The Newspaper Of Imperial College Union Founded 1949 Play School

The University of London's Institute of Education and students from the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS) have launched the 'London Childcare campaign' in an attempt to persuade universities in London to improve their nursery facilities. Teaching and student unions are being encouraged to lend their support, and motions in favour of the campaign are due to be raised at Imperial College on the 4th of November and the The University of London's Union (ULU) on the 28th of October. The Institute of Education believes that present facilities are inadequate and unaffordable for many students and staff because of the University Grants Committee's unwillingness to allow their funds to be spend on childcare. They also believe that this contravenes the Collegiate council's declaration in December 1984 that 'no regard should be taken of a persons race, FELIX staff members hard at work pasting up this week's issue in the new sex, age, marital status (and) number of children' when office appointing university staff. At present, say the institute, nursery facilities are badly co- ordinated with some being over subscribed whilst others are underused. The facilities at Imperial College provide space for forty- three children from six months to five years old. About one third of Threat To Funding the users are postgraduates, but the fee of £42 a week has meant that this is rarely used by undergraduates Research in universities is under universities for research. the money could not be withdrawn though a grant of £10 per week is another threat. A secret Cabinet The ABRC provides about £500 without 'dramatic consequences', available for a limited number of Committee chaired by Paul million for research development. but has already identified £55 users. The waiting time varies from Channon, Secretary of State for The UGC provides £600 which pays million which is an easy target for two months to over a year in the case Trade and Industry, has been set up for academic salaries, buildings and transfer; the amount of money given of the baby room. to find savings on research overheads. by the UGC to university IC Union President Christine expenditure. The Government is Sir David Phillips, chairman of departments which are successful in Taig is worried that students with concerned that there is insufficient the ABRC and heading another attracting research council giants. children will be deterred from control of the money spent by the inquiry into the UGC supplied The universities will fight studying at universities because of universities. In its review of all money, said a Guardian interview rigorously any attempt to transfer the high charges. She feels, in research and development that they would have to find out money to the research councils as, if particular, that more female programmes by Government what the £600 million pays for and such a transfer occurred, research students could be encouraged to departments, the committee will be how much of it finds its way into the councils might decide to channel enrol at Imperial if the nursery were concentrating on the 'dual support support of programmes which research money to polytechnics less expensive. system' by which the Advisory research councils are also instead of universities. Miss Taig will be issuing a Board for the Research Councils supporting. 'No one knows how the questionnaire on behalf of the child and the Universities Grants £600 million is- spent,' he care campaign at a future date. Committee both channel money to commented. He acknowledged that

Issue 750 Letters FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 2

NEWLY ^\ Indsoc Backs Free Speech OPENED Union Policy And NUS FEUX 750 Upon reaching any milestone the tendency is always to be Delbi retrospective; in this instance, to Brasserie Dear Sir Dear Sir, assess the progress FELIX has made Having read FELIX last week, It was very interesting to note in since it was spawned from the the Industrial Society regrets FELIX last week, a small article in Phoenix in 1949. Accordingly this 134 CROMWELL clashing our Cheese and Wine with which the NUS opposed a proposed weeks issue includes several articles ROAD the UGM. Our event was organised Government bill allowing freedom by former Editors. Two of these in July and at that time we were of speech on British university men were at College in the days of (near to Sainsburys) unaware of the UGM meeting dates. campuses. It struck me as somewhat the Imperial Institute, long before KENSINGTON, SW7 We did not put up the bulk of our hypocritical that the NUS wants to FE1IX had its own Print Unit or posters on the day as a result, but by protect the rights of blacks, gays, Sabbatical Editor. Paradoxically then the damage was done. Jews etc. in the light of the fact that this 750th issue is the first to be Open 12-2.30pm; 6.30pm- The Industrial Society some NUS institutions, notably produced entirely in our new offices 11.30pm dally reccommends to all students of IC Sunderland Polytechnic, have on the northside of Beit Quad that they attend UGM's, as they are banned their Jewish society on the I am still not certain what effect Friendly attentive service In the best way for students to grounds that it is racist! the move of the office will have on an atmosphere ot style and influence Union policy and be Putting the hypocrisy aside for a FELIX in the long term. The site in comfort represented. moment, it is a highly suspect Beit Archway was indeed prime Yours argument that one can somehow one; I hope that being out "of the Fully licensed Paul Basham protect minority groups by way" is not going to deter people Air conditioned censoring information. The NUS from using the office. Looking at the should remember that freedom of staunch support FELIX has had Seating for 110 Dear Ed, speech on campuses would not only from its student staff over the years, Private parties of up to 40 I was interested to read the allow the right-wing M.P.'s they I expect that the paper will continue catered for various comments on the mention to speak, but also all the to flourish.Nevertheless I would Indsoc/UGM clash last Tuesday. minority groups that at present are maintain that FELIX, over the last 10% discount tor IC students Bloody minded? Well, I don't really unable to do so. ten years particularly influential, and staff think so - the date for the 'get- Yours Sincerely, and that the archway site was, at together' was fixed during the last John Ranson (Mech. Eng 2) least in part, responsible for this. Early reservation* advisable academic year, and we had no complaints from ICU before the P.S. If the overweight member of the Credits event. I fully support Christine's Union Exec, wants my legs, he can ^ 01-370 7617 j view, as expressed in her report, and come and cut them off himself. If he the Indsoc committee has agreed to doesn't, I suggest that he spends less Another tough week. Particular comply in future. As Membership time making silly threats and thanks to everyone who helped move SERVICING & REPAIRS Secretary I would like everyone who digging up petty rules, and more the office last weekend, and to all the at missed the get-together to know that time worrying about the ex-Editors who submitted articles. they can still join Indsoc. All our consequences of the hypocritical Many thanks, Dave, Robin, Mike, events are free, and £1.50 sent to me NUS taking over I.C.U. Colin, Martin, Pallab, Dave, Hugh, RICKY'S (cheques made out to ICU/SCC) Pippa, Nigel, Bill, Judith, Chris, with your name and department will Chris, Andy^ Dave, Pete, Pete, GARAGE bring you a membership card by Kamala, Sarah, Diane, Mark, Jane, return of post, and our weekly Liz, Simon, Alex, Ian, Francis, Man newsletter as it is issued. All the best. Tai, Steve and Rosemary. (Personal service guaranteed) Trevor Power 19 QUEENS GATE PLACE Mech Eng 3 FELIX Is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications MEWS Board and is printed by the Imperial College SOUTH KENSINGTON Union Print Unit Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB (Tel 01 589 5111 ext 3515). LONDON S.W.7 Editor, David Jones. Business Manager, Jane Spiegel. Copyright FELIX 1986 ISSN 1040- Tel: 01 581 1589 0711. Calling All Residents FELIX NOTICE All copy submitted to FELIX should be typed or Dear Student, The Student Residence Committee is made up of Wardens, Health written double spaced on single sides of A4. Centre officials and the Chief Surveyor for residences, along with your Copy which is difficult to read will be discarded President and the IC Council representative. This dubious post is my immediately. Please pay particular attention to responsibility. If you have any serious problems or complaints about your hall or student house please let me know -1 might be able to help names. Deadlines for FELIX are as follows; where bureaucracy stands in the way. Anything from the telephone not being mended for four weeks to the building falling down. Small Ads, What's on, Sports Reports and Club My involvement in this line of work started last year with the Southside articles; 1.30pm Monday; security problem, something which still needs a lot of work. Letters, Opinion articles, 1.30pm Tuesday ! I live in 72 Beit New Hostel or contact me in room 318 Geology or Union letter racks. All submissions must bear the author's name; I look forward to helping with your problems. For letters these can be withheld in certain Yours, circumstances, but only by arrangement with Ian Howgate the Editor. Names need not be published with P.S. Any suggestions on improving the halls would also be gladly heard small ads, etc. News Kitchen Blues Aphrodisiac Teas

Residents of Tizard Hall have bedrooms. This plan was rejected by written to the Managing Surveyor of the Tizard and Selkirk committees Residences, Mr Peter'Hallworth, because of the disruption involved complaining about the kitchen and because they felt that the arrangements in the Hall. They are kitchens would be noisy and smelly. concerned that no improvements Falmouth Keough Hall, however, have been made since September elected to introduce the staircase 1985. kitchens. Members of Tizard and Last year it was decided that the Selkirk committees have suggested laundry rooms of Tizard and that Mr Hallworth is waiting for the Selkirk Halls would be converted to residents to be persuaded by the kitchens in order to reduce the success of the Falmout Keogh conjestion in their existing facilities. facilities. The Tizard committee still Mr Hallworth had originally rejects this idea as it would involve intended to convert bedrooms on either turning students out of their each staircase into kitchens and to rooms or delaying the kitchens for convert the existing kitchens into another year. Broken Famine Talk Window Students from Richmond College Mary Wright, a field worker for have been banned from using IC Third World First spoke on 'The Union rooms following rowdy true causes of famine' at their behaviour in the Union Lounge. meeting last Friday. Mrs Wright The College, which is for American explained that exploitation of good and other overseas students, had soil for the growth of cash crops, such as tea, by multinationals was booked the room for a "Hawaiian The Union Snack Bar Manager At present the tea is only sold at pushing peasants out onto more Beach Party" last Friday. Several Norman Jardine has introduced a lunch times. Four flavours are marginal land. She commented that complaints were received about new range of 'aphrosdisiac teas'. available with more on the way, overpopulation was not such a large noise, including one from Dr "Ordinary tea is slow suicide", 'orange dazzler' being the most problem as it had been made out to Finlay, the Warden of Beit Hall, explained a very laid back customer, sought after. Norman can vouch for be and that Third World countries which resulted in the party being his eyes still dilating from a cup of the tea's aphrodisiac qualities from could feed themselves if they were closed half an hour early. .'orange dazzler'. his own personal experience. "Since "The students brought in a lot of allowed to control their own In an exclusive FELIX interview, I started drinking it I've been up all alcohol and left a great deal of resources. "For a subject as Norman pointed out that he had the time", he said. mess," said Deputy President, important as this, it was always wanted to introduce unusual Jackie Pierce, adding that the bar dissapointing that the meeting was teas, but has only recently found a staff were considering closing the so poorly publicised and attended", reasonably priced supplier. He More bar because of their drunken said one observer. reckons that the novel teas will behaviour. prove very popular, especially after Sabbaticals Later in the evening one of the the recent articles in the Guardian students threw a bottle through a University and Standard which extolled their window in Biochemistry, and more virtues. On The Way disturbance was caused when they were left waiting in Beit Quad for Funding A working party has been set up to three-quarters of an hour when one consider increasing the number of of their coaches failed to arrive on The Committee of Vice-Chancellors sabbatical posts. In her report to time. and Principals is urging the council on Monday, Union Deputy The cost of replacing the window government to act to halt the decline in universities' funding. The Video Art President Jackie 'Pence suggested of £30 will be taken from Richmond that five full-time officers were College's deposit. committee is also pressing for higher salaries for academics "We realise needed now that the Union Snack that we can't mean competitive Bar and Union Bar are under Union salaries, but we mean a reasonable The University of London's control. salary", they stated. Professor interactive video network 'Live-net' Maurice Shock, chairman of the was unveiled on Monday at a committee, said that funding of demonstration in the Sherfield universities would drop by one- Building. It was hoped that the third in this decade if nothing was system, a prototype of a British Rector's Wife done. As a result not only is the Telecom design, will be fully education of prospective students operational by October 1987, Opens Lift threatened but also the future of enabling intercollegiate seminars Britain's basic research-a main and conferences to take place. Mrs Eric Ash, the Rector's wife, purpose of the universities. Prof The network allows simultaneous opened a new passenger lift in Shock warned that in the end "the audio visual communication on a Biochemistry last Friday. This lift medical schools which underpin the maximum of four channels so that replaces the old paternoster system health service will slowly decay." five way conversations can take of continually moving platforms, on Salary increase and resturing the place 'over the television'. At the which a man was killed last year. academic profession would cost moment Imperial College, Senate The lift installation was carried out £170 million, while stablising House and University College have by E R S Lift and Elevators Ltd university funding at 1986/87 levels links to the network, and King's and under the supervision of Mr John would require a further £80-130 Queen Mary Colleges are due to be James who is the Electrical Engineer million. connected by the end of November. at IC. Sabbaticals FELIX Friday October 17th 1986 4

