SoccerNews Issue # 6, July 12th 2016

Continental/Division Tires Buettnerstraße 25 | 30165 Hannover , here shown in a challenge with Alexander Bahlmann Phone: +49 511 938 2615 , later suffered an injury and Head of Communications & E-Mail: [email protected] was substituted in the European Championship Public Relations PLT www.contisoccerworld.de final. Photo: Imago SoccerNews # 6/2016 2

News “Le Monde”. From the point of view of the Portuguese victors, particularly their captain, the Italian newspaper “La Repubblica” put the event in a nutshell: “Cry Ronaldo cry. But the Portugal celebrate tears of Saint Denis will forever remain tears their first title of joy.” The French deeply distressed. “For over-confidence! A cruel defeat” To have bet on Portugal at half-time of the The defeat triggered great sadness and dis- European Championship to win the title may among the hosts after the one-month tournament. On June 10, the French had would have been as bold as predicting kicked-off EURO 2016 with a close but much as champions in 2004. But at the acclaimed 2-1 win over Romania at the same venue; and after the 2-0 over World Cup conclusion of the 15th European Champion- champions Germany in last Thurs- ship tournament it was indeed Portugal that day the team coached by had been confident of victory. But on Sunday, triumphed, winning their first ever title by July 10, what remained one hour before defeating favourites and hosts 1-0 midnight was great emptiness. “For over-con- fidence! France wanted to win their third tro- (0-0, 0-0) after extra time. phy at home after 1984 and 1998. Everything was prepared for the great dream, but the “Europe’s Brazilians” crowned themselves European cham- fairy tale didn’t have a happy ending. A cruel pions in their 13th title attempt at European and World Cup defeat”. That’s how the sports newspaper tournaments – after a few disappointing performances. The “L’Equipe” summarised the final. Portuguese top star Cristiano Ronaldo experienced an early bitter moment when he suffered a knee injury, after being Contrary to Portugal, France had slowly tackled by Frenchman , and had to be substituted improved in the course of the tournament. in the 23rd minute. The 31-year-old could only celebrate on The opening win was followed by a 2-0 over the sideline at the end of this intensive night in front of 75,868 Albania, a goalless draw with Switzerland, a spectators at the at Saint-Denis. “That’s the 2-1 against Ireland, a 5-2 over Iceland and greatest moment of my career“, shouted the striker, who has with the 2-0 over world champions Germany, amassed titles with Manchester United and Real Madrid. the first ever victory in a tournament against Ronaldo received the championship trophy, won by the Span- the neighbouring country. Portugal on the iards in 2004 and 2012, and which on three occasions has other hand had great difficulties in gathering been in the hands of the German Football Association, DFB. momentum and often disappointed. The “se- It was a great party night for Ronaldo, his team-mates, the 11 leção” concluded their group matches without million Portuguese people and particularly for coach Fernando a win, qualifying for the knock-out stage only Santos, who became the architect of the unexpected success in third position behind Iceland and Hungary. King Cristiano Ronaldo with the trophy as his crown. Winning the European title was his with his defensive tactic. “France frustrated, Portugal on cloud In the round of 16 the team needed 120 min- greatest success said the Portuguese after the 1-0 over France. Photo: Imago nine“, read the headline of the renowned French newspaper utes, and a lot of luck, to beat Croatia 1-0. SoccerNews # 6/2016 3

