Carlson criticizes the cults by Dan Gainor tive and exploitive cults," highlight new people are broukht into the ing the Unification church due to his religion. · Chris Carlson, former member of personal involvement. ' · The third part of the definition was the Unification church and star of the The film portrays Carlson's incor "[t]he essential aim of t_he organiza biographieal docudrama Moonchild, poration into the church and his sub tion is the explotation·of the member spoke here Thursday night about var- sequent deprogramming. His family ship," he explained. ious cults. gained the right of conservatorship, These cults can be found worship The program commemorated the effectively giving them custody for 30 ping anything: Krishna, Vishnu, fourth anniversary of the suicide days during which time they God, or the upper consciousness. ;- -..-1 • in Jonestown, Guyana and posed the informed him of other activities of the One· group strongly criticized by question "Can it happen here?" church. Carlson is the Children of God, for According to Carlson, Jones began Following the talk, Carlson ,merly referred to as the ·Family of his ministry with good intentions. launched into a discussion of cults in Love. He said that the female "He did a lot more good for people general, but only after he explained. members of the group are "being sent than [Reverend Sun Myung] Moon his personal definition. out on the streets to pick up men for.
has ever done," he said. "I'm speaking of an organizaion Christ" for "sex-, for recruitment and · Sponsored by the University Cen-· · where you find ·an authoritarian money." •
ter Program Board, the event ruler and that leader has the perfect "It is one of the more perverted 1 Photo by Jason Lee included the film, a short talk by Carl- and divine truth," he said. cults you can find, "he added. Chris Carlson, an ex-Moorile, appeared at the UnlveraltY Center ballroom to son and a question and answer period Carlson's second criteria was a Carlson also labeled .the Hare comment on the 1ta.tu1 of·cult1 In today's society. about different aspects of "destruc- "process ·of indoctrination" where CONTINUED ON PAGE 4 Way International recruits on campus Two girls from Tfie Way have by Cheri Collinson been on campus at night ta~king to R€tRl€V€R Members of The Way Interna people about religion. They have no tional, a controversial religious affiliation with a church and they are group often referred to as a "cult," frorif lhe West Coast and have come Volume 1• Number 12 Unlve11lty of Maryland, Baltimore County N'ovember 22, 1982 have been recruiting on campus this here to witness for . God. They semester. · declined to be interviewed claiming that it would not help spread the "word." · Committee.plans Recently, some male mem.bers of The Way have also been on campus speaking with people. Dan Briener, Hi I Icrest repai rS . a member of The Way also declined an interview, claiming that he was by Peggy O'Neill Other administrators that partici- denied permission to give anyone an pated in the walk-through included interview. Randy Pue, the head of In response to the agreement made Scott Rickard, vice chancellor for The Way International in Baltimore between the SO.A and the· campus Student Affairs, George Preisinger, area also declined an interview and administration· concerning student director of Campus Activities, Leon claimed- that he needs permission space, the SGA has formed a comm:t Herring, director of the Physical from headquarters in New Knox- tee to determine or-ganizational space Plant, and Dave Herman, assistant ville, Ohio but, he would not be needs. dean of students. . around for a few weeks even if per- The committee, chaired by Direc The group toured the building. mission was granted. tor of University Affairs Lee Beale, is commenting on space while suggest- , Dan. Briener and other members dealing with space on the second ing improvements ar.d possible uses from The Way have attended bible floor, half of the first floor and half of ·for the space. study on campus run by Joe Canner. the basement of the Hillcrest build "One thing we have to consider. is ,;j Canner is one of the executive ing, in addition to other topics. how the offices relate to each other," L. II members of Christian Fellowship. Beale's committee will assign space commented Priesinger. Campus administrators take an exploration of the Hiiicrest bulldlng lo plan "I don't know if they came to get a to student clubs and organizations, Suggestions for the front porch on corrective ·measures. · Photo by Jason Lee foothold on campus and spr~ad or if taking into account organizational the first floor included converting it CONTINUED ON PAGE 5 requirements. In addition they are responsible for monitoring the reno ~:t~t ~o~~~:~al clerical unit or a stu- S GA. _p u hes_ f r ·new J __. a r··d vation of the building and working ' Regardless of how the space will~ 8 0 8 0 with the administration with any utilized, the windows will have to be problems, said Beale. changed to make the room more by Barry 'Meisel those seats filled over ·the summer, chairman of SGA Election Proce: Friday, committee member Jon energy efficient, according to Her but a longer compromise is also dures and Investigations Commit Pinder met with .admjnistrators to man. The porch ceiling will also have Negotiations between the SGA being discussed. tee, says this violation of procedure tour Hillcrest. According to Vice to be replaced, explained Herring,. ·and the Office of Student Affairs Dr. Brenton Steele, assistant dean brings the legitimacy of the J-Board Chancellor of Administrative Affairs due to a leak from the second floor. over the fate; of the Judicial Board of students, met last week with SGA into question. Sallie Giffen they were .. to look and The tour continued \ut the second may lead to a reopening of some of President Steve Gilliard and . his According to Gilliard, one prop see what space was availible and its _floor with the group agreed that this the J-Board seats. The SGA is work-: cabinet officer, Steve Houff, direc osal that he and Steele discussed was · function." .CONTINUED ON PAGE 3 ing for an immediate reopening of tor of Student Affairs, to discuss the that there be another selection pro J-Board. problem. cess in February, with the terms of • Judicial Affairs Officer Wilbur those now sitting on the board expir Hicks contends he acted .Properly ing June 1. Normally, members of ·wuMD beams 1n .on when he selected four students to sit the J-Board serve two-year terms. by Ani Thompson She went on to say that the rest of may be open but it may not be far on the J-Board this summer, with Steele himself acknowledged this, the search needs to. be -completed enough away from other stations. out the required student representa but cautioned, "I've offered nothing The results from WlJM D's preli along.with the FCC licensing appli "We don't want to interfere with any tives being present to participate in . ... There's been a lot of discussion. minary frequency search are positive cation procedures. "We need to othe~ station's signal," said Elliker. the selection process. Jeff Neuman, CONTINUED ON PAGE 4 according to Station Manager Shari prove to them that we're good The station is budgeted for $6,000 Elliker. , enough to go FM," she said,"Justby to complete th~ rest oi the search, The station hired the Smith and saying that the spot is·there doesn't Pete Akerson, Chief Engineer, Powstenko Company to complete a guarantee that we-will-get it," Elliker anticipates the equipment for the preliminary search for them. Possi continued. FM changeover will cost between ble location was found at 90.3 on the The next step in the process is giv $12,000 and $14,000. ''This is a really FM band. Elliker said that t-he ing the Smith and Powstenko Com loose .estimate," he added,,.<'It will search results were ''very good news. pany the go a.head to carry out the depend ·on how many. watts, what We've been waiting a long time for search completely. The · search is type of equipment we get, and what this.'' necessary because the wavelength the administration will give us." The inoney for the change over will come from· the Special Projects Fee, according to Brett Hammond, On the ·cover WUMD's .business manager. He UMBC, as a young and eager campu~. often tries to fly high is the said ~hat the earliest , possibl~ date face of any barri~r. This photo, from the 1969 Yeafbook reflects this the station would operate on the FM sentiment and carries with it both the -idealism and the harsh . band would be iri September of · reality, inherent to this school. 1983. "September of 1984 would . probably be a more realistic date," he added. Inside The format for FM will not' be a "block /format" like Towson•$>FM 'Another slice of life served up ...... 10 station, WCVT. A block format Stickers snag top honors ...... ~ . • .. . • .. . • . • . . . .. 14 consists of one bloc~.. _or hour, for Models outline campus' future •.•...•....•.•.•.•.•.. ; .. ·.... 16 . CONTINUED.ON PAGE 3 Dr. BNnton ...... _t deM "8tudenta, dllcu1111 J-eo.n.comp... nlL Work for the Retriever Applications are now being accepted for the . .. following positions; . · • advertising salepeople • layout people • 'colum.nists • news writers• • editorial writers • photographers • editors • secretaries • feature writers • sports writers • graphic artists • typesetters
"" '
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., Apply now to work for the Retriever-next semester. Internships and work study positions. are available and encouraged. For more information call x3254 and ask for Dan, Barry, Diana or Jon or stop by our office in University.Center Room 219. Beapartofthecampus
and learn a skill at the same time. p • ·Tue Retriever is an equal opportunity employer. · ,. Page 3 news Dis:ch vi.ctorious in ·comm.uters.' election.
by Alan Feiler trois Anagnostiadis, who resigned as CSA president in early October._ Sidney Disch, SGA coordinator "I want to recruit more people," of Special Events, won the election said Disch, a newcomer to the CSA for the presidency of the Commut who once was a supervisor for the ing Students Association (CSA) !n MTA. "I want to get all the positions balloting last Wednesday by defeat~ filled so 111 be having·interviews all ing his opponent, David Rifkin with next week and after Thanksgiving." almost 60 percent' of the vote. Disch also added that his goals as· "Right now, I want to get this president ef the CSA are to "work organization back on its feet," com closely with Commuter Affairs on mented Disch. "I want to sit down getting the Shuttle Bus on campus with people and set our goals. Peo on Saturdays and Sundays and ple will know what CSA stands for,'' MTA buses for commuting students he added. · who want to study on campus or students that live on campus that Lee Beale, dlrecto.r of Urtiverslty Affairs, Is the ch1tlrman of the co;..mlttee formed to·determlne organlzadon Disch also mentioned that Rifkin has accepted a position on his board need to leave." - space ne~s In ti111crest. · and will be working with him. "The Christopher Basile, a senior CSA is active again," said Rifkin. majoring in Ethnomusicology was Administrators examine building .. Things are stronger. than ever critical of the CSA and commented, before. We want to be like we were "I think it's a shame that the CS.A is FROM PAGE 1 three years ago when the CSA was a not ·concerned with having a place area offered a good deal of possible apartments. , As far as the exterior is concerned, vital group," he continued. where commuting students can space. Next the group examined the base- continued Giffen, specifications will According to Martin Chidsey, gather outside of the Commuter According to Preisinger, .. these are ment area of the building. This area be made to repair the windows, brick chairman of election, the elections Cafeteria." rooms the students won't find any- consists of two large rooms, plus an work, gutters and roof, and then the receiv.ed two percent of the st'tdent One junior who voted for the co where else on campus." He added additional room which is equipped to bids will be sent out. body. "Two percent isn't bad when. presidency between the two candi that proper utilization would depend be a kitchen: · The timetable for this to occur is up you consider that SGA elections dates, expressed his concerns, "The on how the rooms are fixed up and Pinder commented that the build- in the air, accordjng to Rickard and need nine percent," said Rifkin. CSA hasn't done anything for me. allocated. ing has "endless posibilities" and the Giffen. Rickard said he hopes that Disch, a senior majoring in Pho I'd like to see better parking. I'd like Herman agreed with Preisinger others agreed. mo.st of the inside work could be done tography, will be replacing Dem~- to see more spaces." and added, "The good thing about "The are some spaces here that I'm during the winter break. However, rooms like this [large open areas] is sure the students aren't even aware the . outside repairs will take much you can put temporary dividers in of," said Preisinger, summing up the longer. . W·UMD FROM PAGE ·1 and put many clubs in them." group's opinion. Giffen explained that it will proba Some of the changes for the second The next step in the renovation of bly be next spring before work beg: rock music, one for soul, etc .... we just want to make sure that every floor that were suggested included Hillcrest, according to Giffen, is for ins, since the bids have to be sent out WUMD's format will be Hot 100 student can hear us." Now, the sta new carpets, new painting, and doors the SGA committee to submit to her and the specifications will have to be rock background, with air play tion is only heard in the commuter on one of the rooms. , a list of renovations and repairs they approved by the State Board of Pub given to new albums and new bands. cafeteria, the three dorms, and the Pinder proposed that the second deem necessary. There will be lic Works. •'The format will be basiGally the dining hall. When the station goes floor porch area could be used as a another walk-through of Hillcrest to Monies to fund these renovations same as it is now," said Elliker. FM, ••the signal would be picked up TV lounge for the apartments determine what is actually going to be will come from the "Student Projects Elliker is not sure how far the signal in people's cars on campus and on because of Hillcrest's central location_ done. At that time the cost estimate fee primarily, plus some from the will be broadcast. "If we are the radio on the quad," said Elliker. between the Terrace and West Hills of the work will also be made. operating budget," said qiffen. only on campus, that's ok because The FM station would be oper ated by "only the most ·experienced and professional DJ's, those who take their job seriously," said Mike SURVIVE THE W._INTER Morucci, WUMD's.Program Direc tor. Marucci is optimistic about.the ATTENTION ALL UMBC DANCERS FM change over and said, ••1 think A Presentation by Tom Rider on cold weather FM will work, we have the time to comfort and survival do it." Since the AM station only broad casts to the dorms and cafeterias, ir This is your last chance to register for the Dance will be used as a training ground for . Friday, December 3, 1982 Symposium. Registration deadline is Novem those who want to move on to FM. "We're looking for people who want 1:00 p.m. ber 29, 1982. to shine," said Rick Levy, news director. UC 314 "We will be expanding fast," said Elliker, "so there are openings in every department and phase." Sponsored by the UC Program Board "Before .the search we .lacked direc- · tion, we need to expand and work Recreation Committee · University Center Program Board for something bigger. FM offers us that opportunity." Dance Symposium Registration Form Elliker went on to say that even though the FM will only reach a few February 3~ 1983 blocks off campus at the most, the potential for expansion is always there. "We can move on after we SUPPORT prove ourselves," she said. STUDENTS FOR GENDER EQUALITY Name: ~ Address: t . Semina;"~ § Phone: A Sub-committee of the SGA ~Wednesday, December 11 UMBC Student D yes D no Office of Womens' Issues t 1:00p.m. . § Type of dance: § Group Members: § . 2nd floor UC lobby See the Table in UC Second Floor Lobby for more information on November 24, 1982. ·
