20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION COLOUR

THE PURPLE

OCTOBER 2011 OCHIL HILL RUNNERS ISSUE NO 12

EDITORIAL

Welcome to this special 20th Anniversary Gengie and Blair Denon would edition of Colour Purple (No.12), some 13 sometimes appear at the end of articles, FEATURING… years after Issue No.11 bore the headline adding a certain air of mystery to the club ―Exclusive – Cro-magnon Man proceedings. discovered in hill race‖ featuring a picture of Don Reid from Westies, caught Some of these early offerings have been ‘STILL LAME’ by PIET running with his body bent 90 degrees to reproduced in this bumper issue for the his legs. This and many similar articles members‘ edification and to help convey ZELZONAGAIN, ALSO were a mark of the cutting edge more accurately the astounding journey which has brought OHR to where it is AUTHOUR OF ’TWIN journalistic endeavours of the OHR roving (raving) reporters or ―OHR today: revered and feared as a living legend across the Scottish hill running PEAKS 2: PREPARING Intelligence Unit‖ – their ambiguous calling card. They left no stone unturned scene and beyond. But how did a club with such humble beginnings with only FOR BATTLE’ to bring the members the latest insight, scandal and (very occasional) facts. one lady member (my Missus) become Names such as Piet Zelzonagain, Mr such a tour de force, winning races, Fartlek, the Haddington Yukon Poet, Ben championships, generally upsetting the

FRESHER FACES OF

YESTERYEAR…

PIET

ZELZONAGAIN

MR FARTLEK

PETE-THE-

LEMMING

THE LEGENDARY

BOB WORTH Page 2 COLOUR PURPLE central belt club pecking order and beating the running in the Ochils to get away from the bank he Ghurkha Regiment. Well, read on, it‘s all inside, managed. Scot Mathieson had recently won Traprain including a special look back at ―Big Chammy and the Law. And there were others from other clubs we might Twin Peaks‖ and a brand new special feature of ―Still manage to pinch: Martin Dean, Gareth Bryan-Jones, Lame‖ with Victor and Jack, and other contemporary Brian Bullen, etc. . We could surely build a critical articles - for those of you who are slightly less long in mass. the tooth than the original OHR prototypes! But you might be wondering about ―the beginning‖ and where We decided to advertise an inaugural meeting of an these early OHR seeds were sown…It was in the ―Ochils‖ hill running club, which was duly held in a Gannochy Showers (the old ones before refurbishment, University lecture theatre (B2?) in early November with the cracked tiles and high power scalding jets of 1991. There was a healthy, enthusiastic turn-out, and water – those were the days!). Picture the scene, three strong consensus to form the Ochil Hill Runners – a perfect male specimens (and 20 years on looking much constitution was agreed, a committee formed (Ron Mc the same if truth be told) in the form of John, Ron and – Convenor, John G – Captain, Frank – Secretary, and Frank (or was anyone else there – discuss!), fully Bob Worth – Treasurer) and club colours decided. endorphinated. Hmmm, the latter was not so straight forward. Some eejit suggested orange and yellow (come on own up!) It was late September 1991, great weather I recall, and and there were other clashing considerations. we had just returned from a routine favourite (and still Fortunately, the purple and green ensemble won the is) – Hermitage Woods, bit of Dumyat, Cockburn day and the rest, as they say, is history! Reservoir and the Mine Woods. As the shower steamed up, we were reflecting on a summer of racing ―unattached‖ within a flourishing hill scene, not belonging anywhere. We quickly reviewed other central belt clubs that might be worth considering joining: Central Region AC were going through a bad patch – the distance section had just split, some going to the new Carnegie club, but yellow and orange colours were just too awful to contemplate! Falkirk Victoria Harriers, the ―Vics‖ were close by in Falkirk, but the ―throat lozenge‖ nickname was not attractive. Westies did our sort of running but the yellow vest was such bad taste! Lomond's of Fife were well established with sound ethos, but a wee bit far away and, well, we‘d surely argue over the name. Forth Valley Orienteers were local, but who wants to study maps and do complex maths when you‘re just out to enjoy yourself! I do hope you enjoy this hastily arranged mix of old and Nah, it was inevitable, we had to start our own club, for new copy and thanks to all the contributors (old and our running interests, on our home turf and with new!) and to Di - the original Honorary Lady Member, suitably splendid colours which runners from all over for desk top publishing services at very short notice. would aspire to wear (we briefly reflected on what they Consider as you skip through this very purple blatt if might be - more of this later…). But who would join, you would like to see the return of regular editions. If who was out there? Some local runners had casually there is demand, and people with stories to tell and expressed interest in a hill club. For example, Pete willing to write them down, then let‘s do it! It‘s on the Buchanan had recently been spotted rampaging down AGM agenda! the Ochils at breakneck speed. Bob Worth spent hours Scoop McCraw – Editor MEMORIES OF EARLY TRAINING SESSIONS

Winter 1991/92—Dark by later afternoon. Headtorches Murray, but for Kieron his testimonial. Jonathan Lewis up the Hermitage, Mine Woods and Dumyat. Freezing (who studied Japanese) went missing on Dumyat fog down below, clear and warmer up above. Savage (while Roddy Munro got lost in the woods), but what a street fartlek sessions round Bridge Of Allan, ―Chain‖ sweep search! Reports of mysterious torch lights on the style group hill reps up Pendreich Hill. Sheriffmuir Road Ochils were reported at Alloa Police Station. During this by moonlight, and some times flat on your back period, OHR developed a certain notoriety for their (remember Sam Campbell‘s phenomenal fall!), and training sessions. Following a ―Cruel to be kind‖ always, always, Bob Worth disappearing over the philosophy, they were dog-eat-dog, merciless, every horizon. The inaugural run of the New Heights team – man for himself affairs. No fast, medium, slow groups the start of many outings for Steve (Never Hurry a ) were established. You either held the pace or you were ISSUE NO 12 Page 3 dropped (and occasionally lost) – nae prisoners! How same old question, ―So, what‘s it tonight then?‖. often did we hear the cry, ―Shall we wait for them to Everyone was a bit lethargic. Eventually, ―Sheriffmuir‖ catch up?‖ ―Nah, f**k ‗em‖ retorted Gallacher. (How was mentioned, along with ―nice and easy (!)‖, and we civilised we are 20 years later!). were off, but ever so gently (?). No-one took the lead or pushed the pace. There was relaxed chit-chat and light People were definitely getting the finger out in these banter. The night was dark but moist and mild. This was sessions. But then the blond-maned stalking horse pleasant and we were in danger of completing a run (Dave Peel) and his dark, deadly, demonic companion with the group intact – not a maverick breakaway (Steve Nicholson) galloped into the picture, pulling us to merchant in sight. The bit up the Glen Road was new limits of endurance and rewriting the club pecking especially dark and treacherous. Pete Buchanan lead order. the way through fallen trees and potholes. But then it Spring 1992 arrived and so did two young men from came, just out the glen before the Sheriffmuir turn-off. the west: Simon Driller (The Dentist) Miller and Brian John Bowers stretched his legs – perhaps just to gauge Blabber Brennan. We thought that Brian‘s burn-up with the response (sly!) – and then came back to us. But as Brian Bullen would shut him up for good, but alas there we turned into the big hill climb, John made the big were further ravings as we were subjected to tales of break. The rest, as they say, is history. Another Brennan flailing in the wake of Bullen and ―bits drappen brainless ball buster by OHR. So near and yet so far! aff me!‖ And then the young upstart Pete Bovill arrived, resplendent in outrageous shorts and matching shorts – he could run as fast as he could talk! OHR Head Coach August 1994 – ―Chilled on Chonzie‖ A classic cloud- clagged canter up Ben Chonzie from Glen Turret. The signs were ominous as we set off. Soon after, tumultuous torrents were falling from the ever-darkening skies, the large rain drops growing colder with height. Even Frank, our profuse sweating specialist, had goose-flesh at the top. Roger Greenaway seemed oblivious to the weather, and had climbed fast and confidently with non-stop articulate and comprehensive ―Gary ―fishscales‖ Wilton commentaries from his apparently bottomless lungs. performed some Gary ―fishscales‖ Wilton performed some remarkable aquaplaning during the descent (he now has studs!). remarkable aquaplaning…‖ The final run back along the undulating track by Loch Turret saw some swift and smooth running from Steve Murray which even Dave Cummins could not match, and left us thinking ―How does he do that on only 2 runs per week‖ (Still a valid question – discuss!). Tues 25 October 1994. Picture the scene – a small group of Ochils stretching in the Gannochy, asking the EARLY RACE REPORTS

‗Dave Duffs Dermot in Death-Defying Daredevil muscle on the way down. Simon Miller ran twice and Downhill Descent‘ – Glen Clova Parish Times – went faster the second time. But after the fear and Sunday Sports Edition, on the occasion of our own violence of the steep slopes came the warmth and Dave Cummins soundly thrashing Shettleston wildman comfort of the Beechtree Inn, and there was much Dermot McGonigle to win ‘93 Angus Munros race. rejoicing! OHR Flying Strombolis received 3rd team prize. Well done to Don and Elma Reid for a well Dumgoyne Madness organised event – a great day out! ―Vrroo-oo-oom, I just went!!‖ The venue was Dumgoyne 1992 for a casual battle with Westies, and these words were spoken with true feeling and shaking legs after several hundred feet of icy helter, skelter descent on her backside and out of control. We all suffered a similar fate ending up with cuts and bruises and a feeling that a near death experience has narrowly been avoided. Frightening, and the mist was down as well as the snow. Pete and Steve (Murray) came back the Westies undercover reporter – arms length to OHR ―tourist‖ route, Pete surpassing himself by tearing a calf Intelligence Unit Page 4 COLOUR PURPLE

Moving Times

During the 1992 Kilpatricks race, it up a new speed record for this his pants didn‘t even come down. was reported that John Gallacher earthy deed. One reliable spectator Remarkable! And he didn‘t even disappeared from sight during the estimated that only 15-30 seconds lose his position. What a talented final descent to answer the call of elapsed between disappearing and chap our John is! nature. In doing so he may have set reappearing. Another reckoned that OHR Intelligence Unit Twin Peaks 1 - Carnage

