2ashlight

Figure 1. Positions for Anal Self-Examination.

32 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- uterus

bladder pubic bone PC muscle tailbone urethral sponge internal clitoral hood sphincter clitoral glans PC muscle leg of external outer lips sphincter urethra G-spot inner lips area bulbocavernosus clitoral muscle bulb

clitoral hood

clitoral glans urethra bulbocavernosus vaginal opening transverse perineum external sphincter perineal body

pubococcygeus (PC) tailbone

Figure 2a. Anatomy of Pelvic Organs and Muscles (female)

38 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- vas deferens seminal vesicle bladder rectum

prostate pubic gland bone

PC muscle tailbone shaft of internal penis sphincter

urethra PC muscle Cowper’s external gland sphincter penile bulb foreskin bulbocavernosus (missing if testicle muscle circumcised) urethral opening

penile shaft

penile glans

bulbocavernosus perineal body transverse perineum external sphincter pubococcygeus (PC) anus

tailbone

Figure 2b. Anatomy of Pelvic Organs and Muscles (male)

B%(%",- ,-% S4#( ( 39 to tailbone

lower rectum internal sphincter to PC pelvic 2oor muscles PC muscle

PC muscle

external sphincter

anal opening external sphincter

Figure 3. Internal and External Anal Sphincter Muscles

I($#+% ,-% A(*$ ( 61 descending colon sigmoid pubic bone colon

rectum rectum anal opening tailbone pubo- rectal sling

front view of body showing the pubo-rectal sling muscle relationship between the supporting the rectum and rectum and colon causing its !rst curve

to sigmoid (S-shaped) colon

tailbone internal sphincters

PC muscle

external sphincter PC muscle external sphincter anal opening

Figure 4. Anatomy of the Rectum

D#$3':%!#(8 ,-% R%3,*7 ( 89 At improper angle, an object runs into the rectal wall, resulting in pain, or, if force is used, possible tissue damage.

At proper angle (variable from person to person), an object enters the rectum smoothly and comfortably.

Figure 5. E#ects of Angle of Entry on Rectal Insertion

D#$3':%!#(8 ,-% R%3,*7 ( 91 Since most readers, while perhaps curious about .sting, are probably not plan- ning to try it themselves, none of the experiential suggestions throughout this book speci.cally refers to .sting. However, anyone who might want to experiment with handballing should devote plenty of time to self-exploration, using the same step-by-step approach to anal-rectal exploration proposed in this book.

I(,!'+*3,#'( ,' B*,, P)*8$ F'! ,-#$ %<=%!#%(3%, we’re going to use a reasonably-sized object to explore the shape and pleasure potentials of the rectum. Some people have a fascination with tales of strange items stuck inside a person’s rectum, neces- sitating an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. /e medical literature is sprinkled with descriptions of these odd cases going back to the 1930s, and the techniques used to remove the o1ending object—including such items as a soda bottle, 2ashlight, baseball, and even a light bulb (ouch!). /ere seem to be far fewer such cases in the current literature. Let’s hope this is because anal play has become less hidden and taboo, and some basic information has seeped into public consciousness. You can eliminate even the slight possibility of such an occurrence by exclu- sively using sex toys with a base for rectal insertion, which is what I strongly recommend. Most have such a base (or balls), but the fact that they’re widest at the tip makes them far from ideal for rectal exploration. “Butt plugs” are speci.cally designed for this purpose. /ey generally look like this:

Figure 6. Basic Design of a Butt Plug.

D#$3':%!#(8 ,-% R%3,*7 ( 95 Fiigure 7. Positions for Anal Intercourse.

142 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- Fiigure 7, cont.

A(") I(,%!3'*!$% ( 143 References and Resources

Presented in three separate sections: (1) Books & Articles, (2) DVDs, and (3) websites. Books of special interest, and all DVDs and websites, include brief descriptions.

BOOKS & ARTICLES Addington, D. (1998). A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. San Francisco: Greenery Press. Anderson, B. and J. Anderson (2000). Stretching. Bolinas, CA: Shelter Publications. Often incorrectly seen merely as a preparation for “real” exercise, this invaluable guide places streching right where it belongs—at the heart of any health- promotion plan. Barbach, Lonnie (2000). For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality. New York: Signet. This updated classic offers a self-awarenss approach for women seeking to become orgasmic, or to expand their enjoyment. Bergner, D. (2009). “What Do Women Want?” New York Times Magazine, January 25, 2009. A fascinating report on women sexologists exploring the many mysteries of female desire and arousal.

