PROM MANIA IHACA SENIOR pg. 4 RELAYS SUPPLEMENT pg. 16 pg. 9

CONSPIRACY THEORIES page 6

June 9, 2011 • Estd. 1892 • Vol. 119 • No.8• Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com • Ithaca High School, 1401 N. Cayuga St., Ithaca, NY, 14850 • FREE

New Gym SHOUT OUT to the IHS Boys Budget Construction Varsity Lacrosse Team for an Cuts Déjà Underway amazing season et s go ittle ed By ARYEH ZAX . L ’ L R ! Vu Based on the towering be- By SIENA SCHICKEL hemoth made of large concrete blocks, the loud noise and large Last year, the proposed signs of construction crews, budget cuts hit IHS hard, and the detours through the threatening to cut back on main IHS parking lots, all IHS PHOTO/PROVIDED pretty much everything: mu- students should know about sic, sports, and classes. No the new gym-building project. student would’ve escaped the The building, constructed on effects of the new proposed what was once Deebs Field, is budget, and nearly everyone projected to be finished dur- was upset about one thing or ing the fall. However, by the another. Most of the proposed looks of it, the building will cuts were saved because of most likely be completed dur- the financial help from frus- ing December of the upcom- trated parents. Many modi- ing school year. fied sports teams were cut, The gym will have three but luckily the Varsity teams main parts: a spacious, regular were spared. Music groups gym area (which will be a little like Jazz Band, Madrigals, smaller than the current gym), and Pit Orchestra were saved a five thousand square foot by generous donations. workout room, and an inter- This year, the budget has active section featuring such tiptoed around the music and continued on p. 5 sports programs, only threat- ening programs for smaller groups. Proposed cuts in- ississippi lood reaks avoc clude combining jobs within M F W H the district to create a smaller number of them, utilizing By PAUL STOVER that melted from North Dakota and fects on the states it has hit, resulting technology and more efficient South Dakota has streamed down in billions of dollars needed to repair systems to have one or two Over the past month, Mississippi into the Mississippi River, adding to the damage. Due to farmland being people doing more than what has experienced some of the worst the floods. These effects have caused damaged the most, many crop prices, three or four people would’ve flooding in over a century. Two large five states to be affected by the flood: such as corn, have risen dramatical- done. Cuts also affect Eng- storms have poured massive amounts Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Il- ly. The flood has also left thousands lish for Speakers of Other of rain into the Mississippi River, linois and Louisiana. homeless; citizens had to leave their Languages (ESOL) teachers, causing extreme flooding. Snow The flood has had detrimental ef- homes to seek shelter in others areas librarians, and security staff, that were not affected by the flood. among others. It’s debatable Rural areas have received the whether or not transferring largest amount of damage because the cuts to areas where angry

PHOTO/PROVIDED The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers parents are less likely to send (USACE) believed rural areas would a barrage of emails is ethical, face less dramatic damages than cit- but nevertheless, this was the ies, like New Orleans. Consequently, strategy that has proven to the USACE has been controlling bring up fewer complaints. flooding in many rural areas by There has been far less pub- means of floodgates. Residents of licity about the budget cuts these rural areas were informed that this year compared to last their town would be flooded slight- year. ly, giving the residents time to pack Last year, middle school up their belongings and seek shelter and high school students elsewhere. attended one of the board In panic, some residents built meetings to protest the bud- a large ring of dirt around their get’s effects on the music pro- house so that their homes wouldn’t grams. It was so crowded in be flooded and destroyed. The resi- York Lecture Hall that many dents reasoned that the cost to build people were sitting on the the barrier around their house would floor or steps, and there were continued on p. 5 continued on p. 5 2 June 9, 2011 Editorial: US Fails to Embrace Green Technology Editor-in-Chief The energy policies of gimes in many parts of battles for their own inter- The Obama admin- Jade Fang ‘11 [email protected] Editor-in-Chief the United States under the world, such as Saudi ests and very few respond istration wasted a valu- Ingrid Sydenstricker the Obama administra- Arabia, and domestically to the larger changes oc- able opportunity, rather News Editor ‘12 tion remain very short promote the immoral di- curring worldwide. The than offering a bold ini- Larry Ge ‘11 [email protected] sighted and are ineffi- version of food into bio- implementation of green tiative to convert the US [email protected] cient in responding to fuel at a time when there energy technology is now to green energy in a few News Editor the major changes taking is hunger worldwide. The occurring much faster in years and promote the Features Editor Mansi Vohra ‘13 place in the world. The US has been unable to places such as Germany economy through em- Rehan Dadi ‘11 [email protected] US promotes outdated build efficient mass transit and China. It seems that ployment. When Obama [email protected] energy practices that pro- such as bullet trains. The the center of green tech was elected, Americans Features Editor duce pollution and cause government has failed to may no longer be the US; were eager for a change Centerspread Editor Medeea Poperscu ‘13 Ingrid Sydenstricker [email protected] global warming. It sup- dramatically improve en- China leads the world in from the Bush adminis- ‘12 ports dangerous offshore ergy efficiency in homes, the inexpensive produc- tration’s oil friendly and [email protected] Centerspread Editor oil drilling that led to the offices, and vehicles. tion of solar and other warlike policies. For the Kelsey Shang ‘12 BP disaster last year, and Its recycling programs, green technologies, while first time in its recent Arts & Entertainment Editor [email protected] unsafe technologies such which save energy, lag far Germany is rapidly con- history, the US is lagging Kyle Rothman ‘11 as nuclear power, which behind Japan’s and those verting its strong and ad- behind other nations in [email protected] Arts & Entertainment Editor could lead to major disas- of other countries. vanced economy to green adopting a major new Leo Winters ‘13 ters. Due to America’s oil The politicians in power. These nations will technology. This was the Sports Editor [email protected] addiction, we continue Washington are locked in lead the world in the em- time for a bold move and Geoff Preston ‘11 to support unsavory re- various inconsequential brace of these new tools. Obama missed it. [email protected] Sports Editor Siena Schickel ‘13 Penultimate and [email protected] Back Page Editor The 9-11 Mystery Kelsey Shang ‘12 Penultimate and [email protected] Back Page Editor By BEN KOMOR Neither did the planes compro- the United States,” complete with Aryeh Zax ‘14 mise the structure of the Towers. anti-aircraft weapons on the roof Copy Editor [email protected] Many of us saw the incident on The WTC construction manager, and an air base two minutes away. Annelise Raymond ‘12 TV: a jet airliner flying low over a as well as the leading engineer, But, somehow, it was hit 80 min- [email protected] Copy Editor city and crashing into a skyscraper both designed the towers with the utes into the foray, in the most Annelise Raymond ‘12 in spectacular fashion. The image impact of a commercial jet-liner vacant area of the Pentagon. This Photography Editors [email protected] was at once horrifying and hysteri- in mind. The former can be seen was the only part of the complex Medeea Popescu ‘13 cal, made all the more poignant by on YouTube saying that it would that had a sprinkler system and Mansi Vohra ‘13 Photography Editors [email protected] Maddie Brown ‘12 the fact that this spectacle wasn’t a be “like a pencil poking holes in a had recently been upgraded to be Emma Preston ‘13 TV show: Americans were dying, mosquito net” (not seriously com- especially bomb-resistant. Layout Editor [email protected] and many more would brutally promising the skeleton). The pilot of the plane targeting Anna Gill ‘11 die by the end of the day. Other questions surround the the Pentagon, Hani Honjour, was a [email protected] Layout Editor We had been attacked, but by collapse. For instance, Nano-ther- notoriously bad pilot (he failed all Caroline Estill ‘12 whom and why? Our government mite, a mix of thermite particles his Arizona flight school courses). Webpage Editor [email protected] tells us that 19 Al-Qaeda members that the military uses for bombs, Yet he managed to execute a ma- Yuqi Yang ‘11 hijacked four commercial airlin- was conclusively found in the neuver that even the best fighter [email protected] Webpage Editor ers and attempted to fly them into wreckage - akin to finding dyna- pilots would find potentially im- Sunny Joo ‘12 four American landmarks: World mite at Ground Zero. It would possible to perform: a 320-degree Fact Checker and [email protected] Trade Center Tower One, World explain the hundreds of witnesses turn while descending several Fundraiser Chair Trade Center Tower Two, The who heard multiple explosions thousand feet (in a giant commer- Julie Stover ‘11 Fundraiser Chair [email protected] Khalid Vrede ‘13 Pentagon, and The White House; and saw flashes of light as the tow- cial plane) and then flying inches [email protected] all but the last were successful. ers disintegrated. It would also above the ground at more than Business Manager A commission established by explain the many vaporized bod- 400 mph. Was Hanjour the pilot? Jeff Setter ‘11 Business and Advertising our government investigated the ies, the intense heat, and the pools Aviation skill of this magnitude - [email protected] Managers attack, releasing The 9/11 Com- of molten steel coming out of the similar to the remarkable turn of Christina Seung ‘12 mission Report on July 22, 2004. towers. Flight 175 into the South Tower Advertising Manager Paul Stover ‘13 Unfortunately, many questions Additionally, Building Seven, (at 500mph) - may not even be Jason Setter ‘11 [email protected] are still unanswered. which collapsed after Tower One humanly feasible. Strangely, the [email protected] [email protected] The Commission stated that and Two, presents further conflict. Pentagon confiscated scores of the Towers fell due to fire (created It was a high rise skyscraper built videos detailing the attack, re- Distribution Manager Distribution Manager by the plane’s jet fuel) that weak- with the same sturdy metal frame leasing only two videos of their Katherine Hambury ‘11 Greg Chu ‘12 ened the supporting steel beams. as the other WTC buildings and own though of such poor quality [email protected] [email protected] This makes 9-11 the only instance contained sensitive information - hundreds of Pentagon cameras Faculty Advisor Faculty Advisor of fire causing a high-rise 100% related to the financial scams. It would have been able to capture Deborah Lynn Deborah Lynn steel-framed building to collapse stood farthest from Towers One every angle and give a more com- [email protected] [email protected] in the history of mankind. If fire and Two. However, Building prehensive view. weakened the steel beams, we Seven happened to be the third The Secretary of Transporta- would expect to visibly see the and final tower to spontaneously tion said: “During the time that sion wanted to know about and buildings leaning, but this was not collapse on itself. The official- ac the airplane was coming into the things they didn’t want to know so. count said that debris flew off Pentagon, there was a young man about.” The former director of the The Tattler is the student- run newspaper of Ithaca Additionally, we also see that Towers One and Two, setting fire who would come in and say to the FBI also says there was a cover up High School. The Tattler the fire was oxygen-starved and to Building Seven and causing vice president … the plane is 50 by the 9/11 Commission. was founded in 1892, and is was not burning at maximum collapse.The Commission gave it miles out…the plane is 30 miles Recently, six of the ten on the published monthly. temperature, as it produced al- one sentence in the report. out….and when it got down to the 9-11 Commission have also called most entirely black smoke. The More mystery surrounds the plane is 10 miles out, the young its legitimacy into question. The As an open forum, The Tattler invites WTC Tower fires burned on only Towers. A video of the first attack man also said to the vice presi- co-chairs stated that they knew submissions of opinion a few floors and it would have tak- shows an odd burst of white light dent, ‘Do the orders still stand?’ the military had represented facts pieces and letters to the en much longer than one or two before Flight 11 hits the North And the Vice President turned falsely, and considered recom- editor from all members hours to soften the 200-ton steel Tower; another light appears right and whipped his neck around mending criminal charges for of the community. Drop frame. FEMA’s World Trade Cen- before the plane melds into the and said ‘Of course the orders still such statements. 9-11 Commis- off submissions in H134, ter Building Performance Study South Tower. stand, have you heard anything to sion co-chair Lee Hamilton: “I e-mail them to editor@ (1990’s) conclusively called the Fighters were in the air less the contrary!?’” If Dick Cheney don’t believe for a minute we got ihstattler.com. buildings fire-proof ; the towers than five minutes away from the wasn’t talking about one of the everything right”; it was “the first were not brought down by flame. towers when the planes hit, yet four (apparently) hijacked planes, draft” of history. Commissioner Letters can be mailed Real world events have proven none were re-deployed and the then what was he talking about? Bob Kerrey stated: “There are am- to that fire cannot fell a high-rise Air Force was not sent to protect The 9-11 Commission was ple reasons to suspect that there The IHS Tattler 100% steel-framed building. Many NYC from further attack. reluctantly created by the govern- may be some alternative to what 1401 N. Cayuga St. of these buildings have burned The Pentagon attack is per- ment at the behest of the victim’s we outlined in our version . . . We Ithaca, NY 14850 hotter and longer and have not haps an even stranger case. A family members; it was given half didn’t have access . . . .” Former 9- fallen. For instance, the Merid- retired 27-year CIA analyst, who- of the funding that the investiga- 11 Commissioner Max Cleland We reserve the right to edit all submissions. ian Plaza building in Philadelphia presented the Presidential Daily tion of Bill Clinton’s affair was giv- resigned from the Commission, withstood fire for 18 hours. The Briefs and aided many presidents, en. The State Department’s Coor- stating: “It is a national scandal,” These submissions do not Caracas tower burned on over 26 stated that the Pentagon was “one dinator for Counterterrorism said, “This investigation is now com- necessarily reflect the views stories for over 17 hours. of the most secure buildings in “there were things the commis- continued on p. 3 of The Tattler editorial staff.  June 9, 2011 Editorial: A Delicious IHS Hypocrisy: Grinding One could say grinding is the dance of our generation. It is a degrading, tacky “dance” that “I love the way you grind with that booty on me dominates any party, prom, club, and event. Shorty you a dime, why you looking lonely? Gone are the days of Strauss, the twist, even We’ll buy another round and it’s all on me Madonna and the Spice Girls. We usher in rap As long as I’m around put it down on me” with lyrics devoted to explaining the ins and outs of sex, violence, and drugs; and superficial, Deliciously ironic. And this is no exception. All dances auto-toned bullshit. Now don’t take offense, rap DJed by the school and for the school play similar music. can be wonderful and deserves much admira- Music that spells it out clearly: grind grind grind! It is also tion. Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Common, Kid relatively impossible to actually dance to this style of music; Cudi, among others represent one side, though grinding or break dancing is really all that works. so much of what is on the radio could be done The argument that if the administration changes the without. Though discussing grinding itself is a music people won’t go to the dances is just ridiculous. High waste of time. Grinding is what it is and for now, school students are not simpletons who only enjoy one genre is here. or one artist. The world is not a place where only one genre or What is truly entertaining to discuss is the one artist exists. There is plenty of music that people would hypocrisy of our very own Ithaca High School dance to and would love to dance to that does not outright when it comes to grinding. Before every dance epitomize and symbolize grinding. one must sign a contract agreeing to keep one’s And who cares if people grind? Yes, it may appear overly hands (and butt) where they belong. Further- sexual and may be uncomfortable for some, but it is ultimate- more, at these events, teachers, APs, and anyone ly the decision of the students. It is natural that the school else who is willing to devote a few hours of their state that any dancing is not a reflection of the school, is not life, circle around students looking for any inap- endorsed by the school, and is subject to administration con- propriate movements. Some will even join in, trol; however, by the time one is 15 years old, one is compe- walk through the middle, whatever. So, for people tent to make the choice of how one wants to dance. Dances so paranoid about stopping grinding (or at least are school events and should be for the students. What is the in theory), it is ironic that the music played by a value of suppressing the tacky way they enjoy dancing? school-chosen D, would be music that only sup- Get with it IHS. Your hypocrisy is delicious, you cannot ports the very movements the school is trying to prevent. of inappropriate moves were done, people were kicked out, connect to your students, and dances are becoming empty Take Junior Prom. About an hour through the dance, the bla bla bla. Right after, “Down on Me” was played, followed grindfests. Play different music, teach a salsa, or let them music was stopped and one of the APs proceeded to speak by a whole suite of similar music. And just for fun, let’s quote grind, but be creative. Education reform is all the talk nowa- about what is appropriate and what is not. Demonstrations “Down on Me”: days and dances wouldn’t be a bad place to start. 9/11 continued from p.2 Letter to the Editor: promised”, “This White 2002 that intelligence high member in U.S. House wants to cover officials knew that Al- intelligence and told to Dear Editor, reservoirs, by the dams, and responsible behavior. it up.” John Farmer, Qaeda hoped to use “back off” from investi- waterfalls are illegal and pa- Swimming is legal at the the Senior Counsel planes as weapons to gating bin Laden. Most of us at IHS have had trolled. state parks, but illegal in Six to the 9-11 Commis- strike a violent blow to If not a deliberate the pleasure of attending an It is quite likely that David Mile Creek and at Ithaca Falls. sion who led the 9-11 the U.S. government. In sabotage, it was at least engaging, informative lecture was unaware of the hazards Jumping from cliffs is not per- staff’s inquiry, stated, 1994, three American a blunder of infinite during the David Nosanchuk since it was not posted as dan- mitted in either the natural ar- “I was shocked at how planes were hijacked by proportions for our Lecture Series. Maybe you’ve gerous back then or patrolled. eas or the parks. Remember, it’s different the truth was Islamic militarists and government to meet 20 even noticed that the series is I’ve talked with many kids illegal because it’s dangerous! from the way it was crashed into buildings. times with the Taliban named for David Nosanchuk, and adults who have done the Please enjoy Ithaca’s beauty described .... The tapes A 1998 CIA report un- in the days leading up an IHS student who died in a same thing, and remarkably safely and help us as we try to told a radically different covered by “The New to 9-11 in the hopes of swimming accident just as he almost no one recognized the keep these areas natural. Re- story from what had York Times” asserted peacefully apprehend- was about to graduate. danger in what they were do- spect and cooperate with the been told to us and the that Arab terrorists were ing bin Laden, then re- But what has never, to my ing or considered the risks to rangers — they have saved public for two years.... planning to fly a bomb- fuse negotiations after knowledge, been mentioned themselves and others. lives and they work hard to This is not spin. This is laden aircraft into the the Taliban wanted to is that David died doing some- No one who has separated maintain the integrity of Six not true.” WTC. U.S. Intelligence turn bin Laden over to thing that he thought was a a shoulder, fallen off the dam, Mile Creek. Find out more Actions by the U.S. obtained information a different country. normal activity in Ithaca on a cut or broken a foot jumping about the Natural Areas by government after the from multiple sources How could the most warm day in June: swimming into shallow water thought it going to the city website www. attack reflect poorly (in 1998) that stated bin powerful and influen- at the reservoir, maybe swing- was going to happen to them. cityofithaca.org. on it leaders. The bin Laden was considering tial entity in the world ing from a rope, or jumping None thought they’d be part of Laden family and Saudi attacks in Washington not have the means from a cliff. While this sounds a costly rescue that would also --Joe McMahon, Chair, officials were allowed to and New York City. to control its own air like fun, David unfortunately put emergency responders at City of Ithaca Natural Areas leave the U.S. after 9-11. “Time Magazine” re- space? Why didn’t the found out that it is highly dan- risk, but it has happened ev- Commission We maintain friendly ported in 1998 that evi- FAA notify the mili- gerous due to trees and rocks ery summer, too many times, Jerome and Barbara relations with the Saudi dence pointed to a bin tary when the planes hidden under the water, severe since David died. At IHS, Da- Nosanchuk Arabian government Laden strike in those weren’t responding and strong currents, whirlpools, vid’s legacy involves intellectu- who funded bin Laden areas. “USA Today” re- were veering sharply off snags, and extremely cold hy- al growth; please, when you’re All letters are subject to ed- and refused to cooper- ported in 1999 that five course? Why were the pothermic water. These are the enjoying the gorges around iting by the IHS Tattler Edito- ate with us shortly after Saudi billionaires had NORAD commander, reasons that swimming in the town, let his legacy also be safe, rial Board. 9-11. Saudi Arabia also given millions of dol- head of the Joint Chiefs, produced 18 of the 19 lars to Al-Qaeda. and Secretary of De- hijackers. Furthermore, a con- fense awarded with Aviation and secu- versation between an promotions and budget Letter to the Editor: rity officials, as well as ISI agent (Pakistan intel- increases shortly after President Bush and top ligence agency) and an the worst defense fail- Dear Editor, themed dances. To get stu- own. cabinet members said illegal arms dealer took ure in U.S. history? dents ready for these dances, We feel this would be a they would have never place in view of the two If a bunch of ragtag Recently, we think most gym teachers could teach great solution to the issues imagined such an at- towers shortly before terrorists managed to would agree that the school the basic dance steps in gym faced by the administration at tack, but “USA Today” the attacks; the ISI man hoodwink the strongest dances have become an issue. classes. Some such themes present, mainly the issues of reported in 2004 that in pointed to the towers nation in the world, Personally, we know more could be a ball dance, a West- inappropriate dancing and at- 2000-2001 the military and said, “Those tow- then the U.S. govern- than a few students who have ern square dance, a retro ‘50s tire not fitting the dress code. was conducting exer- ers are coming down.” ment should at least set been put off by the dances and dance (with Elvis songs), etc. Also, many students who have cises that simulated hi- A U.S. government in- millions of its citizens have opted out of attending These dances would be much become disillusioned with jacked planes flying into formant recorded the at ease. It should feel due to an unfortunate lack in more sophisticated and would school dances may resume various targets, includ- whole correspondence, the need to comfort the dancing etiquette. Luckily, this lend themselves to much more attendance. ing the World Trade but the complaints family of victims while issue is easily solved. school-appropriate attire. If Center. The CIA direc- “were ordered sanitized proving to the numer- Instead of our current people prefer, they could get in --Annelise and Naomi tor urgently warned top by the government.” ous qualified experts in semi-formal dances with the the mood by buying an outfit Raymond officials in July 2001 of Why? Perhaps this has aviation and architec- norm of loud pop music and from the Salvation Army for an impending attack. something to do with ture that 9-11 was what grinding, it would be prefer- time-appropriateness; other- All letters are subject to ed- “The Wall Street the BBC analyst who the U.S. government able (and a lot more fun) if our wise, they could wear the most iting by the IHS Tattler Edito- Journal” reported in was phoned by a very said it was. school were to begin hosting suitable clothing they already rial Board. 4 June 9, 2011

