Jesus' Secret to Prayer

Prayer time between a father and daughter is precious. By writing about prayer from their individual perspectives, Mark Driscoll and Ashley Chase have given us a unique look at how Jesus prayed and what it means for His followers today. —Jimmy Evans Founder and CEO, MarriageToday

Prayer is one of the most crucial elements to us, as children of God, walking in an intimate relationship with our heavenly Father. And Jesus is our ultimate example of what real prayer looks like and how it brings us closer to the Father. That’s why I’m so excited about Pray Like Jesus, a new book written by my good friend Mark Driscoll and his daughter Ashley Chase. Coming from different upbringings, they each offer their own unique perspective on prayer and how it’s a simple, yet powerful, way to talk and connect with God. —Robert Morris Senior Pastor, Gateway Church Best-Selling Author, The Blessed Life, Beyond Blessed, and Take the Day Off

Here’s a book that actually explores prayer theologically and practically, a rare find indeed. And it does so in a way that will benefit anyone from the novice to the prayer warrior. Using the analogy of a godly relationship between a father and child, Mark and Ashley set the context of prayer. And then, using the prayers of Jesus, they reveal the practice and patterns of prayer that make praying like Jesus a reality instead of an unobtainable aspiration. This is a book that needs to be on your bookshelf or tablet. —Larry Osborne Author and Pastor, North Coast Church Pray Like Jesus is a book about how to have a meaningful prayer life, written by Pastor Mark Driscoll and his oldest daughter, Ashley. Pastor Mark and his daughter use their relationship as a model for how easy and uncomplicated our relationship with our heavenly Father can be. If prayer is an area you’d like to grow in, pick up this practical, relational, and life-changing teaching about the ways that Jesus prayed and how to get to know God as our Father. —Craig Groeschel Pastor, Life.Church New York Times Best-Selling Author

Foundational. Encouraging. Helpful. Mark and his daughter Ashley’s relevant perspective reminds us that our identity as children of God isn’t achieved—it’s received. It’s a gift from our perfect heavenly Father, who desires to be in relationship with us. Pray Like Jesus challenges us to reframe our perception of prayer by providing connections and context of Jesus praying throughout the story of God. This message will help you posture your heart toward prayer and reclaim your identity as a fully loved child of God. —Louie Giglio Pastor, Passion City Church Founder, Passion Conferences

The lovely combination of a father and daughter writing a book together has resulted in one of the sweetest, soundest, and yet simplest books you will ever read. The benefit is not only edifying reading but a sense of the presence of Jesus. What a testimony in our day of broken relationships that a father and daughter could produce such a book! —Dr. R. T. Kendall R. T. Kendall Ministries I’ve been privileged to serve as a lead pastor for over three decades, but my greatest joy in life has been in being a husband to Judith, father to three sons, and now granddad to two tiny humans. Every other accomplishment in life and ministry pales in comparison. Therefore, I picked up Pray Like Jesus with a lot of interest. The beauty of this book rests not only in the revelation of God expressed by the authors but in their relationship with each other. Mark and Ashley use engaging stories interspersed with powerful truths from Scripture to reshape how we view prayer. You may think enough has been written about prayer, but Mark’s and Ashley’s unique perspectives on the topic and the engaging nature of this book make it more than worth a read. —Terry Crist Lead Pastor, Hillsong Phoenix

God is a good Father. Understanding this truth is liberating. Applying this truth in prayer is utterly life changing. Mark Driscoll and his oldest daughter, Ashley, lead us to see God the Father from the most reliable guide: Jesus. When we pray as Jesus prayed, life opens up and deep wounds are healed. Pray Like Jesus will take your prayer life to a completely new season of power and freedom. —Brandon Thomas Founding and Senior Pastor, Keystone Church

Mark Driscoll is a huge gift to the church with a ministry that has touched the lives of millions, and I am thrilled to see that legacy expand through this book, written with his daughter Ashley. Pray Like Jesus is both insightful and practical in ways that will help you build a stronger, more vibrant prayer life. You won’t want just one copy; you’ll want to grab extra copies so that you can get them in the hands of everyone you know! —John Lindell Lead Pastor, James River Church It was a defining moment for us as parents. We were standing in my kitchen with Team Driscoll, circled in prayer, dedi- cating our new home to the Lord. Mark simply said, “Let’s bless this home, kids.” We bowed our heads. No awkward silence. No pulling teeth. One by one his kids jumped in with heartfelt, personal prayers over me and my family. I was deeply moved and resolved then and there to teach my young kids how to pray like that. This book is a biblical and practical overflow from a family that knows how to pray. —Pastor Josh and Sharon McPherson Grace City Church

I’ve never met a Christian who didn’t struggle with prayer. We tend to wonder, “Am I doing it right? Am I praying often enough? Does God really care?” Even when you know the theological answers, it’s hard to accept the practical implica- tions. Pray Like Jesus is exactly what we need. It offers straight- forward answers to our complex inner struggles. Pastor Mark and Ashley bring beautiful perspective and insight to this common area of angst. Prayer doesn’t have to be hard. Just do it like Jesus! I wholeheartedly recommend this book! —Ryan Visconti Lead Pastor, Generation Church

“Prayer is not something you have to do. Prayer is something you get to do.” That is one of my favorite quotes from the Mark Driscoll and Ashley Chase book, Pray Like Jesus. It is an inspiring privilege to listen in on a father and his daughter discussing how to talk with the Father. The section on father wounds and how those hurts diminish our prayers was especially enlightening. Plus, the book offers solutions. This is a must-read not only for fathers but also for anyone who wants to take their prayer life to the next level. It is simple and brilliant. —J. D. Pearring Director, Excel Leadership Network Perhaps the greatest question among Christians today is “Why aren’t my prayers being answered?” Mark Driscoll and Ashley Chase provide great assurance in this new book, helping the believer understand and recognize God’s move- ment through prayer, and then trust His will as a result. The section detailing the “Who, What, How, When, and Where of Prayer” is especially helpful in building our relationship with the Spirit. Prayer is more than simply asking God for stuff; it is about trust and obedience. Mark and Ashley have given us a great picture of this direction! —Dallas Bivins Professor of Ministry Leadership and Director, Gateway Seminary, Arizona

My immediate response to Pray Like Jesus was delight to see a father-daughter book on prayer. My delight grew as I read the stories of their relationship and their very different lives as a backdrop for their book. It is both an expositional and a devotional book. The insights into the prayer life of Jesus and us as His followers are profoundly transforming. As you read and follow their lead, your prayer life will grow in likeness to that of Jesus. —Gerry Breshears, PhD Professor of Theology, Western Seminary, Portland

Like healthy eating or exercise, prayer is one of those things we know we are supposed to do, but somehow we never seem to get around to it. What if we learned to see prayer differently? In their book Mark and his daughter Ashley remind us that prayer doesn’t have to be just another obli- gation. It can be full of joy as we learn to talk to our Father, who loves us. —Greg Surratt Founding Pastor, Seacoast Church While many books on prayer look to Christ’s example, Pray Like Jesus spotlights the relationship between our heavenly Father and His only Son. Mark Driscoll and his daughter Ashley Chase draw on their individual experiences as well as their roles as parent and child with compelling results. Their book will inspire you not only to pray more often but also to still your heart and listen for God’s voice. —Chris Hodges Senior Pastor, Church of the Highlands Author, The Daniel Dilemma and Out of the Cave

This father-and-daughter duo, Mark and Ashley, have written a guide to prayer that flows out of the closeness of their own relationship. It’s a fresh and accessible word about God’s children talking with their Father. It’s practical, meaningful, and heartfelt. Don’t miss out on their inspiring message. —Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott #1 New York Times Best-Selling Authors, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Prayer is the key to knowing God as our Father, our friend, our protector, and our provider. In a time when many people are living in fear, Mark and Ashley’s book illustrates how we can live by faith. They show us how to build a relationship with God through prayer that allows us to overcome adver- sity and to triumph in life. I know they live this life personally. I’ve known the Driscoll family for years, and I love the way they work together to increase the impact of the kingdom of God on earth. They have built a wonderful church in Arizona and work tirelessly to share the good news of Jesus Christ. I’m thankful to know their family and see the fruitfulness of their lives. I recommend that you learn to pray like Jesus so you can follow in their footsteps of faith. —Mark Buckley Founding Pastor, Living Streams Church What a blessing to see the power of the father-and-daughter team on such a life-changing topic—prayer! Teaching our kids to be prayer driven moves them to the next level of seeing and experiencing God’s goodness in their lives. Read and apply and witness the transformation in our sons and daughters. —Dr. Gregory L. Jantz Founder, The Center—A Place of Hope

Prayer is what connects our heavenly Father’s heart with our own, and while most Christians recognize they should pray, the practicals of how, what, where, and when can make a seemingly simple practice feel complicated and overwhelming. In Pray Like Jesus, Pastor Mark and his daughter Ashley show us a biblically based approach to prayer, presented through the beautiful lens of their own father-daughter relationship. Prayer is meant to connect us to the heart of the Father, and Pray Like Jesus will help show you the way. —Jimmy Witcher Senior Pastor, Trinity Fellowship Church

All too often we can take the idea of prayer and make it really complicated. In this unique book we see how our perception of God is often shaped by our view of human dads. Leveraging the dynamic of father and daughter, Mark and Ashley provide timeless wisdom that helps us connect with God and with one another. Along the way, they illustrate what a blessing it is to have a direct line of communication with our heavenly Father no matter what our relationship may look like with our earthly one. I’ve known Mark for years, and everything he writes is really good. So it doesn’t come as a surprise that Ashley is an amazing author as well. —Bil Cornelius Lead Pastor, Church Unlimited I’ve had the privilege of befriending Pastor Mark and seeing his family up close. He is an even better father than theologian. Pray Like Jesus combines the truth of Scripture with the tenderness of family. His oldest daughter coauthored the book, adding authenticity about praying to a Father of unfailing love. This book is a rare gift, showing with practical clarity how to approach the Father through the model of His Son, Jesus. —Mark Moore Teaching Pastor, Christ’s Church of the Valley

Pastor Mark Driscoll writes a very moving, personal, and practical book that will inspire us to consistently pray. We learn that we can approach the Father with the assurance that He loves us and enjoys fellowshipping with us the way He did with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. —Bishop Joseph Mattera Mattera Ministries International

Sadly most Christians have put prayer in the cupboard, bringing it out on special occasions such as family gather- ings or when life moves into crisis. Mark Driscoll and Ashley Chase fantastically open the cupboard, dust off prayer, and help us discover a forgotten treasure that will become the centerpiece of our lives! —Linn Winters Lead Pastor, Cornerstone Church

