DECEMBER 2020 Vol 44, Issue No. 1108 womansera.com BUILDS HAPPY HOMES

13 16Articles 20 24 CHANGING COVID - 19: HUMAN HOW TO ROLEPLAY IN COPPER PERSPECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS BED WITHOUT FEELING APPLICATIONS: AN BY SARANYE EYER BY DISHA SHARMA STUPID EMERGING TREND BY NIDHI RAJ BY M. VINAYAK

34 BRANDY: THE 79 NOW OR NEVER! JUMPING QUEEN! BY RAMESHINDER SANDHU BY RAMESHINDER SINGH SANDHU 80 WHEN YOU STOP 35 WOMEN RIDING YOU GET OLD ENTREPRENEURS IN THE BY GREEMA MICHAEL DIGITAL ECONOMY 84 DIVORCE: ENEMY OF 48 HOW COMMON IS HAPPY FAMILY ASEXUALITY? BY PRABHULING DANDIN BY HIMSHIKHA SHUKLA 92 THE INDIAN DAILY SOAPS OVERCOMING 51 STOP SPIRALING FINANCIAL STRESS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS BY ENAKSHI J BY HIMSHIKHA SHUKLA TOGETHER DURING 96 CDC EXPANDS LIST OF COVID - 19 55 HOME THOSE WITH HIGHER BY SUJATHA RAO BY MEGHA BAJAJ 28 COVID 19 RISKS: A. KARTIKEYAN 64 RISK INCREASES WITH NUTRITIONS AND ALCOHOL USED IN EARLY 100 DON’T WAIT: DELICIOUS ● Black bean & walnut koftas Cookery PREGNANCY REACH OUT ● BY SHREE VARDHAN MANI BY A. KARTIKEYAN Salted Honey and Walnut Milk Latte 68 MASTURBATING IN 110 SENIOR SEX: WHAT ● Apple Walnut Hand Pies THE SHOWER INFINITELY CHANGES AS MEN GET ● Orange Turmeric and Vanilla Yogurt Smoothie BETTER OLDER? ● BY SHREE VARDHAN MANI BY A. KARTIKEYAN Coconut cury lentil and Walnut Meatballs ● Paan Custard ● Old Bombay Nankhatai ● California Walnuts Manipuri Thukpa ● California Walnuts Sikkimese momo 44 ● Walnuts Paneer Dum Biryani ● Walnut Paneer Makhani ● 72 Mango Walnut Sheerakeer ● No-Bake walnut Chocolate Brownie

DATING SOMEONE OLDER ISN’T ALWAYS A BAD IDEA BY A. KARTIKEYAN 47 NEW LAUNCHES 67 TEENACHE 71 BEAUTY QUERIES 83 I AM PREGNANT 62 IT’S A PUNNY 95 CHILD CHALLENGES WORD! 99 YOUR BODY Fiction BY I. M. SONI 112 KITCHEN QUERIES 32 WHEN OUTSIDE 88 SCHNITZELS AND 6 BEAUTY STUCK PAKODAS 112 CLASSIFIEDS BY RUNGEEN SINGH BY SUJAYA NAMBIAR CINEPLEX 56 ALL IS WELL THAT 104 NARROWING ENDS WELL! DIFFERENCES Features BY BHARATI RAO BY RITU KHURANA

114 AS YOU SAY Editor, Printer & Publisher OFFICES DIVESH NATH Mumbai: 1704, Lodha Supremus, Dr E Moses Marg, Worli Naka, Published on behalf of Delhi Printing & Worli, Geeta Talkies Building, Publishing Co. Pvt. Ltd. Mumbai-400018 [email protected] Phone: 09810160122 Printed at: B-23, Site-3, Industrial Area, EDITORIAL, ADVERTISEMENT & Meerut Road, Ghaziabad, PUBLICATION OFFICE Uttar Pradesh - 201003 Delhi Press Building, E-3, Jhandewala Estate, Fashion Readers’ Contests Founder: Vishwa Nath (1917-2002) Rani Jhansi Marg, New Delhi-110 055. Phone: 011-47377777. 1. Contribution articles and stories [email protected] Title WOMANʼS ERA registered with Government of India as trade mark. 2. For advertising and product promotion queries: Copy sale, subscription, [email protected] all advertisers and writers can send mail to: 3. To participate in features: [email protected] Womanʼs Era Delhi Press 4. Opinion on articles: E-3, Jhandewala Estate, [email protected] New Delhi-110055. INDIA 5. Subscriptions and others: [email protected] www.womansera.com

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EXERCISE AND AGEING The names of characters used in all ISSN 0971-1503 BY SHANTANU CHOUHAN fiction and semi-fiction articles are No article, story, photo or any other matter can be reproduced fictitious. from this magazine without written permission. COPYRIGHT NOTICE This copy is sold on the condition that © Delhi Printing & Publishing jurisdiction for all disputes concerning 36 Co. Pvt. Ltd. sale, subscription and published matter New Delhi-110 055. INDIA. will be forums/tribunals at Delhi. FASHION FORECAST Self-addressed stamped envelopes must be enclosed with all manuscripts, otherwise the rejected material will not be returned. No responsibility is assumed for material submitted for publication. EDITORIAL BIHAR ELECTIONS 2020: vaccine first? This depends on where Covid is spreading when the vaccine becomes available. This entails the TEJASHWI YADAV WON requirement of cold chain facilities to store and HEARTS DOWN transport vaccines, training medical staff to administer he National Democratic Alliance (NDA) managed to various types of vaccines, and the cost of the retain power in Bihar with the BJP’s 74 seats nationwide vaccination exercise. To vaccinate a huge Tpropelling the alliance past the majority mark of population like that of India, it will take at least a year to 122 in the 243-member Bihar assembly, still Tejashwi reach each and every countryman. While Yadav’s party Rashtriya Janata Dal (RJD) emerged as the pharmaceuticals are racing for vaccine development single-largest in the Bihar Assembly elections. He has and their availability, the rest of us are struggling to emerged as a promising new face in Indian Regional keep our heads above water. politics as well as national politics. Tejashwi did a good job. He got his party back in the game. He enthused his DESPITE VACCINE, LIFESTYLE HAS voters, but failed to expand his base. Tejashwi’s fighting performance, believe analysts, also demonstrates that COMPLETELY CHANGED there is a new template emerging in India's elections. Living through a pandemic, the lifestyle has changed Tejashwi ran a brisk campaign. He kept his speeches short forever and so is the economy and will never be the and crisp, put caste on the backburner and spoke same, even if the world is safe again. There’s nothing relentlessly about jobs, healthcare and education. normal or we can assume that this is the NEW NORMAL. Further, his attempts to make jobs and employment a Despite of re-openings of public spaces as well as not- main election plank has attracted low-key appreciation so-public places, staying healthy has taken on more from the youth. Keeping the election local, focusing on meaning than ever before. The transformation in our local issues and fielding strong local leaders has helped lifestyles is next to irreversible even if we get a vaccine, RJD to revive back in Bihar and won the hearts of youth. as this pandemic has created a deep impact on our daily routines. The words like pandemic, lockdown, self- isolation and quarantine, and many more… have THE STALWARTS DEPART WHEN already taken charge on our vocabulary and CONGRESS NEEDED THEM MOST conversations. Those who have suffered setbacks, and It’s a bad coincidence for crisis-torn Congress that those who have not, have changed their approach to Ahmed Patel and Tarun Gogoi died in the span of three spending already. The majority are spending on days. Both leaders were treasurers of the Congress and essentials as always, but less on what is avoidable. We celebrated for their ability to retain their sanity amid are using hand sanitizers, putting clothes inside wicked politics and keeping the grand old party well- washing machines the moment we get back home. coordinated with others. Congress party has lost These newly developed good habits shall remain irreplaceable comrades, a faithful soldiers and ultimate unchanged for years to come. So, here we are in the defenders. Both the demises are definitely going toc NEW WORLD of NEW NORMALS. change the equations of regional politics in Assam and [email protected] We Gujarat. They were one-window grievance redressal forum and aspiration fulfilment forum. Congress may Legend Diego Maradona: 30 October 1960 - 25 November 2020 have lost not just its guardian in Assam but also a link that binds the anti- BJP coalition it is trying to establish the assembly election next year. Now the youth of congress has a big challenge to face – How to fill the vacuum that demises of these veterans have created! COVID 19 VACCINE: STILL A YEAR AWAY FROM COMMON MEN Ongoing human trials of vaccine developed by Pfizer- BioNTech and Moderna Inc have pointed to high efficacy rate of 95%, sowing hopes across the world in the battle against the pandemic that has claimed 1.34 million lives and upended economies. Most of the experts are confident that India will get a vaccine very soon, their concern us how the country will scale up to vaccinate its 1.3 billion population. Who will get the Cartoon: Mika Azizi

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 5 CinePlex

Aamir Khan’s Daughter Ira Khan Faced Sexual Harassment At The Age Of 14, “I Didn’t Know What That Person Was Doing”

n World Mental Health Day, Aamir Khan’s daughter Ira OKhan opened up about going through depression. In a recent video shared by Ira on her social media, she talked about mental illness and stated that we should have more conversation on the topic. Recently, Ira Khan shared a selfie video on her Instagram, where she talked about the incidents that have happened to her over the years. Ira revealed that despite having all the privilege, she was sexually harassed at the age of 14.

Saif Ali Khan Confirms Debut Of His Son Ibrahim Ali Khan, Says, “I’d Like All My Children To Be In This Profession” brahim Ali, who is Saif Ali Khan’s son from his first wife IAmrita Singh, is all set to make his debut in Bollywood. For those who don’t know, Ibrahim is a very good cricketer like his grandfather the legendary Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi. The star kid had a choice of making a career of cricket or acting. He has opted for the latter. And the father is all for it. Saif Ali Khan Says, “Ibrahim seems prepared for a career in acting. And why not? I’d like all my children to be in this profession. It is the best place to work in. I remember at 17-18 I was a mess. Acting saved me from suicide. Having the job, the sense of identity it has given me, and the job satisfaction and the enjoyment it has given me are more than I could ask for.” From Bollywood... Nushrat Bharucha Revealed She Was ushrat Bharucha, Scolded By Hansal Mehta On The Sets Of who rose to fame Chhalaang Nwith Pyaar Ka Punchnama, is all set to make her Digital debut with Hansal Mehta’s Chhalaang, co-starring Rajkummar Rao. While spilling the beans about her shooting experience with Hansal Mehta, the actress is quite excited about the release of the film. In an interview with Hindustan Times, Nushrat Bharucha was asked to share a fun story while she shot Chhalaang, she recalled her first day of the shoot when she was left nervous, as she had the director upset at her.

Sanjeeda Sheikh Opens Up On Becoming A Mother, Says Daughter Is The Only Companion

anjeeda Sheikh is a much- cited name in the glamour Sworld. She was married to Aamir Ali and the two looked like a fabulous couple together. Now, they’ve been separated and no one has announced the main reason for this. Earlier this year, we heard the news that the two had embraced parenthood via surrogacy before their split. Aamir Ali took to his Instagram to introduce his daughter to the world on her first birthday and now the mommy Sanjeeda Sheikh is all set to talk about her daughter during her interview before the release of her Netflix original Kaali Khushi. Prince Narula’s Wife Yuvika Chaudhary Opens Up About Pregnancy Rumors, Says, “I Want A Baby But…”

rince Narula and Yuvika Chaudhary are one of the Pmost loved couples in the entertainment industry. The two met inside the Bigg Boss house and got married in October last year. The couple is quite active on social media and they keep entertaining their fans and followers with mushy pictures and videos. Recently, a video of Prince Narula’s wife Yuvika Chaudhary has gone viral on social media which sparked pregnancy rumors. Now, Yuvika Chaudhary has refuted the pregnancy news and said he would love to have a baby but not now.

Shaheer Sheikh Is All Set To Tie The Knot With Ruchikaa Kapoor In December: Details

V star Shaheer Sheikh has been a secretive man. THowever, there have been many rumors or his love life. He was rumored to be dating Soumya Seth, Erica Fernandez after his relationship with Indonesian singer Ayu Ting Ting ended. But a few weeks ago, Shaheer Sheikh made a social media post which took the internet by storm. The actor shared a picture of his rumored girlfriend Ruchikaa Kapoor and called her ‘my girl’. Now, as per the latest reports, Shaheer Sheikh and Ruchika Kapoor will take the plunge in December. ne’s body is one’s own choice and no one Oshould be allowed to comment on it in any form. Singer Neha Bhasin released a Neha Bhasin Writes An Open Letter To song Rehnde Rehnde recently which talked about Trolls, Says, “You Encourage Me To Show cyberbullying, highlighting her The Nakedness” experience on the same. This is a song that she has dedicated to her haters who made her go through hell. Now, Neha Bhasin shared an open letter in which she wrote about the death and rape threats she received after the song was released.

After His Nude Photo, Milind Soman Posts Shirtless Pic With Wife Anita Konwar

ilind Soman has been in the limelight for a very Mlong time. The model has been one of the sexiest men of all time. Yesterday, Milind Soman made it into the headlines for posting a picture while running nude on the beach. He was in the news for this pic and many people even made memes on him. This was kind of his way of wishing himself on his birthday. The sensational body of the actor and model made everyone gush and we’ve been eyeing the same since yesterday. Now, he has shared yet another picture on his social media from his Goa vacation and this time it is with his wife Ankita Konwar. After Running Nude On A Beach, Milind Soman’s Photo Wearing Nose Pin and Kajal Stuns Everyone ilind Soman has been in the limelight for a very Mlong time. The model has been one of the sexiest men of all time. A few days back, Milind Soman was in the headlines for posting a pic while running nude on the beach. This was kind of his way of wishing himself on his birthday. The actor/model even lend into some legal trouble for posting the particular picture on his social media. Now, Milind Soman has again surprised his fans and followers with his new look by sharing a picture of him donning a nose pin and Kajal.

Ishita Dutta Reacts On Her Pregnancy Rumors, Says, “The Bump Has Come By Me Eating All The Mithai’s”

any Bollywood stars and TV actresses have Mannounced their pregnancy in the past few months during the lockdown. And many new speculations have been coming out about different actresses. One such name is that of Ishita Dutta. The actress tied the knot with her love Vatsal Seth some time back. She recently posted a picture with her hubby on her social media and rumors started going abuzz about her pregnancy. There have been many speculations about her pregnancy as people could notice her bump in the picture. Now she has finally reacted to the news of pregnancy.

angana Ranaut has been the talk to the town after Kthe death of Sushant Singh Rajput. She is one of them who never shy away from share their views or opinion on everything. Kangana Ranaut is quite active on social media and often she has been seen either schooling someone or putting her point in everything. Recently, Kangana Ranaut took to her Twitter handle to re-tweet a speech by new US Vice President Kamala Harris. While sharing the Kangana expressed her support to the new Vice President and compares Joe Biden to Ghajini.

Kangana Ranaut Compares Joe Biden to ‘Ghajini’, Says, “Kamala Harris Will Run The Show” Bigg Boss Fame Priya Malik Opens Up About Engagement With Karan Bakshi and Divorce With Ex-Husband

riya Malik rose to extreme fame when she was seen in Pseason 9 of Bigg Boss. Although she did not take the trophy home but managed to make the show more interesting by adding a lot of drama to it. Recently, Priya announced her engagement to Delhi-based entrepreneur, Karan Bakshi, but had exchanged rings in 2019. Priya Malik also talks about her divorce from Bhushan Kumar and what led to keep it a secret for a very long time. We Changing Perspective Defining ways to change oneʼs perspective. By Saranye Eyer

“Oh, that’s how we do things at lighthouse’, “For one’s children so Travel : Travelling is opening home. It is happening since my often gave one’s own perceptions a doors to welcome new thought grandmom’s generation” little thrust forward.” processes and that is new “Oh, they both are the same. perspectives. Travel is partly like Birds of a feather flock together, Change your perspective – reading. Reading enables you to isn’t it? They have the same Know ways to do so imagine and through imagination, thinking” What are the techniques with you converse with the characters “Do you know what that girl which one can introduce a new and experience the pleasure of said? No wonder, that’s how she is perspective or unlearn their current traveling to a new place or era. conditioned” perspectives? Traveling is all of that but for a “A child said that! I can’t believe Introspect: See within you before ticket price. Jokes apart both work it. That is how he is conditioned. All reaching for anything else. It is very intimately in providing resources to thanks to the upbringing” important to look within yourself change one’s mindset or attitude and reflect. What is your reaction towards life or people. e all know how all of the towards something, how do you When we travel, we see new above statements point to behave to a group of people, Do the people or a new culture, listen to Wthe conditioning and the people mingling with you draw a the stories of the people inhabiting effect of mingling with the same positive aura from you, are you that area, experience the pain- perspectives. A perspective doesn’t ready or open to learning a new points and pleasure-points making have a defined lifespan. It might die approach? Ask these questions and you empathize with the people in an early death or it may live to see reflect on your answers. Not only that area. A new perspective is born many generations. So clearly, a said that, introspection is good but right there. perspective definitely has a cradle acting on the reflections is way but need not necessarily have a powerful. Socialize: Meet your friends but defined period to be able to meet meet a different set of friends. And its grave. Read: “Reading gives you a make sure you have friends with better perspective”. Reading is different perspectives and outlook. Let’s understand more about powerful. We all agree to it and are Even if ‘Birds of same feathers flock bad conditioning. on the same page with that phrase. together’ is true in every sense, that What is bad conditioning? Can we By reading, not only your language doesn’t lead to your growth. You delve more into it to understand it or grammar skills get a boost, but will have the same conversations better? the churning happens within you. day in and day out and there will be I would say bad conditioning is That churning will concoct new no challenges and healthy growth in when the exposure to a certain set theories, new perspectives, your trajectory of life. Welcome of people becomes so limited and growing a fresh stream of thoughts new people in your life and make remote that they do not get a new inside you. Once reading penetrates yourself open to facing those perspective different from their inside you, nothing can stop it from people. Only through new people own and that leads to one kind of growing inside you. And with every and people with different conditioning, and further make phrase, text, or voluminous perspectives and interests will them thrust the same on their books/journals/research papers you assure you break free from your children or on their families. And read, your current mindset, that age-old beliefs and stereotypes. what happens? As Virginia Woolf which you have grown up with will Only then you will sit and parse your puts it in her novel ‘To the get a makeover. perspectives in minute detail. We

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 13 Organic India’s Gifts of Health Build immunity through healthy living.

mmunity is the force of a human The Making of Organic India Organic India’s Ashwagandha body to restrict itself from a Immunity Ashwagandha is a natural Iparticular ailment or infection Organic India Immunity is made treatment for low energy states & with the proximity of antibodies or of precisely chosen natural herbs general exhaustion, a tendency white-platelets. The immunity trusted by Ayurveda from centuries. towards infections, cold, and flu. A system works sublimely of powerful anti-stress agent, strengthening the body's response Katuki Ashwagandha help relieves mental, to illness and fights the new Katuki is an exceptionally well physical & emotional stress, substances that attack our system. known spice, utilized for the most restores & builds energy and helps As we stay home to combat the part in Ayurvedic medications, to prevent cold. The supplement is current health crisis, it’s important treat asthma by decreasing made with certified organic to take this time to focus on our allergen-instigated bronchial Ashwagandha root. It increases overall health and immunity. Our impediments. Known for its germ-fighting agents in your system immune system requires balance mending properties, it is suggested such as white blood cells and and harmony to function well and for treating skin issues, headache platelets. The highly-valued herb making healthy, conscious choices is etc. It fortifies the safe reaction to helps de-stress and is a natural a great way of keeping it strong and viral and bacterial diseases. treatment for a tendency towards resistant to illness and disease. infections, cold, and flu. Ayush Kwath Organic India immunity- A blend of the healing Tulsi, Organic India’s Turmeric boosting measures for self along with Cinnamon, Ginger, and Formula consideration during Black Pepper, this formulation is It is made with certified organic Coronavirus pandemic ideal for boosting the immune turmeric and pepper. The active With their new extent of system. Ayush Kwath has pepper agent in turmeric, curcumin, immunity products, Organic India is which is advanced with antibacterial drastically reduces inflammation in demonstrating a drive to give and mitigating properties, and the body while supporting blood power pack enhancements to ginger – a remarkable treasury of 24 and liver function. Remember the boosting up the protected enemies of oxidants! The calming Haldi you consume in your dishes resistance system of our body. idea of cinnamon and the blood- daily may not suffice –curcumin Organic India Immunity is said to cleaning properties of Giloy in the comprises only 3% of Haldi. Also, improve a low immune system by Tulsi Cinnamon Giloy infusion work pepper is a thoughtful ingredient to warding off its signs, for instance, from within, helping build up mix in – it enhances the absorption normal colds/flu, etc. With their resistance. The ‘Queen of Herbs’, of curcumin. tremendous variety of products, all Tulsi, wards off respiratory consolidated to work towards infections, and reduces stress. Both Giloy strengthening your immune system. infusions are certified organic so The supplement Giloy, made with Change is in every case great, your gift packs more punch. organic Guduchi stem, is yet they state, particularly when it another immunity-boosting comes bound with great wellbeing! supplement that must form part of There's an abundance of advantage your immunity-boosting pack. The in starting the day with a vibe Guduchi stem is effective in treating decent cup of Ayush Kwath or Tulsi all types of infections and acts as a Cinnamon Giloy herbal infusion potent anti-viral, anti-bacterial, and –jampacked with protective and anti-fungal agent. healing herbs. The mixtures are an incredible method to slow down Immunity Kit Essential toward the day's end, as well. This comes with 25 Ayush Kwath Unwind and permit the warm Infusion packs, 25 Tulsi Cinnamon integrity of spices to alleviate you Giloy Infusion sacks, and 60 cases and usher in serene, remedial rest. every one of Ashwagandha.

Covid-19: Human Relationships A sudden realisation from robotic relationships to human relationships. By Disha Sharma

he deadly disease Coronavirus Concept of Joint Family and The statistics of the joint families which has spread worldwide transition to Nuclear Family are quite evident to prove that Tis becoming a horror phase of The concept of a joint family across India, the need to be in a everyone’s life. The moments of which was earlier hailed by joint family decreased. boredom in isolation are forcing us everyone suddenly took a backseat to think about our unforeseen due to various reasons. These future. Interestingly, this sudden reasons varied from time constraint wave of pandemic Coronavirus is to excessive indulgence in working not only questioning our lifestyle, life and a desire to obtain privacy. but it has also pointed out the Love and discipline were the two unavoidable idea of spending time primary components to living life with relationships. Be it parents or but due to the indulgence in our beloved boyfriend or spouse, ignoring parents’ advice and children due to our busy life we’ve constant disrespect towards their been witnessing an increasing trend elders vanished the idea of being in of avoiding our utmost important a family. blood relations or the loved ones. Over the decades, mental healing through compassion and forgiveness in a community was the most preferred purpose of obtaining a self-fulfilling life. As per the socio-demographic analysis, the percentage of joint families fell significantly from 19.1 percent (3.69 crores) to 16.1 percent (4 crores) across India. In the rural areas, the dip was sharper– from 20.1 percent to 16.8 percent. Comparing these statistics with urban areas, then it fell from 16.5 percent to 14.6 percent. Surprisingly, with due course of time, people started adapting themselves to a surrounding which demanded more independence. Regular bickering with parents or elders over the property, jealousy, greed, and betray nature began emerging which made all of us go away from the basic necessity of life that is showing respect towards living in a family. Relationships are the utmost ingredient of our precious and LOVE AND DISCIPLINE of a live-in relationship. However, fulfilling recipe of life which adds among this 26% would choose a flavour to your bore and dull life. It WERE THE TWO lifelong live-in relationship. can make anyone feel emotionally PRIMARY Other than this a survey found bloom in their life and keep you out COMPONENTS TO out that 80 percent of the millen of all toxicities. An idea of LIVING LIFE BUT DUE TO nials believe that Indian society brotherhood towards the upcoming considers live-in relationships a civilization was quite prevalent THE INDULGENCE IN huge taboo. While 47 percent find before the advent of the nuclear IGNORING PARENTS’ marriage is better than living-in with family but gradually faced a sudden ADVICE AND CONSTANT their partner. diminishing point. An intention of falling in love is DISRESPECT TOWARDS an easy cake to bake but to THEIR ELDERS CORONAVIRUS LOCK DOWN LIFE always rekindle it with your VANISHED THE IDEA OF The acceptance of living a life BEING IN A FAMILY. with your partner separately constant efforts of empathy and without marriages has only resulted sensitivity towards your partner or in a loner lifestyle. A new report family members is the element to suggested that majority of women feel rejuvenated at every step of are tending to be unhappier in a life. live-in relationship but happier in In the light of untimely anger, the married life. gradually people who tend to be During the Corona days, the caged in a vicious circle of immature conditions have been changed. In thoughts started sending vibes of several aspects, a question mark living a life as inexperienced about has been raised. From lifestyle to their life. relations, each facet of our life has A style of living emerged which come under the radar of is being considered as the maintaining a balance between representation of individualistic appropriate and inappropriate life, attitude for their selfish needs. A thus affecting our attitude towards live-in relationship began to kick in four types of relationships- Family and became a trend to put their’s relationships, friendships, choice first before parents. acquaintanceships, and romantic Over 80 percent of Indians relationships. supported the concept of the idea Another factor that we can count on is the complete New Exploration of home violence. The power of tolerance transformation of our lifestyle activities: Cooking, indoor games, has also been reduced at a greater including various thoughts. and interesting activities were level. The majority can’t bear a considered boring if we were busy. second of argument and many Habits: There were times when Now, a sudden realisation has spouses start beating their loving we used to lit our cigarettes and knocked us at our head to make us partner without giving a single drink alcohol with a fad and blew believe that there is also another thought. the smoke holes without giving a life except living your life round the Across the world, the cases of single thought that it might kill us. clock. domestic violence increased by 20 But now several thought bubbles percent during the lockdown. appear into our mind. Be it our ill Togetherness: A term which was Several people are caged at home health or making us feel die, every coined in 1954 by McCall's magazine with their abuser. possible thought comes into our put forward to carry out his public A simple thought of living minds. Thus, it is allowing us to campaign to promote family together in a family can allow us to completely transform our habits. activities through good ways and think about a daily trip of sharing Making us believe the idea of self- accomplish it nicely. The word ideas generating a supportive introspection, COVID 19 has started losing its value when a trend attitude among the family successfully generated a feeling of of self-obsessiveness life kicked in. members. showing concern to ourself. Still, many reports are citing the increasing number of domestic Physical intimacy: This aspect Family time: In these present has been a topic of debate over the scenarios, due to the advancement THE ACCEPTANCE OF years. Receiving the approval of of science and technology, the old LIVING A LIFE WITH their live-in partner from the family school of love has been lost YOUR PARTNER members is a debatable topic. somewhere behind the dark clouds Taking these deadly days into of a hectic schedule. SEPARATELY WITHOUT account, it can be said that possibly Being always busy with your MARRIAGES HAS ONLY it’s a reminder for those who Smartphone’s, social media- RESULTED IN A LONER indulge in their physical intimacies Facebook, Twitter, Instagram made excessively and casually to rethink our life self-obsessed. Therefore, LIFESTYLE. A NEW their acts in their society. subtracting our significant time for REPORT SUGGESTED Though this physical intimacy loving our family, spouses, or a THAT MAJORITY OF has been affected to a large extent child. Family time has been washed it is also making us realise the away completely because we are WOMEN ARE TENDING importance of self-worth, self- too busy to show our concern to TO BE UNHAPPIER IN A control, and self- indulgences so our parents. These devices have LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIP that we can take our life seriously. stopped us from thinking and applying our brains to communicate BUT HAPPIER IN THE Goals of our life: Hectic schedule with our parents. MARRIED LIFE. has also made us run from pillar to the post towards money, fame, and high aspirations to achieve dreamy goals. By getting a break like this, it’s only making us realise the importance of capabilities, happiness, and passion. Thereby, making us ascertain a very basic thought- what exactly we want from our life. So, it can be said that relationships have drastically been affected by the sudden outbreak of Coronavirus but it has also made us realised the importance of being human and not a robot. Before this, undoubtedly, we were moving towards a robotic life but Corona has aptly allowed us to paddle our cycle of work a little bit slow. We

18 Woman’s Era ● December 2020

ole play is one of the best make sure you have a safe (and or your partner, the words will ways of flirting with your fun!) experience. Sometimes come and then you can follow each Rwildest sexual fantasies. So, though, the pressure to be other’s lead. it’s no surprise that a lot more of us inventive and sexy can become too You may know exactly how you these days are enjoy exploring a much in the heat of the moment, want your fantasy to end. If you do, range of possible sexual scenarios and you can find yourself drawing a you should also let your partner through acting and imagination - total mind-blank about which roles know. But you may want to be aka roleplay. Remember, whenever you might actually want to play. surprised at what happens, in which you're trying a new sex thing, you The first few “lines” of your role case, imagine what your character must have a good old chat with play might feel awkward or silly - would say or what you’d want them your partner beforehand. You must and that’s OK. This is a new game, to say, and go for it. No theatre discuss expectations, and and no one expects you to be critic will be there to tell you if you boundaries, and safe words. And perfect at the beginning. It’s alright did a good job. If you end the scene there has to be trust and honesty in to laugh and fumble through at naked, sweaty, and satisfied, you've your relationship - because this will first. If it’s a strong fantasy for you performed well!

