Thursday 4 March 2004 Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1077

barefTHE UNIVERSITYaa OF SURREYcts STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

IN THIS WEEK ’ S PAPER SAFE AS HOUSES ENTRATERRESTRIAL Matt Adams gives With some great films on THE BIG VOTE | Graphs showing all the you the low down on terrestrial TV this week, Neil results from the sabb elections | page 2 everything you need to Boulton gives you previews of FOOD | Cori Powley with some bright ideas for your tasty leftovers | page 5 know about off campus them all, so you don’t even need SOCIETIES | Hassaan Touheed on the house hunting. to go out to have fun! Pakistan Students’ Association | page 8 Accommodation | page 6 Union | page 7 All Change at USSU BY PHIL HOWARD & SARAH BUTTERWORTH the week by the over-zealous campus NEWS EDITOR & EDITOR IN CHIEF cleaners, who despite having been told to leave up campaign posters until Friday THE RESULTS OF the elections held over the 27th, removed any poster not on the new last few weeks for the sabbatical positions white boards before anyone had even had at the union were announced on Friday to a a chance to see them. This caused many nervous audience. So without further ado: problems with candidates, and resulted in an President: Hash Alsaidi extension to their posters budgets due to the VP Communications: Catherine Lee cast number which were removed during the VP Education & Welfare: Ewan Panter two weeks. VP Postgraduate Affairs: Rachel Appleyard Most of the positions went to second and VP - Societies & Culture: Simon Nutbrown third stages, where the candidate with the VP - Sports: David Glossop least votes is eliminated and their voters’ 1905 people voted, less than a fifth of the [2] votes are considered, continuing until student populous of Surrey, but almost 900 there is one candidate remaining. The fight more than previous years. In recent years, for President ran closest, with 688 votes the candidates have been well known to the against 714 in the final stage. Also close union, and have planned their campaigns were the battles for Comms (639 vs 475 well in advance. This year, however, there after 3 stages) and Ed & Welfare (630 vs 450 have been many last-minute applications, after 4 stages). Only VP Sports went through the sabbatical team 2004-5 | photo: chris hunter and many from those not well known to the immediately, with 880 taking more than half union. As a result, those that were expected the ballot papers. to win by many students have lost, resulting The count started almost on time at 1pm in a huge backlash on the union bulletin on Friday afternoon, and continued until board (bb.ussu.co.uk). 8pm. The Sabbatical election results were Boycott Backlash The main point of contention has been the announced at around 6.40pm to a packed position of President; the favourite was Jay Chancellors, noticeably divided into LAST WEEK SAW the beginning of the Students agreed to fully support industrial Butcher, well known as Union Chairperson, various campaign teams and with many of Association of University Teachers’ action by the AUT, on the grounds that and from his GU2 radio shows, who has the elections being close, there were some industrial action over pay. Beginning with badly paid lecturers lead to lower quality intended to run for president since he arrived obvious disappointments. The successful a strike, the action is ‘working to rule’ - education. Last Wednesday saw a ‘day at university. However, the campaign of candidates were then almost immediately lecturers are refusing to mark coursework, of action’, when the AUT strike and an Hashim (Hash) Alsaidi won the position, whisked off to a meal with the Vice and thereby creating disruption across the NUS led country-wide protest were held and there has been much discontent as a Chancellor, current Sabbatical Team and country. Worst hit, however, have been simultaneously. At Surrey, however, there result. Another surprise was the election various members of University and Union the students of these lecturers - despite was no ‘campus shutdown’, and few students of Rachel Appleyard, an undergraduate, staff. Later in the evening they were also much sympathy for the lecturers and their realised that any action was going on. The over Diane Carter, a postgraduate, for announced on stage in the Main Union situation, the students feel they are being action includes boycotts of call-out cover, the position of VP Postgraduate Affairs. in traditional style, though without the unfairly punished. Kirsten Green, student job evaluation exercises, staff-appraisal Traditionally few postgraduates vote in customary rendition of Queen’s “We are the at Aberystwyth, has been told that some of schemes and cover for absent colleagues, the union elections, as they feel somewhat Champions”. her results will be delayed: “I was hoping and is ‘set to last indefinitely’, according to removed from the undergraduate world that The current Sabbatical team remain in to start applying for jobs this summer, so the BBC. The UCEA has accused the AUT the union is immersed in. The position of post for another four months, and will this is likely to disrupt that. A lot of students of scaremongering. Surrey has seen little of PG Affairs is a new one this year, meant to begin an intensive handover period with the supported the lecturer when they went on the action, mainly because the AUT is one bridge that gap. Many voted on principle Sabbatical Election from June 7th. The new strike last week over better pay. But the of several unions to which lecturers can that a postgraduate should fill the post, but team will begin their year in office on 1st marking boycott is going to affect us more. belong, and the AUT’s members are mainly in the event, Rachel was elected in. Look out June 2004. We’ve received very little information about at the older universities, not ‘red brick’ for a feature on the postgraduate situation in barefacts would like to welcome the new how long this is going to last.” institutions like Surrey. This has resulted in next week’s barefacts. team, and looks forward to working with In general, students have been supportive a few students being hit by the action, whilst There was much upset caused during them next year. of the lecturers, and the National Union of most students are unaware of the situation. vote spike [1] for an unforgettable experience - weeks 8-10 2 THE BIG VOTE 4 March 2004

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4 The Big Vote Results Editor in Chief Sarah Butterworth President vice President communications comms @ussu.co.uk

Editor Chris Ward cs21cw @surrey.ac.uk

Deputy Editor Neil Christie ms33nc @surrey.ac.uk

Deputy Editor Ben Berryman ma91bb vice President education & welfare vice President postgraduate affairs @surrey.ac.uk

Music Editor Matt Badcock ms01mb @surrey.ac.uk

Music Editor Jon Allen bs21ja @surrey.ac.uk

Film Editor Neil Boulton cs21nb @surrey.ac.uk vice President societies & culture vice President sports

Theatre Editor Daisy Clay ps21dc @surrey.ac.uk

Literature Editor Jennifer Walker ph21jw @surrey.ac.uk

News Editor Philip Howard ph02ph @surrey.ac.uk Elected to represent Surrey students at the NUS Annual Conference at Easter were: Jay Butcher (delegate leader), Ewan Panter, Chris Hunter Muddassar M Najib, Sarah Butterworth, Natalie Cropp & Neil Christie. For a more detailed breakdown of the Sports Editor sabbatical results, visit the USSU Bulletin Board at http://bb.ussu.co.uk and click on the Students’ Union section. Peter Nichols cs11pn barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the University @surrey.ac.uk of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. AGMs & notices

CONTRIBUTORS The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do not Christian Union AGM | 8.15pm | 4th March | Tree Top in Wates House necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Matt Adams Dina Mystris Mah Jong Society | Thursday 11th March | 18:00 | Union Committee room Helen Blunn Louise O’Neill Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole Jonathan Darzi Melanie Perkins or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission OFU | Wednesday 10th March | 19:00 | Media Centre Corin Douieb Cori Powley of the publisher beforehand. Scott Farmer KAte Sobczak All submissions must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Orthodox Society | Saturday 20th March | 12:30 | Lady Chapel Matt Fisher Richard Sharp Submission is no guarantee of publication (Guildford Cathedral) Chris Hunter Sandeep Sohal Susannah Joughin Chris Thomson Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will not be published. Catherine Lee Laura Tomlin Shea-Maine Lee Hassaan Touheed submit your articles online... barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. Carol Main Arvind Virdee

[email protected] | WWW.USSU.CO.UK Design & Layup: Sarah Butterworth © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2004 email barefacts Pete Nichols | Ben Berryman Neil Christie Printed by Sharman and Co. Printers: @ussu.co.uk Peterborough | Tel: 01733 424949 4 March 2004 LETTERS & COMMENT 3 Letters to barefacts Letters must be received by 12pm on the Friday before publication to be published in the next newspaper. | Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected]

Dear barefacts, all about: image, advertising, and how Dear barefacts, something against us, we do start to much you can get away within the election wonder? We start to think whether the In relation to an article that was printed in rules. You can do almost anything illegal We are writing to show our concerns supposedly higher status departments, such Barefacts a couple of weeks ago regarding you want to grab peoples attention, as long regarding the BA Dance course. We as Engineering, get the same treatment as what was to be the imminent bombarding as you dont do it more than 3 times, as are ‘fed up’ of what is now a regular us or once again does the battle to prove of campus with sabbatical posters and thats what people will remember when they occurrence, that our lessons have been that dance is just as important to the banners, I have one thing to say. It works. go to the voting box. regularly cancelled due to poor heating. university begin again? If every single candidate had the same However I have read the manifestos, Every week we attend lessons to fi nd that election manifesto, who would win? In including our new presidents. Apparently the Dance Studio and Main Hall fl oors are YOURS SINCERELY, the democracy of the University of Surrey were going to be in for some much better unsuitably cold, which can cause injury to THE BA 2 DANCE STUDENTS Students Union it would be the person union nights next year. Wasnt top on my all dance students if danced on. who put up the most amounts of posters list of priorities, but hey I wont say no Surrey is highly regarded for its well- screaming ‘Vote [1] for me’. So how to to some better acts and better facilities, established dance course, however we feel combat this? How could our Union make although I didn’t think the union was just a this is not refl ected in the constant problems sure that it wasn’t posters that won? I nightclub... we are faced with. This has been an got something to say? then you know, lets give them a telling off if they Meanwhile, I’ve already made a mental ongoing problem throughout our fi rst and do - actually 3 tellings off and then they’re note that next February when this all starts second years and we are reaching a point have two weeks left to get your disqualifi ed. But that wont really be again to take out shares in paper, printers where our course is becoming a joke! We necessary. Surely people who vote would & blue tac. Its been proved to be a winning have had two assessments cancelled due letters in to barefacts 2003-4. have read the candidates manifesto and/or combination. to the lack of warmth in the Main Hall and attended Question Time to actually see the Dance Studio and feel this is unacceptable. email your letter to the barefacts person they’re voting for in action? YOURS SINCERELY, Each week classes are cancelled, It dawned on me fully for the fi rst time as GEORGINA MICKLEWRIGHT complaints are made, yet still nothing is crew at [email protected] I sat in Chancellors listening to the results UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT done to help our situation. being read out, as to what politics is really Does Estates and Buildings have Vote [1] For... Nah, only kidding!

