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Unicorn Press VOLUMEONE General Audax; Honest Untbamba; Living Room With 6 Oppressions; A Splitting Headache; The Virgin and the Unicorn; lsland Copyright O 1970 by Oscar Mandel CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that all the plays in this volume, being fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including the Dominion of Canada, and all other countries of the Berne and Uni- versal Copyright Conventions, are subject to royalty. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion pictures, recitation, public reading, television, broadcasting, record- ing, and the rights of translation are strictly reserved. FOR AMATEUR RIGHTS:Address all inquiries concerning per- missions to Samuel French, Inc., 25 West 45th Street, New York, N.Y. 10036; 7623 Sunset Boulevard, Holly- wood, California 90046; or to Samuel French (Canada) Ltd., 27 Grenville Street, Toronto 5, Ontario, Canada. FOR PROFESSIONAL RIGHTS: Address all inquiries concerning permissions to Unicorn Press, 317 East de la Guerra Street, Santa Barbara, California 93101. Typography by Alan Brilliant Type-set in 11 Palatino Linotype by Achilles Friedrich Printed by Halliday Lithograph Corporation Library of Congress Catalogue Number 70-134738 Standard Book number 0-87775-000-9 Indede, into the worlde now must we to and fro, And where or how to rest I can nott say at all. General Audax was first published in Henry F. Salerno's First Stage: A Quarterly of New Drama. Living Room With 6 Oppressions appeared in the successor to this magazine, Drama and Theatre. An early version of Honest Urubamba was printed in The Literary Review, edited by Clarence R. Decker and Charles Angoff. Early versions of lsland and The Virgin and the Unicorn appeared respectively in The Massachusetts Review and The Minnesota Review. lsland has been performed in various places, among them Amherst, Smith College, Los Angeles City College, the California Institute of Technology, and the studios of station KPFK in Los Angeles. The Pacifica Network stations have repeatedly broadcast a production directed by John Houlton in which Harold Innocent, Barry Atwater, Harold Gould and David Ossman took the leading roles. The Virgin and the Unicorn was staged by Ted Roter at the Santa Monica Playhouse. Geneva1 Audax is based on Cervantes' La Numancia, supplemented by Appian's histories. Island derives from the Philoctetes of Sophocles. The Virgin and the Unicorn comes out of medieval legend. It will be apparent, however, that I have used my sources to take directions entirely my own. For the three "modern" plays in this volume - Honest Urubamba, Living Room With 6 Oppressions, and A Splitting Headache - I am not aware of any specific indebtedness. Besides, I have blithely fabled the facts I needed in any of these plays - turned Lemnos into a luxuriant island, made the War of the Gran Chaco contemporaneous with the United Nations, and invented a conflict between "Istria" and "Friuli," to name only these. On the other hand, I wish to thank my colleague Robert W. Oliver for providing me with the economic realities for A Splitting Headache; as I thank my wife who first brought La Numancia to my attention, and Henry Salerno who has opened the pages of his magazine to my work year after year. I owe a debt of gratitude, too, to the California Institute of Technology and the Andrew W. Mellon Fund for assistance in the preparation of this book for the press. 14 COLLECTEDPLAYS Numantians RETOGENES,Governor of Numantia CARAVINO,Vice-Governor AUDAX,General of the Numantian Army CONNOBA,his son AVARUSand other members of the Peace Party MARANDRO,a merchant JULIA, sister-in-law of Audax LIRA,a friend of the family MARCIUS,a citizen THREEGRAVEDIGGERS OFFICERS,SOLDIERS, CITIZENS Romans PUBLIUSCORNELIUS SCIPIO AEMILIANUS, Consul and General of the Army MAXIMUS,his brother BUTEO,his nephew POLYBIUS,historian and officer attached to Scipio MINUCIUS,in command of Scipio's private guard MUMMIUS,a slave on an Italian estate OFFICERS,LICTORS, SOLDIERS (Avilla in the Italian countryside. Night time and moonlight. A portico, a garden, a fountain, a few trees, shrubbery and flowers. Maranduo, an old man, is sitting quietly at a table under the portico, lit by a single candle. He is examining a ledger and other documents, occasionally picking at a grape from a bowl which has been placed on another low table within reach. A deeply peaceful scene. A slave, Mummius, enters pietly from within the