20 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 HOW TO ROLE PLAY IN BED WITHOUT FEELING IF YOU’RE A KEEN HISTORIAN AND/OR HAVE WATCHED STUPID DOWNTOWN ABBEY (AREN’T THEY Role play sex ideas you have to ROUGHLY THE SAME THING?), YOU MIGHT try at least once By Nidhi Raj WANT TO PLAY AT lets you be someone you don’t Just make sure you’ve moved BEING A MEMBER OF think you are - aggressive, bold, any sharp pencils from the area... HOME HELP STAFF, overtly sexual - in a safe way. OBEYING A MASTER So, here are some role play ideas The classic maid or butler OR MISTRESS. for you to have at your fingertips, This role play can have as much OR MISTRESS. ready to act out at a moment’s historical flair as you like. If you’re a notice... keen historian and/or have watched Downtown Abbey (aren’t they Getting it on with your roughly the same thing?), you might manager or work superior want to play at being a member of Role play often relies on home help staff, obeying a master breaking taboos and creating or mistress. power dynamics. Therefore, unsurprisingly, work-based role An erotic massager plays are a bedroom staple. But, if Given that massages essentially you want to truly channel the office make someone as horny as possible vibes, maybe leave the bed without ever getting them off, a Make it Kinky... or don’t altogether and try having sex on a massage that takes you ‘all the way’ Some role play fantasies are table or desk. is a real treat. But, if you’re playing inherently about power - the While this can result in a slightly the masseuse, make sure you pay teacher and student, or officer and bruised bum or desperate fumbling attention to all the different parts criminal. One of you has power over as you try to move your laptop out of your partner’s body before you the other and can “have your way” of harm’s way, overall, it’ll be worth start to getting it on. That way the with the other. It’s a great way to it. payoff will be even more satisfying. explore a kinky power exchange dynamic in a more playful way, without some of the seriousness and intensity. But not all role play scenarios have to be that way. Pretending to pick up your partner at a bar, or acting like you’re on a blind date Someone youdon’t know pretend you’re rolling around in a Maybe put on a soundtrack that Get your partner to approach haystack. Try your best to recreate reminds you of your teens and try you as though you’ve never met and the naughtiness of doing it alfresco and remember that time of sexual are complete strangers, to treat as well as the romance of the frustration. Bring that extreme your body like they've never seen it wilderness - even if in reality, you’re desire back to the surface and allow before, and to take you with all the only shagging with the window it to erupt all over again – but this frenzied lust that drives two people open and rolling about laughing at time, hopefully, with a little more who don’t know each other’s names those dodgy accents. control and skill. to jump into bed together. It’s the best of both worlds: all Your first time Yog! master/instructor the fun of stranger sex without any Because, for most people, It doesn’t matter how flexible of the anxiety that the person actually losing their virginity was you are – anyone can make a yoga you’re sleeping with might be an either painful, embarrassing or role play work. You can go pro, absolute playboy/girl/person who unfulfilling, it’s fun to be able to contorting your body into will ghost you tomorrow. recreate the event. impressive yet erotic positions, or you can embrace being a total An authority figure(gp or TWO PEOPLE WHO novice and simply waggle your bum medical professional in the air claiming it’s ‘downward The doctor/patient scenario is DON’T KNOW EACH dog’. Whatever your aptitude, hot because it involves an authority OTHER TO JUMP INTO pretending to be a yoga instructor figure. But this becomes still hotter BED TOGETHER. IT’S can be a particularly fun, when the authority figure has a experimental role play, encouraging reason to touch you - AND if you THE BEST OF BOTH you to adopt ambitions positions have a sexy doctor's or nurse's WORLDS, ALL THE FUN and to serenely instruct your outfit. Try giving your partner a OF STRANGER SEX partner where to place their limbs. ‘physical’ and explain to them that a normal side effect of such WITHOUT ANY OF THE Monnarchy, darling procedures is that they might start ANXIETY THAT THE Whatever your personal, political to really, really want to have sex stance on the monarchy, regal role with you. PERSON YOU’RE plays can be very hot. You may not SLEEPING WITH MIGHT fancy Prince William, but that Outdoorrsy sex scenes BE AN ABSOLUTE doesn’t mean you don’t fancy By this I mean rural romps... I'm playing-at being a princess. I mean, I talking farm hand or milk maid- STRANGER WHO WILL reckon the only reason we haven’t based role play. Practice perfecting GHOST YOU abolished the monarchy is that we your southern American twang and TOMORROW. find the whole thing, well, sexy. But don’t let the royals have all the fun – bring the eroticism of dynasty to your one bedroom flat and command that your lover reveal their *ahem* sceptre. Role play in the bedroom (or bar, hotel, or anywhere else) can be an amazing outlet to share your sexiest fantasies, try new things, and explore your kinks. It can also be a lot of fun leading to laughter and sex, which is never a bad combination! The important thing is to be open with your partner and let your imagination lead the way. Be willing to be silly and make mistakes - this is supposed to be fun! And, as you get better at getting into character and letting go of your inhibitions, you might be surprised at where your fantasies take you. We

22 Woman’s Era ● December 2020

Copper Applications: An Emerging Trend Benefits of Drinking Water from A Copper Vessel You Should Know! By M. Vinayak

istorically, Copper was the the only metal with anti-bacterial In ancient India, people had a first element known to man. properties, which were proved to practice of storing water in copper HThe chalcolithic era or be true even during the 1800s when vessels. copper age saw man progress from copper mine workers were immune According to Ayurveda, using stones as weapons to to Cholera. Over the centuries consuming copper-enriched water replacing it with copper. Ancient copper has been used in various on an empty stomach every societies like Ancient Egypt, Rome, forms to treat various illnesses morning will help balance the three Greece, Somalia, Incas, Aztecs and including cuts, headaches, even doshas namely – Kapha, Vata, and Indians used copper in various varicose veins. The rise of ayurvedic Pitta. Copper is also popular forms, from currency for trade to usage and indigenous medicines has because of its purification property. household products. Ayurvedic seen a rise in use of copper It’s an important trace mineral that texts mention the use of copper products in household items, plays a vital role and promotes good vessels for drinking water. Copper is especially copper vessels and cups. health.

24 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 Kills bacteria Brain stimulator The two most common bacteria In the brain, small amounts of in the environment are E.coli and copper present inside certain S.aureus, and they’re known to enzymes help in the formation of cause severe physical ailments. key neurotransmitters. This allows Copper behaves like a sterilizer and the brain cells to ‘talk’ to each other can effectively eliminate these and in turn, makes your brain work bacteria which further prevent efficiently and faster too. Copper is waterborne diseases such as also known to have the anti- jaundice, diarrhoea, and dysentery. convulsive property that helps prevent seizures. Aids digestion Within the stomach, copper’s Combats anaemia sterilizing property helps destroys From helping in the absorption harmful bacteria and reduces of the nutrient iron to cell inflammation. Also, copper helps in formation, copper plays a vital role cleansing and removal of toxins in the functioning of your body. It from the stomach. This promotes wards off anaemia – a condition better digestion. ON A REGULAR BASIS, where there’s a deficiency in TRY CONSUMING haemoglobin or red blood cells in Anti-ageing and boosts the blood which further leads to skin health WATER FROM A weariness and paleness. Copper is a natural remedy COPPER VESSEL TO Copper absorbs and uses the iron because it’s packed with cell HELP YOU WITH present in your body and in turn, formation and antioxidant keeps up the iron levels and helps properties. It helps ward off free WEIGHT LOSS. APART maintain the flow in the blood radicals which are the primary FROM HELPING YOUR vessels. reason for the appearance of fine DIGESTIVE SYSTEM lines or wrinkles. Copper also helps PERFORM WELL, Copper Applications in Health in skin regeneration, collagen, and and Environment: melanin production. COPPER WILL Copper is your friendly EFFICIENTLY HELP neighbourhood superhero as far as Aids weight loss BREAK DOWN AND its benefits are considered, not just On a regular basis, try consuming to the human body, but to the water from a copper vessel to help ELIMINATE FAT. environment too. you with weight loss. Apart from the immune system and bones of It is a cheap metal, available in helping your digestive system your body. abundance as well as easiest to perform well, copper will efficiently recycle. There are several benefits help break down and eliminate fat. Combats thyroid of copper, here are some to our It also helps in getting rid of harmful Low levels of copper are usually health and our environment at waste from your body. found in patients who suffer from large: thyroid disease. Copper is a vital Promotes heart health trace mineral that’ll help in the Copper in Health: Copper may help minimize the optimum functioning of the thyroid A healthy human body requires risk of developing cardiovascular gland. Hence, including copper- trace amounts of copper to function diseases. It helps lower triglyceride, enriched water in your diet may effectively. Copper helps with and bad cholesterol levels and regulate the functions of the generating heat in the human body, regulates blood pressure and thyroid gland and help combat this aiding communication between maintains a good heart rate. deficiency. different cells, breaking down of certain foods to become Strong anti-inflammation Wounds heal faster hemoglobin and boost our agent Its potent antiviral, anti-bacterial metabolism. Copper deficiency Copper is also popular for its and anti-inflammatory properties leads health issues like anemia, powerful anti-inflammatory help heal wounds at a faster rate. It parasitic infections and leaky gut to properties. It helps relieve aches also aids in the production of name a few. Foods rich in copper and pains associated with arthritis healthy new cells that fasten the include sunflower seeds, lentils, and rheumatoid arthritis. healing process of external and dried apricots, mushrooms among It’s also known to strengthen internal wounds. others.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 25 a copper bottle twice a day (morning and evening) is more than enough to provide the necessary amount of copper to your body. ● Take breaks from drinking water stored in a copper bottle. For example, take a month-long break after regularly drinking water stored in a copper bottle for two months. This allows the body to flush out the extra Copper in Environment: COPPER WATER IS copper. Copper is the friendliest metal in Copper water is simply water the environment. A good conductor SIMPLY WATER, that has been stored in a copper of heat and electricity, Copper is a STORED IN A COPPER container. This allows for safe amounts of copper to leach into cheap metal which is also easy to CONTAINER. THIS recycle, making it the greenest the water. While most of the natural metal. Copper is ideal for ALLOWS FOR SAFE practice’s purported benefits making solar panels. Copper is also AMOUNTS OF COPPER aren’t backed by scientific the future of nanotechnology, it is studies, it exerts an interesting to note, that leading IT TO LEACH INTO THE antibacterial effect that may companies, use copper to make the WATER. THE BEST kill diarrhea-causing bacteria in most powerful computer chips CONTAINERS ARE contaminated water. However, available. In the past few years, research suggests that for the copper is being used for MOST LIKELY COPPER leached copper to kill bacteria, bioleaching, a process by which POTS OR JARS. the water must be stored in a mineral ores are extracted from copper vessel at least overnight their sulphide ores with the help of ● The best time to drink or up to 48 hours. This means elements present in the water stored in a copper that the best containers are environment. Copper also plays an bottle, is on an empty most likely copper pots or jars important role in managing stomach in the morning. rather than copper hazardous nuclear fuel waste. ● Do not overdo it, water bottles that are drinking water stored in filled on the go. Drinking Water from A Copper Bottle, Correctly and Safely: Despite all the benefits of FAQs about copper vessels copper, one must remember that copper is only required in trace Will using a copper bottle cause acidity levels or chemical amounts in the human body. One copper toxicity? structure, and copper can react must also remember that too much Copper Toxicity is caused by with the same, making it harmful of a good thing could also become using a corroded copper bottle. for the human body. harmful, especially, if we are talking Copper corrosion can be caused by about the delicate balance of the acidic substances especially food Can we store hot/cold water in the human chemistry. Water makes 75% items which are acidic in nature copper bottle? of our anatomy, however, one and the softness of the water. It is suggested that the water cannot keep on drinking water stored in the copper bottle must stored in copper vessel, all day and How long should water be stored be room temperature, neither too every day. Here are a few tips on in a copper bottle? hot nor too cold. Temperature can drinking water from a copper vessel Water should be ideally stored play an inverse role on copper. correctly and safely: for 6-8 hours in a copper bottle to ● Buy a vessel or bottle made of gain maximum benefits from it. How to clean Copper Bottles? pure copper. Pure copper oxidizes when ● Fill the bottle with water and Can we store anything else in a exposed to oxygen and liquids. store in a cool dry place copper bottle? The best way to clean a copper overnight or all day or for 8 No. Only water can be stored in vessel is to scrub it with lemon hours. the copper bottle, other juice and salt, to remove the ● Do not refrigerate the bottle. substances may have different oxidation stains. We

26 Woman’s Era ● December 2020

Overcoming Financial Stress Together During COVID-19

Money and relationships. By Sujatha Rao

OVID-19 has disrupted our life (Double Income Singe Kids) - are the Damocles’ sword of losing one’s across all aspects. While going through unprecedented job hanging over one’s head, one is Cpeople are seriously worried stressful times. terrified even to mildly protest. about their physical health, they are The panacea that “Work From While the number of working equally concerned about their Home (WFH)” was once supposed hours definitely seem to have gone financial health. As the pandemic to be, has proven to be a myth with up for the Employees, Employers rages on, all couples - even DINKS boundaries between working and are forced to cut costs due to their (Double Income No Kids) or DISKS non-working hours blurring. With crumbling margins, and this has a huge negative impact on the employees’ perks and allowances. Those working in the organized sector still have some solace of keeping their jobs intact, while it’s a completely different story for those working in the unorganized ones, with businesses themselves shutting shop across many a sector. The situation in the developed countries doesn’t seem to be any different. In a survey from the National Endowment for Financial Education conducted by Harris Poll, polling more than 2000 adults online during April, 2020 revealed that Corona virus pandemic is causing nearly 9 in 10 Americans to feel anxious about money. According to the survey top 10 Stressors are as follows: Tip 1 - Lean on your community As the famous saying goes it’s Top 10 stressors among American Adults during the difficult times that we Top stressors during the coronavirus outbreak get to know our true friends. Social distancing doesn’t mean we cannot stay close to our friends and family. Having enough in 41% We should keep in touch with our emergency saving loved ones through regular phone calls and video conferencing. Job Security 39% The simple act of talking about our financial problems to someone Income Fluctuations 29% we trust can make these problems seem far less intimidating than they Paying Utilities 28% actually are. At times, it’s even okay to lean in bit on certain people Paying rent or 28% really close to us, for financial help, mortgage by shamelessly seeking their help. Finacial market 25% volatlility Tip 2 – Make a plan and Paying down debt/off stick to it 23% credit card debt The first step towards dealing with a problem is to arrive at the Having enough 23% size of the problem by taking stock saved for retirment of things. For this the couples need Paying health 19% to be very transparent with each care bills other and sit down to chalk out a Putting off major financial plan that addresses all 17% financial decisions their pros and cons. Some of the essential items that 0 10203040should not be overlooked in such a plan of theirs are: There is reason to believe that one has to remember that there is situation in India could even be always some way out. Emergency Fund: worse with non availability of the The following simple yet The couples should set aside a safety nets of social security practical strategies would be able to pooled in emergency fund which provisions. However, no matter help the working couples deal with should take care of all the essential how bleak the situation may seem, their financial stress in a better way: living expenses such as rent, EMI,

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 29 Utilities, Insurance Premium, should one go through this roller unprecedented times and no one Educational fees etc for a minimum coaster ride without having those can guarantee the outcome. So it’s period of 3-6 months. From the anxiety pangs? time to avoid the noise and stay on Harris Poll mentioned above, we Simple, let the financial goals and course. have garnered an insight into this asset allocation strategy be your one being the top most stressor for guide, irrespective of the market Tip 3 - Cut down on spending adults dealing with the pandemic movements. Your asset allocation One should reprioritize the even in a developed country. strategy should aim at fulfilling your expenses by cutting out everything financial goals. If there is a plan but the essentials. If it becomes Insurance: already put in place, you should absolutely essential, one can avail It’s also definitely the time to simply stick to it. Tinkering with the the moratorium on the home loans, review Health Insurance and Life asset allocation in panic would if any. With a lot of entertainment insurance policies of the family and jeopardize your plans to achieve our and dining out options vanishing, ensure that all the members in the financial goals. the expenses that are normally family are well covered. It’s also If you are yet to work on the incurred on cabs, movies and malls imminent that they pay all the asset allocation strategy, you have naturally come down. But one insurance premiums on time should put in place one right away, has to keep the temptation of without fail, so that all their existing as this is the best time to start the reckless ordering online, in check. It insurance policies remain in active same. How much one should might be prudent to unsubscribe status. allocate to Debt or Equities would from emails, unfollow brands and depend upon one’s age and risk influencers on instagram for a Nomination: appetite. If you are not very sure while. Whatever is the age of the how to go about it, you might want investors, one of the most to take the help of some experts. Tip 4 – Handle stress better important aspects they tend to We know that it’s very difficult to overlook is to nominate someone to Avoid unnecessary risks keep our emotions in check while receive the proceeds of the It’s time to tread with abundant being overwhelmed with incessant investment, should something caution and avoid all risky decisions negative news every day in a world happen to them. In these uncertain and investments. No matter how struggling to manage a pandemic. times, it becomes even more tempting it is, it’s best to avoid The couples might want to important that people don’t going on a buying spree. These are practice the following in order to overlook this aspect. Hence, it’s reduce their stress levels: strongly recommended that couples ● Avoid following news, market review all their investments and trends etc., too often. ensures that nomination exists for ● Avoid daily checking of the each one of them. portfolios. ● Do regular exercise for overall Investments improvement in health Couples still lucky to have some ● Practice relaxation techniques surplus income should continue such as meditation, deep with their investments. With self- breathing etc to calm the mind expenditure getting narrowed ● Develop a hobby so that the mind down to bare essentials, even those is occupied with constructive with bare minimum surplus should things. be able to ramp up their savings for ● Clear the air after every a rainy day. ONE SHOULD argument and keep the The volatile markets spook many REPRIORITIZE THE communication channels an investor. Suddenly, everyone between themselves always feels jittery seeing the upswings EXPENSES BY CUTTING open. and downswings on a daily basis OUT EVERYTHING BUT The way couples have learnt to and an urge to ‘do’ something grips THE ESSENTIALS. IF IT wear masks, wash their hands everyone. When the markets are frequently and carry on with their moving up, FOMO (Fear of Missing BECOMES ABSOLUTELY day to day activities, it is time they Out) is at work. Similarly, when the ESSENTIAL, ONE learn to protect themselves with investments are hitting a new CAN AVAIL THE proper insurance coverage and bottom on a daily basis, the urge to prudent financial practices and act on them is even more pressing. MORATORIUM ON THE carry on with their monetary So, what should one do? How HOME LOANS, IF ANY. activities as well. We

30 Woman’s Era ● December 2020

Short Story When Outside Beauty Stuck

Migraine came to the rescue. By Rungeen Singh

ne incident which every floor. One day, a young, fair and lovely On top of that, the fact that happened three migraine had been bashing woman standing outside she was looking distraught Odecades back, left a my head so badly that I with a fair and chubby baby made me curb my irritation deep impact that remains couldn’t get up from the in her arms and a bag on and question her. She entrenched in my album of bed. So I felt mad when the one shoulder. Even through replied in fluent English, “I memories, making me doorbell rang with the daze of the blinding desperately need to use the suspicious of all human annoying persistence. As headache, I had to admit washroom. Hold my baby beings and therefore, till my husband had gone to that the woman was while I go in.” now I am stingy in giving his office, I was alone, so I exquisitely beautiful. She held out her baby my trust to anyone. had to answer the as if I couldn’t refuse and Additionally, it made me doorbell. Every step was a But she became aggressive this riled me. I never liked realise that even suffering hammer on my agonised and tried to barge in. My being taken for granted, pain had its advantage, as it brain. By the time I reached head was splitting with and I bristled. Resentment excruciating pain. It made me can prevent a more the front door, I was, angrier and that gave me swept over me, abetted by grievous loss. uncharacteristically, in a strength. I used all my force the headache and the My husband and I then fury. and pushed her out. nausea I was feeling and I lived in an apartment in a I was ready to shout shook my head in refusal building with five storeys, angrily, but the words were and started to shut the with two apartments on snuffed out as soon as I saw door. She extended one arm to hold the door open, saying, “Shouldn’t you be kind and help me? I didn’t expect this from a woman like you. Women should help women but we act like enemies. How can you be extremely tense. He at He would take the stuffed both had bashed the family so callous?” once asked, “Are you all bags with the stolen goods members before running How can an agony of a right? Has anything been from her and give her away with the stolen headache tolerate stolen? Every apartment another empty bag. She goods. The cunning couple pontification, so wanting has had many things chose a weekday when the would go to one apartment her out immediately, I stolen, but nobody knows children would have gone complex and steal from all retorted, “Just go. Let me who has stolen them.” to school and the working the apartments there and shut the door.” There was a lot of members would have gone then never return there She persisted and ‘my commotion behind him on to their workplaces. So again. migraine’ could take it no the staircase with all our generally only a member more. I tried to remove her agitated neighbours would be in the apartment, e finally got to know arm from the door and I exchanging notes about which would be distracted Wthe reason why she was surprised at the the stuff which had been and her husband had strength in her delicate stolen. The stolen goods There was a lot of become thieves. The arm. were small in size like commotion behind couple had inherited a I snapped, “I have a wristwatches, table clocks, him on the lucrative business from his severe migraine. Just go.” decoration pieces, wallets, father, but they spent too But she became purses, bags, money, staircase with all lavishly. Then their aggressive and tried to jewellery and transistor our agitated business started sliding barge in. My head was radios, which could be neighbours down. They took heavy splitting with excruciating carried away without being exchanging notes loans to keep their business pain. It made me angrier obvious. about the stuff going, but they couldn’t and that gave me strength. The police was called repay them. So the banks I used all my force and and after interrogation, which had been took away all their assets. pushed her out. Just then they felt that the facts stolen. The stolen Because of their bad luckily, the front door of shockingly pointed to the goods were small in reputation, they couldn’t the apartment across the fact that the lovely lady size like get jobs, so they started landing opened and the with the baby was the thief. wristwatches, table stealing. They earned bachelor who lived there, The police took the money by selling the stolen walked out to leave for his description of the woman clocks, decoration goods. afternoon shift. The from the victims and gave pieces, wallets, This incident made me woman turned towards him an alert to all the police purses, bags, realise that we human and he stopped to stare at stations in the city. Finally, money, jewellery beings take things at face her beauty. Before I could it came to light that the and transistor value. We think that a speak, she asked him with a flats of many other beautiful person spouting martyred look, if she could buildings had been burgled radios, which could fluent English will be good use his flat’s washroom. all over the city, in this be carried away and trustworthy, but here Without waiting for his exact way in the past six without being this incident proved that permission she walked months. obvious. appearances can be towards his flat. The last I After some time, we deceptive, as it showed saw as I wearily but came to know that the by looking after her baby. If that beauty could be thankfully banged the front young lady had been she had the opportunity, criminal and ugly. door shut was, that he was caught by the police and she would dash into other Moreover, I had always holding the sleeping baby had confessed. Her modus rooms and steal whatever thought my migraines as a and the young lady was operandi had been that she was available and then painful punishment, but it rushing into his flat. would go into all the make her exit after was possible that, if I had apartments with her baby. thanking the person been pain -free, maybe I forgot all this as I had to She would say that she profusely. would have ended up Ifight a long battle with wanted to use the In six incidents, she had holding the baby and my atrocious migraine, washroom and would give been caught by the family getting things stolen from which stuck to me like a the baby to the person to members, but they could my flat. So my intolerable stubborn leech. Somehow I hold. On the way to the not call the police as she migraine had proved to be fell asleep. The persistent washroom and back, she had used violence, like in a blessing, as it made me ringing of the doorbell would steal all the objects four apartments she had refuse to let the woman woke me up again and I of value and keep them in beaten the people on the enter, which saved me from rushed to the front door. her bag. head with a rod, while in a thief who could have My husband stood The woman always had two other apartments she been violently dangerous outside and he looked her husband helping her. had called her husband and for me. We

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 33 Brandy: TheJumpingQueen!