―Fra-a-a-a-nk, what happened to Nebbit, to and from glen car park – representatives from Kirriemuir - you!‖ came Kate‘s voice, mixed with simple, mad and deadly!). The day Jack and Phil, a semi-pissed Gavin shock, disbelief, and a little grief. had begun withy a hint of the drama ―Clarkie‖ Clark, and the raving ―Oh, nothing really,‖ blethering, blabbering Frank replied sheepishly, Brian Brennan, who was ―Just a wee cut from later to be seen streaking falling over – it‘ll stop semi-naked through Alva bleeding soon – it looks Glen. Unlike Frank‘s heid, worse than it is, really,‖ the results were academic he replied unconvincingly – Frank scooping first as blood erupted from a prize for copious small crater in his skull, bloodletting, impressive mixing with the sweat of drama and dare-devil his efforts, before stunts and a stonking spattering onto the great run. Later in the ground. ―Just been for a Woolpack, there was once wee jog Frankie‖, an old again great rejoicing – friend was heard to dryly another great Ochils day and rhetorically quip out! amidst a scene reminiscent of Psycho and Silence of the Lambs. In fact, it to come. A freezing cold foggy start Astonished bystander with dog was the closing scene of the 1992 gave way to blue skies and strong and notebook OHR Twin Peaks Xmas Special winter sun. An impressive OHR (Wee Torry, Alva Glen waterfall, field, included our northern THE GREAT LOGIE BOGIE – PRE ‟92 AGM RACE REPORT

Six intrepid trotters squared up to fast. Time for me to ease up and something off the monkeys in the rigours of the 1760 yards take stock. Mathieson surged past Borneo? But, Bovill had written me (accurately measured – I still know me, looking impressive (for him) for off. Glancing back anxiously to where the start point was)) of uphill 2 seconds, then sunk backwards as check for last minute opposition, I tarmac at Logie Hill – a daunting if in slow motion into a sea of managed a final spurt to the white prospect. But after much lactate. Meanwhile, Gallacher was litter bin at the Dumyat car park. wisecracking and merriment, the lurking suspiciously in the Bovill came forward to shake my watches were zero‘d and a shuffling background and Buchanan was hand, looking composed and start followed a low-key count to cruising smoothly into second relaxed after his 1 mile, 500ft in three. place. I briefly imagined Jean Sharp 6mins 49s. Must have had a good burning off Gallacher – what a turn feed recently, perhaps a sly apple Young upstart Bovill strode out up that would be, then got down to tart and cream just before the start purposefully to the front (and stayed the serious task of overhauling (such was his pre-race strategy). there). This roving reporter (already Buchanan. Next came Buchanan, then disadvantaged through having to Mathieson (it was funny seeing him observe tactics and antics of Managing to squeeze another gear and not hearing him!), then Sharpe others) stuck fast to his shoulder for just above the hairpins, I crawled who had just won herself a bottle of at least 50m to see if he was unconvincingly passed Buchanan. claret. Then off to OHR‘s first AGM serious. He was! – Jokes, insults By this time, I had written off in the Westerton. and mild harassment had no Gallacher, wondering if he was impact. He was going for gold and really trying or if he had caught Ben Gengie – Raving Reporter ISSUE NO 12 Page 5

THOUGHTS IN THE MIST – PENTLANDS SKYLINE „92

It had been such a was much zig-zagging! Of bonk. I occasionally passed promising start to the day – course, I never got the map others looking as miserable clear and frosty, mist rising and compass out, though I as I felt, and then CLUB MEMBERS from the glens, encouraging managed to have a hand perversely wondered if I optimism about the full of wine gums. Pathetic, I was trying as hard as them. AUGUST 1992 prospect of 16 miles and thought, even at the time. Am I really this tired? At last 6200ft. However, as a cool, By now, heading for the nearing Caerketton, Lesley Pete Bovill moist airstream drifted in final hills, feet and gloved Hope passed and towed from the east, anxiety set in hands were freezing and me along to the final John Bowers as high pressure and spirits the waterproof and descent. As she rocketed drifted away….. balaclava were put on to away, I focused on Brian Brennan prevent further heat loss. lumbering downhill with 90mins later, and southern How bloody rationale, but wooden legs (at one point I John Brown tops traversed, the clag was still no compass. had cramp but still Gareth Bryan-Jones down and the strong managed to pass another headwind from the east was But now I was on familiar runner!). Of course, I will do Peter Buchanan wet and cold. A bad line of ground approaching it again next year because Black Hill has already cost Allermuir Hill. Concern for all of this will be forgotten Brian Bullen me several minutes. Then I navigation was over, but (and he did!) was following shadows in energy was a problem. Sam Campbell front who appeared to be Running uphill had stopped, Blair Denon – Another navigating, but the shadows but chocolate and raisins Raving Reporter Gavin Clarke made mistakes and there had staved off the dreaded Brad Connor Martin Dean A SELECTION OF RACE RESULTS FROM 1992\93 John Gallacher Roger Greenaway

Whangie R McCraw 29.45 23rd S Miller 31.59 32nd Ian Hey Frank Kelly

J Gallacher 28.53 14th S Mathieson 29.59 26th G Clark 33.48 38th Philip Leslie Jonathon Lewis P Buchanan 29.09 17th B Worth 30.30 27th R Munro 33.50 39th Scot Mathieson Simon Miller

S Murray 29.17 18th F Kelly 30.51 28th Angela Mudge Gavin Munro Roddy Munro rd th Dumyat P Buchanan 38.53 33 D Scott 41.06 56 Steve Murray Ron McCraw P Bovill 35.00 6th F Kelly 39.34 40th B Connor 41.22 58th Dave Scott

J Gallacher 37.08 20th S Murray 40.16 45th G Clark 43.0 76th Jean Sharp Jack Stephen R McCraw 38.28 27th S Mathieson 40.28 48th A Mudge 44.40 91st Doug Wood

J Bowers 38.29 28th I Hey 40.44 52nd R Munro 45.45 100th Bob Worth (eat your heart out Bowers!) Page 6 COLOUR PURPLE

A SELECTION OF RACE RESULTS FROM 1992/93 (continued)

Dollar F Kelly 49.33 99th S Miller 55.09 157th P Bovill 45.02 48th P Buchanan 49.41 101st A Mudge 57.24 168th

J Gallacher 45.45 59th B Connor 50.31 109th R Munro 62.26 196th

R McCraw 48.45 93rd B Worth 51.24 114th G Munro 64.33 202nd

Carnethy R McCraw 61.10 82nd R Munro 70.39 224th P Bovill 53.30 14th B Brennan 65.57 159th P Leslie 71.13 233rd

P Buchanan 59.02 54th J Stephen 66.51 177th

F Kelly 60.59 78th G Clarke 67.10

Tinto J Bowers 39.10 49th A Mudge 51.58 146th P Bovill 33.13 2nd P Buchanan 40.49 63rd

J Gallacher 36.38 22nd G Clarke 41.52 76th

R McCraw 38.43 45th J Lewis 43.50 95th

Great Logie Bogie! – pre-AGM : 1 P Buchanan 7.53 J Sharpe 9.13

P Bovill 6.49 J Gallacher 8.18

R McCraw 7.25 S Mathieson 8.38

“GHURKALI!” - Ghurkha Khud Hill Race, Dumgoyne, July 1997

(Extracted and amended from original article by John Stevenson) Pete, John S, John G, Frank and comparison). On the steep climb us for ―Goan yersel pal!‖ Onto the road Steve Murray were the OHR team Dumgoyne, the whole troop with a mile to go and still 3 in front. facing up to the Ghurkha's crack seemed to be in front of us, but we After hauling in 2 of them, huge cadet squad. To a man, the gradually got the better of their shouts broke out from the ranks Ghurkhas were short, stocky, with early enthusiasm and gradually directed at the leading Ghurkha – I cropped hair and leg muscles 3 clawed them back. Over the later learned they were saying, ―Get times over specification for their summit, there were still about 10 of the finger out, here comes the baldy bodies – ie. built for mountain the wee fellas in front, but all Scotsman!‖. But, running in fear of running. Westies also had a team wearing road shoes which being castigated for being beaten out (obviously less impressive disadvantaged them on the steep by a civvy, he sped on to win. physically). At the race briefing, the wet grassy slopes off the summit. I Ghurkha senior officer, with handle passed a few of them bouncing John and Pete followed me in, with bar moustache, proudly proclaimed, down on their backsides through he Steve and Frank shortly after. ―No-one beats a Ghurkha at hill thistles and occasional rocks. More Westies has 5 in before our 5 and running!‖ battle cries, ―Ghurkha ai eeeeeee!, seemed confident but, after a long but I picked off a few more on the delay and numerous recounts The start was a cavalry charge, the moor. As I passed three by jumping (military precision) we were Ghurkhas screaming thir blood- a gully, they shouted declared first team on aggregate chilling battle cry ―Ghurkali‖ at full encouragement, probably Nepalese time. The unique team prize was a throttle (―HBT‖ sounds limp by magnificent curved Ghurkha Khukri ISSUE NO 12 Page 7

knife in a highly decorated silver to say, disappointed Westie was scabbard. As we walked down the heard to say, ―That‘s nae Khukri, he hill carefully stroking our wonderful always carries that chib!‖ prize, a dysfunctional and, needless CULTURE SECTION

DUMYAT (To be sung to the tune of “Delilah”. Apologies to Tom Jones, Alex Harvey and music lovers)

On Tuesday night with headtorches Kingseat and all of them local Gallacherosis I think!‖ bright we go training There‘s Ledi, and Lomond and No matter if wind, sleet or snow or Vorlich and more in the Ochils just raining Chorus (with gusto) But still its Dumyat We‘ll head for Dumyat Words by Piet Zelzonagain 1992 It‘s a fatal attraction when OHR are Every night it‘s the same we just do in action, Dumyat it again, Dumyat

Chorus Chorus But why why why Dumyat ―It‘s a fatal attraction Why why why Dumyat So I‘ll have to do something take up Oh before we contour onto Colsnaur bungee jumping or darts when OHR are in action, Its lets do Dumyat, yes lets do If that‘s not enough I could do a Bob Dumyat, once more Worth in foreign parts Dumyat‖ I‘ve al—rea---dy seen the shri-ink There‘s Whitewisp, Tarmangie and His diagnosis ―you‘ve got

The Ballad Of Desperate McCraw

This is the ballad of Desperate So 40 miles later, he ran on and on McCraw – it was 40 below and freezing like hell Our banana and beer powered The Haddington Yukon Poet (Scot ‗bominable snowman Mathieson) But desperate McCraw found his beard served him well He pushes through snow like a high powered mole And allowed him to run when lesser men fell And made ―Paths for All‖ – it was good for his soul

