OCTOBER 2019 HUMOR PAGE 12 SPORTSSPORTS YOU’VEYOU’VE NEVERNEVER HEARDHEARD OFOF ByBy ErinErin MuldoonMuldoon ports began in Greece dur- zorbs which are basically large known as Wife Carrying. Typi- is then rewarded with the cheese. This sport combines your two fa- ing 776 BCE where they transparent hamster balls. They cally a husband and wife partici- SEPAKSEPAK TAKRAWTAKRAW vorites into one. There are a total held their first Olympic consist of an outer layer and in- pate in this sport, but according A sport expected to make its of 11 rounds, each lasting three SGames. Now there are over eight ner layer where it is filled by to newer standards the female debut in the 2024 Olympics is minutes, where the participants thousand recognized sports in air, which reduces a lot of the participant does not necessarily Sepak Takraw. It is a sport na- switch off from playing chess to the world. We have all heard of harm the sport poses. Once in need to be the wife. The male tive to Southeast Asia. Teams of boxing. The winner is the partici- the most common ones, like soc- the zorbs people roll down a hill, will carry the wife or female two to four play in a volleyball pant who wins the most rounds. cer, football, and tennis to name ranging in steepness where the participant through an obstacle styled court, but they can only MANMAN VSVS HORSEHORSE a few, but there are many that goal is to reach the bottom first. course and whoever can com- use their knees, feet, chest, and They always talk about man you might be unfamiliar with. EXTREMEEXTREME plete it in the fastest time wins. head to play the ball. Instead vs. beast but in this race it is COOPER’S HILL UNDERWATERUNDERWATER IRONINGIRONING COOPER’S HILL of the soft leather volleyball, Man Versus Horse in the ulti- HOCKEYHOCKEY Things we used to consider a CHEESECHEESE ROLLINGROLLING players in this sport use a rat- mate marathon. Yearly there is Hockey is a well known sport, hassle have now become ex- Some sports only occur in spe- tan ball with a standard size of a marathon of just over 22 miles but it can also be played under- treme sports, like Extreme Iron- cific locations like Cooper’s Hill five inches which is made of held in The Wells Town where water. In Underwater Hockey, ing. This sport can take place in Cheese Rolling. This only hap- synthetic fibre or a woven layer. men race horses. More and more two teams of six go against each many different remote places as pens once a year during Spring- WORMWORM CHARMINGCHARMING contestants are participating for other where they try to score long as there’s an ironing board time in England at Coopers One of the more bizarre sports is both men and horses. Men have the most goals within two 15 and a person to iron clothing. Hill. A nine pound of Double Worm Charming. In this sport, a actually won the race twice. minute halves in what is called The sport helps to bring thrills Gloucester cheese is released at group of contestants battle it out SHINSHIN KICKINGKICKING underwater hockey. It origi- and a nicely pressed shirt. Some the top of the hill and participants to see who can unearth the most One of the most unfamiliar and nated in Britain where it was of the crazier locations extreme must chase after it. Originally the amount of worms. There are many brutal sports is Shin Kicking. played by divers in the navy ironing has taken place is in the winner was whoever caught the different techniques to doing This is a sport in which two com- who needed to stay fit and - im air while skydiving, on high cheese, but this appeared to be too this, but a common way is to tap petitors kick each others shins prove their mobility underwater. cliffs, in caves, deep under- hard, so now it is whoever passes the ground in a rhythmic pattern. until one drops to the ground. ZORBINGZORBING water, and while riding bikes. the finish line at the bottom of If your head isn’t rattled enough There are three rounds and best If you want to feel like a ham- WIFEWIFE CARRYINGCARRYING the hill first. Most participants from boxing and you can still out of three wins the match. In ster Zorbing is the perfect sport There are even sports married tend to stumble and roll down think of strategic chess moves order to play this sport you have for that. People are put inside couples can participate in, one the hill like cheese. The winner then Chess Boxing is your sport. to have the ability to endure pain. Thanos With An Iron Deficiency Illustrated by Tenley Tomlinson 9 1 6 4 2 4 7 7 1 2 6 2 9 4 3 1 2 3 9 4 2 6 8 3 2 4 6 1 8 2 