Prom Fever

By CAROLINE ESTILL ing hand-in-hand with their dates. All in all, everyone cleaned up rather well! June has finally arrived, and you The weather also held up, which made know what that means: it’s prom sea- impromptu photo ops a plus. son at IHS! The dances are go-to con- The dance was also a major fund-rais- versation topics among upperclass- ing event for the junior class, which is men as expectation levels rise for the in the process of earning enough money big event. Who’s asking whom, what for fun events senior year. Generally, cute ways they’re finding to ask their dances bring in the most revenue for dates, and what they’re wearing are each class, and they are much more fun questions on everyone’s mind. than running a bake sale. The Class of The Class of 2012 got the ball roll- 2013 also gathered funds by running the ing with their Junior Prom on Satur- coat check for the evening, and they are day, May 21. The dance was held at also in the midst of gathering enough the Biotech Building at Cornell Uni- money for fun events for years to come. versity from 8-11 pm. Juniors and The fun continues with Senior Prom their guests arrived en masse, dressed on June 18. The dance will take place at to the nines. Although it is entitled Appel Commons at Cornell. Seniors can “junior prom”, there were also many buy tickets for themselves and one oth- lucky Freshmen and Sophomores er person for twenty dollars apiece the who got asked to go by upperclass- week before the event. As with all school men. Most girls wore knee-length or dances, seniors must hand in a code of shorter dresses, though there were a conduct agreement before purchasing few striking exceptions. Suits and ties tickets. Arrive in style, wear your best, were the standard uniform for guys: and bring your dancing shoes for Senior PHOTO/PROVIDED looking like gentlemen while walk- Prom 2011!

NEW GYM continued from p.1 FLOODS continued from p.1 things as a climbing wall and a athletes will be able to go in for expensive. Where there have people lined up against the wall. There simply Dance Dance Revolution! set- a free workout as well. A new been objections, they have aren’t that many people who make up the en- up. Some of the space will be and expansive wellness cen- been about logistics: exactly tirety of the programs that are supposedly under devoted to equipment storage ter will be included, allowing how the new, large space will consideration for being cut or reduced. as well. Both the new and old interactive heart rate moni- be used, where different ac- On the ICSD website, they list this year’s and buildings will be connected. toring. The variety of new tivities will be held, who will last year’s budgets. The overall format of the two In addition, the extra space equipment will also allow for monitor what occurs in the are completely different: last year’s budget is will mean that the regular gym, new units to be placed in the building, and a few other triv- more like an organized chart of the amount of which is often split into as regular gym curriculum; these ial problems as well. money being spent compared to the money be- many as three sections to host include activities based on The gym will bring an ar- ing cut, with percent increase or decrease, while different classes will rarely, if making healthy lifestyle plans ticulately constructed addi- this year’s budget is almost in paragraph form, ever, be again divided. The for the students’ futures. tion to the IHS landscape, as giving estimates to the amount being cut and us- gym will not only be used for The plan has received little well as giving much-needed ing seemingly more abbreviations and codes in classes; like the current gym, it criticism within the depart- room to the many classes who the budget descriptions. Is there a reason for the will see a fair share of users af- ment or anywhere in the share gym space, time. And ambiguity? ter school. Staff members will district hierarchy, though, there will be many new pieces It’s possible that the school board is cowering be able to use the building on important to note that the of equipment that have yet to from last year’s harsh reaction to the proposed their own, modified teams will construction certainly has be unraveled along with the cuts, though it would be a reasonable thing to have practices in the area, and not been (and will not be) in- new gym. do.

FLOODS continued from p.1 You See That Tree? be less expensive than paying for the damage caused by the flood. The residents who did not protect their homes have experienced extreme water damage and some homes have even been completely destroyed or carried away by the flood’s current. In one town, the Yazoo River flooded into the town of Satartia, Mis- sissippi, and flooded several homes. Luckily, levees were put in place to stop much of the water before it reached the farmlands, allowing farmers to plant their crops. The first causality of the flooding was identified to be Walter Cook. He was found in downtown Vicks- burg in chest high water holding a fence so the flood’s current would not carry him away. When the rescuers finally were able to reach him on a boat, he had died. Although there has been only one recorded death, PHOTO/PROVIDED there have been many other major and minor injuries caused by the flood. In spite of these injuries, many people in nearby towns of Mississippi have pitched in to help those less fortunate than themselves by giving them money, aid, and shelters. Hopefully, as time pro- gresses, the effects of the flood will subside, and once- flooded towns and cities will retain their character. write Notice the tree in the quad? That’s right! The IHS green team planted an Autumn Blaze Maple on email [email protected] May 21 to replace the empty stump left by the class of ‘07 senior prank. Hannah George ‘12, co-presi- dent of Green Team, quotes, “At the start of the school year we decided to make it our mission to have a tree in the quad. I think it’s a really nice addition to the school.” Enjoy the shade, IHS! Teacher Feature: CURRENT AFFAIRS Ms. Riboriffic Gray International Justice By ALEKSA BASARA there: “oogenesis,” “apoptosis,” “epididymus,” By REHAN DADI “forest,” and “taiga.” What’s there to say about Ms. Gray? For Having gone through an entire year with Ratko Mladić, the notorious Bosnian Serb military leader who those of you unfortunate people who aren’t our 2nd-period class, Ms. Gray has concluded was accused of war crimes during the Bosnian War during the 1990s yet acquainted with her, there are some basic that our class was “like an untrainable pup- when parts of the former Yugoslavia became engulfed in a civil and things to know. She has been interested in bi- py… always late... pees on the rug...” Overall, ethnic war, was recently captured. Mladić was indicted by the United ology ever since her years in high school and the school year has ended on a positive note Nations appointed International Criminal Tribunal for the former further pursued the subject while studying for both the students and Ms. Gray. She sees Yugoslavia (ICTY). The accusation is for genocide and crimes against at Cornell. There was no doubt that biology us as “eclectic,” “smart,” and most of all, “ri- humanity in 1995; he is accused of the largest mass murder in Europe would be her field, but she narrowed it down boriffic” (ribosome and terrific combined). since the end of the Second World War. to teaching after realizing that she didn’t In fact, her saddest time of the year was Mladić supervised the Siege of Sarajevo (1992-95) and the notori- want to work in a lab. As an undergrad, she “when David Stein was out.” Imagine that, ous Srebrenica massacre (1995). The former is the longest siege of worked with natu- a teacher missing a city in the modern era, during which an estimated 10,000 people ral resources, and a student as if the were killed. And in Srebrenica, some 8,300 Bosnian refugees were Cornell offered a Ribosome and other 25 people murdered, allegedly on Mladić’s order. Consequently, he became program to get a in her class were a known as the “butcher of Srebrenica.” Masters in teach- terrific combined walk in the park. Ratko Mladić was finally arrested on May 26, 2011 from his cous- ing when she was Ms. Gray, al- in’s village home, sixteen years after the crimes he has been accused in her senior year ways looking to of. He was arrested by Serbian special police and handed over for of college. improve, looked ahead next year and said extradition to the Netherlands, where he will face a trial organized When asked about how life was when she she wanted to “make more fun activities.” by ICTY at The Hague. The present Serbian government is said to was a freshman in high school, she replied by After reflecting on this past year, she’s clearly have cooperated in his capture in order to improve relations with the saying, “I was a runner in high school and I noted how well some students respond to fun European Union. was in a marching band.” (Like all the cool activities that are both hands-on and packed Ratko Mladić’s capture for trial brings to mind the case of Osama kids). As she has such a high student approv- with useful information. bin Laden, who was also found in hiding recently. However, he was al rating, there’s no doubt that Ms. Gray knew As a student of hers, I can say with feel- not captured to be tried by a court of law, but rather killed by a team something cool when she saw it. Even a stu- ing and sincerity that it’s been a pleasure to of US forces in his hideout in Pakistan. Clearly, an international trial dent that doesn’t have her as a teacher said, “I learn a subject I originally thought to be just for bin Laden would have been a better option, at least in terms of fol- heard she’s nice,” and for once, rumors prove another class. Now, as the school year is once lowing procedures of justice. And it must also be noted that no one in to be kind! Her own students have just as nice again wrapping up here at IHS, I find myself the US who advocated for war with Iraq beginning in 2003--a sense- words. An Honors Biology student of Ms. valuing all of the information I have learned less, bloody affair that destroyed a country and resulted in tens of Gray, Sarah Nixon ’14, commented the other this previous year. Moreover, I find myself thousands of deaths and millions of devastated lives--has even been day, “I think she’s nice, and motivational. She valuing my amazing teachers like Ms. Gray, questioned regarding their criminal and immoral decisions and acts. always makes us laugh with her metaphors.” and only hoping for the future that IHS has For international justice to have broad and universal appeal, it must Some cool words that Ms. Gray finds to be many more teachers like her in store for me apply equally to all people and across all nations. Despite Mladić’s her favorite are all science words, no surprise and others in the years to come. capture, we are still very far from living in such a world.

