Negotiating Two Worlds: a Cross-Cultural Narrative of Chinese Immigrant Parents’ Encounter with Canadian Schooling

Home , Cantonese, Cao Chong, Cook of the House

NEGOTIATING TWO WORLDS: A CROSS-CULTURAL NARRATIVE OF CHINESE IMMIGRANT PARENTS’ ENCOUNTER WITH CANADIAN SCHOOLING

Xiaohong Chi

A thesis submitted in conformity with the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy, Graduate Department of Curriculum, Teaching, and Learning Ontario Institute for Studies in Education University of Toronto

NEGOTIATING TWO WORLDS: A CROSS-CULTURAL NARRATIVE OF CHINESE IMMIGRANT PARENTS’ ENCOUTER WITH CANADIAN SCHOOLING Doctor of Philosophy, 2012 Xiaohong Chi Graduate Department of Curriculum, Teaching and Learning University of Toronto

Abstract

From 1998- 2009, mainland China has been the number one source of immigrants in Canada (Citizenship and Immigration Canada, 2011). For newcomer families, adjusting to the local school is a major concern, since their children’s education is a crucial factor in families’ immigration decision. In my research, I examined Chinese immigrant parents’ experience with Canadian schooling. The study focuses on four families living in the Greater Toronto area, who have immigrated from mainland China.

I employed narrative inquiry to tell the stories of the lived experience of the four families in my study. The data for these stories are mainly drawn from field notes of each of my home visits and my interviews with the family members over a six month period. I found that the challenges and difficulties the immigrant parents face are deeply rooted in the differences between Chinese and Canadian cultures and social systems.

The discussion on the features of Chinese culture in its comparison with Western culture provides a reference point for understanding the Chinese immigrant parents’ values and opinions on such matters as schooling, moral education, and parenting practice. Parental

ii involvement in schools is different between China and Canada, and the parents, and school teachers and administrators have different understanding on this issue. What’s more, the language barrier impeded the parents’ involvement in their children’s school life. The acculturation gap between the parents and their children is another major reason for miscommunication over such issues as extracurricular activities, choice of university major, and future career.

The less heard voice of immigrant parents will open new venues for the understanding of cross-cultural experiences of immigrant students. I find that instead of mainly using the traditional Chinese practice and Chinese educational values in approaching their children’s education, it is important for Chinese immigrant parents to make efforts to familiarize themselves with the ideas and values that their children are exposed to in the new environment.

iii Acknowledgements

I would like, first of all, to thank Dr. John Wallace for his most invaluable guidance and supervision during my doctoral journey. His help is not restricted to academic things only. There were very difficult moments in these years when, had it not been for his support and encouragement, I would have lost my grip and allowed myself to drift away from my original purpose.

My heartfelt gratitude goes to the four families who kindly agreed to participate in my research. Their trust in me, and their willingness to share their precious views and life stories with me rendered my thesis research fruitful. Their reflection on Chinese culture, their questions about the Canadian schooling, and their eagerness to learn about the local school give new insights into the parent-school relations. Their dedication to the wellness and happy growth of their children greatly touched me.

I am also indebted to Dr. Lesley Shore, who was my faculty advisor during my Master’s study. By attending her course, and reading her articles, I first thought of combining my literature training with educational research. Without her kind encouragement, I would not have embarked on this research in the first place. The kindness she shows me in moments of difficulties will always arouse the warmest feelings when I look back at this period of my life.

My heartfelt thanks are due to Dr. Erminia Pedretti, Dr. Tara Goldstein, and Dr. Antoinette Gagne. They helped me in developing and refining the methodology, the structure, and the ideas for my project. They provided me with the most welcomed

iv suggestions and advice when I found myself stuck in the writing of my thesis.

I feel blessed for being supervised and examined by such an outstanding academic committee and examination panel.

I am grateful for the financial support from the OISE/UT Scholarship.

My love and gratitude also go to Ms. Jemille Chu Morrison, who is a PhD candidate at OISE and my dear friend. I could never forget that she gave me a birthday surprise in one of our classes, and the whole class sang the birthday song to me. I visited her home many, many times, and she introduced me to her friends. She became one of the main channels for me to broaden my social life in Toronto and learn about the local life and culture.

My mother Zhuang, Ruhua, my father Chi, Shaonan, my older brother Chi, Yu and my younger sister Chi, Xiaoyan have always been a great support for me, emotionally and financially, in this undertaking.

My deep love goes to my mother-in-law Zhou, Ruolan, and my father-in-law Chen, Long, who have given me great financial support, without which it was impossible to continue my study in Canada. Their love for me made each of my home visits in Shanghai the most enjoyable experience. My love and gratitude also go to my lovely sister-in-law Chen, Ting, whose loving care of my mother-in-law and father-in-law greatly relieved the anxiety and concern in my heart when I could not fulfill my duties as a daughter-in-law.

v My greatest debt, however, is to my husband, Dr. Chen, Lei: without his patience and tireless help -- besides everything else he is also my unofficial supervisor, having discussed with me about every detail of my thesis -- I would not have been able to carry out this daunting task. My love to them all!

vi Table of Contents Abstract……………………………………………………………..……………………ii

Acknowledgments…………………………….…………………………………………iv

Chapter 1 Introduction 1.1 Prologue…. …………………………………………………………………..... 1 1.2 Research Background ………………………………………………… ……….5 1.3 Research Questions…………………………………………………………..…6 1.4 The Research Problem………………………………………………………...6 1.5 Outline of the Thesis………………...…………………………….…………...13

Chapter 2 Cross-cultural Perspectives on the Chinese Immigrant Parents’ Experience 2.1 Comparative Studies of Chinese and Western Cultures………………………..16 2.2 Confucianism in China in the 21st Century…………………………………… 19 2.3 Distinctive Features of Chinese Culture…………………………….……... …20 2.4 Individualism vs. Collectivism…………………………………………………22 2.5 Chinese Family System……………………………………………...………....26 2.6 Rearing the Children to Provide for Old Age………………………...………...28 2.7 Literature Review on Chinese Parents’ Encounters with the School Culture …………………………………………………………………………..30 2.8 Summary ……………………………………………………………...………..34

Chapter 3 Research Methodology 3.1 Narrative Inquiry……………………………………………………...………. 35 3.2 Positioning Myself in the Research…………………………………...………..39 3.3 Recruitment of Participants…………………………………………...………..41 3.4 Vignettes of the Four Families ………………………………………...……….46 3.5 In the Field……………………………………………………………………52 3.6 Data Analysis…………………………………………………………...………57 3.7 Limitations of the Thesis………………………………………………..……...58 3.8 Summary ………………………………………………………………...……..58

Chapter 4 Inter-generational Relationships 4.1 Journey to the West …………………...……………………………………… .59 4.2 “Fortress Besieged” ………………...………………………………………….64 4.3 Acculturation Process………………..…………………………………………71 4.3.1 Acculturation Gap between the two Generations…………..…………….71

vii 4.3.2 Implications of the Language Barrier……………….……………………87 4.3.2.1 Parents’ Stories of English Language Learning…………………...88 4.3.2.2 What is the Story in a Name? …..…………………..……………..95 4.3.2.3 Language Acquisition for the Second Generation…….…………96 4.3.2.4 Lost in Translation ..……………………………………………...100 4.3.3 Learning About the Local Culture……………………….……………..103 4.4 Chinese Parenting Style ………………………………………………………108 4.4.1 Physical Punishment ……………………………………………………111 4.4.2 The Shaming Practice ..…………………………………………………118 4.4.3 Get the Best of Both Worlds……………………………………..……...123 4.4.4 The Sacrifice Pattern………………….…………………...……………124 4.4.5 Expanded Family Structure……………….………………...…………..126 4.5 Summary ………………………………………………………….....………..128

Chapter 5 Encounter with Canadian Schools 5.1 Differences in School Culture………………………………………………129 5.2 Extra Chinese Homework……………………………………………………..140 5.3 Chinese Math vs. Canadian Math……………………………………………..155 5.4 Moral Education………………………………………………………………158 5.5 Parental Expectation ………………………………………………………….166 5.6 Parental Involvement with School…………………………………………….174 5.7 Summary………………………………………………………………………184

Chapter 6 Interaction with Other Chinese Immigrant Parents 6.1 Chinese Schools in Toronto……………………………...………………... …185 6.2 Social Networking…………………………………………………………… 187 6.3 Peer Pressure from Other Chinese Immigrant Parents……...……………….. 192 6.4 Tips from the Virtual Community…………………………...………………. 193 6.5 Summary……………………………………………………...…………… …194

Chapter 7 Conclusions 7.1 Chinese Immigrant Parents’ Adjustment to the Canadian Schooling……...….196 7.1.1 Learn about the Local School Culture……………………………...…. 196 7.1.2 Extra Chinese Homework…………………………………………...…197 7.2 Challenges or Difficulties in Managing their Children’s Schooling in Canada ………………………………………………………………………..197 7.2.1 Teacher-parent Relation………………………………………………..198 7.2.2 Dilemma of the Language Use…………………………………. ……...198 7.2.3 Moral Education……………………………………………………….. 199

viii 7.3 Impact and Influence on their Parenting Practice…………………………….. 199 7.3.1 Attitude towards Physical Punishment……………...……………….....199 7.3.2 Critical Thinking…………………………………….………………… 200 7.3.3 Change in Parental Expectation……………………….………………. 200 7.4 Implications for Chinese Parenting and Chinese Parent-school Relations ………………………………………………………………...………………200 7.4.1 Border Crossing………………………………………...……………....201 7.4.2 Cross-cultural Mothering/Parenting………………………………….203 7.5 Future Research……………………………………………...………………..204

Bibliography…………………………………………………………...………………207

List of Figures (3) Figure 1: Comparison of Individual-Collective Life Pattern between the Western and Chinese Culture………………………………………………………………23 Figure 2: Four Modes of Acculturation Based on Orientation towards Issues of Cultural Maintenance and Intergroup Contact………..…………………………….....74 Figure 3: Weighing the Elephant…………………………………………………….151

Appendices Appendix A Sample Field Notes………………………...…………………………….225 Appendix B Sample Interview Transcript in Chinese with English Translation………………………………………………………………..227

Chapter 1 Introduction

1.1 Prologue I want to start my thesis with a conversation that I recently had with a friend of mine. She majored in English literature for her Master’s Degree and had a successful career in China. She has a lovely three-year-old daughter. She told me that her application for immigration to Canada had been approved, and asked me if it was a good idea for her and her husband to quit their jobs in China and move their family to Canada. She said that she and her husband chose to immigrate for the sake of their daughter. They did not want their child to grow up in a country where the natural environment was deteriorating rapidly and the school education centred around gaokao (the National College Entrance Examination). I find it a very difficult question to answer because it is a question that I have been asking myself from time to time during my stay in Canada, but still have not come to a conclusion.

I first came to Canada as an international student in 2004, and in 2006, my husband and I applied for immigration to Canada, and obtained the Permanent Resident status in Canada two years later. I am the tenant in a Chinese immigrant family, who also provide temporary housing for newly landed immigrant families. Without exception, the new immigrants that I met would address the same question to me, “Do you plan to stay in Canada or go back to China?” Obviously, they were preoccupied with this question, and tried to get input from someone who had had some living experiences in Canada. My answer to the question had always been ambivalent, “Depends,” “I haven’t decided yet,” or “Either place is fine.” I could see the disappointment in my inquirers’ eyes. In my encounter with a dozen immigrant families from mainland China, who had been in

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Canada from zero to ten years, I found that most of them were grappling with the above question. It is no exaggeration to say that this question of “to leave or to stay” has led me to the present research.

My landlord’s family immigrated to Canada from mainland China in 2000. Through daily interaction with the family, I noticed that the new environment inhibited the parents in their parenting practice and sometimes they even chose inaction since they, on the one hand, could not find a way to successfully communicate their ideas to their daughter, while on the other hand, they were not sure if their way of parenting was suitable for a child living in a society different from mainland China in various aspects. This couple are not alone in this predicament. I have also made acquaintance with many other immigrants from mainland China. In our social gatherings, much of the conversation revolved around their children’s education and the comparison between Canadian and Chinese schools. Unanimously, the parents thought that Chinese school system was detrimental to their children’s healthy growth. Fierce competition and heavy workload left the children no time for extra-curricular activities. But the schools in Canada did not exactly match the parents’ imagination. The parents had many concerns about their children’s school life in Canada, ranging from course content, ESL status, to school marks, social networking, university dropout, low motivation, and bullying issues. During these conversations, many Chinese parents stated that some aspects of the Canadian schools were different from or even ran counter to their expectation before they came here. The most coveted features of Canadian schools such as lighter workload, greater freedom, richer extracurricular activities, and greater chance of receiving post-secondary education, turned out to present new challenges for both the children and the parents. Some of these parents used to think that getting their children into a Canadian high school, would guarantee admission to a post-secondary institute upon

graduation. They regarded immigration as an alternative way for their children to get post-secondary education when their chances of passing the formidable gaokao (the National College Entrance Exam) seemed to be slim. The children going to universities would mean “mission accomplished” for the parents, but all of a sudden, some parents found themselves faced with the new situation where their children quit school in the middle of pursuing the bachelor’s degree, which proved to be the biggest nightmare for an immigrant family who did not have much social capital. Bourdieu (1986) defined social capital as “the aggregate of the actual or potential resources which are linked to possession of a durable network of more or less institutionalized relationships of mutual acquaintance and recognition” (p. 248). And the “volume of the social capital possessed by a given agent…depends on the size of the network of connections he can effectively mobilize and on the volume of the capital (economic, cultural, or symbolic) possessed in his own right by each of those to whom he is connected” (p. 249). For the Chinese immigrant parents who found their children drop out of school, there were not many resources for them to resort to in order to help their children find some alternative ways towards success.

According to the studies on immigrant families in Canada, many parents cited better education and career opportunities for their children as the major reason for immigrating (Anisef, Kilbride, Ochocka & Janzen, 2001; Trueba, Cheng, & Ima, 1993). From my contact with many Chinese immigrant parents, their children’s school education more or less became the focal point of their life in Canada. Even for those who did not view their children’s schooling as a major factor in their decision to immigrate, their focus underwent change as their families settled down in Canada. Their children’s induction into an educational system different from their own later proved to be an anchor for the whole family to stay put in the new place despite some maladjustment on the parts of the

parents. These parents agreed that continuity in their children’s education was very important. What’s more, the two systems were so different, if they pulled their children out of their new school in Canada, they were afraid that their children would not be able to refit into the Chinese system. I heard many parents comment on this, “If they (referring to their children) go back to a Chinese school, they will surely fail in their studies”. To ensure continuity of their children’s education, some parents chose to migrate between Canada and China. Such families are described in the literature as astronaut families, and the children are referred to as satellite children, or parachute children (Chiang, 2008; Goldstein, 2007; Lam, 1994; Tsang, Irving, Alaggia, Chau & Benjamin, 2003; van den Hemel, 1996). “The astronaut family arrangement can be seen as a strategy of family survival to balance the multiple agendas of political security, developmental and educational needs of the children, financial well-being, family cohesiveness, and quality of life” (Tsang et al., 2003, p. 360).

In my research, two families led such a life, but they would refer to this phenomenon as niulang (牛郎) and zhinv (织女), a life style that originated from a beautiful Chinese folklore story. In the story, the beautiful daughter of the Goddess of Heaven got tired of the life in heaven. She flew down to earth secretively and fell in love with niulang (牛郎), a cowherd. They enjoyed marital bliss and had two children. The Goddess was furious that zhinv married a mere mortal, and forced her to go back to Heaven where she belonged. Niulang’s ox, who had magical power, helped him and his two children to fly up to the sky to look for zhinv. The Goddess used her hairpin to scratch a wide river yinhe (银河, which means Milky Way) in the sky to separate the lovers forever. But once a year, out of their deep sympathy, all the magpies in the world would fly up into the sky to form a bridge so that the lovers could be together for a single night, which is the seventh night of the seventh moon (You, 2000, pp. 70-73). The fact that the parents

referred to themselves as niulang and zhinv bespeaks the emotional difficulties and the sense of helplessness in such a family life arrangement. Also, it shows their cultural background, and even their children may not know or understand the story behind the self-designation of niulang and zhinv.

1.2 Research Background According to the Citizenship and Immigration Canada (2011) report, in the last decade, China has ranked as the number one source country for immigrants to Canada, only surpassed by Philippines and India in 2010. Still, in 2010, 30,197 new Chinese immigrants landed in Canada (p. 27). Among all the cities in Canada, Toronto is the number one landing place for newcomer families (p. 30). In the meantime, with the surge in immigration, the Chinese community in Toronto is also undergoing rapid growth. Chinatown in downtown Toronto is one of the largest Chinatowns in North America, and one of several major Chinese communities in the Greater Toronto Area. A Chinese immigrant living in Toronto can read newspapers, watch TV, listen to the radio, do their banking, and see the doctor all in the Chinese language (Wan, 2003). Every aspect of their life is covered by services in Chinese, except their children’s education.

In fact, many settlement services are provided by the provincial government of Ontario and the city government of Toronto. Gagné (2007) provides rich resources for immigrant parents and their children’s teachers. When my husband and I first landed in Canada as new immigrants, we received a whole package of handbooks and pamphlets for newcomer families, in which the most important one is called Arrival Survival Canada: A Handbook for New Immigrants (Noorani, N & Noorani, S, 2008). I did not refer to this book since I already had several years’ living experience in Canada, and had no use for this book. Later when I did research for my current study, I looked through this book,

and found that it contained the most useful information for a newcomer family. It provided information on medical care, accommodation, banking, employment, education, driving, the law, and even customs and etiquette. It also contained a thorough list of websites of organizations that provided newcomer assistance in different provinces. But the book was written in English. I learned from my research that none of the participants in my study had referred to this book in their settlement process.

1.3 Research Questions In the context of Chinese immigrant families’ experience with the Canadian schooling, my research questions are as follows: 1. How do Chinese immigrant parents adjust to the Canadian schools? 2. What challenges, difficulties, dilemmas and tensions do these immigrant parents experience in managing their children’s schooling? 3. How does their parenting practice change as a result of the children’s schooling experience?

1.4 The Research Problem Chinese immigrant parents’ discussions about their children’s school education in daily conversations, Chinese online forums, and my own observation of Canadian schools triggered my research interest in Chinese immigrant parents’ adjustment to Canadian school system. In the literature on immigrants in Canada, there has been extensive reporting on relationships in immigrant families, which often focus on the intergenerational conflict and the settlement process (Creese, Dyck, & McLaren, 1999; Kilbride, Anisef, Baichman-Anisef & Khattar, 2001; Tyyska, 2008). According to the research, many immigrant families experienced role shift because sometimes the male head of the household might not be able to find a job, while the mother had greater flexibility by accepting menial jobs. This situation resulted in a drop in social status as

compared with their life before immigration. I heard many such stories where the wife worked in the garment or toy factory, while the husband stayed at home giving up on the idea of ever finding a decent job. Children in such families usually quickly gained English language skills and they soon acted as interpreters for their parents. This obviously undermined the authority of the parents (Ali & Kilbride, 2004; Anisef et al., 2001; Creese et al., 1999; Grewal, Bottroff, & Hilton, 2005). However, I find the bulk of research on immigrant experiences in North America delves deeply into different aspects of the living experiences of one point five and second-generation immigrants, ranging from bicultural identity, social networking, psychosocial integration, acculturation, to prospects in the job market (Alba, 2005; Boyd 2002; Boyd & Grieco,1998; Breton, Isajiw, Kalbach, & Reitz, 1990; Cummins, 2001; Gans, 1992; Portes & Zhou, 1993; Yinger, 1981; Zhou, 1997). Also, much research has been done to cover the schooling of one point five and second-generation immigrants – their classroom behaviour, interaction with classmates, English language learning, and code switching between their native language and English (Goldstein, 2003; Hernandez, 1997; Norton, 2000).

As I read the literature on immigrant experiences in North America, I feel that the accounts about the family culture of second-generation Chinese Canadian youths are rather sketchy, and the parents’ voices are rarely represented. Also, there tends to be a stereotypical picture about Chinese immigrants. As Xu (2006) has pointed out in her study of the newcomer Chinese families’ experience in the Canadian educational system, the stories told from the parents’ perspectives, “point to a Canadian multicultural discourse that has categorized the Chinese as one of the visible minorities who have been perceived as ethnically ‘othered’ Canadians with static cultural values and practices in their cultural heritages that are homogenized. Moreover, the newcomers are perceived more as the ones who need to adapt to their new life rather than as people who

contribute valuable social, cultural, economical and educational resources to the increasingly diverse society” (p. 6). From my own research experience, I think that there are several reasons for such an absence of the parents’ opinions, and the stereotypical picture of Chinese immigrants. One is the language barrier, and the other is that the immigrant parents are very busy making a living to support the family, and cannot spare time to participate in their children’s school activities, or a longitudinal research conducted by university professors. In fact, none of the participants in my research got involved in school activities, and they did not participate in the parent council. Later in my thesis, I will explore the reasons of this lack of presence of Chinese parents in their children’s schools.

From my interaction with the Chinese immigrant families, I think it is equally important to present immigrant parents’ ideas and opinions on their children’s education. Family life plays an important role in a child’s identity development. Chinese parents are known for their invested interest in and dedication to their children’s education. This is often linked back to the Confucian tradition in China that reveres education (Hsu, 1953; Liang, 1975; Lin, 1956; Tung, 2000). I have known many Chinese parents whose spare time revolves solely around managing their children’s study. Some parents would give up their career for the sake of their children. For instance, in a BBC documentary entitled Chinese School, a mother in Anhui (安徽) province quit her job to take care of her daughter who was in the last year of high school. The parents felt that the time was precious for their daughter and they did not want her to commute to school. But they did not want her to board at the school either, because the conditions of the dormitory were not that good. They decided to rent a room for their daughter near her school. The rented room did not include a kitchen, so every day the mother cooked at home, and came over twice to bring her daughter the meals. At night, she would stay with her daughter. Even

though the family members all stayed in the same city, they lived in two different places and the mother devoted her time and care to her daughter (Blades, 2008). One of the participants in my research also mentioned that one of her former colleagues quit her job to accompany her daughter in her school life.

Such a phenomenon is a new trend in Chinese society. Two decades ago, when I was in high school, such practice was unheard of. This phenomenon is partly caused by the one-child policy adopted in China since the 1970s (http://www.gov.cn/zwgk/2005-06/02/content_3845.htm) and the booming economy. A family now has the resources to invest in the child’s education in such a manner. There had been reports in Chinese media about this phenomenon and how the rental fees for houses that were close to major high schools had skyrocketed. According to one report in Bandao News (the major newspaper in Qingdao, one of China’s most popular coastal cities), many families chose to rent a house near their child’s high school, while at the same time they still had to pay the maintenance fee for their own house, which added extra financial pressure on the parents. Also, in some cases, this kind of arrangement meant extra commuting time to work for the parents. A researcher at Qingdao Normal University who was interviewed in this report was against such practice, and felt that by doing so, the parents actually took away the students’ time for rest and entertainment and such sacrifices by the parents put extra pressure on the students, who would feel guilty if they did not do well in their study (Xu & Liu, 2011).

For overseas Chinese, although many of the families choose to have more than one child, they still feel the pressure from their relatives, friends, former colleagues, or classmates in China to invest more in their children’s education. The internet has made communication between immigrants and their families in China much easier. By surfing

the internet, immigrants can keep pace with the latest trend and hottest topics in Chinese society. What’s more, the immigrant parents themselves are also greatly influenced by the Chinese tradition that highly values education. As I have mentioned before, many parents immigrated so that their children would have a better education and a better future. Naturally, they did not want their children to lag behind their peers in China in every aspect of their education.

I found in the literature that, where Chinese immigrants are concerned, little distinction has been made about the specific places of origin. Whether the immigrants come from mainland China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia or Vietnam, they all fall into the summative description - Chinese. In fact, there are substantial cultural, socio-economic and political differences among these main sources of Chinese immigrants. These regions and countries have different political systems and different interpretation of traditional Chinese culture. Shih (1998) has pointed out the limitation of categorizing people according to their ethnicity, “The criteria used for determining ethnicity often focus on the observable aspect of ethnicity, such as the general geographical location of ancestry, home language, and sometimes, physical appearance alone. Such a definition of ethnicity encompasses groups from diverse cultures that may have little in common” (p. 213). Before 1997, Hong Kong remained a British colony for over a century, and the people were officially British Nationals Overseas (BNO) (Skeldon, 1994). Taiwan was a colony under the government of the Dutch and the Japanese until 1945. When the Chinese Communist Party established the People’s Republic of China in 1949, the Nationalists moved their political centre to Taiwan. Long Yingtai, a renowned Taiwanese writer touched upon this issue in a speech given in Melbourne, Australia. She said that she often sent the same article to Taipei, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore, and US. Sometimes if the topic was not that controversial

according to the standards of China, she would also send one copy to mainland China. On the one hand, it showed that different Chinese communities were interested in similar topics, but on the other hand, she had to send the article to each of them because these regions and countries were isolated from each other (Long, 2007).

My own encounter with a Chinese woman from Singapore reminded me of the cultural differences between us, even though we looked very much alike. When she learned that I came to Canada all by myself, and my husband stayed in China, she was astounded, “You girls from mainland China are really independent and courageous, you know, in Singapore and Taiwan, girls were taught to be docile and obedient to their husbands. I can never imagine coming to Canada without my husband.” The shock I received from this conversation was by no means less than her surprise. I took my independence for granted, and it had never occurred to me that I could be a contented housewife without pursuing any career. The education I received ever since primary school was that ‘Women hold up half of the sky’, a propaganda slogan from the government. Girls could also be scientists, doctors, engineers as long as they put their hearts into it. I love my family, but the idea of becoming a dependent of my husband is so foreign to me. Only when that woman from Singapore pointed out this fact did it strike home to me that I might as well give my education some credit for that. I had been so critical of my schooling in mainland China that I became blinded to some of its strengths too. The above anecdote shows how we are defined by our up-bringing, and how important it is to distinguish the places of origin of Chinese immigrants.

I have long noticed an interesting phenomenon in Chinese society, which was the division in people’s public ideology and private opinions. Since the government wouldn’t tolerate ideas and opinions different from the dominant communist ideology,

the masses under its rule instinctively acquired camouflage to protect themselves. The survival rule is to show conformity to the overarching ideology and keep “real” ideas and opinions to the private sphere. Growing up in such atmosphere, it had become our second nature to wear masks in our social roles, and be cautious of what we are saying in a public sphere. In recent years, due to the rapid globalization and the exponential growth of internet, this dualism has been rendered more conspicuous and bizarre. The access to vast store of news and information has changed the views of this generation in China drastically. The intellectuals advocating for democracy in China find a platform in the internet where they can voice their ideas to a much larger audience than they could ever reach before. Especially in the past two years, weibo (the Chinese version of Twitter) (http://weibo.com/) has become a powerful tool to challenge the views of the government-controlled media. I once did a research, where I interviewed a woman from mainland China, and the moment the recorder started rolling, her air and demeanour changed as if she were attending a formal meeting in mainland China. And she would express herself in such sentence as “We should learn from them in this aspect”, which is a slogan-like line frequently used on those occasions, which meant nothing to the speaker and the audience. Her manner formed a sharp contrast with the casual and candid conversation we just had despite her full awareness that I was conducting an interview with her for a research project. Many Chinese immigrants I met in Toronto were quite vocal in their criticism of Chinese government, but they would still put up a social façade when they felt that their comments might reach a larger audience, as illustrated in the example I cited above.

It is important to get the stories of Chinese immigrants also because the life story of Chinese abroad has remained a mystery for decades before China opened its door to the outside world and the internet provided new communication channels between Chinese

from all parts of the world. There are Chinese websites based in major cities of North America and such sites have become a haven for overseas Chinese who feel left out by the local social life and try to find a platform to air their fermented opinions and ideas. These websites also include employment advertisements, rental information, and flea markets. Yet their voice has not reached beyond the Chinese community due to the language barrier. I feel better positioned to understand and interpret the cross-cultural experiences of immigrants from mainland China, since I come from the same country. This is the reason why I choose immigrants from mainland China as the subject of my research. Like myself, these Chinese immigrant parents feel constantly the ideological, political, cultural, and educational clashes between Canada and China. I will explore in my research the parents’ adjustment to the Canadian schooling. These stories would also help educators to have a clearer understanding of their Chinese students’ family culture, thus shedding light on ways of better communication with Chinese immigrant parents.

1.5 Outline of the Thesis In this introductory chapter, I explained how I developed interest in my current study. My interest in the research topic is closely related to my own experience as an immigrant in Canada. Like my research participants, I was also learning about the Canadian school and culture by comparing them with Chinese school and culture. Some of my long-held ideas and opinions were challenged and underwent changes because of the encounter with a new culture and system. My research questions grew out of my lived experience in Canada, and could be viewed as an entry point in getting to know the family life of Chinese immigrant students.

Including this chapter, this thesis contains seven chapters. In Chapter 2, I reviewed the research that informs my current study. Liang’s (1975) theory on Chinese culture, and its

comparison with the Western culture lay the foundation for the interpretation and understanding of Chinese immigrants’ cross-cultural experiences. Liang’s (1975) summarization of the distinctive features of Chinese culture, the Chinese family system, and the importance of ethical relation in the Chinese society will help us better understand the Chinese immigrant parents’ opinions and values, and their efforts of getting adjusted to the new culture. I also reviewed the research on Chinese immigrant parents’ encounters with schooling in North America. Some of the research focused on the relationship between the parents’ expectation and the students’ achievement, while others focused on parent-teacher relations. Border pedagogy was one of the effective ways in addressing the question of how to better improve the school-family relations. These research findings provide new insights into my research participants’ experience with Canadian schools. In Chapter 3, I wrote about the methodology employed in my current study. I explained why I chose to use narrative inquiry, and how it could realize the purpose of my study. I then gave a detailed account of my fieldwork, and the methods I employed in analyzing the data. I dedicated one section to the discussion of the limitation of my current study.

In Chapter 4, I discussed the inter-generational relationships in Chinese immigrant families. To understand the Chinese immigrant parents’ encounter with Canadian schooling, it is important to first understand the interaction between the parents and their children in the family. I discussed the Chinese parenting style, and the challenges in parenting practice when the parents’ expectations, and cultural habits cannot be understood or accepted by their children as they absorbed new ideas, and values from the school, that were different from the parents’ long-held beliefs. The language factor plays a significant role in parent-child relations. As the children received education in English, and their usage of the Chinese language was limited to basic daily interaction at

home, there tended to be a gap between the two generations. In the next chapter, I explored the parents’ views on Canadian schools. There are great differences between Chinese and Canadian schools in terms of curriculum content, teaching style, school setting, classroom arrangement, course selection, and college recruitment process. The mothers in my study gradually learned about the features of Canadian schools, and they used their knowledge and experience with Chinese schools as a frame of reference, and started to form their judgment as to what they could do to help and support their children in their study. I then discussed the challenges for the parents when they try to get more involved in their children’s school life.

Chapter 6 deals with the parents’ interaction with other Chinese immigrant parents, which constitutes the major source of information for them as far as Canadian schooling is concerned. This is also the major form of social networking for the parents in my study. Another major source of information comes from the virtual community, where Chinese immigrant parents sought advice, exchanged information, downloaded useful materials on various aspects of Canadian schooling. The last chapter concludes the entire thesis. I talked about the findings of my study, and its contribution to discussions of parent-school relations. I then discussed the possibility and direction for further research, and its significance in facilitating better understanding of Chinese immigrant parents and their children’s cross-cultural experience.

Chapter 2 Cross-cultural Perspectives on the Chinese Immigrant

Parents’ Experience

In this chapter, I explored the research that informs my present study. The purpose of my study is to have a better understanding of Chinese immigrant parents’ views on their children’s education in Canada, which can be best described as a cross-cultural experience. I took a look at the comparative studies of Chinese and Western cultures, and I am greatly influenced by the work of Liang Shuming1 (1975) in my interpretation of the stories of the mothers in my study. The traditional Chinese family values are essential for understanding the Chinese family culture, and the relationship between the two generations. Then I had a review of the research on the Chinese immigrant parents’ encounters with schooling in the North America. Border pedagogy is also an important concept in building better parent-school relations.

2.1 Comparative Studies of Chinese and Western Cultures The comparison between Chinese and Western cultures has fascinated Chinese scholars ever since Western culture was systematically introduced into China around 17th century. In the literature on cross-cultural studies, there has been a lot of comparison done between Chinese and Western cultures, and the purpose of such comparison is mainly trying to find out the weaknesses in Chinese culture, and to learn from the Western culture (Ho, 1994; Hsu, 1953; Hu, 1996; Lin 1956). Before the cultural movement, the dominant ideological system in Chinese society was Confucianism. It became influential

1 There are many Confucian scholars on Chinese culture, Tu Weiming, Mou Zongsan and Tang Junyi, to name just a few. I have chosen Liang’s theory because of his first-hand observation and insights on Chinese social structure, and how the people interact with each other in the social setting. The purpose is not to explore different schools of Confucianism which have subtle differences in their understanding and interpretation of the teachings of Confucius. Liang’s observation on the distinctive features of Chinese culture provides a backdrop for understanding the Chinese immigrant parents’ values and beliefs.

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after it was adopted as the official ethical and philosophical system around 200 BC by the government in the Han dynasty. Ever since, it had enjoyed a dominant position in every aspect of Chinese life. The situation changed at the later stage of the reign by Qing dynasty (1644-1912). The Western world underwent revolutionary changes during late 19th century and early 20th century as a result of the process of industrialization, while China at that time was still a country relying on farming. Its close-door foreign policy did not protect it from the invasion of Western countries. Starting from 1800 to 1895, Qing was under constant military threat by Western countries, and its neighbouring Russia and Japan. The defence of Qing dynasty collapsed in confrontation with Western weaponry and warships. And treaties were signed where the Qing government gave out lands, large amounts of money, and some sovereign rights (Hsu, 1999). As the country was in the danger of being divided among the foreign countries, the Chinese people started to scrutinize their culture and government to find an answer for the humiliating experience at the hands of the invaders. The purpose of learning Western culture was thus summarized by Wei Yuan, a famous scholar in Qing Dynasty, in the introduction to his book entitled World Geography Records, “to learn from the advanced technologies in the West in order to resist the invasion of the Western powers” (2011, p. 11)2. As a result, the May Fourth Movement (1917-21) started, “The movement was directed toward national independence, emancipation of the individual, and rebuilding society and culture”. This movement was also called the New Culture Movement, which “attacked traditional Confucian ideas and exalted Western ideas, particularly science and democracy” (Encyclopaedia Britannica, 1993, p. 969). In recent years, a Confucian scholar at Peking University, hailed the Movement by saying that the anti-Confucius movement in fact saved Confucianism by pulling it down from the sacred shrine, and juxtaposing it alongside other traditional schools of thoughts (Li, 2007, p. 6). It did

2 All the Chinese texts are translated into English by myself.

liberate minds of the scholars, and give them alternative ways to view Confucianism. Another great wave against Confucianism took place under the reign of the Chinese communist party. I vaguely remembered a nickname called ‘Kong Lao’er’ from my childhood. At that time, I did not know why there was such a name and who it referred to. It seemed that my young friends and classmates used this name to tease each other. Only when I grew up did I realize that it was the derogatory title for Confucius during the Cultural Revolution. Kong is the family name of Confucius, and Lao’er means the second child in a family. In Confucius’ case, he was the second son in his family. In ancient times, daughters and sons were ranked separately, therefore, despite the fact that Confucius had six elder sisters, he was still deemed as Lao’er. It would be an intimate and loving name if one’s family members called him/her Lao’er, but if used to address somebody in a formal occasion, then it would be regarded as impolite and insulting.

Despite the waves against Confucianism, it retains its influence in Chinese society. The best evidence of the far-reaching influence of Confucian philosophy in Chinese society is that many of the teachings of Confucius have become idioms in Chinese language, and spread so widely that even people who have received little formal education know these idioms and apply them in their daily life. Even for the generations like myself who grew up in the 1960s and 1970s when Confucius was most severely criticized in modern history, and students were discouraged from reading Confucian classics, we still had access to sayings from The Analects in our daily life. The sayings that influenced me the most were, “What he himself does not want, let him not do it to others” (Brooks, 1998, p. 90). “I daily examine myself in three ways. In planning on behalf of others, have I been disloyal? In associating with friends, have I been unfaithful? What has been transmitted to me, have I not rehearsed?” (p. 146) My teachers also liked to quote Confucius in their teaching. One of my Chinese language teachers quoted Confucius when he criticized one

of my classmates, “Rotten wood cannot be carved” (p. 23), meaning that he was a hopeless case and could not be taught. I grew up listening to such witty remarks without any knowledge of their source. In my present research, I noticed that the participants also quoted Confucius from time to time, especially when they talked about Chinese cultural values that they wanted their children to inherit.

2.2 Confucianism in China in the 21st Century With Confucianism, there has been an interesting phenomenon in mainland China in recent years. There is a revival of interest in Confucian classics among scholars and the public alike (Li, 2007; Yu, 2006). Hundreds of books on Confucian classics are on the shelves of book stores. President Hu Jintao first brought up the concept of “harmonious society” in 2004, which is often viewed as the current Chinese government’s appeal to such traditional Confucian values as harmony, and kindness (http://www.china.com.cn/chinese/2004/Sep/668376.htm). It is also worth noting that Confucianism emphasizes the absolute loyalty to the emperor and one’s family. These measures are regarded as the counter-force to correct the issue of widespread corruption among government officials. Sun (2009) of Tsinghua University, one of the most prestigious universities in China, thus painted the social decay phenomenon in his blog entry,

The society has lost its morals; there is no bottom line of social ethics; strong interest groups are unscrupulous, which cause serious erosion of people’s sense of fairness and justice. Violation of professional conduct and professional ethics is widespread. The information systems throughout the society have become highly distorted. Falsification of statistical data signifies an institutional distortion of reality. As a saying goes, ‘officials in the villages cheat those in the townships; township officials cheat those in the counties; and false information goes all the way to the State Council’. This is a reality that is perhaps more truthful than official statistics.

Under such circumstances, it is not hard to understand that China Central Television (CCTV), which was the propaganda tool of the communist party, produced a series of lectures by well-known scholars, focusing on the teaching of Confucian classics. I spent every summer in China, and compared with previous years, recently I heard more about the loss of traditional values and virtues, the lack of ethical concern in every aspect of the social life from my friends, relatives, and the mass media. In recent years, food safety had become a huge topic among Chinese people. One product after another was disclosed to contain ingredients harmful to people’s health. The spectacular growth of economy cannot ease the sense of insecurity that the common people feel because they have lost faith in the government system. People start to ask if the pursuit for materialism has caused the decline in social ethics. I have my reservations about the claim that the current Chinese society has completely lost its morals. If we look at Chinese history, such statements had been uttered by prominent scholars from different dynasties. The good old days extolled by people today used to be the target of severe criticism of its time. My purpose of depicting this phenomenon is to provide a picture of the social conflicts and trend of ideas in China, for this is the social background against which my research participants have deliberated over the differences between Chinese and Canadian cultures. It will give us some understanding as to why the participants in my research cling to some Chinese traditions and values, which, paradoxically, during their own school days, were under severe attack.

2.3 Distinctive Features of Chinese Culture Among all the different perspectives about the differences between Chinese and Western cultures, in my analysis of the cross-cultural experiences of Chinese immigrant families, I am most indebted to the theories created by the renowned Chinese scholar Liang Shuming. According to Encyclopaedia Britannica (1993), Liang Shuming (born 1893,

Guilin, Guangxi province -- died 1988, Beijing) was “a neo-Confucian philosopher and writer who attempted to demonstrate the relevance of Confucianism to China’s problems in the 20th century” (p. 325). In his book entitled zhong guo wen hua yao yi (The Spirit of Chinese Culture), Liang (1975) analyzed the modernity process of China in the early 1900s, and systematically laid down the differences between Chinese and Western cultures.

