The Taxidermy Art of Walter Potter by Sam Jenkins

CATHOLIC No.1: CATS

Edited by Glynnis McDaris & Jesse Pearson

Evil Twin Publications NEW YORK CATHOLIC No.1: CATS from the desk of Edited by Glynnis McDaris and Jesse Pearson Layout by Stacy Wakefield [email protected] CATHOLIC All artwork and writing remains property of the artists. Copyright © 2005.

Published by: Evil Twin Publications PO BOX 1318 COOPER STATION NEW YORK, NY 10276 www.EvilTwinPublications.com in Association with: D.A.P./Distributed Art Publishers, Inc. 155 AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS, SECOND FLOOR NEW YORK, NY 10013-1507 TEL. 212.627.1999 FAX 212.627.9484 www.artbook.com his is actually Catholic v1.5. That sounds extremely nerdy, but it’s true. The first with assistance from: Catholic was published in an edition of 1,000 handmade zines to accompany a T group show we curated in November, 2003, in New York. This Catholic, the new one, the fancy one that you’re holding, is double the size, refined and embellished. Not tamed, but groomed, let’s say. COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY MARY LAFRENIERE When we first had the idea to do a zine, it was like, “Well, we can just do cats the first BACK COVER DRAWING BY JIM DRAIN END PAGE COLLAGE BY GLYNNIS MCDARIS time. Then we’ll do plants. Or maybe something about costumes.” The point was, Catholic at first would mean “cat-holic,” like addicted to cats, but then after that the next editions Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data could adhere to our favorite definition of Catholic: “Having varied tastes.” (Look it up, it’s Catholic. No.1, Cats / edited by Glynnis McDaris and Jesse Pearson. true.) So, that’s the way it was supposed to be. p. cm. But then we finished the zine, showed it to people, and when they all said, “I have ISBN 1-933045-15-9 1. Cats in art. 2. Cats--Anecdotes. 3. Cat owners--Anecdotes. I. Title: literally been waiting my entire life for an arty magazine about cats and you should never Cats. II. McDaris, Glynnis. III. Pearson, Jesse. stop doing this for as long as you live” (that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but whatever), we N7668.C3C367 2005 decided that — of course — why abandon cats. We hate when people abandon cats. 636.8--dc22 —Jesse and Glynnis 2005002238 PS: That cat up there is Justin. He is the reason that all of this is happening. PRINTED IN CHINA

PHOTO BY CAROL LEE CATHOLIC 5 1 Kelly Kuvo & Adam Dugas.....6 Liz Goldwyn.....8 Waris.....9 Takahiro Imamura.....10 Amy Kellner.....12 Jane Rule Burdine.....14 Tim Barber.....15 JD Samson.....16 Roe Ethridge.....17 Eileen Myles & Jordana Rosenberg.....18 Bjorn Copeland.....19 Richard Kern.....20 Jaiko Suzuki.....21 Josh Lyon.....22 Patrick McMullan.....23 Mary & Steve Lafreniere.....24 Amber Gayle & David Miller.....28 Cheryl Dunn.....30 Liz Bougatsos & Brian Degraw.....31 Peter Sutherland & Erik Anthony.....32 Matt Keegan.....34 Jean O’Brien.....35 Scott Lenhardt.....36 Ian Hundley.....37 Ryan McGinley.....38 Colin DeLand.....40 United Bamboo.....42 Stephen Sprott.....44 Isabel Asha Penzlien.....45 Greg Ginn with Jesse Pearson.....46 David Aron.....49 Pia Dehne.....50 Balthus.....51 Jeff Johnson & Blaise McDaris.....52 Kembra Pfahler.....56 Terry Richardson.....57 Walter Potter & Stephen Jenkins.....58 Cormac Chase.....60 Terence Koh.....61 62.....Peter Stanglmayr 63.....Tina Hejtmanek 64.....Glynnis McDaris 65.....Brian Degraw 66.....Wendy Mullin 67.....Rosalie Knox 68.....Kate Lacey 73.....Stacy Wakefield & Jane O’Brien 74.....Thordis Adalsteinsdottir 75.....Jim Drain 76.....Jim Krewson 77.....Ashley Macomber 78.....Mended Veil 79.....Jeremy Scott 80.....August Visco 81.....Pieter Schoolwerth 82.....Gabriel Orozco 84.....Allison Edge 85.....Bruce Nauman 86.....Sabrina Mansouri 87.....Sadie Laska 88.....Deli Cats of New York City 90.....Shawn Mortensen 91.....Dash Snow 92.....Judy Rifka 94.....Ashley Thayer 95.....Naomi Fisher 96.....Gelatin 98.....Wowch 100.....Nick Zinner 102.....Hisham Bharoocha 103.....Cat Reviews 104.....Tim Barber 106.....Jess Holzworth 107.....Adam Stennett 108.....Devin Flynn 109.....Gavin McInnes 110.....Alejandro Cardenas R.I.P. JABBERJAW BY KELLY KUVO

ntil a few weeks ago, I wasn’t a “bleeding heart” Libra like my mom. I tried like HELL to be a selfish hard-ass. But now, I happen to be the type of person who sleeps on the couch so that my newly U adopted stray cat Bessie and her 5 kittens can have the entire bedroom all to themselves. Ugh. I’ve been sucker-punched by cuteness! Here’s a recent email from my mom, just so you can get an idea of what kind of an animal lover I grew up with. “Congrats on the babies and I hope you find them good homes! I love doing work for the shelter and right now I have a new black Manx kitten — but we are keeping her/him because we fell in love. We now have seven cats. Max passed away but we still have our oldest cat, TC, she is eleven, plus four 1 yr olds, one 3yr old, one 1 1/2 yr. old, and now the baby. TC and the baby are the only ones that are lovey — the rest are outdoors and just catty. My black cat, Kramer, passed away over two yrs ago; he was a love bug. Nice to have another love kitty around. Just took in a puppy with an amputated leg above the shoulder. She is a sweetie. Hopefully, Petsmart will find a good home for her. I will keep a tracer on her so she is not ever hurt in any way. The other dogs we got adopted are all in good homes and doing well. Love, Mom” Blame it on the full Blessing Moon. That’s when this kitten stuff all started. I saw, in the moonlight, this skinny little gray cat with a bulging uterus sitting in a garbage can trying to make a meal out of a greasy paper towel. Then…whammo! I’m a doting kitty grandmomma shopping for toys and treats for each babe. Why do these clichés run so rampant among single women in their 30s? I’m turning into a fucking cat lady. There used to be six kittens, but Jabberjaw died during the NYC Blackout. He overheated. He was the weakest of the two Tabby runts in the litter, and he cried and whined a lot. As soon as he was born, he was yelping. Thus the name. I did what I could to keep lil’ Jabbers alive and well. But once the ice cubes and ice-pack had thawed, there was nothing more to do. Newborn kittens can’t control their body temperature, so it’s important to make sure they don’t get too cold or too hot. Jabbers got too hot. And, oh, I felt so horrible about it! Especially since, only a few hours later, the electricity came back on. Then I had to put Jabberjaw in the freezer. A couple weeks passed by before I could muster up the energy to give lil’ Jabbers a proper funeral ceremony and burial. But I did. And I’m confident that he’s in a happy heavenly kitty place now. All remaining eight cat lives were symbolically buried with him. Rest In Peace, my poor little Jabberjaw! Me and Bessie and the babes Castle Greyskull, Hazel Baby, Snickerdoodle, Tab Cola, and Sir Puffsalot all love and miss you very much! i