Literary Linguist: Words to Know in a Globalized World Native North American Words in English

By Rehan Dadi of poles, used by some North American Indian Potlatch peoples. Bayou From Nootka. An opulent ceremonial feast From early Choctaw bayuk, “creek, river,” via among peoples of the northwest coast at which Wampum French. A marshy lake or wetland. possessions are given away or destroyed to From Massachusett wampumpeag, literally display wealth or enhance prestige. “white strings.” A quantity of small cylindrical Caribou beads made by North American Indians from From Míkmaq qalipu, “snow-shoveler.” A large Powwo quahog shells, strung together and worn as North American reindeer. From Narragansett powáw, literally “he dreams.” decoration or used as money. A North American Indian ceremony involving feasting, singing, and dancing; a conference or Caucus Perhaps from Algonquian cau’-cau’-as’u, meeting for discussion, esp. among friends or “adviser.” A meeting of the members of a colleagues. legislative body who are members of a particular political party, to select candidates or decide Tepee (also teepee or tipi) policy; the members of such a body. From the Sioux “tipi,” dwelling. A portable conical tent made of skins, cloth, or Hogan canvas on a frame of poles, used by From Navajo hooghan. The primary traditional peoples of the Plains and Great Lakes home of the Navajo people made of logs and regions. earth. Totem Kayak From Ojibwe nindoodem, “my totem,” From Inuit qayaq. A canoe made of a light referring to a kin group. A natural object frame with a watertight covering having a small or animal believed by a particular society opening in the top to sit in. to have spiritual significance and adopted by it as an emblem. Pemmican From Cree pimihkan, “to make grease.” A paste Wigwam of dried and pounded meat mixed with melted From Abnaki, “their house.” A dome- fat and other ingredients, later adapted by Arctic shaped hut or tent made by fastening explorers. mats, skins, or bark over a framework CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Obama: Alien or American? The By KHALID VREDE Conspiracy To most Americans, President Barack Hussein Obama II was born Existence August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii. Despite this fact, supported by the release of Obama’s certificate of live By INGRID SYDENSTRICKER birth, conspiracy theorists continue to deny the evidence and insist that Conspiracies seek to pro- Obama is an illegitimate president. vide explanations for the The main argument of these ‘birther’ manifestation of evil or the theorists is that Obama’s certificate of unanswerable. What is good, live birth was fake and that he was not what is evil, why is evil pres- born in the United States, making him ent in our society, and how unfit for presidential office. Secondly, does it act? How does a soci- before they can be convinced that he ety as civilized and modern as is a legal U.S. citizen, they demanded ours continuously have cha- he release his long form birth certifi- otic, disastrous events which cate. we cannot fathom? Two differences spring from this Conspiracy theorists wildly request alone. First, the certificate of and exaggeratedly shout an- birth and the document originally re- swers and point fingers at a leased by Obama was the certificate group or an individual who released at the hospital after any baby allegedly acts covertly to is born. The so-called “long version” achieve a malicious cause. is almost never released to a person According to Michael unless they specifically request it. Barkun, author of A Culture There would also be no incentive to of Conspiracy, conspiracy retrieve such a document because the theories are based upon three shorter certificate of birth is the legal principles: document that actually carries weight. 1. Nothing happens on ac- A person may not be able to perform cident; such tasks like obtaining a passport 2. Nothing is as it seems with their long form birth certificate. as author Jerry McCrea, who authored Science at Rutgers University, pro- and; Another puzzling accusation is the “Where is the Birth Certificate?” and vides a clear take on the matter by 3. Everything is connected. birther’s accusation that the Hawai- stated that Obama is not a legitimate saying, “[conspiracy theorists] have These three principles ian government doctored or was vul- president. an unwillingness to confront what the stand at the heart of every nerable to the doctoring of Obama’s Many Americans are torn about consensus of humanity knows to be a conspiracy, defended without already released birth certificate by this issue for one simple fact: why did fact.” People that believe these ran- evidence by mostly paranoid his unnamed secret operatives. If this it take Obama so long to release his dom ideals cannot be silenced or rea- leaders attempting to under- were true, as theorists such as Donald long birth certificate? Well, maybe we soned with, so the best course of ac- stand failure. Trump and author Jerry McCrea be- should be asking ourselves why John tion is to ignore them and teach other Barkun continues to break lieve it to be, who is to say that the sec- McCain’s birth in the canal zone, that open minded individuals the facts of up conspiracies into three ond document has not been tampered may have legitimized his candidacy, the matter. Polls show that 75% of main groups: with either? Why would a calculating had almost never been mentioned? Americans believe their President is 1. Event conspiracies: con- forger simply neglect to doctor both The President should not be forced to a U.S citizen. In terms of party views, spiracies related to a specific documents? If they were adept, they succumb to bigotry (if it can be avoid- more than 40% of republicans believe event or string of events, with wouldn’t leave the door wide open for ed). he is illegitimate while about more a clearly defined objective; conspiracy theorists to deny the valid- Furthermore, accusations that than 70% of democrats believe he is 2. Systemic conspiracies: ity of the second document upon its Obama is a Muslim show the unset- legitimate. conspiracies associated with release. The former Health Depart- tling mindset of people more con- Although these types of issues can extensive goals such as con- ment Director of Hawaii has even cerned with such issues instead of our be frustrating and take away the spot- trolling an area, a nation, or stated that she has seen Obama’s long nation’s economy or foreign policy. light of worthier news stories, the fact even the world! These are of- form birth certificate and testifies to Muslims are followers of Islam; how- that they remain can be somewhat of ten associated with certain its validity. Opportunists, such as Don- ever, being born in Kenya does not a comfort to Americans. It shows that ethnic, religious, or political ald Trump, however, deny all evidence make anyone more Muslim than being our nation upholds the Constitution groups; that refutes their stance on the matter; born in Texas would make one more allowing any member of our society 3. Superconspiracies: a su- Trump has voiced his intentions to Christian. The suggestion that be- to more or less express his or her feel- perconspiracy involves the send investigators to Hawaii but none ing a Muslim is bad or anti-American ings. Even if these feelings are racist, combination of both event have been reported concluding find- should be completely rejected by all sexist, anti-Semitic, homophobic or and systemic conspiracies, ings. Making money and capitalizing intelligent, self-respecting American demonize Islam and other faiths. In with one large force at the top on these theories seems to be at the citizens. the end, only time will tell what new of the hierarchy which manip- forefront of many peoples minds, such Ross Baker, Professor of Political and equally unfounded theories await ulates the rest. These are often thought to have both secret activities and identities. Regardless of conspiracy May 21st: Rapture At Last? activity or structure, the core of these theories is to give a name to what cannot be ful- ly understood. To question, By NIKA MAISURADZE the exact date of Rapture; nevertheless, there were some often after a heated period, who took the prediction to heart. why and how? People cannot Let’s face it: Ithaca isn’t exactly the most the religious Take Nastya Zachinova, a 14-year-old Russian who comprehend how humanity place on Earth. Thus, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that hanged herself in the hopes that she could avoid the pain acts, and often due to lack of the whole May 21 “Rapture” business didn’t have a notice- of doomsday. Or the mother who attempted to murder information or education, able impact. Aside from the occasional dismissive “I am her two children to “spare” them pain (but who luckily they throw their hands up in a teenager, so I know everything” comment, most people failed). the air and cite reasons based didn’t pay too much attention. May 21 came and went with no strewn empty clothes upon faith. Facts are useless as For those who didn’t know, Harold Camping, an old ra- all over the street or earthquakes that destroyed the rest of the conspiracy is above insti- dio preacher, predicted that on May 21, 2011, those who humanity. So naturally, Camping apologized and admit- tutionalized knowledge, and were among God’s devoted followers would rapture up to ted he was wrong, right? Nope, he just postponed the date it has control over everything. heaven and leave the rest of the ingrates on Earth to expe- to October. Did I mention that he predicted Rapture back They are Big Brother and you rience disastrous hell. Most Christians and secular people in 1998 and in September of 1994? (Although, it must be are the hopeless individual alike dismissed the predictions as stupid and unfounded, noted, Justin Bieber was born awfully close to that last pre- too gullible to believe they as the Bible clearly states that no one could possibly know diction). don’t exist. Or are you?  June 9, 2011 The Moon Landing or Not?

By ARYEH ZAX Moon: America’s Thirty Billion scending rather slowly and did not Another idea is that NASA, Even by ignoring the evidence Dollar Swindle. require the heavy use of thrusters, eager to avoid public humiliation already presented, it is doubtful On July 20, 1969, NASA’s many Kaysing’s argument stated that hence the lack of dust disturbance. (perhaps of astronauts tragically that the United States faked the missions and training exercises NASA did not have the expertise Since Kaysing, other theories crashing on live TV), faked the landing. This is simply because of culminated in Apollo 11’s success- to actually put a man on the moon revolving around public image landings to keep receiving fund- the enormous number of people ful landing on the surface of the and the photographs taken lacked and the Cold War have sprung ing (and then somehow bribed the government would have to moon. Over the next three years, stars and dust which should have up. It is suggested that the U.S. the Soviet Space Program to keep stop from talking. The astronauts, the Apollo Program continued been blown up from the moon’s government was desperate to win quiet). the president, all of NASA’s em- sending more astronauts to the lu- surface by the rocket thrusters. the Space Race against the Soviet The last view to gain major sup- ployees, and many other people nar surface. That is, of course, the However, his claims did not Union, its major opponent, during port was that the landings helped would have had to have been mainstream theory. Many theo- seem to stand up to factual ex- the Cold War. However, wouldn’t keep the public eye away from the steeply bribed (or, as many con- ries about “what really happened” amination. The first claim directly the Soviets have jumped at the Vietnam War. The U.S. govern- spiracy theorists would say, myste- have arisen since then. Despite contradicted all official reports. In chance to prove Richard Nixon ment must have been pretty slow riously killed off) to prevent them varying in degrees of accusation, response to the second claim, the and NASA liars? It would have to only attempt to distract public from speaking. Sadly, a topic yet all at least partially deny the truth pictures were mainly taken dur- been an incredible boost for pro- opinion fifteen years from one unbreached in the discussion is of a moon landing. ing daytime and the sun outshone paganda if the United States was of the most condemned wars in whether the astronauts made it to The conspiracy theory denying the stars. In addition, many stars identified as a fraud. But it was history! Overall, like most of the the moon, or whether they went the Apollo 11 moon landing was do appear brightly in ultraviolet never fulfilled even though Rus- moon conspiracy theories above, far beyond it. Who’s to say that published in 1974 by Bill Kaysing pictures taken by telescopes. To sia had all the technology needed they are filled with many holes Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin in his book We Never Went to the the latter, the spacecraft was de- to do so. that are easily spotted. didn’t accidentally land on Mars?

