Words of Wisdom: Hin a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity." 6 VIEWS - Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005) 25 February 2005 The Tulane Hullabaloo Opinion of the 'Tulane Hullabaloo' Harbinger Who is Michael Lewis? Harry Hany's pretty much It is the opinion of the "Tulane and his latest book, "Moneyball," adds lat.er, less than emphatically, As for the part of Tulane stu- lost all faith in leader- Hullabaloo" that the choice of enjoys universal positive criticism "we are always open to student rec- dents, the "Hullabaloo," responding ship ... not that he had a A.o Michael Lewis as Tulane by those editorializing on ommendations of commencement to their oveiwhelmingly negative lot to begin with. tu lane University's class of 2005 com- Amazon.com, as well a<; b1isk sales speakers." reactions to President Cowen's He congratulates whoever the incom- mencement speaker is strikingly in the university bookstore. The "Hullabaloo," noting the announcement, reminds them of the ing USG president will be, as well the few dozen friends who came out and voted. inappropriate. Tulane, which is Nevertheless, we find President difficulty of winning a speaker of recent commencement debacle at Hany can't help but shrug his shoulders hullabaloo quickly becoming a nationally rec- Cowen' s claim that Lewis is among venerable character, nevertheless Villanova University. Strident and agree with the apathy that pervades finds this answer less than com- protests rang out when the presi- ognized world-class institution, the "most astute observers of our campus because no matter what the pres- Volume 95 Issue 18 dent of Villanova announced that deserves a commencement speaker time" to be dubious at best. And if pelling, particularly the addendum ident thinks, he won't make a difference. of equal caliber. This newspaper the '"Hullabaloo" had a choice on about student participation. This Big Bird would deliver remarks at (Don't like a $275 new orientation fee? Jaclyn Rosenson finds it morose that President the matter, a different speaker newspaper knows of no one, off- that university's commencement. Fine, we'll make it $400 and hide it under hand, who felt the university was The students, whose general senti- Editor-in-Chief Cowen, in his announcement e- would have almost certainly been a different fee.) mail to the student<;, had to clarify preferred. Which begs the question, particularly receptive to their opin- ment wa<; that a more intellectually Despite the uselessness of student Sasha Redman rhat our speaker is, indeed, not the why weren't we asked? ions on the matter. In fact, it seems significant figure should close their leaders. Hany can think of a couple other Production Manager "Beerman" of the New Orleans The process for securing a com- as though that particular addition educational careers, were genuinely organizations gasping for new blood at the Saints. mencement speaker is no doubt dif- was included in order to hedge stu- quieted by what has been universal- top: the Holy Roman Catholic Church and Margaret Brooke The "Hullabaloo'' finds it<;e)f ficult. As Vice President of dent criticism of an unpopular ly described as an enlightening the Tulane men's basketball team. Business Manager unimpressed by Lewis' previous University Communications choice. speech, made by the 8-foot avian's No offense to God's infallible ambassa- work. His articles, available to the Deborah Grant said in an e-mail It would not be a difficult task to "handler," actor Carroll Spinney. dor on earth, but Hany thinks it might be Meera Unnithan Tulane student on Lexis-Nexis. response to the "Hullabaloo's" involve student opinion in this This newspaper has decided to time to make a change at the Holy See. He Main Section Editor range from a decidedly uninspired questions on the subject: selecting a process. The Ohio State University, place its faith in Michael Lewi , suggests someone who can speak and/or walk. "Los Angeles Times" piece about commencement speaker is a com- many times larger than Tulane, though the '·Hullabaloo" still feels Christopher Johnson No offense to Rick Dickson, but petitive process with thousands of charges much of the task of secur- that it ha<; no choice but to, and Chief Copy Editor the pointlessness of church atten- Hany's pretty damn sure it's time to make looks foiward to a stimulating clo- dance to a decidedl:y banal ·'New schools vying for the handful of top ing a commencement speaker with a change at Fogelman. He suggests some- Natalie Cox York Times" treatment of post-9/11 speakers. its enormous student body. The sure to our time at Tulane one who stomps less, wins more and has ''arcade" Editor patriotism. However, this editorial But who decides who