20Th Anniversary Issue!

Special 20th Anniversary Issue!

WINTER / SPRING 2016 SINCE 1996

YEARS

Top 20 Amicable Celebrity Divorces Should You End Your Marriage? How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer The World’s First Divorce School Tips for Successful Co-Parenting Fight Depression and Thrive

Table of Contents | .com Directorywww.DivorceMagazine.com | 1 Introducing

No one goes to school for divorce, Free. Practical. Transformative. but every divorcing person should. Get ready for two months of free education and Introducing the world’s first Divorce School – a inspiration! In April, May, and June, you’ll have unlim- unique online learning center where divorce profes- ited access to all Divorce School podcasts and videos sionals and divorced people will share their exper- anytime you want, day or night. Our mission is to tise and experience through videos and podcasts. empower you to make better choices before, during, and after divorce; we’ll teach you how to use your Get answers to these questions – and many more: divorce as a catalyst for life-changing transformation. • How do I choose a divorce lawyer? • Will I get half of everything? Join now for free! • Should I keep or sell the family home? If divorce is on your doorstep – or if you’re still dealing • How are child and spousal support calculated? with issues during or after divorce – you can’t afford • Is sole or joint custody best for my children? to miss this online Divorce School! Join now at www. • How can I heal from divorce? TheDivorceSchool.com/divorce-school-participant

The Divorce School is a brand-new initiative in celebration of Divorce Magazine’s and www.DivorceMagazine.com’s 20th anniversary.

Table of Contents | .com Directory | 2 contents... Special Features 18 5 Divorce Magazine Celebrates 20 Years of Serving the Divorce Community Here’s a look back at what has changed – and what has remained the same – over the last 20 years. 36 Announcing The Divorce School! On April 1, you can attend an online learning center for those considering, going through, or moving on 26 after divorce. 43 Survey Results How long do most people think about divorce before taking action? Several years, according to a recent Divorce Magazine survey. 44 Top 20 Amicable Celebrity Divorces We’ve chosen 20 civilized celebrity divorces from the 44 last 20 years to inspire you to take the high road. Preparing for Divorce

8 Should You End Your Marriage? Children and Divorce Key questions to ask yourself before deciding whether to stay in your marriage or get a divorce. 26 5 Rules for Introducing a New Partner to Your Children 16 Choosing How to Divorce Introducing your new love interest too soon might One of the fi rst decisions you’ll need to make is complicate, delay, or damage your children’s healing which process to use to resolve your divorce issues: process after divorce. litigation, mediation, or collaboration. 30 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting Legal Issues There are ways to make co-parenting more eff ective for the parents and easier on the kids. Here are some 18 How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer tips for successful cooperative parenting after divorce. Here are the 17 questions you should ask to fi nd the right lawyer to represent you. Health and Well-Being

20 5 Rules for Successfully Negotiating a 32 7 Ways to Fight Depression and Thrive After Divorce Settlement Divorce Going back on a negotiated term in your divorce When life hands you lemons, you can complain about settlement could have costly ramifi cations – and it how awful they are – or you can sprinkle sugar on could ultimately kill the agreement. them, add water, and enjoy a sweet lemonade. The Financial Issues choice is yours. 38 7 Ways to Make Room for Spiritual Healing 11 7 Signs Your Spouse Is a Spendaholic Here’s how to make room for spiritual and emotional “Compulsive Buying Disorder” has the potential to healing after divorce. create great emotional and fi nancial distress, both of which can wreak havoc on a marriage. Local Divorce Guide 22 Tax Tips and Traps Wheteher you’re separated or newly divorced, you 25a Common Divorce Questions should get some good fi nancial advice about how taxes could aff ect you. 33 Your Best Online Resources

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 3 DIVORCE MAGAZINE’S NORTH AMERICAN

DIVORCE MAGAZINE’S NORTH AMERICA

866.803.6667 Advisory Board CEO/Publisher Dan Couvre e, Ext. 124 Divorce Magazine would like to thank the following members of our danc@divorcemarke nggroup.com Advisory Board for their help in making www.DivorceMagazine.com and Editorial Divorce Magazine such valuable resources for our readers. Diana Shepherd, Ext. 131 diana@divorcemarke nggroup.com John Ma as, Ext. 129 Patricia M. Barbarito is Shannon P. Pratt (CFA, john@divorcemarke nggroup.com a Certified Matrimonial FASA, ARM, ABAR, MCBC, Avital Borisovsky, Ext. 135 Attorney and Managing CM&AA) is a well-known avital@divorcemarke nggroup.com Partner in the New Jersey authority in the field of Advertising Sales law firm of Einhorn Harris. business valuation; he has Dan Couvre e, Ext. 124 She is a fellow of the written numerous books danc@divorcemarke nggroup.com American Academy of articulating many of the Aleks Krawczyk, Ext. 126 aleks@divorcemarke nggroup.com Matrimonial Lawyers and a former chair key concepts used in modern business Peter Smith, Ext. 128 of the Family Law Section of the New valuation around the world. The CEO of peter@divorcemarke nggroup.com Jersey State Bar Association. Shannon Pratt Valuations, Inc., he has (973) 627-7300 been performing valuation engagements Marketing/Client Services Martha Chan, Ext. 136 [email protected] for more than 40 years. marthac@divorcemarke nggroup.com www.EinhornHarris.com (503) 716-8532 Manos Filippou, Ext. 141 [email protected] manos@divorcemarke nggroup.com Joy Feinberg is a part- www.shannonpratt.com Tanoya Greaves, Ext. 125 tanoya@divorcemarke nggroup.com ner at Boyle & Feinberg, Shaganaa Sivaloganathan, Ext. 133 a Chicago family law firm. J. Lindsey Short Jr. has shaganaa@divorcemarke nggroup.com She has contributed chap- been Board Certified in David Bareno, Ext. 123 ters to Illinois Family Law family law since 1980, david@divorcemarke nggroup.com Chris an Bareno, Ext. 137 and Illinois Child Custody served as president of chris an@divorcemarke nggroup.com Litigation; she also the American Academy authored a tax chapter on divorce. She of Matrimonial Lawyers Art Director/Production/Webmaster Gina Tan, Ext. 130 is a past-president of the Illinois chapter in 2002, and is a past gina@divorcemarke nggroup.com of the American Academy of Matrimonial President of the Texas Chapter of the Accounting/Office Administration Lawyers. Joy works extensively with AAML and a founding member of the Bruce Cowen, Ext. 122 business owners and high-paid execu- International Academy of Matrimonial bruce@divorcemarke nggroup.com tives going through divorces. Lawyers, U.S.A. chapter. Cyndy Robleto, Ext. 121 (312) 376-8860 (713) 626-3345 cyndy@divorcemarke nggroup.com [email protected] [email protected] The printed edition of Divorce Magazine is published www.boylefeinbergfamilylaw.com www.shortcartermorris.com once a year by Segue Esprit Inc. The digital version is published twice a year and is available for free download on www.DivorceMagazine.com. All rights Hon. Michele F. Lowrance Marjorie A. Slabach pre- reserved. Contents may not be reproduced without written permission. The magazine is not responsible (Ret.) was a domestic sided over a Family Court for unsolicited material. relations lawyer for 20 in San Francisco Superior Subscriptions are available for $25.99 (2 issues/2 years prior to becoming a Court from 1997 to 2011. years) or $35.99 (3 issues/3 years). To subscribe, send your name, address, and a check/money order to: domestic relations judge Prior to serving on the Divorce Magazine in the circuit court of bench, she was a found- 2255B Queen St. E., #1179 Toronto, ON M4E 1G3 Canada Cook County, Illinois for ing partner in a family 19 years. She is currently a mediator for law firm in Santa Rosa, CA. Specializing Warning/Disclaimer Articles in this magazine are only guidelines and may Domestic Relations cases at JAMS. in Judicial Settlement Conferences or not apply to your situation. They do not take the place Michele is the author of the book The Mediation, Commissioner Slabach trav- of a lawyer, accountant, therapist, etc. For professional advice, you must seek counsel from the appropriate Good Karma Divorce and co-author of els to clients for meetings, conferences, professional. The authors, editor, and publisher shall Parental Alienation 911 Workbook. hearings, and trials. have neither liability nor responsibility to any person with respect to loss or damage caused directly or indi- (312) 655-0555 (888) 501-3062 rectly by information contained in this magazine. [email protected] [email protected] California ISSN: 1492-2045 www.michelelowrance.com www.mslabach.com Illinois ISSN: 1481-9163 NJ ISSN: 1719-363X Printed in Canada

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 4 THE STAKES ARE HIGH in YOUR FAMILY LAW MATTER SAFEGUARD PROTECT SECURE your children. your assets. your future.

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Table of Contents | .com Directory specialfeature

Divorce Magazine Turns

www.DivorceMagazine.com

magazine

FREE! Please take How to make clearer, stronger this copy choices, and increase your with you happiness after divorce.

Divorce Magazine and DivorceMagazine.com were launched simultaneously in March 1996. Here’s a look at what’s changed – and what has remained the same – over the last 20 years. By Diana Shepherd

n the summer of 1995, Dan themselves and for their families. The children (aged five, six, and seven), Couvrette and I started dreaming of idea grew out of two divorces: Dan’s and I had no idea how to become a Istarting a new magazine: one that from his first wife, and my then-fian- good stepmother – which included would help separated and divorced cé Greg’s from his first wife. When dealing with his ex-wife as well as spouses make better decisions for we first met, Greg had three young his children.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-recovery | 5 We were desperate for information The World’s First Divorce it is hard – emotionally, financially, and about everything from legal and financial Magazine practically. This is not a decision to take issues to emotional recovery and step- On March 16, 1996, we published the lightly! But if ending your marriage is parenting questions – and we figured first issue of Divorce Magazine. Since truly the right action, then there are bad we’d be in the same boat as a million Greg was a computer programmer with ways and good ways to accomplish this other separated and divorced people. an interest in the Internet, he created goal. The bad ways will leave you and Having both worked in magazine the first DivorceMagazine.com web- your family emotionally and financially publishing for many years, Dan and I site – which was a whopping 12 pages bankrupt, and possibly damage your chil- were shocked to discover that no one was long – at the same time. It was received dren for life. Our magazine and website providing a “one-stop shop” for people with gratitude by the divorcing public were based on teaching couples how to struggling with divorce. There were a – and with some outrage from people go through the process without burning handful of books, but each one only who had never actually seen a copy of through their families’ resources fighting covered one topic: legal or emotional, the magazine, but who were sure we to the death over every issue – and, just

www.DivorceMagazine.com www.DivorceMagazine.com www.DivorceMagazine.com www.DivorceMagazine.com WINTER/SPRING 2012 SINCE 1996 SUMMER/FALL 2009 SINCE 1996 WINTER/SPRING 2009 SINCE 1996 SUMMER/FALL 2010 SINCE 1996

Will my child The be OK? Good

How will Karma I manage? Divorce How is your financial health? The debate on 50/50 child access Your Parting Words Divorce, Managing Boot Camp for the Changing your divorce decree Fighting Parental Ready to give up your baggage? Recession Style Alienation Broken-Hearted Negative Help your children adjust to divorce Getting Divorce? First Thing First It’s Your Life, Take Charge! Thoughts Making Your Case for Spousal Support Safe Harbor for Questions Children Ask Your Financial Future The Divorce Process The Mediation Alternative How to Work with Your Advice In the Best Interest of the Child Divorce Lawyer from Two Judges FREE! Transforming Grief Music Legend Dan Hill FREE! www.blogsondivorce.com · www.facebook.com/divorcemagazine · www.twitter.com/divorcemagazine FREE! The Art of Negotiation FREE! Talks Relationships

www.DivorceMagazine.com www.DivorceMagazine.com www.DivorceMagazine.com SUMMER/FALL 2012 SINCE 1996 SUMMER/FALL 2011 SINCE 1996 SUMMER/FALL 2015 SINCE 1996

15th Anniversary Issue Your Whose Divorce Art & Fault Divorce Stories Is It Focus on the Judges: Changes as Seen Anyway? in Divorce Courts Over the last 15 years Future – Not

Once You’ve Told the Past Your Children about Your Divorce Divorce Recovery Your Divorce Team Vicmhood After the Cheating The First Legal Steps Negoang Your Financial Avoiding Charting Living Expenses Selement Financial Landmines Designing a Parenting Plan 6 Tips for a Peaceful Divorce Divorce FAQs FREE! Healing From Rejection Your Divorce Art Creating the New You FREE! and Stories FREE!

www.blogsondivorce.com · www.facebook.com/divorcemagazine · www.twitter.com/divorcemagazine www.blogsondivorce.com • www.facebook.com/divorcemagazine • www.twitter.com/divorcemagazine www.divorcemag.com/blog • www.facebook.com/divorcemagazine • www.twitter.com/divorcemagazine Table of Contents | .com Directory | 1

The artwork for the first covers were original paintings by Canadian artist Geoffrey Bonnycastle (see page 5, first three covers). Publisher Dan Couvrette has also contributed original artwork to the magazine: the “Your Divorce Art & Stories” cover (above, left) is one of Dan’s paintings. financial or children’s issues. Since we were encouraging people to leave their as importantly, how to help themselves couldn’t find what we needed on news- spouses for the “delights” of divorce. and their children recover emotionally stands – and the Internet was still so new Of course, nothing could be further after divorce. to consumers that there was nothing use- from the truth: we have always encour- ful to be found there – we decided to cre- aged people to try to save their marriage Expert Advice and Support ate the magazine and website we needed before deciding on divorce. Anyone who During the last two decades, we have to read. has been through a divorce knows that sought out experts who would not

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-recovery | 6 Thinking divorce? Think initial consultation ﬁrst.

If you’re considering a divorce, an initial attorney consultation could be one of the most important steps to this life-changing event.

From the emotional toll it takes on a provide them with a solid analysis of the family to the myriad of issues that need situation. Clients should come away to be considered such as custody, real with a clearer understanding of all their estate, tax, estate planning or business options and strategies to consider. The considerations — divorce is complex. investment in a preliminary consultation Dissolving a marriage requires a can save untold thousands of dollars in This investment can planned, thoughtful approach. the future and lessen the emotional toll on everyone involved. save you untold An initial consultation with an experi- thousands of enced, respected lawyer will allow you The critical step to a beneficial dollars in the future to assess the situation objectively and consultation is choosing the right help you explore your options. Those attorney. The right attorney is not and lessen the options include divorce, but also include only qualified, but also one you feel emotional toll on mediation or possibly the decision to comfortable working with. Look for a everyone involved. stay in the marriage. It is not uncom- lawyer who has the ability to understand mon for people to decide to explore the emotional complexities surrounding alternative options to getting a divorce divorce and your particular situation. when they truly understand all of the implications and thoughtfully weigh the Divorce is a life-altering event with complications divorce presents. great emotional and financial costs. An initial consultation with an experienced A consultation is not about answering lawyer is a chance to think through this a prepared questionnaire. The right decision, gain an understanding of your attorney will listen carefully and intently options and develop a sound strategy. to everything their client says and

165 East Main St., Denville, NJ | (973) 627-7300 | EinhornHarris.com

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FALL/WINTER 2014 SINCE 1996

from child support and custody to We accomplish this mission by provid- legal and financial issues to infidelity ing expert advice, quality information, Handling your and divorce recovery. (For more infor- and community support at no charge Four Divorces: mation, please see “Announcing The to those who are considering divorce, the legal, financial, Divorce School!” starting on page 36.) separated, or divorced. Twenty years social, and Social media has become an ago, we started with a vision of a world emotional important tool for staying in touch where divorcing people could use the with our readers – and reaching new experience to grow as human beings, to Divorce Dispute Resolution readers as they start their divorce jour- support each other in co-parenting their Managing your Reputation neys. Our social media pages (includ- children, and to end their marriages with Financial Divorce Preparation ing Facebook and Twitter) currently kindness and compassion. Protecting Children from Conflict FREE! Coping with Holidays have 30,000 followers. Although society has come a long way down this road in 20 years, we

www.blogsondivorce.com • www.facebook.com/divorcemagazine • www.twitter.com/divorcemagazine Towards Amicable Divorce still have some distance to go before | 1 Two decades ago, the only divorce sto- all divorces are like this. Until we get ries the media covered were extremely there, you can count on us to keep on shame or blame readers, but rather negative: “The Divorce from Hell” helping to make the lives of divorcing offer helpful advice and tips to help being a good example of the kind of individuals and their families better – them through what is one of the most headline you might find in your local both short- and long-term.  challenging and stressful periods in magazine or newspaper. We are proud anyone’s life. We found respected to have been part of the paradigm shift lawyers, mediators, judges, financial away from that toxic viewpoint towards Diana Shepherd is the co- professionals, therapists, and parent- civilized, amicable divorce that did not founder and editorial ing experts who would share their best leave families emotionally and finan- director of Divorce advice with our readers. cially bankrupt. Magazine. She is proud to Today, we continue to search Divorce Magazine’s mission has have had the privilege of out the best and the brightest in their always been to have divorce be civi- serving this community fields to provide this guidance to our lized, amicable, and transformational. for two decades. readers – both in the magazine and on our website. Recently, we have expanded our offerings to allow readers to support each other through our blog (www.DivorceMag.com/Blog) as well as through the wildly-popular divorce-related blogging site, www. DivorcedMoms.com. We invite you to visit both and check out the expert advice as well as blogs by separated and divorced people just like you. Since we don’t believe in resting on our laurels, we launched Family Lawyer Magazine, a trade publica- tion aimed at divorce professionals, in 2012. Today, we also offer 10 unique Divorce Guides, a monthly eNewsletter, as well as a family of divorce-related websites – including ChildrenAndDivorceGuide.com and MoneyAndDivorceGuide.com. To help celebrate our 20th anniversary of serving this community, we’re launching The Divorce School on April 1st. This online learning center will allow visitors to watch videos and listen to podcasts about divorce-related issues – everything

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/preparing-for-divorce | 7 preparingfordivorce

Should You End Your Marriage?

If you’re wrestling with the question of whether to stay in or to leave your marriage, here are the key questions to ask yourself.

By Dr. Joy Dryer, Clinical Psychologist and Divorce Coach

he decision of whether to stay in or to leave your relationship is like wrestling with an alligator: it can throw Tyou to the ground as you try to grab hold of it. Just the process of deciding can leave you panting and exhausted on the ground. And, the decision has sharp teeth (consequences) too. That can be scary. While books have been written about this decision process, I’m oﬀ ering a 1-2-3 framework to help guide you in your own, personal decision process. Here are three sets of questions to ask yourself before deciding to leave your marriage. 1. Do you know yourself? Know your partner? Do you really want to leave? I get it that you may feel exhausted with the power struggles, the criticisms, the disagreements, or even screams, about every little thing. That you feel lonely in bed at night, with no reach out, no snuggle, no warmth, and thus no intimacy, let alone sex. These are good reasons to feel sad, disappointed, lonely, anguished... but not good enough reasons to separate or divorce. The above issues are all fixable if you both are willing to work at it. So… Ask yourself: Am I reacting to my partner? Do I notice the sun- light catching a wave in his/her hair? Remember that small smile?

