ISSUE 8 / VOLUME 19 06.03.06 UUCDCD INSIDE S ACT OF BOD IN DEPTH SSPORTSPORT AN IRISH RUGBY ANALYSIS OF LEGEND TALKS UCD SPORT FFOCUSOCUS SPORT’S FOCUS PAGE 4 ‘Alas the HHaydenayden rot in RRompsomps UCD is HHomeome terminal’ n REVEALED: Confidential academic survey

A confi dential survey carried EOIN MAC AODHA out by Professor Gerard Casey, Head of the School of Philoso- ing this, the lecturers and profes- phy, has highlighted major con- sors are the product. Not the stu- cerns with morale, leadership dents, not the president. People and the restructuring of the col- come here to listen to the lecturers lege among academics. and professors not the president or When contacted Professor Ca- the registrar and I think they don’t sey refused to comment on the quite realise that.” survey itself but did admit that he When questioned Registrar had initiated it. Philip Nolan stated; “My response The College Tribune was given to that is that an awful lot of issues the survey anonymously by a dis- in that survey ware actually things gruntled academic. in terms of modularisation that Former Head of the Politics De- we’ve actually formally and more partment Tom Garvin stated, “First extensive reviewed. of all it’s not a scientifi c survey, “If you want to fi nd out what’s it’s probably self selecting, people going on it’s much better to get who are most disgruntled would be people in and ask them, If 70% inclined to send in their reactions. people are positive you get 70% “But there is a lot of unease, positive and 30% negative. When there is no doubt about that, even you ask people for their views in though a lot of it would not be ex- an unstructured way you are more pressed in as vitriolic way as some likely to get the ones who have a of the people in that survey. problem. SSabbaticalabbatical “I think there is too much lead- “My diffi culty with that survey is ership. Highly authoritarian lead- that it is more likely to have been EElectionlection ership that’s highly remote for the answered by CONTINUED lecturers and professors. people who had CCoverageoverage 6> “I hope you don’t mind me say- issues.” 16> College Tribune 2 THIS WEEK 06.03.06 06.03.06 1 TRIBUNE 2 3 SUDOKU 3 NEWS The SU sabbatt elections come only NO. 18 / EASY NO. 19 / EASY once a year, thank Christ. Here at 923964 Tribune Towers we’ve put together all the movings and shakings at this years err... 536953 21 festivities. Some beardy bloke won. 58 4 2 CS SPORTS 32718 2681 FOCUS 84 5 69 For your sporting 4896176 1 3 delectation, we’ve an interview with 249 5 BOD himself. We 67 2 9 46 97 also reel back the 13 6 628 years with Kevin 6 Moran

18 DISTRACTIONS NO. 20 / MEDIUM NO. 21 / DIFFICULT Loads of reviews, The Rakes, and 356 68 Dolerentos, how to impress on the fi rst 85 7 73 date, plastic surgery, the life and times of Johnny Cash plus a good deal more 218 24 6 195 457 29 SPORT 915278 We talk to Gary Dicker 42 7 149 and Pete Mahon about the upcoming eircom 934 429 League, why Mourinho 523 61 is a cheat, two match reports plus a big 281 79 6 scoop on the hurling front

Complete the grids so that each row, column and 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. REGULARS The solutions will appear on this page in the next issue. Editor Distractions Editor Contributors: 14 FAUSTUS Eoin Mac Aodha Barry Bowen Ben Blake, Alexa Byrne, Stephen Caffrey, Caitrina Cody, Fionn 15 EDITORIAL & Design Editors Features Editors Dempsey, Dan Finn, John Holden, Simon Ward Alan Tully Leanne Hughes, Sinead Gifford, LETTERS Box 74, Eileen O’Malley Laura Greene, Brenda O’Grady, Student’s Centre, Chief Sub Editor Megan O’Grady, Roisin Jones, Health & Fashion Editor 4 CS THE HEADLINER University College Rúaidhrí O’Connor David Hammill, Fiona Hedderman, Dublin. Caitríona Gaffney 22 FASHION Sports Editor Kingsley Kelly, Jonathon Kilbane, Belfi eld, Colin Gleeson Music Editor David McLoughlin, Roe McDermott, 26 RUD’S WORLD Dublin 4. Ronan Dempsey Deirdre McGuire, Dermot Looney, News Editor Peter McKenna, Kevin Murphy, 10 THINGS... Email: Jack Cane Film Editor Sinead Monaghan, Richard [email protected] Karen O’Connell McElwee, Elizabeth-Ann Kirwin, Chief Newswriter 27 THE LUNGE PJ Mullen, Barra O’Fianail, James Telephone: Owen Priestley Photography Editor Redmond, Harry Smyth, Alex Aisling O’Leary 27 DEAR TRIBUNE (01) 716 8501 Tierney, Gordin Tobin, Mark Walsh Special Thanks To: 28 THE TURBINE Online: Offi ce, Mary & Mairtin Mac Aodha for Stephen & Gary @ Spectator the use of the house, Reads, Unicare, www.ucd.ie/tribune 29 DOWN THE LINE Newspapers, Dominic Martell and Blackrock Market and AIB. And to Sinead Kelly @ UCD Communications everyone who made this possible College Tribune 06.03.06 NEWS 3 Bash not bashful after SU bashing

Irish rugby international, Shane the view that “boys don’t clean up favour of girls, and we receive CAITRIONA GAFFNEY Horgan, has come under attack as well as girls” adding that “peo- over 20,000 hits to our web- from the UCD Students’ Union ordinary girls false hope, putting ple pick up the magazine because site each month,” he added. over a magazine he co-founded pressure on them to get their pic- they want to see their friends in it. I “I believe that girls get last November. ture taken.” wouldn’t look at it and think that the more enjoyment out of it The UCDSU Women’s Offi cer, Amid accusations that Bash girls were wearing very little.” and want to see if there’re Michelle Killeen, has criticised takes the fun out of a night out Bash editor Barry Twomey de- any other girls they might Bash magazine for its’ portrayal for girls aware of the possibility fended his publication claiming “I know in it whereas the of women, which Killeen believes that Bash photographers may be don’t think that people would wear boys, on the other hand, exploits girls who wear revealing present, Killeen also blamed the less on a night-out just to get their like to check out the girls clothes when they are on a night magazine for giving off the impres- picture in Bash. that feature in it.” out. sion that “we should all have per- “Girls on a night-out dress to im- Twomey also claimed The Women’s Offi cer also ex- fect bodies, be a size 8, have fab press themselves, not men or mag- “Bash Magazine pro- pressed concern that for many hair and big boobs but this just isn’t azines” commented Twomey. motes clubs through pic- girls in UCD who dream of be- a reality for most.” Responding to the points made tures of people enjoying coming a model, the model search SU Design and Communications by Killeen on peer pressure and themselves. We’re not competition that features in the offi cer, Patrick McKay, concurred girls wearing revealing clothes, being sexist and we magazine gives them false hopes with Killeen’s sentiments, saying it Twomey agreed that there is an el- strive for a balance and could lead them astray. was evident that “people go out of ement of peer pressure for girls to in the photos.” “Some girls dream of becoming their way to get in the photos, and look good when they hit the town a model. Bash takes advantage if that means posing provocatively, but as far as he was concerned of that and puts pressure on them then that’s what girls will do. It clear- “it’s fi ne if they’re into that kind of to increase their chances of being ly follows the formula employed by thing.” pictured in the magazine by wear- lads’ magazines.” The Bash editor considered be- ing more revealing clothes.” However, UCDSU Welfare Of- ing approached by a photographer Killeen also added “girls might fi cer Dan Hayden claimed that girls and asked to appear in a magazine think that if they wear less clothes “wear those clothes anyway.” as confi dence boosting and hoped on a night out they will have a bet- “The media in general knows that some girls didn’t feel insecure ter chance of getting their picture that sex sells, and Bash is using or inadequate compared to others. taken for the magazine and of this clever formula” added Hayden. “99.9% of the people we pho- winning the model competition. Bash magazine, which is mostly tograph want their picture tak- “At the end of the day this composed of pictures of nightlife en; we’re not trying to sex magazine puts pressure on girls in clubs around the city, has a sig- things up. to have the perfect body. It sets nifi cantly higher female photo pres- “We have a pre- a bad image for people. It sends ence than male in the publication. dominantly female a bad message to girls, and gives But Hayden accredits this fact to fan base, 60:40 in College Tribune 4 NEWS 06.03.06 Collen Constructs Chaos n Student “taken out” by Gardaí n Residences’ completion delayed

Building fi rm Collen Construction Photo: Jack Cane JACK CANE suffered picketing at its site on Belfi eld campus as students and trance, in the past week at the Belf- trade unionists were repelled by a ield site. large Gardaí presence at the site’s Cogavin, who was at the protests entrance. daily, claims “Collen have a policy of 3rd Social Science Class Rep not recognising union rights even if Darren Cogavin claimed that the they have unionised workers on their Garda presence, which numbered sites. There is also an issue with around thirty with riot vans and cars safety on their sites: in 2003 they on Wednesday morning, far outnum- were fi ned €60,000 on the Curragh bered that of the protestors, who suf- army barracks site for breaches of fered from some “heavy handling”. safety regulations.” “I was taken out a couple of times, However, John Gallagher, a public I mean you grow up watching WWF relations employee of Collen rejects and you see these power slams, but Cogavin’s claim that Collen does not I didn’t expect to be on the receiving deal with unions, stating that “we are end of them from the forces of law happy to negotiate with trade unions, and order” said Cogavin. we have done so in the past.” He added that he had “got kicks Gallagher also backed the Garda from the cops on the ground, I also presence at the UCD site, saying, had punches thrown at me where we “Collen would not agree with the criti- were just protecting the picket line.” cism of the Gardaí. Some protestors Collen Construction has come were saying that the Gardaí were Keeping the peace? Gardai consult during the protests at Roebuck under attack from many quarters of heavy handed but as far as Collen Irish society in recent weeks over the are concerned they were subjected companies or picketers.” Carroll also cause some delays in terms of com- tense on some of the days,” added non-employment of three trade union to ten days of illegal picketing. As I asserted that the mandate passed pleting student accommodation” but Gallagher, who denounced the picket affi liated bricklayers at a site in Bal- understand it, the only people injured in SU Council supporting the “Bally- “the UCD operation did not cease at as “an unoffi cial activity not helped by lybrack, Co. Dublin. were the Gardaí, who exercised re- brack Three” did not extend to sup- any time. It was slowed down on the people with political agendas jump- Trade unionist tradesmen and markable restraint.” porting the illegal picket in Belfi eld. fi rst day of the protest, but workers ing on board.” students unoffi cially and illegally James Carroll, UCDSU President, As of yet, Collen have not com- – even trade unionists – refused to The “Ballybrack Three” were re- picketed the construction company, was unequivocal in his view, stating pleted estimates as to the delays be intimidated by unoffi cial protests leased from jail after purging their € which is building student residences that “I condemn utterly those who use incurred by the picket, although Gal- and continued to work.” contempt of court charge over a near the western Fosters Avenue en- unlawful actions be that construction lagher did confi rm “the protests did “The level of intimidation was in- week ago. College Tribune 06.03.06 NEWS 5 Student BEATs government on BTEA I’m a

JACK CANE UCD student Michael Power has won a landmark case in the High Court survivor against the Government over the pay- ment of Back To Education Allowance n President survives no confidence vote grants outside of term-time, forcing Students’ Union President James them to pay him restitution. Carroll survived a vote of no con- The case against the Department of Victorious: Mick Power with fomer SU presidents Fergal Scully (L) and Paul Dillon (r) fi dence in his presidency at the Justice and Family Affairs was won by the last session of council after a students going back to education don’t Opposition parties have called on the father of four last week and could possibly fractious and politically charged have a hedge of money built up, they Government not to appeal. signal the formation of a redress board to debate saw Carroll emerging don’t have parents paying for them. Former UCDSU President Paul Dillon deal with the losses of over 6,500 mature “over the moon” after a comfort- I have been on the dole for almost fi ve was pleased with the Mr Justice John students nationwide. able victory. years now and it’s no joke, you have to McMenamin’s ruling, commenting that he UCDSU President James Carroll, who The motion was proposed by 3rd make sacrifi ces.” was “very happy. It’s a good result, espe- assisted Power’s campaign along with his Arts Rep, Darragh Ó Bradáin, due 4th Science student Power appealed to cially for Mick who initiated the whole thing, predecessors Fergal Scully and Paul Dil- to Carroll’s late notice of submis- UCDSU, USI and local and national politi- even against the advice of SU and USI so- lon, claimed that he had “challenged An sion of motions for USI Congress cians in his bid to win the right that he - licitors. But he was 100% all the time.” Taoiseach on this issue last night [March which Ó Bradáin cited as “stupid, st amongst others affected - had “legitimate Last year’s SU President Fergal Scully 1 ] and he informed me that the Attor- ridiculous, shows incompetence of expectation” of the summer payments. struck a similar tone, saying that the out- ney-General and the Dept. of Social and this president.” Family Affairs are looking at the judgment Power’s case was accepted, although come was “a credit to Mick, he was the In response, Carroll claimed he commented that “there’s mistakes carefully. I quizzed him further and he “ex- 172 other students’ similar claims were drive behind it himself. This leaves it open had “misread” the deadline and and then there’s this. I think this pected to see” a scheme to sort out the rejected on the basis that they had de- for other students to try and achieve what only told those interested in submit- is absolutely disgraceful.” 3rd Arts affected students.” layed too long at eleven months before he has.” ting motions two hours before the Rep Enda Duffy concurred claim- This was somewhat confi rmed by Pow- taking the case to court, although his James Carroll noted that Dillon and deadline. ing, “this is a huge, huge, huge er himself who stated “top-level Govern- victory has given hope to BTEA students Scully were “critical [to the outcome] as The SU President acknowledged mistake.” ment sources said to James [Carroll] that seeking redress. they pushed the issue forward a lot both his mistake stating, “I put my hands SU Welfare Offi cer and President they’re going to look at the possibility of Speaking on the case, Power said that politically and legally” and stated that he up, and I made a major mistake. I elect Dan Hayden condemned his establishing a redress board.” “we were advised to take a test case from was “over the moon for Mick. It is a major made a boo boo.” colleague but did offer a more con- The Back To Education Allowance 173 and I was it. It was scary because I’m victory for him. However, I am disappoint- He also apologised for any dis- ciliatory tone commenting, “I think (BTEA) was introduced by the govern- married with four kids; I was putting a lot ed that the other students involved did not tress he may have caused, telling Ó James was stupid. He fucked up, ment in 2002 in order to provide fi nancial at risk. But I felt that it wouldn’t be right to get the legal victory too. The government Bradáin “I’m very sorry about that, he dropped the ball but we all drop aid to mature students taking third-level get other people to do it without putting now have a political and moral imperative I’ll buy you a pint and if you don’t the ball at some stage.” courses, but it was decided to stop the my money where my mouth is.” to sort out the other students who were ad- drink I’ll buy you a soft drink.” In the end, the motion was de- stipulated summer payments of over However, he warned the danger of versely affected.” There was widespread condem- feated easily with Carroll left to €4,000 just a year later, economically legal costs has not abated with the Gov- Power was magnanimous in praising nation of Carroll’s forgetfulness at claim that the motion’s objective of damaging many mature students. ernment “still able to appeal the decision, the efforts of SU Presidents and Educa- council. 3rd Social Science Class attacking his position “was a per- Commenting on the necessity of the they can get us to pay costs, it’s all up tion Offi cers over the past three years, Representative Darren Cogavin sonal and political act.” grant, Michael Power said that “mature in the air still”, although he also said that who “were vital to the success”.

€1.00 Off any large fresh Fruit juice or Smoothie On presentation of this voucher expires end Apr 06 College Tribune 6 ELECTION SPECIAL 06.03.06 Hayden elected in landside

After what was widely expected JACK CANE to be an intensely close Presiden- tial race, Dan Hayden was elected Independent Appeals Board (IAB) President for the next year on the after him, fi ned Duffy’s campaign a DDANAN fi rst count. substantial amount of posters and HHAYDENAYDEN Defeating his rivals Enda Dufy all their leafl ets and awarded an ad- and Orla Ní Threasaigh with 55% of ditional sixty posters to Hayden’s 555%5% the total votes cast, winning 2,358 campaign. fi rst preferences from 4,395, Dan Speaking on the new Returning Hayden was “tired, but great, hon- oured, honoured and overjoyed” THE with his performance. The President-elect praised the BREAKDOWN campaigns of his other two candi- Total Valid Poll 4318 dates, commenting that “Orla did Spoilt well, she came from a position of 77 relative inexperience and got a Dan Hayden great turnout for herself.” Orla Ní 2358 Threasaigh won a total 17.5% of the fi rst preferences cast. Enda Duffy On his closer rival Enda Duffy, 1136 who took 26%, Hayden said “Enda Orla Ní Threasaigh was second time unlucky, but there’s no hard feelings, we had a hug and 693 a handshake.” RON This fi rmly contradicts Duffy’s 69 view expressed after the election results were announced that Hay- Offi cer, Duffy commented that he den’s campaign team “were dirty thought Shelley was “weak, he was enough, they didn’t run on issues clearly biased toward Dan. The fi ne and basically launched a negative we received was harsh and our ap- campaign against us.” peal to the IAB, well, the right-wing Although Duffy had praise for cabal that controls it needs to be Ní Threasaigh’s campaign, calling changed. I don’t think we got a fair it “very progressive” he refused to trial.” be drawn on whether he thought This view of Shelley was some- Hayden would be a good President, what supported by Orla Ní Threa- commenting that people should “ask saigh, who said she was “quite 226%6% 1177% 22%% him in twelve months time”. disappointed in Morgan Shelley, he The defeated candidate, when was biased in a lot of the decisions asked whether he thought the best he made, punishing one candidate man won replied “if I answer that I’d while absurdly gaining another is only be bitter, but no, of course not, not the job of a returning offi cer.” no. Even if I didn’t get elected I was However, Morgan Shelley refuted rooting for Orla.” these claims stating ““Sometimes Controversy surrounded the rival you have to make very diffi cult deci- campaigns of Duffy and Hayden af- sions and you come up with answers EENDANDA OORLARLA R.O.N. ter a night-time incident last week that don’t please anyone, perhaps if DDUFFYUFFY NNII THREASAIGHTHREASAIGH (REOPEN NOMINATIONS) where an individual connected with one side feel you’ve been to harsh Duffy’s campaign was seen to be and the other side feel you’ve been served in his praise for the Return- and I’m sure he’ll have a number of to register his surprise as “curios- ripping down Hayden posters on to lenient then perhaps you’ve come ing Offi cer, commenting “Morgan successful years.” ity and amazement. Our campaign campus. The new SU Returning up with exactly the right decision.” could have laid out the deadlines a On hearing of Duffy’s criticisms was full of ideas, our material wasn’t Offi cer, Morgan Shelley, and the Dan Hayden was largely unre- little better, but he’s done a good job of his campaign, Hayden was quick negative at all.” Curran coasts back into office Dave Curran was re-elected dent Vice-President is the was confi dent that a “great team JACK CANE to the offi ce of Deputy Presi- primary one for initiating has been elected”, he attributed dent by a comfortable major- served one year as Deputy al- campaigns, which Curran his complete lack of competition ity, seeing off the challenge of ready, ran his campaign without believes can help give the for the job to people “seeing it R.O.N. by 82.5% to 17.5% in an challengers such as this year’s SU “such a presence next as an advantage for the current uncontested election. presidential candidate Enda year, it’s deputy president to be running According to Curran himself, Duffy and declared afterwards going to again, I think it turns them off.” this result is a high scoring that he was “very tired. Smelly 1177% be really Either that or the fact that record for a candidate running too. Haven’t showered in days. good.” “any interested contenders I kid- against R.O.N. But mostly really, really happy.” DDAVEAVE Stating napped their families and threat- The incumbent, who has The position of Deputy Presi- CURRANCURRAN 883%3% RRONON that he ened them” joked Curran. College Tribune 06.03.06 ELECTION SPECIAL 7 Doyle wins in close contest

EOIN MAC AODHA

A tight and tense education race 55%% saw Brian Doyle elected with a BBRIANRIAN margin of just 190 votes out of a possible 4,115. DDOYLEOYLE 550%0% An “over the moon” Doyle took the contest with just 50% of the vote as RRONON his opponent Kate O’Hanlon polled with 45% and RON took 5%. In a tightly fought race Doyle’s DAN Fianna Fail Kevin Barry Cumann HAYDEN political machine proved the de- cisive factor in pushing him over the line as victories in Commerce, KKATEATE 55% Roebuck and Science brought him OO’HANLON’HANLON home. Speaking after the results Doyle 445%5% stated he was ‘indebted to so many people, those whose fed me dinner and let me sleep on their couch. I just can’t get over how much peo- ple put themselves out for me. It shows you how much support there is for the Students’ Union,” Kate O Hanlon said “of course I’m disappointed, with a race so close you always think could we have done even twenty minutes more work, but there’s no point. “Not many people can take on the might of the Kevin Barry Cu- mann and do so well, especially Brian Doyle embraces his campaign team as a gracious Kate O’Hanlon keeps smiling when you’re an independent candi- date and you haven’t got the might Returning Offi cer Morgan Shel- Both candidates did however, differences, there were some disa- only appointed a couple of weeks of a party behind you. ley, praised both candidates for have some grievances with new greements with polling stations in ago, he should have been appoint- “We tried not to run a negative their fair play during the election returning offi cer with Doyle stat- nursing.” ed in October and had the opportu- campaign and I don’t want to be a saying that he received no com- ing “As it with any returning offi cer O’Hanlon added, “I think it was nity to do class rep elections fi rst to sore loser.” plaints from either candidate. you’re going to have a couple of very unfair Morgan Shelley was get experience.” BBARRYARRY Welfare goes down to the last