BY SUSANNAH JOUGHIN 26 votes, it was obviously a very close started on 10 am on the Monday of the of campaigns? Also do they have the right election. Secondly, there was a lot more fi rst week, with everything having to be to restrict campaigning in this way? I The Union Sabbatical elections….yes you willingness and enthusiasm to vote. This taken down by 2pm of the Friday of the would be very interested to see whether can all breathe a huge sigh of relief because is an excellent improvement, because after second week – hardly a long period of time anyone from the university staff writes in to they are over for another year! You can all all, these are the people that are going to be to put up with posters around campus is respond and explain why this was done. I once again walk around campus, safe in running your students’ union. Finally this it really?!? Third, the university (along am a student at this university and I would the knowledge that you are not going to get year saw a huge increase on the number with other universities) complain that they like this explained to me. Rant over! accosted by various people shouting “vote of postgraduates voting. Could this have need funding to survive. However, another On a lighter note, I hope that everyone *******” (insert preference of candidate anything to do with the creation of the new vital part of a university being able to who voted enjoyed their democratic you found most annoying!). sabbatical position of VP Postgraduate survive is having students…no students, moment and those of you remaining at This year saw the biggest voter turnout Affairs? If it is then let’s hope it will no university!!! Elections to decide who Surrey next year enjoy your new sabbatical that Surrey Students Union has ever seen. encourage postgrads to become involved runs our union are of great importance, team of Hash, Rachel, Paintbrush, Ewan, When the ballot boxes were unlocked at with the union. therefore why did the university restrict our Simon and Catherine. Just remember to 1pm on Friday 27th February, 1750 votes I do have one little rant to make campaigning and restrict the effectiveness vote again next year! had been cast. However as four students though and it has nothing to do with any had attempted to ‘beat the system’ and had candidates, any students or the students’ elections04 | photo: matt adams double-voted, those eight ballot papers union. It is a rant directed at the university needed to be taken out as neither of their itself and it concerns campaign posters two votes counted. To those of you who on walls. When we all came back after are worried, it wasn’t a random eight Christmas, we were greeted by the white papers; when student’s u.r.n.’s were taken at notice boards around campus onto which time of voting, it was written down next to posters may be stuck (only with blue the appropriate ballot paper number so that tack and only posters of A4 size!). The in the occasion of any double voting, we University actually expected candidates to knew which ballot papers to take out. only put their campaigning posters on these For me, this was the second year working notice boards and ripped down the ones with (the wonderful!) Scott Farmer on the on the walls. To those people in charge of sabbatical elections and I saw a number of this ‘ingenious’ idea, I have three things to changes towards attitudes to the elections. say. First, the idea of campaigning is to get Firstly, there were a lot more candidates voters’ attention so they have candidates’ running for the positions, which made it names in their heads and they can then very diffi cult to tell who would win, as look at the manifestoes to see what they all of the candidates would have made stand for. This isn’t exactly going to work excellent sabbatical candidates. With the if posters are restricted to notice boards. presidential election only being won by Second, campaigning for the elections 4 COMMENT 4 March 2004 Putting the World to Rights Melanie Perkins does exactly what it says on the tin, and puts the world to rights on the opinion subjects of depressing modern music and internet truancy schemes. “No ones going to care, if you don’t you, unless you insist on listening to of the songs out there today, most of call when you say you will.” - Pulp it while sticking your head out of a which leave out the Disney happy moving train, something which I do ending. Is music depressing the fans of today? not advise, but it can play havok with Being a music fan and drummer I’m Moving On It has been said that music is like your moods. You’re unlikely to get a not calling for a stop to music, what alcohol, it accentuates whatever mood disease listening to music, but it can I am calling for is for more care to be And so the time has come when the barefacts crew must look you are in at the time. Listening affect your mood in good as well as taken over the music we let ourselves to the future. With the election of a brand new Vice President to depressing music when you are bad ways. Some of the girls amongst and our friends listen to. Look out for Communications Elect (congratulations Catherine!) the feeling depressed is unlikely to make us will know that a good old bit of your friends, and please, if they end thought of barefacts 2004-5 has come to the front of our you want to start drawing smiley 80’s cheese is the ideal ingredient to up buying something from the likes of minds. So now is the time to instil in your minds that vague faces and thinking about rainbows and start off a Friday night. Those having S Club please check their sanity and desire to contribute to this hallowed paper over the next fl uffy bunnies. But at the same time, problems however will tell you just blood alcohol levels before you let academic year. This year barefacts has seen verging on 150 listening to happy pop music while how much they identify with so many them go shopping again on their own. contributors, a defi nite rise on previous years, and hopefully you are feeling depressed can be just this trend will continue far beyond this year. There are loads as dangerous, you may even become of opportunities for you to become involved in the paper, jealous, or resentful of the artists and you don’t need any previous experience, or to be an happiness. amazing writer. During the summer a new barefacts editorial Music is a drug, for many it’s a drug team will be recruited. On this there are the positions of: they can’t live without. However, Editor, Deputy Editor(s), Music Editor(s), News Editor, there are never any warning signs. A Theatre Editor, Literature Editor, Sports Editor, Film Editor, good party contains alcohol, smoking Photography Editor as well as others which have existed in and usually bedroom Olympics. We the past and could well be rekindled. Being a section editor all know the dangers of each, but what takes a few hours of work each week, collating articles about the 4th, vital party ingredient, from contributors and writing a few yourself. You can also music. It can make or break a party. be involved in designing and laying up your section in Just an indication of the effect, the Media Centre. As Editor or one of the Deputy Editors perhaps subliminally, that music has you will no doubt end up designing, laying up, writing, on our lives. interviewing people and all manner of other exciting things. Admittedly music is unlikely to kill You can also be a contributor, member of the music team, or get involved in the design side of the paper. There is so much for you to do, it’s a great way to make new friends and being Tackling Truancy Through the scheme have to agree to supervise the that the American system should be part of the barefacts team looks great on your CV. So, have a Internet? work. Parents of truant children agree adopted instead; if you don’t pass the think about it, and email [email protected]. to send their children to school, for year you don’t move on, you don’t It has been suggested on a BBC whatever reason they have failed this graduate. news programme recently that a new task, why should they be successful in This isn’t the way to deal with Random Fact of the Week scheme could be used, allowing pupils getting their children to work in their truancy. The scheme is a good one to study for GCSE’s using the internet own home? Is the scheme simply yes, but perhaps only for extreme By Matt Adams alone, receiving and submitting giving truants the easy way out? In cases where there is no other option, coursework through e-mail. It has the short term maybe, but in the long perhaps where pupils are physically You can fi t twenty-one tracks of Chesney Hawkes’ ‘I am even been piloted in one school. term they could suffer even more. unable to attend school, or are the One and Only’ onto one eighty-minute CD. This scheme has been marketed to School is meant to prepare for life frightened to for fear of bullying. This You can however, only listen to a maximum of seven of reduce truancy. This may sound like in the real world. A truant being help should be available for people the tracks in one sitting ;-) a good idea, but would it really work? cushioned from the real world will get who appreciate it, not the idle truant. Students truant because, in the main, a great shock when they realise that if Is this just another example of the [email protected] they don’t want to work. Giving them they don’t turn up to work they don’t ‘softer’ less disciplined and easier the option to learn at home is unlikely get paid. They wont have a job. The educational life we hear so much to change that. school needs to convey this message. about? The parents of the children in the One respondent to this idea suggested 4 March 2004 GU2 107.3FM & FOOD 5 www dot Gu2 dot co dot uk 107.3 fm schedule designed by neil christie of the en&em show

By some beaten egg or a tablespoon or so of these will add more depth of fl avour, fl our. Basically you should add enough of making your pasta salad much tastier. Last Cori either to make the mixture cohesive enough add enough dressing or mayonnaise (you Powley LEFTOVERS to form into cakes, so neither very wet could just add olive oil and lemon juice) to nor very dry. Then, get stuck in with your lightly coat the pasta salad and serve. Being a student often means negotiating the when pushed for time or simply starving. hands and take a small handful and roll into sometimes-tricky task of cooking for one. I The beauty of leftovers is that they provide a ball and then fl atten in your palm to make Leftover rice = Frittata am a terrible judge of quantity, fearing the a short cut to several dishes that would be a cake. Fry the fi sh cakes in a little oil on Leftover rice unimaginably horrifying situation of having more time consuming if made from scratch. a medium to high heat, turning once, until 4 eggs too little (gasp!). As a result I invariably Now that I have cottoned on to this cheat, golden brown on both sides. Serve with Splash of milk fi nd myself faced with a mountainous pile I fi nd myself cooking surplus portions in a wedge of lemon and some mayonnaise, Cheese, grated of pasta, potatoes or rice suffi cient to feed anticipation of future tasty treats. After all, ketchup or sweet chilli sauce. 1 onion, sliced a small village. In fact, my housemates it takes no extra effort to add a little more Butter often recall with mirth the occasion when rice to the pan and the result is two meals Leftover Pasta = Pasta Salad Olive oil our plastic colander buckled and snapped made with half the effort and with no waste Leftover pasta I have outlined a basic Frittata recipe here, under the sheer weight of my rice. I am or bloated belly to contend with. Below I Cucumber, diced so you can experiment by adding any meat often amazed at my ability to consume the have suggested three uses for leftovers and Tomatoes, diced or vegetables as you see fi t. Treat the rice entirety of what I have cooked by returning the best thing about these recipes is that Ham, sliced into bite sized pieces in the same way as the pasta when you fi rst to my leftovers for a second sitting or you can tailor them by adding pretty much Cheese, grated make it. Melt a small knob of butter in through an extended period of leisurely any food you like or happen to have lying Olives (optional) some olive oil in a frying pan and add the picking. Later, I fi nd myself groaning around. Salad dressing or mayonnaise onion and cook until golden. Meanwhile woefully, incapacitated and unable to leave When you have found that you have made preheat the grill and in a small bowl, lightly the sofa as a consequence of my swollen Leftover Potatoes = Fishcakes too much pasta, simply drizzle with a bit whisk the eggs with a splash of milk and belly (referred to as the “food baby” in our Leftover potatoes, mashed of olive oil or melt some butter into it and some salt and pepper. Add the rice to the house), and recalling with regret the vast Tinned fi sh (tuna, salmon or crab) place into a fairly large container or dish pan with any other ingredients you are portion of food I have devoured. Spring onions (optional) to cool. This will allow the pasta to spread including and stir for a couple of minutes Sometimes, I am not as greedy and I save Plain fl our or an egg out and prevent it from sticking together. until heated through. Then add the beaten the leftovers, placing them appropriately Salt and pepper When it comes to making the pasta salad, eggs to the pan and stir briefl y to combine wrapped or contained in the fridge, only Oil simply tip the pasta into a large bowl and everything in the pan. Add then cheese and to be thrown out at the end of the week. If 1 lemon combine with all of the ingredients except cook on a medium heat without stirring you are like me and fi nd similar problems, Place the leftover potatoes and fi sh in a the dressing. The ingredients above are until you can lift the underside away from then you will agree that this is not the best large bowl and combine using a fork. If simply a suggestion and you can add the pan with a spatula and see that it is approach to cooking for one. you have some spring onions, slice a couple whatever you think will be tasty. If you cooked. Place under the grill to cook the The answer it seems, is to embrace fi nely and add them. Season with salt and happen to have some fresh herbs such as top of the frittata until the cheese is melted leftovers and regard them as a source of a pepper and add any herbs or spices that you coriander, mint or basil, or if you have and golden. This is delicious served with a second delicious meal later in the week are using. To bind the mixture, add either some dried mint or paprika then any of salad or simply with some tomato ketchup. 6 ACCOMMODATION 4 March 2004 Safe As Houses USSU Accommodation Officer Matt Adams gives you the low down on everything you need to know about finding and keeping that perfect off campus house - you can’t afford not to read on...

