THE CORD

—————______NEWS: Everybody's com- FEATURE: Mister Sand- SCENE: The Scorpions SPORTS: A pictorial look ing out for WLU's con- man, bring me a dream.... gave a rockin' show at the at the varsity scene last vocation ceremonies this but don't tell me why. We Super-mega-dome, man. year. Powerful, moving, weekend. Twice. tell you why. Oh yeah, friggin' A. dynamic....it's OK.

page 5 page 11 page 15 page 17 THE CORD 0 2 MAY^Q 199i ribU2> -_ - _ couple require a tidy Mary. salad I Downtown 3rd An- cher!!! a with me. Get I I I I I 1 nual Sidewalk Art- one bedroom apart- a real pet! ment. Rent to be ne- ImJ Lb I ists Contest. Call jA nA: Whenever — 111 II Betty 744 " 4921 t0 S° tiated - Call you want to dump WILFCON VII Sat- I Il— register. Roxanne or Tony at that loser> there's a urday, June 1. Call \A / A MIL n 725-5269. re al man waiting for Dennis at 743-9485 VV/\I N 111/ UP T0 in you. Call Martin, or David at 746- ° prizes to be won - < just don,t te117840 f r the vm, v.■> nrnAAh A 0 VOLUNTEER June 20, 21, 22: The J I \ L fraser, OK?) gritties. TUTORS NEEDED '' Kitchener A \ U ) _ ?.OWn,OWn ®dewalk UIW MARTIN: Nice TO: .he boys fron, tutoring tor adults Musicians Contest. LWV fnrkintrtuc rnrlintr Euler and youths who want Call 744-4921 to DRINKING PROB- ° accident. (Anh! CLEAN UP THE to their improve register. LEM???? Al- BLOODY KlTCH- and ——- reading, writing, Anonymous , coholics _ EN basic math skills. If meetings held every . Mf) CMC , From; the m£n ea C Euler Liter a cv girly-turtle. buddy. ctr? a H m ' Vf ?' even eat a " Won't 743 6090- \A/AMTPn Student s oUnge little bit of meat, oh DEAREST ANGEL VVAIN I L U | i h J ' B Spike You'll always be the SIDEWALK ART- STU- no not the CO-OP Eveyone welcome only one for us....and ISTS WANTED wonder-vegetarian, DENTS: Need someday you 11 June 20, 21, 22. Cat- someone to take over FRANK: Do you re- No, we just make mean egories for adults your lease from Sep- member when I said friends with goldies.

ar ' orm and and children. The tember Ito Decern- I'd stay with you Here, little goldy y> Kitchener ber 30? A young forever? I lied fel- buddies, come have Woody.

......

BOAT CRUISE _ . Sunday June 9th Upcoming Events: , |

Buses leave at 10am from Security June 9 - Boat Cruise 1 \ July 3 - Blue Jays Trip *4s*' ■ July 5 - Baseball Tournament j Ju'y ®" Komedy Night in Wilf's 1L ■ J \ July 23 - Talent Night 9 I T,ck ° n'y Ju'y " Slide Show I $1* ■ J VOLUME XXXII, ISSUE 1. Issue one. It's a whole new year here in Cord- land (sorta), but the same old Cord (sorta). Anyway, It's time to put the past behind us and think only lovely thoughts about the future, or at least page the immediate twelve months ahead. More FIRST UP: The Cord Guide to Profanity, Sex, and Naughty Thoughts. "Same as it ever was."

- Really, though, welcome to Volume 32 of Cord News, and of course - three we're jus' kidding about that Profanity elal thing. For now. money

Cathy-Jo Noble The Cord

Students can look forward to get- ting more money from OSAP next year. THE NEWS In an attempt to make the cur- news editor: vacant associate news editor: Michael van Bodegom May 30,1991 rent Ontario Student Assistance Program (OSAP) program a fairer one, Minister of Colleges and Universities, Richard Allen, will be undertaking a major review of the OSAP system this summer. The review will be completed by August 1991, and Dr. Allen Bricker Residence hopes to implement the changes in the program in time for the 1992-1993 academic year. The ministry expects major change to come from the in- be opening soon tensive review covering such is- to eligibility sues as financial criteria, student debt loads and Mark Hand is keeping some costs low, but aid to non-traditional students, in- The Cord labour costs are a major factor in cluding part-time students, single straining the $40 million budget. parents and adult learners. The The newest addition to the The different aspects of information for the assessment Laurier skyscape will be finished Bricker Residence are in varying will come from consultations by August 15, or so the university degrees of completion. The basic with students, faculty, and admin- hopes. construction has been completed. istrators. When asked if the new Brick- Electromechanical work is now "This review will be er Residence building would be being done throughout the com- thorough," said Allen. "I am finished on time, WLU Housing plex, and the walls are almost determined to do whatever has to Director Mike Belanger ans- ready to be dry walled. The outer be done to make access to higher wered: "oh yeah." facing of the building is partially education fair and equitable for all Ontarians." The new dorm, called by finished. four Belanger "the university's show- Almost all of the furniture for This review comes case", has been unofficially the new building has been months after Allen and the minis- try major dubbed the "Bricker Residence" selected. All furniture will be had announced a list of adjustments to the previous until a permanent name has been oak, the emphasis being placed pro- These adjustments chosen. "We were going to call it on durability and aesthetics. The gram. came into place the 'Bricker Street Residence', residence is being designed to in April and were to and then we realized it's called play a dual role of student reflect the increases in student Bricker Avenue. And 'Bricker dormitory and summer confer- costs in turn making the programs Avenue Residence' just doesn't ence housing. fairer. sound right." One of the biggest tasks yet to The April alteration involved come is moving the furniture in. numerous issues. Increases in as- it is named or not, it Whether "I'm not looking forward to get- sistance were included in the must by the end of the be finished ting 300 mates beds, bookshelves, changes, to offset increased tui- summer, students so the 300 lamps, desks, 75 fridges, stoves, tion and living costs. As well, living next year will not be there kitchen tables, and living room disabled students saw an increase left stranded. sets into that building," com- in their grant maximums to cover "It will at least be habitable "It's a logistic mented Belanger. This will be the view looking out towards campus from the disability-related expenses that by September," said Belanger. If nightmare, you only take so can new dorm's front door. Only cleaner. Photo by Mark Hand were not previously covered. problems arise in construction, elevator trip. And much up in one For married students, the ad- the priority will be to complete imagine if all the Dons do not have their own kitchen facilities being provided, could you justments were beneficial as im- the living areas first The com- with bathrooms as in the and to avoid more overcrowding rooms aren't finished yet?" rooms proved child-care allowance and munity lounges and other recrea- other dorms, but are special in the Dining Hall. The residence is constructed a lower contribution rate were tional and administrative facilities each rooms inside regular apartment Apart from being apartment in four person apartments, implemented. In 1990-1991, a would be put on hold, and fin- single rooms, two units which have a separate style, co-ed, and having no containing four student couple whose earnings ished after people move in. kitchen, dining area, entrance and office area. mandatory meal plan, there are bathrooms, a were $28,000 were expected to living building The cost to students to live in other unique qualities of the new So far, the only problems and room. The contribute $3,900, then in 1991- be co-ed, alternating genders the new residence will amount to residence. Amenities such as a have been in keeping to the will 1992, the same couple was only on each floor. The top three about $400 a month. The food convenience shop, spe- budget. "It's hard to do the whole store/tuck expected to contribute $1,100. where 50 graduate and for- services meal plan is optional, not thing for the price we have to," floors, cial event kitchen and gathering Due to the April review, part- students be placed, will required like the other build- said Belanger. "But we don't eign will in room, and administrative offices time students receive larger trans- gender floor. ings, are adequate have much choice." The recession be mixed on each since there are in the works. The entire build- portation and personal living al- ing will be air conditioned. There lowances. Another change came will be two elevators. Phone jacks in the number and amount of will be included in each room for Ontario Graduate Scholarships, an occupant to plug in their own which were increased by one phone, and individual phone lines hundred. can be arranged in addition to the Probably the best outcome of one provided. the April alterations is that With 300 more students living changes to the way the province on campus next year, one of the uses the Canada Student Loans major concerns will be parking. program will make an extra $36 Previously, parking about 50 million available to Ontario stu- spots have been provided on dents. campus for the approximately one Dr. Allen felt that due to the thousand residence students. Next changes made in April, "Students year, residence parking privileges will be treated more equitably." will be moved to the university The changes made in April complex at 202 Regina Street certainly improved the OSAP The university believes it will system and hopefully the changes now be able to offer a room on to come as a result of the present campus for all first year For those who haven't snuck Into the new dorm at night yet, now you don t need to. students review will only improve the sys- Hand (but who request one. You can tell by this there ain't a whole lot to see. Photo by Mark why?) tem even more. THE CORD 4 NEWS MAY 30, 199 1 Laurier hosts AIESEC conference toberfest celebration that was celebrated Sunday night at the Turret involved delegates dress- ing up in liederhosen, suspenders and drinking, something that Lambregts was pleased to see as a success. Lambregts thought the confer- ence was quite successful in both informing students and also al- lowing students to have a good time. Lambregts looks forward to the upcoming fall Regional con- ference in Windsor. Would you just look at these happy-go-lucky conference goers? Holy smokers, they're happy. Photo by Lanny Poffo "I think it all went really good...everybody was very Louisa Lambregts, Communi- explored by the seminar groups. day and Sunday evenings as well pleased," stated Lambregts. "I Martin Walker cations Co-ordinator of AIESEC Night time activities included as a secretly planned bus adven- think it was well worth the ef- The Cord for the conference, believed that dance parties at the Turret on Fri- ture on Saturday night. The Ok- fort." it was an important issue that The Laurier campus isn't al- "needed to be discussed." ways empty in the summer. Lambregts thought it was im- Approximately 150 students portant that AIESEC help "get the from various Universities across Games Room scandal ball rolling." Also talking about Ontario came to WLU for a the environment was Patrick Car- improve fraser kirby claims this is to accessibility during the weekend long AEISEC confer- son, VP Environmental Affairs of summer months when the "window of operations" get together. The Cord ence and Loblaws. of Students' Union profit centres is smaller. The weekend conference had Among the casualties of the shake-up are such "Leadership In The Changing seminars Saturday and Sunday Some major operational changes are taking popular games as W.W.F. Wrestling and Space Har- Global Environment" was the during the day, while The Turret place in the S.U.B. this month, many of which have rier. These games have moved to various locations topic of the Regional AIESEC became the main centre of atten- ultra-major repercussions on student life at Laurier. all over Ontario from Wasaga Beach to Conference, held during the Pioneer tion Friday and Sunday nights. In what Students' Union business Sports World Kitchener. The weekend of May 17-20. manager, Tim in popular pinball Delegates were encouraged to go Hranka calls, "standard procedure", the games room game Diner has been reallocated to Stinger's Dine Some Universities in attendance to the various seminars, which has under gone some radical reorganizations. The and Dance in Waterloo, The Cord has found after were Western, Guelph, York, were divided into different topics. twenty-plus games that the facility boasts in the extensive investigative reporting Friday night. Toronto and Sudbury, each with The seminars covered topics regular year has been slashed down to around fif- When school resumes full-time in September, between 10 to 12 delegates each. like Marketing, Public Relations, teen. "The changes are part of the contract we have the games will be returned. The major theme was recycling Human Resources, Finance, and with the games people," said Hranka, when Said WLUSU VP Media and Communications, and global environmental con- Special Projects. Communication cornered by Cord reporters. Martin Walker, "if my wrestling doesn't come cerns that businesses must meet within your organization and Two of the games, Tetris, and US Golf have back, heads will roll." for the future. motivation were two such topics been moved to the 23 hour TV lounge. Hranka Pac-Man could not be reached for comment.