these "Hullabaloo" feels a system like University. The '·Hullabaloo" a manlier voice. will not focus on Michael Lewis' speakers are? According to Grant, this would be far more appropriate, thanks him for donating his time - Sarah Wallace ability as a journalist. "the decision is made by the presi- and would, in the least. not leave he is appearing free of charge - and Harbinger Harry lives on the ninth floor Advertising Manager The "Hullabaloo" openly dent in consultation with board students scratching their heads and reminds him that we expect nothing of Butler, as close to God as you can get admires many of the journals which members, senior administrators and wondering as to their speaker's less of him than what fits Tulane's without being in that hell known as Lindsay Michel have chosen to publish his work. commencement organizers." She identity. reputation. Monroe. Personnel Director

David Murphy Network Administrator Letter to the editor Jordan Hadas Big booty, big heart Online Editor What election? toward slim perfection. curves. They lead to the illogical. Kat It is redundant and pointless to rail brutal anguish of eating disorder. or Dear Editor, Stromquist against the media for their unfair merely several weeks in sweatpants ｾ As one of Tulane· s many students studying abroad tlus year, depictions of the ideal female form. out of shame over the size of your Leah Barber...... Co-Edic or I am disappointed at the failure of Undergraduate Student To observe finely tuned specimens Public outcry has not lead to a figure. It is no small wonder that the Christina Le ...... AssL Edicor Government to inform students of this week's executive cabinet of the female form, one needs venture decrease in tabloid spreads concerning mental association bet\\een ｴ ｨ ｩ ｮ ｮ ･ ｾ ｳ ｾ elections. only as far as the Reily Recreation actresses with cellulite. Today. the and self-respect has been made. It is Jason Lieser ...... Editor No e-mail notification was sent via the Uptown Student list- Center. Lithe girls with toned legs. greatest criticism should be of the difficult to present your ·elf as a Chris Burcham ...... Asst. Editor serv. Considering that Tulane Webmail is the onl) official media· s perpetuation of the myth that happy. desirable. wonderful woman Suhas Subramanyam ...... staff ruddy faces and Tulane-branded water means of university communication, the only appropriate means bottles subtly compete against one size doesn't matter. Claims that self- without it. Views of keeping all students infonned would be through the universal another on treadmills. The results are worth can be achieved without an There is little this article can do to Daniel Mezzanotte ...... Edicor listserv. I noticed that this was done for the recent ASB election. evident throughout campus. Girls exquisitely proportioned figure are alter these things. but I invite you. Kat Stromquist ...... Asst. Edicor Additionally. I did not receive any notification from Tulane sport the rounded biceps of tennis promptly contradicted by much media even for one da). to take a stand Aaron Fox ...... Cartoonisc College. even though individual college Jistservs were estab- players and tight pants in the single- content. Frail figures are championed again. t them. Do things that ha\e Editini lished several weeks ago ('"Hullabaloo,., Feb. 4). The USG Web digit size range. They '•fea5r" upon in the name of "health" and ''taking intrinsic value. thing. that are nvt Drew Dickson ...... Staff Copy Editor site was no help either, having been in disarray all year. salads and sushi at the Bubble and care of one's body." based on fear of judgment. Skip the Ste,ie Wllllams...... Writing and Editing I on1y found out about the e1ections by a random visit to Our peers jom force with the ｧ ｹ ｭ ｾ paint a picture. Go for a walk i Bryan Co\e...... Sports Copy Editor maintain their rigid slenderness. It's a the ''Hullabaloo's" Web site. where I read its endorsement for remarkable disp1ay of fitness and ruth- media monster to support this fiction. the wood instead of a dogged, circu- Production USG president. I then read more about the election campaign less self-control. We point out the heavy girl in the shirt lar run. Order the fries when you want Jennifer Leslie ...... Mam Section Editor by logging onto thefacebook.com. It is not the responsibility The value of this exhibition, this thafs too small to our friend and gig- them. In fact, order the whole pizza. Jimmy Maruna"arcade·· Layout Editor Marta Dehmlow ...... Asst. Main Layout of the '·Hullabaloo'' or a collegiate social network, however, silent war on flab and soft, ovoid love gle about ic. We accompany our Imagine the things that women could Danielle Kamor...... Asst. Main Layout to publicize USG elections. handles, is uncertain. It makes for a friends to the gym, in a tense and do if all the energy invested in main- Lauren Alessi ...... Asst. ··arcade" Layout Executive Vice President Katie Halley (who conducts slim and hale student body, but vague race toward the waitlike. We taining the status quo body t)pe was Eve Buckwalter .. As\t. "arcade'" l..a)'OUt elections), Vice-President for Public Affam Marta Dehmlow beyond that, what is it good for? listen to male friends and ｢ ｯ ｹ ｦ ｲ ｩ ･ ｮ ､ ｾ put into creati\e projech. dan ing to Kim Borneman ...... A'5t. Ads. Layout (who publicizes USG event.