.../Continued on page 10

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/considering-divorce | 8 Back row (l to r): Sheryl J. Seiden, Lizanne J. Ceconi Front row (l to r): Kimberly A. Rennie, Cary B. Cheifetz A Principled Approach

here’s something unique about a law fi rm, or any com- can draw on the expertise and experience of all in the fi rm pany for that matter, where one of the initial tasks of when necessary. “This is all about what’s best for the client, Tthe founding partners was to set down their operat- not what’s best for an individual attorney.” ing principles and a mission statement. There’s also some- For the attorneys at Ceconi & Cheifetz, helping clients dur- thing particularly telling about a fi rm that begins its list of ing a stressful period to see what is happening, realize what it principles by stating: “We distinguish ourselves by satisfying is that they want, and get on their feet again is an important our clients with great caring service and developing strong goal, which points to operating principle number fi ve: “We client relationships. Therefore, we try our best to respond to communicate leadership, vision, strategies, goals, and ideas.” client inquiries the same day when possible.” An attorney who exhibits these traits is invaluable. “We try Client service is just as important for the Summit, to come up with creative solutions and to help them priori- New Jersey based fi rm of Ceconi & Cheifetz, LLC as its tize,” says Cheifetz. “I think one of the most important things ten operating principles. When Lizanne J. Ceconi and Cary is helping a client decide what they really want, and then we Cheifetz founded the fi rm in 1999, there were just three fi gure out how to get that for them.” lawyers. Now there are ten, a number Ceconi believes is “just Arriving at a satisfactory end result may necessitate the right.” With that number, she says, “we’ve got tremendous use of outside experts such as family therapists, real-estate depth and differing levels of experience and expertise, so appraisers, accountants, and fi rms that do business evalua- that we can provide really good service to clients and still tions. And whenever necessary, Ceconi & Cheifetz can turn keep it personal.” And, Cheifetz adds, at that size, “you can to a well-considered roster of professionals. offer diversity, without it being a place where you don’t know In all its years, Ceconi & Cheifetz has developed a reputa- who’s going to return your call. You can still provide personal tion for being honest, respectful, and effective, but it is the service.” fi nal paragraphs of the fi rm’s mission statement that truly ex- Which leads to operating principle number two: “Our staff plains the reasons for its success. It is “our personal commit- is our most important resource and the backbone of our ment to our client. That commitment is a pledge to counsel, success. We select, train, develop, and motivate each person to educate, and to work together to achieve realistic goals to be the best. If our staff is successful, we are successful. We and objectives. We want to make a difference in each client’s are a team, and we support each other and work together to life.” achieve common goals.” The result, says Ceconi, is that they It’s an approach that seems to be working.

For more information, or to book an appointment, please contact: Ceconi & Cheifetz, LLC 25 DeForest Ave., Suite 105, Summit, NJ 07901 www.ccfamlaw.com • ﬁ [email protected] Phone: (908) 273-6300 • Fax: (908) 273-4797

Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F Your Best Online Resource

Visit www.DivorceMagazine.com – the best online resource for divorce-related articles, FAQs, podcasts, and videos.

Since 1996, www.DivorceMagazine.com has been helping separated couples make it through divorce with their children, ﬁ nances, dignity, and mental/physical health intact.

Today, DivorceMagazine.com offers thousands of pages of useful articles, FAQs, podcasts, videos, blog posts, interactive features, and a directory of divorce professionals and services – including family lawyers, divorce ﬁ nancial analysts, accountants, therapists, and others who can help guide you through this transition.

The DivorceMagazine.com Blog features posts by experts as well as by individuals coping with the challenges of separation and divorce. It’s a great new source of support and advice as you make your way through divorce into a new life.

You’ll ﬁ nd articles and resources to help you understand:

• Child Support and Custody • Finding Divorce Professionals • Spousal Support (Alimony) • Co-Parenting Issues • Division of Assets • Managing Anger and Grief • Legal and Financial Issues • Rebuilding a Life You’ll Love • How to Get a Divorce

• Dispute-Resolution Methods YEARS Table of Contents | .com Directory | 9 [2] Gottman, John M, Ph.D., The Seven Deciding to end is not said in Principles for Making Marriage Work (2nd Ed., 2015)

the heat of an argument or Dr. Joy Dryer (Ph.D.) is in private practice because you are exhausted wearing three hats: Clinical Psychologist/ Psychoanalyst working and don’t know what else to do. with individuals & couples; divorce professional working as Collaborative Do I still appreciate his/her sense Bottom line: How “partnered up” Divorce Coach/Consultant/Mediator/ of humor or practical grounded- do you feel? Parent Coordinator; and a supervisor ness? Does my heart still skip a of Psychology graduate students/for- wee beat at the sound of his/her 3. Have you tried everything? mer Adjunct Associate Professor of voice or steps at the front door? Or Have you worked for several Psychology at NYU. no, that’s all gone (or never was months – not two or three sessions www.divorcecoachny.com there). Be honest: do you answer – with an experienced couples Yes to any of these questions? therapist to find out why you are in defensive mode, how you got to the Related Articles 2. Have you had a true partnership? place of Protect Me First/Attack the Were you a “we,” an “us,” or just Other, and what is your part in that Divorce Versus the Unhappy two individuals cohabiting? co-created space? No blame, no Marriage Did you have a secure, function- shame. But do you own your part in If you’re thinking about getting a ing relationship, but fell off that the relationship troubles? divorce, here are the signs to look wagon into distrust? Did you make out for before making that decision. agreements and keep your word? Questions Answered www.divorcemag.com/articles/ Secure attachment in a couple’s So, if you’ve honestly answered these divorce-versus-the-unhappy- relationship is the hallmark of questions, then you can genuinely say marriage what we PACT (Psychobiologic your reason for wanting to separate or Approach to Couples Therapy[1]) divorce is for the only one real rea- Are You Addicted to Your therapists consider our most impor- son: that is, to end the relationship. The Relationship? tant goal. Having a true partner- decision to end is not a threat, a strategy You know you’re better off leaving ship, a “couple bubble,” is being to get him/her to change, a punishment your partner, but something is able to awaken your partner at 3 (e.g., for that affair, for being mean...), keeping you from moving on. Here a.m. to be comforted after a night- to prove you are right about...whatever, are the reasons why people stay in mare. You have each other’s backs. to draw attention to your pain, or to addictive relationships. Your relationship highlights sensi- react to this or that issue. Deciding to www.divorcemag.com/articles/ tivity, mutuality, and safety (above end is not said in the heat of an argu- addicted-to-the-relationship all else). ment or because you are exhausted and Are you saying that description don’t know what else to do. Should I Stay or Should I Go is unfamiliar? That you protect and Okay. You are calm and rational. Now? take care of only yourself, with lit- You’re ready to decide. You can now Are you staying married “for the tle trust that the other will take care consider how to approach your partner sake of the children”? If so, you of you? You’ve likely been more – so do you wish to discuss: should know that this can actually critical, judgmental toward the a. taking a temporary break, lead to more problems for your other, more negative than positive. b. separating, or kids than if you had a low-conflict You’ve been protecting Self and c. divorcing? divorce. attacking the Other, basically in Each is a more escalated, final www.divorcemag.com/blog/should- defensive mode. John Gottman’s[2] step – so be sure before you initiate the i-stay-or-should-i-go-now- research outlines four toxic behav- discussion.  iors that flag a sinking relationship: criticism, defensiveness, stone- [1] Tatkin, Stan, Psy.D., Wired for Love walling, and worst of all, contempt. (2010)

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/considering-divorce | 10 “We guide you through the Finnerty, Canda & Concannon, P.C. process”

wo years into his career as a journalist, John E. Finnerty found New Jersey cases, including Lepis v. Lepis and Nehra v. Uhlar. In Thimself facing an important life decision. “I was off ered a job 1998 he was awarded the Saul Tischler award by the New Jersey at the New York Post,” he recalls. “But suddenly, it occurred to me State Bar Association, which recognized a lifetime of contribu- that I didn’t want to sit back and just report the news: I wanted to tions to the advancement of family law in NJ. He also served as be at the forefront, making policy, and helping decisions come out Chairman of the NJSBA Family Law Section for the 1993-94 term. the right way, instead of just watching them come out.” He has been a member of the New Jersey Supreme Court Family Part Practice Committee for 11 two-year terms and was Chair of Finnerty knew that law could provide him with this opportunity. that Committee’s Subcommittee on Custody and Parenting from Aft er graduating from Rutgers Law School in 1972, he clerked 2002 through 2008. for a NJ Supreme Court Justice and made another decision: to concentrate in family and matrimonial law. “I was assigned cases Finnerty has been peer review designated as an AV Preeminent dealing with the initial constitutional challenges to, and interpre- Attorney for 30 years by Martindale Hubbell (www.martindale. tation of, the then-recently passed NJ statute on equitable distri- com/Products_and_Services/Peer_Review_Ratings.aspx). He has bution,” he recalls. “I was attracted to matrimonial law because been selected by his peers each year since 2005 for inclusion it involved the representation of individual human beings dur- in Woodward White’s list of “Best Lawyers in America” for ing an emotional time in their lives. In addition, I felt that the Family Law (www.bestlawyers.com/About/MethodologyBasic.aspx). fi eld would provide me with an opportunity to help create and During that same time, Finnerty has also been consistently shape principles regarding the equitable distribution statutes.” included in the “New Jersey Super Lawyers” list for Family Law by Th omson Reuters and New Jersey Monthly. (www. Since 1973, this NJ attorney continues to off er the clients his superlawyers.com/about/selection_process.html). In addition, since unique historical perspective on the development of matrimo- 2012, his partner Marilyn J. Canda has either been designated nial law in New Jersey. Together with fellow principals, Marilyn on the “Rising Star” or “Super Lawyers” lists for Family Law J. Canda, Paul J. Concannon and the fi rm’s two other experienced by Th ompson Reuters and New Jersey Monthly (www. attorneys, Finnerty tries to help his clients make informed and superlawyers.com/about/selection_process.html). No aspect of the rational decisions that are not fuelled by passion, rage, emotion, above information has been approved by the Supreme Court of or anger. “We are psychologically sophisticated and compassion- New Jersey, but the methodology used in connection with the ate, but we mince no words. We tell our clients what we think in accolades referenced is available for inspection from the indicated view of the facts they present, the law, and our sense of what the websites of each organization. provable truth may be. Aft er helping clients defi ne their objectives, we chart a course with them, and are tireless, but sensible, If you are looking for experience, knowledge, and caring advocates on their behalf.” representation from attorneys at the forefront of their profession, look no further than the law fi rm of Finnerty, Canda & A highly respected Certifi ed Matrimonial Law Attorney since Concannon, P.C. 1998, Finnerty has tried and litigated many precedent-setting For more information Finnerty, Canda & Concannon, P.C. or to schedule an appointment, www.familylaw-nj.com please contact: 17-17 Route 208 North, Fair Lawn NJ 07410 Phone: (201) 845-4000 • Fax: (201) 845-6799

Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F financialissues Signs Your Spouse is a Spendaholic 7“Compulsive Buying Disorder” is characterized by poor impulse control. It has the potential to create emotional and financial distress, both of which can wreak havoc on a marriage.

By Peggy L. Tracy, Certified Fraud Examiner

ave you ever noticed that people literally can’t stop buying stuﬀ they don’t or “budget” are usually not part of their can be divided into two groups need from the Home Shopping Channel. lexicon. Both spouses enjoy gathering when it comes to their attitudes You can tell when two savers get toys, traveling frequently, and spending Htowards money? Some people are spend- married. They have a high rate of savings money rather than saving for a rainy day. ers and others are savers. In these two and investments and tend to live on less As long as they continue to make more groups, some people ﬁ t towards the mid- than they earn – putting away money than they spend, money problems have dle of the scale – saving a little more than towards retirement and the occasional a minimal impact on their total finan- they spend, or vice-versa – and some are big-ticket item, such as a car, annual cial picture. When married spenders extreme examples at the far end of either vacation, or home renovation. Credit are living beyond their means, all the spectrum – a millionaire who lives in scores are high and they handle money ingredients are in place for a recipe of a bachelor apartment and shops at the with sensibility and delayed gratification. maxing out credit cards and turning into Dollar Store because he can’t bear to part When two spenders tie the knot, a personal debt disaster. with a dime, or someone who is about to their finances may be a bit more pre- lose their house to the bank because they carious since words like “spending plan” .../Continued on page 13

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/ﬁ nancial-issues | 11 Table of Contents | .com Directory | 12 Spendaholic / Continued from page 11 to shopping. She would run up large 1. Your spouse has become a big fan of bills on credit and carefully conceal them the mailman – rushing to bring in the When Spender Met Saver from her husband. On one occasion, she mail the second it arrives. The third scenario is when a saver mar- allegedly purchased 300 pairs of gloves; 2. They conceal shopping habits by hid- ries a spender. Over time, the values the another shopping expedition saw Mrs. ing bags. saver holds dearly will be tested time Lincoln spend $3,000 on jewelry and 3. New, unexplained items show up in and time again. Good luck trying to talk $5,000 on a shawl. She would get an your home. to a spending personality about deferred emotional “high” from spending the 4. Your spouse applies for a credit card satisfaction incurred while accumulating money followed by a depressive reac- without telling you. retirement savings or watching their col- tion when needing to pay. She referred 5. They handle all the household bills lege funds grow over time! It does not to it as “stress relief” from her duties and and make sure you never see them. compute to the spender who is gener- responsibilities as First Lady. 6. There is a new secrecy surrounding ally a person who wants to live in the Many years ago, a potential client money. moment and not forego the current sat- came to see me. He had filed for divorce 7. There are periods of unexplained isfaction they get in the actual process of due to this exact problem. He was not absence. purchasing items. aware his wife had racked up personal It is my experience female spenda- This final scenario is one that I see debt of $40,000 during their marriage; holics tend to buy many small items – often in my work as a forensic accoun- she did everything she could to hide including clothing, shoes, handbags, and tant. In this case, spouses were of a like it from him until the creditors started items for the home and children. Male mind – either savers or spenders – when calling at night and she had to confess. spenders generally purchase fewer, but they first met and married. Over time, They went to counseling and worked larger items – such as motorcycles, cars, one of the parties changed in their money out the underlying issues that were caus- and golf equipment. I worked on one habits and became either a spender or ing her to consistently overspend – or so case where the spouse owned over 39 saver while their spouse remained firm in they thought. Then two years later, he sets of golf clubs. Men also utilize more their original money type. Or sometimes, found out she had put them into large spending money through ATMs and cash the spender was able to control – or hide credit-card debt again. That time, she withdrawals than women; women tend to – their spendthrift tendencies during the used some inheritance money of her get their pocket cash while in the grocery early days of the relationship – but when own to pay it all off and swore it would store or bank. the romance died, so did their reason for never happen again. You see where this One of the main reasons spending controlling their spending. is heading? It happened a third time over is secretive is due to the type of prod- the same eight-year period, and the hus- ucts/services being purchased. If you Shopping Addiction band decided to file for divorce. She was are spending money on bad behavior A study published in the Journal of undermining the future financial security that you cannot afford, that is a double Consumer Research (December 2008) of the family, and he had had enough. whammy to a spouse. Gambling, alco- suggests that as much as 8.9% of our hol/drug dependency, overeating, or population, approximately 25 million Signs You’re Living with an adultery are examples of addictions that Americans, may be considered to be Spendaholic can become out of control. These behav- compulsive shoppers/spenders. This is Some of the signs of living with an over- iors encourage addicted individuals to not an isolated problem and it co-exists spender to be aware of include but are spend more and more, often incurring equally between the genders, according not limited to the following: large credit-card bills and personal debts. to a 2006 study from Stanford University. Psychologists call it “Compulsive Buying Disorder,” which is characterized by poor impulse control. It has the potential to create emotional and financial distress, both of which can wreak havoc on a marriage. Others refer to it as “spendaholism” or being a “shopa- holic.” The long-term consequences can be devastating with broken relationships, job issues, ruined credit history, and general financial troubles extending over a period of time. Abraham Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, was apparently addicted

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/ﬁ nancial-issues | 13 Front Row (L to R): James C. Jensen, Christine M. Dalena, William M. Laufer, Kimberly N. Gronau Boyd, Joseph P. Cadicina | Back Row (L to R): Julie R. Katz, Terryann K. Bradley, Gregory D.R. Behringer, John J. Harper, Laurence J. Cutler, Mario N. Delmonaco, Michelle A. Benedek, Alexis Nicole Laufer, Carly DiFrancisco LAUFER, DALENA, CADICINA, JENSEN & BOYD, L.L.C. Experienced Family Law Attorneys

The lawyers at Laufer, Dalena, Cadicina, Jensen & Boyd, L.L.C. are William Laufer, a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial well-respected leaders in family law. In the past year, several of Lawyers, has served as Morris County Bar Association president. our attorneys – including William Laufer, Christine Dalena, Joseph Christine Dalena is a court-approved mediator and a collaborative Cadicina, James Jensen, Kimberly Gronau Boyd, Laurence Cutler, law attorney. Joseph Cadicina has signiﬁ cant family law experience, Michelle Benedek, Terryann Bradley, Alexis Laufer, and Mario is a court-approved mediator, and lectures frequently throughout the Delmonaco – have received honors and accolades. Our lawyers state on family law issues. James Jensen focuses on matrimonial and belong to virtually every lawyer organization dealing with matrimo- family law, but he also handles civil and criminal matters. Kimberly nial law and have been leaders in those organizations. Boyd litigates complex family law issues and appeals. Cutler is the co-author of the state’s leading treatises in the area of family law. One of northern New Jersey’s premier family law firms, Laufer, Partners Michelle Benedek and Terryann Bradley handle complex fam- Dalena, Cadicina, Jensen & Boyd is committed to pursuing the ily law matters. Associates Mario Delmonaco, Alexis Laufer, Gregory best possible results for clients. Handling a full range of family Behringer, Carly DiFrancisco, and Julie Katz have years of family law law issues with a focus on divorce and dissolution of civil unions, experience and are respected for their knowledge and expertise. our lawyers carefully explore available legal options. The particular circumstances of each case dictate the most appropriate strategy, The ﬁ rm also has Retired Morris County Superior Court Judge whether that is an alternative dispute resolution, such as mediation John J. Harper of counsel to perform mediation and arbitration or arbitration, or aggressive trial preparation. services.

LAUFER, DALENA, CADICINA, JENSEN & BOYD, L.L.C. 23 Cattano Ave., Morristown, NJ 07960 • PH: (973) 285-1444 • FX: (973) 285-0271 www.lauferfamilylaw.com • [email protected]

A S A F Table of Contents | .com Directory In many cases, spouses are raiding their balances – just continued to open during and after divorce. If you’re the retirement assets of children’s college new accounts. saver in a divorcing couple, you need to accounts to fund their addictions. Many 5. Keeping up with their stature in the speak with a lawyer and a financial proof these secretive behaviors can go on community. fessional immediately to find out what for years undetected. 6. Arguments or anxiety sparked an you can do to stop hemorrhaging money urge to shop and then hide the goods. before your divorce is final. Triggers of Spendaholism 7. She had an affair, so I took the credit Some of the most difficult divorces What could trigger bouts of spending card to get even. are those families where both spouses addiction? A marriage that does not 8. “I make the money, so I can spend it are spenders. There may be few finan- have a transparent wrapper around the as I like.” cial or real assets to split in the property finances, or poor communication, could settlement. Good luck trying to craft two easily set up a situation where over- Divorce Consequences full sets of personal expenses out of a spending might occur. Secrecy, motive, When two savers get divorced – assum- family unit that is in the habit of spend- and concealment are the other variables ing one of them hasn’t recently acquired ing all the income that is generated! The needed to carry on a spousal ruse. It may a love interest with expensive tastes – news is not good for couples who have also stem from an emotional subcon- the financial statement is unlikely to been living beyond their means: when scious desire to get back at the spouse for come as a shock to either one of them. they get divorced, their debts generally some slights, whether real or imagined. They have a pretty good idea of what exceed their assets, and they end up try- Some of the reasons heard when they have, and there are financial and ing to split the debt equitably – which confronted with an overspending prob- real assets to divide in the property could result in one or both of them hav- lem include: settlement. ing to file for bankruptcy. There may be 1. He paid no attention to me. When a saver and a spender divorce, no other option. That is the day of reck- 2. Enjoyed the friendliness of retail things are usually messy – both finan- oning for many poor financial spending workers. cially and emotionally. The saver is out- habits.  3. Felt a “retail high” while shopping raged at the amount of debts racked up that became an addiction. by the spender – and by the news that he/ 4. Never added up all the credit-card she may be on the hook for those debts Peggy L. Tracy (CFP®, CDFA™, CFE) is the owner of Priority Planning, LLC in Wheaton, IL. A Certified Fraud Examiner and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, she focuses on forensic accounting for divorcing clients. www.priorityplanning.biz

Money Myths Money myths are global beliefs about all the wonderful, almost magical things that money can do for us. Here’s how to identify and debunk some of the myths that may be causing problems in your financial and personal life. www.divorcemag.com/articles/ money-myths

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/ﬁ nancial-issues | 14 Divorce Marketing Group Can Help You Reach 3,000,000 Divorcing People

YEARS

[email protected] of Contents | .com Directory • www.DivorceMarketingGroup.com| 15 preparingdivorcerecovery

Choosing Mediation How to Collaboration Divorce

Divorce forces you to Litigation make many choices with life-changing consequences. One of the first decisions you’ll need to make is which process to use to resolve your divorce issues: litigation, mediation, or collaboration.