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Your WLU/ of W Flower Supporter qSjPg, Petals & Pots (Waterloo) Petals & Pots (Kitchener) I «gWi Open 8:30-6:C<) Mon., Tues . Wed., Sat. Open 9:00-5:30 daily ■ liftgßfe 8:30-9:00 Thurs.. Fri. Monday through Saturday the cord 3Q, I€>S>l NEWS 5 Laurier to hold a double convocation Cathy-Jo Noble Armenian has been music novel, The Temptations of Big 1988. Presently he is working on The Cord director of the Kitchener- Bear. In 1987, Wiebe was a museum display interpreting the For the first time Laurier's Waterloo Symphony Orchestra in his- awarded the Lome Pierce Gold Rideau Canal. Nassau has made tory, the annual spring convoca- since 1971. In this time, he has Medal for his contributions. excellent contributions to audio- tion will be split into two built up the orchestra from a Nassau will receive his visual displays at museums in ceremonies to accommodate the mainly amateur group to a fully honorary degree at the afternoon Canada and the United States. growing of graduates professional ensemble. He number and ceremony as well. He was the These include the Corning Muse- their guests. played a crucial role in the crea- director of the audio-visual de- um, the Seagram Museum and the The tion of the Canadian Chamber ceremonies are to take partment at Laurier from 1969- Drumheller Museum. place at the Kitchener auditorium Ensemble, which has toured in- on Saturday June 1, 1991. The ternationally and won several first of the two ceremonies will awards for its recordings. occur at 10:00 a.m. while the sec- The graduands at the morning ond will be at 2:30 p.m. There are ceremony will be addressed by WLU tragedy over 1,300 graduands who will Armenian. receive degrees. Wiebe will address the Three honorary degrees are granduands at the afternoon Nick Jimenez being awarded. The three were ceremony. Wiebe is recognized Special to the Cord chosen by the Honorary degree as an award-winning author who committee of the Senate which presently is a professor of Cana- There is no one word to describe the sense of remorse one considered nine nominations this dian literature and creative writ- feels when they lose someone close to them. On Tuesday, May year. The recipients will be Raffi ing at the University of Alberta. 14, 1991, Craig Dack, a fourth year Co-op BBA student ftom Armenian, Rudy Wiebe, and He was given the 1973 Governor Wilfrid Laurier University passed away. Willi Nassau. General's Award for his fiction Dack passed away in a Toronto hospital after recently receiving a liver transplant He leaves behind a laudable reputa- tion at Laurier, one which embodies strength of character and a genuine sense of commitment and caring to those he knew. Craig was an active student, dedicating himself to his aca- Syd graduates demic pursuits and involving himself in a number of athletic teams. He was a member ofLaurier's lacrosse team and played After a career as a United Church minister in a host of intramural sports. It is through this well rounded ap- Special to The Cord southwestern Ontario, Hershey resumed studies in proach to life that best describes his good natured disposition. St. Catherines. Later, upon his return to Kitchener, Craig recognized the value of hard work and rarely let an Way to go, Syd. he also return to Laurier. By now he was the only arduous task weaken his diligence. He was also a motivator, Sidney (Syd) Hershey will be the last of a local member of his immediate family not to have gradu- excelling settings. family of five to graduate from in group His inspiration and thoughtful ex- Laurier when he ated from Laurier. His wife and three children all gets hooded at 1, at pression afforded him an extremely relaxed and rational June the 2:30 p.m. convocation had B.A.'s from the University. On this near- ceremonies. Hershey is seventy-year-old grand- demeanour, making him, without delay, a respected leader. a tradition Hershey commented, "If they it, father. could do Craig will be remembered and deeply missed by his many why couldn't I?" friends here at Laurier and home in Burlington. Taking in- More than thirty years ago Hershey enrolled Why, indeed. So he did. And with 1200 other at Cross, part-time at Waterloo College (which would later graduands, Syd will receive his degree this spiration from the White Craig is a credit to our univer- become Wilfrid Laurier University) in order to weekend. He will be receiving his B.A. inreligion sity, someone we can all use as a source of inspiration. He has qualify for divinity studies elsewhere. Then he left. and culture.

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• Washing Soda Waterloo's Very Own • Dish and Laundry Detergent Environmental Store • Shampoo Located at 105 Rd. Watrerloo • Personal Care Products LeMiigtcm • Energy Saving Light Bulbs 725-2986 THE CORD 6 NEWS MAY 30„ 199i They're looking for our President Search Committee still searching Mike van Bodegom The Cord

Time is ticking away for Laurier's Presidential Search Committee. With Dr. Weir's last term as University President ending in 1992, the Committee has been work- ing hard to find a suitable replacement.

The Search Committee is composed of 12 members: five faculty members, five Board of Governors, one stu- dent representative, and one staff member.

The Committee is charged with deciding — with the university community's input - the desired attributes of a University President, as well as searching for candi- dates possessing these traits and eventually choosing the best person for the position. Presently, the Committee is working on the profile of the ideal President. They have had eight meetings and even a weekend retreat where they "explored the issues photo president barfing hamburger. Oh, he's just eating It. Well, maybe it's not so to be faced in the 1990'5" and the corresponding values A rare of Weir up a needed in a President. They've met with, heard presenta- rare, after all. Let's hope the new president is as photogenic. tions from, or read the letters of a myriad of groups great writer, a good public relations man, of within and outside of the University, including the Facul- The Search Committee hopes to finish interviews a man iron health and stamina, married to a paragon of ty Association, WLUSU, the Alumni Association, the Li- with all those who have a stake in Laurier by the end of virtue.... We brarian, the Graduate Students' Association, the Staff May, after which the Committee will formulate the Presi- saw our choice as having to be a man of the world, but Association, CUPE, UFCW, and WLU students. dential profile. an individual with great spiritual qualities; an experi- Apparently response thus far has been "enthusiastic". And from the Committee's latest press release: if you enced administrator, but able delegate; a Yale man, and a Says Committee member, student representative Tim "have any comments, questions, or concerns you feel the great scholar; a social philosopher, who though he had the solutions to Brown, "There's a lot of interest in the process." Committee should be aware of, please feel free to contact the world's problems, had still not lost Lee Teeter, Secretary to the Presidential Search Com- the common touch. After lengthy deliberation, we con- In addition, the Committee has contracted the ser- mittee, at [884-1970] extension 2440." cluded that there was only one such person. But then a Group. vices of The LANDMARK Consulting LAND- thought - But you call, this description from dark crossed our minds. We had to ask is God MARK will "facilitate the recruitment of the best pos- before consider University a president in the 19th a Yale man?" sible candidates" through sharing their search experience Yale in their search for century: "He had to be a leader, a magnificent speaker, a Is God a Laurier man (or woman)? and contacts.

