The Final Frontier Podcasts Aplenty Culture Club

Danielle Maynard interviews solar scientist Jordan Margetts welcomes you to Night Vale Daniel Vernon reflects on the rebirth of āM ori Lucie Green; steers clear of Star Trek references and other places representation in pop culture [1]

ISSUE FOUR CONTENTS

8 10 NEWS COMMUNITY

HOUSING HANG-UPS FLEEING AMERICA We’re still talking about those An American seeks sanctuary in pesky foreign investors Auckland

20 22 FEATURES LIFESTYLE

A BETTER DONALD RAW Nikki Addison is madly in love Like the food at Little Bird with Donald Glover Unbakery, not like the wrestling

25 33 ARTS COLUMNS

GARY OF THE PACIFIC PRESCIENT POPULAR CULTURE An interview with lead actor, Josh Thomson Michael Clark discusses finding solace in the surreal Got a legal problem e.g. Tenancy or Struggling to pay Employment? your bills?

Dissatisfied with your course or grades? We can help! Have a dispute with a student or staff member? Facing a disciplinary meeting? Having a personal crisis? We offer free support, advice and information to all students.

Student Advice Hub Free // Confidential // Experienced // Independent[4]  Old Choral Hall (Alfred St Entrance)  [email protected]  09 923 7299  www.ausa.org.nz Got a legal problem e.g. Tenancy or EDITORIAL Struggling to pay Employment? your bills? Catriona Britton Samantha Gianotti Dissatisfied with your course or grades? In Virginia, high school football is a way of life

We at Craccum are very fond of finding ways to care about, or accepting free trials of things that when well-known characters are white and di- distract ourselves from the crushing weight of their followers might be interested in. Hell, we’d versity is displaced in favour of actors with box ignoring course readings, bed times, and the fact accept and promote the shit out of a stack of Ev- office pull. But on the flipside, we can shape We can help! that we haven’t met our 5+ A Day requirement erlasting Gobstoppers, or tiny airplane-portion the trajectory of film or music or art or litera- since 2008. Such means of distraction often Cookie Time cookies, or some schweet Remem- ture by demanding more, and abstaining from manifest in the form of watching Shrek 2 clips ber the Titans memorabilia. Whether we’re see- the things that don’t serve to deliver us with on YouTube, licking the flavour from Woodfire ing promotions for Tinder, or concealer, or that enough. We can stand steadfast in our calls for Have a dispute BBQ Copper Kettles, or weeping while watch- black charcoal mask that’s all over Facebook and greater diversity, or more effective representa- ing Remember the Titans on Netflix for the sev- is terrifying and genuinely looks like it would tion in the movies we watch and the music we with a student or enth time in a month. During one particularly rip out your nasal cartilage faster than you can listen to; we can hold onto our hard-earned feverish YouTube spell, in between watching the say “Denzel Washington”, the point is this: the dollars and allow our abstention to amplify staff member? music video for “Footloose” and “Ten Hours of corporate fat cats are working really, really hard our voices when we speak out and say that what Facing a Kill Bill Siren Sound”, we stumbled across a vid- for your money. Your time. Your approval. (Al- we’ve got now is not good enough. Platforms eo where a well-known vlogger sat down to do a most as hard as the TC Williams racially-inte- like Patreon and Kickstarter give us a direct disciplinary paid advertorial for Tinder, giving her followers grated high school football team worked under line to donate to content producers we wish to the skinny on how the app helped her meet her Denzel Washington’s tutelage in an early 2000s support, allowing those out of the mainstream, current boyfriend. banger-of-a-football-film, amirite?) They seek privileged zeitgeist to receive direct support meeting? Paid advertorials offering cheeky promotion out celebrity endorsements, targeting individu- from fans, unconstrained by corporate concerns Having a for a product are of course nothing new. Yet ev- als with thousands of followers, having the peo- or agendas. ery man and his dog surely already knows what ple you love promote products they like in the We get to decide where we draw the line, personal crisis? Tinder is for—an app to help you find a date, or hope that you might like them too. where we place our passions, where and how we meet new people, or to be downloaded in a fit And in doing this, they’re giving us power. spend our money. Whether it be taking a stand of desperation after watching the cast and crew The bigwigs want us to buy certain things and against films that partake in whitewashing and commentary on your DVD copy of The Social watch certain things and listen to certain things. undermine the representation of minorities (@ Network and realising that Andrew Garfield and And it can be difficult to use this power wisely. Ghost in the Shell, 2017), or supporting a film Jesse Eisenberg were so in love with each other (Great responsibility, and all that.) When we where high school football serves to heal a ra- and did they know that they were both so in love see films likeManchester by the Sea we may find cial divide (@Remember the Titans, 2000), we with each other and if those two can’t make it ourselves giving tacit approval to a man accused can show what we care about through what we We offer free support, work then honestly what is the ? point of seedy and gross acts against women; when we choose to consume. Denzel Washington de- There’s certainly nothing wrong with people contribute to Dr Strange grossing $677 million manded perfection from his players—we stand advice and information being paid money to promote products they worldwide we suggest that we don’t really mind entitled to demand the same. ◆ to all students.

Student Advice Hub Free // Confidential // Experienced // Independent [5]  Old Choral Hall (Alfred St Entrance)  [email protected]  09 923 7299  www.ausa.org.nz NEWS The Family Carers Case Resurfaces BY MEG WILLIAMS

The “Family Carers Case”, which may Golriz Ghahraman, one of the lawyers Rights of Disabled Persons, which the Act ring bells for some, is officially back in the working for Shane Chamberlain’s case. does not appear to be opting out of.” Auckland High Court. “[Palmer] was interested in the fair- “We say the application of the Funded The case first appeared in 2012, when ness argument, and in particular in the Care policy in this case creates a system the courts ruled in a landmark decision argument that there was a ‘legitimate ex- that is discriminatory and degrading, in that the Ministry of Health’s policy of re- pectation’ that not only fair process would breach of the convention. We also argued fusing to pay family members to provide be followed in making the funding de- that if the Government wants to opt out support services to their disabled family termination, but an expectation as to the of an international obligation it must do members was in conflict with the NZ Bill substantive outcome (that 40 hours of care so by explicit act of Parliament.” of Rights Act, as it was an unjustifiable dis- would be funded).” “The Judge may rule on this point, crimination on the basis of family status. “This is a new legal argument in terms which would be novel for NZ law.” In response to this, the New Zealand of New Zealand law, and His Honour Paul Dale, one of the legal team mem- Public Health and Disability Amendment asked that we address him on develop- bers for Chamberlain, said, “The Crown Bill was passed under urgency. However, ments in this area in the UK.” say in this document that there is great fis- many viewed this as unsatisfactory as it The Crown fought for the Ministry’s cal consequence to making the payments still prohibits payments from being made right to pay the family carers only for sought.” to family members except in accordance specified tasks. When asked by the judge “But what is of great fiscal conse- with Funded Family Care policies. Ef- whether this was a case about care or min- quence is having this very senior and well fectively, the Bill as it stands only allows utes and hours, the Crown said care could paid team of Crown lawyers fighting over payments to some family members (but only be measured in terms of minutes and whether this lady should get paid $15 per not spouses or partners) in very narrow hours because only certain tasks could be hour or not.” circumstances. paid for—not the full care provided by The judgment will take at least a few The legislation also blocks any future family carers. months, and it is expected that the Crown claims being taken to the Human Rights “For the plaintiffs,” Ghahraman says, will likely appeal any decision against Commission, the Human Rights Tribunal, “another significant point was that NZ is them rather than advise the Ministry to or to the courts on the basis of the new leg- a signatory to the UN Convention on the reverse its policy. ◆ islation being discriminatory. The issue has resurfaced, however, with a case being brought to the Auckland High Court to judicially review the deci- sion to refuse to pay family members for hours they need to care for their disabled loved ones. The plaintiffs in the current case are Dianne Moody, Shane Chamberlain, and Jane Carrigan. Mrs Moody is the mum and full-time carer of Shane, who is intellectu- ally disabled. The case was heard before Justice Palmer of the High Court. “He was very attentive and sympa- thetic to the plight of Shane and Dianne, as well as the family carers generally,” says

[6] NEWS AULSS Seeking Sign-Ups From First-Year Law Students BY ELOISE SIMS

Concerns have been expressed over the gain.” a benefit that cheaper membership would Auckland University Law Students’ Soci- “It’s a strange spot to be in. We’re full of a provide. ety’s decision to admit first-year students lot of uncertainty.” He noted also that the increased fee was for the first time, after it emerged that Part I When contacted for comment on the to combat financial loss AULSS would suffer students were being charged $10 more than difference in entrance fee, AULSS President by allowing first-years to become members, Part II students for membership. Jason An stated that the increased cost was as first-years are a significant market for stein In a reported endeavour to make Part I to compensate for organising workshops for ticket sales; if they receive free entry through students “feel welcome, and to ease the stress a larger group of students, requiring “bigger membership, “that in turn makes [AULSS] of first year”, AULSS members have actively lecture theatres and… more students to come lose money in future ticket sales and thus encouraged first-year sign-ups to the organ- and take these workshops”. that must be recovered somewhere.” isation. He further noted that the time spent An concluded, “We are a student or- While Part II and older students are organising additional events was a factor, ganisation. We don’t charge extra so that we being charged $20 for membership (which noting that AULSS already “ha[s] close to can pay each other or buy appliances for our includes free access to steins and exam work- 30 events that we run in the course of a term common rooms. Our rationale behind every shops), Part I students are being charged $30 so adding more for part Is [sic] will take a decision we make is what is fair for our stu- for the same package. lot [of ] our own time,” and that while the dents.” A first-year student, who asked to remain AULSS Executive do not pay themselves a Fourth-year Law student, Meg Williams, unnamed, has expressed upset over AULSS’ wage for their work, they wish “to be able to has condemned the strategy as exploitative behaviour. raise funds to make improvements at [the] of the vulnerability of first-year students. “The extra money they’re charging us law school.” “Most of those students won’t get into makes me, and other first-year Law students Additionally, he expressed that there Part II Law, so it just sounds like a way to feel like they’re exploiting our fear about get- “must still be some benefit for making it into squeeze some money out of them before ting into next year for their own monetary law school and being part 2 [sic] and up”; they’re kicked to the curb.” ◆

“I Have A Dream To Be Worse Than Hitler” Says AUT European Students Association Prez BY LAUREN WATSON

You may have thought it was over after the contrast to the University of Auckland or- declined to comment on his tweets when “Auckland University European Students ganisation, whose motto was thought to be contacted by Craccum. Association” had shut down. However, in reference to the SS, and whose page displayed In speaking with Stuff, President Steven the wake of the O-Week publicity storm, the images of William Hobson. Hofman of the Australasian Union of Jewish AUT New Zealand European Students Asso- However, the club has somewhat come Students New Zealand said this “only adds to ciation subsequently formed in early March. under recent controversy, after the organi- the discomfort Jewish students already feel in The group claimed in an interview with sation’s President featured this quote on his expressing their Jewish identity on campus, Stuff that, much like the University of Auck- Twitter biography: because of fear of vilification and abuse”. land European Students Association, they “One question to ask yourself: are you a AUJS New Zealand have also requested were “trying to educate people on European feminist? If so, fuck off into the kitchen.” AUT perform a full investigation into the cultures”. “If not, hi, how are you?” club’s activities, and the individual responsible. Activities of the club included meeting up On the same account that has now been AUT’s Clubs Department have not for- once a week, to study a European culture and deleted, he also tweeted, “I have a dream to mally responded at the time of print. eat food related to that culture. one day be worse than Hitler” followed by a However, they have previously stated that Their Facebook page featured a Latin joke about the Holocaust. the new club was not affiliated with the uni- motto that translated to, “Build better com- Both he and the Vice-President of the versity in any way, having not registered with munities through understanding others”—in AUT NZ European Students Association other clubs in early March. ◆

[7] NEWS Half of all Aucklanders blame Asian investors for housing prices BY MARK CASSON

A recent survey has found that Auckland has been studying and surveying New to make money, and properties are a good residents are blaming the Asian culture Zealanders on attitudes toward our Asian way to invest money—which is what at- group and foreign investors for the ev- community for nineteen years. tracts a lot of foreign investors to New er-increasing price of the housing market. With the mounting pressure from for- Zealand.” Nearly 54% of residents surveyed with- eign investors, the housing market is sure The study also found that 45% of all in Auckland and Hamilton felt that Asian to rise with a huge number of homeowners respondents thought New Zealand was residences and foreign investors were driv- not being New Zealand residences. allowing too much investment from Asia, ing housing prices up. The survey was done But being a foreign investor, doesn’t but 51% were positive about the long-term by the Asia New Zealand Foundation, necessarily mean they’re of Asian ethnic- benefits of immigration from Asia to New with the findings displayed in their annual ity. Zealand. ◆ magazine, Think Asia. University of Auckland student Pame- Newshub interviewed the foundation’s la Widjaja said, “If they are targeting Asian Executive Director, Simon Draper, to people for the cost of the increasing hous- comment on the results. ing market, then I do find that offensive.” Draper stated, “We tried to shine a bit “Most people are aware that Asians of light rather than heat on the issue.” aren’t to blame. People are mature enough “Four per cent of house sales to for- to know that. But most investors are from eigners were recorded by Land Informa- overseas, and it does create an impact on tion New Zealand—and just over half the local residents.” were to Chinese people.” Homeowner and local resident Max “So if you think two per cent is driving Zhang notes, “The whole world is chang- those house price increases, that seems a ing, the traditional trading environment is stretch to us.” crashing.” The Asia New Zealand Foundation “Businesses are looking for other ways