6 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS BY ADAM DUGAS CATHOLIC 5 7 8 5 CATHOLIC BRACELET BY LIZ GOLDWYN BROOCH BY WARIS CATHOLIC 5 9 PHOTO BY TAKAHIRO IMAMURA

CATHOLIC 5 11 HANG IN THERE BABY? I DON’T THINK SO. BY AMY KELLNER

h, the poor “Hang in There, should get the hell out of there, Baby” cat. Is there any sadder shouldn’t you? “Hang in there, Baby” O symbol of American kitsch? The is a dangerous trap. It’s abusive. Quite specters of the “Hang in There, Baby” frankly, it’s pissing in my mouth and cats are everywhere. Mostly they take calling it lemonade. I have a cat named the form of posters, Lucky Star. She’s black and white and tacked up in Dilbert-style cute all over. If she were office cubicles, symbolizing stuck up in a tree I wouldn’t the most tedious of think it was at all funny workplace drudgery. or motivational! I would The poster is supposed be incredibly worried to be motivational, but about her welfare! all it does is make you feel I definitely wouldn’t like your job is as bad as go emblazoning it on being stuck dangling t-shirts. Ha ha ha, animal from a tree. Then there cruelty! Hilarious! “Hang are the “Hang in There, in There, Baby” is Baby” cats that live on t-shirts. ultimately about waiting These are usually sold at country to get out of a bad situation. flea markets and bought by women Waiting to get on solid ground again. whose husbands treat them so bad that But I fear it’s a message of false they should really be buying shotguns hope. Cats are supposed to land on to shoot their hubbies’ peckers off. all fours and walk away unscathed, But instead it’s a sad chuckle and a but we clumsy humans aren’t as lucky. “Hang in There, Baby!” I think “Hang We can let go and fall to our fate, or in There, Baby” is a terrible message. we can hang in there and wait and wait Why should you hang in there anyway? and wait. What choice do we have? I mean, if things are that bad, you I hate waiting. i

12 5 CATHOLIC CATHOLIC 5 13 14 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY JANE RULE BURDINE PHOTO OF CAT SCRATCH BY TIM BARBER CATHOLIC 5 15 16 5 CATHOLIC VIDEO STILLS BY JD SAMSON PHOTO BY ROE ETHRIDGE CATHOLIC 5 17 POEM BY AVI (R.I.P.) AS TOLD TO EILEEN MYLES 18 5 CATHOLIC & JORDANA ROSENBERG COLLAGE BY BJORN COPELAND CATHOLIC 5 19 20 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY RICHARD KERN DRAWING BY JAIKO SUZUKI CATHOLIC 5 21 I OWN A DEVON REX BY JOSH LYON

y cat’s name is Ollie. He’s a Devon Rex. I’m not into breeding cats or anything but my old roommate was allergic, so I started looking into getting a Sphinx because they M don’t have hair, and then I discovered this breed, which is also hypoallergenic. The fur is so short and curly that it doesn’t shed all over the place. He’s more like a monkey than a cat. He rides on my shoulders, sleeps with his arms around my neck, and lets me give him baths. Not that he needs them, I just think it’s fun to do it. He likes to bring me little presents, like rubber bands that he finds under the sofa. One night he hopped up into bed with me and dropped something in my armpit, batting it around excitedly. I was so high on pills I let him keep playing for a full ten minutes before I realized it was a live mouse. Supposedly Steven Spielberg has a bunch of Devons and they’re what he based the Mogwais from Gremlins and E.T. himself on. Marilyn Manson has a Devon Rex too. i

For more on the stately and friendly Devon Rex, try www.devonrex.com.

22 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY JOSH LYON PHOTO BY PATRICK MCMULLAN CATHOLIC 5 23 MOM’S CATS thirty minutes with her arms straight out, all the better to understand how Christ had felt on the cross. Pets were forbidden, so the girls would improvise. Insects and butterflies were caught and snuck into the dormitories in mason jars. These the nuns would invariably discover and flush down the toilet. On one BY STEVE LAFRENIERE occasion a girl who’d secretly nursed a wounded starling to health flung it out her second story window in an attempt to return it to flight. It plummeted, landing at the feet of a nun in the courtyard below. She y mother was eight years old when her own mother died. Owing to my grandfather’s history of shrieked and bashed it into the concrete with the butt of her umbrella. mental instability, she was placed in an orphanage for girls. This was a sprawling gothic institution When my mother was 16, she did a brave thing. By that time she had become a savvy leader of the Mon the outskirts of Evansville, Indiana. Like many orphanages before the war it was, in actuality, a opposition, practiced in low-level guerilla tactics against the higher-ups. Though these usually took the form workhouse. The girls who landed there found themselves indentured to a thriving laundry business run out of poo bombs or turning all the crucifixes in a classroom upside down, this time she went somewhat further. of the building’s basement. Arguing with a nun in a crowded hallway one morning, she made a grab for the wooden rosary around her I grew up hearing stories of the sclerotic nuns who managed the place. They clearly despised their waist and yanked as hard as she could. The nun crashed to the floor where she lay kicking her legs like an charges, and my mother, being a somewhat dreamy child, suffered regularly at their hands. Minor infractions upended turtle. At this my mother began to laugh so hysterically that three nuns eventually wrestled her to brought grim punishments, running the gamut from being forced to stand barefoot in dishpans of icy water the dispensary, where she was administered a sedative shot. to having warm castor oil poured down your throat. Once the Mother Superior made my mother pose for Coming to in her bed late that night, she quickly grasped the need for escape. This, she insists to this day,

