomed with the by the audience response to Blind What I do know is that my one-night grunge pit, the Turret. to v the New and Improved type ofmusic that the Waltons play Melon and R.E.M., they probably evening ended with Adam saying, How can you get to go to what Board of Student Activities, "no and the people who would be at- would have danced to anything. "I told you so." There was no will be the best exam/paper stress matter where you go, there they tracted to the concert. We made lots ofrequests; Nir- attempt at all to satisfy the many ;trr. Whivi Hon!" reliever of your university career? Much to our relief, however, vana, the Smashing Pumpkins, people who did not come to hear "Whoomp, There It Is". The mes- sage was clearly that if you request what I want to hear, I'll play it, otherwise, screw you. If this con- tinues to be the case, the Turret should stop its false advertising. As the legendary soap com- mercial asks, CAN YOU SEETHE DIFFERENCE? I can't see the difference. There's no difference. 4Days Night of Twelfth CATHERINE McLINDEN Cord Entertainment Having a hard time getting a date for Saturday night? How about Friday or any other day ofthe week? Well, Shakespeare may have the perfect answer to all your heart- ache and dating troubles. Joel Greenburg, the Chairman of the Waterloo Drama Depart- ment has produced his adaptation of the Twelfth Night. The produc- tion explores the nature of love, the maturity that comes when one dis- tinguishes between love and being in love, and a final discovery as to what love is. Joel Greenburg has assembled an incredibly talented cast of nine that demonstrate the talent that is And we have a winner... contained within the drama depart- ment at Waterloo. The dramatical
— Gymnastics Coaches , , presentation includes many eclec- tic musical pieces and is under two hours. You don't have to turn to the
' Gymnastics background with excellent jf , I personnels to find love, just show at the Waterloo Theatre Audito- communication skills and the ability to lp 112 . v up relate to children of all ages is required. rium at 8:00 p.m. Wednesday No- Day, evening, and weekend classes on vember 24th through Saturday the 27th. For a cost of $8.00 for stu- a part-time basis. I dents and seniors and $10.00 for everyone else, love may be discovered,(or at least you will be delightfully entertained). K-W GYMNASTICS CLUB [I Calling All Entertainment Writers! Monday to Friday: 9 am to spm Thursday, Call: Here's the ticket seller Kerri Lollar. December 2nd m Special thanks to Cyclepath for their 5:30 pm Jff 1 donation of this bike m m to the 1993 Shinerama raffle. Meeting in the Cord Offices I This advertisement brought to you by WLU Shinerama committee. 22 COMMENT THE CORD Thursday, November 25,1993
volume XXXIV The cost of education Cordthe issues 1 - 27 "The tie that binds Laurier" since 1926
A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication 75 University Ave. West, Waterloo, Ont. N2L 3C5
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EDITORIAL BOARD EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sheldon Page NEWS EDITOR Kathleen Honey ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR Steve Doak ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Greg Sloan ASSISTANT ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Scott McCormick SPORTS EDITOR Jennifer O'Connell ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR Eda Di Liso PRODUCTION MANAGER Lynn McCuaig FEATURES EDITOR Ingrid Nielsen STAFF REPRESENTATIVE Sean Wilde
STAFF Production Assistants: Andrew Cameron Paul M°Lean Classified Co-ordinator Mia Kroil Circulation and Filing John Hucuiiak Copy Editors: Emma Dwyer Sandra Gabrieie CONTRIBUTORS Terry Grogan, Ryan Feeley, DenyS DaivS, Beth Haydl, Allison Potts, Amit Kapur, Scott Stinson, Pete Robinson, Jim Elkins, Rob Hums, Ralph Spoltore, Pete Arbour, Sean Wilde, Andreas M. Rothe, Tom Dabek, Evan Bailey, Stefanie Trudeau, Dave Scott, John McKenzie, Tanya King, Selene MacLeod, Chris Walsh, Ronny Watt, JD Lowe, Catherine McLinden, David Popovich, Jayson "Rambo" Geroux, Richard John, Mark Heasley, Amal Moussaoui, Darren Mahaffy, Andrew Hopper, John Baal, Partick McMurrich, Liz Unna, Julie Barker.
Production: IBM, Xante Photo: Dave Scott, Selene MacLeod. Cover photo: Dave Scott Arts Section Coordinator: Sean Wilde
STUDENT PUBLICATIONS TREASURER Jennifer Martin PHOTO MANAGER Debbie Duiker Photo Technicians Keli Watson Jeff Blair Editorial by Eda Di Liso, Assistant Sports Editor Graphic Arts Technician Anton Volcansek are the author and do necessarily those the rest Art Director Tina Romano The opinions expressed in this editorial those of not reflect of of the Cord Staff or of its publisher, WLU Student Publications. ADVERTISING Manager Mark Hand CEREBELLA By Ryan Feeley Ad Production Manager Paula Kalijarvi Ad Production Assistants Dawna Maclvor David Janzen Sales Jeff Nugent Sean Mateer Allan Pawelek
BOARD OF DIRECTORS Adrienne Hodgin, President Heather Mundell Sue Barry Chris Bradley Phill Kinzinger Jeff Oegema Michael Rosenblatt Sean Taylor (ex officio) Holy load of letters Batman! Gee do I ever like Christmas parties. I also hate cancelled publications. All Letters to the Editor must be submitted signed, typed (or at submitted on disk or via E-mail) and double-spaced by Tuesday , November 30, 12:00 pm for the following publication. But, we can only print letters that bear the author's real name, telephone number, and I.D. number (if applicable). Please see the letters policy on the next page for all the details. All letters must be no longer than 500 words. All submissions become the property of The Cord and we reserve the right to edit ot refuse any submissions. Is it just me, or does the atmosphere in
the Student Union Building really suck? Peace and good will to all - yeah right. The Cord will not print anything in the body of the paperconsidered to be sexist, racist, homophobic in nature by the staff as a voting body, or which is in violation of our code of ethics. It is possible that some really vile letters will show up in the letters section, since it is ah open forum. We will even accept submissions from cash
strapped students. One to go - whoppee! Cord subscription rates are $15.00 per term for addresses within Canada and $18 outside the country. The Editor-in-Chief is willing to provide a subscription to anyone who can walk on hot coals. The Cord is printed by the cancelled out on people at McLaren Press. Sometimes it takes a while to see the Big Picture. The Cord publishes each Thursday unless we are closed down for the very politically uncorrect holidays. I'll be damned if I can't call Christmas, Christmas. The Cord is a confirmed prospective member of Canadian University Press. All commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily represent those of the Cord staff, the editorial board, the WLU Student Publications Board of Directors, or our behind the scene buddies. Copyright (c) 1993 by WLU Student Publications, 75 University Ave. West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L3CS. No part of this publication may be reproduced withoutpermission ofthe Editor-in-Chief. NufsaiclJ THE CORD Thursday, November 25,1993 COMMENT 23
Humans are capable of eating a variety of plant and animal foods. Nonetheless, our bodies Letters Policy Meatloaf is much more closely resemble the vegetarian an- • All letters must be signed and submitted with the author's name, student identificationand imals than the carnivorous ones. We have blunt, telephone number. not pointed teeth; I don't know about Scott but
