Fall 2015  FROM THE EDITOR After the Oregon Shootings A Campaign to Raise Healthy Sons By Rob Okun

What if we treated every man who wants Isn’t this particular to guns is, lobbying Congress for stricter gun to buy a gun like every woman who wants to laws will never be enough. Nor will securing get an abortion? We’d require a mandatory strain of men’s violence additional funds for mental health services, 48 hour waiting period, parental permission, a public health crisis the as vital as those services may be. President a note from his doctor proving he understands CDC should confront as Obama is right: it’s up to individual citizens to what he’s about to do, and a video he has to band together to put pressure on Congress. But watch about the effects of gun violence. Then seriously as it did the he hasn’t gone far enough: he hasn’t uttered we’d close down all but one gun shop in every Ebola outbreak? the “M” word. That’s okay; that’s our job. As state and make him travel hundreds of miles, Gandhi taught us: when the people lead, the take time off work, and stay overnight in a wait another minute to move the gendered leaders will follow. strange town in order to get a gun. He’d have aspect of mass killings to the center of the Since men are perpetrating these mass kill- to walk through a gauntlet of people holding national debate. ings, it’s only right that men be our brothers’ photos of loved ones who were shot death, In recent years, the media has occasionally keepers, working to prevent our brothers’ hear people call him a murderer begging him made note of the killers’ being male, and the violence, beginning with promoting efforts to not buy a gun. It makes more sense to do this topic of how boys are raised in this society raise sound boys and men. Our experiences with men seeking guns than with women exer- made the news for a cycle or two. Then it was learning from and collaborating with women cising their reproductive health care rights. back to pushing for gun control and improving and women’s organizations will be invaluable No woman getting an abortion has ever killed mental illness services. Where is the sustained in all we do. a room full of people in seconds. inquiry into how boys are socialized in deserts Imagine if men across the spectrum band *Distilled from the writings of of emotional constriction? Where is the Front- together in a Let’s Build Sound Boys and William Hamby. line report on a society regularly producing Men campaign working with early childhood crops of psychologically stunted, angry, educators, nurses and doctors, school adminis- gain. This time the scene was a isolated men? Where is the clergy sermonizing trators and counselors, PTOs, and, especially, community college in Roseburg, about men growing up in emotionally arid soil sports coaches—from those in weekend soccer Oregon, 165 miles south of Portland. without exposure to the sunlight of compassion leagues to Division I football. Who could A fund such an effort? Who could underwrite a This time nine people were murdered. This or the waters of connection? time President Obama spoke out more force- Imagine if things were different. Imagine national media campaign? Who could cover the fully than he did after Sandy Hook. This time if right now school nurses were charged with costs of field offices in all 50 states? The largest there are stronger alliances forming to lobby tracking moody eight- and nine-year-old boys; men’s organization in the U.S.—the National Congress to pass stringent new gun laws. This if homeroom teachers were trained to spot Football League. time there are louder calls to improve services them as alienated middle schoolers; if guidance If the NFL wants to restore its sullied repu- for the mentally ill. counselors identified shut-down high school tation—albeit late in the game, and after a series Here’s one thing not happening this time: age young men; if university health center staff of fumbles involving domestic violence—let’s the shooter’s gender is not central to the counseled loner male college students; and if see the NFL put its money where its mouth is. story; is not the big news. This time few are community social workers and human resources (To be fair, the NFL has of late begun funding demanding we start taking seriously the fact staff helped unemployed and underemployed domestic violence and sexual assault preven- that the shooters are always men. That’s got 20-something at-risk men. And, imagine all of tion trainings league-wide.) to change. those groups working with nurses, doctors, and Former NFL defensive lineman Joe In the first several days after the shoot- mental health professionals in a coordinated Ehrmann has for decades been a driving force ings at Umpqua Community College, if you campaign at the Centers for Disease Control. nationally, mentoring coaches by the thou- watched television, listened to the radio, Isn’t this particular strain of men’s violence a sands to guide boys to grow to become sound or read news online or in a newspaper, you public health crisis the CDC should confront as men. He was recently honored with a life- heard nothing about 26-year-old shooter Chris seriously as it did the Ebola outbreak? time achievement award by representatives of Harper-Mercer’s gender being the single most If we take all these steps, our hazy, confused several national men’s antiviolence organiza- important aspect of the story. Why? Like fish picture of sad, angry, lonely young men will tions, and the NFL (see story, page 26). He says not recognizing the water in which they swim, come into sharp relief and we will recognize what makes a good man is 1) his capacity to the media, the politicians, and most of the we have to begin cultivating boys’ emotional love and 2) his being of service to his commu- rest of society takes for granted that of course intelligence beginning in preschool—and we nity. What better description could we ask men mass shooters are always male. This has got have to make doing so as high a priority as we to remember at the outset of a new campaign to stop. make teaching reading and math. Our vision to raise healthy boys? Mothers Against Drunk Activist-colleagues and I have written tens will be so clear we’ll be able to see inside Drivers showed us what a force women banding of thousands of words in scores of op-eds and troubled men’s souls before their time bombs together could be. Now it’s up to men—fathers, blog posts going back to before Columbine. And of discontent explode. grandfathers, mentors, all males—to step up. those killings happened in 1999. Our message What are we waiting for? could be boiled down to a single phrase: “It’s From Analysis to Action the masculinity, stupid.” We cannot afford to Here’s the hard part. Even if a critical mass *http://www.examiner.com/article/what-if- agrees with this analysis, how are we going to Rob Okun can be reached at rob@ gun-laws-were-like-abortion-laws effect change? As important as curbing access voicemalemagazine.org.

 Voice Male Fall 2015 Volume 19 No. 67

The Magazine for Changing Men www.voicemalemagazine.org

8 Can a Man Be a Human Being? by Allan G. Johnson 10

10 Domestic Violence Survivors Targeted by “Nuisance” Evictions By Eleanor J. Bader

12 Abusive Men Describe the Benefits of Violence By Chuck Derry

14 Boys, Porn, and Raising Good Men By Kathleen Kempke

16 Understanding Transgender Lives: Respecting Identity and the Right to Be Real By Damon Hastings

18 A Gay Husband’s Open Letter to Kim Davis 16 By Jim Obergefell

19 God Responds to Kim Davis By Rob Okun

20 What is Nonviolence Anyhow? By Tom H. Hastings

25 When Are Men’s Threats Threatening? By Rus Ervin Funk

26 Joe Ehrmann: Courageous Enough to Be Vulnerable 28 The Three Scariest Words a Boy Will Ever Hear 22 By Joe Ehrmann

29 World Leaders Pledge to Close Gender Gap

Columns & Opinion 2 From the Editor 4 Letters 5 Men @ Work 22 Color Lines - Why Black Males Need to Identify Racial-Sexism Against Them By T. Hasan Johnson 26 30 Books 31 Poetry - Keeping Quiet By Robert Bly 32 Resources 34 Poetry - In The Cave of the Teenagers By Freya Manfred

male positive • pro-feminist • open-minded

Fall 2015  Staff Mail Bonding Rob A. Okun Editor and Publisher Lahri Bond “Deep and them from taking effec- Art Director Important” tive collective action for Damon Hastings peace, preservation of Editorial Assistant I passed on the latest the planet, and social Christine Polaczak issue of Voice Male to justice. I was delighted Circulation Coordinator a friend who taught at to recently receive my Michael Burke my father’s school in first issue of Voice Male. Copy Editor the 1960s, does deep Back in the spring, I Crystal Boateng women’s work here in Website Manager was looking through Maine, and has spent the Syracuse Cultural VOICE MALE is published quarterly by the much time working in Workers catalog and saw Alliance for Changing Men, an affiliate of India. She was very Family Diversity Projects, PO Box 1246, they sell the book, Voice Amherst, MA 01004. It is mailed to sub- interested—in the Male: The Untold Story scribers in the U.S., Canada, and overseas articles on India espe- of the Profeminist Men’s and is distributed at select locations around cially. She has worked the country and to conferences, universi- Movement. I gobbled it ties, colleges and secondary schools, and with Indian women, up, reading the whole thing cover to cover. among non-profit and non-governmental and also led groups of women there. I’d never heard of the magazine before organizations. The opinions expressed in Voice Male’s work is deep and important. Voice Male are those of its writers and do then, but as soon as I learned about the not necessarily reflect the views of the advi- She, like you, does not look at things magazine from the book, I knew I’d want sors or staff of the magazine, or its spon- superficially. You are a good model, for it for my waiting room where our maga- sor, Family Diversity Projects. Copyright © me as well as for many others. 2015 Alliance for Changing Men/Voice Male zine rack is stocked with Ms., Tikkun, and magazine. publications from the Southern Poverty Susan St. John Subscriptions Law Center. I so admire the work you and Owl’s Head, Maine Individuals: 4 issues - $28. 8 issues - $45. your colleagues are doing in the profemi- Institutions: $40 and $65. For bulk orders, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call Voice Trickle Up for Change nist and antiviolence men’s movement. I Male at 413.687-8171. wish we had a men’s center here in Ithaca Advertising: For rates and deadlines, go to I’ve considered myself a feminist and like the one in Western Mass. where you voicemalemagazine.org or call Voice Male pacifist since I was in high school in the launched the magazine. 413.687-8171. first part of the 1970s. During Reagan’s B. Beth Cohen, Ph.D. Submissions: The editors welcome letters, presidential administration, I developed Ithaca, N.Y. articles, news items, reviews, story ideas and queries, and information about events of my own theory of social change—“trickle up”—and hoped that by becoming a interest. Unsolicited manuscripts are wel- Letters may be sent via email to comed but the editors cannot be responsible psychologist, I could help people at the for their loss or return. Manuscripts and que- individual and maybe group level heal www.voicemalemagazine.org ries may be sent via email to www.voice- or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, malemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice whatever distress they had that hindered Male, PO Box 1246, Amherst, MA 01004. PO Box 1246, Amherst, MA 01004

Juan Carlos Areán National Advisory Board E. Ethelbert Miller Activist/Consultant African American Resource Center, Howard University John Badalament Bill T. Jones The Modern Dad Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co. Craig Norberg-Bohm Steven Botkin Jackson Katz Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe Men’s Resources International Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies Judy Norsigian Eve Ensler Michael Kaufman Our Bodies Ourselves V-Day White Ribbon Campaign Chris Rabb Tom Gardner Joe Kelly Afro-Netizen Professor of Communications Westfield State University Fathering Educator, The Emily Program Haji Shearer Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund Byron Hurt Michael Kimmel God Bless the Child Productions Prof. of Sociology, SUNY Stony Brook Joan Tabachnick NEARI Press Robert Jensen Charles Knight Prof. of Journalism, Univ. of Texas Other & Beyond Real Men Shira Tarrant Sut Jhally Don McPherson Prof. of Gender and Sexuality Studies, Media Education Foundation Mentors in Violence Prevention California State Univ. Long Beach Allan G. Johnson Mike Messner Miriam Zoll Novelist and author, The Gender Knot Prof. of Sociology, Univ. of So. California Educator and author, Cracked Open

 Voice Male Men @ Work

Trans Woman, Bisexual and Transgender ACLU Sue over Sex Project. “Patricia Dawson will Patricia Dawson now be able to have her day in Discrimination court to correct the injustice of A transgender woman fired being fired simply because of because of her gender transition who she is.” can sue her former employer Dawson was an electrical for sex discrimination, a district apprentice at H&H for four court judge has ruled. years. When she told her boss The U.S. District Court for that she was transgender, she the Eastern District of Arkansas was forced to use her male birth denied H&H Electric’s motion name at work, even though for summary judgment in a gender transition was part of her perceived to fail to conform to she legally changed her name lawsuit filed on behalf of Patricia treatment for gender dysphoria. sex stereotypes. to Patricia, and was told not Dawson, a transgender woman Dawson’s claim asserts that “The court today recognized to discuss her transition with and licensed electrician in H&H Electric violated Title that what Patricia Dawson faced coworkers. Arkansas, who was fired by the VII of the Civil Rights Act of was sex discrimination,” said After Dawson started company after she transitioned 1964 by firing her because of Ria Tabacco Mar, attorney wearing makeup and more from male to female. Dawson’s her sex and because she was in the ACLU’s Lesbian, Gay, [continued on page 6]

Coaching for Change are “coached” on how best to respond if the young athletes raise concerns or disclose actual incidences of abuse. In this way, fter their parents, sports coaches have a major influence coaches can appropriately attend to their individual and institu- on many children’s lives. In the difficult arena of gender- tional responsibilities to both respect children and keep them safe. Abased violence, it’s the coaches who need coaching. In incidences where harm has occurred, even one adult providing Enter “Coaching for Change,” a new program launched caring support—and appropriate referrals—can dramatically in Minnesota to provide athletics increase that child’s capability to heal coaches with information and skills from the trauma. to understand and better respond to Coaching for Change is housed sexual assault, sexual harassment, teen on the Men as Peacemakers website dating violence and domestic violence (http://www.menaspeacemakers.org/ that their young athletes might be coachingforchange/) which includes experiencing. It then explores the their IMPACT program, designed to social norms and messaging that help move community athletics into the to create this environment of harm. It next level of organizational practice is through courageous conversations that supports the goals and objectives and teachable moments that coaches of the training. Technical assistance is can positively influence boys and also available. girls and can cultivate a team environ- Athletics has a profound influence ment that supports gender equity and on boys and girls, and our culture. respect. The high school version of Many adults cite their coaches as the Coaching for Change was introduced most significant influence on their by the Minnesota State High School League in August 2014 and is childhoods, second only to their mothers and/or fathers. now a mandated training for Minnesota’s high school coaches—all Helping coaches to understand and implement strategies that 25,000 of them. positively influence the lives of our children will support young A parallel Coaching for Change training for coaches involved athletes develop the character and understanding necessary not just with community athletics programs was released this April. This to have winning seasons but to lead successful and happy lives. training focuses on coaches working with 10-to-14 year-olds and The Coaching for Change training is free. For more informa- utilizes interactive scenarios and skills development appropriate tion, contact [email protected]. for that age group. —Chuck Derry Both trainings take approximately 30 to 45 minutes to Chuck Derry is director of the Gender Violence Institute (www. complete. The first 10 minutes of each is similar. The differences genderviolenceinstitute.org) Clearwater Minnesota, which he begin to appear in the interactive scenarios and proactive instruc- cofounded with Rose Thelen. He is a founding member of the North tions for coaches to build the team culture of gender equity and American MenEngage Network (NAMEN) and a member of the mutual respect. Those scenarios and planning steps relate specifi- MenEngage Global Alliance’s board of directors. He developed cally to the high school or community athletics environment in the Coaching for Change training in partnership with Ed Heisler which the coach is working. of Men as Peacemakers in Duluth, Minn., Donna McDonald from Coaches also learn to recognize “red flags” some young the Domestic/Sexual Violence Coalition of Anoka County, Minn., people might be exhibiting, perhaps indicating their having been and Jody Redman, associate director of the Minnesota State High exposed to abusive behavior at home or in a relationship. Coaches School League. He can be reached at [email protected].

