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I REGISTER E3EFORE MARCH 10TH I I I \A/IN 2 TICKETS T(3 I I I GAME (EULLSVS PISTONS) I I I IN PETROIT SUNDAY, APRIL 3,1994 I I LIVE AT THE Wffl: I SAT. MARCH 5 - THE RHINOS with GYPSY SOUL I I TICKETS $4 ADVANCE $6 AT THE DOOR I I SAT. MARCH 12 - THE SKYDIGGERS I I TICKETS $5 ADVANCE $S AT THE DOOR I I TICKETS ON SALE AT THE CENTRE SPOT I cone cemme sr.pmtcn 's DAV IN IH£ TURRET AND WILTS PRIZES FROM JSSmL II I LAZATTS AND KAILEV'S g^/l NEWS All the Shh...it at Laurier VIRGINIA PARKER Baal believes that alcohol's Cord News Commentary large part in campus crime is due 112 What does six months of campus mostly to the fact that Laurier's crimc look like? pubs are "'the core of the university For a small campus, Laurier campus, unlike UW where the pubs has managed to keep the on-cam- are located away from the centre of pus security pretty busy. Ofcourse, the campus. People leaving Lau- you can read all about it every rier's pubs have to go through many week in The Cord's Shhh.Jt Hap- of the main areas of our campus". pens (formerly Bag O' Crime). Alcohol also figures in many From September 6 toFebruary of the medical assists and mischief 12, there were over 200 security reports as well. "When you are reports in Shh...it Happens/Bag O' inebriated, you are just more likely Crime. These reports include eve- to hurt others or yourself," Baal rythingfrompeopleslippingon ice said. and general drunken stupidity to There have been a few crime more serious crimes like assault "trends" recorded in Shhh...it Hap- with a weapon, possession of sto- pens/Bag O' Crime over the past len property, and auto theft. six months. Over 25% of the reports are On the lighter side, the gate due to non-Laurier students com- arm for Lot #20 has been broken or in ing to our peaceful campus and otherwise damaged four times wreaking havoc. At least 66 non- the past six months. Geez, the things Laurier students have been impli- people do to avoid paying a few cated in security incidents on the bucks for parking, eh? We the cheese File pic. Laurier campus. shall not forget thiefs. Other trends are a lot scarier. September, there have been Although this number does As Laurier's Director of Secu- that originate from drunken non- something almost funny about the Since suspicious include some medical assists, the rity John Baal explains, Laurier university affiliated people," Baal majority of the "crimes" that Lau- seven reports of per- on ornearthe Lauriercampus non-Laurier people arc usually re- "gets a lot more trespassers who said. rier students do around campus. sons six reports of harassment sponsible for reports of mischief happen to wander on campus from However, Laurier students are While other universities' stu- as well as male and female Lau- (i.e. vandalism), disturbances (i.e. neighbouring pubs". This translates also guilty of their fair share of dents are beating up on each other towards both rier students. fighting) and trespassing. into "a sizeable number of offences fights and the like, but there is in theTurret line-up, what are Lau- rierstudents doing? Stealingcheese Changes to the Criminal Code leav- this past year have given police , urinating on pop machines, ing pay phones in the middle of the and security officers more options Provincial testproject for alternate quad, joy riding on snow blowers when dealing with threatening per- and having food fights. sons. With this new legislation, Although at first glance, these "there is no reason for anyone to be loan said Baal. national student program crimes may seem funny, Laurier's stalked," security treats them very seriously. Earlier in the year, there seems to have been a string of break and STEVE Student Loans and provincial loan programs. Pay- "These are generally just inebri- DOAK enters. First Purple and Gold was Cord News ments on the loans could then be collected by Revenue ated shenanigans, but... [Laurier] broken into, then a few weeks later, The Ontario government is investing time and money Canada along with income taxes. students who misbehave usually said. Club Mill was broken into. The a new of student loan that could lead to One of the problems of such a program, MacKay go before the DAC" Baal to test type irony is that one of the people who dramatic changes in funding to universities. said, are the start-up costs. In Ontario alone, for The DAC (Dean's Advisory punish- broke into Club Mill was wearing In the fall, the Ministry of Education and Training example, $1 billion would be needed in the first Committee) hands down a jacket that was stolen in the Pur- initiated the Income Contingent Loans Pilot Project to couple of years. At least part of these costs could be ments that range from expulsion to ple and Gold break-in. observe the an income loan received from distribution of government bonds. alcohol counselling or suspension practicality of contingent Overall though, Baal is plan for Ontario. This type of student loan Money could also be inputted into the system from the campus bars. repayment "pleased to say it's been a very has been advocated most notably by the Ontario from payments on past OSAP loans. Payments on old Alcohol plays a large role in very good year" for campus secu- Student Alliance and the loans arc going to the banks which have helped to fund many of the campus security inci- Undergraduate (OUSA) rity, with generally less fights and Council of Ontario Universities (COU). OSAP, and the banks might or might not be willing to dents for both Laurier and non- most disturbances from years passed. The pilot project is being overlooked by a student continue their investment in the proposed new loan Laurier students. "1 think physical altercations are due to in- "Foot Patrol has helped agreat support team, led by Jamie MacKay, who is also a program. deal", said Baal, "They are like representative of the on the team. OUSA and COU have each submitted proposals ebriation - fights between guys in Ministry extra eyes and ears on the security pilot project consists of loans of $2500 to to the Ministry including specific models for imple- the pub", said Baal. The force since they can report on fights 1000 students throughout the province. All of the menting an income contingent loan program, with Of the 27 disturbance reports, drinking before they get into full swing". are final of their pro- different figures on the rate of payback of the loans 20 make some mention of students in the year respective When it comes to campus refused OSAP. and the maximum amount to be leant to each student. or inebriation. There were also six grams, and all of them were safety, we know that things like estimating the These models do not address in a detailed manner the reports of intoxication in a public The goals of the project include fights and general drunken idiocy interest potential of this type of loan system, and affects of fluctuations in interest rates and income place, six LLAviolations,one Lau- and one can be avoided, because after all, an adequate payback schedule, MacKay levels. rier alcohol policy report designing Laurier can only be as safe as we - in the said. Students over $30 000 per year after The Canadian Federation of Students Ontario drunk and disorderly report earning students want it to be. thcirgraduation willpay theirentire loans back within (CFS-O) opposes an income contingent loan pro- past six months. two years. Those making between $20 000 and $30 gram, and advocates the elimination of tuition fees. 000 will pay part of the loans over the two year period. This type of loan program could make it easier for the Those making less than $20 000 will not have to pay government to raise tuition fees, as well as charging Correction the loans back at all. students interest on their loans immediately rather In "Union employee dismissed for accepting personal cheque , This experiment is limited, MacKay said, both by than waiving interest charges until after the student appearing in issue 22 of the Cord, it was stated "But Charlene the time constraints and by the limited number of has graduated. Lissel, the cashier for the Union, had already gone home for the students participating in the project. But it will give The students participating in the project should holidays." The person who had left for the holidays, preventing the government more information on the pragmatics be graduating this year, and willbe paying their loans John Kolovrat from being reimbursed was Cynthia Hargrove, the of altering the student loan over the next two years. Any substantial changes in the system. Comptroller for the Union. An income contingent loan program "would have student loan program are not expected until after that to be national," MacKay said, toreplace both Canada period. 4 NEWS THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 Eat and smoke at Laurier

ices' proposal to charge next year's Upon hearing that the costs of Bored Watch first year students $2300 for their this plan would end up largely com- required meal plan. ing out of the student's pockets, a Students' Other than this being $400 in bewildered Students' Union VP of Union excess of the total quoted in the 94/ University Affairs Tim Crowder 95 course calendar, this proposed asked "Why would we be paying fee increase is part of an expansion moreforthis? You'dfigurethatthe MARK HEASLEY plan whereby Laurier students restaurants would cover the costs Cord News would be able to use their meal themselves since they'd be getting At their last meeting before read- cards at off-campus restaurants more business from us." ing week, the Students' Union such as Stanley Burgers, Olde Eng- It may be fortunate that Lau- learned of Laurier Ancillary Serv- lish Parlour, and Swiss Chalet. rier students will have an easier time eating off campus, with the controversial anti-smoking Bill 119 already having survived two read- ings in Queen's Park.. In essence, this bill would prohibit selling or smoking tobacco on campus. WLUSU president Taylor be- lieves that "this (Bill 119) is very Thursday March 3 ture on 3D drawings and oil paint- discriminatory in how it's set out, 7:00 Senate, p.m. the academic ings in the Paul Martin Centre, it's like Prohibition. Students will governing body of the Univer- 8:00 Pyke, one p.m. Sandra of just go off-campus." sity, will meet in the Paul Martin Canada's foremost feminist psy- The Students' Union has a

Centre. I vrrr rmrnrr- nrnnmHttum-r v.- v.-rr i chologists currently exploring the vested interest in keepingthe smok- 8:00 Alice Eckhardt, a of women Angelakos and Taylor at another meeting. File pic. p.m. pio- experiences in post- ers on campus. Through the Centre in the post-Holo- secondary neer area of educational institu- Spot, WLUSU took in $60 000 in caust re-evaluation of Christian- tions, will lecture on "The Canadian Federation of Students other cave in under the pressure of cigarette sales last year. (CFS). "The letter was full of false- upcoming finals. There will be a ity, will speak on "Christian and Gendered Academy: Issues of Taylor, Students' Union Busi- Jew: Reflections of a Christian and John Aird hoods" he continued "we tried to Psychic Fair in the Concourse, fol- Equality Equity." ness Manager Tim Hranka, and Historian". John Aird Recital Recital Hall. Free with debate them at McGill but they lowed by a Murder Mystery admission Students' Union Bar and Enter- Free admission shutus(OUSA)out". The Ontario evening in Wilf's with the date to Hall. and recep- reception to follow. tainment Manager Dan Dawson are tion. 10 Undergraduate Student Alliance is be announced on the Students' Thursday March hoping to organise letter-writing a a lobby group to which Laurier Union page in the Cord. Friday March 4 2:30 to 4:00 p.m. Interview Skills campaign along with theircounter- 10:00 a.m. The symposium belongs, and is a political acquaint- The possibility still exists for Workshop in Career Services parts at other Ontario universities "Legacies of Fascism in Canada" Friday March 11 ance/rival to the CFS. acquiring a mechanical bull in the in the hopes of, in President During the month of March, Concourse, and the Alumni BBQ will be held in the Paul Martin 2:30 p.m. Neil Quigley, an eco- Taylor's words, "changing the bill Laurier students can look to seeing was a success due to the bomb Centrc. Nine leading experts will nomics professor at Western, will for the better" current manifes- lectureon and more on campus than watching each threat. explore hatred's political efficiency Backon WLU'scampus, state- tations Canada insurance, in and prevention motives for deposit ments made by ex-WLUSU Public strategies. P2027, Frank Peters Building. Relations Assistant John Kolovrat 10:30a.m. The Student Christian Wednesday March 16 in an article in the last issue of the Movement will be holding a 7:30 p.m. Loenid Ionin of the Cord, spurred BOD member Joel World Day of Prayer service at Russian Institute of Psychology, Lynn to state that "John has in- Keffer the Sciences, Chapel (in seminary). Academy of will speak sulted the integrity of the Students' Sunday March 6 on Yeltsin's politics since 1991. Union, and he should be nailed to 3:00to6:00 p.m. AIESECwill be Sponsored by the Waterloo-Lau- the wall." holding Multicultural a Festival rier Centre for Soviet Studies and This feeling prevailed on the in The Turret. Cultural groups the Canadian Institute of Interna- Board, and the directors have cho- from the Kitchener-Waterloo area tional Affairs. Room 3004, Nee- sen to pursue legal action against will bedisplayingandsellingeth- dies Hall, U of W. Kolovrat for the $800 he was fired PHOTOGRAPHERS nic food and crafts. Also included Friday March I I 18 for "mismanaging" during the Dis- is dance and music performances, 9:00 Wilfrid a.m. Laurier Univer- count Daze in the Turret. a fashion and show to display sity will be holding its annual "They 'recommunists, I'm tired traditional clothing. For addi- Open House, includingorganiscd of hearing their bullshit" replied tional information, call the tours, information sessions, and Charlie Angelakos to a letter writ- AIESEC office at 884-1970 ex- academic counselling. ten by the Ontario Treasurer of the tension 2580. ' Monday March 7 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. Career Focus workshop in Career Services Tuesday March 8 3:30 p.m. Rich Pryce, a professor of Geography at WLU, will speak on Geomorphology of Rock-Fed Fluvial Environments along the Niagara Escarpment." Room 5- 304, Central Teaching Building. DAYS OF YOU CLAYOQUOT SOUND I !!!! 8:00 p.m. The Canadian Federa- I I GRADUATES I WITH SPECTAL GUESTS tion of University Women will BENEFIT CONCERT ■ SOUL VIRGINS [ WITH BLACK CABBAGE, THE DERVISHES. FAT CATS | proud hold an open meeting at First I Do you feel and special because of I United Church, King and William your achievemenf? Streets, Waterloo. William Poole I MONDAY, MAR. 14 TUESDAY MAR. 15 WEDNESDAY MAR. 16 I You should also feel proud and special (Director of the Centre for Cul- U.F.C.B's the minitures M.C.B. when having your graduation portraits tural Management at the Univer- MUSTARD I HERE COMES JIM SARSIPIOUS the Flea I H taken. Kitchener-Waterloo's leading & sity of Waterloo) will speak on I & DR. DIDDLER SHADES OF LIVIDITY BOZZWRECX-FEED TOUR HEAD ■ portrait photographers offer special the "Future of Cultural Develop- graduation packages starting at only ment in Canada." For informa- tion call 744-6697. Wednesday March 9 I PADDY'S PARTY WITH I I Hoods, gowns, shirts, ties and sashes 1:30to2:30p.m.Resume/ACCIS supplied. Form Writing workshop in Ca- |%iRHINOS I head I Portraits taken in the privacy of our own PLUS SPECIAL GUESTS | reer Services M WITH TREETOP HAREM J studio, choose from several backgrounds, 2:30 to 4:00 p.m. Finding the from the classic to the modern. Hidden Job Market workshop in Career Services I Please call 745-8637 I 4:00 p.m. Esther Warkov, visit- II ing artist from Winnipeg, will lec- THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 NEWS 5 Baker leaves the office

STEVE DOAK disciplines covered within this fac- ing (CAAT) relations. This is part Cord News ulty, its mission statement would of an increased effort by the Min- Don Baker will be leaving the po- probably closely resemble the Uni- istry and the COU to refine ties sition of Laurier's Vice President: versity's, Baker said. amongst universities and between Academic at the end of this aca- The creation of mission state- universities and colleges in On- demic year. ments is a "fundamental manage- tario. The VP: Academic, like the rial practice for setting fundamen- Last August, the Ministry re- President and academic deans, is tal goals," Baker said. He has also leased "No Dead Ends," the Re- hired for a five year term. Baker requested long-range goals from port ofthe Task Force on Advanced announced earlier this year that he the faculties which could be used to Training, chaired by Walter will notbeseekingre-appointment judgeperformance of employees of Pitman. The report expresses the for a second term after his current the University. value of life-long learning strate- contract ends on June 30. He might With the Senate Academic gies and the need for integration remain in the position longer, if a Planning Committee, which is a between universities and colleges, replacement is not found for him "vehicle for creating major plans, such as those which Baker is work- by that date. major academic policy for the Uni- ing on. The administration is currently versity," Baker is currently work- Baker also sits on an ad hoc preparing a position description ing on the long-range academic COU committee the Distance Edu- forthe VP: Academic, and asearch goals of the University as a whole. cation Strategy for Ontario Uni- committee has been established to Thiswill bethefundamental part of versities. This group is co- find a replacement for Baker. the University's Long-Range Plan, Ron Craig, Anne Hall, and Don Baker. File pic. ordinating distance education During the years Baker has Baker said. The academic features ter system will be tied in to the graduate. This program could be throughout the province. spent in this position, he has put of the Plan will determine the Uni- Registrar's Office, Financial implemented within a year, de- Aftertheendof his term, Baker heavy emphasis upon planningand versity's need for space and fac- Awards, and Alumni Services. The pending upon the budget situa- will be working on a study of so- putting things down on paper. For ulty. Registrar implemented new soft- tion, Baker said. cialism in France between the two example, he drafted the Universi- "Plans are nothing, planning is ware in June, with the basics of the Beyond this campus, Baker world wars. Working in the admin- ty's mission statement with con- everything," Baker said, quoting system. has been active in the Council of istration gives people the ability to sultation from the Senate Academic from D.D. Eisenhower. Baker said Othermoduleswillbeadded in Ontario Universities (COU), an deal with important issues of pub- Planning Committee and the fac- strategic thinking will helpthe Uni- the future such as a degree audit organisation of university admin- lic institutions, planning, and fund- ulty. This document was passed by versity community deal with program, which will enable stu- istrations. Baker sits on a COU ing, Baker said, but he is ready for the Senate and the Board of Gover- change. dents to review the courses they committee on University - Col- change. "I'd like to put my mind to nors, outlining the fundamental Baker has also worked on the have and the courses they need to leges of Applied Arts and Train- intellectual issues." directions of the University. physical changes of Laurier, such Baker also initiated the draft- as by co-ordinating the plans for the ing of missions by individual fac- new science building on the corner ulties within the University. Arts of King and Bricker. and Science is theonly faculty that Another change within Bak- IN BREVITAS has not presented a mission state- er's department is the new Student ment yet. Because of the breadth of Information System. This compu- Laurier to Host Undergraduate Business Games The Annual Pancake Breakfast held in the Con- In 1995, the Undergraduate Business Games are to course February 15 raised $439.08 for Habitat for be held at Laurier. This is a chance for Laurier to play Humanity of Waterloo Region. host to the nine schools expected to attend the games Laurier also raised $336.63 and 290 pounds ot next year. However, although these games are titled food during their drive for the Food Bank of Waterloo are not for business stu- Region. "business," these games o dents; they are for Laurier students. Student gets boot for bogus Dollars Volunteers are needed for a committee to help harassmeent complaint organise the games. Organisers are looking for en- WINNIPEG (CUP) — Crying wolf can have harsh thusiastic, creative and hard-working people from all consequences. for Scholars faculties. A University of Manitoba student w.ho filed a The Laurier team competed this year against six false report of sexual harassment against a professor Last year, the CMHC ture at the University of Guelph, ten events. Ath- has been expelled for five years, according to a Scholarship Program attracted was one of 25 winners in the schools in Laurier's performance in 172 applicants and awarded 1992 competition. She says, letic events such as Broomball, Innertube Waterpolo, report from the university's discipline committee. 27 new scholarships. Those "Winning a CMHC scholarship and Volleyball was strong. Not strong enough how- The student filed a complaint in an attempt to are pretty good odds: about allowed me to expand the scope ever, to get into any of the semi-finals. extort higher grades after unsuccessful grade ap- one in six. of what I could do. It gives you However, it was in the academic events that peals, the report says. Upon investigation the sexual Since its inception in a tremendous sense of confi- Laurier truly shined. Laurier barely missed the semi- harassment office found the complaint to be unsub- 1947, the program has given dence." The extra time to make finals in debatingand defeated every team soundly to stantiated. Duringthe investigation thestudent indi- out almost $27.3 million to contacts in the housing indus- capture the gold in Business Trivia. cated she would drop the charge if the professor 2,495 Canadian try by students. The afforded the CMHC schol- Pick applications for committee positions would raise her grades. current annual maximum is arship has paid off for Leslie. up Centre. The Accordingto Marilyn MacKenzie, the universi- $14,154 per student. Her thesis received positive from The Centre Spot and The Dow officer, false complaints are Like most scholarship comments in a Globe and Mail deadline is March 7. ty's sexual harassment programs, the one adminis- column and spawned a lengthier extremely rare and her office has only received a tered by Canada Mortgage and recent article in a widely read Fund-raising at Laurier handful since it opened nine years ago. She said the Housing Corporation (CMHC) journal published by the Cana- Students Faculty and Staff have been working university's policy specifically outlines how false looks for top students. More dian Urban Institute, hard this term at helping out the Waterloo region. complaints are to be dealt with. specifically, CMHC scholar- Ms. Coates was "very im- "It is not used very often and individuals who are J ships are given only to full-time pressed" with the aims of the only out to destroy someone may Canadian students working on CMHC Scholarship Program, face disciplinary action," she said. a university Master's degree re- "It's Canada's primary source of Megan Bowman, a member lated to housing. financial support for the train- Thepos- ingofpro- of the university's women's cen- sibilities for fessionals tre, said it is unfortunate that some- graduate ASmUUSU in housing one would abuse the system. She studies in and commu- said she worries the attention the housing are much broader nity planning. It's definitely incident is getting will make it than one might initially think, needed." more difficultfor students to come Awards go to students in such If you or someone you forward and file a complaint of varied disciplines as engineer- know would like to apply for a sexual harassment. ing, business and scholarship, environment, CMHC forms can "This incident puts the em- public administration, social be picked up now at either the on filing false rape and behavioural science, archi- Graduate Studies or Student phasis women tecture, economics, law, plan- Awards office. But hurry. Stu- and harassment charges. False ning, and history. dents must submit completed complaints of this kind, as with Leslie Coates, who in applications to the university any other crime, have been found 1993 completed her Master's they wish to attend by March 25, to be very low." degree in Landscape Architec- 1994. An appeal in the student's Canada Mortgage and Homing Corporationawards scholarships case is pending. of up to $I4,IS4 forgraduate studies in housing. Canada Laurier's proud ÜBG '94 team. Pic: Brian Bosse MICHELLE MARUK 6 NEWS THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 PROS & CONS Is Doak on Speed? SteveDoak Of course, we don't really need fattening, and it causes highercho- drunk, and rarely have 1 found in- hand, has arisen in the last couple

