Heavy Syllabus August 2020 © 2019 BHK LLC

Heavy Syllabus August 2020 © 2019 BHK LLC. All Rights Reserved. #SmartBrownGirl is a Registered Trademark of BHK LLC. For the Black girls in the forgotten spaces. Bringing together an international community of women of color through reading and dialogue. All SmartBrownGirl® Book Club syllabi and reading guides are curated by a cohort of graduate level #SmartBrownGirl researchers. Your membership and participation in the #SmartBrownGirl Book Club ensures that we can pay all Black women who help run this book club an equitable rate.

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Heavy Syllabus

Author: Bry Reed

Editor: Morgan Holloman-Bryant.

Facebook | Instagram Table of Contents

06 Author History

07 Book History

08 Reading Tips

10 Overview & Motifs

11 The Discussion

25 Final Thoughts

26 Further Reading/Resources Author History

Kiese Laymon is a Black writer born and raised in the American south. His work is informed by his life in Jackson, Mississippi as he chronicles the history and culture of Black southern folks. Laymon attended Millsaps College and Jackson State University before graduating from Oberlin College with a Bachelor’s of Arts. Following his time at Oberlin, Laymon obtained his MFA in fiction from Indiana University. He has written three books, Long Division, How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others, and Heavy: An American Memoir. In addition to his published works, Laymon taught English and Africana Studies at Vassar College before going on to teach Creative Writing at University of Mississippi as the Ottilie Schillig Professor of English and Creative Writing.

6 Book History

Released in 2018, Heavy: An American Memoir is a memoir exploring Laymon’s coming-of-age story amidst the realities of the southern US for Black folk. The narrative dives into poverty, family, sexual violence, and addiction as Laymon uncovers his own secrets, his mother’s fears, and pushes readers to interrogate their own battles. In three parts, Laymon reckons with failure, harm, and violence while leaving room for grace, healing, and growth. The book received critical acclaim, winning the Carnegie Medal for Nonfiction, LA Times Isherwood Prize for Autobiographical Prose, Barnes and Noble Discover Award, and Audible’s Audiobook of the Year in 2018 while also being a finalist for The Kirkus Prize. Heavy was also named one of the Best Books of 2018 by The New York Times, Publishers Weekly, NPR, The Washington Post, Southern Living, Entertainment Weekly, San Francisco Chronicle and The New York Times Critics.

7 READING TIPS Tips for Fresh Readers TIPS FOR RETURNING 1. You do not have to have profound thoughts right away: Everyone reads and digests at a different pace. Take your READERS time in understanding the text but you do not need to dissect it immediately. Make a note of any points that are significant to you and move on. 1. Put the book in context: Times have changed and so have you. Before rereading 2. Set aside 15-20 mins a day to read: Much like power think about who you were, and where you nap — a power read — can energize your reading and were in life the first time you read the book. help you focus. You do not need large chunks of time. Set Think about who was influencing you/your aside 15-20 mins to read a day and make sure you have no thoughts. (School, friends, family, news etc.) distractions during this time.

2. Be Critical: First reads are a time to be 3. Reflect on what you read: a) What were the open-minded and give the author lead themes and/or major events that had taken place in way to understand their thoughts. Second your selected readings? reads you can be much more critical of the work and its intentions. So get on your 4. Take notes: a) Highlight terms, phrases, quotes etc soapbox boo we got some boxes on that may immediately grab your attention reserve too.

5. Build a personal glossary: If you don’t know a word, 3. Focus on Few Chapters at a Time: circle it, get the definition and reread the section in For non-fiction (and some fiction) it’s not context. This may help you come to a new understanding totally necessary to reread the book of the text or discover concepts you didn’t notice before. chronologically from start to finish. Try focusing on themes that you may have 6. Discuss the book: Healthy discussion on what you grazed over the first time around and already know can entice you to read more and that’s what choose a few chapters to lean into at a time. the #SmartBrownGirl Book Club is here for. Join in on our discussions. Post your questions to the Facebook Group.

7. Author Background: When approaching a text that you’re unfamiliar with, it may be beneficial to do some quick background research on the author, as it can help provide insight on what the text may be discussing.

