The Importance of Being Earnest
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The Importance of Being Earnest A Trivial Comedy for Serious People By Oscar Wilde A PENN STATE ELECTRONIC CLASSICS SERIES PUBLICATION The Importance of Being Earnest, A Trivial Comedy for Serious People by Oscar Wilde is a publication of the Pennsylvania State University. This Portable Document file is furnished free and without any charge of any kind. Any person using this document file, for any purpose, and in any way does so at his or her own risk. Neither the Pennsylvania State University nor Jim Manis, Faculty Editor, nor anyone associ- ated with the Pennsylvania State University assumes any responsibility for the material contained within the document or for the file as an electronic transmission, in any way. The Importance of Being Earnest, A Trivial Comedy for Serious People by Oscar Wilde, the Pennsylvania State University, Electronic Classics Series, Jim Manis, Faculty Editor, Hazleton, PA 18202-1291 is a Portable Document File produced as part of an ongoing student publication project to bring classical works of literature, in English, to free and easy access of those wishing to make use of them. Cover Design: Jim Manis Copyright © 2006 The Pennsylvania State University The Pennsylvania State University is an equal opportunity university. Oscar Wilde THE PERSONS IN THE PLAY John Worthing, J.P. Algernon Moncrieff The Importance of Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D. Merriman, Butler Lane, Manservant Being Earnest Lady Bracknell Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax Cecily Cardew A Trivial Comedy for Serious Miss Prism, Governess People THE SCENES OF THE PLAY By ACT I. Algernon Moncrieff’s Flat in Half-Moon Street, W. Oscar Wilde ACT II. The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton. ACT III. Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton. TIME: The Present. 3 The Importance of Being Earnest FIRST ACT LONDON: ST. JAMES’S THEATRE SCENE Lessee and Manager: Mr. George Alexander Morning-room in Algernon’s flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of February 14th, 1895 a piano is heard in the adjoining room. * * * * * [Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, Algernon enters.] John Worthing, J.P.: Mr. George Alexander. Algernon Moncrieff: Mr. Allen Aynesworth. AlgernonAlgernon. Did you hear what I was playing, Lane? Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D.: Mr. H. H. Vincent. Merriman: Mr. Frank Dyall. LaneLane. I didn’t think it polite to listen, sir. Lane: Mr. F. Kinsey Peile. Lady Bracknell: Miss Rose Leclercq. AlgernonAlgernon. I’m sorry for that, for your sake. I don’t play ac- Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax: Miss Irene Vanbrugh. curately—any one can play accurately—but I play with won- Cecily Cardew: Miss Evelyn Millard. derful expression. As far as the piano is concerned, senti- Miss Prism: Mrs. George Canninge. ment is my forte. I keep science for Life. LaneLane. Yes, sir. AlgernonAlgernon. And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell? 4 Oscar Wilde LaneLane. Yes, sir. [Hands them on a salver.] LaneLane. No, sir; it is not a very interesting subject. I never think of it myself. AlgernonAlgernon. [Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa.] Oh! … by the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thurs- AlgernonAlgernon. Very natural, I am sure. That will do, Lane, thank day night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were you. dining with me, eight bottles of champagne are entered as having been consumed. LaneLane. Thank you, sir. [Lane goes out.] LaneLane. Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint. AlgernonAlgernon. Lanes views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Re- ally, if the lower orders don’t set us a good example, what on AlgernonAlgernon. Why is it that at a bachelor’s establishment the earth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have abso- servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for lutely no sense of moral responsibility. information. [Enter Lane.] LaneLane. I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the cham- LaneLane. Mr. Ernest Worthing. pagne is rarely of a first-rate brand. [Enter Jack.] AlgernonAlgernon. Good heavens! Is marriage so demoralising as that? [Lane goes out.] LaneLane. I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present. I have only AlgernonAlgernon. How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you been married once. That was in consequence of a misunder- up to town? standing between myself and a young person. Jackack. Oh, pleasure, pleasure! What else should bring one AlgernonAlgernon. [Languidly.] I