1200 Teachers Strike For Fair Pay At UoA BY MATTHEW NICKLESS

The Tertiary Education Union at the Uni- raised fees for students by the maximum 4% calls for a living wage during Orientation Week. versity of Auckland went on strike on March allowed, it would seem that they have been Staff at VUW were joined by students 16th, protesting the lack of equal pay at UoA. reluctant to do the same with staff wages. and alumni who voiced support for the pol- A press release from the TEU stated that The main point of the protest appears to icy, reflecting the impact that University staff the strike was in response to the Vice-Chan- be that while pay rises have been offered, the have on the student body and the wider com- cellor’s refusal to agree to requests made by increments have not been equal across the munity. the TEU for “an equal pay increase for all of board. In speaking with Radio New Zealand, our members”, and a living wage for the low- This leaves some staff with a wage that is TEU spokesperson Josanne Blyth said that est paid members of University staff. below the living wage, calculated at $20.20 the strike action was to support the low- It is estimated that 1200 TEU-aligned per hour by the New Zealand Family Centre est-paid members of the University commu- teachers and workers took strike action, Social Policy Unit. It is for these staff mem- nity. with around 300 attending a rally at the City bers that the TEU is advocating in its latest "A lot of those people are on wages they Campus. strike action. struggle with.” This protest was the latest in what seems The issues raised by the TEU are not “This is an institute that teaches equity, like a long and drawn out history of bargain- unique to Auckland either. we have students work here—it's about them ing between the two parties. In Wellington, where the cost of living has seeing that this institution can treat people While the University has continually been increasing, Victoria University also saw fairly.” ◆

[8] NEWS Ketamine—Party Drug to Antidepressant? BY LAURA KVIGSTAD

Ketamine is being used in a clinical trial at the “sedative dose about a 1/10th of the anesthet- University of Auckland for its antidepressive ic dose.” She further explained that the dose effects. Dr. Suresh Muthukumaraswamy, a is low to avoid psychosis and hallucinations. senior research fellow in the University’s Rachael Sumner, another postgraduate School of Pharmacy and Psychology, is con- student contributing to the study, explained ducting the study. that before participants can enter the study The report “Recent Trends in Illegal they are given an approximately two-hour Drug Use in New Zealand 2005-2007”, long evaluation—that includes examination published by Massey University, found ket- of psychology, physiology and family history amine to appeal to drug abusers for its 1–2 in order to reduce risk to those involved with hour hallucinations. Ketamine was linked to the study. a range of “unpleasant psychological effects The study has recruited 10 participants including anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, so far. Of these participants, three have com- persistent perceptual changes, depression, pleted the study, with two showing signs of suicide, paranoid delusions, fragmentation of benefitting from ketamine treatment. personality and aggression.” Sumner wished to explain that partic- On December 1st 2010, ketamine was ipants are “wanting to further the under- scheduled as a Class C drug under the Mis- standing of depression, in order to make use of Drugs Act 1975. The possession of other people's experiences better than what ketamine can result in 3 months in jail and/ they’ve had.” or a $500 fine. Muthukumaraswamy explained the tri- Participants of the trials will have been di- als will be underway over the next year, but agnosed with a major depressive disorder, are hopes studies on ketamine will continue be- currently experiencing a depressive episode, yond this. ◆ and have tried two or more antidepressant that did not have an effect on them. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS IN REGARDS TO THE STUDY, YOU CAN GET IN CONTACT Rebecca Grass, a postgraduate student WITH REBECCA AT DEPTRIAL@AUCKLAND. aiding in study, explains that they are using a AC.NZ OR CALL 098891904.

All motions for this meeting must be hand- Notice is hereby given for the ed in to the AUSA Office Manager by the following dates: Deadline for Constitutional Changes is 12pm, AUSA AUTUMN Tuesday, 14 March 2017.

GENERAL MEETING Deadline for Other Agenda Items is 12pm, Tuesday, 21 March 2017. to be held WEDNESDAY, 29 MARCH 2017 at 1.00 pm Student Union Quad

[9] COMMUNITY

An American In Auckland Fleeing the tyranny of the Trump Administration, Adnan Ahmed writes about his experience moving down under to little ol’ New Zealand

It’s 7am in the CBD, and nobody is willing to in power, and he’s got all the racists and fas- accepting more degenerates this year than ever serve me the nine beers I need to start the day. cists behind him. I don’t think he really cares before, and I’m in. But you first have to climb By nobody, I mean the faux Belgian bar on Vul- enough to dislike my kind so much, but he the highest ascent through Albert Park. And can Lane. To keep this fine establishment from does have to perform for the people that voted a minute after the plateau, the cops usher me calling the police on a degenerate ordering nine him in. Along with that, I heard everything in into the basement of the library. I thought they litres of beer in the morning, I asked for six or- Auckland is halal. So why not join the Univer- were going to round-up all of us degenerates ders of waffles for the eight other friends that I sity and hang out with kiwis? Who doesn’t love and execute us like they do down in the slums claimed will be joining me for morning drinks. a Muslim-American refugee? Certainly not the of Brazil. To my horror, I learned instead that Well of course, not all of us want heavy waffles 4,500,000 New Zealanders who are willing to there is no defence of provocation in New Zea- for breakfast, some of us just want 6% beer. I take a colossal 1,000 people a year. With such land—I can’t assault someone because I don’t down all the beers as fast as I can before the a high number, NZ would be able to fill Eden like their opinion. My god, how do you people waitress comes back with the waffles. Park full of refugees after only 50 years. talk about politics if punching an opponent “Bacon? Can’t you see that I’m a devout Mus- I honestly don’t know what the hell hap- isn’t allowed?! Or are politics never discussed, lim?! I can’t eat swine. My Muslim friends are so pened. I don’t know one person who voted for and instead there are debates on whether an offended, they came and left, barely touching their Trump. Either that, or about half of my white Australian should design the NZ flag? beers. We will never drink another drop of beer female friends were lying to me. I highly doubt As I sit there hearing all my professors ei- from this establishment.” I started off eloquent, but it, however, as they don’t think sexual assault is ther using Trump as an example for assault, or the sauce hit me and I’m pretty sure I said the first an acceptable form of greeting. Maybe Russia just generally making fun of him, I zone out part of my statement a dozen times. She informs did do something. Maybe the Cold War didn’t and think about how America is the butt of me I still owe her $150 for all the beer, so I pay her end with the falling of the Berlin Wall. Maybe all the jokes, and Canada is seen as virile; how with three crisp $50 notes and leave. I hope the staff it ended after Russia put Trump in power. I thousands of Kiwis actually left their homes have a nice breakfast of rejected bacon waffles. It’s guess they won. But the numbers simply don’t because the weather was great and protested on me, workers. The Belgian immigrant serving me add up. Most of the fascists I have seen wanting the TPPA to no avail, but Trump effectively probably gets paid minimum wage; she probably to see Trump in power are too illiterate to reg- stopped it by just saying “yeah, nah”; and how I doesn’t get bathroom breaks and has to clock out ister to vote. Or maybe, everyone’s impressions feel more American in New Zealand than I ever before starting her cleaning duties. This is a won- of Americans are accurate. Maybe I’m wrong. did in the United States. derfully efficient workplace process imported from In any case, I’m here to stay intoxicated No doubt the fascism will follow New Zea- the hard-working business administrators in their for the remainder of Trump’s Presidency. And land just as McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC, corner offices of America. from what I hear, 4–8 years is about the average Subway, Carl’s Jr, Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, Two months ago, I barely managed to es- for a degree at UoA, so this works out well with Pizza Hut, Dominos, Denny’s and the Obe- cape the Homeland with my American pass- the amount of Levi’s I stuffed in my luggage. sity Epidemic™ did. Kiwis will do anything port, a 24-pack of Budweiser, and a suitcase full Where I’m from, the temperature ranges from for a bit of Americana. Hell, if you want to of skinny-leg Levi’s. I thought I would be able –30°c to 38°c, so being here provides stability. dupe customers into eating at your restaurant, to barter those American jeans for rent, food The walls in homes aren’t insulated, and may- just throw in an American state in front of and booze, but there’s something shady going be it feels colder inside than I’ve ever felt, but the food you make (e.g. “Texas” Chicken or on in the Auckland property game, and my at least the fascists are far away. It rains a lot in “Wisconsin” Burger). Lucky for most Kiwis, plan fell flat on its face. Also, 5% Budweiser is really annoying ways here, but we have Trump Trump only knows New Zealand because of available in New Zealand. It’s twice as expen- over in the US chipping away at everyone’s civil Bob Charles, the golfer. Once he realises this is sive as in the Homeland, but still cheaper than liberties, so I think Auckland wins again. a huge country with a lot of coastline and re- even the cheapest 4% Lion Red. Why? I’m doing my best to make the World’s sources, the Sky Tower may become the Trump I needed to escape America. Trump is Highest climb. Apparently, the Law School is Sky Tower. Goddamn, I need a drink. ◆

[10] COMMUNITY Policy vs. The Politician Upcoming By Rachel Buckman Community

Passionate and controversial political debate is one agree with, and a person you just don’t like. Instinc- Events of my favourite kinds of verbal jousting. (You could tively this may seem contrary to good and wholesome say I’m getting more joy out of election year than your political discourse. While I do believe there is a need Ready to average 20-year-old.) to become informed rather than just pick whoever Dress for Success? Don’t let that confuse you into thinking I’m an you get a good vibe from, when it comes to our two expert—I’m just opinionated and vocal. As someone largest parties, there is some justification to judging When: 30th March, 5:00pm–8:30pm with an average level of political knowledge, I’ve no- their leaders. Unless something quite strange hap- Where: The Sapphire Room, Ponson- ticed something interesting about how us “normal pens, one of those men will be the next Prime Min- by Central, 136–138 Ponsonby Rd folk” talk about politics. Our “political conversations” ister. No matter what your voting slip says, you’re Price: Free! sound less like in-depth discussion about particular not just voting for a party, your vote also influences Age restrictions: All ages policies that matter deeply to us, and much more like who is going to represent our country for the next Event info: “Get the girls together a gossip session about our least favourite politicians. three years. In an MMP system with coalitions and for an evening of designer shopping The housing crisis seems to require an Econom- supply and trade agreements (excuse the lingo, I took and support a cause that makes a ics degree to understand properly, but anyone can Law121 and it potentially forever changed me), even difference to the women in our channel their inner high-school mean girl and make if you’re not voting for National or Labour your vote community. Incredible designer and a judgement call on the personalities that continu- isn’t exactly neutral. vintage garments. Clothing sizes ously pop up in the news. We’re doing it before we We don’t live in some dystopian system where 6–16+, shoes, accessories, handbags. even realise it. The problem is, with a few throwaway our leader is all-powerful, but that doesn’t mean the In Auckland, we currently assist over comments a politician can forever polarise your opin- position isn’t an incredibly important factor in how 1,500 women each year as they enter ion—so is it a valid place to base your political stance? we perceive our country. The Prime Minister is the or return to the workforce – through Case and point—Bill English. Only Prime Min- person who stands on stages at flash international our wraparound programmes – ister for a handful of months, but he’s made a few events and who will, ideally, inspire awe in the eyes of dressing, career support and job re- choices I’d categorise as questionable. He’s made it impressionable young kids. Whatever degree of patri- tention and leadership”. clear he’s not a feminist. He’s not pro-choice. He’s not otism you possess, you still have a right to want a per- Find out more at: going to visit Waitangi on Waitangi Day. These are all son you feel comfortable with being the figurehead of HTTPS://WWW.EVENTFINDA. CO.NZ/2017/DRESS-FOR-SUCCESS- statements that could easily turn you against him as New Zealand. That means judging not just their pol- AUCKLAND-DESIGNER-FASHION- an individual. If you decide you’re not big fan of Bill icies, but their personality and morals generally. To a SALE/AUCKLAND/PONSONBY English, does that also mean you’re not a big fan of the lesser (yet still very tangible) degree, you could say the National party? Are the two the same thing? same applies to every MP sitting in Parliament. Interested in politics? Want to do Mulling over an article about required child im- While politics shouldn’t bubble down to a pop- your part in NZ after the horrors munisation and Andrew Little’s claim that it’s “well ularity contest, maybe it’s impossible to separate the of #Brexit and Trump? Come worth looking into”, a friend made an interesting con- politics from the politicians completely. We can’t have along to the clusion. faith in policies if we don’t have faith in the people Speaker Series! “You know what the problem with the Labour creating them. However, it seems confidence is threat- party is? Andrew Little is stupid.” ening to dwindle out in New Zealand. When was the When: 3rd April, 6:30pm–9:30pm The man’s level of intelligence isn’t important. The last time you heard anyone (who wasn’t a Young Nat/ Where: Owen G Glenn Building, point is that Andrew Little is just one person, yet ev- Young Labour member) voice passionate support for in the Fisher & Paykel Appliances ery word out of his mouth has the appearance of also any of the options in front of them? Auditorium speaking for his party. Modern media can shoulder Craccum might not be the best litmus test for Price: Free! some of the blame for this. The internet allows quotes public political support. Yet at the same time, if some Age restrictions: All ages to stick like tattoos to politicians, following them student is going to write an article in a university mag- Event info: “The Management around until they start to seem like political mantras. azine, you’d like to think it would be a touch more Consulting Club has assembled a We can claim to be neutral and unbiased, but it’s optimistic than this. ◆ line-up of the most influential MPs difficult to distinguish between politics you don’t to undergo intellectual combat to secure your vote! Our all-star panel includes: Jami-Lee Ross (National), CHARITY/ORGANISATION OF THE WEEK Jacinda Ardern (Labour), James Shaw (co-leader, Greens), Fletch- SPCA Auckland helps protect approximately 15,000 opted from the SPCA. Initially he was very shy and er Tabuteau (New Zealand First), sick, injured, lost, abused, or abandoned animals in nervous, but since being adopted he’s developed an Marama Fox (co-leader, Māori), Auckland every year. They are the only charity with outgoing personality and loves cuddling anyone he David Seymour (leader, ACT), Pe- the power to prosecute people under the Animal Wel- meets. ter Dunne (leader, United Future), fare Act 1999. They rely entirely on the generosity of If you’re thinking about getting a pet, or interested Geoff Simmons (Opportunities), the community to do their important work, as they in supporting the SPCA’s great work, check out their Elliot Ikilei (Conservative).” receive no government funding. website at WWW.SPCAAUCKLAND.ORG.NZ or give them Find out more at: Community Editor Rebecca’s cat Jack was ad- a ring on (09) 256 7300. HTTPS://WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/ EVENTS/693061960876086/

[11] Lighten Your Load Lockers available now for hire.

