"Forced to be Female ... Forever"
l\.- 3383 Volume Four_ 1
"Forced to be Female ... Forever" by M. Renault
Volume Four_ COPYRIGHT c 1989 by Lee's Mardi Gras Ent., Inc., PO Box 843, New York, NY 10108. ALL RI GHI'S RESERVED. If you have a manuscr ipt please send with return rost ~ge to above address for evalua tion. For a cc~plete catalogue of over 400 t i tles send SASE and ~ t :: tf~ c.:c:c: ~o above ;:;dc1 ress . • 3 2
..flared, with a tight fitted low-cut bodice. The Chapter 6 sleeves were short and puffed out with a lot of material. 1be outfit was completed by a short white starched linen apron and a dainty stiff white headpiece. It looked like a little During the next couple of m::mths, I learned tiara. Helene especially liked to see me wear how to live like a girl. Helene guided me through this sexy costune arm.md the house, and was the maze of feminizing lessons , correcting w; so taken by my appearance in it she ordered posture, the way I handled myself, walked, three rrore in blue, red and gold satin. She used my hands and spoke. The training was was afraid I'd wear the black one out or intense, from ITDrning to very late every night. ruin it by spilling sarething on it. I was I becarrE adept at the mysterious 'WOrld of very careful not to. When I wore the maid's makeup, using all t r icks she taught me to cos~ I also put on long black stockings TIEke myself look feminine, convincing and with seams and a lacey black garterbelt. attractive. Bending over in the short skirt 'WOuld reveal my black panties, and several t:i.rrEs Helene Around the house I usually wore the gave me a whipping on the legs because the seams short blonde wig, a variety of lingerie, and, of of my stockings weren't perfectly straight. I course, the everpresent chastity belt which was began checking my stockings every t:i.rrE I unlocked only when I bathed or used the toilet. passed a mirror in the house. This was alviays done under Helene's watchful eyes. She made me sit when I was going to Cooking turned out to be one of my sur the toilet, and once when I inadvertently for prising talents. Helene had been right -when got to, she whipped my buttocks soundly with she'd said anyone could follow a recipe, and the crop and tied me in a sitting position I began turning out elaborate dishes to please over the toilet bowl all night long. I never her sophisticated palate. I did all the serving forgot again. at the rreals in the bie dining roan, r:hen ate my ~ rreals later in the kitchen. There were I got along very well in the high heels, t:i.rrEs -when I thought it would have been nice wearing t han constantly while doing the house to share a meal with her, but she dismissed chores or during my lessons. On the few occa the idea with a wave of her hand, saying that sions when Helene had to leave the house, she we weren't equals and I should keep in my place. locked chrare chains around my ankles to hobble my rroveID2I1t . There was only about two feet of With the aid of the videotape carrera,my chain between the metal cuffs and they were appearance as a girl progressed rapidly. decidedly restrictive, especially in high Sanet:i.rrEs I had to think for a rrarent -when I heels. viewed the playback tapes to remember that I was actually a male beneath all the facade. My maid! s costune arrived. It was a very short black satin skirt, micro-mini length and
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~ didn't confide these thoughts to Helene, of course, for she would have beaten me black that had a dildo attached to it. There was and blue. a rubber _ball that went into my rrouth, effec tively silencing me, and a long hard flesh ·My sex l i fe during this time was all colored rubber penis on the other side of one sided. She 'd take me into her regal bed the leather strap. It stuck out like a tre roan rmst ever; night and make me kneel before nendous erection ccrning fran my tmuth. With her on the bed platfonn to perfonn cunnilingus. my hands bound behind my back I had to use s~times she'd lay m::>aning for what seemed this on her, drawing the dildo in and out like hours before being satisfied. :V.ost times until my neck muscles ached fran fatigue. I had to keep the chastity belt on, with my s~times she wanted ire to push the rubber sex straining against the tight straps. When cock in and out sl™ly, and other times she she'd see my discanfort she'd smile and rerniaj demanded a fast, rapid, fucldng m::>tion. When me that I was no longer a male, just a castra~ed she had taken her satisfaction with it, she'd little sissy in skirts. She was very strict about unbuckle the gag and make me clean it with my the chastity belt. Only once, when I was in tongue. the bathtub and she had to answer the telephone, was I able .to enjoy an erection and relieve The sight of seeing me do this amused my sex need. I think she may have suspected her so much she bought several life-like what had happened though. Perhaps I had acted rubber dildoes and made me suck and lick a little different or sorrething, because a few them, pretending to give a man fellatio. days later she spoke of sending 8Ji/ay for a steel She'd coax me to suck harder, to wet the rub ring device that fit over my sex and would ber cocks with my saliva, to suck in my cheek insure I wouldn't get an erection. This cruel ITRJScles and flick my tongue over the head sounding device could be locked on indefinitely, and underside of the shaft. Seeing these and didn't have to be rerooved in the bathroan. episodes played back on the videotape were I silently prayed she wouldn't get it. At huniliating, especially when Helene would night I'd lay in my bed and dream about giggle in delight, pat me on the head and having sex, regular sex, and I'd crave the free call me a good little cocksucker. d.an to have an erection and enjoy it. Part of my feminizing regilren was learning Helene's predilection for kinky sex grew about nenstruation. Whenever Helene had her wilder. At least, it struck me as freaky, but period, she'd make me go through a IIDck to her it seemed rtm. of the mill. She'd rrenstrual cycle as well. This was done with chide me for being 'straight' and 'puritannical', tampons that she placed up my rectun with the and made jokes about my sex habits being as little string hanging out. She was fond of straight-laced as my tight pink corset. using the Super Tampax size, and cOOITal.ted that they made me walk in a delightfully One of her favorite sex toys was a gag dainty manner. A far worse offshoot of this was the fre- q
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quency that Hel ene used dildoes Oil me. 'When -ever she was bored, she'd rem:>ve the chastity chastity belt. I'd have to spent hours in belt and have me lie on her huge bed while anbarrassed agony until she decided I had she knelt behind me . She'd smear a dollop of learned my lesson. Vaseline on her f inger and push this up my ass, lubricating my tight splriJ:;cter. The If I spoke out of turn, she'd buckle selected dildo would also be liberally greased on a gag and make me wear it all day long to and then she'd position the head of hard rubber teach me silence. against my rear, pushing finnly. It hurt like hell the first tlire she did it, but the dildoes Several tlires after she'd been in w::>uld go in and she'd squeal in delight, Philadelphia all day walking around, she'd congratulating me for being ''so open about have me wash her perspired feet in a small it." Once the dildo was in---and she had basjn of water, then make me drink it. begun using larger and rougher ones---she'd begin a pulling-pushing notion that was unbear The punishnent that I had the rrost trauria able. I'd try to rock back and forth with her · with was not really intended as punislm2nt, rrovanents, but she'd kneel at my side with her but as a cruel reminder of her control. It ann arm.md my waist and hold me still, or adm:mish happened only once. I'd done sarething wrong me with the r iding crop. and Helene announced she'd punish me for it, but first she had to go to the bathroan. She Her favorite bedroom sport on Sunday returned in a few minutes with her crop evenings was to make me kneel on t he floor with and a blindfold which she fastened around my my hands bound behind my back while she in eyes. Not able to see a thing, I was led to serted a king size vibrator up my rear. She'd her bathroa.n and made to kneel over the toilet turn it on and go watch "60 Minutes" on bow1. She ordered me to reach in with my roouth television, warning me not to· let the slippery and grab sanething. 