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4 REFRESHED | May 2014 contents
FEATURES 9 Reconciled VOLUME 1 | NUMBER 5 A mother fi nds redemption through prison PUBLISHERS Lamar & Theresa Keener experience EDITOR Lori Arnold PROOFREADER Lis Trouten 12 Caring for Riley AD SALES Cynthia Quam-Patterson Child’s journey of suffering teaches family CONTRIBUTORS Joanne Brokaw, Michael Foust, about grace and patience David & Lisa Frisbie, Jon Huckins, David Jeremiah, Mark Larson, Carol LeBeau, Dean Nelson, 15 Honoring Riley Kimberly Ruby, Janice Thompson Grieving family honors lost child with ADVISORY BOARD Mark Rasche, Nelson Keener, ambulance service Carl Schreiber, Brandon Ruby Copyright © 2014 Selah Media Group 18 Unplugged adventure 12 Refreshed is an in de pendent, faith-based magazine Summer camp experience transforms young pub lished monthly by Selah Media Group. It is distributed man’s calling in bulk, free of charge, to hundreds of locations throughout San Diego County. For a 1-year mail subscription, send $24.95 to the address 20 High octane fun below or visit refreshedmag.com. Overnight camps provide great summer Refreshed welcomes story ideas. All unsolicited material is options for ages 8 to 18 subject to approval of the publishers and is not returned. 17 Creative forces at work with KidsFest Viewpoints expressed in Refreshed are those of their respective writers, and are not necessarily held by the 27 ‘Moms’ Night Out:’ A hilarious celebration publishers. of motherhood 18 Reasonable effort is made to screen advertisers, but no endorsement of the publishers is implied or should be inferred. The publishers can accept no responsibility for the products or services offered through ad ver tise ments. The DEPARTMENTS publisher reserves the right to refuse any ad vertis ing. 25 Tunes ADDRESS ALL CORRESPONDENCE TO: P. O. Box 2606, El Cajon, CA 92021 26 Outtakes E-MAIL [email protected] 28 Community news PHONE/FAX (619) 567-7811 AD SALES (619) 609-0921 20
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May 2014 | REFRESHED 5 in plain sight
DEAN NELSON
It starts with water
There are lots of good reasons to go But the local to church. For you it might be the ser- church is changing mons, the music, the community, the this.
celebration of the sacraments, the par- It teamed up with FACEBOOK.COM/HEALINGWATERS SOURCE: PHOTO ticipation in something believers have a Denver organization been doing for thousands of years, the called Healing Waters International, bottles, and receive water for 5 quetzal, children’s program, the sense of tran- which has been putting water fi ltration or less than $1 U.S. The commercial water scendence—of being part of something systems in churches for more than 10 suppliers charge up to 18 Q, or more than bigger than yourselves. years. Healing Waters started out work- $2 U.S. People line up at the church, at But what if the reason you went to ing with churches in the Dominican Re- Pastor Salomon’s home, and at eight other church is that it saved your life? public, and is now in Haiti, throughout locations in the community. Everyone I don’t mean fi guratively. Central America and in parts of Africa. knows where the water is coming from. I mean literally. The success in the partnership is that “This has transformed my church,” Recently I was in a little town called people come to the church for clean, he told me. “It has given our people a Chiquimulilla in southern Guatemala, inexpensive water. Healing Waters in- way to reach others, to build relation- almost to the El Salvador border. The stalled 38 systems in 2013. ships. The water is turning our people church is growing like crazy, and is What’s different about the Chiqui- into evangelists.” planting churches in even more rural mulilla church is that, in addition to Ed Anderson says that the Chiqui- areas. Other pastors are taking note, providing education in proper hygiene mulilla system, like all other Healing and are considering adopting similar and safe health practices for the cus- Waters systems, is designed to not only methods. tomers and parishioners, along with the transform the church, but also the com- What’s drawing people to this affordable clean water, members of the munity. It’s a system that can provide church? church are taking water to areas that safe, affordable drinking water for de- Water. are even harder to reach. Some are even cades, that trains and equips people in Clean, inexpensive, life-giving water. planting new churches in those areas. the community to serve one another, that provides health and hygiene educa- Like many regions in the world, the But it starts with the water. And a tion—particularly for women and chil- water in much of Guatemala is con- vision from the pastor. dren, and that has a business model that taminated. Even the municipal water “Pastor Salomon came to us and said is sustainable for the long term. supply in many cities isn’t safe to drink, ‘Help me achieve what I think God is In John, chapter 4, Jesus says to the because of a lack of proper sanitation. trying to do in my community,’” said Ed woman at the well, “Give me something Out in the harder-to-reach areas like Anderson, CEO of Healing Waters. “He to drink.” In Matthew 25 Jesus makes Chiquimulilla, it’s even worse. The lead- didn’t ask us for money. He asked us to it clear that if you give thirsty people a ing cause of death for children in the participate in what he sensed God was drink, it’s the same as giving it to Jesus. developing world is sickness due to diar- already doing.” And then there’s Revelation 22 that rhea. More kids die of diarrhea-related The Healing Waters staff in Guate- says, in my paraphrase, “Come, everyone diseases than of AIDS, malaria and mea- mala met with Pastor Salomon and saw who is thirsty. Drink freely from the wa- sles combined, according to the Centers that the church was ready to serve its ter of life.” for Disease Control and Prevention. And community in signifi cant ways. it’s all because of contaminated water, “We made sure he understood that we unsafe sanitation and hygiene. weren’t interested in doing something Dean Nelson directs the So people are left with two choices: with short-term solutions,” Anderson said. journalism program at they can boil the water, which is prohibi- “The health of the people in his commu- Point Loma Nazarene tive because of the cost of fuel, or they can nity is a long-term problem, and he made University. His book buy clean water from companies that take it clear that his church was committed to “God Hides in Plain advantage of the scarcity and gouge the saving lives as well as saving souls.” Sight: Seeing the Sacred customers. For many people the choice is Now, on any given day of the week, in a Chaotic World,” is buying food or water. Not both. people line up with their blue 5-gallon published by Brazos Press.
6 REFRESHED | May 2014 Thinking for Tomorrow, Today
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May 2014 | REFRESHED 7 perspective
JON HUCKINS
Jesus’ name is Alecia? Really??
My young daughter Ruby and I were With Ruby still captivated by these beautiful, almost transcendent smile, she going for a long stroll in our neighborhood mini-gardens sprouting from the concrete shook her head and we began to part ways. where we were intentionally practicing road, I said hello and we shared a smile. Mustering up my best Spanish skills, I missional living as leaders of NieuCom- Ruby then looked up and said hello as asked her name and formerly introduced munities church. We did so as my wife, well. Ruby and I were in no rush (clearly!!), myself and Ruby. Her name is Alecia. Janny, put in one of her last long days of so I asked if I could pull one of her carts Alecia, Ruby and I all share a neighbor- work before going on maternity leave for for her as she slowly made her way to her hood. In many ways, we share life together the birth of our second daughter, Rosie. destination. She didn’t hesitate for a sec- even if we don’t often realize it. As Ruby Knowing that our time as a family of three ond, smiling as she nodded. and I sat in the coffee shop, I realized the was quickly coming to a close, I walked The woman pushed one cart, I pushed signifi cance of knowing our neighbors’ hand in hand with my little gal with a bit the other cart, and more sacredness. Ruby pushed the She stopped regularly to smell fl owers; stroller as we slowly It is learning the many names of Jesus she sang songs; and she was convinced it moved down the was her mommy’s birthday, so she made streets of our shared that we choose to engage or ignore in sure to pick the perfect bouquet of fl owers neighborhood. She our everyday coming and going. (most of which were just pretty weeds) to didn’t speak English, surprise her when we got home. but quickly asked if I names. For some, it is an act of being As we stopped yet again on the side- spoke Spanish. I knew enough to tell her known. For others, it is an act of assign- walk, stalled by another “distraction”— that I didn’t know it well, but would love ing dignity to one that may otherwise not this time it was the plants growing out of to give it a shot. As we walked, we stum- have much offered to them based on their the dirt in the cracks of the concrete—I bled through a conversation that ranged race or socio-economic reality. It is what it saw an older woman walking toward us from what I do for work to how old her six means to see all people through a shared with two shopping carts full of all sorts kids are and where they live. Ruby never humanity. A humanity illumined by the of useful contents. As she got closer to us seemed to fl inch at the surprise interac- image of God resting within each one of I noticed that she had to push one about tion and remained focused on her new and us. 20 yards and then walk all the way back to important responsibility of pushing her It is sacred ground. It is Kingdom the other and pull it up even with the fi rst. stroller. ground. It is learning the many names of This happened over and over and over. It Pulling up in front of one our neigh- Jesus that we choose to engage or ignore was her reality. There was nothing strange borhood coffee shops, I told the woman in our everyday coming and going. about it to her, it was just one of life’s ne- that Ruby and I were going to head in and I started a note in my phone called cessities. I asked if she’d like a drink. Extending a “Names to Remember” after our interac- tion. Because next time Jesus walks up to me with one-too-many carts to push on BEST OF BOTH…School and Home Study his own, I want to be able to call him by name and celebrate our time together. HEARTLAND Christian Homeschool Center Jon Huckins is the co- Now enrolling Pre K—12 founding director of An alternative educational program where children The Global Immersion attend school on a two- or three-day-a-week schedule Project, Missional and are home schooled on the alternate days. Leadership Coach with Thresholds, family man, +ENORA $RIVE s 3PRING 6ALLEY #! speaker and author www.heartland-christian.com of “Thin Places” and s “Teaching Through the Art of Storytelling.” Follow his blog at www.jonhuckins.net.
8 REFRESHED | May 2014 After missing two Mother’s Days due to her incarceration, Shannon Brown treasures the special day with her two daughters.
Reconciled A mother fi nds redemption through prison experience by LORI ARNOLD
t is inevitable that the annual rite of mates. We spent time together, looked at dren stayed with various family mem- Mother’s Day changes some when each other’s pictures of our kids, shared bers. Ichildren fl y the coop and Mom is stories and cried with each other.” “My fears during my incarceration faced with an empty nest. It is so much An addict for 17 years, Brown found were, of course, my kids’ well-being,” more so when Mom leaves her full nest herself in a federal lock-up in San Di- their mother said. “I have to tell you, for a season in the barred digs of a fed- ego just a few days after Mother’s Day in I was more worried about them in the eral prison. 2009. Her children were just 11 and 3. world then I was about myself. I was un- “We did things as mothers for our- Charged with drug importation, der lock and key, but anything can hap- selves,” said El Cajon resident Shannon Brown faced 10 years but found favor pen when you’re out and about.” Brown, who, after her conviction on a with a judge who sentenced her to 24 Regular phone calls home eased some drug-related crime, served 18 months at months in October of that year. of the tension, but also served as a con- the 10-story Federal Detention Center, “Standing before the judge, I felt very stant reminder of their emotional and SeaTac in Washington state. scared,” she said. physical separation. “We would make cards for each oth- Two months later, just weeks before “I called and talked to them every day, er and for our own moms. For Mother’s Christmas, Brown turned herself in to and missed them more than words can say,” Day it was just all about each other. We serve her sentence. While Brown spent she said. “But I had no other choice than looked after each other as fellow in- two Mother’s Days behind bars, her chil- to trust in the Lord that they would be OK.