By Adrienne Rothstein Grace, Divorce Financial Professional

inding yourself in the challenging determining what process they will use three most common dispute-resolution position of planning your divorce to navigate their divorce, the fear of the processes available to divorcing couples. will force you to make many choic- unknown paralyzes them into making Fes with far-reaching consequences. The decisions that, in the end, turn out not Mediation value of making the right decision can- to have been the best decisions for them. You and your soon-to-be ex work not be overstated. The same goes with Let’s explore the options available and together with one neutral expert to one of the ﬁ rst decisions you’ll need to how selecting one over the other can resolve some – or all – of your divorce make: “how” you want to proceed with have far-reaching positive (or negative) issues. All documents prepared for the your divorce. consequences on a divorce, relationship, mediation, and all matters discussed in Often, when separated people and family. the mediation, are confidential. The only find themselves at the crossroads of Here’s a brief introduction to the public document is the final judgment.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/separa on-divorce-process | 16 EXPERIENCE on yourside

1300 Route 73, Suite 211 Mount Laurel, NJ 08054 856.505.1700 CharnyLaw.com

High Quality Legal Services for necessary financial acumen and compassionate Very Personal Matters commitment required to provide the best legal “In this economy, selecting representation to clients with substantial marital The Law Offices of Charny, Charny & Karpousis is an experienced and efficient estates and to help minimize the overall impact of one of South Jersey’s premier divorce and family divorce lawyer is more law firms. Led by Judith S. Charny, the firm’s divorce on family, business and everyday life. important than ever.” highly-recognized attorneys represent clients in all Offering Litigation, Mediation, Arbitration Judith S. Charny, Esq. aspects of family law matters, including divorce, and Collaborative Divorce Services Managing Partner custody, child support, college issues, alimony, While our team of family lawyers is seasoned equitable distribution, domestic violence, prenuptial litigators, Charny, Charny & Karpousis also offers Founded in 1999, the Law agreements and adoptions. We possess the skills to alternative services; including mediation, arbitration Offices of Charny, Charny & handle all types of family law matters regardless of and Collaborative Divorce which may be better Karpousis, P.A. is a Southern complexity. No matter is too big or too small for suited for some clients. The newest of these options our team of expert attorneys. New Jersey based practice with is Collaborative Divorce, an often welcomed change significant experience in divorce Experience & Efficiency that Counts to more traditional matrimonial litigation. Using a and family law. The firm At Charny, Charny & Karpousis, we integrate in- team approach focused on the future, each party is regularly provides assertive, represented by a specially trained Collaborative depth knowledge and more than 130 years of efficient and effective attorney, in a non-adversarial manner without going combined experience to provide each client with representation in divorce and to court. Often, collaboratively trained financial the highest quality guidance necessary to resolve family law matters. their family law matters. Well-respected by our advisors, child psychologists, family therapists and peers and the judiciary, we effectively and efficiently other experts assist with the process. The result is navigate the New Jersey court system and seek that private information is kept out of the public Contact us today for an initial expeditious resolutions to the difficult challenges record, children are better protected and soon to be consultation and allow us to put facing our clients. ex-spouses have greater control over the end result. our experience on your side. Minimizing the Impact of Compassionate and Practical Team Approach Charny, Charny & Karpousis, P.A. Divorce on Business 1300 Route 73, Suite 211 For South Jersey’s many business owners, Our firm's strength lies in our experience and Mount Laurel, NJ 08054 entrepreneurs and professionals, the firm has special dedication to our clients, their families, businesses, (856) 505-1700 expertise in divorce cases that involve the valuation and futures. Our attorneys are knowledgeable, [email protected] empathetic and effective communicators, while of privately owned businesses, real estate, medical www.charnylaw.com and other professional practices. We possess the being assertive, determined and practical advocates for our clients. Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F • A neutral person (mediator) helps caused by their emotions or com- made in divorce is choosing the pro- you negotiate; the mediator may be munication issues. cess that works best for the divorcing a lawyer, a mental-health profes- • Collaborative divorce is flexible: couple and allows them to move for- sional, or other trained individual. parties can create innovative agree- ward to achieve the best outcomes for • The mediator has no power to ments that suits their family’s unique themselves – and their children, if any. decide the case, but will guide you needs. Make sure to find out as much as you to create your own agreement. • Unless it breaks down – returning can about the pros and cons of each pro- • The process is flexible and encour- the divorcing couple to square one cess before deciding which one is right ages cooperation rather than adver- – collaborative divorce is usually for you.  sarial winner/loser mindsets. more efficient than litigation. • There is no obligation to hire a law- • Collaborative divorce is gener- yer or other adviser – although each ally less expensive than litiga- Adrienne Rothstein Grace spouse is highly advised to review tion. Parties share the expense of a (CFP®, CLTC, CDFA™) final documents with a lawyer financial, parenting, or other expert, brings 30 years of finan- before signing an agreement. rather than each having to hire their cial advisory experience • Mediation is efficient: unless it own, competing expert. to clients in transition. breaks down, it is less time-con- Her holistic approach to suming than litigation. Litigation financial transition plan- • Mediation is inexpensive compared This may be the only option in cases ning guides clients through prudent to litigation. where the parties cannot work together, preparation as well as rebuilding post- • Mediation is empowering: you and or where there is a power imbalance or divorce. www.transitioningfinances.com your spouse decide what’s best for history of abuse. Generally all plead- you and your family, rather than ings are public records. This is the least asking a judge to decide. private and most expensive of the processes, and often involves the highest Related Articles Collaboration level of conflict. If a couple wants to work together to • Each spouse is represented by Divorce Dispute Resolution: reach a resolution out of court, but feel his/her own lawyer, who acts as Choosing the Right Method they need their own lawyer to help an advocate for that client’s best Which divorce process is right them do so, then collaborative divorce interests. for you: mediation, arbitration, may be a good choice for them. All • Lawyers negotiate on behalf of their collaboration, litigation, or pro se? documents prepared for the collabora- clients rather than clients working Here’s an overview of the options at tive negotiations, as well as all matters through the issues themselves. your disposal. discussed in the sessions, are confiden- • If negotiation betweens the lawyers www.divorcemag.com/articles/ tial. Only the final judgment is a public fails to produce an agreement, then divorce-dispute-resolution- document. the case goes to court where a judge choosing-the-right-method • Each spouse retains his/her own will decide how each issue will be specially-trained collaborative law- resolved. The First Legal Steps To Divorce yer to offer legal advice and support. • The schedule is dependent on the Some information and a handy • Spouses and lawyers sign a “no courts. In some jurisdictions, you checklist to help you set goals and court” agreement (lawyers must can wait a year for a court date – think about options as you move withdraw if the process breaks and then get bumped when the forward with your divorce – and life. down), encouraging all parties to case before yours takes longer than www.divorcemag.com/articles/the- work towards resolution without expected. first-legal-steps-to-divorce the threat of court. • This is usually the most expensive • Spouses and lawyers negotiate option in terms of both time and 5 Ways to Minimize Divorce together in “four-way” meetings. money – especially if the case goes Costs • Collaborative lawyers may rec- to court. The overall cost of a divorce depends ommend involving collaborative • Litigation can level the playing field on a myriad of factors. With every professionals – such as a Certified if there’s a real power imbalance, if case, whether “simple” or complex, Divorce Financial Analyst™ to there’s a chance that the financially- there are ways to minimize the cost illuminate the financial issues, or savvy spouse is manipulating or of litigation. a marriage and family therapist to hiding assets, or if one spouse is www.divorcemag.com/blog/5- act as coach to help the divorcing genuinely afraid of the other. ways-to-minimize-divorce-costs couple move beyond roadblocks One of the most important decisions

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/separa on-divorce-process | 17 legalissues

How to Choose the Right Divorce Lawyer

HereH are the thihtti eight questions you should hldkbf ask before meeting tii withth a lawyer,ldth and the 12 questions to ask during your introductory interview to help you find the right divorce lawyer.

By Donna M. Cheswick, Divorce Financial Analyst

n order to choose a good divorce the idea of questioning a highly-trained asking questions. A good lawyer will lawyer, a large part of your introduc- professional intimidating. value an informed and proactive cli- Itory interview will involve asking When interviewing a divorce law- ent. Also, lawyers are in business, and questions about their expertise, fees, and yer, don’t be apprehensive or nervous, you are a potential customer who may philosophy. Like many, you may ﬁ nd or worry that you’re insulting them by ultimately pay thousands of dollars in

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/Legal-Issues | 18 services. You want to act responsibly by the time to answer respectfully, and be You should never feel pressured being selective so that you feel comfort- sure you understand their responses. to “sign on the dotted line” before you able and confident in your choice. Complimentary consultations are usu- have educated yourself and have enough ally quite short, so you should be pre- information to make an informed deci- pared to pay the lawyer’s hourly fee sion. One of the biggest determining 8 Questions Before You Meet once the free period is up. factors in how your divorce will pro- Obtain some preliminary information ceed are the choices you make in how about the lawyer you are thinking of you plan to divorce, and the lawyer and hiring before you meet with them. This 12 Questions for the Initial other professionals that you will use to will allow you to familiarize yourself Interview help you get there.  with their practice – and weed out the During your initial interview, con- ones whose philosophies are incompat- sider asking the following additional ible with your own. Visit the lawyer’s questions. If not, be sure to get them Donna Cheswick website, and then call their office to ask answered before hiring the lawyer: (CDFA™) helps clients a few basic questions, such as: 1. What is your preferred strategy/ and their lawyers under- 1. What percentage of their business is philosophy for handling a divorce stand the financial com- in family law? case (a lamb, a pit-bull, or a fox)? plexities surrounding 2. How long have they been practicing 2. What percentage of your cases end divorce. She facilitates as a family lawyer? up in court? What percentage of and teaches monthly 3. Does their practice include alterna- your cases settle out of court? Divorce Workshops for Women, and she tives such as collaborative law, or 3. What do you think I could expect has published articles on divorce and do they encourage the use of outside to pay (if you’re the higher wage finances for national print and online alternate dispute resolution/media- earner) or receive (if you’re the media. www.medallion-wealth.com tion to minimize costs? lower wage earner) in spousal sup- 4. Do they have an introductory com- port and/or child support? plimentary consultation? If so, how 4. Can you give me a realistic expec- much time is allotted? tation of what is typical with cases Related Articles 5. What is their hourly rate, and in what similar to mine? time increments do they bill? 5. Do you foresee any problems aris- Do I Really Need a Lawyer? 6. Do they provide itemized invoices ing in my case? A do-it-yourself divorce is by far showing costs incurred and retainer 6. Do you charge extra for copies, fil- the cheapest option, but be careful balance? ing fees, and other fees? not to mortgage your future just 7. What is the minimum retainer, and 7. What is your preferred method of because you want to get the whole is it refundable if not used? How is communication (phone call/email), thing over with in an economical replenishing that retainer handled and what is your response time to manner. during the course of your case? communications with your office? www.divorcemag.com/articles/do- 8. Are they a solo practitioner or do 8. Do you recommend working with i-really-need-a-lawyer they have other lawyers at the firm? other professionals such as a certi- Once you select a lawyer to inter- fied divorce financial analyst, busi- 5 Reasons to Hire a Divorce view, prepare a brief written overview ness valuator, forensic accountant, Lawyer of your current situation (length of or coach/therapist if needed? Choosing to represent yourself in marriage, problems leading to the deci- 9. Can you provide long-range fore- court instead of hiring a divorce sion to divorce, actions taken so far, a casts of what I should expect my lawyer could be a costly mistake. summary of your marital assets/debts, future will look like for a potential Here’s why. number and ages of dependent children, marital settlement agreement? www.divorcemag.com/articles/5- and any other complicating issues that 10. May I have a copy of your retainer reasons-to-hire-a-divorce-lawyer might apply) and a list of questions to agreement, engagement letter, or ask the lawyer before your interview. other contract you require so that WATCH: 10 Tips on How to This will help keep the meeting on I can review it before agreeing to Choose a Divorce Lawyer track – and also help to prevent you retain your services? A short video explaining how to from getting overly emotional. During 11. Will you provide me with copies choose the right divorce lawyer to your interview, a good divorce lawyer of correspondence and legal docu- suit your unique needs. should make an effort to put you at ease, ments pertaining to my case? www.divorcemag.com/blog/how-to- use language you can understand, lis- 12. What documents do you need from choose-a-divorce-lawyer ten patiently to your questions and take me in order to get started?

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/Legal-Issues | 19 legalissues

5 Rules for Successfully Negotiating a Divorce Settlement The fallout from going back on a negotiated term in your divorce settlement could have costly ramifications – both financially and on your family – and it could ultimately kill the agreement.

By Mary Krauel, Mediator and Financial Professional

oing through divorce and separa- painfully overwhelming, time-con- by doing things that sabotage – or tion can be an emotional, painful, suming, stressful, and ﬁ nancially-crip- even kill – their settlement. Although Goverwhelming, time-consuming, pling experience? It is worth repeating these negative experiences cannot stressful, and, for many, a financially- because sometimes folks are so caught be totally eliminated, they can be crippling experience. Did I mention up in their anger, frustration, and fear mitigated if couples can follow some that divorce can be an emotional, that they make it even more painful simple Divorce Rules.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-media on | 20 High-Quality Family Law Solutions Backed by 110 Years of Experience

L to R: Michele E. D’Onofrio, Amy Zylman Shimalla, Amy Wechsler, Heidi Ann Lepp

Divorce Lawyers Dedicated Solely marital assets. We are committed to providing high-quality to New Jersey Family Law legal representation that yields favorable results in an effi cient With over 110 years of combined family law experience, you and timely manner. can trust our attorneys to craft effective solutions that offer long-term security for your family. A boutique fi rm solely Trained in All Aspects of practicing family law, Shimalla, Wechsler, Lepp & D’Onofrio, LLP, Alternative Dispute Resolution provides exceptional counsel on all divorce matters. No mat- Three of our partners are certifi ed by the Supreme Court ter how your case is brought to a resolution, we will defend of New Jersey as Certifi ed Matrimonial Law Attorneys, and your rights and best interests at every stage of the process, and we have a record of accomplishment practicing a variety of seek the best solutions to every aspect of your divorce. dispute resolution methods. All four of our attorneys have lec- tured and presented at the New Jersey State Bar Associations Dependable Legal Guidance and the New Jersey Institute for Continuing Legal Education. Tailored to Your Needs Our lawyers are trained in You deserve knowledgeable legal counsel to ensure you make mediation, arbitration, and col- informed decisions that will positively shape your future. Our laborative divorce, and have the divorce lawyers provide the individual attention required to resources to help your family develop a personalized strategy focused on your specifi c goals. avoid an unnecessary trial. Our We offer expert guidance, practical advice, and recommenda- fi rm received a First Tier rank- tions. We also work with clients to establish realistic expecta- ing in New Jersey Family Law tions regarding the various legal options at their disposal. Our Mediation by U.S. News - Best approach to practicing family law is based on a dedication to Lawyers® for the Sixth Edition of minimizing the stress divorce has on our clients so that you Best Law Firms*. may focus on rebuilding your future.

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*Best Lawyers® inclusion is based entirely on peer-review. Information on the selection process can be found at htt p://bestlawﬁ rms.usnews.com/ methodology.aspx. No aspect of this advertisement has been approved by the Supreme Court of New Jersey. Rule #1: Don’t Renege on one term now calls into question all other options and negotiate a different outcome, Decisions Made terms that had been agreed upon – espe- and there has been no perceived breach to When I begin a mediation process with a cially if some of those terms were made derail the process. divorcing couple, I review several divorce as a concession to both parties’ agreeing to I always like to give clients the benefit rules with them that I use to guide them the term now being revisited. At its worst, of the doubt and expect that they’re enter- to a fair and reasonable settlement. One the other party may reject all terms and ing into a divorce settlement negotiation of the most critical is that once you’ve bring the negotiations back to square one. with the intent to be fair and reasonable. reached agreement on a term in your set- All that time and effort to date may have In the situation noted in Rule 4, I think the tlement, don’t renege or backtrack. been wasted, and more time and money husband believed he could improve the When couples enter mediation, there will be expended to get back on track. One deal for himself by raising the change late is often little or no trust between the par- or both parties may no longer wish to be – expecting his wife would wish to avoid ties. A key element of my process is to cooperative, and may be just mad enough legal costs at the eleventh hour and just build trust between the parties during to quit mediation or negotiation and instruct agree to get the divorce over with. Time the mediation by having them take small divorce lawyers to take their case to court. will tell if his was a gamble worth taking steps. Those steps come in the form of financially, and at the risk of embittering agreements reached on terms during the Rule #4: Live the Commitment the relationship further with his wife. Did course of the process. As they continue to for Real I mention they have adult children? What agree on terms, they see success – which It is usual for folks to take a step forward cost and impact do you think this will then allows them to make bigger deci- and then one back: this is part of mediation have on them? sions more easily as they start to trust the as parties ride the roller-coaster of divorce. If you have negotiated a settlement and process and each other. Once an agreement Hopefully, the steps back are fewer than are thinking about changing your mind, has been reached on an issue, both parties the steps forward. On rare occasions, a think twice. If you don’t want to be like view it as closed. Often, this is the building step back happens at the end of the pro- those clients of mine, don’t say yes unless block for other decisions that need to be cess when the settlement agreement has you really mean it.  made. If either party changes their mind, been drafted and sent out to the parties for recants, or wishes to vary the term, the review and approval. That happened with other party will view that as a breach of one of my clients – an older couple who As an experienced divorce the agreement. It doesn’t matter that there had been married for more than 30 years mediator, Mary Krauel isn’t a signed and executed agreement yet: and had a very long history of “broken (CPA, CA, EMBA, CDFA™, the parties had reached agreement on that promises.” When the husband decided at B Math) through her firm term, and there was a mutual understand- this late stage to change significantly terms PRM Mediation helps clients ing that it would ultimately become a part of spousal support – already an emotional in the Greater Toronto Area of the formal separation agreement. term – it was like Mount Vesuvius erupted. and London, Ontario medi- “Liar” and “dishonest” were some of the ate financial and parenting decisions Rule #2: Do Not Self-Sabotage milder terms used by the wife, who felt her instead of litigating in an adversarial What is self-sabotage? This is not a trick former spouse was once again demonstrat- legal system. www.prmmediation.com question, nor is it rocket science. Self- ing the behavior of their marriage. Sadly, sabotage is simply doing something that her anger and belief that her husband had will negatively impact you. I raise this no intention of honoring the mediated set- because people are often unaware how tlement resulted in her pursuing a divorce Related Article impactful their actions (like backtracking lawyer to fight for her. on decisions), comments, and behavior 7 Steps to Making Wise can be – or how it can trigger a negative Rule #5: It is Better to Say No the Decisions While Divorcing reaction in someone else. In divorce situa- First Time Than to Renege Later Divorce raises complex issues: tions, this awareness is further clouded by Parties are often anxious to get their settle- how to handle housing, finances, the visceral emotions people feel. ment over and done with. Dragging it out is children. Surging feelings make it stressful and can be costly, but this needs to hard to make decisions – yet this is Rule #3: Do Not Breach the Trust be balanced with having enough time and when you most need to make them All the trust that may have been regained information to make decisions you can live wisely! These 7 steps will help you through the process is either lost or severely with. I tell my clients that it is far better to use your mind and heart to make impaired because of a breach (see Rules 1 hesitate, take time to think about it, and feel tough choices well. and 2 for examples). Accusations follow, committed to a decision – whether a “yes” www.divorcemag.com/blog/7- and old history of former breaches of trust or a “no” – rather than making a decision steps-to-making-wise-decisions- in the relationship are revisited, all giving and then changing your mind later. Saying while-divorcing- fuel to emotions once again. Changing just no allows the parties to consider other

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-media on | 21 financialissues Tax Tips and Traps

Here are two topics you’d probably rather not think about: divorce and taxes. If you’re separated or newly divorced, however, it could be worth your while to get some good financial advice about both.