I have truly enjoyed reading Pray Like Jesus. As a pastor I have read dozens of books on prayer, and so many times you come away with a sense of your failure and shortcoming in this area of your life, but not with this book. I love the relational aspect that it emphasizes about our commu- nion with our Father God. The teaching is solid and in no way condemning but saturated with the grace of God. The book gives insight into the prayers of Jesus, building a solid foundation for a life of prayer. Mark and Ashley do a great job of intertwining their relational aspect with our relationship with God our Father. A true life-giving book on prayer. —Chris Richards Senior Pastor, Vino Nuevo El Paso BY MARK DRISCOLL AND HIS DAUGHTER ASHLEY CHASE Most Charisma House Book Group products are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchase for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising, and educational needs. For details, call us at (407) 333- 0600 or visit our website at www.charismahouse.com. Pray Like Jesus by Mark Driscoll and Ashley Chase Published by Charisma House Charisma Media/Charisma House Book Group 600 Rinehart Road, Lake Mary, Florida 32746 This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means— electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked cev are from the Contemporary English Version, copyright © 1995 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked ncv are taken from the New Century Version®. Copyright © 2005 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked niv are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.® Scripture quotations marked nkjv are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked nlt are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2021 by Mark Driscoll and Ashley Chase All rights reserved Visit the author’s website at realfaith.com, www.driscollbooks.com. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data: An application to register this book for cataloging has been submitted to the Library of Congress. International Standard Book Number: 978-1-62999-926-5 E-book ISBN: 978-1-62999-927-2 While the author has made every effort to provide accurate internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content. 21 22 23 24 25 — 987654321 Printed in the United States of America CONTENTS

Preface...... xvii

1 Jesus’ Secret to Prayer ...... 1

2 Why We Miss Jesus’ Secret to Prayer...... 13

3 Pray Like Jesus...... 39

4 Jesus’ Who, What, How, When, and Where of Prayer ...... 59

5 The Lord’s Prayer ...... 85

6 The Lord’s Gethsemane Prayer ...... 115

7 Pray for Yourself: The Lord’s High Priestly Prayer, Part 1...... 141

8 Pray for Christians: The Lord’s High Priestly Prayer, Part 2...... 163

9 Pray for Non-Christians: The Lord’s High Priestly Prayer, Part 3...... 189

Notes ...... 209 PREFACE

his book is written by a dad and his oldest daughter about how prayer is the way God’s children talk to their Dad. These unique perspectives come together to share Tlife-changing teaching about the ways that Jesus prayed and how they help us get to know God as our Father. As you read, you may find that you relate more to personal stories shared by Ashley—you grew up in an evangelical family and church, praying and learning the Bible from a young age. Or you may find that you relate more to Mark’s stories—you did not grow up in an evangelical church and family praying and reading the Bible and met God sometime after childhood. Before I (Mark) became a dad, I spent most of my life as a non-Christian. As a child, my Catholic parents took me to church and sent me to Catholic school for a few years, where I also assisted the priest with mass as an altar boy. I learned some ancient prayers from saints and memorized a few basic church creeds. I knew little about a personal relationship with God, how to hear from Him through the Spirit and Scripture, or speak to Him in prayer and worship. This lack of knowledge was not the fault of the church or its leaders. I just did not have much interest in spiritual things. For me, everything changed as a freshman in college when I met Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Suddenly the Holy Spirit gave me an intense desire to live a new life and learn God’s Word. While I grew quickly in my faith, the one thing I struggled with was prayer. I did not know much about prayer,

xvii Pray Like Jesus

and I felt guilty for not being as devoted to prayer as the Bible studies and church services I attended were teaching me to be. Philosophically I wondered why God needed me to ramble on in prayer if He already knew everything and had a plan for everyone. Emotionally, if I’m honest, it just kind of felt a bit odd to talk to God, kind of like the strange kid I grew up with who kept enthusiastically telling us about his invisible friend. During college I married my high school sweetheart, but my prayer life was nowhere as consistent or committed as that of my new wife. Grace was a pastor’s daughter, and she talked about prayer the same way a hyped-up winning coach talks during a postgame interview. For me, prayer was a bit like eating your vegetables—something you don’t enjoy much but you do it because the experts say it’s good for you. Then something utterly changed me and my prayer life: in our mid-twenties, Grace and I had Ashley, our first of five children. When Ashley was born, my first thought was how happy I was. My second thought was how utterly uncertain I was about how exactly to raise a girl. I had been sure we were having a son, so my parenting plans for wrestling a lot and going to the dump to toss stuff out of my old Chevy truck were going to need some revision. Thankfully Ashley grew up knowing the Lord as early as I can remember. The first time she read through the ESV Study Bible and notes by herself, she was eight. I’ve always had an extensive library of theological books, and around age eleven, Ashley started combing through the shelves. Before long, her bed was surrounded by stacks of books on apologetics to answer the questions her atheist friend was asking about most any and every topic of theology and genre of biblical literature. Throughout her growing up and into the present, we are

xviii Preface

often asked how we raised such a godly, strong (in a healthy way) young woman. My answer is always the same, “in many ways, her mom and I feel as if we watched the Holy Spirit raise Ashley.” One night, when Ashley was very little, I was undertaking our regular bedtime routine: worshipping together (despite my awful singing voice), cuddling, reading the Bible, catching up on the day, praying, and pressing the covers in around her, which we fondly called, “tucking her in like a burrito.” As I prayed over her one night, the Holy Spirit showed up, and for the first time in my life, I finally understood prayer. With a big smile, she looked at me and said, “I am glad I have a daddy on earth and a Daddy in heaven who both love me. It’s nice that I can talk to either of you anytime I want, and you will hear me and help me. Good night.” She smiled, closed her eyes, and went to sleep. For me, the Lord had just spoken through my little girl as He said He would, “You have taught children and infants to tell of your strength.”a As I walked out of her room and turned off her light, I felt as if God had used her words to turn on a light inside me through that sacred moment with my sweetie pie. Three things have stuck with my soul ever since:

1. God shared His title of Father, or Dad, with me. This revelation brought an entirely new, meaningful weight to my role. I wanted to make sure that as she, and later her siblings, heard about God the Father that my love for them as their earthly father did not cause them to be confused or scared of Him since we shared the same title.

a Psalm 8:2, nlt

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2. My daughter knew how to pray very naturally. For her, it was talking with a Dad who loved her. This type of prayer seemed far more personal, intimate, warm, and natural than the more religious and rote way I had wrongly viewed prayer. It is also exactly how Jesus taught us to pray—something we will explore in great detail throughout this book. 3. Not only was I Ashley’s dad, but I was also the Father’s child. God was not only her Dad but also mine. If I wanted to grow in prayer, I needed to stop focusing on religious people and their ways of praying. I needed to start learning from my children as they brought their needs, fears, and joys to me as a dad who loved them and always had time for and interest in them. If my heart and mind could become more childlike, as Jesus taught, and focus more on getting to know my Dad than how to pray, odds are my prayer life would be more like my daughter’s, which would be a good thing.

Ashley taught me a lot that day, and we’re still learning together as we do ministry and get Bible teaching out about the Father’s heart for all His sons and daughters.

●●●

I (Ashley) remember many nights when my parents would read me Bible stories and pray with me, and as I got older, I started to have a lot of questions and began to read and pray on my own. I thought that if God loves me just as much as He loves my parents, something they often told me, then He would certainly answer my questions and reveal Himself to me if I asked.

xx Preface

To me, age simply didn’t feel like a defining factor in getting to know God and His Word, but since my parents had a huge head start, I wasn’t ashamed that I didn’t know much yet. After reading through the Bible cover to cover for about six years in a row and thoroughly enjoying the discovery process, I felt as though a lot of my questions were answered, and I was pretty good at talking to God. I now realize that I had mostly just brought my requests to Him in very pointed, results- driven conversations. I could argue about answers to theological questions, but I had looked to the Bible mainly for inward knowledge, not relationship. As I entered high school, my prayer life balanced out a bit thanks to the fact that I was leading Bible studies and sharing the gospel with others. These interactions required me to live out all that was in my head by building relationships with my classmates and having an outward focus in prayer instead of just making my requests. I would say that although I never had a crisis of faith at the level of doubting my salvation or walking away from the Lord, as a pastor’s kid, I did have friends who asked me challenging questions that I took very seriously. Many times, when I was wrestling with a friend’s question that I just couldn’t sort out, I would give up and tell them that I didn’t know. Then, after a day or two, I would be journaling or talking to God about something else, and He would show me the answer. Through this process, He taught me how to listen, not just talk, and to be patient with His timing, something that I continued to learn during my senior year of high school. During my senior year, my family decided to move to a different state right at the time I was deciding which college to attend. I wanted to be near them, but they weren’t sure exactly

xxi Pray Like Jesus where they’d be living. My dad and I were praying one night and both felt as though God wanted me to take a gap semester. If you haven’t picked this up already, I like to accomplish a lot and move quickly (I wonder where I get it), so the idea of taking a break and “getting behind” after all the hard work I had done seemed silly. But God was right, and I’m glad my dad was there to help me confirm His calling. I moved to Costa Rica for four months to attend a bilin- gual (Spanish and English) Bible school that focused on mis- sions. There I had no cell service or Wi-Fi, so I learned to talk to and listen to God on a whole new level. I was completely out of my element—physically, relationally, and lin- guistically. I simply had to cling to God, the only consistent element of my life and the only familiar voice. I needed this time to mature before stepping into the next season of my life. After my family settled in Arizona, I moved there and started to attend college, where I quickly got involved with various campus ministries, including a 24/7 prayer tent. I don’t even remember exactly how I got involved, which I joke is how I know God wanted me there. Right in the middle of one of the largest universities in the country, we set up a prayer tent, where we sang worship songs, prayed, and evan- gelized twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, pretty much whenever classes were in session. It was one of the great joys of my college years and taught me so many things about prayer that I will discuss later in this book. It is an honor to be able to share stories of how God has used prayer to grow my faith and mold me as a believer. I love that prayer requires us to be dependent on God, much like a child who is helpless without a parent. God loves to

xxii Preface

bless His children, and since He is the only One who truly knows and can fill our needs, who better to go to in this often tumultuous life?

