One-For-One Directions

One-for-One Directions

CONTENTS

Guidelines One-for-One cycles, finding partners, and maintaining record 2

Notes Some things to notice when doing One-for-One 3

One-for-One Summary A quick reference summary of a One-for-One cycle 4

Detailed Instructions for a One-for-One cycle An in-depth guide through a One-for-One cycle 6

DOCUMENTS

The following is a list of the documents you will need for One-for-One:

• One-for-One Directions • One-for-One Record Log • Worksheet Packet for a One-for-One Cycle (containing the following documents) o One-for-One Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet (JYNW) o One-for-One Follow Up Exercise o One-for-One Self-Evaluation

The following are reference documents for One-for-One:

• Katie’s Comments About Filling in the One-for-One JYNW • Sample JYNW for Resolution One-for-One

These documents can be found at www.instituteforthework.com. While logged in, you may click on “One-for- One” under the ITW Resources menu and download there. Please direct all questions regarding One-for-One or the Certification Program to [email protected].

GUIDELINES

The One-for-One program consists of a cycle of eight sessions in which you work with a partner to support each other by exchanging facilitations on JYNWs, reciprocating guidance in giving and receiving feedback, and identifying underlying motives. You will find instructions for the eight sessions below in Detailed Instructions for a One-for-One cycle.

Each month, you will be paired with a new partner through our automated system; without repeat and by pairing for-credit with for-credit participants only. Non-credit will be paired with non-credit participants. You may also search for a partner in the One-for-One Forum. Partners meet for sessions by phone, Skype, or in person, and times are to be determined by mutual availability.

Each of the eight sessions is given one hour of credit toward certification. Certified Facilitator candidates are required to complete a total of 160 hours of credit in the One-for-One program, which equals twenty One-for- One cycles. One-for-One also requires that you spend time outside of the one-hour sessions writing JYNWs, Follow-Up Exercises, a Self-Evaluation, maintaining your Record Logs, doing The Work on what comes up for you, and sitting in silent meditation. All is integral to One-for-One.

Each One-for-One cycle must be completed within the course of one month from the start date, as often as you’d like, completing at least one session with your partner each week. You are not required to do a One-for- One cycle every month, however, if you wish to do more than one cycle of One-for-One per month, you are welcome to do this with a separate partner (credit is not awarded when partners are repeated).

All One-for-One sessions must be recorded on the One-for-One Record Log to receive credit. If you are unable to complete all eight sessions of a One-for-One cycle for any reason, it will not count as a complete cycle, and you will not receive credit for the hours you completed. It is your responsibility to retain all of your One-for-One JYNWs, Follow-Up Exercises and Record Logs. (If you lose any of these records, start over with what you have.) You must bring them to the Seven-day Certification Graduate Course to receive One-for-One credit.

NOTES

As a Facilitator

As facilitator, be a student rather than a teacher. Remember that facilitating is for your enlightenment as you support your client. Really listen as your client responds to the four questions and shares their turnarounds and examples. Notice your own answers as they surface and fill the silence in you. Notice your own discoveries and internally witness your client’s as well.

We stunt our own growth, and that of our client, when we give unnecessary, unsolicited advice and assume that is what the client needs. Notice when you want to give advice, and realize that the advice is for you. Silently feel what it’s like to realize what you want your partner to realize.

It is your job as facilitator to gently guide the client back to inquiry any time they defend, justify, or argue for or against the concept being worked. Notice when they attempt to persuade you with philosophies that override inquiry. Remind them (through your own understanding) that The Work works when they answer the questions, then begin your facilitation again where you left off.

As a Client

Notice when you stray from inquiry and begin to crosstalk. Remember that The Work works when you answer the questions deeply, slowly, and authentically. Your answers are the power of The Work. Defense, justification, and making assumptions are not answers. It is your job to let your partner know that you want The Work, not therapy, chit-chat, or advice. Be clear, fearless, and genuine.

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ONE-FOR-ONE SUMMARY

The following summary of a One-for-One cycle is simply for quick reference. Detailed Instructions for a One-for- One cycle are found on pages six through ten below.

