Guide Discover new insights on sexuality in pregnancy and what you might need to create your unique pleasure prescription.
CLASS Pregnancy: 27–40 Weeks TOPIC Relationships & Sex MODULE The Pleasure Prescription
The information contained in this guide is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be medical advice. It also is not a substitute for regular medical care. Please consult with your care provider about your care options and for any medical advice. You should never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking medical advice or care because of any content presented as part of this guide. Reliance on the information presented in this guide is solely at your own risk.
2021 CLASS PREGNANCY: 27–40 WEEKS TOPIC RELATIONSHIPS & SEX
MODULE THE PLEASURE PRESCRIPTION
Insights
At this stage of pregnancy, having sex with your partner or masturbating probably feels really different and that’s more than ok. Our sexual skills and sexual understanding of ourselves exist on a continuum. Pregnancy can be an opportunity to relearn, reset, and right-size what sex looks like for you.
Key Points To Remember Takeaways
At this stage of pregnancy, having sex with your partner or masturbating probably feels really different. Pregnancy can be an opportunity to relearn, reset, and right-size what sex looks like for you.
A gentle place to start is with the Three “C’s”: Competence, Curiosity, and Compassion.
You can experiment with lubricants, sex positions, anal or vaginal intercourse, outercourse, or even abstaining from sex altogether to find what feels best for you during pregnancy.
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MODULE THE PLEASURE PRESCRIPTION
A Framework For Understanding Landscape This Experience
For starters, your primary sexual relationship is with yourself, not with your partner. The more embodied you feel in yourself, the more pleasure you’re able to experience and make space for.
A gentle place to start is with the Three “C’s”:
COMPETENCE CURIOSITY COMPASSION
understanding what’s staying open minded and practicing gentleness happening in your body curious as you explore around your past and during pregnancy and how pleasure during pregnancy present sexual experiences it could impact your desire and need for pleasure
COMPETENCE Let’s take a look at what’s changing in your body during pregnancy.
• At this stage of pregnancy, your vulva and the structures of your vulva are fuller, juicier, and may even have a slightly different color due to increased blood volume. • Your labia and clitoris may be more or less sensitive. You may find it easier or harder to have an orgasm. • You may feel more dry in terms of the vaginal lubrication. Estrogen level changes can reduce the fluid in your vaginal tissues. • Your nipples might have changed considerably as well. Your breasts, nipples, and areolas might be larger or darker in color.
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CURIOSITY Explore the difference between arousal and desire.
• Sexual arousal describes how excited or turned on you get when you anticipate sex or engage in it. Becoming highly aroused increases blood flow to the genitals, triggering the vagina to release a natural lubricant. Your vagina enlarges slightly and your vulva swells. Arousal sends blood rushing through the body, which can sometimes make you feel a tingling sensation or pounding in your heart. • Sexual desire (or libido) is having an interest in engaging in sexual activity. Desire can show up as sexual thoughts, feelings, or fantasies. Some people will experience high sexual desire during certain stages of their pregnancy, while others may experience low sexual desire.
• Responsive desire: Responsive desire means that you or your partner (if you have one) need to create an arousal enviroment in order for you to feel the desire to have sex. That could look like petting, making out, taking a bath together, watching porn, or touching yourself. • Spontaneous desire: Spontaneous desire occurs when you experience interest in sex spontaneously, without an environmental cue or reminder.1
COMPASSION Treat yourself with gentleness and compassion as you explore pleasure during pregnancy.
• A wonderful way to tap into that is to build out a pleasuregram. It can help you map out and identify the things that cultivate your desire, the things that turn you off, and the signals your body gives you when you’re aroused. You can use the pleasuregram to help build your own unique pleasure prescription.
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MODULE THE PLEASURE PRESCRIPTION
Pleasuregram
things that gray things that Get: turn me on area turn me off A Pen & Paper Do: Draw & Fill
In Your Own Pleasuregram
Things to Try Out And Integrate Skills & Strategies Into Your Life
LUBRICATION
One way to experience more comfortable penetration is to find a personal lubricant that works for you.
• You can use lube for solo sex or partnered sex. It can sometimes take a while to find a lube you love, but it’s worth experimenting until you do. • Water-based lubes require you to keep applying as you move through your pleasure experience. They tend to be great for people with sensitive skin. • Silicone lubes don’t require multiple applications during a sexual experience. • Consider choosing a lube with high iso-osmolality. This means the concentration of particles in the lube will be more similar to vaginal secretions. • You can test out lube on the skin of your arm first, to see how it feels.
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MODULE THE PLEASURE PRESCRIPTION
PENETRATION
When it comes to penetrative sex, it’s totally safe during pregnancy unless your care provider has told you otherwise. Don’t worry, your baby won’t be harmed since they’re safely tucked away in your uterus (thanks, uterus).
• Using a pillow or a wedge underneath your lower back, or being on all fours, can help take the pressure off your belly to create space for deeper penetration, if that’s what you’re feeling or in the mood for. • If deeper penetration feels uncomfortable, play around with outercourse by stimulating the clitoris and other parts of the vulva through rubbing, licking, or vibrating toys. Per usual: stay curious, have fun, find what feels good to you. • If vaginal penetration feels uncomfortable at this stage, anal penetration is a type of penetrative sex you could explore: • The anus has tons of nerve endings, which makes stimulating it pleasurable for many people. • Keep in mind that the anus is not a self-lubricating space. You’ll need a generous amount of lubricant in order to reach a place of comfort & pleasure. Hot tip: Consider using silicone lubricant because there’s very little need to reapply it. (So, fewer interruptions.) • If you decide to explore anal penetration, be gentle, go slow, communicate with yourself/your partner, and gauge what feels most satisfying for you.
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MODULE THE PLEASURE PRESCRIPTION
Feelings & Thoughts You Might Have About Mindspeak This Experience
INSTEAD OF:
“I should want to have sex more often than I do right now.”
TRY: “My body is going through a really transformative experience. If I’m not in the mood as often right now, I can be patient with myself and explore pleasure at my pace.”
INSTEAD OF:
“I should be having the same kind of sex I was having before I got pregnant.”
TRY: “There are so many physical changes that happen with pregnancy. I can stay curious and play around with different types of intercourse and outercourse to find what feels good for me right now.”
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MODULE THE PLEASURE PRESCRIPTION
Conversation Starters To Help You Discuss Talk About It This Experience With People In Your Life With a partner:
“Deep penetration is feeling uncomfortable right now. I’d love to talk about other ways to have sex.”
“I feel like my mind is so consumed with all the decisions we’re having to make right now. It’s hard for me to switch gears and be intimate. Can we try to schedule time to be together? That will help me feel more present with you.”
Things You Might Need To Feel Prepared For Needs This Experience
I CAN FIND SUPPORT THROUGH…
Alone time Taking a nap Alone (together) time Getting to bed early Get: A listening ear A meal A Pen Advice A snack & Paper Rescheduling a plan Movement Do: Conversation with care provider Sensory break Write Down Gadget time Your Needs. Asking for clarification
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MODULE THE PLEASURE PRESCRIPTION
Resources To Explore, If You Want To Keep Learning About This Experience Deep Dive
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
Where We Found Our Information On This Experience References
1 Nagoski, E. (2021). Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. New York: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
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