'When I hesitated, she Vaseline-coated thing slip out. I'd clench my laid the crop on my rear and repeated the buttocks to hold it. order. I slowly leaned over and buried my chin in the wann water. She shouted at me There were occasions when I ma.de mistakes again and my face touched sarething long and or failed to measure up to her strict stan soft. I reared back and threw up on the floor. dards. She didn' t resort to the crop or 'When I had recovered, she showed me the that hook in the ceiling of her bedroan very toilet bowl. There was a small banana often, but when she did it was horrible. floating in the clean water. There were other ways she disciplined me, My entire appearance grew rrore and rrore ways that were less violent and __]2~1, but feminine as the rronths went by. I knew that still very huniliating andrror~ifying. there had to be sarething IIDre than plain For minor offenses, she'd simply deny me vitamins in the pills Helene gave me to take bathroom privileges by refusing to unlock the each rrorning, but she merely said they were -8 • -.9 nothing that would hurc me. At t he beginning of the surrner rmnths I watched Helene t ry makeup on me. Helene started going out in public. Helene would said later that I'd acted like a bit of a take me shopping or out to lunch at a fancy snob with the salesgirls, bossing them around, restaurant. I t was the rmst incredible and asking to see rrore and rrnre things, being scintillating experience to be able to walk impatient and acting superior to thein. I don't down the sidewalk and be viewed as nothing ocher think that was true, but I thought about i t. than an attractive young i;.;roman. The stare~ the rnen gave me were especially flatter ing. I We did rmst of our shopping at the big wasn't r eally comfortable receiving such fancy departnent stores and the exclusive looks at first. It was odd. Sane of the men specialty shops. I especially liked going s eeme~ to visually undress me with leering, to Nan Duskin in downtown Philadelphia, the droo~ing looks , and that sort of thing was store Helene said you had to have gold-plated particularly unsettling. I now knerw haw underwear on just to walk in the door. 1-bst of YXJITleI1 felt when that happened. I renembered my original wardrobe was updated there. I when I used to give pretty girls such looks. selected sophisticated, expensive things by It made me want to stop and scream sooiething Gucci, Halston and other big name designers. at such rnen, ·to make them feel like the crude On the way out of the store one day with our vulgar, disgusting slobs they were. Helene ' arms full of packages , Helene made the corrrrent rnerely told rne to act like a lady and not that she hoped I wasn't turning int o a snob. let them get to me. "Don't worry Noelle." She said there were always cures for snobbish s h e 'd say. ti Big strong Mormry's here' to pro- young girls. tect her darling fran the nasty men." ShoppL~g became my favorite activity I blushed when I got admiring looks when we went out , and soon I'd accumulated fran polite gentlenen, and Helene said this enough new clothes to fiil not only my room, made rne look all the rmre darling. She but the guest roan across t he hall as well. taught me how to smile brightly and accept Helene decided to renudel that second room such looks with ease. into a smaller version of her CT..vn dressing area so I 'd have roorn for my things. She I~ shopping,I _was accorded as much polite consulted a contractor who cmre out, l ooked attention and consider ation as the rest of the roan over and took sore measurements. the ~. The day I walked back into the Specifications were agreed upon and work cosmetic department at Saks Fifth Avenue started the following week. was a small triumph for me. As predicted, none of the smre salesgirls knew that just There were three carpenters working a few short m:mths before I'd been there in and banging away , the contractor and his my old male self, embarrassed while they two sons who were ym.mg men in their twenties . During the day when they were about, Helene had me wear demure skirts and blouses instead of my usual maid's • - 11 -10 son. The realization that I v.xiuld never be costlll'IV:?.. She had introduced me as her niece. like him, that I'd never be a masculine young man again, struck rne hard. I was now very I'd chat with the contractor and his sons different, not a male and no~ a ferrale, but as they rrnved in and out of the house carrying in sorre ways still male and ill a lot of ways supplies. It was getting into the wa.nrer fEID3.le. It was very confusing. My resentm2nt weather, so Helene had me take them a tray aver the way Helene kept rne locked up ~ with glasses and a big pitcher of lerronade the chastity belt surfaced and stayed ill during the middle of the afternoon. They my mind. When I looked at the husky young welcaned this refre~hrrent wholeheartedl y carpenter, I knew he could rip off hi~ blue and were very grateful. I 'd linger and talk jeans any time and make love to any girl. I with than. They knew the project was goine wasn't allowed t o have that kind of pleasure to be my dressing roan, and they marvelled anyrrore. He could strut c;rr
tray down, the two young i:ren took a break and dropped their tools. They came over and ''Oh, like the way you've been sashaying we talked for awhile. I asked them how it aromd us, twitching your tail mder our noses, was going and they said just fine. They drank like SCII'e rich little cmt." greedily from their glasses and I poured them IIDre. The older one said he always liked scrre I was startled. There was a bad IIDOd in thing cool to drink, and then asked rne if I the air. liked to drink sooiething cool or hot. ''Yeah," the younger brother said. ''You been I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but acting real cute, honey, like SCII'e goddarrned I poured him the last of the 16IDnade and high and mighty little twat." said I'd probably prefer scrrething cool on such a wann day as that. I turned aromd quickly to get out of there, but the older son grabbed my wrist and I 'Tilat I s furmy' I' he said. forced it behind my back, twisting it mtil it felt like it was breaking. The younger one I 'F\.rnny? 'Why? I I grabbed my other ann and pulled it behind my back, too, forcing rne to my knees. I screCII1)2d "Oh, you act like you're the type and yelled, kicked and struggled, but it was that'd like scmething wann. Ain't that so, bro?" useless. His brother chilred in. "Sure. Yessiree! ''Scream all you want, cmt ! Your old You look like the kind of little la.dy that'd take amtie ain't gorma' care to help you!'' a shine to sane thing like that. '' He looked rne up and down with one of those lusty grins Helene My God, I panicked, they'd done sarething had told me to ignore. I did, and turned to his to Helene, and now they had rne I All sorts of brother. images of blood, rape, pain and death flashed before rne. ''Hey, what are you guys talking about? You been harrm=ring so long your brains gone ''Talr...e it easy, pussycat, 11 one of them squooshy?'' cooed. "We're not going to hurt you. Be cool, and you won't get hurt. Just settle down." ''No, baby. We know ·what we' re talking He mzipped his jeans and fumbled with his about. Don't you have any idea?'' mdershorts. Soon an enorrrous erect cock emerged, its romd head purple and nenacing. "Open up, The yomger one spoke. ''Yeah. You mean little bitch, and get sarething hot to drink." you don't know how W'e feel about certain things?'' He ranmed his cock against my rrouth but 'What things?" I was puzzled. I sealed my lips and fought it. His brother behind me twisted my anns tighter and I reeled from the pain. -.14 15
''Open up I '' he shouted, and the one behind choked. My stanach turned and I tried to spit yelled that he ' d break my anns if I didn't. up, but they shouted at me. I slowly parted my lips and the huge cock "Eat it, goddann you! Swallow it! Don't was shoved into my rrouth. It felt wann and hard you dare spill a drop, you :fucking ctm.t ! '' and repugnant. I S'\.vallowed with soreness and felt sick. My ''You better not bite down on it ctm.t roouth went limp as the size of the spent cock or I '11 bash your fucking head in l S~k it i '' slowly withered. 'When it was pulled out, cun dribbled down my chin. It was ~rse than the dildoes ever made ne imagi..~e. I closed my eyes tight and tried to The brothers changed places and I opened think, but I could only kneel between them and my eyes to see another throbbing hard on waving take whatever they decided to do with me. in my face. I didn't struggle or fight anyroore, feeling incapable of any resistance. As the second He started rarrrning the stiff cock back and cock pushed against my lips, I opened my rrouth fort~ in my rrouth, . bruising my lips. They were and let it inside. It wasn't as fat as the first holding my head still and pressing it against cock, but it felt just as long and when it his crotch. brushed against the back of my throat I lurched and gagged. They hadn't pinned my anns behind "Not with your teeth! Ouchi Watch it you my back this tinE, and I held my hands up in goddamn stinking ctm.tl I'll kill you!" ' a gesture of surrender and canpliance. They didn't hold me, so I placed my hands ar0tm.d I tried to soften IITf rrouth and suddenly the base of the cock while rroving my head r~ered h~ Helene had taught me to use my back and forth. lips on the dildoes . Recalling her ~rds , I put them to use, and imrediately the cock seeired ''Look at that, bro! This little bitch to slide in and out rrore SIDJOthly and easily. does know how to suck a good ·cock after all! Oh, that feels good!" ''Oh, yes I '' I heard him say. ''Now suck l Suck, damnit, you goddarrn little rich bitch! They laughed and told me to keep at the Suck!'' good ~rk.
I sucked. I used all the tricks and tech I only wanted to make it as· easy on myself niques I could nruster. It ~uldn't end. It went as possible and get it over with. If I could on for an eternity, and then the cock rroved just make this one climax they ~uld let me in slower, shooting his cum against the back go, but he ~uldn' t c~. He just stood there of my rrouth and splashing it down my throat. rroaning, holding back, wanting not a climax, It was wann and thick and sticky. I gagged and but for my fellating him to last forever. I was 16 • 17 weary and my m:mth and lips were bruised and sore. My knees ached and my stanach felt sick. a snob. I am very fortunate to be wealthy, He wouldn't cone and I tried everything I could but I don't treat people poorly because of rE!Ia!lber from Helene. I licked and sucked and it, and I don't flaunt it. You should do the tongued and slurped and swallowed. It never same. l'brV go and wash your face and change ended and my IIDuth started to feel ccrnpletely your stockings. Put sooe rnethiolate on your nunb. Then I heard him catch his breath. En skirmed knees. It's not the end of the world." couraged by this, I .sucked harder and faster and soon his cock erupted in a flood of hot stich7 She helped rne to my feet and t old rne I cun. It kept flooding past my lips by the IIDuth could stay in my roan the rest of the day. As ful and I had to swallow three times before it I opened the door to it, I saw her enter the roan stopped. He slid his spent co<± out of my m:mth the carpenters were working on. In her hand and gently put it back into his jeans. v.;iere two fifty dollar bills.