He opened the door to find terrible snow So think of McCraw as you feast by ―Oh do Run Ron, do,‖ your fires It was 40 feet deep but he wanted to cried she – ―You know go He‘s out running still – making paths, never tires! it‘s your life!‖ ―Should I run Di?‖ he asked of his long suffering wife And if you think this is just fictional lore ―Oh do Run Ron, do,‖ cried she – I‘ll prove it –ask Ron – that‘s him ―You know it‘s your life!‖ over there – The man wi the smile and a beard like a bear‘s! Page 8 COLOUR PURPLE

JOHN GALLACHER – THE EARLY YEARS

(Note – name derived from ―john‖, the wall. After pointing out the Scottish word for toilet, and ensuing flood to the proprietors, ―gallacher‖ from Gaelic for midge) John would sneak out the back door during the resulting fracas. As John‘s formative years were spent news of this cunning spread as a pupil in an east end Glasgow through the restaurant trade, John school run by nuns and called ―Our found himself running further and Lady of the Perpetual Premenstrual further until he eventually took to Tension‖. After a quiet sectarian the hills. To this day, many Chinese upbringing eventually leading him to restaurants are still struggling with Stirling University, John‘s entry to the burden of grossly inflated running was through the back door insurance premiums and a Triad ….. of Chinese restaurants that is. contract remains unfulfilled. Watch Struggling with University life, his this space! favourite ploy was to order a sumptuous meal then, 2 minutes before the bill arrived, he would go into the gents and rip the cistern off Bertie Knowes – OHR Archivist

THE DUMYAT 100 CLUB RECRUITS FIRST TWO MEMBERS

On the wind swept and stormy night evening in the East India Club curry of 17 December 1992, Frank Kelly house, the bottle nearly gave Kelly and John Gallacher , accompanied a heart attack as it was re- by a motley crew of fellow OHR presented at the table refilled with members, completed their 100th champagne (actually water) and ascent of Dumyat within one Gallacher stating it would cost ―howling gales calendar year – an achievement Frank £47! You had to be there!). In that will no doubt become the years to follow, the bottle will be and driving rain legendary in the annals of Scottish presented annually to an OHR hill running. In the true spirit of member with the most outstanding sportsmanship, Gallacher allowed and meritorious performance. could not his elder, Kelly, his first ever experience of reaching the summit first. Howling gales and driving rain (Ed – Did Eddie get it for his 1000 dampen the sense could not dampen the sense of Dumgoynes). However, the day achievement as a bottle of belonged to Messrs Kelly and champagne was uncorked and all Gallacher. of achievement‖ present, on this historic occasion, saluted the demons of Dumyat. The bottle will no doubt become an I.C. Screwloose Raving Reporter OHR talisman, the Frankie and Johnny trophy no less. (Later that FARTLEK ENTERPRISE TRUST (established during winter of discontent when European exchange rate mechanism was out of control and interest rates were 15%!)

Ron Fartlek McCraw‘s tight fartlek commitment to the FERM can only deprivation among some hill policy has forced many hill running be good for hill running in the long- runners, many of whom have never radicals into a dramatic U-turn to term, and denies speculation of a set foot on a running track or run join the Fartlek Exchange Rate personal ambition to preside over a faster then a steady trot. Indeed, he Mechanism which guarantees a United Fartlek Federation. knows of some individuals who greater return in running from have never run on the flat before. targeted training investment. There FET was developed by Mr Fartlek, have been understandable infamous for his unbending views on the benefits of fartlek training for concerns about the growth of fartlek OHR political correspondent subsidiarity, but Mr Fartlek wishes stiff limbed hill-hacks. He is to ensure investors that motivated by reasons of compassion, appalled at the level of ISSUE NO 12 Page 9

Proud to be Purple!

I joined Ochils in the summer of 2008 and on my first exchanged places with them over the 4 legs but we run from Tillicoultry I was informed that there wasn‘t couldn‘t quite hold them off and we settled for 2nd really a ladies team and it was suggested that maybe I place. Having managed to beat them at the Comrie‘s would join Carnethy! What?? A suggestion to join in 2010 it was all to play for this year but once again another club!! But I wanted to run with a local club so I they brought out some of their strongest and they just decided to stay local and got my purple vest. One of beat us to the top spot (we‘ll get that trophy back from my first outings in it was at the Ochil 2000s where, them next year though). when I ran past a strange-looking fellow sporting a Guinness hat on the first hill (I very soon learnt this to Along with these achievements as a team in the relays be Eddie), he called out in exclamation at a female and championships we have also had some wearing a purple vest making, in his words, ‗the club outstanding results from solo runners with Catriona, almost legal‘. Andrea and Tracey all representing GB over the World, European and long distance mountain running At this time I was also a member of Central AC and it events. We also managed to field the full Central was on some of their Tuesday and Thursday night Scotland Inter County team (Tracey, Catriona, Andrea training sessions where I began to make friends with and Fiona) and take gold there in 2011. In amongst all some of their runners who expressed a mild interest in this I won my first (and most possibly last) hill race at hill running. It was then a plan began to form and the Stuc a Chroin…of all the ones to win I picked a good recruiting of new lady members started. Very soon our ‗un! numbers looked good and meant that just maybe a team could be put forward for the Comrie Hill relays in So I finish this report with the Scottish Championships September 2009, which we did and we won!! And so still to be decided! But with 3 wins (Birnam, Slioch and began our successes with plenty more to follow! Eildons) from 3 turn outs, Ochils ladies have certainly put themselves in the strongest contention! At the AGM in 2009 I was officially made the ladies captain, which meant I had authority for arm-twisting, I‘d just like to say a massive thanks to all the Ochil poaching and other recruitment techniques. This ladies who have made it so much fun to be part of helped when the following January we faced a greater what I would describe as the greatest team in task…to get a team of 6 out for the much more Scotland!! Keep it up and long may our successes competitive Devils Burdens in January 2010. And in continue. winning again we put Ochils as a real force to be Alayne (your ever-enthusiastic team captain) reckoned with (and won some lovely hats in the process). P.S. WE WON….OCHIL LADIES ARE SCOTTISH HILL RUNNING CHAMPIONS 2011!!! During 2010 we set about claiming the title of Scottish Hill Running Champions and had a great start with wins at Ben Lomond (also the SAL championship race and Catriona took 1st spot overall) and Dollar and 2nd place at Tomnabat. However, we fell short at the very last hurdle and never quite got a full team out for a long race, so in 2010 it wasn‘t to be. Still we went back to Comrie‘s and retained our title from the previous year. The year was ended with the FRA relays where despite injury, illness and allegiance to English teams we did ourselves proud again and finished a very creditable 6th place (3rd Scottish team). And now we get to 2011 where we‘ve had a battle on our hands from our friends in brown, HBT!! It certainly was an exciting outing to the Burdens where we

EXCLUSIVE! RON-2-SHOWERS ON HOW TO TRAIN FOR LONG CLASSICS

I came across Ron-2-S recently in the Gannochy, then forth…. My opening gambit of ―So how did you get again later that day, and the day after that, and so from doing prissy stretches and pilates in the gym to on…. Hmmm, I thought, I could winkle some of his running the Ochils 2000s in the space of one year – innermost training secrets out of him given that, let‘s quite an improvement?‖ At first suspicious, he soon face it, he‘s better now than when he started. So warmed to the theme once he knew I was keen to armed with coffee and cake refill for him, I launched learn from his undoubted experience. The following is Page 10 COLOUR PURPLE

a rough summary of his main points.  Using the cross trainer very slowly and rhythmically and talking to ―It all started with observations of 2 older anyone who comes near me and more experienced runners, who I ‖My natural knew were OHR members and were  Falling over on the hill – to get tough frequently sighted in the changing rooms, in the gym and just running all the time. Of  Getting lost on the hill – to improve programme includes course, they were none other than Pete my navigation ―auld yin‖ Buchanan and Ron One  Getting frequently injured – because Shower McCraw. I got chatting. They doing only the first all the good runners are seemed affable, mostly harmless, and keen to pass on advice when pressed.  Sunbed sessions – 3 x 30 mins per and last of 10 reps But the stuff they came out with was so day – to keep my skin perfect dubious! I mean to say, get this: a regime  Doing only the first and last of 10 during club speed of hard days / easy days, essential rest days, long slow runs, short tempos, cruise reps during club speed sessions, but intervals, anaerobic speed work, fartlek, really fast sessions, but really hill reps, running drills, cross training,  Mysteriously disappearing during weight training, stretching and plyometrics club sessions – It‘s good to have – all weaved into a carefully crafted fast‖ some training secrets programme. Whit! I nodded sagely and politely, not wanting to appear the  Once per week, a long endurance younger upstart whipper-snapper, but session of home baking – for core decided just to carry on with my more stability natural programme, which basically consists of: But if I tried to tell that to Pete or Ron, they‘d think I was aff ma heid!‖  2 showers (1 before and 1 after training) But that‘s all I got from Ron 2S as, coffee and cake devoured, he went upstairs to  Training whenever I feel like it, Pat‘s aerobics before he went for a swim sometimes 3 times a day (yes, that is before a cycle before the club rep a lot of showers!) session, and then back to the gym for his final session of the day. He does get  Doing anything I want - Running, exceptional value from his membership, cycling, swimming, gym work (I do making each trip to the gym worth only have a lot of time) 2pence. Maybe these auld yins should  Social networking – 3 x 1 hour per listen to him more! Ed—Sorry. There was day Under cover lady reporter – OHR no photo available of Intelligence Unit Ron in an apron.  Standing on the medicine ball with 1 leg