Liang (1975) pointed out that Chinese culture has the great ability to learn from other cultures and adapt the new elements from other cultures into a lively part of Chinese culture. A Japanese scholar noted this phenomenon:

Nestorianism was introduced into China in Tang Dynasty (AD 635). Christian missionary activities were active all through Ming and Qing Dynasties. The history of Christianity in China is by no means short, yet the family system in China has never been challenged. In the meanwhile, there is the tendency of Chinese Christians functioning within the family system. Buddhism enjoyed a much longer history in China, and it’s no exaggeration to say that Buddhism has surrendered to the family system. This is a world miracle. We refer to these facts when we say that there is unfathomable gap between Chinese and Western society. (as cited in Liang, p. 36)

Such comments on a grand scale can also apply to the participants in my research, who depicted an open attitude towards Canadian culture, while at the same time, tried to make sense of the new cultural features by cross-referencing with the Chinese culture.

Based on the works about the differences between Chinese and Western cultures by Chinese, Japanese, and Western scholars, Liang (1975) summarized the characteristics of Chinese culture, most of which still apply to the current Chinese society despite the great social and economic changes in the past few decades: lack of public spirit, lack of

order, lack of responsibility to the nation and organizations; frugality and practicality; meticulous care for etiquette (to the extent of sacrificing profit gains in order not to lose face); peacefulness and docility, moderateness and temperance; self-contentment; conservativeness; perfunctoriness (poor concept of time, paying little attention to details, lack of boundary); and fortitude (pp. 23-24). Of course, there is great variance among individuals within the same culture, and we can easily cite individual examples to refute each of the features mentioned above. But it is important to bear in mind that Liang’s purpose was to show the differences between Chinese culture and the Western culture in a broad sense, and these features were not meant to be the accurate description of Chinese culture. The significance of listing these features in my thesis lies in the fact that it helped put the parents’ cross-cultural experience into perspective.

2.4 Individualism vs. Collectivism In the literature on the differences between Western and Chinese culture, a lot of discussions focus on the comparison between individualism and collectivism. Western culture is typically characterized by individualism, while Chinese culture is represented as collectivism (Hsu, 1953; Liang, 1975; Lin, 1956). The participants in my research all mentioned that they wanted their children to receive education in Canada because their individuality would be respected and creativity encouraged. Liang (1975) provided greater insights into this issue by exploring the social and political factors that contributed to the formation of such characteristics. He said that individualism and collectivism were in fact two sides of a coin, and should not be viewed as opposite entities. The lack of collective life in Chinese society helped breed close ties within family members, and the individual’s rights were expected to give way to family interests. In other words, the highly demanding duties and responsibilities of the family compensated for the vacuum caused by the absence of collective life in the society. While in the

Western society, it is a different story. The importance of collective life helped breed the sense of individualism. An individual would practice his/her rights in the collective life. The following figure was a diagram Liang (1975) made up to compare the relations pattern between the individual and the collective life in Chinese and Western cultures:

Figure 1. Comparison of Individual-Collective Life Pattern between the Western and Chinese Culture. (based on Liang, 1975, p. 79) 团体(The Group); 家庭(The Family); 个人(The Individual); 西洋(The Western); 中国 (China). Note: The size of the font shows the relative significance of the factor, while the dotted line indicates

the uncertainty in the relation.

Liang (1975) gave us a very convincing picture of Chinese people’s view towards individualism. He mentioned that when the concept of “liberty” was first introduced into China by the famous translator and scholar Yan Fu, there was no equivalent word that could be found in Chinese vocabulary to capture the meaning of the word. Yan had to coin up a word “ziyou（自由）” (p. 14). In the 1960s, decades after the introduction of Western ideas into the Chinese society, most Chinese people would still equate individualism with selfishness (p. 46). Even today, when I talked with many of my Chinese friends, their understanding of individualism in the Western culture is a simplified version. They no longer equate individualism with selfishness, but they view it as an absolute respect for a person’s freedom. This might partly explain why they were easily shocked when they found that there were so many tacit rules and codes governing what was deemed as proper manners in the Western society. Maybe some examples could better illustrate this point.

My first cross-cultural shock came during my first flight to Canada. During the 14-hour flight, I sat beside a Caucasian young couple with a several-month-old baby. Sometimes the baby would start crying, and the young dad patiently said to her, “Shh, don’t cry,” as if she were an adult. He would repeat the phrase dozens of times as long as the baby was still crying. Under similar circumstances, Chinese parents would also try every means to comfort the baby, which included a lot of baby talking, and funny face-making, so that the baby would cease crying, but seldom would they try to use an imperative sentence to dissuade the baby from crying. From this instance, I got the impression that the young parents were very aware of the public space they were now in, and they also sent the signal to the baby.

A good friend of mine was a high school English teacher in Toronto. Sometimes she invited me to join her fieldtrip with her students. When we were on the subway, I was surprised to hear my friend reprimand her students when they were excitedly engaged in conversations with each other, “Shh, you guys, you are too loud.” Over the years, I met different groups of students on field trip under the supervision of their teachers, and invariably, I would hear the warning from the teacher, “Hey, you guys, you are too loud. Shh!” This is something new for me. I can not imagine a Chinese high school teacher scolding his/her students for being too loud on the Shanghai subway. The teachers would pretty much leave the students alone as long as they did not get into a fight. I was surprised by the strictness shown by the Canadian teachers, and thought to myself, “Well, they show great respect to public order”. Another example for this difference was that during social gatherings, Chinese parents gave great allowances for their children’s behaviour when they were entertaining guests. If the children ran wild in front of the guests, got into a fight with another child, or teased the guests with their little tricks, the parents were tolerant with that, and dismissed such behaviour as “They were just being kids”, even when this happened in a public place such as a restaurant. This echoes the Chinese cultural feature summarized by Liang (1975) -- lack of public spirit, and lack of order.

This ‘lack of public order’ can also be illustrated by the traffic problem in China. Many visitors to China are baffled by the traffic there. Take Shanghai as an example, it is quite a scene in the downtown area, where there are many traffic policemen, assistants, volunteers to help maintain order at major intersections, otherwise, car drivers, motorcyclists, cyclists, pedestrians would all ignore the traffic lights, and cross the road as they wished. Once my husband and I drove in the suburbs of Shanghai, and there was little

traffic. When we were waiting at a red light, we were honked at by the cars behind us. The mindset was if you got a chance to drive on, why stop and waste time? The number one rule here was to get to one’s destination as soon as possible. If needed, the rules of traffic lights could be bended. In order to save time, some people even drove on the wrong side of the road. My husband and I had several such scary encounters. Many friends of mine who had lived abroad for several years dared not to get behind the wheels when they were in China.

2.5 Chinese Family System According to a renowned Chinese scholar Feng (2008), in the Chinese society whose production unit is family, people’s dependence on the society is indirect. What they depend on for survival is their family. But with socialization of production, the production unit of family is broken. People depend on the society for survival instead of families. In summary, he stressed that economy determines the social and political system. Liang (1975) held different opinions, and argued that the impact of the social and political system on the economy should also be taken into consideration, “The buds of science and democracy had also appeared in Chinese history, and even earlier than in the West. They withered and disappeared. They withered because the society developed towards other directions” (p. 42).

In Chinese tradition, family has always been regarded as the most important unit in the society. Lin (1956) has pointed out in his book on Chinese philosophy and culture,

Among the cultural forces making for racial stability must be counted first of all the Chinese family system, which was so well-defined and organized as to make it impossible for a man [sic] to forget where his lineage belonged. This form of social immortality, which the Chinese prize above all earthly possessions, has something of a religion, which is enhanced by the ritual of ancestor worship, and the

consciousness of it has penetrated deep into the Chinese soul. (p. 32)

The family system teaches Chinese children “the first lessons in social obligations between man and man [sic], the necessity of mutual adjustment, self-control, courtesy, a sense of duty, which is very well defined, a sense of obligation and gratitude toward parents, and respect for elders” (Lin, 1956, p.168). When filial piety and loyalty to one’s family are stressed and hailed as the quintessential virtues of a civilized person, it becomes obvious that the individual self is allocated to an insignificant position. The celebrated Chinese scholar Hu Shih remarks, “In the Confucians’ human-centered philosophy, man [sic] cannot exist alone; all actions must be in a form of interaction between man and man [sic]” (as cited in King, 1985, p. 57).

The family system also determines the nature of interpersonal relations in Chinese society. Liang (1975) pointed out that “Chinese people expanded the concept of family and organized the society based on ethical relationship” (p. 81). People are not held accountable to society, but towards other human beings based on whatever relationship they happen to find themselves in. Behind such beliefs is the Confucian ideal in which “the individual should be concerned first and foremost with his place in the scheme of human relations: emperor-subject, father-son, husband-wife, brothers and neighbours” (Hsu, 1953, p. 87). And the relations between emperor and subject, teacher and student are both compared to that between father and son. Mencius has stated that “to acknowledge neither king nor father is to be in the state of a beast” (Legge, 1991, p. 282). Liang (1975) also pointed out that one of the prominent features of this kind of interpersonal relationship is its subtle balance. In interpersonal relations, the emphasis lies on reciprocity. The premise is that one has responsibilities to other persons within his/her social circle. The emperor is to subject as father is to son, and as a result both

sides are expected to fulfil their duties to maintain such a relation. One of China’s leading social anthropologists Fei Hsiao-t’ung (1985) compared social relations in Chinese society to the ripples in the river, with the self at the centre. The further away the rippling circle is from the target, the decreasing power the self has over it. The self may create different circles in different times and different places (p. 32). This observation also matches Liang’s (1975) argument that such relationships are quite fluid. Thus we may have a picture of the social network in Chinese society. We are not judged by what we have achieved, but by our relationships with others, for “relation” means influence and power, even the power of tampering with the law. Some people are so addicted to the cultivation of such social networks that they would be only too happy to incite as many ripples as possible even over the most trivial matters.

In one of the most popular Chinese sitcoms, Stories of the Editors’ Office (Ma, Wang & Zhao, 1991) there was one episode in which a writer wanted to get her novelette published in the magazine and sought help from her friend, who boasted of knowing many VIPs. It turned out that the ripples he generated were so far from the centre they intended to reach – the editors’ office – that none of the editors would take the words passed to them seriously. Those messengers included their in-law’s classmate’s husband, the janitor in the office building who had been retired for decades, their neighbours’ former colleague’s sister, etc. What a flurry of action with the ripples! This interdependence defines the society and each member’s position in it.

2.6 Rearing the Children to Provide for Old Age Chinese people invest substantially in their relations, expecting their investment to pay off in terms of both emotional and material reward. In this way, interpersonal relationship is characterized by possessiveness. One is the possessor of the other in the

sense that he/she is expected to return the investment as if he/she were a piece of stock or real estate, whose value will increase. In the meantime, the investment also involves a deep emotional attachment. In this sense, possession is also a kind of dependence. This partly accounts for the phenomenon of parents imposing their will on their children, for in some sense, the parents feel they “own” their children. When the parents invest so much energy and emotion in their children, they feel they are entitled to obedience and respect from the children. In Chinese culture obedience and modesty are heavily stressed traits for the young (Chao, 1996; Ho, 1994; Hsu, 1953; Lin, 1956; Siu, 1994).

When Chinese parents manifestly show their children how much they have sacrificed for their welfare, there is an implicit message that they expect rewards from the next generation for the hardships they have gone through. There is a deeply-rooted tradition in Chinese culture that “the son not only has to follow the Confucian dictum that ‘parents are always right,’ but at all times and in all circumstances he must try to satisfy their wishes and look after their safety” (Hsu, 1953, p.73). There is an old Chinese saying, “Rear the children to provide for the old age.” The lack of confidence in the social welfare system has in turn helped cultivate a “pension system” in one’s children. In some sense, children are regarded as a kind of asset, whose “market value” will be closely linked with the welfare and prosperity of the parents. Parents shame their children by comparing them with some “model” son or daughter in their social circle who generously showers their elders with gifts. In recent years, there has been a shift in attitude with the new generation of parents, who have a stable job and relative financial security when they retire. But still, my Chinese immigrant friends like to remind their children how much they have sacrificed for them. The usual arguments that I heard are: We have given up everything in China to come to this place. Our social status has degraded. We are now doing trivial jobs. All for what? You do not work hard and have

good marks! Parents are dismayed when their children responded by saying, “I wish they didn’t make sacrifices for me. Who asked them to? I don’t want to listen to it every time I do something they don’t like.”

In the documentary Around the World in 80 Days, the presenter Michael Palin was treated with snake food in a Chinese restaurant in Guangzhou. The waiter killed and peeled the skin of the snake in front of the guests. Palin gave a very graphic description of this process with the intention of (at least I believe so) expressing his surprise at the reaction from the other guests: “Spots of blood splatter onto the floor, but the whole operation is over in less than a minute and is watched, admiringly rather than sensationally, by the other diners.” Mr. Palin’s local tour guide Basil made the following comment, for a culture that has been around for thousands of years, there is hardly anything novel that hasn’t been tried out. (Vallance, 1989) I couldn’t help noticing how defensive Basil sounded. Here is the revealing power of the confrontation between cultures: it forces one to look at the most familiar things in one’s life with a new lens and the image projected can be surprisingly different. In this sense, getting immersed in two cultures can be an empowering experience. This rings true with the Chinese immigrant parents’ experience in Canada.

2.7 Literature Review on Chinese Parents’ Encounters with the School Culture Liang’s (1975) theory provides a framework for the Chinese immigrant parents’ cultural background. In my study, my primary concern is how the parents with Chinese cultural background and school training reacted to the local school practice and interacted with the teachers. In the literature on Chinese immigrant parents’ experience with the school culture in North America, much research has been done on parents’ expectation, strategies, and investment in their children’s education, their views and beliefs on

parent-school relation, and the difficulties and challenges the parents encounter due to the language barrier, and the cultural difference (Chao, 1996; Chen & Uttal, 1988; Chiang, 2008; Constantino, Cui, & Faltis, 1995; Crane, Ngai, Larson, & Hafen, 2005; Dyson, 2001; Gorman, 1998; Guo, 2007; Li, 2006; Li, 2004; Louie, 2001; Wan, 2003; Wang, 2008; Xu, 2006). From the research, we could learn that most of Chinese immigrant parents had high expectations for their children, and they placed great value on academic success. Because of the language barrier, the Chinese immigrant parents did not show the same initiative in their involvement with the schools as they had been when they were in China. Also, in Chinese society, there are different norms and traditions governing the ways parents interact with schools and teachers. The immigrant parents drew upon their own schooling experience in China in their approach towards their children’s schooling. Guo (2007) in the qualitative study of multiple perspectives of Chinese immigrant parents and Canadian teachers on ESL learning found that there was a deep division of views between the parents and the teachers on what and how students should learn in their language program.

In a study on Chinese immigrant parents’ relations with school, Wang (2008) found that the parents’ networking with the teachers would help the acculturation process of the parents and their children as well, “Parents who volunteered to be a class assistant learned about American educator’s teaching approaches and then could adopt similar methods when helping with their children’s homework” (p. 142). Wang (2008) also pointed out that, to some extent, the changing strategies in Chinese immigrant parents’ interaction with schools in the host country were caused by their misconception that American school were free of competition. Wang (2008) pointed out that when the teachers and immigrant parents exchanged ideas and opinions over the students’ schooling, they talked in parallel tracks, with different norms and beliefs in their minds.

The parents’ lack of knowledge of the local school and the mainstream culture directly affected the parents’ interaction with the schools. This is why I felt that the theory of border crossing had great significance in the interpretation of the Chinese immigrant parents’ experience with Canadian schooling.

Border Crossing Border crossing has become a popular term in the literature to refer to people with multicultural experiences. When Henry Giroux introduced this term into multicultural studies, he meant by it the willingness and open-mindedness to embrace cultural differences and to “engage the multiple references that constitute different cultural codes, experiences and languages” (1992, p. 509). He stated that “a border pedagogy must take up the dual task of not only creating new objects of knowledge but also addressing how inequalities, power, and human suffering are rooted in basic institutional structures” (1992, p.33). Border pedagogy has been an important part of critical pedagogy and it challenges the traditional teaching theory and practice, which is described as “banking system” by Freire (2000). In the banking model of education, “the students are the depositories and the teacher is the depositor… the scope of action allowed to the students extends only as far as receiving, filing, and storing the deposits” (p. 72). The more students accept the passive role imposed on them, the more they tend simply to adapt to the world as it is.

The traditional schooling system promotes conformity to dominant cultural codes and values (Giroux & McLaren, 1994; Romo & Roseman, 2004). With border pedagogy, the dynamic between teachers, students, and parents takes a change and teachers relinquish some of their authorities and welcome different interpretation of the teaching material. Both students and teachers are encouraged to be border crossers. “By ‘interrupting’

representational practices that make a claim to objectivity, universality, and consensus, critical educators can develop pedagogical conditions in which students can read and write within and against existing cultural codes while simultaneously having the opportunity to create new spaces for producing new forms of knowledge, subjectivity, and identity” (Giroux, 1992, p. 31). According to Giroux (1992), culture is “a vital source for developing a politics of identity and difference that extends rather than undermines the social relationships necessary for democratic public life.” And culture should be viewed “neither as monolithic or unchanging, but as a site of multiple and heterogeneous borders where different histories, languages, experiences and voices intermingle amid diverse relationships of power and privilege” (p. 514).

Border pedagogy has been widely used in educational research to explore various equity issues. It is used in work on pre-service training, literacy practice, racial issues, and multicultural issues (Cook, 2000; Romo & Chavez, 2006). Parental involvement constitutes a crucial factor in engaging in border pedagogy. Calderon and Carreon (2000) described the different ways in which some schools on the U.S.-Mexico border engage Spanish speaking parents in their educational programs. One common feature of such endeavour at border pedagogy is the creation of “a parent resource centre, a special place at the school where parents are welcomed to interact with other parents, work on school projects, and hold meetings and classes in arts and crafts; literacy; hands-on math, science, and social studies projects at home; …” (p.182). One of the difficulties that immigrant children experienced was that they seemed to live in two different worlds where the family life and the school life were disconnected. Parental involvement in border pedagogy would help build a curriculum that speaks to the living experiences of the immigrant children. Instead of having separate worlds of home and school, students will see their parents represented in the school setting.

2.8 Summary Liang’s (1975) reflection on some distinctive features of Chinese culture as opposed to Western culture serves as a frame of reference in our understanding of the cross-cultural experience in the Chinese immigrant families in Toronto. The contact with another culture sometimes brings about some characteristics of one’s native culture that have been treated as matters of fact. The documented differences between Canadian and Chinese cultures suggest that the participants in my study would meet various difficulties and challenges in their children’s education, and they would need to use their experience and wisdom to get adjusted to the local system. The literature on Chinese immigrant parents’ encounter with schooling in North America informs my current study by providing the knowledge base and stimulating new ideas in my mind that need to be further explored. In the next chapter, I discussed the research methodology I employed in the current study.

Chapter 3 Research Methodology

In this chapter, I talked about the research methodology employed in my research. I first gave an account of narrative inquiry, and stated the reasons for using this method. Then I talked about the recruitment process, my interaction with my research participants, and the data-collection activities. In the next part, I described the analytical process where I started to look for significant points and themes.

3.1 Narrative Inquiry I was first attracted to narrative inquiry by the narrative part in it. I majored in English literature, and am an avid reader of novels. I thought to myself, “This is a method that I can use to my advantage. My literary training will help me in writing up the narrative.” Later when I got to understand narrative inquiry better, I realized how I missed the core of this method in the first place. Xu and Connelly (2010) have clarified the difference between narrative inquiry and storytelling, “the popularity and widespread use of the language of story in narrative inquiry has, at times, led to the view that narrative inquiry is the collection of stories… Story is not so much a structured answer to a question, or a way of accounting for actions and events, as it is a gateway, a portal, for narrative inquiry into meaning and significance. Story, in this sense, is complex and may be analyzed in inquiry”. They went on to stress that “thinking narratively involves both the use of imagination, in a holistic encounter with the research subject, and analysis, in a complex inquiry into the imaginative research life space” (pp. 355-356). Also, part of the complexity of narrative inquiry comes from the fact that “people are both living their stories in an ongoing experiential text and telling their stories in words as they reflect upon life and explain themselves to others” (Connelly and Clandinin, 1990, p. 4).

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Craig (2010) summarized narrative inquiry in the following way,

Building on Dewey’s (1938) conceptualization of experience and drawing on Schwab’s (1969) notions concerning the practical, it [narrative inquiry] is an against-the-grain method developed to challenge the logistic view (McKeon, 1952) underlying technical rationalist approaches to top-down curriculum reform and process-product research (Elbaz-Luwisch, 1997)” (p. 123).

Clandinin and Connelly (2000) define narrative inquiry as “a way of understanding experience. It is a collaboration between researcher and participants, over time, in a place or series of places, and in social interaction with milieus. An inquirer enters this matrix in the midst and progresses in this same spirit, concluding the inquiry still in the midst of living and telling, reliving and retelling, the stories of the experiences that make up people’s lives, both individual and social” (p. 20). The definition itself bespeaks the complexity and challenges involved in adopting this methodology. It provides a fluid space where the roles of researcher and narrator are constantly negotiated and this process has great impact on the final product presented to the readers. As Geertz (1995) has pointed out, “It is no more possible to escape the situational immediacies of ethnographical knowing, the thoughts and occasions one is trying to intrude upon, than it is to escape its temporal bounds, and it is perhaps even more mischievous to pretend to do so” (p. 17).

Clandinin and Connelly (2000) point out that the key terms for narrative inquiry and understanding experience are “personal and social (interaction); past, present, and future (continuity); combined with the notion of place (situation)” (p. 50). The terms of interaction, continuity and situation were derived from Dewey’s view of experience

(Clandinin and Connelly, 2000), and they govern my current study of the four Chinese immigrant families. I want to explore through the narratives the parents’ interaction with their children, the teachers, other Chinese immigrant parents, and their relatives, and friends in mainland China. The parents’ interaction with me also had influence on their views on their children’s schooling experience, as we exchanged ideas and I shared my knowledge of the local schools that I had gained through my study in OISE. In the meanwhile, the parents’ reflection on their children’s school life gave me new insights into the family life of Chinese immigrant families in Toronto. The participants found themselves in a new environment (situation) where their former knowledge and experience were tested, and challenged. Each family developed their own new living pattern to try to accommodate the needs and demands of each member of the family. This is an ongoing process where all the family members were negotiating and renegotiating their roles. All the participants in my research also were reflecting upon their present life by looking back at their past.

In narrative inquiry, it is hard to pinpoint where the stories stop and analysis begins. The process of data collection by itself is permeated by analytical work. The narrative is filtered through my own lenses and my decision to include or exclude certain materials comes from my understanding of what might build up towards a certain theme. To some extent, the narratives are the shared experience between the participants in my research and myself. Despite the fact that all the families come from mainland China and share some common features, each has their own distinctive story and the collage of the stories from these families shed light on various aspects of parenting practice in immigrant families from mainland China.

Narrative is a way of making sense of one’s past experiences and an effort to organize

actions and experiences into a meaningful whole (Hinchman & Hinchman, 2001; Holstein & Gubrium, 2000; Laslett, 1999; Polkinghorne, 1995). The stories of immigrant parents from mainland China will put us in a context where we can better understand their perspectives on their children’s education in Canada. For immigrants, the process of shattering the old routine and establishing a new routine can be described as turbulent and thought-provoking. The challenges immigrant parents from mainland China face in Canada are deeply rooted in the differences between Chinese and Canadian cultures and social systems. They also undergo constant changes as the parents and children begin their socialization process in Canada. This process infiltrates every aspect of their life and more often than not, some deeply rooted beliefs or opinions will remain dormant if no occasions have arisen to test them. On such issues concerning Taiwan, Tibet and human rights in general, there are differences of ideas and opinions among the two generations in Chinese immigrant families. Such stories might get lost among the statistical figures about immigrants’ settlement process in Canada.

Geertz (1995) has reflected on the timing of anthropologist work: “Entry of this sort into an entr’acte where all the really critical things seemed just to have happened yesterday and just about to happen tomorrow, induces an uncomfortable sense of having come too late and arrived too early, a sense which in my case never afterward left me … it always seemed not the right time, but a pause between right times” (p. 4). For my research, I paid regular visits to four Chinese immigrant families over the period of six months. When I first stepped into the research field, I was troubled by similar feelings: no dramatic scenes, no landmark events, and no Aha moments. Then I started to question my choice of research topics and was seized with a panic attack. What if I could not write a convincing thesis with interesting anecdotes and witty remarks from my research participants? As I became more and more familiar with the families, sometimes they

would invite me to family parties. I also accompanied some of the parents to their parent meetings at school. They also asked for my advice on their children’s school activities. I came to know their life stories through our conversations. It is true that I had research questions in my mind when I was in the field. But most of the time I just let the conversations flow as naturally as possible, so that the participants would have a chance to tell their stories following their own train of thoughts.

3.2 Positioning Myself in the Research Richardson and St. Pierre (2005) stated, “I see the ethnographic project as humanly situated, always filtered through human eyes and human perceptions, and bearing both the limitations and the strengths of human feelings” (p. 964). I am also fully aware of how my own experience as a new immigrant in Toronto informs my present research. My attempt to understand the experience of Chinese immigrants is also a self-discovery journey. I share many of the burning questions of my research participants. As Spradley (1980) has pointed out, “Ethnographers do not merely make observations; they also participate. Participation allows you to experience activities directly, to get the feel of what events are like, and to record your own perceptions. At the same time, the ethnographer can hardly ever become a complete participant in social situations” (p. 40).

For my current research, another layer of meaning was added to participation. I positioned myself in the research itself. As I have mentioned before, my husband and I applied for immigration to Canada in 2006 and our application was approved in 2008. The interval period of two years presented new challenges for us as if our life was brought to a halt and we could not have any long-term plans until we knew the result of our application. The major reason for our application is a lack of confidence in China’s political system, and we were attracted by the social stability in Canada. When the

possibility of living in Canada had become a fact, we found ourselves faced with new dilemmas. We needed to decide whether to give up our career in China and start all over again in Canada. All of a sudden political security is not the sole factor for consideration: the career prospects, the possible inter-generational differences, the distance from our parents and relatives, all became intertwined together into an ever-tightening knot. These topics would become the pivotal points around which our conversations with our family members and friends developed. During our vacation in Shanghai in 2010, one of our friends said to us, “Don’t come back. The education system here is too bad for the children’s mental health. The competition is too fierce. I am thinking of giving up my job and accompanying my son to Canada for junior high school study next year.” Those who held the opposite opinion would cite examples of their acquaintances, who were really successful career-wise in China, but could only find labourer jobs in Canada. I find that this situation rings true with many immigrants from mainland China.

I juxtaposed the narratives of my own lived experience in both mainland China and Canada with the stories of the four families. Like my participants, as an immigrant and a student majoring in education in Canada, I also felt the differences between Chinese and Canadian cultures and schooling, and tried to make sense of, and gain new insights from my cross-cultural experience. Spradley (1980) also mentioned, “Doing ethnographic fieldwork involves alternating between the insider and the outsider experience, and having both simultaneously” (p. 57). My first-hand experience as a new immigrant, and my interaction with my participants make me an insider in my research, but in the meanwhile, my training and role as an educational researcher provides me with perspectives that distance me from my fellow immigrant friends, thus making me an outsider.

3.3 Recruitment of Participants Before starting the research, I foresaw the difficulties that I might encounter in recruiting participants. I knew from my acquaintance with Chinese immigrants in Toronto, that most of them were either very busy making a living, pursuing new degrees, or suffering because of unemployment. The former were reluctant to spare time for a strange researcher, while the latter were stressed about their financial situation, and didn’t wish to be interviewed. What’s more, the design of my research entailed that I would visit my participants at their homes, thus causing extra concern and driving off some potential participants. So when I composed the participant recruitment flyer, I took full advantage of my knowledge of Chinese immigrant parents’ concerns and interests, and emphasized the possible benefits of getting involved in such a research. I mentioned that having studied at OISE for several years, and had the chance to do field work in various Toronto schools, I had gained certain knowledge of the local schools that I could share with my participants. I also offered free translation, interpretation, and tutor services to the families. In the flyer, I stated the purpose of my research and the basic requirements for the participants. I distributed the flyers mainly in the north-eastern part of Toronto, where there was a large Chinese community. I posted the flyers near the Chinese supermarket in this area, with my mobile phone number, and email address on them. Meiping3, Ying and Yun phoned me to say that they were interested in the research. I explained in phone calls to each of them the purpose of the study, the methods that I would use in the field work, the approximate hours my interviews and observation might take and gave a detailed account of why I wanted to do such a study. I also expressed my wish that they would benefit some way or other from this research. I explained to them the confidentiality policy and how I would protect their privacy. Their reaction was quite different. Meiping and Yun seemed to feel that my explanation was quite redundant, and

3 All the participants’ names are pseudonyms.

immediately started to discuss the schedule, while Ying was more cautious. She said that she was willing to talk about her opinions about the Canadian school system, but she did not like to be intruded upon. She also liked the idea that I could share my knowledge of the Canadian school system with her. She said that the major reason that she was prepared to be involved was that one of her acquaintances knew me and told her that I was trustworthy. I reassured her that in my conversations with her, we would only concentrate on topics that she felt comfortable with.

Interestingly, Ying felt quite excited about our conversation after my first visit and she recruited her neighbour and friend Hua for me without my asking her to do so. During my second visit to her place, Ying talked with me about the methods of my research. She was currently pursuing a Master’s degree in statistics, and showed great interest in the collecting of samples and the sample size. She said that the larger the sample size was, the better. Then she said that she had another ideal candidate for me. Before I could respond, she already left the room. Five minutes later, she came back with Hua, and later her two lovely children joined us. It was not without some reservation did I welcome my fourth participant. Because from my conversation with Hua later, I could feel that she was not very enthusiastic about the research itself. Hua had a Bachelor’s degree in English Education and worked as a middle-school English teacher for seven years in China. Because of her background in education, from the very beginning, Hua would make comments like “I have friends who are pursuing Master’s degree in education, and I am quite familiar with educational research”. Her assumptions worried me a bit, because I didn’t want her to treat my research as a test where she knew the best answers. At first, I felt a little uncomfortable when she commented on the design of my research. When I talked with her, she was more on the defence because she was guessing what I was driving at with my words. This put me in a quite awkward situation, and I started to

reflect on the intricate Chinese social code behind it. This is exactly what Liang (1975) has described when he said that Chinese social relations were based on ethical relations. I started to believe that Hua had agreed to take part in the research because she did not want to make her friend Ying lose face in front of me. Before Ying rushed out, she already said that she would bring me a new candidate, illustrating one of the striking characteristics of Chinese people discussed earlier. In interpersonal relations, we can be more intrusive, and the boundary between family members and friends are especially blurred. In another example, a friend of mine had his new car driven by his closest friend for over a year, while he himself drove his old car. When I started my field work, the thought that Hua joined the research perhaps solely for her friend Ying’s sake, bothered me, and I tended to read between the lines when I had conversations with Hua. It was not until after a few visits did I realize that I had not been as open with Hua as I was with the other three participants who came to me of their own will. When I read my field notes, I found that I put Hua down as being defensive and critical of my research design. In fact, it was I who was on the defence, and nervous because of Hua’s background in education. From that point on, I became more relaxed, and Hua and I had many fruitful discussions. This little anecdote taught me how the cultural factor was exerting its influence on the research process.

In the recruitment stage, another event left me with a deep impression. A woman contacted me and said that she was very interested in participating in my research. She had a daughter in grade 9, and she had spent a lot of time and energy trying to know the Canadian schools better. She looked forward to exchanging opinions with me. She said that she and her husband deliberately chose a school for their daughter where there was a high population of white students because they wanted her to better adjust to the mainstream culture. Their daughter was the only Chinese student in her class. Before the

end of our conversation, she added that she needed to consult her husband on this matter. If he was OK with it, her family would definitely join in the research. She said that she would call me to give me a definitive answer in a few days. I never heard from her again. The ups and downs of the recruitment phase make me realize how much trust Hua, Meiping, Ying and Yun had put in me in agreeing to participate in the research, and I tried my best to be worthy of their trust. Hogan (1988) wrote about the collaborative relation between the researchers and the participants in their research, “Empowering relationships develop over time and it takes time for participants to recognize the value that the relationship holds. Empowering relationships involve feelings of ‘connectedness’ that are developed in situations of equality, caring and mutual purpose and intention” (p. 12).

All four immigrant families in my research came from mainland China, and they all immigrated to Canada under the independent category, which is a point-system based on the applicants’ education level, professional experience, and English proficiency (http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigrate/skilled/apply-who.asp). My living experiences in mainland China gave me the vantage point of kinship with the participants in my research. This experience helped me identify the origins and allusions of some of the comments by them since we grew up in a similar culture and society. My initial design was to include all the family members in each family, but it turned out that Meiping’s and Ying’s husbands spent most of the time in China since they couldn’t find a satisfactory job at Toronto, while Hua’s and Yun’s husbands were too busy to participate in the research. This shifted the focus of my research from the entire family to the mother in each household. This also taught me how fluid the research experience can be, and as a researcher, I need to constantly fine tune my research to address the new situations that arise in the field.

My field work can be best summed up by Eisner’s (1991) metaphor about qualitative research: “In a way, the form and focus a qualitative study may gradually take are closer to the creation of a collage than to the construction of a building. A finished collage depends upon in-process decisions made because of the look of the configuration as it unfolds” (p. 172). In a period of six months, I paid each of the four families a visit twice a month. Because of the family setting, I wanted the visits to seem natural and casual, but in fact, I prepared myself for each visit. I would read my field notes on my previous visit, and jot down the comments, or anecdotes that were worth further discussion. I would also write down my questions. In this way, each of my visits was built upon the previous visit. What I dreaded most in this research was that the mothers found that we were having repetitive conversations, and lost interest, so during my visits, I would ask if there was anything I could do to be of help. Sometimes, the mothers would ask me to help them translate or explain some English materials, and our conversation would branch out from the materials. For example, they would ask me to read their children’s report cards, and ask for my opinion. What they wanted to know was the underlying meaning in the teacher’s comment. Sometimes, the mothers were busy preparing for the next day’s lunch, and I would go into the kitchen and exchange recipes while helping with the cooking in some small ways (handing over dishes, sauces, etc.). Sometimes, the mothers asked my advice on their course assignment (Ying and Yun were pursuing degrees, and Meiping was taking LINC classes). They were not sure about their understanding of the assignment instructions, and wanted to know what the teachers wanted for a certain project. Sometimes, they asked me to proofread their writing assignment, or help with their children’s homework. Sometimes, the mothers asked me to do some translation work for them. It might be an application letter written in Chinese, and I would translate it into English, or it might be the instruction pamphlet for an

electronic device. I welcomed such opportunities because by helping them, I felt that they could actually benefit from my visits. What’s more, such occasions became the best catalyst for conversations. We could exchange ideas over the local school. I usually let these conversations flow in a natural way, and did not try to structure it with premeditated questions. But my role as a researcher acted as the strongest factor that affected the direction of these conversations. Our conversations mainly centred around the children’s education, and the mothers’ views on the difference between Chinese and Canadian school systems. All the four mothers spoke to me in Mandarin, and when I explained some English materials to them, I also used Mandarin. I wrote the field notes in English, but recorded the conversation in Chinese. Later when I decided to include some of the conversations in my thesis, I would translate them into English. The mothers were keen to learn more about Canadian schools from me, and in many cases, I was unable to answer their questions on the spot, but I would take their questions to my friends, and classmates who were veteran teachers or administrators in Toronto schools. The questions centred on topics such as English language learning, the course credit system, the selection of courses, the ranking of schools, the interpretation of report card, the choice of college major, and the college recruitment process. Towards the end of the research, I conducted formal interviews with all four mothers. Meiping’s son Mike and Yun’s daughter Mary also got the permission from their parents to be formally interviewed. Hua thought that her kids were too young for interviews, while Ying said that her son was very shy, and she did not want him to be interviewed. The final interview was semi-structured and the conversation centred around my research questions.

3.4 Vignettes of the Four Families Hua

Hua’s family lived in the same condo as Ying’s, and her family of four members shared a three-bedroom apartment with a young man, who was an international student from mainland China. The family had been in Toronto for four years. They had a ten-year old daughter, and a two-year old boy. Hua believed that her lack of specific skills other than English language put her at great disadvantage in the Canadian job market. Hua stayed at home to take care of her son, and drive her daughter to school and other activities. Hua’s husband worked in a factory and provided for the whole family. Hua was a fast talker and from time to time she burst into laughter over some amusing anecdotes that came up during our conversations. Hua’s daughter Lily had been to kindergarten in China. She was now a Grade 4 student in Toronto. As I have mentioned before, I first met Hua at Ying’s home. From their interaction, I could tell that Ying and Hua were very close friends. Hua’s children behaved as if they were in their own home at Ying’s place, and knew exactly where to find what. Later when I visited Hua at her place, I found that her family members communicate with each other in the Chinese dialect of her hometown. Hua said that she would not allow her children to speak English at home. Later I learned that Hua viewed Chinese language as an asset for her children in the future job market. With the growing economy in China, her children might want to pursuit careers related to China, or even look for jobs in China. What’s more, Hua’s husband could barely speak English, if the children spoke English at home, their dad would not be able to communicate with them.

Meiping I first visited Meiping’s home on a rainy November night. Before I left my place, Meiping called and kindly offered to pick me up at my place, since I did not drive. I knew it was merely a 15 minute walk from my place to hers, so I told her that I would just walk over. We agreed that I would be at her place at 7:30 pm. Ever since I came to

Canada, I seldom went outside alone at night. It came as quite a surprise that the landscape looked so different at night, and with darkness lurking around me, I was even a bit scared. I walked more than 20 minutes, and there was still no sign of Meiping’s condo building. At this moment, my cell phone rang. It was Meiping who began to feel worried since I was late. With her detailed instructions, I soon arrived at her building. This experience reminded me again how my life in Canada was different from my experience in China. I could stroll down the streets of Shanghai at 11:00 pm, and there was still the hustle and bustle of life around me. Meiping struck me as a person with a great fashion taste. Her hairstyle, the jewellery, her clothes, and shoes matched each other. I complimented on her appearance, “You look gorgeous.” “Oh, I just threw these on. I spent a lot of time dressing up when I was in China. I have a very nice wardrobe. I only brought a small portion of the clothes with me. There was not that much luggage space, and I don’t care that much when I am here. Nobody knows me, and I have no formal social occasions to attend. It’s not like in my hometown where I am bound to bump into some acquaintances on the streets.”