A History of American Conspiracy Theories Conspiracies in

by MEDEEA POPESCU “savages,” the deeply religious Puritans final straw fired the colonists’ anger and the Movies suspected Native Americans of being sense of betrayal, and certainly had some As long as human beings have minions of Satan, a belief that justified part in the Revolution. By SIENA SCHICKEL searched for the meaning of the events the atrocities committed against them From the 1800’s onwards, conspiracy around them, there have been indi- and the land that was seized. A few de- theories became more familiar to us. For Ever since movies have been available to viduals who proposed explanations so cades later, the witch hunts of New Eng- example, Americans encountered the the general public, they have usually includ- far-fetched that they were labeled con- land engendered theories about “witch Freemason Conspiracy (theorized in the ed a theme relating to current events and spiracies- the “idea that many important gangs” that had made a “diabolical pact” 1820’s) which claimed the Freemasons international relations. In World War II, political events or economic and social with the Devil. were exerting political control or per- propaganda was everywhere telling people trends are the products of secret plots that In the early 18th century, the focus forming occult activities. As a result of the to buy war bonds and support the troops. are largely unknown to the general pub- of conspiracy theories shifted from reli- Civil War, conspiracies that questioned In the mid 1900’s, technology had a major lic.” The definition doesn’t inspire much gious figures to the slaves owned by most the true intentions of “northern aggres- impact on media both in its quality and confidence, but this wasn’t always true. colonists. Slave revolts scared their mas- sion” created a deep divide between the content. Movies like Star Wars and Apollo For a long time, a conspiracy theory was ters, and many groups of black people North and the South. 13 were created, due to the rapid growth a neutral term used to describe a civil, were hung or beaten in response to the Finally, fears of Communism mani- of technology, making anything seem pos- political, or criminal-organized wrong- rumor of a black conspiracy. The threat fested in the forms of the Red Scare, after sible. doing, such as government corruption of a black conspiracy would scare white the Russian Revolution, and again during In today’s media, there has been a ris- or the conspiracy to assassinate Abraham Americans for more than a century; the McCarthy Era. Modern conspiracies ing popularity for movies about conspiracy Lincoln. It slowly began to be used as a but in 1775, the American Revolution include the existence of aliens, the truth theories. Apocalyptic movies, like Know- pejorative to identify unjustifiable stories provided another venue for plots and behind Princess Diana’s death, the valid- ing, The Road, I Am Legend, and The City involving a secret plot by conspirators. intrigues. American politicians, newspa- ity of global warming, etc. Since there is of Ember, tell the tale of completely different In America, the oldest conspiracy per editors, and clergymen spoke about no indication that the flood of alternate apocalypses, showing the countless number theories can be traced back to the Pu- a British plot to reduce the people of the theories will ever stop, we can expect of conspiracy theory films within each cat- ritans and other early settlers. Alone in 13 colonies into slavery and the King of conspiracies to be an integral part of egory. Movies like JFK, Salt, 2012, and The a unknown wilderness surrounded by being a member of the conspiracy. This American culture for years to come. Da Vinci Code all are based on conspiracy theories; a few are based on real conspira- cies, while all are widely discussed. Film Director Oliver Stone’s JFK paved The Roswell UFO Incident the road for such controversial movies. JFK depicted the events leading to the assassi- nation of President John F. Kennedy and By KELSEY SHANG story was swept from the local eroglyphics on them that... the crash as well. However, implied the existence of ulterior motives by newspaper, the Roswell Daily could not be broken, could there were immediate con- Lyndon B. Johnson in the murder. Being a For centuries, people Record, to the Air Force, and not be burned. I even took tradictions between the two little early for its time, people were angrily have pondered the existence to the head of the FBI. Im- my cigarette lighter and tried testimonies. For example, calling it “an insult to the intelligence.” Its of extraterrestrial creatures. mediately after collecting the to burn the material...But Anderson initially described reviews were mixed and debated, but it Whether one believes in them object from Brazel, the Air something that is even more the alien eyes to be blue while marked a pivotal point for future movies or not, it is undeniable that the Force of Fort Worth released a astonishing is that the pieces the diary stated they were like it. public image of aliens is every- statement deeming the “disc” of metal that we brought back black. Whether the diary was Since people want to watch relatable where. Besides being a popu- to be a weather balloon, later were so thin...the boys came falsified or not, Uncle Ted had movies, it’s not a coincidence that films lar theme within conspiracy identified to be from the se- to me and said: “...I tried to “died” before he could defend dealing with conspiracy theories are the theories, the fear of aliens is cretive governmental project, bend the stuff ...I even tried his book or the ink used after most viewed and the highest-grossing. visible throughout any given Mogul, instead. Whether this it with a sledgehammer. You his death. The film industry most likely thinks of time period and form of me- press release was indeed true can’t make a dent on it.” The Roswell UFO Incident conspiracy theories as a god-send with so dia. With the rapid develop- or a massive cover up by the Another account includes remains a popular conspiracy many financial records broken. The Da ment of space technology, government is still fervently that of Gerald Anderson in theory and holds great cul- Vinci Code made $230 million worldwide more and more people may debated. However, the ma- 1990. He claimed that in 1947, tural significance within our on its opening weekend, which is the third be accepting the possibility jor discrepancies within this he along with his family en- society. Like Area 51 or Orson largest opening weekend in history. 2012 of intelligent life beyond our event are responsible for the countered a crashed “space- Welles’ War of the Worlds, the received $770 million overall with mixed solar system. One of the most varying contradictions be- ship” along with four of its Roswell incident is a promi- reviews, but is one of many apocalyptic and controversial and famous tween each account. passengers. He characterized nent theme in television, lit- post-apocalyptic films all produced within conspiracy theories is the Ro- Years later, many witnesses the aliens stating they had erature, and music. a small time frame. swell UFO Incident; the mas- eagerly came forward to each eyes that were “oval-shaped, For example, the lead vo- The reason for all the excitement pro- sive impacts of this event still recount their stories of alien and very, very big. They were calist of the Foo Fighters, Dave duced by conspiracy theories is not for their transcend into modern times or UFO encounters. While a bluish color. Not blue like in Grohl, has a strong interest in validity. After events like 9/11, the discovery and remains a heated topic. some accounts were objective, human eyes, sort of a milky the supernatural. Their band of the Mayan calendar, or even the (failed) In the summer of 1947, others were bold and colorful blue.” Having only been ex- name is actually an old term Rapture, we are beginning to realize the William Ware “Mack” Brazel or even falsified. tremely young at the time of for describing UFOs and they flaws in our society, government, and reli- encountered a strange pile In 1978, Major Jesse Mar- the crash and yet, remem- have even gone to the extent of gion, and thereby need to know the cause of debris near Roswell, New cel, Intelligence Officer from bering it in such excruciating naming their record label, Ro- for these things. Especially after 9/11, The Mexico. As Brazel’s public- the Roswell Army Air Field detail led many investigators swell Records. The Foo Fight- Transportation Security Administration ity grew, “bright wreckage base, when asked about the (except Stanton Friedman) to ers have also performed at the came into existence as a direct response to made up of rubber strips, debris, said, discredit his claims. Ironically Roswell Air Force Base and the attacks. As people began to suspect that tinfoil, a rather tough paper “There was all kinds of enough, months after the in- even at the very crash site. other events like 9/11 would happen again, and sticks” became secretive stuff—small beams about terview, Anderson returned Whether one believes the imagination ran wild: past airport security whisperings of “flying discs three eighths or a half inch with a diary from his Uncle stories or not, this cultural to the government and to the mortality of possibly used by aliens.” The square with some sort of hi- Ted, conveniently detailing icon is definitely here to stay. life on earth. 8 June 9, 2011 Cascadilla Boat Club and IHS Habitat for Humanity Club Partner for Fundraiser

PHOTO/PAM HANNA By REHAN DADI

Cascadilla Boat Club (CBC) and IHS Habitat for Humanity Club joined forces for a benefit event, CBC’s annual “Row For Humanity” Fundraiser “Erg- A-Thon,” held on Saturday April 2nd. Fifty-eight CBC crewmembers and alumns rowed on ergometers (row- ing machines) for over 5 hours at The Shops at Ithaca Mall, collectively logging 400,000 meters (250 miles)! CBC Varsity Crewmember Joey Menzenski ‘12 rowed a marathon for more than 3 hours of 42,195 meters. Corporate sponsorships as well as personal do- nations for the rowers’ efforts added up. The total amount raised was $5,400, of which over $1600 was presented to Habitat for Humanity to fund their home building projects for the local community. CBC’s por- tion will be put to use for scholarships and equipment purchases and maintenance. CBC Varsity members Molly Pritz ‘13, Kelly Jirka ‘11, Samantha Granison ‘11, Sean Soules ‘11, Rehan Dadi ‘11, Kevin Ladd ‘11, and Oliver McNicoll ‘12 were also involved in the fundraising. On May 26, CBC Row For Humanity crew fundrais- ers met with members of the IHS Habitat For Human- ity Club at Ithaca High School. CBC Row For Human- ity Coordinator Joey Menzenski presented a check to Mane Mehrabyan, President of the IHS Habitat For Humanity Club. Also present was Damon Ferguson, representing the board of Tompkins Cortland Habitat for Humanity.

Highly Biased Politics: Foreign Intervention The Real American Way and the Western World

By MIKE HALL By ALEJANDRO YOUNGER Therefore, it reaffirms my statement that I am always right. Trust me, this works too. In late 1993, Rwanda was on the brink of a civil war. An ethnic I spent all year writing about politics and So those rules govern life. All of it. New- divide between the Hutus and the Tutsis was seemingly unbridge- at this point, I am a little bored.The entire ton got physics in only three laws and I just able, and foreign diplomats within Rwanda sensed the need for point of this column was to allow me to did life in the same. Trust me, I am never intervention. Apart from a small peacekeeping force hobbled to- voice my opinions on random things that wrong. gether by the United Nations, with a very strict mandate not to are prevalent in the world, and politics hap- Until the next crappy, biased writer, just discharge their weapons, no one took any notice. What happened pens to be one of those things. remember that it’s over 9,000 and monorail in the following 100 days is beyond comprehension. By now, I am fairly certain that my reader cat is disappointed with your lazy ass driv- The Hutus, one of Rwanda’s ethnic groups, systematically base consists of exactly zero people inter- ing a car to school when you could bike. Just slaughtered the Tutsis until the Rwandan Patriotic Front, a group ested in politics and maybe ten seniors (or don’t try the stuff the guys on YouTube can of ethnic Tutsis, pushed in from Uganda and recaptured the coun- underclassmen I know) that are reading do without a camera. I mean, try your hard- try. In those short 100 days, between 800,000 and 1.2 million peo- just to make fun of me two or three days est to make sure there is a camera around. ple lost their lives. All this happened while the West stood idly by later. So I am breaking the cardinal rule of The 5th Law of the Internet is: If it would and watched: given Rwanda’s economic and strategic unimpor- the YouTube Era Internet: I am feeding the be really cool and there is a camera present, tance, not one nation chose to lift a finger to help stop genocide. trolls. it will go wrong and the Internet will love The United States and its allies only see fit to intervene when So I hereby provide you with Alejandro’s it. (This IS derived from Murphy’s laws and such actions could reap positive benefits for themselves. Other- Rules to Life. This guide will ensure that you the intersection of their jurisdiction with wise, when oppressive leaders of “unimportant” countries commit become a crotchety old man by age twenty- those of the Laws of the Blagosphere.) egregious violations of human rights against their own people, the five with cynical views on the world and the {If you believed any of the above, then industrialized nations of the world turn a blind eye. This is simply expectation that we are screwed thanks to you are probably really dumb. Or, my new not acceptable. We cannot continue to stand aside and allow hu- stupid greedy bastards, err, politicians. favorite person. Either way, REALLY pay man suffering to occur on an unimaginable scale. First Rule: Be wary of everyone and attention to the camera thing, because that Recently the United Nations Security Council approved the everything; they are after your freedom. has 80% validity (for me) as opposed to the use of military force in Libya to prevent the slaughter of rebels by The only way to be safe is to cut the bud- 20-30% for the rest of this pile of trash.} government forces. Libya produces 2% of the world’s oil. In Zim- get and increase military spending. I am [And in the event that this article is even babwe, Robert Mugabe has been president since 1987. Human warning you now, we only spend 48% of the more useless than I intended it to be, I Rights Watch has reported that the Zimbabwean government world’s total military expenditure. When blame the Tattler editorial staff. As in, con- has committed massive violations of human rights. No action to everyone decides to revolt against the just tact me and I can send you the original. I speak of has been taken by any industrialized nation. and righteous rule of Team America, their will be really pissed if this clause gets nixed The divide is clear: intervention occurs only where it will be 52% expenditure will edge us out. This is though.] beneficial to the nations intervening. It is simply unacceptable that not acceptable. Build more silos. Buy more Trolls nomin’ yet? Good. If your trollatite we’ve allowed President Karimov of Uzbekistan to have stayed in Apaches and AC-130’s (I know you CoD isn’t satisfied, just go to YouTube like all the office since 1990, President Obiang of Equatorial Guinea to have nerds out there are complaining because regular trolls. stayed in office since 1979, and President Saleh of Yemen to have Harrier-AC-TacNuke is OP, but quit whin- stayed in office since 1978. We can no longer allow our govern- ing. America is safe). *Limited time offer only, redeemable ments to sit and watch countless citizens of the world be mur- Second Rule: You are always right. You through June 1st, 2011 and this will only dered, raped, tortured, and enslaved. As a nation, as a world, as do not need to argue your point in any sort work IF this appears in font 6 or less in the human beings, we must do better. of coherent manner, because you could Tattler. I.e, don’t increase this text size, edi- never possibly be wrong. Just end all argu- tor, they aren’t supposed to be able to read ments with: “Once you see how right I am, I this. You shouldn’t be able to read it either. will have won this argument.” I guarantee* SHRINK IT NOW. I don’t expect to keep my The Tattler needs ads. that it will work. Just trust me, I am always guarantee, so shrink the text, so that when right. You will see soon enough how right they can’t read it and come crying to me I Support us by buying one. I am; this strategy works. Plus, God is on can point back to it and tell them to learn to my side. He works in mysterious ways. So read. Or invest in a magnifying glass. email [email protected] mysterious that I am always right. The Tattler does not associate itself or Third Rule: The Internet never lies; it is affiliate with Alejandro Younger. Views ex- always right, just like me. And somewhere pressed by the author are solely his (crazy on the Internet, it says I am always right. ones). SENIOR SUPPLEMENT

