Tuesday 24 January 2006

Published by the USSU Communications Office.

Issue number 1096 It’s Free (So Pick It Up!) The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper

Debate! Saturday saw the action Health week Find out Konsumer Revolt | Is There A first of USSU’s ‘Just Can’t Wait more about the big week of Perfect Pizza? | Page 7 ‘til Saturday’ events with a healthy action that’s coming Arts Section |Film, Music, etc. debate night taking place in to campus very soon indeed! |Page 14 Chancellors - Read about it Don’t worry, it’s not just about Puzzles| What is a Search-for- here! | Page 21 lentils & jogging | Page 11 words anyway? | Page 23 UniS Staff To Strike? By Chris Ward “We opposed top-up fees then, and we op- Staff at the University of Surrey may take industrial action pose them now. We don’t after talks broke down on staff salary improvement. The believe that they are an Surrey Assocation of University Teachers (AUT) have at- appropriate way to fund tacked employers at the University for failing to keep their higher education. But we promise to Parliament that the extra money available from will not allow the em- top up fees would be used to increase staff pay. Industrial ployers to renege on their action could mean that final year students at the University promises. We hope that of Surrey will not graduate this summer due to unmarked they will stand by their assessments. responsibilities, and will The AUT stresses that vice-chancellors promised the start to negotiate properly higher education minister at the time, Alan Johnson, that a and fairly. Disrupting the “substantial proportion” of the extra money available would studies of hardworking be allocated towards improving pay conditions of university students is a last resort, teachers, and has expressed anger that these promises have but one which we may be not been kept. forced to take. The ball is Simon Ungar, Secretary of Surrey AUT said: “The em- in their court.” ployers had made it clear to us and to the government that The general secretary of AUT added: “I am really disap- more, but couldn’t because of a lack of money, were not just extra money would and should be made available to staff. It pointed that the employers have not taken this opportunity to empty promises, and they have blown it.”. was a central part of their case for top-up fees, and we know prove all the cynics wrong. This was their chance to dem- that the money is there now. onstrate that decades of telling us they wanted to pay staff [email protected] Tories Plan To Keep Top Up Fees By Chris Ward limited under a Tory government and would urge all parties to rethink their stance on the future of education.” Earlier this month, the new leader of the Conservatives, Anne Milton, Guildford’s Conservative MP was asked by David Cameron, announced a U-turn on the Tory student barefacts to comment on David Cameron’s recent speech. finance policy, stating that the party will now support tuition She said: “The question of university funding, student debt, fees, stating that “the money’s got to come from some- tuition fees and whether they can continue to be enough to where”. fund university education and also affordability for the less Prior to the general election, Michael Howard introduced a well off is all under review in the Party. I will listen and policy whereby fees would be scrapped and higher education contribute – student debt is of particular concern. It would would be paid for by placing a commercial interest rate on be a mistake to make up my mind before I’ve heard all the the student loan. This was met by staunch opposition from evidence and at this stage I would love to hear from any stu- the National Union of Students, who have recently called for dents or University of Surrey staff and will feed their views David Cameron to reconsider his stance on fees. into the policy review.” Julian Nicholds, NUS Vice President Education said: “The USSU have consistently rejected plans to charge students impact of any policies on students and potential students top up fees, as it would both restrict access to university for must not be underestimated. In recent correspondence with those who are financially incapable of covering the cost, and NUS, Cameron has admitted that a Conservative govern- would introduce a market into higher education. ment would not pursue continued opposition to variable fees. We are extremely concerned that access to education will be [email protected] You weren’t much of a muse, but then I weren’t much of a poet 2 NEWS 24 January 2006 Doctor Doctor... gimme the news!

Editorial Team All these addresses are @surrey.ac.uk University Applications Fall (unless otherwise mentioned). Funny that. by Marcin Stylski We are extremely worried. So should the government be.” Editor-in-Chief The introduction of tuition top up Career advisors at colleges have Neil Boulton: ussu.comms@ fees has led to a drop in University warned that there will be a drop in applications for the first time in eight applications with the introduction Editor years, the government has admitted. of tuition fees, with many students Chris Ward: cs21cw@ The deadline for applications closes not understanding the new finan- next week and the minister for higher cial arrangements. These claims Deputy Editor education, Bill Rammell estimates were refuted by Mr Rammell who Joshua Bates: cs52jb@ that the number starting university said the drop in applications was in autumn will fall by 2%. Ministers momentary “When tuition fees first Deputy Editor have constantly stated that with the came in 1998, there was something Sophia Hawkins: li52sh@ introduction of top up fees, of around like a 2.5% reduction in the first £3000 would not put off prospective students. Bill Rammell year - a marginal decrease - and then the trend continued up- News Editor maintained that a 2% drop in applications represents a “strong wards. I’m not into the prediction business but I think it may well Marcin Stylski: li12ms@ performance” with the increase of applications last year. be the case that you will see a similar kind of pattern. But thus Bill Rammell went on to say “This was to be expected, given far a 2% reduction on the back of a 9% increase is not anything Features Editor the very large increase last year of something like 9%, I am not other than a strong performance in terms of applications.” Lia Parker: ps41lp@ anticipating a change from that. I most certainly do not believe Ministers have set a 50% target for 18-30 to attend univer- that we are going to see a major downturn in applications.” He sity by 2010. Many universities will be charging the maximum Arts Editor continued by saying that “Many students would be better off amount of £3000 in fees, which is more than double the present Beth Heale: [email protected] under the new system, with more generous grants and bursa- amount. The difference being that the fees will only have to be ries.” This was disputed by the National Union of Students said repaid after the students start working and that there are more Arts Editor ministers had to admit that the introduction of tuition fees was a generous grants now available. Mr Nicholds still insisted that Nicole Heel [email protected] deterrent. Julian Nicholds, NUS vice president, education, said: “The prospect of top-up fees for courses beginning next autumn “Education must not become a commodity reserved for those will further harm the government’s stated aim of widening par- Fashion Editor who can afford it. However, that is exactly what will happen if ticipation to meet their target of 50%.” Natalie Dowle: ms42nd@ the government won’t admit the deterrent effect of top-up fees. Fashion Editor Jamila Gangadeen: ms41jg@ Webmaster & Puzzlelord Cash Program for Students Extended Colin Everett: ma41ce@ By Marcin Stylski All About U was launched by Uniaid last October. The main aim of the programme is to take students on a virtual year at Postgraduate Editor A £97,500 grant from the funding council Hefce has gone university, with the intention of balancing their academic goals, Position Vacant towards an online resource that helps 16-19 year olds with their finances, time and social scene. Uniaid’s chairman, and vice- finances while at university. chancellor and chief executive of London South Bank University, Adverts & the like The online resource, ‘All About U’ (developed by the Deian Hopkin, said “This project is another invaluable building Aaron Salins: a.salins@ independent students’ charity Uniaid) stated that the money will block as we continue to construct an effective, national be used to create teaching materials. The aim of ‘All About U’ partnership so that young people and their advisers can be is to help students deal with the confusion of student finance given the best tools and the best information for understanding and with the sometime difficult change from school/college to finance.” The higher education minister, Bill Rammell, said university. “It is our priority to increase understanding of student finance, Retractions / Errors This venture is in cooperation with a government funded and I am delighted to see such innovative partnership work. I scheme called Aim Higher, whose main aim is to increase the have been extremely impressed with Uniaid’s creativity and In the last edition of barefacts before Christmas, number of young people from under-represented groups entering innovation, and I would encourage other organisations to work an entry was published in the personals pages higher education. It is hoped that the materials will be used with them.” that a few people found offensive due to the during higher education awareness raising days, summer schools, fact that one interpretation suggested the social and health education lessons and other outreach activities. personal eluded to a joke about child abuse. The editorial team would like to apologise if Do you have a complaint against this newspaper? barefacts is an editorially independant newspa- Contributions must be submitted any offense was caused by this, and would like per and is published by The University of Sur- by the Monday before publication rey Students’ Union Communications Office. to stress that although our editorial process is If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains date to guarantee publication and inaccuracy, harrassment, intrusion, or discrimination write to our edito- The views expressed within the paper are those may be edited at the discretion of the usually rigorous, the content of this submission rial team about it. If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press of the individual authors and do not neces- editorial team. Please send them to sarily represent the views of the Editor, the unfortunately fell through the net. Complaints Commission - an independent organisation established to [email protected]. uphold an editorial Code of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will University of Surrey Students’ Union or the abide by their decision. University of Surrey. Also, we do know how to spell “jeopardised”. barefacts Press Complains Commission barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions Union House 1 Salisbury Square University of Surrey Students’ Union London EC4Y 8JB [email protected] Guildford Telephone: 020 7353 1248 www.ussu.co.uk Surrey Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 Copyright USSU Communications Office 2006 GU2 7XH 24 January 2006 NEWS / LETTERS 3 National Student Survey - Useless? College Keeps Veil Ban

By Sophia Hawkins criticized, however and was boycotted by By Joshua Bates dress. the above universities last year. They are Sameena Misbahuddin, the Student Union Many universities are set to follow in the expected to do the same this year. Security fears, heightened by the July 7 President (Imperial College), commented footsteps of Warwick, Oxford and Cam- It was revealed that, ‘students taking part bombings in London and animal rights pro- that “the college has been really helpful and bridge and boycott the National Student Sur- last year were harassed with telephone calls tests, has led to the Imperial College insist- cooperative” saying that although students vey next year as reported by Liz Ford for the if they did not complete the survey online, ing that all visitors, students and employees will need to have visible ID cards although Guardian. It has emerged that as many as 19 sometimes while they were revising for are identifiable by comparison of their face they would not have to be worn around their universities may boycott the Survey if suf- final exams.’ Thus, the group are encourag- to the photograph on their college identity necks. ficient changes are not made. The Aldwych ing their ‘parent universities not to provide card. The move means that the college’s The policy states: “If the college’s dress Group who questions the way the survey has NSS organisers with students’ mobile phone revised dress code will still not permit the code produces a conflict with [for example] been structured has raised concerns. They numbers.’ veils worn by some Muslim women in spite an individual’s religious belief, the individu- query, ‘how the information is collected, the Kat Stark, a spokesperson for Warwick of protests from students. al’s line manager or the student’s supervisor depth of the questions and the make-up of union spoke in favour of the NSS idea, but Hooded tops, scarves or hats are however will, with the aim of finding a satisfactory the survey’s steering group.’ that the only reason why her university had not excluded by the code although security compromise, sympathetically consider the The National Students Survey (NSS) was boycotted was because of the structuring. concerns may be raised if they are to be issue.” answered by 170,00 final year students. It It seems clear that the students want a sur- worn tightly across the face. The college says it aims to create a climate was a bid to find out students opinion on vey that is going to be accurate, and presents Saris, skullcaps, turbans, clerical collars where diverse cultural, religious and non- everything from their course, their union to a clear idea of what a university is like and and kippahs are all however welcome on religious beliefs are respected. Therefore, library facilities. The aim was for students how good it is. And as Miss Stark says, ‘We campus and in the revised code (as agreed the code also bans racist, sexist, sectarian to get a more rounded view of what univer- [are looking] forward to the day when we with the student union), the college states or obscene slogans and symbols form being sity life is really like, instead of information can support [the] NSS.’ that it applauds the variety of appearance worn – “offensive dress” – with failure to given by league tables. It was immediately brought by individual choices and styles of comply resulting in disciplinary action. Letters to barefacts What would barefacts be without a two-way communication system for readers to rant and have their say on our glorious newspa- per? Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected]