Meiping’s family stayed in a three-bedroom apartment. The living room looked spacious with few pieces of furniture. There was no decoration on the wall, and no photo frames one usually found in a family’s living room. It felt more like a makeshift home. There was one table near the window, with a few plastic chairs around it. It seemed to be the dining table because dish mats lined up on the table. In the middle of the living room against the wall, there was an old-fashioned 14 inch TV set. I noticed this because when I went back to China that summer, all the families that I visited invariably had the newest style Plasma TV. Facing the TV, there sat a new IKEA double sofa. We sat down at the table, and I noticed that at the farthest end of the room, there was a blackboard, with some drawings on it. In front of the board, there were a few small chairs. Meiping

explained to me, “I tutor students at home. I teach drawing. This way at least I have some income.” I asked Meiping how she recruited her students. “Oh, by words of mouth. Many newcomer families want their children to learn different skills. I guess it’s cheaper to go to a Chinese teacher.” Meiping said with a smile, “I have many experiences. I used to run a kindergarten in China.” At this time, a teenage boy stepped out of one room and greeted me in Mandarin, “Hello, Ayi (aunt).” The boy was Meiping’s son Mike and he was in Grade 8. Mike said that he had finished his homework, and turned on the TV. Meiping turned to me and said, “I think watching TV will help him with his English. So usually I don’t interfere. But sometimes when he has played games for long hours, then I will ask him to stop.” Mike said, “Well, I seldom play games now.” In our telephone conversations, Meiping told me that there were four members in her family, and her husband and younger son stayed in China. I asked Mike, “Do you miss your little brother?” “Oh, the world is finally quiet and peaceful” (this is a famous quote from a very popular Hong Kong movie named A Chinese Odyssey) (Yeung & Lau, 1994), said Mike, making a face like the character in the movie. We shared a big laugh, and Meiping said,

It’s so hard for a mother. I would call home everyday to listen to his voice. I would ask their daddy if he was happy. Did he cry? What did he have to eat? Did he ask for Mama? Did he learn something new in the kindergarten? If it were not for laoda, (a Chinese way of addressing one’s children according to the birth sequence. laoda means the firstborn) I could never bear this kind of separation. Speaking of lao’er (Chinese expression of the second child in the family), there is a funny story. During my pregnancy, I spent several months in China. Everyday I took a walk in the neighbourhood after dinner. One day, the local officials came to my house and asked me to abort the baby. You know, at that time I was six months into pregnancy. The officials begged me and said that if I did not give up the baby, they would be severely punished, and be demoted from their current administrative positions. I explained, and promised to them that I was going to give birth at Canada. They left, satisfied with my explanation.

During one of my visits to her home, Meiping was playing with her younger son who was paying a short visit to Canada with his father. Suddenly she turned to me and said, “Just think about it, he will not be allowed into this world if we were in China”.

Meiping’s family first landed in Canada four years ago. Her husband, together with their two-year-old younger son travelled between China and Canada. The reason for choosing such a lifestyle was that the couple could not find satisfactory jobs in Toronto and decide that they would maintain the management of the kindergarten in China, which constituted the major source of income for the family. Meiping’s older son Mike had seven years of schooling in China. Mike was an outgoing boy and had many friends in China. According to Meiping, her husband was the cook of the house. He spent much time experimenting with various cuisines, and cooked delicious meals. Meiping started to learn how to cook since for most of the time, only she and Mike were in Toronto. Every day when Meiping cooked dinner, she would put aside some extra food. Mike would bring it to school as his lunch. Mike joked about his mother’s cooking skills, and said that he’d rather buy a pizza, and he missed the meals cooked by his dad.

Ying Ying’s family had been in Canada for four years, and they shared a three-bedroom apartment with a young couple. The three families all shared their apartment with some other family because the rent was a heavy burden for them. For most part of the year, Ying’s husband stayed in China, and provided for the family. He was a civil servant in the local government, and when their family first settled in Canada, he found a job in a meat factory. Soon he decided to go back to his old job in China. He took advantage of the statuary holidays of mainland China to visit his family. Ying had no working

experience in Canada, and in order to be more competitive in the job market, she got enrolled in a master’s program at a university in Toronto. She had already completed a two-year program in accounting at a Toronto college. She is a meditative talker and will pause for a while before articulating her opinions. Their son Peter was 17 years old and in grade 11. He had eight years of schooling in China. Everyday Peter spent several hours on Chinese websites and is fluent in the cyber language of Chinese young people, which sounds like Greek to his mother. Peter was very shy, and very polite. Ying kept a very tight schedule because she wanted to obtain her degree in the shortest time possible, “I’m not getting younger, and we can’t afford to spend so much tuition fee.” Each time when I visited her, she was either deep into the writing of an assignment, or getting prepared for the courses the next day. Like Meiping, Ying prepared lunch and dinner for Peter. Sometimes when Ying had night classes, she would half prepare the food for Peter. When he got home, he only needed to heat the food in the microwave.

Yun Yun’s family lived in a three-bedroom house in an up-and-coming residential area in the northeast part of the city. My first visit to her home left a deep impression on me. When we sat down on the sofa in the living room, Yun asked me if I would like something to drink. I said that I was fine, but she insisted on preparing tea for me, “I came from Anhui. We are renowned for the high-quality tea.” She then went to the kitchen. To my surprise, she could not find a proper tea set, and was looking all over the cupboard for drinking containers. Finally, she found a couple disposable plastic cups. I held my own cup of tea, and we walked back to the living room. Then we found that we had nowhere to put down the cup. There was no table in front of us. Yun brought over a stool, and said apologetically, “Our house is poorly furnished.” Their basement was for renting, but during the time of my research, they had difficulty in finding a tenant. She explained to

me that the mortgage for the house was a big burden for the family and ate away the expenses on daily essentials. During one of my conversations with Yun, she reflected on her house-buying decision, and how peer pressure had led her to buy a house that put a great strain on the finance of the family. Yun was very considerate and kept asking me if I was comfortable during our conversations. She had a college diploma in accounting in China. Now she worked as a nurse in a local hospital and was pursuing a diploma in nursing through online courses. Her younger son was born in Canada and was 4 years old and her daughter Mary was a pretty teenage girl who described herself as “I’m more like I don’t talk to you unless you talk to me, that kind of person”. She went to kindergarten in China. The family came to Canada 11 years ago. Yun’s husband worked as a technician in a local factory. He worked the night shift all year long. Everyday he went off to work at 3:00 pm and came home at around 12:00 am. I usually visited their family during the evening hours of the weekdays, because Yun said that they tried to have some family activities during weekends. The children hardly had the time to see their father during the weekdays.

3.5 In the Field Later in the field work, I became more and more familiar with the families. The parents sought my advice over school matters. On some occasions, I acted as interpreter for the parents. Over the months, I developed a multi-layered relation with the families, and I was at the same time a researcher, a fellow immigrant, a friend, and a consultant. These different roles enabled me to have more empathy and gain richer knowledge of my participants. The chemistry and interaction between researcher and their research participants differed from person to person. I established better and deeper relation with Meiping and Yun, while Ying and Hua had retained a certain distance from me since the recruitment stage. Before I embarked on my field work, I was a little worried about how

my participants would treat me, and whether we could build a trusting and friendly relation. The nature of my study may seem a little intrusive to some people. I was very careful in my communication with the four families, and did not push for any information. I could tell from my initial contact with Ying that she was very protective of her son, and did not want to discuss the parenting and school issues as applied to her son. She preferred to talk in general terms, that is to say, she was very happy to talk about the difference between Chinese and Canadian school education and her own experience as a student at Canadian college and university, but her son’s name seldom appeared in her conversation. Also, unlike Meiping and Yun, she never discussed her son’s performance in school with me. She would ask questions about the course selection, and the college recruitment without touching upon the specific case of her son’s. Ying said once to me that her son was a quiet boy and had a difficult time in school back in China. He was picked on by some bullies. That is why she and her husband decided to move to Canada. She said that they wanted him to live in a more relaxed and happy environment. After noticing Ying’s attitude, I was very careful in my conversations with her. I would not initiate questions about her son’s school life. I was really torn over this issue: on the one hand, I wanted to know if her son settled down well at the new school, and how he viewed the transition from China to Canada, while at the same time, I did not want to offend Ying, and jeopardize the opportunity of having all those conversations with her. Despite the fact that her son was shielded from my research, I actually gained a lot from my conversations with Ying. She provided many thoughtful insights into the differences between the two school systems.

With Meiping and Yun, it was a different story. I was invited to their family gatherings and was introduced to other guests as a friend. I became very familiar with their family members, and our conversations sometimes went into very intimate details of our lives.

The boundary between researcher and the research participant was blurred. This recalled to my mind a seminar I attended at Munk School of Global Affairs given by Prof. Chen Xiangming of Peking University. The title of the seminar was “Doing Qualitative Research in Chinese Schools”. As a renowned scholar in qualitative research in China, Prof. Chen had been leading a university-school collaborative research project on teachers’ practical knowledge. Her research team paired up with elementary and high school teachers in Beijing. She mentioned the ethical concerns that arose in the research, and gave the following example: One of the team member became close friends with a teacher in their research. The teacher regarded the researcher as her best friend and would confide in her about her personal secrets. She even invited the researcher to sleep over. This researcher wrote in her field note that she did not know how to maintain the appropriate distance between researcher and the research participant. This episode left a deep impression on me because of my own research experience. As I have mentioned, later in my research, Yun and Meiping treated me as a personal friend even though they clearly knew that I was in the middle of a research. I decided that I should be frank, and talk with them about our dual relationship, that is, as the researcher and the researched, and as friends. I told them that despite the anonymity, there was the chance that somebody could guess who the research participants were. Both of them responded to my concerns with the same remark, “We trust you, and know that you would not write something harmful about us. What’s more, you are writing in English, people in our community will not read it”. Their attitude made me more aware of my responsibility and accountability. When I came across some materials that I was not sure if I should include in my thesis, I would check with Meiping and Yun. They would give their permission to include some of the materials, and would say no to others. I respected their opinions. Another difficulty in my research was caused by the shared living environment. All four families except Yun’s lived in shared apartments. Sometimes when I was having

conversations with the mothers in the living room, their co-tenants might go to the kitchen to cook dinner or lunch. Because of the structure of the apartments, a person in the kitchen could hear people talking in the living room. I was greatly affected by the presence of a third party, but the mothers did not seem to be bothered at all, and followed their train of thought in the conversation. In such cases, I would usually direct the conversations into some casual chatting about cooking, the price of food, or I would tell some funny stories that I just read from weibo (micro-blogging). Sometimes I asked myself if it was wise to interrupt the mothers in the middle of a thoughtful conversation because of the consideration for privacy and confidentiality.

In the literature on qualitative inquiry, the relation between the researcher and the research participant has always been a major topic. There is always the concern of how emotionally involved a researcher should be, and how to strike the balance between being an observer and being actively involved in the research project. But still I found my situation and the example cited by Prof. Chen somewhat peculiar. I started to wonder if this has something to do with the characteristics of the Chinese social network. The boundary between individuals is easily blurred. Another ethical concern in narrative research is that when the researcher interprets or retells the research participant’s story or account, there might be a shift of meaning, or even a change of theme that might upset or even offend the research participant. Wallace and Louden (2000) reflected on this issue, “While much has been written about the importance of shared meaning in narrative research, it is inevitable that in some circumstances, meanings will not be shared at all. So, whose story should take precedence in these situations?” (p. 145) These questions accompanied me all through my current research, and Connelly and Clandinin’s (1990) reflection on the collaborative process in narrative inquiry gives me new insight on this issue, “In the process of beginning to live the shared story of

narrative inquiry, the researcher needs to be aware of constructing a relationship in which both voices are heard” (p. 4). In the cases where there were discrepancies between the researcher and the research participants’ stories, it is very important to give both sides voices. These questions also need to be viewed in light of one danger in narrative which is the “‘Hollywood plot’, the plot where everything works out well in the end” (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990, p. 10). As the researcher, I need to be aware of such tendencies, and remind myself that I need to be faithful to the participants’ stories, and not to try to fit the stories into a premeditated framework.

All the mothers were very busy and their daily routine included driving their children to school and picking them up after school, cooking dinner, and keeping the children company while they were doing their homework. For Meiping and Ying, since their husbands were away, they also had to do the shopping every week. When asked why they chose to participate in the research despite a very busy schedule, their responses were almost identical: they wanted to talk about their children’s education with somebody who had professional knowledge of the Toronto school system and hoped to gain some new understanding of the local school by participating in my research. At the beginning of the research, Meiping and Ying expressed clearly that they did not want to discuss any topic that would involve politics for they felt it risky to express their opinions on political issues. I readily complied with their wishes. But what was deemed to be political is hard to define, and everybody has his/her own standard. For example, Ying felt that any topic that touched upon Tibet was political, even if we were talking about my friend’s traveling story there, while Hua did not refrain from commenting on the political and strategic situation in Tibet because she held complex feelings towards the pro-Tibet protest taking place in Canada, and thought that there were different facets to the story that her children needed to know.

3.6 Data Analysis The data collected through the field work mainly consists of interview recordings and the field notes (See Appendix A for a sample field note) that I composed during the entire process of the research. I have learned from the past research experience to act as a video camera, and try to record every detail in the field – the conversation, the expressions, the tone, the gestures, and the surrounding environment. I would also write down my reflections on the visit. After I finished my fieldwork, I started to transcribe the interviews and translate those interviews conducted in Mandarin into English. With the interview transcripts (See Appendix B for the sample transcript) and field notes ready, I organized them by the family. I first read the data on one family over for several times. With each reading, I highlighted the parts that I regarded as important, thought-provoking, interesting, or puzzling, and tried to categorize these points under some topics or themes that are linked to my research questions. Then I went on to read the data of the next family, and repeated the procedure. When I finished the initial screening of the data, I listed the topics and themes that emerged out of the materials of each family, and I found that the overlapping topics and themes fell into three areas – inter-generational relationships, parents’ interaction with the school, and parents’ interaction with other Chinese parents. These topics and themes revolve around the research questions I raised in chapter 1, i.e., Chinese immigrant parents’ adjustment to the local school, the challenges or difficulties they experience in managing their children’s schooling, and the possible changes in their parenting practice. In the following chapters, I will discuss my findings in my research in these three areas from the cross-cultural perspectives, and the literature on Chinese immigrant parents’ experience with the local schools described in chapter 2, and the focus of the thesis is the four mothers’ views on their children’s education and their efforts to get adjusted to the

local school system.

3.7 Limitations of the Thesis A great challenge facing narrative inquiry is the scale of the research sample. In my research, the findings only represent the four Chinese immigrant families in Toronto. Their particular experiences were also influenced by such factors as their educational background, former life in China, years of stay in Canada, financial status, career status, the community, and family arrangement. It is understandable that, for Chinese immigrant parents who live in a different city or town in Canada that provide different settlement facilities and programs for newcomer families, their experience with the local school, might be very different from the mothers in my research. In fact, these are areas for further research. Connelly and Clandinin (1990) warned against the practice of generalization in narrative inquiry. In the writing of narrative inquiry, instead of “broadening”, it is essential to “concentrate on the event” and “focus on the event’s emotional, moral, and aesthetic qualities” in the process of “burrowing” (p.11). This is what I strive to achieve with the stories of the four families.

3.8 Summary This chapter drew a picture of the methodology and methods that I employed in the current study. By using narrative inquiry, I had the opportunity to give a rich description of the inner world of the mothers in my study. The stories of, and by the mothers revealed the mothers’ views, opinions, and emotions in dealing with their children’s education in a new environment. In the next chapter, I discussed about the inter-generational relation in these families, and how it affects the children’s schooling experience.

Chapter 4 Inter-generational Relationships

In this chapter, I talked about the inter-generational relations in the four families. The relations between the two generations are discussed from the following perspectives: the mothers’ immigrant experience, and its influence on their views of the local culture and schools; the acculturation process, and the differences between the two generations; and the mothers’ parenting practice. The literature on the characteristics of Chinese culture placed the mothers’ acculturation process into perspective. I also drew upon the literature on Chinese immigrant parents’ acculturation experience in North America to interpret the lived stories of the four mothers. By tracing the mothers’ immigration journey, and their gradual change in parenting practice, I situated the mothers’ stories in a certain temporal space, where the mothers were trying to get adjusted to their new environment. The narratives depict how the mothers’ past experience informed their present life, and how in striving for a better future, the mothers wanted their children to draw resources from both Chinese and Canadian cultures. This chapter provided a picture of the challenges and difficulties the parents encounter in managing their children’s schooling, of which the biggest challenge will be to get to know the local culture and the local school practice.

4.1 Journey to the West Journey to the West is the title of one of the four most famous Chinese classic novels. It tells the story of the legendary pilgrimage to India of the Buddhist monk Xuan Zang in the Tang Dynasty. Xuan Zang set up on this journey to obtain sacred texts of Buddhism. It was loosely based on historic text Great Tang Records on the Western Regions (Xuan,

2012), and traditional folk tales. It was adapted into a TV series in the 1980s, which are

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very popular with the audience, especially young people. Journey to the West has become a symbol for adventures to unknown cultures and places. I think this imagery fits well with the immigration journey of my research participants. Accompanying the decision to immigrate, there is always the sense of adventure, risk-taking, and discovery. The immigration experience provides a social backdrop for my current research, and helps to better understand the new challenges facing Chinese immigrants.

There have been two waves of immigration to Canada since the foundation of People’s Republic of China. One took place at the end of 1970s, while the other was in the 1990s. In the first wave, people from southern coastal provinces of Guangdong and Fujian went abroad to be labourers. In the second wave, with the open-door policy, students pursued further study in overseas universities. The Hong Kong film Eight Taels of Gold (Cheung, 1989) featured the story of the homecoming of a man who worked as a taxi driver in San Francisco. The protagonist borrowed eight taels of gold jewellery from his friends in the US, so that he could have a glorious homecoming to his village in the southern part of mainland China for the first time in 16 years. He also brought all his savings with him to buy gifts for his relatives. His family threw a grand banquet where nearly the whole village showed up. He had to stand there accepting such gifts as a live duck or a chicken from them and giving tens of US dollars in return. A fellow villager, who came back from San Francisco to get married with a local beauty was better off since he owned a Chinese restaurant in the China Town of San Francisco. He gave a firework display to the whole village. And the movie presented an accurate depiction of the status of overseas Chinese in Chinese society before 1990s when China had a centralized economy, and average people had few material possessions. With the exception of the political dissents who sought asylum overseas, the primary motive for going overseas during this period of time, was to have a better material life.

This situation has dramatically changed in recent years. China has changed from a society with few resources to one of the biggest economies in the world. My parents and in-laws often told me that from 1960s up until 1980s, even if they had the money, the goods in circulation were so sparse, that they could not buy anything. Growing up in the 1970s, I also had memories of wearing old patchy clothes of my brother’s. My parents were university graduates who worked as engineers in a factory, and they could not afford to buy new clothes for my brother, my younger sister and me. In the summer of 2010, an article in one of China’s most popular and influential newspapers, Nanfang Weekly, known for its free spirit and daring criticism of the government, raised lots of buzz. The article entitled “How many elites are seeking immigration? What are they seeking for?” reported on the third immigration wave in mainland China (Yan, 2010). According to the 2007 Report on Global Politics and Security by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences (Li, 2007), China has become the source of the largest number of immigrants in the world. What distinguishes the third wave from the first two was that the newly emerged wealthy class and intellectual elite have become the main force of immigration. The immigration application process would cost one several thousand Canadian dollars, and the applicants were required to show a bank statement with sufficient funding that would support the family for at least one year in Canada, which would be approximately 100,000 RMB (16,000 CAD) (http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/applications/skilled.asp). When interviewed, the top two reasons cited by people who chose to immigrate were security and a better education for the next generation. They believed that “better education quality, clean air, safe food, capital security, and the sense of security” will all be realized in their targeted country for immigration.

One of the interviewees in the article, Mr. Ma, who immigrated to Canada in 2001, thus described his Chinese immigrant friends: When they were in China, some of them were university teachers, some were senior managers in companies, some were technical experts; while in Canada, they worked as truck drivers, porters, and cashiers. One of his friends chose to go back to school, and became a first-year university student at the age of 40. How to adjust oneself to the new reality and not to be defeated by a sense of loss, is a big challenge that most of the new immigrants are faced with. I knew a woman who came from a major city in China and was an expert in computer technology. She was the senior member of the technology team in a major bank and won an outstanding performance medal in her province. She now worked as a senior computer technician in a university located in a small town, and was in charge of the maintenance of the computer network at the school. She said to me that her present duty was too small a dish compared to her job in China. She was surprised by some of her colleagues’ lack of knowledge of China. Once, one of her colleagues saw some photos of a remote mountain area of China, which depicted local people living in huts. Her colleague asked her if she lived in such poor conditions in China. She was greatly upset and found photos of her hometown to show to her colleagues and proudly said to them, “See, my hometown is a modern metropolitan city.” Many of my Chinese immigrant friends and I found ourselves in an awkward situation. On the one hand, we felt great kinship with China and were deeply hurt by negative images of China in the media and public opinion as if it were a slap in the face, while on the other hand, we dreaded the question, “If your country is so great, and you are so proud of it, why do you immigrate?”

Unlike the protagonist in Eight Taels of Gold who showered the whole village with gifts, some new immigrants from mainland China relied on financial support from their family members in China. Meiping told me that she had a friend who just bought a big house in

her neighbourhood. Her friend did not have a job, and her husband worked as a labourer. They borrowed the money from their parents who stayed in mainland China, and they planned to make some money by renting some of the rooms in their house. Another new trend with the new immigrants from mainland China was that many came to Canada with the specific goal of obtaining Canadian citizenship. Once they got Canadian citizenship, they would go back to China. Such mindset was caused by mistrust about Chinese government. Stories of atrocities during the Cultural Revolution had left deep marks on Chinese people’s imagination. What if there was another social upheaval? Isn’t it better to have a backup plan if such things really happen? A Chinese economist even coined the phrase “getting off the sinking ship” to describe China’s current immigration wave to such developed countries as the US, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand (Xiao, 2012). This can be regarded as an overstatement that contains some truth in it.

Meiping and her husband can be regarded as good representatives of the third wave Chinese immigrants. They ran a kindergarten in their hometown, and Meiping’s husband is an artist who claims the patent of a certain form of art. The family lived in a three-storied villa, and hired a nanny to do the housework. Mike went to a private international school whose tuition fee was four times above the average. In their new life at Canada, their living conditions greatly changed. For a while, their only income was the tutoring fee earned by Meiping, and the family had to share a three-bedroom apartment with a young couple. The reality of not being able to find a satisfactory job that would sustain the same living standard as they used to enjoy back in China, had led to the couple’s decision to live the niulang and zhinv life. Meiping stayed in Toronto with Mike, her husband went back to China with their younger son to run their kindergarten. In the summer, when the school is over, Meiping and Mike fly back to China. In the interval, her husband and the younger son fly to Toronto to visit them

during holiday seasons. Mike expressed to his parents his exasperation over such a way of life, “You have wasted all the money on travelling. Why do we have to keep two homes?”

4.2 “Fortress Besieged” Qian Zhongshu, one of the foremost twentieth century Chinese literary scholars and writers wrote a novel entitled Fortress Besieged. In the novel, Qian (1980) borrowed a French proverb to describe the state of marriage: “Marriage is like a fortress besieged (fortresse assiegee): those who are outside want to get in, and those who are inside want to break loose” (p. 97). This novel was adapted into a very popular Chinese TV mini-series in 1990 and “fortress besieged” entered into daily language. Interestingly, many friends of mine described their immigration experience as “fortress besieged”. What’s more interesting is that they describe themselves as neither inside the fortress nor outside it. Instead, they are standing on the wall of the fortress, deliberating on which would be a better way out. In many cases, neither prospect seems enticing. The toll this mindset takes on one’s life is self-evident. It is like living in a vacuum, without clear motivation for any next-step action.

The learning curve I have been through during my years in Canada, echoes the stories of my research participants. I quit my teaching position at a university in Shanghai to pursue further study in Canada. Because of the financial strain, I was in desperate need for a part-time job. I asked a local friend to take a look at my resume. She exclaimed with surprise, “You are totally over-qualified. You’d better downplay it a bit.” I took out some of my education background, and sent out dozens of job application letters, but got no response. The change from a well-respected university teaching position to unemployment eroded the foundation of my confidence. I started to question whether I

could have a future in Canada, even when I got my PhD degree. What if I still got zero response for my job applications? My parents said to me that I should move on with my life and try to have a baby instead of spending more time on a degree. They started to think that I was squandering away precious time. Coming from my parents who were always supportive of my life decisions, it had a strong impact on me. I also felt guilty that I had to turn to my parents for some financial support. I am an adult and it should be my turn to take care of them. I remembered over the period of several months, I kept asking myself such a question, “Is this worth it? Is this a disastrous decision?” Seeing me in such a dilemma, my husband would say to me, “I don’t want to see you in such a miserable position. Let’s go home. We can have a comfortable life.” I strongly resisted such an idea, “That feels like being defeated. If I did not get the degree, it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I already lost several years of work experience, for what?” I could not forget the helpless look in my husband’s eyes. I just conveyed to him the message that I would be miserable either way. That was when I had an epiphany: I was engaged in an internal fight with myself where there was no winner. How had I, known among close friends and family members as the optimistic person, turned so negative? This was when I stopped whining, and started to focus on my study. In retrospect, it seems crystal clear to me this is what I should have done from the beginning. Yet, it took me nearly two years to overcome this sense of uncertainty and be able to find pleasure in my research work again.

New immigrants all needed to go through this process and come to terms with the reality. After all, what they are undergoing is life-changing. No matter what they have achieved, and how successful they were in their careers, they have left it behind when they embarked on the new journey. The mothers in my research all confided in me that during some down moments they doubted their decision to immigrate. Why going through so

much hardship when they could have a more comfortable life in China? Meiping said, “It feels like that there aren’t many good prospects waiting for us. For me, it’s just living the life day by day. There isn’t any achievement that I can make.” Hua was a middle school English teacher in China, and she felt confident that she could find a job in Toronto. She did massive job-hunting without any positive result. She was upset by this, “I am still young. I want to have a career.” This disillusionment with life in Canada sometimes got spilled over and became emotion pollution for the entire family. The mothers in my research all had found their own ways to deal with this difficult situation. Meiping chose to shuttle between Canada and China, and maintain her career in China, while providing her eldest son with a continuous Canadian school education. Hua was considering pursuing some further study. Yun and Ying decided to have a better career prospect in Canada by pursuing further school study. Yun took online college courses on nurse, while Ying was studying statistics at a university. Their first-hand school experience in Canada helped them better understand the cultural differences in these two countries.

The former Lieutenant-Governor of British Columbia, the honourable David Lam thus described immigrants’ attitude and role in Canadian society,

Multiculturalism is not totally understood. People think that it is my shield, my wall, my protection. Leave me alone to speak my own language, follow my own culture and do my own thing. If it is so, then I would ask in what way are you contributing to your country? When I speak to various groups a lot of my message is that the best way the country will improve is for everyone to contribute his or her best. Participate, I say. Coming to Canada is like being invited to a pot-luck dinner; if everyone brings leftovers, we’ll have a leftover dinner. But if one spends some of one’s time, picks one’s best recipe, and is prepared to give one’s best, we will have a feast (Huang & Jeffery, 1992, p. 68).

This statement rings true with my own experience. As I have mentioned above, when I was in Canada, instead of embracing the new life, and new culture, I often thought of the option I could have if I were back in China. Such mental state obviously hindered me from doing my best in whatever course I was pursuing in Canada, and gave me the false sense of being a passer-by, and a tourist. It was left-over, not the best recipe that I contributed to whatever project that I was involved in Canada. It felt like that I was afflicted with the “to be or not to be” question on a daily basis, and much deliberation did not help me reach a conclusion. I find that such mentality is more prevalent with recent immigrants from mainland China. The ambivalence in the parents’ attitude towards their new life, will definitely affect the dynamics in the whole family. The children will also take up this attitude of being a vacationer. Tsang et al.’s (2003) research of 93 satellite children of Chinese origin has shown that these kinds of confused feelings prevail among this group of young people, “the decision of staying or returning is a particularly relevant issue for satellite children, as many of their parents and family members do not plan to settle in Canada…Many astronaut families actually plan to have the mother bring the children to Canada and stay until the children finish university. At that point the mother and the children will return home and the family will be reunited” (p. 374). One of my friends who was a settlement worker in Toronto found that such arrangement had double negative effects.

The astronaut family phenomenon needs some explanation. There are two major reasons. One reason was that the parents could not find a satisfactory job that could match their income in China, as in the cases with Meiping and Ying’s husband. Another major reason for this life style has something to do with the immigration law in Canada, according to which, permanent residents are required to stay up to two years in Canada for every five years, otherwise they might lose their permanent resident status. If a

permanent resident wants to become a Canadian citizen, he/she has to stay for up to 3 years in Canada within four years of the citizenship application. And when a married person obtains the citizenship, his/her spouse could maintain their permanent resident status without staying in Canada (http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/applications/guides/5445ETOC.asp#appendix A). Many Chinese immigrants view Canada as a safe haven in case political upheavals burst out in mainland China, so many families choose to live in two places. Hong Kongers coined up the phrase “Immigrant Prison” for this phenomenon. It also best grasps the loneliness, and hardships entailed in this.

An ethnographic play included in Goldstein’s (2003) book touched upon the emotional difficulties that the immigrant students in the astronaut family experience. In the play, there was a phone call between Wendy and her classmate Sam, both of whom were immigrants from Hong Kong. In a previous scene, Sam said some hurtful words to Wendy,

(Very angry) Do you know what else I think? I think you want to act White. You only speak English so you can act White. You need to act White to be Joshua’s girlfriend. There’s no room in Joshua’s life for “an Oriental girl” who speaks Cantonese. (p. 155)

The following scene was the phone call between Wendy and Sam,

Hello? (Pauses, then coldly) Hi Sam. What’s up? (Pauses, a little less coldly) Apology accepted. (Pauses) Yes, you’re right. My relationship with Joshua is none of your business. (Pauses) No, not yet. I’m watching the news. I’ll write the column after the news. Okay. See you tomorrow. (Pauses) Sam? Are you still there? Good. There’s something I want to tell you. It’s

about my situation here in Toronto. I’m here on my own. My parents are in Hong Kong and I don’t have any brothers or sisters here either. You know, the typical “astronaut family”? Parents in Hong Kong. Daughter in Toronto. (Pauses) My father? He’s a journalist in Hong Kong. My mother is a doctor. (Pauses) Right. There aren’t a lot of jobs for Hong Kongnese journalists in Toronto. Anyway, because I’m here on my own, my relationship with Josh is very important for me. For me, he’s like a second family. My second family in Toronto… (p. 156)

During the Chinese New Year of 2010, Mike was left alone at Toronto for two weeks. At that time, Meiping and her husband swapped roles. Meiping stayed in China with their younger son for a little while, for several kindergartens needed her supervision and leadership. Her husband joined her during the Chinese New Year. Before he left for China, Mike’s dad asked his roommates to cook dinner for Mike and take an eye on him. When I talked with Mike later, he said that he would play PC games deep into the night. That was fun. When Meiping came back, to her dismay, she found that Mike was behind on all his school projects. I had personal experience with how the disrupted structure of family affected the child’s study and life.

In 2008, I was approached by a friend who also lived in Toronto. This friend of mine was also an immigrant from mainland China. She said that she had a big favour to ask. It turned out that both she and her husband had received job offers from another city. For her, this job provided a much higher salary and better benefits, while for her husband, that would be the first technical job he ever obtained in Canada. They both felt that they could not afford to let the opportunity pass. In the meanwhile, they did not want their son to move to the new city with them. Their son just began his study in a gifted class of Grade 8, and he enjoyed the competition from his peers and the challenge of the course contents. He did not want to transfer to a new school. The parents had their concerns too. Compared with Toronto, the city they were moving to was a very small city. They were worried that

the school quality was not as good. After prolonged deliberation, they had decided to leave their son behind, and here was the part where I fit in. They wanted me to move into the place that they rented, and take care of their son. I would act as their son’s guardian, taking care of his meals, and making sure that no harm comes to him. As an exchange, I could live at their place for free, which was a big attraction for me. I agreed, and did not foresee that a few months later, I would strongly recommend to the parents that they should transfer their son to their city, and live together with him. What has caused this change in me?

In fact, the boy and I had a great time together. Every time when we had dinner, I would ask him about his life at school, or we would talk about the books he read, his favourite TV shows, or games. He had been in Canada for three years, and his Mandarin was still good. But he preferred to speak to me in English. I could understand it, because this is his social language. He did not know the Chinese version of many of the new terms he had picked up. Later, he told his mother that finally he found someone who could understand him and have a conversation with him in English in the family setting. Every weekend, his parents would drive nearly four hours to come back home, and they would check his homework and all the projects he was supposed to complete during that week. They then would give him some extra math or Chinese language exercises to do. At first, this seemed to be a satisfactory arrangement. But soon both the parents and I found that there were troubling signs. Behind closed doors, the boy was playing PC games late into the night. The games took up a lot of time, and for some homework projects that required careful planning and research, he simply could not find the time. As a result, he handed in some substandard school work. The games gradually became the only topic that he was talking about during dinner time. He would talk about the history, the notorious accidents, the trading of equipment between classmates for certain online

strategy games. When I reminded him of the time factor, he would politely say that he would spend more time on his homework. But it seemed that he just could not control himself.

Then it became worse and worse, and I suspected that he sometimes played games into the small hours, and only had two or three hours’ sleep. He overslept and was late for school. I felt that it was time that I talked with his parents and told them about my concerns. They also noticed that their son took this period of time without parental supervision as a long vacation. The advantages for his continuing his schooling in Toronto all vanished into thin air. He used to be a top student in his class, but now he was struggling to meet the basic requirements of his courses. Despite their misgiving about the school in the new city, the parents decided to transfer their son there. One semester after the boy moved to the new city and new school, his family visited Toronto during the holiday season. I was thrilled to hear from his mom and himself that he enjoyed his new school life very much. He was back on track again. From this episode, it becomes clear that parental presence, support and authority are very important. Disrupted family routine gave children a sense of temporariness and uncertainty, and they could not display the same commitment to their school life as when their family life was stable.

4.3 Acculturation Process 4.3.1 Acculturation Gap between the Two Generations Many of the Chinese immigrant parents that I have made acquaintance with don’t have strong English skills. As I have mentioned in the research background, Chinese immigrants can find services in Chinese in almost every aspect of their life. Many Chinese immigrant families subscribe to satellite TV programs from mainland China, so

that they can watch the latest TV dramas. Interestingly, it is the parents and grandparents who watch the Chinese TV shows, while the children in these families are engrossed in popular American TV shows. As a result, despite the physical distance, the parents are well informed of the current affairs and pop culture of mainland China, while they show great apathy towards news about the Canadian society. For example, when I talked with some of my Chinese immigrant friends, I found that they had the faintest idea of the notorious case of Russell Williams that had bombarded the TV screen in Canada at that time. A lack of touch with Canadian society on the part of many immigrant parents aggravates the intergenerational gap.

The four families in my study basically retained their Chinese living style in their daily life, speaking Mandarin or Chinese dialects, cooking Chinese food, celebrating Chinese festivals, and maintaining traditional Chinese values. As a result, the children in these families adopted two sets of cultural norms and values because “environmental cues activate only these beliefs relevant to the particular cultural settings” (Hynie, Lalonde, & Lee, 2006, p.231). This situation is typical of many immigrant children who behave differently in public and private spheres and this partly explains why in research on intergenerational relation in immigrant families, researchers often explore the similarities and differences between the parents and children in their views on such matters as dating and marriage, since these issues fall into both public and private spheres at the same time and would give the readers some idea of value transmission in immigrant families (Fuligni, Tseng, & Lam, 1999; Hynie et al., 2006; Kwak & Berry, 2001; Lalonde & Giguere, 2008; Phinney, Ong, & Madden, 2000). What’s more, much research has been done to explore the relationship between Chinese immigrant parents’ expectation and children’s achievement at schools. The research found that many students share their parents’ views and expectations, but in some cases, the differences

between the school culture, and the parents’ aspirations might cause tension between the two generations (Chao, 1996; Chen et al., 1988; Dyson, 2001; Li, 2004).

At one time or another, the mothers in my research expressed concern over the prospect that the emotional ties between the two generations might get eroded away as the children became immersed in the host culture and started making new friends at school. The parents wanted to be the first person from whom their children sought advice and support in times of emotional or personal stresses. This may be true with all parents no matter whether they are immigrants or not, and what is also true is that every parent needs to face the reality that their children will gradually leave the family nest and build their own families. But in the case of Chinese immigrant parents in my research, there is one more concern: the parents were worried that differences between Chinese and Canadian culture would cause an extra gap between them and their children. As I have mentioned in the previous chapter, the two cultures differ in significant ways. Compared with their contemporaries in mainland China, the parents in my research were deeply concerned about their children’s identity: Are they Canadian? Are they Chinese? How would the children reconcile the different values in these two cultures when they grow up?

Acculturation is the process of change, which takes place through interaction with another distinct culture (Berry, Trimble, & Olmedo, 1986). And “immigrants are understood as having to reconcile inconsistencies and conflicts between aspects of their ethnic cultural heritage and those of the mainstream culture in which they find themselves” (Lieber, Chin, Nihira, & Mink, 2001, p. 249). Berry, Kim, Power, Young, & Bujaki (1989) come up with four acculturation modes: integrated, assimilated, separated, and marginalized (See Figure 2 for a description of the four modes).

Figure 2. Four modes of acculturation based on orientation towards issues of cultural maintenance and intergroup contact. (Berry et al., 1989)

All the mothers in my current research strongly identified with their Chinese ethnic heritage, while at the same time they wanted to become more involved in the mainstream Canadian culture. They would fall either in the category of “integration” or “separation” in the above mode. Phinney (1995) has asserted that a person “can have a high ethnic identity and be either closely integrated into the mainstream culture or be separated from it” (p. 68). In the case with my research participants, English language played an important role in hampering the parents from building up and maintaining strong ties with other groups in the society.

Despite their wish to learn more about the host culture, sometimes it was difficult for them to find the appropriate channel to achieve such goals. But with the children in these families, it is a different story, and they usually belonged to the “assimilation” model. The children except for Peter, knew very little of Chinese culture despite their parents’ efforts to maintain Chinese traditions in their daily life. Peter came to Canada when he was already in high school in China. In his mother’s words, his literacy in Chinese

language was better than his English. I don’t know if we can say a person’s Chinese is better than his English, but it does give one a sense that Peter has a good mastery of Chinese language and Chinese culture. All the other children in my study came to Canada at a much younger age, and their lack of knowledge of Chinese culture and Chinese language is easy to understand as the children attended local school and got to learn the values and customs of the host culture. As we all know, schools systematically teach students the prevalent ideology in a society. Naturally, students in Canada will learn about democracy from day one in school, while primary school students in China pledge loyalty to the communist party and the communism ideal when they become a member of the Young Pioneers4. In the case of immigrant families from mainland China, the children will have a very different view on global affairs from their parents. This is one of the sources for tension between the two generations.

From the above analysis, it becomes obvious that there tends to be an acculturation gap between the parents and their children. According to Crane et al. (2005), “It is likely that acculturation differences between parents and adolescents and their inability to resolve these differences through communication skills like empathy, acceptance, and effective problem solving account for greater family disruption and poorer adolescent outcomes” (p. 403).

One of the acculturation differences between the two generations lies in self-identity. A colleague here once said to me, “You are a visible minority. Do you feel uncomfortable when we discussed issues concerning ethnic minorities?” This question acts as a catalyst for change in my understanding of identity. Growing up in an environment where I

4 Young Pioneers is a mass youth organization for children aged six to fourteen in mainland China. Pioneers of China is run by the Communist Youth League. Most elementary school students are Young Pioneers.

belong to the dominant Han ethnic group, the issue of identity never bothered me. The new realization that my appearance marked me out from the group adds a new dimension to my understanding of identity. I wonder for an adolescent of Chinese origin who has grown up in Canada, how he/she would react to their “visibility.” Children of first generation immigrants, unlike their parents who were born and raised in foreign countries, and had firmly established their identity and self-esteem before they moved to their new home, and again unlike the third or fourth generation descendants who are better integrated to the adopted countries of their grand- and great-grandparents’, bear the full brunt of the confusion and estrangement resulting from the so-called identity crisis. This observation rings true with my research participants. As Tsang et al. (2003) has emphasized, it is very important to differentiate between such concepts as ethnic identity, citizenship, and cultural orientation when we are talking about immigration experience. “In nation states dominated by a majority ethnic group, ethnic identity and citizenship are often not differentiated among that dominant group” (p. 364).