COLFERCOLFER In a tightly contested race, Barry without the trophy”, and referred to Kil- Caitríona Gaffney Colfer was elected Welfare Offi cer, leen as a worthy adversary. 550%0% beating his rival, Michelle Killeen, fi cer during the election period, Colfer Killeen, a graceful winner, was vis- with a little over half the votes. replied, “nothing specifi c”. ibly upset and through tears committed Colfer won receiving 50% of the vote, Although Killeen ran away with the herself to helping Colfer with his reign while Killeen received 43% of votes, Arts vote and that of the Evening stu- as Welfare Offi cer next year. and 7% of votes went to RON. dents’, it wasn’t enough to clinch the Speaking to the College Tribune af- It was the fi rst competitive welfare title of Welfare Offi cer, and Colfer man- ter the fi nal results, Killeen said, “I’m race in four years. The position for wel- aged to attain the majority of votes in grand, a bit disappointed, but it couldn’t fare was last contested in 2002 when every other faculty. have gone to a better man in the end. Seamus O Maoinaigh beat Joanna In his acceptance speech, Colfer “I’m happy for him, He’ll be brilliant Shaffalitzky. likened his winning to the Oscars, “but next year, and I’m defi nitely going to be Indeed, it was a year for fi rsts; it was involved with welfare.” Morgan Shelley’s fi rst time as Return- 444%4% A very tired but happy Colfer de- ing Offi cer, taking over the role from scribed his mood on hearing the results Michael Clarke. as “exhaustedly ecstatic”, and since he Both of the Welfare candidates re- celebrated his 21st birthday the follow- garded this fact as obvious. ing day, described his victory as an According to Killeen, “He [Shelley] early birthday present. will be a brilliant Returning Offi cer, He asserted that he would aim to but he defi nitely needs Michael Clarke MMICHELLEICHELLE achieve as much as he could for stu- there with him, especially since the KKILLEENILLEEN dents during his term in offi ce and fol- sabbatical elections are such a big low on with the pledges made in his thing. manifesto. “Personally, I found him ok, but I’m 66%% Colfer described his opposing can- aware that other people had problems didate, Killeen, as a “good opponent”, with him,” she added. and said that she did a good job as Incoming Welfare Offi cer, Colfer ech- Women’s Offi cer this year. oed Killeen’s remarks, “You could tell it When asked if he believed that he was his fi rst year in the job. He could would be a better Welfare Offi cer than have done better.” Killeen, Colfer declined to comment. When asked if he had encountered However, the student electorate any problems with the Returning Of- RRONON have spoken. College Tribune 8 ELECTION SPECIAL 06.03.06 DDAVEAVE 118%8% RREDMONDEDMOND 224%4% HHOLLYOLLY IIRVINERVINE

118%8% “ t

F w BBRIANRIAN ‘T CCANNYANNY in

114%4% ti a g Redmond recounts his chickens ‘C Pending a recount, Dave Red- Some of the other failed candi- I’ll probably step back a bit from the w ALAN TULLY mond has been elected Ents of- dates were enthusiastic about the union and societies next year.” JJAMESAMES S fi cer with a margin of just 22 professionalism I would prefer to see previous few weeks of campaigning Enda Donohoe or Batman as he HHARTSHORNARTSHORN votes over Holly Irvine in a hotly the election concluded tomorrow in- despite not winning offi ce. James has become known defended his w contested race stead of risking error this evening.” Hartshorn thought the experience decision to dress up as a superhero d The ballot process was the last to Holly Irvine, who had left the Astra was great craic and would be high “I wanted to distinguish myself from 112%2% e be fi nalised as in each round no indi- Hall earlier in the day, was astound- up on his list of college memories. everyone else, but sadly it wasn’t to vidual candidate managed to reach ed to have reached the fi nal round “The team I had was myself and a be. it wasn’t easy but the campaign the required quota. Arts student in the election race. Speaking to the few mates and we gave it our all. has been absolutely worth it. It has Enda Donohoe and Eoghan ‘Skinny’ College Tribune she said, “When There’s no need to be upset I think,” showed me that I can achieve some- O’Duinn from Commerce fell by the I left earlier I was down 250 votes Hortshorn refl ected. thing when I put my mind to it.” EENDANDA wayside early on, followed later in from Dave. Then 400 of Brian Can- Brian Canny agreed commenting, O’Donohoe went on to say that DDONOHOEONOHOE the evening by James Hartshorn ny’s votes were transferred over to “I recommend pursuing a campaign not all the candidates were on a and Science candidate Brian Canny. me in the last count. It’s amazing, it to any interested student. I won’t be level playing fi eld “This election was This left only Redmond and Irvine at has come down to just 22 votes.” running again though to be honest. more of a popularity race. People 112%2% the fi nal count at 6:30pm on Friday As a candidate who was not pre- will vote the way they are told and evening. viously involved in the Ents offi ce Sadly it wasn’t David Redmond had huge backing After declaring Redmond elected, Irvine also commented on how this through B&L and C&E and the likes, Union Returning Offi cer Morgan election has opened up opportunity to be. it wasn’t therefore he won the contest. This Shelley proposed that due the very for any student to run for a position. easy but the was not about ideas –but who you small gap in votes between the two “It’s such a close run thing between know.” EEOGHANOGHAN fi nal candidates and the strain of the me and Dave Redmond. It just goes campaign has Eoghan ‘Skinny’ O’Duinn echoed OO’DUINN’DUINN day on the ballot counting team, a to show you don’t need the backing been absolutely these sentiments wondering what recount would be convened at 2pm of Ents to have a chance.” would have happened if he had the on Saturday. Redmond was more hesitant prior worth it. It has “the resources of the B&L and Q 22%% Responding to demands by the to the recount. He said on hearing showed me that Soc and the likes I could have had audience that the election be con- Shelley’s proposal, “So close yet so huge resources, but it wasn’t to cluded on the night, Shelley stated, far. I was initially annoyed it could not I can achieve be.” “In fairness, we on the counting have been done tonight. I suppose something when I The confi rmation of Dave Red- team have been working here since it’s only fair on the counting team, put my mind to it mond as Ents offi cer by recount is nine this morning. In the interests of they’ve done great work all day.” due to take place on 4th March. RRONON Constitutional amendments passed

Constitutional referenda held at the JACK CANE same time of the SU sabbatical offi cer elections have been endorsed by a large Commenting on the changes the con- majority of voting students, forcing vari- stitutional amendments will make to the ous changes to the Union’s constitu- day-to-day running of the Students’ Un- tion. ion Farrell said “they will undoubtedly do Pierce Farrell, the current Commu- so. The fact that the changes affect Un- nications & IT Offi cer and author of the ion structure, Union Council and Union proposed alterations pronounced himself executive gives the potential for seismic “very happy” with the results after failure changes for the Union.” in recent years to push through previous Farrell did not rule out attempting to changes. make further constitutional amendments, The three questions, asking voters to stating “if the current President James decide on the issues of a Postgraduate, Carroll or the President-elect Dan Hay- Evening and Mature Offi cer, the Union den had any changes themselves that Management Committee and of Pro- they needed to make to the Union I’d gramme Representative Offi cers, were be more than happy to respond to their passed by wide majorities in all faculties. queries.” College Tribune 06.03.06 ELECTION SPECIAL 9 The left is all right With the defeat of another left wing presidential candidate Eoin Mac Aodha argues that this election proves that the left is far from dead but may need the right climate to rise again

“Though cowards fl inch and trai- lege like UCD is that they are strong The overwhelming thing about one person surely remarked that is strong and passionately believes tors sneer, at times of discord, when people feel candidates from the left in UCD and Enda Duffy was a raving communist in campaigning on issues that affect We’ll keep the red fl ag fl ying here.” they need someone to stand up for their teams is a concentration on ide- during the last week. them. As Enda Duffy left the podium last them and fi ght. ology, on something that they really There is a certain amount of scare- There won’t be many times in later Friday night after rallying his troops When students fretted they might and strongly believe in. There tends mongering in Irish politics when it life that you can vote for a strong and with these lines from James Connell’s have to pay fees they fl ocked to the to be an absence of personality and comes to left wing candidates, some- honest candidate who has a good ‘The Red Flag’ it seemed as if the left left as the left promised action. a concentration on issues. thing UCD is not adverse to. The left chance of getting into power and in UCD were never stronger. But this year not even Enda Duffy’s Perhaps people are put off by that seem to draw the collective ire and making a difference. Their performance during the elec- End the rip off campaign was enough depth of belief. Passionate politicians indignation of the opposition. This is why the left is not dead and tion was reminiscent of three years to mobilize students. Who cares if cof- can at times be off-putting, more than Chants of ‘you’re smelly’ and ‘have will never die. There will always be ago when Paul Dillon and Aidan Re- fee costs a euro extra in the Arts café a shower’ could be audibly heard at support for people who want to make gan swept in on a mass tide of the when you’re rich on the fruits of the There won’t be many the blob on Thursday of election a difference. ‘Campaign for Free Education’, Celtic Tiger. times in later life week. The perception seems rife that Like everything in UCD it’s entirely smattering all before them. They The argument about the left being that you can vote for everybody on the left has some sort cyclical. New and vibrant faces will were followed a year later by Fergal dead is, certainly after this election, a strong and honest of pact with their godless devil that if arrive, from both sides of the politi- Scully. largely defunct. Anyone who saw the they don’t wash he will invoke a com- cal divide and they will shape future The left, as they are widely grouped, passion and hard-work from Enda candidate who has a munal utopia. Students’ Unions. will now be two years out of the presi- Duffy’s campaign team will testify to good chance of get- But Students’ Union politics should What the left need now is happy, dency yet it took years of KBC hackery this. Based on campaigning alone, one ting into power and be left wing. Students should be anti- smiley, electable faces. But one thing to bring Paul Dillon into power. would have thought Enda Duffy won making a difference. establishment, they should be activ- is for sure and that is that the left in The thing about the left in a col- two-to-one rather than Dan Hayden. ist and they should want a Union that UCD will never die.

Snow is falling, dreams are broken Colin Gleeson observes the SU elections from afar and fi nds a cruel world with a mix of hope, as dreams are made and broken, visions shared and emotions rampant

That the campus was engulfed in Quarter to ten now. Raptures. An the Left were huddled together on the circles. It’s cruel when you’re down. That’s why they were climbing that a blizzard last Friday was perhaps eruption of cheering. The pent up frus- left, while Hayden and the right wing Because it’s such a slow and ago- mountain. But it was so admirable apt. The falling snow that impaired tration and tension of a fortnight com- Student’s Union were sitting to the far nizing death. Every faculty. Second that the likes of Orla ni Threasaigh visibility of the path ahead was a ing forth to manifest itself. The polls right. Old habits die hard. Dave Red- preferences and what not. As you and Enda Duffy were able to deliver convenient analogy for the future closed and it’s out of their hands now. mond marched to and fro with attrac- take one blow, you’re off balance be- the speeches they did. They were gra- of all the prospective candidates. It is unclear as to whether or not some tive blonde girls at his side. The B&L fore the next is landed. And of course cious. They expressed hope for the fu- It was less convenient for those Greater Being came to Dan Hayden Society has its uses. there were tears. ture of the Student’s Union. And they who had to make the lonely journey in a dream the night before and told As results were announced and Whatever about politics. Whatever paid tribute to each other. As friends home. Left out in the cold as the him of the following days events, or if dreams shattered, the atmosphere in- about the left and the right or apathy. and not counterparts. Orla ni Threa- celebrations raged. he was just acting foolishly when he evitably began to stagnate in certain It doesn’t matter what you are. What saigh brought the curtain down on her There was a man last Thursday night decided to climb onto the shoulders of went on in the Astra Hall last Friday campaign in a manner befi tting the who made his way through the Arts Shaun Smith when the polls closed. There was was about people who have visions. way she conducted herself throughout block. Bombarded at every corner, he The strained smiles and cold hugs People who believe in something. the whole of her campaign. had great diffi culty in navigating a safe between candidates were unavoid- something People who fought tooth and nail for It almost seemed an anti-climax path through the halls that were armed able but could do little to hamper the touching about what they believed to be the greater by the end. The rubble that littered with boisterous campaigners and des- wave of emotion and excitement that the sinking good for students and not for them- the area where the left had gathered perate Sabatt candidates. Greeted at swept through the Arts Block as the selves. And that is what makes them that morning seemed tragically fi tting the polling booth by the sound of a bell tolled on next year’s Sabatts. ships. great people. Different even. There for them. And an eerie silence almost barn. But he cast his vote. Made his The Astra Hall was a hive of activity No matter what was something touching about the descended on the hall at times as the voice heard. Stood up like so many by noon on the Friday and intriguingly, sinking ships. No matter what you be- fi nal strands were woven into next others for what he believed in. The the rounded story of this year’s elec- you believe in lieve in. year’s SU, and the rest were left to the reason they were all there after all. tions was clear to see. Amusing that Of course politics is important. snow and their thoughts. College Tribune 10 NEWS FOCUS 06.03.06 Fighting the Unjust War Alan Tully talks to Joe O’Reilly who has spent a “life sentence” campaigning to uncover the truth behind his son’s death and hopes to implement a charter to establish support for victims’ families at a European level

On the 15th April 1992 Kevin self-defence even before the trial O’Reilly was stabbed to death as started.” an innocent bystander of a lo- This deposition was sent onto Mr. cal altercation in Tallaght. Since McBrearty by Joe O’Reilly because that day his father Joe has cam- he feels it demonstrates a pattern paigned to fi nd the truth of the of negligence in the justice system events which led to Kevin’s killer which was similar to that experi- serving only two weeks for man- enced by McBrearty in the Donegal slaughter and the lack of help for Garda corruption scandal where he the victim’s family provided by the was prevented from appealing his Irish justice system. innocence having been found guilty A deposition on the circumstances of killing Richie Baron. That case of the death of Kevin O’Reilly ad- exposed a systematic pattern of dressed to Frank McBrearty Jnr. re- corruption of Gardai in the Donegal counts the facts leading to the fatal area in the 1990s. It certainly raises incident. It states that on the 14th eyebrows when considering that the Irish Daily Star that the O’Reilly April 1992 there was a fi ght outside O’Reilly affair was roughly concur- campaign has fi nally made some a disco between Sean McCallan, a rent to the McBrearty affair. progress, but not within Ireland. The friend and Gavin Daly and his broth- In the fourteen years since, Joe petitions committee for the European er. O’Reilly has come up against a brick- Court of Justice in Brussels has ac- The brothers beat McCallan badly, wall in his appeals to the courts and cepted the case for consideration in so he stole two butchers knives from the Department of Justice and has the context of developing a charter his job at Tendermeats in Clondalkin received letters from the government to help the legal interests of victims’ and told his girlfriend he was going to stating nothing more could be done families. get the Dalys. Kevin O’Reilly was not for the O’Reilly family within the Irish Talking to the College Trib- claims that the real tragedy of Irish there at the time. legal framework. une, Joe thinks back over a law is that there are families put in The next day while walking with Last week it was reported in the year where things have begun the same situation as the O’Reilly Gavin Daly and a friend, Kevin to change. “This last year has family every day. For most, the O’Reilly met Sean McCallan, where been a big one for us. The case money and the moral strength to Daly challenged him to a fi ght. McCa- has been featured on TV3 twice and pursue their search for justice like llan refused and was called a coward the crime writer Michael Sheridan Joe O’Reilly or Frank McBrearty Jnr. by Gavin Daly whereupon he took out used Kevin’s case as a template for is just too much. one of the knives and stabbed Kevin his book Tears of Blood which looks tion is a costly venture and without Joe agrees with Sheridan’s argu- in a major artery and fl ed. McCallan at the impact of violent crime on the the proper funds it is impossible to ment and outlined some of his ideas later made a statement admitting he families of victims.” carry through. For his situation he for a family legal aid charter which is killed Kevin O’Reilly He continues, “Only last week we refl ects, “our family also could not af- being considered in Brussels at the At the trial McCallan pleaded had the article in the Star. All these ford fund a civil action at the time so moment. self-defence, this was accepted things have really re-invigorated the we were really left stranded by the “There should be a lot more help and he only served two weeks for campaign. Up until then we were re- justice system here.” given to victim’s families in murder manslaughter. Joe O’Reilly, Kevin’s ally up against it with the Irish Courts Michael Sheridan, the author of cases here. Families should have father, cannot come to understand and Department of Justice. At this Tears of Blood, argued on TV3 in access to the book of evidence and how the path of justice was followed stage what I want is the truth be- 2005 that the greatest fl aw in the fi les and should be up at the front of in this case. cause I can never get the killer of Irish justice system is the lack of le- court with the senior and junior coun- On the self defence plea, he says, Kevin back into court because of the gal aid to families while the accused cils. We should have impact state- “How could it have been self de- way the case was handled.” is guaranteed legal aid in terms of ments, but currently that is entirely fence? I mean if you take a knife out But the world of politics was varied fi nances and representation. The up to the discretion of the judge. The with intent that should be pretty com- in offering the hand of support to the Kevin O’Reilly case is just one of accused gets all of these things as promising evidence, and Kevin did O’Reilly family. “We were in touch the examples raised and his book a guarantee so as you can see the not have anything to do with the fi ght with Sinn Fein who really pushed for family is left at an unfair disadvan- the night before, he wasn’t armed us. None of the other mainstream tage even before the case begins.” and he did not provoke McCallan on How could it parties want to know about anything. The accused gets On a more personal level Joe the day he died.” We also had 15 members of the O’Reilly concludes with an honest He argues that the courts did not have been self Oireachteas cross-party group sup- all of these things insight into how he realistically feels follow all paths of enquiry satisfac- defence? I mean porting the campaign too”, concludes as a guarantee about his treatment by the Irish jus- torily as Gavin Daly nor McCallan’s O’Reilly. tice system.“As far is I’m concerned girlfriend ever made a statement to if you take a After six years the chance for a so as you can now, I don’t care about whether Daly the Gardai or the Coroners Court knife out with relative of a victim to launch a civic see the family is should serve time or not. What I do and yet Daly took the stand in the appeal becomes void and with it so care about is fi nding out the truth of Central Criminal Court. intent that does any chance to appeal for any left at an unfair that night for some piece of mind. If Joe also says that “before the trial should be pretty compensation in the event where a disadvantage my campaign can also help the fami- a Superintendent in the Gardai told family feels it has been hard done by lies of other victims in the future by me, Kevin’s mother and his sister compromising in a trial. even before the pushing for justice reform, then so Lorraine that McCallan could walk evidence Joe O’Reilly feels this rule unfairly case begins much the better. It’s the family that away on a technicality, pleading discriminates as pursuing a civil ac- serves the life sentence.”