●●●

Those are our different journeys in a nutshell. Whether you find yourself relating more to one or the other of us, our prayer is that by the end of this book, you’ll discover that you have a new perspective of your relationship with God. Once you know who your Dad is, it’s a lot easier to talk to Him. So if you’re ready to discover more about Him, let’s get started.

xxiii Chapter 1

JESUS’ SECRET TO PRAYER

Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. —Matthew 18:3

Prayer. Be honest. Does just reading that word make you feel at least a little bit guilty? Talking about your prayer life often makes you feel scruti- nized or nervous. It’s the spiritual equivalent of talking about your diet or exercise—you know you could do better. You’re easily embarrassed to talk about it or apologetic about your lack of consistency. Some don’t know how to pray or don’t pray enough; others only pray at the last minute, not unlike only dialing the police in the case of an emergency. We can’t remember ever meeting anyone who thought they prayed often enough, earnestly enough, or faithfully enough. Making matters worse, maybe you don’t understand prayer, no one has ever told you how to pray, or, like with the kid in school who never really learned how to read, others just assume you know how to pray when you in fact do not and are a bit embarrassed to admit it. We are here to help. Prayer is not something you have to do. Prayer is something you get to do. Our goal is not to beat you up. Our goal is to

1 Pray Like Jesus

build you up. Talking with a Father who loves you and wants to hear from you should feel like a burden-lifting delight and not a burden-giving duty. Your Father loves you, always has time for you, likes to help you, and invites you, saying, “Call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.” a Grace and I (Mark) have five kids. One time when they were little, we were snuggled on the couch, eating popcorn and lico- rice while watching a televi- Prayer is not something sion show about someone who you have to do. had never met her dad. The kids were likely too young to Prayer is something remember that night, but I will you get to do. never forget it. When she was very young, a child got sepa- rated from her parents while moving to America. The child grew up never knowing her parents and wondering whether she was unloved or abandoned. This loss in her life was a burden she carried into adulthood. As the now adult became a parent with her own child, she decided to finally do some research to hopefully discover who her parents were and whether they were alive. After some research, she discovered that her mother had passed away but her father was still alive. Amid a lot of internal emotional wrestling, she reached out to her father, unsure of how she would be received. The father was completely over- joyed and overcome with emotion when his lost child called. He immediately jumped on a plane and flew to meet his child, as he could not bear the thought of one more moment without her. The reunion scene had me crying so hard that the kids on the couch stopped watching the show and stared at me instead.

a Jeremiah 29:12

2 Jesus’ Secret to Prayer

I was a hot mess, minus the hot. The picture of the father running with tears in his eyes to kiss and hug his long-lost daughter reminded me of the salvation experience for every Christian. The father put his hands on the face of his lost child, who was now found. With tears running down his face and a smile on his lips, he said something like, “You wandered off, and I have been looking for you ever since. I love you so much! I missed you so much! I want you to tell me everything about you!” Your Father God is like this. Your salvation is like this. In prayer you are a loved, lost-but-found child taking the time to talk with your Dad, who longs to listen. In its most general sense, prayer simply means communicating with God, whether done audibly (as God hears our words) or silently (as God knows our thoughts). Prayer is the primary way we engage in a relationship with God, and just as communication is key to interpersonal relationships, it is vital to our relationship with God. Moreover, because communication is designed to run two ways, prayer can include both speaking to God and hearing from God. When I (Ashley) started reading the Bible for myself, my dad explained to me that the Bible is God’s Word, so praying to Him as you read it allows you to have a conversation with Him. This concept made a lot of sense to me, so I would pray before reading that God would teach me something new. Afterward, I would write what He showed me and thank Him. I have continued this practice to this day, and I still see Bible reading and prayer as inextricably connected. I am thankful for this lesson because it came in handy while making the second-most important decision of my life: whom

3 Pray Like Jesus

to marry. During my last year of college, I had a close friend who I was sensing was becoming more than that. He loved the Lord and served at our church, and my whole family loved him (which is a big deal when your dad is Mark Driscoll). I, however, was not ready to settle down, as I wanted to travel and work in South America for a few years. I felt in my spirit as if I had reached a crossroads since my plans started to fall through, and I feared that, yet again, God’s plan was very different from mine. Knowing this was a very serious decision, I began to pray and fast, and I even asked my parents and a few close friends to join me. I had some honest conversations with God about my fears and frustrations, and when I expressed my desires to Him, He graciously brought me to passages of Scripture that both convicted and opened my heart to see His way. Despite my emerging confidence in His plan, I knew I would need wise counsel to follow through, so I prayed that He would speak clearly to my parents as well. As it turns out, my now husband was also fasting and praying at the same time, and after about a week, we talked and decided it was time to start dating. Our decision was confirmed by many things that God spoke to us audibly, through the Bible, and through wise counsel that all came together like puzzle pieces of God’s greater plan—not to mention that we both felt a huge burden lifted after finally realizing God’s calling. A little over a year later, we are happily married, are serving the Lord together, and can see why God redirected both of our steps to His best plan, which neither of us could have imagined. As a Father, God loves marriage, and I was thrilled to have my dad officiate our ceremony at our church. And to top it all off, we went to South America for our honeymoon, proving that

4 Jesus’ Secret to Prayer

God both has a sense of humor and wants to bless His kids so long as their desires are in His will. As the Father’s child, your conversations with God can be done anywhere and in a variety of ways, whether in a tradi- tional posture of bent knees, bowed head, and clasped hands or in more natural ways, as when you’re driving the car, mowing the yard, or shopping for groceries. You can journal your prayers or pray through the writing of songs or poetry. You can shout your prayers, or you can maintain a receptive silence, listening for the still, small voice of God. You can even use art and creativity as a way to pray. I (Ashley) can remember doodling during my dad’s sermons and drawing Bible verses on long road trips since I was very young. While living in Costa Rica, I began Bible journaling, which for me looks like creating watercolor art on the pages of my Bible when God brings images to mind while I read. I also paint while praying for people at times, as God gives me verses or pictures to share with them. Sometimes when I don’t have the words to say, art helps me express what I’m feeling to God, whether it’s a couple of scribbles or a complex painting. No matter how or when you pray, the goal is always the same: to build your loving child-parent relationship with God. This concept has made more and more sense to me (Mark) as Grace and I parent our kids. One thing has remained constant from the time that our children were little to the present day, when I now look up at Ashley’s three brothers, who have outgrown me: I did not much care what we did so long as they knew I loved them and we were building our relationship. When the boys were young, this meant a lot of wrestling, an infinite number of hours playing ball, and me frequently playing Goliath as they pretended to end my life in tribute to

5 Pray Like Jesus

David. When the two girls were young, this meant playing board games, having countless tea parties, and going on more than a few expensive daddy dates. So long as they knew I loved them, we were together, and we were building our relationship, my joy came in seeing their joy. I wanted to be in their world, enjoying their company and capturing their heart. Not only did I love our kids, but I also liked them—and still do. God the Father is like that with you, His child, but He’s infinitely better in a way that only a perfect Dad could be.

Big Lessons From Little Kids Grace and I have always encouraged our kids to talk to us about anyone and anything. Often we could tell that they needed some help, advice, or comfort, but they were reticent to welcome us in to be close with them. So we’d lovingly wait until they opened up and invited us in. Sometimes we would respond by meeting a need. Other times we would work on getting their heart to change about something that confused or upset them. Much of the time, our goal was to get them to forgive someone and mend a strained relationship. Some of the time, their conversations with us moved our hand. All the time, our conversations with them were intended to move their heart. God is our parent, and prayer is how we invite Him into our lives. Like any good observant parent, He knows what we are going through but often patiently waits for us to invite Him by initiating a conversation or taking Him up on His offer to meet with us. Sometimes prayer moves the hand of God. More often prayer changes our hearts as we capture something of

6 Jesus’ Secret to Prayer

God’s heart and are brought into agreement with and trust in Him. God doesn’t need our prayers. We need our prayers. We were created by God, in the image of God, to be in a relationship with God. Therefore, the primary purpose of prayer is nurturing and growing our relationship with our Father. Think of it like any happy and healthy parent-child relationship. When is the last time you were around a little kid with a parent who loved them? How often did the kid come to check in, report what they were doing, ask a question, make a need known, seek comfort, report a problem, cry for help, or just be silly for no reason? How often did they assume that whatever they wanted to discuss with their parent was the priority and just walk right up and start talking no matter what else was happening? You are God’s child. Prayer is talking to your Dad. If you want to know what that looks like, don’t worry about paying attention to religious folks with rituals, rugs, and rote. Instead, find some kids having fun with a loving parent, and do what they do. God doesn’t need The Bible is clear that adults our prayers. have a responsibility to teach children. The Bible is also clear We need our prayers. that adults have a lot they can learn from children. A few of the disciples once asked Jesus, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” (Anyone who says there’s no such thing as a dumb question has not read about Jesus’ disciples in the Bible.) Since they were standing in the presence of the Son of God in human flesh, the answer to this question should have been the guy whose mom was a virgin, who liked to water-ski without a boat, and who had the Father say from heaven, “This is My Son.”

7 Pray Like Jesus

Rather than rebuking these Christian leaders for seeking greatness, Jesus surprisingly redirects them to true greatness. In the typical upside-down fashion of Jesus’ kingdom, we read, “And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, ‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’”b On another occasion, one of the most beloved scenes in the entire Bible, Jesus is a bit like Santa at the mall. Parents keep bringing their kids to sit on His lap to spend time and talk with Him. We read, “Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them.” The story gets off to a heart- warming start that every grandparent can relate to—until the way-too-serious ministry leaders show up and start acting like bad mall cops to run the kids off. “And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them.” The Christian leaders are a lot like us— they think that being with God is a serious business with no time for silly play and chitchat, which is why kids are to be out of sight and out of mind. “But Jesus called them to him, saying, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.’” c This scene makes you wonder if disciple is the Greek word for grinch. Kids have a lot to teach us. They have an innate trust and imagination, and when loved, they tend to open up and enjoy giving hugs, making friends, and making memories. Christian faith is not to be childish. Christian faith is to be childlike.

b Matthew 18:2–3 c Luke 18:15–17

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Our Father Is Young, and We Are Old As we get older, we tend to think of God as a cranky old man in the sky who points His finger, furrows His brow, and raises His voice. In return, we then think that to be godly is to be cranky. This mindset explains why the children never ran to the Pharisees and sat on their laps or played with them—they were cranky, grumpy, and irritable, not cheerful and fun like Jesus. It also explains why being with religious people is similar to being at the dentist minus the pain reliever to make it tolerable. The truth is, God the Father Christian faith is not is not a cranky old man. G. K. to be childish. Christian Chesterton said, “Because faith is to be childlike. children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, ‘Do it again’; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, ‘Do it again’ to the sun; and every evening, ‘Do it again’ to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”1 God is not old; God is eternal. The difference is infinite. Baseball gloves, white bread, and today’s pop music grow old, stiff, moldy, and outdated. God does not get old. God is not winding down like a grandpa or the car he drives. God is

9 Pray Like Jesus

eternal and without sin, which means He is young, strong, and alive, unlike the rest of us worn-out and worn-down sinners. Sometimes, when we pray to God, we feel as if we are bug- ging Him. We’ve all asked God the same thing over and over. When someone does this to us, we don’t have the energy to endure it. So, we interrupt God is not old; them, report that they are God is eternal. repeating themselves, and ask The difference is infinite. them to move on and not waste our time and energy telling the same story or asking the same questions. We do this because we have sinned and grown old. Maybe God is not like us. Perhaps God is more like a child. If you’ve spent any time with a child, you will quickly realize they have a remarkable capacity to do the same thing over and over—and enjoy it with fresh energy every time. When Ashley was little, she would have me (Mark) read the same Bible story to her every night for over a year. It was the story where a daddy named Jairus asked Jesus to heal his dead little girl. Rather than healing from a distance, as He did on other occasions, Jesus went to the bedside of the little girl, touched her, and brought her back from the dead so she and her loving dad could continue to enjoy life together. Every night, I would read at least one Bible story to Ashley. Then she would smile and tell me she also wanted to hear the story of the raising of Jairus’ daughter. Each time I read it, she was equally excited about the ending, and she let me know every night how much she loved that story. If I’m honest, somewhere around the one hundredth night in a row of reading the same story, I started to see my enthu- siasm wane. We both knew the story, were well acquainted