In my research, all four mothers considered themselves as Chinese despite the years they were in Canada and the fact that they all became Canadian citizens at one time or another. None of them ever described themselves as Canadian. In fact, the mothers all expressed sadness and a sense of loss when they had to apply for a visa to travel to China. According to Chinese government’s Law on Citizenship, China does not recognize dual citizenship (http://crj.police.sh.cn/eemis_tydic/faq_wgrqz.jsp). Becoming a Canadian citizen means giving up one’s Chinese citizenship. I think the parents’ unwavering self-identity as Chinese is caused by the fact that they grew up and reached adulthood in China, where the majority of the population is of Han ethnicity.

In the research on immigrants’ acculturation process, many researchers have noted that

“Parents and children may work through these acculturative issues at different rates, which may result in acculturation differences between parents and children” (Costigan, & Dokis, 2006, p. 1252). In some cases where the parents have limited English proficiency, this gap can become bigger and bigger, and cause some emotional difficulties and strain among the family members. Yun felt that the differences in culture between family and school undermined her parenting practice,

What I teach her is different from what the school teaches her. When she comes home, she would argue with you from the new perspective she has learned. And I have no idea how to address such challenges.

One scene at Yun’s house stood out in my mind. During one of my visits, Yun’s house was under renovation. The family did the painting by themselves. Yun and Mary were trying to move a kitchen table away from the wall. Yun said in Mandarin, “Lift that end.” Mary pushed it, which took Yun quite by surprise, and she nearly fell onto the ground. Yun burst out, “Aren’t you Chinese? How come you don’t understand what I said? Can’t you tell the difference between lift and push? Do you really think that you can be a Westerner?” Mary was greatly hurt by the remarks, and ran back to her room upstairs. This was a very awkward moment, but I felt that I could not just pretend that nothing had happened. While helping Yun move the kitchen table, I said jokingly to her, “Even now, each time when I walked close to a door, and see either ‘push’, or ‘pull’ on it, I would hesitate for a moment. It has never become an instinct for me. Language is a tricky thing.” Yun said, “Me too.” Then I gently asked, “Why became so angry?” Yun replied, “That was the last straw. I have been thinking about this matter for a long while. There are other things. I can’t even talk to her now.” Yun said that she was worried about her children’s identity. She described her views on her daughter’s identity in the following way,

She does not know who she is. That is to say, she does not know her…she does not know ‘Who am I?’ ‘Why am I here?’ She has no purpose. She does not feel that she is Chinese, she does not want either, she does not feel that she is Canadian. She wants to be Japanese.

Yun said that “She wants to be Japanese” because Mary was an avid fan of Japanese manga and she even taught herself to read in Japanese. Yun thought that this confused identity was caused by different value systems. Ethnically, Mary is Chinese, but she has not been indoctrinated into Chinese values. Mary does not view her conflicts with her parents in terms of different value systems, while for Yun this is something that she can enumerate a long list of examples,

There are lots of things, take computer use for instance, we told her that she can use the computer for two hours per day. She would say to you, kids at other households could use the computer whenever they feel like to. There are many other things. Our expectation of her is, ‘Could you get an average of over 90?’ She would say that she was in fact a very good girl, that she did not get pregnant, did not make boyfriends, and did not take drugs. She would say things like that. I think these are totally different values.

Hua and Meiping also had the same misgivings over this issue. At one time or another, they both said to their children, “There is no way that you can go back to China now. You cannot even function in daily life”. They all recognize the rudimentary level of their children’s mastery of Chinese language and culture. At the same time, the fact of growing up in a family where Chinese culture dominates and being ethnically Chinese has determined that the children will have a complex attitude towards the mainstream culture.

The children’s view on the identity issue is not as clear-cut as their parents, and the

boundary between the “assimilation” and “separation” mode seems to blend into each other. Mike, for example, described himself as “Chinese first, Canadian second”. In my conversation with Mary, she would put her identity this way, “Chinese, I guess.” She can speak basic Chinese, but cannot read Chinese. Mary thus described the population of her school, “At my school, 90% of the people are Chinese. So there is only like two white people in our school.” She said that she did not know much of the mainstream culture of Canada and did not want to. Yun thought that her daughter might be bullied at school because she participated in an anti-bully campaign at school. When I talked with Mary, I asked her about the social activities she attended at school. Mary said that she participated in an anti-bully campaign upon her teacher’s request, and did not regard herself as the victim of bullying,

Because my, I’m not like … my friends, we are more like one gang that don’t really talk to the rest of the people, so there isn’t any bullying happens.

And she described her gang as “the kind that you don’t notice.” Yun once expressed her concern over the fact that they lived in a community with a high Chinese population because “you do not have the opportunity to have contact with the outside values”. In my visit to Yun’s house, I noticed that Mary had to ask for permission to use the computer. Yun’s husband set up a password, and in this way regulated Mary’s use of the computer. Yun said that they had to make such a move because Mary spent too much time reading manga on the computer. In my conversations with Mary about her school life and her interaction with her parents, the word most frequently used by her is “boring,” and she got excited when she talked about manga. When I used the word comics in our communication, she corrected me, and said that it should be called the proper name of manga. She would speak at length of her favourite manga authors, and her efforts at drawing manga.

Gérin-Lajoie (2005) states in her article on bilingual identity among youth in minority settings that identity is socially constructed and “belonging to a specific ethnic group is interpreted as being narrowly linked to social practices” (p. 902). And the youths’ rapport to the language greatly influenced the way “the same individual will identify with a specific ethnic group” (p. 903). What’s more, the youth’s knowledge of the ethnic culture will help define their identity. I once interviewed a 1.5 generation Chinese immigrant who regarded herself as Canadian first and Chinese second. She defended her position this way, “I am Chinese because of my heritage, my ancestors. But I feel more connected to Canada than to China because I listen to Canadian news everyday and know what’s going on in the world and Canada’s relation with other countries in the world. I know more about Canadian artists and what’s popular in the culture.” For her, China was more like a distant symbolic existence towards which she has learned to acquire the ethnically “correct” attitude – pride. As I have mentioned above, Mike also said that he is both Chinese and Canadian, and he feels equally comfortable when he speaks Mandarin or English. I also noticed during our social gatherings that Mike spoke in English with the younger people present, and switched to Mandarin effortlessly when addressed by an adult. He displayed a great deal of flexibility. Yon (2000a) in a study of the identity of students from different ethnic groups in a Toronto high school, coined the term “elusive culture”. The concept gestures towards “a view of culture as on-going processes, convergent and hybridized, which are implicated in the ambivalence and contradictions of social life and cultural practices rather than serving as a counter-force to them” (p. 144). Yon (2000a) also found that the youth demonstrated “tremendous flexibility in their capacity to make identifications, to experiment, take risks, discard and create ideas and in these processes they resist an understanding of culture as something to simply embody, apply, or force others to have” (p. 144). In the case with Mike, he had

developed a hybrid identity. It’s the combination of Chinese and Canadian. For Mary, she showed greater flexibility in embracing different cultures. In her mother’s eyes, she was not Chinese, Canadian, or Japanese. But in fact, by getting in touch with these different cultures, she was in the process of developing her identity in the multicultural Canada.

On the other hand, the complexities with cultural issues can cause confusion among youth, especially when the cultures involved advocated different values. Depending on their years of stay in China, the children in my research had quite different attitudes towards China. Mary came to Canada when she was four years old, and she summed up her knowledge about China in a few words, “I know it’s a Communist country and that’s about it”. And she felt really good about her parents’ decision to immigrate to Canada, “’cause I think, I find China very corrupt.” It intrigues me that Mary was also sceptical towards the mainstream culture in Canada, “I know there is a big difference and I don’t want to go over there (referring to Canadian mainstream culture), ‘cause it seems to be a bad place”. I think one of the reasons why she has such a reaction might be due to the discrimination and prejudice she felt that her mother has been subjected to, “I find that my mom gets taken advantage of at work, which really makes me want to go up there, but I can’t because then she will be fired.” According to a study that compared the academic, emotional and behavioural functioning between Asian adolescents and their Caucasian peers in the US,

In the area of academic functioning, Asian American adolescents in this study conformed to the general perception that they are academically oriented and good students. Asian American adolescents had significantly fewer school expulsions and suspensions than their Caucasian counterparts….Significant differences were found in the levels of social problems, with Asian American adolescents reporting considerably more social problems than their Caucasian peers. Asian American

youth reported being teased more often, being too dependent on others, and being rejected by peers (Lorenzo, Frost, & Reinharz, 2000, p. 296).

Difference in cultural norms could cause misunderstanding between the two generations. A basic question of “What is being polite” can have totally different meanings in the two cultures. I have learned from news reports, and online posts that many Chinese grandparents who visited their children in Canada or the US complained about how rude their grandchildren were, and how it was hard for them to strike a bond with them. The blood ties did not seem to work magic. For example, a Chinese child is not supposed to address his/her grandparents on a first name basis. Because of the importance of family in Chinese social relations, family titles have been applied to people that lie beyond the family circle. We are expected to address our parents’ friends as “uncles” and “aunts”, and there seems to be no boundary for privacy. All the “uncles” and “aunts” will take it as their own responsibility to lecture the children on how to behave well. “If he/she were my child, I would never tolerate such outrageous behaviour” is the comment often heard on such occasions. Usually the parents will not be offended; instead, they will welcome support from such sources. At the same time, if the children did not excel in their studies, their parents would feel great pressure from the people surrounding them. This pressure is also passed onto the children. The Chinese children I meet here are told to call me ayi (aunt), and they reluctantly called me that in front of their parents. When we were alone together, they would change back to Xiaohong again. I am perfectly all right with this, and I knew that they called me on a first-name basis, because they took me as their friend. In my view, there was nothing disrespectful in that. But the parents were upset, and would tell the children again and again to call me ayi. During one of the social gatherings, Yun and her husband complained to the guest present that Mary did not study well. Her school marks left much to be desired. One of her friends, Hui, suggested to her, “Come

to my house. My son, George can help Mary with her study.” Later, Yun said to me that Mary would never ask help from George. It was true that they were good friends when they were little. Mary did not think highly of George because he was very obedient to his mother. She thought that he was a Mama’s boy. In Mary’s eyes, the fine line between being respectful to the authority and the elderly and being dependent and servile seemed to be blurred. From this, we can see how the values from the two cultures keep wrestling with each other, and the same behaviour might get totally different interpretation in the two cultures.

Because of the gap in acculturation process, conflicts will arise between the two generations. A recent report on Singtao Daily, the largest Chinese daily newspaper in Canada, touched upon this issue (Feng, 2011). This report was about “the emotional difficulties and sense of failure” Chinese parents went through when their children moved out at the age of 18. In the report, Kevin was a Chinese-Canadian who was born and raised in Vancouver. His parents immigrated from Hong Kong. Both parents had a full-time job and had little time to communicate with their children. To make matters worse, both parents spoke Cantonese at home, while Kevin spoke English. They had great differences in culture and interest, which resulted in misunderstanding and miscommunication between the two generations. Upon high school graduation, Kevin found a part-time job, and informed his parents that he would move out of their family house and rent a basement room, and had no plan to go to college. His parents were doubly upset, and in desperation they sought help from their community organization Open Door. The Director of Open Door said, “Every year, our organization would receive over 10 similar cases. But as the children had already moved out, if they chose not to cooperate, there was little that the social workers could do for help.” He then added, “In immigrant families, the parents speak Chinese, while the children speak English; the

father watches Manchester United (soccer game), while the son watches Canucks. Both sides seldom talk to each other.” As a result, the chasm between two generations became larger and larger. I also heard several similar stories from my immigrant friends. For the parents, when the children moved out and quit college study, the life they led would be out of the track that the parents felt most comfortable with. No wonder under such circumstances, the parents panicked, I agree with the Director in the news report when he said that “to avoid such crisis, the parents must make changes and try to learn about the culture of their host country”. This might be the best way for the parents to understand the logic behind the child’s behaviour.

The attitude towards China often causes conflicts between parents and children in immigrant families from mainland China. Tibet is one of the sensitive topics within Chinese community, and the mothers in my research all believed that the issue with Tibet was China’s internal affair, and no other nations should try to interfere. In 2008, many Chinese Canadians participated with great passion in the demonstration in support of 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. Their national pride for China was greatly stirred when many incidents of boycotting the Olympic Torch relay took place in the West (Huang, 2008). Taiwan is another issue of great controversy. One father told me that when his son said that Taiwan was an independent country, he was so furious that he wanted to kick him. “Taiwan has always been a part of China.” These words are all too familiar to me because they have been repeated over and over again in the media and the textbooks of mainland China. Hua took a more relaxed view on such matters, “I don’t think that we could blame our children for holding certain views. They have just heard one side of the story. Show them other pieces of the story, and they can come to their own conclusion.” She also believed that the parents need to give the children more opportunities to get to know China – the mundane everyday China where common people go around carrying

out their lives.

The parents felt hurt when their children looked at China merely as a totalitarian communist regime with poor human rights record. While for the parents, criticising China is like seeing faults with one’s parents. The wrong-doings of the Chinese government won’t diminish their love for the home country, but for the children such patriotic feelings are directed towards Canada. During my years in Canada, in the social gatherings I have attended with my Chinese friends, the conversation exclusively centres on Chinese politics. The novel A New Life written by the award-winning Chinese-American writer Ha Jin depicts the life of a common Chinese family who immigrated to the US in the 1990s. Ha (2007), had similar observation in the novel, “I glad Nan stopped mix with his Chinese friends. When they’re together, they talk nothing, only politics. How to save the country, how to run government, how to take Taiwan back, how to beat Japan, and how to deal with USA. Everybody like prime minister or something” (2007, p. 51). During one of the social gatherings that I attended together with Meiping’s family, my Chinese friends talked about the tension between South and North Korea, and the strategy Chinese government should adopt amidst such turmoil. They recalled the history of the Korean War and discussed the possibility of another war. They also talked about the corruption of Chinese officials, and how this might affect the stability of China. I have never heard them talk about the politics in Canada. The children present looked bewildered by what their parents were talking about, for the terms, names, and the military strategic analysis were such a far cry from their living reality in Canada, and the parents’ perspectives towards the Korean War was so different from the history the children learned in a Canadian classroom. According to Mckay and Wong (1996), with a well-established ethnic identity, the first generation immigrant parents tend to strongly hold Chinese standards despite pervasive Western influences in

their children. ‘Being Chinese’ thus has different meanings for immigrant parents and their children. “The acculturative gap existed between two generations in Chinese immigrant families can cause parent-child conflict and further affect children’s school performance and mental health” (Li, p. 168).

In daily life, the mothers in my study became aware of many differences between the two cultures and would seize the opportunity to share their opinions with their children. The habit of pedestrians and drivers is of major concern to the parents since it is related to the safety of their children. Meiping recalled her driving tests in Toronto,

Because the situation in mainland China is different from here. In Canada, you don’t need to stop at the intersection. If the green light is on, you drive along. So I took the road tests twice. The coach said it was hard to believe that I had six years’ driving experience in China. “Why did you step on the brake at each and every intersection?” I couldn’t help it, ‘cause in China, the traffic is chaotic. Every driver needs to be fully alert to situations in all directions. It is so!

She also mentioned a recent report in Toronto on a Chinese pedestrian who jaywalked and was hit by a car. She used this report as an example to remind her son to abide by the traffic regulations. Saving five minutes by jaywalking might end up costing one’s life. We sometimes tend to overlook such matters, which in fact belies the intrinsic habits that have been built into our behaviour through years of living in a certain society.

The pressure of making a living in Canada also affected parental practice. The mothers in my research all expressed concern over not being able to supervise their children’s study as much as they wish since they themselves were struggling with their job, or their own study. Yun mentioned how her son’s teacher at daycare centre called her to complain about her son’s hygiene,

She said you don’t want your son to be looked down upon, or something like that. What she meant was the other kids wear clean clothes to the daycare everyday, but my son. ‘cause everyday I changed the underclothes for him, but he wore a sweater. He kept wearing the same sweater. And the teacher was displeased. Why didn’t you change his clothes? When I am exhausted, I just don’t want to change them everyday.

Meiping tutored around ten children at her home, and she gave classes every day except Monday. The age of her students ranged from 3 to 10, and if some parents came late in picking up their children after a lesson, Meiping had to keep an eye on them. Between all the house chore and the daily lessons, she could not find more time to spare to help Mike with his homework. As had been described by Meiping, immigrants couldn’t help comparing their present life with their former life in mainland China. The deterioration in social and financial status greatly affects the mental health of the parents, which in turn adds an extra flavour of bitterness if the children don’t work well at their studies. As Yun has put it,

We suffered so much hardship to settle down here. The first generation had to endure all the discrimination and prejudices in their work so that they could earn enough money to support the family. My only wish is that she (referring to her daughter) has good living conditions and goes to a good school, or she will have a steady job. That’s it. I do not wish for (her to become a) doctor. That is to say, if she could be a, like a nurse with a university degree, that is good. This is my requirement for her.

4.3.2 Implications of the Language Barrier In one of the social gatherings of Chinese immigrants that I attended, a father commented that once his son talked about Napoleon with him. It took him a while to figure out whom he referred to, for he only knew the translated Chinese name of this

French emperor. This provides a good example of the communication difficulties that immigrant parents and children encounter in family life.

4.3.2.1 Parents’ Stories of English Language Learning The claim of poor English proficiency and the fact that all my research participants had received post-secondary degrees in China and immigrated to Canada as skilled workers seemed to contradict each other. As college graduates in China, it meant that they had at least learned English for eight years (six years in high schools and at least two years in college). English is a compulsory course for over 90% of all college students in China (Xu, 2002). One of the renowned professors of law in People’s University stated that “they (the students) spend all their time learning English; nobody cares to learn law after me” (Yuan, 2005). But the time and energy invested in English learning seems to be oddly matched by these learners’ inability to communicate in English in real life. A study by the global consulting firm McKinsey suggested that “only about 10 percent of candidates for positions at multinational companies are qualified; a major reason is the lack of communicative proficiency in English” (Zhao, 2009, p. 83). This phenomenon is not hard to decipher. In accordance with Chinese exam tradition, students learn English for various tests. College students need to pass College English Test (Band 4) to graduate. Many students have a substantial vocabulary, but cannot get themselves understood in daily interaction with English speakers. This is the case with my research participants. In our conversations, both Yun and Ying described their English as “voiceless.” They could pass the English tests required for immigration as a skilled worker, but they cannot communicate freely as they wish in English with their peers. And they felt now they had passed that age period that was best for language learning. Ying actually commented that the subtleties of the language were lost on her.

All the mothers except Hua in my research attended the free LINC program that is sponsored by the Canadian government (http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/goc/linc.shtml). When I asked them how they had benefited from this program, they all agreed that it was a positive experience for them, in the sense that they had gained some useful tips about life in Toronto (e.g. how to open a bank account, see a doctor, ask for direction, and apply for telephone number and cable TV, etc.), made friends with some other new immigrants, and found a meaningful way to spend the first few months in the new place where they had no job, no relative, and no sense of belonging. Meiping said, “It is a good thing to know that there are people who are of similar situation. Some of them may even have a much better education or career background than I am. It feels like that we are in the same boat, and gives me some sense of security”. But at the same time, none of them felt that they made much progress in their English proficiency, “I still can not exchange jokes with my co-workers,” Yun said. Naturally, in an office environment, what can better serve as the lubricant in communication than a harmless and witty joke. Sometimes, by sharing a laugh, an awkward moment at work could be averted. Desai (2006) in her novel The Inheritance of Loss also touched upon the difficulty and barrier encountered by a character who spoke broken English in trying to build a close relationship with a native English speaker, “…something about their closeness being exposed in the end as fake, their friendship composed of shallow things conducted in a broken language, for she was an English-speaker and he was a Hindi-speaker. The brokenness made it easier never to go deep, never to enter into anything that required an intricate vocabulary…” (p. 25). To a certain extent, what Yun wanted to achieve is the highest standard for second language learners. To be able to understand a joke, one has to know the pun, the irony, the story, the allusion and the history behind it. On this account I have some first-hand experience. Once I acted as the interpreter for a lecture given by a Canadian education consultant to

a group of Chinese visitors. To lighten the atmosphere, the speaker chose to show some funny comic strips copied from the local newspapers, which turned out to be a disaster. Even I, the interpreter, could not quite understand the joke in it. After a few rounds of clarification between the speaker, me, and the audience, the joke had already turned cold. I had similar experience with televised stand-up comedy shows. The audience laughed into tears, while I, sitting in front of the TV, was puzzled by the punch line.

Likewise, the lack of competency in communicating one’s ideas that are rooted in one’s native culture is another source of frustration. When I first attended courses at OISE, I was troubled by the feeling that I could only convey part of my original meaning to my fellow classmates. I was also annoyed by my own timidity in the new environment. There was a voice in my mind that kept saying, “I want to be the best of myself; I want to show the best of myself.” Desai (2006) in her novel gave a touching description of the psychological consequences of such circumstances in her portrayal of an Indian student at Cambridge University, “He retreated into a solitude that grew in weight day by day. The solitude became a habit, the habit became the man, and it crushed him into a shadow” (p. 54). For immigrant parents, the barrier in communication more or less undermines their confidence in their abilities and skills, which in turn affects their authority in their children’s eyes. The lack of English skills can cause difficulty in new immigrants’ life, and sometimes it can even put them at risk. Meiping told me such a story,

When we first came to Toronto, we decided to visit Niagara Falls. My husband cannot remember the English names of the different streets and he could not read the street signs. We went together with some newly-acquainted friends. My husband followed the friend’s car all the time. When we came back from Niagara Falls, it was well past 9 p.m. And for a while on the highway, we lost track of the friend’s car. I was scared. We did not know the way, and we did not have a cell phone. What if

we got lost in the middle of nowhere! Luckily, the friend turned on the emergency lights, and we found his car again. Soon after the incident, I got enrolled in the LINC program.

The parents’ English proficiency has also become a determining factor in the renegotiation of their professional role. As I have mentioned in the vignette about the four families, all four mothers experienced profession changes. Meiping used to be a kindergarten principal in China, and now she gives art lessons as a tutor. Yun used to work in an import-export company, and now she is a nurse. Ying used to work as an administrator in a college, and now she is pursuing a degree in statistics. Hua used to be a high school English language teacher, and now she is a stay-home mom. Hua said that before she emigrated to Canada, with her English proficiency, she felt quite confident about her career prospects. Once she started hunting for jobs, she found that she did not have a specialty or skills. I, who majored in English literature for my post-secondary studies in China, had similar feelings as Hua. It is true that compared with other Chinese immigrants who did not study English as their major, we could function well in daily life, but in the job market, we could not apply for jobs that required special training and skills, and for those jobs that have high demand for English language proficiency, we lose the competitive edge to native speakers. Yun talked about the discrimination she encountered in the workplace. Yun worked as a nurse at a local hospital, and she was upset that she would be blamed for something she did not do. Those errors might seem inexcusable, but if they were attributed to her, they could be dismissed as “Oh, she is an immigrant and does not understand English well”. She was tired of being the scapegoat, but did not want to risk her job security by making complaints. Her submissive attitude towards such unfair treatment influenced her daughter Mary to develop a dislike for her profession. Once when I discussed her future career choice with her, Mary said, “Anything but what my mom does”.

Academic language in Canadian schools is a great challenge for the parents, and the children as well.

Research studies since the early 1980s have shown that immigrant students can quickly acquire considerable fluency in the dominant language of the society when they are exposed to it in the environment and at school. However, despite this rapid growth in conversational fluency, it generally takes a minimum of about five years (and frequently much longer) for them to catch up to native-speakers in academic aspects of the language (Collier, 1987; Cummins, 1981; Hakuta et al., 2000; Klesmer, 1994). (Cummins, 2000, p. 34)

As Sobel and Kugler (2007) pointed out, “Many parents with knowledge of English still lack understanding of its nuances or the academic language used in schools” (p. 64). This observation speaks true to Mary’s experience. Her father majored in engineering in a prestigious university in mainland China, and he could help Mary with her science homework. But Mary did not find this a rewarding experience, “My dad did not know the English terms, while I did not understand the Chinese words that he used. I spent much time trying to explain to him the instruction of my homework. Many times, both of us lost our temper, and I’d rather leave the problem unsolved than ask my dad for help.” I had first-hand experience with the challenge of academic language in my own research. For one research project that I participated, I was observing a science class in a middle school in Toronto. At that time, the unit under discussion was electric circuits. I used to be an above-average student in my science lessons and understood the principle involved in Chinese, but when I sat in the class for the first time, I found myself at a loss as to the exact meaning of many of the English terms. Majoring in English literature, I had little opportunity to familiarise myself with English terms in science. I may know some of them, but they occur as

isolated words and do not strike me as an integral part of a technical phenomenon, or can be associated with a certain experiment that I had in Grade 8. With Chinese terms it’s a different story. One physics term in Chinese may recall to my mind a vivid scene in my middle school. All the parents in my research expressed the great challenge posed by such academic language. Miscommunication caused by the lack of understanding of the terms used in the local school discouraged the parents from further involvement in their children’s school life. In Yun’s words, “We don’t know the school practice here. The knowledge we had comes from our daughter and some friends who also have children of school age. We have to rely on Mary in our communication with school. Mary looked down on us because we spoke childlike English. She would say how come you could not speak English well after so many years’ stay at Canada.” Ha (2007) gives a good example of the tension caused between two generations because of parents’ English proficiency: “‘Tired? We’re all living fast life here. You must do same.’ ‘That’s not proper grammar, Mom.’ What she and Nan didn’t know was that Taotao had been simmering, angry about their awkward English, which sometimes embarrassed him” (p. 194).

In Yun’s family, when she and her husband lectured Mary in sophisticated Chinese, she could not understand it. As a result, silence reigned. Mary thus described the communication pattern in her family,

I don’t, I can’t talk to them for a long time. It’s usually one sentence, or them talking for a long time and I’m just listening. They, my family don’t talk about anything. Well, actually. I don’t know. In family, they just want you to get your grade, good grade, that’s what school wanted again. So it’s basically the same. We don’t really talk about anything else.

To avoid the lectures by her parents, Mary chose to obey her parents’ orders, “If they wanted me to do something and I do it, and they leave me alone after that, then I’m fine”. For her, following her parents’ orders is trade-off for alone time.

I have also noticed that basic and simple Chinese was used in Yun’s family. For example, Yun would say to Mary, “Put this down over there”. She relied more on gestures to show Mary what she wanted her to do. In this case, she wanted her to put a pot of food on the stove. Mary complained to me that since her parents used such simple sentences, her Chinese vocabulary had dwindled for lack of practice. For some Chinese characters, she might know the written words, but did not know their pronunciation. When I asked Yun about the use of simple and sketchy sentences, she said that if they spoke in complicated and elaborate sentences, they would end up explaining the meaning of each word, and it would take up a lot of time.

In the meanwhile, the language factor can sometimes be used as an excuse by immigrants. Take myself as an example, once I remained silent in a class when a heated discussion was going on, and the professor asked me for my opinions. Under normal circumstances, I would have much to say, but this time I said that I did not quite understand the cultural implications in the phenomenon under discussion, and need to do more background reading. After class, a classmate who was also a very good friend of mine came up to me and asked why I passed over an opportunity to express myself. She and I had a discussion over the same topic before and she knew that I had much to say. Then she added, “Come on, don’t play the ESL card with me”. This is the first time I heard of the expression of ‘playing the ESL card’, although I am quite familiar with its symptoms. My friend was right. I had a very good understanding of the arguments, but did not join in the discussion because at that time I was preoccupied with some bad news

I just heard from home, and could not quite concentrate.

4.3.2.2 What is the Story in a Name? In the settlement process for the new immigrants, such a small thing as one’s name will generate many stories. Chinese pinyin system may appear to have the same letters as the English alphabet, but it has different pronunciation and phonetic rules. My name in pinyin is Chi, Xiaohong, and the correspondent Chinese characters are 迟晓虹. My first name Xiaohong means ‘rainbow at dawn’, as I was born in early morning. It is very common for ‘x’ to be the initial letter of a word in Chinese pinyin, while it is very rare for an English word to start with x. In Toronto, each time when I used the public services, and was waiting for the call of my name, I was worried that I might miss my turn because the officers might mispronounce my name. To avoid such scenes, many Chinese immigrants chose to have an English name, usually popular names in English culture. It took me quite some time to decide what I wanted my colleagues at OISE to call me. At first, I thought maybe I should call myself Chi, since my last name is much easier to pronounce and in China, it is common to call a casual acquaintance by his/her last name. Then I made friends with a local girl. We had known each other for several months when she found out that my first name is Xiaohong. She was quite upset and said, “Xiaohong! You make me feel like a moron. I have been calling you by your last name for so long”. After that, I used my first name to introduce myself at OISE. Compared with my research participants, I was lucky that OISE showed greater tolerance for diversity and all my professors and colleagues had made efforts mastering the correct pronunciation of my name. It was a warm feeling when I heard my name called in the hallway or the cafeteria. I had a Chinese friend who found a job in Toronto, and she used the English name Susan in the working environment, for she found that her colleagues had difficulty remembering her Chinese name. She joked about this experience, “I have two identities;

I am Susan in Canada, and XXX in China. Once I was spending the vacation in China, and a friend of mine called at my parents’ house, asking for Susan. ‘You got the wrong number. There is no Susan in this household’, my dad answered the phone this way. It was at that moment that I realized that Susan existed in another space.” All my research participants had an English name, and sometimes they tried hard to retain some of the cultural meanings of their Chinese names. Take myself for example, if sometimes I was pressured to provide an English name to make life easier, I would use Iris, for in my Chinese name hong means rainbow. But sometimes such efforts might result in an odd-sounding English name. Since I could not reveal the identity of my research participants, I would use an example that I heard from somewhere else. In this case, the boy’s Chinese name means talented, and majestic, and his parents chose Genius as his English name.

4.3.2.3 Language Acquisition for the Second Generation Language choice has always been a pressing issue for Chinese immigrants and the topic of biliteracy has attracted the attention of many researchers who are interested in the education of immigrant students.

Many researchers (e.g. Hinton, 1999; Kondo, 1997; Luo and Wiseman, 2000; Mills, 2001; Oh, 2003) have found that parents who explicitly display positive attitudes toward heritage language have a strong influence on the children’s attitudes, language use and proficiency. For example, when parents choose to use the heritage language at home and enforce a heritage-language-only policy at home, the children tend to develop a more positive attitude toward and higher levels of proficiency in the language. They would also be more likely to continue to use the language even after exposure to English compared with children whose parents do not make this effort (Oh, 2003). (Li, 2006, pp. 359-360)

It is generally believed that Chinese parents hold positive attitudes towards bilingual

practice (Lao, 2004). For Chinese immigrant parents, who do not master the host language, and bear the disadvantages caused by this in daily life and working environment, they naturally feel the pressure to push their children to attain the English proficiency as a native speaker, while at the same time, they wanted their children to master the Chinese language and have some understanding of Chinese culture, otherwise the two generations might find it hard to communicate among themselves. A non-Chinese newcomer thus described the estrangement between the two generations, “What we do not know is that we will be asked to make an even bigger sacrifice: we will be asked to give up our children, as they become not children we know and understand, but Canadian children, and so we lose them” (Anisef, Kilbride, Ochocka & Janzen, 2001, p. 27). In my acquaintance with Chinese immigrant families, I have noticed an interesting phenomenon. For the children who were born here, and were in kindergarten, the parents were complaining that they started to speak only English. When the parents asked them to speak Chinese at home, their response were almost the same, “I am Canadian, I don’t know how to speak Chinese.”

In her case study on the language practice of late-arriving adolescents from China, Qian (2012) noted that the parents expected English to be the only language used in their children’s daily life. Some parents watched Chinese movies, but they wanted their children to watch English movies. The parents viewed English as an important capital for their children to have a good career in the future. In the field work, I find that the language practice in each family varied greatly. Meiping’s family first came to Toronto in 2005, at which time Mike attended grade 4 in China. Meiping and her husband intended their initial stay as a testing period to see how well the whole family would settle in the new environment. They immediately enrolled Mike in a local school, so that he would have a taste of the school life in Toronto. In the meanwhile, they did not give

up their kindergarten in China, which was still operating as usual under the management of their deputies. Over the period of six months, to Meiping’s dismay, Mike’s Chinese proficiency deteriorated quickly. Meiping said that when Mike did speak Mandarin to her, he made mistakes about word association, and would use English word to substitute some Chinese words that he had forgotten. Also, for some of the new concepts that he picked up in the new school, Mike did not know their Chinese equivalents. Then Meiping and her husband came to a decision,

Pinyin, er, which he was good at, was almost completely forgotten, while at the same time, he did not make much progress with his English. So we thought this could not do, you know, we decided to go back to China. We planned at that time, er, to come back when he was in grade 7. We did come back when he was in grade 7. His Chinese is good and now he, er, often goes to the library to borrow very thick Chinese novels. For those words that he does not understand, he can always look them up in the dictionary, and we can teach him.

This decision helped with Mike’s Chinese, but he was faced with the challenge of the English language when he attended Canadian school again. When I first met him, Mike said that he thought his English was not that good, and did not like to read novels in that language. What’s more, he could relate more to the content in the Chinese novels, “I think the Chinese novel is more suitable for me, ‘cause they mainly talked about Chinese matters, er, matters. It’s not like laowai5, whose writings sometimes are really difficult to understand.” In my contact with Mike, I could see the great change in his English proficiency. He soon felt confident enough to start to talk with his peers exclusively in English. At present, Mike’s younger brother stayed in China with their dad, but Meiping and her husband planned to have him attend the kindergarten in Toronto when he was four years old. Meiping said to me, “We think that when the kids are young, they could

5 Another Chinese term for foreigners, whose literal meaning is the outsider.

learn how to speak English like the native speakers. We don’t want him to learn English in China. That way he might have Chinese accent. But we will bring him back to China to attend elementary school. We want him to have a solid foundation in Chinese language too.”

In Hua’s family, they not only spoke Mandarin, but also the local dialect of Henan province, which is where they come from, “We forced her (her daughter). We also forced her to speak the language, to learn Chinese. At home, we are always strict with her learning Chinese.” Also, both Hua and Meiping value Chinese language from a pragmatic view, and they regard it as an asset in the future job market. Hua said that her daughter did not like to learn Chinese at all, and she tried to change her attitude in the following manner,

Once we went shopping, and she saw many signs in Chinese characters. Then she asked me, ‘How come there are so many signs in Chinese?’ I said that Chinese might become the third language in Canada. I said that if you want to become a doctor in the future. You can speak English, French, and Mandarin. You can function as three persons if the hospital hires you. Why don’t they? She is quite taken by this argument. For a while after that conversation, she wants to learn Chinese.

While with Ying, she had other concerns. She was worried that her son’s Chinese proficiency was interfering with his English acquisition, “He surfs Chinese websites everyday to read Chinese stuff. He cannot live without them even for a day, so his English makes no progress.” This is a reminder for us educators that parents and children in Chinese immigrant families are making choices as to the time devoted to Chinese and English languages, and the children’s attitude towards Chinese language learning varies greatly, depending on the age when they first came to Canada, their Chinese proficiency, and their parents’ attitudes towards the use of these two languages.

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4.3.2.4 Lost in Translation (Hoffman, 1990) Yun felt a bit lost as to the best way to communicate with her daughter Mary. Mary came to Canada when she was six years old and went to after-school Chinese classes for a short time, but gave up soon because the lessons were too difficult for her. So she can not write or read in Chinese. She described her Chinese language proficiency this way, “I can speak basic Chinese, but when you, I can’t speak, use other than the basic things you use at home.” And she cannot understand the English that her parents are speaking. Yun recalled a funny anecdote when they travelled in China, “Her dad said that I wanted to have xiao chao (小炒, a Chinese phrase meaning stir-fry dish cooked in a small wok). Mary said, What, why do you want to eat grass (cao 草, the Chinese word for grass has similar pronunciation as chao).” Yun also touches upon the difficulty in conveying her ideas to her daughter, “We said to her how could you do things like this, that is mei chuxi. She would ask us what ‘chuxi’ means. I don’t know how to explain it. Only we Chinese can have mutual understanding of such a phrase. There are many things like, with backgrounds, that she cannot understand”.

“chuxi” is made up of two characters, and chu means return, give, while xi means interests. The literal meaning of “chuxi” will be returning interests, and no wonder Mary cannot guess the meaning of the phrase even if she knows both Chinese characters. This phrase means “promise, success, or harvest,” while mei is a negative word. So when Yun said “mei chuxi” to her daughter, she was expressing her disappointment at her. This expression affirms my above argument about the reciprocity pattern of the Chinese parent-child relation, that is, the children’s future success is measured in some way by their ability to return the “investment” of their parents. It does not necessarily mean that parents are expecting material rewards, but it does in some way display that Chinese

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parents approach their children’s education with a pragmatic view.

I am also struggling with the connotations of some Chinese expressions in my research. Of all my research participants, only Mary chose to speak English. All the rest communicated with me in Mandarin. When I was translating their words into English, I sometimes could not find an appropriate word for certain expressions, which are laden with contextual meanings from Chinese culture. Taking Hua’s words as an example, when she quoted Confucius’ teachings, “There is government, when the prince is prince, and the minister is minister; when the father is father, and the son is son” (Brooks, 1998, p. 92), she and I knew exactly what she was talking about. When I heard her words, I immediately got a picture of where she stood on the matter of parental authority. The quotes themselves were succinct, and the translation that I copied from a well-acclaimed version was very faithful to the original lines. But I guess for a person who does not have intimate knowledge of Chinese culture and tradition, these sentences might seem too sketchy, and cannot generate much sympathy or reaction. One of the ways to find out how much meaning had been lost in translation, or what messages had been taken for granted and omitted from the translation, is to translate the English sentence back into Chinese, and compare it with the original sentence in Chinese. I find it a very effective way to pick out some of the cultural differences. For instance, both Ying and Hua used the phrase “diaodui” when talking about the fact that some students may fall behind if not pushed hard. The literal meaning of “diaodui” is breaking the ranks, and initially it is a military term. In Chinese school, there is the sense that schooling is like a long march that one needs to keep pace with. It is a collective activity and one does not want to be left out or lag behind. But when I translated it into “drop behind”, the above implications of the phrase were also lost. Such communicative difficulty is one example of the cultural differences that Chinese immigrant families are faced with in their

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day-to-day life.

In the educational research field, there has been extensive discussion over the validity of translation and interpretation. In many cases, the researchers do not speak or understand the language of their research participants, and need to solicit the help of translators. More often than not, the translators do not have the expertise in educational theory and research. And as Temple and Young (2004) pointed out, discussions around such translation work emphasize “‘correct’ interpretations, register, ethics, matching of social characteristics and neutral stances” (p. 163). For many of the examples that I cited above, techniques and skills cannot be of much help. Unlike many research projects that hire translators and interpreters who are not directly involved in the research, in my current research, I have the dual role of translator and researcher. It is true that I have the advantage of understanding my research participants without any barrier. Temple and Young (2004) also stated, “The question of who is best able to represent others when translating has many parallels with discussions by researchers in race and ethnicity and the ‘racial matching’ of interviewers. However, it is increasingly recognized that the insider/outsider boundaries cannot be as easily drawn as racial matching suggests” (p. 168). In the beginning of the thesis, I have emphasized my position as an insider, who had empathy with my research participants since we had the same ethnic and cultural background, and I was going through the settlement process too. I also positioned myself in the research by interweaving my own lived experience in Canada and China with the families’ stories. But as the research unfolded, I came to realize how my training at OISE, and my position as a researcher determined that I was an outsider at the same time. My dual role as both translator and researcher does not necessarily mean that I could provide more appropriate interpretation of the field notes. The intimate knowledge of my research participants’ cultural background sometimes rendered me insensitive to some

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points that might attract the attention of a researcher from a different culture. Sherry Simon (1996) provides her ideas on solving translator’s dilemma,

The solutions to many of the translator’s dilemmas are not to be found in dictionaries, but rather in an understanding of the way language is tied to local realities, to literary forms and to changing identities. Translators must constantly make decisions about the cultural meanings which language carries, and evaluate the degree to which the two different worlds they inhabit are ‘the same’. These are not technical difficulties, they are not the domain of specialists in obscure or quaint vocabularies. . . . In fact the process of meaning transfer has less to do with finding the cultural inscription of a term than in reconstructing its value. (pp. 137–138)

I think she touches upon some of the most important issues that need to be considered in cross-cultural qualitative research.

