KOKONUT ISLAND Book by Tim Kelly Music and Lyrics by Bill Francoeur

KOKONUT ISLAND Book by Tim Kelly Music and lyrics by Bill Francoeur

© Copyright 2000, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. under the title “Kokonut Kapers” Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155. All rights to this musical—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given. These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.

ONE SCRIPT PER CAST MEMBER MUST BE PURCHASED FOR PRODUCTION RIGHTS. COPYING OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear: 1. The full name of the musical 2. The full name of the playwright and composer/arranger 3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado”

KOKONUT ISLAND A Krazy Komedy In One Act Book by TIM KELLY Music and Lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR CAST OF ISLAND CHARACTERS (In Order of Speaking) # of lines EARL ...... teenage son of Cordelia Hawkins 43 ROY BOY ...... teenage son of Maw Cawawkee 35 MAW CAWAWKEE ...... island citizen; colorful character 70 CORDELIA HAWKINS ...... owns Kokonut Island 120 SWAMPY ...... walking cartoon pirate 83 BETTY ...... teenage daughter of Cordelia 38 SUKY ...... teenage daughter of Maw Cawawkee 38 EVA PARKER ...... newlywed 50 TED ...... Eva’s husband 47 MABEL CARPENTER ...... nurse 16 LOUISE RUSSELL...... another 17 TOM SCRIMSHAW ...... boat pilot 46 MILDRED HUTTON ...... insurance representative 21 MICKEY ...... teenager 35 BUDDY ...... another 32 LYNNE SMITH ...... another 40 VICKIE SNOW ...... another 34 MRS. CRAWFORD ...... socialite 23 VANESSA ...... her daughter 30 WALCOTT DRAKE ...... shady character 55 BARBARA DRAKE...... another 56 CAPTAIN KIDD ...... ghost pirate 23 PETTY OFFICER JONES ... Coast Guard 11 LIEUTENANT SUTTON ...... Coast Guard 16 MRS. SMITH ...... Lynne’s mother 11 MRS. SNOW ...... Vickie’s mother 10 MILLICENT WARREN ...... educator 14 WINIFRED HOLMES ...... educator 16 EXTRAS ...... can be utilized as additional students For preview only SETTING The action takes place on Kokonut Island, off the coast of Florida. UPSTAGE is a small three-sided thatched hut. The fourth side is open to the audience. Inside is a desk and chair LEFT, a small refreshment table UP CENTER and a chair RIGHT. There is a dressing screen UPSTAGE of desk. A sign somewhere on the crude structure reads: HOSPITALITY HUT. A wooden bench is outside. We see another bench DOWN LEFT and another DOWN RIGHT in the clearing. Some tropical (meaning brightly-colored) shrubs are here and there. One of the shrubs is large enough to hide behind. An optional backdrop would prove effective, showing a jungle forest or an ocean view. The FORESTAGE represents various locales on the island. TIME: The present.

For preview only SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS

MC 1 Kokonut Island Prologue �� Maw Cawawkee & Company MC 2 Beware of Devil’s Island �� Mabel/Louise/ Cordelia/Maw Cawawkee/Ted/Eva MC 3 A Graduate of Kokonut High �� Vickie/Lynne/ Buddy/Mickey/ Chorus MC 3a Kokonut Island — Reprise �� Islanders/Students MC 4 The Ghost of Captain Kidd �� Captain Kidd/ Swampy/Pirates/ Wenches MC 4a The Ghost of Captain Kidd — Reprise �� Swampy/Captain Kidd MC 5 Little Wahini Baby �� Buddy/Mickey/Roy Boy MC 5a Chase Music �� Instrumental MC 5b A Graduate of Kokonut High — Reprise �� Vickie/Lynne/ Buddy/Mickey/ Chorus MC 6 Kokonut Island Epilogue �� Company

MC 7 Curtain Call �� Instrumental

For previewiv only KOKONUT ISLAND

PROLOGUE

AT RISE: As the HOUSELIGHTS come DOWN, we hear the SOUNDS of OCEAN WAVES crashing and of SEAGULLS [SFX on CD]. MUSIC CUE 1: “Kokonut Island Prologue.” The ENTIRE COMPANY, with the exception of CAPTIAN KIDD, is ONSTAGE. SPOTLIGHT UP on MAW CAWAWKEE.

MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sings.) Island—come to Kokonut Island. Life is simple and easy, In this tropical land. Island—come to Kokonut Island. Life—it’s sultry and breezy, Live de life while you can. (LIGHTS UP FULL to reveal COMPANY.) COMPANY: (Sings.) Island—come to Kokonut Island. All de day we got sunshine, Water blue as de sky. Hey you, come to Kokonut Island. Promise you gonna feel fine, Friend, let me tell you why. WOMEN: (Sing.) Palm trees—we got plenty of palm trees, Sandy beaches and jungles, All for you to explore. MEN: (Sing.) Laughter—we got plenty of laughter, People playing together. ALL: (Sing.) You will find anywhere you go you’ll love de Island—come to Kokonut Island. Far away on de ocean, Somewhere out of de way. Hey you, come to Kokonut Island. Drink de magical potion, You’ll be wanting to stay. MEN: (Sing.) Music—we got plenty of music. Hear the drums in de forest, Softly filling de air. WOMEN: (Sing.) Romance—we got plenty of romance, All alone in de moonlight. ALL: (Sing.) Find somebody to share this moment on de Island, come to Kokonut Island. For preview1 only Life is simple and easy, In this tropical land. Come now, come to Kokonut Island. Life, it’s sultry and breezy, Live de life while you can. Live de life while you can. Live de life while you can! (At end of song, the COMPANY EXITS RIGHT and LEFT. LIGHTS DOWN as the SOUNDS of BIRDS and WAVES return.) END OF PROLOGUE

Scene One

LIGHTS UP: We hear the SOUND of BOAT’S HORN or WHISTLE from OFF LEFT. The SOUND is repeated several times.

EARL’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Come on, Roy Boy. Boat’s in! ROY BOY’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) I heard. I got ears. (EARL ENTERS RIGHT, followed by ROY BOY. Both are in their late teens. [NOTE: Consult PRODUCTION NOTES for costume suggestions.] EARL is intelligent and clever. ROY BOY is slow and lazy. They move in front of the Hospitality Hut.) EARL: It’s the Island Grasshopper. I bet there are at least 20 guests on board. ROY BOY: You always talk like that, Earl. Only trouble is you’re almost never right. EARL: You got to think positive, Roy Boy. ROY BOY: I wish I didn’t have to think at all. I’d rather be trapping water birds or fishing. EARL: I’d rather be carrying luggage for guests. Money in the bank. ROY BOY: You’re practical. I ain’t. (EARL quickly EXITS LEFT. ROY BOY sits on the bench outside the Hospitality Hut. He yawns noisily and stretches his arms.) What a day. It’s sleeping weather. MAW CAWAWKEE: (ENTERS RIGHT. She wears an old dress and a battered straw hat.) Roy Boy Cawawkee! What are you doing sitting there? ROY BOY: Aw, Maw. MAW CAWAWKEE: Didn’t you hear the boat whistle [horn]? ROY BOY: Aw, Maw.

For preview2 only MAW CAWAWKEE: Them tourists can’t be expected to carry their own luggage. ROY BOY: What tourists? MAW CAWAWKEE: No backtalk. ROY BOY: Aw, Maw. You’re always picking on me. Why can’t Suky help with the luggage? MAW CAWAWKEE: Suky’s got enough to do. Get off that bench and get on down to the pier. ROY BOY: Aw, Maw. MAW CAWAWKEE: You heard me. (Reluctantly, ROY BOY gets up and starts to move LEFT.) You can walk faster than that. You ain’t no sea turtle. ROY BOY: Aw, Maw. MAW CAWAWKEE: (Takes a threatening step toward him.) Scat! ROY BOY: (Knows better than to challenge his mother.) I’m on my way, Maw! (EXITS LEFT.) MAW CAWAWKEE: (To no one in particular.) Roy Boy’s got a good heart, but he’s lazy. Just like his paw. CORDELIA’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) That you, Maw Cawawkee? MAW CAWAWKEE: It’s me. CORDELIA: (ENTERS RIGHT. She is a pleasant middle-aged woman.) I thought I heard you talking to Roy Boy. MAW CAWAWKEE: I sent him on down to the pier. CORDELIA: I hope the guests didn’t change their minds and go someplace else. MAW CAWAWKEE: You mean like the last time? CORDELIA: And the time before that. If I didn’t know better I’d suspect there was a curse on Kokonut Island. If only that hurricane hadn’t struck. MAW CAWAWKEE: There’s nothing a person can do about a hurricane. When it wants to hit, it hits. CORDELIA: Only I wish it hadn’t hit quite so hard. (SWAMPY creeps IN from DOWN RIGHT, looking over his shoulder as if he expects an attack. He looks like he hasn’t had a bath since the Titanic sank. With long, snarly hair, a long beard and gnarled hands, he is dressed in tattered rags and a pirate hat. He has a sword and pistol in his belt and wears an eye patch. There is a [stuffed] parrot on one shoulder. He is a walking cartoon pirate.) SWAMPY: Hi, ho, me fancies. What’s for lunch? CORDELIA: Hello, Swampy. SWAMPY: (Indicates parrot.) Ain’t you got no kind word for Captain Barnaby?

For preview3 only CORDELIA: (Humoring him.) Hello, Captain Barnaby. Nice to see you again. SWAMPY: (Pretends to imitate the parrot’s voice.) Caw-caw. Hello, me pretty. (He bends his shoulder, which makes it seem as if the stuffed toy is actually moving.) MAW CAWAWKEE: Where you been, Swampy? Haven’t seen you in over a month. For all we knew, you might have been swept away in the hurricane. SWAMPY: Nope. BETTY: (ENTERS RIGHT with SUKY.) All the huts are swept out and made up with fresh linen, Mom. SUKY: And I made sure the soap dishes were scrubbed clean, Mrs. Hawkins. CORDELIA: That’s nice, Suky. Guests don’t like a scummy soap dish. A scummy soap dish can give a place a bad reputation. BETTY: We did hear the whistle from the Island Grasshopper, didn’t we? SUKY: I’m sure we heard it. MAW CAWAWKEE: Who are you girls trying to fool? You’re not interested in a boat whistle. You’re interested in the sailor who pilots the Island Grasshopper, Tom Scrimshaw. (BETTY and SUKY sigh.) SUKY: Well, Maw, you have to admit he’s kind of good-looking. And he’s awfully clever. BETTY: He knows so much about the world. He’ll make some girl a wonderful husband. MAW CAWAWKEE: Sailors usually do. Don’t forget, sailors have been a part of Kokonut Island for centuries. SWAMPY: So have pirates. CORDELIA: And hurricanes. ALL: What an island! SWAMPY: Don’t you want to know what I’ve been doing? CORDELIA: What have you been doing? SWAMPY: What I always do. Dig for treasure. (OTHERS laugh.) Go on and laugh if you want. But one day ole Swampy here will strike it rich. I’ll be the one who’s laughin’ then. (Beat.) I’m hungry. CORDELIA: You’ll have to wait for your lunch. SWAMPY: How come? CORDELIA: Guests are arriving. SWAMPY: Guests are arriving, so ole Swampy has to wait for his lunch? ‘Tain’t fair.

For preview4 only BETTY: I’m heading to the pier. (She EXITS LEFT.) SUKY: So am I. (She EXITS LEFT.) SWAMPY: It’s no way to treat a poor ole pirate. CORDELIA: Stop complaining. You know perfectly well you’re not an old pirate. SWAMPY: (Speaks.) I am too. I’m almost three hundred years old. (He indicates parrot.) Ask Captain Barnaby if you don’t believe me. (Imitates parrot’s voice.) Swampy’s right. He’s almost three hundred years old. Caw, caw. (As himself.) That’s right, me fine lady, I was a pirate, proud and true... CAPATAIN BARNABY: (Of course, this too is SWAMPY, imitating parrot.) Three hundred years a pirate! SWAMPY: No one was closer to me heart than good ole Captain Kidd! CAPTAIN BARNABY: Aye! Good ole Captain Kidd! CORDELIA: Swampy, you and I both know that parrot isn’t real. SWAMPY: (Pointing to his own head, meaning “He’s real to me.”) Ah, he’s real all right. (NOTE: In his delusional state, SWAMPY truly believes the parrot is real. ) Captain Barnaby’ll tell you. We’re pirates born! CAPTAIN BARNABY: Pirates to the grave! Aye! SWAMPY: Aye! Matey! CORDELIA: (Rolls her eyes.) Remember, Swampy, amuse the tourists, but don’t overstay your welcome. SWAMPY: (He rubs his tummy.) I’m starving, I tell you. MAW CAWAWKEE: Why don’t you eat some fruit? There are fruit trees everywhere you look. SWAMPY: The hurricane knocked the fruit to the ground. CORDELIA: Pick it up and eat it. SWAMPY: (Shocked.) That wouldn’t be sanitary. EARL’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) I’ll introduce you to Mom. She’ll be at the Hospitality Hut to welcome you. EVA’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) That’ll be nice. Won’t that be nice, Ted? TED’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) It’ll be nice, Eva. SWAMPY: I’d better disappear. It’s best if guests don’t see me all at once. It destroys the illusion. (He EXITS DOWN RIGHT.) EARL: (ENTERS LEFT, carrying some luggage.) Here we are, folks. Kokonut Island’s Hospitality Hut. (EVA and TED PARKER, a young newlywed couple, follow IN after EARL. EVA does most of the talking, wears a corsage. EARL crosses RIGHT and sets down the luggage.)