Sponsored by !Have a Happy Thanksgiving! UC Program Board Recreation Commi ee , /'/."'*',...... > I'" "I' --r.· • ..,. "r P~ge:4 ' - '"Retriever
Carlso n FROM PAGE 1. J-·s o-ard FROM PAGE 1
Krishna movement as a cult and he According to Carlson, "there ·are This is purely at the preliminary questions concerning the interpreta criticized their recruitment tactics. front groups by the hundreds" for the stages." tion or application of particular pro- .. The Krishnas have something they church. Included among these . are Hicks himself had no comment on visions of the Judicial Code should call 'trancendental trickery' that" "Project Volunteer, " and a political the reopening of J-Board seats, say-· be referred to the J udicial Affairs allows them to lie to people to serve a organization which emphasizes anti ing, . "I'm not aware of .any Officer for resolution." greater good. communism and is called The Colle- compromise." Houff responded to this: "He can Molly Koch, an anti:-eult activist giate Association for the Research of · The fact that Steele is even talking interpret unclear statements, but he who attended the program, was also Principles. . ofsuch a compromise might indicate _ canno ~ change the basic stipulations . very critical of the ·Krishnas. "The The church also owns several that the administration isn't com- of the code, and this is what he is Hare Krishnasa'te anned and danger- media outlets, with the recently pletely satisfied with Hicks'justifi'ca- doing here. Why even have a code at ous," she explained. · founded Washington Times leading tion for empaneling the J-Boaid all? Why not just submit everything "They deal'· in drug smuggling, 'the list. himself to Wilbur Hicks for his opinion?" ivory smuggling and gold smug- Carlson stressed the dedication of _ It is not certain, however,. as to When asked if he thought his gling," she added·. · "Moonies," all of whom are required whether or not the SGA will be con- interpretation of that particular Another group that Koch labeled to take an oath, pledging themselves tent to wait until Spring.for a new . clause might be too broad, Hicks as a threat was The Way Intema- to fight if South Korea, Moon's selection process. . replied, "Obviously not." tional. "The Way International is homeland, were ever attacked by On the compromise, _ Neuman Hicks continued, "My role is very armed, anti-semitic, and dangerous," North Korea. "I would have given my said, "That is not acceptable .. ..[The neutral...how would you resolve she continued. life for one of my leaders," he said. new members] must be selected as matters o( application and proce The Way, according to Koch, has "It wouldn't take much for Moon soon as possible." dures in the Judicial Code if the six '"twigs"' or group homef in the to have a death squad [with that dedi Houff said of the compromise, Judicial Affairs Officer were not Baltimore area and they have been cation]," Carlson comment~d. "It's unsatisfactory. We're pressing given that responsibility," Hicks recruiting on this campus. . Explaining his previous activity as for disbanding the J-Board imine- asked. Most of the evening's comments - a deprogramer, Carlson said "I have diately and re-empaneling the board Neuman -disagreed with Hicks, concerned the Unification Church. kidnapped people but deprogram under proper procedures with full saying, "Basically, it doesn't matt.er According to Carlson's estimates, ming does not rely on kidnapping to student input." · . if he tried to contact the students or there are 5,000 to 7,000 "Moonies" work." · Molly Koch, a local anti-cult activist, · This did not mean, however, "that · not, the fact is he violated procedure currently living in the United States. crtlclzed during the Carlson the same members won't be re- ..... He claims judicial review, but program. empaneled." that doesn't give him the right to "It's a student J-Board, composed violate administrative law. If he gets r----~------~------· ----., of students presiding over students, away with that, then anything that's COOP STUDENtS and is to be selected by students. It's written down is jeopardized for the I Courtesy card · : critical that all three [of these condi- future." SPRING BOOK I I tions] are met for this board to be I I viable," Houff continued. RA~FLE Hicks explained that he had tried Salespeople to ·contact the student representa tives over the summer, but tha't they needed didn't. attend the meetings he had set Win $100 certificate !<°.\laL~tc~ ·· . i up with them. Some of the students The Retriever is I 0 I involved claimed that they had never seeking eager and; toward any purchase : . . paB ~ : been contacted. . Hicks justified proceeding with experienced students in UMBC out them by saying, "The Judicial interested in sales. To ; Home of all you can eat luncheon specials : Code does allow me some flexibility Book Center in in.te r:preting the code." apply, call x3254 I ·This coupon good for 1 free drink the ne .x~ ti.me I , The Judicial code states: 'An_y I you eat'lunch at McP's, offer good 11-3 daily. · : • Drawing Dec.3 I . . . - , • Tickets.$1.00 1 "CATONSVILLE'S FIRST IR'ISH PUB!"!I • Visit CSO office in I ·1 I 583 Frederick Road I MP : 788-7222 : second floor . I Under new management. I L---~------·-----~
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MCNISA/Ch~ November 22, 1982 The Way's background descr_ibed . FRbM PAGE 1 they just wanted to study with us,•• The Way International gives a meaning_ of true text. said Canner. course in Hunter's Safety. They The Way organizational set up is "They didn't seem like a cult. They believe the world will end in nuclear · patterned after a tree. The head were just normal people with.differ war and chaos and the question will quarters in New Knoxville, Ohio is ent beliefs," he commented. be one of survival and not a question the trunk. The limbs are the state "They haven't been back since the of good and evil. Members of The organizations and the branches are first time they came," Canner con Way are also instructed in Hunter's the cities. The leaves are the indi".id tinued, "their big thing is to study ethics. These ethics are some moral ual members and the twigs are the the Bible and original text." values concerning thinking and Bible studies. The college bible stu According to a local source, The preparation. The Way is also known dies are designed to be established Way International is anti-semitic, to stockpile arms and food for the on ever~ college campus in the U.S. and they deny the Holocaust. end of the world. According to a The Way utilizes "Word Over the Members of The Way believe local source members .of The Way World" ·ambassadors. These are Jesus Christ is not God and there International are known to carry people who have left school, work, fore they deny the Holy Trinity. The side-arms to meetings- with them. and moved awa~ from home to Holy Spirit is God but not a distinct Victor Paul Wierwille gives a b~come person from God. course called "Power for Abundant The Way is headed by a man Living.•• This course consists of named Victor Paul Wierwille who is twelve video-taped sessions three also the founder. He received a Mas hours long each. The course is Everyone ·bleeds ter of Theology degree from · Prin dsigned to answer 95 percent of all ceton Theological SeirHnary and questions about the Bible and any was an ordained minister in the Uni thirig else. The course costs $85.00 Give the gift of life. Give ted Church of Christ. for the first time and any time after blood to your local Red Members of The Way spend four that it is free. The Way makes its nights a week in a "spirited rebirth," money by giving these courses. Cross. ·::: . ·. · : ·· ~::~ k~j~\::...... speaking in tongues. They are taught Wierwille has devised his own inter- The Great Organizers encour- to speak in tongues as a form of pretation and the Bible and he Amerlcan "smo.keout · ~;:'i:tid lasfTt1~~ay. aged all smokers not to smoke for 24 hours. Photo by Bill i present this coupon and UMBC WINTER '83 receive a Free T-Shirt, 635 Frederick Rd. at Ingleside cor:npliments of 3 Weeks: January 3-21 Registration from It all adds up to November 16 time well spent in through December 10. Phone: 747-8444 mid-winter ... time to KAMAI prepare with MORE . EDUCATION in 1983- for more opportunity.· HlllPOIT Make 3 weeks in your COMING SOON! - winter count. For more rnformation call the Office of Unisex Ha1r Care Center UMBC HOLIDAY BAZAAR Select from over 50 Special Sessions at credit and non-credit 455-2335. courses. Choose field 5204 Leeds Ave experience, an internship, SPECIAL SESSIONS or travel. featuring Arbutus. Maryland 21227 WORKSHOPS AND INSTITUTES Morning, afternoon, and University of Maryland I 242~66 evening. Baltimore County. • Concession Booths • Music/Entertainment ~ 242-1840 • Exhibits • International Foods § • Arts and Crafts § ': University Center Program· Board presents Sunday, December 12, 1982 12:00 Noon UC Grand Ballroom ••• Bring the Entire Family ~ . C6ntact the UC Program Board for Booth ~ a UCPB Coffee House Registration I nformatiqn at x3462. . at the Grand Ballroom ·co-Sponsored by UC Program Board Dec. 8, 8:00 p.m. and Resident Student Association Hot.... Hot..~. Hot .... ENGINEERING . ORIENTATION SERl·ES Engineering- is sponsoring a series of three co.nsec_utive Wednesday orientation lectures .\ beginning on Nov. 10 and continuing \ through Nov. 24. November 24 . "Engin~ering Opportunities" Marilyn Berman Assistant Dean . ·, · of Engin.eering, UMCP and - John Martellq Co-Op Director, UMBc· All lectures will be held in LH IV from· 1-2 p.m. · Engineering ·and Pre-Engineeri.ng students · are urged to attend. ENJOY THE CONVENIENCE OF CONGRATULATIONS EASY BANKING ON CAMPUS I WINNERS OF CAMPUS · with RECREATION· TOURNAME·NTS· Pool 1st Jim Tibbetts 2nd Me-hammed Hedayati Table Tennis 1st Steve Johnson 2nd Bernie Lis berger Chess 1st Bryan Johnson Day & night banking, 7 days a week. ·2nd Francisco Ward Backgammon 1st Francisco Ward . Foosball 1st Team Pete Cha_kales .. . .' Unlver$lty Center, 1st Floor · Mike Leventeris . - 2nd Team Lori Bresnick Jon _Clun ies <' Darts 1$t Michael Astarb ;; .• .•: NOW.OPEN·. , -';_, .I . : ' ·.· • • 2nd .Scott Gilbert " ·, ;~:.' M.aoy of these people will represent -~· :~, ·... UMBC at Regional Tournaments at "-'., '~ .,. ; West Virginia University in February. ·:·t ;~ .'· __ ·~ . . -·i". ' .:' ;.... · .... Thanks to all th·ose that *'!'-; ~' . participated .· .. firsthational , ~~~~ ...... , ... ~ . . . Member FDIC ~~ The Gameroom Staff Pege7 Retriever f . \ -Week in review Photo by Sill Kinsley Thursday w• the ate for th.t annual "Greet American Smokeout," •n •ttempt to make everyone SGA senators Brett H•mmond (right) •~d Mary Jo Werner (left) dlacun polltlc• •fter fallure to brNthe Maler. Wiii Hlgnett of H ..lth ServlCff I• •hown above coercing • would be .moker Into achieve a quorum re•ulted In the cancelatlon of Wednnday'• meeting. tempor111y abatlnence. - ~ ------_ 8 B J E Friday Dec. 3 Commuter Cafeteria 9-2 p.m. SGA MIXER FEATURING OBJECTS (formerly MULTIPLEX) Don't miss Happy Hour (Buy 1 get 1 free from 9-10) $2.00 UMBC . $3.00 guest - ... November 22, 1982 Page 8 1 still investigating the reasons the 22- year-old engineering sophomore Student stress syndrome strikes at the studious took his own life after a drunk driv College counselors report another neighbors and even their parents out to class, but must come out knowing home longer, a phen-0menon ing arrest. epidemic of student stress this year of work," she adds. "They see moi;e something." Bowling calls "extended adoles- And at Idaho, student suicides as more and more students worry and more that it can happen to UCLA counselors have "also seen cence," Most students "are living increased 30 percent last year. Coun themselves into depression over the them." a big increase in the numbers of stu- with mom and dad all the way selor Kees sees "no change in the sluggish economy, depressed job "Things are a little heavier and a dents reporting physical side effects through college." tempo this year." market, and mounting aca.demic little tougher this year," . confirms from stress: high blood pressure, Student suicides have also The national average is two-to pressure. Don Kees, director of the University headaches, stomach problems and a increased dramatically in the last four suicides per 10,000 students, Counselors first noticed last year or"Idaho counseling center. "We've lot of psychosomatic p·roblems," several years. Campus counselors with 15-to-20 attempts. Suicide is that money-and career-related wor had funding cuts, raised student says counselor Bill Hessell. worry that the stress epidemic could ·the secon your·SGA STARVING FOR· GOOD ENTERTAINMENT? THINKING OF MOVING-? The University Center Program Th~ Office of Commuter Affairs Boarc;j Social Committee can hef p you locate off-campus . . Presents . housing . . Net~ork Meeting , GORDON MICHAELS with staff assistance: 'l SongwriterI Musician • our off-campus housing vacancy listings • our detailed apartment directory (Q) in Concert • our a~artment complex file of brochures ·AFTERNOON CONCERT • our "roommate wanted" lists Special Workshop: Student Leader "Burn out" TODAY! Make a better move... Plan ahead! . .Facilitatori Allison Liebman Office of Commuter Affairs 1:OOPM -(free hour) r The Office of Commuter Affairs November 29, 1982 UC 2nd Floor Lobby 2121210 ~ath Psychology bldg. 4:00-6:00 p.m. ,. · Page9 bulletin board and the speaker will be Emily Kolasa, Anita, ·I have a message for you! a former student. Chemical Engi Thanks for your help! ACROSS 4 Characteris- CLUBS neering students are invited. Phi Sig Love, Ml11y Puzzle Answer tics Skippy, There must be a wuba out 1 Religious 5 Poorly made · Karate Club will show a film about there for you! Thanks for being a group 6 In what · Tae Kwon Do on Wed. Nov. 24 at 1 CLASSIFIED great friend! Long live the insurgent 5 Timid manner? p.m. i.n FA015. Everyone interested is For Sale: 1971 Honda 350 Motorcycle group! 