May 2014 | REFRESHED 9 Shannon Brown’s mother, Kathy Redden, never doubted her daughter’s ability to battle past her addictions and the stigma of incarceration. She saw the prison sentence as more of a blessing than a hindrance.
“I never knew that the Salvation Army was a church,” the former inmate said. “For the longest time I thought it was a thrift store. “I had wanted to quit using, but I didn’t know how. I know now and I knew when I was arrested that God was saving me from myself. He literally snatched me out of the grips of death. Being sent to prison was a blessing. I learned how to be clean and sober, I learned who I was, I learned how what I was doing was not only affecting me, but more so my kids and the ones I love.”
Rebuilding relationships “I didn’t really question God why this friends,” she said. “I was an outcast. In the dark days of separation from was happening, I knew this was the only I didn’t fi t in anywhere. I was kind of her children, Brown acknowledged way that I would ever be able to be the like an oddball. When I was in (prison) she also wrestled with her actions as a mother and person that I needed to be. I I made friends with everybody. Nobody daughter. Even though her childhood knew God had a plan for me. That’s why judged me in there like when I was a kid.” was heavily infl uenced by her parents’ He saved me.” Although much of her time was struc- rocky relationship, Brown and her moth- During her incarceration, Brown said tured, there was no escaping the real- er were always tight. she stayed busy taking personal develop- ity of being confi ned. In those moments “My mom was so sad and broken that ment classes and attending chapel. when she was biding time in her cell, I was in prison,” she said. “I had to keep “You don’t want to be in there with Brown loved to glance through the slot- reassuring her that I was OK. She was so idle time, cause then you just go stir cra- ted external windows that cast the only worried about me.” zy,” Brown, 37, said. natural light inside a prison that had no With good behavior credits, Brown A mandated drug education program outside access for roommates. was released from prison six months helped Brown dig deep into the patterns “I was in there a year and half and I early. Just days after Mother’s Day 2011, that fostered her addiction. never got to go outside,’ she said. “I could Brown took her fi rst breath of fresh air in “We focused on what led up to that see outside until they covered the win- 18 months. With her addiction to drugs point and how we are going to have to dows.” behind her, the repentant mom began rebuild our relationships once we got Prison offi cials were forced to frost looking for work. out,” she said. “So we got to really look the windows, she said, to keep the wom- “When I fi rst got out it was so hard,” at ourselves, step aside from ourselves, en from communicating with the nearby she said. “I mean, I put in applications and look deep into who we were. At that men’s block. everywhere and nobody would give me a point I had no idea who I was. I had to- Of all the activities and diversions, break. I would do interviews and then my tally lost sight of who Shannon was.” Brown said it was chapel that ultimately being just released from prison would made most the most infl uence on her come out and they would turn me down. Letting go of the past broken soul. Although Brown, her moth- They wouldn’t say that was the reason In a strange way, Brown’s confi ne- er and kids began regularly attending why, but I never heard from them again.” ment managed to heal childhood wounds The Salvation Army Church at the El Ca- In the meantime, she headed back to as she bonded with women who had sim- jon Corps offi ce two years before her ar- her home church where she began vol- ilar experiences. rest, she admitted her longstanding ad- unteering and working on earning back “As a kid, when I was growing up, I dition to drugs proved to be a persistent her family’s trust. was very unpopular, I didn’t have any deterrent to cleaning up her life. “My mom was deeply affected by me
10 REFRESHED | May 2014 “Getting to be with my kids and being the mom that they needed and they deserved all this time is very special to me.”
going to prison, and rebuilding my rela- tionship with her and my kids took some time, and a great deal of tears,” she said. “My mom and I have always been very close, and the pain I caused her and my kids —still to this day—makes me feel awful.” Over time, and without any solid job prospects, Brown volunteered her way into various paid jobs with the El Cajon Salvation Army, which earlier this year offered her a job with the center’s after- school program. “Of course, I jumped on that because any opportunity to be at the church was where I wanted to be,” she said. “I had prayed and I prayed.” moments for her oldest daughter who is been saying that all along. ‘This is where Despite warnings from friends that still working through her bitterness and I want to work, this is where I want to Brown was likely to falter again, her disappointment. work.’ I’m there and I’m just so thank- mother fi rmly believed her daughter had “My teenager, she was really broken ful that, ‘Wow, I’ve achieved something learned her lesson. and we are still working on our rela- here.’” “She had her children taken away tionship. She still has quite a wall built A new outlook from her,” Redden said. “She had her life up so being a mom to her and showing Since her release, Brown acknowledg- taken away from her. I knew that this her that I’m sorry for what I did (is my es that the meaning of Mother’s Day has would not happen again. I knew that this focus).” shifted as she works to repair her once- is what it took to make her realize that Even now, nearly three years removed broken relationships. you can’t do something like this and not from her prison stint, Brown considers “For me, it’s all about my mom be- go through the consequences; but I knew how far she has come and the plight of cause she stood by me the whole time,” she would learn from it because she’s some of the hard-core women she left she said. “She was so heartbroken and smart. behind in Seattle. devastated that I was in there and she “And now I just can’t believe how “Some of the women in there, they has been such a blessing to me. She nev- wonderful, how beautiful, how straight had kids and some of them were never er lost faith or hope. (She knew I was not) forward, how honest, how concerned she going to see their kids again because of going to go back to my old ways.” is with everything. She is, by the defi ni- the crimes they had committed and they Her mother, Kathy Redden, said she tion of the word, the most changed per- didn’t seem to care,” Brown recalled. never really doubted her daughter’s abil- son but yet, at the same time, the same.” “Some of the women in there were just ity to battle past her addictions and the so …like, using the place like a revolv- stigma of incarceration. Truthfully, she A special gift ing door. They were just going to go back saw the prison sentence as more of a While tradition has it that children out there and do it all over again because blessing than a hindrance. shower their moms with gifts, Brown they were making so much money doing “In a way I was relieved because I said she is focused on gifting her chil- whatever they doing. thought, ‘Well, now she is going to have dren with a whole and healthy mom. “I thought, ‘Wow, but not me. You will to pay the price,’” Redden said. “I was “Getting to be with my kids and be- never see me in here again. Never.’ scared for her. I was afraid she would ing the mom that they needed and they “I am doing everything in my power get beat up. I was afraid she would beat deserved all this time is very special to not to go there again. It was the most somebody else up and get a longer term me,” she said. eye-opening experience I’ve ever had in or something like that. I prayed and I Even so, there are still challenging my life.” ■
May 2014 | REFRESHED 11 Caring for Riley
Child’s journey of suffering teaches family about grace and patience by LORI ARNOLD
aurie Spiering was well-versed in the behavior of boys by the time Lher fi fth son, Riley, arrived, so years later when the kindergartener came home from school and began taking af- ternoon naps, she became suspicious. “I found a bump behind his ear which felt like a cyst,” she said. “We were doing a staycation in San Diego and one thing led to another. With the Lord’s prompt- ing we took him to the pediatrician im- mediately.” The doctor’s body language and his order of an emergency blood test con- est son of age 6 has cancer is devastating came to the procedural expectations of fi rmed their fears. and shocking,” Laurie said. “I knew what cancer, the emotional reality of a 6-year- “When the call came in from the doc- was coming. old coping with a life-threatening dis- tor that next morning I promptly put the “In a way my caregiving experience ease created an unexpected fog. phone down and ran for my husband,” with my husband helped me to know “During the early stages of diagnosis she said. “I normally would have spoken from experience that chemo will be it felt like we had been in an accident and to him but I just knew in my gut this call harsh, but for a greater good. In lots of stuck in the hospital for weeks,” she said. had to be for my husband.” ways, I realized later, the hard chemo “It is the dazed phase as I felt unable to Not only was her husband, Robin, an journey with my husband was prepara- focus on life that was swirling around us, internal medicine physician, he was a tion for what was to come with my sweet, and ours had just hit a Mack truck head- two-time cancer survivor. Riley, the doc- young 6-year-old. I was stronger to han- on, unable to move. After a few years it tor announced, had acute myeloid leuke- dle the fi rst chemo bag being hung in the didn’t get any easier, but the Lord pro- mia. ICU the fi rst night we arrived for Riley.” vided the strength to get through each “Hearing the news that your young- Although well-seasoned when it step and hard hurdle that Riley had to
12 REFRESHED | May 2014 Her biggest fear was not the possibility of losing Riley, but having my full attention,” she said. “It is hard to witness his perpetual suffering. enough to spread yourself with fi ve boys under normal circumstances.” get over.” Even with their help, Laurie admits that Accepting help Her biggest fear was not the possibil- she often struggled with the tensions of Laurie admits that accepting help was ity of losing Riley, but having to witness serving her large family and meeting Ri- not always easy. his perpetual suffering. ley’s persistent medical needs. “Let others help you when they offer,” “I didn’t fear death for him, although “I was torn inside when so much time she said. “I can’t do everything myself my mother’s heart felt we didn’t have was needed to spend on all of Riley’s care and it’s OK to let others help you. I my- much time with him early on in the jour- and that the other boys were not getting self am a great helper and those kinds of ney,” she said. “Man gave him a 50 per- cent chance, but my husband (told) us that with God it is 100 percent, here or in Heaven.”
Young grace Even though her son’s body was con- stantly under attack—if not by the dis- ease then by the treatment designed to suppress it—Laurie said it was often Ri- ley who gave them support. “He always took the suffering with such grace and did not have a spirit of complaining in any way,” she said. “He was an example to us all.” Leave it to a pain-plagued child to teach his mom about patience in the midst of suffering. “(He had) great faith and trust in His Savior,” Laurie said. “Riley said, ‘I have no anxiety at all! I am joyous to be here with you or in Heaven.’” Riley’s illness also taught his mom to trust her instincts when it came to ad- vocating on his behalf. Throughout the ordeal, she carefully maintained journals which provided benefi cial not only to herself, but to the doctors and nurses. In addition to the medical staff at Children’s Hospital, the Spierings were often blessed by a large network of peo- ple who chipped in as needed. “When Riley was fi rst diagnosed the other boys were 15, 13, 11 and 9, tender ages that needed a lot of attention,” she said. “We had an incredible Christian school body that supported us in ev- ery area. The teachers helped meet the boys’ needs at school and anything else we needed done. Two of the teachers made lunches for our kids for two years straight.”