10 Jesus’ Secret to Prayer with the ending, but our responses were markedly different. Looking back, I think that my lovely little lady had more of the Father’s heart than her father, who read her the story. Perhaps every time we bring the same sinful failure to be forgiven, the same painful memory to be healed, the same fearful circum- stance to be calmed, or the same practical request we have made every day for a year, God the Father responds with the heart of a parent but the eyes of a child. Maybe each time, He experiences it with fresh energy, love, and concern. If He does not grow weary of hearing from us, we should not grow weary of speaking to Him. We can learn a lot from kids if we have ears to hear and eyes to see. For example, when our kids were little, they each learned to ride a bike. Some picked it up rather naturally, others rather painfully. When first learning to ride a bike, the majority of kids have trouble figuring out what to do with their feet. Some kids jump on the bike and try to push both pedals at the same time, which never works. Eventually they learn to push one pedal down to build momentum, then push the other pedal down to continue building momentum, and then repeat the process over and over until they are making forward progress. Learning to pray is much the same as learning to ride a bike. The two pedals are getting to know God as Father and then learning how to communicate with Him. People who don’t enjoy a healthy relationship with God as Father find prayer to be as complicated, awkward, and imbalanced as trying to ride a bike with one pedal. The first and most important pedal to push down is receiving and returning the Father’s love for you. Once that happens, prayer is as easy as pushing the second pedal on a bike ride. Sadly many people struggle with the idea of God as Father

11 Pray Like Jesus because they had no dad or a bad dad. Even people who had a good dad did not have a perfect dad, which can cause at least some confusion about relating to God as Father. We believe this is the biggest hindrance to prayer, and hope to help get this sort of debris off the road so you can start rolling forward in the next chapter.

Reflection

1. How would you explain your prayer life in the past and present?

2. What changes would you like to make in your prayer life in the future? 3. What observations come to mind when you think about relating to God the Father as kids who have a healthy and happy relationship with their dad? 4. Which person do you have the best conversations with? What lessons can you learn from that relationship about your relationship with God? 5. Is there any specific time in your life when you felt God was really with you in prayer and showed up in an amazing way to answer that prayer? Describe it.

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WHY WE MISS JESUS’ SECRET TO PRAYER

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” —Romans 8:15

any years ago, in the early days of our first church plant, when both the church and Ashley were very small, in the middle of the sermon a young woman Mjumped to her feet. She stood there, shaking and frozen to her spot for a few moments before she turned and ran down the center aisle and out of the church building. Flinging open the doors, she made enough noise that everyone in the church noticed and was unsure what was happening. Thankfully a few leaders followed her to see what was going on. Eventually she calmed down, her breathing returned to normal, and she was able to gather her composure and thoughts. She was not completely sure what had happened, but she had something like a panic attack because of the sermon. The topic was God the Father. Even though this poor woman loved the Lord, the word father was a trauma trigger. Upon hearing that word, she was taken back to years of abuse at the

13 Pray Like Jesus

hands of a very evil father. In a demonic twist, the very name of God that was supposed to bring peace, comfort, and safety had become a terrifying title. Sadly this woman is not alone. Over the years, we have met many men and women who report similar struggles with the concept of God as Father. These struggles vary from having some moderate trouble to major trauma.

Healing the Father Wound When you have something important to say, you usually save it for the end so that the odds are better that people will remember it. This explains why the preacher’s conclusion, a dying loved one’s final words, and the closing line of a politi- cian’s speech are usually the most important things said. As they say, we tend to “save the best for last.” As a Father talking to a family, what God would save as His closing statement of the Old Testament would have to carry the family of God for many generations. The weight of the closing of the Old Testament cannot be overstated. The final words of the Old Testament are about John the Baptizer: “His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers. Otherwise I will come and strike the land with a curse.” a We tend to think of people in a variety of categories: gender, race, income level, education level, nationality, political party, age, marital status, and so on. God tends to think of people in two categories: those who are cursed and those who are blessed. When we think of people being cursed, what most often comes to mind is witches casting spells, or Satan and demons

a Malachi 4:6, nlt

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haunting, harassing, and hounding someone. Those things can be true, but what causes most cursing is fathers. God’s final word was that families and nations are cursed for generations when fathers do not have a heart for their children, which in turn causes children not to have a heart for their fathers. The reason so many families are crumbling, along with churches and nations built on the family unit, is that a divided house falls just as Jesus predicted.b Since we have three kinds of fathers, people can have three kinds of father wounds. These categories are not mutually exclusive, and someone can have multiple father wounds from multiple kinds of fathers. First, we have physical fathers. We share genetic, physical connections with them and long to have a relationship with them and receive loving help from them. Second, we have spiritual fathers. In addition to physical parents, the Bible teaches that we also have spiritual parents. This concept explains why we ought “not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father” and to treat “older women as mothers.” c Paul was a spiritual father himself, even though there is no indication that he had any biological children: “You do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.” d Paul also refers to Timothy, Titus, and Onesimus as sons and calls the Christians in Galatia “my little children.” e Peter calls Mark “my son.”f Over and over in 1–2 John, John calls Christians God’s

b Matthew 12:25 c 1 Timothy 5:1–2 d 1 Corinthians 4:15 e Galatians 4:19 f 1 Peter 5:13

15 Pray Like Jesus children, as well as “my children,” revealing the Father’s heart in his heart. Third, we have father figures. These are people in our lives that we wish would help us mature. Examples include coaches, teachers, stepfathers, grandfathers, uncles, big brothers, men- tors, counselors, and so on. Since no father is perfect, we are bound to have some degree of hurt and disappointment in one or more of these areas. For a moment, think of the most influential man or men in your life, whether he loomed large in his presence or absence, and ask yourself what he was/is like? Do any of these kinds of men sound familiar?

• The missing-in-action man. This kind of man died or was so sick that he was unable to func- tion in a normal, healthy way. His absence was not a personal rejection but created a personal loss. • The deadbeat dad. This man has walked out on your life and does little to nothing to help you, love you, or bless you because he does not much care to know you. • The addicted dad. This man self-medicates with such things as drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, gambling, and so on. Addiction takes up so much of his life that there’s no room left for anyone or anything else. • The Mr. Nice Guy. This man is genuinely tender and kindhearted. He is loving, warm, and person- able. He’s not big on conflict or correction, which means he gets walked on a lot and has a hard

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time winning at work or defending his family from harm. • The selfish dad. This man devotes his free time to his hobbies. He likes to hunt, fish, watch games, drink beer, golf, boat, off-road, or do something else with a buddy instead of his family. His time and money go to himself and his out-of- order priorities. • The party hearty pop. This man is the nice guy who most everyone likes but hardly anyone respects. He is irresponsible, is unreliable, and loves to be the life of the party. You cannot count on him since he’s immature and refuses to grow up and consistently take on adult responsibilities. • The domineering dad. This guy is overbearing, is intimidating, and wins through bullying. Tactics include pushing you around physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. These dads gravi- tate toward the military, sports, and the business world, where they succeed at ruling but lose at relationships at home. • The good dad. This guy is not perfect, but he is present. He does care and tries to be a burden lifter instead of a burden giver for his family. When he’s wrong, he apologizes, as he knows he is not perfect but wants to learn and grow to be a better dad.

I (Ashley) have spent years leading Bible studies and min- istering to the various people God would bring to the prayer

17 Pray Like Jesus

tent on my college campus. I can confirm that all these categories of dads have profound effects on how young people—especially women—view themselves, their friendships, and their romantic relationships, whether for good or bad. Coming to terms with the fact that fathers influence our lives no matter what kind of father they are is crucial in understanding how we communicate with our heavenly Father and relate to those around us. When we don’t deal with the flaws in our relationships with our earthly fathers, we spend our whole lives trying to avoid making the same mistakes in our relationships. But in the process we become so fixated on the issues that we repeat them instead of finding healing from them in prayer. A father wound is simply an unhealed hurt from a physical or spiritual father or father figure. Why does this matter? First, we have entire theological and philosophical systems built on our understanding, or misunderstanding, of God as Father. Atheism denies there is a Father God. Agnosticism says we may or may not have a Father God but that He lives far away, He is not involved in our lives, and we will never get to know Him. Deism says God the Father is a deadbeat dad who lives far away, has nothing to do with our lives, and has no desire for a relationship with us. Islam says their god, Allah, is a father, but he is cruel, distant, controlling, not relational, and a bit dangerous. Some liberal offshoots of Christianity think God the Father is a passive parent who does not tell us what to do, stays pretty much out of our lives, and approves whatever decisions we make. Feminist schools of thought are so fed up with fathers that they prefer to worship “God” as mother, including environmentalists who tell us to love the earth since she’s our mother.

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The father wound explains these various misunderstandings of God the Father, as each is either a projection or rejection of a man on earth onto the Father in heaven. This thinking is completely backward. We are not to begin our understanding of God the Father by looking at men on earth and assuming He is like them. Instead, we are to look to God the Father and judge other men on earth by the character and conduct of our Father in heaven. To heal the father wound, we need to forgive the father on earth who hurt us and start spending time with our Father in heaven, who can heal us. A father wound allows a failed earthly father to stand between you and your heavenly Father. Although He is there for you, you cannot see Him because To heal the father wound, your bitterness blocks your we need to forgive the view. In this way, a wound is father on earth who hurt the spiritual equivalent of an eclipse where an earthly us and start spending father blocks the light that time with our Father in shines on you from your heaven who can heal us. heavenly Father. Forgiveness is how you release that man, remove that eclipse, and receive a new relationship with God as Father. All bitterness is a demonic stronghold that prevents Christian maturity from happening.g Regarding unforgiveness with a father, Jesus promised, “I will not leave you as orphans.”h The orphan heart is the result of the father wound. Once you forgive your earthly father, your heart will be opened to receive the healing relationship you need with your heavenly Father.

g Ephesians 4:26–27, 30–32 h John 14:18

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This is what the Bible means by calling God a “Father of the fatherless.”i On the cross one of Jesus’ final seven words was “Why have you forsaken me?”j At that moment, Jesus took your place. At that moment, Jesus took on Himself all your sin and the Son of God was forsaken—or orphaned, as Jesus used the words interchangeably—so that the Father could adopt you into the Forever Family. Jesus Christ was orphaned so that you could be adopted by a Father who will never abandon you or orphan you. The most secure relationship in all eternity is between God the Father and you, His child. It will not be surprising if in heaven the scenes of your life are replayed. You’ll discover that when you felt alone and abandoned, God the Father was cheering from the seat that looked empty at your game or your graduation; He was putting an arm around you at the moment that it felt as if a torpedo hit the hull of your life. Living by faith instead of sight means believing that God is present even when we don’t see it. Second, since prayer is about building a loving, warm, healthy relationship with God the Father in conversation, it is impossible to have both a good prayer life and a father wound. This fact cannot be overstated.