For preview5 only EVA: Oh, look, Ted. The Hospitality Hut looks like something a primitive person would live in. Very authentic, don’t you think so, Ted? TED: Very authentic, Eva. EVA: Mr. Scrimshaw says Kokonut Island is the perfect place for a honeymoon. MAW CAWAWKEE: You young folks just get hitched? EVA/TED: Uh-huh. MAW CAWAWKEE: Congratulations! CORDELIA: (Crosses to desk and picks up a clipboard.) Let me see now. You must be, uh, uh... (She consults her clipboard.) Here you are. Mr. and Mrs. Parker. You’ll be staying a few weeks. EVA/TED: Uh-huh. EVA: If we like it, we may stay longer. CORDELIA: I know you’re going to have a lovely time. MAW CAWAWKEE: All the weather reports say no more hurricanes for a spell. CORDELIA: This is Maw Cawawkee. Her ancestors have lived here on Kokonut Island for as long as anyone can remember. MAW CAWAWKEE: Me and my son and daughter are the last of the line. EARL: Some folks say those ancestors were pirates. EVA: Isn’t that thrilling, Ted? TED: Thrilling, Eva. CORDELIA: You’ve met my son Earl. EVA/TED: Hi, Earl. EARL: Hi. CORDELIA: (Checks clipboard.) I’m putting you in the Flamingo Hut. It has a lovely view of Pirate’s Cove and an old straw rug on the floor. So old no one knows when it was woven. EVA: Oh, Ted, we’re getting the royal treatment. TED: Nice. EARL: I’ll take the luggage on down. You can’t miss Flamingo Hut. EVA: I’m not good when it comes to geography. MAW CAWAWKEE: There’s a fake flamingo on the roof. Use that for your guide. EVA: What color is it? MAW CAWAWKEE: Pink. EVA: That is colorful. (EARL picks up the luggage, EXITS RIGHT.) TED: (Wipes the back of his neck with a handkerchief.) The weather is hot.

For preview6 only CORDELIA: Not hot, Mr. Parker. Sultry. TED: Yeah, well, whatever. MAW CAWAWKEE: You folks the only ones on the Island Grasshopper? EVA: There were a few others. MAW CAWAWKEE: (Hopeful.) Did they say they were stopping here? Or moving on to another island? EVA: I wouldn’t know. MABEL’S VOICE: (From OFF DOWN RIGHT. Angry, insistent.) Mrs. Hawkins! LOUISE’S VOICE: (From OFF DOWN RIGHT, also angry and insistent.) We want to see you, Mrs. Hawkins! MAW CAWAWKEE: Sounds like Miss Carpenter and Miss Russell. CORDELIA: Lovely young women. Both nurses. We get all sorts of professional people on Kokonut Island. Doctors, nurses, dentists. MAW CAWAWKEE: We even had a man who trained monkeys for a living. He loved to climb the trees. (MABEL and LOUISE storm IN DOWN RIGHT, both in a bad mood. MAW CAWAWKEE steps DOWN from the Hospitality Hut.) MABEL: This is the last straw, Mrs. Hawkins. CORDELIA: There’s a problem? LOUISE: It’s about the water in our hut. CORDELIA: No hot water again? I’ll have Earl see to it. LOUISE: What do you mean, no hot water again? There’s never been any hot water. MABEL: Now there’s no water at all. No hot water. No cold water. CORDELIA: (Puts on her best face.) Meet Mr. and Mrs. Parker. They’ve just arrived. They’re spending their honeymoon here. LOUISE: My sympathies. MABEL: I’ll give them a piece of advice. (To EVA and TED.) Get off this island as fast as you can. This place shouldn’t be called Kokonut Island, it should be called Devil’s Island. (OTHERS react. MUSIC CUE 2: “Beware Of Devil’s Island!” Sings.) Look at this place. LOUISE: (Sings.) Look at this mess. MABEL: (Sings.) It’s a disgrace. LOUISE: (Sings.) It’s nothing less. MABEL: (Sings.) We’ve had our thrills, LOUISE: (Sings.) Fed up to the gills. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) Before we say good-bye, we think you should know... For preview7 only MABEL: (Sings.) This island’s a nightmare, this island is hopeless, Just let it sink into the sea. LOUISE: (Sings.) This island has problems, this island is useless, MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) How could you ever charge a fee? MABEL: (Sings.) The plumbing is wretched, the water’s polluted, My cabin roof has sprung a leak. LOUISE: (Sings.) The food is repulsive, the menu diluted. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) It’s mac and cheese four times a week! CORDELIA: (Speaks.) Only three times. LOUISE: (Sings.) The messiest resort I’ve ever seen. It’s filthy, it’s rank, it’s gross. MABEL: (Sings.) This island should be under quarantine. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) Beware of Devil’s Island! CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) Calm yourself today. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) We’re gonna sue! CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) Hang loose, relax tonight. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) Just wait and see! CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) Ease your troubled mind. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) We’ve had enough! CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) We’ll make things right. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) We hate your mac and cheese! LOUISE: (Speaks.) Our bags are packed. Please send someone to take them to the dock. CORDELIA: (Speaks.) You can’t leave. LOUISE: (Speaks.) Watch. MABEL: (Speaks.) We saved up all year for this holiday and it’s been a disaster. We’re filing a complaint with the Miami travel agency that recommended this tropical sand pit. LOUISE: (Speaks.) We’re demanding a full refund, and if we don’t get it... MABEL/LOUISE: (Speak.) We’ll sue! (Sing.) This island’s a nightmare, this island is hopeless, Just let it sink into the sea. This island has problems, this island is useless! How could you ever charge a fee? (The following TWO STANZAS are sung simultaneously.) CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) Calm yourself today, hang loose, relax tonight. Ease your troubled mind, we’ll make things right.

For preview8 only MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) The plumbing is wretched, the water’s polluted, My cabin roof has sprung a leak. The food is repulsive, the menu diluted, It’s mac and cheese four times a week. (The next TWO STANZAS are sung as part of a TRIO with TED and EVA’S following verse.) CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) Calm yourself today, hang loose, relax tonight. Ease your troubled mind, we’ll make things right. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) The birds are a nuisance, the bugs are atrocious, All kinds of crawlies in my hut! The jungle has creatures, big and ferocious, There’s something growing in my gut! EVA: (TED and EVA grow progressively angrier during the song. By the end they are shouting at each other. Sings.) What’s going on? TED: (Sings.) I don’t know. EVA: (Sings.) How could you bring me to this place? TED: (Sings.) It’s not that bad. EVA: (Sings.) Yeah, right! Why isn’t anybody here? TED: (Sings.) I don’t know. EVA: (Sings.) And besides, you promised me a tennis court. TED: (Sings.) I’m sure there’s one. EVA: (Sings.) And where’s the jacuzzi? (The next TWO STANZAS are sung as part of a TRIO with TED and EVA’S following verse.) CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) Calm yourself today, hang loose, relax tonight. Ease your troubled mind, we’ll make things right. MABEL/LOUISE: (Sing.) The weather is brutal, it’s making me edgy, The heat is driving me insane! Humidity gives me a permanent wedgie, I’ve never been in so much pain! EVA: (Sings.) I’d like to leave. TED: (Sings.) No, not yet. EVA: (Sings.) I’d like to get out of this place. TED: (Sings.) Why not relax? EVA: (Sings.) Yeah, right! I can’t believe you brought me here! TED: (Sings.) Just relax! EVA: (Sings.) Listen, pal, there better be a tennis court! For preview9 only TED: (Sings.) I’m sure there is! EVA: (Sings.) And where the heck’s the jacuzzi? MABEL/LOUISE/TED/EVA: (Sing.) Beware! Beware! Listen and beware of Devil’s Island! CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Sing.) Calm yourself, relax tonight! (At end of song, MABEL and LOUISE huffily turn and EXIT DOWN RIGHT. CORDELIA and MAW CAWAWKEE force themselves to smile.) CORDELIA: A touch of sunstroke. I can always tell. MAW CAWAWKEE: Tomorrow they’ll be bouncing about the island like beach balls. EVA: Gee, I don’t know. TED: They seemed awfully mad for nurses. CORDELIA: (Eager for them to stay.) Don’t give them another thought. (She waves them off.) Go along, children. Your hut’s ready. MAW CAWAWKEE: Remember, look for the fake flamingo on the roof. EVA/TED: Pink. (They EXIT RIGHT.) BETTY’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) You make me laugh, Tom. SUKY’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) You make me laugh, too, Tom. TOM’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Fellow can’t help being witty around pretty girls like you two. (GIRLS giggle. The THREE ENTER. TOM is in his early twenties. Nice looking, pleasant smile. He wears a skipper’s cap. BETTY has one of his arms, SUKY has the other.) BETTY: Tom just said the funniest thing. MAW CAWAWKEE: Wha’d he say? SUKY: Go on, Tom. Tell them. TOM: I said I’d rather eat a lobster than be one. (BETTY and SUKY laugh. They like flattering TOM, and he likes to be flattered by pretty girls. CORDELIA and MAW CAWAWKEE aren’t amused.) I didn’t think it was that bad. CORDELIA: You’ll have to excuse Maw Cawawkee and me, Tom. MAW CAWAWKEE: We ain’t feeling giddy. TOM: You do look unhappy. BETTY: What’s wrong? CORDELIA: Miss Carpenter and Miss Russell are cutting short their stay. They’re threatening to sue. SUKY/BETTY: Sue! MAW CAWAWKEE: They said some terrible things about Kokonut Island in front of them newlyweds.

For preview10 only SUKY: That’s awful. TOM: I build up the island every chance I get. I’m as good as any publicity man you could hire. CORDELIA: Thank you, Tom. MAW CAWAWKEE: It’s appreciated. TOM: Things will be looking up before you know it. MILDRED: (ENTERS DOWN LEFT. She is dressed in a business suit and carries an attaché case.) Hello. OTHERS: Hello. TOM: This lady was on the Island Grasshopper. CORDELIA: Are you looking for accommodations? MAW CAWAWKEE: We hope. MILDRED: I’m looking for Cordelia Hawkins. OTHERS: (Point.) She’s Cordelia Hawkins. CORDELIA: Yes, I’m Cordelia Hawkins. What can I do for you? MILDRED: (Sets the attaché case on the DOWN LEFT bench and moves to CORDELIA, hand outstretched.) I’m delighted to meet you, Mrs. Hawkins. I’ve heard so much about you. (They shake hands.) I’m Mildred Hutton. From the insurance company. CORDELIA: Insurance company? MILDRED: Atwater, Seawater and Float. Is there somewhere we can talk in private? CORDELIA: Whatever you have to say you can say in front of my daughter and my friends. MILDRED: (Would rather not, but agrees.) Very well. (She crosses back to the attaché case, opens it. Takes out three envelopes.) CORDELIA: (While Mildred is getting the envelopes.) Everyone sit down. You’re making me nervous standing about. TOM: You’re the boss. (CORDELIA stands CENTER. SUKY and BETTY sit on the bench in front of the Hospitality Hut. If there’s room, TOM will also sit on this bench. If not, he stands behind the GIRLS. MAW CAWAWKEE sits on the DOWN RIGHT bench. MILDRED shuts the attaché case.) MILDRED: (Moves to CORDELIA.) Kokonut Island is such a unique situation that the firm thought it only courteous to come in person. TOM: Unique? MILDRED: An island given to the Hawkins Family, centuries ago, by the King of England for services rendered. It’s not only unique, it’s historical. There are few islands off the coast that are virtually private kingdoms. Technically, Kokonut Island is not part of the United States. MAW CAWAWKEE: We know that. For preview11 only MILDRED: The point is... we are not renewing your insurance. OTHERS: What?! MILDRED: And we happen to know the bank has refused you any more loans. EARL: (ENTERS DOWN RIGHT, having overheard.) We were counting on bank money. Boats need repair, huts need repair. Everything needs repair after the hurricane. MILDRED: The bank feels it will never get its money back. CORDELIA: Why do they say that? I always pay my debts. MILDRED: Your last bank payment is overdue by seven months. It’s obvious tourists are going to other islands that can offer the luxury they seek. Condos, computers, that sort of thing. Kokonut Island is obsolete. MAW CAWAWKEE: At least there’ll be a check for the hurricane damage. CORDELIA: That’s what you’re bringing me, isn’t it? A check? MILDRED: I’m afraid not. OTHERS: What?! MILDRED: Hurricanes and snowstorms were not covered in your policy. BETTY: Not covered? CORDELIA: I should have read the small print! MILDRED: I doubt if you’ll get insurance from any other company. Or a loan from any other bank. Your credit rating is below sea level. SUKY: Golly. No insurance and no money from the bank. MILDRED: Frankly, we consider Kokonut Island a poor risk. You do realize that, unless you can satisfy the bank, it will foreclose. EARL: You mean the bank will own Kokonut Island instead of the Hawkins Family? MILDRED: Precisely. (Communal groan.) Here are letters from Atwater, Seawater and Float. Each one thanks you for your past business. (She hands them over.) I think that covers everything. Remember, unless the loan is repaid, Kokonut Island will belong to the Bank of Greater Miami. OTHERS: The Bank of Greater Miami?! MILDRED: Good day, Mrs. Hawkins. Atwater, Seawater and Float wishes you the best. Don’t get sued by anyone. Hahaha. (She gets the attaché case, EXITS DOWN LEFT.) EARL: How do you like that? MAW CAWAWKEE: I don’t. CORDELIA: It was nice of Miss Hutton to come in person.