8 Thiel< slice · 7 Color welcome to attend. All club members, 15K 'miles. New paint, matching car Lot of Lov.e, M&M 12 Sandarac 8 Small please attend. rying case. Custom seat, helmet Been, Thanks for 1 great one. Let's go tree herrings Karate Club meets every Mon., Tues., included. Must sell. $425.00/offer for about a 100 more! How about it? 13 Garden tool - 9 Hold on and Thurs. from 5-7 p.m. in FA 318. If Call Scot x3410. Love, "What are we doing tonight?" 14 Evergreen property · 15 Kind of bean 10 Poker stake you are interested, attend ~practice . \Volunteers for research project relat Nancy, Michele, Susan & Susie, Let's 16 Night bird 11 P~b drink 50150 Raffle is being sponsored by ing to memory and retention and test order a pizza again real soon because 17 Nerve 19 Dawn the HSP Council of Majors. Donation taking jitters. Call K~n 254-9480. I've got the munchies!! Thanks guys network goddess is a $1. Anyone interested in buying forall the fun times, IJove you guys 18 Noticed 21 Period of or selling tickets ple~se stop by the for it!! . · 20 Thinner time HSP office, Rm 828. The drawing will . PERSONALS S.T. RAH 22 Bushy clump 24 3 Down bed • 23 Scrap 25 Falsehood be held on Dec. 15. Michele, Too bad muscles wasn't Mr. 24 Stylish: Slang 26 See Down The White Sheep, I just want to say Goodbar, I still say you should go for 11 36 Decayed 44 Portuguese Trip to Blob's Park! The Outdoor 27 Squanders 2$ Number that those few times that we've it! All you have to do is smile; and he'll 37 Seasoning coins of old Club is sponsoring a trip to the Ger-' 31 Cqrn product 29 Before · 38 Exist 46 Snare shared together have meant a lot. drop and kiss your feet! And you man Beer and Dance hall on Satur Whether they 32 Time period 30 Mournful 39 Buries 47 Green land continue or not, I will know it! day, Dec-.4! Anyone interested 33 Seesaw 34 Mexican dish 42 Partner 48 Act never forget you. The Mad Mover & Muscle Watcher contact Sue-(465-5632), or come to The one who always apologizes 37 Ached 35 The self 43 Asian sea 51 Fuss the Outdoor Club meeting-t Monday Su1le P., Let's go banister sliding 40 Time passed at 1:00 in MP 102. _. Ace, Thinking about you all the time. again, soon or for~ ride on my freak in 41 Sea eagle Am I kosher yet? U.S.$ . Enterprise. 42 Woodchuck The Polltlcal Economy and·Polltlcal Rodney Science Clubs are co-sponsoring a You wanna get Lucky?! 45 Cosseted Frank, Your grading technique is 49 Region Thanksgi.ving Party on Wed. Nov. 24 Hey Paco and Noodle Brain, Good ATROCIOUS!!! 50 Hit lightly in Rm 629 AD from 1:00-4:00 p.m. luck in Florida. I know you two will do Bio Student 52 Lake of puz Food and refreshment served. Come 1100 great. P.S .-Thanks to Kay, a very spe ring in the holiday early! zle fame HI; Paula M., I'm thfnking about yC 'J. cial person, who deserves alot of the .53 Word with A.K.W.· credit in getting these girls to achieve · pony or pig their accomplishments. · 54 Dutch town Sidney, I miss you, but if you wouldn't ·Taco · · 55 Unusual make yourself so scarce. I wouldn't OPPORTUNITY 56 Otherwise miss you so much.. · ' Nancy, Smile sweetie, things aren't 57 Conjunction V.G. that bad. I still care! We'll really miss 58 Hurried you next semester, so let's cherish Recruitment Visit UMAB Medical Melva, Thinking about Fenton? the memories we are making. now! School, Guest Speaker Ms. Hermi Anonymous DOWN one Hicks of UMAB, AC IV 013 1:00- The Mad Mover and Poster Ripper Mike M., What ever happened to the 2:00 p.m. Transaction Club? Patty, Go for him now while he still _1 2 Goddess of Wanted Math and CMSC graders and A couple of frustrated sleazy women wants you! The Mad Rapist is waiting discord tutors for Spring 1983. Applications for you in the Computer Center. Go Hoddy, Do you know that a British 3 Vacation now available in MP 410, MP 436, or for it! He wants you! accent is a turn-on? pla.ee MP 408. Completed applications due AF OAF An Interested party by December 17, 1982. Eric, Happy Birthday! I hope your Jobs: The following organizations birthday is as wonderful as you are. seek to fill professional vacancies Luv, D3 through on-campus recruitment. For more information visit CD&P, MP Fred, I'm glad you didn't disappear 202. from the face of the earth. Next time IRS Group Presentation 1-2 p.m. you try it-warn me. I still care about Join MP 103, Nov. 22. you even if you do lose things. John Hopkins University School of Love, Oogle The, Rat Hygiene & Public Health-Lab Tech M&M, You Bums! nician, Entry Research Pro ·pinkie & Mouse grammers, Biology, Chem is try related or programming emphasis.: Mrs. Erb, Have a great Thanksgiving! Pack Nov. 23. · Your Roomle Navy Officer's Program-Nuclear Alkahall, Have a great Thanksgiving! Engineer, Pilots, Line Officers, Nancy Supply Officers, all majors: Nov. 30. CIA-Computer Scientist, Analyst. Matt & Mark, Nancy & Paula are the Chemist, Computer Science, Math, tennis champs of Chesapeake 3rd Beer; pizza, popcorn and TV; Physics, Political Science, Econom- floor south! ics, Chemistry: Nov. 3~. · Pam, Thanks for all the talks about great for the return of Monday -you know who & you know who! night football. NOTICES Love ya, P. Jon, Remember "Just the w'ay you Still located in the basement are!" You're definitely more romantic! Thank Your Wo.fds cannot express HI Strawberry! of Hillcrest. my thanks for the lovely dinner at ·Guess Who? (Hint: squeak, squeak!) Snyders .in my honor. I was totally Open Monday, Tuesday, surp~ised, never believing all the peo HI, Preppy, Pinkie, and Rocky I'm so Thursday, and Saturday, ple who attended. A special than ks to glad you're my suitemates! those who wanted to come, but Love you, Mouse (squeak, squeak) 8 p;m. to 1 a.m. couldn't. I will cherish the gold bra Mouse, Thank you for .caring. celet and autograph book. I love each Pinkie· and everyone of you and I ~ill cer tainly keep you all in my thoughts and Mouse, Have a Great Thanksgiving! will be missing everybody, too. God Pinkie {Roe~ & Prep) Bless! · Mouse, Congratulations! Josie Drecchlo Pinkie BuUetin ,B.oard Policy Alcohol Awareness Day-Wed., Dec. Jarvis, Are you still mad·with me? If Notices fQr the Bulletin Board should be dropped off or 1 11 :00-3:00 p.m. in the UC .Ballroom. so, grow-up!!! · Exhibits are planed to address the Anonymou1 · " sent to the Retriever, UC 219. , , following: 1) drinking and the law, 2) On-campus :notices for events are. free. All other ads," MarJy, ye1 YOU M•rty, Don't try. to. responsible host & hostessing, 3) except personals, cost $2 for the-first 30 words and $1 for alcoholism, 4) women & alcohol, 5) deny it-everyone knows that you're a WILD MAN! . alternatives to drinking. It wm be a · every additional 10 words, to a maximum of 60 words. day of fun with music (provided by Two Wiid Women? Payment must accompany the ad. The Retriever will not be WUMD Radio Station), movies, and Greg, Make your move, I'm waiting!!! responsible for cash lost in transit. exhibits. Come, relax, and enjoy a Lady In Waiting free mocktail at our beverage bar. New personal• policy: Personals are rio longer free, but Andy, You have the cutest brown now cost 50$., Place the ad a:id the money in an envelope · Persona lntere1ted in lobbying for a eyes!! change of motto in the state seal Debbie . and deposit it in the. locked box section of the Retriever's please leave your name, address, and mailboxes. ·· ' telephone number in the box marked Nick, We really DIG your vascular bundles!!! "MOTTOS" locat~d at the University All submissions, including personals, should be printed Information Desk in the Student D.A. & V.G. (No. 21 & 22) or typed on an 81h by 11 sheet of paper, with no more than Center. M•ry, How about a dinner date at one item on a page. No last names should appear on your place? I've had my shots. personals. · · · LECTURES • Raco Raco Raccoon The deadline for all 1ubml11lon1Is1:00 p.m. Thursday. Joe C., I've been watching you and I The Retriever will now publish all personals it receives .. C•reers In Chemic.I EnglnHrlng on like what I see! Wed. Dec. 1 there will be an AIChE One of Many Admirers which meet the above guidelines, else your money will°be Student Chapter Meeting from 1-2 Mike M., What ever happened to the refunded. People who wish to make use of this 'pol.icy must p.m. in UC 312, 313. Topic will be Club.? include their FULL NAME and number on the ad. "Careers in Chemical Engineering" phon~ Page 1~ Retriever 1aa111111haa1ar: Doctors and Thlauas by Bruce Goldfarb ested, and he offered to let it go for five. who I was, what I had, and where I got it from. With no particular reason in mind, I hesi I told him that I was more concerned with It was Sunday. I was working on the geriat tated between soggy mouthfuls of chicken, returning his property rather than adhering to ric unit of a Memphis hospital for a temporary wi~d my hands in a cursory manner, and the essense of the law. And, I told him paren personnel agency after having worked all the took' the opthalmoscope case from his.hands. thetically, I had indeed paid seven dollars for previous night at the Children·& Youth unit of The set was a complete one, with a working it. another hospital. Between seven that morning light, objectives and cones. On the butt of the His response was something betwe~n bland and three in the afternoon I had grabbed a handle a physician's natne had been inscribed surprise and vague .djsinterest, and I wasn~ couple. ho_urs of .shuteye, and I we~t in the with an electric pencil. quite sure how to read it. We talked for.a short work feeling like I could spit molten lead. For ·"Y'know, the guy's name is right. here." while and I made a promise to try to. g~t over a while my mind was on vacation. By six in the "Yuh," he says, "I'll take care of that." and return his scope with the- hour. ·evening I .was fully awake and hungry, so I Eventually I declined his offer, preferring Afterward, I shared what aU ·had 'just hap took a break to get something to eat. Since the not to c~mdone and reward his criminal behav- pened with the rest of the staff on the unit and hospita.l cafeteria was closed and I had a half ior, and he left. · CONTINUED · O~ PAGE 13 hour to spend I ran o~er to a nearby fastfood . During the f rench fries I mulled it over: the chicken outlet. punk is obviously a thief for sure, and God No sooner had I sat down andtorn open the knows what he really wanted the money for greasy cardboard box to get to my deep fried ... then again ... the physician/victim, who ·has a Corpses fall, roaches crawl, dinner when a Black youth sat directly across vital and valuable role in society as a healer, from me. at the table and sat a tan leather has been, denied the rightful possession of his by Jon Lasher proud." In Creepshow, the gross-out drowns satchel on his lap. , medical tools. Besides which, he's probably all pride, and the result is a crazy, off the wall "Hev man. vou a doctor?" pretty pissed off about it, too. Which is the Advertisements for Creepshow, Stephen movie which, if not a "good film," is at least a greater harm;· to knowingly (and therefore King's third j1;mrney across the silver screen lot of fun. ' semi-conspiratorily) allow the doctor to suffer promise "the most fun you11 ever-have being The movie is in a comic book format, and the theft, to let the kid have the money and scared ... Perhaps a warning would be more several times, comic book animation is confirm what he did, or to close my eyes and suitable: "Do not see this film on a full stom hum and pretend that nothing happened at ach." The movie, an anthology of five stories Only a severely disturbed, < ~~ . . modeled after the EC Comics of decades past, , By the time the last of the thin soda made its is not quite as horrifying as it is disgusting. created this atrodous mont way to my digestive tract my mind was made There are a few m·oments when you will find up. The gn:atest good would be to buy the yourself on the edge -0f your seat, but most blended into the live action, binding the five opthalmoscope and return it to its owner. likely, youll spend more time slouching down, stories together, however foosely. King and Outside the kid was still -hanging around trying not to look, but unable to remove your Romero-start slowly, With .. Father's Day," a eyes from the onscrcen blood, coipses, insects, simple return-from-the.,grave-to-get-revenge and monsters. The film is, in a word, sick. tale. There' is a generous.:heJping of dark, foggy The truth is that I didn't Only a seve.rely disturbed, completely ·. graveyard thrills, walking corpse chiUs, and a steal it ... but I was in the demented mind could have created this atro few gruesome murders, but nothing special. cious montage of madness. Two minds, actu The second story is a light, often humorous police cars of my mind. ally, those of director George A. -Romero account of Jordy Verrill, played by King, an (Night of the living Dead), and Stephen King incredibly simple-minded farmer who discov (Carrie, Salem's Lot. Cujo, etc.). King once ers that a meteor has landed on his farm. trying to sell this delieate diagnostic instru said that if he could not terrify or horrify his When he touches the sizzling rock, it leaks a