24 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS BY MARY LAFRENIERE CATHOLIC 5 25 was accomplished merely by walking out the front door and slipping through the iron bars of the immense roccoco gates. “It wasn’t so hard. Everyone was sleeping.” A laundry bag was her luggage: a few changes of clothes, $42 she’d managed to squirrel away, and a pair of roller-skates. She walked all that night into town, located a Greyhound station as the sun was coming up, and boarded a bus for Chicago, where her older brother Charles was living. They had kept up a loyal correspondence over the preceding years of incarceration; he had himself only lately been released from a boys’ orphanage in Oak Park, Illinois. When she arrived the next day, Charles insisted that she move into his tiny studio above a Michigan Avenue el train platform. He was an amateur photographer and in his enthusiasm had turned most of the apartment into a darkroom. After a few nights of sleeping on the couch under a hulking Durst enlarger, my mother finally asked what it was. Charles drew the curtains and demonstrated with a box of negatives. This was by all accounts a galvanic event in my mother’s life. Within a couple of weeks she’d gotten through most of his manuals, and was borrowing his beloved Ensign box camera with a usurper’s sense of propriety. She found her first subjects at the Lincoln Park Zoo. After years of being forbidden them in the orphanage, non-human life forms held a fascination for her, especially those on four legs. She began making obsessive studies of the zebras, the wild chimpanzees, and the resident Bengal tiger, which she could shoot closely through the glass walls of the cat house. Egged on by Charles, she entered one of these shots in an amateur competition and won second prize. That was all the encouragement she needed. Landing a job as an assistant to a research opthalmologist, she had soon saved enough money to buy a camera of her own. I’ve heard countless times how that Rolleiflex was the dawning of her life’s passion. That my mother never pursued photography professionally has always baffled me. Hers is without a doubt the best amateur work I’ve seen. Like her idol Weegee, there’s a quality of both tenderness and cool reticence in her pictures that is nothing if not critical of most other ways of seeing. To me it is elegance of a sublime order, couched in a very American plainness. My mother loves cats the way most people love money—she hoards them. I remember at one point there were sixteen living in our house. Over the years she’s made hundreds of portraits of her cats, and these are among her most realized work. She is somehow able to breach the incomprehensibility of a cat’s gaze, eschewing its mystery in favor of something more interesting—its acting ability. These photographs comprise a succinct library of classical feline expression unrivaled elsewhere. I know, I’ve looked. i

26 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS BY MARY LAFRENIERE CATHOLIC 5 27 Southern Oregon, where I live on a peach orchard with Erich, mountain lions thrive. IN Their population has increased over the last decade, in part thanks to a ban on many forms of hunting that my environmentalist friends and I helped petition for in the early nineties. Signs of cougar activity make redneck ranchers in our area obsess about threats to their livestock, they want to kill all the wild cats. They fail to appreciate the glamour of sharing our neighborhood with graceful, bloodthirsty, gigantic felines. The truth is that despite their prevalence and size — mountain lions can reach 300 pounds — it’s very difficult to ever lay eyes on one. I have never seen one, and neither has Erich, though he spends most of his time in the mountains. He has returned through a snowy meadow in the wilderness and found new cougar tracks next to his own earlier boot prints. I think lions watch us all the time! Not interacting with them is a sorrow to Erich, who gets along with local black bears winningly. I think it’s just as well, personally. There is not yet a recorded case of a person being eaten by a mountain lion in Oregon, where they stay well- nutrified on deer, but cougars have devoured a jogger or two in California in recent memory and have been known to snack on pets and toddlers in Colorado. A neighbor here described peeking out her kitchen window to check on her five year old, playing alone in the backyard, and seeing an immense kitty-head watching the child from the trees, giant eyes flickering back and forth with the child’s every move, like a house cat watching a ball of yarn. A group of coyotes has lived in the wild brambles East of our house for years, but it was only last Spring that a mountain lion took over the brushy white-oak woods to the west. There were new half-devoured deer carcasses pulled into the trees every week, and one day we came home from a quick errand to find blood and entrails strewn across the front yard, where the lion had clearly brought down a deer and dragged it across the now flattened grass into the trees. Around the same time Erich had gathered some cedar boards to build an outdoor bed for us among the oak trees. We like to sleep outside in the summer, but I started questioning the wisdom of infringing on the cat’s space. What about Myrtle, our puppy, who always sleeps MOUNTAIN at the foot of our bed? Was she not just the right size and shape for a giant-kitty-treat? Erich dismissed my concerns, and carried on with the plans. One night, however, still sleeping inside, I dreamt that we had moved to our new bed in the trees and I was lying awake, LIONS looking at the stars through the crooked, mossy oak branches. I heard a noise and glanced down the hill. The lion was silhouetted in the moonlight, chasing a deer intently. They raced BY AMBER from my field of vision and I turned to Erich, to tell him, but he was deeply asleep. Suddenly I felt a hot presence nearby, and I became very still. From the corner of my eye I could see GAYLE the lion’s tail. I scrunched as imperceptibly as possible under the blankets, and through a tiny crack I watched the lion circle us, getting closer and closer until his fur brushed the comforter. I couldn’t move but gripped Erich’s arm tighter while he slept soundly on. Then I felt the lion’s giant paw, as big as my face, pressing down through the comforter onto my belly, pressing, pressing, until I awoke gasping. That was that. I announced to Erich before breakfast that I was absolutely positively not sleeping in the oaks and we moved the bed to the porch off the hay barn instead. I still haven’t seen a mountain lion, though they live with us and all around us. May they continue to thrive in the wild west forever. i

28 5 CATHOLIC DRAWING BY DAVID MILLER CATHOLIC 5 29 30 5 CATHOLIC DIPTYCH BY CHERYL DUNN COLLAGES BY LIZ BOUGATSOS AND BRIAN DEGRAW CATHOLIC 5 31 GEORGE THE CAT MAN BY ERIK ANTHONY

eter Sutherland is a photographer and filmmaker in New York. He’s making a documentary about this guy pictured here, whose name is George. George is 68 years old and a self-appointed animal rescuer. PHe will take in any cat, no matter how sick, deformed, or fucked up it is. He thinks all cats have the right to have at least one litter and the right to die on their own. He also looks out for birds, dogs, and squirrels. For the past 8 years, George shared a van on Forsyth Street with between 15 and 20 cats. Before that, George lived in an apartment on 14th Street with 114 cats. (My cat is small, and he’s about 30 inches with his tail. If all George’s cats in that apartment were even this size, we’re still talking about 3,420 inches of cat.) Recently, George hit a parking meter and got charged with DWI (he claims he wasn’t even drunk, and by the way George never even had a drink until he was 51). The van got taken away by the cops, then mysteriously caught on fire and now it’s gone. All the cats got sent to the Bark Shelter in Williamsburg, where they still are. George is now staying with his friend, who has 13 cats himself. Some of George’s cat names are: Baby, Red, Pink Panther, Little Horn, Pumpkins, King, Mo, Black Angel, Cleo, and Polo. George lives on junk food, fast food, and beer, and he gets government money because he was in the army in Korea. George says that his only reason for living is to take care of his cats. i