For preview12 only (Tearfully, after a pause.) Wasn’t it? (She starts to sob. EARL and BETTY cross to their mother, try to comfort her.) EARL: Don’t cry, Mom. BETTY: We’ll figure a way out of this. TOM: ‘Course we will. CORDELIA: I’d like to be by myself, if you don’t mind. MAW CAWAWKEE: Sure that’s what you want? CORDELIA: I’m sure. (Wails.) Oh, why didn’t I read the small print? (She steps into the Hospitality Hut. MAW CAWAWKEE motions that the OTHERS should leave the area. They EXIT RIGHT. CORDELIA sits motionless on the chair RIGHT. She takes out a hanky and dabs at her eyes, then opens the envelopes and tearfully reads the contents. SCREAMS from MABEL and LOUISE come from OFF DOWN RIGHT.) ROY BOY’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) It won’t hurt you. (More SCREAMS. CORDELIA remains lost in her thoughts. MABEL and LOUISE run IN DOWN RIGHT, each carrying a piece of luggage.) MABEL: I’m glad to say good-bye to this place! LOUISE: Let’s get down to the pier... fast. ROY BOY: (ENTERS DOWN RIGHT, dangling a large land crab [toy] by his finger.) It’s just a big ole land crab, and it’s mean as all getout. I think it wants to bite something. (He holds it in front of MILDRED’S face.) Here, lady. Take a good look. LOUISE: (Recoils.) Eeeeek! Take it away. Let it bite you. Tell it bon appetit. MABEL: One bite and that land crab will die of food poisoning. (She and LOUISE hurry across the STAGE and EXIT LEFT.) ROY BOY: (Follows NURSES across STAGE. Shouts OFF LEFT.) Sorry you’re leaving. Here’s a going-away present. Courtesy of Kokonut Island. Catch! (He tosses the land crab OFF LEFT.) LOUISE/MABEL: (OFFSTAGE LEFT.) Eeeeeek! Eeeeeek! Eeeeeek! ROY BOY: That’s what I call fun. (He runs OFF RIGHT, mimics the screams.) Eeeeeek. Eeeeeek. Eeeeeek. (CORDELIA sorrowfully rises, crosses to desk, sits. Busies herself with paperwork.) MAW CAWAWKEE’S VOICE: (OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) Stop it. What are you doing? I don’t understand. SUKY’S VOICE: (OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) You’ve got to listen to Tom! EARL’S VOICE: (OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) It’s a great idea! BETTY’S VOICE: (OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) It’s worth a try. EARL’S VOICE: (OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) Wait ’til you hear. (CORDELIA looks up from her sorrow. Rises. Looks offstage right.)

For preview13 only MAW CAWAWKEE’S VOICE: (OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) Tom’s a smart boy. (EARL, BETTY, SUKY, TOM and MAW CAWAWKEE ENTER FROM RIGHT. They stand CENTER.) CORDELIA: (Crosses DOWNSTAGE.) Stop your hollerin’, please! What’s gotten into the lot of you? BETTY: Tom’s come up with a great idea to save Kokonut Island. SUKY: Wait ’til you hear. CORDELIA: (She takes a deep breath, ready for anything.) I’m listening. TOM: Some island countries open up medical schools. You know... for kids having a rough time getting into a med school stateside. CORDELIA: You’re not suggesting I do something like that? It would be impossible. The expense, for one thing. (She shakes her head.) A medical school. MAW CAWAWKEE: Hear him out, Cordelia. TOM: Not a medical school, a high school. We could set up a boarding school on the island. SUKY: Kids from the States would love it. EARL: It’s a great idea. CORDELIA: What about teachers? How are we going to pay them? TOM: We’ll go slow. A step at a time. There’ll be a lot of tuition money flowing in. You’ll be able to pay off the bank debt and hire teachers. SUKY: I bet we get hundreds of kids. CORDELIA: We’ll need hundreds. You make it sound so easy. BETTY: It is easy. It’ll work. I know it’ll work. SUKY: What choice do you have, Mrs. Hawkins? CORDELIA: (Muses.) None, I guess. But how will we get the students? TOM: You leave that to me. I told you I’m a good publicity man. In a few weeks the money will be flowing in. EARL: Neat as one, two, three. CORDELIA: What will we call the school? SWAMPY: (Fast, steps from DOWN RIGHT.) That’s easy. We’ll call it Kokonut High! SUKY: That’s a great name for a school. OTHERS: Kokonut High. Rah! Rah! Rah! (BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene One [NOTE: Scenes are indicated as such for rehearsal purposes, but the action should flow effortlessly from one scene to the next with only a few seconds break. Don’t lose momentum.] For preview14 only Scene Two

LIGHTS UP ON FORESTAGE: The island is in SHADOWS.

MICKEY’S VOICE: (From OFF DOWN LEFT.) I’ve been dreaming of something like this. BUDDY’S VOICE: (From OFF DOWN LEFT.) Can it be true? LYNNE’S VOICE: (From OFF DOWN LEFT.) Let me see what it says. VICKIE’S VOICE: (From OFF DOWN LEFT.) How much is the tuition? (MICKEY, about 17, ENTERS. He is holding a newspaper opened to some page. Behind him are BUDDY, LYNNE and VICKIE. Each is about MICKEY’S age. If you wish, a few EXTRAS can be added.) MICKEY: If you all quiet down I’ll read you what it says. Again. (He clears his throat and reads.) “Looking for a fun school? Look no further. If you would enjoy life on a private island, this is it. Semester now open. Diplomas guaranteed. All subjects, including scuba diving.” OTHERS: Scuba diving! MICKEY: “Snorkeling.” OTHERS: Snorkeling! MICKEY: “Jet skiing.” OTHERS: Jet skiing! MICKEY: “Beachcombing.” OTHERS: Beachcombing! BUDDY: Wow! That’s not a school. It’s an adventure. MICKEY: That’s what it says on top... “Passport to Adventure.” OTHERS: (Entranced.) Passport to Adventure. MICKEY: (Continues to read.) “Enjoy white sandy beaches.” LYNNE: Sounds sooooo romantic. VICKIE: What’s the name of this marvelous institution? MICKEY: Kokonut High. (MUSIC CUE 3: “A Graduate Of Kokonut High.”) VICKIE: (Speaks.) If anyone asks us where we went to school, we can say (Grandly.) I am a graduate of Kokonut High! LYNNE/VICKIE: (Sing, tongue in cheek.) When I walk up the steps to get my high school diploma, I will know I’ve finished four long years of stress and strife. BUDDY/MICKEY: (Sing; playing along.) All those sleepless nights, The homework almost put me in a coma. VICKIE/LYNN/BUDDY/MICKEY: (Sing with feigned sarcasm.)

For preview15 only They were certainly, undoubtedly the worst years of my life! (The sarcasm ends; sing happily.) But I’m a graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, I go to Kokonut High! VICKIE/LYNN/BUDDY/MICKEY/CHORUS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, I go to Kokonut High! GIRLS: (Sing.) I took scuba diving 101, snork’ling 102, Jet skiing 103, sail boating 104. Just don’t know how I survived Surfing 105! GIRLS: (Sing.) BOYS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! A graduate of Kokonut High. I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! Every day, nine to five, I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I go to Kokonut High! I go to Kokonut High! BOYS: (Sing.) I took sun tanning 106, beach combing 107, Treasure hunting 108, clam digging 109, Sign me up once again for Babe watch... 110! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I go to Kokonut High! GIRLS: (Sing.) BOYS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! A graduate of Kokonut High. I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! Every day, nine to five, I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I go to Kokonut High! I go to Kokonut High! (The following THREE STANZAS are sung as a TRIO.) A FEW VOICES: (Sing.) Ooo, ooo, I go to Kokonut High!

For preview16 only GIRLS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, I go to Kokonut High! BOYS: (Sing.) I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I go to Kokonut High! (The following THREE STANZAS are sung as a TRIO.) A FEW VOICES: (Sing.) Ooo, ooo, GIRLS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, BOYS: (Sing.) I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! ALL: (Sing.) I go to Kokonut, I go to Kokonut, I go to Kokonut High! BUDDY: (At end of song.) Does it say anything about geometry? MICKEY: (Looks.) Nope. LYNNE: English? MICKEY: (Looks.) Nope. VICKIE: Chemistry? MICKEY: (Looks.) Nope. LYNNE: You mean that’s the whole curriculum? Scuba diving, snorkeling and jet skiing? MICKEY: That’s all it says here. Oh, yes, and modest tuition. BUDDY: Read that part where it says diploma guaranteed. MICKEY: If you would enjoy life on a private island, this is it. Semester now open. Diplomas guaranteed. BUDDY: That would make my parents happy. They think I’m a loser when it comes to school. MICKEY: There is something in small print. BUDDY: Here comes the fly in the soup. MICKEY: (Reads.) “Excellent faculty.” BUDDY: I knew it. LYNNE: That means geometry, English and chemistry. VICKIE: What difference does it make if we’re guaranteed a diploma? BUDDY: Sounds like a winner to me. All we have to do is convince our parents. LYNNE: We shouldn’t waste any time. (They turn LEFT, start to EXIT.)

For preview17 only VICKIE: Where is this island? MICKEY: In the Caribbean. Somewhere off the coast of Florida. VICKIE/LYNNE: Soooo romantic. MICKEY: I already heard you. BUDDY: Scuba diving and snorkeling. MICKEY: Diplomas guaranteed. (As they EXIT DOWN LEFT, MRS. CRAWFORD and her teenage daughter, VANESSA, ENTER DOWN RIGHT. MRS. CRAWFORD is fashionably dressed, a somewhat haughty socialite. VANESSA is a pretty teenager. Intelligent.) MRS. CRAWFORD: Vanessa, I don’t want to hear another word about it. VANESSA: But, Momsy, you promised. You said I could have anything I wanted for my eighteenth birthday. MRS. CRAWFORD: Within reason. (She crosses CENTER on FORESTAGE. VANESSA follows.) VANESSA: What’s unreasonable about wanting to go to a new school? MRS. CRAWFORD: I asked a few of my luncheon friends and none of them has ever heard of this Lolonut High. VANESSA: Kokonut. Don’t you understand? It’s on an island. You know how interested I am in ocean life. It’s a wonderful opportunity to study fish and currents and things like that while I’m still in high school. MRS. CRAWFORD: I’m sorry I gave you those swimming lessons. (She makes a distasteful face.) There are all sorts of unpleasant things in the ocean. Sharks, stingrays, jellyfish. It’s out of the question. VANESSA: (Folds her arms. Defensive.) I can’t believe that my own mother, the mother I love so much, would go back on her word. MRS. CRAWFORD: (Flustered.) Couldn’t you stay on at Miss Hansen’s Academy for Young Ladies and go to the beach on weekends? VANESSA: It wouldn’t be the same. I want to go to Kokonut Island. MRS. CRAWFORD: What a ridiculous name for an island! If you want an island, why don’t you go to Bermuda or Nassau? VANESSA: (Chides.) Mother. MRS. CRAWFORD: I can see there’s no sense in arguing with you. You’ve always been a stubborn young lady. I don’t know what your father will say.

For preview18 only VANESSA: Daddy encourages my ocean interest. MRS. CRAWFORD: He does? He never said anything to me about it. (Resigned.) I will let you go to Lolonut High. VANESSA: Kokonut. MRS. CRAWFORD: There’s one condition. VANESSA: Name it. MRS. CRAWFORD: You must write two letters every week and tell me how you’re getting on. VANESSA: Of course. MRS. CRAWFORD: I know how you dislike writing letters, but I insist. VANESSA: You can trust me to write letters. MRS. CRAWFORD: (As she EXITS LEFT.) I hope so. I don’t know what my luncheon friends are going to say when I tell them my daughter is on some island off the coast of Italy. VANESSA: (As she EXITS LEFT.) Florida.

End Of Scene Two

Scene Three

LIGHTS UP: A week later on the island. BETTY is sweeping out the Hospitality Hut, singing happily to herself. She wears an apron. SOUND of a BOAT WHISTLE or HORN. BETTY stops sweeping. SOUND REPEATS. BETTY smiles happily, removes apron, tosses it and broom aside. ROY BOY ENTERS LEFT with a straw basket filled with fruit.

ROY BOY: I got lemons and bananas and limes. BETTY: Put a small basket in each hut. ROY BOY: I don’t know why we’re going to all this trouble for a bunch of school kids. What’s so important about school anyway? I never went to school and look at me. (SUKY ENTERS RIGHT.) I bet them kids will be a bunch of snobs. SUKY: You haven’t even met them. ROY BOY: I’m entitled to my opinions. SUKY: I didn’t know you had any. ROY BOY: You sound just like Maw. Why is everyone always picking on me? SUKY: Probably because you never went to school. (Points to basket.) I’ll take that. You go down to the pier and help with the luggage. For preview19 only ROY BOY: (Hands over the basket.) Help with the luggage, help with the luggage. Anyone would think I’m a mule. SUKY: (Stomps her foot.) Scat! (ROY BOY takes OFF LEFT like a bullet.) EARL: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Boat’s in! BETTY: Yup! CORDELIA: (ENTERS from DOWN RIGHT along with MAW CAWAWKEE.) I’m so nervous. MAW CAWAWKEE: There’s nothing to be nervous about. Them kids won’t be any trouble. CORDELIA: That’s not what I mean. I was counting on at least one hundred students and only about a dozen enrolled. SUKY: A dozen? That’s all? CORDELIA: I’m afraid so. BETTY: Remember what Tom said. One step at a time. CORDELIA: The tuition money isn’t nearly enough to pay off the bank. And we haven’t been able to hire a single professional teacher. SUKY: Calm down, Mrs. Hawkins. They’ll be here any minute. CORDELIA: I suppose I’d feel better if I knew what happened to Mr. and Mrs. Parker. MAW CAWAWKEE: They still haven’t showed up? CORDELIA: They went hiking yesterday. That’s the last I saw of them. EARL: Why didn’t you say something sooner, Mom? CORDELIA: Too much on my mind, I suppose. TOM’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Stay on the path. The Hospitality Hut is straight ahead. CORDELIA: Everyone put on a happy face. Let’s make them welcome to Kokonut Island. (They get in a straight line and grin like monkeys. SUKY puts the basket down OFFSTAGE, RETURNS.) MICKEY’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Is it always this hot? TOM’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Only when the sun’s out. (OTHERS laugh.) TOM: (ENTERS.) Here they are, Mrs. Hawkins. Kokonut High’s first students. (He steps aside and the STUDENTS ENTER. They carry light luggage, knapsacks mostly. EXTRA STUDENTS can be added.) OTHERS: (Wave, applaud.) Welcome. Welcome to Kokonut Island. STUDENTS: (Wave back.) Hi. CORDELIA: I’m Mrs. Hawkins. I own the island.