.s / FACTORY -#o?s_vf LINGERIE ouTLET *Sv Bras up flPfe 1/2 S/zps $4 or 3/$lO Teddies $6 up y Nylon Fabrics $0.99 up Y\ i / COQUETTE LINGERIE INC. ■| /J 886-1031 pl 52 Bridgeport Road East Waterloo, Ont. Ji^M 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT WITH AD THE CORD 199 1 NEWS 7 Coop loses their perfectplacement record

Mike van Bodegom economy is worse now and with dinator, explained what a waived business or economics. which they were employed. approximately twice as many work term means. "It is a way to At the University of Water- The Cord This report is the link, coop students in Ontario, the job maintain the integrity of the coop loo, famous for its coop program, Dietrich says, that the Business market is very difficult to crack. program, so 'Laurier Coop' still Dietrich says they are taking a For the first time since the reces- faculty worked out with coop, to There are 213 second-year means something" without dis- different route, allowing jobs not sion of the early 1980s, Laurier's ensure students are ready for the students from Business and Eco- appointing those students who are normally "good enough", to have SBE coop program has unem- next term and do get some ex- nomics in the coop option this simply victims of poor economic coop approval, permitting stu- ployed students on their hands. posure to the business world. Stu- year, compared to 192 last year. times. Essentially, dents to stay in the program. By John Thompson, the Director students may a coop placement dents who have not this, she believes that of Cooperative Education says Of the 213, 183 have approved opt to stay in the program even doing are expected to write such a will, that this recession is "much coop placements, 27 have no though they do not have a posi- Laurier's program in the report as well, in the normal long run, look better in the eyes tougher" than in '82-'B3 for coop, position as of yet, and 3 have tion approved by the Coop de- course of coop education, gener- of students and potential but adds that they are working "waived" this work term. partment. They must however ally on the company or field in employers. that much harder. He believes the Cheryl Dietrich, Coop Coor- write a report on some aspect of The coop office has been working to try lessen the effects of poor economic times. They a few thoughts... have opened a 24-hour phone line Just which plays a recording of any we think new job placements. They have van Bodegom vague, sorry, I'm still working this out) doesn't print, what Michael undoubtably expanded their marketing efforts From the News Desk is right does. The end result of this is that the Cord will end up printing things which we know will offend a lot, if not a vast to over 5000 "contacts" where majority of the students, things which might bring down the reputa- they usually only have 1500. But, Just a few notes to clear up this here practice -- er, summer issue: adds Thompson, "there are not a tion of the University (rightly or wrongly), things which the students jobs" out plain in their paper. heck of a lot of there. - don't want • Generally, these pages are no place for any sort of personal thanks just contended, however, is that we have no such right or He praises the coop students and you probably won't see any more for another nine or ten months What was obligation, we print what, should a consensus be formed, for being active, and says that -- but I'd like to express the utmost gratitude of the news department that should would mean that on occasion articles they are for the most part under- to Cathy-Jo and Martin. I'm sure both had better things to do on a the students want to see. This importance would be suppressed, standing of the coop's position in summer long weekend than help out a horribly disorganized news which we believe of relevance and we find morally wrong, would be hard times. "It is still tougher for room. Thanks guys.... while, perhaps, articles which printed. If the students want light and fluffy articles which only made regular stream students," says good wholesome, that's what you would see every Thompson. "And we can never - -- look and • WLU In what was perhaps surprisingly the most thought-provoking guarantee jobs." conversation I had while up here doing this issue of the Cord, a basic week. while still think that my original, and previously un- assumption I had/have about, well, doing this student paper thing was Anyway, I Still, some students feel bad is right, it is the students' paper. They can't questioned. Now, without question (I think), the Cord is the stu- questioned, opinion/bias to have parted with $1000 in coop it, it, (generally) open another dents' paper, for the students. But, and here's where it gets trickier, choose not to pay for boycott or even fees, only to be unemployed this journalism. Of course, every- what that mean? paper to represent different concepts in summer. does opinion, let their bias While personal bias probably me from doing justice one is free to come up here and give their in- my prevents And so coop heads into the to try. assumed that what the Cord, and by ex- filtrate the paper.... both sides, I'll I had 1991-1992 school year. Of tension its staff, owed the students was simply an ethical paper. That • (admittedly the course, they can't say that they is, we conform to "commonly held ethical conventions of Why, the one time I'm back in Waterloo this month that have had 100 per cent employ- jounalism" (from the Cord Creed); that we do what we, as a small, May long weekend), is Wilf's closed? And with all those damn flyers ment for 27 work terms any oft-considered clique-ish honestly believe is the "right" littering the campus. If I could just get my hands on the guy and group, more. thing. This means that what we believe is "wrong" (I know that's responsible for them....

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THE EFFECTS OF MODERN EDUCATION ON HUMAN INDIVIDUALITY

A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication 75 University Ave, West, Waterloo, Ont. N3L 2C5 : Fax: (519) 886-9351 MAY 30, 1991 VOLUME XXXI!, ISSUE 1 EDITORIAL BOARD

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Mark Hand

NEWS EDITOR- »»****+* tut' vacant ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR Mike van Bodegom SCENE EDITOR Charlotte Gravlev ASSISTANT SCENE EDITOR ...... —vacant SPORTS ED1T0R...... Craig Boucher FEATURES EDITOR Karen Lennox PRODUCTION MANAGER Stephanie Perrln Production Assistants: Niki Westman

.... vacant vacant Classified Co-ordlnator— t vacant

Circulation and Filing .. . vacant Copy Editors Jennifer O'Connell

... vacant CONTRIBUTORS:

Cathy-Jo Noble, Martin Walker, fraser kirby, Nick Jimenez, Fisher Sheffield, Jennifer Epps, Sylvia Chong, Tony Burke, Guy Etherington, Andrew Tam- Educational hazard lin, Norm Hudson, and whoever turned on the air conditioning. what he got his Ph.D. Production: Tony Burke. As they say, when you go to San Francisco thefirst thing you ask your cabbie is field Photo: Martin Walker, the ghost of the oid files. in...

STUDENT PUBLICATIONS "A Masters Degree?, I'm sorry, I'm afraid if you don't have a Ph.D. you're underqualified..." Is this the way of the future?

TECHNICIAN .... Rick Dales SYSTEMS Post-Secondary education seems to be an endless train of degrees that essentially end up being nothing PHOTO MANAGER...... Lisa Darling than to the environment. Let's face it, the higher ideals of education went out the window .... more offensive Photo Technicians: —..... Ward Black in it better Too bad it doesn't seem to work. ... Pier Paul Overduin with the demise of cottage industry. Most people are to get a job.

- Graphic Arts Technician ..... vacant There's a whole lot of university graduates out there who can't find a job not just artsies, but BBA'a and Bachelor of Commerce graduates too, for Pete's sake. This could just be because of the recession, but ADVERTISING: you can only blame so many things on that thing. The pattern of employment (or is that unemployment?) in- MANAGER ..... Peter Matlss dicates an increasing requirement for higher education in the work force; you need a Masters to get that job.