News Commentary - of with Cord / illegal drugs we've got alcohol to lesterol. telligence shining through beer- generations mushrooms, While I was home for reading week, smooth away the midnight blues. The predominant image of speak. peyote, and LSD. No matter their I rented a copy of Easy Rider, and And while we get drunk, the gov- drugs in our society is that they On the other hand, I have seen culture, these teachers ail idealise it started me thinking about drugs. ernment rakes in the profits of "sin lead to insanity and stupidity.They evidence of intelligence shining the individual's identification with Thick, tightly packed marijuana taxes" and gets to control almost are definitely bad. Of course the through drug-induced hazes. Such the world, noting its balance and joints; long, carved hash pipes; all of the alcohol on the market. people harmony. They may all be wrong, deceivingly small tabs of acid; a Everybody wins. who they may all be right. pile of powder and a razor. The next subject of the sin But maybe the meaning of life Easy Rider was the first movie taxes is tobacco. With the presen- is a personal thing. Maybe it is up that portrayed drug use without tation of Bill 119 to increase gov- to each individual to find theirown "reefer madness" - the unleashing ernment control of tobacco and the goals, and to decide what will bring

of the violent, inner beast that lies related ad campaign ("smoking - it them fulfilment. at the bottom of everyone's soul, will suck the life right out of you"), Unless, of course, it is too like your mother warned you about. smoking is becoming an increas- frightening to encounter that void Instead, it tells the story of two ingly immoral habit. But it's still where meaning must begin. It's so friends travelling across the U.S. legal. much easier to accept the judge- of A. on Harleys, with a tank full of So what makes a good joint ments handed down to you with- money and a bag full of grass and worse than either of these habits? out questioning what they are based a cross-section of America encoun- It damages your lungs, makes your upon. It's easy to travel down the tered on the way. They aren't out clothes and your breath smell, and told you that beaten path - birth, school, work, to hurt anyone or to make a big irritates the allergies of people have probably never tried death. mess, they just want to live and to around you. But so does smoking drugs, they just heard the Every moment that you live, be free. tobacco. same information from other you are yourself, whether or not Society hasn't caught up with Cannabis affects your judge- people who have not tried you care to admit it. The choices this mentality yet. We're still hung ment, making you lethargic, slow, drugs. a state of mind often seems to be you make are your own, whether up on the old catch phrases of "that relaxed. Alcohol likewise impairs Personally, I question a lot of fertile ground for creative ways of you choose to accept what you've shit'll make you go crazy" and "try your judgement, but it has a greater this advice that has been passed looking at the world. I' ve also heard been given or something com- it once and you could be addicted." tendency to make you violent. Hard down to me. I don't think drugs are rumours that one or two musicians pletely new. I guess we need these indoctrinal liquor causes more brain damage worse than alcohol. Often in the may have used heroin for inspira- Before you condemn drugs and messages to make sure we follow than drugs do. Alcohol upsets the past, I have attempted to hold con- tion. people that use them, think about the laws. stomach more than drugs, it is more versations with people who are Some cultures have used vari- what you are basing these judge- ous substances to incite religious ments on. Think about what you experiences (imagine a really big look like when you're drunk, or cup of communion wine). Eastern simply acting childish. Ask your- religion has emphasized personal self if you are doing what's right reflection to attain enlightenment. for you, or if you are simply avoid- SHHH... HAPPENS European Christianity told us to ing everything with even the faint- IT a est of Take a make leap of faith to God. The hint danger. leap; Straight from the offices of John Baal, Laurier's Bouckaert residence. The altercation was broken up North American Guru, on theother learn to dance. Chief ofSecurity and three males were questioned. The combatants identified themselves as a WLU student and a

Feb. 16 - 00:30 : Mischief Brampton, Ont. male. The altercation was relatively A male was observed kicking in the lower glass pane minor. No charges were laid.

en- - : Ba

- : & grocer Acting on information received. Security stopped a Feb. 27 03:20 Break Enter J mi: person who was in possession of a number of coffee While checking the rear of 232 King Street, Security ) Westmount Place mugs which had been removed from Wilf's. Secu- reported finding the two lower windows on each side rity conferred with Wilf's manager. Due to the of the metal double doorbroken and a hole almost the subject's inebriated condition no charges were laid. full size of each window frame observed in each •*»»•« The suspect is not University affiliated. pane. Footprints observed in the snow appeared to * Feb. 17 - 06:10 : Property Damage lead inside the building. At this time, Security con- ~ The Aird Building custodian reported at this time tacted Waterloo Regional Police for back-up prior to I Northfield Plaza a that a lower glass pane of the Aird Building's west entering the building. At about 03:27, Waterloo >*■> O Bridgeport at Weber entrance was kicked PoliceConstablearrivedatthcsccne. - in. Regional Upon «*

- r Feb. 17 08:05 : Service Malfunction observing the situation, he summoned further back- Security received a call from a female reporting that up to secure the entrances while the WLU Officer she was trapped in the Peter's Building elevator. and he conducted an interior check for possible zehrs Security responded but was unable to get the door intruders. Upon entering the building, glass frag- markets open. It took 25 minutes before elevator technicians ments were observed shattered and strewn through- ~r v JET '">* were able to free the captive. out the waiting room area. These fragments ex- ] li \ i Waterloo Square Feb. 17 - 20:35 : L.A. Infraction tended down the hall to the area outside room 816, Glenridge rlaza Four males were observed drinking in Peters' Build- Dr. Livingstone's office. A small indentation was ' Beechwood Plaza ing. One was charged under the Liquor Act, the found in the waiting area, North Wall, just above a others received trespass warnings. Subjects are not chair, but it is unknown if this damage had been there £ .£ \ Conestoga Mall university affiliated. prior to this occurrence. A thorough chcck of the

Feb. 17 - 22:30 : Possession of Narcotics building interior was conducted, at which time no Two males, who were observed staggering around other damage or indications of entry into specific Parking Lot #3, were questioned by Security. The areas were observed. All interior room doors were tpampfelli. of discard (T-V officer noticed one them a small package. found to be secure. No evidence of footprints were Upon checking the package it was discovered that it observed inside the area near the broken windows. A ( M'm! M'm! Good!. contained a small amount of marijuana. Subject was After it was determined that no persons were inside arrested and searched but no other drugs were found. the building, Waterloo Regional Police departed and Due to the small amount of marijuana involved, no the WLU Officer contacted the Duty P.P.& P. em- charges were laid. Suspects are not University affili- ployee to attend and secure the window area. ated. All WLU students caught in criminal activities must face Feb. 18 - 00:50 : Disturbance Fred Nichols and the forces of the Dean's Advisory Security responded to a call about a fight outside Council. Draw Date: Monday, March 7, 1994 _J THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 NEWS 7 Board gets a Mac attack AMAL MOUSSAOUI which is a bigger paper than the Cord, operation of others. Cord News Commentary has only four terminals to use. After more lengthy discussion, the As Board ofPublications members poured It was suggested by Janzen that the BOD Directors agreed that the new soft- large amounts of caffeine into their sys- Cord should cut back on terminals and ware, which is the same as most of the tems, the purchase of the new computer make use of a scheduling system, publishing industry uses, will be installed, system was finalised. whereby most ofthe work is done before as opposed to illegally copied. Dave Janzen and Mike Rosenblatt, Monday and Tuesday's production Following this, the resolution for the members of the computer acquisition nights. The BOD agreed that a schedul- acquisition of the new computer system committee,reported that $10 225 is avail- ing system is workable. was passed among well needed cheers and able for the purchase of the new computer The other main concern which dealt applause. system. with frequent breakdowns of the sys- The resolution, written by Director This money was made available after tem, called for buying a quality system. M ike Rosenblatt and seconded by Director the old computer system was sold, and al I Janzen also pointed out that the Heather Mundell, was amended several related bills paid off. BOD should consider the option of hav- times to finally give the authority to the Janzen presented the BOD with two ing one of its volunteers trained as a computer acquisition committee and the quotes, one on an IBM system, the other computer technician. President of Publications to buy a mini- a Macintosh. In the past, computer consulting mum of four Macintosh computer termi- The main points that the BOD took fees have been costly. nals with the needed software for a maxi- into consideration when making their de- It was clear, after a lengthy discus- mum of $10,000. cision was the numberof computer termi- sion of the advantages and disadvan- The rest of the BOD meeting consisted nals needed, and the ease and speed with tages of the two computer systems, that of Director Heather Mundell updating the which the system can be repaired during the Macintosh was the better buy. BOD Hiring policy. peak production times. The Macintosh is cheaper and de- Students' Union PresidentSeanTaylor Presently, there are eight terminals centralised than the IBM. This is an delivered his report to the BOD including for Cord staff use. Janzen pointed out that important consideration, since a failure progress on the plans for expansion of the Computer wild man Dave "The Fugitive" Janzen. the Ontarion at the University of Guelph, of one workstation will not affect the Students' Union building. File Pic U ofW and Conestoga College to /BWVfl offer jointjournalismprogram TONYA ZELINSKY take, says Banks. Canadian University Press Peter Johansen, director of Carleton's school of

OTTAWA — A new program offered by the Univer- journalism, says he does not believe any type of co- sity of Waterloo and Conestoga College aims to operative program between Waterloo and Conestoga create a "different kind of journalist," says Robin could harm a student. Rather, it would give the Banks, the university's Vice-president academic. student more of an advantage. Conestoga College has created a program in co- "1 certainly applaud any initiative to create more wedded to your job or: operation with the University of Waterloo. The experience for journalism students. In general, jour- program is meant to give Waterloo students the op- nalism editors always look for more course back- portunity to receive a college diploma in journalism ground." while studying for a separate undergraduate degree. Peter Desbarats, Dean of Western 's graduate j] jthiing more radical thaji \ j The new program will be open to those students who school of journalism, has "mixed feelings" about the have completed their second year at Waterloo and are Waterloo- Conestoga joint program. §; | perfectly safe to come into | J in good academic standing. "We think it makes more sense for someone to Banks says students who take the new journalism get a strong education degree, and then concentrate the floor and won't even j '"■"•'Y .J^'**^- program at Conestoga will be students with a back- on the graduate level," says Desbarats. ~

But conic to the ~~ "C* story. up jVW {/*}< ■" -^Tr" a "We'll know the result when students come \ ground in subject already. This will give them the only O second floor of the Jean v>— "O Chretien Campus Centre \ advantage of applying theirknowledge to the journal- out of the (joint) program, (and) when they compete 18 for Knee-jerk Liberals \ / ' r \ ism program. for jobs against those students who come out of a #> and give it a shot. News. : y \ •C the best damned \ / / « For several years, Conestoga has offered its own program like Carleton or Western." iIt'sprophylactic I \ money can | \ / / ji 80-week diploma program in journalism and will Western attempted a program with Fanshawe

" I i continue to do so once the co-operative program is College several years ago with regard to their jour- implemented. nalism program, but unfortunately nothing came of Only 15 students from Waterloo will be admitted it, says Desbarats. into the new joint program, which will begin in "It was difficult to see how the two programs September 1995. could collaborate. We are a graduate program, and Humber College Introduces the A Waterloo student can complete a journalism they are only a community college. There's a bigger diploma along with their undergraduate degree in gap that separates graduate programs and commu- only one year more than their degree would normally nity colleges," says Desbarats. CONGRATULATIONS Post Graduate Program in Erin Taylor For a Recreation Leadership This exciting, intensive one year program good is all you need for a rewarding career in _ rn recreation. M VALENTIN E DRAWV ) Our instructors are all top quality industry

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/k„ ; residents of Canada who are currently enrolled in a recognized mil ro j 1 Daef Dorino an n*4;w;s4..»l\ y best . RULES and Regs J. Kecipe (by individual) Canadian universityi college or other p ost secondary ed uca.ionai 1. To enter and qualify for this contest call the KRAFT DINNER Campus - n i, /u \ institution. Employees of KGFC, its affiliated companies, advertising Contest hotline at 1-800-26-KRAFT and D Connection" Recipe DCSt IAeCIpC (by a gfOUp) and promotional agencies, and the independent judging your name, address and telephone number record recipe. Include your f| and persons in their respective |>.|_! _ organization, all residing which are entering (see below). If your and identify the category in you 3. rieaitllieSt KCCipe households are ineligible entry is in the group category, include names of all individuals (max. 5) 7 Al| decjsions of , he judges are fjna , The chances of wjnning wjN share equally in any prize money. to distribution of depend on the number of eligible entries and the quality of recipes order to must use a Romomhoi* rlolirinilC 2. In be eligible for judging, recipes KRAFT ftememUCr, UCIIIIUU*, recejved Thjs comest jg subject (o fl|| app|jcab|e federal provincia | & as the main ingredient. Recipes Macaroni Cheese product 05|CV-ffl-IYISILr municipal Only grand prize or will I.U IlldlvCP CtllU311 Hand laws. one per person group previously published by Kraft General Foods Canada Inc. (KGFC) ICLipcs beawarded or other recognized sources will be disqualified. Pet 8 - All recorded entries become the property of KGFC. 95 Moatfield 3. No purchase is necessary. Enter as often as you wish, but entries C»"GatiVG*■* CdUYG l"GCOrdiriPSCI.UI UIMg3 gCI. and nQ correspondence will be March 31, 1994, the CONTEST must received no later than be entered into except with the selected finalists who will be recipe telephone call will eXtra ITiarks! CLOSING DATE. Only one per notified by mail or telephone. By entering this contest, entrants be A be entered only into one accepted. recipe may category. consent to the use of photographs and/or recipes, without recipe in another will not Subsequent entry of the same category compensation, in future publicity and/or publication carried out by be considered. 5. E ach of the first 300 eligible entrants will receive 1 case KGFC in connection with this contest. 4. From all eligible entries received on or before the CONTEST CLOSING (24 packages) 0 f KRAFT White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese | 9. KGFCi with the consent of the R6gie des a coolSi des courses et des DATE, 20 recipes from each category will be selected at random by an approximate retail value of $24.00. One grand prize of with jeux ( Q reserves the right to cancel or suspend this contest in organization on April 6, 1994. These || an independent selection $1 000 wj be awarded for the best recipe selected in each of the the event of any printing or administrative error. Quebec residents may selected recipes will be evaluated by the KRAFT Kitchens who will categories. 5 submi , any ntigation respecting the conduct of this contest and the 1 (one) best in each of 5 Best Mealtime select recipe categories: 6 Selected recipe entrants and winners of the early bird prizes awarding of any prizes to the R6gie des alcools, des courses et Recipe, Best Snacktime Recipe, Best Recipe by an individual, w iH be required to sign a standard declaration and release form to des jeux Best Recipe by a group and "Healthiest" recipe. confirm compliance with the official rules and regulations, and sports Hawkey heartbreak