ment to the winos and hookers who frequent readers, "111 go for the gross-out. rm not greenish-blue liquid which Jordy humorously the area. (" ... got this far-fucking-out flashlight here, man... j He approached me again. I told him that I'd buy the scope for five dollars. "Aww, man, I need Jen bucks," he said. I told him that it was only worth five. We finally agreed on a selling price of seven .dollars, and he threw a reflex hammer in on the deal. The only thing he kept was the leather case. Our exchange completed, I headed back to People think that any male who wears the hospital after declining to buy the case for whites in a hospital i~ a doctor. No, I tell him, $3. · I'm a paramedic. This was the truth, even From the yellow pages I learned that the though I was only working as a nursing assist- doctor W!IS a pediatric gastroenterologist, a ant part-time while in nursing school. I figured ·:- specialty that I'd never heard of before. The he probably wanted advise about an injury or answering service listed in the directory no a prescription for pain pills. I got myself longer took his calls, and his home phone geared' up. _ number was unlisted . .It looked like I'd be He says that he's never heard of paramedics. stuck with a hot opthalmoscope. I told ~in that he ought to watch more It occured to me that the pediatrician might television. have admitting privledges at the nearby child- '"Look here," he says, changing the subject, ren's hospital, and at least be listed on their "t got something for you." ' staff. They could perhaps get in touch with .He zips Qpen the satchel, app~r:ently made him. out of some fine leather, and whips out an As it happened, the switchboard operator opthalmoscope, fhat thing used to look into told me that the doctor was presently on duty eyes and ears and noses. He wants to sell it for in the emergency room until eight in the ev~n A vindicated Gregory ten dollars, he says, so that he can buy some ing, and then she transferred my call to that food. New, a scope like that can cost 60 or 70 . department. Soon I was talking with my vie" by Michael Rutter .shook his head. "I don't know about y'all," he dollars or more. I told him that I wasn't inter- tim/pediatric pstroenterolo~st. I toJd him wondered more than once during the course of Veteran activist, satirist, and author Dick the evening. Grerory spoke to a packed house at Catons Throughout his two-and-a-half hour pres ville Community College last Saturday night. entation, Gregory kept the performance mov A survivor of the 60's human rights move- ing with a ~iberal dose of biting, topical . ments, Gregory has fasted numerous times to comedy. Sometimes the gags were cheerfully dra\Y attention to .these issues, and, in 1974, innocuous, .but more often than not, the ran 800 miles from Chicago to Washington to laughs provoked were those of recognition. publicize the world hunger problem. . At fifty, Gregory's once-black beard is now ·heavily peppered with white, and he no longer looks anorexic. But though Gregory looksdif ferent, he certainly has not changed his opin ions. He once described the truly successful person as .. the man who has risen to the crest 1 of life's highest purpose-singular and com plete devotion to serving one's fellow man." Saturday evening, Gregory reiterated this notion, though in stronger, more evocative term~. If there was a message, it couldn't have been said any more directly than his ·plea to ..j J:n together with one another and learn to love." He bitterly denounced the current state of the American political system, frequently rubbing his temples and asking the .audience .. how long?" .. How long," be asked, "are y'all gonna let a · handful of petty manipulators play with your _ heads? How long is your criteria for success Photo by Biii Kinsley , Dick Gregory'• ·mtlee at CCc 1ncluCled.curll119 up on the podium, but... aonna be defined by hoodlums and thugs?" He ... he made hie point during the Mnnon. --·------~------· - -··----. - November 22, 1982 Page 11 ASSASSINATION'S 'ANNIVERSARY ~ by Jeff Seidel dent decided not to use the bubble top for his car~ he felt closer to the people without it. Today marks a very solemn anniversary. This proved to be a fateful decision. Nineteen years ago, President John F. The President was -to ride though in a Kennedy was cut down by an assassin's motorcade, then deliver ,a speech at a- Jun- . bullets in Dallas, Texas. However, the con cheon. In the car with Kennedy were his wife -' troversy about who killed him still lives Jackie, Texas' ·Governor John Connally, today, and will certainly continue for a long and Connally's wife. Everything appeared to time. be moving smoothly at first, as throngs of On November 22, 1963 President people lined the streets to greet the Presi Kennedy was in Dallas to do some advance dent. His car was nearing the triple under campaigning for the 1964elections. His pop pass _when Mrs. Co_nnally turned and said to ularity had. been slipping a little, especially in him, "Well, Mr. President, you can't say Texas, and he wanted to rectify the situa Dallas doesn't love you today." It was 12:30 tion. The day dawned bright and the Presi- p.m. Suddeniy, shots rang out. The President _appeared to be. hit in the throat, then the madmen drawl: Creepshow Governor also was hit. Mrs. Kennedy turned to see if she could aid her husband whett the The President, . momenta before he •• _· lubs •meteor shit.' Unfortunately, the · shit couple is slowly swallowed by the inc ing second bullet struck him in the back of his gunned down. :auses the growth of a mosslike vegetation tide. There is a surprise ending, but I on 't head, blowing it apart. The Secret Service who began to search for him. _, hat quickly turns Jordy into a s~icidal plu ruin it. Besides, it isn't all that tough t figure then sprang into action, as an agent climbed A young Dallas policeman named J.D. nosa fem and his fa.rm into a rapidly spread out. · on the back of the car with the stricken Tippit confronted Oswald a few minutes ng jungle. .. The Crate, .. story number four, re President, and others in the area started the after the ~hooting. As Tippit began toques Now King and Romero bring out the good discovery of an unopened crate fro search for the gunman/ inen. tion him, Oswald pulled out a pistol and shot teenth century Arctic exploration. T _People nearby said that the shots him four times, killing him. Finally, the emented mind could ha-ve found by a janitor in the baseine t of -the appeared to have come from a tall building police cornered Oswald in a movie theater science building of a small college. T e janitor nearby called the Texas School Boo-k Dep where, after a struggle, he gave up. tge of madness. a_nd a professor set about getting the crate ository. The manager of one of the shifts . Two days later Oswald himself was dead, open, and we know we're in trouble when the noticed that one of his men was not there; it as nightclub owner Jack Ruby stepped out :tuff. The third story stars Leslie Nielson as a janitor, as ~hey lift the crate onto a table, asks was Lee Harvey Oswald. He notified police, - CONTINUEe--ON PAGE 13 ich video freak in a beachfront mansion wired the teacher if he felt the weight shift, as if there o the hilt with cameras and monitors. When was something alive inside. Too much curios 1is girlfriend is stolen by a younger man, he ity is ·a dangerous thing, and the friendly little ddnaps her and buries her up to her neck on janitor asked one question too many. The Phil Collins scores big on his he beach at low tide. He also leaves a video hideous little· monster inside the crate devours :amera to record her actions. As if that we_ren 't him and two others duripg the course of the :nough, he also abducts her new boyfriend story, and it isn't pretty. For sheer vulgarity second Genesis sabbatical md buries him, on camera, further up the and pure violence, this story far outdistances >each. The boyfriend also gets a monitarso he the others; particularly during the creature's by Tony Sclafani Another point in favor of this album is the :an watch his lover suffer. Leslie Nielson then attacks. It isn't large enough to swallow you . fact that there is no lyric sheet included, ther- -etums to his video palace, pours himself a whole, but it's capable. of taking very large Phil Collins is getting it together slowly but eby representing this LP's typically down-to irink, and watches on monitors as the young bites. surely. He started _out, remember, as just . earth theme. If you wanna read, check out King and Romero saved the best (or worst) another drummer, but later found himself J.D. Salinger on your own time. In fact, the for last. E.G. Marshall plays a ruthless old leading Genesis after Peter Gabriel left for only overstated thing on this entire LP is the business tycoon with a neurotic compulsion evermore adventuresome tasks. Problem was, insid~ spread of the cover (Phil's family. How · for cleanliness and an intense hatred of bugs. after a few fairly successful LP's, Phil & Co. cute awww .. .) and the linernotes. Why does he He. lives in a germ-free, all-white penthouse, found out people were only buying Genesis give credit to everyone he )mows when he from which he reigns over the financial world. albums to save money on Sominex or to test writes, produces and plays almost everything? One night, he spots · a cockroach. Then out snow ploughs-to see if the Genisludge Nice guy. I guess .I don't know him. another. And another. Soon,. the place is was thicker than the snow outside. · Anyway The Phoenix do deserve credit crawling with large, economy-size roaches What to do?' Collins released Face Value, . because they help enlighten more than half the l\ll over the walls. the tables. arid · E. G. something so totally unexpected out of some- tracks here. The best of these cuts include the Marshaj;;,. Suddenly it mo~nng; and the one of his stature (no pun intended) that many fantastic "Cannot Believe It's True," where roaches-every last one-have disappeared. a Genesis fan was known to wet his or her Phil does his best sniggering schoolboy rou There is no sign of the furious battle of man pants. There was brass ("I Missed Again 1 tine to a beautifully heartfelt lyric about a girl's vs. bugs that occurred the night before. All tight songs ("Air Tonight, .. tough drumming, mom not liking him. The beat h~vy "Don't that remains is the old man~s body. Where are up front vocals and humor ("Over The Rain- Care Anymore" is great except for the end, the roaches? The answer fo that question is bow~ ending.) Then the "entire band (Phil.. and the other outstanding cuts are the cerebral three of the sickest, most grotesque minutes of Tony Banks. and Mike Rutherford) released .. The West Side" and .. Thru These Walls". film I have ever witnessed. The girl sitting next ~BA CAB, about half of which worked, but That .brings .us to the .. hit" .. You Can't to me in the theatre buried her eyes in her of which was better than their previous Hurry Love". Why do Brit rockers have an hands when she realized what was happening. oatmeal-inspired release. Now Phil has obsession with this Suoremes rlassic? First the I watched the whole thing. squirming in my released Hello. I Must Be Going about two- Clash did "Hitsville UK," a melodic ditty in the seat. One of us is very smart. the other very thirds of which works. If he . keeps it up the spirit of the original. Then the Jam did .. Town ·CONTINUED ON PAGE 13 next album should be perfect. - Called Malic, "which despite being great, bor- Which brings us to Hello (again.) This new 1 ·dered· on Plag_erizville (~sP.CCially the bass line._) album reveals Collins has fin111ly learned the Now Phil Collin~ goes right to the gut and all important fact of how to keep a song (or covers the tune VERBATIM. He doesn•t packs house at CCC Li>. or career. for that matter) alive: if you change a thing. This would have been cQm don't have anything to say. then don't say mendable if it were original but it ain't (either hose where your little inner voice says .. Jesus. that a 747 is worth about $40 million doliars. anything! Most of these songs, as you might commendable or original, that is.) Don't get 1e's right! For example; his opening scenario and I know that crew is comin' -to get the have guessed by now. are kept within the 4 to 5 me wrong, old soul covers are great, but select 1oldly drew a distinction between the attitudes plane." His solution is to wrap himself minute range. with a minimum of worthless ing your own personal one helps (sort of like ' 1f blacks and whites as he complained about around the cockpit's flight recorder (the lit frills and pointless embellishment. Needless Van Halen.) he way ai.rports are run . .. The damn places are tle black box). because they always find that. metronomic rambling, and pissing about with ·Despite these short-comings, Hello, I Must .II run by white folks! Now, y'all go down to At times there was much anger in Grego synths (Genesis' weakest point) is almost'com- Be Going is a surprisingly good LP and youil · he Greyhound station downtown. and see ry's voice, You can tell when a man has been pletely done awa_y with. If you wanna hear pr9bably like it even if you hate Genesis. I hat we got them under control. See, .. he con through a lot, and emotionally the trials take jamming.. listen to George Thorogood or Rit- guess they're not just. for breakfast·anymore. luded, "y'all take shit that niggers will not their toll. While som·e of his conjecture and chie Blackmore. vlerate! denouncement was dead-on. some of it was Gregory made more than one reference to wildly improbable, bordering on paranoia. 11is friend the Reverend Jesse Jackson, and A particularly knowing example of the n fact, his own perfor!"ance had a quasi- former-is his rap on the handieapped ...You ~'How long is your criteria for success gonna be defined by hoodlums and thugs? How long?" gospel tone. His use of refrains like ... just know, " he began, "when the Lord sends :lon't know. Lord" and "How long?" were Christ back; I think we could handle it if he met by scatterd responses from the audience. were black. or even a \\!Oman. We've evolved ·An right," .. Right on," and "Tell it. that far, I think. But," he cautioned, .. please 1>rother" were most-common. with a few God, don't send him back crippled." 