For preview20 only LYNNE: Imagine owning your own island. STUDENTS: Hi, Mrs. Hawkins. CORDELIA: And now, boys and girls, we would like to welcome you the island way. (MUSIC CUE 3a: “A Kokonut Island — Reprise.”) ISLANDERS: (Sing.) Island—welcome to Kokonut Island. All de day we got sunshine, Water blue as de sky. Hey you, welcome to Kokonut Island. Promise you gonna feel fine, Friend, let me tell you why. WOMEN ISLANDERS: (Sing.) Palm trees—we got plenty of palm trees, Sandy beaches and jungles, All for you to explore. MEN ISLANDERS: (Sing.) Laughter—we got plenty of laughter, People playing together. ALL: (Sing.) You will find anywhere you go you’ll love de Island—come to Kokonut Island. Life is simple and easy, In this tropical land. Come now, come to Kokonut Island. Life—it’s sultry and breezy, Live de life while you can. Live de life while you can. Live de life while you can! CORDELIA: (At end of song.) I hope you had an easy trip. BUDDY: Nothing to it. VICKIE: The best part was riding on the Island Grasshopper. TOM: Thanks for the endorsement. CORDELIA: (Indicates.) This is my daughter Betty. Betty, please get me my clipboard. BETTY: Sure thing. (She does so.) CORDELIA: My son Earl. EARL: Hi, gang. STUDENTS: Hi, Earl. CORDELIA: This is Mrs. Cawawkee. The school dietitian. She’s a direct descendant of the island’s original inhabitants. STUDENTS: Wow! BUDDY: In-credi-ble. CORDELIA: Her daughter Suky. SUKY: Hello, everyone.

For preview21 only STUDENTS: Hi, Suky. BUDDY: When do we meet the faculty? (This hits like a bomb. No one knows how to answer.) BETTY: Faculty? VICKIE: You know... teachers. CORDELIA: Uh, uh, the faculty. Yes, the faculty. Hmmmm. Faculty. Uh. Hmmmm. TOM: The faculty’s been delayed for a few days, kids. But they’ll be here. MICKEY: Hey, don’t worry about it. LYNNE: We’re in no hurry to meet them. BUDDY: All the more time to scuba dive VICKIE: And snorkel. MICKEY: And jet ski. VANESSA: And beachcomb. SWAMPY: (ENTERS from DOWN RIGHT.) I hope you kids are big tippers. STUDENTS: (Jump back, startled.) Yuck! LYNNE: Isn’t he kind of old to be a bellhop? SWAMPY: I keep telling people I ain’t no bellhop. I’m a retired pirate and I’m almost three hundred years old. (As parrot.) Caw, caw, caw. (Back to himself.) This is my best pal. Meet Captain Barnaby. VICKIE: What a character! EARL: His name is Swampy. He’ll be teaching Kokonut Island history. LYNNE: He’s a history teacher? SWAMPY: (Snarls.) You got something against history? (He draws his sword in threatening fashion. STUDENTS, as one, jump back.) STUDENTS: Oh! CORDELIA: I know you’re going to find Swampy entertaining. LYNNE: If you like late night horror movies. CORDELIA: (Consults clipboard.) Let’s see now. Mickey Bramley. MICKEY: Yo! CORDELIA: Buddy Reilly. BUDDY: Present and accounted for. CORDELIA: Lynne Crandall. LYNNE: That’s me. CORDELIA: Vickie Alexander. VICKIE: Present. CORDELIA: Vanessa Crawford?

For preview22 only VANESSA: Here. (NOTE: If EXTRA STUDENTS are being utilized, give them names.) BUDDY: What are the dormitories like? SUKY: No dormitories. LYNNE: No dormitories? EARL: You’ll sleep in huts. MICKEY: Huts? STUDENTS: What kind of huts? MAW CAWAWKEE: Native huts. Just like they did in the old days when Captain Kidd was raiding the coast. (STUDENTS are delighted.) MICKEY: Far out! BUDDY: Things keep getting better and better. BETTY: Each hut has a different name. SUKY: Porpoise. Flamingo. Sea Witch. Pelican. MAW CAWAWKEE: Mermaid. Scalawag. Clam Shell. Pirate’s Roost. BUDDY: Pirate’s Roost! That’s for me. VANESSA: When do classes begin? CORDELIA: Uh... EARL: Uh... MAW CAWAWKEE: Uh... BETTY: Uh... TOM: Soon. We want to give you time to acclimate to the island. MICKEY: Sounds good to us. BUDDY: You said it. CORDELIA: If you’ll all follow me. (She starts to EXIT RIGHT. STUDENTS start to follow.) MICKEY: What time is dinner? CORDELIA: Six o’clock. BUDDY: What are we having? CORDELIA: A traditional island feast. Macaroni and cheese. (ALL but MAW CAWAWKEE EXIT. ROY BOY ENTERS from LEFT. He’s bent low from the weight of a large trunk or miscellaneous luggage. He can barely walk from the weight.) MAW CAWAWKEE: Move it, Roy Boy. I told you before. You ain’t no sea turtle. ROY BOY: I feel like one. MAW CAWAWKEE: Get moving. (She EXITS RIGHT.) ROY BOY: (As he moves across the STAGE like a sea turtle.) Aw, Maw, you’re always picking on me. (BLACKOUT.)

End Of Scene Three

For preview23 only Scene Four

LIGHTS UP ON FORESTAGE DOWN RIGHT: SOUND of BIRDS. EVA and TED stumble IN DOWN RIGHT. They look exhausted. Their clothing is torn and their faces are smudged with dirt.

EVA: This has been the most horrible experience of my life. TED: I told you we shouldn’t hike without a guide. EVA: The island looks so small on the map. TED: The map didn’t say anything about a mountain range. EVA: Mrs. Hawkins should have said something about a mountain range. TED: Well, she didn’t say anything about a mountain range and here we are. EVA: We should have listened to those nurses. TED: Now you tell me. EVA: What are we going to do, Ted? TED: I don’t know, Eva. EVA: We could starve to death. We could be eaten by crocodiles. TED: There aren’t any crocodiles in the Caribbean, Eva. EVA: Maybe not, Ted. (She slaps at her arm.) But there are plenty of mosquitoes. TED: (Slaps at his arm.) And they’re big, too. EVA: Some honeymoon. TED: You can say that again. EVA: I’d rather not. TED: This could be the end of us, Eva. Years from now they might find some bleached bones and it’ll be us. EVA: (Horrified.) Oh, Ted. (She throws her arms around his neck and sobs.) SWAMPY’S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE, DOWN RIGHT. Sings a cappella.) Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum. EVA/TED: Listen. SWAMPY’S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE, DOWN RIGHT. Sings.) Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest. Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum. EVA: It sounds like that Swamp creature. TED: I think it is. (They jump up and down waving their arms as if SWAMPY were in the audience.) EVA: Over here. We’re over here! TED: This way! EVA: Swampy, can you hear us?

For preview24 only TED: Swampy, can you see us? EVA: We’d better find him before he gets away, Ted. TED: Whatever you say, Eva. (They start to hurry OFF DOWN RIGHT. Or, if there are stage steps, they might climb down and run up the aisle shouting.) EVA: Swampy! TED: Swampy! EVA: We’re over here! TED: Where are you? (They EXIT. LIGHTS OUT DOWN RIGHT and UP ON DOWN LEFT. WALCOTT and BARBARA DRAKE ENTER. They’re young adults pretending to be teenagers. Tough sounding.) WALCOTT: Please, don’t go over it again. BARBARA: The syndicate won’t stand for any slip-up. We goof this up and… WALCOTT: I get the picture. I know what we’re supposed to do. BARBARA: The syndicate frowns upon mistakes. WALCOTT: To say the least. BARBARA: (Produces a black book, flips the pages.) We’ve got the name of every rich criminal who wants to become a citizen of the New Republic of Kokonut Island. WALCOTT: We’re talking megabucks here. BARBARA: And the only thing standing in the way is Mrs. Hawkins. WALCOTT: Because she won’t sell. BARBARA: She could have an accident. WALCOTT: What good would that do? She has a son and a daughter and who knows how many relatives? Besides, an accident wouldn’t be ethical. BARBARA: The only way to work this out is to force her to sell. WALCOTT: That Kokonut High idea might catch on. BARBARA: (Hushed voice, conniving.) We must stop it before it does. WALCOTT: (Also hushed.) Leave it to us. BARBARA: (With building confidence.) We’ll find some way to destroy the school. WALCOTT: That’s the school spirit. BARBARA: (An idea blooms. Suddenly taking on the demeanor of a teenage student.) Wally? (Offers her hand.) WALCOTT: (Now also as a “student.”) Babs? BARBARA: Let’s enroll, shall we? WALCOTT: Now why didn’t I think of that? (Takes her hand. THEY EXIT, almost gleefully, DOWN RIGHT.) End of Scene Four For preview25 only Scene Five

LIGHTS UP: Early evening on island. MICKEY, BUDDY, VANESSA, LYNNE and VICKIE are sitting in a semicircle on the ground. If EXTRA STUDENTS are used, they can sit on the benches or sit in the Hospitality Hut. SWAMPY stands in front of Hospitality Hut regaling the STUDENTS with his bogus pirate yarns.

SWAMPY: (With melodramatic intensity.) Heave ho, lads, I said. You heard the captain. This ship has to be in port before they reposition their guns and blast us out of the brine. (As the parrot.) It’s all true. Caw, caw. STUDENTS: (Impressed.) Aaaaah. SWAMPY: We’ve got six Spanish ships of the line in our wake, and they don’t mean to give up ’til they clasp us in irons. STUDENTS: Aaaaah. (Of course, the STUDENTS don’t believe a word of what SWAMPY’S saying, but they enjoy the stories he spins nonetheless. It’s better than geometry.) SWAMPY: (Draws sword.) We’ll take the fort and train the guns on them pursuing ships. When they pull down their flag we’ll run up the Jolly Roger. Seize the booty and sack the town. STUDENTS: Aaaaaah. VANESSA: (Plays along.) You really knew Captain Kidd? SWAMPY: Did I know him? Why, we were practically brothers. Ain’t that right, Captain Barnaby? (As the parrot.) Caw, caw. VICKIE: Amazing. SWAMPY: People used to call us Swampy and Kidd. Here comes Swampy and Kidd, they’d say. (BARBARA and WALCOTT ENTER LEFT. Each carries a suitcase or a backpack. Their demeanor now is subdued. Very polite teenagers. Nothing aggressive about them.) BARBARA: Excuse us. (STUDENTS look.) Would someone tell us where to enroll? WALCOTT: We’re new students. STUDENTS: Hiya. BARBARA: Hiya. VICKIE: What’re your names? WALCOTT: I’m Walcott Drake and this is my sister Barbara. (STUDENTS reply by introducing themselves.)

For preview26 only SWAMPY: Where is that cabin boy? Never around when he’s needed. (He calls RIGHT.) Roy Boy! ROY BOY’S VOICE: (Screams back from OFF RIGHT.) Whaaaaa? WALCOTT: Actually, I like people to call me Wally. BARBARA: I like people to call me Babs. STUDENTS: Hi, Babs. Hi, Wally. BARBARA: Isn’t this a great place for a high school? VANESSA: It will be when the faculty arrives. BARBARA: No faculty? BUDDY: Not yet. Except for Swampy here. He teaches Kokonut Island history. SWAMPY: You better pay attention. There’s going to be a quiz. (STUDENTS laugh.) I say something funny? ROY BOY: (ENTERS RIGHT.) What’s all the shouting? I was taking a nap. SWAMPY: You’re always taking naps. ROY BOY: That’s because I’m always sleepy. SWAMPY: You ought to be ashamed, a young boy like you. When I was your age I was sailing the bounding main. As good a pirate lad as any what came before me. ROY BOY: Save it for your history class. VANESSA: Some new students, Roy Boy. LYNNE: Wally and Babs Drake. ROY BOY: I didn’t hear a boat whistle. BARBARA: We came by yacht. (STUDENTS are impressed.) SWAMPY: Drake? Drake? You any relation to Sir Francis Drake, the English sea dog? BARBARA: I don’t think so. WALCOTT: I never heard Mother and Father say anything about a Sir Francis Drake. SWAMPY: (On and on.) I knew them all and they all knew me. Sir Henry Morgan, Captain Hook, Blackbeard, Errol Flynn. VANESSA: I think Babs and Wally need a hut, Roy Boy. ROY BOY: I figured that. Come on, I’ll get you settled and then you can meet Mrs. Hawkins. (He crosses and takes their suitcases.) WALCOTT: We can carry our own suitcases. ROY BOY: It’s what I get paid for. Only I never get paid. (He crosses RIGHT.) One of you can have Shark Hut and the other can have Barracuda. (BARBARA and WALCOTT follow ROY BOY OUT RIGHT.) BUDDY: We’ll catch you later, guys. VICKIE: They seem like nice kids.

For preview27 only LYNNE: Enrollment’s picking up. SWAMPY: Pay attention. Where was I? MICKEY: Swampy and Kidd. SWAMPY: That’s right. Swampy and Kidd. To tell the truth, I’m the one people should remember. Captain Kidd never did anything without my advice. I told him where to bury treasure, what ships to sink, what coastline to raid. Without me he was little better than a flounder with an eye patch. (SOUND of THUNDER. STAGE LIGHTS FLICKERS. STUDENTS jump up.) MICKEY: It’s going to rain. BUDDY: It’s going to storm. LYNNE: Came up kind of sudden, didn’t it? VICKIE: I hope it’s not a hurricane. VANESSA: It’s no hurricane. LYNNE: I’m going back to my hut. VICKIE: So am I. LYNNE: Let’s all go. (STUDENTS run OUT RIGHT expecting a downpour at any moment.) SWAMPY: Hold on, landlubbers, I ain’t finished the lesson. (No luck. The STUDENTS are gone. SWAMPY lifts his eyepatch to make sure.) You’d think a pirate ship had landed. (More LOUD THUNDER. The LIGHTS FLICKER MADLY as if a storm was breaking. Then BLACKOUT. It lasts for only a second or two. MUSIC CUE 4: “The Ghost of Captain Kidd.” When the LIGHTING RETURNS it casts the STAGE in an EERIE [RED] GLOW as a TERRIFYING VOICE BOOMS OUT.) CAPTAIN KIDD’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT. Speaks.) Where be ye, ye mangy squid?! SWAMPY: (Terrified, can’t understand what’s going on. Speaks.) Where are you? CAPTAIN KIDD: (ENTERS LEFT. Speaks.) Here I be, ye rancid barnacle! (He is truly a fright. Full pirate costume, long hair, beard. Pistols and sword in his belt. Powerful voice.) SWAMPY: (Speaks.) Who... who... who are you? CAPTAIN KIDD: (Speaks.) You ask me that, you lying oyster?! Who else would I be but meself? Captain Kidd! I ain’t no flounder with an eye patch. SWAMPY: (This is too much for him. He trembles, drops to his knees, hands up as if to plead. Speaks.) Captain Kidd? But... but... but... you’re dead. CAPTAIN KIDD: (Speaks.) Then I must be a ghost. Hahahahaha!

