SEEKINGARRANGMENT.COM:

A LOOK INTO SUGAR CULTURE

______

A University Thesis Presented to the Faculty

of

California State University, East Bay

______

In Partial Fulfillment

of the Requirements for the Degree

Master of Arts in Communications

______

By

Vanessa A. Rodriguez

December 2, 2016 SEEKINGARRANGEMENT.COM:

A LOOK INTO SUGAR CULTURE

By

Vanessa A. Rodriguez Abstract

Sugar Culture has become increasingly popular among girls in recent years. The research analyzes Sugar Culture, and Feminist Theory, focusing on issues of agency and power.

The website SeekingArrangement.com is a dating site for what is termed, “mutually beneficial relationships.” Arrangements typically include an older wealthy man and young college girl. In many instances, an arrangement of giving money for sex is made.

This ethnographic research focuses on interactions in Sugar Culture to help analyze initial messages received by the Sugar Baby, and an analysis of the website. The gatekeeper is a girl who participated in this phenomenon frequently, who I shadowed on three initial dates. Though some elements may look like prostitution, certain other elements were not consistent with the main definition of prostitution. Initially, I found the Sugar Daddies were looking for companionship, to be a mentor, and to guide their Sugar Babies on a path of success. This changed toward the end of my research. This thesis explores and reflects upon my experiences observing and interacting with a Sugar Baby. I, through the writing of a theoretically informed autoethnography, reflect on the space inscribed between the outset of the research and the result (Laerd Statistics, 2003) and thus on a young girl’s experience in this culture through a constructed, narrative-in becoming space, and the relationship between the Sugar Baby’s narratives and her knowledge of this phenomenon.

!1 Dedication

I dedicate this master’s thesis first and foremost to my family, especially my parents, Oscar and Marla Rodriguez. Their loving support has been my guiding force throughout life and I will be thankful forever for the words of wisdom, patience, and incredible drive. This thesis is also dedicated to my best friends Haley and Mo, for pushing me to keep going even on my toughest days. Thank you to my professors in my undergraduate years for teaching me how to stay focused and interested in the phenomena’s happening in the world because they will forever teach me how to navigate through life, and use them as an example to make me be the best person and scholar I can be. Last but not least, I dedicate this to my brother Zachary. Even though he’s three years younger, his drive has taught me what I can do if I really put my mind to it. Thank you all, I couldn’t have done it without you.

!2 Acknowledgements

I wish to thank my committee members, all of whom have been incredibly generous with their time throughout this process. I’d like to give a special thanks to the

Chair of the Graduate Committee, Dr. Grant Kien, for his patience and guidance, as well as consistent support and mentorship throughout this project. His excitement and willingness to provide feedback made this project enjoyable and an enlightening journey that I know I will never forget. I would also like to acknowledge and thank my school division for allowing me to conduct my research and providing me with invaluable assistance. Finally, I would like to thank Danuta Sawka for being the biggest help in making sure I have everything needed to graduate and putting me on the top of her long list of to-do’s when I needed immediate help. I definitely could not have done this without her. This journey has been a long, hard road, but with these people by my side, it made my experience a special one, one I will carry with me forever.

!3 Table of Contents

Abstract ...... 1 Dedication ...... 2 Acknowledgements ...... 3 Introduction ...... 1 Methodology ...... 12 Is it Prostitution? ...... 23 Literature Review ...... 26 Background of Online Dating ...... 26 Prostitution ...... 31 Deception in Online Self-Identities ...... 35 Marriage and Prostitution ...... 38 Online Personas and Offline Personas ...... 42 Real Relationships on the Net, Does It Happen? ...... 50 Strategic Success and Self-Presentation Success ...... 54 Review of Seeking Arrangement Website and Messages ...... 59 Messages, First Initial Dates, and Analysis ...... 63 First Initial Date ...... 69 Second Initial Date ...... 72 Third Initial Date ...... 76 Conclusion ...... 85 References ...... 94

!4 Introduction

SeekingArrangement.com, which was launched in 2006, has turned out to be a new phenomenon that has attracted older men and women as well as young men or women. Currently, the website has over 3.6 million users. It is a site that pairs Sugar

Babies seeking financial support with Sugar Mommies or Daddies (older wealthy women or men) who are seeking companionship. Such a relationship is regarded to be mutually beneficial to both parties and is known as ‘Sugar Culture’ or ‘Sugar Dating‘(Press &

Media, 2014). However, there lacks a general description for this type of relationship since critics such as Motz (2014) argue that sugar Culture is a euphemism used for prostitution. On the other hand, Motyl (2012) argue that such relationships involve both dating and prostitution. Cordero (2012) indicates that there are still questions relating to the nature of Sugar Dating, especially in relation to the feminist theory. Questions about process and motivation still remain unanswered such as; Why do men and women consider Sugar Dating? How is Sugar Dating characterized by men and women? How agency and power are practiced and exercised based on Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies’ experiences? The purpose of this study is to explore the Sugar Culture of

SeekingArrangement.com from different aspects.

We met at a party. She was holding a new Chanel purse. She was quite pretty, young, and well dressed. “When did you get that purse, it’s adorable! The young girl to her left gushed. “Oh, thanks! I just got it from my Sugardaddy. I met him on that

!1 site I told you about, SeekingArrangement.com,” the pretty girl said matter-of-factly.

Immediately my ears perked up. This was a story I had to hear. My main point of research in grad school is exactly this and I am not missing an opportunity. So, casually,

I turned around and said, “Oh, I’ve heard of this site, please tell me more, I’m researching this website for my thesis and would love to hear and use your experience as a point of reference.” The girl’s eyes widened and a huge smile came across her face.

“I’d love to help you! You can even shadow my first, initial dates, because I tend to rotate, don’t judge me,” she giggled. I laughed too, and said “well lucky you, I don’t judge!” We exchanged numbers and I was in business.

Later that Week:

We sat on the bed in our pajamas like two schoolgirls gossiping about boys. Except, we weren’t gossiping about boys. We were talking about men; older, rich men. I brushed a strand of hair out of my face, and looked at her with wide, interested eyes. The thought of never having to pay back my school loans beckoned me to understand this world she was living in. This world that, if you play your cards right, gives you wealth with only a few simple requirements. As she exposed all the secrets of her life as a Sugarbaby, I began to realize that everything I’ve been taught about morals, independence, and success, do not apply to this life she was living. I worked up the courage to ask her if she ever felt bad about herself after submerging herself in this alternate world; was there ever a moment, after her nightly arrangement was done, and she was driving home, that she thought

!2 about what she’d just done, and got a substantial amount of money placed in her Chanel handbag? Did she feel that morally what she’d just engaged in was wrong?

She looked at me with a half-smile, and replied, “No, never. Not only do I not have to worry about anything financial, or have a budget, or want something I know I can’t afford, I can devote a couple hours a week to a man who values my companionship, enjoys my jokes, and treats me like I’m worth something. You can’t get that with a boy my age. Yes, the men I meet are older, much older, and yes they do require the physical aspect of a standard relationship, but I want for nothing, I have everything. Who wouldn’t want to feel appreciated and valued? So no, my drive home is peaceful and content, knowing, I can live how I was meant to live. Society has done nothing to help me be successful. In any aspect of life, there is no such thing as a free lunch, and knowing this, I choose to grow, and experience a life in which I would never be able to experience as a normal, college student giving it up for free with a school baseball player who uses women like they were garbage ready to be thrown away for something newer. I don’t choose that life, it isn’t logical, and it gets me nowhere. I choose to go somewhere.”

I looked into her deep blue eyes, and realized this was a world that most people would condemn. Most people would look at this like a form of prostitution. She did not see it that way, as many girls just like her don’t see it that way. This was a world I needed to understand. This is a world that could change the way young people see themselves. Could it be these arrangements are just like a normal relationship between two consenting adults? Is it possible that today’s society is wrong about their notions of

!3 sugar relationships? Are these relationships comparable to marriages that are based around the same requirements of money, sex and companionship?

She looked at me and laughed, “I will open your eyes to a new world, and let you decide whether I should feel bad about myself, and help you understand why I truly don’t, and why many young women don’t. Don’t judge until you know, and soon enough, you will know.”

Communication and business worldwide, including the sex industry, has been greatly impacted by the Internet. The evolvement of Internet services has been facilitated by the arrival of the World Wide Web as well as its massive expansion. Today, the

Internet is used by sex workers for advertising their services. Online sex has evolved as well. Barraket and Henry (2008) argue that Sugar culture has become a new trend that involves an agreement between two parties where finances are exchanged for sexual relationships. In the past, people regarded it as prostitution since it involves men paying women for sex. However, many people today perceive Sugar Dating as a mutually beneficial arrangement (Barraket & Waring, 2008).

The forms and ways of communication, as well as interaction, have evolved with the continued adoption of technology in our society. The Internet has made the world smaller and people from different regions can easily interact and share information. The

Internet has changed how sexual fantasies are fulfilled as well as how intimate relationships are formed (Lawson & Leck, 2006; Wysocki & Childers, 2011). For instance, websites that sold sexual services and products in 1995 were more than 200 and

!4 by 1998, adult content that was marketed online made up 69% of Internet profit (Miller,

2012). According to Smith and Duggan (2013), Computer-Mediated Dating which is another term for online dating has changed how romantic relationships are formed. A study in 2013 by Pew Study revealed that 38% of single people who are actively searching for a partner had used an online dating website (Smith & Duggan, 2013).

Computer-Mediated Dating refers to those websites that allow members to create their dating profiles as well as go through profiles of other members to identify a potential partner they can converse with and eventually meet (Best & Delmege, 2012).

Current studies such as the research by Sevicokova and Daneback (2011) have established that most new users did not know what they actually wanted just when they joined a sex-seeking site. However, they are able to narrow their search when they understand the rules and language of the online community. In my research, I realized that have been little attention on the Sugar Dating online community by scholars. Sugar

Culture generally involves an older and wealthy person seeking an intimate arrangement with a younger person who is in need of financial assistance. This type of relationship is regarded as mutually beneficial companionship that involves pre-negotiated intimacy levels (Motyl, 2012).

According to Motyl (2012), the Internet has helped to categorize users’ personal needs, wants, and desires which facilitates the accommodation of smaller niches of the online dating industry. For instance, individuals who have big bodies and consider themselves beautiful find “The Big and Beautiful” dating website ideal for their needs

!5 while the “Ashley Madison” dating website is for people who are seeking relationships outside marriage. Other niche sites examples include “Geek 2 Geek,” “Arab Lounge,”

“Democrat Singles,” “Tattooed Singles,” “Christian Mingle,” and “Farmers Only” (Ali &

Wibowo, 2011). These niche websites allow users to find companionship or sexual relationships from individuals in certain category or various categories. Seeking

Arrangement (SA) is one of these niche websites which has gained significant attention from the public and the media.

This study investigates the current phenomenon of Sugar Culture, the mutually beneficial arrangements, on the SeekingArrangment website. Young college students trying to pay tuition fees constitute most of the Sugar Babies on this site. Troop (2013) noted that body commodification among these college students has been around for a while. However, advancement in medical technology, the culture of the Internet, and the advancement of market values on all aspects of life have created a conducive environment for individual students who struggle to meet the ever-increasing cost of college to exploit the value of their bodies (Troop, 2013).

Today, most students are faced with the challenge of outstanding loans which has increased overwhelmingly thereby forcing young college students to look for non- traditional alternatives of gaining financial support. Some of them have joined Sugar

Dating sites that aim to pair young individuals seeking financial assistance with older people who are wealthy for mutual benefit relationships through arrangements. A traditional relationship is distinct from an arrangement since Sugar Babies in an

!6 arrangement receive financial support from Sugar Daddies in exchange for sexual favors and companionship. Such arrangements have been criticized by the media to be another form of prostitution and Sugar Dating websites are regarded to have created platforms for online prostitution (Troop, 2013). This statement analyzes the liability of Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies under the Model Penal Code’s definition of prostitution. In addition, it elaborates on the potential liability of dating sites of the Sugar Daddy for facilitating prostitution based on the broad immunity offered to websites for user-content under

Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act (Motyl, 2012). This statement concludes that current criminal and civil laws cannot control prostitution conducted in the form of sugar arrangements since the law holds that online dating sites are responsible for restricting online prostitution (Motyl, 2012).

Motyl (2012) indicated that in 2011, students entered the job market with outstanding student loan debt of over $27,000. In addition, the unemployment rate of

American youth aged 20 to 24 years, is almost 15%. Due to this uncertainty in future employment upon graduation, young women are looking for alternative sources of income that are non-traditional (Motyl, 2012). Motyl (2012) indicated that undergraduate students who seek to pay their huge college loans so that they can graduate without debt have joined websites such as SeekingArrangement.com which link them with Sugar

Daddies willing to provide financial support in exchange for sex and companionship

(Motyl, 2012). SeekingArrangement.com has over three million users and includes ten different languages. Brandon Wade, the CEO of SeekingArrangement.com, revealed to

!7 CNN that the arrangement is not prostitution. He explained that sex will eventually be a part of a relationship when two people are dating regardless of whether a man has money or not (Lisa Ling, 2014). Brandon Wade stated that sex in an arrangement evolves in a similar manner as traditional relationship since the latter will eventually involve sex. The aim of my study is to examine the Sugar Culture and determine whether the

SeekingArrangement.com site is similar to prostitution or escort services and what are the factors that enable the site to continually offer its services.

We were walking down the street to Starbucks. Her hair was back in a ballet-style bun because she had just gotten out of Pilates. I think I should mention this Yoga/Pilates studio had three large rooms, hardwood floors, full mirrors, and an after-work out smoothie bar where the protein shakes are made while you’re in class and ready waiting for you when you’re done. So you wouldn’t be surprised to know, this studio costs around

$200 a month to be a member. That’s $200 a month for a recent college graduate with no job, bills to pay, and school loans to pay off. How is this possible? I squinted my eyes to avoid the bright rays of the sun, “How do you live such a luxurious life when you have school loans to pay off?” She looked at me with a baffled look on her face. “What school loans? Honey, I don’t have any school loans to pay off anymore. Listen, the

Sugardaddies I’ve been with, want to see me succeed. They stressed over making sure my loans were all paid off so I don’t graduate with all of this debt over my head with an entry-level paying job. Now that $70,000 bill that was looming over my head just seemed to have disappeared. I can live comfortably, and figure out now, what it is I’m going to

!8 do with my life. I figure I can be confused for a good few years more before I figure it all out completely. I see it as, right now, while I’m young and still attractive, I should use that to travel the world, be more cultured, enjoy the finer things in life, all for a simple night on the town where he can show me off, and make the older woman at the party envious and wishing they were 20 years younger, so they can pretty much do nothing but be pampered, worshipped and spoiled too. And luckily, I have many connections to lead me down the right road. Every girl’s dream right?”

In my head I realized, “yes, this is every girl’s dream. Actually, it’s every person’s dream.” I smiled, biting my lip to hide the interest and overwhelming amount of questions I wanted to bombard her with. I wondered if, like her, I could have connections with older men that provided so much security, in exchange for companionship, and physical interest. It’s a question I guess, I personally, will never be able to answer.

Today, more than 20 Sugar Daddy Dating sites allow young women to create profiles declaring the amount of cash they would like on a monthly basis in exchange for their company. On the surface, these sites seem to be different from escort sites in that the former are dating sites which seek to promote long-term relationships while the latter provides opportunities for hiring immediate companionship. Given that young women in

Sugar Daddy dating sites request financial assistance in return for companionship, it can be argued that these dating sites are combining the purposes of both escort and dating sites. Even though women may traditionally seek relationships that will offer them

!9 financial security, the lure of students with debt to Sugar Daddy dating sites appears to break down this financial security ideology to its fundamentals which is the exchange of sex for cash (Motyl, 2012).

