The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, June 8, 2018 — Page 1 a Non-Fiction Newspaper First Class U.S
Total Page：16
File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb
The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, June 8, 2018 — Page 1 A Non-Fiction Newspaper First Class U.S. The New Hampshire Gazette Postage Paid Grab Me! I’m Free! Portsmouth, N.H. The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Vol. CCLXII, No. 19 Permit No. 75 PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com Address Service Requested June 8, 2018 The Fortnightly Rant Uneasy Lies the Dunderhead eil Postman once wrote a book doing the work of a grateful nation. entitled Amusing Ourselves to Not a Circus, But a Sideshow NDeath. In it, according to our old It has been dismally clear for some friend Wikipedia, Postman notes time now that if we set aside the job that “many of the first fifteen U.S. description laid out in the Constitu- Presidents could probably have tion—a little maneuver the nation’s walked down the street without oligarchs are always itching to pull— being recognized by the average cit- and focus instead on how power in izen, yet all these men would have Washington is actual wielded, Job been quickly known by their writ- #1 for Occupant, 1600 Pennsylvania ten words. However, the reverse is Avenue, is to dazzle the rubes in the true today. The names of Presidents cheap seats with Olympic-level gro- or even famous preachers, lawyers, tesqueries while Mitch McConnell and scientists call up visual images, and Paul Ryan get on with the real typically television images, but few, work, like deciding what Granny’s if any, of their words come to mind. terminal velocity should be when The few that do almost exclusively they shove her wheelchair off the consist of carefully chosen sound- Social Security cliff. bites.” What exactly are the oligarchs’ “Carefully chosen soundbites”— minions up to, as the Geek-in-Chief what an innocent age that was. diverts our attention? Oh, just the As Postman was writing, Donald usual litany of unimaginable hor- Trump, Jr. was just merely exploiting rors. There are so many of them it’s a few hundred undocumented Pol- hard to to tell which ones are true— ish workers to destroy art deco scul- which seems to be part of the plan. tures on the facade of the Bonwit When there are too many outrages Teller building to make way for the for anyone to count, you can get erection of a gold-plated Ego Palace. away with a lot more of them. line began under President Trump.” the cops for good measure. ambassadors aren’t supposed to do. These days it’s gibberish that According to a May 24th post- The Right’s years-long attack The ensuing furor revealed that To smooth things over, State De- brings instant recognition. Only ing on the website WashingtonPress, campaign against Snopes seems to SKP’s CEO was paid $770,860 partment spokeswoman Heather one person on Earth could or would immigration authorities are now be paying dividends. The Right’s in fiscal 2016. Newsweek quoted Nauert made a statement about the have written what follows: tearing families apart and “forcing next step will be a Constitutional Charity Navigator’s explanation for U.S.’s “very long history with the “As only one of two people left detained immigrants to wear yellow Amendment establishing that facts the high salary: “the bigger a non- government of Germany.” As an ex- who could become President, why insignias.” Critics say this Adminis- and feelings are interchangeable. profit’s budget is, the greater the ample, she cited the D-Day invasion wouldn’t the FBI or Department of tration has no class. They’re right, of The AP reported weeks earlier, on CEO’s compensation will be.” SKP of Normandy. ‘Justice’ have told me that they were course. It does, however, have an ear May 7th, that “Attorney General Jeff had Federal contracts worth $227 Simultaneously locking up brown secretly investigating Paul Manafort for historical resonance. Sessions recently announced a new million in 2015, of which $193 mil- children and encouraging neo-Na- (on charges that were 10 years old Snopes.com, granddaddy of online ‘zero-tolerance policy’ in which it lion went to SKP’s “unaccompanied zis in Germany: it’s probably just a and had been previously dropped) fact checkers, offered an anodyne will press criminal charges against all alien children” program. coincidence. What’s really hurtful during my campaign? Should have assessment of that inflammatory people crossing the border illegally, The same day Sessions announced is Americans’ lack of gratitude. The told me! claim, seeing the situation on the even if they have few or no previous his “Lock the Kids Up” program, Hill quoted one of the President’s “....Paul Manafort came into the border as a continuation of