Racing, records and championships: the story of 2011

2011 was the year of Scotland‘s work in the first week of January by to a dry and mild March when the warmest ever April, the wettest ever winning the Callandar Crags race racing started to pick up. The first May, and the coolest August since outright. championship race of the year was 1993. But it has also been a very the short dash up a surprisingly eventful year for the club, with race For the rest of us the racing year steep little hill in Birnam. After victories, championship glory, started, as it always does, with 300 narrowly missing out on the team course records, international runners from across Scotland prize in 2010, the women were representation and even a world crushing into the steamy keen to get the 2011 record. January is the time we all Strathmiglo Village Hall for the championships off to a positive set our goals for the season, but Devils Burdens relays. We had a note. Catriona‘s excellent second some people‘s are more ambitious good turnout with three teams, the place, backed up by Alayne and than others. John Stevenson women only just missing victory to a Fiona, was enough to clinch the announced his intention to very good HBT team and the men women‘s team prize (although complete 50 races during the year coming third. disappointingly there were no prizes (to coincide with a significant The quiet February, punctuated by awarded, the race organiser birthday), and he got straight to the Carnethy stampede, gave way pretending that he hadn‘t worked ISSUE NO 12 Page 11 out the result in a cunning ploy to keep the beer for enough to see her become the Scottish Hill Running himself). Al Anthony and Bob Wiseman had good runs Champion 2011 which, as far as I am aware, is the to finish in the top-10. first time an Ochil runner, male or female, has won the SHR senior title. Meanwhile Andrea was in Slovenia The good weather continued into April (the warmest running for Scotland in the World Mountain Running since records began), lulling us into thinking that it Association Long Distance Challenge. She finished a might be a nice summer. Ironically the hottest race of fine 11th place in the 38km race, helping ensure that the year was probably Stuc a Chroin, where the heat the Scottish ladies took team bronze. came as an unpleasant shock to some, enabling Alayne to take a fine victory and an early lead in the July and August were invariably wet and soggy and long-classics series. April also saw a return to racing the racing alternated between short slippy highland for Davie Duncan, who had broken his leg games events and long slogs through whilst training in the Christmas snow. slimey sucking bogs. Two Inns was Despite having missed almost the whole especially gloopy but didn‘t stop Al from of the first four months of the year through setting a new course record, which he his injury, by September Davie had backed up with wins at Caerketton and completed over 40 hill races, more than Maddy Moss. Other highlights were a anyone else in the club! win for Sean McFarlane in the Durty Triathlon, a second place for Alayne in The Dumyat race in early May had been the tough Glenshee 9 and a win for ear-marked as a celebration of the club‘s th Catriona in the Menstrie Trial race. 20 year. Bob suggested that everyone should run in Alayne and I tried to escape the weather by going to fancy-dress, and promised prizes to the best dressed. Italy and running in the Dolomites Skyrace, but Bob himself appeared as a very genuine-looking ironically it was even worse out there and the 24km clown, and John Stevenson looked authentic as a route was shortened due to high winds and snow. But batman complete with cape and purple y-fronts. the atmosphere was great and we hope to have Unfortunately the rest of us let the side down and another go at a European race next year. came rather unfancily dressed in shorts and purple vests. Ben Nevis heralds the beginning of Autumn and as ever the club had a strong turnout at the blue riband The Dumyat race was the last we saw of the sun for a race, with Stuart Simpson leading the charge for very long time. By the end of May (which turned out to Ochils. But September was also a busy month for the be the wettest on record) it was time for the second club‘s international stars. John Stevenson‘s fine championship race of the year at Slioch. This was a performance at the Menstrie trial race had earned him typically rough highland long, made worse by torrents a Scotland vest for the World Masters Mountain of water gushing off the hillside, thick clag, strong Running Championships in Italy. He had a great run winds and, near the top, stinging hail. The women finishing 15th in the V50 Category and helping Great followed-up their first place at Birnham with first place Britain win a bronze medal. Next up was the again here, with Andrea finishing second. The Commonwealth Mountain Running Championships in following weekend saw the British inter-counties Wales where Tracy, Catriona and Al were all championships come to Broughton. The East Scotland representing Scotland. Tracy won an individual silver women‘s team consisted entirely of Ochil runners – medal, backed up by Catriona in 7th to secure team Andrea, Catriona, Tracey Brindley and Fiona – who silver for Scotland. In the men‘s race, Al‘s 11th place ran to an impressive victory over teams from was also enough to secure team silver for Scotland. Yorkshire, Cumbria and Lancashire. Tracey took the individual silver medal. Meanwhile, in Edinburgh, Euan And so finally into October and the final championship Jack smashed the world record for the fastest race of the year at Ben Venue. The Ben Venue race marathon ever run while dressed as a doctor. He has only been running since 2009 but in its first two recorded an impressive time of 2hr53min wearing years it became synonymous with torrential rain. doctors scrubs, jacket and stethoscope, and in so Those hoping that it would be third time lucky in 2011 doing raised over £18,000 for charity. would have been disappointed, especially given the reports of record breaking heat waves coming from June is always about the busiest month of the year down south. The thick clag resulted in some racing wise. This year was no different with two interesting route choices being made. But there were championship races. First up was the fast, grassy no such problems for the Ochil ladies. Catriona took medium at Yetholm where Al moved through the field five minutes off the course record to confirm beyond steadily to take second, and Catriona won the any doubt her status as SHR champion, and with women‘s race by a comfortable three minute margin. Andrea and Alayne also running well the ladies won Three weeks later a large field gathered in Melrose for the team prize and were confirmed as SHR team the Eildon 2 Hills, enticed by the cash prizes on offer if champions for 2011. the longstanding records were broken. Tracey stormed to individual victory, and the unstoppable women once Dave Eiser – El Kapitano again took the team prize. Catriona‘s third place was Page 12 COLOUR PURPLE

TWIN PEAKS 2 – PREPARING FOR BATTLE

Two years after the 1992 Carnage Dad! (?) …. And the ritual continued dress for the hill race. Chammy and memories are still fresh. Here into the night. asks, ―Whaur djae sae yis wer we take a quick look at how a cross runnin‘ ramorra‖. Frank replies, section of the club members spend Two miles away in the town centre, ―Wee Torrey and the Nebbit‖ and the night before the rigours of the we see Pete Buchanan sitting in a Chammy says, ―Where the F***S OHR annual Xmas race. bar. Pete is known as the Lemming that‖, and Frank, what with the in hill running circles for his noise of the glaziers in the In Muckhart we find our canny club penchant for throwing himself down background, juke box and general captain crouched in a corner steep slopes at terrifying speeds. banter, hears this last question as, concentrating fully on one repetitive Tonight he is out with friends from ―Wear the Fox hat‖, and responds, motion, with his right hand moving work, though what he does at work ―Brilliant Chammy, I‘ll wear a hat!‖ up and down something long and remains a mystery. ―It‘s no that a hard (?) …Yes, you‘re right, he‘s cannae tell ye, it‘s just that I‘ll hae The next morning at approx 11.30, blowing up his bike tyres. After a tae kill ye efter!‖ Club members Pete is speeding downhill at high week off training due to a cold, have noticed that Pete has velocity to eventually claim victory. John is getting on his bike to loosen disappeared from Tuesday night John Bower‘s considerable early off these quads for the next day. training, because he has embarked lead has been eroded. John on his own Secret High Intensity Gallacher, still snivelling from the Further west near Causewayhead, Training (SHIT) programme. cold is off the pace. Frank, despite John Bowers and his son William Tonight, however, he has been the drag factor from his hard hat, are in their living room, and John is having his annual blow-out, and has pips John Bowers, and finishes embarking on his pre-race routine. consumed several of this favourite intact this time, much to the relief of He stands up, stretches forward, cocktails ―Orgasms‖ – right now he Kate, who is standing with the other hands almost touching the floor, doesn‘t know whether he‘s coming spectators, Caroline Gallacher who and lets out a fearsome roar or going! is missing the action because she (RRRRAARGHHH!). William, fully thinks she can see a ―wee doggie‖ accustomed to his dad‘s pathetic To the south in Bannockburn, Frank in a collage of fallen leaves, and a but grotesque parody of a Kelly is staring in intrepidation at man who thinks he‘s on the path to Tasmanian Devil, runs around in the distant forms of Wee Torry and Ben Cleuch. Shortly after, the club mock horror with John in full the Nebbit lit up by the moon. Frank and supporters are spotted in the pursuit, until they reach the bottom has a flashback to ‘92 and instantly Cross Keys in Alva, amidst scenes of the stairs. ―Now son I‘ll show you breaks out in a cold sweat as he of great revelry and rejoicing! how to do repetition runs on the recalls tumbling headfirst into rocks stairs, and then we‘ll do fartlek on the final descent, then the sheer round the garden and back in pain …. of having to sit in hospital through the kitchen.‖ ―But Dad I casualty while club mates were Adapted from an extract of Piet want to see Gladiators and ahm scoffing beer and hot food. At that Zelzonagain‟s “My life with Big burstin for the toilet!‖ Nonsense, point, Frank rejects his promise of Chammy” by Ben Ever this‘ll make you a man like your an alcohol free pre-race night and heads for his local hostelry, boasting second rate beer, third world hygiene and a somewhat tempestuous reputation. Much later ―Now son I‘ll show you in the evening, we join Frank after much of the action has died down. how to do repetition runs – the result of an act of human defenestration is already being attended to by the emergency on the stairs, and then glazier. Frank is blethering to a pal called Chammy - a man of we‘ll do fartlek round the gargantuan proportions, almost an ogre, though it is said that his wife worships the ground that his belly garden and back in drags along. As a child, all the local kids were afraid of him – his mother through the kitchen.‖ had to tie a pork chop to his neck so at least the dogs would play with him. Frank has just explained to Chammy that he had to run in fancy ISSUE NO 12 Page 13

"WHAT HAS OUR CLUB TREASURER EVER DONE FOR US?”