I watched her hair as it flew wildly in her little beamer with the windows down.

“You see,” she said, Seeking Arrangement wasn’t the first and only site I’ve been on.

There’s sugardaddy.com, there’s Ashley Madison where every guy is married and looking for a booty call. It can be very overwhelming once you start getting into the sugar culture scene.” I was eager to hear about the differences of these sites, I had been wondering, how someone is supposed to know which site is the best one for them.

“Explain to me the differences from your experience; I’ve been very curious to know.”

“Okay, 2 years ago, I heard about sugar culture. An older girlfriend of mine one day was sporting a new pair of Cartier sunglasses, which, if you don’t know, are over twelve- hundred dollars a pair. I asked her how she got them, and she told me about suggardaddy.com. I made her explain this to me, and when she was done, at that very moment, knew my life was going to change dramatically. She told me that it was free to make a profile, and to pick a picture that was sexy, but classy and cute at the same time.

You don’t know how many selfies I had to take to get that perfect, pouted lip look, let me tell you.” She laughed, and brushed her hair out of her face. “Once you’ve completed the profile, you activate it, and before you know it, you get a rush, I mean hundreds of potential Sugardaddies waiting to shower you with expensive gifts, and financial security.

Then the rest was history. I was pretty active on sugardaddy.com. I soon realized

!10 though, one in three men were lying about their income and worth. They were looking for a booty call. You really feel like a prostitute after dealing with a few deceptive free- loaders. You see, on Sugardaddy.com, it’s free for Sugardaddies to create a profile whereas on SeekingArrangement.com, they have to pay. They also, have to have a verified background and income check. This is to prove they are who they say they are. I like this because it weeds out all the liars, and broke people. Yes, you get fewer messages, but not by much. It’s almost like qualifying before you prospect. Another difference is the Sugardaddies don’t have to show their pictures initially. They can lock them, and be viewed only if they give a Sugarbaby access. This helps keeps their presence on the site a little more concealed.” However, the Sugarbaby has no choice but to post their pictures without hiding them, otherwise, how will a prospective Sugar daddy pick you out of the rest?” I realized there are rules to these sites, there was a code of conduct, there were ways to get more views, and potential dates. “Finally, Ashley

Madison is not my cup of tea. It’s a bunch of older married men looking for a quick affair, living all their fantasies, for free. I don’t agree with that. If you’re going to give it out anyway, why give it out for free? Makes no sense.” We parked at the waffle house, and she looked over at me and gave a sly smile, “Ready for the best breakfast you’ve ever had?” Indeed I was.

Despite the alternative argument, many people view this type of relationship as prostitution. Motyl (2012) noted that critics argue that it may be illegal for Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies to join Sugar Daddy Dating sites with the intention of exchanging sex

!11 for money. However, courts have ruled that sexual activities cannot be necessarily categorized as prostitution when dinner, companionship, or even house cleaning accompanies sex (Motyl, 2012). In addition, Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies in arrangements may come to love each other and have traditional relationships. Also, an inquiry into individual sugar relationships to establish whether users of a Sugar Daddy dating site are engaging in illegal activity is not possible which makes it difficult to hold such sites responsible for the actions of the users (Motyl, 2012).

This current study is significant for other researchers since it explores today’s culture and analyzes the way young women make decisions about joining Sugar Dating sites for financial gain.

Methodology

Lindlof (2011) argued that feminist and critical research supports the recognition of politics responsible for shaping one's identity and one's relation to those politics.

Researchers must indulge in deep self-reflection and be accountable for the culture and history that affected their perceptions so that they do not become self-serving in their values and beliefs (Lindlof, 2011). Since critical research’s aim is to reveal the ideologies that are dominant in western culture, critical researchers know these ideologies lack absolute truth. In social life, there lies a field of competing narratives concerning what is true, not bad, and possible (Lindlof, 2011).

Qualitative research is mainly used in studies that require a deep understanding of social reality in a particular context (Lindlof, 2011). A deep understanding of social

!12 reality in a particular context is provided by qualitative interviews. According to Lindlof

(2011), these interviews help to create a social process between the interviewee and the interviewer. Scholars describe qualitative research as a method of research that helps researchers to identify what is important to the subjects being studied as well as gather information on the topic under study (Rubin & Rubin, 1995). Data collected via interviews help in providing in-depth information that neither the interviewer nor interviewee could have produced alone.

I used the Autoethnography method to research and write this thesis.

Autoethnography aims at describing and systematically analyzing personal experiences systematically to provide an understanding of the cultural experience. Canonical ways of conducting research are challenged by Autoethnography. The approach views research as an act that is socially just, socially conscious, as well as political (Ellis, Adams, &

Bochner, 2010).

Ellis et al. (2010) argue that there are many new chances to reestablish social science and reintroduce the forms and objectives social science introduced by the “crisis of confidence” in the 1980s. It was inspired by postmodernism. Scholars have increasingly been troubled by epistemological, ontological, and axiological limitations of social science (Ellis et al., 2010). Specifically, scholars started illustrating how the truths and facts found by scientists were inextricably based on the paradigms and vocabularies that the scientists used to represent (Ellis et al., 2010). Scientists realized there was no desire for universal narratives. They clearly understood new relationships between

!13 audiences, texts, and authors (Ellis et al., 2010). Scholars realized stories that educated ethics and morals, which introduced certain ways of feeling and making decisions and assisted people to make sense of others and themselves, were constitutive, complex, and meaningful phenomenas (Ellis et al., 2010).

Ellis et al. (2010) indicated that the autoethnography method is one of the techniques that accept and accommodate emotionality, subjectivity, and the influence of the researcher on the research rather than assuming that these aspects do not exist. In addition, scholars started acknowledging that different people do not have similar assumptions concerning the world (multitude ways of writing, speaking, believing and valuing) and that traditional ways of thinking and conducting studies were limiting, parochial, and narrow (Ellis et al., 2010).

A major part of this this study is centered on personal feelings, opinions, emotions, and internal conflicts that were expressed by the Sugar Baby. This is the reason why an autoethnography was regarded as the most appropriate method to conduct my research accurately and effectively. Unstructured interviews were used in this research.

Questions in unstructured interviews are normally open-ended and researchers have minimal control over the responses of the participants. According to Cohen and Manion

(2000) and Fontana and Frey (1994), detailed ethnographic interviews are basically unstructured interviews and include creative interviews, oral history, and postmodern interviews. An interviewer who uses unstructured interviews builds rapport with the

!14 interviewee. Interviewees express their views and opinion openly during an unstructured interview (Cohen & Manion, 2000).

Additionally, the interpretive position was used in my research. According to

Long (2008), the perception of interpretive position on the social world involves the use of group interactions constantly. Therefore, the perceptions of social actors which are entangled in activities that are meaning-making help one to understand the social reality

(Long, 2008). Even though this thesis is more of a positivist paradigm, I saw it important to comprehend Sugar Culture’s social characteristics and associate it with concept as well as social observations to create an overall actuality. I decided to use creative interviews in my research. Creative interviewing entails looking for unusual techniques for collecting spoken information from the respondents. These techniques of interviewing are unusual since they do not follow any rules of interviewing thereby enabling researchers to get used to the circumstances of the interview. However, a creative interview may be time- consuming since it involves numerous meetings that might take several days to finish

(Cohen & Manion, 2000). Prior to the interviews, I thought of a topic that guided the unstructured interviews. This allowed me to stay on the topic and get the responses needed during every meeting.

There are various reasons why researchers consider the use of unstructured interviews in research. Specifically, the referential purpose of unstructured interviews guides the researcher in analyzing different perspectives and pinpointing situations and places that will give insights into certain aspects. To gather true and dependable

!15 information, a researcher ought to recall the way a participant replies to a certain event based on his/her inherent biases (Cordero, 2012).

It is important to know the Sugar Baby on deeper and numerous levels. The Sugar

Baby’s past, experiences, and perspectives validated and verified her information as well as enabled the collection of other details that possibly would not have been accumulated in a formal interview. In my research, the Sugar Baby was interviewed 16 times over a period of eight months. The main goal of the multiple sessions was to recognize what social concepts influenced specific opinions and engagements and to gain an understanding of the reasons individuals allocate to their agency (Lindlof, 2011). The interviews were performed with the knowledge that people use discourse in generating their individualities and making reason of the communal arrangement they are in

(Lindlof, 2011).

Discourse denotes the means through which narratives are patterned both in public and private conversation according to the current schemes of power while they function over cultural aspects including gender, socioeconomic positions or race (Lindlof,

2011). Therefore, discourses and words used by people when talking are significant and appropriate since they describe how an individual is ingrained in cultural and historical settings (Cordero, 2012).

I used many different settings when interviewing the Sugar Baby, with 10 of them being in public spaces. This helped to make the process natural so that the Sugar Baby could give true and profound opinions on each topic discussed. The outlined objectives

!16 for each interview helped me to understand the major aspects of the Sugar Culture even if the conversation was casual. The objectives also helped me observe the subject’s experience. Also, I collected data by going through 500 messages retrieved from the

Sugar Baby’s SeekingArrangement.com profile. My aim was to identify general patterns, language used, ethnic background, marriage status, and net worth. Additional information on profile categories such as age, sex, education, and occupation was scrutinized as well. The groupings were associated with feminist philosophy and agency.

Sugar Baby’s prime interest messages were those associated with her personal requirements in terms of ethnicity, salary, as well as age. Also, I scrutinized personal bio section since I saw that considerable information concerning the Sugar Daddies’ personalities was present in their personal summary. The Sugar Daddies who required the

Sugar Baby to be exclusively powerless as well as submissive when linking with them were excluded in the Sugar Baby’s ultimate choice.

The reason for perusing these messages was to filter a list of Sugar Daddies and identify three new potential mates that the Sugar Baby could encounter and agree about the terms that helped the relationship to be mutually favorable. I was able to add another category to my chart after filtering the list down to 10 Sugar Daddies. The new category consisted of how the arrangements began and developed. As I identified additional patterns, I reflected how the groupings were interconnected on a structural and organized level in the current culture. Also, I examined how specific phrases or words interrelated with each other and made new groups that embodied Sugar Dating connection and

!17 interactions amongst these new clusters and the prevailing social phenomena. This process was time-consuming. However, after some time of studying and classifying the diverse profiles of the Sugar Daddies, the Sugar Baby aligned them with her likenesses.

She was then set to communicate with the Sugar Daddies and begin a dialogue.

Thereafter, she could choose who to go on a date with.

Lastly, observational participation was the most significant feature of this study. I followed the Sugar Baby to diverse open places and ensured the Sugar Daddies were not aware I was witnessing their dates. The position of the Sugar Baby was in close proximity from where I sat in order to make observations when the Sugar Daddy joined her up to the point he left. I could not let my identity and presence be known since it could compromise the natural phenomena of the meeting. From a feminist perception, I was able to identify how the conversation began, the basis of the arrangement, and the non-verbal and verbal language used during the meeting. Thereafter, I was able to gather information on the entire meeting in terms of the process, actual behavior, and the rules of the Sugar Dating.

With regard to the Laerd Statistics’ Principles concerning Research Codes, there are numerous ethical values to be considered when conducting research that includes human participants. Laerd Statistics explained that these values include non-maleficence

(need to do no harm) and beneficence (do good). In practice, the researcher should consider these ethical principles by obtaining informed consent from the participants, ensure confidentiality of participants’ information, reduce harmful implications on

!18 participants, evade using misleading practices, and allow participants to withdraw upon request (Laerd Statistics, 2003). However, the study I researched was covert since I failed to observe principle number 4 that entail research’s honesty, principle number 2 that entails obtaining informed consent, or principle number 5 that entails the freedom to withdraw from the study upon request (Laerd Statistics, 2003). Suppose I had informed the Sugar Daddies of my presence and identity, I might have collected data different from which I did by not informing them about my observation. This would have likely compromised the validity of the data collected. In addition, it would have interrupted the natural flow of the engagement process. Every location used to conduct the meeting was public hence the sugar daddies could hardly identify my identity since anyone could have listened to the conversation of the meeting. This was the reason why I decided to conduct my research in public locations.

I tape recorded the Sugar Baby’s unstructured interviews with her direct verbal consent. However, I erased all the recorded data after transcription. Also, I took safety measures to reduce the risk of harm by making sure the personalities of the Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddies remained private and confidential. I used observational participation and made mental notes rather than tape/video recording to gather data on the meetings between the Sugar Baby and the Sugar Daddies. I did not use their actual names or disclose any details that would have exposed their identity.

The aim of this study was not to discuss the personalities of the Sugar Daddies, rather it focused on exposing the process of linking and creating an arrangement and the

!19 Sugar Daddies’ necessities revealed during the negotiation process. As such, information on Sugar Daddy’s personal lives was not gathered. Measures that were observed to ensure confidentiality included keeping all the details gathered in a personal computer that was secured with a password and in an encrypted project folder.

Background of the Study

SeekingArrangement.com was created and is owned by Brandon Wey. In the public forum, he is known as Brandon Wade. Mr. Wade stated in an interview that he noticed on Craigslist that there was an unusual demand for online dating in 2000. He developed an interest since Craigslist was not created for facilitating online dating. Wade observed how people on Craigslist could openly ask for sex although the main objective of the website was to be like the online version of local classifieds. In addition, most newspapers did not overt sex solicitation. He also noticed most people that were overworked to find adequate time for physical interactions that could lead to companionship. Therefore, he realized that people wanted connections that could be created quickly. However, he noted that even though an online platform could create quick connections that individuals required, people could easily provide false information online for various reasons.

Wade firmly believes that individuals need to be honest about their desires and needs since it provides the basis of understanding each other rather than providing false reasons for being attracted to someone or false intentions for being online. Brandon

Wade, as an MIT graduate, states beautiful women frequently overlooked him because of

!20 his lack of social skills. He desired to be the type of a man that beautiful women adored and with time, he was able to come up with a way of standing out on 19 dating sites when compared to other men in such sites by the use of his money. This was the notion that led him to create SeekingArrangement.com. An arrangement on SeekingArrangement.com is created with participants being honest concerning what they need and want in the relationship as well as what they seek to offer in return. Members of the Seeking

Arrangement.com have diverse desires of what they want and are willing ranging from companionship to sex, from outings and dinners to expensive gifts and trip, friendship or mentorship among others. The result of this relationship may be short-term or long term

(Wade, 2012).

Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies’ average age is 45 years while that of Sugar

Babies is 26 years. Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies are charged a monthly fee of $60 to have access to the website. However, Sugar Babies are not charged and those with college email addresses that are verifiable gain instant access as premium members.

Sugar Babies with premium membership are allowed to search for Sugar Daddies profiles with parameters that are further refined. Sugar Mommies or Sugar Daddies can obtain a

Seeking Arrangement profile with unrecognizable credit history by paying an additional

$5 per month, unlike Sugar Babies who do not have such an option. Sugar Daddies or

Sugar Mommies net worth is verified by their tax return data to ensure they are financially stable (Cordero, 2012). In addition, Sugar Daddies or Sugar Mommies need to

!21 pay $49.95 and $1,200 a month to become a Diamond Member or Premium Member respectively and get authorization.

“Okay,” I started, what about physical attraction? Does it matter what these

Sugar Daddies look like or does being physically attracted to the person even matter?”