This year’s Accommodation a tenancy agreement then you are for the first time there is an obvious Newspaper has now been out for all liable for the full amount of any time pressure, the landlord / current three days. It’s likely by now that you’ll outstanding rent. If you’re tenancy tenants are normally present, and either have a house and be ready agreement is ‘joint and several’ there isn’t really a chance to check to sign contracts, or else you’ll be and one of your housemates leaves for problems that don’t immediately running round like a headless chicken University and stops paying rent on the become apparent. Consequently, trying to find somewhere that a) isn’t a house, then the landlord can still ask when you first move into your new Himalayan trek away from campus, or the remaining housemates to pay the house in the summer, be sure to give else b) isn’t going to cost you a small full rent total. The main thing to make it a good going over. Check that the fortune in rent and bills. Whatever your sure of before you sign a tenancy house is fitted with smoke detectors, position in the housing hunt though, agreement is that you read it carefully and that they are in working order please read on as there’s something and understand everything in it. If and in the right place. If your house for everyone, regardless of whether you are unsure, then ask to take the doesn’t have smoke detectors then you’ve just signed your first significant contract away for a day / evening in ask your landlord to fit them, or if the legal contract, or if you’re a seasoned order to take a closer look. Any decent worst comes to the worst, shell out pro in the housing game but would landlord will allow you to do this, and £10 to buy a couple (they could end just like to get that little bit more out of if they insist that you sign there and up saving your life!). You should also your landlord. then, then I would advise you to steer check all electrical sockets and any well clear of that particular individual. electrical appliances (e.g. washing First off, for those of you who are still If you are still unsure about any of the machine, lights, microwave etc.) that without a house for the next year, don’t contract clauses after giving it a second are provided by your landlord. Once panic! The Student Housing Special read through, take the contract along again, if anything appears amiss, ask published this week only contains to the University Accommodation your landlord to repair / replace any the details of about half of the total Office where someone will take a look faulty electrical items. private accommodation available to at it and advise you on what to do. students, so there’s still plenty of choice Finally, check that any gas appliances out there. As well as the hundreds of With regard to what is a sensible rent are burning cleanly (i.e. with a blue privately owned properties, a wide price, it is completely unnecessary flame) and ask to see the safety range of houses are also available to pay £80+ per week for certificate for them. The safety to rent from the University itself. Due accommodation. If you’re going to certificate will detail which appliances to the understandable popularity of choose to do this, then it’s either a have been inspected, when they were the University owned houses they are really nice studio flat and you have last serviced (check it is a current always oversubscribed and a ballot too much money, or else you’re certificate), and whether they passed is held each year to decide who is being taken to the cleaners! For those a safety check. Landlords have to allowed to view and subsequently rent freshers amongst you who are renting provide these certificates by law, so the houses. Whilst the ballot is no sure property for the first time, don’t forget you are perfectly within your rights as way of getting a chance to even view that unlike on-campus housing where a tenant to see the certificate for your a house, if you currently don’t have all bills are included in your rent, you house. anywhere in mind to live next year it is will be responsible for paying the bills a great place to start while you trawl in any off-campus house. For these, I’m sure a lot of what I’ve covered through the private housing lists. you should normally budget about £5/ in the last thousand words isn’t 6 per week on top of your rent. This anything you didn’t already know, but Regardless of where you choose to is purely as an average, since heating I hope some of it will come in handy, live for the following year, the tenancy and lighting costs will be less during particularly to those of you who will be agreement will usually be for twelve the summer and greater during the living off-campus for the first time this months, so take this into account when colder, darker, months of winter. year. I want to take this opportunity to working out your budget. Tenancy wish you all a trouble-free tenancy, but agreements are binding once signed, You may think that signing a tenancy should you have any accommodation and generally offer no possibility of agreement would be the end of the related problems, whether it’s in giving notice to leave should you great housing hunt of 2004, but I’m finding a house to live in, or having pull out of University or want to live sad to say that the journey is a long disputes with your existing landlord, somewhere else. The other key feature one, and things can take a turn for then please don’t hesitate to email me of most tenancy agreements is that the worst even after you’ve been living on [email protected] they are ‘joint and several’. This means happily in your new house for several that if you and your housemates sign months. When you view a house 4 March 2004 UNION 7

To support this project UniS are holding held in The Park Barn Day Centre (close to “We Don’t Need No Education” several free Concorde related lectures. Any Tesco’s). Please contact Carol for info. …Well maybe not..?! Disability students/ staff interested in the project/ Challengers (who run a playcentre, sports Concorde generally are welcome to attend “Money, Money, Money…” club, activity weekends etc for children Austin Pearce, lecture theatre 4, Wednesday Can you help with a worthy street and young people under 25 years) and a 17th March, 5-6pm, when ex BA captain collection in Guildford on Saturday 20th local infants school are linking with V on John Hutchinson will be giving a lecture on March for the Sea Cadets. It will be a Thursdays 11th and 18th March. They are his 15 years working at twice the speed of buzzing day, and there will even be a cadet awareness raising mornings for the school sound! You need to reserve a ticket from band playing to grab people’s attention. children, and volunteers are needed to go [email protected] or 683172. Contact Carol for more info. along and help out, and also to drive the minibus. Please contact carol ASAP if you “I’m Too Sexy For My Cat” “…In A Rich Man’s World?” can help. (Wow – remember that top tune?) A A mini-enterprise-like game is being run “I Believe I Can Fly” fashion show is being held by ‘Save The for 75 year 10 business studies students at “Take Me Down To The Paradise City We have a really exciting and totally Children’ on the evening of Saturday The George Abbot School (Guildford) and (…or Dunsfold Park)” unique opportunity just for you! It’s all 8th May at the Holiday Inn (by Tesco’s), volunteers are needed to ‘sell’ stationary St. John Links is the student wing of the about that white pointy plane that used to and they are looking for help. They are supplies (paper money!). It’s on Tuesday UK’s largest voluntary fi rst aid society, and fl y around at a fairly high speed.., yes.. especially searching for some musical 3th March (8am–2pmish). Free lunch, and they are running an ambulance training Concorde! This is your chance to get entertainment; help producing the travel expenses paid. Contact Carol for exercise on Saturday 17th April, locally your hands dirty or get involved in some programme; designing a catwalk backdrop; details. (Dunsfold Park). A similar event ran last other cleaner aspect of the project. Ok, so and technical stuff (PA/ lighting). There year and students/ staff went along and had we are looking for enthusiastic people to will be a meeting for anyone interested “We Will Rock You” a fantastic time! The day will run 8am- help restore a Concorde that is weaving on Wednesday 3rd March, 2.30pm in the It’s ‘battle of the bands’ time! 10 local 8pm and meals/ expenses will be provided. it’s way to Brooklands Museum in May. USSU activity centre – everyone welcome! school bands will battle it out in the USSU Contact Carol for more details. You don’t have to be an engineering type to win a top prize and the honor of being though, as all sorts of people are needed “SNAP – ahh ahhh” the best local school band. The event will Name | Carol Main to ensure the success of this unique On Saturday 6th March, SNAP disco’s are take place on Sundays 14th and 21st March. Tel | (01483) (68) 3254 project. Please contact Ross Kelway again coming to Guildford! ‘S’ay ‘N’o ‘T’o A variety of help is needed on both days, Email | [email protected] ([email protected] or 683177) or ‘D’rugs is the theme, and it’s a disco for please contact Carol for more info. Web | www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering Carol (details below) for more details. up to 200 secondary school pupils. It is Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU 6 UNION 4 March 2004 Meet Pakistan @ PSA Dr Russ Hassaan Touheed introduces the exciting events and activities organised by the USSU Pakistani Students Association. DR RUSS CLARK Replies UNIS CAREERS SERVICE When you think about Pakistan, you think informative lecture on “Freedom of media about a lot of things. Its awe-inspiring in the South Asian context”. Mr. Akhtar mountain ranges and beautiful valleys that reasoned that in the present day world, look so unearthly, vast stretches of deserts freedom of media and its emphatic role What sort of written exercises can I obviously important - like the memo from and the land of fi ve rivers, densely packed has been shaping up the ideas of people in expect in an assessment centre? the managing director requesting a review of metropolitan cities like Karachi and the the wake of recent events on global scene. safety procedures following the recent fi re. simple and innocent village life, every year He argued that media is like a double- A common exercise you’re likely to meet Take a look at your watch and see how much fi lled with the richness of four seasons, edged sword that can generate “spins” is called a case study. It typically involves time you have for a more detailed look at the interesting diversity of cultures and and “counter-spins”. He concluded with analysing a mass of complicated written material. This could lead to some changes traditions, marvellous handicrafts and some highlighting a need for a more clearly material before presenting a reasonable in your priorities. The written summary of of the fi nest industrial products, lifestyles demarked boundries of media’s freedom solution to the problems it contains. There your recommendations is likely to be brief, refl ecting heartfulness and behaviours and is role. Dr. Shuja Ahmed, the other aren’t necessarily any right or wrong but should nevertheless be clear, logical and identifi ed by hospitality. The land is famous speaker, spoke on “Izafi yat, Ishq aur answers. The assessors are simply interested concise. You must take care to leave enough for having the most fertile stretches of land Adab”---- a topic in Urdu, the national in knowing whether you have understood time to write your summary. The assessors in the world. Above all, the fertility of the language of Pakistan. In his thought- the issues and whether your proposals are won’t be able to guess what you intended to minds of the people has exhibited itself provoking talk, Dr. Ahmed linked the well thought out. Whilst the written part of write after you’d run out of time! in the proportion of Pakistanis in various theory of relativity, with a this exercise can be minimal, it is important fi elds of higher education and reserach; non-scientifi c approach, to the essence to make sure that your recommendations are Any others? UniS is no exception. of human interface. At such an interface, lucidly and logically presented. Pakistani Students Association is aimed at science, philosophy, religion and poetry Another test requires that you respond to a serving as a “home away from home” for are interchangeable. Aspects of a purely What exactly is an in-tray exercise? letter of complaint from, say, a colleague Pakistani Students and welcomes everyone scientifi c conception were revealed in an or a customer. Although the detailed else to join in and get to know about the absolutely non-scientifi c vista to instigate This test is one of the employers’ favourites. circumstances will vary in each case, there country and its people. PSA organizes thought and underline the importance of You are asked to play the role of a personnel are some general guidelines which might help different social events in which everyone dynamism and innovation. manager who has returned from holiday to you. Make sure you convince the recipient is welcomed. The fi rst event of 2004 was a PSA is committed to arranging both fi nd a pile of papers waiting for you. Your task that you have understood their problem. dinner at Tandoori Resturant, High Street entertaining and enlightening events is to separate the urgent from the non-urgent Consider whether an apology is required or Guildford. The evening was fi lled with the on regular basis. So come and enjoy and the important from the unimportant. The whether an explanation would suffi ce instead. spice of the tasty Asian food and the table the upcoming events in the company of key to doing well in this test is to skim all Avoid responding aggressively; try instead to gossip. In quick succession, PSA organized friendly and hospitable people. Join PSA by of the papers quickly at fi rst. It is tempting be both polite and tactful. informal colloquia on 25th February. simply emailing to [email protected] to try to read everything, including the Mr. Nadeem Akhtar delivered a highly cleverly placed 30 page report which would Finally, as with every exercise, don’t worry take up the whole of the time allocated to if you mess it up. Concentrate on doing as the test if you fell into the trap of reading well as you can in whatever follows. It is it! After your initial skimming, attempt perfectly possible to retrieve the situation an early prioritisation of papers. Some are with good performances in other activities.