in England... Even more so over there shall I every nationality welcome) if he does not attempting work during the day between Outlook on France add; food is an important part of the French open his mind and speak to them... Trust me, lectures or even simply wanting a more misguided culture, it goes without saying... another I have been there (as an exchange student peaceful, quiet time! Whilst I am conscious thing he should have known before visiting in a foreign country) and there is REALLY it will no doubt raise awareness of GU2 Dear barefacts the country!) At Surrey, administrative staff much more than meets the eye if you trust across campus and particularly freshers, I I was very disappointed to read that Ajiri DO need to close for lunch too, don’t you that you will have a better time by simply cannot help but feel that Friday’s broadcast has had a bad experience in France. know? relaxing and by making friends with the has increased the amount of students Let me start by saying that I am a French I agree on one point though: dog poo is locals! disillusioned with our University’s radio person and I have been living in the UK for unfortunately a recurrence in the streets of station by forcing it upon us in such an the past 5 years. I have studied in France, France; it’s improving, but more needs to Carole (address details provided on demand) intrusive way rather than concentrating on Ireland, Germany and the UK, all of which I be done. Unlike here, no dog owners will actually giving people a real reason to tune enjoyed a lot, for different reasons. disgrace themselves by picking it up. I do in. It would be unfair of me to criticise GU2 I am surprised reading Ajiri’s recollection not own a dog, but if I did, I would make an without adding something more positive that he did not know about electric bills, effort. It is so antisocial! In comparison to GU2 forced upon – but the impression I get from other tenancy agreements etc… Surely, he should Britain, it is less good, but on the other end, students is that not as many people listen as have checked those details before going? (I we rarely see litter in the street (whereas it is students? they potentially could. Therefore, perhaps if don’t know a country where the previous rife in this country!) So, you win some, you GU2 communicated more with its intended owner/tenant is ready to pay for the bills lose some. It is part of life! Dear barefacts audience it would allow them not only of the subsequent one –duh! Of course you In short, I was unimpressed by the general I would like to express my disappointment to cater to better to them (thus increasing should advise them you are the new tenant. mood Ajiri describes my country. Lyon is over the recent outside broadcast by GU2 on listeners – surely a good thing?), but it They will not chase this up on your behalf!) not a city I love, but I think he painted a Friday 20 January from the Lecture Theatres would also allow others to avoid annoyance France is known as a country plagued by red rather dull and unattractive picture, for a city building. As a Battersea Court resident, my if outside broadcasts directly affecting tape, and yes, sometimes it’s cumbersome, which you could compare to Manchester or housemates and I have grown accustomed to those living centrally on campus could be but in fairness, as all prejudices go, if you Leeds. It is a big city, and with that comes the fact we live in perhaps one of the more better advertised and give them a better dig deeper, you will find that ALL prejudices an amount of drawbacks that are to be livelier places of University accommodation opportunity to plan their day. Having been are exaggerated... somewhat expected: a shortage of students’ and quite often will have to put up with ill on the aforementioned Friday, I was not All this has been explained to him by the flats/studios and generally, an uninviting some kind of disturbance – whether this particularly happy to be listening to radio lady in charge of his course in France, so first impression to name but a few things on comes from the nearby Cathedral, other chatter or music (that randomly seemed to what else does he need? For them to be at arrival; but was this not his job and aim to residents or students making their way back increase in volume from time to time?). I his beck and call, no doubt... go and discover what France has to offer? believing they can sing having been to the hope my comments (on behalf of myself & a The mention of them not being available Instead, he is deliberately avoiding French Union until the early hours of the morning. number of my housemates) will be received because ‘they were having lunch’ made students and rallies himself to all foreigners However, my housemates and I feel that at in the constructive manner they are intended. me think that Ajiri is not one to agree that and exchange students... He is NOT going times the outside broadcast reached levels people need to eat (in France, just like here to enjoy what French people can do well of noise that simply were not acceptable Name and address supplied. (eating, socialising and make people of – especially given it is not unusual to be 4 COMMENT 24 January 2006 I Want To Be Famous! Why do we have such an obsession with fame? Chris Ward explores one of society’s more primitive personal ambitions - Pop Idol, X-Factor, Fame Academy - do any of the contestants care about the music, or do they just want to be noticed?

I love Celebrity Big Brother. In fact, I love it a lot more push out those extra high notes); it’s than the normal series. There are few things in this world actually quite scary to witness their more gripping than seeing famous (well, kind of famous) disbelief after being told the harsh people living their normal lives. And these celebrities actu- truth. Some defiantly face the judg- ally do act like normal people. They have something to lose es (who, I might add, have been in – no matter how small. Granted some of them have a lot this business a very long time) and to gain, but they certainly don’t have the luxury of the clean state “Well, I think you’re wrong”. slates held by those who will be entering the house in the Others break down into tears, abso- summer. They all have haunts – notice how Barrymore won’t lutely devastated that they haven’t go anywhere near the swimming pool? These haunts, whilst been chosen as “the one”. Each case touchy and in some sense taboo (I.e. Barrymore), add a level differs, but one thing is common, the of dimension to these otherwise Z-list celebrities – it gives clichéd “this is my dream and I’ll us a window into their lives and what they face, and helps us never stop pursuing it” mantra. understand why being famous isn’t exactly as attractive as the Note the name “Fame Academy”. media portrays it. It isn’t “Music Academy”, it’s The contestants on the normal Big Brother show are a differ- “Fame Academy”. They’re not be- yet, so I can only speculate based upon an outsider’s perspec- ent kettle of fish. In fact, similar to practically every reality TV ing trained to be excellent musicians, they’re being training to tive. Those who become famous often cite the pressures. show, they are symbolic of a rather disturbing trend in British be famous. Isn’t that a bit perverse? These reality TV shows These aren’t just paparazzi problems, it’s more than that. To and American culture. We have an unhealthy obsession with have opened up a new avenue – they have made fame seem- the public you are an idol, but an idol isn’t necessarily some- fame. Some people argue that this has been around since the ingly more accessible to the average person. You don’t even thing you worship. Each individual person who idolises you dawn of time: everybody wants to be globally recognised, and need to be talented, you just need to turn up and do the YMCA has in their head a perfect image of you, and in some ways, everybody wants to have left some sort of significant impact or dress scantily and try and put the words “touch my bum” to as the situation with the Take That split up proved, they can on the world after some sort of attempt at a melody. These sometimes develop entire scenarios in their mind, and these they have passed Each case differs, but people who don’t get past the first round become so prominent. Of course, you would be expected to on. This is under- still get a record deal, and they still get hold up this image in public, as you realise that the fans that standable, but the one thing is common, the their 15 minutes. It makes you wonder adore you so much don’t really adore you yourself. They extent to which clichéd “this is my dream – all those people sitting in the Pop Idol adore the image of you that has festered in their minds – in ef- this has grown is waiting room. Are they there because fect, you are a prostitute to the public. They don’t care about bordering on dan- and I’ll never stop pursuing they want to create beautiful music? To you, or your feelings, just the fact that they have met you, and gerous. inspire people with deep lyrics? Or are one day they might even marry you. Take the first few it” mantra. they there because they want to feel the So, I urge you all to switch on Big Brother for the last week episodes of a Pop- sensation of having everybody scream- or so of the celebrity fun. In fact, watch the series in the sum- Idol-style reality TV show and the state that some of these ing your name at once whilst you mime along to a cover that mer as well, and see how they compare. Most importantly, contestants are reduced to by Simon Cowell & Co. Whilst Boyzone did ten years ago? The music industry it seems is not the biggest irony of all – it is the contestants on the normal it’s absolutely hilarious to watch somebody murder a Rob- not about music, it’s about something utterly different. series who act like celebrities, but the contestants on the ce- bie Williams song, whilst thinking they’re doing it better than Of course, for those who become famous, it’s a whole differ- lebrity people who are a hell of a lot more like you and I. he ever did (watch the muscular spasms in the face as they ent ball game. Unfortunately, I haven’t quite got to that stage No Voice for Disabled Students Frank Lorford provides an insight to the problems faced on campus every day by disabled students, and discusses whether or not the university and USSU are doing enough to look after students with disabilities.

Hi, firstly let me get the data protection out of the way. Ac- this: ‘If you have an opinion about the withdrawal of the yel- Last September I suggested to the student union that a cording to the 2005 Disability Act, I am multi-disabled with low sticker scheme please get in touch with edc1fc@surrey. disabled student representative should be in situ at Surrey. a mobility problem and, I am also severely dyslexic. The ac.uk I am still awaiting their answer. ALS is part of the estab- reason I have started this article this way is that every time I At the moment I am taking Surrey to task because unlike lishment and is not necessarily the first port of call that a want to get in touch or to find an opinion of another student many other universities, Surrey charges disabled students disabled wants to take. Therefore If you have an opinion with disabilities. ALS and the university are always shouting to park in disabled parking bays. I have to fight this with a about this article or Surrey’s treatment of disabled students. data-protection. single voice as again I am not allowed to know the identity Please get in contact with myself Frank Lorford at either Last semester saw the end of the ‘yellow sticker’ scheme. of any other disabled student because of data protection. [email protected] or [email protected] I for one was very annoyed about this. I wanted to find out As you are aware every level of every department of every If you have any further questions or suggestions regard- if any other student had a view. I approached IT asking if school can appoint a student representative. However there ing the services that those with disabilities receive at this I could send a global email. I was turned down. When I is one minority that cannot do that, it is disabled students. university, the Union would like to hear from you. Please approached ALS I was told ‘data-protection’. The student The staff at Surrey University have a disability officer to contact Chris Ward, Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer, union simply referred me to ALS. All I wanted to write was represent their views. The students do not! on [email protected]. 24 January 2006 COMMENT 5 New Years Resolution, Anyone? No doubt many of you have already given up on your new years resolutions already. Those of you that haven’t, well done. (I’d like to add that this also includes me who vowed to stay sober for a year, and has so far succeeded). But if you have broken yours or you havent even made one yet, then the lovely Steve Cottingham is here to give you a few suggestions.

Recently the House of Commons Library produced a putting on some great taster offers in the first week of the SO….GETTING BACK TO WHAT I STARTED Research paper on ‘social statistics’. The subject of social Spring Semester, so you may already have been tempted. If WITH….NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS… statistics covers such matters as crime and justice, defence, not, why not join the growing numbers? education, elections, health and population. The House Well the research paper comes up with a list of the most of Commons Library undertakes research for the benefit The research quoted figures for 2004 of only 37% of males popular and I have chosen the top 5: of Members of Parliament and their personal staff, who and 25% of females meeting the current recommended get the privilege of being able to discuss findings directly physical activity target – which is participation in activity Numero Uno is GETTING FITTER/LOSING WEIGHT with the Library staff that author them – they are unable to of at least moderate intensity for at least 30 minutes and at (and here I declare my interest…having tried this for many offer this service to members of the public. However, the least five days a month (students will, of course, have found years and constantly failed) research papers are available to members of the public to some innovative and no doubt interesting ways of meeting view as PDF files from the following web site: http://www. this target!), as the figures for those aged 16-24 seem to Two – SPEND MORE TIME WITH LOVED ONES parliament.uk show: 56% of males meeting the target and correspondingly (Ummm?) 30-32% of females. What caught my eye recently was the latest research paper Three – GET LESS STRESSED (oh yeah?) on social statistics that included a feature on NEW YEAR’S These activity levels were from a Department for Health RESOLUTIONS. It was based on some opinion polling by Health Survey for England 2004, table 17. Four – IMPROVE YOUR CAREER/EDUCATION (that’s MORI in 2004 – MORI interviewed a representative cross- why I came to uni) section of 1006 British adults aged 16 and over between Arising from the House of Commons Library Research 29-31 October 2004 throughout Great Britain and of this paper on social statistics, it would seem that the most Five – SORT OUT FINANCES (no chance while I’m at sample, some 29% said that they envisaged making a New popular physical activity pastime (in a 2002 report from UniS) Year’s Resolution. the Office of National Statistics) was WALKING for both sexes, followed by cue sports (i.e. billiards/snooker/pool) for So what’s your NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION FOR 2006 I have chosen some random stuff from the research paper males and correspondingly keep fit/yoga for females. The THEN? that you might be interested to learn of. For example, third most popular was cycling for males and swimming for January appears to be a very popular month for people to females. You can find out more on the research paper at http://www. join a gym (no real surprise there then). It would seem that parliament.uk/commons/lib/research/rp2006/rp06-002pdf the Fitness Industry Association (www.fia.org.uk) supplied figures suggesting that just over 7 million people in the UK Steve Cottingham are members of a gym. You may have that UniSSport is President, The Politics Society

Congratulations to Sir David Varney

The very first full-time (Sabbatical) President of the University of Surrey Students’ Union was knighted this year in the Queen’s new years honour list. He was Students’ Union president from 1966-67, a very important time for the University. He is currently the chairman of HM Revenue & Customs, but that’s not all he’s achieved. Previous career highlights have included Head of Marketing, Branding and Product Development for Shell International Petroleum, Chief executive of British Gas and being appointed Chairman of mm02.