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RECEPTION @ AUSA HOUSE, 4 ALFRED STREET (OPPOSITE THE GENERAL LIBRARY) OPEN MONDAY-THURSDAY 8:30AM-4:30PM, FRIDAY 8:30AM-4PM Lighten FEATURE Your Load Lockers available now for hire. The Rebirth of Māori Representation in Pop Culture Daniel Vernon explores both the positives and setbacks associated with the revitalisation of Māori culture amongst youth in our new media landscapes

When I enrolled in this university, when I ily, we often fluctuated around the official It all came to a head when I went applied for Studylink, and when I enrolled poverty line, and I have borne witness to home one weekend during my first year of to vote, I declared each time that I was of handfuls of verbal and physical violence. study and I had to listen to my great uncle Māori descent; a fact that my friends often Homophobia and sexism were topics of fat-shame his then three-year-old grand- Top Locker $55.00 tease me about. I can’t really blame them light conversation at the numerous family daughter as he ate a rotisserie chicken off when the only physical attributes that tie reunions I had to endure. Growing up, this the bone (dripping grease over a shirt that Bottom Locker $45.00 me to my Māori heritage are my big lips all just seemed like the norm to me; most barely contained his pot-belly in the pro- and my large, squashed nose. That’s not of my life was spent in a small town called cess). I decided at this point that I wanted EFTPOS ONLY. my fault, though—my great grandmother Paeroa, and I attended the local low-decile nothing to do with this side of my family’s ended up in an arranged marriage with a high school where more than half the heritage, and that I had to return to my Please supply your own padlock. Lockers are Pākehā man she could barely communi- enrolment was Māori. All of them had true home—THE CITY—where progress located under the Quad. cate with. The result of that marriage was similar issues to me growing up. Sure, we was on the lips of my peers, and there were sixteen children, and one of those children studied Once Were Warriors, but the only more retail options than just The Ware- is my grandfather. quote that lives from that is “cook the man house. Growing up, I felt like I had perhaps some fucking eggs” and it’s in the form of a But as I grew older and moved away inherited some of the negative connota- meme online. I couldn’t wait to leave and from some of the stigmas that made me Pop into tions associated with my Māori heritage; move to the big city and I couldn’t have resent being Māori, I became more aware AUSA Reception alcoholism runs rampant through my fam- cared less about my culture at the time. (and thankful) for this side of my culture and get yours today. “... I became more aware (and thankful) for this side of my culture that I seemed to have forgotten. I soon came to realise that Māori culture wasn’t really a culture, it was more of a community…”

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that I seemed to have forgotten. I soon the media would soon be beholden to “metro-Māori”, blending traditions from came to realise that Māori culture wasn’t the confines of its platform: advertising, Māori culture with metrosexuality and really a culture, it was more of a commu- scheduled viewing, censorship, and unfor- modern dance music of the time (Lady nity: a community where your favourite tunately, front row seats for the death of Gaga and Adam Lambert were cited as and most supportive aunts, uncles and the medium it sought so hard to represent. inspirations), and the group went on to even grandparents aren’t the ones who are More noticeably, in the 2010s, television produce successful viral follow-ups such as related to you by blood, but the ones who audiences began migrating in droves to a I Love Hangi, I’m a Taniwha and “Ghost would give you the clothes off their backs new platform that would be a true revit- Chips” (song). Despite their popularity, and support you, no matter how big your alisation of Māori culture, a chance for it elder traditionalists disapproved of the dreams were: “When you’ve got nothing, to move forward in a modern landscape: JGeeks metrosexual elements and unorth- you’ve nothing to lose”. These people be- the internet. odox uses of Tā moko, the Taiaha and come your role models, your influencers, Around this time, the lovely ladies at Patu. But local online audiences loved it, and you live by their words. Watching my the Paeroa Community Library didn’t and the group’s mix of Māori tradition and Uncle Wally play music on a three-string realise that they would soon bear witness use of Te Reo in their lyrics offered an en- guitar that was 40% fishing line, and to a social history milestone, as a small try point for a younger generation to learn re-working popular songs on the spot into phenomenon unfolded in the aisles—the about our rich heritage and to reclaim and funny roasts of people in the room, drove library’s population suddenly went from be proud of what came before. me to want to hog the spotlight and make a handful of conservative homebodies With the growth of social media, a people laugh. He was Paeroa’s very own returning their soft-coreMills and Boon proverbial double-edged sword was pulled Billy T James. My Tīpuna were my sec- novels to an influx of Māori youth. This from the stone: internet commentary. ond parents growing up; my Kui—a very unexpected incursion during after-school Debates and decisions around the use of patient woman—taught me how to draw, hours wasn’t because these kids wanted Māori culture were no longer beholden to and the art of a sarcastic sense of humour; to wrap their imaginations around lack- television and voting forms. The internet my Koro, a weathered traditionalist, be- luster tales of a boy wizard and his naïve created a social forum where the public lieves wholeheartedly to this day that I will friends; it was for the free Wi-Fi that the could support or picket against appro- be a successful comic book artist. library offered, a gateway to partake in priate and inappropriate uses on these If we look further afield than our lo- the early stages of the social media plat- new platforms. One of the first examples cal communities, however, the search for form and to keep up with the hottest of this occurred during the 2011 Rugby Māori role models starts to fall short. viral videos. Places like the library and World Cup. During this time, one of the Outside of Billy T James, various All McDonald’s became a haven for social first viral trends had just taken off—flash- Blacks, and the cast of Bro Town, growing activity as a lot of the poorer local fam- mobbing. It mixed two things I person- up Māori in New Zealand made it hard to ilies couldn’t afford a broadband connec- ally can’t stand: the element of surprise, find a hero in pop culture to relate to and tion (to this day my mum still has dial-up and being forced to watch dance. During learn from. More importantly, it was hard internet, and in turn, less frequent visits the mass influx of tourist activity, many to find someone who could inspire me to from me). It wasn’t a surprise that the young people took it upon themselves learn more about my heritage. This was internet appealed to younger generations to showcase their culture by mixing the a noticeable problem growing up; I felt of Māori viewers and creators; it finally Haka with flashmobbing. The videos went disenfranchised by the negative aspects of offered what Māori culture needed to viral, and caused a fierce debate. Many Māori culture that I was exposed to regu- survive—a platform where a generation traditionalists said that the flashmobbing larly, and the lack of a positive influence could be honest, unfiltered and given a “bastardised” the meaning of the Haka, in popular culture certainly didn’t help chance to build on tradition. and feared that it’s overused when it is per- either. One of the first groups to take ad- formed outside special occasions. Others With an increased demand for ac- vantage of this was called J Geek and The disagreed, stating that it offered a platform cessible and government funded Māori Geeks—they became one of the first local for young people to connect to their cul- content, Māori Television was launched internet sensations with their comedic ture with pride, and with the videos going in 2004 as a free-to-air broadcaster that song/video, Māori Boy, which earned over viral worldwide, many internet commen- specialised in both Māori-specific con- 50,000 views in it first week of release, tators agreed. tent as well as locally-produced content charted on the RIANZ charts at number But, of course, with any rise to popu- that didn’t fit the commercial brand of 38, and even Soulja Boy took a break from larity and any unfiltered platform, there the main networks. This initially-great “jocking on them haterz” to retweet the are those who exploit and use it for the achievement of Māori representation in video. The JGeeks described themselves as wrong reasons. For example, we have Stan

“I felt disenfranchised by the negative aspects of Māori culture that I was exposed to regularly, and the lack of a positive influence in popular culture certainly didn’t help either.”

[14] FEATURE ------have Pussy, All Bi Bi All Pussy, Moving forward as a culture, we need we forward as a culture, Moving and recognition for their choreography in in choreography and recognition their for “Sorry” video, and music Bieber’s Justin interna other with gone work to on have Korea— as asfar acts South abroad tional very own their nabbing to addition in Locally-pro Television. Māori on series as ducedsuch shorts online Girls and Funny Bridge, Aroha Myself, nation, of a bicultural all themes explored - cre sexuality in surge This and feminism. culture Māori around and within ativity lo both success tremendous to is leading has Waititi Taika cally and internationally. young, casting local by boundaries broken record-breaking his many in actors Māori Boy, Ea- Night, One Cars such as Two films aforementioned and the Shark gleVersus showcasing Wilderpeople, the for Hunt range of talent a diverse have Māori that - racial to ste pander that roles of outside like produced stars even reotypes. We’ve who Dennison Julian Rollestonand James and drama humour for a knack that prove blood. our in runs peopleac- beginto hold influential to views parasitic stale, their for countable creatives forward-facing the and support rich. This culture our keep to want who and Jimi Walkers Stan the ditching means re-enforcing back by hold us that Jacksons sup to choosing stereotypes and, instead, views our on relies that port content the and feedback funding. for Thiswillonly thinking progressive spread to us help while preserving ev culture amongst our not a it. It’s about value we erything that and learning while you are ask—and lot to be thor you’ll supporting, that I promise oughly◆ entertained. - - - [15] problems.” The core problem still appears to appears be still problem The core represen not all grim. Māori it’s But when Jackson went on a misogynistic on went rant Jackson when questioned had who a woman directed at her that her told He of blackface. his use hand jobs not made for typ were “fingers ing” and ended it by calling her a slut. In In ing”slut. a calling her by it ended and Jackson’s of his comments, aftermath the some bandwagon the with on jumped fans misogynisticpoorly-spelt of their attacks at blinked barely Television Māori own. carpet the it under sweeping issue, the the condone don't “We a lacklustre with language ” response, of inappropriate use keeping in interested seemingly more the to could bring Jackson audience the take to chance the than rather company, against of view a stance point a poisonous supposed plagues it’s very that the culture represent. to these shake seem to can’t we fact that the from and stigmas associations negative culture, homegrown and diverse rich our see to exhausting beand it can downright lay entertainers Māori prominent such with new platform an exciting waste to more even What’s problems. century-old entertainers these is that heartbreaking of contact direct chain a more have now they inspire—and that audience the to normalise to message continues that when and misogynistichomophobic behaviour, gen newer disenfranchise to it continues culture lead the and potentially erations extinction. to closer last the in a growth quite seen has tation funding in an increase two years, with through representation diverse and more ReQuest Dance creation. content online acclaim gainedCrew international huge ------“...it can be downright exhausting to see such prominent Māori Māori see prominent to such exhausting be can downright “...it entertainers lay to waste an exciting new platform with century-old with new platform an exciting waste to lay entertainers And then there’s Jimi Jackson. Jack Jackson. Jimi there’s then And Walker—a man whose failing music ca failing whose music man Walker—a career” led has an “acting peruse reer him otherwise cameos eye-rolling in having by local from studios outputs recent great . Despite Wilderpeople the for assuch Hunt and his his about music, think I may what Walk endeavours, entertainment other asaand icon an himself cemented has er dis so it was - youth, model Māori role for inadvertently he recently when appointing To Church. aligned Destiny with himself the distinct made Walker specific,be more Destiny a speakand at perform decisionto (and dark leader after even event, Church Believe You “Can Brian Bono) timeline est a made Tamaki Exempt” is Tax Allthis of disasters natural recent blaming statement a.k.a sins” ho “sexual on earthquakes like to listened could have Walker mosexuality. his withdraw calls to him for public’s the used yet, he could have better or support, against up Tamaki’s stand to platform the pro and be model our a role for statement In generation. forward-thinking gressive go and decision to hisstead, silence ahead he all said that but performance the with backward-thinking agreed Tamaki’s with dream. wet through online prominence to rose son Zealander” New of brand his “everyday 800,000 follow over and with humour, he is arguably of the one Facebook on ers online. “entertainers” popularmost Māori an odd in situation himself found Jackson pic- he posted a behind-the-scenes when his in a skit for blackface in of himself ture What series. Television Māori upcoming contro of terms startedasin shitdrizzle a a full-on shitstorm into soon turned versy FEATURE

[16] FEATURE

Satellites, Pie-endulums, and Everything In Between Danielle Maynard chats with British solar researcher, Lucie Green, about science entertainment, the European Space Agency, and nocturnal lifestyles

CAN YOU TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT THE SO YOU’RE HEADING OVER TO NEW shared experience. SOLAR ORBITER PROJECT THAT YOU’VE BEEN ZEALAND SOON TO DO A SHOW CALLED WORKING ON? “COSMIC SHAMBLES LIVE” WHICH KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE NERD HEAVEN—CAN YOU TELL Yeah of course! So Solar Orbiter is the big US A BIT ABOUT THE SHOW? ESPECIALLY IF PEOPLE DON’T HAVE THE TECHNICAL BACKGROUND, IT’S STILL JUST project that I’m working on at the mo- INCREDIBLE TO HEAR ABOUT. It’s very much a sort of science entertain- Yeah, that’s right! And in the show we’re ment, and it is a European Space Agency ment and variety show. It’s led by a British communicating not only in words and in project to build a spacecraft that will go comedian called Robin Ince. He has this visuals, but also doing demonstrations as very close to the sun. I sort of jokingly talk really strong interest in science, and so well. So, there’s going to be some fun bits about it like an Icarus-like mission! what he really likes to do is get together of kit on stage. It’s not going to be damaged by going a group of people—a group of scientists One of the people who’s coming along, close to the sun—although it will get in- most often. We come along and we talk Matt Parker, has made a pendulum out of credibly hot—but we’re designing it to be about the subjects we’re passionate about. a pie and is going to be doing some fun able to cope with that extreme environ- But, there’s also comedians mixed into the maths with his pie-endulum! Unexpected ment. group as well. It’s always a really interesting things will be happening. So Solar Orbiter will be put into or- night! bit around the sun, and it will go around HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THIS INTERESTED the distance that Mercury is from the IN SPACE SCIENCE? IF THIS INTERVIEW AND THE SHOW HASN’T sun. And then from that close-up view- GIVEN IT AWAY ALREADY, YOU’RE A SCIENCE COMMUNICATOR! WHAT DO YOU FIND TO BE I have, since being a teenager. And in fact I point, we want to be looking straight at THE MOST REWARDING ABOUT THIS? have sort of two passions. One is space sci- the sun’s atmosphere which is where these My job is quite varied and interesting. I ence and one is art. And so for me, study- big explosions and eruptions happen that spend part of my time doing science com- ing the sun brings together those two pas- I study. munication, but the other part of my time sions. At school I really, really, really liked But at the same time, when you have is as a Physics professor at a London uni- physics, and that then developed into a those events happen, the sun sends out versity—where I study the sun. love of space science because I can use the material into the solar system. So our idea I really love doing the science commu- universe as my physics laboratory. is to be looking at the sun, and at the same nication aspect, because you go out and But in parallel to that, I was always time, sitting in the material that it’s send- meet the general public. I find it so re- really interested in art, and I was always ing out across the spacecraft. warding and inspiring to be talking to peo- painting. Actually when I left school, I had We’re going to be getting these close- ple in the general public who are genuinely the plan to go and be an art therapist, but I up images of the sun for the first time. enthused. It’s not every day [that] you’re sort of switched back to physics. It’s really exciting to be working on ART BY VAANI RAMBISHESWAR (@RAMBI_ARTWORK) thinking about amazing physical processes I like doing solar physics, because it this mission. In my department, we’re happening in our universe. brings together the aesthetic and the phys- building two of the instruments on board For example, I study these huge explo- ics. the spacecraft. It’s a great time at the mo- sions and eruptions that take place in the ment—I can literally go downstairs into YEAH AND I GUESS NOT MANY PEOPLE sun’s atmosphere—and when you talk to THINK THAT ART AND SCIENCE CAN BE COM- our different labs, and see these telescopes people about that, they feel the same sense BINED LIKE THAT! that will ultimately end up in space orbit- of awe and wonder as I do. I really like that That’s right, they’re always separated out. ing around the sun.