The fonding memories of jumping queen. By Rameshinder Singh Sandhu

e had never kept a dog THE JUMPING QUEEN IS left her on the terrace, she would neither had ever imagined NO MORE BUT HER go on jumping on her own. But, her Wto keep but theft of our passion surged so high that soon newly bought car’s stereo more MEMORIES CONTINUE she started jumping to several near than a decade back galvanised us to TO LIVE WITH US WHO and far off terraces of other homes have one, like many other and we got inundated with her neighbours in our home town, WEAVED A UNIQUE complaints. Once she had torn Amritsar. It was my younger brother HISTORY OF JUMPING someone’s clothes drying on the and dad who took the lead to TERRACES! washing line while other time finalise the first four legged family scared the children playing who member. conceded within an eye’s blink and must have wondered from where It was a cute little brown pup within days we saw him teaching she arrived. with light golden stripes– a female, her jumps over the many barricades Interestingly, post her roaming belonging to Great Dane breed that built by him on our terrace. she returned on her own but her arrived on palm of my brother and He had crafted sessions for both complaints worried us and we we instantaneously fell in love with morning and evening. Initially, the suspended her further trainings and her. We named her Brandy. training seemed ardous to her as never let her go on the terrace Everyone around was always a she evinced no interest despite the anymore. This gave her a hard time mother to her who kept us so trainer juggled along many tricks who went on scratching the terrace thrilled that it felt she had fully and soon gave up, bluntly declaring door which was of course a door of grown up within days. And she was her duffer, adding he had never her freedom and fun. super huge, a jumbo as Great Danes seen an adamant beast like her. Sometimes we laughed and are. I still remember when we took But for the handsome salary he sometimes got irked for the her out for walks, some questioned pocketed every week, he went on trainings we organised for her and if it was really a dog. Though, she and his efforts finally bore fruit. we finally realised that it was a farm was always friendly but her Thanks to his patience packed with house breed, not meant for a small appearance frightened every soul as love which included several treats urban home. We gave it to one of I have seen people changing their to her during the sessions. After all, our relatives living at a village farm paths taking note of her. On the she commenced jumps the way he house that loved dogs and shifted other hand, our adulation towards wanted and we admired watching from a giant dog to two small pugs. her continued to graduate and we her like cheer leaders in a cricket They may always be around carrying got so obsessed that we soon hired stadium. their cuteness but we always miss a trainer for her. Albeit, we had She was soon a star in all the dog Brandy. The jumping queen is no brought him aboard for some basics shows, always returning home with more but her memories continue to but he went a step ahead, telling us medals. Honestly, she was now live with us who weaved a unique to also train her for dog shows. We jumping so much that whenever we history of jumping terraces! We

34 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 Women Entrepreneurs in the Digital Economy LO is the women wing of the My mission as National President Federation of Indian Chamber this year has been to work towards Fof Commerce & Industry sustainable practices and (FICCI). Jahnabi Phookan, National sustainable livelihoods for women’s Ms, Jahnabi Phookan, President of FICCI FLO and a leading economic upliftment. We at FLO are President, FICCI FLO Women Entrepreneur talks about working on a three-pronged FLO’s initiatives towards creating a initiative as the FLO’s 3 Cs of Mentorship cells for our members self-relying entrepreneurial Competency, Capacity, and and beyond our membership. MOUs ecosystem for women which in turn Confidence building with women at have also been signed with Virginia empowers them to become self- three levels to skill, upskill and Tech and with IIM Shillong for sufficient & helps them to become reskill. With the support of 17 enabling women entrepreneurship. job creators instead of job seekers. chapters in Pan India and 4 Young FLO chapters and a membership How does FLO plan on providing Being one of the oldest women base of 8000 businesswomen, a global perspective to the various organizations in Asia, how has FLO entrepreneurs, educators, and the aspiring women entrepreneurs helped Women Entrepreneurs tide like, FLO has been working at three associated with the organization? over the current difficult times? levels - the grassroots, the urban, In order to provide women with We at FLO are working harder and the corporate sector. For information regarding various than ever to provide all necessary instance, in the handloom and business opportunities across guidance and additional support to handicrafts sector, FLO has borders, we have started the W7 women entrepreneurs across the partnered with an organisation- (Women of 7 Global Regions) country amidst the pandemic. We Creative Dignity to support initiative under which FLO in have collaborated with women-led distressed artisans by empowering collaboration with other NGOs under our Skilling & them to reach customers digitally. organizations across the globe. Livelihood generation initiative, We have also signed up with the Under the W7 initiative, we have where young girls are trained to Government e-Marketplace (GEM). already organised sessions with ride two-wheelers and work with FLO along with TAAI has also signed countries like Myanmar, various e-commerce sites which an MoU with the Ministry of Netherlands, and Vietnam. require their services. MoUs have Tourism for Women Skilling. The been signed for training 4500 idea is to rediscover our country, You are also an entrepreneur women in globally recognized and appreciate our heritage, and yourself. What would be your advice certified transformational life skills galvanize our economy by being to women entrepreneurs and to program. At the grassroots level, Vocal for Local. those who are aspiring to be we have taken initiated Village entrepreneurs in the future? Adoption Programme, where we As we all know that youth is the I am an entrepreneur in the are working on life skills training for future of our nation, how does FLO travel and tourism space. My advice rural women and migrant returnees. work towards motivating young to women entrepreneurs would be In the urban sector, FLO has started women to become a crucial part of that this year has not been what any Adopt an ITI program to train ITI the Indian Economy? one of us has ever hoped for. Yet, students across 17 chapters. Mental FLO being one of the oldest this pandemic has opened doors to Health has been a key challenge in women organisations in India, we better opportunities; it has the pandemic. We have addressed have constantly been working provided us with time to acquire this through psychosocial towards motivating our young new skills with which we can rebuild counselling for more than 15000 women to take part in the country’s our enterprise or businesses. Life migrant workers, Covid +ve economy with the help of various has taught us many lessons but persons, and frontline Covid initiatives we have crafted for them. probably the greatest of all has warriors. This year FLO has signed an MoU been to keep fighting for your with National Skill Development dreams and never stop believing in Can you shed some light on the Corporation (NSDC) for yourself. initiatives taken by your empowering women through skills- “When the fishermen cannot go organization towards women based training. We have started two out to the sea, they repair their empowerment? dedicated FLO Incubation & nets.” Fashion Forecast Flaunt these sylish and trendy womenʼs wear.

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Brand Name: Dramebaaz by rikita Instagram link: https://instagram.com/ dramebaaz_by_rikita?igshid=1ns86m70q9odd Address: Dramebaaz, 140, Ashutosh Mukherjee road, Kolkatta Pin 700025 Dating Someone Older Isn't Always a Bad Idea Things you need to know about dating a man 30 years older than you. By A. Kartikeyan

en and women end up dating for a whole lot of reasons. While some date for love, others date strictly Mfor convenience. In fact, there’re many cases where men date women 30 years older younger than them. Again, this may be because of genuine love or convenience. Their reasons for dating aside, there’re always specific common attributes appear to be synonymous with relationships with such age differences. Without further ado, here are common things you’ll need to know about dating a man 30 years older than you:

44 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 An older man is more likely to be chivalrous The only reason chivalry is dead is that the young men killed it. But this might not be the case when dating a man who is 20+ years older than you. As the dictum says, old habits die hard. And since older men were born and raised in an era where women were treated like the queens they are, it wouldn’t be strange for him treat you like one. He’ll most likely hold doors and pull chairs for you. Heck, your older man might even write you sweet handwritten poems just to cheer you up a little. AT HIS AGE, YOUR MAN IS MOST LIKELY You’ll feel more appreciated TO HAVE MATURED. when dating an older man Being constantly appreciated is AND SINCE PART OF is just part of the older man’s arguably the best thing about BEING MATURE charm. But that’ll be later in your dating an older man. He’ll adore you DICTATES THAT HE relationship. simply because being with you GOES FOR EXACTLY makes him feel like the younger When brunch turns to official version of himself. At his age, your WHAT HE WANTS. THIS dinners man is most likely to have matured. MEANS YOUR OLDER When you start dating an older And since part of being mature MAN IS WITH YOU man, you’re likely to start having dictates that he goes for exactly much more formal lunches as what he wants. This means your SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU opposed to the crappy junk you and older man is with you simply ARE EXACTLY WHAT HE your college friends are used to. because you are exactly what he WANTS. YOUR OLDER This is usually the case because he’ll wants. He will, therefore, seize prefer taking you to more formal or every opportunity to make you feel MAN WILL ALWAYS classier places. Your older man will loved, wanted and appreciated. MAKE EVERY also encourage you to start eating Your older man will always make ANNIVERSARY WORTH right and get healthy. This is so every anniversary worth REMEMBERING. LET’S because you are a jewel in his eyes remembering. Unlike their younger and wants to show you just how counterparts, older men prefer JUST SAY IT’S JUST much he values you more than showing appreciation now rather PART OF THAT OLD anything else. than later. Let’s just say it’s just part SCHOOL. of that old school MO and leave it at Dating an older man equals that. An older man is a tad less partying mysterious When dating a man 20 years your His kids might or might not A mature man is expected to not senior, you’ll somehow find yourself like you only be comfortable in his own skin partying less and less. This is partly When dating a man 20 years but also to have mastered the art of because he’s been there and done older than you who also happens to seduction. Therefore, expect him to that – meaning such things don’t have kids, you’ll have to accept and charm the pants off you not only interest him anymore. And that’ll embrace the fact that his kids might with his charm but also with the air mean you’ll end up partying less not like you. In some cases, your of mystery around him. In other probably because it feels awkward reception will be warm especially if words, you’ll never be able to tell partying alone. Instead, he’ll prefer all his kids want is for their dad to what your man is up to most of the taking you to basketball games, be happy. But if the kids see you as time and that’s most likely to make business after-parties or even a threat, then it might take years for you fall in love with him even more. better, invite-only themed parties. them to accept you – and that’s not At first, you might think he’s hiding The earlier you prepare yourself even guaranteed. Some kids might something from you. But as you get psychologically, the better you’ll be even boycott your invitations. old, you’ll understand that mystery at adjusting when the time comes.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 45 you’re simply gold digging. Cherish every vacation and anniversary like it’s your very last and you’ll find happiness. An older man can be your lover and mentor If you’re dating an older man, then expect him to guide you in every aspect of your life. The fact that he’s lived his life and has seen it all makes him the right person to warn you against making innocent mistakes that might end up costing you later in life. It’s also for this reason that most young girls end up dating older men instead of wasting their precious time dating within their seemingly clueless and broke age group. Expect some sloppy sex MANY YOUNG GIRLS “The older the man, the sloppier DATING OLDER MEN the sex.” – Anonymous. Again, I’m not saying this just to be mean. This Your older man’s ex or exes HAVE CONFESSED TO is a well-documented fact and I am will hate your guts FEELING POWERFUL speaking from a medical point of When dating an older man who AND DESIRED. IN MOST view. Our bodies weaken with age doubles up as a divorcee, you and for this very reason, it’s quite should always be prepared for a CASES, THAT POWER natural for an older man to seek serious backlash from the ex-wife, STEMS FROM THE some libido boost from Viagra or or ex-wives. Jealousy has and will OLDER MAN BEING SO other less popular aphrodisiacs. always reign supreme under such DRAWN TO HER This might not be synonymous circumstance. Therefore, if you love with all older men, but it is the case your older man and want to be YOUTHFUL BEAUTY TO with most of them. That said, if happy, always avoid his ex-wife or THE POINT OF DOING you’re still willing to date an older ex-wives at all costs. And in the JUST ABOUT ANYTHING man, then, by all means, start by event of a snafu – which they are lowering your bedroom highly likely to cause -, then excuse TO MAKE HER HAPPY. expectations. Let him surprise you if yourself and walk away from the constant complimenting, he will, but chances are that he situation. You can simply never win pampering and so on. Simply put, won’t. And don’t blame him, blame against a bitter woman. And in the your older man will assume the role biology. spirit of evading confrontation, you of being your knight and shining can start by NOT inviting the ex or armor and that’ll make you feel like His age is likely to show on exes to your anniversary a powerful little princess. his body celebrations unless you are planning Dating a man who is 20 years on a backlash. You’ll be judged older than you can be fun until he The fact that the bible clearly takes all his clothes off or worse, his You’ll always feel powerful states that “Thou shalt, not judge” dentures. In as much as some men and desired won’t stop the populace from in their late forties, fifties or even Many young girls dating older judging you the moment they sixties are still active gym goers, men have confessed to feeling realize you are dating a man who is most of them just don’t have it in powerful and desired. In most 20 years older than you. As them anymore. Most men in that cases, that power stems from the unfortunate as it may seem, that’s age group prefer kicking back, beer older man being so drawn to her just how people are. This means in hand and reminisce. And if their youthful beauty to the point of you’ll have to develop a tough skin favorite pastime is drinking beer doing just about anything to make in order to find joy in your relation, and eating beef, then, by all means, her happy. And this will include the whether you’re dating for love or expect them to look the part.

46 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 The constant pampering will seem like a brilliant idea. And that’s make sure you are looking hella one day get old how you’ll end up traveling a lot. good for him. Chances are that dating an older You shouldn’t be surprised when man will introduce you to a whole you’ll most probably be celebrating He’ll introduce you to new life of nothing but pure glitz each anniversary in different parts important people and glamour. In the beginning, the of the world. Dating a man who is 20 years grandiose anniversary parties, the older than you can help your expensive banquet of flowers every He’ll definitely show you off career especially because he is other week and not forgetting the Your man will, sooner rather likely to introduce you to his expensive bottom red high heels than later, start showing you off to connections. At this age, chances will definitely leave you awash with the world. Simply put, older men are that he has an impressive, exhilaration. get a kick out of dating younger, sometimes enviable, resume But with time, you’ll get used to and definitely hotter women. So, if which automatically translates to the flashy lifestyle and start craving the younger, definitely hotter having a lot of important people on the basic things such as his time and woman happens to you, don’t feel speed dial. You’ll also get the attention. Therefore, it’s better to bad. Your older man does this chance to meet these high-value anticipate this feeling because simply because he loves you members of the society when come, sooner rather than later. And unconditionally. Showing you off attending those long, boring after when it does, you’ll start doubting will also boost his ego and make parties he’ll keep dragging you to. everything in your relationship. him feel young again. So, the next As we’ve already established, time he takes you to formal dinners dating a man 20 years older than Your older man will remind or to celebrate New Year’s or your you has its advantages as well as you of your dad anniversary in high-end places, disadvantages. We A man who is 20 years older than you are likely to belong to the same age group as your dad. And in as much as he’ll try to act young and cool, he will always be a constant reminder of your dad and that can end up affecting you if you aren’t Exclusive Organic careful. The fact that he’ll always be quick to correct you and provide Clothing Line for guidance will make things much Babies worse. If all the above pisses you, Equipped with confidence and then I wouldn’t advise you to date self believe Ms Shikha Kumar took an older man because that’s the position of Creative Director definitely not your kind of man. of Nino Bambino a while back. Along with her husband Mr You’ll hardly argue Vickram Kumar she developed the One of the many advantages of concept of Nino Bambino- organic Nino Bambino 100% organic dating a man 20 years older than clothing lines for babies and cotton Romper - This cozy romper you is that he most certainly started working on it. Nino is made from super soft cotton understands women. This means Bambino is an organic clothing with open feet, this road-worthy he’ll do everything in his power to Line for babies with the aim to number is perfect for keeping the not only make you happy but also offer trendy, functional, and little one warm in all their avoid pissing you off. And whenever sustainable baby clothing. The journeys. he makes a mistake, he’ll collection at Nino Bambino immediately apologize and make it provides 100% certified organic up to you which will, in turn, avoid cotton apparel and Accessories arguments. for Babies. With experience in designing and manufacturing Expect to travel a lot organic cotton baby apparel and As earlier stated, one of the having catered to the Nino Bambino 100% Organic many reasons a man 20 years you're international market, the brand Cotton Grey Melange Color Round senior is dating you is none other has been launched with the aim to Neck Sweatshirt For baby girls- than to relive his youthful days. And bring organic clothing to Indian Girls of any age, be it 17 or 1, for this reason, escaping with a customers now. fashion is their thing. much younger woman – you - would

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 47 Being asexual means different things to different people. By Himshikha Shukla HOW COMMON IS ASEXUALITY ust as some people are gay or bisexual, some people are Jasexual. If someone is asexual, it means they have no or little ?interest in sex. They may still feel romantic attraction, but equally, they may not. There is a wide range of identities on the asexual spectrum, from people who experience no sexual or romantic attraction to people who engage in sexual contact under some conditions. Many asexual people form meaningful, lasting relationships, and some get married or have children. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy or abstinence, both of which mean someone experiences sexual attraction but chooses not to act on it. Someone who’s asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is about finding a specific person sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them. However, everyone has a different experience with being asexual, and asexuality can mean different things to different people. Some asexual people don’t still have a libido and might experience any sexual attraction. experience sexual desire. So, That doesn’t mean that they can’t asexual people might still experience other forms of masturbate or have sex. Again, attraction, though. Aside from asexuality doesn’t always mean sexual attraction, you can also someone doesn’t enjoy sex. It just experience: means they don’t experience sexual ● Romantic attraction: desiring a attraction. romantic relationship with There are many reasons why an someone. asexual person might want to have ● Aesthetic attraction: being sex. For example: attracted to someone based on ● To satisfy their libido how they look. ● To conceive children ● Sensual or physical attraction: ● To make their partner happy wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle ● To experience the physical someone. pleasure of sex ● Platonic attraction: wanting to ● To show and receive affection be friends with someone. ● For the sensual pleasure of sex, ● Emotional attraction: wanting an including touching and cuddling emotional connection with Of course, some asexual people someone. have little to no sex drive or sexual It’s possible for asexual people desire — and that’s also okay! to experience all these forms of Asexuality means different things attraction. to different people. Education Network (AVEN) Some people might only explains, greysexuality is often seen experience sexual attraction in very ASEXUALITY CAN BE A as a midpoint between sexuality limited circumstances. For example, SPECTRUM TOO, WITH and asexuality. someone who is demisexual — which some say falls under the SOME PEOPLE One thing’s for sure: It isn’t asexual umbrella — experiences EXPERIENCING NO the same thing as celibacy or sexual attraction only when they SEXUAL ATTRACTION, abstinence have a deep connection to a OTHERS EXPERIENCING Many people falsely think that person. In other words, they might asexuality is the same thing as only feel sexually attracted to A LITTLE SEXUAL celibacy or abstinence. Abstinence people they have deep romantic ATTRACTION, AND is about deciding not to have sex. relationships with. OTHERS EXPERIENCING This is usually temporary. For example, someone may decide to Difference between libido, A LOT OF SEXUAL abstain from sex until they get sexual desire, and sexual ATTRACTION. married, or someone might decide attraction GREYSEXUAL PEOPLE to abstain from sex during a ● Libido. Also known as your sex RARELY EXPERIENCE difficult period in their life. drive, this is about wanting to Celibacy is about deciding to have sex and experience sexual SEXUAL ATTRACTION, abstain from sex, and possibly pleasure and sexual release. For OR THEY EXPERIENCE IT marriage. This could be for some people, it’s a little like WITH A VERY LOW religious, cultural, or personal wanting to scratch an itch. reasons. It’s often a lifelong ● Sexual desire. This is the desire INTENSITY. commitment. Abstinence and to have sex, whether it’s for Many people view sexuality as a celibacy are choices — asexuality pleasure, a personal connection, spectrum. Asexuality can be a isn’t. What’s more, asexual people conception, or something else. spectrum too, with some people might not actually abstain from sex ● Sexual attraction. This involves experiencing no sexual attraction, at all. As mentioned earlier, some finding someone sexually others experiencing a little sexual asexual people do have sex. appealing and wanting to have attraction, and others experiencing Many people think there is sex with them. a lot of sexual attraction. something “wrong” with asexual ● Plenty of people who aren’t Greysexual people rarely experience people. The world seems to assume asexual have a low libido, or they sexual attraction, or they that everyone feels sexual might not desire sex. experience it with a very low attraction — so asexual people Similarly, many asexual people intensity. As the Asexual Visibility & might worry that there’s something

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 49 wrong with themselves, too. As mentioned, some asexual Asexuality isn’t a medical people do have sex, because sexual concern. It’s not something that desire is different to sexual needs to be fixed. It should go attraction. Every asexual person is without saying, but being asexual different. Some might be repulsed isn’t the same thing as by sex, some might feel nonchalant experiencing: about it, and some might enjoy it. ● Fear of intimacy Some asexual people aren’t ● Loss of libido interested in romantic relationships. ● Sexual repression As asexual people experience little ● Sexual aversion to no sexual attraction, unromantic ● Sexual dysfunction people experience little to no Anyone can develop one or more romantic attraction. Some — but of these conditions, regardless of not all — asexual people are their sexual orientation. As with unromantic. homosexuality or bisexuality, there’s no underlying “cause” of asexuality. It’s just the way NEW VOCABULARY OF someone is. Asexuality isn’t genetic, ROMANCE the result of trauma, or caused by Queer platonic is a word that anything else. originated in the asexual and unromantic communities. According And it has nothing to do with to AVEN, a queer platonic being unable to find a partner relationship is a very close non- It’s often assumed that asexual romantic relationship. The people in people will feel sexual attraction a queer platonic relationship are when they meet the “right” person How to Explore just as committed as those in a — this is untrue. Many asexual romantic relationship. Anybody can people desire romantic Asexuality? have a queer platonic relationship, relationships — and many asexual Although there isn’t a test no matter their sexual or romantic people are in happy, healthy you can take, there are orientation. romantic relationships. questions you can ask yourself Many people feel that their Sexual attraction and desire to evaluate your desires and see identity is fluid. One day, they might aren’t the same thing as romantic if it aligns with common asexual feel like they’re asexual because attraction and desire. Wanting to characteristics. they experience little or no sexual have sex with someone is different This may include: attraction. Weeks or months later, from wanting a romantic ● What does sexual attraction they might feel a shift, and they relationship with them. Similarly, mean to me? might find that they experience it’s important to remember that ● Do I experience sexual sexual attraction more often. sexual attraction isn’t the same as attraction? Similarly, someone might identify as romantic attraction. Sexual desire is ● How do I feel about the heterosexual, and later feel that also different from romantic desire. concept of sex? they’re asexual. One is the desire to have sex, while ● Do I feel the need to be This doesn’t mean they were the other is about desiring a interested in sex because wrong or confused before. It also romantic relationship. that’s what’s expected of me? doesn’t mean that sexual An asexual person might not ● Is sex important to me? orientation is a “phase,” or experience sexual attraction, but ● Do I see attractive people and something you’ll grow out of. For they might still experience romantic feel the need to have sex with some people, their capacity for attraction. An asexual person could them? attraction is fluid and changes over be romantically attracted to people ● How do I enjoy showing time. This is completely normal. of the same gender, people of affection? Does sex factor in? Asexual people might have another gender, or people of There is no “right” or experienced sexual attraction in the multiple genders. Many asexual “wrong” answer here, but these past but no longer do. Some people want — and have — questions can help you think people’s capacity for attraction can romantic relationships. These about your sexuality and change over time. Just because an romantic relationships can be with whether you may be asexual or asexual person felt sexual other asexual people, or with not. attraction before doesn’t erase people who aren’t asexual. their identity now. It’s still valid! We

50 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 Stop Spiraling Negative Thoughts

Ways to stop an anxiety spiral. By Himshikha Shukla

nxiety is a reaction designed something made you feel bad for a to protect you from threats. little bit of time, but that it isn’t AIt can make you more alert healthy to have it impact your entire and focused. But when you're day, or have it cause a domino anxious, decisions will often be effect of negative thoughts that limited to 'fight-flight-freeze' aren’t related at all. reactions. Your vision narrows and When you catastrophize, you you lose access to the more creative actually do two things: first, you parts of your brain. In addition, your predict the worst possible outcome; breathing might become shallow. second, you assume that if this Anxious moments happen to outcome transpires, you won’t be everyone. But they don't have to able to cope and it will be an take over. Having strategies to calm absolute disaster. And, as anyone yourself down and re-center can who’s ever let a simple rejection make all the difference, whether letter give way to thoughts about you're dealing with an anxiety not being good enough in general disorder or an extra-stressful time in knows, it’s easy to fall into this life. The problem isn’t that spiral. What to do when you start the ● Move your body: Exercise can ● Reach for a slightly higher spiral? lower anxiety in the moment. And in thought: It’s tough to know how to Ready to learn how to stop the long term, exercise has a stop negative thinking from ruining negative thinking from ruining your positive impact on mood. And any your day in every instance, since, day? Here’s a few suggestions based kind of movement can help. When often it’s hard or even impossible to on research to calm anxiety: you're in fight-or-flight mode, transition quickly from negative to moving your body can make a big happy. In this case, you can still ● Recognize it: The first step is difference. Simple movement like prioritize small wins to slightly shift becoming aware of your own walking or doing deep knee bends, your thoughts and mood. It’s about thought patterns. (A regular or any form of exercise that's consciously choosing to redirect our meditation practice for anxiety is comfortable for you. It can help attention toward something that wonderful for this.) Take it a step flush stress chemicals out of your feels slightly better, even if it’s further and write down your body. completely unrelated. worries throughout the day in a journal. Both of these activities WHEN YOU ● Turn up the music: Research allow you to step back and observe CATASTROPHIZE, YOU shows that even a short session of your own thoughts, rather than ACTUALLY DO TWO focusing on calming music can actively engaging with them. lower anxiety and improve your Eventually, you’ll see your worst- THINGS: FIRST, YOU mood. Build yourself a calm playlist. case scenarios for what they are: PREDICT THE WORST Then, when anxiety pops up, try five just thoughts, nothing more. POSSIBLE OUTCOME; minutes of sitting still or walking while listening. ● Breathe from your belly: When SECOND, YOU ASSUME you're anxious, you'll tend to THAT IF THIS OUTCOME breathe in a shallow way, in your TRANSPIRES, YOU chest instead of your belly. Placing WON’T BE ABLE TO one hand on your heart and the other on your belly, noticing the rise COPE AND IT WILL BE and fall of each is recommended. If AN ABSOLUTE you're feeling the breath more in DISASTER. AND, AS your chest, try to direct your breathing downward, filling up your ANYONE WHO’S EVER belly and then letting it fall again. LET A SIMPLE REJECTION LETTER GIVE WAY TO THOUGHTS ABOUT NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH IN GENERAL KNOWS, IT’S EASY TO FALL INTO THIS SPIRAL.