Sir David Varney then...... Sir David Varney now.

Just What Is Action Health Week? (Try Page 11...) 6 ROOM 101 24 January 2006 This week, we are joined by Anonymous Room 101 Guardian for a more cryptic and mysterious Room 101. Same themes as before - something you don’t like gets thrown into the Room that is 101, but not before it’s ripped to shreds in a journalistic rant - fantastic!

This article doesn’t write itself you know; it needs people like you, the dear reader. So keep your Room 101 suggestions coming ROOM in; email me: [email protected], with ‘Room 101’ as the subject title.

1. Men1 that wear really0 bad slogan 1 tops 2. The Daily Mail For example: For some reason, people from “God’s gift to women”. a whole variety of backgrounds “I have a massive cock” buy this newspaper, completely “So many women, so little time” oblivious to the fact that it’s a load “The man [arrow pointing up], The of right-wing xenophobic intolerant legend [arrow pointing down]” crap. Why do they not realise this?! Or any other item of slogan clothing Well, the first argument is “I buy the from Burtons. Is it even conceivable Daily Mail because it’s easy and that the men who buy these shirts think quick to read”. Well… no shit! With they’ll actually pull whilst wearing them? headlines like “Cause of whale’s Do they really think that striding up to death investigated”, it’s not exactly a woman drunk, with “Show us ya tits!” a marvellous piece of literature that emblazoned on their chest will actually make the female of the species appeals to the scholars now is it? think “wow, that man is so attractive!”? Little tip – it isn’t clever, and despite what your t-shirt may say, it certainly isn’t big. In a country where democracy is prided, and there is freedom of the press then I would disagree with this. A few weeks ago I went to a club with some friends, one of the guys I feel this is just a personal attack and not a view that is agreed with by (who is not particularly that great looking) was wearing a tee that said, the masses. ‘I’m going places… Back to yours.’ I just thought, ‘how tasteless.’ The thing was, I reckon a guy with attitude can get away with these kind of comments- but this is only the minority, the majority just can’t, and 3. Extremist Christians they’re left looking desperate. So I would agree and I condemn these Don’t you just hate people that tell you you’re going to hell, and then tasteless t-shirts to room of doom. complain that they’re being discriminated against when people reject that kind of crap? Well, of course you do. In fact, in particular, I’d want to throw Christian Voice into Room 101. Just take a look at an excerpt from their website: 4. Popstars that get political “Marriage vows don’t matter, half a generation of children are growing There’s a reason Mel C got into the Spice Girls, and it wasn’t for her up without a father, the government is encouraging children into sharp wit or amazing intellect. The reason should have been that she promiscuity, homosexuality and infertility, crime has soared, people seek was able to sing, but she seemed to be lacking in that area too. In fact, escape in drugs, our hospitals are filthy, our politicians spend our money I don’t know what the reason like water while we all live on debt, injustice is done in the courts and the was, so ranting about current poor are robbed by the national lottery.” affairs is probably how she Yes, have you ever seen Tony Blair training young kids to sleep with plans on making up for lack randoms? Did you ever see him try to turn children gay? And the crap of talent. Next was Kanye about the national lottery? Absolute idiots. West, who at Live 8, attacked the politicians for the amount of money they were paid, Hmmm, this is a tough one, because there is a certain amount of truth yet they were not helping in the quote. For example it is true that a third of all marriages break up, those in need. Well Mr West, crime is a problem in this country, and politicians do spend our money I’m sure you’re absolutely like water. However, I do feel that the quote is exaggerated and over skint yourself! In fact, I’d like the top. But again, it comes down to freedom of opinion and speech, to see how much of his pay and if the Christians think this then well they are entitled too. packet he contributed to Make Poverty History. Only 1 of this week’s submissions goes into Room 101 this time. If you think you could come up with a selection that would impress me, the keeper of Room 101, then see Okays, again difficult as I below for more details. don’t know how much truth is in this, I personally am Have you anything you would like to permanently get rid of? not aware of how much Mr West gives to charity. I also feel that the If so, email [email protected], with ‘Room 101’ in the subject line. Don’t forget to write comments made about Mel C were just made out of jealousy. However a little about yourself, and ensure that your choices are explained fully. much the girl can’t sing we can’t hide from the fact that despite this, It is the columnist’s right to edit entries as he deems fit, so it would be most useful if she sold a hellavalot of money, and was part of one of the world biggest explanations are lengthy, and in detail. Barefacts and the columnist will ensure that the girl bands. Besides, the girl may know a thing or too about current affairs, majority of your contributions are used, however; if suggestions are in any way derogatory, who’s to say she doesn’t? I think these comments are unjust and so I then they shall be omitted. allow these popstars to get political. Remember, keep it clean. 24 January 2006 KONSUMER REVOLT! 7 barefacts very own attempt at a consumer testing section. We were aiming for interesting and informative... by Neil Boulton Welcome to the Konsumer Revolt, the work of a society conscious collective who believe in taking the danger out of buying supermarket own brand products. And it is dangerous; the shelves of supermarkets are a minefield of products that confuse and dazzle us with the lush cardboardy packaging and prices that end in .99. Yet another yardstick of student life is having the guiding light of the Konsumer Revolt shined upon it and in this edition the light shines upon Pizza. Pizza, a semi-mythical foodstuff rumoured to be from Italy and not dissimilar to a large, round, open topped sandwich in appearance. Those with money to burn can order these pizzas piping-hot and delivered to there door. Not us though, oh no. Standard Konsumer Revolt practice applied to the testing of these Pizzas - Each Revoltee was issued a slice of the Pizza and a simple ‘Yay’ or ‘Nay’ answer was delivered depending on what they felt of the food fare. Any relatively amusing opinions they had about the snack treat was also noted down in the name of light entertainment.

Tesco Value Cheese and Tomato Pizza (Price missing, presumed forgotten) Tesco Cheese Pizza (Price missing, presumed forgotten) Special: “The tomato layer should not be thicker than the base” Special: “Better but still too much tomato” Tree: “The cheese looks like mould growing on an agar dish” “It’s a bit mucus-y” Tree: “We’ve upped the cheese percentage” “The mould has overgrown the agar plate!” Bertie: “It’s got an attempt at herbs, it even smells herby” “ Bertie: “Less bread-like base, more cheesy” 3/3: “Cheese and tomato pizza, shame they forgot the cheese” 3/3: “Value with more cheese” Susan: “Are we still talking about the pizza?” “Isn’t Herby a Car” Susan: “Base is better, but is basically it is the value with more cheese” Thong: “Nothing in particular, it’s just pretty disgusting” Thong: “This one is edible”

Sainsbury’s Basics Cheese and Tomato Pizza (89p) Sainsbury’s Four Cheeses (£1.69) Special: “Weird texture, more like traditional bread rather than pizza dough.” Special: “The best yet with a good cheese and tomato mix, but the base lets it down” Tree: “Crust is very dry, pizza very sweet” Tree: “That’s the worst bit about deep-pans” *looks disappointedly at the tasteless, dry Bertie: “Is my mouth dry or is it this pizza?” crescent of crust* 3/3: “I’m surprised there is enough cheese. I’m buying this again.” Bertie: “The deep base is quite bready and leaves a nasty crust, but overall it’s good” Susan: “Needs dip” 3/3: “Base too crispy, but cheese and tomato was good” Thong: “Yuk” Susan: “Tomato - not nice, Base - too much, Cheese - wasn’t great. In fact it just wasn’t great.” Thong: “I thought it was grated.” “Cheese was good but the tomato and base were horrid, luckily all four cheeses made up for it”

Tesco Value Cheese & Sainsbury’s Basics Cheese Tesco Cheese Pizza Sainsbury’s Four Cheeses Tomato Pizza & Tomato Pizza

Special

Tree

Bertie

3/3

Susan

Thong

Totals 1 4 5 1

As you can see from the table above, if we liked a pizza it was awarded the head of a teenage mutant ninja/hero turtle. If the pizza displeased us it was awarded the head of the vile villain that is Shredder. This gives the table an appearance something like a chequer board of good and evil. After all the dust had settled and all 4 pizza were notably consumed the Tesco Cheese Pizza stood at the front of the pack and if you’re looking for value Pizza Sainsbury’s basics is the way to go. It’s also worth noting that Special didn’t like any of the Pizzas. 8 FEATURES 24 January 2006

Have you got a problem for the Agony Niece? Send them to Agony Niece [email protected] Q. Everyone seems to be talking about who they’re moving for University managed houses doesn’t come out until in with next year. It’s starting to worry me as I don’t have February 27th, and although some people feel it’s better to anyone to live with. There were a couple of people I thought be sorted by then, it’s not the end of the world if you are not. I might be able to move in with, but they seemed to have There will still be houses available when the list comes out, made other arrangements. I’m worried that I won’t find and you can apply for one of them. anyone to live with and will end up on my own. Q. I have found a really good house that is well kept and A. Think of all the students moving from university close to campus, but my friends are all arguing over who accommodation to houses around Guildford this summer. has what room. Nobody wants the downstairs room or the Do you really think all of them have decided who they will smallest room. We have to agree soon because other people be living with? Have your friends already got their houses are interested in the house. Is there a way to combat this or sorted? Couldn’t any of those who haven’t found their house should we look for somewhere with nicer rooms? yet arrange for you to join them? If you really do get stuck, keep your eyes open around campus and check your e-mails A. No house is going to have identical rooms so you and regularly. You’ll find posters offering spare rooms, and you your friends are going to have to reach a compromise. If may receive e-mails from people who need one more person the house is nice and well located, it seems silly to let a to fill their house. All hope is not lost yet! feud jeopardise your chances of living there. Maybe one of you has more of a need for a bigger room than another, Q. My friends and I cannot decide between getting a house private sector houses go quickly as well after the list of or perhaps someone could be financially persuaded to take via the University and getting one from a private landlord. landlords is made available. You may be able to find cheaper a smaller room. You could stagger the rent so that people We’ve tried looking at some local estate agents but they housing but the cheaper houses will go quickly. If you have with the more desirable rooms pay slightly more. Hopefully weren’t very helpful. Nor were some housing websites we friends in their second or final years, talk to them. Private you’ll find a mature way to deal with the situation instead of investigated. We’re not sure what to do for the best. sector housing is a good option if you have contacts, so can giving up a decent house. beat the crowd. A. As with any situation, there are disadvantages and The University’s Accomodation Notice Board can be found benefits to both possibilities. Estate agents and housing Q. I’ve only just got back to university and already people at http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Accommodation/notice_board/ websites won’t be a good place to look as most of them are telling me they’ve looked at houses and I know a couple notice_board.php are aimed towards professionals who intend to live there a of people who have already sorted where they’re living next long time and pay high prices. University managed houses year. The people who I am going to live with haven’t started With more private sector/university managed housing at allow you the peace of mind of knowing that if something looking yet. Have we left it too late? http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Accommodation/ goes wrong, help is on hand. The problem with these houses are you are put in a ballot for each house you pick and so A. First thing’s first, calm down! The people you’ve spoken Got a problem? Why not send the Agony Niece an e-mail at may not get the house you want. Applying for University to are clearly eager. They must have been lucky enough to [email protected] managed houses can be incredibly competitive. Of course, have contacts that have numbers for landlords. The listings

BREAKING NEWS: 11:00AM MONDAY 23RD JANUARY 2006 UniS Rooms To Cost 11% More Is It Deja Vu? Based on a letter from Flo Oyeleye, regarding the issue - They have said this will Union President continue until there is a more amicable agreement. One of the Students’ Union’s arguements against The university are proposing to increase rent on the rise is a simple one, rooms are too exspensive. campus accomdation by 11% over two years. This Local landlords benchmark their prices against follows a raise of 24% over the last 3 years. There the university’s accomdation prices. The more main reasoning behind the 11% rise is spiraling exspensive the rooms become, the higher energy costs in the UK and the refurbishment Guildford rents will soar. Let Flo know your program of campus residences. The last time we opinions on the matter by e-mailing him at ussu. heard the refurbishment program as an excuse [email protected] was 3 years ago around the time of the 24% rise. Flo, Union President & Ella, VP Education & Expect more on this debate to follow. Welfare have been in talks with the university 24 January 2006 MYSTERY PAGE 9

THIS SPACE TO RENT [email protected] 10 BIG Vote ‘06: Nominations Open! 24 January 2006 It’s election time! Each year the full-time student officers called Sabbaticals are elected by the student body in a campus-wide frenzy of democracy. Let’s see how far along we are on the elections calendar.

The NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN for the BIG Vote ‘06. Being a sabbatical is a full time paid job undertaken by 4 people voted in by their follow students to lead the students union to new and exciting places. But what does that actually mean? The 4 sabbaticals will now tell you what each of their involves on a day-to-day basis, if you think you could do what they do (And you can, I know you can, I believe in you) and think you could see yourself doing it for the next year, don’t hesitate to pick up an nomination form. You can investigate more at ussu.co.uk/elections President: Flo Education & Welfare: Ella I am primary contact and head negotiator with all The VP Education and Welfare external bodies, university and local community. I is responsible for academic oversee the financial and commercial position of the representation of students and union. In case you don’t know, the union runs Rubix, all matters of education and Chancellors & The Union Shop (annual turnover welfare affecting the Union of £3million). As well as being committed to the and its members. The role also commercial arm of the business, I am responsible for includes providing an advice, ensuring that all students are represented within the information and referral service Folarin University. for students. They work with VP Education&Welfare: Ella “Flo” Oyeleye staff in the institution to ensure Although the President is the figurehead of the appropriate teaching and Students’ Union, on behalf of the students, I support learning resources and facilities are available to suit the needs of all roles in their duties as well as ensure that I am a motivational source for the staff of all students and are imperative to leading the campaigns within USSU, driving new ideas suggested by the student movement into an actual reality! the University of Surrey.

Sports & Recreation: Paintbrush Societies & Culture: Piers The name says it all. If it’s sporting or The main role is to oversee the recreationally related then you can development of the cultural groups within have an influence on what is happening. the university, through the running of You work with over 40 sports teams to events such as Chinese New Year and make the sporting experience the best International Week. As well as this, it is to possible and as if that wasn’t enough, you work with all the societies (60+) to help help with all the aspects of drop-in and them run events both in the Union building casual recreation whether that be social, and across campus. Finally, the sabbatical international or mini tournaments. Be the VP Sports: & Recreation David Piers is tasked with representing groups such as voice of students for both the University VP Societies&Culture: international, LGBT, religious and mature and UniSport and directly influence what is students. happening on this campus and the next. 24 January 2006 action HEALTH week 11

New for 2006! USSU & UniSPORT have been callaborating deep within the Students’ Union & UniSPORT buildings to bring you action HEALTH week. You may have already seen the week advertised, but what’s happening in the lecture theatre concourse each day? Read on to find out! (Or you could check out the website) go to www.actionhealth.co.uk We hear Healthy Living and think that we know it all and Wednesday: Keep On Moving UniFruit – the fruit and vegetable market held in the students we’ve heard it all before, it’s that old advice of ‘Eat Less, Keep On Moving Union building every Thursday from 9am (in Rubix next Move More’ isn’t it? Action Health explores all aspects of A selection of stalls showing a selection of the to the main dance floor) – there is a large selection of leading a healthy lifestyle from looking after your mind as activities that are available on campus, such as: high quality fruit and vegetable at student prices. It well as your body, to the society we live in and the impact classes and courses; Quantum Fitness; Healthy is recommended that you eat 5 portions of fruit and it has on us day-to-day. UniSPORT and USSU have worked Walks; Campus Dance; Intramural Sport; You can vegetables a day – UniFruit is the ideal place collaboratively to produce a programme that we hope will also take part in our physical activity challenge! to purchase them. inform, educate and most of all emphasise that looking after (We’re seeing if we can make it to France and our health and wellbeing not only has long term benefits, but to the top of the Eifel Tower! Come down to can be fun too! the lecture theatre concourse to help take Friday: Take Care - Be part in the epic journey) Aware Monday: Mind, Spirit & Soul Free Play! Whether its information, advice or to be Feeling a little frazzled after the festive season? Its free time in the sports hall for you to accosted by a 7ft Spike the Dog, Take Care - Be Crashing back into the world of work/study can be a get active. Fancy trying badminton, Aware offers the perfect opportunity to get stressful experience- but worry not, for we have a day full of or trampolining, or short tennis, even clued up on your personal safety. Not just lots stress-busting organised to help chase away the mid-winter climbing? The sport centre is opening of literature to take away with you but Freebies blues! its doors to some “FREE PLAY”, which means as well!! Ever heard of the phrase Healthy Mind- Healthy Body? the sports hall will be crammed full of equipment from > Security marker pens to mark your laptops, mobiles, Well, even if you haven’t, we believe that there may be some badminton rackets to trampolines with some assistance if televisions merit in that statement. This is why we are also looking to need so you can just turn up and play. > Alcotops & Bottle plugs present information on a wide range of psychological health > Attack Alarms issues. We have contributions from external organisations in Thursday: Food, Glorious Food > Condoms the form of helpful and informative publications, which will Healthy eating isn’t all about living on brown rice There will also be an opportunity for you to bring your be available all week long. and lentils! bicycle to have a free MOT, checking that it is safe for Healthy eating isn’t boring and mundane or difficult. travel. If you feel you would like to know more about Tuesday: Vice Advice Knowing what is good for you is the first step. being safe as a student at UniS or are a member of The things we love to do…but are bad for us! Eating well isn’t about giving up all the things staff who would like to know more as a personal Vice Advice offers information about the that taste nice – you don’t have to throw away tutor or parent, there is information available for habits that some of us enjoy on a the chocolate and avoid chips like the plague! everyone. No pressure, just free literature and day-to-day basis including: Alcohol, Simply by increasing the amount of ‘healthy goodies for you to take away. Drugs, Smoking and Gambling. All foods’ in your diet, and having the ‘less healthy of these can be accepted as foods’ infrequently will improve your diet, give social habits when they begin, you more energy, and make you feel better in Most of these activities but for some people can lead yourself. A healthy diet can also strengthen your take place from 11:30 to more than a habit and become immune system and reduce your risk of diseases am in the lecture theatre an addiction. like obesity, coronary heart disease, concourse. Make sure you If you feel you have been affected stroke, and osteoporosis. find the time to come on by any of the above, or would Thursday 2nd February 2006 is down and see what you can like more information for friends the healthy eating exhibition – a chance take away from action health and family, there is information to have your questions answered, myths dispelled and pick week! available for everyone. No up some information as well as sample some of Unilever’s pressure, just free literature for healthy food options/ There’s more information about you to take away. There will be stands giving advice on healthy eating events going on the As financial health is being included on the and the benefits of eating well and a trained dietician on website Tuesday, a representative from Barclays bank hand all day to answer any questions you might have. (actionhealth.co.uk) will be on hand between 11am and 2pm to Unilever will also have a stand, with information on give advice on budgeting. The Student Advice their ‘vitality’ range and some free samples. Unilever and Information Service (SAIS) will also be will also be talking about their summer placement there between 11 and 2, to give some debt- scheme and how to apply. Applications are due busting tips and advice and will be on in by the 6th of February so to get an advanced hand to advise students. look, please see their website (Check the useful links at the end). To put some of the healthy eating information into practice, why don’t you come along to 12 IT’S THE ENTS PLANNER! 24 January 2006 The Brand Shiny New USSU e-News Letter Thing! Yep, some of you may already have read this stirling piece of information delivery, others haven’t. Basically much like Grapevine supplies you with all you Union Entertainment news, The USSU newsletter provides you with all your general students’ union news & info: Sign up today (identically to grapevine) at ussu.co.uk/ grapevine January 23rd - January 29th Monday Chancellor’s Cocktail Night 23rd

Tuesday Chance or’s Cha enge: ... ll ll 1st Prize£ ??Last time: Tree & Piers attempt to run a quiz! in Chancellor’s no less! 24th 8pm - £1 per person in a team Don’t Forget to All entry money goes towards the Quiz Cash Prize! Bring A Pen... Wednesday 25th

Thursday Open Mic Night in Chancell or’s 26th Hellenic Soc Rubix

Chav Night Friday £2 Advance, £3 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards 27th No Fun Tax Applies... Saturday Chinese New Year 28th Rubix 7:00pm - 2:00am - £3, Tickets From Union Shop

Some of the best live bands around right on your door- Sunday step 29th 7:30pm Rubix 24 January 2006 OH YEAH! THE ENTS PLANNER 13 ACTION HEALTH WEEK! This week is also action HEALTH week. A week crammed full of healthy ideas that aren’t all about stuffing yourself with lentils & jogging 3 times a day. go to actionhealth.co.uk and find out all the things that are going on in this extraganza of health! January 30th - February 5th Monday Chancellor’s Cocktail Night 30th

featuring: Tuesday Rex Boyd, Paul Sinha 31st & Guests

Wednesday 1st

Thursday Open Mic Night in Chancell or’s 2nd Unified in Rubix

It’s Friday! Friday £2 Advance, £3 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards 3rd Tickets from the union shop

Saturday ART ATTACK! ussu.co.uk/grapevine Tease 4th Rubix 9:30pm - 2:00am

Sunday Stella Screen Free Film in the HRB 8pm 5th 14 MUSIC 24 January 2006 The Arts Section, as usual, starts off with music. The Next CD Hand-out for Music Reviews will be Tuesday 24th January at 1pm (The day this paper comes out actually...) - If you can’t make that e-mail [email protected] and lovely music people will help you out!

