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Eastern Illinois University The Keep Masters Theses Student Theses & Publications 2017 Unfinished: A Memoir Bryan Edward Hebeler Eastern Illinois University This research is a product of the graduate program in English at Eastern Illinois University. Find out more about the program. Recommended Citation Hebeler, Bryan Edward, "Unfinished: A Memoir" (2017). Masters Theses. 3201. https://thekeep.eiu.edu/theses/3201 This is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Theses & Publications at The Keep. It has been accepted for inclusion in Masters Theses by an authorized administrator of The Keep. For more information, please contact [email protected]. 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Graduate Candidate Sh!nature Facultv Adviser �irnature Printed Name Printed Nam �� 9 \; rk ,�l if!/1 Graduate Degree Program Date I Please submit in duplicate. Unfinished: A Memoir (TITLE) BY Bryan Edward Hebeler THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF Master of Arts, English IN THE GRADUATE SCHOOL, EASTERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY CHARLESTON, ILLINOIS 2017 YEAR I HEREBY RECOMMEND THAT THIS THESIS BE ACCEPTED AS FULFILLING THIS PART OF THE GRADUATE DEGREE CITED ABOVE THESIS COMMllTEE CHAIR DATE DEPARTMENT�CHOOL CHAIR DATE OR CHAIR'S DESIGNEE JJ:/ll/_17 L1j!_J)7 THESIS COMMITTF� Mi.MRFR DATE THESIS COMMITTEE MEMBER DATE fZ/�yn THESIS COMMITTEE MEMBER DATE Copyright 2017 by Bryan E. Hebeler 2 For my wife, Tricia. 3 Acknowledgements I would like to thank my thesis committee - Dr. Daiva Markel is, Dr. Tim Engles, and Dr. Jad Smith. Also, Dr. Suzie Park and Dr. Randall Beebe. Without their encouragement, assistance, and helpfulsuggestions, this thesis would still be 'unfinished.' Thanks are due as well to faculty who worked with me on previous projects, including Dr. Marjorie Worthington, Dr. Robin Murray, and Dr. Robert Martinez. Thank you all. 4 Table of Contents Critical Introduction 6 "You are trying to sleep ..." 21 Word Salad I Alphabet Soup: A Lexicon 29 A Tale of Two Malls 31 In the Army Now 42 Hotel Blues 44 Gram and Gramps 49 Food and Family 58 Family Photograph 61 A Red Brick House 63 Sports 66 Dishwasher 69 Celebrities 71 Physical Features and Frailties 73 A Few Drinks 76 5 Unfinished Tales from The Green Monster 80 Us 83 Appendix A 85 Appendix B 103 6 Critical Introduction In 20I 0, I submitted a prospectus for a thesis in literary studies that dealt with ecocriticism and critical whiteness studies as theoretical approaches to the work of Don DeLillo. A piece of writing resulted that was presented to the Don DeLillo Society in the Bronx, New York in the spring of2012 (See Appendix A). This project was subsequently abandoned, in favor of a new scheme - approved by the English Graduate Studies Committee in the winter of2015 - for a comprehensive exam, with a reading list that included contemporary American literature by authors from a multicultural range of perspectives, and a theoretical focuson post-colonialism (See Appendix B). The exam never took place. I had been an MA candidate at large for seven years. In my initial thesis project, I worked toward a synthesis of ecocriticism and critical race theory in a coinage I referred to as a study in "eco-critical whiteness." Upon further research, I fe lt this was akin to reinventing a wheel already known as "environmental justice," and perhaps some other titled concepts that have been more fully developed by established academics, activists, and authors. While the original thesis prospectus laid out my rationale for looking at both critical perspectives as a synthesized tool of analysis, and doing so helped me produce an essay, l was not certain whether or not the resulting work warranted this odd practice. On the trip to New York for the Delillo conference, I met one of the authors listed on my bibliography, whose father was a childhood pal of Don Delillo. She took 7 me on a tour of the neighborhood where DeLillo grew up, including an excellent pizza parlor; an Italian marketplace featuring espresso, gelato, and gentlemen rolling cigars by hand; and the campus of DeLillo's alma mater, Fordham University. I began to wonder about how the environment in which he grew up had an impact on his writing, and how his personal experiences may have led him to produce works of literature with such a vibrant social critique of American lifeand culture. Prompted by a desire to complete my Master's degree in such a way that would allow me to tell a story about why it was taking me so long to do so, and freely express myself without the constraints of an academic paper, I eventually decided to write a memoir. The title, Unfinished, has its roots in the former iterations of my thesis as well as my reflection upon the ongoing nature of my attempts to process various life experiences central to the fonnation of my identity. In my memoir, I attempt to position myself as the product of social forces that include race, gender, social class, education, various workplaces, familialand other interpersonal relationships, geopolitical/historical factors, and modes of subjective experience and interaction with mental health practitioners that have resulted in my receipt of labels such as "schizophrenic," and "bipolar manic-depressive." If I were to characterize the historical and critical influences that have contributed most to the writing of this thesis, I would probably have to offerpostmodemity as the historical milieu, and postmodemism as the critical category. The historical age is more straightforward and easy to explain. My understanding, based on how it was taught to me, is that the epoch of postmodemity refers to the post-World War II period. There's no question that 1973, the year of my birth, falls squarely within the postmoderntimeline. 8 The American scholar Fredric Jameson is a well-known theorist of postmodernism. Benjamin Kunkel, in the London Review of Books, offers this account of Jameson's definition of postmodernism : [H]e succeeded better than anyone else at definingthe term, 'postmodernism,' that sought to catch the historical specificityof the present age. This was a matter, first, of cataloguing postmodemism's superficial textures: the erosion of the distinction between high and pop culture; the reign of stylistic pastiche and miscellany; the dominance of the visual image and corresponding eclipse of the written word; a new depthlessness - 'surrealism without the unconscious' - in the dream-like jumble of images; and the strange alliance of a pervasive cultural nostalgia (as in the costume drama or historical novel) with a cultural amnesia serving to fragment 'time into a series of perpetual presents' (Kunkel). Perhaps subconsciously, I have included some elements of a postmodern aesthetic in the chapter I call "A Few Drinks," in which I describe a twenty-first century bar scene that features a television playing a movie made in the nineties and set in the seventies while I write memories in my notebook from the eighties, nineties, and the first two decades of the new millennium. A preoccupation with popular culture and nostalgia can also be seen in "Celebrities" and "A Red Brick House," the latter of which also displays the juxtaposition of video games and blockbusters with classic American literature.

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