“I find it so rewarding and inspiring to be talking to people in the general public who are genuinely enthused. It’s not every day [that] you’re thinking about amazing physical processes happening in our universe.”

[17] FEATURE

IT MUST BE AMAZING TO BE A PART OF THAT! which is Japanese for “sunrise”. It’s a space- my job. It is! And it’s going to be launched at the craft that’s still in orbit around the Earth, DO YOU HAVE A PREFERENCE BETWEEN end of 2018, so we’re getting to a really and I particularly liked this project be- WORKING WITH THE LARGER SPACE AGEN- exciting phase now where everything’s just cause, again, my department built one of CIES, LIKE NASA AND THE ESA, OR WORKING ON YOUR OWN SELF-CONDUCTED ACADEM- about coming together. For the first time, the telescopes on board the satellite. IC RESEARCH? we’ll actually be able to see the spacecraft. Because we did that, we then had the It’s being put together in different parts of responsibility of maintaining and operat- Yeah, I like a bit of both. With the big the country, but yeah, it’s hugely exciting. ing the telescope that’s in space. So, for a space agencies, we come up with these while, my job involved what we call space- big international missions that might ON THE SUBJECT OF STARS, HAVE YOU CONSIDERED WORKING ON ANY RESEARCH craft or satellite operations. take thirty years to come to fruition. If RELATING TO THE NEWLY DISCOVERED It was my job to write the programme you work with national agencies, then TRAPPIST-1? for what this very expensive telescope in the budgets are smaller so you have to be, I’m interested in these planets that have space would do. And I really loved that perhaps, a bit more innovative and think been found around this star, and one of process. It was done remotely, so I would about technologies that can help answer the things that interests me is that there’s do the job from Britain—but because it’s a your questions with smaller budgets. been a lot of research carried out about Japanese spacecraft, I would be working on One example is using very small satel- how these emissions from the sun—ul- Japanese time. So I would get up at 11pm, lites, and there’s a branch of satellites that timately the ones that Solar Orbiter will have a conference call with the Japanese get called CubeSats. They are absolutely study—will affect planets and the solar and the Americans who were involved, tiny. I’m interested in how we might min- system. and collectively we would come up with iaturise our detectors and our telescopes, So for example, these emissions batter a plan of what we wanted to do with the and then to be able to put them on these the Earth’s magnetic field, and they can spacecraft. CubeSats. Where would you send them? create things like the Northern and South- And then I would go away and I would YEAH, THE UNIVERSITY OF AUCKLAND IS ern Lights. These emissions, when they be looking at pictures of the sun and work- JUST ABOUT TO LAUNCH A PROPOSAL PRO- reach Mars (which doesn’t have a magnet- ing out what the sun was doing right then, GRAMME FOR DESIGNING A MISSION FOR A CUBESAT. ic field), have the effect of stripping off the and using that to construct my observa- Martian atmosphere, giving it less ability tion sequence. I’d write it on my laptop Oh that’s fantastic! to retain warmth from the atmosphere. So and I’d send it over to the Japanese com- YEAH! AND ACTUALLY THE WINNING PRO- it had a really profound impact on the pos- puters and then they would upload it to POSAL GETS TO GO ON AND BUILD IT AND sibilities for life on Mars. their spacecraft. And then the data would LAUNCH IT! I think if I was starting again in space come back. Oh that’s hugely exciting, good luck! Will science, I probably would research plan- I found it to be really thrilling to be in that be built by students? ets around other stars. There’s so many of charge of a space telescope like that and to YEAH! SO STUDENTS ARE THE ONES WHO them now! The work around characteris- be able to get exactly the data that I want- ARE LEADING THE DESIGN PROCESS, AND ing these planets’ atmospheres, and then ed. And we did some great science with OBVIOUSLY WE’VE GOT A WHOLE LOT OF RESOURCES AND EXPERTS TO HELP OUT understanding whether life could form that data as well—looking at magnetic WITH IT. on them, is really important. And under- fields in the atmosphere of the sun evolu- standing how active their star is is a key tions. We got some really nice results from I think that’s so important. I’m a big be- aspect of that. that. liever in students and young people—you have such good ideas! You’re free from de- YEAH, IT’S REALLY EXCITING TO SEE WHERE THAT DEFINITELY SOUNDS WORTH IT DESPITE THAT’S GOING TO GO—IF WE GET ALL OF THE NOCTURNAL LIFESTYLE! cades of work of looking at one or two par- THAT INFORMATION IN OUR LIFETIME AS ticular things, and forming strong ideas. WELL! Yeah it was! Working at 3am and 4am in For me, working with students is really Yeah, that’s a good point because it takes the morning, you know, everyone else is in important because that’s where the good so long! New missions, new concepts bed and it’s dark and it’s cold and it was a stuff comes from. Creativity, new ideas creep forward. lonely job. So I used to use Facebook a lot and pushing things forward. ◆ to find people in other parts of the world WHAT’S BEEN YOUR FAVOURITE PROJECT TO DATE? where it was daytime and we’d chat to each Lucie Green will appear in Cosmic other. Shambles LIVE, premiering in Auck- I think one of the space projects that I But when the data came back in, it was land on Tuesday 4th April at the ASB worked on is a spacecraft called Hinode, so exciting. I absolutely loved that part of Theatre, Aotea Centre.

“If you work with national agencies, then the budgets are smaller so you have to be, perhaps, a bit more innovative and think about technologies that can help answer your questions with smaller budgets.”

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[19] FEATURE ART BY ISOBEL GLEDHILL (@ISOBEL_G) ART

Daylight! The Dawn of Donald Glover Nikki Addison wants to welcome you into the wondrous cult of the multi-talented Donald Glover

Donald Glover is a genius. The man’s a vision- How does one summarise Donald Glover? nity. Playing nerdy former-jock Troy, Glover ary, an intellectual, a philosopher king. He’s a The 33-year-old African American is an actor, perfected a blend of sweet and funny that made motherfuckin’ mastermind, dangit. singer, writer, producer, director, rapper, DJ him one of the show’s highlights. He had a shit- When Trump was inaugurated earlier this and songwriter. In his high school yearbook, ton of great lines, such as his comment after year, online stores began to sell t-shirts saying Glover was voted “Most Likely to Write for falling for the school librarian: “I wish I was a “the only Donald we recognise is Glover”. If The Simpsons”, a fair guess considering he went book. She could pick me up, flip through my that’s not a sign of Glover’s significance, I don’t on to get a degree in Dramatic Writing from pages, make sure nobody drew wieners in me.” know what is. This piece is part fan letter, part New York University’s Tisch School of Arts. Since leaving Community in 2014, Glover’s tribute and part conversion. If you didn’t love While at Tisch, the online sketches of Glover had small roles in a number of big films fromThe Glover (or, God forbid, know who he is) be- and his friends’ comedy group caught the eye Martian to Magic Mike XXL. He’s also been cast fore, you will. By the end of this passionate ti- of Tina Fey, who later hired him to write for in the upcoming blockbuster Spiderman: Home- rade, you’ll be every bit as obsessed/impressed/ popular comedy show 30 Rock. coming (which, side-note, looks super rad). in love with him as I. Let’s begin our journey, In 2009 Glover left 30 Rock and scored an Community creator and producer Dan Harmon friends. acting role on the new comedy series Commu- summarises Glover’s skill, saying “He's got the

[20] FEATURE mind of a comedy writer and the talent of some a minute. Another ingenious line is the classic cousin Alfred, now a one-hit rapper known as of the greatest performers on TV.” “I’ve seen it all / like I’m John Mayer’s penis Paper Boi. Earn signs himself up as Paper Boi’s In between his acting roles, Glover was hole.” Laffs. manager, and, along with Paper Boi’s hilarious writing. The incredible scope of his talent be- Glover’s second album, Because the Internet friend Darius, tries to make it big. came clear with the launch of his rap career. was released in 2013. More bangers, people. On the surface, Atlanta is a genius piece of Performing under the stage name Childish More bangers. As well as singles “Crawl” and comedy with clever lines, interesting plot sto- Gambino—which he created with the Wu-tang “Sweatpants”, there’s the contemplative tune ries and some damn fine acting. There’s some Name Generator—Glover addresses a range of “3005”. This track is one of the many reasons serious comedic gold here, friends. Just Google heavy and increasingly relevant topics in his I heart Donald Glover. While I actually prefer “Atlanta invisible car” and watch the YouTube music, from alcoholism and bullying to suicide the sound of his other songs more, the lyrics link called “The Club”. How do you even think and racial discrimination. of “3005” show how relatable Glover is. He’s a that shit up? In 2011, Glover flew to fame with the track regular dude, who gets self-conscious and inse- While Atlanta’s comedy deserves high “Freaks and Geeks” from his EP Be Alone. The cure at times just like everyone else. “I used to praise, its relevance is where it really shines. track features a number of cultural references care what people thought, now I care more / I Growing up in Georgia near Atlanta, it’s safe (E. E. Cummings—come on!) and emphasises mean, nobody out here’s got it figured out / So to assume Glover was influenced by his com- Glover’s appreciation of women of all races: therefore, I’ve lost all hope of a happy ending / munity. Talking about the show to Deadline. “Filipino, Armenian girls on my sofa / Yeah I Depending on whether that’s worth it, so inse- com, Glover said, "I wanted to show real people like a white girl, sometimes we get together… cure, no one’s perfect”. Just stahp, Donald. in real situations." The show tackles a host of / Are there Asian girls here? Minority report”. There was a musical pause afterBecause the issues that are prevalent in American society, Later that year, Glover released his first Internet while Glover worked on Atlanta (don’t from police violence, poverty and drugs, to complete album, Camp. As well as writing worry, I’m getting to that soon). Late last year, class and transphobia. the lyrics, Glover composed the music, pro- however, he blessed our eardrums with his lat- In the second episode, the issue of police grammed the drumming, arranged the strings est album, Awaken, My Love. While his pre- brutality towards African Americans is ad- and produced and designed the album. (Like vious albums move between rap and hip-hop, dressed as Earn watches a black man get vio- I said earlier: genius.) Notable singles include Awaken, My Love is a blend of rhythm and lently beaten in a prison holding area. Later, “Bonfire”, “Outside”, and “Sunrise”. One of the blues, soul, funk and something else that’s hard in the epic "Montague" talkshow episode, the more “hardcore” sounding tracks, “Bonfire”, to pinpoint. The album marks a shift from rap- concept of trans-racialism is discussed. And discusses rap music and the expectations that ping to singing—just another of Glover’s many let’s not forget about the very final scene of the go with it. Glover critiques the notion that rap talents. The single “Redbone” is an absolute series. I won’t describe it for the benefit of those artists must all be down-on-their-luck blacks bloody banger that’ll have you playing it on re- fools yet to watch the show, but it seriously dis- who only rap about their trialling past: “They peat. “California” is another goodie, with some turbed me. That shit is really happening. say they want the realness, rap about my real psychedelic notes up in there. Embrace the al- The way thatAtlanta grapples with very life / Told me I should just quit: ‘First of all, bum, people. Listen to it from top to bottom. real issues is both fresh and affecting. The show you talk white! / Second off, you talk like you They don’t make shit like that anymore. is hilarious at times, but there’s an underlying haven’t given up yet’.” While having space for Now, Atlanta. Beloved Atlanta, the televi- seriousness and sadness, because we know that that kind of talk is important, there needs to be sion show that stole the hearts of many. This is a lot of what we see is an accurate representa- room for other forms of rap too. why Glover is referred to as a multi-threat. He tion of reality. We can laugh at the jokes and “Outside” explores the former kind of rap does EVERYTHING. He doesn’t just star in Earn’s shenanigans, but always underneath music. Glover talks about the sacrifices his the show—no, no. He also created, produced there’s a deeper meaning. Things shouldn’t be parents made so he could “get into that white and wrote it. To top things off, the show took the way they are on Atlanta. There shouldn’t school”, and the experience of growing up as out Best Comedy Series and Best Actor in be racial discrimination, poverty, transphobia, a poor African American: “The world saying a Comedy Series at the 2017 Golden Globe police brutality. Using dark humour, Glover what you are / Because you’re young and black”. Awards. (This is a good place to point out that shows us that, regardless of how things should Moving away from the norm, however, the cho- Glover is also extremely modest, sweet and or shouldn’t be, these things exist. So basical- rus insists that there’s hope: “There’s a world we grateful. Sigh.) ly, watch Atlanta. If it was an album, it’d get 5 can visit if we go outside.” Atlanta is a comedy-drama set in—you Mics no doubt. “Sunrise” is a shining example of Glover’s guessed it—Atlanta, Georgia. Glover plays the As my Donald Glover love letter/accolade extremely clever way with words. The man’s in- protagonist Earnest, a.k.a. “Earn”, an intelli- draws to a close, I hope some readers will now telligence and wit is envious. “My shit be Jack- gent but poor young man struggling to provide look up this talented man and revel in the mu- son, Jordan, Bolton, Keaton, Tyson: 5 Mikes”. for his child and partner in a city that won’t cut sic, the comedy, the skill. Upon doing so, I ex- Here Glover refers to five famous Michaels and him a break. We follow his efforts to do some- pect there will be a few more Glover Lovers out the music rating system of hip-hop magazine thing positive with his life while coping with there. In the words of the genius himself, I’m The Source, where albums are rated from one to the dark side of Atlanta's black neighbourhood. gonna a sign out with a hasty “Gambino girl five mics (microphones). I’ll let that sink in for As part of said effort, Earn reconnects with his forever”. Forever ever, ever, ever. ◆

“Things shouldn’t be the way they are onAtlanta. There shouldn’t be racial discrimination, poverty, transphobia, police brutality. Using dark humour, Glover shows us that, regardless of how things should or shouldn’t be, these things exist.”