Hockey Hawks pile on Waterloo goalie, too bad they couldn't do the same to Basilio. Pic: Eda Di Liso PETE ROBINSON game took a critical turn. With initiated a nice scoring play when best teams in the league." game sudden-death playoff, where Cord Sports Scott Cullen in the penalty box, he set-up Spoltore, who in turn set- When analyzing the series quality teams like Lauricr can see A heartbreaker! Not a lot unlike Western's Ken Rowbothom scored up Dahle, who poked the puck past Martinelli offered these views, "I their season go down the drain in a the Olympic team earlier in the from what seemed likean impossi- Basilio. don't mean to knock Rick Pracey, one-game showdown. What is day, our beloved Ice-men lost a ble angle. A minute later Mark Rucchin then broke the back he's a great kid, but I really think more of a joke is the OUAA Final heartbreaking 5-4 thriller to their Guy caught Laurier goalie Rick of the Hawks when he wheeled that goal tending was the difference Four. After having the best-of- season-long nemesis, the Western Pracey out of position and blasted around Laurier's defence and pot- in the series. Without Basilio, along threc division finals, what could Mustangs. The loss on Sunday at a slapshot past him to tie the scorc ted a shorthanded marker at the with Rucchin we wouldn't have the OUAA brainthrust be thinking the Kitchener Auditorium spelled at two. His confidence no doubt 8:13 mark. won." by havingone-gamesudden-death the end of what was a very promis- paper thin, Pracey then misplayed Dahle than did his part bang- Now forthe Hawks it's time to playoffs to decide the OUAA cham- ing season for the Golden Hawks. a Western dump-in pass and the ing in a loose puck 20 seconds later hang up the blades for the year. For pion, and it's two representatives After a 5-2 victory over Water- puck defiectcd into his own net. to pull the Hawks within one. That Gowing it's time to try and bolster in the Nationals. loo on Tuesday, the Hawks lost a Suddenly what was a game that however was as close as the Hawks his club for next year. "One advan- The constant complaint among close 5-4 tilt in overtime at West- wasbcingcontrolled by the Hawks would come as the 'Stangs turned tage of being knocked out early is players and fans is the lack of sup- ern on Thursday. That set thestage both on the scoreboard and on the away all Hawks chances after that. that you get a head start for next port that top-notch programs re- for the do-or-die showdown Sun- ice, was now slipping away. After the game Gowing was year in recruiting." He went on to ceive from their student-body and day at the Aud. If that wasn't enough West- understandably disappointed, "It say that he expects marks to be a by the public. Why not have the After jumping out to a 2-0 lead ern's Steve Rucchin fought his way was a game of momentum swings. problem for any prospective re- OUAA finalists play a best two-of- on goals by Chris George and John free from Laurier defcnceman Jim If we would have taken advantage cruit, but added that he will be three final to sec who is best, but Spoltorc, the Hawks were victim- McLaren and banged in an unas- of more scoring opportunities when watching many Jr. Band OHL also attract more fan interest? One ized by missed opportunities and sisted marker past Pracey and the we got them, 1 think that it would games in search of future Golden can only imagine what kind of at- some inconsistent goaltending. Hawks trailed 4-2. Four goals in have been a different game." Hawks. traction a Laurier-Western game After Spoltore's goal at the 5:58 four and half minutes and the Mus- He did not hide his respect for Notes: John Spoltore is the three final to decide the league mark ofthe second the Hawks fai led tangs were in the driver's scat. Western either, " They've got a West selection as first team centre champion would be. The thought to capitalize on a number of chances At the break Laurier head coach good team, solid depth with great on the OUAA all-star team. Bob is not lost on Martinelli "There has toward the middle of the frame. It Way neGowing, in search of a spark goaltending." He went on to add Shelp was picked to the West's to be a better way, I think this wasn't so much the fault of Lau- for his team inserted back-up Brad that they have a great shot at a second team. Interestingly Cap- year's divisional change was a step ricr's snipers failing to pull the Glassford in place of Pracey. national title. tain Chris George was left off the forward, but the playoff format is trigger, than it was of Western The game continued it's tor- Western coach Barry all-star team...One has to wonder three steps backward." Martinelli goalie Scan Basilio turning away rid pace with both goalies making Martinclli wasquicktogivepraise what the hell the OUAA wasthink- went on to add that his team's goal all Laurier chances. some nice stops. Atthe7:oominutc to the Hawks "1 have a lot of re- ingwhen they drew uptheirplayoff is to win Western's first cverOUAA It was at this point that the markofthcthird,D-mcn BobShclp spect for Lauricr, they 're one of the format. First there is the joke one- championship. 10 SPORTS THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 perfect record: 0-14 ARALPH SPOLTORE students with little or no experi- Cord Sports ence in the O.U.A.A. who knew Well that's it. C'est finis. The fat that this would definitely be a learn- lady has sung her tune and both the ing year for them. male and female Varsity basket- Although the team didn't win a ball teams have played their last tilt this season they were definitely game for the 1993-4 season. The competitive in more than their fair final chapter for both teams came share of games. Shawn Roach was in the 'Sor against two fairly tough unstoppable throughout the pre- Lancer squads. season and most of the early games The lady hoopsters went into in the regular season. However, this season knowing that they were the fact that we kept on losing the youngest, least experienced obviously took its toll on Roach as team in the league. They also real- his game (both offensively and es- ized that in order to become suc- pecially defensively) fizzled down cessful they had to play with more the stretch. He became somewhat heart and determination than their of a selfish player who was more opposition. The highlight of the concerned with getting late gar- Lady Bird season came on aThurs- bage points than keeping the team day night in the Hawk's Nest against close. Don't get me wrong, Shawn a very strong squad from Guelph. is a very talented athlete who is The Hawks defied all odds and worthy of his All-Star nomination. trounced a fairly scrappy team from It just seemed that he was more the Royal City by a double digit concerned with the success of the spread. team earlier in the season. The female Hawks had a fairly The biggest surprise of the sea- successful season as far as rebuild- son came from first year player ing is concerned. The team went Peter Kratz from Sarnia Northern. out and RECRUITED, (wow eh!), Kratz has been All-Solar System strong athletes in Cam Vejvalka for the Hawks this year. His hard and Jen Franssen from other teams work, determination,sweet stroke, on campus. The team also had an and leadership qualities make him abundance of first and second year possibly the most exciting player players such as Dawn Trusseil, to ever walk the halls of W.L.U. Amy Wahl and Kate McClenaghan Peter's performance on the court who will no doubt be stars in the makes him an almost lock for the O.W.l.A.A.foryearstocome. The rookie of the year in the O.U.A.A. Hawks will no doubt miss transfer If he doesn't win this award it will student Sue Rymsha who was a be very interesting to see how far major factor in the success of the Coach Jeffries throws the table at team. Sue only intended on being the annual coaches meeting. a Hawk for one season but hope- The Hawks look fairly good fully she will follow in the foot- for next year with the hopeful re- steps of a certain sportswriter and turn of such other leaders as David come back for another season. Bart, Jay Spencer, Dan Pace and In order for the Hawks to be Brian Fretz. competitive next season Coach The addition of local stars ...... momma ..maraomrma ..ra*.. - -112 Lindley must get busy on the re- Tony Weiss and possibly Mike The men's hoop team played their last game of the season on Saturday. This loss unfortunately leaves cruiting trail. Lindley (who must Brown make this team a definite them at the bottom of their division, with a record of 0-14. Pic: Aaron Betik be commended for her hard work threatfortheO.U.A.A. West crown this season), has to find young in years to come. in the history of sports. Jeffries play with more guts and determi- for a job well done. hoopsters that can help this team The one person that I would symbolized Laurier athletics for nation than any school in the na- Good luck next year fellas, and be competitive in the years to come. like to congratulate the most for a me. tion. This is exactly what the Coach don't ever forget how special each The lowdown on the male job well done this year is Coach Although we may not have the has done with his boys this year and every one of you are to each roundballers is not much different Jeffries. Jeff has turned a ragtag most talented athletes around, we and my hat goes off to all of them other and to Laurier. than that of the lady cagers. The bunch of youngsters with very lit- guys came into the season with tle experience into a group of abso- only one bona fide veteran who lutewinners. I can'trememberany had a great deal of experience in coach who has kept his players so Shawn Roach. The team consisted confident and tightly knit through of mostly first and second year one of the worst losing streaks ever, Turn your Education into a Career

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The meeting will take place on Friday March 11,1994 at the weekly Cord Staff meeting. Meeting starts at 2:30 pm in the Turret (Willison Lounge). All Cord staff members are asked to attend as quorum is necessary. The following is a list of the proposed amendments. Routine numbering changes and changes for consistency are not included. An full version of the proposed amendments is available from the Cord offices. Further details can be obtained from the Editor-in-Chief or members of the Constitution Committee.

Preamble majority votes for impeachment, the accused will be impeached pending 5.3) Chair and the Vice Chair of The Cordstaff ratification by the Board of Publications. We believe that The Cordhas an obligation to foster freedom of the 5.3.1) A Chair and Vice Chair will be elected each month term. press and freedom of speech. This obligation is best fulfilled when debate In addition to regular duties, the Chair will take agenda submissions and 8.3.13) The outcome of the vote, as well as the minutes of the and dissent are encouraged, both in the internal workings of the paper, and draw up the agenda for each meeting. impeachment meeting will be forwarded to the Board of Publications for through The Cord's contact with the student body. ratification. 5.3.3) In the event that the Chair is unable to attend a meeting, the Chair The Cord will always attempt to do what is right, with fear of neither will be responsible for appointing a substitute Chair for that 8.7) A staff member may have their staff status revoked, or a position repercussions, nor retaliation. We believe that The purpose of the meeting Vice Chair will be the substitute Chair and will perform all holder may only be impeached, only on the grounds of: student press is to act as an agent of social awareness, and so shall conduct necessary duties of that position. the affairs of our newspaper. 9.4) Bylaws of WLU Student Publications WLUSP shall always take 5.5) No member of the Editorial Board or the WLUSP Board of Publications precedence over The Cord Constitution. shall be elected Chair or Vice Chair of the general Core/ staff meeting. BODY OF THE CONSTITUTION THE CODE OF ETHICS 5.7) Proxies for staff meeting votes must be signed and submitted to the 2.3) The Cord shall print editorials and opinions about the university Chair before the beginning of the general meeting. No member of the staff Addresses WLU and about the other areas of interest to the university WLU shall hold more than two (2) proxies. Proxies do not count towards quorum. Cord new staff members are also urged to respect the community. Editorial opinions are independent of WLU, WLUSU, The Cord privacy and safety of sources, their families and property, and not to staff, and WLUSP as a whole. 6.2) The Board of Publications, as publisher of The Cord, shall assume all divulge phone numbers and addresses without their permission. As a responsibilities and rights for the publishing of the newspaper. The Board of general rule, if The Cord doesn't print it, neither does it release 2.5.1) In the event that a submission to the Cord seems to be in Publications shall not exercise day to day control over the operations of the information by other means.... violation of the Cord Code of Ethics, the matter shall be brought paper, nor shall it attempt to set internal or editorial policies. to the immediate attention of the Editor-in-Chief. Analysis and opinion 7.3) Editor In-Chief Hiring Opposite-editorial pieces, analyses, columns and other such 2.5.2) The matter of the potential Code of Ethics violation shall 7.3.1) There shall be a meeting before the end of the first interpretive articles can serve an important function in fulfilling our duty to be resolved as soon as possible by the editor and assistant (or week of March to hire an Editor-in-Chief. inform. These articles And they have added credibility when they are associate) editor of the section in which submission in question 7.3.2) Interviews for each Editor-in-Chief candidate will be a written by Cord staff with a first-hand knowledge.... is to be printed, in consultation with the Editor-in-Chief. minimum of one half-hour. In camera confidence shall apply to all interviews and discussion of such interviews. Bylines and photo credits 2.5.3) All reasonable effort shall be made to contact the author Bylines must be used by all staff members, with the exception of of the submission in question to inform him or her about the 7.6.7) Proxy votes are allowed, within the constraints stated in section 5.7. section editors, on any or every story or picture.... problem and give the author time to defend his or her Proxies must have the order of preference of candidates clearly submission. marked, and must be contained in a sealed envelope. Conflict of interest Thus it is inconceivable that a Cord staff members shall 2.5.4) The issue of the potential Code of Ethics violation and its 7.10) Resignations of hired Cort/ staff members will only be accepted if notice not would have financial or personal interest in an organization about resolution shall be reported to the Cord Editorial Board at its is given in writing to the Editor-in-Chief, the President of WLUSP, and the Chair which he or she toM writes or determines the play of related events.... next meeting for consultation. Concerned parties may feel free of the WLUSP Board of Publications. Interim replacements for resigned staff to consult with whomever they choose on such matters keeping members will be appointed following the guidelines of section 8.3 4 Letters to the editor in mind that the matter is to be decided by those mentioned in A concise statement about The Cords policy on letters point two of this policy. 8.3.1) After the have has been notified of their pending submitted for publication will appear frequently with the column. Prior to impeachment and reasons thereof by the Chair of The Cord staff, the Chair publication all letters will be confirmed. Identity of a writer may be withheld 2.5.5) Any decisions made regarding the above policy must be shall set up a convenient meeting for the purposes of impeachment. Twenty- on request.... made in accordance with the Cord Constitution and are subject to four (24) hours of posted written notice shall be required for this meeting to the final approval of the Editor-in-Chief. take place, unless revoked by unanimous consent of the accusers and the Libel accused. The Editor-in-Chief will inform the President of Wilfrid 2.5.6) If the editor-in-chief is suspected of being in violation of Laurier University Student's Publications WLUSP and The Cords the Code of Ethics, then the WLUSP president will replace the 8.3.3) The meeting shall be held in a public and accessible place, but the solicitors.... editor-in-chief in regards to sections 2.5.1, 2.5.2, and 2.5.5. meeting shall only be accessible to The Cort/Staff, or others voted to remain by a two thirds 2/3 majority of Core/Staff members present. Quorum The report given to The Cords solicitors must be accurate in 3.1.3) The Cord staffrepresentative to the Editorial Board will shall consist of The Cord Editor-in-Chief, the President of WLUSP, and at all respects. Reporters should make it a practice to file their notices notes be elected within the first three (3) weeks of the fall term. The least two other members of the Board of Publications, must be present on all sensitive stories so they will be available if required.... staff representative shall act as a liason between the Cord staff (including Chair) and ten other Cord Staff members. and the Editorial Board, actively seeking out staff opinion. Photography 8.3.6) The Accused will then be asked by the Chair if he/she wishes to accept News, features and sports Photographs and their captions 3.2) Editorial board meetings shall be held to determine the details such or contest the charges. If the Accused accepts the charges, he/she is report and interpret the news. Therefore, photographs and captions are as content, size, coverage of issues, and editorial content of The Cord. The impeached pending ratification by the Board of Publications md-the subject to the same news judgments as stories, and photographers are as meetings shall be open to any member of The Cord staff. To this end, matter is referred to the Board of Publications. If the Accused contests responsible for accuracy as reporters are.... Editorial Board meetings will be held at an easily accessible time and place. the charges, the procedure continues. Stereotypes 3.3) Any student, staff member, faculty member, or any other member of 8.3.8) The Chair will then call a ten twenty minute recess to allow the Any article, editorial, letter, advertisement or other submission the Laurier WLU community can submit editorials or editorial suggestions. Accused to prepare a defence. The Accused may waive this recess. that the Editorial Board deems sexist, racist or homophobic, or otherwise If the main editorial of the paper is unsigned, it shall be approved by all discriminatory shall be withheld from publication members of The Cord Editorial Board. 8.3.10) The members present will then have a time to ask questions to of the Accused, the question process shall not exceed thirty minutes in Reporters, photographers and editors are cautioned to treat 3.5) A member of the Editorial Board will be elected as secretary each length. The Accused does not have to answer the questions. sexes equally and without stereotyping. The rule of thumb standard to month to note and post such minutes of Editorial Board meetings. Within use when describing or photographing a person is to ask oneself if similar one week after such a meeting, these minutes will be filed, and will be 8.3.12) The results of this vote will then be made known and if a two-thirds adjectives would be used to describe a member of the opposite sex, or if a available to all Cord staff members, and all members of WLU Student similar pose would be requested.... Publications WLUSP. 14 ARTS · THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994

The G9ps9 Donee

Into the moonset the grandeur or ghosts \ough as the g9psies gather in rendezvous. B9 the fire\ight \imbs ho\d unto the erotica or intricoc9 And the nothingness or the sk9. Somewhere near heaven the g9psies donee be\ow ob9ss where movement is intimate and .,..Fl.,...... On the verge or c\imox the fino\ performance becomes eterno\ and ever\osting. When metamorphosis occurs the firef\ies wi\\ emerge rising into the night.

Brondie Schreiber

FISHER SHEFFIELo•s EPILOGUE PART NINETEEN: 11 high of my moment of ultimate We continued to wave out at Just then, Hillary Rodham just smiled over at Sarah, show­ THE COMEBACK triumph. the crowd. Clinton came walking around ing off. KID AND THE The Democratic Congres­ Had Sarah n iced me? the corner of the booth, to stand And then I looked up at Myra sional Leadership, fading out: Nope! directly in front of our table. and Joyce, who were dancing on MIDNIGHT SON II "You'll still... know ... nothing I looked over at het, and saw ''Joyce... Myra ... Carolina ... top of the table, rubbing each 'bout me... " that she now had her tongue in other down, grinding their bod­ Carolyn ... " The Democratic Leader­ I started to use my mind to Kennedy's mouth, grQpin his ies against each other, and touch­ ship in back, jumping in: sense where Sarah was exactly in a~ with bo(h hands: whim it came Ms. Gore's face went blank ing each other seductively: they "You'll still... know ... nothing the ballroom, by listening for the down to her ~nd me and CJi ton again for a moment - wiggled their asses up and down 'bout me!" sound of her heartbeat. ~n!l h r pre . d.cntial aspira~i ns "Fisher ... " Hillary nodded in the air, bumping into one an­ The President, solo: "You But then Clinton just fin­ for 1 96, I guess she knew which greetings to our party. other, pretending to kiss each don't need to read no books of ished the song for both of us side of the bre d her buttet w~s Hillary .. .I sighed. other, Joyce wrapping her legs my history .. .I'm a simple man, (getting in the last word): "Uh­ on~ "Fisher: what you just did around Myra's waist, Myra slam­ it's no big mystery. .. In the cold huh ... About me!" "Fuck ... " I whispered int with Bill was wrong ... and must ming her chest into Joyce's face ... weather, a hand needs a my open mike. never happen again. I hate that It was quite the show being glove ... At times like this, a Well, of course the crowd connection-the Comeback Kid put on for the amusement of the lonely man like me, needs went nuts: it was a great perform­ Myra: " K, OK, bK and the Midnight Son He-Man Tennessee Ball - everyone in loooove ... " ance, right up there with just (;Ht? ... Why can't I meet Womanhaters Club - between the room was being teased al­ The cat at the piano went about anything Ronald Reagan Ktnnedy?" you and him, but now, especially, most to the point of explosion. into a high-energy solo, pound­ ever did while in office. Whirrrr! I it's got to come to an end." And when I turned to look ing away on the keys as I twisted A flood of applause greeted Snap! As that song from "Basic back over at Sarah, I saw that she my head back and forth, squint­ us as we took our bows: and then "Moe?" Instinct" (the one where Sharon was too. ing at the crowd, searching for I opened my eyes, and looked Click! Stone seduced Michael Douglas But just then William F. Sarah Rostenkowski. Then over at President Bill Clinton, Moe? Hey! What's hak­ at the disco) kept pumping away Buckley Jr. - founder of Na­ Clinton shifted a few feet to his grateful. Iflg, b~sides your stomach?" foyce over in the background, Mrs. tional Review, the "bible" of the right, to pull up beside me, as We were both wearing big asked, laughing, wiggling away Clinton stepped back from me, American conservative move­ we made our way into the third grins. to the disco music pumping out angry. ment for the last thirty-five or so stanza of the song. He just nodded, and quietly on the dance floor, as 1 looked I just took out a fresh ciga­ years- went walking by, block­ Bill: "Search the White told me: "Aw, Fisher, I owed you over and noticed Moe was some­ rette, sparked another match on ing out Ratso's line of vision. House with a fine tooth comb" one: and this time I feel like I'm what larger than the last time I'd Caroline Mulroney, and laughed "Son-of-a-bitch ... " I heard Me: "Turn over every­ part of the solution, rather than seen him, Illaybe 600, 725 bitterly. Rostenkowski giggle, even from thing, 'cause I won't be at part of the problem." pounds. But...from behind where the other side of the room. home...!' I put my left hand up on Big With Car ti11c Mulroney on Clinton had just been standing, I I suddenly spotted Sarah Bill's shoulder: "Clinton," I told my right and Carolyn Gore onmy, could now sec Sarah Two minutes later, Bill as Bill sang: "Set up your mi­ him, "Don't let the assholes get teft; I was back in my booth~ Rostenkowski! And if she had Buckley, the girls and I were still croscope, and tell me what you you down." playin~ Mau a\1 by myself, con­ been staring over at the First sitting around, discussing poli­ see ___!' The President's eyes teared fused. Lady, she was now staring over tics and quoting obscure Latin "But you 'II still.. .know up at that. "Nice! ... Nice! ... Benicenow, at me, her eyes rivetted on my phrases to one another, when I ... nothing 'bout me!" I finished "Fuck your hat, Joyce ... " he said, looking up on booth. stood up, shoved my gun back with a flourish, singing these Sheffield ...And Fisher? From top of t6e t ble. After doing a double-take, I into my tuxedo jacket, and ex­ words directly to Sarah alone, now on, I'd appreciate it if you I loo~d back over at Moe. then looked over at Hillary and cused myself to go back over to throwing my arms up in the addressed me as "Mr. President", Goldb . "Somebodywants. , Moe with wide-eyes. And then I the washroom. air, locking my eyes shut to when you speak with me in pub­ glanced back and forth between focus on tapping the emotional lic." Mulroney and Gore ... and then I by Terry Grogan THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 ARTS 15

Ravings of The Mad Poet

Herring from Hell

a.k.a.