Fall 2015  Men @ Work traditionally feminine clothes, across the U.S. is a core part of she was fired. Her boss told violence prevention campaigns, her she did great work, but was it made sense that an organiza- “too much of a distraction.” The tion would emerge to serve as case is heading to a trial later a national clearinghouse. The this year. More information Campus Advocates & Preven- about this case is available at: tion Professionals Association https://www.aclu.org/cases/ (CAPPA) was created by and for lesbian-and-gay-rights/ campus-based professionals who dawson-v-h-h-electric-inc. work to educate their campuses and colleagues about interper- Patriots Say No sonal/gender-based violence in to Violence all its forms and advocate for Professional sports teams and support students who have are beginning to step up in the been affected by dating/domestic fight against sexual assault and violence, sexual assault, and domestic violence. The New stalking. The NE Patriots are donating $1.5 million to prevent gender-based violence. England Patriots Charitable The group will provide Foundation, along with Patriots initiative called “Game Change: Baltimore Raven Ray Rice, both expertise on stalking, dating/ owner Robert Kraft, announced The Patriots Anti-Violence educators and the NFL believe domestic violence, and sexual in September they would be Partnership,” which will train it’s all the more important for assault/harassment prevention spending $1.5 million on gender- high school students in violence mainstream sports organizations and response on college and based violence prevention. Their prevention. Healey, who will be to use their wide social reach university campuses, and will efforts include a multiyear grant heading the initiative, will be to educate men and boys about work to elevate the national to Jane Doe Inc. (JDI), the partnering with Northeastern violence prevention, and set dialogue on these pressing Massachusetts coalition against University’s Mentors in Violence better examples of healthy and topics. CAPPA also will provide sexual assault, which will be Prevention program, which uses nonviolent masculinity. a hub for discussions of best used to support JDI’s new Insti- a model of violence-prevention practices, challenges, and oppor- tute for Safety and Justice. training pioneered more than 20 Advocates for tunities to further profession- Kraft and the New England years ago. Campus Safety alize the field. Members will have access to a members-only Patriots Charitable Foundation In light of recent high-profile Since working with young will also be teaming up with the violence cases in professional listserv, private Facebook group, men, and addressing unhealthy as well as evolving opportu- Massachusetts attorney general, sports, including the domestic expressions of masculinities Maura Healey, to launch an violence charges against former nities related to membership, at colleges and universities networking, training, legislative Kenya Gets Tough on Sexually Abusive Teachers

enya’s High Court has ruled that the nation’s schools are institute stricter policies for handling sexual assault allegations. constitutionally liable for sexual abuse committed against It also requires the government to make financial reparations to Ktheir students by teachers. The ruling was in response to the two victims. the case of two female students who had been sexually assaulted While the ruling has widely been seen as a victory for women’s by their teacher, Astarikoh and girls’ rights, the Center for Henry Amkoah. Reproductive Rights stresses In the High Court’s offi- that sexual abuse is still cial report, Judge Mumbi common in Kenyan schools Ngugi wrote, “It’s impor- and continues to advocate tant to send the message that for law and policy reform. any teacher who violates Equality Now, an interna- his duty… who abuses the tional NGO that works “for trust of parents who leave the protection and promo- their vulnerable children in tion of the human rights of his charge, and who turns, women and girls around the like a wolf, against them, world,” has launched the will be held civilly liable.” #JusticeForGirls campaign, (Ngugi acknowledged using among similar initiatives male pronouns in the report by other groups throughout because, he said, it is usually Africa and the rest of the men who commit sexual assault.) The ruling declares that the world, to end systemic violence against adolescent girls—particu- Teacher’s Service Commission, Kenya’s primary teachers’ union, larly sexual violence in schools, fear of which prevents many girls failed to appropriately handle the allegations and requires them to around the world from obtaining an education.

 Voice Male Men @ Work advocacy, research and prac- advantage of the family-friendly victimization rate was tice, professional standards, and policies, researchers noted, but possible—there was evidence communications. buckled under pressure to keep hundreds of thousands of To learn more about CAPPA, working and “suffer in silence.” students who were less visit www.nationalcappa.org This mentality, the authors con- likely to have suffered an or contact CAPPA co-facilita- cluded, hurts everyone. The assault ignored the electronic tors, Jill Dunlap and LB Klein workplace will remain gender questionnaire—the results add at [email protected] unequal, they said, until men to growing indications that or (872) 240-2270. There is believe they have cultural sexual assault is disturbingly currently no cost for member- permission to spend time with commonplace at colleges and ship. Supporters can “like” their kids. universities, especially among their Facebook page (http:// For more, go to: http://www. undergraduates living on their www.facebook.com/national- hbs.edu/faculty/conferences/2013- own for the first time, the Post cappa) or follow them on Twitter Can Involved Dads w50-research-symposium/ reported. (@NationalCAPPA). Have it All? Documents/Gender_and_work_ Though colleges already are web_update2015.pdf Support Coming A new study published by on high alert to the problem—in part because of a White House for the New Dad? the Harvard Business School not One in Five surprisingly reveals top manage- Female Students task force formed last year to A recent study called “The combat it— the survey findings ment at a global consulting busi- Assaulted New Dad” found that 89 ness say they have a “gender underscore the seriousness and percent of U.S. men ranked problem.” Gender and Work: More than 20 percent breadth of sexual assault’s impact, paternity leave as “important,” Challenging Conventional of female undergraduates at and how difficult it will be to curb the Washington Post reported Wisdom found that although the some two dozen prominent it. All the Ivy League schools took recently. That number varied by firm offers generous family- universities reported they were part except Princeton University. generation: 77 percent of Baby friendly policies, only 10 victims of sexual assault and The survey, conducted by the Boomers and 88 percent of Gen percent of partners were women, misconduct, echoing findings social science firm Westat, asked X fathers said the benefit should compared with 40 percent of elsewhere, according to one of about individual experiences be a priority, compared to 93 junior associates, according to the largest studies ever of college with sexual assault as well as percent of Millennials. the Washington Post. sexual violence. Earlier this fall, perceptions on campus about the Millennials, now entering Female employees, the study the Washington Post reported issue. Nearly all students at the 27 their thirties, are also more likely revealed, were much more likely results from the Association schools were canvassed in April than their predecessors to put to take family leave and sick of American Universities’ and May, with confidentiality family obligations ahead of job days than male employees. One (AAU) survey asking students guaranteed. Nineteen percent duties, the newspaper said. finding about men, specifically, at 27 universities about their responded, a lower rate than the “Today’s young men, surprised the company, the Post experiences with sexual assault survey team had hoped to attain. they assume that their wives reported: an equal number of and sexual misconduct, drawing The AAU survey provides are going to work outside the men and women had left in responses from more than a wealth of insights about the home,” said sociologist Michael the preceding three years. Men 150,000 students. prevalence of specific types Kimmel, a member of Voice said they quit because of the While researchers said the of assault at a cross-section Male’s national advisory board. long hours. They wanted to take possibility of an overstated of public and private research “They also assume they’re going universities; among them was to be amazing dads. They’re the stark finding that 11 percent going to be very involved with of female undergraduates said their kids.” Workplaces, he says, they experienced incidents of should adapt to the times to stay penetration that fit the criminal competitive. definitions for rape or sodomy, Only 10 to 15 percent of American employers, however, half of them saying it happened offer paid paternity leave. by force. Others said they were Research shows that American victims of unwanted touching dads rarely take more than two or kissing that could be defined weeks off. (The United States as sexual battery. provides no paid paternity “The leaders of our leave. Sweden, in comparison, universities are deeply concerned offers 60 days to fathers. Still, about the impact of these issues only about a quarter of dads on their students,” Hunter there use the benefit.) To read Rawlings, the AAU’s president, the full new dad study go to said. “Their participation in this http://www.thenewdad.org/ and other climate surveys is an yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/ important part of their efforts to BCCWF_The_New_Dad_ combat sexual assault.” 2014_FINAL.157170735.pdf.

Fall 2015  Can a Man Be a Human Being?

By Allan G. Johnson

ince publication of my novel, The First Thing and the Last, Except, apparently, when it’s a man writing from a woman’s a story of domestic violence told from a woman’s point of point of view. Sview, I’ve heard women readers express amazement that If “man” cannot be reduced to “male,” then what’s left are the such a book could be written by a man. requirements of manhood, which is not known for encouraging After giving this some thought, it occurred to me to try an sensitivity and insight into the lives of others. Comedians build experiment: to change “man” to “human being,” as in, Isn’t it careers on the emotional cluelessness of men, their inattention amazing that a human being could write such a book. Could to feelings and relationships, their not being “good at” intimacy, empathize so deeply with a woman in imagining her life. their inability to hear what women say or to divine what women Sounds a little funny, doesn’t it. Because empathy and imagi- “really” want. Even Freud, for all his insight into the mystery of nation, after all, are part of what it is to be a human being. Nothing the subconscious, was stumped when it came to that.** remarkable in that. It is the man and his manhood that readers cannot fit to their Which prompts the question, what is the difference between idea of a writer who could know and feel what it would take to tell a human being and a man? Well, that would depend on what we such a story, of a woman who kills her husband after he kills their mean by “man.” It is not simply a male who’s reached a certain son and nearly beats her to death, who must find inside herself age. Readers of the novel are not saying they find it remarkable what is possible in the wake of such trauma and loss. that someone with a penis could write such a book. Because there They wonder how manhood could prepare a writer for that. is nothing about a penis that decides whether you can imagine And they are right. To a point. Right up to where they assume the inner life of another human being, or about testosterone or that, being male, I must also be a man. testicles or the quantity of muscle and hair, or even the so-called Unlike the maleness of a body, manhood is a standard “male brain.”* Writers who inhabit all kinds of bodies spend their that defines and measures the man, as a status to be deserved, lives telling stories about people they are not and will never be. achieved, and conferred. And because we cannot confer it on ourselves, we must look to other men to see if we qualify or not. *Trans-men provide an example of people who would become And all it takes to be unmanned is for some men to decide that men while leaving their female bodies just as they are. As for the idea that males and females have different brains, etc., see, for example, **“The great question,” Freud wrote, “that has never been Anne Fausto-Sterling, Myths of Gender: Biological Theories About answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite Women and Men, and Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender: How Our my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference. woman want?’”

 Voice Male you’re a pussy or a girl or a queer sible to see it coming, this occasion or a fag or their bitch. And then, for shame and humiliation—all the until you find some men willing to ways to get it wrong, not have the recognize your manhood, you are not Manhood, unlike the answer, a show of doubt or fear or a man. But there is more—because tenderness, a lack of toughness, a manhood, unlike the body, is only an male body, is only an display of tears, being accountable idea, which means that, outside our idea, which means that, to a woman. imagination, it does not exist. Any situation, no matter how Only an idea, and yet, a powerful outside our imagination, small, can become a test of manhood, one, the foundation on which patri- it does not exist. with control or the lack of it always archy and male privilege are built, its at the center, making a lens through purpose to distinguish the man not which everything appears as an object from the boy, but from the woman. of control. But an object is a thing, To make real the fiction that “men” and a thing has no feelings, no inner are fundamentally different from and life to imagine. An object does not superior to “women,” that men are invite empathy, or compassion. smarter and stronger and braver and It is here that the man and his more of anything else that matters, manhood separate from the human elevating them above the woman and being. Because the absence of her womanhood.*** empathy and compassion is the Manhood is the roadmap for what bedrock of an indifference that a man is supposed to be and how he makes cruelty and violence possible, is to live, inside and out, and what by contradicting the core of what it holds it all together is an obsession means, and what enables us to be, with control by which men must human beings. It is why appeals to never appear weak or vulnerable or our “humanity,” to be “humane,” otherwise not in command. A real are never made in terms of manning man is one who knows, who decides, up. To be human calls upon the who makes things happen. He is very qualities that manhood would expected to be tough and logical, discourage, if not deny, in any man dispassionate and detached, decisive worthy of the name. and never wrong. He never quits or My readers’ amazement assumes backs down or admits to doubt. And that this woman’s story was written by he does not display, or even feel, any a man—as seen through the eyes of emotion that might interfere with manhood—and not by a human being that impression. And if violence is who happens to be male. It assumes I needed as an ultimate instrument must have more in common with the of control—whether to keep “his man who batters than with the human woman” from leaving him or get the being whose life he nearly destroys. football across the line or control It is an understandable mistake in another country—the capacity for a culture that conditions us to see and violence becomes manhood’s ulti- measure one another and ourselves as mate test. women and men. A world in which Every man knows what it’s like the patriarchal fraud of gender has all to have his manhood put at risk, how but supplanted our humanity. A world quickly it can happen, how impos- in which we might be amazed to discover a human being where before ***It isn’t possible in a single article we could only see manhood and to explain what patriarchy is about and the man. how it works, which the writer has addressed at length in his book, The Voice Male contrib- Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patri- uting editor Allan archal Legacy (see Spring, 2015). The Johnson’s latest short answer is that patriarchy is a book, Not from Here, is a memoir social system that is male-dominated, exploring not only male-identified, male-centered, and the national silence organized around an obsession with around unresolved control. More about social systems questions of race, in general and systems of privilege in accountability, and particular can be found in Johnson’s identity politics, but the dilemma online essays, “Aren’t Systems Just of how to take responsibility for a People?” and “What Is a System of past we did not create (www.allang- Privilege?” (www.agjohnson.us). johnson.us).

Fall 2015  Lakisha Briggs, a victim of domestic violence who faced eviction from her rental property, in front of her former home in Norristown, Pennsylvania, in 2013.

