THE NEVER-KNOWNS by RYAN GRAHAM
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THE NEVER-KNOWNS by RYAN GRAHAM HASKINS B.A. University of Central Florida, 2010 A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Fine Arts in the Department of English in the College of Arts and Humanities at the University of Central Florida Orlando, Florida Summer Term 2013 © 2013 Ryan Haskins ii ABSTRACT The Never-Knowns is a novel about a high-intensity behavioral group home for adults with severe to profound developmental disabilities, its residents, and the staff who are employed there. Focusing on plural protagonists, no single narrative is ever fully realized or resolved, leaving only a cryptic aggregate of experiences, revelations, and trauma. In a typical suburban neighborhood, much like any of us grew up in or now live, there is a house down the block that no one discusses openly. This house seems like all the rest, well landscaped and tidy. Although three times a day much coming and going of college-aged kids and ne’er-do-wells whispers of something covert, obscure. This house is many things to many people; a workplace, or home, or burden, or profit, or prison. An unfortunate, absurd one-act play echoes infinitely for those kept here. Constance is a thirty-something disabled woman who wakes every morning by sprinting nude in a wondrous fury toward the first person or thing she can destroy. Malcolm is a new staff member who snorts meth and masturbates in his car during shift breaks. Terry is a twenty-five year old deaf mute who believes his clothes dresser is God and always knows exactly how many feet are between him and every other place he’d rather be. Jake is a veteran staff member who has finalized his plans to take all the residents of the house deep into a forest and abandon them. Using disjointed, prolix, and often dissonant approaches to storytelling, The Never- Knowns seeks to convey the perspectives of developmentally disabled individuals who possess few or no language skills, and who are so far detached from their own existence that their iii understanding and interaction with the world is simultaneously grotesque, beautiful, and confounding. iv This work of fiction is dedicated to the sorrow and joy of places unknown and unseen. v ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I would like to acknowledge and thank the creative writing faculty of the University of Central Florida, specifically Martha Marinara, David James Poissant, and Pat Rushin. I would also like to thank with all my heart the individuals and co-workers with whom I have shared many wonderful and terrible years in various human service settings. Lastly, I would like to thank my family and friends for negotiating my varying moods and challenges during this lengthy and exhausting process, specifically Joshua Weidenhamer, who exists inside The Never- Knowns in spirit as much as I, and my brilliant and compassionate wife, Jaclyn Fishman. vi TABLE OF CONTENTS THE WARM SWIM MYSELF ............................................................................................................................... 1 PIÑATA! .................................................................................................................................................................... 2 FRANK ....................................................................................................................................................................... 4 IN THE WARM GREEN GRASS AND HEAT OF SUMMER PLACES ....................................................... 8 NIGHTSWIMMING ............................................................................................................................................. 14 TERRY W. DAILY SCHEDULE ......................................................................................................................... 33 BUILDING SOMETHING ................................................................................................................................... 34 NICK B. DAILY SCHEDULE .............................................................................................................................. 53 THE SPACE BETWEEN MY BRAIN AND MY SKULL .............................................................................. 54 BEHAVIOR PLAN FOR GRETCHEN RILEY ................................................................................................ 58 YOU, WAKE ........................................................................................................................................................... 76 ASS DOWN IN BLUE .......................................................................................................................................... 80 DRIVE BY ............................................................................................................................................................... 87 MAD ABOUT BEING BAD................................................................................................................................. 89 QUI NO LONGER ................................................................................................................................................. 95 CONSTANCE P. DAILY SCHEDULE ............................................................................................................. 101 THE EVERSPINNING WORLD ...................................................................................................................... 102 MARGARET M. DAILY SCHEDULE ............................................................................................................. 105 ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE LOST AND NOT HERE .......................................................................... 106 GRETCHEN R. DAILY SCHEDULE ............................................................................................................... 112 FUNNY WAKE UP FUNNY FUNNY DANCE.............................................................................................. 113 EVIDENCE OF PROTEST ................................................................................................................................ 116 SHIFT – HOUR 1 OF 16 ................................................................................................................................... 118 SELF-INJURIOUS BEHAVIOR (17 OF 81) ................................................................................................ 125 AT LIBERTY ........................................................................................................................................................ 127 A PRIMITIVE HEARTSICK PACK OF BEAUTIFUL JACKALS ............................................................. 135 LIBERATION (1 OF 1) ..................................................................................................................................... 136 THE NEVER-KNOWNS .................................................................................................................................... 145 RESTITUTION .................................................................................................................................................... 150 APPENDIX A: WRITING LIFE ....................................................................................................................... 160 vii APPENDIX B: READING LIST ....................................................................................................................... 166 viii THE WARM SWIM MYSELF i want to tear down a tree into the floor here hard and just there down moving at the top and into the dirt that i think is below dancing at the sun tear down so far i could become something else where i think dirt is hot or cold below down so far down so far they can’t reach me down below down so far they are afraid to follow maybe become water down so far i could cover myself my body hot or cold down below with the hot or cold dirt down below and slowly tear into myself and see nothing into my own warmth and not feel the spin and my blood would spill and settle and sleep until i am something else and in time become water i would become something else made warm or staying warm down so far i as water would climb slowly up down below to meet with warmth again maybe become something to give or share in it and slowly tear and i would settle and slowly climb at the foot of the spinning world up toward the warmth again and i could swim in myself and my hands and feet would sprout always and i become something left alone i would be the swim itself my heart and all something else i could be the warm swim myself 1 PIÑATA! Malcolm arrived for the first day of orientation at his new job way too soon after ending a two- day methamphetamine binge. Three days before, Friday, he had received the phone call informing him he had passed his drug test. He had managed to keep clean for the eight days prior to the urine test, which was easier for him that he thought it would be. Spending the weekend in a speed haze, he saw two shows, screwed his friend Erica twice, convinced another girl to blow him for three bumps in the bathroom of a gas station across the street from his favorite bar that didn’t have locks on the stall doors, only for him to be unable to get hard after giving her the bumps, ate only one apple and two bananas, smoked five packs of cigarettes and took two one hour naps. After a slim few hours of sleep Sunday night, he woke about 4:30 AM, showered, drove to Starbucks and waited in the parking lot for the drive-thru