Union Cards Grabbed looking for Royal College of The past week in the office has been should abide by, for example, the e.g. grant campaigns, accomm- Science full of horrible non-stop queries views and ideas they should take to odation, etc; 2) one place on the about parking permits, gym College, the way they should spend Union House Committee which Association bookings and Union cards. Parking money, and action they should take allocates money for the upkeep of permits and bookings have now on internal and external affairs. the Union Building and other Union Careers Forum been distributed, if you feel you've Minutes of this meeting will be rooms; 3) two places on the College missed out we're sorry, it's a difficult posted publicly in a week or so. radiation safety committee, which task trying to allocate scarce One of the issues raised at Council deals with radiation problems October 30th resources like these when there are was that of the Deputy President's throughout the whole college, and hundreds of worthy causes. As for job, which, since the takeover of the 4) one place on the reactor safety 6.30pm in the the union cards, we haven't got any bar and snack bar, has become too committee which, like the reactor, is left because they were stolen. If you much for one person. The workload based at Silwood park. Senior Common need a student card you can still get on Jen, the Union's permanent If anyone has a special interest in a University of London Union card administrator, is also ridiculously any of these fields would like to get Room which will allow you to use facilities large. We are therefore setting up a involved, let me know. Remember here and in other Colleges. 'working party' (though I hate to that the posts of Welfare Officer and An opportunity to meet people Council use the phrase) to decide how the Publicity Officer of the Union are from a broad spectrum of the The council meeting on Monday work should be re-distributed, still vacant; papers are up in the industrial, commercial and night was good in at least two possibly by taking on another Union Building ground floor. To managerial world, able to offer respects; firstly that it was well sabbatical. Anyone interested in the stand, you need a proposer and ten advice on careers and attended and secondly that it was Union re-organisation, whether or seconders; election will take place at prospects. Informal buffet short. Council is the 'managing not you're a Council member or the UGM on 4th November. Any served £2. Cash bar. Contact body' of the Union; consisting of 46 'Officer', can take part see Jackie or questions - come and ask us. the RCSA at room 303 Union Officers, at least one of myself in the Union Office. Finally Sherfield before the 24th whom represents you. If you have Get Involved All the Rockers amongst you get October to book. never heard of council or didn't There are a few places on Union and down to the Union tomorrow...live know you were represented on it, College committees still empty. band (featuring the meanest bass ask your departmental rep- These is 1) one place on the Union player since Norman Jardine), rock resentative about it. External Affairs committee, which disco and cheap booze..see you Council makes decisions which deals with all things relevant to there. the Sabbaticals and other officers students but not specific to Imperial Christine ENGINEERS- PHYSICISTS AND MATHEMATICIANS The World Outside

One of the most important aspects Remember this could be your last of this wonderful democracy thing chance to have a say in the next we're supposed to have is the general election, it affects YOU electoral system. It affects YOU and NOW! CONTROL & ELECTRICAL it ~is important that you should be On another matter concerning sure you have a vote. The next rights, in a few weeks time there will edition of the electoral register for be a week of events in college the country is being compiled at this devoted to publicising and raising COME ON DOWN!/ very moment. The initial deadline money for campaigns against for registering has in fact past but human rights abuse. Although this doesn't mean you will be much of the material you will see excluded. If you live in College Halls will be from political clubs and for and Houses your name should have societies, human rights is essentially been automatically submitted for a non-political issue. Much of the the local constituencies. Also you organisation is done by Amnesty CAREER OPPORTUNITIES IN may well be registered at your home International whose apolitical address as a postal voter, this status is regulated by their CONTROL/ELECTRICAL ENG'G. needn't stop you being registered relationship to organisations such as here as you can choose which the UN. As a prelude to Human with constituency to vote in for national Rights Week, I am producing a elections and you are entitled to special centre section for FELIX FREE BEER & SANDWICHES. votes in both for some local and I would welcome any elections. contributions from people If you are unsure whether you are concerned with particular cases of BY JULIAN AMEY & CHRIS. GARTON. on the new register or not then the denial of human rights or general (IC 80-83) draft version should be available for campaigns in this field. Please try to checking at local council offices spare some time and effort for this at from November 28th. You then special event, there are people out have until December 16th to correct there in the real world dying and any omission. As long as you are suffering repulsive agonies for SHERFIELD BUILDING ANTE ROOM over 18 and a British or Irish citizen whom you may be the only hope. then there is no reason for you to be Mark Cottle omitted from the register (certainly External Affairs MONDAY 21st. OCT. at 6pm. not if you are a student here). Feature FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 5 THE INDEPENDENT

In summary then, the editorial FELIX media watcher Andy Vickers has had a go at every party (including the Alliance) and so reviews the launch of Fleet Street's could easily be called 'independent'. newcomer Two games of badminton in the last four years will not make me a were reluctant to admit that it came candidate for sportsman of the year. Similarly, 2'/ pages of sport out of up to the standard of the 'big three'. 2 None the wiser, I vowed to buy one 32 will not earn a nomination for on Wednesday morning. sports paper of the year. That aside, Having managed to find a copy, the sports coverage was wide and my second objective was to see if it informative. Hardly inspired, but really was independent, so I read the nonetheless interesting. I'll leave it political news. The complete page at that. dedicated to the Tory party The pages of business news were conference seemed a good place to good. News of mergers, prices, start. Party Chairman Norman money markets, profits, unit trusts, Tebbit's speech was quoted in cutbacks and law were good. The summary - no comments, as was City may welcome The Independent Education Secretary Kenneth as an adequate supplement to the Baker's - no comment. Financial Times, and possibly as a The same was true of the orations replacement for The Times. congratulation to Britain for of John Mayor (Minister for Social Finally, my overall opinion of stepping out and staying out of that Security), John Patten (Housing) The Independent is good. Although "club". and Norman Lamont (Treasury). political comments are made So far the editorial has been left of Tuesday 7th October saw the launch Even a tiny item about Avon (though rarely), they are balanced. I centre of the right (?). However, of the first new quality British County Council refusing leave to believe that it will make a worthy under "Fair's Fair Shares" the newspaper since that of FELIX in the allegedly racist teacher, rival to the big three, and will inhabitants of that Mecca of all true 1949. To meet this challenge, Jonathan Savery, for attending the probably become one of the new big capitalists - the city - were labelled as Andrew Vickers set out to give it a conference contained no comments. four. With a three week money back marauding sharks. Predictably on bad review. Here are his findings: OK, fine. I wondered about juice, offer (issue 2, page 26),who could this issue (privatisation), the fail to give it a chance. To its staff I As I was unable to buy a copy of scandal, muck. Was there any? Not Government came off badly. say "Best of luck" The Independent on its firstday , I until I read the centre pages. The watched that evening's news reports title of these pages was "Media" - on T.V. Of the new newspaper's appropriate I suppose, as most of circulation, the following facts were the sordid revelations of the quoted: national press are sensationalised by Twice the size — 1) The launch print run of The Fleet Street anyway. Articles had UlU travel Independent was 600,000. been written on the Wyman-Smith Twice the service 2) This number was sold out by affair and the subsequent lunchtime. commercialisation of Mandy Smith, Call into the new ULU Travel 3) The same run will be used on City Limits magazine, Neil Kinnock the second day and until demand and the "capitalist" press (The office and see how far falls off. Independent is owned by a you can go this winter 4) Target run is 400,000, which consortium of city wizards) and a has been exceeded temporarily. comment (yes - a comment) on Special fares for students 5) This target is lower than the racist advertising. and academics. other three quality papers, whose My conclusion was that these circulation is approximately: centre pages were not quite Worldwide scheduled politically independent - they could flights on quality airlines.

Telegraph 1.1 million have been printed on pink paper. wf i Ski holidays. Guardian 500,000 The next focus of my attention ' Winter breaks around Times 450,000 was the editorial. Under the title ^k. \ I Europe. "The best form of defence", Comments on The Independent Secretary of State George Younger ISIC cards, ISIS from other Fleet Street editors did was warned of the impending insurance, Group rates- little to help me form my own collapse of Conservative defence winter Warmers include — daily opinion. policy. A retreat from the Falkland Clla flights to New York £222 ^tr, Max Hastings of The Telegraph Islands was suggested as the least (^tjP^>*_] Read all about it in your free copy called it "informed but dull". Others unpalatable method of cutting of HOT NEWS expenditure. Although this looks like an attack on government policy, Enquiries and Bookings S E3 it ended by saying that Labour and Europearv01-581 8233 the Alliance defence policies were Intercontinental 01-581 1022 even more unstable. Under the title "Third World ULU travel A service of Follies", phrases like "The irrepressible Mr M Bow", Imperial College "Autocratic stewardship", Sherfield Building "political patronage", "repressive sm states" and "block of non- democratic states" stuck out like TheWorldbeaters sore thumbs. But then the point of this rant was not an attack on the activities of UNESCO and its The world's greatest student travel organisation - getting bigger all the time! leadership, but more a note of GRADUATES Whenyou finally come out ofyour shell, we'll teach you to fly

Rank Xerox Mid Volume Business ing and exciting career future we can Unit is the European design and de- offer. We're a meritocracy - if you're velopment centre for Xerox Corpo- good, you get to the top - we make no ration. The company designs and de- apologies for this attitude, we happen to velops photocopiers for the mid volume believe in it. market. So why not come along and see If you believe in it too, then contact for yourself just what we can offer in the Suzy Johnson at Rank Xerox Mid way of graduate development? We Volume Business Unit, Bessemer Road, know we can open your eyes - a one Welwyn Garden City, Herts AL7 1HE, year development plan designed to tel. 0707 323434. enable you to achieve your career aspirations and to lead you to early We are looking for electrical/electronic responsibility. and mechanical engineers, applied physicists, computer scientists. All It's a programme that teaches the value career opportunities of teamwork, of good human relations, are open to and the art of choosing the best solution both men and from a variety of alternatives, of engi- women. „.*/. neering for cost effectiveness and high reliability, and for understanding the process of design.