32 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS BY PETER SUTHERLAND CATHOLIC 5 33 34 5 CATHOLIC COLLAGE BY MATT KEEGAN PHOTO BY JEAN O’BRIEN CATHOLIC 5 35 36 5 CATHOLIC PAINTINGS OF NINO AND BASIL BY SCOTT LENHARDT CAT TOY BY IAN HUNDLEY CATHOLIC 5 37 PHOTO BY RYAN MCGINLEY

38 5 CATHOLIC 40 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS BY COLIN DELAND CATHOLIC 5 41 SOMETHING FOR TJ BY UNITED BAMBOO

his is TJ, the studio cat of New York-based fashion designers United Bamboo. TJ is a delicate male cat, and it’s hard to tell if being dressed up in women’s clothing has caused him any gender Tconfusion. It seems that he is really comfortable in his own skin. The last time we were visiting the CLOTHES AND PHOTOS United Bamboo studio, TJ was relaxed enough to let his tail dangle into a half-full ashtray without even BY UNITED BAMBOO caring. More cats should be as “who gives a fuck, it’s just a tail” as TJ. 5

42 5 CATHOLIC CATHOLIC 5 43 44 5 CATHOLIC DRAWING BY STEPHEN SPROTT PHOTO BY ISABEL ASHA PENZLIEN CATHOLIC 5 45 CATHOLIC: HOW LONG HAS CATS HAVING FUN love it. Some will end up shyer than others, but BEEN GOING ON? that’s due to their individual demeanor more than GREG: We’ve been doing cat rescue for about anything else. As people, we domesticated them. seven years now. We do a lot of adoptions and It’s our responsibility to take care of them. then we have a sanctuary where we house some of the older cats and the ones that aren’t WHAT VOLUME OF CATS DO YOU SEE AT THE adoptable. Some have medical problems, or SANCTUARY? they’re too afraid of people. It’s a lot easier to We have about 100 cats here on any given day. adopt out kittens, unfortunately. But during kitten season, we do a lot of adoptions.

WHEN’S KITTEN SEASON? THAT’S AN IS THE SANCTUARY RIGHT IN THE SST AWESOME PHRASE. OFFICES? It’s part of the same complex, but there are cats In the spring through the start of summer. That’s all over around here. We even have protected when the pound will often just kill kittens as soon patios built for the cats so they can get outside. as they get them in. Last year we adopted out about 75 kittens. They can go really quickly. IT’S STAGGERING HOW OUT OF CONTROL THERE’S ALWAYS AN UNCERTAINTY WITH CAT POPULATIONS HAVE GOTTEN. KITTENS. LIKE, WILL THIS CAT AND I HAVE Millions of them are killed every year. People will COMPLEMENTARY MOODS AS IT GROWS? take strays into the local pound, and most of the People tend to think if they adopt a kitten they time they’ll be euthanised because there just can train it to be a certain way, and that’s really aren’t enough homes. One thing that we’re not the case. I’ve spent so much time around cats getting very active in now are spay-neuter-and- of all ages, and I always suggest that people adopt release actions. We trap feral cats, get them an older cat if they want a cat that has a certain spayed and neutered, then let them back out into personality. You think you can mold a kitten into their colonies. That’s one thing that works being a certain way, or extrapolate from how towards solving a long-term kitten behaves what its demeanor THE CAT SANCTUARY problem. will be when it’s grown, but that’s a big mistake. You can’t mold kittens I THINK THERE’S ALSO A THAT PUNK BUILT that well — probably less than you MISCONCEPTION THAT CATS can people! WOULD BE HAPPIER LIVING IN GREG GINN IN CONVERSATION THE WILD. WITH AN OLDER CAT, YOU KNOW A lot of people think cats are fine WHAT THE DEAL IS. WITH JESSE PEARSON outdoors, but they really aren’t If somebody wants to find a certain meant for that. They are domestic demeanor in a cat, they’re much animals, made to live in homes. It’s really very better off getting one that’s at least a year old. Its ith his first band Black Flag, Greg Ginn basically invented hardcore punk rock. And with his dangerous for them outside, and their life identity is more established. Most people think infamously rigid work ethic, Ginn mastered the art of doing-everything-for-yourself. His life expectancy in the wild is very short. Plus, the life they should start with just a cute little kitten, and Wand work are blueprints for creating culture outside of the system. From the label he founded, of a feral cat is very painful and brutal — not only that’s fine, but I love the older cats. Especially SST Records, to their self-sufficient model of tirelessly touring the country in a van, playing shows any- because of the elements and cars, but also the feral cats and ones that have lived outdoors for a and-everywhere, Ginn and his compatriots laid down the template of getting shit done right-this-second diseases and parasites they’re subjected to out long time. When you do take them in, they’re so that countless punks and artists take for granted as gospel today. there. We get so many rescued cats that are in appreciative and they have this wisdom that’s Now, though still making music and running SST, Greg Ginn focuses much of his time on Cats Having terrible shape from parasites. hard to explain. It’s very enriching — for me Fun, the sanctuary he founded in his hometown of Long Beach, California. He brings his inspirational anyway — to spend time with cats like that. SO A FERAL CAT CAN BE SUCCESSFULLY dedication and humanity to a Herculean task there: chipping away, cat by cat, at the massive overpopu- DOMESTICATED? lation facing America’s felines. HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOME? Once they adapt to the indoors, they’re fine. They We call those personals. What I’ve ended up

46 5 CATHOLIC CATHOLIC 5 47 keeping are more cats that haven’t been up with cats, so we’re able to treat a lot of problems adoptable. I probably have seven or eight that I ourselves. We also get good discounts on foods, would consider my personal cats, but that’s really and we make a lot of cat food ourselves too. in flux. Like last kitten season we got a number of kittens that had been separated from their mom WHAT KIND OF FOODS DO YOU USE? and they had to be bottle-fed every two or three I used to make it more from scratch, but most of hours, so I’d be waking up all through the night our cats are now on a largely vegan diet. There’s and feeding them. a company in Minnesota called Evolution, and they make vegan cat and dog food. They’re at DO THEY IMPRINT ON YOU AS A petfoodshop.com. I use their food, and add a lot PARENT WHEN YOU BOTTLE- of supplements too. FEED KITTENS? I think they do, but the memory WHAT DO YOU ADD? MINERALS isn’t that long — just like with kids. AND STUFF? If you adopt them at a young Yeah, things like L-Lysine, enough age, they’ll just bond with L-Arganine, probiotic enzymes, the new parent. taurine powder…