- putrid All letters will be printed with the author's name. Letters can be printed without the not my teeth in no way resemble those of a tiger or author's name only by permission of the Editor-in-Chief. wolf. Many other characteristics seem to indi- cate that parallel the vegetarian - Dear Editor: homosapiens Letters must be received by Tuesday at noon for publication in that week's issue in print, Sloan's editorial animal. Many medical conducted over on IBM format disk, or via E-mail at: [email protected] Upon reading Greg studies, ("Meatloaf is old") last week, I bristled. a number of years continue to provide clear - Letters that are submitted on disk or via E-mail must be a letters release accompanied by After much gnashing of teeth, I decided to evidence on the health benefits of vegetarian form or a signed hard copy that can the Cord offices. be obtained at respond. diets. Meat is a major contributor to the killer -Letters must be typed, double spaced, and cannot exceed 500 words. Sloan should get his facts straight. He can't diseases of our time. - The Cord reserves the right to edit any letter. Spelling and grammar will not be corrected. even name Meatloaf's new album correctly, and A tremendousamountofcropland and crops - The Cord reserves the right to reject any letter in whole or in part, that is in violation of he offers no explanation as to why Meatloaf"fell are wasted feeding animals when it should be existing Cord policies. off the face of the earth", where a credible reason used to feed people directly. Half of the harvest- ed the United States is fed to live- - The Cord is accepting photos to the editor. The Cord will accept black and white or colour exists. acreage in photographs. The photographer's name, address, phone number, student number, and brief Meatloaf orginally intended BACK INTO stock. description must be printed on the backof the photograph. One photo per issue will be used. HELL to be released four to five years after Scott and I do agree on two points. One is BAT. A series of nagging contractual difficul- the overuse of chemical sprays, but sad to say, ties followed, complicated by the singer's par- this is used for all crops including those fed to Of course, as a developing species, humans tial loss of his voice, which he acknowledges animals. Secondly, in many countries it is the Don't eat were required to eat meat to survive. This, is was entirely psychological. These problems have rich landowners that decide what to grow. The natural, seeing as in a hunting-and-gathering been resolved, hence the new album. result is that our luxury foods are grown where society, an abundant variety of alternative pro- All of this can be found in nearly every subsistence crops were traditionally grown. Both babies. Period of issues can be addressed when we make tein sources was not available from the newspaperand magazine which reviewed BACK these Dear Editor: supercavemart. And while we still have four INTO HELL. consumer choices. Recent articles in the Cord on the subject of canine teeth out of thirty-two, I remember way Now, as to the quality of BACK INTO Animals are regularly de-beaked, de-horned, vegetarianism have prompted me to reflect on back in elementary school science being taught HELL. I find this to be the equal of the first castrated and otherwise mutilated during their my own reasons for leading a meat free lifestyle. this bizarre theory of...could it be?...evolution?! album. Apparently I am not alone: the record has shortened life span. Most are "factory farmed" When 1 first cut down meat consumption, Somewhat like Mr. McKay, I too "do not already gone platinum in the United States. and never see the light of day until they are three years ago, the primary motive was a health- claim to be any saviour" because of my choice of While it may not enjoy the monster success of shipped toslaughter. That beinga piston rammed ier diet. The idea of ingesting concotions of diet. But 1 don't get off by clumsily trying to BAT, which is _still_ on the British charts, it through the brain or electric stunning, before animal fat, muscle, blood, and god knows what mass-condemn everyone who doesn't think ex- nevertheless has carved a comfortable niche. being hoisted by one leg and having their throat else, seemed less appealing. As I could feel actly like 1 do. Yes, being a vegetarian makes me No matter; this is of course my opinion. But slit. If everytheing goes by theory, they die myself becoming less sluggish and generally feel good, and I will continue to be one. And yes, whatbothered me most about Sloan's editorial is quickly, but more often than not it doesn't. The
fearful - more in shape, my doctor confirmed this appar- some vegetarians do take themselves too seri- his tone. It seems he is judging Meatloaf's music animalscan smell the death and are they ent healthier state, when a blood test showed that ously, and get pretty self-righteous...but I can on the age of its singer. die in anguish. for the my cholesterol level was significantly lower. now name at least one omnivore who does so, "Every time we hear "I'd Do Anything For Meat eating makes no sense; not the environment, world and es- It was about this time that the carnivorous too. So, Mr. McKay, if you want to write a Love (But I Won't Do That)", we miss out on planet, hunger, comments that I was hearing started to annoy logical and well-reasoned criticism of vegetari- hearing the up and coming Meatloafs of today", pecially not for the animals. mine carrot! me. People would say things like "Mmm, these anism, I'd love to read one. But until then, Sloan whines. In truth, we are hearing what Make a hamburgers are wonderful." and "You'll waste MAKE MINE GREEN! market research has determined many of us want Catherine Ens - Secretary to the Student away and die if you don't eat meat." Sincerely, to hear. There are stations like CFNY for those Union, Brock University Fed up with the ignorance and "meat and Ying Lee whose musical consciousness is limited to the potatoes" mentality in our society, I became last three months. gradually more militant in my attitude. Today I By Sloan's logic, there should only be one The Cord is would rather die than do anything as grotesque 3 R's working Star Wars movie. The Next Generation of Star and uncivilized as consume flesh. Trek ought to be pulled. And any music that is I'd like to take this opportunity to thank based on something previously done is junk. self-centred every good old carnivore out there that has at Laurier (Keep in mind this includes almost everything Dear Editor, cracked such original and witty jokes about Dear Editor: under the musical sun.) I have a problem with the amount of written vegetarianism. These actions have helped me In response to Mike Scott's letter "Three Sloan does say that most of classic rock is space that is occupied every week in The Cord by along on the clean and nutritious road to healthy R's not working", I would like to make the quality music, but that much of it is simply the Student Publications and by articles written diet land. following comments. On the contrary Mark, as "classic rockers trying to make more money". exclusively about the writers themselves. I have I close with a few points to ponder: indicated by the waste diversion records, the Three questions to Mr. Sloane: never seen a newspaper that seems to be so 1. If K.D. Lang, and Bryan Adams are vegan, 3R's program is most definitely working at Lau- obsessed with what they are doing as opposed to then it can't be all bad. rier! (a) How do you arbitrarily judge which is which? what is happening around them.