May 2014 | REFRESHED 13 “…I pleaded with God to please take him home or heal him completely so but symbolic approach by launching Ri- he would not suffer anymore.” leyCare Ambulance Services. Much of their attention in the al- personalities have a hard time when the Maker. most four years since Riley’s death has tables are reversed, (when they’re) re- “Near the end stages, when he was been focused on the business enterprise, ceiving the help.” suffering quite a bit, daily I pleaded with which donates 10 percent of its profi ts A much easier proposition for her God to please take him home or heal him to pediatric cancer research and other Laurie, she said, was trusting God, espe- completely so he would not suffer any- foundations committed to patients with cially when it came to the intangible ele- more,” his mom said. “God chose to heal life-threatening diseases. While it has ments of their journey. him in Heaven.” helped with the grief, Laurie acknowl- “Without a relationship and trust in He answered her prayer in August edges that is a long process that they are our Lord and Savior to see you through 2010 when the disease fi nally took his working through together. and give you strength I don’t see how life at age 12. “Grief can’t be scheduled and given a ‘getting through’ would’ve worked out Just as they had done as they fought time slot,” she said. “Grief comes at un- on our own strength,” she said. “With together for Riley’s life, the Spierings expected times and is brought on by a God ALL things are possible and He pro- turned to each other in their grief. A key smell, song, or touch of a loved one who vides strength in the exact dose He sees to working through that pain was devel- is also grieving. Each family member fi t to dispense it to you, daily and mo- oping a plan to honor Riley. While many grieves in the stages at different times ment by moment.” families turn to scholarships or founda- and each one cannot judge the other for It was that trust, she added, that al- tions to keep their loved one’s memory being in a certain stage or not. Riley en- lowed her to turn Riley’s fate over to his alive, the Spierings developed a unique, riched each one of our lives greatly.” ■
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14 REFRESHED | May 2014 Honoring Riley Grieving family honors lost child with ambulance service by LORI ARNOLD
obin and Laurie Spiering walked out of the mortuary after sign- Ring the fi nal paperwork for their 12-year-old son Riley, whom they lost to leukemia. As with most mourning moms, Laurie’s heart was focused on the past and the six emotion-numbing years of leukemia treatments, tempered by spo- radic spells of good news. On the cusp of grief, the future seemed a long way off.
But Robin was already looking ahead. family believed, was a way to honor Riley Though the ink had barely dried on the by helping others with medical needs. paperwork, Laurie listened as her hus- It would also provide a way for them to band—a physician with his own private help fund pediatric cancer research by practice—proposed launching an ambu- designating 10 percent of all profi ts to- lance service as a way to pay tribute to ward the cause. their youngest child. Despite her initial reservations, Laurie “I was not a risk taker and was ex- quickly embraced the vision and offered up tremely tired from six years of caregiv- the name: RileyCare Ambulance Service. In ing,” Laurie said. “For my husband and October 2012, a little more than two years boys it was fuel to deal with the grief. For after her son’s passing, white ambulances me it was stress, too many unknowns.” boasting a bright purple stripe, a nod to But the idea for the ambulance service Riley’s favorite color, began transporting seemed like a perfect fi t for the family. In patients. Today, the company has four am- addition to the medical expertise Robin of- bulances—each bearing the name of a child fered, their four surviving boys, then 21, 19, who died of cancer. 17 and 15, all had interest in the medical The El Cajon-based company handles fi eld. Oldest sons Roumayne and Richard about 200 calls a month, providing basic were both emergency medical technicians, life support services as well as long-dis- Laurie Spiering, left, is the administratior and CFO while the two younger sons, Ryan and Rob- tance transports, critical-care transports of RileyCare Ambulance Services. Her son Richard ert, had dreams of becoming doctors. and special-event management. is the CEO. Starting the company, the men in her Richard, now 23, serves as chief of op-
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erations, while Laurie is chief fi nancial cer. As the boys grew older and Riley’s offi cer. In keeping with the family tradi- battle waged on, the siblings would of- TRUSTWORTHY CUSTOMER SERVICE tion, Laurie completed EMT training so ten drive to the hospital to bring their North County’s she can assist with patient care. While mom something as she cared for Riley. those two focus on the day-to-day op- “Our children—boys, young men best in new car erations of RileyCare, Roumayne, 25, is a of God—were amazing from day one. buying experience fi refi ghter-paramedic. Their two young- Self-sacrifi cing of friends, time, ac- est sons are both in college, with Ryan, tivities, anything for their youngest Also many makes and models 21, planning on becoming a surgeon, brother. They remain resolved, strong of certifi ed preowned cars while Robert, 19, envisions becoming a men of faith who had to grow up fast pediatric oncologist. in the midst of a turbulent journey we The boys’ dedication to the medi- all were on.” Contact us today cal fi eld echoes the same passion they That commitment to care for oth- about your next car purchase shared in caring for their younger broth- ers serves as the foundation for Riley- er, who Laurie described as highly intel- Care, which has become known for its ligent. stuffed Riley Bears that are offered to “He loved to be funny, loved reading, each patient they transport. singing, playing the piano by ear and in- “We wanted to make a difference teracting with adults,” she said, “He was in our patients’ experience as they a terrifi c student and loved to learn. His are transported,” she said. “Many are four older brothers loved to spoil him elderly and, oh, how they adore the M.K. Jones from the day he was born to the day he bears. We have seen these bears make 760-532-2854 went home to be with his Lord. Riley had an impact on these older adults and [email protected] his oldest brother’s ability to talk non- brighten their day. Often when we stop, his second oldest brother’s sense of stroll through the nursing homes at humor, his third oldest brother’s black- different times we will see the bears in and-white approach to the Scripture and rooms on their bed or dresser. That’s logical reasoning, and his fourth-oldest special.” ■ Charles Jones brother’s tender heart.” 760-294-2166 [email protected] Two of the brothers donated bone Learn more at www.rileycareambu- morrow in hopes of curing Riley’s can- lance.com.
16 REFRESHED | May 2014 Creative forces at work with KidsFest
KidsFest San Diego, billed as the county’s largest hands-on creative fes- tival for children, returns to the Naval Training Center’s Ingram Plaza on May 17 and 18. An estimated 7,000 people are expected for the event. Each year, the family-inspired event turns 100,000 square feet of Point Loma IF YOU GO real estate into a “wonderland of play, with activities designed to stimulate and WHAT: KidsFest San Diego WHEN: May 17 - 18 celebrate the imagination.” WHERE: Naval Training Center’s Ingram Plaza The two-day playfest is hosted by FEATURES: Messy Zone, Creation Station, the Chloe Nichols Foundation, named Green Thumb Market, Build It Square, for the 8-year-old girl whose “spirit and Dress-Up Alley, Gumball Alley, Bubble determination inspires others to reach Zone, Snack Shack, Raise the Roof for and achieve their goals. Chloe was Tickets: kidsfestsandiego.com a fi ercely determined girl who never backed down from a challenge. She was a ceeds from the event will benefi t Chloe’s very imaginative and creative child who foundation and other children’s chari- loved stories, art and all things ‘girly.’” ties, including the Jenna Druck Center. Chloe passed away in August 2009 New to this year’s festival is an ap- from drug-related complications from a pearance by Hullabaloo, a popular folk, prescription she was taking for mild epi- funk and rock band for children. lepsy. In keeping with her creative na- Other activities include the Messy ture, the foundation raises scholarships Zone, fi lled with mud, muck and messy for students interested in the arts. Pro- fun; Creation Station, a make-and-take crafts station; Green Thumb Market, a cre- ative space for “budding” gar- Gumball Alley and Bubble Zone, where kids deners; Build can kick, bang, ram and bam hundreds of It Construction jumbo “gumballs”; Snack Shack for young Square, where chefs; Shake, Rattle and Roll, for aspiring young guests musicians to make their own take-home can construct instruments; and Raise the Roof, a 70- by a castle, design 70-foot “roof” made out of 100,000 yards of a reading nook, colorful elastic for those who want to have or just play crazy, hands-on, tangled, twisted fun. and create; Other offerings include a Food Truck Dress-Up Alley Lunch Room, where families can pur- for kids who chase a variety of eats, the VIP Stroller like to get red- Valet, and complimentary parking. A carpet ready; vendor area will also be on-site.
May 2014 | REFRESHED 17 Unplugged adventure Summer camp experience transforms young man’s calling by LORI ARNOLD
Nathan and Jessica Threlkeld return rowing up in Ramona, a rural though, during spring break of his soph- to Indian Hills Camp this summer as playground of 84,000-plus acres, omore year when offi cials at his high part of the program staff. The couple many of them ringed by moun- school asked him to serve as a middle met while volunteering for the teen G tains, and dotted with trails and expan- school camp counselor. By the end of the Team Program. sive open space, Nathan Threlkeld never weeklong session, he was already being felt a pressing need to attend summer groomed for the summer. camp, a staple for many kids raised in “I had awesome plans in store for that Christian homes. summer,” Threlkeld, 25, said. “It would “Camp ministry had never been on be my fi rst summer with my own vehicle my radar,” he said. “I didn’t go to camp and license. I had a job lined up with a as a kid, I didn’t live near a camp and as a mountain bike shop that I was super result I certainly didn’t think about camp jazzed about. as a way to spend my summer.” “In my heart, however, I felt that tug He got his fi rst taste of the concept, telling me I needed to go to camp. God was asking me what was most important, a job and a good time, or seeking and serving Him?” The high-schooler responded to the inner voice and put his plans for the summer job on hiatus while he volun- teered for Indian Hills Camp in Jamul. “Camp is where I made the decision to really own my faith and live my life for Christ,” he said. “Little did I know that camp would be such a signifi cant part of my future.” Over the course of three more sum- mers, Threlkeld continued to grow, be- Nathan Threlkeld coming more comfortable in working fi rst came to Indian with impressionable youth. Hills as a teenager. “Full-time ministry always seemed Later he interned like something for more righteous, spiri- as an outdoor tual people,” he said. “It never really oc- education teacher. curred to me that I could wind up doing
18 REFRESHED | May 2014 ministry beyond teaching Sunday school or helping with youth group.” But by the time he shed his teens, Threlkeld said it was time to move on and begin thinking about what he would do for a living. “It was time to get a real job and a real life,” he said. By then he was working at a commer- cial air-conditioning company and going to trade school at night. “One night after work I opened a let- ter from Indian Hills Camp inviting me to join a team headed to Eastern Eu- rope for fi ve weeks to serve at a couple of camp startups,” he said. “It was like God’s fi nger was pointing out of that letter and telling me to go. Never have I been so overwhelmed by God’s ‘voice.’” Threlkeld responded again, this time was prohibited by Indian Hills’ strict “no Back to his roots walking away from a $16-an-hour job dating” policy. Even so, the couple plans to return knowing that by the end of the summer, “The whole summer we could have shortly to Indian Hills where he will take he would once again be looking for a way assured you that we certainly were not a new position as assistant program di- to support himself. interested in the other, and maybe be- rector. They will arrive as soon as they “Throughout that summer people re- lieved it, too,” Threlkeld said. “Obvious- are able to raise missionary support to peatedly approached me about the idea ly, that was bunk.” fund his salary. of me doing camping ministry as a ca- After camp ended the two offi cially “It is a perfect fi t since it allows me reer,” he said. “I had always seen camp as began dating. both administrative and supervisory du- a season, and never a career, let alone an “To our credit though, we waited a ties, as well as the chance to work with obtainable one.” full three months after camp ended to the campers through teaching and run- But camp opportunities continued start dating,” he said. ning program,” he said. to come, including an internship with They married three years ago. Their Threlkeld said he believes Christian housing at Indian Hills. fi rst child, Breanna, is now 9 months old. camps are so formational because of the “God used Indian Hills to reveal His “Camp was the perfect place for us to intimate sense of community that is es- calling on my life to serve in camping meet each other,” he said. “My wife and tablished when all of the normal distrac- ministry,” Threlkeld said. “Since then I are dramatically different people. Out- tions are miles away. everywhere I have lived and during ev- side of camp I don’t think we would’ve “You are all on this same adventure ery season I’ve been in, I have somehow found each other, actually. But we both sharing the same experience while liv- found myself involved with a camp.” share a love for people and for seeing ing, playing, eating and sleeping to- people make life-changing decisions for gether day in and day out,” he said. “This Building relationships Christ, and for the signifi cant personal removal and this community, combined, In addition to building relationships relationships that camp promotes.” are a powerful mix. They allow an open- with the young campers, many of the Today, the couple lives in Prescott, ness and intimacy in relationships that staffers at Indian Hills become close Ariz., where Threlkeld works for a mostly you don’t get from other programs. as they work side by side for months at secular-based adventure company called “I love the outdoors. I am passionate time. It was there that Threlkeld met his Tierra Wild. about sharing the majesty and beauty of future bride, Jessica. Like Nathan, Jessica “We seek opportunities to model and God’s creation with others. Ultimately enjoyed San Diego’s outdoor offerings to share Christ through the personal however, camp is about building rela- as a child. The two became fast friends relationships we have with our partici- tionships. The outdoors just happens to throughout the summer; anything more pants,” he said of the Arizona job. be the perfect place for that.” ■
May 2014 | REFRESHED 19 20 REFRESHED | May 2014 High octane
Overnight camps provide great summerer FUNooptionsptions fforor aagesges 8 ttoo 1188 by LORI ARNOLD
or decades, summer camps have proven to be combination of the great outdoors, coupled with an effective ministry tool to get children out God’s Word and passionate counselors have helped Fof their regular surroundings—including the to shape millions of young people. Following is a 24/7 distractions of cell phones, social media and sampling of Christian camp opportunities in San gaming—and into the midst of God’s creation. The Diego and surrounding counties.