WHERE’D THE NAME CATS DO YOU FOLLOW A VEGAN DIET HAVING FUN COME FROM? TOO? Well, they have a good time here Pretty much. But I eat a little bit and we wanted to emphasize the of fish, as do our cats. [laughs] positive aspect of it. Not only is it good for the cats when they’re SO WHY FISH? JUST BECAUSE IT’S adopted — it’s good for the people SO HEALTHY? too. Some recent studies have Just so there’s variety. A lot of shown that kids who grow up with people consider a vegan diet bad cats at a young age are resistant to for cats, but we aren’t particularly all kinds of allergies — not just advocating anything there — I allergies to cats. just like that we can keep their weight down. I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE ABSTAIN FROM ADOPTING IT SEEMS LIKE SUCH A LABOR BECAUSE THEY THINK IT WILL INTENSIVE MENU. BE A PAIN IN THE NECK. The diet is pretty complicated — Cats aren’t a lot of trouble at all. You we vary it a couple times each can have seven or eight cats and it week because that’s a good way to isn’t that much more work than prevent allergies. I also mix in having one. You just have the one litter box, parsley, fruit juices, and carrot juice. Then there’s and you feed them all at the same time. I this great stuff called Green Mush that we put in recommend people taking a lot of cats in. I there. It provides a lot of nutrients. mean, there’s something like 49 cats for every 1 person in the country. THIS MUST BE AN EXPENSIVE ENDEAVOR — ALL THE FOOD AND LITTER AND MEDICAL WHAT ABOUT VET BILLS? SUPPLIES. After doing this for so long, I’ve gotten really Whenever I think, “Well, I can’t afford that for the knowledgeable about a lot of the common sanctuary,” I find some other way I can cut back, parasites and medical problems that might come to live a little bit simpler myself. 5

48 5 CATHOLIC COLLAGE BY DAVID ARON CATHOLIC 5 49 S I R A P

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50 5 CATHOLIC COLLAGE BY PIA DEHNE “KING OF CATS” BY BALTHUS, 1935 CATHOLIC 5 51 porch and instead of actually helping, you teach them to call everyone “diaperface.” The adults play cards, yell, break each other’s hearts, tune you out. The neighborhood overlooks the downtown and there’s a halfway house across the park from your spot, and the area is exactly like Mardi Gras, in that everyday someone runs around nude (the kids), someone gets drunk (the delinquent), and someone takes pictures (the cops). There’s no beads, though. After a while, the delinquent moves on, things quiet down, and somewhere out of the woodwork strolls a rough-eared, gray tomcat that you all name Pierre. Why? He looks like a Pierre. And not a fey, wussy Pierre. But a Pierre from Marseilles. A Pierre who sticks a rusty knife in your mom’s guts and twists. Why? Pierre: “‘Cause she’s a dumbshit.” Pierre’s a little brick. Just a little gray muscle. Like something from the comics. The adult comics. All he’s missing is a little grease-penciled mustache. And his gray coat is the texture of Cutlass Supreme seat fabric. The ugliest looking cat in the world. Not even feral, or wild, or unusual, just seriously blue collar. Looks like he’s a foreman on a construction site. And you know what Pierre likes to do? Pierre likes to do this little stealth stroll down the street and quietly hop up onto the little half-wall of your front porch and start licking his shoulder. Pierre might have shown up ten times and done things on your porch. What kinds of things? Whatever he wanted. No one knew and no one cared. But the first time you really notice him, you think how nice. We have a little buddy for our cat. In retrospect, your own house cat was probably way on top of this before you. But once you take notice, your cat senses something truly interesting is going on and starts pawing at the door, so you let it out and your cat—who is just getting used to its living quarters—exercises no caution, even though Pierre has made a home out there. You swing the door open, your cat shuffles out and you don’t pay any attention. You look for a second and, through the screen, you make out nothing unusual. A purr. A breeze. A car in the distance. The summer dying. A very light padding of cat feet (or not). And then, after about forty-five seconds of relative silence, you hear it. A loud “rrrrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaar.” Claws scrambling across the wood. A saliva-filled hiss. A thud COLLEGE CAT on the door. You run to the screen and your cat is sitting there, wanting badly to come back in. Pierre is gone. BY JEFF JOHNSON Over the next few weeks, your cat is hesitant to go outside. It checks for Pierre. If there is no visible evidence of Pierre, the cat will go outside and frolic. If your cat spots Pierre, it will not go outside. It will nest in a curtain or on a towel in the bathroom. It will act like ou live in a rambling three-bedroom house with two roommates. You’re all college it didn’t even want to go out in the first place. dummies. One of your roommates owns a cat. You don’t like cats, but this one is Your cat: “What are you pushing on the door handle for? You thought I wanted to go Y very young, so you give it a chance. It’s your cat. You’ll call it your cat, for a while. outside? I didn’t want to go outside. I never go outside. There’s nothing to do outside. I The house is nice, and it’s in a so-called tough section of town so it only runs you about think I’ll just go upstairs and look out the window. Maybe you could get me a pair of $500 a month total. It has everything, including an old wooden, open-air, front porch with slippers? Why don’t you step away from the goddamn door? Quit pushing on the handle. a little half-wall around it that people can sit on. It’s usually peaceful. That’s it.” Sure, it’s situated in a tough neighborhood, but in this town, that means nothing. It You look outside, and sure enough Pierre’s on the little half-wall of the porch again, only means that a delinquent you knew from camp (who turned out bad after kids put his licking himself, getting some sunshine. Pretending you don’t even live there. Knowing you Merlin in his sleeping bag and pissed on it) screws a woman (is there an acronym for the don’t have shit to say. And if you do? Bring it on fucker. opposite of MILF) next door who has two young daughters by two different guys who’ve Pierre: “Exactly. Bring it the fuck on. I live for this shit.” long since bailed. The girls are probably learning disabled and they visit you on your After a week or so, your cat gets sick of staying inside. It is summer. It manages to