“That’s a good question,” she said seriously. “Here’s how I see it. Look at Donald

Trump for instance. He’s not a good looking man. He has a crazy hair-do that resembles the guy in that movie American Hustle, his fake spray tan is orange leaving two raccoon- looking eyes with the white rings like he was wearing goggles in the sun. He’s not in great shape, and talks about women like they were garbage. Now look at the women he’s been with. Look at his Miss Universe pageant contender he has as a wife. Trump’s probably at the least attractive stage in his life, and he bagged this beautiful, exotic beauty queen. I bet you can guess why. He’s rich. Somehow, that makes the whole idea of being with an unattractive guy, less bothersome. In the eyes of a woman who wants his lifestyle, he somehow turns less appalling, and more intriguing. With money comes power, and power is attractive. That’s how it works. It’s not a new concept. Looks, in the scheme of things, eventually fade; even a beauty queen gets old. So it’s easier to understand knowing that, you have to set yourself up early, for the lifestyle you wish to have. Because once your looks are gone, it makes it harder to get this opportunity if not impossible. I am not trying to be in a long-term relationship with these men, but if their profile reveals he’s worth ten-million or more, and he enjoys your presence, then looks don’t really matter. Young girls make that mistake more often than not. They choose the

!22 guys who were at one point really attractive, but won’t treat them like they’re worth something, or make them feel like they are lucky to have them. Whereas, you date an older man whose looks have faded, or were never there to begin with, but he values you.

He treats you with respect, and thinks he’s the lucky one. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, sugar relationships help raise any girl’s self-esteem and self-worth, so that when the relationship has fizzled, the girl now knows how she should be treated, and what’s really more important when picking a suitable match. Now that I’ve experienced what

I’ve experienced and learned, I will never go out with a guy based on his looks.

Somehow, the physical attraction comes because of different things. Most girls don’t see this early on and get screwed, literally and metaphorically. I will never be that girl again.” I looked at her as if she knew the secrets to a happy life that takes many people years of pain and discouragement to realize. This is something I wish I had learned early on. This information would’ve saved me much heartache. That’s for sure.

Is it Prostitution?

Generally, Sugar Dating websites are significantly different from escorting websites in that the former is viewed to be promoting long-term relationships while the latter is for immediate companionship. According to Motyl (2012), there exists varieties plus complexities in the arrangements. Motyl argues that arrangements websites have traits of both dating as well as escort websites. The author stated that Sugar Babies, college students in particular, view themselves as problem-solvers who seek financial assistance to cover up for their tuition fees rather than sex workers (Motyl, 2012).

!23 Further, a Motyl (2012) states that claims by critics that prostitution is similar to arrangements are not accurate since their broad interpretation does not consider the different arrangements types within the Sugar Culture (Motyl, 2012).

Black, Nolan, and Connolly (1979) notes that prostitution is defined by Black’s

Law Dictionary (1979) as an act of agreeing to engage or perform or offer sexual acts with an individual for a fee paid by the individual or arranged by a different person.

Business is a term that widely describes actions that one engages in to gain a living although it is arguably a nebulous term (Miller, 2012). According to the Model Penal

Code (MPC), prostitution is the act of conducting sexual activities for business purposes.

In this case, the term business provides a perspective that prostitution laws focus on penalizing solely money-making sexual deeds. Cordero (2012) states that such sexual activities are considered as interactions between two or more individuals which involves the exchange of items of value, services or goods for the purpose of income generation and are governed by law.

According to Motyl (2012), Sugar Culture involves three groupings that are significant to this debate since they offer details regarding the features of this kind of relationships. In the first category, the arrangements are solely based on compensation for the visits. The money to be paid directly relates to the time spent in this category. In the second category, arrangements involve long-term companionship of high levels accompanied by money and sex. The arrangements in the third category are long-term but with little companionship. However, they include a consistent exchange of money for

!24 sex. Arrangements in the third category may feature a monthly allowance or maybe paid- per-visit for an extended period of time (Moytl, 2012). However, Motyl (2012) states that the arrangements in the third category are usually difficult to identify and generalize since they are a combination of arrangements in the first and second categories. In this category, there ought to be some sort of outing or dinner that may complicate the arrangements to establish social companionship. Therefore, Motyl concludes that Sugar

Dating arrangements cannot be categorized as prostitution by courts in the US since the third type of arrangement involves sex for money with no social companionship (Motyl,

2012). However, other elements such as companionship or dinner accompany the arrangements (Motyl, 2012).

According to Wexler (2013), the business of prostitution is considered to be linear and lack emotions. On the other hand, an arrangement is more complex. According to

Holts and Belvin (2007), girlfriend experience is one in which sex is not the only element in the arrangement, and both the sex worker and the customer provide emotional intimacy and sexual pleasure for one another. According to Holts and Belvin (2007), sex is not the only element in a girlfriend relationship since both parties offer emotional intimacy.

According to Huff (2011), this type of relationship involves sexual love, companionship, and social aspect. Most arrangements are similar to such relationships but with financial motivation (Wexler, 2013). This Sugar Dating understanding where participants negotiate arrangements is significant to explore through a feminist perception to gain knowledge of where agency stands in these arrangements.

!25 Literature Review

This study explores the concept of Sugar Culture and Sugar Dating with a focus on the debate as to whether the participants on dating sites are engaging in just another form of prostitution. I investigated the history and background of dating online with an emphasis on SeekingArrangement.com. Also, I investigated the rationale of young women and older men who use such dating websites. Also, I explored the meaning of prostitution, marriage, offline and online personalities, and real relationships existing online.

Background of Online Dating

There have been frequent claims by online dating websites that they have changed and improved the process of dating. The article by Finkel et al. (2012) introduced psychological science to explore the difference between online dating and offline dating, and whether the online version is better in terms of romance. The authors established that both the compatibility matching process and the romantic acquaintance process have been changed by online dating (Finkel et al., 2012). The authors noted that there is a difference between these two types of dating. They stated that offline dating involves meet-ups with likely mates, interaction observations by these potential partners, and then gradually identification of numerous traits. Conversely, online dating involves the identification of numerous traits before physical meet-ups. Therefore, online dating relies on an algorithm used to find a match rather than depending on insights of friends and members of the family (Finkel et al., 2012).

!26 According to Finkle et al. (2012), people seeking romantic relationships know it can be challenging to find an appropriate partner. Therefore, getting some help in finding a partner is useful. Finkle et al. (2012) argue the ideology of marriage resembles the objectives of online dating. Coontz (2005) argues that arranged marriages resemble online dating since there is the intervention of third parties in both relationships (Coontz,

2005). Traits of online dating and arranged marriages are not different since a third party is used to set up both the relationships. Ahuvia and Adelman (1992) support this statement by stating there are additional resemblances between online dating and arranged marriages. The authors state that these third parties had same resources where there is a wide social net, solid views concerning the kinds of individuals who fit one another, and the readiness to apply those decisions to the establishment of couples.

Online dating has altered the social discourse in several ways. Online dating has enabled people willing to form romantic relationships to have access to almost two billion potential partners whom they can reach out. This provides numerous chances for the relationship-seekers that are unparalleled in the history of human existence.

According to Finkel et al. (2012), online platforms provide a wider network of likely partners who could not be accessed in earlier years. In addition, the Internet enables partners who may be in different locations to communicate via multiple channels. The communication may happen without partners’ conscious awareness unlike in the earlier decades (Coontz, 2005). Moreover, the Internet can link suitable partners by matching

!27 them through using new tools that utilize data provided by millions of users as opposed to relying on personal opinions (Finkel et al., 2012).

Many commercial websites have been created to offer dating services to individuals looking for passionate relationships. This has been facilitated by the recognition of the multiple unique possibilities offered by the Internet. For the past 15 to

20 years, Web-based companies have been developed that focus on providing accessibility and communication to likely passionate mates (Finkel et al., 2012).

There are numerous dating sites that an individual can choose a partner from. The sites can be free or may require a subscription for one to access services. Today, there exist niche sites such as Christian Mingle for Christians and JDate for Jewish singles.

However, this thesis focuses on SeekingArrangement.com. SeekingArrangement.com claims to be the leading Sugar Dating website with over three million users and operates in 10 different languages (SeekingArrangment.com). The site glorifies its arrangements by claiming they are mutually beneficial. According to Motyl (2012), the relationships initiate with the honesty of both parties regarding the terms of the arrangements. The arrangements in SeekingArrangement.com involve Sugar Daddies or Sugar Mommies and Sugar Babies. Sugar Daddies or Sugar Mommies are required to pay a once-a-month payment to use the site whereas Sugar Babies access the site for free. Despite how good these partnerships look, Sugar Daddies/ Mommies are basically older men/women while

Sugar Babies are basically college students (Motyl, 2012). Benefits offered in

!28 arrangements between the two parties might vary from expensive gifts, vacation, and cash offered for a company that basically involves sex.

She drank the Bloody Mary with her sunglasses on at the table. “Long night?” I asked. She lifted her glasses and revealed her tired, puffy eyes. It looked like her make- up was the same makeup she wore last night, smudged and clumped. She breathed in deep, “Look at me! I’m a hot mess!” I laughed with an overwhelming curiosity as to what she actually did last night, but was certain she was ready to enlighten me. “I went to an amazing dinner party last night. CEO’s and venture capitalists were invited. I was with my newest Sugardaddy. The drinks were endless. The best drinks you’ve ever had, didn’t even taste like real alcohol, until you realize, oh shit, this was real alcohol.” I laughed with a very understanding tone, to let her know we’ve all been there. Well maybe not exactly her situation, but the alcohol bit. She took another sip of her drink, and looked at me with wide eyes. “Last night is a blur, but let me tell you, I was like another person. Like, I reinvented myself. We laughed so much; I made friends with the

“mistresses,” and networked like crazy. At the end of the night, when we all went back to our rooms at the hotel they all got, I knew what had to happen next. And I became a different person. I became so adventurous, and seductive. Basically, I let him fulfill his fantasies no questions asked.” I looked at her wanting more details, but details about every Sugardaddy she’d ever been with. “Has sex happened in every sugar date you’ve had?” I swallowed, knowing slightly what her response would be. “Now that I think about it, she thought out loud, yes, sex has always happened on every one of my sugar

!29 dates. But most of the time I have no problem with it. It’s part of the arrangement. They let you know what their arrangement entails so there no confusion about the requirement, thus, keeps the arrangement mutually beneficial. We both get what we want, and need.”

“What is it you want and need? I asked inquisitively. Usually it’s money; enough money to pay my rent, bills I have, and recreational spending allowances. But because I’ve done so well financially in two years of being a part of this sugar culture, I also require gifts, and travel.” “Wait, so you want to travel with them?” “I don’t mind it one bit!” she exclaimed. “Think about it.” If you get a trip paid for in full, you still have to have spending money to buy things at your destination. If the Sugardaddy is with you, he will buy you amazing gifts and foot the bill for everything else. You get more bang for your buck, so to speak. Besides, when I’m choosing my Sugardaddy, I make sure it’s someone

I have a connection with mentally, so when I’m alone with him, or out and about, the chemistry is stronger and we have things to talk about. It just makes the whole arrangement much more enjoyable. Even if your favored Sugardaddy isn’t as rich as another date you had, the chemistry and connection has to weigh in on your decision overall on whom you spend your valuable time with. There’s nothing worse than having to have sex, and travel, with a man who offers you no sense of closeness, or compatibility.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it; it just makes the process a little more difficult. That’s when you start thinking about what you’re really doing there, in a room, about to have sex with a guy that you can’t even stomach. Not a good feeling. It’s happened once, which is why my screening process is so important.” I was up all night thinking about

!30 her words. “In a room, about to have sex with a man you have a hard time stomaching.”

What a feeling to have. I wonder how that car ride home felt.

Prostitution

It is significant to understand how prostitution is defined by law and ways it resembles Sugar Dating even though they are not technically the same. According to

Maxwell (2014), prostitution is widely known as offering sexual services in exchange for money. However, this explanation is way too unclear in practice. According to Maxwell

(2014), dating sites such as SeekingArrangement.com that create mutually beneficial arrangements between Sugar Babies and Sugar Baddies complicate this debate of consensual non-commercial relationships and prostitution.

Franzblau and Kennedy (2014) note that there has been a series of legal reactions to the criminalities connected with prostitution and illegal trafficking of humans.

Prosecuting this illegal activity has experienced several setbacks attributed by the dark web, the lack of proper boundaries restrictions and survey, reluctance to bring individuals involved in this illegal activity to face the law due to the lack of solid evidence, and the lack of prosecution in the numerous cases reported (Franzblau & Kennedy, 2014). The authors further state the payment for sex is generally made in the form of cash. However, payment can be done in materialistic items or compensation based on basic needs. Young women indulging in online prostitution puts them at risk of being involved in the sex trafficking industry (Franzblau & Kennedy, 2014).

!31 The Internet has provided a platform for prostitution promotion and marketing with relative secrecy and impunity. Today, dating sites and classified advertising websites including message boards promotes prostitution. Sex customers as well as illegal human traffickers take advantage due to the lack of Internet accountability despite the fact that online prostitution generates online records which may be used as evidence (Franzblau &

Kennedy, 2014).

Many websites involved in human trafficking state that sex for money is just business. However, the establishment of online dating has blurred what is considered prostitution. According to a lawyer for Seeking Arrangement website, prostitution is simply sex for money without the involvement of emotions (Franzblau & Kennedy,

2014). His objective was to have a segment in the sex business that would not be accused of prostitution. The objective of SeekingArrangment.com is to develop relationships that are mutually beneficial where older men are ready to offer monetary compensation for sex with younger females (Franzblau & Kennedy 2014). Mayo argues that escort sites use the same strategy for their advertisements (Franzblau & Kennedy, 2014).

“Mint Chocolate Chip is my favorite flavor. Ever since I can remember, my dad used to take me to this old school ice cream parlor on our way home from school. I used to get so excited when he’d pick me up, and he smiled at me and said, “Don’t tell your mom, or I’m in big trouble.” “Okay Daddy”, I’d always respond. “And I kept my promise; I loved having something to be excited about, and knew if my mom ever found out she’d take it away from me.” “I sometimes wonder what my dad would think of what

!32 I’ve been doing for the past two years.” I looked into her deep blue eyes, and I sensed a hidden sadness behind them. She shrugged her shoulders and forced a smile, “oh well, doesn’t make sense to think about that since it won’t change anything.” I looked at her inquisitively, “so do you feel bad about what you’ve been doing with these

Sugardaddies?” I don’t feel bad, but I know what people would think if they ever found out what I was doing. Nobody understands that this site is more than just a place to hook up for cash. It’s like you’re in a relationship. You have to cater to their needs, be available at the drop of a hat, and, believe me; those circumstances don’t make it easy to have a real boyfriend. So you accept that you’re not going to be in a relationship until you’ve established yourself and have everything you need to be able to depend on yourself and live in real life.” “So the money exchange isn’t awkward?” I asked. “Well, it used to be. When I first started doing this, they gave me cash after every date, even if we’d just had sex. So yes, that made me feel not-so good. I remember thinking when I left, oh my god, I just did that. But I’d force myself to forget and come back to do it again.” She looked up and smiled a secretive smile. “So you’re probably wondering how

I got that feeling to go away right?” I looked at her with eyes like I was going to hear the most profound method of making yourself feel good after you just had sex for cash. I cleared my throat. “Of course I’m wondering, please, tell me.” She leaned in close like what she was about to tell me something top secret. “I just have them transfer cash in my checking account every 1st and 17th. That way they don’t ever hand me large amounts of cash, and I never have to feel weird. Can’t believe that works, but it does.” I stared at

!33 her with wide eyes, astonished at what I just heard. My words stumbled as I tried to make sense of what she just said. “Let me get this straight,” I finally said, you felt like a prostitute when they’d give you large amounts of cash in hand, but when you don’t have to physically accept and hold the money, you don’t feel bad?” “Exactly!” She said as if she’d discovered breaking news before anyone else. “But you said it’s not prostitution because of how the sugar relationship is, but, regardless, you feel like you just engaged in prostitution when they put money in your hand?” “At first, I did, because it was new, and

I wasn’t sure about how I felt about sugar culture. But now, it’s totally different. I’ve learned the rules, the game, and am at peace with my decisions. Once you understand the culture, you see things in a new way,” she said matter-of-factly. I went home, and couldn’t help but think when she saw the money flowing in, how was she able to look at things in a new way.