'A-men's" thrown in. I, for one, was thank Addressing the handicapped in the . ~ul for the lack of Hallelelujiahs and Praise audience, he ·continued. "Y'know, if I were :he Lords. y'all, I'd sit closer to the ~xits, cause they His material varied widely, but hardly a don't give a damn about you. In fact, I oke went by without a sociopolitical moral· wouldn't blame you if you jammed your >r a venemous barb.- Returning to the topic chair in the dQor on the way out." >f planes, Gregory said that if he was ever in Moving on to the mili_tary. Gregory out- 1crash, he knows what 'todo. "~o~, I fi~ure ,CONTINUED ON PAGE · 13 . . n -22 n - -- n-_y---7-----a--'-_------.....-· . rMoonraker · · . I !! Comi.ng in .December!! Tuesday November 23 · _ Friday the 13th . November 30 and December 1 ONLY ' ./ LH JI 6:00, 8:00,and 10:00 Modern Problems / ·Th,anksgiv.ing Special December 7 and 8 $1.00 Ticket Priq0 Kentucky· Fried ' Movie with .th~$. .coupon December· 14 and 15 ______, -~------_..._____ -.-- .. - _:,_ I November 22, 1982 .Page '8 FROM PAGE 10 we talked about it. Somebody got serious and only one in the chicken place wearing white. said that what I had done was to receive stolen She believed me. In the middle of me recita property, a criminal offense in itself. For all I ·tion of the events the doctor walked in. know, the doctor could have me arrested. A veritable monolith of a physician, he While that was entirely his perogative, I rea- stood taller than my six-foot frame and two of soned, I'd like to think that the doctor would me wide. Inside the imposing room he recognize my intentions, and if need be I whipped out his wallet in the same motion of wouldn't press the issue of the seven dollar leaning on the edge of the counter. I felt posi- reimbursement. tively culpable. Somebody else extrapolated that the doctor .. Hey, great. Here's your money," he says, could suspect that I had stolen his ·scope giving me a ten dollar bill. I fumbled for my myself. "Hinrnm .. .'" they all said in unison. billfold and gave him three in change. My face · - Aw, folks, tb~s is getting intense. I didn't mean felt like · it was burning. The doctor kept for a simple favor to stir up such a c'ommotion. ~alking: The truth is that I· didn't steal It, so \\'.hyshoiilp · " ... Yeah, boy, I caught the 'kid . I went over I let that .t~ought bother me? I believ_e th~t there just af~er you called and I' beat him up• what I'm doing is a basically good 'act. We sent but good. That sohovabitch was still standing back to work a little qvieter, seeing to the there waving my leather bag over his head and patients, but I was in the police cars of my trying to sell it. Kicked the living shit out of · mind. him .. .'~ At eight I went to my appointed taskr .. Did you really?" I asked incredulously. The emergency department was starkwhite, "'You didn't call the police?" . Gregory sterile, and hushed. ·'1 entered the cramped "Hell, no. I beat him up. Ripped his clothes tF80M PAGE 11 glass cage of a nurse's station and asked for the right off his back and left him running across lined his concept of National Defence. He their weapons from the same Dallas pawn doctor. The only ones in the room were the the street in his underwear." claimed our first line of defense was the · shop which is, in reality, a CIA front for nurse and I. Yeah, sure. That was okay . farmer, naturally because food is of primary issuing assassina.tion equipment. Pionting .. Oh, you must be the one who, uh ... found "'The thing that got me the most was that he importance, and that our second line was out that George Bush was the former direc the opthalmoscope." stole this leather bag. It was given to me when I our students, who should be learning tor of the CIA, Gregory went oil to say that "'Bought. I bought· the opthalmoscope." left Bogota. A Colombian general gave it to enough to deal with world crises. The third as bad as the Reagan Admini.stration is, "'Sure, right, He's in 2." me t,tt a going away party ... made out of real line is our elderly, ·because of the long, I things could be worse. - .. Is he seeing somebody?" · nice sue'de. Worth more that the scope and the ·experience-filled liv~s they have le Photo by Jason Lee Chris M•rslglla, pictured above, along with Aobl Tamargo, wlll take part In Hockey Fe1tlvel '82 In Orlando, Florlda later this week. 1982 UM.BC CHRISTMAS CAMPAIGN November 22-Deceniber 15 . You can help someone have a very Merry Christmas by contribu_ting to: · "Mrs. Santa" -canned food donations or "Country Kris Kringle" -gift certificates Donations accepted in UC Room 21 O For more information pl~ase call x3462 Sponsored by UGPB Center Affairs November 22, 1982 · ~ !P.Ve 15 Hoopsters set for playoff.shot by Jake Frego starter.. He will be very valuable to Jones' offensive system will be our team this year. He's consistent predicated on how well the Refriev and he's a leader," Jones said. Join . ers can get the ball down the floor When basketball coach Billy ing Withers at the other guard posi and. under the basket to their big Jones first arrived on campus in tion will be either sophomore ·· men. "We're going to be a transition 1974 to assume control·of the infan Jerome Countee or junior Henry club. We're going to run and put tile Retriever basketball program, Mc.Mullan. Both, however, will see pressure on the opposing ·defense," his job seemed like it might be better considerable action at the point. emphasized Jones. "But we're not su"ited for a wizard. Faced with a Junior center Keith Mong will be going to just run and gun. We'll do floundering team that was a model an integral part of the Retrievers' our best to work the ball to the base of ineptitude, Jones was' saddled inside game. "We're going to look line and get it into our big men. I'd with the unenviable task of building for Keith to provide us with inside rather attack the defense down a respectable program. , defense and rebounding," said under the basket as opposed to But build he did, taking a team Jones. Ho~ever , Mong is recovering shooting 25-foot juvioers." that annually lost twice as many from off-season knee surgery, and The Retrievers will play a · pre games as it won, to a position where may not be at full strength when the dominately man-to.:man · defense,· the program now ranks with the very opening horn sounds. but Jones cautions that they are · elite of Division II. schools. In his The small forward position will be · more than a single-faceted team. nine year ten.ure as head · coach, handled by Brian Dawson, who is "We're going to have to be smart Jones lias assembled a solid, consist only a freshman. But don't let that . we'll have to adjust to· particular ent winner that yearly cont_ends for deceive you. "Brian is a very .fine situations. We have the ability to post-season play. · player. He's tough, hard-nosed, and · play either a fast 9r slow paced style. This year should be no exception. can score," pointed out Jones. Some teams just can't play differe11t The Retrievers appear to have every Jones has aiways stressed the styles, and that's where we'll pick up thing it takes-size, strength, and importance of a strong bench, never a few advantages." . quickness-to challenge for a hesitating to substitute at will during UMBC will have no easy road to playoff spot in the NCAA Division a game. "This .is an 11 man club," the playoffs, for Jones insists the I I South Atlantic Region. "I expect insisted Jones. "All of my players Retrievers play "as tough a schedule to be a ·playoff caliber club this will see action. I feel that having. a as we've ever had. We have at least year," said Jones in his unassuming strong bench"is a must if we're going 12 games against nationally ranked manner. to have a successful season." teams. . The Retrievers'· talent is impres Fortunately for Jones, his bench "But I feel strongly that we will be sive. Three starters from last year's · this year looks prosperous. Fresh in the upper echelon of clubs," said 17-8 club return, headed by. 6'7" men Breck Robinson and Michael the affable Jones. "When we find senior Rick Moreland. "Moreland is Flood, and sopho~ore transfer ourselves and start to gel , we're one of the top forwards in the coun Duane Gigeous. will add size and going to be a very good team." try," lauded Jones. "He'll be counted power to the Retriever scheme of The Retrievers will tip-off their on to provide leadership, and we things. _Freshmen Maurice Clipper season tomorrow night when they expect him to have a very good and Brian Blake can run and put the face Shippensburg State at the field year." ball in the hoop when needed, and house. Game time is 7: 15 p.m. Photo by Ben Ehrman Senior guard Mike Withers is sophomore Dan Napolitano will be back, which i-s good nt:ws for. counted on to contribute at both Rick Moreland drives to the basket during. UMBC'• lntr•squad game, as the Retrleven ready tor their season opener tomorrow night. .Retriever fans. ''Mike is a four year ·eQds of the court. Frisbee CILrb forms ·ultimate tea-m by Bryan ~all working carefully you can produce a way to realize it is'l9 play schools of score; however, if you drop the fris competitive ability. Also [by com peting·agamst these schools] we can "We are enjoying the Physics of bee or have it intercepted, your side Flight while engaging in intense loses possession. give the school good publicity," con cluded Hummer. exercise," ·said Geoff Hummer as he According to Hummer, the described the reason why twenty UMBC Ultimate Team, "scrim-. crazies (this·writer included) would maged the Columbia Gold teamand NFL Scores humbled them twice 26-2, 24-6. Sunday chase a floating round hunk of plas- After that drubbing.ihey. refused to tic playing a sport called Ultimate New York Jets 37 Colts O Frisbee. · play us," continued Hummer. Chicago 20 Detroit 17 Hummer, the brainchild of the "Our main goal of the Frisbee Atlanta 34 LA Rams 17 UMBC Frisbee Club · says, "Ulti- Club will be to support the Ultimate Green Bay 26 Mfonesota 7 mate Frisbee is one of the fastest Team. However, the Frisbee Club !Dallas 14 Tampa Bay 9 growing sports in America while. will be sponsoring golf tournaments, frisbee throwing clinics, and various Miami 9 Buffalo 7 being a non-combative sport." .. Cleveland 10 New England 7 ''UI · ,, · h t · · t other frisbee activities. Addition- umate is somew a simi 1ar o . . . Pittsburgh 24 Houston ·10 ·t ·nvolves.a ally, we will be holdmg occasional b as k et b a 11 and soccer as 1 i . . · . . Cincinnati· 18 Philadelphia·14 lot of teamwork and expert passing. fun~ raismg ev~nts to spo,nsor the New Orleans 27 Kansas City 17 The ob"ect of the game is to score l!lt1mate Tea.mm t~urnaments _ out- . · ~ · f · · side of school," said Hummer... It San Fransisco 31 St. ' Louis 20 points by catching the nsbee (or . b t d t · f It · · 11 · ) · h wi 11 e open to a 11 s u en s, acu y, Washington 27 NY Giants 17 disk as some players ca it overt e . d. ff ,, h dd d' Seattle 17 Denver 10 1. T d h h. t an sta , ea1 so a e . goal me. ,o . o• t at you . ave. o G eo ff t h" m k s th e new 1y ·f ormmg· advance the disk by throwmg lt to a Ul . T ., · · h t d Mc:mday night Photo by Mike ti8~9v . · · umate earn wi 11 ave remen - Members of the Frisbee ~lub ton t~e disc around during a practice lait week. downfield teammate. Runmng with · . . . ~San Diego at LA Raiders t h e c;aug h t f ns· b ee is· no t a 11 owe d . By ous potential - this spnng but the only r------~------I · Courtesy car~ · . .,I ------...., I . I ·Notice I I ,-;' .,_( ,Ne -w ;personal~ pollcy ! c\)at:~,C'/~ ' i ....- .... 1 . Due to the cons·istent and abundant_ s~pply of· personals~ · we are now I pas ~~ I expanding th~ .- Bulletm, -,~oard section oft~~ :Ret.fiev~r~, .. '.' ... · · ·<° . " - .J. . . .,_ .. ""' Join the "tier's Lunch .Bunch ...... ;: .... i I .:.. Submit · p~r,sonals on an:a% by 11" piece Qf · J?~per if'~ _ seal~~ ..en\1elqpe, aJong · I This coupon good for 1 .free drink the next time I wHh 50~, to_the Retriev~r of~i~e, rm 219 in the Qntversityl)enter. .No ·fast names I you eat lunch :~t .McP's, offer good 11-3 daily. I or phon~ n'umbers are p~rh"titted on the ad.' The Retriever reserves the right to 1ed,it any personal deemed libelous. · ., 1 "CATONSVILLE'S FIRST IRISH PUB!" I t~ I · . . I .All personals wlll_now be printed, or yo.ur·money *m-be -refunded. Tho.se I 583 Frederick ·Ho UMBC list. In the past, whenever the SBHE has given In recent weeks a sense of unease has · us a target of qpportunity in the form of a emerged about UMBC's future path. The new program, we have felt compelled to take issue is no longer our survival. That is not in UMBC: it.· If we don't someone else will, goes the doubt. Instead we have a number of impor a.rgument. Furthermore, perhaps new tant choices to make at a time of real uncer money will follow in the future. tainty for· higher education generally, and Forging a future But the new money is by no means inevita UMBC specifically. This essay is written with ble. Towson State expanded very rapidly in the conviction that continued debate on the . In the last four years, UMBC's qualitative the Seventies, but has never caught up in campus about UMBC's future is essential. A few years after I came to UMBC in and quantitative growth has .been truly funding. Today as a consequence, a TS\J Any university WQrthy of the name should 1972, I asked a reporter why there seemed so extraordinary. It is hard to think of any student has a 50/ 50 chance of being taugh~ engage in rational discussions and planning little interest in designing a realistic plan for other public institution that has combined by part-time faculty. UMBC is a long way about its future.