It's an interesting programme and one we're sure you can enjoy - naturally it's done partly to benefit us, after all, the sooner you can make a productive contribution, the better. But it will also benefit you by giving you the basis for the challeng

Come and find out how. RANK XEROX MVBU Felix FELIX, Friday October

In celebration of 750 glorious issues of FELIX, we present a selection of ramblings for past editors.

Dave Griffin rolls back the years and finds the English language corrupted by Uncle Sam FELIX Editor 1956/57

As the 750th appearance of the Cat Most confusion I find are the comes and goes, I have, as one of words that mean different things on the early Editors, fallen to each side of the pond—vest is one of pondering on the changes that have them, but a well publicised example. taken place since those dim and Not so purse (meaning the whole distant days of the mid-50s, when handbag, not just the money copy was typed upon manual container), dormitory (the building typewriters and pasted up on where one sleeps, typically what we boards for the Polish photolitho would call a 'hall of residence'), fag printer in Earl's Court that we had and faggot (homosexual)-leading to forbidden to 'correct' the English confusing perhaps less for us over in the copy, even if he was sure it here than for Americans over here in was wrong. the context of cigarettes, public One sort of change that might schools and chopped meat become apparent if one compares concoctions)! Also, you have to be the early issues with the present-sad very careful not to be misunder- to relate, I do not have an example stood if you tell an American to in their condo that they have just 'Brinmore' (for the non-Welsh of either to hand-is the change in keep his pecker up or to ask him to brought not too near a railroad among you, it should be vocabulary. Who would have lend you his rubber! crossing. They coment that their pronounced 'Brin-ma-oor'!) -these known in the 1950s what was meant As a regular visitor to the USA, I realtor was 'real good' (pun?!), and are places in the USA, presumably by 'macho' 'rip off 'go-go"freebies' arrive at Chicago O'Hare airport on point out that the yard had been in a called after the originals over here. 'ID', or would have given 'gay' its a Seven-Forty-Seven airplane, well-cared for state when they had Of course the French must really current meaning. If I'd heard tell of collect my luggage from the carousel moved in. squirm when they hear the places a campus then, I would not have and put it on a cart, then, after I've now ceased to be puzzled at 'Des Plaines' and 'Notre Dame' been sure what it was, but I would immigration and Customs, collect the terminology of classifying pronounced as English words, but have known it was something to do the rented automobile (naturally it undergraduates according to where there is a nod in the Freeh direction with an American University—this will be with no gearshift and will they are in the four(!) years of their with 'Des Moines' which is said to was of course before universities like have an Illinois license plate), throw course of study as freshmen (never rhyme with 'sirloin'; however, anyway it's been a very long time East Anglia were built, each having my luggage in the trunk, check that 'Freshers'), sophomores, juniors since the French heard 'Detroit ' its own 'campus'. Yes, all these there is enough gas in the tank, and seniors or at the system of said as it orginally was (de triot)' words have started life somewhere observe that the windshield is clear assistant, asssociate, and full west of Galway Bay and have since (there are only a couple of decals on professors (where we have lecturers, Then there is the changing stress crossed the Atlantic and made their it) and that the muffler is not blown, readers and professors); the term in words such as adull, where we say home here too. The colonialists back up to come out of the parking faculty (to signify the university adult, and /Moratory have colonised, and are still doing spot and drive off. I get up on the teaching staff) has I think now Also, the subtle changes in the use so. tollway and head north. But it's successfully made the crossing. I am of words, such as using a verb Yet there are many Americanisms slow going since the pavement is still a little confused about transitively where we would use it that have not (yet?) made the under repair, made worse by the semesters-in theory, the two halves intrasitively, like 'protest' they say journey, such as bathroom (for presence of a number of semis in the into which the academic year is 'The students protest the cut in toilet)or raincheck (a promise of the line I'm in. But things soon clear and divided, as compared with our three grants'. As a matter of fact, we too same thing at another time), I can hit 55, the national speed limit. terms, but they seem to have use 'protest' their innocence, but although they are beginning to be Before long I stop at an oasis where I summer session in addition. over there they protest their heard over here—I suppose Dallas visit the bathroom and perhaps grab What takes a bit of getting used to conviction! and Dynasty, not to mention a brat and a soda (but certainly not is the different pronunciation of And the different use of computerspeak, have their any root beer!) several words-not the different abbreviations; chrysanthemums are influences. And others that At Rockford, Illinois I look into 'accent' but a difference within their mums, whereas 'refrigerator' is not probably never will, since there are the Time Museum attached to a framework of sound values as abbreviated-but you often hear it already well-established British motel just off the interstate, and am compared with what we say in our called what it once was: the icebox; English words that offer too much gratified to see among the books in parallel system (is this what the and a cooker is always a stove. competition, one hopes or perhaps the museum shop a couple of titles linguists would call a difference in But I could go on (this is a 750th one should say hopefully (another (on astronomy) by another former phonems as opposed to issue guest corner not a series) OK, one that has been naturalised since FELIX Editor, my contemporary allophones?). Well known ones are suffice to recall what Mark Twain is the '50s): to mind come the well Robin Kerrod. I eventually reach 'tomatoes' (rhyming with 'potatoes' said to have remarked on being told known pairs 'railroad/railway', the beltway of Madison, Wisconsin and 'either' (rhyming with 'ether'), that American was a mere 'elevator/lift' and 'vest/waistcoat', (The beltway is of course a divided but also 'solder', which is aberration of English; 'The King's or the lesser known 'ride/lift' (in the highway, i.e. a highway with a pronounced 'sodder', a herb is an English is not the King's. It is a joint hitchhiking sense), 'raise/rise' (of median) and head for downtown. I 'erb' and 'basil'- is 'base-ill'.In stock company and America owns salaries) and 'faucet/tap' (where might be stopping in a university proper names, 'Elgin' becomes most of the shares'. water comes out) dorm or may be visiting with friends ' Elj in' and 'Brynmawr' is Felix FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 8 A LOAD A Sick University OF CRAP

Mike Llewellyn-Williams You must known that Imperial continued employment of Jack, the (Editor 1974/75) wastes College is a swamp of fear and man who paints people's names on loathing. The year is 1994, the their doors). some ink 1000th issue of FELIX has just No one dares to exchange thudded on your doormat; it is the pleasantries in the corridor, or reply Dear Mr. Editor, beginning of another Friday at the to letters for fear that it will be Yes indeed, I see your problem sick university. thought that they don't have enough only too clearly. Poor you. FELIX Successive administrations by work to do. issue no. 750 on the horizon and application of the principles of Office juniors hope to obtain doodly squat of interest to publish. caring capitalism have eroded state- promotion by writing to the Rector So you've contacted lots of Ex- funded education almost entirely. to tell him that they can do their own editors to bail you out with self- The Science and Engineering job plus that of their boss 'and indulgent drivel that should never Research Council exist to distribute wouldn't it be a good idea to....' The see the light of day. You poor funds from industry now, not from administration responds by miserable bugger. government. The SERC looks for changing the boss's job title, moving Has it never dawned on you that glamorous research fields, him sideways, and giving him ex-Editors of FELIX cannot be overfunds them for a few years, and nothing to do in the hope that he will trusted within half-a-mile of pen by then transfers the funding get fed up and go away. People don't and paper any more? That the elsewhere. Academics are resign or get sacked. They just drift merest sniff of a copy deadline is constantly changing their research away. enough to send them stark staring David Rowe fields to make them appear more Of course most of the power in bonkers? So that they start glamourous. Erstwhile colla- the Sherfield building lies with the repeating themselves? Repeating FELIX Editor 1984/5 borators now take evil pleasure in data processing manager, or themselves? 'principal second secretary with And sometimes they start to think responsibilitiy for information they are two people! (Both of us are systems'. The administration thrives quite adamant about this). on disinformation, half-truths and That's when the exclamation downright lies, most of which are marks start appearing out of the! circulated by electronic means, from blue!. one department to another. The Then the spelling in the artykel data processing department adds to schtartz te dizintergrate two. the fun by 'losing' parts of the data Zo, wee both! feal thatwenthees from time to time. Vast armies of happenz yooshood eggsercize temporary secretaries are then yorritesasaneedittor and! stopthe engaged by the personel department seellysossagefrom! finisheenghis to type all the data in again. senten In a rare stroke of genius the refectory was closed down last year, and a franchise awarded to MacDonald's ('a long established Hugh Southey (Editor family firm with a fine tradition of 1985/86) writes about sponsorship of research in the being a fruitcake artificial food faculty') The old refectory staff have been redeployed on the Star Wars project. Four months ago Dave Jones asked The assistant third secretary me to write something on a topic of (exploitation of American tourists) my choice to celebrate the 750th has had the tunnels under the issue. Sounds easy doesn't it? It isn't College renovated at a cost of £65 though. When you have the million. 'See the tower and the opportunity to write about anything tunnels for an all-in, once-and-for- nothing seems appropriate.Dave all, unrepeatable £25.' suggested that I should write about As the administration has grown being engaged. I am sure most of larger and larger it has been deemed you don't want to be bored by a necessary for more and more of the slushy tribute to your Deputy senior staff to be found flats and President (she is wonderful you accommodation on campus. Pairs know). Anyway those of you who of rooms in Southside have been were here last year when I was knocked into one to make flats for Editor will have read enough boring administrators; the demand for drivel in my editorials so I'll keep it these rooms is so great that there are short. I'd just like to say that I'm interesting plans to build a new hall pleased that FELIX has managed The Senior Assistant sabotaging one another's work. of residence, possibly to be sited on 750 issues. I hope it manages to stay Projects rarely get completed. top of the sports centre in Princes as the most readable publication at Undersecretary for Data Things are not much better in the Gardens. IC for another 750 issues. It is very Processing old Sherfield building either. True, Alarmed by this prophetic vision satisfying to see 4000 copies the administrators are still funded of the future, dear student? No need disappear on Friday morning. by the government but they haven't to be. The teaching of Finally I hope Dave hides this escaped unscathed. undergraduates has been farmed article somewhere so that nobody Job titles are changed nearly out to private contractors at reads it. every week to fit in with the latest Cranfield. Students have no place in Keep the Cat Free buzzwords (and to justify the the sick university. Hugh. IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR HANDS ON YOUR GRANT.