I personally believe it is significant to explore the topic of self-presentation in terms of online dating. Manning (2014) argues that the use of online dating as a common way of looking for romantic partners will continue to be a profitable business. A report by

American Life Project and Pew showed that spending by users of dating websites led to revenue generation of about $470 million in 2004, an increase by $430 from 2001. This clearly shows dating websites created the biggest revenue when compared to other online sites that accepted payment in 2004 (Manning, 2014). The report also showed that almost

16 million users had used an online dating site in search of potential mates (Manning,

2014). In 2007, Jupiter Research’s reported the revenues had increased to around $900

!34 million with top dating sites indicating an increase of 20% to 22% in users’ registration.

Therefore, the growth of online dating appears to be continuous as a compact platform through which individuals attempt to utilize the possibilities that online dating offers for the development of relationships (Baym, 2010).

Deception in Online Self-Identities

Research conducted with regard to online dating greatly advocates that consideration and thought are placed on the process of identity construction. Users of dating websites are encountered by a cycle of self-disclosure which is guided by how others perceive them (Heino, 2010). According to Heino, Ellison, Gibbs, and Lai (2010), relationship development is shifted to a metaphorical marketplace by online dating in numerous ways where individuals shop through other members profile in the hope of finding romantic partners. This provides an explanation of why online dating emphasizes on factors such as honesty (Toma, Hancock, & Ellison, 2008).

Members of dating websites understand that other online user’s representation may not be their actual representation (Manning, 2014). Toma et al. (2008) argue that online self-presentation frequently includes a tension within certain situations on what online users hope to expose and what they can truly expose in a particular situation and context (Toma & Hancock, 2002). The actions and behaviors of positive self-presentation are not only present in online dating interactions. Studies advocate that people tend to modify self-presentational deeds in the attempt to accommodate traits they believe will be preferred by their potential mates during the first encounter (Rowatt, Cunningham, &

!35 Druen, 1998). In addition, individuals indulge in these self-enhancement actions and behaviors with strangers (Schlenker & Wowra, 2003).

According to Toma and Hancock (2002), online self-presentation includes both inspiration and creation which means that individuals must be inspired to attempt and guide how others perceive them in all situations. Therefore, these individuals participate in creations while undertaking character work (Toma & Hancock, 2002). The practice is slightly static and is typically developed by terms and photographs in online personal advertisements (Toma & Hancock, 2002). Walther (1996) argues that new members who are making their online profiles are allowed synchronicity as well as the ability to edit afterward (Walther, 1996). This presents them with time for creating rhetorical opportunities unlike face-to-face relations. Report by users of online dating show they care about how their cues might be viewed by others (Ellison, Heino, & Gibbs, 2006).

According to Goffman (1959), a significant and ubiquitous component of social interaction involves editing and packaging of the self to make positive impressions in others. However, this practice is basically entangled with dishonesty. Deception is widely known as misrepresentation of info which can take numerous forms that range from exaggeration to absolute lying. Deception may be a significant means for making a good- looking self-presentation (Goffman 1959).

Approximately16 million Americans have been reported to have joined dating websites whereby three million online users were successful in creating long-term relationships such as marriages (Madden & Lenhart, 2006). Even though online dating is

!36 now popular, it is usually viewed to be fraught with dishonesty, a concern that may arise from the separation between the self-presented online and the embodied self (Madden &

Lenhart, 2006). The lack of direct physical contact between online daters makes it easy to misrepresent characteristics such as height and weight, manipulate photographs, and exaggerate income and status (Madden & Lenhart, 2006). At SeekingArrangement.com,

Sugar Daddies must undergo a background check to verify their status before they are certified. This may appear to be safe and more dependable means of assertion.

Nevertheless, Sugar Daddies may still join the site without being certified. This makes it possible to have individuals on the site whose claims are not their true statuses.

“Sit on the swing,” she said, this is the only backyard on the street that has room for a swing; it’s special.” I sat on the swing and she started pushing me. I haven’t done this in years, felt like a little girl again. Swings were my favorite. She laughed in delight when she saw that I was really enjoying myself. When we were done we sat down on two lawn chairs she had set up. “Here’s a question for you, have you ever been deceived by an online suitor?” She immediately rolled her eyes, and looked at me with an, “are you kidding me?” expression. “Oh yeah, she exclaimed. “Oh you have no idea. You think you’re going out with a 59 year old and he turns out to be 69. His pictures are all ten years younger, and his profile is a good million dollars short of being true. This is why I switched to SeekingArrangement. Everything is verified.” I thought about this for a second, even if the guy turned out to really be 69, would it even matter if the price was right? I didn’t say this because that would be insinuating what she’s doing is the same as

!37 prostitution or an escort service. Instead, I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, and asked her, “Have you ever deceived someone online?” She looked at me and gave me a sneaky smile. She looked into my eyes, and said, “Some men prefer you to be even younger than I am, so I change my age when I feel it’s necessary.” I looked at her in shock. “Wait, I stuttered, you’re only 22 going on 23, how much younger do they want you to be without being jailbait?” She laughed seductively, “18-21 is the age range many men on this site prefer.” “Unbelievable,” I said as I closed my eyes and soaked up the sun thinking about young women and Sugardaddies.

Marriage and Prostitution

In an attempt to compare marriage and prostitution, Pateman (1983) stated that critics of marriage have regularly stated that women in marriage resemble sex workers since wives offer their bodies for rest of their lives whereas sex workers offer their body for a limited time. However, the type of marriages where the husband acquires legal rights to use the body of his wife is just one possible instance (Pateman, 1983).

Edlund and Korn (2002) argue that one unique feature of prostitution is that despite a sex worker having low skills, she is paid well. The earnings from prostitution may be multiples of the wages earned by individuals working in a full-time job profession with comparable skill requirements. For example, in 1998, an Economist newspaper reported that prostitutes’ income was $1,750 per day in Sweden whereas the same amount is what a regular unskilled employee accumulated in a month (Edlund &

Korn, 2002). The newspaper further reported Arab prostitutes could make $2,000 per

!38 night in the Gulf Countries whereas Latvian prostitute averaged $5,000 per month which is 20 times the average wage in the country. This raised the question regarding how such amounts could be made per night with such skills level (Edlund & Korn, 2002).

According to Edlund and Korn (2002), a woman can either be a wife or prostitute but cannot be both. On one hand, marriage can be a significant source of revenue for women. On the other hand, it needs better pay compared to other occupations to compensate for the lost lifetime revenues experienced in marriage (Edlund & Korn,

2002). According to Edlund and Korn (2002), prostitution is basically payment for non- reproductive sex (Edlund & Korn, 2002). This relates to the legal concept of marriage where a wife is contracted to bear children for the husband. Short-term marriages authorized by Shiite Muslims are referred to as actual marriages since a child can be created even if the marriage lasted only one hour. Therefore, marriage is different from prostitution despite its period, the number of men and women involved, and the amount of money used (Edlund & Korn, 2002). This definition of prostitution classifies courtesans and other high-end forms of prostitution as just that since sex with a courtesan is non-reproductive from the man’s perspective. There would be no automatic link between the father and the child in an instance where a courtesan bears a child (Edlund &

Korn, 2002).

Humans marry and mate. Edlund and Korn (2002) argue that men pay a premium for mating opportunities in wedlock. The basic idea is that people might be interested in a social affiliation in addition to biological parenthood, for instance, in a role recognized as

!39 both a custodian and a parent. Nevertheless, paternity is not ensured since cultures have chosen mothers to have the default parenthood rights (Edlund & Korn, 2002). Therefore, social parenthood is controlled by women and biological paternity confers no rights.

According to Edlund and Korn (2002), a woman can deny a husband parenthood and social appreciation even if she cannot unilaterally impose fatherhood. Therefore, fathers have to plead for parental rights with the females of their offspring. The institution of marriage permits males unopposed fatherhood and relocates custodial rights to males from mothers. On this basis, marriage can be viewed as an agreement based on offspring where custodial rights are exchangeable. Therefore, men would be expected to exchange resources for marriage (Edlund & Korn, 2002). Ultimately, the major difference between prostitution and marriage is that, in marriage, the husband is provided with children who are socially acknowledged to belong to him whereas this is not the case in prostitution.

Men rather compensate sex for marriage than sex outside marriage since they take social paternity with key importance.

She breathed in deep, enjoying the smell of her newly washed clothes. “Ahh, there’s something about the smell of fresh laundry that eases the mind and body.

Sometimes I stand in the laundry room just to take in the smell. It really relaxes me.” I thought about this, and wondered what she had to be stressed out about. Her whole life seemed pretty relaxed. I had a question in mind I’d been meaning to ask her, but hadn’t gotten the chance. I looked at her, and she caught my glance and asked, “What’s on your mind?” “Well,” I started, I was wondering if you think there’s a difference from

!40 marrying an old man for money and prostitution.” She laughed uncontrollably. “Wow,” she exclaimed heavily. “I’ve thought about this very topic many times. It really depends on what you classify as prostitution. In my head, I think about going out with these older men, having them pay for everything, and then when the night is over, and you’re ready to go home, you know you have a large sum of money waiting for you in your bank account.

You gave him good conversation, reserved all your time just to be his young companion, you cancel other plans at the drop of a hat because he summoned you, and you can’t really see anyone else exclusively because, honestly, who would want to get into a relationship with someone who has other prospects even if they are not in a relationship?

But really, you are in a relationship, just a different kind.” She folded her elegant and expensive underwear. If a young woman marries a rich, older man for the whole point of having money, they still have to devote their time to him. They still have to do things that are typical for a wife to do. Actually, most men I date from the website are indeed married, and are a part of the sugar culture, really because their wives won’t do the physical aspects that go with being in a relationship. A prostitute has only one purpose.

They make you feel comfortable, then perform whatever acts they are told to perform, then they collect their earnings, and leave. There’s no real connection, just a business transaction.” I looked at her in awe, because this point made a lot of sense. I wasn’t expecting this explanation at all. She moved on to her expensive jeans, breathed in deep, and inhaled their fresh odor as she folded them neatly. She continued with her thoughts.

“You might be wondering, well, what about an escort service? You can get a fake

!41 connection with an escort, and they will be your companion as long as you pay them.

With an escort you are paying for the companionship, conversation, and of course the physical if this is what the client wanted. A woman who marries for money is not getting luxury treatment for free, because as you know, there is no such thing as a free lunch.

They have to prove that they are the real thing, and will be dependable if ever needed.

They are stuck with this person with no real freedom. So no, I don’t think marrying for money is equivalent to a prostitute. I have to put in the work too and I’m not even married, which is why I don’t consider myself a prostitute either. People don’t realize what goes into these sugar relationships at all. There’s a much deeper side to all this that is never revealed for some reason.” She folded her last pair of jeans, and looked accomplished. “All done!”

Online Personas and Offline Personas

It may be difficult to understand why Sugar Daddies have to seek intimate relationships online. One may wonder why wealthy men who are Sugar Daddies do not consider meeting their partners naturally. Sherry Turkle (1995) noted how an article (In

Life on the Screen: Identity in the Age of the Internet) indicated that the Internet offers persons with chances to explore as well as experiment with different personas. Bargh

(2002) argues that the unrecognizability of the Internet provides individuals with a chance to take on various personalities without the fear of permissions and disapproval by individuals in their real-life social circles. It is similar to the way games and other forms of play enable children to develop social skills critically useful for later life as an

!42 adult without the costs and potential dangers of making mistakes (Bargh, 2002). This is responsible for the ideology that Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies are involuntarily engaged in a secret society. John A. Bargh in his article titled “Can you see the real me?

Activation and Expression of the True Self”, explains the psychological idea of individual’s many personas. The impression that people have multiple senses of self or personas has been around in psychology and sociology. According to Jung (1953), one’s actual personality exists in the unconscious self. Higgins (1987) described the concepts of ought, ideal, and actual self by declaring that the ideal self holds those values that one attempts to have in the future, the ought self are the values that a person feels he or she should possess, and the actual self is the real values expressed currently (Higgens, 1987).

Katelyn supports Bargh’s explanation of the true inner self by clarifying how individuals may begin an online relationship much easier than in a natural setting. The unrecognizability feature of the Internet reduces the risks of such disclosure since an individual can share emotions with a reduced amount of fear of condemnation and disapproval (McKenna & Bargh, 2000). McKenna and Bargh (2000) state that apart from the actual self, these variations on the theme of the self-concept are all concerned with future potential versions of self that do not exist in the present time. Conversely, Turkle’s

(1995) views the Internet as a kind of social laboratory and emphasized its potential of allowing one to explore the currently possessed alternative inner conceptions of self. This is likely the true self as described by Carl Rogers (1951) (Turkle, 1995). McKenna and

Bargh further argue that it is simpler to meet someone anonymously than in natural

!43 settings. Self-disclosures that occur in online interactions resemble the acquaintances of strangers on a train scenario where passengers may share personal and intimate information with their seatmates (McKenna & Bargh, 2000).

The disclosure is safer when the person cannot pose any risk to your life.

According to Derlega and Chaikin (1977), individuals have a tendency to reveal more private information to unfamiliar persons since they do not belong to the same social circle; hence, there are less risks involved. Additionally, online individuals have the tendency to have repeated interactions unlike interaction with unfamiliar persons on a train (Derlega & Chaikin, 1977).

Bargh supports the argument by McKenna by arguing that the true self is not the same as the ideal self/possible self since true self exists psychologically and is partly conveyed in one’s social circle (Bargh & McKenna 2000). According to Turkle (1995), the Internet presents a unique opportunity for self-expression. Hence, it is expected that a person would use it first and foremost to express those aspects of self that he or she has the strongest need to express, that is, true self or aspects that are not easily expressed to others (Turkle, 1995).

The second reason that facilitates the disclosure of personal details in an online context is based on the absence of the common gating features to the formation of an intimate relationship. Some of the effortlessly noticeable features involve physical features and abnormal stigma such as stammering (McKenna & Bargh, 2000). McKenna argues that these traits frequently make individuals who are less attractive physically or

!44 socially to avoid creating relationships to the point they disclosure intimate information.

Studies have shown that such features have solid implications on first impressions as well as on the decision whether the relationship will begin as friendship or romance (Hatfield

& Sprecher 1986). Such features are hardly noticeable over the Internet and they do impact potential relationships. The exceptional nature of the Internet supports individuals to easily find their match. According to Byrne (1997), people are likely to be attracted to individuals whom they share similar opinions or traits (Byrne, 1997).

“We’ve talked about a lot of things, but haven’t touched how you portray yourself online. I know it’s a big topic since now and days, people often meet people online. Do you portray yourself in a different light when prospecting online?” I asked curiously. She smiled her famous seductive smile, and looked at me as if there was a whole new world I was about to discover. “The beauty of meeting people online is you can attract them to you in any way you’d like. They don’t know who you are; they only know what they see on your profile and what you tell them when you’re in the messaging stage. I like to reinvent myself. On SeekingArrangement, you can be whoever you want to be and nobody would know otherwise. I’m basically reinventing myself, with every new prospect, I become even more of a fantasy girl than the time before, and they love it. I’m flirty and easy to talk to. I agree with everything they say, see how they think of things, and then respond with a similar view. Because none of this is in person, it’s easy to catch on to the cues in the conversation to make it seem like you are more compatible than you really are. And because of this instant connection you’ve created, the men get excited,

!45 like they have found the perfect girl to spend their time and money on. It’s something you learn how to do the more you interact.” For whatever reason, this sounded amazing to me. You can be anyone you want to be. You can be free spirited, flirty and fun and hide from the suitor who you really are without them knowing the difference. I suspect this is easier to do because you know there is no chance of this ever turning into a real relationship, therefore doesn’t matter to you whether you’re really compatible or not.

