The Game Rules for Life E-Book Version Copyright © 2000 by Doug Kelley All Rights Reserved
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
E-Book Version Principles in the Art of Living How to Find Meaning in Life Doug Kelley The Game Rules for Life E-Book Version Copyright © 2000 by Doug Kelley All Rights Reserved Doug Kelley is Professional Speaker, Trainer, Author, Consultant, and Coach who helps business professionals excel in Assertive Communication Skills, Assertive Leadership Skills, Assertive Team Skills, and Assertive Customer Service. Doug is also the Founder of Empowered Recovery, a unique self-help program for the friends and family of alcoholics. Presented by Kelley Training Systems, Inc. Empowering the Human Spirit Website Information: www.DougKelley.com www.LifeLeadershipInstitute.org www.EmpoweredRecovery.com Original Print Version Published with Help From SevenEyes Publications (804) 261-0881 http://7eyes.faithweb.com/vsm.html ISBN: 0-9671223-1-7 First Printing 500 Copies, June 2000 To order a printed copy, please visit www.LifeLeadershipInstitute.org - 1 - Dedication To my wife, Tracy, for her support, inspiration and discussions of the deep things of life; To my son, Michael, who has braved a difficult journey; To my parents, Dick and Varonna Kelley, who raised me to respect life and appreciate higher human vir- tues; To Sal and Debbie Balderrama, who mentored me through difficult years and whom I am proud to call friends. To Howard Rovig, who had a greater positive impact on me than he probably realizes. Acknowledgements I would like to make special acknowledgement to my best friend and wife, Tracy, for her insightful and signif- icant contribution to this work. She studiously and tirelessly helped through the editing process, for which I am also grateful. I thank Audrey Gross and Joan Layne for their valuable comments as well as allowing me to use their stories to anchor my points on Childhood Guilt and Visualizing, respectively. In addition, I thank Harlan Vall for al- lowing me to use his essay on righteous indignation. I also want to thank Carol Mahler Leonard, Nancy Hall, Marian Farrell and Estelle Tobin, as well as many oth- er acquaintances and friends for giving me valuable input on my concepts. I have made an honest effort to ascertain the source of the very few stories and many quotes that were not my own. Any unattributed quotes or stories are inadvertent and unintentional. Changes, if necessary, will be made with the next revision. Unless Otherwise Noted, All Word Definitions Taken From: Merriam-Webster's Collegiate® Dictionary, Tenth Edition Copyright © 1994 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Scriptural Citations Are Taken From: The Holy Bible: New International Version ® (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 By International Bible Society. New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures (NWT) Copyright © 1961, 1981 1984 By Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania and International Bible Students Association - 2 - Contents Introduction: .......................................................................................................................... 5 Section 1: Life Rules Life Rule 1: "Discover Creation and Find Fulfillment in the Process"......................... 7 A Beautiful Game Rule • Discovering Your Purpose and Meaning in Life • A Plan for Living • Our Life Vision • Creating Your Own Plan for Living • The Difference Between the "Meaning of Life," and "Our Purpose in Life" Life Rule 2: "Leave the Woodpile Higher than You Found It" ...................................... 13 The Power of a Positive Contribution to Humankind • The Ownership Attitude SECTION 2: GAME RULES Game Rule 1: Free Will-The Greatest Gift! ...................................................................... 15 Free Will Has Limits • Free Will and Individual Rights • Free Will and the Issue of Control • Acceptance Means Release Means Bliss • When We Encounter Resistance to Our Free Will Game Rule 2: Building Character Through Adversity ................................................. 22 Managing Our Adversity • When Our Problems Consume Us • Sample Focus List • When We Cannot Help Ourselves • Adversity Builds Character • Finding Meaning in Our Suffering Game Rule 3: Get Rid of Guilt & Shame! ........................................................................ 30 Guilt, Shame and Self-Worth • "If Only…" • Guilt Over Childhood Mistakes, Trials and Abuse • Guilt and Shame Motivation • How to Get Rid of the Guilt Game Rule 4: Life-An Exercise in Futility? ...................................................................... 39 The Human Need to Avert Futility • How to Understand and View Futility • Futility Is Futile • Is Death the Ultimate Futility? Game Rule 5: The Art of Living ........................................................................................ 