2. Gravy is made from melted fat and blood - All the recyclable materials that are placed (b) Why did you write an editorial founded If your only indicator of what was going on how gross. in the blue box do indeed go on to a recycling solely on personal prejudice? on-campus was by readingThe Cord, you would 3. Finally, I think that Morrissey puts it rather centre. The exception occurs when the (c) Did you actually listen to BACK INTO have to assume that there are about ten extremely well, "Little lamb on the hill, run fast as you can. recyclables in the blue box have been contami- HELL in its entirety before condemning it? important and interesting people who sit on a Good Christians they want to kill you, and nated by general garbage; such as, lunch bags, Board and make sure that life in ouranglo-saxon you're life has not even begun." The moral of fruit waste, etc. The contents would then be Ken Breadner paradise runs smoothly. the the Board this? - Don't eat babies. Sheep or otherwise. rejected by the centre. In such cases the custo- I do not mean to say that job Dave Scott dial staff are instructed for safety reasons not to does is not important, but I feel that it should not sort through the material but to dispose of the Meat eating be reported on weekly. Save some paper and I'm not a contaminated material with the regular garbage. some money and stop reporting about every Could it be possible that the activity you ob- meeting that goes on around campus. As jour- served in the lab was a result of source contam- not logical nalists, it is your job to go out and find the story. veggie preacher ination and not lack of commitmentto recycling Writing about yourselves constantly is annoying Dear Editor: on the part of the custodial staff? Dear Editor: and egocentric. Rarely do we get to read an article that The feature on vegetarianism in the No- The success of the recycling program at This letter is in response to your features of interviewer and an interesting vember 11th issue of the Cord ranged, for the Laurier is largely due to the cooperation be- page of Thursday November 11 th. consists an student personality. The best we can come up most part, from earnest and well-meaning to tween the Physical Plant and Planning Depart- I'm not sure if Scott McKay had a tongue in and his friends sitting at an amusingly sanctimonious. The article written ment and a dedicated group of student volun- cheek when he wrote the pro meat-eating article with is Jim Lowe Twist on a (I walked in and by Scott McKay, however, was extremely disap- teers. To date these two groups have met the or if someone actually can be that...that...well, empty Friday night pointing. I've come to expect reasonably intel- challenge with no additional increased funding never mind. Continued on page 25 ligent sarcasm, and perhaps even a degree of or staff allotment. However, the increase in insight from Mr. McKay, yet his cocky, bluster- environmental awareness, and the expansion of Photo to the Editor ing veggie-bashing article had holes in logic you the campus has resulted in a growing demand to could have driven a Butterball truck through. increase this service. Contrary to popular belief To begin with, not all vegetarians are out to 3R's programs do have a significant cost associ- preach a message that meat-equals-death, or to ated with implementation. Also, while the over- save the world from destruction by methane gas. all combined quantitiesof waste and recyclables Some of us have simply chosen not to eat meat do not increase in a 3R's program the separate for health reasons, because we have allergic handling and servicing needs (moving, empty- reactions to it, or because we don't like the taste. ing, cleaning, and storing bins) result in more Still others are vegetarians because they have complicated work tasks. chosen to follow a certain religion. In these challenging economic times de- Mr. McKay claimed that "to be a non- partments are continually being called upon to killing vegetarian is a contradiction in terms." be even more resourceful. Therefore, it is ex- Yet is seems to me that as vegetarians, we still tremely important that until additional funds kill fewer living creatures than those who do become available the University Community enjoy their flesh. And although the insecticides continue to band together and make the most of used to grow many vegetables have serious what we have. effects on the surrounding environment, the last All individuals interested in volunteering to time I checked, my meat-eating friends also assist the recycling effort at Laurier contact Tom enjoyed the occasional banana or green salad. Hammers, Environmental Co-Ordinator, Vegetarians are also condemned for being rav- WLUSU, (ext. 3335) or the Environmental/ ing, wild-eyed lunatics out to defend every lowly Health and Safety Office (ext. 2875). ant who crawls this earth. Fact is, we all as people should be concerned about the fate ofour Yours sincerely, planet. Perhaps the high correlation between the environmentally conscious and vegetarian is Pat Ferraro linked to something other than a soap box, Environmental/Health and Safety Co- hmmm? Ordinator Have you ever had one of these days? by Chris Skalkos 24 COMMENT THE CORD Thursday, November 25,1993
vegetarian solely because "it is cruel to breed, that there are not enough lines to support such notebook computer. Unfortunately she left the raise and kill animals for food." That fact is features. What did they expect with only 48 lines computer unattended in the Atrium of the Peters Too much obvious, but every vegetarian is totally unique in for nearly 1200 students! Building and it was taken.Due to the value of the her/his reasons for being so. Personally, it We have put up with these problems for equipment and the number of people in the amazes me that the slaughter of innocent ani- long enough. It is time that students express their PRISM program signing out laptops, PRISM Student Pubs mals ever became so accepted and common- disapproval with the system. We have paid hard must protect its assets by having users sign a Continuedfrom page 24 place. I have never considered myself superior earned money to live in residence and it is time contract. This contract holds the student legally walked out when my voice echoed) and what a to another living being, including cows, chick- that we see some value for our dollar. I am liable for the machine as a bailee. Unfortunately great time they had moshing by themselves. ens, etc., and I don't believe any Supreme Being startinga letter writing campaign and am asking for this student she stands to pay the replacement Maybe you should learn how to conduct an intended such levels of superiority when we that all students living in residence write a brief cost of the computer unless it is returned. PRISM interview so that the newspaper you publish is were all created. Therefore, I cannot justify the (less than a page) letter stating their general is asking on her behalf for the return of the more than just personal views and accounts of slaughter and subsequent consumption of the displeasure with the phone systems and their notebook. She is offering a $200 reward (please how much your weekend sucked. If you cannot other creatures of our Earth. desire for voice mail. The letters should be see her classified ad) to the person who can find anybody to interview, that means there is no Secondly, not all vegetarians are running to addressed to the Board of Governors and should return the notebook and no questions will be news to publish. If there is no news than the size save the rainforests. Those who are, obviously be dropped off at the Student Union office no asked. To collect the reward the computer must of The Cord should shrink from about thirty to are more concerned about the survival of one of later thatMonday, November 29. Also there will be delivered to Claudine at 10-151 King St. N., fifteen pages and the much publicized financial the Earth's most vital sources of oxygen, and the be a Board of Governors meeting in the Paul Waterloo, Ont. N2L 5A7. The computer is a woes of the WLUSP Board