CAREERS EVENTS | SPRING SEMESTER WEEK 8

PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST* BUNAC WORK AMERICA* WEDNESDAY 10 MARCH THURSDAY 11 MARCH | 6.00 PM IN LTM 2.15 PM – 4.15 PM IN LT B Work America is BUNAC’s original and longest The last chance to try our practice test. running programme. With BUNAC’s help, you can combine work and travel so that it’s possible to take almost any job, * Please sign up in anywhere in the USA during your long summer Careers or email vacation and afterwards have time to travel [email protected] throughout North America.

WANTED

Kitchen Porter to work in Chancellors.

The shifts are: Saturdays 11-5 Sundays 11-5 Weekday evenings 5-9

For more information contact the Head Chef Katy Jackets on ext 9324 or 01483 689324 FILM LITERATURE It’s a top week for films, Arvind Virdee gives the so turn to page 12 to classic Winnie the Pooh find out exactlywhy his usual treatment, with you should stay in this interesting results - read week... on...

This week’s film is a little different, with a couple of preview reviews - starting with three films within the ‘Comic Book’ genre. | by Neil Boulton... Honourary Many moons ago you may have read my ranting about an.sonypictures.com/ Comic Book movies, and their tendency to be pretty Hellboy: Actor Ron Pearlman was pretty much born to play bad. Well, Spring/Summer is here/approaching and there Hellboy, so he will an it’s being directed by Guillermo del would appear to be 3 Comic-y type films heading our way Toro, the man who brought us effects-crammed-vampire- Oscars (Actually recently there’s been a comic book film called punch-up Blade 2. Brief description of Hellboy? “A demon, American Splendour starring Paul Giamatti, sort of a comic raised from infancy after being conjured by and rescued from book adaptation in the way Daniel Clowes’ Ghost World the Nazis, grows up to become a defender against the forces Honourary Award: Blake Edwards which was pretty damn good. Got an Oscar nomination too). of darkness”. It looks the business and any film somehow So I thought we’d have a quick look at them and rate their working black magic and Nazi-bashing into the same picture Not all the awards at the Oscars went to films over the last chances. has to be worth a look. http://www.sonypictures.com/ year, there’s the Honourary Award, which this year went Spider-man 2: This looks very promising – as we know movies/hellboy/hellsite/ really quite deservingly to Blake Edwards. Blake Edwards, X-men 2 was better than X-men, basically because all the The Punisher: Frank Castle - judge, jury, and executioner which most will go ‘huh?’ at the name of has been tinkering getting-to-know-you mish mash had been dealt with they – a vigilante out to teach those who wronged him a lesson. around in Hollywood for many a year now. Well, gentle could get onto some proper storytelling. So, in theory, Apparently they’re looking for an 18 certificate for this, reader; go ‘huh?’ no longer. this can be applied to Raimi’s forthcoming Spidey-sequel the 2nd , attempt to bring the Punisher to the screen which Peter Gunn: You know the Blue Brothers, you know that – They’ve done how he became Spider-man and now he gets bodes well indeed. Hopefully this’ll be very Blade- really cool music that themes said 80s Musical adventure. to take on Doctor Octopus, a man with 4 extendable robotic like in it’s execution, guns, blood, violence, all your Well, it was written by Henry Mancini for this very TV tentacles grafted to his body. Going with Raimi’s love of the comic book expectations. Cinematic unknown taking series (Hence the name: The Peter Gunn Theme). It was a POV camera things could be good. Plus the preview poster the crucial role as Castle could also work in it’s favour. very slick noir type thriller in the 50s-60s. You have to have of Dr. Octopus looks great, their attempt to tart up the Green http://www.punisherthemovie.com/ been working a long time for these Honourary Oscar things Goblin for the new millennium looked awful. http://spiderm y’know. S.O.B.: Rather irritated by the Hollywood system Mr. Edwards wrote this rather funny little satire about it Bubba Ho-tep and Shaun of the Dead - two films both worthy of a quick (S.O.B. stands for Standard Operational Bullshit), it got a mixed reception at the time, but I think it’s great. Basically preview on the wonder that is the Internet. Stream on... because it tore into most parts of the Hollywood film-maker lifestyle, it has a basic plot similar to that of Mel Brookes Not comic book films, but two films that have got me all //www.bubbahotep.com/ The Producers and also features Julie Andrews playing a excited like a fat child in a chocolate shop and hence must Shaun Of The Dead: Spaced was a cracking sitcom for parody of herself (His wife by the way). The character of be mentioned, shall be mention hear. movie buffs, the British comedy types who made it pumped Dr. Irving Finegarten doping up various celebrities in the Bubba Ho-tep: Okay, I’m a bit of a Sam Raimi fan boy and the whole thing full to the back teeth which movie homages, name of medicine is wonderful. as such I worship at the feet of Bruce Campbell the lantern references and assorted tid-bits. So, in the name of natural Breakfast At Tiffany’s: Audrey Hepburn is Holly jawed B-movie hero. And in this film (by Don Coscarelli, progression, it only feels right that they should do a movie, Golightly, iconic type cinema stuff as the high-priced escort not Sam Raimi) he is playing the role he’s been waiting for. so they are. From what I’ve read it’s a going to be a rom- looking for a rich old man to marry. Alas nice wannabe Elvis. Bruce Campbell as Elvis. Personally I’m sold at that zom-com (Romance-Zombie-Comedy) definitely praising/ writer Fred falls for her, but she wants a rich old man. Once point alone, but things get even better. The basic plot is a mocking the good old zombie films in equal measure. After again Mancini’s tied into the soundtrack, Blake worked a very ageing Elvis and a man who believes himself to be a night out at the pub a group of friends find themselves lot with Mancini over the years producing some corking JFK go up against an evil Egyptian entity who’s stalking in a zombie Holocaust. Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Dylan scores (e.g. Experiment In Terror), although Mancini has the residents of their nursing home. Can Elvis & JFK defeat Moran are all in it and if Spaced the series is anything to go scored over 400 odd films in his 70 year life. the Bubba Ho-tep? It’s going to be a rather unusual comedic on it’s going to be wonderful. The Pink Panther: Most of the things he’s done basks piece of brilliance. Well I hope. I whole-heartedly urge you Check out the trailer for yourself at in the shadow of this, his master work. Or the work most to watch the trailer so be sure to boot scoot over to http: www.workingtitlefilms.com usual tie to his name. Rising first to success with the string of successful Peter Sellers led film featuring the bumbling Inspector Jacques Clouseau and the titular elusive diamond. It then went on to spawn a successful cartoon, and a signature tune as a catchy as the Peter Gunn Theme in addition to the string of films (Another film from days-gone by-currently being fed through the remake machine).

12 FILM 4 March 2004 Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead

Many many many films on TV this week, with Saturday and Sunday providing a veritable mother load of feature length fun. I’m looking forward to American Movie personally, although I’ll probably forget it’s on and miss it. If you see a film you like do not make the same mistake.