Domestic Violence Survivors Targeted by “Nuisance” Evictions By Eleanor J. Bader Jessica Kourkounis / The New York Times / Redux / Times York New The / Kourkounis Jessica o an outsider looking in, Alice and Gribben filed a lawsuit to reinstate Alice, the female tenant faced eviction. In Berlin, James would have seemed like a and won, allowing her to move back into the New Hampshire, a landlord refused to renew Ttypical Manhattan couple, both apartment, but the case highlights a common a woman’s lease after police were called in professionals and parents of one college-age problem for victims of domestic abuse. In response to a domestic violence complaint. son. They had lived in their rent-regulated much of the country, survivors—85 percent Similarly, in Glen Burnie, Maryland, a prop- apartment for 25 years and, while James’s to 90 percent of whom are women—are erty manager served a 30-day notice to name was the only one on the lease, it had revictimized by housing policies that dispro- vacate on a family within days of the prime never occurred to Alice to ask the landlord portionately impact low-and-moderate- tenant’s release from the hospital. She had to add her name to the contract. That is, until income tenants in both privately owned and been repeatedly stabbed by her boyfriend his drug addiction ramped up and things— government-subsidized rentals. and was still recovering. All three had been jewelry, cash and bric-a-brac—started to labeled “nuisances” both by property owners vanish from the unit. Local Ordinances Blame Victims and police. Alice eventually confronted James and of Domestic Abuse One of the most well-known cases, according to her lawyer, William Gribben, In more than 25 states, the threatened however, is that of Lakisha Briggs. Briggs, his response was to slam her into a wall and a nursing assistant, was living with her threaten to push her out a window and kill eviction is sanctioned by local laws—inter- changeably called crime free ordinances, then-three-year-old daughter in Norristown, her. “She escaped,” Gribben said, and went Pennsylvania, a Philadelphia suburb, when to a friend’s house. A day or two later Alice disorderly behavior ordinances and nuisance ordinances—that allow a tenant to be evicted she was told to leave her apartment in 2012. went to family court to request an order Briggs had called the police five times excluding James from the apartment so that if he or she is involved in criminal activity, causes property damage, disrupts the peace between January and May and had been she could return home. The judge refused, warned by the building management that if saying that because James was the only and tranquility of other residents or is deemed a nuisance by a landlord or local law enforce- she made one more call for help, she would tenant of record, he could not help her. be evicted. Not surprisingly, when her ex Shortly thereafter, an already ment personnel. distraught Alice got a frantic phone call Unfortunately, these laws often punish showed up in June 2012 and used a broken from a neighbor, informing her that all the most marginalized people, especially ashtray to slash her in the head and neck, she of her possessions had been dumped on when domestic violence, stalking or sexual did not reach for the phone. But a concerned the street. “Alice’s husband had signed a assault are factors. neighbor did, and even though Briggs surrender agreement, giving up the apart- Take the following examples. In Detroit, suffered injuries so severe that she had to be ment,” Gribben says, “and the landlord Michigan, an abuser broke into the apartment airlifted to a hospital, the incident triggered had obtained an order of eviction. This all a Norristown ordinance that stipulated that happened in a matter of weeks.” of his ex-wife, smashed windows, and was arrested for home invasion. Nonetheless, three calls to police in four months consti- tuted a “nuisance.” Court documents reveal

10 Voice Male that city officials had pressured her landlord She adds that the situation is exacerbated she should never, ever, have to weigh the to initiate eviction proceedings against her; by policies that tell owners that if they do not possibility of becoming homeless against he complied since failure to do so would evict a “nuisance occupant” their right to rent remaining safe. have compromised his livelihood. or manage a property will be curtailed. This Adding to the issues’ complexity, Park means that even when a landlord wants to says, is the fact that in many low-income Briggs sued to stop the threatened do right by a tenant, he or she is hampered communities, especially those of color, displacement from her Section Eight subsi- from doing so. police protection is not seen as a right. dized apartment. She was represented by Even more troubling, Walz says, is the “Domestic violence victims already face the American Civil Liberties Union, whose fact that “in many jurisdictions you need a biases from law enforcement staff who are lawyers successfully argued that the Norris- permit to be a renter, so if you were previ- dismissive toward claims of abuse,” she town Nuisance Ordinance violated the federal ously evicted as a nuisance, it’s on your says. “In many cases this is additionally Fair Housing Act, which bars gender-based record.” This leaves many tenants in the compounded by racism and discrimination discrimination in all public and privately lurch, since it makes it difficult for those based on class and gender.” In fact, in many owned dwellings. Her ACLU lawyers also with “bad rental histories” to find a suit- communities of color, police are often rightly pointed to the Violence Against Women able domicile and increases the likelihood viewed primarily as sources of violence, Act, which protects domestic violence that they’ll agree to an out-of-court settle- rather than as those who protect the commu- survivors in federally subsidized housing ment—typically giving up their homes by nity from it. from bias and mandates that consistent a specific date—rather than going to court It would be easy to despair, but Park and housing policies be in place so that victims and risking being blackballed. The lucky few other activists emphasize that some headway of domestic violence can remain safe. They who are able to hire a lawyer or secure free has already been made in protecting abused also noted that the policy violates the First legal representation, like Alice and Briggs, tenants. Not only has the Norristown ordi- Amendment right to free speech. Two years are exceptions to this troubling rule. nance been nullified, but more than 20 states later, in 2014, Briggs received a settlement have instituted some protections for victims. totaling $495,000 and the Norristown ordi- As of January 1, 2016, California will allow nance was upended, affirming that “it is Many communities— victims to terminate their leases after giving unlawful to evict an individual because of especially those of their landlord two weeks’ notice, down from race, color, national origin, religion, sex, color—are leery of calling 30 days. disability, or familial status.” Many other cities and towns throughout the police because the country are issuing regulations to ensure Racial, class and gender bias nuisance ordinances that a prior history of domestic violence will prompting passage of nuisance bills blame the victim instead not be used against a prospective tenant; a is often blatant. handful stipulate that calls to 911 cannot be of addressing the cause Kate Walz, director of housing justice construed as an “eviction-worthy” nuisance at the Sargent Shriver National Center on of the problem: domestic when prompted by domestic abuse; numerous Poverty Law, reports that despite the Briggs violence. states mandate that a landlord must change decision, so-called nuisance ordinances the locks on an apartment if requested to do remain popular in every region of the country. so by a terrified tenant; and a fair number “They’ve been promoted as a tool to root out The actual eviction of domestic violence allow a landlord to bifurcate a lease, evicting crime since the early 1990s,” she reports, survivors is not the only unintended conse- only the abuser, but not other household “and are heavily marketed at law enforce- quence of nuisance ordinances. Activists members from the unit, after a domestic ment conferences. The idea is that if a locale are quick to point out that these policies violence conviction. does not have this type of ordinance, all the often unwittingly benefit assailants. Sandra “Domestic violence is messy,” concludes ‘problem people’ will move into their town Park, senior attorney at the ACLU Women’s the Shriver Center’s Kate Walz. “But and overburden already overworked and Rights Project, calls ordinances “a legal nuisance ordinances undercut all the hard underfunded police forces and social service weapon” for the abuser. “He knows that she work that has been done over the past three entities.” While an exact count has never can’t call the police without losing her home, decades to protect victims. They discourage been done, the Shriver Center estimates that so he targets her and escalates the abuse, victims from seeking help and need to be ordinances have been promulgated in more armed with the nuisance law as a tool.” opposed.” than 2,000 cities and towns in 44 states, Park’s exasperation is audible as she many of them newly inhabited by poor and continues. “One of the biggest issues survi- working-class people of color. vors face is assessing the safest thing for Eleanor J. Bader teaches In fact, the racial, class and gender bias them to do. Sometimes reaching out to English at Kingsborough prompting passage of nuisance bills is often the police or taking legal action against an Community College in blatant, Walz continues. “In one town in abuser makes things worse but the decision Brooklyn, N.Y. A 2015 Illinois, an official actually said that ‘not about what to do should always be made by winner of a Project all renters are criminals but all criminals the survivor,” she says. In addition, while Censored award for are renters’ and an ad promoting ordinances Park acknowledges that many communi- “outstanding investiga- showed a Chicago public housing project ties—especially those of color—are leery of tive journalism” and a being torn down, the implication being that calling the police, she nonetheless contends 2006 Independent Press tenants from these buildings—poor, mostly that nuisance ordinances “blame the victim Association award winner, she is coau- African American women—are headed your instead of addressing the cause of the thor of Targets of Hatred: Anti-Abortion way. These bills respond to these fears problem: domestic violence.” She further Terrorism, and a contributor to a number of and while ordinances did not set out to argues that it should be up to the woman to feminist blogs and print publications. This harm victims of domestic violence, they do decide whether to call 911, go to a shelter, article first appeared in Truthout (truthout. nothing to deter the harm they cause.” or seek legal assistance or counseling—and org) and is reprinted with permission.

Fall 2015 11 Abusive Men Describe the Benefits of Violence By Chuck Derry

or many years, I facilitated court- household. You get the picture. Basically, that I was teaching men multiple personal mandated groups for men who the men got to control the women to get life skills and they were simply using those Fbatter. In the early 1980s we were what the men wanted… and the threat and skills in attempts to control women even concentrating on healthy relationship skills use of violence was the bottom line that more effectively. building, emotional identification and self- ensured it would happen. So what was the point? Why were they control, and anger management, among Now I was training men in weekly so invested in this controlling and abusive other related issues. Then battered women groups at the time to use assertiveness when behavior? in Duluth, Minnesota, began gathering to in conflict with their wives or girlfriends, One night I started the group by asking discuss the impact of the violence on their teaching them how to access and express the men what they thought the benefits were lives. What emerged was that the men who their feelings appropriately. Then I would of their violence. At first they all looked at beat them not only physically assaulted send them home to practice. The next week each other (notably) and said, “There are no them, but also controlled where they went, they would come back and report that their benefits.” This did not surprise me, as men who they talked to, what they wore, where new assertiveness “skills” weren’t working. who batter routinely deny their actions—as they worked, if they worked, how the I asked them why, and they would say, they deny their intents as well. So I said, money was spent, when, with whom, and “Because she still did A, B, C, and D and “Well, there must be some benefits from how they had sex, how the kids were raised, would not do E, F, and G.” Which is what he the violence; otherwise why would you do how the domestic labor was split in the wanted. I began then to slowly understand it?” They looked at each other again and

12 Voice Male then one guy started admitting there were • She’s a nurse-maid • Have someone to unload on benefits, and then they all chimed in until • She comforts me • Have someone to bitch at the four-by-eight-foot blackboard I was • Supper on the table • She won’t call police writing their responses on was full. • Invite friends over w/o her knowin’ = • Tell kids don’t have to listen to mom more work for her • Get her to drop charges Here is a list of the benefits they cited • No compromise = more freedom • Get her to support me to her family, my (until we ran out of space): • Don’t have to listen to her complaints family, cops, judge, SCIP, prosecutors, for not letting her know stuff etc. • She’s scared and won’t go out and • She works for me • Get her to admit it’s her fault spend money • I don’t have to help out • Get your way: go out • I don’t have to hang out with her or The first time I did this exercise I looked • Respect kids at the blackboard and I thought, “Oh my • She won’t argue • Determine what values kids have— God. Why would they give it up?” I then • Feeling superior: she’s accountable to who they play with, what school they decided to ask the men: Why give it up? me in terms of being somewhere on go to or getting to ignore the process They then filled a two-by-two foot space time: I decide —dictating what they “need” food, on the blackboard with things like, “get • Keeps relationship going – she’s too clothes, recreation, etc. arrested,” “divorce,” “get protection orders scared to leave • Dictate reality, etc. taken out against you,” “adult kids don’t • Get the money • Kids on my side against her invite you to their weddings,” “have to go • Get sex • Kids do what I say to groups like this.” That was about it. • Total control in decision making • Mold kids/her so that they will help do This was the first time I fully compre- • Use money for drugs what I should do hended the necessity of a consistent coor- • Don’t have to change for her • Keeps kids quiet about abuse dinated community response through the • Power • Don’t have to get up, take out garbage, criminal, civil, and family court systems • Decide where to go (as a couple) watch kids, do dishes, get up at night which can mete out safe and effective • Who to see with kids, do laundry, change diapers, interventions that hold men who batter • What to wear clean house, bring kids to appoint- accountable while preserving the safety of • Control the children ments or activities, mop floors, clean the women, girls, and boys they abuse. It • If she’s late, she won’t be again refrigerator, etc. was on that day that I realized if I had to • Intimidation • Answer to nobody choose between providing batterer groups • She’s scared & can’t confront me • Do what you want, when you want to for men who batter or a consistently effec- • Can convince her she’s screwin’ up • Get to ignore/deny your history of tive criminal and civil/family court response • She feels less worthy so defers to my violence and other irresponsible to domestic violence, I would choose the needs and wants behavior criminal and civil/family court response • She will look up to me and accept my • Get to write history every time. There are just too many benefits decisions without an argument • Get to determine future gained from this behavior. • Decide her social life—what she wears • Choose battles & what it will cost her After that first time asking the men so you can keep your image by how • Proves your superiority about the benefits of their violence, I began she acts • Win all the arguments to be much more effective in my work. • She’s to blame for the battering • Don’t have to listen to her wishes, It was astounding how dramatically the • She’s an object complaints, anger, fears, etc. groups changed once I acknowledged and • (I get) a robot babysitter, maid, sex, • Make the rules then break them when remembered that the violence was func- food you want tional—and that was why they used it. • Ego booster • So she won’t get help against you for • She tells me I’m great past beatings because she has no friends • Bragging rights to support her and she is confused by Chuck Derry is director • If she works—get her money my lies of the Gender Violence • Get her to quit job so she can take care • Convince her she’s nuts Institute (gendervio- of house • Convince her she’s unattractive lenceinstitute.org) in • Isolate her so friends can’t confront • Convince her she’s to blame Clearwater, Minnesota, me • Convince her she’s the problem a founding member of • Decide how money is spent • I can dump on her the North American • “I’m breadwinner” • Can use kids to “spy” on mom MenEngage Network • Buy the toys I want • Kids won’t tell mom what I did (NAMEN), and a member of the board of • Take time for myself • Kids won’t disagree with me the global MenEngage Global Alliance. He • She has to depend on me if I break her • Don’t have to talk to her can be reached at [email protected]. © stuff • I’m king of the castle 2015, Gender Violence Institute. • I get to know everything • Can make yourself scarce

Fall 2015 13 Boys, Porn, and Raising Good Men By Kathleen Kempke

’ve worked in the antiviolence field since 1980—in rape crisis film. The “conversation” we had afterward was one of the toughest centers as an educator, advocate, director and board member of I ever had (and I have taught violence awareness and prevention to Itwo state sexual assault coalitions/ councils. As a committed elementary, junior and senior high, and university students, as well feminist who raised sons, I know the work I do did not always make as professional and college sports teams and coaches). their lives easy. Mom was (and is) “the rape lady.” As teens in the The boys were chillingly silent and, while they did sit respect- 1990s, it meant they were sometimes teased, sometimes questioned fully (all painfully aware that their parents could be told), they did and sometimes confided in (I can’t tell you how many late-night not give me much to work with during our “dialogue.” They were phone calls we processed about their friends’ situations at home.) not happy but I could tell they were more than a little intrigued by the The result was that they became amazing young men. Now that they film’s message. When I started talking about the issues of violence are grown, my sons have expressed their gratitude for the messages against women and the objectification of women—and how those they received growing up. They have acknowledged that they made issues apply to their mothers, sisters, and friends in the community, them better men, and better partners and hope they will make them I saw a glimmer of understanding. I even talked about Tom, a youth better parents. their age in the neighborhood who had begun to identify as female. In 1999, when my oldest son was 13, he often would have friends They were struggling with Tom and getting pressure from others to over, playing games and watching movies late into the night. It wasn’t bully him. We talked a bit about differences and acceptance. As with uncommon for two or three to spend the night, camped out on the most difficult subjects you’re trying to talk about with teens, you floor of our family room. Morning would mean boys collecting their need to “know when to hold ’em, and know when to fold ’em” so I possessions, having a quick breakfast, and leaving for home. Our tried to keep our dialogue brief. Despite their begrudging participa- neighborhood was like many others, with their homes a few blocks tion, when it was all done I hoped they walked away with more than away, and all the parents were well acquainted with one another. a little glimmer of awareness. One morning, as Nate, Sam and Trevor (not their real names) Three years later, the same boys piled into my van en route to were eating, I took a quick look at the family room to ensure football practice. As parents of teenagers eventually learn, I knew everyone had packed up all their belongings. In the VHS player I the car was one of the best places to have difficult conversations. I found a tape labeled “Three Stooges Marathon.” I went to remove the asked about their transgender classmate Tom. I knew she had fully tape to return it to Nate. For some reason, I pressed “play” instead. transitioned, but was still going by Tom since the school would not What a surprise: it was pornography! Not hardcore, but nevertheless allow her to use a female name. I asked them how it was going for degrading to women and not acceptable in my home, for my son, or Tom. They didn’t know I sat on a committee for the two high schools for Trevor, or Nate and Sam, both neighborhood boys I cared about. in our community to assist school social workers and administra- I was furious and disappointed. What do I do? tors with managing tough issues including heroin addiction, sexual I gathered the boys together and said, “The Three Stooges! How assault, and the struggles of LGBTQ students. I had worked on fun! Let’s watch a few together!” Of course, their faces gave it all bathroom and locker room privileges for Tom and was wondering away. I pushed in the tape and they quickly caved! I happen to have how she was doing in our conservative community. I asked if they a copy of Tough Guise: Violence, Media & the Crisis in Masculinity felt Tom was safe at school, did she have friends, and did students that the Media Education Foundation produced and featuring activist- tease or bully her. From what they had seen, they told me, she was educator Jackson Katz (a Voice Male contributing editor.) I said it accepted and it was not an issue. Not a negative word was said about was their choice—either we watch Tough Guise together and have Tom—only that her dress was against school rules—and no one was a dialogue about it...or I tell their parents. They chose to watch the addressing it.