For preview28 only (Sings.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. East t’west and north t’south, From the mouth of a giant squid, Comes the ghost of Captain Kidd! (A CHORUS of PIRATES and WENCHES ENTER RIGHT and LEFT.) PIRATES/WENCHES: (Sing.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. East t’west and north t’south, From the mouth of a giant squid, Comes the ghost of Captain Kidd! (Laughter and cheers.) SWAMPY: (Speaks.) G-G-G-G-Ghost? (Into audience.) I’m seeing things. I’m hearing things. CAPTAIN KIDD: (Speaks.) No, ye ain’t. I heard every lie ye told. Ain’t ye ashamed of yerself? (Scoffs.) Swampy and Kidd. SWAMPY: (Speaks.) Uh... uh... what brings you back, Captain Kidd? CAPTAIN KIDD: (Speaks.) You listen, Swampy, and hear me true! (Sings.) I’ve sailed the seven seas have I, Me hearty crew and me. Now raise yer cup and drink a toast, To the saltiest lads to sail on the sea! PIRATES/WENCHES: (Sing.) To the saltiest lads to sail on the sea! (General chatter.) CAPTAIN KIDD: (Sings.) This island is me paradise, Me ship, me home, I say. You best beware, take my advice, Shove off, be gone, set sail and away! PIRATES/WENCHES: (Sing.) Shove off, be gone, set sail and away! CAPTAIN KIDD: (Sings.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Dance a jig and down the ale. Tattle a tale to rattle yer bones, From the locker of Davey Jones! PIRATES/WENCHES: (Sing.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Dance a jig and down the ale. Tattle a tale to rattle yer bones, From the locker of Davey Jones! (Laughter and cheers.) SWAMPY: (Speaks.) But, Captain Kidd, what if they won’t go? CAPTAIN KIDD: (Speaks.) Silence! (SWAMPY is shaking.) Buckle me swash, this is me island. I claimed it years ago on me way to Tortuga, and I don’t like strangers on it. Get off me island or suffer me anger. I’ll bury ye all in the sand up to ye necks and cover ye heads with honey for the ants. SWAMPY: (Speaks.) Oh... oh... oh!

For preview29 only CAPTAIN KIDD: (Sings.) This island is me paradise, I’ll have no stowaway. Take heed, for if I tell ye twice, ‘Tis sure there’ll be the devil t’ pay! PIRATES/WENCHES: (Sing.) ‘Tis sure there’ll be the devil to pay! (General chatter.) CAPTAIN KIDD: (Sings.) A captain’s curse is one to fear, ‘Tis best to do my bid. Now all ye hands set sail from here, Or suffer the wrath of Captain Kidd! PIRATES/WENCHES: (Sing.) Or suffer the wrath of Captain Kidd! CAPTAIN KIDD: (Sings.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Pipe the pipe and drum the drum. Turn ‘er about or have us to thank, For the blade at yer back as you walk the plank! PIRATES/WENCHES: (Sing.) For the blade at yer back as you walk the plank! PIRATES/WENCHES I: (Sing.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Dance a jig and down the ale. Tattle a tale to rattle yer bones, From the locker of Davey Jones! PIRATES/WENCHES I: (Sing.) PIRATES/WENCHES II: (Sing.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Heave ho! East t’west and north t’south, Heave ho! From the mouth of a giant squid, Heave ho! Heave ho! Comes the ghost of Captain Kidd! Comes the ghost of Captain Kidd! (The following THREE STANZAS are sung as a TRIO.) PIRATES/WENCHES I: (Sing.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Dance a jig and down the ale. Tattle a tale to rattle yer bones, From the locker of Davey Jones! PIRATES/WENCHES II: (Sing.) Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho! From the locker of Davey Jones! CAPTAIN KIDD/A FEW VOICES: (Sing.) Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! From the locker of Davey Jones! (The following THREE STANZAS are sung as a TRIO. PIRATES and WENCHES begin to EXIT.)

For preview30 only PIRATES/WENCHES I: (Sing.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. East t’west and north t’south, From the mouth of a giant squid, Comes the ghost of Captain Kidd! PIRATES/WENCHES II: (Sing.) Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho! Comes the ghost of Captain Kidd! CAPTAIN KIDD/A FEW VOICES: (Sing.) Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Comes the ghost of Captain Kidd! (PIRATES and WENCHES are OFF.) CAPTAIN KIDD: (Speaks over music.) Ye tell them, Swampy. Everyone off me island...or else! (SWAMPY is completely terrified. He gets up, runs this way and that, making pitiful whimpering sounds. Eventually he runs OUT with CAPTAIN KIDD’S words roaring in his ears. Or SWAMPY may leave the stage and run up the aisle yelling out,“Help! Help!”) This island belongs to me! It’s me island. Leave it or perish, one and all. Spread the news, ye wretched little man. (Out to audience.) Captain Kidd is back on Kokonut Island and he means business. Ha, ha ha! (LIGHTS FADE FAST, leaving the ghost of CAPTAIN KIDD in a SCARY AFTERGLOW. MUSIC OUT. BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene Five

Scene Six

LIGHTS UP: ISLAND SOUNDS again [SFX on CD]: BIRDS, WAVES. Only the FORESTAGE is LIT. After a moment, the island SOUNDS FADE. EVA and TED stumble IN from DOWN LEFT. This time they look worse than before. Shredded clothing, no shoes, faces as dirty as possible, hair messed up. TED uses a homemade crutch. There’s something the matter with his foot. EVA has her arm in a sling made from some garment.

EVA: I think we’re going around in circles, Ted.

For preview31 only TED: I’m too tired to tell, Eva. EVA: Is your foot any better? TED: No. Is your arm any better? EVA: I can’t tell. It’s so numb. (They make it to CENTER FORESTAGE.) TED: I wonder who put out that trap I stepped in? EVA: Who knows? It’s probably centuries old. TED: I could come down with gangrene, Eva. EVA: What about me, Ted? I’m sure this arm won’t mend properly. TED: It’s a shame you had to run into that tree. EVA: Anything to get away from that horrible snake. TED: Looked more like a big lizard to me. Maybe it was an iguana. EVA: Could have been a crocodile, for all I know. This mountain range is alive with hideous, ghastly, mean creatures. TED: And they all bite. (They slap at bugs.) EVA: They must be looking for us. TED: Every bug on the island has found us. EVA: Every day I get weaker. TED: You’d think we’d have seen a helicopter by now. EVA: I think they forgot about us. TED: I’m sure they’re looking for us, Eva. EVA: I’m not. TED: Chin up. EVA: I’m so sick of eating bananas, and the coconuts on this island taste weird. TED: Everything on this island is weird. (He points DOWN RIGHT with his crutch.) Let’s try that way. I don’t think we’ve been that way before. EVA: Anything is worth a try. TED: Good girl. (They hobble DOWN RIGHT.) EVA: Some honeymoon. TED: I wish you’d stop saying that. EVA: (Cups her hands, calls out.) Hello! Hello! Anybody out there? TED: (Cups his hands, calls out.) Hello! Hello! We’re over this way. EVA: It’s Mr. and Mrs. Parker! TED: From Kokomo, Indiana! (They EXIT as best they can. LIGHTS FADE on FORESTAGE.)

End Of Scene Six

For preview32 only Scene Seven

LIGHTS UP: On island. VANESSA is in the Hospitality Hut, writing a letter.

SWAMPY’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) We’re all in danger! You’ve got to believe me. I tell you, it’s the truth. (He backs IN. CORDELIA, EARL and MAW CAWAWKEE ENTER, following him.) CORDELIA: Swampy, get a hold of yourself. EARL: You’ve been going on and on about seeing Captain Kidd. MAW CAWAWKEE: It sounds as if you really believe you saw him. SWAMPY: (Bangs his foot in frustration.) I tell you I did see him. Right here in front of the Hospitality Hut. A terrifying ghost, that’s what he is. Drool on his beard and fire in his eyes. CORDELIA: Entertaining the students with stories is one thing, but now you just sound crazy. SWAMPY: I’m not crazy. He wants us off the island. EARL: Get real, Swampy. Come back to earth. SWAMPY: (Loses his patience.) Okay, okay. Nobody believe me. (He crosses LEFT.) Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re buried up to your neck in sand and Captain Kidd pours honey on your head and hungry ants show up. (He EXITS.) CORDELIA: Oh, dear, this is serious. EARL: I’m afraid Swampy needs professional help. And fast. CORDELIA: He’s gone cuckoo on Koko. EARL: I’ll contact the mainland and have them send someone over. No telling what he might do. (He turns, EXITS RIGHT.) CORDELIA: One thing after the other. MAW CAWAWKEE: Any more students show up? CORDELIA: No, and I’m afraid there aren’t going to be any more. Only enough tuition money to hold off the bank for an extra month or two. MAW CAWAWKEE: I can’t believe you’re going to lose the island. CORDELIA: Don’t say that, Maw Cawawkee. MAW CAWAWKEE: What’s going to happen to me? And Suky? And Roy Boy? This is the only home we’ve ever known. CORDELIA: We’ve got to get our minds off our troubles. (She thinks.) I know. I’ll make banana pies. MAW CAWAWKEE: I’ll make macaroni and cheese. (WALCOTT and BARBARA ENTER LEFT.)

For preview33 only BARBARA: Mrs. Hawkins, you’d better do something about that history teacher. WALCOTT: He’s talking to someone who’s not there. CORDELIA: (Does her best to sidestep the issue.) That’s just his way. Don’t you find him amusing? BARBARA: No, I find him kind of creepy. MAW CAWAWKEE: How are you young people getting on with your studies? BARBARA/WALCOTT: What studies? CORDELIA: (Forces herself to fib.) The faculty will be here any day now. BARBARA: We’re not complaining. (CORDELIA EXITS RIGHT. MAW CAWAWKEE follows. VANESSA finishes her letter and puts it in an envelope.) WALCOTT: Swampy’s harmless. (Pause.) I think. How are we doing? BARBARA: So far, so good. I wrote a letter to Miami. It should get results. WALCOTT: The syndicate wants fast results. (VANESSA steps from Hospitality Hut.) WALCOTT: Shhhh. VANESSA: Hi, Wally, Babs. BARBARA: Hi, Vanessa. WALCOTT: Saw you early this morning down on the beach. VANESSA: Do you know the waters here harbor some of the most endangered fish in the Caribbean? WALCOTT: No, I didn’t know that. BARBARA: You’re really up on ecology, Vanessa. VANESSA: I plan to make it my life’s work. WALCOTT: We admire you. BARBARA: I see you have another letter. WALCOTT: You’re always writing letters. VANESSA: I promised my mother that I would write. BARBARA: I’ll put it on the Island Grasshopper for you. WALCOTT: It just docked. VANESSA: Thanks, Babs. (She hands over the letter to BARBARA and EXITS RIGHT.) BARBARA: (When VANESSA is gone.) What a pigeon. (She opens the envelope and takes out the letter, silently reads.) WALCOTT: What’s it say? BARBARA: The usual drivel. Kokonut Island is a wonderful place. She couldn’t be happier, blah, blah, blah.

For preview34 only WALCOTT: Blah, blah, blah. BARBARA: We’d better get busy...To work. WALCOTT: To work? (BARBARA pockets the letter. They ENTER the Hospitality Hut. She sits at the desk. With paper and pen she begins to write a new letter. WOLCOTT sits RIGHT, finds a magazine on the floor. Picks it up, begins to read. BETTY and SUKY ENTER DOWN LEFT, each on TOM’S arm. They move DOWN CENTER.) SUKY: It’s wonderful to watch you bring in the Island Grasshopper. Smooth as silk. TOM: It’s my job. BETTY: Tom, do you think you’ll get married one day? TOM: To tell the truth, I’m planning on getting married...and soon. (BETTY and SUKY are thrilled. Each assumes she’s the bride-to-be.) SUKY/BETTY: Soon?! BETTY: How soon? SUKY: Tom, we want you to know what whichever girl you pick, the other one will understand. BETTY: It’s a promise. TOM: What other one? BETTY: If it’s Suky, I’ll understand. SUKY: If it’s Betty, I’ll understand. TOM: You’re putting me on. BETTY: Why do you say that? TOM: I’m already engaged. BETTY/SUKY: Engaged?! TOM: I’ve been engaged for six months. BETTY/SUKY: Six months! (They pull away.) TOM: She’s a wonderful young lady. Name’s Olive, from Orlando. We’re thinking of having the wedding here on Kokonut Island BETTY: (Drolly speaks.) How wonderful. SUKY: (The same.) How delightful. BETTY: (Resigned.) Bet she’s nice. SUKY: (Resigned.) Bet she’s a beauty. TOM: Yeah. She’s a sassy little Latin dancin’ diva. BETTY: (Livid.) Give my regards to Olive. (She slaps him in the face. TOM doesn’t understand.) TOM: Ow! SUKY: (Livid.) Say hello to Orlando for me. (She slaps his other cheek.) TOM: Ow! What is this? (BETTY and SUKY start to EXIT RIGHT.)