The FISH who Played God Always In my Heart (C.O.)

There once was a herring But The Fisherman looked down,

Who thought he was God. From His boat up above, I hold your hand, He told all the pickerel, Thinking Harry's ideas Warmth and trust. Salmon and cod, On the 'morals' of love, I look in your eyes, That happy and gay Were not what HE meant Compassion and care. Just wasn't His way, When His message was sent, I stop, I think, This 'immoral behavior' By His Son, I leave, never want to Was flawed. In the form of a dove. Here and now.

So Harry the herring So Harry the herring, I hear voice, your Laid out a decree, Now rots on the shore, Soothes and comforts. That all Christian fish, While the others swim happily, smile, I see you No matter what sea, More than before, Happiness and joy. Must follow His rule Since the herring from hell, I wish we could stay, And love only fish Now emits his rank smell, Frozen in time forever. That He in his infinite wisdom From the opposite side Should wish. Of the door. I look in your eyes,

My heart starts to melt.

kiss me gently, You Forever yours, arms. I feel safe in your Tim Miller And a tear rolls down my cheek.

The memory willremain, Even if we can't stay here, Forever. A Stranger Natasha Blair Ipass through the room JsfameCessfaces on aCCsides The Cights are down The music is CoucC ConversationfCows as freeCy as the drink 'Butfor me, the worCd is siCent I turn my head and you are there JA Cight in the darkness your Caughter fiCCs my siCent worCd Then you turn your headmy way JAnd smiCe

A Cursed Duck My heart exjpCodes Music fiCCs my souC A cursed duck pecked off his ear 'Words of emotion ruch to my Cips... His face grew peaked and pale, Then you turn away "Oh, how will a woman ever love me now, JAnd the moment is gone Was his constant and mournful wail. Once again my worCd is siCent My emotions remain hidden Rut a woman came and she loved the man, J wiCC continue to admire you from afar With a love serene and clear. Though thoughts ofyoufiCCmy mina She loved him as only a woman can love, To you I wiCCremain a stranger A man with only one ear. Vuane Jaris by: Andreas M. Rothe 16 FEATURE THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1993

SANDI SHELTON national anti-feminist organiza­ JOANNE OLSON decency, reasoning and benevo­ Young women should know bet· Corel Features tions. Realistic Equal and Active Corel Features lence. ter than to go to a wild party where Often when people sec the terms for Life (R.E.A.L.) Women is one Reading Camille Paglia, for me, is Men have penises and there­ men will be drinking. If a woman 'anti-feminism' or 'the feminist such organization. This nation­ a bit like sitting down to coffee fore they are "conceptualizers and happens to get drunk at this party backlash' they aren't completely wide group consists primarily of with a certain friend of my moth­ projectors". They build "things" she is stupid and asking for trou· sure what it means. For many it women who are self-proclaimed er's. In her old world accent she like giant cranes and pyramids. ble. Rape is just "natural agwes­ conjures up images of violence anti-feminists. tells me about her life as opposed to Women are the "nesters", they are sion" and "male power fighting against women both in our society Karen Dubinsky writes that my life, which is sheltered. I am so the creative force of nature. They female power". and in the media, for example, the R.E.A.L. Women embodies the naive. Her reasoning is all very don't build "things" because they Feminists insist that rape is Montreal Massacre. What most economic and sexual conserva­ seductive and complete, almost ex­ are slaves to their body's rhythms not about sex, but power and vio­ people arc not aware of is that tism of the New Right. The anti­ otic. She has been around. She and are a "reservoir, a virgin patch lence. Paglia asserts that it is igainst these symptoms of backlash en­ feminist backlash opposes access knows truths about the way men of still, pooled water where the about sex, because sex is power per ideas compass only a minor aspect of to abortion and birth control, ab­ and women really behave towards fetus comes to term". and aggression. Aggression is a provoking. the range of what can be termed hors homosexuality, and refuses each other. She knows why men I'm listening to this woman positive thing, just look at all the lgainst the feminist backlash. to accept alternatives to the fam­ are so aggressive and women pas­ and although some of her ideas technology invented by male rea· lilies Susan Faludi in her book ily. They combine this sexual sive. It is all based on inherent are interesting, I begin to feel un­ soning through aggression. Sex •n, nu•u~,.· ~ Backlash: The Undeclared War conservatism with an opposition biological differences that today comfortable with what they might creates and destroys through force. lid ancient Against American Women, states to the welfare state (Dubinsky, we try to ignore. Western civiliza­ really mean. I want to interrupt, My ideal of intimacy, mutual eo- eglects, that in the last decade we have 1985: 33). tion and my unrealistic feminist risk rudeness, and say "but wait a joyment, and not primal power k>man. seen a "powerful counter-assault R.E.A.L. Women has actively ideas foolishly put faith in human minute, how does this really affect games, is just wishful thinking. llen~tri~r,..h on women's rights, a backlash, an lobbied against policies advocated day to day What about the woman who hal attempt to retract the handful of by the National Action Commit­ .,.,..,,.,...... ,....------"T" life?" been left gang-raped, though? small and hard won victories that tee on theStatusofWomen, which Paglia's In Paglia's version of civili· the feminist movement did man­ represents over 550 women's logic leads her zation, women are kidding them­ age to win for women" (1991: groups across Canada, while to conclude selves if they assume respect a xviii). R.E.A.L. Women claims a mem­ that women kindness from men who have IMt According to Faludi, the femi­ bership of around 45,000. Evi­ should not been "socialized" to nist backlash has arisen in re­ dently, the feminist backlash in make a fuss that abuse is a bad sponse to the 'progress' of the Canada is about more than name about gang­ women's movement and the per­ calling, vandalism, and violence. rape at a frat ceived threat to the status quo It is about the efforts of millions party. (1991: xix). The central argu­ of women working to achieve ment behind the feminist back­ greater equality, in the work place lash is that "women's equality is and at home, being jeopardized responsible for women's unhap­ because of the backlash which is piness, and this notion is mani­ exemplified because of the cur­ fested in the New Right which rent economic situation. views the women's movement as Let's face it, affirmative ac­ materialistic, and as the primary tion programs, if they were im­ factor dismantling the traditional plemented, would not be nearly familial support system" (Faludi, as controversial if they were im­ 1991: 236). plemented during a time of eco­ Nancy Gibbs states in her ar­ nomic prosperity and there were ticle in Times, that feminism has plenty of jobs to go around for come to be seen as denigrating everyone. motherhood and pursuing selfish Backlash hurts everyone be­ goals ( 1992: 51). While the femi­ cause it seeks to reduce the equal­ nist movement is certain! y a threat ity that has been sought by the to the existing status quo, that is, members of this society, not just the system of patriarchy, feminist feminists. The political ramifi­ backlash neglects the inroads that cations of groups like R.E.A.L. have been made by the feminist Women arc only beginning to be movement in re-evaluating the role felt, but if the tremendous femi­ of the woman as a wife and mother. nist backlash taking place in the The feminist backlash in United States is any example, , , Canada has manifested itself in feminists in Canada are in for a the form of several regional and tough battle. ettta an Is there a problem with feminism, or those that promote it?

SEAN WILDE get the things they want. It's pamphlets on Sexual Harassment support feminism feel unappreci­ Corel Features about changing yourself and how Policy and Procedures, and phones ated and mocked. When I was in High School you view the world, then chang­ numbers of rape crisis centres, shel­ Sometimes I feel like femi­ considered myself a feminist. ing the world around you." ters for womyn and many more. nists think we're all evil sexist believe in equal rights for womyn Beth Hadyl, another This is what I would expect to find rapists who arc out to get them. and the use of inclusive language. Womens' Centre member said; in the Womens' Centre. Unfortu­ Then, when a man gets upset about It sickens me to hear how many "Pure feminism is the doctrine nately, they also have male-bash­ what the pseudo-feminists are do­ men take advantage of womyn, that advocates equal rights for ing material. On prominent dis­ ing or saying these womyn cry out compass all men, just part of and the types of abuse many womyn womyn." Beth's and Andie's play is a sheet of paper titled Semi­ about a feminist backlash. It's not male population. I have been go through. I have female friends idealistic definitions of feminism nars of Interest to Men. Twenty­ a feminist backlash, it's a female cused by some womyn of who have been raped, sexually do not paint the whole picture. nine seminars arc listed for men to chauvinism backlash! for male bashing in the harassed and abused by parents, Both womyn stated these were go to. Here are some of them: A regular writer for she writes. Some of her relatives, dates and complete stran­ on! y the basic definitions of femi­ #11) "Ceasing to act like an asshole WomenWords stated, "I'm not are well thought out and gers. I have tried to educate other nism and that many more ex­ when your obviously wrong." #13) anti-men, in fact I like men a lot." pertinent issues. Others are males that these sorts of actions isted. This is the whole problem "You - The Weaker Sex" #26) Before meeting this womyn, I an­ tantly anti-men. arc unacceptable in today's soci­ with feminism today. It has been "Why we know your excuses are ticipated that a loud, bitter hate­ Part of my university fees ety. When my female friends tainted and twisted by many so­ bullshit." driven radical feminist would greet to support the Womens' needed to talk about their experi­ called feminists. A great number Another piece of paper has a me at the office of the Womens' I'd like to know why I'm ences I was there to listen. If a girl of feminists only seem interested cartoon on it. At the top are the Centre. This was the picture I had to support a group who has needed to be held while she cried in male bashing rather than ad­ following words; "Congratula­ in my mind due to the articles she men slogans on the bulletin about the past I was there. dressing the real issues. Other tions: You arc the winner of a has written for the Women Words of their office! The Centre's I thought this was feminism. feminists spend half their time deluxe dream-date with one of column. Instead, I met a quiet, of focus is evident in their At university my view on advocating equal rights and the these fabulously eligible bach­ intelligent womyn who claimed, as well. feminism has changed. The con­ real essence of feminism, but the elors." One of the bachelors has a "I'm not always a great feminist, Weeks ago Andie Noack told cept of feminism is a beautiful other half is spent in bitter put balloon above his head saying, I really don't know that much me "Men are not allowed in the one. Andie Noack, a member of downs of the 'evil males'. "Hey, I'm a feminist too." How do about it. I wish people would library." An excerpt from the WLU's Womcns' Centre says; The Womcns' Centre is a things like this help true femi­ realize the columns I write are Centre's Policy on Men Using the •u'""'"'"' "Feminism is designed to empower perfect example of this. In the nism? These pages and articles just my opinion." She stated that Womens' Centre states; "... the womyn, to teach womyn how to office on the bulletin board arc alienate men and make men who her articles arc not meant to en- resource centre [library] is still arch 3, 1993 THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1993 FEATURE 17

_ould know bet­ . A woman invited to a frat SCOTT McKAY mainly the work of women want­ It would be reasonable to assume members of the local battalion riid party where ~should not be expected to be Corel Features ing to excel that have ensured that the trend will continue. As complaining that it is a little hard in g. If a woman ~as an equal or even a friend. Everyday the status of women their own success. well, the type of women getting getting some new blood in the ~nk at this party Iough it is "an assault on an­ reaches new heights. More women Members of radical women's these jobs, the type of women "em­ ranks. This does not really sur­ sking for trou­ er's civil rights", it is natural are now put into positions that groups (Women's Centre) often powering" themselves, will con­ prise me. We see members stand­ natural aggres­ :she should be gang-raped in were traditionally held by men. question the resistance of their tinue to be them same. The type of ing out in the Concourse by their power fighting ;circumstance. Fewer women, presently, are as ideas. "Stand aside and Jet us do women I mean are not the type booth several times throughout Camille Paglia is a woman oppressed as in the past. The great our thing!" The people involved that appear so blatantly in front of the year. The general feeling I get ist that rape is 1the media has picked up on advances made by women over in these groups tend to be women. our eyes such as our Women's is that these people do not appear power and vio- 1use of a smartass stance the last few decades are due to the Not a stupid statement. They do Centre people. The type of women to look like they want to be a part erts that it is inst some feminist agendas. work done by women that want to not wish men to be a part of their that do excel in this world, where of our society. YES, I am com­ !e sex is power •ideas are definitely thought excel in a traditionally male-domi­ little army, even though some men being equal gets you far, are the menting on the way they dress. If ~ggression is a oking. She sets herself up nated world. The women that are have expressed interest. type of people that do not draw a they want to get a better impres­ ,t look at all the inst liberal intellectuals and primarily responsible for the ad­ This I can understand, since lot of attention to themselves. sion across to all women, not just d by male rea­ herself with the common vancement of women generally at one time women were not let in Women who take the world for the select few that prefer garbage pgression. Sex Madonna, the Rolling Stones go unheard. The reason for this is a mans' army. However, as far as what it is and try to become part of can shopping, then they should Is through force. ancient paganism. What she that these women are not the type the resistance goes, I have to ques­ it rather than starting their own. clean up their act a bit. I am not a acy, mutual en- _lects, though, is the common of people that blow their hom too tion their sanity in not under­ Like so many visible minority marketing student but I do know primal power man. Women are oppressed in loudly. And yet they still excel. standing this resistance to their groups a few unsavoury types spoil that if a person is trying to sell ishful thinking. patriarchal system Paglia finds We are all aware of the wom­ ideas. To stand aside and watch it for the rest. The womens' move­ something they should make an oman who has magnificent. Patriarchy does en's movement. If not by our own these women radicals take over ment is no exception. Many women effort to present themselves in a >ed, though? exist merely because of bio­ interests, by government legisla­ the world and "empower" them­ that I associate with refuse to ac­ manner that would be Jess threat­ ~ rsion of civili­ ,;al tendencies, neither does tion. Physical places, institutions selves does not appear to be a good knowledge or frequent the Wom­ ening, even if it does mean dress­ ~ kidding them­ c. We created patriarchy and and careers are all open now to idea in the eyes of many people. en's Centre because of the people ing like a definable women by me respect or can replace it with something people regardless of their sex. (I These "people" I refer to are peo­ associated with it. Why the hell patriarchal standards. 1n who have not ller. prefer sex over gender.) Still, it is ple that I would consider to be would some female with a female The recent introduction of a I to understand rational members of our society. problem want to go talk to the plate of nachos to the Womens' bad As one of the writers from our own hard-liners of an outcast group. Centre window should be taken as Womens' Centre wrote "if you Outcast because they think that a bump on the head. The majority work for something you will get bawling like stuck pigs will get of people do not like, or feel com­ it." I cannot agree more. How­ them somewhere. When in real­ fortable with the current approach ever, most people do not feel that ity, most women know otherwise. being taken by the womens' move­ a total restructuring of society is These same women know that in ment as portrayed by the Womens' necessary to achieve their goals. order to excel and "empower" Centre. It is taken by people as We do not have to look far to themselves they have to work their being abrasive, crass and self serv­ see positive action, with respect to asses off just like everybody else. ing. women, taking place. Our own (I would like to note that none of Fortunately, the majority of school president, politicians at all my associations, male or female, women that are a PART of this levels of government and numer­ have to "empower" themselves to society, and do not find it that bad, ous other high end, high profile feel equal.) will do well and excel with the jobs are now occupied by women. In the past I have overheard other half of the population. II JtRiltHM; I\ ""<::::/lh: · ·