8 Trigger Warning(s): This book is full of Laymon’s lived experiences with abuse, disordered eating, manipulation, misogynoir, and racism.

This book contains several scenes of child sexual violence, disordered eating, and violence between intimate partners. Please be gentle with yourself as you read these sections. Reflect as necessary. Rest as necessary. There are also scenes surrounding eating disorders, anti-fatness, and physical violence. Also, remember you are not reading alone. Smart Brown Girl is a community of readers working through texts together. Overview & Motifs:

Understanding an American memoir:

Evaluate the author’s anecdotes while forming your own opinions, highlighting and note taking when you desire: Consider what would you have done differently in these situations retrospective to them happening (with everything you know now), your thoughts on her actions/beliefs, whether you agree or disagree with her assessments on feminism as relating to that particular situation. Make connections between personal and public events (see the “2018 US Current Events” section below) by recalling the author’s experiences, your own similar ones, relevant news and history. Using the anecdotal material provided, determine whether this aligns with broader historical and sociological concepts you’ve learned/are learning about (see the “Glossary/Themes” section below). Research the following motifs and provide your own empirical evidence to affirm them by journaling/note taking for future live discussions, complex and general book syllabi to come.

Motifs: Fatphobia, Race, Gender, Black Motherhood, Black South, Respectability Politics, Sexual violence, Sexuality, Poverty, Movement/Place

10 The Discussion

BEEN

• Laymon begins the book with an epigraph from Toni Cade Bambara’s The Salt Eaters that reads “...cause wholeness is no trifling matter. A lot of weight when you’re well.” What connotation of “wholeness” do you use in this quote? What “weight” is laymon, drawing on Bambara, referencing? • “Been” is an address to Laymon’s mother about all the language he has finally found the space to name. Laymon is vulnerable and honest about all the lies he wishes this book was, but is not. What comfort is Laymon seeking in telling lies? Is there safety in lying? Consider the following quotes: ‣ “I wanted to write an American memoir. I wanted to write a lie.” (p. 1) ‣ “I wanted to write about how fundamental present black fathers, responsible black mothers, magical black grandmothers, and perfectly disciplined black children are to our liberation.” (p.1) ‣ “I wanted to write a lie. You wanted to read that lie. I wrote this to you instead.” (p. 10) ▾ How does it impact your reading for the narrative to begin with this direct address to Laymon’s mother? Can this address be applied more broadly? If so, then how? • Where does Laymon’s address fit into the cultural narrative surrounding Black mothers and their sons? Consider examples like Basil and Mattie from Women of Brewster Place, Milkman and Ruth from Song of Solomon, and other examples from Black literature and culture. • How did you read the following statement that Laymon shares from his Grandmama?: “I think the men folk forgot,” she said near the end, “that I was somebody’s child.” (p. 7) ‣ What does the word “forgot” allude to in the quote above? • After reading “Been” what are your thoughts regarding truth, lies, and narrative for Black writers?

11 I. BOY MAN The TRAINDiscussion

• Laymon writes, “Unlike us in our rented house, which we shared with thousands of books and two families of rats, Beulah Beauford and her husband owned her house.” (13) ‣ What emotions is Laymon expressing in this sentence? ‣ What is the larger implication of juxtaposing renting versus home ownership? • Laymon uses “name-brand strawberry Pop Tarts” as his gauge for understanding Beauford's wealth on page 13. Consider the following questions below: ‣ What markers do you remember from your own childhood that signaled the haves and the have nots? ‣ How does Laymon go on to contrats Pop-Tarts to the abundance of books in his own home? • Laymon and Dougie are twelve, Layla is fifteen, Daryl and the “big boys” are seventeen. How does Laymon’s recollection about the “rules” and Layla’s vulnerability connect to conversations about children, harm, and violence? ‣ How do the age differences among the children impact their relationship to each other? ‣ What other differences impact the power dynamics and relationship between the children? • Use the following quotes from Laymon to answer the questions below: “Up until that point, I’d never really imagined Layla being in one emergency, much less emergencies. Part of it was Layla was a black girl and I was taught by big boys who were taught by big boys who were taught by big boys that black girls would be okay no matter what we did to them.” (16) ‣ What was your initial reaction to this moment? ‣ How does Laymon’s epiphany relate to the lived experiences of Black girls vulnerability to violence and emergency? ‣ Laymon repeats the phrase “who were taught by big boys” throughout the quote. What is the impact of this repetition? ‣ Intra-community harm is a reality for many Black women and girls. How does the ending of the quote (“no matter what we did to them”) relate to the larger conversation on how Black girls are harmed within the Black community by Black men and boys? • On page 17, Laymon and his friend Dougie are discussing “what running a train was”. Despite their young age, both boys understand that knowing what a “train” is becomes a marker of safety and survival in their social circles. ‣ How does this interaction relate to conversations about sex, sexuality, and power for young Black men? ‣ Laymon holds the three words “running a train” and “I got initiated” as the pillars of Black boyhood in Jackson, MS. What does this moment signify about Black boyhood and masculinity?