would be solved. numerous lives that depend upon their exist- Martin Centre on Tuesday, November 30 at Hyundai 386 machine in a vinyl TARGA case I'll say it once more to make sure you ence, rather than the jobs of those who promote 10:00 am. It would be greatly appreciated if any marked #7 with a WLU Asset Control numberof understand what is being said: Please stop writ- such destruction and murder. interested students wouldattend. If there are any 000-32429. The laptop can also be wrapped in ing about yourselves, I'm pretty sure nobody Finally, not all lacto-ovo-vegetarians are questions please contact Keri at #5460. Please a brown paper bag addressed to PRISM at the cares. hypocrites. If Mr. Gear knew anything at all let your voices be heard! DOW Student Centre P3117A lUTS (Inter Uni- Stephen Larocque about vegetarianism, he would know that it is Keri Peacock versity Transit System) and left at the WLU post possible to purchase "free-range eggs" where office located in the Arts Building on the first the producing chickens are not drugged, nor are floor ICI6 or it can be left at any University of Violence feature they cooped up in diseased sheds, and they are PRISM laptop Waterloo Office. Both Campus Police and the permitted to live as normal a life as a wild Waterloo Regional Police have been notified of chicken would, if such a thing existed. The same the theft of this machine. If you have any clouds issue concept is expected to be applied to cattle in the stolen on 8th information regarding this machine please con- Dear Editor: future. As well, it needs to be realized that many Dear Editor: tact the DOW Student Centre at ext. 2580 and I am concerned about the article by Jim vegetarians cut certain foods out of their diets in On Monday November Bth a student of the ask fora PRISM Council Directororcall Nancy Boyce, which appeared in last week's edition of stages, in order to avoid serious health problems, school of business and economics who is a Wilson at ext. 2546. the Cord. The article was entitled Taking it Like and may still be consuming dairy products. member of the PRISM program signed out a Steve Jay - ChairPRISM a Man, and emphasized the male side of being In the future, it would be beneficial if the victimized by violence. Cord's reporters and critics avoided generaliza- Spare all gays, lesbians, and bisexuals While Boyce revealed some valid, if not tions such as those which were rampant in Brian of the world your politically correct pan- disturbing, factors, the prevailing message and commentaries. It Gear's Scott McKay's is dering. If you cannot accept us for who we throughout the article was that violence against these same generalizations that make animal really areas people then don't lie to society women is taking up the limelight, and that we rights activists appear to be crazed terrorists and by and you do. should turn out sights, instead, toward the pre- make vegetarians look like weepy idealists. We DenyS DaivS say vention of violence against men. are, in fact, proud of what we stand for, and PINK INK Being gay or lesbian does not just I wholeheartedly agree with Boyce that rightly so, for we are the people who save mil- affect your sexual being. It is a part of your "...we should confront the devaluation of men lions of lives every day. It has become apparent to us from life that affects everything that you do, say, which legitimized this violence..." but the fact Leanne Amort feedback via letters to the editor that our and think. You are gay in your home, when remains that women are victimized because of liberation (as gay people), while being you go to work or school, and when you are their that is manifes- gender, and sexual assault a achieved, seems to only be a token gesture. out in public. You can most certainly hide tation of male aggression toward women. Recent Phones still a It isawonderful thingthatpeoplewhowere your sexual if you so choose to, studies have revealed that as many as 50% of preference perhaps or were once embraced it women surveyed have been assaulted at some formerly homophobic, but you have you cannot brought that now think that it is alter time in their lives. This problem cannot be big problem up way, hide it from yourself and you cannot or clouded over any other issues. okay to be gay or that perhaps it is no longer your lifestyle or the ways it affects your life ignored by Dear Editor; a morally bankrupt lifestyle or a sin, but do decisions. Sincerely, "What was that, you can't get through on Lori Murphy the phone lines? What a coincidence, neither can these people really accept it? If you choose not to accept homosex- anyone else!" Statements like these have often All too often we see the 'not in my uality as an acceptable form of life (note echoed residence halls since the beginning of the backyard' syndrome. It is okay to be gay that I did not say behaviour) for whatever Gear is wrong 1993-94 year. I must say that some very poor but don't have sex, talk to me or my chil- reason be it religious or whatever, then decisions were made on the part of the Univer- dren, or live next door. We ask you, how fine. Just keep out of our lives with your Dear Editor: sity Administration this summer when they chose can it be acceptable for us to be gay if we're 'open arm' closed mind tactics. Although 1 usually consider it futile to rea- to go ahead with the new telephone system. not allowed to live the lifestyle? It's not a The acceptance of homosexuality is son with close-minded carnivores, I felt it neces- Granted, the old system was outdated (11 years sin to be gay but it is a sin to have sex with not a grey issue, you do or you don't. The sary to to a Brian Gear and in need of replacement, but how did the respond commentary by old) someone of the same sex. This makes no only grey area is your understanding of that was not only contradictory, but also a lame Administration possibly expect to install an en- sense. what it really is. attempt to justify his own meat-eating habits. I tire system in a month's time? had also originally intended to respond to Scott When residence students arrived in Sep- McKay's article, but then realized that anyone tember they found themselves phoneless for who babbles incoherently about dinosaurs, and nearly two weeks. And since finally being acti- comes nowhere near addressing the fact that vated, they have been wrought with problems. animals should never have been the object of People calling in from outside lines often do not human gluttony in the first place, is not even get through and those who are long distance The Cord's residence supplement worth a response. callers are charged 34 cents for each failed Anyways, Brian Gear was disappointed with attempt. In fact my family alone had more than the vegetarian feature because it was supposedly $15.00 in attempted calls to WLU. The other will be a two page pullout in the "one-sided" and "poorly researched." Primarily significant problem is that students can't seem to Mr. Gear, did you not notice that both sides of get out on the phone lines. "Out" includes such the issue were presented and furthermore, the important numbers as "911", "0" for the opera- December 2nd issue of the Cord. pro-meat article was also one-sided and poorly tor, campus security, and even Foot Patrol. In argued? Secondly, Mr. Gear is not in much of a one of the residences after a fairly major injury position to criticize an article for being poorly it was half an hour before they were able to Get your copy as soon as it hits researched considering that his own comments summon an ambulance. That makes me feel safe! were not researched at all. There are several My last gripe is the University's promised voice - things that I would like to make clear. mail. In September we were told that we would the stands they will go quickly! Firstly, those whom Mr. Gear considers be able to install voice mail as of November 1. It "moral vegetarians" don'tall choose to become is now November 22 and we are now being told The Vocal Cord "What is the strangest thing that by Scott McCormick and Jayson "Rambo" Geroux you have ever done in your bathtub?"
