What is Domestic Abuse? 4. Physical Abuse What can I do?

When most people think of domestic abuse they This can include: pushing, biting, hitting, Recognising you are in an abusive relationship is think of ’battered women’, but there are many punching, slapping, burning, strangling, an important and difficult first step. Relationships different types of domestic abuse and it can affect kicking, using a weapon, throwing things can be complex and, for various reasons, you may anyone, across all walks of life and all sexual and ultimately murder. not feel able to end the relationship at this time. orientations. Below are a few suggestions of what you can do. Everyone who has been the victim of domestic 5. Sexual Abuse abuse will have a different experience. Below is a  Tell a trusted family member or friend what is general list of types of abuse and some This can include: forced, coerced or happening examples: unwanted sexual activity; withholding  Self care - it is important to look after yourself affection to “punish” you; being forced to during difficult times 1. Emotional or Psychological Abuse have sex when you don’t want to.  Do not blame yourself  Call a helpline to talk over your situation. This can include: constant criticism and What is the impact of abuse? Helpline numbers are on the reverse of this undermining and belittling comments; booklet. humiliating or embarrassing you in public or in It is important to remember that every person’s  Plan how you are going to address the problem private; making you feel like you are stupid or experience is different, but below is a list of  Do not provoke or retaliate irrational; lying to you; isolation and controlling how you may feel if you are in an abusive  Seek medical advice for any injuries your actions; checking up on you eg checking relationship. If abuse is escalating take action: your phone, email, mail; harassment; threats  Keep a record of dates and times of any to you, family or your children; blaming you for  Confusion about your feelings or theirs incidents. their behaviour; intimidation.  Sad or frustrated  Get legal advice  Isolated  Report any abuse to the police (call 101, or 2. Verbal abuse  Depressed or anxious in an emergency call 999)  Worried about how your partner will react or  Make safety arrangements eg somewhere to This can include: Continual criticism or feeling on edge go, change telephone numbers, locks, etc negative remarks. Derogatory, sexualised or  Threatened by your partner’s behaviour  Ensure your papers, eg passport, are safe humiliating taunts in private or in public, from  Feeling paralysed: like whatever you do will and in your possession name calling through to foulmouthed abuse. make things worse.  Worried about confronting the behaviour Domestic abuse can happen to anyone 3. Financial Abuse and what might happen if you take action regardless whether they are male or  Scared of ending the relationship or feeling female, and any age, sexuality, disability, This includes: Having to ask for money or guilty about leaving them religion or culture. Remember, domestic account for your spending; obsessive control  Increased anxiety or vigilance abuse is unacceptable and you have the over finances; suddenly being faced with huge  Feeling numb or that you are just “going right to live your life without fear. You are debts you were unaware of. through the motions” not alone and you don’t need to suffer in silence. Help is available for you.

Myths about domestic abuse Where to get help

Ignoring it will make it go away or get Shetland Women’s Aid better www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk If you are abused you may try your best to cope Local No - 01595 692070 (Mon-Fri 9-5) with it, such as being careful what you say and National Helpline - 0800 027 1234 (24/7) when and how you say it; ignoring it; not confronting it; having an “I can handle this” Refuge attitude. This may make life easier in the short www.refuge.org.uk term, but is unlikely to stop the abuse. 0808 2000 247 (24/7) Offers a range of services for women and children It’s my fault I’m being treated like this Abused Men in Scotland Do you Every person has the right to be respected and live without fear of domestic abuse. Remember www.abusedmeninscotland.org that the abuser is solely responsible for their 0808 800 0020 (Mon-Fri 9-4) behaviours and that you are not to blame. Scottish based support for men. need Only women are the victims of domestic Mankind Initiative abuse www.new.mankind.org.uk Domestic abuse happens to men and women. It 01823 334244 (Mon-Fri 10-4) can be very difficult sometimes to acknowledge Helpline for men experiencing domestic abuse support? and discuss experiences, and ask for the support you need. This may be because of shame, pride, Galop (LGBT) fear of being judged, or simply because you don’t www.galop.org.uk/domesticabuse/ know who to turn to or where to look. 0800 999 5428 Support for LGBT people experiencing domestic The abuser cannot help it abuse. Excuses are often given for abusive behaviour: alcohol, stress, mental health or ill health, moods Respect Phoneline or the inability to express feelings. There may be www.respectphoneline.org.uk underlying reasons for the behaviour, but there is 0808 802 4040 (Mon-Fri 9-5) no excuse for one person to treat another in a Confidential helpline offering advice,and support to Domestic Abuse bullying or aggressive manner. help you stop being abusive.

It can be the case though that both the victim and For more information contact: the abuser need support and help. Occupational Health, NHS Shetland, Montfield, Lerwick Tel: 01595 743080

Produced: March 2017 Revision Date: March 2020