SYSTEM OF A DOWN TRACY + THE PLASTICS Hypnotize Culture For Pigeons Sony BMG Too Pure Records

For those who are not in the know, I think before I start this review I should this is the second part of a two album say something. I’m not sure quite what set, the first being ‘Mezmerize’, which though… Having listened to the music entered on the billboard’s top 200 side of the debut DualDisc by Tracy + albums at numero uno, six months ago. The Plastics entitled ‘Culture For Pigeons’ Having got the first album, which was I was left at a loss for words, apart from full of politically charged ferocious rock, ‘baffled’, ‘okay…’ and ‘huh?!’. I subse- I was looking forward to reviewing quently turned the disc over to watch ‘Hypnotize’, to see if it was comparable to the first. Indeed, as ever with the two ‘programmes’ on the DVD side, System, I was not disappointed. It is just as experimental and still maintains and had to lie down in a dark room while I recovered from a very surreal the ability to entertain and delight, and more importantly the power to rock experience... the sense out of you. It’s not often you come across a lesbian feminist video artist who writes Lyrically this is very much an attack on the state of affairs across the pond, post-modern electronica and performs it under a pseudonym with two ‘vir- mainly surrounding war and American society. Never compromising and tual’ fictitious band members who are also part of the alter ego, who repre- always outspoken, with lyrics such as ‘crack pipes, needles, PCP and fast cars, sent different aspects of a personality… but it’s nice when you do! Kind of mix well in a dead movie star’, a stab at movie star extravagance, I Tracy (aka Wynne Greenwood) is definitely an artist-of-sorts. The crazy, believe. The two albums’ packaging are specially designed to fit together sparse electronica is interesting, clever, and beautiful at times, but it is within as one piece of artwork, which is the work of Vartan Malakian who is the her videos that the true meaning of the music emerges. Keyboard, pro- father of SOAD guitarist/singer Daron. They also go hand in hand musically as grammed drums and vocals is just about all you get for the whole album, but ‘Soldier Side’ completes ‘Soldier Side Intro’ from Mezmerize. against all odds, Culture For Pigeon manages to stay interesting. The whole al- Very few bands can genuinely pull off the title ‘genre-defying’ and still bum has a very chilled-out vibe, and although some tracks are more dance- produce provocative and relevant music. System of a Down does this and orientated than others, the general feel stays altogether mellow. does it well, with elements of a whole handful of different genres combined The term ‘open-minded’ is very important here – If you like arty stuff, then to make their own distinct sound. you’ll probably appreciate CFP, but if the idea of badly edited student 5/5 Sam Carney movies with pigeons, elephants and three girls talking about crap scares you then beware! 3/5 Patrick Hunter

KATE BUSH JOYA Aerial Get Me On A Road EMI RedBetty Records

Well, crazy Kate is up to he old tricks To be honest, with a name like ‘Joya’ I again with her atmospheric and generally wasn’t expecting much. Some crappy quite quirky new double album, ‘Aerial’. Sugababes wannabes maybe - But no! It’s divided into ‘A Sea of Honey’ and How wrong I was. ‘A Sky of Honey’ where the former is Joya are good. I couldn’t find a lot of classic Kate Bush – high and etheral and information about them, but they’re kind of mysterious. The tracks on this Welsh, they’re sort-of-alt-country, and half reflect her unique choice of song they’re good. Even my Dad thinks so. subjects, one being washing machines Something which is much less common and the other, Pi (the number, it’s not a typo of the food) where she recites a nowadays, is the ability to produce an album that just sounds good when load of numbers, but after looking at the lyrics, they must mean something… you hear it for the first time. Not mind-blowing necessarily, but adequate Well, they might not actually, knowing Kate. Anyway, the track, ‘Bertie’ which enough to make you say ‘rather good don’t you think?’ and put it on again. is about her son (can you guess what his name is?) has been written as a sort I want to say ‘pleasant-driving-home-on-a-dark-wet-cold-evening-music’ but of commercial, Renaissance pastiche which actually works very well. The that’s too vague. I also want to say ‘Coldplay’ but somehow that’s wrong second half of the album sounds as if you’re listening to Lemon Jelly – sort too. Not heavy, mellow-ish, slightly jazzy, Keane, Toploader, Supergrass, of repetitive, but catchy and ambient. It also includes lots of blackbird and Steve Harley – now we’re getting slightly closer. owl samples if that’s your thing. If you’ve only ever heard her hit, ‘Wuthering The fine use of piano on Lately and Do Something Good, promotes Joya Heights’ from 1978 then you might say, “Yeah but does she only ever write to ‘mature rock band’ status, whilst a frequently used string and more songs about tragic heroins from 19th century literature?” The answer is no, interestingly brass section really add to the songs and make them more no she doesn’t. Sorry. But after listening to her lyrics you will find they’re in attractive in my opinion. Awesome opener, ‘A Place’ is not dissimilar to ‘God fact, very poetic and wouldn’t look out of place in a modern poetry book Put A Smile…’ but with trumpet, while piano-led ‘Lately’ has a chilled-out which is kind of different for a songwriter. If you’re a fan you’ll probably like Keane feel with some blue notes thrown in. Not heavily produced and this, but if not then I wouldn’t rush out too soon. sounding a little amateur at times, you could easily lose this CD in the glove 3/5 Nicole Heel compartment/behind the sofa/in the bin, but you shouldn’t. This band has potential, and I think there’s something deeper in ‘Get Me On A Road’ that isn’t immediately obvious. 3/5 Patrick Hunter 24 January 2006 MUSIC 15 The ultimate guide to new bands in 2006 As will this next band. I did a review of ‘Tragedy Rocks’ some time ago in Barefacts, and I couldn’t get enough of Davey and his glorious music. Now it seems that The Crimea are Patrick Hunter delves into the hellishly scary world of up and coming new bands…. getting right into this music business lark, and are getting played by… everyone! ‘Lottery Winners On Acid’ was released on the 9th January, and there are plenty more releasable Seeing as Barefacts is always frantically looking for people to write something in its tracks on the album. They really are a good band. Download a couple of tracks if you don’t silky, sensuous pages, I thought I’d pleasure you all with a taste of what I think is going to believe me (‘White Russian Galaxy’ & ‘Babyboom’ will make you happy for sure). dominate the music scene in the forthcoming year (that’s 2006). If you’re anything like me, A gamblin’ man I ain’t, but The Mystery Jets are 11-8 in the Lamacq Live Grand National: you’ll love the thrill of discovering a new band and having spent months trying to convince the favourite to be the most popular band of 2006. With a load of dates coming up, they must people they’re going to be huge, watching smugly as they do indeed (become huge), and appeal to somebody, and there’s absolutely no reason why they shouldn’t. Simple & likeable, shouting “Ha ha! Told you so you big fat loser” at them all. I don’t have many friends this Blackpool export have influences including King Crimson, The Kinks and Mozart, and anymore, but do I care? No! As long as I’ve got a packet of Jaffa cakes and an internet shouldn’t fail to impress in 2006. connection, I can listen to music all day, everyday. Ha. That’ll show ’em. Morning Runner is another band which may very well make it big this year. They’ve been And so it begins. My ultimate guide to buying music in 2006. Obviously there will be compared to Keane (isn’t everyone?), but I think they’re much heavier, and a little more some exceptions; who would have thought Antony & The Johnsons would beat all the good ramshackle. They’ve supported Athlete, Ian Brown, and even Coldplay, but have yet to make artists in the Mercury Music Prize? And I’m not even mentioning that stupid frog. Yet I just the big leap into the realms of their colleagues. I don’t like them though. Their drummer did. Idiot. I hope to (briefly – I don’t like writing) mention some names that will be new to plays too loud… you, and some that you already know, and take a glimpse at anything else exciting that may As well as having a brilliant name, The National Trust are a superb band. This Chicago- be the cream on the scone of 2006. Enjoy… based band are chilled-out, mellow but with an edge. Think My Morning Jacket parents So the Arctic Monkeys. What’s the deal with them? They’ve already graced our charts with having illicit affairs with Fleetwood Mac whilst poking the Eagles with a spoon, and there ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor’ and they have an album coming out very soon you have a recipe for success. indeed (23rd January). But are they actually good? I’ve heard mixed opinions, albeit from Truth be told, I could go on writing this forever (“noooooooooooooooooooo!” I hear you the group of people I heard talking about them in scream) as there actually seems to be a surplus of quality bands being discovered this year. Kingston High Street. We know that they’re from I haven’t mentioned the Rifles, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Komakino (Joy Division- Sheffield, we know they look very young, but esque – Johnny Borrell is a fan), The Pippettes (“50s kitsch girl group”), The Sunshine are they worth exposing your precious ears to? Underground… There’s flippin’ loads of them. I have delicately stroked the top of the Computer says no, but I say BLAMANGE! barrel with a post-it note, leaving a lot of potential waiting to emerge from the sinister (that’s a yes). Their second single ‘When The depths. I hope I have at least given you some idea about what to look out for, but my Sun Goes Down (Scummy Man)’ is really very advice is to be adventurous – if you hear a song that you like by an unknown band, go and good indeed. A slow (in tempo) start bursts into investigate. You may be very pleasantly surprised. a fantastic riff with an awesome energy to the whole thing. This could easily be played ‘on Download fun… the dancefloor’ (pun #1), but could also have Something else that warrants a little mention is a website called www.last.fm. (Editor’s thousands of fans jumping up and down at note: There’s already a USSU Group called... ‘USSU’ for us Surrey-ites) You can Glastonbury, where I can almost guarantee download a special player onto your computer, and then with the help of the website, use they’ll play (or would play… *sigh*). From it to listen to a personalised radio station which only plays the music you want to hear. what I’ve heard, this band are very good, but with You can play by the type of music you want to listen to (Electronica, Punk etc) but you the impending release of the album ‘Whatever can also type in a band you like, and it will play music like that particular artist. It’s People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not’, we shall very cool, and a great way to discover new bands / artists that you may not have thought see… about before. Carl Barat’s new band, Dirty Pretty Things is sure Last but not least, 2006 will undoubtedly be a huge year for the digital music market. to cause a stir, while the new Streets album will With iPods still selling like hotcakes, and legal downloads being offered by almost attract lots of fuss. Muse are set to release another everyone, there’s no stopping the digital music revolution, and whilst CDs won’t be album this year, but there’s no news on that yet. The demoted to home-made snow shoes for your cat quite yet, it’s getting pretty scary… new Roxy Music, Prince and Whitney Housten albums Music download bigwigs have predicted MP3s being offered by record companies by will pass us by with just a wisp of commotion, but the end of this year, and an increase in availability of such files through subscriptions, Keane’s eagerly awaited second album (due to be legal file sharing and low quality, free recordings. Watch this/that space! released in May) will muster up more of a scene I’m sure. So what have we learned? I don’t know. Long live Take That. Now when I heard ‘Fill My Little World’ by the Feeling, I thought it was jolly good; “A light-hearted, Keane-esque-but-not-really-like- them-at-all, kinda-Maroon-Five-ish track with metric tonnes of potential” went through my mind. I then heard another track, ‘Sewn’, on T4 over Christmas, and it’s bloody good I tell you. These guys are good, and I think people are smart enough to realise. They’ll appeal to your teenage girls (not YOUR teenage girls necessarily), but Download of the Fortnight: also to more mature music appreciators – their lyrics are good, and their songs are brilliant. Taking Back Sunday - A Decade Under the Influence What’s not to like? http://www.takingbacksunday.com/Taking Back Sunday Oxford band, The Young Knives have been nibbling at the ears of a fine selection of music Taking Back Sunday are making a new album, but in the mean time lovers. A little like Supergrass, a little like the Futureheads, a passion for cheese and strolling have a listen to this track. They may get classed as ‘emo’ but don’t around parks, and lyrics like “I’m the prince of Wales, I’m the Prince of Wales, and if all else let that fool you, full of compelling riffs and intricate harmonies fails I’m the Prince of Wales” are sure to get The Young Knives some attention this year. this song (and indeed, album) is better than anything NME have When plan A fails, it’s best to try ‘Plan B’, as many will over the coming months. Crisp Hip Hop beats and intertwining MCing may seem too familiar, but there’s lots of hype about favoured recently. this group and I’m willing to bet they’ll be gracing our airwaves soon enough. (check out the Ollie Ghaney crazy ass vid too!- eds.) 16 GIG REVIEWS 24 January 2006

Oh! ‘ave a banana! Don’t ‘ave a banana, man...