PRESS FOR ACTION.

Nat We st have more f jf^F \ credit your account with £10. branches on or near campus 1 You can be sure that than any other bank. W your money will be right So if you open an account where you want it. with NatWest now, we will NStVvSSt At y°ur fingertips. The Action Bank The 1986 Student package terms apply to those entering full-time further education in 1986 for the first time, and who will be in receipt of an LEA award. Featura FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 10 tragically demonstrated in January again shall I extract the urine from this year when Challenger exploded those Aussies who wear hats with in a spectacular fireball just after dangling corks. In the outback the lift-off, killing the seven astronaut only water lies underground and all A View From crew and grounding the shuttle fleet. the lakes are salt flats. Flies descend It was a salutary reminder, as one murderously on the unprotected commentator put it, 'of the flesh of those foolhardy enough to enduring hostility of space and the venture outside in temperatures up fragility of Man'. Until we come up with a different way of beating The Top gravity, except by high-explosive fire, space flight will continue to be an excessively dangerous occupation. A more recent highlight was by Robin Kerrod (FELIX Editor 1958/59) chasing Halley's comet across the Australian outback. The best views I was editing a paint journal. Two of Halley were to be got in the 'It's Davy Jones on the line. Sounds southern hemisphere, so there was like a sailor to me. Didn't think you years later found me technical editor of a children's encylopedia ('about little choice but to go down-under knew any sailors.' The wife's voice for the once in a lifetime experience. drivels in from the hall. 'Says he's your level' everyone said, and they were right).An d by the decade's end Spending nights under the southern something to do with Felix. Didn't stars was spectacular. The southern think you knew a Felix either. But I was writing science books for children full-time. skies are so much more brilliant you do have funny friends.' than our own, and of course in the This was, you will recall, the Well of course it was our Davy outback there is no such thing as the Apollo Moon landing era. With Jones. Please write something. light pollution that besets ghostly figures kangaroo-hopping Special issue. Short deadline. astronomy in the civilised parts of around the lunar surface; hot- Unctuous flattery. You're one of the the world. rodding it in the 16km/h Moon the oldest. Didn't mean that. Not The Milky Way seems bright too long, not too short. You know buggy; dropping feathers and a hammer to prove Galileo was right; enough to cast a shadow. Halley the sort of thing. Indeed I do. stood out easily to the naked eye as a Strangely Dave phoned almost hitting a golf ball for hundreds of metres. That is when space began to luminous wedge and, comparatively exactly 30 years to the day that I speaking, raced across the sky. started my first term at IC.When take me over. Things astronomical and astronautical began to Strangely enough it was the wildlife City and Guilds still had its Gothic that occasionally upset viewing. Just portals; when the Colcutt Tower permeate my depths like a benevolent alien influence one reads when you'd set up your telescope still had a building; when the and went to tell your friends, the summers were always fine; when about in sci-fi. Come the. '80s and I am dingoes came along and kicked-and grants were 70 quid a term. And of on one occasion peed upon- my to 110°F. Oh, for a titfer with course when FELIX was very young thoroughly space-washed. And it dangling corks. But don't forget to forces me (what a chore) to tripod. And there was one indeed. When enthusiasm colleague, exhausted by a late leave a gap in front. I spoilt reels of substituted for expertise. When it disappear at regular intervals to film because I didn't. particularly fascinating parts of the viewing session, who fell asleep was all cow gum, Indian ink and And then it was off to Bali. Bali, I globe in search of 'stories' and under the stars and woke up at dawn stencils and all-night panics twice a hear you say, what astronomical 'inspiration' and to witness with a female kangaroo snuggled month to get the camera-ready beside him. Well, he was a nice delights await one there? In my case boards down to a little Polish litho significant astronautical and it was Patrick Moore, a delight astronomical events. Two such looking fella! printer down Earls Court way. And The Australian outback astronomical if ever there was one. when we charged 3d (no, not three- events stand out. In spring 1981 And there was an eclipse of the moon due. Could anything match watching a total lunar eclipse, with Halley's comet close by, and sipping Singapore slings with Patrick Moore on a balmy Balinese night? "no such thing as Of course not. We shall not see the the light pollution like of that again. that besets Where to next? Well, there just happens to be a total eclipse of the astronomy in the sun in spring '88, with a path of civilised parts of totality sweeping through Sumatra the world" and the Philippines. Yomping halfway round the globe to see day turn into night for just three minutes forty-five seconds cannot I suppose logically be justified. But it beats eating sausage sandwiches while designing chemical plants in Billingham. Felix, dear Felix. I owe it all to you. Seven hundred and fiftytime s have you escaped from the presses. May you continue to do so until Halley comes round again, and again, and again. dimensional but three old pence) for came the launch of the first space experience was, well, original. We Robin Kerrod, known universally each copy. Yes, we had to pay our shuttle from Kennedy Space Center, went down opal mines in a town which proved an awe-inspiring called Coober Pedy, which makes at IC as 'Killer', edited Felix in way. No sabbaticals and union 1958/9. He is a prolific author (he's subsidies in those days! experience as two test pilot the stage sets from old Westerns seem positively metropolitan. We now on his 95th title) of science, For me FELIX found the parts astronauts rode a totally unproven climbed (obligatory) Ayers Rock, astronomy and space books for other things couldn't reach. It vehicle into the heavens with no hope of escape if anything went which the Aboriginals call Uluru. young people and the general triggered off artistic bents that public. He also runs a small wrong. What could have gone We sauntered in a town called Alice. chemical engineering could not stifle publishing company from his home wrong, all through the subsequent And, like everyone else, barbecued (that is , if you stifle a bent). So by fillet steak. But oh the flies! Never near Salisbury. 1960, following a stint at ICI Paints, 23 missions, was so publicly and Felix FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 1 1

TT>EBrTR0R By Of Juvenal

which he saw crumbling around his ears. But on the bright side, the new Baron, Derek Dash, had promoted John Secretary. He now had the supremely important and responsible task of standing on his head wiggling his legs in the air—which he was doing BEHIND now. At that moment Derek Dash burst CLOSED DOORS into John Secretary's dungeon. In he No. 23: Pallab Ghosh, ran, fresh faced and eager on heat, sporting his new squash kit. Professional Paranoid. "Hi John," said Dash in his cultivated transatlantic accent. Last Sunday two men in Reykjavik "Good afternoon Baron," said John killed peace. So the media said. The Secretary with all the poise and dignity truth is that two business men couldn't his posture would allow." "Do you have work out a deal on how many times any more tasks for me today?", he they need to kill us all. asked. Those at Imperial College, a centre of "Fraid so John me old cheroot," said academic excellence, smugly distance Dash. "I have some important themselves from such hippocrisy. But industrialists visiting from that cess pit now the idea of independent academic A torrid tale of terrible north of Watford. I want to sell them centres of excellence seems as far in the torment. Any resemblance to another part of Cheapskate." past as the Edwardian ideals that persons living or dead is "Yes," said John Secretary excitedly, spawned it. purely coincidental. wiggling his legs in the air. The smart-suited smoothy from industry is now coming to the rescue of They came to Cheapskate on a warm In another part of the kingdom, the ailing universities with his magic cheque rose coloured afternoon. The leaves in new Falix Editor, Rabid Bones, was in a book. And with him comes the big the gardens rustled as if to warn them of particularly bad mood. As well as his compromise. As industry starts getting the bleak winter ahead. usual burdens, Rabid had to cope with its hands on universities it starts She got out of the car, clutching her the loathsome former Falix Editors becoming part of the problem rather books, her cooking pots and her popping into his office to contribute than part of the solution. For what teddy—who had been a friend for so their miserable articles for his industry wants—with share holders many years. anniversary issue. breathing down its neck—is a fast buck. Tearful parents waved her Rabid was a mean son of a bitch. He Thus, inevitably, resources are goodbye—goodbye for the last time to never smiled, he whipped his staff diverted away from blue-sky and the most precious thing in their lives. regularly and kicked a dog to death socially conscious research to areas She sat alone in her room, filled with a once a week. Rabid thought he'd that make the fastest return on outlay. curious mixture of awe, intense become a mean son of a bitch faster Once academic institutions start excitement and a terrible sense of loss. than most of the old Falix Editors becoming fast buck factories the She expected so much from her new because he was far more intelligent atmosphere within them changes. home, her mind hungry, eager to than them, but really it was because Profits take precedence over explore and discover. She sat upright, Falix was rapidly sucking the life out of excellence and an environment like a flower at its moment of perfection. him. devoted to cultivating minds becomes one which turns people into money- Meanwhile in another part of Will the student ever reach the stars?makin g machines. Cheapskate John Secretary, the "But we have to face realities," is the Baron's former right hand man fondly Will John Secretary regain his retort from College administrators, remembered what life was like when old honour? "the money has to come from Baron Weed was around. Then somewhere." Such an attitude is the Cheapskate was the jewel in the Will Rabid ever become a properattitud e of a balance sheet mentality. nation's crown and John Secretary had human being again? Balance sheet mentalities on the been the most powerful and influential University Grants Committee have man in Cheapskate. read the answer to these questions sold academia down the river—or more This most honourable of men, now and many more in the next thrilling precisely, to Reagan's Star Wars effort. grey and withered, no longer had any episode of The Baron of control of this once great kingdom, Cheapskate. The Mole FELIX FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 12

