THINKING ABOUT “I”

Compiled and Edited by Andrew S. Curtis Copyright 2007

For In-house Use Only by The Synthesis Center 274 N. Pleasant Street, Amherst, MA 01002 (413) 256-0772

WHAT IS THE PERSONAL SELF/“I”?

1. The Lower Unconscious 2. The Middle Unconscious 3. The Higher Unconscious or Superconscious 4. The Field of 5. The Conscious “self” or “I” 6. The Higher “Self” 7. The Collective Unconscious

Assagioli's Egg Diagram

• “At the heart of the self there is both an active and a passive element, an agent and a spectator. Self- consciousness involves our being a witness – pure, objective, loving witness – to what is happening within and without. In this sense, the self is not a dynamic in itself but is a point of witness, a spectator, an observer who watches the flow. But there is another part of the inner self – the will-er or directing agent – that actively intervenes to orchestrate the various functions and energies of the personality, to make commitments and to instigate action in the external world. So, at the center of the self, there is unity of . . . will and love, action and observation” (Assagioli w/ Keen as quoted by Brown in Unfolding Self, 2004).

“Self-expression or Self-realization refer to the expression of Self through the personality (with “I” acting as administrative agent [through awareness and will]. We always have the choice to resist this expression out of ignorance or confusion; this often leads to problems that bring people into therapy or counseling. Guiding is the process of helping some rediscover and 'tune into' the expression of Self” (Brown, 2004). • Describing common fears about identifying with “I” James Vargiu (n.d.) says, “It is important that the “I” not be confused with any kind of repressive agent. As the “I,” we are able to accept ourselves, including all our faults and limitations, all our negative and immature subpersonalities. Of course, as we have seen in the acceptance of a subpersonality, acceptance does not mean resigning ourselves to the status quo [or acting on every thought, feeling, or impulse that arises]. On the contrary, recognizing and accepting what is in us and our relationship with it is an important step toward changing it”

“It [“I”] gives us the freedom to observe and to act while remaining fully disidentified from any part of ourselves, from any emotion, habit pattern, or subpersonality. On the other hand, it gives us the freedom to choose at any moment to become fully identified with any part – to be involved in it and experience it deeply – or to choose any intermediate degree of identification between these two extremes.”

WORKING WITH “I” IN THERAPY?

We are dominated by everything with which our self becomes identified. We can dominate, direct, and utilize everything from which we dis-identify ourselves (Assagioli, 2000). The following notes come from the Level 1 Training (Firman/the Synthesis Center, n.d.): • Access to “I” (Self – I) is the most important piece in therapy – finding the true client. • Moving to “I”/Self heals (in theory) all neuroses/pathology, etc. It does not eliminate pain, however, but allows one to be in “right” relationship to pain. Disidentification is particularly useful in crisis (which is a call to let go of old identity, limitations, distortions, projections, etc.). • Do not confuse the client's false positive (persona, major identification, presenting face, etc.) with “I.” All “survival” personalities have an investment in repressing shadow, certain subs (false negative, etc.), and any historically unacceptable aspects of the person. • The most stuck place is no “I” consciousness (i.e. total identification with one or more subpersonalities). Not surprisingly, working with this kind of identification in therapy is also difficult for both client and therapist. When working with a major identification (MI), find the catch. That is, find “What doesn't work” about this identification or subpersonality and see if it can expand beyond its boundaries. Push the edges of the MI and see what else pops up – usually the opposite or buried subpersonality. Help the client find motivation for change by assessing the MI's limitations. • Gaining access to “I” exists along a continuum from complete “I” - Self experience (major peak experience, disidentified moment, enlightenment experience, etc. [rare and passing] to any and all experiences of our most or more mature subpersonality, observer, wise being, etc. “Most Mature Subpersonality” (MMSP) represents the most “I” consciousness available at any time. It will change over time and there is a strong tendency to cling to a MMSP after it has outlived its usefulness. MMSP then becomes a major identification, and limiting as a result. Thus movement is continuous and not fixed. Consequently, the principle of “Disidentification” is forever and “I” is never seen as static or an ultimate state to be achieved..