“Okay,” I continued, but what about when you meet in person? Messaging and getting them to you is one thing, but how about keeping that same persona in person?

Does it change? She looked at me and shook her head. “No, like I said, these men don’t know who you are at all. It’s easy to keep the persona going because you have nothing to lose. They liked you because you seemed eager and available to keep them company, so you have to stick with it or you won’t reap the benefits. I not only get spoiled and pampered; I get to be stress free, and fun. It’s hard to be that way in a real relationship.

I figure I have my whole life to be stressed and jealous, might as well take advantage of the time I have to be as free spirited as I’d like to be, and get paid for it. It’s simple logic.” I looked at her as if the stars were suddenly aligning. This aspect of the sugar culture, made more sense to me than a real relationship when you’re young. Amazing.

Byrne (1997) notes when two people have many similarities and are more compatible, they are more likely to stick together if they are married. However, McKenna

(2002) argues that it is difficult for an individual to find someone who shares same interests in his/her local area. Traditionally, people take time to get to each other and

!46 establish whether they have similarities and to what extent. Nevertheless, individuals who join a newsgroup such as one devoted to aging ferrets understand that there is a shared base of interest. This allows such individuals to quickly identifying other key interests that they share with others which may help to start-off relationships (McKenna, 2002).

Similarly, McKenna (2002) argues that intimacy and closeness develops significantly faster in relationships that began online compared to those between individuals who met face-to-face. This is due to the fact that is online dating facilitates easier self-disclosure as well as the establishment of the relationship on basis of shared interests.

Given that these relationships are formed on the basis of deeper and more substantive factors, it is expected that such relationships will be stable with time..

Relationships formed on such basis’ should also survive a face-to-face meeting better when gating features start to emerge (McKenna, 2002). Bargh supports the argument by

McKenna by stating that some individuals find it easier to meet people online. The author stated that one of the significant differences between online and offline interactions are the ability of the Internet to facilitate self-expression of individuals (Bargh & McKenna,

2002). (Bargh & McKenna, 2002). Bargh further states that the Internet has two unique features responsible for facilitating self-expression. The first feature is the ability to be relatively anonymous in one’s individual or group-level interactions. This allows one to express oneself and behave in ways not available in one’s usual social sphere. Therefore, an individual is free of the expectations and constraints placed on them by people who know them and the costs and risks of social sanctions for what they say or do are greatly

!47 reduced. An individual faces disapproval from one’s social group for failing to conform to one’s usual repertoire in that situational or relational context (Bargh & McKenna,

2002).

An analysis by Alvin Cooper of romantic relationships developed from online interactions supports the argument by McKenna. According to Cooper (1997), the structure and process of online relations can facilitate positive interpersonal connections including the healthy development of romantic relationships though many people think that electronic relating promotes emotionally disconnected or superficially erotic contacts

(Cooper, 1997). Cooper (1997) argues that online dating relations decrease the implications of human’s physical features in the creation of desirability and improves other elements such as similarity. Therefore, it stimulates erotic relations that arise from emotional intimacy. The Internet is a platform of intimate relations since it offers women and men with more free will to stray from the compelling gender. However, relations over the Internet may have negative impacts when people indulge on eroticized pseudo- intimacy (Cooper, 1997).

According to Whitty (2008), people who meet online get intimate faster than those who meet face-to-face. This is due to the disinhibiting effect of online communication. This outcome happens when people are able to be more anonymous which is easily achieved online compared with face-to-face meetings (Whitty, 2008).

Whitty (2008) states people who are more anonymous tend to be more emotionally honest and open and disclose more personal information about themselves. This can

!48 make an individual feel liberated and empowered. The most liberating form of disinhibition is referred to as benign disinhibition. Benign disinhibition enables people to reveal secrets, emotions or their fears. Moreover, they sometimes carry out unusual acts of kindness or generosity (Whitty, 2008).

However, it is important to note that self-disclosure is not empowering in all instances. Whitty states that at times, people online may be extremely angry or rude. Such individuals tend to seek material online that would be difficult to find using other means.

According to Whitty (2008), cyberspace presents more opportunities to be playful compared to offline space. Online platforms have enabled individuals to experiment and play around with presentations of self. For example, certain individuals may decide to restructure a more attractive body which they can use to represent themselves in several spaces online. Furthermore, most individuals tend to flirt and form relationships on the

Internet since they theoretically invisible while interacting over the Internet (Whitty,

2008). The reason behind this is that online platforms do not seem real compared with when an individual is offline. Therefore, rejection can be easier to cope with. This can be a very empowering experience for individuals, especially those who have been unsuccessful in developing relationships offline.

Whitty (2008) states that flirting as a type of play has been enabled by cyberspace. Flirting in the name of love over the Internet, although synonymous in some ways with offline flirting, is characterized as a unique activity that is a form of play.

There is greater opportunity online for fantasy than there is offline. According to Whitty

!49 (2008), individuals who use online platforms can link with a partner they desire whether an individual has a body that is young, beautiful body or even of the same sex. Moreover, participants can visualize what their fantasy partner looks like, feels like, and feels about them. Individuals who use online platforms can fantasize people they are attracted to and individuals attracted to them (Whitty, 2008). Turkle (1995) supported this argument and stated that the computer can be experienced as an object on the border between self and not-self.

Real Relationships on the Net, Does It Happen?

Whitty (2008) states that there is evidence to support that people can make friends and initiate romantic relationships in cyberspace that frequently progress offline. For instance, Parks and Floyd (1996) found that two-thirds (60.7%) of their newsgroup sample had formed a personal relationship with someone they had met for the first time online in the mid-90s and 7.9% of these individuals stated that nature of their relationship was romantic. Also, Whitty (2008) noted that 76.7% of the MUD users surveyed reported having developed an online relationship that progressed offline with 24.5% of the MUD users stating the relationship was romantic. Whitty (2008) argues online users create real friendships in online chat rooms with some claiming the relationship remained online

(Whitty, 2008).

Today, the popularity of dating websites and social media website as a way of getting romantic partners, sexual encounters, and friends is on the rise. A current study showed that 14% of the young people claimed to have established close friendships

!50 online while 2% claimed their online relationships was romantic (Wolak, 2003).

Therefore, it is evident that relationships are initiated online and progress offline successfully. The question that remains unaddressed is how healthy psychologically are these relationships? Are they worth one’s time or time be should be spent on face-to-face meet-ups?

In an attempt to address these questions, Whitty states that people who are shy have a tendency to seek relationships online. A study by Scharlott and Christ showed that shy users were more likely to agree that Matchmaker allows them to explore new aspects of their personality and that 74% of the high-shyness users indicated that their main purpose in using Matchmaker was to find a romantic or sexual relationship while only

46% of the low-shyness users were in agreement (Scharlott & Christ, 1995). Due to the fact the structure of online dating sites have changed since Scharlott and Christ collected their data, Whitty and Buchanan examined the behavior of online daters. Their research discovered that shy individuals are still attracted to online dating despite the requirement to disclose personal details inform of pictures and videos (Whitt, 2008). Whitty and

Buchanan further stated that shy individuals still gravitate to online dating since the platform make it safer for individuals to initiate romantic relationships due to the social distance and a less real environment that it provides (Whitty, 2008).

Some individuals are sexual addicts as well addicted to excitement that come from dating online. However, Whitty states that this is not a bad aspect entirely since indulging in sexual activities online can be very liberating and not all people consider it

!51 as a negative experience. Forms of online sexual activities include downloading pornography, hot chatting, cybersex, and incorporating the use of teledildonics. Hotchat refers to the messaging activity between two or more individuals which involves seduction (Whitty, 2008). On the other hand, Cybersex refers to communicating sexual fantasies over the Internet (Whitty, 2008).

Jennifer Gibbs states that the anonymity nature of the Internet tends to encourage more intimate and honest disclosures similar to the passenger scenario (2008). A study by

Rubin and Rubin (1995) amongst Boston air passengers showed that self-disclosures by non-residents were more intimate and longer than those made by Boston residents; perhaps, because these non-local passengers were certain they would never interact with their fellow passengers again. Thus, non-local passengers could disclose more personal details with relevant ease (Rubin & Rubin, 1995).

In addition, online platforms reduce the barriers to disclosing potentially negative aspects of the self to others as online users are unlikely to face disapproval from individuals in their social circle such as family or friends (Bargh et al., 2002). The anonymity nature of online relationships is also assumed to speed up intimacy as CMC partners can participate in more intimate and private questions on a deeper level of self- disclosure than individuals interacting face to face. According to Gibbs (2011), online environments enable individuals to be more open and forthcoming about aspects of the self.

!52 “Guess what?” she asked excitedly. “What?” I said eager to hear what news she was about to offer. “I am going to St. Bart in a day! My Sugardaddy is taking me on a quick vacay.” “Wow!” I exclaimed, "You’re lucky you have so much free time to go on spare-of-the-moment trips. It’d be hard for me even to get off work on such short notice.” “Well,” she said matter-of-factly, that is the luxury of not having to work.” I immediately remembered who I was talking to and agreed. “You have to be alone with him the whole trip though,” I said. Don’t you think that’d be awkward?” “No not at all, this Sugardaddy is not bad looking, and he treats me like a queen. Trips with him are always fun. The first time I went on a trip with him, I was nervous it’d be uncomfortable, but after it was done I couldn’t wait for the next one!” I thought about this, and then asked, “Do you think real relationships can come out of these sugar dates?” “I don’t think it’s impossible, I’m sure it happens, just not with me. I know I can’t bring home a

59 year old man to meet my dad. That wouldn’t sit well with him even if it were a real relationship. So, in my case, no. However, you get extremely close with these men, and if they’re not married already, they sometimes break their own “no-strings-attached (NSA) rule, and try to make it real.” I looked up at her and asked, “But you said most of the time these men don’t know the real you. How is it possible to turn this into a real relationship if they don’t know your real self? “That’s the issue, and is also why I don’t think these relationships ever work out in real life. I’m just being realistic, by the time

I’m 30 these men will be almost 80. How can that work? My daddy didn’t raise me to be a gold digger,” she said without hesitation. I laughed out loud. “Which Daddy are you

!53 referring to exactly?” I asked amusingly. She laughed too. “Marrying a man for money is being a gold-digger in my eyes. Dating a man for his money and giving him companionship is just smart business. There’s a difference.” I tried to justify what she had just said, but couldn’t really understand the difference. It’s like she had a justification for every topic I brought up. I guess you have to have these beliefs to stay in this Sugar world.

Strategic Success and Self-Presentation Success

Gibbs (2010) states the distinct notions of success that arise from online dating with an emphasis on two key scopes of perceived success and include self-presentation success and strategic success. Gibbs (2010) argues that strategic success is a concept that considers online dating users might have distinct relational goals and describes how these online daters feel in terms of the possibility of achieving their goals, if they have created approaches for online dating, and if they have understood how to be successful. The second dimension includes self-presentation success which is an effective concept that is similar to the satisfaction that was earlier used by CMC study on self-presentation

(Gibbs, 2008).

According to Naegele and Goffman (1959), self-presentation success is the same as impression management and points out to the extent to which online daters think they are able to create a decent imprint on others and attain a positive self-presentation over online dating (Gibbs, 2008). According to Gibb’s study, individuals with long-term objectives of creating offline relations participate in greater heights of self-disclosure

!54 since they have a tendency to be more frank and reveal additional private information.

However, their revelations are not essentially more optimistic than those people who take face-to-face goals with less significance. This unforeseen result might be enlightened by the fact that such individuals are trying to express themselves in a truthful way as they know such qualities will be exposed sooner or later suppose they grow ongoing offline relationships (Gibbs, 2008).

The above conclusions highlight the significance of projected future offline relations as defined by the theory of SIP and specify its part in improving honesty and intended self-disclosure in the perspective of dating online (Walther, 1996). Bargh notes that these outcomes also provide proof that self-disclosure practiced online vary among

CMC’s users on the basis of their relational objectives. Gibbs clarifies his notion of self- disclosure by stating that bigger volumes of self-disclosure lead to a bigger accomplishment of the scopes whereas more trustworthiness seems to have a harmful implication (Gibbs, 2008). Gibbs (2008) further states that the adverse implication of trustworthiness on strategic success is non-significant whereas its adverse implication on self-presentation achievement is important.

Feminism and Agency

According to Bryson (1999), the ideology of agency has its origins in the illumination era in that philosophical concepts of free will speak of the exclusion from any culture norm and sensible constraints. Self-determination is recognized better for its strong descriptors of the independent individual like honesty, self-identity, moral

!55 genuineness, and rationality (Bryson, 1999). An independent person was perceived to have the skill to attempt to sustain his or her rational self-direction in a domain that required wholeness and a world that was full of complex pledges and impinging verdicts

(Bryson, 1999). Structure and agency were described into detail by Lim and Cordero who indicated that the historical concept of agency led to an issue in relation to feminist theory with regard to the relationships existing between agency and structure (Cordero,

2012).

According to Lim (2011), a dilemma exists in feminist theory over the degree women’s actions are viewed to be constrained by patriarchal and/or social structures. Lim

(2011) further states female sex keenly makes decisions within various circumstances that have been defined by organizations and structures over which they frequently lack any influential power. Suppose an individual admits that women’s voices are not controlled by male domination then that individual is ignorant of the social contexts and legitimizes the status quo (Lim, 2011). However, suppose an individual admits that agency is socially constructed, he or she will be ignoring a woman of agency, making her unable to create social change (Bryson, 1999). In numerous situations, individual desires, context, inspirations, and strategies are terminated when agency is forced into the binaries

(Bryson, 1999).

Mahmood (2001) put forward one compelling example of this debate. Her argument is about agency via her ethnographic study of women across several socioeconomic viewpoints concerning their thoughts of being an ideal honorable self via

!56 discipline and moral agency. She challenges the normal western and liberal assumptions of freedom and agency and declares that people have a tendency to view agency as a capacity for action instead of being a substitute for preventing relations of domination

(Mahmood, 2001). Therefore, the existence of agency shows women can use oppression as a weapon. (Mahmood, 2001).

According to Mahmood (2001), the definition of agency can be described as the ability of people of doing things rather than their intentions. According to the Oxford

English Dictionary (1984), agency is associated with power where an agent is described as an individual who produces a certain impact. In situations that young women and girls go through, they possess agency. Sexuality normalizations and other principles are the basis on which people make decisions. According to Ahearn (2010), individuals are misguided by beliefs and are victimized by it (Gill, 2011). People perceive choice by considering how power functions in and through matters by developing a sense of self and creating certain types of subjectivity rather than in terms of crude manipulation

(Ahearn, 2010). Ahearn (2010) states that agency is the sociocultural facilitated capacity to make an action, both in its interpretation and in its production, rather than the reductive sense of free will. Therefore, agency is the usual state of the body that is bounded and conditioned by cultural terms made meanings in which there is a limitation of thoughts, actions, and (Ahearn, 2010).

Ahearn further states that people identify and distinguish their independence through comparison of themselves with the world. Their own perceptions of who they

!57 contemplate to be impact on their ways of actions directly. Also, how people chose to behave determines their living surroundings. Therefore, they clearly understand the social constraints of their agency (Ahearn, 2010). In addition, Dow (2003) adds that describing and condemning agency of a woman needs an understanding of the agency’s limitations.

The notions of agency discussed above show it is significant to understand why female Sugar Babies seek Sugar Dating to gain financial support and their perspective of themselves based on the notion that Sugar Culture is perceived as prostitution.

“I’m sad,” she said as she looked down at her Christian Louboutin pumps.

“Why? I asked inquisitively. She looked up at me and squinted her deep, blue eyes.