BEN FOLDS RAY LAMONTAGNE Brixton Academy Warwick Arts Centre 13th December 2005 15th November 2005

Ben Folds. Fact or fiction? A good question you may ask. But is it (a good Ray is an emerging singer songwriter from Maine, New England who question)? No. Not really. But seriously – how does he do it? Sold out has wowed critics both in the states and in the UK. On Sunday 15th of shows all over the UK, millions of fans worldwide…The answer is: Because November, Ray’s tour of the UK brought him to Warwick Arts Centre. The he’s freakin’ excellent! gig opened with support from the effortlessly delightful Kathryn Williams. Brixton Academy. Sold out. I was there. Standing right at the very…middle, With tunes such as ‘Little Black Numbers’ and a beautiful cover of Neil waiting for Ben Folds to step onto the stage. The support band, The Young’s ‘Birds’ her whistful melancholy lulled the audience in to an uphoric Maccabees were given a mixed reception; my friend liked them, I didn’t. stupour, paving the way perfectly for Mr Lamontagne. C’est la vie. And then…the moment we’d all been waiting for…[cut to No doubt every audience member was well acquainted with his debut narrator]: album ‘Trouble’, even so, when he begun to sing, jaws dropped. All Ivory-tinkling Folds started off in a three piece band called Ben Folds Five. present were aware they were witnessing something special. His voice Many years later, and he’s on his own (with a new band), still creating is incredible! With out doubt the best voice around! He could sing the beautiful music. nutritional details from the back of a can of beans and make you weep And…we’re back in the room. The moment he walked on, the from the poignancy of it all. Trying to describe it in words is a lost cause- crowd went mental, and from the awesome opener ‘Bastard’ (from the the closest resemblance is that of Ben Ottewell’s voice (the husky dude new album, ‘Songs For Silverman’) until the series of encores including form Gomez). In stark contrast to his powerful and heart wrenchingly ‘One Angry Dwarf’, he had everyone audibly addicted. Playing a mixture of impassioned vocal performance, in between songs he was extremely timid. new (charming ‘Jesusland’ and new single, ‘Landed’), old (superb ‘Rockin’ Even sitting front row centre I had to strain to hear him speaking. Rather than The Suburbs’ and interactive ‘Not The Same’) and even older (The classic being irritating, this was a refreshing change from the norm, and reinforced ‘Philosophy’ and of course, the beautiful ‘Brick’), Ben proved to fans that he the authenticity of his performance. Anyway, I hate all that rubbish people still has it, and showed Ben Folds virgins why he is simply one of the best say in between songs, attempting ‘small talk’, it really grinds my gears! musicians/performers/entertainers today. Ray performed most of the track from ‘Trouble’. ‘Jolene’ and ‘Hold You In Next time he’s in the UK, go see him. Just do it. Even if it’s just to hear My Arms’ were particularly memorable, as well as an alternative moody his version of ‘Bitches Ain’t Shit’. Dr. Dre would be so proud. version of ‘How Come’. The magnificent ‘All The Wild Horses’ had everyone 5/5 Patrick Hunter holding their breath for fear of missing one moment. In summary, a truly fantastic gig. 4.5/5 Jonathan Fletcher

NOMINATIONS NOW OPEN!

See Page 10 or ussu.co.uk/elections for details 24 January 2006 FILM & BALLET 17 Edward Scissorhands (The Ballet) Created by Tim Burton Music by Danny Elfman (arrangements and additional music by Terry Davies) Choreographed by Matthew Bourne Sadler’s Wells Running until 4th February 2006

Well, this cult classic has finally been brought to life, albeit as a ballet, but that’s what makes it so special! It’s been a long time coming since the film first graced our screens in 1990 with Johnny Depp philandering about cutting hedges, dogs’ hair – and women’s hair – with, yep, you guessed it, scissorhands… Although this adaptation doesn’t follow the film’s storyline exactly (there’s no “Avon calling!”) it still has much to offer. Matthew Bourne (famous for his all male version of Swan Lake) has blended tradition, moves not unfamiliar with West Side Story fans, popular dance, and general stage directions to create a somewhat musical play without words – does that make sense? Because of the ethereal, tinkling, music box feel of Danny Elfman’s music, the film translates into dance very easily, with the music from the thematic ‘Ice Dance’ assisting in the expression of the feelings from the film through dance itself. Sam Archer danced splendidly as Edward as did Kerry Biggin as Kim Boggs, the object of his affection. The distinctive characters from the films have been made into families but this only emphasises the repressed, suburbia feel from the film because of the interaction between the cast. And the fact that no one from the neighbourhood seems to think it strange that Edward has scissors for hands – apart from Kim – is still humorously executed. Yes this sounds like a completely crazy thing to go see but I highly recommend it! 4/5 Nicole Heel The future of hairdressing The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion , the Witch and the Wardrobe Directed by Andrew Adamson Rated PG (ooooh no, some mild terror!)

The tagline for this film was, ‘The beloved masterpiece comes to life’, and that pretty much sums up this adaptation quite well. It has managed to hang on to the plot and the intrinsic magic of C.S.Lewis’ original trilogy (although hardcore fans may be heard to whisper ‘that’s not right!’ every now and then) whilst making it fast paced and exciting enough to capture the audience’s attention right to the very (cheesy) end. For those of you who SaturdaySaturday 28th28th JJanuaryanuary don’t know, the story starts with four children being evacuated during WWII to a big old house, where the youngest one hides in a wardrobe during a 7.30pm7.30pm –– 2am2am game of hide and seek. She then happens to fall out of the back of it into the snow covered world of Narnia where she meets a half man half deer, Mr. Tumnus, and finds out that a wicked Ice Witch has stolen rule of the place from a lion called Aslan. Eventually her siblings go with her, there’s a huge fight and they save Narnia. That’s a very abbreviated version! Back to the film, where the acting was excellent, the casting was down to a t, the wardrobe and props department excelled themselves and the special effects were Tickets £3 in advance from mesmerizing. This film definitely set a new standard for films aimed at children, although it entertains adults just as much, and will definitely be up for best picture come Oscar night. Go back to your youth and take a look at this film, even if it is just to see the huge climactic battle scene. Fantastic stuff. 4/5 Beth Heale 18 LITERATURE 24 January 2006 “Almost French, A New Life in Paris”, it takes time to befriend the Parisians and how attached the French are to Sarah Turbull the region they grew up in. Sarah Turnbull presents a fair, and warm story, Nicholas Brealey Publishing dispelling some French stereotypes, and proving others. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole book, particularly the sections on fashion On her backpacking travels around Europe, 20 something Australian, (namely haute couture), Parisian women, food and the general descriptions Sarah Turnbull, meets Frenchman, Frederic, who invites her to Paris for a of Paris and it’s many “arrondissements”, or neighbourhoods. There is a lot of week. A week turns into eight years as she finds herself married to Frederic attention to detail, with every place, and throwing out her beloved tracksuit bottoms in a bid to look more person and object described to sophisticated in one of the most fashion conscious capitals of the world! paint a vivid picture in the mind of Relocating to another country proves to be quite a trial for Sarah Turnbull as the reader. she comes across inevitable differences in culture and a different way of life “Almost French, a New Life in Paris” which are at first testing, but which she comes to embrace. is an easy read, and if you plan to This non-fiction novel offers an insightful and often witty account from an visit France, expat’s point of view. We follow her on her journey as she commits faux pas or Paris for a prolonged period ranging from being too gregarious at swank parties and not pampering her of time, then definitely give pooch to the Parisian standard to wearing her “pantaloons de jogging” on this book a read, after all, her early morning run to the bakery (wrong, wrong, wrong!) and laughing you never know, a week’s too loudly! Things that she takes for granted in Sydney are not quite so stay might just turn acceptable in Paris, but she comes to learn, understand and accept how into eight years… things work. Satnam Sokhy Over the years, she gets work as a freelance journalist, learns how to conduct herself at Parisian dinner parties and how to evade strict planning permission laws. She also gets used to the heavy bureaucracy and waiting her turn in the cheese shop. Eventually, Sarah becomes accustomed to the French way of life and overcomes her difficulties to become almost French. Right: This is a book, you can This book would appeal to anyone who has an interest in France, and in find them in the library particular, Paris. It is educational, without being patronising or disrespectful towards the French. Each chapter is informative, and I for one learnt a number of things that I wasn’t aware of before, such as why in many cases

• Karting • Mini Motos • OFFER STUDENT EXCLUSIVE 50% OFF O p e n T i m e d For the ride of your life get down to one of our many fantastic Indoor Karting centres and experience all the excitement of high speed karting. TeamSport Race Sessions Karting centres are open 7 days a week for both daytime and evening racing. As the UK’s largest indoor karting company we have a centre near you. 0870 6000 601 WAS Call or visit our website: www.team-sport.co.uk £25 + £2 insurance To qualify for this offer you must be a student in full-time or further education over 16 years of age and present a NOW ONLY valid student card/NUS card upon arrival. Please mention you are a student when booking. This discount cannot £12.50 + £2 insurance be used in conjunction with any other offer. 24 January 2006 FASHION 1199 A New Year, A New Wardrobe 2005 was a great year for fashion. With it came the arrival of the skinny jeans, knee high boots, over sized sunglasses and whatever else Sienna Miller was spotted looking fabulous in. We can only hope this year will experience as many fashion do’s as it did last year. However like any other year 2005, of course, experienced quite a few of those dreaded ‘dont’s’. With our favourite high street shops designing the spring collection we thought what better way to celebrate a new year of fi erce style and sophistication, then to hold a fashion show. But more about that later.

First, here are our ideas of what went right and what went wrong in 2005: T h e G o o d , T h e B A D

PRIMARK: we’ve all heard about it and most of us (girls mainly!) are wearing it. Gone GOLD: it started off as the classiest colour of the season. Sleek, sophisticated and sultry, it are the days where we look both ways, check we haven’t been seen by anyone and quickly soon became overused and wherever you’d look there would be something gold staring back scramble into a Primark. Now we walk in, unphased we are entering into perhaps the at you. Don’t get us wrong we’re not saying the gold phenomenon was bad it’s just the way cheapest clothes shop on the high street. This is because in 2005 no longer the question it was dragged on and misused by many people. between fashionists has been “who’s it by?” but instead, “how much?”. Admittedly it is not advisable to deck out your whole wardrobe full of just Primark goodies because as we all FUR: no no no no no. know there are some horrors instore. But yeah I think most of you would agree 2005 has been Primark’s year. BOHO: at the start of 2005 boho chic was everywhere, most of us were wearing it and the rest of us were reading about it in countless fashion magazines. But it soon got old…. all SHRUGS: there’s been the woven types, the sequinned types, the crocheted types and they good things come to an end. all fl ew off the shelves in 2005. The perfect accessory for any girl, both during the day and at night.

BLACK: it came back! Yes black came back into fashion late into 2005 and luckily it’s & T H E U G LY staying. This is the colour which can almost always go with anything and looks the most expensive. The best thing about black is that is allows us to accessorize madly which brings us on to our next point.

JEWELLERY: with some good accessorising an awful outfi t can be turned around almost instantly. It’s that gift that a funky necklace or a cool belt has to add that something extra and different to an outfi t. Throughout 2005 we’ve seen lots of good accessories, mainly in the form of ethnic jewellery and beads.

We’re not implying Clint’s ugly. He’s a chiseled gent who’d protect you & perform other manly tasks. Like chopping wood. 2006 - THE FUTURE: Kimonos, chunky rings, pretty fl ats, white….. to name a few of the hot trends of spring/summer 06. To get the fi rst look of these seasons must haves Thurs 9th Feb will be your perfect opportunity! Big Foot Enterprises are putting on a one off fashion show exclusively for University of Surrey Students. Doors open at nine and the show starts at ten. You will be treated to an evening full of entertainment and exclusives from shops such as Topshop, Monsoon, Animal, New Look and many more. Tickets are available now from the union shop at £3 advanced and £4 at the door. Check out our website for more info – www.bigfootenterprises.co.uk. Maybe you sported some of the ‘bad’ styles of 2005 but there’s no excuse to do the same this year. Our models are both male and female so whether you come to see the clothes or the models just make sure your there! 20 WE LOVE YOU 24 January 2006 barefacts is recruiting Why should you get involved in barefacts?