[21] LIFESTYLE What’s On

Hungry for Punk THE WINE CELLAR

Hungry for Punk is hitting The Wine Cellar this Friday 31st March. There’s a huge line-up of punk bands going, so if you’re into that, be there.

Carmen with L’Arlésienne ASB THEATRE, AOTEA CENTRE

Ballet fans, rejoice! From 29th March– 1st April, the Royal New Zealand Bal- let are combining the classic stories of Carmen and L’Arlésienne by French master-choreographer, Roland Petit. Tickets range from $35–$140 and are available from Ticketmaster. SAMPLING SQUAD

Bailey Wiley x Little Bird Unbakery Miloux Single This Sampling Squad Session explores 2012 award-winning raw Release Party and organic bakery in town, Little Bird! REC

Saturday 1st April is the Bailey Wiley Last year our Sampling Squad (Griselda, Dhanya, biology, with the process of growing and preserving x Miloux Single Release Party at REC. Chloe, Ghan, Marshall, Lynn) visited one cozy little food being stressful on our bodies. These chemicals If you haven’t heard Wiley sing before, cafe in Britomart, where we were greeted with cus- have long-term effects on the soils and people work- look her up now dangit! The girl is ba- tomers crowding the entrance. The staff chose Cacao ing on the farms, and this is why Little Bird choose to dass. Doors open at 10pm and you can Triple Layer Cake, Cookies and Cream, Dark Choc- source predominantly organic ingredients. Good for get tickets from Under the Radar. olate Truffles, and Macaroons for us to sample. Our the earth, good for the body, good for the soul. squad comprised of vegans, vegetarians, some with Not every wholefood cafe or raw cafe advertised as lactose tolerance, and some with no dietary require- “health focused” uses organic ingredients! Little Bird Four Days of ments—and we were absolutely blown away by how is among just a handful that prefer organic sources Fashion delicate yet rich the sweets were, leaving us craving due to organic options being two to three times the EVERYWHERE! more. price of “conventional” products. From 29th March–1st April, Auckland It is also impossible not to mention how beauti- To deliver the best raw, organic foods to us, Lit- is running their Four Days of Fashion ful the sweets looked, decorated with edible flowers. tle Bird makes them all by themselves. Seriously! with lots of events cropping up all over Fresh! It was no surprise to find regulars who visit Lit- E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Squeezing nut milk, pressing the city. From international fashion to tle Bird Unbakery every week, traversing all the way lemons, fermenting kimchi, baking their own bagels, local fashion—they’ll be exhibiting it from the North Shore to stock up on all the goodies. and cracking Samoan imported coconuts to get the all. Better yet, it’s (mostly) free! Check We were excited to find out about Little Bird’s future most healthy, nutritious, unrefined, non-pasteurised, out what events are on and where at plans to provide more “student affordable” (yus) op- non-pressured wholefoods. heartofthecity.co.nz/fashion. tions and make raw organic foods more approachable To maximise nutrients and vitamins from these by minimising public stereotypes. natural food processes, Little Bird has chosen to keep Little Bird is the creation of partners Megan and their food raw, meaning it has not been heated over The Raw Comedy Jeremy, Megan being the chef behind the unbaked 46 degrees celsius. 100% of Little Bird’s packaged Quest goods. Megan was diagnosed as lactose intolerant, products are raw. Fun fact: this process keeps the en- CLASSIC COMEDY BAR and as having coeliac disease and a number of food zymes alive in food, which in turn helps the digestion If you need a warm up for the Comedy allergies at a young age, meaning she was raised on of food in our body, making us feel more energetic. Festival check out The Raw Comedy gluten, dairy, and sugar-free diets. It also enhances our immune system, leading to glow- Quest. The competition started last Megan’s fascination and love of food led her to ing skin, clarity, and strengthened nails! What more week, as they try to find NZ’s next train as a chef, which unfortunately had a serious ef- could your body ask for? ◆ and best stand-up comedian. It’s host- fect on her health and caused her to rethink and rede- ed, aptly, at The Classic Comedy Bar sign the concept of food. Show your student ID at Little Bird Unbakery on Monday nights from 8pm-10pm. Little Bird is very aware of the negative impacts and get a free macaroon with any purchase over Tickets are $5–$10. Strictly R18! that pesticides, herbicides and other harmful chem- $10. Free, all day, bottomless coffee with every pur- icals can have on the environment and our human chase over $10!

[22] LIFESTYLE Top 5… Auckland Op Shops

Search and Destroy 4 CROSS ST

If you’re a seasoned op shopper, you’ll TOILET REVIEW know that CBD stores are extremely over- priced. Search and Destroy is the excep- Law School tion; it’s the perfect place for boyfriend jeans, American vintage and old-school (Building 810, Level 3, Toilet #1) Chucks. With most items ranging from $10-$30, it’s a score compared to K Rd! Brought to you by the Auckland University Powder Room Society These are quite out of the way for the large majority Whangaparaoa of students, and to be honest, they’re not worth that GENERAL INFO ON LAW SCHOOL BUILDING 810 Salvation Army Law School hill. If you don’t know the hill I’m talking Opened in: The Davis Law Library moved to the 4/26 KAREPIRO DR about, consider yourself lucky. But if you already hap- Building 810 location in 1992, so we can assume it’s pen to be down this end of the university, or you’re a Whangaparaoa has a few sneaky op been there for at least that long. law student looking to mix things up a bit, you may shops, but you can’t beat a good Sal- Architects: The land of the Law School and a few as well pay them a visit. In fact, this building (which ly’s. Rack upon rack of cheap, funky of the buildings were once owned and used by the is so dull on the outside you almost can’t see it) is sur- clothing, shelves of retro ceramics and High Court of New Zealand. prisingly exciting in its variety of toilets. Each level an entire corner dedicated to $2–$5 Tip: Play a game of lucky dip in this building to boasts toilet designs vastly different from each other, books. #bliss spice up your life by trying a toilet on a random lev- which is really unusual for the university. el, and delight in the surprise you get. These toilets are probably the classiest toilets I’ve Wheelchair accessible: No Helensville Hospice visited at the UoA. The cubicles remind me of Chanel Bag hooks: Yes 36 MILL RD suits—the ones with the black trim. And the gold accents X-Factor: Yes of the door handles and doorstop, which I photographed One of our Lifestyle Editors lives in the Aesthetics: 8.5/10 Practicality: 5/10 so poorly, only add to this. The wood grain, warm light- ‘ville and frequents this shop, with a 98% Overall: 7/10 ing and lack of windows or empty space give these toilets purchase rate. You can get radical furni- ture, crazy fabrics, unique art, bowling a warm, friendly feeling—perfect in this wintery weather YOU CAN FOLLOW THE AUPRS ON FACEBOOK (AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY POWDER ROOM SOCIETY), TUMBLR (HTTP:// kits... There’s also a great range of grand- we’re dealing with at the moment. ◆ AUPRS.TUMBLR.COM), AND INSTAGRAM (@AUPRS) ma clothing that is almost permanently half price.

GUIDE TO… Dominion Road Salvation Army Dealing with Stress 200 DOMINION RD

With the first assignments of semester approaching, Listless: Make lists! Lists are wondrous. They’re neat A little more central for ya’ll city slickers it’s normal to feel the pressure build. Getting stressed and pretty and give your life some semblance of or- is the Sally’s on Dom Road. This is the is part of student life, but that doesn’t make it any less ganisation. Make a weekly list with study tasks you place to go if you’re looking for labels shite. We’re here to help, amigo. Read our marvellous need to complete each day, e.g. word counts that need but don’t want to fork out $40 for a sec- advice on how to cope with stress and rest easy. reaching, readings that need doing or small tutorial ondhand item. assignments that need completing. Embrace It: Don’t stress about being stressed—em- brace it! Cling onto that worry and frustration and Time Out: Taking a break is imperative for stress re- Albany Hospice make it your own. Use the lack of sleep that comes with lief. To combat that pressure build-up, go for a bush NORTHRIDGE PLAZA stress to do things you never have time for, like learning walk or try some yoga or meditation. If things get This pink gem sits above Westfield Alba- an instrument or teaching yourself how to paint. really bad, you can always fork out and get a massage. ny. There are funky one-offs, interesting Fraands: Rely on your buddies to lift your mood. Draank: If all else fails, drink your stress away with Shad- household items and lots of shoes. The First, gather and complain about your mutual stress. ows’ famously cheap jugs. Please note: this is only a tem- ladies who work there are the sweetest. Then, create a group study session. This is a great way porary fix. You will 100% be more stressed the next day Be sure to look at the jewellery and ac- to eliminate stress, because you’re getting some social when you realise a) how shit you feel and, b) how much cessories—once upon a time, said Hel- relief all while getting actual work done. time you wasted. You’ve been warned! ◆ ensvillian found a $1 woollen beret…

[23]

ARTS EDITORIAL

Are we already ghosts before we die? With Anoushka Maharaj

Outside of painting shitty flowers and reading people are flocking (back) to it in droves. And one of the youngest additions (in SNL history!) shitty books, my adolescent world was very like anything that causes Trump to angrily tweet being the ridiculously adorable Pete Davidson. small, and my concept of comedy was peppered at ungodly hours (so, any of his hours), you can Outside of its strict political themes, SNL with Judd Apatow and his gang of comedy trust that it’s doing something right. Ironically, has also developed clever shorts like “Girl in a goons. The humour didn’t stray too far outside this orange demon is also the reason why SNL Bar”, where Cecily Strong fends off fake male of being crude, but it was, on occasion, very has a renewed sense of purpose. feminists or “The Day Beyoncé Turned Black” funny and clever. Films like Anchorman, The As any artist knows, pain is one of the most where white people lose their minds after the 40-Year-Old Virgin and Forgetting Sarah Mar- significant forms of inspiration—so it’s a re- release of Lemonade. Pandering to the extremes shall defined a weirdness that I came to expect markable thing to see this pain projected on I love so much, a favourite “bit” as of late has in- from comedy, filled with gross but ultimately en- such a universal scale, with SNL as the centre cluded Kristen Wiig playing an overzealous aunt dearing leads—a delightful contrast to the con- stage to air grievances and probe our subcon- who repeatedly smashes through windows over vivial and wholesome leads in Lorne Michaels’ scious (i.e. who is more gross while buck-naked: surprise parties, and the brilliant chemistry be- NBC-dominating comedy 30 Rock. While they Ron Paul, Rick Santorum or Newt Gingrich?). tween Colin Jost and Michael Che makes Week- cannot be commended for their diversity or so- After Kate McKinnon’s tribute to Leonard Co- end Update incredibly enjoyable. cial awareness, they were fucking fantastic and hen and Hillary Clinton, it was reinforced that It’s not all fun and mash-passing over at contained iconic moments (Dracula musical, politics and life outside of it are now indistin- SNL, though. Lefties are often blamed for their anyone?!) that will likely be hilarious forever. guishable. complacency, and considering that SNL sits at Like most television shows and films from SNL has vastly improved in general, but it’s the helm of liberalism, allowing Trump to serve the early 2000s—and the formulae that made undeniable that they have found their verve and as celebrity host on the show two days before them great—they were funniest back then, confidence in their political sketches. Charac- the election was an indefensible bungle. Alec and shows from those days that embody this ters like Beck Bennett’s Putin or McKinnon’s Baldwin, Season 42’s resident Trump, pointed are starting to overstay their welcome. The Of- Kellyanne Conway, while overtly critical, are a out that mocking someone who has incited so fice and Parks and Recreation made it out just in welcome deviation from the dismal real-life ver- much fear and pain across the entire world is an- time (joined in comedy mausoleum by the late sions who aren’t that far from characters them- other way of normalising them—and minimis- Workaholics), and are now safe in the preserva- selves. Rather than dilute the politics or the ing the effect of someone so hateful, whether it’s tion of their legacy, while new shows like The comedy, SNL proves that the two share a symbi- conscious or not, is what is truly indefensible. Mindy Project and Man Seeking Woman regu- otic relationship (see: “The Fey Effect”). While It’s painfully ironic that in recent days, Trump larly dodge the axe. Along with Always Sunny, SNL provides much-needed social commentary, has vowed to cut federally-funded arts programs they are, however, amongst the last-surviving, it has thankfully veered away from offensive from the new budget—and it’s heartbreaking to well-written shows in the comedy world. humour without losing its edginess. With the think that so many young people who draw their I’m not sure if it’s because my sense of hu- notable additions of Mikey Day (Robot Chick- inspiration from creative outlets like SNL might mour has been too reliant on extremes (the dark en), Leslie Jones, and the two geniuses behind be losing out on these programmes. and the light), but in all my years of media con- the sketch “Bern Your Enthusiasm”, Chris Kel- The arts play an important role in keeping sumption, not once have I found Saturday Night ly (Broad City) and Sarah Schneider (the first us, and our institutions, honest—whether it’s Live funny. Although I didn’t know it at the time, female head writer since Paula Pell’s departure through SNL, or a student magazine. It’s im- I didn’t enjoy it because all of them just seemed in 2008), the sketches embody more social nu- portant to entertain, but equally important to like farcical mascots. Which, in a way, they were. ance yet retain SNL’s quirkiness. Despite SNL’s educate. And while we are not impervious to Since its inception in 1975, SNL has taken until shoddy track record in the diversity sector, the destruction, we don’t leave this world forgotten. now to divert from being a late-night excuse to addition of Leslie Jones, Jay Pharoah and a For this reason, it is important to keep the arts celebrate unfunny white celebrities, and instead whole host of incredible women like Kate McK- at your side—if only because it encompasses the become a diverse, genuinely great place to find innon and Cecily Strong prove that the show is part of us that lives on, and the part that allows solace. Whether it’s that they actively recognised capable of evolution. In the last couple of years, us to turn our pain into something extraordi- their failings or it’s owed simply to the passage the show has also brought on new cast members nary. ◆ of time, SNL has become steeped in wit, and like Sasheer Zamata and Kyle Mooney—with

[25] ARTS INTERVIEW

An interview with Josh Thomson from Gary of the Pacific Josh Thomson took some time out to take Craccum into the world of Gary of the Pacific (2017), a Kiwi comedy set on a rapidly sinking island. Josh chatted with Adorate Mizero about why Gary is kind of a loser and some of the awkward times on set.