the National Front that their views are repugant to us, denying them a Maggie's Farm platform is both hyprocritical and foolish for a number of reasons. Firsty, there is the forbidden fruit Martin S Taylor (1982-83) discusses pressure groups and problem. If you tell someone that freedom of speech. something is so wicked they mustn't even be allowed to known what it is, One of my favourite political fanatical Moslems, and all sorts of human nature dictates they will try cartoons is by the American artist dubious causes (provided they do it at the earliest opportunity; Ron Cobb. It dates from end of the not advocate violence). remember what you thought of sex Vietnam war, and shows a middle Now I don't subcribe to the belief when you were thirteen? the ages, middle class citizen reading a of these people, but I do agree with Secondly it's important to know IBLUEBELLS newspaper incredulously; 'Christ! Voltaire's famous maxim; I what the National Front stands for, After all the lives we lost giving disapprove of what you say, but I in order to argue effectively against 1 freedom to the South Vietnamese will defend to the death your right to it. To criticise them as a bunch of people all they do with it is criticize say it. Which brings me to the main fascist thugs when you have no President Thieu' point of this article. knowledge of their ideals is to fall The comedian Michael Flanders Last Friday's FELIX included a back on the predigested thing of Sun made a similar joke in his revue At paragraph announcing a new NUS readers. the Drop of a Hat-\ take it everyone campaign. Apparently the NUS Thirdly there is the precedent it here is in favour of freedom of have decided that the National will set. If we deny the National speech-at least, provided it isn't Front is such an enormous evil that Front a platform today, who will we Ho sell out calculated to change our Western we are being asked to prevent them ban tomorrow? Scientologists? way of thought'. and similar right-wing groups from Greens? The SDP? It's very easy to approve of addressing meetings at universities In case anyone has still not taken Ho freedom of speech as long as it will and colleges througthout the my point, let me reaffirm that my be used for causes we approve of. I country. attitude does not spring from a surrender was caught out this way when If this is true, then it is one of most political viewpoint somewhere to reading Amnesty, the journal for the misguided ideas and the NUS has the right of Goering; I am just as Victory to human rights group Amnesty ever proposed, and one IC Union critical, and for the same reason, of International, and, incidentally, one must have nothing to do with- those who pre-emptively remove the miners of the most depressing magazines indeed, this is one of the most publicity for CND meetings. The published. I am an enthusiastic eloquent arguements when put principle is ultimately one of supporter of Amnesty's work, but I forward for not joining the NUS censorship; do you want to delegate . was abashed to read that they (who assert that they present the your thinking to your union (ICU or campaign on behalf of Jehovah's views of the whole student body). NUS) or are you responsible enough Witness, extreme right-wing groups, For while it is admirable to show to decide for yourself?

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I N S T R U M E N T S I zelix FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 13 No More Bets Please

Blackjack is THE -GAME for the dealer. If their total is greater inserted at that point by the dealer. can be employed but I have found, students of science and technology. than the dealer's then they are paid Once the marker has been reached, after several years of playing It combines the subjects of statistics, even money. If their total equals the the final cards to complete the Blackjack, it is not important that computing, extra-sensory dealer's, it is a 'standoff and no round are dealt and then all four one has an accurate card count- perception and personal money is lost or won on that-hand. If decks are shuffled and a player is more a general feel of how the shoe psychology. No matter how many one's total is less than the dealer's offered the chance to cut the decks is progressing (this saves a lot of computers you've got attached to then one has lost. If the dealer busts with another plastic marker. work and improves one's enjoyment your left ankle. No matter how then all players who have not busted Straight after the cut the cards are of the game). Also, hunches play an many yards of computer printout win! placed in the shoe ready for a new important part. If one is in tune with you've read from your personal For readers who intend to write series of games. the cards then profits come quickly, Cray 11 (which is constantly computer Blackjack simulation If you've read this far, you know if one is tired or distracted then analysing Blackjack hands in your programs there are a couple of how to play Blackjack. Now you profit can be difficult to obtain. study bedroom) there is one obscure details that will complete need to know how to win. The path A little bit of ESP and a lot of powerful tip that I can give to all the picture. to fortune lies in knowing when the personal psychology is a bonus, for punters: if you find yourself hitting a If a player splits a pair of aces and odds are in your favour, and also the player must recognise when he's bad losing streak - never chase your is dealt a ten to one or both aces - making the right decsions on tired or losing his sharpness. loss. Tomorrow is always another this is not classed as Blackjack but is whether to stand or draw, It's not too difficult to become a day. In the long term if you play a normal 21. If the dealer gets a depending on the state of the decks. member of a London casino. Simply Blackjack with the percentage in Blackjack then the split bet is lost. The number of high and low visit the casino of your choice (dress your favour - you must come out on A player can double on a hard cards that are left to be dealt is the reasonably smart) and give the top. The aim is to bet high when the two card 9,10 or 11 even after a split key to estimating whether the odds receptionist your particulars. percentage is in your favour and low i.e. if a player splits a pair of eights are in your favour or the dealer's. If Casinos aim to "elect ladies and (or not at all) when the percentage is and is dealt a three to the firstan d a there is a bias towards more high gentlemen of good standing in against you. To be able to judge two to the second 8, he can double cards left then the dealer will bust society". The consider students as when the odds are in your favour it on both hands (an outlay of four more often - and the odds are with potential big money earners and is essential to fully master the rules times his initial stake). If he splits the player. seem to ignore the fact that the of the game. eights and is dealt a 10 to the first 8 If there is a bias towards more majority are carefully making their Four packs of cards are used and and a 3 to the second eight, he can small cards left then the odds are grant last the term. Why not form a these are dealt from a shoe (a box still double his stake on the hand with the dealer. syndicate-even if you don't gamble, that reduces the possibility of a which is hard eleven. A simple method of card the restaurants are very good and 'crooked' dealer manipulating the A Blackjack table is usually made counting is to start your count from the atmosphere is worth deck). Each player bets before up of seven boxes i.e. up to seven zero at a new shoe and add 1 every experiencing. Membership is seeing his two cards dealt face up by players can have individual hands (it time a 2, 3, 4, or 5 is dealt and usually free. If elected to- the the dealer. The dealer also deals one is possible for players to share subtract 1 every time a ten, Jack, Sporting Club you will be able to card face up to herself. boxes). There is a rule that at least Queen or King appears. Divide the gamble 48 hours after registration. As in Pontoon, the object of the two boxes must be active - so if you current total by the approximate Never risk more than you can game is to get a total as near to 21 as are on your own at a Blackjack table number of decks left in the shoe, i.e. afford-and if you do make a profit possible without busting (getting a you will have to play two hands. say there have been 104 cards dealt treat yourself to something total of greater than 21). While a The minimum stake at Blackjack (2 decks) and you have a current special. player's total is under 21, he may is normally £5 but there are tables count of plus eight, the ratio is 8 stand or draw a card. Players can which offer £1 or £3 minimum divided by 2, 4. Suprisingly even a split pairs, i.e. if the first two cards during the early evening (Casinos small positive ratio can swing the dealt to the player are the same then open from 2 pm to 4 am every day odds dramatically in the player's the player can can put in a bet equal except Saturday night when they favour. to his initial stake and play two split close at 2 am - an old tradition to More sophisticated card counting hands. The only restrictions are that allow punters to have time to get a player cannot split pairs of fours, some sleep ready to go to church on fives and tens. If a player splits aces Sunday). then only one more card is dealt to The final and perhaps most each ace. important point of all is that The other option is that a player although four decks of cards are A may double his stake if on the initial available - the last 30 cards in every two cards he is dealt a 'hard' 9,10,11 shoe are "dead". A plastic marker is i.e. say a hard eleven made up oi a six and five. If a player opts to double then he is only dealt one more card. A Blackjack is when the player or dealer gets a two card 21 made up of a ten and an ace. (A ten can be a Jack, Queen or King). If the player is dealt a Blackjack, he receives a bonus of half his stake i.e. if he bet £10, he gets £15 plus his £10 making £25. A player can ask for 'insurance', if he holds a Blackjack and the dealer shows an ace. If a player takes insurance he loses his bonus and gets paid even money. At the end of each round, the by Colin Palmer players who have not bust compare their individual totals with that of (FELIX Editor 1979/80) "SM9jA8y

Les Liasons Dangereuses seems Both Betjeman and Tennyson were destined to be the next fight-for-a- Poet Laureates, and both wrote ticket show in the West End, poesy with rhyme and meter, but continuing in the tradition of its there the resemblance ends. RSC predecessor Les Miserables. Betjeman is a lot more modern and Therefore those who like to be therefore accessible, and writes culturally up-to-date should hastily about more ordinary happening. beat a track to the Ambassadors' He is unashamedly middle-class Box Office as ticket sales are already in both subjects and outlook but can soaring. nevertheless lampoon the snobbish Rightly so; the play by narrow-mindedness of his own Christopher Hampton (of Savages breed in poems such as In fame) is a fine theatrical piece which Westminster Abbey: deals with decadence and 'sexual liberalism' in 18th century France, Gracious Lord, Oh bomb the Germans. being based on a scandalous novel Spare their women for thy sake, of the period by Laclos. The And if that is not too easy performance has style, assurance We will pardon Thy Mistake. and a considerable amount of But gracious Lord, Whate'er shall be, humour, bawdy and otherwise, Don't let anyone bomb me. without amounting to more farce. The acting is strong all round, Many of his poems are concerned Lindsay Duncan and Simon with architecture, and quite a few Matticks bring intelligent polished with women; at school we were all villainy to their two leading convinced he was a Dirty Old Man. characters whilst playing up to the Others are in a kind of gentle, rose- deeper, more psychological side of coloured spectacle mode, like Upper the plays, which runs beneath the Lambourne, about a major race- plot in a manner one might expect horse training village. from modern French cinema. However, one cannot but be Up the ash-tree climbs the ivy, entertained by this thoroughly Up the ivy climbs the sun, unpleasant story of two dissolute With a twenty thousand pattering, aristocrats corrupting a young Has a valley breeze begun. convent girl (Beatie Edney from Feathery ash, neglected elder, Highlander), and the fine details of Shift the shade and make it run. the production- the set, the menacing incidental music and the T.S. Eliot is the most pretentious of choreographed dramatics of the the three writers, more modern in close are all particularly pleasing. style if not in date than Betjeman. Should be seen. A modern play in He believed that poetry had been many senses. made 'too easy' for people to Alex McNeil understand, and to remedy this put into his lots of obscure Greek words and underlying metaphors. When not showing off, his poetry is theatre A extremely lyrical and beautiful; April is the cruellist month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory and desire, stirring Dull roots with spring rain.