Students who enroll at Hume San Diego summer camps are treated to a variety of outdoor sports games designed for fun and to build relationships with their peers. Held at Artist Norm Daniels adds some strokes to a canvas in his garage studio in Pine Point Loma Nazarene University, the camps offer stunning Valley. His lifelong love of the ocean is a common theme in many of his works. views and beach access as part of the tailor-made outdoor experience for junior and high school students.
May 2014 | REFRESHED 21 The dirt track at Indians Hills Camp provides children with the chance to play on wheels— and get dirty.
CAMPS AT A GLANCE
Indian Hills Camp 15763 Lyons Valley Road Jamul, CA 91935 (619) 669-6498 www.indianhillscamp.com
Hume San Diego Camp Point Loma Nazarene University 3900 Lomaland Drive San Diego, CA 92106 (559) 305-7770 www.humelake.org/youth
Palomar Christian Conference Center 34764 Doane Valley Road Palomar Mountain, CA 92060 (760) 742-3400 www.pccc.org
Pine Valley Bible Conference 8668 Pine Creek Road Pine Valley, CA 91962 (619) 473-8879 www.pvbc.net
Alpine Camp & Conference Center 415 Club House Drive Blue Jay, CA 92317 1-800-350-6289 www.alpine-cc.org Indian Hills Camp the general aspect of maintaining the Located in Jamul, Indian Hills offers facilities and grounds and assisting in Angeles Crest Christian Camps summer camps for children who will en- the program activities. Along with the HC1 Box 22 experience and discipline they gain in La Canada, CA 91011 ter the fall school year in the second to (714) 870-9190 fi fth grades. The camp, which runs Sun- working various projects, a daily dis- www.angelescrest.com days to Fridays, starts June 22. cipleship program helps them mature in This year’s theme is “Tombstone.” their Christian faith. Many of the teens Forest Home Christian Against the backdrop of legendary gun that complete this program later become Conference Center fi ghters and pioneers, campers will learn camp counselors and some are sent to 40000 Valley of the Falls Drive a bit about the Bible’s own “Legends of foreign countries to assist or train others Forest Falls, CA 92339 Faith,” their part in the story of God and how to put on Christian camps. (909) 389-2300 the amazing things they did. www.foresthome.org The Wild West-themed camp, com- Pine Valley Bible Conference Center plete with covered wagons and teepees, The camp offers its annual As- offers an animal farmyard, hiking trails, cent High School Service & Disciple- giant playground, obstacle course, BMX ship Camp, a two-week program for bike track, softball, soccer, volleyball, high school students. During their stay, basketball and swimming pools. campers will assist full-time and sea- Additional activities, including sonal staff in ministering to other guest ziplines, animal antics and one instilling groups at the facility. The discipleship survivor activities, are also available. component includes morning devotions, Indian Hills has developed a stellar team discussions and prayer, campfi re reputation for its summer Team Pro- worship, and other discipleship exercises gram. High school-aged teens help in led by Pine Valley staff. The camp will be
22 REFRESHED | May 2014 offered June 9 to 20; June 23 to July 4; held June 22 to 28. July 7 to 18 and July 21 to Aug. 1. New this year is Base Camp, a co-ed Church groups can book their own experience for junior high boys and girls camp using the resources offered who are going into the sixth through through the Expedition Outback Adven- ninth grades. The boys and girls will be ture. Camp staff provide the day-time on separate teams as they travel around activities while church counselors pro- to different activities and learn how to vide the night program. On-site activi- work and grow together. Base Camp—of- ties include paintball, ropes course, team fered June 1 to 7, June 8 to 14, and June building course, infl atables, disc golf, 15 to 21—will have nightly Summit wor- sand volleyball, lighted basketball court, ship services, devotions, and cabin time horseshoes, sports fi eld, camp fi res, tire with counselors. Each evening will offer swing, archery, slip ‘n’ slide, rappelling, a special theme. hiking, crafts, game room, Elevation Gift Shop, Altitude Coffee Shop and guided Hume San Diego Summer Camp hikes. One of the state’s premier camps, Hume Lake outside of Fresno, has Palomar Christian Conference Center brought its summer experience south Families looking for unique camping through Hume SD, described as a seam- experiences will fi nd several options at less blend of Hume Lake and San Diego. this North County facility, ranging from Tapping into urban missions and beach- a girls’ horse camp to a wilderness-ori- front activities available at the home ented experience for boys. base at Point Loma Nazarene University, The girls’ horse camp is divided into Hume SD provides powerful corporate two age groups: junior high for 9- to worship, compelling teaching and full- 13-year-olds, and high school for 13- to throttle recreation for both junior high- 18-year-olds. (Thirteen-year-olds may ers, grades six to eight, and high school- select which camp they wish to attend.) ers, grades nine to 12. This year’s theme Junior high horse camp will be June 22 is “Axe.” to 28, June 29 to July 5, July 13 to 19, and Each camp offers a featured speaker, July 20 to July 26. Senior high camp is of- and numerous service opportunities in fered June 15 to 21, July 6 to 12, July 27 to partnership with local urban and inter- Aug. 2, and Aug. 3 to Aug. 9. national mission organizations. Through Wrangler in Training, for girls who are those partnerships, Hume SD provides experienced riders and are at least 16 or campers and counselors with safe, su- have completed 10th grade, is offered for pervised opportunities to serve people campers wishing to put their own skills in immediate, tangible ways. Built into to work helping the staff assist Horse each day’s programming is an hour of Camp guests. In addition to aiding staff, recreational time, plus such on-campus the teen assistants will also participate diversions as disk golf, basketball, ping- in spiritual development activities. pong, billiards, foosball, volleyball and a Adventure Camp is a program de- mechanical bull. Those signing an off- signed for boys and includes backpack- campus release may take advantage of a Campers have a variety of outdoor climbing options, ing in the great outdoors with trained variety of nearby water sports. including an obstacle course. counselors. Campers will receive dif- Junior high camp is scheduled for ferent wilderness lessons such as knife June 15 to 20 and July 6 to 11. The camp and conference center has throwing, shelter building, land navi- High school camp is scheduled for also scheduled two junior high camps gation, and fi shing, while main camp June 22 to 27 and June 29 to July 4. for July 20 to 25 and July 27 to Aug. 1. A activities will include paintball, skeet single high school camp is offered from shooting, and zip line. Camps for 11- to Alpine Camp & Conference Center July 13 to 18. 14-year-olds are offered from June 15 to Makuala Village is a resident camp for New this year is a junior and high 21, July 6 to 12, July 13 to 19, and July 20 fourth- to sixth-graders that runs July 13 school combo camp for grades six to 12. to 26. A camp for teens 15 to 18 will be to 18; July 20 to 25 and July 27 to Aug. 1. It runs from Aug. 3 to 8.
May 2014 | REFRESHED 23 Campers at Pine Valley Bible Conference play a version of dodge ball called Gaga Ball. Campers enjoy the western theme of Indian Hills from the elevated platform of a fort.