12 • Renata is Laymon’s babysitter and trusted to watch him. How does the scene on pages 22 throughThe 24 introduce another conversation about children and sexual violence? Discussion‣ Laymon moves readers through his own experience of sexual violence while also adding details about his relationship with his own body. How did Laymon’s relationship with being fat/fatness impact his perceptions of what happened with Renata? • Laymon writes, “I stood there watching you, feeling a lot about what it meant to be a healthy, safe black boy in Mississippi, and wondering why folk never talked about what was needed to keep black girls healthy and safe.” (p. 27) ‣ How do conversations about Black children and safety continue to ignore Black girls? ‣ Think about your community and the Black children you know. What are two steps you can think of right now to create a healthier, safer environment for Black girls? Write these steps down and think about how you can begin to implement them.

NAN

• What are your favorite words in African American Vernacular English (AAVE)? Think about the ways we come to learn the rules and flow of AAVE. Pick three of your favorite words and think about why they’re your favorites. • Laymon’s mother is a professor with staunch rules about language. ‣ What is your relationship with AAVE and language? ‣ Did you grow up learning the rules of AAVE? Do you continue to speak in AAVE? ‣ Laymon compares his mother’s influence with their lack of material resources throughout the book. How does Laymon make sense of his mother’s job and notoriety amidst his hunger? Consider the following quotes: “You were the only local black political scientist on TV during election season talking about politics. The way you overpronounced your words, defended poor black communities in the face of white resentment, and insisted on correcting everyone whose subjects and verbs didn’t agree made black folk in Jackson think we had plenty of lunch money, gas money, rent money, and light bill money. We didn’t.” (p. 32) • Do you think that visibility gets confused with income/wealth? If so, how does this conflation happen? ‣ Where do we continue to see visibility confused with material conditions? For whom is this detrimental?

13 WET The • HowDiscussion is young Kie feeling about Malachi Hunter at the beginning of this chapter? • In what ways does Laymon’s discomfort show up in his body? • “I stood outside the Nova with my arms folded, covering my belly and my chest. You’d never called me fat. I didn’t think you saw it.” (p. 39) ‣ This is the moment immediately following Laymon’s mother calling him fat for the first time. How does this moment connect to their other conflicts around language? ‣ In what ways is fatphobia harmful for Black children? ‣ In the end Laymon says “I didn’t think you saw it.” Does this last sentence have multiple meanings? • Laymon returns to Beulah Beauford’s house and learns that the “big boys” have not stopped taking girls into the room. Moreover, he sees Delaney and Dougie in Daryl’s bedroom. ‣ In this section Laymon is writing about sexual violence, manipulation, and masculinity. What are your reactions to these heavy subjects? ‣ How do the “big boys” use their power in the Beauford house? • After chasing Delaney out of Beaulah Beauford’s house, Laymon sits and thinks about everything he has seen behind closed doors. Consider the following quotes about Black boyhood, sexuality, and violence: ‣ “My head hurt. I didn’t understand why Delaney thought teaching me ‘Chopsticks’ would make what he did okay, or why Dougie’s hands were behind his back while he was on his knees. I didn’t understand why Delaney seemed so happy to be a part of a train but so scared for me to know what he did with Dougie.” (p. 41) ‣ “A part of me didn’t understand why the big boys wanted to be in rooms along with Dougie and Layla and not me.” (p. 41) ‣ What do you think is happening for young Laymon at this moment? How does this moment handle desire, violence, and fatness/anti-fatness? • Laymon’s recollections give space to the complicated feelings involved in learning about desire and wanting to be desired. How do you define desire? ‣ How did you learn about desire? Do you remember having conversations with your community about desire, love, and loving as a child? ‣ What lessons about desire/love/loving is young Laymon receiving at home and at Beulah Beauford’s house?