- BOARD OF DIRECTORS While this might be nice for those doing the hiring - a more educated employee can't be bad there is no room in this type of recruiting to accomodate the "self-made success story". The true dreams of entrepre- Fraser Kirby, President neurship are dying. The geniuses that quit school before finishing grade twelve won't even be allowed within Devin Krueger John McHutchion were all ™" fifty feet of any major corporation. Ironically, from mega-corporation to two-bit operation, they Greg Chang Allan lee that is modern vacant started by the entrepreneurial spirit being squashed by society. vacant So a Nick Jimenez {ex offtcb) what do they tell you? Stay in school until the job market gets better. But doesn't that just make back log of fresh faced university graduates with deflated hopes, a useless piece of paper, and a few letters INQUIRIES: 084-2990 (Editorial) 884-5092 after their name? Doesn't that cheapen this ideal we call education? Whatever happened to the honour of (Advertising). National advertising by having a degree? Campus Plus: (416) 481-7283. There used to be a time when graduating high school was a major accomplishment, university was a really big thing, a Masters degree was unheard of, and a Ph.D., well, they were only whispered of to little TheCord welcomes allthings from oarreaders which somehow end up in our offices: letters, stones, pictures, aitnadilloes. Please submit Let- children to make them afraid of leather elbow patched old balding men smoking pipes. Now, things have ters to the Editor typed end double-spaced by Tuesday at noon for the fol- changed. University educations can be had from the guy on corner a and a cigarette, so to lowing publication. We cm only pint letters that bear the author's real the for dollar coin name, telephone number, and I.D. number (if applicable), hut your name speak. (We all know they cost a hell of a lot more than that.) Masters programs are full of people with noth- be submissions become the of The by - may withheld request All property ing to do ~ are nothing special might such a Cord and we reserve the right to edit and refuse any submissions, because better like work and Ph.Ds anymore. Some argue this isn't that'sour job. Furthermoic, The Cord will not print anything considered bad thing, it means that the number of educated people floating around is going up. But the operative words to he sexist, racist or homophobic in nature by the staff as a votingbody, there are "floating around". A lot of education, not a lot of action. , or which is in violation of our code ofethics, creed, or better judgement as determined by Ouija. Sure, people are generally better educated, meaning they've spent longer getting that way, but most < v," Bight month, 24 issue Cord subscription rates am; $20.00 for ad- and $25 aren't doing anything with it. They can't. There's no jobs, and society isn't very receptive toward street- , dresses within Canada outside the country, except for Atlantis, our mail always getsreturned from there. Co-op students may subscribe at corner philosophers anymore. We invented universities to get those freaks off the streets in the first place. a rate of $10 per four month work tenn. it of the Perhaps there's a reason why nobody thinks a university education isn't worth much. Maybe because Hor, Wilfrid isn't. Latins imomy Web There's no denying it's a real kick where it hurts when you realize that what we're investing big time and money into is going to mean nothing when we're done. As some of us are now finding out. •tickter than tot wax summer months. The Cord is a member of the jßiir This editorial is dedicated to the spirits of unemployed Cordies past. Copyright (c) 1991 by WLU Student Publications, 75 University Ave. West. Waterloo, Ontario. N2L 3C5. No part of this publication may Editorial opinions are approved by the Editorial Board of The Cord and are independent of the university, the Students' Union, and the Student Publications Board of Directors. TII E OOR. D MAY 3Q, 1991 COMMENT 9 Unhappy Days Question of the Month By Woody von Hammer

The Lunatic Fringe "What would you name the By Mark Hand new residence building?" Confinement of a small bedroom. The window is open, but the curtains are closed. It is very dim. There is a figure in the bed, completely covered up, a lump. To the side there is a desk cluttered with stuff. The carpet is dirty clo- thing, with a steel garbage pail on the floor beside the bed. Long pause. A woman enters, straight out of a Tennessee Williams masterpiece. She is plump, with silverish-blue hair. She is wearing a spacious polka-dot summer "The Ragiv Gandhi Building. (It has dress, which is clinging to her body. She is clearly very hot. She is carrying a glass oflemonade and a package ofcigarettes. The extreme ofthe stereotypi- no top.) cal mother conjured up in images of Coronation Street, Tennessee Williams, and McCarthy's 1950's age of intolerance and prejudice. Bruce 2nd Year Tastelessness MOTHER [Sitting down heavily in desk chair.] Ah, what a day. [Pause. She stares at lump in bed.] What a day. Too nice a day to lie in bed. [Pause. She takes handkerchief out of her bodice, shakes it, and wipes herface.] Too 'ot. It's always too 'ot. [Pause. She takes a deep drink of her lemonade.] Aaaaah. [Pause. She looks alternately at her drink and her hanky.] I drink it, and it just comes out again. One way or another, it comes out again. [Pause.] You don't buy lemonade, you justrent it. But I guess there are worse things. [Groan from the bed.] Oh. You are alive. [Pause.] Well. [Pause. She tucks her hanky back in her bodice.] Let's shed some light on the topic. "A fish." [She gets up and waddles over to the window. She throws open the curtains, letting in a lot of light. The groan from the bed gets a lot Steve stronger.] Oh shush. It's good for you. [Pause.] Like lemonade. [Pause.] Are you ever going to get up? I remember....l remember sth Year Lethargic Studies when you used to get up early. For school. Early for school. [Pause.] I used to see you back then. [Pause.] I rem ember....when you used to talk about getting a big job. [Pause.] Remember? You were....you were going to buy me...[She looks down. Pause. She takes out a cigarette and lights it. She inhales deeply and lets it seep out through her nose.] A boat. I always wanted a boat. [Pause.] Mommy. One day I'll be rich and have a good job and I'll buy you a boat. And I'll stay with you, Mommy, not like.... [She takes another drag.] You said that once, you know. Long ago. [Pause.] I'm 'ot. [She takes an- other drag, and then looks around for a place toflick the ashes. She sees the garbage pail and goes to flick her ashes into it, but then sees what is in it.] Uuughh! What's this? [Peers at the bed lump.] Are you feeling OK? Are you sick? Are you ill? Hmmm? [She is answered "The Benson & Hedges Building." with a groan. An arm snakes outfrom the bed and reaches for a glass of water on the desk. It retreats with the glass back under the covers. It comes back out again and feels for a bottle of aspirin, and takes Tracey those back too.] Oh my. How will you get a job if you're sick? How Part-Time Cancer can it be done? [Pause.] It must be the 'en'. Your father always used to get sick in the 'eat. Couldn't work. ■ Pause.] Not that he ever could. [Pause to smoke and drink lemonade. She looks aroundfor a suitable ashtray, andfinally justflicks it on thefloor. The hand comes back out and replaces the glass, now empty, and the aspirin back on the desk.] You shouldn't stay out so late. You'll get sick. [Pause.] I was talking to Mrs. Anderson the other day. [Pause.] Last month. [Pause.] My, my. [Pause.] That long ago. [Pause.] Humph. Her daughter, you remember Cindy, she graduated this year too. She's working temp. [Pause.] A week here, a week there. [Pause.] How awful. Not settled. Always moving. Always changing. [Pause.] It's a job.[Pause.] How did that thing go? [Pause. She stares up, thinking.] "Phallic Symbol." Oh yes. Shall I put my garden in order? You've got to put your gar- den in order. [Pause. Drink, and smoke.] Of course, I don't really Tony mean to be a gardener. It's just a way of saying something else. 4th Year Embarrassment [Pause, trying to think. Suddenly, she remembers.] Figurative. That's what they call it. See, you don't need a university education to know these things. [Pause.] Put my garden in order. [She looks around, sees a trophy on the desk. Picks it up.] You were something in high school. [She pulls out her hanky again, and starts to polish the "Go away, Woody." trophy.] Yes—[polishes]--you sure was something. The girls- [polishes]—ti\ey liked you. Everyone liked you. [Stops polishing.] You were liked. Well liked. [Puts back trophy.] Everyone knew Linda you'd be someone. [Pause.] They thought. [Pause. She looks back at 18th Year Friendliness Diploma garbage pail, grimaces.] You'd better take it easy. You're sick. Bet- ter not go out tonight. Better not stay out late. Better....[The phone rings. She jumps up.] Oh. The telephone. Who could that be, who in- deed? [She goes to leave, then stops. She comes back and moves to pick up the garbage pail. She looks in it again, and makes a face. She tosses her cigarette in it.] Better rest some more. Get better. [Pause.] Then you can find a job. [She rushes out to answer the phone. The lump does not move.]