Angeles Crest Christian Camp Forest Home Christian The facility will offer three differ- Conference Center ent age-appropriate camps, all shar- Forest Home Christian Confer- ing this year’s theme of “Heroes: They ence Center offers weekly, age- Walk Among Us.” appropriate camps from June 15 to In addition to traditional camp ac- Aug. 14. Its primary-age camps have commodations, activities at Angeles at least one designated week with Crest includes canoeing, paintball special rates. target range, basketball, sand volley- The Village Summer Camp, for ball, digglers, (a cross between a BMX third- to fi fth-graders, offers special bike & a scooter), archery, a climbing rates from June 15 to 20. The theme is wall, trampoline, hiking trails, a game “Strong and Mighty.” room, Frisbee golf, Isaiah’s Perch, the Adventure Mountain Summer zip line, Zaccheus’ Tree House, and Camp, for fi fth to sixth graders, is of- The Hut, a local hangout and snack fering special rates for June 15 to 20 bar. and Aug. 10 to 15. The theme is “Wild The fi rst offering of the year, the Kingdom.” Junior Camp for children in the third The theme for the Junior High Sum- through sixth grades, will run from mer Camp at Creekside, for sixth- to July 6 to 11. The Youth Camp, for ju- eighth-graders, is “The Eternal Sum- nior high and high school ages, is set mer.” for Aug 3 to 8. Junior Weekend, also for The High School Summer Camp at third- through sixth-graders, is an ab- Lakeview, for students in grades nine breviated camp that is offered Aug. 8 through 12, will explore the theme to 10. “Thrive: Life Amidst Decay.” ■
24 REFRESHED | May 2014 tunes
Music benefi ts the ‘storks’ “Good Morning America,” is hoping for Artist Garden Entertainment singer- a similar outcome for her studio album, songwriter Holly Starr has wrapped up a If We’re Honest, which was scheduled for 23-city tour with national youth speaker release April 22. Bob Lenz, where she performed her lat- Advance publicity for the project, est single “God Is.” produced by her longtime collaborator Starr said the song offers a clear view Ian Eskelin, a Grammy-nominated and of God’s characteristics. Dove Award-winning producer, says the “It is a deep album “reveals her most intimate and desire of mine accomplished musical statement yet and to simply share showcases her trademark pop and soul- with others infused sound.” the character Battistelli’s two previous albums, de- Fred Hammond will headline the Gospel Festival at of God, to be the 2014 San Diego County Fair. but release My Paper Heart and sopho- a voice of en- more project Hundred More Years, hit No. couragement to the church, and a voice fair admission for unreserved seats, but 1 on Billboard’s Christian Album chart. to share about who God is with those reserved seats may be purchased for an With her most recent release in 2011, she who might not know Him,” she said. “He additional fee. garnered Artist is our promise. Our refuge. Our strength.” of the Year, Fe- Her recently completed “Save the Writing her own story male Vocalist of Storks” tour raised money for and aware- Francesca Battistelli, whose single the Year and Pop/ ness of local pregnancy resource centers. “Write Your Story” peaked at No. 4 on Recorded Song of Starr is known for her loyal online Billboard’s Hot Christian Songs list after the Year at the fan base. The music videos for Starr’s her live performance earlier this year on Dove Awards. previous singles “Don’t Have Love” and “Through My Father’s Eyes” have collec- tively exceeded 1 million YouTube views to date. Gospel Festival returns to Del Mar Fair The San Diego County Fair’s 10th An- nual Gospel Festival, a daylong tribute using fi ve stages, will be held June 28 at the Del Mar Fairgrounds. The Grandstand Stage headliner will be award-winning gospel artist Fred Hammond. A singer, songwriter, bassist and producer, Hammond earned a 2008 Grammy Award for Best Contemporary R&B Gospel Album for “Free to Wor- ship.” He has also earned six Dove Awards, including Urban Album, Contemporary Gospel Album, Contemporary Gospel Song and Inspirational Album, and four Stellar Awards for Producer and Male Vo- calist of the Year. Three of his albums— Love Unstoppable (2009), God, Love & Romance (2012) and United Tenors (2013)—reached No. 1 on the Top Gospel Album chart. Other gospel groups and solo acts will be added in the coming weeks. The Grandstand show is free with
May 2014 | REFRESHED 25 outtakes
fi lm chronicles Mullin’s journey, beginning approximately onethird of U.S. children as a young child. live without their fathers; 85 percent of “This is a story of redemption,” Mullins’ all youths in prison come from fatherless longtime friend Kathy Sprinkle told Assist homes and 80 percent of youth gang mem- News Service. “Hard things can happen to bers come out of fatherless homes us in our lives, but if we’re willing to face “The fi lm lifts up God’s design for the them down, understand, or to seek help family and brings to the culture an aspi- from other people, God can redeem those rational view of why God’s design for the things.” family is still the best design, and how peo- Sprinkle acknowledged Mullins was not ple of faith can preserve family values,” the the type of person who would be comfort- fi lm’s publicists said. able with the focus so squarely on him. But she said, “I think if Rich saw the truth and redemption in the movie, and if he thought it would help even one person, relationship-wise, he would say, ‘Have at it.’ I think he would appreciate the healing part of this movie.” Dual fi lm projects chronicle For more information on the feature fi lm, spiritual journey of the late visit www.ragamuffi nthemovie.com. Rich Mullins A new documentary fi lm chronicling ‘Irreplaceable’ the life of the late Rich Mullins, the Chris- The role of the family takes center stage tian musician who wrote the wildly popu- in “Irreplaceable,” a new documentary by lar song “Awesome God,” has been released Fathom Events, Focus on the Family and even as a movie on his life will be released Pine Creek Entertainment. The fi lm was set in limited theaters across the country. to debut May 6. “Rich Mullins: A Ragamuffi n’s Legacy,” “Irreplaceable” follows Tim Sisarich, ‘The Nut Job’ features behind-the-scenes footage as well executive director of Focus on the Family The animated, action-packed comedy as exclusive interviews with friends and New Zealand, as he explores the answers “The Nut Job,” starring Will Arnett (“De- family garnered during the research phase to two critical questions: “What is family?” spicable Me,” “Ratatouille”), has released for the feature fi lm, “Ragamuffi n: The True and “Does family still matter in today’s so- on Blu-ray, DVD and Digital HD. The in- Story of Rich Mullins.” Mullins released ciety?” Transversing the globe, “Irreplace- spiring adventure is also available on de- eight albums and a musical before being able” attempts to answer these central mand from Universal Studios Home Enter- killed in a 1997 automobile crash on his questions by spotlighting cultural, histori- tainment. way to a benefi t concert. His fi nal album, cal and religious experiences. Arnett plays Surly, a mischievous and The Jesus Record, featuring cuts he made According to the documentary’s pro- selfi sh squirrel, who is on a mission: to on a mini-recorder, was released posthu- ducers, half of all American children will fi nd—and then hoard—the tastiest nuts mously. witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage; In his later years, Mullins shunned what for winter. When he discovers a whole he believed to be an ineffective church, store fi lled with his favorite food, he plans preferring instead to spend his time with a heist of nutrageous proportions. But the the poor. He lived for a time on a Navajo place turns out to be owned by ruthless Indian reservation and his musical, “Can- bank robbers so it’s up to Surly and his fur- ticle of the Plains,” was a modern tribute ry friends to stop the nearby bank heist and to St. Francis of Assisi, one of his spiritual save the town. Along the way Surly learns infl uences. about commitment, sacrifi ce and what it He was posthumously honored by his means to be a true friend. peers with three Gospel Music Association The fi lm, which drew stellar reviews Awards for Artist of the Year, Song of the from Focus on the Family, the Dove Foun- Year and Songwriter of the Year. Tim Sisarich, executive director of Focus on the dation, Movieguide and Catholic News The full-length movie, produced by Family New Zealand, narrates the documentary Service, also stars Brendan Fraser (“The Color Green Films, is scheduled for a May 2 “Irreplaceable,” which explores the role of family Mummy,” “Gimme Shelter”), Liam Neeson release in 30 U.S. cities, including Irvine. A against the backdrop of cultural, historical and (“Non-Stop,” “The Grey”) and Katherine testimony on overcoming brokenness, the religious experiences. Heigl (“The Love Series,” “27 Dresses”).
26 REFRESHED | May 2014 movie review
‘Moms’ Night Out:’ A hilarious celebration of motherhood by MICHAEL FOUST
This month there will be lots of moms walking out of theaters from coast to coast proclaiming, “That’s the best mov- ie I’ve ever seen.” Seconds later they may add, “And the funniest.” The fi lm, which opens May 9, is called “Moms’ Night Out,” and it’s the latest movie from the brother/director duo who brought us the successful 2012 faith- based fi lm “October Baby.” While that one would be best described as “good,” their latest endeavor easily deserves the label of “great.” It’s faith-based, mainstream, inspira- tional and hilarious—so much so that I watched it twice. It does for moms what “Courageous” did for dads—that is, af- fi rm, inspire and encourage them, mak- ing them want to become better at their God-given role. If they begin the movie feeling beaten down, they’ll end it lifted up. And laughing. And likely crying. “Moms’ Night Out” spotlights a stressed-out young mom, Allyson (Sarah Drew), who wants a night away from the house with two of her friends at a nice restaurant. With the dads watching the kids, nothing can go wrong, right? The PHOTO CREDIT: SAEED ADYANI SAEED CREDIT: PHOTO mommy trio soon discovers that an eve- Izzy (Andrea Logan White), Allyson (Sarah Drew), Sondra (Patricia Heaton) and Zoe (Sammi Hanratty) share ning of fun can turn into an evening of good news with the search-and-rescue party in MOMS’ NIGHT OUT, the new family comedy from Sony Affi rm disaster in a snap, and before you know and Provident Films, in theaters May 9. it, they’re at a bowling alley, then a tat- too parlor and then … well, I’ll let you has a major role. achieve: get their fi rst choices in actors fi nd out. Faith-based fi lms have taken gigantic and actresses. It’s one of the funniest movies I’ve leaps in recent years, and “Moms’ Night “That rarely happens,” he said. ever seen. It’s also one of the most mov- Out” easily continues that trend. It also The talent level is evident on screen. ing. I cried … several times. breaks new ground. No faith-based com- Heaton, Drew, Astin and the others are, It stars such mainstream actors as edy has ever had such a large budget or as Erwin put it, “naturally funny people.” Drew (“Grey’s Anatomy”), Sean Astin theatrical release. Thankfully, because of Erwin called “Moms’ Night Out” a (“The Lord of The Rings”,” Rudy”) and “Moms’ Night Out,” there probably will “celebration of motherhood.” Patricia Heaton (“Everybody Loves Ray- be more like it. It’s a hilarious movie, and “People will be able to relate to it. mond”) but also such faith-based staples oh yeah, it’s clean. It’s about parenting and about kids and as Robert Amaya (“Courageous”) and Andrew Erwin, co-director along with about all those things we love,” he said. Alex Kendrick (“Courageous,” “Facing his brother Jon, told Refreshed that they the Giants”). Singer Trace Adkins also were able to do something few directors Learn more at momsnightoutmovie.com.
May 2014 | REFRESHED 27 community news
Music summit and concert Additional performances will be held for 38 years, was named Pastor Emeritus SAN DIEGO — Urban Network Digital at 7 p.m. May 17, 23 and 24 and at 2 p.m. upon his May 30, 2011 retirement. will hold its “Back to Basics: The Music May 18 and 24. The church was launched in July 1956 and Entertainment Summit” conference Tickets are $15 online and $18 at the as a mission plant of Highland Avenue beginning at 5 p.m. May 1 at Four Points door. Baptist Church in National City. A core by Sheraton. Additional shows are being produced group of seven or eight families worked The networking conference kick-off at other regional branches, including to grow the new mission and the fi rst features the “Ultimate Gospel Celebra- “Peter Pan,” May 16 to 25 at Greenfi eld service was held on July 21, 1956. tion” concert. Middle School; “The Little Mermaid,” Under Eurich’s guidance, the church Special guests include Brent Jones May 16 to 25 at Mater Dei High School; opened the Children’s Paradise Pre- and Jessica Reedy. “Aladdin,” May 24 to June 1 at the Star school in 1975 and in March 1983 the Tickets for the concert are $10. Theatre; “Thoroughly Modern Millie,” congregation made its last payment on The hotel is located at 8110 Aero June 13 to 22 at American Spirit Theater. the Cumberland Street property and the Drive. Learn more at www.cytsandiego.org. church became debt-free. For more information, call (858) 650- Learn more at www.phsbc.net or by 3190. Church honors its calling (619) 479-4111.