<;), and college senators (who aid Different reasons are cited for our ridicule girls who have gained weight. rnu:ic and maintaining friend. hip: Photoeraphy their constituents) failed to inform all student<; of the elec- population's compulsive slenderness. Those girls, the .. fat girls."' are the which are fraying. · Lee Saxon ...... Editor tions. This is not right. Girls enumerate them often: fear of hapless victims of our young culture. You may never learn to love ) our Andrea Jumonville...... Assoc. Edicor Leslie Franlcel...... Asst. Editor In future. I would recommend that notice of the elections teasing, health and. that most elusive They are perceived as lazy. dirty. body. You may never stop panicking Lisa Frankel...... Asst. Editor be given one week in advance of and on the week of the elec- of intangibles, self-respect. It is dis- asexual. It isn't vicious enough to be and heading for the gym after the hol- Ned Dishman ...... senior staff tions via the Uptown Student listserv; that senators send out couraging that such a valuable attrib- referred to as faL you must also carry idays. You may never stop snickering notices on their Ii tservs at least one week in advance of an ute is being cheapened by this associ- the stigma of being worthless. We at the chubby girl v. ho ·its m the back Advertisine election, and that the USG Web site be regularly updated to ation. question how they could bear to be the of the ｣ ｬ ｾ ﾷ Ｍ ［ Ｌ Ｎ But engagement in other Laura Cox ...... Asst. Emily Harrison ...... Distribution reflect current and upcoming events. The USG Web site Self-respect should not be earned girl who shops in the plus-size section. thing may teach that your elf-re.peel Ashley Jacobson ...... staff should also provide links to candidate platforms, which can through a fight to stay within the Whatever ense of self-worth she may hould come from deeper. more potent Minna Koo...... staff currently be viewed only during a vote, which does not pro- petite size range. have is nullified, invalidated. She is ource than the way you look in a Kaitlin Mallory ...... staff vide adequate time for reflection by students without access Our female students suffer from the fat. bathing uit. Someday you may learn Peter Young...... staff ｾ ｴ ･ ｲ ･ ｯ ｴ ｹ ｰ ･ ｳ Ｌ Sabine Schaefers...... staff to print copies of the "Hullabaloo." mocking influence of mixed mes- These these malicious that you are y,orth far more than the I hope that my ad,ice will be helpful so that.students study- sages. It is possible to read about rea- conceptions, are difficult to escape. \\eight and size of your component ing abroad or away from Tulane will not be disenfranchised in sons to love one's body the way it is They lead to tearful moments in the parts. USG elections. and ways to lose those last 10 pounds dressing room in which you realize ''Tulane Hullabaloo" on the same page in a fashion maga- you've outgrown the size you nor- Kat Stromquist is a Newcomb col- Room 25 Tulane University Center Yours respectfully, New Orleans. LA 70118 zine. They are reminded that every- mally wear. They lead to that endless lege junior and the alsistant views www.theHullabaloo.com Evan Sparks one's body is different and unique but running, trying to sweat and punish editor. She can be reached for com- junior, Tulane College always, always, are encouraged away any hint of natural womanly mem at [email protected]. Contact Information Advertising (504) 865-5656 Editorial (504) 865-5657 FAX (504) 862-3394 e-mail: [email protected] Lincoln's legacy lives Who's in the • • •