"Apart from organising the Dollar Hill Ochil runners across the sea to the Race every year; dreaming up, then Isle of Jura and finding the funds to organising the Ochils' 2000' Hill Race subsidise two dinners a year, tell me, ―Negotiating with every year; arranging race insurance; just what has the treasurer ever done negotiating with the athletic authorities for us"? the athletic after they‘ve been very silly; designing our web site and keeping the site up to Thanks, Treasurer King for keeping date; hosting our web site on a server the club afloat in more ways than one authorities after in his garage; skippering his RIB full of since 2000. Ochil runners across the sea to the Complaint submitted by Eddie Dealtry they‘ve been very Isle of Jura and finding the funds to (based on a scene from “Life of Alex”) subsidise two dinners a year, tell me, just what has the treasurer ever done silly‖ for us"? "Kept the club in the black". "That goes without saying - he's the treasurer. Okay, okay. Apart from keeping the club in the black for a fiver subs, organising the Dollar Hill Race every year; dreaming up, then organising the Ochils' 2000' Hill Race every year; arranging race insurance; negotiating with the athletic authorities after they‘ve been very silly; designing our web site and keeping the site up to date; hosting our web site on a server in his garage; skippering his RIB full of

Why I joined Ochil HR

Not many members will have heard another English Ochil Member, Bob which was effectively based 70 of me, & even fewer will recall my Worth, but our tracks haven‘t miles away from where I now live, so running days with Ochil HR. I‘m an crossed recently. Joe & I still Ochil (my original 2nd claim Club) is English Member, but with Scottish competed over the years, & once now my Club of choice. ancestry, my christian names are turned 50, I succeeded in making Neil Ross. Having explored Scottish the top 10 V50‘s in the Scottish Long may the Club survive! - it‘s just hills all my life (only 8 Munro‘s left to championship races possible I might compete north of do), there came a time when I took the border again some day. Injury prevented me from doing the an interest in the Scottish Neil Dyson Championship Hill Races. I same in the V60‘s, but who knows, I competed successfully as a V40, might return as a ghost in a few and made the Scottish top ten V40 years time to compete in the V70‘s, as a member of Mandale A.C. (a if there is such a category then. Teesside Club). I used to travel up Runners that I recall from my early regularly with another Mandale days with Ochil were Pete member, Joe Blacket who also Buchanan, Mairi McIntosh, Jack enjoyed competing in Scottish races. Stephen, David Duncan, Euan ―Long may the Mackay & Craig Brown, most of A few years after that, the Scottish whom I think are still members, & rules changed, & one either had to still running as well. Club survive!‖ live in Scotland, or be a member of a Scottish Club, so the answer for Joe Mandale reinvented itself as North & me was to seek out a friendly club York Moors AC, & more recently as which would accept us. Joe Esk Valley Runners. When I moved ultimately joined Cosmics, & I joined from Durham to the Yorkshire Dales, Ochil. Mandale A.C. did have I saw little point in carrying on membership of my old English Club, Page 14 COLOUR PURPLE

BOB WISEMAN‟S TWICE WEEKLY BALL-BUSTERS!

Thanks to Bob for conjuring up crafty speed work ses- sat 12th nov Tinto sions over the past few years tu 15th nov 6x4mins road 2mins and leading these. Just to be bang up to date, here is the season‘s latest:: thr 17th nov 3 x 5x300m grass 1min sat 19th nov Livingston XC DATE REPS LOCATION RECOVERY tu 22nd nov 7.30min Tempo, 3 x 6x150m grass 15secs thr 6th oct fartlek uni various thr 24th nov 8 x 2mins hill reps jog sat 8th oct xc relay / manor water/ pentlands sat 26th nov tu 11th oct 7.5.tempo,5x1min,7.5tempo grass various tu 29th nov 5min,4min,3min,2min,1min road 1/2 rep time th 13th oct 10x 75sec hills uni jog thr 1st dec 8 x (300m + 200m) grass 45sec + 90sec sat15th oct stirling xc / meall nan tarmachan sat 3rd dec tu 18th oct 8x3min grass 90sec tu 6th dec 6 x 3min grass 75sec thr 20th oct 20x20sec hill reps jog th 8th dec steady run sat 22nd oct XC relay/Club event/Run of Mill sat 10th dec Aberdeen XC tu 25th oct 4x5min, 5x15sec road 3min th 27th oct 4x1min, 6x40sec, 8x20sec hill reps jog Bob Wiseman sat 29th oct tu 1st nov 10-12x90sec grass 90sec thr 3rd nov 4x4min up/down hills none sat 5th nov Dumyat Dash tue 8th Nov 8x3.30min grass 90sec thr 10th nov 7.30min tempo, 10x30sec hills

ULTRA STUFF

Bob Graham Round – a clockwise attempt by the Moot Hall just after midnight along with several David Scott and Andrea Priestley on 28th June other groups, light rain, cloud on the tops. Section one 2008 - a report sent to the Bob Graham 24 Hour was uneventful, although Hall‘s Fell was slow and Club slippery. We arrived Threlkeld at 0350 in good spirits. Section 2 went well until Dollywaggon, where Introduction confusion with the GPS (back to map and compass The attempt was planned by David with after this !) resulted in us heading east down the encouragement from 2 existing BG members in our Tongue. A rough and difficult traverse brought us club (Eddie Dealtry, no. 278 and Bob Hughes, no. back under Falcon Crag and an ascent of Fairfield via 828). The route was reccied over the course of 2 Cofa Pike. Despite this, we were still 10 minutes up weekends, with a further reccie of sections 1, 3 and 4 on schedule at Dunmail. a few weeks before the attempt. Andrea was to be a Section 3 proved to be a real test. At various points pacer for sections 1 to 3, but also wanted to go the we split up with our pacers to try and keep on whole way if possible. The plan was for a traditional schedule, causing a few obvious problems especially clockwise round based on a 23.5 hour schedule, given the poor visibility ! We lost time at Broad Crag, departing at midnight. Bob Wightman‘s website was coming off Scafell Pike, and at and above Broad invaluable in planning schedules and support. Stand. From being 30 minutes up on schedule at The attempt Bowfell, we were 30 minutes behind by Wasdale. Low cloud was forecast and so it turned out. We left We made a strong ascent of Yewbarrow and by Red ISSUE NO 12 Page 15

―We raised over

£3000 for the Cystic

Fibrosis Trust‖

although I suffered on the Pike had clawed back 20 minutes. For the rest of downhills in the second half. A fantastic weekend with section 4 however navigation proved tricky in places family and friends giving tremendous support. As a and by Honister we were again nearly 30 minutes further bonus, we raised over £3000 for the Cystic behind schedule. With only 3 hours to get back to Fibrosis Trust. Keswick it was going to be tight ! Pacers: section one and two, Dave Murray; section 3 A strong gang of 5 pacers now lead the way. A Eddie Dealtry and Derek Robertson; section 4 Viv change of shoes at Newlands and the end in sight but Crampton and Bob Hughes; section 5 Al and Paul with no time to lose gave new urgency to proceedings. Sarjeant, Ron McCraw, Pete Buchanan, Mark Andrea shot off up the road with husband Mark in Priestley. support, finishing in 23h 40m, whilst I followed on to finish in 23h 51m, to an amazing reception. Road crossing support: Lisa MacDermid, Carol Murray, Kathryn and James Harris, Jane Sarjeant, Aftermath Megan Priestley and the Scott family In hindsight, our attempt went well considering our Statistics: distance covered relative lack of local knowledge and the navigation problems, which probably cost us around 1.5 hours. 65 miles, height ascended We both had good energy levels until the end, 27,000 feet. Dave Murray‟s Bob Graham Round – Lake District

Gary is a member of Ochils Hill Lake District in a few weeks time. under her belt from last year), Jim Runners, the local hill running club. and Alan and ran off towards It is through listening to hours of On the evening of Friday 12th June Skiddaw the first summit of the tales of daring deeds from many of Gary headed down to Keswick to get round. Running through the hours of the club‘s members that Gary a taste of ‗big run fever‘. Dave darkness, and in the mist, the team decided he needed to have his own Murray was attempting to complete reached the first changeover point at epic challenge to bore everyone with the Bob Graham Round, a non-stop Threlkeld at 03:51 just as dawn was for evermore. There are some other run over 70 miles and 42 summits breaking. Dave, Andrea and Jim set ‗epics‘ on the cards for 2009. Bob with a total climb of about 28,000 off on the next stage of the journey Hughes has completed the Joss feet. In the weeks before his attempt after a quick cup of tea leaving Alan Naylor Challenge, 77km – 5070m – Dave has been raising considerable and Gary to gaze in wonder at the 30 summits – 15 hours; in the Lake donations for Gary‘s Help Emma madness of it all. District; Ron McCraw has run from appeal. The second leg was misty and route Milngavie to Tyndrum in the Dave‘s challenge started at midnight ‗Highland Fling‘ race in 11 hours 24 finding was difficult however Jim from the town square in Keswick. guided Dave and Andrea to the min. Lisa MacDermid is off to take Dave set off into the night with Gary, on the Bob Graham Round in the second checkpoint with his trusty Andrea (already a Bob Graham compass. The third section saw Page 16 COLOUR PURPLE

Andrea continue with Dave and the was exceptional and testament to all the pace was kept up with the fresh legs of willing runners who paced him, to his ―Thanks go Doug and Bob Graham veteran, Dave bag carriers and navigators and the Scott . The fresh legs took over the ground team Derek, Cathy, Lisa and navigation and the team flew over this Marta and especially to Carol, Dave‘s to...Dave‘s Long- tricky section. long suffering wife, who stayed awake the whole time preparing tea and Things were going well and got even suffering wife, who snacks at every check point and driving better when Dave S. and Doug were back and forward all over the Lakes in replaced by the three housemaids, Bob, support stayed awake the John and Eddie, both Bob and Eddie past BG‘ers . Dave‘s every need Dave wants to say thanks to everyone (nearly) was catered for by the three who helped and to those who supported whole time maids scurrying about keeping our hero his effort for ‗helpemma‘ too. on track. Andrea had thought about Gary Fraser preparing tea and carrying on but her bag was getting heavy and she couldn‘t rustle up a willing Sherpa. snacks at every check Mark, Ron and Pete had the job of chumming Dave along on the last leg. point‖ As they hit the road Eddie joined the team again. Dave‘s memory of the evening sun framing his victory run into Keswick will be with him forever. Soon, in the pub surrounded by beers, Dave managed a sip then politely retired to a well earned bath. Well Done Dave. Dave‘s time of 21 hours and 3 minutes A CLASSICAL BOB GRAHAM ROUND FROM OCHIL HILL RUNNERS

