Couples Therapy that Goes Deeper than Dirty Dishes Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA West Chester, PA
[email protected] adultADHDbook.com A good relationship pushes you to become a better person Deeper Couples Therapy 2 ADHD Inconsistency Impacts Relationships . ADHD, especially unmanaged, can impact: . One’s ability to be the partner one wants to be . A partner’s ability to be the partner they want to be . Every couple needs to negotiate different desires and ways of doing things . ADHD exacerbates these universal struggles Deeper Couples Therapy 3 ADHD Unreliability Impacts Security . We hope for reliable actions from our partner in order to trust what they say . And from ourselves. ADHD inconsistency makes it harder for: . ADHD partner to feel effective . Non-ADHD partner to feel secure . The easy trap . ADHD becomes the scapegoat for the non-ADHD partner’s anxiety Deeper Couples Therapy 4 It Takes Two To Tango Deeper Couples Therapy 5 The Classic Dynamic . It’s easy to fall into the stereotypical dynamic of the under- and over-functioner . Will all the accompanying anger, nagging, avoidance, and general frustration . Casualties mount on the battlefield of daily demands . ADHD is an obvious contributor, but the other partner is still half of the relationship Deeper Couples Therapy 6 It’s a Trap . Nobody is winning when stuck in this chase dynamic . And doing more of the same won’t tip the balance . Nobody is bringing their best to the relationship . And we can’t expect our partners to behave better than we do . Medication and good systems can help a lot .