Learning About the Father From the Son Prayer is mainly about relationship. Prayer does include needs being met, burdens being lifted, questions being answered, hurts being healed, joys being shared, and fears being con- quered. But all those things are in the context of a loving parent-child relationship between the Father and you.

i Psalm 68:5 j Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34

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The Old Testament talks a lot about fathers and includes genealogies listing generations of dads. God is referred to as Father roughly fifteen times, and those few occasions pertain to God’s relationship with the nation of Israel, not warm and personal communication to an individual. Everything changes with the coming of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ favorite title for God is Father. A theological dictionary says, “The teaching of the Fatherhood of God takes a decided turn with Jesus, for ‘Father’ was his favorite term for addressing God. It appears on his lips some sixty-five times in the Synoptic Gospels and over Living by faith instead one hundred times in John. of sight means believing The exact term Jesus used is that God is present even still found three times in the New Testament (Mark 14:36; when we don’t see it. Rom 8:15–16; Gal 4:6) but elsewhere the Aramaic term Abba is translated by the Greek pater. . . . The uniqueness of Jesus’ teaching on this subject is evident for several reasons. For one, the rarity of this designation for God is striking. There is no evidence in pre-Christian Jewish literature that Jews addressed God as ‘Abba.’ A second unique feature about Jesus’ use of Abba as a designation for God involves the intimacy of the term. Abba was a term little children used when they addressed their fathers. At one time it was thought that since children used this term to address their fathers the nearest equivalent would be the English term ‘Daddy.’ More recently, however, it has been pointed out that Abba was a term not only that small children used to address their fathers; it was also a term that older children and adults

21 Pray Like Jesus

used. As a result it is best to understand Abba as the equivalent of ‘Father’ rather than ‘Daddy.’”1 People who struggle with God as Father often have a great fondness for Jesus as if the Father were the mean one, the Son were the nice one, and the Spirit were the weird one. The entire concept of the Trinity is that God operates a bit like a family. The language of Father and Son, at the very least, uses the idea of a loving family to explain the relational nature of the one God who lives together as three persons in a loving, unified relationship. Theologians are fond of telling us that they each share all the same divine attributes and do everything together in perfect unity like a healthy family. In a crowd you can often tell who the parent of a child is by noting the family resemblance. As the Son of God, Jesus Christ carries the Father’s same character from heaven into the world. If you love and appreciate Jesus, the truth is that you are reacting to the character of the Father. According to the Bible, when we look at Jesus, we see God the Father. Jesus said, “If you had known me, you would have known my Father also.”k Jesus was then told, “Show us the Father.”l Because the Father is invisible, immaterial, and spiritual, He cannot be seen as a human being in a body. It also explains why the Ten Commandments forbid seeking to depict God the Father with any physical reality or graven image. Just because the Father does not have a physical being does not mean that He cannot be seen. Jesus Christ took on Himself human flesh to enter human history, and in response to the request about seeing God the Father, Jesus said, “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father.” m

k John 14:7 l John 14:8 m John 14:9

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The entire Trinity works to get you into a loving relationship with God the Father. The Holy Spirit convicts you of sin, gives you a new nature, and opens up your soul to be born again and love Jesus. This explains why that same chapter, John 14, ends with fully half of its verses dedicated to Jesus’ teaching about the ministry of the Holy Spirit. In short, the Holy Spirit brings you to Jesus Christ, the Son of God. The Son of God then brings you to God the Father. In the middle of this same discussion about getting to God the Father, Jesus summarized His entire earthly mission, saying, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” n Lots of Christians have received the Spirit and met Jesus but still not made the final step of their spiritual walk into a warm, loving relationship with God as Father. These people are filled with the Spirit and love Jesus but are still not fully healed because they have a remaining father wound manifested as an “orphan” spirit.o Once you begin to experience a healthy relationship with the Father, not only will you start to grow in health, but also your prayer life will naturally and continually improve. People in a relationship talk to one another to build their relationship. Until you have a relationship, communication simply cannot exist. Getting to know and trust God as Father starts by looking at Jesus the Son. When the Bible says that people, including Jesus, are God’s image bearers, it means that people are made to mirror. The job of the mirror in your bathroom and car are simple—to accurately reflect your image. A mirror does not exist to create images but only to reflect. This concept is

n John 14:6 o John 14:18

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precisely what the Bible means, saying that Jesus “is the image of the invisible God,” p All that you see and appreciate in Jesus is a perfect reflection of the Father heart of God, which should invite you to pray to God as Father, as Jesus did.

Our Father Jesus prays, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. . . . Yet not what I will, but what you will.” q This prayer shows us both Jesus’ relational intimacy with God (calling him Abba) and his submission to the Father’s authority and will. In this example, we learn two things: prayer to the Father should always be respectful but need not be formal. I (Mark) grew up in a religious tradition where the prayers were very memorized, very ritualized, very formalized. And this trains us to think we have to jump through certain religious hoops to get our prayers heard. As I (Ashley) was growing up, we had some traditions around prayer, such as praying at dinner and before bed, but this was mainly to build good habits, and these were not the only times we prayed. Telling God what we were thankful for around the dinner table was always a highlight for me and is something my husband and I still do to this day. Praying before bed was a way for my parents to bless us and model prayer so that we could learn to participate. But beyond that I remember my parents praying for what seemed to me like little things, such as that we’d drive somewhere safely, to big things, such as that God would provide us with a church building. We kept a journal of many requests and one by one would cross them off as God chose to answer them. Sometimes the

p Colossians 1:15 q Mark 14:36

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prayers were short and simple and took place in the middle of the grocery store, and sometimes they were long and thought out in private. It all depended on the person or need for which we were praying. God is a loving Father who loves to hear from His children. He welcomes your prayers: “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” r Adults can learn a lot about prayer by hanging out with children. For example, at the age of six, one of my five children wanted to go swimming. He didn’t approach me (Mark), saying, “Dearest Father, despite the horror of my sin and unworthy fallen nature, I beseech thou to swimmeth with me.” He just said, “Dad, can we go swimming?” He didn’t hem and haw; he didn’t have to make a fifteen-minute speech; he didn’t have to be uptight. He did not need to quote dead theologians. He knows that I love him and that he has the freedom to ask me for things. I love my son; he’s my boy! All he has to do is ask. Some of us are just way too serious with our prayers. This doesn’t mean that prayer isn’t a serious business; it just means that too many of us think that if we pray in specific ways and with certain speech, God will be more inclined to hear us. But God is our Abba Father, our Dad. He wants to listen to us, answer us, and help us. He doesn’t require any more formalized rituals than any other loving dad would. We don’t have to be uptight about prayer. Because of this the Bible says we can approach the throne of grace boldly! s Our Father loves us and wants to hear from us. Dad cares. He’s available; we just need to talk to Him.

r Romans 8:15 s Hebrews 4:16

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We also need to remember that prayer is not telling God something He doesn’t already know. You can’t surprise God! In meeting with people with various issues, we often ask, “Well, have you talked to God about this?” and it is remarkable how often some say, “Oh, no, I could never talk to God about this!” There’s no information you have that God doesn’t already know; your telling Him something will never put Him in the know. You’re not going to shock God or catch Him off guard. To me (Ashley) and many people I have known, this is an incredibly comforting fact. I once shared the gospel with a girl who felt that she couldn’t tell God what she had done or what had been done to her, and she hadn’t even told her best friend or parents due to overwhelming shame. She knew the situation wasn’t entirely her fault, but she felt so blameworthy that she kept it to herself and was emotionally crippled in fear of someone finding out. I gently explained to her that God already knew about everything she was holding inside and He wanted to heal her if she would let him. She started bawling in disbelief that God didn’t want to punish her or look at her as damaged goods. But she also struggled to understand why God didn’t prevent her from being harmed in the first place, which I later discovered was partially due to her irresponsible dad, who didn’t protect her or impart much wisdom about men. She allowed me to pray for her at that moment and slowly opened up to the idea of praying on her own the more we got to know each other and were able to separate her earthly experiences from her view of the heavenly Father. My kids often tell me (Mark) things that I already know, but their telling me is about talking to me, experiencing relational

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intimacy with me, and inviting me in to be with them. It’s about the experience of me loving them, serving them, helping them, instructing them, and caring for them. Conversation is key to all relationships. When you have a problem or a concern, take it to God and talk about it with Him, just as Jesus did. While there are times when we pray to God the Son (as Stephen did at his death in Acts 7:59) or to the Holy Spirit, ideally prayer is Trinitarian. Most times, we pray to the Father, through the Son, by the presence and the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit. Our prayers as Christians exem- plify our participation in the Most times, we pray to life of the Trinity. This concept the Father, through the matters greatly because if we Son, by the presence do not understand who God is, and the power of the then we cannot understand who we are. These are perhaps indwelling Holy Spirit. the two most important first things we need to know rightly—who God is and who God says we are. Once these two truths are straight, the rest of life can be straightened out. Sadly, many Bible-believing, Jesus-loving, Spirit-following Christians get these two things wrong.

Is God Your Father or Master? Are You His Son or Slave? When Ashley was first born, her mother and I held her, prayed for her, and kept telling her that we were her parents. Instinctively we knew that she needed to know who we were and that we were there to love her, protect her, and provide for her.

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What is true when we are born is also true when we are born again. The first thing we need to know is who our parent is: “Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!’ So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.” t The story line of the Bible is that we are born as “slaves of sin” u and “by nature children of wrath.” v Simply stated, we were born with Satan as our father, the same as the religious leaders Jesus rebuked,w and we are enslaved by sin and death. When the Holy Spirit gave you a new heart and made you a new person, He also gave you a new Father and new freedom from sin. Do you relate to God as master or Father? Many Christians struggle to relate to God as Father because they mistakenly see Him as master. Just as the children of Israel were no longer slaves when God freed them from Egyptian bondage, they still had a slave mindset that struggled to live in freedom and the love of God the Father, even longing to go back to their old way of life under a master as slaves. The difference between seeing God as master and Father is profound and affects every aspect of your relationship with God, particularly prayer.