THERE ARE A COUPLE OF CRINGE/AWKWARD YOU’VE WORKED WITH THE DOWNLOW CONCEPT stupid. MOMENTS IN THE FILM. WHAT WAS THE MOST BEFORE. DID THEY JUST CALL YOU UP AND ASK AWKWARD FOR YOU TO FILM? IF YOU WANTED TO PLAY GARY? OR WAS THIS DECIDED LONG BEFORE? IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY OTHER CHARACTER IN THE FILM, WHO WOULD IT BE? There’s one scene where this guy is essentially I worked with the Downlow for yonks. They naked. We didn’t look at him naked, he was got me to act in a comedy radio serial called Oooh, good question. That’s sort of the thing wearing what they call a “modesty pouch”’, like “The Radio Station” about George FM. In I’m not meant to answer [laughs]. Any of the a little bag, and he flashed us. When we started 2006, we did a short film,The Tim Porch Story, other roles would be amazing because they laughing we would get told off. You must force which won the 48 Hour Film Festival. When were played so well. David Fane (who plays yourself not to laugh. One time his pouch fell they won, they were awarded an editing suite. Gary’s Dad) has an amazing role where he basi- down a bit, we both knew we couldn’t laugh, Because I didn’t work with them, I made them cally just laughs the entire time. He’s so loveable so we both made a weird noise, and a tear just a deal that I could use the editing suite whenev- and crazy that you can’t help but love him. rolled down my face. er I wanted, so kind of ended up working with Matt Whelan (who plays Nelson) is incred- The weird thing is the laugh goes some- and for them. ibly funny, and so is Dom (Ona-Ariki), Taofi where else in your body. We just shut down, When they were writing the film, any time (Mose-Tuiloma) who plays my sister, and Me- and I felt quite physically sick afterwards. Then they were writing any film, I would wave my gan (Stevenson) the American actress. They’ve for about five days afterwards I would wake up hands around and go “Hey, hey, I’m literally all made their characters so funny, and my char- in the middle of the night and burst out laugh- right in front of you”. So I kind of wheedled acter’s technically an unlikeable guy. I was like ing and go back to sleep. I just had to get it out. my way into every single thing they’ve done. “Man, you guys are having a fun day”. I had to be basically nude in a room full They specifically wroteGary of the Pacific for of people in front of a mirror. It’s a low bud- I CAN IMAGINE IT WAS A GREAT TIME ON SET. me because I was the most annoying person in get movie, so I had to tape a bunch of stuff to the office. We were on a tropical island, so yes, it was myself. You might see the trailer where I drop amazing. However, I would sweat buckets be- a towel and you see my ass. In this scene, the WHAT IS GARY LIKE? cause everyone else was under tents, but I loved directors were saying “Stop clenching your The character is a real loser. He keeps trying it. Now I kind of go “That’s why some actors on bum!” And I told them I wasn’t. Now I’ve got and getting broken down and takes a lot of set go insane”. People just wig out or flip out. I a clenchy looking bum. You get very self-con- shortcuts. He’s just a monumental failure that reckon you just go insane after a while. scious about filming these scenes. keeps pretending that he’s not. He’s a weird and DID YOU FIND YOURSELF DRIFTING FROM THE CAN YOU SUM UP GARY OF THE PACIFIC IN A quiet guy, which made it a very strange char- SCRIPT WHILE FILMING? SENTENCE? acter building process for him. There’s a lot of me in it and also a lot of other people in the There are little glimpses of improv. The prob- It’s a bloody good time. ◆ character. lem with it, especially with a low budget film, is that time is money. Whenever they said that DO YOU LOVE ANYTHING ABOUT GARY? we had a bit of extra time on set to improv, we Gary of the Pacific is currently showing in Yes. I think ultimately he just wants his family went insane. The few bits in the film that they cinemas. to like him, but the way he goes about it is very kept are really really good.

[26] Lighten Your Load Lockers available now for hire.

Top Locker $55.00 Bottom Locker $45.00 EFTPOS ONLY.

Please supply your own padlock. Lockers are located under the Quad.

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RECEPTION @ AUSA HOUSE, 4 ALFRED STREET (OPPOSITE THE GENERAL LIBRARY) [27] OPEN MONDAY-THURSDAY 8:30AM-4:30PM, FRIDAY 8:30AM-4PM ARTS REVIEWS

Number 1 Angel The Salesman Amy Schumer: The Charli XCX FILM REVIEW BY HELEN YEUNG Leather Special ALBUM REVIEW BY CHRIS WONG CONTENT WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT COMEDY REVIEW BY CHESTER JERRAT

With Number 1 Angel, Charli XCX carries on Oscar-winning filmThe Salesman, directed by Amy Schumer’s latest offering,The Leather from where last year’s Vroom Vroom EP left off, Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi, offers a realis- Special, has a brutal one star average review on further combining the avant-pop of PC Music tic depiction of how a married couple’s relation- Netflix. One star. That means over 80% of the with her own established sound. Produced in the ship goes downhill after the protagonist's wife is reviews are one star or below. This is, however, span of two weeks, with a PC Music collective sexually assaulted in their apartment complex. not entirely an indication of quality, rather an in- including SOPHIE and A. G. Cook, she contin- The story begins with Emad and his wife, dication of the lengths sad white men are willing ues to push the boundaries of commercial pop Rana, moving into a friend’s apartment after to go. Alt-right redditors have purposely tanked outwards. She incorporates and mixes unorth- their old place was evacuated. The couple both her reviews because they are lovely beautiful sex- odox sounds with sweet and sticky bubblegum work in theatre and are currently starring in Ar- ist wonderful people. pop, keeping it “sticky-icky like lipgloss”, as she thur Miller’s play Death of the Salesman (hence I’m don’t particularly enjoy comics who do sings on the hook to “Lipgloss”. the film’s title). Upon moving in, the couple are an entire hour of jokes about dicks and having The mixtape starts off strongly with a dou- not informed that the previous tenant was a sex sex. It’s just not my thing. Having said that, I ble shot of back-to-back bangers and features, worker; Rana is then sexually assaulted by one of don’t judge those who do, and I know it's possi- including last year’s “After the Afterparty” the tenant's previous clients, exposing the audi- bly the most popular genre of stand up comedy. co-writer Raye, as well as Danish icon MØ in ence to the realities of the psychological, physical It’s also a genre that's performed almost exclu- “Dreamer” and “3AM (Pull Up)”. Charli XCX and emotional trauma caused by sexual assault. sively by men. But when a woman gets to the even manages to bring former MySpace queen Farhadi's film exposes the harsh truths of pa- level that Amy Schumer is at, the selling-out-sta- Uffie onto the mixtape, to feature on the sugary triarchal structures within Iranian society, and diums level, through the same crass humour that retro-sounding jam “Babygirl”, her bratty rapped how women’s experiences of sexual assault are has elevated hundreds of men to the same level, delivery contrasting with Charli’s vibrant and commonly silenced, or perceived as humiliating she gets 1000 one star reviews. sunny vocals. within a highly conservative society. However, Amy Schumer is the Hillary Clinton of com- There are also a few gems buried deep towards after what happens to Rana, the film itself takes a edy. It’s about time we had a female comic selling the end of the mixtape. On the hazy and atmo- rapid turn to focus solely on the damaged male- out stadiums across the planet, I just would have spheric “Drugs”, featuring Atlanta singer ABRA, ego; an over-empowering, emasculated anger preferred it was someone else. For fans of blue Charli sings about the consequences of living life that leads to revenge. Emad continuously finds comedy, you will love The Leather Special. I really in the fast lane. Finally on the infectious “Lip- clues that lead us to the identity of the attacker, did enjoy it, but it left me a little empty. It feels gloss”, Charli introduces NSFW rapper Cupcak- but it becomes obvious that he is doing this for like Amy Schumer hasn’t developed herself—the Ke into the fold, to close it off on the most irresist- his ego rather than for any form of justice. Upon show was good but felt predictable and didn’t ible and over-the-top track of them all, complete tracking down the attacker, the audience is seem- contain much depth. with references to iCarly and Cash Me Ousside. ingly meant to be thrown into a moral dilemma I have some problems with Amy Schumer. Fans turned off by Charli’s recent ventures when it is revealed to be an old man with a heart Mainly her stolen jokes. Lots and lots of stolen into PC music will find solace in tracks such as condition and a loving family. At this point, the jokes. However, I went in with fresh eyes and no “Emotional”, a deliciously dark sad banger and story seems to be trying to shake the audience's expectations and I came out mildly satisfied. I one of her most mature songs to date, as well as moral compass, asking us to sympathise with laughed a bit, and I listened without being par- “ILY2” a flawless bop with a piercing distorted the old man as Emad threatens to reveal his true ticularly bored. guitar driven hook, both of which sound like character to his family. The Leather Special does not deserve one star. they would have fit right intoTrue Romance. Having said all this, although Farhadi’s real- It deserves 3 stars. A decent 3 stars. ◆ If this is what Charli comes out with after istic portrayal of human relationships in the film only two weeks in the studio, we should be in makes it watchable, its depiction of the place of for a definite treat when her official album drops women and the representation of their experi- later this year. ◆ ences should be reconsidered. ◆

[28] ARTS REVIEWS

Rostered On It’s Always Sunny in The Body Laid Bare: TELEVISION REVIEW BY PATRICK NEWLAND Philadelphia, Season 12 Masterpieces from Tate TELEVISION REVIEW BY ANOUSHKA MAHARAJ EXHIBITION REVIEW BY HILARY BARNARD

As someone who has worked in a big box elec- Last week saw the closure of the twelfth season of Do you like naked people? Do you like art? If, like tronics store for over three years, I have person- It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, hereby marking me, you do, then get excited for Auckland Art Gal- ally heard every piece of dialogue from the pilot the twelfth year of my devotion to it. Growing up lery’s major exhibition for 2017. The Body Laid Bare episode of the independent Australian comedy revering shows like The Office, 30 Rock and Arrest- combines art and nudity (genius) in a collection of Rostered On. The YouTube-released project had ed Development, the arrival of IASIP was a wel- nudes curated by Emma Chambers and Justin Paton next to no budget, had to be filmed at the dead come addition to a life of comedy that valued dark in collaboration with Tate. This exhibition contains of night, within a very limited timeframe. And humour. Comprised of a dysfunctional gang of works by Pablo Picasso, Henri Matisse, Auguste Ro- yet, the incredible writing shows just how little five, these beautiful anti-heroes engage in shenan- din, and Barbara Hepworth (just to name a few). that can matter. igans that can only be likened to that of lunatics. Even if you’re not into painting or sculpture, every- The show is a brutal critique of the real world After twelve years, I expected some waning in one knows who Picasso is, right? I mean, how cool is of working at a big electronics corporate, and the hilarity—dead air after Dennis concludes a it that you, yes you, the average, in debt student, can working retail in general. From the constantly murderous rant, or a tired chuckle upon hearing go and see paintings by freakin’ Picasso?! stupid question, “Do you work here?” (no shit, Dee’s repetitive angry squawking. Whether it’s my The exhibit takes you on a journey of the na- Sherlock), through to the age-old “Can you do sentimentality talking or just plain fact, I found ked human body, beginning in the 1790s all the better for cash?”, the show is just way too real. To that this was not so; it is just as delightful today as way through to today. The works are organised someone who has never worked in that environ- it was in 2005 to spend 22 minutes every week im- via themes that use a different lens to discuss the ment, it may seem as though all the characters mersed in the absurdities that take place beneath body and the political, historical and societal are a bit over the top, caricatures of real people— the dull lighting of Paddy’s Pub. contexts in which the bodies were viewed and but they really are not. This show is brutally ac- While the schemes are less frequent, the gang depicted in their times. curate. The theme of the show, that people don’t spends more time directing their jokes inward, Here are some things I thought about: think of you as human if you wear a uniform, is celebrating each of their characteristic flaws— - In Historical Nude we see classic, romantic all too true. From the incredibly insolent cus- such as in “Old Lady House”, “The Gang Goes to a paintings of soft, pale women, and hyper-mas- tomer demanding cash for a camera that is not Water Park” or “Hero or Hate Crime?”. They also culinised men. Unfortunately, it was men that faulty, through to the store administrator getting tackled more topical subjects like in “The Gang decided what was and was not appropriate to be angry at someone who just did what they were Turns Black”, but took expectedly twisted angles seen in this era of art, and female bodies were of- told, I have and do live this show. like in “Making Dennis Reynolds a Murderer” ten discussed as objects (gross). If I ever get out of retail, I’m sure this show and “PTSDee”. Because we’ve learned to accept - ThePrivate Nude section shows the rejec- would lead to me needing therapy, but at the mo- their stunted personal growth, victories that came tion of the academic nude. However, it was seen ment it’s just a nice release, to know that it’s not in the form of Mac finally embracing his sexuality to be scandalous that women would be depicted just me. I have been hoping for, and then looking or Dennis’s uncorrupted joy in “The Gang Tends nude in such domestic settings. There is a defi- forward to the show’s first full season for almost Bar” were genuinely wonderful surprises. While a nite undercurrent of women empowerment! a year—now that it is almost here, I’m looking long way from the riotous yet genius beginnings - Erotic Body has the first depiction of a gay forward to it more than ever. The trailer for the that brought us Dayman and Frank’s sweaty, na- couple, and The Kiss (Rodin’s famous sculpture full season is hilarious, and I’m sure the show will ked couch-birth, season twelve of IASIP is a rip- of lovers intertwined). be too. If you work in, or ever have worked in ened portfolio of a gang we have long-since fallen - Sadly, it is only at the end of the exhibition retail, check out this show. The first season pre- into step with. in Body Politics that we see people of colour, and mieres on April 4th, and the pilot can be found In many ways, their chemistry is as enduring art that directly addresses fluidity in gender. right now on the show’s YouTube channel. ◆ and effortless as Charlie’s love for the Waitress. And a note for feminists: when the curators While it isn’t perfect, it persists—and like any were selecting works for this exhibition, they long-suffering (potentially dysfunctional) ro- made sure to select renowned and talented wom- mance, it is still full of surprises. ◆ en artists in an effort to support women in art! ◆