pastor emeritus Church gets green CYT lets its hair down SAN DIEGO — Paradise Hills South- with ‘Rapunzel’ ern Baptist Church will honor its Pastor light after zoning battle PACIFIC BEACH — The Central branch Emeritus Dr. Aaron W. Eurich during a GUATAY — A rural East County church of the Christian Youth Theater will pres- special service and luncheon fellowship has won a six-year zoning battle with ent “Rapunzel” beginning at 7 p.m. May on May 4. the County of San Diego after securing 16 at Pacifi c Beach Middle School. Eurich, who served the congregation a Minor Deviation Permit that will allow them to continue meeting in a former country-western barn. “We’re extremely pleased with this positive outcome,” said Brad Dacus, president of Pacifi c Justice Institute. One of the institute’s affi liate attor- neys, Pete Lepiscopo, represented the church. “Our nation needs more churches, and governments not standing in their way,” Dacus said. According to the church’s attorneys, Guatay Christian Fellowship operated at the site for 25 years when the county told them they were violating local ordinanc- es and had to apply for a costly Major Use Permit. They were ordered to shut down or face $2,500 in daily civil fi nes, plus DEGREES criminal penalties. THROUGH #ORRESPONDENCE The church shut down for six weeks until Lepiscopo was able to secure an in- Associate through Ph.D. junction. The less-intensive Minor Devi- s #REDIT FOR LIFE EXPERIENCE ation Permit now allows them to operate without having to endure the protracted FOR A FREE CATALOG, CONTACT US AT process of securing a Major Use Permit. WWWLBCSORG s LBCANDS GMAILCOM Learn more at www.guataychurch. 352-621-4991 or write to us com. 5480 S. Suncoast Blvd., Homosassa, FL 34446 Navigating bitterness, anxiety Liberty Bible College & Seminary SAN MARCOS — “Love That Look” is the theme of the San Marcos—Vista
28 REFRESHED | May 2014 community news
Christian Women’s Club luncheon set for Dinners,” a show she earned as the win- tegral to me holding on to my faith. Sum- 11:30 a.m. May 19 at the St. Mark Golf ner of “The Next Food Network Star.” mit provided a safe place for me to ask Club, the former Lake San Marcos Coun- She is also a New York Times best-selling questions and fi nd legitimate answers.” try Club. cookbook author. She will present an The 12-day conference gives students The guest speaker will be Carrie inspirational and motivational message ages 16 to 22 the chance to be mentored Payne, an Orange County traffi c super- based on her personal journey of faith by Christian leaders in academia, public visor and an inspirational and motiva- through family, work and life’s chal- policy and business. Students are taught tional speaker, who will discuss how to lenges. to analyze cultural messages they en- overcome anger, bitterness and anxiety The emcee and maitre d’ for the day counter every day. Topics include con- in the quest to fi nd real peace. will be 10News weathercaster Pat Brown. versational apologetics, biblical mar- The luncheon will also host the Mike Farmer will deejay, while Christian riage and other cultural issues. “Fashions Forever” fashion show by Pla- vocalist Deanna Ramsey will perform. Also participating in the event as centia-based Eileen Gerber. Admission, which includes door prize youth were Ryan Dobson, son of Dr. Reservations are requested by May drawings, is $20. James Dobson, who now works alongside 15, although walk-ins are welcome. The church is located at 2111 Camino his famous father at Family Talk, and The luncheon is sponsored by Stone- del Rio South. Lila Rose, a prominent pro-life advocate croft Ministries/Christian Women’s Club Learn more at www.fumcsd.org/ who founded Live Action. The cost of the luncheon is $18. springfl ing or by calling (619) 297-4366. Founded in 1962, Summit’s mission The country club is located at 1750 is to train up rising leaders in biblical San Pablo Drive. Sean McDowell to host worldviews. Learn more at www.Stonecroft.org or “If it wasn’t for the Summit Confer- call (760) 432-0772. youth Summit conference LA MIRADA — Sean McDowell, a na- ence, I might have turned to the wrong tionally recognized apologist who has source for my questions and wouldn’t be Food Network star to ministered to young people for two de- speak at luncheon cades, will host Summit Ministries’ inau- SAN DIEGO — gural California conference from June 15 First United Meth- to 27. Cal Thomas odist Church of McDowell, the son of evangelist and San Diego will hold apologist Josh McDowell, has served on its Spring Fling the faculty for Summit conferences in for Women at 11 Colorado and Tennessee and helped to UÊ £Ê >Ì>ÞÊ a.m. May 10. The bring the intensive training camp to Bi- -Þ`V>Ìi`Ê guest speaker for ola, where he serves as an assistant pro- ÕÃÌ the event will be fessor for the university’s Master of Arts Food Network ce- Program in Christian Apologetics. UÊ ÝÊ iÜÃÊ lebrity chef Melissa “When I was a teen, my dad encour- >ÞÃÌ d’Arabian. aged me to go to Summit,” McDowell D’Arabian is the host of “Ten Dollar said. “What I learned at Summit was in- UÊ *À viÊ `ÛV>Ìi
The Law Office of /ÊÃV i`ÕiÊ >Ê/ >ÃÊ William A. Hannosh vÀÊÞÕÀÊiÝÌÊëiV>ÊiÛiÌ]Ê VÌ>VÌÊ >ÀÊ >Àð FAMILY LAW ELDER ABUSE LITIGATION (619) 881-2851 >ÀJ>À>ÀðV CIVIL LITIGATION Proudly serving San Diego’s Christian community (Legal services also offered in Spanish and Arabic) 343 E. Main Street, Suite 202, El Cajon 619-244-9835 | hannoshlaw.net www.SpeakersGroup.net
May 2014 | REFRESHED 29 community news
speaking about the very issues I wrestled “Mercy Rule.” ning homeschooling, special needs, high with,” McDowell said. “When young A new feature this year is a free mini- school and beyond, preschool, family life adults attend one of the conferences, conference, set for May 29 with keynote and fi nances and worldview issues. In all, they will increase their likelihood of speaker Dr. Brian Ray, whose topic is nearly 70 workshops for both beginners staying strong in their faith. With Sum- “Just the Facts, Ma’am: Homeschooling and veterans are scheduled. mit’s new California conference at Biola, Works.” Ray is the founder and president One of the perennial favorites of we can help train even more young lead- of the National Home Education Re- the convention is the Exhibit Hall, ers to champion a biblical worldview. I’m search Institute. with nearly 200 vendor booths offering thrilled to be a part of this.” After the keynote session, a free sem- curriculum, college prep, information Learn more at www.summit.org/the- inar, “Introduction to Home Educa- on colleges, ministry, and teaching re- Summit. tion,” will be offered from 6:35 to 8 sources. p.m., with free entry to the Exhibit Hall Other speakers include Steve and An- Preview from 8 to 9 p.m. nette Economides, America’s Money- Kirk Cameron to keynote Other planned events include a Smart Family, and Andrew Pudewa of the homeschool convention high school graduation ceremony, the Institute for Excellence in Writing. The Golden State’s biggest home- Themes in Focus feature, the annual The convention is hosted by the school event, the 31st Annual Christian Support Network Leadership Confer- 32-year-old Christian Home Educa- Home Educators Association Conven- ence for homeschool group leaders, a tors Association of California, the only tion, will be held May 29 to 31 at the Dis- Children’s Convention, the popular Teen statewide Christian homeschool advo- neyland Hotel. Convention, a Homeschool Mock Trial cacy organization that works year-round Actor and director Kirk Cameron, Tournament and a used curriculum ex- on behalf of the state’s homeschooling homeschool dad and CHEA member, change. Themes in Focus highlights sub- community. will deliver the keynote address Friday jects that attendees have indicated are Registration information is available and host a free screening of his movie, most important, and will include begin- at www.cheaofca.org.
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30 REFRESHED | May 2014 on the mark
MARK LARSON
Tension at 35,000 feet
God has such a wonderful sense of large for the seat, even in fi rst class. There wasn’t a person within earshot humor. From the fi rst words uttered, it was of The Guy in 3-A who didn’t feel un- No sooner had I written last month’s evident he sounded like he had been comfortable. And the louder and more column about the need to get out of cast as a stereotypical New Yorker... boorish he was, the more it made others our “comfort zones,” I had a chance to anything he said had a “Hey, whatta you fi dgety. test my own philosophy. In the article, I lookin’ at?” tone. So I committed to going a little over- suggested we reach out to others, even Other than a courtesy “hello” I didn’t board for rest of the fl ight. When I asked when it’s uncomfortable. feel like yakking with someone surly, for something, it was back to “please That’s before I ran into the guy sit- the entire fl ight. So I immersed myself and thank you” basics. But I laid it on a ting in seat 3-A on a fl ight from New in emails and reading, while Mr. 3-A little thicker, every time I had a chance. York to San Diego. More about him in a spewed his fi rst greeting to the fl ight After another hour, the results be- moment. attendant: came noticeable. My seatmate began to A few years ago I was speaking at a “Hey! Got any wattuh?” say “please” more often, with an occa- conference in Atlanta. As I welcomed Yes, she did, and he took it from her sional “thank you VERY much.” the crowd, setting the tone for the day, without a thank you. Then, on went his He still wasn’t very sociable, and it was time to introduce Adm. Vern noise-reduction headphones (for him, with headphones use it was clear he Clark, former chief of U.S. Naval Opera- not anyone else). didn’t want to chat, either. But as he be- tions. The barking of orders continued, came more civil, the tension decreased In opening remarks I lamented in the cabin. that maybe our country was getting a Once we left little jaded after years of war in Iraq There wasn’t a person within earshot the plane (or as and Afghanistan. I cited my fl ight into of The Guy in 3-A who didn’t feel airlines call it, Georgia, when a fl ight attendant did an amusingly, “de- announcement that several active duty uncomfortable. plane-ing”) the men and women were on board... and no man was on the one paid attention. Well, barely. Just a cell phone with his then eventually there was the over-loud smattering of applause. wife on the East Coast, apparently con- chomping of food that would drive Miss I then challenged attendees to make tinuing whatever wound him up before Manners up a wall or two. it a point to greet anyone we see in uni- takeoff. “I’ll have the chicken.” form, thanking them for their service, I know we can’t solve everyone’s always. Later that day, I walked over to “Ya gotta a fork?” problems, nor is it always possible to a nearby Atlanta mall food court. There, “Got any salt?” start a conversation. But we can always suddenly, was a sea of military person- Not long after the initial rudeness, fi nd the right words—pleasant things nel, probably 100 men and women. the pleasant, upbeat fl ight attendant to say—that can improve situations God’s sense of humor indeed. I dropped a tray full of glasses in the ad- and change the immediate atmosphere quickly understood that it’s not always jacent galley. It was clear the guy had around us. as easy as it sounds to do something gotten to her, and it was going to be a that makes a difference. However it is long fl ight. important to start somewhere, even if I decided to move forward and visit Mark Larson is a veteran everything or everyone can’t be covered. the lavatory. On the way, I took the Southern California Back to the guy in Seat 3-A. fl ight attendant aside and whispered radio/television After a whirlwind business trip to something, letting her know I was con- personality and media New York, I was fl ying home. It had been cerned about the passenger. She replied, consultant. His voice is a busy couple of days, so I was ready “Yes! He really rattled me.” It was all heard on KPRZ 1210AM, to relax. As I settled in to seat 3-B, I over her face: Thanks for caring. I noted and his weekday talk noticed the older man in 3-A seemed that she only broke a couple of glasses, show airs mornings 6-9 on KCBQ 1170AM. Learn fi dgety and irritable. He was also a little no one got hurt, all was well, overall. more at www.marklarson.com.
May 2014 | REFRESHED 31 here’s to good health KIMBERLY RUBY
To detox or not: Is ‘internal’ spring cleaning a must?