"You would be amazed with what "I played chess with Elvis." "I was being strangled while 'The Wild Thing."
-
do with shower McPhie 3rd - you can a personal Hugh year Business someone was taking pictures." ScoffMacCregor Ist year Arch/Hist. massager." Melanie Seal "Bob" ■ 3rd year Arch. THE CORD Thursday, November 25,1993 COMMENT 25 Tibet being forgotten AMIT KAPUR people under the occupation of the Chinese. are reinforcing their hold over the large area paste, detergent, computers, and just about Cord Commentary While nobody denies that the whole in central Asia. anything else you can think of. And guess mess with Tibet is complex and delicate The first step the Chinese government is who wants to sell them these things. Ameri- One story which seems to have disap- (one must be careful to anger a country with taking is to encourage Chinese to emigrate can business. peared from the world television screens is a billion people), most people agree that the to Tibet, thus making the Tibetans a minor- Especially in these tough times, the last the story of Tibet, and the plight of it's Chinese don't intend to give up Tibet and ity in their own country. In fact, that has thing the American government (or any already happened, as there are now about a government for that matter) wants to do is to Granted, the maximum penalties are million more Chinese in Tibet than there are bring up an issue that could anger someone WOMENWORDS not always distributed. But women arc pun- Tibetans. Moreover, these Chinese are not who can provide you with a great many jobs. ished for drug offenses more severely than encouraged to respect the local traditions The opening of China's markets will make foralmost anything else. don't (mostly regarding religious shrines) thus many firms (and thus many governments) by members of the Women's Centre I know why, but they are. further humiliating the Tibetans. rich. And rich governments have the money A majority of families are headed by Moreover, the entire face of the capital to spend on social programs to also make by BETH HAYDL single women, who are paid an average of city ofLhasa is changing. Traditional build- them popular. So a few Tibetans die. one-third less than men for equal work. ings built in Tibetan architecture are being Because of these factors, governments Is the legalization of marijuana a femi- That means that a woman has less chance of torn down to make way for modern high- won't dare to act alone in coming to the aid nist issue? Call me crazy, but I kinda think being able to pay a fine for marijuana rises. Some people say that half of the old of Tibet. Even an economic power like the so. And here's why. possession than a man does. No pay fine, go city is now gone, and the Chinese won't US would gravely risk being shut out of I think hemp products should be legal. to jail. Women imprisoned for non-pay- bother saving the other half. This is appar- China's emerging markets as it's economic Hemp produces four times the amount of ment of fines constitute a large portion of ently all in the name of progress. competitors grab the best investment oppor- paper that trees will produce. It makes nice the female prison population. Regardless of what the Tibetans are tunities. This is an issue that must be ad- clothes, too, but fabric containing more Up until a few years ago, all Canadian facing under Chinese rule, thefact that should dressed with an international consensus. than 50% hemp will be confiscated at Cus- women sentenced to two or more years alarm them most is that conditions will not However with wars in Bosnia, Somalia, toms if you try to bring it into Canada. Geez. were sent to Kingston. For many, that was get better any time soon. Despite rioting in and the Middle East, politicians find them- At the Women's Centre I think I am far away from family, friends and home, 1989 and civil disturbances last year, the selves with enough chances to gain political pretty much alone in this view (isn't diver- the support system which might have made world media has been unable to completely mileage without having to worry about a sity beautiful?), but I am also in favour of the prison experience more tolerable. bring the Tibetan story to light. Most of this long-forgotten country in the middle of the the legalization of marijuana. This, in case We all know someone who smokes has largely to do with the Chinese. Himalayas. Tibet is simply no longer a pri- you don't know, isaparticularly interesting shit. Parents, professors, and nice people of First of all, China has a permanent veto ority for the world media. hemp product that makes people happy, all persuasions have been known to suck on power on the United Nations Security Coun- To think that a solution to this problem hungry, and sleepy. It also relieves the a spliff every once in a while. Think of cil. Thus the UN is powerless to act even if is going to be easy to think ofand implement suffering caused by chemotherapy, and someone you know who is an occasional there is unanimous consent about what is over-optimistic. However, the issue must benefits people who have asthma and glau- pot smoker. Are they violent, evil, and a should be done. once again grace the pages of the world's coma. Tobacco, alcohol, prescription drugs, menace to society? Would they be a better, Another important consideration has to newspapers and pop upon television screens caffeine and red meat are worse for your happier person after living in a guarded do with money (what a coincidence). You in order to show Tibetans and the rest of the body than pot, and they're all legal. cage with rapists and murderers? see, China has over 1 billion people. These world that we don't judge news on saleabil- But aside from the usual medical-eco- The legalization controversy has been are 1 billion people who need cars, tooth- ity, but on the extent of human suffering. logical-philosophical "legalize it" line, there hashed (oops) around for years. A lot of are legal and social considerations to be politically active types have leaped on it, made. but few have made the connections be- Marijuana has been lumped in with tween this and other struggles for freedom. cocaine and heroin as an extreme danger to We can follow a little path - legalization of Cord Feedback society, even though it is not addictive and marijuana: the inhumanity of our prison A selection ofthe last week's comments no one has ever died from using it. When system: inequalities in the treatment of men from the Cord Feedback booth in the you light a joint, you are committing a and women in courts of law: general aware- Concourse every Thursday. More country music reviews!! criminal offense punishable by a maximum ness of the inequalities between men and Sandra Isaac of seven years in prison. women found in every aspect of society. From issue #13