R%&%!%(3%$ "(+ R%$'*!3%$ ( 213 Blumstein, P. and P. Schwartz (1983). American Couples. New York: Pocket Books. Brame, W. D. and G. G. Brame (1996). Different Loving: The Worlds of Sexual Dominance and Submission. New York: Villard. An excellent introduction to the many ways in which people enjoy playing with power in their erotic lives. Brough, T. (2006). First Hand: An Erotic Guide to Fisting. Las Vegas: Nazca Plains Corp. Califia, Patrick (2002, 2nd Ed.). Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples. San Francisco: Cleis Press. A gentle guide for couples wishing to expand thir sexual boundaries. CDC (2007). Sexually Transmitted Disease Surveillance, 2006. Atlanta: US Department of Health and Human Services. (www.cdc.gov/hiv/ topics/surveillance). CDC (2008). Male Latex and Sexually Transmitted Diseases: Fact Sheet for Public Health Personnel. (www.cdc.gov). CDC (2009). HIV/AIDS Surveillance Report, 2007. Atlanta: US Department of Health and Human Services. (www.cdc.gov/hiv/ topics/surveillance). Chalker, R. (2000). The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips. New York: Seven Stories Press. This little gem of a book explains and shows the full scope of the sprawling, internal “clitoral body” and how it relates to other pelvic organs and muscles. Clark, Donald (2009, 5th Ed.). Loving Someone Gay. Maple Shade, NJ: Lethe Press. Another updated classic, this remains one of the best guides ever written for gays and lesbians and those who care about them. Connolly, P. H. (2006). “Psychological Functioning of Bondage/ Domination/Sado-Masochism (BDSM) Practitioners.” Journal of Psychology & , 18 (1):79–120. Davis, M., et al (2008, 6th Ed.). Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger. Anyone who’s ever considered finding a relaxation method right for them should look no futher than this concise guide to just about every option available. Dodson, Betty (1996). Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving. Three Rivers Press. Sometimes called the “grandmother of women’s ,” Betty Dodson has been guiding women to new heights of pleasure for as long as I can remember.

214 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- Drew, W. L., et al (1990). “Evaluation of the Virus Permeability of a New for Women.” Sexually Transmitted Diseases, 17 (2):110–12. Easton, Dossie and J. Hardy (2009, 2nd Ed.). The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to , Open Relationships & Other Adventures. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts. Those considering alternatives to monogamy will find plenty of options, and philosophies to go along with them, between these pages. Ebel, C. and A. Wald (2007). Managing Herpes: Living and Loving With HSV. American Social Health Association (www.ashastd.org/ herpes). Ehrenpreis, E. D. (2003). Anal and Rectal Diseases Explained. London: Remedica. Feigen, G. M. (1954). “Proctologic Disorders of Sex Deviates.” California Medicine, 81:79–83. Freud, S. (1900). “The Interpretation of Dreams.” In James Strachey, Ed. Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, Vol. 4. London: Hogarth Press. _____(1905). “Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality.” Complete Works, Vol. 7. _____(1913). “Totem and Taboo.” Complete Works, Vol. 13. _____(1915). “Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis.” Complete Works, Vols. 15 & 16. Gebhard, P. H. and A. B. Johnson (1979). The Kinsey Data: Marginal Tabulations of the 1938–1963 Interviews Conducted By the Institute for Sex Research. Philadelphia: Saunders. Gravina G. L., et al (2008). “Measurement of the Thickness of the Urethrovaginal Space In Women With or Without Vaginal .” Journal of , 5 (3): 610–18. Graham, C. A., et al (2006). “ Loss In Association With Condom Use Among Young Men Attending a Public STI Clinic: Potential Correlates.” Sexual Health, 2006, 3, 255–260. Herrman, Bert (1991). Trust, the Hand Book: A Guide to the Spiritual Art of Handballing. San Francisco: Alamo Square Press. This original guide to fisting presents a sane and sensible approach for gay men wishing to explore it.