don’t know that I am much inter- anywhere? Eating as usual, I see, Algy! ested in your family life, Lane. 5 The Importance of Being Earnest AlgernonAlgernon. [Stiffly.] I believe it is customary in good society AlgernonAlgernon. Oh! merely Aunt Augusta and Gwendolen. to take some slight refreshment at five o’clock. Where have you been since last Thursday? Jackack. How perfectly delightful! Jackack. [Sitting down on the sofa.] In the country. AlgernonAlgernon. Yes, that is all very well; but I am afraid Aunt Augusta won’t quite approve of your being here. AlgernonAlgernon. What on earth do you do there? Jackack. May I ask why? Jackack. [Pulling off his gloves.] When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amuses other people. AlgernonAlgernon. My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen It is excessively boring. is perfectly disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you. AlgernonAlgernon. And who are the people you amuse? Jackack. I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up to town Jackack. [Airily.] Oh, neighbours, neighbours. expressly to propose to her. AlgernonAlgernon. Got nice neighbours in your part of Shropshire? AlgernonAlgernon. I thought you had come up for pleasure? … I call that business. Jackack. Perfectly horrid! Never speak to one of them. Jackack. How utterly unromantic you are! AlgernonAlgernon. How immensely you must amuse them! [Goes over and takes sandwich.] By the way, Shropshire is your county, AlgernonAlgernon. I really don’t see anything romantic in proposing. is it not? It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing roman- tic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. Jackack. Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of course. Hallo! Why all these One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The cups? Why cucumber sandwiches? Why such reckless extrava- very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, gance in one so young? Who is coming to tea? I’ll certainly try to forget the fact. 6 Oscar Wilde Jackack. I have no doubt about that, dear Algy. The Divorce AlgernonAlgernon. Well, in the first place girls never marry the men Court was specially invented for people whose memories are they flirt with. Girls don’t think it right. so curiously constituted. Jackack. Oh, that is nonsense! AlgernonAlgernon. Oh! there is no use speculating on that subject. Divorces are made in Heaven—[Jack puts out his hand to AlgernonAlgernon. It isn’t. It is a great truth. It accounts for the ex- take a sandwich. Algernon at once interferes.] Please don’t touch traordinary number of bachelors that one sees all over the the cucumber sandwiches. They are ordered specially for Aunt place. In the second place, I don’t give my consent. Augusta. [Takes one and eats it.] Jackack. Your consent! Jackack. Well, you have been eating them all the time. AlgernonAlgernon. My dear fellow, Gwendolen is my first cousin. AlgernonAlgernon. That is quite a different matter. She is my aunt. And before I allow you to marry her, you will have to clear [Takes plate from below.] Have some bread and butter. The up the whole question of Cecily. [Rings bell.] bread and butter is for Gwendolen. Gwendolen is devoted to bread and butter. Jackack. Cecily! What on earth do you mean? What do you mean, Algy, by Cecily! I don’t know any one of the name of Jackack. [Advancing to table and helping himself.] And very good Cecily. bread and butter it is too. [Enter Lane.] AlgernonAlgernon. Well, my dear fellow, you need not eat as if you were going to eat it all. You behave as if you were married to AlgernonAlgernon. Bring me that cigarette case Mr. Worthing left in her already. You are not married to her already, and I don’t the smoking-room the last time he dined here. think you ever will be. LaneLane. Yes, sir. [Lane goes out.] Jackack. Why on earth do you say that? Jackack. Do you mean to say you have had my cigarette case all 7 The Importance of Being Earnest this time? I wish to goodness you had let me know. I have Jack. I am quite aware of the fact, and I don’t propose to been writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard about it. I was discuss modern culture. It isn’t the sort of thing one should very nearly offering a large reward. talk of in private. I simply want my cigarette case back. AlgernonAlgernon. Well, I wish you would offer one. I happen to be AlgernonAlgernon. Yes; but this isn’t your cigarette case. This ciga- more than usually hard up. rette case is a present from some one of the name of Cecily, and you said you didn’t know any one of that name. Jackack. There is no good offering a large reward now that the thing is found. Jackack. Well, if you want to know, Cecily happens to be my aunt.