2 • Finding “I” space (or MMSP) is detective work that never ceases. It is a barometer of your work with the client. The variety of what that looks like is vast. MMSP could look only marginally functional or close to enlightened.

TECHNIQUES FOR ACCESSING “I”

While we can't speak the truth of “I,” we can recognize and develop contact with it through a variety of exercises found in psychosynthesis and elsewhere. Really, everything in psychosynthesis points towards “I” as it is the most important piece in therapy – finding the true client (Firman/The Synthesis Center, n.d.).

The “Who Am I” , Disidentification, and Self-Identification exercises (Yeomans, 1989) are basic psychosynthesis techniques for increasing “I” awareness along with all phases of will development and subpersonality work. Many forms of and meditation develop “I” awareness. Both also foster some degree of will development as well, though they tend to under-emphasize it my opinion. The following methods can be used to help the client contact “I” in a session. It is by no means complete or exhaustive (Firman/The Synthesis Center, n.d.). • Use guided meditation to quiet the mind, ground into the body/sensation or contact purpose, meaning, etc. Note – There is an assumption that if a person leaves mind and identifies with their heart, that he or she will be able to access “I” more easily. This is not always the case as a person can usually access “I” most easily through their dominant function which tends to be the least wounded (i.e. Thinking, Intuition, Imagination, Emotion, Sensation, and Impulse/Desire). What this looks like will be expanded upon when we work explicitly with the psychological functions. • Ask questions that can only be answered by “I.” (e.g. Who is asking this question? What part of you is observing this problem?) • Acknowledge exercise of “will” and explore which Aspect, Stage, or Quality is involved or is missing if that seems useful. • Likewise, listen for and acknowledge “soulful” qualities such as faithfulness, fairness, courage, creativity, joy, patience, etc. • Ask the client to “....be aware of whatever within you is always the same.” • Ground physically • Disidentification/Self-Identification: I have “X” and I am not “X” - I am a center of pure consciousness and will. These principles can also be cultivated and supported less directly through the guides' presence and way of relating. • Breathe in “X,” Breathe out “Y.” • Anything that is transpersonal in nature (Meditation, guided imagery, wise being, prayer, movement/dance, vocalizing, Ideal Model, bodywork, nature, seed thought, etc.) This type of work is “talk therapy,” but not in the usual sense of the word – it is not cognitive therapy. A single tear, accompanied by embodied awareness can be sufficient for transformation. It is not necessary to get to the bottom of rage in order to have a profound effect. What we need to do is identify/embody the experience enough to be able to disidentify from it. Disidentification does not have to be forced, it is natural. Children are perfect examples of this. They grieve and then they let go of grief and it is over.

3 EXERCISES:

A MEDITATION ON STOPPING THE WAR WITHIN

This meditation from A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield (1993) is a nice place to begin developing the ability to observe your experience without becoming identified with the experience itself. Allowing yourself to truly feel and accept the pain and conflict within you, albeit at a manageable and appropriate pace, is a prerequisite for harmonization and transformation of the personality.

Sit comfortably for a few minutes, letting your body be at rest. Let your breathing be easy and natural. Bring your attention into the present, sit quietly and notice whatever sensations are present in your body. Be especially aware of sensations, tensions or pains you may be fighting. Do not try to change them; simply notice them with an interested and kind attention. In each area of struggle you discover, let your body relax and your heart soften. Open to whatever you experience without fighting. Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly and let it be.

Then after a time, shift your attention to your heart and mind. Now notice what feelings and thoughts are present. In particular, be aware of any feelings or thoughts you are now struggling with, fighting or avoiding. Notice them with an interested and kind attention. Let your heart be soft. Open to whatever you experience without fighting. Let the battle go, breathe quietly and let it be.