This barrier in communication may seem a little frustrating for parents and children alike, yet at the same time, it has provided opportunity for the parents to reflect on Chinese culture, which is thrown into relief via its contact with the host culture. “Difference may be a stimulator as well as a block to communication” (Temple et al., 2004, p. 168). Yun recalled an anecdote from their early years in Toronto,

When we lived in downtown, and many of the neighbours are local people. Many parents got divorced, you know. Today the daughter lived with mom, tomorrow she lived with dad. When my daughter was young, when she was six years old, she used to ask us, “Why don’t you get divorced? They have two moms and two dads. If you got divorced, I would have two moms and two dads. ” I don’t know how to answer that, and there are many such things.

4.3.3 Learning About the Local Culture In understanding the dynamics within immigrant families, the concept of “implicit

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culture” and “explicit culture” as introduced by Hall (1959) plays a crucial role. “Explicit culture, such things as law, was what people talk about and can be specific about. Implicit culture, such as feelings about success, was what they took for granted or what existed on the fringes of awareness” (p. 85). In the discourse about generational cultural conflict, there is a tendency to allocate too great a part and therefore to place too much blame, on language alone. In fact, the language barrier is only a small part of the general communication deficiency and the cause of this much broader deficiency should rather be sought in those “implicit” cultural factors. Anderson (2002) has noted similar phenomena in his study of children in the bicultural family and pointed out “how boundary, as the zone of cultural contestation, is embodied in the person of the child and how, despite perceptions that cultural movement and human fluidity result in the disappearance or diminishing of boundaries at one level of analysis, they paradoxically reappear in another – the family” (p.114). In the Chinese immigrant families that I observed, it was quite clear that although most of the children managed to speak the native tongue of their parents, they spoke a language stripped of the context where it has in the first place acquired the meaning. In many cases, it was difficult for the children to understand the social code behind the language, since the implicit culture, which determines the “culturally correct” command of language, was hard, almost impossible, to explain, “Culture hides much more than it reveals, and strangely enough what it hides, it hides most effectively from its own participants” (Hall, 1959, p.53). When Mary was sitting comfortably on the sofa, Yun often said to her, “You should behave like a lady. Do not cross your legs. Do not shake your legs like that.” The formation of such manners emphasized by Yun was regarded as an important part of good upbringing, especially for girls. Mary always protested by saying, “I am at my own home. Why should I sit up straight? It is tiring.”

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For most people, the attachment to one’s native culture is established more through the mundane and routine day-to-day interaction with other people in the same culture, during which process the widely acknowledged behavioural code, and moral and ethical principles are quietly assimilated. When both generations are complaining about the handicap of language in their reaching out to each other, in fact it is not much of a Babel tower that they find themselves in, but a self-inflicted state of confusion caused more by the presumptuous stand each has taken about the other culture. In this sense, it is noteworthy that in some cases, the language barrier is taken as a ready excuse for the parents when actually no appropriate parenting efforts are made; and much in the same way, this is cited by the children as a pretext to shut themselves off in a space that is free from parental intervention.

Immigrant youths’ adjustment to the local culture is regarded as an important indicator of their psychological well-being. According to a study by Wong (2000) of the inner-city Asian-American adolescents, compared with Asian immigrant youth who had retained Asian cultural values and traditions, Asian immigrant youth who were more assimilated to the mainstream culture had been found to suffer less from depression. When I mentioned such findings to the mothers in my research, they all agreed that this was an issue that they were constantly grappling with. They viewed themselves as outsiders who welcomed the refreshing experience of getting to know one’s culture better through comparison and contrast with another culture, and they were ready to change some of their parenting practice to meet the demands of the new society. But as far as cultural values and norms were concerned, without an exception, they all held dear the traditional Chinese ones. They all reflected on difference in the acculturation process between themselves and the next generation. Ying said that when she moved to Canada, she already had formed her own value system on this world. The new life would give her new materials to reflect upon,

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but it would not shatter the foundation of her beliefs, and cultural habits. But for the children, their views on the world were still in the process of making, and the differences between their school teachings and their family culture can cause some tension between the parents and the children.

The parents all tried to pick up some practice and customs in the Canadian culture. Yun was struck by the difference between China and Canada in eating habits. In Chinese families, if possible, there will be three hot meals. As I mentioned before, the mother in the documentary Chinese School, cooked delicious meals and brought them to the place that her family rented near her daughter’s school. This way, her daughter could eat three hot meals, and have better nutrition. Yun said that it was impossible for all family members to go back home to have lunch because of the time schedule. But she would cook more food for dinner, part of which would be put into the lunch box. This way, all her family members could still eat home-made meals, which contained vegetables, meat, and fruit. Later, in her contact with her colleagues, she found that their lunch was very simple. One of her colleagues ate two bagels covered with cream for every lunch. “You see, the cultural difference,” said Yun. She was stressed about making hot meals every day. Now she learned to prepare something simple. Sometimes she bought some ready made meals from the supermarket, and prepared them by simply putting them into the microwave oven. The other mothers did the same. Cheese, pizza, hamburgers, various sauces, and ready made meals gradually entered their family dishes, and were welcomed by the children, who wanted some change from the familiar Chinese dishes.

There was a saying among Chinese people, which is, Westerners know how to enjoy life. From the media, we get to learn that some Westerners go to volatile and uncharted places for their vacations, which formed a sharp contrast with the Chinese way of

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vacation. In my younger days, a family vacation was still a novelty, and most of the common families could not afford traveling around for fun. In recent years, with the increase in wealth, tourism has become a growing industry in China, and a typical Chinese vacation would be to go sightseeing in a renowned tourist attraction, and take photos as a reminder that one has been there. When Chinese people immigrated to Western countries, they tried their best to adapt to the local lifestyle. One of the signs was that Chinese immigrant parents tried their best to have some vacation activities for the children. But still there was great cultural difference in the way they spent their vacations. Chua (2011) has mentioned the difference between her husband Jed’s family (in her book, obviously represents a White family) and her own parents,

Jed’s parents often vacationed without their kids. They traveled with friends to dangerous places like Guatemala (where they were almost kidnapped), Zimbabwe (where they went on safari), and Borobudur, Indonesia (where they heard the gamelan). My parents never went on vacation without their four kids, which meant we had to stay in some really cheap motels. Also, having grown up in the developing world, my parents wouldn’t have gone to Guatemala, Zimbabwe, or Borobudur if someone paid them; they took us to Europe instead, which has governments. (p. 57)

With Meiping and Ying’s families, they spent their vacations mainly traveling back and forth between China and Canada. As Meiping jokingly put it, “I have donated6 most of the money that I have earned here to the airlines.” Hua and Yun’s families sometimes traveled to the States or went skiing during vacation times. Hua said that she did not want her daughter to feel left out when her peers talked about their vacations in great excitement. The parents sometimes accompanied their children to the movies to watch the newly released blockbuster movie. Meiping said that she could not understand what the

6 A popular Chinese expression to mean that money is squandered or wasted.

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characters were saying in the movie, but it’s worthwhile since Mike enjoyed it very much.

4.4 Chinese Parenting Style “Comparative studies have consistently characterized Chinese parents as highly restrictive and controlling, or ‘authoritarian,’ where unquestioned obedience to authority is stressed rather than two-way open communication between children and parents (Chao, 1994; Chiu, 1987; Kelly & Tseng, 1992; Kriger & Kroes, 1972).” (Gorman, 1998, p. 73) In my field work, I find that the four mothers’ interaction with their children all fell into this type. The mothers gave out orders as to what they wanted the children to do, and these demands centred around a few points: Do your homework. Work hard. Be polite. Stop playing PC games. Stop watching TV. Don’t read useless books (novels). Mike and Peter would comply with their mother’s wishes most of the time, while Mary ignored her mother’s demands, and spent her time as she wished. But Mike and Peter said that they knew that in Chinese culture, they were supposed to be obedient and show respect to their parents. Many of the behavioural characteristics in Chinese parents can be traced back to a striking feature in Chinese culture as summarized by Liang (1975) who writes that Chinese people pay more attention to content than form. In our social practice, Chinese people ask if the proceedings will yield the desirable results, instead of paying meticulous attention to all the necessary protocols or regulations. This feature could help us understand many Chinese parenting practice. For example, many Chinese parents force their children to do things that they don’t like with the following reasoning: This is for your own good. You will thank me for my strictness and insistence when you grow up. The emotional stress or bitterness the children might experience for the present is just a small price that one pays for a greater purpose.

All the parents in my research want their children to retain such traditional Chinese

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values as respect for education, belief in hard work, and filial obligation (Chao, 1996; Ho, 1994; Hsu, 1953; Lin, 1956; Siu, 1994), and viewed abandonment of these values as unacceptable and upsetting. Hua directly quotes Confucius when she talks about parent-child relation in her family:

We are a traditional Chinese family, so we stick to the traditions, that is, “The ruler is a ruler, the minister is a minister, the father is a father, the son is a son” (Brooks, 1998, p. 92). You cannot, er, it is unacceptable if the son shows disrespect to the father.

This is exactly what Liang (1975) has stressed when he argues that China is a society formed around ethical relationships. In the above Confucian quote, every person in the society’s role and responsibility is clearly defined, and each individual should respect the rules. When I pointed out to Hua that these values are not taught in a Canadian school, she showed great confidence by stating, “She (Hua’s daughter) does not know that much yet. We instil these ideas into her mind first”. One day, I talked with Hua about how in Canada parents are supposed to respect the wishes of their children. Hua thought that the parents should not be too lenient with their children’s study, and again she emphasized the authority of the parents, “I don’t know how to put this. What could kids know？I think in this aspect, it’s a little too, how to say it, too humane.” Hua, more or less, views the differences between Chinese and Canadian cultures as a race between the family and the school. If the values and ideas that she believes get to be transmitted to her child earlier than the school, she feels that there is a better chance that the traditional Chinese values will be preserved in her child. From her attitude, it becomes clear how she views the two sets of values as exclusive of each other. The most frequently used expression by Chinese parents in parenting is “tinghua” (which literally means ‘listen to the speech and do as one is told’). Children are expected to be polite and respectful when they are

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talking with their elders. Western education is based on the encouragement of self-expression in students, while Chinese culture encourages obedience and self-effacement.

The following words from Yun could tell us more about the reasoning behind Chinese parenting,

When we were in China, we taught her that Mom and Dad are the most important people in her life. She must obey us because I gave birth to her. But here, she won’t listen to this and argues with me. When we first arrived at Canada, we sometimes spanked her. Up till now, she cannot forgive us. In fact, we quit spanking her a long time ago. But still, sometimes she would be like, how could you treat me like that?

It seems obvious that on the matter of physical punishment, parents and daughter have very different ideas. Mary was deeply hurt that her parents ever spanked her, while Yun’s attitude is that “She must obey us because I gave birth to her”. This echoes a prevalent mindset among Chinese parents, which can be described as a possessive/dependent pattern. The following story told by Yun could be regarded as an example,

One of my patients was an old woman who married a man with ten kids. She did not have her own child, but tried her best to take care of her husband’s children. She never felt that she suffered losses. You know, be good to children who are not her own. What she thinks is that I have made great efforts. I treat all the kids as my own, and they treat me well too. From the old woman’s attitude, I started to think, ‘Well, the foreigners have different family values. You know, we Chinese will think that these are not my own children. They won’t treat me well when I am old. Also, there was another case with one of my colleagues. He married a woman with two kids. He liked to talk about the two kids as if they were his own. Our Chinese colleagues would joke with him and say that he was really a fool to raise other persons’ children.

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Yun reflected on this cultural difference, and said, “We Chinese always want to have many kids. Like us, I gave birth to a son when we are middle-aged. We felt as if we struck gold. In fact, it’s hard to say whether the son will treat you well.” Yun’s comments also reveal that by seeing alternative ways of parent-child relations where their might be no blood tie, Yun started to learn to appreciate values different from hers.

4.4.1 Physical Punishment All four mothers mainly socialized with other Chinese immigrants, from whom they learned about customs and rules in Canadian society. They felt that the most important lesson that they have learned was “Do not spank your child.” They were warned that their children will learn from their school teachers to call 911 if they were mistreated by their parents. They even heard of cases where children were taken away from their parents and placed in the care of children’s services. This has become an urban legend among Chinese immigrants, and veteran immigrants usually offer it as one of the most important tips for new immigrants. For one of Yun’s friends, this urban legend nearly turned true. The family only had two members, a mother and a teenage daughter, and they newly immigrated to Canada. One day, they had a severe altercation over TV watching. The mother forbade the girl to watch TV for the night, and wanted her to do some homework. The girl was greatly upset and in her rage, she dialled 911, and said that her mother maltreated her. The mother was at a loss as to what to do, and asked her landlady for help. The landlady said to the girl that if the police did come, they might separate her from her mom. The girl was scared, and said that she did not want anything bad to happen to her and her mother. She just wanted her mother to let her alone, and not to interfere with her activities. The landlady persuaded her to phone 911 again to explain that the previous phone call was a mistake. When I heard of this story from Yun, I did not know how to respond. It seems that when Chinese immigrants come to Canada, they

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are overwhelmed by the many rights that Canadians enjoy. Moreover, they are also confused by the responsibilities and duties that come with the rights enjoyed by members of a democratic society. Unsurprisingly, all the mothers also heard of this tip, and stopped spanking their children.

Ying reflected on the changes in her ways of communication with her son,

I have changed a lot, and it is the change in my opinions that brings about such change. Here, it is emphasized that human rights be respected, and the children’s will be respected. So, this environment has caused you, er, not to be able to pressure him, or force him like when we were in China. This differs from the education we received when we were young. When we were young, our parents were very strict, and we must obey them. If not, we would be punished by spanking. But here, if you were a little harsh in your criticism, he would refuse to talk to you. So, when you move here, you cannot teach him with the Chinese method, ‘cause he changes. I would respect him more.

Speaking of Chinese parents’ attitude towards physical punishment, it is important to spend some time explaining the Chinese tradition on this matter. There is the old saying in China, “Without spanking, a child can hardly become a successful grown-up”. In The Dream of the Red Chamber, one of the four greatest classic novels in China, there is one famous scene where the protagonist Bao-yu’s father Jia Zheng punished him for his misbehaviour. Jia was tricked into believing that Bao-yu had tried to rape a girl servant. The girl servant later committed suicide. In a rage, he decided to give Bao-yu a good chastisement. He first asked his pages to beat Bao-yu, “The pages were too frightened not to comply. Two held Bao-yu face downwards on a bench while a third lifted up the flattened bamboo sweep and began to strike him with it across the hams. After about a dozen blows Jia Zheng, not satisfied that his executioner was hitting hard enough, kicked him impatiently aside, wrested the bamboo from his grasp, and, gritting his teeth,

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brought it down with the utmost savagery on the places that had already been beaten” (Cao, 1981, p. 339). Poor Bao-yu passed out. Jia Zheng did not stop there, and when his wife rushed in from the inner court, and tried to remind him that this beating would greatly upset his mother, Lady Jia, who viewed her grandson Bao-yu as the apple of her eye, he became even more angry, “Merely by fathering a monster like this I have proved myself an unfilial son; yet whenever in the past I have tried to discipline him, the rest of you have all conspired against me to protect him. Now that I have the opportunity at last, I may as well finish off what I have begun and put him down, like the vermin he is, before he can do any more damage” (p. 340). Finally, Grandma Jia came to Bao-yu’s rescue, and when Jia greeted her with utmost respect and said that she should not bother to come over herself in such hot weather, and she could send a messenger if she had any need, she responded in a voice with “unnatural shrillness”, “Oh! Are you speaking to me? – Yes, as a matter of fact I have got instructions, as you put it; but as unfortunately I’ve never had a good son who cares for me, there’s no one I can give them to”. Jia Zheng’s response to this remark is worth noting. “Wounded in his most sensitive spot, Jia Zheng fell on his knees before her. The voice in which he replied to her was broken with tears. ‘How can I bear it, Mother, if you speak to me like that? What I did to the boy I did for the honour of the family’” (p. 341).

Jia Zheng’s behaviour towards Bao-yu and his mother best illustrates Liang’s (1975) point when he says that the relations in Chinese society are fluid. In front of Bao-yu, Jia Zheng has absolute authority, but a few harsh words from his own mother can cause more pain in him than a good thrashing. Of course, most modern Chinese parents will never beat their child with heavy bamboo sweep, but the tradition’s influence is still there. While the mothers in my study all believed that some light spanking can be an effective way of disciplining the child, they no longer had this as one of the parenting

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tools in their inventory because they were afraid of the 911 call their children might make.

From my above description, we can tell that there is a great difference between Chinese and Western parenting style. The famous ‘Tiger Mother’ Amy Chua (2011) gives us some insights on some characteristics of Chinese parenting style. She wrote,

Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it’s probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it’s true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud. (p. 53)

Chua then summarized the difference between Western parents and Chinese parents in the following way,

Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away. (p. 54)

All the mothers in my study one time or another mentioned this difference between the Western and Chinese parents, perhaps not so clearly laid out.

Chua (2011) also used some strong words in her description of Chinese mothers who ‘spy’ on their children. I cannot recall any incidence of being spied by my mom. But it is true that my parents would emphasize the importance of a good education. As a straight

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A student, I was spared of much of the nagging that many of my contemporaries complained of. But for my older brother, who did not enjoy his study at all, it was a different story. My mom would lecture him for hours about the significance of a university degree, and warned him that if he did not put in some serious efforts, he would end up being a menial worker. Also, my mom often emphasized how much sacrifice she and my dad had made for us three children (we were born in the 1970s before the one-child policy was in effect) and how many hardships they had been through to provide for us. It would be heartless and ungrateful of us if we performed badly in our studies. What’s more, my mom is a very competitive person. In her time, a female university graduate was still a rarity. She would feel mortified if her children could not obtain a university degree. My dad pretty much left the lecturing and disciplining of us to my mom, but he would sometimes give my brother corporal punishment for doing poorly in his study to show his great disappointment, and those were painful moments for the whole family. My younger sister and I would cry by the side of my brother, and my brother looked crestfallen. In fact, my dad loved all his three children dearly. He would get up at 5:30 every morning to cook breakfast for us. My brother managed to get into a university and has a successful career now in a field relevant to his university major. Ironically, my brother is not particularly grateful to my mother, and when he had a son, he decided to raise him up in a much relaxed way despite the fact that all the people around him are making use of every resource to send their children to various extracurricular classes to learn piano, English, Olympics math, chess, taekwondo, ballet, etc. He said that our mother’s tyrannical way of forcing him to do drill exercises left a great scar in his heart. He had bad memory of his boyhood and it seems that his present success does not redeem that. Such grudges against my mom’s parenting methods even put a strain on their relationship. My mom once complained to me, “I was strict with your brother so that he would not be a failure in his adult life. Now

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he holds grudges against me. I did all that for his own good.”

When we talked about his son’s education, my brother said to me, “I want him to be happy. I want to give him more playtime.” “But he will be defeated in the competition. How about his future? Aren’t you worried?” these words came out of my mouth without any premeditation. My own reaction took me by surprise because I was the one who often criticized the Chinese education system and said how it deprived the students of the pleasure of exploring knowledge. Instead it was more of rote drills. Now, here I am, supporting the idea of subjecting my own nephew to such practice only because it seems to be the most straightforward, thus most practical way. The methods that my mom used echo some of the descriptions by Chua (2011). Besides lecturing on the importance of education, my mom spent hours and hours working on math or physics or chemistry exercises with my brother to make sure that he finally got those questions correct. The frequently used sentences under such circumstances are: “You might be resentful now, but you will be grateful when you grow up. I did all this for your own good, etc.” I witnessed many of such scenes, and most of the time, my brother remained silent. Sometimes he broke into tears if my mom’s words became a little too sharp.

Compared with my brother’s resentment of the authoritative parenting style, Hua was nostalgic of “the oppression” she experienced from her parents when she was young,

When we outgrew the rebellious phase, we will be grateful for the oppression. Take me as an example, in high school, I did much better in science than in liberal arts. My teachers then were against my choosing liberal arts7. My mom was also against it. But I don’t know what I was thinking, ‘cause at that time I was dreaming of

7 Hua is talking about course selection, which will have direct impact on the choice of her university major. There are two streams: liberal arts and science.

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becoming a big star one day (laughs). So at that time I was thinking, aiya8, I should become a famous writer. I must choose liberal arts. Then I found that was the biggest mistake. Seriously, later, I complained to my mom why she did not persist, then I might not have made this choice and I might have become a doctor or other professionals.

Yun also mentioned the different parenting style between herself and her colleagues,

Once we went picnicking, and all the way I was asking my daughter if she was cold, or if she was hot, or if she was hungry. The white parent9 said, ‘Why don’t you enjoy the trip? Why do you have to worry about this and that?’ These are two different types of parenting methods, right? I think there is truth in what she said.

Yun gave another example to illustrate the difference in parenting methods,

One of my colleagues has a daughter who is of similar age as my daughter. She said to her daughter, ‘if you do not come home before 10 pm, then don’t stay in my house any more’. But I cannot say such things to my daughter. That won’t do. My daughter is 15 years old, and I don’t know if she has a boyfriend. Even if she has, she will keep it a secret. But they, the foreigners, bring boyfriends or girlfriends home. And their parents won’t make a fuss over it.

In the four Chinese families I interviewed, there is no emphasis on the independence of the children. None of the children did any housework chores. The parents took care of every aspect of their daily life, and the only work for the children was study. Yun realized the lack of independence in her daughter, “Her room is such a mess. If she needs to go downtown, we have to drive her. She doesn’t know how to take the public transit.” If the children were to go to universities, it is expected that the parents would provide for them. The new catchphrase kenlaozu (whose literal meaning is the group of people who feed on the older generation) in China refers to a large group of young

8 A common Chinese expression used to express surprise, disappointment, or excitement depending on the occasion. 9 Yun referred to her friend this way, and I translated it literally.

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people in major cities who have graduated from universities and found a job, but still sought financial support from their parents. This phenomenon is partly caused by the soaring living expenses in these major cities, but at the same time it also shows how in Chinese society parental support is taken for granted and fully taken advantage of. With such a family culture, no wonder Yun finds it useless for her to give an ultimatum to her daughter. It was like setting a price for something you have been giving away free over the years.

4.4.2 The Shaming Practice During one episode entitled “The Great Chinese Mother Debate” on The Agenda with Steve Paikin of TVO, which was triggered off by the excerpts of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother published in the Wall Street Journal, Steve asked his Chinese guests if it was true that even if they got 95 in their tests, their parents would still say XX down the street got a 98 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RubTgT95EoQ). I know this is true with many of my friends in their parenting practice, and it resonated with my own experience. I grew up in a small town in Shandong Province, and my parents both worked in the same factory as engineers. The factory had its own residential area, and most of the employees of the factory lived in this area. Among this neighbourhood of several hundred people, there were families that were admired and envied by everybody because their children excelled in learning and obtained good jobs in big cities. I remembered that the adults around me always praised Lucy, the daughter of Zheng Ayi. She had been straight A student and was teaching at a university. Every time during such conversation, the adults would inevitably add one comment, “Only if our children could be like her.” And many parents often used to push their children into working harder by saying, “Why don’t you learn from Lucy?!” Young as I was at that time, I was determined to be someone like her when I grew up. I wanted my parents to be proud of

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me.

Personally, I am not in favour of this kind of shaming practice. But my purpose of mentioning the practice here was to point out the function it had in a child’s education. As I think what this practice meant for me, it seems that in a simplistic form, it provided me with motivation. When I heard my Chinese young friends in Canada say “I don’t care”, I asked myself the question ‘how to make them care?’ The children reacted strongly to their parents’ shaming practice and felt that they were not respected, while at the same time, there seemed to be no other alternative for Chinese parents to instil a sense of pride and self-motivation into their children. For the children, when they were pressured by the parents, the easy way out would be to put on a facade of ‘don’t care’. When Yun emphasized to Mary the importance of having a well-paid job, Mary would complain, “All that you care is money! How could you be so materialistic?” But for the parents, they were at a loss how to motivate their children.

Chua (2011) in her book mentioned how she used to be called ‘garbage’ by her father, and claimed that it did not affect her self-esteem. As an adult, she once did the same thing to her daughter, “calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me. When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early” (p. 51). Chua (2011) touched upon a great difference between Chinese and Western parents,

I’ve noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words,

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Western parents are concerned about their children’s psyches. Chinese parents aren’t. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently” (p. 52).

Many of my friends in Canada said to me, “Your parents must be very proud of you.” My usual response was ‘Yes’, and moved on to other topics. The fact is that my parents never expressed such feelings toward me. My dad’s highest praise for me is “Xiaohong is kind-hearted”. I remembered that our neighbours used to praise my brother, my sister and me in front of my parents, saying how smart we were and how successful we were in our studies. When the neighbours left, my mom always said to us, “You were average. There was nothing extraordinary about you. Always remember ‘There is heaven beyond heaven, and there are people more capable than you’ (an old Chinese saying 天外有天，人外有人)”. Such an attitude from my parents taught me to be humble. Recently, when I called home, my mom discussed with me about the education of my nephew who was in Grade 1. She was worried that the teachers today were lavishing praise on the students. She said, “I would give him a B minus where the teacher gave him an A. It is harder and harder for him to take criticism. He thought he was doing wonderfully.”

When I got married, I was surprised to find that my parents’ cool attitude paled in front of my in-laws. Once at the dinner table during a family gathering with my husband’s relatives, my husband and I were praised for being good scholars. As is the custom, we smiled and said that we had achieved nothing. My mother-in-law pushed it further and said, “These two were useless. The only thing they know is reading books. These two are idling, making no contribution to the society.” From my understanding of my mother-in-law’s personality, I knew that she did not mean any harm to me. She was just being modest on behalf of her son and daughter-in-law. Still tears swelled in my eyes. It was true that my parents did not praise me, but they never use degrading terms toward

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me. When we talked about daily affairs, my mother-in-law was loving and considerate. But on the topic of careers of her children, she would be the harshest judge and critic. I remembered once I told her how my husband was praised by his supervisor at the Cambridge University with the secret wish that she would feel a bit pride in him. She said, “You know, the foreigners like to exaggerate. Don’t listen to them. They are not sincere in their praise. When I watch the TV, I often hear them saying ‘wonderful’, ‘excellent’ ‘terrific’.” Once when I said to my sister-in-law how her mother made me feel like garbage, she replied, “My, do you know that she often praises my brother and you in front of my dad and me? Don’t you realize how she values your opinions?” It was at this moment that I realized that my mother-in-law just wanted to keep us grounded. She was afraid that my husband would lose his head.

When I talked with the mothers in my research about this phenomenon, they all had the same opinion. To praise the children too much would create either a sense of complacency in their children’s minds, or lose its effect altogether because of the overuse. Talking about the shaming practice, the first response from the parents would be denial. They admitted that they had such practice when they were in China, but they had made changes when they came to Canada. Ying jokingly said, “Here we have few close friends. The peer pressure is greatly lessened. In China, if most of my friends sent their children to the best schools, and quit their jobs so that they could give better support to their children who were preparing for gaokao (College Entrance Exam), I guess I could not remain calm. But here, nobody knows me.” Ying’s attitude could partly explain the compromises Chinese immigrant parents make in the disciplining of their children. Her feeling of anonymity is typical of the psyche of many new immigrants. As I mentioned before, when I first met Meiping, she also said how she did not care that much about her appearance. Her comments were echoed by many of my immigrant

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friends. I think this attitude toward appearance is very telling of the marginality and anonymity Chinese immigrants feel in their social life. In the meanwhile, the lack of social networking and a feeling of “out of place” in the Canadian society gives the immigrant parents extra reason to demand better performance from their children. To ensure success and upward mobility, the children need to work harder. Thus, the shaming practice is still widely in use, despite the parents’ denial. Hua’s daughter was a straight A student. But if her grade was not as good as expected, Hua would tell her that she could have done better. Hua was very mindful that her daughter not become proud. The mothers also learned to change strategy when they found that the shaming practice did not have the desired result. Yun often compared Mary with her friends’ son or daughter. She would say, “Look at XX, she’s a good student. She chose education as her major. She will have a stable job. Her parents are so relieved.” Yun found that Mary became annoyed by such comparison. So she changed the method. She would tell Mary that if she got several A’s in her test, she would get a present. Yun said that such ways of encouragement seemed to work with Mary.

Another interesting phenomenon in my research is that the longer the families has stayed in Canada, the less sure the mothers have become as to their parenting methods. Yun’s family has lived in Canada over 10 years, and she started to question some of the decisions she has made concerning her daughter’s education. One issue at the centre of the conflict is Mary’s violin lesson. In most of my conversations with Mary, she appeared remarkably composed and cool, but she spoke with an agitated expression about the following incident even after six years,

I got to learn how to play violin, but then I didn’t practice a lot. So they gave me a deal. I did the deal, but then in the end they didn’t keep the promise. The deal is if I practiced a lot for one month, ‘cause they cut it off after my third exam. They cut it

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off, and they said if you practiced one month one hour everyday or something, then we would put it back on. And I did that, but they didn’t.

Yun thought that she was justified in her decision of discontinuing this musical program,

It is true that she practiced in that period of time, but she did not work hard. It was more like killing the time and she did not put her heart into it. Why should I waste more money if she did not make the progress that was expected by the tutor?

In this matter, Mary was deeply hurt because she thought her mother broke a promise to her, while for Yun, a promise is flexible and subject to different interpretations. Faced with all these differences in values and opinions, Yun tried to maintain a good relation with Mary by adopting a passive stance in her parenting practice,

I am adopting a non-interference attitude with my daughter. I dare not criticize her, ‘cause in young, young, ur, adolescent phase, if you talk too much, she became impatient. If you persisted, you would lose the daughter. It’s almost like you have given her up to other people. So I have no choice but tolerate. There are many, many things that I had to tolerate.

4.4.3 Get the Best of Both Worlds I find that much of the mothers’ deliberation concerning their children’s education arises from the desire to get the best of both worlds. This is a common phenomenon in cross-cultural experience. Naturally, the mothers want their children to retain some traditions of their heritage culture, which the mothers hold dear to their hearts. In the meantime, they wish their children to fully enjoy the benefits of the new culture, which serves as a significant motivation in the parents’ immigration decision. The aspiration to reap the best part of both cultures also becomes a source of intergenerational conflict, for what the parents deem as the gem of one culture is not necessarily compatible with the other culture. Yun sent her son to attend a Chinese class once a week in the hope that he

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would learn some traditional Chinese values. “Now they are learning Standards for Students and Children”, Yun told me. Standards for Students and Children was a book compiled by a Chinese scholar in the 17th Century. He based the small book on Confucius teachings to give students and children the first lesson in Confucianism about daily manners and moral principles (Li, 2010). Yun said that every time after the lesson, the children were told to bow to the teacher and say, “Thank you for the hard work”. This small book taught students to show great respect to the elderly and the teacher. For example, if you were in the same room as an elderly person, you were expected to stand up if that person did not ask you to sit down. Mike once told me that when he first started school in Canada, every time the teacher asked him to answer a question, he would stand up. The rest of the students laughed at this odd behaviour.

4.4.4 The Sacrifice Pattern All the parents in my research tried hard to provide a comfortable living environment for their children despite the financial challenge. Meiping told the story of their choice of housing in Toronto.

When we first arrived at Toronto, we stayed in the house of a Chinese family. It is called a family inn, and it provides housing for newcomer families at a relatively cheap price. The owner does not require long-term contract, which suits our situation well, as we haven’t decided on our next move yet. We rented one room in this house, and had to share the kitchen, and the bathroom with another tenant. When we were in China, we lived in a three-storied villa, and I found it hard for my son to get used to the new living arrangement. Soon I found that my son was ashamed of our new living condition. He was an outgoing boy. When we were in China, he had many friends. He liked to invite his friends over and had fun. Since he started school in Toronto, he had already made several friends, but he never brought any friend home. One day I asked him why he did not invite his new friends to our home. He said, where can they stay? It is true. The room was packed with our luggage and daily utensils. We immigrated to Canada so that my son could have a better life, and when my husband and I realized that living in that place had affected

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our son’s self-esteem, we decided to move into the three-bedroom condo. It is barely furnished, but at least my son has his own room now.

Meiping’s story again brought up the issue of the purpose of immigration, and the emotional and financial difficulties the families are faced with in the settlement process. As I have mentioned in the introduction, most immigrants came to Canada so that their children would have a better future (Anisef et al., 2001). If the immigrant children do not behave well or fare badly at school, one of the most common lectures they will get from their parents is how they are terribly disappointed that their sacrifice has come to nothing. Here the sacrifice refers to the fact that their parents gave up whatever they have achieved in mainland China to come to Canada. All the mothers in my research agreed that their children’s education and welfare is a crucial factor in their decision to immigrate, but it is not the sole reason. Yun said that she and her husband also wanted to get to know the broader world, “When we were young, we wanted to see for ourselves what it was like in the outside world. We happened to obtain the chance, and here we are”. Meiping gave her reasons on why she thought there was this blaming game by the parents,

Most immigrants, to be frank, were quite well-off when they were in China. Most of them are successful, but once they were here, if they worked really hard, they might attain a status comparable to their former life in China. But if not, you also had to take it as it is. So when you finally obtained the citizenship, you would look back and say, aiya, I don’t know why I did this. So since you don’t know why you have done this, then you’d better do it for the children. The children love here. The environment is good, the air is fresh and the workload at school is light. So you would say I immigrated for the children. In fact, I believe that initially, most immigrants, initially, did not immigrate for their children’s sake. So it’s unfair to blame the children, for the children had no idea. Their parents made the choice for them.

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Another factor that contributes to this “sacrifice pattern” is the changed roles in immigrant families. As I have mentioned in the beginning of this thesis, the immigrant parents usually suffered a status drop in Canada. To counterbalance this challenge to their authority, parents would like to tell the children that “I did all this for you”. This is more like a comforting thought for the parents to compensate for the sense of loss and failure when they could not achieve the same success in their career as they used to be in mainland China. The dream of having a better life is replaced by the reality that they have to start all over. The drastic change in social status will inevitably affect the parents’ psychology, which, in turn, is reflected in their attitude towards the education of their children. As the years progressed, the dream of obtaining a glorious new life fades away, and in its place, the excuse of “sacrifice for the children” becomes consolidated, and official. And as the children become assimilated into the Canadian society, there is no turning back to China, even if the parents want to. Meiping expresses this feeling in the following words,

Sometimes when I feel unhappy, I would say, what am I doing here? I want to go back. But I would then think, if he (referring to Mike) went back, he would lag behind (in his study). Seriously, he would lag behind in all subject areas. Um, in such case, he might just give up and would not, not work hard any longer. If so, that would be er, a destructive, er, blow for him. So it’s impossible for us to go back.

4.4.5 Expanded Family Structure Another factor that affected the parenting style was the changed family structure. Yun observed that she was in a even more subtle and delicate position in her relationship with her daughter when she gave birth to her son in Canada, “Because in China you can only have one child. Since we came here, we had our son. She felt that we were favouring her younger brother over her”. This is also a unique phenomenon among immigrants from

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mainland China, that has sometimes caused tension between the parents and the eldest child. Because of the one-child policy in mainland China, the child had become used to the notion of being the only child and the centre of attention before the families immigrated to Canada. Many parents decided to give birth to another child since now they have the option. Of the four families that I interviewed, three had a second child when they were in Canada. And the eldest children in these families found the new situation hard to face. I asked the mothers for their reason to have a second child. The primary reason is the same, “It’s because we can.” For Yun, and Hua, they wanted to have a son since they already had a daughter. Meiping wanted to have a daughter, but ended up having another son, whom she loved just the same. Yun said that she and her husband also wanted to have some change in their life. Ha (2007) provided another reason for having a second child: the protagonist Nan in his novel, who was a Chinese immigrant to the US, reflected on the prospect of having a second child in such a way, “Having her would have made his life more bearable and lessened his misery and loneliness in this place. She could have become his American dream” (p. 472). In this sense, having a child is like planting a new hope and finding new meaning in the daily routine that is not very exciting. Interestingly, in the novel, Nan’s son Taotao also reacted strongly to the idea of having a baby sister, “Taotao was furious and said his parents were outrageous. ‘I’m almost thirteen. Am I going to be an uncle of the baby?’ he blustered.” (p. 433) During a social gathering that I attended with Yun’s family, Yun’s husband had the following remark on the education of his two children in front of his daughter Mary, “We have screwed up with our daughter. I have decided that I am going to make it right with the little one.”

In Meiping’s family, there is an eleven year difference between Mike and his baby brother. Meiping was worried that the brothers did not get on well with each other,

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Mike did not know how to play with his brother. We spent the summer in China, and sometimes when he was sitting in front of the PC, his little brother came over and hit him. I think he was trying to attract his big brother’s attention. Mike was annoyed, and hit him back. Their dad always criticized Mike, ‘He is just a baby. You should be more tolerant’. Mike felt greatly wronged, and would stay at his grandma’s to be away from his little brother.

The expanded family structure is a challenge for both parents and the children. For the parents, they were learning to balance their attention between two children, while the elder child was learning how to welcome a new addition to the family, and get adjusted to the fact that a new member was sharing everything that used to belong to him/herself exclusively.

4.5 Summary The differences between school culture and family culture have caused the tension between the two generations. The mothers mainly resorted to Chinese traditions and values in their parenting practice, but their children learned about the Canadian ways in school. The language became the biggest barrier for the mothers to better understand the local culture and the school practice. As a result, both the children and the parents could not appreciate the subtleties in the other culture where their language proficiency was limited. The language barrier sometimes was used as an excuse for not making efforts to try to understand certain behaviour or attitude. In the next chapter, I discussed the participants’ experience with the local school.

Chapter 5 Encounter with Canadian Schools

In this chapter, I discussed how the mothers got adjusted to Canadian schools. I first laid out the differences between Canadian and Chinese schools. Then I described the mothers’ attitude towards extra Chinese homework, and their views on the difference between Canadian math and Chinese math. The next section deals with an issue that was described by the mothers in my study as a great challenge, that is, the moral education of their children. After this, I talked about the mothers’ involvement with the schools, and how the mothers could be border-crossers in their children’s education. In my discussion, I drew upon the literature on parent-school relations, and Chinese educational philosophy on moral education. In the narratives, the connectedness between past, present and future is best displayed as the mothers compared their children’s school experience with their own school experience in China, and sought for the best way to support their children so that they could have a better future. This chapter mainly deals with the question of the challenges and difficulties the parents are faced with in getting involved in their children’s school life, and the adjustment they make in their parenting practice as they get to know the local school practice better.

5.1 Differences in School Culture In my conversations with the four parents, they all, at some stage or other, expressed mixed feelings toward their children’s schooling in Toronto. To put their opinions and ideas in perspective, I will relate some of my own experiences of the differences between Canadian and Chinese schools. As a graduate assistant at OISE, I had the opportunity to visit some elementary, and secondary schools in Toronto. The first thing struck me was that there were no walls around Canadian schools. In China, most schools

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are enclosed by walls, with security guards on duty at the school gate. For some large schools, there are even several gates, each guarded by security. When I stepped in the classrooms, I was surprised by the colourful decorations. Students’ artefacts, art works, handicrafts, maps, portraits, etc. covered the walls. In a typical Chinese classroom, the walls are tidy and clean. Only one or two pictures will be put up. Sometimes at the back wall, there will be wallpaper. In China, the class size is bigger. It’s normal for a class to have over 50 students. In some key high schools in such metropolitan centres as Beijing and Shanghai, some classes even have over 70 students. Even in elementary schools, Chinese teachers are specialists, each teaching his/her major in their post-secondary studies. Zheng (2006) pointed out that teachers give students a lot of handouts in Canadian classes. While in Chinese classes, noting-taking is emphasized by teachers. I remembered that as a student, my notebooks were often borrowed by my classmates for photocopying during the test season. We were expected to record all the key points the teachers had covered in each lesson. Recently I acted as translator for a high school principals’ delegation from China, and when we visited a middle school, the principals were surprised to see that many students did not even have a notebook with them. “How come they did not write down anything?” The Chinese term the principals used is dongbi (the literal meaning is to move your pen), which I have heard all my teachers say during my school years. The belief behind this was that while the hand was writing down the contents, it would help the brain to remember them. “In China, the classroom is for the students. Teachers go to different classrooms to teach. In Canada, the classroom is for the teacher. Students go to different classrooms to study…There is only one teacher in a Chinese class, but in Canadian classes there may be a teacher, as well as a teaching assistant or co-teachers” (Zheng, 2006, p. 5). In our conversations, Ying went into great details about the differences in practice between her son’s present school and his former schools in mainland China, and what the difference means to her son. Peter is an

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introverted child, and likes to keep his ideas to himself.