Pic: Sheldon Page grattitti on nism comes from Marcie on Mar­ Then we have the equalists. the shit out of each other at HAYDl ried With Children. They don't believe in women's Tommy's Place every weekend. Corel Features Oh- be careful. We're getting rights. They believe in equality. It's because of feminism that so There arc many different types of into scary territory. Many of the What they really believe is that many men are living below the anti-feminist thinkers. On our following insidious types of anti­ gender equality already exists, and poverty line. Hey, homes, the little tour today we will examine feminists are so similar as to be any advances in the status of richest men in the country are several interesting varieties. indistinguishable. First, we have women will upset the balance. I men, not women. Go whine to To our far, far right we find the co-opters. These are the peo­ guess their vision of equality is them. some garden-variety chauvinists ple who usc the language of the different than mine. In my equal You might be getting the im­ - men arc superior, and women women's movement to oppose the world, men and women, on aver­ pression that all anti-feminists are should Jearn to shut the hell up women's movement. An exam­ age, should earn the same amount men (even though I have at no just part of the i:tly for women only." When I and get back in the kitchen. ple? Secret deodorant no longer of money. According to Statistics point made reference to the gen­ 11 have been ac- r a man doing repairs in the Nearby are more moderate con­ urges the use of their product to Canada, women, on average, earn der of the anti-feminist). If you ...... myn of looking mens' Centre library I wrote a servatives - feminism threatens catch and keep a man. Now you 69.6% of what men earn. Women are in fact an anti-feminist your­ in the columns r in the Cord questioning the the values upon which this coun­ can usc Secret (scented or make up 98% of the lowest paid self, you will of course assume :of her columns nsistcncy of the Womcns' try was founded. Yeah, actually unscented) to land that high pow­ group of workers in the country. that I hate men, and that I would ut and address e policy. that's true. This country was ered corporate job. You still smell, 61% of our poorest families con­ never dare to criticize my own Others are bla- Later Andie Noack ap- founded on greed, social inequal­ but now you can fix it for more sist of single mothers and their gender. Well, to conclude our me and said, "You obvi­ ity, and bigotry. politically correct reasons. children. Equality, huh? tour, I will demonstrate for you ivcrsity fees go 't think before you wrote Moving right along, we find Second in this group are the Closely related to the equalists some specialized and exclusively ~ mens' Centre. article." She also told me; people who base their political boo-sayers. The mating cry of this are the masculinists who appar­ female forms of anti-feminist vo­ hy I'm helping go into the library some- opinions on misinterpretation and creature sounds something like ently believe that feminism has calization. See if you recognize who has anti- misunderstanding. When I say .e bulletin board this: "If women get their rights, such a powerful hold on this coun­ any of them . something like: "92.5% of sexual they'll only use them to get back at try that men are now being op­ • "uHicu:s' Centre policy, not to assault victims are women, 99% men. Women will take over the pressed. Gee, I didn't know it was "Aren't they all lesbians? a total contradiction of of accused assailants are men," world.lt'llbethatLoreenaBobbitt a case of one or the other. Can't Eeeoo." she told me earlier. these people hear: "99% of men thing all over the place." It's sad we all just get along? Well, any­ "But I need a man to take care die Noack told lfwomyn don't want this so­ sexually assault women." This to encounter these people who are way, because of the feminists, of me." allowed in the feminist backlash I suggest species is evidently incapable of so accustomed to a world based men can't cry, can't get custody "'I don't need feminism - I can cerpt from the get their facts straight, com­ understanding statistical informa­ on dominance and hierarchy that of their children, can't grab their do anything I want." I Men Using the icate more with men, make tion. I put them in the same they can't even imagine what secretary's tits anymore. It's be­ "I'm not a feminist, but..." states; " ... the points clear and concise and category as those whose only equality would be like. cause of feminism that men beat ibrary) is still *& sakes stop bashing men! source of information about femi- •4»

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Me, Mom and Morgentaler rolled into Phil's Wednesday, Feb- ruary 16th with a slightly smaller group than before, but still man- aged to rock the place. The band has undergone some lineup changes in the last couple of months, replacing their drummer and losing their female vocalist to a "solo project"; a fact which the band expressed their bitterness about several times through the night. She wasn't sorely missed though: they recruited a member of the audience to sing backup to their hit single, "Laura". The band's unique sound is generated by a large and diverse assortment of instruments. In ad- dition to the traditional guitar,bass, anddrums, the lineupalso includes a percussionist, trumpet player, saxophonist, and accordion player. For such a large group, though (the stage was crowded!), they managed to maintain an exceed- ingly tight sound and a relaxed and bad hair all feel. Me Mom Morgantaler: around. Pic:Chico Galvev Loose interpretations of ska band, many social, cultural, and the Green Monkey, originator of tended more towards Dijon mus- interrupted, however, by some or hard-edged calypso come to scientific dilemmas were resolved. the HIV virus. tards. His hint: Garlic and Herb (girl)friends arguing about in what mind listening to Me, Mom and Notably, the existence or nonexist- Also discussed was creamed Dijon. Anyways... order they were going to sleep with Morgcntaler's music. Their sound ence of a green mammal was dis- corn and recent controversy re- Openers Dizzy Spell were also the lead singer. Standouts in the is totally original though, and the cussed. That one raged on into the garding its preparation. Exccpt for in the house for a receptive audi- band were the strong vocals and an music really gets you moving. night - there are plenty of green the trumpet player, Me, Mom and ence. They blended funk, rock, awesome bass player. Songs in English, French, and reptiles, amphibians, fish, birds, Morgentaler were all big fans, in- and intelligent rap in a groovy and All I can say about this night is Spanish also added to the fun. etc., but it wasn't until about 3 a.m. cluding the "new guy". hard-hitting set. My enjoyment of that if you missed it, you fucked Through interviewing the that we came up with a mammal - The trumpet player's tastes their performance was somewhat up. Vintage us a motion. Notjustthekicks,punches TANYA KING not give away the natureDammeshit Van of this heard. Lance Henriksen, who is real acting so let take look at and running, but annoying little Cord Entertainment game, but let us just say that you best known as Bishop from the last the action. Van Damme shoots, of Van Damme There must be something wrong have seen it before. The unfortu- two Alien sequels, is the only actor leaps, punches, kicks, drives, rides scenes turning his head and a bird into a room. with me. I seem to be in the minor- nate, helpless female hires Chance who shows a glimpse of talent, and jumpsthrough gun fire, explo- flying ity here. Somehow I am a female Boudreaux (Van Damme) sives, and other pyrotech- The creative directing is getting a little ridiculous. that is immune to the charms of to be her guardian, protec- nics. There is enough fire There heart-stopping, vein-popping, tor and assistant as she power in this movie to keep was another disturbing face-kicking, bomb-ticking Jean- crosses the lonely streets of Bloodsport Three: any sadistic person water- aspect to the film, no one seems to Claude Van Damme. I will admit, New Orleans looking for ing at the mouth. The fire live in New Orleans anymore. The Jean Claude's final seem I had never seen a Van Damme information about her fa- power lends a great deal of streets to be suspiciously movie until I rented the recent ther. challenge heart-stopping moments to empty of people and cars. release Hard Target. It didn't take Van Dammespoutshis Bring it on, Cupcake the movie, but while 1 real- I realise that Hard Target is me long to figure out why I had usual few Belgian accented ise bad guys in movies often not Oscar material and most action been avoiding him for so long. lines and lets his body do have bad aim while chasing movie aren't. That does not mean, The movie's plot (ifyou could the talking. Accents seem the hero I can not stand hav- however, that writers and directors say there really was one) centred to be the main concepts in the film which is extremely hard to accom- ing this happen every 30 seconds should not try to put together a half decent movie. around a young girl (Yancy But- as Arnold Vosbo plays a very nasty plish in such a cardboard-like fig- in a movie, and it does here. If you like Van ler) whose father was a victim of a Scotsman and the annoy ingWilford ure. Director John Woo also has Damme and action, and you do not cruel game organized by a big Brimley shows up with the most Of course action movies were this annoying habit ofmaking every mind a missing plot and logical meanie (Lance Henriksen). 1 will pathetic French accent 1 have ever never meant to have real plots or event in the movie happen in slow occurrences: enjoy. 20 ENTERTAINMENT THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 Overcoming theodds:Spotlight WHAT'S Happening onCarmelitaflautistHeese CHRISTOPHER SKALKOS Celine Dion croons at the Centre is at The Commercial Tavern in Cord Entertainment in the Square tonight Maryhill Saturday March 5 When flute player Carmelita Europa, John Cage's last opera, UW Dance Department show Heese enrolled at Laurier last Sep- will be performed by London's lots of Spirit in the Humanities tember, she found that she had Trillium Plus at Kitchener's Vic- Theatre March 5-6 received more than just an educa- toria Park Pavilion tonight The Mill-Race Festival of Tra- tion in music over the last six Days of You are at the Volcano ditional Folk Music, featuring months. March 4 Kil 1 iecrankie, Paul Haslem, She also received music Back In Time, a concert of Ba- Catherine Keenan and Martin therapy. roque music featuring Laurier Gould and Nonesuch at Cam- Challenged by a severe case of Faculty of Music alumni, is be- bridge Arts Theatre March 5 tendonitis in both wrists Heese had ing performed in the John Aird Harout Fazlian conducts the doubts she could continue to play Centre March 5 KWS Youth Orchestra Series in the music performance program Trooper raises a little hell at Concert at the Centre in the second term. The tendonitis in her Lulu's March 5 Square March 6 wrists kept her from playing her Orchestra London and the K- Glen Fast conducts the Baroque flute for more than ten minutes. W Symphony perform in the and Beyond Series Concert in However, aftercomingto Lau- Masterpiece Series Concerts at the Theatre of the Arts at UW rier, all that changed. the Centre in theSquareon March March 9 "When I came here my flute 4 and 5 Esther Warkow, an artist from professor changed everything I've Cate Friesen, an upcoming Winnipeg, lectures in the Paul ever done. She started me on the singer/songwriter from Toronto, Martin Centre March 9 basics, square one, starting over eliminating tension in my wrists Flautist Carmelita Heese. Pic: Chris Skalkos the heart. You have to love high as $4.95 or above. And for by teaching me simple things like Laurier. from in order to get collectors like myself, 1 cannot holding my flute in a different po- "I'm quite happy here. The what your playing COMICAL THOUGHTS here is small com- your emotions through," she added. afford to pay this for comics; nor sition," said Heese who credits her music faculty Laurier, can 1 afford to miss an issue for professor, Amy Hamilton, for pared to other bigger universities Aftergraduatingfrom Heese hopes she will someday per- continuity purposes. Therefore, 1 pointing out the bad habits that but the people are friendly. Every- In form full-time with an orchestra; was forced to pay in order to contributed to the tendonitis. one is open and encouraging. something that she had an oppor- collect. "Now 1 can play for almost some universities the competition tunity to experience last Christmas SCOTT KING For example, the Punisher be- two hours and it won't even hurt is so fierce that people just can't be she played The Cord Entertainment gan a storyline running between and that's absolutely amazing!" friends," she said. when with Prince Does anyone remember when a its three titles, which involved the said Heese. Heese, who plays everything George Symphony Orchestra in Nutcracker ballet. comic used to cost 35 cents? 30 bid to become the new Punisher After picking up the flute in from contemporary to classical to The that doesn't materialize, cents? Maybe even 25? Well, one after the old one disappears. high school, Heesedidn't haveany Baroque, admits she doesn't write If she has experi- of the biggest things keeping col- Knowing fans would be inter- private flute lessons until she went her own music as she would rather Heese says some ence in education and in the lectors out of comics today are ested, Marvel threw gimmickcov- to the Canadian Bible College in focus her energy on performing music marketing and advertising aspect the sometimes completely astro- ers on the first three parts of the Winnipeg. Looking for a more in- compositions of others. of the music to fall nomical prices. Granted, infla- series.Totally a ripoff for the av- tense program Heese was accepted "I mostly just love perform- industry back is Heese's first tion, and better quality paper have erage Punisher fan. to Laurier and now finds herself ing; I love being on stage and play- on but performing pushed prices up every year, but Thankfully, companies are studying and practisingharderthan ing to an audience. I just focus on love and ultimate goal. there is a new villain to the poor beginning to listen to the demands she ever has. what I'm doing and what I want "I feel so relaxed when I play to lose yourself collcctor and his name is the gim- of fans. For some issues, compa- "You have to be dedicated," everyone in the audience to know flute and it's easy music," said Heese. mick cover. nies are printing both enhanced said Heese, "you need to practice about my playing," said the twenty in the not being Now at one time, the gim- and non-enhanced covers. How- three hours every day in addition year old musician. "When I think about I don't mick cover was a special treat to ever, most companies and big ti- to your schoolwork." "I want the audience to know able to play and perform what else I would want to do comic collectors. It started out as tles are still using and abusing the Despite the workload Heese that every note is an emotional know maybe a wraparound cover of art gimmick cover. says she is enjoying her time at note and that everything is coming I love it that much." or featured a special guest artist. The only thing that would push up the price of a comic every once and a while was a double-sized issue. However, around the be- ginning of the nineties, special or gimmick covers began to appear. It began with die-cut covers, then I Last Chance I came foil, and after that holo- grams, glow in the dark and at its lowest time, the pop-up cover. I to reserve a I Soon it became a fad, and the fans where buying it and paying for it, in a big way. Soon these covers were to be a must-have, as their worth tended to multiply rapidly. However, comic companies began to throw gimmick covers on anything, just to make the sale. People weren't buying the comic because it was Yearbook or art but I good story even good Keystone a I simply because of its cover. With every new advance- ment, the companies got more 8,9,10 greedy. However, it is not my I March I place (or at least not at this time) to criticize people who buy into the latest trends and collect com- I from 10-4 in the Concourse I ics for money purposes only, for eventually the prices ofthese "hot books" dropped I ike a stone. How- ever, these gimmick covers soon began to effect honest Joe comic collector. Asthc trend continued, main- stream and very popular titles be- gan to throw gimmick covers on every second issue. And that could take the price of $1.65 comic as THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 my ENTERTAINMENT 21 DAVIDBlowPOPOVICH States ZZoff intodoors the international mar- distinctive talents to create that giving the listener the original ZZ cal techniques with all new mate- Cord Entertainment ket. With the dawn of the 80's and unmistakable sound of ZZ Top. Top sound enhanced with contem- rial arranged with current tunes. Yee Hah! ZZ Top has returned the videorevolution the group pro- The music which they have pro- porary elements. It is a greatalbum I'm assured that this thirteenth al- with their latest release, Antenna. duced a number of music videos duced on their last few releases is for those who have only heard bum from the trio will bring them That "little ol' band from Texas" is which introduced the famous a distinct combination of the more some of the trio's past works and as much luck as the past dozen. on the air waves once again sport- "Eliminator" car and key chain, down-home country style of their want to hear more. This release Unfortunately, it doesn't look like ingtheircurrent production, as well and not to forget the trademark earlier albums blended with their seems to provide music of the past these guys from Texas are going to as their new record label, BMG/ beards of Billy Gibbons and Dusty contemporary tunes. and present band. It's almost like a be swinging by Phil's for a RCA Music. The album's title is a Hill. Wow! What a fashion state- This release is enjoyable pri- ZZ Top time line in music. Wednesday night jam session celebration of rock 'n' roll radio, ment! marily due to that mixture of styles, A release of their older musi- anytime soon. particularly the high powered Between all of this work, not Mexican border stationsoftheso's to mention a gruelling touring and 60's that greatly influenced schedule, the trio has been hon- the band and a generation of listen- oured on numerous occasions for ers. their charitable efforts. In 1988ZZ Results The of this band one spearheaded in history is Top a fundraising are Result's self- TANYA KING long time. You can hear it on The latest to be regarded with astonishment. drive in memory of Muddy Waters Cord Entertainment titled album. Since their formation twenty-five for the Delta Museum in Blues "He knows no words, he knows no notes, just does the The Result is a local Kitchener-Waterloo band years ago these guys have had one Clarksdale, Mississipi. In turn the splits and clears his throat." No, I'm not talking about consisting of David Flitton (acoustic and electric career. Even presented to unbelievable before group the museum any member of The Result, but I am relaying their guitars, keyboards, piano, vocals, bad jokes and feed- the renowned trio The a becoming they Muddywood, guitar carved opinion of James Brown. "James Brown Records" is back), Mark Lehman (drums, percussion and saying are today, ZZ opened for such from a beam taken from Top Muddy one of the most entertaining songs I have heard in a okay), Mike Pond (bass and vocals), and Dave Miller acts as Janis Joplin, Humble Pie, Waters' childhood cabin. (bass, vocals and Stonehenge narration). They have Ten Years After, MottTheHoople, They were later recognized by been together for 12 years and should be familiar as Alice Cooper and The Rolling Tennesse Governor Ned Ray they have become regulars among the Laurier Musi- Stones. Talk about diversity! McWherter and given The Blues cian's Network's presentations. Soon after they were on their Foundation's first ever "Keys to The group's musical style is impossible to pin own tour and making a significant the Highway" award for their ef- down: punk, grunge, disco, 60's/70's rock; they are a mark in the music industry. forts on behalf of the Delta Blues combination of all types. The album is a good Newsweek Magazine reported that Museum in 1991. Last year the showcase of this talent. The singing comes across during their 1975 tour they had Nordoff-Robbins Foundation hon- clear and meaningful in "Final Goodbye" and"(This broken Led Zeppelin's attendance oured the band with the 1993 "Sil- is not) A Political Song". record in New Orleans and had ver Clef Award" in New York. The instrumentation is constantly changing, from even outdrawn Elvis in Nashville. Billy Gibbons was also presented the trumpet on "Love's Been Blue" to the marvellous Their travelling roadshow the fol- with the "1993 Lightin' Lifetime guitar work of "Idiot Song". Each song is different in lowing year was the largest ever Achievement Award" and ZZ Top all aspects; music, lyrics and rhythm. This definitely presented at that time, boasting a received the "Band of the Year" makes for a good, listenable album. Texas-shaped stage, live buffalo, award at the 1993 Houston Music The Result continues to gain in popularity lo- longhorn steer and snakes. Awards. cally. Their air time and appearances continue to With each new album release Once again guitarist Billy Gib- grow and a recently completed video will hopefully the band's popularity flourished as bons, bassist Dusty Hill and drum- introduce this talented group to all of Canada. they expanded out of the United mer Frank Beard combine their i SPatrsft ©Ennwal ar®a3l®flr l, s ©©111 j is film like d) Seinfeld your favourite | Have you always felt left out, go out in the March 24th paper. 2) Who is your favourite Lau- e) other • - know one really cares about your The prizes will include: rier-based performer? a) om an s ■opinion? You tried to make your A miscellaneous grab bag of a) Matthew Osbourne 8) What is the cheesiestT.V. show b) Denzel Washington I voice heard, but no one was lis- musical delights b) Squirm of all time? ° U SC a ) Knight Rider c) r / Itening. Well, that was then, and years worth of free c) Andrew Lockington . A Cord I r NIf b) The Greatest American Hero ) IC ° son | this is now. The Cord is offering classifieds d) Flaming O'Haras | ) c ) Saved the Bell — — | you a chance to voice your opin- An honourary submission into e) other by | Charles in is your avouri e i m - ions in our first annual Cord En- the Bag of..oops, 1 mean Shhh...It 3) What is your favourite local d) Charge j 88, JtertainmentReaders Poll. We are Happens bar? e) °'her jj I asking your opinions on a variety One 1994Keystone Yearbook a) Wilf's • ■ ■ M r n" | of topics, all to do with the enter- A Cerebella T-Shirt b) Turret ] c} Fonda Brid°et° |tainment scene here at Laurier So enter now and look for the c) Twist |. and in the world at large. results on March 24. I have no d) Phil's | Mm other I —-