Continue to sit quietly. Then cast your attention over the battles that confront you today. Sense them inside yourself. If you have on ongoing battle with your body, be aware of that. If you have been fighting inner wars with your feelings, or have been in conflict with your loneliness, fear, confusion, fear, anger, grief or addiction, sense the struggle you have been waging. Notice the struggle in your thoughts as well. Be aware of how you have carried on these inner battles. Notice the inner armies, the inner dictators, the inner fortifications. Be aware of all that you have fought within yourself, of how long you have perpetrated the conflict.

Gently, with openness, allow each of these experiences to be present. Simply notice each of them in turn with interest and kind attention. In each area of struggle, let your body, mind and heart be soft. Open to whatever you experience without fighting. Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly, and let yourself be at rest. Invite all parts of yourself to join you at the peace table in your heart.

4 THE OBSERVER EXERCISE By John W. Cullen

This is a variation of an exercise published in Synthesis, Vol.1, No.2, by James Vargiu. This is one of the most basic of the psychosynthesis exercises. Through practice it enables us to experience the personal self as observer. By observing the changes occurring in the events that we experience we have the possibility of experiencing and identifying with the permanent silent witness quality of the personal self. 1. Sit quietly and relax your body. Look around and observe your visual environment. See it in all its detail, as clearly and as vividly as possible. Take a few moments to do this. (pause) Now close your eyes and breathe in slowly. As you inhale recall this vivid visual awareness. Then exhale and as you do, ask yourself, who is aware? 2. With your eyes still closed, become aware of what you hear. Listen to the sounds around you. Be aware of the silence. (pause) Now take a deep breath, and as you exhale slowly, ask yourself, who is aware? 3. Still with your eyes closed, imagine that you are drawing a triangle with chalk on a blackboard. Look at the triangle. (pause) Be aware of it. (pause) Take a deep breath, and as you exhale, ask yourself, who is aware? 4. Now let the triangle fade away and breathing slowly stay with the awareness of your self as the one who is aware. (pause) Really experience being your self. (pause) Try to get as clear a sense as possible of this experience. 5. Now try to get as clear a sense as possible for what it is like to be your self... Try to become aware of the stability of the self, its permanency. Try to experience it as the stable state of consciousness that is always reliably there. You will find that while all else changes, it remains. It is available always, as a source of stability and of clear in the midst of change. 6. With the awareness of being your unchanging self, turn your attention to your body. (pause) Your body changes. The sensations of your body are different now than they were a few moments ago, and they will be different again a few moments from now. Your body itself is different now than it was when you were a child, and it keeps changing as you grow older. But your self does not change. 7. Now, focus once again on the awareness of being your self, the one who is aware. And as that unchanging self, become aware of your feelings. (pause) Your feelings also are changing all the time. (pause) Even the depth with which you feel change, but your self does not change. 8. Focus once again on being your self, the one who is aware. And as that unchanging self, become aware of your mind. (pause) Your thoughts change with great rapidity. They jump from one idea to another, and as you grow, you use different ways of thinking, but your self, your true nature, does not change. 9. Focus once again on being your self. Then become aware of your body, your feelings, and your mind. Be aware that you have these three aspects. They are yours. They are your valuable means of expression in the world, and you have the capacity to direct and regulate them at will. But they are not you. You are your self, the one who is aware.

Some people experience difficulty with this experience because of an over-identification with one of the personality instruments. For many people this is primarily identification with the mind. You are encouraged

5 to accept the tentative hypothesis that the observing aspect of the self exists. You begin to apply an "as if" hypothesis and test it out. You become your own scientist. Every time you go inside, there is an opportunity for growth. Your own experience is the guide. Practice the exercise on a daily basis to enhance your experience of the observer. With practice you may realize that if you are observing your mind, you are not your mind.

Later, one can practice the observer exercise in actual situations. In the presence of others you can assume the attitude of the observer and look at the situation more objectively. Many times we are overcome by emotions. When we look at our emotions from the standpoint of the observer, we can step back and ask: "What is going on with me right now? What do I choose to do?" In this manner we can avoid our usual reactive responses. "From the standpoint of the self I experience an emotion, and from the standpoint of the self I can choose consciously what I wish to do about it."