In the quarter-finals against Poland the penalty News the German national newspaper “Süddeutsche shoot-out had to decide with Portugal winning Zeitung” about the decision for the 13-country 5-3.The team finally showed a convincing UEFA with high gains European Championship finals. The fans will performance only in the semi-finals, defeating The European Football Association, UEFA, have to travel about 5,300km between Dublin Wales – the great surprise of this European have reaped a positive result from EURO 2016. in Ireland in the west and Baku in the east. The Championship in addition to Iceland – 2-0. The tournament was a great financial success. two semi-finals and the final were awarded Portugal are the “European champions of According to UEFA estimates the revenues in 2014 to England and London’s Wembley minimalism” wrote the German national amounted to 1.93 billion euros (fromTV rights, Stadium. As there is not just one host country, newspaper “Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung”, sponsoring and ticket sale), which means a all 13 will need to qualify. Thus home matches since the goal scored by substitute Eder in 34 percent increase on EURO 2012. After the for national teams are not guaranteed. As at the 109th minute was sufficient for the final deduction of 1.1 billion euros expenditure a EURO 2016, a total of 24 teams will compete triumph over the “Equipe Tricolore”. profit of 830 million will be distributed among for the title. the 55 UEFA national member associations, The French copied the special Icelandic cheering Cristiano Ronaldo was at the centre of the such as the German Football Association, DFB. The 13 venues of EURO 2020: ritual with rhythmic clapping and Huh cries during encounter, although he was on the pitch for UEFA Vice President Ángel María Villar Llona London, Munich, Baku, Glasgow, Dublin, Brus- the final. Photo: Imago just 23 minutes. Substituted in tears the in- disclosed at a press conference that the Asso- sels, Copenhagen, Budapest, Rome, Bilbao, jured star directed and cheered on his team ciation would “reflect” on the criticism of the Amsterdam, , St. Petersburg. like a second coach.The success was a lucky tournament format being extended from 16 The “Huh” of the Icelanders lives on one as the French had more, and the better to 24 teams. However, it is considered unlikely Love matches follow EURO elimination The distinctive cheering ritual of the Ice- opportunities, for scoring, but goalkeeper Rui that EURO 2020 will be held with fewer parti- After the tournament comes the wedding. landers could obviously become a lasting Patricio kept his team in the game with a top cipants. The announcement that Bastian Schweinstei- element of football. The French players cele- performance. At the end the victory was de- ger, 31, (still) captain of the German national brated their semi-final victory over Germany served due to a grand fighting spirit, despite EURO 2020 in Azerbaijan team, and Serbian world-class tennis player in Marseille with consistent clapping, picking the setback with the Ronaldo injury. Ronaldo Yes, it’s right, the next European Championship Ana Ivanovic, 28, are to be married has up pace and the battle cry “Huh”. Even befo- and Portugal have finally come full circle with finals in 2020 will include Baku, the capital of greatly excited the paparazzi photographers re the game the stadium announcer had led the title. Twelve years ago the team lost the Azerbaijan, among its venues. And yes, it is a and the tabloids. Date and location are (yet) the crowd inside the Stade Velodrome, inclu- European Championship final 1-0 to outsiders European Football Championship. For accor- unknown. With less fanfare German national ding the German fans, in a collective “Huh”. Greece at home in Lisbon. Ronaldo, then aged ding to an idea from the now suspended UEFA striker Mario Gomez, 30, has hinted that he There were mixed reactions from Iceland. 19, was at the beginning of his great career. President the EURO 2020 will be will marry his fiancée Carina Wanzung, 37, The Icelandic Football Association was ple- The Portuguese, who were bronze medallists held in 13 countries, including Germany, whe- this European Championship summer. They ased with the imitation, declaring on Twitter: at the 1966 World Cup finals with the great re three preliminary round matches and one have been a couple for more than four years, “It is great to see that France does our battle Eusebio, have always been considered to be quarter-final will be staged at Munich’s Allianz but the Stuttgart-born striker and the model, cry the honour of impersonation. But no- among the favourites and often reached the Arena. The tournament has been scattered who advertises Triumph, are rarely seen to- body does it better than Iceland”. However, semi-finals. But the country was denied the over the continent because Platini thought it gether at big occasions. A series of weddings there was also criticism from fans and media big success – until July 10, 2016. appropriate for the 60th anniversary of the among German internationals took place in Iceland, suggesting that the French should championship, which began in 1960 as the after the 2014 World Cup: Mats and Cathy kindly find their own form of jubilation, and “European Cup for National Teams”. Hummels, Benedikt and Lisa Hoewedes, Toni not copy others. The German fans had also Kroos and Jessica Farber. Thomas Mueller tried to combine a rhythmic clapping with “Tour operators and tourist offices are already and his wife Lisa have been married for quite “Huh” cries during the quarter-final against rubbing their hands with glee”, commented some time. Italy. SoccerNews # 6/2016 4

ALLEZ BOOM! This headline could have featured a pithy pun on “moths”…

But it doesn’t. Because your author refuses to dip into the moth-eaten metaphors of the sub-standard soccer scribe and instead sends congratulations to Portugal, albeit with one reservation…