The Lunatic Fringe is an very loose organization of writers, talkers and drinkers, who like to get together and share ideas. The visible by-product of there?" this is this column, which features a piece of work chosen by the group. The "Is Fraser current membership is one person, so it was pretty easy this issue to figure out whose work got published. Ifyou've got a burning desire to express your- Jana self — or even a smoldering one to sit down and drink, talk, read, and write 4th Year Communications (not in that order) — come see The Cord Editor sometime. No hurry. And I Studies don't mind if you tell me my writing's shit. That's the point. By the way, apologies to Samuel Beckett. T T I E C O R ID 10 CZ 01VIMENT MAY^O^I99 i Political comment with a bite and clumps of dry dirt: the his image, and start coming up, so the day's action was just groundhog had escaped. across as just an old man with a about done. Groundhog hunting brings out weak heart." But just as we were getting the worst in some people, and About 50 metres away, over ready to leave, though, one last Ted is a prime example. He'd by where the road met the field, groundhog came aboveground, killed only 7 hogs all season, and another groundhog poked his and started to scamper across the METROPOLIS now he was getting angry about head out of his hole. Ted immedi- field. Ted let loose a mighty vol- BY FISHER SHEFFIELD it. As he stomped over to his ately spotted it, and opened fire. I ley of fire, but the hog somehow truck and pulled his moose rifle hadn't even begun reloading from managed to dodge the bullets. But I was out blasting groundhogs the question. She caught him off- from out of its case from behind the first hog by the time he'd the explosions around the hog with my close friend and personal guard, and he looked drunk when the front seat, he was muttering bagged iL had apparently confused it, and it adviser Ted Cruise the other day, he spun his head around and said about vermin, and cows with "I love groundhog hunting," had lost its sense of direction, and when we got into a discussion of "Uh...whu-" to the camera..." broken legs, and, incidentally, he told me, as we solemnly couldn't find its hole to return to President Bush's heart problem, At that moment a groundhog George Bush. walked over to the dead animal. it. and the Dan Quayle question. popped its head out of its tunnel, "It's all just a ploy," he began. "But we should be on horses, and So, as Ted was reloading, it "I saw Reagan on TV the and Ted and I proceeded to blast "Just like Reagan and his c010n... wearing cowboy hats and outback was up to me to croak the fat little other day," I told Ted. "He looked the field around it with about 10 You have to remember that Bush jackets, and racing across the bastard. As Ted fed bullets into old, and confused, and his hair rounds apiece. had his yearly 6 hour physical ex- field to "Ride of The Valkyries" his gun, I launched an arrow at was grey. A reporter asked him When we'd finished, Ted and amination just a month earlier, as we exterminate these little the hog, and hit my target. what he'd said to Bush when I walked over to the lip of the and back then nothing turned up. buck-toothed mother-fuckers..." The hog was still moving Bush was in the hospital, but hole, looking for our kill. But all But with the war in the gulf now "But what about Dan when we ran over to it, but we Reagan hadn't been listening to we found was chewed up grass over, he's decided to tone down Quayle?" I asked him. "If this needn't have bothered running. heart scare is for real, and Bush The hog was trying, at last, to has to undergo surgery, or by make it into a hole, but the arrow some chance dies, Dan becomes through its head didn't permit it President. And most people, and access. not just Americans, think Dan's "Jesus, Fish," Ted muttered to too dumb to look after the coun- me, "Will you look at that?" try, and by extension, the West- Later, we were on our way ern Alliance." back into town when I exclaimed: The groundhog was un- "You're wrong about Quayle. recognizable when we got over to This situation will redeem him it. The 30.08 slugs from Ted's with the American public: even gun had exploded it into pieces: it Dennis Miller will give him some looked like we weren't going to credit after this. You'll see: this have anything to bring home. will be Quayle's baptism by fire, "Don't worry about it," I was his Vimy Ridge, so to speak. And told. "There's nothing wrong with he'll be President of the United the President. David Letterman States in 1996." and Jay Leno and all the rest will Ted eyed me coolly, and I make their jokes about Dan, but saw his muscles go all tense. But nothing will change. The Presi- then he politely asked me, dent won't need surgery, so "Would you care to make a wage' Quayle won't ever get the job. on that?" And Quayle will be off the ticket I thought about it, but not for in'92." long. "Why not?" I responded, Back over at the truck, I "We are, after all, sportsmen." thought about this, as I strung up my bow and selected some ar- FISHER SHEFFIELD is an angry rows. But as Ted passed me a young man, and a jokerjournalist al- lovin' lowed by the grace his editor to Summer beer, had a feeling that he was of I wrong about this write for The Cord. METROPOLIS is one. his weekly column -- part happened Nothing much for autobiography, part commentary,

the next hour or so. -- We sat and part fiction and in no way drank and threw empty beer represents the opinions of anyone, bottles up in the air and shot at except perhaps those who like his Had me a blast them, but no groundhogs came work. By fraser kirby lieve I'm taking a course, History 3, something or other but sometimes I have to pass on class and Ah, summer school....the very word used to push my tab at Wilf's to where no man has gone strike fear in my very near post-pubescent heart in before. (OK I've been to one class, get off my high(ish) school. The image of me and rows of flat- back) foreheaded academic sloths in quasi air-conditioned I've been trying to figure out why the summer shoe boxes, staring out the window at the session is so fine. I think WLUSU is trying to buy California-like days which would turn into some sense of unity for the Bedoin drifters of Co- NOTICE Yellowknife-like nights in my 16 and 17th years is op and part-time students. The trick is to blend in now gone the way of the 1000 word essay and the with Laurier's nomads.. attendance check. Secret 1) Dress like a business student. There I've transcended to the world of summer acci- not as conservative as they like to believe, I think SOMETHING dentia now and Club Med Laurier is just fine, wearing a suit all winter brings out the fashion thanks for askin'. animal in them. Khaki shorts and neon shirts, Ray- I figured out this week why the regular year is Bans are not optional. so boring. We have all the fun in summer session! Secret 2) Drink like a business student. Coors Personally I'm playing on two ball teams, have light, Molson Dry and lots of 'em. one free keg party just 3) a MISSING? had and another is around Secret Talk like biz-knob. They really do the corner of my sobriety. We have a BBQ or two get turned on by marginal propensities and asset this week, a Cruise next month, a cottage party and equilibrium. We need your Letters Thursday nites at the Turret....Oh yeah, the average With these three simple techniques you will fit age of Turret goers in the summer actually peaks right in and no one has to know you're just an artsy, above the age of majority in biz-wanna-be, to the Editor. the summer time. I be- and summer can be fun for you too. Type tf~ionn up (400 \A/orcls or loss, please) and drop thiem t>y Thie Cord sometime.

Our next issue is July 1 S. See you then. SCENEEDITOR: CHARLOTTE GRAVLEV TAKE THE LONG WALK HOME' by Jennifer Epps see whatall the fuss is about until been driving Odessa to work to make it real, but she presented faces off against a huge crowd of her brush with racism at its twice a week, even though it has the woman's early superficiality hostile white men. Miriam and This is the face of prejudice: ugliest is warded off by the proud been at her own convenience; on so profoundly that we're hesitant Odessa are both moved by their smiling, perfumed, cleanly defiance of her little brother days she is in town for the to accept the change. It's not new friendship, but the point of pressed in bright bright silks and (Richard Habersham). market. A rift develops between easy, after all, to cure prejudice. the love-in at the film's close is crackling crinolines. This is the Odessa daily trudges several the couple when Norman, at the In Do the Right Thing, Spike largely Odessa's gratitude. I liked face of prejudice: a mother hurry- miles to and from her job in sup- behest of his bigoted brother Lee argued that racism is so deep- it when Odessa blessed Miriam at ing her children on rather than port of the boycott. Her rela- Tunker (Dylan Baker), joins a seated it's always waiting to flare table and the other Cotters looked helping a black girl who is being tionship with the lady of the white male citizens' group aimed up at a moment's notice. But we resentful; we could have used threatened by white teenagers; house, Miriam Thompson, (Cissy at halting the boycott. Finally are supposed to consider more of that sort of veracity. this is the face of prejudice: fam- Spacek) is polite but strained. Miriam, chancing upon a small Miriam's about-face permanent. Odessa, it must be pointed out, is ily photos where the black hand Miriam is always dashing off to Christmas gift Odessa was too Wouldn't she be more likely to still the maid. Miriam has had her of the maid holding the toddlers some luncheon or meeting, leav- ashamed to give to Mary have to struggle with herself? eyes opened, but she's still the steady is all but forgotten in a ing rushed orders for Odessa and Catherine, has an epiphany. She Wouldn't she have to keep hear- boss. The film overlooks that in corner. This is the look and feel the other maid. Spacek portrays sees Odessa for the first time. ing that "clunk! "--the oppressor's its effort to emphasize Odessa's of prejudice in Richard Pearce's Miriam's self-centred security While Pearce contrasts the moment of horror-over and over forgiveness. Isn't this just a tamer beautiful The Long Walk Home: brilliantly; she isn't cruel or petty, cramped Cotter home with the again? version of the racist anxiety dis- deceptively civilized, quietly sub- but she speaks to Odessa as if she luxurious Thompson residence, The movie suffers from the played by Norman and Tunker- tle. doesn't really see her. The plot he also shows us the parallels be- same disease as so many others: this wish to be reassured that It is a film which focuses on the 1955 black bus boycott in Montgomery, Alabama, and which also gives us fleeting glimpses of an even bigger "big Far left: Whoopi Gold- picture", of how privilege, ig- berg walking the walk and fear feed off of norance, and in Richard Pearce's into each other, of how racism, classism, sexism, and ageism are The Long Walk Home. pieces of a whole. Far from a "politically correct" manifesto, The Long Walk Home is primarily a poignant story told with intelligence and grace. John Cork (himself born in Top right: Dwight Montgomery, but only 29 years Schultz and Sissy old) has constructed a script that, Spacek share a glare at least in the beginning, balances as husband and wife. the effects of racism on the op- pressed with the evidence of the thoughtless, everyday racism of the oppressors. Odessa Cotter, a hard-working maid, wife, and mother of three, is played with a Bottom right: Whoopi terse strength by Whoopi Gold- Goldberg and Lexi berg. Certain behaviours are re- Faith Randell, in quired of Odessa by her white the latest employers, the Thompsons, and this, by the segregated society, and release from Miramax though she complies, Goldberg Films. hints at how much Odessa holds back. There is a secret place in- side her, which she takes pains to protect; even with her loving, love touches on outside political tween Miriam and Odessa's expe- going out of its way to show blacks understand, need and boisterous family she keeps a whites and appreciate the events but revolves around the riences as women. Odessa returns white folks valiantly battling guard-rail around it. Pearce, who slightest magnanimity on their singular, inner event of Miriam exhausted after a long day and a racism. Cork's script does show did a mostly fine job directing part? coming to notice what had been long trek, her feet bleeding from more of the dignity and com- Jessica Lange in Country, posits greatest disappointment under her nose all the time. ill-fitting shoes, only to cook and plexity of its black characters The Odessa on the edges of every- is that Pearce and Cork don't fol- Miriam starts off tolerant, but un- clean all over again for her own than is usual in mainstream films thing, so that we are always own leads, go enlightened. When Odessa is family. Meanwhile, Miriam about civil rights. (Generally, pic- low their don't a'l wordlessly aware of how much the They give philosoph- kicked of a park by a cop, maintains a constant, ultra- tures like Mississsippi Burning, way. us the Thompsons take for granted. out icus interruptus. Nonetheless, Miriam insists he apologize; not feminine apperance-she is im- Betrayed, Cry Freedom, and The long walk of the title be- maculately coiffed and distress- Driving Miss Daisy exploit by the film comes closer and makes gins because Odessa is a human being when a flyer is circulated ingly thin—and she greets her simplifying.) Yet, we never see fewer compromises than most of among black labourers and stu- and should have the right to go husband at the door with a drink the transformation Odessa goes its kind, and its delicate vision of dents, calling them to where she pleases, but because upon and an offer to take his coat. The through. She's obedient and self- the interrelatedness of various boycott the Montgomery care of buses in Odessa was taking shot of Odessa, near the begin- effacing one minute, then a fully- systems of discrimination is strik- protest against of daughter, Mary the arrest Rosa Miriam's ning of the film, bowing her head sprung activist the next, all ready ing. There's a tip-of-the-iceberg Parks, who opened a can of Catherine, at time. After the the in submission to the cop evicting to march off and sing spirituals. feeling to the action because, of worms by atones, sitting in the whites- policeman perfunctorily her, is clearly echoed near the Her politicization takes a back course, the end of the movie is only front see a the incident section. We fair Miriam dismisses end, in the shot of Miriam lower- seat to Miriam's. just the beginning. And the title is amount of Odessa's home life with a free conscience. both in ing her eyes in demure accep- There's something about meaningful because Odessa the first half of the movie, and we It is only gradually, as the and Miriam are coming home to tance of her husband's lecture. these films designed to assuage can see that her stalwart, percep- boycott lengthens, that Miriam guilt. themselves through their per- Because what's right with collective white The Long tive spouse Herbert, a factory begins to think about the issues at Walk Home sacrifices its taste sonal, political journeys toward The Long Walk Home is so worker (played by Ving Rhames), all. Norman, her husband, a and for rousing, equality. The realistic detail of vivid, what's wrong with it is also credibility a shares her dedication to the wealthy businessman, (portrayed hand-holding finale in which a the film shows us just how much boycott. Odessa's teenage by Dwight Schultz) is furious clear. Miriam's transformation is group of black women, plus baggage society still needs to daughter (Erika Alexander) can't when he discovers that she has not quite believable; Spacek tries Miriam and Mary Catherine, shrug off along the way. THE CORD 14 SCENE MAY 3Q, 19^1 "YOU'RE A QUEER ONE JULIE JORDAN", BUT FUN