R%&%!%(3%$ "(+ R%$'*!3%$ ( 215 Hill, D. R., et al (1995). “Parasitic Diseases: Protozoa.” In Yamada, T., et al. Textbook of Gastroenterology, Vol. 2 (2nd Ed.). Philadelphia: Lippincott. Holmes, G. W. and R. Dresser (1928). “The Use of Amyl Nitrite as an Anti- Spasmodic in Roentgen Examination of the .” American Journal of Roentgenology, 19: 44. Holmes K. K., et al (2004). “Effectiveness of Condoms in Preventing Sexually Transmitted Infections.” Bulletin of the World Health Organization, 82: 454–464. Hunt, M. (1974). Sexual Behavior in the 1970s. Chicago: Playboy Press. Jung, C. G. (1951) “Aion.” Collected Works, vol. 9, Part II (trans. by R. F. C. Huff). Princeton University Press, 1959. Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Castastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. New York: Delta. You won’t find a better introduction to the power of mindfulness. Kegel, A. H. (1952). “Sexual Functions of the Pubococcygeus Muscle.” Western Journal of Surgery, 60: 521–24. Kinsey, A. C., Pomeroy, W. B. and C. E. Martin (1948). Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia: Saunders. _____and Gebhard, P. H. (1953). Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. Philadelphia: Saunders. Laumann, E. O., et al (1994). The Social Organization of Sexuality. Chicago: University of Chicago Press. Leiblum, S., Ed. (2006, 4th Ed.). Principles and Practice of . New York: Guilford. Lever, J. (1994). “Sexual Revelations.” The Advocate, August, 1994. Lindberg, L. D., et al (2008). “Non-Coital Sexual Activities Among Adolescents,” Journal of Adolescent Health (July, 2008): 1–14. Loulan, JoAnn (1990). The Lesbian Erotic Dance: Butch, Femme, Androgyny and Other Rhythms. San Francisco: Spinsters Book Co. Lotney, K. (2000). The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex: A Complete Resource for Women and Men. San Francisco: Cleis Press. Lowry, T. P. (1981). “Bracioproctic Eroticism.” British Journal of Sexual Medicine, 8: 32–33.

216 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- Martin, E. T., et al (2009). “A Pooled Analysis of the Effect of Condoms in Preventing HSV-2 Acquisition.” Archives of Internal Medicine, (July, 2009): 1233–1240. Masters, W. H. and V. E. Johnson (1966). Human Sexual Response. Boston: Little, Brown. _____(1970). Human Sexual Inadequacy. Boston: Little, Brown. _____(1979). In Perspective. Boston: Little, Brown. May, R. (1972). Power and Innocence. New York: Delta. McWhirter, D. P. and A. M. Mattison (1984). The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall. Michael, R. T., et al (1994). Sex In America. New York: Little, Brown. Moore, Thomas (1990). Dark Eros: The Imagination of Sadism. Dallas: Spring. This is a bold and wise look at the meaning and importance of our least civilized erotic urges. Morin, Jack (1995). The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment. New York: HarperPerennial. Moser, Charles. (1999). Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers. San Francisco: Greenery Press. Written by a sexologist and leading physician in the field of Sexual Medicine, this short book is a useful guide to finding competent, non-judgmental healthcare for those with sexually-related concerns. Mosher, W. D., et al (2005). “Sexual Behavior and Selected Health Measures: Men and Women 15–44 Years of Age, United States, 2002.” CDC Vital Health Statistics, No. 362, Spetember 15, 2005. Peterson, J. R. (1983) “The Playboy Readers’ Sex Survey, Part I.” Playboy, 30: 108. Skene A (1880). “The Anatomy and Pathology of Two Important Glands of the Female Urethra.” American Journal of Obstetrics and Diseases of Women and Children. 13: 265–70. Schultz, R. L. (1999). Out In the Open: The Complete Male Pelvis. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books. If you’d like to know, in detail, how the male pelvic area is put together, this book’s for you.

R%&%!%(3%$ "(+ R%$'*!3%$ ( 217 Shlay J. C., et al (2004). “Comparison of Sexually Transmitted Disease Prevalence By Reported Level of Condom Use Among Patients Attending an Urban Sexually Transmitted Disease Clinic.” Sexually Transmitted Diseases, 31: 154–160. Spada, James (1979). The Spada Report. New York: Signet. Stein, A. (2009). Heal Pelvic Pain. New York: McGraw-Hill. This concise and clearly written book with good illustrations is an excellent introduction to the subject. Stoller, Robert J. (1979). Sexual Excitement: Dynamics of Erotic Life. New York: Simon and Schuster. Talley N. J. (2007). “Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders: Irritible Bowel Syndrome, Dyspepsia, and Noncardiac Chest Pain.” In: Goldman, L., et al, Eds. Cecil Textbook of Medicine (23rd Ed.), Chapter 139. Philadelphia: Saunders. Taormino, Tristan (2008). Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. San Francisco: Cleis Press. This is a gentle, yet comprehensive, exploration of the many forms of non-monogamy. Tristan sensitively addresses the potential challenges involved in making these complex relationships work for all involved. Tennov, Dorothy (1999, 2nd Ed.). Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being In Love. Chelsea, MI: Scarborough House. Not only did she write the book on romantic love, she made up this name for its most intense form, a term that’s caught on in . An essential read for anyone who’ve ever been under the spell of romantic passion and wondering what hit them. Also important for those who hope to be in love one day. Thompson, Mark, Ed. (2004). Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice. Los Angeles: Daedalus Publishing. An excellent collection of readings about the many dimentions of unconventional sex, especially among gay men. Tripp, C. A. (1987, 2nd Ed.). The Homosexual Matrix. New York: New American Library. To me this is far and away the most deeply insightful book ever written about homosexuality—and straights will learn a lot too. Turell, R. (1949). Treatment in Proctology. Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins. Weinstock H., et al (2004). “Sexually Transmitted Diseases Among American Youth: Incidence and Pprevalence Estimates, 2000.” Perspectives on Sexual and , 36 (1): 6–10.

