The Committed Indian
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$3 Where We Welcome Jay Cutler With Open Arms $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com April 3rd, 2009 [email protected] PLAYOFFS?! PLAYOFFS?! Strange days indeed, no? By the end gratitude would be nice, rednecks). against Scum. David Legwand broke a bone of tonight, the Bears will have a real QB, and Though he looks like a Canadian in his face -- which certainly can’t make him the Hawks may have qualified for the playoffs. muppet, we once again have to flabbergasted any uglier -- and is out for a while, too. Jason What planet is this? Did we get our drink at the job Barry Trotz continues to do in Ten- Arnott is still a week or so from coming back. spiked again? Obviously must have been an nessee. Bereft of any top-line stars, consis- Their forwards are J.P. Dumont -- who has accident, no one would roofie us on pur- tently losing talent to free agency (or the trop- only piled up 156 goals since being traded pose. Thanks to the Blues hilarious win over ical climes of Russia), and rarely restocking for Fucking Michael Fucking Grosek --, Steve Scum last night, the Hawks require one point through that route, Trotz continues, year after Sullivan (more on him inside), and a bunch of tonight to do cinch up a spot. year, to have the Preds in the playoffs. Out of guys who look like you’d find them at a Brit- Though the Hawks have raised the the lockout, Nashville was one of the leading ney Spears concert (you can decide what that bar this season, we should take a moment to teams stocked with speed and skill, and could means, we just know it’s not good). quietly celebrate our return to the postseason. skate you right out of the rink. They can’t However, Nashville still boasts one It’s been seven years, and it wasn’t a very long really do that any more, but Trotz has molded of the top d-pairings around in Shea Weber stay then. We’ve waited a long time for this, a defensively solid team, with everyone com- and Ryan Suter, who do enough scoring to and now that they’ve let us into the party, it mitted to the system. They also have a hellish make up for the lack of same coming from looks like it’ll be years before we’ve killed the penalty kill, which the Hawks have struggled the frontline. Weber is second in goals for liquor supply, struck out with all the chicks, with all year. blueliners with 21, and was a leading Norris thrown up in the bathroom, and head out of Helping that defense is the blossom- contender until some nagging injuries led to it. It’s been a rocky four to six weeks around ing of goalie Pekka Rinne. The Preds have a few hiccups in February (or the fact that we here, but here’s a chance to step back and be been patient with the growth of Rinne, leaving said he was a Norris contender. That’s usually excited again. Playoff hockey at the United him in Milwaukee for three years (lesson to the kiss of death for anyone. We can stop a Center. Makes you smile, just a little, doesn’t be learned with Niemi/Crawford?). You’ll see 30-car funeral procession). it? he’s fourth in the league in GAA, and he’s fifth Take It To The Punk-Ass From His Name Is Sammy Pahlsson in SV% as well. Nashville has paraded goalies Nashville out of the Gaylord Center (or whatever the Oh, that’s why he was brought here. Like all Central teams, the Preds have fuck it’s called now) the past couple years. Wednesday night was the perfect demon- been kind of a headache. The Hawks are 1-2- Tomas Vokoun and Chris Mason have been stration on why the Pahlse was put in a red 1 against them, and it won’t be a walk in the shown the door, all with the thought in mind sweater. Sammy’s line completely bottled up park tonight. But without Arnott, Erat, Leg- that Rinne was eventually going to be the long the Blues top threats of Berglund, Oshie, and wand, the Preds are boasting one line. They’ll term answer. He’s here, and looks to be the Perron. Before you scoff that containing the still be extremely hard to break down, and it part. Blues top line is nothing to be frightened of, won’t be a goal-fest tonight. But will it take However, you wonder if the lat- consider that these three players had thrown any more than three goals, if the Hawks bring est injuries are going to be too much for the up 20 points combined in the five games the defensive game they had on Wednesday? Preds. The ever-annoying ice dancer Martin coming into Wednesday. And three of those We think not. -Orton’s Departed Neckbeard