I think the Canadian way is suitable for those kids who are self-disciplined, but for some kids, who do not have strong self-control, I think the methods in mainland China better suit their needs than the Canadian way. Because the big difference between China and Canada is that, kids in China, for each class there will be a head teacher. It feels like that this child is governed by a parent. This feeling of governance is good. For instance, ur, this child, this student is faced with some difficulty or whether it’s his/her strong point or weak point, or if he/she is worried about something, the head teacher usually knows all about it. But the subject teachers will also communicate with the head teacher. So the head teacher has a good knowledge of the whole class, while here, there isn’t such a person.

She admitted that the counsellor in the local school was very patient and thorough in answering the questions she and her son had over some school issues, but “you have to make the move, then the counsellor will help you. If the child is shy and does not seek his/her help, the counsellor will not contact the child. Moreover, the counsellor has to take care of so many children.” Ying also reflected upon how the different class and school settings affected her son’s experience of the Toronto school. She felt that the school system posed great challenge for a newcomer with language and cultural barriers to develop new friendships. Unlike the schools in mainland China, where students stay in the same class and have the same courses even in high school, in Toronto, high school students get to select the courses that they are taking. With different courses, you might have different classmates, “In China, he has classmates. And the seating is fixed. That means, we will sit next to each other, no matter which course we are taking. It feels closer. While here, after one class period, it is different classmates again”. The loneliness at school will also affect the children’s life after school, “If the kid’s personality, that is to say, it is alright if he/she has many friends. If not, this kid will just shut himself/herself in the house”. Ying thinks that it is hard for her son to have a sense of

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belonging. He is not “one of us” with his new classmates,

When he first came here, he was not adjusted to the new environment. He would feel that he was an outsider. He felt that he could not become one of them, and at the same time, he felt detached from his former friends (in China). With time passing by, he had no common interests with his friends in China. He has no common topics for discussion with both groups.

I think Ying here brings up an important issue. Only when the teachers get to know the difference in the routine and set-up of Chinese school and Toronto school, can they better sympathize with the new immigrant students who are overwhelmed by a sense of loss on each front of their lives.

Ying also compared another difference between the two school systems,

In China, students don’t need to choose what courses to have. It’s just math, physics, chemistry, biology for science students, Chinese language and English language. It’s the same for all the students. For liberal arts students, they have geography, history, etc. All the students fall into these two categories (science or liberal arts). It’s really easy to manage. For the children, there is no such thing as ‘I will decide how much I want to learn.’ No. It’s all mandatory.

Ying felt that under such circumstances, the greatest challenge posed to a new Chinese student is to plan and manage one’s school life all by oneself.

Another striking characteristic of China’s education system is the fierce competition and great emphasis on examinations. Examination has always been an overwhelmingly powerful force in Chinese education, which has a root almost as old as the cultural tradition itself. The civil service examination system was first established around the Sui dynasty (7th Century A.D.) and has ever since become a part of the social-political

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institution of the state: “These examinations were open, with few exceptions, to all males. They were based on the Confucian classics and were conducted, as a whole, with remarkable impartiality and freedom from corruption” (Hsu, 1953, p. 186). The examination was held on four successive levels and degrees were conferred to those who were successful in the examinations. The attainment of these degrees was “the most important qualifications for government posts” (p.187). Some scholars who got the highest degree became prime ministers or other high-ranking officials in the imperial court. This literally made it possible for men from all classes and all walks of life to reach the highest social status if they worked hard and mastered Four Books and Five Classics designated as the curricula for the civil service examinations. This practice was carried on for nearly two thousand years and it helped foster a kind of national sentiment that puts an unshakable and almost infinite faith in the selective power of examinations. 2000 years ago, Mencius said, “Some labour with their minds, and some labour with their strength. Those who labour with their minds govern others; those who labour with their strength are governed by others” (Legge, 1991, pp. 249-250). It is quite telling about the Chinese tradition that values scholarship, and learning.

Miyazaki (1976) gave an account of the typical classroom activity in ancient China when civil service examination acted as the anchor of education,

A class usually consisted of eight or nine students. Instruction centered on the Four Books, beginning with the Analects, and the process of learning was almost entirely a matter of sheer memorization. With their books open before them, the students would parrot the teacher, phrase by phrase, as he read out the text. Inattentive students, or those who amused themselves by playing with toys hidden in their sleeves, would be scolded by the teacher or hit on the palms and thighs with his fan-shaped ‘warning ruler’. (p.15)

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From the above description we may see that studying for the civil service examination is a tedious and enduring drudgery, characterized by memorization drills. It is no exaggeration when Miyazaki (1976) called the Chinese civil service examination as examination hell and to survive and excel in this system, such virtues as forbearance, patience and perseverance are badly needed. Strict discipline is deemed as the prime rule for success in schooling and there is the old saying from the well-known Three-Character Canon, “Rear children without instructing them, and the father should be blamed; teach in a slack and lazy way and the teacher should be criticized” (Wang & Zhou, 2006, p. 11). In modern China, examinations still enjoy supreme power in education. Hurdles of examinations are set up all along the way, among which the most important milestone is the college entrance exam. In recent years, with expansion of higher education and the establishment of many private institutes, the percentage of the age cohort enrolled in colleges and universities has grown from 27.3% in 1990 to 72.7% in 2008 (National Bureau of Statistics of China, 2009), yet this trend of mass education does not slacken the life-and-death like competition over the college entrance exam, for to have a better career prospect, students still need to strive for higher marks so that they can get accepted by prestigious universities, whose diplomas are highly valued. The chasm between top-notch universities and the rest of the universities and colleges has been widened because of the government’s priority funding policy for them in an effort to build a number of first-rate universities at the international level. These top universities are designated as 985 universities. And Project 985 is “a boosting project to promote the Chinese higher education system as called for by President Jiang Zemin at the 100th anniversary of Peking University on May 4, 1998” (http://www.cucas.edu.cn/HomePage/content/content_214.shtml#h1).

The great honour attached to high score echoes the public posting of results in ancient

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China’s civil service examinations. According to Miyazaki (1976),

For the district examinations the names of successful candidates were written on sheets of paper large enough to hold fifty names. The name of the best candidate was placed at the top, in the twelve o’clock position, and the names of the rest were written counterclockwise, in order of descending rank. Then the men in charge checked each name with a mark in black ink, distinguished it with a red dot, wrote ‘successful’ (chung) in the empty space at the centre of the list, and, lining up all the sheets, posted them in front of the yamen gates (p. 22).

There is a tendency of idealizing the Western school system among Chinese immigrant parents, for they have strong criticism of some of the practices in Chinese school system. Hua described her impression of the Chinese preschool in the following words,

The management, ur, it’s totally different. The children in China have been enslaved by a framework. When I sat in some of their classes, I felt that the children had no initiatives. That is to say, what I remember most vividly is when the kindergarten invited parents to witness the lessons. The first thing the teacher asked the children to do is to put their hands on their laps, and look into the teacher’s eyes. The children were like puppets. They wanted to convey some message through the activities, but it’s more like a formality. While I feel that in the kindergarten here, it’s more like a free fun ride. You go there to play, and the children are happy.

Hua also compared the difference between the homework in these two countries,

The child of my friend in China who was in first grade had to work until 9 or 10 pm on his homework, and also there was only one correct answer to the questions. There is no room for innovation. While my daughter, a short while ago they did sort of, after they learned a text, they were asked to write about ancient society. They were asked to do research on the computer. She did research on ancient China’s customs, etc. I think this way she has learned a lot without you asking her to. When I was a student, to learn about history means to memorize history, to learn about political science means to memorize political science. For my daughter, in the process of doing research, her information is richer than an adult, it almost matches

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what an adult knows. What’s more, she gains such knowledge without being aware of it. You did not force her to learn, but she did learn. In China, you forced her to learn, and she would resist it.

All the mothers in my study recalled how fierce the competition was in Chinese schools. Mike compared his experience in Toronto with that in China, “My school here is very relaxing, there is little homework, and the teachers are lenient with us. As long as you understand the content, then it’s OK. In China, the teachers pushed really hard”. The children all embraced this change and ironically, the mothers were alarmed by the lack of homework and the big chunk of play time. The parents were used to associating good performance at study with diligent work and drill training. When the quantity parameter seems to be less important in their children’s new school life, they felt at a loss as to how to measure the performance of their children, and were concerned that their children would lag behind their counterparts in mainland China. This is understandable since the parents knew little about the educational philosophy and principles behind the schools in Toronto, and they intuitively resorted to their knowledge of Chinese schools for reference.

Hua noted another difference between Canadian and Chinese schools,

What it requires is the co-operation within the group. Several people did a speech, and the cooperation is very important. I think that in China, there is no such thing as several students doing one project together. Top students are always top students. So I think, this is something really good about the local school.

I have strong empathy with her on this point. When I started to attend classes in OISE, what struck me most is the classroom atmosphere. I was shocked and deeply touched by the candour and sincerity displayed by my fellow-students in classroom discussions. In

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most of the courses I took at OISE, presentation constitutes an important part of the lesson. I immediately sensed the difference between the practice here and that in China. Here, most of my fellow-students took the presentation seriously and tried every possible means to present their topics in an original way. The many ingenious methods employed and the insights and in-depth ideas displayed in the activities filled my heart with wonder and admiration. I feel my fellow-students took this activity as a platform where their individuality and creativity could be displayed. I can think of no other words but unimaginative to describe my performance in such classroom activities. In my years of experience as a student, I have never before felt so uncertain and diffident. One of the reasons for my lack of artistic skills lies in the fact that I did not receive much training in these aspects, but at the same time, I had to admit that we do not encourage such activities in a typical Chinese classroom. The argument might be that such activities take up too much time, and we cannot afford such luxury in a highly competitive environment, where the looming tests dominate the teaching process.

In China, we also have presentations, but the way we term this activity betrays its real characteristic. It is called “duty report.” I noticed that most of my students called upon to perform this “duty” would read through some articles and books related to their topic and give a summary of their research by reading from notes or reciting from memory. The rest of the class would fidget and whisper to each other while the monologue was going on. It was ironic that an activity intended to unleash the imagination and creativity turned out to be the most boring section in class. There are deeper socio-political reasons behind this attitude. One would be the dualism I mentioned in the opening chapter, that is, a division between public ideology and private opinion. Another reason for the apathy towards classroom activity could be attributed to the national character. Modesty and reservedness have always been the most valued virtues that are expected of a

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well-educated person in China. The underlying message is a belief in a superintendent power that could discern merits in every likely or unlikely places. Chinese scholars have a faith in “being discovered” and are not anxious about how to sell their talents to the public. The intellectuals in ancient China pitied themselves for not meeting with a wise emperor. The same rule applies in the field of education.

In my study, the mothers’ own school experience gave them first hand knowledge of the cultural differences. For example, Yun was taking online courses at a local college, and she keenly felt the difference between Chinese and Canadian schools,

The training in China is more of the basic skills, while here what is trained is the way of thinking. For example, I wrote an essay for one course based on the instructions for the assignment. The teacher said that it was filled with empty talk, and was just a to-do-list. I have been studying for two years. Why did I choose to do this? I think that I need to get familiar with their way of thinking. It was like, ur, sometimes when I spoke with my colleagues, I did not have the background knowledge. I was not here in the first thirty years of my life. So when my colleague said something, even when she was commenting on a specific matter, I did not get the meaning behind.

Then Yun talked about the challenge of critical thinking,

In that course, the teacher talked about how to break a big concept into smaller concepts, using your own, er, he also stresses the importance of critical thinking. We do not emphasize this. I think that in Canada they value this. But so to speak, I am so old now and have to learn this from the fresh start. I admit that it is important. I think that there are many things that I haven’t thought clearly. They put more emphasis on critical thinking.

The issue of critical thinking seemed to be a recurrent topic with Yun, and she viewed it as the greatest attraction for her in her life in Toronto,

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For me, the greatest benefit of coming here is, wow, men can live this way. That is it. There is only one standard in China, right? It has this standard too. For example, for Chinese, the standard is political promotion and getting rich. They have these here too. But besides these, there are other ways. That is to say, the meaning of life is what they perceive it to be. It is not just one standard imposed on you. I think it makes you be aware of a broader world. There are many ways of living, and many ways of thinking.

In another time, Yun talked about what she most appreciated about the local education,

In China you get uniformity. Here you can see different kinds, different, er, for example, my daughter has classmates who are Muslim, white, black, Chinese families or what you have. That is to say, that she can see all these different families. It also provides many opportunities to get in touch with the outside world. There is visiting student, er, exchange student from Japan. She gets to see all these. What’s more, there are many interest groups. The greatest benefit of this place is that it gives you great space for development in the direction one desires. It provides you with the platform. Another advantage is that it gives people equal opportunities for education. I mean higher education.

Yun touched upon a controversial issue in Chinese education system. The entrance score for the same university differs from province to province. In such provinces as Anhui, Hubei, and Shandong that are renowned for their better quality in education, the competition for getting into universities is fiercer. Yun was from Anhui province, and she still held grudge against the system that landed her in a third-rate university, “My husband called my school a ‘bogus college’”. If she lived in another province, she might have been admitted by a top-rate university.

Ying felt strongly about the cultural factors in her school experience in Canada. Once when I was at her home, she asked me for advice on an essay assignment for her English course. Part of the instructions were as follows,

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Monsters are personifications or embodiments of social anxieties. For example, ghosts represent troubled pasts or personal traumas; vampires represent anxieties over sexuality, with the vampire bite representing sex; witches represent a fear of feminine power; zombies represent the fear of mob hysteria; and the Frankenstein monster represents anxieties over science… For your research project, choose a monster and examine how it relates to its contemporary social anxieties.

Ying complained about the task, “I have little knowledge of vampire and ghosts in Western culture. My classmates were so excited, and they talked on and on about vampire stories, history, cartoon image, and movies. It was all Greek to me. I thought about the ghost stories written by Pu Songling in Chinese literature because he criticized the society and government with his ghost stories. But when I explained the stories to the teacher, he looked totally lost. I didn’t want to write about something that seemed to confuse the teacher, so I decided to write about aliens. I think this topic is unfair for immigrant students.” Yun also mentioned that she had difficulty understanding her instructors’ request for certain assignments, “I don’t know what he/she expects of me. Even after he/she explains to me again the assignment instruction, I still don’t understand.”

5.2 Extra Chinese Homework In the literature on immigrant parents’ involvement in their children’s education, many researchers have pointed out that Asian immigrant parents (including Chinese) are more likely to make use of resources to better the chances of their children’s education. They will accompany their children when they are doing their homework, give them extra assignments, and hire tutors for them (Kao, 1995; Schneider & Lee, 1990). In her research of Chinese immigrant parents’ role in their children’s education, Louie (2001) pointed out that most of the parents in her study regarded doing well in school as the

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only avenue towards success for their children. Kelly and Tseng (1992) pointed out that Chinese parents are like teachers to their children and they take complete responsibility for their children’s development. Besides the Chinese cultural disposition that honours education and educators, there is another factor that plays a significant role in determining Chinese immigrant parents’ involvement and investment in their children’s education, which is the new social status as an ethnic minority in another country. Hua, Ying and Yun all referred to the discrimination that they encountered in the job market. Firstly, their credentials in mainland China were not recognized and Ying said that she had no choice but to take courses in a Canadian school although she already had a bachelor’s degree in the same field. Consequently, the parents were strongly motivated to closely monitor their children’s school performance.

To compensate for the scarcity of drill exercises in local school, both Hua and Yun gave their children extra homework, while Meiping enrolled Mike in a training school for English and math. From my observation and conversations with the mothers and the children, extra homework is one of the major sources of conflict between the two generations. Mary talked about the math homework her parents gave her,

It didn’t really help me. Well, I guess they gave me the higher level books. Well, they gave me higher level books before when I, like grade 3 in grade 1. Well, something like that, higher level than yours right now. Later on, I guess it helps.

Meiping had mixed feelings towards assigning extra homework to Mike,

When we were in mainland China, it’s like, when we did math exercises, after what we did in class, there would be tons of books and exercises, several hundred exercises were waiting for us to do after school. But when we are here, I don’t know where to buy such books. I don’t know. So sometimes I am really worried but can’t

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do anything. Sometimes when the extra homework is too much, he will say, I already understand it, I don’t need to do more exercises.

For the parents, the extra homework provided some comfort. By recreating some of their own school experiences in China, the parents found some ways to get involved in their children’s education. The parents all agreed that they felt inadequate in helping their children with their study in subjects that requires high English language skills, such as English, history, geography, and civics.

Ying was the only parent in my research who did not think that the school content in the local school was too easy. She went through her son’s textbooks, and compared them with his Chinese ones.

In China, his books are very simple, but there are lots of exercises. While the books here have much richer contents. It’s in great details. The textbooks are very well written. For a person without any foundation, if he/she can teach himself/herself, he/she can find whatever he/she needs to know in the textbook. I read their math textbook, and I think that his math textbook is on the same level as what we have learned in the first year of university. That data management, I think, is an introduction to statistics that we learned as university freshmen. I think many of its contents appear to be simple, but in fact it is not.

She thought that the key to academic success did not so much lie in the school contents as in the students’ devotion to study. As a result, she was not keen to give her son extra Chinese homework. But then a new problem arose, she found that even though she was familiar with her son’s math textbook, she still did not know how to help him with his study, “In China, the teachers teach by the textbook. I know exactly which unit they are working on, and can check on his performance. Also, [in Canada] when I explain to him a math problem, he would say, that’s not how my teacher taught us. The final result is

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the same, but they have different problem-solving patterns from what I have learned in China.”

Within the Chinese community, there are many stereotypical concepts about Chinese and Canadian school systems. Chinese and Canadian school systems seem to be on two ends of the spectrum, which is partly the reason why so many Chinese parents are attracted by Canadian school system, and regard it as a sound choice for their children’s education. But when I had further conversations with the mothers on this issue, their impressions of Canadian school tend to be general and vague, which are characterized by such statements as -- The students in Canada, especially in kindergarten and elementary school enjoy great freedom, and they are more creative. The children are happier. The students are independent and mature in their social skills. The education fees are much cheaper. In contrast, the schools in China provide an oppressive environment for the students. The students are lack of creativity. The parents have to invest much time and energy in their children’s study, so that the children won’t lag behind. The workload is too heavy, and the students have to spend much time learning some knowledge that they will never use in their future career. Childhood spent in China will be unhappy.

My college classmate who lives in the US once warned me against going back to China. She said that it might be a good choice for myself so far as my career is concerned, but it would be a bad choice for my children if I had any in the future. “Just think about it. The tons of worksheets that they have to complete ever since grade 1.” This comment is confirmed by my friends who live in China. During my recent visit to China, I felt overwhelmed by endless discussions about school education. A friend of mine had a 10-year-old son, who was now a grade 4 student. She lamented, “They have a lot of drill training in all subjects, and he is well on track now. I can tell that he is not as

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high-spirited. He complains no more (about the study).” The new immigration wave in China in recent years also confirmed the concerns of the new elites in China over the Chinese education system. They view Canadian schools as a rescuing force that will save their children from monotonous drill training (Xiao, 2012).

In December, 2010, Chinese students made international headlines when Shanghai high school children outscored their counterparts on PISA, an international standardized test. ABC news interviewed six education experts to comment on this phenomenon. Most of the educators brushed this result aside as being insignificant. Yasheng Huang, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology said that the entire Chinese education system is geared toward that one goal -- taking [a] test (gaokao). That would be the equivalent of American students spending four or five years preparing for the GRE or SAT. Huang said, “In terms of imaginative talking, coming up with good ideas, taking risks, those are actually very weak.” Among all these criticizing voices of Chinese education, Shijing Xu, an education professor with the University of Windsor studying the sister school exchanges between China and Canada, expressed different opinions. She said that Chinese students got a better foundation in all subject areas at a young age. Specialized subject teachers -- one for math, one for science, one for language, and so on -- are present from the very beginning in Chinese schools. In the US, most public schools have one teacher that teaches all subjects until grades three or four (Pham, 2010).

My learning curve as regards to Chinese and Canadian school education may provide some clue in understanding the Chinese parents’ attitude towards Canadian school education. As I have mentioned before, the differences between the two systems are so

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distinct that one who has grown up within one system, can never fail to pick up these glaring signs. All the mothers have noticed that in Canada, the use of the textbooks was different from Chinese school. In Chinese schools, teachers teach according to the textbooks. There will be a working schedule for the entire grade, and all the teachers teaching the same subject were supposed to work on the same content of the textbook. For example, Mike’s class was studying Romeo and Juliet for the English course, which was a “ridiculous play” in his words, whose “twist of plot does not make sense at all”. His class worked on this play over the period of a few weeks. It’s hard to imagine a language teacher in China working on one play over an extended period of time, for in Chinese schools, the time was allocated evenly to each article in the textbook and the teacher cannot dwell on one piece of work even if they felt that the students could not appreciate the work in such a truncated way. The appreciation of the ideas and language of a literary work was replaced by class activities designed for the preparation of such test items as the paraphrasing of some expressions, the comparison of the usage of synonyms, and the generalization of the main theme. Students are asked to become very familiar with the contents of the textbook. For such subjects as English and Chinese language, history, geography, and political science, students are asked to memorize some of the contents word by word. With my experience in Chinese schools both as a student and a teacher, I agreed with the parents in their observation of the different roles textbooks play in Canadian and Chinese schools. I worked as a university teacher for six years. I taught English language to freshmen and sophomore students. At university level, textbooks still serve as the pivotal point of the teaching practice. As a teacher, I could choose materials from sources other than the textbook, but I still need to cover certain content in the textbook within a given period of time. The whole grade will sit in the final test, which draws its materials heavily from the textbook. Zhao (2009) has pointed out the limitation in such practice, “Using the same textbooks for all students

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leaves little room for exploring individual interests and accommodating different learning styles” (p. 95).

It’s understandable that for someone used to learning by the textbook, the lack of a textbook, or the casual use of textbook, may cause some anxiety and uncertainty. In China, the textbook has become a materialized symbol of the knowledge a student has acquired. It is tangible, and the parents can measure their children’s performance by referring to the textbook. No wonder when Hua and Meiping tried to help their children with their study, they would resort to the textbooks they brought from China. In China, a parent can easily keep apace with their children’s school work by following their textbook. Both Meiping and Yun complained that they could not pin down what their children were working on for a certain course if the children chose not to tell them. One reason is the language barrier, and the other reason is that “the teachers do not follow the textbook”. They found that the textbook was also different from what they were used to. Yun said,

As for her study, I don’t know what her school teaches her. It seems that right now they are teaching them how to write. But the instruction is quite general. I took a look at her book. It taught her how to write a certain type of article.

I want to use an example to illustrate the difference in Canadian and Chinese educational philosophy. For her English language class, Hua’s daughter was asked to bring an illustrated book, and share the story with her classmates. She chose a story entitled Weighing the Elephant (which was written by Ting-xing Ye and illustrated by Suzane Langlois) adapted from a Chinese traditional story. I happened to be at her house, when she was retelling the story. Both Hua and I had the same reaction, that’s adapted from a story in our textbook when we were in Grade 1. Also, we both agreed that this story in

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fact shows different educational philosophy and practice, and I think it will provide a good example for the topic under discussion. The title of the story that Hua and I learned in Grade 1 is also Weighing the Elephant. Contemporary China has a highly centralized educational system and under the rule of Ministry of Education, most schools at the same level adopt the same textbooks. There are only a few exceptions in some highly-developed metropolitan centres, where the municipal education commission enjoys the leeway of choosing their own textbooks. Generally speaking, teachers are left with little space as to the teaching materials they work with. I searched online for Grade 1 textbook for Chinese language lessons (it’s called Yu Wen in Chinese) and found that Weighing the Elephant is still included (Yu Wen, 2006, pp.88-90). Against this backdrop, it seems only natural that I felt strong ownership to the story. It’s part of my childhood memory and I was amazed how the story stayed in my mind although I never revisited it over all these years.

To better understand the writer’s point of view, we need to have some knowledge about her background. Ye was born in Shanghai in 1952. When she was 16, she was sent to a prison farm where she spent six years. Later, she majored in English literature in Peking University, the most prestigious university in China. Upon graduation, she worked as an interpreter for the Chinese government for several years. Ye came to Canada in 1987 and when she published this picture book in 1998, she had lived in Canada for a decade (http://www.orillia.org/williambell/page2/page5/tingxingye.html). For a Chinese Canadian writer who received her education in China and went through the horror and hardships of the Cultural Revolution, when she started writing in English by revisiting her own cultural memories and experiences in China, I believe this would be a process of rediscovery and reevaluation.

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The story in the picture book runs like this: It took place “long ago, in the green mountain of China” (Ye, 1998). The protagonist Hei-dou (which means black bean in Chinese) lived in a village. In the village a family of elephants helped the farmers with their work. The baby elephant Huan-huan (which means cheerful in Chinese) enjoyed playing with the village school children and at the end of a school day, he “fanned his ears and danced, with all the children singing and swirling around him” (Ye, 1998). Later the cruel emperor heard of the baby elephant and ordered that he be sent to the imperial court. Frightened, the baby elephant could barely move, let alone play tricks to entertain the royal family. The infuriated emperor decreed that the baby elephant “be heavily chained and sent far, far away” unless someone could tell how heavy the elephant is (Ye, 1998). Everybody knew that this was a trick by the emperor, and the villagers sent for reverent scholars to solve the riddle, but all in vain. Hei-dou was terribly upset and when he gazed sadly at his father’s fishing boat on the lake, an idea got into his mind. First, he guided the baby elephant onto the boat and marked the level of water along the side of the boat, then, leading away the elephant, he asked the villagers to carry rice bags onto the boat until the mark was level with the water again. This way they finally got the correct weight of the elephant by adding up the weights of all the rice bags. Thus Huan-huan was saved. The friendship between Hei-dou and Huan-huan is the central theme of the story and it is reaffirmed by the frontispiece which depicts Hei-dou embracing Huan-huan. The driving force for Hei-dou to solve this riddle is his love for the baby elephant.

The Chinese version that Hua and I had learned is told from a different angle: Cao Cao (the prime minister in Wei, who was the actual ruler of the kingdom) received an elephant as a diplomatic gift from the emperor of Kingdom Wu in the south (around AD200, China split up into three major kingdoms). Cao Cao asked his entourage of

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officials and generals for a way to weigh the elephant. Even the most knowledgeable and prestigious scholar failed in this task. Some suggested making a giant weighing scale with a tree, while others suggested cutting the elephant into pieces. Seven-year-old Cao Chong, the son of Cao Cao, came up with a solution, which is basically the same as in Hei-dou’s idea and the only difference is that the soldiers put stones instead of rice bags onto the boat. Juxtaposing the Chinese version with the rewriting by Ye, it becomes clear that in rewriting Ye developed many motifs that are blind spots in the original one. The Chinese version is obviously a story about a prodigy and it centres on the ingenious way of problem-solving. The elephant could be at best described as a prop for pulling off the magic. There is no interaction between Cao Chong and the elephant. There is even the suggestion from one of the officials that the elephant should be cut into pieces. The elephant was treated as a piece of disposable object, which has no value of its own. There is a shift in class relations in the stories too. The genius Cao Chong who is crowned with the glory of intellectual superiority was replaced in Ye’s version by a country boy. In the Chinese version, the problem-solving process highly amused and entertained the prime minister who took great pride in the talent of his young son. While in Ye’s version, the imperial court became the source of oppression. Ye also added some credible details as to how Hei-dou came up with the final solution. He sat at the lake, staring at his father’s fishing boat. We may well imagine that he already had some experience with buoyancy as a fisherman’s son.

After comparing the two versions carefully, I was impressed by the new touches Ye had added to the story and I believe that the way she chose to tell the story cannot be simply dismissed as an attempt to appeal to Western readers. With my newly aroused curiosity, I dug deeper into the origin of the story. It turned out that the text I had learned in Grade 1 was adapted from a story recorded in The Chronicles of the Three Kingdoms (Luo, 1953).

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The storyline is similar except that the original was written in old-style Chinese (the ancient form of Chinese language, whose vocabulary and grammar are different from modern Chinese language). Then I came across an article entitled “Buddhist Allusions in the Stories about Cao Chong and Hua Tuo in the Chronicles of the Three Kingdoms” by a well-known historian Chen Yinke (Chen, 1980, pp. 157-158), in which he challenged the authenticity of the story by citing historical evidence. When Cao Chong was five or six years old, that is, when he performed this intellectual feat as described in the Chinese version of the story, the emperor who sent the elephant as a gift hadn’t come into power yet. It just couldn’t have happened! Such a well-known Chinese story was in fact a fabrication by the scholar to pay homage to a royal member. Chen didn’t stop here, but tried to find out the origin of this story, since elephant is such an exotic creature for China at that time. As a scholar who mastered Sanskrit, he was familiar with Buddhist scriptures, where he found a similar story. The core of the story is also how to weigh an elephant. During the time when the Chronicles of the Three Kingdoms was written, this Buddhist story had already been translated into Chinese. The author might have learned this story and adapted it for his own purpose. My initial strong feeling of ownership towards the story was shaken and I started to appreciate the complex evolution process of culture and how it is intertwined with politics and economy and can never claim an existence on its own. This story has been well circulated in Chinese culture and in fact, in Chinese history of physics, many scientists cited this story as evidence that Chinese people have known about the principle of buoyancy for 1800 years.

I want to use the story to highlight some features of Chinese education system. As I have mentioned above, Weighing the Elephant is still part of the Chinese language textbook. I found many curriculum resource websites which contain lesson plans for this story, and the theme emphasized by the teachers is invariably the cleverness of the boy. Students

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are supposed to take Cao Chong as a role model and learn from his problem-solving skills. This reminds me of many of the children’s books I read when I was young. There is a series of stories about celebrated scientists and artists in Chinese history. Such books are called lianhuanhua in Chinese and their formats are quite similar to comic strips. The illustrations of the books are done by great contemporary Chinese artists and they worked painstakingly to make a historically accurate presentation of the characters. In such realistic portrayal, there is no catering to the taste of children. The illustration accompanying Cao Chong’s story in the textbook depicts the same attributes (See Fig. 3).

Figure 3. Weighing the elephant.

From the picture, one can tell that the artist carefully studied each detail and the picture itself could be a study of history: the hairstyle, the garments, the ornaments and

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accessories, the shoes, and the difference between military and civil officials in attire. Apart from the artistic realism, such stories always emphasize how hard-working these characters were, starting from a very early age. Reverence for knowledge and esteem for high wit can be found in Chinese educational tradition. Recently I heard such a remark from one of my friends in Toronto, who immigrated to Canada two years ago from China. She said that she was relieved that her son had already had five years’ schooling back in China, for this way he took learning more seriously. In other words, she questioned the local children’s attitude towards learning. As I have mentioned before, the mothers in my study also expressed concern over the relaxed attitude towards study in the local school, and gave their children extra homework. Viewed within this tradition, Weighing the Elephant reflects an educational ideal that lays great emphasis on intellectual superiority and academic success. In this sense, when Ye drew upon Chinese folklore for her literary creation, she might be engaged in critical reflection of her own cultural heritage. She also had to take into consideration how her story would translate into Canadian educational values.

The parents are constantly comparing and negotiating the education system in both counties, but this is a tricky situation. As Zhao (2009) has pointed out, “The quality of a person is difficult to describe in specific terms, but generally it is the total package of knowledge, ability, attitudes, perspectives, moral values, and ethical standards” (p. 72). These things can hardly be quantified, and how can one say that one education system is better than another one because it produces students with better quality. Ying said,

The teachers here do not require the students to do all the exercises in the textbook, and they will not check if you have done them. It’s up to you whether you do the exercises or not. But in China, the teachers will assign 20 or 40 exercise items for

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you, and you must finish them. If you cannot hand in the homework the next day, you will be punished by standing in front of the classroom.

She felt that such a relaxing attitude might be detrimental to those children who did not have strong self-control and strong interest in study itself. Since there is no penalty for not doing the homework, they would simply choose not to do them. If pushed, they have the potential of mastering those skills.

An article that appeared in the magazine Macleans caused controversy among Chinese community near the end of 2010. The article was entitled “The enrolment controversy: Worries that efforts in the US to limit enrolment of Asian students in top universities may migrate to Canada” (Findlay & Kohler, 2010). From the tone of the article, we can tell that there are some stereotypical beliefs about Chinese schools and students. In the article, a second-year college student who “looks like a girl from an Aritzia billboard” commented, “The only people from our school who went to U of T were Asian. All the white kids go to Queen’s, Western and McGill.” The interviewees in the article called some universities in Canada as “too Asian”, with University of Toronto as one of them. According to the article, “an ‘Asian’ school has come to mean one that is so academically focused that some students feel they can no longer compete or have fun.” Asian students seem to be more driven in their academic pursuit, while white students are more likely to “choose universities and build their school lives around social interaction, athletics and self-actualization—and, yes, alcohol.”

The article raised controversy and there has been heated discussion over the internet as to the potential racism that might lie underneath this phenomenon. What interests me the most in the article, is a phenomenon pointed out by a recently retired Ottawa-area

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guidance counsellor. She commented on the lack of social skills among Asian students, “The kids were getting 98 per cent but they didn’t have other skills. Their parents would come in and write in the resumé letters that they were in clubs. But the kids weren’t able to do anything in those clubs because they were academically focused.” This issue has always been one of the focuses in my research. Naturally, it came up in my conversations with my research participants. The parents’ attitude on this issue is quite similar. Hua was more vocal in her opinion,

I admit that if the kids did some part-time job in the restaurant, they would learn some useful lessons. But I don’t see that as absolutely necessary. If such work would affect their study, I think that is not worth it. For each stage in life there is priority. For students, their priority is study.

Ying said that when the children started working as a member of the society, they would pick up the social skills. Yun was worried that Mary spent too much time on extracurricular activities, “She joined the Cadet, studies Japanese, and did volunteer work at the organization for immigrants. She also went to her middle school and help the teachers there. I told her that her priority should be study. ” For me, such comments ring a bell and bring me back to my school days. “As students, your priority is study” is a sentence repeated by many of my teachers, and the school officials whenever a “problem” arises. Anxiety and stress unrelated to one’s study would be dismissed as fooling around. To use this slogan as an elixir for the angst experienced by an adolescent does not seem to be an effective solution. A student who seems to “deviate” from the course steered by teachers would be regarded as an “odd” one, and good students are supposed to distance themselves from such bad influence. Upon graduation from high school, standing on the campus, a classmate of mine, a girl of mild manners, said to me, “I will never come back to this place. Never, ever!” Oddly, I was not surprised by her

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remark at all. Three years of senior high school life, where feelings are supposed to lie dormant, and quests for knowledge beyond the boundary of the textbooks are dismissed as a waste of time, will no doubt leave students the impression of being imprisoned. I remembered several years ago, when a friend in Canada asked me to talk about my high school life, I had used such strong words to describe it, “It’s miserable. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

5.3 Chinese Math vs. Canadian Math When talking about the math exercises she gave her daughter, Hua used the term Chinese math. I asked her why she would say Chinese math. Doesn’t math have a universal language that transcends different cultures? Hua replied in the following words,

Their math is absolutely different from ours. The way of thinking is different. Their math emphasizes that, er, analyzing and solving problems. Ours lays more emphasis on that, er, the basic skills are better. For instance, in grade 3 they tried negative numbers. Suppose I deposited 10 dollars into the bank, then I withdrew 5 dollars, then another 5 dollars, then another 5 dollars. Now I had nothing left, what’s more, I owe the bank 5 dollars. So to speak, they connect math with practical matters. Another example, when they teach addition or multiplication, they would ask the students to calculate how to spend 5 dollars. It’s more like this, while our Chinese math is more about abstract concepts and computational skills.

Hua was also impressed by the fact that her daughter was already learning about shapes in math, “I think the introduction of shapes at an early age is very important. In China, we did shape analysis in high school.” Hua mentioned one strength of Chinese math, “I think Chinese math was very good brain training. In the end, what matters are not the formulas or patterns in math, but a repertoire of different approaches in facing a certain math problem. It’s like, how do you solve this math problem, will another way be

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better?”

Gu (2010) in a report comparing mathematics education of China and US called the US math curriculum as “a mile wide and an inch deep” (p. 23). Gu listed some characteristics of Chinese math curriculum,

th th The Chinese math textbooks had 90% new contents... From the 7 grade and 8 grade Chinese mathematics books, the content areas were continued from previous grade. Each concept built upon the next. Students were encouraged to move on. Chinese math concepts were taught to mastery. What had been taught was never re-taught and only revisited later. (p. 3)

The participants in my research all expressed concern over the content of math. Yun said that she found that some mathematical concepts were re-taught at different grades, but each time it was slightly touched and then let go. Her daughter still hadn’t mastered some of these concepts. That’s where she and her husband wanted to give her extra homework, so that she could master the concepts. Yun said, “She is already in high school, but she still has difficulty converting percents to fractions, and fractions to percents.” When I observed lessons in Toronto schools, once a science teacher was assigning a group project to the class, which involves getting percentage of numbers, and making graphs. In the process of talking about the project, the teacher found that the students still had not mastered the skill of calculating percentage, which meant that they could not continue with the task. As a result, she had to change her lesson plan to devote an entire lesson to this concept.

From my own experience in Toronto classrooms, I also felt that there was difference between the math education in the two systems. And when I observed different lessons, I

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noticed that in social arts classes, I basically followed the train of thoughts in English, while for math and science lessons, I would try to solve the problem in Chinese in my mind, and more often than not, I found my problem-solving pattern and procedure was different from what the teacher was discussing at that time. Zhao (2007) studied the heritage culture’s influence with a group of Chinese scientists and mathematicians who had lived in the US for 8-25 years. The participants argued that the holistic approach to the world in Chinese culture “actually helped them with a broader understanding of the world. They rejected the simplistic and ethnocentric assumption that an analytic approach is scientific and is the way to conduct math and science, and that a holistic approach is non-scientific and may encumber scientific pursuit” (p. 479). And these Chinese scientists and mathematicians believed that “their cultural heritage has provided them with a deep appreciation of artistic aspects of the world and an intuitive approach to it and that such an approach is part of their cultural advantage in studying science” (p. 480). One Chinese mathematician reflected upon the paradoxical feature of the holistic approach in Chinese culture,

Mo Tzu [a contemporary of Confucius] developed a big theory called the debate of theoretic logical reasoning. His whole book developed many concrete examples, using one logically developed after another one, but not with a systematic structure. All those parts are actually the infancy of mathematical reasoning. It’s very important in the mathematical foundation. But after that, no Chinese person ever further developed it into such a science. They just have all these examples, all the ways to explain, but they cannot collect them into a proposition, theory, hypothesis like the Greeks gave us. (p. 481)

The contrast between the two kinds of math makes the parents want their children to have the best of both cultures. Hua said that the ideal scenario would be the combination of the emphasis on basic computational skills, abstract concepts, and the ability to solve practical problems.