College Tribune 14 COMMENT 06.03.06 FAUSTUS Losing the race? SODOMISING THE PAST, Drawing parallels between Irish and Serbian nationalism, Eoin Mac Aodha ERASING THE FUTURE argues that due to our own benign national identity we have the tools to face the challenge of integration and multiculturalism xcuse Faustus if he comes across a little sticky but he’s just experienced his wet dream of sabbatical elections, Another grey, indistinct Thursday in UCD. Dark clouds tant couldn’t be Irish, just think back to Wolfe Tone and Parnell. Efull of skulduggery and mischievous sub-plots. loomed ominously, threatening to erupt, while the wind Therefore our nationalism, as with all versions, is built on rath- Unfortunately this is not true, Faustus wishes it was but alas it swept around O’Reilly Hall. er shaky foundations. Yet there is much to be thankful of. Many was just another dull as dishwater attempt at interesting antics Outside, up to forty men, women and children, shiver and versions are based on the intrinsic primacy of one people over by a cabal of distinctly average tosses. protest against the presence of Minister for Justice Michael Mc- all and sundry. Firstly, let Faustus be the fi rst person to congratulate Dan Dowell, who was addressing an audience of luminaries inside. We need only hark back to atrocities committed in the name Hayden on becoming president with no clear ideology or ideas, The protesters, UCD students, members of ‘Residents against of Serbia to gauge the potency of such a dogma. There are few clearing learning from Jimmy, he’s gone along the old policy Racism’ and Nigerian men directly affected by the immigration things less dangerous than a nation that believes in its suprem- ‘done a bit, will get round to doing a bit more’ and fair play to policy of this country, unfurled banners and waited impatiently acy and that has a history of greatness that it can manipulate to him if you can get away with it you’d be fool to come up with for McDowell to emerge. further this. policies. When someone fi nally caught a glimpse of the great man it In the case of Serbia, that vicious form was based on myth It wasn’t all sweetness and light though for Hayden, some was not as he strode out to engage the demonstrators but to re- and the distortion of an oral tradition that passed down legends nasty little boy broke into Computer Science and tore down his tire to O’Reilly Halls’ fi ne conservatory to sip wine and nibble on to one of supposed truth. posters, duly caught on CCTV ‘Team Duffy’ were fi ned posters sandwiches. In an almost Dickensian scenario the demonstra- The defeat of a rag-tag Serbian army by the developing and their innovative little fl yers. tors banged on the window as the great and the good of Ottoman hegemon in the Battle of Kosovo 1389 The offender was unceremoniously kicked off the team as Irish society talked interest rates and holiday homes. became a symbol for the re-birth of Serbia. the Team Duffy declared their shock and horror that someone From the outside looking in. The most powerful The fable was promulgated that the Ser- would tear posters down in an SU election. metaphor for the plight of those effected by this bian leader Prince Lazar, made a pact Faustus can’t remember an SU presidential election where country’s immigration policy. with God that he would surrender on the posters have not been ripped down, the only difference here While the State’s policy on immigration is an battlefi eld if Serbia were to rise again as was that you got your mitts on the CCTV footage. argument for another day, this protest, one of a great nation. Faustus is devastated about Oral Ni Threshing, not because many that occur every week of the year, raises Serbia duly lost, with honour of course, she lost but because she conducted herself in such an honour- serious questions about the direction in which in an epic battle on the understanding able way throughout the election that he’s got fuck all bad to a modern Ireland is heading. Greater European that they were sacrifi cing themselves for say about her. Can you imagine a year of Faustus writing about integration and the increased prosperity of our future generations. Subsequent Serbian an SU president with integrity? Perish the thought. country means that there will be more and more im- leaders used the Battle of Kosovo, which had Daniel Wang was a happy man tonight as he romped home to migration and it is imperative we now engage in a debate descended down throughout the generations as a victory and went home to hug his new bestest brother Dan and on the matter. supreme metaphor. have a chat with his bestest friend RON. The most obvious starting point is for self-evaluation on our The Serbs chose to focus on their shared past, they drew On the education front the Hacks are back with Brian “I part. The issue of nationalism has needlessly become some- parallels with their nation and Christ invoking self sacrifi ce and wouldn’t like to have to go to a protest now’ Doyle beating Kate what of a dirty word in Irish politics with some parties claiming painted themselves as defenders of the faith, fi ghting Islamic O’Hanlon by a Quinn factory of ingrates load of votes. that Sinn Fein have ‘hijacked’ it for their own means. advances on their Orthodox people. The culmination of which is Say goodbye now to you’re education as Doyle dons his suit However, what has really happened is that Irish political par- a fi ercely virulent nationalism that is based on the supremacy of and laps it up with the big wigs. ties have failed to engage in a discourse regarding what it really a people over others. The world, and the Kosovans, duly uncov- Poor old Kate though, no political party and she still nearly means to be Irish. ered the despotic nature of this abhorrent form of nationalism. managed it, those KBC bully boys were just that tad too strong. Nationalism is an inherently fabricated ideal, to paraphrase While this may seem to be somewhat off the point it demon- If only Barry Colfer had run in that one…. the great nationalism theorist Benedict Anderson, a nation is an strates the fact that we have a lot to be thankful of. Our particular Bubbly little Michelle Killen polled well and made a load of imagined community, and can only exist if its’ people believe it brand of nationalism is not based on racist assumptions. It does friends as well which was great and she’s just so fuckin nice, exists. not include a supposition that we are better than everybody else. which is great isn’t it, just what you want, loads of fuckin nice In essence, you cannot be a member of a nation if you don’t If anybody should be ready for integration it should be Ireland. people. want to be, or don’t believe that you are. Mutual and common We know what colonialism feels like; we know what it feels like To perpetuate Faustus’ ire, all the ents candidates became entities such as values, geography, language, a shared history to have to emigrate in search of work. best buddies and told each other how much they loved each and religion contrive to make you believe that you are. Obviously the reality is different. For all it’s charms Ireland other, with the exception of Dave Redmond who seemed to piss Thus, an Irish nation can exist because of a shared history, can be a backward little nation and hosts a number of illogical the rest of them off with a scandalously large campaign team the geographical body of Ireland and to an extent the existence racists. and Machiavellian text messages. of a shared religion in Catholicism. Yet all is not lost, that racism is not ingrained. It cannot be. It The story of the election though, was Batman being a ledge, In this case, the single biggest factor is history, that belief in a may well soon be, but it is not yet. We need a debate about mul- which Faustus was also delighted with cos’ all he needs right shared past more so than religion or geography. After all, second ticulturalism, about opening Ireland up and accepting our new now is another nice person to wreck his head, prick. generation Irish living in places as far fl ung as New York could co-workers. In conclusion, Faustus is happy though. He never likes it justifi ably consider themselves to be Irish. In addition, not even There is no reason why immigrants into Ireland should be on when the left are in. They’re too ideological, have answers for the most dogmatic of nationalists would contend that a Protes- the outside looking in. everything that lot. Better careerist hacks any day they’re bound to fuck up. On a totally unrelated topic Faustus would like to extend con- gratulations to Jimmy Carroll QUOTES OF THE WEEK for dodging that scandalous “People come here to listen to the “Though cowards fl inch and traitors motion of no confi dence lecturers and professors not the sneer, and hopes you’re lower We’ll keep the red fl ag fl ying here.” back problems im- president or the registrar and I prove quickly. think they don’t quite realise that.” Enda Duffy quotes from James Connell’s Former Head of the Politics Department ‘The Red Flag’ after losing in the SU elec- Tom Garvin shares his view on UCD’s tions Leaders “I mean you grow up watching WWF “He’s entitled to write whatever he and you see these power slams, but wants. I know the truth and that’s all I didn’t expect to be on the receiving that matters to me. If he wants to sell end of them from the forces of law and some books off the back of making order” some comments about me, then he’s 3rd Social Science Class Rep, Darren entitled to do that if he wants.” Cogavin on the Gardai reaction to the FAUSTUS Brian O’Driscoll on his friend Gavin Henson picket on the Collens Bros site in UCD College Tribune 29.1.0606.03.06 EDITORIALDNFJKFJJ 159 Box 74, Student Centre & LG 18, Newman Building, Dublin 4 Telephone: 01 - 7168501 / E-mail: [email protected] THINK YOU EDITORIAL ACADEMIC UNREST COULD DO t would be easy to get carried away with the informal academic survey published in this newspaper. I Any survey of that nature is in the words of the Former Head of the Politics Department Tom Garvin “self selecting” and should be treated as such. Such a survey will automatically elicit responses from disgruntled parties. However, the fact that such hostility and vitriol exists within UCD should be a cause for concern among its stu- dents. Academics are the lifeblood of this university, they are BETTER? the reason students come here and the reason that stu- dents leave as educated men and women. THEN APPLY TO EDIT VOLUME 20 There is no doubt that some of the change UCD has experienced has been positive but equally there are a lot of negative factors. OF THE COLLEGE TRIBUNE For the last three years the university has undergone

nothing but constant change and this has led to people The editor(s) of the College Tribune feeling disgruntled, underutilised and low on morale. have full responsibility for the There are no simple solutions, the university is not go- administration of the newspaper. This ing to roll back the changes they have made and in all includes the management of both honesty they probably shouldn’t anyway. the fi nancial and editorial sides of the What is needed is consultation, plenty of it and a feel- newspaper. ing among academic staff that the college feels they are This is a full-time and extremely as integral to their future as they actually are. demanding job, which requires the publication of 10-12 issues of the College Tribune during the academic year. This STUDENT’S UNION involves highly unsociable hours under a pressurised environment. The candidate should have experience in he Students’ Union now has a new leadership journalism as well as being a highly motivated elect. It is perhaps too early to say how they will and conscientious individual. Tfare but there is little to be excited about. External applications outside of current This paper felt that the Union has undergone a year of College Tribune staff are encouraged. stagnation under James Carroll and needed a new and more progressive blood. Responsibilities It feels passionately that the Union should be active The College Tribune is a completely independent and that it should campaign for the needs of students. newspaper, and receives no regular source of income. Therefore in addition to producing an It is bitterly disappointed that Enda Duffy was not elect- edition of the newspaper every fortnight, the ed president. The last edition of this newspaper called for editor(s) are responsible for sourcing suffi cient a strong president who would not be intimidated by the advertising to fund the print run of the publication. college authorities. It felt Duffy was the man for this job. The editor(s) are responsible for the appointment It was also impressed by his campaigns, particularly his and management of an editorial staff in addition to activism in ending the campus rip off. the recruitment of new contributors during Freshers’ However, as with all elections the people have spoken week and throughout the year. and Dan Hayden is the new SU president. Dan Hayden must now repay the trust the students Wages have put in him. The editor(s) will be paid depending on the surplus There should be a deep sense of honour in being a amount of income raised from advertising for each Students’ Union sabbatical offi cer. The students of UCD issue once printing and other costs have been met. have put their trust and their money into these people Applications and deserve honour and respect back. All interested applicants should submit a detailed proposal Nobody expects everybody to have the same political to the Editor including: their experience and suitability affi liations but what everybody should expect is transpar- for the job, how they would deal with all the tasks and ency, hard work and honesty. responsibilities listed above, how they would improve each It is Dan Hayden’s task to demand that of his offi cers, section of the newspaper and any new ideas or suggestions to be a strong and communicative president, to active- they have for the College Tribune. ly take on campaigns and to fi ght for the rights of stu- Applications should be sent to Eoin Mac Aodha, College dents. Tribune, Box 74, The Student Centre, Belfi eld Dublin 4 no This is what he will be remembered by, not election later than 5.30pm Wednesday the 5th of April or submitted landslides but by action. in person to our offi ce LG18, Lower Ground Floor of the Arts Block, beside the Trap. ?

UUCDCD SSPORTSPORTS

STop 5 UCD Moments 2 U Elitism in UCD Sport 2 C Dr. Tony O’Neill: 3 O 6 FFOCUSDisability in Sport Battle of the Colleges 8

“I’ve always felt I didn’t deserve to get sent off so that’s always a plus”7> “I’ve learned a huge amount about EXCLUSIVE KEVIN MORAN INTERVIEW how fi ckle the game can be” UCD enjoys a proud and colourful sporting history. EXCLUSIVE BRIAN ODRISCOLL INTERVIEW 4> Sport in this college is an intricate and elaborate animal that has been successful in producing world- class sportsmen over the years. Aided by funding from both the College and corporate sponsors like AIB, UCD is considered to be the leading sports university in the country. This supplement is aimed at dissecting the systems that are in place and examining the end results and indeed where this college stands on a sporting ground today. It will look at where UCD sport has come from and more importantly, what the future holds. It also contains high profi les interviews, namely Brian O’Driscoll and Kevin Moran who are both graduates of UCD. It is geared towards creating an understanding of the way sport works in this college and the resources and opportunities that are available for students, able- bodied or otherwise. SSPORTSPORTS College Tribune 2 FFOCUSOCUS 06.03.06 HARRY SMYTH PRESENTS THE TOP 5... Greatest UCD Sporting Moments Consecutive All-Ireland Championships

1 For two consecutive seasons in 1974 and cluded many stars who went on to achieve aghan legend Paddy Kerr defeated Armagh 1975, UCD brought home the All-Ireland Club further distinction at All-Ireland level with their champions Clann na nGael before going on to Championship in Gaelic football. The two year counties, including Kerry’s John O’Keefe and defeat 1973 champions Nemo Rangers of Cork stint at the top ensured that the UCD Gaelic Ogie Moran, Dublin’s Pat O’Neill and Kevin Kil- in 1975. No other club has been able to repeat Football Club and its’ players became house- murray from Offaly. such a feat and puts into context the magnitude A hold names across the country. The team in- The 1974 team under the captaincy of Mon- of what College achieved during that period. Triumphant UCD reign supreme in 1984 FAI Cup Football Club Promoted to Premier League 2 The draw for the Cup Winners Cup saw them 3 The club was greeted with a baptism of fi re pitted against a star studded Everton team. The in its fi rst league match against Drogheda home leg was played in Tolka Park with a crowd United, when the team found themselves a of 9,000 witnessing a 0-0 draw. goal down after just sixty seconds. The stu- The second leg was played in Goodison Park, dents recovered well but found themselves on where England international Graeme Sharp the wrong end of a 2-1 score line at the end of gave Everton the lead. sports the match. The seeds for UCD’s healthy position in soc- UCD legend and future Manchester United star In July of 1979, an event of great signifi cance The whole emphasis of the club shifted as cer were sown by their terrifi c success in 1984, Joe Hanrahan went close for the boys in blue in in the history of UCD soccer occurred when the survival became the name of the game. Help which many consider to be the clubs fi nest the dying moments, just skimming the bar. club was elected to play in the League of Ireland, arrived in 1980/81 through the infl uence of the hour. If Hanrahan had scored, College would have under the management of the legendary Dr. Tony then Republic of Ireland manager, John Giles, In a dramatic replay, they prevailed 2-1 over progressed on the away goals rule. As it was, O’Neill, when Cork Celtic withdrew. They were the who arranged for four players from the Van- Shamrock Rovers to lift the FAI cup for the fi rst Everton went on to win the competition as well fi rst and only club in Western Europe to achieve couver Whitecaps to bolster the team’s slim time. as the English league. Premier League status in their own country. resources. 4 Silver medal in the European indoors 5 The emergence of Brian O’Driscoll athletes when he came home in second place not impossible. in the 1,500 metres in Belgium to gain the fi rst With the game evenly poised and a Trinity side senior championship medalfocus of his career. boasting future provincial star Mark McHugh, The Irish record holder ran the race in 3:41.59 O’Driscoll struck, deftly chipping the ball over but was pipped to the post by Spaniard Jose Trinity centre Paddy Mettler to go over the line Redolat. for UCD’s fi fth try and hammer the fi nal nail in The Offaly native and former UCD Sports the Trinners coffi n. James Nolan won a silver medal at the high- Management graduate also won a silver medal It would have been diffi cult to predict the Playing at out-half, the Clontarf man domi- est level of European athletics in 2000. Nolan in the 800m at the European Under 23 champi- present lofty heights that former UCD student nated proceedings with three conversions, two cemented his place among UCD sport’s fi nest onships in 1999. Brian O’Driscoll now occupies back in 1999 but penalties as well as a fi ne individual try. Amateurs need a Photo: Willie Doran sporting chance In a culture of convenience, less and less amateur sportsmen are prepared to put in the hard yards resulting in a growing gap between the elite and the social athlete, writes Ruaidhri O’Connor The door opens, another one ar- more teams than leagues to fi ll them rives with his gear bag slung over with. To say that they were simpler Struggling to survive: UCD’s junior Rugby players his back looking quite dishevelled. times would be clichéd and patronising Thirteen. Two more needed but no- but, in truth, the task of patching to- was conceived is a vehicle for citizens that sport’s ethos is no longer what it very diffi cult task. where to be found. No matter how gether a team of amateurs can surely to socialise and keep fi t. That ideal is was. It’s do or die all the way down. Maybe it’s a case of people have many times you check through your never have been a more diffi cult task. set down in the opening minutes of There is thus a growth, particularly other things to do. Of course people phone’s address book they just In a university full of healthy young nearly every great sporting institution. here, in non-traditional sports such as want to socialise and have study to do. won’t jump out at you. people you’d imagine one of the most Somewhere along the way, with pro- Ultimate Frisbee, surfi ng and softball. Of course this limits their time. How- The trials and tribulations of cap- popular sports in the country would be fessionalism and competitiveness, the These sports promise trips away to ever, this can be accommodated. taining a Junior Thirds rugby team in thriving, but in reality the struggle to put social aspect of sport was lost. Elite places more glamorous than a Sunday UCD’s sports gurus displayed a lack UCD are, strangely enough, not widely together a team is symptomatic of the sport is big business. Developing elite afternoon on a mucky pitch in Portlao- of understanding to these problems chronicled. Leading a band of fourteen way youth culture has gone and how sportsmen and women is fundamental ise. when they closed the Sports Bar. A players, many of whom are hung over sport has been affected. to this and keeping a nation’s produc- UCD AFC’s grass roots is the Su- genuine place where being a member and more who are carrying injuries into UCD’s sporting facilities are up there tion line rolling is part of UCD and other perleague, on paper a thriving hub of of a UCD sports club meant something battle is perhaps the less glamorous among the best in the country. With university’s missions. student activity. In reality it’s a muddy it gave an outlet to socialise. It was a side of rugby’s professional era. basketball, hockey, soccer and rugby However, as elite sportsmen get world of nasty challenges, bad football place where the elite and the social Having thirteen players who’ve teams in the top divisions, GAA teams funding, attention and plaudits, those and bad attitudes. It’s a regular sight on could mix, where club events could be shown up but can’t play because two that draw protests from oppositions be- wishing to pursue sport for the joy of a Saturday morning in Belfi eld to see held. It gave the players a place they more haven’t bothered and having to cause their so good and a production participation, the comradery and the frustrated wannabes sniping and argu- could identify with. tell an opposition who include among line of talent that reads like a who’s who fi tness are pushed towards the side- ing and regularly engaging in hand- It’s gone and those who want to play them a player who’s spent his Sunday of Ireland’s sporting heroes in years to lines. bags. the sport they love for the fun of it and morning travelling from Limerick to come, this university’s sporting ambi- It begins in school and follows Perhaps it’s an indictment of the to meet new people have been denied Dublin represents a darker side of a tion is very much top class. through. Even in the primary school pampered nature of UCD’s students another outlet to do so. It was another game that on the surface is thriving but Much of this, if not all, is down to the yard, the process of picking teams on and Ireland’s youth. In this culture of kick in the teeth for those who care at a lower level is struggling to maintain great work of the late Dr. Tony O’Neill. the basis of who’s best and most popu- convenience fi lled with fast food and about their sports. They want to keep player interest. No one can doubt the success of the lar begins a cycle that alienates children instant messaging we are not prepared going but it’s becoming increasingly There was a time in the not too dis- scholarship scheme in the elite sports it from sport. That eight and nine year to put in hard yards. Getting people to diffi cult due to a lack of commitment tant past that Dublin’s rugby clubs had targets, however, organised sport as it olds are playing so competitively shows train or even show up for matches is a from all sides. College Tribune SSPORTSPORTS 06.03.06 FFOCUSOCUS 33

A vision from the father of UCD sport Dr. Tony O’Neill was instrumental in shaping sport in both Ireland and UCD during his tenure as Director of Sport in UCD and General Secretary of the FAI. Colin Gleeson spoke to ex-UCD Secretary of Sport Brendan Dillon about the father of UCD sport