14 BE The • Laymon’sDiscussion grandmother has a day job and at least three side hustles. List all the ways she earns a living. ‣ Do you have a side hustle? Think about how the informal economy of side hustles has a long legacy of keeping Black families fed. How does Grandmama’s story give an example of this history? • Laymon notices that the Mumford’s have a washer and dryer in their garage. How does he react to seeing the appliances and talking to the Mumford boy? ‣ “That’s what I felt before I looked at the size of the Mumfords’ garage and saw a closet door open in the corner. I walked toward the room and saw a washer, a dryer, and a scale on the ground.” (p. 51) ‣ Laymon weighs himself and sees he’s 213 pounds. How is Laymon weaving the theme of weight throughout the narrative? • Grandmama says she tells the Mumfords whatever they need to hear to get enough money to feed her family. Does this complicate images of the docile domestic workers? If so, how? • What idea of Jackson, MS does the Mumford boy believe? • What commentary does Laymon include about the Black church? Who is he critical of? • When does Laymon feel comfortable in his body? Has he experienced moments of security in his body thus far in the memoir? • How is Laymon’s relationship with language different when talking with his grandmother? ‣ “Grandmama and I loved talking about words.” (p. 56) ‣ Grandmama comforts Kie about his weight. She says, “Heavy enough for everything you need to be heavy enough for.” (p. 60) What are all the things that we have to be heavy enough for in our lives?

II. BLACK ABUNDANCE

MEAGER

• Did you have a friend like LaThon Simmons? Think back on your childhood and the most adventurous memories. Who was around? What were your favorite activities? • Young Laymon is moved from an all Black middle school to a stricter white catholic school. What was the racial demographic of your middle/high school? How did the racial majority of your school impact your experience? • After getting in trouble at school, Laymon receives the “twice as good” speech from his mother. His response, however, is to question why white folk are the standard. He recalls, “I assumed we were already twice as excellent as the white kids at St. Richard precisely because their library looked like a cathedral and ours was an old trailer on cinder blocks. I thought you should have told me to be twice as excellent as you or Grandmama since y’all were the most excellent people I knew.” (p. 69) How does the “twice as good” speech impact Black folk? Moreover, how does it impact Black children? Draw on Laymon’s recollection and your personal experiences.

15 • After watching Roots, Laymon grapples with the reality that he could sexually assault someoneThe later in life because he is a “lil man” who will grow into a man. As a young boy, Laymon is processingDiscussion realizations about gender, violence, and harm. Do you remember moments in your own childhood when you learned about violence and harm? What movie, book, or experience prompted these thoughts? • At the end of this section, Laymon is grappling with others' reactions to his size. What roles and responsibilities do mentors, friends, and others have in children developing their sense of self?

CONTRACTION

• Laymon and his mother move from Mississippi to Maryland. Where does Maryland fit into your conception of North and South in the United States? • Does the change in setting from Mississippi to Maryland impact your reading? If so, how? • After being pulled over by the police, Laymon wishes he could turn guns to black grits. What is the connection between Laymon’s desire for safety and his relationship with food? • Have you ever wished you had a superpower? If so, what power did you wish for? ‣ How can superpowers connect to resistance? • Throughout the book, Laymon complicates the idea of wealthy Black intellectuals via honest recollections of hunger, poverty, and yearning for more. Before reading did you associateintellectualism/the academy with wealth? If so, how does Laymon’s narrative cause you to re-think your ideas? • In this section we learn about where the “big boys” went and about Laymon’s conversation with Layla later in life. In your personal life, do you keep up with folks from your childhood? How did you react to the fate of the “big boys” and Layla’s move to Memphis (found on page 88)? • At the end of this chapter, Laymon has lost weight, but developed a heart murmur. How does this scene speak to ideas about health, wellness, and obesity?