They stood there grinning, watching me, The ~ring resumed a m:m::nt later. making no effort to force me to do anything else. I wiped my bruised m:mth with my hand and shakily got to my feet, eyeing them care fully. i.Jhen they didn't rrvve, I turned and ran out of the room and down the hallway. I was running for the front of the house when I passed the library and incredulously saw Helene writing quietly at her desk. She looked up calmly. I rushed in and threw myself on the floor by her chair. She had known! She'd sat quietly in the very next roan and done nothing to stop that horror! I looked at her with tears running down my face. Through gulps I tried to tell her what happened.
She put down her writing pen quietly and turned to look at rne on the floor. Crossing her legs and sighing, she studied my swollen lips, torn stoclr-ings and scraped knees •. ''Now you know what can happen, Noelle. Don't go around acting like Little Miss Rich Bitch, like 19 18 tell he was suitably impressed with my outfit from the way he ogled me . He was a very pleasant, Chapter 7 big jolly man, and once in the kitchen went to ~rk on the broken appliance humning a little song.
Helene took ne aside and told rre she had It was a very pleasant and idyllic slllllIY2r. to dash off in a hurry to take care of sane unexpected business, and that I was to make The pool was cleaned and filled, and I'd sure to watch the serviceman and see that the sit out on a lounge chair surming myself. The dishwasher got fixed, then pay hirn if she didn't pink bikini I ~re was not as daring as sane of get back before he was through. the skimpy little string things girls ~re on the beaches, but it was flattering and let me I went back to the kitchen and heard the get sane sexy sun tan rnarks . Helene rnade me ~1ercedes zoan off. The dishwasher was sitting wear a tight little G-string under it to hold in the middle of the floor, parts laying around my sex flat. It was a lot rrore ccmfortable than it, the big repainnan happily at work. I s';lt the chastity belt. on one of the kitchen chairs and watched hirn. Or rather, we watched each other. He'd unabash One day the dishwasher in the kitchen broke edly look over at me every so often and take a down and we had t o call a service repainnan. Be long glance at my legs, or my chest or my hair. fore he came out the next day Helene made me Often he rnade the ccrrrnent that I looked pretty, dress in the long blonde wig that was teased up had a nice smile and was a very attractive young real saucy and sexy. I put on an orange turtle girl. He was really very nice and i:us canpliments neck halter top, a short white tennis skirt were sincere and honest, never making me feel and white high heel sandals. The night before that he was any kind of creep or sex fiend. she'd suggested I give myself a manicure and We talked as he worked and he told me about his pedicure using bright red nail polish. I thought divorce his kids, his fishing trips, and his I looked a bit outrageous in such a sexy outfit, pride at being the best repairman his canpany what with the breast forms in the skimpy top, had. Friendship and niceness seemed to ooze the hair and the nail polish, but Helene said out of hirn, and while he obviously liked the I looked just fine. It seerred odd to go to all way I looked, he never once rnade an off-color that trouble just because a repainnan was caning, remark or sly sug:,gestion. and I couldn't understand why she wanted me to look so sexy, unless she wanted to give sane About a half hour later, he had the dish poor ~rking stiff a thrill. washer fixed and pushed back into the wall. While he ran it through a test cycle,I offered When the doorbell rang I went to answer hirn sane coffee and cake. It felt nice to be it and led the repainnan into the kitchen. He around such a friendly person, and when I told was a bJg_tall balding man, well over six feet, him I 'd baked the cake myself, he wasn't shy ~th a barrel chest and big thick arms. I could 20 t 21
about asking for another piece. she'll be back real soon." . TI:e dishwasher clicked off and he took out his thic~ workbook to figure up the bill. I went ''She didn't leave no money? No checkbook? 11 to the library 'Where Helene kept sane rmney and her checkbook in the desk. But it was iocked' "No. Gee, I'm really sorry. " I tried all t he drawers and looked all over · for a key, but there was nothing . Helene never He glanced at his watch again and asked let me carry any rroney myself so I didn't have to call his office. Using the kitchen extension c;my. I tri7d to think of what to do, then went I heard him talk to saneone. I presumed it was 111to Helens room to see if she'd left any rmney his boss. or a checkbook in a purse there but there was nothing. ' ''Well, '' he said. ''How about sending these folks a bill for it then, huh? These are nice I went back to the kitchen and told the folks and this little lady here feels awful bad. repainnar:. The bill was forty-eight dollars. I'm sure they're good .. for it .... No? Gosh, can't I told_him I couldn't find any rmney in the house, do it?" He spoke a "While longer and then ht.mg up but said that rn.y at.mt would be returning shortly the phone. and would pay him. I asked him to wait. He looked at his watch and frowned but said okay "Little lady, I'm sorry, I truly am, but I As I served rmre coffee and cak~, I told him h~ got to get on my way with my service calls. anbarrassed I felt about it, but he told me not There's other folks waiting for me today, and I to worry. got to go. I know you ain't to blame. You're real pleasant to be arot.md, but the man says "O~, I: v7 seen all kinds of things in my if I don't get payment, I got to t ake out them day. This al.11 t all that t.mique , rnissy. 11 He new parts I just put in your washer." w~t on to regale me with adventures in the kitchens, lat.mdries and air conditioners of "Oh no! Please! We 've got to have it re middle America. It was quite furmy and we paired! 11 I rernerril:lered Helene' s stern instructions. laughed together a lot. I sneaked a look at the clock and saw that a lot of time had passed ''But I got to go , ymmg l ady. '' He looked at the wristwatch on his big hairy · ann, and I t old him again how sorry I was about I talked him iJ.1to waiting a l ittle l onger the delay. for Helene. As we talked, he told me he thought I was a very fine yet.mg lady and wished he "Did she say 'When she was canin' back?" could meet saneone like me. He was sweet. he implored. · More time passed and Helene still hadn't ·~. I'm sorry. I really feel awful. Can returned. The man clearly had to go , and he'd you ·wait a little bit rmre, please? I'm sure have to take out the parts and leave t he dish washer broken. I begged him not t o. • ·23 22 feeling that she would appr ove of me seeing He took a deep br eat h and sighed. ''Well, this nice man, if onl y to pay him back the rroney. I guess I could do somet hing else. We're not supposed to do it, r eally, not ·with the customers." ''Yeah, you can give me back t he rroney then, He said he could use some of his own personal that's what I mear1. Look, there's a1.little place rroney to pay the bi ll, and then I'd have to pay I like a fev miles from here, nice place, over him later. near Wayne. Whyn' t you meet me t here? Tonight, okay? Yeah? Good! Say, at eight o'cl ock? Look, '"I1iat way the bill gets paid and I get I'll write you directions ." back on the road and your lit tle ol' dishwasher stays fixed. How's that?" As he drev me a little map, I realized that my wanting to be with him again was not a sexual I told him it sol.lllded f ine, but wondered how thing, like you'd usually consider a date to be, I would get the rroney t o him. but a desire for friendship, to be with a nev person who was fun and kind and happy. This He took a thick, battered billfold from his big hulk of a man was so shy and well-marmered, back pocket. It was stuffed with cards and papers I felt no threat at all. We'd sit around talking but he managed to find forty-eight dollars in and laughing, maybe see if my dancing lessons had the creases. done any good, then I'd give him a polite kiss on the cheek and that would be it. ' 'Well, that about cleans me out. That 's my personal spendin' mmey . '' It would feel good to make a friend on my own after so long. I felt awful. We agreed on the date and he blushed. I ''Let 's see now . Do you think your al.lllt will couldn't help but giggle. He smiled all the be hare by this evening?" way out the door. "Yes, I'm sure of it." Helene cane home just a fev minutes after the man' s service van pulled out of the , ' 'Well,'' h~ blushed. ''Look, there's something drivevay. Ive been mearung to say. I've been trying to get up enough nerve about i t ever since we started ''You did what?" she screarred. talkin' and you started feedin' me that good cake of yours. W<;>uld you go out with me? I mean, gee, I told her what had happened, and explained would you like t o go out, and have a little that I had agreed to meet the man t hat evening dinner maybe, and do a little dancin'? Huh? You to repay the rroney he'd used on our bill. As dance?'' she contemplated this, I pleaded ·with her to let me have a friend of my own , at least for Hel ene had made me take lessons . I said yes, one innocent evening. He was a big , kindly teddy • 24 . 25