The ad reads “‘Liver Detox Program’ selling book “The Detox Diet,” delivered to your door, only $39 per whom I have met on several oc- day.” casions, describes detoxifi cation many references to fasting in both the As a nutritionist with a busy practice, as the process of “clearing or neutral- Old and New Testaments; Jesus and His I’m always amazed at the new spins, izing toxins from the body which can followers prayed and fasted. (Luke 5:35, twists and wallet-tugs from companies help in reducing excess acidity, mucus, Matthew 6:16, Matthew 9:14, Acts: 9:9) trying to “re-invent” health, whether infl ammation and congestion.” They didn’t fast from eating Mediter- it’s fear-based, fad-based or just trying Because bad habits undermine our ranean chocolate or watching their to get you the consumer so dissatisfi ed health, the primary action of radically favorite chariot games; they fasted from with your body and life, you will leap at changing our diets for a time is that we eating. The emphasis in fasting is al- anything. are putting on the “brakes” to eliminate ways focusing on spiritual matters over Let me prove a point; have you ever destructive behavior as we examine fl eshly concerns. seen so many references to “going more healthful choices. Think of detoxi- Author Marilyn Hickey seems to green?” fi cation as a “thought-shift.” best summarize biblical fasting as this: Green carpet cleaning, green fuel Healthy bodies are created to endure “Fasting and prayer put you in the best emissions, green solar and my favorite, both internal and external toxins. But possible position for a spiritual break- green hamster bedding. As a society, we when excesses occur, such as exposure through.” In other words, hungering for are all “going” green. to pesticides, toxins, ingestion of large God—and Him alone—to satisfy! To be sure, I’m all for being good amounts of alcohol, poor diets and long- As you can see, there is a time and stewards of our earth and our temples, term nutrient defi ciencies (to mention season for detoxing the body, the spirit but when a young college student ap- a few), over time these excesses may and the mind. Bad dietary choices along proaches me and tells me she is having result in disease. I have seen dietary with negative thinking patterns keep a daily colon-cleansing “green drink” cleanses relieve constipation, heartburn, us from realizing every good thing God from a local juice joint but can’t seem nasal congestion, fatigue, metabolic dis- has intended for our growth and vitality. to shed weight and feels queasy, that’s ease and even depressed moods. Serving Him and others is the most hon- where I have to question the ingredients orable form of worship and doing it with and claims of these seductive “healthy” How do I start? bodies that are prepared and well-tuned beverages. There are several ranges of dietary allow us to experience peace at even a Investigating the $6 juice on their detoxifi cation levels; consuming only higher level, a level that brings all glory website, I’m taken aback at the total raw (uncooked) foods for a time, re- to Him. calories of this snappy-named concoc- ducing or eliminating all added sugar, I invite you to email me at kim@ tion: 420 calories and 78 grams of sugar! caffeine, soda and added fats or concen- ucprx.com if you have any suggestions Remembering that 4 grams is equal to trating on programs that are more liquid for future articles or if you would like to one teaspoon of sugar (or one sugar in nature, such as green juicing, very comment on this one. Peace and health cube), I quickly realize she’s starting her moderate fruit juicing and vegetable to you, my friend! day with a whopping 19.5 teaspoons of broths. Resources abound in your local natural “green” sugar. libraries and bookstores on healthful Kimberly Ruby, certifi ed “Stop drinking your calories,” I tell fasting and cleansing options. nutritionist at University her. Length of cleanses and fasts can be Compounding Pharmacy, Let me fortify my claim and say I do anywhere from 24 hours to several days. has been in the wellness believe there is a place for fasting and I always recommend seeking approval industry for more than detox regimens. I’ve even designed sev- from your family physicians fi rst, as they 20 years. She has been eral cleanses with undeniable results. know your health history best. facilitating one of the I tell my patients, using wisdom and longest running weight management support science will determine the success of a Spiritual fasting groups in the nation, meeting weekly in the North short, well-planned purifying program. Biblical fasting is still relevant and County for 10 years. Her health segments have Elson Haas, M.D., author of the best- intended for believers today. There are appeared on local news channels.
32 REFRESHED | May 2014 on the money
JANICE THOMPSON
The power of ONE can realign our fi nancial priorities
One stroke… focus and is bringing about changes I healthy” concept? Here are some starting Last January, my husband and I were have struggled with for years. points: Are you thinking long-term and watching the Farmers Open held at preparing for retirement? Have you de- Torrey Pines. On the back nine, there One degree… fi ned your fi nancial fi nish line? If God has were six players, any of whom could On a recent 15-hour fl ight from Los blessed you with excess, are you ensuring have won that tournament. Scott Stall- Angeles to Sydney, Australia I had the it is a blessing and not a curse to those you ings was one of them. He needed a strange impulse to fi gure out where we are leaving it to? How are you preparing birdie to pull this off and he did just might land if our pilot was just one de- your heirs to be wise stewards? that, shutting out the fi ve other play- gree off course. I was stunned to learn For some it may begin with a focus ers, all of whom were just one stroke there was a high probability we would on cash fl ow planning or a consistent behind him. My husband shouted, “One have experienced a water landing—defi - pattern of saving. For others, it may be stroke, Jan, can you believe it, he won nitely not our intended destination! If establishing a comprehensive estate it by one stroke!” While watching the you think about that over a lifetime, one plan or intentionally discipling your tournament it struck me how signifi - degree off course makes a signifi cant heirs. Everyone has a unique course they cant the number one can be. Just when difference. are traveling and the longer this impor- it looked like a playoff might be inevita- Let me draw a parallel to your fi nan- tant one-degree concept is ignored, the ble, Scott clinched the tournament and cial life. Just as a carefully calibrated greater the chance of a “water landing.” walked away with one million dollars. GPS can help you land within 25 feet of just about any intended destination, a One stroke …One focus…One de- One focus… carefully calibrated fi nancial plan can gree…they all have the potential to Rather than set New Year’s Resolu- help you chart a course that make a big difference as time goes by! tions this year, I decided to focus on truly refl ects the desires What one focus will help you be in a one word that had the potentialotential of your heart and creates different fi nancial place one year, 10 to signifi cantly help me aachievechieve a more meaningful legacy years, 30 years from now? There are 360 some much needed lifestyletyle for your heirs. Often, degrees and every one of them matters. changes this year. My however, given the choice Pick just “one degree” today that will one word for 2014 between lifestyle today focus your fi nancial life on long-term is health. I want to and fi nancial freedom to- impact and start thinking about tomor- be more physically morrow, many people opt row, today! fi t and be living to live for today, an action A side note: I believe in this concept so a more balanced that incrementally draws much that my company has just merged life by this time them farther off course as with another like-minded fi rm and we are next year. After time goes by. now operating under our new company identifying areas of my lifeife tthathat We have all been given name: One Degree Advisors, Inc. were out of alignment, I bebegangan gifts of time, talent, trea- asking myself with each ddailyaily sure and relationships to Janice Thompson is a choice that presented itself,self, “IIss help bring meaning and certifi ed fi nancial planner this healthy”? Is eating thehe entire purpose to our lives and and co-founder/CEO of box of Godiva chocolatess a client make a difference in the One Degree Advisors, graciously gave me healthy?thy? Is lives around us. Money Inc. A frequent speaker working six or seven dayss a weeweekk is not the end goal. It is a on fi nancial topics and healthy? While I am passionatesionate tool—granted, a very im- mentor for fi nancial about my profession, I knewnew tthishis portant one—to help us professionals, she also serves on the board of was not a balanced way ttoo live. realize this purpose. directors for Kingdom Advisors. Learn more at www. Interestingly, evaluatingg choices Can you identify areas onedegreeadvisors.com. through this fi lter for thee papastst in your fi nancial life that Advisory services offered through One Degree Advisors, Inc.SM Securities offered through Securities America, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. One Degree Advisors and Securities Amer- four months has recalibratedratedd mmyy you could apply my “Is this ica are separate companies.