14 Voice Male Apparently Tom favored Sometimes I think that midriff tops and shorts in the should have been my retirement warmer months, which was moment—I can rest now. But against the school dress code In the VCR I found a I am too stubborn and have so for girls. The boys didn’t feel tape labeled “Three much more to do. there should be a double stan- Stooges Marathon.” Last year, at a small gath- dard because Tom was a “guy” ering with Jackson Katz, I dressing like a girl. Truthfully, Before I went to return finally got to tell him my story. I think they wanted the girls to it to Nate, for some He encouraged me to write to wear midriff tops and shorts for reason, I pressed Voice Male. No one ever does obvious reasons. I brought the play. What a surprise: this work alone. I express grati- conversation around to why the pornography! tude to Jackson and all the men school banned certain clothes who are role models for future for girls, inviting an awareness generations. I’d like to think I of the sexism it implied. We have added to your movement’s discussed that perhaps Tom did success by helping to shape not have to abide by the same three more amazing men. rules because she was transgender and not seen as “provocative.” Again, Kathleen Kempke another difficult conversation initiated has been involved by the “rape lady” to get them to see sexism (and heterosexism) at in the antiviolence movement for 35 years. She work, and to help them see the big picture. has written prevention curricula, educated Fast forward 12 years and these now amazing men are having students and professionals, trained volunteers, serious relationships, getting married and starting families. At a and advocated for survivors. She has lectured in recent gathering, Nate, one of the young men that had been on the U.S. and Eastern Europe on sexual assault my family room floor all those years before, pulled me aside. He issues and has worked with two state coali- thanked me for helping him recognize the way boys are socialized to tions addressing domestic violence and sexual objectify women. He said it impacted his decisions when he began assault. After retiring from rape crisis work in Chicago, she moved to dating (although he told me that in 1999 he was very angry at me for the South where, believing that retirement is overrated, she manages destroying the “Stooges” tape). He said it certainly contributed to a rape crisis center. She is a mother and stepmother of three sons his meeting and marrying Jennifer, a successful and brilliant young and two daughters and soon to be nonna to a grandson. She can be woman. reached at [email protected].

Fall 2015 15 Understanding Transgender Lives Respecting Identity and the Right to Be Real By Damon Hastings

Reading Zoe Dolan’s memoir, There Is Room for You (see not only through engaging in anonymous sex with strangers, but sidebar), prompted Voice Male’s Damon Hastings to muse on the through self-invalidation (referring to herself as “fake”). This is language we use to talk about transgenderism and sexuality more more than a matter of simple semantics; it is how the language we broadly. use to describe gender and sexuality in our everyday lives is coded with stigma and normative ideals. Given the social exclusion expe- ne of the most striking, and painful, details of Zoe Dolan’s rienced by many trans people—which can lead to serious psycho- memoir, There Is Room for You, addresses the sort of logical distress and suicide—challenging the sort of language that Olanguage we use to talk about trans people. In one passage, invalidates others’ lives and experiences can literally be a matter of about a third of the way into the book, Dolan recounts an apparent life and death. bout of internalized transphobia—how she used to see cisgender Eventually, Dolan began to identify as a real heterosexual woman. women as “real,” while trans women, This opens a portal to a topic a lot of including herself, were “fake.” Being born with XX chromosomes cisgender people—both straight and otherwise—misunderstand: Being For years I used “real women” and a uterus does not automati- to refer to the overwhelmingly vast transgender does not necessarily majority of women who were born cally mean one is female—some- make someone gay or imply that in female bodies at birth. I insisted body born with these traits could they are outside of the gender binary. Lumping all transgender people in on using the phrase even though it just as well grow up to become an tended to raise hackles within the with non-binary or genderqueer folk trans community, since the wording adult man. (those who identify with no specific implies that I was not real but gender or traditional gender), or “somehow” fake instead. Mine was a perspective of convenience, assuming that they identify as queer, explaining away my failures in relationships with men this way: erases many transgender identities. Excluding trans people from the much as self-effacement had shriveled my soul into the oblivion of identities they share with cis people, and through which both under- sex addiction, now, too, I did not exist, I was not real. (p.100) stand themselves, is, then, a form of social segregation. This topic has been at the center of a number of high-profile This passage is only a slice of the book’s broader depiction of controversies recently, perhaps most noticeably in the case of Lila how trans-exclusive ideas of gender can be internalized by trans Perry, a female high school student and the target of bullying and people—in this case leading to a sort of self victim-blaming that, protests over her use of her school’s female bathrooms and locker regardless of how you define it, led Dolan to doubt her own identity. room, all because she is trans. Perry has rejected the notion that she (Note: Many today understand gender identity as separate from should have to use a segregated, gender-neutral bathroom, pointing sexual orientation. While orientation refers to our unalterable feel- out that she is not gender-neutral and is not non-binary—she is a ings of attraction, identity refers to how we make sense of those feel- girl. ings and define our place in relation to others, and to society.) While many of Perry’s critics continue to wrongly argue (read Much of Dolan’s memoir describes how for a lot of her life— believe) that separate gender-neutral bathrooms for trans folk are the before growing into herself as a woman—she tried to efface herself, solution to the bathroom debate, others continue to deride the idea

16 Voice Male that there is any such thing as “gender-neutral” in the first place. new generation of queer folk with the ideas and vocabulary to arrive For example, when the University of Tennessee recently considered at nuanced and liberating understandings of themselves. Many of a policy proposal that would require faculty, staff, and students to the opponents of such work often mischaracterize the idea that respect the use of gender-neutral pronouns, the school was met with gender is a social construction, claiming that there are no biological wide-scale derision, mostly from conservative commentators and differences between the sexes, when it is more accurate to say that it politicians who insisted that there are only two “real” genders. This questions how we interpret and assign gender categories on the basis sort of backlash against any challenge to traditional gender norms, of biological features and functions (such as, for example, the ability however, has a long and repetitive history. of many women to carry children). When first-wave feminists began to challenge the social expec- While nobody would deny the importance of understanding sex tation for women to wear burdensome clothing, a conservative and differences for medical purposes, binary sex categories (male or anti-feminist backlash argued for stricter dress codes out of belief female) are at least partially a political matter. For example, being that the erosion of the gender binary would somehow destroy society. born with XX chromosomes and a uterus does not automatically But two centuries after the ascendance of first-wave feminism and mean that one is female—somebody born with these traits could just the corresponding transformation of feminine identity, civilization as well grow up to become an adult man. has yet to collapse—in fact, it’s evolved. At one point in There Is Room for You, Dolan challenges the In more recent decades, academics and intellectuals working in expression “sex change operation.” Like Dolan, many in the trans and gender studies and related fields have questioned how gender and sex some in the medical communities have come to object to the idea that are socially defined and constructed, and as a result have provided a one’s sex or gender is “changed” by an operation, and now advocate

“There Is Room for You” here Is Room for You is a memoir by Zoe Dolan, a guilty were it not for the judge and prosecutor suppressing key successful criminal defense attorney known for her evidence, Dolan writes that the “law can be just as much about Trole in several high-profile terrorism and death penalty politics as justice...” cases. It takes readers on her journey from identifying as a gay Dolan is intriguing, the rare trans individual who’s in a posi- man through her transition to living as a heterosexual woman. tion of privilege and recognizes it. She is at times tortured over Along the way, she traces several other narrative arcs: her how she managed to avoid becoming “Cairo 53” because she is struggles with sex addiction that began as a teenager through a U.S. citizen. She could pass an FBI security check while other her recovery as an adult; the stress and pessimism of starting trans people can’t get past a TSA checkpoint. But she has also law school (despite being enamored with the experienced great discrimination, having been idea of justice), including becoming a well- sexually assaulted and once told by a man known defense lawyer. And, there is Dolan’s she went on a date with that he wouldn’t be ongoing attempt to come to terms with having interested in her if she had gender confirma- witnessed the arrest of 52 gay men (including tion surgery, “Because then you’d just be like a lover she never heard from again), now any other woman, except you couldn’t have known as the “Cairo 52,” while out clubbing babies. Who would want that?” in Cairo in 2001. The memoir also addresses On a stylistic level, the book’s nonlinear several other issues faced by Dolan and the narrative structure, particularly in the first of broader trans community. its three parts, “Adrift in the Nile,” sometimes Dolan’s struggle with sex addiction began gets in the way of telling her story, and often when she identified as a 16-year-old male results in jarring emotional shifts. Within the and would take nocturnal jaunts to sex clubs space of a few sentences, she goes from talking for anonymous hookups with men. Looking about the friend who vanished after being back on that time, Dolan characterizes her arrested by the Egyptian police, to talking sexcapades as an attempt to erase herself from about Kevin Spacey, a shift that might not existence, an impulse that also fueled her later work for those who don’t share her emotional self-doubt about whether she could call herself connection with the actor’s performance in a “real woman.” But Dolan’s perseverance The Iceman Cometh or aren’t familiar with the prevailed, and she is now a recovered sex play. Done carefully, nonlinearity can have a addict. Although law school was a struggle, great impact on the reader, but in her memoir she went on to excel in the legal world. it often feels more frustrating. Still, Dolan’s An interesting part of Dolan’s story is visceral and lyrical description of sex addic- how a routine FBI background check, to determine whether tion at the beginning of part 2, “The Heart in San Francisco,” she would get security clearance to work on a terrorism case, demonstrates her serious writing chops. allowed her to become more secure in her identity as a woman. Dolan’s memoir makes clear the importance of having a That investigation was the first time she ever presented herself society educated in the issues faced by trans people. Granted, as female to the government, and she was afraid the FBI would that onus should probably be placed on educators and politi- give her trouble. But she got through her security screen with no cians, not that trans person you met at a bar that one time. questions asked, and being a woman in the eyes of law enforce- Another reason to read Dolan’s candid memoir, and those of ment allowed her to really be assured of her own identity. other trans people, is not because cis people can ever become Dolan’s experiences as a defense lawyer challenged her experts on the subject, but because it might help dispel a lot of youthful zeal for justice and her faith in the courts. After a court- misconceptions about what it means to be trans. room experience in which her client might have been found not —Damon Hastings

Fall 2015 17 for the term “gender confirmation surgery.” we have a moral obligation to respect other They say terms like “sex change” or “gender identities—no matter how much gender-neutral reassignment” suggest one cannot identify pronouns confuse the uninitiated or how long as another sex or gender until possessing the our acronyms grow. reproductive organs traditionally associated with that sex or gender—an idea which is not only narrow in understanding, but also Damon Hastings, Voice erases the identities of trans people who are Male editorial assistant, unwilling or unable to go through with such is a writer and editor with surgery—but who nonetheless identify with a a long-standing interest in sex or gender different from the one assigned advocating for non-norma- to them at birth, before they are physically tive identities. He graduated capable of having any say in the matter. from Hampshire College, Such accounts of language being chal- where he studied literature lenged, and the backlash it always foments, and critical theory, with a highlight the importance of trans peoples’ right special interest in gender in to define their own identities. As a society, literature.