“Now that you’re almost done with your research, I don’t get to talk to you about this world I’m living in. I don’t have many people I can talk about this with. I know you think

I’m open about it, but I don’t really tell that many people. It felt good to tell my hidden secrets to someone who will not judge me.” I smiled warmly, “You can always talk to me about anything. And besides, in a few years you’ll be too old to even be on this site right?” I joked, she laughed loudly. “Very true.” “Well,” I said getting back to business, “Tell me, what is the most surprising thing you’ve learned from your experience as a Sugarbaby?” She looked up at the sky, and repeated what I said, “Hmm, most surprising? I’d have to say, is that a lot of times the man that has more money is less generous than the man who has less. It’s weird. The man who’s net worth is $50 million, doesn’t value you as much, and pays you less. But the man who makes a very good living, living just comfortably, who is content with their current income, will give you

!58 what you desire and more. I guess they appreciate you more than a man who can have anything he wants. The lower status daddies are the ones who give you more gifts, travel more, and overall have a more generous connection. Don’t ask me why, because I really don’t know. My previous Sugardaddy told me this little bit of advice during my time with him. He said, “High status men with a lot of wealth, tend to treat women like objects, and because he has posted his high-net worth on his profile, he uses that to control you like a puppet, so be extra careful and selective.”

Review of Seeking Arrangement Website and Messages

I realized from my research that one should be aware of all the aspects involved in

Sugar culture in order to have an opinion on the issue. During the early stage of this research, I first made observations concerning the website at a glance. My observations focused on how the website was set up to gain a first impression concerning Sugar culture. I used the address bar of the browser to input SeekingArrangement.com and read through the information that was displayed on the website.

The first thing you see is a seductive picture of a young, very attractive woman, and a slightly older, attractive male. She is pressed against him holding his undone tie looking at the camera with her mouth partly open, as his arms are around her waist, sensuously pulling her closer, while staring at her intensely. To the left of the people, there is text that states, “Relationship on Your Terms, where beautiful, successful people fuel mutually beneficial relationships.” Wow, I thought, what the heck are mutually beneficial relationships? Under the text in red there’s a box that says, “Join free today.”

!59 Free, I thought, that’s always nice. Underneath that was a thumbnail picture of the CEO of the site, Brandon Wade. He’s a balding Asian man staring awkwardly at the camera.

He quotes himself, “Unlike other dating websites, it’s my commitment to operate our business ethically. This means caring about your privacy, encrypting identifiable data, and never employing fake profiles or software bots. When we say there are more women than men, we guarantee it.” Unbelievable, this site doesn’t seem to empower women at all. He’s promising the men who are on this site there will always be options for them. In a tab on the top of the webpage, it lets you click on a tab “How it works.” I clicked it. In red, there is a large picture of this seductive woman, but you can’t see her eyes. You can only see her mouth, slightly parted again. Text is displayed over the picture saying,

“Mutually Beneficial Relationships.” SeekingArrangement delivers a new way for relationships to form and grow. Sugarbabies and Sugardaddies or Mommas both get what they want, when they want it.” Look a little further down and there is a section that says “What is an Arrangement? An arrangement is where people are direct with one another and stop wasting time. It allows people to immediately define what they need and want in a relationship. Our profiles allow members to effortlessly state their expectations. This is what we like to call “Relationships on Your Terms.” So I guess this is a “straight to the point,” site. There’s no need to sugar coat it. I scrolled down to find a section labeled, “What’s a Sugar Daddy? Successful men and women who know what they want. They’re driven, and enjoy attractive company by their side. Money isn’t an issue, thus they are generous when it comes to supporting a Sugarbaby.” I’m sure you

!60 can guess what the next section was. “What’s a Sugar Baby? Attractive people looking for the finer things in life. They appreciate exotic trips and gifts. Sugarbabies get to experience a luxurious lifestyle, and meet wealthy people on a regular basis.” Doesn’t sound so bad at all, they make this look like a very attractive deal, I thought. At the end of this page it gives links to the website’s features. There’s a “share private photos” tab, a “favorite other members tab,” a “Background verified members tab,” “Real-Time

Messaging,” “Active members in 139 countries” tab, and finally an “invites to exclusive

SeekingArrangement Parties” tab. This is more popular than I thought, 139 countries?

It looks discrete however. It’s so inviting. You really want to experience this world the more you read.

Finally, the last tab was labeled, “What’s an Arrangement? I clicked on it. I scrolled down and it read, “Every successful relationship is an arrangement between two parties. In business, partners sign business agreements that outline their objectives and expectations. Likewise, romantic relationships can only work if two people agree on what they expect, and what they can give and receive from each other.” This is suggesting these relationships are intended to be long-term if not permanent. To login you have to create a profile, so I turned to the only person I knew who did. I will have granted permission to open up a new world.

She typed in her email address and password, and waited patiently for the site to log her in. “Finally,” she said. “Do you want to see my profile to start? She asked hopefully as if she wanted to show off her creativity and secret persona. “Sure, let’s start

!61 with that,” I said in agreement. Her profile was simple. “I write as little about myself as possible. Really, you get more quality prospects if you leave them wanting more. You’ll notice the less attractive girls write a whole novel on their profiles. The more attractive leave it simple, yet irresistible,” She said matter-of-factly. Her profile name was stated across the top and underneath was her age, city of residence and gender. Under that is a quote header she has to write to get optimal viewers’ attention; her headline read: “To err is human, but it feels divine…” “This quote I picked was love at first site for me to let men know, I’m flirty and ready to have fun, they like that innocent, carefree persona, she explained straight faced. On the left hand side, were her profile identifiers, if you will.

“A 22 year old woman, looking for a man, with a lifestyle expectation of “negotiable,” standing at 5’4 with an athletic body type. Her ethnicity is mixed, and her hair color is blonde (depending on the season). She has blue eyes and has her bachelor’s degree. Her occupation at the moment is at an upscale tanning salon. Her relationship status is single and she has no kids. Finally, she is a non-smoker, but social drinker.” That about sums up everything, I thought.

In the “About Me,” section, she wrote something quick and inviting as she said this was an important factor. It read: “I am a fun, outgoing person who loves to smile and be stress free. I’m a devoted exercise champion and television buff. I’m a great listener, and I’ve been told I keep excellent company. Message me if you want to chat!”

That doesn’t sound too bad, I said. She looked at me and smiled saying, “You have to keep it classy. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” I laughed out loud.

!62 “That's a very logical saying indeed.” The next section asked, “What I’m looking for.”

She wrote: I am looking for good company with someone who’s looking for the same.”

That was it. No sign of suggestive innuendo’s at all.

Messages, First Initial Dates, and Analysis

“Okay, so that’s your profile, let’s look at some Sugardaddy profiles and messages to see how the initial courting process works.” “Okay!” she said as if she were really excited. “This guy is still on going and is my favorite.” An attractive older gentleman appeared on her page. He was a 58 year old, Caucasian, man, looking for women, with a net worth of $5 Million. His annual income is $300,000 and his lifestyle budget is negotiable. He is 6 ft. 1, athletic body, and dark brown hair with brown eyes as well. He had some college and his occupation is a Sales and Marketing Manager. He’s single, and would prefer not to say if he has kids, and is a nonsmoker but socially drinks. Actually, he was a very attractive older man.

I will not go into much more detail about his about me section because it would be too easy to identify him. I will say, however, he’s not looking for a gold digger, he has no problem getting dates, it’s just that women he meets in person tend to want to get serious real fast, and Sugarbabies just want to have fun, which is why he prefers to date

Sugarbabies. He finally, also stresses that sugar babies should only go out with guys who are verified and background checked members, because if he’s not verified he’s hiding something and that he should be on a site called “Seeking Arraignment and the

!63 Sugarbaby should be on a site call “Seeking Derangement.” Very clever, I thought, but true all the same.

“Okay,” I said what do his messages to you look like?” “Here you go!” she insisted. He wrote, “Hello, I really want to meet someone who is a good companion.

Somebody that is open and honest with me right from the start. I’d like to share some of the life lessons I’ve accumulated and be a mentor, at the same time actually listen to each other with full attention. It would be great to just be able to relax and enjoy our time together without judgment or ego. If there is a genuine physical attraction, things will happen naturally when the time is right. If all this sounds like something that you want as well, it would be great to meet and see if we have actual chemistry sometime.” Well that sounded good, but wait. “If there is a genuine physical attraction?” He didn’t say a

“genuine connection,” he said a “genuine physical attraction.” There’s the clue right there what’s really important to him, I think anyway, but I didn’t say it out loud because I didn’t want to burst her bubble.

From my research of the Sugar baby’s messages, it is plain to see, not all, but many, are definitely consumed with the idea of sleeping with a young girl without worry there will be legal problems as there would if the woman was an actual prostitute. Some of the messages explained exactly what the Sugardaddy was looking for, and what he expects out of his Sugarbaby. Some messages gave an exact dollar amount he was willing to pay to start an arrangement. Yes, it was easy to pick out the people who just

!64 wanted the physical, but even easier to pick out the ones who wanted more depth to their sugar relationships.

I went to the news feed of the site and there was an area where people had written blogs and created helpful hints on how to get your ideal sugar relationship. The titles were, “A Sugarbaby’s Guide to Sophistication,” “Methods for Sugar Funds,” “Tips for getting a live-in Sugar Baby, and Sugar Date Ideas.”

Under the seeking arrangement blog link, sugar babies give learned lessons to potential sugar babies just so they know what a sugar daddy will like. It’s for the general public, so people looking to step into this sugar culture, will understand why it is so important to get what you want. The tricks to the trade, if you will. One sugar baby said this, “You joined the site for finer things in life, so why would you settle for something you can easily access offline? Never mistake high expectations with being a gold digger either. Generous men joined the site for a reason, and if they aren’t here to spoil you, then they should log off and try soul searching at the grocery store. I promised myself that I would never date a broke guy again. I wanted an upgrade, and that is exactly what

I got. In the world of Sugar, it is so important to stand your ground. Know exactly what you want, and go get it. Do not settle for young broke men, you leverage your own success in this world, and you must refuse to be complacent. Especially if you are a broke college student” (SeekingArrangement, 2012).

Finally, a little note was displayed titled, “Positively Sugar,” it gave the most important tip of all; it explained what your persona should entail as a Sugar Baby. “One

!65 of the biggest and most important lessons I have learned from Sugar is that the world is yours if you have the right attitude. A cheerful and positive outlook on life will get you anything you want. Positivity is key. Plus, no one wants to deal with a “Debbie downer.” Relationships can be more beneficial as long as you focus on the positive.

Also, do not let the fear of rejection make you afraid to go after what you want. Put yourself out there and most importantly, be confident! You will miss out on so much if you let your fears get in the way. Sugar is a unique lifestyle and it takes true confidence to become successful. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.” That was very insightful actually I thought to myself. You must be cheerful, happy-go-lucky, and sweet

Mary sunshine 24/7. I guess in the Sugar world you’re never allowed to have a bad day.

All the three Sugar Daddies that communicated with the Sugar Baby appeared they had a sincere concern with sex not being the main subject despite the numerous features of the site that made it appear as a pay-for-sex site. To interpret the data, it was significant for me to have deep knowledge about the history and the situation of the terminologies used by the Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddies. I viewed the data from a perception of a feminist lens, focusing on post-structuralism. I used this ideology during data analysis to get a multi-layered interpretation from the interviews. This tactic concentrates on language and reality. It offers a way of describing feminism’s relationship with agency (Cordero, 2012).

Weedon (1987) notes that a feminist perspective describes the instruments which men and women implement certain broad positions to represent their interests (Weedon,

!66 1987). Weedon (1987) further states that significant viewpoints disappear within society when the feminist voice is silenced. Therefore, critique from a feminist perspective is best used when tension exists between a minority voice and a dominant patriarchal discourse and when awareness is required concerning how the occurrence of oppression comes about (Cordero, 2012). The scrutinized messages involve demographics of numerous varieties. The trend that was consistent throughout was the readily apparent logistics concern about how desires are initially communicated by the Sugar daters before the negotiation as well as the arrangement itself.

Most of the messages that the Sugar Baby received were from Sugar Daddies of

Asian and Indian descent, mainly employed in the high-tech Silicon Valley industry. The messages by these high-tech Sugar Daddies were simpler and to the point unlike those from venture capitalists to other C-Level executives. According to guidelines provided by

SeekingArrangement.com, the first step after identification of a potential Sugar Dater is sending a casual message or a wink as termed within the SA community. Thereafter, communication should involve simple questions as a means of checking compatibility.

However, only Caucasians seemed to follow these guidelines provided by the

SeekingArrangement.com site. I think these messages illustrate the views of many Sugar

Daddies that Sugar Dating is a form of prostitution. I think it can be surmised that many

Sugar Daddies view this as a negotiation of power though companionship may be a portion of what they want.

!67 Another trend I noticed was the questions that the Sugar Daddies would ask with regard to the reason the Sugar Baby joined the site and the period she has been on the site. They also asked if the Sugar Baby had met another Sugar Daddy and details of their arrangement. These questions illustrate that Sugar Daters conserve direct conversation until they are sure they have a potential partner (Cordero, 2012). This presents an impression that successful initial gauging for compatibility increases the chances to negotiate the terms of the arrangement. This applies to both the female and male participants. Fundamentally, the extent a Sugar Dater communicates his/her desires and wants is linked to their self-perspective of power and their use of that power (Moytl,

2012).

The Sugar Baby used in this study was a graduate who was 22 years old. She identified herself as heterosexual with little life experience. She stated she was unemployed and single. Her income came solely from Sugar Daddies. The profiles of the

3 Sugar Daddies the Sugar Baby met in my presence are described below;

Sugar Daddy #1: Married, Straight, 55 years old, Caucasian, Net worth $5

million, Venture Capitalist, Master’s Degree, lives in California, Seeking a

negotiable arrangement.

Sugar Daddy #2: Married, Straight, 52 years old, Caucasian, Net worth $2

million, VP of Marketing, Master’s Degree, lives in California, Seeking a

negotiable arrangement.

!68 Sugar Daddy #3: Divorced, Straight, 57 years old, Caucasian, Net worth 10

million, Ph.D., Resides in California, Seeking for an arrangement where he can

offer plenty.

Sugar Daddies #1 and#2 were married while Sugar Daddy #3 was divorced, though I later found out it was a separation. All the three Sugar Daddies had at least a

Bachelor’s degree, were Caucasian, lived in California, and with a net worth of over one million dollars. Finally, the terms of the arrangement for Sugar Daddy #1 and #2 were negotiable. Sugar Daddy #3 was looking for an arrangement in which what he brought to the table would be plenty.

The three Sugar Daddies were selected after analyzing their profiles and scrutinizing five hundred messages that other potential Sugar Daddies had sent. They were involved in the three initial dates where I applied participation observation to gather insights into what constituted the arrangements as well as examine the dialogue between the two parties.

First Initial Date

I received a text from the girl. She planned a date with this older man from the website, and asked me to come along. We had to plan this perfectly so the man did not know we were together. She was sincerely looking for an arrangement; I was just there to be an observer. An actual fly on the wall experiencing this phenomenon I’ve been so incredibly interested in. She said to meet her at the Four Seasons Hotel in East Palo Alto

!69 inside the restaurant. She would walk in first and save two extra seats at the bar; and I’d pretend not to know her. Wednesday night, is going to be my night.

I drove up to the Four Seasons. It was cold outside, and I was a little early. I couldn’t help but wonder what I was going to witness, what would be said? What will he say, and how will she react? What are the rules to this dating game? There were so many questions that I hoped would be answered; it was so surreal that this was even happening. She pulled up next to me in a black BMW, and waived excitedly. “Hey girlie!

Sorry I’m so late! Let’s go inside!” “Ok, I said, but walk in before me, save two seats, one for me and one for him on your other side. Remember, I will sit far enough away from you so it doesn’t look like I know you. She smiled like she was the lead undercover FBI agent about to solve a crime. “No problem! I’ll see you inside.”