Similarly, when we are caught up in our minds and defending our own belief systems, we can step back and observe what our mind is doing, and then choose what we are going to do with our mind. We can choose to put aside our biases and prejudices and allow our mind to see another point of view.

DIS-IDENTIFICATION

[Note – This exercise from Unfolding Self (Brown, 2004) combines aspects of The Observer Exercise described above and Assagioli's (2000) Dis-Identification exercise. It takes a more experimental approach combining choice and observation with active questioning.)

1. I invite you to find a comfortable position, relax your body, and allow your breathing to become slow and deep....

2. Now, take a few minutes to observe your body. What is your body? How do you experience it? What kind of sensations do you have in your body: pain, tension, ease, motion, irritation, expansion and contraction, warmth, pleasure? Notice how these sensations change from moment to moment.

Explore how you can consciously change the sensations in your body. Tense your muscles in one area, notice how it feels, and then relax the muscles. Experiment for a few moments with other ways of affecting your sensations.

Here are some questions to consider: Are these sensations who I am? When my body sensations change, do “I” change, too? If so, how do I change? Who is the “I” who can affect my body sensations, at least to some extent? Who am “I” in relation to my body sensations?....

3. Now I invite you to move your attention to your emotions, your feelings. Notice them and name the ones you can: fear, confusion, attraction, joy, sorrow, frustration, and so on. What is the strongest feeling you are aware of right now? Hold it in the center of your attention for a while, and see what happens... Does it change? Do other feelings arise?

Explore for a few moments how you can change your emotions. Maybe think about something very exciting and see how your feelings respond... Are there other ways you can affect your emotions?...

Try out these questions, if you will: Are these feelings who I am? When my feelings change, do “I” change, too? If so, how? Who is the “I” who can choose my feelings, at least to some extent? Who am “I” in relation to my feelings?...

6 4. In doing this exercise, you've been using what's usually called “the mind.” Take a few minutes now to watch your “mind.” How do you do this? How do you watch your mind?... What thoughts come and go? What forms do your thoughts take: images, words, impressions, questions, conclusions, memories, problems, , etc.?... Are there any difficulties in “observing” your thoughts?...

Try experimenting with changing and directing your thoughts. Pick a word and think about its meaning for a few moments... Or think about what you did right after you got up this morning... Are there other ways you can affect what you think?...

Again, here are some questions to consider: Are these thoughts who I am?... When my thoughts change, do “I” change, too? How do I change?... Who is the “I” who seems to be able to direct my thoughts, at least to some extent? Who am “I” in relation to my thoughts, my mind?...

5. Now pay attention to all of these: sensations, feelings, and thoughts. How do you experience your sense of self in relation to these ongoing, changing sensations, feelings, and thoughts?

I invite you to take all the time you need to sit with this question: “Who am I in relation to all these ongoing sensations, feelings, and thoughts?” It may be helpful to write about your response to this exercise and any new understandings that came from doing it.

REFERENCES:

Assagioli, R. (2000). Psychosynthesis: A collection of basic writings. Amherst, MA: The Synthesis Center.

Brown, M.Y. (2004). The unfolding self: The practice of psychosynthesis. New York, NY: Helios Press.

Carter-Haar, B., (1975). Identity and personal freedom [Electronic version]. Amherst, MA: The Synthesis Center. Retrieved May 25, 2007, from http://synthesiscenter.org/articles/1152.pdf.

Cullen, J.W. (n.d.). The observer exercise [Electronic version.] Retrieved May 25, 2007, from http://two.not2.org/psychosynthesis/exer/observer.htm

Firman, D. (n.d.). Various notes and handouts. Amherst, MA: The Synthesis Center.

Kornfield, J. (1993). A path with heart: A guide through the perils and promises of spiritual life. New York, NY: Bantam.

Vargiu, J. (n.d.). The “I”. Amherst, MA: The Synthesis Center.

Yeomans, T. (1989). Psychosynthesis Practice Volume I: Psychosynthesis exercises for personal & spiritual growth [Electronic version]. Amherst, MA: The Synthesis Center. Retrieved May 25, 2007, from http://synthesiscenter.org/articles/0011.pdf.

7