by Sylvia Chong In particular, the endearing role of Carrie Pip- peridge (Karen Wood), Julie's best friend, is played With a single, trumpeting fanfare, the 1991 with much relish and enthusiasm. Ms. Wood ex- Stratford Festival began. It will likely provide hibits a great sense of comedic timing and with a festival-goers with yet another strong season of en- strong, vibrant voice is able to belt out playful tunes tertaining, memorable theatre as indicated by the like "You're a Queer One, Julie Jordan" and "When opening performance of CAROUSEL. I Marry Mr. Snow". Other noteworthy per- This Rodgers and Hammerstein musical is the formances were given by Mrs. Mullins (Kate Hen- ill-fated love story of a young mill worker, Julie ning), the brassy carnival owner, Nettie Fowler Jordan, and handsome brash Billy Bigelow, a (Marsha Bay well), an earthy mother figure for carnival barker. Set in a New England fishing vil- Julie, Enoch Snow (Martin Spencer), Carrie's 'sah- lage, CAROUSEL'S Julie and Billy are ousted dine' selling husband, and Jigger Craigin (Michael from their jobs as a result of their relationship. Bil- Fawkes). ly and Julie wed but marital troubles soon plague Although the musical begins slowly at first, the couple as Julie is dismayed by Billy's unem- momentum is picked up considerably when the ployment and violent nature. A rowdy and un- characters of Jigger, Carrie and Mrs. Mullins ap- savoury soul, Jigger Craigin draws Billy into a rob- pear on stage. The production is brought to life bery scheme which will provide desperate Billy with fast-moving dance numbers by the sailors and with money to support his wife and unborn child. June girls who jig and reel their way into the hearts As a result of the botched robbery, Billy dies. of the audience. The dancing of Louise (Claire While in limbo, he is permitted to return to Earth to Rankin) ranged from light and refreshing, during perform one good deed. As a result, Billy chooses her beach scene, to poignant yet sensual in her to help his now 15 year old daughter, Louise, who number with the Carnival Boy (Daniel T. Nelson). is an outcast. At Louise's graduation ceremony, The latter dance number, choreographed by Billy is able to reach out to his daughter with words Brian Macdonald, was very well done. MacDonald of support giving both Louise and Julie the strength wears two hats for this production, as both to hold their heads high. CAROUSEL'S director and choreographer. This production of CAROUSEL is strong, en- Quick set changes and colourful costumes con- tertaining and often delightful. However in this tribute to transforming the stage into a carnival at- reviewer's opinion, an oversight may have been mosphere. A small but fully functional carousel, a made during the casting of leads: Julie Jordan (Al- dancing bear, calliope music, and strings of bright TO BE SCENE lison Grant) and Billy Bigelow (John Devorski). coloured lights, when combined with tum-of-the- Clearly the couple lacked necessary chemistry. The century, titillating yet quirky dancers, all help to at Twist tonight Tickets $24. individual performances of Billy and Julie were ex- draw Julie, and the audience into the world of Billy Air Supply The cellent and enjoyable but the absence of any pas- and the carousel. Eyecatching outfits of blues and sion between them prevented their performances, purples, and playful horse headpieces of the The Grope Toads pl|y Phil'sGrandson's Place tonight. and this production, from reaching its potential. carnival people, are the highlights of the interesting Julie possesses a beautiful, sweet voice which costumes in this production. Excellent set changes, The Draughtsman's Contract. "A stylish and bawdy worked particularly well with Billy's fine voice in not limited to the carnival setting alone, quickly and - (Bruce the duet, "If I Loved You". This number, as well as effectively turn the Festival stage into an island murder mystery about sex, manners and truth" ensemble numbers like the infectious "June is clambake and even Heaven. Williamson, Playboy), A special benefit of The Waterloo Bustn' Out All Over" and the touching "You'll All in all, solid performances by the leads and Regional Arts Council. Thursday May 30, 7 pm at The Never Walk Alone", combined with refreshing per- an exceptional supporting cast are reason enough to Princess Cinema. Admission $6. formances from secondary characters tended to see this Stratford production of CAROUSEL. compensate for the lack of chemistry between the CAROUSEL is now playing at the Festival lead couple. Theatre and runs until November 9. GREEN SCREENS four-night film festival on environ- mental topics. June 4th to 7th. Check Princess Cinemi film guide for complete schedule.

Central Ontario Exhibition at the Kitchener Memorial ATTENTION ... I Complex June 12 to 16. Admission $6 for Auditorium adults, $3 for Children 12 and under arid seniors. Pre- BUSINESS STUDENTS! schoolers admitted free. NOW, KINKO'S and EX are at UW's Bombshelter June IS MAKING YOUR INTEGRATED CASE 14th. EASIER! Sounds of Summer Music Festival. June 21, 22, 23. Waterloo Park. Live bands, crafts, food and beer tents.