Out-takes Wasdale. This is no joke. This is serious. I'm off - for a With apologies to: Borrowdale head start over the contender. Look at Dave. Even with my short sightedness you Dave Murray has not been listening. He's repeating appreciate the strength and style chasing up the fell hard runs up and down Ben Ledi's 2,900' and he is off below. Right, okay, I shall keep you that way: keep the beer. That's not exactly singing from the Cumbrian you well behind and preferably below me. If things hymn book. I definitely preached: just learn to "stay on threaten to go pear shaped, John MacEwan and Bob your feet all day". And, as if ‗Hear nothing‘ is not can abandon their current flanking manoeuvre and we enough, it‘s also ‗Say nothing‘. I'm not being told can alter•nate a few fells. I've seen some class acts, everything. Now I overhear "twenty two hours" on a although, maybe I should have men•tioned this before, Sunday morning training run. The second lesson class acts through Honister – never out of Wasdale. preaches that for the first attempt, ―just get round‖. You're supposed to schedule 23 hours 8 minutes, for The immediate problem is keeping this mountain goat some reason, and, if you don't throw up on the track under some kind of control between us three pacers. out of the Wasdale campsite, go for 22 from there. Oh the god that rescues fools, oh friend, thank you, That is, unless your some class Borrowdale act. Now thank you, thank you: for plonking down Great Gable‘s we've got the mist down to sea level. Hell fire, Ochil's screes, right there, straight ahead. can‘t even navigate their way off Dollywagon Pike. Right boy, I know what will happen now after you ….Over an hour up at the start of the previous section! touch Westmorland Cairn and turn for the finish well Ochils have pulled off something pretty astounding on ahead of time, we‘re all in for an easier time of it. No, the first two sections, evidently. Hold on a second, it‘s not to be. Instead, we‘re in a race down Billy‘s what on earth is this looming up out of the beck? Dave Route off Great Gable. Scott is leaping into the air over a gorse bush, overwhelming the Wasdale Campsite with a crack Dave Scott: ―You‘ve done your bit, stay down here, force of Ochil shock troops. At least one pacer is Eddie‖. Right on Captain Sensible, I concur. Instead, overwhelmed and today it‘s a pacer who feels sick in I‘ll just join them for the ―jog‖ along the road from ISSUE NO 12 Page 17

Chapel Gate to Keswick. can‘t keep up with these four. Like what you‘re supposed to be doing, I‘m Why don‘t you just shut up; with your walking into Keswick. ―Looks like our man could be on a twenty hour round‖, l runner from rival Ochil‘s have pulled off a sequence of club in blue leaning on the gate. astounding feats today, here in ―Dave Scott: Anyway, this is our squad that‘s flying Borrowdale. To top it all, despite the off Robinson. Stick that in your pipe full pint standing on the table, Dave and smoke it! turns to depart, and walks away. ―You‘ve done your Dave the word on the hymn sheet is Eddie – who else! (Abridged version!) ―jog‖. The pacers are the ones who bit, stay down here, are supposed to dictate the rhythm. Well, you may turn down this offer but Eddie‖. Right on I need both a drink of water and to jettison a shirt. I‗ve just worked something out. ―Dave, listen. If you Captain Sensible, I can run from this bridge to Moot Hall in under ten minutes, you‘ll break 21 concur‖ hours‖. I know that look. I received one such back in 1990 when I suggested that the highest point, by a few inches, of certain Munro, actually lay twenty yards away from the cairn. On that occasion an expletive left no doubt. I Bob succeeds with Naylor Challenge

Very well done to Bob Hughes, who and dry, broken only by a dramatic completed his Naylor Challenge on thunderstorm around Bow Fell. Great Saturday in a little under 15 hours, a team of Ochil pacers played their part, distance of 48 miles and ascent of Dave Murray all 4 sections, Craig 17,000 feet. No great dramas I sections 1-3, John MacEwan 2 and 3, understand, other than a battle with Dave Scott 1 and part 4, Eddie 3 and cramp around half way and a battle 4, Lisa 4 and support vehicle. Jos trying to get Bob to drink (―Are you himself was there at the finish at trying to drown me ?!―) ! Greendale bridge to welcome Bob - a ―No great dramas I great end to a great day. Superb day for running, mostly fine understand, other than a battle with cramp around half way and a battle trying to get Bob to drink (―Are you trying to drown

me ?!‖) !‖ Page 18 COLOUR PURPLE

Eddie‟s Naylor Challenge, 15th August 2009 (or a good excuse to do the conga in Stake Beck !)

A pacer‘s report by Dave Scott (legs issues were Steff‘s shoes, little better 3 and 4) than roller blades going downhill on wet grass, and the fact that all the The 18 hours allowed for someone of pacers except Mairi had conveniently Eddie‘s vintage on this challenge chosen to wear bum bags rather than seemed like a doddle given his rucksacks; guess who ended up propensity for epic hill days and past carrying most of Eddie‘s goods and long distance successes. However, as chattels …. As the rest of us enjoyed the weekend drew closer and the the comforts of our beds, but aware of forecast got worse (south westerly the storm outside (especially Craig in gales and heavy rain, not to mention his tent !) we could only wonder at the persistent low cloud), it was clear that hardship facing those on the hill. Eddie‘s resolve was going to be tested to the limit, assuming he even made Lisa was up early to give support with the attempt at all ! I gather Eddie tea and egg sandwiches at the first himself was having doubts on Friday road crossing at Kirkstone, ETA 0713, evening when he drew back the only just getting the tea brewed before curtains at his B&B and saw a nearby the first bedraggled apparitions tree bent double in the wind ! appeared out of the mist. By this time Bob, wearing only T shirt, shorts and a Craig and I were to be pacers on legs cag, no doubt trying to prove his hard 3 and 4, starting at Dunmail at the man image, was reduced to a civilised time of 1025 on Saturday am, shivering hypothermic wreck and and coincidentally just as the weather ―We were encouraged decided to bow out after a gallant was forecast to improve. Dave Murray effort. Gary, having apparently was also persuaded (remarkably prepared with quadruple Dumyats two (disappointed ?!) to easily) to join us, having previously days before, also called it a day. Alan, committed to going the whole way ! I Mairi and Steff gamely carried on over have to admit to the thought that we note that Eddie , who Fairfield to bring Eddie into Dunmail might be spared having to venture out ahead of schedule at around 1000, all at all, given the chances of everyone looking remarkably cheery, despite was his usual cheery being blown and/or washed off the hill having had to hold hands to avoid during the night…..That however was being blown off Hart Crag. Wind and to underestimate the determination self and still looked driving rain blowing through the pass and navigational proficiency of the first played havoc with the contents of half pacers, Bob, Alan, Gary, Mairi, Lisa‘s support car, which had to be full of life, improved and Westies guest star Steff (complete parked open tailgate into the wind, and with road running shoes, having left his the newly acquired boot liner soon Walshes at home…). At 0318 still further by a turned into a swimming pool, with cake precisely (chosen to coincide with and sandwiches turning to mush. earlier epic starting times and change into dry therefore with propitious omens) the Having expected Eddie to be gang left Pooley Bridge and soon somewhat down hearted after the made just about the only route finding rigours of the night and perhaps ready clothes and a mug of error of the day ….. chief navigator to call it quits, we were encouraged Bob, struggling to put his head torch (disappointed ?!) to note that Eddie hot tea.‖ together (shades of Lisa‘s challenge was his usual cheery self and still ?!), allowed the rest of the party to looked full of life, improved still further romp off ahead and get lost in the by a change into dry clothes and a sprawling camp site just up the road. mug of hot tea. It appeared that the Cue various expletives from Eddie ! next batch of pacers were not to be spared after all, and with no sign of the What followed on the hill has yet to be promised improvement in the weather fully recounted, but the wind was we all set off up Steel Fell at the clearly awesome. Eddie‘s thoughts of scheduled time of 1025. Steel Fell abandonment via Howtown were soon was gained 5 minutes ahead of however dispelled by Bob, who schedule and with Eddie nattering resolutely drove the team on. Other ISSUE NO 12 Page 19 away with his usual gusto he was still clearly up for it. grabbed and headed off with up the stairway to Great Gable whilst the rest of us paused for breath. John had The section between High Raise and Rossett Pike also brought with him an improvement in the weather – produced the only real ―incident‖ of the second half, the rain stopped, the cloud lifted intermittently, and the when Stake Beck, swollen with all the rain, had to be day became altogether more bearable. By Kirkfell we crossed. The beck appeared to be just a little too wide were 20 minutes up and things were looking good. to jump, so buoyed by our success with the ―ring of From here on however the pace roses‖ river crossing method in a much bigger burn in slowed, Eddie stopped talking the Fisherfields on a previous club weekend, we got (!!!), and it was clear he was ready to wade across. Craig however had other ideas, having to dig deep. Descending confidently asserting that he had a better way, the to Black Sail Pass, we were ―conga‖, proven through half a day practising on a pleased to see a rejuvenated mountain leadership course, no less. How could we Bob, John (Lisa‘s son in law) ―So we grabbed each refuse ?! It so happened that yours truly ended up at and son. They brought more the front facing upstream and Craig at the back, which egg sandwiches and bananas, others waists and was fortuitous for Craig, as will be revealed. So we which went down a treat. grabbed each others waists and edged our way sideways into the beck. It soon became clear however A good line off Haycock got us edged our way that with nothing to hang onto the leader (myself), being to Seatallon on time and we hung onto by the person behind (Eddie), would be finally enjoyed some decent sideways into the wallowing around like a ship in a storm in imminent views as the weather cleared. A danger of capsize. And so it turned out …. as we got to minor glitch coming off Middlefell half way I made my first attempt at submersion, shortly saw some of us retrace our beck.‖ followed by another. Dave claims to have saved me steps to find the path, but from a total ducking by grabbing my rucksack from two Greendale was now in sight and places back. As we emerged on the other side, Craig Eddie had enough energy left to (having been conveniently protected at the end of the summon up his now famous hat, line) pipes up ―Well that worked OK, I‘m still dry !!!‖. reaching Greendale Bridge at Assessing my own dripping state, I reckoned I would 2102, completing his Challenge in 17 hours and 44 have been better off jumping the beck after all. Later minutes. Jos wasn‘t there as usual to welcome the referral to a mountain craft guide recommended that the Challenger home, perhaps having conga is best done with the leader steadying himself doubted his chance of success in with a stick ….. that bit had obviously slipped Craig‘s the conditions, but he later phoned memory ! If the truth be told, we were all pretty wet Eddie to congratulate him. anyway, but the soaking of our nether regions only served to hasten the onset of the dreaded chaffing. Then it was off to The Strand in Craig then had his comeuppance, suffering worse than Nether Wasdale for a well earned anyone and becoming more and more bow legged as meal to round off an epic day. The the day went on ! Dave later admitted to hanging onto drama wasn‘t over yet however. his Vaseline stick until he couldn‘t bear to watch Craig Eddie scared us by fainting on the suffering any more …! way to the gents, collapsing in a heap in the lobby. We dragged him The rain and wind continued incessantly, but by Great into the games room away from the pub mob and End we were fifteen minutes up on schedule. Somehow settled him on the floor with some pillows. Luckily he however the half hour allowed for the descent to soon came round, a concerned waitress provided tea Styhead, the end of leg 3, turned into 45 minutes, and and comfort, and fifteen minutes later he was back at so we came in on time at 1515. John MacEwan joined table eating supper ! us here for the last leg, bringing such goodies as the much touted carrot and coriander soup, which Eddie

