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Understanding Power, Gender, and Sexuality in Non-Traditional Sexual Relationships Teresa Anne Roach

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Understanding Power, Gender, and Sexuality in Non-Traditional Sexual Relationships Teresa Anne Roach Florida State University Libraries Electronic Theses, Treatises and Dissertations The Graduate School 2015 Gender and Power in Relationships: Understanding Power, Gender, and Sexuality in Non-Traditional Sexual Relationships Teresa Anne Roach Follow this and additional works at the FSU Digital Library. For more information, please contact [email protected] FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY COLLEGE OF SOCIAL SCIENCES AND PUBLIC POLICY GENDER AND POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS: UNDERSTANDING POWER, GENDER, AND SEXUALITY IN NON-TRADITIONAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS By TERESA ANNE ROACH A Dissertation submitted to the Department of Sociology in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Degree Awarded: Spring Semester, 2015 Teresa Roach defended this dissertation on April 3, 2015. The members of the supervisory committee were: Koji Ueno Professor Directing Dissertation Felecia Jordan Jackson University Representative Deana Rohlinger Committee Member Doug Schrock Committee Member The Graduate School has verified and approved the above-named committee members, and certifies that the dissertation has been approved in accordance with university requirements. ii For my family and friends iii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS There are a number of people who deserve acknowledgement for making this dissertation possible. I would first like to thank my advisor and mentor, Koji Ueno who is the chair of my dissertation committee. From my first encounter with Koji in his Sociology of Sexuality course he has guided me through all aspects of graduate school life. He has worked tirelessly as a mentor and advisor and has proven to be a most enthusiastic and gifted mentor and teacher. Koji, helped me brainstorm ideas, guided me through outlining dissertation chapters, and was there to offer advice and support on all facets of this challenging and often lonely process. Without Koji as an advisor I have no doubt that this dissertation would still be on the drawing board nor do I have any doubt that I would not have made it through graduate school without his support. I would be remiss to not to acknowledge my committee members Deana Rohlinger and Doug Schrock. It was in Deana’s grant writing course that I first developed the idea to possibly study consensual non-monogamy and she encouraged my thought process and has kept me focused throughout this entire project. I am grateful for Doug Schrock’s qualitative methods expertise as well as the informal chats that we often had about data analysis, writing, and coding. Without Deana and Doug’s support this dissertation would have suffered and I am extremely grateful to them. My outside member is deserving of thanks as well. I thank Felecia Jordan Jackson for coming aboard and offering valuable feedback on methods and data analysis. There are people outside of FSU that were important to my success as a graduate student. Many thanks goes to my undergraduate sociology professors Gerald Platt and Jill McCorkel who were instrumental and instilling my sociological imagination when I was a young sociologist at UMass-Amherst. I thank my first graduate school mentor, Stephanie Hartwell, for encouraging iv me to apply to PhD programs. I am grateful that she continues to be a mentor even though we are states a part. Without the support of my family this dissertation would not be possible. I thank my parents, Bill and Helen, and my brother, Tom, for constantly encouraging me all the way from Massachusetts. I know you were cheering me on the whole time! I also owe much to Melissa Bamford, Lauren Sheehy, Sara Dixon, David Organes, and Chris Adkins who supported, encouraged and most importantly listened when I needed it the most. I cannot thank Kate Lechler, my editor, enough. Kate took time out of her busy life to help me craft well formed and stylistic sentences. Thanks Katers! I thank Forrest Lee, my partner and biggest supporter, for taking the time to calm me down and bring me up when I needed it. Finally, my extended family in the Sociology department and Tallahassee, I thank you all so much. I am lucky to have such a wonderful family and group of friends in my life. Finally, I would like to say thanks to all of the women and men who opened their homes to me, shared pieces of their lives, their experiences, and finally their time for this research. I only hope this dissertation does their stories justice. v TABLE OF CONTENTS Abstract ......................................................................................................................................... vii CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ..............................................................................................1 CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW ..................................................................................4 CHAPTER THREE: SETTING AND METHODS .......................................................................21 CHAPTER FOUR: DISCOVERING AND TRANSITIONING INTO POLYAMORY .............26 CHAPTER FIVE: NARRATIVES OF SELF-CHANGE IN POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS .........................................................................................................................55 CHAPTER SIX: MAINTAINING POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS .................................75 CHAPTER SEVEN: CONCLUSIONS .......................................................................................106 APPENDICES .............................................................................................................................117 A. SAMPLE CHARACTERISTICS ...........................................................................................117 B. RELATIONSHIP ARRANGEMENT OF SAMPLE ..............................................................118 C. INTERVIEW GUIDE .............................................................................................................119 D. FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSTIY IRB APPROVAL MATERIALS ...................................121 References ....................................................................................................................................127 Biographical Sketch .....................................................................................................................137 vi ABSTRACT Polyamorous relationships are a type of ethical non-monogamous relationship where individuals have multiple romantic, sexual, and/or emotional partners. Focusing on monogamous relationships, past studies have demonstrated that men exercise greater power in sexual relationships, but little is known about whether gender inequality applies to polyamorous relationships. The availability of multiple sexual partners may increase an overall level of freedom and autonomy among participants, which may contribute to greater gender equality in these relationships. However, it is possible that gender inequality persists in unique ways within polyamorous relationships. Data for this dissertation comes from interviews with 22 men and women who are currently practicing polyamory or have been involved in a polyamorous relationship before. Polyamorous individuals reject the societal norm of monogamy, and they claim that their relationships are more egalitarian than monogamous relationships. Additionally, polyamorous women claim that polyamorous relationships improve opportunities for autonomy and polyamorous men claim that polyamorous relationships open up new communication avenues with partners. Finally, polyamorous individuals develop new ways to maintain these relationships regarding the practical, social, and sexual aspects of their relationships. This suggests that polyamorous relationships may be transformative for these individuals as they provide a new relationship model apart from their previous monogamous relationships. vii CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION Inequality in intimate relationships can be defined as one partner’s privilege over the other. A majority of the existing literature on relationship inequality focuses on heterosexual relationships or more specifically heterosexual marriage. Much of the literature on relationship inequality uses gender inequality perspectives, which generally propose that gender inequality is sustained through processes that continue to afford men more opportunities for power than women (Ridgeway 2011). These processes operate in various aspects of heterosexual relationships including emotion work (Hochschild 1989), responsibility for childcare (Crawford and Unger 2000), sexual compliance and initiation (Impett and Peplau 2003; Sanchez, Fetterolf, and Rudman 2012), and violence (Davies, Ford-Gilboe, and Hammerton 2009; Kurz 1996). These scholars have explained that gender inequality partly results from gendered expectations of behavior within the heterosexual relationship. Although past studies in this literature have focused on heterosexual marriage, inequality can exist in cohabiting heterosexual relationships and same-sex relationships. Same-sex relationships show some level of inequality between partners in dimensions similar to traditional heterosexual relationships (e.g. division of labor) although homosexual relationships overall tend to be more egalitarian than heterosexual relationships (Peplau and Spalding 2000; Solomon, Rothblum, and Balsam 2005). Similarly, cohabitating relationships tend to mirror the findings regarding gender inequality in heterosexual marriage, with women having less power than men in decision making (Sassler and Miller 2011), and women performing more of the household work than cohabitating men (Ciabattari 2004; Gupta
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