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So for all your Integrated Case needs, visit your one-stop copy shop! kinko's the copy center So if you've been thinking about jumping on the environmental bandwagon and 170 University Avenue West 4 v. Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3E9 haven't had the chance, drop in and pick up a high quality used record or tape a amount (519) 746-3363 for minimal of money. (We also stock CDs,posters,mags etc). Fax: (519)746-8017 146 King St.W.,Kitchener, open 10 to 10 Mon-Sat., 743- 8315 T M E COR IZ> MAY 30, 199i SCENE 15 THE SCORPS FLIPPIN' ROCK by Tony Burke Look, there's AT THE DOME? the Dome. Holy "Winds of Change" alright. didn't know shit. See? It's right was It they were playin' are too weird, Hall's by the tower, didn't rock like all the other tunes too. They were man. A one-way conversation over- eh? It's like it's joined better than Great shadow to to it but it's kinda nice to put on when White, though. Three bands, man. heard on a Greyhound bus during Where do we get off? a couple you're with a babe. What a deal. a journey to Toronto to see Ger- Yeah. °f songs accom- ...yeah...They did quite a lot Too bad had to man hard rock band The Scor- Four hours we miss the by only another later... of stuff from Love at First Sting, catchin' bus, pions at the Sky dome, April 30. encore the eh? I /guitaristOates talked with the eh? Well, "Bad Boys Runnin' should be gettin' my Zedder rev* Aww man....! Whadya audience whereas Hall only think, Wild" n'...there were some others nin' on the weekend so 1 I can't wait, man. This is eh? Was I talked to it. The two songs Oates right? too, I think. don't have to take gonna be wild. Have you ever The best played, "Change of Season" and tune was "Tease Me, I dunno about that "I Can't fuckin' bus no seen the Scorps before? They're Please Me", "Only Love", allowed him to I thought. That's Explain" tune, man. Didn't some Some a' the fuckin' A, man. Oh wow. from their new show off his lower, more soulful album, eh? Yeah, sixties band do that? I dunno. people It's at the Dome, eh? Shit that I got on voice (as compared to Hall's high it on CD. Crazy World it's Who was that first band? these place is just ginormous. Yeah, I called. pitched but distinctive yelps). It That song about Russia, Trixter? They were alright, eh? I thine^ saw the Crue there last year. would be nice if Oates had a Yeah...it rocked. Have you ever chance to place his voice in the seen that place, man? It's huge. forefront more often. There's even a hotel in there, Of course there were the older eh?....yeah. tunes but they, too, had changed. D'you know who's openin' "Say It Isn't So", "Out of Touch", for the Scorps? Yeah, it's...um... "I Can't Go For That", and Whitesnake...no...Great White. "Maneater" had become They do that "Once Bitten Twice reworked soul numbers. Shy" tune. I saw them with Guns "Maneater" chugged and bounced n' Roses at the Ex once. They along helped out with a very cos- were o.k., y'know...they were al- mopolitan sax solo from Charlie right. Gn'R just kicked though. DeChant. "I Can't Go For That" them? got downright funky. Hall and Y'ever seen & yeah DARYL JOHN GET OLD Oates, funky? Is it so...? However, the direction of all Shit, man, this is gonna be Big Gone are the pithy but catchy These instruments created warm, these changes was revealed dur- good. Who's your favourite changes. little pop tunes with synthesizer rich sounds which were enhanced ing the encore. A cover of band? The Scorps will be after and Oates quips. In their place the are still pop by that rhythm and blues standby, Righteous Brothers' yuppie adult you see 'em, man. Yeah. were supposed songs but they have a more the Hammond organ. What contemporary favourite They got a great light show, -° "You've play but instead a grown up feel to them: not quite resulted were songs full of emo- eh? I heard from a buddy that named Lost That Lovin' Feeling" duo Daryl as fun or juvenile. Not as fluffy. tion and thickly layered with dif- they have this rig shaped like a pandered to the 35 and over Hall and John Oates per- More concrete and substantive. ferent textures of sound. A big scorpion moves, thick crowd-about 80% of the an' it formed. Please note the 'Daryl* More soulful. More rhythm and and earthy sound. eh? That's wild. audience. They crowd gave them and 'John' additions; sort of a blues. More adult contemporary New songs such as "Starting Didy'ever a standing ovation. see Rush'? new name for an old group. and less teeny-bopper. All Over Again", Guy "So Close" and While all the changes were show? No? Fuck by New name for a new crowd; The show itself was a change "Don't Hold Back Your Love" good, even great at times, they man it was not the teeny-bopper crowd this for the band. No electric instru- were performed Etherington with much more still lead to the same conclusion; band sold tonnes of records to in ments; no electric guitars intensity, incredible. or emotion and feeling in if you want to stay the eighties but an older synthesizers anywhere. successful Yeah. There were some crowd Instead concert than on the album. On the (keep making money) change with new tastes there were lots ./changes at the Centre in and interests. of acoustic gui- album these songs are good. Live, with your audience (give them Hence, a new album: tars, a stand-up bass, pianos, Change these songs are excellent. what they want) or you'll fail Square on April 22. Season. else of More changes. saxophone, cello and a violin. John Oates stepped out of the (fade into oblivion).

J CAPTURE yOUR mEMORIES • (fN • 1 * -ml I • I If F «n\tf !/tY 1"i >dVHiyKs I : ONLY $30 I yasi i : WATCH fORiT Mil j | or CONVOCATION l|i| { I tHE kEYSTONE yEARBOOK THE CORD 16 SCENE MAY 3Q, 1991 5,000,000 After a while you would figure that the novelty of Dread Zeppelin this band would grate on your nerves but I've listened to IRS Records their version of "Stairway" about 5,000,000 times and it still makes me laugh. This has to be heard. Bands who impose limits on themselves typically There are a few original cuts on the album but, for don't get very far. Eventually they reach a point where the most part, they're merely lyrically self-indulgent they can no longer progress and stagnation sets in. Well, throw-aways stringing together ripped off Led Zeppelin a band led by an Elvis impersonator that devotes its riffs. A weak cover of Bob Marley's "Stir It Up" com- energies to singing reggae versions of Led Zeppelin pletes the record. songs certainly doesn't leave itself much room for What Dread Zeppelin lack in talent and musicianship creativity. But I've got to admit they're a lot of fun. they try to make up with in humour and gimmickry. For For most listeners the first sample of the Dreads came now, they're succeeding; even ex-Zepp vocalist Robert

with their cover of "Heartbreaker". 5,000,000 continues Plant has admitted a fondness for this band - yet, he to bring us more bizarre Zeppelin covers with "The Song didn't like Kingdom Come and, as parodies go, they were Remains the Same", "When the Levee Breaks", "Misty even funnier. Mountain Hop", and the unforgettable "Stairway to - Tony Burke Heaven".

Hard at Play Stadium, Skydome geeks?). So their music changed. Huey Lewis and the News What do you expect? Now all you have to do is realize EMI Records USA that this is a good thing. It's natural. Now somebody tell Huey this. Hard at Play is a good album. It's not Sports, but it's Although this new record has good songs, they don't good. really mix well together. From the blue collar "Couple It seems that whenever Huey Lewis and the News Days Off' (with the San Francisco 49en offensive line release a new record, it immediately gets compared to singing minimal back-up) to the obligatory love ballad their 1983 musical blitzkrieg album, Sports. And why "We Should Be Making Love", the songs are all very dif- not? It sold nine million copies, hit number one, and had ferent. The album is not a concept thing, it's a rock and four top ten singles on it. The thing that people seem roll band putting together some good songs, and having a to forget, is that was almost ten years ago. That was their pretty good time doing it. third record. This is their sixth. If you like going to the Turret, don't buy this record. The band is not a big stadium band. They started If you like leaning back in a lawn chair under the sun playing in bars, and that's what their music used to be listening to some R&B based rock and roll, I could think tuned towards. That's what Sports was. But thanks to of worse investments. their phenomenal success, they were forced to play places -Woodv like Exhibition Stadium in Toronto (remember CNE

Free Arid it's nice. Rick Astley FREE has more live musicians and classical arrange- RCA/BMG Music ments, and the contributions of songwriter Michael Mac- Donald, Art of Noise's Ann Dudley, gospel star Andrae Rick Astley's FREE is "often slow and moody, filled Crouch and Elton John. They're all nice. with an urbane romantic joie de vivre". That's nice. They all do a nice job. The anthemic "Cry for Help" He says "I've called the album FREE because that, is particularly nice. Rick sings some nice words, too: to a great degree, is how I feel. The true Rick Astley, the "You light up my night and day/ You bring on the real Rick Astley, I don't think many people have seen sunshine/ You make me feel good today/ Yeah you yet". It shows in his new hair style — a casual, unbridled wonderful you". There's a lot of love in this album. And brown mane. Which is nice. That's him on the cover. He love is nice. looks nice. The record company has sent me a nice album to No longer a stock character of the Stock Aitken review. It's peaceful, easy-listening pleasure. Not too Waterman top- 40 hit factory, Astley has co-authored and threatening or intellectually taxing. And it's free. co-produced arecord that signals a departurefrom the su- -Steve Burke perficial dance songs that he has built his career upon.

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Offer valid for a limited time only at participating stores. No coupon necessary. SPORTS 1990-1991: Pictures A Look Back By Craig Boucher October 14- Veteran player Tony Marcotullio in- formed his teammates that Laurier basketball was no longer in his future, citing financial problems as a reason.

November 10- Led by Mark McCreary's five point night, the Hawkey Hawks thumped the Brock Badgers 7-2, improving their record to 3-2 and into first place.

November 11- For the second year in a row, the East shut down our avenue towards the National Final for the soccer Lady Hawks as Acadia beat them 2-1 in overtime.

Novemberls- The Golden Hawks men's volleyball squad faced their first true test of the season and lost 3-1 to the always tough Warriors.

November 21- The women's volleyball team im- proved to 4-1 by whipping Western in three games. Laura Cooke was simply awesome, totalling 18 kills and 8 stuff blocks.

February 12- The men's volleyball team lost con- secutive games to Brock and Waterloo, handing them their fifth defeat in a row and eliminating them from post-season play.