. ■ All answers will be fed into doubts that there will besomeearth e) other , zr— . ) w avouri e an the all mighty computers up in the shattering revelations. 4) Where's the best place to see 1* <• ® ®

J ~~ — ■ Cord offices (where's that damn Greg Sloan a concert in the K-W area? 4 m* :: , • 7 " ° ,S e sex,es i xvh' man | Icalculator), and the answers Entertainment Editor a) Centre the \ , will in Square jQ h f a IVe ' | be printed in issue?, which comes b) Lulu's J|K |

— ■ out on March 24. So vote now, ...... c) Phil's mm —————: : a

. 1) What kind of do § I . . . music you SSI 15) Who is the sexiest women" .and vote often.f Entern your name d) The Volcano » fer9 111 a,j ve? j •in the space, and yo" a)a^icRock , 16) Ifyou could pick one novel! Iw.il be eligible for some really 5 Who .s your favour,«e group 1 1—1 m' A|terna , ive § yo„ w„ u|d like to see made into of the nineties.' § J I fogroovyJ prizes.f r. _ ill > ■ _ c .. ) Dance , w? ' , movie, , if IIsi a what would it be. | You be asking yourself, ,< a ) Pearl Jam may (- ountrv

—- | after you have filled out this poll, I b) Spin Doctors 9) What is the greatest T.V. mo- —— | e) °ther 17> What Personality, '"what exactly do 1 do with it?" c) Arrested Development ment ofall time? music, or would Good question. You have a few d) Crash Test Dummies a) Who shot J.R? (Dallas) you J »ke to see dead. I options. Take it up to the Cord e) other b) Beatles North American debut I offices and ask where the official 6) What type of television pro- (Ed Sullivan) rj- ' yo cou see one an ■ I "Readers Poll" ballet box is; drop y&r?* gramming do you watch most c) The last episode of M.A.S.H. u play at Laurier, who would it off at the feedback booth either a) Sitcoms d) The Bills Losing the Super | it^

' I baUet box that will be stationed in Soa P °Pcras 10) What is your favourite movie jj^ 1 6 ThTpoM/contest ends on What is your favourite T.V. 1 • I'" a I ong" wTth ""y our "'n am o''"fTbe amed ■ will be randomly chosen StarTrek: The Next Generation c) The Highlander ' Winners »||P*a) ame. from all of the submissions, and ■yE'S-'*"b) The Simpsons d) Blues Brothers J Phone Number: I will be notified before the results c) Beverly Hills 90210 0 e) other J j/flMtf- PRE-TURRET ;[ CHICKEN CHOKER | C||K|nA^lri4T

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Graduate programmes offered at Concordia: Accountancy Administration Adult Education Advanced Music Performance Applied Linguistics Aerospace Art Education • \ L m I Art History Art Therapy ChwgSnen, PkM 112 J Biology Building Studies p Bus. Administration Jm 1Lv (Airline & Aviation) fWrnz' (Executive MBA) 112 1 ..M 1 i llia ,d r Chemistry I» ? . * J Wmmmmmw*' Guillevic!f Child Study _ B||j^ggjMMjX^^' I\L I'h.D student Civil Engineering Communication "My professor's computer —hr# Computer Science Economics Ecotoxicology will decipher the biggest puzzle of all. Educational Studies Educ. Technology handwriting." Elect. & Computer Eng. Your doctor's English History it. A that can read handwriting using human thinking patterns. It is the brainchild of Think about computer programme Humanities (a Dr. Ching Suen, founder and director of Concordia's Centre for Pattern Recognition and Machine Intelligence member Instit. Admin. of the IRIS Group, one of Canada's 15 Networks of Centres of Excellence). This breakthrough is the result of what Dr. Instruct. Tech. Suen describes as "close cooperation within one of the most sophisticated research teams in the world." Recipient of Journalism more than $2.5 million in grants, including $1.3 million from Bell, Dr. Suen also wins praise from students like Judaic Studies Didier Guillevic, a native of Brittany, who says:"I learned of Dr. Suens work while completing my Master's in Mathematics Stats & Actuality France, and England. He was widely recognized as the leading authority in his field. That's why I Germany Mech. Eng. Doctorate." chose Concordia for my Philosophy And there are other valid reasons Concordia is the right university for so many people: more than 160 Physics undergraduate and graduate programmes with strong reputations in business studies, Psychology Public Policy & communications, psychology, fine arts and engineering; a college system offering a personalized Public Admin. who are known for approach to education; a friendly atmosphere with professors their Religion accessibility; a remarkable choice of programmes on a full- and part-time basis; and two Sociology campuses with a student body truly representative of Montreal's diverse population. Sports Admin. Studio Arts When you consider that Concordia is also known for being in touch with the real Teaching of Math. world, you can be assured that what you learn here will go farther out there. Theology, Rel. & Phil. Studies Traduction j gEI Concordia I For information, please call 1 [VERSITY (514) 848-3800 or mite to: Xfjy UN ~,,, u PIJW ■ '■•c/ I 1455 de Maisonneuve Blvd. W. School ■ W of Graduate Studies Concordia University 1455 de Maisonneuve Blvd. West, Montreal (Quebec) *f^pa(educafitofots'tfeleaf H3G1M8 THE CORD Thursday, March 3,1993 ENTERTAINMENT 23

the movies; unless you're Meg Ryan and he's Tom Dynamic Hanks it's not going anywhere. What were you Duo thinking-THE BATHROOM AT STINGERS! A one perfect by Tanya Ventura and night stand is one thing, a one night stand standing The Cure Melanie Seal over a toilet is another. How do you break it to him? rate the sonic scenery. With Paris, DynamicTwosome, Change SHAWN CALLAN your phone number, locks-or just try simple Cord Entertainment the Cure dreamscape is entered I was recently relaxing on my lazy-boy taking in avoidance. The next time you have these romantic Attention Cure fans. Anyone who forever, a great addition to any CD a spccial episode of the "Wild Kingdom" focussed urges, stop yourself before you call this "976" hotline. hated "Friday I'm In Love" will collection. I suggest listening to it on animal sexuality. The discussion finally found its Dynamic Duo revel in Paris, the not so new live in a draughty attic at night, alone way to our ivory tusked friend the elephant. Imagine DearD.D., Cure compilation. Following the with a hot chocolate. my reaction when 1 learned that I was exactly as tall A few weeks ago the "girl" I was seeing got disapointing "Show" live compi- Some of the best songs on this as this beast's penis was long. Needless to say, I really excited after reading about the different ways lation, Paris is a tribute to the real album are surprises and some are haven't been the same and my self confidence has marshmallows could be utilized. Things aren't going Cure, the Cure of the late seventies not. An entrancing baseline stalks dropped like a meteor. 1 don't think I can ever feel so well with us now; do you have other sweet and any and early eighties. This record is of "In Your House", making it my good about myself again. What can 1 do? sticky ideas which could soften her heart? a special concert done in Paris fea- favourite new discovery, while the Signed, Signed, turing rare, obscure and the more live versions of "Catch", once "I am an elephant's cock" Stumped On The Mellow Idea GothicofCuresongs. The track list described as the dreamiest song Dear "I am an elephant's cock", Dear Stumped On The Mellow Idea, includes "The Figurehead", "One ever written, and "Charlotte Some- Exactly how tall are you? You should not be It's good to see that our advice is being used in Hundred Years", "In Your House", times", one of the best singles ever, concerned with your height in comparison to the practice. Sexual creativity in the bedroom does not "Charlotte Sometimes", and are treasurable. The only disap- elephant penile unit, unless of course, you resemble have to end when your marshmallows have been "Dressing Up". You get the pic- pointments are "Apart", off of the it in appearance. Perhaps to boost your confidence toasted. Kraft caramel squares become especially ture. mediocre Wish album, and "At you should take a trip to the zoo; large mammals can sticky and gooey after being pressed between two Being born in 1974,1 am mostly Night", which I am slowly but read- be your friends. But take our advice, and avoid the bodies for a prolonged period of time. Honey, choco- a fan of the Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss ily getting used to. giraffes. late syrup, Cool Whip and very ripe bananas offer Me, and The Head OnThe Door era. What's Robert Smith up to Dynamic Duo sweet solution to this dilemma. Jam (any flavour you Paris opened my eyes to the earlier nowadays? Well, originally he had Dear Dynamic Duo, wish) can become both a substance and an action. To style of the Cure and showed me planned to take some time off and I'm interested in this guy but there is a problem make the night end off even better, offer to wash this why such a cult following of the watch the English World Cup soc- with me. Everytime 1 thinkofbeing with him sexually "girl"'s sheets in the morning! group evolved. Seven minute cer team romp to victory over the I get scared of what he will look like naked. Don't get Dynamic Duo songs shrouded with gloom and gangly continental and American me wrong, I know what the average penis looks like, Dear Dynamic Duo, apocalypse are a joy, as are playful teams. As it happens, the English it's just what his will look like. 1 want something to We're writing to you because we have nowhere pop numbers filled with absurdity team's early dismissal has left noth- happen but these thoughts turn me right off. I think else to turn. We are a small group of guys (five all and romanticism. ing for Robert to do besides write it might stem back from when my father use to smoke together) with a large concern. One of our roommates Robert Smith's lonely English more of the dreary yet wonderful cigars! What should I do? Please Please Help. has a peculiar obsession with his penis. When he's boy vocals, a mixture of near whin- love/hate songs that have made Signed, out at bars he feels compelled to "whip it out" at ing and animal emotion, rule. A him one of the richest men in Brit- Penis Phobia innocent bystanders; when he's in classes, he threat- heavy base and hard yet melodic ain. Expect a new album within a Dear Penis Phobia, ens nearby students that he'll show it to them; and guitar and keyboard presence deco- year. Do not be afraid. Think of the male penis as when he's at home, he watches TV with it out. There merely a snake in a blanket, or a little purple-helmetted is hardly a bar in the K-W area that hasn't seen all he warrior. He will not harm you. Perhaps you should has to offer. He's been at it long enough not that become more friendly with this man's penis. You tricks have been devised using only "Junior" as a should spend some time and have a chat with him. A prop. One in particular, called the "budding flower", wee "tete-a-tete" may do wonders. It's time to break is his party favourite. Not only is this behaviour this ice and realize that beauty is only foreskin deep completely embarrassing, it's totally inappropriate.

- and ugliness is to the bone (er). We were hoping you would understand why he feels Dynamic Duo it's necessary to show everyone his manhood (defi- Dear Dynamic Duo, nitely not its size), and possibly find a remedy to this I have a problem. One day I dialed the wrong illness of the mind. number and ended up talking to this guy. To make a Signed, long story short I thought I fell in love and I told him The Bushwood Coalition so. But when I finally met him to do the Dear Bushwood Coalition, "Rumpleforeskin" it was a disaster. He was wearing They say that people who sleep with their socks a really bad shirt and he wanted to penetrate my on will find their feet starting to peel. Perhaps your puckered nostril in the bathroom at "Stingers". roommate feels that unless he airs his unit often, it too These factors have altered my feelings for him in a big will become a little cracked and brittle. Obviously way! But how do I break it to him? your social lives are suffering because of his antics. Signed, You have two alternatives; the Bobbitt method, or Betty Big Hole simple institutionalization. We only giveadvice, you Dear Betty Big Hole, create your own solutions. Falling in love over the phone only happens in Dynamic Duo

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% jf:*** sion, and somewhat disappointing. _ materialize, two explanations were The only reason for its existence is To the surprise of absolutely given; the first was that the record to ensure radio airplay; its difficult no-one, the February 14 release label wanted to delay the release of to really enjoy this castrated ver- date of "Love Spreads" came and the single until the album was ready. sion of a good song. went without incident. The second rumour was that the The original version, how- Aftertheirdebutalbum in 1989, vocals for the song hadn't even ever, which clocks in at 8:28, is the Stone Roses seemed poised on been recorded. infinitely more enjoyable. Dark, becoming the most important band Regardless of the reasons, dreary and spooky, "Stay To- in the world. They could have every missed release date seems to gether" manages to maintain the been bigger, and light years more make the band less and less rel- allure of earlier Suede, while ad- exciting, than U2, REM or any of evant. vancing in a more Smiths-like vein. the other bands that have domi- Oh, in case you're interested, Ten bucks is alot of money for one nated the nineties. Instead, they the new Stone Roses album is due ENERGYsong, however, so all but the most have become a colossal joke. out on April 27...yeah, right. THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 ENTERTAINMENT 25 Destroying & lips GREG SLOAN terloo, and that was very important supposedlivers to turn off about, oh, an to the grocery store and drooled had fun watching other people Entertainment Editor for maintaining our sanity. We left hour or so before that. After we over the stacks of 24's they had. wipe out, but our laughing was Thousands of students have re- Monday morning around 8:00 am, fought off a strong urge to keep The lady at the deli counter guessed tempered with the cold reality that turned to the True White North this expecting to be on the slopes by going south to Florida, we forged we were Canadian after she saw we could soon be joining them. week after partaking in a mystical noon. However, things starting on. We had to get off at the last exit that we all had cases of beer under And it we did. journey to find themselves and their going bad when we couldn't our arms. Three of us did not have much place in this confusing world. I'm find the map. Hey, how was I We got up the next experience on the slopes. It did not talking about Spring Break, a time supposed to know 1 was sitting morningbright and early to take long for this to show. How- for frolicking in the sun and acting on it? When we finally got to go skiing, but we were not ever, we kept with it, and by the like, well, complete idiots. the border we thought nothing moving too quickly. It afternoon we were all having a lot THE The desire for this getaway else could go wrong. VIEW FROM seems that American beer of fun. Well, all of us except for stems from the fact that we all have There were seven of us, so can destroy the liver just as Tang. He was having fun, until he to spend the winter trudging we travelled in two cars. After effectively as our own had a little run-in with a sapling. He through a hundred feet of snow an hour in the U.S. the lead car suds. We stopped at survived the war, but I'm afraid that and sub-zero weather. My friends pulled over. It seems they were FARM Burger King for nourish- this tree won the battle. Tang had and I were not able to resist this talking about geography, and ment and ate something to have eight stitches in his bottom urge to get away. So, to escape the they were wondering what state for New York State, and turn our- that sort of resembled eggs but lip. freezing winter weather, where do was below New York. Militia Man selves around. never could have came out of a He had fallen going down the we go? Florida? Mexico? No, we checked the map, and found that it We finally got to Ellicottville at chicken. hill, and he slid face first into the went skiing in New York. was Pennsylvania. He also noticed 2:3opm. We managed to stretch a We finally got to the hill and tree. To make things worse, he was So we didn't go to where it was that we were about ten miles from three hour drive into six. So much suited up. The chair lift seemed to still half way up the hill. Hopefully warm. We still got away from Wa- that state. It turns out we were for skiing that day. Instead, we went take a half hour to get to the top. We no small children were traumatized when they saw this bleeding, still dazed and always confused skier careening out of control as he at- tempted to make it to the bottom of the hill. He wasn't impressed when he wiped out again and his ski popped off. I hope Tang didn't BOOKSTORE forget that we were on our holiday. ffwuTfi The next day it was freezing rain so Tang, Militia Man and my- IN THE CONCOURSE self decided not to go skiing. We went to this greasy spoon for lunch. Militia Man got a deal; he didn't have to pay extra for the hunk of melted plastic that was in his fries. I got to enjoy what resembled Cap- tain Highliner Fish Patties and chocolate milk, which was simply Nestle Quick mixed in with white milk. I just love it when there's chocolate sludge on the bottom. In fact, because this was a re- sort town, and the object seemed to be to fleece the tourists for all they got, none of the meals were that great, with two exceptions. These meals were at the Barn and McDon- alds respectively. With a name like the Barn, how couldn't I like it? It reminded me of home, except there was no straw on the floor. The salad bar sustained heavy damage after we were through with it. We found the McDonalds Thursday morning in a neighbour- ing town as we were on our way home. The sign beckoned to us like AN EXCITING SELECTION OF the godsend that it was: 99 cent sandwiches. They had to kill a few cows in the back to keep up with the demand. Just when 1 thought I couldn't eat another bite I heard these magic words: you don't have to pay to get extra fudge on your sundae. So here we were, on the way home from our U.S. adventure. We managed to make it in the usual three hours. We did see a truck flip over and land on its side while we were still in the States. So what if ffili" there's a white out and you can't & .SAMPLES sec the hood of your own car; that's no reason not to pass another ve- hicle at high speeds. For a second _* there I thought I was on the 401. SPECIAL OFFERS I was returned to lovely Water- loo in one piece, relaxed and ready # Available after March 8 ■ DATE: to combat the rest of the semester. I had a great time even though I didn't actually go south. Other TIME: Regular Bookstore Hours people may have got great tans, but 1 brought back something even more important place BOOKSTORE than that: cheap llwpJllwaa IN THE CONCOURSE booze. And that's the view from the farm for this week. ■ ;M 112 " % «MB ; jg|g