A Gay Husband’s Open Letter to Kim Davis

im Obergefell, plaintiff in the U.S. Supreme Court case that pick you up on those days when the odds are stacked against you. established nationwide marriage equality recently, wrote You know that you never have to do the dishes alone. Jan open letter to defiant Rowan County, When I met John, I had no idea that I Kentucky clerk Kim Davis, who was jailed would spend the next two decades building a for refusing to issue marriage licenses to all life with the man who would one day inspire eligible couples. She cited religious objec- me to demand our right to be recognized by tions to same-sex couples. The American our country. I earned the right to lawfully Civil Liberties Union represented Oberge- call him my husband, just as you have a right fell in the lawsuit against Davis. In the letter to call your husband such. Love transcends below, Jim recalls that his late husband gender. John Arthur’s dying wish was to have their You’re imposing the same indignities on marriage legally recognized by their home couples in Rowan County that John and I state of Ohio. suffered when Ohio would not legally recog- Obergefell and Arthur had lived together nize us as a married couple. Thankfully, the for 22 years. In spite of John’s 2011 diag- law is now changed so that nobody should nosis with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis ever have to experience the injustice that (ALS), the couple traveled from their native John and I endured. No one is above the law, Ohio to Maryland to legally wed after that Kim, not even you. state legalized same sex marriage in 2013. I joined the fight to have our love treated But when they returned to Ohio to live out equally precisely because our love is equal. John’s last days as a married couple, their The love that any family shares is no more or home state refused to recognize them as less worthy than that of any other, and it’s married for any purpose, including refusing Jim Obergefell at the Supreme Court on June 25, not fair for you, or anyone, to judge. It’s your 2015, holding a picture of his husband, to acknowledge Jim as a surviving spouse on John Arthur, who died in October 2013. job to simply do your job. Issuing a marriage John’s death certificate. The U.S. Supreme license at work is not a personal endorsement Court’s watershed decision struck down all discriminatory state of my marriage any more than recording a deed is an endorsement marriage bans as unconstitutional. of my home ownership. “I authored this letter, Obergefell said, “to send the It’s simply following the rules in this civil society in which message loud and clear that love transcends all else. It’s not we’ve all agreed to be members. Ms. Davis’ job to judge whose love is worthy of recognition. What truly matters is the kindness and compassion we share Her job is to simply uphold the law. Equality and justice denied with our families and with those around us. Love makes a family. anywhere means equality and justice denied everywhere.” And as of June 2015 the federal government agrees. I did not fight for my right to call John my husband in vain. Dear Kim Davis: I stand today in his memory and proudly declare him my legally As you may know, when you fall in love with someone, you wedded spouse. Do not stand in the way of others seeking their hand your heart and soul over to them. Anyone who has committed legal right to have their love recognized. to sharing their life with another human and forming a family unit Sincerely, knows that it is the biggest and most rewarding adventure you Jim Obergefell will ever take. You know that all of the laughs and all of the tears won’t fall Tens of thousands of people have signed the open letter with Jim on the echo of an empty room, but will instead be received in the in support of marriage equality. To add your name, visit: https:// warm embrace of someone who has pledged to see you at your best action.aclu.org/secure/letter-kim-davis. and love you at your worst. You know that person is there to help

18 Voice Male God Responds to Kim Davis

ince her release from jail, Kim Davis, the Rowan County, In the United States, clerks like you started issuing Kentucky clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to marriage licenses to same-sex couples in the Commonwealth Sanyone in order to thwart gay couples receiving them, has of Massachusetts on May 17, 2004. A lot of people who share not interfered with her deputy clerks’ decision to abide by the your convictions said back then, “The sky will fall,” and, Supreme Court ruling affirming gay marriage. Licenses have “Marriage will be irreparably harmed.” Didn’t happen. Just to been issued to gay Kentuckians without incident. Nevertheless, be sure, though, over the next several weeks I frequently circled God was unhappy that Ms. Davis had claimed she was acting over Boston— (Fenway Park, actually; you may remember that on “God’s authority” in denying 2004 was a heavenly year for the to issue licenses. Voice Male Red Sox). If the sky did fall, I editor Rob Okun has come into wanted to be there to protect the possession of a memo God sent Prudential Center. Again, nada. to Ms. Davis, which God agreed And, last I checked—a millisecond the magazine could share with its ago—there’s been zero impact on readers. heterosexual marriage one way or the other. Some marriages are To: Kim Davis going strong; some are troubled; From: God some are just bumping along. Re: My Authority (I did hear from some straight couples who opined, “Why the I’m writing to clarify my hell do gays want to get mixed up position on your citing Me as in the marriage racket anyway?” the reason you refused to issue I chuckled so loudly the heavens marriage licenses to same-sex shook.) couples. Not to pull rank on you with From my perch, I witness the old parental “Because I say your refusal to issue any marriage so” dictum, here’s some facts for licenses as a way to deny same- you to consider: sex couples. There’s no way I can Denmark gave equal rights sugarcoat this, Ms. Davis: your to same-sex partners in 1989 (if argument is flawed. For one thing, not the right to marry per se), the in addition to the gay couples first country in the world to do you rebuffed, you trampled on so. Norway was second, in 1993; the rights of all the heterosexual Sweden followed in 1994; and couples who wished to wed— Greenland in 1996; the Netherlands most, no doubt, brother and sister in 1997, Catalonia in 1998, Christians like you. Invoking Belgium in 1999, and Germany in My name as the reason for your 2001. Holland’s Queen Beatrix actions didn’t keep you out of jail, signed the first same-sex marriage and now all of your deputy clerks bill on December 21, 2000. So, are issuing the licenses, anyway depending how you count, it’s (except, of course, for one, your been 26 years or 15 years and, son). although climate change has When that prospective gay significantly made the planet’s groom shouted at you, “By whose future more precarious, the sky is authority…” were you denying issuing the licenses and you still up there, fragile ozone layer and all. said, “God’s”—I woke up. (Once in a while I take a Sabbath I know you believe you’ve been fighting the good fight, on a weekday—it’s good to spice things up every now and Ms. Davis, but it’s time to face the music—to listen to the then.) I checked my inbox and Twitter feed and saw there was heavenly choir. When you said you were denying couples’ absolutely nothing from you—nada. (Note to Mr. Trump: I’m marriage licenses on My authority—without actually talking to taking a point of personal privilege here throwing in a little me—well, I had to intervene. Spanish.) When I heard you were using Me to justify your From inside your jail cell you probably weren’t able to hear actions, I have to admit the first words that came out of my the happy supporters of the gay couples outside the courthouse mouth were, “WTF!” (Some of the more prudish angels around when your deputy clerks began issuing licenses. I heard them, here shot me dirty looks.) though, loud and clear. They boiled this whole sorry affair down I have been following the gay marriage debate since, well, to two words—two words that guide all I do: “Love wins.” forever (actually, I’ve been following everything since forever.) I’d like to enlighten you about aspects of the debate as well my Let me know if you’d like to meet. thoughts on biblical David’s and Jonathan’s “friendship.” (I’ll My door’s always open. save that conversation for a later time.)

Fall 2015 19 What is Nonviolence Anyhow? By Tom H. Hastings

Non-Violence, a sculpture by Karl Fredrik Reutersward outside UN headquarters in New York City.

hat is it, this nonviolence? Who gets to define it? A kinder- nonviolent civil resistance. Nonviolent civil resistance can include garten teacher is nonviolent when she puts a vase of fresh strategic nonviolence but it can also include more ad hoc actions that W flowers on her desk and smiles at her little students, right? are not part of a strategy to achieve any named goal. This is not to A young man who publicly refuses to be drafted during an invasion say that a strategy cannot follow an inspired first action of nonvio- of another country is nonviolent, certainly. How about an old man lent resistance—there are certainly historical cases of that—but also who writes a letter to the editor arguing for peace on Earth? And thousands of examples of spontaneous one-offs. really, how about a rich man who makes money entirely by playing While some seem to modify pacifism into subsets of nonviolent the stock market from his home computer? That’s nonviolent, eh? positions—e.g., offensive pacifism, political pacifism, absolute paci- How about the police who pulls over the black motorist to check him fism, nuclear pacifism—it is most helpful to remember that pacifism out solely because he feels like it, and never pulls his gun nor does at its roots is about nonparticipation, a religious or philosophical he even touch the motorist, only detains decision to not directly participate in him for some questions and a computer some sort of violence. check? Hey, the cop might have been It may be helpful to shift from It may be helpful to shift from armed but he never used violence, so that attempting to narrow a definition of was nonviolent, right? Hmmm... attempting to narrow a definition of nonviolence and instead use nonviolent as What about a little girl who is grabbed nonviolence and instead use nonvi- a modifier for another noun, resistance. by the man and she kicks him in the olent as a modifier for another Nonviolent resistance begins to help us groin to escape? Certainly we can’t fault narrow the concept from a generally rosy that, and who is going to accuse her of noun, resistance. disposition to interfering directly with violence? For that matter, how about a violence and doing so by nonviolent nonviolent protester who is grabbed and means. Therefore nonviolent resistance smacked by the cops? Can’t that protester defend himself without would rule out committing or threatening to commit acts of violence, being called violent? even in self-defense or defense of others. Nonviolent resistance Perhaps our concept needs modification. There are several ways means something more and more specific and can take in some forms to do that. One, include a modifier—best way to modify, eh? So, for of pacifism, especially, either when that pacifism might involve example, religious nonviolence, or philosophical nonviolence, or breaking the law (such as refusing to comply with conscription laws) technical nonviolence, or strategic nonviolence, or structural nonvio- or when the acts of a pacifist coincide with an element of a stra- lence. All of these modifiers might need further explanation, but at tegic nonviolent resistance campaign, such as refusing to purchase least we are starting down the path toward meaningful definition. any product made or sold by a corporation involved in producing To agree to learn more about nonviolence, check out the Capaign weapons (e.g., the GE boycott that had us all purchasing other brands Nonviolence Pledge (see box). And read about strategic nonviolence of consumer goods until GE no longer produced nuclear weapons). at the ICNC (www.nonviolent-conflict.org) or Albert Einstein Insti- Perception is reality in many cases. Officer Friendly may have tution (www.aeinstein.org) websites. Strategic nonviolence is the a sidearm because it’s part of his uniform and is regarded as a tool sort that has—what? let’s see hands—a strategy. Yes. So if I am a of his profession. Only pacifists would object. But a SWAT team in pacifist and I sit in blockade of a military convoy one day by myself milspec gear, lined up with faceless shields and even balaclavas in in a fairly spontaneous act, that is not strategic nonviolence, it is padded Kevlar toting automatic weapons—that is a violent image

20 Voice Male that transmits a stench of unfeeling brutality to all who either are in Resources targeted populations or fear for the nonviolent victims of those mili- Books by Tom Hastings tarized regimented anonymous attackers. Similarly, a rural granddad Ecology of war & peace: Counting costs of conflict, Lanham, MD of any ethnic background with a gun rack may look violent only to (2000): University Press of America. a pacifist but is otherwise unremarkable, yet a Tea Party gathering First book to look at the sequence of environmental costs of preparing featuring scowling open carry white males, or a line of armed militant to wage war, waging war, resource conflict, and some elements of a African American community defenders, all look quite violent to a peace system. large number of us. Both are going to be widely judged to be engaged in a show of violence and would never be classified by many as Meek ain’t weak: Nonviolent power and people of color, Lanham, MD (2002): University Press of America. engaged in nonviolent resistance, even when no one fires a shot. Examination of the success of nonviolent power originating from Filters are helpful. Can the act of nonviolent resistance also communities of color around the world; debunking the idea that nonvio- achieve reconciliation? Arguably, the more it can do so, the more it lence has a European/white liberal genesis. approaches pure nonviolence. This can involve focus on universally highly valued victims (join us in protecting the children) or, as peace Nonviolent response to terrorism, Jefferson, NC (2004): McFarland. scholar Janjira Sombutpoonsiri finds, it may involve fraternization First book to survey the possibilities of a multipronged nonviolent or humor. response to acts of terror. Definitions are tricky. Thinking about them and seeking Power: Nonviolent transformation from the transpersonal to the consensus on their meanings in real life is helpful but complex. transnational, Lanham, MD (2005): Hamilton. Asking ourselves to think critically instead of ideologically is a tough Exploration of concepts of power with the thesis that power exists challenge, but in our pluralistic low-context culture it is a good step for good or ill, and in many forms. Includes some nonviolent training to take on the journey of common understanding. sections.

Tom H. Hastings, Ed.D., is co-coordinator of the Lessons of nonviolence: Theory and practice in a world of conflict, undergraduate program in Conflict Resolution at Jefferson, NC (2006): McFarland Press. Portland State University. He directs PeaceVoice Activist memoir with theoretical correlatives. Personal stories of some (peacevoice.org), a program of the Oregon Peace decades of nonviolent activism with observations about generalizable knowledge. Institute, and has written several books and many articles about nonviolence and other peace and A new era of nonviolence: The power of civil society over conflict topics. He is a former Plowshares resister war,Jefferson, NC (2014): McFarland Press. and a founding member of two Catholic Worker Examination of trends in peace research correlated with trends in communities. He currently lives in Whitefeather outbreak and causal factors of war, as well as application of likely Peace House. methods of strategic nonviolence to prevent or stop wars.

Campaign Nonviolence Pledge People throughout North America and beyond have taken the following Campaign Nonviolence Pledge: I solemnly pledge to take a stand against violence and to help build a culture of active nonviolence. I will strive to: • Practice nonviolence toward myself. • Practice nonviolence toward all others. • Practice nonviolence by joining the global movement to abolish war, end poverty, stop the destruction of the earth and foster a just and peaceful world for all.

To support the commitment those who pledge are encouraged to learn more about active nonviolence; join or form a local Campaign Nonviolence group; invite other individuals and organizations to join the campaign; promote the Campaign Nonviolence; take nonvio- lence training; attend or host a speaker or workshop and, finally, take public nonviolent actions. To learn more, go to: http://org.salsalabs. com/o/859/p/dia/action3/common/public/?action_KEY=1490&okay=True).

Fall 2015 21 Color Lines Why Black Males Need to Identify Racial-Sexism Against Them By T. Hasan Johnson

Dressed in suits, button-down shirts and bow ties while serving up plenty of bravado, 34 juniors and seniors from Illinois’ Central High School recently created a short video called “Suit & Tie in the 217” to combat the negative stereotypes they face regularly. acial-sexism against Black males takes place at every age. plined and expelled boys have sharply increased across the racial It’s institutional. Black male toddlers and boys often expe- spectrum. “New” learning disabilities have been associated with Rrience racial-sexism in school, where they are targeted as learning styles more common to boys. Of course, there are boys and Black males based on conduct, learning styles, and productivity. And girls more attuned to either learning style, since those styles are not although many of us are familiar with how Black kids are discrimi- limited to biology, but behaviors have overarching trends. Whether nated against, we often don’t think of it as sexism (especially against it’s nature—where our kids are born gendered—or nurture, where boys). Black girls and boys are both discriminated against, but rates they’re socialized in gendered ways (or both), it is usually well of common class verbal “punishments”—detention, sent to the embedded before school begins. However, Black males are dispro- principal, expulsions, even arrests, are inordinately highest among portionately punished for acting out their gendered socialization, Black males (I also consider graduation rates, alternative education meaning that these issues are extremely raced, classed, and gendered enrollment rates, and access to gifted programs as inverse forms of for Black male youth. “punishment” when low or high). One can even question whether there are gendered modes of learning that affect Black boys’ productivity in school. Since the landmark 1954 Supreme Court ruling in Brown vs Board of Educa- tion, alongside mass busing to integrate schools, Black children have been primarily educated by White women. Often, those teachers both fear and don’t understand the very Black children they are slated to teach. They also tend to prefer styles of learning that reflect how girls are socialized: be quiet, work quietly in groups, raise your hand before speaking, be nice, no touching, sit still, etc. Children who can code-switch and acculturate themselves to this style of learning are lauded as intelligent and tend to move up well. Boys, on the other hand, are notorious for tactile learning styles (consider contact sports and the military): work with your hands, be energetic, touch things, interact, move, make noise, compete, work in groups that compete, etc. Such styles are more consistent with how boys learn early to sacrifice for others, protect, and provide. In other words, such learning styles demonstrate the various ways boys are socialized. It’s not a stretch to suggest these styles have been all but criminalized by the school system. Rates of disci-

22 Voice Male For Black male toddlers and boys, state- Meanwhile, ’tween/teenage/young adult Black males are often ments from teachers might include: treated like potential thugs and rapists, while their adult counter- parts—whether blue-collar or middle-class—are often described as • “He misbehaves more than anyone “threatening” or “unsafe to be around,” often despite there being no else in the class.” evidence to confirm such accusations. • “He needs alternative, ‘special’ education” (despite good grades, participation, and good class performance).

• “I have to spend too much time disciplining him” (but he’s doing the same thing other kids do but who receive far less punishment).

• “He’s too disruptive” (but “other” kids who act out may be “gifted” and “just aren’t being challenged to their potential”).