52 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY BLAISE MCDARIS CATHOLIC 5 53 summon the courage to try the outdoors again. Your cat trots out the door and sits on the goddamn half-wall itself. Does some licking, does some sunning. Minds its own business. Occasionally, Pierre will show up again. It’s kind of random. When Pierre does show up, maybe your cat and Pierre will sit together on the little half-wall. You all monitor this. You know Pierre is a tough-ass. So, when they are sitting together quietly one day, someone will walk by the window, take notice. They whisper, “You gotta come see this.” And everyone in the house will quietly drop what they’re doing and you’ll all tiptoe quietly to the window. Your cat and Pierre will be just sitting there. Together. Facing each other. Having a stare down. Again, you hear your own TV in the background, you hear a breeze, you hear a lawnmower three blocks over. You see the two cats. Staring. Maybe one of their tails is lilting back and forth at a speed of one mile per hour. Maybe one of them wrinkles its nose. You’re standing behind your roommates. You’re all looking out the window. You start to say, “Hey, they’re actually getting —” Your roommate slaps you in the belly. You pipe down. This moment doesn’t need analysis. Maybe later, at a bar or over dinner, it will be brought up. The cats stare. And then, slowly, one of them will raise a paw, and the paw will be swatting in mid-air, at nothing, like a lone arm reaching down the basement stairs, struggling to find a light switch. It’s like the cat’s arm is guided by a marionette that has Parkinson’s. And after a few jagged wafts of this arm, the other cat clumsily raises its arm and in less than fifteen seconds, one of the cat’s arms connects with the other cat’s face, and then, very, very briefly, the two cats resemble two spiffy La Cage Aux Folles type fellows, aging waiters, really, in a brief spat, slapping at one another rapidly until one of them retreats. It’s like a game of chicken. Your roommates and you don’t even laugh. You’re blown away. This happens a few times. A couple times your cat has to howl at Pierre to just quit it and leave and go the fuck home so it can be safely let in the house because it is freaked out. When you let your cat in, it motors. It bolts under a chair or up the stairs or somewhere far, far away from the half-wall. Once or twice, though, you notice that your cat sends Pierre away, then reassumes its position on the little half-wall, its tail slowly That’s crazy. I just wanted to hang out. I don’t even know how this all started.” lilting back and forth like nothing happened. Your cat is pissed. You’re to the point where, fuck it, you’re feeling sorry for Pierre. You start to admire your cat. Your cat is starting to figure a few things out. Your cat is Shit, Pierre used to sort of scare you when you’d go outside. Now Pierre doesn’t even livid. Your cat is howling. come around much anymore. Where does he even live anyway? Probably nowhere nice. Your cat: “Well? What the shit? I have the guts to put up my own dukes on my own Probably doesn’t get much to eat ever. When no one lived here, he probably came up onto porch. It is my fucking porch, right? I mean, this is my house. Okay, our house. I get it. You the porch to get out of the rain. Get some peace and quiet. In fact, yes, you’ve seen him pay the rent. But anyway, I’m trying to be friends with this Pierre fucker and I am starting hiding from the rain on your porch. With an old Twix wrapper. Licking at a dried-out to feel a bit wronged. Why is P-fucking-ierre taunting and challenging me every day? Did Nyquil cap. Minding his own business. I ask for this? No.” Fall comes. You see Pierre twice maybe. Snow falls: No Pierre. Spring rolls around, You: “Okay. You are right. Just cool it for a second.” the rain comes. You see Pierre. He’s soggy, five pounds lighter. Tail is crooked. He Within the next few meetings, your cat is definitely kicking Pierre’s ass all over the doesn’t even try to look at your porch. Doesn’t want to know if you’ve moved. Has other yard. They chase each other. Pierre runs away. You’re starting to think Pierre likes this. shit going on. Likes the beating. Likes the attention. Likes the crowd. And after a while, you’re starting Your cat sees him, too. Your cat jumps on the back of a sofa. Pierre is shivering under to see Pierre not want to even fight so much, but just hang out. Pierre just wants to get a bench across the street. Working on an old cheeseburger wrapper. Your cat is purring. back on that half-wall like in the old days. Your cat isn’t having it. Pacing in the windowsill. Its back is arched. Its ass is shaking. Pierre: “Did you think I was fucking with you? Sorry. Jeez, I never wanted to fight. Your cat: “Now let’s talk about those slippers, bitch.” 5

54 5 CATHOLIC DRAWING BY BLAISE MCDARIS CATHOLIC 5 55 56 5 CATHOLIC DRAWING BY KEMBRA PFAHLER PHOTO BY TERRY RICHARDSON CATHOLIC 5 57 THE TAXIDERMY ART OF WALTER POTTER BY SAM JENKINS

he best taxidermist who ever lived was Potter obtained many kittens from neighbor- Walter Potter, an Englishman born in ing farms where, due to population explosions, T1835. A native of Sussex, Potter specialized a common practice was to allow only one kitten in grand tableau, usually featuring many from each litter to live. individuals of one species in a scene of On the above left is “The Kitten everyday human life. For example, an Wedding.” Completed in the late early work entitled “The Guinea Pigs’ 1890s, this is Potter’s last large scale Cricket Match” depicts over 20 fine tableau. Potter passed away in 1918 specimens engaged in a bit of sport. (after having suffered a stroke at the Walter Potter truly shined when his onset of The Great War). After his medium was embalmed cats. On the death, his work passed through his bottom left of the facing page, please daughter Minnie to his grandson, observe a detail from Mr. Potters’ “The Walter Collins. Kittens’ Tea and Croquet Party,” From the 1980s until quite recently, completed in the late 1870s. This piece the entire Potter collection was on view features 37 kittens enjoying a social afternoon at The Jamaica Inn, Bolventor, Cornwall. Each depicted in details as fine as mouse tarts on the piece was auctioned on September 23 and 24 table. Each kitten’s pose expertly implies the of 2003 to make way for further inn accom- insouciance of the leisure class at leisure. modations. i

58 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS STOLEN FROM THE INTERNET A CASE OF CURIOSITIES BY CORMAC CHASE

hat’s next in art? Now that Henry Darger’s illustrated fables and Down’s Syndrome people in music videos have been rendered harmless and milquetoast by the art establishment, what can Wbe the next faddish creative expression that emanates suddenly from an unexpected locale? Amateur grave robbing? Modern rainbow capturing? Hair sculpture? Wrong, wrong, and wrong. The next huge trend to be co-opted by stinking academies and morgue-ish art museums will be Outsider Taxidermy. Trust us. The DaVinci of the alternative home taxidermy scene will be the elusive proprietor of the website acaseofcuriosities.com, where the strangest handmade crafts you’ll ever witness in your entire life can be found. Of particular interest to Catholic is the piece pictured above, which is based on Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. It features taxidermied kittens who “were the sad victims of an emergency pregnancy spay which saved the mother's life.” I contacted the artist, was met with friendly suspicion (I could ask her some questions if I didn’t intend to “bash” her work), and then a gulf of silence in response to emailed queries. Regardless, I think she is today’s Walter Potter (he’s a hero of hers). I’m even considering donating my cat’s body to her workshop when he passes away. i

