Making Mad Home and Other Love Stories: Mad Performative Autoethnography, Collaborative Research-Creation, and Mad-Accessible Trauma-Informed Practice by Lindsay Meghan Eales A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Faculty of Kinesiology, Sport, and Recreation University of Alberta © Lindsay Meghan Eales, 2018 Abstract This is a love story about Mad research-creation, and about what we can learn when we draw together Mad theory with Mad performance and Mad-accessible, anti-oppressive, trauma- informed practice. This research-creation project gives weight to social and political conceptualizations of, as well as deeply embodied and sensorial engagements with, both ‘mental illness’ and trauma. Informed by my work as a Mad artist, performer and inclusive creative movement practitioner who works in the field of adapted physical activity, this project also centers artistic creation, performance, and practice-based suggestions for inclusive and adapted movement programming. In the first chapter of this dissertation, I introduce Mad studies and Mad theory, offer some exemplars of Mad performances that inform this project, and discuss how mental illness and trauma is currently being taken up in the field of Adapted Physical Activity. In chapter two, I explicate research-creation as this project’s overarching methodology, and articulate this research-creation dissertation as a series of nesting dolls: three smaller inter- related research-creation projects that nest together and speak to one another. One of these nesting dolls, discussed in chapter three, mobilizes performative autoethnography and performative writing to theorize Mad autoethnography as episodic and cyclical. To do this, I reference three episodes that (de)compose this cycle of autoethnography, including a performance entitled “Mad Dance,” a publication of Mad performative writing entitled “Loose Leaf,” and a participatory performance entitled “The Mad Dance of Grad School: A Choose Your Own Adventure.” Another nesting doll, detailed in chapter four, highlights choices and learnings from the collaborative research-creation project Mad Home: a sensorio-political participatory performance and website. These choices and learnings include: becoming affected by friends and ancestors across time and space; decorating our walls with the stories we want to tell; finding ii home through dialogue; honouring our needs and desires in collaboration; inviting into discomfort and distress; curating for anti-pathologization, access, and support; curating for memory and breaking-as-resilience; curating Mad sensory worlds; and sharing Mad Home beyond these walls. A third nesting doll, discussed in chapters five and six, introduces trauma- informed practice to the field of Adapted Physical Activity. Chapter five unpacks a multiplicity of ways to conceptualize trauma and mental distress, including: psychiatric conceptualizations; social and political conceptualizations; embodied conceptualizations; as well as intersectional, intergenerational and historical conceptualizations. Chapter six outlines eight action domains featuring practice-based suggestions for enacting Mad-accessible, anti-oppressive, trauma- informed practice. These include: challenging pathologization, normalization, and sanism; acknowledging that structural inequality exists and does damage; recognizing privilege; dealing with embodied discomfort; doing our homework; valuing marginalized histories, struggles, perspectives and choices; shifting language; and shifting environments. These suggestions are offered to support adapted and inclusive movement practitioners in making our practices more accessible, affirming, and invitatory for all, but most especially for those impacted by trauma and distress. In my conclusion, which is really about beginning again, I outline what I have learned about what maddened art and living can do, and the ways that this project continues to craft new nesting dolls, episodes, homes, practices, and love stories of survival and flourishing. iii Preface Ethics approval for the collaborative research portion of this dissertation was obtained from the University of Alberta’s Research Ethics Board. This study (study ID number: Pro00063550) was approved on February 27, 2017, under the project name “Collaborative Research Creation on Madness and Performance”. As discussed in chapter 3, a portion of my autoethnographic work has been published in the Canadian Journal of Disability Studies during the course of writing my doctoral dissertation. I am the sole author of this work. See Appendix A for a copy of this publication. The citation for this publication is: Eales, L. (2016). Loose Leaf. Canadian Journal of Disability Studies, 5(3), 58-76. http://dx.doi.org/10.15353/cjds.v5i3.297 iv Acknowledgements To my graduate committee, I extend my most sincere gratitude. To Donna Goodwin, my supervisor: you always ask the important questions, and you have taught me so much about reflexivity and critically engaged professional practice. You have also crafted space for me to madly think, write, and be, throughout my entire graduate career. This is an immeasurable and treasured gift. To Natalie Loveless: your gentle and powerful enactment of research-creation as a way of being is world-making. Thank you for this, for introducing me to performance art scholarship, for writing retreats, and for fireworks. To Chlöe Taylor: your practice of Mad politics in teaching and mentoring makes space for so many who would otherwise be excluded. Thank you for modelling what this can be like in action, and for your plant babies and epic vegan cookies. To Diane Conrad: the entire trajectory of my work and world was shifted by your courses on arts-based and participatory research. Your guidance, mentorship and support has made many difficult moments feel both more possible and more artful, and for this I am deeply grateful. Thanks to Michele Decottignies, JD Derbyshire, and Rebecca John for teaching me so much, and learning with me, about Mad art and community. To Nathan, Alexis, dales, and Sarah: you are inked on my body and are around every corner of my home. I encounter blue paint and glitter and my love for you every day. To my mommio: your passionate encouragement to get an education, and the long hard labour you put in supporting dance, has sparked so many opportunities that make my life so rich. Your open-mindedness and desire to learn teaches me a lot about how I hope to live in the world. Thank you for this, and for the ongoing love and support from you and Pat. v To Danielle: the best friend and partner I could ever imagine. There aren’t enough words, so I’ll dance it for you. Thank you to the Faculty of Kinesiology, Sport, and Recreation for their support of my graduate work. Thank you to the University of Alberta, who provided funding for this doctoral work through the Doctoral Recruitment Scholarship, Andrew Stewart Memorial Graduate Prize and the President’s Doctoral Prize of Distinction. Thank you to the Social Science and Humanities Research Council, who have also supported this work with the Vanier Canada Graduate Scholarship. vi Table of Contents Abstract ........................................................................................................................................... ii Preface............................................................................................................................................ iv Acknowledgements ......................................................................................................................... v Table of Contents .......................................................................................................................... vii List of Figures or Illustrations ....................................................................................................... xii List of Abbreviations ................................................................................................................... xiii Chapter 1 - Introduction: Mad Theory, Performance, and Mad-Accessible Movement Practice........................................................................................................................................... 1 Mad Studies .................................................................................................................................... 4 Mad Studies and Foucault ........................................................................................................... 5 Mad Movements ......................................................................................................................... 8 Mad Articulations ..................................................................................................................... 11 On Mad Identity ........................................................................................................................ 19 Post-Structuralist Mad Praxis ................................................................................................... 23 Madness and Performance ............................................................................................................ 27 Medical Performances of Madness ........................................................................................... 28 Representations of Madness in Performance ............................................................................ 31 Performing Madness Against