At one point, my own son was punished for raising his hand and “over-participating,” despite never straying from the topic! [Note to parents: One solution to a situation like this is to volunteer to sit in class on a regular basis. Your presence as a Black parent can often somewhat offset such actions or, at the very least, provide you with ample evidence against arbitrary disciplining of your child.] CHART ON OUT OF SCHOOL SUSPENSIONS IN “REVEALING NEW TRUTHS”

The lengths of punishments for Black males tend to be much higher, as does the ongoing impact to their future of in-school punishment. While racial-sexism may not be studied at length in most professional statistics on social mistreatment, its rates are well known; one just needs to reflect on the disparities to see its impact on Black males. For adult Black males, incarceration is one of the best ways to perceive institutional racial-sexism, because the evidence is over- whelming that it’s gendered, not just racial. Approximately 65,000 Black females are incarcerated in America right now, and more than 950,000 Black males—straight and queer. Were the treatment of Black males purely racial, the rates for both groups would be the

CHART ON DISPARATE DISCIPLINE RATES IN “REVEALING NEW TRUTHS same. Gender is the primary outlier here. Why is this not considered ABOUT OUR NATION’S SCHOOL,” OFFICE FOR CIVIL RIGHTS: THE TRANSFORMED sexism on racial grounds? CIVIL RIGHTS DATA COLLECTION (CRDC) MARCH 12, 2012.. Lessons Learned Here’s a short list of Black male “dos” and “don’ts” that many Black males who grow up to be successful learn very early. In fact, one’s learning curve of just a few of the “rules” below may dictate one’s potential for success: Dos: • Smile and make people feel comfortable. • Make sure your voice isn’t too deep. • Whistle Vivaldi. • Dress in bright colors to not scare other people (dark colors associate you with criminality). • Look people in the eyes (but not for too long). • Always be accompanied by a woman (or child) so as not to intimidate anyone—especially when applying to rent apartments or houses.

Fall 2015 23 Don’ts: also because Black male treatment is so fraught with mistreatment, • Don’t be too verbally direct (make sure your verbal inflections underdevelopment, and outright abuse—from childhood to elder- are soft, and not too terse). ship. Many Black males have thus developed a sort of desensitized malaise. • Don’t look people in the eye too intensely. The other day, a good friend of mine visited our old graduate • Don’t be too imposing. school, and found himself surrounded by 10 police officers with • Don’t raise your voice. guns drawn, accusing him of robbery and theft. When I asked how • Don’t be passionate (or angry). he was, he was indifferent to the whole experience. In fact, I almost • Don’t challenge people’s statements unless ending your was myself. I mainly called out of friendly obligation, not out of impassioned anger. Earlier, when I noticed a young woman friend statement with a joke. in tears reading an article on the death of yet another young Black • Most important, don’t ever fail, especially people’s expec- woman at the hands of police officers, I was stupefied at her honest tations. Because although Black male failure has become an display of care. In many ways, even when I read about the deaths of institutional certainty as a by-product of our sociopolitical Black males—the Trayvon Martins, Tamir Rices, Michael Browns, underdevelopment, failure confirms people’s stereotypical fears and Eric Garners—I responded out of the pure injustice of it; still, passionate, righteous indignation is not quite as readily accessible that Black males are incapable of being dependable. as it was when I was much younger. And yes, I recognize many of us are desensitized for different reasons, for example: social media, According to a recent report from the American Association smartphone video footage, provocative TV programs and films. of University Professors (AAUP), there are approximately 47,651 For Black males, danger and lifelong negative repercussions Black male professors in Title IV universities, and 70,375 Black from others’ fear of them is a constant. The result is a form of females. There are 616,805 White female and 664,518 White PTSD. It was only in male professors. And the moment of seeing if current high school, my friend cry that I college, and graduate realized how far away I school graduation rates was from my emotional are any indication, sensitivity; I envied the rates of the Black her. I couldn’t find my male professoriate will tears, and the anger I continue to decline in feel is such a part of comparison to other me I no longer feel. It racial and gendered pervades every frown, d e m o g r a p h i c s i n every serious contem- the academy. These plation, and every declines, I believe, are outing away from my due to false accusations house—along with a of racial and gendered fear of death (but that’s threats, and assump- become even more tions of Black male nuanced than losing guilt. Few consider A rare positive image in media: young men from Urban Prep in Chicago. my overall emotional what a racial-sexist connection). assault on their char- Because of racial- acter those men are experiencing—a form of professional lynching. sexism, gendered-colorism, and desensitization, one can see that Black males need to address these issues forthrightly on legal Black males at any age can be underdeveloped by anyone from grounds, and demand better treatment. almost any demographic. The controlling images of Black males as “weaponized phalluses” from the 18th century to now still influence Gendered-Colorism? how they’re viewed, and feeds the fears of spoiled students. The Colorism plays a role here too. Colorism is a form of prejudice or degrees of Black male underdevelopment undermine and complicate discrimination in which human beings are treated differently based traditional notions of institutional male privilege and show how on the social meanings attached to skin color. Coined by Alice Walker many other types of oppressions apply to Black men we tradition- in her 1982 essay, “If the Present Looks Like the Past, What Does the ally ignore. Future Look Like?,” gendered-colorism refers to discrimination that intersects color and gender. Thus, assumptions about dark- Dr. T. Hasan Johnson is associate professor or light-skinned males/females often invoke ideas about varying in the Africana Studies program at Cali- levels of threat. Darker females are “meaner,” but lighter ones are fornia State University in Fresno. His smarter; darker males are more violent and hypermasculine, but research focuses on the intersections of lighter ones are more inherently rational. But don’t get it confused; Africana resistance with religiosity, sexu- despite the insulting (or complimentary) sounding tone of each ality, and patriarchy. He also aligns himself colorist, controlling narrative listed above, they each are forms with Afrofuturism and created the concept objectification interfering with people being seen as individuals. of Black Masculinism to highlight the need and value of progressive Black Mascu- Desensitization and Black Masculinity linities in the Black community. A version of this article first appeared at https:// Black males are oblivious to their treatment not just because newblackmasculinities.wordpress.com/the- we haven’t learned to associate racial-sexism with Black males, but new-black-masculinities-blog/.

24 Voice Male When Are Men’s Threats Threatening? By Rus Ervin Funk

he Supreme Court ruled in June that a man who used social Mr. Elonis expressed not-so-subtle misogyny in the patterns media to make explicit violent comments directed at his ex- of his posts. While he did express violence toward both men and Twife, coworkers, a neighborhood school—and the FBI—was women, his most specific, explicit and graphic posts were directed not “threatening” because he didn’t intend his comments to be at his ex-wife, a female coworker, and the female FBI agent who threatening. It is not my intention to argue with the Supreme Court questioned him. justices on matters of law. What I am interested in is the implications I do not support inhibiting freedom of speech and expression. I of this decision. am also not necessarily arguing that the Supreme Court was wrong Anthony D. Elonis had made a series of explicit and very violent in its decision. I am honoring the First Amendment by expressing posts on Facebook directed at his ex-wife, including how he would concern with the decision. Upholding the First Amendment though, like to murder her. In does not relieve us of a each post, he overtly corresponding respon- stated that he did not sibility—yes, we have intend his statements the right to speech and as threats, and was expression—a right I “only venting.” Over hold very dear. But we the course of several also have the respon- months, he included sibility of speech and violent posts against his expression. I can say coworkers, his boss and whatever I want to, and a neighborhood school. I am responsible for the When the FBI inves- harm that results from tigated, he responded what I say. I should be with a detailed post held accountable for describing the violence any harm I might cause he fantasized doing through my speech and toward the FBI agent. actions. As a result, he was Some will argue ultimately fired from that getting fired and his job and his wife having a protective asked for and received a order filed against him protective order against were examples of the him. The school, I ways Mr. Elonis was believe, also received held accountable for a court order barring the harms he caused him from their grounds. through the exercise of He was convicted of his freedom of speech. four counts of making I don’t minimize these threats, and sentenced to three years in prison. forms of accountability. However, part of accountability is also The Supreme Court overturned the lower courts’ conviction of being responsible for the harm caused. We have not heard from Mr. Elonis. At issue was the question of intentionality versus the Mr. Elonis’s ex-wife, his children, his coworker, or others in the “reasonable person” standard. There is an acknowledged tension community about the impact of his statements on their lives and in the law between a person’s intent to perpetrate harm, versus if a well-being. Being accountable includes carefully considering the “reasonable person” might find the behavior harmful or threatening. other person’s experiences when deciding what level of account- The lower court ruled on the side of the “reasonable person” stan- ability is warranted. This is a standard we use in our daily lives. If dard. The Supreme Court found that in most cases, the reasonable I unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings, it is my responsibility to person standard applies to civil law, while intentionality is given apologize and make amends roughly to the degree that their feelings more weight in criminal law, and thus overturned the conviction. were hurt. Based on the facts of Elonis v. United States as described, How do we distinguish when someone is venting from when the level of accountability Mr. Elonis faced was not commensurate they are threatening? Many of us have experienced someone doing with the harm he caused. or saying something genuinely threatening or harmful who claimed Finding the balance between intentionality and the impact of afterward, “I was just kidding.” Mr. Elonis’s behavior suggests that one’s behavior on others can be elusive. This Supreme Court deci- he did, in fact, intend to threaten and intimidate, strategically using sion does nothing to help us find that balance. his statements denying intention to cover his true intentions. His decisions to make these statements public, coupled with his delib- Rus Ervin Funk coordinates the Own It Initiative, erate attempts to ensure that the targets of his “venting” saw his rants, an effort of the Center for Women and Families suggest strongly that he was goading them. Most people sincerely of Louisville, Kentucky, to engage and empower “venting” don’t intend that the person they are venting about will men to stand up and speak out against gender- hear the vent. Most people who don’t intend to threaten someone based violence. To learn more, contact Rus at else don’t directly send them the “non-threat.” [email protected].

Fall 2015 25 Joe Ehrmann

Courageous Enough to Be Vulnerable

Conceived of by A CALL TO MEN to honor Joe Ehrmann’s decades of activism on behalf of boys and men, a Lifetime Achievement Award was presented to Ehrmann (center) in September by, from the left: Ted Bunch of A CALL TO MEN, Neil Irvin, Men Can Stop Rape, Tony Porter, A CALL TO MEN, Ulester Douglas, Men Stopping Violence, and Jeff O’Brien, Mentors in Violence Prevention. Missing: Alexia Gallagher, director, NFL Foundation; Michael Kimmel, Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities; and Jackson Katz, Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies.

When Joe Ehrmann, coach, pastor, activist, and retired NFL lineman, received a lifetime achievement award at a national conference on sports culture and domestic and sexual violence recently, he cried. Not a surprise for a man known for being coura- geous enough to be vulnerable, even in front of several hundred people. In the tributes on the next page from colleagues who have collaborated with Joe for decades—and in his own words (page 28)—it is easy to understand who this kindhearted soul is: a man who believes that expressing love and being of service to others are among the highest acts men can aspire to achieve in their lives, actions that celebrate their full humanity. Voice Male feels fortunate to have Joe’s clear voice and vision in our pages. —Rob Okun

oe Ehrmann has long believed that coaches are responsible and pain. Why? Because as long as boys are taught to value only for nurturing their players’ character—who they are on the stereotyped expressions of conventional masculinity—athletic Jinside, not just how they appear to others on the outside. performance, sexual conquest, and economic success—they will As part of his message, he challenges coaches to take moral be less likely to love and help others. Love and a commitment to responsibility for the roles they play in educating boys. “If helping others, Ehrmann says, are necessary not only for devel- sports were a religion, coaches would be the high priests,” he oping healthy manhood, but for building a world that’s fair to all said at the two-day sports culture and violence conference in of humanity. Charlotte, N.C., in September. Organized by A CALL TO MEN, The lifetime achievement award was presented to Ehrmann a national organization working to prevent men’s violence, the by conference organizers, A CALL TO MEN, along with Mentors gathering challenged participants to dig deeper in thinking about in Violence Prevention, Men Can Stop Rape, Men Stopping male behavior, including facing hard truths about male violence. Violence, and the National Football League. At the end of the Ehrmann’s warmth, compassion, and honesty shone like a bright first day of the gathering, representatives of those organizations light of hope and possibility throughout. took turns praising a tearful Ehrmann for his efforts to transform The way young boys are socialized—to be dominant and the culture of sports and to promote healthy masculinities. controlling—has negative, often violent, consequences for indi- Ehrmann believes that being a man is defined in two ways: viduals and for society, Ehrmann believes. The power of coaches, “One is our capacity to love and to be loved. Masculinity ought to he says, is their ability to transform their players, not just on the be defined in terms of relationships. Second, it ought to be defined field, but in their lives. Instead of shaming players for showing by commitment to a cause. Each of us has a responsibility to give weakness or not performing as well as the coach hoped, Ehrmann back, to make the world more fair, more just, more hospitable for says coaches should offer hugs and affirm their players’ sadness every human being.”

26 Voice Male Joe Ehrmann on the Two Kinds of Coaches “There are two kinds of coaches in America: transactional and transformational. Trans- actional coaches basically use young people for their own identity, their own validation, their own ends. It’s always about them... Transformational coaches understand the power, the platform, the position they have in the lives of young people, and use their station to change the arc of every young person’s life. Team sports are an ideal place to help boys become men. The great myth in America today is that sports builds character. That’s not true in a win-at-all-costs culture. Sports don’t build character unless the coach models it, nurtures it and teaches it.”

Praise from Colleagues Joe Ehrmann embodies what men can say and do to make a Joe is an exceptional contributor to our field, but it is his personal difference. I especially appreciate how he has effectively used his touch that has always stood out to me. Joe exemplifies inside-out microphone to speak truth to power—to challenge individual and leadership, and has the uncanny ability to make everyone he is with institutional practices that oppress women. feel special. He is a selfless man who lives a life for others better than Ulester Douglas anyone I know. It is an honor to know him and call him friend. Executive Director, Men Stopping Violence Jeff O’Brien Director, Mentors in Violence Prevention National I am inspired by Joe Ehrmann. I love that his humility and kindness are the foundations of his work serving others. Men Can Joe Ehrmann is a man among men. His strength, courage, leader- Stop Rape is honored to call him a friend and we thank him for all ship, and love have been an inspiration in our lives and in the work of he does to make the world a better place for everyone. A CALL TO MEN. He has been a leader in the work of developing young men of character for more than two decades. We agree with Neil Irvin Joe that the more we increase healthy, respectful, loving manhood Men Can Stop Rape the more we decrease violence against women and girls. On a personal note Joe has been a mentor for more than 15 years. We’re honored whenever we’re in his presence, and privileged to call him our friend. Tony Porter, Ted Bunch Cofounders, A CALL TO MEN

Joe Ehrmann exemplifies the old adage that true leadership is displayed both on and off the field—especially off the field. His hard-won wisdom and genuine humility are truly remarkable, and an enduring gift to us all. Jackson Katz Director, MVP Strategies

Joe Ehrmann is a gentle giant, a gladiator who returned from the wars to expose how our lifelong preparation for battle does such damage to boys, men, women, and society. His life’s work is as resonant, deep and sonorous as his masterful voice. I admire him enormously. Michael Kimmel Executive Director, Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities

Joe Ehrmann is “a man’s man.” Not in the traditional sense of the phrase often used to describe hegemonic, hypermasculine, cis men. Joe is manly in the most progressive, most positive, most powerful sense of the word. He is kind, loving, vulnerable, open, compassionate, self-reflective, and brutally honest about the constrictions placed on American masculinity. He’s made a choice to reject those constrictions in favor of becoming fully human. And by choosing to express the full range of humanity, Joe models inner confidence, and strength. Joe Ehrmann has redefined what it means to be a man. As men, we should aspire to do the same. Byron Hurt Filmmaker/Activist Director, Hazing: How Badly Do You Want In?

