The Stress Special Feeling Overwhelmed? You Are Not Alone

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH NOV 2020 | £4

The stress special Feeling overwhelmed? You are not alone. We've got you covered

WORK WOES | RELATIONSHIP HURDLES | HEALTH CONCERNS

Take care of you The stats might say one in four, but let’s be realistic – it’s rare for anyone to go through life without ever feeling stressed at some point.

And with everything that’s happened If you’re reading this, feeling like there in 2020 so far, anxiety seems to be, are so many thoughts flying around understandably, at an all time high. your head that you can’t cope, or the We’re trying to live in a world with amount on your plate is impossible to rules we’re not accustomed to, with deal with right now, we’re here for you. fears and uncertainties that can make And we feel it, too. us feel so small and powerless. The thing we can’t emphasise enough But we’re here to tell you that is you’re not alone. We hope these when it all feels too much, you can pages hold some valuable insight to reclaim control. help you through this, and make the stress a little more manageable. In this special issue, we’re looking at the key areas in life that contribute Country singer Gary Allen said: “Every to that feeling of overwhelm, to offer storm runs out of rain.” When you’re expert advice and essential ideas on feeling overwhelmed, and can’t see how to overcome it. beyond the grey clouds, know that it won’t last forever. Brighter days From our feature on p20 revealing are coming. W | happiful.com the signs of anxiety you might have missed, to tips on getting over your ex F | happifulhq (adios!), ideas to make saving money a breeze, and recipes to soothe and send T | @happifulhq you to sleep, less stress could be just one article away. REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine Health 14 What is surge capacity? Are your emotional energy reserves drying up?

18 In it for the long run Learn how to come to terms with a long-term condition

20 Anxiety uncovered 12 surprising symptoms you might not be aware of

48 Dreamy dishes Try the recipes that promote sleep

83 A matter of memory What is transient global amnesia, and who can it affect?

De-stress 27 SOS skincare Work Discover a self-care routine that 44 When it’s all gone wrong leaves you glowing and rested Cap catastrophic thinking 5080

37 Emily: taking control 54 Building a business As she quietened her inner-critic, The Mum Bub Hub founders her anxiety followed suit on the secrets to their success

47 Soothing sensory tips 78 Make your voice heard How to speak up in meetings Culture 53 Check-in on No.1 8 In the news This month’s uplifting stories 76 Potter away problems The wellness trend you’re Finance 13 The wellbeing wrap probably already doing 32 Cash concerns Our expert answers your 24 Gabrielle Bernstein questions about financial stress What drives the best-selling motivational speaker? Fitness 43 Rainy day funds 57 Stefanie Williams Simple money-saving tips 34 What’s on in November The fitness guru on empowering women and life with endometriosis 64 Home sweet home 63 Open book Ditch the renters’ shame and Sit back, relax, and get stuck 72 Yoga for everybody make a mark on your home into the latest good reads 27

78 Emotions 40 Tackle temper Accept, control, and curb anger Expert review Every issue of Happiful is 69 Lui: holistic healing reviewed by an accredited How crystals helped one man counsellor, to ensure we through personal challenges deliver the highest quality content while handling 80 When is it time to stop? topics sensitively. Spot the signs of an unhealthy Stress inevitably impacts us relationship with alcohol all in some* shape or form. It’s a natural part of being 87 Sam: make a change human to feel stressed, Since overcoming his own however, the impact it can addiction, Sam now helps others have on each of us is unique. This issue provides excellent insight into how stress can affect our lives. With anxiety Relationships increasing across the nation, 16 Pandemic pregnancies the simple tips for spotting the signs and symptoms of Our columnist reflects on the anxiety on p20 will no doubt challenges she’s faced so far be helpful. The more aware we are of what might be 31 Listen with empathy impacting our wellbeing, the greater ability we have to act 50 The big break and get the support we both How to move on when a need, and deserve. relationship comes to an end RAV SEKHON BA MA MBACP (Accred) 60 Caring or controlling? Rav is a counsellor Spot the signs of abuse and psychotherapist with more than 10 years' experience. 76 90 Give yourself a break Our team EDITORIAL Rebecca Thair | Editor One undeniable truth is that finding the right help for each Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer individual is a journey – what works for one of us will be Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant different for someone else. But don't feel disheartened if you Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls |Senior Writers haven't found your path yet. Our Happiful family can help you Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer on your way. Bringing together various arms of support, each of Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer our sister sites focuses on a different method of nourishing your Grace Victory | Columnist wellbeing – from counselling, to hypnotherapy, Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships nutrition, coaching, and holistic therapy. Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

Expert Panel ART & DESIGN Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue Rosan Magar | Illustrator

COMMUNICATIONS Alice Greedus | PR Officer CLAIRE GOODWIN-FEE MICHAELLA MAZZONI [email protected] PG Dip Int Counselling MBACP DipCNM mBANT CNHC CONTRIBUTORS Claire is a Michaella is a Caroline Butterwick, Katie Conibear, psychotherapist, and nutritional therapist, Lydia Smith, Kamalyn Kaur, Donna Noble, founder of Frontline19. supporting gut health. Emily Green, Lui Krieg, Sam Church

SPECIAL THANKS Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Esther Emanuel, Claire Goodwin-Fee, Philip Karahassan, Ros Knowles, PHILIP KARAHASSAN ROS KNOWLES Dr Dean Burnett, Michaella Mazzoni, Barbara Bates MSc, MBACP MBPsS NLP AfSFH CNHC MANAGEMENT Philip is an established Ros is a solution- Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder counsellor and focused clinical Emma White | Director & Co-Founder psychologist. hypnotherapist. Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

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HAPPIFUL FAMILY Helping you find the help you need. RACHEL COFFEY ESTHER EMANUEL Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, BA MA NLP Mstr MA. MUKCP, MBSCH Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource, Therapy Directory Rachel is a life coach Esther is a clinical encouraging hypnotherapist and confidence. psychotherapist. Find help Reader offer

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HAPPIFUL.COM | £4 HAPPIFUL.COM 9 772514 373000 happiful.com. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered WORK WOES | RELATIONSHIP HURDLES | HEALTH CONCERNS by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and Prices and benefits are correct at the registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT Cover artwork time of printing. Offer expires 16 November number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside 2020. For full terms and conditions, by Charlotte Reynell Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL. please visit happiful.com KIDS Parents create card game to celebrate diversity Cards on the table – we need to do more to increase diversity and representation in children’s toys. And that’s exactly what mother-and-father team Alexa and Arhat Virdi decided to do, after their young daughter was given a pack of princess- themed ‘snap’ cards. Alexa and Arhat were concerned about the effect that the white-centred game would have on their daughter, a child of multi-heritage – so they came up with an alternative. Working with artist David Tshabalala to make a kid’s game that runs a little deeper, ‘Super Sapiens’ is a deck of cards featuring 12 inspiring women from around the world, and can be played as snap, a memory test, or a ‘super guess’ game. “Growing up in the 80s, there were almost no books or toys with brown characters, and it definitely made me feel like I was the ‘weird one’,” says Arhat. “Representative products ensure that children do not have the seeds of self-doubt sown in them at a young age.” But as well as increasing visibility, Arhat and Alexa had children’s mental wellbeing in mind when they created the deck – including a blank card for children to draw their own self-portrait to add to the game. “We want to encourage kids to look Photography | Philippa James within themselves for validation,” says Alexa, “and to learn to unconditionally love themselves just because they are themselves.” The Uplift Empowering, engaging, and expressive? Sounds like a full house. ‘Super Sapiens’ is available from Etsy.com Writing | Kathryn Wheeler SOCIETY ‘Swapping bodies’ could help open your mind As strange as it might sound, we’re not talking cult classic Freaky Friday or 17 Again scenarios. According to the latest research, virtually spending time in someone else’s body could alter our sense of self, and even our memories, thanks to a fascinating link between the physical and TECHNOLOGY psychological. Using virtual reality headsets, Futuristic conversations boost care 33 pairs of friends made the virtual jump into the other’s body. home residents’ mental health Following the short experiment, participants revealed they felt Robots bring the benefits of a friendly chat more like their friends, rather than themselves – going on to display We all benefit from a coffee and have spoken with, to use in future their friend’s characteristics catch-up from time to time, but conversations. Lead author of in areas such as confidence, getting our diaries to line up with the study, Dr Chris Papadopolos, cheerfulness, and talkativeness. friends can be a struggle. So what said that robots could eventually According to neuroscientist if we didn’t need to rely on other make a real difference for those Pawel Tacikowski, these results humans to get our social fix? in residential care. could have interesting practical According to a new study from “This study is ground-breaking implications. “People who the University of Bedfordshire, because it is the largest ever experience depression often those days could be closer than investigation into the use of have rigid, negative beliefs about we think. autonomous social robots for themselves that can be devastating As part of a new trial using older adults in care settings,” he to everyday functioning. If you robots in care homes, results explains. “Poor mental health change this illusion slightly, it could have shown that those who spoke and loneliness are significant potentially make those beliefs less regularly with robots, over a health concerns. We have rigid and negative,” he explains. two week period, have seen a demonstrated that robots can While there’s still plenty more significant improvement in their help alleviate these.” research to be done to fully mental health. Of course, nothing beats a understand and investigate These ‘culturally competent’ catch-up with a loved one. But links between the physical and robots can hold conversations this research highlights how psychological, these early results on topics ranging from history technology is finding ways to suggest there really is a lot to learn to religion, as well as retaining support our mental health, and from stepping into others’ shoes.

Image | University of Bedfordshire | University Image information about those that they helping us feel more connected. Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

happiful.com | 9

WORK Nice guys don’t always finish last

Has anyone ever told you that you’re ‘too nice’? Perhaps that it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there? Well, you now officially have permission to roll your eyes, because research says that’s far from true. Tracking the career success of ‘disagreeable’ people, a paper published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that, regardless of the individual or context, disagreeableness doesn’t give people an advantage in the competition for power. While some selfish so-and-sos do reach high positions at work, they don’t get there any quicker than others – and any power boost they do get from intimidating others is offset by poor interpersonal relationships, the researchers found. Co-author of the study, Professor Cameron Anderson, shared his advice to managers: “Pay attention to agreeableness as an important qualification for positions of power and leadership. Prior research is clear: agreeable people in power produce better outcomes.” So by all means, set boundaries at work and stand up for yourself, but remain compassionate. Pull others up with you as you climb and, when you reach the top, smile sweetly at those who doubted you. Writing | Kat Nicholls

happiful.com | 11 PutTake those thinking caps on,5 and carve out some quiet time to solve this month’s puzzling fun… How did you do? Search Spot the difference 'freebies' at Explore these visuals of the great outdoors, shop.happiful.com and think outside the box to uncover the to find the answers, seven differences between them. and more!

Anagrams Unscramble the following letters to reveal the secret words. Hint: things to help you de-stress

Stars Bells Luna Jog In Atone Timid Hat Ebb Bulb Rice Exes Sculpt Deed Nag Kilt Alienist Soles The

Rocketman wellbeingwrap Giving visual proof to the fact that first responders are Sir David Forgive & connect SOME PEOPLE ARE superheroes, jet pack suits are being Attenborough The Global Forgiveness USING THEIR EXTRA tested by paramedics in the Lake has joined Initiative charity has TIME AT HOME IN District! The impressive piece of kit Instagram! Need means that response times to help we say more? seen a huge spike in LOCKDOWN TO GET someone in the fells drops downloads of its ADVENTUROUS IN THE resources, and visitors from 25 minutes to just BEDROOM. BDSM IS 90 seconds. to its site – a tenfold THE BIGGEST TREND, Puppy increase in a year! TRIED BY 84% OF love It seems that while BRITS IN A SURVEY The bond between people and lockdown may have BY SHOWERSTOYOU. their pets is hard to match. And Adidas launches separated us physically, if you needed any more reason Toy Story CO.UK, AND IS emotionally we are to give in to those puppy eyes, a trainers inspired SEARCHED 135K TIMES reconnecting, and finding study by Canine Cottages recently by Woody and EACH MONTH! the gang – with ways to move forward. revealed that dogs really do love us ‘Andy’ on the sole! back. Following a social experiment Sadly, they’re only LOVE IS IN THE AIR in kids’ sizes... using heart rate tracking collars, it Weddings might have limited numbers at the found that our furry friends’ heart moment, but it only takes two to tango! And a rates increase by 46% when their new poll by OnBuy.com has revealed the best first dance songs for a happy marriage –with Elton owner says ‘I love you’, and when John’s ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight’ as the top we cuddle, it decreases choice. Of course, the music of love is far more by 26% thanks to feeling Tel Aviv to start about the person you’re dancing with than the comfortable and relaxed. constructing an song - but a good rhythm won’t hurt! electric road that charges Two words, eight letters public buses as Sweet dreams are made of these One positive that’s come out they travel Ever wondered what your dreams mean? Luxury Bed of the past few months seems Co revealed that, in recent times, the most frequent to be how much more we dreams include houses, with 165,000 searches a appreciate things in our lives. month. It’s believed homes can be a representation of In fact, Brits are saying thank ourselves, with rooms symbolising aspects of our life you 14 times each day, which and emotions. With 135,000 monthly searches each adds up to an incredible 98 Lindt has opened are snakes, which can represent healing, and teeth times a week! The survey a Willy Wonka- falling out, which might signify stress and anxiety. by One4all Gift Cards also style chocolate found that 32% of us better museum and ELWOOD, A A pizza good news... understand the impact of tour! Where’s my An 89-year-old pizza golden ticket? TABBY CAT FROM showing our appreciation. MELBOURNE, delivery driver from Utah, In fact, beyond just those AUSTRALIA, HAS BEEN USA, recently received a magic words, 33% of us are GIVEN THE TITLE OF $12,000 tip! Derlin Newey using compliments to show was given the money after Luna Jog In ‘HEAD OF SECURITY’ our thanks, 23% share a hug AT A LOCAL HOSPITAL, a regular customer turned (when social distancing isn’t Hat Ebb Bulb A dad has raised AFTER SPENDING SO out to have a big TikTok in place), and 17% of us give £6,000 for MUCH TIME HANGING following, and asked for a gift. But however you show charity by cycling Sculpt Deed OUTSIDE. HE SOUNDS donations. Hopefully it starts 200 miles on his it, the important thing is to let daughter’s bike LIKE THE PUUURFECT a domino-effect of someone know how you feel. Alienist Soles CANDIDATE. acts of kindness. What is surge capacity?

In times of crisis, we all have reservoirs of emotional energy that we can call into action, to help us cope with the initial challenges. But what happens when those reserves start to dry up?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar

ave you ever Ann Masten, psychologist, Esther Emanuel, who notes how, considered how, professor of child development, as humans, we all have these when faced and expert in resilience at resources that enable us to live with immense the University of Minnesota. from moment to moment for a Hdifficulties, we can often Capturing our initial response to short period of time, if we need to. surprise ourselves crises, this innate ability saw a “Our surge capacities vary with our response? lot of us through the first steps of from person to person,” explains Seemingly out of lockdown. Esther. “How and when we nowhere, we find the Cast your mind back to March replenish our capacity varies too, emotional strength this year. Did you find yourself and this is an important point to needed to deal with the surprisingly energised? Perhaps note, especially when comparing task at hand. We’re able to open to some of the changes that ourselves with others. It is our function to a higher capacity, came into place, finding new emotional surge capacity that and might even feel energised ways to connect with loved ones, determines how long we can to face whatever challenge lays and keeping yourself busy? Or carry on in a crisis before we ahead of us. It might be in the maybe you simply carried on are depleted.” wake of a natural disaster, or in a relatively normal way, able ‘Depleted’ – that’s the key word perhaps when a loved one is to keep your head above the here. Because an emotional unwell or struggling – and right water without too much trouble. surge capacity, like a resource now, there’s one glaringly obvious, That could well have been your capacity, is there to uniting challenge that people surge capacity kicking into play help us deal with the around the globe are all tackling, – working overtime while you short-term effects and that’s the Covid-19 pandemic. navigated this strange and trying of an emergency. Often used to describe the ways new reality. None of us needs that hospitals are able to deal with The ability to tune-in to an a reminder of emergencies in the short-term, innate reservoir of energy is how long we’ve surge capacity was first applied to something that resonates with been dealing with our emotional range by Professor psychotherapist and counsellor this pandemic,

14 | happiful.com stress special : health

How to take care of yourself through sustained challenges

Esther says…

Ease yourself into each new day: Wake up early, walk softly and slowly, make yourself a drink. Pay attention to yourself and how you’re feeling.