If you pass it to a friend, you're traf- Voila! Pot and feminism - partners in Scott Stinson, good article on TSN's lousy ficking. And that's seven years to life. struggle. We want articles by Mark Hand because system. You should send an article to their they are damned witty! headquarters. it's a bad thing) and we expect them to Hugh MacPhie Greg Ashcroft deny their fears and be society's protec- enGENDERed tors. Men are still expected to provide for In the November 11th paper, the vegetar- Need frosh extension #'s. their families. Stay-at-home fathering is ian article barely addressed the issue of Dave Colebrook species still considered an oddity. Meanwhile we cruelty. Who will speak for the unspeaka- force working mothers to feel guilty for ble suffering of animals? The carnivorous Beth Haydl should wear blinders to shield exploring their career options! writer's facts were all wrong! The veggie herselffrom this horrible patriarchal world. by ALLISON POTTS Neithersex is benefiting from protect- writer defended vegetarianism from a Scott MacGregor There are assumptions and stereotypes ing their own traditional territory. We are health perspective. There is so much more about both genders that we still rely on to merely making these assumptions more to vegetarianism than anyone even hinted The Cord starts a great barbecue! A multi- guide us through the world. For instance, entrenched in society. Roles and charac- at. What about battery farming, cruel, function paper. What a great deal! it is assumed that women are naturally teristics should not be gender-divided. We cramped cages, hormones and electrical Blair Gowan nurturing and motherly. We are the all have feminine and masculine traits, but shocks to dairy cows, lousy transportation caregivers and are sensitive and emotional. perhaps we should have labelled them dif- conditions, veal calf conditions, slow death, What vital part of the Editor's anatomy is that We instinctively know what to do when a ferently to avoid the stigma of displaying rape racks...? These are all thereasons I am Fisher kissing to get much space every drivel. baby cries, but we need help when we hear both. vegetarian. week? FSE is a bump in the night. Many women will be From the moment we are born this Sharon Thompson Ying Lee offended by this. Others may read this and starts. We are wrapped in a pink or a blue think that since these qualities aren't bad, blanket. Researchers have found that boys there is no problem with characterizing arc not treated as gently as girls. Each new women like this. motion we make is associated with a gen- of the What about thewomen who don't want der specific role. If a girl doesn't play with Next issue is the last Cord children? Thanks to these stereotypes, we dolls or plays a lot of sports, she is labelled can pity them and consider them cold. An a tomboy. A boy who displays a lot of year. If you want to write a letter to assertive or aggressive woman who enters emotion is called the ultimate insult...a a male-dominated field? She can be la- girl. - belled 'male-identified' or, as in Margaret Why is this important? Because some- the editor now is the time! Thatcher's case, can be called an 'iron day you might have children. Someday lady' for the same characteristics that arc you may have the opportunity to congratu- considered admirable in a man. These late a woman for working hard in a tradi- stereotypes have made it possible to keep tionally male sphere or support a man who women out of managerial positions and has decided to work at home in order to Letters can be dropped offat the other spheres deemed inappropriate for better nurture his children. But, more women in the past. importantly, as members of society we arc This same characterization has been responsible for shedding these assump- Cord offices on the 3rd floor ofthe used to keep men out of nurturing roles. tions and stereotypes which arc denying us Men arc denied positions in daycares. A options and acceptance in the world. These man who wanted to run a daycare from his gender-based characterizations are serv- Student Union Building or E-mailed home was denied a licence because people ing to further divide the sexes and inflate don't trust men with care giving instincts. our differences. We have to notice them in order change them. to: [email protected] Wecall asensitive man fcminine(asthough to I 26 COMMENT THE CORD Thursday, November 25, 1993 Canada to be united? AMIT KAPUR Take for example the war in Bosnia (and Liberals, Reform, and theBloc), two of them Canada, like the EEC, was built on a Cord Commentary surrounding areas), Somalia, and the former recognize that Quebec doesn't have a real spirit of cooperation and understanding. If USSR just to name a few. In all of these place in Canada and thus might be better off the politicians don't understand this, it is up How many of you have been sitting in cases, the forces that once united the people if they separate. How can we build a national to the people to tell them. Let's face it, if a your classes, listening to your grandparents, (not always willingly) are gone and now consensus if many of our politicians and continent with a history of war can come or watching tv and listened to people talking people are fighting for what they believe citizens cannot see the other person's point together, why cannot a country with a histo- about how the world is changing. Every- belongs to them. Instead of the spirit of of view. ry of peace? where you look, politics and society are cooperation, there is instead a spirit of hate changing around you. and isolation. Take Europe for example. Here is a On the other hand, this spirit of cooper- continent that only 50 years ago was drown- ation can be found in Europe and to a lesser Reasons why the politically ing in the worst war that the world has ever degree in Asia and North American. The seen. And yet, only a few days ago, the examples of cooperation involve free trade, Maastricht Treaty went into effect to unify and the greater spirit of economic coopera- correct movement sucks the foreign and economic policies of this tion. once-divided continent and to call for the All the free trade agreements represent KEN BREADNER unification of the continent at some future the fact countries are realizing must that they Cord Commentary "herstory". What an abomination. The word time. help each other to compete and make the "history", as any student of Greek could tell However looking at the past federal best use of each others' resources. NAFTA, Not all that long ago, I found myself in you, has nothing whatever to do with gender. election and the bickering that has resulted the European Economic Community, and an the HMV flagship store in downtown To- Anyone who thinks it does is guilty of from it, I cannot help but wonder if the Asian trading bloc are only the first exam- ronto. I'd gone in to buy something or other; anglocentrism. Canadian people are going in the opposite ples of this new reality. I came out packageless and mad as hell. If this word catches on, it won't be long direction. After blabbering about all this global What had offended me was a simple before we sing "hers" in church. Looking through the headlines, almost cooperation stuff, you have to wonder about sign: "Womyn's Music" If "womyn" catches on, I'll make sure all the major news now is about eithergroups the direction Canada is going. At first I laughed. I thought, "Gee, what that "man" is spelled"myn", just on general of people splitting up or coming together. Of the three major political parties (the an embarassing mistake." 1 approached a principles. 