The bounce was awkward. It seemed to jump always toured from about ’73 up until the mid-eighties. where it was when he took over and he did a similar away from him at the last second. But he clasped He would have seen how it could work and he brought job across the board. it tightly nonetheless. And then began the gallop. it back here.” “It was hugely galvanizing the fact that the likes of Clutching the ball tight to his bosom. He swiveled O’Neill awarded the fi rst scholarship in UCD in 1979 Brian Mullins have continued the role. Tony was with fl awless balance and hurdled countless chal- and the scholarship system just grew and grew. “Now a massive loss and continues to be a massive lenges with tremendous strength. A master of his it was diffi cult in the early years to get the mix right loss. Not just from a soccer perspective but craft. Brian O’Driscoll in his element. between students and graduates and getting players also from an Irish football perspective and As O’Driscoll mercilessly guts his prey at Lansdowne with suffi cient quality and ability to survive at that level also from a UCD sport perspective gener- Road, there is another man just north of the Liffey in a and in 1983, after four years in the league, the club ally.” separate cauldron. He too is galloping. Skipping even. invested in a number of outside professional players Shortly before he died, O’Neill had plans Hopping the ball as he goes. Gutting his own prey from which was met with extraordinary success as the col- for an all-purpose sports arena for soccer, the outside in. His name is Trevor Giles. Two conquer- lege won the FAI Cup which was an incredible season rugby and Gaelic Games, which would have ors of Irish sport. Two UCD men. Two products of Tony at the time. been located near where the Belfi eld Bowl is O’Neill’s legendry scholarship system. now. Unfortunately it never came to fruition but The passing of Dr. Tony O’Neill on October 3rd 1999 Tony was a massive loss and he was always looking to expand the infl uence of at the age of fi fty-four heralded a watershed for UCD continues to be a massive sport on campus. sport and it’s proud sporting history. His untimely death loss. Not just from a soccer Tony O’Neill took over the position of sent shockwaves across the country as the ex-Direc- General Secretary of the FAI shortly tor of UCD sport was struck down with a sudden ill- perspective but also from after the appointment of Jack Charl- ness. O’Neill was a true giant of UCD sport. His legacy an Irish football perspective ton, which was the equivalent of the has shaped the current structure of sport in the college and also from a UCD sport Chief Executive today. There was a and is sure to live on for many years to come. reform programme that saw a com- UCD Secretary of Sport at the time, Brendan Dillon, perspective generally plete overhaul of the administrative spoke to the College Tribune about the man who was system in the FAI. A commercial di- the cornerstone of sport and the founder of the current “Two years in a row of fi nishing in the top four was rector was employed, marketing peo- scholarship system. “Well as regards the development a big thing in the club with the resources available. So ple and so on. of UCD sport, Tony certainly would have had a piv- there was a provision then taken in 1985 to revert back “I suppose the organization that otal role, not just in the popular context but also as to an all-graduate/scholarship programme. And that is you see today, that process was the oldest Director of Sport, he spent nine years in the effectively the way the club has been run since.” put in place over a number of college. He went in as Director of Sport and his biggest con- years by Tony. He would also “He was also secretary of the Athletic Union Coun- tribution was to spread the scholarship system to dif- have overseen the hosting by Ire- cil, which is the body of control for sport, a sort of um- ferent clubs at that stage. Even in 1990, there were land of the Under 16s European brella body for sport in the college and he would have no other scholarships in other sports other than the Championship in 1996 after his been secretary of that for a long time. So he has very soccer club. The soccer club was generally awarding resignation as General Sec- much been an important fi gure in the development of ten scholarships a year, but the scholarship system retary. UCD sport.” expanded very quickly to incorporate the rugby club, “I think Tony would be O’Neill’s sport of choice was the soccer club and he GAA, hockey, golf, tennis, who would have been the credited with moderniz- was instrumental in this department which was in the main sports who developed from the sports scholar- ing the organization and old League of Ireland B division at that stage. In the ship system. putting structures in place, early stages he showed a great fl air for organization. “They set up a scholarship trust to raise both funds which would not have been In 1959, the club applied for membership of the league and awareness for the scholarships and he lobbied the in place, and he also over- and UCD were elected to the league, which was an college to put an investment in funds into the scholar- saw what was at the time, extraordinary development at the time. ship system. That unearthed the likes of Trevor Giles, an explosion of interest in Tony O’Neill is often talked about in various circles Ciaran McManus on the GAA front, Brian O’Driscoll the game as a result of of UCD and indeed Irish sport. He is renowned as a and Ciaran Scally who was also capped for Ireland in Ireland’s qualifi cation visionary fi gure in sport. His vision at the time was, the rugby context, Peter Lloyd who is now a very suc- for the World Cup in that in order to sustain football at the highest level, you cessful professional golfer, he got a golf scholarship. Italy. I certainly think needed to create an elitism within soccer and he felt “The soccer club continues to progress with it he left the FAI in far he could do this with a programme known as the soc- also. So there is no question in my opinion that Tony better shape than it cer scholarship programme. was the most visionary sports administrator that I’ve was when he inher- “He was talking about bringing these US-like sports known. Certainly in soccer terms he was way ahead of ited it. At that time, he scholarships to Ireland which was totally unheard of anybody else I have ever come across, he was always would have revolution- at the time and he was saying that we have American looking to push out the boundaries and while he had ized the whole system.” style margarine, we have American style whatever, a time in the FAI, it was university sport where his real As a result of the impres- and now we have American style sports scholarships passion lay I think in terms of expanding and showing sion he made in Uefa during his and we were kind of saying that this was the way to how university sport could make a huge contribution, time as General Secretary of the FAI, he go.” not just in university life, but could actually impact on was approached after he resigned the post of General Sports scholarships now are part and parcel of the national bodies. Secretary and asked to be on their organizing com- development of university sport, something that was “I mean look at the GAA now, it wasn’t that long mittee for the European Championships in England in absolutely unheard of in those days. “So it was quite before 1990 that UCD couldn’t even fi eld a team in 1996. O’Neill was a true legend of UCD and Irish sport. ground breaking and how Tony I think got to fi nd out Dublin County Championships and now they’re win- “He was also due to be on the committee in 2000 but about the effect they had on university sports was that ning them. Tony would have been hugely successful in obviously he died in 1999, but his infl uence and the he brought UCD on tour to the States every year. They the way he has dragged the Gaelic club forward from respect for him was universal.”

SSPORTSPORTS College Tribune 66 FFOCUSOCUS 06.03.06 Sports Centre

disabledBarra Ó Fianáil speaks to SU Disability Offi cer Vivian Rath and UCD Director of Sport Brian Mullins about the unacceptable condition of the Sports Centre for disabled students Despite the state of the art sport- been left out in the cold. The situation cause of the way the Sports Centre recently held a meeting with Super- would be hopeful, we have engaged ing facilities available in the UCD would appear to be largely as a result was built twenty years ago, prior to the intendent of Sports Facilities Kevin the services of the company that are Sports Centre, it is unable to cater of a complete lack of awareness ac- necessary legislation that’s there now Barnes, which he claimed was “very in this business recently and we are for students who suffer from either cording to Rath, who went on to state in terms of access,” but did concede productive.” waiting for their response in relation physical or sensory disabilities. that “able bodied people don’t realize, that he was presently “very aware of Rath found Barnes to be “very inter- to that.” UCD Students’ Union Offi cer for not out of any malice or anything, that the nature of the building, that’s it’s ested in a number of the things I was As always, the issue boils down to Disabilities Vivian Rath stated that disabled people might want to play totally unacceptable in terms of the suggesting. Although they will have to fi nance. In relation to the prospect of “the fact is, there’s nothing there for sport.” sportsopenness and accessibility for people apply to make these changes before putting a lift in the student centre, Mul- students with a disability. The place at who aren’t fully able-bodied.” they can do anything. lins informed the College Tribune that the moment is in effect totally inacces- It’s totally Rath also identifi ed other issues that “He also informed me that there was “the last quote we got was in excess of sible.” Rath went on to list a number of unacceptable are leading to the increased margin- a new offi cer now, Carmel Kissane, for one hundred thousand euro” and that problems that are of major hindrance in terms of the alization of disabled students in UCD. the development of sports for all. He was a couple of years ago. This cost to students with disabilities looking to openness and “There is a feeling I have gotten from told me that I could get in contact with was found to be “so high that it was get involved in sport in the college. students, which is that there isn’t an her and she could take that as part of prohibitive so we’re back to the draw- “There is no link between the three accessibility for awful lot of encouragement for people her brief perhaps to try and encourage ing board.” fl oors [in the Sports Centre]. If some- people who aren’t with a disability to take part in sport.” people with disabilities to get involved The position that the current facili- one in a wheelchair accesses the fully able-bodied The position is exasperated by the in sport.” ties leave disabled students in has at building via the bottom fl oor, they can’t Brian Mullins lack of specifi c representation that Despite the assurances of Barnes this stage, been universally regarded access the reception or the O’Briens disabled people have in UCD sport. to Rath, Mullins conceded that there to as unacceptable. They are in ef- sandwich bar. There are disabled toi- The Sports Centre has become an There is no member of the college doesn’t seem to be any substantial fect excluded from sport in UCD and it lets there on the bottom fl oor but there absolute nightmare for students with focusstaff dealing specifi cally with their progress being made. When asked would seem that there is much work to are none on the middle fl oor. disabilities, rather than the place to sporting needs. According to Rath, if there were any defi nitive plans on be done before the situation can look “The middle fl oor can be accessed unwind and have fun that it should be. “there is defi nitely a need for a part- the table, Mullins replied “no, but I anything like being rectifi ed. by going around the building and up The strucutural diffi culties the building time position to liaise with the sports through the sports bar but that area is poses means, that in effect only able- clubs and societies, to push them to shut off at the present time. Still, there bodied students can use it. actively encourage students with dis- A PERSONAL ACCOUNT are no disabled toilets or showers, The gravity of the situation has at abilities to engage in sports.” and if someone has a physical disabil- least created a consensus, and UCD As a result of the critical nature of A young student in a Wheelchair own.” Daly explained, “I wasn’t able ity they cannot access the gym. So if Director of Sport Brian Mullins admit- the situation at hand, eagerly makes her way around to get into the building.” She isn’t you’re in a wheelchair you can’t get in ted that that the current level of acces- it is essential that UCD. It’s freshers week and she aware of any steps being taken by to the gym.” sibility into the sports centre for those the Sports Centre excitedly heads for the Sports the college and feels that “they do Thus, while able-bodied students with disabilities has been identifi ed as recognizes the fact Centre to check out what sports are so much for everything else, so they are privy to an exhaustive list of sports “unacceptable.” that swift and de- available. If you’re worried should make more of an effort.” clubs and societies to keep them en- Mullins explained that the cisive action is about her fi nding clubs Happily, Daly “is trying to get tertained, those with a disability have diffi culties have arisen “be- needed. Rath to suit her needs, don’t involved with the basketball now,” bother because Jean so she does have some sporting WHEELCHAIR Daly didn’t make it outlet there, thanks to the efforts inside the building. of Vivian Rath, the SU Disabilities BASKETBALL “I was there on my Offi cer.

“Everybody, anybody who is interested in playing, able bodied students can contribute just as much THE SOLUTION? as those with disabilities. Its great craic altogeth- er”. UCD Disability Offi cer Vivian Rath is clearly enjoying the weekly Wheelchair basketball train- The unacceptable position in UCD with ing that he has set up. The project offers students regard to the sporting facilities avail- with a disability the only sporting activity able for students with a disability available to them on campus. is made all the more disgraceful The initiative was undertaken by Rath by the positive steps that have after he saw the success of two matches been taken in other colleges. fi rstly during disability awareness week Consider the ‘Have a go adapted physical activity’ and then again during women’s week. initiative which has been undertaken in DCU. Its’ success so far goes to show It’s a sporting project developed by the the enthusiasm there is there partnership of the Disability Service and DCU among disabled students to get Sport in the Dublin University for students involved in sports in college. with sensory and physical disabilities. The The sessions themselves great results this partnership has yielded are overseen by a member would make one wonder why something of the Irish Wheelchair As- similar has not occurred in UCD. sociation. The sports available include rock- All are welcome and train- climbing, tennis, judo, archery, and ing takes place in the sports swimming, amongst others. The course centre from two to four on lasts for ten weeks, commencing on Thursdays. March 1st, and it is not limited to DCU students. College Tribune SSPORTSPORTS 06.03.06 FFOCUSOCUS 7 From Croker to Wembley

Colin Gleeson speaks to Dublin, Ireland and Manchester United legend Kevin Moran about winning an All-Ireland and an FA Cup, playing at Italia ’90 and the rest of his glittering career

As the light begins to dwindle and Italia ’90. “It was incredible because of the air regains it’s familiar bite, the fact that in Genoa that day, even there are a group of boys who going out on the pitch, we didn’t know are running and shouting. One of how many fans we’d have. So we ran them squints his eyes as he tries out and they literally took over the to focus on the ball. The clouds are whole stadium, they were all around already gathering far above their us. It was a huge lift.” Those forgotten little heads. The sun fading to a dreams realized. red watercolour sky as shouts are “You’re going to play in Rome now heard echoing through the streets. and it was just fantastic really. Playing Called home by the sound of muf- against the Italians, the host country. It fl ed voices. Different times. was an incredible atmosphere all round Football was all that those guys you know. We equipped ourselves ok had. And dreams. As they raced down I thought. We didn’t create too much the lanes and up through the streets. which was a disappointment, and they Always with a ball at their feet. There didn’t do a lot either.” were no kits or elaborate footwear. All The best of times and the worst of they had was the fi re in their hearts. times. He says that “we had a good And those dreams of another world. crop at that particular time.” So what Haunting them always. Willing them if Charlton had adopted the more con- to run from all this. Willing them to tinental style of playing the ball on the step outside the box. To escape a ground rather than implementing his world where dreams are nothing but famous long ball strategy. “Ifs and buts” dreams and to go and make it hap- he retorts. But he admits that morale pen. The guys who did were different initially suffered with the introduction of from all the others. And Kevin Moran Charlton as coach. was one of those. “Team spirit wasn’t very good. A lot He waited with them. His eyes fran- of people felt that maybe Jack should tically searching for that window. And be letting us play a bit more football, then his time came. The opportunity to Kevin Moran: Celebrating the momentous victory over England with Ray Houghton at Euro ‘88 maybe the way a lot of the other Euro- represent his home county of Dublin pean teams liked to play. But then as at senior level. A stage on which the strange creature. “I was fortunate be- “I realised that it was actually easier will always have that bit more sup- results began to come, people began young Moran went from strength to cause I had a good year playing with to play in front of full stadiums than port there than anybody else. You’re to have a bit more belief in what we strength. “My best moment in a Dub- UCD in my fi nal year and then after empty stadiums. It just gave you that playing for one of the biggest clubs in were doing. Jack was a very strong lin jersey would have to be the 1976 that I did concentrate more on the little bit more adrenaline. Rather than the world so it’s a huge occasion and manager though.” All-Ireland, my fi rst All-Ireland. There Gaelic Football when I went playing freeze on the occasion at Old Trafford, a great honour to be able to walk out Can the same be said for Steve have been others but in ’76, since it for Dublin. But then I started playing it meant that I very much warmed to it. there on an FA Cup Final stage.” Staunton? Moran attempts to remain was my fi rst, made it very special.” with Pegasus (UCD’s graduate team) So the experience with Dublin certainly An occasion that was marred for the optimistic. “He’s a young manager, The showpiece. An All-Ireland fi nal as well, and that’s when Billy Bean young Moran by a controversial red there’s no doubt about that but he at Croke Park. Moran speaks pas- who was the chief scout at Manches- I would’ve loved to win card. “Well I’ve never felt bad about it, knows a lot of the players. He’s got sionately now about that day. The ter United noticed me and he invited a league title but un- even after the game because we’d won a lot of experience from playing. He memories rushing back on that sea me over for a trial. fortunately never did. it. Now if we’d lost the game, I would’ve understands the dressing room, he of blue on Hill 16. Having won both “So I was always, even as I was That’s the same with felt quite bad about it. I always felt I understands what the media think, and an All-Ireland fi nal and a Wembley growing up, mixing both games to- Dublin. That’s why play- didn’t deserve to get sent off so that’s I wish him well. You never know how FA Cup fi nal, Moran is the only man gether. But because of my empha- ing and winning an All- always a plus. But when I came off I things are going to pan out. qualifi ed to compare the two. And he sis on the Gaelic rather than soccer, Ireland is the highlight was absolutely gobsmacked. I didn’t “I think we’ve gone a little bit back- is thrown by this conundrum. before I came over to Manchester know where I was for a while, until Nor- wards though, at the present time we “I’ve often been asked that ques- United, I did have a lot to pick up on helped me in a big, big way before I man Whiteside scored the goal and haven’t qualifi ed for the upcoming tion, which is the greater; an All-Ire- then and a lot to learn. It was tough went to Old Trafford.” that kind of brought me back to life. World Cup. We’ve the guts of a good land Final or Wembley in an FA Cup and it was hard at the very beginning Moran is in full fl ow at this stage. “Then I was just hoping we could crop at the moment and the nucleus of Final. And it’s a diffi cult one. Wembley because I had so much to catch up Nothing too diffi cult yet. He speaks hold on, and then once we won the the team but it’s all diffi cult really. It’s at the time was a bigger stadium; on.” A far cry from the streets of six- about the stage and the pressure as if game, to be perfectly honest I was no tougher now than it used to be. The there were a hundred thousand peo- ties Dublin. there was no such thing. Another day different to any of the other players cel- smaller countries are more diffi cult to ple there as opposed to the All-Ireland A club steeped in history. The very in the life. So what about Wembley. ebrating. I didn’t feel down, I didn’t feel play against, they’re more organised. in ’76. Now you look at Croke Park, it’s corridors through which he passed ut- “Winning the FA Cup was defi - ‘Oh crikey I got sent off’, even though We’re capable of it though, we just different; it’s a magnifi cent stadium, tering whispers of bygone heroes. Of nitely the highlight of my Manchester there was a bit of a hullabaloo after- haven’t come out the other side of this eighty thousand people. giants. That hallowed turf. That Coli- United career, without a shadow of a wards about whether I could get my FA yet. But hopefully now with the new “But what makes the difference is seum where so much blood had whet- doubt. When you play football or any Cup medal, which at the time was with- team in place and Steve Staunton, when I played with Dublin, I was play- ted the desire and drive of those men sport at this level, it is all about what held from me, but I did get it later on.” we’ll be able to do something.” ing with my home county and there who shaped the proud history the club you achieve. I would’ve loved to win a He begins to reminisce now. He talks Moran appears to have strayed back was that little bit more passion and enjoys today. And here standing still league title but unfortunately never did. about Ireland. About World Cups and into those childhood dreams of his as pride to represent where I come from amongst all this was a Dubliner. A That’s the same with Dublin. That’s European Championships. He sounds he goes on. Unselfconsciously now. and my own county. You obviously man called Kevin Moran. Daunted? why playing and winning an All-Ireland like the boy who ran and skipped “I’ve had a great career, lots of high- had the hill and the whole place was a Not a chance. is the highlight. through the streets of Dublin with a ball lights. The penalty shoot-out in Genoa, sea of blue. It was just a magnifi cent “Naturally enough from playing with “It’s an incredible feeling in terms at his feet as the fading light turned the going on to play in Rome. Then obvi- feeling to be doing it out there. So it Dublin, I was used to playing the big of going to Wembley anyway, and skies purple and red all those years ously there was the game in the Gi- was that little bit more special even games. I’d played a number of All-Ire- then the build-up to it is fantastic and ago. Dreaming of a lost world. ants Stadium beating Italy in 1994. I though playing for Manchester United land fi nals, League Finals and Leinster the rounds before it. The atmosphere Ireland were fi nally on the world probably enjoyed the games in Italy is everybody’s boyhood dream.” The Finals as well. So by the time I came when you get there is electric, there’s stage and beginning to deliver what more because I was playing in those boy in him making his present felt. over to play at Old Trafford, I was used a hundred thousand people and you’ll would mould the dreams of those who days.” And then he stops. Suddenly So a Dublin footballer who played to the big stadiums, the atmosphere, always know that no matter who you’re would follow Moran and company onto awake again. And the dream a distant for Manchester United. What a and that made it a lot easier. playing against, Manchester United the world stage. The World Cup and memory. SSPORTSPORTS College Tribune 8 FFOCUSOCUS 06.03.06 Battle of the Colleges

UCD is highly regarded both nationally and internationally for its’ dedication and success in the fi eld of sport with a wide range of sporting activities from aikido to wrestling. Ben Blake assesses how UCD sport fares in comparison to the country’s other top universities? Facilities: Club Success: Scholarships: With two multi-purpose sports halls, With 58 clubs to choose from, the current UCD Excellence scholarships are an essential part of a climbing wall, and a number of squash student is spoiled for choice. Our most popular sport today. With a two-pronged emphasis on aca- courts, handball and racquetball alleys, and successful sporting teams all compete at demic achievement and athletic development, the UCD provides a worthy service to stu- the highest level. The men’s rugby team ply their late Dr. Tony O’Neill, acting as the college’s Direc- dents and the public alike. trade in Division 1 of the A.I.B. All-Ireland League, tor of Sport, introduced the fi rst schemes in 1979. On the premises, there is also a fi t- and were the very fi rst college in the history of the These were provisionally for soccer players, but ness centre equipped with all the ap- league to do so. soon got the ball rolling towards the current situ- paratus necessary to keep students in UCD basketball is presently going through a ation. To-date, scholarships have been awarded top health. Owned by Crunch Fitness, a rough patch, with UCD Marian facing turbulent in 18 different sports. By presenting the scholar number of programmes including the popu- times. The college does however possess the with the ideal surrounding in which to excel both lar spinning classes are run weekly by the only University soccer side to play in the coun- on and off the fi eld, the initiative’s aim was for the trained staff. A sports injury clinic is nearby to try’s top division, with Pete Mahon and the lads recipient to leave with the skill to further a career aid those on the road to recovery. consolidating their position in the eircom League using his/her academic knowledge, sporting tal- Outdoor grounds include the national hockey Premier Division last term. ent, or both. stadium, another synthetic grass pitch, the newly Over at Trinity College, the ladies will be hoping Trinity have a similar concept known as the developed UEFA-approved prestige (rubber based) to capitalise on home advantage by earning some Knights Sports Scholarship. Launched in 2002, it pitches, along with an athletics track, tennis courts, a silverware, as the camogie team are due to host consists of 4 years accommodation, equipment, large number of natural grass pitches and over three the Purcell Cup and Shield this year. Their rugby and depending on the individual’s circumstances, hundred acres of parkland for Cross-Country enthu- club claim bragging rights on being the oldest ex- a degree of fi nancial assistance. siasts. isting rugby club in the world. The Under-20’s re- DCU on the other hand, have decided to con- Down in Munster however, students of the Univer- cently overcame UCD to win the McCorry Cup. centrate on fi ve specifi c sports: Athletics, Basket- sity of Limerick have access to ‘The Arena’, which is The University of Limerick will hold the 54th ball, Ladies Gaelic Football, and Tennis. By doing Ireland’s largest indoor sports complex. Opened in 2002, it Annual Intervarsity Basketball Tournament this so, they hope to achieve unprecedented success holds a 50-metre swimming pool, the National Strength and Condi- coming year, where the women’s top side will look in the chosen areas. With a maximum of €2,500 tioning Centre, and an international 400m athletic track. to retain the trophy. While in Galway, NCI men’s in annual support services, applicants are fi ltered DCU also holds a 25-metre pool, as well as a tepidarium, sauna, rugby team have won more Connacht Cups than in three categories: Elite, Talented and Develop- steam room, and a spa pool. anyone else. ment. Winner- UL Winner - UCD Winner- UCD ‘You’re always working when He showed a light that shone through the you reach this level’ most impenetrable darkness INTERVIEW: THE RAKES 25> THE SINCERITY OF CASH 20> DISTRACTIONS FASHION 18 FILM 20 MUSIC 23 HEALTH 22 REGULARS 26 THE TURBINE 28 BAG it Be class,