Name: Tim Angel Name: Matt Brooks Nickname(s): KT, Timbo, Iceman Nickname(s): Blondie Motto: “Live well, Laugh often, Love lots” Motto: How’s Life? Secret Ambition: To run my own very successful Secret Ambition: I plead the 5th business and to marry my love Favorite IHS Class: English Media Favorite IHS Class: Earth science with Ms. Bronson Favorite IHS Memory: Field Day ’10: band performances Favorite IHS Memory: Playing Ultimate with the crew At IHS, I will miss most: Free periods with friends At IHS, I will miss most: My friends, I will miss all them Plans for Next Year: SUNY Cortland Class of ‘15 dearly. Shoutouts: Ms. Bronson (and the rest of Earth Science Plans for Next Year: Attending Alfred University for Period 8 Class of ’08) Business Administration with a minor in Entrepreneurship Shoutouts: Courtney Smalt – I love you so much!! Name: Joe Butler Robbie Briotta and Jenny Lee – You guys are my brother Nickname(s): Joey B, Boy yo, Boe Ju and sister. I love you both. Mom, dad, Bill, Jan – Thank Motto: Cash Rules Everything Around Me you for supporting me. I could not of done this without Secret Ambition: Satanic High Priest you guys. Grandma and Grandpa Angel – I love you and Favorite IHS Class: Art I know you’re watching me. I hope I’ve made you guys Favorite IHS Memory: Class Color Day proud. Grandpa Stebbins – I miss you so much, I hope At IHS, I will miss most: The awesome people I’ve met I made you proud. You’ll be in my heart always. Thank over the years. you everyone. Plans for Next Year: painting, drawing, and more painting Shoutouts: my dads, DJ Fox, Anton Lavey, P-Dog, Name: Gabi Bennet Molan Dorton, E-Dez, Dougie Fresh, L4i, the Vixens, the Nickname(s): Gabs, The Elf Dyke barnacle, and Gus-Bus Motto: Yo dawg yo! Secret Ambition: To build an entire city of Sunnydale Name: Kelly Cameron Favorite IHS Class: Film Study with Anderson and Nickname(s): Mr. Man, Schmelly English 11 with Mr. Armstrong Motto: Never wear pants on Wednesday Favorite IHS Memory: Everyday in Judy’s room with Secret Ambition: to twice over the world Marley, Carrie, Aydan, and Matt Favorite IHS Class: AP Lit with Mr. Byrne At IHS, I will miss most: My friends and favorite teachers Favorite IHS Memory: playing on the IHS field hockey Plans for Next Year: Studying film at Ithaca College team At IHS, I will miss most: seeing all my awesome friends Name: Helen Bergstrom – I love you guys! Nickname(s): Hells Bells, Hells, Bergalicious, Berg, Plans for Next Year: TC3 with Cornell Transfer – Kelsey Berger Merritt Motto: When life gives you lemons… make lemon Shoutouts: Dah Poe – reach for the stars! mousse tarts with candid lemons Secret Ambition: When I grow up I want to be Sylvan Name: Adam Chamberlain Whittemore Nickname(s): Godzilla. Favorite IHS Class: APES with Ms. Bronsen At IHS, I will miss most: Linda + Cheryl serving me lunch Favorite IHS Memory: Mr. Borthwick’s demonstration of every day. chivalry and rapping Plans for Next Year: College At HIS, I will miss most: The Christmas lights in the Tattler office and Nigella’s creamy voice Name: Liam Cody Plans for Next Year: Environmental Engineering of Motto: Between a walk and a hard pace Brown University Favorite IHS Class: Mr. Carver’s Econ… yikes… 10th Shoutouts: Winston Wenham your number is one Gym with Ms. Palmer Favorite IHS Memory: The great times with my Name: Miriam Bernstein teammates Nickname(s): Meerkat, Shmir Mir, Mir Mir, M-wam At IHS, I will miss most: Maddren, Bronson, Bernstein, Motto: Meowchowfrow, whataryagonnado? Williams, Powers, Jordan, Anderson, Lutter, Pusher, Secret Ambition: To go to Mars with Y-Nasia “eye get it Hunter, Drix, Donnelly Thank you all brodie” Adams Plans for Next Year: SUNY Geneseo Favorite IHS Class: AP Geo with Vicki Gornall & the Shoutouts: Nick Conklin, make better decisions at senior Kr3w prom <3 At IHS, I will miss most: Going H.A.M. in gym class. Plans for Next Year: Getting wild & crazy with Sexy Lexi Name: Jen Cook at Brocky P. Secret Ambition: Find Waldo before John Nord does. Shoutouts: S/o to Abel for being annoying! And Maj for Favorite IHS Class: zoology boing my fav & always being a sweetie … Kinda JK. Favorite IHS Memory: getting to play the new Lovejew. Hold it down for 2013…. contrabass clarinet in the new Kulp. At IHS, I will miss most: seeing my friends everyday and write

email [email protected] hanging out duringCLASS lunch. Plans for Next Year: study Equine Science and Name: Kelly Jirka Management at SUNY Morrisville. Nickname(s): Kel, Kooey, Kel Bel, Boobz Motto: Never regret. If it’s good it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, Name: James Eaglesham it’s experience Nickname(s): Yeti, Jaime, Something sham. Secret Ambition: Marry into Royalty. (Prince Harry, how Motto: Get money, get paid, Aiiiight you doin’?) Favorite IHS Class: Spanish Favorite IHS Class: H Global sophomore year with Favorite IHS Memory: The IHS Concerto Orchestra Borthwick At IHS, I will miss most: Mrs. Craig verbally abusing Favorite IHS Memory: Lunch / Cosmo dates with Carlee Kevin Nicholson At IHS, I will miss most: Cheryl, she made my day Plans for Next Year: Study Microbiology at Cornell everyday. Plans for Next Year: Cornell 2015! Name: Caroline Fleischauer Shoutouts: Varsity Girls Crew Team: Kick Pittsford’s butt Nickname(s): C-Fleisch next year! To my lax bro: stay weird, stay fly. Motto: “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyways. You’ll be dammed if you do Name: Matt Johnson damned if you don’t.” - Eleanor Roosevelt Motto: Think less than you do. Secret Ambition: To be a foreign ambassador and work Secret Ambition: Become a ski bum at the UN to help improve the lives of people around the Favorite IHS Class: AP Bio with Ms Gray world. Favorite IHS Memory: The spring basketball season Favorite IHS Class: Medieval History with Ms. P-B At IHS, I will miss most: Ms Gray, Ms Bronson, Mr. Favorite IHS Memory: Dancing through the hallways and Lesser and even Rich Bernstein parking lot, jamming in Atsede’s car, CTB dates, going to Plans for Next Year: Binghamton University Costa Rica, and Senior Week Shoutouts: Ithaca XC can beat Frisbee club any day At IHS, I will miss most: All the friends I’ve made, the amazing teachers, and hanging out with all my seniors in Name: Corey Mahaney H-courtyard, laughing our heads off Nickname(s): Corus, Cordus, Cordous, Crodus, Crordus, Plans for Next Year: Attending St. Lawrence University, Coraster, Coreycorpuscle, Jucorey Majoring in Global History, Minoring in English and Motto: Everything is shit European Studies Secret Ambition: Grow an brain Shoutouts: The 3rd Period lunch crew and especially Favorite IHS Class: AP ART Suzie, Sammie, Mieke, Atsede, Becca, and Carrie. I Favorite IHS Memory: lunch Junior year love you girls so much and I’ll miss you like crazy! At IHS, I will miss most: Nothing Plans for Next Year: School of the Art Institute of Chicago Name: Josinah Gachia Motto: “usisanau hisani kwa dhiki ya mara moja.” Name: Jordan Mathews Secret Ambition: Open a restaurant. (serve mostly Nickname(s): JDM, Jordy chocolate desserts) Motto: “Don’t tell me the odds!” At IHS, I will miss most: Ms. Rumney & Ms. Sadusky Favorite IHS Class: US History (spending free time in their classes) Favorite IHS Memory: The day I started playing Plans for Next Year: College (BYU) tiddlywinks Shoutouts: Kylie Kopp, Alex Hay, McKenna Hagerdon, At IHS, I will miss most: Tables in the Quad WITHOUT Ashley Fairbank <3 Chains Plans for Next Year: Apprenticeship at Barbershop, Name: Rebecca Jakubson working as stylist for a salon, taking courses at TC3 Nickname(s): Becca, Schmecca, Schmec, Bex Shoutouts: Everyone who ever tried to be patient with Motto: Don’t stress out about it, the Universe has a me, and gave me a chance. Thank you so much! Oh funny way of working things out. yeah, and here’s a shout to HAN SOLO! :D Secret Ambition: To live in a houseboat and travel the world Name: Alistair McAlistair Favorite IHS Class: Medieval History with Mrs. P-B Nickname(s): Harvard Graduate Sophomore year Motto: I hate the riff-raff and their uncultured ways Favorite IHS Memory: CLASS COLOR DAY!!!!!! Secret Ambition: What’s there to need? I’m already At IHS, I will miss most: Chilling in H courtyard every wealthy and have graduated from the premier university morning. Catching up with friends. in the world – I get everything I want! Plans for Next Year: Cornell Class of 2015, Arts & Favorite IHS Class: Economics Sciences Favorite IHS Memory: Insulting venders by asking for CONGRATULATIONS! change for $100 bills find Waldo. At IHS, I willOF miss most: Wishing I were rich and2011 Favorite IHS Class: Lunch successful – Now I can actually be rich and successful Favorite IHS Memory: New Kulp! Plans for Next Year: Re-enter the family business so I At IHS, I will miss most: Hanging out with friends during may receive billions from my trust fund free periods. Shoutouts: To my personal chef – thanks for all the tasty Plans for Next Year: Studying Physics at SUNY Buffalo caviar! and Division 1 Swimming Shoutouts: To music students  take care of Kulp! And Name: Kelsey Merritt Mrs. Zawel!! Nickname(s): Lt. Dan, Kelsey Vananada Sassypants, Creeper Maque Name: Tara Lobo Motto: When in doubt pull a pocket Kelsey out :) p.s. Nickname(s): Tobo there’s never enough sass Secret Ambition: Re-install the pumpkin at the top of the Favorite IHS Class: 7th period pre-calc with Mr. Noyes Cornell clock tower Favorite IHS Memory: Winning the state championships Favorite IHS Class: H-Courtyard 2nd & 3rd period in hockey. I’m going to miss you guys. Favorite IHS Memory: Escapes to Purity At IHS, I will miss most: Seeing my beautiful friends At IHS, I will miss most: My lovely friends and teachers everyday and telling our crazy stories, they never get old! Plans for Next Year: Motel School of Hospitality Plans for Next Year: TC3. Hi Kelly :) Administration at Cornell University Shoutouts: To all my amazing friends, I love you guys so much and to all the underclassmen good luck with the Name: Jesse Reynolds next few years! Nickname(s): Jess, Jessica, Jesse McCartney, J-Rey, Tha J-Dawg Name: Gabe Millman Motto: Get rich or die tryin’ Nickname(s): Brothahansel Secret Ambition: Marry Ms. Gornall; construct human Motto: Bold statement centipede Favorite IHS Class: Concert Band Favorite IHS Class: Health Favorite IHS Memory: Summersaults in the car Favorite IHS Memory: Cuddling and hugging with Kayla At IHS, I will miss most: Ms. Rumney in the hallways Plans for Next Year: Studying Sound Recording At IHS, I will miss most: Kayla’s gentle touch Technology at IC! Plans for Next Year: FBGM Shoutouts: Ms. Rumney Shoutouts: All my girlz… Ismini Ethridge, Lucie Sorel, Melinda Casey, Rachel Sally Name: Kevin Nicholson Nickname(s): Big Stick Name: Stefano Rigucci Motto: Death before Dishonor. Motto: “If there’s a will, there’s a way.” Secret Ambition: To paint flames on the Boonemobile Favorite IHS Class: Theater, Chemistry, and English Favorite IHS Class: Combined, 10th grade At IHS, I will miss most: The diversity and opportunities At IHS, I will miss most: Getting verbally abused by Ms. Plans for Next Year: Attending the American Musical and Craig every day for 3 years. Dramatic Academy in Hollywood, CA Plans for Next Year: Go to college at Gettysburg (and stay there for both semesters) Name: Kyle Rothman Shoutouts: To D-Wells and Molan Dorton Nickname(s): Lazy-Bathrobe Dad Motto: Kill People, Burn Shit, Fuck School Name: Carlee Norberg Secret Ambition: Proper fatherhood, Gumption Nickname(s): Cans, Carleh, babeh cake Favorite IHS Class: English / Media w/ Mr. Byrne Motto: Sing with all the colors of the wind. Favorite IHS Memory: Finding new groups of friends my Secret Ambition: Marry Johnny Depp and sail around the Sophomore year, Destroying H-Courtyard Senior year world. At IHS, I will miss most: The Graffiti Art Shows in the Favorite IHS Class: H Global w/ Borthwick bathrooms, my best friends, all the student bands Favorite IHS Memory: lunch / cosmo dates with Kelly Plans for Next Year: Documentary Study and Production At IHS, I will miss most: Emmy Smith at the Parks School at Ithaca College Plans for Next Year: Umass Amherst 2015 Shoutouts: Peter, Imma Punch You. Dad, I remember. Shoutouts: Emmeh girl, we’re stealing a fine truck and heading to Mexico. Narlehs stay scoileh! Ya hear! Name: Lily Sahn Nickname(s): Brown Suga Precious, Lils, Wilsy Poo, Bil. Name: John Nord Motto: Hakuna Matata Nickname(s): Nerdles Secret Ambition: To become a Kardashian. Secret Ambition: Learn the ways of the force. And then Favorite IHS Class: AP US History and awk Monday CONGRATULATIONS! mornings (right Kel?) Name: Natanya Stryhas Favorite IHS Memory: Class color day sophomore year. Nickname(s): Natty Ice, Nat, Natty J At IHS, I will miss most: Gelly tossing Carlee into Motto: to get what I desire, it is my empire underclassmen boys every day after 7th period Secret Ambition: to be a super model Plans for Next Year: Georgetown University 2015 Favorite IHS Class: APES w/ Bronson Shoutouts: Rachel, Emmy and my lil siter Emma! Carry At IHS, I will miss most: “bronzing” in the quad on the legacy, Stay fly, Stay weird. Plans for Next Year: Lehigh University! Shoutouts: R. Pollak and the lunch bunch Name: Courtney Smalt Nickname(s): Court, Cortaca, Court sport, Courtneylou Name: Zoë Stewart Motto: Tim don’t hurt yourself Nickname(s): Zozima the warrior princess Secret Ambition: Travel the world Motto: “A Full tummy = a happy dino!” Favorite IHS Class: Combined w/ PB, Spanish II H w/ Mr. Secret Ambition: Backpack Europe! Morales Favorite IHS Class: Social Studies with Mr. Favorite IHS Memory: Senior trip & having to see my Borthwick boyfriend be taken by ambulance to the hospital Favorite IHS Memory: Last Choir Concert and At IHS, I will miss most: My women the scandalous affairs that commenced Plans for Next Year: Attending Houghton College major At IHS, I will miss most: My friends and the sexy ladies! Pre-Med Plans for Next Year: TC3 Environmental Science Shoutouts: To all my SITBers I <3 you all Shoutouts: AWKWARDSAURUS!! Name: Casey Smith Name: Peter Thompson Nickname(s): Forrest, Schmasey Nickname(s): Pdog Motto: never wear pants on Wednesday Motto: size does matter Secret Ambition: I can’t tell you. It’s a secret. Secret Ambition: Find Waldo Favorite IHS Class: 7th period pre-calc with Mr. Noyes Favorite IHS Class: How to live healthy: with Boone (mull-teh-plick-eh-tiv and Inky Boy) Favorite IHS Memory: Feeding Steve Weissberg Favorite IHS Memory: Aida and The Wiz (love you guys) At IHS, I will miss most: Blanton Sheilly At IHS, I will miss most: Seeing my friends everyday. And Plans for Next Year: Become the world’s premier Jenkem J.L. dealer Plans for Next Year: Elmira College ‘15 Shoutouts: THC and all my boys in the industry Shoutouts: To Jenna (I love you) and St. John – keep getting syrupy drunk! Name: Dylan Wells Nickname(s): D-Wells, Dryan Werrs, Dryllan’ Wells, Name: Elias Spector-Zabusky Dyrah Werr Nickname(s): That kid with the hair Motto: Fuck cops Motto: Don’t Be STUPID Secret Ambition: Gotta catch ‘em all Secret Ambition: To have a fro Favorite IHS Class: Fractals + Chaos Favorite IHS Class: AP LANG Favorite IHS Memory: dropping Peter Pillardy’s pencil Favorite IHS Memory: That one time that thing happened into his own Pellegrino At IHS, I will miss most: having first period free At IHS, I will miss most: Mr. Tuori aka T-Dawg Plans for Next Year: Brown University Plans for Next Year: Study environmental engineering at Shoutouts: No Drexel University Shoutouts: Tiddlywinks club is the best club. Eh Steve! The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