By Diana Shepherd, Divorce Financial Analyst

Spousal Support Also known in some jurisdictions as “alimony” or “maintenance,” spousal support is typically treated as taxable income to the person receiving it and tax-deductible for the person paying it. Before deciding whether a specific amount is going to work, you need to know what the actual out-of-pocket cost is if you’re the payor or the net

.../Continued on page 24

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/ﬁ nancial-issues | 22 We build better websites. Period.

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Contact Us for Your Free Initial Marketing Consultation • 866.803.6667 x 124 [email protected] of Contents | .com Directory • www.DivorceMarketingGroup.com| 23 Tax Tips / Continued from page 24 Third-Party Payments Truro, Nova Scotia. “This inequity is Usually, payments must be made exacerbated by the fact that, often, it is amount that you’ll receive if you’re the directly to the recipient to be classified the payor of the spousal support who payee. For example, if paying $30,000 as support. But what if you’re going would benefit more from being able in spousal support annually, how much to be paying child or spousal support to deduct legal fees, as that person is is that $30,000 going to cost you after to an ex who has a genuine problem most often in the higher tax bracket.” factoring in the tax deduction? And, with money – a gambling addiction, Find out if you can deduct any of if you’re receiving the $30,000, how for instance? “Third-party or specific- the divorce-related professional fees much of that will you have to pay purpose payments can be considered before you file your taxes. in taxes? For payments to qualify as support payments under certain cir- spousal support, they must meet a cumstances,” says Mary Krauel (CPA, Filing Status number of requirements; make sure EMBA, CDFA™), who practices in “Filing status is often more important you’ve met them all. the Greater Toronto Area and London, than dependency exemptions: someone Ontario. “Specific-purpose payments filing as a Head of Household (HOH) Child Support may include rent, property taxes, can claim a higher standard deduction Generally speaking, child support insurance premiums, and educational and lower tax rates than a single filer,” is non-taxable income to the person or medical expenses for the benefit says Heather Smith Linton (CPA, receiving it and it is not tax-deductible of the recipient.” This is helpful in CFP, CVA, CDFA™), who practices by the person paying it. If you’re going settlements where there is concern that in Durham, North Carolina. “This to be paying both spousal and child the support payments will be used by can often translate into more of a tax support, you may be tempted to lump the recipient for necessary expenses savings than a dependency deduction. both payments together and call them while at the same time preserving the A couple needs to have at least two “spousal support” so you can claim a deductibility for the payor, she adds. children to make this strategy work,” bigger tax deduction. Sorry to burst “To guarantee deductibility – clearly she continues. “The general rule for your bubble, but the IRS and CRA are state it in the agreement.” filing as HOH is that an unmarried wise to this “strategy,” which could taxpayer would have to maintain a land you in serious hot water! You can Divorce-Related Fees household that is the principal place also end up owing back taxes, penal- In the US, you can deduct the por- of abode for over half the year for a ties, and interest if your support pay- tion of fees paid to divorce-industry qualifying child.” According to Justin ments are not structured correctly in professionals (e.g., lawyers, actuar- Reckers (CFP, CDFA™), who prac- your divorce agreement. In the US, if ies, accountants, or appraisers) for tax tices in San Diego, California, the spousal support is reduced or termi- advice or for help in getting spousal HOH filing status strategy is a simple nated because of a contingency related support. In Canada, you can deduct and elegant way to reduce overall tax to a child (such as a child attaining a legal fees paid to establish, increase, bills and even has some other benefits. specific age or income level, dying, or collect support payments; how- “HOH filing status comes with tax marrying, leaving school, or gaining ever, only the recipient of support brackets identical to those available employment), it can be reclassified as may claim these deductions – not the to the Married Filing Jointly scenario, child support. There are many other payor. “There is an inequity in the but also allows for each party to the ways the IRS could reclassify some or deductibility of legal fees paid by the divorce to file separate tax returns,” all of the deductible spousal support recipient of support payments ver- he says. Inquire about the require- you have paid as non-deductible child sus the payor,” points out Karen ments for claiming HOH to see support; make sure your agreement Archibald (CDFA™, CGA, doesn’t contain one of these hidden MBA), who practices in traps before you sign it.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/ﬁ nancial-issues | 24 that year or allowable refundable tax If you are still filing joint returns credits – whichever yields the larger benefit,” says Karen Archibald. “For with your spouse, make sure example, Sally and Joe separated on September 1, and Joe pays Sally $300 to review your tax return before each month in deductible support. Joe would be far better off claiming the signing on the dotted line. spousal credit of $10,527 versus the support of $1,200.” Of course, there are different tax credits and benefits in the USA and Canada, so find out what is available in your area and for your situation. if this strategy can work for you. be unable to claim tax relief. Karen Hallson-Kundel (CGA, CBV, CDFA™), The Last Word Joint Tax Returns who practices in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Since each case and each state or prov- If you are still filing joint returns with points out that the separation agreement ince may have different requirements, your spouse, make sure to review your must specifically identify the parent who rules, and guidelines, you should con- tax return before signing on the dot- will claim the child in order to preserve sult your Certified Divorce Financial ted line. “Remember – you will be the Eligible Dependant tax credit, for Analyst®, accountant, and/or family held liable for what is being reported, instance. “Families with two children lawyer for specific guidance about whether your spouse or a professional can structure the separation agreement how taxes could affect your property accountant prepared the form,” warns to indicate that each parent claims one settlement and support payments.  Carlton R. Marcyan (JD, MBA, CPA, child, effectively doubling the tax ben- CFP, CDFA™), a partner at Schiller efit,” she says. Terry Hawes (MBA, DuCanto & Fleck in Chicago, Illinois. CGA, CFE, CDFA™), who practices Diana Shepherd (CDFA™) “In my nearly 25 years of practicing in Port Moody, BC, adds that: “The is the co-founder and edi- law, I would estimate that two out Eligible Dependant Amount has specific torial director of Divorce of three spouses do not look at their caveats that must be met to qualify.” Magazine. For more tax returns before signing and are not This tax credit is often missed as information about how a aware of what they are consenting to.” practitioners and clients believe that CDFA™ professional can these conditions must exist for the entire help you with the financial Tax Credits and Benefits year since separation or as of December aspects of your divorce, go to www. Make sure you’re taking advantage 31. In fact, the legislation states, “at institutedfa.com/divorce-information. of all possible tax credits and benefits any time in the year. This strategy is during and after divorce; if your agree- often available in the year of separa- ment isn’t structured correctly, you may tion to multiply the tax credit.” In the Related Articles year of separation, get your CDFA™ or accountant to crunch the numbers to Potential Tax Filing Statuses for see whether you should be claiming the U.S. Divorcing Couples spousal support or any allowable tax Choosing a tax filing status for credits. “If you pay support and divorcing couples in the U.S. may you are were separated for not be as automatic as you think. only part of the year, you www.divorcemag.com/blog/ may claim either the potential-tax-filing-statuses-for- deductible sup- divorcing-couples port paid 5 Tax Traps to Avoid During Divorce How to avoid five key tax traps during the divorce process. www.divorcemag.com/articles/5- tax-traps-to-avoid-during-divorce

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/ﬁ nancial-issues | 25 Common Divorce Questions

Answers to some of the more frequently- asked questions about the divorce process in New Jersey and New York.

rights, or the court will decide these end of their marriage as a business Legal Issues issues for them. proposition that requires an equi- 2. Strong emotions – anger, grief, sad- table sharing of assets and appropri- I’m thinking of ﬁ ling for divorce. Do ness, hostility, even denial – are ate assessment of support rights and you have any initial advice? regular ingredients in every divorce. obligations, and implementation of These many emotions are the key a parenting plan that recognizes that John E. Finnerty. Jr., a family law- reasons the divorce process can be each parent is entitled to continue a yer in Fair Lawn, answers: so unpredictable, lengthy, and costly. relationship with the children and, Here are the ten things you should Professional counseling – even a most importantly, that their children know before ﬁ ling for divorce: small amount of it, before, during, need both of them. 1. During a divorce, a couple must or even after the divorce process – 4. `New Jersey has no-fault and fault resolve their economic relationship can help the participants of divorce grounds for divorce. The reasons – including distribution of property get through it. that you state for filing for divorce in they acquired during the marriage, 3. To the extent that spouses allow their your divorce papers (extreme cruelty and setting appropriate alimony and emotions to affect their decision- or no-fault separation, for example) child-support obligations. They must making in divorce, they will enrich are usually accepted at face value by fix a parenting plan with respect to their lawyers – and impoverish them- the court. The court normally does access to their children and custodial selves. Litigants must approach the not care who or what was responsible

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22a for breaking up the marriage. (That before going to trial. before deciding that they want to be was not the case 30 years ago, prior 9. You will be expected to fill out a self-represented. to the passage of no-fault divorce Case Information Statement, which I encourage mediation. That’s a laws; back then, some judges used is a court-approved form that con- process in which the parties meet with to lecture spouses about the need tains significant information about a neutral third party, and then they liter- to keep a marriage together, and your economic life, including life- ally just go to the lawyer at the end to occasionally, judges would deny a style expenses, assets, liabilities, review the agreement they’ve created divorce request.) Marital misconduct income, health insurance, and other to make sure it’s both fair and legal. may become relevant with respect insurance benefits and the like. Both Mediation can be a good alternative if a primarily to parenting issues. sides must complete these forms. person doesn’t feel that they can aff ord 5. While it may be tempting to try to They are a critical part of the case an attorney throughout the process. avoid the expense of representation, because the courts rely upon them, in www.charnylaw.com virtually no one (not counselors or part, in the event the litigants cannot even judges) recommends that you come to a consensual resolution. You What is the difference between enter into the divorce process with- may need to retain experts to value Collaborative practice and a tradi- out the advice or representation of a assets and you have an absolute right tional litigated divorce? reputable divorce attorney. A good under court rules to do so. attorney will recognize the important 10. No one can make up your mind Amy Zylman Shimalla, a family issues of your divorce quickly and about whether to initiate a divorce. lawyer in Warren, answers: intelligently, and help you focus on Many professionals familiar with The main diff erence is that, in a and achieve the results you’ll both the divorce process every day see Collaborative divorce, the parties and want and need, consistent with the individuals who are considering their lawyers commit to reaching a com- parameters within the system or the divorce, but who have great diffi- prehensive marital settlement agree- judge assigned to your case. Having culty making up their minds about ment without seeking intervention by no representation or advisor, espe- doing so. Second thoughts are nor- the court. The parties and their lawyers cially when substantial assets are mal. Consider consulting a profes- meet privately, according to a schedule involved, is widely regarded as just sional therapist or psychologist to that works for the parties. They might plain foolish. sort out the many complex emotions employ other team members, such as 6. “Digging in your heels” always costs of divorce before you even begin the a mental-health expert in the role of a more. It may sometimes be worth legal process. divorce coach or child specialist; or a it, but a large amount of time and www.familylaw-nj.com fi nancial specialist such as a certifi ed expense goes into the divorce pro- fi nancial planner to help address fi nan- cess when two sides refuse to com- Many people consider handling their cial issues, or a forensic accountant in municate on basic issues. own divorce rather than hiring an the event there is a business to value 7. Bergen County expects you to attend attorney. Do you think self-represen- or cash-fl ow to determine. These other a two-hour presentation on the effects tation is a good idea? team members are also trained collab- of divorce on children. You’ll will oratively and work within the confi nes sit with a small number of the other Judith S. Charny, a family lawyer of the confi dential collaborative pro- 12,000 people (6,000 couples) who in Mount Laurel, answers: cess. Information is exchanged volun- file for divorce in Bergen County I don’t think it’s a good idea, espe- tarily between the parties, rather than every year, and you’ll receive a cially if there are children involved. via formal discovery. Each meeting is lecture and watch a video on the Because most divorcing people don’t scheduled with a defi ned purpose to be importance of communication and really understand the law, they don’t achieved. commitment to proper child-rearing understand what they’re negotiating In litigation, the parties present during and after a divorce. for or against. Many people have mis- their family’s disputes to be decided 8. During the divorce process, the conceptions about the law. There are by the court. Oftentimes, parties must Bergen County Court system will people who come for consultations who apply to the court to have the judge expect you and your lawyer to have read things online; sometimes, set temporary parenting schedules and show up for Case Management what they’re read isn’t very accurate temporary support to be followed while Conferences to report on the prog- or it doesn’t apply to their particular the case is pending. Formal discovery ress of your case to the court. After a situation, but they don’t realize that. If is conducted by way of interrogato- few months, if no progress is made in they don’t have the money to have an ries (notices to produce documents reaching a settlement, the court will attorney complete their entire divorce, and depositions) all in accord with assign you a trial date. Most divorce they should at least have a consultation cases (about 95 out of 100) settle so that they understand what’s involved .../Continued on page 22d

Table22b | of www.divorcemag.com Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22b Thinking divorce? Think initial consultation ﬁrst.

If you’re considering a divorce, an initial attorney consultation could be one of the most important steps to this life-changing event.

165 East Main St., Denville, NJ | (973) 627-7300 | EinhornHarris.com

Table of Contents | .com Directory Continued from page 22b unmarried parents on matters of child primary caregiver is lost. To secure custody and child support. The diff er- custody, you must educate the Court on time-frames set by the court. Often, ences between how unmarried parents the risk posed to the children. Discuss each party retains his or her own and divorced parents go about establish- length of sobriety, risk behaviors (e.g., experts, which could involve a foren- ing support and custody orders are, for DWIs ), and most importantly, what has sic accountant to trace assets or value the most part, procedural. For example, been the children’s experience of their a party’s interest in a business, and/or unmarried parents fi le custody and sup- mother’s drinking? Are they aware? to involve forensic psychologists to port claims with NJ’s Non-Dissolution Have they moderated behavior to com- determine the best interests of the child Unit, which handles matters relating to pensate for her addiction? This infor- in disputed custody cases. The timing custody, parenting time, paternity, child mation often tips the scales in favor of of the process is dictated by the courts. support, spousal support, modifi cations the non-addicted spouse. The parties and counsel are required to of existing orders, and emancipation www.newjerseydyfsdefense.com make numerous court appearances to for unmarried parties or for married attend case management conferences, couples who have not yet fi led for a What are the Child Support early settlement panels, and intensive divorce. Guidelines? Are they meant to cover settlement conferences over the course In cases where paternity of a child all expenses related to children? of many months, if not years, prior to is questioned or uncertain, the state has proceeding to trial. in place a process for determining legal James M. DeStefano, a family law- In contrast, very often in a col- paternity. Once paternity is in place, yer in Denville, answers: laborative case, a resolution is reached custody and visitation rights can be The Child Support Guidelines are a within a few months. In a collaborative decided. The standards of determining set of guiding principles that were devel- divorce, couples achieve a resolution custody in New Jersey is based on cre- oped to assist courts with the establish- that they decide is best for their family, ating a custody arrangement and parent- ment and modifi cation of child support the terms of which they have worked ing-time plan that are in the best interest awards. Typically, the underlying prin- together to craft with the help of the of the child. When calculating support, ciples of Child Support Guidelines are: professionals they retain. Parties who the courts apply the NJ Child Support (1) child support is a duty of both par- make these decisions for themselves Guidelines. Like married/divorced parents, (2) children are entitled to the sup- are better able to move forward in their ents, unmarried parents may consider port – not the parent, and (3) children post-divorce life and to co-parent their mediation and other methods of alter- should not be the economic victim of a children and adjust to their new, sepa- native dispute resolution to arrive at divorce or out-of-wedlock birth. rate lives with the assistance of their custody and support agreements. In New Jersey, the Child Support “team members,” if necessary. In litiga- www.weinbergerlawgroup.com Guidelines are applied in all actions, tion, there is far more collateral damage contested and uncontested, in which to the family relationships and fi nances My wife is an alcoholic. I want to leave the issue of child support must be deter- because each side is trying to “win” his her, but I’m worried that I won’t get mined. When calculating child support, or her case, at the expense of the other custody of our kids. Are the courts a Court will generally consider the party, and often by criticizing and dis- still reluctant to grant sole custody following: (1) the gross income of the paraging the other party. The result- to fathers? custodial parent; (2) the gross income ing scars impact the parties and their of the non-custodial parent; (3) alimony children for years after the divorce. Allison C. Williams, a family law- or spousal support payments made from www.cswlawnj.com yer in Union, answers: one spouse to the other; (4) the number Custody is determined by con- of overnights the non-custodial parent sideration of several statutory factors. exercises with the child(ren); (5) the Children’s Issues Common sense and practical experi- amount either or both parties spend on ence plays a much larger role than many the child’s share of health insurance How is custody and child support legal theorists might have you believe. premiums; (6) work-related childcare decided when dealing with children The goal for most judges is to minimize expenses; (7) any mandatory deduc- of unmarried parents? change for the children, if possible. So tions from a party’s income including, the primary caregiver during the mar- but not limited to, union dues, manda- Bari Z. Weinberger, a family riage usually has a huge advantage. tory pension contributions, etc.; and (8) Lawyer in Parsippany, answers: The key exception to this concerns whether a child receives governmental When it comes to a child’s right risk. No matter who was more involved benefi ts. This list is not exhaustive. to have the care and support of both during the marriage, an alcoholic Once your attorney or the court parents, New Jersey family law does may present such a substantial risk to not discriminate between married and children that the advantage of being .../Continued on page 22f

22dTable | of www.divorcemag.com Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22d Front Row (L to R): James C. Jensen, Christine M. Dalena, William M. Laufer, Kimberly N. Gronau Boyd, Joseph P. Cadicina | Back Row (L to R): Julie R. Katz, Terryann K. Bradley, Gregory D.R. Behringer, John J. Harper, Laurence J. Cutler, Mario N. Delmonaco, Michelle A. Benedek, Alexis Nicole Laufer, Carly DiFrancisco LAUFER, DALENA, CADICINA, JENSEN & BOYD, L.L.C. Experienced Family Law Attorneys

LAUFER, DALENA, CADICINA, JENSEN & BOYD, L.L.C. 23 Cattano Ave., Morristown, NJ 07960 • PH: (973) 285-1444 • FX: (973) 285-0271 www.lauferfamilylaw.com • [email protected]