Eliot also wrote plays in verse, books one of which, Murder in the Cathedral, is especially lovely. This explores the theme of conflict For those of us, like me, Twhose between temporal and spiritual knowledge of poetry extends to the power (or servitude) enacted in the Faber book of Nursery Ryhmes, Nine murder of Thomas a Beckett. This is Not so Modern Poets or The Oxford a bit like a Greek tragedy in format- Book of Longer Boring Poems, I there is a chorus of the women of decided to examine the works of Canterbury, and all violent doings three poets, all male, all dead, all are separate from the narrative. Western, I'm afraid: Tennyson, When I dipt into the future far as human eye could see; Betjeman and Eliot Saw the Vision of the World and all the wonder that would be- Tennyson was very definitely a T son of the nineteenth Century whose In the Spring a fuller crimson comes upon the robin's breast; poetry went tumity-tumity-tumit- In the Spring the wanton Lapwing gets himself another crest; TS. tumit and rhymed in all the right places. His poems may have a In the Spring a livelier Iris changes to the burnish'd dove; ELIOT slightly depressing effect; he wrote In the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love about death, usually glorious (Charge of the Light Brigade) or the Flash'd all their sabres bare, You know, and do not know, what it is to act or suffer. pangs of despised love (Locksley Flash'd as they turn'd in air, You know and do not know, that action is suffering, Hall), and also tended to prefer Sabring the gunners there, § And suffering action. Neither does the agent suffer romantic themes, like King Arthur, Charging an army, while, Nor the patient act. But both are fixed or the death in battle of Sir Richard All the world wonder'd In an eternal action, an eternal patience. Grenville. In fact it's probably only Plunged in the battery-smoke To which all must consent that it may be willed because we are used to pretentious Right thro' the line they broke; And which all must suffer that they may will it, That the pattern may subsist, that the wheel may turn verse that has no rhyme or rhythm Cossack and Russian - and lines of all different lengths that Reel'd from the sabre-stroke S-rt's. and still Be forever still. Sir Alfred Tennyson's seems dated. Shatter'd and sunder'd. Anyway, here are some samples so Then they rode back, but not, And on that note, goodbye. that you can judge for yourself. Not the six hundred. Sarah Kirk a 3 3 — s-i3 s Reviews

NMA are just some post-punk Town on 2nd November. records power combo though. The tracks "Lovesongs" and "Ballad", and the David and David harmonica of Mark Feltham from 'Boomtown' r A&M records "Nine Below Zero" make this a very New Model Army - The Ghost of varied, though not variable, album. The Davids' boomtown is a Cain Producer Glyn Jones has worked desperate place. A place where the for Led Zepplin, The Who, The cocaine is in the dresser, and you I wasn't sure whether I liked New Rolling Stones, The Clash, Joan pick your own habits (they've got Model Army or not until I heard Armatrading and many more, and plenty to go around). A place full of their new album. I first saw them you can take him as a fair guarantee disillusion, where money makes a when they played at an IC freshers' of rock credibility. succulent sound. So this is do several years ago. At that point This record will certainly get a Hollywood, complete with they were making a noise vote from me as one of the year's top sportscase, cocaine, casual sex and, suspiciously like a heavy rock band ten albums. In fact I'd go along with of course, money. Unlike Ellis' glib best seller 'Less than Zero' which while sitting around with a lot of the press release which says "Britain glorified the L.A. Highlife, this other groups in the rather outdated in the 1980s has for the most part got record paints a colder picture. Even category of "New Wave". Since the music it deserves; bland, signing to EMI in October 1984 over the sparkling new wavish score, unchallenging and unoriginal. this sounds as jaded and streetwise their excellent single "No Rest" has NEW MODEL ARMY are a major taken them beyond the Indie charts, as even Tom Waits at his most part of the opposition." probing. where they have had consistent hits. Mark Cottle With luck "The Ghost of Cain" will 'So welcome to my boomtown' turn them into a big enough success The tunes of 'Boomtown' generally for their controversial ban from the The Rose of Avalanche, avoid the tiresome formulae used by United States to be overcome. Velveteen, some of their contemporaries. A NMA are not the sort of band Fire Records. standard line-up of guitar, bass, who dither around with lyrics and The eagerly awaited second single drums and synth parts that enhance statements. Perhaps it is not so by the Rose? I hadn't heard of The rather than overwhelm, takes up surprising that occasionally they Rose, before, but apparently their through progressions and melodies have a clash with the authorities - previous single made it to the Indie which are remarkably fresh and like the IBA who banned their single top 5. Velveteen is a bouncy little inventive-if a little American. David "Vengeance". At the same time, it is track, with a very sixties guitary feel Baerwald's voice, wrecked by difficult to argue with the to it, not unlike the Velvet cigarettes, Springsteen with a sore uncompromising nature of "Only Underground. Despite one or two throat (to my mind the best way to stupid bastards take heroin" or the well worn tricks, I quite like it. I hear Springsteen), whilst David lyrics of "Western Dream", a song won't rave about it, but I'll play it Rickett the composer mercifully which sounds like a direct attack on again. avoids the temptation of becoming a 'gee-tar' hero in the American the commercial policy of Top of the The Rose will be playing the Pops. Don't get the impression that tradition. I liked it. Town and Country Club, Kentish Pete Wilson "// you can't find satisfaction in ICI you'd be struggling elsewhere"

Ken Moran has held a Chlorine Group. 'In order to variety of jobs in ICI Mond do the job I work with Division's Research and engineers, process Development Department operators, research and since graduating four years development scientists and ago. He describes his time people from the commercial with ICI as 'the best in my side. life. I work with lots of 'I've had a high rate of different people, have change in my life since responsibility and travel the being in ICI. It seems to me world.' if you can't find satisfaction At present Ken is in ICI you'd be struggling responsible for membrane elsewhere.' cell technology in the

ICI are recruiting graduates from all disciplines. You can discuss careers in ICI at the Careers Fair or at the Gloucester Hotel's Courtfield Suite on the 28th October at 6pm. FELIX FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 16