[29] ARTS SPOTLIGHT ART BY JOSH HART (@VRIJKOTTE) BY JOSH HART ART Podcasts 101 With Jordan Margetts

Like any cartoonish millennial, I’m totally ad- Podcasts, as I figure, solve (or ameliorate) three ably stream/illegally download vast quantities of dicted to media input. I watch TV while I sleep. basic problems: (a) as above, most people I know TV and movies, then jumping blind into a new It’s Always Sunny plays in the background when need constant media input, (b) there’s an almost medium is a little daunting. So here’s my theory: I study. I can’t spend five minutes alone without infinite amount of information to sift through on I think podcasting breaks down into four main a phone game. And I get incredibly cranky when Facebook (and the web generally), (c) most of us, camps: roundtable discussions (i.e. smart people the internet is down. Most of these habits are to- if we’re honest, know that our constant depen- yarning about X topic); documentary format tally indefensible and obnoxious. The fact I feel dence on our devices is probably bad for us—our (essentially based on the old BBC radio shows); almost immediately transported to some terrify- memories are worse, our concentration spans are serialised fiction (usually inspired by old-fash- ing antediluvian past whenever my battery dies down, etc. So a medium that actually provides (at ioned radio drama, a form none of us ever lis- is a sad indictment of my character. times admittedly jaundiced) coverage, beyond tened to); and interviews. Obviously there are So discovering an input I could defend, that just brain-rotting distraction is sort of genius. topical divides too: popular culture, politics, made me more informed, was the best of both This being said, adding to an already over- and personal interest being the main categories. worlds. Imagine if they invented cigarettes that full media diet can be difficult. If you listen to With this in mind, here’s a broad breakdown of made you fit, or alcohol that cleansed the liver. music on the way to and from uni, and presum- the big names and my personal favourites...

[30] FICTION relevant issues. The debates often get heated, and NOTABLE the topics are super varied. Apart from its ten- On The Media Podcast fiction is a weird one. Actually both- dency to over-plug other Slate products, this is I could easily have included this on the politics list, ering to read fiction is difficult and time -con almost definitely my go-to podcast. suming and, because it lacks the easy-out of but the old-school production values shift it over presenting visual stimuli, a good fiction podcast NOTABLE to the doco camp. Basically a politics podcast, but basically requires a mix of ambience, good vocal The Great Albums Podcast one that’s more interested in deconstructing the way the media interacts with politics, than poli- performances, and catchy writing. In this exam- By Pitchfork, they go through a famous album tics itself. The interviews are typically pretty argu- ple, the most popular number is also the best: first overall, then song by song. mentative, and the segments short. RECOMMENDATION Welcome to Night Vale POLITICS INTERVIEWS It’s difficult keeping up with the news, and hav- Since about episode 20 (there are over a hun- This one I struggle with. First because there’s a ing a weekly roundtable (usually from Trump- dred now), WtN has been somewhere near the bloody million of them. Secondly because, as land) show up on your phone every week is a top of the iTunes download list. There’s no real a rule, I’d rather listen to critics talk honestly great way to truncate all the stuff you don’t have plot, it’s just fortnightly radio broadcasts from a about someone, than sit there quizzing them. It’s time to read. mysterious town somewhere in the desert. The also pretty hard to narrow these down, because

only concept is that all conspiracy theories are RECOMMENDATION most interview shows are themed. I find inter- true (a vast secret government controlling all our The Weeds (by Vox) views are usually best when you actually care lives, angels, invisible people living in walls, etc about the guest, so they don’t tend to make it Round-table discussion devoted to policy. What etc). And while hitting all the right buttons for into my weekly rotation. nerd-culture, it’s also super smart and fun and makes this show unique is the attempt to discuss post-modern. actual policy mechanisms in an accessible way RECOMMENDATION (rather than just covering broad concepts)— The Ezra Klein Show (Vox) NOTABLE there’s lots of stuff on healthcare, law reforms, This is the obvious exception: typically socio-po- Alice Isn’t Dead and of course POTUS Donald Trump. litical interviews, with either public figures

By the Night Vale team. This one actually has a NOTABLE (politicians, journalists) or some kind of author plot, if an oblique one. But all the same conspir- NPR Politics or academic. The guests are interesting 90% of atorial darkness, and obsession with Americana. the time, and Ezra Klein clearly preps and has A good hour-long weekly round-up and one And unlike Night Vale there are only ten epi- a whole boat load of theories to test against his shorter discussion per week. A bit dry, but super sodes, so an easy way to cram a full season. guest of the week. This is the only interview ART BY JOSH HART (@VRIJKOTTE) BY JOSH HART ART informative. show I listen to week-in-week-out. POPULAR CULTURE DOCUMENTARY NOTABLE It’s almost impossible to keep up with all the WTF with Marc Maron TV, films, books, articles, and celebrity gossip I’m probably using the wrong nomenclature, that bounces around the internet. It helps that but I mean the shows that are heavily produced, Like This American Life or Welcome to Night Vale, big magazines have started to take the old pub- usually feature a score, often a host, and a series this is a genre-defining show. Marc Maron (a lic-broadcast TV format and translate them to of snippet interviews. These are more like dis- slightly douchey, frankly average comedian) has podcasts. There are shitloads. Some general, tinctive non-fiction “programmes” than round had everyone from Louis CK, in a great inter- some specific (film alone has at least four nota- table chats. view, to Obama show up to his garage to record. The show is beloved, and I get why. Some of these bles). RECOMMENDATION This American Life conversations get “real” in a way you almost never RECOMMENDATION hear in interviews. This being said, Maron comes The Slate Culture Gabfest Possibly the most famous podcast in the world. off a little self-obsessed, and I’m not that interest- [my overall pick!] There’s a weekly set of interviews with members ed in actors. So this is a sometimes listen for me. The self-professed motto of the show is to have of the public, all structured around a theme Fair warning, this is a massively truncated list of the sort of conversations smart grad-students that’s significant to daily life. From politics, to favourites. I don’t have space for self-help, science, would engage in about popular culture. They coping with stress, to racial violence. films, book reviews, or history podcasts. There’s pick about three topics a week (one is usually a heaps more good stuff out there. If, like me, you film) to deconstruct and, with varying levels of think your cell-phone addiction is probably mak- friendliness, go round the table parsing out the ing you stupider, this is an easy antidote. ◆

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Amateur With Hour Jordan Margetts

Stuff You Each week Jordan, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tries to impart political wisdom but mainly just cries in the shower.

I’ve never been great at keeping up with New to be had about nutrition. Going by obesity sta- their health or appearance. Sidenote: it’s funny Zealand news. Not a great confession for a tistics alone (measuring malnutrition is much right, that for most of human history we fought columnist, but it’s true. It’s the journalism that harder), we can see a disproportionate effect to produce food with as many calories as possi- keeps me away. I don’t mind reading something on, well, poorer people, and Māori/Pacific Is- ble so that people could survive (which is the biased, or something I profoundly disagree land populations. We see fast food companies “experiment” Ben alluded to in his op-ed). And with if it’s good. New Zealand journalism is targeting impoverished areas. How do we en- now the West has so many calories that we need not good. It’s scarily bad. I’m borderline con- courage poor people to buy better food? The to try to produce radically inefficient food, like vinced it actually makes you stupider. But now conservative response is to tell them off for lettuce, so that we don’t overconsume calories I’ve committed to a column and have to try to budgeting poorly and note that you can buy and get really fat and gross and unpleasant. This keep up. reasonably healthy food cheaply. But of course, is what Ben’s whole profession is all about. At time of writing (Craccum deadlines are making your kids eat tinned tomatoes is much Which gets me to my second problem. The such that sadly I’m always writing a week out) harder than making them eat fish and chips. publication. The editors. Whoever commis- I stumbled on a Stuff article titled, “The global One response is education. Another is school sioned/accepted/edited/selected this particu- 'food experiment' and the future of NZ nu- breakfasts/lunches. lar piece decided that Stuff ’s responsibility, as trition”. Sounds exciting. Sounds predictive. The article published byStuff mentioned one of New Zealand’s largest online publica- Sounds like something I, with my love of bacon none of this. After waxing lyrical about the tions, was not to engage thoughtfully with an and cheese, probably know very little about. horrors of nutritionally impoverished food, issue that affects untold numbers of Kiwis, but Sure enough, upon reading, I actually be- the writer, Ben Warren (a nutritionist), gives us was to provide a brief scare-piece and impracti- came less informed about nutrition. The basic a list of things we “as individuals” should do. cally expensive advice for the individual. Aside premise of the article was that “low nutrition” These include buying supplements. Buying in from the article just being bad, it aggressively foods have been mass produced and sold in the season fruit and veggies. And eating more offal. pushes the responsibility upon the individual, West for the sake of cheapness, and because Two things are immediately apparent. Firstly, who is expected to budget for food which is less high-calorie-low-nutrition foods are easy to that Ben is only thinking about rich people. efficient, harder to find, less comforting, and produce in bulk, they now completely define Have you seen the cost of dietary supplements? by-and-large more expensive. our dietary habits. As far as I can tell this is fac- Or noticed how quickly fresh kale (which Ben So alongside articles from the Herald that tually true. But from here the article devolves notes is about the highest nutritional content tell us about genius millennials who have no into a total mess. per calorie of food) goes off in the fridge? At life, six jobs, and a massive mortgage so they Apparently, our bad food causes cancer. the Dominion Road Countdown, kale is about can break into an exclusive property market, After a little time on the internet it seems like $5 for around 6 stalks. This advice is not about we also have uninformed and uninformative this is vaguely possible, in a probabilities sense, what “you” as the individual can do. It’s about articles from Stuff telling people to go spend but is basically useless as a predictive measure what people like Ben, featured in the picture on money on vitamin B tablets. on an individual basis (smoking doesn’t guar- the page, can do. People with expensively cut The really sad thing is that you and I are antee you cancer, but we know the link is very grey hair, and few wrinkles, and an expensive trapped. If we want to engage with contem- high; in this case, the link between sausage rolls looking trendy shirt that says he’s casual, but porary New Zealand and discuss things that and cancer is not especially high or significant). because he chooses to be. You bet that Ben affect us a little more directly than Trump, Without getting myself into a technical discus- could buy a suit. Obamacare, or gun laws, then we have to read sion that I’m nowhere near smart or qualified But really, this isn’t Ben’s fault. Ben isn’t a New Zealand journalism. But it’s hard to make enough to cope with, here’s my point: why on journalist. Ben isn’t a policy expert. Ben is a nu- yourself when they feed you such garbage. We earth, in an article about nutrition, in a coun- tritionist. A profession that deals almost exclu- need some young people to start magazines, to try where one in three people over the age of sively in helping people for whom food is too start informed blogs; we need to stop putting fifteen is obese, would you make some spurious accessible to get hold of food, which provides up with cheap mendacious journalism. But point about cancer? less energy so that those same people do not maybe we’re too inert. Maybe next week I’ll There is a very serious discussion that needs store too much fat on their bodies and damage just read about Trump again. ◆

[33] COLUMNS

With How to Talk Mark Fullerton About Sport

Super (average) Rugby (format): An Open Letter to SANZAAR Each week Mark, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tries desperately to meet his deadline.