A S A F Table of Contents | .com Directory Continued from page 22d This list is not exhaustive. the expenses covered by child support When child support is established, vary from state to state, so a recipient is in receipt of the above referenced the party receiving child support will of child support should review the rules information, your attorney or the court use the money received for the chil- specifi c to their home state to determine will be in a position to calculate a par- dren’s expenses. In New Jersey, child what child support is meant to cover. ty’s child-support obligation. In New support generally covers the child’s I would urge you to speak to an Jersey, the Child Support Guidelines share of food (food and non-alcoholic experienced matrimonial attorney if are used as a rebuttable presumption to beverages, restaurants, etc.), housing you are in the process of a divorce or establish and/or modify a child support (rent, mortgage payments, utilities, contemplating a divorce. With full and award. A rebuttable presumption means etc.), clothing (all clothing, footwear, accurate disclosures, your attorney will that a child support award based on the dry cleaning, laundry, diapers, etc.), be able to advise you as to your rights Child Support Guidelines is assumed to transportation (owning or leasing a and obligations as they relate not only to be correct unless a party to the litigation vehicle, gas, repairs, parking costs, child support, but to other issues arising can prove that an award of child support public transportation, etc.), entertain- from the dissolution of your marriage. award based on the guidelines inappro- ment (memberships, athletic expenses, www.einhornharris.com priate. The following are examples of music lessons, equipment, games, hob- circumstances where an award based bies etc.), non-reimbursed health care solely on the child support guidelines expenses up to $250 per year, and other Financial Issues would be inappropriate: (1) when the miscellaneous expenses (personal care parties exercise a true 50/50 custody products, books, magazines, school Can I receive spousal support before arrangement; (2) when a child is over supplies). In New Jersey, paragraph 8 the divorce is fi nal? the age of 18 years of age and resides of Appendix IX–A of the New Jersey away at college; and (3) extreme paren- Court Rules sets forth in detail exactly William J. Rudnick, a family law- tal income situations (i.e. obligors with what is included in child support. yer in Annandale, answers: a net income less than the U.S. Poverty Most states have literature that delin- Yes, you can receive spousal Guidelines or if the parents combined eates exactly what is covered by their support before the divorce is fi nal. net income exceeds a certain threshold). Child Support Guidelines. Of course, Typically, prior to the divorce being fi nalized, support is called pendente lite support (which means while the case is pending). Pendente lite support may Put Your Ad Here! reference a portion as being spousal and on www.DivorceMagazine.com support and a separate portion being child support, if applicable. Or it may Check out our special advertising packages for: say the support is unallocated, which means it is meant to cover both spousal support and child support, but a specifi c breakdown is not provided. The key issue in regard to support while a case is pending is whether or not the support will or will not be taxable as alimony. In New Jersey, parties, their attorneys, or the court should be specifi c as to whether support is taxable or non-taxable to avoid any confusion. If there is no language in an agreement or court order that specifi cally notes spousal support or unallocated support as being • Family Lawyers • Certified Public Accountants non-taxable, it is assumed it is taxable • Family Mediators • Forensic Accountants to the recipient and tax-deductible to • Financial Planners • Family Therapists the payor. • Certified Divorce Financial Analysts • Real Estate Agents You do not have to go to court to obtain spousal support if you and your spouse can reach an agreement on Contact Dan Couvrette (866) 803-6667 Ext. 124 • [email protected] .../Continued on page 22h

Table22f | of www.divorcemag.com Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22f Back row (l to r): Sheryl J. Seiden, Lizanne J. Ceconi Front row (l to r): Kimberly A. Rennie, Cary B. Cheifetz A Principled Approach

Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F Continued from page 22f income at the time of the fi nal judgment they can choose to use that date instead. of divorce. It is important to have sup- Separate property is property that’s support. If an agreement is reached, a port at a level that is appropriate while a either acquired prior to the marriage or consent order can be prepared and fi led divorce is pending so that neither party was acquired by another means: such with the court; if an agreement is not has an incentive to drag out the case or as a gift from someone other than your reached, then you need to fi le a motion prolong the process because they are spouse, an inheritance, or something requesting that the court order spou- better off while the case is pending then that was acquired through non-marital sal support. As part of the motion, a they would be after the fi nal judgment. eff orts of the other party. detailed budget demonstrating the spe- www.gklegal.com www.leslielawfi rm.com cifi c need for spousal support must be provided. Typically, if ordered by the What is considered marital property How can I keep my legal bills under court, support is retroactive to when a and what is considered separate prop- control? motion is fi led. erty in New Jersey? The amount of support paid on Lizanne J. Ceconi, a family lawyer a pendente lite basis, or prior to the Alison C. Leslie, a family lawyer in Summit, answers: divorce being fi nal, is not necessarily in Morristown, answers: The key to managing your legal indicative of the amount of support that In New Jersey, marital property is bills is organization and participation. may be paid after the divorce by way considered to be any property acquired As the client, you should be part of the of alimony. Prior to the divorce being from the date of marriage to the date of team putting together your case. Since fi nalized, the court views maintaining the fi ling of the complaint for divorce most matrimonial fees are billed based the status quo as an important part of – unless the parties agree to a diff erent on the time spent, a client who is effi - the purpose of pendente lite support, but date of division. For example, some cient and prepared can help reduce this is not a factor in determining ali- people might not want to fi le a com- costs. mony. In addition, a court may be reluc- plaint for divorce and would rather The fi rst rule is that you should only tant to impute income to a party who mediate or delay the fi ling. If they have call your divorce attorney to discuss has been out of work while the divorce an agreement determining the cut-off is pending, but the party will be imputed date for the evaluation of the assets, .../Continued on page 22j

22hTable | of www.divorcemag.com Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22h “We guide you through the Finnerty, Canda & Concannon, P.C. process”

Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F Continued from page 22h

legal matters concerning the case. Too LESLIE LAW FIRM L.L.C. Family Law Attorney often, clients confuse the role of the family law attorney with their therapist. You should prepare a list of items to dis- Exclusive practice focused on family law. cuss with your divorce lawyer whether Divorce is an emotional time in your life. Your talking on the phone or meeting in per- situation is unique, and your case is impor- son; it will help you better focus on the tant. Whether your issues concern custody, case. This also ensures that you will spousal or child support, domestic violence, equitable distribution, or civil unions, Ms. cover all of your pressing issues and get Leslie’s experience and resolve to putting her the responses needed. clients’ rights first will help you achieve the If the family law attorney is not in best possible outcome in your divorce. when you call, leave a detailed message. • Attentive If the question can easily be answered • Experienced by staff , you can save the attorney’s Alison Leslie • Knowledgeable time and your money. If the divorce • Compassionate P.O. Box 1309 lawyer knows the reason for the call, a response may be communicated by staff 222 Ridgedale Avenue Member of the New Jersey State Bar Third Floor Family Law Section, Morris County Bar that saves on telephone billing time. Morristown, NJ 07962 Association, American Inns of Court. Don’t hesitate to use the services Tel: 973 631 8002 of an associate for the mundane or per- Fax: 973 984 1478 functory aspects of your case. By using [email protected] www.leslielawfirm.com an associate, you will be billed at lower hourly rates. The senior partner will still be available to review the matter, but will need less time to do so at the higher hourly rate. Another way of keeping your legal fees in check is to communicate with your divorce lawyer by email. It allows the client to focus on the issue and lets the family law attorney respond in writing. Often times, a distraught client may not “hear” the answer when told. The client can then refl ect upon what is being told in writing. But keep the Highly Skilled Matrimonial emails brief: a long e-mail may be too hard to answer with a quick turnaround. Attorneys Ready to Fight for You If you have a list of issues and developments in your case that need Founded in 1884, Gebhardt & Kiefer, P.C. is built on a legacy of providing to be discussed with your divorce law- trustworthy legal counsel to residents of Central and Western New Jersey. Our yer, schedule a telephone conference or matrimonial attorneys have 60 years’ combined experience and can help you meeting. Prepare and share an agenda obtain the best outcome for your family law matter. While relatively few family with your divorce attorney in advance law cases actually proceed to trial, our lawyers have tried cases to a successful so everyone knows what areas need to conclusion. We offer the resources of a larger law firm, while building a level of be covered. Limit the time of the meet- comfort and trust that is important to our clients. ing. Both the client and divorce lawyer Contact Our Attorneys for a Consultation are then better prepared to cover the topics. Finally, the more concise the infor- (908) 735-5161 • www.gklegal.com mation you provide your family law [email protected] 1318 Route 31 attorney, the less time will be needed to [email protected] PO Box 4001 [email protected] Clinton, NJ 08809 .../Continued on page 22l

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22j EXPERIENCE on yourside

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High Quality Legal Services for necessary financial acumen and compassionate Very Personal Matters commitment required to provide the best legal “In this economy, selecting representation to clients with substantial marital The Law Offices of Charny, Charny & Karpousis is an experienced and efficient estates and to help minimize the overall impact of one of South Jersey’s premier divorce and family divorce lawyer is more law firms. Led by Judith S. Charny, the firm’s divorce on family, business and everyday life. important than ever.” highly-recognized attorneys represent clients in all Offering Litigation, Mediation, Arbitration Judith S. Charny, Esq. aspects of family law matters, including divorce, and Collaborative Divorce Services Managing Partner custody, child support, college issues, alimony, While our team of family lawyers is seasoned equitable distribution, domestic violence, prenuptial litigators, Charny, Charny & Karpousis also offers Founded in 1999, the Law agreements and adoptions. We possess the skills to alternative services; including mediation, arbitration Offices of Charny, Charny & handle all types of family law matters regardless of and Collaborative Divorce which may be better Karpousis, P.A. is a Southern complexity. No matter is too big or too small for suited for some clients. The newest of these options our team of expert attorneys. New Jersey based practice with is Collaborative Divorce, an often welcomed change significant experience in divorce Experience & Efficiency that Counts to more traditional matrimonial litigation. Using a and family law. The firm At Charny, Charny & Karpousis, we integrate in- team approach focused on the future, each party is regularly provides assertive, represented by a specially trained Collaborative depth knowledge and more than 130 years of efficient and effective attorney, in a non-adversarial manner without going combined experience to provide each client with representation in divorce and to court. Often, collaboratively trained financial the highest quality guidance necessary to resolve family law matters. their family law matters. Well-respected by our advisors, child psychologists, family therapists and peers and the judiciary, we effectively and efficiently other experts assist with the process. The result is navigate the New Jersey court system and seek that private information is kept out of the public Contact us today for an initial expeditious resolutions to the difficult challenges record, children are better protected and soon to be consultation and allow us to put facing our clients. ex-spouses have greater control over the end result. our experience on your side. Minimizing the Impact of Compassionate and Practical Team Approach Charny, Charny & Karpousis, P.A. Divorce on Business 1300 Route 73, Suite 211 For South Jersey’s many business owners, Our firm's strength lies in our experience and Mount Laurel, NJ 08054 entrepreneurs and professionals, the firm has special dedication to our clients, their families, businesses, (856) 505-1700 expertise in divorce cases that involve the valuation and futures. Our attorneys are knowledgeable, [email protected] empathetic and effective communicators, while of privately owned businesses, real estate, medical www.charnylaw.com and other professional practices. We possess the being assertive, determined and practical advocates for our clients. Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F Continued from page 22j weren’t placed into a joint account. issue of the QDRO. The lesson here? In this instance, annual bonuses Follow through to ensure that not only properly prepare your case. Complete received during the marriage are com- is the QDRO prepared correctly, but is the “homework” given to you by your pensation for work performed during entered, too! divorce lawyer as best as you can. the marriage. In this regard, bonuses Not only should the QDRO be Gather your fi nancial documents in are treated the same as a regular pay- entered, but a certifi ed copy must be the beginning of the case including tax check that was received during the forwarded to the plan administrator, returns, fi nancial statements, bank state- course of the marriage. Regardless of which some attorneys have learned ments, checking account records, and whether those bonuses were deposited the hard way. In one such malprac- credit-card statements. Organize them in a separate account with only the hus- tice case, the attorney never sent in and produce chronological records band’s name or into a joint account, the QDRO to the plan, even though for the divorce lawyer. Organize your they remain joint marital property. As the attorney had the QDRO signed checking records to produce your bud- such, they are subject to equitable dis- by the judge. In this particular case, get. If you have access to Quicken or tribution and should be divided equally the husband died. No QDRO, no some other computer software program between you. distribution to the former spouse. that helps prepare budgets, complete www.lauferknapp.com www.vecon.com this information for your attorney. The client is the best “expert” to Must the parties, or their attorneys, Which credit-card debts am I respon- determine the parties’ lifestyle. If you wait until after a divorce to enter a sible for after divorce? do not have access to these records, QDRO? prepare a list for your attorney of what DebtWave Credit Counseling, a fi nancial accounts you believe were Tim Voit of Voit Econometrics nonprofit credit counseling agency, maintained during the marriage and the Group answers: answers: name of the accountant who may have A QDRO can be entered prior Many people are unsure of how prepared your tax returns. to or on the date the fi nal judgment is to handle outstanding credit-card debt A well-organized and proactive entered, and in fact, it is recommended after a divorce. Going through a divorce client not only saves fees, but is more to do so. Many believe that QDROs can can be messy, but there are neat guide- likely to realize his or her goals in the only be drafted after the fi nal judgment, lines that tell you which credit-card divorce process. which is why 90% of the QDROs we debts you are responsible for, which www.ccfamlaw.com receive are post-divorce. Nothing could should be handled by your former be further from the truth as the Internal spouse, and which debts you must share My husband received annual bonuses Revenue Code, as well as ERISA, and even after you’re separated. Credit- during our marriage which he put in even legislation aff ecting government card companies are in business to make a savings account in his name only. retirement plans, defi ne an alternate money, so they need to make sure that Are these funds considered marital payee as a spouse, former spouse, or someone pays outstanding balances on or separate property? dependent. In most cases, and with their credit cards. most plans, this does not limit the tim- If you and your former spouse have Gregory D. R. Behringer, a family ing of when the QDRO is entered. From credit-card debt, the fi nancial burden Lawyer in Morristown, answers: a liability perspective, it ought to be at usually lies with the person who opened A marriage is generally viewed as a the time of divorce – or prior if the set- the specifi c credit-card account. While partnership. Rather than having a busi- tlement of the retirement accounts are most couples open accounts separately, ness partner, however, in a marriage, already established. many open joint accounts. The rules for the spouses are partners with each In Delores R. Williams v. Law Firm joint accounts vary by state, but marital other. In this partnership, all assets or of Cooch and Taylor, a case stemming debt usually includes any debt incurred income acquired by either spouse dur- from the State of Delaware, a law fi rm during the marriage regardless of whose ing the course of the marriage is marital was sued by a client because the law name appears on the title. You’ll be at property. Generally speaking, the rel- fi rm did not implement a QDRO pursu- least partially responsible for whatever evant time period is the date of the mar- ant to the divorce proceedings. In this joint credit-card debt you built up while riage to the fi ling of the Complaint for case, the attorneys waited, or perhaps married. Divorce. In that period, any income or forgot or ignored having the QDRO If you can close a joint account at asset acquired by you or your husband, entered, and the husband depleted the the time of your separation, you should jointly or individually, is considered funds. The defendants (Law Firm of do so to prevent your ex-spouse from marital property. The only exception Cooch & Taylor) requested a sum- racking up more debt in your name. would be for monies received by inher- mary judgment, which was granted itance or gift from third parties that on two other issues but denied on the .../Continued on page 22o

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22l WGL (908) 810-1083 newjerseydyfsdefense.com

Union County Divorce Lawyers Compassionately Advocating for Children & Families

Divorce & Custody Law | Family & Matrimonial | DYFS Law (DCPP)

Unwavering Representation in Divorce & Child Advocate, the Williams Law Group has a high success rate Maltreatment Cases fi ling emergent appeals and overturning trial court rulings. The dependable divorce professionals at the Williams Law Our Union County divorce lawyers can help secure favorable Group provide compassionate family law and divorce repre- outcomes at all stages of your case, from interim rulings to senta on with an emphasis on child welfare. Although we fi nal orders and appellate decisions. prac ce all ma ers of family law – including divorce, child custody, and child support – our a orneys specialize in cases Trusted Authority on New Jersey Child Welfare involving child abuse, neglect, and maltreatment. We are Law commi ed to providing aggressive, persistent legal advocacy The founder of the Williams Law Group, Allison Williams is an to families and children in New Jersey, including but not lim- established thought leader in New Jersey child welfare law. ited to the coun es of Union, Bergen, Hudson, Monmouth, Her ar cles on topics of child maltreatment have been pub- Ocean, Burlington, and Camden. lished statewide and she educates other lawyers and judges on child abuse issues at professional seminars held by the Dedicated to Defending Your Parental Rights Ins tute of Con nuing Legal Educa on and local bar organiza- In addi on to helping families experiencing divorce, separa- ons. Ms. Williams and her team of reliable New Jersey family on, and related family law issues, we focus on represen ng lawyers are dedicated to protec ng the wellbeing of children people who are involved with the Division of Child Protec on in all ma ers of family law. and Permanency (DCP&P). Our team assists parents accused of child abuse or neglect, parents who believe their children Nationally Recognized Child Advocate Providing are being harmed or face risk of harm, and o en accepts Excellent Client Service referrals from other divorce a orneys when complex child The only New Jersey law fi rm founded by an AAML Fellow abuse or neglect issues arise. The Union County divorce law- that focuses its prac ce on child abuse and maltreatment, the yers at the Williams Law Group have never lost a child to Williams Law Group is renowned for Allison Williams’ exper- foster care or termina on of parental rights. se in children’s issues. A Super Lawyer® and VIP member of the Na onal Associa on of Professional Women, Ms. Williams Highly Experienced Appellate & Trial Attorneys appeared on Ka e Couric’s talk show to share her insights on Eff ec vely resolving your family law ma er requires confi - false accusa ons of child abuse and was interviewed by News dent and knowledgeable representa on at every step of the 12 on preceden al child abuse rulings. Furthermore, the process – par cularly if your case proceeds to trial. Founded American Ins tute of Family Law A orneys has ranked Ms. by the fi rst New Jersey a orney to become board-cer fi ed Williams among the top ten New Jersey a orneys in client sat- by the Na onal Board of Trial Advocacy as a Family Law Trial isfac on for two consecu ve years.