Football: UC 1st XI 2, IC 1st XI 4 IC Firsts Win Silent Victory at Shenley

The ban on away supporters seemed the persistence of Paul Olden were later completed his hat-trick with 15 to have expanded from Luton to rewarded in the secondhalf and they minutes to go. Shenley, as the crowd who met began to dominate the midfield , Praise must go to the already Imperial College's sporting and UC's hard and physical mentioned Coel and Olden, Nigel superstars was, approximately, nil. approach was nonsensed by IC's Colier for his lethal finishing, and Undeterred by the hostile home smart one-touc h passing game. the central defensive partnership of crowd, as well as the hostile Nigel Colier equalised when a Covil and Paul Dyson who were atmospheric conditions, IC were throughball released him and he superb in the second half. confident of a good performance cleverly lobbed the oncoming goal Team: A Allen J West, L Covill, P and result in this, the first match keeper. Paul Olden put the visitor in Dyson, P Ewart, M Porter, D Olden, against non-IC opposition of the front when he tapped in a shot from S Cole, A Lungi (Capt), D Lynne, NSailing, Whitstable: IC vs new seasons. the ever present Nigel Collier. He Collier, sub B Wood. Kent University It seemed, however, that IC were thinking about lazy summer afternoons on the beach as UC went to work, scoring first after 10 Kent University minutes. Reaction was instant, and an IC goal was in the air. After good Sunk work from Simon Cole on the left, the ball was volleyed home by Nigel On Sunday the IC Sailing team set Collier on the edge of the penalty off for the first match of the year. box. IC continued to dominate a We arrived at their sailing club to scrappy and understandably tired find just two team members and five game, but UC regained the lead boats. Not to be deterred we after slack work on the IC right.and suggested two boat team racing with the half-time score stayed at 2-1 to Richard Brinslow and Gareth the home team. David from IC Sailing for Kent. The industry of Simon Coel and The racing went well with IC winning all races despite deteriorating conditions as the tide went out and the water around the buoys got shallower causing a few rudder problems. Football; Harlington: IC I 5, KQC I 1. Rugby, away: IC 1st XV 17, Siege At UCL 1st XV 23 IC 2nd XV 17, UCL 2nd XV 27 Harlington Ladies Rugby: Charing Cross Hospital 4, IC 28 Nine KQC players and three on- loan IC players took on an IC I XI IC Fall Back on a balmy autumn afternoon at The game was played in very hot Harlington. This was the second Ladies' Day At conditions ideal for running rugby. friendly of the season and an IC scored first, a penalty try by important one as IC was to do battle Andy Watson which UCL replied to with KQC in the first league outing Charing Cross after another few minutes. Rob of the season. IC dominated the first Hargrove went over for the firsttr y half but Laurence Covin's Last Sunday was the first game of Charing Cross started the second of the season after a series of close- spectacular, curling free kick was the season for the Ladies' Rugby half strongly and scored soon after support passes, finishing with one the only thing separating the teams team, and for three-quarters of the kick off with a try down the wing. from Andy Watson. UCL at half time. team it was their first game ever. But this recovery was short lived capitalised, but then Robin IC'S attitude to the second half Despite this, IC rose to the challenge and IC managed to beat through Bannister went over on the wing for was hungrier as they laid siege on and ended up with a magnificent 28 five tries in the second half. Tries a try. It was 13-7 to IC at half time. the KQC goal-clinical finishing by points to four win. coming from Noreen Haninton, UCL capitalised after an Bill Mason, Bifron Wood, Dave The game started slowly with Judith Day and Natalie Handler interception of a pass, then Mike Lynne and Nigel Collier brought the players finding their way and again. Well done to everyone for a Anderson scored after a tricky run score to 5-0 KGC beat the off-side gaining confidence to tackle and run great start to the season, especially from the 25 yard line to bring the trap once, 10 minutes from time, out the opposition. Then after 10 all new players including the two scores to 17-13 in IC's favour. UCL and duly brought the full-time score minutes there was a scrum and new centres. Fiona Nicholas and drew level after a long period of to 5-1. IC now go into the UAU scrum half Judith Day released the Jackie Evans. pressure, and then their wing scored Tournament with a very satisfactory ball to fly half Natalie Handler who New players are always welcome a try, which was then converted played 2, won 2. managed to run through and pass in the Ladies' Rugby team, and no making the score 23-17. The match Team: A Allem, J West, P Ewart,the opposition with a series of side experience is necessary but anyone was scrappy as expected for their A Lunghi (Capt), L Covill, B Wood,step B s and swerves to lay down our interested should contact Anne first match of the season, but Mason, P Olden, R Dark, D Lynne, Mfirst try. One more try was scored in Parsons, Mining Geology 3 or prospects for the coming season Collier, Sub M Bradley. the first half. Natalie Handler, Bio Chem 3. look good. Clubs. FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 17 name and I.C.'s good because you like reading science fiction, and it Cross Country Club: Science Fiction end up with four extra letters free of really isn't all ray guns, spaceships charge? Whatever the conscious and chromed robots and all, we reasons, there are doubtless many have a large library from which Wombling Hyena Offal subconcious reasons lurking in the books may be borrowed. This is background explaining why you open every Thursday lunchtime With Hare and Something I have always wondered chose a certain subject. I suspect and is situated on the top floor of the about is what makes people go into that many people in college first Union Building. If you want to read Science and Technology and end came upon the idea of science in the SF cheaply or can't find the book Hounds up in a place like Imperial.ls it the pages of some piece of science- you want in the shops, feel free to love of the large pay cheques that fiction they read as children, and come along and join us. The first race of the season, a graduates receive? (Only if you go that it has not been insignificant in In all our activities though we like friendly with Thames Hare and into accountancy!) Is it the your final choice of career. to enjoy ourselves and there's Hounds was held on Wimbledon pioneering spirit of working on the Whether this is true or a nothing quite like a good all-action Common last Saturday. Despite the edge of human knowledge? (That complete pile of hyena offal, it film for that. Our film shows are how glorious weather and scenery, once certainly doesn't apply here). Or is it serves as a useful introduction to most people get to meet SFSOC again it was only regulars who just a way to get letters after your this description of what SFSOC is and we've got a cracking one lined turned out. We were soundly actually getting up to. We are a very up for Tuesday. Indiana Jones beaten, though it was a very varied club and our members can and the Temple of Doom will enjoyable afternoon with tea cakes get involved to any degree they start at 7 p.m. in Mech Eng 220 on provided until the pubs opened. want. At the very highest end we Tuesday 21st October, entrance Details of future races are on the arrange visits to SF conventions 50p for members and £1.50 for non- noticeboard to the right of the main stairs on the ground floor of the and gatherings, write stories and, members, which includes SFSOC union Building. soon, will produce a magazine. Any membership. It's a fantastic film and submissions would be most I hope to see lots of you there. Till welcome. For those people who still then, share and enjoy! objects you might 'acquire' along Rag the way. For those who participate, there will be a pop concert in the Hammersmith Town Hall held free Collect £200 afterwards with a bar 'til 12.00 midnight, doors opening at 6.30pm, And now to write about the next rag bands on at 8.30pm, with disco. stunt being organised for October Loads of other students from other Industrial the 18th. This is yet another event universities will be attending the traditional to Imperial College, and concert in the evening; people from Bread & Fishes for those monopoly fiends' out Loughborough rag, South Bank there, this is for you! Have you ever rag, Bristol and Birmingham rags, I've heard tell that it is possible to played monopoly? Really played it I so I expect a good turnout from our feed 5000 people on 5 loaves and 3 mean. Using London as the own Imperial College rag. The fish. Couldn't have been easy. The monopoly board, travelling bands playing will be our very own Indsoc 'Get Together' took 160 between the destinations not by bred Blue, Blue Ice who played at the Funeral Party, and also Tri -60 Rugby: IC 'A' Team 52, french loaves, 30 granary loaves, rolling dice but by London 108 lbs of cheese and 140 litres of Transport? That's what Imperial who are semi-professional and a School of Slavonic and wine, provided with the help of College students will be doing in very versatile band. Tickets for Eastern European Studies 7 Sainsbury's. It was of course the teams of 2 to 4, dressed up in non-participants of Monopoly french loaves which caused the original dress and carrying a mascot are available to IC students with trouble. Sainsbury's weren't ready each, on Saturday October 18th. Union cards at 50p each from Brave Defence for the size of our order, despite The idea will be to set off round the Union office, in advance only, so come and buy your being warned, and had to start London to destinations on the As the scoreline suggests, this was a tickets early. fairly one-sided match. However, baking rapidly. This took an extra Monopoly board armed with rag SSEES never stopped trying, and two hours and left us with but one cans, travelcard, set of clues and an This will be the last major rag they got one try after some good hour to prepare the food in College. A to Z. At each destination, a clue stunt before rag week in November, commitment, when the IC pack was It was a mammoth task and no will need to be solved, and there will so support your rag and have loads in their 'let's go for a stroll' mood. mistake, though by the end of the be a live 'community chest', though of fun too. Specific details of Towards the end of the match, the day Indsoc had obtained a we cannot guarantee that we can Monopoly will be appearing soon, pressure was too much for them (42 membership of just over 400, which get you out of 'jail' if you land in so keep your eyes open and enrol points scored after half-time) and makes it all worth it. there. The winning group will when the posters go up! the IC Backs ran some great trys. So now if you have joined Indsoc, receive a camera as prize, points A final re-mention of thanks to all you have to do is come to a few of being awarded for money collected, the participants of Tiddleywinks- our events. The Saatchi and Saatchi number of clues solved, original lets hope Saturday 18th will be yet Speaker Meeting on the 21st (next transport used and any unusual another Rag Success! Tuesday) would be a good one to Badminton, Mixed Ham- start with. It is at lunch-time, RAG TIMETABLE mersmith League Div. 3: IC starting at 12.40 p.m., but you can Friday 17th October Monopoly lost 6:3. get something to eat at the informal SCR 12.45pm Hammersmith Town Hall Concert buffet afterwards. Come along to Allocation of duties etc... . Chem Eng Lt 1 on the day and Distribution of license. Panic In discover advertising. Also next week is the Price Waterhouse Friday 24th October Debrief of Monopoly/Town Hall business game on the Wednesday. Lounge 12.45pm Rag Week events/publicity Hammersmith Get in touch with Trevor Power in Allocation of duties etc.... Our debut in the Hammersmith Mech Eng 3 for more information, Friday 7th November Rag Week Preparations League was also marked by the first but hurry. SCR 12.45pm Advertising distribution blunder of the season. Through If you want to join Indsoc, it costs Final details distribution for Rag some rare miscalculation, the match £1.50, after which all events are free. Week. secretary managed to arrange two Send a cheque made out with your Friday 28th November Rag Week debrief matches on the same night. Needless name & department to Trevor SCR 12.45pm National Rag Conference to say, there was incredible panic Power's pigeon hole (once again) and the club captain and team and he will send your membership Friday 5th December Rag Committee Cheese and Wine captain tried to sort things out. card by return of post. Lounge 12.45pm Discussion of future events. In the other matches IC were Alternatively, join at the speaker National Rag Conference in beaten 6:3. meeting. Loughborough. FELIX FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 18 Gutterpress by S Leaze

I sometimes think that the Kensington home as a 'perk' will Last week's problem Huang, Civ Eng 1, please collect introduction to a gossip column keep suitably experienced outside I forgot to say that I wanted the year your £5 after 1.00pm Monday. The should run something like a candidates in the running for the that the old calenders come from as week before's problem—Room government health warning— job. This will be seen as a great well as the dates of the two Roulette, the solution was:- 'Reading gossip can seriously disappointment to those young birthdays, which made the problem damage your view of reality'. hopefuls already here who dream considerably harder. The most S was in Y's room Unfortunately, there is a twilight about the seat of power and spend recent leap year for which January T was in U's room world of unproveable information all their time edging themselves 1st occured on the same day as it did U was in Z's room that can't pass as news in the great closer to the vital South Corridor on this year is 1964, which was the year V was in W's room and ancient tradition our editor the 5th floor. I was looking for, since one can W was in X's room dreams of upholding. However, if Sadly for some of the desk assume that both people involved X was in S's room there were no worth in 'official dwellers their efforts at ruthless were born before the war. The Y was in V's room rumour' then most of the tabloid efficiency have not made them remaining information gave the two Z was in T's room press would be bankrupt inside a universally popular. One such, dates as 6th January and 3th week. The justification then for renowned for his pomposity to August. The winner was Adrian "Gutterpress" is essentially students, is ex-Student Services economic rather than moral—give officer and current assistant the proles what they want. secretary Michael Arthur. Mr The following people have been S Haeri GMS 2465 Past FELIX gossip columns have Arthur has long been known for granted permits on APPEAL: If J Hutt been especially keen on the emphasising his achievements, your name does not appear, sorry M Jain EMF 488V Jury B113 CTL wonderful College administration while lounging safely behind a desk, we have no permits left. but one achievement he is playing A Kakas B307 NLC who, based in the Sherfield building, S Koide HGX 379V are supposed to keep the place from down is his monumental cock-up of Name Car Registration No the Queens Tower Tourist scheme I Abddlatib C110LYY V Koratzinos PJD 391R falling down around us as we work. N Lawes B275 LPJ this summer. Strangely Michael is Claire Abbott B970 HNP If you were to believe all you read H Abudaka DYS 808T O Lie XOR 163V then you would surmise that what rarely invited to social gatherings R Marsden AUF 339L organised by his ex-workplace, next S Brookhouse A44 KKR we have is more of a combination of W Cheung LUV 328X V Miloseuic A876 CHV door to Weeks hall. In fact he may Dallas and Yes Minister with P Ching D 785 FYP H Momen TYP 410M now have problems in Sherfield College Secretary John Smith as N Cook KHX 972W L Moura BPJ 817Y some sort of hybrid JR Ewing/Sir where he was caught relieving Cribb JCR 188X Z Matta B67 NLF Humphrey figure and the Rector as himself behind a pot plant at a A Crumey Nightline Z Namani A874 XMD an innocently bystanding Minister. leaving party over summer. R Dimant D140 FHY Naylor A950 LPP However the new Rector, Prof Ash, It must be something about A Deuine C975 GBM V Palmer SMU 330Y has caused consternation among Student Services which finally G Fish LGX 391K V Popic Rl 197 143 some traditionalists by actually cracks people, as evidenced by VPP 820M M Pourali-Bazardeh . FOR 769 K attacking Imperial's problems with current boss Don Ferguson. Don is T Fletcher C326 ONV D Royle PMA 792V a strong personal commitment. so strained by his workload that he C183 XTP E Saievar HGT 53T Furthermore Mr Smith has been spends long periods of time asleep A Folefac HGP 926V D Sharpe FLK 354T observed being noticeably more behind the closed door of his office, A Forovzani EBY 747Y M Staffilo Mi 73262 much to the consternation of the M Foustok C448 UGX G Stavrinidis CLT 587Y affable toward students which is F Sutcliffe EBV 354W leading Smith watchers to believe hard pressed counter staff. At least B Fleming WPR 8635 D Fuller VST 19V J P Tabet GGT 998 something 'big' is brewing. he has not suffered the fate of J Whiteman RDD 309R official College pain in the neck and E Gan B698 YYW An interesting development in the G Guimaraes VKN 1185 p Yew 54B 969Y secretary saga is Mr Smith's new Rag Chairman, Man Tai Tseung M Zalaf Bad 2270 who incurred the wrath of some of K Hampez PUC 684R residence, a flat in No 47 Princes E Hickling OOG 849X Gardens. This is one of the houses the temporary staff during the start next to Southside and many people of term accomodation crisis. Man have wondered why it is not being Tai^ who was unsubtle enough to converted into more student have the college Welfare Advisor SOUTHSIDE BAR accommodation. Well, the answer is covered in shaving foam, and who that Mr Smith's time at Imperial will has been described as having "the There is now a regular disco on not continue forever; a year or two is sensitivity of a potato", was locked the unofficial estimate. When John in a cupboard for 15 minutes Fridays between 9pm and Smith leaves it will be very difficult because nobody would talk to him. to find a replacement of a similar Well, it's a cruel world and this is a midnight. calibre, and it is hoped that a South cruel column! On Saturday and Sunday lunchtimes until Christmas there' will be Carlsberg & Fosters on sale at just 50p a pint.