She was sitting in the middle of two empty seats just as we discussed. I sat down.

I ordered Grapefruit Vodka so I looked semi normal. We sat in silence. I looked to my right at the front entrance, and I saw a man walk in. He was average height, mid-fifties I assumed, thin everywhere but his stomach, and salt and pepper hair. He was wearing a collared Hawaiian shirt with jeans and loafers. Definitely the most colorful person at the bar, I noticed. He rushed over to the girl immediately. “I recognized you perfectly, you look the same as your photo thank goodness,” he said in relief. “Awe, thank you! So nice to meet you,” the girl said nonchalantly. I took another sip of my drink thinking, he must have a lot of dates considering his overwhelming look of relief. Deception on-line is obviously a real issue. The girl quickly took on the conversation almost as if she was in a

!70 hurry. “So tell me about yourself, what do you do?” The man answered almost robotically, as if he had said this many times. “I am a venture capitalist. I do what I want, I spend what I want, and spoil whoever I want. I laughed in my head. Oh my, isn’t that the thing every girl wants to hear? The girl smiled a devious smile, and batted her eyes. “I do like to be spoiled.” “Well, then I think we are going to get along just fine, the man said. I slumped in my seat, and peeked over to see him gawking at her like he was picturing where and how far could he go with this new Sugarbaby.

They small talked a few more minutes and the man abruptly said, “Ok, let’s talk about the whole reason we are here.” Sure, the girl said, her face suddenly turning serious. “What is it you want?” he asked, “Is it money, gifts, travel? What is it you require of me?” The girl looked at him without even batting an eye and said, “Money.”

The man smiled, and grabbed her hand, and said, “Then I think I have an arrangement for you. I inched closer so I could hear everything he proposed word for word. This was the moment I’ve been waiting for. “I will pay you three thousand dollars a month to see me four times a month, once a week, for a few hours. The girl registered what he was saying, and then replied “What does this arrangement entail?” He looked deep into her blue eyes and said, “I need us to be in complete sync with each other, mentally, emotionally, and of course physically. The last part is a bonus because my wife will not do that. And that’s what you’re here for. Not only that, but I want to be your mentor, get you going in life, make you successful. I have been around, I’m in my mid 50’s,” I thought in my head, I knew it! The man looked at her and said, “Does it bother you that

!71 I’m over 20 years older than you? She sweetly exclaimed, “not at all! I prefer older actually.” The man smiled and said, “Then does this all sound okay for you?” She smiled her famous smile, and said, “This sounds perfect, so nice to meet you, and I can’t wait for next time!”

They finished their drinks, and he walked her to her car. I waited until he left her, and I walked to my car quickly. I looked at her and her face had an exhilarated look.

“What a great arrangement right?” She said excitedly. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, on one hand, she’s going to have sex for money. On the other, he’s going to mentor her, have some companionship, spoil her, and listen to her thoughts and dreams. A prostitute doesn’t do that. So this is where I feel confused. It’s more than just a business transaction. It’s almost a relationship. This is how this site is still in business. They found a loophole. Amazing.

Second Initial Date

I waited patiently in the parking lot of the bar/restaurant the meeting was taking place. I tried to prepare myself for this new prospect my subject set up. His profile was a little more interesting than the last, and he was worth far more money. His summary stated what he was interested in, couldn’t have been clearer and more confusing at the same time. He wrote that he was looking for a NSA (no string attached) relationship, with no drama, and wants something more than just a “quick fuck for a buck.” He wants to be in tune with each other’s emotions, and be a mentor both in life, and on the sexual, physical side of things. This confused me. The guy wants a girl who won’t get attached,

!72 but wants to be more than a quickie for cash, and yet he emphasized the physical. I wondered, is that even possible? Not getting attached, but being in-sync with each other in more ways than physical? This doesn’t make sense.

Her Beamer pulled up and parked two cars down. Ok, I thought, here we go. I sat two bar stools away from her, as we did the first time. The space was limited, so I had to get a little bit closer to her than anticipated. That’s fine; I can really grasp everything that’s said even better. I ordered a Cosmo, a perfect drink for a single but looking woman. A man walked in the double doors of the restaurant. He was tall, had a salt and pepper full head of hair, and a collared navy polo shirt and slacks. He must’ve come right after work, I surmised.

“Hello, are you meeting someone?” the sugar baby asked with a sensual welcoming grin. “Yes, that’s me”, the sugar daddy confirmed, “You look even more beautiful than your profile photos. “Aww, thank you, so sweet”, she gushed. The man sat on the stool which appeared too small for his tall physique, and ordered an Old

Fashioned from the bartender. I took a sip of my Cosmo, and looked at the bartender. I wonder if he sees this all the time, he had a smirk on his face as if he knew what was happening. I bet this is a normal thing to him. The sugar daddy took a sip of his drink, and looked at her for an awkward, what seemed like the longest 30 seconds ever. The look on his face was almost like he was analyzing everything about her, undressing her with his eyes. “Let me start with a little bit about myself,” the man said, almost robotically. I work in high-tech, but the business side of high tech. I run a successful

!73 startup, and by successful, I mean, I probably don’t ever have to work again.” The sugar baby’s eyes lit up immediately, and said, “That’s what I like to hear. Tell me more.” The man let out a loud, amused laugh, and continued. “I am divorced, and am not looking for another wife. Let’s make that clear.” The Sugarbaby felt it was her turn to be amused, and let out a sensual chuckle. “I’m not looking for a husband, so don’t worry about that.” “Perfect!” The man said relieved. The man ran his fingers through his hair and then looked serious. “I know we are meeting for a reason, let’s get to the interesting stuff.” “Please, let’s do!” the sugar baby said as if she was in a rush. I thought to myself, she’s been through quite a few of these meetings, so she probably gets bored with the personal part of the conversation. This brings a whole new light to a first date, she’s strictly money motivated.

The man then asked, “I am looking for someone who I connect with, on a conversation level, and of course physical. The physical is important as I do not have time to do the whole dating thing. I want a woman who knows why she’s there, and treats me like a king, but not a fuck for a buck hooker status. I need a woman that motivates me to be open, and when the physical happens, let’s me reenact all my fantasies without question.” Fantasies? I thought, oh boy, I hope she gets the cue to ask him to clarify what these fantasies entail. The girl cleared her throat, and said, “I’m all for fantasies.

What specifically did you have in mind?” Well, I like to be in control, and I like my sugar baby to obey me and listen to me as we engage in my favorite sexual play. Are you adventurous?” “Why yes I am, the girl blushed, I can help you live your dreams.” The

!74 man smiled, and you could see his dimples deepen. I just want to make sure you know what you’re in for; this could be the beginning of a whole new world for you. The girl looked up at him, like she had years of experience with this and said, “I am open to anything.” The man looked pleased, “now for the business aspect of this, the arrangement I’m looking for, is to meet up 1-4 times a month. After each visit, and yes, each visit must include the physical; I can pay up to $3000 a month. Does that suffice your needs?” The girl looked at him seriously, and without blinking said, “This sounds like my ideal arrangement. I think we have a deal. But you just have to do one other thing,” what might that be?” the man asked inquisitively. “You have to try not to fall in love with me,” she quoted like she was reenacting the movie “A Walk to Remember.” The man let out a giant laugh, and seemed amused. “I think we are going to get along just fine; you have a deal.” “Sounds like a deal to me,” she exclaimed. They sipped the rest of their drink, and small talked for a bit. The man got up, and seemed even taller than I observed at first, and gave her a kiss on the cheek, as she gave him a hug. “Let’s have our first meeting in the next few days, I’ll let you know time and location, you’ll feel like you’re on vacation everyday with me, so be prepared. “Oh I will be prepared and then some, she responded enthusiastically. They proceeded to walk to the parking lot, and parted ways.

I waited until I saw him drive away, and walked over to the girl anxiously.

“Okay, let’s recap. Are you a little worried at what his fantasies might be? I mean, I’m a little worried”, I said unsurely. She cocked her head back and let out a laugh. Usually,

!75 these fantasies they describe are much blander than they let off. “I’m pretty sure he wants to do some extra kinky stuff, because he wouldn’t give you specifics,” I said panicked. “I mean, aren’t you scared?” “Not at all, she replied, I like kinky, it gets me paid more, and makes them way more generous because they get to relive a scene for their favorite porno, except for it’s real life, and I’m getting paid more than the porn star.” I stood there for a second in awe. “Listen, I’ve done it all, you can’t surprise me with anything these days.” “But what if it’s inflicting pain on you; are you are still down for that?”

“You can usually tell the ones who want to spank you extra hard, and the ones who prefer to give you love taps,” she said matter-of-factly. “I guess this remains to be seen then, I said. She brushed a long strand of her hair from her face, and said, until next time! Yes,

I thought, if this guy doesn’t turn out to be a sicko, and she comes out alive. “Next time, most definitely,” I said instead. As I drove home, my mind could not get off the topic of fantasies and what fantasies I pictured him playing out on her. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking on her way home. I thought, I’m more nervous about this than she is. How does she do that? I pulled up into my driveway, and looked at my fiancé, and thought, if I was single, would I do this? I surmised, who knows what you’d do if put in the situation yourself. Who even knows?

Third Initial Date

I sat in my car waiting for her, for the final third time. It was a beautiful day, and

I didn’t feel bad that I called in sick to work. I wondered what this date would reveal to me this time around. She drove up in her little beamer, and smiled at me a brilliant smile.

!76 She quickly got out of her car and jumped into mine. She looked stunning. “How are you doing?” She asked inquisitively. “I’m good! Ready to see if this one is a match?”

“Oh, she said almost certainly, I know this one’s going to be a match.” “How do you know?” I asked playfully. “When you put positivity out in the universe, it comes back to you times ten. I read it in a book”, she admitted timidly. We walked into the restaurant/ bar that we’ve been in once before. I sat in one stool, and she sat one stool over, so she would be in the middle of me and the Sugardaddy without leading him on to know he’s being observed. We both ordered drinks and waited patiently. Finally, a man, around 6 ft. 2, very good looking, with a stripped polo shirt and some stylish jeans. She smiled her brilliant smile, and I could then see why she hoped this one would be a match. I got a closer look, and let me tell you, he was probably the most popular guy in high school because he was that good looking. I would guess he was in his early 50’s, and was cool, calm and collect. Hello! Are you my date? He asked charmingly. “Yes I believe I am!” the Sugarbaby exclaimed. He gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. He ordered himself a drink, “I’ll have a vodka soda on the rocks please.” A very generic, but common drink. He’s humble, I thought. He leaned over to her, and started asking her questions about her life. “She went on as I heard before two other times, and stopped short. “I want to know about you,” she said seductively. “Okay, I’m a partner at an

Advertising firm, and make a very good living. I was married for 20 years and don’t plan on ever marrying again. It was a nightmare for the most part. I want a relationship that’s no strings attached, but available when I am. I am a very generous man, and am

!77 prepared to spoil you, however, I have rules,” he said point blank. She looked into his light brown eyes with her deep blue eyes and gave an irresistible smile that showed her deep two dimples. “What are your rules? She asked. “I require that if I choose to allow you to become my Sugarbaby, that you have no boyfriend or male attachment as long as

I’m in the picture. I don’t like to share, and frankly, I don’t have to...so I won’t.”

“Understandable,” she replied. I don’t have a boyfriend, so continue.” “Rule number two, you must be submissive, and listen to whatever I ask you to do.” She looked at him puzzled, “I can listen to what you tell me to do no problem, but doesn’t mean I’m going to do it, “she said cleverly and confidently. “Ah, he smirked, you must be a feisty girl; I like that.” “Go on,” she pushed. “Final rule,” he continued, I like my privacy, and that includes anything that goes on between us, I mean anything, is off limits for discussion with anyone other than you and I. I will not meet your friends, or your family, or anyone you know, and you will not meet anyone I know. We are each other’s dirty secrets.” She looked at him in agreement, “I don’t let anyone know about my Sugar life; discretion is why I’m still considered a naïve, timid, innocent little girl. And believe me, that is the most important thing to me.” “Perfect, then we’ve gotten all of that out of the way.”

“Do you like spare of the moment trips?” he asked. “Who doesn’t?” she responded. He looked at her for what seemed like a whole minute, and then asked “What is it you expect of me? That is an important factor too, as you are worth a lot more than you think. I always make sure my Sugarbabies know their worth, he said in an assuring voice. He must be reading the blogs, I thought. “I require a comfortable environment, where I am

!78 not judged and can enjoy your company. I like fine dining, trips, and monthly allowances, which I require because the effort and time I put into you, won’t allow me to have a full-time job. I don’t like to be talked down to, and would prefer to stay care-free and not delve into my personal problems. I am with you to escape my issues, not dwell on them.” “Wow,” he sounded excited. “This is exactly the kind of attitude I am always looking for.” I took a sip of my drink and thought, looks like she’s been reading the

Sugarbaby blog very carefully as well. Almost verbatim. And the funny part is, the blog is 100% accurate. Human nature is a funny thing. She looked up at him and said, “Can

I ask another question?” “Of course you can, I am open to any questions you ever have,” he responded nicely. “Is the physical part of a relationship required?” she said timidly. “Yes, it is, but I want you to feel comfortable. Tell me now if this is not something you think you can do,” he said seriously. “Oh no! I have no problem with that at all. I was just laying out all the details so we both know what we each require.” I thought to myself, goodness, she’s getting really good at this. The Sugardaddy smiled, and kissed her on the mouth delicately. Then, he looked at his watch, and said, “Ok, let’s decide when we will have our first real date through email, and we will go from there. I have a meeting in 30 minutes, but I wanted to make sure I fit you in. This is going to be a good thing I predict,” he said most certainly. “I think so too,” she said as she batted her eyes. He took the last sip of his drink, stood up, gave her one last kiss, and walked her to her car. I waited until I saw him drive off in his Bentley, and then approached the

Sugarbaby. She looked at me so excited and said, “I told you this was going to be the

!79 one.” You never get this lucky. Attractive and rich. The perfect combination.” She puckered her lips and through me a kiss in the air, and got into her beamer, turned the music up loud, and drove off.

In the first stages of my study, before exploring what I have learned, my central focus was on whether Sugar Dating was just online dating or whether Sugar Dating was an act of prostitution. I believed this question is significant to examine. Nevertheless, I later comprehended a culture was involved in this phenomenon that I saw was necessary to discuss. In this study, it was essential to understand Sugar Dating in terms of all its elements. As such, it was necessary to learn the dynamics, non-verbal as well as verbal language, ideologies, mannerisms, and the arrangement as a whole. I wanted to understand whether the Sugar Daddies were only after sex or whether they wanted something more which makes it distinct from an escort service and prostitution.

The Sugar Baby revealed that at first, she felt it was wrong to some extent to accept money for sex and did not think she belonged to such a website. However, she became more intrigued after extensive research by the way the website was set-up in terms of appearance to provide a classy feeling. Prior to the first date, the Sugar Baby told me that numerous Sugar Daters were hesitant being entirely frank about their own character and main intentions. Frequently, the true plans of the Sugar Daddies are to control every aspect of the Sugar Baby’s life and use her as a sex toy. This is the reason the Sugar Baby is alert in identifying keywords in their initial messages to weed out these types of Sugar Daddies before she makes a decision on whom to contact.

!80 Other qualms experienced by both Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies are the way

Sugar Dating appears to be like prostitution and the slight fear of being rejected. I noticed a trend in all the three conversations from the dates organized between the Sugar Baby and the Sugar Daddies of a strategy that they all used to overcome their hesitations and fears. I observed both the Sugar Baby and the Sugar Daddies had to internally justify that the phenomena of Sugar Dating was not something negative. The Sugar Daters identified a technique to rationalize their deeds and make the arrangement simpler. The Sugar

Daters were attracted to the website through its use of this simplistic tendency on every page. It truly delivers the insight that the website offers more than sex-for-money, the definition of prostitution.