GOD AS MASTER vs. GOD AS FATHER A master uses you A father blesses you You serve a master A father serves you A master motivates you by fear A father motivates you by love A master beats you down A father builds you up No grace for an inheritance Full grace for an inheritance

t Galatians 4:6–7 u Romans 6:17 v Ephesians 2:3 w John 8:44

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Many people struggle with prayer because they wrongly view God as master. If God is mean, unloving, controlling, and harsh and uses you, then running to Him to build a loving, intimate relationship by inviting Him into every aspect of your life is the very last thing you would do. Conversely, if God is your Father, that is the very thing you should do. I (Ashley) have known many young people to be so pas- sionate about their faith and doing the right thing that they go to great lengths to keep a rigorous schedule of prayer, The difference between fasting, Bible reading, and seeing God as master other externally visible spir- and Father is profound itual disciplines. They are often honored for their ded- and affects every aspect ication and devotion, mainly of your relationship with because they let everyone God, particularly prayer. know exactly how dedicated they are. But whenever they miss a scheduled time with the Father or He doesn’t “show up,” they fear He could be angry or disappointed with them. Or perhaps even worse, they judge others for not being as devoted as they are. Our God is not a god who must be won over by sacrifices and outward actions as much as He is a Father who wants to spend time with His kids. On occasion I would talk about these religious zealots to classmates who didn’t know Jesus, and they saw no benefit in becoming part of what they saw represented as Christianity, no matter how hard anyone tried to convince them or scare them into it. In one instance, these zealots even told me that I might not be saved because I didn’t follow the rules of a specific group! With both the religious and rebellious, I’ve found

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that pointing them to Jesus’ relationship with the Father in the Gospels is the only way to learn the truth about what the Father requires of us. Our prayer lives should look like His prayer life. Do you see yourself as a slave or a son? A son or daughter with a father lives from their identity. Conversely, a slave with a master lives for their identity. If they perform well and please the master, they are rewarded. If they fail to perform well for the master, they are punished. A slave has to earn their identity and can lose it at any time. This reality causes great pressure to perform, be perfect, and not disappoint in any way. Many people—especially if they had a perfectionist, religious, demanding, military-minded, or competitive parent—are hardwired to believe in a works-based identity. A works-based identity is earned and can be lost. The opposite is a grace- based identity, which is not achieved by you but received by you as a gift from the Father given by your big brother Jesus that cannot be lost. Satan is the “father of lies,” x and one of his most persistent, pernicious, and perilous lies is telling us that our identity is not secure in the Father’s love for us. Consider Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Having spent the first roughly thirty years of His life obeying His parents as a kid and working a carpentry job with His earthly father as a young man, Jesus began His public ministry by being baptized. Before Jesus had seemingly preached a sermon, healed the sick, or performed a miracle, God the Father spoke from heaven, saying, “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”y

x John 8:44 y Luke 3:22

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In the very next chapter, Satan shows up and says two times, “If you are the Son of God,” then you need to prove and achieve it by doing something.z Jesus, by faith, believed who the Father said He was as Son, lived from that identity, and walked in spiritual victory. When you know that God is your Father and you are His child, God’s love floods your life from heaven. When you do not know or fail to believe these two truths, hell comes up to burn down your life. As a dad, no matter what our kids do, I am still their dad, who loves them, who wants to be a blessing to their lives, and who lifts burdens. “When we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world . . . God sent forth his Son . . . so that we might receive adoption as sons.”aa Those who see God as master tend to see themselves as slaves. Those who see God as Father tend to see themselves as sons and daughters.

SLAVE vs. SON Controlling relationship Loving relationship Powerless Empowered Works-based lifestyle Grace-based lifestyle Forever out of the family Forever in the family

In the ancient world, upwards of half of the Roman Empire was slaves. They were regarded as property, had little to no legal rights, were treated as machines and beasts worked to death, and were not allowed to be part of the family or receive any of the family inheritance. Sons, however, were loved as heirs, had legal rights, were treated with love, were included

z Luke 4:3, 9 aa Galatians 4:3–5

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in the family, and received a full inheritance. This difference is why God the Father tells us that we are “sons of God,” with both sons and daughters receiving the same full legal status as was given the sons in the ancient world. If God is your master and you are His slave, you will not have much of a relationship or spend any significant amount of time inviting Him into the deepest details of your life. If God is your Father and you are His son or daughter, everything changes and prayer happens as easily as a conversation between a loved, secure child and a parent who is for them and always there for them. I (Ashley) have seen many people who view God as a slave driver eventually give up on trying to have a relationship with Him altogether since it seems as if even when they do the right things, He doesn’t seem to notice or care. And when they pray, He doesn’t seem to listen. They grow weary and go back to their sinful habits because following God doesn’t seem to add much value to their daily lives yet requires a lot of effort. These are all lies that Satan tells to keep us enslaved to sin instead of truly being free. God often doesn’t answer prayer exactly when or how we ask, but the more we get to know Him, the more our hearts are aligned with His and the more we hear His voice more clearly above all the noise that the enemy throws at us. Carefully studying His Word and being devoted to prayer teach us who He is and who we are in relation to Him, which helps us to be aware of what He is doing around us.

Dear Dads Let me (Mark) say to every dad reading this chapter, the person most likely to curse your family for generations is you. Women and demons can be problems, but the biggest problem is

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usually the dad. Because of this, Jesus told some men, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires.” ab The adage “Like father, like son” rings true, and the devil’s boys look a lot like their dad. Make no mistake, The single greatest the majority of our social cure for poverty, crime, problems would be solved by dads living, loving, and and moral decay is the leading with the Father heart presence of fathers with of God. The single greatest the Father heart of God. cure for poverty, crime, and moral decay is the presence of fathers with the Father heart of God. More than additional cops, prisons, and government, kids need good, godly dads. Just as cursing flows down from those in leadership because they are the head, so does blessing. If a father becomes a Christian and gets a new heart by the Spirit, a new life by the Son, and a new relationship with the Father, the blessings of God fall on that man and fall through that man to his family for generations. Once people become children of God, they then learn to parent their kids the way God parents them. Too often it is the single mom raising the kids or the married mom taking the kids to church and teaching the kids about Jesus without the dad’s involvement. Women and children are more likely to attend church, read the Bible, pray, and tithe than men sta- tistically. Men are missing a massive opportunity to have the Father’s blessing reign down on them, in them, and through them to their families. If your wife or child gives you this book,

ab John 8:44

33 Pray Like Jesus men, it is because the Father wants to do something powerful through you so that generations can be blessed. At the end of Genesis, a family of around seventy people moved to Egypt. Some four hundred years later, that same family left as a nation of a few Too often men think million to establish Israel as the far more about having world headquarters for mission a good time than they and ministry, awaiting the coming of Jesus Christ! Too think about leaving often men think far more about a good legacy. having a good time than they think about leaving a good legacy. In four hundred years, how many of your descendants will be alive, and will they be cursed or blessed? It is rightly said,

One man can make a difference. Churchill saved England. Lombardi turned the Packers from doormats into legends. Namath convinced the Jets they could win the [national foot- ball championship]. Iacocca turned Chrysler around. It happens all the time. One man can make a difference. Jonathan Edwards was one man who made a difference. Born in 1703, he was perhaps the most brilliant mind America ever pro- duced. A pastor, writer, and later, president of Princeton, he and his wife had eleven children. Of his known male descendants:

• More than three hundred became pastors, missionaries, or theological professors. • 120 were professors at various universities. • 110 became attorneys. • Sixty were prominent authors.

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• Thirty were judges. • Fourteen served as presidents of universities and colleges. • Three served in the U.S. Congress. • One became vice president of the United States.2

In addition to the life we live, there is a legacy we leave. Jonathan Edwards lived an amazing life as arguably Jesus’ teaching that God the greatest theologian in is our Father combined the history of America, with Paul’s teaching that but his legacy is even we are His sons completely greater than his life. He was a devoted dad whose transforms what it means descendants have been for a man to have a loving world changers. relationship with God. The secret to Edwards’ powerful legacy was his prayerful life:

He began the day with private prayers followed by family prayers, by candlelight in the winter. Each meal was accom- panied by household devotions, and at the end of each day Sarah joined him in his study for prayers. Jonathan kept secret the rest of his daily devotional routine, following Jesus’ command to pray in secret. Throughout the day, his goal was to remain constantly with a sense of living in the presence of God, as difficult as that might be. Often he added secret days of fasting and additional prayers.3

I know that for many men, prayer can be hard because it involves communication and emotion—two things that many men do not consider manly. Jesus is the perfect man, and

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He prayed emotional prayers. Jesus’ teaching that God is our Father, combined with Paul’s teaching that we are His sons, completely transforms what it means for a man to have a loving relationship with God. Furthermore, men become like their view of God the Father and treat their kids the way they see God treat them. Until men get a healthy view of God as Father and of themselves as sons, not only does their relationship with God suffer but so does their relationship with their children. To learn how to pray like God’s kids to our heavenly Father, we will examine the prayer life of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, starting in the next chapter.

Reflection

1. a. What is your relationship with your physical father(s) like? What category would you put him in (missing-in-action, deadbeat, addicted, Mr. Nice Guy, selfish, party hearty, domineering, good)? How does this relationship affect your prayers to the heavenly Father?

1. b. What is your relationship with your spiritual father(s) like? What category would you put him in (missing-in-action, deadbeat, addicted, Mr. Nice Guy, selfish, party hearty, domineering, good)? How does this relationship affect your prayers to the heavenly Father?

1. c. What is your relationship with your father figure(s)? What category would you put him in (missing-in-action, deadbeat, addicted, Mr. Nice

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Guy, selfish, party hearty, domineering, good)? How does this relationship affect your prayers to the heavenly Father? 2. Has God revealed any father wounds in your life? If so, list them and begin to process them with the Father. 3. What has Jesus taught you about prayer? 4. Do you view God as Father or master? Do you see yourself as a son or a slave? How do these views affect your prayers? 5. If you are a dad, how can you grow in your prayer life? Why is it important for you to set an example for your family?

Chapter 3

PRAY LIKE JESUS

Lord, teach us to pray. —Luke 11:1

ver since I (Ashley) was little, I remember God placing a desire in my heart to learn Spanish. I had some amazing elementary schoolteachers that encouraged my Eexcitement for the language, and as I got older, I felt that for some reason God had wired my brain for language learning. In high school I started volunteering with a program that taught English to Spanish-speaking moms in my community and even started going on mission trips to Spanish-speaking countries. I felt God calling me to minister to Spanish speakers, so I was even more motivated to keep studying and practicing. This calling led me to attend Bible college in Costa Rica after high school to learn to study the Bible in Spanish and effec- tively share the gospel. As a kindergartner, I had no idea that God wanted me to learn Spanish so that I could tell people about Jesus in Mexico and Costa Rica and beyond. I had no idea that I would eventually teach English to Spanish-speaking immigrants in Arizona and help them get jobs so their families could be stable. Or that I would help translate my dad’s books into Spanish so that

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more of the world could hear the good news. I simply thought it was fun, and since I was young, I didn’t feel bad that it took me so long to learn and was incredibly challenging at times, especially since I’m still learning daily! Learning to pray is similar to learning a new language. You simply have to start somewhere, even if it seems as if it is a steep learning curve or you feel behind everyone else. Maybe you have zero motivation to learn a language and don’t feel as if you ever could succeed in it. Thankfully our motivation to learn to pray should be to communicate with our Father, and He’s given us everything we need to do so in His Word and through the Holy Spirit.