Visualize yourself placing that on ourselves. When we set a negative thought into the fear and massive goal with an unrealistic watching it burn up into the sky. timeline, we can get stuck in the Throw the thought into the fire as cycle of making an effort, and then many times as necessary until you beating ourselves up when we’re begin to feel lighter. Close this not there yet. Celebrate the small visualization by imagining the fire wins so that when you’re hit with a burning completely out, taking all of negative thought, you can look back the negativity with it. and see how far you’ve come.

● Be self-compassionate: If your ● Write it down: If you know you response when you get anxious is constantly have the same thoughts "Why can't I get over this?" try over and over, you might benefit being kinder to yourself. from writing a letter to yourself Remember, you are not your when you’re in a calmer headspace, which will remind you to put things YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT in perspective. If you notice that your thoughts follow a pattern, a YOURSELF IN THE quick message you can turn to at PROCESS. EVERYONE IS the time will remind you to get back UNIQUE. TAKE TIME TO on track, and not trust those negative thoughts as strongly. IDENTIFY WHAT MAKES Learning to calm your anxiety in YOU FEEL SAFE, AND the moment is crucial. But making PROACTIVELY BRING those anxiety spirals less frequent means you need to work on it in the MORE OF THIS INTO moments when you're not feeling YOUR LIFE. YOUR anxious. That's when your brain can UNIQUE SOLUTIONS be more creative and open to WILL ALWAYS TRUMP change, because it's not in fight-or- flight mode. Finding what strategies GENERIC ADVICE ABOUT work for you in anxious moments HOW TO DEAL WITH can take time and experimentation. ANXIETY. So, jump in and try new things. You'll learn about yourself in the ● Remind yourself: This is thoughts. Think of your thoughts as process. Everyone is unique. Take temporary: Fighting the way, you distress signals from your brain. We time to identify what makes you feel when you're anxious can all have negative thoughts feel safe, and proactively bring actually create more anxiety. Try to sometimes. But these thoughts more of this into your life. Your witness how you're feeling without don't have to lead to action, or unique solutions will always trump judgment, and remind yourself define who you are. Be generic advice about how to deal these feelings won't last forever. compassionate. Tell yourself the with anxiety. You're riding the wave. thing that you wish someone would Not sure whether you have an Knowing your symptoms of say to you in that moment. anxiety disorder, or are just anxiety can make them less anxious? They're even more threatening. Plus, you'll remember ● Be aware of environment: Be common in women and people with all of the times you've survived hyper-aware of how your chronic pain or other health feeling anxious before. environment is contributing to your conditions. If you feel excessively spiral. If it’s the fitness models you worried most days for at least 6 ● Visualize it away: Sometimes, a follow on Instagram, disconnect. If months, or anxiety is interfering simple visualization exercise can get your work environment is toxic, significantly with your life, it's you out of your head and into your take a mental health day, turn off something to bring up at your next feelings, where you can feel them your mail notifications, and see how appointment with a licensed health and release them. Take a few deep you feel. care provider. You can get breaths and bring the negative information from your doctor on thought into your mind. See it in ● Focus on micro-goals: A lot of therapy, medication or other front of you and as you do, imagine times, negative spirals start and end strategies that can help to manage a big fire roaring right behind it. with the amount of pressure we put your anxiety level. We

54 Woman’s Era ● December 2020

Short StoryAll is well that ends well!

Marriage is a matter of balance. By Bharati Rao

The guys had heard hey were on their American culture was, well, Thanksgiving. The guys had of this but they first offshore trip to lets call it on-the-job- heard of this but they were Tthe US. All of them training. full of questions about the were full of were first time visitors, It was late November, details. One asked why the questions about the experiencing the wonders and their boss told boss needed to take an details. One asked of a foreign land for the everyone that he was extra day since it sounded why the boss first time. Many were fresh taking an extra day off to like the day revolved from small-time get prepared for around food. The boss told needed to take an engineering colleges them the whole family was extra day since it located in small towns in No it’s not like that, after my coming to his house so he sounded like the India. They were trainees family and parents decide, needed to get the turkey day revolved on a project to help out they ‘show’ me the girl. Then ready and prepare some of with some technology she and I say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. the side dishes etc. This around food. Boys can say ‘yes’ or no to a tasks. Their English was ‘girl’. But mostly girls cannot was followed by several excellent but knowledge of say ‘no’ if a boy says ‘yes’. seconds of silence. “What is your wife doing?”one asked. “I hope she stays out of my way. She’s a terrible cook,” the boss answered with a smile. There was another minute of silence. Another guy asked, “Why would your mother pick such a woman for you?” “My mother didn’t pick. I picked her myself,” the boss answered again with a smile. They discussed it among themselves for a few minutes in their vernacular, must be Kannada because they were all from Bengaluru. Then the first one announced, “We think you should have let your mother pick. It’s like that for us in India. Our parents decide, and our wives cook.” “Are you sure your wife would be a good cook if your mother chose her?” asked the boss. “Of course. If she did not, my mother would teach her.” or dislikes? It could be of money, children, normal. “Your mother could anything…" jealousy among relatives, Even if you and your have taught the girl you “Nothing like that house building are there. spouse have similar morals, chose as well, if she did not happens in India. Once we But it’s okay.” similar values, similar know how to cook,” said ‘see’ we like or don’t like. “How do you take care lifestyles, and so on, you the boss not willing to give It’s simple. Sometimes we of these things?” may still end up up. He was enjoying this. go to the cinema or I go to “We don’t know.” disagreeing over The group had many her house to see her again. The boss thought for a something. And for many youngsters not cowed by But they allow it only after while. He had to gain their people, disagreement leads the trappings of what the betrothal or trust to make them speak. inevitably to anger and hurt should be spoken or not engagement ceremony. He was genuinely feelings and unkind words, spoken in front of the boss. Anyway, no fun in the first interested in knowing how to fighting. There was again a long night if we go around too they went about buying It’s only when it gets to a heated discussion in their much before. That’s what peace. Maybe there was stage where it involves vernacular. This time there my friends say.” They something to learn from hurting the other person, appeared to be greater laughed shyly looking at their culture? He knew the nagging, or hitting at participation amongst all one another. By now, the youngsters were almost all personality rather than the members. There youngsters got free not married. What he said identify the true reason for appeared to be more speaking to their boss. would have a great the disagreement that the contradicting stands as "Gosh! You really are a influence on them. So he real problem starts. That is well. great country! Here we are had to be careful. when things cannot be “Yes…?” sometimes even 'living' sorted between the “My mother would have together to find out how it No two human husband and the wife, chosen someone who was works, and you guys just beings are totally others come into the suitable for me and the manage it by 'seeing' the alike. Siblings picture. Children feel the family. She has more girl! Its amazing! You really differences. Do you ever experience. She can find are great!” squabble, see something like this in out easily if we can be The boss was truly taken sometimes friends India? Then what do you happy together.” away by the culture that squabble, do? Sometimes violence “What does she look for kept marriages intact for sometimes happens. Then what do you to decide if you will be years just by the process of husbands and wives do?” happy?" ‘seeing’ of the bride. He He knew he had touched “She must be looking had not gone to India, but have differences a live cord. Something they whether the girl will take had heard a lot about it. too.If you spend lot would not have liked to good care of me, whether They seemed to have of time with share with a boss, least we like the same things,” achieved the impossible. another normal with a foreigner as well. said one of the more vocal He had just read the human being and “Here we go to youngsters. newspaper survey report counsellors and family “Gosh! Don’t you meet that morning that said, have normal human therapists,” he added as if one another? You are the ‘Nationwide, more women feelings and habits to prod them. ones getting married.” in America are living then disagreements “My parents and family “No it’s not like that, without a husband than can happen will find out about her after my family and parents with one. ………….’ sometimes. It’s family also to make sure decide, they ‘show’ me the “Do you mean to say they discipline their girl. Then she and I say ‘yes’ there are no differences or normal. daughter if my wife will not or ‘no’. Boys can say ‘yes’ or disagreements amongst So he said, “No two listen to me or my parents.” no to a ‘girl’. But mostly wives and husbands in human beings are totally " Then there are social girls cannot say ‘no’ if a boy India?” alike. Siblings squabble, service organisations that says ‘yes’.” The scenario didn’t look sometimes friends work for free. For instance, “How can you decide real, no matter which the squabble, sometimes we have seminars by just by ‘seeing’ a girl once? country! husbands and wives have ISKCON for the married or Don’t you spend time “No it is not like that. My differences too. If you to be married.The seminars getting to know one mother says in the spend lot of time with are comprehensive – they another? That’s what we beginning the girls listen. another normal human deal with practical issues do in America. What if you They have to be taught and being and have normal such as what adjustments don’t like one another? told in the beginning itself. human feelings and habits are needed to make the Simple things like the way Mostly there are no then disagreements can marriage work, what roles she speaks, what she likes problems. Small problems happen sometimes. It’s have to be played by both

58 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 partners, balancing “They listen to us and try then if we find someone like how grandpa ate all the occupational to help us find out where else who we are groundnuts he bought and responsibilities and family the problem lies. It’s not as comfortable with, we did not give even a few to duties with one's spiritual simple as it looks. It takes remarry.” her, when they went to the needs, dealing with passion time, money and “Don’t people stop park near Vidhan Soudha and anger, and guidance in effort,”said the boss. talking to you or say things almost sixty years back. raising children. I heard “But that’s what our behind your back? Is it not Similarly, my grandfather these seminars are useful. family elders do, and it’s for difficult to find another says my granny suffers a One of my friends’ elder free.” partner since you are complex because she was brother went for them," “So, there divorced? What about the not allowed out of home, added another. are…..problems. It’s not as children?” and made to do the “So it is possible that she if there are no “No, no stigma to housework. But they stay would not listen to you, differences…. Then what divorce here. You can together, and not a day even if your mother chose do you do?” divorce and remarry as goes by when each has not her?” “What do you do in many times as you want.” inquired if the other has “Yes,” said the America?” asked one of the “That means marriage eaten. They worry like youngster with a smile. bolder ones. does not offer stability in nobody if the other gets “What do you do if your “We try to work it out. If your lives? If it can happen unwell. Sometimes it gets wife does not listen to we are not able to sort out any time, then the bonds to be too much. But my you?”He then asked. “Since the issues, we go in for a are never for life? There mother says they were not it is you who decided, you divorce.” would then always be like this when they were cannot go to your mother.” “What about the uncertainty.” There was young. “In America we have to children? Who do they stay concern in their voices. The Only now, in the bigger discuss and resolve it with? Do you have to stay group again spoke among cities and towns they are ourselves. Sometimes alone after the divorce?” themselves for some time. getting divorced. parent’s advice, but that is “Yes, we have to be on “Divorce is not accepted Sometimes the marriage rare. It is between her and our own for some time. But even now in India in most does not last even a few me.” sometimes it’s better homes. People are years or even months “Do you have other instead of just putting up a encouraged to resolve their nowadays. Earlier, it was elders to go to help you face of being together. And conflicts in some way or not as if all was rosy, but out? In India our other, instead of they stayed together. My grandparents, uncles, My parents and family will separating. My parents say women are able aunts all are there for us. find out about her family grandparents quarrel all the to think of divorce now It’s not just our parents.” also to make sure they time. My granny is eighty because they can take care “I told you we go to discipline their daughter if and grandpa is eighty of themselves. Earlier on my wife will not listen to three. My granny they suffered silently. It family therapists and me or my parents. counsellors in America.” remembers and taunts was a man’s world. “What do they do?” grandpa about little things But sometimes even I feel divorce is better when I see how my anna (brother) suffers because athige (sister-in-law) does not listen. My mava (mother’s brother) beats athe (aunt). Still she stays with him.I feel sad for her too,”said one of them. “It’s better to work on a relationship from the beginning, rather than try to make amends later. You get only one life, better try to make the best of it. In the United States, ambiguity in division of household responsibilities between working couples often results in stress and resentment. There are requires to make it work. criticise the other for a “Even in our country we issues of expectations, Any relationship needs to personal choice. had men cooks. Our King inabilities, promises, and so be worked upon. In human What I’m saying is, let’s Bheema, the Pandava king, many things.” said the relations there is no right do what is best instead of was a great cook too. So boss. Then they were all way or wrong way. The blindly aping other was another King Nala. We speaking, sometimes in final goal should be cultures, or taking the have a phrase in Telugu, unison. peaceful living. easier way. Let us put in ‘Nala-Bheemapakam’ “In India till recently few As I see differences effort to make marriages which means expert cooks women went out to work. could be avoided where successful, wherever it is like Kings Bheema and So it was considered a possible. Finding the ideal we are. Let’s take and learn Nala.” man’s job to earn and bring partner is almost the best from our culture, “We have a village near in money, and woman’s to impossible. It’s more a filmi and the better things from Bengaluru in Karnataka, take care of the home. thing. I believe it is about the Western world. Let us called Banasigrama, which Maybe that is why give and take, acceptance have the best of both means ‘Cook’s village’. sometimes women even and not passing judgments worlds. I think we should This was not the real name now do not understand on the other. I know it’s keep a period of at least of the village. The real how tough it is for a man to hard given the competitive five years of togetherness name was Kondrahalli. But survive in the outside world we are in. It’s not post marriage, as a faced with difficulties like world, to provide for the gestation period for a good unemployment, drought family. Similarly the men In the United States, marriage, for the partners and parched lands, do not appreciate the ambiguity in division of to understand one another households of Kondrahalli household responsibilities woman’s contribution. between working couples and settle down,”he said. village made cooking an Fortunately it is not often often results in stress and The boss listened to all alternative source of the case.” resentment. There are issues of them patiently and income. Instead of of expectations, inabilities, summed it up with his depending on others and promises, and so wisdom and maturity. blaming nature, they many things. “At the bottom of all opted to take up cooking relationships are human in functions, events and so frailty, the insecurity, on. Men even with vulnerability, the need to graduate and post be accepted, and the fear graduate degrees take up of criticism. It is important cooking in this village. to communicate to keep They go out to other relationships live, be it in villages and towns to cook. India or in America. All of us They say it gives them desire and need respect, pleasure to feed other love and care in any people, and make a living relationship, including in out of cooking. They are marriage. Yes, marriage not trained but they are can get better with time experts in many cuisines, just like olives in the just learnt it from their “In India we have more easy to live just like that. pickle!” fathers. The women folk in law problems because in But what to do? I think the “Now, may I go for the take care of cooking at India till recently it was the psychological harm that turkey? Or will you still say I home. The specialty of families which got married, too many changes and no should have let my mother Banasigrama cooks is not just the individuals. Not consistent relationship on a chose my wife? It’s not as if holige. Holiges are sweet like in America.” person’s psyche can be very my wife never takes care of flat breads with delicious “There are issues of harmful. It is bound to tell me. She cooks daily, boils stuffing made from sugar dowry, festivals, on all areas of a person’s egg, makes toast, fruit and peanuts to coconuts hospitality….” life. So divorce should be custard. It’s on special days and green gram cooked on Suddenly there was attempted as a last resort. that I take over,” he said a hot girdle with liberal silence. There seemed to Let us try to build on and added, “We’ve been helpings of ghee." have realised they were relationships. married 20 years now, "Holiges are a must in almost complaining. Then At the same time if difficult to think of anyone our marriages. Come to our one of them took charge as there is too much hurt, else now,” winking. marriages, you can taste if representing all of them, nagging and disrespect in a Not to be outdone, the them!” They screamed “Let’s not just talk of the relationship, better call it young trainees answered together and laughed at issues. Let’s find out what it quits. We have no right to with beaming smiles, their boss. We

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www.facebook.com/Manik-Chand-Jwellers-96975243149007 9678068937 Humour It’s A Punny Word!

Two much! By I. M. Soni

n instrumentalist alike but have different asked him: “Pray, is it your "Infinity is not in went to a composer meanings. “The Railway own hare or a wig?” finity", which means Afor a slot in the Society reception was an The pun, also called infinity is not in orchestra. The latter asked informal party of people of paronomasia, is a form of finite range. what instrument he played. all stations in life." word play that exploits “Sir, at home, I play the Pun is play on words, multiple meanings of a Another example of second fiddle.” wordplay, double entendre, term, or of similar- "a Freudian slip is A pun is a joke double meaning, innuendo, sounding words, for an when you say one exploiting the different witticism, and quip. A intended humorous or possible meanings of a porter was walking through rhetorical effect. These thing but mean your word or the fact that there a London street with a hare ambiguities can arise from mother." The are words which sound on his shoulder. A scholar the intentional use of recursive pun figurative language. A pun differs from a "Immanuel doesn't Pun is play on words, wordplay, double entendre, malapropism in that the pun, he Kant," witticism, and quip. A porter latter is an incorrect is attributed to was walking through a variation on a correct Oscar Wilde. London street with a hare expression: “you hissed my on his shoulder. A scholar mystery class.” A pun asked him: “Pray, is it your own hare or a wig?” involves expressions with multiple correct inter- pretations. Puns may be regarded as in jokes or idiomatic constructions, as their usage and meaning are specific to a particular language and its culture. Puns have a long history in human writing. Egyptian hieroglyphs were originally based on punning systems, and the Roman playwright Plautus was famous for his puns and word games. Punning has been credited as the fundamental concept behind alphabets and writing. Johnson referred to punning as lowest form of humour. "Why can a man never starve in the great desert? Because he can eat the sand which (sandwich) is there. "Infinity is not in finity", which means infinity is not in finite range. Another example of "a Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother." The recursive pun "Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant," is attributed to What do you call a cut! high school! Oscar Wilde. South American girl who is Puns and other forms of always in a hurry? Why did the boy Why was the maths wordplay have been used Urgent Tina! tiptoe past the medicine book sad? by many famous writers, What kind of shorts do cabinet? Because it had too many such as Alexander Pope, clouds wear? He didn't want to wake problems! James Joyce, Lewis Carroll, Thunder wear! the sleeping pills! John Donne. William Paronomasia is often a Shakespeare, who is Where do boats go to Why did the tomato headline writer’s need for estimated to have used when they get sick? turn red? quick catchiness and has over 3,000 puns in his The dock! It saw the salad resulted in a new tolerance plays. dressing! for a long despised form of Here is an example from Why can't your nose be Why did the tree go to humour. Shakespeare's Richard III: 12 inches long? the dentist? This is common in the Now is the winter of our Because then it would To get a root canal! media, especially headlines discontent made glorious be a foot! to draw the reader’s summer by this son of Why don't you see interest. A notable example York" (Son/sun) Why did the barber win giraffes in elementary is a New York Post headline Shakespeare was also the race? school? “Headless Body in Topless noted for his frequent Because he took a short Because they're all in Bar”. We play with less serious puns, the "quibbles" of the sort that made Samuel Johnson Calcium Tablets – Are they REALLY NECESSARY? complain, "A quibble is to Shakespeare what We all tend to take calcium tablets from an early age luminous vapours are to may be from 30/ 35 or earlier fortified by Vitamin D. the traveller! He follows After taking tablets we think our Vitamin D & Calcium it to all adventures; it is will become normal... sure to lead him out of his way, sure to engulf Either a doctor would have prescribed or our friend/ him in the mire. It has relative/ neighbour has been taking . We still keep Dr Vidushi Agrawal suffering from backache or pain in joints without DHMS (Mum),HMD (Lon), some malignant power MSc.DFSM (IGNOU) over his mind, and its understanding if calcium tablets fortified with fascinations are Vitamin D are really benefitting us or no. We end up with osteoporosis. irresistible. The pun has been Remember looked upon as an affliction of the English 1. Calcium in blood will never be low, language according to because whenever calcium in blood is Charles Lamb low, calcium from bones comes into the Can February March? blood making your bones weaker No. But April May! 2. If Vitamin D has been low for quite some time... then definitely whatever Did you hear about the amount of calcium tablet you take - painter who was calcium will not get absorbed, & its hospitalised? Reports say it was due a path to severe diseases, to too many strokes! 3. The foods we eat contains sufficient amount of daily calcium requirement. Hence it is not required to take calcium tablets Have you heard the joke separately. about the butter? I better not tell you, it Want to know more on Vitamin D & Calcium might spread! Build your Immunity with Natural Healthy Diet - What did the triangle Whatsapp – 9969526918 or write to say to the circle? Dr. [email protected] You’re pointless!

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 63 Risk Increases with Alcohol Used In Early Pregnancy

Drinking While Pregnant Affects Child's Development. By Shree Vardhan Mani

here's a very good reason moms-to-be are advised to be Tteetotalers: Drinking alcohol puts a woman's pregnancy and her unborn child at risk for a number of potentially devastating outcomes. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), drinking alcohol while pregnant can cause miscarriage, stillbirth, and fetal alcohol syndrome disorders (FASDs), a range of physical, intellectual, and behavioral disabilities that affect a baby throughout his or her life. You may have read that a glass of wine once in a while isn't dangerous for a pregnancy, or that once a woman is in the third trimester of pregnancy any alcohol she drinks isn't likely to affect her baby because by that point the baby is fully developed. But research has shown that there's no time during pregnancy when it's safe for a woman to drink, nor is there an amount of alcohol that's safe. Each week a woman consumes alcohol during the first five to 10 weeks of pregnancy is associated with an incremental 8% increase in risk of miscarriage, according to a study by Vanderbilt University Medical Center (VUMC) researchers. Impact of alcohol use rises through the ninth week of pregnancy, and risk accrues regardless of whether a woman reported having fewer than one drink or more than four drinks each week. Risk is also independent of the type of alcohol consumed and whether the woman had episodes of binge drinking. Though most women change their alcohol use after a positive pregnancy test, consuming alcohol before recognizing a pregnancy is IMPACT OF ALCOHOL still developing being will wind up common among both those with a with the same amount of alcohol in planned or unintended pregnancy. USE RISES THROUGH its blood but without the ability to Half of the 5,353 women included in THE NINTH WEEK OF process it. the analysis reported alcohol use PREGNANCY, AND RISK Despite all of the warnings about around conception and during the birth defects or developmental first weeks of pregnancy. ACCRUES REGARDLESS disabilities caused by drinking The median gestational age for OF WHETHER A alcohol while pregnant, research stopping alcohol use was 29 days. WOMAN REPORTED shows that 1 in 10 pregnant Although 41% of women who HAVING FEWER THAN American women, ages 18 to 44, changed their use did so within reports drinking alcohol within the three days of a positive pregnancy ONE DRINK OR MORE last 30 days and about one-third of test, those who stopped THAN FOUR DRINKS women who reported drinking in consumption near their missed EACH WEEK. RISK IS the last 30 days engaged in binge period had a 37% greater risk of drinking, according to the Centers miscarriage compared to women ALSO INDEPENDENT OF for Disease Control and Prevention. who did not use alcohol. THE TYPE OF ALCOHOL Biologically, little is known about CONSUMED AND Fetal Alcohol Spectrum how alcohol causes harm during Disorders early pregnancy, but it may increase WHETHER THE WOMAN FAS is relatively rare, occurring in miscarriage risk by modifying HAD EPISODES OF only 0.5 to 2.0 times per 1,000 births hormone patterns, altering the BINGE DRINKING. in the United States. There are quality of implantation, increasing other, less severe defects and oxidative stress or impairing key miscarriage, the researchers disabilities, known collectively as pathways. emphasize the importance of using fetal alcohol spectrum disorders Because alcohol use is most home pregnancy tests, which can (FASDs), which occur approximately common in the first weeks -- when reliably detect pregnancy before a three times as often as FAS. the embryo develops most rapidly missed period, and ceasing alcohol Here are some of the specific and lays down the pattern for organ use when planning a pregnancy or effects that fetal alcohol exposure development -- understanding how when pregnancy is possible. can produce: timing relates to risk matters. Drinking raises the levels of Risk did not peak in patterns alcohol in your blood. Because Lower IQ Scores related to alcohol use in specific you're an adult, your body has the A study at the University of phases of embryonic development, ability to process this alcohol. At the Pittsburgh School of Medicine and there was no evidence that a same time, though, the alcohol in found that children whose mothers cumulative "dose" of alcohol your bloodstream passes to your drank while they were pregnant, contributed to level of risk. fetus via the placenta. This means even light to moderate drinkers, To avoid increased risk of that the significantly smaller and recorded lower IQ scores at age 10,

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 65 excessively drank and smoked Specific effects that fetal alcohol exposure can produce. cigarettes were more likely to give birth to a newborn with an 0-200ms 201-320 ms infection. Even mothers who did not smoke, but drank alcohol, were more likely to have newborns with Intact late infections. connectivity No Safe Limit for Alcohol While Pregnant The scientific studies mentioned

No alcohol above and many others have shown Alcohol that alcohol consumption during pregnancy can have negative

Occasional Lost late effects on children. What none of Consistent connectivity these studies have determined is how much alcohol it takes to produce those negative outcomes. Therefore, it is currently recommended that women stop Left primary somatosensory cortex drinking completely as soon as they Left secondary somatesonsory cortex Night secondary somatesonsory cortex find out they are pregnant or if they are trying to become pregnant. A baby who survives being compared to children whose CHILDREN WHOSE exposed to alcohol while in the mothers did not drink. This was MOTHERS DRANK womb may suffer the disabilities especially true for African-American caused by FASD for his entire life. children. WHILE THEY WERE The health problems that can be PREGNANT, EVEN LIGHT caused by fetal alcohol syndrome Smaller Brain Size TO MODERATE include: Babies whose mothers continue ● Physical deformities and bone to drink heavily during pregnancy DRINKERS, RECORDED and joint problems have smaller skulls and brains LOWER IQ SCORES AT ● Facial abnormalities compared to babies whose mothers AGE 10, COMPARED TO ● Low birth weight did not drink or those who quit ● Delayed development when they found out they were CHILDREN WHOSE ● Learning disabilities pregnant, a University of New MOTHERS DID NOT ● Behavioral issues such as Mexico study found. These infants DRINK. aggression, hyperactivity, and also had smaller cerebellums, the antisocial behavior region of the brain involved in when infants cannot maximize ● Hearing loss mental, motor and sensory tasks. learning efficiency it can cause a ● Congenital heart disease Learning, Memory Disabilities cumulative deficit over time, ● Speech impairments Heavy drinking, moderate or resulting in lower IQ scores and ● Vision issues light drinking can affect the learning difficulties in learning basic ● Anxiety and depression and memory capabilities of children functional and academic skills. Many of these symptoms and also occurs in children whose problems can be managed after mothers were light to moderate Visual Problems birth, but there is no way to undo drinkers, according to another When children have other the damage that alcohol can cause University of Pittsburgh School of symptoms of FAS, they may also in a developing child. Medicine study. have problems with the sharpness If you're pregnant, or even trying of their vision. Children of mothers to become pregnant (remember, Slower Processing Speed who were light, moderate or binge you won't know you've conceived A Wayne State University study drinkers had a greater risk for poor until at least a month afterward), it's found that fetal alcohol exposure visual acuity. better to be safe than sorry. Passing can cause slower processing and on that glass of pinot or opting for a attention speeds even in infancy for Newborn Infection Risks mocktail instead of margarita will be babies of heavy drinkers during An Emory University study of 872 worth it when you give birth to a pregnancy. Researchers found infants found mothers who healthy, happy baby. We