43 The Choice Is Ours • Show Respect for Life • The Delightful Things of Life • Finding Peace • Re- solve to Really Live! • Contemplating the Art of Living Game Rule 6: Show True Mercy to Others ...................................................................... 49 True Mercy Is Active • Mercy vs. Righteous Indignation, Self-Righteousness and Judgmentalism • Things Aren't Always What They Seem • Empathy as a Show of Mercy • Poem: Saints and Sinners Game Rule 7: The Nature of Success ................................................................................ 58 What Success Is and What it Is Not • One of Life's Greatest Lessons • Characteristics of Success • It Is Never Too Late to Start - 3 - Game Rule 8: Getting and Staying Motivated ................................................................ 66 How to Find and Keep Your Motivation—Eight Ways to Get Motivated Game Rule 9: Gaining Momentum .................................................................................. 70 Facts and Lessons on Momentum • The Law of Momentum • What Goes Up Doesn't Necessarily Have to Come Down Game Rule 10: The 180 Principle-A Contrarian Approach to Problem-Solving …. 74 Thinking Contrarian • Creative Problem-Solving • Use the 180 Principle to "Paradox It!" Game Rule 11: Easy Come, Easy Go-Developing a New Money Attitude ............... 79 Making Ends Meet (Or Overlap) • On Investing • Wealth Without Greed • How to Change Your Money Attitude Game Rule 12: Greatness to Deliver ................................................................................. 84 The Characteristics of Greatness • Delivering Your Own Greatness About Doug Kelley ............................................................................................................... 89 About Kelley Training Systems, Inc. ................................................................................ 89 - 4 - INTRODUCTION "Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink. Some come to gargle." —Author Unknown AS I have made my voyage through life, I have often been amazed at how many folks seek desperately to get ahead, but fail again and again. They ache inside from undergoing continual problems, or feel that their lives are meaningless. Finding meaning in life seems to be in short supply in our world. Viktor Frankl, in his book, Man's Search For Meaning, 1 noted this when he wrote, "Clinics are crowded with people suffering from a new kind of neu- rosis, a sense of total and ultimate meaninglessness of life." This is truly unfortunate, because one of the great- est cures to that which distresses us is finding meaning in our lives. Even with the search for meaning being in such high demand and adoration, it has escaped many people. But I ask, "Why does this have to be?" Beyond uncontrollable events, I just don't believe that we must al- ways have to deal with adversity, which can rob us of our life's meaning. I believe that we can refine ourselves so that, more often than not, we win and therefore suffer fewer problems. It is my objective with this writing to help those who are looking to avoid needless suffering and find rich meaning in their lives. As I grappled with finding meaning in my own life, I felt that if God would just provide some answers, then I could be so much happier. Consequently, I read many books and considered every aspect of creation in an effort to search out life's grand meaning. I discovered several things, one being that finding meaning in life is an art and skill—it takes time, experience and applying what we learn. I also came to accept that there are certain rules—game rules—that one must know if he or she is to get the most out of life. Due to facing the inherent problems that life brings, I came to formulate two principles which I call "Life Rules." I believe these Life Rules are crucial to finding more meaning in life. They are: • Uncover/Discover the Things Hidden In and Through Creation; and Find Personal Enjoyment and Ful- fillment in the Process. • Leave the Woodpile a Little Higher Than You Found It. Once I developed these Life Rules, I delved even deeper. I sought out the reasons why these Life Rules were pertinent; what made them acceptable; how they could be applied in life. I then used each Life Rule as a basis to develop other relevant topics. I call these expanded topics, "Game Rules," which cover many of life's most pressing issues. Many aspects of each Game Rule interlace, and complement other Game Rules. The common thread that runs through this entire book is finding meaning, freedom and greatness in our lives. It is all about the choices that are available to us. It is about setting new boundaries, as well as about finding success in every aspect of our lives. I have candidly and honestly addressed different life issues. I have endeavored to present only ways