• Excellent journalism experience. • Gain knowledge of a professional publishing package. • Put your voice and your views across as a UniS student. • Be part of our success story. • It’s fun!

barefacts has been the University of Surrey Student Newspaper for years. It is an established part of student life at Surrey - and most people read it. By getting involved, you are not only gaining experience from working on one of the top student newspapers in the country, but you are also helping to shape the student voice.

Vacancies: • Layup Team - responsible for laying up articles and submissions using our professional publishing and design package. • Reporters - help students get the news from every corner of campus and Guildford. • Arts Writers - Review films, music, literature, theatre - anything arty. • Proof Readers - Not that we need them, barefacts never has typos. • Comment Writers - Hate reality TV? Have something to say on equality and diversity in society? Comment writing may be for you!

If you are interested in getting involved with your award-winning student newspaper, come along to our meetings, Wednesdays 1:30pm in the Union Committee Room, or email: [email protected] 24 January 2006 SOCIETIES 21 The Mass Debate In the wake of the newly established Politics Society, Josh Bates gives a commentary on their first event - a political question time- style debate in Chancellors on a Saturday night.

Hosted in association with the recently formed tuition fees”. Suzy (RESPECT) criticised the Politics Society, Debate Night, successfully took government’s introduction of top-up fees and place in Chancellors from 8-10pm Saturday 21 expressed concerns over the drop of admissions January and offered students the opportunity to from mature students. Flo (President) meanwhile debate “anything and everything” with the panel commented that top-up fees were “here to stay”. and audience alike. Topics of debate ranged from Democracy itself was questioned as one student Bethnal Green MP George Galloway’s appearance posed the question to the panel regarding its on Celebrity Big Brother to the monarchy, value, controversially citing Hitler’s Germany prostitution and – of course – student tuition fees. as an example of a dictatorship which efficiently The panel consisted of four members: Sophia turned a post-War depressed country around Hawkins (a Politics fresher and self-proclaimed (albeit taking the country to war at the same “neutral” panellist from the Politics Society itself – time…)! The panel carefully answered and who later came out as a Labour supporter), Rupert agreed that freedom, liberty and equality was Meddings (the new chair of the Conservative particularly important to society and that without Society plus Politics student), Chris Ward (the it the world may be a far worse off place. Liberal Democrat Society President, final year Prostitution, one of the final topics up for Computing) and Suzy Whiley (RESPECT The debate, concerned the possibility of so-called Unity Coalition representative - the night’s late prostitution “tolerance zones” in towns and arrival from the NUS). The event was hosted by George Galloway in the Big Brother house was one of many topics cities. The panel mainly agreed that prostitution Folarin “Flo” Oyeleye (USSU President) who also raised at the lively and well-attended debate. [and idea of tolerance zones] was “unethical” threw in his own two pence from time to time. and did not lend their support to the idea. Chris The night took off on a light-hearted note with Ward (LD) commented that there should be possibility of appealing towards “ordinary people” and a all panellists pledging support to the (now deceased) “poor “more support” for prostitutes rather than criminalisation and “younger audience” as very few people regularly watch Prime whale” that made its way into the River Thames over the Suzy, agreeing along a similar line, stressed the importance of Minister Question’s – though Flo (USSU President) chipped weekend. However, it wasn’t long before things began to heat “protection for women who end up in this situation”. Sophia in that Galloway would have known he was unable to air his up as the topic of debate moved towards the classification of (Lab) meanwhile commented on the lack of talk regarding views on TV so perhaps it was “pointless”. Cannabis, alcoholism and the recent resignation of Charles male escorts and her own views that it was perceived by On a related subject, young people and their involvement Kennedy. The panel seemed to agree that “adequate research” society as being “more degrading to woman than men” with politics was questioned and the panel seemed to disagree on the long-term effects of the drug had yet to be carried Much of the night’s topics of debate spilled over into other somewhat. Chris (LD) stressed the values of “engaging with out and Chris Ward (Liberal Democrat) offered the point subject areas, with various members airing their own personal young people on their own level”, Rupert (Con) however that drugs officers had evidence to support both sides of and party’s views on many of the featured topics of debate as noted the “overshadowing” from “celebrity culture” and the argument. Legalization at this point was considered an well as many others. The night attracted a large crowd, and Sophia (PolSoc) although agreeing with Chris aired her unfeasible option; with Sophia Hawkins (Neutral Panellist) participation from the audience grew as the night got longer. personal views that there should be “compulsory [politics] branding the idea that decriminalisation would reduce usage A quick fire round of three questions (to be answered with school classes for all from age 11 upwards”. Suzy questioned as “absolute rubbish”. only one sentence) followed and the panellists were given the whether young people’s disillusionment with politics was 24 hour drinking, commented on in the last 2005 edition opportunity to comment on Britain’s EU membership, whether more so concerned with politicians “not listening”, especially of barefacts, was yet another hotbed of debate splitting the the Tory party “was still considered to be the nasty party” over the Iraq war. panel into two groups. Rupert Meddings (Conservative) and and liberty over security. Whilst the first and last question Yet again continuing on the theme of young people, Sophia Hawkins (PolSoc) both argued against the pressures prompted similar answers form all panellists (working with another intense debate ensued over the monarchy – and their on not only retail staff, but A&E staff who must treat binge Europe – not ruled by it, and both liberty and security), relevance to both society and young people. Sophia (PolSoc) drinkers. Meanwhile, Suzy Whiley (RESPECT) and Chris question two sparked a mixed reaction. Whilst Rupert (Con) bled red and came out as a Labour supporter and labelled Ward (LD) countered that the public could be trusted to adopt slammed the Liberal Democrats as the “new nasty party” for the monarchy as being “stale and outdated”, with the need a “responsible attitude” and “integrate [24 hour drinking] Charles Kennedy’s alleged forced resignation, Sophia (Lab) to remove it to “bring the country forward” and remove “one into our culture successfully without the novelty of having claiming she “didn’t know there was one” and Chris (LD) of the most expensive monarchy’s in Europe”. Rupert (Con) to finish drinking before 11pm”. Charles Kennedy’s recent criticised the Conservatives for their “new liberal image” in contemplated the excitement over the Prince (we assume admission of alcoholism, and subsequent resignation as wake of their rejection of civil partnerships in 2004 and the Charles) becoming King as the Queen “entered the Autumn Liberal Democrat leader, caused more sympathy than Race Relations Act in 1965. Suzy meanwhile labelled the phase of her life” and the need for them to remain – especially controversy across the panel as Rupert (Con) slammed the Labour party as the “new nasty party”. given their charity work. Chris (LD) stressed their economic party’s problem as having an “alcoholic leader, whilst the rest The night began, and ended, a success and is possibly the worth whilst Suzy (RESPECT) attacked them as a “drain” of the party is anonymous”. first of many future debates and other Politics Society events and “parasites”. George Galloway’s Big Brother appearance led to a to come. Student Tuition Fees caused tension between the Liberal predictably supportive, if not lengthy answer, from Suzy Democrat and Conservative panellists. Whilst Rupert (Con) (RESPECT) regarding the party’s only MP making an [email protected] remained true to what the Tory’s have called a “wait and appearance on the celebrity edition of the popular Channel see” attitude to tuition fee policy – along with Sophia (Lab) Four show. Whilst Sophia (PolSoc) labelled the MP a “total – whilst Chris (LD) challenged Guildford MP Anne Milton prat” and “mockery” – with Rupert (Con) calling the situation to “come before Surrey students either in support, or against, a “double-headed spear”. Chris (LD) however noted the 22 PUZZLES 24 January 2006 The Baffling barefacts Astrology Following up from last month’s almost accurate astrology, barefacts ‘Oracles’ Josh Bates and Alan Terry tackle the back-to-semester movements of all your moons and stars whilst Soph’s Crystal Balls take a much needed drop... Aries Cancer Poisoning your boss may seem propa spelling and grammer. like an attractive option; how- Late festivities will herald forth a (March 21 - April 20) (June 21 - July 20) ever, you shall find loo roll – once final spell of the forgotten season You have the talent but the An impressive and unusual again – is your better friend. A of good will, simplicity and an motivation is a little lacking. You stranger will enter your life this search for faith may moisten your end to past confusion. A birth- need to think about what makes fortnight. They will be arrogant but armpits. day in your family may come as you tick. Buy a clock and watch realistic,intelligent but lazy, eas- a surprise. it every night for an hour before ily bored, easily offended, quick you go to bed. This will help. It to forgive, and quite emotional Scorpio will also help you if you drum on inside but not always on the (October 21 - November 20) Aquarius every available surface, espe- outside. Their first name will begin Avoid chocolate gateaux. You will (January 21 - February 20) cially in front of other people. with a vowel. crave it but you must not eat it. With the Moon rising up Uranus, Even though it would be so easy it is a time for caution. Yet I’m Taurus Leo to pop along to the supermarket sensing that you need more ex- and buy some, you must not. ercise. This will return your bowels (April 21 - May 20) (July 21 - August 20) Even though it’s not all that ex- to a more functional state. Your This week I see pain. Physical Stress will cause your breasts (or pensive and you’ll probably find insane fear of heights will cause pain. Avoid sharp kitchen utensils. moobs) to grow from a C cup to a nice special offer, you have to the usual problems whilst your You may have to restrict yourself EE. Cottage Cheese will persist in resist. Don’t give in to terror at open spaces and be- to baby food. Stay away from playing a crucial part of your love temptation, even though you ing cold will be intensified when construction sites. Move as little life. I predict a diet. know just how delicious it would you wake up naked in a field one as possible. Do not put on jew- be. Mmmmmm. morning. elry. Beware of the dog. Virgo (August 21 - September 20) Gemini I foresee a period of self-reflec- Sagittarius Pisces (November 21 - December 20) (February 21 - March 20) (May 21 - June 20) tion. This is no bad thing but don’t Muff may cause heartache or Affairs of the heart will cloud your Expect excess muff left over from get carried away. The only im- headache this Christmas. Find vision while Pluto taunts Saturn your birthday suit. Ginger cats portant thing is to be a little less time to pleasure yourself, as I feel with caprice. Howl at the moon will be unlucky for you this month. selfish. Friends are too valuable not many will want to: try purging on Tuesdays & Thursdays early Continue to lay off the rough gar- to be taken for granted. You will excess hair – let your naval be evenings to earn yourself a richer dening – the smell is deducting fart a lot in public this week. your beacon. audience. Be sure not to let from your pulling power. things build up – you’ll only end Libra up skidding. (September 21 - October 20) Capricorn (December 21 - January 20) Mercury is in your career zone. You will lose the ability to do

PERSONALS - In-jokes, get When you change the bins, your in-jokes here! Get ‘em beware of the bin-juice! while they’re irrelevant! This Time, it’s PERSONAL The cure for bureaucracy is Please don’t them...I thought apples. We all remember a time when personals took up you knew that? a whole page. Our cherished barefacts readers mmmm, where did you get would contribute many an embarrassing message, I think they should all be shot! your sexy green stripey pants and the personals page would flow with many many from?! Gina consequences of a pissed up night out. Service... Active Service... Katy’s back. And they’re bigger Radio... Active? Radioactive!? Look at the poor personals section to the left. It’s gray than ever before! - almost like a whale. If you don’t want it to suffer the same fate as the poor Thames swimmer, please send in I love you Amanda! Send your personals to your contributions. [email protected] barefacts: woof woof woof, oink oink [email protected] 24 January 2006 PUZZLES 23 Colin Everett, our very own puzzle-lord has crafted more things for you to do during that boring lecture. You’ll get the answer to the crossword next week (So you can’t cheat anymore... don’t pretend that you didn’t). The answers, as always, are on page 24 (The back one).