Receive a FREE 30-minute consulta on regarding any family Williams Law Group, LLC law issue involving child maltreatment when you men on our 1945 Morris Ave., 2nd Floor, Union, NJ 07083 ad in Divorce Magazine. (908) 810-1083 1540 Route 138 West, Suite 2014, Wall, NJ 07719 1 (877) 755-4226 www.newjerseydyfsdefense.com

Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F Continued from page 22l spouse from the mortgage, usually done pay; length of the marriage (or civil by refi nancing. If there is equity in the union); the age, physical, and emotional Once you’ve separated, consider keep- property, that plan would include how health of the parties; the standard of ing all of your non-marital debt inde- and when to pay the other spouse his or living established during the marriage pendent of the debts you accumulated her share of that equity. If staying in the (or civil union) with the understanding while you were married. Think about house means that the other spouse does that neither party is entitled to a greater opening up a new credit card after not have suffi cient assets to secure ade- entitlement to that standard of living you’ve separated and refrain from using quate housing, it may mean the house than the other party; earning capacity any credit card still carrying marital must be sold. In a negotiated settlement, and employability of the parties; the debt. some couples are able to reach a com- length of time a party has been out of Be sure to pay all of your credit promise by which one party continues the workforce; and the parental respon- cards off or at least make the minimum to live in the marital home for a limited sibilities for children. No factor is to be payments. Otherwise, not only will you period of time or under limited circum- elevated in importance over any other have to suff er the hardship of divorce, stances that are acceptable to both par- factor unless the court fi nds otherwise. but your credit score and history also ties and that allow all family members One of the most important documents will plummet. to have suitable housing and fi nancial to assist the court and your attorney www.debtwave.org arrangements. to prepare for seeking or opposing an www.cswlawnj.com alimony claim is the Case Information I am the custodial parent. Should I Statement. When completing this form keep the house? How does a judge determine if I qual- with your attorney, it is very important ify to receive spousal support? to make sure that all of the fi nancial Amy Wechsler a family lawyer in information provided is accurate, com- Warren, answers: Heidi Lepp a family lawyer in plete, and up to date. This is often an emotionally diffi - Warren, answers: Alimony cannot be awarded to cult decision to make, especially when The New Jersey alimony statute a person who has been convicted of children are attached to their home, was amended in September of 2014. murder, manslaughter,criminal homi- local school, and neighborhood friends. The types of alimony that are now cide, or aggravated assault if (1) the The decision to keep a house, however, available in the State of New Jersey are: crime results in death or serious bodily should be based on practical consider- open durational alimony, limited dura- injury to a family member of a divorc- ations and whether it will be fi nancially tion alimony, rehabilitative alimony, ing party; and (2) the crime was com- feasible to keep it. To determine this, and reimbursement alimony. mitted after the marriage or civil union. the party seeking to stay should pre- If a request for alimony is made In addition, a person convicted of an pare a budget that accurately refl ects all in a divorce or a civil union case, the attempt or conspiracy to commit mur- the household expenses, including the court must weigh fourteen (14) statu- der may not receive alimony from the mortgage, property taxes, homeown- tory factors which are set forth in person who was the intended victim of ers insurance, utilities, maintenance, N.J.S.A.2A:34-23(b)(1- 14) in order the attempt or conspiracy. landscaping, foreseeable necessary to determine what type of alimony is www.cswlawnj.com capital improvements, and any other appropriate in a given case and how costs. If there is substantial equity in much alimony should be paid. These Will I lose some or all of my pension the property, the party seeking to keep factors include, but are not limited to: as a result of divorce? I don’t see why it may need a plan to release the other issues such as the need and ability to my spouse should get any of it – he has hardly worked a day in his life!

Michele D’Onofrio a family lawyer Divorce Magazine’s in Warren, answers: Pensions and Retirement Plans Monthly eNewsletter are assets if acquired during the mar- Get the latest expert advice, articles, videos, riage regardless of which party in the marriage earned the asset. All assets podcasts, and news delivered to your inbox. acquired during the marriage are subject to equitable distribution, including pensions and retirement accounts. A Get YourYour Free SubscriptionSubscription @ marriage is a partnership in which both www.divorcemag.com/enewsletter .../Continued on page 22q

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22o High-Quality Family Law Solutions Backed by 110 Years of Experience

L to R: Michele E. D’Onofrio, Amy Zylman Shimalla, Amy Wechsler, Heidi Ann Lepp

*Best Lawyers® inclusion is based entirely on peer-review. Information on the selection process can be found at htt p://bestlawfi rms.usnews.com/ methodology.aspx. No aspect of this advertisement has been approved by the Supreme Court of New Jersey. Continued from page 22o NEW JERSEY’S DIVORCE MAGAZINE parties contribute to the joint acquisition of assets. For example, a stay-at- Advisory Board home parent may have the lion’s share Divorce Magazine would like to thank the following members of our New Jersey of the household and child-rearing Advisory Board for their help in making the magazine such a valuable resource for our responsibilities, which permit the par- readers. Visit www.divorcemag.com to see our full list of Advisory Board members. ent working outside the home to pursue a successful career and the acquisition of those retirement savings. Therefore, Lizanne J. Ceconi is a William M. Laufer is a each party will share in the distribution founding member and man- Fellow of the American of the pension, 40l K, IRA, or any other aging partner of Ceconi & Academy of Matrimonial Cheifetz. She is the 2013 Lawyers and member of the retirement account. Any accumulation Tischler Award recipient, Association of Trial Law- of pension or retirement account prior the highest award in family yers of America. He serves to the date of marriage as well as any law in NJ. She is a former on the Morris County Bar earnings or growth on that portion of Chair of the NJSBA Family Law Section. Association Early Settlement Panel and is a the asset are excluded from distribu- Since 2008, she has been selected by her Master in the Family Law Inns of Court. He peers to be included in the Best Lawyers in is past president of both the Morris County tion. Any accumulation of pension or America®. Ceconi has practiced law since Bar Association and of D.A.R.E., NJ. retirement account after the date of 1982 and has been certified as a mediator (973) 285-1444 fi ling of divorce or some other agreed since 1993. [email protected] upon or judicially determined date as (908) 273-6300 www.lauferfamilylaw.com well as any earnings or growth on that [email protected] www.ccfamlaw.com portion of the asset are excluded from Bari Zell Weinberger is the John E. Finnerty, Certified Managing Partner of Wein- distribution. berger Law Group, the larg- Equitable distribution does not Matrimonial Attorney, has tried and litigated many est divorce and family law mean that all assets acquired during a precedent-setting NJ cases, firm in NJ. She is a Certi- marriage are divided equally, but rather including Lepis v. Lepis fied Matrimonial Attorney, that assets will be distributed equita- and Nehra v. Uhlar. He has family law mediator, and served on the Supreme the associate author of the NJ Family Law bly. Retirement account distributions, Practice, a five-volume reference guide whether by way of rollover or Qualifi ed Court Family Part Practice Committee for 11 two-year terms and was Chair of that used by family law judges and lawyers in Domestic Relations Order (QDRO), are Committee’s Sub-Committee for Custody NJ. Recognized as an expert family law non-taxable events.  and Parenting Time from 2002 through attorney, Bari has been featured on many www.cswlawnj.com 2008. The former chair of the Family Law leading local and national media outlets, Section of the NJ State Bar Association, he including CBS, ABC, News Channel 12 and was awarded the Saul Tischler Award by the Wall Street Journal. For more FAQs and answers by the NJSBA for a lifetime of contributions to (888) 888-0919 divorce professionals, please visit family law. He also is a frequent lecturer for [email protected] www.weinbergerlawgroup.com www.divorcemag.com. the Institute of Continuing Legal Education and regularly publishes articles pertaining The answers provided above are to family law. for general education only and (201) 845-4000 [email protected] may not apply to your unique situa- www.FamilyLaw-NJ.com tion. They should not be considered to be legal, accounting, tax, or other professional advice nor construed FOLLOW DIVORCE MAGAZINE as a form of lawyer-client relation- on Facebook and Twitter and visit our Blog! ship. This information does not take Get the latest news, articles and commentary on divorce. the place of a law-yer, accountant, fi nancial planner, therapist, etc.; www.facebook.com/divorcemagazine for professional advice, you must www.twitter.com/divorcemagazine seek counsel from the appropriate www.DivorceMag.com/blog professional. www.DivorcedMoms.com www.MarriageAndSeparation.com Read, research, share and interact.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 22q THE STAKES ARE HIGH in YOUR FAMILY LAW MATTER SAFEGUARD PROTECT SECURE your children. your assets. your future.

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Table of Contents | .com Directory childrenanddivorce

Rules By Terry Gaspard, Therapist for Introducing 5a New Partner to Your Kids The key to successful parenting after divorce is helping your children heal from your breakup. Introducing your new love interest too soon might complicate, delay, or damage this process.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/children-and-divorce | 26 ne of the most common ques- go sour when a partner is introduced complaining about him.” tions divorced parents ask me to children too quickly. It can cause During our second session, I asked Ois: When should I introduce my anguish for everyone – especially chil- Caroline if she had thought through any new partner to my children? My best dren who are probably holding on to the disadvantages of introducing her daugh- answer is to take your time dating after idea that their parents will eventually get ter to Kevin so soon. She paused and divorce and don’t introduce your new back together. It may take them time to said: “not really,” and so I asked her love to your kids if you are dating casu- accept a new person in their life. to write down a list of pros and cons ally. While it’s normal to seek solace, For example, Caroline, a 36-year- for her homework assignment. When companionship, and a sexual relation- old teacher, described her new partner, Caroline arrived for her next session, ship after a breakup, it’s crucial to take Kevin, as thoughtful, affectionate, and she reported that she was having second it slow so you can assess whether the a great match for her. They had been thoughts about whether she had rushed relationship is a casual one, or might be dating for a little over two months, and into including Kevin in so many activi- permanent. she was head over heels in love with ties with Baylie, and she realized that The number-one thing to keep in him. But she began questioning their Baylie was seeing him as a rival for her mind when deciding when to introduce relationship when her daughter, Baylie, attention. a new partner to your kids is timing after your divorce. What’s the hurry? Even if both of you are in love and seem to have a lot in common, breakups are common and kids get caught in the crossfire. Next, the setting and length of the first introduction is crucial to success. Meeting in an informal setting may help your kids feel more relaxed. Rather than planning a long visit, it’s best to have a brief, casual meeting with few expectations.

Your Child’s Age Is a Factor Another important consideration when introducing your kids to a new love interest is their age. Truth be told, younger children (under age 10) may feel con- fused, angry, or sad because they tend to be possessive of their parents. Renowned researcher Dr. Constance Ahrons, who conducted a 20-year study of children of divorce, concluded that most children find their parent’s courtship behaviors confusing and strange. On the other hand, adolescents may appear more accepting of your new partner than younger children, but they may age eight, started complaining about 5 Rules for Introducing Your still perceive that person as a threat to Kevin coming over – especially when New Partner to Your Children: their relationship with you. Dr. Ahrons his nine-year-old son, Ryan, came along 1. Timing is essential to healthy also found that teenagers may find open for the visit. She didn’t understand why family adjustment after divorce. affection between their parent and a new Baylie didn’t share her enthusiasm for Children need time to adjust to their partner troubling – so go easy on physi- Kevin because he was so perfect for parents’ split, and it can take a year cal contact in front of them. Do you want their family. or two for them to get over anger, your teenager to model their behavior As Caroline spoke, disappointment sadness, and other emotions. If you after you? If so, you owe it to yourself was apparent in her voice: “Kevin’s introduce your children to someone and your kids to build new relationships just so ideal for our family and I can whom you are dating casually, this thoughtfully. really be myself with him. He has a son may complicate their adjustment to and is a great dad. I figured that Baylie your divorce. Timing Is Everything would like him because he’s a lot of fun, I’ve witnessed many new relationships and I was blindsided when she started .../Continued on page 29

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/children-and-divorce | 27 5,000+ Pages 2,800,000+ Visits a Year

Let’s cry, laugh, and dream again! Visit the largest online community dedicated to inspiring and empowering mothers before, during, and after divorce. Whether you’re in your 20s with an infant or in your 50s with grown children, you’ll find blog posts from divorced moms that validate your experience and touch your heart. Need some great advice? Our lineup of experts can help you complete your divorce and create a great new life for yourself and your child. Come cry, laugh, and dream again – with a little help from your friends at www.DivorcedMoms.com.

Table of Contents | .com Directory | 28 Thinking divorce? Think initial consultation ﬁrst.

If you’re considering a divorce, an initial attorney consultation could be one of the most important steps to this life-changing event.

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Table of Contents | .com Directory New Partner / Continued from page 27 Sleepovers with Your New your new partner. Waiting to introduce Partner your kids to your new love will pay off 2. Keep in mind that your kids may Be sure to be careful about sleepovers for everyone in the long run.  view your new love as a rival. Just with your new partner when you have because you are smitten with your children living with you. It’s not wise Terry Gaspard (MSW, new partner, it doesn’t mean that to plan an overnight with your new love LICSW) is a licensed ther- your kids will share your positive interest in your home right away because apist, college instructor, feelings. it can increase rivalry between them and and non-fiction author 3. Consider your children’s needs your kids. If you co-parent, it should be specializing in divorce, for security and reassurance. easy to spend an overnight with them women’s issues, children, Introducing your new love to your when your children are with your ex. and relationships. She and kids too soon can increase stress Having your new partner spend the night her daughter have just released a new in the house and take energy away should only be an option once you’re book, Daughters of Divorce: Overcome from your kids’ ability to grieve the fairly sure that your relationship is going the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup loss of their intact family. Be sure to be permanent. and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting to give your kids lots of reassur- Let your children know that you Relationship (Sourcebooks, January ance that you have plenty of love have an abundance of love to go around. 2016), which is available at Amazon. to go around. It’s crucial to reassure your kids that com. www.movingpastdivorce.com 4. Ask yourself: Is my love interest your partner will not replace their other a good fit for my family? After parent or change your relationship with Related Articles all, you might have great chemistry them. Don’t be surprised if your children with someone, but they might not reject your new partner at first. Some 7 Dating Considerations for be best suited to become part of kids express anger or defiance and may Divorced Individuals with Kids your family. even threaten to run away – or to go live Here are seven qualities and attributes to look for in someone who is going to be a stepparent to Let your children know that you your kids. www.divorcemag.com/blog/ have an abundance of love to go around. dating-considerations-for-divorced- It’s crucial to reassure your kids that your individuals-with-kids New Partners, Stepparents, and partner will not replace their other parent or Remarriage change your relationship with them. When families separate, many parents quickly start dating again; in most cases, one or both parents will 5. Invite your children’s feedback with their other parent full-time. Adopt marry or cohabitate with a romantic for ideas about how and when realistic expectations about your chil- partner at some point post-divorce. they meet your new partner for dren’s acceptance of your new partner: www.divorcemag.com/articles/ the first time. If you’ve been dat- just because you are enthralled with this new-partners-stepparents-and- ing someone for a while and feel person, it doesn’t mean that your kids remarriage relatively confident that you are will share your enthusiasm. heading towards a long-term com- Meet the Children: How to mitment, then talk to your children: Don’t Rush Introduce Your Children to Your explain that you’re dating some- In sum, the key to successful parent- New Special Friend one whom you care about and that ing post-divorce is helping your kids John Gray, the author of the you’d like to introduce to them. heal from your breakup, and introducing bestseller Men are from Mars, Ask them if they have any ques- them to a new love too soon might com- Women are from Venus offers six tions. Keep the first meeting short plicate, delay, or damage this process. tips to ensure that this first meeting and low-key. Going to a restaurant You can simply tell your kids that you’re goes well. or neutral spot for the first meeting going out with a new friend, and that’s www.divorcemag.com/articles/ is best. Ask your kids where they’d enough information for the moment. meet-the-children-how-to- like to go, and don’t invite your Consider the amount of time since your introduce-your-children-to-your- partner’s children to join you on divorce, the age of your children, and the new-special-friend the first few visits. level of commitment between you and

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/children-and-divorce | 29 childrenanddivorce

forSuccessful ipsCo-Parenting

There are ways to make co-parentingT more effective for the parents and easier on the kids. Here are some tips for successful cooperative parenting after divorce.

By Wendi Schuller, Therapist

o-parenting is a relatively modern Today, divorcing parents have many will have to discuss issues and opportu- term in the divorce world. When more choices than the previous genera- nities that arise in their children’s lives. my parents walked out of divorce tion – or perhaps parents like mine sim- Ccourt, they never communicated with ply did not see the need to discuss their How to Make Cooperative each other ever again – about me or any children with each other post-divorce. Parenting Easier other topic. Co-parenting implies coop- Custody is usually joint, which means There are ways to make co-parenting eration and dialogue: former spouses are both parents have the right to decide easier – for parents and for children. no longer partners in marriage, but are what schools and activities their children Consider having a regularly scheduled still partners in raising their children. will attend – and from time to time, they meeting – perhaps monthly – to discuss

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/paren ng-and-stepfamilies | 30 Back row (l to r): Sheryl J. Seiden, Lizanne J. Ceconi Front row (l to r): Kimberly A. Rennie, Cary B. Cheifetz A Principled Approach

Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F new issues or activities. Have an agenda, physical and mental well-being. This also emotionally-charged sentences within just as you would for a conference at avoids pitting one parent against the other your message and adjust the overall tone. work. one; you won’t have to deal with “Dad The bottom line is that co-parenting If one parent veers off course into lets me go to bed at 11” or “Mom lets me is a learning process and generally gets blame, anger, or other toxic areas, calmly watch TV all day.” When kids realize that easier as time goes by – especially if par- steer them back to the topic being dis- their parents are on the same team – even ents are able to check their egos and put cussed: “We were talking about Jane’s though they no longer live in the same their children first.  wish to change schools,” for example. home – and that the rules are consistent Keep emotion out of the discussion, and in both homes, then they are less likely treat the other parent as you would an to try and get away with things. Wendi Schuller is an excitable co-worker: with calm, but firm, Work together when dividing up author, nurse, and hypno- courtesy. These meetings don’t have to holidays. Some parents each have the therapist who is certified be in person if it is difficult to be in your kids for part of the special day, and others in Neuro-linguistic ex’s presence. Using Skype or the phone trade holidays on alternate years. There Programing (NLP). Her is fine, even if they only live a few streets may be new step-siblings, who also have most recent book is The away. to share holidays with another parent, to Global Guide to Divorce Co-parenting is easier when both work into your holiday schedules. Some (Austin Macauley Publishers, 2015), parents are on the same page and don’t co-parents have a get-together with new and she is a featured author on www. feel left out of anything. There are various partners and grandparents and do okay in DivorcedMoms.com and a regular online calendars and apps (such as www. each other’s company. See what works blogger for www.DivorceMag.com. OurFamilyWizard.com) that let each par- best in your situation. www.globalguidetodivorce.com ent view and add activities or events in the youngsters’ lives – such as dance If Co-Parenting Is Difficult recitals, sports tournaments, and school The “don’ts” of co-parenting can mostly Related Articles concerts – as well as track parenting time. be avoided when thinking of what is in Add these to a shared schedule as soon the children’s best interests. Yes, it is Shared Parenting Pros and Cons as you know about them; that way, one hard to put your ego aside or not to con- Successful shared parenting parent cannot blame the other one for not sider punishing your ex by “forgetting” benefits both children and parents, notifying them about an important event to enter the dates of the school play on but it is not appropriate for all in their children’s lives. Remember to your shared electronic calendar. Getting families. Here are the pros and cons keep grandparents up-to-date on the kids’ back at an ex through the children is not of shared parenting. events so they can attend, if possible. healthy and can backfire. One father took www.divorcemag.com/articles/ Some parents have a notebook that his sons to a show during the divorce shared-parenting-pros-and-cons goes back and forth between homes, that he knew his wife would get angry which is particularly helpful with young about. The boys – who were upset seeing Successful Co-Parenting children. For instance, if a child has an an adult-themed play with scantily-clad Communication asthma attack or a severe allergic reac- women – told the interim psychologist, In order to normalize the post- tion to food, you can make a note of it, who put a stop to this behavior. Later, divorce co-parenting situation as letting your co-parent know when an they discussed this and more events with much as possible, you need to make inhaler or EpiPen was administered. This the custody evaluator; the mother ended all communication clear – with your also is useful for medical conditions like up with physical custody and the father children and with your ex-spouse. seizures. If there are incidents at school was not granted any overnight visitation. www.divorcemag.com/articles/co- or other information that needs to be If co-parenting is difficult, consider parenting-communication relayed, the notebook is another method having a third party handle all communi- of both sharing and recording the details. cation between you. One woman had her 5 Co-Parenting Tips from a friend edit out any mean comments from Divorced Divorce Attorney Consistency and Teamwork her ex-husband’s emails and then forward Co-parenting after a divorce is never An important part of co-parenting is them to her. Others have used a mediator easy. Get some insight on how to setting up consistent rules, routines, or some other professional to take care of successfully co-parent and keep and consequences in both homes. Kids all messages and communication between a positive relationship with your require constancy in their topsy-turvy co-parents. children with these tips. world. Going to bed and eating meals The Message Board on Our Family www.divorcemag.com/blog/5-co- at vastly different times is like having Wizard has a feature called “ToneMeter.” parenting-tips-from-a-divorced- chronic jet lag. They feel more secure Described as an “emotional spell-check,” divorce-attorney with a routine, and it is better for their ToneMeter helps you identify and flag

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/paren ng-and-stepfamilies | 31 “We guide you through the Finnerty, Canda & Concannon, P.C. process”

Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F healthandwell-being

When life hands you lemons, you can complain about how awful they are – or you can sprinkle sugar on them, add water, and enjoy a sweet lemonade. The choice is yours.

sTo Fight Way and pression De er Divorce ve Aft T7hri

By Lizzy Smith

few weeks ago, my daughters and I went on vacation to Florida. When we landed in Orlando, I rented a car and we did a road trip to Savannah, Georgia and Charleston, South Carolina. We also spent time in Jacksonville and Orlando. AWhat made the trip really amazing is that our best friends who live in California were also in Orlando at the same time, so we spent five days of our vacation together. I’ve known these friends, Julie and Shane, since college, and they are family to me. Julie’s .../Continued on page 34

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/health-and-well-being | 32 Join Your Divorce Community side from ge ng expert advice, there are mes you may want to connect with Areal people who are going through or recently ﬁ nalized their own divorce. You can vent, ask ques ons, get support, share your thoughts, insights, and ps, or even inspire others through your own divorce story. If this sounds like you, join our online Divorce Community and connect with divorcing people 24/7.