Take time to check-in with yourself: Do this at least once a week so as to be aware of how you feel, and to determine what it is you need – more rest, solitude, or leisure activities.

Give yourself what you need: Be gentle on yourself. Play some soothing music. Take a with uncertainty about when it As Esther learned, it is possible bath or shower, and be aware will end – but it’s safe to say that to replenish your surge capacity, of how the water feels against any reserves we did have saved, and this will likely be in the form your skin. Practise self-care. may be starting to run low after of self-care, and really taking the months of work. time to consider the things that Live in the moment: Practise A depletion in your surge we’re feeling. But something that living as if this moment is all capacity might resemble similar is also key in addressing depleted that you have. Also, learn to feelings to burnout, as Esther surge capacity is acceptance. let go of your worries or cares recalls while reflecting on her We can’t always be ploughing for extended periods of time. own journey. forward at full capacity – and Just be. “I’ve experienced a depletion that goes for ‘normal’ times as of emotional surge capacity much as it does the uncertain personally, but not specifically ones. And while many of us during this pandemic,” says will have been able to call upon Esther. “As I remember, I felt energy reserves so far, if you’re irritable, tired, struggled to be starting to run low, or you’ve coherent, had a loss of motivation already hit the bottom, accept or drive, and the feeling that I you’ve reached your limit, and just needed to sleep – and for a understand that wherever that long time. But these times have limit may be for you, it’s OK. Esther Emanuel is a psychotherapist helped me in gaining awareness Take time for you, respect your and counsellor. Find out of myself and learning how to boundaries, listen to your body, more by heading to manage my emotional stress.” and replenish your mind. counselling-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | 15 Experiencing pregnancy during a pandemic... with Grace Being a first-time parent is full of new and uncertain experiences, and in these unprecedented times the pregnancy journey is entering even more unfamiliar territory, with fresh challenges

’m pregnant! I am actually Nevertheless, we are more And then, the hospital pregnant, and I am buzzing than half way now, and the appointments and baby scans Iwith excitement. Just saying the initial disbelief and excitement went into my diary along with a words out loud blows my mind – still remains. I am in awe of very important note of: “You will yes, this is really happening! my body and how capable it have to attend this scan alone All my life I’ve dreamed of is, I am unbelievably grateful due to our hospital’s Covid-19 motherhood, and even more so to be pregnant, healthy, and rules and regulations.” Suddenly since meeting my partner, Lee. I experiencing this entire process, the excitement we felt together, knew he would eventually become and I’m incredibly excited to give and the milestones we would the father of my children and now, birth (seriously!), and welcome our be reaching, were going to be BAM, there is life inside of me. baby boy to the world. taken away from us. Every day I wake up and am so However, while I feel so In every scan and appointment, thankful that I’m growing our baby empowered and confident about Lee has been told to wait outside. boy. In the past few weeks I’ve felt pregnancy and labour, I would Hospitals make me anxious at his first tiny kicks. They’re so light be lying if I said there haven’t the best of times, but even more and fleeting, but every few days been times that I’ve felt low. But so when I am being examined when I feel him move, it is the these low moments, and feelings or spoken to about pregnancy most amazing feeling. of sadness or doubt, aren’t and labour. It’s daunting, and I We found out on 1 July that we specifically about pregnancy, but view this as our pregnancy – his were expecting, and it’s been more to do with pregnancy during opinion and feelings matter in a whirlwind ever since. My a pandemic. this experience too, but it seems early symptoms were tiredness, Lockdown came with its own set like nobody’s acknowledging that. cravings for egg mayo sandwiches, of emotions and feelings for us When our baby boy is wriggling chin breakouts, and stretch pain. all. Individually, I felt OK with it, around on the screen, Lee misses Photography | Alex Cameron I also felt like I was constantly but I worried for other people – that – which makes us both feel jet lagged, so seeing the positive especially friends and family. This sad – so every now and then we pregnancy test made sense. I pandemic is unlike anything we’ve pay for scans at a private clinic. finally knew why I felt off for so ever faced, and with a growing lack Those scans are our saving long, and could barely muster the of faith in our government, I’ve grace, but what about those energy to run a glass of water, let really empathised with the anxiety expecting parents who can’t alone work and socialise. and stress felt through society. afford to pay for private scans, or @GRACEFVICTORY

I am in awe of my body and how capable it is

believe this treatment is rooted in sexism, patriarchal views, and misogyny – pregnancy is viewed as not as important. Being pregnant in a pandemic isn’t easy, but I am trying to remain positive. I understand these are unprecedented times, but I don’t think that is a reason for the current maternity rules and regulations, and resulting lack of support expecting parents are experiencing. There is a life growing inside of me, and I am over the moon that I am in the position I am, but that doesn’t take away the fact that two people made this baby, and yet one of them is constantly excluded. Big love to all who are pregnant during this pandemic – especially who don’t have access to a clinic affected like this, with little-to-no first-time mothers like myself, close to them? This pandemic explanation. who may feel the impact more affects everyone, and I can’t help There is now a petition, heavily. May all of us have happy but think it hits lower income #butnotmaternity, raising and healthy pregnancies and families, and less privileged awareness of the difficulties faced births, and get the support we people, the hardest. by those on a pregnancy journey, rightfully deserve. I feel angry and frustrated that and highlighting the fact that If you haven’t signed the pubs, gyms, and schools are other activities allow multiple #butnotmaternity petition on open, but an extra person – often people to be present. Pregnant change.org yet, please do! the other parent – is excluded, people can work at hospitals, and not allowed to support their and we can travel abroad, but partner through appointments. a partner/friend/relative of an I do wonder why maternity expecting mother is not allowed Love and antenatal care is being in appointments or scans. I truly Grace x Coming to terms with a long-term condition

Whether you have a mental health condition, chronic illness, or other disability, living with a long-term condition can be hard, especially in a world that often feels so inaccessible. From someone who has been there themselves, follow these tips to help you process your emotions, whatever they may be...

Writing | Caroline Butterwick Illustrating | Rosan Magar

was born with a visual and so there will be a sense of 3. Decide how you want to impairment, but coming to loss, fear, or grief for our ‘normal’ talk about your situation terms with its effect on my world, and perhaps also for what It’s your choice how you talk life wasn’t straight-forward. we thought our lives would look about your disability or health IThen, as a teenager, I began to like,” Claire says. “Taking time condition, and you shouldn’t experience mental health issues. I to process this and to be aware feel forced to share your story was uncertain and worried, and at of how we are feeling is just as with everyone if you’re not times felt like I was the only person important as our own physical comfortable doing so. going through these things even response.” If you do decide to have though, according to the disability conversations about your charity Scope, there are 14.1 2. Connect with others condition, Claire recommends million disabled people in the UK. Meeting other disabled people that you let others know what Whether you’re struggling with has helped me feel less alone you would like from them, the shock of a new diagnosis, or with my experiences. There’s but also what you don’t want, are trying to make sense of an often a sense of solidarity through or find unhelpful. You can illness you’ve always lived with, sharing stories – from frustration do this in person, or put your here are some tips for coming to at the inaccessible coffee shop in thoughts in an email, text, or terms with a long-term condition. town, to talking about how we’ve letter. Claire suggests trying managed issues such as disclosing to use ‘I’ statements in this 1. Acknowledge your disability at work. conversation, so as not to emotional response Counsellor Claire recommends alienate anyone, and to own It’s completely normal to feel connecting with others as a way your feelings. For example, you a mix of emotions about your of normalising and understanding could say, “I feel uncomfortable situation, especially if you’re our feelings. Whether it’s a when X happens, and instead, going through something new support group with people who I would prefer Y.” You are and unknown. Counsellor Claire may share your health condition, communicating your thoughts Goodwin-Fee explains why we or something more informal, and feelings, and setting may feel this way. these connections can help boundaries in a way that will “Illness and disability are things us to explore our feelings in a feel positive and constructive for that are often not of our choosing, supportive environment. both you and your loved ones.

18 | happiful.com stress special : health

It’s completely normal to feel a mix of emotions about your situation, especially if you’re going through something new and unknown

4. Understand your rights education, can help you make Claire suggests the following as a disabled person your case. It has taken me creative exercise: go online In the UK, you are classed as some time to get used to asking and find a list of emotional disabled under the Equality Act for support, but now it comes descriptive words, then write 2010 “if you have a physical or naturally and makes things much these on pieces of paper, stones, mental impairment that has easier. Find out more by heading bottle tops, shells – whatever a substantial and long-term to citizensadvice.org.uk you’re drawn to – and place them negative effect on your ability to in a bowl. Pick one at random, do normal daily activities”. This 5. Use creative activities to and ask yourself if or how this means you have a level of legal make sense of your experience word relates to what’s happening protection. As a writer, I’m naturally drawn for you now. Of course, as many disabled to activities like journaling, Sometimes, just finding the people know, unfortunately, this poetry, and freewriting about my right words, whether in a doesn’t stop all discrimination experience. Creative approaches personal poem or when talking to or make everything accessible can help us make sense of our a friend, can help us make sense to everyone. But knowing your situation, and see the journeys of our experiences, and come rights, such as for reasonable we’ve been on or the challenges to terms with what we are going adjustments at work or in we’ve faced. through.

happiful.com | 19 12 things you didn’t know could be symptoms of anxiety

Anxiety can affect us in so many different ways, and being able to spot the signs can help you to address it before it becomes overwhelming. How many of these symptoms did you know about?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

ccording to the NHS, For some of us, specific activities generalised anxiety can be anxiety-inducing, such as disorder (GAD) affects speaking in front of a crowd or up to 5% of the UK attending a doctor’s appointment, Apopulation, and is defined as a or waves of anxiety might fall consistent or recurring feeling of over us as we go through a unease, worry, or fear. particularly stressful time. But beyond the statistics, we The thing with anxiety is that it can all experience anxiety at can creep up on us, sometimes points throughout our lives, in deceiving ways. So how can and with the current pandemic you spot it when it does? Here, and uncertainty in the world, it we share 12 things you may not might be affecting certain people have known could be symptoms perhaps for the first time. of anxiety.

20 | happiful.com stress special : health

1. Difficulty concentrating Do you ever struggle to get your mind to settle on the task at hand? Or find it difficult to block out distractions? Challenges to your concentration are a common symptom of anxiety. It could be that you’re tackling constant intrusive thoughts – perhaps worries about whatever it is that may be troubling you – or maybe your mind feels clogged. When we’re struggling with anxiety, our bodies go into fight-or-flight mode, meaning that we’re on high alert. All that considered, it’s no wonder that our minds go into overdrive, too.

ANXIETY AFFECTS MORE THAN 8 MILLION PEOPLE IN THE UK

2. Shame spirals A family member you haven’t seen in a while leaves a comment on a photo you uploaded to Facebook, saying that they miss you. Do you: a) send them a message to find a date you can get together; or b) feel guilty that you haven’t seen them, declare yourself a selfish and thoughtless person, dwell on this all day, and replay the interaction over and over in your mind late into the night? Sound familiar? It’s called a shame spiral, and it can be a sign of underlying anxieties. >>>

happiful.com | 21 For more advice and support with anxiety, download our free Happiful app

Every night in the UK, 22% of people have trouble falling asleep

3. Chills Chills are an incredibly common, yet rarely spoken about, symptom of anxiety. When our body goes into fight- or-flight mode, this brings about a rapid change in our body 6. Being over-controlling temperature, which can result Do you struggle to give up in us feeling ‘chills’. Chills can control when working on a also be accompanied by an project? Or perhaps if you’re increase in our sweat response arranging a meet-up with – a cold sweat – which all comes friends, you need to know every from the adrenaline that’s detail of the plans? flowing through our bodies as Anxiety can make you fear our anxiety levels rise. being out of control, and so overseeing every detail can help you feel more relaxed about challenging situations. Of 4. Heart palpitations 5. Trouble sleeping course, controlling behaviour You’ve heard of the phrase, ‘My Every night in the UK, 22% can be unpleasant for others heart skipped a beat.’ This is of people have trouble and – in the worst-case what an anxiety-induced heart falling asleep, and it would scenarios – even abusive. If palpitation can feel like. It can be a fair guess to say that you struggle to give up control also describe a racing heartbeat, many of those cases could and this is affecting your or simply an unusual awareness be related to anxiety. In the relationships, it may be a good of your heartbeat – all of which same way that intrusive idea to speak to a professional. are triggered by your panic thoughts can prevent us from response. That said, if you are concentrating during the day, experiencing regular heart an anxious mind can keep us WOMEN ARE palpitations, it’s worth checking up at night. Does this sound TWICE AS LIKELY in with your GP, just to be familiar? Check out our assured you don’t have any other recipes to help you drift off TO BE DIAGNOSED underlying problems. on p48. WITH ANXIETY

22 | happiful.com stress special : health

Anxiety conditions include 11. Never saying no We all feel compelled to - generalised anxiety - panic disorder say yes to things that we’d disorder - work-related stress rather not do every now - mixed depression & anxiety - health anxiety and then – whether out of - trichotillomania - dermatillomania politeness or a sense of - social anxiety - body dysmorphia duty. But chronic people- pleasing could stem from a place of anxiety as you 7. Skin flair-ups 9. Procrastination feel worried about letting If you already live with a skin Procrastination is when we others down, or have a fear condition like acne, psoriasis, continuously put off a job or of feeling out of control. or eczema, anxiety can cause task that we know needs to these to flair up through be done. When it comes to an periods of stress. This is due anxious mind, it’s easy to see 12. Nausea and stomach pain to the relationship between how worries about something Feeling sick, stomach our stress response and may lead us to avoid it – but cramps, constipation, gas, our hormones. Hormones sometimes that’s not always and bloating – the gut-brain stimulate our skin glands and obvious. If you’re finding that connection is a complex, and hair follicles, which is why we you keep on putting a task off, delicate system. Connected might start to see pre-existing work backwards and consider via neurotransmitters, what’s skin conditions worsen why this might be. going on in our minds can through difficult times. directly affect our gut. Perhaps you could try a more You might have digestive mindful skincare routine – problems when experiencing 10. Perfectionism head over to p27 for our tips. high levels of stress, or maybe Essentially, this one you feel nauseous before a big can be pinned down to interview. Beyond that, when overthinking. Perhaps we’re already anxious we may 8. Irritability you worry that the things have gut symptoms – or we you produce will never be Returning to how anxiety eat different things – which good enough, or you’re can put us into fight-or-flight can then fuel our anxiety, anxious about meeting mode, we may find that trapping us in a cycle. we’re less able to control our other people’s expectations. temper, or don’t respond You may find that you to stressful or irritating constantly nit-pick at your For many people, anxiety comes situations in our normal work, going over it again and goes throughout their lives. manner when we’re in ‘fight’ and again to make sure For some, professional support mode. You may find that there is nothing that could may be needed, and for others you’re a bit more prickly, be perceived as wrong the key to coping is in the daily that you lash out at other about it. Of course, not all activities to help manage it, and people, or you might find perfectionism stems from in being able to spot the signs that you have overreacted anxiety, but this could and respond. to a situation that normally be one subtle way that it If you’re struggling with anxiety, wouldn’t bother you. intrudes into your daily life. visit anxietyuk.org.uk or call their helpline on 03444 775 774.

happiful.com | 23 stress special : culture

Gabrielle The journey ‘Spirit Junkie: A 52-Card Deck’ by Gabrielle Bernstein (Hay House Bernstein to happiness Publishers, £17.99)

As a New York Times’ best-selling author and hit motivational speaker, who better to catch up with than Gabrielle Bernstein to uncover where her motivation comes from, and why now is the time to make a change?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

Hi Gabby! When did your own own ways. Fear is a projection Why do you think there is search for happiness begin? on to the future, a regret from such a huge appetite for self- At the age of 15, I experienced the past, and the inability to be improvement at the moment? my rst bout of depression. My present in the moment. Through Now more than ever, people are search for happiness began when devoted spiritual practices, and looking for hope and faith. Given I asked my mother to teach me commitment to personal growth, the circumstances of this time, we to meditate, so that I could help one can undo the belief systems have two choices. We can numb myself get out of the depression – of fear, and become new. This out and stay stuck in negative and it worked! all begins with the willingness to coping patterns, or we can wake see things di erently. up and heal. Many people have What did you learn about heard the call to heal and grow, in Fear is a projection on yourself on that journey? I Why do you believe it’s order to survive and thrive. The to the future, a regret always say that I’ve been on a important to acknowledge world has hit a collective bottom, from the past, and the journey of unlearning fear, and that peace and happiness can and the way out is to turn inward remembering who I truly am. In come and go? We can never for healing and strength. inability to be present the process of unlearning, I have expect to be happy all the time. in the moment become more happy and free. I teach people to focus on What is it that drives you to want their ‘comeback rate’. Rather to help others? I have lived in the You talk about the importance than having high expectations pursuit of my own freedom and their own spiritual relationship We never stop learning. What’s What would you like of overcoming fear. How did you of perpetual happiness, we happiness. Knowing the relief so that they, too, can embrace a something you’ve learned readers to take from your get past it? Fear is a pervasive must instead use spiritual and of what it feels like to recover new baseline for happiness. recently? I’m deep in research ‘Spiritual Junkie’ card deck? condition that drives most of our personal growth practices to from trauma, addiction, fear, and mode. I’m writing a book on I want people to accept decisions and behaviours. We ‘comeback’ fast. Release the need su ering, is the greatest gi I’ve How do you feel when you see trauma recovery, therefore that they have the power to have unique reasons for being to feel happy all of the time, and received. It is my responsibility people who follow your advice I’m researching neuroscience, change their experiences by fearful, based on experiences then focus on your ‘comeback to share that gi with the world. thriving? I’m so proud of them! countless therapeutic practices, changing their inner belief

from our past, so we react in our rate’ instead. I want to help people crack open | Chloe Crespi Photography The feeling is pride! and post-traumatic stress disorder. systems.