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5.4 Moral Education Over the past two years, weibo (micro-blogging), a Chinese version of Twitter has swept through the internet in China. It has become the dominant way of publishing one’s opinions and communicating with friends. One of the hottest topics under discussion would be education. Immediately after Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother gained publicity in the US, it became a hot topic over weibo. Recently a seven-year-old boy became a focus of the weibo world. He was the president of Young Pioneers in Wuhan city, a major metropolitan centre in China. The photos he posted on his blog showed a boy with the demeanour of a high-ranking party leader, like a wax figure deprived of the high-spirited facial expressions typical of a seven-year-old. It is reported that he reads People’s Daily (a propaganda newspaper of China’s communist party) every day. There was an uproar over an education system that produced a child who did not behave his age. The boy’s photo was posted all over the internet. This story raised a question in my mind: How does a Canadian school carry on with their moral education? And I realized that I knew nothing about it, and when I asked the same question to the mothers in my research, their answers were the same as mine, “I have no idea”.

Parents in mainland China know what kind of moral teachings their children were receiving, and they could make efforts either to strengthen or undermine those disciplines and teachings by providing their children with their street-smart arguments and observations. But immigrant parents in my study were lost as to what kind of values their children were taught as far as moral education and civil education are concerned, and under such circumstances, it was hard for the parents and children to have a dialogue over some basic beliefs and principles in life. Yun said, “Sometimes I talked in length over an issue. Then she might hear some other views on the same matter from

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school, and would challenge me. Even I became confused.” For the children, another source of the North American culture was TV. From my observation, the mothers in my research did not watch the hit shows or cartoons on TV because the language was hard to understand and they did not have much leisure time. All the children that I talked with liked to watch The Simpsons, Family Guy, and South Park, three very popular American cartoon series. I have watched them, and liked the satire in them. But in my opinion, some of the contents were very controversial and the language could be offensive. I was left wondering if it was acceptable to expose a ten-year-old to such contents, without any parental guidance. The children in these families also liked to watch such hit shows as Friends, Two and a Half Men, and Everybody Hates Chris. But their parents never joined them in watching these shows. Meiping said that she encouraged Mike to watch TV, since it would help improve his English. And cartoons were for children, so how could it be harmful in any way? The other mothers held similar opinion. This formed an interesting contrast with the parents in China.

In recent years, there was a popular children’s cartoon on Chinese Central Television entitled Red Cat and Blue Rabbit (He & Wang, 2006). It tells the story of a cat and a rabbit, who fight against the evil forces and become Kung Fu masters in the process. It emphasizes such themes as bravery, friendship, and perseverance. It became an instant hit with the children. But soon there was strong protest from the parents who thought that the cartoon contained too much violence and blood. I took a look at it. It paled against the mock Itchy and Scratchy series depicted in the Simpsons. Under pressure from the parents, the TV station stopped broadcasting the above-mentioned cartoon series. Last summer, Shrek 4 was shown in Chinese movie theatres. My younger sister asked my opinion first before she allowed my niece to watch it. She specifically asked me if there were scenes that might cause unpleasant feelings in a child. I don’t agree with the over-protective

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attitude shown by parents in China, but I do feel that immigrant Chinese parents’ relaxed attitude towards the TV programs their children watched was not an informed decision. They did not interfere because they could not understand the content, not because they approved of it. Yun said that Mary told her that all her classmates watched these shows. If she did not, she would have no common topics to talk with them. So Yun gave in, and let Mary watch the shows that she chose. But she would set a time limit on how much time she could spend watching TV.

Usually differences in opinions between parents and children would not be tested if no events in daily life triggered off direct confrontation between the two value systems. But sometimes a controversial event would highlight the gap in beliefs. According to a report from The National Post, recently some controversy arose between Burnaby parents and the school board over a policy drafted by the school board. The policy was drafted to support students and staff who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-gendered, transsexual, two-spirited or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity (LGBTQ). The policy encouraged teachers to insert LGBTQ topics into the curriculum, instituted a zero-tolerance approach to anti-gay language, identify a specific contact for LGBTQ students in elementary and secondary schools, and encourage gay-straight alliance clubs in secondary schools and diversity clubs for Grades 4-7. In April, 2011, about 100 parents packed a Burnaby board of education meeting to protest against the policy. It was noted in the report that most of the parents were of Asian descent. A Chinese parent Heather Leung said, “This policy places far too much importance and emphasis on an issue that impacts a few. What is being recommended in this draft is a deliberate and systemic strategy to indoctrinate our children with a controversial moral teaching that should be left for families to decide on and wrestle through.” On behalf of the parents, Leung demanded that the policy and public hearing minutes be translated into different languages, that the

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district hold a public hearing with translators, and that Burnaby parents be allowed to vote on the policy. A poster announcing the rally against the policy suggests “a section of the policy amounts to bullying of children from families with traditional views about family, marriage and sex” (Steffenhagen, 2011).

The reason that I cited the above event was to demonstrate one of the sensitive spots around which there might be much controversy and miscommunication between schools and Chinese parents. In Chinese society, LGBTQ issues are kept quiet, and the protection of the rights of this group of people is not part of the official language. During my 30 something years of lived experience in mainland China (from 1994 to 2004, I lived in Shanghai, one of the most modern cities in China), I never met one single person who was openly gay. My knowledge of LGBTQ people came from literature and movies. As a result, many Chinese parents have little knowledge or understanding of such issues and would rather leave them untouched. The mothers felt the difference between the school in China and the local school in their treatment of some sensitive issues, especially issues that involve social equity. Yun mentioned the following exchange of words between her daughter and son,

The other day, I asked Dave. I said when you grew up, what kind of wife do you want? My son had no idea. And my daughter said, Dave, do you know that women could marry women, and men could marry men? You see, she starts to brainwash him. So I feel that in China many things are swept under the carpet, and here many things are over-discussed.

In one of our conversations, Yun said that she could not imagine how she might react to a situation where her daughter declared herself as lesbian. Such conflict cannot be resolved in one meeting or hearing and there needs to be a learning process for the parents and the schools as well. The schools need to learn more about the home culture

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of their students’, and the parents need to learn to respect people of different beliefs, religion, and life style. In many cases, fear and mistrust originate from ignorance. For immigrant parents, because of the lack of social support, and social networking, as compared with their previous life in China, many resort to the traditional Chinese values and norms as guidelines for the education of their children. It seems safer than entering uncharted territory. As suggested by the parents in the above example, maybe the schools and the board can try to translate their policies into different languages, and have discussions with parents of different ethnic groups. Otherwise, the parents might feel that they are taken by surprise, and react in a rather hostile manner. In other words, the parents are not prepared yet to address the issue head-on with the wishful thinking that if left unstirred, it will never become an issue. This attitude echoes an old Chinese saying, “Ask questions about matters that you know. Don’t ask questions about matters that you don’t know. New knowledge might cause you pain and confusion.” Meiping also mentioned that the different values between school and home sometimes caused tension between Mike and her, “Sometimes when I asked him to do something in a certain way, he would say, My teacher did not teach me that way. He would argue with me, but it’s not serious. In the end, he would listen to me. I guess it’s because he hasn’t been here for a long time.” From the last sentence, we can tell that Meiping also foresee more conflicts as Mike become more and more accustomed to his school life. And those conflicts might not be resolved simply by Mike listening to her. This again reveals the mothers’ complex attitude towards the cultural differences. While they are pleased by the diversity of ideas that their children are now exposed to, they are worried that maybe the children know too much for their age to come to a sensible judgement. Beneath some of the seemingly trivial domestic disputes, there lies the fact that the foundations for many of the mothers’ beliefs come from the cultural and social influences in mainland China. Cultural differences need to undergo constant negotiation and renegotiation. The parents need to

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become border crossers to better understand their children’s school experience.

What frustrated the mothers the most is when they lectured their children about their future, the importance of a decent job, and a comfortable home, and on how these can not be realized unless they work hard on their study, they often get such a response from their children, “Whatever, I don’t care.” Yun said that even her five-year-old son had learned to say this sentence. She did not even know where to begin with the lecture on social responsibility. No matter how persistent the parents were in lecturing their children on the importance of hard work and real efforts, and on how this was all for their own good, they were met with this flat rebuttal, ‘Whatever, I don’t care’. The mothers asked, “Where does this attitude come from?” The more pressing question is, how can one compete with this attitude? In Chinese education, moral education is greatly emphasized. And the traditional way of carrying out moral education is by repeating the moral principles time and again in the hope that such principles will get engraved in the children’s minds. It may take up the forms of stories of exemplary virtuous people in history. But when everything the parents say is met with ‘I don’t care’, the parents were at a real loss as to where to lay the foundation work for mutual understanding. Both Hua and Yun said to me, “When they say ‘I don’t care’, what can you do? You cannot beat them. This is not China.” Again the importance of context displays itself. In the native environment, Chinese parents lecture their children on the importance of a university education, and their children also knew clearly in their minds that with the fierce competition in Chinese society, if one does not work hard, the possibility of leading a decent life is slim. The children also knew clearly how demanding the college entrance exam was, and the slackening of efforts would directly jeopardize one’s chance of getting into a university, which in turn jeopardize one’s future chance of landing on a good job. What’s more, the emphasis on filial piety in Chinese

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society does not prepare the immigrant parents for such a disrespectful attitude as ‘I don’t care’. For the parents, leaving the comfort zone of the parenting practice that they were familiar with, they did not know how to appeal to their children’s emotions and interests. The challenges that these parents were faced with are quite typical of their generations’ experience.

One important Chinese traditional value upheld by the mothers was “being responsible and fulfilling one’s obligations (fu ze ren),” but it is very hard for the parents to find the best way to convey this belief to their children. It is hard to translate the principle into the context of their children’s living experience in school. For the parents, such principles were indoctrinated into their minds through their parents’ teaching and their school education, and it was the combined product of Chinese traditional value and the mainstream propaganda of the communist ideals, which extols the sacrifice of personal interests for the benefit of the country, and its people. These principles have been ingrained in the parents’ minds in such a way that they take it as a matter-of-fact. If challenged by the children with questions like “Why should I be responsible and fulfil my obligations? Who set the rules about those obligations? Why should I be responsible for myself, our family, and the society?” the parents were at a loss. Their only response was, you have to be responsible because you should.

According to a study of a small group of mothers of Chinese immigrant adolescents conducted by Gorman (1998), the mothers were very mindful of what kind of friends that their children made. They did not want their children to make “bad friends”, and they “seemed to share the same definition of “bad friends” -- youths who did not do well in school, who were from broken homes, who were disrespectful, or who were engaged in negative activities, such as taking drugs. The mothers made specific rules regarding

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time spent away from home out of safety concerns, “with half of the mothers asking their children to come home directly from school or a previously approved after school activity, or to call if they were going to be late” (p. 75). It was the same with the mothers in my research. They all expressed concerns about their children becoming involved with ‘bad friends’. They would encourage their children to make friends with classmates who were good students -- good in the sense that they were diligent, respectful, and go home directly after school. From the above definition, one can tell that the standard for good or bad friend is based on the parents’ personal preference. In Gorman’s study, one mother stated clearly to her children, “You are now in America and you have to be aware of which people in your school are good. You have to look at their personality and demeanour. If it’s not good, then don’t have relations with them . . . If your relations affect your studies, don’t spend too much energy trying to be their friend” (p. 76).

But when their children made ‘good’ friends in accordance with their standard, the parents would encourage the development of such friendship. The mothers did not object to their children making friends from other ethnic groups as long as they were “good.” But in fact, as I have mentioned before, their children all prefer to have Chinese friends. The mothers would welcome the opportunity to hold parties for their children and their friends. Meiping and her husband even changed housing so that Mike could bring friends home. Hua also encouraged her daughter to invite friends home for birthday party. This provides another example for the social networking theory in Chinese culture that values one’s relationship with others more than the individual. Having friends that are academically successful reflects upon your own academic merit.

Lives in Canada made the mothers realize that many of the coveted characteristics of Western society come with a price. The mothers all talked about how they wanted their

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children to have a fun childhood instead of being burdened with loads of homework. The way of putting down the difference between Canadian and Chinese schools as fun and no fun oversimplifies the sophisticated ways that the two school systems function, and the different philosophies behind them. The dominant philosophy in Canadian schools is closely linked with the ideals of democracy, and emphasizes student-centered education and a respect for individual differences among students; while in Chinese schools, academic excellence is undoubtedly placed in the primary position. As far as civic education is concerned, students in China are indoctrinated in communism ideology, which lays great emphasis on individual’s responsibility and dedication to the Party, the government, and the people. Such teachings are in line with the traditional Confucianism which also emphasizes individual’s responsibilities and absolute loyalty to the emperor and his people. As the guiding force in the two school systems, the different philosophy will define every aspect of the school life, and it is by no means as simple as the distinction between fun and no fun.

5.5 Parental Expectation Li’s (2004) research on Chinese immigrant parents’ expectation of their children found that “As a tradition, the parents emphasize the importance of school achievement and moral character. In response to their life disadvantages in Canada, the parents rely on science-related career aspirations and cultural integration to help optimize their children’s future” (p. 167). Hua’s daughter is now in fourth grade, and Hua encouraged her to become a scientist, a doctor, or a mathematician. From my observation of Chinese immigrant families in Toronto, I also find that science-related careers are parents’ top choice, but they are also very practical and flexible in this matter based on their assessment of their children’s academic ability. When it comes to such issues as course selection, and future career choice, the parents’ lack of knowledge of the local school

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system has put some strain over the relationship between the parents and the children. When Yun’s daughter Mary was in 10th grade, she was faced with the big decision of course selection in 11th grade. Yun and her husband were very anxious that she should make the right decision and have a good prospect for university education. Mary does not like the intervention from her parents and said to them, “What do you know? I know more about school than you are”. Yun and her husband knew that there was truth in her statement, but still they were bothered by the fear that Mary’s lack of experience might cost her dearly in a crucial decision in her life. Yun and her husband asked Mary what kind of career she had in mind for her future. Mary said that she had no idea, but she liked manga, and if she could draw manga for a living, that would be fun. Her parents immediately vetoed this option. Yun told me of her reasoning, “I know she likes manga, but that’s merely scribbling. She has never received any training in drawing and fine art”. Yun and her husband wanted Mary to become a teacher, “It’s a suitable profession for girls. And she will have long vacations. It’s not that we are forcing her to become a teacher in the future, but she has no clue. She thinks it’s vulgar to talk about money, but wait till she has to support herself”. When I talked with Mary, she had her concern about becoming a teacher, “The only one that makes sense to me is teaching, but the thing about teaching is I don’t get along well with kids.”

Yun asked me for help, “You are a PhD student in education and you must know”. It was at that moment that the depth of the frustration suffered by the immigrant parents struck home to me. The fact is that I had little idea how the system works either because this issue has not been a focus of my study and research in Canada. I immediately contacted my classmates at OISE, who were high school teachers in Toronto, and started to learn about this issue. I checked on the website of the Ministry of Education to learn about the requirements for the Ontario Secondary School Diploma, and also looked for

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information on the college recruitment process. Whatever I have learned, I told Yun. Yun made every effort in her power to gain more information on this issue. Besides soliciting my help, she did her own investigation, which she called the “grand workplace interview”. She put the question of how to select courses in the 11th grade to all her colleagues that she could engage a conversation with, and was greatly surprised by what she learned from these graduates from Canadian universities,

I don’t know what is the problem. I think it is different values. They all said that I should not interfere. Er, they said that I should let Mary choose for herself. They asked me what she liked. I said painting. They said, ‘Well, let her pursue it’. I said, ‘Can she feed her mouth by painting?’ I am all confused. I also suggested to Mary that she become a social worker in the future. Now I am thinking, if she does not like it, I would be the one to blame.

My efforts to get to know the course selection process in the last two years of high school and its impact on the students’ university application helped me better understand some of the parents’ views on their children’s education. In one social gathering that I attended, some Chinese parents happened to talk about this issue. I noticed the attitude of gaining credit for credit’s sake. One mother said that her son has passed the test for level 8 in playing violin, “I told him to quit practicing. He has gained one credit for this, and there is no need to waste any more time on it”. Another prevalent feeling is the stigma attached to colleges. Chinese parents’ interpretation of streaming in the local high school reveals that they are trying to understand the local practices by translating them into Chinese terms. Hua’s daughter is in Grade 4 and she does not have first-hand knowledge of the streaming practice in high school yet, but she has already gained some initial impression from other Chinese parents,

One of my friends told me that at high school, they will also have a “fast” class and a “slow” class. And students in the “fast” class will work hard, and harder. And a

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group of good kids will study together. While the kids in the “slow” class will learn something like training, or they will go to college, or they just drop off. There is no way to catch up.

Meiping also made it very clear that Mike has to go to a university. College is unacceptable. From this, we can see again the stigma attached to applied courses or colleges in Chinese immigrant parents’ eyes. In the case of Yun and her husband, this is also the case. They viewed it as disastrous if Mary failed to be admitted by a university. Any deviation from the “norm” (that is, to graduate in the 12th grade and get admitted by a first-rate university) would upset the parents. Staying for an extra year at high school, or getting enrolled in a college seems something unimaginable to the parents and a serious devaluation of their immigration experience.

Later when the new term started, Mary’s interest changed. She selected a course in life science, and was fascinated by its contents. She decided that she wanted to become a forensic expert. To be qualified for this major, she had to demonstrate strong skills in math, but that was one subject that she was struggling with. As I have mentioned before, her mother thought that she hadn’t mastered some basic concepts and skills in math. Yun and her husband felt that this was a mission impossible and tried to dissuade her from pursuing this goal. Mary had a solid average of 80 plus with other subjects. In her parents’ estimation, if she chose to major in a field that did not have high requirement for math, there was a good chance that she would be admitted to a first-rate university. Yun told me in a helpless tone, “She said that life science was her passion. I guess she won’t give up before she hit the wall. Problem is, when she realizes that she cannot qualify for this major in the 12th grade, she has already spent too much energy and time on math. She is not as prepared for other majors”. Such an argument from her parents could not convince Mary. She said that she should at least try for something she felt passionate about. In the

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meanwhile, Yun did not want to push too hard. She was afraid that she would get blamed for any failure in her future study if Mary followed their advice. She had a friend whose daughter could not graduate from university after 8 years. That girl followed her parents’ advice and studied a major in which she had no interest. She was admitted to a first-rate university, but failed one course after another. The parents and the girl felt the great pressure, and the girl blamed her parents for choosing that major for her. Yun felt that she should take the lesson from her friend. They hired a math tutor for Mary. She made progress, but still there was a great gap between her mark and the requirement for that major.

In the meanwhile, the changed living environment, and the academic performance of their children also gave the parents second thoughts on the issue of career choice, and they would consider jobs that would not score high on their career choice for their children if they were in mainland China. Some researchers argue that the minority immigrant status increases parents’ expectations of their children (Chun, 1995; Hao & Bonstead-Bruns, 1998). In the case of my research participants, a determining factor in parents’ expectation is their children’s school marks. To learn about the parents’ expectation of their children will help us understand their view on their life as an immigrant and the inner struggle that they go through in order to come to terms with the current situation. It is true that many Chinese immigrant parents want their children to go into science related fields when it comes to career choice. Li (2004) commented on this phenomenon, “With the fear of racism, the parents wisely guide their children to pursue a profession in science and technological fields where presumably exist less intangible racial barriers because the employment and evaluation is mainly based on technical skills” (p. 180). As a tutor who has the opportunity to get acquainted with many Chinese immigrant parents, Meiping noted the following differences in her

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tutoring experience,

Most of the parents only hope that this subject, ur, the children will learn a skill, which will help him/her in the study of math, er, or chemistry and physics. Ur, it will be helpful to have drawing skills. While in mainland China, the purpose of joining in such programs is to let the children have one more hobby. It does not occur to the parents how helpful this will be for the children’s academic study.

With this difference in attitude, the energy and time invested in the art class also differ greatly. Meiping compared her students at Toronto with those she had when she was in mainland China,

I feel that the kids I taught in China, I feel that they made rapid progress, while the kids here, every time the works they produced was just a wrap of wrinkled paper, everything was a mess. And the tip of the ink brush was nowhere to be found. And the colours were missing, ‘cause the parents, I found that he/she didn’t have time to take care of such things, ‘cause the parents, I feel each time she came over, she was exhausted. After she cooked dinner, she did not want to do anything anymore. If she could supervise the child with his/her schoolwork, that would be good. It’s impossible for her to spend more time going over the drawing lesson.

It seems that the parents’ attitude towards extracurricular activities and their input in their children’s education are also undergoing changes when the efforts to sustain the family financially have higher physical demands on them than their previous job in mainland China. There has been considerable research on the employment prospects of skilled immigrants in Canada, and the findings are discouraging. Many suffer unemployment or low waged jobs in Canada (Basran & Zong, 1999; Chard, Badets, & Howatson-Leo, 2000; Li, 2000; Tang, 1993). Immigrants with foreign degrees who used to have the administrative position of managers had to become lower status white or blue collar workers (Chard et al., 2000; Shea, 1994; Williams, Domnick, & Vayda, 1998; Salaff & Greve, 2006). This finding rang true with my research participants. The reality

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affected the parents’ expectation of their children. Yun views the future career choice for her children in a new light,

When we were in China, if you were looking for future spouse or some other things, there is the belief of “The pursuit of knowledge is superior to all other walks of life”, but it’s different here. Ur, if you have a college degree, or if you can be a repair mechanic, a plumber, you can also have a comfortable life. I think there is a difference in the values. What I am thinking now is that it doesn’t matter whether they are good at school. It’s OK if they have average scores as long as they can make a living upon graduation. I think that Chinese have some bad notion, and I realized this only after I came here. I mean the issue of schooling. The saying that “the pursuit of knowledge is superior to all other walks of life”. It is not so. Only when you come abroad, do you realize that one person has a variety of abilities, while we Chinese use one sole standard to measure them. That is, this person is good at study. Good at study means everything is good. He can be admitted by a university with the award of scholarship. It’s not so. This person might be excellent at his studies, but upon graduation, because of his/her mental health or some other reasons, he/she cannot make a living.

Yun refers to some real-life instances when she talks about straight A students who cannot well fit into the society. Around the time of my research, several incidents involving Chinese born scholars who obtained PhD degrees in prestigious universities in the US captured the attention of Chinese media, both in mainland China and among the overseas Chinese. One of the scholars committed suicide, leaving behind him a three-year-old daughter and a young wife. The scholar has just moved back to China and become a faculty member of a top university. It is reported that the young scholar chose to end his life because the school authorities did not fulfil their promise towards him (Xiong, 2009). In my conversation with Meiping, she also mentioned similar stories, and how such incidents reminded her of the importance of mental health,

In recent years, there are so many excellent (scholars), ur, who do not enjoy mental health. Faced with a little setback, the man who came back from abroad jumped off

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the building. Why did he jump off the building? Compared with other people in mainland China, you are much better off. You can be a lecturer at Zhejiang University. If you cannot become Associate Professor as soon as you expected, so what? So I think mental health is the key. As to how much knowledge the kid can master, it depends on his/her abilities. But if he/she does not have mental health, what’s the point of gaining a lot of knowledge?

The above reflections by both Yun and Meiping illustrate how the pressures and struggles of adjusting to a new life provide them with alternative views on the meaning of life and happiness other than those that have been entrenched in their beliefs when they were living in mainland China. It also reveals a subtle change in people’s attitude towards overseas Chinese. In the last century, people who immigrated to such countries as the US and Canada, used to be the objects of envy and admiration, and the hardships they had to face in establishing themselves in the new country were redeemed by the fact that they were better off than before financially. And those students who managed to obtain post-secondary degrees in North American universities, if they chose to go back to mainland China, usually landed on the most envious job in their field. But in recent years, with the development of the economy in mainland China, elite status is no longer attached to overseas Chinese, which becomes the source of great sense of loss among this group of people.

Ying attributed the change in her attitude towards her son’s study to the differences between the two educational systems,

He can go to school. That is to say, no matter how old he is, in his 30s, 40s, or even 50s, and 60s, as long as he wants to, he can go to school again. What’s more, if his scores in high school were not good, he could retake those courses. He could, if his scores were not high enough, he could go to college. After taking courses in college, he might transfer to a university, right? Once in the university, for instance, if I was not satisfied with this university, I worked hard and gained A+ in my courses. Then I

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could transfer to U of T or Waterloo. That is to say, it’s not like in China, one has no way out if one is not good at studies. There will be no way. No alternative. While here, if you want to go to school, there will always be the opportunity. Well, because of this possibility, parents’ attitudes also changed, and won’t be so strict with the kids.

As I have mentioned before, the parents adjusted their expectations according to their children’s estimated ability and performance at school. Hua’s daughter is a top student in her grade, and she wanted her to become a doctor, or a scientist. Hua pointed out why it is crucial for Chinese immigrant parents to invest more energy in their children’s study,

It is too relaxing at the elementary and junior high school in Toronto. Too relaxing, but kids who come from China easily fit in the environment, because to them this is a welcome change from tightness to relaxation. So if your kids go to the Canadian schools, you have to make even more efforts in helping them at home. I think if you want him/her to be somebody, not to say being excellent, but having a bright future, you cannot relax at home.

5.6 Parental Involvement with School Constantino and Faltis (1995) found in their study that language barrier is the major reason for the lack of communication of recent Chinese immigrants with their children’s school; and another barrier is the difference between their native culture and the host culture. According to Dyson (2001), “In practice, Chinese immigrant parents communicate less frequently with schools, have difficulty understanding the communication, and are less informed about school programs such as multicultural education” (p. 457). The mothers in my study all received school education in China and they were deeply influenced by traditional Chinese educational philosophies. There is a saying in China about the role of educators by a great scholar Han Yu from Tang dynasty, “The duties of educators are to teach the Way, pass on the knowledge and clear the

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doubts” (Han, 1980, p.61). This approach positions the students as the receivers of knowledge without much liberty as to what to learn and how to learn. Such educational beliefs influenced the parents’ view and judgement of their children’s school life in Toronto, while in the meantime these beliefs also underwent changes since new circumstances brought about new challenges.

According to Dyson’s (2001) research on home-school communication, “the Caucasian parents devoted much more of their communication to the school’s public events and welfare (e.g., sports events, school concerts, and fundraising such as bake sales) or a combination of their children’s academic progress and the school’s public and social events” (p. 464). As a contrast, “most Chinese parents communicated solely about their children’s academic progress to determine what extra academic support to provide at home” (p. 463). The mothers in my study all said that they were not used to the ways of parental involvement in Canada such as volunteering, and fund-raising. First of all, they had a very busy schedule, and could hardly find any spare time. Another reason for lack of involvement in such activities was that most of the volunteering work would require certain level of English proficiency, and they did not feel confident enough to participate in such work. “Losing face” in front of the school community would be a great embarrassment for their children. In fact, when the mothers talked about their experiences in China, I could safely come to the conclusion that all four mothers were not afraid to take initiatives for upward mobility in their career. It also required great courage to make the decision to immigrate to another country. When they were in mainland China, they all had a job that safely landed them in the category of middle-class. It seemed that the barrier of English language and culture eroded their confidence in their abilities, and in many cases, they assumed a passive attitude. I think another important reason for the mothers’ lack of involvement in school activities might

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be that in Chinese society, volunteering is still a novel idea. For the generations who were born in the 1980s and 1990s, they would be more familiar with such a concept, as with the development of the economy and the accumulation of wealth, fund-raising and volunteer work gradually became popular and important in social life. When I grew up in China, volunteering was still a political term, which meant that the persons were making sacrifices for the cause of the government and the communist party. It was more of a gesture to show one’s loyalty to the party than real voluntary actions.

Ying thus commented on the teacher-parent relation in China,

The head teacher of my son’s class could be reached any time of the week, no matter if it was day or night, or Weekends. I could make the phone call whenever I liked. It was like a hotline. Also, if you often called the head teacher, he/she would initiate a call to tell you how your child performed in school today. He/she would take your attitude as a sign that you really support your child in his study. The teachers like this kind of parents.

As a tradition in Chinese schools, parent-school interaction always centred around the students’ academic performance. Both Meiping and Ying said that when they were in China, they would ask their children’s class teacher to be stricter with their children. I asked several friends of mine who were elementary and high school teachers in different cities of China (I obtained my Bachelor’s degree from a Normal University, and had many teacher friends who taught at different levels), and they told me that a typical parent meeting would be held by the end of a semester. The parents were invited into their children’s classroom at after-school hours. The parents would be asked to sit at their child’s seat. The teacher would announce the names of the top ten and the bottom ten students. Parents of the top ten students would be flattered and congratulated on by the teacher and other parents, while the parents of the bottom ten students tasted the

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humiliation and awkwardness of the moment. In many cases, the latter group of parents would go home and give their children a good scolding, while the parents of the top ten students would have even higher requirements for their children’s study so that they would retain their top ranking, or even move higher. When she recalled experience of such parent meeting, Ying still expressed great discomfort. From the above example, one could tell that in China, in parent-teacher interaction, both sides took academic performance as the only focus, and parents expected to hear very blunt comments from the teachers.

All the mothers in my study did not contact their children’s schools as frequently as they would do in China. When they cited the language barrier as one of the major reasons for this lack of communication, I mentioned to them that actually many schools would arrange a translator if they made the request. They all knew about the service, but felt uncomfortable to have a stranger present during the conversations because sometimes they wanted to talk about some personal concerns over their children’s academic performance and well-being. That’s why for parent meetings, they preferred to ask their own friends with better English proficiency to act as translators for them. Also, in Meiping’s words, there were too many immigrant parents who needed the translation service, but there were not enough translators. I once received an emergency call from Meiping on such an occasion. The friend who often made phone calls to the teachers, and went to parent meetings with her was not available for this particular parent meeting. Unfortunately, I was not available for that time period. I could sense her anxiety at the other end of the telephone, and recommended to her another friend. This example showed that a little thing as going to a meeting with teachers could pose some difficulties to the parents. They valued such opportunities to communicate directly with the teachers, and wanted to gain information and exchange ideas with the teachers to the best effect. But

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for the mothers, the few occasions when they did have face-to-face conversations with the teachers, were not very rewarding. As Liang (1975) pointed out, one essential quality to survive in Chinese society was the ability to detect the implied and underlying meaning of conversations, which was the by-product of convoluted interpersonal relationships. In order to incite as many ripples as possible, one has to equip oneself with detailed knowledge of signs, innuendos, and possible connections that exist between different people. Tung (2000) has made such an observation, “Generally speaking, the level of context, or shared experience, is much higher in an interdependent culture than in an individualistic one. This is one reason why Asians usually do not value or trust verbal communication. It is the action, or behavior, that counts” (p. 45). There is a saying in Chinese culture, “In a conversation, do not listen merely to the words, but also pay attention to the tones, and moods contained in the voice.” I remembered in my family there was always a lot of guesswork going on. We tended to communicate our feelings by gestures, glances and actions. Over the years, I have learned to judge my mother’s intentions, and feelings from the slightest motion of her face or body. If sometimes I failed to pick up such hints, my mother would take it as a deliberate rebuttal. The complicated process of guessing, guessing back and second guessing expends a lot of energy and time, yet failing to pick up this strategy is socially disadvantageous and one would not be regarded as being “one of us”, which is an unenviable situation in an interdependent society.

Expecting to read deeper meaning from the teachers’ words, Ying expressed disappointed feelings in her communication with her son’s teachers,

I feel that the parent-teacher meeting here also protects privacy. That is to say, it is one-on-one. Er, from the teachers’ words, I feel that I cannot gain much information. Er, everything is good. When I read the report card, I think the local people can

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understand the meaning underlying the words. But I cannot. Sometimes the teachers used such words as ‘extremely’, ur, ‘strong’, ‘proud of you’, but I was thinking, how come getting 60 or 70 in the test be described so. Then how about those who get 90 in the tests? But I think ‘extremely’ is like very, very, very, very, very… I think if a teacher would say, if back in China to say ‘proud of you’, at least this person is top one student, who gains fame for the class.

Ying said that her son’s teachers in China would openly tell her the weak points in her son’s study, and give her suggestions as to how to help him improve in the future. The suggestions can be as specific as a list of exercise books, which the teachers want the student to work on in their spare time. Parents were expected to supervise their children on such extra-homework, and they embraced such opportunities since they feel that they could be of use to the improvement of their children’s performance at school. Yun also had her take on the parent-teacher relationship, and she felt that there were two different attitudes among the teachers,

Some teachers are responsible, and would say, ur, this is the homework, ur, do it together with your daughter. Teachers, ur, another kind of teachers were like, this is my responsibility, but she won’t do it, but you shouldn’t do it either. You are the mom, you should take a rest. You have been to work all day.

It’s worth noting that Yun regarded the teachers who would ask her to help her daughter out in her homework as “responsible”, and this tells much about her view on the role and responsibilities of teachers.

Meiping said that she wanted to communicate more with the teachers, but she couldn’t due to her English proficiency,

Each time when the teacher contacted me, I would ask for the phone number. And then my friend would make the phone call for me. Now I feel that the language has caused great inconvenience in our life. For example, I have no way to learn about

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my son’s performance at school. I could only wait until the school report. Ur, last time, I brought a friend to attend the parent-teacher meeting. Er, the teachers communicated with her as to what we parents should do. But the teachers are different from the teachers in China. They seem to be more positive and encouraging, ur, so that you won’t feel great pressure.

Some of the communicative difficulties were caused by the different understanding and expectation of teachers’ role in the two cultures. Last year, I acted as a translator for a lecture given by a veteran Canadian educational consultant to a group of visiting Chinese teachers. The Canadian educational expert talked about Ontario’s pre-service teacher education, and how ethical standards were deemed as essential for effective teaching and learning experience (http://www.oct.ca/standards/ethical_standards.aspx?lang=en-CA). He mentioned that in local schools, it was greatly emphasized that teachers should maintain a distance from students, and new teachers knew what would be deemed as inappropriate behaviour in their relationship with the students. When I heard about this, I had the same reaction as the group of Chinese teachers who visited Canada for the first time: this was so different from the practice in China. In the pre-service training and all the professional development activities that I have attended in China, ethical standard was also stressed, but it mainly dealt with responsibility and accountability as far as teaching performance was concerned, and little has been mentioned about the proper distance with the students. In fact, in Chinese tradition, teachers are compared to fathers (in ancient China, there were only male teachers, and girls were not supposed to receive education). Confucius thus commented on his student Hwei’s attitude towards himself, “Hwei looked on me as a father” (Brooks, 1998, p. 71). Although the emphasis is laid on the deep respect towards teacher, the fact that teachers are compared to fathers instantly changes the relationship between teacher and student from a professional relation to a more intimate one. In modern China, as more and more women choose to become teachers, teachers

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start to be compared to mothers. In the pre-service trainings that I received in China, the professors appealed to us students by saying “treat your students like your own children”. The problem with this metaphor is that the boundaries between teachers and students become blurred, and sometimes teachers might behave a bit too intrusive in dealing with students’ personal difficulties. Recently when I accompanied a delegation of Chinese principals to visit a Toronto middle school, a male principal of the delegation patted a girl student on her back to show his friendliness. I noticed that the girl cringed. The school’s principal said aside to me, “That’s a no-no in our schools.” But in Chinese school cultures, the principal’s action would be regarded as a gesture of fatherly fondness.

In Chinese schools, because of the deeply rooted concept of teachers as a father or mother figure, parents would expect more from the teachers. For example, both Meiping and Yun expressed the wish that if their children started dating in high school, the teachers should interfere, or at least inform the parents of what was going on. And they said if such things happened in China, the head teacher would definitely let the parents know, so that they could take some actions. Hua thus commented on the differences in the professional culture,

Sometimes what we mean is different from what they think. Also, they have more concerns. Once we said that our kid, our kid is in the mixed class. That is, Grade 3 and Grade 4, or Grade 4 and Grade 5 students are in the same class. We feel that the lessons are too easy for our daughter, so we asked the teacher if he/she could promote her by one grade. The teacher refused. What she meant is that once she did that for a kid, but the parents of the kid made a complaint to the school. This kind of things are hard to say.

From my contact with the parents, it seems that one major source for the parents to get

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to know the local school is through other parents and their children’s classmates. To have direct contact with school is an intimidating idea to the parents and they didn’t want to seem incompetent in their children’s teachers’ eyes because of the language barrier. It seems that the immigrant parents need a lot more encouragement and support from the schools and teachers to be able to get more involved in their children’s school life. The lack of knowledge of the local school system sometimes causes fear and mistrust among Chinese immigrant parents.

For the parents who have younger children in the household, they are surprised by the comments and complaints they received from the teachers or counsellors. Hua applied for a childcare counsellor to come to her home once every month. She heard of this free service from the daycare teacher, and hoped that she could get some advice from the counsellor and get to know more about the Canadian way of child-rearing. It turned out to be a negative experience for her. Hua told me of the following incident. Once when the counsellor came over, Hua was trying to feed her son, who kept running away and refusing to sit down to finish his meal. The counsellor said that she shouldn’t chase after him like this, and if he would not take the meal, just ignore him. He would ask for food when he was hungry. Hua could not agree with this method, and viewed it in a different way,

There is a saying in Chinese, ‘The tree turns straight when it grows up’. Don’t force a child to do things that he/she cannot do. Take eating as an example, when he reaches a certain age, he would naturally eat on his own. But if he was still too young, and you force him to do it, that would make him miserable, and the adults would suffer too. Whether the child will be an independent adult or not, wait and see…

Hua also received complaints from the daycare teacher about her son’s behaviour in

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class,

The teacher called me and complained that during circle and story time, my son did not sit still and listen to the story. He would raise his hand again and again, asking the teacher lots of questions. Isn’t it the Western ideal to respect the kids and give them the freedom and space?

Yun had similar observation on this matter, and she was quite surprised by the behavioural difference shown by her son in different settings,

My son knows that he needs to make extra efforts to appear good. When he is at the kindergarten, he knows that he should wash his hands. That is to say, when he is at the kindergarten, he is wearing a mask. He appears mature, and quiet. When he is home, he cries, throws tantrum, and jumps up and down. It’s like two persons. I am very surprised. At home, he is such a baby. He is like a four-year-old. While at school, he is ur, like a little gentleman.

It appears that Hua and Yun were not the only ones who make such comments. I have heard similar stories from my friends in the US and Canada who had younger children in the family. They all expressed a certain degree of puzzlement and resistance over the teachers’ comment that their children behaved immaturely. This incident highlights the difference in child-rearing in the two cultures, and misconception of the host culture held by the immigrant parents. Their life experience in mainland China up until adulthood have conditioned their understanding of such concepts of democracy and freedom as something opposite to the practice of China. When I first came to Canada, such grand concepts as freedom could be interpreted as “I have been here in Toronto for months, not once was I asked to show my ID”; or “My, I could go all over the library and look through the books without asking for anyone’s permission”. Similarly, the immigrant parents would expect that the children would be free as little birds, who might fly, sing, and play as they liked. They were taken quite by surprise when social conformity was

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expected of a three-year-old. Yun complained, “Why, they (referring to her son’s teachers in daycare) treat the children as if they were teenagers. I have a friend whose son is of the same age as mine. The teacher has complained to her several times that her son did not obey the rules. She was exasperated by such criticism, and said to me, ‘I thought they would encourage creativity and originality, but the teachers were more concerned about their manners. It’s really a let-down’”. From the above accounts, we can tell that the preset image of Canadian society in many Chinese immigrants’ minds is often unrealistic or over-simplistic. It is more of a counter image of the Chinese society than an understanding that comes from observation or study of the Canadian political and cultural customs.

5.7 Summary The mothers in my study constantly compared Canadian schools with their school experience in mainland China, and they were impressed by the critical thinking encouraged in the local teaching. As time went on, the mothers began to show concern about the school culture in the local school. They were afraid that the school life was too easy or comfortable for the children, and they were not motivated to realize their potential. In the next chapter, I discussed the mothers’ interaction with other Chinese immigrant parents in their efforts to get information and support about Canadian schooling.