218 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- Wise, D. and R. Anderson (2008, 5th Ed.). A Headache in the Pelvis: A New Understanding and Treatment for Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndromes. Occidental, CA: National Center for Pelvic Pain Research. Xu F., et al (2006). “Trends in Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 and Type 2 Seroprevalence in the United States.” Journal of the American Medical Association; 296: 964–73. Zilbergeld, Bernie (1999). The New Male Sexuality. New York: Bantam Books. The final update by the late Dr. Zilbergeld of his classic about the sexual pressures, problems, and possibilities facing virtually all men.

DVDS listed alphabetically Dodson, Betty (2006). Orgasmic Women: Thirteen Self-Loving Divas (90 min). A wide range of brave, real ladies (not porn stars) show exactly how they masturbate, with guidance from famed sex educator, Dr. Betty Dodson. Kramer, Joseph (2007). Anal Massage for Relaxation and Pleasure (160 min). The most comprehensive guide available. Experts demonstrate every imaginable type of anal touch on a variety of happy recipients. Taormino, Tristan (2008). Expert Guide to the G-Spot (120 min). Sundahl, Deborah (2008). Female : The Workshop (90 min). These are both excellent guides to the G-spot and . Shar Rednour, director. Bend Over Boyfriend (60 min) and Bend Over Boyfriend 2 (80 min). (www.fatalemedia.com.) Starring sex educator Carol Queen and others, this was the first video depiction of a woman using a strap-on to give anal intercourse to a man. She brought the word “pegging” into popular parlence for this activity. BOB 2 expands upon the orginal concept with a variety of couples pegging themselves silly. Sinclair Intimacy Institute (2003). The Better Sex Guide to Anal Pleasure (60 min). (www.bettersex.com.) As a number of hetersexual couples demonstrate and freely discuss their experinces, I’m the expert “talking head.” I also wrote the script. Sinclair offers DVDs on a variety of sexual pleasures, all nicely produced, and each combining good with sexually explicit imagery.

R%&%!%(3%$ "(+ R%$'*!3%$ ( 219 WEBSITES listed alphabetically within each category

GENERAL SEXUALITY Female Anatomy from Right Health. www.righthealth.com/topic/ Female%20Anatomy. If you’d like to learn more about the intricacies of female anatomy, this is a one- stop portal for articles, books, blogs, illustrations, videos, and more. But if you hate ads, look elsewhere. Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. www. kinseyinstitute.org. Started by the great sex research pioneer Alfred Kinsey, this center continues to conduct original research at a dizzying pace. Its archives are unriveled. Planned Parenthood. www.plannedparenthood.org. As expected, this is probably the top resource for exploring all options, but it’s also loaded with additional info about STDs, sexual proactices, and much more. Sex Smart Films: Promoting Sexual Literacy. www.sexsmartfilms.com. A large collection of sex-related films made over the past 70 years covering virtually every subject. Many are free, while others are inexpensive via pay-per- view or subscription. Searching for the exact subject(s) you want is easy. A great resource for sex educators. Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. www. siecus.org. The best, most up-to-date source of information and research about effective sex education. The online newsletter is a “must” for those concerned about what works and what doesn’t. The World Professional Association for Transgender Health. www.wpath.org. WPATH, formerly known as the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, is a professional organization devoted to the understanding and treatment of gender identity concerns. It offers a wide variety of publications and resources for trangendered people.

SEX TOYS & SUPPLIES Babes in Toyland. www.babeland.com. Good Vibrations. www.goodvibes.com. Xandria Collection. www.xandria.com. These are all quality sites for browsing and buying sex toys, pleasure supplies of every imaginable type, plus books and DVDs. www.665leather.com. A good source for leather and fetish supplies, including nitrile gloves popular for fisting (handballing).