IMPORTANT A Potato NOTICE If you are unsure whether you are on the electoral register you have until December 16th to check and correct any omission Felix FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 1 9

rags attending too, so come Wine Tasting Society . 6.00pm forms of self-defence known. and represent Imperial College Tasting of fine Italian wines Meet IC Union Gym. what's on Rag. £2.00 members, £3 non AP Tech Soc 2.00pm members. Mech Eng Foyer help make Bridge Club .... 6pm to 11pm toys for handicapped. In the Union Concert Hall. MONDAY Orchestra Rehearsal ... 7.00pm Teams tournament no need to bring a partner. Great Hall Motor Club Rally 7.30pm FRIDAY Wind Band 5.45pm ICSF Film 6.30pm Briefing Mech Eng 750 Rehearsal in the Great Hall. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Adm. £1.50 incl. Orchestral Rehearsal. 10.00pm The Queens Tower 10-5.30pm membership or 50p members. Queens's Arms Will be open. Admission 60p. Judo 6.30pm Rag Meeting 12.45pm Union Gym. All welcome Senior Common Room. TUESDAY particularly beginners. Everyone welcome. THURSDAY Opsoc Rehearsal 7.30pm Nutford House Party . 10.30pm In the Music Room, 53 Princes ICCAG New Year Blue, Blue Ice on stage. Doors Gardens for HMS Pinafore and Mass 12.35pm Commemoration Day open 8.00pm Disco by Hans the Zoo Beier. Tickets £1.50. (Brown St, To be celebrated by Bishop No lunch hour concert. Dewit. Venue Chem 231. ICCAG Soup Run 9.30pm W1— off the Edgeware Road). Ski Club 12.45pm Weeks Hall Basement return Ski Club 12.45pm Above Southside Bar Come 11.30pm Above Southside Bar. and sign up for our Christmas Christmas Ski Trip Ski Racing, trip ski racing, recreational SATURDAY Skiing lessons and recreation skiing and skiing lesson. Skiing. Come and find out AP Tech Soc 12.45pm more! WEDNESDAY Janice Owens alert Londoners Human Monopoly 9.30- Broadsailing meeting .. 1.00pm against radio active materials 10.00am Elec Eng 403A. In the Lounge above Stan's Meet CCU Offices to play, and Skiiing Lesson 12.30pm Bar. Bunac Stall.. 12.45pm free concert afterwards. Beginners meet above Spend the summer in America? Mopsoc 1.00pm Southside bar to go to Concert 8.00pm Come to the JCR. At Hammersmith Town Hall, Cheese and Wine party level 8 Hillingdon for lessons. Bring free to Monopoly participants, Common Room Physics gloves, decent socks and thick Judo 6.30pm 50p to students, Tickets from Building Everyone welcome. trousers. Union Gym all welcome particularly beginners. Union Office. Two Bands, Tri- Exploration 1.15pm Wing Chun Club 1.00pm 60; Blue Blue Ice and disco, Through the Limestone Wing Chun Kung Fu is a The Larks 8.00pm bar. Students from Mountains of China by Dr practical street fighting martial Plus Timothy London and Loughborough rag, Bristol rag, Tony Waltham. Read Theatre art. Invented by a buddhist nun Heads on Sticks. Price £2.50 in Manchester and Birmingham Sherfield Building. it is one of the most effective the Concert Hall.

12pm and cheap beer. Doors Competent Jazz/Funk bassist Designed by computer, made small ads open 8.30pm Sat 18 Oct. to join popular college piano by Italians, drunk by Wine Soc Micro Club for anyone drums duo. Cotact Chas Int 6.00pm SCR Tuesday 21 Oct. interested in coming to the 782 or IC Union. Tall dark handsome Italian, BBC Micro user show (Nov 7th-9th), tickets will be well almost tall not particularly dark, and only slightly Welsh. FOR SALE available at £1 each at Micro- PERSONAL Special Guest speaker, Wine Women's 3 speed bicycle. club on Wednesday 22nd The A-team all have big Soc. Very good condition. £35 October (Top Floor of Union bottoms. Contact H Rubin Mech Eng 3. Building). FWAAL why do women in The Ice at Hammersmith their underwear annoy you? Town Hall is this the big one? Ents Hire our disco and Power Amps Pair Quad 50W Are the band raunchy enough lounge £50 only. See Min Res MSc: Is there any per channel mondoloc amps. to handle it? Will they get Glasgow's finest 'Fruits of life among you lot? Broadcast quality, can feed dirty? Will they still talk to Passion' and from Boston, several pairs of speakers at Hello, 'What a physique', their friends? Will their friends USA 'Three Colors' for only rated output. Easy to pre-amp back again? want them to? Go see... from NAD 3020 etc. As new, £1.50 (£1 in adv.) on Thursday boxed, complete with all 16 Oct in the Lounge. necessary leads. £195. Contact Deadline for Human Rights Model of Statue of Liberty Chris Gordon Man Sci 3 on Week articles is Friday A plaster model of the Statue of Liberty (about 747 5081 evens. October 24th one foot high and painted red) was removed If interested in buying ARID from the exhibition level 2 of Sherfield Building. GRE Aptitude Test Guide with LOST Practice Tests and/orBaron's Omega Seasmaster unit This model is an essential part of Keith Waters' GRE Test Preparation series watch gold and black leather Ph.D project and he cannot remake it since all or TES Official Guilds to the band, in metallurgy on work is based on this original piece. GMAT exam contact Tishu Monday Contact C Harris Nanda Chem Eng PG on 4320 5917. Will the person who took the model please prices neg^t. return it so that Keith Waters can complete his Ph.D. WANTED ANNOUNCEMENTS Drummer for four piece If anyone has any information about the model IC Union presents an group must have own drum please contact Dr G. Hargreaves (Tel 3046) or evening of rock music kit. Contact A Haisley or D featuring local band Brown (Comp 2) Pig. Holes Mr Reeves-(The Security Officer. Tel 3371. Stagefright and Rock disco till room 219 Huxley. News FELIX, Friday October 17th 1986 20 Graded Southside Grades Intruder Princess Anne At IC

The University of London has A mysterious intruder has been decided to take the controversial discovered sleeping in the corridor step of revealing final exam marks of IC Radio in Southside, last week. to students from 1st October 1987. The man, who is in his twenties and Currently, the marks are dark skinned with a student-like confidential because the element of appearance, has been loitering in the discretion exercised by examiners in area for about three months, usually assessing degrees may lead to outside Southside shop. Following misunderstandings. Under the Data complaints from the assistants that Protection Act of 1984 the the man had been 'ogling' at them University will be obliged to give persistently, he was asked to move this information to individuals on by Pat, The Southside security within 40 days of being asked, guard. He has not been seen for the provided it is stored on a computer. past few days, but it is uncertain Other universities are considering whether or not his disappearance is using loopholes to keep this permanent. information under wraps. They can do this either by keeping manual files or by destroying all computer records of the marks within 40 days. Sports Hall On Monday Princess Anne visited University), the Rector Professor the college under very tight security Ash and College Secretary John for the official opening of the Smith. A group of 40 students Lobby Science and Technology exhibition. congregated to see her, but were not She was welcomed by Lord Flowers allowed into the JCR whilst she was Fire Damage The Athletic Clubs Council has (Vice Chancellor of London touring the exhibition. decided to lobby the college for a new sports hall to replace the volley Serious damage was caused by a fire ball court in the old Chemistry in the Department of Social and building, which is due for Economic studies in Princes demolition soon. The Volley ball Fallen Chemistry Gardens on Wednesday. The fire court is the only sports hall on the was discovered by a cleaner at South Kensington site. The ACC 6.35am on the second floor of the has recommended several sites for Arches Scholarships building. An estimated £4000 worth the new hall, including the tennis of damage was caused by smoke and courts behind the Southside The decorative canopy at the front The Chemistry Department will be flooding when a firehos e was burnt buildings, in the Chemistry building of the Civil Engineering building introducing a scholarship scheme through. A spokesman for the or over the swimming pool. They has been dismantled for safety for undergraduates taking degrees Humanities Department said that suggest that funds for the project reasons. A spokesman for the in Chemistry, or Chemistry and the fire had probably been started should come from the sales of gravel department explained that there had Biochemistry, next year. Four by a cigarette carelessly discarded by mined from the Harlington Sports been problems with mosaic tiles scholarships, each worth £800 a a student. grounds. becoming dislodged. year, are to be provided by Galaxo Group Research, Johhan Matthey Technology Centre, Minnesota 3M Research, and PPF International. Students will be selected for the award on the basis of their UCCA applications, academic reports, and Exec Protest At Charges their admission interview. Those short-listed will be asked to write a Christine Taig, Hon Sec Dave statement explaining their interest in Colley, Bill Goodwin and Mark one of the sponsoring companies, Cottle. but there will be no obligation to The Natural History and work for the company at the end of Geological museums are to their degrees. introduce compulsory charges from April 1st. The Unions believe that this move will be self defeating because the number of visitors will Very Old be substantially reduced. IC Students union are concerned that students will be discouraged from Dragonfly using the museums to supplement their studies. The most complete specimen of a "It is ironic that the museum is Hawker dragonfly found to date has stating the need for expansion as a just been acquired by the Natural reason for implementing the charges History Museum. The 125 million when they admit that the number of year old insect had a wingspan of visitors will drop by 40%", said IC 85mm and is described by its PCS Chairman William Lindsey. discoverer Ed Jarzembouski as A petition of 25,000 signatures was the Museum Civil Service Unions, The Shadow spokesman for the being the best preserved specimen of handed over to Professor Sir the Association of University ARCS, Mr Norman Buchan, told an early Hawker dragonfly found so Richard Harrison, Chairman of The Teachers (AU T) and the FELIX that the Goverment should far, Mr Jarzembouski, of the Board of Trustees of the British Association of Technical and take the national heritage more Entomology Department at the Museum, at a demonstration Managerial Staff (ASTMS) were seriously, and said that he would be museum found the dragonfly in a against admission charges on present, whilst IC Students Union raising questions on the subject in Weald claypit in Surrey. It is now on Thursday morning. Delegates from was represented by President Westminster. display in the Central Hall.