Chapter 6 Interaction with Other Chinese Immigrant Parents

In this chapter, I discussed the mothers’ interaction with other Chinese immigrant parents, which greatly influenced the mothers’ parental practice. The mothers’ social circle mainly composed of other immigrants from mainland China. The mothers made certain choices over their children’s education due to certain peer pressure from other immigrant parents, and they also got many tips about the local school from the Chinese immigrant community. The narratives provide a picture of the major social lives of the mothers. The importance of interpersonal relation in Chinese culture helps account for the ways how the mothers network with other Chinese immigrant parents. This chapter mainly deals with the question of the mothers’ efforts to gain more support in their children’s schooling by establishing a network with other Chinese immigrant parents. I also pointed out the difficulties faced by the mothers as they socialize almost exclusively with Chinese people.

6.1 Chinese Schools in Toronto To better understand the mothers’ interaction with other Chinese immigrant parents, and the influence of Chinese community on the mothers’ parenting practice, we need first to understand the mothers’ choice of school for their children. The parents in the four families all chose schools with high Chinese population for their children. Yun once expressed her concern over this issue, and she was worried that this might affect her daughter’s ability to socialize with people from other ethnic groups when she started working in the society. The other three mothers had similar concerns. Their home location determined which public school their children could go to. From my years of observation, I come to understand why Chinese immigrants tend to cluster in certain

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residential areas. For many new Chinese immigrants, their first stop at Toronto would be the family inns managed by Chinese immigrants who have stayed in Canada for several years. In fact, this has become an important source of income for some immigrant families who first invested in buying a house even before they could find a job. They would rent rooms in their house to new immigrants at a price much cheaper than hotels. In fact, such family inns meant a lot to new immigrants, who could find a temporary place to stay before starting house-hunting. What’s more important, because there was no language barrier, the newcomers could seek advice from the landowners about public transit, the various cards that they needed to apply to at the social services, what documents to get prepared, and how to get to those social services places. Such matters might seem trivial, but for a stranger in a new city and new culture, the help from the landowners meant a lot. Such family inns were often close to some Chinese supermarkets, barber shop, and shopping malls.

I learned from my landlady that many newcomer families got their children enrolled in the local school first thing they landed at Toronto, for they placed their children’s education as the first priority. Naturally they chose a school nearby. Later on, in order not to disrupt their children’s school life, the immigrant parents chose to rent or buy houses in the same area. Gradually, the Chinese community became bigger and bigger. In turn, this settlement pattern of new Chinese immigrants affected their children’s school population as more and more newcomer Chinese students went to the same school. Besides the geographical consideration, the mothers said that when they first came to Canada, they chose schools with high Chinese population for their children so that they could have a smoother transition from the Chinese system to the Canadian one. They wished that their children could get some help from other Chinese students.

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In my conversation with Mike and Mary, they both said that they only hang out with their Chinese friends at school. When he first went to the school, Mike spoke Mandarin with other Chinese students after class. As I have mentioned before, Mary showed great mistrust to the so-called mainstream white culture, and that is a place that she had no inclination to explore. She felt that she and her Chinese friends could better understand each other, since they were from similar family background. This characteristic of the social networking for Chinese immigrant students posed the following questions: What does it mean for a Chinese child to have only Chinese friends during all his/her adolescent years? When they graduate from high school, and have more opportunities to mingle with people from different racial backgrounds, how will they adjust? Could they fit well in a “white” company culture? Have they got a chance to prepare themselves for the mainstream society, which was not reflected in the culture of the Chinese community? These are the questions the mothers in my study were deliberating when they noticed that their children made friends only with Chinese children.

6.2 Social Networking As Liang (1975) pointed out, Chinese society was organized around ethical relationship, and the intricacies and convolutedness in interpersonal relations sometimes became a heavy burden. All the mothers in my research cited simplicity in interpersonal relations as one of the greatest appealing features of the life in Canada. They complained about the intricate networking within Chinese families and working places. Meiping said that if they did not immigrate to Toronto, they needed to make full use of all their interpersonal relations so that his son could get into a high school with good renown. She said that sometimes with all the manoeuvring, one still might fail in achieving the goal. Ying wished that the simplicity in the interpersonal relations in Canada might be to her son’s advantage.

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My younger sister gave me another example of the significance of such social manoeuvring even for the life of my eight-year-old niece in China. In my niece’s class, there are 70 students. For the students who sit in the last few rows, it is hard for them to read teachers’ handwriting on the blackboard clearly. It has become an open secret that the parents should send gift to the head teacher so that their children could sit at front rows. It’s not hard to imagine that all the parents compete to send gifts to the teacher, and the teacher rotated the students in their seating according to the time when he/she received the gift. This had become such a common practice that the children themselves would complain to their parents if they hadn’t paid their due “homage” to the teacher, thus jeopardizing their chance of getting a better treatment. The award-winning documentary, entitled Why Democracy – Please Vote for Me (Edkins, 2007), tracked and recorded the election process for Class Monitor in a Grade 3 class in the metropolitan city of Wuhan, China. The election process included talent show, debate, and a final speech. All three candidates took the campaign seriously, and their parents were very supportive, helping them with the preparation of the speech, analyzing their opponents’ weaknesses and strengths, and coming up with the best strategy. One of the candidates Ding, Lei was the current Class Monitor, and during the debate round, he noticed that many classmates complained about his leadership. Some said that he used physical punishment. One of his competitors seized the opportunity, and promised that he would be lenient and respectful in his treatment of his fellow students. Seeing that he was losing ground, the boy sought help from his parents. His dad was an officer in the local police department, and he suggested that his son offer a free ride on the newly built monorail to his whole class. The mono-rail was the most modern transport means in Wuhan, and the trip turned out to be a great success, and a turning point in the election. On the election day, Ding, Lei was re-elected. The other boy burst into tears and ran out

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of the classroom.

When I exchanged ideas on such issues with my friends, and relatives in China, who had children in schools, I learned that the above story was not an isolated case. A friend of mine said that her daughter was deeply hurt when she got the highest number in the poll, but the head teacher designated the position to her classmate who came as second. She asked, “How could he become the Class Monitor instead of me? Is it because that he is the son of the principal?” All the mothers in my study mentioned this phenomenon, and cited this as one of the reasons for immigration. They wanted their children to live in a fair and democratic society, and not to be beaten by unfair treatment from an early age. They all expressed a great relief when they did not need to invest time and money in pleasing teachers, and school administrators. In this regard, they appreciated the relative fairness of Canadian society. Having lived in Canada for ten years, Yun found herself surprised by the ripples generated by the social network in mainland China,

The other day I got a phone call, and the woman kept saying that this was an international call from China, and she got my number from a friend’s friend. She made inquiry for her son on the issue of medical care. I was greatly surprised, for her son was staying in our hospital at the time of her phone call. Why couldn’t he ask me the questions himself?

On the other hand, as time went on, the mothers in my study started to miss the privileges they enjoyed by investing in interpersonal relation back in China. Many Chinese immigrants summed up their life in their foster country as “beautiful scenery, clean water, and lonely heart” (hao shan, hao shui, hao ji mo) (Sha, 2009). All three Chinese phrases contain the same character hao, which means good in hao shan, hao shui, and very in hao ji mo. In Chinese folk culture, there is the tradition of summarizing

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a social phenomenon, or a state of life with lyric-like sentences, and more often than not, they will contain a witty play of words, which helps spread the message among the common people. Meiping once said to me, “In my hometown, when we went to the hospital, we did not have to wait in line. We could go directly to a doctor who is the friend of a friend’s, and this doctor would take us to the doctor we need to see”.

In order to compensate for this kind of loneliness and sense of helplessness, many immigrants try to sponsor their relatives to Canada to regain the feeling of an extended family. Yun jokingly said that her husband came from an extended family, and she used to feel annoyed by the succession of relatives who came to ask favours of her husband,

You know, we live in the capital city of Anhui province, and his relatives from the country came to borrow money, asked him to help looking for menial jobs, or transferring their children to a city school. And each time when they were in town, they expected us to provide food and lodging for them. I used to quarrel with my husband over such matters (laughed). It did not feel like a home any more, it was more like a hotel.

Yun was recalling her life in China, and such details again confirmed my above observation on interpersonal relations in Chinese society. But what she went on to say came as a surprise, “But now I feel quite lonely and insecure. If something happened to us, we did not have any relative to go to. We are thinking of sponsoring some of them over to Canada. You know, ur, many of our friends have the same thought.” In other words, these immigrants were seeking the sense of belonging, since they did not feel like “one of us” in the local society, they wanted to try other ways to alleviate the sense of insecurity and anxiety by weaving a smaller yet more familiar net around them.

Under such circumstances, the networking with other Chinese immigrant families has

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become essential for the social life of the four families in my study. Usually, they would celebrate traditional Chinese holidays and Canadian public holidays with their Chinese friends. For example, Yun’s family formed an intimate circle with three other Chinese immigrant families, and each family hosted a party by turns every two weeks. I was invited to some of these parties when it was Yun’s turn to host the party. Such gatherings started at noon, and lasted till 10 or 11 pm. Lavish meals were prepared, and for the rest of the time, the adults usually talked about Chinese politics, their children’s education, or played cards, while the younger generation played PC games together to their hearts’ content. The other three families had similar social gatherings with their Chinese friends. I was invited twice to parties hosted by Meiping. For Chinese immigrants, the most important social event of the year is the celebration of Chinese New Year. In China, Chinese New Year is a statutory holiday, that has a history of several thousand years, and it is a time to celebrate the beginning of a new year. For me, childhood memories of Chinese New Year are a mixture of flavours of delicious food, the joy of receiving gifts, the uplifting sense of fresh hope, the excitement of playing with firecrackers, and the thwarted wish that the holiday will last forever. It is one of those rare occasions where lapse of time only serves to sharpen one’s senses about the event. For Chinese overseas, Chinese New Year becomes equivalent of homesickness, and all four families in my research chose to celebrate the day together with other Chinese immigrants. If it happened to be a weekday, they would celebrate it on the nearest weekend. One of the highlights on this occasion is the variety show broadcast on Chinese New Year’s Eve by China Central Television. The buzz around this show in Chinese media can be compared to the Academy Awards Ceremony in the US. My husband and I were invited to Yun’s house to celebrate the 2011 Chinese New Year. Yun’s husband video-recorded the New Year variety show. The dozen of guests all gathered around the television and naturally the conversation centered around the variety show -- paparazzi stories about the

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superstars who were giving performances, and comments on social problems reflected in some comedy sketches.

Such social gatherings also became the major platform for the parents to exchange ideas on their children’s education, and seek advice on some educational issues from their friends. The parents would compare notes over such matters as school rankings, the children’s scores, the tutoring classes, the musical instruments they practiced, the choice of university majors. As I have mentioned in my discussion about the acculturation process in Chapter 4, Chinese parents would expect and welcome open discussion and criticism about their own children from their friends or acquaintances. For example, in one of the social gatherings, Yun asked each adult present for their opinion on Mary’s choice of forensic studies as her major, “What do you think? How about the job prospect? Is it easy to find a job in that field? How about criminology?” Mary did not like being the object of discussion, and avoided such scenes by staying away from the living room.

6.3 Peer Pressure from Other Chinese Immigrant Parents No matter whether it is in Canadian culture, or Chinese culture, peer pressure from other parents all features as an important element in parents’ decision about their children’s education. In the documentary entitled “Hyper Parents and Coddled Kids” (Bartlett & LeRose, 2010) broadcast on the Passionate Eye of CBC, the parents talked about the pressure they received from other parents, and how the pressure trickled down to the children. One parent said that her daughter would tell her that her peers were learning some other programs. This is also true with immigrant parents from mainland China. In my research, the mothers all talked rather negatively about this peer pressure, and attributed much of the anxiety they felt in their children’s education to the competitive

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attitude among the parents. They somewhat agreed that since they left their relatives and friends behind in China, the competition was not as fierce, yet they still felt the sting of such pressure among their Chinese friends. Yun even went one step further in observing that such competition is prevalent in every aspect of her life,

Chinese, look at me, including me, we have a weakness, that is the competitiveness. I did not notice this before, but now I suddenly realize that, for instance, I bought this house because it was the same structure and size as my friend Mrs Wong’s.

This became a bitter point with Yun, and she admitted that her family should have bought a cheaper house, which would not put such a financial strain on them. She also commented on the fact that many Chinese immigrant parents sent their children to the gifted program,

Many classmates around me, er, gave me great pressure. It seemed that if you did not get into the gifted program. If you did not send your daughter to the best school, it seemed that you were deprived of something. But you need to base the decision on the child’s potential, right? I know many children who went to the gifted program. Even if some of them did not enrol in the gifted program, they would take part in the exam. To prove that my children had the ability.

Yun jokingly said, “I was scared when I sat with some parents. Their children got 90 in their tests. The parents wanted them to reach 100.”

6.4 Tips from the Virtual Community From my conversations with the mothers in my study, I have learned that another major source of information on Canadian school and interaction with other parents is the Chinese website. There are Chinese websites based in major cities of North America and such sites have become a haven for overseas Chinese who feel left out by the local social life and try to find a platform to air their opinions and ideas. China Gate

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(http://www.wenxuecity.com), for example, is the largest portal site for overseas Chinese worldwide. According to the web information company Alexa, the traffic of this website ranks 244 in Canada (http://www.alexa.com/topsites/countries;9/CA). “Political affairs”, “Immigration Tips”, “My China” and “Next Generation Education” are among the most popular forums on the website. Due to the anonymity of the posters, the authors are frank in their discussions. In “Next Generation Education” forum, Chinese parents share stories of their children’s education, expressing their doubts, seeking advice and commenting on the school practice in North America. Hua gave me another website that she often visits, that is, http://www.canadameet.com/bbs/forumdisplay.php?f=209. Under the forum children’s education, the hottest post is “Does the Canadian elementary education do harm to the children?” (http://www.canadameet.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=216740) These sites feature heated discussions among parents. The opinions of the parents might be one-sided, but it does show how keen and eager these parents are for a platform that they can exchange ideas over these issues. There are parents who are fervent advocates of the local education system. What strikes me most is that such sources are out there all these time, but the immigrant parents have to seek help in the virtual community to get access to them. When I surfed the websites, I was moved by the generosity of many parents. They would share the lessons they had learned in the education of their children, and posted web links or uploaded scanned materials that might be helpful for other immigrant parents. For example, in her efforts to help her daughter select course for 11th grade, Yun also sought help from such websites. From such websites, she got the link to the “newcomer’s guide to secondary school” (http://www.settlement.org/topics.asp?section=EDUCATION:EASS:EASS_EDGUIDE).

6.5 Summary

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All the mothers found great support from the Chinese community. They were eager to learn more about the Canadian school system, but did not get much information from the schools and teachers. By talking with Chinese parents, whose children were at different stages of schooling, the mothers gained some basic knowledge which would help them make decision about their children’s education. The last chapter will be the conclusions and implications for my thesis.

Chapter 7 Conclusions

In the previous chapters, I have provided a detailed account of the four mothers’ encounter with Canadian school system by discussing the inter-generational relation, the parents’ views on Canadian schools, and the interaction with other immigrant parents. The purpose of this concluding chapter is to highlight the major findings and discuss implications of my study. I organized the findings according to the three research questions: How do Chinese immigrant parents adjust to the Canadian school system? What challenges or difficulties do these immigrant parents experience in managing their children’s schooling? And how does their parenting practice change as a result of the children’s schooling experience?

7.1 Chinese Immigrant Parents’ Adjustment to the Canadian Schooling From my analysis, it is clear that the parents in my study all found striking differences between Canadian and Chinese schools in terms of classroom setting, teaching style, curriculum content, moral education, and college recruitment process. It was a learning process for the parents when their children started their school life in Canada. In the cases of Ying and Yun, their enrolment in Canadian post-secondary institutions gave them first-hand experience with the local schools. The parents in my study tried to get adjusted to the Canadian educational system in the following ways.

7.1.1 Learn about the Local School Culture The mothers in my study all made efforts to learn about the local schools. The primary source of information was fellow Chinese immigrants. For example, when the mothers

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attended LINC classes, they asked their classmates and teachers about the local school. Hua, Ying, and Yun all spent time reading their children’s textbooks, so that they could have some idea of the course content. Meiping’s English skill was not as good as the other three mothers, and she enrolled her son Mike in some tutoring classes for English and math. The mothers also tried to learn about the school by talking with their children about their activities at school. Another major source of information was the overseas Chinese websites, where immigrant parents shared their experiences and stories as regards their children’s education in North America.

7.1.2 Extra Chinese Homework In my study, the mothers made little comment on the content of school courses in the field of arts and humanities, but they were impressed by the rich forms of project work in those courses. The academic language in those courses posed even greater challenge to the parents. For example, the mothers could not compare their children’s history or geography lessons with those taught in Chinese schools. In our conversations and from my observation, the mothers had little idea about the content of courses of arts and humanities. But for science courses, all the mothers tried their best to provide some help and guidance for their children. The formulas and principles used in problem-solving were the same despite the language difference, and the Arabic numbers are the same. The mothers soon found the difference between Canadian and Chinese math, and became worried about their children’s lack of basic computational skills that seemed to hinder their further engagement with the subject. To compensate for the lack of drill exercise, except for Ying, all three mothers gave their children extra Chinese homework. The mothers brought back math reference books and exercise books from China.

7.2 Challenges or Difficulties in Managing their Children’s Schooling in Canada

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The mothers are faced with many challenges and difficulties in managing their children’s schooling in Canada, which are mainly caused by the language and culture differences.

7.2.1 Teacher-parent Relations The mothers all wanted to have more connection with their children’s teachers, but the language barrier rendered this hard to achieve. They also found that the interaction between teachers and parents were different. When they were in China, the teachers in charge of their children’s class would discuss in great details about their children’s school performance. The teachers would tell the parents about the weak points in their children’s study, and solicit the parents’ support in helping the students. The mothers felt that the teachers in Canada would not openly talk with them about their children’s “problems”, and they could not get much information from the report card, for it was hard for them to read the underlying meaning in the comments. Also, the mothers were at a loss as to how to get more involved in their children’s school life. As a result, they took a more passive stance. They only attended parent-teacher meetings where they could talk with the teacher about their children’s study, and showed little interest in other social events that were taking place in the school community.

7.2.2 Dilemma of the Language Use The mothers all struggled with the use of language. On the one hand, they wanted their children to acquire the fluency of native speakers in their use of English language, since they would grow up and pursue a career in Canadian society. But on the other hand, they wanted their children to be able to speak Chinese and have certain knowledge of the Chinese culture. Otherwise, the two generations could not communicate with each other. In the four families, the use of English language and Chinese language was under constant negotiation and renegotiation. For the younger generation, English language

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became their social language, and Chinese was reserved for usage among family members. in some social gatherings with other Chinese immigrant families, I saw the younger generation spoke English among themselves, and switched to Chinese when addressed by an adult.

7.2.3 Moral Education Another big challenge for the parents lies in moral education. The Chinese Confucian tradition placed great emphasis on moral education, and many Confucian teachings on moral education became part of the daily language, and a person growing up in the Chinese culture was exposed to such teachings on a daily basis. The four mothers all admitted that they knew little about the moral education in Canadian schools and they felt that they could not find a common ground to appeal to their children when talking about responsibility and duty. They did not know how to respond to such phrases as “I don’t care”, or “Whatever”.

7.3 Impact and Influence on their Parenting Practice As the families settled in Canada, the contact with the local culture and the local school gradually changed the mothers’ view on their children’s education. As a result, all the mothers made changes in their parenting practice.

7.3.1 Attitude towards Physical Punishment The mothers all admitted that after they came to Canada, they no longer gave their children physical punishment. When they were in China, spanking was regarded as a useful means in disciplining the children. The mothers received warnings from friends and fellow Chinese immigrants that Canadian society did not tolerate physical punishment of the children. The mothers said that they learned to show more respect to

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their children.

7.3.2 Critical Thinking All the mothers were impressed by the emphasis on critical thinking in Canadian schools. They thought that in Chinese schools, students were not encouraged to search for alternative ways, instead, students were expected to memorize the correct answers for certain questions. Especially for Ying and Yun, who took courses in the local post secondary schools, this was a refreshing experience. The mothers were glad to see this difference, and encouraged such activities where their children’s critical thinking was developed. For example, for some projects that required originality and creativity, the mothers would be happy if they could be of some help. Sometimes, they would offer to be the first audience for a presentation.

7.3.3 Change in Parental Expectation The mothers’ expectation for their children’s future career also underwent some change. Compared with their contemporaries in mainland China, the mothers showed greater flexibility on this issue. As Ying put it, a person in Canada has many ways of receiving post-secondary education, while in China, failure in the college entrance exam usually meant the ending of school life. The mothers would respect their children’s choice if they did not want to pursue technology- or science-related majors. They felt that the Canadian society showed more tolerance to different kinds of jobs and professions.

7.4 Implications for Chinese Parenting and Chinese Parent-school Relations In their interaction with the local school, the mothers in this study constantly compared the school pratice with the Chinese schools, and began to have new understanding of both the host culture and their heritage culture. When they appreciated some features of

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the Canadian school, they also started to miss some of the good features in Chinese culture that they used to take for granted. This learning process is an enriching experience for the parents, and as a result, they wanted their children to be more open and embrace the good features in Chinese culture. An important finding in my research is that the parents did not have effective communication with the schools and their children because of their lack of knowledge of the local culture. This was partly caused by the language barrier, and the parents did not know where to get access to the support and help they needed. Another reason was caused by the parents’ lack of commitment to the life in the host country. They did not show much initiative in getting more immersed in the culture of the host country. These findings will shed new light on parent-school relations.

7.4.1 Border Crossing My present research could serve as a window into Chinese immigrant students’ family education and their parents’ educational philosophy. Family life plays a significant role in a person’s education. Research in different countries have confirmed the positive impact of family involvement on students’ performance at school. “Beyond increases in learning and higher test scores, research also demonstrates that family involvement benefits students’ social and emotional development, as measured by student behaviour, motivation, social competence, and student-teacher and peer relationships (Adams & Christenson, 2000; Palenchar, Vondra, & Wilson, 2001; Sanders, 1998).” (Caspe, 2003, p. 117)

By learning about the parental practice in Chinese immigrant families, schools could better understand the cultural heritage and the family culture of Chinese immigrant students in the classroom. Also, by learning about Chinese parents’ views and opinions

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on the school practice, the schools could find ways to invite these parents’ involvement in the school community. The mothers in my study had many questions about the Canadian schooling, but they did not know where to look for answers. They tried to adapt to the new environment by making changes in their parental practice. When the teachers learned more about the cultural difference between immigrant students’ family life and school life, they could search for ways to help the students negotiate the two worlds. My research might highlight some issues that were of value to teachers in a multicultural classroom. The less heard voice of Chinese immigrant parents will open new venues for the understanding of cross-cultural experiences.

Outreach programs towards immigrant parents would be a good way to get the parents more involved in their children’s school life, and provide the parents with opportunities to learn about the local culture, and the different beliefs behind certain practice. In the cases with Ying and Yun, who pursued further study in Canadian schools, they reflected on features of the school that might have escaped Hua and Meiping’s attention. For example, Ying complained about the course assignment that might put a student of minority background in a disadvantageous position. As Caspe (2003) has put it,

Outreach encompassed face-to-face meetings, materials on ways to help children at home, and telephoning when there were problems and when there were no problems. Further, outreach and study of children’s family life may lead teachers to better know the cultures from which their students emerge, allowing them to integrate these family funds of knowledge into their curricula. (p. 118)

I think for schools, the first step in getting Chinese parents more involved in the school community would be to have information sessions on Canadian schools. The Chinese parents in my study were keen to be involved in their children’s study. Projects that

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involved parents’ participation would be a good way for the parents to learn more about their children’s school life. For example, the teachers could ask the students to interview their parents on certain topics, or maybe the parents could tell some stories of Chinese mythology, and the students could translate the stories into English, and share them with their classmates. This way, the Chinese students would feel that their heritage culture was represented in the curriculum. Another way would be to encourage teachers who are bilingual or trilingual to use the languages in their teaching. Goldstein (2003) pointed out that despite the challenges and contentions facing the legitimization of multilingualism in school setting, it is crucial for teachers and researchers to be aware of the benefits this strategy will bring about for ESOL students. What’s more, it is also a great waste of resource if a bilingual or trilingual teacher could not take advantage of their cultural and linguistic assets to better address the needs of students who struggle with English. In this sense, the teachers and parents are all acting as border crossers. The mothers in my study were eager to get involved in their children’s school life. Their reflection on their own school experience in China gave them dual perspectives on the issue of schooling. Their willingness to make adjustment in their parenting practice to best suit their children’s education in Canada indicates that they were consciously and subconsciously absorbing ideas and values from both cultures.

7.4.2 Cross-cultural Mothering/Parenting I found that the mothers in my study viewed their children’s school experience in Canada with mixed feelings. When they had a close contact with Canadian schools and its educational philosophy, the mothers started to realize how their own educational philosophy was deeply influenced by Confucian teachings. They regularly compared the Chinese and Canadian educational practice, and wanted their children to have the best of both systems. But sometimes the children did not understand the cultural implications of

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this kind of practice, and this might result in inter-generational misunderstanding. For the mothers in my study, I felt that maybe they needed to make more efforts to try to understand the mainstream culture, and the Canadian school culture and norms. From my observation, the mothers had let pass many opportunities to exchange or share ideas and opinions with their children. For example, none of the mothers tried to understand the TV shows that the children were watching. When the children were laughing while watching those shows, the mothers would comment, “Silly, what can be that funny?”

As shown by the literature review on Chinese immigrant parents’ encounter with Canadian schooling, much research has been done on Chinese immigrant parents’ high expectation of their children’s academic success, the lack of involvement in school work and lack of communication with teachers. The study shows that parent-school relations require all parties involved to be border crossers. Also, the immigrant parents need to be actively learning about the mainstream culture. By having a close-up shot into the daily life of the four Chinese immigrant mothers, we got a chance to look deeper into their settlement process in Canada -- their reflection of their life choice, their views on their children’s course content, their interaction with their children, other immigrant parents, and the schools. By using narrative inquiry, I could recreate vividly moments in the mothers’ lives when they were nostalgic of their youth days in China, when they were missing their loved ones at home, when they were admiring certain features of the Canadian culture, or when they were disappointed at the lack of homework. We could also see how the stories in each family were evolving as they were faced with new situations in life.

7.5 Future Research

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My research focuses on immigrant parents from mainland China, but it is not an isolated case with Chinese immigrants. In a multicultural society composed with people from various ethnic backgrounds, the question of bicultural identity has its significance for every immigrant in Canada. My research only provides a glimpse into the life of the four families, and I can imagine that when their children enter college or university, the mothers will have new observations on undergraduate education in Canada and its difference from their own university life in China. My research is based in the metropolitan centre of Toronto. It is very important to conduct research on Chinese immigrant parents’ experience with Canadian schooling in other Canadian urban centres or in rural areas.

From my contact with the four families, I feel that a lot of work could be done to help facilitate the settlement process of newcomer families. Many of the well-designed and well-intended settlement programs have not been taken advantage of. Some English websites contain very useful tips on Canadian school practice in many different languages for newcomer families, but the mothers in my study did not make use of such resources, for they did not know of the websites. They consulted other Chinese immigrant parents or surfed the overseas Chinese websites for such tips. Effective support for immigrant parents from the community and the school could be a topic for further research. Also, from my research, I found that the parents knew little about the moral education and civic education their children received in the local school, which caused one major gap between the two generations in their life views and world views. The parents were deeply influenced by Confucian educational philosophy and moral education, and were applying those principles in their parenting practice. To achieve fruitful parent-school relations, it is important to share with immigrant parents the philosophy and beliefs behind the school practice, and to learn about the parents’ views

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and beliefs. The principle of reciprocal learning is key in cross-cultural exchanges (Xu & Connelly 2008; Xu, 2011). Only by achieving this, can all parties involved benefit from such relations.

As I have mentioned, what we can get from my present research is a depiction of certain moments in the four families’ lives. A few years later, if I had a chance to have conversations with them on their children’s education in Canada, I wonder what they would view as the biggest benefits and regrets. What new epiphanies they have gained about Canadian culture and schooling? And what would they say to a friend or relative who seek advice from them about immigration to Canada?

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Appendices

Appendix A

Sample Field Notes Visit at Ying’s Home Nov. 15, 2010 7:00 pm-8:30 pm Written up on Nov. 15, 2010 The following was an excerpt of the field note on this visit.

******************************************************************** This is my third visit to Ying’s family, and as usual I arrived at her place 5 minutes earlier than the appointed time. I still felt a bit nervous since I was not very familiar with Ying. Ying showed me into the living room, and asked me if I wanted to have some tea. I said that I was fine. Ying went over to her son Peter’s room, and said, “Xiaohong Ayi is here, come and say hello”. Peter came out of his room to meet me. I smiled at him, and exchanged greetings with him. Peter always spoke Mandarin with me. I asked him what he was doing. Peter said that he was doing some homework, preparing a presentation for next day’s English class. Before I could ask any further questions, Ying asked Peter to go back to his work. Peter retreated into his room and closed the door. At that moment, I wanted very much to ask Peter about the presentation, but I checked myself since Ying had no intention of seeking my advice.

Ying asked me where I lived and if I was married. I told her that my husband was in China, and I was in Toronto alone. “That must be hard for you”, said Ying, “does your research go on well?” I told her that I was still recruiting participants. Ying said, “I know, the larger the samples are, the more accurate the results will be. I am pursuing a Master’s degree in statistics”. Then her eyes brightened, “I have an ideal candidate for you. She is my good friend and neighbour. Wait, I’ll be back in a moment”. Before I could say anything, Ying left the apartment already.

I sat there, not sure how to respond to the situation. There were many things that I could talk with Ying. In the phone call, she said that she wanted to ask for my advice on her paper for an English course. I thought that it would a good way to get to know Ying and her opinions on the local school system. Now the plan seemed to be changed. At the same time, I wondered what the new candidate would be like, and if it was a good idea

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to recruit two persons who were good friends and neighbours in my research. Five minutes later, I heard laughter in the corridor, and Ying was back with her friend. Ying introduced us to each other, and told me that her friend’s name was Hua. Hua noticed that I was looking at her hair, which was still dripping with water. She pointed at her friend and said, “I just got some spare time to wash my hair, and she dragged me here”. Ying laughed, “This is an interesting topic. You must have a lot to say”.

I started to explain my research design, my plan to visit the family, and the confidentiality policy of the research. Hua said, “I have friends who are pursuing Master’s degree in education, and I am quite familiar with educational research. Yours does not seem to be a new topic.” I thought, “Is she trying to say no to me in a roundabout way?”

At this moment, there was loud knocking at the door. Ying opened the door to two cute children. Hua told me that they were her daughter and son. She asked them to call me Ayi, and say hello to me. The boy was 3 years old, and after he said hello to me, he went straight over to a cupboard in the room, and opened its doors. He was looking for sweets to eat. Ying said to me, “My home is like another home for him.” Hua told me that her daughter was in grade 4. Her daughter snuggled up against Hua, and said to her, “Why is this Ayi here?” Ying said, “She is a very smart scholar. She is a doctoral student at the University of Toronto. You will also be a Dr. when you grow up.” The girl smiled at Ying.

I said to Hua, “I know this research takes up a lot of time. Please don’t feel obliged to join in the research.” Hua said, “In fact, I am interested in the topic you are working on.” I said, “Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity and I will certainly protect your privacy.” Ying said to me with obvious relief, “There, I found another candidate for you”. I was very grateful for Ying. I could sense that she felt great sympathy for me, and wanted to help me with my study, but at the same time, I could not help but wonder if Hua agreed to join in the research for her friend’s sake......

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Appendix B

Sample Interview Transcript in Chinese with English Translation

Excerpt from Interview with Meiping At Meiping’s home December 7, 2010 7:30 pm – 8:30 pm H: Xiaohong M: Meiping

******************************************************************** H: 在你这个移民的这个决定里边，就是说关于孩子的这个教育就是在里面占多大的一个成分？Does your son’s education play a significant role in your immigration decision? M: 不过我们也就实话实说哈，对我们来讲呢，在就是讲移民的时候呢，好像还是带有一定的盲目性，因为看到周边好像很多这些人都在移民了，总是觉得国外，啊，比较好啊，就觉得办那个移民，但这个移民的过程呢，办得也蛮长的，因为办了六年多，完了六年多，那时候孩子还小啊，那时候孩子还很小，都，还没有完全考虑到孩子教育啊什么，总觉得可能我们的生活会有些新的变化，因为当时移民的时候才三十出头啊，那小孩才几岁，就没考虑到这么多，所以当办好的，要过来的时候呢，那是六年以后了，那，那时候我们在国内都发展得比较好了，在幼儿教育这一块都发展得比较好了，但是呢，那钱也花掉了，那怎么办呢，那只有也就过来了。过来了吗，再发现这个地方呢，怎么讲呢，虽然不是我们想象得那么很好，因为在这里首先是我们自己是找不到什么位置的哈，当然对于孩子来讲，尤其是对我这个儿子来讲呢，可能呢，在教育方面，这块的这种教育体比较适合他，所以我们 06 年后来回去了，回去以后在七年级的时候还是决定带他过来，那么现在来讲呢，也主要就是为了孩子了，那在这里，在这个地方生活也主要就为了他，因为我们也知道，因为像我们语言啊什么，因为这个年龄，也不容易，就算你掌握了一些，但是你也不会是讲，很能精通的哈，能，能搞懂它就这种，所以现在我们留下来主要是为了这个孩子的读书，因为国内的压力也比较大，我觉得哈，所以呢，在这里呢，它整个比较开放式的，再一个呢，也没有那么多压力，他能愉快地学习，哎，主要是这样子。To tell you the truth, for us, when we applied for immigration, it was somewhat an uninformed decision. Many of our acquaintances had chosen to immigrate. And we thought foreign countries had better living conditions. So we submitted the application for immigration. But the application process was so long, and it took us six years. When we submitted the application, our son was so little that we did not put much thought into his education. We just thought that if the application was successful, there would be some new changes in our life. We were at our early 30s at that time. It was six

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years later that our application was approved. By then, we were quite successful in pre-school education, but we could not spend the application fee for nothing, so we decided to land on Canada. After we came to this place, we found that it was not as good as we had expected because we could not find our positions here, but for the children, especially for my son, the schooling here better suited him. We went back to China in 2006, but decided to come back with our son when he was in grade 7. Speaking of now, we are here mainly for our son. For us, because of the language and our age, it would be hard to make a living. Even when we learned some English, we could not speak it fluently and mastered the language. So now we are here mainly because of our son’s education. The competition in China was too fierce. I feel that the schooling here is more open, and there isn’t much pressure. He can learn with pleasure.

H: 你刚才说就觉得这边的这个，就比较适合于他，就是主要从哪个角度来说就比较适合他的这个个性？What do you mean when you said that the school here better suited your son? M: 因为这小孩子他就不属于那种，怎么讲呢，很，没有那种很勤奋钻研的那种，像孩子啊，能够，能静得下来，就是这样，可能有多元化的这些教育啊，对他，他可能能更有兴趣一些，就是他们的教育，动手的，啊，操作的，不像在国内，可能一个基础的东西啊让你学好多遍，甚至一个单词啊要叫你记个一百遍，抄个一百遍，数学呀，怎么样的去计算啊，寻求那些正确的答案，像这些他好像都是比较弱的，但是这边的这教育啊，就是好像有这种在游戏当中，有寓教于乐啊，还有这种比较开放性地去寻找资料，这促进他们去思考啊，像这些可能比较适合他，比较灵活的这种。Because my son is not the diligent type, and he cannot remain concentrated for a long time. He will be more interested in such school activities as handicraft and operating a device. In China, students were required to do drill exercise for some basic knowledge. They were asked to write an English word over for a hundred times. He is also weak in computational skills and problem-solving in math. But here it feels like he is learning while playing, and the students are encouraged to do research on their own. These methods better suit him because they are more flexible.

H: 他就有兴趣了。He will show interest. M: 哎，哎，有兴趣。Yes, yes, he is interested.

H: 你觉得就他过来以后就是对这边的学校适应得快吧，就是。Did your son soon get adjusted to the local school? M: 他，应该讲，他在国内一直是上这个寄宿性学校，就是住在那里的，所以他的适应能力比较好，到了这边以后，他也很快能适应这边的环境，现在偶尔还会怀念过去的那些生活，那些小伙伴啊，但是呢这里他也，也很能适应。He used to go to the boarding school when we were in China, so it was not hard for him to get adjusted

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to the new environment. Sometimes, he missed his past life, and his friends in China. But he can get adjusted to the life here as well.

H: 恩，就是在这边就是交朋友快不快？Did he soon make many friends? M: 也还快，因为这边中国人也多，就很快地融到一起，在相对来讲呢，学习压力不是很大，所以他整天都是很快乐的。所以我们倒有点担心了，像这样子，是不是有些知识概念掌握得还是不够啊，现在有给他报了一些补习班啊，英语，数学啊，因为七年级来了，语言方面还是有一段差距的，啊，你想一下融进去呢，虽然他心理上什么融了，但真正地在语言方面还没有完全融进去，这个，但是小孩学起来还是比较快的，但是现在他的对话啊，讲话啊，听啊都没什么问题，但真正的阅读啊，写啊这些可能还是不行，再慢慢来吧。 Not bad. You know, there is a large Chinese population in our community, and he soon felt at home. Also, the pressure at school was not that high, so he was very happy. We started to feel worried. Did he master the new concepts and knowledge? We decided to enroll him in some tutoring classes such as English and math. He came here at grade 7, and his English language was not that good. Although he was assimilated in the new environment emotionally and psychologically, but there was still some distance in language. It was easier for children in language learning. He was making fast and great progress in speaking and listening, but he was not that good at reading and writing. It will take time.

H: 然后像就你说，就是去报这种英语和数学班，这种是，是什么，是学校里办的，还是？When you mentioned the tutoring classes, were they organized by his school? M: 它这种呢，是，也是我一个家长介绍的，哈，它是在那个，不是学校介绍，他是一个香港人办的，它的，叫天才小子那个补习班，大概呢，就是比较了解这些加拿大的一些教育体系啊，它是能和他的八年级同步，我儿子现在八年级，人家能同步教学的，这样子呢，可能能够弥补一些他上课能听不懂的不足的地方，它能弥补一些，数学和英语。It was recommended to me by another parent. It was founded by some Hong Kongnese, and was called Wonder Kids Learning Centre. The teachers there are familiar with the Canadian curriculum. My son is in grade 8 and they are teaching contents matching what he is studying now at school. What he missed at school, he can pick up in these lessons.

H: 像这种班是那个，像这个数学班它是用英语授课还是…In the learning centre, do the teachers teach in English or Chinese? M: 哎，英语。English.

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H: 就全英语？Only in English? M: 哎，英语授课，但是呢，他也会讲中文，如果不懂的话，他也可以用中文去问他，基本上是英语授课，因为他在这里那个办的老师在这里时间也很长了，好像英语呢，他吗也比较适合，就是习惯于用英语来上课。Yes. But if he had questions, he could ask the teachers in Chinese. But the teacher who founded that centre had been here for a long time, and he was used to teaching in English.

H: 而且他大概也比较了解这些小孩的需求啊什么的。 Perhaps he understands better the needs of these children. M: 哎，因为现在他们这些学校，学习好像功课都很少，再呢，因为像我们英语也不太行，也没有能力再去辅导他，也不知道究竟是他还要需要哪一些方面的帮助，也不太清楚，所以呢，我是想报这个班呢，可能对他有些帮助，不懂的他有个地方去问呢。Yes. My son seems to have very little homework at school. Our English is not good, and cannot help him with his study. We don’t know where he needs help. So I enrolled him in this learning centre. When he has questions, he can ask the teacher. He might benefit from this.