HULK

• Laymon recalls moments of softness and moments of violence with his mother. To begin this chapter he remembers the feeling of her smacking him across the face with a shoe. Yet, as he exits the car for school his mother is kind and thoughtful. How did you react to these moments of violence interwoven with mothering? Did your own childhood/adolescence feature moments of violence and kindness from family/community? • Consider the following quote: “Even though Abby didn’t really know me, and I didn’t really know her, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I’d heard a lot about big boys cheating on their girlfriends but cheating confused me. I assumed all of those big boys knew sex with someone they loved felt the opposite of gross, the opposite of meager.” (p. 91) ‣ How are desire and love functioning in this quote? How does Abby become a subject/object of Laymon’s desire? What role does his relationship with his body play?

16 • Consider the following quote: “I wanted to talk to him about what my body felt during love and sex, Theand ask him if his body felt anything like mine. I wanted to know if he kept his shirt on whenDiscussion he had sex.” (p. 92) ‣ Laymon is longing for a space to discuss sex with his friend LaThon. Have you had friendships where you speak openly and intimately about love, sex, and pleasure? ‣ How is Laymon’s longing for this conversation also indicative of Black manhood and masculinity? • “I kept my relationship with Abby Claremont a secret because I knew you would beat me if you knew I was having sex with a white girl, but mostly because I didn’t want you to think you’d raise a big black sellout who thought you were ugly.” (p. 93) ‣ What larger conversation about desire and interracial relationships is Laymon alluding to? ▾ Do you make judgments about Black men who partner with white women? Are your judgements based on personal experience, a Black feminist politic, or something else? ▾ Laymon includes details about Kamala into this section. What did Kamala’s inclusion add to the section? • “After the beating, you came to my bedroom. You told me I really needed to think about the difference between loving someone and loving how someone made me feel. You said if I liked how Abby Claremone made me feel, I really needed to ask myself why.” (p. 97) These questions point us to reflection and interrogating desire. Do you reflect on your desires? What steps do you take to reflect on your relationships/past relationships? • At the end of this chapter Laymon names that he was “a liar; a cheater; a manipulator” and “a good dude” (p. 103). Is it possible for people to be liars and good? How is this reflection connected to gender and collective expectations of men?

GUMPTION

• Which people in Laymon’s narrative stick out to you? Do you enjoy Ms. Margaret Walker and Grandmama? Consider which people in the narrative you enjoy. • Laymon’s mother helps him revise his essay on Assata Shakur. How does this connect to earlier reflections on revision and love? How can writing be understood as an act of love? • Consider the following quote from Grandmama: “But the problem is you hurting yourself by trying to let folk know they hurt you.” (p. 114) ‣ Have you ever hurt yourself trying to make your pain public? How did you feel after? ‣ What are some ways we can recover from hurt without further wounding ourselves?

17 • Consider the following quote: “I wanted to talk to him about what my body felt during love and sex, Theand ask him if his body felt anything like mine. I wanted to know if he kept his shirt on whenDiscussion he had sex.” (p. 92) ‣ Laymon is longing for a space to discuss sex with his friend LaThon. Have you had friendships where you speak openly and intimately about love, sex, and pleasure? ‣ How is Laymon’s longing for this conversation also indicative of Black manhood and masculinity? • “I kept my relationship with Abby Claremont a secret because I knew you would beat me if you knew I was having sex with a white girl, but mostly because I didn’t want you to think you’d raise a big black sellout who thought you were ugly.” (p. 93) ‣ What larger conversation about desire and interracial relationships is Laymon alluding to? ▾ Do you make judgments about Black men who partner with white women? Are your judgements based on personal experience, a Black feminist politic, or something else? ▾ Laymon includes details about Kamala into this section. What did Kamala’s inclusion add to the section? • “After the beating, you came to my bedroom. You told me I really needed to think about the difference between loving someone and loving how someone made me feel. You said if I liked how Abby Claremone made me feel, I really needed to ask myself why.” (p. 97) These questions point us to reflection and interrogating desire. Do you reflect on your desires? What steps do you take to reflect on your relationships/past relationships? • At the end of this chapter Laymon names that he was “a liar; a cheater; a manipulator” and “a good dude” (p. 103). Is it possible for people to be liars and good? How is this reflection connected to gender and collective expectations of men?