BY NEIL BOULTON FILM EDITOR Thursday 4th March 2004 Sunday 7th March 2004 Five | Leathal Weapon 2 | Lethal Weapon 4 earned an ‘Avoid’ a few weeks ago. This Five Cats & Dogs | Like Babe but with Cats & Dogs. Vague I know, the plot is 9:00pm – one isn’t as bad. But still pretty bad. It will soil any good memories you had of 6:25pm – the war between canines and felines and when a scientist develops a cure for 11:15pm Joe Pesci. 8:00pm dog allergies the cats set out to steal it and use it to stomp out dog-kind. Nice little family special effects driven feature complete with various celeb voices Friday 5th March 2004 fuelling the animals opening & closing mouths. BBC1 | Cat People | Nastassja Kinski is one of the last survivors of a race of beings Five | Saving Private Ryan | Celebrity-packed Oscar-winning war fi lm where Tom 1:10am – with an unusual party trick, they transform into felines in the heat of passion. 9:00pm – Hanks gets to set out rescue the titular Private from the depths of World War 3:05am Which while probably visually interesting could lead to some very awkward 12:20am II. The whole rescue mission’s based on the fact that his 3 other brothers died social situations. So what we end up with in this remake is a fi lm “driven by in the war and the government want to send him home to his mother, which nudity and gore”. Well, it is a Friday night after all. seems a bit trivial to be risking a group of soldiers for. Hokey plot but everyone Five | Alice | Mia Farrow stars in this rather quirky sounding Woody Allen fi lm, seemed to like the fi lm. 2:20am – co-starring William Hurt & Alec Baldwin. Some of the more interesting plot 4:00am Channel 4 | Cruel Intentions | A remake of Les Liaisons Dangereux for the young types points would be Alice being helped to confront her past through herbal teas, 10:00pm – of today, whereas the original starred John Malkovich and Michelle Pfeiffer, meeting the ghost of an old fl ame and spying on her family and friends whilst 11:50pm this one now stars Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillipe and other trendy young invisible… people. Not that bad and doesn’t seem to dumb things down too much, though the letter writing which worked with the original doesn’t seem to work as well Saturday 6th March 2004 in the modern age. ITV | The World Is Not Enough | Bond fi lm the 19th. Which is pretty much all the BBC1 | Arachnophobia | The tongue-in-cheek scary movie from 1990 featuring a 8:50pm – description this fi lm needs. There are some cracking set pieces (i.e. the Groovy 11:05pm – fearsome Spider infestation, no less. A fun fi lm which does it’s tension well, 11:10pm speed boat chase down the Thames at the beginning), Sophie Marceau made 12:50am Spielberg had a hand in the production so it has his feel to it. It has a great a great bond girl and Robert Carlyle’s nasty baddie who can’t feel pain was a turn from John Goodman as an exterminator, although there’s a great you-can- nice idea. Things blow up, gadgets are utilised. Great. see-the-stick-coming-out-of-the-back-of-the-fake-spider-as-it’s-shoved-up- Channel 4 | The Game | David Fincher’s (Se7en, Fight Club) dark thriller where Michael someones-trouser-leg moment. Worth a watch. 10:00pm – Douglas’ businessman is given a birthday surprise by his brother Sean Penn. Channel 4 | Plunkett & Macleane | A deliberately anachronistic period piece this with 12:25am He gets the chance to play the “reality game” an all-encompassing life 11:50pm – Johnny Lee Miller & Robert Carlyle starring as notorious highwaymen in 18th experience, once in there though he grows increasingly paranoid believing the 1:40am century London. The odd couple are the terrors of High Society with their whole thing to be a conspiracy. highwaymen antics, it also starts Liv Tyler as their aristocratic ‘groupie’. The BBC1 | Red Sonja | Aaaah, some mindless fun. Brigette Nielsen plays the titular music sounds the most interesting, Mozart with a 909 drum machine. 11:40pm – leather-bikini-clad warrior maiden with Arnold grunting at her side as her 1:05am loin clothed aide. It’s based on a story by the guy who wrote the Conan the Monday 8th March 2004 Barbarian stories, so it’s all swords and sorcery. The plot’s pretty easy going, Five | A Civil Action | John Travolta stars in this fact-based legal drama, playing an our warrior maiden wishes to avenge the death of her family at the hands of a 9:00pm – ambulance-chasing attorney who takes on potentially lucrative cases so he can wicked queen. 11:15pm settle out of court and collect his cut. Written/Directed by the man who wrote Channel 4 | Black And White | A big wide diverse cast (Ben Stiller to Mike Tyson) take to Schindler’s list there’s a notable cast list as long as my arm. 2:25am – the screen in the largely improvised dialogue about racial relations. Centering BBC1 | Hollywood Greats | Not a movie, but applicable none-the-less. It’s sort of 4:05am on a pair of documentary fi lmmakers, Sam and her husband Terry, who are 10:35pm – a mini-documentary on Dustin Hoffman, covering his very hands-on acting following a group of caucasian teens and others who try to fi t in with Harlem’s 11:15pm approach and some of the great fi lms he’s been in over the years. Unfortunately black hip-hop crowd. There are a few other plot threads thrown into the mix. it involves Jonathan Ross. Proof we can’t have our cake and eat it. Channel 4 | Bound | Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon star as lesbian lovers (steamy liaisons 12:40am – abound) who plan to steal a hefty amount of money from the mob, intriguing 2:35am subject for a black comedy thriller. Joe Pantoliano adds to the whole deal as a crooked crime-type. It was directed by the Wachowski’s before they did The The Vanquishing Of The Golden Army Of Matrix and well worth a watch. Disappointment or… the Oscar results. Tuesday 9th March BBC1 | All The President’s Men | Dustin Hoffman (Him from that documentary last They’ve been, they’ve gone, and the Return conveniently where you can fi nd the rest of 11:35pm – night) stars in this Oscar-winning thriller about the corruption and behind the of the King whooped everyone’s sore little the winners, (http://www.oscars.com) which 1:55am power fumblings surrounding the Watergate burglary and thought by some to behinds. Pulled everyone’s collective I won’t list here. You’ve had enough of that be one of the best movies ever made about American politics. trousers down and kicked them. Hard. It after last week. BBC2 | American Movie | A very low budget fi lm this, but defi nitely one to watch won all 11 of it’s nominated categories 12:20am – if you like your documentary pictures. The fi lm follows Mark Borchardt and including Best Picture and sticking that li’l 2:00am Mike Schank as they try and fi lm & fund their no-budget horror fi lm ‘Coven’, gold bald man fi rmly within the waiting comes highly recommended. mitts of Peter Jackson. Wednesday 10th March Mystic River meanwhile took all the male acting awards with both Sean Penn and Tim BBC2 | Hard Eight | Boogie Night’s director Paul Thomas Anderson’s fi rst feature Robbins claiming deserved statuettes for 12:20am – fi lm is set in Vegas, and sort of focuses on gambling. John C Reilly’s young their mantles at home. Meanwhile Charlize 2:00am pretender gets taken under the wing of old professional gamble Phillip Baker Hall and is taught some of the tricks of the trade. Everything’s great until Theron got Best Actress for Monster and Reilly falls for Gwyneth Platrow’s hooker and things go pear-shaped. Renée Zellweger got the similar supporting for Cold Mountain. The results were pretty much as I guessed them, I guess I should’ve played the “predict the winners” game on the Oscars offi cial website, which is 4 March 2004 THEATRE 13 surreytheatre G u i l d f o r d & W o k i n g Showing from Monday 8 - Saturday 13 The Merchant of Venice March 2004, direct from the West End, written and devised by Giles Brandreth, Kate Sobczak and Helen Blunn review the production of ‘The Merchant comes Zipp! Why trek around the streets of London’s of Venice’ playing at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre last week... West End everytime you fancy seeing the latest multi-million pound musical The scene is very simple with the entire Theaker), Shylock’s daughter, running off spectacular when you can see the A - Z of play being very minimalist, concentrating with Lorenzo (Adam Sunderland), one of musicals in just one show! Get them all on the colours, white, black and red. Bassanio’s friends. out of the way in one whistle-stop tour However the lack of scenery is more than Clare Calbraith was striking as the level through the best, and the worst, of the West made up for by the actors’ enthusiasm. headed Portia with her perfect timing End and Broadway with 100 musicals for Northern Broadsides production of the and accomplished exchange between the price of 1! From George Gershwin to Merchant of Venice is passionate and feminine and masculine. Sara Poyzer was Stephen Sondheim, from Cole Porter to entertaining. The focus is on the language also impressive as Portia’s lady in waiting Boublil and Schonberg (via the complete of the play, although it did take us a while and lead female singer of the production. works of Andrew Lloyd Webber, in a to adapt to the Shakespearean language Andrew Vincent was at times diffi cult to truly remarkable 60 seconds!) this is the bluffer’s guide to musicals. A play that seems to and some of the accents of the actors. The understand as his voice was very deep generate as many rave reviews as there are musicals in the show… “An amazing night of struggle for love, money, revenge, truth but he had real stage presence. Barrie hilarious showbiz fun” (The Guardian) “Zipp! Is a laugh a minute and is a total must… and a pound of fl esh give rise to storylines Rutter has obviously taken the character of catch it while you can” (Daily Express). “This show is wonderfully funny…100 musicals Eastenders would be proud of! Shylock very much to his heart; he played in 90 minutes of pure unadulterated entertainment” The Scotsman. “A witty and often The plot unfolds to reveal the Venetian the stubborn, vulnerable villain with zeal. hysterically funny cabaret for those who both dislike musicals and love ‘em to death” (The noble, Bassanio (Paul Barnhill), who longs A key theme throughout is the racism Daily Mail). “Brandreth and his excellent company do for the musical what the Reduced to marry the enchanting heiress Portia between the Jewish (Shylock) and the Shakespeare Company has done for the Bard” (The Daily Telegraph). And remember! If (Clare Calbraith). Bassanio borrows Christian (nearly everyone else) characters; you don’t like one song… Another will be along in a minute!!! 3000 ducats from his friend Antonio clearly the term politically correct did not (Andrew Vincent), who in turn borrows exist in Shakespeare’s day. However, the it from the moneylender Shylock (Barrie disturbing comments and scenes were Rutter). Shylock demands a pound of balanced by some more light hearted Antonio’s fl esh if the loan is not repaid characters and musical interludes. We and when Antonio’s fl eet is lost at sea were particularly impressed by the males’ it seems Shylock will take his revenge. animated singing and dancing. Portia and her gentlewoman, Nerissa The play ends with love and music (Sara Poyzer), come to Antonio’s aid, however we are left feeling sorry for dressed as men. (Why is it Shakespearean Shylock and wondering why religion men never recognise women dressed as should cause so much hatred? William men?!). The subplot involves Jessica (Jo Shakespeare’sShakespeare’s themes are as topical as ever.ever.

Nautical Fun Sails Into Town! Colin Baker (Dr Who) stars in Hms Pinafore written by Gilbert & Sullivan. ‘A vivacious performance. Sullivan’s melodic gifts are at their freshest and the entire frothy confection slips down nicely. G & S won’t come better than this’ - Daily Telegraph. ‘Hugely popular, infectiously entertaining’ - The Scotsman. Internationally renowned for their authentic and lavish productions, the celebrated Carl Rosa Company return with Gilbert & Sullivan’s much-loved comic opera, HMS Pinafore. Directed by acclaimed actor Timothy West, and starring Colin Baker (Dr Who) as Sir Joseph Porter, this brand new production is a musical delight for everyone to enjoy. A nautical tale of romance and mistaken identities, this scintillating sea-faring smash hit is bursting with Gilbert’s brilliant satiric wit and packed with a sensational score of favourite songs performed by Carl Rosa’s superb company and orchestra, including When I Was a Lad, I’m Called Buttercup and I am the Captain of the Pinafore. Beautifully and imaginatively staged, with exquisite period costumes, this is a must for all G & S afi cionados and newcomers alike. Showing from Monday 8 - Saturday 13 March, performances start at 8pm, with ticket prices starting at £10. Box Offi ce 01483 545900. 14 MUSIC 4 March 2004