For preview35 only BETTY: The nerve! SUKY: He’s just another frog we thought was a prince. (She and BETTY EXIT. TOM nurses his slapped face.) TOM: (To himself.) What did I say? (By now BARBARA has finished the new letter, puts it in the envelope.) BARBARA: Done. (She gets up and steps from the Hospitality Hut. WOLCOTT follows.) Mosquito get you? TOM: Huh? (He sees the duo.) No, it wasn’t a mosquito, but I sure got stung. BARBARA: (Extends the letter.) Would you take this letter with you when you go back? TOM: Happy to. (BARABARA holds out the letter. TOM takes it, slips it into some pocket. LYNNE and VICKIE ENTER LEFT.) LYNNE: I know I lost it somewhere around here. VICKIE: Can’t you be more specific? WALCOTT: What did you lose? LYNNE: My favorite ring. Zircon and ruby. I’ll look around here. Vickie, you look over there on the path. (She points OFF RIGHT.) BARBARA: We’ll help. (VICKIE EXITS RIGHT, followed by BARBARA and WALCOTT.) TOM: (Shakes his head in bewilderment.) Women. (He EXITS LEFT, rubbing his face.) LYNNE: (Searches for the ring, talking to herself. Eventually she’s by the big shrub.) I know I was standing here twisting the ring around my finger. (WALCOTT and BARBARA RE-ENTER FROM DOWN RIGHT. For the moment, they’ve dropped their teenaged demeanor. Neither one sees LYNNE.) WALCOTT: We shoulda’ been able to sabotage Kokonut High by now. Things should be moving faster. BARBARA: It’s only a matter of time. (LYNNE can tell something serious is up. She wants to hear more so she drops behind the big shrub.) Don’t be impatient. WALCOTT: Yeah, I know: “By the time we’re done with Cordelia Hawkins she’ll think another hurricane hit her.” BARBARA: We’re going to steal this island fair and square. Besides, we’ve got insurance. (Takes out the black book.) Do you know what would happen if this book fell into the wrong hands? WALCOTT: You mean like the U.S. government? BARBARA: This book not only has names, it shows the syndicate’s plan for Kokonut Island down to the last detail. WALCOTT: Is it smart to have that book?

For preview36 only BARBARA: We need a little insurance in case the syndicate decides it doesn’t need us anymore. WALCOTT: Good thinking, “Babs.” Blackmail. You’re smart. BARBARA: Thanks, “Wally.” This book is dynamite. WALCOTT: Maybe we shouldn’t be carrying it around. Maybe we should hide it someplace. BARBARA: It never leaves my sight. Never will. LYNNE: (Leaps up from behind the shrub.) Oh, yeah?! (BARBARA and WOLCOTT turn to the sound, startled. LYNNE zooms to the book and grabs it from BARBARA’S hand.) BARBARA: Give that back! WALCOTT: She’s got the book! LYNNE: And I’m keeping it! (She runs OUT DOWN RIGHT.) BARBARA: (Sweetly.) Wally, why are you standing there? (Not so sweetly.) We’ve got to get that book back! WALCOTT: (Frantically.) Where’d she go? Where’d she go? BARBARA: (Points DOWN RIGHT.) That way. (WOLCOTT starts to EXIT LEFT. BARBARA points.) I said that way! WALCOTT: Yeah. That way. (WOLCOTT runs OUT DOWN RIGHT. BARBARA rushes after him. BLACKOUT.)

End Of Scene Seven

Scene Eight

LIGHTS UP: Bare FORESTAGE. The island is in “shadow.”

CAPTAIN KIDD: (Thunders IN from DOWN LEFT.) Ye be a sorry scalawag, Swampy! SWAMPY: (ENTERS DOWN LEFT, apprehensive.) I told them what you said, Captain Kidd. But nobody believes me. They think I’ve lost my marbles. CAPTAIN KIDD: Blood and thunder! There was a time when people jumped at the sound of me name. Shiver me timbers, what’s become of me reputation? SWAMPY: They won’t leave. I told you why. Mrs. Hawkins is fighting to hold on. CAPTAIN KIDD: I’ll have them all walk the plank. Me ghost ship’s anchored in Pirate’s Cove. SWAMPY: Don’t have them walk the plank. They’re good people, ain’t they, Captain Barnaby? (As the parrot.) Very nice. Caw, caw. Very nice. For preview37 only CAPTAIN KIDD: (Louder and louder.) I’m a cutthroat pirate and “nice” don’t mean a tin cup to me. I’ll give ye one more chance, you pitiful swab. SWAMPY: I ain’t pitiful. CAPTAIN KIDD: (Roars.) What?! SWAMPY: (Drops to his knees, once again terrified, hands up as if afraid CAPTAIN KIDD might strike him.) Okay, okay. I’m pitiful. You name it and that’s me. CAPTAIN KIDD: Get busy. SWAMPY: Actually I have thought of something that might work. CAPTAIN KIDD: (Curious.) I’m all ears. Heave ho with what ye got. SWAMPY: (Gets up.) I was thinking... uh... if you showed yourself to the others... uh... they’d have to believe me. CAPTAIN KIDD: That’s a splendid idea. SWAMPY: You think so? CAPTAIN KIDD: I do. But it won’t work. SWAMPY: Why not? CAPTAIN KIDD: The only way you can see the ghost of Captain Kidd is to have at least one drop of pirate blood swimming in your veins. SWAMPY: The Cawawkees are descendants of pirates. Everybody says so. CAPTAIN KIDD: Then everybody’s wrong. I’ve walked from one end of the island to the other and not one person saw me. (LIEUTENANT SUTTON and PETTY OFFICER JONES ENTER DOWN RIGHT. They are with the Coast Guard and both wear a uniform and a sidearm. They stare across the FORESTAGE at SWAMPY. Since they can’t see CAPTAIN KIDD, they assume SWAMPY’S crazy.) Not one islander. SWAMPY: But, Captain Kidd? PETTY OFFICER JONES: Who’s he talking to, Lieutenant? LIEUTENANT SUTTON: I have no idea. There’s not another person in sight. SWAMPY: Hey! CAPTAIN KIDD: What? SWAMPY: I can see you. I can see you plain as anything. CAPTAIN KIDD: What’s so surprising about that? SWAMPY: Then I’m a descendant of pirates? CAPTAIN KIDD: Of course ye are, ye warm water lobster. SWAMPY: (Thrilled, dances about.) Oh! Oh! This is the happiest

For preview38 only day of my life! (MUSIC CUE 4a: “The Ghost of Captain Kidd — Reprise.”) CAPTAIN KIDD: (Draws his sword. Speaks.) It’ll be the sorriest day of ye life if you fail me. (He threatens with his sword.) Off with ye! SWAMPY: (Ignores him, sings.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Dance a jig and down the ale. Tattle a tale to rattle yer bones, From the locker of Davey Jones! SWAMPY/CAPTAIN KIDD: (CAPTAIN KIDD, amused, joins in. Sing.) Yo, heave ho, welcome aboard. Dance a jig and down the ale. Tattle a tale to rattle yer bones, From the locker of Davey Jones! CAPTAIN KIDD: (Threatens SWAMPY with his sword. Speaks.) Now off with ye! SWAMPY: (Speaks.) I’m a pirate! I’m a pirate! I’m a real live pirate! (He runs OFF DOWN LEFT.) CAPTAIN KIDD: (Speaks.) I never said ye weren’t! (He EXITS DOWN LEFT.) PETTY OFFICER JONES: (At end of song.) Gosh, Lieutenant, I wonder what’s the matter with that character? LIEUTENANT SUTTON: These islands are filled with odd types. Too much sun. That’s what I think. PETTY OFFICER JONES: If I didn’t know better I’d say he was a leftover pirate. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: Never mind about him. We’ve got more important things to worry about. PETTY OFFICER JONES: (Comes to attention, salutes.) Yes, sir. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: We can get a better view of the yacht if we can gain some elevation. PETTY OFFICER JONES: (Points OFF LEFT.) Looks like a small hill over there. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: Excellent. PETTY OFFICER JONES: Thank you, sir. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: (Moves DOWN LEFT.) With any luck no one will notice our boat anchored on the other side of the island. PETTY OFFICER JONES: Lieutenant Sutton, is the water on this side of the island the same as the water on the other side? LIEUTENANT SUTTON: Look it up in the manual. (He EXITS DOWN LEFT.)

For preview39 only PETTY OFFICER JONES: Yes, sir. (She salutes, EXITS DOWN LEFT. LIGHTS DOWN on FORESTAGE.)

End of Scene Eight

Scene Nine

LIGHTS UP: In front of the Hospitality Hut. LYNNE runs IN from RIGHT, holding the black book. VICKIE is with her. Both are excited.

LYNNE: I’ve got to find someplace to hide this book. VICKIE: This isn’t some kind of joke, is it? LYNNE: Would I lie about something like this? Here, take it. (She hands the book to VICKIE.) See for yourself. VICKIE: (Opens the book, reads.) You’re sure Babs and Wally are in on it? LYNNE: They’re not real students, the rats. They’re out to destroy Kokonut High. VICKIE: (Looks through the book.) This looks like heavy stuff. LYNNE: It is. They’d kill to get that book back. VICKIE: You know too much. LYNNE: So do you. VICKIE: Tom will know what to do. LYNNE: Good idea. Give it back. (She takes the book.) Let’s get to the pier as fast as we can. (They quickly move RIGHT but are stopped by the voices of WOLCOTT and BARBARA.) BARBARA’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) They went this way. WALCOTT’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) I know. BARBARA’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) They can’t get far. (LYNNE and VICKIE come to a screeching halt.) VICKIE: (In a panic.) What are we going to do now? LYNNE: Find someplace to hide. VICKIE: Where? LYNNE: (Looks about, points to the dressing screen in Hospitality Hut.) I’ll hide behind the screen. (She points to a big shrub bush.) You hide there. VICKIE: You’re not leaving me out here in the open. WALCOTT’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Wait ’til I get my hands on that kid. (LYNNE grabs VICKIE by the hand. They hustle into the Hospitality Hut and duck behind the screen just as WOLCOTT and BARBARA ENTER RIGHT.)

For preview40 only BARBARA: She has to be around here somewhere. A person can’t evaporate into thin air. WALCOTT: If she gives that book to the wrong people we’re in big trouble. Any sign of her? BARBARA: No. (At this point they are standing center.) She was running this way. WALCOTT: That Vickie was with her. BARBARA: They looked like marathon runners. WALCOTT: What are we going to do? (The dressing screen begins to move. LYNNE and VICKIE are using it as walking camouflage. The screen moves from the Hospitality Hut. OTHERS don’t notice.) BARBARA: They’ll have to turn up sooner or later. (Dressing screen stops.) WALCOTT: They could bury the book. (Dressing screen moves LEFT.) BARBARA: She could drop it in the mail. WALCOTT: The Island Grasshopper picks up and delivers mail. BARBARA: Then we’d better check the Island Grasshopper. (Dressing screen moves RIGHT.) WALCOTT: Maybe we should check Lynne’s and Vickie’s hut? BARBARA: Good thinking, Wally. (Dressing screen quickly EXITS RIGHT.) Either it’s that book or it’s our necks. (BARBARA and WOLCOTT EXIT RIGHT at a fast pace. They’re OUT. Pause. The dressing screen appears from DOWN RIGHT and, as fast as the ACTRESSES can maneuver it, crosses the STAGE to DOWN LEFT and OUT. As it disappears we hear ROY BOY’S VOICE.) ROY BOY’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Mrs. Hawkins! Hey, Mrs. Hawkins. You got company. ROY BOY: (ENTERS LEFT.) Company, Mrs. Hawkins! Company! (He crosses to RIGHT and OUT. The STAGE remains empty for a moment, and then MRS. HAWKINS ENTERS FROM RIGHT.) MRS. HAWKINS: Roy Boy? Roy Boy? Was that you? MICKEY/BUDDY: (ENTER DOWN LEFT and cross the STAGE. They wear tank tops and cut-offs. One or both carries a surfboard. Or they might wear snorkel gear with flippers. Each has a towel slung over his shoulder.) Hi, Mrs. Hawkins. CORDELIA: Boys. EARL: (Dashes IN from DOWN RIGHT. MAW CAWAWKEE, follows, tough not “dashing” in.) Roy Boy says we’ve got new students. BUDDY: Don’t look at us.

For preview41 only MICKEY: We’re not new. EARL/MAW CAWAWKEE: (Disappointed.) Oh. BUDDY: Some ladies are coming to see you, Mrs. Hawkins. CORDELIA: What ladies? MICKEY: They got off a launch. CORDELIA: I wonder who they could be? BUDDY: They said they were from the Florida Board of Education. EARL/CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: Oh, no. MICKEY: Something about accreditation. EARL/CORDELIA/MAW CAWAWKEE: Oh, no. BUDDY: They asked us how many teachers you had on the faculty, but we told them we didn’t know. MAW CAWAWKEE: What are we going to do, Cordelia? CORDELIA: I wish I knew. EARL: (Has a brainstorm.) I know! I’m going to need your help, guys. BUDDY: For what? EARL: Don’t worry about a thing, Mom. CORDELIA: You keep saying that. (EARL gets behind MICKEY and BUDDY and pushes them OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) TOM’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) The Hospitality Hut is up ahead a few steps. CORDELIA: It’s Tom. MAW CAWAWKEE: With them accreditation ladies. CORDELIA: I knew we wouldn’t get away with it. (TOM ENTERS with THREE LADIES. One is VANESSA’S mother, MRS. CRAWFORD. Another is LYNNE’S mother, MRS. SMITH. The third is VICKIE’S mother, MRS. SNOW.) TOM: (Gestures toward CORDELIA.) That’s Mrs. Hawkins. Cordelia, meet… CORDELIA: (Sighs.) I know who they are. MAW CAWAWKEE: The ladies from the Florida Board of Education. MRS. SMITH: Don’t be silly. I’m Mrs. Smith. I’m here to see my daughter Lynne. MRS. SNOW: I’m Mrs. Snow. I’m here to see my daughter Vickie. MRS. CRAWFORD: I’m Mrs. Crawford. I demand to see my daughter Vanessa. CORDELIA: I wasn’t planning on visitors quite so soon. MRS. CRAWFORD: My daughter writes that she’s perfectly miserable here.