Session One

• client reads original JYNW, completed before the session • facilitator completes a JYNW of concepts identified from client’s Worksheet • facilitator makes an audio recording of the session • each partner completes a Follow-Up Exercise, after the session • each partner records 1 hour in the One-for-One Record Log

Session Two

• each partner reads their Follow-Up Exercise from the previous session • client reads original JYNW, completed before the session • facilitator completes a JYNW of concepts identified from client’s Worksheet • facilitator makes an audio recording of the session • each partner completes a Follow-Up Exercise, after session • each partner records 1 hour in the One-for-One Record Log

Session Three

• each partner reads their Follow-Up Exercise from the previous session • client reads the original JYNW, completed before the session • facilitator completes a JYNW of concepts identified from client’s Worksheet • facilitator makes an audio recording of the session (if the first recording was unsuccessful) • each partner completes a Follow-Up Exercise, after the session • each partner records 1 hour in the One-for-One Record Log

Session Four

Session Five

• each partner completes a solitary Self-Evaluation, using the audio recording of their facilitation • each partner records 1 hour in the One-for-One Record Log

Session Six

• each partner reads their Follow-Up Exercise from Session Four • both partners discuss their Self-Evaluation • each partner completes a Follow-Up Exercise, after the session • each partner records 1 hour in the One-for-One Record Log

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Session Seven

• each partner reads their Follow-Up Exercise from the previous session • both partners read original JYNWs, based on each other, completed before the session • complete a Resolution One-for-One Exercise (see Detailed Instructions below) • each partner completes a Follow-Up Exercise, after the session • each partner writes a letter of amends (if amends are found) • each partner records 1 hour in the One-for-One Record Log

Session Eight

• each partner reads their Follow-Up Exercise from the previous session • complete a Resolution One-for-One Exercise (partners switch roles) • each partner completes a Follow-Up Exercise, after the session • each partner writes a letter of amends (if amends are found) • each partner records 1 hour in the One-for-One Record Log • schedule time to read your last Follow-Up Exercise and any amends letters to each other.

Total hours logged: 8

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DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS FOR A ONE-FOR-ONE CYCLE

Before Session One

You will need to make an audio recording of a session. Here are some options:

• Using your telephone: you may set up a free conference call line with recording capability at www.freeconferencecall.com (long distance charges apply). • Using Skype: You may obtain a Skype recorder for your computer. o For a Mac go to www.ecamm.com/mac/callrecorder ($19.95 as of Feb 2010) o For a PC go to www.skyperec.com/index.htm ($14.95 as of Feb 2010) • In person: You may use a recording device.

Always inform the client you are working with that the session is being recorded.

Contact your partner and set up a date and time for Session One. Determine who will be the client and who will be the facilitator. The client will bring a completed One-for-One JYNW to the first session.

Session One

The client brings a completed One-for-One JYNW to the session. The facilitator brings a blank One-for-One JYNW. Each partner fills in the top right hand box on his or her own Worksheet, making sure the start and end times match and are entered in Pacific Time (PT).

The facilitator starts an audio recording of the session, and is responsible for keeping the recording for use in Session Five.

The client reads their JYNW, and the facilitator listens and writes down concepts that they identify from the client. The facilitator writes these on his or her own blank JYNW.

Facilitator: As you listen to the client read their JYNW, identify the one-liners/judgments that you hear. You don’t need to write all of them down, just write the ones that you find simple, to the point, universal, and easy to facilitate. This exercise is about learning, through experience, how to hear the simple concepts that are blocking the client. Write the concepts down without interrupting the client, and get to the main concepts and issues as solidly as possible. (There is more information about this in Katie’s Comments About Filling in the JYNW.)

The facilitator then facilitates the client on the concepts he/she has identified, remaining open if the client wishes to do The Work on a different concept from their JYNW, or if the client corrects the wording or meaning of the concept. Use the sub-questions from the Facilitation Guide when appropriate. At the end of the one-hour session, both partners circle the concepts that were worked.

Confirm with each other the date and time of your next session.

Immediately after the session, each partner completes a One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise. Do this exercise in silence, on your own, and without delay. Give yourself time to answer the questions honestly.

You may take the one-liners from your Follow-Up Exercise to a One-for-One JYNW (to be used when it’s your turn to be the client). You may also take the one-liners to any of the following: a One-Belief-at-a-Time Worksheet, a Round Robin session, another facilitator, the Do The Work Helpline, or quiet, silent meditation. One-for-One credit hours will not be counted for these additional options.

After Session One is complete:

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• The client has completed a One-for-One JYNW. • The facilitator has completed a One-for-One JYNW containing concepts the facilitator identified from the client. • Each partner has completed a One-for-One Follow-up Exercise to be read at the beginning of the next session. • Each partner records the session time in the One-for-One Record Log, using the same start and end times that were recorded on the One-for-One JYNW. The session is given 1 hour of credit.

Session 2

Session Two is the same as Session One except for two things:

1. Partners switch roles as client and facilitator. The new facilitator makes an audio recording of the session and keeps it for use in Session Five. 2. The session begins with both partners reading to each other the One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise that they completed at the end of Session One. Do this without cross talk, discussion, defense, justification, or additional words. Complete this exchange with “thank you”.

Between Sessions Two and Three, each partner checks to see that their audio recording was successful.

