Step-by-Step Guide for Sponsors A Companion to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Step-by-Step Guide for Sponsors Contents Purpose and Use of This Guide 5 Before Getting Started on the Steps 11 Questions and Answers on Sponsorship: What does a sponsor do and not do? What does a sponsee do and not do? Preface and Forwards: Bill’s realization. Dr. Bob’s willingness. Recovery begins… Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step One 19 “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” The Doctor’s Opinion: The allergy concept. The need for a psychic change. The need for abstinence. Bill’s Story: Dawning awareness. A period of relapse. Surely this was the answer—self-knowledge. How dark it is before the dawn! But my friend sat before me… A preview of Step Two. A peek into Steps Three and Four. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Two 27 “(We) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” There Is a Solution: We become so very ill from drinking. We do absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. Why do we take the first drink? We cannot answer the alcoholic riddle. We were a baffled lot. We have lost the power of choice in drink. We believe there is no middle- of-the-road solution. We have been given “a design for living” that really works. More about Alcoholism: We get worse, never better. We tried long and hard to drink like other people. We can quickly diagnose ourselves. We will never be immune to alcohol. We could no longer quit on our will power. We had a desire to stop drinking. We came up with insanely trivial excuses for taking the first drink. We have no effective mental defense against the first drink. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Contents Page 1 Step Three 37 “(We) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” We Agnostics: We must find a spiritual basis of life—or else. We discovered we did not need to consider another’s conception of God. When we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. Faced with alcoholic destruction, we became open minded on spiritual matters. We beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion. Let’s look at AA’s record. We had to stop doubting the power of God. We couldn’t duck the issue of faith. We had been living on faith and little else. We had been fooling ourselves. How It Works – part 1: We stood at the turning point. We had to have God’s help. We had to quit playing God. We could at last abandon ourselves to God, as we understood Him. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Four 49 “(We) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” How It Works – part 2: We launched out on a course of vigorous action. We asked ourselves why we were angry. We had to be free of anger. We avoid retaliation and argument. We resolutely looked for our own mistakes. How It Works – part 3: We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We commence to outgrow fear. We all have sex problems. Our sex powers are God-given and therefore good. God alone can judge our sex situation. We earnestly pray for the right ideal. We are willing to straighten out the past if we can. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Five 63 “(We) Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Into Action – part 1: We usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. We are under constant fear and tension—that makes for more drinking. We must be entirely honest with somebody. When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We pocket our pride and go to it. We shall walk free at last. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Six 81 “(We) Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Into Action – part 2: We ask God to help us be willing. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Contents Page 2 Step Seven 87 “(We) Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” Into Action – part 3: We are willing that God should have all of us, good and bad. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Eight 91 “(We) Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Into Action – part 4: We made our list when we took inventory. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Nine 99 “(We) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Into Action – part 5: Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service. We stick to our own faults. We must lose our fear of creditors. We ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what. Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. Drinking has complicated sex relations in our homes. The spiritual life is not a theory—we have to live it. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone. We will be amazed before we are half way through. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Ten 109 “(We) Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Into Action – part 6: We continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. We have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol. We have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Step Eleven 115 “(We) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” Into Action – part 7: We shouldn’t be shy on the matter of prayer. When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. On awakening, we think about the twenty-four hours ahead. In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We ask especially for freedom from self- will. We sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers. We constantly remind ourselves that we are no longer running the show. Questions from the 12 and 12 text Contents Page 3 Step Twelve 123 “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” Working with Others: Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. How we introduce Step One to newcomers. How we introduce Step Two to newcomers. How we introduce Step Three to newcomers. Newcomers help us more than we help them. We never talk down to newcomers from any moral or spiritual hilltop. We have no monopoly on God, just an approach that worked for us. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing men who cannot or will not work with us. We encourage newcomers to trust in God and clean house. We encourage newcomers to work toward atmospheres of helpfulness and friendliness at home. We remind newcomers that our recovery is not dependent upon people; it is dependent upon our relationship with God. Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. Our job now is to be at the place where we may be of maximum helpfulness to others. We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. To Wives: Problem drinkers usually fall within one of four categories. How we approach the drinker who is showing lack of control. How we approach the drinker who wants to stop. How we approach the drinker who is in complete despair. We need to be patient with newcomers. Sometimes our sponsees relapse. We never, never try to arrange a man’s life so as to shield him from temptation. We had to learn these things the hard way. The Family Afterward: We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets. We of Alcoholics Anonymous keep few skeletons in the closet. For us, material well- being always follows spiritual progress. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knows no bounds. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness. We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We are miracles of mental health. To Employers: We have imposed on the best of employers. If sponsees relapse, and we’re sure they do not want to stop drinking, we are not doing them favors by keeping them. Either we are dealing with alcoholics who can and will get well or we are not. We may need to encourage our sponsees to play once in a while. Our sponsees appreciate knowing we are not trying to run their lives. If sponsees relapse, yet we’re sure they do want to stop drinking, they should be afforded a second chance. Our sponsees should not expect to receive a disproportionate amount of our time and attention.