By BENNETT WINTERS males, but no one, and I mean no one, was into them the way Oscar was. To him, they Dominican author Junot Díaz has been on were the beginning and end, the Alpha the literary scene for a while, having published and the Omega, the DC and the Marvel.” his first work 15 years ago with the short story These quotes, despite their obvious al- collection Drown and currently serving as a lure, make it seem like the novel is solely writing professor at MIT. It was not until very about the quest of one sorry ghetto-nerd recently, in 2007, that Diaz put out his first nov- to get laid. And in some sense, it is. el, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, but But Diaz injects this simple premise with what a novel it is. elements that give the book a much greater The titular character, Oscar de Leon, is the scope. Elements such as the ever-present son of a Dominican immigrant living in the cross-cultural identity crisis through the ghetto of Paterson, NJ. The simplest way to ex- contrast of Yunior and Oscar’s character. plain Oscar’s character is to label him as a nerd. Yunior’s voice here and there will strike a He is an extension of an archetype we are only very profound note and its contrast with too familiar with: he spends his time with his the rest of the language makes it that much grossly overweight body planted in his room, more affecting. For example, a section cov- reading sci-fi, and lusting after women from ers Oscar’s mother Belicia in her highly afar. naïve and scarred days of Santo Domingo The fundamental difference between Oscar youth (Yunior did some research): and typical characters like this is his heritage “Beli at thirteen believed in love like a (and of course Díaz’s awe-inspiring aptitude at 70-year-old widow who’s been abandoned developing character without cliché). It is best by family, husband, children and fortune put by the novel’s narrator and Oscar’s eventual [but] believes in God.” college roommate, Yunior de Las Casas, when As mentioned, the de Leon family’s he states, exploration of their roots and the subse- “Anywhere else his triple-zero batting average quent setting of the Dominican Republic with the ladies might have passed without com- for about half of the novel is vital to its ment, but this is a Dominican kid we’re talking scope. This aspect helps develop the arc of about, in a Dominican family: dude was sup- Oscar, bringing his journey to light as one posed to have Atomic Level G, was supposed to of many in the very human search to de- be pulling in the bitches with both hands.” fine and obtain “home.” Yunior narrates all but small sections of Oscar and this development are the ex- the novel, so every page is written in the voice treme focus of the novel—almost to a fault demonstrated above, which, aside from Oscar’s at some points. The character of Oscar is character, is the most redeeming aspect of the so dominating, magnetic, endearing, and novel. Yunior’s voice in all its slang, pop-culture relatable in all his ineptitude that when- references, and profanity rolls off the tongue of ever his story is more indirectly explained the mind with ease and is charged with emo- PHOTO/PROVIDED through the tribulations of his family tion. The street voice also gives the novel’s truths members, we cannot help but think, “When’s Oscar a familiar, resonating humor, an example being Os- looked like in terrorist heaven.” coming back?” which only makes his “on-screen” car’s regard for his older sister’s high school friends Later, he compares Oscar’s aptitude with women time that much more rewarding. early in the novel: to that of a college kid with a “Phantom of the Opera The novel claims throughout its text to be about “When they were around he didn’t need no Pent- burn” across his face: the de Leon legacy—the harsh realities of the Amer- houses. Her girls were not too smart but they were “At least Jeffrey could claim an honest medical ican dream through the endless and almost super- fine as shit: the sort of hot-as-balls Latinas who only condition. What could Oscar claim? That it was natural struggles of their line—and on a thematic dated weight-lifting morenos or Latino cats with Sauron’s fault? Dude weighed 307 pounds, for f***’s level it no doubt is. But on a personal level, on a level guns in their cribs. They were all on the volleyball sake! Talked like a Star Trek computer! The real iro- of pure narrative strength and incentive to turn the team together and tall and fit as colts and when they ny was that you never met a kid who wanted a girl page, this Pulitzer Prize-winning novel is all Oscar went for runs it was what the track team might have so f***ing bad. I mean, shit, I thought I was into fe- and Yunior.

“Thor” in Action By KHALID VREDE Thor begins with the power of a God but has it taken away by his father, Odin, as a result of his glory-seeking recklessness. Thor is also banished to Earth and Thor, based on the Marvel comic, uses both Greek and Norse mythology to found almost immediately by a group of scientists including Jane Foster (Natalie chronicle the beginnings of the God of Thunder. The movie brings together a Portman). strong cast with Chris Hemsworth (who has played minor roles and was seen The scientists help to rehabilitate him, though shortly after their well-being in Star Trek) as Thor and Anthony Hopkins (Wolf-man and The Right) as Thor’s is threatened by a mysterious government agency and Thor must rise above his father, Odin. The role of the cunning and manipulative villain, Loki, is played by own desires to protect his new human friends. He must also protect his father and Tom Hiddleston and Thor’s damsel in distress is played by Natalie Portman, the those on his planet who are being threatened by his brother, Loki, and a horde of recent Academy Award winner for her role in Black Swan. monsters yet to be defeated. The camera expertise can be accredited to director Kenneth Branagh, who has Throughout the movie, Thor’s main goal is to learn how to be a king rather than starred in Valkyrie, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets. He has also directed just a strong warrior. Loki, the villain, sees this dilemma and capitalizes on it at various adaptations of Shakespeare’s works, including Hamlet. Branagh’s Shake- every turn. In the end, viewers are left with a triumph and cliffhanger that leaves speare influence is evident in Thor through the themes of honor and paternity. you eager to see what will happen next in Thor’s story. These ideals, coupled with the cinematography of the director of photography, The main selling point for Thor would definitely be action. Through the stra- Haris Zambarloukos, help to create a favorable and entertaining blockbuster. tegic use of slow-motion and sudden loud bass sounds, the film keeps you on The movie presents a typical hero figure with a couple of twists. For one thing, continued on p. 15 14 June 9, 2011 A& Orchestra The Force is with the IHS Band Spring Concert: By INGRID SYDENSTRICKER Norwegian vagabond traveler Peter Gynt. “Ritual of the Tribe” by Chris Brooks followed, per- Ethereal, Right off the bat, the IHS Band started its spring concert formed by an eight-person percussion ensemble includ- with the performance of “Casey at the Bat,” a classic tale ing Edan Bar ‘13, Eric Crossen ‘11, Anthony Jang ‘11, Eric Moving, and of baseball put to music by Randol Alan Bass. The poem, Juers ‘11, James King ‘14, Siena Schickel ‘13, Jose Sinon ‘12, by Ernest L. Thayer, was narrated by William Hefner and and Gabe Millman ‘11. And what is better than a full-out describes the story of the Mudville Nine and their attempt percussion ensemble? Pure percussion is bliss. Too bad the Dramatic to come back in the last inning. Casey, their last hope, is piece was only a couple minutes long. at the bat - the excitement swells, and alas, he strikes out. For saxophone lovers, a saxophone quartet jazzed up By CHRISTINA SEUNG The music perfectly amplifies, epitomizes, and intensifies the stage, performing “Diffusion for Saxophone Quartet” the tale. by Gordon Goodwin. Will Van DeMark ‘12, Jackie Cornell On May 18, the IHS Orchestra hosted Following the first performance, a whole array of small- ‘13, Paul Westin ‘11, and Corey Eaton ‘11 played together, its second concert at the newly renovated er ensembles followed, showing the immense musical tal- joined by Gabe Millman ‘11 on drums. The entertaining Kulp Auditorium. ent that our school has. piece included a variety of expressive lines, unique melo- The concert started with the Boyce Gabe Millman ‘11 was the first to take the stage and per- dies, and fun rhythms. Symphony, which consists of three move- formed “Yellow After the Rain,” a marimba solo by Mitch- To top off the night, Nicki Zawel, the band director, chose ments. The first movement was light and ell Peters. The piece was beautifully mesmerizing and well perhaps one of the most epic compositions: the theme from joyful, the second was mournful, but still played. the Star Wars Trilogy by John Williams, narrated by Jordan airy, and the third was speedy and full of A woodwind quintet followed, with Eleanor Bayles Matthews. The powerful, majestic, and much anticipated excitement. The most impressive aspect of ‘13 on flute, Emily Long ‘13 on oboe, Ian Thompson ‘13 work clearly showed how strong the band program is at this performance was the fact that this big on clarinet, Joon Park ‘13 on bassoon, and Emma Otto- IHS (and that John Williams, without a doubt, knows how orchestra of more than 70 kids succeed- Moudry ‘13 on horn. The five performed “The Peer Gynt to compose). ed in not dragging down the piece with Suite No. 1, Op. 46” by Edvard Grieg, arranged by Joachim So bravo to the IHS Band and director Nicki Zawel: the heavy bow strokes, keeping the lightness Linckelmann. This famous piece of music was utterly concert was phenomenal and showed that the band is a intended by the composer. lovely to sit and listen to. The instruments complimented force to be reckoned with. Bravo, bravissimo. The second piece on the program was and conversed with each other as they told the story of the “Psalm and Fugue” by Alan Hovhaness. The sound of this piece was simply ethere- al. At first, it started out slowly. If any oth- er high school orchestra played this piece, it might put everyone to sleep. However, the IHS orchestra was able to add shape Album Review: Tyler “Goblin” to the composition through crescendos and decrescendos. A bit later, the Fugue comes up, in which each section comes in By LEO WINTERS However, despite the dark at different times with the melody. Even content of Tyler’s music, his though every section was playing some- On May 10th came the long-awaited lyrics always seem to have thing different, it all fit like a jigsaw puzzle, release of the first album on a large-scale a sort of humorous, almost and as a whole orchestra, the piece sound- record label of (formerly) underground sarcastic tone. This is shown ed like the entrance music to Heaven. rapper Tyler, the Creator of the Los An- on Goblin on tracks such Then James Eaglesham ’11, the principal geles-based hip-hop collective Odd Fu- as “Fish” and “B***h Suck cellist, took the stage for his performance ture Wolf Gang Kill Them All (abbrevi- D**k”, in which he mocks of the Saint Saëns Cello Concerto op. 33, ated OFWGKTA). The album, entitled out the extravagant appear- first movement. Although he was sick, his “Goblin,” was released by XL recordings, ance and womanizing na- delivery of the fast-paced dramatic piece which is currently signed with Beck, ture associated with typical was moving and impressive. The second M.I.A., Radiohead, The White Stripes, hip-hop culture. concerto “A Carmen Fantasy” by Proto and Vampire Weekend, so needless to Other key tracks on the was played by Sam Shuhan ’11, the prin- say Tyler hit it pretty big. album are: “She”, in which cipal bass. Shuhan successfully played the Goblin isn’t Tyler’s first album, how- Tyler raps about stalking an suspenseful and beautiful music with tre- ever. His first was “Bastard,” which he ex-Girlfriend with a ridicu- mendous skill, on a double bass! had as a free download online. After lously poppy R&B chorus Following this was the 2nd Movement “Bastard”’s release, he gained a cult fol- sung by fellow OFWGKTA of Beethoven’s 7th Symphony. In the be- lowing for his characteristically baritone member, Frank Ocean; ginning, after the wind section gives a voice and incredibly vulgar — some- “Transylvania”, in which Tyler returns several other members of OFWGKTA, short leeway to the strings, the string times shocking — lyrics about rape and to his characteristically graphic, yet and, regretting what he has done, begins sections start, playing the same rhythms murder over heavy bass. smooth and catchy lyrics; “Sandwitch- to rebel against the therapist who keeps from instrument to instrument. What Track one of “Goblin” sort of serves es” which has become a sort of anthem telling him everything’s okay. The thera- could have been monotonous made the as an honestly forgettable introduction for OFWGKTA and their fans, the cho- pist then wrestles him into a straight audience stay on the edge of its seat due as to who Tyler is, but sets the mood well rus consisting of just “Wolf Gang” being jacket and in a “twist” anyone could have to the vivid emotions incorporated by for the rest of the album. The album’s repeated over and over to a catchy beat seen from a mile away, the therapist re- the orchestra. By the middle of the piece, second track, “Yonkers,” is really what played by a synthesizer that sounds like veals he’s actually been Tyler’s alter ego however, the audience began to hear the transferred Tyler from the underground it was taken out of the soundtrack for an the whole time. countermelody, which is incredibly pow- scene to immense popularity, by means NES game; and “AU79”, an impressive So, Tyler’s first major album was erful and liberating, compared to the of his music video which goes along instrumental track. definitely not a letdown, he just needs beginning of the piece. Throughout the with it. He released “Yonkers” in Febru- My only complaint with the album to focus more on his music than his piece the flutes, oboes and clarinets play ary, and it’s now approaching 11 million is that it tries a bit too hard to follow a “mentally unstable” image and making beautiful tunes which contrasted nicely views on Youtube. Over the course of storyline, putting small exchanges be- his albums chapters in an ongoing sto- with the two other powerful and repeti- the video, Tyler eats a cockroach, vom- tween Tyler and his “therapist” at the ry. I can’t complain though, the album tive themes. its it up, gets a nosebleed and then hangs end of tracks in an attempt to transition only had a few skip-worthy tracks, and The concert culminated with the 4th himself, to lyrics which involve killing between songs without breaking the managed to keep me engaged the whole Movement of Tchaikovsky’s 4th Sympho- pop stars such as Bruno Mars and B.O.B. conversation Tyler and the therapist are way through. I’m just glad someone is ny. As an introduction, Mr. Myers, the and a ridiculously catchy synth riff. The supposed to be having over the course out there providing an alternative to the orchestra director, told the audience that video’s shocking nature caused it to get of the album. Near the end of the album, “Gucci and Sigga-weed” obsessed image he would say nothing about the piece, and spread by word of mouth throughout on tracks “Window” and “Golden” the that I was afraid had swallowed rap for indeed the piece did speak for itself. Right the Internet. story concludes with Tyler shooting good. from the beginning, the cymbal and the high, strong notes jolted the audience. For the most part, this piece was suspenseful, intense and vigorous. There were parts in which the melody was slower and beau- tiful, but no less powerful. The piece was HELP WANTED full of life and the ending was even more photographers, amazing. The drums, the cymbals, the The Tattler needs winds and the strings all played so ener- and most of all, getically and dynamically that as soon as the piece ended the audience jumped to cartoonists, their feet to applaud. The IHS orchestra gave a great last email [email protected]. concert of the year—it was delightful, for more information ethereal, suspenseful, dramatic, exciting and impressive. 15 October 22, 2010 A&

Album Review: Death Grips “Exmilitary”

By DYLAN WELLS

From the heat of Sacramento comes the umpteenth Zach Hill-related group, this one being the least Zach Hill-like. Known for his mad flailing drumming style accompanying the likes of Marnie Stern, Wavves, Hella, and Mick Barr (as well as a handful of solo albums), Zach Hill is one of the most exciting forces in music. As a part of Death Grips, however, it’s easy to forget that he is at all related. Death Grips is comprised of three or four people, the only named mem- ber being Zach. From what I can understand from various blogs, Death Grips is just some of Zach’s friends, and all of them have equal participation in the writing/recording/producing process. The only content on their site pertains to their music. As you can tell, Death Grips likes to be known as a group that makes crazy music and not as an outspoken social networking group of people. You may be asking, “Well, that’s nice and all, but what do they sound like?” The mixtape is titled Exmilitary and militaristic rap is the easiest way to describe their sound. Most of the songs are yell-rapped and the instrumen- tals are very intense, with plenty of glitchy synthesizers and drums. With the exception of their most popular song “Guillotine,” the songs are densely packed with synthesizers, distorted vocal clips, and samples of the likes of Pink Floyd, Link Wray, and Black Flag. For those who listen to music with screamed or yelled vocals, the vocal style of Death Grips will be right at home. If you aren’t conditioned to harsh vocals, Exmilitary might feel like being yelled at by a psychopathic hobo for 45 minutes. Songs like “Takyon” and “Klink” have driving percussion in addition to the main drum beat, which makes the songs louder and more energetic. On the whole the mixtape is very loud, and joins the Odd Future gang in the that goes “It goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes guillo- new “mosh rap” style of music, which is not as weird as it may seem: it’s vio- tine YAH,” and what sounds like a motorcycle changing gears as part of the lent rap that demands a violent response on the listener’s end. It’s perfectly melody. It was really weird, but I liked it enough to check out the rest of the viable for both rap kids and punk kids to listen to. mixtape. Now, as I’m listening to it more and more, I can’t help wanting to When I first heard “Guillotine” I wasn’t sure what to make of it. The spars- go wild in a crowd while this blasts out of the speakers. Just like moshing to est song on the album, it has a slow bass-snare-snare drum beat, a chorus punk, the correct body response to Death Grips is a primal one.