Divorce Magazine Blog www.DivorceMag.com/Blog You’ll find posts by experts – as well as posts by others who are facing the challenges of separation and divorce – offering support and advice as you make your way through divorce into a new life.

Divorced Moms www.DivorcedMoms.com An entertaining and informative blog where separated and divorced moms chat, share their experiences, and support each other. With new articles daily, there’s something for everyone.

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Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com | 33 EXPERIENCE on yourside

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Sprinkling Sugar on Life’s Lemons Yes, so what? So life hands us lemons. What do we do about it? Suck them dry, lamenting at how awful they are – or we sprinkle sugar on them, add water, and enjoy a sweet lemonade! I can’t tell you how many cancer survivors I talk with who are in the Take a hike! Or go for a walk, take up yoga, ride a bike, or adopt a dog and walk together. throes of depression. Hey, it’s common. Do something (anything!) that gets your heart rate up for an emotional boost.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/health-and-well-being | 34 2. Get Proper Sleep leave home. All she did was cry all 7. Try New Foods You must give your body time for day. I wanted to scream. She was in One of my favorite activities is try- proper rest. It is possible to get too remission! Something not all can- ing new foods. Look up an inter- much sleep, however. Each of us is cer survivors ever achieve. What the esting recipe, try cooking with an different, but about eight hours (give hell was she doing crying all day? ingredient you’ve never heard of, or take) is good. If you’re consis- I met another cancer survivor who or hit up an ethnic restaurant. Take tently getting a lot more sleep than was extremely upset over 4th of July a friend or your children with you that, force yourself to get out of bed. weekend because no one invited her and enjoy a hearty conversation over Likewise, if you are consistently to their home and she was alone. I your meal. sleep-deprived, it is nearly impos- asked her why she didn’t host her Although it may sound counter- sible to function properly. Get fresh own party or hit up the local fire- intuitive, during and after divorce is linens in your room, diffuse a relax- works by herself and meet new a great time to challenge your current ing scent, and consider taking a hot people? Neither cancer survivor had routine and take you outside your com- bath before getting in bed. It will good answers. Sometimes, there is a fort zone. Sometimes, finding joy and relax and calm you. “joy” in being a victim. We expect happiness takes work and commitment. 3. Make a Bucket List and Get to others to “just know” that they need Even if you don’t feel like it, do it any- Work! to help us and when that doesn’t way. Your mind and spirit will thank Make a list of things you’ve never happen, we love to wallow in self- you for it.  done but sound like fun. Now start pity. This is a terrible mindset and working on crossing things off your solves absolutely nothing. Get out When Lizzy Smith was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in 2012, she Although it may sound counter-intuitive, during made the difficult deci- and after divorce is a great time to challenge sion to leave her husband and move with her two your current routine and take you outside your young daughters to another state to seek treatment. Lizzy is comfort zone. Sometimes, finding joy and now in remission, and she and her happiness takes work and commitment. daughters are all doing well – living proof that life post-divorce can be beautiful. www.DivorcedMoms.com/ list. One day when I was sitting in of the house (shower first!) and go blogs/lizzy-smilez infusion getting chemo, I made my do something fun. Get a pedi, hike bucket list. Just writing things out a trail, adopt a homeless pet... If you gave me a huge emotional boost. don’t feel like it, do it anyway. Related Articles While I might have been very sick, 5. Exercise there was going to come a day when Go for a walk. Take up yoga. Garden. Feed Your Body & Soul I would feel better and I could start Do something (anything!) that gets Stressed? Depressed? Choosing the having fun again. My list included your heart rate up. Adopt a dog and right foods during divorce will help places I wanted to visit, trails I walk together. If the weather allows, you not only feel your best,but also wanted to hike, and skills I wanted try and get outdoors and take in nat- remain clear-headed so that you can to learn. Here I am, four years later, ural vitamin D and fresh air. It is a make better decisions. Here are four and I’m steadily working on that huge emotional boost. fast tips to feed your body and soul list – and adding more items to it. 6. Help Someone Else during this stressful time. Several months ago, I went to South Spend your time doing something www.divorcemag.com/articles/feed- America and hiked around Iguazu kind for someone else. Make a meal your-body-soul Falls in Argentina and Brazil. I went for a homebound senior, play cards The Transformative Power of hang gliding. And I was published in with seniors at a residential com- Self-Care the Chicago Tribune. munity, volunteer at your child’s Here are some simple ways you can 4. Force Yourself to Get out of the school, or knit caps for cancer survi- begin nurturing yourself and start House vors. Serving others helps us realize making self-renewal part of your I once met a cancer survivor, who that we aren’t alone and that there everyday life. is in remission and doing very well, is always someone else who has it www.divorcemag.com/articles/the- who spent crazy amounts of time worse. Plus, you might make some transformative-power-of-self-care lamenting that she was too sad to new friends.

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Table of Contents | .com Directory A S A F specialfeature

On April 1, 2016, you can attend the first online learning center for those thinking about divorce, going through a divorce, and moving on after a divorce. Announcing The Divorce School!

his year, Divorce Magazine and www.DivorceMagazine. where people will learn to make better choices before, during, com are celebrating our 20th anniversary of offering and after divorce. Divorce professionals as well as real people support, advice, and guidance to separated and divorced who have experienced the process first-hand will share their individuals.T As part of our anniversary celebrations, we’ve expertise and experience through videos and podcasts; free, teamed up with www.DivorcedMoms.com (the Web’s leading practical, and transformative, the first semester will begin in resource and community for divorced moms) to launch The April 2016. All videos and podcasts will be available 24/7 for Divorce School (www.TheDivorceSchool.com) – which will free download during April, May and June. oﬀ er videos and podcasts from a wide range of leading divorce professionals, as well as separated and divorced people. Who Is on the Faculty? • Honorable Michele F. Lowrance, the Dean of The Free, Practical, and Transformative Divorce School, is a divorce mediator and a retired family The Divorce School will offer essential guidance about every law judge in Chicago. She has more than 39 years of expe- aspect of the divorce process: legal, financial, emotional, and rience as a lawyer, judge, and mediator; she is also a child children’s issues. of divorce and is divorced herself. • Are you concerned about the legal process of divorce? The • Diana Shepherd, CDFA™, is the Editorial Director and Divorce School is for you. Co-Founder of Divorce Magazine. The author of hundreds • Are you in the dark about how child custody and child of divorce-related articles, she is a nationally-recognized support will impact you and your children? The Divorce expert on divorce, finance, and remarriage issues. School is for you. • Cathy Meyer, Master Certified Coach (MCC), is the • Is communicating and co-parenting with your ex challeng- Divorce Support Expert at About.com and Managing ing and making you pull your hair out? The Divorce School Editor of www.DivorcedMoms.com. She has been a sin- is for you. gle mother for 16 years with two children. • Are you stuck and unable to move past the negative emo- • Megan Hunter, MBA, is an international speaker and tions caused by your divorce? The Divorce School is for author on the topic of high-conflict disputes and compli- you, too! cated relationships. She is the Co-Founder of the High The Divorce School is a unique online learning center Conflict Institute and Unhooked Media.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-news | 36 • Pegotty Cooper is President of Financial Divorce Advice Divorce Coaching, Inc., celebrating • What You Need to Know About Child Support 5 years in training and certifying per- • Alimony: Will You Receive It, or Will You Have to Pay It? sonal Divorce Coaches. She is also a • How Property Is Divided During Divorce co-author of the recently released book • How to Recognize a Fair Divorce Settlement Divorce: Overcome the Overwhelm and Children’s, Co-Parenting, and Stepfamily Advice Avoid the Six Biggest Mistakes. We need you in • When and How to Talk to Your Children About Divorce our community changing the face of divorce! • A Conversation with Two Adult Children of Divorce • Veralynn Morris, CDFA™, has more than 30 years of expe- • How Child Custody Decided? What Impacts the Decision? rience as a financial professional. The Founder of Divorce • Gender Bias in the Family Court System Financial Solutions, Inc., she helps clients understand the • Co-Parenting with an Irrational Ex impact of today’s decisions on tomorrow’s financial future. • The Importance of Parenting Time • Vera Bergermann, managing attorney of Bergermann Law • What Is Parental Alienation – and How to Deal with It Firm, has been practicing law for more than 35 years. She • Using a Personal Divorce Coach to Become a Successful has been a family law mediator for more than 20 years, is Blended Family a qualified Parenting Coordinator, and holds a Master’s • Blended Families: A Conversation with Two Stepmoms degree in Taxation. • John P. Cito, CDFA™, helps divorcing women by devel- Coping with Divorce and Divorce Recovery oping a strategy to obtain the best settlement. He serves as • How to Handle Divorce-Related Stress his clients’ personal CFO to handle all their financial and tax • Is Your Ex a Narcissist? issues after divorce. • Sex and Divorce • Peggy L. Tracy is a Certified Fraud Examiner (CFE) and • Do You or Your Children Need Therapy? Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™) who focuses • Overcoming the Trauma of Infidelity on forensic accounting for divorcing clients. • Creating a Support System • Dr. Sheri Meyers, the author of the book Chatting or Cheating, is known as America’s leading infidelity and inti- High-Net-Worth Issues macy expert. She’ll discuss how to detect infidelity, affair- • Complicated Finances/Taxes/ proof your relationship, and rebuild love and trust after an Hidden Assets affair. • Is My Spouse Entitled to What • Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a divorce and parenting coach I’ve Earned? and the Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. • Preparing for Long-Term The author of several books about parenting, she has created Litigation and a High-Conflict an audio coaching program for divorced parents. Divorce Process • Alison Fosbery, MA, is a Registered Psychotherapist who • Business Valuation and Divorce is passionate about helping separated and divorced couples move past resentments and achieve common goals. A child Who Should Attend The Divorce School? of divorce, she has been working with families for 10 years. You! If you are thinking about divorce, working your way • Dan Couvrette, Publisher and Co-Owner of Divorce through the divorce process, or trying to rebuild your life after Magazine, www.DivorcedMoms.com, and Family Lawyer divorce, The Divorce School offers courses relevant to where Magazine. Happily remarried for 18 years, he is the father you are in the divorce process. of two adult sons from his first marriage. You will be able to access as many – or as few – Divorce • Martha Chan is the Co-Owner of Divorce Magazine, School podcasts and videos as you wish. If you have questions DivorcedMoms.com, and Family Lawyer Magazine. She about whether you should keep or sell the family home, how has been a supportive stepmother for 18 years. child support and spousal support work, how to increase your chances of getting joint or even sole custody of your children, What Courses Will Be Offered? and proven strategies to help yourself (and your children) heal Here are a few topics we have on the agenda, with more to from divorce, you'll find the answers at The Divorce School. come as we move toward the start of our first semester. There are no fees: just watch/listen and learn. Join Us now to get reminders and updates at www.TheDivorceSchool.com. Legal Divorce Issues See you in school! • Will I Need a Lawyer? How to Choose a Lawyer • Do It Yourself Divorce • Getting Prepared for Divorce

Divorce Mediation • An Overview of Divorce Mediation @ • Mediating a High-Conflict Divorce

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-news | 37 healthandwell-being Ways to Make Room for Spiritual 7 Healing

For many people, the decision to divorce brings up feelings of guilt, shame, and a sense of failure. Here’s how to make room fofor spiritual and emotional healing after divorcedivorce.

By Dr. Gitu Bhatia, Psychologist

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/health-and-well-being | 38 High-Quality Family Law Solutions Backed by 110 Years of Experience

L to R: Michele E. D’Onofrio, Amy Zylman Shimalla, Amy Wechsler, Heidi Ann Lepp

*Best Lawyers® inclusion is based entirely on peer-review. Information on the selection process can be found at htt p://bestlawﬁ rms.usnews.com/ methodology.aspx. No aspect of this advertisement has been approved by the Supreme Court of New Jersey. ivorce and separation have all Spiritual and Emotional each other for the mistakes made kinds of legal, financial, and Healing during the marriage, and wishing emotional consequences. One Spiritual healing can take many forms. each other well going forward. This Daspect of divorce that is not often talked Here are seven ways of making room can also help children feel validated about is the spiritual consequence ex- for the spiritual and emotional healing and hopeful about the future. perienced by the family members. It after divorce: Growth and change often come is safe to say that, for many, divorce with some amount of pain and anxiety. is a legal dissolution of a religious or 1. Finding support of a religious Understanding your own core values, a spiritual contract. For many people leader/guide who understands your and your religious and spiritual beliefs, raised with strong religious beliefs, the situation may be helpful in getting may actually help you reorganize your decision to divorce brings up feelings through this difficult part of your life with more clarity and meaning after of guilt, shame, and a sense of failure. lives with compassion, forgiveness, divorce.  Of late, many distinctions are and room for healing. made between religion and spiritual- 2. Young children and adolescents Dr. Gitu Bhatia (Psy.D.), ity. Generally speaking, spirituality is may have different questions and a former family mediator described as a more personally chosen concerns about their own religious for the Los Angeles and individual experience compared to and spiritual beliefs. Get the guid- Superior Court, is a psy- religion. Religion may or may not be ance and support of others who have chologist in private prac- chosen by one, and tends to be a more similar values and beliefs to provide tice and adjunct faculty at collective experience that is guided by answers and bring clarity. the Graduate School of texts or leaders. While religion and 3. Free yourself by learning to for- Education and Psychology at Pepperdine spirituality bring up inner conflicts and give. Forgiveness is not the same University. She teaches cross-cultural question your faith, these beliefs and as accepting behaviors that are psychology and supervises students in values can also be helpful in getting unacceptable. their clinical work. www.gitubhatia.com through one of the most difficult times 4. According to recent studies, medi- in people’s lives. Although in this coun- tation, a staple of many religions, try we support the separation of church is known to reduce emotional pain. Related Articles and state, in reality, religion often 5. Perhaps you were not active in a frames our view of right and wrong church or temple before your separa- 5 Tips for Surviving Your and a sense of fairness and justice, and tion or divorce, but this may become Emotional Divorce needs to be addressed for healing and a place of refuge at a time of per- Not recognizing how powerful growth for all members of the family. sonal crisis. Acceptance from others the emotional experience can be in your faith may help the process leaves couples vulnerable to the of refueling and healing for you and rollercoaster of unexpected feelings your children during and after the that surface once a divorce is final. divorce. These places sometimes www.divorcemag.com/blog/5- also provide a community of sup- tips-for-surviving-your-emotional- port, which helps reduce the isola- divorce tion many divorced people feel. 6. Avoid getting into conflicts regard- Meditate Away Your Stress ing religious holidays and obser- The practice of meditation offers vances with the other parent. peace, serenity, and calm – a Remember that these holidays pro- welcome respite from the turbulent vide you and your children a sense emotions of divorce. of hope and continuity. www.divorcemag.com/articles/ 7. If possible, create a divorce ritual meditate-away-your-stress with the other parent. After the initial emotional turmoil has had time Surrounding Yourself with Real, to settle, for the sake of their chil- Loving Support dren, parents may decide to have By surrounding yourself with people a divorce ceremony that who really support your happiness includes recogniz- now, you will heal faster! ing what was www.divorcemag.com/blog/- good in the mar- surrounding-yourself-with-real- riage, forgiving loving-support-

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/health-and-well-being | 39 .comdirectory

Your best online resources before, during, and after divorce.

FAMILY LAWYERS Feinberg & Waller A.P.C. Phillips Whisnant Gazin Gorczyca & (800) 655-4766 Curtin, LLP ALBERTA – CANADA www.feinbergwaller.com (949) 644-4007 Westbrook Law & Mediation Centre Experienced lawyers practicing exclusively in [email protected] (780) 424-1212 family law with integrity. www.pwggc.com [email protected] Honor, Strength and Equity describes our www.divorcemag.com/online-profiles/ Freid and Goldsman, APLC allegiance to our clients. ab/alberta-anita-dorczak (310) 552-2700 Family law, mediation, and collaborative [email protected] FLORIDA divorce. www.fglegal.com Stephen T. Holman, P.A. Experience and skill enable them to obtain (850) 435-6909 BRITISH COLUMBIA – CANADA favorable results. [email protected] Kahn Zack Ehrlich Lithwick, LLP www.stephentholman.com (604) 270-9571 Harding & Associates Experienced family lawyers who have nearly [email protected] (925) 417-2202 five decades of experience. www.kzellaw.com [email protected] Innovative solutions for your family law www.hardinglaw.com ILLINOIS matters. Helping clients get the results to which they Aronberg Goldgehn Davis & Garmisa are entitled. (312) 828-9600 CALIFORNIA [email protected] Brandmeyer Gilligan & Dockstader, LLP Salomon Law Corporation. A.P.C www.agdglaw.com (562) 431-2000 (310) 282-0858 Experienced family law attorneys who han- [email protected] [email protected] dle each case in a cost-effective way. www.bgdlawyers.com www.salomonlawcorp.com The largest family law firm in the greater I have been where you are at and I can help. Boyle & Feinberg, P.C. Long Beach/South Bay area. (312) 376-8860 McGaughey & Spirito [email protected] Feinberg, Mindel, Brandt, & Klein, LLP (310) 465-1000 www.boylefeinbergfamilylaw.com (310) 447-8675 [email protected] Mediation, collaborative divorce and liti- [email protected] www.mcgs-law.com gation services in Chicago and Arlington www.fmbklaw.com Guiding you to resolution through collabora- Heights. FMBK is known for its first-rate legal rep- tive divorce, mediation, litigation, and trial resentation and exemplary personal service. work.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/directory | 40 Law Office of Laura M. Urbik Kern, LLC DeTorres & DeGeorge, LLC Weinberger Law Group, LLC (630) 993-1230 (908) 284-6005 (888) 998-8859 [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] www.laurakern.com www.danddfamilylaw.com www.wlg.com A child-centered family law practice. Your future is our focus. Trusted authorities on New Jersey divorce and family law. Levin & Brend, P.C. Einhorn, Harris, Ascher, Barbarito & (312) 726-4440 Frost, PC Williams Law Group [email protected] (973) 627-7300 (908) 810-1083 www.levinbrend.com [email protected] [email protected] Forensic divorce attorney: “We find money.” www.einhornharris.com www.newjerseydyfs.com A trusted adviser, every step of the way. Experienced lawyers compassionately advo- Law Office of Paul Feinstein, Ltd. cating for children and families. (312) 346-6392 Finnerty, Canda & Concannon, P.C. [email protected] (201) 845-4000 NEW YORK www.paulfeinstein.com [email protected] Collier, Halpern, Newberg & Nolletti, Experienced Chicago family law attorney. www.familylaw-nj.com LLP We guide you through the process. (914) 684-6800 INDIANA [email protected] Broyles, Kight & Ricafort P.C. Gebhardt & Kiefer, P.C. www.chnnb.com (317) 571-3601 (908) 735 - 5161 Extensive experience in complex matrimo- [email protected] [email protected] nial litigation. www.bkrfamilylaw.com www.gklegal.com Integrity (Skill+Trust+Reason)=BKR Family Law. Highly-skilled matrimonial attorneys ready OKLAHOMA Finding solutions together. to fight for you. Echols & Associates (405) 691-2648 LOUISIANA Laufer, Dalena, Cadicina, Jensen & [email protected] Remy Law Firm Boyd, LLC www.echolslawfirm.com (985) 893-0610 (973) 285-1444 124 years of combined legal experience in [email protected] [email protected] family law. www.remylawfirm.com www.lauferfamilylaw.com Professionals dedicated to the practice of The expertise and commitment to provide ONTARIO – CANADA family law. superior service. Nathens Siegel LLP (416) 222-6980 NEW JERSEY Leslie Law Firm, LLC [email protected] Ceconi & Cheifetz, LLC (973) 631-8002 www.nathenssiegel.com (908) 273-6300 [email protected] Family law specialists who are results- [email protected] www.leslielawfirm.com driven. www.ccfamlaw.com Known for experience and a compassionate A principled approach to divorce law in NJ. approach to family law. QUEBEC – CANADA Azran & Associés Avocats Inc. Charny, Charny & Karpousis P.A. Shimalla, Wechsler, Lepp & (514) 499-2010 (856) 505-1700 D’Onofrio, LLP [email protected] [email protected] (908) 922-4238 www.azranassocies.com www.charnylaw.com [email protected] Montreal lawyers with expertise in a wide South Jersey divorce and family law firm www.swldfamilylaw.com range of practice areas. with aggressive advocacy and a practical 105 years of combined high-quality family mindset when it counts. law representation. SOUTH CAROLINA Lester & Hendrix, LLC. Pamela M. Copeland, Counselor at Law Stolfe & Zeigler, Counselors At Law (803) 252-4700 (908) 561-6800 (732) 240-9555 [email protected] & [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] www.copelandlawnj.com www.szfamilylawfirm.com www.lesterandhendrix.com The highest-quality divorce legal services at a Provide skilled, experienced, and individu- A team approach to family law cases. reasonable cost. ally-suited legal representation.