February 28- The Hawkey Hawks vaulted into the It was a very interesting year in sports at play-offs against Laurentian. The women's vol- Laurier. Some of our teams finished the 1990-91 leyball team also entered post-season play against season in disappointing fashion, while others con- the U ofT Blues. tinued to improve, prompting good fortunes for the up-coming year. This edition of the Cord will prob- February 29- The Lady Hawks basketball team fin- ably be read by a number of grads and I thought it ishes with a dismal 2-12 record in the OWIAA would be a great idea to jolt everyone's mind and West. Janice Field was selected to the West All- take a walk down the "Laurier" memory lane of Star team and sister Jen named league's Rookie of raced sporting events. November 30- The men's varsity squash team the Year. Western and lost all six games, but split their matches with Guelph. September 29- The Golden Hawk football team Hawks the sings the Blues and loses 32-14 in the annual January 7- The Hawkey outworked their second Homecoming game against the U. of T. Mustangs all night long handing them straight loss 5-2. The Hawks also lost the services for the season, he broke his leg September 29- Team play, intelligence and patience of Mike Maurice as from Laurier resulted in the Golden Hawks domi- against Regina. nating their match with Brock winning 1-0. January 15- The Lady Hawk Hoopsters' first road as they blew a seven point September 30- Nadine Scherberger led the Tennis game was a failure to Windsor and lost 47-45. Hawks with a 6-2, 6-2 victory against York and a 7- second-half lead 5, 6-0 win against Windsor. Jane Barnett aced her January Scott Simpson, the first year student way to success, dominating play over her opponent 24- skipped the curling team to from Windsor 6-2, 7-5. from Burlington, men's a 5-0 record at the West sectionals. October 1- The rookie Hawkey Hawks faced off February Laurier Hawkey Hawks pelted Ryerson next to the Waterloo Warriors and came away with 5- goalie Reid with sixty-six shots, but skated a nifty 4-3 win. Paul away with a shocking 9-6 loss. March 10- The Hawkey Hawks are officially eliminated by their rivals Waterloo Warriors in two games. Marc Lyons and Mike Maurice were selected to the West all-star squad.

March 17- My Toronto Maple Leafs are officially eliminated from the play-offs with a disappointing loss to the probable Stanley Cup Champions, Min- nesota North Stars.

That was a quick look back at the 1990-91 sea- son in the sporting world at WLU. March and April are now over and that means final exams have come and gone. It is now time to enjoy the summer months, watch some baseball on the tube and most of all, look forward to the 1991-92teams at Laurier. It should be a great year with, in my prediction, at least two teams winning the championship. THE CORD 18 SPORTS MAY 3Q, 1991 Faye, Give Buffalo An Expansion Team By Andrew Tamlin Petersburgh, Buffalo and Even though a Buffalo ican League. It would give With everything consider- others. But baseball fans in franchise would not be compe- fans a chance to see stars such ed, it would be a welcome these parts have to be rooting ting with either the Tigers or as Ryne Sandberg, Will Clark change if Buffalo was After years of booting the for Buffalo, if only for the Blue Jays, it would show or Eric Davis, plus George awarded a franchise. Now if issue of baseball expansion sentimental reasons. baseball fans that there is Bell and Fred McGriff in an- only Faye was listening... around, it now appears as if a baseball outside of the Amer- other uniform. The potential is definitely decision will be reached. An there for Buffalo to succeed as announcement is expected to a franchise. The minor be made by baseball league com- Buffalo Bisons are often sold missioner Faye Vincent in out while playing in a major mid-June that will award two Collecting $en$e league park. If Buffalo was National League franchises for able to obtain a baseball man, vast expansion in the last two the 1993 season. By Norm Hudson such as Whitey Herzog or years. It collecting was at one is a crapshoot at best in Larry Himes who could spear- As many of you know the Card considered innocent fun, and deciding which cities are front head the effort, respectability popularity of sports card collect- time pile money to runners among Denver, St. would be easily attainable. ing in Canada has undergone a it didn't take a of enjoy yourself with rectangular pieces of cardboard. Now it has turned into a craze. Cards nowadays are consider- ed more as an investment than a hobby. Individual cards are com- Basketball Payoff pared to high-risk penny stocks and wax boxes (unopened packs) are related to safer, blue chip By Tony Burke of money by through the raised the event came per- stocks. sona] sponsorships by Laurier students. High prices from the mark up The members of Sigma Chi demonstrated last Chris Hodnett, Director of K-W Access-Ability of dealers has deterred youngsters month that fraternities do more than the stercotypi- pleased event. was very about the After having from completing a substantial some contact with Sigma Chi in their bingo collection. An extensive amount to everything from boxing, car stunts. campaigns, Hodnett was confident that Mike Watt's of people think purchasing older racing, and golfing, to the War suggestion for a basketball game would be fruitful. in cards is their best investment. the Persian Gulf. W Access-Ability, a charity organization com- "We're really interested in changing the 'animal New cards can triple in value This leads to the question mitted to those with special needs, in a wheel-chair house' perception of fraternities," Watt, of Mike over a period of one month just saturation, basketball game with the Twin City Spinners. market and those of from the performance of the indi- you who think that the market . vidual and the quantity of the will crash, think again. Young- down to a proud defeat against the more experien- to help out local charities through bingo halls and ced cards. sters have been card collecting There are seven different for eighty the teams were out there to win; they played to en- over years and will v manufacturers of hockey cards. continue to collect for the fun of : V " ULI i Cards are being printed pertaining it.

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By Craig Boucher against each other and this series should help the Pens turn the red Pittsburgh and Minnesota both woke up. Pittsburgh won the next could prove destined for the light on against Minnesota. have had different paths to the four games and now faced Min- record books. The Stanley Cup The Minnesota North Stars are Stanley Cup Final. Pittsburgh was nesota for the Stanley Cup. The Stanley Cup Final fea- should produce a lot of excite- the amazing story so far in the forced to seven games by New Minnesota, on the other hand, tures the surprising Pittsburgh ment, especially in the offensive play-offs. Minnesota is lead by a Jersey before eliminating them at had a much harder path to the Penguins and the up-start Min- end. gangster of players including the Igloo. Next came the Wash- final. Their first-round opponent nesota North Stars. The series pits Mario Lemieux leads the Brian Bellows, Dave Gagner and ington Capitols who the Penguins was the Chicago Black Hawks, American-based teams Penguins into the series against Neal Broten. Veterans Bobby demolished in five games to win the first-place team overall in two their first-ever against one another for the first the North Stars. Lemieux is now Smith and Brian Propp also have Patrick Division REGULAR season play. No one time since 1981. Both teams are completely satisfied with his play scored the much-needed goals Crown. The Boston Bruins now gave Minnesota a chance to win on a roll heading to the finale, and has almost reached the 100% throughout the play-offs. Jon stood in their way for a berth in the series, little alone win one with each team looking for the performance level. Kevin Stevens Casey leads the North Stars in net their first Stanley Cup. The game. Minnesota played decisive home-ice advantage. and Mark Recchi also have had and has already won at least five Bruins won the first two games of determined, tough hockey and These teams stack up great terrific play-off performances and games just by himself. their series before Pittsburgh eliminated Chicago in six games. Next came the second-place St. Louis Blues and the Golden Brett. Minnesota beat the Blues at their own game and won the defensive City Madness series in six games. Minnesota Motor would let no one ruin their dream MY COLUMN By Craig Boucher season, not even the defending champions. Edmonton found out My Tigers should lead the Major Leagues in several categories that the North Stars were for real and also give those Blue Jays and Red Sox a run for the A.L. East and bowed out without much of a Pennant. That sound you hear coming from Tiger Stadium is fight in five games. whooosh. With power-hitting Cecil Fielder, Rob Deer, Mickey Heading into the Stanley Cup Tettleton and Pete Incaviglia leading the way, the Tigers should easi- Play-offs, most so-called experts ly break the single-season record for strikeouts (1203) set by the 1968 were predicting Calgary vs. Bos- New York Mets. The Tigers should also lead the league in home runs ton or Edmonton vs. Montreal. I and runs batted in. On the other end, Tiger pitching will probably was rooting for the Los Angeles yield the most home runs and have the highest earned run average. Kings all the way, for the obvious Go Tigers!!!! personal reason of a player named Wayne Gretzky bringing My two-time champion Pistons just barely scraped by the first- the Cup to sunny, California. A round of the play-offs with a narrow five game win over the persis- sixteenth place team and a sixth tent Atlanta Hawks. Now they had to face the Boston Celtics on the place team. Who knows, maybe ever famous Boston Barden Parquet floor. Trailing two games to one, my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs now at home in the Palace, the Pistons rallied at home and in game may very well have been playing five back in Boston. The Pistons now look poised to dethrone the for the Stanley Cup today. Celtics to set up the much-anticipated re-re-re-match against Michael Minnesota and Pittsburgh. Jordan and his Chicago Bulls. Whomever emerges from that series Recchi and Tinordi. Barasso and will have the inside track on the championship. Casey. Who would have thought Tripeat Pistons!!!! it?

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