66 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 will startle my friends and make me the butt of Teenache jokes. Is there any help for me? Will I just have to wait till I grow out of this habit? & Nocturnal teeth-grinding or bruxism is quite A common in children and even some adults, The Q causes can be varied: stress and anxiety, abnormal bite, missing teeth, crooked teeth, misaligned jaw. Sometimes, sleep apnea could AM A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHOSE MARRIAGE HAS BEEN FIXED FEW also be the cause. years ago!! Our parents are close friends and decided Your dentist can prescribe a mouth guard or splints Ithat their children Should marry each other. At that which will keep the teeth separated to prevent clenching time, I was innocent enough to accept their decision, but and grinding in sleep. If your teeth are misaligned, dental now, I feel trapped and resentful. Our wedding will take correction could be called for. place after two years. The effects of this condition, are damage to teeth, I want to tell my parents that I want to break off the headaches, pain in the jaws, tense jaw or facial muscles, engagement, but this could also break their hearts. I have bruising of inner cheeks, wearing off tooth enamel,etc. nothing against this boy specifically. It is just that I do not If you want to go on your school trip and have peaceful believe in arranged marriages….all my friends have sleep, the mouth guard could be the answer. Consult a boyfriends, and will have love marriages. I am denied all specialist and decide on the course of action. this just because of my parents’ arbitrary action.I am confused and unhappy. I cannot even date my fiancé HAVE A VERY CLOSE FRIEND IN OUR CLASS 8TH WE HAVE BEEN because he works in New York. Please advise. friends from kindergarten. She has had a boyfriend who It is understandable that you feel deprived of all the Iis from class 12. They have been together for three excitement of having boyfriends, dating, courting…the years. Two months back, they had a massive spat and split whole works…because you are already spoken for. It would up and are now not even on talking terms. have been better if your parents had involved both you To my utter surprise, this boy met me last week and young people’s feelings and opinions before deciding to invited me to his girl friend! He claims he has completely marry you off! got over my friend and finds me much more attractive than You can first explain your sentiments to your parents so her! I asked him to give me time to consider his proposal. that they can take steps to help you. They could help you And am now, confused and disturbed. I have not told my get to know your fiancé better by communicating with friend about this. each other through skype, facetime etc. It is not difficult to Please tell me what I can do. cultivate a long distance relationship with each other with It is entirely your call. If you accept his proposal, you all the modern technology available to us. Do realise, he will antagonise your friend, and hurt her immensely. She too might be keen to learn things about the girl who is will feel betrayed and cheated by you. Without a doubt, scheduled to be his life partner. she will distance herself from you and you will lose a Also, maybe you could even make a trip to New York relationship cemented by several years. with your parents to meet up with him and find out the If you accept this boy, it could be simply because you lifestyle he is leading. are blown away by his praise, and your ego is getting a It is not realistic to think love marriages are better than massive boost, and you are enjoying the feeling. arranged ones either. It is only that in the latter, the Just think, how you would feel if your friend did this wooing and courting begins after tying the knot, and this with you.Loyalty and trust are paramount in a friendship. can be more romantic and satisfying. Also, this boy is feckless, insensitive and uncouth to If after getting to know about each other, you find you even try to woo you, when he knows your friend will find it are not at all compatible and have different values, goals, devastating. In fact, in all probability, he is trying to hurt his expectations and needs, you should think of breaking off ex-friend with this plan. instead of living a life of discord. It is definitely advisable, to reject his overture. It is simply not worth it. It is, however,you who have to HAVE A VERY EMBARRASSING PROBLEM. ATNIGHTS, WHEN FAST decide… asleep, I grind my teeth, making loud noises. Of course, I don’t realise this but my sister who sleeps with me and I This column is especially for teenagers. Adolescence can, we know, be a my parents too know about this. My mother tells me not to trying and confusing time. There are so many questions which seem to worry, and that I will grow out of this tendency. I am a 13- evade solutions. A wrong decision, or an indiscreet move, can spell year-old girl. disaster and ruin a life. Share your problem, worry or doubt with us and WE Next month, our class is going to Dharmashala on a will help you find a way out — to a happier, healthier and more successful adult life. Send your problems to: school trip. We will spend three nights in that town. Now, I WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055, Womansera.com am scared to go because of my teeth-grinding habit which

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 67 Masturbating in the Shower Infinitely Better Itʼs private, and itʼs relaxing. By Shree Vardhan Mani

or those of not fortunate enough to live alone, Fcoronavirus quarantine may have made living situation a bit crowded. So much so that it may be tough to find enough "me time" during your week to masturbate. Because let's face it: It's hard to relax enough to get down and dirty with yourself when you've got one eye and one ear open, worried that someone might overhear you or even walk in on you. That's why we believe the bathroom — specifically, the shower — is the perfect place to rub one out. Masturbation in the shower provides a safe space for that private moment. More often than not, your bathroom's got a door that locks, and the running water goes a long way toward drowning out any noise. There you have it: the perfect quarantine masturbation spot. Few things are better than hopping in the shower, lathering your body with overpriced body wash, and getting an orgasm in before going about your day. And though sometimes overlooked, the shower is pretty much the best place for sex— whether coupled or solo. It’s private, it’s relaxing, and if you close your eyes, you can even pretend you’re under a waterfall in Maui. Plus, the sensations of water, cleansing, and masturbation is healing. Combine all three and It's a way of serving oneself. And you, my friend, deserve to be served. So, to help, we talked with some highly-educated experts on unexpected tips for masturbating in the shower. Read on for all the sexy inspo. How do I masturbate in the shower? If you’re new to the world of shower orgasms (or just want a refresher), there are a few things to keep in mind before getting down and dirty clean. First, make sure the tub, showerhead, and faucet are all clean for, uh, obvious reasons. The last thing you want it to get an infection or walk away feeling IN A SHOWER dirtier (and not in like, a hot way). Another thing: Stay away from WITHOUT A HAND- harsh chemicals right before you HELD SHOWERHEAD, get in (hiiiii, bleach!). Some soap PROP YOUR LEG UP and water should be enough to get things grime-free. AND UTILIZE YOUR Once things are clean and you’re HANDS OR TOYS. AND ready to get your orgasm in, IN A SHOWER/TUB That's an easy, low-maintenance experiment with what feels good COMBO, LAY ON YOUR way to experience fun stimulation depending on the structure of your without having to bring a toy into tub. Switch between using the BACK AND USE THE the bathroom with you, If privacy is showerhead, your fingers, and WATER PRESSURE a concern, and you have a shower different toys. FROM THE FAUCET— head like that, it's a quick fix. In a shower without a hand-held showerhead, prop your leg up and OR GRAB THE Is it actually safe to use the utilize your hands or toys. And in a SHOWERHEAD—AND showerhead or faucet? shower/tub combo, lay on your back PLAY WITH THE Yes, but don't use the and use the water pressure from SETTINGS ON YOUR showerhead or the faucet for the faucet—or grab the penetrative masturbation. Instead, showerhead—and play with the CLITORIS. use it to stimulate your clitoris. Just settings on your clitoris. Experiment Take advantage of your make sure, beforehand, you test the with different settings and positions removable shower head temperature of the water with your until you find something you like, You and your shower head = a hand (to be sure it is not too hot) and if you have a tried-and-true tale as old as time. This and then also make sure the force method, don’t be afraid to mix it up masturbation method is tried and of the stream isn't hard strong in new ways. Getting a super soft true, and one you should take enough to cause pain against your clean towel to wrap around the advantage enough if you're blessed pleasure spots. Then, get on with faucet and then grinding on it can enough to have a detachable one in the water-pressure pleasure be pleasurable too. your tub or shower stall. awaiting.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 69 Are there any other risks involved? The other major concern with shower masturbating and shower sex in general (other than never wanting to get out of the water) is the possibility of falling. Slipping and falling is going to be the most dangerous thing to look out for. So a slip-resistant mat for the tub or shower is highly recommended. Find a position that you can hold and potentially something to grab onto (other than yourself) if you start to feel unsteady. It’s also always a good idea to have your phone within reach in case you need to call for help... or take some steamy selfies. Work in some lube YOUR MASTURBATION How can I make it hotter? If you're into using lube while If you’re ready to make your you masturbate — or want to add it POSITION WILL DEPEND shower masturbation even sexier, while you're using a toy — skip any ON WHETHER YOU there are endless ways to turn up water-based types. Water-based HAVE A SHOWER STALL the heat. Some suggestions: lubes are not ideal for use in the ● Put on some of your favorite shower because they will quickly OR A TUB (WHERE music (which can drown out your run off. A better bet is to use a LYING DOWN IS AN moans if others are at home) silicone- or oil-based lube. OPTION). ULTIMATELY, ● Play an erotic audiobook. Highly If you choose silicone, though, IT'S ALL ABOUT recommend stories from Dipsea. make sure that lube is compatible ● Light incense or a candle with your specific toy. You don't WHATEVER FEELS ● Bring a toy to play with want to use a silicone toy with a COMFORTABLE FOR ● Grab a sparkling water or glass of silicone lubricant. (The lube could YOU AND YOUR BODY wine to drink after you get out degrade the toy.) And oil-based Basically, think of this as your lubes can often break down IN THE SHOWER. own erotic pampering sesh. And if condoms or dental dams, so don't slipping or falling — before really you’re feeling generous, you can use one of those if you use the getting down to business. also invite your partner to join too, barrier method for protection. says Sparks. As long as the space is Also, important: Lubes are Watch out for the soap big enough for everyone to fit slippery, and showers can be Soaps may be good for cleansing comfortably, you should be able to slippery too, so be ultra-careful. If your skin, but it shouldn’t be going make it work, and non-penetrative any lubricant gets near your feet, anywhere too close to your private sex is a great way to add variety to you could risk falling — and that can areas. That's especially true if your sex life. be super dangerous. there’s penetration of any kind Try 'assisted' masturbation involved. If you have a vagina, soap positions. Maybe one time your Get in the right position could throw off your natural pH, partner gets to guide the Your masturbation position will putting you at risk of issues such as showerhead for you. Maybe the depend on whether you have a yeast infections or bacterial next time you switch. Use your shower stall (which may be vaginosis. Some soaps can irritate good old fingers, which work standing-room only) or a tub (where the rectum, too. You may even want amazingly too. lying down is an option). Ultimately, to masturbate first, and use your However you go about it, the it's all about whatever feels soap later. point of masturbating in the shower comfortable for you and your body You can still use a great-smelling is to relax, unwind, and just feel in the shower. Practice a few soap to get yourself in the mood good—whatever that looks like for different positions to find and to self-stimulate, but just avoid you. Self-pleasure releases stress, something that feels good — and, touching your genital areas with it gets rid of headaches, and brings again, doesn't put you at risk of while you're masturbating. out all kinds of creative juices. We

70 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 LTHOUGH I HAVE VERY ATTRACTIVE FACIAL Beauty Queries features, I DO not like the shape of my Alips, for it is too thin. It makes me look like stern school teacher! I know that this is a & hereditary feature….my mother and two sisters A have this issue too, but while they are not Q bothered by it, I am keen to do something to rectify this. Can I resort to plastic surgery? I am a 15-year-old girl. FRIEND SUGGESTED TO USE COLLAGEN TO DEAL WITH THE To go under a cosmetic surgeon’s knife at your age is wrinkles on my forehead. What is this and where do not a good idea, as you are still in the growing age. It is AI get it from? I am a 40-year-old woman in only around the age of 20 or thereabouts that your face will Aurangabad. settle into a final adult format. Collagen is present abundantly in the body as the main You can use cosmetics to cleverly create the illusion of structural protein in various connective tissues. It makes up fuller lips. Outline the contours of broader lips with a lip from 25 to 35 per cent of the whole protein content in colour pencil outside the edges of your lips; use lip gloss on mammals. It helps muscles, joints, skin and tendons. It is the lips and extend the gloss to reach the outer edges you used pretty extensively to help skin regain its elasticty. have penciled in. As we age, collagen is lost steadily from the skin and Dab lips with tissue to remove extra gloss. Now use this causes skin to wrinkle, thin, and sag. Collagen lipstick over the natural and extended lip lines carefully, supplements in the form of powder help to increase its seamlessly and smoothly. Now, your lips will look naturally presence in the body, and there are creams to use topically broader. too to improve sagging in skin and smooth out wrinkles. Fillers are usually used by cosmetic surgeons to plump Nowadays, the use of collagen supplements has up thin lips. Botox is the most common filler used. The decreased considerably as its effects are not very effect is not permanent and you will have to opt for consistent. In fact, many take recourse to botox instead, another session as your lips begin to shrink again. Anyway, although this causes stiffness and partial paralysis of the you are advised not to go in for such procedures now. muscles. Avoid dark colours of lipstick as these make lips look ● thinner. Use pale shades, light pinks, ruby or rose, for AM 30 YEARS OLD AND AM SURPRISED BY A PATCH OF pimples example. ● which has sprouted on my face.I have always had a Ismooth, acne-free complexion all my life, even during LEASE TELL ME HOW TO REMOVE THE HAIR FROM INSIDE MY my teens. How has this happened? And, how do I deal with nostrils. I have a thick growth which does not look this? Please advise. Pgood, although I tweeze the hairs which I can reach. I You are having adult acne which affects women, and am a 20-year-old woman living in Madurai.Can I use a sometimes men, due to several reasons. Stress, excessive depilatory? smoking or sudden change of climate could cause an Do not tweeze hairs from your nostrils as this could lead outburst. Could one of these conditions be the culprit in to infection, boils and eruptions, as the inner nostril skin is your case? fragile and moist. To trim large hairs, use a pair of scissors, Some cosmetics could have caused allergic reactions taking care not to nick yourself. on your skin. If you have started to use a new beauty Never use a depilatory as it can harm the skin and also product, this could be the cause. you may inhale it and cause health issues. A diet which is rich in fats, non-vegetarian items, greasy Nostril hairs can be removed very efficiently with a ingredients could cause an increase of oiliness in the skin trimmer, which has either a rotary or oscillatory blade. It is layers, to trigger an attack of pimples too. for you to decide which kind you are more comfortable Recently, research has revealed that poly cystic ovary with. syndrome( PCOS) and certain hormonal imbalances affect You have to guide the trimmer carefully into your nostril skin adversely, usually due to excessive tetestorone or and switch it on. Then bring it out and blow into a tissue to some other androgens in the body, to cause acne. get rid of the cut hairs . For a start, avoid cosmetics, especially foundations, and Follow the instructions on the trimmer pack carefully. It keep your face clean and scrubbed. Use only a light is advisable to learn to use it first from a beautician, after moisturiser containing SPF 30 to keep offharm from UV which you can do it at home very easily. rays. Avoid fat and oil-based soaps; use a glycerine soap instead. Readers are invited to send their beauty problems and If your condition does not improve visibly within a questions regarding face, complexion, hair, skin, eyes, etc to this column. fortnight, do consult a dermatologist to access your Address your letters, written legibly or typed on white paper, to: problem. You may need hormonal therapy to get relief WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055. from your problem.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 71 NutritiousNutritiousWarm yourself up with andandthese yummy DeliciousDelicious winter recipes.

Black Bean and Walnut Koftas

2 tablespoons chia seeds make the mixture too smooth. BLACK BEAN & 1 1/2 teaspoons ground coriander Transfer mixture to a bowl. Stir 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin in egg, chia seeds, coriander, WALNUT 1 teaspoon salt cumin, salt and pepper. 1/2 teaspoon black pepper Form mixture into 8-9 even KOFTAS balls and mold into an oval. INGREDIENTS Carefully skewer with wooden 1 cup California walnut halves METHOD skewers, up about 3/4 the length 1 cup old-fashioned oats Soak 8 wooden skewers in of the oval koftas. 425g black beans, rinsed and water for 30 minutes. Combine Heat grill or grill pan over drained walnuts, oats, black beans, medium high heat. Brush grill with parsley, onion and mint in food olive oil. Place skewers on grill and 1/2 cup chopped parsley processor. Pulse until mixture cook for about 8 minutes per side. 1/3 cup finely chopped onion comes together but is still chunky Brush koftas with olive oil, if 2 tablespoons fresh mint (similar to the texture of cooked desired 1 large egg ground meat). Be careful not to

72 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 SALTED HONEY & WALNUT MILK LATTE INGREDIENTS 1 shot (50g) freshly brewed espresso 1 tablespoon honey, plus more for garnish Pinch of flakey sea salt 3/4 cup steamed walnut milk Salted Honey & Walnut Milk Latte

METHOD 2/3 cup chopped California METHOD Place espresso, honey and sea walnuts To prepare filling, melt butter salt in a latte mug; stir to combine. 1/4 cup brown sugar in a large non-stick skillet. Add Heat walnut milk and pour into 3 tablespoons dried cranberries apples and cook for 10 minutes or mug. Garnish with additional honey 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon until soft. Add walnuts, brown and sea salt, if desired. sugar, cranberries and cinnamon Pie dough and cook for a few minutes more. Set aside to cool. Unroll each pie dough on a very lightly floured APPLE WALNUT board and sprinkle with walnuts. Gather into a ball and knead HAND PIES several times to incorporate walnuts into dough. Roll into an INGREDIENTS 11-inch circle and cut into circles 2 tablespoons butter about 4 1/2-inches in diameter. Re- 2 large green apples, peeled, roll scraps and repeat to make 10 cored and chopped circles. Using your fingertips, coat the outside of each circle with Apple Walnut Hand Pies water. Place about 1 1/2 tablespoons of apple mixture into the centre of each pastry circle . Bring up 2 edges and pinch the edges to seal in the filling. Crimp firmly with a fork and coat with cooking spray. Preheat an oven to 180°C, and cook for 10 minutes or until pies are a light golden brown. Optional – You can replace apples with 1 1/2 cups peeled and diced ripe pears and prepare as directed above, melting the butter before adding to the pears. Cilantro leaves Thai basil leaves Snipped green onion tops Lime zest (optional garnishes)

METHOD Heat oil in a medium skillet over medium heat. Add onion and carrot and cook for 7 minutes or until very soft, stirring Orange Turmeric occasionally. Stir in tomato paste, and Vanilla Yogurt ginger, salt and garlic and cook for Smoothie 3 minutes more, stirring

Coconut Curry Lentil and Walnut Meatballs ORANGE TURMERIC & VANILLA YOGURT SMOOTHIE INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup frozen mango cubes 1/2 cup orange juice 1/4 cup vanilla yogurt 2 tablespoons walnut halves 1 tablespoon honey 1/2 teaspoon turmeric 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 medium yellow onion, chopped 1 frozen banana frequently. Transfer to a large 1 large carrot, peeled and coarsely bowl and stir in walnuts, lentils, shredded breadcrumbs and egg; mix well. METHOD 1 tablespoon tomato paste Chill the mixture for 15 minutes. Place all ingredients in a high 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger Preheat oven to 200°C and line a speed blender and blend until 1/2 teaspoon salt large baking sheet with smooth. 1 clove garlic, minced parchment paper or lightly grease. 1/2 cup chopped Roll walnut mixture into 16 equal balls and place on baking sheet, walnuts and bake for 20 minutes or until COCONUT 1/2 cup brown lentils, cooked tops are lightly browned. While 1/4 cup dry breadcrumbs walnuts are baking, bring coconut CURRY LENTIL 1 egg, lightly beaten milk, curry paste and garlic to a Coconut Curry Sauce: gentle boil in a medium saucepan. AND WALNUT 1 can lite or regular coconut milk Whisk in dissolved cornstarch and 2 tablespoons red curry paste cook until slightly thickened. Stir MEATBALLS 2 teaspoons cornstarch dissolved in lime juice and salt. INGREDIENTS in 1 tablespoon cold water Add meatballs to sauce and gently stir to coat. Garnish as Meatballs: Juice of 1 lime (2 tablespoons) desired. 1 tablespoon olive oil Salt to taste

74 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 PAAN CUSTARD INGREDIENTS 2 cups Walnut milk 2 tablespoons Agar agar powder A drop of rose extract 5 tablespoons Sugar 2 Betel leaves, crushed Garnish Fresh Pomegranate seeds Walnuts, chopped roughly

METHOD Heat walnut milk in a pan. Stir in agar agar and boil for a minute till the granules disintegrate Paan Custard completely. Stir in betel leaves and rose extract along with sugar. OLD BOMBAY Divide the mixture into small ramekins. Chill for an hour. Turn NANKHATAI over. Serve topped with INGREDIENTS pomegranates and walnuts. 1/2 cup ghee 1/2 cup powdered sugar 3/4 cup Refined flour 1/4 cup Walnut powder Old Bombay Nankhatai Pinch of salt 1 tablespoon semolina 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon Cardamom powder Glazing 2 tablespoons milk 1 tablespoon Powdered sugar

METHOD In a mixing bowl ghee and powdered sugar, whip smooth for 10 minutes till it is soft, white, fluffy and creamy. Add refined flour, walnut powder, salt, semolina and baking soda, cardamom powder. Mix well and knead the dough combining with your hand. Do not over knead. Roll into a baking sheet till the dough is 1 cm thick. Transfer onto a baking tray. Cut into long rectangles. Mix milk and sugar in a bowl and apply on top of the cut triangles using a brush. Bake at 180°C for 10 minutes. Remove the tray and allow the cake to cool completely. Store in airtight container.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 75 CALIFORNIA WALNUTS MANIPURI THUKPA INGREDIENTS 1 cup noodles, cooked 1 teaspoon schezwan sauce 1 cup beans, sliced thinly California Walnuts 1 cup carrots, juliennes Sikkimese Momo 4 cups chicken stock 1 teaspoon cracked pepper 1 tablespoon garlic, chopped Salt as required CALIFORNIA 1 tablespoon soy sauce 8 chicken momos 1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1/4 cup walnuts, chopped WALNUTS Salt to taste roughly SIKKIMESE 1 tablespoon vegetable oil