For preview42 only CORDELIA: I don’t believe that. Vanessa’s happy at Kokonut High. MRS. SMITH: Mrs. Crawford was good enough to contact Mrs. Snow and myself. Having heard how unhappy Vanessa was, we decided to see things for ourselves. MRS. SNOW: If they’re anything like Vanessa describes in her letters, I will take my daughter out of Kokonut High immediately and demand a full refund. MAW CAWAWKEE: Oh, how I hate that word. MRS. SMITH: Where is Lynne? MRS. SNOW: Where is Vickie? MRS. CRAWFORD: Where is Vanessa? CORDELIA: Uh, uh, uh... TOM: They’re probably studying. In their huts. MOTHERS: Huts?! MRS. CRAWFORD: Ladies, it’s worse than I thought. TOM: (A bit ill at ease.) Ah, Mrs. Hawkins, I believe I’ll head on back down to the dock. (HE EXITS DOWN LEFT, hurriedly.) CORDELIA: You show them the huts, Mrs. Cawawkee. MAW CAWAWKEE: Follow me, girls. MOTHERS: (Outraged.) Girls?! MRS. SMITH: And who might you be? MAW CAWAWKEE: I’m the school dietician. MRS. CRAWFORD: A likely story. MRS. SNOW: He did say huts? MRS. CRAWFORD/MRS. SMITH: (Confirming.) Huts. MAW CAWAWKEE: This way ladies. (Starts to EXIT DOWN RIGHT. She’s out. MOTHERS follow.) MRS. CRAWFORD: Poor Vanessa. MRS. SNOW: Poor Vickie. MRS. SMITH: Poor Lynne. (They’re OUT. ) CORDELIA: (CROSSING DOWNSTAGE.) Poor me. What could possibly happen next? (We see the dressing screen move back INTO VIEW from OFFSTAGE RIGHT, into the Hospitality Hut and back into position. We still can’t see LYNNE and VICKIE, who are hiding behind it.) MABEL: (ENTERS LEFT along with LOUISE. If possible, they are wearing nurses’ uniforms. If not, at least nurses’ caps. MABEL is carrying a medical bag.) I never thought I’d be back on this atoll. LOUISE: Just goes to show. Nothing in life is certain. CORDELIA: (Amazed.) Miss Carpenter! Miss Russell!

For preview43 only MABEL: Let’s cut the chitchat short, Mrs. Hawkins. We want to get off the island as fast as possible. LOUISE: Where is he? CORDELIA: Who? MABEL: The patient. Swampy. We’ve been sent to get him. CORDELIA: You’ve been sent to get Swampy? LOUISE: Just tell us where he is. CORDELIA: I don’t know. He wanders anywhere he wants. MABEL: Let’s try his hut. (LOUISE and MABEL cross RIGHT.) LOUISE: We may have to give him a hypo. MABEL: It would be a pleasure. (They’re OUT.) MISS WARREN: (ENTERS LEFT, followed by MISS HOLMES. They are academic types. Each carries a steno pad and pencil.) We’re looking for Mrs. Cordelia Hawkins. CORDELIA: I’m Mrs. Hawkins. MISS HOLMES: Splendid. MISS WARREN: I’m Millicent Warren and this is Winifred Holmes. (CORDELIA tenses, knows what’s coming.) MISS HOLMES: From the Florida Board of Education. MISS WARREN: Accreditation Department. (EARL, BETTY and SUKY slide IN from DOWN RIGHT. Obviously EARL has told BETTY and SUKY about the new arrivals.) MISS HOLMES: We’re here to investigate Kokonut High. We want to make certain it’s up to standard. There have been rumors that Kokonut High doesn’t even have a faculty. BETTY: Rumors? MISS WARREN: Letters. ISLANDERS: No faculty? Ha, ha, ha. EARL: Kokonut Island isn’t a state school. It doesn’t need accreditation. MISS HOLMES: That’s true. But without accreditation, no one will accept a Kokonut High diploma as proof of a high school education. What good is a diploma that’s worthless? MISS WARREN: It’s all routine. We’re sure everything’s in order. MISS HOLMES: How many are on the faculty? CORDELIA: Uh, uh, uh... EARL: At the moment... BETTY/SUKY: Four. (MISS HOLMES and MISS WARREN write in their steno books.) EARL: However, the history teacher is in quarantine at the moment. MISS WARREN: Why is that? BETTY: Island fever. Too much sun. For preview44 only MISS HOLMES: What’s his name? EARL: S.W. Ampy, Ph.D. MISS WARREN/MISS HOLMES: (Write.) S.W. Ampy. MISS WARREN: Who else? EARL: Uh, uh, uh. The rest of our faculty are sisters from the great state of Hawaii. There’s uh, Sue Wau. (Pronounce the last name like the word “wow.”) Ph.D. Geometry. MISS HOLMES: (Writes.) Good, good. BETTY: Lou Wau. (“Wow.”) Ph.D. Chemistry. MISS HOLMES: (Writes.) Good, good. SUKY: And uh, uh, Bau Wau (“Bow Wow.”), B.A., M.A., Ph.D., IRS, BVD, in veterinary medicine. MISS WARREN: Well, Winifred, it’s a very impressive start for a faculty. Four Ph.D. degrees. MISS HOLMES: We’d like to meet them. CORDELIA: Uh...uh...uh... EARL: No problem. (He moves RIGHT and calls OFFSTAGE.) Ladies, are we ready? VOICES: (From OFF RIGHT, falsetto.) Coming. EARL: Actually, Miss Holmes, Miss Warren, the ladies have prepared a little welcome for you. MISS HOLMES: How delightful. EARL: (Speaks.) So, without further adieu, representing the faculty of Kokonut High, here they are... the fabulous Wau Sisters! (BUDDY, MICKEY and ROY BOY ENTER. BUDDY is dressed as SUE WAU, MICKEY as LOU WAU and ROY BOY as BAU WAU. MUSIC CUE 5: “Little Wahini Baby.” Of course, dressed in Hawaiian drag and singing in falsetto, they should all look and sound as ridiculous as possible.) BUDDY/MICKEY/ROY BOY: (Sing, in falsetto.) I’m just a hula, hula, boola, boola, Little wahini baby from Hawaii. A hookie, hookie, snookie, snookie, Little kapookie hula dancer girl. I’m just a hula, hula, boola, boola, Little wahini cutie from Hawaii. A new-ee, poo-ee, loony-toony, Little kahuni hula dancer girl. We welcome you, aloha, as we Move a little mo-a (“More.”) in the moonlight. Dancing to the rhythm of the Music on the Kealapupee (Pronounced “Kay-a-la-poo-pee.”) shore, For preview45 only While my pretty flower lai (They pronounce it “lay-ee.”) and my Grass skirt a-sway-ee, it’s a fine sight. We’ll wiggle away the evening till you’re Simply gonna wanna ask for more. BUDDY: (Sings.) With my hookie, hookie hips. (Bump left, bump right.) MICKEY: (Sings.) And my hookie, hookie dips. (Dip left, dip right.) ROY BOY: (Sings.) With my hookie, hookie hands. (Hands in the air, left and right.) ALL THREE: (Sing.) And my pookie, pookie lips. (Blow kisses to audience; kiss left, kiss right.) I’m just a hula, hula, boola, boola, Little wahini baby from Hawaii. A hookie, hookie, snookie, snookie, Little kapookie hula dancer girl. (DANCE INTERLUDE. The tempo of the MUSIC changes to a FAST HAWAIIAN DANCE a la Hawaiian Fire Dance.) MICKEY/ROY BOY: (Presenting SUE WAU to others; speak in rhythm.) Tikki tikki, nikki nikki, looka Sue Wau! (BUDDY performs a flourishing four bar SOLO DANCE.) BUDDY/ROY BOY: (Presenting LOU WAU; speak in rhythm.) Tikki tikki, nikki nikki, looka Lou Wau! (MICKEY performs a flourishing four bar SOLO DANCE.) BUDDY/MICKEY: (Presenting BAU WAU; speak in rhythm.) Mekka lekka, high mekka, looka Bau Wau! (ROY BOY performs a flourishing four beat SOLO DANCE.) ALL THREE: (Shout in rhythm.) Boom chaka laka laka. Boom chaka laka laka. (A grunt.) Uh! Let’s go! (The DANCE becomes fast, furious and outrageous, a la Three Stooges.) Uh! Uh! (A shout.) Boom chaka laka laka. Boom chaka laka laka. (Sing.) I’m just a hula, hula, boola, boola, Little wahini baby from Hawaii. A hookie, hookie, snookie, snookie, Little kapookie hula dancer girl. I’m just a hula, hula, boola, boola, Little wahini cutie from Hawaii. A new-ee, poo-ee, loony-toony,

For preview46 only Little kahuni hula dancer girl. A hookie, hookie, snookie, snookie, Little kapookie hula dancer girl. A new-ee, poo-ee, loony-toony, Little kahuni hula dancer girl. (They curtsey.) BETTY: (At end of song.) Now that you’ve met the faculty, we hope you’re satisfied. BUDDY: (Still as SUE WAU.) We’d like to stay but we got some papers to grade. MICKEY: (Also in falsetto.) Work, work, work. ROY BOY: (Same.) Nice meeting you. ALL THREE: Come again sometime. MISS HOLMES: Something’s funny here. MISS WARREN: Stay right where you are. BUDDY: I think I hear a fire alarm.(MISS HOLMES and MISS WARREN cross over to get a better look at the “faculty.” BUDDY, MICKEY and ROY BOY hoist skirts and run OFF RIGHT. Immediately they give a yell.) ALL THREE: Auuuuuugh! (They run back IN. Following them are LOUISE, MABEL and TOM. They are being chased by SWAMPY, who is waving a sword and an old pistol. MUSIC CUE 5a: “Chase Music — Instrumental.”) SWAMPY: I’m a pirate! I’m a pirate! I’m a real pirate! MISS HOLMES/MISS WARREN: Eeeeeeeek! ([NOTE: Depending on the size of your STAGE, you may wish to bring on more CHARACTERS, e.g., BARBARA, WALCOTT. Good opportunity for lively CHASE SCENE. To give a silent movie effect, FLICKER THE LIGHTS.] BETTY and SUKY EXIT DOWN RIGHT. TOM EXITS DOWN LEFT. EARL and CORDELIA run into Hospitality Hut. LYNNE and VICKIE come out from behind the dressing screen and run OFF RIGHT. The OTHERS, in a panic, run around in a circle, led by BUDDY, MICKEY and ROY BOY. SWAMPY is ferocious as he waves pistol and sword in threatening fashion.) SWAMPY: I’ll make you walk the plank! I’ll bury you in the sand! I’ll make you salute the Jolly Roger! (OTHERS yell, continue to run in a circle with SWAMPY chasing. TOM runs IN DOWN LEFT with a straightjacket and chases after the MOB as “FACULTY” and OTHERS run OUT RIGHT, screaming in fear of their lives.) I’m a real pirate! Yo, ho, ho! Yo, ho, ho! (MUSIC OUT. BLACKOUT.)

End Of Scene Nine

For preview47 only Scene Ten

LIGHTS UP: Shortly thereafter on the island. The STAGE is EMPTY. LIEUTENANT SUTTON ENTERS DOWN RIGHT along with PETTY OFFICER JONES.

LIEUTENANT SUTTON: I heard voices. I know I heard voices. PETTY OFFICER JONES: I heard voices. I know I heard voices. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: Don’t repeat everything I say, Petty Officer Jones. PETTY OFFICER JONES: (Comes to attention, salutes.) No, sir. Don’t repeat everything you say. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: There must be someone about. PETTY OFFICER JONES: Seems logical, sir. (SOUND of HAND WHISTLE from OFF RIGHT.) TOM’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Island Grasshopper leaves in five minutes. TOM: (ENTERS, crosses LEFT. Gives hand whistle another toot.) Island Grasshopper leaves in four minutes and fifty-five seconds. (LYNNE, VICKIE and VANESSA ENTER RIGHT, pursued by their MOTHERS. They take STAGE in front of the Hospitality Hut. COAST GUARD PERSONNEL and TOM observe.) VANESSA: I’m not leaving, Mother, I’m eighteen. LYNNE: Kokonut High may be weird, but it’s a lot of fun. VICKIE: If we live long enough to enjoy it. MRS. SMITH: But, Lynne, we saw a crazed maniac with our own eyes. MRS. SNOW: This is not a healthy environment. LYNNE: Don’t pay any attention to Swampy. He’s harmless... most of the time. MRS. CRAWFORD: But, Vanessa, you’ve been writing me those horrible letters, telling me how miserable you were. VANESSA: Every letter I wrote said how happy I was. I wrote one a little while ago and gave it to Babs to mail. TOM: (Takes out letter.) Is this the letter? VANESSA: Let me see. (She crosses to TOM.) That’s it. (She opens the envelope, takes out letter. Reads with astonishment.) “Dear Mother... I can’t tell you how unhappy I am. There are no teachers. The water is polluted and the food is gross. Your loving daughter, Vanessa.” (Angry.) I never wrote that. LYNNE: I know who did. Babs Drake. She and her brother are in

For preview48 only cahoots with some syndicate that’s trying to take over the island any way it can. They’re crooks. MRS. SMITH: That’s a serious charge, Lynne. MRS. SNOW: Do you have any proof? VICKIE: You bet she does. LYNNE: (Holds up the black book.) It’s all written down in here. VICKIE: Wait until the FBI reads it. (WALCOTT and BARBARA ENTER RIGHT.) WALCOTT: Look! She’s got the book! BARBARA: Quiet, Wally. LYNNE: I bet it was Babs who wrote to the Florida Board of Education. WALCOTT: They’re on to us. What do we do now? BARBARA: Let’s get back to the yacht. Act nonchalant. (BARBARA moves LEFT. WALCOTT grabs the book.) WALCOTT: Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s not polite to steal? LIEUTENANT SUTTON: (To WOLCOTT.) Excuse me, Sir. WALCOTT: I’m in a hurry. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: Does that yacht anchored in the harbor belong to you? WALCOTT: It belongs to the syndi…ah… my employers. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: I’m having it seized. BARBARA/WALCOTT: Seized! LIEUTENANT SUTTON: That yacht is suspected of everything from gun running to smuggling tropical parrots. BARBARA: We don’t know anything about parrots. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: You’ll have to return to Miami with me. WALCOTT: Make us. LIEUTENANT SUTTON: (Draws his sidearm.) Get that book, Petty Officer Jones. (PETTY OFFICER JONES grabs the book. LIEUTENANT SUTTON motions with the gun.) Let’s have no trouble. We don’t want anyone to get hurt. Just to be safe, put your hands up. (WOLCOTT and BARBARA lift hands over their heads.) March. BARBARA: It’s all a misunderstanding. We’re victims of a plot. (Dejected, she and WOLCOTT EXIT LEFT. LIEUTENANT SUTTON and PETTY OFFICER JONES follow with the book.) MRS. SNOW: What did I say? This is not a healthy environment. VICKIE: It won’t do any good, Mother. I’m staying. LYNNE: So am I. BUDDY: That’s the way all the kids feel.