60 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS STOLEN FROM THE INTERNET PHOTOS BY TERENCE KOH CATHOLIC 5 61 62 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY PETER STANGLMAYR PHOTO BY TINA HEJTMANEK CATHOLIC 5 63 64 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY GLYNNIS MCDARIS DRAWING BY BRIAN DEGRAW CATHOLIC 5 65 Ten Cats

Twenty Cats

66 5 CATHOLIC FABRIC BY WENDY MULLIN PHOTOS BY ROSALIE KNOX CATHOLIC 5 67 DOWN AT THE CAT SHOW

PHOTOGRAPHER KATE LACEY: These were taken at the CFA/IAMS Cat Show New York at Madison Square Garden, October 10 & 11, 2004.

CATHOLIC: WHAT’S CFA STAND FOR? Um, it’s the Cat Fanciers’ Association CORNISH REX AMERICAN CURL COLORPOINT SHORT HAIR Hahaha, that’s a good one. I’m not kidding.

Oh. Even better. Were the owners into having their cats photographed, or were they protective? Most everyone was into it, but the personalities of the cats pretty much reflected that of the owners. The nervous, skittish people had the cats that jumped off the set to escape, and the cool people seemed to have the cats that got in front of the camera and posed.

What was your favorite cat? It’s hard to say, but I liked the Bombays. They’re all black cats with huge orange eyes. i PERSIAN EGYPTIAN MAU BOMBAY

SPHYNX JAPANESE BOBTAIL CALICO BIRMAN SOMALI

68 5 CATHOLIC PHOTOS BY KATE LACEY CATHOLIC 5 69 WHITE PERSIAN

MAINE COON

SHORT HAIRED MANX

70 5 CATHOLIC HEALTHY CATS NOW! Stop Settling for Ralston-Purina

on’t forget that you can make almost any kind of food you want for your cats. It isn’t like they will explode if you don’t give them the same dry nuggets of boredom everyday. DCats benefit from healthy, diverse, and well-planned diets just as much as humans do. And herbal supplements can address a cat’s specific problems in miraculous ways. Here’s a recipe and some herbal advice…

BERT’S FOOD HERBS FOR 1 package (about 1.5 lbs) raw lean ground turkey FELINES — 1 cup finely chopped organic parsley (or any other leafy green) 1 cup cooked millet (or other grain, rice or quinoa work fine) A BEGINNER’S 1/4 cup brewers yeast GUIDE 1/4 cup finely chopped kelp 2 tablespoons olive oil BURDOCK ROOT 1 clove crushed garlic A food herb. Use either the root 1 egg (cooked like a carrot) or the extract. dash of salt It is high in organic iron and vitamin C; it is alkalizing and soothing to Mix everything together. stomach and intestines. The tea and Cover a cutting board or cooked root are used as a blood cookie sheet with waxed purifier for skin and liver conditions paper. Form the raw-meat and are often included in diets for mixture into balls cancer, hepatitis, and bowel approximately the size of diseases. 2-tablespoons. Place them CALENDULA in rows on the waxed paper. A food herb. Used as an external Freeze for a few hours. When they’re hard, put them in a good wash, the tea made from this herb freezer bag or Tupperware for storage. Then, each evening, take promotes incredibly fast healing of out 2-4 balls, depending on your kitty’s size, and put them in the cuts, abrasions, and burns. fridge to defrost for the next day. You can alternate these with dry food in the morning, but try to put some supplements in your CARAWAY store-bought food, OK? [See the Greg Ginn interview on page 46 A food herb. Caraway seed tea aids for some advice on supplements—Eds.] digestion and is sued as a remedy for flatulence. (Cat farts are the STACY WAKEFIELD worst.)

OCICAT 72 5 CATHOLIC CATHOLIC 5 73 MYRRH A medicinal herb. Valued for its soothing and healing properties. The following formula will soothe and reduce swelling and redness of gums:

MOUTH WASH Mix together: 1/4 cup spring/distilled water 1/8 teaspoon salt 3 drops tincture of myrrh Apply liberally once a day to gums with cotton swab.

SLIPPERY ELM A food herb. The powdered bark made into a syrup is very soothing for any inflammation or irritation in the digestive tract. It is widely used for diarrhea, ulcers, and vomiting.

SLIPPERY ELM SYRUP put 1/2 cup cold water and 1 tsp powdered slippery elm in small saucepan. Whip with a fork. Bring to simmer over low flame, stirring constantly. Simmer 1 or 2 CARROT EYEBRIGHT minutes or until slightly A food herb. Like burdock root, A medicinal herb. The tea is used as thickened. Cool and refrigerate. carrot is considered good for the an eyewash to soothe red itching Keeps 7–8 days. intestines. Raw grated carrot is eyes. sometimes used in the treatment of Adding the powder to the diet will GOLDEN SEAL ROOT roundworm. Alkalizing and high in also sooth stomach and intestines. A medicinal herb. The tea of golden potassium, it is excellent for use in My cat Lola has Irritable Bowel seal provides a general tonic for all diets for arthritis, heart disease, Syndrome and vomited after every mucus membranes. It is a natural and other low-salt diets. The seeds meal for ages. The doctor antibiotic, antiseptic, and fungicide. can be made into tea that is diuretic prescribed steroids, antacids, and It soothes inflammation and kills and tends to eliminate flatulence. cortisone indefinitely (these drugs germs, viruses, and fungus in eyes, have extremely bad side effects in ECHINACEA nose, throat, ears, or any mucous long term use). I started adding A medicinal herb. An antiseptic membrane and is used to treat yeast slippery elm to her diet and she antifungal herb, the extract or infection. The elixir made from never pukes anymore. I never even tincture can be painted on golden seal is used by holistic give her the medicine she was ringworm to try it up. The tea, veterinarians to treat kidney prescribed. taken internally, reduces fever, problems and as an alternative to purifies the blood, and is widely corticosteroids. The extract or JANE O’BRIEN used in cases of boils, abscesses, tincture can be painted on (with respect to the work of Anitra Frazier) and circulatory diseases. ringworm to dry it up.