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BEt.SSSftaa 1 Drop in SOON before the good stuff is GONE!!!! THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 COMMENT 27

volume XXXIV eyeopener the Cord issues 1-27 Mexican I went to Mexico for my Reading Week in this my final year at Laurier, in my last year of "The tie that binds Laurier" since 1926 institutional learning (and by now, yes, Laurier has become an institution). I have a lobster burn and exactly seventy-two undeveloped negatives to prove it. But I'm not complaining. Those are the A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication reasons I went. To fry like bacon in the sun. To take tonnes of photos of people I'll probably never 75 University Ave. West, Waterloo, Ont N2L 3C5 see again. All this I expected. (519) 884-2990 — Fax: (519) 884-5596 the last to do, the one thing I tried to avoid during those daysofUtopian Advertising: (519) 884-5092 However, thing I expected bliss in Acapulco happened nevertheless. EDITORIAL BOARD I learned something. the word Mexican EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sheldon Page I'd never been to Mexico before. So the images I came up with to connect with NEWS EDITOR... Kathleen Honey were stereotypical and naive to say the least. Taco Bell. Speedy Gonzalez. Jumping beans. No, that ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR Steve Doak wasn't right. And all I could remember was all that American news footage of Mexicans dodging ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Greg Sloan between and across cars on freeways, desperatelyattempting to emigrate to the US. I had to question ASSISTANT ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Scott McCormlck how bad a country Mexico could be if its citizens would risk death just to leave it. SPORTS EDITOR JenniferO'Connell Well as most would suspect and as I found out, Mexico is beautiful and crowded and warm. The ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR. Eda Di Liso heat and the massive numbers of people in Mexico were somethingI had planned for. But realistically PRODUCTION MANAGER Lynn McCualg there is so much more to know. So many things no one warns you about. FEATURES EDITOR Ingrid Nielsen Like Coke. No one told me that, in most places, it is more expensive than water or tequila. That's STAFF REPRESENTATIVE Sean Wilde just plain dangerous. Like the cars. Every other vehicle on theroad is a Volkswagon Bug. They 're still made in Mexico. STAFF People call them bellybuttons because everyone has one. Production Assistants: Like the language barrier. They speak Spanish. We speak English but when we travel to their Andrew Cameron country we still speak English and pray like hell that we get our point across by pointingand grunting. Paul M°Lean And yet everyone is patient, understanding and hugely accommodating. Or maybe they weren't. I Classified Co-ordinator Amanda Dowllng couldn't understand what they were saying. Circulation Filing and John Hucullak No one mentions the lush tropical entirely green vegetation. So picturesque is the foliage that Copy Editors: films like Rambo and the African Queen were filmed in part there (ooh aah say the tourists). And Emma Dwyer yet as we speak, the ancient trees and naturally occurring plants are being ripped out by their roots Sandra Gabriele to make room for hotels, malls and Kentucky Fried CONTRIBUTORS golfcourses, embarrassingly overpriced strip Chickens. It's tourists demand. travel own if all you want to Ralph Spoltore, Rob Hums, Scott Stinson, Jim Lowe, Corona Fontana, what the Why beyond your backyard Pete Robinson, Scott McKay, Beth Haydl, Joanne Olson, Sandi see is in that backyard. Shelton, Sean Wilde, John Baal, Tonya Zeiinsky, Amal Moussaoui, I've never heard anyone accurately describe the actual people of Acapulco and Mexico either. Virginia Parker, Michelle Maruk, Scott King, Christopher Skalkos, They're proud and friendly. They're hard-working and sincere. And I was embarrassed when a David Popovich, Tanya King, Tanya Ventura, Melanie Seal, Shawn number of tourists, myself included, were herded off our air conditioned bus to invade and take Cailan, James D. Lowe, Chuck Fairiey, Amit Kapur, Peter Madaka pictures of an "authentic" plantation. I'm sure the labourer there had better things to do than show Wanyama, Samuel Morrison, Allison Potts, Terry Grogan, Brandie a bunch of gaudily dressed sight-seers how he could scale a palm tree in his bare feet while everyone Schreiber, Andreas M. Rothe, Tim Miller, Duane Faris, Natasha Blair, snapped pics to show the friends back home. As we climbed back onto our luxury coach to escape

the stifling stench of rotting coconuts, the cameras continued to click , capturing frozen images of Production: Debbie Moyer, Chuck Fairiey, Shawn Callan, the man's wife, his baby and their emaciated dog. They smiled and waved at us. Photo: Christopher Skalkos, Chico Galvev, Aaron Betik. It's so hard to relate. It's one thing for someone to tell you about the extended beaches and the Cover photo: Christopher Skalkos. powerful ebb and flow of the tide. It's quite another to wiggle your toes in the surf and get grains Arts Section Coordinator: Sean Wilde of sand caught between them. Acapulco was a place for me to relax during my week away from Waterloo. But it became STUDENT PUBLICATIONS something more. And as I flew home, north over Acapulco and Mexico City, I remembered that TREASURER JenniferMartin people are more than news footage, that a country is more than a fast food restaurant, that I hadn't PHOTO MANAGER Debbie Duiker seen one jumping bean in my entire seven days there and that being allowed to find this all out for Photo Technicians Keli Watson myself was a gift. Dickinson Kevin Mexico, as I found, is a beautiful place. But I'll never forget the smell of those coconuts. Graphic Arts Technician Anton Volcansek Art Director Tina Romano Editorial by Jennifer O'Connell, Sports Editor The opinions expressed in this editorial are those ofthe author and do not necessarily reflect those ofthe rest ADVERTISING of the Cord Staff or ofits publisher, WLU Student Publications. Manager Mark Hand Ad Production Manager Paula Kalijarvi Ad Production Assistants Dawna Maclvor David Janzen Sales Jeff Nugent Sean Mateer Allan Pawelek

BOARD OF DIRECTORS Adrienne Hodgin, President Heather Mundell Sue Barry Chris Bradley Phill Kinzinger Jeff Oegema Michael Rosenblatt Sean Taylor (ex officio)

Macs! Macs! Macs! All Letters to the Editor must be submitted signed, typed at (or submitted on disk or via E-mail) and double-spaced by Tuesday , March 7, 12:00 pm for the following publication. But, we can only £rint letters that bear the author's real name, telephone number, and I.D. number (if applicable). Pfease see the letters policy on the next page for all the details. All letters must be no longer than 500 words. All submissions become the property ofThe Cord and we reserve the right to edit or refuse any submissions. The Cord will not print anything in the body of the paper considered to be sexist, racist, homophobic in nature by the staff as a votingbody, or which is in violation ofour codeofethics. It is possible that some really vile letters will show up in the letters section, since it is an open forum. Goodbye UC! Cord subscription rates are 5i5.00 per term for addresses within Canada and $18 outside the country. The Cord is.printed by the happy people of McLaren Press. The Cord publishes each Thursday on IBMs for the moment. The Cord is a full member of Canadian University Press. All commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily represent those of the Cord staff, the editorial board, the WLU Student Publications Board of Directors, or hate mongers. Copy- right (c) 1W by WLU Student Publications. 75 University Ave. West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5. No part of this publication may be reproduced without permis- iSion of the Editor-in-Chief. j 28 COMMENT THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 the level of ing rumors fly ("It's a bomb! Exams are on! perhaps Pyrrhic victories at dis- at the Exams are off! etc), and not knowing how to get course (or how we talk about reality), level had Letters Policy reliable information. It would be nice to see the of lived reality the right has its way. Ten administration deal with this particular problem years of Thatcher, Mulroney and Reagan over- - All letters must be signed and submitted with the author's name, student identification and by perhaps assigning one or two of the campus turned most of the ameliorative changes won by telephone number. police with walkie-talkies the job of "info-guy" the I%o's left, and more importantly trans- - All letters will be printed with the author's name. Letters can be printed without the or something. Someone who can address the formed the world economy into one large free the cake, young neo- author's name only by permission of Editor-in-Chief. crowd - tell them what's going on. I realize that trade zone. You have your

- Letters must be received by Tuesday at noon for publication in that week's issue in print, these fine officers were involved in the search cons. Would you now, like Marie Antoinette is on IBM format disk, or via E-mail at: [email protected] for the bomb (or whatever was going on inside rumoured to have declared, require that every- a one else eat it too? - Letters that are submitted on disk or via E-mail must be accompanied by a letters release the building), but as a student, 1 feel I have right next time rag on the politically form or a signed hard copy that can be obtained at the Cord offices. to know exactly what the situation is. *Espe- The you where exams are concerned. correct for questioning your right to offend or - Letters must be typed, double spaced, and cannot exceed 500 words. cially* Danielle Hood discriminate against those who can't afford to - be The Cord reserves the right to edit any letter. Spelling and grammar will not corrected. dine at the market's all-you-can-eat buffet, ask - The Cord reserves the right to reject any letter in whole or in part, that is in violation of yourself if there aren't other issues—the envi- existing Cord policies. Women respond ronment, the powerof globalizingcorporations, - The Cord is accepting photos to the editor. The Cord will accept black and white or colour the Third World, etc.—better worth your debat- photographs. The photographer's name, address, phone number, student number, and brief Dear Editor; ing ski 1 Is. Because talk may not only be cheap in description must be printed on the back ofthe photograph. One photo per issue will be used. In response to a letter entitled "Hypo- these difficult times, but in fact may be costing crites?!?", written by Sean Wilde in the February usopportunities to make real and necessary 10 issue ofThe Cord, we would like to clarify our changes. eluded the capacities related to the right side of policy. J. David Black and Scott is wrong the brain, such as creativity, appreciation The "offending" man in question was an intuition. Whereas, the left brain ("masculine employee of Physical Plant and Planning. We side") is correlated to more logical, analytical Poor review are required to call on them for all carpentry and Dear Editor; and linear processes. These "masculine" char- electrical work that we need done. We get in Dear Editor: find yourarticle highly charged and full of role the I acteristics likely played a bigger in heck when we do it ourselves. The male techni- I was thoroughly disguised with the Musi- venom, but short in substance. You have a right as survival of species and became characterized cians who do come to work in our library always cians Network report by Ryan Feeley in this threatened, but I think much of fear to feel your "good". Then comes the illogical reasoning, knock, and if a woman is using the room, they week's cord. If the intention of writing the is founded on a misconception of what Affirma- "feminine not masculine" "masculine good" postpone their work until the room is empty. article was to promote the Musicians Network tive Action and Equality is all about. Nothing is "feminine not Which leads many to good". sadly They do not barge in to confront "offensive" CD, it was far from that. You should strongly in that which is designed to make you program "feminine equals female" "female not good". persons, as Mr. Wilde suggested he did. We think about who you get to write reports for your less who or to take away feel proud of you are, (Overly simplified, but you see how it works). endeavour to maintain good relations with all paper. what have. All that is said is that it will you being Feminine characteristics are then discouraged university departments by being flexible and Has Ryan ever heard of the word "com- take the of all better than Canadi- effort average by everyone, hurting both males and females. accommodating. If we had outright refused poser"? That is one who writes music. The ans to move Canada forward. That means all about (Think yourpreUniverstiy education. How entry to PP&P, we would have been condemned names that appear beside the songs on the CD are women and men of all shades of colour and and much of it was spent studying English Math as "sexist". We also would have been left with by composers. I thought the comment made sexual have to chance. are victims social preferences get their vs Music and Art?). We of a hole in our wall. about Kevin Powell was quite inappropriate and

What isclear from is that - sound your argument you conditioning: "Big boys don't cry" Our reading room is not an anti-men room. deserves an apology. Not all composers perform white male with academic are a an average familiar? As Vern would say: "We are all It is a safe, comfortable space for women. A theirown works, and likewise not all performers record, happy to keep it that For approxi- way. casualties of survival contingencies". woman-first room, where men are allowed if we can write music. Ryan should research his re- it The laws a mately 500 years, this is all took. I still don't feel I could call myself "femi- are notified in advance and if it is necessary. Mr. ports more thoroughly. were place which systematically shut the a term more "equalist" in nist", I would prefer like Wilde at no point contacted any of us with his I feel Ryan Feeley thinks he's funny. Well, women and minorities out, thus eliminating the if the move- or something. I wonder feminist concerns. He made no effort to truly understand i feel that he is an uninformed individual with of required to propel Canada received so much or kind competition mentwould have resistance, our policy, or why we exist. He was evidently poor journalistic qualities. Before he prints the forward. Affirmative Action works better for that matter so much with such a for support, more interested in creating conflict by joining lyrics of a song, in regards to Andrew because it reminds that takes more you too you it term. The whole labelling thing however, is the ranksof reactionary anti-feminists whospeak Lockington's piece "the Master", maybe he than colour and genitalia to keep ahead. and works to us your stupid only divide further. This before they think. should ask the composer what exactly the words Such should have the effect of turning you from was much of the point I believe Allison was Beth Haydl & Leanne McCormack, are first instead of guessing. to better than happy with average grades, trying to make. Co-coordinators, Women's Centre Personally myself, really enjoyed the whole average. Your main problem, I think is that you I admit I do not know a lot about the i evening of performances and listen to the Musi- seem to have lost all the steam to improve your movement, but I am assured that their feminist cians Network CD quite frequently. I was ex- performance, and are now crying for the good goals are still humanistic by those who do. It is Divided cited to see an article written about the event old days when a system was in place which unfortunate that the few radicals are the ones energy until 1 actually read Feeley's bias account. guaranteed you a future with minimum effort. must noticed and that they can the whole spoil Dear Editor, 1 congratulate each and every performer and Having better than average women and minori- The aims of most feminists feminist image. I'd like to respond to newly elected Student composer featured on this CD for a job well ties on your heels does not make it any easier. howeverare and the and forequality acceptance Union VP-University AffairsScott McCormick's done. I'm proud of their accomplishments and I Poor Scott...if I did know you, I would have of traits we consider "feminine" encouragement editorial of February 10 by offering a few quali- wish them continued success. recommended that you undergo a psychiatry both and as to the (in females males), opposed fied words in support of political correctness, Sincerely disguised, evaluation. current situation in which these characteristics and perhaps some perspective. Patricia L. Connelly, It is not about takingyourculture anywhere, seemed to be given lesser value. Every generation gets stuck with an issue 3rd Year Music Student or making you feel any less, it is about genuinely Adam Dallaway that hopelessly divides its energies, stigmatizes competing on an open field with all Canadians. the undeserving and in hindsight leaves us all The only way you can get better is to think about looking a little ridiculous. A generation ago, it the future, not the when all good old days you Bomb threat was McCarthyism that made paranoids of many Not a choice needed to say was, "My family was here before North Americans, as otherwise solid citizens confederation". Remember that the ancestors of Dear Editor, Dear Editor: began to look for Bolsheviks in boardrooms and the gays, lesbians, women and most other mi- I am writing in response to the Fish Column I am writing with regard to the bomb threat bathrooms everywhere. norities were here even before yours left Scot- of last week's Cord. of last Friday (if indeed that's what it was - I Today, the debate around "political correct- land. Think about Natives too. can know God so won't know until I see this week's Cord). I wish ness" is the moral panic of choice, serving to How Samuel Morrison I take it that you don't presume to speak for well? Mr. Morrison points out many specific to express my disgust at the way the whole affair identify and punish those, like the alleged Com- main stream white males. The most I have met characteristics of God thearticle - that he likes was handled. munists of the 19505, who would speak out in .believe in a better than average performance, and dislikes certain Is not the mystery of I had an exam that afternoon, and was however mildly against the structure of power. things. and a better Canada...something you certainly God the primary aspect that attracts many of us peacefully studying when the alarm went off at Neo-conservatives—a deceptive term, re- seem lack. It would thus follow, that the prob- to Him? Furthermore, ifGod is the creator of all, approximately 2pm. Since there was only one ally, given that the ideology in question is clas- lem is within you, nowhere else. then he will all. believe like any other half an hour before the exam was scheduled to sical liberalism rejigged for a corporate capital- love 1 Peter Madaka Wanyama Christian that God made me in his image and begin, I waited patiently in the cold for the bells ist era—prefer to believe that power has no therefore there is a reason for my homosexuality. to stop. The only time I saw any authority figure systemic or structural dimension. Following there "the who might know anything about what was going former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatch- Samuel Morrison stated that is cognitive decision of homosexuals mentally on was when the (campus?) police came around er'sclaim that"there isnosuch thing as society, to Gender issues prefer the same-sex over the opposite sex". Why to tell everyone to 'getaway from the windows'. only individuals," the "young bucks of the neo- would I live in which I Editor, At 2:30 (exam-time) the alarm was still blaring con revolution" (as the Globe put it in a feature mentally prefer to a life am confronted with hatred and persecution con- This in response to the article written last in every building. I had no idea for how long story recently) rage against employment and pay stantly? In earlier years of discovery, 1 week by Allison Potts, entitled enGENDERed they would continue, whether or not my exam equity programs, multicultural ism, and anything my mentally did the opposite. I mentally forced spccics, and to contribute to the general discus- was still on, nor did 1 know where I could go to else that offends their tiny perfect world view. myself to think that I was a heterosexual because sion on gender issues. find out, as we obviously we rent supposed to go I believe their opinion that systemic dis- 1 be hated and 1 found the timing of this article incredible inside the school itself. crimination is a left-liberal and socialist lie to be did not want to condemned by my in that I had just been in a longdiscussion which Maybe I'm the only one, but I was getting a highly selective and cynical one. For neo-cons peers and I did not want to disappoint my par- ents. However, I that 1 could not lie to began when someone told me I was a "feminist" decidedly chilled after standing outside for so are enthusiastic to the point of wetting their realized and myself. because I supported equality. My objection was long. Finally I left for home. On Monday when Armani pants when lauding the systemic ben- myself continue disappointing then further immediate and strong as I quickly identified I arrived in the class for which the exam was efits of the market. If only we were to bring the Samuel states that "homosexuality is a choice of lifestyle homosexuals "feminism" with the radical, anti-male image being written, I found out that yes, the exam had rationality and efficiency of market forces to because mentally affirm to love the one type of bodily too many of us have. However, then I remem- been written, at 3:30, after the alarm was turned delivering social services, things would change. form over the other". This to me that he bered a psychology elective I took last term and off at around 3:10. Ifonly we were able to produce and consumefree suggests that after bouncing ideas and theories around for a My question is "How was I supposed to of unions and taxes, they argue, the Reaganesque is stating even so-called "heterosexuals" have homosexual but to be while I feel I was much more enlightened with know this??" Apparently the Powers That Be magic of the marketplace would provide. tendencies choose heterosexual. I wonder when Samuel Morrison respect to the whole issue of "feminism". expected the students to wait for an indefinite In short, neo-cons believe in structure and chose tobe heterosexual? If I was able to choose From the lectures of Vern Schaefer (PS2O7): period out in the snow. Nobody came around to system, but only where the market is concerned. I would and relieve "Feminine" is wrongly equated to "female" by inform us that the alarm would be turned off Given their righteous horror at political correct- to be heterosexual, certainly myself of all the pain. most people. Characteristics considered "femi- shortly (HAH!) and that exams would proceed as ness, I argue that neo-cons are also prone to The Bible is used Mr. as a tool nine" are found in both males and females. (In scheduled. believing in fairy tales. by Morrison to aid his argument. I, as a Catholic, have been fact, in medical terms "feminine" refers to the It was very annoying to be standing out in A little perspective, comrades. Even as the presence of these traits in males). These in- the parking lot, milling around like sheep, hear- democraticleft has been busy winningsmall and Continued on page 29 THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 COMMENT 29