THE OC Whoever thought that The O.C would survive not crass three seasons and still be as good, as watch- Want to dress to impress that boy you’ve able and realistic as it was in season 1. had your eye for ages, SWIMWEAR but not quite sure what to wear? With the end of winter finally in sight, high street Read on, Libby Conroy has the answers stores have blessed us with something to look forward to: swimsuit season! So whether you’re Ok, we are all familiar with the whole ‘just be yourself’ thing, it is an ancient motto spending your summer in the States or on the that will stand to you throughout your life and will benefi t you in many ways, but Costa Del Irlandes, we advise you to purchase then again it won’t exactly give you advice on what to wear on a fi rst ‘date’. your swimwear now before it’s too late. Striking off the all American way of dating which might include dinner and a Helpful hint: swimsuits are making a big splash dance, Irish people, especially students, are more likely to head to the cinema this summer, no need to starve to look good in or pop down to the student bar. The romantic essence of these date destina- a bikini. tions will no doubt infl uence what you are going to wear, because a trip to see Munich in the cinema will be a waste of a pencil skirt and a rather END OF TERM. odd choice. End of term mania is in the air. Make the most The problem of dressing to impress is never ending and tiring to think of your last few weeks of freedom before knuck- about. There are a few factors to consider when trying to make an ling down to the hard study when classes start impression on that special someone. up again after the three week break. First of all, and this is the number one rule, there is no point sporting something that you are not in the least bit comfortable wearing. Ok, he might be a rugger bugger fully equipped with the Leinster jersey and dubes, but that doesn’t mean that you will have to don a pair of Ugg boots and tiny tee to make him go woah, espe- cially when that wouldn’t be your usual attire. In the same way it wouldn’t make sense to throw on a Ramone’s BIN it t-shirt and pair of Converse when all you really want is your reebok CURSING AND BAD LANGUAGE. runners, just because he is a fan of rock. There‘s no need to swear to get your point When you look at it logically, the fact that he asked you out in the across. It is inappropriate, unnecessary and fi rst place means he must have appreciated your appearance and pa- unbecoming. Enough said. nache then and there, something about you that propelled this Johnny Bravo to ask for your number. There is no universal little black dress, no general stiletto or miniskirt that will PEEP-TOE SHOES. make every guy disconnect his neck just by turning around to look at you. You’ll They’re really hideous, nobody wants to see fi nd out a lot about what kind of girl a guy likes just by noticing who he ogles at on your big fat dirty Irish toe with chipped red nail television or in a magazine. polish poking out the front. At the moment most college guys like to salivate in front of Mischa Barton posters Thanks, but no thanks. or screensavers, much to the rolling eyes of the girls that reside in the room at the same time. CELEB Although the fascination may have something to do with the presence of her WANNABES. washboard stomach and sharp cheekbones, her sense of style and the way she If there’s one carries herself has a lot to do with her popularity. She is the essence of chic thing for and femininity, a proper lady throughout. certain in this Taking inspiration from fashion idols such as Kate Moss or Audrey Hep- life, it’s that burn, and bearing such staple items as a pair of skinny jeans or the delicate the winner of lining of a Chloé or Chanel dress, ‘Celebrity’ Balancing an outfi t is important. Too much clutter is distracting. If you’re Big Brother, going to wear big, sparkly earrings, lose the big, sparkly necklace so you Chantelle have one specifi c focus point. has had her It’s important to remember that if you are going to wear a revealing 15 minutes top to show off your best assets, maybe it’s best to save the miniskirt for of fame. another time just so he’s not seeing fl esh everywhere. Chantelle A button undone on a lacy shirt oozes sex appeal in an elegant and mys- dear, get terious manner, a well fi tting pair of jeans that shows off your fi gure tells a real job him that you have respect for yourself and your body. Guys respect girls and stop that have respect for themselves. living off Ignore the constant droolings over Tara Reid or Carmen Electra; they are exclusive just fantasy fi gures, not exactly the type of girl that any guy could take home photo to his mother. deals If you like this guy and don’t want to be the result of a one night stand, think more Nicole Richie than Paris Hilton (minus the anorexia factor of course) and be comfortable in your own skin. That’s the most attractive outfi t a girl can be seen wearing. College Tribune 06.03.06 FASHION 19 In the eye of the beholder With cosmetic surgery on a dramatic rise in Ireland, Eileen O’Malley takes a look behind the headlines at our never ending obsession with perfection

Plastic surgery has gone mainstream. No This is not necessarily a negative thing but it longer exclusively reserved for the wealthy or does mean that the concept appeals to the self- those in medical need, cosmetic enhancement doubting that place a large emphasis on physical as it is so eloquently described, is available appearance. It seems though, that if you put a lot of for all who seek to ‘improve’ themselves. importance on what your friends think, you should There was a time in this country when such no- think twice about cosmetic surgery. That’s accord- tions of ‘improvement’ involved little more than a ing to this survey completed by The Harley Medical dollop of lipstick and a nice new guna from Fraw- Group. Upon evaluating the psychological impact leys. Sure what want was there for such fanciness of cosmetic surgery, the survey found that jealousy when there were spuds to be put on the table. was a big reaction by friends to people who had un- Admittedly we have yet to enter the level of ‘Nip/ dergone procedures. Tuck’, but there is an ever growing cosmetic sur- A signifi cant 21% of those who went under the gery industry within in Ireland, spurned on by the ‘beauty knife’ claimed that their friends were more countries ever comfortable fi nancial standing. than a little envious of their new looks - while an- The promise of perfection is tempting there is other 25% said their friends were stunned at their no doubt. Insecurity is an in-built voice, easily ma- new look. While jealousy is an issue of interpreta- nipulated by the slightest detail. For many the pain tion, there is no doubt there are certain implications and effort involved, if not the fi nancial implications of having oneself physically enhanced. is deterrent enough. There are also the fortunate According to the report - the fi rst ever study to ex- individuals who have achieved that plateau of plore the psychological drive behind cosmetic sur- contentment, adopting the attitude that; ‘I am what gery, once the decision had been made to have a God made me.’ cosmetic procedure carried out, patients were more And then there are those that have the increas- than willing to make sacrifi ces in order to fi nance the ingly common combination of a desire for per- surgery. As many as 70% paid for the surgery out of ceived physical self improvement and the money their own savings, indicating that most patients do to make it a reality. There are not any offi cial sta- not need to take out loans. tistics of the industry available in Ireland yet, but it is thought that we are moving in a similar direction The Stats as the UK, where the number of procedures crept n 70% fi nanced surgery from savings up by 52% last year. n 21% felt their friends were jealous According to Advanced Cosmetic Surgery – the n 25% said their friends were shocked longest established cosmetic surgery company in n 13% given surgery as a gift Ireland – the most common types of procedures *Figures from survey carried out by Harley Medical Group are breast augmentation, breast reduction and lipo-scuplture (sculpture sounding far more ap- Choice empowers pealing than ‘suction’), with women and men opt- us all to do what we ing for surgery at a ratio of 85% to 15% respec- tively. desire, whether it’s The implication of having breast augmentation, a bigger chest or a as the most common form of invasive surgery, smaller ass shows that women are increasingly empowered to change their physical appearance in order to feel That said; it could be argued that cosmetic sur- more comfortable within themselves. In a further gery is simply a more advanced form of make-up survey carried out by the Harley Medical Group, or clothes; we use all of these to improve our posi- a growing number availing of surgery do not want tive self –image. The importance placed in self-im- to look drastically different, preferring to enhance age is huge in a modern society, preoccupied with what they already have, hence the popularity of physicality and visual stimulation. There is no moral breast augmentation. right or wrong, we live in a free world where choice The concept behind cosmetic surgery; an appre- empowers us all to do what we desire, whether it’s ciation of beauty and perfection has always been a bigger chest or a smaller ass. an obsession of humankind. Though interpreta- So high is the demand for cosmetic surgery in tions of beauty have evolved with time, there has Dublin that upon trying to get a free consultation always been that aspiration towards supreme per- with four different clinics, the earliest available ap- fection. Perfection is a relative concept and quite pointment would be in two weeks time. All of those close to impossible to achieve; the very nature your correspondent spoke with were friendly and of the concept is that is has no fl aws, therefore it helpful, though it does sound alien to say that you could be argued that we are striving for something want to make an appointment to consider your op- that will always be just out of reach. The promise tion with regards liposuction. It was as easy as that; alone that cosmetic surgery offers means that the make an appointment, hand over the money and What do Students Think? possibility of it is ever more available. in six to eight weeks you’ll be a new improved you. Susan, Post-graduate in Business, But what of the psychological implications? It Admittedly the ease of just asking for it made it even seems that while it is an option at certain cosmetic more appealing. Even in 2006, it seems fascinating “I would defi nitely get plastic surgery if I was in an accident that altered my appearance but I fi rms to have an individual’s reasons for surgery that one can change their entire physical make-up would have to think hard about any other type, but I think I would if it could help me overcome negative feelings about my appearance.” questioned, it is not mandatory to evaluate them with just one appointment. psychologically. It does not take a genius to fi gure Call it what you will, personal choice, misguided Gareth, 2nd Arts out that the predominate motivating factor behind desire for perfection or sheer madness, there is that “Cosmetic surgery should be reserved for those in actual need of it; people shouldn’t be able cosmetic surgery is a dislike or insecurity with school of thought of the infamously enhanced Joan to make money out of people’s insecurities.” oneself. Rivers; ‘why look good when you can look perfect?’ College Tribune 20 FILM 06.03.06

With the fi lm ‘Walk the Line’ chronicling the life of Johnny Cash, Colin Gleeson argues that the depression and hardships he endured defi ned the sincerity and timelessness of his music

The brightest of lights is always that which My separation from Him, the deepest and most follows the darkest abyss. Life is full of mo- ravaging of the various kinds of loneliness I’d ments that defi ne you. Defi ne your charac- felt over the years, seemed fi nally complete.” ter. Defi ne whether or not you’re going to He wanted death, and the cave was just the make a difference. place for it. “If I crawled in far enough,” he said, Deep in the mountains just north of the Ten- “I’d never be able to fi nd my way back out, and nesse River lies Nickajack Cave. The opening nobody would be able to locate me until after of the cave is 150 feet wide by 50 feet high, and I was dead.” So he crawled on his hands and because of its depth, it presents a formidable knees for what seemed like hours in the pitch place to hide. It was used as a refuge during the black, doped out of his mind, until his fl ashlight Civil War. Confederate soldiers holed up there ran out. Completely disoriented and alone, during the battle of Lookout Mountain, and be- Johnny Cash lay down in the abyss of Nicka- fore the Army Corps of Engineers dammed the jack cave to die. cave opening, it was rumoured that the ghosts What happened next is what defi nes Johnny of both sets of the dead, Indians and Confeder- Cash. Suddenly engulfed by the spiritual man ates, haunted the cave. who had by now been buried deep inside him, Deep inside the belly of this deep and unfor- he began to crawl. He crawled and crawled giving chasm, there once lay a man. A forgotten until he was saved. Miraculously he found his man. Lost and alone. With everything he be- way to the door of the cave and was met by lieved and stood for shattered on the stony ter- his mother and beloved June Carter, who had rain beneath him. His name was Johnny Cash. sensed that there was something wrong. A deeply religious man who stated that, at this It was Cash’s inner demons that stemmed moment, he was as far away from his beloved from his childhood that created the man who as he had ever been. He felt separated from defi ned himself. The accidental, but brutal God. Swallowed up in the darkness of some death of his brother lingered in the thoughts unimaginable horror. of Cash until the day he died. He was over- whelmed by guilt due to the fact that he had left his brother in order to go fi shing before he died. His brother Jack was Cash’s ideal. He was everything that he himself wanted to be, but wasn’t. The ordeal fueled the two charac- teristics that defi ned Cash: his toughness and his deep, abiding faith in God. His singing ca- reer was the child born of those traits. Much of Cash’s music was dominated by something he discovered deep inside Nicka- jack Cave. What it felt like to be a miserable sinner. To destroy something you have built. He related to sinners and developed a love for them. This was refl ected by songs such as ‘Folsom Prison Blues,’ in which he sang about being in jail. Through his struggles with depression and drug-addiction, Johnny Cash showed the world the light that can shine through the most im- penetrable darkness. He won over his demons and created something that brought people together. Cash has been widely regarded, be- fore and after his death, as one of the greatest Through his struggles and most versatile musicians of all time. He is one of an elite group to be included in both the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame and the Country Mu- with depression and sic Hall Of Fame. Cash’s success is largely down to the fact drug-addiction, Johnny that people could relate to his music. The hard- ships he endured throughout his life created the mould through which his music was born. Cash showed the world This in turn had so many positive infl uences on the world, and so the sufferings of Cash were not totally in vein. Perhaps his most famous the light that can song, ‘Ring Of Fire,’ which was co-written by erity of Cash and June Carter, was based around the e sinc personal hell Carter went through as she wres- TTheh sincerity of shine through the most tled with her forbidden love for Cash (they were both married to other people at the time) and impenetrable darkness as she dealt with Cash’s personal “ring of fi re”. (Drug dependency and alcoholism) On that night, at the pinnacle of his career Johnny Cash died on Friday, September 12th and the height of his musical power, Johnny 2003. He leaves behind him a life of sincerity. Cash, high on amphetamines and full of de- After his death, Bono likened him to an oak spair, drove down to Nickajack Cave to kill him- tree in a garden of weeds. The Man in Black’s self. music developed from his inner-self, and was He wrote in his autobiography that “the abso- performed entirely for the audience. In that re- lute lack of light was appropriate, for at that mo- spect, Johnny Cash is unmatched, but hope- j ment I was as far from God as I have ever been. fully not forgotten. Cash College Tribune 06.03.06 DISTRACTIONS 21 FILM Don’t blame it on the weatherman

The Weather Man 7/10 David Spritzl (Nicholas Cage) is a shining greyness? Or a particularly baf- The fi lm deals with a range of the is- ing just does more damage as his ef- tempt at chronicling a man in midlife- successful weatherman thoroughly fl ing one, how in the name of frilly ankle sues of modern western society with forts to be a super dad at the week- crisis-age fi nding himself on the far discontented with his life. He won- socks did Michael Caine become Os- deeply funny and accurate observa- ends because he can’t be a good dad side of the American dream, hating his ders why within moments of recog- car winning, Hollywood royalty without tions. all week long make him self-conscious life, hating himself, with all the trap- nising him, members of the public being able to do an American accent? For example the divorced Spritzl and unnatural in the company of his pings of the dream (plush house on 1 tend to hurl abuse or various items But persevere and as David searches is a weekend dad and resultantly all own daughter. suburbia lane, profi table job etc.) and of junk food. He wonders why Shel- for answers to his own questions your the time he spends with his daugh- It must be said, Cage owns this fi lm. none of the content (a crumbling nu- ly, his massively obese 12 year old befuddlement will disappear too as you ter (played with marvellous subtlety Generally people either love or loathe clear family). daughter smokes. He wonders why slip into the rhythm of the fi lm (with the for one so young by Gemmenne da Cage. If you’re one of the latter and The humour is sometimes dark but his marriage disintegrated. He won- exception of any Michael Caine-related la Pena) is in highly irregular settings looking for a healthy way to exercise you will laugh out loud and you won’t ders why his son is a pothead. befuddlement-baffl ing!). (ice-rinks, archery practice fi elds) as a masochistic streak, keep this fi lm in cry yourself to sleep…unless you’re Twenty minutes into the fi lm you This fi lm does not set out to entertain he tries to make up for his absence by mind otherwise avoid at all costs be- one of those previously mentioned may have a few queries of your own, you with visceral farce, bright colours making the time they spend together cause it will be 101 minutes of sheer masochistic Cage haters, you weir- like why are all the characters limited or loud bangs. This is a deeply funny ‘quality time’. nail to blackboard torture for you. does. to one tone of voice? Or why is the sun emotionally intelligent character piece. But this try-hard approach to parent- This is by all means not the fi rst at- n Claire Spelman Odds-on Loser

Two for the Money 3/10

Luck is a funny thing, everyone has quent fall from grace, as a football gain his gift. gone through times when it all just tipster. A washed-up former college There is little here that will entertain seems to fall into place and, con- quarterback, Long discovers a talent even the most avid gambler, let alone versely, those times where nothing for predicting football game results the average cinema-goer. A decent will go right no matter what we do. while working as a voice for phone knowledge of American football’s It would appear that Al Pacino is hotlines. spread system is almost essential as going through the latter. His ability is soon brought to the at- the fi lm unhelpfully leaves it until the Having ‘starred’ (somehow the tention of sports advisory fi rm owner, fi nal scenes to outline exactly what term seems inappropriate) in recent Walter Abrams (Al Pacino), who brings the protagonists have been doing for fl ops Simone and People I Know, the country boy to the Big Apple and the last hour and a half, though even Pacino turns in yet another mediocre gives him a new persona more suited when the explanation comes it does performance in this tedious thriller, to the world of gambling, For a while little to justify the fi lm’s pointlessly whose treatment of winning and los- the schizophrenic tipster is on a roll, meandering and needlessly indulgent voice in the viewer’s ear, while Paci- Though the fi lm wraps everything ing streaks serves more as metaphor culminating in his recruitment of the 2 hour length. no’s performance is so lackadaisical up with a nice warm and fuzzy end- for the former Godfather’s career biggest sports gambler in the world to McConaughey is passable enough that one fears he may be suffering ing, the viewer is left with more ques- than an insight into the world of sports his legions of followers. as the over-confi dent bookie-bother- from narcolepsy. tions than answers as we look for the gambling. However, his new lifestyle, ques- er, his bulging muscles and unnatu- The support cast is just as bad, real reason Long doesn’t gamble, the Baring more than a passing resem- tionable relationship to Abrams’ trou- rally white teeth lending considerable with only Jaime King standing out as fate of the Abrams and why on earth blance to another Pacino fi lm, Devil’s bled wife, Toni (Rene Russo) and weight to the role. Pacino and Russo being in any way memorable in her director DJ Caruso chose to put us Advocate, the plot revolves around ever increasing distrust of Abrams are far below their best however, Rus- role as Long’s love interest, though through the entire ordeal in the fi rst Brandon Long’s (Matthew McCo- himself, soon undermine his talents so’s undeveloped character render- this is probably due more to her looks place? naughey) meteoric rise, and subse- and he fi nds himself struggling to re- ing her nothing more than a nagging than her acting ability. n Mark Walsh

serious cash injection he’ll lose that insurance claims investigator turns have to stop laughing because some- Pretty Damm Good too. out to be the biggest poindeckster in thing serious is going on. Enter his missing brother’s million- the whole of Alaska, and to top it all The cast, despite being largely be- The Big White 7/10 dollar life insurance policy. Problem is off your dead brother comes a knock- reft of proven players, work amazingly erity of his bro only went bye bye fi ve years in on your door. All these unfortunate well together. Giovanni Ribisi, that’s he sinc The opening scene of ‘The Big tures are a result of nothing more trag- ago, and the insurance co’, unless events amount to story that should Phoebe’s brother out of friends, is par- T White’ presents a bit of a pickle, ic than a healthy dose of narcolepsy or they have an actual corpse, won’t have you laughing away for the ticularly quality as above mentioned with a woman, dressed only in her insanity. She’s the wife of Paul Barnell pay out until someone’s missing duration. It’s hilarious. claims investigator. Wouldn’t be the Pj’s running down a snow covered (Robin ‘No chance’ Williams), a strug- for seven. Paul needs that mon- The fi lm works as a biggest fan of Williams but to be fair road in Alaska you’re not sure gling travel agent around whose ac- ey now so we might forgive black comedy fi rstly be- he doesn’t take anything away here. whether or not your allowed to gig- tivities the fi lm is based. him for getting a wee bit car- cause any darkness that The director, Mark Mylod, is a bit gle. You see, Barnell and his slam- ried away when he fi nds a dead is there is so heavily mari- green when it comes to the big screen The last thing you want to do is min hotty wife are lovers of the star- body in the dumpster outside his nated in humour that but his extensive TV work on shows break into laughter, only to fi nd out crossed variety, whether she be a few offi ce. any damp- like ‘The Fast Show’, has clearly she’s running from some sort of hor- lines short of a play or not. Anyhow, Things rather unsurprisingly get ening pointed him in the right direction. If rible tragedy. he needs to get money to pay for the a little complicated when the two effect this move is any sort of an indicator Laugh on, my friends, laugh on, its treatment she needs so he can get the goon’s who left the dead guy in is lost, of things to come, then he’s looking just Margaret Barnell (Holly ‘I’d run it’ woman he married back, but business the skip, need to get you’ll pretty good. Pretty damn good. h Hunter), and her weird running adven- isn’t exactly booming, and without a him back, then the never n Barra O’Fiannail College Tribune 22 HEALTH 06.03.06 Suicide at a time of Plenty Professor Kevin M. Malone MD, analyses the tragedy and reality of Youth Suicide in Modern Ireland