business offenses. More children are expected Ambassador Richard Grenell ar- offspring recently—Beavis or Butt- campaign very late and was with us as usual. The “use of wristbands and to be separated from their parents as rived at his new post in Germany. head, we forget which—saying, “My for a short period of time (he repre- the implementation of Operation a result.” He recently gave Breitbart News an father’s life became exponentially sented Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole & Streamline has persisted under On Sunday, Senator Jeff Merk- exclusive interview in which he said worse the minute he decided to run many others over the years), but we Donald Trump’s presidency, and the ley [D-Ore.] went to Texas to see he “absolutely want[ed] to empow- for president.” should have been told that Comey Trump administration has vowed for himself. He attempted to visit a er other conservatives throughout “Ours too!” tweeted a famous and the boys were doing a number to ramp up criminal convictions for detention facility in Brownsville, op- Europe, other leaders.” Many Eu- person, “Finally, something in com- on him, and he wouldn’t have been illegal border crossing,” Snopes wrote erated by a non-profit called South- ropeans found that offensive, since mon.” We have no idea how Chris- hired!” May 28th, but “neither the use of the west Key Program [SKP]. The staff meddling in other nations’ politics sy Teigen became famous, but she Sure signs of an easy conscience wristbands nor Operation Stream- refused to let Merkley in and called is near the top of the list of things earned her glory with that remark. The Alleged News® We Are Not Ready To Be Rumbled othing quite says “Summer’s vary, of course, depending on the forecast looks promising, we’re sure By 9:00 p.m., “the crowd had were met with a barrage of flying here” in downtown Ports- weather—because half of these faux to see plenty of bikes and bikers this become an unruly mob completely objects from the mob which refused Nmouth like a certain low-pitched tough guys are apparently made out weekend. We’re not likely, though, to defiant of police orders. Members of to move,” said the FBI report to the rumbling noise lasting nearly all the of sugar. see anything like the Laconia Riot. the mob fought among themselves, White House. Sixty State Police damn day long. Our own semi-in- We would wager that on pleasant The Forging of An Image threw firecrackers, [and] rocked and were then called in, and tear gas was formed and admittedly misanthrop- weekend afternoons that percentage Largely forgotten now, that single overturned two automobiles, one of used, “with little effect, the mob still ic guess is that on fine Sundays such would amount to between half and night of mayhem forged, for this which caught fire. An unsuccessful refusing to disperse. Shotguns were as the one just past, knuckleheads, three-quarters of the time. Because region, anyway, that edgy image to attempt was made to burn a bowl- then brought into play by the police panheads, and s___heads* can be we enjoy an insatiable curiosity, we’re which today’s Harley-riders aspire. ing alley by pouring gasoline into who fired birdshot at the feet of the heard almost continually between issuing a standing offer to any and The fun began with a few smoke the air-conditioning system of the rioters.” 10 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. all persons who are qualified to do bombs at about 7:00 p.m. on Sat- building and igniting it. At 9:30 At this point in the narrative— Any competent and motivat- the work: whoever shall take on and urday, June 19, 1965, according to p.m., traffic was completely stopped well before midnight—three and ed sound engineer could probably complete this task will find us ready a report sent two days later to W. in the area and some of the motor- one-third lines are redacted in the determine pretty easily and accu- to publish their findings and lavish Marvin Watson, Special Assistant cyclists were drag racing amid the FBI report. Order was not restored, rately just what percentage of that praise upon them.† to President Lyndon B. Johnson, mob.” according to news reports, until sev- time those big V-twins do or do Since Laconia Motorcycle Week® and to the U.S. Attorney General. The City of Laconia had become eral hours after midnight. Immedi- not reach certain decibel levels. starts tomorrow, and the weather The crowd of 6,000 to 10,000 men accustomed in prior years to, shall ately following that redaction comes The exact percentage of any given † Such expertise deserves appropriate com- and women in their 20s and early we say, certain excesses of exuber- this sentence: “Approximately 200 day that’s mechano-flatulated must pensation, of course, but alas, we are in no 30s, “became disorderly and defied ance.