According to Lisa Ling’s documentary, the Sugar Babies legitimized the arrangement by concentrating on companionship as the main purpose of the arrangement and money transaction as the secondary purpose. According to Cordero (2012), many

Sugar Daters overruled the perception of Sugar Dating as prostitution in the approval of an additional socially acceptable plot (Cordero, 2012). In most situations, the Sugar Baby stated that the arrangement was more than sex. Cordero further argues that this approach of guiding and controlling the narrative, particularly as it associates with the stereotypes and societal rules, is very significant to consider when exploring agency’s dynamic nature in the Sugar Culture(Cordero, 2012).

The Sugar Baby involved in this research explained Sugar Culture and the rules involved in most of the time. The Sugar Baby said that all men who were married always

!81 stated that the physical aspect of the relationship was a must since their wives failed to do it. The Sugar Baby told me for an arrangement to be fruitful; it must involve sex. This suggests that sex is vital in determining the success of the arrangement than most of

Sugar Daters’ acknowledged (Cordero, 2012). After discussing how sex is an essential element of any arrangement, the Sugar Baby clearly showed sex is significant in creating an arrangement. Sex may be involved in the first date or eventually after the first date to establish what this relationship will be based on and whether there is any compatibility and chemistry between the two Sugar Daters (Cordero, 2012). The use of coded terms such as companionship and chemistry is to make Sugar Dating acceptable in American culture (Long, 2008).

Using these code words, specifically in Seeking Arrangement, is significant since such code words are consistent with Foucault’s understanding of how we are adapting constantly our language to reveal the modern values of our society (Long, 2008).

According to Long (2008), sex is perceived as a reproduction process by a biological imperative but the reasons why humans indulge in sex involves cultural learning where its sense is conveyed culturally. Hence, one can argue that it is more socially suitable to use coded words such as companionship and chemistry rather than words that directly describe sex. In addition, these coded terms help users of Seeking Arrangement to portray and make sense of the arrangements as well as brand them to the world to avoid such relationships being classified as prostitution.

!82 One Sugar Daddy stated that he was not interested in a sex-for-cash kind of relationship since he needed to be emotionally and physically connected to the Sugar

Baby. The Sugar Daddy stated that he could get a prostitute rather than be interested in a

Sugar Baby if all he wanted was sex. Therefore, I believe what the Sugar Daddy wanted was a mixture of prostitution and companionship. Finally, it looks like prostitution might lead to a compatible arrangement.

The Sugar Baby disclosed that her objective was to accumulate $25,000 in six months when she first started on SeekingArrangement.com. She recognized that it was simpler to ask the Sugar Daddies to pay $3,000 on a monthly basis for five visits.

Supposing the site was only focused on companionship, the Sugar Babies would only need to go out for dinner and get paid. However, this was not the case since the Sugar

Baby had to engage in sexual acts every time she met with the Sugar Daddy to make the amount paid to be worth it. The Sugar Baby realized she was making only $3,000 a month. However, if she had focused on one Sugar Daddy and expressed a strong feeling of affection and compatibility, it is more likely that she would have been rewarded higher.

I realized that the benefits of Sugar arrangements could be maximized if the Sugar Daddy experience extreme companionship.

This is the reason why the Sugar Baby did not consider real romantic relations until she was done with Sugar dating since Sugar Daddies consumed much of her time which made it impossible to foster a real relationship. According to Weedon (1987), the belief of a woman on whether she is indulging herself in prostitution despite engaging in

!83 multiple paid-per-visit sex depends on which rhetoric she believes in terms of the larger vocabulary of Seeking Arrangement that characterizes the arrangements as being fun and of mutual benefit. Critics can say that the acts of Sugar Baby of selecting a nontraditional approach to companionship and financial gain are against the status quo. In addition, she characterizes her acts in an arrangement, degrading herself to a patriarchal structure that limits her choices for empowerment and agency ultimately. She can begin to resist it only if she truly views all of it as rhetoric in relation to the greater patriarchal structure and the role she plays within that structure. The lack of this awareness and knowledge without considering her negotiations and acts practiced in an arrangement that somehow hinder her independence give in to that patriarchal structure (Weedon, 1987).

After interviews with the Sugar Baby and analyzing the messages on her profile, my conclusion is that arrangements established on SeekingArrengement.com seem to be a combination of traditional dating and prostitution via the spectrum of romantic relationships. The relationships can start and evolve to meaningful relationships or may stick to be money for sex kind of relationships. According to Cordero (2012), the blending of prostitution and traditional dating gives room for the creation of more progressive discourse that may be hopefully acceptable by the society, a discourse that combines the aspects of dating, chemistry, and companionship. This ultimately impacts one's agency characterization.

Furthermore, the Sugar Baby solely depends on her Sugar Daddies. Hence, I believe that Sugar Dating hinders the career growth of the Sugar Baby because she has

!84 never worked. Therefore, she lacks any work experience. She lacks the enthusiasm to secure work or find what to do with her life. She cannot be a Sugar Baby for long since her beauty will eventually fade and will not be valued by Sugar Daddies. Is the Sugar

Daddy actually adding anything to her career growth or does he occupy much of her time to the degree that she lacks the motivation do anything else with her life?

The Sugar Baby revealed to me in one of our conversations that she informed one of her Sugar Daddies about her thoughts of getting a job but it required traveling. The

Sugar Daddy’s response was whether she will be able to keep the weekly schedule with him as per their arrangement. This shows that the Sugar Daddy only cared about himself and his weekly needs. In my view, the relationship between the Sugar Baby and the Sugar

Daddies is a dangerous engagement since she will be out of college for a year without any kind of employment. Even if Sugar Dating has cleared her of any debts, she lacks the experience as well as the inspiration to rely on herself and make a life that she can be proud of.

Conclusion

Although there are various aspects that legally categorize Sugar Dating from prostitution, the results of this research showed that sex is a significant aspect of Sugar

Dating. I noticed that Seeking Arrangement resembles various dating sites in terms of the time invested in identifying a suitable match. The users of these sites and Sugar Dating sites need to create a detailed profile where they first answer questions concerning their likes, dislikes, quirks, education, career, needs, and wants. Thereafter, users are required

!85 to write about their biographical statement that will be used to market them to other users as caring, funny, intelligent, and spiritual. Additionally, users have to learn to use these sites in such a way they can go through other daters' profile to identify a possible match or to review profiles of those the website classifies as a match. Users of these sites are allowed to change the search parameters to narrow the scope of identifying a possible match (Cordero, 2012).

It is obvious that differences exist between the traditional dating sites and

Seeking Arrangement website. For instance, these traditional sites like Christian Mingle,

Match, and E-Harmony market themselves as brokers of serious relationships such as marriage whereas Seeking Arrangement markets itself as leading site of mutually beneficial relationships in the form of arrangements. Members of seeking arrangement acknowledge that the mutually beneficial arrangements involve the financial and sexual components of Sugar Dating. Sugar daters understand that the financial component of

Sugar Dating is crucial for the arrangements as well as the parameters of these arrangements including how often the Sugar Babies and the Sugar Daddies will meet and money to be compensated for sexual acts. The results of this study showed that sex determines whether Sugar Dating arrangements will progress. Therefore, this notion of business negotiation of the arrangements is what appears to categorize Sugar Dating as a form of prostitution (Cordero, 2012).

Additionally, the works by Miller (2012) and various feminist writers can be used to highlight the difference between traditional relationships and Sugar Dating. Husbands

!86 have been known throughout history as providers of finance in relationships. On the other hand, women view men who are financially stable as the ideal marital and romantic partners. This is still the case in the present time despite the fact that women of our generation have advanced in terms of securing professional jobs as well as finance on their own. For instance, Match.com which is a dating site that markets itself as the site with most serious relationships that led to marriage requires its users to include their salary in their profiles as well as select the range of salary of the daters they are interested in. Therefore, users of this site can accept and reject someone solely on the basis of his financial state and fail to acknowledge it as the main reason for rejection or acceptance.

This statement is supported by Cordero (2012) who argues that profiles of men who fail to declare their salary or have low salaries are frequently ignored by women. Therefore, the main difference between SeekingArrangement.com and Match.com is that the financial aspect in SeekingArrangement.com is openly negotiated.

The responses from participants in the current research about their desires and expectations of arrangements further support the argument that Sugar Dating is based on the patriarchal construct. In most situations, Sugar Daddies consider Sugar Dating so that they can distance themselves from their normal lives that lack aspects such as excitement or sex. Additionally, responses from the Sugar Daddies appeared to show that they wanted to feel like men who are sought after by younger attractive women. Sugar

Daddies understand that indulging in Sugar Dating comes at a cost and their egos are boosted by their ability to compensate for this type of relationship. Therefore, the dream

!87 of Brandon Wade where men need to be considered by good-looking women despite their physical appearance and other traits appears to be fulfilled by SeekingArrangement.com.

Unlike in the past, men today can get attractive young women at the right price.

Conversely, the Sugar Baby appeared to be more concerned with the money aspect in

Sugar Dating. The behaviors of both the Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddies seemed to show that they were perpetuating the patriarchal discourse regardless of their state of consciousness (Cordero, 2012).

Seeking Arrangement uses particular terms that aim at describing and shaping the discourse of the arrangements formed through the site which is similar to other dating websites. Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies use similar terms but the totality of their responses shows that these terms are used with different meanings. Some of these terms used include “fun” and “being realistic” (Cordero, 2012). In the case of Sugar Daddies, the notion of having fun seemed to be the main factor encouraging them to indulge in

Sugar Dating. Sugar Daddies have full lives by all means with some of them having families. Sugar Daddies view an arrangement they are involved with a young and beautiful woman as a method of exploring what life has to offer. Sugar Daddies can look for another Sugar Baby or look for another Sugar Dating site with their information intact suppose an arrangement fails to meet their needs and wants. On the other hand, Sugar

Babies’ notion of fun was more complicated. Despite the fact that Sugar Dating appears to be enjoyable, the Sugar Baby’s responses showed that she needed to make the

!88 arrangement fun for the Sugar Daddy to prevent them from terminating the arrangements and possibly leave her in financial crisis.

Another term used differently by the Sugar Daddy and the Sugar Baby is “being realistic”. Sugar Daddies appear to use this term as way of escaping from their normal lives by indulging in Sugar Dating. Responses from the Sugar Daddies showed that they believed Sugar Babies chose to be with them for reasons more than financial reasons and users of SeekingArrangement.com were not forced to join the site. On the other hand, the

Sugar Baby understood that she needs to be realistic about her role and position concerning the arrangement. Her responses showed that the power that she had in an arrangement was based on their attractiveness and beauty. Additionally, the Sugar Baby responses showed that she acknowledged that her beauty and attractiveness was deemed to fade as time passes by, thus, her future was uncertain. I noticed that the Sugar Baby used in this research did not have an alternative source of generating income since she solely depended on Sugar Dating. The exploration of this exceptional culture in the perspective of studies on power including that of Foucault reveals that the difference between traditional relationships and Sugar Dating seems to be much less. According to

Manning (2014), there lacks true self which an individual can use to recover hence one ought to self-create, resist, and become conscious of the societal dictations and prescriptions of what he or she ought to be. However, the individual will frequently reproduce himself or herself to respond to historical and cultural circumstances and will endeavor for truths that will be drawn away forever (Manning, 2014).

!89 Andermahr, Lovell, and Wolkowitz (2000) states that power is universal. They also state that power is circulatory since it originates from each and every aspect of discourse, situation, and existence. It is rooted to the principle of who people are. More significantly, the circulation of power is exercised rather than possessed. It can be both productive and coercive (Andermahr et al., 2000). Andeermahr and colleagues argue that power is regarded as productive since it can shape the practices and values of individuals.

For instance, how individuals incorporate the practices or values together with what is regarded as acceptable as well as abiding by the rules followed in a particular culture.

Foucault described power in detail by explaining it produces resistance naturally

(Foucault, 1980). According to Cordero (2012), forms and discourses of knowledge are unnatural since they constitute components of the implications of power since practices and dissertations of power have to acclaim universality that does not exist in reality.

Resistance occurs in a passive sense for Sugar Babies even though it is not transformative in the Sugar Dating context. Given that the Sugar Baby is functioning from a patriarchal institution perspective, one ought to study the discrete resistance deeds within the general discourse setting (Cordero, 2012).

Even though the Sugar Baby appears to possess some power in joining

SeekingArrangement.com and deciding the negotiation terms, she still functions within the male-controlled institution constructs and system of domination (Cordero, 2012).

Hence, it is significant to point out that Sugar Dating is similar in various ways to other heteronormative establishments in the patriarchal society with regard to facilitating

!90 oppressive gender roles when analyzing how power operates in the culture of

SeekingArrangement (Cordero, 2012). Additionally, Cordero concludes that the patriarchal bargaining signifies an important element of the capability of the Sugar Baby being able to negotiate actively within the system. The bargain serves as the source of her way of achieving an altered sense of power that enables her to be prosperous in Sugar

Dating. Therefore, Sugar Baby’s agency is an undeviating insight into her social circumstances (Cordero, 2012).

Significant differences were observed in the way males and females perceive power in general and the way it works in Sugar Dating. While the observed Sugar Baby and the Sugar Daddies showed that power is frequently linked to money, they had very distinct perceptions about who had more power. Some Sugar Daddies believed that traditional relationships have a power that is less balanced than that of Sugar Dating as terms are openly discussed.

The concepts that inform Sugar dating tend to remain based on the responses provided by the participant in this study. When Sugar Dating is viewed via the perception of poststructuralist as well as feminist theory, it appears to function on the basis of cultural norms of traditional heterosexual relationships. It shares the components of both prostitution and traditional dating relationships. The overt financial element of arrangements, especially in pay-per-visit arrangements, is similar to that of prostitution.

However, the roles of the Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies in the arrangements can as well be applied to the traditional heterosexual couples in marriage (Cordero, 2012).

!91 Furthermore, Sugar Daddies value does not fade away with their age, unlike Sugar

Babies. This argument is similar to the traditional culture where women are considered to be of less value for their beauty and sexuality fade over time (Cordero, 2012).

Although Sugar dating appears to be prostitution on the surface, one can as well argue that these bargains are also found in marriages. Therefore, it can be concluded that the wife, the Sugar Baby, and the prostitute are empowered subjects based on the oppressive social construct. Since most of the information of this study was gathered via observations on three Sugar Daddies and one Sugar Baby, the study was limited by experiences of these subjects and how honest and accurate were the Sugar Baby’s responses. Another limitation of the study was it solely used the subjective analysis of one researcher.

This research was based on identifying the position of the various elements of

Sugar Dating such as sexual behavior in comparison with the traditional heterosexual norms, culture, and context. Therefore, I am of the belief that the next rational stage for this project will be to investigate long-term relationships such as marriage. The aspect to be explored will include how the dynamics change when Sugar Daters move to serious relationships such as marriage. A research that will involve examining marriages that were established from the Sugar Culture would be an ideal subject to explore in the context of the marriage institution and the transition of Sugar Baby to a wife.

Investigation of the dynamics between female Sugar Mommies and male Sugar

Babies would also be ideal. It would be important to explore if the Sugar Mommy is

!92 inspired and motivated when male Sugar Babies who are younger desire them in a similar way that the Sugar Daddies in this study appeared to be. Sugar Baby-Sugar Mommy relationships can be used to determine what in society has not changed (Cordero, 2012).

Sugar Culture is increasingly turning out to be a universal phenomenon that young people use to gain financial income to live lavishly provided they adhere to the rules of Sugar

Dating.

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