''Shut up and get dressed!'' bear of a man , and there 'd be nothing sexual between us. I begged her to give me one evening I was mide to wear the shortest and where.I.went out and had a good time on my own. tightest black skirt I had. The dark t ops of Surprisingl y, she agreed. I was st ruck by how my stockings could be seen at the hm. in.e much trust she mus t have had i._..,_ me. when I stood, and vihen I sat the garters and my bare thighs v;Quld be exposed. For a blouse ''How are you going to get to this place?" she selected a bright pink bare-midriff top. she asked. It anphasized the shape of the large breasts and left my middle bare. The final touches "Can I use the car?" were large hoop earrings, several cheap bangle bracelets and the first pair of shoes Helene ''May I use the car!" had ever bought me---the four-inch high hee.l patent red sandals with ankle straps. She ''May I use the car?" put a little m:>re m:ikeup on me, making my "No. I might need it. Take a cab and have lips large and red. this guy b ring· you heme, EY midnight! '' When I l ooked in the mirror I was . I felt very happy as I prepared for the even.- dismayed. mg, and too~ extra care in dressing and making ''But Helene l I l ook like a whore !'' up to look nice. The chastity belt was on, of course, and I put on a pale peach set of lingerie, a ''Not quite, dear." She attached a neck pretty green dress and beige heels. I wore the lace around me. It was a little chain with short blond~ •vig and thought I looked pretty v;Qrds in fr ont that read "Sexy Bitch" . and appropriate. ''N<:M you look like a whore ." She sur 'Take all that shit off!" Helene came in and said. She made me undress completely and veyed her -work and smiled. start all over again. I was surprised when she "But Helene, pleas~! I don't want it rerroved the chastity belt and said I could to be like, this, please! I want it to b e nice . I" go out without it. First, I had to put on the teased-up sexy blonde wig, then she went over Her voice got cold with that hardness I'd my m:ikeup and made it heavier and IIDre pro learned to respect. ''You either go like this nmmced, especially around the eyes . Next came a black padded push-up bra. With the breast or you don't go.'' inserts it made my bosom look larger than I relented. She gave me a hundred dollar usual. She selected a black garter belt and bill for my purse and then sprayed me with black panties, plus black seamed stockings. a thick cloud of heavy per:furre. "But Helene ... " • 27 26
''Please, helene! '' up and staring at my exposed stocking tops and thighs. There were a f ew women who looked "Shut up l Your cab 's here. Go on , &1.d have at me in disgust. I hear d whlspers of 'hundred a nice tim2. '' dollar hooker ' . . . She ushered me out the front door to the I was very nervous and was glad when Kenny waiting taxi. I gave the directions to the returned and sat beside me. I gave him the cI:"iyer and we were off. He eyed me with sus TIDney for the bill he'd payed earlier t hat picion and contEITipt. I hoped Kermy the big day, and we talked._ fm.::- a while. He appeared to repainnan, wouldn't do the same. After all, be verv nervous with me and I could tell he he had seen me that afternoon and had liked was put off considerably by the clothes the way I looked then. Helene had made me wear. Other custorrers walked by slowly, openly staring at my lewd The place I was to meet Kenny turned out costume. I knew then I should not have come to be a small roadside cocktail lounge and res at all, but it was too late . Perspiration taurant, very country and western in style. fanned on my face. When we pulled up in the gravel parking lot I handed the driver the bill Hel.ene had giv~ There was a short, very fat girl acting me. It was the only rroney I had. as bal'.I'Mid. Everytirre she'd come to the bar she'd use t he place behind me to bump up "Honey, I can't change a hundred dollar against my back, sometimes hitting me lightly bill! ft with her tray or shoulderin8 me brusquely. Kenny was staring down at his hands, trying I got out of t he cab and went int o the to make conversation, but the jolliness he p~ace. There were sane tables and chairs to one was so full of that afternoon had vanished. side , a l arge U-shaped bar and a j ukebox. The roan was half-filled with casually dressed When the bartender brought us our drinks people . They all stopped and stared at me he banged mine down. I guessed that his pride when I walked through the door. It was a minute in the craft of bartending was the only thing before Kenny appeared and came over to me. I that kept him from spilling i t on me. could te~l he w~s slightly aghast at my outf it, but I smiled bri ghtly and said hello. He led me Several of the other men came up to us. over to where he'd been sitting at the bar and I as~ed 1:rlm if he had change for the bill,' ''Hi, Kenny! Where'd you get the new gir1?'' holding it out t o him. ''Um umnh ! woks like you got yourself a His eyes bulged. Other people looked He hot one this tim2 ! ' ' changed t he bill with the bartender and w~t out to pay the abbie. I sat on the barstool 'Think you can handle that, Ken?" ao,d all t he men eyed me, noting my heavy make- • 28 29
They gathered around us and started talkinr.;. The door to the restrocm opened and one All of them knew Kermy, who was obviously a. of the VJO!Ieil custarers cane in. She was wearing regular at this place. One of them started stro a bowling shirt. While I stood at the sink, king my knee with his finger. another 'WOril8Il carre in, this t ime the short, overweight barmaid. She carre up to me and ''Oowee ! l.Dok at that! My, don't that · feel spoke at my back. good? You felt this nice little black stocking stuff yet, Ken? l.Doks like nice stuff inside ''What are you doin' with Kenny?" too!" ' I turned arolIDd to face her, and saJi/ ''Here, let me see. '' One of the men muscled another wcm:m care in. Looking at the banna.id, forward with a drink in his hand and sloppily I told her he had simply asked me out for a spilled some on my knee. date. ''Oh, baby, I 'rn sorry. Kermy, I 'rn sorry ''You? A date?" for spilling my liquor on your girlie's l eg. And it's such a nice leg, yes. Here, darlin', ''Yeah," added one bf: the ~. ''Kermy' s let me clean that up for you real good. '' our friend. He doesn't go arolIDd with t ramps like you." He dropped to his knee beside me and started licking my leg, much to the delight of the others ''Look, I 'm not ... " who whooped and hollered in glee. I missed the stiff protectiveness. If these men ever The bannaid broke in. ''What are you folIDd out what I really was, I VX)Uld be in doing her~,slut?" real danger. ''Look,'' said another. ''Kenny' s a big The mm at my knee licked my stocking , sweet guy, a bit slCM maybe. A lo~ of and another man started stroking my ann. I people try to take advantage of him, and your felt the long hair of my wig being touched, kind ain' t welcare here. '' but Kenny just sat there passively enduring the treatment of his friends. The bannaid was getting livid. ''I said what are you doing here, slut? Hundred dollar Panic ber;an rising in me. I had to do hooker, huh? I think you out to get a hlIDdred something, so I squinned my way out of the dollars worth!" group and went to the ladies' room. Once in side I leaned against the wall and breathed She slashed out with her meaty right hand deeply, trying to calm my racing heart. This was and drove a fist into my stomach, then chopped crazy. It was a very ugly scene brewing out me across the nose with the other. The wind there and I didn't want to face it. I'd have was knocked frcm me and my face erupte in Kenny take me home right aJi/ay. pain. I fell back against the sink and twisted, • 31 30 and a car slid arotmd the corner and came to a screechin g halt · It was Helene, indoo the blackI th~ heel of my sandal was broken off and Mercedes. She had the passenger s r op~. stabbing pain shot up my leg. I got several dove in and locked it. She gurmed t1:1e engine punches in the face. Blood flew over my eyes and roared through the crowd, spraying gravel. as the sharp, hurt ing blCMs made rre half blind. Sarebody grabbed my ann and twisted No one followed. it back, at the sarre m:rnent I got a pCMerful kick in the stanach. I felt my insides scream I had to stay in bed about a week with my in agony. My top was ripped off and the breast injuries. Luckily, I'd sustained no broken fonn.s were torn out. bones but I had a black eye, torn elbc:Ms ' a twi~ted ankle, tender r ibs, and cuts and ''Hey, what the hell is this?'' I heard bruises all over. sareone say as the clawing and ptmching went on. I tasted blood in my rrouth and felt a Helene nursed rre. She didn't saJ: a word thudding pain in my ribs as another kick about the incident. I knew that outs7de of landed. SorIEbody gouged at my eyes and a fist her 8Ji!ay from her, there was very little thumped rre across the ear. Just as my skirt saf~ty or security for rre. 'llie way tho~e b was torn open my blonde wig was pulled off. eo le had reacted when the true me ha een I lay bleeding and bruised while all three of ~e~ealed showed that I had to keep my secret the attackers took in the incredulous sight of hidden at all costs. There was no way a stra rre without a wig, without falsies, naked except nger could ever be expected to tmderstand. for torn lingerie. 'lliey were wide-eyed at the obvious shape tmder the front of my panties. Just then Kenny charged through the door. He, too, stood dunbfotmded. Terror and animal fear welled up before rre. I took the only chance I had and burst passed them all and back out the door, 'lliere was a small crCMd of people gathered outside the restroan but they fell back in astonis'l'mmt upon seeing rre. I sprinted through them, tearing off one shoe and limping on the other's broken heel. As I crashed through the front doors I could hear the crowd start yelling and running after rre. If they caught rre . . . I ran arotmd the side of the building in panic with the angry bar patrons clarroring behind. I heard them shouting at rre. Just then ~rful headlights jabbed through the darkness • 32 33