Carpe (the long) Diem: Ramasay Round 1st and 2nd July 2011

Dan Gay and I are doing a warm down after thrashing food each at the Loch Treig dam. As usual I was faffing the legs at the Law Breaker. ―I don't know if you fancy it about at the last minute. By the time I'd joined Dan at but the weather looks good this weekend, so I might the phone box next to the Youth Hostel it had gone give the Ramsay a shot‖ Dan says. ―Good luck with that‖ midday on my watch. I reply. A whole day later and I ask myself, why not? I'm fit, it's something I want to do before I die and the As we jogged over the bridge to join the Ben path I weather does look good. Saturday morning comes and realised that I had no idea what pace to set. Fortunately we drive up via Glen Spean to drop off a lunch box of we soon hit the climb which I used as an excuse to Page 20 COLOUR PURPLE

break into a fast walk. It was fairly as I could keep to the 24 hour warm and I wouldn't say I felt great but schedule, I‘d keep going. I made a I was reassured by the rate at which we guess at the route down to the Loch were zipping past the tourists. After a Treig dam, it was nice running and I quick photo we trotted off across the started to perk up a bit. As I reached rocks towards Carn Mor Dearg, happy the dam I was surprised to see Dan still to leave the hordes behind. As we there, apparently he‘d got there just 5 dropped down onto the arête, we minutes earlier. I dug out a copy of the bumped into the great pioneer himself, 24 hour schedule Jon had given me Charlie Ramsay. He conveyed his best just before we started, now a barely wishes and said he'd be at the Youth legible sweaty mush. I‘d managed to Hostel to see us finish sometime keep up with the schedule so far, so no tomorrow. At that moment it struck me quitting for me, not yet anyway. I re- that running in the hills for about 23-24 stocked on food for the next stage, hours was a concept I'd not fully come downed a couple of bottles of juice and to terms with. We were about to join the a couple of energy gels and stepped Carn Mor Dearg arête. Although I quite onto the railway feeling better by the like easy scrambles, I'm not particularly second. I don‘t know what happened on quick over them but the short climb up climb up Stob Coire Sgriodain but, in a the summit pyramid gave me a chance curious reverse of my experience going ―At that moment it to catch Dan again. After dropping up Stob Coire Easain, by the time I got down the east ridge we took a few to the top I felt invincible. I caught a struck me that minutes to locate some water. Bottles glimpse of Dan and set off in pursuit. filled, we made the short but steep The view from the summit of Chno climb up to the Aonach Mor/Beag Dearg was both stunning and running in the hills plateau. disturbing. None of the hills were in the right place. Compass out, face the right for about 23-24 From this point on, I was on terra direction, that‘s better. Now properly nova…….. We had a good run on an orientated I started flying along and undulating and rocky ridge to Stob caught Dan on the steep climb up hours was a concept Choire Claurigh, the highest of the Grey Beinn na Lap just before darkness set Corries. Things were going well. I was in. feeling strong and I was keeping myself I'd not fully come to well fed and watered. The route across …... Dawn broke as we summitted to Stob Ban was simple enough, or Sgurr Eilde Mor but I hardly noticed. It terms with‖. least it would have been had we known was getting tough again and I was in to avoid the bouldery scree on the survival mode. The route up Binnean direct line. As I tentatively scrabbled Beag was an out and back, so we across the rocks on all fours, Dan gleefully ditched our sacks at the skipped off into the distance. In bottom. After a quick up and down we contrast, the drop down off Stob Ban headed across the col to Beinn Mor. was quite runnable but Stob Coire Realising that for the first time in many Easain loomed large in front of us. hours I was in front of Dan, I looked Wiping the sweat off my brow I could back to see how he was. He looked feel that I was burning up, a sign that grim, face white and eyes black. I the good times were over and my body suggested a route up through the steep was about to go on strike. I can't bare rock that protected the summit. remember much about the hour long Eventually we got to the top but I must slog up through the heather, other than have been really suffering because being overcome with despair at having there‘s just a void in my memory for the to continue any further. Dan was next section. I remember it was rocky waiting for me at the top. I grunted ―I‘m coming off Na Grugaichean. The ridge finished‖ and told him to go on ahead. along to An Gearanach is surprisingly He seemed a little reluctant but I waved (h)airy so I played it safe. I met Dan him on, there was no point in us both coming the other way having reached failing to get round in sub-24hrs. the summit. I don't think we said much, both now locked in our own personal OK, so now what to do? I knew there battle to keep going. was train from Tulloch at about 2125. But did I really want to quit already? …….I looked up at Stob Coire a' No. I made a deal with myself; as long Chairn. By the time I got up there Dan ISSUE NO 12 Page 21 was out of sight. I forced down yet had had a new lease of life and shot past another gel, fighting the gag reflex that me, now on track for a sub 24 round. now accompanied passage of anything Good man. I plodded on, more wary of into my stomach. I followed it with about falling or getting lost than not making it half of the 500ml of water I'd been back in time. It was 10.30am so I had carrying. Somewhere on Am Bodach I one and a half hours to cover the last got caught by one of the other 3km. I started running as fast as I could. ―Up Stob Ban‖. contenders and his support runner. I felt I just wanted to get it finished. Twenty a surge of adrenaline and went for it. On minutes of teeth grinding later, I joined How are we doing Stob Choire a'Mhail I had to make a the road and the Youth Hostel came into decision: could I dump my sack and do sight. People I didn't know were an out and back on the Devil's ridge or cheering, bagpipes started up, I saw for time? ―We've lost drop to the west of the ridge after Sgurr Charlie Ramsay, it was getting very a' Mhaim? I ran on for a bit. Then I surreal so I focussed on the phone box. a bit but I think dropped the sack, decision made. The As I put my hand against the door of the Devil's ridge didn't seem nearly so (h)airy box and I was pleased to see Dan, he as the ridge between the two 'Ans'. Then had the official watch. ―What time is it?‖. we're OK‖. How are all of a sudden Dan came running He hesitated for a second ―Ten fifty. So towards me. Do we come back along the you're time is, err, twenty two hours and you doing? ―Not ridge? ―I think so‖. Why didn't you dump fifty minutes‖. your sack? ―Dunno, I wasn't sure what the route was‖. Where do we go next? In the minutes after finishing, I remember great. You?‖. ―Not ―Up Stob Ban‖. How are we doing for thinking ―Crikey, that was hard‖. Several time? ―We've lost a bit but I think we're weeks later, now that‘s sunk in, my great‖. Then we OK‖. How are you doing? ―Not great. opinion hasn‘t changed. There‘s no easy You?‖. ―Not great‖. Then we carried on in way to get round 24 big hills in 24 hours. our opposite directions. But I‘m really happy I gave it a shot. carried on in our Thanks to Dan for letting me tag along ……I reached the summit of the last hill, and Jon for taking in food to Loch Eilde opposite directions.‖ Mullach nan Coirean at 9.34am. I had Mor and looking after us after the finish. well over 2 hours to drop down into Glen Nevis and get to the Youth Hostel. My Abridged version of longer article for biggest worry now was getting lost. I SHR Journal (printed here first!) by Al heard voices behind, the other contender Anthony STILL LAME

(A brief history of the origin of Ochi Shower Scene One Hill Runners by Victor Kelly) It all began in the Autumn of 1991, when Jack and Victor happened to ―All memoir is prostitution‖. Julian meet in the showers of the changing Assange 2011. …………WHIT? rooms at Stirling University. Jack and Victor were well known to each other, having competed against one another Jack and Victor….co-founders of Ochil in hill-races the length and breadth of Hill Runners Scotland for several years. The early As we are about to celebrate the 20th conversation went as follows. anniversary of Ochil Hill Runners Jack: ―Hi Victor….how you (OHR) it seems appropriate to look doin?...... still running?‖ back at the humble origins of the club. Victor: ―Aye ah ahm, Jack‖ Some names have been changed to Jack: ―Ah didnae see you racing at protect the innocent but the most up to the Meikle Binns last week. date pictures of the two main Victor: ―Naw..you widnae….you protagonists concerned with the were more likely to have seen me foundation of OHR are shown above. at Oddbins, though. Ah wis injured‖. For the purposes of this narrative we‘ll Jack: ―Whit wiz the problem…like‖ refer to them as Jack McCraw and Victor:‖It wiz my knee‖ Victor Kelly. Jack:‖ Whit treatment did you give it? Victor: ―Och a strapped a couple of Page 22 COLOUR PURPLE

chilled lagers tae it.‖ against San Marino. At the time of Jack: ―You‘ve not had much luck with writing Scotland are just about to go into the injuries, have you?‖ a similar 2 match ―must win‖ situation Victor: ―Naw ah even tried to take against Liechtenstein and then Spain in oot Injury Insurance but it wiz nae a bid to qualify for the European use.‖ Championships next year. Again, just Jack: ―Whit dae you mean nae use?‖ like in 1991, Scotland is competing in the Victor: ―The doacter said I had a pre- Rugby World Cup. This time it‘s in New existing condition‖ Zealand. Alas as I write, the Scotland Jack: ―Pre-existing condition?..What team have just lost to England and have do you mean like?‖ been eliminated from the competition. Victor: ―He said I was a moron. That This is particularly disappointing as I was anybody that thought throwing looking forward to seeing the Scotland themselves down hillsides for fun teams‘ motivational ritual when they was crazy. Mind you…. he did say came up against the All-Blacks. that running would add years to my Apparently they had been rehearsing a life. He was right ….Ah feel aboot routine of their own in opposition to the ten years older already. Anyway New Zealanders ‗Haka‘. They were Jack I‘m back in training again and planning to chant ―You lookin at me I‘ve just been out on Dumyat for a Jimmy‖ in unison before smashing Irn ―Jack: ―Before you go run before watching the big game Bru bottles over the oppositions heads. tonight. Ah‘m goin tae watch it England is still in the competition despite drying yourself dae ye upstairs in the Gannochy….might Jonny Wilkinson missing more penalties even grab some food while ahm than the England football team. About ken there‘s still some there.‖ the same time in 1991 the football Jack: ―That sounds like a great idea authorities in the United States were muck oan yer legs.‖ …..mind if ah join ye?‖ complaining vociferously to FIFA about Victor: ―Naw, not at all….great….the having to play Trinidad AND Tobago on Victor:‖Aye….Och it more the merrier‖ the same day in their equivalent Jack: ―Before you go drying yourself qualifying group, disnae matter it‘ll all dae ye ken there‘s still some muck oan yer legs.‖ Anyway, I digress. Realising the come off oan the Victor:‖Aye….Och it disnae matter importance of re-hydration for runners, sheets.‖ it‘ll all come off oan the sheets.‖ Jack and Victor adjourned to the Gannochy bar and became totally In my defence I would like to emphasize absorbed in the Scotland versus San that the Gannochy showers at that time Marino match. So much so, that in their had all the oomph of Barbie‘s watering excitement they totally forgot about can. They haven‘t improved very much eating and quaffed several pints of beer today as many OHR members will instead. As the final whistle went Jack testify. By contrast the newer tennis and Victor leapt up cheering along with centre showers, just fifty metres away, everybody else in the bar to celebrate have been cloned from a system used Scotland crushing the mighty San by the South Korean riot police and are Marino by 3 goals to 2 at Hampden. likely to thrash you against the wall tiles Fantastic …..Scotland‘s two wins in the with their violent torrent. Anyway I last four days had placed them in a great digress, but if you‘re reading this Kate I position to qualify for the forthcoming did go back in and wash my legs again. European Championships. Jack: ―Great. Better than sex…eh? At that time the Gannochy pavilion at Victor:‖ Aye….and we goat this twice Stirling University had a bar immediately a week.‖ above the showers and changing facilities. The astute readers amongst us Several more pints were consumed will realise that there are several afterwards and the conversation came similarities, particularly from a sports back around to running. At one point perspective, between circumstances in Jack announced ―I think we should start Scotland then and now. For instance on a club‖. Whether it was the general the evening of Jack and Victors seminal clamour in the bar as punters continued meeting in the Gannochy, Scotland were to celebrate a famous Scotland win or due to play their second match in 4 days Victor‘s inebriated state, he managed to ISSUE NO 12 Page 23