THE NECTARINE AUF DE MAUR NO.9 AUF DE MAUR ZERO7 I LOVE TOTAL DESTRUCTION EMI WHEN IT FALLS Beggars Banquet Ultimate Dilemma So Melissa has been in Courtney When bands start defi ning Love’s band Hole and then the Zero7 return after 2001’s their music with words such as Smashing Pumpkins, having this excellent debut, that brought “underground” and “noir” alarm kind of background and musical these laid backers to the forth bells should start ringing. This education has proved a valuable front of the UK down tempo singles Edinburgh trio’s later offering scene. Their second offering experience and she has passed the claims to be all these things, yet FYA exams with fl ying colours. This is When It Falls begins where come out with tracks like “The MUST BE LOVE a fantastic rock album and for a their last left off with dreamy End of Defi nition” and “Hanging Def Jam change we have a woman behind grooves and haunting muted around” sounding more like it all. She has let a few friends keyboards. The unmistakable part of the soundtrack from an FYA (pronounced ‘Fire’) are join her, like Queens of the Stone sound remains, no better episode of “Heartbeat” [as long straight out of Slough and trying Age producer Chris Goss who has illustrated than opener, Warm as you don’t listen too closely to to take the bull of UK Dancehall certainly stamped his mark on this Sound culminated with soulful the lyrics] while others like “The and ride it to success. However record but miss Auf de Maur is vocals that have proved a NO Unfunkadelic” are just a mismatch most of the vocals on this single what makes it special. The power successful combination while DOUBT of beeping sounds, irregular don’t seem to be by them at all, hits home with each crashing the fabulous Somersault is IT’S MY LIFE / drum beats, high pitched guitars but more by Smuiji (I think). riff and each feminine touch set to be the soundtrack to BATHWATER and distorted vocals. At best an It doesn’t sound breath taking, highlights its elegance. This is not the summer. Current single, Interscope Records album for listening to while doing to my ear it just sounds like only a dream come true for her Home is a grower, building in all the other R’n’B style coursework, and not very stressful sophistication listen after listen No Doubt, still but one for the listener too. d.m. songs circulating at coursework at that with another taking in lush harmonies and continuously plugging the moment. Very CD on stand by. r.s. mild brass relying any fears their “Best of” CD, release forgettable. n.b. Zero7 are a one album pony. this double A-side of their If your looking for simple cover of “It’s My Life” and things part two then, When a remix of “Bathwater”, an old it Falls defi nitely fi ts the bill, song that was never released immaculate from start to fi nish, here as a single. The remix is shows its not just the French (unusually) quite good and brings (Air) who are the kings of the original up to date. With two seduction but rather the eloquent STARSAILOR extra remixes and two videos for melodies of Zero7. m.b. FOUR TO THE FLOOR b-sides, it’s certainly a “Tesco EMI Records Value” range single, with all that it implies. r.s. This song, taken from TURIN BRAKES Starsailor’s new album Silence Is LATENIGHTTALES Easy is made instantly engaging THE OPEN Whoa Music by its uplifting vibe. The lyrics, CLOSE MY EYES written by the band’s John Polydor What on paper looks like an Walsh, are refl ective, with lines amazing collection of indolent such as ‘The Iron Hand Did When a band are described by jazz, folk and introspective Not Understand The Plight Of NME as representing ‘the sound blues, comes across as an album The Common Man’ and ‘We’d of the future’, it’s natural to fear that lazily blends from one guitar Rent A Little World, Have A the worst. However, while there’s laden country track, to another Little Girl’. This is sure to be a CKY nothing obviously futuristic with an entirely similar sound. big hit and liked by all, not just INFILTRATE. DESTROY. REBUILD. about The Open’s intoxicatingly This latest instalment from those Starsailor’s most ardent fans. l.o. Island cinematic sound and delicate kind people at LateNightTales vocals on Close My Eyes, they Cky have re-released this, their 3rd album, as a DVD with a video for yet again provides either a do respectfully draw upon song- each of the 10 tracks, which I like the idea of personally. However perfect background for moonlit THE BARBS focused guitar epics from the this review is just about the music, which in short is distorted rock. conversations, or a dull, THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EVIL past two decades, with the barely The guitar work’s fairly eclectic and many of the riffs on show have repetitive blend of middle of Mother Tongue Records containable soaring melody of the power to burrow into your head and take up residence (‘Flesh the road blues, depending on the chorus proving a particular Into Gear’ is a great example) with the occasional pedal effect/ the mood of the listener, and the This trashy London four-piece treat. The B-sides aren’t too far background synth adding to the mix. The lyrics are also time of the listening. Despite my are back with the follow up to behind, justifying NME’s Stone worthy of merit, in general they’re very wordy, not very lack of any fulfi lling description the hit Massive Crush. Their Roses comparisons in musical sing-a-long but memorable none-the-less. Musically of this particularly non-descript new single The Importance characteristics if not quite in they’re quite hard to put a genre to (just ‘rock’ album, there still lies one shining Of Being Evil is in the same overall standard. j.d. doesn’t feel right), but they defi nitely have their jewel amongst the rubble, and punk-rock vein and features the own unique sound, which is commendable. that arrives aurally in the form now expected vocal duelling n.b. of Jessica Lauren’s beautiful A of Tim Box and Amy Casey, Pearl For Iona. Pick this up, over powerful Distillers-like whack it on, and fall asleep. c.d. guitar riffs. Although this song is not instantly catch, its sheer energy and infectious vocals are captivating, making it a must for all punk fans. l.o.

these pages were brought to you by: Neil Boulton, Matt Badcock, Jonathan Darzi, Louise O’Neill, Richard Sharp, Dina Mystris, Corin Douieb, Matt Fisher and Jon Allen with design by ickle sarah albums 4 March 2004 MUSIC 15 Reviewer Profile

Name: Corin ‘The Last Skeptik’ DECKARD THE Douieb DREAMS OF ATARIS DYNAMITE AND @ The Astoria 5 Albums I Cant Live Without: DIVINITY 21st February 2004 Deckard Miles Davies – ‘Kind Of Blue’ - Another solid and fl awless Beginning to end: perfect. I’d go Three-quarters of mid-‘90s performance by teenage heart crazy without this album. Scottish also-rans Baby Chaos, the throbs The Ataris, although revitalised Deckard are unashamed seemingly less comfortable this Jehst – ‘Falling Down’ – London albumproponents of pop-rock – thankfully not of time around in the larger venue rapper Jehst made the best album the deeply unfashionable poodle-haired Bon Jovi of the Astoria. On previous gigs Last Album I Bought: Peanut of 2003, with this introspective, variety with which the tag is often associated, but at LA2 or in the small (but cosy!) Butter Wolf and Charizma – Big and superbly produced LP. instead the almost-as-unfashionable calmly tempered Wedgewood Rooms they were Shots hook-laden variety. Unlike Harrison Ford’s eponymous more intimate (sadly I mean in a Stray – ‘Suicide’ - Late ‘70s detective from seminal sci-fi classicBlade Runner, Deckard’s purely musical way!), and there’s First Gig: Jeru Da Damaja and rock: words can’t do this album straightforward songwriting approach and heartfelt lyrics leave was no inviting fans up on stage Masta Ace. justice. no doubts as to their wholly human composition; gimmickry is to play guitar for ‘San Dimas…’, simply not a part of their collective vocabulary, they prefer to let the but nevertheless the Ataris remain Best Gig: Breakestra or Def Tex. Nas – ‘Illmatic’. – Fresh early songs do all the talking. And very fi ne songs they are too, imbued one of the best live bands I’ve ‘90s hip-hop. Made when Nas with a strongly melodic effervescence best witnessed on incandescent seen in recent months (and not just Top Tip For 2004: The was actually good. opener To Your Soul and remaining a running theme across most of because of a certain blonde…), MadVillain LP (MF Doom and the album’s ten tracks. Sometimes, as on the edgier Holy Rolling, even if there was none of the Madlib) Pete Rock and C.L Smooth they sound slightly uncomfortable alongside their more youthful, infamous equipment-smashing ‘Mecca and the Soul Brother’ riff-obsessed peers, and there’s a slightly dated feel to proceedings antics witnessed at Reading! The Plug: Check Out The Dusty – More specifi cally, I cant live throughout, but it’s a relatively small price to pay for such a pure atmosphere in the Astoria was as Crates Show on Gu2 – Mondays without ‘TROY’, one of the commitment to music for music’s sake. j.d. hectic as usual – all the kids went 9pm till 10pm. greatest tracks of all time. crazy at the sight of the ‘So long, 1350am / 107.3 FM ……. Astoria’ banner being lowered into view and the general feeling of AIR @ Brixton Academy 18th February 2004 merriment lasted well throughout the gig (even if it did fi nish at French duo, Air make a welcomed return from across the channel the slightly early time of 21.30). WIN a Motorola T270i promoting their fantastic new album Talkie Walkie. With Air back It has to be said; I was slightly to their Moon Safari days the packed out academy was more than disappointed that they didn’t play O2 Home is the only Pay & Go™ to ofofferfer lower cost mobile calls from expectant too see the masters of chill work their magic. The set ‘My so Called Life’, but I was home, from just 2p* a minute. The O2 Home package is an extension begins with heroic glimpses off current album Talkie Walkie, the quiet easily pacifi ed by their rendition of of O2’O2’ss popular ‘Bolt-on’ portfolio of text and call bundles. beautiful Mike Mills followed by one the albums many highlights ‘Road Signs and Rock Songs’, and Students on O2 Pay & Go™ can add O2 Home by simply registering Venus. Down tempo dance can often be a tall order to translate in the on the whole the Ataris as usual their postcode via text, dialing 2425 live environment, no worries tonight with a fuller sound projecting gave us a fi rst-class, skilled show, from their O2 handset or through their catalogue into another universe. Accompanied by a versatile if not a little tame, but then again, Customer Service. They will then drummer, he can play bass too and excellent lighting they more if you want commercial success hear an announcement letting them than pull it off. The moody Cherry Blossom Girl is spectacular you can’t go inviting crazy kids know they are using minutes from with exquisite vocals harmonies followed by the developing Run on stage to ruin your best songs! their O2 Home Bolt-on before they transformed into a brooding live epic. Off the excellent Moon I disagree with the people that make a call from their postcode. Sarafri LP, Kelly Watch The Stars one of their more up beat offerings moaned about the bigger venue To celebrate the fantastic O2 Home undoubted star quality shone. After a short break the duo returned for (although it is slightly weird to service we’re giving away the latest the track of the evening, Sexy Boy, the bass turn up full, excellent think of people SITTING DOWN T270i Motorola handset. Thanks lighting and fabulous vocal delivery was only momentarily upstairs for an Ataris gig!), the to O2, you’ll be able to text to eclipsed by the atmospheric, La Femme D’ Argent. Back Ataris were still full of energy your hearts content on the fantastic to their very best Air have displayed both their richness and retained their personal touch, colour screen or try out the media of material and immaculate live performance making talking about who their songs were messaging, games, music, sport and them unequivocal kings of seduction. dedicated to (including Kris Roe’s entertainment services. Matt Badcock long lost sibling), and overall it For a chance to win this fantastic was perhaps a little docile for a prize, send your answers to the pop-punk gig, but even if they question below, along with your have calmed down slightly since name, address and telephone number the last time I saw them, The Ataris to [email protected] are still musically spot-on. The support was a little shaky at the start – Planes Mistaken for Stars The O2 Home package is an were not as good as I’d hoped, but extension of which popular Cursive were spot on – defi nitely a O2 portfolio? band I will be listening to more of a. Bolt-on package | b. Lock-on in the future! Gemma Perior package | c. Link-on package

gigs For further details on O2 Home check out www.o2.co.uk/o2home For more information competitions relevant to your campus visit albums www.o2.co.uk/o2homeoncampus 16 LITERATURE 4 March 2004 4 March 2004 INTERACTIVE 17

Word Search pub quiz A lovely 15 x 15 wordsearch from Mike Field, featuring 15 of the Societies bf of USSU. Your job is to fi nd them all! (But be careful, there are a couple of red herrings thrown in to confuse you). Hidden words go in all directions, According to the old song, how long is the Camptown racetrack? By Ben Berryman forwards and backwards. Answers are at the bottom of page 18. 1 Who2 is Popeye’sPopeye’s great rival for Olive Oyl’sOyl’s affections?affections? 3Founded in Moscow in 1780, what is the name of Russia’sRussia’s principle ballet company? WithW4ith which British entertainer do you associate the phrase ‘T‘Turnedurned out nice again’? Name the duo that created the cartoon characters TomTom and Jerry,Jerry, The Flintstones and 5Scooby Doo? 6Which British Rock group took its name from a Beano-Comic character? Who7 played Big Chris in the fi lm lm ‘Lock, ‘Lock, Stock Stock and and T woTwo Smoking Smoking Barrels’? Barrels’? Which8 pop group obtained its name from the London postal code for WWalthamstow?althamstow? The9 Quarrymen was the original name of which pop group? What10 is the nickname of Muppet Simon Smith in the TV series ‘The Muppets’?