Fall 2015 27 The Three Scariest Words a Boy Will Ever Hear By Joe Ehrmann It’s rare that a man makes it through life without being told, at linity. Using other human beings to gratify one’s needs is not the least once, “Be a man.” To Joe Ehrmann, a former NFL defensive message we want to convey to our sons regarding our daughters. lineman, a pastor, and an activist-educator working on the transfor- The third lie imposed on our boys is that masculinity is defined mation of notions of manhood, those are among the most frightening by economic success; as if the measure of a man can come from a words a boy can hear. Ehrmann—who played with the Baltimore job title and a bank account balance rather than from the content of Colts for much of the 1970s and was a standout lineman at Syracuse a man’s character. The sad reality in America today is that too many University before that—confronted many models of masculinity in men associate their self-worth with their net worth. We are a society his life. But, as with many boys, his first instructor on manhood that confuses who people are with what they do and have. was his father, who was an amateur boxer. “I think his definition As an activist, I connect these three lies to every social problem [of manhood]—which was very we have: boys with guns, girls old in this country—was: ‘Men with babies, violence against don’t need. Men don’t want. Men girls and women, and immo- don’t touch. Men don’t feel. If rality in boardrooms. When you you’re going to be a man in this see advertisements directed at world, you better learn how to boys and men, these lies are dominate and control people naturally embedded in the and circumstances.’” Ehrmann message. Madison Avenue grew past those notions, as he understands that if it can make describes below. men feel insecure about their masculinity they can be led he three scariest and most to wear certain clothes, drive confusing words every certain cars, get certain kinds Tman hears at some point of women—all “possessions” in his lifetime are “Be a Man!” validating the cultural construct This cultural mandate carries of masculinity. behavioral demands that include Based on these three cultural no tears, no emotions, and avoiding—at all cost—acting like a lies about athleticism, sex and money, who are boys’ role models? “sissy” or a “mama’s boy.” (And remember, a role model is someone you model your behavior These three words—“Be a Man!”—teach boys that to have tender after.) It’s often the professional athlete. Why? Not because we teach emotions, to share them, show them and name them, are signs of young people to evaluate their character and how they use their fame, masculine failure. As a culture, we have a biased approach to raising but because professional athletes have ability and skill as defined boys, restricting them to a narrowly defined “boys must be boys” by the distorted concepts of masculinity I’ve described above. They mentality. In conditioning young boys to repress the full expression compete against the world and each other—and they win. They have of their humanity, they begin to separate their hearts from their heads, opportunities for sexual conquest and economic success. And their losing touch with their authentic selves, and become trapped in a goals are to be the best and to beat out the other guy! toxic culture of unhealthy masculinity. Our challenge is to foster a healthy masculinity that will help Throughout the course of their development, boys are fed at least guide every young man to understand the truth about what it means three fundamental lies about masculinity. The first lie boys learn by to “Be a Man.” We need to help boys become emotionally healthy the time they are three or four years old. They learn it on playgrounds, men while addressing the destructive cultural forces undermining ball fields, and during preschool and kindergarten recess. Boys are their capacity for well-being and wholeness. And, we need to help taught that their value and worth has something to do with their men discover their sense of personal responsibility to bring healing physical strength and athletic ability. Our culture tends to recognize and wholeness to wounded masculine souls that will restore the and reward masculinity according to size, strength, and a mentality connection of our heads, hearts and spirits. that encourages competition, winning, and dominance over other males. The boy who can hit the hanging curve or catch the down and out pass is elevated. Athletic “potential” allows others to see such Joe Ehrmann has been a speaker, author, activist, and coach for boys as having more masculine promise. Men who have grown up more than 35 years, and a player in the National Football League for attempting to define their masculinity by their athletic ability are 10 years. His book, InSideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform set up for tremendous failure and frustration in life. Where are boys Lives, explains how to become a transformational coach, changing hearing this fundamental truth: 1) masculinity has nothing to do with lives and society by helping to develop healthy men and women. athleticism, and 2) being good at sports seldom correlates with the He is also the subject of The New York Times best-selling book development of character traits that will help them to negotiate life Season of Life: A Football Star, a Boy, A Journey to Manhood. He is successfully? cofounder, with his wife, Paula, of Coach for America, an organiza- By the time they are in junior high boys are indoctrinated into tion reframing the social responsibility of sports and coaches. Joe is the second lie about masculinity: being a man seems to have a lot to also cofounder of ShiftWhy, working to redeem interscholastic sports do with sexual conquest. Young, developing boys receive the social from “winning-at-all-costs” to being education and character based. message that being a real man means objectifying and/or seducing A tireless activist working to prevent male violence toward women, girls to gratify their physical needs and/or to validate their mascu- he is featured in the new documentary film, The Mask You Live In. www. coachforamerica.com.

28 Voice Male World Leaders Pledge to Close Gender Gap

ome 80 world leaders progress so that all govern- made a commitment ments will hold themselves Son behalf of their and each other accountable governments to end discrim- for the pledges made here ination against women by today.” 2030 and announced they UN Women execu- would take concrete action tive director Phumzile to accelerate change in their Mlambo-Ngcuka, UN countries. The heads of under-secretary-general, state made their pledges at said, “The highest leaders an event convened at the in [their countries] are United Nations at the end of taking personal respon- September. sibility for their commit- Ironically, it was the ment to gender equality People’s Republic of China, and the empowerment of host of the historic 1995 women. Now the world Fourth World Conference looks up to them to lead” on Women, and UN Women, in taking action to ensure which cohosted the “Global the pledges become reality, Leaders’ Meeting on Gender she said. “Today we take Equality and Women’s Remarks delivered at the UN’s “Global Leaders’ Meeting on Gender Equality and Women’s the first firm steps towards Empowerment: A Commitment to Action” were made by a number of dignitaries, including, Empowerment: A Commit- from the left: UN Women Executive Director Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, UN Secretary-General 25 September 2030.” ment to Action.” Ban Ki-moon, and President of the People’s Republic of China Xi Jinping. German Chancellor Commitments covered Angela Merkel was a range of issues addressing the most pressing barriers for women, emphatic that women’s voices are needed to achieve peace, and to such as increasing investment in gender equality, reaching parity for further development, noting both were emphasized “at this year’s women at all levels of decision-making, eliminating discriminatory G7 Summit—our commitment [is] to women’s empowerment and legislation, and addressing social norms that perpetuate discrimina- initiative to provide vocational training and entrepreneurial opportu- tion and violence against women. nities for women in developing countries. ...In Germany ...we have China’s president Xi Jinping, leader of a country not known for expanded childcare and we finally have a law on women in leader- its egalitarian treatment of women, said at the opening of the event, ship positions. ...We all committed in 1995 to implement the Beijing “We still have a long way to go in achieving gender equality. ...The Platform for Action. Now we are making a new commitment… international community should reaffirm the spirit of the Beijing Commitments are good. Action is better. Conference with a renewed commitment Let us take action!” and pledge greater efforts to promote gender China said it’s pledging to While actions will vary, they are equality and women’s all-around develop- expected to align behind a common ment. ...China will do more to enhance support for women and girls message: sustainable development goals gender equality as its basic state policy, give in other developing countries cannot be achieved without gender play to women’s important role as ‘half of by providing health care, equality. If countries act immediately the sky’ and [will] support them in realizing vocational training, financing to translate the goals into action, and their own dreams and aspirations in both close many remaining gaps in imple- career and life. Chinese women, through for education and other menting the landmark 1995 Beijing Plat- their own development, will also play a assistance. form for Action, the world could reach greater part in the global women’s move- gender equality by 2030. All government ment and [will] make greater contributions commitments were posted throughout to gender equality in the world.” the course of the event at: http://beijing20.unwomen.org/en/step-it- To support women’s development worldwide—and the work up/commitments of UN Women—the Chinese leader announced his country will The heads of state and governments of Chile, Croatia, Iceland, contribute $10 million to implement the Beijing Declaration and Kenya and Mexico were cochairs of the event. (Denmark, Kenya and Platform for Action and to realize related goals beyond 2015’s Mexico had previously hosted three World Conferences on Women development agenda. President Xi also pledged China’s support for before the 1995 Beijing Conference). Besides government represen- women and girls in other developing countries, promising to provide tatives, participants at the UN gathering included gender equality health care, vocational training, financing for education and other assistance. champions from civil society, the business world and multilateral In his remarks, UN secretary-general Ban Ki-moon told the organizations. assembled world leaders: “As heads of state and governments you The Global Leaders’ meeting was the culmination of an 18- have the power and the responsibility to ensure that gender equality month long effort, spearheaded by UN Women, to review the status is—and remains—a national priority,” he said, urging government of implementation of the Beijing Platform for Action on its 20th an- heads first “to create and energetically implement coherent gender niversary. A record 167 countries undertook national reviews that equality policies. Second, provide significant financing for gender assessed progress and gaps as a basis for new national action plans equality so that commitments become reality. And third, monitor to accelerate achievement of women’s empowerment and gender equality. To learn more, go to: unwomen.org/stepitup.

Fall 2015 29 books

Gender Equality and New Notions of Masculinities

to undermine these negative influences professors, activists and organizers, and around the world. It’s broken into six parts freelance writers. As the book’s editor, based on different concerns: “Engaging Prof. Shira Tarrant, a member of Voice Men in Building Gender Equality,” Male’s national advisory board, comes at “Engaging Men in Ending Men’s Violence the different topics from the perspective Against Women,” “Health,” “Work and of an academic, but the book is meant Workplaces,” “Fathers and Fathering,” for people working in all fields. “Among and “Boys and Childcare.” Of particular many of my activists-educator friends and value are the global perspectives the book colleagues,” Tarrant writes in the introduc- offers. Engaging Men in Building Gender tion, “female ejaculation and pornography Equality should be of particular interest to is dinnertime conversation. But it’s easy anyone actively involved in gender justice to forget that talking about these topics is work, efforts transforming masculinities, not routine.” For this reason, the different and to organizations seeking out new contributions are meant as entryways to ideas in the ever-expanding movement for their respective topics. gender justice. Gender, Sex, and Politics brings together differing and often contrary view- points, but the intention is to promote constructive dialogue, not to elevate certain viewpoints above others. While topics such as pornography have been exhaus- tively examined by feminists, Tarrant is Engaging Men in Building always careful to include fresh perspec- Gender Equality tives, both for and against. Other topics are Edited by Michael Flood with Richard Howson more clearly being addressed for the new Cambridge Scholars Publishing, 2015 millennium. Essays by Soraya Chemaly 315 pages, £52.99 and Alexandra Tweten on the Internet as Engaging Men in Building Gender Equality a tool for sexual control are presented collects a variety of global perspectives alongside the writing of Jamie J. Hagen on on initiatives to engage men and boys in how the Internet brings together marginal- gender justice, with a particular interest ized communities in new and empowering in programming and policy around the ways. Gender, Sex, and Politics is ideal for world. It addresses wide-ranging but inter- anyone who wants to tune out the moral related concerns, such as violence, repro- panic and polemics of the mainstream ductive health, education, and parenting, news in favor of informed perspectives on narrowing in on more specific topics controversial topics. within each section, ranging from Maria Pallota-Chiarolli’s essay on male bisexu- Exploring Masculinities: ality to Abu Sufian’s piece on imple- Identity, Inequality, menting violence-prevention education for Continuity, and Change men and boys in Bangladesh, and more. Its Gender, Sex, and Politics: Edited by C.J. Pascoe & Tristan Bridges contributors include academics, activists, In the Streets and Oxford University Press, 2016 and organizers. Between the Sheets in the 448 pages, $49.95 In the opening chapter on the role 21st Century of men in both achieving and impeding Edited by Shira Tarrant This new anthology explores the emerging gender equality, editor Michael Flood, Routledge, 2015, academic field of masculinities studies with the goal of going beyond “hege- an internationally respected Australian 346 pages, $45.95 sociologist-activist, and an occasional monic masculinities.” Meant primarily contributor to Voice Male, writes, “While This collection of essays is split into five for students and scholars, but of interest to some forms of gender inequality have parts, each covering the relation between anyone working in gender-related fields, lessened, others have worsened under sex or gender and decidedly contemporary its contributors include a number of well- the influence of transnational neoliberal themes: “Gender, Sexuality, and Social known academics. It’s an excellent primer forces, aggressively patriarchal religious Control,” “Pornography,” “Sex and Social for those looking to understand how movements, and other dynamics.” Accord- Media,” “Dating, Desire, and the Politics masculinities studies fits in with current ingly, the book can be seen as a toolkit for of Hooking Up,” “Issues in Sexual Plea- trends in women’s and gender studies and individuals and organizations working sure and Safety.” The contributors include related fields.