220 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- MASSAGE (INCLUDING ANAL) New School of Erotic Touch. www.eroticmassage.com. This valuable site offers training to the general public in many aspects of sensual and erotic touch. An impressive faculty provides a changing collection of courses. Sexological Bodywork. www.sexologicalbodywork.com. Here’s the place to learn about the intensive training available for experienced massage therapists who wish to use their touch skills to help clients with sexual problems. Longtime sex educator Dr. Joseph Kramer, launched this new field many years ago. Practitioners, who can be certified by the state of California, have a professional organization complete with ethical guidelines.

DRUG INFORMATION www.12step.org. An excellent guide for those exploring the twelve-step approach (AA was the first) for a wide variety of addictions and other problems. Explains the steps, how they work, and offers resources for in-person and online support. www.cocaine-facts.org. The latest info on cocaine’s effects and current treatments for those who are dependent. LifeRing Secular Recovery. www.unhooked.com. Those seeking self-help support for getting sober who aren’t comfortable with AA should check out LifeRing. Its selection of meetings is puny compared to AA, but this site offers many additional resources, books, and 24/7 online chat. National Institute on Drug Abuse. www.nida.nih.gov. While run by a huge government agency (the National Institutes of Health), this site is a reliable source for the latest science on drugs of abuse. As far as I can see—and I’ve looked pretty closely—you won’t find any old-style scare tactics here. www.tweaker.org. A service of the the SF AIDS Foundation and the Stonewall Project (a harm- reduction-based treatment program for gay men who use crystal meth), tweaker is an excellent, non-judgmental resource focusing on the links between crystal meth and sex. It’s explicit, real, and essential for crystal users.

HEALTH CONCERNS (INCLUDING HIV & STDS) American Social Health Association. www.ashastd.org. Herpes Resource Center. www.ashastd.org/herpes. HPV and Cervical Cancer Prevention Resource Center. www. ashastd.org/hpv. For the latest research and info on all STDs, ASHA is the premier resource available. Special services and newsletters for Herpes and HPV are just a few of their invaluable offerings.

R%&%!%(3%$ "(+ R%$'*!3%$ ( 221 Centers for Disease Control. www.cdc.gov. This is the primary agency of the U.S. government charged with tracking the prevalence and treatments for infectious diseases. Their website is a treasure trove of statistics and information. Healthfinder. www.healthfinder.gov. This searchable encyclopedia of diseases and conditions, with information and services, health tools, and news, is a service of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Also available in Spanish. Hepatitis Foundation International. www.hepfi.org. This is the place to stay informed about all forms of hepatitis and their complications. Medline Plus. www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus. A joint service of the National Library of Medicine (NLM) and the National Institutes of Health (NIH). Provides the latest information on virtually all diseases and treatments (available in 40 languages). The site includes a medical encyclopedia with pictures and diagrams, a medical dictionary, service directories, and current heath news. San Francisco AIDS Foundation. www.sfaf.org. One of the country’s premier HIV & AIDS service organizations. This site is filled to the brim with useful information and resources. Stop AIDS Project. www.stopaids.org. Eveverything you need to know about HIV and safer sex can be found here, plus a whole lot more. Their condom information is especially clear and concise. WebMD® Health. www.webmd.com. Among the most popular sites covering all major health problems and commonly prescribed medications. It’s written in popular language and includes blogs, message boards, and chat rooms for sharing personal experiences. But be prepared for a barrage of ads, mostly from pharmaceutical companies pushing their latest pills. World Health Organization. www.who.int. This organization does similar things on the international level as the CDC does in the U.S. It’s the best place for health statistics around the world.

BDSM, FETISHES, AND KINK Ambrosio’s BDSM website. www.evilmonk.org/A/menu.cfm. Behind this site’s bland facade, you’ll find information and advice about every conceivable aspect of BDSM, including many questions you probably forgot to ask. It offers clear distinctions between abuse and SM play. Cleo Dubois’ Academy of SM Arts. www.sm-arts.com. Training, coaching, and DVDs for BDSM practitioners and the curious.

222 ( A(") P)%"$*!% "(+ H%"),- Daedalus Press. www.daedaluspublishing.com. Greenery Press. www.greenerypress.com. Small presses specializing in books on kinky sex practices. www.fetlife.com. A free membership social networking site (similar to Facebook) for BDSM, kink, and fetish enthusiasts. “For kinksters, by kinksters.” www.gayfisters.com. An online community for gay men interested in fisting (handballing). TES. www.tes.org. The Society of Janus. www.soj.org. TES and Janus are the two oldest BDSM support organizations in the country. These sites offer a wealth of information, training programs, and events. www.xtube.com. Use this site’s search function to find X-rated video clips (many XXX) depicting virtually any sexual activity imaginable. Not for the prudish. Adults only!

R%&%!%(3%$ "(+ R%$'*!3%$ ( 223