METHOD MOMO METHOD Heat a work and add the INGREDIENTS For the filling: chicken stock. Allow it to simmer For the cover Heat oil in a pan and fry the adding salt and pepper. Add 2 cups flour onions till translucent. Add the momos, noodles, vegetables, garlic, walnuts and meat. Cook on schezwan sauce and allow it to A pinch of salt 3/4 cup hot water high flame. Dry out the liquid that simmer for 3 minutes. Stir in the meat releases. Cover and cook For the filling walnuts and serve hot. for 15 minutes on low flame. Add 1 cup lamb mince all the other ingredients and cool 1/2 cup walnuts, chopped the mixture. roughly For the cover: Mix the flour and 1/2 cup onion, finely chopped salt to taste and add a little hot water at a time to make a stiff yet smooth dough. Rest under a California walnuts Manipuri Thukpa damp cloth. Final assembly: Divide the dough into marble-sized balls and roll into very thin circles if roughly 4”diameter. Dab a tiny bit of water on the edges of the circle. Put a tablespoon of the cooked mince in the centre of each circle. Fold the edges over the mince and pinch and twist to seal or fold the momo into over the mince and pinch and twist to seal or fold the momo into a semi- circular shape and pinch the edges. Get as creative as you like shapes, as long as you make sure to seal the edges you like with shapes, as long as you make sure to seal the edges well. Place the momos in a steaming dish and cook for 10 minutes. Serve piping hot with a spicy dip or dunk them in a thukpa! METHOD WALNUTS Grind the dry spices to a fine powder. Keep aside. In a pot, take PANEER DUM curd and walnut milk. Whisk till lump-free. Add the spice mix, fried BIRYANI onions, tomatoes, ginger- garlic INGREDIENTS paste, tomato slices and salt. Mix 2 cups basmati rice, parboiled well. Add paneer cubes and walnut halves. Add one cup water 1/2 walnut halves and place the pot on medium 2 tablespoons oil flame. Top with parboiled rice. 1 cup paneer, cut into cubes Furthermore, top with dried rose 1/2 cup fried onions petals and coriander leaves. Cover 1 tablespoon ginger- garlic with a lid and cook on medium- paste low flame for 20 minutes. Fluff 1/2 cup curd with a fork and serve with 1/2 cup walnut milk kachumber or raita. 1/2 cup tomato, sliced California Walnuts Salt as required Paneer Dum Biryani Dry spice mix 1/2 stick cinnamon WALNUT 1 tablespoon red chili powder PANEER 1/2 gram saffron 1 teaspoon jeera 1 teaspoon turmeric powder MAKHANI 1 tablespoon ghee or olive oil 1 teaspoon green cardamom 1 green chilli seeds INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon honey 1/2 teaspoon cloves 4 medium sized tomatoes 1/4 whisked curd 1 tablespoon coriander 1 onion A pinch of garam masala seeds 4-5 garlic cloves 1 teaspoon kasuri methi 1 teaspoon pepper corns 1/2 ginger 300g paneer 1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds 2-3 Kashmiri red chilli 1 teaspoon butter optional 1/2 cumin seeds 1/3 cup Walnuts 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds Salt to taste METHOD Garnish 1 teaspoon coriander powder In a pan add the tomatoes and Dried rose petals 1 teaspoon Kashmiri red chilli onion cut in quarters. Add garlic, ginger, Kashmiri red chillies, salt, Coriander leaves powder coriander powder, red chilli powder, jeera and add some California water (about 200ml) and cover WalnutPaneer Makhani and cook for about 7-8 minutes. Add walnuts and cook for another 3-4 minutes. Cool down the mixture and grind it in a mixer grinder. You need a very fine paste. Now in the same pan add a very little amount of ghee, butter or olive oil. Add a slit green chilli and some ginger julienne. Sauté for half a minute and add the healthy makhani gravy by passing through a sieve. Now adjust the seasoning, add some honey or sugar and bring to a simmer. Whisk the curd very well & lower the flame and add the curd. Cook for 3-4 minutes and then add paneer cubes. Finish with garam METHOD masala powder and freshly Chop Walnuts and toast them toasted kasuri methi. Add a into a pan, do not over do it. teaspoon of butter to add some Puree the mangoes to get mango buttery flavour. Serve hot. pulp if using fresh mangoes. Add ghee, semolina and wheat flour in a pan and start roasting on medium flame. Keep roasting and MANGO stirring until the colour starts to change and you get a nice aroma. WALNUT Now add sugar and mango pulp and stir quickly. While mixing SHEERAKEER continuously add the water too. INGREDIENTS Keep stirring to avoid lumps and add the toasted Walnuts. Cool 3/4 cup ghee until the ghee separates. 3/4 cup semolina Serve immediately! 1/4 cup wheat flour 3/4 cup sugar 1/2 cup Mango puree NO-BAKE 2 cups water (you can add more if No-Bake Vegan Walnut the sheera is too dry) VEGAN Chocolate Brownie 1/2 cup Walnuts WALNUT A pinch of salt 1/4 cup roasted California Walnut CHOCOLATE chunks BROWNIE METHOD INGREDIENTS Chop the dates into smaller 1 cup Walnuts pieces so that it is easy to grind 1 cup pitted Dates them. Alternatively, soak them in 6 tablespoons cocoa powder boiling water if they are extra firm. In a mixer grinder add one- cup Walnuts, cocoa powder and a pinch of salt and give it a blitz until you get a powder like consistency. Add the dates and grind well to combine everything. Add warm water if it is getting difficult to grind the mixture. Transfer this crumbly dough into a mixing bowl and add chopped roasted walnut chunks. Turn mixture on a parchment paper or a plate and spread it into a large square. Cut into pieces and garnish it with some Walnuts. You can also make vegan chocolate ganache with coconut oil and cocoa powder and top it up on your brownies. Chill the brownies in the fridge and serve. RecipÏes by: Chef Sabyasachi Gorai, Chef Varun Inamdar and Mango Walnut SheeraKeer Chef Sanjyot Keer. Delays are Now dangerous. Never! ByOr Rameshinder Sandhu ust few weeks before New Year, poet and saint – Kabir once rightly when this goes on, it may give birth finally there was a reply from said from his experiences, “Jo kal to circumstances that may not Jone of the inflight magazine’s kar so aaj, jo aaj kar so aab” (what stand with us. How can I ever forget editor. I knew it will be a positive you want to do tomorrow, do it that day at Zurich Airport, when I response, considering my travel today and what you want to do had to fly to India after the essay set in their popular today, do it now). As we try completion of my degree? After all, I destination, besides being topical dragging almost everything for the had postponed all my formalities for for the chosen month. time to come, we fail to value the the last day and this got me so late But as I hurriedly opened, it was ongoing time. The time in our to the airport that I reached the unfortunately a note of rejection. hands, the circumstances that airline check in desk at the eleventh The reason was genuine: “Though support it is like an opportunity and hour, with tons of stress planted in we had plans to carry your piece on most opportunities knock just once, me. However, as the check in New Year celebrations in Sydney which is why we often meet people official suggested me to balance the but we decided to drop it as there who keep denouncing for the excess weight by adding it in the have been reports that the event opportunities they missed. By the handbag, I mistakenly placed my won’t be held this year in the light way, who knows about the future passport in the bag I had to give for of the recent fires in New South and the kind of situations it will check in. Ironically, I learnt about it Wales which caused a lot of damage bring along? when it was already sent to the besides just pollution.” plane but thankfully it was brought The moment I finished reading, I to the boarding gate for me. The went thanking my Canberra based NEVER PUT OFF airline officials raced me towards it friend Preetinder Sandhu who did TILL TOMORROW and once having grabbed it, I was not let me postpone my trip to This reminds me of an uncle of taken back to the immigration desk Australia to this December. Hence I mine. Whenever he listens to any of for departure stamp and I was in Sydney last December, my travel experiences, he never eventually entered the plane-red where we admired being part of forgets to echo the same view of faced. I realised, if I had not that magical fireworks night on his: “I will also see the world, once I postponed my tasks to the last day, December 31 to welcome 2019. Had retire” but I respond as always, I would have not encountered all I postponed to this December as I asking him why not now, adding, this hassle. wanted to, I would have missed the “Will your health favour you then as That’s why a late 14th century world famous New Year it favours now for travel?” I know adage in my oxford dictionary of celebrations of Sydney. Ironically, I he is one of many those who forget proverbs has this one, clearly on the was delaying the trip despite I was to enjoy the ongoing journey of life lines of Kabir: “Never put off till able to materialise the trip last and most importantly valuing the tomorrow, what you can do today.” December itself. Minutes later, I fruitful concept of ‘now or never’! And considering my Zurich Airport thought it was not just me but most Sometimes, it is also our experience, I can’t agree more with of us, who have an eccentric habit lackadaisical attitude that makes us this late 16th century adage that of pushing most of our plans for the throw certain tasks to the future: reads, “Delays are dangerous”. future, forgetting what the famous “not this week but next week” and How true! We

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 79 When You Stop Riding You Get Old Route map from Mahabalipuram to A ride to explore. Kanyakumari By Greema Michael

efore lockdown, I went for a long 671 km ride via East Coast BRd and NH32 on my new bike Avenger 220 cc. Mahabalipuram - Pondicherry - Chidambaram - Nagore – Nagapattinam – Velankanni - Rameshwaram – Kanyakumari . Whenever I read or listen about long motor rides I have always wondered, why do they want to ride their bikes? They could have travelled in a car. Personally I prefer safe and comfortable journey, so I didn’t get the logic behind their craze over motor rides. Why should somebody ride huge bike? Is that a kind of showoff? why do they modify the handle bars, some even remove the damn headlight to make it look like a stunt bike and then these morons try stunting on them on crowded roads. Like any other girl I thought they are doing this to impress somebody. When they add custom seat, new skid-plate, radiator guard, tail rack, windshield, I thought they are trying to make big impression. But my prejudices about them disappeared in a sway, when I myself put me in their shoes. That was a ride to explore the historic road of Pallava Dynasty. ECR is a multi-lane road from Chennai to Kanyakumari. This road runs through the prominent tourist places in Tamil Nadu. One side of the road is the Bay of Bengal and other side some stunning landscapes, wide farm lands, historic structures, temples and museums. Forget the past My first stop was at Mahabalipuram. I have been here more than 4 to 5 times, my maiden visit was with my college classmates during our fresher’s trip. But this time the solo bike ride has given me a really different experience. Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass: it's really about learning how to ride a motor bike. Here you are on your own. You are not protected by two tons of steel, rubber, foam padding and safety glass. Neither are you steering two tons of guided missile toward other cars, people and property. If you are prepared to accept the responsibility of your own actions, then motorcycling can be both safe and thrilling. Riding is an art as well as a craft and no amount of explanation can take the HERE YOU ARE ON place of experience. There you may YOUR OWN. YOU ARE forget the past what always made NOT PROTECTED BY you to over think, or the people in your life who unnecessarily made TWO TONS OF STEEL, your life worse, your family RUBBER, FOAM responsibilities, broken heart, PADDING AND SAFETY unending career struggle, PCOS, ovulation problems, infertility and GLASS. NEITHER ARE the list goes on . YOU STEERING TWO After a 2 hours long ride from TONS OF GUIDED there, I reached to my beloved city Pondicherry. I would say this is the MISSILE TOWARD most beautiful city in India. I lived in OTHER CARS, PEOPLE this place almost 4 years during my AND PROPERTY. PhD time. During those days I thought I will never ever leave this town. But life has taken some major shifts and now here I am as tourist. The erstwhile French colony with its old-world charm attracts many travellers. You can also find your inner spiritual circle in Auroville and the food in Pondy is heavenly. When you ride again south you will pass one another small town called Cuddalore. This was one of the major town of Pallavas, Pennayar River runs north of the town. If you are passing by this town try to visit Silver Beach and the relics of Fort St. David. My next stop was Karaikal this town is famous for their food and temples. Their chicken Dosa is a delectable treat.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 81 From there next place was time there to pay homage to the reach Danushkodi was Nagore which is located around 17 great leader and motivation Dr. APJ unforgettable. Danushkodi is a km south of Karikal, Google has Abdul Kalam at his memorial, later I small secluded “Ghost Town”. taken me to some very remote visited Rameshwaram temple, ride villages of Nagore so I couldn’t visit on the legendary Pamban Bridge to Majestic Indian ocean Nagore Dargah, one of the popular Finally the third day I reached attraction of the place. Kanyakumari where the Bay of Bengal meets the Arabian Sea and Moving ahead with google Indian Ocean. I travelled in March so Next station was it was quite hot in Kanyakumari. Nagapattinam, this town came to From Nagarcoil with in a 20 km ride prominence during the Chola you can reach here, I was quite period and served one of their interested in exploring the famous important port for trade and Vivekanda Rock Memorial but commerce. This town is a base for unfortunately that day tides were pilgrims who visit Velankanni, rough and ferry services weren’t Sikkal temple , ancient port city available. With my phone camera I Kaveri Poompattinam and took so many panoramic images of Kodaikarai Wildlife Sanctuary the majestic Indian Ocean. As you go further towards This trip was full of delightful Kanyakumari, you would pass memories; I have shared only the Rameshwaram. I spent a little best ones. This trip will be the most memorable one in my life, solo ride on a bike has taught me a lot. Four wheels of your car will move the THIS TRIP WAS body but two wheels are able to FULL OF move the soul. I know it’s a DELIGHTFUL common notion for girls to like guys who are tough, the one who rides a MEMORIES; I HAVE motorcycle. What if we couldn’t SHARED ONLY THE find somebody? Even I wished to BEST ONES. THIS date somebody who rides motor bikes, who write poems, who speak TRIP WILL BE THE literature, who is creative, academic MOST MEMORABLE and intelligent. But seriously I ONE IN MY LIFE, couldn’t find anyone like that. For SOLO RIDE ON A the men in my life I was crazy, lunatic, unbalanced, unstable, BIKE HAS TAUGHT disturbed, distracted or somebody ME A LOT. who can’t follow our age old conservative traditional norms and values. But I needed a hero, so that what I have decided to become. I have learnt, the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you can’t do. Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen. Because you only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. The best memories begin with the most insane ideas. PS : I sincerely thank to other commuters who patiently pardoned me when I made a pretty huge traffic block at Karaikal town, NH-32 and Cuddalore suburb. There I really got confused while switching gears. We

82 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 performed during labour if the pains are not I am Pregnant effective, if the baby does not move down the birth canal or the mouth of the uterus does not open. Sometimes there is fetal distress & characterised by increased or decreased foetal A heart and/or passage of greenish coloured fluid Q from the vagina. I such a situation delivery is expedited and a caesarean section is performed AM IN THE EIGHTH MONTH OF MY THIRD PREGNANCY. I WOULD like as soon as possible. Though the blood loss during to get a sterilisation operation done after delivery. Please caesarean is more than in a normal delivery a blood Itell me what is the right method and the right time to get transfusion is rarely required. Chances of infection also such an an operation done and what are the side-effects. I increase after an operative delivery. would also like to know what exactly is done to prevent ● conception. Some people tell me that they take out the HAVE PAIN IN THE CENTRAL LOWER REGION JUST BELOW MY uterus. I would not like that for I am only 32 years old. abdomen in the bone. It has become so severe that I First of all let me enlighten you regarding the procedure. Iam unable to stand on one foot. Please tell me why On both sides of the uterus are tubes called fallopian tubes has it occurred and what should be done about it. that end in finger like processes called fimbria. These hang The joints loosen up during pregnancy to facilitate over the ovaries, which again are present on either side of labour. This causes the problems that you are the uterus and pick up the egg when it comes out of the experiencing. A warm compress can feel really good for ovary, once in a month. The tube carries the egg towards its this odd sore spot. Visit your obstetrician/orthopaedic middle and the sperms swim up to fertilise it in the tube. specialist for treatment if the condition does not improve. These tubes that play sucha vital role in conception are ● occluded during the sterislation operation. The uterus is HAVEANINE-MONTH OLD BABY AND TO MY HORROR I HAVE definitely not removed so rest assured on that account. realised that I am pregnant again. I definitely do not The tubes are either tied and cut in the open method Iwant to continue with this pregnancy but I am afraid of and cauterised or have a tight band fitted over a loop on a surgical procedure and do not want an MTP. I heard both sides during laparoscopic or keyhole surgery. The exact from our local chemist that one can abort the pregnancy method and time varies from individual to individual. If you by taking pills. Should I take the pills from him? Are they have to undergo a caesarean section for any reason the open safe and effective? method is best for it can be done along with the caesarean. You can take pills for an abortion but certainly not from Sterilisation by the open method can also be done a day or the chemist. They are to be taken under proper medical two after normal delivery, the advantage being that you will guidance after you are well versed with the pros and cons. be able to rest and recoup in the same time as it is necessary These pills are effective in about 95 per cent of cases. In for recovery from childbirth and usually people have those that fail, either a live pregnancy continues or some someone to help them around that time. The disadvantage pieces of the products of conception are left behind. In is that it requires longer hospitalisation and a bigger cut. both these situations an ultrasound clinches the diagnosis. Lapaoscopic sterilisation does the entire procedure through You will need the surgical procedure you so wanted to a keyhole but can be be done earliest at least 4-6 weeks avoid, to get rid of the pregnancy or its remnants. In 1 per after delivery when you may or may not be prepared for re- cent of the cases the bleeding can be so excessive that you hospitalisation, even for a few hours. An important point to will need immediate hospitalisation and blood transfusion. remember is that in a small percentage of cases the For these reasons you have to take the pills under medical operation can fail by whatever method it has been done. supervision and remain in constant touch with the doctor. ● ● OULD YOU TELL ME WHY A CAESAREAN SECTION HAS TO BE AM SEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT. THE PROBLEM IS done in some cases? Please give me a broad idea as that I get heart burn that is making life intolerable. Cto how it is done? IPlease tell me what should I do about it? During caesarean birth, a doctor delivers the baby Heartburn, belching, gas etc occur because the through an incision in the mother’s abdomen and uterus growing uterus pushes the stomach upwards and the acid under anesthesia. After the baby and the placenta are from the stomach enters the food pipe leading to a delivered both the incisions are sutures in layers. Some burning sensation in the chest. In order to avoid this cesareans are planned while others are done on an problem take small frequent meals; do not take emergency basis. An operative delivery is planned when oily/spicy/sour foodstuff. Decrease your intake of tea and there are pre-existing conditions like abnormal coffee. Stay upright for at least two hours after meals. presentations (when the baby is not head first), when there Sometimes, a glass of milk with honey helps. If the above is a history of two previous caesareans etc., the pelvis is too simple measures fail, your doctor can recommend some small for the baby to pass through (cephalo-pelvic kind of medication to decrease the herartburn. disproportion). An emergency caesarean is usually – Dr Amrinder Kaur Bajaj, MD.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 83 Divorce: Enemy Does Divorce destroy family life? By Prabhuling Dandin

life) is very important and supreme because this stage is responsible for the growth and development of the world. The Saints, Yogis, Mahatmas, and even demons are the result of this life. Marriage is not only a union of two bodies but soul, also. In general, Marriage is a state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband and a wife in the consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. When it comes to the Hindu religion, marriage is termed as a scared relationship. It joins two individuals for life so that they can pursue dharma i.e. satisfaction of physical urge within the limits of the rules of society. The institution of marriage is a universal institution that exists in every society. However, types of marriage differ from society to society. There are four basic types of marriages like Polygamy, Polyandry, Monogamy, and Group marriage. The latest edition of this is Gay Marriage which is legal in most of the countries in the world (as of early

ndia is a land of sanskar and culture. It has a rich tradition of Imore than 5000 years. It is also known as Mahaguru of the world in many aspects. It is a birthplace for many things in the world, may it be Arts, Science, Education, Maths, Medicine, Yoga, and so on. According to Veda and Upanishadas, the life of a human being is divided into 4 parts among these; Grihasthasharam (Married of Happy Family

2015). Monogamy is the most common form of marriage referring to the union of one man and one woman. Marriages can be either civil or religious. According to ‘Manusmriti’, there are 8 types of Hindu marriages like Brahma Vivah, Daiva Vivah, Arsha, Prajapatya, Gandharva, Asura, Rakshasa, and Panishacha Vivah. There are other few types of marriage like A Symbolic marriage, Fixed-term marriage, Levirate marriage (A man to marry his deceased brother's wife. i.e. Vibhishana got married to Mandodari after the death of Ravana),

MARRIAGE IS A STATE OF BEING UNITED TO A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX AS HUSBAND AND A WIFE IN THE CONSENSUAL AND Sororate marriage (a woman must woman and one man dates from CONTRACTUAL marry the husband of her deceased about 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia. RELATIONSHIP sister). Ghost marriage (if an elder Over the next several hundreds of brother dies without fathering years, marriage evolved into a RECOGNIZED BY LAW. children, one of his younger widespread institution embraced by WHEN IT COMES TO brothers must marry his widow. the ancient Hebrews, Greeks, and THE HINDU RELIGION, Children resulting from the ghost Romans. Marriage of SHIV and MARRIAGE IS marriage are considered the PARVATI is widely described in all offspring of the deceased brother). the Puranas, besides the marriage TERMED AS A SCARED The first recorded evidence of of Lord Ram and Mata Sita as well RELATIONSHIP. marriage ceremonies uniting one as Rukhmini and Sri Krishna. Divorce: The legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body. It is the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. The U.N. records show that the global divorce rate has increased up to 251.8% since 1960. Kerala, Maharashtra, MP, Karnataka, and Haryana are having the highest divorces in India. Divorce of first marriage 42%, second 60%, and third 73%. The average age for divorce is 30 years and divorce 100 per hour. 50% of Present Scenario: There are over 10 million weddings in the country every year estimated to be worth over $ 25bn and second only to the USA and is growing at 30% annually. It is the only industry that hasn't seen a slowdown. Most of the weddings take place between Octobers to December in North India and between Aprils to June in South India. On an average 15000 marriage per day which comes to 10 million in a year. Half of the Gold consumed in India is bought during the wedding season. The cost of marriage differs from class to class. The middle class which is the most common spends somewhat between Rs. 2 to 7 lakhs and the upper-middle-class between DIVORCE CASES ARE total marriages and 30% of first 5 to 20 lakhs. The major expense is marriages are not standing the test of hall rent (Rs. 50000 -5 lakhs) and MINIMUM AMONG of time. food (Rs. 250 --2500 PP). Minimum POOR BECAUSE THEY 2011 Census shows that, 209782 30--40 gms of Gold. Indians don't BELIEVE IN divorces in Maha, 192392 in Guj, mind borrowing money for the 162485 in WB, 101753 in UP and marriage ceremony because; it is ADJUSTMENT. FAMILY 86280 in AP. not only a lifetime event but also a COURTS ARE Citywise, it is Bangalore, Mumbai prestigious one in society! The INCREASING WHICH IS and Kolkata come in order. average age for marriage in India is NOT A GOOD SIGN. Maximum divorces are from the 25 for boys and 20 for girls. couples who are highly qualified Modern marriage is mainly of our values in the family system as with double five-figure salary but divided into Arranged (74%) Love well as the support of elders from within a year of marriage. (20%) and Arranged Love Marriage both the sides during crisis or family Divorce cases are minimum (6%). Indian youth believes in disputes between husband and among poor and semi /illiterate Arranged Marriage i.e. 88% in wife. Celebration of Silver and couples because they believe in Rajasthan, U.P., and Haryana. It is Golden Marriage Anniversary is adjustment and understanding. 59% in Delhi, WB, and T N. (as per common in our country which is Family courts are increasing in the NDTV Report). It is mainly because shocking news for foreigners. country which is not a good sign.

86 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 Why Divorce? ● Richness and financial freedom. ● No personal attachment by ● Lack of socialization. either of the two. Some possible ● Extra Martial Affairs. ● Bringing board-room problems reasons are like: ● Permanent stay of in-laws with to the bedroom. couples. ● Too busy on ● Lack of understanding ● Not interested either in mobile/laptop/chatting/TV at between a couple or more promotion or transfer. home after working hours also. misunderstanding. ● Listening to third parties or ● Lack of adjustment by nature outsiders very often. with either one of them. ● Not taken abroad for ● Lack of trust/suspicious nature. honeymoon. ● Higher education and ● Lack of interest in cooking i.e. job/profession. Parcel-Culture. ● Too much of control/bossism. ● Too many boy/girlfriends. ● Too many expectations from ● Development of each other. superiority/inferiority complex. ● Stubborn, ego, and arrogant ● Sharing salary with family nature. Women Empowerment. members. ● Too much of greed and stingy ● Religious/ Cultural differences in nature. or differences in Career ● Don't care attitude. /personal goals. ● Too sexy/lack of sex/ ● Forced marriage. impotence/porn addiction. ● Problem of communication/with ● Too much spending on parents and or in-laws. shopping. ● Childish behavior and ● Lack of cleanliness or immaturity. unhygienic. ● Lack of or no respect for each ● Bad habits and/ addiction. other. ● Non-Co-Operation for ● Mental illness, insanity, criminal everything. behavior, or dual personality.

Some Possible Solutions: DIVORCE IS NOT A ● Visiting parents of each other or ● Counselling by elders or experts inviting them occasionally if they to both, jointly and/ individually. SOLUTION TO THE are outside/ in a different places. ● Treating each other as human PROBLEM. IS THERE ● Helping families of each other beings and respecting each ANY GUARANTEE THAT financially with mutual consent, if other’s opinion. A NEW HUSBAND/WIFE essential. ● Free and open communication on ● Taking off the word divorce or every matter without any WOULD BE BETTER separation from your mind. reservation. THAN THE EARLIER Divorce is not a solution to the ● Mutual faith and confidence. ONE? SOME PROBLEMS problem. Is there any guarantee ● Joint decisions on important MAYBE WITH THE that a new husband/wife would be matters especially in spending better than the earlier one? Some and investments. HUSBAND/WIFE. problems maybe with the ● Spending quality time together IMPORTANCE SHOULD husband/wife. by taking a break from routine BE GIVEN TO VALUES Importance should be given to work. AND NOT TO Values and not to Valuables. ● Short outings/picnic and long Successful life is, in going together tours. VALUABLES. happily till the last day but not by ● Self-restriction on the use of festivals/marriages of family separating with each other modern electronic gadgets. members of both. immediately. ● Helping each other in household ● Attending social gatherings of Every problem has a solution but activities specially by husband at each other’s office. the seeker should be ready to wait least on Sundays/holidays. ● Understanding physical needs of till the right time. ● Respecting religion of each other each other with love and respect, Happy and long married life to and taking an active part in and acting accordingly. all. We