The Statistics: However, with stigma comes si- “The Vision For Change There was a time, less than 3 dec- lence, ignorance and superstition and document carries a picture ades ago, when suicide rates in a voicelessness, all of which feeds of a butterfly on the cover, Ireland amongst all ages was one back into the stigma thus magnify- of the lowest in Europe, and pos- ing and perpetuating the attendant and given that the average sibly globally. However, all this has human alienation and silent suffer- lifespan of a butterfly is one changed, and in direct counterpoint ing. In truth, we are a nation in some day, hopefully it won’t be a to our great national economic suc- signifi cant unacknowledged grief in case of “here today, gone cess, we are faced with a social and relation to suicide, and the sense of psychological emergency in rela- hurt is most apparent amongst fami- tomorrow” tion to suicide particularly amongst lies bereaved by suicide. our younger people. Over 300 voluntary organisations Put into an international perspective, and groups around Ireland have been suicide rates in young people under set up in the past decade to respond 25 (men and women) have increased to suicide in local communities, indi- in Ireland from 10 – 28/100,000 since cating both the level of concern and 1980. More specifi cally, rates in the fractured nature of community young men have increased from 12 response. – 40/100,000 a 3-fold increase. Young men are about 5 times more likely to Government Response: die by suicide compared with women The statutory Irish Government re- in Modern Ireland, whereas women sponse was to establish a task force are about twice as likely to make a in the 90s and a National Suicide suicide attempt. Suicide is now the Prevention Strategy “Reach Out” leading cause of death amongst our launched last September (2005), young people, ahead of road fatalities supported by a start-up budget of and cancer. €500k, with a further €1m for 2006 Put in the EU context, out of the to establish a National Offi ce For Sui- expanded 26 EU countries, Ireland cide Prevention. has the 4th highest youth suicide rate, Compare this with the Scottish re- behind Lithuania, Finland, Latvia and sponse to Youth Suicide in their com- Estonia. It should be noted also that munity in what appears to be a Celtic whilst Finland still has higher youth crisis of youth suicide, where the suicide rates than Ireland, they have Scottish parliament have ring-fenced managed to reduce their youth suicide a start-up budget for their Suicide rates by 23% in the past 10 years, Prevention Strategy “Choose Life” of thus saving about 30 additional lives Stg£30m for a population and suicide per year now than they did over 10 rate similar to ours. It is certainly food years ago. for thought. A UCD international collabora- Also compare the response in Fin- National Leadership: brain pathways associated with posi- embarrassed by having experienced tive research project has recently land in the past decade, where Fin- In the meantime, Ireland has very tive and negative future thinking. depressive feelings, or a bout of unex- reported that suicidal ideation in our land now has between 3- 6 times the gradually moved from stigma to Thanks to funding from the charity plained sadness, and remember that young people is amongst the highest amount of clinical workers in mental awareness regarding suicide in its Turning The Tide of Suicide (3Ts), we alcohol doesn’t help, and may make in Western Europe, and is about 10- health (psychiatrist, mental health community. President Mary McAleese are embarking on a study called “From matters worse. 15 times more likely than our Spanish nurses, psychiatric social workers in her fi rst address to the nation fol- Awareness to Knowledge – the lives Despite the insidiously negative equivalent youth. and clinical psychologists) compared lowing her re-inauguration in Septem- lost behind the statistics”, in which cloak that comes with these feelings, with Ireland. The most recent Irish ber 2004 expressed that the problem we will be interviewing 1,000 families the truth is that during these episodes, The Depth of Stigma: Government response to address- of suicide would be high on her agen- bereaved by suicide. Surprising as it although you may wish not to believe So what could possibly be going ing the development of Mental Heath da for her second term in offi ce. True may seem, this has rarely been done it, people actually care, and help is so wrong in Modern Ireland that this Services “A Vision for Change” pub- to her word, she has continued to pro- internationally. It is a unique opportu- available. It may not be “the perfect tragedy of suicide has unfolded? It lished last month is probably the vide a powerful and uniting voice for nity to hear the story of their loved one help” but if it isn’t, take what’s being really depends on whom you talk to, greatest cause for optimism. greater awareness and togetherness “donated” by the family that will pro- offered, and don’t stop looking until because there is a dearth of in-depth throughout communities in Ireland vide new knowledge for the nation. you fi nd the right help, because it is knowledge, which is probably part Remember that your around the problem of suicide, includ- Additional UCD-led projects include out there. And if it’s not out there, agi- and parcel of the denial process that friends, companions, and ing the hosting of a National Forum at the development of an Educational tate until you are satisfi ed that it is out surrounds the “secret of suicide” in institution including all Aras an Uachtaran last March. Programme for young people devel- there and available to all, “from Achill Ireland. staff, tutors, professors oped in consultation with young peo- Island to Ailesbury Road”. The overt denial hides the enormous and president care UCD Response: ple called “Working Things Out”, led It’s too important an issue to settle covert stigma surrounding the prob- UCD has been at the forefront of by Prof Carol FitzPatrick in the Mater for 2nd best. You should also remem- lem of suicide, which has been closely Much of the document is aspira- research endeavours to improve our Hospital, and an early intervention pro- ber that your friends, companions, paralleled with the stigma associated tional, and cynics might say many of knowledge around suicide in mod- gram for young people with early signs and institution including all staff, tu- with mental illness. This stigma of sui- the recommendations were included ern Ireland, and is the leading 3rd of psychosis called “DETECT Project”, tors, professors and president care, cide translates into enormous suffer- in the “Planning for The Future” men- level institution in Ireland in this re- led by Prof Eadbhard O’Callaghan in and want to look out for you. Look ing for thousands of families in Ireland tal health strategy from 1984 and gard, positively fostered by President St. John of God Hospital. out for one another. Young people in over the past 3 decades – in excess of never delivered on. The Vision For Brady’s offi ce. We currently have particular need to take some owner- 10,000 families. Change document carries a picture over 10 national and international Brief Advice: ship and develop a voice for change The stigma of mental illness has of a butterfl y on the cover, and given research projects, ranging from high- All the while, the tragedy of youth and support for all those in their com- probably directly affected close to that the average lifespan of a butter- end technical science projects to com- suicide lingers in our midst, and the munity who may fear reaching out, or one million families in modern Ireland. fl y is one day, hopefully it won’t be munity and educational development bad news is never far away. Many who are uncertain about what they will How could this be – that such suffer- a case of “here today, gone tomor- projects. For example, we recently re- young people have been touched di- grasp when they do reach out, and the ing affecting 25% of the country has to row”. Notwithstanding the cynical ceived an International Distinguished rectly or indirectly by suicidal experi- time for this is now. remain shrouded in such secrecy and view, there would be a tremendous Investigator Award from The American ences or by the tragic aftermath of shame? And how can this be squared improvement in mental health serv- Foundation For Suicide Prevention to suicide. At these times, it is important n Professor Kevin Malone is with the Irish political adage “there are ices if all the recommendations were support Brain Imaging Studies in Sui- to assess your own feelings, to review a lecturer in UCD’s School of no votes in mental health”. expedited. cidal Depression, focusing on discrete if you feel vulnerable, alienated or Medicine and Medical Science College Tribune 06.03.06 MUSIC 23 On the up and up and up Ronan Dempsey came along they’d grab it you know? I Christmas having a few rehearsals we talks to Ronan Yourrell don’t care what people call us or what were all just standing around glaring at from Meteor Award label they put on us once they listen to each other…so we had a sit-down and nominees Delorentos our music or come to our shows. changed our tack for January. “At the moment the material isn’t a “That worked out better, we have a about independence, hundred per-cent there so we’re happy few new ideas that we’re quite happy writing and the award enough to release another single, raise with. We’ve honed our sound a little ceremony. the profi le a bit more but if nobody with better. Our songs now are better con- Delorentos, one of the indie bands money-bags comes around we’ll put it structed; they hold up under repeated currently holding centre stage out the best way we can!” listening than earlier stuff. in the Irish new wave scene are There is a strong sense of modesty in “A lot of the music press has com- doing encouragingly well for an also supposed to be supporting Whip- of the bands are a funny sort of thing… Ronan’s conversation, he prefers to let pared us to current stuff, I like a lot of unsigned band. ping Boy.” music isn’t a competition, I wouldn’t think the music do the talking as far as cred- that stuff so it’s ok but we think that we Their debut EP, ‘Leave it On’, released Delorentos’ music is instantly appeal- of it that way anyway.” ibility and talent go and remains humble can outgrow it and hope that that will be on Delorecords/Cottage, peaked at ing but never over the top. They spurn They are currently writing and con- about their progress so far, even at the recognised.” number 24 in the national charts, earn- front man spotlights and long winded sidering their options for the recording Meteors. Positivity is defi nitely the word of the ing them a nomination for best newcom- solo parts for that full band texture: of their debut album. However, with no “They showed clips from each of the year for this band, the booming indie ers at this years Meteor awards with the potent progressions, drums and bass fi nancial backing by way of labels at acts and I was watching it thinking ‘oh scene in Dublin being a source of much likes of The Immediate and Humanzi. welded into a brawny rhythm section the moment it could prove diffi cult to that’s really cool’ and then our bit came encouragement. With an impending ap- Drawing praise from various corners and articulated with fi fth harmonies and achieve. up and it was from the TG4 performance pearance on ‘Other Voices’ and new of the industry, including Tom Dunne and interesting dual vocal lines. Ronan is forthcoming and realistic and I had my head in my hands for the material in the bag, this isn’t the last NME they are enjoying unprecedented In the last year their profi le has risen about the prospects of releasing an al- next ten minutes. you’ll hear from Delorentos. attention. Writing, gigging and recording dramatically, principally as a result of bum independently, a surprisingly mod- “The rest of the lads thought it was “It always seemed to me that peo- at the moment: these are busy times for winning the National Student Music est attitude to take for a band that man- hilarious, it was like ‘oh bollocks, we’re ple don’t give a shit about Irish bands. the band. Awards fi nal in London last year. As it aged to get themselves to number twenty defi nitely unsigned.’…Ninety per-cent of I would have never had one that I was However, even potential stars are happens, they entered the competition four in the charts off their own bat. the performances I wouldn’t have been mad into. It’s really cool [now], people susceptible to illness and, speaking to unwittingly and surprised themselves by “It’d be great if we could keep doing interested in but it was an experience to are excited to go and see them. Ronan Yourrell (vocals/guitar) last week, winning. things ourselves and we will if we have go.” “We’re going in the right direction…it’d he was loathe to point out the inconsid- “We never got a gig in UCD before to. So long as we can keep making It hasn’t all been plain sailing however; be nice to give up the jobs though. I’m eration of viruses and the like as regards and we wanted to be playing in colleges progress I’m happy enough. There’s a the added pressure of popularity has af- happy to keep going the way we are.” timing. so Keiran (vocals/guitar) entered us in to worry that without some kind of back- fected the writing process. Nonetheless, “The last week has been kind of play. We thought it was a UCD awards ing you can only go so far but the whole they are affi rmative about their direction n Delorentos’ debut EP ‘Leave it On’ curtailed with sickness; me and Ross show and that they needed a band to Arctic Monkeys thing has changed all of and fi rmly believe they can outlive the is out now. You can check them (drums) haven’t been well. We were play afterwards or for the interval. that. label of ‘band of the moment’. out at www.delorentos.net. They supposed to be recording our new sin- “When we found out what it was we “I think a lot of indie bands are proud “I fi nd that if you try and put pressure will be appearing on RTE’s ‘Other gle this week with Marc Carolan. We’re thought it was a good opportunity. Battles of their indie-badge but if something on it doesn’t generally go very far. [Over] Voices’ on the 15th of March. Opening Doors

The Open-Mic Sessions in the Centre Bar have been running for nearly three years now. Ronan Dempsey looks at the merits of an event concerned more with supporting artists and creativity than making money.

Nearly every Wednesday night for factor, has created an atmosphere the last three years, the Centre Bar benefi cial to both artists and audiences has played host to the Open-Mic alike and people are coming back to Sessions. Offering an encouraging partake. environment for budding musicians Yngve explains how it is not unusual to test their abilities in front of an for different acts to test the waters at audience or for the more estab- the sessions. “Yeah we’ve had a few lished troubadours in our midst to keyboards, a few a cappella acts hone their skills, try new things and and there’s a fi rst year who comes spread their name. down every now and then this The original idea of forming a specifi c year and does stand-up, he’s Open-Mic Society was turned down by quite good!” the college authorities on the basis that Due to lack of co-organisers they “had no grounds.” Founders Yngve and the fact that they are both fi n- Wieland and Tom O’ Dea entered nego- those who are sure of their abilities, the result they wouldn’t have a good gig but ished their degrees here, both Yngve tiations with the Student Centre and Bar idea behind the Open Mic Sessions is then they come back the next week and and Tom have had diffi culties in publi- management and the Ents offi ce. They different. they’re much better.” cising the Open-Mic evenings this year obtained start-up capital to get equip- “That’s not what it’s about. The whole This may be an honourable motiva- and feel that audiences have waned as ment and the Open Mic Sessions were, idea is to get out there, to have fun, to tion for running the evening, but the a result. well, in session. reach an audience and to enjoy your- question remains; will it still be enter- Not charging at the door, the Open- Enjoying relatively well attended self.” taining for audiences, which, lets face Mic Sessions is worth checking out at events, the night includes weekly guest An established musician himself, Yn- it are an essential component of any least once for anyone interested in mu- performers, due to an aliance with www. gve is obviously accustomed to claims performance based event? sic, and in seeing possible future per- dublindingersongwriter.com, including that such an ethos inevitably entails an The fi rst proof that it is: it continues formers take their fi rst tentative steps Ollie Cole (Turn) and Rory Gallagher uneven standard of acts. He explains to attract audiences week after week. into the limelight. (the Revs). Last year culminated with a why this argument is irrelevant. It would appear that over time, the ses- On the other hand, if you would like to showcase event in the Astra Hall featur- “I started playing at an Open Mic sions have found a natural balance be- try your hand at solo (or group) perform- ing Alphastates and Nina Hynes. Night and I was a guitarist, I didn’t sing. tween quality and artist concern. ances, this is where you should go, it’s a Yngve believes what is most impor- I tried singing at one one night and It could be said that such an encour- great opportunity. tant about the night is the indiscrimina- from then on, I started introducing my aging and unassuming attitude taken n Yngve Wieland plays Radio City on the tory and supportive atmosphere it pro- own material. I mean you get people towards the artists: withholding judge- 9th April. You can check him out at www. motes. While competitions are good for here and they’re so nervous and as a ments and recognising nerves as a spacetobeyourself.com. College Tribune 24 MUSIC 06.03.06 AURAL EXAMINATIONS

CYPRESS HILL THE DOUBLE MICHAEL BUBLE NEIL DIAMOND GREATEST HITS LOOSE IN THE AIR CAUGHT IN THE ACT 12 SONGS FROM THE BONG New York’s ‘The Double’ seem to sonically en- Well, Well Michael I heard you used to be good, The front of this CD features a sticker which Cypress Hill have been around for fi fteen years; capsulate that ‘not-really-arsed’ attitude, easily And that not all our music sounded like wood, quotes a review from Newsweek claiming that this is the best material Neil Diamond has re- demonized for their violent lyrics and ridiculed for forgiven if in student form, but less so if you’ve That you had the music lovers respect, leased in thirty years. blatant drug use. However, they have remained shelled out twenty euro for the privilege of hear- And did not make them want to join a sect, These ‘reviews’ inspire scepticism in listeners consistently popular on the hip-hop scene. ing someone sell themselves short. and encourage a much more sceptical examina- Stand out tracks such as, ‘Insane in the Brain’, The music seems underdone; promising mel- Yet your latest album is just shite, tion of the recording. and ‘Throw Your Set in the Air’ will remind every- odies and some nice dynamic shifts sit uneasily Horrendously so, not just a little, not even a mite, Nothing about the album is disagreeable, the one of that quintessential old skool hip-hop sound. next to half-baked guitar leads, wallowing in the lyrics are straightforward and unpretending, if a Nostalgic fans will buy this compilation claiming Cy- It sounds so stupendously and horrifi cally bad, sort of understated but abrasive noise that be- little bland. Some of them are even good, how- press Hill represent everything that is good about You make the crazy frog seem comes less appealing with each listen. ever, classic hip-hop, as opposed to the more commer- like an enlightened fad, In fact it sounds more like a band in competi- Diamond’s delivery seems lacking in the con- cial modern contributions. tion than collaboration, and, as is the case, the viction that makes them great. You can’t help However, this album plays up to every conven- loudest rather than strongest element triumphs. When you named this gank “Caught in the Act” thinking it would be nice to hear Leonard Cohen tional stereotype in its genre. The lyrics are unbe- Did you imagine us all or Johnny Cash singing them. lievably contrived; the subject matter being reduced The albums strengths. namely the vocal melo- dies and the strange, gloriously sick fairground enduring a coronary tract? To be honest, it would be lying to claim that to only smoking grassy blunts and killing gangsters ’12 Songs’ comes across as anything more than keyboards, become subsumed and crowded by A veritable escapade of overproduced manure, in the ghetto. Maybe I just don’t get the appeal of an easy listening album. Some nice guitar pick- sloppy and thoughtless guitar noise, and bleak It’s hard to imagine the listener being able music this obvious and predictable cause I wasn’t ing and a piano being the bedrock on which the brought up in the hood. and distant production. These production values to fi nd a cure, songs are built; the instrumentation, chord pro- The only people who would enjoy Cypress Hill’s have their place, just not on this record. gressions and melodies are arranged in a pre- compilation will be extremely stoned teenagers and Keen to forsake their melodic ability for the So if you like Michael Buble and his dictable and unchallenging manner. It’s a real nostalgic hip-hop fans. This album is implicitly cli- less obvious and more ‘cerebral’ allure of noise ill-begotten wares ‘session’ album. chéd in its musical content, lyrics and production. and sonic posturing, they sound a little like ELO Still avoid this album and its aural It is good to see a musician of a totally differ- If you love nodding your head, whilst simultane- trying to be the Velvet Underground, an interest- ent era sticking to what he does best and writ- offensive scares, ously taking part in a drive by shooting, while smok- ing mix no doubt, but the result sounds more like ing pleasant music rather than changing tack As buying it won’t do you any good, ing silly amounts of hash, then listen to this. Other- an entire album of ‘For The Benefi t of Mr. Kite’. and attempting a poor stylistic make-over. If you wise it’s a mundane collection, best left to gather The Double may yet be a great band; but not Apart from the realisation that like Neil Diamond, you probably won’t be disap- dust at the end of a musical bargain basket. until they try a little harder. Michael Buble sounds like wood. pointed. 1/10 GILL KENNEDY 6/10 JOHN LYNDON 0/10 EOIN MAC AODHA 5/10 RONAN DEMPSEY

ROCKET SCIENCE THE DELAYS THE SPINTO BAND BEAUTIFUL LOVESONGS ETERNAL HOLIDAY YOU SEE COLOURS NICE AND NICELY DONE VARIOUS ARTISITS There is only one word that comes to mind with One thing to straighten out fi rst with this band: The Spinto Band formed after the discovery of Let’s forget about the music here for a second. this album: pants. the lead singer isn’t a girl. True, Greg Gilbert Cracker Jack boxes with music written inside This isn’t a music album, this is a guaranteed sounds like his balls were squeezed in a vice them, belonging to their soon to be guitarists profi t for the company that releases it for Valen- Being cd box shaped, it would be an uncom- before being stuffed back in tight pants when he grandfather, the late Ray Spinto. Using these tine’s Day. Done in a tasteful pink and red colour fortable object to fi nd down your trousers when was about twelve but the falsetto that emanates bluesy scribblings as a basis to start playing to- scheme and smeared with love hearts, it is, we are you go to sit down. The thing is you wouldn’t from those lips is that of a man. gether, the Wilmington seven have gone on to told on the cover, “The #1 Album”. mind it so much if it was an album by a good This, The Delays’ second album, utilises Gil- release seven albums in eight years. On the inside sleeve is an inlay card with the band, these guys are crap. Hence: pants. bert’s voice effectively throughout, bringing a This is all the more impressive considering their words ‘Get the Offi cial “Beautiful Lovesongs” certain empathy to the songs on this decidedly ages range from 19 to 22. But then, they are from Ringtones’ on it with instructions and song listings Bland songs with bland lyrics and bland pro- middle of the road effort. As in début ‘Faded Sea- Delaware, a place most famous for its dismal lack underneath. duction; the general impression is of one big side Glamour’ the music around emo lyrics set of anything to be famous for, in Wayne’s World 1. All ring-tones cost £3 and, in the small print no- long boring ‘rock’ song. The guitars have that to nostalgia-tinged ‘80s pop-rock reminiscent of Name one other city the world over with so few less, you are informed that you will automatically grainy, grungy sound you get off a cheap begin- A-HA, which, in parts is admittedly as infectious attractions and distractions that 19 year olds are be subscribed to the texting list ‘so you can re- ners amp on overdrive and as a result the bass as avian fl u. self releasing seven album in as many years! ceive info on the latest releases’. However, the lyrics - which are pure Jimmy However this diligent attitude seems to be pay- This card tells us a few things about the album. is hard to make out in the mixes. Eat World stuff - are predictable, unexciting and ing off, as these Indie pop cohorts have been Western love is a love you can buy. You don’t need The whole ensemble is mish-mashed togeth- drab, which forces the album to almost collapse compared to the likes of Pavement, Yo La Tengo, to put thought into anything you do these days, it’s er in an untidy manner, the vocals seem to have in on itself by dint of its own self important mis- and The Flaming Lips. all thought out for you in such a lowest common been inserted in as an after-thought and you sion to make everyone, everywhere, feel valued ‘Nice & Nicely Done’ sounds like what The denominator way that it can’t fail to sell. and happy. Strokes and We Are Scientists would sound like If it isn’t for silly couples it is for kids who don’t can’t make out what’s going on. That much said, ‘Valentine’ and ‘This Town’s if stripped of cigarettes, beer, and The Clash, and know any better. Conditioning the next generation The songs themselves are completely forget- Religion’ are good tunes before the album sinks put on a staple diet of lollypops, earl grey tea and of consumers to partake in the ‘spirit’ of Valen- table, unimaginative and brimming with cliche’s into mediocrity before bouncing back with the Burt Bacharach. tine’s Day. and derivative ‘hooks’, a timelessly shit album. aptly titled ‘Out Of Nowhere’. The result, danceable sugar coated melodies, Whatever about the music and whether or not If you are looking for a good example of what The catchiness of this album should be a and a rainbow of multi layered pop textures. For you actually like the songs on the album, on point big hit at teeny-bopper-rocker parties however, an album that ticks all the lo-fi Indie boxes, its of principle it should be vetoed by the buying pub- has happened to New Wave and the New Rock even if the limp enthusiasm and average nature warmth and ability to get better with every listen lic for the intoxicating and money hungry way it Revolution to make people hate it, buy this al- of such emotionally tinged Britpop tries its best sets it apart from so many “of the moment” guitar has been pitched, repeatedly every year. And re- bum. You’d be a fool if you did though. to fault it. bands around. peatedly every year it sells. Hang your heads.