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24-25_gabby_bernstein.indd 24 07/10/2020 14:08 24-25_gabby_bernstein.indd 25 07/10/2020 14:08 stress special : culture

Gabrielle The journey ‘Spirit Junkie: A 52-Card Deck’ by Gabrielle Bernstein (Hay House Bernstein to happiness Publishers, £17.99)

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

24 | happiful.com happiful.com | 25

24-25_gabby_bernstein.indd 24 07/10/2020 14:08 24-25_gabby_bernstein.indd 25 07/10/2020 14:08 Photography | Anthony Tran

Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary“ to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself HERMANN HESSE 26 | happiful.com stress special : de-stress Photography | Anthony Tran

Mindful skincare

With everything 2020 has thrown at us so far, it’s not surprising that stress might be taking a toll on our skin, so it’s time to show ourselves some TLC. Here’s how you can reap the benefits of mindfulness in your skincare routine

Writing | Becky Wright

e can all benefit from and trying out new exercise face masks can be problematic for adding a little more classes, will have had a massive our complexions. Anything that W mindfulness to our impact on our skin.” sits on the skin has the potential to day-to-day lives. But, particularly Aileen notes that all of these block your pores, which can lead at the moment, when we might factors can create new skin issues, to breakouts and irritation. be feeling the effects of months from dryness and dehydration, Katerina Constantinou, in lockdown (the pandemic has through to redness and sensitivity. clinical nurse and trainer at taken its toll, hasn’t it?), there’s no Constant worry and stress can theskinexperts.co.uk says: “For our better time to provide some relief also have our skin behaving very safety, we must wear our masks, for your mind and skin. differently from normal. sometimes for long periods, so Aileen Rafferty, clinic owner make sure you cleanse the skin and head of education at Skincare in an well, morning and night, to keep theskinexperts.co.uk says: “Our age of face masks the pores clear. skin has not functioned under “Many of us have also had to get “Keep your mask clean, so it is normal circumstances during used to wearing a mask, sometimes not transferring bacteria, and Within you, there is a stillness months of lockdown. Being at for several hours at a time, and this ensure you use a good hydrating home more, extreme hot spells will continue to be the norm as we product to keep the skin supple. of weather, sitting in front of return to daily life,” says Aileen. Also, whenever it is safe to do so, and a sanctuary“ to which you can our devices for hours, diets that Although they are vital for take the mask off and let the air retreat at any time and be yourself consist of more home baking, limiting the spread of Covid-19, get to the skin.” >>> HERMANN HESSE happiful.com | 27 How does mindfulness apply to skincare? Much like other terms used in relation to skincare – natural, clean, and balanced to name a few – mindfulness can mean different things to each of us. In terms of looking after our skin, mindfulness is commonly associated with:

• Cruelty-free or vegan skincare. • Packaging with eco-friendly or reusable materials. • Skincare made from natural or plant-based products. • Products made from minimal ingredients. • Incorporating tools or techniques into your regime, such as face yoga, or using a jade roller for facial massage. • Taking time to enjoy a slower- paced skincare routine, rather than rushing the process. • Understanding how certain factors can affect your skin – from the foods you eat, to your hormones and menstrual cycle. • Noticing how your skin looks and changes, and adapting your regime with suitable products.

Whether you identify with some or all of the points above, the most important factor is the focus on the present moment. It’s about caring for yourself in the here and now. So, you really can be mindful with your skincare, regardless of budget, time, or skin type.

28 | happiful.com stress special : de-stress

Our skin has not functioned under normal circumstances during lockdown. Being at home more, sitting in front of our devices for hours, more home baking, and trying out new exercise classes, will have had a massive impact on our skin

What can we do to combat you know the benefits of their But remember, you don’t need stressed-out skin? ingredients? expensive products (or lots of Here we’ll explore some simple If you’re suffering from angry, products) in order to be mindful. ways to incorporate a more sore skin, or are experiencing You can start by simply taking mindful approach to taking care ‘maskne’ (blemishes as a result more time and care with the of your skin. These tips will help of wearing a face mask), Aileen products you’re already using. you to feel calm and rejuvenated, Rafferty suggests looking for and can also help to soothe any anti-inflammatory ingredients. Breathe it out (and inhale skin issues you may have. These can help to repair and the aromas) strengthen skin. As you make your way through Take your time your routine, keep checking in Not only can your skin benefit The following ingredients can be with your breath. For a simple from waiting for each product to a good place to start: breathing exercise, you can try absorb and dry before moving breathing in for four counts, on to the next one, but slowing • Aloe vera: contains hold for four counts, breathe out your routine down is also great antioxidants, enzymes, for four counts, and then hold for your mind. As you apply each and vitamins that cleanse, again for four counts. product, try to focus on what you revitalise, and calm skin. As you do this, notice the are doing. Notice how it smells, scents of your skincare products pay attention to the packaging, • Avocado oil: highly and enjoy the benefits of the consistency, how it feels on moisturising, and contains fatty their aromas. Deeply inhaling your skin. acids that build healthy cell can help to create a sense of Even if you’re short of time, you membranes for a glowy and relaxation and serenity. can allow yourself just a couple plump complexion. Certain scents can also help of minutes to tune out external us to achieve particular moods. noise, and focus on you. • Vitamin C: the perfect If you know some basics of treatment for keeping skin aromatherapy, you may be Take notice of the bouncy and rejuvenated, with familiar with the energising products you’re using astringent properties that benefits of citrus scents. So, you Do you pay much attention to will keep skin tight and help may want to choose skincare the labels on your products? Do prevent wrinkling. products enriched with vitamin >>>

happiful.com | 29 ‘Pay attention to the different consistencies of your products, notice how they feel in your hands or on your face’

C for your morning routine, which often have orangey aromas. This can have a wonderful energising effect, to set you up nicely for the day. Equally, you may choose lavender-scented products for your evening skincare routine. Known for helping us to relax and drift off, lavender is a favourite plant extract for many. Lavender has a host of other and whether they change you clench your jaw when benefits too, including aiding consistency when mixed with stressed, furrow your brow, skin recovery, and boosting water. Notice how your skin or experience pain around blood circulation. feels under your fingertips. your temples from headaches. When you reach the final Gently release this tension Take notice of texture product in your skincare as you massage, showing Touch is another great way routine, really pay attention to kindness to these points on to embrace mindfulness. your skin as you massage it in. your face. Pay attention to the different Feel the curves and contours of consistencies of your products, your face with your fingers. Take For more information on skincare notice how they feel in a moment to focus on areas that and mindfulness, check out your hands or on your face, feel tense or tender. Perhaps articles on our free Happiful app.

30 | happiful.com stress special : relationships

HOW TO LISTEN WITH EMPATHY

Be patient. Allow them to speak in Keep questions open. Avoid their own time. disputing facts for now, and instead concentrate on how they feel. You Create a safe space to speak. Even could ask questions such as: “How if you don’t agree with what they say, did you feel when that happened?” show that you’ve understood – nod, or use phrases such as “I see” or “I When summarising their thoughts understand”. and feelings, be sure not to interrupt – try to find a natural pause so as to Be a mirror. Show you’ve heard them not disturb their flow. by repeating back their thoughts or feelings. Remember that you’re not here to offer solutions– instead, make sure Pay attention to body language. Try the speaker feels free to talk openly, to keep comfortable eye contact, use and without judgement. They need attentive gestures and expressions. to feel heard right now. Ask the experts

Life coach Barbara Bates answers your questions on financial stress

Read more about Barbara Bates on lifecoach-directory.org.uk

I’m feeling there’s a problem. Your next This might feel hard at first, really stressed step is to take a deep breath but there are lots of ways to about my and see exactly where you are do this, including a notebook Q – you need to know the facts, and pen, budgeting apps, or finances and have no what’s coming in, and what’s even a spreadsheet. You might clue where to start. going out. want some help with this so What first step can I Set aside a couple of hours maybe ask a trusted friend, take to get a handle and have a treat ready for when or you can contact Citizens’ on them? you’ve finished. Gather your Advice for practical help, statements and unpaid bills, especially if you have problem Congratulations, you’ve and make a list of your monthly debts. The first step is the most A already taken your first commitments, alongside a list of important, and you have just step by acknowledging that what you know is coming in. taken it!

The pandemic overwhelmingly positive. But on your finances. Knowledge is has impacted my one way to help with this is to power here! Q finances, and I’m concentrate on what you can Another idea is not getting finding it hard to stay control. hung up on money as ‘a thing’. You can’t control if you’re Money has no power in itself. positive. How can I keep made redundant, or have no It only has meaning because a healthy mindset when customers due to Covid-19, for we as a society agree on its it comes to money? example, but you do have some significance. You can look at it choice in what you do next – as a form of energy and, like all The pandemic has some people have moved their energy, it flows. You can affect A been difficult for businesses online for instance. In that flow with everything you almost everybody, so it’s not these uncertain times, it’s even do – so, focus on the bits you surprising that you don’t feel more important to keep an eye do have the power to control.

Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need stress special : finance

I’ve never been good with Q money but really want to start saving. Every time I go to make a plan, however, I clam up – how can I move past this mental block?

If you really want to start A saving, it sounds like you’re better with money than you think, so give yourself credit – no pun intended! Our relationship with money can be very emotional, and tied up with feelings of scarcity, loss, and fear. These are powerful emotions and might feel overwhelming, so that could be why you ‘clam up’ and feel stuck. One way to start getting past this is to make a list of all the benefits of having some savings, and really feel the positive emotions that come Top tips for those struggling with Recommended sources with that. This is more helpful financial stress: than frightening yourself with • Citizens Advice – also advises scenarios of doom, because this • Don’t suffer in silence – get help on other issues than finance. fear switches off your thinking from an advisor or a coach. • Money Saving Expert with brain. You can also start a • Deal with it in small chunks of Martin Lewis – has a regular savings account that doesn’t let time, don’t try to fix everything newsletter for all matters you draw from it for a period at once. financial. of time – as long as you know • Control the things you can do • Money Advice Service – set up you have left enough for daily something about. by the government. expenses. HAPPIFUL TOP 10 November Rest, relax, and recharge. Make time for meditation, pick up a book to brighten your day, and marvel at the world around you

PUT ON A SHOW LEND US YOUR EARS Meditation With our brains ‘How Do You Cope?’ constantly in overdrive, it can be We all have different hard3 to carve out 15 minutes to ways of coping through stressful find some quiet. Setting aside times, and there’s a lot we can time to meditate allows us to learn4 from one another. Radio enjoy a sense of calm. If you presenters and comedians, Elis struggle to switch off, a guided James and John Robins, talk to meditation can help give you guests about the challenges they’ve faced in their own lives, PAGE-TURNERS something positive to focus on. Try our 10-minute loving- to help remind us we are not 1Kind Words for Unkind Days alone in our struggles. kindness meditation on YouTube. Written by Jayne Hardy, (Search ‘Happiful’ on (Listen to the podcast on founder and CEO of The Blurt youtube.com) iTunes and Spotify) Foundation, this book is a practical pick-me- up for life’s tough days. Filled with advice and encouragement to help you find brightness in the darkest of times, Kind Words for Unkind Days will help you feel happier, healthier, and PLUGGED-IN calmer. Liz and Mollie (Out 12 Nov, Orion 5 Spring, £12.99) Friends, and authors of No Hard Feelings, Liz Fosslien and Mollie West OUT AND ABOUT Duffy, explore the ups Beautiful birds and downs of emotions at work. Birdwatching can be a great way to connect with nature, and Their illustrations are a gentle you don’t need to go further than2 your own garden – or even just reminder to be kind to yourself looking out of your window! Leave the distractions behind, find a through the challenges of your quiet spot and stay very still. Note down the birds you can spot, and professional life. learn more about them with the help of the RSPB bird identifier. (Follow @lizandmollie (Visit rspb.org.uk to find out more) on Instagram)

34 | happiful.com TECH TIP-OFFS THE CONVERSATION Breathwrk International Stress Awareness Week Breathing exercises can be a With the uncertainty this year has brought, powerful tool to help alleviate stress. stress has affected us more than ever. The Breathwrk6 allows you to select the areas theme of this year’s Stress Awareness Week is managing you want to focus on, from reducing stress and mental health in the age of Covid-19. It’s time to anxiety, to falling asleep. The app walks 9highlight the problems stress can bring, and share insights you through your recommended breathing from around the world. exercises, and sends you daily reminders (2–6 November, visit isma.org.uk) to practise your breathing. (Download from the App Store)

SQUARE EYES GET GOING Our Planet Move your body If you’re looking to switch Dancing to music from a happy off after a stressful day, time10 and place in your life can help what better way than to listen to you wave your worries goodbye. If the soothing voice of Sir David you need some inspiration to get Attenborough7 as you marvel at the you started, dancer Jessie Diaz- natural beauty of the world. Our Planet Herrera shares uplifting body positive reminds us all that we are a part of workouts you can follow while you something bigger than ourselves, and shimmy your stresses away. we have a duty to protect it. (Search ‘Curves With Moves’ (Available on Netflix) on youtube.com)

TREAT YOURSELF Scentered De-stress Therapy Balm 8Essential oils are used in aromatherapy to help encourage rest and relaxation. The WIN! Scentered De-stress Therapy Balm is blended with chamomile, neroli, and mandarin. Perfect to carry in your bag and use throughout the day to stay calm and in control. (£14.50, shop online at scentered.me)

Win a Scentered De-stress Therapy Balm For your chance to win, simply email [email protected] with your answer to the following question: What essential oil is most popular for aiding sleep? a) Lavender b) Eucalyptus c) Peppermint

*Competition closes 19 November. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!

happiful.com | 35 Photography | Adam Lemieux

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet“ I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars OG MANDINO 36 | happiful.com stress special : de-stress

Finding confidence with anxiety

Panic attacks and anxiety dictated Emily’s life, causing her to withdraw from the world around her. But when she Photography | Adam Lemieux learnt to control her inner critic, everything changed, and she found the power in her own voice