THOR continued from p.8

the edge of your seat during just about all of the fighting scenes (which are in great abundance). The storyline isn’t bad, either; an appropriate use of comedy and drama is used throughout and the dialogue never becomes too campy. The storyline was already present in the comic book, so filmmakers can’t take all of the credit. Nevertheless, Thor re- Plan a ceived very favorable reviews, such as a fresh score of 78 from Rotten Tomatoes and an 81% approval rating from the gen- eral public. All in all, Thor is yet another successful,action- packed Marvel hero movie, yet a bit forgettable. I would rec- ommend this movie to anyone who enjoys action, though it doesn’t present much hearty content for an impassioned SMART and discussion afterwards. SAFE prom! Valleyview Photography Vincent Aiosa 149 Shaffer Rd. Newfield, NY 14867 (607) 564 – 3560

Planned Parenthood 2012 High School 314 West State Street Seniors

It’s time to be thinking Downtown Ithaca about your Senior Portraits. Do you want Professional Quality Portraits that cap- 273-1513 ture your individual style and personality? If so, contact Valleyview Photography. PPSFL.ORG We offer a wide variety of choices of por- FACEBOOK.COM/PPSFL trait sessions and packages. Call 564-3560 to book your session or to get more information by July 30th. You will receive 50% off your session fee and a gift certificate for a FREE Family Portrait Ses- sion – a $75.00 value. Contact us soon to insure that you get your session time scheduled and to take advantage of the offer above. Available times will be filling up quickly. The Dan Fravil Ithaca Relays

By EMMA PRESTON score, the meet was run flu- ently. Coach Parker, Coach Hunter, Coach Baker, Coach The Ithaca Relays have Erin, and Coach Drew all been a tradition and a attributed this to the excel- highly enjoyed event by lent planning. all for many years. Some The temperature this year years there’s rain, some was unseasonably cold, with years snow, and some showers passing through the years there are spectators area. In spite of the weather, dripping in sweat, but no 21 teams from assorted dis- matter what, the Relays tances traveled to the Little have always been meticu- Red track to compete. Re- lously run and extremely lay track meets are differ- competitive. ent from any other because This year marks the re- every event is a relay made naming of the event to the up of four runners for track Dan Fravil Ithaca Relays, events and two throwers/ after the beloved Coach jumpers for field events. Dan Fravil who passed On the girls’ side, Vestal away unexpectedly last took first, Elmira Southside September. The spirit and took second, and the IHS the competitive edge was girls took third, followed the same as any other year by Newark Valley, Oneonta, in spite of this, and all Horseheads, and Union En- remembered Dan Fravil dicott. On the boys’ side, fondly during the ten- due to a scoring error, the minute intermission. Dur- results are unavailable. ing this time, IHS cross country and track runner Liam Cody ‘11 spoke about A unique tradition of the Ithaca Relays is to sell red and gold t-shirts, along Coach Fravil. Geoff Preston ‘11, who has been a track athlete for four years and with giving specialized t-shirts to the first-, second-, and third-place winners in a cross country runner for one comments, “It was well done and a great way to all events. When traveling to other track meets throughout the season, athletes remember Coach.” wear their shirts with pride to show that they have achieved something at the The Relays have always been known for running very smoothly without any Ithaca Relays. glitches; therefore, this year Coach Parker joined the other track coaches in We look forward to next year, no matter what the crazy weather may bring us, making sure this claim remained true. Aside from one minor issue in keeping and hope that the Ithaca track and field team can take back our first-place title.

Wacky Sports: Fistball, the Man vs. Horse Counterpart of Handball Marathon Unveils Surprising Results By DYLAN KAISER four years. These take place one year after the most recent Olympic Games take place. By JADE FANG By now, all of you have heard about a pop- Fistball was first introduced by the Ro- ular sport called handball. But what about its man Emperor Gordian III in 240 A.D. This is Usually, sports that are not considered mainstream are fist counterpart? Some of you who are read- the earliest year historians found have found thought of as “strange” or “wacky” if people can’t pin-point ing this article may be thinking that I am cra- involving fistball. In the year 1555 A.D., An- the athletic ability needed to be a participant. A prime example zy for saying that handball has a counterpart, tonius Scaiono rewrote the games for fist- is cricket in America (or the idea of cricket in America). But but there is one: it is called fistball. ball. Then in 1786 Johann Wolfgang Goethe sometimes, a sport may be considered weird because its entire Fistball is a popular sport for those who introduced the game into Verona Italy (even concept seems preposterous. know about it; it isn’t known globally, but though Johann was German). Enter the Man vs. Horse Marathon. The notion that a human it’s a lot like sports that we know today. This So far there have been three types is able to outrun a horse at any distance, much less a 22-mile sport is played mainly where it was invented: of fistball world tournaments. These are the race over rugged terrain, was silly…until it happened. Twice. Europe. Fistball World Championship for Men. An- While traditional sports involving horses usually have the hors- One of the sports that fistball is based off other version has the same rules but it is only es carry jockeys across the finish line, this sport has them racing of is tennis. This is because it is played a lot for women. There is also a version called the along the same track as human marathon runners. like tennis and volleyball, only with differ- world games for both men and women. Each year, the event takes place in Llanwrtyd Wells, a small ent rules. The object of the game is to hit the The game spread when Germany town in the parish of Llanwrtyd in Powys, mid-Wales. The ball over the net - but the amount of hits are brought it to South Africa, South America quest to find out which is faster over open country – man or limited since only five players can hit the ball and emigrants brought it to the U.S.A. Fist- horse – originally took shape in a pub. The first event was held three times before the play is over. Also, you ball can be played on a soccer field (if you can after Gordon Green, then landlord at the Neuadd Arms in can have up to one bounce before striking the get a net on it). Although some people in the Llanwrtyd Wells, overheard a discussion about whether a man ball a second time. United States play this sport, it remains un- could ever match or even beat a horse in a cross-country race. Although the sport is unknown to a lot known to most of the country. The claim was that, over such a long distance, man was equal to of the world, millions of people play it. There This game shows the connection from horse. Over flat terrain a horse should easily win. But in open is even a fistball world championship (which volleyball to tennis. So basically, fistball is a country? Green decided to put the matter to the test. is mostly made up of European competitors). “combination sport” , meaning that it is like The race route heads northeast out of the town square, but One of the best placing countries in the world two or more sports merged into one sport. soon turns onto hillside and rough forest tracks. Competitors is Germany. Germany has won eight cham- For those of you who are reading this and have to cross two rivers and climb more than 3,000 feet. Run- pionships in a row (if you count West Ger- want to know when the next world fistball ners start out 15 minutes before the horses to avoid any acci- many). Just like the Olympics, fistball also games takes place, it will happen in the year dents at the beginning, but all competitors are running against has world games that compete once every 2013 and will take place in Cali, Columbia. continued on p. 17 17 October 22, 2010

Behind the Electrolytes: The Truth Behind Sports Drinks

By SIENA SCHICKEL another bottle of pop you’re drinking, with the falsely advertised implication that you’ll become an awesome It’s the start of a new sports season and parents and athlete who sweats neon colors as you shoot a dozen high school athletes begin to raid stores for various hoops. And by real athletes, yes, that does include types of sports and energy drinks, cringing at the pric- those in Varsity sports. es and the sound of parents repeating the phrase, “But Another problem that is being seen more and more it’s good for you!” Yes, well so is candy, if you don’t eat throughout the U.S. is the confusion between Gatorade a whole bag of it. The truth is that drinks like Gatorade and energy drinks. Some people use the terms synony- and Powerade are simply not intended to be consid- mously, which would of course lead them to believe ered as an equivalent to water, and yet it is poured on that energy drinks are just as healthy as Gatorade and football coaches after winning a big game like it was should be given to little kids to help them become water. amazing athletes. This notion is completely false and Gatorade was created to rehydrate athletes who should never be supported. Energy drinks like Monster have done a hard workout for at least an hour and a and Red Bull should never be given to children, and half. Somehow, I don’t think they expected it to land in are generally unhealthy. Studies have shown that ener- the T-ball fields or the elementary school soccer field gy drinks do increase mental performance and muscle when they first started out. Now Gatorade is sold ev- endurance, but the same studies show that too much of erywhere, advertising its awesome electrolytes, miner- it will cause symptoms like anxiety and insomnia. Of als, and flavors. Don’t get me wrong; I love Gatorade, course it will. It has three times more caffeine in it than especially on hot days when drinking gallons of water the same amount of cola, and some energy drinks such just isn’t enough, but there’s a reason it takes so little as Vodka Red Bull even contain alcohol. sports drink to do the job of so much water. I may be old fashioned, but there’s no possible way What people need to understand is the rational that I’m wrong when I say that water will eventually they’re using to buy so much Gatorade or Powerade. hydrate you. Athletes do drink plain old water- they If you’re not actually exercising, sports drinks are can get those electrolytes by eating food later. So next similar to soda without the caffeine, full of delicious time you ask for a six-pack of your favorite flavored carbohydrates, artificial flavoring, and calories. Real Gatorade, keep in mind that only hard work and ex- athletes need all of those things, making Gatorade the ercise will make you an awesome athlete. Not a bright perfect drink for them, but for everyone else, it’s just blue bottle of electrolytes.

Sports in Ithaca: Do we Care? MAN VS HORSE continued from p.16 the clock. By GEOFF PRESTON following, not a lot of sporting events drink our double pump mocha soy As paths narrow and overhanging tree on the hill are filled to capacity the lattes. How do we view sports, you branches crowd in on the competitors, the From the Ivy-covered towers of way we see in other college towns. know, when we aren’t busy look- horses may begin to slow. Steep and often Cornell to the beautiful overlook of You may be saying, “What about ing down on the B students? If you rocky descents can also hamper their prog- Cayuga Lake on the IC campus, cer- basketball?! We filled Newman!” The have ever been to a basketball game, ress. The highest peak of the race is 1,640 feet! tain things have always been more fans filled Newman Arena during the you can answer this for yourself. In Nevertheless, horses were the undisputed important to Ithacans than others. Ivy League championship run, but the middle part of the last decade, victors for the first 24 Man vs. Horse Mara- It doesn’t take a genius to realize that is only because special things Madison Square Garden was like a thons, even when the course was changed that education is of the utmost im- where happening with the team. The red carpet. The Knicks were histori- to give runners more advantage. Finally, on portance to the fabric of Ithaca’s ex- true test of a fan base is how often cally bad, and the only reason people the 25th race in 2004, a man finally won with istence. Without Cornell or Ithaca they show up when the team isn’t went to the Knicks games was to be a record time of 2 hours, 5 minutes and 19 College it is reasonable to infer that very good. I was at Newman during seen by the New York tabloids and seconds. It was the first time a person has Ithaca would be like any other small, those runs of Ivy League champion- socialize with their friends. That is a beaten a horse in a race. The 31-year-old run- rural, dairy farming town that domi- ships, and I was there this year when microcosm of our basketball games ner from south London blasted through the nates Upstate New York. The colle- the arena was halfway empty and at IHS. A hundred or so people show course, beat the horse runner-up by over two giate atmosphere is what makes a re- you could hear a pin drop. Trust me up and at any time ten are looking full minutes, and picked up a prize of £25,000 gion seem worldly (and we all know when I say Ithaca is far from a bas- at the court. People can go and not – then the biggest unclaimed prize in British how Ithacans love feeling important ketball town. And have you ever been tell you who won after. Other high athletics. His record has not been exceeded enough to call themselves “world- to a Cornell football game? I rest my schools have student sections; how to date. ly”). case. cool would it be to have a student A second runner, German Florian Holz- I have been an Ithaca resident for What about the other hill? Is Itha- section? From the time I got to IHS to inger, was victorious in 2007 with a time of all 18-plus years of my life, and I have ca College a beacon for sports fans? now, the famous Red Zone at hockey 2:20:30, 11 minutes ahead of the nearest not caught the bug. Of course I go to If there is a sports hub in Ithaca, IC games has gone from a unifying force horse. After those successes, bookmakers in- all my classes, try hard to get good would be it. The Park School of Com- that offered a distinct home ice ad- creased the odds on runners winning. In the grades — but an A- isn’t the end of the munications has turned out Baseball vantage to a nonexistent group of sit- days when horses dominated the race, they world; in fact, it is an outright cause Tonight host Karl Ravech and other ting-down students. It is pathetic to used to offer odds of 33 to 1 against a runner for celebration. I’m not going to Cor- producers who have gone on to work see what the Red Zone has become. If winning. The odds have now fallen to 5 to 1. nell or any other Ivy League school, at ESPN. The football games are about people stopped worrying about Cor- This annual duel helps fuel long-held and that in itself makes me different as attended as well as any Division nell vs. Brown for two seconds in this debates over the relative merits of man and from many of my classmates. While III game, and the fans are known for high school, they might realize how beast over set distances. Jesse Owens, the other kids memorized the Periodic bringing passion and energy. Other powerful and unifying a force sports star athlete who won four golds at the 1936 Table of Elements, I was immersed sporting events are more sparsely at- can be. Nothing in the world brings Olympics, raced a horse over 100m, later that in what Derek Jeter’s batting average tended but we have to remember that people together and invokes civic year, and won. However, he suggested after- was in 1999 (.349) and reciting all of Ithaca College is a Division III school, pride the way that sports do. A lot of ward that he won because the horse had been the Buffalo Bills’ starting offensive which means they might have a quar- people could benefit from some civic frightened by the starter gun, while other re- line (too many combos to name). ter of the athletic budget of a Divi- pride, and an excuse to let loose and ports claimed he was given a head start. As I grew up and became more sion I school like Cornell. The stu- cheer can’t hurt either. More recently, in April 2007, a wing for the observant, I started to realize that dent body on Ithaca College’s campus Ithaca has always had an im- South African rugby team, Bryan Habana, the very thing I love is the thing that seems to legitimately care about not pression of itself as being bigger raced a cheetah. Although Habana was given many don’t care much about. Now only IC sports, but other professional than Upstate New York, but when a 30m start over 100m, the cheetah, who was I feel the need to preface this argu- sports teams. Any time I am on cam- it comes to sports, Ithaca comes up chasing an eight-pound leg of lamb, still won. ment by saying that Ithaca has about pus and I see classes changing, there rather small. Yes, there are people Interestingly, game wardens with tranquilliz- 30,000 residents and 30,000 more are as many Yankee or Mets hats as in this town who love sports more er guns were posted around the track to ward college students. That is a 60,000 res- there are IC hats. There are radio than they probably should, but ask off the cheetah in case she decided to chase ident city that can’t be lumped into shows based solely on sports on Itha- anyone about what cultural values Habana instead of the lamb. one group. It is insulting and not very ca’s South Hill, which isn’t true on the Ithacans hold dear and sports won’t Its wackiness aside, the Man vs. Horse intellectually solid when that is done other hill. While IC is still steeped in be too high on many lists. It’s been Marathon shows that humans really are ex- (maybe the biggest crime in Ithaca). academia, it appears that they have at 18 years here, and while I love Ithaca cellent distance runners when compared That being said, I am willing to least seen how sports can positively for its pristine natural beauty and its to almost any other animal on the planet. infer that the majority of Ithacans affect a community. marvelous addiction to bringing in Although we’ve only won the race twice so put many other things before sports. Now, for the final aspect of our different cultures and experiences, I far, the fact that we can compete foot to hoof With the exception of Cornell hock- Ithaca community: the very high will not miss the way most people in with an animal that is designed to run is an ey, which seems to have more of a cult school where we walk, talk, and this town view sports. incredible one. ;gZZYdb½ ½XdhihaZhhi]Vc,*–VYVn#Cda^XZchZgZfj^gZY#