tion that it would secede from the For that he should be commended Pe nth Deadline for letters to the edi- Kuna/ Union should he win. Upon hear- more than once a year. tor is Monday at 2 p.m. Send the Verma Outhouse letters to [email protected] or ing this, Lincoln continued on the Lincoln's legacy lives on bring hard copies to the office. campaign trail and actually deliv- today, so should his message It seems ironic lo me that our Please limit letters to approxi- ered a speech in Charleston, S.C. along with his virtue. One hun- most forgotten holiday, mate!)' 400 words. The Lincoln had a vision of a com- dred forty years after his tragic Presidents· Day. coincides with "Hullabaloo'' reserves the right plete Union, of free men. free martyrdom, his values live on the birthday of perhaps our most to edit, abridge or reject any let- from petty differences. That is the among us. Can you think of an revered president, Lincoln. ter. Letters addressing recent more perfect union we continue to American icon more deserving of Without anyone really noticing, "Hullabaloo" issues will be strive toward today. Despite the our adulation? We live in a day Presidents· Day passed this given precedence over those fact that he received many death and age where the game of poli- Monday; school was open and it rebutting other letters. Letters threats from angry Southerners, tics, at it's various levels, gets was business as usual. must be signed and include Lincoln diligently fought lo keep downright ugly at times. We've In retrospect, it's probably one phone number and e-mail the South. He had every reason to progressed to a place where the of those days that isn't properly address. In cases of possible hate the South, to let Louisiana candidate who casts the most marked and is difficult to observe. harm to the author, names will and the rest of the Confederates stones is the winner, the colleague How many people are genuinely Jacques Chirac The French nou- be withheld at editor's discretion go. but he stated boldly. "Our who has the last word prevails. excited about our president? I'd Union, we must preserve it," and and those m the right are often veau-Neville Chamberlain if authorship can be confirmed. Webmail: Tech Services guru 'v:enture to guess not too many. he did. shut out. In an organization, in claimed that the United.States John Lawson has apologized for Lincoln's birthday, Feb. 12, Lincoln preached a love for his politics, in life we are bound by and France have Halways had The ·'Tulane Hullabaloo·· is pub- the crappy service in an e-mail lished every Friday of the academic year stands for something greater than country and his fellow man to no an unwritten contract of humani- very warm relations." The inter- except for holidays and exam periods. that to me. It stands for every- end. His genuine belief in the ty, "With malice toward none, view was then cut short when his earlier this week. For students Staff Editorial opinions represent the thing he stood for, civic virtue, good of humanity was his most and charity for all,'' as he put it. pants abruptly caught on fire. who couldn't receive that e- views of the editorial board, am.I are nol integrity and equality. Good ol' remarkable trait. Lincoln himself Perhaps we should remember the mail, he also apologized via the expressed views of Tulane University The Tulane "Hullabaloo": Despite or its Board of Administrators. Opinion honest Abe. believed that above all else it was way it used to be, the way it smoke signal. a federal holiday and a billion columns reflect the views of the individ- Lincoln· s character was his responsibility as a part of soci- should be. For teaching us that, I midterms between us, our team ual writers. defined b:y his moral code; he was ety to live life with integrity. For propose a toast. on his l 96th Rumors ofShawn Finney's con- Subscriptions are available for $50 a statesman before a polttician, of crack journalists still persisted tract extension: If Tulane is for the academic year. this reason he refused to tell a lie, birthday, to President Lincoln. in putting this paper out ... we're but above all a gentleman. rewarding this kind of failure, The ·Tulane Hullabaloo" is funded he refu ed to back down from sorry. by advenising revenue. There's plenty we can learn from what he believed, and he refused Kuna/ Verma is a Tulane my grade in calculus should be The tirst two issue-\ of the paper are our beloved 16th president, most to allow the greater good to fall College junior majoring in eco- a little higher. free. Each additional copy is $0.50. Milford, Neb.: After four months, The ''Tulane Hullabaloo·· is printed specifically how he stayed true to victim to evil. Lincoln gave to his nomics and political science. He and much to the relief of locals, by Dixie Weh Graphics. his ethics in the face of potential- country what he himself once welcomes your comments and they've finally managed to extin- Paris Hilton's cell phone: Oh! So The "Tulane Hullabaloo.. subst'ribes ly overwhelming adversity. South referred to at Gettysburg as "the loves getting e-mails at kver- guish a fire raging in a 2,000-ton that's why the paparazzi keep to the KRT news wire. Carolina declared before the elec- last full measure of devotion." [email protected]. pile of shit. Google it. calling me!