Writing | Emily Green

n 2016, at the age of 15, I experienced a panic disorder. The common symptoms I would attack for the first time. Of course, I didn’t experience included shaking, intense heart know it was a panic attack then, as I’d never rate, nausea, and numbness. I would also have experienced anything like it before! an instinctive reaction to run away whenever I was on holiday with my family in France, something bad happened. Itravelling around in our motorhome, when For the first year it was really hard, as I just another vehicle pulled out in front of us and wanted to avoid the fact that I had anxiety. I my dad had to do an emergency manoeuvre. would cover it up and not tell anyone, apart Right after this, my body zoned out and I felt from my close family. Sometimes I would feel like I couldn’t breathe. I can’t tell you exactly a lot better, and then something would spark what initiated the panic attack – whether it was the anxiety again. It was particularly hard when the thought of nearly being in a collision with travelling in a vehicle as I began to feel PTSD another car, or the idea of my family being hurt. symptoms from the time I had my first anxiety Either way, I didn’t have enough time to think attack. This led to me postponing learning about it as I couldn’t control my breathing. I also to drive, and also it meant that I was super feel claustrophobic in small spaces, so if you put cautious whenever I was in a vehicle. two and two together, you can probably imagine Over the next few years, I started to understand how I felt. what was happening to my body and why I was Days went by and nothing more happened, so feeling the way I did – so I did everything in my I will love the light for it shows I imagined it was a one-time thing. Little did I power to stop it from happening. Whenever know that I would start to experience that same I thought about doing something out of my me the way, yet“ I will endure the feeling every time something bad happened. It comfort zone, my body would go into panic darkness for it shows me the stars was then that I realised I may have an anxiety mode and cause me to overthink. >>> OG MANDINO happiful.com | 37 Facing up to her anxiety allowed Emily to move on

Whenever something ‘scary’ was coming up, I would hide away for as long as possible until that particular situation went away. For the longest time I wanted to be home- schooled so that I didn’t have to put myself through the anxiety and stress. I was always seen Whenever I thought about as the shy girl who never spoke up, and was a complete pushover. I hid behind other people doing something out of (literally – I never wanted the teacher to pick on my comfort zone, my body me), and only attended events if I was sure that my close friend was going. Going out for meals would go into panic mode with a group of people was hard, so I usually had and cause me to overthink to cancel. The worst part was that I couldn’t even tell anyone why, because I was too embarrassed and ashamed to say it was because of anxiety. through it. I wanted someone to talk with me Additionally, being shy led to social anxiety, about my options, and how I could get better. I which ultimately led to imposter syndrome. really wanted to tell my teachers, but I felt too This meant that in my later school years I didn’t embarrassed to mention anything. I used to believe I should be there as I wasn’t as clever as cover up my anxiety as best as I could when I the other students. I ended up being in a place was around other people, as I didn’t want to be where I didn’t speak a word, and because of this, labelled as ‘the crazy person’. Even though it was people thought I was being rude – which led to only a few years ago, I didn’t realise how many further anxiety and depression. people are constantly affected by anxiety and The hardest part of having anxiety in school how it isn’t unusual to experience it. was that I didn’t know who I could go to, and Looking back, I also believe that my anxiety and who I could trust. I felt like there wasn’t enough self-esteem issues were affected by the people support given to mental health and for getting that I surrounded myself with. My friends at

38 | happiful.com stress special : de-stress

me to challenge myself to get better. It felt so rewarding to be in a position where I could talk about what I went through (and still go through), and how to encourage others to speak up about it, too. I felt so lucky to have a voice that people actually listened to, after being on the outside for so long. In the summer, I finally started to take driving lessons, which was a really big achievement for me. I realised that anxiety doesn’t control my emotions, and I have enough strength and courage to fight through the scary situations. Instead of seeing anxiety as a barrier, I saw it as an opportunity to school were generally really progress. clever. I wasn’t particularly I want to encourage intelligent, so when I used those who are still to get a lower grade, I would struggling with their instantly feel down. I would anxiety and self- jump to the conclusion that esteem, because it I was ‘dumb’ or ‘stupid’, even does get better! It’s so though that wasn’t the case at all. I put myself hard to see how important you are when you’re under a lot of pressure to match their level, but struggling, but just take a moment to look at looking back, it just made me more stressed. yourself from someone else’s perspective, and However, in 2019 that all changed when I learnt you’ll see how loved you are. We’re all unique, how to control my inner critic. I realised that it’s so don’t try to be like everyone else. It’s so OK if I have anxiety – I’m going to embrace it. important that we use our voices to show that Setting up my blog, ‘wecanconquer’, in January we can battle through our mental illnesses. Even was the first step to overcoming the obstacle though I still struggle with my anxiety, I am now that had been holding me back for so long. able to look at it as a challenge for me to get Finally admitting my struggles with anxiety led better every time. OUR EXPERT SAYS

Emily’s panic attack left her struggling with came a turning point. Through being open anxiety, and increasingly affected her life as about her anxiety, and challenging it, things she felt the need to flee stressful situations, started to improve. Emily’s story shows how we and hide her feelings from those around her. can make a significant difference She started to avoid going out, and as a result by challenging our anxious felt vulnerable and isolated. It began to change thoughts, and being open about how she thought about herself. But when Emily our emotions. learned to challenge her inner critic there Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) counsellor

happiful.com | 39 Anger management It’s a common and valid emotion, which can have positive benefits, but if you’re worried that your outbursts are embarrassing, distressing, or spinning out of control, there are plenty of techniques to help you curb your temper

Writing | Katie Conibear

e all get angry. It’s a personality. We might become I live with bipolar disorder, natural emotion that overwhelmed by the anger we’re and during manic episodes I W we may experience feeling, and this is especially true struggle with explosive anger. from time to time, but the way for some mental illnesses, such as For instance, I once punched a it presents itself can be different borderline personality disorder wall because I couldn’t find my for everyone – and how we deal (BPD), bipolar disorder, and post- hairbrush. It was very awkward with anger often reflects our traumatic stress disorder. and embarrassing to explain to

40 | happiful.com stress special : emotions

my landlord why there was a to force myself to take a step until it explodes. Either we turn dent in the bedroom wall. Like back and evaluate the situation. it on ourselves, or on the people everyone though, even when I’m Kind of checking the facts (a around us. When it becomes stable, I also have times when I dialectical behaviour therapy all-encompassing, and we can’t struggle with moments of anger. skill), and seeing if my anger is move past it, then we need to find Many of us often feel justified – but also not allowing remedies to deal with it. uncomfortable and even myself to explode, and instead embarrassed by our anger. The show my anger in a more physical reactions in our bodies, constructive way.” Start using anger as a and the feeling of being out of It’s important to accept when we signpost to let you know control, can be really difficult to feel angry. Sometimes, showing deal with. we’re angry can be a positive that something is wrong Counsellor and psychologist thing, as it can help us share our and you need to take Philip Karahassan explains: worries or concerns. It can show “Anger is a response to a someone how passionate we action to fix it stimulus, or to something are, how much we care about a happening that you need to subject or a problem. It can help So how can we learn take action on. It’s a normal us stand up for ourselves when to manage our anger? bodily response that is simply we feel we’ve been wronged. It Keep an eye out for warning letting you know that something can motivate us to do something signs that you’re becoming angry. needs to get done. So, it’s a positive. It’s OK to be angry. These are physical responses motivator. However, anger gets Our anger can sometimes we can all identify with. It a bad reputation as it is seen as become a problem if we might be that your heart starts something destructive that takes don’t manage it in a healthy beating faster, you feel your you over.” way though. We can feel body becoming tense, and you’re I spoke to Liz, who has BPD with overwhelmed by it, and can’t clenching parts of your body, mixed anxiety and depressive see a way to move past it. With such as your fists or jaw. disorder, about the anger she bipolar, I often feel trapped by Philip Karahassan suggests experiences, and how she’s learnt my anger. I get stuck in what feels some techniques to manage your to manage it. like a never-ending cycle, and it anger. “You have to be aware that “Anger can be quite a big thing can be over the most trivial of if you haven’t taken control over in BPD, as our emotions are so things. Maybe there’s a problem the parts of your life that made extreme, so anger can explode. we can’t fix, we feel frustrated you angry, then they will build I’ve found that to deal with my with someone or something, but up, causing you to get angry anger in a healthy way has been don’t know how to express it. Or when you feel a similar way to the hard, as I used to self-harm and maybe we’ve learnt to internalise initial response to anger that you turn it all inwards. Now I try our anger, and let it build up never dealt with. >>>

happiful.com | 41 Ask yourself if you are angry at floor or in the sink. It’s oddly NINE TECHNIQUES TO TRY that situation, or maybe a similar therapeutic! situation from the past, that you If you’re not comfortable • Step away for a moment need to understand and rectify. expressing your anger in a “Start using anger as a signpost physical way, distraction might • Vent to someone you trust to let you know that something be the way to go. Keeping your is wrong and you need to take hands busy, such as making • Utilise breathing techniques action to fix it. Then the anger something, crafting, or painting will be used adequately and may help. You might want • Count to 10 before responding eventually dissipate.” to confront the root cause of Walk away from the situation, if the anger, and this is where • Work it off with some exercise you can. Go for a walk, or have a journaling comes in. Writing good vent and rant with someone down your thoughts can help you • Try physical outlets such as you trust, and who doesn’t mind work through emotions. hitting a pillow, or breaking you letting off some steam. Learn Use whatever techniques work ice cubes some breathing techniques, and for you. If anger continues to • Distract yourself count to 10 before answering or be a problem, seek out some reacting. There are a number of therapy. This could help identify •Try crafting or creative outlets breathing apps that can guide you any underlying issues that are through some useful techniques. causing the anger, or a potential • Explore journaling to work It might also help to work off undiagnosed mental illness. through the emotion the anger. Exercise is a positive Remember, you’re not alone in way to expel unwanted anger. It your anger. We all have times doesn’t just have to be exercise; when we struggle to manage it. “Learn to pause for a moment you can use other tools to manage and see the anger as something an outburst of anger. Sometimes Katie Conibear is a freelance writer that is positive and useful to we just want to hit something, so who blogs at stumblingmind.com. you. Work out a way to use the try hitting a pillow. I have a big Her first book, ‘Living at the Speed anger to solve the problem or bag of ice cubes in my freezer of Light’, about bipolar disorder, is gain control over the situation. that I’ll smash on the kitchen due out in March 2021.

42 | happiful.com stress special : finance

6 essential money-saving tips

Straight in your basket Save space It’s easy to be drawn in by It’s good to have regular clear- APPS TO TRY impulse buys when you’re outs of your home and wardrobe wandering around a store. Stick to declutter the space around • Plum – an AI assistant that to the essentials by making a you – and potentially make a connects to your bank account, list in advance, or order online little cash while you’re at it. If you analyses your spending habits, where possible – this helps have items you no longer use and automatically saves money you keep to your budget, and that other people might want, for you. minimise waste. you could sell them on Facebook Marketplace, Depop, Ebay or • Moneybox – this award- Pocket money other sites. winning app rounds up your Consider putting away a set purchases to the nearing amount of money on a regular Shop smart pound to help you save. basis – £10 into your savings Where possible, try to shop each week won’t feel like much, around 6pm to 7pm. Often • Vouchercodes – get spending but adds up to £520 in a year! you’ll find this is the time that savvy with this app that collates the reduced item labels are all the best vouchers on Try the 30-day rule put out, meaning you can bag everything from restaurants and While we’re at home more, yourself some tasty bargains for hotels, to tech and shopping. it’s easy to find that boredom a fraction of the normal price. leads to online shopping. Make a rule that if you want to buy something, put the money in your savings. After 30 days, ask yourself if you still want or need it? More often than not, the urge to splurge will have passed, and you can leave that money in your savings instead. How to stop catastrophising Does your mind automatically jump to the worst-case scenario when things appear to be going wrong? Learn how to reconnect with reality by following these tips

Writing | Lydia Smith Illustrating | Rosan Magar

t’s a scenario many of us have based on their upbringing. For life. So what can you do to help experienced: your partner said instance, if a person had a parent reduce this kind of negative they would be home around 7 who was always very anxious and thinking? o’clock, but it’s gone 7.30 and had a negative outlook on the Ithey’re nowhere to be seen. You future, this could go on to affect Recognise catastrophic thinking begin to imagine all the horrible their own outlook on life.” “Being aware of your catastrophic things that may have happened Hilda Burke, a psychotherapist, thinking can help you to put steps – maybe there’s been a traffic couples counsellor and author in place to manage it going accident? You’re in full panic of The Phone Addiction Workbook, forward,” Dr Nnatu advises. mode, until they arrive home safe adds that, for some clients she “When you find and sound, having missed the bus. has worked with, they feel that yourself having a Catastrophic thinking is a imagining the worst possible catastrophic problem for lots of people, and scenario or outcome prepares thought, ask is particularly common among them for if, or when, that does yourself those who experience high levels happen. Mental health problems three of anxiety, which can lead them to such as anxiety or depression can imagine the worst has happened. also alter your perception of the “Often people tend to magnify predicted outcome of a situation. the negatives and minimise While being prepared can be a the positives about a situation,” good thing, the problem comes says Dr Ian Nnatu, a consultant when these thoughts spiral or psychiatrist at Priory Hospital regularly become overwhelming, North London. “This could be and start to affect your daily

44 | happiful.com stress special : work

simple questions: What is the brain that are the body’s natural worst that can happen? What is painkillers and mood elevators. the best thing that could happen? A short walk, jog, or a yoga video The antidote is to try to What is the most likely thing to can help us calm down when happen?” we’re gripped by anxiety. be more present, and By answering these questions, live in the moment you can help shift your thinking Try calming techniques as you build up a more balanced Catastrophising happens when put things into perspective. If you view of the particular situation, we live in the future, and we try often experience catastrophic Dr Nnatu adds. to anticipate what might happen, thinking, however, this may only psychotherapist Hilda Burke provide temporary relief. Write worries down explains. “The antidote is to try One of the problems with “Ruminating or overthinking is to be more present, and live in catastrophic thinking is that as never helpful,” says Catherine the moment. Meditation is the soon as the worry is lifted – when Gallacher, a Glasgow-based best technique I know for this,” your partner returns home counsellor. “It’s always better to she says. unscathed, for example – we write things down and see things “Even if you struggle to soon find something else to feel more clearly or objectively.” meditate, try to catch yourself anxious about. By having things in writing, as you start to catastrophise, The only way to break this cycle you may begin to see patterns in and bring your focus on your is to tame anxiety and learn to your thinking or behaviour. For breathing, taking some deep and manage it, which can be done example, if you often worry about slow breaths. This can help to through cognitive behavioural being fired when you’re called slow the thoughts down.” therapy. Dr Nnatu advises into a meeting, but you have seeking professional help if you never actually lost your job, you Speak to others or seek find catastrophic thinking is may begin to realise your worries professional help interfering with your wellbeing are unfounded. It’s important to speak to other and peace of mind. people if you often feel Make lifestyle changes anxious or low, as they When you’re feeling particularly can reassure you, and overwhelmed, it can be a good idea to distract yourself for a few minutes. Exercise can be beneficial as it reduces levels of the body’s stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. It also stimulates the production of endorphins – chemicals in the

happiful.com | 45 Photography | Elias Arias

If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear“ a hardship today THICH NHAT HANH 46 | happiful.com The calm zone Engage your senses and discover a moment of tranquility