Shopping Visiting Friends & Family the 2011 TCAT Summer Fun Pass School Summer Adventure Awaits! You don’t need a car or to beg Mom and Job Dad to be your chauffer. With 34 routes operating 22 hours a day, a Hiking TCAT bus most likely can get you to your summer job, classes, the Doctor, dentist pool, the park, the mall, or to wherever you want to go. Movies A lift for you and your bike The TCAT 2011 Summer Fun Pass entitles school age students Riding just for fun (ages 6 17) to unlimited rides on any TCAT bus within Tompkins Stewart Park County from July 1 through September 6. The summer pass only Buttermilk Falls costs $50. Think how much you will save you and your parents on Shops at Ithaca Mall The Commons gas money! You can buy or recharge your summer pass via a Tcard, Sciencenter prox chip fob or sticker to get you on the bus. Just go to www. Museum of the Earth tcatbus.com and click “Ride” on the drop down menu. You can Public Library also buy and recharge online or via phone at 277 RIDE (7433). Or, Cornell, IC, TC3 you can buy a new Tcard at 20 TCAT outlets throughout Tompkins GIAC County. CSMA Cooperative Extension Never traveled on a TCAT bus before? No worries. Just click on Ludgate Farms “Learn” on the TCAT web site or give us a call. Our customer service Johnson Museum representatives will be happy to answer your questions and figure Sapsucker Woods out the best routes for you to take to get you to your destination. Lab or Ornithology Cornell Plantations It’s an affordable, safe, reliable and fun way to be independent. History Center

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By ANNELISE RAYMOND and NAOMI b. “I have a great feeling for the Mostly a’s — Bienvenue à Paris! RAYMOND 5) What’s your favorite fashion soil. My brother is the leading con- Ride up the Eiffel Tower, visit the accessory? servationalist in the world, and I just Louvre, and go shopping on the 1) Which foreign delicacy would a. your designer jeans love sitting on my bulldozer and ex- Champs-Elysées for your new favor- you be most willing to try? b. your Birkenstocks periencing nature.” – Golf Star Gary ite pair of designer jeans! a. escargots c. your polka-dot bikini/speedo Player b. astronaut ice cream d. your flower-print sundress/Ha- c. “It wasn’t a shark attack but a Mostly b’s — You’re an outdoors-y c. coconut milk straight from the waiian shirt shark accident. More than likely he person! Spend your summer camp- coconut e. your Ugg boots/cowboy boots ran into [the swimmer’s] leg and got ing at Yellowstone National Park, d. dog meat it caught in his mouth.” –Joe Rubio, snapping pictures of buffalo, watch- e. fried elephant seal meat 6) If you had to rename yourself, South Padre Island, Texas ing Old Faithful erupt, picnicking which name would you choose? d. “Beijing Plans Spontaneous by the lakes, and riding horses along 2) Which musical instrument do a. Antoine/Clarisse Celebration.” Headline, The Times scenic mountain trails. you wish you could play? b. Kip/Wren (UK) a. the piano c. Ken/Ariel e. “Free Advice: Bundle Up When Mostly c’s — No one’s too old for a b. the guitar d. Ben/Lily Out in the Cold.” Lexington (Ken- Disney Cruise! Enjoy magic-themed c. the reed harp e. Damon/Celeste tucky) Herald-Leader stage shows, chat with Donald Duck d. the wooden flute *All quotes courtesy of The Lexi- and Cinderella while lounging on e. the triangle 7) What would you choose to con of Stupidity by Ross and Kath- the sunny golden beaches of Carib- paint in Studio Art class? ryn Petras bean islands, and play on the water 3) You have to write a creative es- a. a bustling outdoor café slides on deck. Down to the sea you say for English. What do you title b. a serene lake with mountains 9) Which Broadway show would go! your piece? reflected in the water you most want to see? a. “How Monsieur Dada Discov- c. a cartoon-y rendering of dol- a. Les Misérables Mostly d’s — Visit someplace ex- ered the French Fry” phins and fish near the seashore b. Avenue Q otic this summer! How about Bei- b. “Making Banana Peel Sculp- d. an obscure landscape of verti- c. The Little Mermaid jing? Hike the Great Wall, visit the tures” cal, weird-shaped mountains capped d. Chess Forbidden City, and enjoy a bowl c. “The Green Starfish Gods Un- with mountaintop pagodas e. The Fantasticks of noodles from a downtown street der the Sea” e. a wheat field blanketed in vendor. Learn some Chinese. d. “Awakening the Terracotta Sol- snow 10) When you were little, what diers” would you build out of legos? Mostly e’s — Be an adventurous e. “Growing Up in a Penguin 8) What’s your favorite “stupid” a. Something pre-structured from sunbird, and go to Antarctica this Family” quote from the list below? the package, like the Eiffel Tower or summer! Contrary to popular belief, a. “I believe that mink are raised the Knight Bus there’s plenty to do: visit Iceberg Al- 4) What’s your favorite post-pic- for being turned into fur coats and b. A log cabin ley, go ice-climbing on incredibly nic activity? if we didn’t wear fur coats those lit- c. A castle steep glaciers, experience elephant a. walking your dog on the shores tle animals would never have been d. A street with little houses all seals up-close, kayak in freezing wa- of Cayuga Lake born. So is it better not to have been lined up in a row ters and take a dip in volcanic ther- b. playing frisbee born or to have lived for a year or e. Animals mal waters of Deception Island. You c. tanning in the sun two to have been turned into a fur could go running in sub-zero tem- d. flying a kite coat? I don’t know.” – Playboy Bun- Which letter did you get the peratures and wouldn’t even break a e. playing with water balloons ny Turned Actress Barbi Benton most? sweat!

Problems of the Month

Email your name and answers to [email protected] for any of the following by June 15th for a chance to gain eternal fame and recognition.

1. What Asian man, who was not named Woodrow Wilson, had Four- teen Points? 2. What author published a short story about a cursed bottle that grant- ed wishes, could sentence an unlucky owner to eternity in Hell, and had to be sold at a price lower than the one at which it was bought? 3. What mathematical shape is composed of equilateral triangles and is peculiar due to its limited perimeter but unlimited area? 4. What is the scientific name for the number of times a cell can divide before it must stop? 5. You have ten stacks of ten coins each sitting in front of you. Nine stacks contain genuine American quarters, while the tenth contains fake ones; unfortunately, you don’t know which stack is fake. You do know, however, the weight of a genuine quarter, and that each fake half-dollar weighs exactly 5 grams more than a real one. Using your handy-dandy triple beam balance, how many different weighings must you do to determine which stack con- tains the fake coins? How do you do it? WRITE for The Tattler Horoscopes

Gemini (May 21 to June 20): Today Libra (September 23 to October 23): A significant financial transaction may you will meet with a potential romantic A parking lot you don’t usually visit will come your way in the coming weeks, de- Chilean Mining interest. If you’re not on full alert for the be the site of a strange meeting. A friend pending on the path you choose. After entire day you may miss them. who has a secret agenda may be using all, only a few paths have bills lying on Rescue Cancer (June 21 to July 22): Summer hanging-out time as a cover-up. Stay them. vacation will bring good fortune in the wary. Pisces (February 20 to March 20): A form of a potentially romantic friend Scorpio (October 24 to November famous political figure will appear to you - several friends, in fact. Even if you’re 22): You will remember a convenient for- in a dream. Unfortunately, imaginary careful, you may find yourself in the mula on an upcoming math test, only to politicians lie just as much as real ones. Magic Cards middle of a hopelessly tangled love net. be thwarted by confusing notation. Ah, Aries (March 21 to April 19): Sum- Leo (July 23 to August 22): Many op- trigonometry! mer will wrap you in its warm embrace portunities will present themselves to Sagittarius (November 23 to Decem- and give you absolute bliss for two short develop your relationships with your ber 21): You may soon find yourself par- months. Until then, good luck on the fi- friends. Keep your chin up and eyes tying on a Friday and looking forward to nals and keep chugging coffee. Mallowmar Season open, and always be on the lookout for a the weekend. Be careful that you don’t let Taurus (April 20 to May 20): The stars “kick me!” sign taped to your back. things pass you by in the heat of things. broadcast a happy change in your up- Virgo (August 23 to September 22): Capricorn (December 22 to January coming fortunes. Someone you secretly A sympathetic teacher will try to give 19): You will learn something important dislike will suffer an accident and have you some aid on your English final. It’s relating to your math final. Unfortunate- to wear a cast for several weeks; perhaps “I’m not a witch.” time to ask yourself: is it worth footsying ly, the time is not guaranteed. it’s your dormant powers finally waking them? Aquarius (January 20 to February 19): themselves.

Sweaters Whatever. Ask Guru-Z... 3. Join Clubs/Groups You sound like you might have lots of free time this sum- Dear Guru-Z, mer, so find things to do! Shared interests are great for forging new ties between people. With options like knitting, dog fight- LOLcats Help! Summer’s about to start and I ing, and Extreme Dungeons and Dragons, you can’t go wrong. don’t have any friends. How can I What’s even better is that all the people who go to clubs just to get friends, fast? How can I avoid make new friends are probably even more desperate than you attracting my parents’ attention when are, so you won’t have to do so much work. they notice I’m not ever hanging out? 4. Learn When and How to Approach People Oatmeal What do I do?! Crowds of new friends are just waiting for you to go up and -Friendless at IHS introduce yourself. First, get rid of your fear of approaching peo- ple with something manly: do some push-ups, go jogging, or do Dear Friendless, something else to build up your muscles. With bigger muscles, It seems to me like you need lots of clarification about how to people will have a harder time turning you down, and your self- Action Script become popular. Here are some pointers: confidence will take leaps and bounds. Now you’re ready! Walk 1. Facebook up to someone sitting in the library’s Zone of Silence during Facebook is where teenagers do everything social, and that your lunch period and start passing them notes. Don’t get dis- includes making new friends. Find some people with whom you couraged if they give you dirty looks or otherwise try to indicate have mutual friends (any number of mutuals is okay, though in that they loathe you. If they didn’t want a written conversation, Bar Mitzvahs your case I’d probably shoot for five) and friend-request them. why would they be in the no-talking zone anyway? If they don’t accept (or send you a message asking who you are), 5. Start Dating spam them with passive-aggressive messages, and maybe offer This might sound like kind of a big step for you, but just think some bribes. You’ll get new friends in no time. If you don’t yet about it a little. If you start dating someone, it opens up an entire have an account (or enough friends), request some people (like field of people who will automatically have to at least pretend The Letter “Y” old teachers) who will feel guilty if they don’t accept. to like you. If your relationship goes on long enough and your 2. Talk to Your Guidance Counselor eventual breakup isn’t messy (you’re in high school. Did you ex- First, find one of those charts that conveniently lists your pect it would work out?), then they might still feel obligated to counselor by your last name, since you never talk to them any- be friends with you, or even better, genuinely appreciate you for way. At the first opportunity, angrily storm into their office. the bookish loser you truly are. Fake (Canadian) Bump into furniture, throw something breakable, and then scream, “It’s your fault! It’s all your fault!” or something similar. Yours truly, Thanksgiving Drop some swears if you feel confident. Isn’t getting you friends their job anyway? Wait, then why am I answering this question? Guru-Z Sudoku Solution: Editors’ Deadlines If you like what you see (or don’t), submit your own content! Submit cartoons, photography, questions, comments, stories, letters of Pop Quizzes complaint (or praise), or literary pieces. Hey, maybe you’ll see your name printed on this page. Drop off your stuff at Weekend Regattas Backpage Editor E-mail: [email protected]

So what are you waiting for? I’m waiting for my soufflé of your thoughts. Chop chop.