By Freddy Boom

To begin with, a word to the SoccerNews congregation: Before you all lose faith and turn your backs on the almighty internation- al Fubago (football god) and drift back to club-based sectarian worship, emigrate to Iceland (clap hoo, clap hoo – recognize the A Parisian mothball, snapped during the final. Photo: dpa rhythm?) or start emulating your arm-tattooed heroes by twit- tering nonsense on the Net, lend your ear to the wise words of community faster than Hal Robson-Kanu can turn three Belgian perhaps more fittingly “chapeau” – to Portugal. Well played, lads. the irreverent Pater Boom. One last time my fingers fly over the defenders. keyboard to help you cope with the aftershocks of the not-quite- But let me now turn the spotlight on a peripheral figure in the so-grand finale de . First let me reassure all fearful Franco- No, it’s time to bring a touch of humility to the altar of my laptop. final, sidelined for once, albeit temporarily: I speak, of course, of phile fans that it was not, in fact, a hell-hound or zyborg from Portugal are European Champions for one simple reason: in con- CR7. For a brief moment, Ronaldo actually managed to move the nether regions that had returned to haunt French soil on trast to the almost already crowned would-be champs from Ger- me, Freddy Boom, SoccerNews’s supreme source of sarcasm, to Sunday evening, bringing eternal damnation – even if it may have many, then France, they scored a goal in their final appearance. tears. The match was barely quarter of an hour old when we saw looked that way when Cristiano Ronaldo, bare-chested and with And according to the prevailing rules of tournament arithmetic, Ronaldo sitting on the ground, a moth on his nose and another the sponsor’s name on his underpants ever so cleverly exposed, the goals you scored or failed to score in the previous rounds en on his head, weeping salt tears. “Well,” I thought, “well, well, well.” strode unharmed through the sparks and flames of the official route to the final don’t count when it comes to determining the It’s not supposed to happen like this. Let him lose, the proud UEFA firework show. Nor was it a sign of a pending apocalypse ultimate winner. Other arguments, including “But we beat Italy!” peacock, but not like this. I actually felt sorry for the guy. Having that the stadium was infested with plague of moths of almost or “We were the better team” or “Iceland won more games within to leave the field after just 15 minutes in the final of the European biblical proportions. I have it from reliable sources that, the previ- the regular 90 minutes” or even “Please don’t let it be Ronaldo!” Championships is not something you’d wish upon any player. ous evening, wanting to be sure the floodlights would really work don’t cut it when it comes to deciding who gets to dance in spar- But Ronaldo actually came back; he gave it another go and a when they threw the switch, the organizers had lit up the stadium kling confetti in their national colors, singing “We are the Cham- strange sense of admiration left my heart all aflutter, much as for a minute or two, and the word went around the Parisian moth pions” (penned by another famous Freddy). No, it’s hats off – or those million moths set the Parisian air trembling with their wing- SoccerNews # 6/2016 5

Quotes of the final:

The ugly duckling has Football’s a funny thing turned into a beautiful sometimes. swan.

Vers aus dem Stadiongesang der walisischen Fans, die gerne noch länger bei der EM bleiben würden, um Portugals Trainer Fernando Santos vor dem Halbfinale gegen Überraschungsgegner Wales. alle französischen Biervorräte zu trinken. Wales steht sensationell gegen Portugal im Halbfinale.

beats. Then Ronaldo was once more supine on as “the gynecologist’s chair”… when what was re- cup. Maybe not the cup that was presented in What about Germany, you ask? We’re Euro- the turf, tears flowed, end of act 1. But how did ally called for was humility, a moment of humil- Paris on Sunday, but in the sporting world there pean Sex Appeal Champions. In a so-called he leave the stage? He summoned the UEFA ity. If, after this match that his team mates had is consolation to be had even in the remotest representative survey by an online flirt site, 31.7 sedan chair and was borne nobly from the field won without him, Ronaldo had taken half a step corners. What do I mean? Well, Russia has the percent of respondents (which, amusingly, is of battle. “Mhh” I thought. “Was that really nec- back; if he’d let Eder, the scorer of that winning current world champion in wife carrying: Dmitriy also what you call the other party in a divorce essary?” Shouldn’t the brave wounded knight goal have the biggest moment of his career, Sagal carried his partner Anastasia Loginova case) said the “hottest players in the EUROs” limp back to camp under his own steam? Later instead of shoving his Mr Universe torso into the fastest through the mud and sawdust in Son- came from Germany, way ahead of Spain, Italy that night, during extra time, Ronaldo could be picture – it would have marked a caesura in the kajärvi, Finland. England recently celebrated its and Portugal. Germany’s manager, Jogi Löw, seen prancing around in the coaching zone as life of Cristiano Ronaldo. People could even have newly crowned World Shin Kicking Champion in also won the title of “EUROs manager with most if he’d had a new knee fitted and swallowed a started to like him. This way, all we are left with the shape of 26-year-old Adam Miller, a farmer sex appeal”. And, much as it pains me to do so, Wii game console. As part of the dance routine is an impression of the only player in the world from Honeybourne, Gloucestershire. And in I have to complete the picture by admitting he repeatedly shoulder-punched team manager who’s both a bad loser and a bad winner. more good news for England, they also won the that the crown for the most erotic player of the Fernando Santos, a gentleman and one of the World Custard Pie Championships in early June tournament went to – you guessed it – Cristiano fine minds of football, as if to say “how cool is Talking of winning, I don’t want to leave my when the “Custardteers” team triumphed in an Ronaldo. that then?” making Santos, despite the title of a SoccerNews flock to face the wasteland of all-British final against "Three Men and a Pie". lifetime being only moments away, look as if his a football-free month without a brief word The world champion in mobile phone throwing, And because that’s no way to close, here’s a favorite fado bar had been taken over by a punk of consolation. Because the fact is that we by contrast, comes from Finland – originators postscript: Largely unnoticed by the interna- band. Oh but I could go on criticizing Cristiano others, all those whose heart doesn’t beat in of the contest and regular host nation – where tional media, Alan “Nasty” Nash has achieved forever: Hardly had the final whistle sounded dark-red-and-green, we Germans, Englishmen, local hero Riku Haverinen flung his old Nokia a lifetime ambition by winning the World Toe when off came his shirt, in a response worthy of Russians, Austrians – I’d even go so far as to 97.73 meters. And if you’d like to challenge him, Wrestling Championships (hosted of course by Pavlov’s dog; then came that slide into the front say “we Dutch”, which is quite a leap of faith for next year’s event takes place on March 11 in an English pub). Nice one, Nasty! row of the team photo in a pose best referred to a German football fan – we have all won the Savonlinna, Finland. SoccerNews # 6/2016 6