Writing | Rebecca Thair Illustrating | Rosan Magar

Smell Lavender is often the go-to scent for those seeking calm, Hear but jasmine could also be worth Whispering, chewing, tapping – a try. Sometimes used as an these sounds have become part of antidepressant, a few drops of the ASMR YouTube phenomenon, fleece – and pick one which is this essential oil can calm nerves, that can give people the ‘tingles’ roughly 10% of your body weight, promote positive feelings, and as they calm and soothe us. so it feels comforting without help re-energise you. ASMR has been found to help being too restrictive. with symptoms of depression and How to use: Enjoy a home-spa anxiety, as well as aiding sleep. Taste experience by adding up to six A cup of camomile tea is just the drops of jasmine oil in 10ml of a Tune-in: You can find countless thing to soothe an anxious mind. base carrier oil to the warm water videos for free on YouTube, so But you could also try eating as you run a bath, ensuring you experiment to see if anything some raspberries or blackberries, mix them in as you draw the water. works for you – perhaps it’s as these are packed with squishing slime, pages turning, antioxidants that can help ease See or even scratching! low mood or depression, and also To induce calm, really focus on contain vitamin C, which helps to something, and allow your eyes Touch combat stress. to completely take it in. Some When you envision being calm, relatively universal things to try it probably conjures up feelings Why not try: Cook up some include water, videos of cute of safety, security, comfort and oatmeal, topped with a handful animals, and stars twinkling. warmth. A weighted blanket is of the berries, and a side of ideal to achieve this, thanks to its camomile tea. The oatmeal Give it a go: Simply focusing on deeper pressure which helps to keeps you balanced by releasing an object near you, and evaluating relax your nervous system. It’s energy slowly, and also promotes every detail, can ground you in basically a hug in a blanket! serotonin release – the ‘happy the moment. Alternatively, use hormone’. Mixed with the your finger to trace an infinity Get yourself: There are many antioxidants from the berries, symbol in the air. Repeating this weighted blankets for sale, so and calming properties of the tea, motion, and following it with your think about the textures you find this meal is sure to set you up for eyes, can be incredibly soothing. most comforting – cotton, flannel, the day in the right way.

happiful.com | 47 SOOTHING SLEEPY TEA Sweet Serves 1 Ingredients • 250ml almond milk, dreams unsweetened Simple recipes to help you sleep soundly • 1 camomile herbal tea bag • 1 tsp honey or maple syrup, Writing | Ellen Hoggard to taste • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

There are many remedies that you’re eating. Certain foods are Optional: Add a sprinkling of are thought to aid relaxation and known to calm the brain, which dried lavender buds for some extra promote sleep. From calming can help prepare your mind relaxation. lavender scents and soothing and body for a night of rest. For baths, to heart-warming teas and example, for longer and better Method tinctures, it may take a while quality sleep, red and orange • Gently heat the almond milk to understand exactly which foods are important, as well as in a small saucepan, stirring nighttime ritual works for you. carbohydrates, vitamin C and continuously. When hot but not And the best news is you don’t selenium-rich produce (nuts, boiling, add the camomile tea need to splash the cash in order to meat and shellfish). For aiding bag and lavender buds, if you’re build a healthy sleeping routine. relaxation, opt for dark leafy using them. In fact, you can start with what greens such as spinach and kale. • Steep for five minutes. • Add the honey and vanilla extract and stir. SPINACH AND SQUASH GNOCCHI Method • Remove the teabag. Pour into Serves 4 • Add the vegetable stock to a your mug of choice and enjoy. pan and bring to a boil. Add the Ingredients squash, and salt and pepper. • 500ml vegetable stock Reduce to a simmer and cook • 1 small butternut squash, peeled for 15 minutes. Add the gnocchi and chopped into cubes for a further five minutes. • 500g fresh gnocchi • Heat the oil in a separate pan • 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil and sautée the shallots and garlic • 4 shallots, sliced until soft. Add the chickpeas, • 2 cloves garlic, minced sage and spinach, gently stirring • 1 can chickpeas, rinsed until the spinach is wilted. • 1 tsp sage • Combine all ingredients and • 250g spinach, coarsely chopped mix well. Serve immediately • 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar with a drizzle of balsamic • Salt and pepper vinegar.

48 | happiful.com stress special : de-stress

OUR EXPERT SAYS… Find a nutritionist near you on the There’s a reason your mum never Happiful app wanted you to go to bed hungry! Feeling hungry at night makes it difficult for the body to produce the sleep hormone, melatonin, and blood sugar imbalances leave us struggling to get a full night’s rest. The gnocchi recipe is packed with protein and carbohydrates, which is sure to satisfy and keep you fuller for longer. When it comes to sleep, there are certain nutrients that our body needs to produce melatonin. Magnesium is key in this process, and dark leafy greens are an excellent source. The chickpeas provide protein, which is important for balancing blood sugar while we’re sleeping. Lavender is an ancient herb that has been used for many years. It has numerous benefits, but its sleep-enhancing power is certainly one to embrace. The camomile tea used as a base in this recipe can not only promote sleep, but also reduce stress, making it a particularly good choice for those who find drifting off tricky due to a racing mind. Be sure to cover the tea while it is brewing to contain the sleep-enhancing vapours. Michaella Mazzoni is a registered nutritional therapist with special interest in female health, chronic pain and fatigue, gut health, and autoimmunity. Based in Edinburgh, Michaella offers face-to-face, online, and telephone consultations.

happiful.com | 49 Getting over your ex

Going through a break-up can be tough. Moving on completely? That can feel even harder. We share six ways you can let go of the past, and start moving towards a more positive future

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

e’ve all been there. Lean on loved ones they may be feeling with Whether you thought Reaching out when we’re at our knowing what topics are (and W they were ‘the one’, or it most vulnerable can feel tough. aren’t) on the table. Open, honest was something more casual, even When you’re already feeling low communication is key. the most amicable of splits can from a break-up? It can seem have a big impact on us. The end impossible. Yet that’s often when of anything can feel like a time of we need the support of friends Disconnect to reconnect emotional upheaval. For better or and family the most. Taking a break from social media worse, a chapter of your life has Whether you need to have a good seems to be the go-to solution for come to a close. And that can feel cry, or you want someone to take everything nowadays. But when pretty scary. your mind off of things, having you’re faced with the temptation According to a study published in someone to spend quality time to look up your ex – or scroll The Journal of Positive Psychology, with, talk, and just let you be, can through your old photos – taking it takes around 11 weeks to start help you feel like a weight’s been a step back to refocus on you can feeling better after a relationship lifted from your shoulders. be a solid move. ends. And following the end If you don’t want advice right Ditch the FOMO, and spend of a marriage or long-term now, let them know. It’s OK if some time getting to know relationship, it’s believed that the you’re not ready to talk, but our yourself again. You wouldn’t figure is closer to 18 months. loved ones aren’t mind readers. expect your friendships to So what steps can we start taking Setting boundaries can help you flourish without a little TLC, so to put ourselves first, start healing, avoid feeling overwhelmed, and why should your relationship and move on? can reduce some of the pressure with you be any different?

50 | happiful.com stress special : relationships

Make time for quality self- care. Enjoy the silence, walk in nature, or do something creative. Regularly stop to ask yourself: how am I doing? No matter what the answer is, it’s OK – just taking the time to acknowledge your feelings can have a significant impact on your overall wellbeing.

Avoid temptation When trying to move on, it can be easy to fall into common traps. Playing the blame game, finding a rebound fling, trying to be ‘just friends’ – there are so many ways in which we can let ourselves dwell on the past, or temporarily numb the pain with decisions that, rationally, we know aren’t best for us. If you find yourself struggling to make a clean break, letting off some steam by chatting to friends can provide a good release, but try to focus on moving away from feelings of anger or resentment, as this can improve your mindset. Plus it can be good to give yourself a break from situations where you may bump into each other. You need time to grow and prioritise you right now – it’s not selfish to let them know that. If rebounds are your weakness, try focusing on friends and family. Chances are, you’re feeling pretty vulnerable right now. You need time and space to rediscover how to feel comfortable with Ditch the FOMO, and being alone romantically. That doesn’t mean you have to feel spend some time getting lonely though. Spend time with to know yourself again close friends and loved ones in a relaxed, platonic setting. >>>

happiful.com | 51 going in your personal and professional lives? Journaling can be a great way of exploring both where you hope to be, and where you are right now. Set aside time to write down everything you’re feeling. Are you frustrated or fulfilled in your career? Could your work-life balance be better? Have you got that one big dream you never got around to looking at more seriously? It’s time to leave the past behind – now is the perfect time to start reassessing what you want out of life, and who you want to be. Give yourself a new source of implanting more optimistic views focus in the form of a hobby or of your future. This can help you rediscovering an old passion. Yes, to reframe your thoughts, focuses, Give it time taking time to figure things out and goals – without stagnating Chances are, you didn’t fall in and heal is important, but you on how things ‘might have been’. love overnight. Moving on after need something to help you start A hypnotherapist can even help a break-up is, in many ways, like rebuilding your life. Cultivating you to feel more comfortable and a grieving process: there’s no your non-romantic relationships, confident in yourself and your right or wrong way to do it, no hobbies, and passions can all ability to feel fulfilled without the set timeline, and, most likely, it’s help you take this step. need for outside validation. not going to be a linear process. By turning the focus on what You’re going to have some days you want from your future, you that feel awful. But you’re also Think outside the box can start redirecting your time going to have days where you feel Hypnotherapy can be a great tool and energy away from dwelling amazing, and what’s-their-name when you’re struggling to find on your past relationship. doesn’t even cross your mind. closure, or aren’t sure how to start Through visualisation and positive Be kind to yourself, and try not over again. suggestion, you can begin to get to get frustrated at whatever pace During periods of transition a clearer picture of the path you you are healing. You are making between relationships and being want to create. progress – you just might not see single, you may struggle to adapt it yet. to a new way of thinking. A hypnotherapist can help you to Focus on your future enter a state of deep relaxation, One of the best ways to move To find out more about where they can assist with forward can be actually planning hypnotherapy for self-confidence identifying any specific areas how you want your future to and getting over your ex, visit you may be struggling with, look. Where do you see yourself hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

52 | happiful.com stress special : de-stress

Time to check-in with you

How do I feel right now? What do I need?

What am I thankful for? What have I learnt recently?

What do I want to let go of that’s holding me back?

What am I most proud of? Where do I want to see myself, this time next week? What steps do I need to take? Business born from experience

A candid conversation about childbirth led Anisah Kee-Scott and Nyree Adams to launch Mum Bub Hub, an enterprise with postpartum health and healing at its heart. But the company’s road to success was far from bump-free... Here, for anyone tempted to take an entrepreneurial leap into the unknown, the pair share the lessons they learned along the way

Writing | Lucy Donoughue

ew business inspiration (for example, how to manage council, in the East End of London. often comes from very haemorrhoids, vaginal swelling, But it wasn’t always plain sailing... N personal life experiences. perineal tears, episiotomies and “The process is gruelling!” Nyree Many of the hugely successful postpartum bleeding), as well as admits, as she casts her mind back. startups of the past five years looking after a newborn. “Our idea was ripped apart in the (think Bamboo Bamboo, While their community interest first funding round, as the panel Positive Planner Journal, Fiit) company is now a success, and of experts really tried to drill down were sparked by a reaction to a great friendship and shared into what was unique about what a universal issue, need, or life passion for postpartum care is we were offering. The questions circumstance. very much at the heart of what asked during that process drove This was certainly the case for Mum Bub Hub does every day, the development of our range. the duo behind Mum Bub Hub, as getting the business off the Ultimately, it helped us grow.” their journey began when Nyree ground was a real labour of love Adams gave a beautiful basket of for Nyree and Anisah. Bring your past experience into products for postpartum care to Here they share some key new projects her friend, Anisah Kee-Scott, who lessons they learned along the While you may be embarking was pregnant for the first time. way, for anyone thinking of on the new and unknown, you Nyree’s loving gesture, born out turning their entrepreneurial will have transferable skills from of personal experience, prompted dreams into a reality. your life and other professional a candid conversation about the experiences, as Nyree outlines. reality of childbirth, which led The journey may not always be “My background is in product to their business idea. The two easy – but the challenges will development. I worked in the food friends wanted to address the help you grow industry, creating ready meals. issue that women are often left Mum Bub Hub secured seed That means I have experience of in the dark when it comes to the funding from Beyond Business, starting with an idea, working it

physical impact of giving birth an initiative from Tower Hamlets up into a concept, developing and Hub Bub Courtesy| Mum of Image

54 | happiful.com stress special : work

For more expert career and Ready to take the leap? entrepreneurial Use these prompts to help advice, head to you develop your plan. lifecoach-directory. org.uk What is your passion and purpose? What is driving you to start this business? Why are you passionate about it? Write this down and keep coming back to it.

What else is out there? Are people already doing what you are aiming to do? How could you do it differently? Spend some time researching and following social media accounts for inspiration.

Who can help you on your way? Are there any online forums or webinars you could attend to grow your knowledge? A local business person who might share their experiences with you? Ask around.

starting out, I’d probably say. ‘Scrap everything you’ve planned!’ With a new business you’re continually evolving. You refining, and then launching a naturally. Nyree’s forte is can have plans, but they’re bound product. These skills gave me a product development, I have to change – and that’s OK.” head start.” a background in project management. We use our Mum Bub Hub is a Community Team work really does strengths accordingly.” Interest Company, intent on make the dream work bridging the gap If there’s more than one person Keep evolving and adapting in perinatal care in your start up, team dynamics It’s important to take time to look for vulnerable and and clear delineation of back, see how far you’ve come. at-risk women, responsibilities from the outset is And there will be learnings, as particularly in key, as Anisah explains. Anisah shares. Black communities. “Luckily for us, working “If I could go back and meet Find out more at together came quite myself when we were first mumbubhub.co.uk

happiful.com | 55 Photography | Natasha Kasim

Breath is the power behind all things…. I breathe“ in and know that good things will happen TAO PORCHON-LYNCH 56 | happiful.com stress special : fitness

Stefanie Williams: Fit with a purpose

A quick scroll through fitness influencer Stefanie Williams’ Insta feed will leave you in no doubt of how dedicated she is to her passion. But behind the scenes, she’s faced an uphill battle to get to where she is today. Here, Stefanie tells of the injury that spurred her on to a soul-searching mission, her journey with endometriosis, and her determination to help others

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

“ f you were to ask that question far, a love of sport and fitness is hockey team while she was to my parents, they would say front and centre. still in school. It’s the kind of I’ve been running around and “I’m not particularly academic, pressure and responsibility that doing muscleman impressions so I wouldn’t necessarily do could easily be intimidating, but Isince I was five years old!” that well in class, but on the Stefanie took it all in her stride Stefanie Williams tells me, when I sports field, that’s where I really and looks back fondly on the ask where it all began. excelled,” Stefanie explains. “I memories from that time. A fitness influencer and trainer absolutely loved it, I was so happy, But it all came to an unexpected with more than 1.4 million all I wanted to do was play sports!” end when she sustained an injury followers on Instagram, when And her passion paid off when that meant she wasn’t able to Stefanie reflects on her journey so she was scouted for the Welsh continue playing with the team. >>>

happiful.com | 57 The injury forced Stefanie on to bodies and focusing on what it a path of self-discovery which, needs and how it feels. she notes, she may not have had “My endometriosis diagnosis the opportunity to do otherwise. made me appreciate how That said, it wasn’t easy, and important it was to work with my Stefanie now sees her early 20s as body, not against it.” a very challenging time. “You try to conform and do what you’re expected to do,” she reflects. “But, actually, the most It’s incredible important thing is doing what what happens makes you really happy, even if when women that might disappoint people, or it might not be exactly to plan.” come together, Following her heart is what led it’s unstoppable Stefanie to where she is today. About five years ago, she did a A condition where tissue similar fitness course, which sparked an to the lining of the womb begins idea. Why not combine her love to grow in other places, such as of fitness with her passion for the ovaries and fallopian tubes, connecting with others? She set endometriosis can cause intense, up her Instagram account, and life-halting pain, fatigue, and things took off from there. can contribute to mental health “I cracked my shin bone,” Quickly building a dedicated problems. Diet and fitness can Stefanie says. “It was probably following, Stefanie wanted to pull help ease the symptoms, but my fault to be fair. I dived, and back the curtain that often keeps many people may need more the defender basically crushed people feeling in the dark when it support, and although it affects me. When I stopped playing comes to health and fitness, and 1.5 million people in the UK for sports, it definitely had an to encourage a healthy attitude many, getting help is an uphill impact on my mental health. towards working out. battle, on average taking seven I totally lost my way. It was “People can be so focused on and a half years from the start of something that had been there what they look like, without symptoms to diagnosis. my whole life, and something actually considering the impact “I went through such a long, that I knew I was good at, and I on their body,” she continues. “I tedious time to try to figure was happy doing. You lose your often see that women will use out what I had, and I was so way a bit when that’s taken away exercise as an act of punishment frustrated,” Stefanie says. “It from you.” rather than listening to their was a tough time for my mental

58 | happiful.com stress special : fitness

and physical health, because I could hardly train. I remember filming some work out videos, and I was lying on the floor in the gym crying because I was so exhausted.” Stefanie reached out to her GP but her experience was dismissed as bad period pains. This attitude led her to suppress what she was feeling, but it got to the point where she was in so much pain, she knew she couldn’t go on. “I did loads of research and found another gynaecologist who’s an expert in endo,” explains “I also teamed up with the passion for lifting others is Stefanie, as she pinpoints the Endometriosis UK, and I put on palpable, even down the phone moment she was finally taken an event. We all got together and line. When I ask her, as we come seriously, and was able to access it was...” Stefanie pauses. “I cried, to the end of our interview, the treatment she needed. “One we were all crying at points. It where this strength comes from, in 10 women suffer from it, and was amazing, you couldn’t stop she takes a moment to consider. it’s just so frustrating because it’s people from talking. They were “I think it comes from learning something that’s often cast aside.” saying, ‘Have you got this?’, ‘What to really look after myself,” she In an effort to raise awareness, do you do for that?’ says. “You’ve just got to take each Stefanie opened up about her “It’s incredible what happens day as it comes. I’ve also got such experiences in an emotional when women come together, an incredible community, which video posted on her YouTube it’s unstoppable,” Stefanie says. I’m proud of, because it’s these channel in 2018. The video “I’ve seen that it can have such women who are on this journey reached thousands, and the a positive impact, sharing with me. It’s important to be as comments were flooded with something that you might feel positive as you can, that’s what support and others sharing really vulnerable about. Because keeps me going.” their own experiences – some if you feel like that, you can bet even thanking Stefanie for that hundreds of other women prompting them to reach out to are going to be feeling that too.” Follow Stefanie, @Stef_Fit, and a professional, and getting them Despite all she has faced, discover more about her health and the diagnosis they needed. Stefanie’s positivity and her fitness app GLOW atweglow.com

happiful.com | 59 Is your relationship caring or controlling?

