Students first it's 363 Hackerman calls purge Noted Russian political Kissoff and his cohorts soon dissident Navel Kissoff will took to writing naughty poems speak on campus next making allegations that THiesday on "Making A Living Leonid Brezhnev was having w As A Dissident In The USA." an illicit affair with Lenin's corpse, later becoming so bold The Rice Kissoff, who was deported from the USSR in 1976, was as to whitewash nasty one of the leaders of an limericks on the elephants and underground organization of hippopotami. He was impri- disaffected zoo workers in the soned, however, not for this Moscow Zoo, where he swept activity, which secretly out the polar bear cage. amused the KGB, but for Unhappy about their working publicly protesting Lenin- days early t' conditions, Kissoff and grad's plans to annex Clear Trasher Lake City. several of his fellow workers volume 66, number 30% sunday, april 1, 1979 began to circulate pamphlets A graduate of the Soviet decrying the Soviet govern- Institute for the Education of ment for permitting such Congenital Idiots, Kissoff is Blankets declared non-taxable conditions to exist. the grandson of Anal Kissoff, In a recent previously a former of the janitorial staff of the student body. I used to play Reaction on the street to the of the Kremlin and the son of unannounced referendum, an wiffle ball. Members of the senior referendum was mixed, but h Nasal Kissoff, who used to run attempt to increase the cover class were excluded in the count most students asked why one the paper shredder for the tax allotment of the Trasher because they won't be here next would want to tax blankets i ir..i KGB. With his resulting to $15 per student apparently year, and the freshmen were anyway. Spingle. Trasher background in high-level passed. A section to make the discounted because they haven't editor for life, Fillup Packet, government paperwork, Navel increase retroactive to the past been here long enough to know expressed disappointment in Kissoff has been able to study seven classes was also approved. better. Persons under sixty-five not receiving the extra the disparities between inches tall were also not counted $140,000 the retroactive levy At presstime the measure because "Short people got no would yield. "There were a lot Marxist Pavlov and the Red A had fulfilled one condition cruth. reason...," explained Bunnie C. of things I wanted to do. First I required for passage; over Give'em Hell, Director of Student wanted to knock a hole in the Kissoff will speak at 7:30pm sixty-three percent of those Lacktivities and trusted advisor. wall between the Trasher and in Hammered Hall (God and participating in the midnight "Besides, the Trasher are good the Allmoney Office and the Sheepherder's School of balloting had voted in favor of folks and need the money." I had a convert that area into a Money willing) on Saturday, the measure. Craddly. plastic bat, too. I clubbed kitty massage parlor and pinbali April 1 (if anyone comes) and However, it initially appeared with it. arcade. Then I would make the will haul it out of town right that not enough (not even) had The 56 votes cast represented RMC into the best disco death after to avoid students who are participated in the plebiscite 35.00001 percent of the corrected rink you ever saw." angry at the waste of money to make it valid. student body. When I'm really bad involved in bringing him to In an after-midnight conference I get to stay up and watch Connie Navel Kissoff campus. Packet has reportedly asked it was decided to redefine the size Stevens movies. the Senile Association for T 1 permission to sell the Trasher h equipment to his brother u Bovravaln flu epidemic strikes campus Small Packet. Even though he something produced to please consistently bad, week after "TRGs shop at Sage. is only twelve years old, he has the consumer that goes very week. (And remember, smart girls." Do you shop at already bought out several wrong. It might be one of reliability of badness is Sage? If everyone refused to other bankrupt papers in When was the last time you many phenomenally bad synonymous with job security shop there until they nuked Texas. to today's video hacks.) their ad agency for those Present Trasher business •1. i really appreciated badness? commercials on the telly, tj Was it this afternoon when depositing its 60-second Unfortunately, badness can horrible billboards, we could manager Sleaze Seltser is i you hiked out to the Siberia lot existence on your brain to sink (and does) sell the product. Do abolish for all time that expected to leave soon to <, and your car wouldn't start? in at a later date, or a 60 images of destruction dance particular variety of vile, evil accept a position at UH handling the university's nJ Or this evening when you sat minute show that leaves you into your mind when you hear badness, and clean up down to "dinner" in the begging for the return of the "Ring around the collar, Houston at the same time, short term investments. commons. commercials. Bad commer- RING AROUND THE (continued on page 8) Do you even notice badness? cials are easy to make, because COLLARF Do people revolt \ It's there. There is no way to it isn't difficult to be bad for, at at the sound of these words avoid it. It is not about to go most, 60 seconds. A really bad and storm their local Bunnies mainlining show is something else again. supermarkets, destroying ' ) u away. Every facet of life can or 4 does involve badness in one Imagine the weeks upon weeks every single container of Rice biology professor H.R. blender. We had to get another V way or another—you might as of work that go into the Wis/2™ that they can find? No. Bernard, brother of the one custom made out of real well learn to appreciate it. writing and production of just They buy it in ever-increasing famous physicist Lazlo E. stainless steel so we could put BAD is a fairly difficult one episode of Wonder quantities. (Wisk™ is now the Bernard, is busy working on a it through our little dish- % new method of intravenous washer." H concept to nail down. It Woman, and imagine how #1 selling liquid detergent in generally takes the form of hard it is to stay that the country.) injection feeding. In most of "Also, we've /-a J this today's hospitals, solutions occasional problen with t:ie are administered to the patient mixture getting to th? hearts on a continuous basis. of the rabbits (we're tryir.' tnis Injections usually consist of stuff out on rabbits now; that's an expensive mixture of saline why I'm using carrots, 'cause solution and elementary blood rabbits love carrots) and sugars such as glucose. stoppin' 'em up. But we've Bernard is working on a found that if you take your sy-'em by which ordinary food and leave it on puree for foc„.s can be prepared and about ten minutes and then injected directly into the on mix for another five and bloodstream, this aboiding the then bang the whole thing on expensive process of refining 'the table several times to get % glucose and other complex the air bubbles out that it ! organic food substances. doesn't seem to do too much *A We watched as Dr. Bernard harm most of the time." •,ii st uffed a head of lettuce, three Bernard is also working on carrots and a cucumber into a methods of intravenously 1 blender. Slowly taking his feeding fish to cats and apples cuisinart up the steps to the to horses in the same manner. puree setting, he discussed the Although his experiments 1 various advantages and have met with limited success, disadvantages of the new he is still optimistic. methods under investigation. "Yes, sir, we have a few prob- "Well, this certainly is a lems, but I'm sure they can be 3 revolution in medical science worked out soon. We're i! M if we can pull it off," he said. getting to the point where we Yi i "We have had several can keep a dog alive for 48 problems with this process, a hours. I think that sooner or main one being that it is really later we're going to have difficult to sterilize the plastic something that will be of great Here a sidewalk is not being fixed or even being torn-up. Inside the Trasher shows pictures of a bucket that came with the building not being renovated as part of a program of doing nothing to 39 buildings yearly (see page 13) benefit to all mankind." double majors from Lovett "I just remembered why I Probably snore, too. Well, I've who live on campus and write went to Safeway yesterday." run out of things to say about brilliant bits of wit & wisdom "Oh." that. Maybe I can get out of for the newspaper. "Also a, e, i, u, and this if I have a totally It wouldn't be hard for Rice sometimes y." unrelated interruption and change the subject while i. graduates to get jobs if it "That's a non sequiter." I • s wasn't for the interview. So "Well, the rest are vowels." they're not looking. few personnel types have "This is stupid." "Squeak." & proper understanding of "No, it's silly." Hey, that's the wrong Bozology.