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volume 8 - issue 4 - tuesday, september 28, 2010 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr mike shaw by karenbaptiste It’s Friday night, and that means one two years of the first one, the fine jumps fool you. Your neighbors are always able nearby. (Not to mention that there’s an thing: it’s time to throw down. Whether up $100 more for both types of tickets, to drop the cops a line if you’re being too organization called S.TA.R.T. (“Stop Teen you’re raging or just hanging out with a with $500 as the maximum fine. Then for loud. These “disturbing sounds” can be Alcohol Risk Team”) in thirteen counties few friends, more often than not, over the a third time offense (still within two years anything from people being loud to noise across Vermont (including Chittenden! clatter of pong balls and music flowing of the first offense), this shit is criminal – from a TV, radio, musical instrument, or They have teams in Essex and Shelburne – through the house, those dreaded knocks literally. You’re charged $500. You have to phonograph. So a word to the wise: stop no listing in B-town), which is composed are heard. As you answer, you kindly ask appear in court. If you’re convicted you partying with A. Graham Bell. I know it’s of undercover cops. Their mission is to Officer Barbrady what the problem is. get a criminal record. At least now you tempting, but that guy just can’t keep him- patrol the streets to crack down on all the Then, BOOM! They strike again: another can get that thug life tattoo you always self or his phonograph under control. young drunkards stumbling around.) noise complaint in Burlington. Even if you think you’re not doing any- For those of you who are new to liv- thing by hanging around outside, techni- ing off campus, pay close attention so You’re charged $500. You have to appear in cally you’re loitering if you’re remaining this doesn’t happen to you. To start, good court. If you’re convicted you get a criminal idle in one location or wandering aim- job opening the door. While Johnny Law lessly. As a result, the cops have the right looks intimidating, opening the door and record. At least now you can get that thug life to tell you to leave wherever you are. So cooperating is the best thing you can do. as a courtesy to whoever’s house you’re at, Don’t be a dick and think you’re above the tattoo you always wanted! if you don’t want to stay, then don’t. Go to law. Getting caught blows, but not answer- Mr. Mike’s, KKD’s, or Ali Baba’s; just don’t ing the door just results in them calling up wanted. Despite all this bullshit, there is a As much as our neighbors downtown be the reason why someone has to get one your landlord and issuing both you and silver lining – but only for first and second hate it, we’re college kids, and therefore of those hefty fines. your landlord a ticket. The best part is that time offenses. You can take a “restorative we’re bound to party. The thing is, you’ve After a long week of classes, it’s practi- they will actually contact you in class or at or reparative justice program” through got to be smart about it if you don’t want cally our right to party. So let’s make the your job to serve you with the ticket. the Community Justice Center. It’s a three to deal with the law banging down your most of it and look out for each other. If Okay, so you were smart and opened hour course and if you complete it, the door. To start, keep your doors and win- you keep your shindig contained, quiet up for the po; the deal is that if you get a judge will either waive part of, or the en- dows closed. Whether or not it’s hot as from the exterior, and have no stragglers noise complaint, it doesn’t matter if you’re tire, fine. However, if you want to contest balls in your place, sound travels, so try in sight outside, then you should be gold- just with your roommates. You’re going to the ticket, the court fee is $105, so pick to keep it as contained as possible. Loud en. If we’re careful, the cops will have no get a ticket anywhere from $200 to $500. your poison. music is inevitable, but try to keep it at a reason to bust our parties, so we can rage What’s even crazier is that even if you only Here’s how it works: “quiet hours” in reasonable level, especially if it’s coming all night if we want. Just be smart about have one guest at your house, according to Burlington kick in at 10 p.m. and end at 7 from somewhere besides the basement. it; don’t be a douche and think you can Burlington law it’s technically a party, and a.m. the next morning. (For all you suck- People come and go from party to get away with blasting tunes and having a that ticket goes up to between $300 and ers on campus, the “quiet hours” Sunday party, but make sure they’re not lingering bonfire on your front lawn – that is, unless $500. through Thursday are from 11:00 p.m. outside your house. The cops are rolling you have a few hundo to spare. g That’s all for a first time offense, too. to 8 a.m., and Friday through Saturday by all over town and drunken college kids If you get another noise complaint within they’re 12 a.m. to 8 a.m.) But don’t let this are obviously the first sign of shenanigans news reflections tunes advertise for your BP’s ideas for rescuing what’s your (ben & the walkmen club or organization with chilean miners the water tower. we’re jerry’s) flavor? by jeremyklein cheaper than the other guys. by emilyhoogesteger by lizcantrell [email protected] by jamesaglio by indigojames They are the Nickelback or Twilight of and Angle part of the lunatic fringe and the inevitable conclusion. Unfortunately Something beautiful is brewing in Ba- political fronts: so easy for us to make fun move on. But all three of these would-be (or maybe fortunately), the Tea Party isn’t varia. Oktoberfest, the one-time wedding of that it’s hardly worth doing so. We mock senators are endorsed not only by the Tea really an organization. The views of its reception, 176-time full-blown drunken them on The Daily Show and walk around Party, but by the Republican party as well. supporters are so dissimilar and their poli- extravaganza, is currently celebrating its in shirts that read, “Hillbillies drink tea?!” The fact is, there are enough voters who cies so impractical that, were Tea Partiers bicentennial. That’s right: for the 177th There are efficient little blogs and Flickr agree with them that the GOP was will- ever to seize control of the government, year out of the past two hundred (the accounts devoted to displaying pictures ing to sell out more moderate candidates, they wouldn’t know what to do with it. It is World Wars and a cholera outbreak inter- of men in tri-cornered hats holding mis- some of whom had been in office for more a fundamentally flawed crusade, but that rupted what would otherwise have been spelled signs so that we can laugh and dis- than a decade. Americans who have been doesn’t make its existence any less potent. two solid centuries), Germans are drink- miss their protests as sheer madness. They ignoring the Tea Party out of disdain must At the very least, it is the manifestation of ing their Gross National Product in beer. are the Tea Party, and they are political now come to the conclusion that it is total- Americans’ dissatisfaction with the way Except it is not just about Germans any- cartoons unto themselves. ly irrelevant whether or not its members that their government functions. more, and that is a very good thing. Considering the people that Tea Partiers are uninformed or even stupid. Tea Par- When a nation’s political spectrum Instead of just being a local, totally in- choose as their is reduced to a sane party, the event has transcended Ba- leaders, it is not “Americans who have been ignoring the Tea Party scale on which varia (and even Germany, for that matter), all that difficult out of disdain must now come to the conclusion its people and Dear water tower, with emilyhoogesteger bringing copious amounts of travelers to understand politicians must from Central Europe and the rest of the why so many that it is totally irrelevant whether or not its lean to one side Get this. Me? I’m a Yellow Taxi driver here in Burlington. Child Labor in New Delhi. Photos have surfaced of young children working to world to partake in Munich’s finest. From people fail to or the other, po- construct venues for the Commonwealth Games, which are happening next month expected beer drinkers like the Austrians take the group members are uninformed or even stupid.” litical opinion is This past Sunday (Sept. 12) morning at 7:35, I’m on Riverside Ave. heading towards in India.

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