6 5 Puzzle by websudoku.com Satire: Info Truthers #1 Are Cartoons Turning Your Child Into a Gay Communist Satanist? Justin Higginbotham state enforced homosexuality nationwide. murders and human sacrifices in the U.S you that these cartoons exist to possibly STAFF WRITER The next year he was overthrown by our alone” As stated by a study from the re- help your child feel accepted. For a child ISCLAIMER: This article is fully Sun God Donald Trump. Within the time nowned Fayetteville University. growing up in a world where homosexu- satire, under no circumstances he is in office, he has become a leader of To counteract this, our Sun Emperor and ality and differences are more prevelently should anything stated here be the people. He has eradicated all racism, Leader of the People Donald Trump sent tolerated than ever A child whom may be Dspread without the recipient’s knowledge sexism, and almost all gay satanists. Yet out numerous death squads to Barack Osa- feeling confused sexually can be influ- of the fact it is used for comedic purposes. in 2016, following his election, the Demo- ma’s hiding place in the Altai Mountains enced by these shows, and will helped to Info Truthers™ #1: Cartoons turning your crats went back in time and retroactively of Mongolia. These brave death squads let them know that they are normal they child into a Gay Communist Satanist? released the hit children’s show Steven have yet to return. Until Barack Osama can be represented in the shows they will This article is a warning to you all whom Universe on May 21st 2013, this is where is returned to the Netherrealm with a de- grow up watching, and that they are the may consume. The democrats are trying to our story begins. mon vanquishing ritual, all you can do is same as any other child. transform YOUR child into a gay, satanist, As the show premiered on Cartoon Net- block all television channels (Fox News Extreme controversy of minority repre- communist mindslave. How are they do- work a total of 197,567,991 children had and Christian Broadcast Network aside) sentation, especially of the LGBT com- ing it you ask? Well sit back and read converted to Gaysatano-Communism, as from your children. Do everything you munity, has always existed in American because your miniscule sheep mindslave stated by a statistic from Shaw University. can to stop your children from being ex- media. The fact that children are able to brains are about to be blown. To quote one The show features numerous gay charac- posed to any of these shows. If your child see these gay characters in their shows of our founding fathers, George Washing- ters and sneaks in a massive amount of has already been exposed then take these is a great step closer to social justice in ton once said, “Do not be gay, satanist, or hidden subliminal messages about Maoist precautions: 1. Wrap tightly in heavy iron America and a step further from a time communist because that is not American Communism and Satanism. One of many chains 2. Submerge in holy water blessed where a same sex couple could face legal and also very bad.” These inspirational of the highly dangerous episodes to pre- at your local Mega Church (give a half consequences for existing. In fact there words found their way into the US consti- miere on the Satanist program is the 10th of all your belongings and your youngest should not even be a need to justify these tution, yet on August 4th 1961, everything episode of the series titled ‘Steven’s Lion’ child to the Church to obtain said Holy characters existing. Never listen to any of changed. Barack Hussein Osama was born (a reference to the beast that is satan) if Water) 3. Purchase Info Truthers™ brand those arguments, those are just the Gay in a small village in Iraq, he later snuck you were to pitch down, increase the audio Hyperbrain Power Supplements in mass Satano-Communists trying to annihilate his way into the United States government speed to 66, and play in reverse, you will for only $119.98 on the Info Truthers your brain and your free will, turning you as Shah Emperor, this is where everything hear the words “Kill your landlord, Hail website, these will help you hyper focus into one of their mind slaves to destroy the starts. Barack Osama, on June 26 2015, Satan.” repeatedly throughout the episode. as you wrestle your child into chains. free Christian United States. God bless under the alias of Obama, implemented “This single episode has caused 2000+ In conclusion, the satanists will try to tell America and the Info Truthers™ patrons.