Chapter 8 oo their craggy faces. I'd take turns dancing with them, dining beside them, and att ending the horse shows and awards presentations . Helene had been so satisfied with my In the fall was one of the big social progress in the riding lessons that she per events of Helene's calender, the Marclay Hunt. mitted rne to ride in the hunt. For this It was a weekend of glittering social events special occasion my usual casual riding garb clanc~s and banquets, topped by an elaborate ' of jeans and jodpurs was replaced by a full Engl7sh-style fox hunt on Sunday. I'd becane English riding outfit: black Delmer boots, a fairly good rider with the m:mths of lessons tight cream-colored britches, white silk ~elene.ha~ forced me to endure. She said that blouse with stock tie, black f itted jacket i~ I di~ t learn, she 'd put me on a horse and hunt cap. With my shor t kidskin riding with a dildo strapped in me and see how I gloves and English boot spurs , I looked as liked that. good as any of the other hor sewanen . The men, of course, were all turned out in the tradi My riding lessons were sanething I looked tional scarlet jackets. forward to. It was one of the few times I was re leased fran the confinEilY2!1t of the chastity I rode one of the several horses Helene belt, ~d I came to look forward to the l essons kept at the stables, while she was up in the ~ a tl.Ire when I could ranind myself that under stirrups of her big Irish Thoroughbred Hunter. ~hesewaren's clothes I still had my maleness. The hunt started with a larger assemblage He~ene had l;>een very !?enerous to me, but every of riders trotting out behind a frisky pack of thing she did was designed to force me into hounds. Once away fran the stables we all stood fanininity, to force me to becane a girl I and waited while the Master Huntsman coaxed still got pleasure fran my maleness and· the the hounds into sniffing out a fox. After a riding lessons were the only outlet'by which .few minutes one found the scent and bayed I could enjoy it. It was the only tlln2 I could loudly. There was an encouraging note on the sneak away in private sa:rewhere for a few horn and the cry ''Hark to Rambler!" minutes and give myself pleasure. All the fonuality and traditions of an All during the weekend of the hunt I English fox hunt were confusing to me, and swept. through the balls and banquets as a Helene told me merely to follow her and not dazzling young socialite. My escorts were one make any unnecessary jumps . There was another or the other of a couple of Helene's old friends high blast on the horn as the yelping pack from London, Sir Reginald Lipton and Sir of hounds raced off across a meadow. The hunt Thanas Horvath. They were crusty old Britishers · was on. l;i:oth in their fifties, a bit pot-bellied fran ' too much ale, with wiry upturned nnustaches We rode fast through the countryside for several minutes , then all the rider s sl owed .34 35
~ and gathered together. The fox had eluded her riding crop in her hand. They were intrigued, the bounds and they ran around trying to pick and had grins on their faces. up the scent. There were curses about the ''bloody stiff-necked fox". When the horn sounded ·~se gentlfflE1 are interested in you, Noelle. and the pack of riders broke into full pursuit, You should be courteous to them. Isn't that Helene cm-re along side and told me to follow right, Sir Reggie?" she asked. her. We left the main group and she led the way across several fields and into a woods. "Oh, I say, dear lady! Quite right!" There were several riders off their horses in a small clearing, and we reined in to join "Sir Rory?" them. I recognized Helene's old friends frcm London, looking very dapper in their scarlet "Right indeed, old gir11 Yes, I've been coats. The third rider, much younger, was admiring the fonn of your lovely young niece introduced as Sir Reginald's nephew. all weekend long. I like the cut of her jib, so to speak." Helene and I disroounted. There was a silver flask being passed around, and after The rren leered in delight. Helene took a healthy swig she wiped it off with her gloved hand and gave it to me. I ''Of course,'' Helene continued. ''We have wasn't much of a drinker, and the men teased to put my dear little piece of fluff in the me about it, so I t ook a pull at the little right frm-re of mind, no?" silver bottle. It was hard scotch whiskey, and it burned down my t hroat bringing tears '1-Iere, here 1" The Britishers chi.Ired in to my eyes. The rren all broke up in laughter with big smiles. The silver flask was passed am:mg at this and Helene thunped me on the back. them.
Sir Reginald complirrented me on my appear Helene ~ up to me and unbuckled the front ance in the English riding att ire, and soon all of my riding britches an~, wi~ a qui~ tug, pulled of them were milling close around me. They than down revealing my pink silk panties. appeared to have had quite a lot of the whiskey and were in high spirits. Soon they were '1-Iere, here l '' cm-re another burst. pulling at my j acket, jostling me . I looked to Helene, but she only stood aside in silence ''Get down. '' She directed me, and pushed me watching. When I started to struggle and pull to my knees in the leaves and dirt. Stepping a!ilay , she st epped fo:rward and slapped my face behind she quickly pulled the panties expo with a sharp blow. sing mY buttocks. The rren all wa~d bel;ind ~ to look. I started to shake and quiver m ln.Ini "Slrut up and be still I " liation. Helene spoke in cool, crisp words· The rren stepped back in silence. She had ''Now, gentlerial, what we have here is a 36 37 delightful, cute little tush, and, if you care to inspect closer, you'll find a surprise." She "What ho, I say!" prodded rne with the crop and made rre spread my legs apart. 1 'Proceed, dear madam I '' ''Well , I ' ll be cl.armed I " With that she said "Gentlerren, observe! " 'Ihe crop whizzed through the air and slashed "Crikey! look at that! It's a boy!" against my buttocks. I jerked in pain and quivered. 'Ihe crop whizzed again and the sting "It looks like a boy, I rrean a girl, of the second blow made rre cry out in pain. She but it's a boy. Oh, I say Helene, old girl, handed the instrunent to the men and they all you have played a bloody devilish trick on us." took turns whipping me. I cried and winced and tensed with pain, and soon my rear was criss-crossed ''I say! What a marvelous gir1, or boy, or with a pattern of sharp ·welts. whatever I Incredible I Absolutely incredible I 11 ''N The thrusting quickened and I gasped as I She helped rre to my feet and I pulled up felt hot ct.rn pour into rre. The hands released my panties and soiled breeches. I nnved slowly my hips and the limp cock was pulled out. I and stiffly, my face as a rress and my eyes were sagged to the ground, but felt another set of red with tears. She brushed rre off and straightened hands clasp my waist. There was a laugh and sane my blouse, then wiped my nose and eyes. Handing one made a joke about a "wet deck". rre my riding -cap~ she asked if I could ride. It would hurt, but I wanted to get ~. so I sniffled. I was sore and burning fran the first and nodded yes. assault but the second erection pressed de~ tenninedly to force its way in. It seared like ''Good, cane on. '' She took rre by the ann a hot poker and I screamed. The hands around and gently led rre over to my horse. "I f anybody She gave m= a leg up onto my horse and we Chapter 9 trotted slowly back to the stables. Helene had been a member of a \vornen's dis cussion group for sane t irre . It met every other Thursday night at various members ' hanes . They were all fairly wel l -to-do WCTD2!1, many success ful in businesses and active in the wanen' s IIDvernent. Whe...1 it was Helene's turn to host the get togethers, she at first had banished m= to my bedroom, but later, when I was capable of 'pas sing' , she intr oduced rre as her niece and had m= serve coffee and refreshne:nts. She was reluctant to have m= wear my regular sexy maid' s outfit on these occasions, preferring me to dress IIDre demurely in a simple blouse and skirt. I