1 believe in equality, or some- female clerk (who, at second glance, ap- thing resembling it. 1 do not believe in peared to be the founding member of the building linguistic walls between the gen- How to prepare and how not Society to Stamp Out Penises Everywhere) ders. This onlyencourages gender war. and told her of the error. She glared at me as This problem of wall-building can be to prepare for the LSATs if I intended rape. "That's not a mistake, applied to other issues. The people in Ire- sir", she intoned with barely concealed mur- land seem to look at themselves as Catholics BONNIE REDEKOP Given by John Richardson, a lawyer derous rage. "What you see there is female and Protestants first, and Christians second, are so Cord Commentary with both American and Canadian law de- identity, and it's about time." if at all. Quebec separatists caught up being that they can't see them- In this bureaucratized and stratified so- grees, the course was both informative and I got out before she could stab me with in Quebecois Canadian. ciety in which we live, it sometimes becomes entertaining. I discovered that the answers an ice pick and walked along, lost in my own selves as 1 conscious of myself as a man. imperative that we submit to the rigours of to the LSAT questions were not lodged thoughts. Female identity. Interesting con- am not Why bother time with so stringent testing which aims to classify us as deeply in the recesses of my brain after all, cept. I guess this is part of the "women's wasting something obvious? Rather, 1 consider myself a human worthy of further education. Thus, we have but were right there in front of me on the equality" movement, whatever that is. being, a part of a global society, a person the LSAT as a test one must undergo in order page. Imagine my elation at this news! The Forgive me for daring to inform you all with a responsibility to stop injustice wher- to enter Law School. course gave me a new way of looking at the of the fundamentals, but women ate differ- ever see You may well ask, why would a relative- structure of the LSAT and solving the ques- ent from men. I think all first-graders know 1 it. Building walls between people ly intelligent, university-educated person tions. this, but an alarming number ofradical fem- is injustice, pure and simple. are on such as myself desire to seek such a profes- I have compiled a list of LSAT do's and inists haven't passed first grade yet. We fixated difference. We bela- sion? Let's just say that I am mildly twisted don'ts, derived from my own experiences as Women will never be equal to men, and bour the obvious differences between gen- ders, so on. Where are and misguided, actually feel I can have a an average but under-prepared test-taker. men will never be equal to women. This classes, and there no differences, we to When are worthy and rewarding career as a lawyer, or does not mean that any one gender is supe- try create them. both. DO's rior. It does mean that we are different. we going to stop noticing differences and start noticing how we are similar? Hasn't it Anyway, my purpose here is to enlight- Get the pinkie-purplish book and READ Now that we've figured out some basic 1. to activist concepts of en other LSAT-bound students, and those it. biology, let's look at the new linguistics. occurred any that the are diametrically students who arc even remotely considering 2. Register for the LSAT in plenty of time so Besides "womyn" and "wimmin", I've difference and equality such a venture. as to avoid the late-registration penalties, heard another word bandied about recently: opposed? The LSAT is a half-day, standardized and fill out the registration form carefully. test, and consists of five thirty-five minute 3. Do as much preparation as you can. Book- Rejected Teacher's College sections. The sections comprise the topics of stores and libraries arc also good sources of analytical reasoning, reading comprehen- information. sion, two logical reasoning sections, and one 4. Get a lot ofsleep and good food before the hopefuls find haven in the US section for experimental purposes. It is test, and bring along a snack for the break. 1 SANDRA MCTAVISH intended to assess the skills that are judged firmly believe in the mind-body link, and if Cord Commentary a —to to be necessary for success in law school. your body shuts down, those neurons will grade 9's). And we all share dream I know every gas station, golden school school Your first step should be to pick up a soon follow. every teach high and elementary arches and every Yogi Bear Waterpark from copy of the LSAT Registration and Informa- kids. tion Book for 1993-1994. This book will be DON'Ts Waterloo to Buffalo. You may wonder why Western and Queen's shut the door in this information is except for a our faces we found an alternative route your bible for the coming months. In it you 1. Don't make the mistake of likening the important but Trivial Pursuit game; however, I know this through the plumbing. Canisius College is will find information on each law school in LSAT to an IQ test, or anything which re- route cold because I drive it 3 days a week on "Hamlet" Canada. It also contains information on how quires no preparation. Studying can help, for all of you who want to teach to my way to the faculty of Education at Canisius a to plan and pace yourself in order to maxi- believe me. the kid with green hair and mohawk but College in Buffalo. can't get a Bachelor of Ed. your own home mize your LSAT performance. Finally, the 2. Don't go into the test with a negative in I am one of over 100 students who book provides addresses where you can send attitude. Believe you can do it, or you're province. grocery shop at the Buffalo Duty Free store, and away for preparation materials, and the LSAT wasting your money. So rise up 'B' students, stand tall wears my Blue Jays registration form itself. 3. Don't dwell endlessly on questions you faithfully paraphernalia purchase a map of New York State. (You and am irritated by American money being Having obtained a copy of the Registra- can't answer. Do your best, and move on. may also want to rob a bank in order to pay the same colour. Those of us who paint can tion and Information Book (also known as 4. Don't see one LSAT grade as the end-all for the rather large tuition fees.) Dreams fumesonthe Peace Bridge are actively train- even than the pinkie-purplish book), I sent away for a or be-all of your existence. You can take the become reality in places other ing the feeble representative of American Tom Cruise's bedroom (or Sharon Stone's if preparation kit, which I found to be helpful, test a number of times, so it's not as if your students how to pronounce Chretien. (They because 1 could work through the questions professional fate is decided in the course of you're male). call him Carter with a bad French accent.) in at my own pace. one day. Canisius gives you the papers to teach Why are we here? It's not because we I found the test stressful, but was able to A good LSAT mark is only one part of Ontario and the street smarts to beat all those like cheap gas (although that doesn't hurt). get through it without imploding and sinking the process for entering the field of law. Law Western Bachelor of Ed. grads in the job It's not because we want to listen to people interview. into an into an unidentifiable puddle under the desk. schools also assess GPA, and many schools (Just because you got who talk funny and have a but Ontario to The time constraint was apparent, and I use letters of reference, work experience, conspicuous school doesn't mean you're going