III. HOME WORKED

FANTASIA

• After his mother boards her flight to Boston, Laymon goes to Waffle House and Dunkin’ Donuts. He writes, “I’d never driven myself to a restaurant.” How is food connected to Laymon’s coming-of-age? (p. 120) ‣ Do you have memories connected to food? What is your relationship with food? ‣ Explore the relationship between food and geography? ‣ How does Laymon being a son of the Black south connect to his writing about food? • Laymon pays homage to Black icons of the south throughout his memoir. He writes, “That meant we were kinfolk of Fannie Lou Hamer, Ida B. Wells, and Medgar Evers. I assumed we were wittier, tougher, and more imaginative than white students, administrators, and faculty because we had to be.” (p. 121) ‣ Who are Black southern historical/cultural figures that influence you to imagine? ‣ How do you pay homage to the legacies of Southern Black folk?

18 • Consider the following quotes: “Nzola told all the girls, in front of the boys, that they had to look outThe for themselves because black women couldn’t count on these white folk ot ‘those niggasDiscussion over there’ to look out for them.” (p. 122) ‣ How much do you agree with Nzola? ‣ In what way(s) does Nzola’s comment connect to Black feminism? ‣ How does your identity impact community building? Do you build community with white folk and Black men? • Millsaps is in the middle of a wealthy white neighborhood and a poor Black neighborhood. Think about institutions of higher education in your community. Are they close by? In what ways do they engage surrounding neighborhoods? • What do you think of Kiese’s relationship/situationship with Nzola? How would you describe the two? • Laymon has a realization after reading Toni Cade Bambara in undergrad. What writer/writers challenged you to read deeper? Which writers continue to challenge you to think critically? • Ray Gunn says antidepressants “made him feel white” (p. 134). How is mental health care tied to whiteness in popular culture?

DISASTER

• Throughout the narrative, Laymon’s weight has been displayed publicly. His coaches, mother, and others react to him when he steps onto the scale. How does this detail impact Laymon’s wellness? • Laymon’s mother says she ‘“feels most calm during those really quick destructive storms.” (p. 137) What do you think of this revelation? Are you drawn to disaster or destructive storms? • What do you think about Malachi Hunter and his presence in the Laymon family’s life? • Do you think Laymon’s mother truly enjoys disaster or is her comfort something else? If something else, what would you call it? • At the end of this chapter Laymon and his mother are at odds because of Malachi, the light bill, and every other disaster in their lives. What do you think about their final words to each other? Consider the following quote: “Before walking out of the house, you said I was the saddest, most self-destructive person you’d ever met. I told you if you wanted me to listen to anything you had to say, you needed to learn to pay your damn light bill and stop riding in cars with disasters.” (p. 139) ‣ Do you think they both are telling the truth? ‣ Have you had arguments where you told truths that the relationship could not recover from?

19 The ALREADYDiscussion

• Laymon writes about his experiences in his “Introduction to Women’s Studies” course at Millsaps and all the new vocabulary he gains. What language does Black feminism(s) give you? ‣ Who are Black feminist theorists you engage frequently? ‣ Were you introduced to their work in the classroom or elsewhere? • Laymon critiques white folk in his college newspaper. Have you ever written a critique of white folk and published it? If so, what was the response? • “I asked her how sexy she’d think I was if she could see my cheekbones, my hipbones, my clavicle. I told Nzola losing weight made me feel like I was from the future, like I could literally fly away from folk when I wanted to. Heavy was yesterday.” (p. 145) ‣ What was your reaction to this intimate moment between Kiese and Nzola? ‣ In what ways does this moment connect to larger conversations about body image, fatness, and futurity? • On page 147 Malachi Hunter gives a speech about being “a rich nigga” to Kiese. Do you think Malachi’s treatment of Black women connected to class? How so? • The NAACP supports Kiese after members of Kappa Sigma and Kappa Alpha verbally assault him. Yet, they make no mention of Nzola and her experience. How is this connected to the gendered violence endangering Black women? • “Nzola cocked her arm back and jabbed me in the left eye.” (p. 151) Nzola hits Kiese multiple times in their relationship. How does this relate to Laymon’s past with his mother and his body? • Reflect on Laymon’s life and experiences to this point in the narrative. What has he experienced thus far? What is he holding? Connect your answers to the title of the memoir (Heavy).