May 2014 | REFRESHED 33 marriage matters
DAVID & LISA FRISBIE
R-E-S-P-E-C-T: That is what he needs from her
After speaking for a week at a beau- One of the most frequent laments we your husband. Comedienne Roseanne tiful mountain conference center in hear from today’s husbands is that they Barr is hilarious in many ways, but the eastern United States, we were don’t feel respected, valued, admired she’s also an excellent role model for getting to know the other speakers or supported by their wives—although how not to talk to your husband. She’s fairly well. Some of them were nation- they may be succeeding in their careers also a great example of how not to ally known and comparatively “fa- or be widely respected elsewhere. Some talk about your husband with others. mous” and it was fun to discover that of these husbands admit to us that they When you belittle your husband when they were normal people, humble and are receiving positive feedback from sharing with others, even “confi den- approachable and open. We enjoyed other women, sometimes a co-worker or tially”—you may tear down the respect our chance to share meals with them; perhaps even a woman at church. After that others have for him. Sometimes we loved swapping travel stories a while, a discouraged husband may no- this damage is irreversible. backstage in the green room, while we tice the contrast between high respect all waited to go out and present our elsewhere and lack of respect Instilling confi dence material. at home—and By contrast, when you build up your At the end of a busy week of husband with your words—supporting speaking and presenting, one and encouraging him on a regular ba- of the speakers asked for a brief sis—his confi dence grows and his opti- counseling appointment with us. mism soars. He feels more capable His name recognition is at least and more successful—feelings that national and in some ways glob- are important for all males. And al: He could legitimately claim to when you speak positively about this be a famous person. He’s also one of the your husband to others—you increase contrast may most fun and funniest speakers we’ve the respect that others—his friends and met along our journey. become a factor in infi delity or the family—already have for him. Positive About 10 minutes into our session end of a marriage union. feedback has a way of leading to posi- together, here’s what he told us: The lack of respect at home does not tive outcomes: for yourself and for your “I feel like I’m respected all over the excuse a straying husband’s behavior marriage. world,” he said with a quiet sigh. “Every- but it may predict it, or in some ways If you can’t be perfect at this (and one respects me, everywhere I go. Then explain how it happened in the fi rst who can?) you can at least do better. Re- I get home from a long trip like this, and place. solve today to say fewer harmful words, I walk in my front door.” So with that said, wives, here is what and to use more helpful words, when About 20 minutes into our session he your husbands need from you: interacting with your husband or when was in tears, literally. As he unpacked R-E-S-P-E-C-T. talking about him with others. Start the baggage of a frustrating and dam- Although respect can be shown and making the small changes that can lead aged relationship, he wept for the loss demonstrated in a lot of ways, for this to a big difference in the quality of your of a genuine, supportive friendship with article we’ll center on verbal feedback. relationship. the woman he married. He confi ded that Writing to the church at Ephesus, Paul the one place in the world where he advises all of us to “use helpful words” Dr. David and Lisa didn’t get compliments, encouragement and to “avoid harmful words.” (Ephe- Frisbie serve together or useful and supportive feedback—was sians 4:28). Paul’s inspired wisdom is as executive directors of at home with his wife. universal and meant for all of us, but it The Center for Marriage “In the place where it matters to me fi ts beautifully within the context of the and Family Studies in Del the most,” he told us, his voice trem- relationship between a husband and a Mar. They are the authors bling with raw emotion, “it often feels wife. of dozens of articles and like I am respected the least.” When you avoid harmful words, 25 books about marriage and family life, including His secrets are safe with us, yet his you stay away from comments or their recent book “Becoming Your Husband’s Best story is in no way unique. statements that tear down or belittle Friend” (Harvest House Publishers)
34 REFRESHED | May 2014 purposeful parenting
MICHAEL FOUST
8 stress-reducing steps to a happier family
When you’re at the hospital prepar- parents is to transform our children and deep breath, and then perhaps another, ing to take home that 7-pound bundle of teenagers into Christ-followers, but too and then I’m fi ne. joy, the nurses don’t provide any advice often we get distracted. The “stuff” re- on dealing with stress. They don’t even ally doesn’t matter. 6. Look at old pictures. And videos. hand you a book. Taking a trip down memory lane will I was thinking about stress recently 2. Keep a life-long perspective. help remind you that you really do have when my wife called me at work and That moment that raised your blood a sweet family and that all the frustra- said, in a tone of voice that matched pressure last week? You’ll be laughing tion really is worth it. An evening look- the circumstance: “There’s water in our about it in a few years, perhaps already. ing at old videos probably is funnier basement!” And you’ll look back at today’s events than the latest TV sitcom, anyway. We already had a garbage disposal fondly. That’s how we are: that wasn’t working, a dishwasher that Today’s stressful moments was leaking and a clothes drier that turn into tomorrow’s pre- wasn’t drying. With three small chil- cious, funny memories. dren, clean clothes and dishes are a When my oldest son grows necessity. Things weren’t looking good, up I’ll tell him about the but God soon provided. The basement time when we all went on a leak slowed, and we pinpointed the hike and he threw a fi t right problem. We fi xed the drier (lint block- there on the trail—two miles age) and then discovered that the dish- from the car. He refused to washer leak was linked to the broken move. I was frustrated with garbage disposal. him, but days later laughing Through it all, we told one another: about it. After all, he was Don’t stress out, this is small potatoes. In only 3. other words: Keep things in perspective. 7. Listen to music—and sing. It’s no Everyone deals with stress differ- 3. Simplify your life. Look at your accident that infants often stop crying ently, but when you’re surrounded by daily schedule. Do you struggle to fi nd when they hear music. It’s because we (sweet but) demanding children who time to eat? Learn to say “no” to friends were made to enjoy music—and it’s re- have needs, it becomes essential to and family—and even to your church—if laxing. If that doesn’t work, then … learn to cope with it. that will lessen your stress and improve Here are eight ways that have helped your family life. Realize that everything 8. Go outside. It’s called fresh air me cope with stress that just might does not have to be done today. Priori- for a reason. Blue skies and green grass benefi t you, too, especially if you’re a tize what’s important. beat white walls and brown carpet any parent: day, right? If you have time, take a hike. 4. Take a break. Just as our bodies Yelp.com and AllTrails.com have a great 1. Keep an eternal perspective. In need a night of rest each day, our minds listing of hikes in the San Diego County other words, understand that all the and souls need a break, too. That in- area. Go to a local park. Or even better, “stuff” we’re consumed with at the cludes time alone with God. It also could pack a lunch, get in the car … and just moment—that casserole in the oven, include a book or a TV show or a hobby go to the beach. that sporting event on TV, that home or a conversation with a friend. It just improvement project—is meaningless needs to be relaxing. in the long run. James tells us that our Michael Foust is the father of three small life is like a “mist” (James 4:14) that 5. Take a breath. Experts say that soon will disappear, and Paul urges us children, a writer and breathing helps during moments of editor, and blogs about to keep our eyes on the prize (1 Corin- stress, and they’re right. When my three thians 9:24-27). Paul’s not talking about parenting at www. children are all crying in a chorus of michaelfoust.com. money. Our primary responsibility as high-pitched screams, I’ll often take a
May 2014 | REFRESHED 35 inspired living
DAVID JEREMIAH
Finding good in the bad
Have you ever worried about wear- it, write it in the fl yleaf of your Bible, about me; I’m bound for heaven. I just ing out Romans 8:28? It’s one of the or post it under the glass on your desk. want you to know we love you and I’ll greatest promises in the Bible: “And And lay hold of its penetrating power. be praying for you.” we know that all things work together Soon afterward, the man became a for good to those who love God, to those Practice a platitude Christian. “How could I fail to trust a who are the called according to His pur- Third, practice the great old plati- Savior,” he said, “who gave my friend pose.” tudes. Adopt one or two as an expres- the kindness and love to pray for me “All” makes it universal—not just sion of your philosophy. Here’s a even while she was sick and dying?” some, but all things work together sampling: It’s not always possible to instantly for good. No matter what happens, • Christians live by promises, not see good results from bad circum- God fi nds good in bad and transforms explanations. burdens into blessings. Romans 8:28 • Every problem has covers all contingencies—like a blank a purpose. Turning your burden over to God check for the Christian, good at any • God won’t give us time, drawn on the bank of God’s infi - more than we can bear. leaves a vacancy in your heart that nite wisdom and power. • When you can’t God’s promises can fi ll. How do we cash this check and fi nd trace God’s hand, you good in the bad? can trust His heart. Perhaps someone reading these • God doesn’t waste suffering. If He stances. Blessings are not like jack- words is facing tragic or complicated plows, it’s because He purposes a crop. in-the-boxes that shoot up suddenly circumstances. Affl ictions come—but Preaching to ourselves is less of- when the crank is turned. It often God’s powerful promise in Romans fensive than listening to others toss takes months and years for things to 8:28 can overcome. platitudes at our pain. work together for good. God has all Claim this promise and capitalize eternity at His disposal, and He isn’t on its truth. Rest in a hurry. Give the burden to the Lord It’s also important to fi nd ways of Faith is choosing to trust God’s First, give your burden to the Lord. getting a good night’s sleep during ability to fulfi ll Romans 8:28 even Remember Psalm 55:22: “Cast your painful periods in life. When we’re when the answers are not immediately burden on the Lord…He shall sustain tired, we worry more, grieve more, apparent. That’s why the Bible tells us you; He shall never permit the righteous hurt more deeply, feel more hopeless. to “wait on the Lord.” The great hym- to be moved.” Lay your burden on the During Elijah’s depression, God gave nist, Henry Lyte, expressed it this way altar. If it crawls off, put it back on the him rest and refreshment (1 Kings 19). in his wonderful hymn, “Jesus, I My altar. The Bible says that God gives His Cross Have Taken:” You could have a “turning over” beloved sleep. I have called Thee “Abba, Father,” time—a ceremony where you “offi - I have set my heart on Thee. cially” give your problem to the Lord: Look for opportunities in the crisis Storms may howl and clouds may “casting all your care upon Him, for He Finally, look for opportunities in gather, cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). the crisis. In Acts 16, Paul and Silas All must work for good to me. were fl ogged. After hours of hurting, Latch on to God’s promises they began praying and singing, wit- Dr. David Jeremiah is the Turning your burden over to God nessing and winning even their jailer. senior pastor of Shadow leaves a vacancy in your heart that Evelyn Hersey, a missionary in Ja- Mountain Community God’s promises can fi ll. Learn the vital pan, sought for years to win a certain Church in El Cajon and art of recording God’s promises on man to Christ. She eventually re- the founder of Turning your heart—cleave to them, be satu- turned to America with terminal can- Point for God radio and rated by their power. cer. As she was dying, she called her television ministy. Learn Find a promise, put your name on Japanese friend and said, “Don’t worry more at www.davidjeremiah.org.
36 REFRESHED | May 2014 marketplace
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May 2014 | REFRESHED 37 that’s life!
JOANNE BROKAW
The insanity of motherhood
I was talking with a friend whacking her children with a recently about parenting or, rubber sandal actually begins to more specifi cally, how moth- sound like a good idea. ers throughout history have That’s when I saw something managed to maintain their in her eyes, a glimmer of hope sanity while raising children to that she wasn’t the only mother become, if not the president, at who had considered boxing up least adults who don’t call their her children and shipping them co-workers “Poopy Head.” to Siberia. We were at a picnic and my Almost every mother alive friend’s 2-year-old had just would tell you that it’s a gift to warned me with a smile that he be able to raise children who go was going to bite me, while her on to become productive mem- 3-year-old was determined to bers of society, people who can shake the table until everyone’s change the world. But it’s not plates were either in their laps easy to spend every waking mo- or on the ground. She des- ment in the company of humans perately tried to maintain her who eat their own boogers and composure while reprimanding who can pluck a cat bald in less them, but I could see it in her played music. While they were opening than three minutes. eyes: she wanted to throw them both in card after card and dancing to snippets Most mothers won’t even admit that the trunk of the car until the party was of disco songs, their mother was call- it’s a blow to the ego to know they can over. ing down threats upon their heads that control an entire boardroom of execu- Someone sitting at another table involved everything from banishment tives but can’t make a 4-year-old put leaned over and suggested that if she to their rooms to getting “it” (which, I on clean underwear. They need to know ignored her kids they’d stop acting up. assumed, was something worse than a they’re not alone. While that might be true in theory, any beating with a fl ip-fl op). And so, on this Mother’s Day, here’s mother knows that it’s impossible to ig- As a shopper, I wasn’t really dis- a message to my friend and all the other nore a child banging a spoon on a glass turbed by the kids. Just minutes before, I mothers of small children: If all you did table, and not just because you’re wor- had been opening those same cards and today was read “Goodnight Moon” 42 ried that someone will get hurt. It’s the giggling. If they were that amusing to an times and keep your kids from fl ushing judgmental “tsk-tsking” and unsolicited adult, imagine how tempting they were the goldfi sh down the toilet, you did a advice from onlookers that motivates a to a trio of 8- and 9-year-olds. great job. mother to yank little Jimmy by the arm I was more bothered by their moth- Even if your kids still call each other and hiss through clenched teeth, “If I er’s threats of bodily harm—until I re- “Poopy Head.” have to tell you one more time...” membered that when my own daughter You know,” I said, catching my glass was young it seemed as if her goal in life Award-winning freelance of lemonade as it was about to tip over, was to slowly drive me insane, mostly writer Joanne Brokaw “I was shopping yesterday and this by asking the question “What is that?” spends her days dreaming woman came up the greeting card aisle 200 times an hour. There were moments of things she’d like to with three kids who were clearly driving when I wondered if either one of us do but probably never her crazy. I know because she told them would make it through her childhood will— like swimming that if they didn’t cut it out she was alive. with dolphins, cleaning going to take off her fl ip-fl op and beat I told my friend that I understood the attic and someday overcoming the trauma them with it.” how a steady stream of innocent irrita- of elementary school picture day. She lives with The kids, I explained, had found the tions could build up until a mother is two dogs, a cat, six chickens and one very patient section with cards that, when opened, forced to the brink of insanity, where husband. Learn more at www.joannebrokaw.com.
38 REFRESHED | May 2014 4 WAYS TO
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May 2014 | REFRESHED 39 40 REFRESHED | May 2014