By some miracle the right answers might actually be at the bottom of the next page. Huge apologies for the lack of answers in last week’s paper - if all goes to plan we should have both this week’s and the last on page 18 right now! [email protected] A-MAZE-ING Ben’s Riddlejoke entrance C o r n e r

A guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the pub is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean £200?!”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mum, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s exit suit!” 18 LIFESTYLE 4 March 2004

Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the University of Surrey Students’ Union... This week I am mostly … reminiscing about my rather colourful history of holiday jobs as the big wide world of proper employment T S BEEN ONE I LIKE GOING to the toilet. Not only is it I ’ roller coaster and a half has started to bite at my heels! of weeks, but I guess I always expected functionally quite useful, but it is also one of the only places I can go and totally relax it to be that way. For the last year I have Four weeks until the end of term and usually I’d be starting to hassle in the mad busy days of work. I also seem been wondering how I will feel when my temping agencies to employ me over the holidays in a desperate to have most of my inspirational moments successor is elected, and now I know. So attempt to boost my ever-dwindling bank balance. Since this year while in a toilet – maybe something about from having been the most stressed and I’m going to be spending the four-week break cobbling together the piece and quiet or slight echo helps me tired I have been in my life, over the past something worthy of defi nition as a dissertation, not to mention poring over books for see new ideas to problems. few weeks, for some bizarre reason, since revision purposes, I’ve decided [in one of my more sensible moments] not to commit to a BEFORE I move off the subject of toilets, coming into work on Monday I have been as full-time job as well. It’s a shame really – seemingly unable to hide my slightly quirky side here is a problem that I can never resolve. happy as larry. The Sabbaticals were warned from potential employers [despite my best efforts, believe me], the variety of jobs I’ve tried First I’ll set the scene: the toilet is near that we would hit a ‘low’ when the new team my hand at over the years makes for quite an unusual CV. My fi rst ever job was actually offi ce areas, you enter toilet and seal were elected, but completely the opposite dull dull dull – trust me, there’s no fun to be had in the world of mortgage processing. door, complete the bombing mission, and seems to have happened to us this year. At least not when my sole responsibility was inputting data into a computer, although then fi nd there is no air freshener. So the On Monday we ate lunch all together for admittedly about once every 90 minutes I experienced a brief frisson of excitement as yet problem is, do you: a) leave the door open the fi rst time a while, reminisced about the another couples’ property-owning fate was determined as a result of my mouse-clicking to clear the air, but make uncomfortable summer and were generally happy. Now I’m abilities. Actually, rereading that sentence drums home just how dull it must have been… the working lives of the people who have just waiting for that ‘low’ to hit us doubly That I shared an offi ce with twenty other women - at least half of whom had recently given to walk past during their working day, or hard next week. birth - did nothing to alleviate the boredom; rather I spent most of the day a pale shade of FTER b) shut the door, thus letting the odours A the election results last Friday, green, a colour induced by graphic stories of experiences in the maternity ward – a place I ferment, and meaning the next person to the current and new Sabbatical teams were can honestly say I never want to fi nd myself if its anything like what they described. use the toilet will have sever respiratory whisked off to a rather smart dinner with From fi nance I progressed to crime - the British Transport Police Commercial Fraud problems for the next few hours. the VC and associated ‘top people’ at the Squad in fact. Working in the evidence archives, keeping an eagle eye on crooked solicitors ANOTHER question, this time about traffi c University. As luck would have it, I was who came in to consult material. Unfortunately, this did involve working in an airless lights. You know those little boxes that you positioned opposite Chris (Funkyberry). basement with a stale-smelling Trekkie who enjoyed reading erotic literature across the press the button to psychologically make Last year, as sabbatical elects, we were desk from me. Thankfully most of the time I was too busy pretending I was Miss Marple you think that the traffi c lights will change allowed to bring a guest with us, and whilst [in her younger, strawberry blonde years] to be overly bothered by my colleague. I could sooner due to you pressing the button? Well four of us brought along our campaign tell you what case we were working on… but then I’d have to kill you. Let’s just say £40 have a feel on the underside of this box, managers, Chris seems quite content to bring million was involved – not your usual ticket-dodging prosecution I can assure you. The and on some of them there is a little knob his camera as his guest. He even placed it on case still hasn’t come to court actually – no doubt I’ll receive suitable recognition for my thing that turns around. Rumour has it that the seat next to him, and when questioned efforts once the verdict is fi nally passed. this affects the timings of the traffi c lights. on this last Friday, happily announced to The world of retail beckoned next - a home-shopping catalogue company, marketing If this is true then I rekon that people have everyone that he “ate the camera’s food themselves as a better-quality Ikea-type designer. Unfortunately their conviction that glass been messing around with it, as the traffi c too”! radiators [priced at a grand a time] would sell like hot cakes was apparently misplaced OW lights outside the Friary Centre just seem N for those of you who don’t know, - they soon went into receivership. I knew something was wrong when I discovered they totally silly. You wait ages to cross your apparently the Vice Chancellor is an avid hadn’t paid any of their suppliers for the last year and a half… road, while people are crossing the other ‘fan’ of both this column and my website, My background in interior design paved the way for my next, most recent job – the road. Then just as your lights go green, the in particular the weblog. But half way construction industry. Chief responsibilities here included making umpteen cups of tea, little green man starts fl ashing on the other through the meal the VC called across from daily bacon-buttie runs and generally acting as the token totty on-site. Yes I had my side, meaning you have to really run to get his table “I keep getting errors when I try to very own hard hat and sexy fl uorescent vest – all part of the health and safety procedure across both roads at once! Surely that is read your diary!” Jokingly I told him “well, involved in crossing an active railway line just to get to the bathroom. Offi ce pranks were a little dangerous for people like me that I’ve installed a programme that produces an par of the course – staplers were superglued to the roof of the portacabin, mobile phone never like just standing there! I’ll have to error every time someone looks at the page ringtones were changed to confuse contractors. I admit, I did at fi rst fall for their trick have a fi ddle with that little button, and see from Senate House, so you can’t read it!” of text-messaging the fax machine – yes I spent a couple of days convinced the offi ce if I can get the two sets of lights aligned. However, I think he might have believed equipment was talking to me. Fear not, revenge was sweet… did I mention I made their I’LL now give a shout out to the guy that me...! tea? | Catherine Lee FINALLY - you probably know that last fell asleep in the laundrette last Friday. I Sunday was February 29th, also known as was doing my washing quite late, and my the day on which females ‘traditionally’ spell in the dryer ended at 1:50. Through propose to their loved ones. Whilst on the entering the room, unloading 2 dryers, and phone to my mum on that very day she asked leaving, the guy hadn’t moved or made a me if anything “special” was happening sound. I wonder what people dream about Lyrics Quiz today. After the same was asked by Ben’s in a laundrette? And I wonder if the nice mum, and several friends of ours, the penny rhythmic drone of the dryers would soothe This week's quiz is from die hard barefacts-er Matt Adams - usual rules apply! fi nally dropped. People are expecting us you to sleep? If you see anyone else asleep to get engaged? But I’m only 22?! Wow... in the laundrette at the end of the night, 1. “A guy like you should wear a warning” it looks like, despite all my efforts to the then I will probably have given in to my 2. “We can live like Jack and Sally if we want” contrary, I am fi nally growing up. inquisitiveness. 3. “One, two, three, take my hand and come with me”

‘ickle sarah butterworth chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter 4. “Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth”

Cigarette moon, The Riddles:

Floyd, 6.U2, 7.Fleetwood Mac, 8.Marvin Gaye, 9.Prodigy, 10.Queen | | 10.Queen 9.Prodigy, Gaye, 8.Marvin Mac, 7.Fleetwood 6.U2, Floyd, 5. “When I’m in your arms I start believing”

1.The Beatles, 2.Nivarna, 3.Beach Boys, 4.R.E.M., 5.Pink 5.Pink 4.R.E.M., Boys, 3.Beach 2.Nivarna, Beatles, 1.The Quiz: Pub | Wings Broken – Mister 10.Mr Rodgers,

Crow – Everyday Is A Winding Road, 7.Pulp – Disco 2000, 8.Micheal Jackson – Smooth Criminal, 9.Feeder – Buck Buck – 9.Feeder Criminal, Smooth – Jackson 8.Micheal 2000, Disco – 7.Pulp Road, Winding A Is Everyday – Crow 6. “Right about now, the funk soul brother”

3.Fountains of Wayne – Stacy’s Mom, 4.The Rembrandts – I’ll Be There For You, 5.Shaggy – Boombastic, 6.Sheryl 6.Sheryl Boombastic, – 5.Shaggy You, For There Be I’ll – Rembrandts 4.The Mom, Stacy’s – Wayne of 3.Fountains

1.Bryan Adams – When you’re gone, 2.OutKast – Hey ya, ya, Hey – 2.OutKast gone, you’re When – Adams 1.Bryan

6 (that’s last week - oops!) asnwers: Lyrics Quiz: Lyrics asnwers: oops!) - week last (that’s 6 7. “He was a punk, she did ballet”

interactive week week interactive -|- 10.Scooter Beatles, 9.The 17, 8.East Jones, 7.Vinnie Lizzy, 6.Thin Barbera, and 5.Hanna

1.Five Miles, 2.Bluto, 3.Bolshoi, 4.George Formby, Formby, 4.George 3.Bolshoi, 2.Bluto, Miles, 1.Five quiz: pub to Heaven | 10. The Beatles - Yellow Submarine | | Submarine Yellow - Beatles The 10. | Heaven to 8. “Light up, light up, as if you have a choice”

Slim - The Rockafella Skank | 7. Avril Lavigne - Sk8ter Boi | 8. Snow Patrol - Run | 9. Led Zeppelin - Stairway Stairway - Zeppelin Led 9. | Run - Patrol Snow 8. | Boi Sk8ter - Lavigne Avril 7. | Skank Rockafella The - Slim 9. “There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold” Miss You | 3. Jet - Be My Girl | 4. Damien Rice - Canonball | 5. The Darkness - Love Is Only a Feeling | 6. Fatboy Fatboy 6. | Feeling a Only Is Love - Darkness The 5. | Canonball - Rice Damien 4. | Girl My Be - Jet 3. | You Miss