Dear SANZAAR,1 a protection order. From the Blues all the way become the Invercargill of the North and the There’s a lot of talk right now about the Super down south, it seems like the New Zealand Highlanders will have been sold into manual Rugby format, and it’s about fucking time. If conference is safe. labour in a Mad Max style dystopia. Probably. the season ended last week, the Blues would Well, you see, this is where they’re wrong. The Chiefs will also go because Hamilton have made the playoffs,2 which is obviously an If we’re going to be chopping teams from the is the most depressing city in the world. The affront to all things decent. Word coming out roster, we need look no further than our own Chiefs deserve to exist. Hamilton doesn’t. of various camps is that three teams are facing backyard. The Hurricanes are so talent-rich at the the chop. Should it be the Force or the Rebels The Crusaders will be the first to go. Jesus moment they’re just going to keep winning or the Brumbies? There seems to be an awful once killed a fig tree because it didn’t produce and winning. But nothing lasts forever, and it lot of Aussie bashing, which is never discour- fruit for him, so if our lord and saviour has that won’t be soon before they go the same way of aged in a rugby setting, but also seems to ignore little patience for a fruit tree then we sure as the Crusaders, so might as well pop them on the fact that South Africa has six teams, one of shit shouldn’t have to put up with whatever the trash heap too. which has a fairly atrocious win rate of two stuttering and staggering version of the Cru- So this leaves the Blues, all on their lone- (games) (ever). saders we’ve had to watch since 2009. If a horse some and with a guaranteed run to the playoffs. But while the Kiwi journalists bay for is past working age, you either put it out to stud Of course with all that free Kiwi talent floating ARU blood and the Australian journalists go (á la Richie McCaw) or send it to France and about, they’ll soon become the most sought “oh well come on guys our teams aren’t even teach it how not to drive (á la Dan Carter). If a after franchise and we’ll see a great northern THAT bad” and the Sunwolves hide in the horse is so clearly beyond functioning, no mat- migration, followed by a massive upturn in shadows so nobody remembers that there’s ac- ter how majestic and glorious it may have been the turnstiles. Bring the players, bring the au- tually a Japanese team in the competition and in its heyday, you shoot it. dience. Not long after a fully sold-out season, the Jaguares continue to pretend that they ar- The Highlanders will follow shortly after, if the rugby powers will decide that Eden Park en’t really just the Argentinian national side in only as a pre-emptive strike against a scenario is woefully inadequate in its current state and a clever disguise3 but are still consistently shit, that will inevitably play out should the High- will divert many funds to delivering either a) a while all this is going on, SANZAAR seem landers continue their winning ways. Part of new stadium or b) subsidised chips, with every to have placed the New Zealand teams under the appeal of Otago University to prospective sane rugby fan praying silently for the latter. students has always been that things are a lit- In the interest of fairness, the blue and the red tle bit shit. The University is fine but nothing and the Chief ’s colours and the yellow and the 1 South Africa New Zealand Australia something Rugby. amazing, the weather is absolute balls, the flats green4 will all mix to form a snotty brown jer- 2 Don’t ask how. It is abundantly clear now that the Super are a bit run down and the Highlanders, until sey, which a clever graphic designer will darken Rugby format is flawed, and was clear about thirty-seven recently, were awful. But now they’re improv- and darken until it is a nice trademarked adidas seconds after the format was announced, when everyone shuffled uncomfortably in their seats, each one afraid to ad- ing, and with an improved sporting landscape, Black, with the acronym of their slogan, ‘AllIn- mit that they would have had less trouble if they were asked the students will begin to demand a higher thistoGether’ stencilled across the front. to decode the Rosetta Stone over the telephone with a nasally standard of life. Flats will be done up to Herne Yours sincerely, indisposed Glaswegian. Bay standards, driving rent prices up and driv- Mork ◆ 3 The clever disguise being the Argentinian national team ing students away. A lack of students will leave are called “Los Pumas” and the Argentinian Super Rugby a gaping hole in the Dunedin economy and in a team are “Los Jaguares”, with a puma and a jaguar being few short years the Edinburgh of the South will 4 Honestly a green Highlanders uniform is fucking reason essentially the same fucking animal. number one to dump them.

[34] COLUMNS

With By Popular Michael Clark Demand

Ode to Night Vale: How Welcome to Night Vale Combats Depression Each week Michael, long-time writer and all-round teddy bear, tries to persuade you to take pop culture seriously.

In the Spring of 2015, I started getting panic at- Night Vale never really broaches these topics transported to this strange town but invited into tacks. I didn’t know that’s what they were at the head on like a lot of other shows do, yet it has the community with open arms. time, but I locked the door of my editing suite, helped countless people through the torture Once inside, Night Vale and its inhabitants hid under my desk and started gasping uncon- of their own situation. So how does Welcome become surprisingly relatable. A lot of the pod- trollably. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t to Night Vale, a show about hooded figures, al- cast appeals to the human condition; it reassures think it was normal behaviour. That was wrong. mighty glow clouds, and other unseen horrors, the listener that everyone is suffering the same But it was about the same time I was introduced help people deal with depression and anxiety? existential dread and it’s okay to feel this way. to Welcome to Night Vale. The answer lies within the setting itself. Night Vale is a town that makes no sense at all, Welcome to Night Vale is a fictional podcast Night Vale is a safe space. Of course, it is not but it does not mean that it is a place unlike our about a single cursed desert town described physically. The town is constantly under attack by own. Like Baldwin says, “The problems that the through a series of cheerful community radio some unknown force and when it’s not, the city denizens of Night Vale face are just a microcosm broadcasts. Each episode, the town is disturbed council, the secret police, and all the other forces of the problems that our Western countries face. by a different Lovecraftian nightmare and radio that control the town impose a ridiculously strict Issues of alienation, ever-present surveillance, host Cecil reports this between ad breaks, press and impossible order. History is often altered monolithic corporations dedicated to produc- announcements, cultural events, and weather and the radio programme is clearly a propaganda tion at any human cost… These are all front page reports. Jordan Margetts, in a previous issue of tool. The cursed town defies all laws of space and issues.” The secret police who enforce irrational Craccum, described the tone perfectly: “clues time. Despite all this, Night Vale carries with it a rules and comically monitor the town with Or- leading nowhere. Voices in the night crying out sense of community unlike any other. Characters wellian persistence allow an outlet for our own vague woes. World’s decaying into entropy.” It’s are diverse and fundamentally relatable. They anxieties with the man behind the curtain. The probably the most existential thing you’ll ever are normal people like you or me. They are local absurd Night Valian belief that mountains aren’t listen to. Yet it’s calming. It’s comforting. It’s business owners, teachers, coaches, mothers, fa- real despite evidence to the contrary reflects the embracing. Whenever I felt an attack coming thers, lovers. They stick to each other when the absurdity of dogma. For some people, the world on or whenever I couldn’t sleep, I listened and it town is in a pinch and weather the impossibility makes no sense to them at all and Night Vale hy- calmed me down, usually allowing me to drift off of Night Vale’s unique living conditions together. perbolises this for them, picking apart the strange to sleep. Because Night Vale is set up as a radio show, and the unknown portions of our lives and run- And I’m not the only one. During a keynote the narrator assumes that you, the listener, are a ning with it. speech, co-writer Joseph Fink admitted that they citizen of the town and as such, you are involved Welcome to Night Vale accepts that the world have received numerous emails from people who in the events. The show invites you to take part in is a weird place and we are not going to uncover have anxiety or depression telling them that their its setting and no matter who you are, you’re stuck all its mysteries and that’s okay because we’re all work helped them. In an interview, he describes a in the same situation as everyone else. Race, sex- in the same boat anyway. We’re all experiencing woman living in the Philippines who said listen- uality, gender, and heritage aren’t issues in Night the same world and weathering it together. Night ing to the show kept her calm during the typhoon. Vale. Instead, deathly shadow figures, hooded fig- Vale is a world not unlike our own, but one where In another interview, the voice actor Cecil Bald- ures who steal children, and street cleaners are. All no one is excluded. A world that I can sink into win tells of an American marine in Afghanistan are welcome into Night Vale’s community and all and be reaffirmed that it’s okay. You’re not alone. who listens to Night Vale to relieve stress. Cecil are equally at risk of dying a cruel and traumatic Get out from under that desk: “When life seems often speaks of queer youth living in hostile envi- death. As soon as one puts their earphones in and dangerous and unmanageable, just remember ronments that seek comfort in the show. starts listening to the podcast, they are not only that it is, and you can’t survive forever.” ◆

[35] COLUMNS

Quarter-Life With Crisis Caitlin Abley

Dirty Old Town Each week Caitlin, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tackles an item from her list of Twenty Things To Do In Your Twenties and tries to pass it off as journalism.

Christ. Another week, another challenge, an- mum was doing her cryptic crossword would be on the couch, watching The Departed and fin- other column. Deadline day rushed towards the exact opposite of a wild time. If you’re lucky, ishing the rest of my bubble-less bubbly. me, yet I still avoided my list of Twenty Things you could go to a restaurant that served alco- Finally 2pm rolled around and I hauled To Do In My Twenties like a pregnant woman hol at lunchtime, but your bank balance would ass to the Club, where I was greeted by a few avoids raw fish, deli meat, and being tolerable emerge even more lifeless than the establish- hundred baby boomers in green, most of whom on Instagram. I procrastinated by tidying my ment’s midday atmosphere. Even if you eventu- were already way more fucked up than I was. I room (already serial-killer clean), by polishing ally made it to a bar, you’d be kicked out at 2am was being out-raved by people three times my off my CV, by telling my dog all the things I because Auckland has a draconian set of liquor age. It was time to step it up. loved about our relationship. I scrolled through laws designed specifically to make you stay home Three hours later, I stumbled outside, after Facebook endlessly. I found an excerpt from and binge drink—and then you’d still have seven pouring a few beers down my throat and more Kafka’s diaries (in meme format—god love the hours to kill before making it the full 24 hours. than a few beers down my dress. I checked my democratisation of high art) and felt a crushing Luckily for me, I was just in time for the most phone, and saw an unread text: sense of empathy with his writer’s block: wonderful day of the year; the one day we can Hey, are you going to B’s birthday party? all get away with drinking from dawn till dusk Shit shit shit shit shit that’s right, I had a January 20. The end of writing. When will it till dawn again—St Paddy’s. My mum’s parents toddler’s birthday celebration to go to. I was take me up again? immigrated from Ireland to New Zealand in the definitely way too jolly and way too beer- January 29. Again, tried to write, virtually use- 1950s, and they found themselves welcomed stained to be acceptable at a two-year old’s par- less. into a friendly new community—of other Irish- ty. I decided to walk there to give me time and February 7. Complete standstill. Unending tor- men. Half of Mt Albert was inhabited by Irish adequate fresh air to pull myself together. But, ments. immigrants, and they gathered regularly at the of course, my remit was to party for 24 hours local Irish Club. I spent a significant part of my and goddammit I hadn’t come this far only Sure, Kafka’sThe Castle was 400 pages, and I childhood in the clubrooms, my hair bound up to give up in order to be “socially acceptable”. merely had to shit out 800 words of self-aware in pink foam curlers before Irish dancing con- I went to the party, hooned some Pimms, im- trash (150 of which could be taken up by de- certs, shrouded in my very favourite smell of cig- parted a few nuggets of wisdom on the birthday scribing the whole painful process in detail, arettes, beer, salt & vinegar chips and furniture girl (she looked sceptical; far too intelligent to amirite!) but still, the sentiment resonated. I polish. St Patrick’s Day at the Club remains a trust my slurred words) and hightailed back to looked at my list, willing something to jump comprehensive banger, and better yet, it starts at the Club. I remained there for the next seven out at me. Entirely uninspired, I closed my eyes, 2pm and runs till the wee hours. hours, until I found myself limping around in pointed at the screen and vowed that I would So that would account for about twelve circles, scream-singing along to “The Fields do whatever task my finger landed on. Open- hours of my day. Making a start on the remain- of Athenry” and swallowing back the Guin- ing my eyes, I found I had committed myself ing twelve, I made myself a poor-man’s mimosa ness-vomit rising in my esophagus. It was time to number 8: at 9am with some flat Lindauer and tropical to go home. Party for 24 hours straight. Just Juice, which was precisely as unappeal- I stumbled into my house at 3am. I put a What the fuck? Okay, whoever suggested that ing as it sounds. It was hard to feel like I was frozen pizza in the oven and promptly burned this was a vital rite of passage for twenty-some- actually partying when all my friends were ei- the living shit out of it. I consumed the entire things clearly has never stepped foot in Auck- ther in class or at work. Not even my favourite blackened lump while (inexplicably) watching land. Where would you even go to party for a Spotify playlist (2006 Emo Bangers) or playing old episodes of The Good Wife. I fell asleep, piz- full day? I still live at home (along with 80% of the Dropkick Murphy’s “I’m Shipping Up To za in hand, six hours away from completing my my friends), so funneling Speights at 9am while Boston” on repeat could get me in the raving 24-hour challenge. my dad was pottering in the garden and my mood. At 11am, I resigned myself to slumping Complete standstill. Unending torments. ◆

[36] EASY SUDOKU Kisses and Quizzes QUESTION MARK’S CORNER EASY (ONE POINT) 3 8 1. What rock band included members Robert Plant and Jimmy Page? 2. Which 2002 film starred Sarah Michelle Gellar, Freddie Prinze Jr, Mat- 3 5 thew Lillard and Linda Cardellini as a mystery-solving quartet? 3. Inca Kola is a product of which country?

7 1 3 5 MEDIUM (TWO POINTS) 3 8 1 9 4. DB Cooper is infamous for his 1971 robbery of what form of transport? 5. Fourteen of the world's twenty-five largest hotels are in which US city? 6. What was significant about Dolly the sheep? 7 6 3 7. Who did the Greeks defeat at the Battle of Marathon? 9 8 6 HARD (THREE POINTS) 8. Afflictions of which part of the human body normally begin with the 7 6 8 word Greek hepat? 9. What acronym links a popular retail outlet, a type of road lane and a 1 4 film sequel? 10. England and New Zealand both hold the Tier One rugby record of 7 8 5 9 2 consecutive wins with 18, but which Mediterranean nation holds the actual record?

HARD SUDOKU Herald’s Heroes Every week we’ll trawl the comments section of the NZ 6 3 7 Herald Facebook page to find the hilarious, the repulsive, and the outright absurd. 4 5 7 3 8 7 9 4 3 1 3 6 2 5 2 3 8

9 6 For the first time, but almost definitely not the last, this week’s Herald’s Heroes honours are shared between two star-crossed lovers. Unfortunately 3 7 8 for Cheryl and Andrew, the most toxic couple ever to appear on Married at First Sight, their union was never meant to be. Fortunately for Deejay 9 8 4 and Alex, a lack of scientific analysis hasn’t changed the fact that these two

guys are destined to be forever linked by a love of the worst reality televi-

Trainspotting 10. Cyprus, with 23 with Cyprus, 10. Trainspotting sion show to ever grace our eyeballs. Who needs Tinder when you have the

T2 - the tea shop, the lane in which you can drive with two or more passengers and T2: T2: and passengers more or two with drive can you which in lane the shop, tea the - T2

on the Strip 6. She was the first cloned mammal 7. The Persian invaders 8. Liver 9. 9. Liver 8. invaders Persian The 7. mammal cloned first the was She 6. Strip the on Herald Facebook comments section? (yes, the likes on their comments are Answers: 1. Led Zeppelin 2. Scooby-Doo 3. Peru 4. An aeroplane 5. Las Vegas, all all Vegas, Las 5. aeroplane An 4. Peru 3. Scooby-Doo 2. Zeppelin Led 1. Answers: from each other) ◆

[37] the people to blame.

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