SOON

• Throughout his memoir, Laymon introduces readers to important figures in his life. Which people in Heavy resonate with you the most? • In working at Grace House, Laymon remembers he is not the “center of the world” (p. 158) Are there moments that remind you that you’re not the center of the world? ‣ How do you process that and hold space for your experiences? • Laymon transfers to Oberlin College and does not come back home. Do you think Mississippi is too heavy for him? • Are there places you cannot come back to? Are they physical spaces? ‣ Beyond physical space, are there relationships you cannot return to?

20 IV. ADDICT AMERICANS The GREENSDiscussion

• What do you want for Laymon in this final section of the memoir? • Recall Laymon’s conversations with his Uncle Jimmy in this chapter. What moments resonate with you? ‣ Uncle Jimmy is the first male relative of Laymon’s we meet. What do you think of him? • Consider the following quote: “Folks always assumed black women would recover but never really cared if black women recovered.” (p. 169) ‣ How does this quote relate to Black women and the healthcare system? ‣ Where else is this quote applicable? ‣ Reflect on your own life and think about the ways you like to receive care. Do folks give you the care you want/need? • Kiese is navigating his family as an adult in this chapter. Did you shift your approach to communicating with your family in adulthood? • Laymon’s behaviors are consistent with symptoms of eating disorders. In what ways does society influence these behaviors?

TERRORS

• Laymon’s mother is a professor and supports her students inside and outside the classroom. How does her experience relate to the unpaid labor Black women dedicate themselves to in higher education? • On page 181 Laymon lists all the ways he failed his students. He misgendered them, tokenized them, and made them read harmful literature that attacked their marginalized identities. He says, “I didn’t expect to fail them as much as I did.” Do you have memories of teachers/professors who failed you? ‣ In what ways have educators stepped up for you? ‣ If you are an educator, what are ways you work hard to not fail your students? • Laymon discusses his salary as an adjunct professor at Vassar. Does Laymon’s honesty about his salary change your view of higher education and prestige? • Have you ever been the source of financial support for your family? If so, what was/is that experience like? • In this chapter, Laymon compares his own experience with criminalization and expulsion to that of his wealthy, white, Jewish thesis student Cole. How does Laymon’s narrative relate to broader discussions on the structure of policing? ‣ Have you thought about possible solutions to the policing of Black folks in education (and other systems)? If so, what are your ideas and how would you like to have them implemented?

21 SEAT BELTS

• Laymon’s mom travels frequently outside of the United States. He writes, “In the past six years you’d worked in over fifteen countries.” (p. 196). Have you ever worked outside of the United States? ‣ What countries have you worked in? ‣ If you haven't worked outside of the United States, where are three countries you’d love to work in? ‣ How did your experiences where you’re from inform your experiences abroad? • “Sometimes I think Mississippi is home to the greatest and worst people ever created.” (p. 197) Do you have similar feelings about your community? ‣ Is this quote specific to the history of Black folk in the United States? Why or why not? • Laymon’s father says he tried to fight the terror of racism in America from “corporate America” (p. 199). Do you think this is possible? ‣ Does this approach have consequences? • “Most of the black boys I grew up with had present black fathers in the home. Sure, some of those fathers taught my friends how to be tough. But I can’t think of one who encouraged his son to be emotionally or even bodily expressive of joy, fear, and love.” (p. 200) Laymon is critiquing what folks actually mean when they call for Black fathers in the home. He pushes his audience to consider what is collectively meant by “present black fathers” and interrogate if presence goes beyond physical attendance. How does this quote connect to discussions of gender and emotional intelligence? ‣ What ways can communities work to support the emotional expression of young Black children? • Kiese and Grandmama realize that his mother is not telling the truth and money is going missing. Have you navigated a difficult situation like this with a loved one? How did you handle the conflict? • “I would learn fifteen years too late that asking for consent, granting consent, surviving sexual violence, being called a good dude, and never initiating sexual relationships did not incubate me from being emotionally abusive.” (p. 208) Laymon realizes how harmful he has been to past partners and other people in his life. Do you think we are collectively taught how to identify emotionally violent/harmful behaviors? • How would you describe Laymon at the end of this chapter?