had the feeling she didn't want her frierids to know the extent of her kinky sexuality. In October the infonnal group met again at Helene's . I answered the door, took coats , served coffee ai1d drin.1<.s,and stayed in the background as usual. They met in the living roan, lounging about on the comfortable sofas . Winter was in the air outside, so Helene had a blaze going in the fireplace. ~1ost of the Worn2Il were divorced or single. One of them, Dee, was in her t hirties with a short, mannish haircut. She dressed alrrost like a man in tough looking shirts and jeans. Helene had told mc she was a radical lesbiar1 separatist, belie ~'ing women should be totally independent of all doings with men . Her views were a bit much for the group, but she was liked so they t olerat ed her. 42 The discussion dealt with warren and business, wanen and politics, women and m:mey, a.'id wanen with rren. I was fascinated by all the things I heard. "Can ' t live without it." ''Who? You or the guy?" "Guys resent success ful ·women. " ''Depends on the wunan. '' ''I can live without any guy, t hank you, It 's them that can't live wi thout strutting around with ''No, they always do. If a wan.:u1 makes rrnre their God Almighty hard-ons in their hands . '' rroney than a man he feels like a Wllilp. Unless she rolls over and spreads her legs, he doesn't "It's the only thing they live for." want her. It castrates than." "Specially the young ones, jeez! They all "Maybe the bastards ought to be castrated. think wanen are going to fall down and worship Serve 'em right. '' them just for the slightest tumble in the hay. 11 "Only after the spenn banks are filled, ''I 'd like to fix all men. Put sane thing in though." the water supply. Scmething l ike that." "Jesus, Dee! Sane of us still like the old ''Right. Then who needs gu'JS?'' hetero way of life, you know. '' ''What do you think of house-husbands?" "Suit yourself." ''Groovy, I 'd like to have one. '' "A guy couldn't live without his sex life . Look at all the gays. They make it their l ife 's ''They VJOuldn' t know what to do." ambition." 'Teach 'em.'' ''Gay guys , you mean. '' ''Think they'd be content?" 'They ought to see what it's like from a 'Why not? They ' ve a 1ways a.'Pec t e d us to be." woman's point of view. Sex, I mean. " ''Yeah if guys had be put dO"wn all the time "How's that ever going to happen? " like hous~ves and IIDthers, they'd sure change their attitude. Fast!" ''Make 'em live like a wanan. '' ''They'd never change. '' ''You mean, turn society upside down?'' ''Yeah. They'll always have a cocky attitude, ''Sounds dunb. '' and I do mean cock-y." ''Sounds like fun. '' ·44 45 rre do what I thought she was . She 'd stopped using ''You can't do it anyway." the chastity belt on me several weeks before, so under my skirt I was now naked. Then she ordered "I can," Helene spoke up. rre to take off my blouse . I start ed unbuttoning it. ''How?'' "This is a strip show !" ''Oh, it can be done." ''Yeah, for ~.;umen . Hey, Dee, you ought to dig this.'' ''Yeah, how you going to do it?" ''Fuck you. '' "I've done it." When the blouse was off Helene told me to ''What?" rerrove my bra. I did so and the breast forms went with it. ''Yeah, what do you rrean, Helene?" ''No tits. So what? She have a double operation?" ''You really want to know?" ''Look at her. She never had any tits. She's ''Yeah, sure." as flat as a pancake. '' ''Tell US • II ''Hope you' re not nervous , Noelle. '' "I' 11 do better than that. Do you want to "Christ, she's got bigger bumps than I do!" have your minds' blown?" She called for rre to CCXIE over and stand in front of the group. ''You've ''You never had tits either!" all iret Noelle?" 'You got enough for both of us . '' ''Yeah. Hi, Noelle. But what's this got to do with it?" "Can I have sane?" Helene turned to rre. ''Noelle, take off your What I didn't want to happen, happened. panties.'' Helene ordered rre to unzip my skirt and step out of it. "Reroove it, Noelle, or you know what' 11 ''A bur lesk show? What is this?'' happen later." ''What 's going on?" ''Helene, what is this? I don't want to see your niece in the ra:..;r . What is .. . oh my God! " Helene repeated the order. With reluctance I slowly pulled off my pink panties and dropped ''What? Holy shit!" them to the floor, hoping she wasn't going to make - 46 47 "Jesus Christ!" 11 I 'Darm right . ''I don't believe it!'' ''It 'd be fun. Serve 'em r i ght . '' "It's a boy! She's a boy!" 'They 'WOuldn't be as pretty as Noelle. You ''She is no she!'' did a great job, Helene. '' They all broke out in amazement and laughter ''You trying t o make her into a lezzie?" asking Helene about rre all at once. She gaoe a ' brief account of how I had cane to be that way. ''Yeah. Hey Dee, does 'she' t urn you on?" ''Well, Jesus H. Christi" "He! That's a he! Look at that puny little cock.,,- ''Right on, Helene!" ''Couldn't fuck his way out of a paper bag. '' ''Way to go!" ''Maybe that's what he uses . Hey , Helene, ''What is he? Gay?" you give him a baggie?'' ''Naw. Gays don't like to do that. " "Guys like that are queer." "Is he a sex-change? I rrean, is he going ''You mean 'cause he's dressed up like a girl?" to have a sex change?" 'They ought to be castrated." ''Like that tennis bum?" ''Naw, they're harmless. They just run around "Bum-ette, now." stealing stuff off your clothesline.'' ''But Noelle is so beautiful! I 'd have "I think it's a parody of wananhood. They just never, ever guessed she was a boy! '' get their kicks out of making a travesty of what it is to be fernale. They're pathetic, and ought ''Yeah, Helene, Gee, it's incredible!" to be locked up. '' "I'll bet you have a lot of fun with him." ''No . The 're campy. '' ''You call him a him or a her?" 'They ought to have their balls cut off. '' "I'd like to do that w"'i.th sane guys in my ''No. Ignore them." office. Teach 'em a lesson." ''Yeah, they're hannless. They j ust play with -- p 48 49 with themselves in their closets." ''Yeah, pcx:>ey! Is that what it rreans to rape a guy? I don't know. I'm pretty dunb on these things. It sounds like making a guy r ape you. ''Thank God not !!!Y_ closets! '' He gets to stick it in, doesn't he?'' "He's cute though, in his little garter belt with stockings." ''Yeah, right, Who wants to have the thing stuck L-i her ? Ha! You probably couldn' t even feel "You want to fuck him?" i t' it IS SO small. II ''Hell no!" ''Well he couldn't keep it up anyway. I TIEall, how many of us could he fuck before his pcx:>r little ''Do whatever you want, '' Helene said. peter caved in and gave up the ghost? Yeah, I know Dee, you wouldn' t wcint him to care near you anyway. '' ''Well, nobody wants to go to bed with him, that's for sure.'' "I'd cut the fucking thing off with a rusty razor blade." ''We've seen everything there is to be seen, and it ain't much!" "God, you really hate men." ''Nobody is going to cut i t off, take it easy." "Yeah," sane surprise~ " "We could have him play with himself, see ''Nobody want to rape him?'' if he gets hard." "By sitting on his dick and wear~g it out? ''You've got hard on the mind. No, it would That sounds dunb. He doesn't deserve it anyway. feel too good for him. '' Helene, if I were you I'd never let him stick his dick into a VXJITlail again.'' ''Yeah, besides, if he came he might squirt sa:nething all over us . I wouldn't want to get "I'm not." anything on m:!. '' "There' s rrore than one way to rape a guy. " ''Me neither, Ugh!'' ''You mean make him eat you? No way. This ''Well, we could always rape him while singing pansy's not getting near rrr; box." a chorus of ''Macho Man' . '' ''Mine neither. Not with his cock or his They all laughed. rrouth." ''How 'bout his nose?'' ''Rape him? You mean make him lay on his back with his little dick sticking up in the air and then sit on it? Ugh!" They all laughed. 50 51 ''No, that 's not what I rreant. Hey Helene ... '' A wanan named Jo v.ihispered into Helene's ear, ''No, she' 11 go after your boyfriend! '' and the two of than disappeared into the bed roan wing. I stood there rrortified. When they ''Hey, ho;.v about my ex-husband'?" returned, Jo had a big grin on her face and was holding sOITEthing behind her back. Jo helped Dee attach the long hard rubber dildo to the belt, then tightened i t around ''Ta da ! '' She held out one of Helen's her hips. Dee positioned the device over her huge rubber dildoes. All the wanen broke out pelvic area. into peals of laughter, shrieking with delight, pounding their knees and rolling with mirth. "Show us ho;.v you beat off, Dee !" Helene held up a belt device. "And here's ''God , she looks like she was born with it! '' a strap you can use to wear it!'' M:>re shrieks of laughter. ''Maybe she wishes she was ! '' "Just like a guy!" ''Fuck you!'' ''Look at that thing!" ''You'll never get it back, Helene . Dee'll never take it off!" "Where'd you get that? King Kong?" ''Men of the ~r ld, watch out l ' ' ''No, my ex-husband!'' Dee approached me with an angry leer on "Is Burt Reynolds missing sarething?" her face. Helene held out a jar of Vaseline, but Dee pushed it away. It was only after Helene "Just like bronzed baby shoes!" insisted that Dee agreed to let her SIIEar sane of the stuff on the rubber cock. She pushed a Dee eat up and grabbed the belt fran dollop up my rear, too. This tough-looking Helene and began strapping it around her 'WOITlal1 terrified TIE. hips. "Give rre that thing! It's just what every eoddarmed bastard in the ~rld needs, All the \\UTieil gathered around and made and I'm going to give it to this one!" rre get dOYID on my hands and knees . They were laughing and eager to see what Dee ~ld do . "Ooohl Listen to the dyke!" She pressed it against my rear and gave a mighty thrust with her hips, but the dildo ''Jealous?'' just rarrmed against the crease of my buttocks and knocked me fm:ward onto the carpet. It was ''No. Just don't care after rre with that a painful blow and I gasped in agony. thing!'' ''That's it, Deel" ------ .53 52 ''Relax, bullshit! He ought to be scared out ''No. Take it easy." of his pant s. Oop! I forgot. He doesn 't wear pants!" "Get it started first!" "Just relax," Helene said. "If he doesn' t relax a little you'll never get that tiring in, Dee. ''No foreplay?" Just take it easy. Push gently. Once it's in you can ham:rer away , b t fir st you've got to get it 'Yeah, just like my lrusband. Ram it in started. '' and then roll over and go to sleep!'' 