lady driver would enjoy it. A top speed of 60 km/h would suffice. And there should be plenty of headroom, because farmers wore hats and if it was raining they wouldn’t leave home without one. So it was that a car took shape that was to impresses purely and simply through its practi- cality. Where once there had been a horse, now there were two – or a duck, if you happened to live in Germany. And of course that basket of raw eggs had to survive a trip over rutted farm tracks intact. The plan was to launch the car at the 1939 Paris Motor Show. The “duck” as we know it today: in this case a 1982 2CV Charleston. Photo: Citroën / Georges Guyot But the war had other plans and most of the 250 pre-war models built were scrapped. When the Germans occupied France, the engineers at Citroën hid the plans and continued working go-everywhere suspension to keep those eggs on the car behind the scenes. Then, at the 1948 in one piece made for an impressive package The 2CV was a car for rural regions – and for farmers who needed to transport baskets of eggs on the back Paris Motor Show, the 2CV finally made its pu- at the time. The car offered acres of space, a seat. Photo: Citroën / Georges Guyot blic debut. But was this unlikely candidate truly sliding sunroof, a good price/performance ratio presentable? The visuals took some getting and great versatility. With this model, Citroën used to, not least for Parisian auto aficionados. launched a new personal mobility philosophy. Did you know ... At a time when car ownership was rapidly be- Before long, though, it became clear that it was In the post-war years, when practical solutions coming a status symbol in France, Boulanger inner values that count in a car like this: front- were in demand, the 2CV rapidly became a … that in France they use raw had a new idea – one that initially brought him wheel drive, an air-cooled two-cylinder boxer symbol of personal freedom. By the time pro- eggs as crash test dummies? nothing but scorn. He wanted to “export” this engine delivering 9 PS, and of course that soft, duction ceased in 1990, the company had built urban luxury to the more rural regions, at affor- five variants and a total of 6,956,895 units, all dable prices and in simple but robust form. Far- with that unmistakable “deux chevaux” look. No, honestly, they do – or at least they did! “A mers who still relied on horses for mobility and The question remains, what earned it the moni- basket of eggs should emerge unharmed from transport should be relieved of having to care for ker of “the duck”? Anecdotal evidence says that a trip along a rough farm track” – that was the their beasts of burden, he argued. Because when a Dutch journalist, on seeing the car for the first weird-sounding specification formulated by a horse isn’t working, it still has to eat, and horses time, said it reminded him of the ugly duckling Pierre-Jules Boulanger when the suspension get tired before the working day is over – and in the fairytale by Hans Christian Andersen. In was being developed for a new model of car. they need daily care and attention. Boulanger the story, the ugly duckling wants nothing more And no, M. Boulanger was not the owner of the was not only aware of the great potential the than to become a beautiful swan – which is ulti- local boulangerie – or baker’s shop –keen to get automobile had to offer; he also realized that mately what happens. Initially scorned, ultimate- his ingredients delivered faster and in one piece. much of that potential still had to be leveraged. ly loved – that is indeed the story of the 2CV. But In the mid-1930s he was Director General of And so the car became a workhorse. Also on to round off our story, we need to clear up that French automaker Citroën and one of the men Boulanger’s list of specifications was that “two age old question about what came first, the chi- behind the creation of the 2CV (deux chevaux = farmers in boots should be able to transport Pierre Boulanger (looking pleased) presents his new cken or the egg, except that here we are dealing literally “two horses”), a model known in Germa- 50 kilos of potatoes with no problem.” The car car to the French President Vincent Auriol (looking with a duck and the answer is clear: the egg ny as “die Ente” or the duck. should be so easy to drive that even an unskilled doubtful) in 1948. Photo: Citroën / DR came first. A whole basketful of eggs, in fact.