· Moreover, at UMBC, it is the campus. He replied that I did not under both forms of growth so effectively. Since from that ratio, ·but the direction toward evident that to leave the decisiqn entirely to stand the political motivations of the Uni 1978, we have added more than 2,000 stu more use of part-time faculty has become external authorities is to turn our future over versi ty of . Maryland (UM) central dents, for a growth of 40 percent, and worrisome. If we continue to add more pro to a process that is erratic, at best, and domi administration for building a campus in increased our ·combined SAT scores 65 grams with.out new lines, appropriate equip nated by hostile political fo~s, at worst. Catonsville in the first place. It was never points, or 8 percent. That is a credit to our ment, and general budgeting support; it is The necessity for confronting UMBC's intended, he said: to· be a major campus. admissions personnel, our housing and stu unlikely that our overall institutional quality future is increased by the hearing the Regents Quite the contrary, UMBC's real purpose, dent services' staff, the administration, the will have improved much by 1990. Further, will have on the campus in March. The focus he asserted, was to provide a catchment for faculty, and our alumni, whose superior the new programs will require generally of that public meeting is the recommendation overflow students who could not attend training has begun to be noticed. expensive hard-to-recruit faculty specializa in the Carnegie study, 1he Post Land Grant crowded College Park and to keep any other But instead of earning a general "well tions. Without proper funding, UMBC's tra University (generally called after its author, Baltimore public institutions from becom done," we have excited considerable jeal dition of. having terminal degree faculty The Moos Report), that UMBC, the UMAB ing competitiors to the "main campus". UM ousy. More and more, College Park grum~ from the best universities will be eroded. We professio~al schools, and possibly the Univer central authorities would do whatever they bles about resources being diverted to may begin to resemble a Third World coun sity of Baltimore unite to form the University had to do to make UMBC a.viable competi · UMBC, even though the SBHE has recom try, overpopulated and undercapitalized of Maryland, Baltimore. (UMB). At the tor for other Baltimore public institutions, mended a 3.8 million dollar enhancement with constant contests over space. Already moment that option seems politically unlikely. But the obvious question is: if not merger, what? At present the campus com ... to leave the decision entirely to exte~nal authorities is to turn our future over to a munity is a long way from consensus or even process that is errati~, at best, and hostile political forces, at worst.. an intelligenf articulation of the alternatives. Getting the Regents' and the media's atten-· tion for a sympathetic discussion of UMBC's but they would never let it rival College fund for them next year. Morgan, which has the tension between riew programs and future has never ~en easy. We should no~ Park. That was why the University never been in administrative disarray and has lost existing programs is very visible in the Grad ~~ste this opportunity. really committed itself to a plan for UMBC. students for several years, has been awarded uate Council. Th.e Faculty Senate recom Conspiracy theories generally oversimplify, a 22 percent increase by the SBHE in the new mended the creation of a faculty I administra Alternative. Models and I debated the reporter's argument at the budget . . For UMBC, the SBHE is not so on budgeting and planning committee, but it There are probably four major models time. But I wish events since then would stop generous. They have recommended against is too soon to tell whether it will have any that we might consider. supplying evidence for his theory.' planning funds for a new Engineering build- .!!im~pa,ac1w,1to..------:------ I. A small university with a modest Occasionally a model will be suggested for ing, and against funds for 300 full-time equi- national reputation characterized by limited UMBC. UCLA is sometimes mentioned. valent (FTE) students already enrolled on Quite the contra.· ry, incremental and eclectic program growth. Unfortunately, that is not a plausible goal the campus that the University has placed on , II. A small university with a substantial unless we merge with UMAB. UCLA has its special list. · UMBC's real purpose, he national reputation for its carefully focused, 30,000 students and a full range of profes Perhaps more important than these par- tightly integrated programs, and its selective sional schools. If there is anything clear in ticular recorrimendations is the emergence of asserted, ·was to provide a student body. A sort of public Carnegie UMBC's future, it is that the state will not · two ·theories in the SBHE. One is that, Mellon, perhaps. build a duplicate set of professional schools because of expected enrollment declines, catchment for overflow Ill. A medium size comprehensive univer on the Catonsville ca"mpus or move the exist new buildings will not be a priority in the students who could not sity with a wide though not complete range ing ones from Baltimore City. · eighties. Instead, new programs should be of graduate and professional programs that A few years ago one used to hear that placed on underutilized campuses. The· attend crowded College can attract students nationally and interna UMBC might become a public version of second is that the projected enrollments in tionally. This is essentially the Moos Dartmouth or Brown. We are about the the SBHE statewide plan should be regarded Park ... recommendation. right size, but there is the little matter that · as funding ceilings. Should that view prevail, IV. A university center which offers most these Ivy League institutions have a biLofa the maximum f undable enrollment for of its graduate and many of its undergradu head start in tradition and reputation as well UMBC in 1991-92 would be 6175 FTE stu- Model II ate programs on a cooperative or inter·, as endowments of more than $300,000,000. dents. This is al~ost exactly what we are The selective, small, carefully planned campus basis. There are few, if any J More recently, it has been suggested that actually enrolling this year! Since we are university is-the second model. In Model 11, substantially under-funded· according to our we would decide to work out our destiny actual enrollment this year, increasing our within the SBHE's enrollment and budget funding over the decade to ·our current ing limitations .. Consequently, we would no actual FTE figures would permit an average longer be able· to welcome students with real (non-inflation) growth of less than one uncertain academic potential, whom we now percent per year until 1992. That amount of .admit above our FTE compensated for growt~ rate is not enough _to cover the new mula. Admission, retention, and gra.duate We may l;>egin to resemble a Third World country, · overpopulated and undercapitalized with constant contests over space. programs planned, let alone to create dis standards would be raised substantially. tinction in existing ones. We have beaten New program initiatives would be scrutin SBHE recommendations before, but we ized vigorously, and ·if new money was not should realize that if these proposals prevail, forthcoming, then old programs would have we will be facing an essentially steady state to be terminated to permit curriculum -funding and space future throughout the change. Continuous subdivision of a rela decade. tively finite budgetary pie would no longer . Kin81ev be permitted. The question asked of all pro comparable institutions any~her~ else in the UMBC might grow on its own 10,000 or• Model I grams, new and old, would be whether they country, but the short distances between 11,000, a sufficient size to create the critical What are the implications of these con were or could become distinguished in ·at Baltimore and College Park and the possi mass of scholars and students to launch a textual factors for the four models outlined least regional terms. If the answer was nega bilities created by new electronic technolo-. variety of graduate programs. But there is a earlier? tive, there would not be room for them in a gies might make such an arrangement· political reality we cannot ignore. Nobody Let's take Model I, the small university of small size, selective UM BC of tomorrow. feasible in Maryland: · else in Maryland wants us to grow to that modest reputation with eclectic incremental The state authorities would probably per size or would tolerate it.Not the other public program growth. The advantage of this mit us to follow Model l I. We can control our Political Context institutions in Baltimore, not the private option is that it is probably attainable. admissions, retention, graduation standards, Before turning to each of the models, it is institutions in the_state (including Hopkins), Indeed, the dynamics of Maryland's higher and internal realignment of existing pro. important to consider some of the realities of perhaps · most importantly, not College education policy may make it difficult to grams. If we were successful, UMBC might our institutional context. Since the .UMBC Park. While the .State Board for Higher avoid even if we wanted to. It is probably · have a national reputation as a first-rate aca campus is new and represents a major finan Education (SBHE) is probably wrong in foe- what the SBHE intends. While the current demic institution. But there is a down-side to cial investment by the state, it is amazing using on the decline in 18 year-olds to pro- budget frowns on o'ur enrollment growth, Model II, the rise in student standards would that a comprehensive- plan for its develop ject a decline in higher education enrollment the SBH E program committee has just probably decrease the economic and ethnic ment was never created. Yes, there is a docu overall (because of the continuing growth of added four new graduate programs diversity which has been one of UMBC's ment somewhere which contains a map with adult education and retrainin~ needs as we (African-American Studies, Training Sys- · . most valuable characteristics. Without new . all sorts of buildings scattered around a cam move into an -information society,) it iS ah terns and Development, Scientific and Tecn funds, the regional distinction criteria for new pus of 1S,000 students. Bu.t that goal was illusion for us to believe we can continue our nical Writing, and Modern Language). and existing programs would probably mean probably never fiscally or political1y f~asible current growth rate. No one else in higher There are also 14-'other programs which the that future graduate development will be min- and that document plays no part in anybody's education is expecting substantial growth. ' SBHE has previously accepted for the .~~-~~------~--·-----·-~-·- - ---~-- - November 22, 1982 I P... 17 Opposition faces a campus that failed at ,remaining mediocre iscule or limited to certain scientific and tech Yet, at the moment, it seems unlikely that nological areas. Institutions such as the the idea will receive the kind of research and University of California, Santa Cruz campus planning necessary to consider it seriously. or the University of Michigan's Oakland cam Some at UMBC are anxious about whether pus which have tried the public elite, small we would be swallowed up by such a merger, size, undergraduate, liberal arts model, have although we would be contributing the larg not been particularly successful. Academic est number of students and have the most status in the public sector continues to remain · space for expansion. Others are worried in the prestige of professional and graduate about the 'budgetary impact of a medical schools. In neither Model .I nor II is UMBC school, although most great universities likely to progress very far in graduate or pro:. have medical schools and have managed to fessional education in the Eighties. live with them. Nevertheless, these are Indeed it may be .Jack of substantial post serious concerns that should receive careful baccalaureate development that will be our attention in .any merger governance plan. Achilles heel. As a generalization in the Uni- . Unfortunately, at present, no such plan ted States, institutional classifications in · seems likely to emerge or even to be dis salaries and teaching loads are based on cussed. Certainly we do not seem close to the whether the institutional program is under kind of effort that eventually led to the crea graduate or mixed undergraduate/ gradilate.· tion of the University of Illinois, Chicago The high salary, low teaching load, research from. the old Chicago Circle and Downtown university invariably has :s,µbstantial gradua Medical Center campus. te/ professional schools. UMBC has a faculty Not surprisingly, political c9nsiderations with the training and research productivity to dominate the debate. All of the public and teach graduate students but, which in fact, · private institutions not parties to the merger teaches overwhelmingly undergraduates. · could be expected to oppose it. Although the Last year only two percent of UMBC was at University might have the power to affect a the graduate level, while 65 percent was in UMBC/ UMAB merger on its own (they lowp division undergraduate courses. Natu- were once governed by a single chancellor after all), the political opposition of the other schools is still a formida]?le constraint. But, probably, the most important oppo [UM would] make UMBC nent is College Park. They are on record as opposed to a Baltim.ore merger. The ostensi a viable competitor... , but ble reason is that the state cannot afford two · comprehensive research public institutions. they , would never let it But the argument is transparently political, rival College Park. not fiscal. No one thinks that the creation of UMB would result in the construction of a new School of Agriculture or Journalism in rally faculty at other Baltimore public univer Baltimore, anymore than UMCP would sities feel that UMBC faculty teaching loads acquire a law school or medical school. The are unfair since they deliver more graduate beauty of the proposed merger is that it and professional instruction than we do. would require almost no capital construc Nothing much is likely to result from this tion, and UMBC and UMCP would stay perception as long as the current segmental . under the same Board of Regents and arrangement remains stable. But if we should President. ever have a consolidation of public higher Most states do have two major public education under a single board, (an idea institutions. Maryland is the eighteenth larg whii:h still has powerful support in the state, est state in population and the seventh though the Governor did not advocate that wealthiest per capita. There is no inherent concept in his post-election statement) reason why the I .8 million people in the cooperative intercampus programs. So even ' . the Regents meet at UM BC we need to give UMBC's anomalous situation of a graduate Baltimore region should not have their own if there are no technological advances, much more thought about what UMBC will quality faculty with graduate-like salaries and major public university. But the merger · UMBC is likely to be a far more become when it grows up. teaching loads which esentially teaches under would create a new equity between Balti interdependent