74 5 CATHOLIC PAINTING BY THORDIS ADALSTEINSDOTTIR DRAWINGS BY JIM DRAIN CATHOLIC 5 75 A LITTLE TALK WITH ARTIST JIM KREWSON

Just so you all know, when that little red tab in front of this sculpture is squeezed, it unleashes a series of blood chilling howls and then vibrates so hard it shakes itself off the table. You have to grab it so it won’t fall.

JIM, WHAT’S THIS THING MADE OF? Mostly papier mache over a chicken wire base. The skin is brown paint mixed with cow’s blood. The voice was from a shitty toy I found in a thrift store, as was the motor that makes it flip out. HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO MAKE IT? Probably a week once the idea popped into my head. But I had to keep replac- ing the little fingers as they fell off, which went on for about another week. WHAT SHOULD WE NAME IT? I have a friend who kept calling it “she,” which I don’t get. It’s a man cat. She even wanted to make a see-thru gown for it. I was calling it “Walter” because I love it when people name their pets boring people names. The Butthole Surfers had a dog named “Mark Farner” after the guy from Grand Funk Railroad. CAN YOU IMITATE ITS HOWLS? Sure. WEEEEER WEEER WEEEEEER MEEEER MEER WEEER! MEEER MEEEER WEEEER WEEEER! WILL IT EVER DIE? I hope not. I have no children and want it to inherit all my riches and gold! IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY? BECAUSE I SLEPT WITH IT IN THE SAME ROOM ONCE AND I HAD TO PUT A T-SHIRT OVER IT BECAUSE IT WAS FREAKING ME OUT SO BAD. Great! No, it’s only supposed to bring a smile to your face and warm your heart. Lots of my art seems to have that same scary/gross out effect on people, which is honestly unintentional. What’s really strange is that my Mom loved it and wanted to help build it! i

76 5 CATHOLIC SCULPTURE BY JIM KREWSON DRAWING BY ASHLEY MACOMBER CATHOLIC 5 77 78 5 CATHOLIC NECKLACE BY MENDED VEIL STOLE BY JEREMY SCOTT CATHOLIC 5 79 80 5 CATHOLIC DRAWING BY AUGUST VISCO DRAWING BY PIETER SCHOOLWERTH CATHOLIC 5 81 PHOTO BY GABRIEL OROZCO

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84 5 CATHOLIC PAINTING BY ALLISON EDGE VIDEO STILLS BY BRUCE NAUMAN CATHOLIC 5 85 86 5 CATHOLIC PAINTING BY SABRINA MANSOURI PAINTING BY SADIE LASKA CATHOLIC 5 87 [RIGHT] REX Lucky Star Deli on Eldridge St. 3 months Enjoys eating flies for the time being — there are lots of fish products at Lucky Star.

[BELOW] MR LEE Hung Wah Deli on Canal St. 4 months Likes to sit on top of beverage coolers.

[ABOVE] LEONE Angela’s Deli on 1st Ave. 4 years Knocks over shampoo and other products from beauty supply shop.

[RIGHT] PATCH Maxie’s Deli on Allen St. 8 months Spends most of his time outside

88 5 CATHOLIC DELI CATS OF NYC BY GLYNNIS MCDARIS CATHOLIC 5 89 GOOD CAT NAMES BAD CAT NAMES

James Jimmy Cocksucker Pooky Skitz Miss Kitty Mr. Zipper Sam Darby Tom Sailor Salami Emotion Nermal Quincy Phil Loverboy Laplover Tigger Trevor

90 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY SHAWN MORTENSEN POLAROID BY DASH SNOW CATHOLIC 5 91 92 5 CATHOLIC “THE BURIAL” BY JUDY RIFKA PAINTINGS BY JUDY RIFKA CATHOLIC 5 93 94 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY ASHLEY THAYER DRAWING BY NAOMI FISHER CATHOLIC 5 95 96 5 CATHOLIC STUFFED TOYS BY GELATIN CATHOLIC 5 97 98 5 CATHOLIC T-SHIRTS BY WOWCH CATHOLIC 5 99 100 5 CATHOLIC LETTER TO NICK ZINNER FROM JIM DAVIS CATHOLIC 5 101 CATS IN REVIEW Send a photo of your cat for review to xx?

What a douchebag. This young, all they do is sleep and shit. We’d like to put him in stasis until he learns how to interact with others.

Completely solid and no frills, and worth every penny. He had a little bit of an overactive rough-play thing going on, but we can chalk that up to adolescence. This is almost 100% a great lap cat in two years.

A classic longhair with tabby markings, with the added benefit of looking unkempt and wild. Better to push a dirty yet pretty cat like this on your neighbors rather than taking her on yourself. That way, you can slum it whenever you want without having to wake up to her unwashed demands every day.

He was the perfect pound find. He is not only pure Siamese, but he fetches like a dog and has that innate sense for when his owner is bummed out (at which point he jumps up on his lap and makes him feel better with all-around good buddy vibes). Possibly the best cat in this issue.

102 5 CATHOLIC COLLAGE BY HISHAM BHAROOCHA CATHOLIC 5 103 CATS IN REVIEW

A cat of the south who insists on carrying himself like a Frenchman due to his ridiculous moustache. His swagger puts the Tom in Tomcat, but we cant say much for his relations with humans. A handsome jerk.

The feline equivalent of bleu cheese: slightly repugnant, yet somehow cultured. It makes you feel better about yourself to have this cat around, because you get the sense that he knows he is your superior. Pros: you won’t get bored, your friends will be impressed, and when he is affectionate you feel like the sun is shining just for you. Cons: living on the dark side of the moon when he’s in a pissy mood, resenting the fact that a cat is controlling your life. On the whole though, he is worth it — especially if you’re extremely lonely.

I had a cat that looked just like this, it used to play on a wheel in a plastic thing and then it fell behind my radiator and died.

These cats were cute! Ralph couldnt stop licking Mosel. It started as a simple bath and ended up a full on sensual massage. We weren’t able to glean any character traits other than loving and hot. They might be too into each other to make good pets.

104 5 CATHOLIC PHOTO BY TIM BARBER CATHOLIC 5 105 106 5 CATHOLIC COLLAGE BY JESS HOLZWORTH “TOUCHING” BY ADAM STENNETT CATHOLIC 5 107 108 5 CATHOLIC STILLS FROM ANIMATION BY DEVIN FLYNN PHOTOS BY GAVIN MC INNES CATHOLIC 5 109 110 5 CATHOLIC DRAWING BY ALEJANDRO CARDENAS