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/directory | 41 TEXAS Linda Forman, CPA, P.C. PENSION VALUATION John K. Grubb & Associates, P.C. (847) 316-1040 & QDRO SERVICES (713) 877-8800 [email protected] [email protected] www.divorcecpachicago.com Voit Econometrics Group, Inc. www.johnkgrubb.com They will do everything it takes to get you (239) 948-7711 Aggressive representation in family law mat- the best possible financial settlement. [email protected] ters in the Houston area. www.vecon.com NEW JERSEY Specializing in QDROs and valuation Loughmiller Higgins, P.C. DebtWave Credit Counseling, Inc. of pensions for divorce. (972) 529-5554 (888) 686-4040 [email protected] [email protected] www.loughmillerhiggins.com www.debtwave.com SOCIAL MEDIA Experienced divorce attorneys dedicated to Making Your Life Simple. helping you navigate your legal roadmap. www.facebook.com/DivorceMagazine HAIR RESTORATION Short•Carter•Morris, LLP www.twitter.com/DivorceMagazine (713) 626-3345 FLORIDA [email protected] Bauman Medical Group, P.A. www.facebook.com/DivorcedMoms www.shortcartermorris.com (561) 394-0024 Experienced in high-net-worth and complex [email protected] www.twitter.com/DivorcedMoms divorces. www.baumanmedical.com Hair restoration for men and women. www.facebook.com/TheDivorceSchool FINANCIAL ADVISORS MEDIATION NORTH AMERICA WEBSITES Institute for Certified Divorce Financial ILLINOIS Analysts™ C.E.L. & Associates www.DivorceMag.com (800) 875-1760 (866) 922-4733 [email protected] [email protected] www.DivorcedMoms.com www.institutedfa.com www.yourdivorce.org National organization dedicated to the Bridging the gap between conflict & resolution. www.TheDivorceSchool.com certification, education, and promotion of financial professionals in the divorce arena. Hon. Michele F. Lowrance (Retired) www.MarriageAndSeparation.com (312) 655-0555 CALIFORNIA [email protected] www.ChildrenAndDivorceGuide.com DebtWave Credit Counseling, Inc. www.michelelowrance.com (888) 686-4040 More than 40 years of experience as a judge, www.MoneyAndDivorceGuide.com [email protected] lawyer, and mediator. www.debtwave.com www.FamilyLawyerMagazine.com Making Your Life Simple.

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Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/directory | 42 specialfeature How Long Did You Consider

16% 18.8% 7.8% Divorce? How long do most people 21.4% think about divorce before 12.7% taking action? Several years, according to a recent Divorce 23.3% Magazine survey.

By Avital Borisovsky

been recovering from the depths of the Great Recession, many couples no longer Less than 1 year 6 to 10 years need to stay in their marriage for financial reasons. 1 to 2 years More than 10 years In fourth place at 16% was people 3 to 5 years I did not initiate the divorce who had not initiated the divorce. Some of those reported being “blindsided” by the request. One woman’s husband dropped the bomb one week after they returned t the beginning of January 2016, still speaks to how hard it can be to make from a romantic dream vacation celebrat- Divorce Magazine posted an on- the final decision to end a marriage. “I ing their 25th wedding anniversary! line survey asking our readers and knew he was cheating for years, but I Based on comments, infidelity was visitorsA how long they thought about di- stayed because I was raised to believe that the most common reason participants filed vorce before initiating the process. More divorce was not an option. I really regret for divorce. “I was completely blindsided than 430 people responded to the survey, the years I lost waiting,” said one woman by my husband who cheated for over 3+ and many took the time to write comments who contemplated divorce for more than yrs,” said one respondent. explaining their answers. 10 years. Another respondent reported “I had 3 small children back then, and According to the results, 23.3% considering divorce “on and off since he was the breadwinner. I stuck it out for waited three to five years before finally about year 8 of my 20-year marriage, but my babies to have the life they deserved taking action – followed closely by those I struggled most in the last three years.” until my middle child, then 18, found out who waited one to two years (21.4%). This Of course, some people took action he was cheating and kicked him out. We is not surprising, as most spouses make a relatively quickly; 18.8% waited less than never looked back. She knows she saved few attempts to save the marriage – or at one year between first considering divorce me in a sense. I was too weak to do what least wait and see if there’s any change and initiating the process. The shortest I needed to do. But now I am strong and on their spouse’s behavior – before taking time noted was one day! Today’s society happy!!” said another respondent. the initial step towards divorce. “It took tends to value instant gratification: many “I waited for my daughter to get me 5 long years to build up enough cour- people are unwilling to wait long to get through her bat mitzvah before moving out age and to realize I could do it!” said one what they want, and couples no longer feel – and then waited another year to [file for participant. “I haven’t looked back since the necessity to stay together if either or divorce],” said one man. “I was hoping my and have never been happier.” both parties are unhappy. Of course, there ex-wife would have had the decency to do Although only 8% of women and have always been people who are quick to it since she was the one with a girlfriend ... men who were surveyed revealed they make decisions – and just as quick to act She declared she really was a lesbian after waited more than 10 years to divorce, it upon them. Finally, since the economy has 20 years of marriage.” 

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-news | 43 Front Row (L to R): James C. Jensen, Christine M. Dalena, William M. Laufer, Kimberly N. Gronau Boyd, Joseph P. Cadicina | Back Row (L to R): Julie R. Katz, Terryann K. Bradley, Gregory D.R. Behringer, John J. Harper, Laurence J. Cutler, Mario N. Delmonaco, Michelle A. Benedek, Alexis Nicole Laufer, Carly DiFrancisco LAUFER, DALENA, CADICINA, JENSEN & BOYD, L.L.C. Experienced Family Law Attorneys

LAUFER, DALENA, CADICINA, JENSEN & BOYD, L.L.C. 23 Cattano Ave., Morristown, NJ 07960 • PH: (973) 285-1444 • FX: (973) 285-0271 www.lauferfamilylaw.com • [email protected]

A S A F Table of Contents | .com Directory specialfeature

Photo credit: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com

By Avital Borisovsky

In honor of Divorce’s Magazine’s 20th anniversary, we’ve chosen the top 20 “best” celebrity divorces from the last 20 years.

ince releasing our first issue 20 have managed to take the high road in new spouses. It was a blended years ago, Divorce Magazine has their divorces; here are the top 20 best family like no other. Rumer, the Switnessed the rise and fall of some divorces from the last 20 years. divorced couple’s oldest daugh- of the most famous celebrity marriages. ter, has been quoted as saying, Going through a divorce is diﬃ cult dur- “I never had to split up vaca- ing the best of times, but it can be even tions or split up birthdays… harder when the eyes of the world are 1 Demi Moore & Bruce Willis They always made an effort watching your every move. When you Top honors go to Demi Moore to do all of the family events factor in the rumors, tabloids, and hav- and Bruce Willis, who sepa- still together and made such an ing to divide millions of dollars in as- rated in 2000 after 13 years of effort to still have our family be sets, it’s no surprise celebrity divorces marriage. Their divorce was as one unit, as opposed to two are often quite tumultuous. clearly amicable: numerous separate things, which I think However, there’s a growing trend photos were taken of the actors really made an impact.” of amicable Hollywood divorces, and at events and on vacations we’d like to honor those celebrities who together with their children and .../Continued on page 46

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-news | 44 Top 20 Divorces / Continued from page 44 it’s not with you,” Cox told More daughter in Bora Bora in 2015, magazine. The two have been seen and in Hawaii the year before. Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin taking their daughter Coco out for The exes continue to spend holi- 2 Shining a spotlight on the idea of lunch together and attending her days together, and Sambora has “conscious uncoupling,” actress soccer matches. expressed his love for Locklear: Gwyneth Paltrow and musician “Time does heal old wounds. I Chris Martin have maintained Fran Drescher & Peter Marc mean, I still love Heather and I a close friendship since their 4 Jacobson know she loves me.” divorce in 2015. In a recent article Art imitates life: Fran Drescher and in Glamour magazine, Paltrow Peter Marc Jacobson made a televi- 6 Russell Simmons & Kimora said she sees Martin as a brother. sion show based on their divorce. Lee Simmons “We’re still very much a fam- After 21 years of marriage, the This isn’t your average divorced ily, even though we don’t have a high-school sweethearts called it couple. After more than 10 years romantic relationship,” she told the quits; soon after, Jacobson admit- of marriage, business magnate magazine. The two have been spotted to Drescher that he was gay. In Russell Simmons and Kimora Lee ted vacationing and spending time 2011, the exes were back together Simmons, TV personality and for- together with their son and daugh- again – only this time in the TV mer CEO of the clothing line Baby ter, and Paltrow even admitted show Happily Divorced, which Phat, called it quits. However, they both occasionally sleep over played off their real-life divorce they have since remained close at each other’s houses. Although experience. According to Drescher, friends. Not only have the exes not every situation allows for such the two are best friends and “still spent holidays together, they have close co-parenting, the two are a have a caring, loving relationship.” also vacationed together numer- perfect example of how it’s pos- ous times with their children and sible to stay friends after divorce. Heather Locklear & Richie new spouses in tow. To top it off, 5 Sambora Simmons is the godfather of Lee Courteney Cox & David Arquette In 2007, after 13 years of marriage, Simmons’s son with current hus- 3 After finalizing their divorce in actress Heather Locklear and musi- band, Tim Leissner. Simmons has 2013, actors Courteney Cox and cian Richie Sambora went through nothing but kind words for his ex- David Arquette have remained an amicable divorce. So much so, wife and her new hubby: “I feel friends. “When you love someone, the divorced couple was spotted incredibly close to my best friend you want them to be happy, even if vacationing with their teenage Kimora Leissner and her amazing spouse and now my business partner, Tim Leissner.”

Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony 7 They were friends before they began a relationship, and they’re still friends to this day. Despite their divorce after 10 years of marriage, the two have spent time together with their twin children, most recently celebrating their twins’ birthday. The singers have also appeared on stage together since the divorce, showing off their smiles and happily holding hands. Jennifer Lopez has stated that she and Marc Anthony are good friends and very supportive of each other. 8 Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon Since Nick Cannon filed for divorce from Mariah Carey over a year ago, the still-married couple has stayed pretty amicable. Both have posted

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-news | 45 Hit Your Target 100% of the time!

Advertise with Divorce Magazine and www.DivorceMag.com With editions for every US state and Canadian province, Divorce Magazine and www.DivorceMag.com are the best ways for family lawyers and divorce professionals to reach their target market: individuals who are seeking help before, during, and after divorce.

YEARS

[email protected] • 866.803.6667 x 124 Table of Contents | .com Directory | 46 happy family photos online – separate homes on the same prop- a family photo, alluding to their including on Thanksgiving, Easter, erty so their three children can be close friendship. Griffith has stated and Halloween – showing that near both parents. They are doing that she was “really joyful” and they have been putting differences their best to keep the divorce ami- “life is good.” aside for their children. The host of cable – including hiring a mediator America’s Got Talent has also used to help come up with an agreement Caitlyn & Kris Jenner social media to send his congratu- in their family’s best interests. To 14 Although their divorce after 24 lations to Carey on her engage- make the divorce even easier on years of marriage was tense – espe- ment to James Packer: “Congrats their children, this past Christmas, cially when Caitlyn Jenner began to @MariahCarey and James! May the estranged couple made it a the process of transitioning from God Bless Your Future Union… point to spend time together as a male to female – the two have #GreatPeople #GreatCouple.” family after taking a winter vaca- since become closer. Caitlyn, pre- tion in Montana with their children. viously gold-medal winning ath- 9 Reese Witherspoon & Ryan Although their divorce is not final, lete Bruce Jenner, and Kris Jenner, Phillippe Affleck and Garner have proven reality TV star and mother of the In 2007, actors Reese Witherspoon their commitment to making their Kardashian sisters, have been spot- and Ryan Phillippe divorced after split easier on their children. ted at events together, including eight years of marriage. They have their daughter Kylie’s birthday and stayed friends while raising their Peter Facinelli & Jennie Garth Kendall’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion daughter and son. In a 2014 inter- 12 Twilight star Peter Facinelli and Show. While Kris has admitted to view on HuffPost Live, Phillippe Jennie Garth, known for her role having a difficult time adjusting opened up about his relationship in Beverly Hills, 90210, have been to Caitlyn’s transition, she empha- with his ex-wife. “I think we’ve able to put their children first – sized the importance of letting go gotten to a really great place,” he despite their divorce. The two have for the family. “We have two chil- said. “It’s going well, and she’s kept a joint bank account, which is dren together,” she recently told happy and remarried, and our kids available for both to access when Harper’s Bazaar. “It’s important for are incredible.” The two have been funds are needed for their three my kids to see our family strong seen attending their kids’ sporting daughters’ care and education. Both and united.” events and birthdays together, and declined child support; instead, have also been spotted together on they agreed to deposit equal Miranda Kerr & Orlando Bloom family outings. amounts into the joint account. In 15 Despite their 2013 divorce, for- addition to that, the pair opted out mer Victoria’s Secret model Angelina Jolie & Billy Bob of having a formal custody agree- Miranda Kerr and actor Orlando 10 Thorton ment and agreed to have 50-50 Bloom have stayed friendly. Just They were known for being that custody of their children. These last spring, Kerr admitted to liv- crazy couple who wore lockets two are a perfect example of ex- ing across the street from Bloom containing each other’s blood, and spouses who trust each other and so both of them can be near their they seem to have been able to sus- put their children first – important son, and the pair has also been seen tain a friendship after their 2003 aspects of successful co-parenting. spending time together with their divorce. Both have spoken posi- child. “We’re really close, we’re tively of each other, and Angelina Melanie Griffith & Antonio going to be a family forever and Jolie also wrote the foreword to 13 Banderas we both really do love each other. Billy Bob Thornton’s memoir. “I After nearly 20 years of mar- We have genuine love and respect still love him dearly and think the riage, actors Melanie Griffith and for each other,” Kerr said during world of him… I’m proud to have Antonio Banderas signed their their separation. been his wife for a time,” she told divorce papers in July 2015. Their Entertainment Weekly in 2008. split seems to be amicable: in a Hilary Duff & Mike Comrie joint statement, the exes stated 16 After separating in 2014, actress Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner they would end their marriage and singer Hilary Duff and Mike 11 Some spouses continue living in the “in a loving and friendly man- Comrie, a former NHL player, same household until their divorce ner honoring and respecting each were seen going out together with is finalized for financial reasons. other.” Months after their sepa- their son and even taking a family However, in Ben Affleck’s and ration in 2014, Griffith posted a vacation shortly after announcing Jennifer Garner’s case, money isn’t photo of Banderas and their daugh- their separation – despite an ongo- the issue: they have agreed to have ter Stella on Instagram as well as ing custody battle. The divorce

Table of Contents | .com Directory www.divorcemag.com/divorce-news | 47 was finalized this February, and peacefully. In a joint statement fol- growing up with divorced parents the two have agreed to share joint lowing the divorce, Heidi Klum and a stepfather, recognizing the custody and keep a friendly rela- and Seal explained they were going importance of having both parents tionship for their son. During an through an amicable divorce and maintain a consistent presence in interview on the Ellen DeGeneres that protecting the wellbeing of their child’s life post-divorce. Show, Duff had this to say: “We their children was a priority. Klum are good friends and we laugh a was quoted calling her ex-husband Howard Stern & Alison Berns lot. We have great communication “a great man” and wishing him all 20 In 2001, radio personality Howard and we share pictures when one is the best with his new girlfriend. Stern and his college sweetheart, not with Luca. He’s great, we are Klum, a model and judge on Alison Berns, finalized their great, and we keep on trucking.” America’s Got Talent, and Seal, divorce after 21 years of marriage. a singer-songwriter, have been The pair went through mediation Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green photographed taking their four to finalize their agreement, and 17 Despite filing for divorce recently children out to dinner together not much was revealed about the (in August of 2015), actors Megan and appearing at their kids’ soccer pair’s divorce since both stayed Fox and Brian Austin Green are games, looking friendly and even away from the media – which was already taking on divorcing ami- giving each other hugs. surprising given Stern’s reputation cably. The pair has been seen tak- as a “shock jock.” ing their kids on outings – such 19 Kate Hudson & Chris as on Thanksgiving – and running Robinson While we admire celebs for their errands together. Green is currently While they’re not taking any vaca- talent, these famous couples certainly seeking joint custody of their two tions together, actress Kate Hudson deserve recognition for their ability to sons as well as spousal support and The Black Crowes singer Chris keep things civilized – and sometimes after being unable to work due to Robinson are doing a good job at even friendly – during a very difficult a serious car accident over a year co-parenting their 12-year-old son time in their lives. Divorce is never ago. Ryder. Since their 2007 split, the easy, but finding some common ground two have been seen spending time and thinking about what’s best for your Heidi Klum & Seal with their son, including attending children can make the entire divorce 18 Although the two reportedly had his baseball games and strolling process, and the years that follow, a lot a difficult divorce in 2014, they through the streets of New York easier. If these celebs – who live their have since spoken highly of each City together. Hudson has spo- lives under a microscope – can do it, other and seem to able to co-parent ken openly about her experience so can you. 

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