1/10 RONAN DEMPSEY 5/10 JACK CANE 7/10 STEPHEN CAFFREY 0/10 KEVIN MURPHY College Tribune 06.03.06 MUSIC 25 GIGWATCH Raking in success Listings from 6th March Kingsley Kelly meets Matthew Swinnerton, guitarist from The Rakes Ragweek 2006 at the end of a long tour for a chat about their new material. Monday 6th Hunter S. Thompson once said ‘the mu- sic business is a cruel and shallow money “Yeah we’re looking SU Bar trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves n 15:00-17:00 and pimps run free, and good men die like forward to finishing Camembert Quartet. Adm Free. dogs. There’s also a negative side.’ up, but you’re n 17:00-19:00 There’s many who’d feel that if the music Ents Dj’s Adm. Free. industry had its way, it would limit music to always kind of n 20:00-22:00 selling musical birthday cards. Packaging, pub- Kila E8 licity and radio friendly pop is beginning to look working when you n 22:30-02:00 like the epitaph for music. reach this level” Late Bar + Ents Dj’s. Which is why gigs will always remain the sta- ple of the serious musician, it’s all about choice for the fans. When The Rakes previously blessed Tuesday 7th Dublin with their presence it was to open for Franz SU Bar Ferdinand at the Point. Playing live has always being central to the Rakes music, to its ideology. n 15:00-17:00 “‘Capture/Release’ has got a punk sound The Blizzards. Adm. Free. to it, originally while recording, it was with n 17:00-19:00 a view to performing live, so we wanted Ents Dj’s Adm. Free. the energy of that kind of music, to get the n 20:00-23:00 crowd going. That’s how to make a gig.” The Walls and Delorentos. Adm. Free. The current climate of alternative rock taking residence in the charts has made a lot of bands famous. There’s no sugar coated edge, these Wednesday 8th bands are there because downloading and some SU Bar merciless sold-out tours, have given them some- thing that pop doesn’t have, authenticity. n 15:00-17:00 The top sellers are those who deserve to be Antics DJ’s. there. The Rakes have just come off their solo n 17:00-19:00 tour that had seen a solid run of thirteen sold Ents Dj’s. out gigs. MTV2’s ‘Gonzo on Tour’, has been an n 20:00-02:00 event with a good eye for new talent and has National Student Music Awards. €10. been at the heart of the revival, helping to launch bands such Bloc Party and Franz Ferdinand. This year was no exception with the The Rakes Thursday 9th headlining Edinburgh, the other gigs had to make SU Bar do with Arctic Monkeys, Editors and Maximo Park. The band admits the current scene is “healthy” n 15:00-17:00 for the UK, and if The Rakes haven’t received as Ents Dj’s. much media attention as the other headliners, it Events off-campus in the evening. See could be the bleaker tone to their music. posters. Sharing the gift of the Arctic Monkeys and Franz Ferdinand, The Rakes write sharp lyr- th ics, being both bleak and being proud of their Friday 10 bleakness. Combined with strong bass-lines SU Bar and catchy choruses, it’s a deadly combina- tion. The album ‘Capture/Release’ is a hit n All day games and dj’s. of urban angst that’s not afraid to dance. There’s that retro-feel to the rakes, reminiscent of the music in the 1970’s. “Yeah that’s going Open Mic Nights to be amazing. We’ve got a lot of infl uences in n Every Wednesday in the Forum Bar the band, The Specials from that era are a band around 8pm. Admission Free. we all liked. We’re not always drawn to that kind Last one on March 8th. of era though, Bowie was a big infl uence to us but also dance music has been an infl uence on Battle of the us. LCD Soundsystem, and that kind of beat, or even Prince.” Bands 2006 With their agitated guitars and punchy drums, - The Final he admits the band is reminiscent of Gang of Four, even if they had never heard them. n Featuring: Bravest Kid in School, The “Yeah we did a re-mix for Gang of Four, which Internet, Travega, Morning Hush and The is funny because none of us knew who they Musical Show. were. Although with the agitated style of our gui- for the time being at least. “The new single, All mitting that you can’t stop touring, “Yeah we’re Winners get €1000 and a slot at the fi rst tars though, and the punchiness of our drums, Too Human has more of a considered feeling to looking forward to fi nishing up, but you’re always ever UCD Ball on 21st April. we do have that kind of sound. We’ll be moving it. It’s a bit slower, a bit longer for a start. It’s dif- kind of working when you reach this level. We’re Look out for posters for details. away from that with our new material, moving in ferent to Capture/Release,” off to France to do touring, then America. We’ll a slightly new direction. The new single is looking to build on their be looking to do some recording between tour- “The new single, All Too Human has more current sell-out tour and may be include on the ing, have a new album out by the end of the sum- of a considered feeling to it. It’s a bit slower, a current album, or perhaps an EP. The Rakes mer.” bit longer for a start. It’s different to Capture/ however, have a myriad of infl uences, including Following along with their retro feeling and Release, it’s just nudging in a new direction.” dance music, especially that like LCD soundsys- are fourth on the bill of the Isle of Wright festival. The band is looking to move forward, recording tem. They plan to have new material by the end of the new material now that they’re fi nished touring; The band hopes to get back on the road, ad- summer. We can only look forward to it. College Tribune

26 REGULARS 06.03.06

D L

R THIS WEEK THE RIOTS O W So there was a riot in town. Are we grounds that Irish people would be In this new, post Celtic Tiger era, lid. Some went med, Aus- surprised? We shouldn’t be. mature enough to ignore the march- free speech is sacred. The preroga- shopping in town. R U ’ S tria locked If I come to your home and tell you ers. They were sure that sectarianism tive of journalists is to preserve free Others stayed away. D an old man up for to fuck yourself I know what’s going to is behind us. They were wrong. speech. It is in the public interest that The thousands of Welsh people Holocaust denial. happen. Perhaps if you’re an intelli- Of course people protested. Of free speech be preserved. But at what over for the weekend saw the sights No one wants to be seen as limit- gent, mature person you’ll just shut the course people rioted. Political correct- cost? and drank their pints. ing free speech but where does free door, turn your back and walk away. ness dictated that the march go ahead. Be that as it may, there was always speech end and incitement to hatred Most however, can’t see the bigger Political blindness and an inability to Political blindness going to be trouble. Small minds and begin? When do you decide that picture and act before they think. relate to the people the government and an inability to long memories combine. The riot was someone’s opinions are no longer So when the Love Ulster organis- represents meant that the scenes that relate to the people clearly orchestrated. It was anticipat- valid? ers applied to march through Dublin’s were beamed around the world were the government ed. As cosmopolitan Dublin began to re- streets, ostensibly to commemorate allowed to happen. Had the protesters any idea of PR semble Beirut on February 25th, it had the people who died at the hands of It’s an interesting time for these riots represents meant they would have just protested peace- to have crossed the minds of those in the IRA, surely alarm bells should to happen. Free speech is the hot topic that the scenes fully. Their banners saying “Welcome the Dail that maybe they need to leave have started ringing. de jour. Muslim cartoons, holocaust that were beamed to your Capital” and “We love Ulster so their cosy little world and wake up to The idea that Ireland is a mature, denial and now the right to protest. The around the world much we want our six counties back”. the fact that while Ireland’s economy rich democracy is one that our gov- debate has shifted to our little nation. Had they stood there in silence, ban- is booming, all is not rosy in the gar- ernment is trying to promote for ob- Ireland has always had a chequered were allowed to ners in hand they would have made den. vious reasons. However, these men past when it comes to free speech. happen their point. Like the editors in Denmark who and women who spend their working Think back to the Playboy of the West- The Love Ulster brigade won the printed those cartoons and the judge days in Leinster House clearly live in ern World, a play that painted Ireland day and they didn’t even march. The in Austria who sentenced David Irving a world that is sheltered from reality. as being a backward, rural outpost. Is it good governance to allow an futility of marching of Dublin, had it to prison time, the Irish government, Ireland may be a thriving economy but Although the play was accurate, na- organisation such as the Love Ulster been allowed to happen would have and in particular the Minister for Jus- seemingly unbeknownst to the powers tionalists rioted. march proceed past the GPO, Talbot meant they wouldn’t have returned. tice, made a principled but not a prac- that be there is a minority of people, For years state censorship in this St and the Oireachtas? Political cor- Of course, for some the idea was too tical decision. left behind by economic progress who country rivalled some of the more au- rectness and the rights of a democ- much and the ground was lost. Violence and disorder reigned. are still sectarian, racist and small- tocratic regimes. De Valera’s paternal racy says it was the right decision. Free speech is an old and hoary Was it worth it? Did free speech minded. premiership and those who followed Common sense does not. chestnut. Where is the line drawn? conquer all? Or did Ireland take a The government allowed this march him denied a nation of some of the There is no doubt that the major- While liberal Europeans lauded the step backwards in the name of po- to take place. They did so on the best writers and artists of their time. ity of this country didn’t bat an eye- publication of the cartoons of Moham- litical correctness? BY EILEEN THINGS I HATES ABOUT... O’MALLEY 10 FLYING

Fair enough they serve their purpose. However, 10 RUDE STAFF 7 FIRST CLASS the unnaturally loud fl ush is deafening and in 2 LIFE JACKETS?! such a confi ned space there is desperate need Show me a polite Ryanair fl ight attendant and I There is nothing to hate about fi rst class, for of some kind of fan or ventilation….especially Correct me if I’m wrong but when have you shall show you a fl ying pig. who could hate lobster dinners or overfl owing after the salmon mousse. I have always won- ever heard of a life jacket saving anyone champagne fl utes. Alas the bitter realization dered though where it all goes….. in a plane crash. A parachute seems like it that your average joe blogs shall never be able could be useful perhaps, but not a life jacket. 9 DELAYS to afford the luxury of sitting behind those magi- BAGGAGE Chances are, if you’re going down you’re cal curtains means it goes on the list. 4 RECLAIM in trouble and no whistle or light is going to Complete pain in the arse. Though on the plus save you. side we are now entitled to some kind of compo Conveyer belts seem to attract pushy lit- if the delay is long enough. Mucho gracias Mr. 6 AIRPLANE FOOD tle middle aged men bent on getting clos- EU directive. est to the bags. Be a gentleman and let RYANAIR Will that be beef or chicken? For years Aer women and children go fi rst or karma will see 1 CHATTY Lingus has held the prestigious title of having to it that your bags will be the last ones off. 8 NEIGHBOURS the most appalling plane food in the industry. Lucky for them, it is now only on the transatlan- SCREAMING We are grateful for the cheap fl ights and the Only relevant to those traveling alone and of tic fl ights that we are entitled to our ‘free’ meal. 3 revolution they spawned within the industry greater annoyance on long –haul fl ights when Thus we’re just so darn grateful to get the few BRATS and all that other tripe. But would it really be all one wants is a slice of peace and quite. Yes spuds and gravy that there is not a moan in sight. that hard not to act like such misery indiffer- I am from around here and no I don’t want to There’s always one little angel who turns into ent unprofessional bastards the whole time? know your family history, now piss off stranger the devil child once airborne. Hope to God your A please and a thank-you won’t cost you a and have a nap like the rest of us. 5 THE TOILETS not beside the little darling and try not goad it. penny Mr. O’Leary. College Tribune 06.03.06 REGULARS 27

BECAUSE A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM DOUBLED

Dear Tribune, Dear Murderer I’m not quite sure how to start this letter, I’ve She knows all about my done something awful… I think you’ve just solved your problem. The family and is willing to As I’m sure you’re aware the SU elections are Gardai are regular readers of this page and will accept them to make me taking place at the moment and I was involved no doubt launch an immediate and thorough in- happy. However, I’ve with one of the campaign teams. vestigation into the whereabouts of the real Dan got a deep dark terrible I got drunk one night and ended up killing Dan Hayden. secret and I’m not sure Hayden. I know what you think, I couldn’t have, Expect to see a sub-aqua team dredging the lake how to tell her I’m an because he’s still alive and he’s the new SU Presi- any day soon. Ag Science student. dent. The best advice we could possibly offer is that Please help. But I did and his body is now at the bottom of you fl ee the country immediately. Yours in hope, the lake. Check out www.I-killed-a-man-and-have-to- Johnny His campaign team have obviously got a double scarper-before-I’m-caught.com for the best advice act in and concocted an elaborate ploy to win the on matters of this kind. election anyhow. I don’t know what to do. I seem to have gotten Dear Tribune, Dear Johnny, away with it although I’m sure there’s CCTV in the I’ve recently met a girl who I’m planning to Computer Science building where it happened. I have a bit of a problem. marry. I met her through a Christian email corre- We doubt there’s anything we can do. Your fi ancé The guilt is tearing me up inside. My father is in jail for tax evasion and mass spondence website. She’s currently coming to the sounds like an enlightened woman who would be What should I do, should I tell the Guards that buggery and my mother is deceased, due largely end of a manslaughter term for castrating, slowly ready to forgive most transgressions but the Ag Dan Hayden is not really Dan Hayden? to the shock of my fathers imprisonment. torturing and murdering her former husband for Science factor is too much for any sane minded My sister is a gossip columnist for the Sunday cheating on her with her sister. woman. Perhaps you set your sights too high. Try Yours in confusion Independent and my brother thinks he’s an astro- I really love her and want to be completely hon- aiming a little lower in future, maybe serial mur- The bloke who murdered the president naut. est with her before we get married. derers.

WARNING: LUNGING CAN BE DANGEROUS THE TRIBUNE GUIDE TO THE # 6: THE PERMISSION SLIP

LUNGEYou’d think we’d have a bottomless resource of Bullshit. Lunges when we set out on our mission to educate Not for the Lunge. We’ve seen these new pretenders. We’ve the student masses. You’d think that when we con- watched them dip and dive in Dublin’s nightspots and it doesn’t ceived of this notion we’d have it all worked out, bother us, Let them. It’s a compliment. You clearly underestimate the power of innovation, They owe their success to the Lunge, Many of them spent the amount of time spent devising new and more exciting their Friday nights waiting for the ten minute free view on the lunges. How do you top the ‘Gentleman’s Lunge’? Where Fantasy Channel before they picked up a Tribune this year. do you go when you’ve perfected the ‘Pick and Lunge? Let them Lunge. It makes us proud. They learnt from the Maybe we’re getting frustrated with lunging. Maybe it best but they’ve gotten cocky, doesn’t seem new and exciting anymore. Maybe the fact They underestimate the need to do the simple things right. that you’re all perfecting the Lunge left right and centre means The groundwork required to execute the greatest of Lunges. that we’re no longer in a position to clean up your mess. You don’t just march up to a randomer and snap your neck. Lungers everywhere have used this column to up their game. It’s the little things that matter. It’s what the intention was, It’s the raison d’etre but now its’ been Sometimes you need to ask. Lunging a girl can surprise her. successful and perhaps the unprecedented success means that we Without the proper approach work you can ruin your chances. need to, in turn, up our game. Sometimes with particularly coy girls it’s hard to judge from It’s tough when you have to cut a swathe through the clichés and the body language whether the Lunge is on. traditions of night-club behaviour. Being a role model for the young masses Thus, a simple prompting question is all that’s required. and teaching them the ways of the Lunge heaps pressure on the Lunges “What would you do if I kissed you now?” Known in the trade broad shoulders. as “The Permission Slip”, it’s the traffi c light of lunges. Perhaps we’re feeling the strain, Perhaps one of these new skilful lung- Often the pure politeness of the act warms the cockles of the ers should take on the mantle. Perhaps we should step aside. Maybe it’s girl’s heart. It’s an automatic amber. After that you lean forward all over. and wait for green. THE VOLUME XIX ISSUE VIII

N LY O Exclusive Interview with a URBINE L L Dublin rioter: T I

It’s Satire, Stupid! T S

31p MY EXISTENTIAL HELL INSIDE CELTIC JERSEYS = TORNADO HITS GRAVEYARD: SCUMBAG RIOTERS HUNDREDS DEAD Celtic Football Club have to- of bass please…..ah no you’re until a youth clad day denied any allegations right, that’s awful, did they do in a Celtic jer- that they were behind last that did they, we condemn that, sey answered SHOCK AS 90% OF months riots in Dublin city don’t we.” and abused him centre. Leader of the opposition, while our pho- SCUMBAGS STILL Some commentators had Joe Higgins stated “ I think it’s tographer hid in suggested that the Scottish too early to draw assumptions the bushes. DON’T LOVE ULSTER club instigated the disturbances about people who wear Celtic When asked if in an attempt to sell more jer- jerseys. We cannot generalise he was involved seys. Pictures of Celtic jerseys and state that they are all scum- in the riots the HOW TO PERFECT were splashed across qual- bags, we can’t and we won’t, youth replied “No”. ity Irish newspapers during the it’s not something we are going When questioned THE ‘21 MINUTE week giving the club massive to do. about the link publicity. “There is a struggle and we between Celtic SLOW ROAST’ A spokesperson for Rangers must unite, Celtic jerseys or Jerseys and the football club stated “this was a not.” riots the youth deliberate marketing ploy by the When told of the recent de- stated “You’re TRAVELLING fenian whores, we completely velopments Justice Minister a bleedin spa, condemn this action and are Michael Mc Dowell stated “ have you noth- INVESTIGATOR determined that Celtic Football there is a race to the bottom ing better to do club will not get away with it.” and regardless of facts, howev- with you’re time LOOKS INTO OPEN However, a Celtic FC big er irrefutable, I blame Sinn Fein. that knock on AND SHUT CASE wig told the Turbine “Ach aye, That is my position on virtually peoples doorways we felt that the protest would every tangible issue and at this and harass them. identify our core market and in- stage of my political career I am That’s absolute gut- crease sales. hardly likely to deviate from it.” ter journalism.” GARDAI EMPLOY “In fact, our actions have The Turbine refused been totally vindicated, we’ve to believe him and KAISER CHIEFS - experienced a massive jump in NAMED AND have printed his name sales. For example, there are SHAMED and address to that ef- WE PREDICT A no Celtic jerseys left in the Foot fect, the scumbag. Locker store on Grafton street.” We name and shame the scum- Damo Murphy COCK UP The news was roundly and bag rioter who answered his Council Estate on the quickly condemned by politi- door in a Celtic jersey. Westside of Dublin, cians the land over, Taoiseach The Turbine drove to a coun- Brown House With Satellite CHARLIE BIRD TO Bertie Ahern stated, “em, pint cil estate, knocked on doors Dish, GET OWN SHOW - 6 0’CLOCK NEWS LECTURERS ON SPORT THE BENCH UCDD have today announced plans to The scheme will be named IMWT introduce a lecturer reserve system. or “In McDowell We Trust” after the JOSE MOURINHO The plan which is based loosely on the Minister for Justice. It appears that his new Garda reserve system will see a new frequent visits to UCDD were an elabo- HEADLINES GET part time reserve list of lecturers drawn rate camoufl age for consultancy on the up. new process. have on students the source continued, MESSY These lecturers will be unpaid and re- It is hoped that the new reservists will “we thought about them, but we don’t feel ceive 120 hours of training to equip them ultimately take over from permanent lec- they are really in the long term interests of in teaching third level students. turers, particularly in the Faculty of Arts. UCDD and its’ ability to make money.” One college offi cial told the Turbine “It’s Another source told the Turbine “those The reserve list will be drawn up from FOLLOWING SHOCK felt that this system will accurately refl ect stoner Arts lecturers have been getting anybody with at least two honours in their UCDD’s attitude towards teaching. It’ll go away with it for long enough. They contrib- Leaving Cert. While it is possible for grad- IN SU ELECTIONS hand in hand with Horizons. ute nothing to the college or the economy. uates to apply it is felt that a third level “After all most of those courses are wor- In fairness they bring in feck all money degree is a disadvantage as it encour- WE ASK: WHAT thy of the applied Leaving Cert and you apart from government grants and any ages independent thought, something col- only have to have basic qualifi cations to eejit could get them.” lege authorities feel graduates of Horizons WOULD BOD DO? teach that.” When asked as to the impact this may could do without. College Tribune 06.03.06 SPORT 29 Mour cheating since Jose arrived The atmosphere of diving and cheating in sport today is something that is far more malicious than the scenes from the Battle of Omagh, and perhaps it is time for sport to toughen up in a similar manner in order to eradicate the cheats, writes Colin Gleeson