28 was his incredible ignorance in claiming to speak Continuedfrom page surgery business is booming from our feel- not only for God, but also for all Christians. Let brought up knowing the Bible and I have been ings of inadequacy and these feelings have taught that Jesus Christ's teachings are essential me make it clear at this early point in my letter, enGENDERed for this and been created by the market. to my faith. Therefore, I ask Samuel Morrison if Morrison does not speak Christian, shared every- However, this is not only a 'women's he can find in the gospels any passage where his uncharitable position is not by species dollars, a Jesus condemns homosexuality. Jesus, God one who claims a close, personal relationship issue'. For only a few thousand himself, never mentions a word about homo- with Jesus Christ. man can have his penis lengthened. The sexuality. Actually, Jesus preferred to dine with In my life-longjourney of faith, I have been by Allison Potts description of the procedure sounds very those who were condemned by society at large immeasurably enriched by encountering tremen- painful and it made me think of the popular withinand outside the church. (ie., prostitutes, taxpayers). To prove that ho- dous diversity both I am still amazed at how little we learn poster which shows a muscular man undo- I have not found it possible to exclude from mosexuality is immoral, a heterosexual must from the past. I am reminded of how we tell ing his pants with the caption: All Men Are find a God'sgrace any part of the human family simply alter the text of Jesus's teachings or our parents to let us make ourown mistakes Not Created Equal. You probably know outside of the because theircreated condition differedfrom my passage Gospels. instead of telling us what they learned from someone who has this poster. Men are also It is people like Samuel Morrison, that own. In this I believe that I am being consistent theirs. Pretty productive concept, eh? Well, bulking-up their bodies with steroids and make homosexuals feel devalued. It is not with the gospel as proclaimed in scripture and by finally begun torealize the damage exercise obsessions. surprising to know that suicide is the highest the church down the ages. we have is find to the among homosexual teens. Fortunately, I have If I thought that there were even the slight- that unrealistic images in advertising We need to ways fight decided to confront this world with the help of est chance that it would be forthcoming, I would doing to the body images of women. We gendered body ideals that are made with many people for whom I am grateful. I want ask Morrison to apologize the millions of his aren't doing much about it, but we are the intention that we will continuously fail people to know that we (homosexuals) are com- brothers and sisters in the faith who do not see talking about it. Hopefully, we willbuild up and need more commodities to maintain passionate and loving people. We love just like the world as sharply divided as he does. Since I the strength to boycott certain companies unhealthy appearances. We need also to do not believe this to be likely, I would simply anyone else. Love does not have boundaries; that use advertising that is blatantly make this a societal issue. Not just a who have say that, given a choice between Morrison's however, it is we (all men and women) objectifying women. One I would like to medical issue, or a women's issue. Butfirst created boundaries on love. If we all focused on "rigid" (his word, not mine) God and the inclu- work on is the photograph of a young girl of all, we need to notice our roles in the love rather than segregation, the world wouldbe sive Christ proclaimed by Gays and Lesbians (as naked on a couch that is supposed to perpetuation of these images. Here are very different. 1, as a homosexual, try each day well as a goodly number of heterosexual theolo- lying which doesn't in to break these boundaries and I ask thatall of you gians), I would paraphrase an Old Testament be selling cologne appear some thoughts: do the same by "loving thy neighbour". figure and state categorically, "As for me and my the ad! (but that's an aside) -Catch yourself saying things like "Can you Name withheld by request. house", we will stand with our homosexual What does this havetodo with learning believe she ate that much?", or "She's brothers and sisters. from the past? Instead ofreducingor elimi- really put on weight" - focus on important God's grace and peace be with you all! nating this kind of advertising, we appear to aspects of a person's personality. Origins within Yours very truly, be increasing the use of men in similar ads. -Object to advertising which objectifies K.F. Kammerer, BA, MDiv. The Editor, Willi Men with unusually developed torsos ap- either sex. Don't fool yourself into think- Although I strenuously disagree with all pear in black and white photographs to sell ing there is equality just because both sexes aspects of Samuel Morrison's Christian per- Fish patronizes all manner of items. We are firmly estab- are facing unrealistic images. The new spective on homosexuality (17 Feb. 1994), the Dear Editor lishing, in the minds of both sexes, ideal advertisement that portrays women staring only redeeming element of the article was his When I was finished reading the column by images that the majority of the population out of an office building at a construction concluding sentence: "...let us undergo the so- Samuel I felt like not only was I being cannot and should not live up to. Ironically, worker taking a break (with his shirt off and ciological understanding of homosexuality and Morrison, patronized by someone who has no respect for most women I have spoken to feel that the drinking a cola) is stereotyping both sexes. determine how environmental elements pres- me because 1 was gay but also that such a of men who at all advertisements and sure one to form a homosexual identity." increasing number are Look critically patronizing attitude was based on a major mis- What is both redeeming and am using here is objectified in advertising signifies increas- question whether they represent real peo- understanding. While I would not be so pre- that Samuel Morrison has obviously failed to ing equality of the genders. This is insane! ple or set up an ideal. (The use of "waif' to think I (imperfect) could truly recognize the profound ramifications of what he sumptuous It is harmful to women that we idealize air- sized models is a case in point) know God's nature (perfect) or that lor any other proposes. of altered -Seek on eating disorders and Christian follow all the laws ofthe Bible (like the brushed photographs surgically information So let's do it, or at least let's try to determine to majority of those in Leviticus), I do know that models. After talking about this damage exercise obsessions. Also on learning the environmental factors that he contends "pres- this same of body trying to look at the so-called sociological basis could we not learn that type accept your natural shape. sures" one to form a homosexual identity. But of homosexuality is certainly going to be very advertising is bound to be harmful to men We need to demand that body shapes what are we going to study? Certainly not complex if not impossible. Morrison appears to too? Do we have to experiment first? don't come in and out of fashion - there is homosexuals themselves - for that is the end believe that people are somehow forced into a These images are so much a part of our something wrong with having "this sea- product or the problem according to his Chris- homosexual identity by environmental factors. mechanisms that we are not style of hat" and "this breast tian perspective. If you want to investigate self-judging son's season's 1, being gay myself, cannot see how this is environment then there isonly one place to look, even aware we are doing it. The cosmetic (hip, leg, bicep, etc..) size". possible. Most of the other gays, lesbians and only one thing to study: the heterosexual envi- bisexuals I personally know or else have heard ronment. from all say that theirsame-sex impulses started Gay men and women come from hetero- very early in their lives (at the beginning of sexual marriages, are born of heterosexual fa- to die because nobody enters heaven by puberty, when the sexual potential begins for thers and mothers, they grow up in heterosexual own effort but rather through most if not all humans) and that it was not their only families, attend heterosexual schools and something that they had a choice over. Afterail, accepting the redeeming work of Christ's churches and are influenced, supported by and we were all raised knowing how hated and death. Otherwise, all would perish. participate in countless heterosexually designed lesbians and bisexuals are and social organizations and institutions. Soifsome- despised gays, unless those af- FISH oneself through that hell not as a threat thing has gone wrong as Mr. Morrison insists why put BY SAMUEL MORRISON Christians talk about fected did not feel they had a choice in the likes talk- (although 1 don't believe that tobe the case), but, but rather as a warning. Nobody That is about as far as we with any if something has gone wrong its genesis is from matter? get A Christian Perspective ing about hell, but Christ warned more commonality to our experiences. within the heterosexual environment. So why is Often, non-Christians ask why Christ about hell than he ever talked about heaven. We have all come from such diverse back- it then Samuel that heterosexual mothers and died for them. They do not understand why Contrary to popular belief, even this author grounds thatfinding any one single environmen- fathers, brothers and sister, relatives, neigh- Even not it. Rather, Christ warned tal factor would be impossible and trying to find God gave Christ up for crucifixion. does enjoy bours, friends, teachers, clergy..."pressure" (to for a particular set of factors would be just as diffi- when told that Christ died in love for them, about damnation because of his love use your word) a person to form a homosexual cult. Given also that we have appeared in all they still cannot understand why he died. everyone. Even the most wicked he does identity? cultures (despite what some would have us be- By dying, Christ united men to God. not want to perish but rather to live in If you want to study environment - remem- time would make the inquiry including students and eternity with him. ber, it is the heterosexual environment that you lieve) throughout Still, many people, into environmental factors difficult. Also, if have no with their love is the most beauti- have to study - you have to start this sociological faculty, relationship Crea- Also, Christ's there were a single factor or a particular set of investigation within your own environment. tor. ful love. It surpasses any love any man or factors which force one to develop a non-hetero- For only when we have a more mature and Although God wants a relationship with woman could ever give another. Christ sexual orientation, like being in a particular less mechanical appreciation and respect for people, many people do not want arelation- cares for the personal lives of everyone. He context, would not there be a disproportionate human sexuality in general will we be any closer with Christ. they do not be- wants to love everyone with intimacy. He and therefore detectable number of gays, lesbi- ship Perhaps to understanding both heterosexuality and ho- lieve direct with God is wants to each persons heart with ans or bisexuals coming out of such a context. a relationship pos- readily fill mosexuality. Obviously this is not the case. There is some- sible. Perhaps they fear that if Christ is not a love beyond comparison. He yearns to Scary isn't it! or bisexual than the correct way to heaven, they might upset love you. Many do not feel God's love but Randy Penney thing more to being gay,lesbian sociological reasoning. Many of us felt the call the real God. Unfortunately, the main rea- all are still able. to our sexual orientations long ago and seeing son why people refrain from becoming God loves everyone. He loves every Outraged how it was a part of us we were notable to change Christian lays in the social stigma attached person of every religion. He loves the boy no matter how hard we tried the only choice we to being a Christian. with a hating father, or the lonely girl had was over how open we were going to be in Dear Editor: Another reason exists to explain why without a mother. He not only loves the public or private lives if at all. me to write my first letter people are not Christians: they do not un- homeless and the destitute but also the Outrage prompts Gary Van Lingen to the editor of the Cord in my twenty-seven year derstand the difference between belief in weary and the hungry. He loves homosexu- relationship with WLU. In that span of time I Archaeology-Geography Christ and acceptance of Christ. Everyone als equally as he loves heterosexuals. when I have been have had other occasions President, Gays, Lesbians OrBisexuals At has belief in Christ. Everyone believes in He loves the unloved. He loves the saddened by the narrowness of vision and the Laurier his historical identity. Further, many are forgotten and the sad. He loves the unlov- lack of grace displayed from time to time by aware that Christ called himself God. Still ing. He loves students and faculty. Because members of my academic family. Never, how- further, many believe that Christ that Christ loved everyone, he died to ever, have I been as incensed as I was by Samuel Pissed off? taught spare Morrison's column, "Fish" from the February theonly way to heaven existed in personally them damnation and instead grant them life 17 issue. Time is running out to asking Christ for forgiveness of sin. forever. It is not so much his homophobia that However, believing that Christ lived prompts my response. Regrettable though this submit letters to the and then died on the cross does not get one P.S. Since many have personal questions part of his personality maybe, it is still a position editor. There are only to heaven. The only way to heaven lays by about Christ, all are encouraged to ad- he is entitled to hold, and in the interests of accepting that Christ died to make each dress me under my email account. All mail academic and even theological freedom, he ought three regular issues left person once again united to God. Christ had is confidential. to be able to express in the pages of a student this newspaper. What angered me on this occasion year. 30 COMMENT THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994

Luise. WOMENWORDS People's attitudes towards pornogra- phy are similar. They think that looking at pictures of violent sex will make someone by members of the Women's Centre want to do it. We accept the power of the media so easily. It used to be an accepted UN Farce fact that reading about homosexuality would by Beth Hadyl turn you into one of "those". And it is still to that letting PETER MADAKA WANYAMA Then, suddenly, from Baladwayne in Soma- Pornography bothers me. I used sell supposed by many teenagers some nasty human read about sex will make them want to Cord Commentary lia, the world was stunned to hear of white it, and 1 was exposed to do it. supremacists flying a Canadian flag and behaviour. Like the guy who would phone Like they don't already. Sheesh. to The world we live in has been scarred spotting the UN blue helmets, killing the the store when 1 was working and ask me to If you find rape be a horrible act of him - so cruelty, you won't want to do it, no beyond repair by the Cold War conflicts same people they were sent to protect. We read stuff from dirty magazines to matter of it. which characterized the post World War II all trusted that such things would never he would know if he "really wanted to buy how many pictures you see era. Populations in the developing world occur, but if they did, everyone in Canada it". But that isn't even what's going on. are were decimated either through direct low would know about them. This would be very On the flip side of that, I saw how People saying that just looking at a at the naked cost funded conflicts buttressed by ideologi- normal in a free society where freedom of Canada Customs censors magazines picture of a woman will make some- cal bipolarity, or were annihilated by brutal information is a cardinal pillar. The Madam border. They rip pages out, and then send one commit an act ofrape. Are men that evil dictatorships acceptable to the former colo- Prime Minister at the time did her best to what's left of the magazines to distributors that they can be shot over the edge by as nial masters. conceal it from her constituents. without any kind of stamp or tag telling something so natural nudity or sex? God The sudden collapse of the former So- Just last week, the world heard, with what they've done. We would get maga- save us all if that's the case. viet Union created an ideological vacuum, horror, that in Mozambique, UN officers zines that had pages missing, and we had no My Oma thought my aunt's birthmark spots the resulting into a rapid erosion of the fabrics were busy trafficking 15 year olds in that choice but to stamp them CENSORED and looked like the on bunny. Anti- which kept order in most of these countries, poor country as prostitutes. Suddenly, an- sell them. porn fighters think that sex and rape look formally aligned with the communists. This other new face of the UN emerged...from Your government doesn't trust you to the same. It would be an easier world if degeneration created "War Lords", the likes KKKs to pimps flying the Italian flag, and make up your own mind about what you Playboy were the cause of all sexual vio- of Savimbi in Angola, Ideed in Somalia, spotting the UN blue helmets. There are yet read, and they are slimy enough to fix it lence, but it just isn't that way. Dela kama in Mozambique, Hekmatyarand more faces to emerge. It is a disturbing behind your back. You don't even know I would encourage all of you to pro- Dastum in Afganistan...the chain goes on trend, particularly when the most vulnerable what you're being denied. You have no say duce your own erotic movies, pictures, and and on. These men are efficient killing in our society become victims in the hands of at all. books. You know, just do whatcha do with machines who have done their job so effi- their protectors. The UN is ideally the The point of all this is that I don't like someone you care about, but have a camera ciently that they have even embarrassed highest authority mandated tospeak for gov- a lot of mainstream pornography, but 1 hate there. But if you show anyone else, you'll their patrons. The skeletons from the Third ernments, the epitome of international jus- censorship even more. And it has been my probably get busted. Pornography laws are World beaming on T.V. sets in peoples' tice, and indeed the safe haven for the weak. experience that anti-pornography laws con- designed to destroy freedom and creativity. living rooms in the West drove them to take ceived with the best of intentions are even- They don't protect anyone from sexual a stand...conscientiously, they spoke up and When this image is turned upside down tually twisted beyond all logic. violence or abuse. said ENOUGH... to become an instrument of abuse, it is very This may seem irrelevant, but my Tante And just to really wring this analogy The UN was sent in to protect lives. hard to imagine who on earth can protect us Luise has this big birthmark on her arm. Her dry, I have a big birthmark just like my Everyone who had been hurt by the super- from them. Anyone out there with and mother thinks it's there because she saw a aunt's, and my mother never said anything powers, and the war lords trusted the UN. answer? spotted rabbit when she was pregnant with about any bunnies. Genetics, anyone? The world has not improved AMIT KARUR The recent election of the ultra-nation- He wants to attack (and I assume oblit- most liked person in Russia right now. Re- Cord Commentary alist movement to a large proportion of the erate) Germany with nuclear weapons as forms are hurting, and if the Russian voters People often wonder if history repeats Russian Congress brings back memories of "punishment" for World War Two. He casu- decide to cast another protest vote for itself. One of the main themes in history is the early 1930'5, when the Nazi Party came ally speaksof the additional destruction and Zhirinovsky (who is eager to run for Presi- the need to learn from our past mistakes. to power ona populist sentiment and plunged millions of dead people as if it was a form of dent), guess who will be sitting behind the Despite the huge social and economic costs the world into war. justice. big desk with his finger on the button? of the past (wars, famines, etc.) there are And just as in the past, Russia's party He has presented the US with a demand It is hard to see what the rest ofthe world many notable current events that make some has a populist leader who preaches hatred that Alaska be returned to Russia. One must is doing to combat this threat. True that feel that the world is again treading a danger- and views war as the source of prosperity. wonder if he is willing to fight for it! governments these days can hardly afford to ous path. Just as Adolf Hitler did several decades ago, Finally, he was recently in Serb-held throw money down the bottomless Russian Just one look at the headlines shows Vladimir Zhirinovsky is looking to the past Bosnia. He said that the war could be ended pit, however leaders find Zhirinovsky so how the world really hasn't improved since to solve the problems of Russia, not the quickly if the Serbs and Croats would join vulgar that they refuse to debate him. the end of the Cold War. While some of the future. forces, defeat the Muslims, and ship them all The result is that he comes across as a world tension may be gone, it has been Let's take a look at some of the state- off to Iran. Sounds like a "final solution" to grassroots leader who is fighting the elitist replaced by raw hatred. ments Zhirinovsky has made after his party me. forces of the West. Bosnia, Somalia, and other places show was granted power. Now that you have a taste for his poli- This problem is one that can only be how people still consider themselves mem- He wants to foster war in the former cies, you might think that he still has to solved by the people of Russia. Though bers of petty, artificial groups instead of a Soviet Union, in order to destabilize the contend with Boris Yeltsin, a man who has unaccustomed to democracy, they must re- greater human species. Now there is evi- newly-formed nations and re-create the So- the power to dissolve Congress at his whim. alize the responsibility they have both to dence the situation may get worse before it viet Union. In effect, he wants to turn back Unfortunately, presidential elections are themselves and to their fellow humans. Let's gets better. the clock to the Cold War again. coming up soon, and Boris isn't exactly the hope they learn from their mistakes.

Cord Feedback Scott McCormick, where's your response? I'm wondering if I really "misunderstood" your "Correct Crap"? A selection of the last week's Michelle Laurence ATTENTION CORD comments. From issue U22.

Ron Zeeman - this photo sucks. Dawn Las by 1 appreciate the FISH column. Although Chris- tianity is not the only religion in the world, it's I used to go to Church every Sunday. 1 prayed READERS nice to hear it being fairly represented from every night. I read the bible weekly. Thanks this person's perspective. Keep it up! for setting me straight, Fish. I won't waste my Graham Gibson time with Christianity again. Anton Volcansek The last issue of the year will be The picture in the Cord, Feb. 17, of Concrete

Blonde, is actually The Oblivious. FISH - This wouldn't be a blatant exploitation Peter Bollenbach of Samuel Morrision's ideas and beliefs, and the Faith a issue Christian in order to gain reader retrospective spanning Ralph Spoltorc: Remember you have to be a interest and spark controversy, would it? gracious winner, as well as a gracious loser. Adrienne Kolotylo Try it some time. the lifetime of the Cord. Jason Watch Oyston A column just to get letters to the editor or do . you really believe this stuff Morrison? Is the lot #20 parking lot gate arm broken Allison Potts every week or is that just in "Shhh...it Hap- for it on March 31! pens" to see who's paying attention? Regarding Fish: HOLY SHIT! Amanda Yull Shawn Callan I THE CORD Thursday, March 3, 1994 CLASSIFIEDS 31

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