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 87 Short Story Schnitzels and Pakodas Heather aunty’s young specialities. By Sujaya Nambiar I was five and my e had a childhood more of dream, than it is now. Despite all in which social imagination and our shortcomings we were brother eight when Wmedia and cell fascination rather than happy. we first moved into phones were non-existent. information and I grew up in a housing the colony. Father That is, a childhood in the technology – although we colony, in the middle of the conventional sense. didn’t feel so then our town, where my father and had been Televisions came into our world was much simpler mother worked. My father transferred a year lives only when India held had been in the army on earlier to the city the Asiad back in 1982 There was Deepa from my short commission and was and mother had along with Appu, the first block, two years my senior. then working for a national mascot of the Asian And there was Vijay, from company. My mother too finally managed a Games. This meant that the first block, who was in my brothers class. The other was working for a transfer too. our childhood world was member was Rohit who was government office. Like Deepak’s younger brother. most children of working mothers, we never got food when we were hungry, although we were scot free until it was dark. I was five and my brother eight when we first moved into the colony. Father had been transferred a year earlier to the city and mother had finally managed a transfer too. We lived in one of the 10 blocks of three floors each that the society housed. There were lots of huge trees that shaded the whole area. There was even a children’s park between the first and second blocks, if you could call a slide and a swing, a park. In our gang which we managed to form quite soon, as my brother Govind was quite an organising and dominating type, there were five of us. There was Deepa from my block, two years my senior. And there was Vijay, from the first block, who was in my brothers class. The other member was Rohit who was Deepak’s younger brother. Rohit and I were not actually members but Harry. It was Vijay who told because Rohit had had the working, which meant that in those days elder brothers us about the lineage as audacity to touch his cycle. we had to have some tea and sisters had no choice aunty was his neighbour, Besides we were his from the flask and biscuits, but to tag us along. We the ground floor resident of mother’s guests, almost and satiate the hunger that climbed trees, played hide Block 1. He had overheard every other evening. consumes school children and seek, built up worlds her in conversation with his Heather Aunty’s kitchen in the evening. So, aunt where Govind, Vijay and mother. overlooked the play area in Heather’s kitchen and the Deepa were fighter pilots, Harkishen, or Harry, was the colony, which meant vicinity became the prime and of course Rohit and I all of 12, when he arrived. we had access to quite a lot areas where we hung out in were attenders. Sometimes Harry did look a bit odd. He of smells and odours that the evenings. we played ‘Police and had light eyebrows, and tickled our noses. We learnt She had been to Robbers’. Of course, Rohit light eyes too, both a shade soon that she used to make Germany years back in her and I were the robbers. of light brow, like his hair. childhood, with her mother Deepa was once given the He was quite fair but She had been to once, to visit her role of Vijay’s wife, but somehow the hair around Germany years back grandmother, who she said being the aggressive one seemed not to belong. in her childhood, was a Holocaust survivor. even at that young age she “He's from Germany, She would describe refused. We played and you know,” Vijay said to us, with her mother encounters her played, roaming about the the day after his new once, to visit her grandmother had had with colony, whose walls were neighbours had arrived. grandmother, who Nazi soldiers and how she our only boundaries. And “Oh really?” We were all she said was a had seen them take Jews to we were constantly hungry. quite impressed. It wasn’t the camps. We listened to Working mothers do make often we saw foreigners in Holocaust survivor. these tales in horror. But snacks and store them, but our part of town, and She would describe then she would tone the children of working definitely not so close. encounters her mood down telling us funny mothers never find those “But I heard him speak stories of how her mother sufficient of course. in Hindi”, Deepa said. grandmother had adapted to the Punjabi way “Punjabi... his dad is had with Nazi of life in spite of not nd then one day, in the Punjabi,” Vijay said smugly. soldiers and how knowing a word of the Asecond year of our They were his neighbours, language. I remember her colony life, Heather aunty so he had the privilege. she had seen them telling us how a pandit had came into our lives, an Next day, after school, take Jews to the given her some tulsi and angel bearing a tray of when the gang had camps. We listened she had put it straight into steaming snacks, and tea. gathered in the play area, to these tales in her mouth thinking that it Heather aunty was Punjabi. we saw Harry loitering was to be eaten! Well, her husband was. She about quite listlessly. The horror. was of mixed parentage. men in our gang, that is, pastries and baked biscuits he used to make Her mother had been Govind, Vijay and of course for the bakery in town. Ssomething different German. Her mother had little Rohit too, approached Harry’s father was a figure every evening, most of the been a nurse and a Harkishen, with who we saw only once in a time it was pakodas or volunteer with the Red pleasantries. To their while. At that age we didn’t cutlets, depending on what Cross while her father was a dismay, he looked at them, know that he had a family it was made of, which she Punjabi serving in the a sneer on his lips and a in Bombay, with whom he called schnitzels. I Indian Army. In spite of this face full of scorn, and stayed when he was down remember them as long mixed parentage, Heather turned them off. on holiday from Dubai, pieces of meat or Aunty epitomised the “I don’t play with kids,” which was twice a year. He vegetables fried in batter, maternal Punjabi woman he drove them off. spent only half of his sometimes coated with who loved food and luckily After which they never holidays with Harry and bread crumbs like cutlets or for us loved to feed approached him. But Heather aunty. But those just coated with batter, like everyone too. Harkishan became a part of holidays were marked for pakodas. We didn’t mind as Heather Aunty’s our lives too, as he took on us. Heather aunty did not long as it was food. We husband, who was a pure the role of the society bully, invite us for tea when he would sit at her kitchen blood Punjabi, had been in mostly in our minds was home: we didn’t get to table and she would serve the army too, but he had because, looking back, we eat in her backyard in the these snacks with steaming moved on to the UAE, or to never did have an evenings. Years later, he coffee, and we would eat Dubai, as it was called in encounter with him, except would become too ill to these listening to her tell us those days. They had a son, for one occasion when he visit them at all. what these snacks were. Harkishan, who was called lifted Rohit by his collar All our mothers were Harry never joined us.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 89 Heather aunty would call Harry walking out, with distance. The good thing passed that Heather him repeatedly when, aunty coaxing him to eat was he kept his distance aunty’s husband came sometimes, he would something she had cooked. too. along and packed a come, drink his tea and “Harry doesn’t like all One day, when we came reluctant Harry off to a then go out soon, without this type of food. He likes home from school, we saw boarding school. even giving us a glance. He only Punjabi type. a police jeep inside our “He has fallen into bad was an odd sort, not at all Chapathis and potato sabji compound. They had come company here,” said like his mother. He stopped curries.” We would look at to Heather auntie’s house Heather aunty. bullying the boys after each other, thinking we to question Harry. Harry “Won’t you be alone?” some time but he never were lucky he didn’t, and was studying in class 10 Deepa asked quite befriended them. We never then Deepa would tell then. Some boys he woefully. saw him smile even once to Aunty that her snacks were loitered with during the “Yes, but at least Harry anyone. He was just the so tasty, and that we evenings had broken into a will not get into trouble.” stark opposite to Heather adored them, which we shop the night before and Heather aunty aunty who was ever so honestly did. stolen some things. The continued to feed us her pleasant to everyone. A few years passed. I police had come in the schnitzels and currywursts, had reached the fifth evening after picking up in which she used chicken n the mornings she would standard. And Rohit was in Harry from his school. fry instead of sausages, and Icarry two huge bags of class four. The elders in our While we walked past the spiced up for us. We things she had made to a gang had reached the jeep, we could see aunty coundn’t tell the schnitzels coffee shop and bakery, eighth standard. We were crying but also articulating from vegetable pakodas, down the street, including still a gang. We still played in a way that we but we loved eating and we on Sundays. Not once did together. Deepa was now understood that she was didn’t care whether it was we see Harry help her with the tallest of our gang. explaining to the police German or Indian. her bags. As far as we Harry would still pull that her son was innocent. Heather aunty would knew, or saw, he would Rohit’s nose if he ventured Harry stood in the visit Harry every month and spend all his time with a too close, but he was on doorway, obviously scared, would bring back news of group of older boys that smiling terms with Deepa. with eyes wide open and an how well he was doing and were from the chawls, Deepa felt quite weird expression that made even that it was wise to have across the street. They about Harrys changed us, his “enemies”, pity his sent him there. Harry came would be perched upon the attitude, so she kept her plight. home three months later half wall of the building Thankfully, the police for the summer vacation. opposite the street, didn’t find anything. He did look a little changed: most of the time, or She was explaining to the Someone had told the the normal sneer on his police that her son was playing cricket on the innocent. Harry stood in the police that Harry used to face had disappeared. He grounds outside the doorway, obviously scared, hang around with these even smiled at all of us. government school that with eyes wide open and an boys. We were relieved that And, to top it all, he was was nearby. expression that made even Harry wasn’t a thief after all quite civil to Heather aunty, We knew that Heather us, his “enemies”, pity his and so glad for Heather also very attentive to plight. aunty made these snacks aunty. Not a week had Deepa too. We were too she fed us on, primarily for young to really fathom that Harry, who would not even Harry was attracted to touch them on some days. Deepa but we did notice my Sometimes we would go brother and Vijay make fun into her kitchen, to see of Deepa. To our dismay, Heather aunty announced that she was moving to a town closer to where Harry was studying. His father had refused to let him stay with his mother. So, the next best thing was for her to move to a closer place. “Harry’s dad has decided that we will be moving,” she announced. She was feeding us with doughnuts that were my favourite. She we would go and meet “She isn’t what she seems – called them the German Heather aunty. the girl doesn’t feed me at equivalent, which Google It was a tall apartment all. I haven’t had a morsel of now tells me, is fasnacht, complex, with a small good food for days. Could but at that time they were garden of its own. It you please, get me some just the doughnuts that we reminded us of our little good pakodas at least?” used to see in the Archie park in the housing colony, comics. And less than a although this one was week later, they went off saying better equipped of from our lives. We lived course. After getting there until I was in Class clearance from the ten, when Dad got watchman, after he rang up transferred again and we the flat that we were went to live with Grand friends of Heather aunty, mom again. we arrived at the doorstep to be greeted by a pretty ur gang of five kept in woman who introduced Otouch. Thirty years herself as Harry’s wife. later, Deepa is now a “Harry had told me you successful TV personality. will come to visit,” she Her brother Rohit is a smiled pleasantly, inviting businessman. My brother is us in. a scientist in the US and Right behind her was a Vijay is a teacher. And little boy, who had the talking. She asked about “I am always hungry but yours truly is a writer of same sneer on his face that the boys, and spoke about she gives me some course. Harry had, all those years Harry too. How Harry had porridge, that’s all. How my Deepa called me last ago, making Deepa say… improved on joining stomach aches with week saying she had met “He looks just like boarding school. How he hunger.” Harry at the airport. He was Harry,” she laughed had taken over his dad’s She complained away waiting for the flight to gleefully. business in Dubai. until her daughter-in-law Dubai, where he was There she was – Heather Harry’s wife brought us appeared at the door, after working in a car workshop. aunty lying on a bed, tea and snacks, which which she changed the He no longer had blonde watching TV, quite made us talk about all that topic to our families. eyebrows or hair, and unaware of the guests who Punjabi German food that We said our goodbyes to looked quite good, Deepa had arrived. We looked at aunty used to make those them and, as we hugged said. He said that Heather Harry’s wife, who shrugged days – those hot Schnitzels. her, she whispered, “Next aunty was in Goa, with his her shoulders and said, As we were talking, Harry’s time please bring some wife and son, and gave “She is like this most of the wife excused herself, food that I can eat.” Deepa her address, telling time. She ignores people. saying she had to take her We walked out of the her that that she was And then sometimes, she son for drawing classes. flat both of us thoughtful. mostly bedridden and talks of old days and gets Right after she had left, Deepa asked, “Do you think didn’t look at all like before. upset. She doesn’t like me Heather aunty, looking at it is true?” She suffered from some much, but she adores her the front door, making sure “What?” I asked. sort of disease that had son and grandson too.” that her daughter-in- law “That they aren’t affected her colon, he had We went and sat next to had left, said in a low voice, feeding her because she is said. her, called her, and Deepa “She isn’t what she seems – bedridden and can’t go to “Mom thinks I run a lightly touched her the girl doesn’t feed me at the toilet by herself.” business and that I am a shoulder. Heather aunty all. I haven’t had a morsel of “Of course not, Harry’s successful businessman. shook Deep’s hand, as a good food for days. Could wife looks quite decent. Don’t tell her I said that I reflex, but then looked at you please, get me some Besides, Harry said she work in a workshop,” he both of us. good pakodas at least?” suffered from some colon asked Deepa. He also “Who are you?” She complained that her disease didn’t she? That admitted he had a crush on I spoke to her, telling her daughter-in-law thought means her diet must be her in the old days, at which who we were. The mention that she would relieve restricted. Don’t you think they had both laughed. At of the colony brought a herself in bed without so?” the end of my conversation bright spark of recognition going to the toilet, which is Deepa wasn’t with Deepa, we decided in her eyes. We helped her why she would not feed convinced. Both of us that the following weekend sit up, and then she began her. weren’t, really. We

Woman’s Era ● Decedmber 2020 91 The Indian Daily Soaps Why Indian Daily Soaps Have Had Their Chips. By Enakshi J

he present age is the age of loss/ degradation of content. If you technology. Within a span of a might argue saying that one can Tfew clicks, anything can go hold on to the cable connection for viral and the whole world can get to the sake of cartoon shows and know about it. Do you remember movies, I would counter by offering how Kokila Ben’s rap song went viral you OTT subscriptions. Not only do suddenly? Ironically, the characters these streaming platforms provide were stalked more compared to an embarrassment of riches but also when their show was on-air. But the provide a high-quality viewing 0trend of daily soaps seems to be experience. Plus, there is not lacking lustre now. Gone are the just one platform; there are times when substantial content was so many! Here are a few telecast on the television. points why the Indian Now, most families are daily soaps are not the getting rid of their cable first choice any connection because of the more: Too Much Drama- minds to decipher the Unrealistic Plots metaphorical references and With time, even people have mythological connections. evolved. A voice in the wilderness is With evolution, man has also no longer unheard. Therefore, started looking forward to people are learning to take a stand more challenges. Hence, for themselves and are striving to anything challenging is more become more independent. Hence, impactful! the focus on self-improvement leaves behind no time to waste. Lack of Veracity This is unlike what is shown in the One of the chief reasons saas-bahu shows that are telecast why people have distanced even now. Nobody has the time nor themselves from daily soaps is the energy to witness impractical the lack of veracity or truthfulness. premise of the show do not squabbles, scheming and rebirths! The events that form the part of the conform with reality. Hence, it People are becoming open-minded becomes very difficult to establish a and they now prefer watching THE WEB SERIES THAT connection or association with content that is not only realistic but what’s happening on the screen. On also fast-paced. Knowing that time ARE NOW STREAMING the contrary, the web series present is money, people are wiser and ON THE NEW thematic content that often more intelligent in making the right PLATFORMS ARE WELL- highlights the current plight of the choices and investing their hard- SOUGHT, PROPERLY individuals where problems are earned money in the right things! many but the drama is ‘swaad PLANNED, AND SHORT anusar’ (according to taste). Shows Lack of Purpose, Passion and AND HAVE A PURPOSE. like Out of Love, Bard of Blood, Empathy SOME OF THEM ARE SO Family Man, Breathe are far more A good show is one that has appropriate than the shows like been made with a purpose and with GOOD THAT THEY TEST Behadd, Nazar, Naagin and Diya Aur passion. A concocted story that THE BRAIN CELLS OF Bati Hum because of the doesn’t fit the bill or does it THE VIEWERS AND authenticity of the content in the influence/inspire the audience is former and the lack of coherence in definitely going to be disliked. The URGE THE MINDS TO the latter. web series that are now streaming DECIPHER THE on the new platforms are well- METAPHORICAL Avoiding Dynamic Writing sought, properly planned, and short REFERENCES AND The writers of Indian Daily Soaps and have a purpose. Some of them often decide the storyline at the are so good that they test the brain MYTHOLOGICAL spur of the moment. When the TRPs cells of the viewers and urge the CONNECTIONS. fall, they either introduce a new

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 93 our IQ. They are all brawn and no reference to anti-fascists during the brain, aren’t they? WWII and iconography of their own, the Indian serials lacks this No Use of Symbology completely. They do not have It is always healthy to use symbols at all. What they do have symbology or the use of symbols. are ornate sets and adorned Like how Money Heist had red as characters that even sleep in their the symbol of fear, rebellion and flashy clothes. The money is spent anger; the song Bella Ciao as a on arranging for vibrant clothes and not on cinematography. Therefore, the lacklustre presentation ends up being a no match for the web shows! All said and done, it wouldn’t twist or a new character to spike take rocket science for anyone to the interest of the audience. figure out the loopholes in the Whether the event or character storyline of the serials. The point to enhances the storyline, they do note here is that even though there not care. Unlike this, the writers are so many flaws in the daily soaps, of good web series change the a certain section of the society plot according to the refuses to accept change. They requirement of the storyline. encourage the release of sequels Their motive is not only to spike the like Saath Nibhana Saathiya 2 and ALL SAID AND DONE, IT Naagin 2! With one-dimensional interest but to also make the WOULDN’T TAKE storyline foolproof and flawless. characters and unfathomable This also gives the writers creative ROCKET SCIENCE FOR situations, these serials are toxic freedom and healthy space where ANYONE TO FIGURE because they, in no way, force our they can put on their thinking caps OUT THE LOOPHOLES mind to burn the fuel! Instead, the and produce something really mind becomes lazy because of the interesting and meaningful. IN THE STORYLINE OF shoddy content that these shows THE SERIALS. THE present. Lack of Unpredictability Indian Soap Operas have blotted POINT TO NOTE HERE IS their copybook by focussing more The Indian Soap Operas lack THAT EVEN THOUGH unpredictability. Sadly, in those on the outcome rather than paying shows, nothing can work without a THERE ARE SO MANY heed on improving the content. spoonful of ‘masala’ and ‘gossip’. Don’t we miss the quiz shows, FLAWS IN THE DAILY Swami’s adventures and Sanju’s There are vamps, there are other SOAPS, A CERTAIN species, and there are rebirths, magic pencil? Unlike earlier, now disappearances, songs and what SECTION OF THE the parents think twice before not! All these things are SOCIETY REFUSES TO handing over the remote to their predictable. There are no ACCEPT CHANGE. children as they are afraid that the unprecedented deaths nor children will only imbibe the values do the writers believe in like belligerence, bone-idleness, leaving the ending on a deceit, materialism and ill-will. cliffhanger. These The sitcoms only misguide public daily soaps do not when they depict lack of possess the communication among the family calibre of members. For them, real challenging relationships are worthless. Television, once believed to be the means to educate masses, has now truly become an Idiot Box because we clearly don’t see the former happening in our country. This line by Fred Friendl does justice to all the aforementioned points: ‘Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.’We

94 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 inverted U shaped pillow under the baby’s head Child Challenges to keep it straight, lest it gets misshapen if turned to one side. This is not advisable as babies tend to throw up every now and then an & as they have no cough reflex, curdled milk or A fluids can enter the wind pipe with tragic results. Q If you are worried about the shape of your baby’s head, alternate the position of his head from HAVE A SIX YEARS OLD DAUGHTER WHO IS A CHATTERBOX. THOUGH night to night (first right, then left). This will prevent the I like to hear her prattle most of the times, I get irritated development of a flat, bald spot on one side of the head. Iwhen she disturbs me during my household chores and ● shoo her away. Please tell me how to deal with her without WHAT IS SWADDLING? HOW IS IT DONE AND HOW DOES IT HELP THE hurting her feelings. BABY? A child that asks questions learns faster and better than Swaddling is soothing technique that gives the newborn her counterparts who don’t. Though it is difficult with your a sense of security, comfort and warmth. Spread a blanket other responsibilities, try to be patient with her and answer and fold one corner over slightly. Lay the baby face-up on her queries to the best of your ability. Her curiosity will be the blanket with his head on the folded corner. Wrap the satisfied and her knowledge increased in this manner. In a left corner over the baby’s body and tuck it underneath. few years she will outgrow her dependence on you and will Bring the bottom corner up over the baby's feet. Wrap the soon be chattering with her friends on phone of chat with right corner around the baby, leaving only the neck and them on social media ignoring you. It will be your turn to head exposed. be hurt so enjoy her chirping while it lasts. ● HAVE A THREE MONTHS OLD BABY. HE HAS YELLOWISh Y BABY HAS DEVELOPED CRUSTY FLAKES ON HIS SCALP discharge from his eyes that make his eyelashes stick in despite the fact that I bathe him every day. Ithe morning. Please tell me what to do? MPlease tell me why this has occurred and how can it Yellowish sticky discharge means that your baby has be cured. eye infection. Wipe the eyes clean with sterile cotton The crusty flakes that some babies have on their head, dipped in boiled water. If you have been putting kajal in is called cradle cap. Seborrhric dermatitis, as it is labelled in his eyes stop the practice immediately for it worsens the medical parlance, is a form of dandruff common in infants. condition. Eye drops may be required to clear the infection, The greasy surface scales on the scalp respond to an oil so visit a pediatrician. massage followed by a thorough shampoo that removes ● the crust along with the oil. In case the flaking is heavy WHEN MY BABY CRIES HOW WILL I KNOW IF IT IS DUE TO HUNGER OR and there are brownish patches or yellowish crustiness, a PAIN OR SOME OTHER REASON? visit to the doctor is warranted. Since the condition The only way a small baby can communicate is by crying. worsens with sweating make sure to keep your baby’s head He cries when he is hungry, wet, hot, cold or when he is cool. Avoid covering his head unless absolutely necessary. experiencing discomfort due to nasal block. He cries when Occasionally cradle cap may persist throughout the first his nappy is wet/dirty or he is in pain due to wind. Mothers year but as the condition causes no problems and is only tend to think that the baby has wind when his abdomen cosmetically unappealing. Do not try to remove it forcibily. appears hard and bloated due to prolonged crying. The ● distension is due to the air he has swallowed while crying HAVE A ONE MONTH OLD SON. HE HAS WATERY DISCHARGE and not due to colic. Babies also cry if they are from his right eye. Please tell me what could be the uncomfortable, tired, lonely or simply bored and need Icause and what should be done to cure it? company! Some babies don’t like to get undressed and cry. A small tube connects the eyes to the nose to allow the At times they are over-stimulated and become cranky. flow of excess tears into the nose. At times this tiny duct is It is normal for a baby to cry while passing stools and blocked leading to a watery discharge. You will be asked to there is nothing wrong with him. Some babies have evening massage the duct downwards from the inner corner of the colic which results in uncontrollable bouts of crying in the eye along the lateral aspect of the nose. If this does not help, evening and all soothing methods fail. Though the colic has your baby will need a minor operation to open the blockade. no long term effects and usually disappears by 3 months, it ● can be quite unnerving for the new mother. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT PRECAUTIONS SHOULD I TAKE WHILE PUTTING – Dr Amrinder Bajaj, MD. MY BABY TO SLEEP? It's important to place babies on their backs to sleep to Readers are invited to send their problems of child care and reduce the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). Do child rearing. WOMAN’S ERA will provide the answers, not leave bibs, clothes with ties on the cot lest the baby solutions to problems usually encountered by mothers, young gets entangled in them. Stuffed animals, pillows etc. can and old. Address your letters (neatly written on white paper) to: WOMAN’S ERA lead to suffocation. A lot of people tend to keep an E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 95 CDC Expands List of Those with Higher COVID-19 Risks: What to Know Dos and donʼt for during covid-19. By A. Kartikeyan

he Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Thas updated its list of underlying conditions that may lead to more severe outcomes from a COVID-19 diagnosis. The agency is warning that people with type 2 diabetes, kidney disease, COPD, whole organ transplants, obesity, sickle cell disease, and women who are pregnant could experience more severe outcomes if they contract COVID-19. The updated guidelines also remove 65 as the age when more severe outcomes may occur. Instead, it is suggesting as people age, the chance of severe outcomes increases. Here’s a look at some of the underlying conditions added to the CDC list. Pregnancy: “Pregnancy is a distance, and isolate when needed COVID-19],” said Dr. Joshua Miller, situation with all kinds of hormonal is still the key, along with not the medical director of diabetes changes in the mix,” said Dr. Alan missing any medical appointments. care for Stony Brook Medicine and Fishman, medical director for “Clearly these types of an assistant professor of Obstetrix Medical Group in San modifications are going to be with endocrinology and metabolism at Jose, California, and board certified us for a long time,” he said. the facility’s New York Campus. in obstetrics and gynecology and However, there is research that maternal-fetal medicine. Diabetes: There’s been some concludes people with diabetes can “Pregnancy is a stress on a healthy confusion around COVID-19 in the develop more serious cases of woman’s body.” diabetes community. First, there’s COVID-19. That’s why, he said, a pregnant no evidence yet that people with “What we are absolutely seeing woman who contracts COVID-19 diabetes are more likely to contract are that people who carry a may face more severe outcomes. “It the novel coronavirus. comorbidity struggle more when appears that pregnant women [who “The CDC has not come out and they contract this,” Miller told. contract COVID-19] are 5.5 times said that type 1 or type 2 diabetes Figuring out what is going on with more likely to be hospitalized than a makes you more susceptible [to those with diabetes who contract non-pregnant woman,” Fishman told. “That’s pretty significant.” “There is zero evidence that women who are pregnant are more likely to get COVID-19,” he added. But the risks mean his office is carefully counseling those considering pregnancy. “I counsel them to think about this information and how it sits with them,” he said. “They have to remember that it is not a good idea to skip a medical appointment or

THERE’S BEEN SOME COVID-19 is a challenge for healthcare providers. “It’s CONFUSION AROUND challenging looking at the numbers COVID-19 IN THE and statistics because the way in DIABETES COMMUNITY. which we [track diabetes] in the FIRST, THERE’S NO medical world is a challenge,” Miller said. EVIDENCE YET THAT Right now, the CDC has listed PEOPLE WITH DIABETES people with type 2 diabetes as being ARE MORE LIKELY TO “at increased risk” of more severe outcomes if they contract COVID-19, CONTRACT THE NOVEL and people with type 1 diabetes as space them out more.” CORONAVIRUS. “might be at an increased risk.” While some pregnancy FIGURING OUT WHAT IS Miller, who has had type 1 appointments can be done virtually, diabetes for 21 years, knows one many must be done in person. GOING ON WITH THOSE thing for sure. “When [a person WITH DIABETES WHO with diabetes] is in the hospital for So, what should a pregnant CONTRACT COVID-19 IS this, their insulin needs go way up,” woman do? A CHALLENGE FOR he said. Even those with type 2 “Common sense still holds,” diabetes who take medication may Fishman said. Wear a mask, wash HEALTHCARE need injected insulin during your hands, keep a physical PROVIDERS. treatment, he added.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 97 His advice for those with any Strategy.” Caplan says that when What should older people do? kind of diabetes? you consider that 60 percent of “Older people should not neglect “The big lesson we are learning Americans have some kind of seeing their healthcare providers, here is simply this,” he said. “The underlying health condition, that 40 now more than ever,” Caplan said. healthier our patients are, the percent of adults are obese, and “And get your vaccinations [for] flu better they do with COVID-19. Focus that many aging Americans have and whatever else you need.” The in earnest more than ever on your heart health issues, it just makes older population should also be health. Across the board, the best sense that as a person ages, a careful about self-isolating when outcomes come from this.” “While COVID-19 battle gets more there is community spread, but they the area you live in has confirmed challenging. should do so with support. community spread, your risk is “Suicide among older people is a higher than not,” he added. “Stay at non-talked about thing, but it is a home if you can. And always, wear “PEOPLE IN THEIR 50S thing,” Caplan said. “You lose a the mask, wash your hands, keep ARE AT HIGHER RISK spouse, a friend or friends and all of that distance. Be smart, be safe.” FOR SEVERE ILLNESS a sudden you are alone, and then this virus comes along. It can be The aging population: The CDC THAN PEOPLE IN THEIR overwhelming.” He suggests for has moved away from a specific age 40S. SIMILARLY, those who must isolate making a cutoff for heightened concern to a PEOPLE IN THEIR 60S small trusted bubble of friends or more general statement on aging. OR 70S ARE, IN family who visit and check on you. The CDC now says, “People in their He also repeats the suggestions 50s are at higher risk for severe GENERAL, AT HIGHER to wear masks, maintain distancing, illness than people in their 40s. RISK FOR SEVERE and wash hands. Similarly, people in their 60s or 70s ILLNESS THAN PEOPLE are, in general, at higher risk for What’s next severe illness than people in their IN THEIR 50S. THE Expect additions, subtractions, 50s. The greatest risk for severe GREATEST RISK FOR and other changes to this list as the illness from COVID-19 is among SEVERE ILLNESS FROM pandemic continues, experts say. those aged 85 or older. That, say “It’s a fascinating virus,” Dr. Mary aging experts, is an important COVID-19 IS AMONG Dale Peterson, MSHCA, FACHE, change. THOSE AGED 85 OR FASA, president of the American I have to give credit to the CDC OLDER. THAT, SAY Society of Anesthesiologists. “It has for really clarifying that,” Dr. Ronald a propensity to attack organs, but Caplan, author of “The Care of the AGING EXPERTS, IS AN we are still very much learning as Older Person” and “Long Life IMPORTANT CHANGE. we go along.” Some of what medical professionals are seeing makes historic sense, she added, such as people with obesity having more difficulty recovering and pregnancy taxing the heart and lungs. As one who sees the impact of comorbidity on COVID-19 recovery first hand, Peterson has suggestions. “The way I look at it is this: We all have our own set of risk factors,” she said. “So, look at what are in your spheres of control.” “I can make sure I take care of my chronic disease. I can eat a good diet. I can get up and actually not be a couch potato as tempting as it is to be one right now,” she explained. “Physical activity is actually a treatment we use in the hospital on COVID-19 patients,” she added. “Double down on your healthy habits. It will only help.” We