Clues Across: Clues Down: 1) Board game comprising 98 lettered tiles and a board 1) Deprive someone of food. (6) of 225 squares. (8) 2) Clerk counts 20R in rear. (Cryptic) (9) 5) What Monty Python’s ‘Norwegian Blue’ was said to 3) Soft, light wood, used in modelling. (5) be pining for. (6) 4) One of the plagues sent to Egypt, aimed at freeing 9) Parsley-related herb, with green or white flowers. (8) the Isrealites. (6) 10) This Knight was accompanied by her Pips. (6) 6) Marine creature. For example: Portuguese man-of- 12) View tee in travel document. (Cryptic) (5) war. (9) 13) Plot Southern Conservative border. (Cryptic) (5 - 4) 7) Diameter halves. (5) 14) Pens Tungsten ceremonies. (Cryptic) (6) 8) Expectation; Anticipation. (8) 16) Hangs around; Lingers. (7) 11) and 19 ac. Vicar played by Graham Norton in 19) See 11 down. Father Ted. (4, 7) 21) Morals; Standards. (6) 15) Type of internal-combustion engine typically found 23) People who are biased in favour of relatives when in chain-saws and jetskis. (3, 5) it comes to promotions. (9) 17) A moving stairway comprising metal steps attached 25) To give birth to a calf; To break at the edge. (5) to a conveyor belt. (9) 26) The source for your writing before biros and 18) Hundredths of Germany’s pre-Euro currency. (8) fountain pens were invented. (3, 3) 20) The general points of a complex plan. (4) 27) Collections of Internet pages. (8) 21) Manager of the Beatles: Brian ------. (7) 28) The University for which Barefacts is the Official 22) Container; Boat. (6) student’s publication (Yes, I know this isn’t very 24) Rod used to stir a fire. (5) difficult. But I’m tired, and can’t think of a cleverer 25) Class; Status. (5) way to have this as the answer. Can you do better?) (6) 29) Anti-derivative of collapsed triangle. (Cryptic) (8) O A H A K I C A R A C T A C U S M A U C E H M I N E R A L A L R O E N P N U L Y T I N F E R N A L E R C R S THE MODERATELYV N I P F E RFREAKIN’G O U S P N O MAZEN O Y U S U D O K U Q E O O N O H T A R A M E S B L K O Place numbers in the empty boxes so you have numbers 1-9 in each row & U I G T U N I F O R M H C E A A E L coloum, and 1-9 in each 3x3 square. Duh. Sorry.. ‘Duh’ is a mean thing to say

A F A E U G U F A L T A 0 7 5 7 S 0 2 2 7 I 5 6 7 7 B F 6 0 7 R 0 2 5 6 L 8 6 4 7 A 0 2 4 7 F 6 7 6 0 2 9 4 D O B N T S R D T L I H T T Y G S B R R A U C A O L A G E N U I L E C A A M L S C X B I E O E S P R O T I R T I U E N C M L E R U O I A N N T A I U S C S O E S E I G O N I I I S P C O R A N A N F L I G L A L A R O H A C F I N E F V R M R A F U N R R A L N B N S I R C A R A D O C L A C L I O B N D O M E L F I R R E S U A M N O O L R E T A W I T F E P I M U U A N I M A L C U L O U S I A N C I X IT’S A SEARCH-FOR-WORDS! Word List O A H A K I C A R A C T A C U S M A ------ACROSTICS U C E H M I N E R A L A L R O E N P ANIMAL ANIMALCULOUS N U L Y T I N F E R N A L E R C R S BABYLONIAN BINOMIALTHEOREM V N I P F E R G O U S P N O N O Y U CARACTACUS Q E O O N O H T A R A M E S B L K O CUNEIFORM DIFFERENTIAL U I G T U N I F O R M H C E A A E L ELEGIACS FUGUE A F A E U G U F A L T A S I B R L A HELIOGABALUS HYPOTENUSE D O B N T S R D T L I H T T Y G S B INFERNAL R R A U C A O L A G E N U I L E C A INFORMATION INTEGRAL A M L S C X B I E O E S P R O T I R KINGARTHUR MARATHON T I U E N C M L E R U O I A N N T A MAUSERRIFLE I U S C S O E S E I G O N I I I S P MINERAL NONSENSE C O R A N A N F L I G L A L A R O H PARABALOUS PARADOX A C F I N E F V R M R A F U N R R A PECULIARITIES PINAFORE L N B N S I R C A R A D O C L A C L QUADRATICAL I O B N D O M E L F I R R E S U A M SIRCARADOC UNIFORM N O O L R E T A W I T F E P I M U U VEGETABLE A N I M A L C U L O U S I A N C I X

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Word List ------ACROSTICS ANIMAL ANIMALCULOUS BABYLONIAN BINOMIALTHEOREM PDF CcAreaRACtedTACUSwith pdfFactory trial version www.pdffactory.com CUNEIFORM DIFFERENTIAL ELEGIACS FUGUE HELIOGABALUS HYPOTENUSE INFERNAL INFORMATION INTEGRAL KINGARTHUR MARATHON MAUSERRIFLE MINERAL NONSENSE PARABALOUS PARADOX PECULIARITIES PINAFORE QUADRATICAL SIRCARADOC UNIFORM VEGETABLE WATERLOO

PDF created with pdfFactory trial version www.pdffactory.com 24 SPORT 24 January 2006 Think your sport should adorn this page? Write us an article or a match report and send it in to [email protected]. Ecuador Wins UniS World Cup Neil Boulton leaving the tournament. The 12 remaining teams (Ivory Coast, Thanks go out to all the players for making a day a success Mexico, Tunisia, Holland, Turkey, Ghana, Ecuador, Germany, and all the staff at UniSPORT & USSU who also made the day November may seem like months ago (Hold on… it was USA, Costa Rica, France & England) were divided into 4 possible. This event was supported by the Football Foundation months ago) but this is the first barefacts since the event groups playing off for a place in the quarter finals. Pretty and Kick It Out. took place. On a very cold Sunday 180 students took to the much everyone, the team themselves included, were amazed Astroturf pitches alongside the varsity centre to compete in the by Germany’s progress to the quarter finals – especially UniS World Cup 7-a-side Football Tournament. The 18 teams considering they hadn’t scored a single goal in the tournament these 180 students formed were each assigned a country to thus far (The team consistently survived on penalties). Two play for in a classic ‘names out of hat’ selection process, and teams beat off the competition to make it to the Cup finial, and as the tournaments name suggests all the countries represented those teams were Holland & Ecuador. have made it through to this summers’ World Cup tournament. Darkness fell and provided the backdrop for an epic final Upon arrival at the varsity each team was given different match - Just when you thought one team had the upper hand colour shirts baring the name of their given country and waited on the other the tables spun ‘round! It was amazing that neither for the tournament to begin. The more sensible teams used team conceded a goal! Full time found both teams still on a this time to warm up and practice on the pitches, while other level pegging and unfortunately the intense extra time still teams loitered around the edges contemplating how truly cold yielded no victor. This meant only one thing – Penalties. With it was that day (I have to admit I was guilty of this). The first the tension ever increasing one team finally managed to beat stage saw Italy, Brazil, Japan, South Korea, Spain & Australia the deadlock with Ecuador winning in a sudden death situation. Ecuador, Victorious S u r r e y Football Beats Imperial University of Surrey 1st 1-0 Imperial college of London 1st At this stage it looked like Surrey would go on to win by 3 or would have killed the game, and Imperial sensed they could (23rd November 2005) by Paul Godson 4 goals, but as the half wore on Imperial grew in confidence, get something out of the game, piling the pressure on Surrey and their nippy forwards and the 7 foot Karel Poborsky in for the final 20 minutes. Joe replaced Luke and slotted into Surrey put in an immense performance to restore Surrey pride midfield started to cause Surrey a few problems, without Luke’s role easily, protecting the back 4. Tobie produced a and complete the double over Imperial to move out of the creating any clear cut chances. At this stage Surrey had gone great save after 75 minutes to deny the equaliser, with the bottom 2 in the league. The team that started was the same as to sleep a bit, seemingly paying more attention to the lovely follow up shot hitting the outside of the post, and the Imperial the previous week against Sussex, with B and Joe Duffy on the ladies on the sideline than to the game, and the play became striker should have done better with a header on 80, but bench. slightly more ragged. Then on 40 minutes Imperial had a his weak effort drifted wide. Poborsky was being expertly This was a must-win game for Surrey, playing the bottom golden opportunity to equalise when some slick play found marshalled by Jack, and although he did manage a couple of team in the league who we had beaten 4-0 in the opening their forward unmarked six yards out with only Tobie to beat. good runs and speculative shots from outside the area, Surrey’s game of the season. Everyone was fired up in the changing Just when it looked like a certain goal, Luke came sliding in defence stood firm and never really looked like conceding. room and in the warm up and this showed right from kick off from nowhere to make the tackle of the season to dispossess F-T: 1 - 0 as we nicked the ball off them straight away and launched him, and the ball was scrambled clear. A lot more than this An awesome display from Surrey against a much improved attack after attack in the first 10 minutes. Imperial were clearly happened in the 1st half, but it’s too much for me to write Imperial side, with every player on the pitch giving 110%. rattled and low on confidence having not picked up any points about: H-T: 1 - 0 Hopefully we can take this performance into next week’s game in their previous 4 matches, and seemed to be waiting for The second half saw Surrey regain their shape and at home to Essex and get another 3 points. the inevitable to happen. And it did not take long for Surrey composure, and start to boss the midfield again. Craig picked Man of Match: James (coach) mentioned 2 players who to make their dominance count, Jim setting up Tommy who up an injury after 60 minutes and was replaced by B, who did stood out this week, Chris Thomas and Jack White, and you finished well into the corner of the goal. Several more chances well up front, holding up the ball and making some probing can’t really argue with that, if you cut them they would bleed followed in quick succession, with Craig and Luke both passes. However, Surrey failed to get the second goal that yellow and blue and they were both rock solid. coming close to adding to the scoreline. SportscoachUK Equity in Your identify and challenge inequitable behaviour PUZZLE ANSWERS: READ UNDER ADVISEMENT Coaching Workshop And on completion of this workshop, the participants were Answers to Crossword in Issue 1095: able to: Across: 9) Austria 10) Lantern 11) Dubious 12) Excrete 13) Parachute On Monday 21st November, UniSport and the Students Discuss the range of issues that affect minority sections 15) Nylon 16) Swallow 19) Saucers 20) Haiku 21) Euphrates 25) Union hosted an Equity in Sport workshop, aimed at of the community in terms of barriers to participation in Bombard 26) Command 28) Rectory 29) Entrees students and staff who are involved in coaching or part of sport. Down: 1) Paid up 2) Isobar 3) Ergo 4) Nassau 5) Clueless 6) And a sporting team. The evening was a huge success with representatives from conquer 7) Reveille 8) Antennas 14) Calculator 16) Schubert 17) A bit The aims of this workshop were: UniSport and student and external sports teams. much 18) Weekdays 22) Packet 23) Thames 24) Sadist To make students aware of the issues relating to equitable For more information on our workshops please contact opportunity in sport for all sections of the community. Vicki Hansford @ Unisport. Tel: 01483 689975 explain what equity means and why it is important This event was supported by the Football Foundation and identify barriers to participation Kick It Out use appropriate language and terminology This edition of barefacts was brought to you by the letter ‘Q’, the number ‘3’ and a selection of motivated individuals. The next all highly adsorbant edition of barefacts will hit the (small) kiosks Tuesday 7th February. Get those articles/reviews/ obscene phone calls in now! Then again you could always submit a personal (in-joke) to [email protected]