'Yeah, get it in, Dee." ''No, Dee, do the sensuous~ bit!" "Do it slowl y , Dee. Make it go in!" ''Fuck you!'' Dee pushed finnly and slowly. Under Helene 's ''No, Dee. You' re supposed to fuck him. '' coaching I relaxed as best I could and felt the huge head of the greased dildo slowly spread ''Put it in! C.ane on! I want to see this I'' Ile. ''Hold him!" 'That's it," Helene coached. ''Take it easy . Keep it up, but easy. An easy, gentle, steady ''He won't go anyplace.'' pressure. Don't force it. Slow and steady. A little roore. That's the wey." ''He does and we'll beat the shit out of him." The dildo spread ne farther and went in. After the head had cleared my tight muscle, it "After Dee ge t s don e h e won ' t b e __able to go glided in quickly the rest of t he way to the anyplace!'' base attached to the belt around Dee. 'Yeah, Dee, remeni:>er all those guys that ''.Jhoopee ! '' stuck their pricks in you! '' 'Yea!" 'Yeah. Make up for it, Dee." ''Ha, ha I Success I" ''Fuck the living shit out of him!" ''Way to go, Deel" I felt the head of the dildo against my rear again. Dee pushed slowly and finnly. ''Right on!'' Helene came around and knelt in front of me. ''Wait a minute, go easy! I'll tell you how to ''Hal How's it feel, Dee?" do it! Relax, Noelle." 'Yeah. Is he nice and tig• h t, Dee ?. II 54 SS ''Is he a virgin?'' incredible searing, twistL."'1.g, r amning pain I "I don ' t see any 'o 1 ood." thought I would faint. My insides were bruised and torn. She t hrust fast er ai1d f aster. ''Darn it! So hard to find a virgin these days. '' ''Go, Dee!'' ''Yea , Dee !" ''You can do it, Dee !" Dee slowly pulled back. "Sock it to him, girl!" ''Easy, Dee. Don't loose it!'' ''Fuck him!'' ''Not so far, Dee. Easy!'' ''Faster, Dee !'' SI:e pushed it forward again. I thought I ''Fuck him!'' was going to die. They started up a chant "Fuck him! " , and "Go > Dee! Fuck him! II were soon clapping their hands and chanting in rhythm to the thrusts of the dildo as i t ''In, Dee!'' drove in and out of me like a hot piston. ''Atta gir1 ! '' ''Fuck him! Fuck him! Fuck him! '' "Make him feel it!" I felt I was being cor ed like an apple. My face contorted with the searing pain. , On~ of the ~ bent down and yelled at Ill2. ~ of all the tilll2s you stuck your filthy ''Fuck him! Fuck him! Fuck him! '' ~~~ ;-;n sare poor girl! Now you're getting it 1 Dee started getting very savage with her thrusts, pulling back quickly and thei1 slarrrn:ing ''Yeah, how's it feel, pansy?" forward as fast as she could. I felt the head of the dildo smash against my internal organs. ''You like it, man?" It felt like it was up in my stamch, my throat. "Like the way it feels, bit man? Big shit!" She drove in with a tearing, ripping savage stroke and then stopped, exhausted. I f elt her ''Fuck him , Dee. I II put her hands on my back t o steady her self. She did, faster and faster. I felt such There was a great burst of applause , laughter and cheers fran the~ . As i t • .57 56 quieted down , Dee unbuckled the belt from around ''Fuck you!'' her hips and pulled out of it, leaving the hard dildo in me up to the hilt. ''You wouldn't knON what to do if you sCM a cock like that." ''Whew! II ''I'd faint.'' ''Way to go, Dee!'' "I'd run!" ''Right on!'' ''How'd it feel to have a hard-on, Dee?" Dee got up and stepped ar01.md in front of me. She nudged my face with her shoe. The others ''You going to have a vasectany now? You fell silent. know, Dee, ZPG! '' "Look at me , creep!" They all laughed and talked, ignoring me. I looked up to see her towering over me. ''Hey, Helene, you going to keep that thing in him?" ''Say thank you! '' I 'Wouldn I t lrurt . I I I obeyed. "Better ask him." There was another loud burst of applause and cheering. Howling with laughter the \vcmen IIDved ''Better him than me! '' back to the sofas and sat down, leaving me knee ling on all fours with the dildo still rarrmed ''Serve him right I'' in. I couldn't IIDve. "Look at him. He can't even rwvel" Dee sat down in el ation. ''Whew! That's tiring!'' ''You couldn't either if you had that thing in you!" ''How 'd it feel, Dee?" ''I'd never have that thing near me I'' ''Now you know, Dee. '' ''You probably have one at bane, under your ''Way to go ." pillav. II ''Hey, Dee. How long before you're hard ''F\.Jck you!'' again? I'm waiting!" ''No, fuck yourself I '' • 58 59 - ''He looks kind of cute with that thing shoved "Well, sanebody .fuck him again. Cane on!" up his ass. " ''Not me. I ~uldn' t touch that thing. '' ''Yeah, we ought to start a service. FUcking rral. Shove a dildo up all their asses." ''Don't look at me. I only fuck real rral." "Door-to-door service." 11 I 'Then try Dee. ''Dee might get tired. " ''Fuck you.'' ''Never!'' '~yours!'' I 'She could fuck I en all! I I ''Sanebody fuck him agai..'1. '' ''I get the good looking ones I '' ''No, pull it out and make him lick it." ''You can have 'en.'' ''Yeal:I" Jo cam= over to me. She reached down and ''Ugh! II picked up the ends of the belt that held the dildo. "Should I pull it out?" ''Serve him right. '' ''Leave it in! II I 'He might like it , I I ''Yank it out!" I 'Cocksucking? I I ''Fuck him again! Your turn, Jo I '' "Is he a good pussy eater, Helene?" "Any00dy want to fuck him again?" ''Yeah. Tell us. Is he good?" My fingers clawed the carpet. 'Try him yourself.'' "C'A:Ire on, Jo, Do it I" ''Yeah, go on." ''No , sanebody else. '' ''No fucking way. All gays like to eat pussy and there's no way I'm going to give the ''Not me, II bastards the pleasure." 11 C'A:Ire on. Scm=body fuck him, II ''Furmy, I thought it's the. vianan who. gets ? the pleasure, or have I been domg sanething wrong. 11 I 'Soov2body did, I I - 61 60 "It's fun." Chapter 10 "If they do it right." "At least guys know what a clit is nowadays." ''Here, here!'' During the Christmas season we attended a lot of parties and gala soci al affairs. I had "So what about what's-his-n.arre there? Do we become so well accepted by Helene's society crc:Md pull his dildo out?" ---they didn't have any suspicions about my true condition---that whenever they invited her any ''Leave it in. Forever!" place, they invariably extended the invitations to include her "darling niece, Noelle". I was ''No, pull it out real fast!" becoming sa!EWhat popular, people loved my n.arre during this tine of the year, and I frequently ''You might pull his guts out at the Sam2 got calls fran young men asking IIE out. Helene tirrE. Make an awful IIEs s on your carpet, Helene. '' made IIE decline these dates, though, and my social life continued to revolve around her. "So what? He's supposed to be the maid, right? Make him clean it up." Helene took a photograph of me posing under the large decorated Christmas tree we'd set up "Go ahead, Jo. Give it a .yank!" in the living roan. I was wearing only a pink garterbelt, wispy panties and bra, pale stockings She pulled gently on the belt and the dildo and gold high heel shoes. My hands were tied rroved out a little. together in front with a big red bow. Helene loved it. ''Do it, Jo!" On Christmas day Helene surprised me with The dildo slid out a little rrore. Jo turned a magnificent full-length Blackglama mink coat. to the group. "Well?" It was so beautiful and deliciously luxurious I didn't take it off the whole day . ''Do it, Jo!" That afternoon we went outside and had fun She took a deep breath and with one powerful building an obscene snowrnan. pull tore the big dildo out of rre. In January Helene announced we'd be spending I jolted up in agony , then fell over and a week in New York. There were going to be fashion fainted. exhibitions and a convention of boutique owners. With her financial interests in several operations ''Humph! So rrn..ICh for men,'' was the last thing she wanted to spend tirrE with sane of the people I heard. - 62 - 63 in the industry. She canplim:mted me on my dazzling new lavender We checked into a large suite at the St. gown from Halston, and said I was the prettiest Regis and began the exhausting rotmds