Do you feel confident that you would be able to spot the signs of a controlling relationship? With these expert tips, discover how you can build awareness of the the red flags that could warn of sinister intentions hiding behind seemingly caring actions

Writing | Kamalyn Kaur Illustrating | Rosan Magar

our partner constantly about your wellbeing and safety. that they wouldn’t be able to calling, wanting to Alternatively, it could be their identify the difference between spend all their time way of controlling you. the two. When it comes to with you, showing There’s a fine line between the matters of the heart, our Ya preference for what you caring and controlling behaviour, judgement is often clouded. With wear, and needing to know and when I interviewed 200 that in mind, here are five tips to your whereabouts, could all be therapy clients experiencing help identify if your relationship because they genuinely care relationship issues, 89% stated is caring or controlling.

60 | happiful.com stress special : relationships

Focus on your feelings will take into consideration your so much time with them. Ask A controlling relationship will feelings, views, and opinions. yourself, how accurate is this? leave you feeling unhappy, How often does that happen in Do you enjoy spending time unsettled, anxious, tense, and your relationship? Who makes the with them? If yes, then start overwhelmed. These feelings are majority of the decisions? reconnecting with those people your compass in life, alerting you you’ve lost touch with. If your that something isn’t right. If you partner isn’t supportive, and feel like this in your relationship, gets angry or irritated with your take some time away from your Relationship red flags decision, this could be a sign of partner to focus on how your controlling behaviour. feelings change. If you’re happier • Regularly feeling anxious, tense, and healthier, ask yourself what or on-edge around your partner Spot unrealistic expectations is creating these uncomfortable • Doing things that make you In a caring relationship, it’s feelings, and what changes you uncomfortable, just to make normal to do things that make need to consider making. them happy both individuals happy. If you • Lack of trust between you both find yourself feeling under Think rationally • Isolating you from loved ones pressure to do something as In a relationship, we’re • Unbalanced relationship – their a result of your partner or emotionally involved, making feelings and wants are always relationship, this could be a our thinking irrational. This put first red flag. Before you engage in can cause confusion, and take an activity, ask whether you’re away clarity from a situation. doing it because you want to, or Thinking rationally helps you to because you feel you should be put things into context, and then To make the relationship more doing it. If your partner prevents, take the next logical steps. Next balanced, speak to your partner criticises, or judges you for doing time your partner says or does about wanting to be more what you want to do, then this is something that upsets you, think involved in decision-making. If sign it’s not a caring relationship. about someone you are close to. your partner cares, they will be Ask yourself, if they were being on board with this. If they are Happiness is not a privilege treated in this way, what advice controlling, they may be resistant. – you are allowed and deserve would I give to this person? to be happy. If your reason for Consider taking your own advice. Connect with family and friends unhappiness is your relationship, Divide and rule; cutting you then this needs to be addressed Pay attention to actions off from loved ones is a typical so you can start to feel happier, Actions speak louder than words. abusive tactic used to control healthier, and stress-free. Stop concentrating on what someone. You might have been your partner is saying, and start led to believe that your family Kamalyn is a counsellor, coach and focusing on their actions. In a and friends are not good for you, author of ‘How to Take Control of a caring relationship, your partner or that you shouldn’t be spending Controlling Relationship’.

happiful.com | 61 £48

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Excludes postage and packaging. Prices and beneﬁ ts are correct at the time of printing, using code HAPPINOV, which expires on 16 November 2020. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com 62 | happiful.com Happiful reads... From finding your place to fixing your lifestyle, we share four upcoming books you won’t want to miss

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

n her debut book, Palestinian- struggles to feel content with American author Zaina Arafat their comfortable relationship, I explores the fantasies and through her explosion of You Exist desires of a young woman caught romantic encounters and Too Much by between cultural, religious, and obsessions. Flashing between Zaina Arafat sexual identities. Set between the her time in New York and Jordan, Out 19 November US and Middle East, You Exist Too Lebanon and Palestine, readers Much is a coming-of-age story follow her progression from with love, identity, and desire set blushing teen to aspiring writer against a backdrop of traditional and sought-after DJ, all the way on a journey to find two of the values and views. through to an unconventional things we all long for the most: Told through a series of brief, treatment centre. love, and a place we can call home. evocative encounters, we follow Navigating queerness, If you’re looking for a captivating, her journey from living with her bisexuality, love, and addiction, first-person read, this really is one first serious girlfriend and her this captivating story takes readers you don’t to want to miss. Must reads

Heal Your Arthur Wants She Believed relationship a Balloon She Could So with Food by by Elizabeth She Did Juliet Rosewall, Gilbert Bedia, by Sam Lacey Amy Chisholm illustrated by Out now and Maureen Erika Meza Packed full Moerbeck Out 22 October of useful Out now Beautifully illustrated and tips, positive Whether we realise it or not, sensitively written, Arthur Wants affirmations, and bite-sized, many of us have an unhealthy a Balloon tackles a tough inspirational biographies relationship with food. Written subject: parental depression. of women who have made by two clinical psychologists Created for children aged two a difference, this modern and a dietitian, this book offers to five, Arthur’s story shows how woman’s guide to life celebrates practical advice, clear steps, even the youngest members of female strength and courage. and effective strategies, to help our families have the ability to No matter where you are right you think differently, overcome help and support us through our now, this book can help you problems, and give readers darkest times. If you’re looking with overcoming the cynics the tools needed to develop for a conversation starter for and critics, seizing exciting new a healthier, more sustainable young children about mental opportunities, and starting to relationship with what we eat. health, this is the book for you. live a life that you’ll love.

happiful.com | 63 Renters’Home ownership is considered the holy grailshame for many, but those of us who choose to rent instead have no need to feel guilty

Writing | Kat Nicholls

ecently my partner and of our friends are on their second feel rushed and even ashamed of I celebrated signing our houses, upsizing to make room the fact that we still rent. tenancy agreement, for kids, and spending weekends It turns out, we’re not alone. An meaning we can stay in doing DIY. Conversations about Instagram post from @howirent_, Rour rented flat for another 18 house prices pass us by and, in all run by home-improvement months. We’ve been here for 18 honesty, it can feel alienating. blogger and proud renter Medina months already, and love the There is a distinct pressure from Grillo, brought up the subject of home we’ve made for ourselves. both society and our families to renter’s shame. More than 100 Both in our early 30s, being so get on the property ladder. And people commented, sharing their settled in rented accommodation while this is something we would experiences, and why they love to feels a little controversial. Many like to do one day, it’s hard not to rent despite the pressure to own.

64 | happiful.com stress special : finance

So, why do we still feel ashamed to rent? Blogger Medina Grillo Not being able to put tells me: “Getting on to the property ladder your own stamp on in this country is your home can feel everything. It’s seen as a sort of restrictive rite of passage to a higher status in life. Looking at recent statistics A sign of success. from the Property Reporter It’s also a natural website, more of us are opting to expectation, once Everyone’s financial and personal rent than buy. According to the you’ve found yourself situations are different. No one starts survey, almost one in four Brits a decent-paying job on the same level playing field when it don’t want to continue investing and a forever partner. comes to buying a house in property, regardless of where And that expectation can they are on the ladder. Of those come from different sources – surveyed, 24% said finances parents, grandparents, friends, are holding them back from and even social media.” investing, while more than one Medina makes an excellent to you, you still think: ‘Wow, I in 10 Baby Boomers say they’ve point about social media wish I had my own home too.’” sold up and have no plans to buy contributing to the pressure It’s true. With rental properties, again, thanks to the freedom and to own. With visual platforms interior design often comes with flexibility offered by renting. such as Instagram and Pinterest restrictions and caveats from And with the economical packed with interior design your landlord. Not being able impact of the current pandemic, inspiration, it’s hard not to to put your own stamp on your saving for a house deposit isn’t compare. home can feel restrictive, and an option for a lot of people right “We are now getting insight makes it difficult for you to relate now – with restricted incomes into other people’s lives 24 hours to others. due to furlough or redundancies. a day,” says Medina. “When you But the argument I hear most in Additionally, the number of think ‘home’, you automatically the renter vs homeowner debate mortgage lenders has drastically think of interior design. You is the financial implications. I’m declined, and while pre-Covid follow these accounts and see told I’m ‘throwing money away’. first time buyers could use a 5% most of them own their homes Home ownership is considered deposit, the majority of deals now and are renovating. And even an investment, renting is seen as

Illustrations | @frimages Illustrations require 10–15%. though that content doesn’t relate frivolous. >>>

happiful.com | 65 And while I don’t disagree “You are able to pay for a roof expensive repairs like plumbing. that owning property is an over your head, month after Another benefit, she says, is the investment, I do disagree that month! You are pouring love flexibility it offers. renting is frivolous. For many of into a property that isn’t yours “Just think, you have the us, the possibility of buying in because you recognise the power freedom to live in any area the town we rent in is simply not that having a beautiful home has or country that you choose. feasible financially. We pay for on your mind.” Sometimes it’s difficult to buy a the location, the lifestyle, and the The impact that living house in your dream location, so ability to easily pack up and move. somewhere you love has in those cases it might be easier on wellbeing shouldn’t be to rent. This helps a lot if you are How can we overcome underestimated. Researchers looking to get your child into a renter’s shame? from Stirling University, Scotland, certain school, for example. When I ask Medina this question, in partnership with Dr Lisa “And if you don’t like the area she tells me how important it is Garnham from the Glasgow (or the house you’ve chosen) you to go easy on ourselves, and not Centre for Population Health, can always move! I had a really compare. found that feeling at home in bad experience with one of my “Everyone’s financial and a rented property can result in neighbours in my last rented personal situations are different. reduced health inequalities. home, so being able to relocate No one starts on the same level Perhaps embracing the benefits was a blessing!” playing field when it comes to of renting is another way we can buying a house.” shake off any shame we may Making a rented She says that in many countries, feel as renters. Medina explains house a home renting is the norm, and focusing that one of the biggest benefits While there can be challenges on what you’re achieving is key. is not having to spend money on and restrictions when it comes

66 | happiful.com stress special : finance

One in 10 Baby Boomers say they’ve sold up and have no plans to buy again

24% said finances are holding them back from investing

My partner and I love our Medina’s top DIY tips lifestyle, and the flexibility for renters: renting offers. Our home is You are pouring love certainly not perfect, and Medina’s book, Home Sweet Rented there are times when I wish I into a property that Home, is full of advice for renters owned my own place – usually isn’t yours because who want to inject their personal when I’m frantically texting my style into their space. Here are her landlord about our leaky tap. you recognise the top tips to get started. But, at the end of the day, power having a renting is working for us. And, 1. Replace kitchen cabinet handles truthfully? We simply cannot beautiful home can or knobs with more stylish ones. afford to buy a house, and we have on your mind won’t be pressured into making 2. Use contact adhesive strips to any big financial investments hang picture frames (or other until we’re ready. Now, to decorating a rented space, decorative items, like hats or someone please pass me the this doesn’t mean you can’t baskets) on the wall without adhesive strips… get creative. Speaking to your worrying about damage. landlord first about what’s OK, For more rental home design and what’s not, should be a 3. Buy large rugs to cover flooring inspiration, follow Medina’s priority – some are perfectly fine you want to hide. Patterned rugs personal account on Instagram with you painting, for example, are great for adding colour and @grillodesigns and her as long as you repaint back to the drama to a bare room. video home tours account, original colour before you leave. @howirent_

happiful.com | 67 You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you “just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens MANDY HALE The Crystal King Photography | Kevin Laminto

68 | happiful.com stress special : emotions

You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you “just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens MANDY HALE The Crystal King Breaking free from the life expected of him allowed Lui Krieg to have a personal transformation, and discover his passion for helping others through holistic healing

Writing | Lui Krieg

y story is a tale of personal I had grown up in a hard, working class liberation, which led me on a environment, where it was expected that you journey to all corners of the earth, followed a precise path – get your education, where I gathered the knowledge find a job, get married, get a home, have kids, Mand spiritual skills that have earned me the title work hard, then retire. I had a strong sense that of ‘the Crystal King’. this was not for me. I felt a sense of adventure – I I was born in Germany 60 years ago, where I was ready to dive into the unknown. grew up in humble surroundings. I had my first After working for Siemens for three years in a contact with music when I learned to play the rigid, corporate environment, I made a life- trumpet, and was in a German folk music band. changing decision. I could visualise a different I also sang in the church choir, and realised at a life for myself – one that was more fulfilling young age that the voice is the most amazing of because I was deciding my own future – a all instruments. I felt the joy of singing together, spiritual, more meaningful one. I was ready to and still do today – a lot of my spiritual practice risk everything for the chance. I quit my job, and involves singing and chanting, as it soothes the bought a one-way ticket to Singapore. I opened soul and brings harmony. a new chapter in my life, travelling to beautiful After school I trained as an electronic engineer, beaches in south-east Asia, to the Himalayas in and then at 19 I decided it was time to leave my India, Uluru in Australia, and Machu Picchu in small town in the search of new adventures. South America.