Erat fractured a bone in his leg on Sunday were against defensively-sound outfits Col- ubmus and Vancouver. What’d they manage against the Hawks? Two shots. Deux. Dos. Coach Q is going to have to think long and hard about keeping at least Ladd with Pahlsson. Ladd has the size to deal with the Sedins or Marleau or Iginla, who you’re going to see come the playoffs. Bolland and Havlat have been wonderful in that role for most of the season, but it’s time for them to concentrate on being the #2 line. Laddy and Pahlse have just shut down perhaps the hot- test line in hockey, they’ve earned the right to take on other teams’ threats. You Cannot Be Serious?! The last time we saw the Predators in February, they were in the John Tavares Derby. They were second bottom of the conference, and appeared to be a team that wouldn’t be able to score in a sorority with a fistful of ecstacy. Since that February night when they roared back in the 3rd with three goals, they’re 10-3-4, and sit tied for the last spot (partly thanks to our win Wed. so a little “What? It’s one item!!! Forklift’s Playoff Headlines BLACKHAWKS FACE BIGGEST CHALLENGE federal government to receive “bailout” money, in order to keep their businesses afloat. The Chicago Blackhawks have faced a year full of challenges, with a new captain (Jonathan Toews), the firing of coach Denis Savard four games into the Along with banks and insurance companies, the major American auto season, injuries, and the trading of James Wisniewski. manufacturers have received Federal monies. But now there is another group being That would normally be enough for any team. But now the Blackhawks, affected. the youngest team in the NHL, faces their biggest challenge to date. “This couldn’t have happened at a worse time,” one caddy said at the Growing playoff beards. gathering of the Chicago District Golf Association (CDGA)’s caddies. “We used to “I’ve been working on mine since my birthday always count on the Blackhawks ending the regular season, (November 19),” said forward Patrick Kane. “Here, look… then hitting the courses.” wait, let me get in the light better so you can see it.” Another caddy agreed. “We always talk about the Some players have had difficulties in this particu- “Hawk 100 – 82 games, then 18 holes. But now they’re go- lar area, while others see it as a possible advantage. “I can ing to be in the playoffs, so where does that leave us?” actually grow a beard, Coach,” defenseman Brent Sopel was He continued. “There aren’t that many courses that heard saying. “Can I play now?” use us as it is, with carts everywhere. But a cart can’t tell Defenseman Duncan Keith had other concerns. “I you how a green has been breaking, or when the last time the can grow a beard for the first round,” Keith said. “But what if fairways were watered. We always counted on the end of we get Vancouver? A beard just becomes one more thing for hockey season around here coming nice and early.” (Canucks’ forward Alexandre) Burrows to pull.” “The Hawks missing the playoffs paid for my daughter’s Some players are already prepared though. “Člen ballet lessons,” the first caddy said. “What was bad news for určitý brada is bezvadný. (The beard is perfect)” Martin hockey players and fans was always good news for us.” Havlat said. “I’m always ready for the playoffs.” Fork Lift “We loved looking in the standings and seeing the So far there has been no visible new beard growth Hawks 15 points behind the 8 seed,” he continued. “In fact, on the Blackhawks, but there have been reports of clubhouse a couple years ago we gave (Former Blackhawks’ President) personnel bringing in chia seeds to rub on the players’ faces in order to spur some Bob Pulford our ‘Man Of The Year’ award.” sort of growth. Some of the caddies were even discussing finding greener pastures. “The In a related story, Blackhawks’ president John McDonough is now plan- Hawks are good, and they’re young,” one caddy said. “We need to find a place ning Kris VERSTEEG! Chia Head night. where there are plenty of courses and bad hockey. Sure, you can go to Atlanta, but that team’s hanging by a thread. Same goes for Phoenix. We’re all crossing our fingers for the Islanders to move to Kansas City.” CHICAGO AREA CADDIES ASK FOR GOVERNMENT “That could be like the Pulford years all over again.” BAILOUT In the wake of the current recession, many companies have gone to the Forklift is 1/2 of HOCKEENIGHT.com, and also runs the podcast you can find there, which can be a riotous experience.