campus in the future. The outcome of decisions about UMBC's graduate co_urses would be subject to review. more and College Park, and would mean There are advantages to these role in the state system will affect the quality It would certainly be.plausible under the cir more competition for scholars, athletes, arrangements politically and academically. of education of every current student, the cumstance to place UMCP and UMAB in the musicians, and private gifts. So College · But there are . some dangers as well. In reputation of the degrees of our graduates, top tier of a unified system, UM BC, Towson, · Park is_opposed, and what UMCP bpposes intercampus programs faculty standards are as well as the salarif s and status of ~ll who Morgan and UB in the middle tier, and the within the system usually does not succeed. more difficult to maintain. Accountability work here. The deba te should not be unduly other four-year schools in the third tier. In for a student's progress is harder to .Pessimistic. UM BC's story is one of Wisconsin that arrangement was worked out Model IV ascertain. That is one of the reasons UMBC remarkable progress against' formidable with the Madison and Milwaukee campus The final model (IV) is difficult to fully has always opposed the State University of odds. We do not face a probable decline in · faculty teaching four or five courses, Parkside describe because there is nothing quite like it Metropolitan Baltim<;>re (SUM BA) enrollment or budget as exists elsewhere, and Green Bay with seven course teaching elsewhere. Further, no one can predict tech- approach wheneve.r it has been raised. only uncertainty about our growth. Seventy- loads and Oshkosh State, etc. with eight nological development during the decade. Perhaps most threatening is that a campus five percent of.the public institutions in the (which is what the faculty at Towson State This much is clear. The walls between cam- with as little tradition and political clout as United States . would probably trade our teaches now.) puses are breaking down. Perhaps by the UMBC might simply become a delivery future for theirs. But the UMBC tradition is · end of the decade, ca~pus identifications station for faculties identified elsewhere. not to settle for mere survival or average Model III will be as educationally irrelevant as most There is a danger that cooperative programs performance. One defense against that downgraded urban precinct or rural township political can become facades with instructional The UMBC faculty and administration possibility is the merger of UMBC, UMAB, identifications are now. Instruction will be participation dictates:f by the politically have been recruited from all over the United and possibly the University of Baltimore delivered electronically by experts employed strongest campus. For example, in .theory States to build a great university in --..;,_------.....;.___ · Baltimore for the people of Maryland. With ty-five percent of the public institutions in the Un1·ted States . Id b bl the proper tools and .the cooperation of Seven. · . WOU pro a y others, we can get the JOb done. trade our future for theirs. · . · · . · This article was written by George R. LaNoue, Director. Policy Sciences Graduate Program and Professor of envisioned in Model ~Ill. The new, two- by universities ang _other institutions at sites the University of Maryland graduate school . Political Science. Dr. LaNoue is UMBC's campus UMB would enroll 12,500 (head- dictated by convenience. Libraries will is a single entity transcending all of the faculty representative to the State Board for count) students, 30 percent of them at the simply be routing stations in one great inter campuses. Its degrees are, in fact, University Higher Education (SBHE) and to President graduate/ professional school level. . If UB library system. Much academic work may . degrees rather than campus 'degrees. But, Toil's Advisory Committee on Graduate were included, the number would be a~out take place in the home. except for a few specially . negotiated Study and Research. 18,000 students. 33 percent at the post- If that seems farfetched, at least consider programs, instruction is controlled on baccalaureate level. By anyone's standards the proposition that campus identifications individual campuses. One- consequence is UMB would be a comprehensive research will diminish in importance .in the future. ·that no matter how talented some UMBC university. It would surely rank in the top Most students now attend more than one faculty are, they are rarely invited to teach in NOTICE/ I 00 in the county immediately and possibly campus to obtain their education. Older stu programs on other University campuses or in the top 50 eventually. dents who will · increase in number have petmitted to begin programs at UMBC that The Moos report recommended ~uch a fewer campus attachments. At UMBC today would duplicate those on the other ·The Re,triever will not. merger because it was felt that Baltimore only ~ -minority of those graduating have campuses. It is a no-win situation. publish next Monday, needed and would greatly benefit from suc.h spent all four years on this campus. a university and because the academic . Consider some other UMBC trends. In Tlie Task Ahead November 29, because of strengths of the three campuses ~omplement · addit_ion to the increase in transient, part Other I people will surely think of the holidays. Our next each other so welL The only major program time faculty, the UMBC Social work and. additional models and I encourage their redundancy is the UM and UB law schools Nursing faculty report to -a UMAB Dean expression. What is important is that we issue will be published and that is not an insolvable problem. u .MB · and the new Engineering faculty will report discuss our future. While the political on December 6. could possi_bly attract fine stud~nts _nati.on- to a UMCP Dean. Already some 36 UMCP realities ·are that we cannot completely ally and internationally . and. i~ cert~i.nly courses are delivered to the UMBC campus control our .destiny, we can influence it. I Enjoy your could strengthen the Umversity s poht.1cal by microwave. Further, of the UMBC future hope every campus organization will.take up Thanksgiving_! and financial base in the Baltimore region. programs just put on the _SBHE list, all are the question. Between now and March when Page 18 ~ .· -..· .•. ·-- ~ "" Retriever ·Game time As you gobble down the holiday meal UMBC team in unison. give thanks for what you have, namely "That's right," commented the UMBC. Recent events have brought up announcer. "U MBC's existing three the age-old question of the future of year Engineering program and its UMBC. Not ·to be sarcastic, but, strong academic reputation make it the although this is important, it's obvious choice. That's why _we're going beginning to sound like a game show. to delay the decision. After all,.we don't Imagine, "Hi folks and . welcome. to want one university too strong. ;Let's Make a University.' Representing Now for the next question. ls UMBC the defending champions is the team the likely candidate to become a major consisting of tht: University of metropolitan university?" Maryland Board of Regents, The State "Of cou~se not," shouted the Board of Higher Education (SBHE), Sunpapers. "Anybody but them." and the Baltimore Sunpapers. Always a ''Wrong" replied the announcer. contender~ the state colleges and "Yes," yelled the UMBC team. "The universities led by Co11ege Park, easily accessible location, strong Towson and Morgan State Universities. faculty, new facilities, and growing Finally, the underdog in the contest, the student body · show the UMBC is a University of Maryland ... um, university on the way up." eh ... Baltimore County with Potential, "That's right," said the announcer. Hardwork, and oCdication heading up "We11 we're out of time,!' he the team. continued. Well, there are the teams and now the . "Yeah, we won. We won!" chanted rules. There aren't any, just survive and the UMBC team. win. And now for the first question. "I'm sorry," explained the What is the best Baltimore area 1-oc.ation · announcer, "but didn't you know? The for the proposed four-year Engineering game never ends. Nobody ever wins." slightly. In fact, it could even be fighting -with your Thanksgiving fare, program?" Sound familiar? ICs mildly humorous, and would be if this campus remember how many turkies that the "Why, us of course," screamed the exaggei;ated in ·some ways, but only wasn't fighting for its life. So, as you're school has to stomach. letters family. paper strictly reserved for campus-related Steinberg and others, including myself, will Alcohol· · When I read the first article in the Nov. 8 events. These two pages would not be for convert our energies toward diminishing the To the Editor: issue of the Retriever, my respect for you as a ads, but for photos, stories, press re.leases, ·growing blatant problems of acts of anti conscientious newspaper was lost. When the etc. To compensate for the printing ot . two semitism anq racism in the United States I did hot know Brian Miller, the junior Nov. 15 issue ran another story, this time on additional pages, THE NUMBER OF PAP p;uticularly in our own state of Maryland, who died two weeks ago in an.apparent sui the character of the student, I was outraged. ERS printed could be cut drastically. The e s peci~lly in Montgomery County. cide. I am not writing about his tragic death I feel that the Retriever is quickly trans Retriever office is full of hundreds (maybe Kevin Stevenson or about the man, but rather about a state forming into a gossip column, when issues even thousands) of unused copies. ment in the front page article in the that should be discussed among friends, are Finally, I do not consider myself an November 15 Retriever. used as cover stories. authority on running a newspaper. How A friend of Brian's said about his heavy The Baltimore Sun and the News Ameri ever, a college campus newspaper should drinking the night before his death, "He can both refuse to report suicides on the deal with and relate to CAMPUS LIFE, all Stre~gthened wasn't on any other drug." grounds that it is poor journalistic practice. phases of it., NOT JUST THE POLITICS This statement exonerates alcohol as a Even the Baltimore County and State Police and the CONTROVERSIES. It does not To the Editor: problem drug. The assumption in this com won't release reports of investigations to the . take a Jan Wenner to figure that one out. ment seems to be that alcohol is all right if public, except that which they are _required After all the Retriever is not the Washington It is no secret that some·people are more you are 11ot messed up on other substances. I to do by law. Post! .interested in taking verbal shots at those in do not mean to put down the student; this is One would expect that the newspaper at a Jon A Pinder, positions of great responsiblity than they are often America's viewpoint as well. Alcoh.ol university would promote responsible and SGA Director of Special Events · at seeking viable solutions .to major prob beverages are connected to anything that is appropriate journalistic standards. I feel lems. Ironically, these people will make pub part of everyday life. Whether used as a that you, as the editor, have not exercised lic statements on complex issues, without medicine; a drink, whether made or sold; your duty. Whether this is due to igno~ance Sepe rate putting forth the effort to involve themselves alcohol is ubiquitous in our society. or neglect,· I don't know, but I would hke to in the process of effecting change or even to Most people drink sensibly and without think that if this situation should arise in the To the Editor: learn the pertinent facts. harm to themselves or others. This is proba future, you would· use a little better Essentially, what we pay for in student bly where the assumption arises that alcohol j_udgment. · I am pleased that Mr. Michael Steinberg fees is the rightto appropriate space on cam.: is a benign drug. Yet, millions of Americans Gregory Freeman ·took the time to write a seemingly fair edi- pus to carry out specific activities and stu develop attitudes and drinking practices that torial. Even though his editorial was written dent organizational functions. This right has produce family hassles, or trouble with in response to mine, l found it contained fair not only been preserved, out actually streng friends, the law or their health. Forexample, Priority and constructive criticism. Unlike the arro- thened as a result of the agreement reached an association with alcohol has been found gant and narro.w-minded view of the presi- with the administration. We students had no To the Editor: in 64 percent of all murders. One third of all dent of the Jewish Student Association. firm legal right of control over the old Stu suicides are alcohol-related. Fifty percent of It has recently come to my attention (by Nevertheless, Mr. S' einberg's editorial was dent Union building aitd we certainly did not all patients in the University of Maryland way of various departments, student groups not without its flaw~ . h~ye any deed of ownership to the property. Shock Trauma Center Unit are there as a and my own observation) that the Retriever For example, Mr. Steinberg was incorrect According to a survey taken last month bv result of alcohol-related incidents. In fact, is not .representative of student needs on when he wrote that '"If it wasn't for Prime SGA of all registered clubs and organii.a $100 billion is the economic cost of alcohol campus. Several questions come to mind Minister · Menachem Begin, peace with tions on campus, out ot those that misuse yearly in the United States. when I thin.le about what exactly a school Egypt would never have been achieved." Mr. responded, many actually requested that The statistics speak loud and clear, but newspaper should do for a campus. First Steinberg fails to realize that it was Presi- .