Praying by the Spirit When children are little, they have to learn everything. They do not come into the world knowing how to say a word, drink out of a cup, or tie their shoes. So children end up asking their parents a lot of questions. When we are born again as God’s children, this process repeats itself. We do not instantly know the Bible or how to pray and worship when we are born again. These are things that we must learn, so we need to ask God a lot of questions to help us. This process happened a lot in the Bible. One example is when the disciples said to Jesus, “Lord, teach us to pray.” a Jesus responded that if they, who were sinful, still knew how to give good things to their children, how much more would the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to anyone who asked Him.b

a Luke 11:1 b Luke 11:13

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Jesus was teaching them that God our Father is a perfect dad. He drew a comparison between God and an earthy dad. Even the best earthly father is still an imperfect, sinful dad. Yet if a good dad on earth knows how to answer requests from his children and bless them with good gifts, how much more will our perfect heavenly Father do the same? Jesus’ point is to encourage us not to have fear but to have faith in praying to our Father. Jesus’ answer to the disciples’ request to teach them to pray is about receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit because, while Trinitarian prayer is directed to the Father, it is empowered by the Spirit. Did you know that the Holy Spirit has been praying throughout eternity? God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit have been living in love and communicating that love together forever. Perhaps the Bible’s best-known Trinitarian statement is, “God is love.” c Or, to say it another way, the triune God is like a perfect relational family and the model for all families. Love is spoken of roughly eight hundred times throughout God the Father, God Scripture. In stating that “God the Son, and God is love,” the Bible reveals the the Spirit have been Trinitarian God of the Bible as living in love and simultaneously the definition, example, and source of true love. communicating that To declare that God is love is to love together forever. confess that God is Trinitarian. Loving requires that there be someone to love, and because our God is in relationship as the Father, Son, and Spirit instead

c 1 John 4:8

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of the lonely concept of one divine Being alone forever held by some religions, our God is love, loved, and loving. Because God is love, it makes sense that God is relational and created us for relationships with Him and one another. “In the beginning was the Word [Jesus], and the Word was with God [Father], and the Word was God.”d In the original Greek, John is saying that God the Father and God the Son were pro- verbially face-to-face in eternity past. This language speaks of relationship, which compels us to live face-to-face with others in companionship and connection. This built-in desire is why we are starving for refreshing relationships. We want to love and be loved, we want to trust and be trusted, and we want to speak and be spoken to in return. What we need is a someone. Your relationship with God is supposed to be your priority, your source of healthy living, and your model for all other relationships. Your relational needs are God sized. Even a good friend, spouse, or parent is a bad god. There is no relationship with anyone that can replace your relationship with God. If you follow the deepest longings of your soul, they will lead you back to the God who made you for a relationship with Him. Thankfully, God the Spirit, who has lived in perfect relationship and loving communication with the Father and Son, lives in the believer. He teaches us how to pray to build a loving relationship with God: “Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!’” e Upon salvation, the Spirit dwelling in us begins changing our hearts, and our prayers originate with Him. The Spirit of God brings us into conversation with the Trinity.

d John 1:1 e Galatians 4:6

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When I (Mark) was a brand-new Christian, I had no idea how to pray conversationally or from the heart. I had no idea what to do or what to say. I’d never done it. I attended my first Bible study, and because I was the new guy, the leader said, “Mark, since you’re new here, why don’t you pray for us?” I said, “Um, not really. That’s why I’m here! I don’t know what number to dial.” I said, “Why don’t you pray, and I’ll watch.” So they bowed their heads and closed their eyes, and I kept one eye open and watched. The Spirit used experiences such as that to teach me. The next thing I knew, I was learning to pray. I didn’t read a bunch of books on prayer or go to prayer workshops. I just watched people and started praying, and the Spirit began shaping my heart toward prayer and taught me gradually how to pray. Teaching a child of God to pray is a lot like teaching a child to speak. The more we hear others doing it, the more we learn to do it ourselves. Christian parents can do a great service for their children by speaking and praying over them and in front of them. This way, the child grows up learning both to speak to people and to pray to God. Jesus Himself prayed by the Spirit. “He rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, ‘I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for as such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows who the Son is except the Father, or who the Father is except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.’”f This beautiful description of worshipful prayer shows us how

f Luke 10:21–22

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the Spirit empowers us to pray like Jesus. Since the fruit of the Spirit includes joy, when we pray in the Spirit, we can experience the same kind of joy that Jesus did in prayer. If Jesus prayed, we need to pray. If we have the same Holy Spirit that Jesus did, we can pray like Jesus.

Praying Through the Son As a young child, Ashley came home from school one day and informed me (Mark) that she needed a good attorney. Curious as to what legal trouble my ponytailed princess could have gotten herself into, I inquired why she needed legal representation. She proceeded to explain that her friend needed an attorney. A single mother had started attending our church, and God saved her and her little girl, who became Ashley’s friend. The father was not very involved in the life of his daughter and only occasionally made his child support payments. For some reason, he decided to declare legal war on the mother and daughter, threatening to sue for custody if he was not allowed to drop all child support payments. The situation equated to a hostage negotiation with a little girl in the middle. The mother and daughter were understandably afraid because they needed the meager child support to make ends meet. They could not afford an attorney but did not want to have the girl go live with her dad. Grace and I have always taught our kids that we have money set aside for them to give away to people in need in addition to our giving to the local church and other ministries. We wanted our children to grow up looking for ways to love people by encouraging generosity. Ashley rightly assumed that she had access to sufficient funding to pay for an attorney.

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That night, we got a call from the mother. Her daughter had been emphatic that Ashley was paying for their legal bills, and so the mother called to clear up what she thought was confusion over the matter. In the end Ashley paid for the attorney, who won the case, so the mother and daughter could stay together with the financial support they were due. In this example, Ashley served as the intercessor for her friend. She brought the needs of her friend to us so that we could get her the help she needed. The attorney that Ashley paid for served as the advocate for her friend. The advocate stood before the judge and defended the mother and her daughter. The Bible says that Jesus “always lives to make intercession” g and “we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ.” h Jesus Christ is both our intercessor, who brings our needs before the Father, and our advocate, who defends us before the Father. Just as Jesus offered Himself as the atoning sacrifice, becoming our substitute and thereby securing our redemption, He continued after His resurrection and exaltation to stand in the gap for us, interceding for us with the Father. Because “there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,”i when we pray to the Father, we are praying by and in the power of the Spirit living in us and we are praying through the power of Jesus Christ living for us. As we seek to pray through the Son, we should seek to pray as the Son prayed. We notice one thing as we look through the Gospels for instances of Jesus praying: He didn’t exactly devote a large amount of time to direct instruction on prayer all at once. Rather, we find that Jesus’ direction on prayer is

g Hebrews 7:25 h 1 John 2:1 i 1 Timothy 2:5

45 Pray Like Jesus woven throughout His life and teaching. His prayers and His teachings on prayer are part of the fabric of His day-to-day life and ministry. He would “pray without ceasing.”j Praying without ceasing means we don’t have to put on our burlap Jedi robe, climb up a high mountain, get in the lotus position, drink decaf oolong tea, and chant a mantra such as “om.” To pray like Jesus means to live a prayerful life, where prayer is a constant and recurring discipline in our lives lived through the Spirit. We get out of bed and pray. We eat break- fast and pray. We get in the car and pray. We go to work and pray. We go shopping and pray. We study and pray. We clean out the garage and pray. Every day and in all facets of our day we have the great privilege of talking to our Father. Praying like Jesus means living a prayerful life, which begs the next question.

How Did Jesus Pray? When someone is exceptional, we want to know the secret to their success. This truth applies to world-class athletes, politi- cians who lead their people to peace and prosperity, business leaders who change markets, moms who raise great kids, and husbands who love their wives well. The most impactful person in world history is Jesus Christ. In the late nineties, as we approached the new millennium, a Newsweek cover story said, “By any secular standard, Jesus is . . . the dominant figure of Western culture. Like the millennium itself, much of what we now think of as Western ideas, inventions, and values finds its source or inspiration in the reli- gion that worships God in His name. Art and science, the self and society, politics and economics, marriage and the family,

j 1 Thessalonians 5:17

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right and wrong, body and soul—all have been touched and often radically transformed by Christian influence.”1 If you aim to learn about basketball, study Michael Jordan. If you desire to learn about political leadership, study Winston Churchill. If you want to learn about prayer, study Jesus Christ. Now that we’ve examined Jesus’ prayers and Jesus’ teaching on prayer for the essential qualities and content of our prayers, it should be helpful to look at a few more of Jesus’ prayers. What did Jesus’ prayers look like? What kind of prayers did He pray?

Jesus prayed scriptural prayers. Counselors constantly tell us that a key to any good relationship is communication. A healthy, loving, growing relationship requires that both people speak openly and respectfully and listen carefully and compassionately. What is true of our human relationships is also true of our relationship with God. God speaks to us most clearly through His Word, and we talk to Him in prayer. Because of this, Jesus often prayed Scripture and teaches us to do the same. Here is one stunning example: “And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’” This lament is a direct quote from Psalm 22:1 and means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”k Jesus was literally praying the Bible, which is how prayer and Bible study go together. The Holy Spirit inspired the writing of Scripture; He indwells us to teach us the Scripture and how to pray according to the Scripture. In prayer, we speak to God, and in Scripture, God speaks to us.

k Mark 15:34; Psalm 22:1

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If your Bible reading is not going well, pray. If you’re confused or feel out of your depth, pray. Pray before you start reading the Bible. Pray as you’re reading, thanking God for His Word and asking God to illuminate its meaning more brightly to you. Pray when you’re done reading Scripture and ask God to help you apply what you’ve read to your daily life. Read and pray; read and pray; read and pray. Come in prayer to Scripture. When you read something convicting, stop and pray in repentance. When something impresses you, stop and praise God. When something reminds you of someone else, stop and pray for them. The goal of Bible reading is not for you to get through Scripture but for Scripture to get through you. You might not get through passages quickly, but those passages will stick with you. And you’ll enjoy your study time more because it will be shaping you in ways you can’t imagine. If your prayer life is guided by Scripture, then you’ll know you are praying in God’s will. I (Ashley) enjoy making to-do lists and checking things off, so for many years I enjoyed intense, long Bible-reading plans that would take me through The goal of Bible the Bible in a year or less. I reading is not for you liked being able to tell others to get through Scripture how quickly I was reading, but I missed the point of the but for Scripture to Bible, which is not about me. get through you. I built the habit of reading, which was good, but I didn’t let it sink in through prayer and meditation. More recently, when I read my Bible, I choose a book to go

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through at my own pace. I’ll read a chapter or two and just wait until a verse or section stands out. Then I’ll read it over and over and ask God to show me why He highlighted it. Sometimes God gives me an image to paint in my Bible, sometimes He asks me to memorize it, sometimes He reminds me of a friend to pray for or share it with, and sometimes He connects it to something going on in my life and leads me to pray or journal. Some days I will meditate on the first verse I read, and sometimes I don’t sense anything specific to focus on at first. I try to be patient and ask God to show me one thing to take away from my time with Him, and I find that the more I am in the habit of using my Bible as a communicative tool, the more clearly and quickly I can hear.