98 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 patients present with history of floaters (black Your Body spots floating in front of eyes). Some patients may come with defective vision due to associated cystoid macular oedema. & The eye is usually quite. Slit lamp examination A may show mild aqueous flare and fine keratic Q precipitates at the back of Cornea. Anterior Vitreous may show cells. Fundus examination with Y DAUGHTER IS ABOUT TEN YEARS OLD, SINCE LAST SIX indirect ophthalmoscope reveals the whitish exudates months she developed pain and swelling on the present near the ora-seratta in the inferior quadrant. Mmid of her left thigh which is increasing day by day. These typical exudates are referred as snow ball opacities. We have consulted a doctor for this problem. After These may coalese to form a grey white plaque called examination and investigations, he told us that she is snow banking. Complications of long standing pars suffering from Ewing's tumour and adviced amputation planitis include cystoid macular oedema, complicated (removal of the part) and radiotherapy along with chemo- cataract and tractional retinal detachment. Treatment therapy. I want to know about the disease in detail. consists of corticosteroids administered systemically and Ewing's tumour (endothelial sarcoma of bone) is an as repeated periocular injections may be effective in uncommon but highly malignant (cancerous) sarcoma that some cases. Immuno suppressive drugs may be helpful arises in bone marrow. The tumour is commonest in the in steroid resistant cases. Peripheral cryotherapy is also shaft of the femur, tibia or humerus. It probably develops reported to be effective. from endothelial elements within the bone marrow. The ● tumour tissue is soft and vascular. As it expands it AM A 35 YRS OLD WORKING WOMAN AND HAVE A HISTORY of gradually destroys the bone substance. The tumour recurrent (Habitual) abortion. I have consulted a lady metastasises (expands) early through the blood stream, Idoctor for this problem. She advised me preconception especially to the lungs and sometimes to other bones. therapy. I want to know about the preconception therapy Children are the usual victims, Typically, there are local in detail. pain and swelling over one of the long bones, usually about Preconception therapy is aimed at detection of maternal the middle of the shaft. On examination the swelling is or paternal defects that may contribute to abortion. A diffuse or fusiform and of firm consistence. thorough general and gynecologic examination is essential. The overlying skin is warmer than normal owing to the Polycystic ovaries should be ruled out. A random blood vascularity of the tumour. Radiographs show destruction of glucose test and thyroid function studies (including thyroid bone substance and concentric layers of subperiosteal new antibodies) should be done. Detection of lupus bone (onion peel appearance). Radioisotope bone scanning anticoagulant and other hemostatic abnormalities and an shows markedly increased uptake of the isotope in the antinuclear antibody test may be indicated. Endometrial region of the tumour. A chest radiograph may show tissue should be examined in the postovulation stage of pulmonary metastases. Biopsy should be undertaken when the cycle to determine the adequacy of the response of the tumour is suspected. The tumour is nearly always fatal the endometrial to hormones. The competency of the (deadly) usually from pulmonary metastases. The choice of cervix must be determined and hysteroscopy or treatment lies between amputation (removal of part) and hysterography used to exclude submucous myomas and radiotherapy, either method may be supplemented by congenital anomalies. Chromosomal (Karyotype) analysis chemotherapy. of both partners rules out balanced translocation (found ● in five percent of infertile couples). Studies have focused on Y DAUGHTER IS ABOUT 18 YRS OLD COLLEGE GOING GIRL, the major histocompatibility complex of chromosome 6, since last six to eight months she is complaining which carries HLA loci and other genes that may influence Mof floating black spots in front of eyes and now reproductive success. Some women demonstrate a lack of since last two to three months, she is complaining of maternal antibody response to paternal lymphocytes, defective vision. We have consulted an eye surgeon for which is customarily found in normal women after this problem, after examination he told us that she is successful childbearing. However, several randomized suffering from intermediate uveitis (Pars planitis) and controlled trials have found no benefit of IGIV therapy for advised treatment. I want to know about the symptoms, recurrent spontaneous abortion. investigations, treatment and complications of the – Dr Sanjay Teotia. diseases. Readers are invited to send in any health and medical Intermediate uveitis (Pars planitis) denotes queries they would like to be answered. Woman’s Era will inflammation of pars plana part of ciliary body and most provide answers to your questions and offer solutions to peripheral part of the retina. It is an idiopathic disease your problems. Individual replies cannot be sent. Address usually affecting both eyes (80 percent) of children and your letters (neatly written on white paper) to: young adults. Pars planitis is a rather common entity, WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055. constituting 8 percent of uveitis patients. Most of the Womansera.com

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 99 Don’t Wait: Reach Out Coping up with suicidal thoughts. By A. Kartikeyan

f you’re feeling suicidal, you may be afraid you’ll be judged or that Ino one will understand. If you’re worried about someone else, you may fear that you’ll say the wrong thing. But talking openly can save a life. Don’t wait: reach out. Even though your pain may seem overwhelming and permanent at the moment, there are ways to deal with suicidal thoughts and feelings and overcome the pain. Some of the finest, most admired, needed, and talented people have been where you are now. Many of us have thought about taking our own lives when we’ve felt overwhelmed by depression and devoid of all hope. But the pain of depression can be treated and hope can be renewed. No matter what your situation, there are people who need you, places where you can make a difference, and experiences that can remind you that life is worth living. It takes real courage to face death and step back from the brink. You can use that courage to face life, to learn coping skills for overcoming depression, and for finding the strength to keep going. Remember: ❉ Your emotions are not fixed – MANY KINDS OF EMOTIONAL PAIN CAN LEAD they are constantly changing. How you feel today may not be the same TO THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE. THE REASONS as how you felt yesterday or how FOR THIS PAIN ARE UNIQUE TO you’ll feel tomorrow or next week. EACH ONE OF US, AND THE ABILITY TO COPE ❉ Your absence would create grief and anguish in the lives of WITH THE PAIN DIFFERS FROM PERSON TO friends and loved ones. PERSON. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. ❉ There are many things you can still accomplish in your life. ❉ There are sights, sounds, and experiences in life that have the ability to delight and lift you – and that you would miss. ❉ Your ability to experience pleasurable emotions is equal to your ability to experience distressing emotions. Why do Anyone feel suicidal? Many kinds of emotional pain can lead to thoughts of suicide. The reasons for this pain are unique to each one of us, and the ability to cope with the pain differs from person to person. We are all different. There are, however, some common causes that may lead us to experience suicidal thoughts and feelings. ❉ Why suicide can seem like the only option ❉ If you are unable to think of solutions other than suicide, it is not Steps To Recovery that other solutions don’t exist, but rather that you are currently unable 5 to see them. The intense emotional ● Identify triggers or more you have to lose—which pain that you’re experiencing right situations that lead to feelings of will help you stay positive and on now can distort your thinking so it despair or generate suicidal the recovery track. becomes harder to see possible thoughts, such as an anniversary ● Develop new activities and solutions to problems, or to of a loss, alcohol, or stress from interests. Find new hobbies, connect with those who can offer relationships. Find ways to avoid volunteer activities, or work that support. Therapists, counselors, these places, people, or gives you a sense of meaning and friends or loved ones can help you situations. purpose. When you’re doing to see solutions that otherwise may ● Take care of yourself. Eat things you find fulfilling, you’ll not be apparent to you. Give them a right, don’t skip meals, and get feel better about yourself and chance to help. plenty of sleep. Exercise is also feelings of despair are less likely ❉ A suicidal crisis is almost key: it releases endorphins, to return. always temporary relieves stress, and promotes ● Learn to deal with stress in a ❉ Although it might seem as if emotional well-being. healthy way. Find healthy ways to your pain and unhappiness will ● Build your support network. keep your stress levels in check, never end, it is important to realize Surround yourself with positive including exercising, meditating, that crises are usually temporary. influences and people who make using sensory strategies to relax, Solutions are often found, feelings you feel good about yourself. The practicing simple breathing change, unexpected positive events more you’re invested in other exercises, and challenging self- occur. Remember: suicide is a people and your community, the defeating thoughts. permanent solution to a temporary problem. Give yourself the time

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 101 necessary for things to change and If You Have Suicidal Thoughts goals. You may have always wanted the pain to subside. and Feelings, Things to do: to travel to a particular place, read a ❉ Even problems that seem ❉ Talk with someone every day, specific book, own a pet, move to hopeless have solutions preferably face to face. Though you another place, learn a new hobby, ❉ Mental health conditions such feel like withdrawing, ask trusted volunteer, go back to school, or as depression, schizophrenia, and friends and acquaintances to spend start a family. Write your personal bipolar disorder are all treatable time with you. Or continue to call a goals down. with changes in lifestyle, therapy, crisis helpline and talk about your and medication. Most people who feelings. Things to avoid: seek help can improve their ❉ Make a safety plan. Develop a ❉ Being alone. Solitude can make situation and recover. Even if you set of steps that you can follow suicidal thoughts even worse. Visit a have received treatment for a during a suicidal crisis. It should friend, or family member, or pick up disorder before, or if you’ve already include contact numbers for your the phone and call a crisis helpline. made attempts to solve your doctor or therapist, as well as ❉ Alcohol and drugs. Drugs and problems, know that it’s often friends and family members who alcohol can increase depression, necessary to try different will help in an emergency. hamper your problem-solving approaches before finding the right ❉ Make a written schedule for ability, and can make you act solution or combination of yourself every day and stick to it, no impulsively. solutions. When medication is matter what. Keep a regular routine ❉ Doing things that make you prescribed, for example, finding the feel worse. Listening to sad music, right dosage often requires an looking at certain photographs, ongoing process of adjustment. DON’T GIVE UP BEFORE reading old letters, or visiting a Don’t give up before you’ve found YOU’VE FOUND THE loved one’s grave can all increase the solution that works for you. SOLUTION THAT negative feelings. Virtually all problems can be treated ❉ Thinking about suicide and or resolved. WORKS FOR YOU. other negative thoughts. Try not to VIRTUALLY ALL become preoccupied with suicidal How to cope with suicidal PROBLEMS CAN BE thoughts as this can make them thoughts TREATED OR even stronger. Don’t think and Remember that while it may rethink negative thoughts. Find a seem as if these suicidal thoughts RESOLVED. REMEMBER distraction. Giving yourself a break and feelings will never end, this is THAT WHILE IT MAY from suicidal thoughts can help, never a permanent condition. You SEEM AS IF THESE even if it’s for a short time. WILL feel better again. In the ❉ Recovering from suicidal meantime, there are some ways to SUICIDAL THOUGHTS thoughts help cope with your suicidal AND FEELINGS WILL ❉ Even if your suicidal thoughts thoughts and feelings. NEVER END, THIS IS and feelings have subsided, get help for yourself. Experiencing that sort NEVER A PERMANENT of emotional pain is itself a CONDITION. YOU WILL traumatizing experience. Finding a FEEL BETTER AGAIN. support group or therapist can be very helpful in decreasing the as much as possible, even when chances that you will feel suicidal your feelings seem out of control. again in the future. You can get help ❉ Get out in the sun or into and referrals from your doctor. nature for at least 30 minutes a day. No matter how much pain you’re ❉ Exercise as vigorously as is safe experiencing right now, you’re not for you. To get the most benefit, alone. Many of us have had suicidal aim for 30 minutes of exercise per thoughts at some point in our lives. day. But you can start small. Three Feeling suicidal is not a character 10-minute bursts of activity can have defect, and it doesn’t mean that you a positive effect on mood. are crazy, or weak, or flawed. ❉ Make time for things that bring It only means that you have more you joy. Even if very few things pain than you can cope with right bring you pleasure at the moment, now. But with time and support, force yourself to do the things you you can overcome your problems used to enjoy. and the pain and suicidal feelings ❉ Remember your personal will pass. We

Short Story Narrowing Differences

Thanks to facebook. By Ritu Khurana

Best friend and now hree years ago physical distance were friend’ button. With a small a stranger. The Facebook greater or the passage of prayer she quietly put down Tinnocuously showed filial love had widened who the phone lest she awaken miles of physical a picture of Trupti Sharma could fathom. her husband who would distance were as ‘People You May Know’. With quivering fingers question why her early greater or the Tumbling out of bed at 5 Mamta pressed the ‘add morning sojourns with the a.m. Mamta gingerly held mobile were becoming so passage of filial the mobile with one hand frequent. love had widened while rubbing her eyes Mamta gingerly held the The whole day was who could fathom. with the other. Was it the mobile with one hand while spent in a flurry of chores leftovers of sleep or plain rubbing her eyes with the and conversations seemed With quivering disbelief? to dwell on the vortex of fingers Mamta other. Was it the leftovers of Best friend and now a sleep or plain disbelief? only one thought. When pressed the ‘add stranger. The miles of would it be morning in friend’ button. America? Would Trupti respond? Tiny smiles wandered around Mamta’s lips as she recalled those wonderful sunshine years of growing up together. Books, secrets, aspirations and her own sudden shift A muffled sob escaped wrapped into a deep bond to an unknown land was Mamta as she lowered where social milieus had something young Trupti herself across a large not mattered. Trupti loved Then on Mamta’s birthday, had not been able to expansive cushion which the loving hospitality of Trupti with a birthday handle, leaving even her she otherwise would not Mamta’s mother in their emoji sent a message. best friend clueless. have allowed her son to opulent house whereas As the heat of the day Mamta yearned to hear Trupti’s father, a poor schoolteacher bicycling his way home and reading to them stories like O’Henry’s

crumple. A single sob accumulated into a sobs of pearls, lustrous heirloom of Gift of the Magi, Tess of the around the historic city of A friendship so memories. But heirlooms D’Urbervilles which had the Delhi. They wanted her to are not thrown away. A girls copiously weeping go with them to complete precious could not friendship so precious could tears of joy and sadness. her higher education in a be tarnished for not be tarnished for lack of reputed university. They lack of effort. effort. ery often, both the say Delhi is a city which Mamta zealously Mamta zealously sent a Vgirls would quietly sit changes fortunes, well, it smiley or some on the stairs when Mamta’s certainly changed hers. She sent a smiley or appreciative words in every uncle held a party soon flew to America and, some appreciative post updated by Trupti surreptitiously listening to to Mamta, the continents words in every post photographing her the music spell bound. loomed large and distant. American husband or her Long after the guests had As if that was not updated by Trupti children. Soon Trupti departed they would sneak sudden enough for Mamta, photographing her responded with a few likes into the drawing room, she heard that Trupti’s American husband and occasional greetings. gulp down lime cordial brother had got married in Egged on, Mamta prayed imagining it to be the most a small ceremony at home or her children. and continued during the potent drink in the world without her being lowered with a light three years to care and and in unison waltz around informed. It was only summery breeze, Mamta shower affection as much the room. through sources that noticed a neon signal in her as she could without going Living inseparably and Mamta came to know later mobile phone. overboard. Then on then suddenly so apart? that Trupti’s mother had With bated breath, she Mamta’s birthday, Trupti Trupti was adopted by been diagnosed in the grabbed her phone, a hope with a birthday emoji sent a an American billionaire fourth stage of cancer. against hope. Trupti had message. ‘Waiting to come couple who were impressed In retrospect Mamta felt accepted her friend request to India and meet you. The by her charming that the shock of the news but had also messaged her- rivers may flow down personality as she escorted of the illness and her ‘Mamta, too much water but bridges stand to them as a tour guide mother’s subsequent death has flown, let things go.’ connect’. We

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 105 Exercise and Ageing Benefits of exercise for older adults And Myths related to it. By Shantanu Chouhan

here are many reasons why independence, protect your heart, obesity, heart disease, we tend to slow down and and manage symptoms of illness or osteoporosis, and certain cancers. Tbecome more sedentary with pain as well as your weight. Regular Enhances mobility, flexibility, and age. It may be due to health exercise is also good for your mind, balance. Exercise improves your problems, weight or pain issues, or mood, and memory. strength, flexibility and posture, worries about falling. Or perhaps which in turn will help with balance, you think that exercising simply Physical health benefits coordination, and reducing the risk isn’t for you. But as you grow older, Helps you maintain or lose of falls. Strength training also helps an active lifestyle becomes more weight. As metabolism naturally alleviate the symptoms of chronic important than ever to your health. slows with age, maintaining a conditions such as arthritis. A recent Swedish study found healthy weight is a challenge. that physical activity was the Exercise helps increase metabolism Mental health benefits number one contributor to and builds muscle mass, helping to Improves sleep. Quality sleep is longevity, adding extra years to burn more calories. vital for your overall health. Regular your life—even if you don’t start Reduces the impact of illness activity can help you fall asleep exercising until your senior years. and chronic disease. People who more quickly, sleep more deeply, But getting active is not just about exercise tend to have improved and wake feeling more energetic adding years to your life, it’s about immune and digestive functioning, and refreshed. Boosts mood and adding life to your years. better blood pressure and bone self-confidence. Exercise is a huge Getting moving can help boost density, and a lower risk of stress reliever and the endorphins your energy, maintain your Alzheimer’s disease, diabetes, produced can actually help reduce

106 Woman’s Era ● December 2020 feelings of sadness, depression, or anxiety. Being active and feeling strong naturally helps you feel more self-confident. Does amazing things for the brain. Activities like Sudoku or crossword puzzles can help keep your brain active, but little comes close to the beneficial effects of exercise on the brain. It can help brain functions as diverse as multitasking and creativity and can help prevent memory loss, cognitive decline, and dementia. Getting active may even help slow the progression of brain disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease. Six myths about activity and aging Myth 1: There’s no point to exercising. I’m going to get old anyway. Fact: Regular physical activity helps you look and feel younger and EXERCISE IS A HUGE Myth 4: I’m too old to start stay independent longer. It also exercising. lowers your risk for a variety of STRESS RELIEVER AND Fact: You’re never too old to get conditions, including Alzheimer’s THE ENDORPHINS moving and improve your health! In and dementia, heart disease, PRODUCED CAN fact, adults who become active later diabetes, certain cancers, high in life often show greater physical blood pressure, and obesity. And ACTUALLY HELP and mental improvements than the mood benefits of exercise can REDUCE FEELINGS OF their younger counterparts. If be just as great at 70 or 80 as they SADNESS, you’ve never exercised before, or were at 20 or 30. DEPRESSION, OR it’s been a while, you won’t be encumbered by the same sports Myth 2: Exercise puts me at risk ANXIETY. BEING injuries that many regular exercisers of falling down. ACTIVE AND FEELING experience in later life. In other Fact: Regular exercise, by STRONG NATURALLY words, there aren’t as many miles building strength and stamina, on your clock so you’ll quickly start prevents loss of bone mass and HELPS YOU FEEL MORE reaping the rewards. Just begin improves balance, actually reducing SELF-CONFIDENT. with gentle activities and build up your risk of falling. from there.

Myth 3: It’s too frustrating: I’ll Myth 5: I can’t exercise because never be the athlete I once was. I’m disabled. Fact: Changes in hormones, Fact: Chair-bound people face metabolism, bone density, and special challenges but can lift light muscle mass mean that strength weights, stretch, and do chair and performance levels inevitably aerobics, chair yoga, and chair Tai decline with age, but that doesn’t Chi to increase their range of mean you can no longer derive a motion, improve muscle tone and sense of achievement from physical flexibility, and promote activity or improve your health. The cardiovascular health. Many key is to set lifestyle goals that are swimming pools offer access to appropriate for your age. And wheelchair users and there are remember: a sedentary lifestyle adaptive exercise programs for takes a much greater toll on athletic wheelchair sports such as ability than biological aging. basketball.

Woman’s Era ● December 2020 107 ADULTS WHO BECOME ACTIVE LATER IN LIFE OFTEN SHOW GREATER ted PHYSICAL AND MENTAL aying Motiva IMPROVEMENTS THAN Tips For St THEIR YOUNGER COUNTERPARTS. IF YOU’VE NEVER EXERCISED BEFORE, YOU WON’T BE ENCUMBERED BY THE SAME SPORTS INJURIES THAT MANY REGULAR EXERCISERS EXPERIENCE IN LATER LIFE. Myth 6: I’m too weak or have too many aches and pains. Fact: Getting moving can help you manage pain and improve your strength and self-confidence. Many older people find that regular activity not only helps stem the decline in strength and vitality that comes with age, but actually improves it. The key is to start off gently. Types of activities beneficial to older adults Walking. Walking is a perfect way to start exercising. It requires no special equipment, aside from a pair of comfortable walking shoes, and can be done anywhere. Senior sports or fitness classes. Keeps you motivated while also It’s easy to become discouraged show up on a day when you were providing a source of fun, stress when illness, injury, or changes in tempted to ditch your activity relief, and a place to meet friends. the weather interrupt your routine plans. Choose something you look Water aerobics and water sports. and seem to set you back to forward to, but don’t allow Working out in water reduces stress square one. But there are ways to yourself to do until after and strain on the body’s joints. stay motivated when life’s exercising, such as having a hot Yoga. Combines a series of poses challenges get in the way: bath or a favorite cup of coffee. with breathing. Moving through the Focus on short-term goals, such Keep a log. Writing down your poses helps improve strength, as improving your mood and activities in an exercise journal not flexibility and balance, and can be energy levels and reducing stress, only holds you accountable, but is adapted to any level. rather than goals such as weight also a reminder of your Tai Chi and Qi Gong. Martial arts- loss, which can take longer to accomplishments. inspired systems of movement that achieve. Get support. When you work increase balance and strength. Reward yourself when you out with a friend or family Classes for seniors are often successfully complete a workout, member, you can encourage and available at local YMCA or reach a new fitness goal, or simply motivate each other. We community centers.

108 Woman’s Era ● December 2020

Senior sex: What changes as men get older? What you can do to maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life as you grow older! By A. Kartikeyan

s you age, sex isn't the same ● A need for more stimulation to as it was in your 20s — but it achieve and maintain erection Acan still be satisfying. and orgasm Contrary to common myths, sex ● Shorter orgasms isn't just for the young. Many ● Less forceful ejaculation and seniors continue to enjoy their less semen ejaculated sexuality into their 80s and beyond. ● Longer time needed to achieve A healthy sex life not only is another erection after fulfilling, but also is good for other ejaculation aspects of your life, including your You may feel some anxiety about physical health and self-esteem. these changes, but remember they As men age, testosterone levels don't have to end your enjoyment decline and changes in sexual of sex. Adapting to your changing function are common. These body can help you maintain a physiological changes can include: healthy and satisfying sex life. For example, you may need to adjust your sexual routine to include more stimulation to become aroused. Senior sex and health problems Your health can have a big impact on your sex life and sexual performance. Poor health or chronic health conditions, such as heart disease or arthritis, make sex and intimacy more challenging. Certain surgeries and many medications, such as blood pressure medications, antihistamines, antidepressants and acid-blocking drugs, can affect sexual function. ● Talk withSenior your partner. Even sexBecause tips it might take longer f But don't give up. You and your if it's difficult to talk about sex, or you or your partner to partner can experiment with ways openly sharing your needs, become aroused, take more to adapt to your limitations. For desires and concerns can help time to set the stage for example, if you're worried about you both enjoy sex and i romance. Try a new sexual having sex after a heart attack, talk ntimacy more. position or explore other ways with your doctor about your ● Visit your doctor. Your of connecting romantically concerns. If arthritis pain is a doctor can help you manage and sexually. problem, try different sexual chronic conditions and ● Don't give up on romance. If positions or try using heat to medications that affect your sex you've lost your partner, it can alleviate joint pain before or after life. If you have trouble be difficult to imagine starting sexual activity. maintaining an erection, ask your another relationship — but Stay positive and focus on ways doctor about treatments. socializing is well worth the of being sexual and intimate that ● See a sex therapist. A effort for many single seniors. work for you and your partner. therapist may be able to help you No one outgrows the need for and your partner with specific emotional closeness and Senior sex and emotional concerns. Ask your doctor for a intimacy. issues referral. If you start an intimate At any age, emotional issues can ● Expand your definition of relationship with a new affect your sexuality. Many older sex. Intercourse is only one way partner, use a condom. Many couples report greater satisfaction to have a fulfilling sex life. older adults are unaware that with their sex life because they Touching, kissing and other they are still at risk of sexually have fewer distractions, more time intimate contact can be transmitted infections, such as and privacy, and no worries about rewarding for you and your herpes and gonorrhea. pregnancy. partner. One final piece of advice for On the other hand, some older As you age, it's normal for you maintaining a healthy sex life: adults feel stressed by health and your partner to have problems, financial concerns and different sexual abilities and Take care of yourself and stay as other lifestyle changes. Depression needs. Be open to finding new healthy as you can: can decrease your desire for and ways to enjoy sexual contact and ● Eat a healthy diet. interest in sex. If you feel you might intimacy. ● Exercise regularly. be depressed, talk to your doctor or ● Adapt your routine. Simple ● Don't drink too much a counselor. changes can improve your sex alcohol. Sex may not be the same for you life. Change the time of day you ● Don't smoke. or your partner as it was when you have sex to a time when you have were younger. But sex and intimacy the most energy. Try the morning See your doctor regularly, can continue to be a rewarding part — when you're refreshed from a especially if you have chronic of your life. Here are some tips for good night's sleep — rather than health conditions or take maintaining a healthy and enjoyable at the end of a long day. prescription medications. We sex life:

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accelerated with the onset of the ongoing Kitchen queries pandemic. Some of the healthy alternatives are almond flour, coconut flour, quinoa flour, rye and jowar flour etc. A lot of these are high in & protein and fibre which makes them a good A substitute. It is recommended to blend multiple Q flours and starches to create an all-purpose substitution. ●

MID THE COVID-19 CRISIS, EVERY ONE WANTS TO INCLUDE PLEASE TELL US THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “VEGANISM” AND organic fruits and vegetables in their diet to “VEGETARIANISM”, AS IT’S VERY CONFUSING. Aincrease their immunity. Please tell us what points India has long been called the vegetarian capital of the should we keep in mind while buying the organic ones? world, but now like the rest of the world our focus is Yes you are right we do need to keep some things in shifting towards plant-based diet, which is free of both mind or be aware of. Organically produced food is higher meat and dairy products. For decades we have been the in nutrients. Though organic foods are rich in vitamins, dairy-loving country. Milk is an important and irreplaceable minerals, antioxidants, iron and carotenoids, choosing component of almost all Indian households. But now the right product is the tricky part. veganism is increasingly been embraced. A vegan would Before buying it is important to check for the seal on abstain from eating dairy products, eggs and meat, but a the packet. Organic fruits and vegetables are different vegetarian individual may consume dairy products in shape and size, unlike non-organic ones which look including milk, curd, butter and ghee among others. flawless and perfect in all ways. Organic foods taste much ● better and has better flavours, than non-organic foods.. WHAT ARE HERBAL SALTS AND HOW THEY ARE SAID TO BE SUPERIOR They may also have worms or worm holes on them as THAN THE NORMAL SALT? insects feed on them in the absence of pesticides or The herbal salts are derived from the upper Himalayan chemicals. ● regions and they have all the goodness of all herbs which are available only at about12,000 feet. The herbal salts are N THE MODERN TIMES, WANTING TO BAKE A CAKE WITHOUT THE available in four varieties, namely turmeric herbal salt, plain old all-purpose-flour is not difficult. Please can chilli herbal salt, hemp herbal salt and turmeric herbal salt Iyou elaborate. with garlic. Anyone who incorporates these in their daily Now a days experts are experimenting with a number of life is surely going to benefit from the ingredients that are types of flour to achieve various textures and flavours. The added in it. need for flours packed with health nutrients has — SAVITA BHARGAVA

112 Woman’s Era ● December 2020