· they retain their assigned space or a similar many of us are not listening. Alcohol is a and foremost, should the school newspaper• dent Sadat's fortitude that initiated the one in the Hilkrest building. They all had paradoxical drug: it is friend and foe. It is be a POLITICAL MAGAZINE or a Camp David Peace Talks. Any sane prime their own reasons. As part of the assigned difficult for most indi:viduals to remember MEANS OF RELATING TO STUDENTS minister in Israel at that time would have agreement, Hillcrest is to undergo extensive that the substance that brings wonderful what is going on, on the ~ampvs. ~r a combi jumped at the opportunity to achieve peace renovations, (well over a quarter million feeling and is associated with good times, is nation of the two? My next questio~ is, if with Egypt, the largest Arab country in the dollars worth) to make the building energy also the drug that precipitates violent and student fees ($26,000) support. the school Middle East. efficient for student use. disastrous consequences for far to~ many of paper, why is it difficulty to get coverage of In addition, the Palestinian people only The brand new, (centrally located) Uni- _our community. all events on campus rather than those want a country they well deserve. I do not versity Center is serving all of the student William F. Hignett II selected by the Reigning Bureaucracy? think the Palestinians want to see the des- functions o( the old Student Union in a far ·Health Educator, Student Health Services As it stands now, unless a department or truction of the State of Israel. What they do better way while providing some extras. group pays outright for an ad, there is a poor want is a state, separate from Israel, where · It should be noted that there are many chance that any information pertaining to they can determine their own fate. Neither pressing is~ues that need to be addressed by the event will be found in the paper. This the Israelis nor Palestinians are going to the student government and the administra ·suicide disturbs me. There is no reason why campus achieve peace by looking at each other tion. One of the primary goals of the student related activities should be second to non through a gun barrel. . _ _ government is to seek and find ways in which To the Editor: campus-related material. The Palestinian issue is not a Black(wh;ife ~ the needs of the students as well as the I realize the Retriever is a business and acts issue where one group is clearly right or requirements of the administration and staff I am appalled by the reporting on the must be sold. However, there must be an wrong. The major problem comes into play of UMBC can be mutually achieved. apparent suicide of a studerit here at UMBC. alternative to campus-related events not when one group treats the issue as a non- Lee F. Beale Suicide is a very touchy and personal sub receiving a higher priority and more cover negotiable entity. . SGA Director of University Affairs ject, that is no one's business but friends and age. My suggestion is to add two pages to the In conclusion, it is my hope that Mr. November 22, 1982 JPege19 Feds move to Open state llles on .YOU by Tim Ford While this dismissal is something for anti- ·requested a list of all male driver's licence draft forces to cheer about, it would be holders born from 1960 to 1965 from all 50 Groups opposed to registration and the dangerous to attach too much significance states motor vehicle .administrations. draft celebrated a victory last week when to this one success. Because the case was Maryland's MVA has decided to comply .~.S .. District Court Judge Terry J. Ha_uer df ismissed, it does not rep~ese.nt an acquittal ' under the naive impression that the dismissed the ·government's case agamst . or the defendant., hence 1t will pr~b~b~y be · information will only be used to enco~rage non-registrant David . Wayte. Hatter ruled '-.appealed by the U.S. Attorne.y a~d 1t 1s hkely . those who have not signed up to go ahead that in prosecuting W~yte, an outspoken to be overturned by the Circ~1t the Su~re~e Court · Maryland will be computerized and a not indicting any of the ·thousands of men will. ~e h~ely : Even 1f the D1stnct Court · threatening letter will be sent to each who have remained silent. The case was also de.c1S1on 1s . uph~ld, .the govemme~t ~n · individual regardless of whether he has dismissed on a technicality. C~rter's reimplement reg1~trat1on mere~y by 1ssumg registered or not. Are we to believe that the Presidential Proclamation 4771 ordering another~ retroactive proclamation. Selective Service System will simply wipe draft registration to begin wasn't published Herem Maryland, young men opposed to · this computer file clean· after the letters are in the Federal Register for the required 30 the . ~raft . face anothe~ threat. lfhe · · sent and to use this information to locate . Congress seems imminent. days of public comment before admm1stratlon that promised t? ~et the · and harass non-registrants? The draft age person is 'not without rights, promulgation. . federal government out of people s hves has It would be foolish for anyone to take this however, I urge every male Maryland · · administration's word on anything it might driver's licence holder born from 1960 to · say regarding registration and the draft. A 1965. who is opposed to the administr:ation 's President who campaigned against big-brotherly tactics to write the Maryland · registration and the draft is now for it. A MVA to get his name expunged'from the list . Selective · Service System that has . being handed over to the Selective Service . consisfently denied . any plans· for System. You have a.legal right to do this, but implementing a draft has set up the the ,request must be received in writing by apparatus to get the machine rolling at very December 1st. Request a lett~r of reply · short notice. Training sessions for draft . affirming that this actiion has been taken. If · board personnel began over a year ago. you then get the SSS letter, then you may Martin's West Holiday Inn was the scene of have grounds for a suit against the MVA. . a training seminar for future Baltimore area The MVA has admitted that it regularly , , draft board members. A source who took gives ·ouLI.narketing lists to agencies such a·s r the training there said that he expects the the Armed Forces Recruitment Command. .i draft to be implemented in the summer of This kind of information sharing between 1983, after the elections and when college govern111ent agencies, u.nbeknownst to the campuses are empty. public and involving files on individual Clearly, the stage is · set for a citizens, brings us one step closer to that reimplementation of · the draft. The fearful Orwellian vision. Persons should, - regulations are in place, the draft boards regardless or age or military status, request · have been set up and the names are in the that the MV A remove their names from any computer. The only thing lacking is the list requested by outside groups or agencies. authorization from Congress and with Another right guaranteed by law .is right several bills in sub-committees now that deal to draft counselling. A draft counselling . directly with conscription the go ahead fro~ network and referral system has been set up by the . Maryland Committee Against Registration and the Draft, and the American Friends Service Committee. It is extremely important for young men who are Happy trails opposed t? participating in military trai.ning and war in any form for religious, moral, or Do you think y.ou're a blimp? Are you scared Fitness station?? There were ten sawn-off ethical reasons to begin to document your end no longer justifies your jeans? Do baby railroad ties sticking out of the ground in a circle conscientious objection right away. Under pachyderms mistake you for their mother when (rather like Stonehenge), and there was a lopsided the new Military, Mobilization Regulations, you go to the zoo? Do people think there has been . doorframe with numbers on it next to-that. And very little time is given to prepare and an eclipse of the sun when you stand up in the there were four logs set zigzag fashion on the present a C.O. claim. The necessity of Quad? In other words, are you getting so disgust ground. We paid $6,000 for a large:-scale version of beginning to prepare a C.O. claim now, not ingly, repulsively, freakishly fat that members of - hamster toys?. · when your induction notice comes in . the the opposite sex convulse in laughter whenever you The plexiglass sign tells you what to do with the mail, ca~not be emphasized. lumber by? Well, friends, if you're tired of looking pieces of w9od (although we knew right off what · r------~----- like Moby Dick and would like to shed some of we'd like to do with them.) the , instructions face that excess blubber, UMBC has come up with a away from the .. equipment," which makes it way for you to do it. · impossible to read the directions while doing the The Office of campus Activities, the SGA, ORL, exercises-and they would make much more sense R€tRl€V€Q and the Health Services Department have pooled if they were in hieroglyphics. A case in point is the their legendary intelligence-and our Student BENCH LEG EXERCISE: .. Keep both legsab.ove Activities Fees-and devised a campus 'Fitness ·level of stripe on right post. Move left leg up and . The Retriever is a publication of the students of Bob Trail;' a project designed to join the list of other the University of Maryland, Baltimore County , over post and hold above stripe. Follow with other memorable UMBC successes: the Molly Hatchet .5401 Wilkens Avenue, Baltimore, Maryland 21228. leg, and repeat exercise." Or how about the chal The Retriever offices are .in the the University concert, the wall built behind the Terrace Apart· lenging STEP UP EXERCISE: .. Select a log and Center in room 219. Telephone:'455-3254. ments: and the Shuttlebus service. The trail con step onto it with foot. Step off log and follow with sists of four work-out, stations, strategically placed other foot." Editor-in-Chief...... Dan Gainor & around the Loop, where joggers can stop off and Managing Editor ...... : .. Barry Meisel Hey, try anything once, no matter how wfll Business Manager ...... Jonathan Michel perform an assortment of scientifically co strange. (Wearing nightgowns and caps and carry ordinated exercises. The Fitness Trail was built at a Features Editor ...... Mike Rutter ing candles, we and a few of our friends wheeled a Photography Editor ...... ·'· .... Bill Kinsley cost of $6,000 and is purported to consist of some brass bed into the middle of the floor at the Sports Editor ...... Jeff Seidel oft.he most sophisticated, state-of-the-art exercise . October Board of Regents meeting, screamed Typesetting Manager...... Diana Driever Ray apparatus available. Production Manager ...... Janice Scilipoti "BORING!" and threw a pajama party.) So we Head Typesetter ...... Pam Porter Now, usually whenever we feel like exerc.ising we decided to take on the JUMP UP EXERCISE (the lie down on the couch until the feeling passes. But Assistant editor: Cheri Collinson lopsided doorframe ). You jump up and touch the Business Department: Thom~s Dudley, Belinda when we pay for something we.like to know what cross-bar with one hand-something we could do Laufer, Holly Prieta ·we're getting for our money, so we decided to blaze at home in our basement stairwell, for nothing, if Staff Writers: Bryan Ball, Peter Causton, Bob UMBC's Fitness Tr~il and try out the equipment we ever wanted to. Harrison, Jon. Lasher, Ray Richards, Ani ourselves. We had· heard the course be~n some There we were, ]umping up and down, slapping Thompson where along the Loop, but we couldn't find exactly at a wooden bar, in broad daylight, in the middle of · Photographers: Jason Lee, Ben Erhman where. As we jogged around our fair campus, we the campus. We must have looked even stupider Contributors: Alan Feiler, Jake Frego, David kept our eyes peel,ed for a sign, an arrow, anything Hyman, Kevin Kirschbaum, Steve Levy, Doris than we felt, because suddenly a car load of jeering Martinez, Hope Sanders, Lance Woods that might indicate a fitness track. We couldn't rowdies sped by and yelled out the window, even find a footpath. Production Staff: Theresa Boyd, .Marie Carroll, • • . ··whasa matter, muscles, can't ya knock it down?" Tom Casadonte, Elizabeth Gallagher, Shawne One hour-and half a mile-later, we did spot and ••ff ow about a game of hopscotch, Sweeties?" Heckler, Betsy Horn, Paul Lee, Shiela Mattlngly, something interesting, though. Outside Patapsco That was bad enough. But when a Baltimore Sandra Parran, Carol Schulbe, Pennye Stammer, and Chesapeake dorms we noticed a couple of Bridgett Sybert, Beth Tawoda, Kim Valdes, Loreen • County cop zoomed up and threatened toarrest·us Wutoh, - weird, wooden contraptions that. faintly resembled if we didn't stop playing on what he though was a Cartoonist: Richard Menustlk by Bob Harrison the playground equipment in an underprivileged K-9 Corps obstacle course, we decided that we had - . neighborhood. (Apparently those avante-gar.de and Ray Richards · monopolized the equipment Jong enough. So we The Retriever subscribes to the Diamondback Fine Arts folks had been ••creative" again.) But by caught our breaths-and tfudged away to make Wire Service and the College Press Service. The this time in our run we were about ready to give up, Retriever publishes weekly on Monday during the room for the hundreds of other stud_ents that we semester. and we were in dire need of a fifth of Jack Daniels, · just knew would be following in our wake .... so we staggered over to the wooden shapes and Letters to the Editor must be sig~ed. The Retriever reserves the right to edit any letter collapsed against them. . Next week: How' to make a living selling people deemed libelous, repetitive, or lengthy. A That's when we noticed the ••artwork" was not their mail. · telephone number should accompany each letter. artwork at all. A cheap, plexiglass sign, rattling in · Opinions expressed on the editorial page, other the wind, announced that this was (trumpet fan (Note: We'd like to thank the International than the weekly editorlal, do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editors. fare): THE EXER-TRAIL CARDIOV ASCU Brotherhood of Co#ege Newspaper Writers for The Retriever is an equal opp?rtunity employer. LAR FITNESS STATION! · getting two hacks to write our column last week.) ·•' 'C! ' . .0.. (l)lr ,. ,l~ .... . w ~ Q) .(\. e (.) ·, ·. . ~ .c: ·11:1 -- . ! .• • . .C! . i~ .c:- ~' ~ ~ ~ .:::> WN.. i . E . ::s al T"' ~z. . .e · . . ::s ~ - Scientific Calculator "- With Programming and Statistics ~ 1235795~-~ t====TI-55-11 ---- s~r ~G Cak:U!Mor D1cll.lcn Meklng~. --~~1 · 1 . ~5 : ' · i·- LP-RJ ,. .,. Corr ...... _. 6.• n/llr nCr °"• .amffllm• ,.g/)g}Jg;g.. - lfilftlJIDf!:218 · Appearing with Evelyn King . $46.~5 ~ ~~ ~ lilllk!Jgff!1!J'11 Tl-65-11 Texas Instruments ea...... -.....,. 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