22 PROMISES

• This chapter opens with Laymon and his mother in a casino. Do you think it’s common for families to share the same vices? • Laymon and his partner, Flora, move on campus to save money. Could you live that close to work? Do you have a routine for work-life balance? • “I lost all my savings and went home hateful of casinos and Flora for not making us leave.” (p. 216) Do you think Laymon projects his behaviors onto women in his life? Why or why not? • How would you describe Laymon’s relationship with his mother? • Throughout Heavy, Laymon describes his relationships with Black women. From Layla to his mother and Grandmama and his romantic partners, do you think Laymon is honest with any of these women? • “Every time I lied, I wanted to control you, control your memory of us, control your vision of me. I was afraid to talk about being emotionally abusive, about gorging, about starving, about gambling all my money away, about wanting to disappear.” (p. 224) Do you think most folk lie for the same reasons Laymon outlines in this quote? If not, why do you think most people lie? • Have you made promises to loved ones that were difficult to keep? How did you work through that conflict?

BEND

• “I will take the train back to Poughkeepsie with Flora feeling good about fighting for black girls and women. On the way home, I will lie to Flora, a black woman, who lost her mother when she was a black girl. Flora will not forgive me.” (p. 233) Laymon shows a structural commitment to Black women and girls that is absent in his personal life. Black feminism teaches that the personal is political. How do you remain committed to Black feminism in your personal and political life? ‣ Do you think most Black men who commit to Black feminism falter in their personal commitment to Black women and girls? ‣ Do you think folks who treat Black women and girls poorly in their personal lives can ethically advocate for them? • What role does Grandmama play in this final chapter of Laymon’s memoir? • The narrative ends with a direct address to Laymon’s mother. How does this framing impact your reading? ‣ If you were to write a memoir, who would you address it to?

23 Final Thoughts

Were you satisfied by this text?

Did the genre (memoir) change how you read, interpreted and critiqued the text?

Do you plan to read any of Laymon’s other work?

What insight did you gain from reading this memoir?

Are there thoughts or lessons from this text that you are struggling to understand?

Which moment in the text resonates with you the most after reading?

Notes:

24 FURTHER READINGS/RESOURCES

Additional content & videos that relate to the reading.

Books:

Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia by Sabrina Strings

As Laymon discusses feeling heavy and his struggles with weight and being there is an opportunity for readers to learn more about the racialized origins of fatphobia. Sabrina Strings outlines the history of fatphobia and gives us language to understand the body’s manipulation in white supremacy.

Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty by Dorothy E. Roberts

Dr. Robert’s work in this text is amazing. This work often appears on reading lists and booklists for its wealth of knowledge on race, racism, and reproductive justice. In conversation with Heavy these two texts offer a foundation for understanding the structural and personal impact of medical racism. Moreover, Roberts pushes us to understand the multilayered nature of abuse by community, individuals, and systems.

Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good

Adrienne maree brown compiles an impressive anthology with this text exploring pleasure, feeling good, and why it all matters for radicalism. Reading Pleasure Activism in conversation with Heavy offers broader conversations about harm and healing while pursuing pleasure.

All About Love: New Visions bell hooks offers a thorough exploration of love and loving in this canonical text. How do we understand love? How do we practice loving honestly? The chapters about love, children, and parenting explore themes that are present throughout Laymon’s narrative.

Articles & Essays:

Not All Fat Black Boys Know How to Eat Celebrating Adele’s Weight “Loss” Promotes Fatphobia and Misogyny What Drives Emotional Abuse in Relationships

Syllabi Author Bio

Bry Reed is a Baltimore native with a passion for education and Black feminist literature. She has a B.A. in Africana Studies with a minor in Gender and Sexuality Studies. Her favorite books are Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison and Mama Day by Gloria Naylor. She begins doctoral study in fall 2020.