still noticeable southern found myselfrandomly answeringquestions community involvement, and extra-curricu- drawl. It's because get a job in Ontario.) the Ontario teacher's colleges didn't that I had not thought through, in the hope of lar activities (why do you think I'm writing want I'm proud to be at Canisius. The teach- our money. We are the rejects but we are great, are winning at the game of chance. this article!) In other words, don't lose your the ers are fellow students fun and the proud. Six weeks later, the results came, and perspective. beer is cheap (here's to extra-curricular ac- We are the 'B' students with loads of while not totally disappointing, I felt that a So good luck and happy writing, and tivities). If you want to join the Canadian experience coaching soccer (without ever Supreme Court appointment was just slight- remember, if you totally bomb, so what? brigade across the border call 1-800-950- having played the game ourselves), teaching (orattend theiropen houseon Novem- ly out of reach. Another try at the LSAT was This war-ridden and ozone-eroding world is 2505 diving(with results that look ike definitely in order. To prepare myself for the bound for destruction anyway. Your posi- I belly flops), ber 20th) and I guarantee you'll shed fewer and lighting our hair on fire (while demon- tears on get accept- second test. I attended an LSAT preparation tive attitude is all you really have, so don't April Ist when you don't strating the lighting of Bunsen burners to ed by an Ontario school. course at the University of Toronto. lose it! THE CORD Thursday, November 25,1993 CLASSIFIEDS 27
screcne( J Tuesday, November cruiseships, airlines and resorts. Reward Just a little something to say 112 30, 5-7 p.m., Peters PlOl7. Free No experience necessary. For more Lost: A PRISM Laptop Computer Happy Birthday and get you admission and popcorn. Sponsored information send $2 and a self- - Hyundai laptop computer in a recognized by Anthropology Club and An- addressed stamped envelope to: black case marked no. 7. WLU j n -phe Cord since we didn't Classical-Blues-Jazz-CD's- thropology 332. World Wide Travel Club asct control number 0000-32429 make Bag O' Crime! Maybe next Tapes 5334 Yonge Street with power pack time... Special Orders - no problem. nSuite 1407 Left in Atrium on Monday, No- Laur. *
- Twelfth Night Music Shoppe - Toronto, Ontario vember 8, between 7 7:30 p.m. if .. The Atrium -33 Erb St. W., M2N 6M2 (1) this computer is found, I implore Roses are Re( j Phone 747-5808 (1) Tutor available in Business cal- someone to return it to me at Violets are Blue cuius, Math, Physics, German and EARN FREE TRIPS & CASH!! Claudine Alpha Omega Leather Laurier Jacket, purple, Biology. Call 886-2657. (1) Breakaway Tours is looking for 10 - 151 King St. N. WooHoo gold lettering, size 38, hardly motivated students, organizations Waterloo, Ont. & - clubs t0 pro™ otc Spring Break worn, bought new last year, |/~v N2L 2YI GEAR up for '94! $225 080 1-905-666-2467 WHVV 1 V>U and New Year's trips! Leader in 886-9398. Effective representation from
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Laurie. (1) „ ... Make „__ m 'V President Smithers! Spanky
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• 8 - ... a great Christmas gift! Bring Jr / r ~ ■ Charity Ball 1994 Bake sale in the in your own photos and have a 't Concourse Monday, Tuesday, & a— jftL w»~~ k J* j. J V— ..J- I personal 1994 calendar made for V I—- /\ 112 \mrjf Wednesday next week. Please help * 112 ' lCf C " Prices from $19.99 - ■ Foundation you. F *~V 7T support The Sunshine $29.99. Call for more details, \ e *m baked good. i Jjfe E" J\ fTJ T J \ 2 % •"■■F"" I , by purchasing a Shoppers Drug Mart, 744-7871. 1 I*l 112 | CJ I M " Thankyou!
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- Learning how to use it 112 HAVE HOT ASS - BUTT DON'T - Software training 4, Jk LET IT GET TO YOUR HEAD. * - Class assignments jf*- SEE YA AT THE TURRET ON ? - •* Printing services (including docu- JH . FRIDAY! ment preparation, layout, spell J v, if Jv YOUR ADMIRERS FROM checking, colour and laser print- J§B j/ J** jßf ' BEHIND! -DISK Rccovcry—lost EVERY- '4 ALPHA OMEGA: ANEWCON- ** J THING?-No problem ' JF CEPT IN GREEK LIFE. * 725-7919.(1) \ Happy 19th Birthday Gen. Your \ / ,|if PaIT.H. Ot- f\f>OOMTi I
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* • || are just about there, well almost! v>\>H student tours for the past 11 years, Drummer with tree hall looking we arc looking for the best reps to Happy Birthday to the number one for guitarists to jam with. Call Tak promote our company. Best com- „ hooker! We love you babe! From structure available, so PCHSOIVf)Lt? FREE EXPERIENCE! By volun- after 3:00 p.m. 570-1847. mission thc two fj gs? junclc, nymph and teering at thc Cord you can gain call today to apply! CALL 744- recj training free of charge in photog- £ 3197. CALL AND COMPARE raphy, writing, desktop publish- US TO ANYONE!! (1) Thanks to all who attended Boogaloo, ing, and interpreting political ■. jp DELTA GAMMA'S "Mexican Boogaloo, Boogaloo, bullshit. Apply today. \A/r7\ W 1 PL/ Help Wanted. We are looking for Fiesta" -It was a great success! love you!!! 2-3 key people to open a financial
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— — CLASSIFIEDS 1121 (15) thc next Cord. Please drop by the train. For an interview call 579- roulette but my tragic flaw? I Cord offices and ask for Sheldon. 9050 Ext. 47. (3) guess indecisiveness is not a good Counselling Services Next issue December 2. E-mail character trait, for somebody who Students and Alumni: $0.15/ Thanks for attending the Study your submissions to the Cord at FREE TRIPS AND MONEY!! wants to be President." - FISHER word. Skills workshops this term. Even thecord @ machl. wlu.ca Individuals and Student Organi- SCHEFFIELD'SEPILOGUEcon- though they arc finished, we're zations wanted to promote the Hot- tinucs each week in The Cord Non-students: $0.20/'word. here to offer individual help in FREE Spring Break trips & cash test Spring Break Destinations, time management, essay writ- bonuses. We need only the BEST call thc nation's leader. Inter- Alpha Omega ing,and especially preparing for WILFRID LAURIER reps to campus Programs 1-800-327- Any Questions ? Bolding, italics, and underlin exams. We are located on the promote Cancun, Cuba, 6013.(1) 885-2916 ing add $0.05/word. upper floor of thc Student Services Daytona, Montreal & Quebec
* RETURNING Building. Please call 884-1970 sun/ski party trips. Incredible qcto PO( )MD TO ALL WHAL- Deadline: Noon Tuesday for ext. 2338 for an appointment. And giveaways from Kodak & Koala ERS! that week's publication. GOOD LUCK ON EXAMS! Springs and a Jeep YJ draw. Call Dave at 743-0460 leave your Where: Drop by the Cord on CALL 1-800-263-5604 NOW! Steve, Twist November 20. You name and number so we can get the third floor ofthe Student's "Kanchsataki: 270 Years of Re- — - had a new haircut, denim shirt, organized for this season. Union building. sistance," 1993 National Film SUMMER JOBS and are in Economics. I was wear-
Board documentary on Oka crisis Applications arc now being ac- ing jeans and a knee brace. Wcndyl: ' r ash onI y hasis p 1ease. directed by Alanis Obomsawin, to cepted for summer jobs on Jen, Uof G, 824-4120 ext.76574 I hope Saturday was a surprise 341 MARSLAND DRIVE WATERLOO 886-7730