On a freezing cold Sunday morn- The scenes that materialized after ing, there is a small crowd gathered Ruud Van Nistelrooy struck the cross- around a rather muddy fi eld. They bar with his ninetieth minute penalty all appear to be shivering as they were an absolute embarrassment to huddle together in small groups in DOWN THE LINE Arsenal and all their fans. order to try and keep warm. As the Van Nistelrooy was bombarded wisp of cloud overhead begins to by several Arsenal players includ- produce a few speckles of rain, the ing Martin Keown who screamed in crowd shudders simultaneously. his face as he threw his body into But it has do be done. The trials the Dutchman’s as he walked away. and tribulations entailed with par- The scene resembled a bully in a enthood. school playground and it was a ter- The kids on the fi eld are all under rible shame that the club were not eight years of age and enjoying the docked points for something which game they all love. Carefree. As one was a totally disgraceful example to particular lad gets the ball, he darts show to the millions of children who past the fi rst defender before swiveling were watching. around the second. As he goes past It would do these players no harm the third, he throws himself to the turf to behave in the same manner of and begins to roll around as he clutch- some of Snooker’s top players. It es his right shin. There was no con- was a breath of fresh air to hear that tact. The referee blows his whistle and Ken Doherty and John Higgins were awards the free kick. Nobody bats an able to share a plane out of Malta just eyelid. This scene encapsulates the hours after they had played one an- tragic consequences of the actions of other in the fi nal of the Malta Open. certain sportsmen today. In the age of the Prima Donna, it Sportsmen today are role models is admirable that the pair are capa- for the millions of children around ble of maintaining a good friendship the world who are in love with sport. away from the table, while being able These children who are the superstars to drink and laugh together on the of tomorrow. Tomorrow’s caretakers Messi: The Argentinan starlet gets lampooned by Asier Del Horno moments before making the most of his injuries plane, despite being fi erce rivals at of sport. The current climate of world the table. Snooker is the embodiment sport is such that it is in mortal danger What went on after kickoff and what Every team Mourinho has managed However there is a slightly perverse of good sportsmanship and it is here of transcending into a world of farce is going on in almost every football have adopted such tactics and the fact bright side to that whole charade. At that the likes of Arjen Robben and and drudgery. The mentality that has match that is played nowadays is a that this man then has the audacity to least those involved are passionate Martin Keown should look for pointers come to the fore in many circles, where total embarrassment to clubs and fans cry foul as he harps on about conspir- about their county and about play- as to what the appropriate manner of players are attempting to con referees alike. Players such as Arjen Robben acies and the behavior of other teams ing the game. At least they are will- behavior is. into giving free-kicks or to send fellow and Filippo Inzaghi are perhaps the on the pitch, when he himself is as ing to stand up like men and put their It is essential for soccer and sport professionals off, is a betrayal of what most signifi cant offenders of diving and guilty as anyone. views across rather than laying on the in general, and crucially for the stars sport should be all about. feigning injury, but there can there be Looking towards the other extreme ground feigning injury and attempt- of tomorrow, that the atmosphere of More and more, there is an atmos- little doubt as to the common domina- of this issue, the GAA springs to mind. ing to get fellow professionals sent spite that has seen players cheating phere of malice emerging. The days tor regarding the most serial offenders. Take for the example the league clash off. There is much greater shame in at the games they are supposedly in of sportsmanship would appear to be Namely Jose Mourinho. between All-Ireland champions Tyrone the actions of Jose Mourinho and his love with is totally eradicated in order long gone. Last month’s Champions The most disgraceful display of and Dublin last month. The game end- army of con men. to ensure a healthy future for sport. League Second Round tie between downright cheating occurred during the ed in controversial circumstances af- It is a real tragedy that the days of And if the consequence of this means Chelsea and Barcelona was the lat- 2003 Uefa Cup Final between Celtic ter mass brawls throughout the match good sportsmanship and the spirit in that games will be more physical, per- est debacle in a long line of sporting and Porto. With Mourinho at the helm, threw the game into disrepute. The which sport should be played, would haps in a similar vein to a lot of GAA injustices. Before a ball was so much the Portuguese players disgraced sanctions that have been imposed appear to be behind us. Another ex- fi xtures, it is sure to guarantee a more as kicked, Chelsea Football Club had themselves as they spent the entire on both Dublin and Tyrone since that ample of a scandalous breakdown in thriving future than that which sport is spent a week soaking the playing sur- game, after taking the lead, feigning in- game have outlined the association’s sportsmanship was at Old Trafford two currently headed, despite the fact that face in order to hinder the style of Bar- jury and throwing themselves onto the desire to eradicate this sort of thing seasons ago as Arsenal held Man- the extreme side of this could be seen celona’s football. ground in order to run the clock down. from the game. chester United to a scoreless draw. during the Battle of Omagh.

by Gordon Tobin The diary of.... a superleague captain The league table is looking ominous. The champions of last year, Football and the inconsistency of most teams, which is due mainly to their first United, have now suffered a league defeat and do not appear to be in the same choice players failing to show up in sound body and mind. strong position as last year. There is always an element of luck involved. Judging by my own team’s DCU maintained their 100% record two weeks ago, fuelled by the rage of last luck this season, I would think we would need every rabbit’s foot under the years poor end of season performance, and they now find themselves sitting sun to win this one. Always in these competitions there is a surprise package pretty at the top of the table thanks to an impressive string of wins. and I hope it’s our turn this year. Befittingly of our own team lately, we have suffered two defeats to DCU and Benevolence is not one of our traits, so as a message to whoever draws us, I Milltown after beating Football United, all but handing the league to DCU hope you wear strong shin guards. Languishing as we are in sixth position unless they have an uncharacteristic dip in form. But considering they have in our own league, we will give the cup everything we have, as it’s our last played nearly all their main rivals at this point, that is beginning to look chance of any kind of glory this season. highly unlikely. Opening draws will be very important in determining who might go all Usurped as they are from the top spot, I am sure DCU will hit the ground the way. running in their next league game, which is still due to be scheduled as the In any case it will take blood and sweat to win the cup as well as fortune, Star cup is now underway. and on that note I wish you all the best of luck. And a note of advice for all The Star cup holds the hopes of all those who don’t have a prayer in their own those in their last year of Superleague, don’t take this competition lightly league. Endeavoring to win this puppy is not easy due to the knockout rules it may be your last chance. College Tribune 30 SPORT 06.03.06 AVOIDING THE DROP As the opening exchanges in the coming years eircom League approach, Ben Blake looks at the season ahead for UCD as he speaks to Pete Mahon and Gary Dicker

I haven’t heard anything from them yet, but hopefully something will come of it. I’d definitely love to give England a go; it’s the place to be isn’t it. All I can do is keep plugging away at UCD College Tribune 06.03.06 SPORT 31 Students Clip Photo: Colin Breheny Hermes Wings

A stunning Eimear Horan solo effort NATIONAL HOCKEY CENTRE in the sixty-fourth minute against old rivals Hermes last Sunday afternoon UCD 1 was enough to propel the UCD ladies hockey team into the Leinster Senior Cup fi nal. Hermes 0 Tom O’Donoghue’s College outfi t COLIN BREHENY were worthy victors from this tightly fought encounter at a cold but sunny also instrumental in battening down the Belfi eld setting, in a game where de- hatchets at the back. fences were on top throughout and Hermes did breach the home de- chances were few and far between. fence in the tenth minute when Aoife Hermes had already recorded a 1-0 Mitchell found herself through on goal, victory over the home side in the league but a fi ne save from Pamela Smithwick but came into this game missing a kept the sides deadlocked. handful of key players due to interna- UCD had to wait until the cusp of half tional commitments. time for their fi rst genuine chance on Linda Caulfi eld, Fiona Connelly, Kris- goal, when Roisin Flinn had a fi ne ef- ten Farrell and Catriona Carey were all fort foiled by Nicky King in the Hermes under strict instructions to sit out Sun- goal. day’s clash as they are part of the inter- The Hermes outfi t elected to play Under Pressure: UCD repel a Hermes onslaught national fold that are in preparation for a four across the midfi eld for much of the key World Cup qualifi er game in April. game, with ex-Irish international Mary Simple turnovers of possession lucky to see a fi ne effort skim the left “I think it was key for us on the day And the Belfi eld brigade took full ad- Logue looking menacing at times on through wild or inaccurate swings did hand post and wide. not to concede fi rst. We probably hand- vantage of their weakened opponents the ball. Yet it was clear that the Col- little to endear the spectacle, but the But 1-0 was how it remained, thus ed the initiative to Hermes a bit, but we to book a place in the Leinster Senior lege side had their homework done on breakthrough was certainly worth wait- handing UCD a welcome passport were confi dent that we could punish Cup fi nal against Railway in Three Rock the opposition, and Logue’s infl uence ing for when it eventually came just af- into the Leinster fi nal on March 17th them later as the game wore on. I knew Rover’s Ground in Rathfarnham on St was consistently diluted as she was ter the hour mark. next. After the game, manager Tom our fi tness would not let us down and Patrick’s Day. drowned in a sea of blue nearly every Livewire Eimear Horan caught de- O’Donoghue said he was delighted for thankfully Eimear struck gold late on”. The fi rst half was a nervous and ten- time she got near the action. fender Sinead McDonnell napping in the team and hopes that they can fi n- For the moment at least, the ladies tative affair with Hermes marginally the UCD began the second half with a far possession just under the stands, be- ish the job they started on St Patrick’s will be concentrating on the league as better side overall. It was clear from the greater urgency to their play and soon fore embarking on a fi ne solo run and Day. they fi nd themselves still very much in offset that UCD were electing to play wrestled the rights to dictate the pace of rattling the ball into the top right hand “I’m absolutely delighted for the girls. the hunt for a playoff place with only a a three quarter press, thereby allow- the game off their guests. corner past the helpless Hermes cus- We have put in a huge effort all year few points separating the top six teams ing the visitors to dictate the play from Yet the quality of the hockey served todian. and it is great to be in with the chance in the competition. the word go. Sweeper Christine Quin- up by both sides was certainly insuffi - The goal seemed to knock the wind of picking up some silverware now”. UCD: P Smithwick; C Quinlan, M lan was kept busy for long periods of cient in warming the cockles of specta- out of the visitors’ sails, and they were O’Donoghue confi rmed that the key O’Connell, N Herily, F Flinn; E O’Neill, J Bourke (capt), S Gleeson; F Braddish, that half but she coped admirably with tors’ hearts against the biting February lucky not to be digesting an even heftier to their game plan was to keep it tight at R Flinn, E Horan. Subs., L Jacob, E all that was thrown at her, with Marie wind, as the action was peppered with defi cit two minutes later when full for- the back early on and counter when the Balbarnie, H Jenkinson, A Keating, N O’Connell and captain Jane Bourke amateur mistakes throughout. ward Roisin Flinn was desperately un- opportunity arose. Keogh. Short-Handed, but Full of Heart

Despite only having two players on College late in the second as it was NATIONAL BASKETBALL ARENA “Being the only American out UCD Marion remain at the bottom the bench compared to the Sham- apparent that several of the players there, a lot of the focus is on me of the North Conference in sixth place rock Rovers Hoops six, UCD Marian were having a tough time making it up UCD 85 during the game,” said Lufkin, “I with a 4-12 record. were able to hang on to a six point and down the court at full speed. thought hard about my game the A win is a win; it’s the fi rst time since lead in the fourth quarter and run “My college coach in the States Shamrock Rvs past week and realized that this is December and the inexperienced stu- away with an 85-74 win at the Na- used to tell me to go as hard as you 74 why I’m here, and wins like this re- dents will continue to assemble experi- tional Basketball Arena in Tallaght. can while you’re on the fl oor,” said PJ MULLEN mind me why I love the game.” ence and maybe by this time next year UCD not only snapped a fi ve game centre Nate Lufkin, “and playing 40- UCD were earmarked as poten- they will have another American player losing streak and won for the fi rst time plus minutes a game and going as ond half. tial favourites for the division at the to help support both the offence and since December, but they also won for hard as you can without a break gets Guard Ian O’Boyle, the students beginning of the year but with the de- defence. the fi rst time on the road this season. pretty hard at certain periods.” high-scorer with 18, hit three consecu- parture of American Damion Moberly, “We have plans in place to get an- Credit for the win may come from Lufkin, UCD’s only American player, tive three-pointers to contribute to a three other players and two coaches, other American for next year,” said Fo- the fact that the Hoops shot just 31% accounted for 14 of their points. 10-0 run, with College regaining mo- the season has been anything but a ley, “But for now we are going to focus from the fi eld, however, you cannot ig- After a slam-dunk by Ruben Statum mentum and the lead in the third going success. on gaining more experience.” nore the gutsy play by UCD with such of the Hoops with just under two min- into the fourth quarter up by six. “The pressure is off our backs now, North Conference P Pts a small roster going into the match up. utes left in the fi rst half, the boys in “We knew we needed this one,” said we’ve lost so many players this season, Merry Monk Ballina 18 22 Veteran Ed Randolph was the most re- blue looked as if they were headed forward Kevin Foley, “we were hud- it was hard to win the close games,” cent of four players to leave the team down that all too familiar path. The dling up on the fl oor, playing tenacious said Lufkin, “Now that there isn’t any Roma St Vincent’s 17 18 before the season’s end. Hoops were up 48-43 at the half-time “D”; we fi nally won a close one.” pressure, guys are taking their shots DART Killester 18 18 “Despite having less of a squad we interval. The Hoops continued to miss shot and playing with more confi dence, it MDS Star 18 12 played with a lot of heart tonight, good “At halftime the plan was to regain after shot and were only able to put 14 will build experience for next year.” Shamrock Rvrs Hoops 18 10 defence pays off,” said guard Kevin the lead and go up about six or eight on the board in the fourth while UCD The pressure is now off Barron’s UCD 17 8 Meaney who fi nished the game with by the end of the third and then hold on added to their lead and knocked the back, this was his fi rst win with the

14 points. and play smart basketball in the fourth monkey off their backs with the 85-74 squad since he took over in late Janu- South Conference P Pts

The game was about as even as to get the win,” said Meaney. win. ary. UCC Demons 16 28 they come, to start off UCD had an Coach Gerry Barron’s plan ended “This was a good team that we “We are going to fi nish the season Limerick Lions 17 22 early lead but that quickly disappeared up working perfectly. With a team that played against tonight,” said Foley, “it strong, it’s going to be a dog fi ght with Gleneagle Lakers 16 20 as the score was tied at 21 at the end is almost used to losing all of their is truly a testament to our team to go such a small roster, but maybe we can Abrakebabra Tigers 15 16 of the fi rst quarter. games in the third quarter, UCD came out there with one American and get a upset a few teams with playoff hopes.” The lack of a bench started to get to out fi ring successfully to begin the sec- win.” said Foley. Neptune 16 12 SPORT NO WAY JOSE HARD TIMES AHEAD? DOWN THE LINE PAGE 37 EIRCOM LEAGUE PREVIEW PAGE 38 UUCDCD toto bebe ddealtealt LLeinstereinster WWildcardildcard

Fresh developments have been sion within the Dublin County Board themselves without any players, as such events, the Task Force has pro- COLIN GLEESON brought to the attention of the who have issued a motion in next hurlers would be forced to choose posed that the County champions of GAA’s Management Committee proposals. It is understood however, month’s congress to be held in Kil- between the college and their home Kildare, Westmeath, Meath and Wick- in the past week regarding the re- that the fi nal draft will not contain any larney which stipulates that UCD be clubs. low would be moved to the Leinster cent controversy surrounding the signifi cant changes. thrown out of the County Champion- According to the Task Force, UCD Intermediate Club Championship as a involvement of UCD in the Dublin Traditionally, UCD have had to win ships on this basis. The result of such have accepted that they are in a result of the failure of any club from Hurling Championships. the Dublin Championship in order to a motion being passed would most strong position in Dublin hurling but those counties to ever make it as far A committee set up in order to re- make it through to the Provincial Club probably mean that UCD would fi nd declared that this position will be dif- as the semi-fi nals in the Leinster Sen- view the make-up of the Club Champi- Championship. But as a result of fi cult to sustain, and that the profi le the ior Championship. As a result there onships, in a report known as the Club growing opposition from several Dub- The Task Force college holds is essential to keep up will be room for a college club in the Championship Task Force, declared lin clubs as to the college’s presence the status of Gaelic Games within the competition. that UCD’s involvement in the Dublin in Dublin, the Task Force has had to found it difficult college. As far as player eligibility goes, the Senior Hurling Championship should address the situation. to accept the The Task Force accepted that UCD Task Force has recommended that ideally be allowed to continue, but as The report contained a review of the argument about are very strong in the Dublin hurling the facility to play for the college for an a result of the Dublin County Board’s involvement of third level colleges in Championship but found it diffi cult extra year at the end of the student’s reluctance to allow the college into club championships. It underlined the the strength of to accept the argument about the course be removed from the rules. It is their championships, the task force fact that despite the controversy sur- college football strength of college football teams understood however, that the Leinster has suggested that there should be a rounding UCD’s involvement, there as long as the Dublin County Board Council want UCD to have a profi le in direct route available for one college were no problems in Waterford, Cork, teams as long as seem unwilling or unable to tackle the the championships as a result of the to be given automatic qualifi cation to Limerick or Galway, all of which con- the Dublin County question of other high profi le clubs in strength of UCD Gaelic Games. It is Leinster along with the capital’s hurl- tain third level colleges who are in- the capital who are transferring in nu- likely that the college will continue to ing champions. volved in the Club Championships. Board seem merous stars to bolster their teams. produce talented players and it is for Liam O’Neill, the current Leinster According to the Task Force, the unwilling or unable It concluded that they were unwill- this reason that the college is permit- Council Chairman, and the Chairman Dublin County Board have nonethe- to tackle the ing to ban third level institutions from ted to play in the O’Byrne and Walsh of the Task Force on Club Champion- less contended that UCD are too the County Championships and that Cups respectively. ship Eligibility, outlined details of the strong and have admitted that it is for question of other UCD would be permitted to take part It is hoped that the proposals will plan at last weeks Leinster Council this reason that the County Board is high profile clubs as long as the Dublin County Board bring to an end the controversy that Convention in Navan. O’Neill and his not in favour of having UCD in their permitted it. O’Neill stated that the has raged in Dublin hurling in recent fellow committee members presented championships. The board has also in the capital who Leinster Council “have always main- times. UCD Director of Gaelic Games their report to the GAA’s Manage- declared that it is not acceptable that a are transferring in tained that we would be supportive Dave Billing declined to comment ment Committee and have been told player can play in two championships numerous stars to of the club in whatever way we could on the matter as he declared that “I to meet with the Games Administra- in different counties in the same year. within our rules.” haven’t seen any formal document or tion Committee before fi nalizing their The issue is currently under discus- bolster their teams As a result of the unlikelihood of the context that it’s in.”