Photography | Kevin Laminto I moved to Berlin, which was a melting pot I returned home two and a half years later to for revolutionary new ideas, ways of thinking, visit my family in Germany as a changed man. and living. I immersed myself in these new My travels had opened my eyes and heart to a surroundings, and read books by Hermann completely new world, full of opportunities and Hesse and other spiritual authors. I soon realised adventures. I discovered yoga, meditation, the that there was another reality out there, and the power of nature, and different approaches to values that I was brought up with were limited. religion and spirituality. A new man was born. >>>

happiful.com | 69 To hear Lui Krieg & The Alchemysts of Sound, visit alchemystsofsound.com

I didn’t stay long in Germany, and started backpacking all around the world, visiting sacred ancient sites and powerful places. I felt liberated having discovered the magic of living in I realised my crystal tools and jewellery designs the moment. I studied with wise men, shamans, were becoming more and more popular with not and gurus from all around the world, however my just visitors, but also healers and lightworkers, greatest teacher remains nature. and were helping so many people. So we decided On this journey, I found two tools that would to open our crystal shop, ‘Stone Age’, right in the reshape my life – the magic of crystals, and sacred heart of Glastonbury. sound. The unity of these two elements, which I perceive to be fundamental to life, allowed me and others to find the centre of their spirituality. They allow a path to inner focus and contemplation. I I felt liberated having decided to dedicate my life to promoting these two discovered the magic of ancient healing modalities. It was an enormous cultural change for me – a living in the moment transitional journey opening me up and allowing me to grow into a new self. Eventually my travels During difficult times, I realised how important brought me to the Glastonbury Festival, and a friends were, and 10 years ago I met my now best major turning point in my life. I was with my friend and music producer, Paul Foss. We shared partner Tessa, and our son Kai, with only a a passion for music, and through this strength campervan to our name. We didn’t have tickets, but we created the Alchemysts of Sound, and have I was told to show Michael Eavis my crystal wands. since released a series of meditation and healing He invited us in, and it was this act of kindness CDs. This led me to many exciting discoveries, from a stranger that set me on the road to success – including a healing treatment called “The we went on to sell my crystals at the festival. I had a Crystal Sound Activation” based on the magic of profound realisation that I was coming home. minerals combined with the powerful effect that

70 | happiful.com stress special : emotions

Holistic healing practices have transformed Lui’s life

Crystals work on multiple levels, and once people connect to their spiritual selves, I believe they’ll become more health conscious, and will interact with their environment in a different way. I’ve been practising yoga and meditation for more than 40 years, and this has proven to relax and strengthen the mind. This continuous practise has helped me to harmonise all aspects of my life, and I am now living a healthy and sacred sound has on the mind, body, and spirit, happy existence. and enabled me to set up the ‘Crystal Sound I have learned so much during my life, and feel Academy’, approved and accredited by the UK honoured to have the power of crystals and sound Complementary Medicine Association. around me. I have learnt to do things differently, During these 20 years of working with crystals to challenge the norm, to breathe consciously, and sound as a therapist, and lecturing around to keep addictions under control. I learned to the world, I gained experience in treating all never say “I can’t do this” or “I’m too old for kinds of ailments, whether physical, emotional, that”, surprise yourself, stop thinking you are not or mental. I have helped many clients by getting good enough, bring crystals into your life, start them to work with the right minerals and sacred meditation. Dance is an important spiritual tool, sounds, to help them transform their lives. as is being kind to yourself and others. Ultimately, Beneficial meditation with crystals and the more you give the more you receive, and the therapeutic relaxation music has been even more more you start loving yourself, and the world important to me during the recent pandemic. around you, the more you’ll enjoy life. OUR EXPERT SAYS

Lui’s path to personal happiness is adventurous make discoveries and push boundaries – we and unique. He found that there was a world just need to find new ways of doing so. As beyond the obvious, and shared his discoveries Lui found, loving ourselves, and to help others. sharing kindness and respect The idea of heading off to far flung lands might help us to brighter times! might be something only dreams are made of Rachel Coffey| BA MA NLP Mstr at the moment. However, we can still connect, Life coach

happiful.com | 71 ! body Yoga is for every is for Yoga

Yoga has a wealth of wellbeing benefits – and the best part is every single one of us can get involved, regardless of our shape, size, age, colour, or gender

Writing | Donna Noble stress special : fitness

ave you ever seen the everything I needed was already Yoga is for everybody. photo of Madonna with inside me – creating that mind- This simple, but true, statement her leg behind her head body connection and listening to sums up the great practice of H in Eka Pada Sirsasana? my body. yoga; it makes no judgments This was where my yoga journey As well as showing me how about size, ability, gender, or began in the late 1990s, after a to enjoy life and change all the race. Yes, it’s a wonderfully colleague saw the picture and societal norms that had become inclusive phrase, but goes deeper suggested we give yoga a try. I indoctrinated, I began to go with than that – it actually brings said yes, and we were fortunate the flow and live my life from the about transition, and brings you enough to have a colleague who inside out. I left the corporate life back home to who you truly are. was completing her yoga teacher behind to embrace yoga full-time. There is some definite change training, and so we became On reflection, I had a diverse in the industry, and it’s great to her guinea pigs… oops, sorry, I introduction to yoga because my see that this perception of yoga mean students. It was wonderful initial teachers were teachers is now being challenged by so to experience the different of colour. It was only years later many inspiring yogis. Take a look styles of yoga until I found ones that I was to discover that this at the images coming through on that resonated with me, as I established a regular practice. Although I had been practising yoga for a long time, I found my From healing and calming, to true passion for it was ignited empowering and strengthening, even when it allowed me to heal from the trauma of Bell’s Palsy. I woke when you don’t know what you’re looking up one day to discover that the right side of my face had become for, yoga is there to help you paralysed; the condition was dormant for five years, but it would change, the more popular Instagram of wonderful women was a combination of yoga and and commercialised that yoga such as Dianne Bondy, Dana acupuncture that allowed me to became. The poster girl image of Falsetti, and Jessamyn Stanley. get stronger, both mentally and yoga is slim, young, white, and in Why would you practise physically. Seeing how my body an advanced pose, even though something if you don’t see started to recover organically, yoga actually started in India someone that looks like you I wanted to share how this thousands of years ago. We’ve doing it? This is the core issue amazing science was allowing Westernised yoga, and with it, we’re finding; students are being me to realise my body’s true forgotten its roots. put off and, in turn, missing so Photography | Urban Decay Visuals potential. I believe that every body is a many wonderful benefits of yoga. I believe now that this is where yoga body – regardless of size, From healing and calming, to my journey of self-acceptance age, colour, or gender. I can’t say empowering and strengthening, and self-love started – allowing that I have seen much of this even when you don’t know what me to love my body for all the encouragement in the media or you’re looking for, yoga is there wonderful things it does for me yoga classes. Instead, I see people to help you with stress, mental even when I don’t appreciate being put off before they’ve even health issues, and anxiety. Now, it. I would often find peace on ventured on to the mat, because more than ever, this is a support my yoga mat, discovering that they think it’s not for them. system that we need. >>>

happiful.com | 73 The fact that yoga has been practised for thousands of years allows you to understand why its popularity has grown exponentially. In the simplest terms, yoga works. Yoga isn’t a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. It really can be adapted to all body types. There is a basic outline and alignment for each posture, but it’s also about listening to your own body, and adjusting for it without judgment, bringing about 1 CHILD’S POSE self-acceptance and self-love. Yoga Start on all fours, bring your big toes allows you to be flexible both in the together, let your knees slide out to the sides mind and body, accepting the body as far as is comfortable for you, and ease that you have on the mat at that your hips back over your heels with your moment in time. arms extended. Give yourself a bit more “Yoga takes you by the scruff space here by placing a block or blanket of the neck and takes you on a under your forehead. Close your eyes and journey, whether you like it or breathe deeply. not,” yoga teacher Vanda Scaravelli once said. I set up Curvesomeyoga to live by the mantra that yoga is for everybody. If you’re keen to give it a try but aren’t sure where to start, to the right are my five starter positions, and search for the Curvesomeyoga Beginners’ Body Positive video on YouTube. We also have the Curvesomeyoga Complete Beginners Body Positive Yoga classes, which run online 2 CAT COW POSE every week. Find out more at Come to your thenobleartofyoga.co.uk. Don’t forget hands and knees, to follow @Curvesomeyoga on bringing your Instagram too, where I am always shoulders over your wrists, and your hips sharing body positive messages over your knees. On an inhale breath, arch about yoga and wellbeing. your spine moving your heart forward and up, and let your gaze follow. On an exhale, Donna Noble is a yoga teacher, round your spine like an angry cat, pushing intuitive wellness coach, diversity the floor away with both hands, gently lifting advocate, and founder of your navel toward your spine and letting your Curvesomeyoga. Follow her gaze follow. online @donnanobleyoga with yoga Get started

74 | happiful.com stress special : fitness

3 DOWNWARD DOG 5 HAPPY BABY POSE As you exhale, tuck your toes under to lift back into Open your knees slightly wider than your torso, downward dog. If you are new, bend both knees then bring them up toward your armpits. Each deeply and work on keeping your hips lifted while ankle should be directly over the knees, so your pushing the floor away evenly through both palms. shins are perpendicular to the floor. Flex through Breathe deeply as you hold for 4–5 breaths. the heels. Gently push your feet up into your hands Then, walking your feet towards your hands, (or the belts) as you pull your hands down to create coming into a natural forward fold before slowing a resistance. Breathe deeply as you hold for 4–5 rolling up to standing. breaths. You can also gently roll from side to side if you wish to massage the lower back. Then release the feet and extend the legs for the 4 MOUNTAIN POSE final relaxation. With your feet together or hip-width apart, inhale and reach your arms skyward, externally rotating your upper arms as you stretch up. On an exhale, bring your hands to your heart centre with your palms together. Take a moment to stand here 6 SAVASANA with your eyes closed Lie on your back with your legs straight and arms and shoulders relaxed, relaxed at your sides, taking up as much space as breathing deeply for you like. Close your eyes and breathe naturally. 4–5 breaths. Allow your body to feel heavy on the ground. Relax When you are ready, and gently release each part of your body; working come down to lie on from the soles of your feet to the crown of your head. your back. Stay here for as long as you like.

happiful.com | 75 The power of pottering

Unlock the full potential of the wellness trend that you’re probably already doing – without even realising it

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

‘ ottering’, it’s a word that author Anna McGovern and I are window, rearranging pencils in almost speaks for itself. For on the same page, as she explores a pot, or filling up a bird feeder,” Pme, it conjures up images the surprising power of this explains Anna. “Sometimes one’s of slow-paced, menial, homey everyday practice in her book, pottering takes a domestic turn: tasks completed one after the Pottering: A Cure for Modern Life. oiling a hinge, sweeping a floor, other – a gentle shift down the to- For Anna, ‘pottering’ can rearranging a cupboard. At other do list, moving without urgency be defined as an unplanned, times, pottering takes you out of or compulsion. I think of days slightly unnecessary activity the home – down to the shops or spent at home, clearing up the from which you derive tiny popping by a neighbour’s.” garden, sorting through a pile bursts of pleasure. “Often it Over the past year, a lot of us of paperwork, and then a walk means spontaneously occupying have been taking a closer look to the shops for some lunchtime oneself with something at our everyday lives, and the essentials. And it seems that inconsequential: looking out a things within our homes and

76 | happiful.com stress special : de-stress

need to do most for our mental And that’s what, at its core, health is, well, as little as pottering should be about. It’s possible. It’s about completing a break for your mind, while simple tasks that make us feel you still make those small steps productive and in control – things forward. When you think about that are low-pressure, that we can it, you’re probably already do without expending too much pottering in your own life – we of our mental or physical energy. all do it, simply because there Anna first discovered the are tasks that need to be done.

Illustrations | Charlotte Ager | Charlotte Illustrations power of pottering at a stage in But the difference between that Five pottering activities to her life where she was feeling and what Anna does is in the try at home overwhelmed, bored, and caught intention. You are setting time to • Light cleaning in a cycle of catastrophising. She work through things in a low- • Clearing out your household’s felt that she had overcommitted stakes way. You’re simultaneously ‘messy draw’ herself on too many fronts, and switching off and valuing and • People watching out the window that her time no longer belonged planning your time productively • Running an errand to a local shop to her. The step she took to – both in terms of ordering your • Digital cleaning – tidy up your address her problems? Booking space and also by prioritising computer files off one day a week to dedicate to those everyday, little wins. pottering. When things feel tough, or “I like that, when I’m pottering, overwhelming, as they often can local areas. Lockdown has come I’m not rushing and can go at my do with everything that’s going with immense challenges, which own pace, whether I potter for a on in the world, it can help to can’t be overlooked, but it also moment, or a couple of hours,” go back to basics. And there’s prompted us to assess the pace of says Anna. “Simultaneously these simple, soothing joy to be found our lives, and ‘pottering’ through two things are true: everyone's in the art of pottering. the days is something that many an expert potterer and no one is of us will now be familiar with. an expert potterer. You can do But did you know that this it frequently but you cannot do simple state of mind could it well. There is no benchmark have real wellness benefits? for success, and so no one can A study published in the judge your performance when journal Mindfulness found that you potter. That can be very completing homey tasks, like liberating. When I booked a day washing up, can lead to a 27% off, I felt the difference after six reduction in nervousness. And weeks. It isn’t thrilling, but it was ‘Pottering: A cure for Modern Life’ that makes sense because, restful and I looked forward to by Anna McGovern is out now sometimes, the thing that we having time that was my own.” (Laurence King Publishing, £12.99).

happiful.com | 77 Make your voice heard Learn how to beat public speaking nerves, and engage your audience

Writing | Ros Knowles Illustrating | Rosan Magar

peaking in public is one Luckily, there are things we mind. Make sure you’re familiar of the most common fears can do to get ourselves into the with any technical equipment S people have, whether ‘conscious mind’, the confident you may need to use – screen it’s presenting to a small group part of our brain, where we can sharing apps, digital whiteboards, of people or contributing in a relax and focus clearly on what and presentation programmes, large meeting. Some people find we have to do. Here are some for example – and be there in enough confidence to get through tips to help you speak up with good time to set up, so you can it, but others may experience confidence. relax knowing all is ready. glossophobia – a fear of public speaking. This phobia results PLAN PRACTISE in a feeling of intense anxiety, Begin by planning what you Fear can stem from worrying and creates the fight, flight, or want to say. Decide how long about what others will think of freeze response, meaning that all it needs to be, and what visual us, that we might make a mistake, sensible thought disappears and aids you might need. If you’re or we could forget what we our memory freezes, too. reporting on important statistics, wanted to say, and that it might If we’re anxious, it’s difficult would a graph be helpful? What not be good enough. Practise it in to think clearly, focus, and to information does your audience front of a few friends and family, remember – three things that are need? It’s a good idea to write so you get familiar with your essential if we are to deliver a talk, your thoughts down, as this helps speech or talking points, and you or speech to any group of people. fix the information into your will grow in confidence as you

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When you are confident it will be easier to relax and engage with your audience

feel in control. When you are we tell it, so give it a positive ENGAGE confident it will be easier to relax message such as “I can do this,” Wherever and engage with your audience “I am fine,” “This will go well,” you can, engage as well. Time your talk so you get “I know I can.” Stand or sit up others by asking the flow right, and remember not straight, and know that you have questions – or to speak too quickly – a slower done enough preparation to inviting them to pace is easier for the audience to be confident. Imagine yourself share ideas – so that the attention take it all in. doing this talk with great success, is not always on you. This will and your brain will believe you! give you some thinking time, and RELAX space to breathe! It also makes We think clearly when we are SMILE the meeting more interesting for relaxed and calm, so take a few The worst bit for people is usually everyone else. A win-win! slow, deep breaths. This reduces the few minutes before the talk, The key things to remember anxiety, and takes us into the part so take some time to be still and are: plan, practise, relax, smile, of our brain that is logical and in focus on being calm, slow your and engage. Say, “I can do it!” control. Our brain believes what breathing, and smile as you Because you can. Good luck! begin. Even just the act of smiling will help you produce serotonin – the feel-good hormone that keeps you in your conscious mind, which is the logical, calm bit. This will counteract anxiety, and your audience may well smile back at you! If you know someone Ros Knowles is a clinical friendly in the room, try to hypnotherapist practising solution focused hypnotherapy, helping focus on them from time to people to make positive time, looking them in the eye to changes in their lives. Find her connect with them. on hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | 79 Hiding in plain sight: self-medicating for our mental health

After a long day, you might crave a glass of wine – it helps you relax, right? Wrong – in fact booze can have a negative impact on our mental wellbeing. It’s time to expose the myths we use to justify our national love affair with alcohol