contrive this as ―let‘s go onto a club‖. accumulated around the edges of the The thought of a few more beers in bottle was a rich source of Stirling‘s Le Clique (before the days of electrolytes. At that time almost Dusk and The Fubar) night spot everything I needed to get through life appealed to him. Suffice to say that would fit into a bum-bag, and I can the next couple of hours are lost in the remember spending more time mists of time and neither Jack nor researching a new heart rate monitor Victor has any solid recollection of the than I did a car purchase. A family rest of the evening‘s events. It is worth member (who goes unnamed) gave noting that that a night out was much me these ‗special slippers‘ one Xmas. less expensive in those days. For They said that I had ‗Hobbits feet‘. I example you could get a taxi into didn‘t think that having a couple of Stirling, have twelve pints of lager, a broken toenails and misshapen feet curry, go and watch The Beatles live was all that bad. in concert on the way home and still have change of a fiver. Victor‟s „Special Slippers‟

However, over the next couple of As the autumn moved into winter we months Jack worked solidly to get could be regularly spotted running up OHR underway. Within a very short and down and around Dumyat using ―They said that I time club membership rose steadily to our head torches. The head-torches of fifteen local worthies. Sadly some of the day were not very efficient. In fact them are still with us today. Before I have seen more luminous fireflies. had ‗Hobbits feet‘. I long we were training on Dumyat so By contrast the current head torches often that peeing into a toilet seemed are so bright that they are a hazard for didn‘t think that weird. I should explain that peeing is a the pilots of jet aircraft. fact of life for the hill-runner, since their aim (no pun intended) is to drink And so under Jack‘s tutelage OHR having a couple of enough fluids to be urinating once or went from strength to strength. Mind twice an hour. You become so you we had good Teachers in those broken toenails and accustomed to finding semi-private days. We also had good Whyte and places to pee that you become totally Mackays, Grouse and Bells. But we immune to any embarrassment. In had really good Teachers. misshapen feet was contrast, I remember my first ever day at work and how I found myself With our new found training regime, all that bad.‖ standing at the urinal next to the ―high the injuries accumulated. Most heid yin‖ professor unable to produce runners of a certain age will remember even a drip to safe my life. As my either Jack or Victor extolling the boss continued to nonchalantly chat virtues of some cream or other that about his research and students and was rubbed on to the offending body University life we both became aware part as being a panacea for all running of the acute lack of any sound of fluid ailments. If the scientists of today ringing against porcelain emanating were to analyse these unguents they from my direction. I‘ve always thought would all be declared as being the he was saying to himself, ―What sort same compound. Deep Heat. Every of eejit have we employed that goes to club member would have at least one a urinal and just stands there?‖ tube of this in his/her kitbag. However, after embarking on our new Nowadays Deep Heat is only used by found training regime I could have wee hoodied neds in housing estates peed on national television without such as Chateau du Lait (Used to be any embarrassment. I‘m sure this is known as Castlemilk until Glasgow how Paula Radcliffe‘s pit-stop regime had a spell of being the city of originated. Going for a ‗Viv‘ (see culture). Whenever you hear on radio footnote) is something best left to the or television that ―..Police in Glasgow Victor‘s ‗Special Slippers‘ imagination for the time being. have intercepted a batch of drugs with a street value of…‖ you can be sure I can also remember thinking that it that this is a batch of Deep Heat that was normal to drink out of a water wee neds in hoodies up back closes bottle at the dinner table, and even would have been snorting, sniffing or thought that the green mould that rubbing on their crotches in order to Page 24 COLOUR PURPLE

―get a buzz‖. What aboot you? If you‘ve been in the gym it usually means you‘re Since those early days some OHR injured‖ members have gone on to complete Jack: ― Aye it‘s a meniscus injury to episodic feats of human strength, my anterior cruciate including the Bob Graham and Joss ligament….giving me a bit of Naylor rounds, and one hundred pattellofemoral pain‖ Dumyats in a calendar year. The club Victor:‖Aye I hate it when I get can also boast of member Angela that……..been suffering from a wee Mudge‘s achievements as a former bit of chondromalacia patellae World Champion and as a recently maself…….‖ ―Over the course of a published author. However the achievements of one group of club And so Jack and Victor continued in members at a club ‗training weekend‘ in their now more enlightened dialogue for long evening 6 club Wasdale must rank as one of the some time. Suffice to say that this more greatest. Over the course of a long recent meeting did not conclude in a members successfully evening 6 club members successfully night club in Stirling. After all you could drank the Woolpack Inn‘s complete imagine the bouncers outside Dusk or supply of Cumberland Ale. Or the Fubars‘ discussion along the lines drank the Woolpack ‗Cumbernauld Ale‘ as it became known of ―Whit‘s this coming...... is it the Two as the evening progressed. The Ronnies?‖ Inn‘s complete supply of aforementioned hostelry has subsequently built a microbrewery in So anyway…It‘s Goodnight from the pub grounds to guard against future me….and it‘s Goodnight from him. Cumberland Ale. Or border incursions. Footnote: „Going for a Viv‟ - An OHR ‗Cumbernauld Ale‘ as it Shower Scene 2. Circa colloquial term named after a club September 2011 member who is so relaxed about performing his bodily functions that he became known as the As we step forward to the present time, has no qualms about doing Jack and Victor again happen to meet his….ahem…number twos in public. evening progressed.‖ in the Gannochy showers. Jack is still very fit and regularly embarks on speed training work, hill reps and fartleks. Victor is still in shape. Round is a shape isn‘t it? As Victor‘s running miles decrease and his man-boobs increase he gets more time to appreciate the scenery, and race marshals are always very pleased to see him. It means they can go home now. The sound of both Jack and Victor‘s voices are also immediately recognisable to every physiotherapist‘s receptionist within a thirty mile radius. The reason might be as Victor suggests, ―The last time he told me I could start running again I told him I felt like kissing him‖.

Jack: ―Hi Victor….how you doin? I passed you in the gym earlier….you had a fair sweat goin. Victor: ―Ah wisnae so much sweating …it was ma fat cells greeting.‖ Jack:‖Are you still running? Victor: ―Aye it‘s the only chance I get to hear heavy breathing these days. I‘m running mostly in the morning before my body wakes up and realises what‘s happening to it. ISSUE NO 12 Page 25

123 CLUB MEMBERS SINCE 1991

Colin Abercrombie Charles Coull Jason Inman Lewis Millar Matt Seccombe

Mary Abercrombie Viv Crampton Ewan Jack Billy Mitchell Stuart Simpson

Douglas Allan Richie Cunningham Kirsten Jeuck Martin Monckton Malcolm Smith Alistair Anthony Eddie Dealtry Karen Kealey Niamh Mooney Jack Stephen Bob Balding Aileen Dewar Frank Kelly Angela Mudge Jamie Stevenson

Grant Baxter Brian Dickson Fiona Kelsall Roddy Munro John Stevenson

Katy Baxter Andrew Donaldson Deborah Kilpatrick Alan Murray Paul Taylor John Bowers David Drewette Alex King Dave Murray Simon Templeman Steve Briggs Dave Duncan Simon Kuz Steve Murray Andrew Turnbull Tracy Brindley Neil Dyson Ewan Lardner William Nairn Craig Walker Craig Brown Dave Eiser Hamish Lean Lesley Paterson Bob Watkinson Matt Browne Paul Fettes Nick Leslie Alastair Pkeiss Robin Watson Gareth Bryan-Jones Alayne Finlay Philip Leslie Prasad Prasad Ian Wedlock Catriona Buchanan Pat Fitzpatrick Susan Lindsay Andrea Priestley Nick West

Pete Buchanan Gary Fraser Lisa MacDermid Mark Priestley Paul White Brian Bullen John Gallacher John MacEwan Stephen Reed Gary Wilton Juliette Camburn David Gardiner Euan MacKay John Reeve Bob Wiseman Claire Campbell Andrew Gilmore Ron Martin Jim Reid Sarah Wiseman Isla Campbell Steffen Gorgas Scot Mathieson Kaisa Reinius Bob Worth Sarah Carroll Sandy Grant Niall McAleenan Caspian Richards Anne Cassidy Andy Gray Ron McCraw Stewart Roberston Jonny Clark Rodger Greenaway Jamie McDonald Nigel Roberts Gavin Clarke Bill Holden Sean McFarlane Derek Robertson Richard Collins Bob Hughes Ross McLennan David Roscoe Brad Connor Alan Hunter Mairi Mclntosh Stephan Scheuerl Carina Convery Ross Huston Norry McNeill Dave Scott

...and on to the next 20!... We’re on the Web! www.ochilhillrunners.org.uk