30 Voice Male understanding of the interplay between laws, policies and institutional practices in achieving gender equality and the Poetry most effective pathways for sustainable change that take into account individual, community and structural factors. The evidence review aims to culti- vate stronger leadership for working with boys and men to promote gender equality, by gathering, interrelating, analyzing and strategically disseminating evidence and lessons in targeted and accessible formats for improved learning, policy and practice. The chapters cover the following themes: Exploring Masculinities is divided into four parts. The first part, “Histo- • Introduction: Framing the evidence ricizing Masculinities,” addresses the and shifting social norms historical question of how different ideas • Poverty, work and employment of masculinity come and go, with attention • Fatherhood, unpaid care and the to (debunking) so-called “crises of mascu- care economy linity.” The second part, “Multiplying • Education Masculinities,” is largely grounded in • Sexual health and rights • Health and wellbeing the work of masculinities studies pioneer • Sexual and gender-based violence Keeping Quiet Raewyn Connell, who contributes an • Conflict, security and peace- excerpt from her 2005 book, Masculini- building By Robert Bly ties. The third part, “Navigating Mascu- • Public and political participation linities,” moves beyond work that has been consciously described by its authors as Engendering Men is part of a two- “masculinities studies,” to look at various year project undertaken by the Institute A friend of mine says that marginalized masculine identities, such of Development Studies and the MenEn- as Latino boys and gay men. The fourth gage Alliance co-chairs Promundo-US every war and final part, “Dislocating Masculini- and Sonke Gender Justice, with funding Is some violence in childhood ties,” follows a similar trajectory, moving from the UK Department for International beyond the social sciences and avowed Development (DFID). The report can be coming closer. masculinities studies to gather pieces accessed on IDS’s new Engendering that theorize how various ideologies Men: Evidence on Routes to Gender Those whoppings in the shed uphold certain power relations and ideas Equality’ (EMERGE) library: http:// of masculinity. menandboys.ids.ac.uk/emerge. weren’t a joke. —Damon Hastings Also featured on the EMERGE On the whole, it didn’t turn website is a four-page preview of the Men and Boys in Social evidence report: http://menandboys.ids. out well. Change and Gender Equality ac.uk/sites/menandboys.ids.ac.uk/files/ emerge-evidence-summary.pdf. Designed to help answer the ques- This has been going on for tion, “What works best when it comes to engaging men and boys for gender thousands equality?,” a valuable new evidence review Of years! It doesn’t change. called Engendering Men: A Collaborative Review of Evidence on Men and Boys Something in Social Change and Gender Equality assesses trends and shifts in related social Happened to me, and I can’t norms and structures over the past 20 years; successful policies and programs tell and implications for best practices; and Anyone, so it will happen to future directions for promoting men’s and boys’ support for gender equality. The you. review was edited by Jerker Edström,

Alexa Hassink, Thea Shahrokh, and Erin Stern. “Keeping Quiet” by Robert Bly The goal is to move beyond a narrow from Talking into the Ear of a Donkey. individualistic programmatic focus and © W.W. Norton & Company, 2012. achieve a broader, more comprehensive

Fall 2015 31 Resources for Changing Men

A wide-ranging (but by no means Profeminist e-mail list National Fatherhood Initiative Black Sexual Abuse Survivors exhaustive) listing of organizations www.xyonline.net/misc/profem.html Organization improve the well-being A national online support system for engaged in profeminist men’s Homophobia and masculinities of children through the promotion of African-Americans work. Know of an organization responsible, engaged fatherhood among young men: www.xyonline. www.blacksurvivors.org/home.html that should be listed here? E- net/misc/homophobia.html www.fatherhood.org mail relevant information to us at MaleSurvivor [email protected]. National Latino Fatherhood & Family National organization overcoming For Men of Color Institute sexual victimization of boys and men For Young Men 100 Black Men of America, Inc. Addresses the needs of Latino com- www.malesurvivor.org Chapters around the U.S. working munities by focusing on positive La- Advocates for Youth on youth development and economic Helps young people make informed tino identity while addressing issues Men Thriving empowerment in the African Ameri- faced by Latino fathers, families, and A peer-resource offered to male and responsible decisions about can community their reproductive and sexual health communities survivors by male survivors. www.100blackmen.org www.advocatesforyouth.org www.nlffi.org www.menthriving.org/forum/ Concerned Black Men Men and Feminism Overcoming Amplify Your Voice A national organization providing A youth-driven community working for Guy’s Guide to Feminism Domestic Violence mentors and programs that fill the & Sexual Assault social change. www.amplifyyourvoice. void of positive black role models Website companion to a book org and provide opportunities for aca- by Michael Kimmel and Michael 1in4: The Men’s Program demic and career enrichment Kaufman which illustrates how Offers workshops that educate men supporting feminism enriches men’s in women’s recovery and lowers Boys to Men www.cbmnational.org Initiation weekends and follow-up lives men’s rape myth acceptance and mentoring for boys 12-17 to guide http://guysguidetofeminism.com/ self-reported likelihood of raping Institute on Domestic Violence in them on their journey to manhood www.oneinfourusa.org/themenspro- the African American Community www.boystomen.org Working to enhance society’s National Organization of Men gram.php understanding of and ability to end Against Sexism (NOMAS) The Brotherhood/Sister Sol violence in the African-American Pro-feminist, gay-affirmative, anti- A Call to Men Provides comprehensive, holistic community racist activist organization supporting Trainings and conferences on end- and long-term support and rites of positive changes for men ing violence against women www.idvaac.org passage programming to youth ages www.nomas.org www.acalltomen.org 8-22 National Compadres Network www.brotherhood-sistersol.org Reinforcing the positive involvement Men’s Health EMERGE of Latino males in their lives, fami- American Journal of Men’s Health Counseling and education to stop YCteen Magazine lies, communities, and society A peer-reviewed quarterly resource domestic violence; comprehensive A magazine written by New York batterers’ services www.nationalcompadresnetwork.com for information regarding men’s City teens that helps marginalized health and illness jmh.sagepub.com www.emergedv.com youth reach their full potential through For Fathers reading and writing www.ycteenmag. Malecare Futures Without Violence org Dad Man Working to end violence against Consulting, training, speaking about Volunteer men’s cancer support group and advocacy national women globally; programs for boys, On Masculinity fathers and father figures as a vital men and fathers - www.futureswith- family resource nonprofit organization providing resources in multiple languages outviolence.org American Men’s Studies www.thedadman.com Association malecare.org Advancing the critical study of men Gloucester Men Against Domestic Dads and Daughters and masculinities Men’s Health Network Abuse A blog of thoughts and reflections Gloucester, Mass. volunteer advo- www.mensstudies.org on father-daughter relationships by National organization promoting men’s health cacy group of men’s voices against Joe Kelly domestic abuse and sexual assault ManKind Project dadsanddaughters.blogspot.com www.menshealthnetwork.org New Warrior training weekends www.strongmendontbully.com www.mkp.org Fathers with Divorce and Custody Prostate Health Guide Offers a guide to the prostate and Healthy Dating Concerns various conditions that can affect Sexual Assault Prevention The Men’s Story Project Looking for a lawyer? Call your Resources for creating public men’s health www.canikissyou.com state bar association lawyer referral dialogue about masculinities through agency. www.prostatehealthguide.com local storytelling and arts Men Against Violence Useful websites include: www.mensstoryproject.org World Health Organization Yahoo email list www.dadsrights.org http://groups.yahoo.com/group/me- www.divorce.com HIV/AIDS Provides evidence-based, techni- nagainstviolence Menstuff: The National Men’s www.divorcecentral.com cal support for comprehensive and Resource www.collaborativealternatives.com National clearinghouse of informa- sustainable responses to HIV/AIDS Men Can Stop Rape www.collaborativedivorce.com tion and resources for men www.who.int/hiv/en/ Washington, D.C.-based national advo- www.menstuff.org cacy and training organization mobi- Fathers and Family Law: Myths lizing male youth to prevent violence & Facts Male Survivors of XY against women Debunking common myths regarding Sexual Assault www.mencanstoprape.org www.xyonline.net fathering and family law and provid- 1in6 Profeminist men’s web links (over ing facts directly from the research Provides resources for male sexual 500 links): Mending the Sacred Hoop www.xyonline.net/links. http://www.thelizlibrary.org/site-in- abuse survivors and their family shtml Works to end violence against dex/site-index-frame.html#soulhttp:// members, friends, and partners Native American women and to Profeminist men’s politics, frequently www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/017.htm 1in6.org strengthen the voice and vision of asked questions: www.xyonline. Native peoples net/misc/pffaq.html www.mshoop.com

32 Voice Male Resources for Changing Men

MenEngage Alliance Rape Abuse and Incest National Hear My Voice Males Advocating for Change An international alliance promoting Network (RAINN) Educates and engages young people – Worcester, MA boys’ and men’s support for gender A national anti-sexual assault organi- in the LGBTQ community to create Center with groups and services equality zation . www.rainn.org safe and healthy relationships, and supporting men and challenging www.menengage.org connect victims of dating abuse to men’s violence Sexual Violence Research Initiative help and legal services. http://www.malesadvocatingchange. Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe, Inc. Works to raise awareness of sexual hearmyvoice.breakthecycle.org org/ Statewide Massachusetts effort coor- violence and promotes research on dinating men’s anti-violence activities sexual violence as a public health Human Rights Campaign Men’s Resource Center for www.mijd.org issue. http://www.svri.org/about.htm Largest GLBT political group in the Change – Amherst, MA country www.hrc.org Pioneering men’s center spear- Men’s Nonviolence Project Stop Porn Culture heading creation of healthy men and Texas Council on Family Violence A group for those willing to question Interpride boys network in western Massachu- http://www.tcfv.org/education/mnp. and fight against pornography and porn Clearinghouse for information on setts and beyond html culture pride events worldwide www.mrcforchange.org stoppornculture.org/home/ www.interpride.net Men’s Resources International Men’s Resource Center of Phila- Providing training, coaching, and Students Active For Ending Rape National Resource Center on delphia technical assistance that promotes Organization dedicated to fighting LGBT Aging Workshops to help men address healthy, compassionate, responsible sexual violence and rape culture by Resource center aimed at improving anger management, domestic masculinity to men’s and women’s empowering student-led campaigns the quality of service and supports violence, and intimacy issues. organizations to reform college sexual assault offered to LGBT older adults http://www.themensresourcecenter. www.mensresourcesinternational.org policies www.lgbtagingcenter.org org www.safercampus.org Men Stopping Violence Oasis Magazine Men’s Resource Center of West Atlanta-based organization working V Day A writing community for queer and Michigan – West Michigan to end violence against women, Global movement to end violence questioning youth Consultations and training in helping focusing on stopping battering, and against women and girls, including www.oasisjournals.com/magazine men develop their full human- ending rape and incest V-men, ity, create respectful and loving www.menstoppingviolence.org male activists in the movement Parents and Friends of Lesbians relationships, and caring and safe www.vday.org and Gays communities Mentors in Violence Prevention Promotes the health and wellbeing www.menscenter.org Gender violence prevention educa- White Ribbon Campaign of LGBTQ persons and their parents, tion and training by Jackson Katz International men’s campaign friends, and families Portland Men’s Resource Center www.mvpnational.org decrying violence against women www.pflag.org Counseling for men, women, teens, www.whiteribbon.ca couples and families on domestic National Coalition Against Domes- Straight Spouse Network violence and anger management, tic Violence LGBTQIA Resources Provides personal, confidential and explorations of gender and Provides a coordinated community Ambiente Joven support and information to hetero- sexism. response to domestic violence An advocacy project and LGBTQ sexual spouses/partners, current or http://www.portlandmrc.com www.ncadv.org community for Spanish-speaking former, of GLBT individuals LGBTQ youth www.straightspouse.org/home.php Redwood Men’s Center – Santa National Resource Center on www.ambientejoven.org Rosa, CA Violence Against Women Survivor Project A mythopoetic gathering dedicated An online collection of searchable Beyond Masculinity A non-profit organization dedicated to filling the need for men to come materials and resources on domestic Collection of essays by queer men to addressing the needs of intersex together in community healing violence, sexual violence, and on gender and politics and trans* survivors of domestic and redwoodmen.org related issues http://beyondmasculinity.com sexual violence www.survivorpro- vawnet.org ject.org Saskatoon Men’s Center – Saska- COLAGE toon, Saskatchewan National Sexual Violence Re- National movement of people with Transgender Resources Pro-feminist, male-positive, gay-affir- source Center (NSVRC) one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, Dedicated to educating those unfa- mative center dedicated to offering A national information and resource transgender, or queer parent working miliar with or curious to learn more a safe environment where men hub relating to all aspects of sexual toward social justice through youth about the transgender community may explore their true natures and violence empowerment, leadership develop- www.glaad.org/transgender improve their health www.nsvrc.org ment, education, and advocacy www.saskatoonmenscenter.com www.colage.org Men’s Resource PreventConnect Centers Twin Cities Men’s Center – Minne- Uses online media to build commu- Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against apolis, MN nity among people engaged in efforts Defamation (GLAAD) Austin Men’s Center – Austin, TX Provides resources for men seeking to prevent sexual assault and rela- Works to combat homophobia and Provides counseling, psychotherapy, to grow in mind, body, and spirit and tionship violence discrimination in television, film, and classes helping men with their advocates for healthy family and http://preventconnect.org/ music and all media outlets lives, relationships, health, and community relationships www.glaad.org careers www.tcmc.org Promundo austinmenscenter.com Brazilian NGO seeking to promote GLBTQ Domestic Violence Project gender equality and end violence Resources for gay, lesbian, bisexual, Lake Champlain Men’s Resource against women, children, and youth transgender and queer men and Center – Burlington, VT www.promundo.org.br/en/ women who are survivors of sexual Center with groups and services or domestic violence through direct challenging men’s violence on both services, education, and advocacy. individual and societal levels http://www.glbtqdvp.org www.lcmrc.net

Fall 2015 33 POETRY

In the Cave of the Teenagers In the cave of the teenagers I retreat, closing one door after the next our sons screech and caw on the echo of tribal drums. in crow-harsh cadences I am curious how the hunter will fare, until I thrust my head inside but all these male bodies smell to beg for quiet: like the musky hole I found on our hill “What for?” they ask, when I was a girl of twelve: narrowing their eyes at me I probed deep inside with a long stick as if they’d just sighted prey. until a fox charged, snarling, into my startled face, I spy their father slouched between them, and vanished forever into the woods watching a movie with no women in it: behind a beautiful, blazing red tail. —Freya Manfred twelve natives chase a daring naked hunter

across the African desert, Freya Manfred’s eighth book of poetry is Speak, Mother (Red Dragonfly Press). “In the Cave of the Teenagers” appears in My Only Home, (Red while he outwits and kills them, one by one. Dragonfly Press) and her memoir Raising Twins: A True Life Adventure (Nodin Press). www.freyamanfredwriter.com.

34 Voice Male Subscribe to the magazine, get the book, or do both Purchase both the VM book $30 (includes shipping, $40, overseas) and a 4 issue Institutional Rate: subscription $28 4 issues - $40 for just $50 8 issues - $65 save more than 15% (8 issue sub = $45) Voice Male is a superb, groundbreaking publication offering a powerful way to en- gage men in working towards gender justice and to encourage younger men to learn new ways to become a man. Every individual and institution interested in gender equality and violence prevention should subscribe and spread the word!

—Judy Norsigian, coauthor and former executive director, Our Bodies, Ourselves

“Rob Okun’s brave book chronicles a movement of men standing with women in the struggle to end violence against women and reveals an emerging new man culture where men are reclaiming their tears and their hearts.” —Eve Ensler, playwright of The Vagina Monologues, founder of Vday

“A very worthwhile introduction to the profeminist movement among men. It will reward both casual readers and serious students of the subject.” —Library Journal

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Fall 2015 35 “Articulates a vision of manhood where developing boys’ emotional intelligence is paramount.” –Rob Okun | Editor, Voice Male Magazine

In The Bro Code and Generation M, filmmaker Thomas Keith examined how American culture bombards young men with sexist and misogynistic messages.

In his new film, The Empathy Gap, he looks more closely at the ways these messages short-circuit men’s ability to empathize with women, respect them as equals, and take feminism seriously.

Drawing chilling parallels between sexism and racism—and spelling out how each is rooted in cultural norms that discourage empathy—he shows how men who break with these norms live happier and healthier lives.

www.mediaed.org

36 Voice Male