Writing | Katie Conibear

any of us enjoy a Andy Ryan, psychotherapist, realise we’re self-medicating, drink to unwind at and head of recovery services or having a difficult time. Even the end of a hectic at the charity Changing Lives, during the pandemic, Zoom pub day. We might use says: “Alcohol has been described quizzes and catch-ups have often Msome liquid courage at a party, or as ‘the UK’s favourite coping been punctuated by a good tiple in a new situation. However, when mechanism’, and many of us to lift our spirits. And on the flip drinking, or any substance use, drink to help manage stress, side, if we’re feeling isolated and masks an underlying problem, it anxiety, and depression – lonely, it can be easy to fall into can be habit-forming. despite the fact that alcohol the trap of drinking too much. People often ‘self-medicate’ to can aggravate depression, and “Many people talk about how help them sleep, feel better, or negatively impact your mental they link alcohol with feeling deal with difficult feelings. Alcohol wellbeing.” relaxed and more confident,” can alleviate negative thoughts, Drinking is ingrained in our Andy Ryan explains, “and this anxiety, and other symptoms culture, so it’s difficult to avoid. myth has contributed to our of mental illness – but it’s only Our social lives typically revolve nation’s unhealthy relationship a temporary fix. It’s like putting around going to bars, pubs, and with alcohol. In fact, the change a plaster over a cut that needs restaurants, so no wonder our in our emotional state as we stitches; it’s not going to last. friends and family often don’t drink alcohol is desensitising, stress special : emotions

and feeling less – not more. This within themselves, they begin to drink. When I was depressed and is why people sometimes feel look externally for a solution, to anxious, I would drink to feel shame for what occurred while help meet the world and regulate better, to silence the negative under the influence of alcohol. their emotional state.” thoughts, and to be more “In recovery programmes, we From my own experience, I sociable. often ask: ‘What was drinking went through a stage of drinking I was covering up the cracks, doing for you that you could not every day. I was masking but not working on mending

Illustration | Shutterstock: ivector | Shutterstock: Illustration do for yourself or with others?’ symptoms of mental illness with them. Instead of making me feel This question frames the bigger alcohol, and using it as a coping better, alcohol would leave me picture: when people feel like mechanism. I didn’t want to face feeling even more depressed and they can no longer cope, don’t up to my own condition, bipolar anxious the next day. I realised seem to have the answers, feel disorder, and how it made me that the pay off – numbing the unable to connect, and don’t feel. With mania, my impulses emotional pain for an evening – believe they have the capacity took over, and I would binge was just not worth it. >>>

I was covering up the cracks, but not working on mending them. Instead of making me feel better, alcohol would leave me feeling even more depressed and anxious the next day

happiful.com | 81 Sober living Our social lives revolve around going to bars, Here are a few tips if you’re thinking of going sober or pubs, and restaurants, so no wonder our reducing your alcohol intake, friends and family often don't realise we’re plus ideas to help keep you self-medicating, or having a difficult time on track! • At first, try cutting down I managed to cut back on my “Cognitive behavioural therapy your intake, instead of drinking by creating my own (CBT) can also help you review giving up entirely. Going ‘rulebook’ – which includes never and reframe your behaviour, cold turkey makes it more drinking alone or at home. This and there are some great apps to difficult to give up in the means I’ll only drink when I’m help motivate change and raise long-term. out with friends or family. I’ll awareness,” says Andy. keep to a maximum amount of Dependency on alcohol and • If you want to continue alcohol, and then switch to soft other substances often masks drinking, use cash to limit drinks. It took discipline, but I a bigger problem. Therapy can the amount of drink you now feel mentally healthier. help address these underlying can buy, or change to a issues, and help you to move card with a spending limit. Healthy coping mechanisms forward. Realising that you’re you can adopt instead using substances to cope with • Don’t punish yourself for There are warning signs to your current circumstances, slipping up – it doesn’t watch for: drinking alone, binge past events, or mental health mean you have to fall back drinking, and relying on alcohol problems, is an important step. into old habits. when stressed, depressed, or You might decide to limit your having intrusive thoughts. drinking, or even give up entirely. • Come up with your own Psychotherapist Andy Ryan There is a growing number signature, go-to, non- says: “If you find yourself turning of people who have turned to alcoholic drink when you’re to alcohol, can you pay attention sobriety. Recently, I sent out a out. It can make you feel to your regulation, resilience, simple Tweet, explaining I was like you’re joining in, and dissociation, and desensitisation? thinking of giving up drinking, allowing yourself a treat. You can also try to identify other and I was inundated with sources of support to turn to, messages of support! • It’s also an opportunity instead of alcohol. For example, Make sure you’re not alone, to explore new hobbies #TimeToTalk on Twitter is a great and let people close to you know and interests. Joining initiative, and beginning to talk you’re limiting or giving up book groups, hobby clubs, about your concerns with trusted entirely – and why. The ‘why’ having game nights friends helps. Or if you’re further is important, because it can be with your friends, can all down the road of dependency, turned into a positive. You’re show you there’s more then reach out to your GP, or a giving something up so you can to socialising than just treatment provider in your local be a happier, healthier, more drinking. authority, for support and advice. positive version of yourself.

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The day I’ll never remember… or forget In the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, and while dealing with a stressful family crisis, Keith’s brain decided to take a short break. When it switched itself back on, he needed to find out what had happened…

Writing | Keith Howitt

seem to wake with a start. But I I’m sure I haven’t been asleep, so I’m confused and scared. It’s sunny outside, the clock says it’s the middle of the afternoon, and I’m sitting at the kitchen table. And I have absolutely no idea how I got here. Then everything goes blank. >>>

happiful.com | 83 More than 50 years after its initial description, TGA remains one of the most enigmatic syndromes in clinical neurology

Gradually, like a new scene At the hospital everyone is, Transient means ‘passing’, and opening in a movie, my wife as expected, amazingly kind an episode of TGA rarely lasts and two step-daughters appear and professional. A stream of more than few hours. My own around me. I can’t work out nurses carry out tests, and a event, as far as we can tell, lasted what we’re doing. But then the young A&E doctor gives me a no more than 15–20 minutes. screen fades out again. thorough once-over. I spoke to neuroscientist and The next scene begins, full of Finally, after three hours, the author Dr Dean Burnett, who action. In the kitchen there are doctor tells me they can find explained: “The formation of now two men dressed in green nothing wrong. All my test our memories is an on-going uniforms, wearing face masks. results are fine. My episode is production line, and it’s a They are asking me questions put down to something called very demanding, and delicate and are attaching electrodes to transient global amnesia system. We are not supposed to my chest. (TGA) and I am free to leave. ever stop making memories.” Slowly, things start to make a I’ve been keeping my family During an episode of TGA, little sense again. I recognise in the loop via text, and now sufferers will often ask the my family. I remember the dog it’s confirmed: I haven’t had same questions repeatedly as is called Lilly. I’m asked to write a stroke, I haven’t got a brain they are unable to retain new my name on a piece of paper, tumour, all my vital signs are information. I apparently kept and I can. good. We go home. asking for the day and date. The paramedics say they are But what on earth is TGA? taking me to hospital. Because of And why have I, a journalist Who is likely to have TGA? the pandemic, no one from the for more than 40 years, never The condition usually occurs family can travel with me so they even heard of it? in people between the ages of follow in the car. 50 and 70 – I’m 64. It occurs in In the ambulance, I’m asked What is TGA? about five people per 100,000. The lots of questions, and I can Transient Global Amnesia is paramedics who came for me had answer most of them. Oddly, I where, for a short period of seen a similar case recently. feel physically OK. time, you cannot form new There remains just one major memories (called anterograde What causes TGA? problem – the missing time, amnesia) and have difficulty More than 50 years after its initial possibly just 15 or 20 minutes, recalling recent memories description, TGA remains one of where I have no idea what (retrograde amnesia), but you the most enigmatic syndromes in happened, and no recollection appear otherwise mentally clinical neurology. Quite simply, of what I did. alert and lucid. no one knows what causes it.

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We humans are capable of recognising a danger that isn’t Keith: ‘It was possibly directly in front of us, and that is the weirdest thing I have ever experienced’ essentially what causes stress

Theories include some form of epileptic event (I have no history); a problem with blood circulation to, from, or around the brain (a brain scan showed nothing untoward); mild head trauma (nope); or some kind of migraine- like phenomenon (never had a migraine in my life). About a third of TGA attacks are associated with some form of trigger event, including sudden temperature changes, “In animals, the fight-or-flight to have further episodes, but it is sex, vigorous exercise, and response means that if they see considered unusual to have more emotionally traumatic or a predator, they run or are eaten. than two. Because the cause is stressful events. But we humans are capable of unknown, and it’s unlikely to Dr Burnett said: “Everything we recognising a danger that isn’t recur, there’s not much you can do feeds into our brains, so that directly in front of us, and that is do to help yourself, either. is why it’s so difficult to identify essentially what causes stress.” “It is very disturbing, and can what causes TGA. There seems Dr Burnett said he would not be terrifying, but thankfully it is to be no reason for it, and it is, by be surprised if there was a spike temporary,” said Dr Burnett. its very nature, a difficult thing in TGA – along with many other All I can say is that my TGA to study because it is so fleeting. mental health issues – in the incident was possibly the By the time it is diagnosed it is coming months, sparked by the weirdest thing I have ever usually over.” pandemic pressure and anxiety. experienced. The year 2020, eh? It At A&E, they believed stress Indeed, a teaching hospital in would probably be best to forget could have precipitated my Germany reported 16 TGA cases in it all, anyway. event, as we were dealing with the first four months of lockdown, an emotionally draining family compared to a previous annual Dr Dean Burnett is author of ‘The crisis. Perhaps my overloaded average of 9.7 cases. Idiot Brain’, ‘The Happy Brain’, and brain needed a timeout? for teens ‘Why Your Parents Are “Stress has many knock-on What next? Driving You Up the Wall and What physical and chemical effects The good news is that TGA rarely to Do About It’. Find out more at on us,” Dr Burnett explained. has any after-effects. It’s possible deanburnett.com

happiful.com | 85 Photography | Marcel Strauss

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole“ day is the rest we take between two deep breaths ETTY HILLESUM 86 | happiful.com stress special : emotions Photography | Marcel Strauss

I had to change – or else I’d die Depressed and anxious, Sam turned to alcohol to help him face the world. Instead, it brought him to the brink of losing everything. Now, after turning his life around, he gives help and advice to those facing similar battles with their mental health

Writing | Sam Church

s I lay on the pavement at 4am on a very different reason. I had discovered alcohol freezing night in February 2019, with that night. It was the beginning of the end for A a ripped shirt, no wallet, no phone, me – a fuse was lit – because I thought I’d found an empty can of cider, and covered in snow, I a solution to how I was feeling. thought: “If I just lie here long enough, then From that day on alcohol was my medicine, hopefully I won’t wake up.” and when I started my working career it was I knew that I was out of ideas, with all self- like a ticking time bomb. My first job, as an respect gone, anxiety at an all-time high, and apprentice at a well-known car manufacturer, feeling so depressed that I couldn’t even face my ended as quickly as it started. I couldn’t handle own children. I wanted to die because I couldn’t the pressures of deadlines or other people, do it anymore. But at the same time, I wanted and could never understand why everyone else to live, because of my family. Something had to always seemed so happy. I just thought I was a change, I couldn’t carry on like this... bit grumpy. I didn’t associate me, a 20-year-old Looking back, I had a perfectly normal and man, with the tag of depression. loving upbringing, did reasonably well at school, Instead, I started on a pursuit of happiness, and was successful at sport, so I can’t blame filling my life with different jobs, cars, clothes, anything in particular for what happened to me. and every activity I could imagine. It was like Approaching my late teens, I remember starting having a New Year resolution every month. I to feel disconnected. I began to push close thought filling my world with external fixes friends away, reduced how much sport I played, would change me. Ultimately it didn’t. Nothing Sometimes the most important and eventually felt very isolated and alone. changed the way I was feeling inside. I will always remember my first trip to the My mood fell lower, anxiety was getting “ pub. It was 1 September 2001, and England were higher, panic attacks where becoming bigger – thing in a whole day is the rest we playing Germany at football. England won that essentially my mental health was collapsing. take between two deep breaths game 5-1, but I remember feeling happy for a To top it all, at 22 I was now a heavy drinker. >>> ETTY HILLESUM happiful.com | 87 Sam’s company, Mentality, can help you on your way, offering all the tools you need to look after your body and mind. Find out more at mentalitytheofficial.com, or email [email protected]

In my quest to change the way I felt, I decided to travel the world. I can remember feeling excited, but it was short-lived. It turned into three and half months of uninterrupted daily drinking, at all hours and to the extreme. Nothing, or no one, was going to stop me. I remember being in some of the most beautiful No one should struggle places on earth, with everything to look forward with their mental health, no to, but still feeling desperately unhappy, continuously on edge, wondering what people one should have to suffer were thinking of me, and completely exhausted alone, and no one should be by my own mind. In 2014 I was blessed with my first child, a deprived of the knowledge to beautiful little girl called Eva. The feeling of help them get better becoming a dad was amazing. Holding a baby you had helped to create, and seeing yourself in Every morning I would wake and wonder another form, was beautiful. how it had happened again. Why could I never For six months I tried connecting to Eva, but I go for one drink with family, friends, or work just couldn’t. I loved her with every fibre in my colleagues, without ending up out of control, body, but just couldn’t connect. Night after night alone, and hungover. I would ask myself: “What is wrong with me?” So, the next two years fell into a pattern. I would Today, I know that I had undiagnosed postnatal wake up with a hangover, go to work, come depression. home, say goodnight to Eva, and then drink By 2015, my drinking was out of control, and for the rest of the evening until I fell asleep. I so were the lies. I was looking for shelter from became irrational over simple decisions, I gave everything, and being sober didn’t give me the up on my physical appearance, and just accepted protection I needed. Naturally, I would spend a I was going to be this way for the rest of my life – lot of my time alone, depressed and drunk. unhappy, isolated, living in fear, and depressed.

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said: “Sam, you are an alcoholic, and you have been drinking to help your poor state of mental health.” Four hours later I was in recovery, and the journey to change my life had begun. Within weeks, after speaking with people, and being honest with how I felt, I could notice the difference. I stopped drinking, the cravings went, and my mind started to clear. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I haven’t looked back since, and my life just keeps getting better. What saved my life was being given the knowledge about poor mental health, the knowledge to change, and the support of people Then 2018 brought me another around me. gift – a second little girl. Just So today, I now give this as beautiful as my first, Ada knowledge away. I am a was my little bundle of joy and co-founder of a company she brought so much happiness to me and my called Mentality, which is there to help people family. She was perfect. like me. We provide the tools needed to live a And she brought me some hope. I mean, how happier and healthier life, for free. could a man with a good job, a family, and two No one should struggle with their mental beautiful little girls, live like this? That was why health, no one should have to suffer alone, and something happened to me on that freezing no one should be deprived of the knowledge to night in February 2019, as I lay in the snow, help them get better. wanting to die. To this day, I struggle to explain Hold on to whatever hope you have, because what happened. It was a feeling that I was going change is possible. You can get better, and you to change, and that this time I truly meant it. will live the life you have always wanted. Your Two days later, I went to see my GP, but a next decision could be the one that changes different doctor was standing in. She didn’t ask your life around. Be brave and go for it. me the usual questions, instead she just simply After all, we all deserve to live our best life.

OUR EXPERT SAYS

Sam’s inspirational story highlights the that many of us fall into. With strong will, damaging impact that alcohol can have on determination and good advice, our lives. However, even more so, it evidences Sam was able to break the cycle the wonderful power of the mind. Sam was and live a life that he values. struggling for many years, using alcohol Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred) to cope with difficult emotions – a cycle Counsellor and psychotherapist

happiful.com | 89 Things you don’t Your story. It’s yours to tell – when and if you want to. owe anyone...

The ‘perfect’ body. There are so many more important things than what your body looks like, including all the incredible things it allows you to do.

Keeping it together at all times. It’s OK to feel overwhelmed, and need help.

Your time. How you spend it is up to you.

Being super productive 24/7. We all need time to pause, breathe, and recharge/reflect.

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