Sessions Three and Four

Sessions Three and Four are the same as Sessions One and Two. Each session begins with both partners reading—without cross talk, discussion, defense, justification, or additional words—the One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise that they wrote at the end of the previous session. The partner who was the facilitator in the previous session is the client in the current session.

After Sessions One through Four are complete, each partner has:

• been a facilitator twice • been a client twice • completed two JYNWs of their own Work • completed two JYNWs of the concepts they identified from their partner • completed four Follow-Up Exercises (three pairs of Follow-Up Exercises have been read) • made an audio recording of him or herself as facilitator • logged 4 hours in the One-for-One Record Log.

Session Five

Session Five is a Self-Evaluation. In this session each partner, alone, listens to the complete audio recording he/she made when they were the facilitator and answers the questions in the One-for-One Self Evaluation.

No Follow-Up Exercise is completed for Session Five.

Each partner records the session in the One-for-One Record Log. You may indicate “Self-Evaluation” under “Name of Partner,” and leave “Your Role” blank or indicate N/A. This session is given 1 hour of credit.

Session Six

In Session Six, both partners first read—without cross talk, discussion, defense, justification, or additional words—the One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise that they wrote at the end of Session Four.

Then, both partners read and discuss the Self-Evaluation they completed in Session Five. Discuss thoroughly

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with your partner, without justifying or defending, what you learned about yourself, your facilitation skills, your underlying motives, etc. Ask your partner for one-liners, for example, “What didn’t work for you in our sessions?” If there is time left in the session, do inquiry on any of the one-liners you identified. You may take any un-worked one-liners to inquiry on your own after the session.

Immediately after the session, each partner completes a One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise, just as they did at the end of the first four sessions. Each partner records the session in the One-for-One Record Log, using the same start and end times. You may leave “Your Role” blank or indicate N/A. This session is given 1 hour of credit.

After Session Six is complete, each partner has logged a total 6 hours, and each has an unread One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise. (You are not required to keep your Self-Evaluation answers.)

Session Seven

Sessions Seven and Eight are called Resolution One-for-One. Before Session Seven, both partners complete One-for-One JYNWs based on each other, and bring the Worksheets to the session.

Write your JYNW on your partner, based on what you have experienced with them in One-for-One. We invite you to review the document Sample JYNW for Resolution One-for-One.

Session Seven begins with both partners reading—without cross talk, discussion, defense, justification, or additional words—the One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise they wrote at the end of Session Six.

Each partner then reads their entire One-for-One JYNW to the other—without cross talk, discussion, defense, justification, or additional words—allowing time for their partner to take in each concept. Speak directly to your partner, using first and second person pronouns (i.e. I, you).

Listener: Stay silent as you listen to your partner’s concepts about you and write them on your blank One-for-One JYNW. Relax into it, feel it, be still. Experience your emotions and continue to write. Notice any tendency to justify or defend. Stop, listen, and continue to feel your emotions instead. Comment only with “thank you.”

After both of your Worksheets have been read to each other, decide who will be the client first and who will be the facilitator.

Facilitator: Include these sub-questions with question number three:

o “How do you treat me/others when you believe that thought?” o “What are your relationships like when you believe that thought?”

As you facilitate, notice your reactions to your partner’s answers. Feel your feelings and emotions and allow them to live, allow them to flow through you, allow even tears. Be breathed and continue to listen in silence while they answer.

At the end of the one-hour session, go to a quiet place and sit in silence for a minimum of ten minutes.

Afterward, complete a One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise. Also write an amends letter (if amends are found) and read the letter to your partner within three days, without crosstalk, allowing only “thank you” and your emotions to be enough. If your partner should read a letter of amends to you, again, allow “thank you” and your unfiltered emotions to be enough. (This may be done through emails if necessary.)

Each partner records the session in the One-for-One Record Log, using the same start and end times recorded

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on the One-for-One JYNW. This session is given 1 hour of credit.

Session Eight

Session Eight is the completion of Resolution One-for-One. It is the same as Session Seven, except that the partners switch roles. (The new client uses the One-for-One JYNW that they completed based on their partner before Session Seven, and the new facilitator uses the JYNW that they completed while they were the listener in Session Seven.)

At the beginning of Session Eight, both partners read—without cross talk, discussion, defense, justification, or additional words—the One-for-One Follow-Up Exercise they wrote at the end of Session Seven. Then, follow the directions in Session Seven (above), starting from the instructions for Facilitator.

After Session Eight is complete:

Set a time with your partner to complete the One-for-One cycle after Session Eight. During this final call or meeting, both partners read to each other—without cross talk, discussion, defense, justification, or additional words—the final Follow-Up Exercise they wrote at the end of Session Eight and any amends letter (if amends were found). No time will be logged or credited for this last Follow-Up Exercise reading.

Total hours logged by each partner for a complete One-for-One cycle: 8

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