Jesus prayed long prayers. Some of my earliest memories of prayer are around the dinner table or before bedtime. God certainly welcomes these short prayers, but just as when you’re getting to know a friend, sometimes you need to sit for a few hours and exchange stories and testimonies. When I got involved with the prayer tent in college, we would sign up for one-hour blocks to pray, worship, read the Bible, and just be with God. Since I didn’t have classes on Fridays, I signed up for a three-hour block in the afternoons. I remember going to the tent my first week and wondering what I would do sitting there for three hours alone, trying to focus on God. In the end I had this shift for a year and a half, and wow, did God do some cool things within that three-hour time frame. I shared the gospel with people that God seemingly escorted into the tent to meet me, cried and repented of my sin on

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countless occasions, prayed for friends and family, and felt God’s heart for my very lost college campus. Some weeks the time would zoom by, but some weeks I had a hard time keeping my mind from distraction and boredom. Some weeks I felt as if I didn’t have time for my shift or just wasn’t in the mood, but if I hadn’t learned to pray lengthy prayers, I know I would have missed out on many opportuni- ties to see God move in my life and the lives of others. Jesus didn’t necessarily pray long prayers publicly, but He spent lengthy amounts of time in prayer with the Father: “In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God.”l Praying is one way of battling in the unseen realm, which explains why Jesus prayed all night before picking the twelve. We can only imagine the nightlong wrestling in prayer that took place about choosing Judas. Many (perhaps most) times, you should pray succinctly, but there are times when the best thing we can do is get alone and fight the long battles on our knees until we surrender to the will of God. Whether you’re facing a crisis or the imminence of a major life decision, we encourage you to get lots of time alone in prayer. Before I (Mark) married Grace, I prayed a lot. She did the same. We also asked our Christian friends and family to join us. Since we were young, we did not want simply to ask God to bless our plan, but we wanted to ask God to give us His plan. Are you getting married? Sort that out with God first. Whom you marry is the second-most important decision you will ever make after whom you will worship. The same is true of any major life decision. One of our pastors, who has taught us a lot, walked with us through the biggest decision-making

l Luke 6:12

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season of our life as a married couple. We took months to pray and asked others to pray with us and for us. We wanted God to tell us whether we should stay in a ministry, home, and city that we had been serving for a few decades or if we should transition into a completely unknown future in faith. After months of prayer God spoke to us both audibly at the same time. Grace was in the kitchen, and I was in the bedroom on the opposite end of our home. Grace came running in the bedroom to tell me that God had spoken to her, and stunned, I told her that at the same moment He spoke to her, he also spoke to me. He told us both we were “released.” This word from the Lord led to the biggest faith step of our lives, as we did not know what was next but knew that a season of our life had ended and we needed to step out together in faith. In submission to the pastoral authority over us, we asked our overseers whether they agreed this was a word from God. They confirmed what God said. Without months of praying together and God supernat- urally answering this prayer, we would have been divided, and, as Jesus taught, our household would have fallen apart. Thankfully because of prayer, we were united and able to lead our five kids through an incredibly painful and difficult time. We are now in the holiest, happiest, and healthiest season of our lives, doing ministry together because God heard and answered our prayers.

Jesus prayed warfare prayers. In any battle a soldier must know how to handle their weapon properly. If not, they will be defeated and destroyed. The famous section of Scripture on spiritual warfare against the devil and demons ends by urging us to pray “at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep

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alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.” m Prayer is war. We learn this principle from Jesus. He spent forty days in prayer, and the devil showed up to attack Him. Do not be surprised when life gets more difficult at the same time your prayer life gets more devoted. How should we pray when we’re betrayed or hurt or confused or in great pain? Take a look at Jesus’ prayer:

“Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” n

When Jesus faced the cross, He took His pain to God in prayer. The more we are hurting, the more we need to be praying—not to dishonor God, Do not be surprised curse God, blame God, or disobey when life gets more God, but to present our pain to difficult at the same God as Jesus did. You can be honest with God. time your prayer life He’s God; He can take it. Tell gets more devoted. Him how you feel. “God, I’m troubled. I’m struggling right now. I’m hurting very badly.” It’s OK to say those things to God. Jesus did. Through prayer Jesus saw there was purpose in His pain. With the cross on the horizon, Jesus did not call out, “Get Me out of this!” He called out, “Get Me through this.”

m Ephesians 6:10–20 (quote is verse 18) n John 12:27–28

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Jesus prayed that He’d be betrayed well, that He’d be abandoned well, that He would suffer well, and that He would die well. It is not always God’s will to take our pain away, but it is always God’s will to conform us to the image of His Son through our pain. If you are hurting, suffering, or dying right now, make it your prayer to learn how to hurt, suffer, and die to the glory of God. Such prayers will increase your love for Jesus and appre- ciation for the pain He suffered in your place. And such prayers will help you respond to God and others with love and grace, It is not always God’s as Jesus did amid the pain of will to take our pain His crucifixion. away, but it is always Pray that God would keep you faithful as you walk through God’s will to conform your valley of the shadow of us to the image of His death. God was glorified even in Son through our pain. Christ’s sufferings, and He will be glorified in yours if you will pray to Him to get you through it. Sometimes prayer gets us around our troubles. Most of the time, prayer gets us through them.

Jesus prayed thankful prayers. In high school I (Ashley) went through a period of being frustrated that many of my plans weren’t working out, and I started to lose sight of what God was doing in the midst of it all. My mom lovingly challenged me to think back and remember all the ways God had blessed me in the past so that I could trust Him to do so again in the future. I started to write down God’s blessings on note cards. I had a note card for each day of the year, and for about two and a half years, I wrote one thing that I was thankful for each night before going to bed.

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I noticed my mindset slowly started to change as I became grateful instead of grouchy. Although I eventually stopped this specific practice, I go back to journaling a list of things I’m thankful for anytime I feel myself slip back into ungrateful- ness. I usually end up crying when I realize all that God has blessed me with, even though Sometimes prayer many of them are simple things gets us around our that I take for granted. troubles. Most of the Perhaps the most common prayer Jesus prayed was a prayer time, prayer gets of thanks. If you are interested in us through them. learning how to pray like Jesus, I (Mark) can think of no better prayer habit for you to begin with than to “give thanks in all circumstances.” o Here is one example from Jesus’ prayer life:

At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will.” p

In this instance Jesus is succinctly yet deeply thanking the Father for His gracious revelation of Himself to us. It is a worshipful prayer, a theological prayer, and an insightful prayer. But it is first and foremost a thankful prayer. Do you want to begin building momentum in your prayer life? Perhaps you ought to start by asking yourself, “What should I thank God for?” The answers to that question are endless, so get started and don’t stop. As you do that, it builds

o 1 Thessalonians 5:18 p Matthew 11:25–26

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hope, anticipation, and expectation inside you. It will make you a God seeker and a grace giver. And it will make prayer abound in your life. When I (Ashley) was little, the prayers we prayed most often were “thankful prayers.” We sought to celebrate God’s presence and provision in our lives and the lives of others. To this day the majority of our family dinners together contain this same habit that feeds the soul as the food nourishes our body.

Jesus prayed in song. The timing of Jesus’ death was the Jewish celebration of Passover. It was customary for those partaking in the Passover meal to conclude by singing Psalm 113–118 as a prayer. This practice had been passed down among God’s people from generation to generation. Mark 14:26 says that Jesus and His disciples “had sung a hymn.” A Bible commentator familiar with the Jewish custom explains: “It was customary to sing the Hallel antiphonally, one member of the table company chanting the text, and the others responding to each half verse with the shout of praise, ‘Hallelujah.’ Jesus took the words of these psalms as his own prayer of thanksgiving and praise. He pledged to keep his vows in the presence of all the people (Ps. 116:12–19); he called on the Gentiles to join in the praise of God (Ps. 117); and he con- cluded with a song of jubilation reflecting his steadfast confidence in his ultimate triumph: ‘I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord’ (Ps. 118:17). In the assurance that the rejected stone had been made the keystone by God’s action Jesus found a prophecy of his own death and exaltation . . . When Jesus arose to go to Gethsemane, Ps. 118 was on his lips. It provided an appropriate description of how God

55 Pray Like Jesus would guide his Messiah through distress and suffering to glory.”2 To prepare His followers for His death, Jesus led them in song as His way of praying as a group. Often we think of singing to God as worship, which it is. But singing to God is also prayer, as it takes the longings of our hearts and ver- balizes them with the words in our voices. The church father Augustine said, “With Psalms and hymns you pray to God.”3 Indeed, we pray individually, as Jesus did. And we pray in a group, as Jesus did, including singing songs as a form of prayer with the rest of God’s people in worship.

Jesus used His last breath to pray. One of the great honors of ministry is being invited into the most sacred moments of people’s lives. A pastor gets to visit a newborn baby and mother in the hospital, baptize a new believer, officiate the wedding of a loving couple, and sit at the deathbed of a person as they take their final breaths. Who people surround themselves with, what they do, and what they say in the last hours of their lives reveals a lot about who they are at the deepest level. In the Gospel of Mark we are given a summary of Jesus’ final hours before dying on the cross. Jesus spent the entire night in prayer all alone, as His disciples failed to join Him in prayer. Jesus was “greatly distressed and troubled,” saying, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death.” Seeking to process His coming pain, Jesus kept praying the same thing repeatedly: “Again he went away and prayed, saying the same words.” q Jesus was not only failed by His friends but also betrayed by His pretend friend, Judas Iscariot. Hanging on the cross, dying

q Mark 14:32–42 (Verses 33–34 and 39 are quoted.)

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for our sins, enduring the wrath of God, Jesus then said His final words, which were a prayer. “Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, ‘Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!’ And having said this he breathed his last.” r Before He died, the very last thing Jesus did was pray. The person who prays every day is always ready for their final day. Not only does prayer get us through this life, but it also gets us into the next life, where we see all our prayers answered forever.

Reflection

1. Do you have any fears or shame about prayer that you can confess to the Father? If so, what are they? 2. Describe your favorite way to pray (for example, silently, out loud, alone, in a group, journaling, singing). 3. Think about a good father you know and how they interact and converse with their child. What can you learn from them about talking with your Father through prayer? 4. Spend some time in prayer today, and before you do, invite the Holy Spirit to help you learn how to pray to God as Father from your heart. As you pray, thank Jesus that He intercedes for you and brings your prayers to the Father. 5. What thing do you struggle to trust God with in your life? Spend some time today discussing that

r Luke 23:46

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with the Lord, as well as discussing your fears about it with Him. 6. Do you usually rush through prayer or set aside specific time for it? If you need to set aside specific time, list it here. 7. Describe any big decisions or burdens that you can talk about with the Father.

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