For preview49 only MRS. CRAWFORD: There has to be a way to get you girls off this island, and we’re going to find it. TOM: Island Grasshopper is set to leave. MRS. SMITH: We’ll go, but we’ll be back. (She, MRS. CRAWFORD and MRS. SNOW EXIT LEFT. MABEL and LOUISE ENTER RIGHT.) MABEL: This island just gets worse and worse. LOUISE: And worse. TOM: Where’s Swampy? MABEL: We don’t know. LOUISE: We don’t care. MABEL: We’re nurses. LOUISE: Not veterinarians. (They EXIT LEFT. MISS WARREN and MISS HOLMES ENTER LEFT. CORDELIA is behind them, along with BETTY, SUKY, MAW CAWAWKEE, EARL, BUDDY, MICKEY and ROY BOY, in or out of drag.) MISS WARREN: I’m sorry, Mrs. Hawkins. But accreditation for stateside purposes is out of the question. MISS HOLMES: Especially after what we’ve seen here today. EARL: You mean we can’t have a high school? MISS WARREN: Not unless you have qualified teachers. MISS HOLMES: And we don’t mean Miss Phelps, Miss Grubb and Miss Pooch. (Groans of disappointment.) MISS WARREN: We’d better move along, Miss Holmes. That madman might make another appearance. (She crosses LEFT and OUT.) MISS HOLMES: (Scoffs.) I’m a real pirate. (She crosses LEFT and OUT. CORDELIA steps CENTER. OTHERS take a step toward her.) CORDELIA: (Forces herself to smile.) You can’t say we didn’t try. MAW CAWAWKEE: Don’t give up the ship. TOM: Something good is bound to happen. BETTY: You’re not the only pebble on the beach, Tom Scrimshaw. SUKY: You’re not the only fish in the sea. TOM: What did I say? (TED and EVA stumble IN from DOWN RIGHT. They look worse than ever, barely alive. They collapse on the bench, gasping for breath like fish out of water.) ROY BOY: Look. It’s Mr. and Mrs. Parker. They’re back. CORDELIA: Did you have a nice walk? (TED and EVA can’t answer. They continue to gasp for air.) MAW CAWAWKEE: I hate to say it, but it looks like Kokonut High is finished.

For preview50 only STUDENTS: Oooooooooo. MILDRED: (ENTERS DOWN LEFT. She is waving what looks like an insurance policy.) Hello, Mrs. Hawkins. Remember me? Atwater, Seawater and Float? CORDELIA: I remember you. MAW CAWAWKEE: How could she forget? MILDRED: You know how the firm is about personal contact. Seems there was one thing I neglected to mention. It’s in the extra small print. EARL: You mean we do get something? MILDRED: The extra small print states clearly that, in the event of a hurricane or a snowstorm, the policy holder will owe Atwater, Seawater and Float an inconvenience fee. CORDELIA: You mean I owe the insurance company for being hit by a hurricane? MILDRED: I’m afraid so. It amounts to... (Checks policy.) eleven thousand, four hundred dollars and thirty-seven cents. Payment is overdue. (OTHERS react.) So nice seeing you again. Isn’t it a lovely day? (She EXITS DOWN LEFT, all smiles.) CORDELIA: That does it. We’d better start packing. MAW CAWAWKEE: This time next year I’ll be living in a rooming house. In the shabby part of town. SUKY/ROY BOY: Aw, Maw. SWAMPY: (ENTERS RIGHT. Sword and pistol back in his belt.) Yo, ho, mateys. STUDENTS: Swampy! (ALL jump back.) SWAMPY: Nothing to be afraid of. I got a little overexcited, that’s all. MICKEY: A little overexcited? SWAMPY: I told Captain Kidd I’d say good-bye for him. He had to go back. VICKIE: (Humors him.) Back where? SWAMPY: Wherever ghosts go. How should I know? I don’t ask questions. He’s got a mean temper. SUKY: You should forget about Captain Kidd. SWAMPY: Why should I? VANESSA: You were hallucinating, Swampy. SWAMPY: Think so? Come on, Roy Boy. Give me a hand. (He runs OFF RIGHT. ROY BOY follows.) CORDELIA: I suspect the Bank of Greater Miami will be here any minute. LYNNE: It’s not fair.

For preview51 only VICKIE: It’s your island, Mrs. Hawkins. CORDELIA: It was. MAW CAWAWKEE: Time’s running out fast. BUDDY: We did the best we could, Mrs. Hawkins. CORDELIA: I know you did. You’re a nice bunch of kids. SWAMPY’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Stand back! Everybody stand back! ROY BOY’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) This is heavy. SWAMPY’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Only natural. (ALL look OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) AD LIBS: What have they got? What’s that chest? What can it be? Looks old. SWAMPY’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Make way. Make way. (He and ROY BOY ENTER. They carry an old chest between them. They move CENTER and set it down. OTHERS gather around.) LYNNE: What is it? VICKIE: Looks like an old pirate chest. SWAMPY: That’s what it is. Since Captain Kidd had to go back, he said Kokonut Island might as well have it. He showed me where it was buried. Have a look. (He flings back the lid. OTHERS gawk. The chest is filled with large gold coins. SWAMPY gets down on one knee and scoops up some, letting the coins slip through his fingers.) Gold! Gold! Gold! OTHERS: Gold! SWAMPY: There’s plenty more where this come from. TOM: (Investigates.) Treasure from a Spanish galleon. Mrs. Hawkins, this find is worth millions! OTHERS: Millions?! CORDELIA: Will there be enough to pay off all my debts? (Laughter.) TOM: More than enough. VANESSA: You’ll be able to hire real teachers. MICKEY: You can be accredited stateside. LYNNE: Kokonut High is saved! OTHERS: Saved! VICKIE: Thank you, Swampy. SWAMPY: Don’t thank me. Thank Captain Kidd. (Laughter.) MAW CAWAWKEE: I’m going to prepare a feast. How about macaroni and cheese? (Laughs at unpleasant faces. MUSIC CUE 5b: “A Graduate Of Kokonut High — Reprise.”) STUDENTS: (Shout.) Kokonut High! Kokonut High! Rah! Rah! Rah!

For preview52 only (Sing.)A graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, I go to Kokonut High! A graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, I go to Kokonut High! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I go to Kokonut High! GIRLS: (Sing.) BOYS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! A graduate of Kokonut High. I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! Every day, nine to five, I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I go to Kokonut High! I go to Kokonut High! (The following THREE STANZAS are sung as a TRIO.) A FEW VOICES: (Sing.) Ooo, ooo, I go to Kokonut High! GIRLS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, I go to Kokonut High! BOYS: (Sing.) I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I go to Kokonut High! (The following THREE STANZAS are sung as a TRIO.) A FEW VOICES: (Sing.) Ooo, ooo, GIRLS: (Sing.) A graduate of Kokonut High. A graduate of Kokonut High. Every day, nine to five, BOYS: (Sing.) I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! I love de Kokonut, Kokonut, Kokonut! ALL: (Sing.) I go to Kokonut, I go to Kokonut, I go to Kokonut High! (DIRECT SEGUE to: Music Cue 6: “Kokonut Island Epilogue.”

For preview53 only ENTIRE COMPANY slowly wanders onto the stage and sings.) ALL: (Sing.) Island—come to Kokonut Island. All de day we got sunshine water blue as de sky. Hey you, come to Kokonut Island. Promise you gonna feel fine, Friend, let me tell you why. WOMEN: (Sing.) Palm trees—we got plenty of palm trees, Sandy beaches and jungles, All for you to explore. MEN: (Sing.) Laughter—we got plenty of laughter, People playing together. ALL: (Sing.) You will find anywhere you go you’ll love de Island—come to Kokonut Island. Life is simple and easy, In this tropical land. Come now, come to Kokonut Island. Life—it’s sultry and breezy, Live de life while you can. Live de life while you can. Live de life while you can!

END OF PLAY

MUSIC CUE 7: “Curtain Call.”

For preview54 only PRODUCTION NOTES PROPERTIES ON STAGE: Three-sided hut with desk and chair, paper, pen, envelopes, clipboard on desk, dressing screen, small table with paper cups, chair, sign reading Hospitality Hut, three wooden benches, tropical (brightly colored) shrubs including one large enough to hide behind. BROUGHT ON, Scene One: Old straw hat (MAW); sword, pistol, eye patch, stuffed parrot (SWAMPY); luggage (EARL); skipper’s cap (TOM); land crab [toy] (ROY BOY); attaché case containing three letters in envelopes (MILDRED); suitcase (MABEL, LOUISE); handkerchief (TED); corsage (EVA). BROUGHT ON, Scene Two: Newspaper (MICKEY). BROUGHT ON, Scene Three: Broom, apron (BETTY); rag (TOM); basket with fruit, heavy luggage (ROY BOY); rag (EARL); backpacks (STUDENTS). BROUGHT ON, Scene Four: Black book (BARBARA). BROUGHT ON, Scene Five: Suitcase/backpack (WALCOTT, BARBARA); pistol, sword (CAPTAIN KIDD). BROUGHT ON, Scene Six: Crutch (TED); arm sling (EVA). BROUGHT ON, Scene Seven: Black book (BARBARA); magazine [in hut] (WOLCOTT). BROUGHT ON, Scene Eight: Holster with toy gun (SUTTON, JONES). BROUGHT ON, Scene Nine: Black book (LYNNE); glass, dishcloth (MAW); towel, surfboard or snorkel/scuba gear (MICKEY, BUDDY); medical bag (MABEL); steno pad and pencil (MISS WARREN, MISS HOLMES). BROUGHT ON, Scene Ten: Letter in envelope, whistle (TOM); black book (LYNNE); insurance policy (MILDRED); pirate chest with gold coins, jewels (SWAMPY, ROY BOY). OTHER NOTES SOUND: Birds, ocean waves, boat whistle or horn, thunderstorm, hand whistle. COSTUMES: Whatever would be logical, as suggested by the

For preview55 only script. MAW, ROY BOY and SUKY might look “native.” Big laugh if you can make TED and EVA’S clothing more and more tattered as they wander the island. For this you may need more than one costume each. SWAMPY should look like Captain Crunch or some cartoon pirate. CAPTAIN KIDD, however, should look like the real thing. Make him as much like a threatening storybook pirate as possible. Coast Guard personnel should wear uniforms, but anything that looks “Naval” will work. The big costume moment is when BUDDY, MICKEY and ROY BOY show up pretending to be female members of the faculty. We can assume they got the clothing from guests who left it behind. The funnier you make these costumes, the bigger the laugh. They should wear foolish hats. Instead of a wig, one might have a mop on his head, etc. One might dress like Carmen Miranda. FLEXIBLE CASTING: Adjust to your needs. Any number of roles can be played either female or male: MILDRED could become MISTER HUTTON, WALCOTT could become WANDA. PETTY OFFICER JONES could be male. LIEUTENANT SUTTON could be female. MISS WARREN could be MISTER WARREN. MISS HOLMES could be MISTER HOLMES, etc. A minor line change here or there is all that it takes. CAPTAIN KIDD’S ENTRANCE: It should be scary. Thunder, lights. Remember, CAPTAIN KIDD is a threat. PIRATE CHEST: Any chest will do, but it should look as if it’s been buried for a long time. To the gold coins you can add glittering jewelry. Since the chest solves the plot’s problem, make it special. For example, when the lid flies back you might darken the scene and have flashing lights (supposedly the wealth within the chest) bounce about the stage. PACING: This is vital. Once the play begins, the pace must never slacken. It must move. The second one scene ends the other is beginning. Avoid choppiness. Pacing is particularly important in the last scene when character after character briefly appear only to exit. Moving fast will get a laugh, moving slow won’t. There’s a lot of action in the play so watch the blocking, don’t allow any scene to ”clutter.” Remember the vital rules of wacky comedy: speak loud, pick up cues, move fast and have fun!

For preview56 only Thank you for reading this E-view.

This E-view script from Pioneer Drama Service will stay permanently in your Pioneer Library, so you can view it whenever you log in on our website. Please feel free to save it as a pdf document to your computer if you wish to share it via email with colleagues assisting you with your show selection.

To produce this show, you can order scripts for your cast and crew and arrange for performance royalties via our website or by phone, fax, or mail.

If you’d like advice on other plays or musicals to read, our customer service representatives are happy to assist you when you call 800.333.7262 during normal business hours.

Thank you for your interest in our plays and musicals.

www.pioneerdrama.com 800.333.7262 Outside of North America 303.779.4035 Fax 303.779.4315 PO Box 4267 Englewood, CO 80155-4267

We’re here to help! DIRECTORS LOVE PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE

CHOOSE HOW YOU RECEIVE YOUR SCRIPTS. We give you more delivery options than any other publisher for receiving both your preview scripts and your full production orders. See our website for more about our many electronic delivery options for both preview and production orders.

TRUST OUR INTEGRITY. Our family-owned and operated company is proud to offer wholesome scripts appropriate for children’s and community theatres, schools, and churches.

STAY WITHIN A REASONABLE BUDGET. Our affordable scripts offer straightforward costuming, trouble-free props and stage effects, and sets that can be as simple or as elaborate as you desire.

MAINTAIN CONTROL OF YOUR CASTING. We help you tailor your play for your specific cast size, not the other way around.

BE ORIGINAL. Get access to fresh, new musicals that let your actors practice true character development instead of simply mimicking Disney or the musicals that are done over and over again.

ENJOY FLEXIBLE PRODUCTION OPTIONS. All Pioneer Drama plays and musicals can be licensed for traditional, livestreamed, recorded, or online performances. Once you’ve set up your royalties, you can switch your performance type with no restrictions if your plans change.