Britney Spears - Toxic | 2. Blink 182 - I I - 182 Blink 2. | Toxic - Spears Britney 1. quiz: lyrics

mountain walking, game, tamil, indian, mauritian, ofu, rag | | rag ofu, mauritian, indian, tamil, game, walking, mountain 10. “As we live a life of ease, everyone of us has all we need”

chemsoc, west country, stagecrew, scifi , celtic, eesoc, niteline, juggling, juggling, niteline, eesoc, celtic, , scifi stagecrew, country, west chemsoc, wordsearch: asnwers: 7 week interactive 4 March 2004 LIFESTYLE 19 the silly - Barefacts Personals - You know the drill - send an email with the subject line ‘personals’ to [email protected] and as if by magic they’ll appear in the next issue of bareafcts. If you#re sending in more than one, pop them in the same email, Stars will you? Cheers! by Psychic Sandy 2 weeks til I’m back, then the partying can | GU2 1350AM OR MW | NOW ON 107.3FM | Libra Aries really begin. love you guys xxx OR LISTEN LIVE ON WWW.GU2.CO.UK And… the gloves are You have been keeping Have you met spike yet? He’s going to be in Pretending you’ve got constipation and off! You may love the the odd secret lately… the Union... sitting on the toilet for 15mins so you don’t new woolly blue ones, however, it’s in a good have to do the washing up is not on!!! but we simply adore the cause so we’ll not let Vote [1] for Mark’s breath black leather, darling! the word out – don’t I hear it was cold around stag hill on friday... Expecting to see you out in the very near worry its safe with us! You’ve been looking That topic is so old guys, just leave it now!! Hey LITTLE john!!! future, though hopefully you shan’t be delectable in the suit babe, but you’re a Did anyone fi nd their superman on Big hello to everyone sociological. Thanx for drinking those odd concoctions again! little on the pale side at the minute. Give Wednesday?! making life less boring :-D us a little more time to get used to it, we’re Scorpio sure we’ll love it by next week! So you like Frankenstein & Egor...you’re fi lthy! Hello everyone upstairs at 56 Uni court. I love After a very relaxing What about T?? you guys - you make uni so much fun!!! weekend recharging Taurus your batteries, you are Oh on - its all been a Errr...Kebab...cheers for the brusies on the James or Jack - I bet you do look sexy in that knees! You star! yellow rain coat!!! xEx raring to go! Try not bit Groundhog Day for to get too hysterical, you lately, hasn’t it? Try Skid marks!! Sure it was the stage Captain Too cool for school makes monday though eating that much tuna is bound to and do the bald thing Everyready, in my opinion i think you should afternoons worth living - oh yeah!!! have its own particular effects! Woo hooo, this week, apparently have better hygeine! you’ve got a J.O.B.! Bring on the geek chic bald men are virile, and bald women are Jack V Corin asta eating comp: 9th march! and the hours, nay years, of fun! just incredible. Mad. But incredible. I don’t Vote [1] for Stuart by day Don’t cancel this time grumpy!! Adam and Eve it. Orange shades are cool GO AWAY!! “i love you badger boy, from your favourtie Sagittarius so go buy some. cheese sandwich!” Personally, I blame the Loved the costume Cob beautiful redhead with Gemini Kebabatron would like to formally apologise the big gob. Get yourself Things have been going FLASH...What were you doing in the toilets to Captain Chunks, she did not realise the full a lovely couture gold a little pear-shaped with Bok? I didn’t know Bok kept one of those extent of her powers and did not mean to dress and wear it out on for you lately, but its with her at all times!!! Nice touch. hurl her off stage! Friday night. If you wear it with a bonnet nothing a little cider Vote [1] for Max by night Do you really want spike to win? and some Reebok Classics, you will catch won’t cure! Make more than the odd admiring glance… if sure you keep a close beady eye on the No Nuke No Nuke!! congrats to everyone who stood in the you’re gonna do it, do it proper. munchkins, and all will go smoothly. A trip elections - you are all stars!! to town proved extremely profi table for you I miss our number....7,7....7! Capricorn over the weekend – just make sure that you What town centre are we in? Be wary (yes, wary not don’t start resting on your laurels now. Just couldn’t make it past the fi rst bedroom into your own, could ya?! Is it a frog, or is it a leaf? Place your bets now! weary, you illiterate lot!) of danger zone this Cancer Thats the last time you guys are allowed to special pasta! week as it may well Perhaps you could begin pass out in our house! hold more surprising learning Italian? I know Whips, electronic nipple clamps, stiletto heels, revelations than you expected… If you are you know the odd word Thanks for the wicked time Wed my 17 screams in the night and leopard skin prints? thinking of making a major lifestyle change already, but hey why lovelies! Just a standard night in the old quadrangle.. this week, make sure you research it not? Enjoy yourself Homer’s eyes looked a bit toasted... Miss KK, 1 fi nger or 2? properly – nothing worse than discovering now, while you still can…! Try going the hard way that the life of a tee-totaller Marilyn Monroe-blonde – a traffi c stopper Victor’s had a haircut, “I don’t believe it!” Whos the birthday boy with a mouth full of really doesn’t agree with you… if I ever saw one… onion, mustard, and mayonnaise, a screeching Unbalanced, I’m so sorry that YOU felt monkey g-string worn as a tie, and no lower Aquarius Leo embarassed on Wednesday! leg-hair...? You’re going to be Somebody is fi nding congratulations paintbrush! u deserve it! Wanted: New widescreen TV for student growing up soon so you utterly beguiling house, as big and expensive as possible, will bring it on… wooo this week. Make sure Happy Birthday Hannah. From House 65. be paid for by the drunken gimp who tried hooo!! A life in London you give them reason burning the screen of our previous one! is beckoning so start to – make an effort, Does being slightly bonkers have anything to getting excited… And you may fi nd some please! Lots of blusher and beautiful silver do with the initials CH? From CH Watch out, Spike’s about furry mice in the near future. Go see a shoes are a must so bring it on. Careful musical, if you haven’t already… I believe though, you may get a tad more than you Gwen, Tim and Sam thanks for being great Neil’s only ever chopped a cucumber, and friends and keeping me sane. You’re amazing! even then he did it wrong! there’s a number on. bargained for… Claire I can understand even a guy practising his Pisces Virgo who’s it to be? the cricketer or VP Sports? blow job technique on a banana, but as for Don’t touch that Oscar. Stop that bloody practising your kissing on an apple....how can You may be a grumpy screeching!! You may Happy Birthday Flash and Old Tart! that even help? old man but that doesn’t be a bit of a hippie but Walk-over! you know, i was waiting all day on the 29th! give you license to be there is pas de besoin rude! How is the house- for that dodgy music! I hope Cullen comes back from tour alive! Watch out for the decoy!!! hunting going, incidentally? Make sure you At least that’s what I believe they call it watch the party, it’s all going off on the in Hollywood circles. Freaks… I ask just Cullenator and Kebabatron - Genius! At least i know who to call if i need any rats loo-lah side. Don’t forget – it’s the mother one thing of you… please don’t ever wear catching!!! of all chickens, and it defi nitely doesn’t tie-dye ensembles. It will actually make me RAY’S MADNESS | PURE SEX COMING OUT OF YOUR SOUNDSYSTEM | SUNDAYS 11AM - 1PM Vote [1] RON over spike. care who it provokes. cry. A lot. 20 SPORT 4 March 2004 teamsurrey Surrey Cross Country Team Promoted

BY CHRIS THOMSON 2 respectively with times of 44.24 and 56.19. So after an excellent performance in the fi nal race Colours Ball 04 On a freezing cold February day in Victoria Park, London, and throughout the season Surrey fi nished second and 65 students from Universities in and around London lined up accomplished promotion to the fi rst division. Thanks also to SANDOWN PARK for the start of a 10,000 metre race (6.25 miles). the other runners who competed for us this season, Stephen This was the sixth and fi nal race in the London Colleges Finn, Adam Erickson and Ole Petersen. Their contribution RACECOURSE FRIDAY Cross County League in which the University of Surrey were meant we managed to scrape second place. Also thanks to in division 2. After 5 races Surrey were lying second in a Mimi Tsakiri for her work in the committee. TH PRIL division where the top three get promotion. All we needed to If anyone would like to join the athletics team we train at 30 A achieve this was to persuade a team of four athletes to brave the Spectrum on Tuesday and Thursday evenings at 6:30pm. the wintry weather and haul themselves around the lengthy All abilities are welcome. The BUSA outdoor championship course. As we were so far ahead of the team in fourth we just is the next big event and we hope to get a good team for all Three Course Meal, Wine, Live needed to complete the distance to be promoted. The hard events. Contact Andrew Moreton [email protected] or Band, DJ, Vodka Luge, Casino, work in gaining this lead had been done in the previous races Christopher Thomson [email protected] if you would where we had always fi nished in the top three. The lucky like any more information. and Many More Entertainments four men competing on this occasion were Andrew Moreton, Christopher Thomson, Ben Cross and Vincent Brown. Andrew Moreton led the way for Surrey keeping pace with the race leaders for the fi rst mile or so with Chris a little further behind. Ben, usually a 110m hurdler, was running in Launch Party: his fi rst ever 10k race and he managed to keep up with the middle of the fi eld with Vince following. Thursday Week 7 It was not long before the leading runners of division 1 endurance and experience started to tell and they managed to open up a lead on Andrew and Chris at about half way. in the HRB Andrew, who consistently fi nished in the top 5 runners in division 2, went on to win this race in his division in a time of 38. 29 and in doing so also won the individual FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT: league. Chris fi nished second in 38.50 and also second in the WWW.COLOURSBALL.INFO individual league in his fi rst season since starting training in the summer. Ben and Vince fi nished 15th and 19th in division Social Sports Day A Great Day On The Courts 2004 BY SHEA-MAINE LEE game from her but Kirstie still managed to win.. Next up WHEN? Wednesday 24th March was me, playing number 4. I managed to win the fi rst game Team Registration at 1pm Although we won our last game of the season against UCL quite easily, beating my opponent 9-1 but my opponent gave at home two weeks ago (which coincidently, was a fantastic me a really tough time in the next game but I still managed to day for all the teams as everyone played at home and all scrape a 10-8 victory. I somehow seemed to losemy rhythm WHERE? The Varsity Centre the 3 teams won), we didn’t expect to get through to the and subsequently lost the next two games. The fi nal game- next round of the tournament. We were shocked but also the decider, I was very determined to win the match and not WHAT? Enter a team of 7 people very excited to fi nd out that we managed to qualify to the let the team down proceeded to go all the way to do so by to compete in 5-a-side Tag Rugby, knockout round. winning in a convincing 9-4. Football, Frisbee, Netball, Tennis, Pop Having to play an away game at Plymouth, the day started On the next court was Magda, playing 3. As usual, Lacrosse, Tug-o-war, Sack Race and off very early. We met outside Senate House at half eight in Magda was all over the court getting every shot and plenty more. the morning and made our way to the station to start on the making her opponent run like crazy with her perfect drop 4 hour journey. We arrived in Plymouth with high spirits as shots and cross-courts. She managed a comfortable win for the fi rst time; we had our top 5 players playing together, of 3-1. Finally, it was Cat’s turn, playing number 1 seed. WHAT ELSE? BBQ and Bar Promotions but also slightly nervous as we didn’t know the strength of Knowing that we had already won, the pressure was off her. the Plymouth team. Nonetheless, she performed beautifully and won with ease, ANYTHING ELSE? Karaoke, prizes, raffle, After fi nding the university without much problem and in straight sets, 9-5, 9-3, 9-1. With this 5-0 win, we are now bungee run (subject to availability) warming up, the fi rst two on courts were Amanda and in the quarter-fi nals of this knockout round. So, keeping my Kirstie, playing 5 and 2 respectively. Amanda played very fi ngers (and toes!!) crossed, we will be able to do well in the COST? £10.00 per team (£5 returned well, trashed her opponent in straight sets, 9-1, 9-1, 9-1!! next few rounds and reach the fi nals, which would be a great on registration in Bar Vouchers) Kirstie’s opponent on the other hand managed to get one achievement!!

MORE INFORMATION & ENTRY FORMS The Sports Show on GU2 AVAILABLE FROM THE STUDENTS’ UNION Thursdays 1-4| With TUG ACTIVITY CENTRE, VARSITY RECEPTION AND UNISPORT CENTRE RECEPTION Campus phone: 811350 | Ex: 01483 681350 Email / MSN: [email protected]