of showings, ymmg wanan in the restaurant. dinners and trade shows. I was introduced every where as Helene's niece and was treated royally. She and Helene chatted about friends, gossip Helene evidently carried a lot of clout behind and the latest "in" places to be seen. The the scenes, because everywhere we went she was blonde girl sat across the table in silence with beseiged with people trying to sell her on a new a bored, spoiled look on her face. product line or plans for a mew business venture. I tried to act as nonnal and sociable as I One evening we dined at La Grenouille, a could, but I couldn't get over the way Inan acted posh celebrity-filled restaurant Helene called towards me. She pressed against m= with her tall 'The Frog Pond' . I was looking arotmd the roan, wannth, smiling, nodding, and leaning close mesmerized by seeing all the farrous people, when to me as if we were old friends. two girls cam= up to the table and started talking with Helene. One was a thin, pale blonde After a tlire chatting and laughine, In.an with long straight hair. The other was a very suggested we all go out nightclubbing and do tall, beautiful black girl with high sharp cheek the town. The sullen blonde spoke up. bones and a closely cropped skull of little ringlets. I stared at her in ama.zenent---it was ''PM, Inny, '' she whined in a sour voice. ''I'm Inan, the black m:>del who used to work for Mara tired. Let's go hare, huh?" in Philadelphia. MaIDries and sharp pangs sped through me: the workroans of Mara's dress busi In.an gave her a look of daggers. 'This ness, the burgtmdy gown, Inan's gold panties, is my dunb little roa:nie, Alice. She's loads Mara. It all flooded back in a torrent. · of fun, as you can see.'' "Inan, this is my niece, Noelle." Helene The blonde looked back and stuck out her introduced m= as if there was · nothing at all tongue like a six year old. peculiar at meeting Inan again. She evidently had no intention of revealing my true identity, "Go hare, Alice," Inan told her. ''You're and I was too stunned to do anything but nod getting to be a real drag. '' politely. After the skinny blonde left, Inan explained Inan took my hand in her long brown fingers they'd been living toget her for a few m:mths, and held it wannly. ''Helene darling, where do but she was getting fed up with her childi shness, you ever get such lovely creatures?" She studied and was about to kick her out. When In.an went me closely with her big eyes, then sat beside to powder her nose, · Helen~ told me Alice was Inan' s m= on the banquette, m:w.ing close against me. lover. p - 65 - 64 around me. "Not used to all this nightlife. There, there. We ' 11 get you bac to the hot el." The three of: us made the wild, raucous rounds of Studio 54, Regine's and other glittering I sat dumbfounded and mesmeri zed while watering hJles. At several of the discos Inan pulled Mara introduced her fiance, a Wall Street me to my feet anddancecl seductively with me, her broker. She'd care to New York after all, and sleek body gyrating and puls:ing to the music. had made a success in the gannent center along S:ince leaving Philadelphia she'd becare sarewhat side the big names in fashion. Helene had backed of a celebrity :in New York nightlife circles, her and knew about it all the way, and had and everywhere she went people greeted her and never said a word to me! I turned to her, shouted hellos. but she just patted my hand like a small child. Early that rrvming we were still up, Through the tears that were welling up hav:ing a late supper, or early breakfast, at in my eyes I SEN/ ho;11 lovely Mara was. Success a restaurant on Central Park South. We let the had ennobled her. She ' d blossared into a confi excitement of: the evening slow'ly dra:in away. dent, self -assured young wanan. It was obvious We were all dead on our aching feet, half-asleep frcm her glow, her smiling eyes, the happiness and slightly drunk, giggling and laughing like she radiated, that she was in love. schoolgirls. Inan was fun to be around, full of outrageous stories and bawdy COl1ln2Ilts I looked at her fiance . He looked prosper on the farrous people she knew. ous and worldly in his three piece sui. t , a handsane, tall, masculine. successful man. A couple passed through the restaurant It might have been me, I thought . The young man on their way out and cc::rre over to our table. looked at me and asked if I felt all right. I The man, in his thirties, was tall and tarmed, could only stare back while my heart wrenched well-dressed :in a three piece suit. He was with arotion. very handsorre, 'What Inan called a ''htmk". The wanan was shorter, very slender and---Mara! I don't know exactly 'What happened next. Mara and her young man left. I vividly remember I was stunned! the sight of them , a cha..""lTling, attractive couple, leavil1g the restaurant. They looked Mara, whcm I 'd once loved and wanted like they had all the happiness in the world dearly, was standing :in front of the table ahead 0f them. chatting amiably with Helene and Inan. I was :introduced again as Helene's niece, and All else is kind of a blur. I remernber Mara extended her hand to me. I reached being inside a taxicab, sitting between Helene forward and felt her fingers---that old and Inan, sobbing like a child. I think my head touch! All the rreroories of her, and my past, was in Inan' s lap , and she was stroking my flooded back. I felt I was begirming to cry. face with her cool fingers. ''Don' t mind her'', Helene said. ''She' s a At the hotel suite.I was put to bed. I little bombed. Aren't you dear?" She put her ann -66 -67 have a merrory of Helene talking to Inan about the confines of my own small roan. rre, and Inan's voice exclaiming, "Really? You're kidding!" I continually thought about 1'1a:ra and her fiance, and the way my life had been forcibly When I woke up the next tmrning Inan was steered away fran that kind of nonnal fulfill sharing a roan service breakfast with Helene. IIETit. She nust have spent the night. Helene worked out sCJ!Te sor~ of arrangement Later that day we went back to Philadelphia. whereby she helped Inari. wlth the cost of keeping rre. I was given a small allowance of pock.et m:mey. When Helene visits New York, she often stays overnight in the apartment. I have to service Inan becarIE a frequent house guest. It them both, then I'm sent t o my r oom . Tirrough was obvious that Helene had confided in her the closed door, I can hear giggles and rroans about rre and Inan was plainly delighted. late into the night. There were days, and nights, when I was ordered to be Inan' s ''personal maid'', and she took I was at Inan's nearly a IIDnth Twhen they great pleasure in forcing rre to masturbate in both began to notice my depression and despon front of her, give her body tongue baths, and dancy. In an effort to bring rre out of it, perfonn orally with her for hours at a time. they sent rre to an analyst, Dr. Garrett, who didn't seem shocked at all about my strange M::>st nights Inan slept with Helene in way of life. He couldn't f igure out how it all the big bedroan. started though, and I felt a little i...'lhibited talking about it in his office. On one of her weekend visits,she annmmced that she'd kicked out her roarmate Alice. He suggested I write down all that has Tirrough the weekend Helene huddled with her, then happened, which is what this journal is. annotmced she was sending rre to New York to be Inan's personal sex slave and maid. It's been two m:mths since I first saw Inan said the idea was ''kinky, campy, tres Dr. Garrett. He tmderstands my story better chic''. now, and he wants me to continue writing this as a kind of diary. I tmved into Inan's large high-rise apart IIETit on Manhattan's upper east side. My duties I can talk IIDre easily with him now, and were similar to those at Helene's: cooking, he feels that a sex-change operation may cleaning, and keeping Inan satisfied with oral be the answer for rre. He says there ' s no way sex. She was a lot less demanding than Helene, I can ever go back to living as a nonnal male, but also a lot less caring. Often she had g~rl and it would be psychologically damaging ·-o friends over for the night and r·am relegated to try. The f Ema.le IIETitality Helene r.m drilled -68 ,j.nto rre, he says, is too ingrained and too nuch a part of rre . Helene carte up fran Philadelphia and dis cussed the idea of a sex-change operation. She was angrily against it, and cut off all m:mey for my visits to Dr. Garrett. Inan won't help either, so I'm in a sort of limbo between fanaleness and maleness, and Helene and Inan are detennined to keep rre that way. May. Helene got a letter fran Sir Reginald Lipton in England, asking to let her "darling niece, Noelle" cane and spend the surrner at his estate in Hertsfordshire. He made a lot of insinuations about continuing my ''English education''. She agreed and Sir Reggie booked rre passage on the Queen Elizabeth ~- I sail on the ~E2 tarorrow. Sir Reggie booked rre a first c ass stateroan. Helene gave rre a set of expensive luggage as a bon voyage present. Inan says there's saneone new living with her, a young boy. 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