house. He sets another bowl of fruit on the low table.) MUMMIUS. Excuse me, sir. MARANDRO. Mummius? MUMMIUS. Yes, sir. MARANDRO. It's SO dark where you stand, I can only see your voice. MUMMIUS. Shall I set another light on the table, sir? MARANDRO. NO no. MUMMIUS.My master has asked me to bring you more refreshments and to inquire whether you have any other wishes. MARANDRO. I don't wish anything else. I've t-t-told you, you can all go to sleep. I know the way to my room. But why hasn't old Audax come yet? MUMMIUS. He's our only night watchman, sir, and also he's a bit slow on his legs. MARANDRO.But he's sure to come? MUMMIUS. Absolutely sure, sir. You'll hear the jingling of the keys and him I'll bet humming one of his Spanish ditties. MARANDRO.Spanish ditties. Who'd believe it?. And you're sure it's General Audax? MUMMIUS.Oh yes, sir. We're very good friends, so of course I know. He's told us many stories about his glorious days in Numantia, how he led the war against Rome, and how he made Scipio himself tremble. MARANDRO. Hmm. MUMMIUS. Sometimes we don't believe a word of it. A decayed night watchman in Italy that was a Spanish general sitting at table with governors and ladies - prove it, we say, and he goes all red in the face. MARANDRO. It fits. MUMMIUS. Excuse me for asking, sir, but is that where you're from, Numantia? MARANDRO.Yes, that's where I was when the Romans t-t-took it. And I wasn't eating grapes that day, let me t-t-t-tell you. MUMMIUS.SO it's really true, sir? MARANDRO.What's really true? MUMMIUS.His having been the commander and all? MARANDRO.I don't know, my boy. All I know is that Audax was the name of our commander in chief. MUMMIUS.Excuse me for asking. MARANDRO. Well, that's aIl, Mummius. Go to bed, and te1I your master I'll be t-t-t-talking to him after I t-t-tour the estate in the morning. MUMMIUS. Very good, sir. Good night, sir. (He leaves) (Mavanduo sits back again, dreaming. Then he looks at the ledgev. His finger mavks the place) MARANDRO."Audax. Place of origir.: Numantia, Spain. Age: approxi- mately fifty-five." And that was seven years ago. (He sighs) "Pur- chased in fair health from the tribune Pomponius at Capua" and so on. It figures.. .Ah - there he must be. (We hear the keys and the humming, as pvomised, and then Audax appears, old but hale, lit by the lantevn he is carrying. He vanishes for a moment, and we hear him securing a door. Then he is seen again) MARANDRO.General Audax. AUDAX.Mummius? Never mind the general. I won that jug, and you'll Pay UP, young PUPPY. (Marandvo vises and shows himself. Audax is suvpvised) AUDAX.Beg your pardon, sir. I didn't know there were guests at the house. Wait - was it you? - did you call me General Audax? MARANDRO.I did. You don't know me, but I know you. Or do you recognize me? Numantia, eighteen years ago, AUDAX (with extreme astonishment). Numantia! (He lifts the lantern up to look at Mauandvo, whom he inspects close and long) Were you in the troops? Yes, one of my officers.. MARANDRO. NO. I was a merchant. Of course, I only knew you from a distance. AUDAX. A merchant. And you survived. MARANDRO.Like you. AUDAX. Like me? MARANDRO.Well, not exactly. But I survived. AUDAX. HOWdid you know I was here? MARANDRO.I didn't know. I happened to see your name in the ledger of slaves. And I d-d-decided to wait for you and see for myself. Hey! To think I'm t-t-talking to our c-c-commander! AUDAX.A commander who locks up stables. MARANDRO. Sit down, old man, sit down beside me. On a chair, by God. AUDAX (hesitant). On a chair? MARANDRO.That's right. Everybody's asleep in the house. And I don't f-f-fuss about etiquette. I'm a b-b-businessman. AUDAX.All right. But I can't stay long. I'm the night watchman here. MARANDRO.I know. AUDAX.What's your name again? MARANDRO.Marandro. AUDAX.Marandro. No, I don't think I knew you. How did you manage to save your skin, Marandro? MARANDRO.Well - to tell you the truth - on the day we f-f-found out about you - you know - AUDAX.Speak up, merchant: on the day I defected, say it and don't quibble. MARANDRO. Well, on the day you went over, I said to myself, I said "Marandro, you're not going to die either." So I moved myself to an abandoned shack in a lot, and when people began to k-k-kill themselves like it was the end of the world, and the Romans c-c-came in, I k-k-kept quiet and waited. AUDAX.And here you are, eighteen years later, a guest on the noble if crumbling estate of Quintus Pompeius Aulus.

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